#I got the “likes shows and characters so much I want to implode and cry and throw up” autism instead of the “good at maths” autism

[i-may-be-an-emu]

“Autism is a superpower 🥰🫶🤗” no it’s not it’s a disability

…but someone said “there was this line in the show ‘Loki’ that said ‘Let time Pass’ and..” and then kept talking and I was zoned out until the quote and shot right up and was like “WAIT WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT” so yeah maybe I have superpowers or maybe I’m just a bit insane

[exarchics]

exp 33 end game spoilers under the cut

verso is probably one of my favorite protagonists ever. what a deeply selfish man who betrayed everyone at almost every single turn, multiple times. but then you get it. you understand why he would do this.

the reveal that he let gustave die on purpose and the option to lie about it. truly, truly made my blood run cold. the fact that either option honestly makes sense for him! devastated me. and literally ripping apart a world at the seams not once, but twice, because he doesn’t want to live in the center of it all anymore. because he doesn’t want to watch his sister to become as lost as his mother was. it was what finally got me to really break over this game.

he is cruel out of love for his family. just like his father is. in any other game i think this character would have been the antagonist and that is kind of what makes the writing here truly subversive for me. no wonder you get (painted) renoir’s suit after you kill him.

he has such real love for his family but he will never truly be connected to them because of what he is. he clearly cares about the expedition but he can’t fully commit himself to them (even if he wants to - and oh boy does he want to) because he has watched hundreds of people before them be put down over and over. because he’s already made his choice on what to do long before you ever meet him. the expedition is kind of doomed as soon as they allow him to join their ranks.

and. maybe. maybe it was up in the air for a bit - but as soon as he sees his mother crying out in pain in the real world after you defeat (actual) renoir. well. it’s over! he’s made up his mind.

(and honestly i think renoir knew exactly who’s emotions he was appealing to when he showed that glimpse of their mother suffering. like i wonder who this will work on - alicia/maelle, who is resented by her mother and has hardly any sort of positive relationship with her - or verso, the fragment of a son who threw himself into the fire for his family as soon as they were in danger? lol)

genuinely what is the value of a life to him at this point compared to the lives of his literally god like family? what do free will and these people’s dreams really amount to when compared to the existential nightmare he’s been forced to deal with for over a hundred years? he’s both the remains of and the legacy of a man who very obviously held his family together when he was alive and who was willing to die for them when push came to shove. and now he’s going to die for them AGAIN if it means giving them the chance to move on. he’s selfish and he’s not. he’s a hypocrite to his core.

all of the people you meet, all that time bonding with them and learning about them. not once does he ever actually let any of them in. he learns so much about sciel and lune - but he knows to keep his own mouth shut when it matters. monoco knows - but monoco has had a hundred years to accept what verso will eventually do. and he does. because monoco was also created to love verso.

the beautiful world you grow to love along the way. it’s broken but it’s salvageable. tomorrow always comes - until verso decides otherwise. tomorrow will not come for lumiere because life isn’t fair because verso isn’t fair.

none of it matters because, ultimately, nothing is worth more than the very concept of finally escaping from all of it.

“i don’t want this life”

why isn’t he allowed to be selfish after spending more than a lifetime watching everyone die (remember, he lived through the fracture and accompanied dozens of expeditions to their deaths). why can’t he do this after learning the truth of his existence and his world’s existence and after watching his family implode over and over and hurt themselves and die themselves.

of course he let gustave die, by the way. you did a great job. but i will take it from here. you played the part of brother to maelle (inconsequential), now i will play brother to alicia (important) and try to make sure she does what i think is best for her and myself and our mother. ultimately a sad thing also because i think gustave could have agreed with him - at least to an extent bc of course he would have loved alicia just as much as he loved maelle - but gustave also loved the world too much to ever let it burn. we see that proven early on. verso saw the risk and he acted coldly and accordingly.

to really drive it home, when maelle let’s alicia die, the positions of her and verso’s final stand off are literally reversed. verso selfishly and angrily demands that he should have been given the opportunity to speak to her and convince her to live on, even if she didn’t want to. it’s jarring to see him so angry. maelle knows that he must let her go so that she can be at peace - so that He can be at peace too. it’s just as jarring to watch maelle use her ability as a painter to call the shots in a world that now works as she sees fit. and verso can only comply. it makes sense to let alicia (her literal mirror) go. it will never make sense to let verso go. truly evil foreshadowing by the way. a sibling for a sibling huh. they are Both hypocrites.

and isn’t it awful how it all mirrors real life for alicia/maelle. again. verso died in a fire so that she could survive. now he’s going to kill himself (with feeling this time) to force her to live on. to verso, lumiere is the fire. and he’s going to let it burn out into ash while he pushes her back into safety, scarred but alive.

i don’t think this game says that art cannot heal. obviously that’s not true. otherwise a game like this wouldn’t exist in the first place if that’s what this truly boiled down to. but art cannot bring the ones we love back from the dead. escapism to such an insane degree is ultimately a cold comfort that can hurt us and the people around us.

expedition 33 says that grief, much like anything else, can only truly begin to be tackled with acceptance. the paintress is denial. renoir is the cold face of acceptance.

this is a game about a family who cannot recognize when they have lost. there is no self control or moderation to spare for them. they all act in extremes.

maybe that’s what truly scares me about this story. to see myself in something that feels so bleak. but to also see a glimmer of hope in it, despite it all. it’s not a perfect story by any means but it’s a story that worked for me and hit me where i felt it the most.

verso dooms the world and he dooms himself but he’s free. he’s finally free.

[august-shops]

ST characters as TS albums pt. 2

Hey everyone,

Here is part 2 of ST characters x TS albums! Part 1 can be found here, which has the rest of the party members. Anyway, as always, feel free to share your own takes as I was very conflicted on some of these! :))

Nancy Wheeler - THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

I think some things I never say | Who else decodes you? | Every breath feels like rarest air when you’re not sure if he wants to be there | Just how low did you think I’d go ‘fore I’d self implode? | Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid | All my girls got their lace and their crime | This cage was once just fine, am I allowed to cry? | I’m a real tough kid, I can handle my shit | So they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say: Do you believe me now? | Old habits die screaming | Ended with the slam of a door, then he’ll call her a whore | I want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me

Ah, Ms Nancy Wheeler. Initially, I thought of reputation as there are several parts of her arc that match that vibe (s1 breaking out of being the “good girl,” having a gun like a baddie, fighting back towards the sexist news reporters in s3). I could see her singing “If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing” with her whole chest. Maybe I’m just in an angsty mood, but especially with where we’ve left off in s4, I think TTPD fits her character more. I think it still captures some of the rebellious spirit of reputation but is more mature. The album is a bit darker, regretful, and reflective. It’s stubborn, refusing to move on. I think these traits fit Nancy in her consistent quest for answers, in how determined she is to give Barb’s family some kind of peace, in how she refuses to drop the news story in s3 (which I think is very Cassandra-coded) and lies their way into the trailer park in s4. She is strong and persistent while also coping with every emotion imaginable.

I think the album also highlights her difficult relationship dynamics between feeling disconnected and misunderstood by Steve to trying to understand and reconnect with Jonathan who is deeply struggling during s4. 

Jonathan Byers - Midnights

You don’t really read into my melancholia | When the morning came we were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf | Midnights become my afternoons | My town was a wasteland | I don’t remember who I was before you painted all my nights a color I’d searched for | Did you wish you’d put up more of a fight? | You say “What a mind,” this happens all the time | My knuckles were bruised like violets | I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian ‘cause I care | What if I told you none of it was accidental? | Your picket fence is sharp as knives | I prefer hiding in plain sight

There wasn’t any one song that particularly sold me on pairing Jonathan with Midnights, it was more of the album’s aesthetic and themes as a whole. It has a moody 70s aesthetic which I think matches Jonathan. The album is all about poor coping mechanisms, sleepless nights of overthinking, and self-sabotage, things which all but SCREAM Jonathan Byers. Midnights is secretive and pessimistic, which I fear is also very Jonathan. We see him struggling to cope in s4 – he begins smoking all the time and ends up not applying to Emerson College like he had planned with Nancy. I think his biggest enemy (other than Vecna) is himself and that feels very true to much of the album.

I thought about evermore for Jonathan as well, but I just didn’t think it fit the arc of his character; my guy is not in his healing era. He needs an album that’s more chaotic and messy and unsure. 

Steve Harrington - 1989

You got that James Dean daydream look in your eye | We were born to be suburban legends | Tell her how you must’ve lost your mind when you left her all alone and never told her why | “You look like my next mistake, love’s a game, wanna play?” | I’m just gonna shake it to the fella over there with the hella good hair | Got love struck, went straight to my head | You kiss me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever | He said “Let’s get out of this town, drive out of the city away from the crowd | Baby, I know places we won’t be found | The best people in life are free

Our man Steve ‘the hair’ Harrington is no doubt 1989. His impulsive and sometimes naive decisions match the fast-paced and energetic album. He has a reputation when it comes to dating, much like Taylor at this time. While on the surface, 1989 is just basic pop music, underneath, the album shows a change of pace and growth (much like Steve’s character from when we first met him to now). The album is optimistic and spins chaos and heartbreak into adventure. This explanation is short, but it’s because this one is so clear to me. I hope you can see the vision haha

Robin Buckley - Lover

Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years? | I love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard? | I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you | Now I’ve read all of the books beside your bed | I get mystified by how this city screams your name | I ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright, they said “I don’t know” | Twenty questions, we tell the truth, you’ve been stressed out lately, yeah me too | It’s nice to have a friend | Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men? | The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair | Hey, it’s all me in my head

Alright, I matched Robin Buckley with Lover, more from her in s4 than s3. To me, Robin has a level of self-acceptance reflected in the album, even with some level of insecurity and overthinking. Lover is vibrant, with very distinct sounds and unique samples used throughout the melodies. The album is honest, much like Robin, to a sometimes unhinged level, reminding me of the times Robin would get into nervous rambles in s4. Robin is loyal and a bit of a daydreaming romantic too.

I thought a bit about folklore for her as well before deciding against it. I think Robin is too upbeat for that.

Eddie Munson - reputation

Big reputation, big reputation, oh you and me we got big reputations | They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one | My reputation’s never been worse so you must like me for me | Don’t blame me, love made me crazy | Don’t like your tilted stage, the role you made me play | It was the great escape, the prison break, the light of freedom on my face | I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town babe, or if you strike out and you’re crawling home | You don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me? | I’m a mess but I’m the mess that you wanted

Okay, this is going to be another short explanation because do I really need to explain this one? Of course, Eddie Munson is reputation. He quite literally had a terrible one. He was known in his school and his town for running a ‘cult,’ and was thought to have murdered Chrissy. Eddie really did not care at all about the rumors or societal expectations. He explicitly rejected conformity and playing by the rules. While everyone thinks Eddie is a menace, he’s really not. This is similar to the album, which has an edgy aesthetic but underneath it is a warm and soft love album.

Joyce Byers - TTPD THE ANTHOLOGY

I love you, it’s ruining my life | So you pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas | But my bare hands paved their paths, you don’t get to tell me about ‘sad’ | I got cursed like Eve got bitten | A greater woman stays cool but I howl like a wolf at the moon, and I look unstable | The empathetic hunger descends | I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed | The brink of a wrinkle in time, bittersweet 16 suddenly | As I said in my letters, now that I know better I will never lose my baby again | Six weeks of breathin’ clean air, I still miss the smoke

This one is a bit strange but it just feels right — Joyce Byers is TTPD (particularly THE ANTHOLOGY). Like I said earlier, the album is stubborn and strong-headed, even after experiencing so much grief. Like in Cassandra and The Prophecy, she is a woman who was scorned and treated as crazy who was right all along (especially s1). I also think How Did it End? is very s1-coded. Joyce has had to adapt to all these changes and heartbreak in her life, thinking she lost her son and lover, never having stability or room for comfort in life. 

Jim Hopper - folklore

Pouring out my heart to a stranger, but I didn’t pour the whiskey | “Doc, I think she’s crashing out,” and some things you just can’t speak about | In my defense, I have none for digging up the grave another time | In a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green | You’re not my homeland anymore, so who am I defending now? | You know that I’d swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenches | The devil’s in the details, but you got a friend in me | My twisted knife, my sleepless night, my winless fight, this has frozen my ground

Now Jim Hopper threw me for a loop trying to match him to an album. I thought about Midnights and evermore and even reputation, but ended up settling on folklore for similar (ish) reasons to Max — it’s living in the breakdown and chaos of heartache, even if it keeps you stuck in the past (very s1). Hopper sometimes acts out, becomes immature, or shuts down in response, but is also fiercely protective and genuinely trying his best (especially with El and Joyce). 

This was one of the cases where I landed on folklore because of very specific songs and lyrics. this is me trying was written about Hopper I swear. epiphany also has lyrics that really made me think of his experience of losing his daughter (much of the imagery in verse 2). Even the last great american dynasty made me think of Hopper with the main character getting into a feud with their neighbor — it reminded me of his petty s3 beef with Mike. So, aesthetically, while I think Hopper is more Midnights, I think lyrically, he’s folklore. 

[ayeliiss]

My two cents on MHA430 and Izuku's character

Disclaimer: this is NOT a hate post against Horikoshi and his manga. Simply, I need to lash my disappointment out somewhere and write my feelings down before I implode. I'm not trying to sound like 'ugh, I know better than them' at all, although I am aware some of my claims may give the 'why does the author think he knows so much?!' vibes, but keep in mind this is just my irrelevant opinion and it won't change anything anyway. So, please, don't come at me with 'lacking reading comprehension' or 'you're coping' (yes, I am) because I feel like fans are allowed to be upset at this ending even if you think differently! To each their own opinion, as long as it's respectful! Also, this might be unnecessarily long so, I apologize in advance.

Discussion about Izuku's character

First of all, if you're satisfied with the ending and what Izuku did/became, I'm genuinely happy for you. Truthfully, I envy you so damn much because I personally couldn't stop feeling empty and crying at night for him, and before you come at me with 'girl, he's fictional, it's okay you'll move on', yes, I know I'm a drama queen and I shouldn't be in one hell of a state for a fictional character, but I can't help it. I've grown as attached to him as I've ever grown to any character before, and there's no turning back. MHA is the first manga that ever moved me this hard and it'll forever remain a masterpiece for me, but it doesn't mean it's not flawed and should be free of criticism (always with respect for Horikoshi's work).

Funny thing is, I didn't even like Izuku when I first met him. He was the typical crybaby and too-optimistic MC I tend to dislike when I read a manga. Yet, the more I read, the more I started to understand him, the more I sympathized with him, and the more I loved him. I realized I related to him to such an outlandish extent, though I know we remain different in the way we act or think. But Izuku, even before Katsuki (and my friends know how obsessed I am with this blond lmao), became my first and greatest over-fixation and my main reason to continue reading/watching MHA. This manga changed my life; Izuku did too, and this isn't an understatement.

Just like him—and probably just like many of us—, I've endured bullying, been made fun of for being different, felt unwanted and hated, been belittled, and treated like shit for most of my teenage years. I think that's what really endeared him to me. I wanted to watch him grow, to watch him make real friends, to watch him receive the apologies and respect he deserved, to see him succeed. I wanted him to realize he was worth it and loved and, oh God, I wish he could know just how much his fans do love him.

And for 200+ chapters, I got what I wanted. Izuku got to live his dream, be around his idol who recognized him, and made new friends who admired him and wanted nothing but to be by his side. Then, the Vigilante arc happened, and everything changed. I won't dwell on the fact that, for me, this arc was the beginning of the decline of his character. It's worth noting though that it's at this precise moment that we've lost track of all his thoughts, but I'll focus on the ending, and how the way Horikoshi handled Izuku's character remains my biggest disappointment.

I sometimes joked with a friend of mine, saying, "Hori's favorite character is Katsuki and it shows so much, he even forgets he isn't his MC!" but I don't think it's much of a joke anymore.

Again, I'm very happy for those who are pleased with Izuku's closure. But, honestly, I can't grasp their process of thinking (I wish I could) because there's no way I can understand how it makes sense. It's not about him being quirkless—actually, I think this choice was cool—, it's about his obvious fucking depression.

After his initial withdrawal, there is never any resolution. He has never talked about his feelings to anyone, never opened up about all the things that bugged him, never taken it out on anyone. He just stopped having development, and never learned how to 'control his heart' (one of the biggest plots of the story, remember???). So, he continues to take everything up on his shoulders by the end of the story, and eight years later, he is feeling lonely, as he says himself:

Yes, I can read, and I know he's also saying he's happy with helping/encouraging other people. But it's literally denial. Izuku is in denial and it hurts me so much. He's alone (I'm not talking about how he's barely seen his friends, I know they didn't abandon him or anything, I'm talking about how he is feeling in general), deprived of his dream, and never got to talk about it to anyone (at least, on-screen. And if it's not shown, then it didn't happen). Even the adults around him don't see he's in pain—or, at least, don't think it's worth addressing. Aizawa can't even simply answer 'yes, you're cool' when Izuku obviously seeks praise and needs nice words after everything he's been through. He doesn't even get fans (except for two, waouh!) after saving the fucking world. He doesn't get a statue, no recognition. Katsuki leads a project for him to get a suit, but not the government? After everything he did? Why isn't he more recognized and acknowledged for his hard work? Killing him would've almost felt like a better choice lol (#it's a joke).

Even if, in the end, he gets to join his friends again and be a hero with them, he's still not opening up. How is it sane/healthy for him???? How will he even be able to maintain good relationships of any kind if there are already so many and huge miscommunication issues?

I hate this—I dislike how it's basically saying 'his feelings weren't that important!'. Izuku deserved better, a better closure. So much is missing from him; from this bitter ending, and I can't find any way to make myself feel better or to cope with it.

I am devastated, I feel empty for him, I just want someone to take him to therapy, to help him.

Some rumors have started to spread, about how 'Horikoshi has been forced to shorten his manga' but I don't believe this—MHA has been SJ's money-maker for a while. And even if it were to be true, the epilogue could've been handled differently. Hori could've focused on the most important parts (that he hasn't even shown/resolved at all) and left the irrelevant ones out (why introduce a new character if not to make us feel hopeful to see Tenko again, lol). He chose to not address the most important aspects of his story (including his MC's resolution and growth) and left us with huge plot holes. And now, we're stuck with our imagination, as usual.

I just can't with 'open endings' and 'it's left to interpretation' stuff. It's too easy to do that. I'm tired of mangakas not taking risks, rushing their own plots, and not digging deeper into their own MCs' traumas. I don't know what happened, but among the many issues left regarding this last chapter, Izuku's conclusion remains my greatest ick. I'm so sorry to say this, but Izuku didn't grow. He never learned from his mistakes and just didn't change—oh wait. Yes, he did change on one crucial aspect—his biggest trait, being obsessed with his childhood friend, totally disappeared! Maybe he started to stop caring about 'Kacchan and the others' and put himself first, to the point of forgetting the said childhood friend died twice for him, who knows? :))) (yeah, I'm especially pissed off at this lol don't mind me).

In my imagination, I see him being a pro-hero who continues to suppress his feelings and continues to act recklessly, to risk his life in the face of any danger that shows up. This is what happens when you leave it to fans' imagination, after all.

I know fanfictions exist, and I'm very happy this unclear ending motivated some writers to challenge their creativity. For me, it had the opposite effect. I'm disgusted, I am angry at Izuku and I know I'll struggle to finish my fics where he's involved because I don't want to deal with his character anymore. I'm too attached to canonical representation.

Man, I'm just devastated. I have no other words. And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I feel betrayed. Shitted on. I'm dying inside and there's nothing I can do because it's over. Just like this long-ass essay, btw lol. Thank you if you're still here, thank you if you've read this! I'm pretty much open to discussion so if anyone wants to try and reassure me over some aspects or respectfully explain why I am wrong (I know I probably am, yet again those are my own feelings), please don't hesitate to do so. Also, I definitely need friends with whom I could talk about this deeper... so, my DMs are open too if you'd like to!

Much love to Izuku though; one of the best MCs I've encountered in my life, despite how he turned.

[happilylovingbitch]

Music and Fic Monday for @lonestar-s5countdown

Sorry I’m late-ish! I’ll give a combination of recommendations for music and fanfics today (which is almost over where I am). And wow, there’s a lot involving TK (I’m getting concerned about how much he and Carlos get whumped, I don’t really care if it’s just me 😰).

([Re-])Surfacing Dive for Beginnings and Ends:

Beyond a lot of the stories written by @carlos-in-glasses, @paperstorm and @lemonlyman-dotcom that I think are also beautiful character studies of the Lone Star characters may not get explored enough (and in some cases even exploring parts of the characters that get most focus in-show), I wanted to give a few shout-outs to other, older one-shots/ full-length stories.

Lonely eyes, you don’t have to be alone tonight by @wwasted: A coda that takes place in between the bar scene and the end of 1x03. It’s very cute w/o dragging out too much of either man’s angst, which I liked.

The elephant in the juice bar by @taralaurel: Where Tarlos begins for real after 1x10, and TK tries and fails to keep a metaphor steady as he decides to take a chance.

Getting better by @lonestarbabe, Pigeonsplotinsecrecy: This fic really plays with the meaning of the words “begin” and “end”, especially with a mental health recovery arc and especially with TK. It’s not for everyone, but it describes how relatable, tedious, solitary and multicolored the process can be.

Rosa mundi by fiddlersgreen: A one-shot where TK, Owen, and Carlos make it to New York without incident and properly mourn for Gwyn… and it’s quite a spiritual experience.

You were the greatest thing by hoodieweather: TK is mournful after the events of season 2 as he goes to visit Gwyn and Jonah, but re-learns something important about life. Takes place in the breakup era. Before the ice storm? Actually def before the ice storm.

First aid by @heartstringsduet: I like to call this the gritty version of “Tarlos Begins”, only both characters have more fragile coping methods of surviving life in New York City. When those methods gradually fall apart and threaten to completely implode their lives, they have to face their respective truths and learn how to live— both with the people around them, the real versions of each other, and with themselves.

Not really bridal style by paperyowl: Tarlos begins again immediately post-3x04— with some relationship negotiating required. The author really nailed Tarlos’ voices for their first fic in the 9-1-1: LS fandom!

Haunted by the ghost of you by @strandnreyes: A sad and hopeful combination of 3x04 and 3x08, where Tarlos begins again with an unexpected end.

I’m not mean enough to fully recommend hurt no comfort Tarlos fics, or hurt no comfort fics in general (and I’m still less than a year into using Tumblr anyway), so for a definitive “end” fic in that category, I may direct you to MissPudim’s works where the issues with the whole Iris arc is addressed and Tarlos handles it Extremely Badly. Or this fic called Gone where… it’s… okay, hell. They still handle it bad, it’s still kind of an end and it’s a bittersweet end, albeit in an AU. And another one by bythebry, Ain’t got no tears left to cry.

Where all this love comes from by @carlos-in-glasses: I think I’m not the first one to recommend this story but I think it counts as a general “begins” for both TK and Carlos (mainly for Carlos, though). And I’m listening to Postmodern Jukebox while trying to re-recommend it… if you’re curious, I put one of their cover songs on the bottom of this post. Needless to say, I loved this fic!

TK (Begins):

Jewish for Himself by 7ate9: I felt a sense of completion to read a fic that goes into TK’s POV about how the religion Gwyn wanted to raise him under is, in a word, complicated (as hell). Yes, just as much as his career and gay identity. For that, I’m thankful to the author! (And not just because so many opportunities for TK’s Jewish rep was wasted…)

TK begins by writedontfight: Exactly what the title says, with a plausible and saddeningly real scar of loss in TK’s life.

Numb and Thirty days by come2gusu: TK begins again, and good GOD I’M SAD ABOUT 3x08 AGAIN nooOOOOOooO….

Carlos (Begins):

Duality of a day by @marjansmarwani: I loved this exploration of how double-edged the wedding day would feel for Carlos— the beginning of a new chapter in his life with TK, and the punch-to-the-face end of Gabriel’s own life (spoiler alert).

to build a home by @freneticfloetry: This story was the first “Carlos Begins” story I’d read. I thought I wouldn’t like the canon divergence that happens at the end, but I was pleasantly surprised!

Dancing, happy, seen by @endlesstwanted: Carlos’ POV as he falls in love at first sight with TK.

Silver lining’s gold and shining by @paperstorm: “Carlos begins”, with a little help from Iris. For me, it also parallels “Chimney Begins”.

I fell for you like a child (oh but the fire went wild) by ellay_gee: Told in a 5+1 format about Carlos’ experiences with love. It was so cute!

Tender eyes that shine by @alrightbuckaroo: Much like “to build a home”, this fic exuded “Carlos begins” energy with more focus on how the Reyes’ “identity” shaped Carlos, and him focusing on unlearning the emotional repression that comes with that ideal.

Music Recs for @tellmegoodbye:

If the Lone Star music team uses this cover of AC/DC my country-music side would be tickled. Just thought that a down-South version of a rock song would be a cool bookend to the pop collab “Old Town Road.”

Postmodern Jukebox is one of my favorite cover bands, and they’ve made a lot of songs I’ve heard of really appealing for me— retro takes on pop songs! This one cover of Oasis’ songs brought to mind another procedural spinoff, NCIS: New Orleans, for the jazz funeral feel added to apparently hotly-debated interpretations of the lyrics (I only just looked on Reddit, so…). But considering what’s happening, hearing the song in the context of Lone Star breaks and warms my heart.

[hotxcheeto]

Comforting the lis characters after a bad day hcs

━ 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 - Chloe, Rachel, Victoria, Nathan, Kate 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Angsty, mentions of untreated mental illness in Nate's, Cursing, Fluff if you see it

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - My babies

☆ 𝐂𝐡𝐥𝐨𝐞 - She's got a lot of bad days under her belt. Especially on her dads death anniversary and just on days where she'd rather lay in bed all day then get up. You'll sit with her all day if need be. Chloe cannot stand it either. She wants you to go out, have fun with friends or something until you remind her that she's your best, best, best friend and girlfriend.

You will lay there with her in silence or talking her ear off until she feels better. And on days where people just piss her off, you will sit there and let her rant and rave you about. You're like her diary except you talk back, and can calm her down better than anybody.

Chloe loves reassurance, she likes being told she's doing good. Even if she doesn't realize it, hearing you tell her that she's doing amazing and that you love every inch of her even on her mentally grey days. you don't mind sitting with her.

Depending on what's wrong, you have certain ways of comforting her. And Chloe will always feed into it, because she has almost no one else and you'll stay with her even if the world implodes. You're her light in very dark moments I will restate that again and again.

☆ 𝐑𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥 - Now Rachel processes emotions a bit different. A lot of it she just turns directly into anger, girl can go straight for your jugular. And she will by all means and feel like shit right after. So tread carefully, gotta walk on eggshells with her at first. Depending on what happened of course, family issues really, really upset her.

Shitty people at school, now those she'll just go off about talking to you while you sit there quietly and let her just go on and on. And Rachel is so thankful for those times, because she can just go on and on and you just let her.

Or when she's sad, you'll allow her to just lay with you and braid her hair or run your fingers through it. Sometimes Rachel will quietly talk to you, or you'll quietly talk to her. She's so grateful for you, just know that.

☆ 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚 - Victoria has a lot of people that do not like her. She knows it and sometimes those people can really get to her. So she'll come home and she's silent. Quietest you will ever hear Victoria is when she's upset like that, like that. You've got to really get to her, and usually its something someone said about her being with you.

It hurts her so much and she just needs a hug. Reassurance is her comfort, hearing you compliment her. Tell her you love her, because she needs to hear it. To anyone else, she'll go off and defend herself and you. But with you, Victoria is quiet and very real with you. Victoria shows you her soft side in these moments, her real side.

☆ 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 - Nathan. Nathan has tons and tons of bad days. He's mentally ill, untreated, and has some of the shittiest parents to have graced the planet with their very unwelcome presence. He gets very angry, at the world, at his dad, at other people. But never to you. You are like an angel in the middle of hell.

Will bury his face into your neck, and even cry. But by God you are the only person on this planet, no one else ever, that he will cry in front of. He just doesn't, but with you he will you provide that safety that he needs after a shitty day with his dad or other people. Sometimes his own mind plaguing him with thoughts he doesn't want.

You just thread your fingers through his hair and tell him that you love him. He's doing good, that you're proud of him for what he's done to change and be better. But it's all for you, he wants to be better for you because of what you do for him. Especially on his bad days.

☆ 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐞 - Likes to lay with you, have you read to her or watch a movie with her. Kate has a hard time telling you what's wrong, she doesn't like to 'bother' you. You have to remind her, again and again, that she doesn't bother you. You're in love her Kate and that means you're ready to beat someone up for hurting her.

Kate likes when you make her laugh after a bad day, just doing goody things. Or doing/saying things you didn't even think was funny but she's in tears because of it.

Rants too, she talks a lot when she's passionate about something and will get embarrassed about it. But you love it, cause she only does that with you. And she'll go on about people and how annoying they are and how annoying and terrible her day was. Might cry, but you hug her tight and reassure her. You love your little softie.

[jennifersminds]

Hey! Hope you are having a great day.

So since I like you opinions and analyzes so much, I wanted to ask, Why do you think people hate Elena?

I know they have some reasons, like her sleeping with Damon and breaking up with Stefan etc... (Which I find terribly hypocritical because no other character is better at that point) but it's like they think Elena was ALWAYS a bad friend or a girlfriend, they ignore the times she sacrificed herself and asked forgiveness from Stefan. Honestly, I've left apps like Reddit or Instagram because of that, I can't stand all this hatred towards a fictional character who has so many fans as well.

Okay I'm gonna start off with - tysm !!! for this ask and I'm so sorry for the tremendous can of mental worms it's going to pop off bc i have thoughts-

There are actually alot of factors in play when it comes to the frankly insane amount of hate Elena receives, and in my opinion they vary between vaguely valid and batshit insane. Now this could very easily turn into an insane rant so I’m gonna try to speak objectively in an attempt to actually explain myself lmao.

The cards are already sorta stacked against Elena as a main character because audiences seem to have this individualistic desire to tear a piece of medias protagonist apart (especially if they’re female). I honestly can’t think of a fandom I’ve been in nor witnessed one where this doesn’t happen to some degree. Media literacy is a dying skill and alot of audience member struggle to grasp that the ‘fun, witty, sexy, bitchy etc’ side character is often a side character for a reason. Main characters are viewed as ‘attention hoggers’ for merely taking up the most screen time as if thats not what they were always intended to do. No matter how snarky or chill a character is people will always get tired of them for wining or crying or taking up too much room. Regardless of a piece of medias contents, audiences have a very short fuse with this sorta thing. So Elena not only being a main character, but a main character who’s literally the centre of multiple spells/prophecies and who is constantly undergoing horrific trauma because of this and therefore crying, makes her an unfortunate target for contrarian viewers who are already desperate to hate the shows lead just to feel different.

The biggest factor is, to likely no-ones surprise, misogyny. Both internalised and not, the shows 12-17 year old target audience combined with the actual blatant sexism displayed in the show itself are a recipe for disaster that implodes with every new wave of tweens that stumble across the show. Now I mentioned how alot of audiences hate main characters out of a need to feel different, amplify that by a hundred thanks to the fun and unavoidable ‘not like other girls’ phase that most of this age demographic is going through and you’ve got yourself an Elena-anti. (I’m not demonising this phase, the treatment of young girls in society makes this an almost impossible thing to avoid, however it is a big reason alot of girls hate Elena). The nature of the show adds to this aswell, as the Salvatore love triangle encourages audiences to pick a side, Stefan or Damon, and once you start choosing between brothers you feel the need to choose between every character. So you’ve got girls who like Caroline feeling a need to hate both Elena and Bonnie because the show makes it feel impossible to like more than one character at once. 

Now, building more on internalised misogyny- the biggest and most insane way people hate on Elena imo is the ‘crybaby’ accusations. This to me comes from a mixture of point one and two, a lack of patients for main characters and their ‘whining’ and ‘not like other girls’ syndrome. Now we can argue until we’re blue in the face about who lost more or who deserves to cry but in my opinion it doesn’t matter. Elena was grieving at every point in the show (something that I don’t think was properly discussed tbh), being actively groomed and abused (I’ll talk more on that later), and dealing with multiple threats on her life at the age of seventeen. She deserved to cry. In fact she deserved to do alot more.

So I’ve mostly been talking about audience and audience perception so far so let’s get into the actual show and its storyline. Now I mentioned how tvd encourages their audience to choose, this in itself isn't wrong or unusual, however with Elena it leads to the entire audience heavily sympathising with one of the Salvatore brothers. The young girls watching the show are told that they need to feel bad/happy for whichever one they like the most because otherwise why are they watching? Now I know it sounds like I’m just describing to you the basic steps of watching/reading anything however this is a problem here because - 

The Salvatore’s are not victims. They are not just love interests. The Elena/Salvatore love triangle isn’t a normal love triangle where all the parties are equally complicated and therefore deserve to be held equally accountable. Both Damon and Stefan hold a highly significant level of power above Elena. Not just because they’r older but because she is a child. And not just because she’s a child but because they both no more about her and the world she’s being tormented by than she does. This would be one thing if they made an effort to share this information with her along the way but they don’t, and not only do they use this to manipulate her along the way they hold her accountable for what she does while being manipulated by one of them.

Not even the way teenagers would hold each-other accountable in a normal high school love triangle, they hold her to the standards of an adult and because they do- so does the audience. And because the young girls watching this show have no reason to hold their fav hunky sassy sexy vampire boy accountable for how they treat Elena. They then hold Elena accountable for not just the things she does ‘wrong’ but the things the Salvatores fo wrong too.

All of Damon and Stefans misdeeds fall upon Elena, the people they kill/assault (caroline), the battles they start. She is blamed for all of it because, going back to point one, she’s the protagonist, and she’s at the centre of it all. And while it is true that in the lore of the show everything happens because of Elena and her doppelgänger status, she literally never has any control or autonomy throughout the entire run. She doesn’t bring vampires into Mystic falls. The vampires (salvatores) force their way into it just to fuck her. But because the show would have to sacrifice its perfect love story to discuss this, it doesn’t. So it’s primarily young audience (point two) ignores it/doesn’t think of it, and also blames Elena the way the Salvatore’s do. 

Okay I’m gonna wrap this up even though there’s probably alot more I should say but i will give my vague opinions on a few plot points.

Stefan had no right to be mad at Elena in season 4, at-least not the way he was. I mentioned before that Elena was held to the standards of an adult by both brothers well I honestly think Stefan is the worst for it. His whole self afflicting, tortured “I never thought you’d hurt me this way” thing was bullshit because.... why??? why did you think that? She’s a child. A literal child that your psycho rapist of a brother has been trying to fuck for two years now.

The use of Rebekah by both Stefan and Damon is very gross to me aswell. And I think relevant here too because both of these moments are prime “OMG look how self centred Elena is” things. Both Stefan and Damon use sex with other people as a way to punish Elena for stepping out of line. The choice of Rebekah is deliberate by both of them and to say otherwise is ridiculous in my opinion. Damon sleeps with Rebekah not 48 hours after she tried to kill Elena and Stefan after Rebekah literal did kill her. The attitude of the “You’ve never seen me when I’m not in love with you.” shit is enraging.

Anyway, I’m gonna end this here. I’d be happy to elaborate/get into more specific moments and reasons whenever but thank you again for this ask. Sorry it’s a bit late but I wanted to get as much out as coherently as possible lmao.

[likecastle]

Ronance Femslash February

OK, so . . . this is the first prompt I’ve gotten for Ronance Femslash February where I’ve significantly deviated from the prompt. The prompt was this: “nancy gets pregnant and robin steps in and helps nancy w her pregnancy and theyre great mothers.” Anon, I genuinely appreciate you sending this prompt, but as I turned over how I would fill it, I came to the conclusion that this scenario just isn’t how I see these characters. I’ve read and enjoyed fic where Robin and Nancy have kids in some way or another, but it’s just not my read on Nancy especially as a character. Maybe I should have just passed on this one, but it did get my gears turning to think about how I would take this subject matter on. I wound up writing something that was almost entirely the opposite of the prompt, and I’ll completely understand, anon, if it’s very much not your jam. I’m still grateful to you for giving me the chance to explore my understanding of these characters through this lens.

I’m accepting Ronance prompts all month for Femslash February. You can find previous prompts I’ve filled here.

Putting this one behind a cut, mostly for length. Content warning for non-graphic discussion of pregnancy and abortion.

Nancy shows up at Robin’s door soaking wet, with a bottle of vodka in a soggy paper bag. Robin thinks she’s been crying, but it’s impossible to tell with all the water streaming from her hair.

“I was in the neighborhood,” Nancy says, and her voice cracks in a way that instantly turns Robin’s insides to ice.

Robin was supposed to go out with some friends from work, but she immediately hustles Nancy into her room and calls to cancel while Nancy changes into dry clothes. Once they’re nestled under a blanket on the couch, with a glass of vodka in front of each of them, Robin begins the elaborate conversational ritual of finding out what’s bothering Nancy. The problem is, a direct line of questioning usually only succeeds in getting Nancy’s hackles up, and someone who tried to wait for Nancy to volunteer that information herself could easily wait forever. Robin’s gotten better, over the years, at restraining her own panicked instincts and slowly leading the conversation around to whatever it is that’s bothering Nancy, gradually drawing her out until she’s ready to talk about what’s on her mind.

Which is how it happens that Robin’s solidly tipsy by the time Nancy finally says, “There’s actually something I wanted to ask you.”

“Whatever you need, Nance,” Robin says, bumping their shoulders together. She can smell the product in Nancy’s damp hair, something sharp and sandalwood-y. “You know that. Anything, always.”

Nancy gives her a thin smile. “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment on Friday, and I was hoping, um, that you’d come with me?”

This isn’t exactly what Robin was expecting, but it’s hardly the most onerous thing Nancy’s ever asked of her. She and Steve helped Nancy and Jonathan move into their third-floor walkup in a 100-degree weather last year, so sitting in a doctor’s waiting room is no big deal compared to actual heat exhaustion.

“I know you don’t like doctors,” Nancy says in an apologetic rush, evidently taking Robin’s surprise for dismay, “but I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have with me. But it’s OK if you don’t want to, I can find someone else.”

Something about the way she says it gets Robin’s brain spinning off into paranoid scenarios. “Of course I’ll come, Nance, don’t even worry about it. But if you think you’re really sick, or something, you’re legally obligated to tell me. You’re entitled to your privacy and everything, but I will literally implode if I have to worry that you’re dying or something for the next week.”

“I’m pregnant,” Nancy says dully.

Later, Robin will blame the three glasses of vodka she’s had for what she says next. “Oh, shit. Or,” she adds too late, her brain catching up with her mouth, “sorry—uh—congrats?”

Nancy shakes her head, and sniffs. “I think you got it right the first time.”

“Does—” Robin realizes even as she starts saying it that she may be making a mistake, but she can’t stop now. “Does Jonathan know?”

Nancy shakes her head again. “No, and he’s not going to. That’s . . . how I knew I couldn’t go through with it. The thought of telling him, of—of having to have a serious conversation with him about what we were going to do, I just—I couldn’t.” She stares out across Robin’s living room, as if pretending Robin isn’t sitting right next to her will make any of this easier to say. “And I don’t just mean I couldn’t talk to him about it, I mean I don’t want to. I don’t want to make that decision with him, and I don’t want that life with him. Maybe not with anyone, but definitely not with him.” Finally, she picks up her untouched glass and takes a swallow, grimacing. “I told him I couldn’t see him anymore.”

Robin stares at her. This is classic Nancy Wheeler, burying the lede twice over. “You broke up?”

“Suddenly it just seemed so obvious,” Nancy says simply, and she seems almost relieved to be saying it. “It was like confronting the possibility of having a child with him—getting married and buying a house—just made it unbelievably clear how much I don’t want any of that. For such a long time, I’ve been telling myself—maybe when the time’s right, I’ll want those things, but having that life with him is never going to feel right for me. And once I realized that, I just . . . I couldn’t even sleep in the same bed with him.” She takes another swallow of her drink, and then her glass is empty. “I guess I’ll need to start looking for a new place.”

“You can stay here,” Robin says, without hesitation. “If you want.”

“You’re sure?” Nancy asks, turning to look at her for the first time with such a tentative expression that Robin wonders if Nancy was expecting Robin to hate her—if Nancy doesn’t know that nothing she could do could ever make Robin turn her back on her.

“Of course.” Robin bumps their shoulders together again, and this time neither of them quite pulls away. Nancy is warm against her, and all Robin wants to do is draw her into her arms and never let go, so that’s what she does.

On Friday, she holds Nancy’s hand in the cool white quiet of the clinic, and she keeps holding her hand for as long as Nancy needs.

[tooktheladdedgbtq]

....and the Oscar goes to.. | Tom Holland X Male!actor reader. 

A/N: this was just something I wrote because I got inspired I guess. Happy Pride everyone!

——————————————

You couldn’t decide whether time was slipping through your fingers too quickly or if this had been the longest night you’d ever experienced.

seconds slowed to a crawl while you tried to gather yourself before it was your turn to take the stage. You were nervous. Not about being at the oscars or presenting for the first time. Not even about being nominated for your leading role in the second installment of a critically acclaimed trilogy. No, you’d been used to these sorts of things, you’d been an actor since you were a very young kid. Starting on television before film, and you even got to hold the Emmy the show had won when you had just turned a teenager.

No, you were nervous about who exactly you’d be presenting to. Of the five nominees and potential winners, only one could cause such an intensive feeling in your chest. Only one could awaken a sense of dread that battled with a feeling of intensive happiness mixed with anticipation, and it was Tom.

You’d known each other for years and had come to fall in love. You’d met as young co-stars on set and eventually grew into an inseparable friendship that progressed into something far more. Neither of you were sure when the feelings started but it felt like they’d always been there and you weren’t exactly complaining.

Your blissfulness with Tom was beautiful but short lived. After almost a year of being official you both agreed to take a break from the relationship. Unbeknownst to Tom you were just agreeing to save face and hadn’t pried for an answer out of fear of being hurt. You just accepted that this was how things were now, and took a step back.

You’d still kept in contact with him. It was hard not to. He was still your best friend. But whether it was the business of work or something a little more awkward, distance grew between you both as the multi-hour long facetime calls and text threads became once-a-week check-ins to just make sure you were alive and okay.

Time had passed, and you didn’t have a clue what you could possibly say to him now. You certainly didn’t want to ruin his special night. But you’d missed him so much and felt like you would implode at the first sign that he’d be interested in getting back together with you. But you also didn’t want to seem desperate or needy if he’d moved on. You didn’t want to slip and say those three words again in the moment.

Father time showed you no mercy as the sand in his hourglass suddenly shifted from a slow-motion drip to a flood. The seconds you’d spent daydreaming of your past with Tom and pondering about the your potential future had passed and left you with little time to gather yourself before presenting. still you shook your hands, arms, and lastly shoulders, putting all your worries aside and waited for introduction from the host.

Before long you’d been counted in to walking on stage, and heard the host over the microphone. “Ladies and Gentlemen, to present the award and introduce the nominees for Best Supporting Actor, please welcome one of this year’s nominees and one of our generation’s greatest talents: Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

The applause erupts from the audience like a revved up engine as you took center but it was nothing compared to the standing ovation you’d receive later on that night when receiving your own award for Best Actor.

You were stood promptly center staged with the towering Oscar statue reflecting onto the black stage floor beneath your feet. Your outfit was alluring and would surely be the next hot topic which is rare for male stars. You looked like a million bucks. Everyone knew it, most of all, Tom.

You smile and wave as you approach the microphone, your teeth shining a blinding white, and wait for a hush from the crowd.

You chuckle lightly as a few hoots and hollers sound out as the cheers subside.

You eye the monitor across the room and start to read, your nerves dying down as your jokes land and laughter echoes around the room.

As you finish the introduction, clips start to show behind you to accompany the names of the nominees as the cameras catch a glimpse of each of their reactions.

You couldn’t help but notice how tough the competition was as each actor was called. Steven Yuen playing a detective in a thrilling murder mystery. John David Washington in a fictional film playing the world’s first black astronaut aiding in the discovery of lovecraftian horrors. Andrew Garfield for his role as a psychotic narcissist and genius businessman. Oscar Issac acting in a sci fi space opera asking questions of existentialism.

Finally, you had to withhold your smile as you called out the last name. He had returned to his Billy Elliot roots being nominated for his role in a astonishing musical romance film. “Tom Holland.” You’d been ecstatic when he’d told you about it as you’d always recommend he tried it again since it made him so happy in his younger years.

You spot him a few rows from the stage, making eye contact with him and wondering if he was thinking about you the way you had done with him earlier. You couldn’t help but notice him squirming in his chair and fidgeting with his hands. Selfishly asking yourself if this wasn’t just about the award but about having you present it to him.

Seeing you here after what felt like an eternity apart and your reunion potentially being the greatest achievement of both your careers. Making it the greatest night of your lives, that is, if you were still together. But you were still best friends. That’s what mattered. So you push your self centered thoughts aside and shoot him a small wave that he returns with a smile and thumbs up. letting you know he was okay and that you could continue as the camera pans back to you capturing your not so hidden giddiness.

This awarded some small oos and aahs from the crowd as your relationship with him had been a wholly celebrated one. especially among your marvel peers.

You’re handed an envelope and statue as the music ends and the applause dies down and you take one final glare into the camera before beginning to open the envelope.

“....and the Oscar goes to,” you take a peek at the crowd and see some of the nominees holding hands with loved ones. others plainly

awaiting your next words with bated breath. The anticipation shone on everyone’s faces. Even those that weren’t nominated. Your not-so-hidden grin giving away the answer mere milliseconds before his name escaped your lips. “Tom Holland!”

Tom shot up with a shared expression of shock and happiness on his face. Pecking his mother on the cheek as she wipes the tears of pride from her eyes. His best mate Harrison gives him a quick embrace and a pat on the back before he moves on to shake hands with the director and smile at everyone cheering him on as he gradually moves toward the stage still completely baffled at the victory.

As he walks towards you in his pink pastel colored suit and brown leather dress shoes you can’t help but swell with an overwhelming feeling of joy having been here to share this career defining moment with him. You thought about how far you’d both come to get here and almost started tearing up remembering all you’d been through together.

He skipped up the miniature steps and blanketed you with both arms. You didn’t want it to end as you hadn’t felt it in a while. You threw your arms around his neck and he tightens his hold around your torso. Before you could even process them, your blunt thoughts spill out as whispers.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you. you deserve this and so much more.” you hear a small chuckle escape him as he responds. “I am trying not to cry y’know mate?” a wolf whistle comes from the crowd as you apologize for being so sappy and before he can tell you off for it you hand him his award and shove him off toward the microphone.

As he takes center stage you stand off to the side to watch him give his acceptance speech. He pauses and takes a second to gather himself before he starts talking straight from his heart with nothing prepared.

“Um, Wow. I really can’t believe this is really happening and I probably still won’t believe it happened tomorrow. Just.. wow.” his words were filled with that charmingly British accent you’d come to love so much.

“First I would like to thank my mother, without whom of course, I would not be here. I would like to thank the academy and everyone who worked on this movie from the producers and camera men, make-up and costumes, to our wonderful writers, composer, back up dancers and vocalists, and of course my friends, my co-star and the director Damien Chazelle.” whom he gestures to sitting in the second row. “I share this with all of you and I can’t thank you enough for awarding me with the opportunity to create something I love so much.”

He thanks the other nominees before turns towards you to end his speech. you felt your heart in your hands when you saw his big brown puppy eyes dart in your direction with an intensive glare of admiration.

“last but most importantly, I want to thank the inspiration for all of the love songs I sung in the film and the reason I decided to take the role. The person standing here on my right.”

Your jaw drops and your eyes widen when his words hit you like a speeding semi. you realize that he’d just called you his muse in so many words. the inspiration behind the love songs in the film no less. Meaning that with every lovestruck note his character sung he was reminded of you. All that time spent worrying if the distance between you two would cause him to forget about you, or if he’d maybe moved on and found somebody else. But no such thing had happened. He was relating his character’s longing in the film to his longing for you this entire time and that made your heart do a backflip.

You blush and cover your still ajar mouth with your fist whilst trying not to pay attention to the crowd who’s attention was fully focused on you.

He takes a deep sigh before continuing. “Y/N you’re not only the reason I took this role, but you’re the reason I was able to play it with such sincerity. You’ve been a unwavering beacon of support throughout my career in general but here you really gave me the inspiration for something special. He faces the audience again as the all follow his words with whispers of how adorable you both were. “from reading lines together in the middle of the night, to keeping me company when i’m on the brink of a meltdown.” It was all true and it only made you miss you relationship more and you found it difficult to hold back your tears.

“Y/N is the kind of best friend everybody needs, the kind of partner everybody deserves, and the person I’m so incredibly lucky to have known for so long. ..and I still can’t believe he never figured out the lyrics were all about him, It was kind of obvious-” the audience laughed you’re so close to swooning as he turns toward you again. “But, with all my heart, I love you, Y/N. Always will.” you feel as if you’re floating.

He shifts to the crowd one last time to say a final thank you before you both walk off stage one arm around one another’s shoulders. You have a short but sweet conversation backstage with him where reassures you that everything he said on stage was true and completely unscripted. He wants to talk more but knows your category is coming soon so he asks for a later opportunity and you agree before returning to your seat in the crowd.

The rest of the night flew by with you winning the award for best actor and receiving the biggest applause of the night. Tom joined in the standing ovation. You thanked everybody involved in making the film, the academy, and squeezed a little joke directed towards Tom that garnered a shared laugh from both him and the audience. You were the last award of the night and after the celebrations it was time to return to your place, where Tom was waiting for you. Wanting to talk about everything that had happened not just tonight but everything leading up to it. He also hoped you’d kept a spot open in your heart for him to return to.

[spockandawe]

I cannot for love or money let go of the idea that like... I don’t think Lan Wangji canonically was sleeping with Jiang Cheng while Wei Wuxian was dead. But I’m enthralled how easy it would be to slot that into place in the story. And my favorite part of Jiang Cheng is how messily he’s emotionally imploding in the story present, and the big reason I would argue why lan wangji/jiang cheng didn’t actually happen is because I think the present would have been so much messier, but... that’s also exactly why I’m so delighted by the idea of just. Slipping it in there and seeing just how much hotter this dumpster fire can get.

Like, Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji are both MESSES in their own ways in this story. Jiang Cheng’s turmoil is loud and obvious, while Lan Wangji’s is a lot more self-contained (I was hit harder than I expected by lan xichen’s callout where he was like ‘IT WAS SO OBVIOUS HOW HE FELT’ and wei wuxian just completely blacked out that couple of days, and he’s been fake-flirting with lan wangji while lan wangji thinks he knows exactly how he feels and is so gentle despite how from his pov wei wuxian has been pretty darn cruel and AUGH). But also, I just got my heart broken by the way the main story ended on the note of Jiang Cheng failing to tell Wei Wuxian that he didn’t go back to Lotus Pier to get his parents’ bodies, he went back because he drew the attention of the Wen soldiers to protect Wei Wuxian, and I’m gonna CRY.

Jiang Cheng is a fragile, brittle mess on the whole, and while I wouldn’t say that he’s hungry for love in general, he’s desperate for approval from His People (and since his parents have both failed him hard on that count and his sect was effectively exterminated, that adds up to wwx and jyl). And when Wei Wuxian dies, he’s left horribly wounded over losing everyone he’s ever loved, blaming Wei Wuxian for it, blaming Wei Wuxian to break his promise to stay by his side, and, very importantly, blaming himself for not being enough to protect and/or keep the people he loves. I don’t want to rehash his whole arc, but these are critical character notes.

And if a horrible, grief-stricken, ill-considered affair between Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng, possibly even a long-running (if irregular) affair, I think... I think they would hurt each other too much for it to be healthy, or for it to be a relationship-relationship. But they’re both overflowing with emotional wounds, and Lan Wangji is observant, and even if he gives Jiang Cheng less to work with, Jiang Cheng is real good at spamming attacks until he finds something that hurts. Knowing each other’s weak spots so that you can hurt each other isn’t a healthy kind of intimacy, but it’s still a kind of intimacy. And in general, I also feel like Jiang Cheng would be pretty awful at keeping as much internal emotional distance as he intends in their not-relationship. I’m not going to write this essay right now, but I’ve got thoughts about this.

But, where I’m headed. Is the present day. Where Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng are still desperately, hopelessly hunting for any hint of Wei Wuxian, and understanding each other and spending more time near each other than they want(?) because of that shared goal.

And then Wei Wuxian comes back. And Wei Wuxian chooses Lan Wangji.

The POTENTIAL of this implosion!!! I don’t want to undervalue what we get in canon, because canon DELIGHTS me. But just imagine the doubled blow, when Jiang Cheng is abruptly ditched by the two people who understand him the best, who each had.... in theory some kind of connection with him. He melts down terribly just over Wei Wuxian still being alive, and i don’t think it’s even possible to untangle how much anger is thanks to how he wants to hate Wei Wuxian vs how much is being upset over Wei Wuxian choosing someone else, again. But what if we add, simultaneously, more of a meltdown because his not-boyfriend has ditched their not-relationship without a backwards glance, and he stole Wei Wuxian when he knows how much this means to Jiang Cheng, and that reluctant/resentful intimacy between them taking an abrupt turn into a mutual jealous mistrust, and they could be such a tag-team if they trusted each other enough to share, or were forced to share early. But Lan Wangji got the first opening and he took it, and neither of them is certain enough of Wei Wuxian’s love to even consider sharing after that imbalance is in place.

Part of what fascinates me is because Jiang Cheng is already doing Not Great for a lot of canon, and I just. I want to add more fuel to the fire. As far as canon goes, he got hit with that Complete Abandonment truck way back in the past, and has had time to cope and push some of those issues down. So...... what if we hit him with the truck again, and he’s taken super off-guard, because it wasn’t supposed to be possible again, but, you know, your brother rises from the dead and two seconds later your not-boyfriend elopes with him, it’s a little hard to predict things like that. I want more reasons for him to be upset with Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, and himself. I want extra concern from Jin Ling as he watches Jiang Cheng refuse to admit that anything is wrong. I’m assuming that Lan Wangji would be prepared to keep this secret until he died, but that Jiang Cheng would 1000% spill the beans in his meltdown at Lotus Pier (oh my god, the ways that would flavor the first wangxian sex scene, holy shit), and that Jiang Cheng would be an extra messy wreck when he shows up at the guanyin temple

And also, I very much want a scene where Lan Wangji tries to reassure Wei Wuxian that yes, okay, he slept with Jiang Wanyin, but don’t worry, it didn’t mean anything, and Wei Wuxian is upset because ‘hold on, you slept with him and it didn’t mean anything? Lan Zhan, how could you? he’s very sensitive!! :(’

[jadedxrealityw]

-Rush- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader

♡~🐍~♡

  Summary: After a failed relationship you and Draco lost contact only to be reconnected when you take a job at the Ministry Of Magic. Emotions begin to resurface as you both realize that even after all the time that has passed you still both are deeply in love with each other

  Kody: The song this image is based off of. Lewis Capaldi - Rush ft. Jessie Reyez. I also changed the backstory for a couple of characters, mostly about what happened after the wizarding war.  

  Year: out of school

  House: Gryffindor (out of school)

  Possible Triggers/Warnings: fat angst, cursing, lowkey toxic Draco

  ♡~🐍~♡

   high school sweethearts, that was what you were. What you used to be.

   it was a normal day when Draco said he wanted to end things, going on a whole rant about how you weren’t safe with him and you deserved so much more than what a death eater could bring you. Despite all of your reassurances that you would take the risk his mind was made up.

   his parents were pressuring him to give you up. His father repeating that no son of his would date some Gryffindor half blood, but you were much more than that to him. You shared his passions and interests, listened to him when he needed a ear to talk off about Alchemy or offered your shoulder to cry on.

   it was the one thing he stood his ground for. You. One night while he was quietly, but with haste packing clothes into a small trunk because he was planning on apparating to your house and run away with you his aunt Bellatrix had caught him in the act.

   she, in a very threatening tone told her nephew that the dark lord knew of his little Gryffindor girlfriend and if he wanted to see you unharmed he would be a good boy and listen to orders when he’s given them. His whole world came crashing down. He could take the chance and run with you anyway. He really wanted to.

   but then you would never live a comfortable life. Being on the run constantly was not what he planned when he gave you a silver ring when you were both 15 with a promise he would replace it with a wedding band in the future. Now he would never get to see you walk down the aisle. 

   so he distanced himself from you as much as he could until the breakup, so it wouldn’t hurt as much. It still did.

    ‘The space between where our ends meet, Has grown too much for me to block it out’

   you left his dorm that day in tears. His body almost leaped forward to chase after you, but his mind knew better. If losing you meant he could protect you from the dangers his life brought as a Malfoy, then by all means. He had to let you go. Doesn’t mean it was easy.

   he never really saw you again after that. He chalked it up to his mind blocking you out if you ever were in his line of sight, like some sort of defense his brain put up to avoid any more hurt. Once the ‘final battle’ came around he decided that he wouldn’t let his father control his life anymore.

   he aided the golden trio by tossing his wand to Harry once he fell out of Hagrid’s arms and with that it was over instantly. His mother and him were charged for war crimes, but Hermione and Harry ended up speaking on their behalves and all charges were dropped.

   his father was sent to Azkaban for the rest of his days and for once Draco felt at peace with his father being so far away, no longer having the ability to control him. Harry almost immediately got a job at the ‘Ministry Of Magic’ as well as Hermione. 

   after a few months Harry had talked Draco up enough to his superiors to get him a position in the  ‘Department of Magical Law Enforcement’ as a Auror. He felt strange working with Harry Potter after all the years of bullying, but they got along really well when they cooperated.

    ♡~🐍~♡

   1 year later

   “Hey, can we talk to you for a bit?” Draco looks up from his papers that lied on his desk. Hermione Granger and Harry Potter stood at the entrance of his office, looking visibly uncomfortable. He had a feeling this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation.

   he set the pen down on the desk before gesturing to the seats in front of said desk. Hermione put on a sweet smile as she took a seat, Harry following. “So i’m sure you heard our department is hiring another Auror since were shoftstafed” Draco nods slowly. He actually heard about it yesterday before he left.

   “Yeah so, we overheard a conversation this morning about who it was and we wanted o tell you in advance” Harry explained. Draco’s brow went up in slight confusion. Warn him? What in hell did that mean? “Warn me” he repeated and Hermione nods.

   a sympathetic smile played on her soft complexion. “It’s Y/n. Y/n L/n” Draco’s body tensed up instantly. Of course the universe would punish him like this. Waving the love of his life in his face after he broke her heart. How spiteful. “Oh” he simply said, before leaning back into his chair. 

   all business professionalism drained from his body in an instant “Fuck” he cursed under his breath “You still care about her, don’t you?” Hermione questioned. He just nodded before letting out a deep sigh and standing up from his chair “I’m quitting”

   both ex Gryffindors shot up from there seats “You can’t quit Draco, that’s a highly irrational reaction!” Hermione sputters as he collects his coat from the back of his black swivel chair. “You wouldn’t understand, Granger” he slipped his arms through both sleeves.

    “Draco!-” Harry started, but didn’t get another word in as Draco opened his office door. As soon as the door swung open he felt a head collide with his chest. He could practically hear their heartbeat race in embarrassment “Oh Merlin, i apologize!” the voice. That voice laughed nervously. 

   ‘I miss the tone of your heartbeat. It's such a warming and familiar sound’

   the person backed away and he felt as if he could collapse right then and there. “Draco?” you said. ‘No, please don’t say my name’ he thought. A smile grew on your face “What a funny coincidence. seeing you here. How’ve you been?”

   his eyes mapped your body, not in a sexual way. Just noting the small changes that occured over a year and a half. You kept your hair the same length, as well as your taste in clothing. Your face was a bit more matured, but still held it’s natural beauty.

   the way you spoke to him made his heart twinge. It was so friendly. Of course it was friendly, but he still hated it. “I’ve been quite alright. You?” he questions. “I’m great, couldn’t be better really.” you shrug your shoulders. His heart tugged violently.

   better. Couldn’t be better. In his mind when the word better came up he imagined being married to you already and living a comfortable, wealthy life. But no, he was here. He forced a half smile on his face “That’s good to hear. Now i must get going. I hope you're finding the power. To help you make it through the darker days”

   he walked past her and as soon as he was out of sight, sped walked to the nearest bathrooms. He locked the door before leaning against it. He slowly slid down until he sat down on the tile floor. It was gross, but he didn’t care at the moment.

   how was he going to work here with you around. It felt as if the air was being violently sucked from his lungs. Was this what Granger called a panic attack? or was his body finally giving up on him. He would be perfectly fine with whatever option at this stage.

   as he stared up at the ceiling, a bitter laugh left his throat “For now, I wait by the hour. If you wanna take somebody's breath away”

    ♡~🐍~♡

   It had been two weeks and Draco felt as if he was going to implode. You were so happy and cheerful and- and- joyful. he just couldn’t understand how you weren’t as broken up as he was or maybe he wanted someone to share his pain. How pathetic was that?

   now here he was. At some boring gala the Ministry was holding. Something about celebrating a new generation or along those lines. Draco couldn’t be bothered to care about details. He took another sip of wine from his glass hoping to get buzzed enough to fly through this boring affair.

   he looks up to see multiple pairs of eyes on him. Wait- not him. Behind him. He slowly turns around as it met with the most breathtaking sight he could ever see. You strolled through the entrance wearing a no strap long lace dress. He swore his heart skipped a couple beats.

   you looked like a princess ready to be whisked away, but you weren’t his to whisk anymore were you? Draco’s jaw locked in place before he looked back down at the wine in his hand. He places it down on a nearby table. “Merlin, you look absolutely stunning Ms. L/n!”

   Granger. “Are you alright?” a male voice asked. Potter. If Weasley showed up, he was going to have an aneurysm on the spot. Draco simply exhaled deeply “I suppose so. I don’t think my mind is processing the fact the she isn’t mine anymore though. So there’s that”

   Harry looked at Draco, studying his facial expressions. It was strange to see him so emotional “If you don’t mind me asking, how long were you two together?” he was treading on thin ice, he knew that. “Long enough for it to hurt this bad”

    ♡~🐍~♡

   and with that. Draco walked away from the chosen one and spent a good twenty minutes talking to random superiors and wealthy couples. It was only when he came from the bathroom he heard your voice for the first time that night.

   “Oh thank you!” you spoke in a enthusiastic voice. Draco stopped mid step and leaned against the wall. Now he was eavesdropping? How pathetic of him. “So Y/n, we heard you used to date Draco Malfoy. Is that true?” a unfamiliar voice asked.

   he inhaled sharply. “Um yes, yes i did” you spoke. You sounded uncomfortable with that question. How dare they pry on your love life? They had no right “So what was he like? Did he cheat on you? Was he a bad boyfriend? I bet he was” his fist clenched at his side.

   Draco wasn’t the nicest person. He knew that, but he showed you as much love and affection his body could produce. He loved you! Hell, he still loved you. You seem to sputter “Uh-” he couldn’t listen to this. He walked out of the small hallway, surprising you and the unfamiliar coworker.

   he needed some fresh air. Now. He pushes through a couple of people with a cold stare. He walks down a couple steps of stairs and hes out the front doors. The cold crisp air hits his face and he felt as if he could breathe again. He reaches up and slicks his platinum hair back.

   a repeated clicking noise could be heard behind him, getting closer. Shoes. No. Heels actually. “Draco” you spoke. He turns around quickly and watches as you step off the concrete and into the grass, holding your dress up from the ground.

   why did he feel so angry? Could it be because you didn’t deny his claims? or something else? “Go away L/n” he spoke harshly. He could see your face turn to one of confusion before a stern look took over “No, your clearly upset so i’m not leaving” 

   still so stubborn. “Are you upset because they asked me about us? If you don’t want anyone to know i promise i won’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation” you said, which only angered him more. How could you be so stupid? 

   “I don’t give a damn if anyone knows about us! You didn’t deny it Y/n! They said such horrible things about me and you just stood there like they were right! Are you fucking serious?! I loved you with everything i had and you act like as if i was the monster!” Draco’s voice boomed, you look positively frightened.

   until you didn’t Then you looked angry “You broke up with me you stupid git! You left me alone and scared while the whole war was going on! So yeah Draco i’m fucking bitter! Screw you! What happened, you were so accepting of me when we first saw each other. You hoped i was well!”

   you were right, he knew that, but he wasn’t done yelling. All of this thought were just rolling off of him in the worst way. You looked disappointed in him. It reminded him of the last time he spoke to you at Hogwarts, but with less crying and more anger.

   “I hoped?! You want to know what i hope!?  I hope you're lonely, hope you're lost 'cause I've been. I'd hate to think you're better off without me  I know we tried to hold on. But where do you go. When love, it just ain't enough?” he spoke, anger leaving him and being replaced with dread and sorrow.

   but he wasn’t done. “Now does it kill you when you think about me? Were you as close to giving up as I've been? I know we kept losing touch. Got lost in the rush...” he sighed deeply, trailing off at the end of his sentence. All his worst thoughts had spilled out of him like a tidal wave.

   you looked shocked and hurt? Maybe he was reading your expression wrong. He couldn’t bare to look at your face. Gulping, he adjusted his tie and turned away to walk off in shame “I pray you don't hurt too much” he chose as his parting words.

   “I don't come close to an angel”

   he stopped. A shuffling sound of fabric heard as you made your way in front of him, jabbing a finger at his chest “You ain't never been no kind of saint” you narrowed your E/c eyes at him. He looked down at you in shame. You removed your finger and stepped back once.

   a bitter laugh forced its way out of you. “But when we both came together. Hell to heaven, you were my escape. But fires don't burn forever and all these ashes crumble when we touch. We danced to death in the fire. What can we do now that the music's done, my love?” 

   his grey eyes went wide. My love? A small feeling of hope bloomed within his chest. You did still care about him. He was your only love and would always be, but you had both been forced apart. Draco was foolish for thinking you had ever lost feelings for the Malfoy.

   now to give him a taste of his own medicine. “I hope you're lonely, hope you're lost 'cause I've been. I'd hate to think you're better off without me. I know we tried to hold on. But where do you go, When love, it just ain't enough? Now, does it kill you when you think about me?”

   you threw your hands up in the air. He could spot tears in your eyes, making him start to choke up as well. That was always his weakness, you crying. “Were you as close to giving up as I've been? I know we kept losing touch. Got lost in the rush. I pray you don't hurt too much” you look down.

   ‘Well, we had it all and we let it fall, But I hope you find whatever you were looking for’

   Draco stepped into you and reaches down to grab your hand “Y/n. During the war i packed a bag in the middle of the night. I was ready to leave my family and run away with you. I wanted nothing more then to pend the rest of my life with you” his thumb caressed the skin of your hand.

   you look up from your heels and met his gaze with teary eyes “Why didn’t you?” you spoke. He smiled sadly, using his other hand to cup your cheek. “My aunt. Bellatrix caught me. The dark lord had found out about you somehow and if i wanted to keep you safe i had to let you go.”

   “The day i broke up with you haunts me in my nightmares. I wanted so badly to reach out and grab you, but love- Y/n you weren’t safe with me.” tears finally escaped his eyes, running down his pale face. You used your hand to hit his chest “I told you i didn’t care Draco”

   he nods, sniffling “I know darling, i should have stuck by your side no matter what, but even the thought of any harm coming to you was to much for me to bare” he let go of your hand. Now he was cradling your face. “I feel as though i am too late” 

   you reach into the top part of your dress and pull out the hidden part of a silver necklace you wore. The silver ring he gave you was at the end of the chain. He felt his heart explode. “You kept it? after all this time. Why?” he asked. You roll your eyes “because i still love you, you foolish boy!”

   Draco was at a loss of words. Unable to speak, he grabbed your face and your lips collided with his in a passionate kiss. It was very sloppy, but showed how much you both missed each other. It made up the amount of time that had passed since you felt each other.

   your the first to pull away from the heated exchange “You better not leave me again Draco” you spoke in a stern tone which made him smile “I wouldn’t dream of it my love. Now, let’s get out of here. There is so much more i want to do with you” his tone became playful as a smirk played on his face.

   your face flushes slightly, but you nod slowly. He holds onto you as you both apparate away to merlin knows where. High school sweethearts, that was what you were. What you used to be. What you got to be again.

    ♡~🐍~♡

   Kody: i- i cried writing this. What a pussy am i right. By the way my inbox is like being a wack ass hoe and not telling me when i get messages so like sorry if you’ve requested something and it hasn’t been posted. (I was also in a depressed state for a bit but whatevs) Anyways, peace!

[loisroo]

This is more or less just be me word vomiting my feelings but here we go:

So I finished my second watch through of Beyond Evil and I recommend watching it again to anyone who has seen the show! It feels so different the second time around, the emotions feel even more intense. I think for me the first time around I was engrossed by the plot twists and characters and I don’t speak Korean so I had to rewatch some subtitles at times. It was magnificent to experience but damn there was a lot to process.

The second time through I knew exactly what was happening so some of the actions that seemed innocent before were fucking diabolical now, the scenes that certain characters participated in are so much more…evil now. Everything just feels different!! Then I just started noticing the feelings.

The last two episodes were so sad and I felt for Han Juwon and Lee Dongsik but watching those episodes a second time around… I cried.

To see Han Juwon understanding and empathizing with Lee Dongsik when he realizes that his father’s “small mistake” had ruined Lee Dongsik’s whole life- everyone and everything around him imploded at a young age. His father covered up, paid off people, and worked with the other two idiots to hide Yooyeon’s death so he could be a fucking commissioner in the future. And he knew Lee Dongsik would try to break the law to finally get Yooyeon’s killer and then Han Gihwan would just win again and Lee Dongsik’s life would be over.

I’m an angst lover and to see Han Juwon saying he will go to hell. That he will atone and then the scenes after where he runs into that stupid house in place of Lee Dongsik. Lee DongSik recognizing something was off and then rushing to figure it out. Just GAHHH.

The look of shock on Lee Dongsik’s face when Han Juwon shoots the gun and points it at his father. Like “fuck this kid is serious.”

For Lee Dongsik to turn himself in- TO TURN HIMSELF IN!!! He kept his promise because he wants to be held accountable for his actions, he doesn’t want to be like the commissioner, he wants to be like Han Juwon. (I’m not crying, you’re crying)

The last hand scene… gawww. I got to watch their face more and the emotions behind it. Han Juwon looks so lost, that this man kept his promise and is holding himself accountable the way Han Juwon’s father never would have and I just have ALL THE FEELS.

This show is ruining my life all over again. A second rewatch was the best idea and I regret nothing! Just gonna sit here in my feels for the rest of the day.

[im-just-a-random-fandom-girl]

You know what I want?

Domestic Stucky. In Westview. Hear me out.

(First of all, Endg*me can go fuck itself. Steve’s whole thing? Never happened. Forget about it. Wipe if from your mind. We’re rewriting that shit.)

(Also, this isn’t a fic even though I know it starts out looking like one lol. This is just stream of consciousness thoughts. I would put way more effort into actual writing)

The weeks after the final snap were hard. 

Bucky was back, and it felt like every weight that had been dragging Steve down for the past 5 years was lifted. He was mentally and physically exhausted, but his soulmate, his best friend, was at his side again, pulling him into a warm hug, tight and breathtaking. 

It was still hard; Steve was a very different man than he had been 5 years ago, but Bucky was calm and understanding. There was still much to mourn for, too. Tony and Nat were gone. Any sense of stability that had been established during those 5 years was immediately destroyed, and Steve was sure it would take many more years to try to fix the damage.

And Wanda. When Wanda was snapped back into existence, her grief was palpable. What had been 5 terrible years for him had been 5 minutes of bliss for her, relief that she wouldn’t have to try to live in a world without Vision. Steve knew the feeling. Even though he didn’t quite understand Wanda and Vision’s relationship (he was a robot?), he can’t really judge because he’s been pining after his childhood best friend for the better part of a century and still hasn’t managed to do anything about it.

To be brought back to life was the worst trick you could play on Wanda. Her sense of peace was snatched away from her and she was throttled back into a world that had nothing in it for her. Everyone she loved was dead. Her powers still deemed her a threat, even if she had played a crucial role in the fight against Thanos.

Steve wanted to be selfish and just run away with Bucky, but he couldn’t leave Wanda, who had become the little sister he never had.

He worried about her. Even as those who had been snapped away started to come to terms with the fact that 5 years had passed, Wanda wandered around, just a shell of her former self. Sometimes she fell into fits of rage and despair, using her powers to smash everything in her room at the compound or snapping at anyone who tried to distract her. Most of the time she was just blank.

Just a month after the return from the blip, Wanda strolls into the kitchen and announces that she’s going to S.W.O.R.D. headquarters. Steve’s head snaps up. Her eyes are hard and determined, and Steve belatedly realizes that every muscle in her body is tense as she readies herself to fight anyone who tries to stop her. Sam is the first to speak up.

“Okay, kid,” he breathes out nonchalantly, “you need anyone to go with you?” Sam is good like that. Always knowing what to say to make someone feel comfortable and cared about, but not coddled.

“No,” Wanda grits out. A breath, and then, softer, “thank you.”

Glancing around to see if anyone else had any objections, Wanda walks out of the compound.

Steve lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he was still holding, but the room is still tense. He whips around to Bucky, eyes wide with concern.

Before he can even say anything, Bucky reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry. Come on, we’ll watch out for her.”

So, with a tight smile, Steve stands up and lets Bucky lead the two of them out.

It’s not until they are halfway down the street in an inconspicuous car, trailing a little ways behind Wanda’s red sedan that it occurs to Steve to ask what they’re doing.

“We’re just going to follow her to make sure she’s alright, pal. S.W.O.R.D. has Vision’s body, and it’s not a good idea for her to be alone, even if she thinks it’s best.”

“She’ll be mad if she realizes what we’re doing.”

“Good thing one of us is a reformed Russian spy,” he smirks.

Steve’s heart skips a beat at that familiar face, one that he hadn’t thought he’d ever see again, and blushes, ducking his head. If Bucky notices, he doesn’t say. They carry on in a comfortable silence.

As they pull into the S.W.O.R.D. parking lot, Steve watches Wanda march into the headquarters. He turns to Bucky, "Are we going to follow her in?"

"You can't, that's for sure." Steve scowls. "It's not entirely your fault, pal, but you're don't exactly blend in easily. But I'll go in to keep an eye on her if you want me to."

Steve considers the offer for the moment. As much as he wanted to watch out for Wanda, he knew that if she found out, it would hurt her more. She would think that he didn't trust her, and that he was following her to make sure that she didn't lose control of her powers and hurt people. He didn't want to make her feel more ostracized than she already was.

"No, we'll just wait," he says, shaking his head. His eyes never leave the entrance to S.W.O.R.D. headquarters. 

The wait for Wanda feels excruciatingly long. Steve doesn't trust that S.W.O.R.D. is any better than S.H.I.E.L.D., and he honestly has no idea what they've been doing with Vision's body for the last 5 years. A renewed sense of guilt washes over him.  If he had tried to fight S.W.O.R.D. harder for Vision's body, Wanda wouldn't be here, fighting through her grief to see him one last time. After the snap, Steve didn't feel like he could waste his dwindling energy scrutinizing S.W.O.R.D's every move, but he now wishes he had. He could have spared her this pain. 

Sensing the anxiety bubbling up within him, Bucky reaches out, pulling Steve's hand into his own. "It's not your fault, Steve," he reminds him gently. Steve squeezes his hand in response.

Wanda walks out of S.W.O.R.D. headquarters 20 minutes later. She seems drained and tired, but her expression reveals nothing. They wait again before following her out of the lot.

When she turns right, away from the direction of the compound where he assumed she would return, Steve frowns. "Where is she going? The compound's the other way."

Bucky shrugs. "I guess we'll see."

Steve has no idea where they are until he sees a sign declaring "Welcome to New Jersey!" not far down the highway.

"What the hell is she going to Jersey for?" Bucky gasps, pulling a loud laugh from Steve's chest. It's absurd and ridiculous, but it reminds Steve of when they were kids in Brooklyn, shitting on the Yankees and the state's annoying accent, among the plethora of other abhorrent traits about New Jersey. Bucky starts laughing with him, shaking his head. 

They finally arrive in a small, run-down town called Westview. Steve can't imagine why Wanda would come here.

Her red sedan comes to a stop in front of an empty plot of land, and she steps out, clutching a folded piece of paper to her chest.

"Oh, Christ... Shit," Bucky mutters. Steve is about to ask what he's thinking when he finally sees Wanda's walls crumble. 

Her shoulders shake with the force of her sobs, and she falls to her knees with a cry of desperation. A red orb of her twists around her body and Steve shoves the door to the car open, desperate to get to Wanda. 

"Steve!" he hears Bucky cry out behind him, and it's the last thing he hears before Wanda's powers implode around her, and his vision is blotted with red.

Remember! Wanda made all of her characters in the hex as similar to their actual lives as possible to ease her control of them! SO, it's only natural that her powers would pick up on the fact that Steve and Bucky are very obviously pining for each other and put them in a loving relationship while they are in the hex. Since they are both under Wanda's control, their storyline would happen mostly independently from what we see in WandaVision. I wouldn't have there be any smut (since I'm not talented enough or comfortable writing it myself) so there wouldn't be any non-con or any serious dub-con while they are in the hex. The idea is that both of them want everything that they are made to do (be partners, hold hands, kiss, do other couple-y stuff), but they are concerned because they think the other would feel disgusted and not want it.

There unfortunately were not any gay characters on TV in the 50s and 60s, so I would write these two "episodes" with loose ties to other sitcoms from those decades and do some research into how gay couples lived during these time periods. Basically, reimagine my own 50s and 60s sitcoms with realistic portrayals of a gay couple.

For the other decades, I would then base their relationship off of those actually depicted in sitcoms from that time. 

It should be noted that, while I have actually watch a lot of old sitcoms, I haven't watched many of the ones I mention. If I every decide to write this, I would do a lot more research on these shows (and watch some episodes!)

70's - I would likely draw from Barney Miller, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman, and Soap.

80's - Roseanne is pretty iconic, but I would be a little hesitant to write it after all of the controversy a couple years ago. Love, Sidney may also work, but I don't know enough about the show.

90's - Will & Grace, of course! I don't know anything about Northern Exposure, but the little bit of research I've done suggests that also may be a source of inspiration.

2000 through early 2010s - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Modern Family. (I loved The War At Home, but it doesn't really fit)

When Wanda releases everyone from the hex, Bucky and Steve had some serious miscommunication issues and angst. Both feeling exceedingly guilty about their actions, despite the fact that they had no control over them. They got a taste for what domestic life would be like together, and they are frustrated that they enjoyed it since they believe the other one did not. When Wanda explains that her powers gave everyone jobs, relationships and roles in society that were equally comparable to those they had in real life, Bucky and Steve both realize that the hex would not have put them in a relationship if it wasn't what the other also wanted. Yay! They make-up (and make-out, lol).

I seriously want to write this, but I really don't have the confidence that I will be able to execute it as I imagine it. If someone wants to work on it with me (be it we both write it or you just want to offer some brainstorming help/story guidance), I would be thrilled! Just so long as there isn't any pressure to get it done in a time crunch. I just want this writing experience to be fun! Also, if you are interested, I swear I’m a better writer than what was just exhibited, but I really only spent an hour or so on it, so it’s obviously not my best work.

Anyway, if you have any thoughts, suggestions, advice etc or just want to scream about WandaVision and/or Stucky, please feel free to PM me or stop by my inbox. It would make my day :) 

[mythiccheroacademia]

Baking! Headcanons

Characters: Kirishima, Tamaki, and Taishiro (Fat Gum)

Warnings: fluffiness overload?? ok there’s like a tiny mention of suggestive activities but nothing compared to what y’all see every day on this sin hole of a website

most if not all SWF

A/N: In honor of these three’s heroism in the last few episodes. Let them have a normal day you cowards! Also, I felt kind of seasonal and wanted to see my boos bake some cookies with their S/O 

Kirishima Eijrou:

this is my baby fr fr

such a beautiful and good boi it makes my heart hurt

like, how does he???

okay, focus!

baking would be a manly sport filled with smiles, laughter, and a bit of disorganized mixing

both of you aren’t amazing cooks, but you can follow directions well!

i see him being into chocolate 

he doesn’t have it much because of hero training™ so he’s super excited to bake some sweets

especially with you

bc you’re just a treat to be around

see what i did there?

spends half the time “accidentally” bumping into you to get the ingredients together

“oh, let me get the vanilla extract for you”

*hip bumps you*

“you need the whisk? i got it”

*places a lingering hand on your lowerback*

damn it kirishima you’re supposed to be  b a k i n g ! !

will “show you the proper way to mix” by getting behind you and holding your hands

you just quirk a brow, but let it happen

he ain't slick tho

when the mix is in the oven, you both lick the spoon clean

when you take some batter off his face with your finger and lick it, he’ll literally implode 

all that devilish handsome machoness disappears in .2 secs

you tease him and he’ll whine about it before tickling you to get you back

idk why or how but y’all break out in song and dance 

I’ll Make a Man Out of You is the song ofc

the timer goes off and you both enjoy your sweets with bright smiles and a kiss here n there

Tamaki Amajki:

another pure and beautiful boi who deserves nothing but the best

but i digress

y’all would have some nice holiday music in the background

it would be something soothing like acapella, jazz (KennyG), or slow songs from the queen of Christmas Mariah Carey

it’s a relaxing environment and he doesn’t feel nervous 

although you always make him nervous bc you’re just so pretty but anyway

you’ve decided to bake some sugar cookies with homemade icing!

you work on getting the icing together and he’s preparing the batter

at first, it’s kind of silent besides the little “can you pass the butter” or “can you set the oven to 350 pls”

but then, you two start making conversation and talk about everything and nothing at all

“did you see the trailer for that new horror movie?”

“Mirio was telling me something about a crying blonde lady and a cat? do you know about it?”

“did you know that some turtles can breathe through their butt”

“you have very pretty eyes”

reader-error.exe

the batter is put in the oven and whiles you two wait, you’re leaning against one another, enjoying the other’s company

it’s just such a soft atmosphere it’s something out of a storybook

like, you both just compliment the other and it’s soothing

tamaki is so happy he’s found someone he can just be silent and happy with

once they’re done, you shape them into cute characters like gingerbread men, doves, bells, etc. then they’re decorated with icing and sprinkles

the cookies look like something out of a show

you shared it with the other students and they asked you two to forget about being heroes and open up a bakery

it’s bakugo approved!

Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fat Gum):

\two gifs for the duality of man!

you’re 20+ in this btw bc minors + adults + dating = illegal/wrong/unacceptable

when he’s with his s/o, he’s such a big teddy bear

he’s usually upbeat and easy-going, but he’s just a lot softer and cheery in your presence

you just remind him of the easier things in life

ofc, baking is no foreign custom in the Taishiro household! your mans eats enough for an entire city!

but the gag is, as much as he likes to eat, he’s a horrible cook

even when he tries to follow a cookbook, it just never goes right

you shoo him from the kitchen bc you ain’t getting food poisoning

no sirrr, not in Beyoncé’s economy 

but he doesn’t listen to you

the most playful when it comes to baking

you try to ignore him as you make the cupcakes (save for a few snickers here n there)

will use his freakishly abnormal height (in hero form he’s like 8ft, but deflated i hc him to be like 6′5) to hold the spoon above your head

you cuss him out

“little boy if you don’t give me back my damn spoon--”

“little? is that what you think now?”

“I--”

“that’s not what you were saying two days ago”

“Toyomitsu!”

he’s a disrespectful lil shit but it makes you smile, curse him

once he realizes that the baking isnt going anywhere and he’s highkey starving, he’ll chill out

actually wants to help so you allow him to set the oven, set the timer, and put the tray in

“why don’t we crank it up by 200 degrees and shave off ten minutes”

“no”

he’ll cuddle you and talk to pass the time

once they’re done, you barely manage to take them out before he dives in

literally sings, “oh i’m about to diiiiivvveee in...splash~”

y’know, that song by Trey Songz

you two eat them and he swears he’s going to propose in the next week

[sunsetcurve]

so...the last year has been rough. for everyone. but i’ve been lucky in a lot of ways, especially with the people in my life, and i wanted to take a second to thank some people on here. because genuinely, you guys mean so freaking much to me. i’ve had a lot of online friends in my life but none that feel so much like family. these are the people who have carried me through the last year, who’ve made me feel seen and heard and supported me in all my endeavors and just been wonderful to me all around. i love you guys, and happy new year <3

i’m about to get into it now. and i’ll try not to cry too much along the way.

@neshatriumphs​ nesha, when i say that you’re our fandom mom i mean that you’re my family, i mean that you’re my biggest supporter, my inspiration, my rock, the person who makes me want to be my best self, all the time. i can’t explain to you what your support has meant to me over the years. whether it’s leaving me incredibly kind notes on my fics that make me want to write more just for you, or sending me asks when you know i’m feeling down, or just making me laugh with your hilarious takes, you have always, always been there for me. you’re the toughest person i know and you make me want to keep pushing every day. you’re so incredibly talented; your ideas are just always stunning and inspired and despite being humble about it you’re amazing at everything you do. your art, your writing, your aesthetics, all of it. loeg and share-a-lair were just spectacular and such a show of how complex and original and smart your writing is. barring just your talent you’re also an inspiration in how passionate and kind and dedicated you are. you care for others everywhere you go. you come on here and constantly make me want to be a better person. it’s not just me, either—you’ve taken on the role of helping all of us in any way you can, and you just make us feel loved and supported and give us someone to always look up to. i love you. plain and simple, you’re my family, and i’m so, so grateful to have you in my life.

@juliesdahlias​ you know when you meet someone younger than you and you’re like how do they have this much talent in their body? and you can’t even be mad about it because you just want to root for them and you want good things for them and you think of them like a little sibling? that’s me around you all. the freaking. time. pearl, i’m constantly blown away by how smart and driven and passionate you are. you have so much talent to offer the world and i love seeing you thrive more than anything. you inspire me every freaking day; i mean, your tiara thief drabbles literally made me pull my fic out of my drafts for the first time in months. every time you post it’s something iconic and beautiful, whether its your fics or your edits or your headcanons. and not just that, but you’re so incredibly supportive of everything i put out there. like with ths, the way you latched on to it and are one of our biggest fans and made content for it literally as soon as we started!! that was amazing!! you’re just such an incredible person in every sense of the word; you’re talented and hilarious and kind and passionate and i love you so so much. i cannot wait to watch you do amazing things because i know you’re gonna be one of the greats. ily. 

@ciara-knightly i can’t even put this into words. i’m sitting here trying to say it right and every time i start i just turn into “!!!!!!!!” cause i love you so much. i know i’ve said this before, but shona, you’re honestly like my older sister. this whole year of just, really getting to talk to you beyond tumblr has shown me how honestly kind, passionate, smart, and supportive you are. talking to you is one of my favorite things in the world, whether it’s rambling about tiara thief, or discussing feminism in media, or just getting life advice. you always know what to say to lead me in the right direction and reassure me that things are gonna be okay. i look up to you more than i can tell you; i’m constantly inspired by your talent and your drive. you’re endlessly supportive and you make me laugh all the time, and i hold literally every convo we have close to my chest because it means so much to me to just be able to have them with you. i’ll never be over the fact that you basically discovered jatp, or us talking and making predictions for weeks before it aired, or us plotting out the whole dystopia novel together—which, even though it didn’t really pan out, was such an amazing experience because i got to do it with you. and i absolutely scroll back through our convos on a regular basis to scream over our tiara thief headcanons. everything i’ve done with you has been incredibly fun and meaningful, so what i’m trying to say in this very long winded way is that i’m so, so glad i know you, and i can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. 

@bitchmilsky lizzie, i literally think of you like you’re my little sibling. my weird, crazy, hilarious, incredibly kind and supportive and creative and amazing little sibling. ever since i met you you’ve been nothing but fun and friendly and wonderful to me. your posts never fail to make me laugh and i love seeing whatever you’re up to, even if it’s video games that i understand nothing about. you have so many fun ideas and you’re so freely yourself, it’s honestly inspiring. the things you make are always adorable and every time we go live together and chat i always have so much fun, and talking and i just want to meet you in person so badly because i know we’d be an amazing, unstoppable duo and that you’d make me laugh until my sides hurt. i’m still waiting on that cross-country road trip. we could roll the windows down and belt our way through the entire hd musical soundtrack, and it would be epic. for real, though, you’re one of my favorite people ever, and i hope this year brings you nothing but fun and good things because that’s what you deserve. i’m sending you a million virtual hugs and also booty shorts that say poggers on the ass. i love you <3

@zackmartn i know i’m gonna start crying right now because i love you so much and i’m trying not to because i just did my makeup but dammit, nikki, i just love you so much. i remember when i first came on here and was afraid to talk to you because i was like “ohmygod she’s so cool she’s the king of this fandom she’s amazing” but i thank god that you reached out to me every day. i honestly can’t imagine my life without you; you’ve been such a presence in it for so long that you’re inseparable from it. even the times i’ve gone on hiatus i’ve been stalking your blog from a distance like “i just wanna know what she’s up to...”. you’re honestly like an older sister to me and you’re one of the people i admire the most; you’ve been through and continue to go through so much and yet every day you come on here and decide to be a freaking light to all of us, to make me smile, to support me literally endlessly. like, the amount of times you’ve driven me to near tears from your reviews of my writing is ridiculous. the freaking umana fan club?? the way ths is one of your top tags??? it’s just...insane and such a show of how boundless your support is. and that’s not even getting into how freaking talented you are!!! i stare at your gifsets all the time!! and your fics like....holy shit you literally created this whole universe that i’m so freaking invested in and is better than literally anything that canon could ever do, and i know i’m honestly terrible at responding to messages but i hope you know you never have to start holding back with me. most of the time when i get stuff you send i have to sit there and get my thoughts together and that takes forever, but i love love love reading it anyway. the way you get excited about the things you love is everything, it’s something that i really really love about you, and i hope you continue to keep that passion and love for everything. and i hope that this year brings you nothing but good things, because you deserve that more than anyone. i love you. 

@willexs eliza, babe, i know we joke all the time that we were put on opposite sides of the ocean because we’d be too powerful if we were together but i really think it’s true. imagine us meeting. the universe just wouldn’t be able to handle it; it would implode. listen, you’re literally like my twin, my other half. we have so much in common that it’s honestly ridiculous. we operate on the same brainwave, and every time we talk i’m blown away by how easy it is and i honestly love it so much because i could not have picked a more talented and creative and fun person to work with. writing ths with you has literally been like...one of my favorite writing experiences ever. i can’t believe that it started on such a whim because it’s such an important part of my life now and getting to have you next to me while we figure this whole thing out is honestly the best part. it’s not just all the characters and dynamics we’ve created, it’s the fact that i can send you incoherent ramblings at ungodly hours and you’ll pick them apart, it’s the 3-hour phone calls to make playlists, it’s you always making me feel heard and inspiring me. it’s this like...excitement of building towards something amazing with someone i love. you understand me on this crazy and fundamental level, and sometimes it blows my mind how similar we are and how well you know me without us having even met. i feel like we’re the embodiment of “nobody gets me like you”. and i know i’ve said this before, but i really do think you make me a better writer. i love how you make me laugh, i love that you always have the best takes and i love how talented you are with your incredible adorable art and your fics and your gorgeous edits and i love that we egg each other on and hype each other up. i love that, despite being on opposite sides of the ocean, we’re still best friends. and i love you <3

​@cactus-con lou!!!!!! i literally just...ahh i love you so much!! i know i’ve said this before but you were the first person i talked to in this fandom, and you made me feel so freaking welcome. and that has never changed. talking to you is so easy and natural, and you make me feel loved and heard all the time. i love getting to share stuff with you because you always always always hype me up. not just that but like...your talent?? literally unmatched!!! you’re amazing at everything you do it’s ridiculous. i love love love all your artwork, i could stare at it literally all day. you have so much talent and i literally cannot wait to watch you do such great things with it. i just...you’re such a wonderful person to everyone around you. you spread all this love and support and kindness and i think you’re one of the most genuine people i know and i’m so so glad i know you. i hope this year treats you so well because you deserve nothing but good things. i love you. <3

@owenjoyners where do i even start?? brooke, you’re like my other twin. i know i’ve said this before but it’s literally insane to me that we’ve known each other for less than a year because it feels like i’ve known you my whole life. you are such an incredible freaking person. you’re funny and you’re kind and you’re talented and you make me smile every damn day. i love getting post notifs from you because i swear to god i light up every time. your gifsets are always gorgeous, and i’ve watched you learn and improve and you’ve gotten so good, it makes me so happy every time. your art??? you say you’re just starting out but i can’t even tell you how much i love it. your fics!!! you’re good at everything and it’s honestly ridiculous. and it’s not even about your consistently amazing posts, i also just...i love talking to you more than anything, even if we’re just simping over owen together. you make me laugh all the time and you always hype me up; you’ve let me ramble about my fics and helped me get my ideas together, you’ve talked stupid life stuff like school and college with me, and you’ve given me someone to go to whenever i need it. i think of you as one of my best friends and i can’t get over how fast we clicked or how easy it is to talk to you. i need you to come visit me so i can give you so many hugs and we can have a sleepover and talk for literally hours on end. in the meantime, we need to call again sometime because that was honestly so much fun. i love you with all my heart. 

and some people i want to say thank you to, because even though we don’t talk as often as i’d like you’re still amazing, and you make me smile all the time, and i love seeing you on my dash or in my notes: @taylorswiftrulestheworld @onplanetmars @dr-rigatoni @swellviews-finest @symphonic-concert @molinasmercer

[veliseraptor]

I can't remember if anyone has actually asked you this. I apologise beforehand if you're repeating yourself. What are your three favourite scenes in The Untamed and why?

(Love how this took so long, mostly because I was waiting to get through all the listed moments in my rewatch. Anyway! It’s here now!)

Oh, fuck. 

Okay, I couldn’t keep it to three. I tried! I did! But I couldn’t. So here is a list of just general favorite scenes with the three scratched off. I realized belatedly that most of these are just painful because I love pain I guess??? but yeah that’s just who I am and I think I have to accept that.

Under a read more because Jesus this got long.

1. The entire scene at Nightless City culminating in Wei Wuxian’s death. Like, okay, honestly, if I could expand this into basically everything between Jin Zixuan’s death and Wei Wuxian’s, I’d do that, but that feels like too much even though in my head it is all sort of...one contiguous marathon of pain. But god!!! I have a whole thing for...characters hitting their breaking point, for breaking points in general, for seeing a character I love just...crack open, and that’s what happens here.

Like. Wei Wuxian’s been cracking for a while, and there’s a number of breaking points that kind of build on each other, but this is, obviously, where the real snap happens.

And on a narrative level, too, there’s the thing that...this is the point that we as the audience have been spiraling toward since first seeing the beginning of episode one. This is where the entire long stretch of flashback has been pointing - here’s where it culminates, where it falls into place, where everything circles back to where the show started and now you know exactly how it got there. 

Also I just. Love to suffer, and this entire scene is one whole long stretch of suffering. 

2. The golden core reveal. Oh man, I was waiting for this conversation for, like. Ever. I knew it was coming and I knew it was going to have to happen and I just kept being like. When will it be. When will it be and then it happened and god it was beautiful. Everything about this whole scene was just tailor made to hurt me and make me love it, from the confrontation in the ancestral shrine right down to when Jiang Cheng bolts in a panic. 

I hurt for everyone here. Wen Ning who has hit the end of his rope and is just fed up with everything. Jiang Cheng whose world is getting turned upside down and inside out and a whole lot of things falling into place all at once, his self-conception wrecked and his understanding of Wei Wuxian both opened and destroyed. Lan Wangji who is understanding what he missed and, I think, beating himself up about having missed it, and also the fresh understanding of just how ready Wei Wuxian is to throw himself under a bus for the people he loves. Wei Wuxian who doesn’t know any of this is happening but has just collapsed after running on fumes basically since resurrecting and is going to find out later that the biggest secret he’s been keeping and planned to keep for the rest of his life is now out. 

It’s just. Lord. It’s all so painful and it’s all so good, the payoff is so good, and especial mention here of Wen Ning’s done with your shit and I’m not taking it anymore face as he brandishes Suibian at Jiang Cheng not as a weapon, exactly, but a little bit.

(He doesn’t bite but he can hurt you in other ways!)

Anyway, this isn’t actually saying anything coherent, really, except just a lot of “ahhhhh” screaming about this scene and everything in it and everyone suffering in it and just. What a moment. 

3. The excruciating conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian in episode 48. Oh my god. Ohhhh my god. Okay, so, I’m always going to be a sucker for extremely painful and difficult sibling confrontations where everyone is spilling their feelings everywhere and it’s just a lot, and this was like. I remember on my first watch when this happened and I was like. Holy shit. This. This was what I needed. This!!!! 

And then no real resolution after, orz. But that’s what fanfiction is for. And there’s glimpses of the possibility, for sure, I Believe.

But anyway! And on rewatch this conversation just gets better and also more painful because of the ways that while it is finally a conversation that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng have sort of needed to have for, like, ever, it’s also one that rips open a lot of old wounds and it is also one that involves a painful amount of talking past each other. 

There’s a long meta post somewhere (sorry! I never know how to find the meta I’m looking for when I want it and I’m lazy right now!) about how what Jiang Cheng needs to hear is that Wei Wuxian loves and cares about him, and what he does hear is that Wei Wuxian is, once again, cutting himself off, that it was all always about debts and obligations and nothing more. And what Wei Wuxian is trying to do is release Jiang Cheng from being tied to him by those debts and obligations, to give him freedom, with I think the idea of creating a clean slate that’s not tainted by everything that went wrong before. He thinks Jiang Cheng needs to be released, but what Jiang Cheng needs is to be held.

(Both of them do! Both of them need that! Both of them need to feel loved and cherished and these things also specifically by each other!)

And I just. I just cry a lot.

But it is also beautiful, in the way that it captures so much about their relationship and the blood and hurt and tenderness and love all tied excruciatingly together, the ways that they hurt and have hurt each other, the ways they push and pull, all of Jiang Cheng’s anger and hurt spilling out everywhere in a way that I think has been building for 16 years. It’s not closure, but it is a catharsis. 

And for Wei Wuxian - I think it has to be, on some level, a relief. Even as it’s painful, even as it is exactly what he never wanted to happen, the secret is out now and he doesn’t have to hold onto it anymore. They are both - in his eyes - free. 

It’s just...a wrenching conversation that hits, like, sixty of my buttons at once and gives me a whole lot of emotions. 

4. asldkajsldfkj the flashback to Xiao Xingchen’s suicide in episode 39 and what comes after, just go ahead and kill me now. Like okay it’s probably obvious by now that I live in this hole called “Yi City, my Xue Yang feelings, and my XueXiao feelings,” and during this liveblog I specifically spilled several posts and screenshots worth of them, but god!!!! it’s just so much. Like, the entire Yi City arc is messy and painful as hell, it’s just like being put through an emotional wringer where I hurt for everyone in it, but this is the part that is especially excruciating because everyone in this emotional climax is suffering so much. 

And, like. We knew where this would end. We knew Xiao Xingchen died, and a-Qing was just killed, and at this point Xue Yang is dying. No one is getting out of this alive - but we haven’t seen yet exactly how things closed out. And the answer is “badly. it’s badly.” 

Both of these people in the very bad breakup scene are hurting. Xiao Xingchen is in agony, his life falling apart in his hands - everything he thought he knew has been a lie, he’s been tricked, played for a fool. And the hammer blows keep coming. It’s not enough that it’s Xue Yang, that Xue Yang has been fucking with him (as far as he knows), lying to him, for three years. It’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done. And then it’s what Xue Yang reveals about what he’s done to Song Lan.

And on the other end - Xue Yang’s weird fake domestic life that he’s gotten attached to, Xiao Xingchen who he’s come to care about - it’s imploding, irrevocably, in front of his face. And first he tries to explain himself, sort of, but he must know it’s not going to work; and then he goes back to what he does best and lashes out. You’re going to hurt me? I’ll hurt you fifty times as much.

I think he expects a fight. Or maybe, at most, he expects Xiao Xingchen to break down, and maybe he has some vague idea that then he can say see, this is what the world is really like, now you get it and rebuild him in some kind of Xue Yang-esque image (though I don’t think he really thinks that’ll happen). He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to kill himself. He doesn’t expect Xiao Xingchen to die.

And then he doesn’t expect to not be able to get him back.

It’s just. This whole arc is people destroying each other and themselves body and soul, and this is the climax of it, the breaking point. And it hurts, real bad.

And as we have established! I love to suffer.

5. Drunk Lan Wangji, take two. All of these are like. “Pain! Pain! Pain!�� and here we are with some goofy antics instead. I mean, the intro to drunk!Wangji is sad in the way that it has to do with what happened to Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen (and Lan Wangji’s always feelings about those parallels ouch), but then...I mean, drunk!Wangji is just generally adorable, but here he is especially adorable. 

Chicken theft! Vandalism! Trespassing! His adorable little smile when Wei Wuxian asks if he likes rabbits and he’s like. Yeah. :) :)

And then we close out with more emotions, of course. Because it’s not The Untamed without a little bit of pain thrown in there. 

“I have regret,” Lan Wangji says, a confession of fault, and of course Wei Wuxian can’t receive it, or won’t - and Lan Wangji reacts to his attempt at absolution by basically doing his usual “I don’t want to talk about this” routine of just bluntly changing the subject (in this case “going to bed now goodnight.”).

Also the entire bit where he goes from hopelessly drunk to fighting off an opponent and then back to hopelessly drunk, like. Even drunk!Wangji can and will kick your ass. 

And all of Wei Wuxian just like. Basically trip babysitting him? Gently trying to herd him around? The gentleness and fondness of it all?

Good. All good.

6. Qiongqi Path, take one. Emotional mauling! Terrifying evil flute Wei Wuxian! Dramatic face-off between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji! The beginning of Lan Wangji’s moral crisis! (Or, okay, not the beginning but this is definitely a major breaking point for his worldview, I think, and where his questioning really, truly begins.) 

It’s just...a lot of good. Everything with Wen Qing searching for Wen Ning’s body hurts so bad. Wei Wuxian coming stalking back into the camp with vengeance on the brain is as gloriously sexy as that vibe always is on him. And the confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian? oh man. 

Juicy. And also. Ouch. 

(And am I a sucker for everything about ‘former allies ending up on opposite sides and one of them saying something along the lines of ‘if I’m going to die then I’d rather it was you who killed me’ yes I sure am! I didn’t cry nearly as much on my third watch but this scene is another one of my points that I think of when I think of bits in The Untamed that make me cry.

And as we’ve established already, I just love to cry.

7. God like. All of episode 19? Is that cheating? But it’s all so good! We have suffering Wei Wuxian! Mouthing off while being tortured! The entire sequence of him grabbing the sword and that moment of choice where his life turns as he answers that question (do you want revenge?) with a resounding yes? 

Lan Wangji absolutely fucking up some Wens on a desperate quest for Wei Wuxian? Teaming up with Jiang Cheng? (Do I still want to see more of that team up in that time? Yes please!!) SPOOKY FUCKING FLUTE MUSIC STARTING SIGNALING EXTREMELY OMINOUS THINGS TO COME?

Anyway it’s all very “fuck yeah, this is all quite tailored to me and my interests, thank you.”

8. Jiang Yanli coming for Jin Zixun’s life. I feel like I should just link to this analysis of this scene that really breaks it all down in detail? But god so satisfying. I mean, Jin Zixun is truly one of the most hateable characters in this show, in my opinion, and seeing Jiang Yanli step up and politely and meticulously demolish him is like. So satisfying. 

The face of a woman about to murder someone. But with words.

I really wish we could’ve seen more of this Jiang Yanli, because before this point she’s all softness and gentleness and while that’s very true of her - this part of her is also there, always, and I’d love to have seen more of it.

But like. Getting it here? Stunning. Showstopping. Love it.

9. Wei Wuxian wrecks a party, but, like, sexily. I mean, he wrecks a few parties, but I’m thinking specifically of the one in episode 26 prior to Qiongqi Path, take one. Everything about that whole scene is gold top to bottom, but what really gets me going is everything from the dramatic entrance (I’m tempted to make a list of Wei Wuxian’s best dramatic entrances) onward to “sexy menacing countdown.” It’s just all so...I mean, I’ve talked about how much I love furiously angry and on the verge of losing it Wei Wuxian, and this is some prime that material. 

(Pictured: the sexiest way anyone has ever said the word ‘two.’)

And just! The tension of it all, how it builds and builds and builds and even when it finally releases when Zixun caves there’s still all this lingering “oh fuck! that’s bad!” dread...it’s just very good. 

And I also love it as one of those key plot turning moments where it’s like. This isn’t the irrevocable break, but it’s a big one as far as ‘no going back from this.’

And like. Not just Wei Wuxian, everyone else in this scene is excellent too. Just. Mm. Good.

10. Wei Wuxian is sexy when he’s mean and that’s just the truth. Which is to say: the very bad breakup scene between him and Lan Wangji in episode 20. I’ve read two different analyses of this scene, both brilliant (by @hunxi-guilai here, and @neuxue here), and I feel like I can’t add much to that other than to reiterate that Wei Wuxian is very sexy when he’s mean, and the layers of everything going on in this scene are. Ugh!!! So good.

(I mean, also everything that comes before, I have put myself down firmly in camp “Wei Wuxian is also sexy when he murders people, you go Wei Ying, murder people as much as you want, it’s hot.” And the hug with Jiang Cheng! (THAT HUG. IT IS SUCH A HUG.))

But the confrontation between him and Lan Wangji in particular! it is so fuckin good. Honestly just read the linked analyses, I’ve got nothing I can say better that’s not in there, just a lot of “ahhhhhhh” about it all.

BONUS MENTIONS TO: basically every time Wei Wuxian Yiling Laozus, “stay and die with me.”