#I genuinely don’t know how I’m going to wait until November

[ideologyofone]

Okay since the Timebomb team up is official

What if Jinx is the one who puts this in his hair herself 🤭

[oddinary4bts]

November Sun | jjk

☆summary: whenever he breaks, the november sun shines on him. and jungkook chases you across the sky - but you've gone some place he can't reach you now.

☆pairing: Jungkook x reader (I genuinely don't think the gender is ever mentioned? please let me know if it is so I can adjust this here), mentions-ish of Namjoon x reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, it deals with heavy themes)

☆genre: grief au/funeral au?, exes au, angst

☆warnings: angst, like. Just angst. OC is dead and Jungkook is grieving her. Curses words, very light mentions of sex, flashbacks of moments when jungkook broke. mentions of christianism (the funerals are held in a church), mentions of alcohol, jealousy. Namjoon is a broken man as well

☆word count: 3.7k

☆a/n: I started writing this tonight because I was sad and then just realized I won't have the strength to look back on it ever again so I'm posting it even tho it hasn't been beta-ed, and even tho the person that makes my moodboards is unavailable rn. Idc. It needed to be out of my system, and now it is.

☆a/n pt2: I know this piece is extremely heavy. If you ever need to speak, please reach out to me. My blog is a safe space for every single one of you <3

☆☆☆☆☆

                The church is a tall building. Grand, elegant in its simplicity, though it cuts against the blue sky up above in stark lines, shaped like a prison.

Jungkook thinks life has become a prison a while ago.

It’s a mystery, why your family chose this space for your funeral. You never believed, never practiced. Is it a betrayal to mark your passing in a space that feels so unlike you?

Jungkook thinks it is.

He sighs, chases the heaviness away the same way the clouds chase themselves in the sky up above. He doesn’t know how the sun is shining in the blue expanse of the sky. It’s November, yet the day is warm, the sun is blindingly glowing. It feels like a crime – how can the sun shine in a world deprived of your existence?

Jungkook doesn’t want to know.

Only knows that he’s watched from afar the people that gathered on the front steps. Chatting, heads hung low and shoulders bent forward. He heard sniffles, he heard laughs, and he just waited for everyone to go in to get closer.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he was invited. Why someone from a distant past figured he would need to be here, to share his grief with people that could understand.

Though Jungkook thinks no one can understand.

He remembers you, in all your glory. His first love, when he had been a stupid college kid who didn’t know what he wanted in life. You were two years older, and now... and now one day he’ll be older than you. Because you've stopped aging, you came and went like a moment in time, when he'll still be here for who fucking knows how long.

He chases the thought away with a long inhale, holds the air in knowing that it’s choking him up before he lets it out on a sigh.

You were beautiful. A star that walked the Earth, only to return to the night sky above far too soon. He had loved you dearly, in his own twisted way. Had tried to be what you sought, what you needed, until he had realized he was never going to be enough.

Would you still be alive today, if he had fought harder?

*****

                “I’m not doing this,” you said. “I’m so fucking done with your indecision, with your fear of commitment.”

Jungkook scoffed. “Please, you graduated and now you think you’re so high above me. Get down from the fucking horse, Y/n, it’s not going to bring us anywhere.”

He’d said the words hoping that they would hurt you. And they did: he saw you physically recoil as if he’d punched you. As if the words had been a physical blow, and not just letters of the alphabets shaped into words and sound, into arrows to pierce that beautiful soul of yours.

“Maybe I don’t want us to go somewhere anymore,” you replied after a quiet moment of breaking hearts.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I know.” You sighed, slightly shaking your head as your eyes fell to the floor between you and him. “I know, but I mean it.”

“Please,” was all Jungkook thought to reply.

“You say please all the time,” you told him. “You beg me, and for what? We always circle back to fighting, to hurting each other.” You paused, and though you were avoiding his features he could see you blinking back tears. “Maybe we aren’t supposed to be together at all.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungkook warned. “Don’t you fucking say that. I love you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“I love you too, Jungkook,” you answered. “I’ve loved you since the first day I met you at that stupid party last year.”

Jungkook felt the tear rolling down his cheek, felt the gravity pulling on his heart until it was shattering on the ground.

“Then why stop now?” he asked. “Give me time, Y/n. I’ll graduate, and I’ll be able to move in with you, and to provide for you and give you everything that you need.”

You sighed heavily, finding courage to finally meet his gaze. At the stark finality shining behind your pupils, Jungkook’s knees weakened. His whole fucking body weakened, ready for the blow.

For the end that was coming for you and him like a car barreling down a dead-end street.

“But I’m tired of waiting,” you answered. “I don’t want to spend my life waiting around for someone.”

“I’m still in college, I just can’t move in with you right now…”

“I know, Jungkook. I know.”

He wanted to fight. Wanted to tell you to stay in his dorm tonight, and to never leave again. But he could tell that you were already gone.

So he steeled himself. Readied himself to let you go even though you were the blood in his veins.

“I’m holding you back, aren’t I?”

You wiped a tear on your cheek, blurring behind those in his gaze. “You are.”

He choked on a sob, hiding his eyes behind his hand as if that would stop the breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you reassured him. “We just aren’t at the same place in life anymore.”

An empty silence surrounded you, so loud Jungkook could hear every beat of his heart in his ears, could feel the walls pressing in.

“I don’t want you to go,” he softly said.

“I know,” you murmured. “I…” You choked on a sob, and it took you a moment before you managed to continue. “I’m sorry.”

He laughed, a sound so devoid of joy he wondered if he’d ever feel happiness again. “Please don’t be. You’re allowed to want more.”

“I wish I didn’t.”

Anger rose up on the horizon of Jungkook’s conscience, and he pushed it away. He refused to be angry at you, refused to put the blame on you when you made it clear that you wanted him to move in so long ago, and he disregarded it without even once thinking about it.

“I’ll find you again,” he promised, voice strained and heavy with emotion. “I’ll graduate and find you.”

You stepped closer to him, gently cupping his cheek. “Go find someone that loves you for what you are, Jungkook.”

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t want you to settle for someone that asks too much for you,” you explained, renewed silver lining your eyes. “Find someone that loves you for who you are, right now.”

“Fuck that,” he choked out, and he pulled you flush against his chest. “Fuck this nonsense. ”

“I’m so sorry,” you cried against him.

“Don’t be,” he reassured you, though he was crying too. “Don’t be. Give me a few years. I’ll have it all figured out in a few years.”

*****

                The priest at the front of the church is going on and on about something that Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to. It’s impersonal, nothing like you, like the vibrant girl he remembers. So he lets his memory guide him to you, where you’re awaiting him. Your lips on his, your hand running through his hair. Your own hair catching in the wind that time you’d gone hiking, and he’d believed being at the top of the mountain with you felt like he had won in life.

Or that time you’d driven on the coast, windows down, screaming the lyrics to a song he can’t listen to anymore. Now the song is haunted by ghosts of a past he never learned to let go, perhaps because for months after the breakup he’d kept the conviction that he’d find his way back to you. He’d believed it the same way he believed the sun would always rise in the morning. A simple truth of nature, that nothing could ever break.

Except a car accident, apparently. Because all it took was a car accident to wipe you off the surface of the Earth, to take your light and shove it into shadows, into darkness and a void so wide he knows he’ll never find you again.

But he’d believed he’d find his way back to you. Never let anyone in after you, for the months and years it took him to graduate because he always knew he’d find his way back to you. You were his silver lining, the finish line at the end of the race. On a November day, just as sunny as today, Jungkook reached that finish line.

He did find you again, only you never knew.

*****

                Jungkook had never felt so light before. Like he had grown wings, like he was soaring in the clouds up above. Though the sun was out, the weather was cold, wind running cold fingers through the lapels of his coat until he found himself shivering as he made his way to the flower store.

He’d get the biggest bouquet for you, and then he’d head to where he knew from a common friend that you lived now. It was Saturday, and he hoped to catch you unaware, to catch you in the middle of cleaning your apartment the same way that you cleaned it back when you were dating.

The image of you, with your hair pulled back in a high ponytail as you danced around instead of sweeping the floor shone in his mind, brighter than the star in the sky above.

He bought the flowers, heart beating fast in his chest. Because it was time. It was finally time to go home, to tell you that he did everything he said he would, that he changed and now had a job that could support what you both wanted. He wanted to ask you out, and in his dreams you had been answering yes every single time since he had decided to go see you.

His heart fluttered as he gently rested the flowers on his passenger seat, careful not to damage them. Memories floated to him, and a smile grew on his lips as he remembered you, screaming out the window that day you had driven along the coast. You had stopped to watch the sunset in the waves, and he’d kissed you stupid on his back seat until every single inch of your skin knew about his love.

He couldn’t wait to create new memories with you.

He drove carefully, enjoying the warmth of the sun now that he was safely hidden from the wind. You actually didn’t live too far from where he did now, and soon enough he parked his car near your building. He got out of the vehicle, almost running to the other side in his excitement to grab the bouquet on the passenger seat. When it was safely tucked in his hand, Jungkook shut the car door, locked it, and started walking to your building.

He didn’t even know which apartment was yours. He believed fate would guide him, and so he crossed the street to your building, trusting the universe for what was to come next.

He heard your laugh before he saw you. Love swelled in his chest, and he wondered if you were laughing because you’d seen him, because you’d known that he’d come back for you.

And then he saw you. The wind was ruffling your hair, which he assumed had prompted the laugh. Your eyes were closed, hands struggling to push the wild strands behind your ears.

You were more beautiful than he remembered. Shone brighter, with the same stuff that stars consisted of. He was struck for a moment, watching you with his bouquet hoping that you’d open your eyes and see him.

The world slowed down to a stop, and time halted, and Jungkook watched you, feeling at home for the first time in years.

The illusion fractured the instant someone else came into view, making him realize that you hadn’t been laughing at the wind. No, perhaps your laughter took root in the dimples gracing the man’s cheeks as he smiled at you, as he pecked your forehead before grabbing your hand.

Jungkook ducked behind a car, clutching the flower bouquet like a lifeline the moment that you turned towards him. Did you hear his heart breaking? Did you hear the mockery in the November sun rays – you’d broken up on a similar day, years ago.

Jungkook couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think around the shattering of his heart, around the blood turning to ice in his veins as he heard you speak to the man – Namjoon, he heard you call him.

He would have rather not known the name.

Still Jungkook drank in the sound of your voice, trying to shape it into the words he was so willing to hear you say today. It didn’t work, and soon enough your voice disappeared, leaving him in a deafening silence of wind and sun and the realization that after all, he had come back too late.

Perhaps he should have known that he'd be too late.

*****

                When Jungkook received the call last week, he’d sat outside in the silence until he thought his eardrums would start bleeding. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t breathed, hadn’t done anything other than to stare at the fading light of the sun.

He wonders, why is it that whenever he breaks, November sun is shining high above? As if the universe takes pleasure in his torment, in undoing him until he barely counts as a human being anymore.

He got pissed out drunk that night. Last time he had been as drunk was when he had found out you were dating someone new, that day he had come to find you.

And now he wonders, if he had approached you that day, would you still be dead today? Would life still have put you on that road with its drunk driver so that you could meet your end?

Or would you be laughing at some dumb comment he’d make, telling him that he’s stupid with eyes so full of love he wouldn’t be able to do anything else but agree with you?

It’s hard to tell. So, he doesn’t try to figure it out – he has an eternity ahead of himself to figure out how to live without you anyway.

Maybe in all his misfortune Jungkook actually had some luck. He’s learned to grieve you a while ago already, and perhaps grieving someone that still lives is harder than grieving someone that’s passed. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he knows anything. Just that, so far back in the past he should have said fuck it and move in with you. It was such a simple request, but he had been too young and dumb, and he’d forever live with the regrets of it.

If someone from your family notices his presence at the funeral, recognizes him from your shared past, they don’t say. Especially not as the end of the ceremony comes before he’s had a chance to really take in the picture of you, smiling, over there next to the urn with your ashes.

You’re ashes now. Everything that made you – your laugh, your smile, the way you carried yourself with that simple elegance – all of it is gone to be replaced with mere ashes.

He doubts they can hold the truth of your essence, but then again he doesn’t think anything can, or anything ever will again.

He blinks away the tears as they come, leaving the ceremony like a whisper in the wind. He doesn’t want to speak to your family, doesn’t want to see them coddling the man that you loved, that survived the accident when he should have been the one to go.

Jealousy and selfishness are ugly, Jungkook realizes. But it’s easier to hate the man that took you away from him, no matter how unknowingly he did it.

And Jungkook tried to hate you once. He tried hard, in the months after that fated November day, when you’d laughed to that man’s joke, smiled when he’d smiled that soft dimpled smile of his. He had tried, because hating you felt like it was the only way he wouldn’t hurt. But he still hurt – he still hurts.

All he’s been able to do in his life since you broke up is hurt, and he highly doubts he’ll ever feel differently again.

Perhaps he’ll grow numb. Perhaps he should have grown numb a while ago.

At least that’s what he’s telling himself days later, when he’s looking at the tombstone they picked out for you. The finality of your name and the dates, the ending, is unnerving. He wishes it was fake, wishes it was a joke, and that he didn’t spend most of his life loving someone that moved on to a new love in just a few years.

It’s been over a decade and he hasn’t moved on even a little bit.

He kicks the ground, mad at the leaves littering the ground where you’re buried, as if they’re sullying you. And as if laughing at him, sun rays pierce through the clouds up above, that dreaded November sun making an appearance when it should stay gone.

He allows himself to cry. To break down, to sit on the ground and curse everything and everyone that’s ever been between you and him. He curses his stupidity, curses the sun and the leaves and the etchings on the stone. He hates everything. Hates himself, hates you, hates the whole fucking universe for taking you away, for not giving him the chance to be with you.

That’s how Namjoon finds him. Jungkook’s tears have receded, and he’s just sitting there, an empty shell that once held love and laughter and your lips on his. He hears the scuffle of Namjoon’s steps, of his cane as he walks up the path.

The man’s features are grave when Jungkook can’t help but glance towards him, sees him ambling up the path with that cane, the only indication that he too was in that car accident. And Jungkook wonders if Namjoon knows about him. If Namjoon knows that he wasn’t the first man whose love for you was a bottomless ocean, one Jungkook has drowned in time and time again since you broke up.

Namjoon remains standing, and Jungkook remains sitting. Like there’s an understanding between them, and silence conveys more than words could. Jungkook doesn’t want to move, and Namjoon clearly doesn’t have anywhere to go.

Jungkook thinks the Earth has revolved around the sun at least once before Namjoon scrapes his throat.

“It’s hard to believe that she’s gone, isn’t it?” he speaks, deep voice carrying the weight of the universe.

Jungkook doesn’t deign reply as his eyes fill with tears, though he refuses to let them out right now.

Especially not in front of the man you loved after him.

“You’re Jungkook, aren’t you?”

The simple sentence makes Jungkook lose it. He hides his face in his hands, his whole soul bleeding out under the November sun.

“She told me about you,” Namjoon continues, and Jungkook is convinced he hears pain, tears and grief laced with Namjoon’s words.

What did you tell him, Jungkook wonders? Did you tell Namjoon that you should have waited for Jungkook, that you should have given him a chance to become what you needed?

“She loved you a lot,” Namjoon adds after a silence, and he chokes on a sob. “She never forgot about you.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jungkook asks with that broken voice, raspy with disuse.

He hasn’t been able to speak since you died.

“You deserve to grieve. She loved and loved, and I wish it would have been enough for her to live…”

“Stop,” Jungkook begs. “Please.”

Namjoon falls silent, offering salvation to Jungkook, though Jungkook doesn’t know if he deserves it.

Would he have been able to offer salvation to someone in his position if the situation was reversed? He highly doubts it.

“It’s just…” he trails off when he finds words again. “You got fucking years with her. You got years of loving and-“ it breaks on a sob. “And you were fucking engaged.” Jungkook pulls at his hair. “You were engaged, and all I got was months. Not even a full year.”

“I’m sorry man,” Namjoon answers, voice so broken Jungkook wonders who’s suffering the most.

He doesn’t think it’s himself.

“Was she happy?” Jungkook eventually asks, once he can’t stand the silence hanging around. Once he can’t stand the etchings on the stone, the void in the universe that used to be filled with you.

“I made her as happy as I could,” Namjoon replies truthfully, his voice strained but not as pained anymore. As if he’s reached a conclusion, clarity filling his mind.

Not needing to hear more, Jungkook gets up, dusting himself off.

“Good talk,” he says, fighting against the next onslaught of tears, and then he’s storming off.

Storming away from you, from everything that you meant to him. And maybe the sun rays really are mocking him in that beautiful November sky, because Namjoon says, “I don’t think she ever truly was happy after you, though.”

Jungkook stops, convinced someone just stabbed him right in the heart. He doesn’t think the organ can beat anymore, doesn’t think he can live anymore. He just wants to be dust on the wind, to be forgotten, and to stop fucking feeling all the time.

“She was calling off the engagement,” Namjoon continues. “She…” Jungkook turns, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen such agony as the one that graces Namjoon’s features right now. “She said she shouldn’t get married to me when she still loved another.”

Clouds pass in front of the November sun, and Jungkook remembers the smile on your face whenever you’d catch his gaze. He remembers the way you’d lovingly cupped his cheek even when you were breaking up with him. He still feels the ghost of your fingers on his skin as he holds Namjoon’s broken gaze.

He holds Namjoon’s broken gaze, unable to offer the man salvation. It might make him a monster, might make him selfish and jealous and everything that he finds disgusting about humanity. But Jungkook doesn’t care.

Not when he realizes that perhaps, perhaps he’s the one that you’re waiting for on the other side of the veil, so that you can rest in the eternity of afterlife together.

And perhaps, perhaps there’s some sort of beauty in the thought.

☆☆☆☆☆

I am crying and in pain and I am sending everyone that read this whole thing lots of love and if you need to talk just hit me up bc grief is a bitch and we hate her and I just wish I could take everyone's grief away

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[tavolgisvist]

Their trial separations

JOHN: "I was always waiting for a reason to get out of the Beatles from the day I filmed 'How I Won The War' (in 1966). I just didn't have the guts to do it."

(John Lennon, Newsweek, September 29, 1980)

I was too scared to break away from the Beatles, but I’d been looking to it since ’65 when we stopped touring. And maybe Paul had been, too—I don’t know. I can’t speak for the others. <…> And so from ’65 on I was sort of vaguely looking for somewhere to go, but I didn’t have the nerve to really step in the boat by myself and push the boat off.

(John Lennon, Sept. 1980, in All We Are Saying by David Sheff)

There seem to be certain cycles that relationships go through. The critical points are at different parts of the different cycles. The new way of talking is like, “Well, why work on a relationship? We just stop and get another one.” But the karmic joke is, presuming you’re lucky enough to find a new relationship anywhere near the relationship you’re giving up—or exchanging, or walking away from, or destroying by inattention or inadvertence or selfishness or whatever it is—that you have to go through it over and over and over again right up until you’re seventy. People never grasp the fact that they’re going to have to go through the same thing again. They get to the sort of five-year stretch or the seven-year itch or whatever these tension points are that seem to be organic, built in, like the tide coming in and going out. It’s like every time the tide goes out you quit—you move your house or something. I’m not making it clear here, but you get where I’m going…

(John Lennon, Sept. 1980, in All We Are Saying by David Sheff)

[Paul] even recorded that [Why Don't We Do It in the Road?] all by himself in the other room, that’s how it was getting in those days. We came in and he’d – he’d made the whole record. Him drumming, him playing the piano, him singing. Just because – it was getting to be where he wanted to do it like that, but he couldn’t – couldn’t – maybe he couldn’t make the break from The Beatles, I don’t know what it was… But we’re all, I’m sure – I can’t speak for George, but I was always hurt when he’d knock something off without… involving us, you know? But that’s just the way it was then.

(John Lennon, August, 1980: interview for Playboy with David Sheff)

There isn’t enough outlet for me in the Beatles. The Ono Band is my escape valve. And how important that gets, as compared to the Beatles for me, I’ll have to wait and see.

(John Lennon, New Musical Express December 13, 1969)

So you couldn’t really say, “Oh, we don’t want you to do that, John. You should just stay with us.” We felt so wimpy, you know. So it had to happen like that.

(Paul McCartney, November, 1983, interview with DJ Roger Scott)

Last year John said he wanted a divorce. All right, so do I. I want to give him that divorce. I hate this trial separation because it’s just not working. Personally, I don’t think John could do the Beatles thing now. I don’t think it would be good for him.

(Paul McCartney, Evening Standard, April 21-22, 1970)

For instance, when they [John and Yoko] bust up their marriage, she came through London. He was in LA doing Pussy Cats with Nilsson and having a generally quite crazy time of it all <…> all because he genuinely loved Yoko and they had a very, very deep, strong relationship… <…> She was very nice and confided in us but she was being very strong about it. She said, ‘No, he’s got to work his way back.’ I said, ‘Well look, do you still love him?’, and she said, ‘Yes.’ So I said, ‘Well, would you think it was an intrusion if I said to him, “Look, man, she loves you and there’s a way to get back”— sounds like a Beatles’ song — and I said ‘Would that be OK?’ <...> So I said, ‘You’re going to have to work your little ass off, man. You have to get back to New York, you have to take a separate flat, you have to send her roses every fucking day, you have to work at it like a bitch! Then you just might get her back.’ And he did.

(Paul McCartney, 1986, interview with Chris Salewicz for Q Magazine)

LENNON: When she [Yoko] kicked me out, I saw I was kicked out. When I was kicked out, I realized where I was, which was on a raft in the middle of the universe, and whatever happened, presuming I could have started another relationship, I would have ended up in the same place—if I was lucky. And that’s a big if. <…> It took a while, but that’s what I saw. If I was lucky … <…> There are laws governing that relationship, too. You can either give up halfway up the hill and say, “I don’t want to climb the mountain, it’s too tough, I’m going to go back to the bottom and start again,” or you can do it this time. PLAYBOY: But you once decided it was too tough. LENNON: I did. But I didn’t see any of this then. Yoko and I were lucky enough to go through that and come back and pick up where we left off, although it took us some kind of effort and energy to—to blend in again and get in the same sync again.

(John Lennon, Sept. 1980, in All We Are Saying by David Sheff)

“The separation didn’t work out,” Lennon joked, telling Paul that he had moved back to the Dakota on February 3 [1975]—just as Paul was recording ‘Call Me Back Again,’ the song he started just after reconnecting with John in Los Angeles—and that he and Yoko were hoping to work things out.

(Uncredited: “Teazers,” NME, February 15, 1975, p. 48 in The McCartney Legacy: Volume 2: 1974-1980 by Allan Kozinn and Adrian Sinclair, 2024)

‘We [John and Yoko] are back together now. And happier than over before. It’s the old, old story—when you get someone back that you’ve lost it’s better than ever.’

(John Lennon, 1975, interview with Penny Grant for Game: Enjoying the big apple)

[anonymousdisco]

How’d I get Isikiad into Yandere Obey Me Chapter Eleven Part One-Tears, fears, and not so secret discussions

Three important things real quick to make things a bit more clear before we head to the story:

1-) November and December suck up any free time I have. This is due to things I have to do in my personal life that include family, my education, and my work. Because of this updates will be sporadic until mid December with the exception of Christmas. Which is slightly unfortunate because I love writing given it’s my passion.

2-) I’ve avoided using curse words in my writing till now, but I will be holding a poll soon to see if the majority of y’all don’t mind cause I don’t care either way.

3-) Just to let y’all know Reader Cannon Age in the story is going to be 17,998. This is because I headcannon that every thousand years is like one year to immortals, and I want the reader in the story to be just almost an adult which would be at eighteen thousand. But before entering the story the Reader was already an adult for a while so their treatment of her is going to cause her discomfort as someone who is mentally no longer a young almost adult.

The characters ages are as follows:

Barbatos: time itself tbh

Lucifer: 24,331

Diavolo: 24,451 (I feel like he and Lucifer are really close in age given their dynamic with each other, but Diavolo is just slightly older.)

Mammon: 23,302

Leviathan: 22,856

Satan: 22,560

Asmodeus: 21,985

Beelzebub: 21,005

Belphegore: 21,005

Simeon: 24,556

Luke: 10,115

Solomon: He lost track and doesn’t even bother with his age beyond 6000, but he’s considered an adult instead of a 6 year old equivalent given that he’s human and their lifespans aren’t supposed to be that long. He’ll always say he’s 6,000 and holding 😂.

Mephistopheles: 23,334 (he’s around 1,000 years younger than Diavolo because I’m sticking to the canon of him being born to be Diavolo’s friend/playmate for his parents status.)

Thirteen: a lady never tells her age but before she was a grim reaper I headcanon that she died at 25 as a human so still an adult.

Yuki: 16 nearing 17 (Yuki’s appearance btw will be based off of my MC as will her background story which will be revealed later on. I can’t wait to put her in the story cause I thrive on foreshadowing.

It’s also part of my headcanon for immortals like demons and angels to not really care about their age past the thousands part. So if someone asks their age they’ll say 23 instead of 23,560 because to them it makes more sense. Most don’t even celebrate their birthdays every year and only celebrate them when it seems to matter like every thousand years. The only exception to this is when their a figure of importance or of great respect. Then they celebrate every single year. This will be important later on so when introductions are eventually made soon, I hope this clears up any misunderstandings. Have a lovely day and enjoy the story!

(Y/N) POV:

I blinked slowly and struggled to sit up. Barbatos quickly assisted me carefully while chiding me. “Your still a bit weak, My Lady. Be careful.”

“Y-yes, Barbatos.” I stuttered out confused. His behavior was vastly more familiar than before. Just how well did this cliche work?! I told Glitch mentally to prepare a status update for me.

“Where are my Brothers?” I hesitated for a moment acting a bit shy. “Are they… here?” I let my shoulder droop a bit in an act of disappointment not seeing them near.

“Your brothers are nearby. They have taken a moment to rest while waiting for you to wake up. It’s quite late at night.” He gathered a blanket from a linen closet and wrapped it around my shoulders. “Here bundle up, My Lady.” He then walked over to the fireplace checking over the fire.

I sat there staring, just feeling genuinely confused. Those sedatives really did a number on me I suppose since my cognitive ability is still waking up. I could tell I felt stronger though. Where before I felt like glass I now felt more sturdy.

“I will inform the others of your change in condition.” Barbatos bowed before leaving.

“A competent butler is truly something else…” I mumbled. “He knows exactly what to do so fast.” 

“Status update prepared.” Glitch announced popping into existence in front of me.

I read the screen carefully as discreetly as I could. It seems like this worked better than I bargained for. I never realized they had a savior complex. But then again they always seemed to call the player in the game human as if they’re weak no matter how strong they showed they are so I suppose it makes sense. They must need to perceive someone they care about as weaker than them, and it appears I have officially stolen that spot. What will happen to the game timeline now? Did I girl boss my way too close to the sun…?

The uncertainty made me tremble. Till now things have been completely under my control. I knew this was necessary for me to do as a step towards my end goal but still… I felt panic grip my heart. Panic attacks were no stranger to me. Before I died I used to have them all the time. But it felt like ages ago compared to all I had achieved till now.

(Panic attack described below based off of ones I’m used to. Everyone reacts differently to different levels of panic attacks. I’m just going to describe how I’m familiar with one. I want to add a warning in case anyone finds this triggering to not read till my next note.)

I felt like there was cement gripping my heart in my chest shrinking it smaller. My vision felt glassy and my cheeks felt wet. Was I crying? I don’t understand. I feel like I can’t move but I’m clearly shaking. I saw drops of water hitting the blanket I was gripping in a death grip. Ah, so I am crying. Why won’t it stop, why won’t the shaking stop? I want to be small, I feel too big… How’s my mind so calm when I’m freaking out so much?! Why won’t my body listen to me?! I’m still in control so just listen!

I felt someone grip me in a vice grip. Something dark covered my vision. It felt soft and warm. I’m so cold, why am I so cold? I slowly realized I heard sobbing. It sounded like someone was grasping for breath. Was that… me? Why won’t my lungs take in oxygen? I’m telling them to. I clutched whoever was holding me. It felt nice now that I got over the initial shock and fear of being suddenly held. After a while the shaking subsided and I was only hiccuping a bit from all the crying.

(The description is over so it’s safe to read from here if panic attacks being described triggers you. I hope this helped you avoid it if you wanted to.)

Hands stroked my head still slowly as a quite comforting chirp of sorts sounded from whoever it was. I looked up slightly with puffy eyes. “B-big b-brother…?” I gripped him tighter. “Y-your here?” I felt shocked. I hadn’t expected anyone to show up after being updated.

“Yes, I’m here. We all are.” Lucifer lifted his wings from around me as he chirped comfortingly. Cooing to me in reassurement as he held me tighter. “What’s wrong little one? Who scared you?”

“N-no one, Lucifer.” They all gave me doubting looks and I shrunk down a bit.

“It’s okay, you're not in trouble. Just tell us who caused you to have a panic attack. We just want to talk to them.” Satan's smile as he reassured me was scary. It didn’t seem like it’d be a simple talk at all.

I looked down in embarrassment. “No one caused it. I w-was just alone, a-and got scared.” Tears pricked my eyes. Of course I couldn’t tell them the truth. At least Glitch protected me from Diavolo’s gift to see lies. And I wasn’t even really lying, just not telling the whole truth.

“Oh, Darling, don’t worry we’re all here now.” Asmodeus said as he held one of my hands soothingly. “It’s late. Why don’t you cozy up and get comfy. You have a big, big day tomorrow.” His tone was almost patronizing the way he talked as if I was a little kid when I clearly was not. I was too tired after my panic attack to protest though as they all tucked me in.

“I’m sorry, My Lady. I should’ve realized you would be scared to be left alone. I have no words to describe my regret now.” Barbatos apologized, bowing in regret. “My incompetence is unforgivable.”

“It’s alright.” I mumble half asleep. “You didn’t do it on purpose.” I yawned as all my brothers kissed my forehead one by one saying goodnight.

Lucifer POV:

I held (Y/N) in my arms carefully while she slept. A brief argument had broken out in the hall over who would be the one to do so, but I put an end to it immediately. Tomorrow it will be Mammons turn, and it will eventually start over after Belphie’s.

I stroked her hair lightly, still cooing a bit to her in comfort. I can’t believe out of all the things I didn’t notice, I never noticed she suffered from panic attacks. I still remember all the nights I spent helping my brother with their ptsd from the celestial war. Those seven thousand years we spent fighting our own kind only to fail, and end up what we were taught to hate and despise… It messed us up, and we were all adults. What must it have done to a small child?

The pain of the fall, the feeling of being ripped apart and unmade, and the horror of being in what we thought would be a land full of beings who would kill us on sight… Even just the smell of the blood we were drenched in from after the fall. She was three thousand at the time. Did she even know what it all meant?

My grip tightened causing her to shift in her sleep. I shushed her gently back to settling. She must be exhausted from the sedative still.

(Honestly this is the most I can post right now. I really wish I could post more, but my life involves more than writing unfortunately. 😭 Even though it’s Sunday I still have so much left to do today lol.)

Next Chapter:

https://www.tumblr.com/anonymousdisco/768592135177027584/howd-i-get-isikiad-into-yandere-obey-me-chapter?source=share

[boundbyeclipse]

3(fluff) or 5(fluff) with Lars Ulrich??? Seems like it’d be really cute for him:>

Hope you’ve been having a good day!🫶

-👻

i only have eyes for you

genre : fluff

word count : 952

tags : softie!lars, lars x reader, one swear word, and that's basically it

from the prompt list : 3. "I'll walk you home"

It was a chilly November evening, the sun going down and slowly disappearing within the horizon, fall leaves crunching under your feet as you walked  to the cafe. You adored the colors of them, as well as the scent, it was such a beautiful time of the year. But you weren’t the only one thinking that way - Lars thought alike, who was right beside you. The boy with long, luscious brown hair and dreamy green eyes was taking you out on a date for the first time ever since you two met. 

It happened two months ago, while Metallica was performing on the stage, you arrived to pay a visit to your brother who worked as a staff member for the boys. Once the show was done, he kindly introduced you to all four of them. They all looked really handsome, but specifically Lars. You found him magnetic, it was hard to stop staring at that guy the whole entire time. The hair, the smile, the voice. Oh, did he notice. But you weren’t the only one who found it hard to look elsewhere. Lars clearly had trouble with it too.

The boys, being friendly and nice, offered to go eat something and just hang out with you and your brother all together. Sure, you agreed, because why not? Anyone would say yes to going out with Metallica. Now that was one hell of a lucky day. 

Well, ever since then, Lars got to see you more and more because you would come to visit your brother almost every time they had a concert. You knew you were welcome there so it was not a problem for anybody to have you coming. 

Eventually, Lars found himself thinking about you so much, every day and night, to the point where he realized that he liked you a lot, and that he had to do something about it quickly. Mind you, he’s quite the possessive type, so Lars wasn’t going to let anyone else pull you away from him. And with that being said, after having dinner with the boys, he called you and asked you if you wanted to go out for coffee. First move was successful. 

That’s how you ended up here, in this cafe with Lars who sat in front of you. You couldn’t help but smile the entire time you two talked and whenever he made you laugh a lot. With him, time was flying and you didn’t even think about it until you looked at the clock. 

“Wait, what? We’ve been here for three hours already?” your eyes widened upon realization. 

“Shit, I thought we’ve only been here for like an hour” Lars chuckled, leaning back in his seat and also taking a look at the clock on the wall to his left. 

“You okay with spending so much time with me?” 

He shrugged, “I don’t mind that, we got nothing to do tomorrow anyways” 

“And you still chose to invite me on a date today instead of tomorrow after you’ve had your rest, ugh” you jokingly rolled your eyes and sighed, shaking your head  in disbelief. 

Lars smirked to himself avoiding eye contact as he fiddled his fingers as he had his hands in his lap. He was just thinking about what to say to you. 

“I’m just like that. If I don’t do it now, I might not get the chance to do it ever again” 

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

“Do I look like a skittish cat that’s going to just run off suddenly? I didn’t give you my number only to disappear the next day” 

“Who knows, maybe you don’t like me” he smiled to himself, fixing his hair and placing his elbows on the table. You only shook your head and looked at him with a giggle.

“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t, you idiot”

It made him smile wider, genuinely, the teasing from you made him feel happy. That’s one of the things he liked about you so much - when you called him names and had a bit of an attitude to yourself. He only wanted to know more about you.

After another twenty-ish minutes, you decided it was time to go home since it was getting late and you both needed to get some sleep. It was also already dark outside and you weren’t so comfortable with walking home on your own. But to your surprise, Lars spoke up.

“I’ll walk you home” as if he could read your mind.

“Really?” “Yeah. I’m not letting you go all alone when it’s this dark out” 

You pressed your lips together in an attempt to hide the smile that was breaking out, but failed as it was impossible to stop it. 

“Thank you” 

“Thank me later” he said, helping you with your coat. 

The walk was soon over as you reached the location of your home, standing right in front of it together as the wind began to pick up pace. It was getting colder, too.

You shrugged your shoulders up in response to the wind. 

“Can I thank you now?” 

“Yes”

“Thank you, Lars” 

Both of you smiled at each other. 

“No worries. Now get your beautiful face inside and get all cozy and warm, alright?”

“Okay. And you text me when you’re back and safe. Got it?” 

Lars nodded.

“I will” 

Oh, how much he wanted to kiss you, but he didn’t want to rush. But that’s okay, he’s got all the time to do it. So instead, he just patted the top of your head before saying goodnight and heading back to the hotel they were staying at, sending you a text right then and there,  just as he promised. 

[rowanraven08]

Unsolicited tma rant no one asked for:

I’ve been thinking a bit about exactly what makes me like the Magnus archives so much, cause I’m not really into horror anthology. Yeah, it’s a good aspect of the genre, but it’s never really caught my interest that much. And I consider myself a fan of horror, but I don’t actually like that many horror movies that much. I like it as a genre, and watching video essays about it, about how different horror affects us, that sort of thing. Horror doesn’t even make me scared usually. I’ll flinch at jump scares of course, but it’s pretty rare that I’m watching a horror movie and be genuinely afraid of the murderer or demon or whatever’s on screen.

Tma even took me a while to get into. I started it maybe in October or November? And it took me until January to get even a dozen episodes in. It was good, but I was really just waiting until it got to the good bits that made everyone love it so much. I knew there was some sort of meta plot, and had a cannon gay ship, that was all I knew when I started, and the reason I kept on with it. I hate to say it, but if I didn’t know even that, I don’t think I would have listened to more than a couple episodes, because short self contained stories isn’t what I’m interested in. Especially when there’s a magic Latin book and a coffin with knocking (I thought it would be a vampire or something) or some weird thing luring people into alleys to kill them. I took those early episodes to be generic devil worship sort of horror, that the weird details were added in just to add to the spook. That’s something that tends to bother me with horror movies, when there’s all this dark magic just for the sake of dark magic, and ends with this big question or realization that can’t be solved. And I do understand ending movies with something the audience can’t understand, because the mystery and strangeness can add to the horror. But I really dislike this, I’m all cool with hard or impossible to understand endings, don’t get me wrong, but when there’s no way to theorize, no dots to start connecting, I find that really frustrating. A good example (I can’t find what movie it is, so if someone know lmk) is a movie with the classic family moves into large old house, creepy basement, with satanic sort of imagery. I did actually like most of it, the stairs to the basement were normal, until there was a ball knocked down them when the light was off, and you could hear it keep going far longer than the actual staircase was. That these stairs kept going for who knows how long when the light is off. What I didn’t like was the end, where we got to see what was at the bottom of these endless stairs, and there’s long lines of people in this void, just standing there. But there was no explanation for this, no way to start theorizing as to what this could be, why it happens.

This is what I thought TMA was gonna be. Each episode never really ended with an explanation, or a way to theorize (early on) and I thought it would stay that way. I remember in January I was finally listening to more on a plane ride, and got to ep22, Martin’s statement about Jane Prentiss. It wasn’t even this specific episode that got me interested, not fully. I did like the worms, description of Jane prentiss, all that but it was when I kinda realized there was something to theorize about, that there was actually something going on behind the scenes. And it kept me listening. It was a bit frustrating how slow the season seemed to go, because I wanted to know what the worms were about, and I admit I rushed through a few episodes, again, thinking they were just filler short stories to break apart the real meat of it. The episode I think that really sealed the deal was strange music, specifically the bit between Sasha and Jon, I wasn’t too interested in creepy clown dolls, but that silly little debate over how to pronounce calliope was honestly charming. Like “oh, these characters aren’t gonna be overdramatized horror movies characters, at least not too much.” Once I got to the season 1 finale I was obsessed and basically finished the rest in two or three weeks (I listened to the last 120 episode in a single week).

And good lord Jonny I am SO SORRY I DOUBTED YOU. Because none of it was creepy books or creepy dolls or weird coffins for the hell of it, you weren’t actually left with no idea of what the ending meant. You just had to listen to Jon as he because paranoid and pulled out the red string, pulling all the pieces together for you until we finally got the big picture. I never once expected the fears, or avatars, or that Robert smirk was anything but a weird architecture, that Jonah Magnus was anything but a stuffy old man who founded the institute. And that’s why I think I love TMA so much, is there really is a big satisfying pay out as a listener, I didn’t even put the dots together myself and it’s still gratifying. The slow realization that these episodes aren’t just horror for the sake of horror, they have a reason, an explanation, and it still manages to keep a level of mystery and unknowability that makes you just always want to know more. Re-listening has been genuinely so fun, because especially with later episodes I’m able to connect those dots, and see the full picture as it unravels. The thing in the dark alley wasn’t targeting smokers to be spooky, it was a monster collecting victims to use in a ritual, and that addiction is part of the web.

So yeah, that was probably really redundant, but I just really love that slow reveal, all the little bits you can connect, and theories you can make. Jonathan Sims forgive me for ever doubting your writing, I see now you’re a genius, please give me your brain, I need it for my own creativity. Thanks for coming to my ted talk

[simpknight]

Hello! I'd like to request a fic about Napoleon attempting to propose to gn!reader but he gets interrupted every time. I think it could be sweet and a bit funny especially if he had planned it out perfectly but bad luck just keeps getting in the way of his foolproof plan and it frustrates him a bit.

Also: Thank you so much for the Napoleon content you had made a few years ago. Your writing made me fall in love with him and that love led to me meeting a wonderful friend who means the world to me. I hope you never doubt the power of your writing and you always stay healthy!

Thank you so much for your kind words (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) It means a lot that someone can enjoy my works and bond with other people over them. I hope both you and your friend have a wonderful day! 

Unfortunately I couldn’t post this sooner (I was hoping to post this during October/November but life didn’t let me 😣) I hope you’ll enjoy it and that the wait was worth 🙂

Words: 1,823

Rating: Gen

Warnings: None

Each time he is summoned, Napoleon always falls in love with a different person. When he was summoned in the Scandinavian Lostbelt, he fell in love with Ophelia, and now that he is in Chaldea, he fell in love with you.

You still remember when he finally confessed his feelings for you; both of you had already talked at length about how, even if they were the same servant, the Napoleon in Chaldea isn't the same as the one in the Lostbelt since their experiences are different. Still, it was hard for you to accept his love at first after you had seen a version of him loving another person so fervently. However, Napoleon had always proven that his love for you was as genuine and as pure as it could be, and little by little all the doubts that clouded your mind went away.

Both of you were happy with your relationship, until one day Napoleon decided that ‘dating’ wasn't enough, he wanted to go one step further, to spend the rest of your life (or his materialization) together.

It was no easy task to find a proper ring to propose, he had to ask other servants for help before succeeding in his search for the ideal ring for you. All that was left was to wait for the perfect moment, which he thought wouldn't be as difficult as all the previous work.

How wrong he was.

The first opportunity to propose came after one of your usual training sessions in the simulator, set in one of the ample hills you once saw during the First Singularity in Orleans. You were both alone (if you didn't count Mash and Da Vinci, who were monitoring your actions from the command room) waiting for the simulation to finish. The weather was nice and there were no signs of the fight that took place moments ago.

The archer thought that perhaps during this moment of peace after combat was the perfect moment to take action. Nothing could ruin it. 

“Maître, can I have a word?” 

He put his hand on his left pocket, making sure he had the ring with him. Once his fingers touched the small box, he took a deep breath and tried to relax his shoulders.

“Everything ok?”

“With you by my side? Nothing could be better.” your gentle chuckle made him smile a little

“Are you sure about that? Lately you seem like you are, well, preoccupied with something. And now you suddenly start acting polite around me? Is something going on?”

“Hahaha, guess nothing gets past through you” 

He winks at you, soon his flirty behavior ceases, a serious yet determined look in his eyes.

“You know I’m not a man that dwells on the past, I would rather look towards the future. And, as you are well aware, we servants don’t know when our time will come… I believe we’ve both learned a lot from each other during our relationship, we went through so many things together and… I was wondering if you-”

“MASTER!” Da Vinci suddenly screamed via the communicator, a loud alarm echoed in the background as she spoke “There’s been some error within the simulator! Not only we can’t get you out, but also it suddenly spawned a bunch of EX level enemies. I’m afraid you and Napoleon will have to keep them at bay while we try to fix it.”

You exchanged an apologetic look, your servant was trying to tell you something important, you could feel it, but unfortunately it would have to wait. This kind of things always occurred in the worst moments possible. Without further ado, Napoleon and you prepared for the upcoming fight, crossing your fingers so Da Vinci could repair things as fast as possible.

When you could finally return to Chaldea, Napoleon saw you so exhausted he insisted that you should rest for the day, claiming that his announcement could wait until you felt better. With a goodbye kiss you went to your room, leaving him in the command room.

“Well, it is what it is.” he thought to himself. That was but a little mishap, he had plenty of time to give you the ring. “Surely tomorrow, Maître will be free.”

The next day he patiently waited for you in the cafeteria. His plan was to enjoy breakfast with you, then take you to a private place (perhaps he could try the simulator again). You spotted him sitting in your favorite spot, yet before you could even approach him, you were surrounded by Nursery, Voyager and Abigail. You had forgotten that you promised to spend the day with them, so with an apologetic smile you waved Napoleon goodbye. He knew you wouldn’t let the kids down; a promise is a promise after all. He can wait another day after all.

That’s why the day after, he woke up extra early, that way no one could snatch you away. Unless of course that person woke up earlier than him and that person was Scathach. He found you being victim of one of her ultra-intensive training sessions; luckily you’re not a servant or she would be even harder with you. When you noticed him, you briefly stopped your training to give him a quick peck on the cheek, then returned to your work out session.

He kept trying to find some alone time with you, but whenever he found you, you were either training, having tea with Mash or helping one of the other servants. Of course “impossible” isn’t part of his dictionary, yet he couldn’t deny this whole “proposal” thing was quite the challenge.

His last resort was to wait the whole day in your room. At some point you’ll need to rest right? So he sat outside of your room and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He stood up once it started getting late, perhaps you were on a mission he didn’t know about. But when he was about to leave, he heard your voice at the end of the corridor, saying goodbye to Mash. As you spotted Napoleon your face suddenly lightened up, instinctively making him smile.

“How long have you been here?”

“Me? Oh, I’ve just come here!”

“Suuure…” you opened the door, inviting him in. “Did you really miss me that much?”

“To be completely honest, I did.”

His confession caught you with your guard down, it made you flush a bit. Napoleon noticed but said nothing, he just sat on the bed, next to you.

“If you were waiting here for so long that means you need to tell me something important right?”

“Hahaha, guess it was quite obvious, wasn’t it? Truth is I’ve wanted to talk with you for a couple of days now… But I suppose being mankind’s last master makes you pretty popular.” 

“If it makes you feel better… I really wanted to spend some time with you. Just the two of us.”

“Oh, really? Well, it doesn’t surprise me much, I have that effect on people after all.” He winked at you. You just rolled your eyes, pretending to be annoyed.

“You’re lucky you’re my favorite servant”

“Indeed I am, I never felt so lucky to be with someone as wonderful as you.” you felt something shift slightly on his way of speaking, he sounded more serious this time “I told you this before, but I’m a man that likes to stay in the present, to look at what tomorrow will bring and not look back to the past. I know this relationship had a bit of a rough start since… Well, since it took you some time to see me as “myself” and not as the “other me” in Scandinavia. But our relationship has brought me nothing but joy and happiness, and I believe you feel the same. That’s why I wanted to tell you that I want to be with you for as long as my spirit core can handle.”

Napoleon searched in his right pocket… Yet found nothing. He reached in his left pocket without success. In the end, when he could finally confess he had forgotten to bring the ring with him.

“... I’m sorry, Maître. I told you all of this hoping to give you something. Looks like luck is not on my side today.”

“Hey, cheer up. I bet you can give me whatever it was on another occasion. Besides I… I feel the same way; you make me really happy.”

“I've wanted to tell you how you make me feel for a long time now. I prefer to let my actions speak for themselves but I felt that wasn't enough.”

You cupped his cheeks to kiss him tenderly. It was brief, sweet and yet it was enough to make his frustration for the failed proposal disappear. You were right, he had plenty of time to try again. Both of you spent some time together telling each other how your day was or sharing some funny anecdotes until late in the night. Napoleon was ready to leave and let you rest.

“Oh, wait, is this what you said you forgot?”

Just when he was about to leave through the door, as if fate was trying to play a prank on him, he turned around to find you with a tiny black box between your hands. He panicked at the thought of missing his last chance.

“WAIT-”

You opened it too quickly. 

“Ugh! I was too late!” scratching his head in frustration, he momentarily avoided your gaze “Well, you see, the reason of all that speech was that I wanted to ask you to marry me. I know it's a bit sudden! It's just…”

When he looked back at you he noticed your hands shaking. Your mouth opened and closed, finding it difficult to speak and your eyes started to become watery.

“Yes” you failed in your attempt to hold your tears, once you started crying there was no way to make them stop. It took Napoleon some time to understand what you had just said.

“You mean…?” you nodded.

“Of course I want to marry you!” 

You hugged him tightly, face buried on his chest. Napoleon caressed your cheek before gently wiping your tears with his thumb, reaching for a kiss. 

He took the box from your hands, then, delicately holding the ring, he kneeled before you.

“May I?”

Nodding, you extended your hand to let him put you the ring. You kissed and hugged him again while tons of thoughts flooded your head. Should you tell Mash and the rest? How will you arrange a ceremony in Novum Chaldea? You were too emotional to think at that moment. Eventually, Napoleon took his leave; after so much crying, your whole body started to feel heavy and needed to rest for the day. However, it took you some time to fall asleep since you kept looking at the ring on your finger every now and then.

[gourdyshome]

THAT EX PATRICK BLURB…….. you may have ATE i fear… bcs he IS self destruction. (there’s some references to casual by chappell roan i couldnt help myself hehe)

can’t let himself have true happiness bcs deep down he feels like he hasn’t done anything to deserve it. his corrupted parents could not give less of a shit abt him when he wasn’t winning tennis championships, so why are you, a perfect, untainted angel, worshipping him like a god no matter what he does?

he doesn’t want to fuck other girls, their pussy doesn’t even feel good, but he feels like he has to. so he does, but doesn’t tell anyone how he can only cum if he thinks about you. doesn’t tell anyone that if he gets too lost in the sex, he has to bite his tongue from letting your name slip from his lips. doesn’t tell anyone how after sex, he just leaves, because he can’t bring himself to hold the girl how he held you.

it hurts to live life without you, so he tries filling the void of you with more nameless girls and forgettable parties. which makes life feel shittier, the feeling of which he tries fixing with more parties and one night stands. it’s a vicious fucking cycle.

and you’re not doing any better, either. he’s heard from mutual friends that you’re confused and hurt, that they see you cry almost every time they visit you, and that, apart from going to class, you don’t go out anymore. not with friends, not to parties. patrick hates that he’s the reason for all this, he genuinely despises himself for hurting his girl. he wants to come see you, but he can’t.

after a month of so of wallowing in self pity, you decide to finally go out. fuck patrick, you think. you go to this party your friends were talking about, and how patrick was gonna be a think of the past after this. you enter, immediately grabbing a drink and mingling with people and finally smiling and enjoying yourself for the first time in a while. that is, until you notice a tall, blonde girl pinned against the wall, moaning as a guy shoves his tongue down her throat. ugh, thanks for the painfully brutal reminder that i’m single, you say to the universe.

you can’t see the guy because there’s people standing in front of you, but when they shuffle out of your eyeline, you catch a glimpse of those unmistakable curls. it… can’t be him, right? you watch them from afar for a while to accept that yes, that is patrick zweig. her hands run through his hair, and he grabs her ass. you feel sick to your stomach. he’s kissing her with the same lips he kissed you, touches her with the same hands he held you. you push through the sea of people to go outside, you can’t breathe. you cause a bit of a scene and eyes watch you as you leave in a hurry, including patrick’s. he had no idea you were gonna be here. tells the girl to fuck off, and follows you outside.

you’re standing there, arms wrapped around yourself, trying to breathe in the chilly november air and calm down. he waits, a minute passes, then two, and for the first time in his life, he doesn’t know what to say. or how to approach you. you feel his presence. you know it’s him. you’ve always been able to tell when he was around. soulmates, you used to say. sounds so naive in hindsight. he touches your shoulder, you break down. you turn around to face him. “god, patrick, i can’t get rid of you! you’re fucking everywhere! i-in the mattress, in my s-sheets, in m-my clothes, in my fucking textbooks… and now here? why won’t you just leave? i-i can’t breathe around you anymore!” smudged mascara runs down your face. patrick bites the inside of his cheek, he’s not gonna keep it together for very long if he sees you crying. he feels sick knowing he’s responsible. he tries to wipe your tears. you flinch away. “don’t fucking touch me! you lost that right a long time ago.”

in his head, he’s still just protecting you from himself. so he says something without thinking. in actuality, he’s also trying to protect himself from getting hurt, and his hands retreat into his pockets and he shrugs coldly. “i don’t know what to tell you… we were casual, sweetheart.” a beat passes. you look at him through hazy eyes, with heartbreak, confusion, a sense of betrayal and vitriolic rage. “c-casual? were we ‘casual’ when you were knee deep in the fucking passenger seat, and you were eating me out?? mumbling shit about ‘i can’t wait to keep doing this for the rest of my life?’ or were we casual when we had been dating for two weeks and your mom invited me to her house in long beach for the day? for fuck’s sake, you said you loved me while we were having sex!”

every word feels like a dagger to his heart, because he knows he can’t keep justifying his behaviour to himself. still, he keeps the act up. asks you, “why are you so bitter?” you are genuinely floored… was everything a lie? “you fucked me in the bathroom when we went to dinner while your parents were at the fucking table! …and you wonder why i’m bitter?! you said… you could never see yourself with another girl, and here you are, shoving your tongue down some blonde’s throat a month later. fuck you, patrick zweig.”

he doesn’t know what to do anymore. he needs you back. he can’t breathe when you’re not around.

(maybe that’s why that other girl’s mouth was on his… she was just giving him mouth to mouth CPR!! 😍😝)

ps: i did not proofread this, i’m rawdogging it… i hope it slays xx

oh girl ... patrick kissing a hundred girls in bars ... speak on it!!!

i feel like he's such a douche that he would decide to try and apologize in the cheesiest way possible. literally googles "movie apologies" to get ideas. picks a day when it's supposed to rain, buys your favorite flowers and the most overpriced chocolate he can find. and then he's at your door, like a kicked puppy, soaked to the bone and holding a bouquet of carnations in one hand, a package of fannie may mint meltaways in the other.

i'm sorry, he says. i was an asshole, i was wrong. i should've never broken it off with you, i was scared and a coward. i don't deserve a second chance, he tells you. and then he asks for one anyways.

and maybe it's the rain, but you let him in. you let him press you up against the wall, soggy and water-logged, dripping all over the hardwood floor of your apartment. fuck, that's gonna come out of your security deposit. but when he's kissing you like this, like he needs you more than anything else, like he's missed you with his heart and soul ... you can't bring yourself to give a fuck about that $200.

he fucks you slow and sweet that night. missionary, which is rare for patrick. he tells you i wanna see you, baby, missed you so much. missed your lips, your body, your perfect fuckin' tits. god, you're so wet. missed this little pussy, pulling me in like y'r made for me, god -

you fall asleep wondering if he'll leave before morning. he falls asleep wondering the same.

[thelioncourts]

i didn’t watch the show until just before s2 started, but post-s2 offseason has been rough. was it like this after s1? between fandom racism, other unpleasantness and general media illiteracy, very little production news, the long wait, doomposting, amc’s strategies (whether race is actively a factor for them, i can’t say, but like, it should be? as in, they should care about the optics of sam being the sole cast representative at these events, because intentional or not, i don’t like the ideas they’re reinforcing by only promoting their white actor), and probably a bunch of stuff i’m forgetting, it’s just been kind of sad to watch. and i have other interests and fandoms keeping me busy, but i just love iwtv so bad and it all feels a bit bleak right now lol. plus seeing so many shows like hotd going into production, industry getting casting news etc like that should be us 🥲 i just hope it’ll all be worth it

the s1-s2 timeframe was really odd because 1) season 1 ends on such a cliffhanger for nonbook fans that there was a whole lot of digging into 'Who is Armand?' by fandom, old and new, as we prepared for the Parisian parts of IwtV and 2) they started filming wayyyyyyy sooner for S2 than they have for S3 in comparison to the end of S1/end of S2

Season 1 filmed from November 2021-April 2022 and no one was really following it closely and we never actually saw the cast interact at all until SDCC 2022 in July. Then the show aired from ~September/October (because at the end of September they posted the first episode early on AMC+) - November 2022 and S2 filming actually picked up in April 2023. The issue with S2 was they filmed from April 2023-July 2023 and that's when the strike happened and production stopped until IwtV got special permission to film again and they finished filming S2 in December 2023.

And I think, for me, that's the thing that seems particularly insane: that they haven't actually filmed as Louis, as Armand, as Claudia, (and there have been Lestat and Daniel filming, weirdly enough, but minimal minimal things) since December 2023.......like that's wild. But yeah, we are 11 months - today - since the S2 premiere in NYC, like it's insane that they're not filming, and I know I know I know there are a million things going into it and I do understand it to a point, but that doesn't mean it's not insane.

but there were absolutely awful aspects of the time between S1 and S2. S1 ending in Lestat's death had some people talking for months on end how wrong Louis and/or Claudia were, there was absolutely a ton of people still denying that 105 actually happened and you would get jumped if you said it made sense that Lestat did that/that he was abusive, there were ship wars already starting between loumanders and loustaters because there was a lot of thought loumand would be morally better and loustat people either denying louis and armand could ever love each other/did love each other or being angry at louis for being with armand in general, we found out about bailey not returning as claudia exactly two years ago today actually and that had some doomposting going on for sureeeeee, there was a weird gatekeepy group of fans that went to the prague set repeatedly and acted like anything about it was super top secret and some hid outside of dressing rooms and stuff, like it was still a mess. believe me. but the time is what's really killing us, paired with the shift from louis narration to lestat narration......or just alongside how awful everyone seems to be and there are so many more people now than there were

if it means anything, I've definitely taken a step back on twitter and when I do find myself a little doom-feeling, I genuinely either talk to someone who I know I can actually talk with or I just force myself to look at things at face value. there is so much potential and we've had two beautiful seasons. I think it will be worth it. if I have to eat those words later, well, I'll do it later. but right now I'm being optimistic about it because I do think it's going to be good. and I think we'll be blown away by loustat and the performances jacob and sam give, and I think the modern day is going to be the biggest setting component of S3 and that excites me very much.

[lamuradex]

Novella November: Day 7

@novella-november One Week Update!

A week already. And yet it feels like it should be longer.

Anyway, wordcount.

My Current Wordcount: 15,882

Alright, that's more than I expected. I've only just realised I've passed the half way point. I'll say, the TrackBear leaderboard is acting as quite the motivator. That line graph. I'm getting a little competitive.

Whatever, I'm enjoying myself. And it's a good distraction from certain world politics going on... More importantly, this is just a story I've wanted to write for ages, Ninth Realm, and I love having a good excuse to write with a challenge like this!

AND, as I did back in September for 40K in 42 Days, I'm gonna start posting large-ish snippets of what I've been writing with each update.

So, snippet time.

This snippet is an early pivotal moment in the story, where Angela is finally given a voice... literally. She's been mute up until now and has had some trouble communicating, with only a vague grasp of sign language and some written words.

Snippet below the cut!

Elsewhere in the building, Angela, as was now her name, was sat in a cell. The door was open, unlocked, and the bed given fresh linens. It honestly was just a barely decorated bedroom with a solid door and a camera in the corner. One of them, Hunter, had promised to switch the camera off.

She sat back on the bed, alone with her thoughts. She often was. Unable to speak, socialising was a rarity. But these seemed like good people, the friendly Pheobe, her nervous looking paramour, big kind Hunter, stern Mike, the man Reggie who she hadn’t really met yet… and then that pleasant doctor. Simon. Polite and caring. It was a long time since someone had properly cared. She wasn’t even sure how long.

Her dour thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. It waited, clearly expecting a response, but Angela didn’t have a method of answering. The visitor eventually worked this out, and opened the door, Pheobe popping her head in.

“Hi. Sorry, forgot you couldn’t answer. How are you settling in?”

Angela gave a thumbs up. There was nothing to complain about, really.

“Cool. I just wanted to come down and check on you. Also, I thought I’d bring you some clothes.” She produced a pile from behind her back. “Those bandages look a little chilly, you know? I’ve got nothing again the au naturel look, but I thought you’d like the option. Just some of Jess’s old things that she never wears. She prefers to make a statement with her clothes, as you likely saw. I think she’s also a bit bigger than you, so you might need a belt, but it’ll do for now. So… enjoy.” She put down the clothes and stepped back.

Angela accepted them with a genuine smile. She had no trouble with the au naturel look either, but now that she mentioned it, it was a little cold in here. And she did generally prefer to wear clothes.

“Also… there was something else,” Pheobe said a little more hesitantly. “I don’t know if this is stupid or not, but I made you something.”

Angela curved an eyebrow curiously. Pheobe produced something from a pocket, a small device on a strap.

“I know you can sign and everything, but I’m not a great translator. Simon taught me some last year, but most if it’s fallen right back out of my brain. But I saw the way you communicated using my phone, and Simon said you did the same with his tablet. Something to do with you… emitting emotions, like how I felt yours. So, I just thought…”

She handed the device over, which Angela took carefully.

“It’s basically just a speaker attached to a small computer. Repurposed an old phone with text to speech. I can’t guarantee it’s perfect, but it should work, and it might mean you can communicate without us looking at you or over a radio. And that’ll make Mike happy, if we’re working with you for the time being.”

Angela held up the little device. It was as described, just a little speaker grill on a box on a strap. She tested the strap for its strength.

“I was thinking you could put in on an arm or-”

Angela placed the strip across her neck, laying the box across the front of her throat.

“Or wear it as a choker. That’s cool too. It’s like a voice box!” she realised.

Angela clasped it at the back, and swallowed to make sure it wasn’t in the way. She nodded once it was comfortable.

“It should be able to communicate just like the phone.”

Angela sat straight, focused, and tried to focus her thoughts. To speak without moving her lips. To speak with-

“BZzztt… SPEAK WITHOUT-” the device blurted. Angela stopped. “I CAN… I can speak,” she said through the box, concentrating and lowering the volume. The voice was flat and monotonous, and just vaguely female, but it was a voice. She concentrated again. “I can speak,” she repeated, trying to fluctuate the tone. It barely shifted.

“There you go!” Pheobe said excitedly. “That doesn’t, like, hurt or anything?”

“It’s a little DIFFICULT,” the box suddenly yelled. Angela pulled her new voice back. “It takes effort. But thank you.” She said in her new flat monotone.

Pheobe was beaming. “It’s no trouble.”

“Thank you, Phay-o-be.” She paused, hearing the wrong sound come out. “Phay-o… Phay-o…”

“Maybe I can tweak it a little. Tighten up the text to speech.”

“Phay… Phee… Phee-Be… Pheobe. Thank you, Pheobe,” she said finally, genuinely aglow with gratitude, even if her new voice didn’t show it. “This is wonderful.”

“Seriously, it’s no trouble. I’ll leave you to work out how to use it. See you in the morning, Angela.”

“GoodNIGHT Pheobe,” Angela returned, managing regain control of her volume.

“See you in the morning,” Pheobe repeated, and headed back upstairs.

Angela sat on her bed, cross legged, thinking of all the words she could say. She picked out some that seemed the most important.

“Hello. My name is Angela. What is your name?”

And into the night, she continued to practice with her new gift.

[brotha-lamp]

I know it’s stupid but.

I’m sitting here crying because someone was so kind to me in this past year that I was able to get some really important dental work done, and a fake tooth flipper thing to help support the whole tooth alignment and look nice or whatever. And now it’s many months later and the follow up dental work I needed in November has been on hold because

1. I had a pet emergency that meant I had to cancel that appointment.

2. I went into massive debt so we could survive the winter and couldn’t afford more debt just to get fillings.

3. Between the weather and the fact that they just decided not to plow my road for half the winter I have not been able to travel safely to town, never mind 2 1/2 hours away.

4. Covid is extremely rampant here, no one is masked anywhere but especially in dental and medical settings, and the last booster didn’t seem to do shit for my immunocompromised ass. I can’t actually go to the dentist without genuinely risking my life.

So now the rest of my teeth are starting to get bad, and the really nice flipper that holds my teeth aligned and makes it so I can smile without feeling ashamed was a complete waste of time and money because other teeth in that area will probably need to be pulled out at this point. And I just… I don’t know how to apologize to the person who helped me. I wasted their money. I didn’t mean to, and I fully intended to complete the rest of the dental work I needed. But everything went wrong. Really wrong. And now I will have to wait until it’s so bad it could kill me to risk my life to have them all pulled out. While building up more debt because I can’t even afford to have them taken out. And I won’t be able to chew anymore at all. And… I just don’t know how to apologize for this.

[jalshristovski]

Hello

It’s been a while since I’ve posted any thoughts but I think I should start doing it more

I’ll start off explaining a little bit about myself. I’m from the USA, born and raised in southeastern Michigan. I grew up in a mixed family, my dad’s family being very cultural from Poland, Macedonia, and Turkey raising me with traditions, foods, holidays, and even some dances (though I’m very bad at them). My mother’s family are from Tennessee and haven’t retained any ancestral culture, but come from the far western Appalachian region and have raised me up with that culture

If I’m asked about my gender, I will generally say non-binary to keep it easy but genuinely I’m not sure. I identify as a lesbian for ease, but generally I just don’t have feelings for cis men, but I do have my partner who I very much intend to spend the rest of my life with

Throughout my childhood, I had dreams of being a zoologist, a marine biologist, a meteorologist, and an astronomer, but now I take my studies in political science and want to continue my studies in Eastern European history and culture, as well as medieval Norse and Viking studies. Possibly journalism, but we’ll see about that. I attend university at the University of Warsaw, but have had to return to the US due to poor health

My dream for my life has for a long time been to settle somewhere with my partner in a place we love, and being able to help people in one way or another. As a kid I was very into conservation and wanting to protect the earth, as well as push humanity forward, and I still am, but in a different way

Since November, it’s been hard for me to imagine this life.

Our new president has already taken so many steps, hellbent on destroying not only our country but the entire world, and it’s hard for me to even think it’s possible. I’m only turning 22 this year, and haven’t finished my education. It’s easy to feel hopeless. Especially when thousands of park rangers and conservation officers have just been laid off, our national parks are being privatised, they are going to “drill, baby, drill”, which is going to kill our world.

Everything he’s done is bad. Everything he’s done is destroying the lives of so many people, but the thing that gets me the most is the danger he and his party are to the world

People say “just wait four years” and “this has happened before” but nobody has ever been such a big threat to our planet. Scientists have been telling us that climate change will be irreversible by 2030 if we go at the rate we are going, and he will be in office until 2029. He’s already pushed us back very far

All I wanted from my life was to help, but what can we even do?

But, I’m not here because I want to be down in the dumps or make anyone else feel hopeless. Because I know, even as horrible as things seem, we have a chance. It’s not yet over, and we’re not done

I’ve spent many a night feeling hopeless, crying over the state of the world. I watch the war in Ukraine, the occupation of Palestine, the protests in Serbia, how Syria got its freedom only for it to be taken away again, I watch as Afghan women lose more of their rights day by day, and many more situations worldwide. In my country I watch as people are being profiled and deported en masse, and our rights as LGBTQ+ people are being stripped from us

But I also watch as other countries take notice of our situation, and the situations of all of these countries as well. I watch protests worldwide not only for us but for others as well. I watch as strikes happen, and people do all they can to defend others. I’m watching people read more and more books about history and politics and the world, and encourage others to do the same. I watch as we boycott larger businesses in favour of small business even with the growing prices especially here in the US, and I watch as so many people become more aware of the state of the world

But we also can’t sit and just keep watching other people do things for us. I don’t want to feel hopeless anymore when amidst the bad there is so much good happening, and I need to remember to recognise that more. Because the more hopeless we are, the more power they have

Thank you for reading if you have read this far, I’m just speaking about things I’ve thought about, if anyone has any resources to share I’d love to boost them. They can be for anything

[qnewsau]

Rhys Nicholson isn't 'the new Michelle' on Drag Race Down Under

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/rhys-nicholson-isnt-the-new-michelle-on-drag-race-down-under/

Rhys Nicholson isn't 'the new Michelle' on Drag Race Down Under

Rhys Nicholson says there will be queens judging queens on season 4 of Drag Race Down Under, and the comedian is not the “the new Michelle” after RuPaul’s exit as host.

The lineup for Drag Race Down Under season four finally dropped earlier in the week. Season four premieres in Australia on Stan on Friday, November 1.

The latest cast of Down Under queens gathered for a drag brunch at The Imperial in Erskineville, Sydney, to celebrate this year’s 30th anniversary of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

This week, Rhys Nicholson went on UK vs the World winner Tia Kofi’s podcast The Final FronTia this week and the pair spilled a whole lot of behind-the-scenes tea about Drag Race.

“I’m in the same seat [in season four]. I thought about [taking Michelle’s], and we talked about it,” Rhys explained.

“We have a rotating series of winning queens in the Michelle seat.”

Rhys shut down any talk that they’re the “New Michelle” in the new season.

“People have said to me, ‘you’re the new Michelle’. No, I’m never going to be the person to read these queens,” they said.

“If you watch me as a judge, I will never, ever read a look. I’ll never go into specifics because I don’t feel that’s my job.

“That’s what the fashion judges are for. I’m there to be like, ‘this performance wasn’t 100% genuine, I don’t think.’

“I’m never going to read someone on an eye or something. There’s been a couple of times I’ve tried to… I’ll just watch Michelle be like, ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’ No, I don’t.

“I feel like I’m a conduit for the audience. I feel like Michelle and Ru and our guests, they’re the judges.”

Rhys Nicholson loves the Drag Race Down Under season four lineup

Rhys Nicholson said as a diehard drag fan, when some of their friends join Drag Race Down Under it was a “very odd” experience.

“In the first season, I’d worked with people like Karen from Finance and Art Simone quite a few times,” Rhys said.

“Also in some situations, I’d been really drunk with [them]. Suddenly, I’m sitting at a desk like, ‘Hello, let’s not talk about how many times you’ve seen me throw up.'”

The comedian said when drag queens they know suddenly can’t do gigs, they can’t talk about it but “it’s clear we’re both going to the same place”.

“I’m not saying this in a pluggy way, but genuinely there are some girls [in season four] that I’ve wanted to be on for a long time,” Rhys said.

“It’s not like I get any say. I turn up for the first episode and they give me a little folder. It’s always fun to find out who’s on the show.

‘The long hours and days of TV’

Rhys and Tia discussed their behind-the-scenes experiences of filming their respective seasons of Drag Race.

Rhys explained, “It must be really scary. Queens are pulled out of a club scene, performing at midnight, and then put on a TV show.

“Suddenly you’re doing the long hours and long days of a TV record. You suddenly have to be hyper-professional in an industry you haven’t worked in until just now.

“Usually after the show, whoever the [top queens] are, we’ll get them each a bottle of something. It’s not that it’s anticlimactic, but [after the final episode] there’s no parade planned for you or anything.

“You don’t know what’s going to happen until it’s on TV. It’s just three or four drag queens getting out of makeup quietly and packing up their things. Then you have to wait a year.

“In the last few seasons, I’ve gotten the girls each a bottle of champagne. We’ll have a drink and I let them decompress as their phones are given back to them.”

The special guests on Drag Race Down Under season four will be confirmed soon. The new season starts streaming on November 1 in Australia on Stan.

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

[jikookiekosmos]

Seneschal || jjk (Part 1)

➥Pairing: vampire!jungkook/reader, former prince!jungkook/reader

➥Summary: Having been burned by the rest of the world, Jungkook was content to watch it go up in flames. Or, at least, he was until you gave him hope for something new. As plans are set in motion to unite your rival kingdoms, unforeseen circumstances arise. In the midst of the chaos, Jungkook is sure of one thing: he’d be damned if he let you get burned, too.

➥Genre: strangers to lovers, angst, slow burn, (eventual) fluff, (eventual) smut, royalty au, supernatural au

➥Rating: 18+

➥Words: ~6k

➥Content Warnings: a bit of angst, no smut in the first part but there is a little bit of nudity mentioned, blood and violence are mentioned, vampire lore(?), swearing, this is more of an intro chapter than anything else so there isn’t a whole lot that happens

A/N: so uh…it’s been a while, yeah? I haven’t updated any of my BTS fics on this blog in over a year due to a lot of life things (you can read here if you’re curious as to why), but I finally had a little time to sit down and dedicate to this idea I teased back in November 2021. As mentioned in the content warnings, this is more of an intro chapter so there isn’t a whole lot going on…definitely will be more happening later.

Anyways all that to say thank you to everyone who has supported/is still supporting me and my writing even during my hiatus. It means the absolute world to me 💜

(Also special shout-out to @dntaewithluv for listening to me ramble off idea about this for a literal year, I love you so much and appreciate you immensely ❤️)

seneschal [sen-uh-shuhl] (noun) an officer having full charge of domestic arrangements, ceremonies, the administration of justice, etc., in the household of a medieval prince or dignitary; steward.

Otherwise known as Jungkook’s consolation prize when he was coerced to step down from the throne.

It had been 2 years since the…incident occurred, but Jungkook could still remember it as if it had just happened.

Which is exactly what he was reflecting on as a vial was being thrust into his vision.

He blinked rapidly a few times before staring up at the person holding the vial out for him, their face a mixture of excitement and mild impatience.

“Well? We don’t have all day. Drink up, Jeon.”

Jungkook glared.

“My apologies, please drink the potion, Mr. Jeon.”

“Jimin, you know how I feel about you and formalities-”

“It just so happens that my manners come out more as my patience grows thin.” Jimin teased. “So,” he tried once more, “drink it.”

Jungkook sighed and shook his head, knowing it was better to leave well enough alone.

“Are you sure this is safe,” Jungkook asked as he stared hesitantly at the vial filled with blue liquid just inches away from his face.

Jimin rolled his eyes before grabbing Jungkook’s hand and closing it around the vial. “Yes, for the billionth time I wouldn’t give you something I thought might harm you.” He took a step back and crossed him arms, waiting patiently for Jungkook to do something.

With a sigh Jungkook carefully brought the vial to his lips, swallowing the liquid without putting too much thought into it. The taste was bitter, but not wholly unpleasant, and a few more moments passed before either of them spoke.

“And the verdict is?” The genuine curiosity in Jimin’s voice was something Jungkook had always found to be endearing.

Jungkook chuckled. Jimin may have still been a wizard in training, but he always had Jungkook’s best interest at heart.

“How am I supposed to know if anything happened? You tell me.”

Jimin blinked before the realization set in. “Oh, right.” He stepped forward once more, peering into Jungkook’s eyes as best he could in the dim lighting of the room.

Jungkook already knew the results before Jimin could confirm them. The way his face dropped said it all.

“They’re still red. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’m following all the rules-”

“Jimin.”

“Maybe the spellbook is outdated, you know? This is the only one I’ve ever seen anyone else use, it must be centuries old at this point-”

“Jimin,” Jungkook stated more firmly this time, clapping his hand on the other’s shoulder to keep him from pacing around more. “It’s fine.”

Jimin groaned. “But it’s not fine, what kind of a supposed ‘wizard’ am I if I can’t even do a simple eye color changing spell.”

“You’re one that’s trying and that’s what matters.”

“Yeah, but,” Jimin broke off, pout prominent on his face. “you shouldn’t have to wear contacts all the time.”

Jungkook offered a gentle smile to his downtrodden friend. “There’s lots of things I shouldn’t have to do, but I do them anyway. It’s only a slight inconvenience, not a big deal.”

Jimin didn’t seem convinced. “I don’t know why you need to wear them in the first place, does it really matter if people see-”

“Yes,” Jungkook cut him off with a tone of finality. “We’ve been over this. It’s best for everyone if they don’t figure it out.”

“So you’re honestly fine with everyone thinking you did something horrible enough to make you step down from the throne? You’re ok with letting people drag your name through the mud constantly?”

Jungkook shrugged. “It’s just better this way.”

Jungkook could swear he heard Jimin growl. “It’s not right and you know it. You’re just too set in your ways about not wanting to bring dishonor on your family. Which, by the way, not sure if you noticed but they aren’t the most honorable people.”

“Don’t.” Another statement with a stern tone. This time, Jimin obeyed.

Jungkook ran a hand through his hair, letting the dark curls fall at their own leisure. “I need to get going or I’ll be late.”

If he left now he had just enough time to stop by his room and grab his contacts he’d left behind on his way to see Jimin, as per Jimin’s request.

“I’ve got it all figured out, so you won’t even need them this time!” Jimin had promised.

Jungkook had hope that one of these days Jimin would be victorious in all of his spellcasting endeavors, and he’d be there to support him the whole way through.

Right now, however, he had bigger matters to attend to.

On his way back to his chambers he saw Seokjin, who he figured was en route to go check on Jimin, seeing as he was the appointed court wizard and Jimin was his apprentice.

Jungkook nodded at him as they passed by each other, but Seokjin calling out for him had him turning around.

“Yes?”

It was then that Jungkook could see just how tired Seokjin looked. “Lord Jeon requests your presence before your meeting with the king.”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “Did he now? He bother to tell you what it was about?”

Seokjin shook his head, brows somewhat furrowed. Jungkook sensed that he seemed tense overall, and Jungkook didn’t like it.

“He didn’t. He just said it was important and had to be done as soon as possible.”

With a deep sigh, Jungkook relented, mumbling a thank you to Seokjin as he changed the direction he was walking. His brother’s chambers were located in a completely different wing of the castle, but he still had enough time to stop by his own room afterwards if he played his cards right.

He could hear the noises before he even approached the door, faint enough to go unnoticed by other passerby, but due to his heightened senses he had the unfortunate luck of not being able to remain oblivious. Jungkook knocked on the door despite the urge to just barge in; protocol was a big thing here and it was best for him to keep that in mind.

When he got no answer, he knocked once more before he squared his shoulders and turned the knob to open the door.

Without waiting for a greeting, he walked in, fully prepared for what he might find, seeing as it’d happened before.

Sure enough, the sight he was met with was exactly what he expected.

“Ah, so you finally came,” a snarky voice called out to him, slightly muffled. Jungkook rolled his eyes as he waited for the other party to get situated.

“What do you want, Yoongi?”

The blonde man in the bed not far from Jungkook smiled as the sheets fell around his waist. The woman next to him had even less shame, not bothering to cover her naked torso.

It wasn’t like Jungkook had never seen it before, anyway-

“Now is that anyway to address your superior?”

Jungkook gritted his teeth. “It is when my ‘superior’ is my younger brother.”

Yoongi tutted disapprovingly. “If you recall, you’re still only 24 years old-”

“Yoongi.”

“Which makes me the older brother now since I just turned 25.” he flashed a grin and the woman beside him snuggled up to his arm, still not completely covering her breasts. Jungkook looked away.

“So,” Yoongi continued, “you care to try that again?”

“I don’t, thanks. What do you want?”

Yoongi huffed, clearly unamused. “What I want is for you to tell our father what my requests are for the event we’re holding.”

This intrigued Jungkook enough to turn his sights back to his brother. “You’re not attending?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Yoongi feigned remorse. “I have more important matters to attend to.”

Jungkook watched in disgust as Yoongi grabbed a hold of the woman’s chin to turn her face so that he could kiss her. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

“So you’re not coming then?”

“Oh he’s not, but he will be,” the woman ran her hand up Yoongi’s arm. Long, teal hair covered her shoulders, reminding Jungkook of when it was first dyed. He’d been there with her after all, so of course he’d remember it.

She giggled at her own joke while Yoongi laughed boisterously, 2 sounds Jungkook wished he’d never have to hear again.

He’d never been that lucky.

“I don’t have time for this,” was his only remark before he turned on his heel to exit the room.

Jungkook ignored Yoongi’s calls for him to come back, instead taking longer than necessary strides to put as much room between him and his brother as possible.

A low growl died in his throat as he pulled on the edge of his chain dangling from his neck. It looked like an ordinary chain necklace to the untrained eye, but it was long enough to where the end of it could fit in Jungkook’s pocket. From his neck, the rest of the chain disappeared beneath his shirt, covering the length of his chest.

It was a safety measure more than anything, something Seokjin and Jimin had helped him come up with following the ‘incident.’

⊱─────✧༺✧༻✧─────⊰

“Silver has been known to cause excruciating pain to vampires,” Seokjin had explained, “but this is a special chain, charmed with a spell that dulls that effect.”

“It doesn’t get rid of it completely?” Jimin’s confusion was evident alongside his concern for his friend.

Seokjin shook his head. “It won’t, only because that was Jungkook’s request.”

Jimin’s worried stare shifted to Jungkook, who was sitting on one of the tables in Seokjin’s chambers. His shirt was shredded, and his chest was stained scarlet: souvenirs of his most recent outing.

He went out to feed, traveling several towns over, and ended up failing miserably. Jungkook maybe got a few seconds of satisfaction before he was being ripped away from his willing victim and promptly beaten by 3 other men.

He absolutely could’ve taken them, but he was already ashamed of what he was doing in the first place. He figured that this was punishment that he had coming in one way or another.

That night when he stumbled into Seokjin’s room, bloodied and defeated, they put together a plan straight away.

Jimin asked to sit in and observe, since he was still unfamiliar with certain spells, but he missed that part of the conversation when he was fetching supplies.

“I don’t understand, why do you want the chain to still be able to cause pain?”

Jungkook sighed, wrapping part of it around his fist and noticing instantly the slight burn the metal singed his skin with. “Because the pain will hopefully be enough to stop me.”

“Stop you from doing what?”

Jungkook slowly raised his eyes to look at Jimin, a small, sorrowful smile stretched across his face.

“Something I regret.”

⊱─────✧༺✧༻✧─────⊰

The familiar sting of the chain branded the inside of his palm with invisible marks, and he kept it curled inside his hand until he was in front of his own chamber doors. He was really pushing time now, close to being late for his advisory meeting, but he’d risk a slight delay in the start of the meeting versus having to explain why his eyes were crimson colored.

Once he had his contacts fixed, he all but jogged to the large meeting room down the hall. A few guards and his father were already there, waiting on him as it seemed he was the last to show up.

“You’re late,” the king greeted, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

Jungkook was used to that by now.

“Sorry, Your Majesty, I had to run a few errands first. Shall we start?”

The king cleared his throat and nodded, holding out his hand to the guard nearest him. A scroll was placed into his large palm before he quickly unraveled it.

Jungkook watched his eyes flit across the parchment, and when he deemed it satisfactory, the king handed it back to the guard so he could pass it down to Jungkook.

“You’ll find the agenda there for tomorrow’s event. I’m entrusting you, as usual, with all the planning so you can make sure everything is taken care of.”

Jungkook hummed as he read through everything. It all looked to be in order: designated time for the other guests to arrive, instructions for what catering needed to be prepared, an outline of what was required for Yoongi’s meeting with the princess-

Jungkook read that line again. And another time. He ground his teeth together as he looked back up at the king whose eyebrow was raised as he waited.

“Well? Is something the matter? You look perturbed.”

“Father-”

“This is an official meeting, boy. No informal titles allowed.”

Jungkook’s jaw was clenched. “Your Majesty,” he tried again, “what is this last portion here about a meeting with a princess?”

“Ah yes, that.” The nonchalant answer made Jungkook’s anger rise even further. “The meeting between their princess and our prince is what will be the defining moment for the entire event.”

Jungkook had known there was some sort of event happening that was supposed to – hopefully – demolish the rivalry between the two neighboring kingdoms. There had been bad blood for far too long, and it sometimes made it difficult to retrieve supplies from other areas without conflict arising.

Jungkook had been tasked with planning everything for the guests arrival, as his job required him to do. Despite being kicked from the royal lineage, he was allowed to stay a part of the royal court and act as a steward of sorts. It wasn’t always the best, but he figured it beat being exiled from the kingdom entirely.

He worked tirelessly over the last several months to ensure that all boxes were checked for this gathering. But this new information blindsided him, and now it suddenly made sense why his father and Yoongi both seemed so cocky and sure that this would work.

“And no one thought it pertinent enough to tell me that this would be happening?”

Of all things he could’ve done in that moment, the king had the audacity to shrug. “You won’t be present for that bit of it, so we didn’t feel it was necessary to tell you.”

“Then why isn’t Yoongi here for this instead of me,” Jungkook tried to keep his tone respectful, but even he couldn’t stop some of the malice from slipping through.

“The prince” the king put heavy emphasis on the title, “is busy carrying out other affairs, so it didn’t seem important to bother him with this.”

“Yeah, affair is certainly one way to put it,” he mumbled, crossing his arms as he looked to the side.

“I beg your pardon?”

 Jungkook exhaled through his nose. “Nothing, Your Majesty.”

The king stared at Jungkook for a few more moments before he dismissed the other guards in the room.

“Gentleman, if you’d kindly take your leave for a moment – I need to have a discussion with my son. Two of you may remain posted at the door in case you’re needed.”

The guards obeyed quickly, bowing as they exited.

Jungkook scoffed. “So now I’m your ‘son?’ I’m surprised that word still exists in your vocabulary where I’m concerned.”

“Jungkook, be quiet!” The king raised his voice as a warning and slammed his fist against the table, stopping Jungkook’s jabs in their tracks.

“Regardless of your faults and any heinous acts you may have committed, you are still my son. Whether I like it or not.”

Jungkook hated how those words caused a dull ache in his chest.

“And because you are my son, that is why you are still allowed to be here in the first place. Do you ever think about how easy it would’ve been to toss you on the street like some mere commoner,” the king spat, his own outward frustration mirroring what Jungkook felt on the inside.

“You only tell me every chance you get, how could I not?”

“Watch your tone with me, boy. I am not above throwing you in the dungeon for insubordination.”

Jungkook was well aware. At this rate, he had his own personal cell with how often his father (and more so his brother) felt the need to send him there.

“Can we go back to what this ‘meeting’ is supposed to entail? Why is their princess involved?”

The king squared his shoulders and smiled. “They’ve offered a marriage proposal.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry, a what?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. The king’s eldest daughter, Princess Mina, is being offered as a marriage candidate for Prince Yoongi.”

“And Yoongi agreed to this?”

The king frowned at Jungkook’s continued lack of formality before he nodded. “He’s been preparing for it for a while now.”

Jungkook clenched his fist under the table.

“Fucking unbelievable,” Jungkook muttered, a few seconds from leaving the meeting altogether in order to give the prince a piece of his mind.

“Language,” the king reminded him sternly.

“Look, fa- Your Majesty. With all due respect to you, I think this is a terrible idea.”

“Please do enlighten me as to why you feel that way.”

Jungkook sighed as he rubbed his temples. “Arranged marriages amongst royals never seem to work out well from what I’ve seen. Arranged marriages amongst anyone just seems like a poor idea.”

“Your mother and I married as part of an arrangement, and we turned out fine.”

Jungkook would beg to differ, but that was an entirely different conversation for some other time.

“I just think it’s odd that he would accept this proposal when he’s already involved with someone else.”

Finally, it was the king’s turn to look taken aback. “Whatever do you mean?”

‘He doesn’t know,’ Jungkook realized.

“Don’t worry about it, I just assumed he already had someone in mind is all.”

“Unlike you, the prince seems to be able to keep his mind off of finding love amongst the common rabble outside the castle walls.”

Jungkook winced.

“Additionally, if he did already have someone in mind, I’m sure I would’ve heard about it by now.”

“You know better than I would,” Jungkook lied. He knew that Yoongi kept many, many secrets from their parents, which is why he’d always been the favorite. They never got a glimpse of his true nature, but unfortunately for Jungkook, he got to see all of it.

“Indeed,” the king said with finality, marking the end of that conversation. “Now, back to the preparations for the event-”

“I’ll handle it,” Jungkook sounded much more deflated than when he entered the room. Animosity exhausted him.

“Good. I expect nothing less of you. I don’t expect much from you to start with, but I at least anticipate you will do your job.”

Another mindless insult. Jungkook stopped keeping count of how many times his father shamed him years ago after the scandal first broke.

If anyone asked him, he’d even go so far as to say his father’s love for him died the same day his human life ended.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, the queen and I have other matters to attend to before tomorrow.” The king got up from the table and walked off, not even bothering to see if Jungkook would also make way to leave. Before he exited through the door, he turned back one last time to look at Jungkook.

“Don’t make me regret letting you stay here. This is the most important thing the kingdom has faced since you were a child, and if you mess it up somehow, being exiled will be the least of your worries.”

Jungkook received the threat with a solemn stare, no more words spoken as he was then left alone in the large room.

On the way back to his chambers, Jungkook had a lapse in judgment. He turned and let his feet carry him to his new destination, landing three hard knocks on the door before it opened quickly.

“What?” An annoyed tone filtered through the open doorway. “Oh – it’s just you.”

Yoongi’s hair was less disheveled than it had been earlier, but it was clear he was now trying to get himself ready for later activities in the day.

“What do you want?” Yoongi crossed his arms as he leaned against the doorframe, not allowing Jungkook any space to enter the room.

Not that he really wanted to, anyway. He just needed to know one thing.

“Does she know?”

Yoongi blinked in confusion. “Does who know about what? You gotta be more specific, I can’t read your mind-”

“Does she know,” Jungkook interrupted, more sternly this time. “What’s happening tomorrow. Does she know?”

He had to ask. As much as he loathed her now, he still thought she deserved better than to be cheated on and discarded like she was nothing.

Even if that’s exactly what she’d done to him.

Jungkook watched as Yoongi’s eyes sparked with amusement when he finally understood. “Aeris? Yeah, she knows. She actually just left by the way; sorry you didn’t get to see her again.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed.

 “So she knows and she’s fine with it?”

“Yeah, I mean – she gets it a ‘thing’ I have to do. It’s completely transactional and I’m only doing it for the betterment of the kingdom.”

Yoongi was lying through his teeth and Jungkook wanted to wipe his smug grin off his face. His entire life Yoongi had been selfish and only looked out for himself, so this idea that he was doing it to help the people living in the kingdom?

Absolutely preposterous.

Jungkook needed a fucking break. He needed to get away, clear his head before he had to come back and deal with everything else tomorrow.

He walked off without another word, something he knew Yoongi hated – which is most of the reason why he’d done it.

“You know,” Yoongi shouted after him, “I think bitterness suits you. It’s a good look since it matches the rest of your miserable demeanor!”

Jungkook ignored him and continued walking, not stopping until he reached his favorite spot in the entire castle.

He would often come up to the highest balcony, somewhere he could be alone with his thoughts and not have the added stress of other’s opinions for a short while.

The balcony was all but abandoned as he was the only one to frequent it. The only crime he’d ever say he committed was stealing the key to the door that granted access up here. After a while, everyone else forgot about it, so he was able to keep this spot hidden. A place of his own, where he didn’t have to worry about being found.

A place of his own where his thoughts could run wild. A place of his own where his demons continued to follow him despite his best efforts.

A place of his own where he could just be alone.

After all, that’s what was best for everyone, right?

Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder, as he’d done many times before, what his life would be like now if he hadn’t been attacked. His entire life – as a prince, as an official royal family member, as a living, breathing human – was cut short in the blink of an eye. His humanity as he knew it was gone in an instant.

If it hadn’t happened, though, where would he be now? Would it be him getting ready to marry someone for political gain instead of his brother?

He shook his head as he let out a humorless chuckle. He knew he’d fight that decision with everything he had, and for he first time since it had been stripped away from him, he was relieved he wasn’t in that kind of position anymore.

The thought of sharing his life with someone he didn’t truly care about, whether it was for the greater good or not, just didn’t seem right, nor did it seem fair. Not to mention the fact that it didn’t just include him: someone’s else’s life would be affected just as much as his.

It dawned on him then that he was standing here, genuinely putting thought into how he would handle such a situation. He wasn’t some cold, heartless being. He still had the ability to care for others, and that alone gave him some sort of hope.

He looked up at the moon, admiring how the light spilled through the branches of the tree overhead.

“Maybe I still have some humanity left after all.”

lady-in-waiting (noun) a woman of noble birth who serves a female monarch as a member of the royal household.

“Please hold still, Your Highness,” you huffed with thinly veiled frustration as you tried to lace up the corset you were currently working on.

You made a mental note to go shopping later in order to find better dresses for the princess. They still would be ones that were just as extravagant, but hopefully didn’t give you a blood pressure spike to assist with.

“Oh please, what’s with the formal treatment? It’s just us right now, you don’t have to do that, you know.”

“Yes, but,” you tugged once more, finally letting out a sigh of relief when the strings worked how you wanted them to. “With the event happening soon, it’s better for me to get back into the habit.”

Being best friends with the princess granted you some privileges that you were grateful for. When it was just the two of you, you didn’t have to uphold this extra formal, fancy attitude and instead you both got to be much more laid-back. You knew she appreciated it just as much as - if not more than - you, since she was held to a higher standard and scrutinized more heavily.

However, by the kingdom’s definition, you were first and foremost her lady-in-waiting, which ranked above any and all other duties you had in the royal court. Which, unfortunately, meant that at certain times your role took precedence over your friendship, and that was just the way it had to be.

“Ugh, I can’t wait for all this stupid royal relations stuff to be over.”

“Mina-”

She held up a hand. “Let me get it out, then you can scold.”

You waited patiently, fixing the other parts of the dress while she rambled on for the umpteenth time about her dislike for the event happening soon.

“…I mean this is a rival kingdom, we don’t even like them, so why bother. You know?”

“Mhm,” you hummed as you agreed honestly. It did seem like a stretch for your kingdom to try and force relations with one who had been a long-standing rival. The way you saw it, if after all these years and prior failed attempts had yet to work, what made the king think this would be any different?

Of course, there was now the added factor of a new bargaining chip: the king and queen were offering one of their daughters as a potential marriage candidate for the other kingdom’s prince.

Mina, being the oldest princess in line, begrudgingly accepted for the sake of the kingdom.

The plan had been set in motion months prior, but it was all finally happening tomorrow – both you and Mina were on edge, anticipating the worst but hoping for the best.

What was supposed to happen seemed simple enough: the king would accompany the princess on her visit to the other kingdom, escorted heavily by guards and with you at her side, as you always were. She would meet the prince officially for the first time, and both kings would try to strike up some sort of arrangement.

You figured this would actually be more beneficial for them, seeing as their kingdom was still recovering from a huge scandal that happened a few years ago. You remembered it vividly, taking note of how the abruptness of it all never sat right with you.

The eldest prince stepped down from his position as next in line for the throne, following some sort of act that was only described as ‘utterly disgraceful’ and never really elaborated on in the public news.

Before the news broke, the kingdom was well known for its power and influence all over the land, and the downfall from it all landed a huge blow to their standing. It aided your own kingdom in rising above them in their rivalry, but it appeared that now your own monarchs wanted to put everything behind them and unite for…whatever reason.

You tried not to get too deeply involved in the politics. Your duty was to serve Mina, and the royal family as a whole – this didn’t leave you much room to voice your own opinions.

 Mina’s soft calling of your name pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Yes?”

Any frustration you had left from the dress fiasco quickly evaporated when you saw her face. She was biting her lip, and in that moment she looked very meek, small. Very unlike the exuberant, confident young woman you knew.

“I’m scared.”

You sighed at that, pulling her into a hug that she gratefully accepted. This was this first time she had outright said it, but you could tell she was terrified from the moment she was first told about this arrangement months ago.

“I know,” you patted her back. You wanted to tell her everything would be alright, that it would all work out, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Lying to someone to provide them comfort was never something you could get behind, and you didn’t plan to start now.

“I promise you, though, that whatever happens, we’ll get through it together.” You didn’t feel bad saying that because it was the truth; you were ready to face anything when it came to Mina, and you’d do anything for her.

She was basically the most important person in your life, and you’d be damned if you let anything bad happen to her.

Well…anything short of letting her go through with a marriage to a man she’d never met.

Just as your duty to her came first, her duty to her kingdom came first. You knew it and respected it, even if you didn’t always like it.

Mina giggled, her frame shaking slightly in your hold. “It almost sounds like you’re the one I’m supposed to be marrying,” she teased.

You joined in her laughter. “I mean, I don’t think it would yield quite the same results-”

“We both know we’d be arrested before we could even say ‘I do.’” Mina joked, despite her dark attempt at humor having a level of truth to it.

“A princess marrying her lady-in-waiting?” You covered your heart and pretended to be appalled. “Imagine the scandal!”

Mina shoved you lightheartedly, her laughter echoing off the walls. She looked miles happier than she’d been a few minutes prior, and you were relieved to see it.

“C’mon, help me with my hair or we’re gonna be late.” Mina collected her hairbow from her dresser and handed it to you so you could tie up her hair in the back. When you were done, she glanced quickly in the mirror and nodded, pleased with the result.

“Is there anything else you need to do?”

You gave yourself a once-over in the mirror as well and decided that your outfit would have to do. It wasn’t bad by any means, but if you had a little more time, you probably could’ve spruced it up some more.

“All good here. After you, my Lady.” You made a grand gesture out of letting her go first, which earned you another light shove.

“Cut that out! We still have a few minutes of freedom left before we have to be formal.”

You chuckled. “You got it.”

✧───────⊱✧⊰───────✧

You accompanied Mina to her final etiquette training before the big day. Everything she learned was more of a refresher than new material, but her nervousness kept her from doing her best, which led to her being reprimanded by the queen.

“How can you expect to marry someone if you can’t play the part of a prim and proper princess?”

Mina bit her tongue, as she usually did with her mother, and you expected to get an earful from her later about the situation. To your surprise, instead of venting, she was quiet and calm upon returning to her chambers.

Before she was ready to sleep for the night, you checked in one her one last time. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

With a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, she responded. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

✧───────⊱✧⊰───────✧

You had never woken up more stressed out in your entire life.

All your training had culminated in this moment. You were to make sure that the princess arrived safely along with her appointed guards, and it was also up to you to make sure that everything went off without a hitch.

Such a small responsibility, right? What could possibly go wrong?

Well, for starters-

The castle you found yourself in was much larger than you anticipated, which was saying a lot considering the castle you lived in was already rather large.

Also, you weren’t the best with directions, but as long as you and Mina didn’t get separated, that shouldn’t be a problem.

And it wasn’t a problem…until it came time for her to meet the prince.

“We’re sorry, miss, but only high-ranking royal officials can be present for this meeting.” A guard held out his arm, blocking you from following Mina into the room. She frowned and tried to protest on your behalf, but her father wasn’t having any of it.

“She’ll be fine, we need to get a move on.” He grabbed a hold of her elbow and ushered her along, and you got one last look at her worried countenance before the doors closed.

Now was when the panic set in.

“I-I need water. Or just- something.” You said it aloud but didn’t really know if anyone would hear you or help you for that matter.

Thankfully, the guard who had just cut you off was kind enough to give you directions to the kitchen and dining area. You’d been there not too long ago when everyone was eating the meal that had been prepared, so surely – you thought – it wouldn’t be an issue to stop by and get a drink to calm your nerves.

That plan worked for all of about ten minutes before you re-entered the hallway from the dining room only to find nobody was around. No guards, no passerby, nothing.

It didn’t help that, from what you had seen, most hallways looked nearly identical.

You were officially lost. Alone, panicking, and lost in a castle you’d never been to before with no one in sight to help. Unsure of what else to do, since walking around aimlessly definitely did not seem like a good idea, you did what any normal person would do.

You sat down on the floor and wrapped your arms around your legs, resting your head on top of your knees.

This had to be your worst nightmare. You were separated from Mina, the one person other than yourself who you were responsible for taking care of, and you were also stuck in unfamiliar territory which was one of your biggest fears.

None of your training ever prepared you for this-

“Are you alright, miss?”

A soft voice filtered through your thoughts, making your head snap up. Your breath got caught in your throat.

There was a man kneeling down in front of you, his hand extended as he offered you a gentle smile.

Suddenly, your situation didn’t seem like such a nightmare anymore.

A/N: thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

permanent taglist: @inlovewiththemoonn​ @lavienjin​

fic taglist: @veronawrites @thisartemisnevermisses​ @outro-kook​ @cravingforhotchocolate​

please let me know if you want to be added or removed!

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[sadaveniren]

I don’t believe in BG either bc the Briana pregnancy was so messy however this whole storyline everyone has made up for Louis if it was real really confuses me? Everyone talks about how if it’s real he must be a shit dad because he didn’t pay attention to him for years but how would anyone know that?

We’re all quick to say Louis and Harry are still together and we haven’t seen them together since 2016 because everything is private and due to their closet. But it would be the same for Louis and Freddie if he was his dad, it would be private? When Louis goes MIA, we genuinely have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. If it did happen to be real, then he could be with the child in private and not going places that he knows he would be seen by fans or paparazzi? It’s not like paparazzi follow his every move anymore aswell and they haven’t for years now.

Look I’m not trying to argue, I agree about BG however I just don’t understand this argument everyone has made up if Freddie did happen to be his because it just makes us look like other idiot fans who come up with narratives to suit them.

Okay this is a perfectly understandable argument and follows really great logic, except I was here in 2016. I don’t know if you were but anyone who is here in 2015/2016 can tell you that this argument doesn’t hold up because of what was happening in 2016 and things we were informed of by Louis himself/witnessed happen in real time.

In 2016 we essentially had a live feed of where Freddie was at all points in time. He was either being papped on Tuesdays with Louis and Danielle so we could see Louis “hung out with him” or he was being live-streamed by Briana/the Clarks. When fans say “Louis only spent 1 hour with Freddie in a parking lot on his first Father’s Day” that is a verifiable fact. Louis got papped in a parking lot with the Clarks. His father’s day pic is of him holding Freddie’s hand in a car seat. The rest of the day Freddie was in videos with Brett and Tammi, and Louis was off doing OTHER SHIT.

The day of Freddie’s first birthday they posted a video of Briana and Freddie and Louis in a house that was ALREADY SOLD TO SOMEONE ELSE because Briana had moved out of the house she lived in in 2016 but we still got a video from there and then Louis posted live video of himself at a concert.

Louis (and Niall) told us in 2016 that Louis did not have overnight permission. Freddie NEVER spent the night with him as a child. Even when they flew Freddie, Briana and Ashley to the UK for Jay and the XFactor Freddie stayed with Briana the entire time barring one afternoon with the twins. The most basic parental job is being with your baby when they sleep. Louis has NEVER done that. They waited until Freddie was 5ish to ship him off to the UK for holiday which is roughly the age in America a lot of white people start allowing their kids to spend the night with non-family.

Again I completely understand what you are saying. We don’t know everything. We can’t tell what the boys are doing in their spare time. Now. In 2022. But in 2015 and 2016 this was not the case. And in hindsight we now have a pretty good idea that the times we didn’t see Louis in 2016 he was with his mom in the UK. Where Freddie could not be, verifiably, because he didn’t get a passport - which btw the Clark’s very much implied getting a passport was not something they were ever going to get for Freddie - until November 2016 as an emergency order due to Jay’s passing, that the Clarks had no idea was happening.

Let me repeat that again: a British celebrity had a child with a normal American citizen. That child did not get a passport until he was forced to travel to the UK for a dying family member, that the mother’s family had no idea had been terminally ill for 3/4s of the year. Louis did not include the Clarks or Freddie in his family plans in 2016 until he absolutely had to. That is not “good parent” behavior. He didn’t start “taking care” of Freddie until he was out of being a toddler because we can do the same tracking method in 2017.

In 2017 he spent a lot of time in England and with Eleanor. Eleanor has never met Freddie. The one time she’s been to LA since BG started she was on IG stories posting her every fucking move so we knew she was NOT WITH FREDDIE. God help me I wish they did meet because I have been BEGGING for a pic of the two of them for years because you just know it’s gonna be suffering.

That is 2 years where Louis and Freddie were Very Easily Tracked. You could see where they were and what they did and if they were together with pretty good accuracy. That’s not the case anymore but it was the case back then. And that’s why we say if this was real Louis is a shit father because he didn’t start doing anything different until Freddie was at LEAST 3 or 4.

[lesbiansgoal]

Broke up with my girlfriend last night and I wanted to see if y'all think I'm being unreasonable here

Okay so we had been officially dating for 10 months but had been together for almost a year. Things started off really great, we quickly fell for each other, she met my family and we had made plans for me to meet hers. She talked all the time about how important her family was to her and how much she values being home (she lives with them,) she would occasionally say "they aren't the most supportive but they are getting better" but wouldn't expand much past giving the example of her mom saying "I don't know why you can't just marry a man." We never spent time at her house because she claimed that her apartment was too small to really spend time there.

We started trying to make plans in November for me to meet her family and the plans kept falling through, but I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that it was just bad timing. Our relationship started feeling so much more distant and the spark definitely didn't feel nearly as bright as the months went on. The plans never ended up happening and I chalked it up to her having a super hectic year.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago, she told me "I need to delay you meeting my mom, I can't handle having a breakdown right now if she treats you poorly." I was pretty bummed but I wanted to respect her, so I told her that it was okay to delay it a bit till she felt better.

I brought the situation up last week and this time she told me that she wanted to wait till her family was more accepting to bring me into her life. I really didn't feel comfortable with the goalpost shifting so quickly, so I told her how I felt. Feeling hidden from her family was really painful for me and we agreed that we needed to have a serious talk about things.

Welp, yesterday was serious talk day and she finally told me the whole truth. She's been out for three years and her family has been calling her a unholy freak and telling her that she's disgusting and that her relationships are an abomination for that entire time. She thought they were getting better because they had been saying it less often (I'd imagine because she had been single,) so she made the plans for me to meet her mom, but as the plans approached and her mom started making comments again, she quickly decided she didn't want to mix those two worlds and started delaying the plans. She lost her relationship with her brother entirely when she came out and it destroyed her, and she said that she can't have that happen again. This was also apparently the reason that I couldn't visit her house, the size iasue was just an excuse. She tried to tell me that they are getting better and that the parts of her life don't have to stay separate forever, but it's been 3 years and they are still saying all the terrible things to her. She thinks that showing them pictures of us and telling them about our dates will someday make them come around, but they are conservative Catholics, and honestly that sounds wildly unlikely. She gave me the option to stay with her and wait for them to be better, or to end it. And I decided to end it.

I genuinely feel for her, I can't imagine what she's going through. At the same time, I think that constantly talking about how important these people are to you and simultaneously asking your partner to be okay with not meeting them or even coming over to your house is absurd. I hate that our community has to face this kind of bigotry, but sadly that's part of the package. I fought so hard to accept myself, and I feel like asking me to willingly go back to being tucked away until I'm more palatable isn't a fair ask. It would be different if she had cut them out of her life, honestly if that was the case I'd be happy to never meet them, but she wants to live in both worlds and that doesn't feel fair to ask of me, and it especially doesn't feel fair to keep that request from me for 7 months.

I just want to have a partner thats proud to be with me, I want to be a part of my partners life, I want to spend time with them at their home, and she really painted the whole situation like I was asking way too much of her.

Sorry this got so long and rambly, what do y'all think?