#I like validation and I’m emotionally needy

[ssreeder]

hello!!!!!

i started reading liab two weeks ago i think? and i just finished "risking it all" and i

i could scream?? in a good but also not good way?? like bro what was that omg. THE GOODBYE KISS? AZULA? REHO AND JET? i can't

lowkey almost scared to start "into the fire" but erm.. the zukka hyperfixation is real and i don't think i can stop after making it this far

so far reading the series has been a rollercoaster holy moly

you had me giggling and kicking my feet when zukka finally kissed help but the scenes between katara and hakoda/the gaang and iroh when they talked about sokka/zuko being dead?? i was so close to full on BAWLING. and bato's backstory?? i cried

i'm still not over eve and v btw

i have so much to say but i don't really know what that stuff is

but dude holy moly i love your fics and i'm so excited to keep reading

you've done such a good job in portraying the characters and their emotions and everything

this series has been consuming my thoughts ever since i started reading it, i can't begin to tell you how much i look forward to reading the rest

ok i'm just yapping atp but seriously your stuff is so cool

idk what else to say help but i hope you have a lovely day!!!!

THE FUCKING GOOOOODDDBBBYYYEEEE KISS!!!

I know they’re so dramatic haha, I can’t deal with them sometimes.

I will warn you the beginning of ITF is… ROUGH, but it lightens up a lot. If you have craved more wholesome interactions you’ll get that in ITF (but the boys are still RIDDLED with trauma so it’ll never be coffee shop AU sweet, it’s just not that kind of fic)

If you enjoy Bato you’ll be happy that he gets some attention in ITF and I am excited/scared for his character haha ;)

THANK YOU FOR THIS AMAZING COMMENT!!!!!

Seriously… I get horribly insecure at random times and when I get asks like this it reminds me people do enjoy my writing & that I shouldn’t be so damn insecure all the time haha. (Seriously thank you thank you thank youuuuu!!)

I hope you enjoy ITF! Come tell me if you do!

[mugglebornmarvelite]

Bucky’s Quiet Love

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem! Reader

Summary: After a painful breakup, Bucky offers quiet comfort and unconditional care, showing you a love that's patient and gentle. He mends the ache in your chest and reminds you that you deserve so much more.

Word Count: Roughly 1.3k 

Warnings: A smidge of angst (super tiny, barely there), references to an emotionally draining relationship, toxic relationship dynamics, obviously fluff (because who I am without it?), thoughts of self-worth, slow-burn.

Author's Note: Based on this request + I worked in some Valentine's Day things and a lil poem just because :)

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Divider by: @strangergraphics 

Love is not always loud,

Not fiery, sharp, or proud,

The Tower was quiet when you got back. 

Your eyes were downcast, the weight of tonight, the last year, weighing on you so heavily that you wanted to crawl into a hole.

You didn’t want to talk to anyone immediately; your mind was consumed with flashes of every rough patch, fight, and the breakup itself tonight. The words that echoed from your ex’s mouth were like a cruel stab to the heart:

“You always made things so complicated. I’m not the one with the problem here; you are. You were always so needy, always wanting more. I’m actually relieved it’s over. You were ruining me. I’m sure you’ll find someone else who can tolerate you. I’m just better off without all your drama.”

You had poured your heart into a relationship that never seemed to give back, where your love was only met with the bare minimum effort. You were always left wanting, always feeling like there was something more to give, but he couldn’t wouldn’t supply it.

And the icing on the cake, or in this case, salt on the wound: you found out that he had been seeing someone else the day before Valentine’s Day, 

The betrayal stung, but there was also a deep sadness. 

You knew you deserved more, but a part of you kept hoping he’d see you, really see you. You wanted to be enough. You craved his validation, his attention, his touch, his love.

But that never came. 

He drained your happiness.

Till you felt hollow.

It doesn’t need to shout its name,

Or spark an endless, burning flame.

When Bucky saw you standing there, looking small and broken, his chest ached. He knew. He always knew. 

His deep blue eyes were the ones that had always seemed to understand you, even when you couldn't quite articulate how you were feeling. 

And right now? 

You couldn’t describe how you were feeling. 

Exhausted? 

Shittty? 

Overwhelmed? 

All of the above could be a more than adequate description.

You didn't even have to look up to know Bucky was there. His presence, that unspoken comfort, was enough. He'd been waiting for you. You could feel it, feel him, even before you saw him.

Bucky had always been the one who understood when things were left unsaid. You could talk to him for hours or simply sit silently; it would always feel like home. But tonight? Your heart was broken tonight, and nothing would ever feel like home again for a while.

You felt the sting of tears behind your eyes as you walked toward him. You didn’t try to hide that your eyes were glossed over or that you were visibly tired.

He stood up from the couch and was pulling you into his strong arms before you could even say a word. 

You buried your face into his sweater, letting the tears fall. His embrace was the first real comfort you’d had all day, and you crumbled into him. The last week had been a blur of fights, loneliness, and betrayal. Your ex had been giving you the bare minimum for months, only fulfilling the things that kept the relationship afloat. 

Bucky had seen the way you smiled for him, how you tried to fill the empty space in your relationship with kindness, how you were always the one to bend, to give.

And it killed him.

"I’m so sorry, sweetheart," Bucky’s warm breath against your hair as he held you close, pressing his lips to your head. "I’m so sorry that happened to you."

You let out a shaky breath, nodding, unable to form words. 

Bucky’s arms around you felt like the safest place you’d ever been, and it took everything not to collapse into him completely.

"You’re safe here," Bucky said softly. "Don’t stress this. I’ll be here. Always."

You nodded again, pulling away slightly to look up at his face. His eyes softened at the sight of you. You could see the worry in them, the concern.

"I’m sorry," you whispered. "I just...I don’t know what is what anymore. I don’t what to do with myself."

Bucky wiped a stray tear from your cheek, his thumb brushing over the softness of your skin. His touch was gentle and caring. He was always so careful with you, treating you as though you were the most precious thing in the world. But right now, you felt broken, like you weren’t worthy of the love he offered so freely.

"You’re gonna be okay," he murmured as he gently squeezed you. "You’ve been through something really fucking tough, but you’re not alone, okay?"

Bucky led you to the couch and you sighed, sinking into the furniture. He searched for the softest blanket he could find, wrapping it around your shoulders. He just sat beside you, as you tried to find your grounding. A gentle hand continually stroked your hair as you melted into him. His quiet presence like soothing balm to your weary soul. 

Bucky had always known how to give you the needed space without making you feel alone.

You fell asleep eventually, comforted by the feeling of his presence beside you.

Some love is quiet, soft, and true,

And in that peace, you’ll start anew.

The next day, Bucky woke up with an idea. He had kicked everyone out of the Tower in the afternoon, telling them he had some private things to handle. 

You didn’t know what he had planned, but when you walked into the living room later that evening, your heart fluttered with surprise.

The lights were dimmed. The room was now softly lit with candles and the faint glow of fairy lights. A table was set for two with flowers arranged in a vase in the center: tulips, your favorite. There was no grand display, no flashy gestures, just the kind of thoughtful simplicity that spoke volumes.

Bucky was waiting by the table, dressed in a way that was casual but put together, a white shirt and dark slacks that made him look effortlessly handsome.

"You didn’t have to do all this," you whispered. 

He gave a small, amused smile.

"Yeah, I did," he said. "You deserve to feel special, especially today."

Bucky guided you to the seat, pulling out the chair for you. His eyes were soft, full of affection and care. He wasn’t rushing, wasn’t pushing. He was just there, present.

The meal was simple, but there was love in every bite. He had taken the time to make it, and the care was evident in how he plated it, in the small details that made you feel seen.

"You’ve been through a lot, and you deserve better," he said softly, kissing your forehead as you both sat on the couch.

"You already give me more than anyone else ever did." The words escaped before you could think, and you met his gaze. His smile was gentle, his eyes filled with a quiet intensity that made your stpmach flip.

Bucky took your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over your skin, grounding you in the moment. There was no rush, no expectations. Just him. His gentle love, his patience, his presence.

He leaned in, brushing his lips against your forehead once more, his breath warm against your skin. "No one’s going to hurt you again. I’m not going anywhere, okay?"

You nodded.

His lips met yours in a soft, gentle kiss that told you everything: You deserved to be treated with the kindness, respect, and tenderness you’d been craving. You don’t have to beg or fight for it.

And for the first time in a long time, you believed it.

Not loud, not brash, but always there,

A love that shows its tender care.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed!

Tags: @princess-lil-spidey @sapphirebarnes @mgchaser @sparklystarsandstrawberries @arcadia-smith @rnurse-kole @juliebluehufflepuff @sailorsenshiuranep @alexxavicry @ficcharsimp @winchestert101 @thatesqcrush @bamitzzsam @grubler @peaches1958 @helen-2003 @ickearmn

If you'd like to be added to my taglist or just ask me, and I'll update it!

Much love x

- Maeve

[2hot4urgf]

𝒮cumbag kny men headcannons

Featuring : giyuu, sanemi, muzan, obanai

A/n : first post! (๑°ㅁ°๑)‼

Sanemi Shinazugawa

Sanemi thrives on chaos. He’s the type to start an argument out of nowhere just to see you upset, then walk away mid-conversation like your feelings don’t matter. If you follow him, he’ll hit you with, “Stop being so needy. I can’t deal with you right now.”

He intentionally makes you feel like you’re not enough. Compliments are rare, but criticism? Constant. “You’d look better if you lost a little weight” or “That outfit’s not doing you any favors.” He chips away at your confidence until you’re relying on him for validation.

He’ll flirt with other girls in front of you, not because he’s interested, but because he loves watching you squirm. When you finally call him out, he laughs and says, “Relax, it’s not like I’m cheating. You’re so insecure it’s pathetic.”

His jealousy is suffocating. He checks your phone when you’re not looking, questions every male friend you have, and accuses you of cheating over the smallest things. Yet he sees no issue with his own sketchy behavior.

When he messes up, he never fully apologizes. Instead, he’ll shift the blame onto you: “I wouldn’t have said that if you didn’t push me,” or “Maybe if you weren’t so annoying, I wouldn’t have to act this way.” It’s always your fault in his eyes.

---

Giyuu Tomioka

Giyuu is emotionally unavailable to the point where it feels like you’re dating a wall. You’ll pour your heart out, hoping for some kind of response, and all you’ll get is a blank stare or a dismissive “I’ll think about it.”

He keeps you in a constant state of uncertainty. One day, he’s soft and caring, holding your hand like he’s afraid to lose you. The next, he’s cold and distant, treating you like a stranger. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Cancelling plans is a habit for him, but what makes it worse is the way he doesn’t even try to make it up to you. “Something came up” is all he’ll say, leaving you alone and wondering if you’re even a priority.

He has a way of making you feel like you’re overreacting. If you try to confront him about his behavior, he’ll sigh and say, “Why do you always make things so complicated?” as if your hurt feelings are an inconvenience to him.

When things get tough, he doesn’t fight for the relationship. Instead, he’ll pull away, making you feel like it’s your job to fix everything. And if you can’t? He’ll quietly let the relationship crumble, acting like he was never part of the problem.

---

Muzan Kibutsuji

Muzan doesn’t see you as a person; he sees you as property. He controls every aspect of your life—what you wear, who you talk to, even where you go. If you push back, he smirks and says, “I’m just looking out for you. You’d be lost without me.”

He manipulates you into thinking you’re the problem. If you catch him in a lie, he won’t deny it outright. Instead, he’ll twist the situation to make you feel guilty for even questioning him. “I only lied because I knew you’d overreact.”

He disappears for days without a word, leaving you anxious and overthinking. When he finally shows up, he acts like nothing happened, dismissing your concerns with a cold, “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

His flirtations with other people are deliberate. He enjoys making you jealous, loves seeing the insecurity in your eyes. If you confront him, he’ll scoff and say, “They mean nothing to me. You’re the one making it a big deal.”

When he knows he’s pushed you too far, he’ll reel you back in with over-the-top gestures: expensive gifts, romantic dinners, whispered promises of change. But it’s all a facade to keep you trapped in his cycle of manipulation.

---

Obanai Iguro

Obanai is sneaky to the core. He hides things from you, deletes messages, and keeps his phone locked at all times. If you ask why, he’ll act offended, snapping, “Why don’t you trust me? You’re always looking for something to be mad about.”

He tears down your self-esteem with backhanded compliments. “You’re pretty, but you’d be stunning if you fixed your hair” or “I love you, even if you’re not perfect.” His words stay with you, eating away at your confidence.

He’s incredibly possessive. He doesn’t just dislike you hanging out with other people—he actively sabotages it. He’ll pick fights before you leave or guilt-trip you into staying home. “I just don’t understand why you’d rather be with them than me.”

When he’s upset, he doesn’t tell you what’s wrong. Instead, he sulks and makes passive-aggressive remarks until you’re begging him to talk. And when he finally does, it’s all about how you made him feel this way.

He uses his insecurities to manipulate you. “I know I’m not good enough for you, but I’m trying my best.” It’s designed to make you feel guilty for even considering leaving, even though he’s the one who’s toxic.

[hsvh-hp]

You know I agree with you that fanon paints Lucius as a much worse father than he was and I don't like that either, but do you not think indoctrinating your child into a genocidal cult + coldly demanding that he be the best in class and publicly humiliating him about that ("if [my son's] grades don't pick up, a thief or a plunderer] may indeed be all he is fit for") is bad parenting?

Like I'm not saying "he is a bad parent" or "he is a good parent", I'm very hesitant to label parents (real or fictional) in such a one-dimensional way because parent-child relationships are so incredibly complicated. But at the same time it is very important to me to acknowledge even little things parents can do that can really have a negative impact on children. And indeed in Draco's case they do, leading him to want to be a Death Eater, to seek validation from Voldemort (when he disarms Dumbledore he talks about wanting to be the Dark Lord's favourite, he doesn't want help from Snape because he has a need to prove himself etc) and contributing to his general insecurity and need to be better than everyone & getting upset when he's not, because if he's not the best all the time then he feels really bad.

One big reason I dislike the fanon tendency to make every morally questionable parent an extremely physically abusive monster is precisely because that erases the representation of how the smaller, psychologically/emotionally damaging things they do can still be traumatising.

It goes without saying that there’s nuance. I would never say nor claim that Lucius did nothing wrong or didn’t make mistakes. By mere virtue of holding bigoted beliefs, he signaled to Draco that there were things he could do or be that might undermine his father’s love. To me, it doesn’t even matter if Lucius is otherwise perfect as a father. That small thing, in a kid as needy for love and validation as Draco is, would be enough to have him always on edge and anxiously performing his role as the perfect son to the best of his ability.

My earlier frustration was a pushback against the need to inflate Lucius’ less-great moments into overtly obvious abuse (we are very much in agreement there), as fanon seems to love to do without a hint of introspection or greater analysis. I’m so bored of complicated behaviour being filed away into a thought-terminating box called ‘abuse’, where a sole instance of someone being a grumpy, imperfect dad (the Borgin & Burke’s scene) is all that’s required to put a character on the same level as men who actually do beat their sons. It’s not given a greater thought.

For instance, you bring up Draco’s indoctrination into the Death Eaters, and his eagerness to join. This is a very interesting conundrum for Lucius to me because Voldemort is back for an entire year before Draco signs up. Lucius is in Azkaban at the time, unable to exert any influence over Draco’s decision, and Voldemort explicitly brings Draco into the fold as a form of punishment for Lucius. We have no access to Lucius’ head as readers, but he had an entire year afterward to sit and think about how he failed Draco. He’s a smart guy. I’m sure he could put it together that his bigotry came very close to costing his son his life. Considering the Malfoys sit alongside the winners of the war in the Great Hall, it speaks to me of some greater narrative reflection on Lucius’ part to have earned himself a place there.

The point is, I’ve never seen that Lucius in fic before. I crave that Lucius, who can realize his mistakes and grow or change as a result (and is brave enough not to let the lateness of its arrival dictate the terms). It’s very important to me that growth not be something exclusive to a certain age (16 and under? 18? I’ve seen people argue that Draco was no longer redeemable at 12 LMAO). So yeah, feeling alone in this sentiment occasionally bubbles up and I forget to articulate all the nuance of the subject when engaging with it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[madamejadex]

Hi, miss Jade. I’m an anon of yours but I’m here completely anonymously because you know who I am by emoji and I’m kind of ashamed with this.

I get this guilty, empty feeling in my chest when I don’t get praise/attention from others for a certain amount of time, and it makes me feel like a terrible person. I feel like I can’t love myself unless I’m validated by someone else.

It’s put me in some bad situations, where ill maybe enter a scene with a ‘domme’ on here and once it’s over I don’t get any aftercare or anything, which in turn just sets me back, but I don’t learn and I do it again and I feel like I’m so far in sub drop and it just keeps happening and I don’t know. I feel worthless and used but not in a good way.

I don’t want to be like this but I do not know how to change it, I just want to feel important and not only when I’m giving that part of myself away to someone. I just want to be loved.

I’m sorry to drop this, it’s okay for you to not reply.

Oh, sweetheart... Please don't feel like you have to apologize for bringing your heart here. There is nothing wrong with needing to be seen. Nothing wrong with wanting to feel important.

You’re not weak. You’re not selfish. You’re just hurting. And when we’re hurting, we sometimes reach for connection in ways that feel good in the moment but leave us empty after. I understand that, truly, I do. You’re not alone in this pattern, and you’re not damaged for falling into it. But my darling, what I need you to hear now is this:

You are not disposable. You are not just a scene. And you are not only lovable when you’re giving your submission away.

That hollow ache you feel when the attention fades? That isn’t neediness, it’s the ache of unmet care. Of your heart telling you, "I want to be held, not just played with." That ache is asking you to slow down, to listen, to stop giving pieces of yourself to people who haven't earned them.

You said something that stopped me:

“I just want to feel important and not only when I’m giving that part of myself away.”

And yes. That’s the truth of it, isn’t it? That’s the piece that matters most. And sweetheart, I’m telling you right now, you can’t wait for someone else to build that truth inside you. You have to start choosing yourself, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

If you’re not getting aftercare, if your scenes leave you feeling used in the wrong way, and if you're constantly crashing emotionally... that isn’t healthy. And that isn't how scene should feel like.

So I want you to start small. Start by choosing you even when you're aching to be chosen by someone else. Pause before you give your submission. Ask: – Do they know how to care for me? – Do they respect my need for aftercare? – Do they see me as a whole person, or just a fantasy?

And if the answer is no, then my darling… they do not deserve your submission. No matter how good the high feels at the start.

You are allowed to want care. You are allowed to need affection and reassurance and attention. But you also deserve to learn what it feels like to love yourself without having to be undone first.

And you don’t have to figure it all out today. You just have to want better for yourself. That’s the first step. And I already see you taking it.

I’m here. I see you. You’re not too much. You’re not a burden. You’re a soft, brave, beautifully open soul who’s trying to learn how to stop surviving and start being held.

Start with that. Start with you. 🤍

xo Miss Jade

[gnawingyou]

true, you and i are very different creatures beyond some surface level similarities we share, like wolves and jackals, we are most definitely not equal and i would never pretend to be on your higher level at all, tho suppose still answers my question where it is we split into opposite paths from some similarities, in ways i find you relatable up to that area but at same time i admire you as.. far more, suppose where my curiosity to where we diverge peaked

i suppose in my own way i enjoy the suffering & pain and ruin i can inflict on others who show vulnerability and emotion to me but when it’s flipped and im at mercy of someone with more power and influence and control over my mind and emotions, my desire is to be broken down and destroyed and made dependent & needy on them and their validation and attention and aggression and desire to hurt me and see me covered in scars, blood, bruises open wounds and broken desperate bleeding tearful smiles, only way i could ever actually get close to “love” for someone else maybe in a twisted grotesque way..

probably why i’m so, intrigued by you & lurk your blog for nearly a year in silence, only talking to you now on anon, your words, view and nature are.. intriguing to me, poking at that side of me enamoured with the idea of brutality, violence, pain, danger, being completely destroyed as a person mentally and physically and emotionally, clear signs to avoid but can’t really leave or stop thinking about you fully even though i feel certain hesitation and fear i could get too intrigued and close to my own fascination with you, already i get a lil sense of glee and excitement when you answer my asks..

🩷

I’m sure you enjoy the suffering and pain. No longer begging for respect or admiration, but to be used and mistreated. Any kind of attention must be good attention, especially from the one you worship. Your desire, no, your purpose to be broken far exceeds any humanity left in you.

I’m sincerely flattered by that. I’m happy that my words ignite such a passion in you, especially the brutality and violence of my words. Isn’t pain and fear far more exciting? They offer such raw and vulnerable experiences that nothing else could ever come close to. You’re free to inch closer to me, but be careful, as soon as you become within my grasp I won’t ever let you go. <3

[aboveboardundertakings]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-nego-tiable, positivity is cool)

Thanks for tagging me in this! Late response, but here it goes:

1. When it comes to my job, I am able to complete tasks on average faster and with fewer mistakes than my peers with equal experience.

2. I am not an emotionally needy person. I do not look to others for validation, nor do I need to always have another person around to avoid despair; I am capable of being fully content with my own company.

3. I have a decent tolerance for discomfort.

4. This might be weird to put here because I barely post anything on tumblr, but I do consider myself pretty good at writing off the dome and accurately expressing my thoughts on things. I’m unreasonably proud of the quality of the goodreads reviews I write in one sitting, and from time to time I do reread my own reviews just to admire the wit of the author. A small part of me secretly believes I might actually be one of the greatest minds of my generation, despite the lack of evidence to support this belief.

5. As if all of this wasn’t enough, I am also attractive.

[flowetryvibez]

Unfiltered Thoughts, Vol. 05

“Go Heal, I’m Not Your Light Source.”

I’m over it.

Needy people. Energy drainers. Validation vultures.

I’m a low-maintenance woman who somehow attracts

every soul that refuses to sit with themselves.

Let me be clear:

I’m not your mother.

I’m not your therapist.

I am NOT your source of peace when you won’t even try to build your own.

You expect me to pour into your void

with water I collected during my drought?

You want peace from me that you won’t create for yourself?

YUCK.

Every day can’t be a crisis.

Every convo can’t be about how life did you dirty.

You ever say something positive?

You ever not need someone to cosign your victimhood?

Nope. Because you feed off validation like it’s oxygen.

But baby, that’s not healing—that’s dependency.

And I’m not the one anymore.

Yes, I’m a supportive friend.

Yes, I hold space.

But not at the expense of myself.

Because the real reason for the disconnect?

You’re running from accountability.

You’re allergic to self-work.

So to the high-maintenance, emotionally unkept folks:

Go fill that void somewhere else.

You can’t keep plugging into me like I’m your permanent power source.

My light is mine. And now?

It’s LIGHTS OUT.

– RémydaPOET

#UnfilteredThoughts #NotYourTherapist #LowMaintenanceNotLowValue #ProtectYourPeace #RémydaPOET

[braindump333]

To my future husband…

It’s not easy for me to say this, but I want to be honest with you about who I am and how I am in relationships. It’s something I’ve been working on understanding about myself. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been the “needy“ one in relationships. I know that word has negative connotations, but it’s how I’ve often felt. When I care about someone, I care intensely. It’s like my whole world starts to revolve around them. I guess it all started in my childhood. My parents well I think they did love me, but their love always felt conditional. My mom was very absent. Some days she would be around and actually be a mom, while other days she’d be gone, lost in her own world. I never knew which version of her I’d get. My dad, on the other hand, was always working. He provided for us, but he was never emotionally available. When he was around, it felt like I had to compete for his attention. I remember doing everything I could to make him proud, like getting great grades in school, to make him notice me. Their relationship was precarious. My dad was very manipulative and didn’t treat my mom very good. They’d get into fights, then eventually sweep the problem under the rug, and pretend everything is OK again. As a kid, it was very confusing and scary. I never knew if our “family“ was OK or if it was all about to fall apart again. I think that’s where my anxiety in relationship stems from. I learned that love is unpredictable, that it can be here one minute and gone the next. So now, as an adult, I’m constantly on high alert in my relationships. When I start caring about someone, it’s like a switch flips in my brain. Suddenly, I’m hyper aware of everything: every text, every call, every slight change in tone or expression. I’m always looking for signs that you’re pulling away or losing interest. I know it can be overwhelming. I tend to need a lot of reassurance. If you don’t text back quickly, my mind starts racing: “are they OK? Did I say something wrong? Are they losing interest?” I know it’s not rational, but in those moments, it feels so real. I crave closeness and intimacy. When we’re together, it’s amazing. But when we’re apart, I feel this emptiness, this anxiety that gnaws at me. I want to reach out constantly, to know that you’re thinking about me as much as I’m thinking about you. And conflicts, confrontations, disagreements, that’s when my anxiety really goes into overdrive. Any sign of disagreement feels like a threat to the relationship. I might become clingy, or I might lash out. Deep down, I’m terrified of abandonment, of losing you! I know I can be intense. I feel everything so deeply. When things are good, they’re incredibly good. It’s like I’m floating on cloud nine. But when there’s any hint of trouble, real or imagined, it’s like my world is ending, like hell on earth. I’ve noticed I have a tendency to lose myself in relationships. My interest, my friends, my goals, they all take a backseat to the relationship. I know it’s not healthy, but it’s like I don’t know how to be any other way. Sometimes I test a relationship without even realizing it. I might create conflicts or dramas, just to see how you react, to reassure myself that you care. I know it’s not fair to you, but it comes from this deep, seated fear of not being enough, of being rejected and abandoned once again. I want you to understand that when I’m acting clingy or needy, it’s not because I don’t trust you. It’s because I don’t trust that good things will last because I’ve learned that good things always come to an end. My childhood taught me that love is fleeting, that people leave, and I’m terrified of experiencing that pain again. But I’m trying to work on this, finding myself, building my self-esteem, healing from my wounds, becoming more secure, and learning to self soothe instead of constantly seeking external validation from you. I’m trying to understand that your need for space doesn’t mean you’re abandoning me. I know it’s not easy being with someone like me.

You might feel suffocated at times or frustrated by my need for constant reassurance. I get it, but I want you to know that I’m aware of these issues, and I’m actively trying to change. If you choose to be with me, I need you to please be patient. There will be times when my anxiety gets the best of me. Times when I might seem clingy or overly emotional. But I also promise you unwavering loyalty, deep empathy, and a love so strong it might overwhelm us both. I need open communication. If you need space, tell me. if I’m being too much, let me know. I’ll try not to take it personally, even though that’s hard for me. And please be clear about your feelings and intentions. Ambiguity is like kryptonite to me. I can’t promise you it will be easy. But I can promise you that I’ll try every day to do better, to love you in a healthier way. Because despite all my fears and anxieties, I do want to learn how to have a secure, balanced relationship. I understand if it’s too much. If you want to walk away now, I get it, even though it will hurt like hell. But if you’re willing to try, to work through this with me, then I’d be the happiest woman alive. Because all I’ve ever wanted, is someone who sees all of me - fears, anxieties, and all the ugly - and chooses to stay and love me anyway.

[jessdiscovers]

Thank you for sharing this so openly. It sounds like you’re navigating a meaningful but complex emotional landscape, and I can see that you both care deeply, just in very different ways.

From what you’ve shared, your boyfriend is very self-assured, values clarity, and prioritizes logical boundaries—which isn’t surprising for someone with a strong engineering mindset. When he said it was best to take a clean break for you to think about the relationship, it wasn’t necessarily cold or detached—it was his way of preserving dignity and emotional clarity for both of you. It’s an act of self-love, but also likely his way of protecting you from feeling pressured.

You, on the other hand, seem to experience connection through emotional presence and physical affirmation. These aren’t just preferences—they’re your love language, and feeling alone in that moment with his family likely struck something much deeper than just being left out of a conversation. It touched your need to feel held and emotionally anchored.

His response to your experience—saying he would have felt proud if it were him—wasn’t dismissive; it was just him projecting his emotional template onto you, not realizing that you operate from a very different emotional wiring. This isn’t a sign of incompatibility, but it is a signal that you both will need to actively translate for each other in this relationship.

What You Might Be Feeling:

• You want to feel seen, not just intellectually understood but emotionally held—especially in unfamiliar or vulnerable situations.

• You may feel hurt or unseen when he doesn’t express affection in the way you naturally recognize it.

• You appreciate his depth and strength—but wish it came with softer, more visible signs of emotional presence.

What He Might Be Feeling:

• He likely believes he is showing care—in the way that makes sense to him: trusting you, giving you space, believing in your strength.

• He may not understand why reassurance is needed if, from his point of view, nothing is wrong.

• He probably values internal steadiness and may not realize that external gestures (like small touches or checking in) are just as important to you as internal trust is to him.

⸻

Bridging the Gap

This is the good news: relationships like yours can be incredibly powerful because they bring together two different but complementary strengths—logic and emotion, independence and intimacy. But they need ongoing, clear dialogue. Some steps you might try:

1. Translate Intentions Into Actions

Let him know:

“When you put your hand on my lap or shoulder, I feel safe. I feel like we’re a team—even in a crowd. That physical touch makes me feel close to you.”

This gives him a clear, logical reason to do something emotionally meaningful.

2. Clarify What Loneliness Feels Like to You

You can say:

“When I’m meeting new people, and you’re not engaged or beside me, I start to feel alone—not because I can’t handle myself, but because I feel like I’m doing it without my person.”

This helps him understand it’s not about neediness, it’s about connection.

3. Acknowledge His Strengths While Asking for More

“I really admire how grounded you are and how you stay true to yourself. What would mean a lot to me is if you could show that grounding by being physically close when we’re with others—it’s like a silent way of saying ‘I’ve got you.’”

This validates his identity and invites him into yours.

⸻

A Thought to Reflect On:

You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for different. And he might need help realizing that what he wouldn’t need isn’t the same as what you don’t need. It’s not a failure of love—it’s just a difference in emotional vocabulary.

If he’s open to listening—and it sounds like he is—you might find a powerful middle ground. He might never be the type to shower you with words, but he might learn to reach for your hand in the middle of a crowded room… if he understands that, for you, that says everything.

[therealmistressmidnight]

Understimulated: The Challenges of a Hyperactive Sexual Individual

Intimacy is a complex dance, especially when you’re someone like me—a hyperactive sexual individual navigating the labyrinth of ADHD. There’s a constant push and pull between craving connection and feeling detached, a paradox that defines so much of my experience. On one side of the coin, there’s the insatiable need for stimulation, touch, and closeness. On the other, there are moments of profound disconnect, like those I’ve written about in Disconnected Desires: The Struggle of Intimacy with ADHD.

It’s strange to hold both truths at once—to feel like I’m always yearning for more while occasionally finding myself detached from the intimacy I crave.

The Irritation of Being Understimulated

When I feel understimulated, it’s like my mind and body are at war. I crave intensity, the spark of something that feels alive and electric. When I don’t get that, irritability takes over. It’s not directed at my partner but at the void—the empty space where connection and closeness should be.

This feeling of being “underfed” emotionally and physically can leave me spiraling. I get needy, clingy, and desperate for reassurance, which can be overwhelming for both me and my partner. It’s as if my desire becomes a tidal wave, threatening to drown everything in its path.

The Other Side of the Coin

But then there’s the flip side, the moments where I feel detached even in the presence of intimacy. As I mentioned in Disconnected Desires, there are times when my ADHD leaves me feeling like I’m watching my own experiences from a distance, unable to fully connect with what’s happening in the moment.

It’s strange to live with both of these realities—constantly craving intimacy while sometimes feeling incapable of fully embracing it. This duality can be confusing and frustrating, both for me and for my partner.

The Hyperactive Drive

My hyperactive sexual drive adds another layer to this complexity. On one hand, it can be a beautiful thing—an expression of love, passion, and connection. On the other, it can feel like a relentless demand, one that’s difficult to temper or explain.

When I’m in the “understimulated” phase, it’s like my entire being is shouting, “Pay attention to me! Touch me! Make me feel alive!” But when I’m in the “detached” phase, I pull away, retreating into myself even when I don’t want to. It’s a delicate balance that requires constant self-awareness and communication.

A Constant Paradox

Living with these opposing forces is exhausting but also uniquely mine. I’m learning to embrace the contradictions, to accept that my ADHD plays a significant role in how I experience intimacy and connection. Some days, I’m overwhelmed with desire and need. Other days, I struggle to feel anything at all.

What’s most important is understanding that both sides of this coin are valid. They’re not flaws but facets of who I am—a person navigating a complex relationship with intimacy, connection, and self.

For anyone else who experiences this paradox, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel like you’re “too much” one moment and “not enough” the next. The journey to understanding and embracing these feelings is ongoing, but it’s one worth taking.

[maerenee930]

random thoughts.

kinda venting. just need to get some stuff/feelings out of my head.

heads up, i do mention depression and anxiety.

the past couple of weeks have been so rough. 😣😓

work has been something else and it’s been taking a toll on me mentally, emotionally and physically.

this is stupid and not actually a big deal, it was just a “aw, come on. really?” *sigh* kind of moment. you know?

so the other day i came home for lunch to take my medication and well, have lunch lol. i was reeeally looking forward to having a salami sandwich cause it just sounded so good! but then when i went to the fridge to get what i needed so i could make my sandwich, no bread 🙁

and there’s just been other little things like that lately and idk… it’s just all feeling a lot.

what doesn’t help is that my mom has been having a tough time mentally and emotionally lately as well. (for various reasons) and seeing her struggling with her mental health issues (and family issues.) has been breaking my heart 😭 all i wanna do is help her or try and make things better for her. but i can’t 😞 and i feel so useless. 😔 how can i not help the person who is always there for me and helps me when i need her.? why can’t i just know what to do to help make things a little bit better for her.?😣

you know what also really sucks? feeling so hopeless cause your depression is kicking your ass but then also invalidating your own feelings cause that’s just who you are and what you do to yourself and you try and just distract yourself and ignore the depression just hoping it’ll finally go away for a minute or a bit but it obviously doesn’t 🤦‍♀️

like uuuugh!! why can’t i be normal and just fucking let myself feel how i need to and why do i always invalidate my own feelings still? like how can i know that my feelings are valid and it’s okay to actually feel that they are valid, but don’t actually let myself feel them or feel that they are valid. i just don’t get it. why am i like this? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

i’m soo fucking tired of feeling like i have to cry but can’t. like sometimes i physically just can’t cry and as weird as it sounds, it hurts 😣 and i just feel like i’m not allowed to cry right now. like i need to be strong for my mom and not let my shit stop me from being there for her or supporting her when she needs me/needs someone.

i’m tired of feeling like i’m not allowed to feel negative feelings. that because i objectively and realistically have it soo good and that things could be waaay worse than they are that, i’m not allowed to feel depressed. i’m not allowed to feel like i wanna run away and need a break from everything.

like in my head, i’m not allowed to feel lonely when realistically i know i’m not. and i’m only lonely (didn’t mean to rhyme lmao) because i don’t reach out to anyone. so i don’t really have the right to feel that way. i mean like if i don’t ask people to hang out/spend time with me or be there for me, then i don’t get to feel lonely. i could change it and i don’t.

(but i don’t reach out to anyone or ask them because i’m afraid i’m bothering them or that i’m annoying them. that if they say yes, they’re only saying it because they feel obligated to/like they have to. or i worry that by me asking them to hang out with me, it’s gonna come off as needy and obnoxious. i also don’t tend to reach out because i worry that people will say no. i worry that they’ll actually just not want to hang out/spend time with me. and my anxiety gets the better of me and it makes me feel bad about myself. i start to feel like i did something to make people not want spend time with me. or if they say no because they have plans, i get disappointed. that is stupid, i know lol. but it’s just something that gets to me. i mean not as much as it used to cause i worked on that when i was in therapy, but still sometimes it still does get to me and it bums me out so it makes me not want to like put myself out there to possibly be rejected. if that makes any sense at all. and i’m sure/i know there’s more to it than i like actually realize and i’m sure i’ll figure out what it is and work on that when i at some point go back to therapy 😅 and i do have other reasons as to why i worry why someone will say no, but i won’t get into that right now 😅🙃😂 so anyway lol.)

but yeah, so i’m just very frustrated with myself.

there’s more that i want to say but i’ll leave it at all of this rambling nonsense for now. i mean i’m sure i’ll make another post with the other stuff i feel like getting out of my head/off of my mind soon.

[showtoonzfan]

I really try to understand and reread the Ken document to see where Viv’s supporters are coming from, but I’m sorry, all I thought when I was done reading it is that Vivienne is just mentally unstable to the point where she can’t carry a normal and steady conversation without either being petty or freaking out. I think that’s why so many of her peeps and fans excuse her because they see her in a vulnerable state and see her say she’s “shaking” and that she can’t handle this, so everyone coddles her and thinks that Ken must have said something to warrant a reaction like this out of Vivzie…….expect….they didn’t.

Ken never harassed or poked Vivzie, they never got angry and forceful, but when they reasonably give Viv VALID constructive criticism about how she should be crediting her artists since she’s leading an INDIE team (and can’t figure that out apparently since she compared herself to fucking Disney) apparently that was enough to send Vivzie off the edge immediately and think that Ken was attacking her, when Ken said it themselves, they were just talking to her. To have fans paint Ken out to be this needy person who demanded credit in unwarranted aspects is disgusting, because what they said in their document was true. They HAD been responsible for writing MAIN plot points, jokes, and ideas that all made their away into the final product, and the fact that they only got an “additional writing” credit rather than having their name up with Viv, Dave, and Raymond is bullshit.

Viv’s point she had made of Ken’s writing only being in the “early stages” is literally a lie because what they wrote ended up in the final product, not only writing main jokes but Alastor being in the pilot and investing in the hotel, Angel being there for free rent and being the first hotel patron, Charlie trying to convince those of redemption ect. And then when the two brushed it aside, good ol’ perfect Vivzie called Ken an abuser to others, saying false things behind their back while ALSO pretending to be nice to them upfront. That’s my biggest issue. Tell me one instance where Ken was “abusing” Vivzie. They weren’t, Viv is just so fucking emotionally sensitive with zero thick skin and sees anyone daring to criticize her as an attack, and she’s STILL like that to this day. I really don’t see how people can read a document of her not only tracing and not crediting someone, but talking lies behind someone’s back while also being nice..and STILL support her, I really can’t. And it’s funny when some of y’all think that we want Hazbin to cease to exist or Helluva to stop running….no….we don’t give a shit about the shows, we want Viv to get the consequences of her actions and her victims to get justice. We want her to own up to what she’s done, especially the recent drama, and yet she never does cause in her eyes she can do no wrong. She always fucking acts like she did nothing wrong, or blames her behavior on everyone but herself. She’s a 30 year old woman, she acts like a child and needs to be kicked down a notch. She never learns from her experiences or gets better and it really is tiring to see people side with her EVERY single time, despite their being countless evidence clear as day that she’s an entitled brat, with even ANOTHER spindle-member coming out and revealing that they were mistreated as well:

All I can say is that I hope more members are inspired to come out, and not afraid, especially since there are ex members who came out that we haven’t heard a word from, like Salem Squidder, the person above, even Ashley Nichols. People need to realize that wether you like Viv or not, people were HURT by her, and she needs to come forward and confront it, not vague tweet and hide behind her fanbase, leaving everyone to fight her battles instead of herself.

[echo-of-sounds]

pregnancy

Small headcanons of how Aizawa, Toshinori, Hizashi, Fatgum, Gang Orca, and Hound Dog would be through your pregnancy.

I don’t write about giving birth (as I’m mildly terrified of doing so) so I didn’t add anything about that. Please don’t ask for me to. And even though I’m not interested in getting pregnant, I think I’d be okay with it if Kugo or Ryo were the father.

EDIT: I love picturing all of these men with little girls. It’s just so cute!

Warnings: uh, pregnancy

Aizawa Shouta

Shouta isn’t one to jump for joy when you tell him. However, you will get to see his handsome smile when he grabs your waist, breathing out a light laugh of happiness as he tightly hugs you. His smile won’t disappear for a while. Every time he glances at you, one simply finds its way onto his face.

It may not be by a whole lot, but his behavior changes. Just a little. When you’re out and about, his hand finds its way to your back or elbow much more often, particularly in a crowd. It’s the paternal instincts kicking in. His favorite cuddling position, laying between your legs with his head on your stomach, becomes harder the farther along you are. He adjusts to laying behind you, keeping a hand on your tummy throughout the entire night.

Shouta hides his worries well. Even the people closest to him have a tough time telling what exactly is going on with him. Sometimes, it’s a good thing. He’s a stable person to lean on. But it’s difficult to deal with when you’re hormonal and emotional. He pushes himself so hard to speak more. There’s no way of him understanding everything you’re going through, but when he opens up, he can tell just how much you appreciate it during the tough times. So he does it near-daily, checking in with each other before bed.

He hates how busy his life is. Well, he’s always kind of hated it. Now it’s worse because his partner’s pregnant, and he’s stuck in a room with screaming children when he should be bringing you to your appointments. Shouta attempts to make up for the absence by heading home every night and helping around the house more. Step in. Explain how you value his help, but also need him to relax. If he gets overworked, that would only stress you more.

Shouta changes his eating habits and fitness routines. He wants you to eat well for yourself and your child. He wants you to keep exercising for yourself and your child. He simply wants your body to be healthy. Don’t grumble because he’ll throw your complaining back in your face when the Lamaze coach explains how important physical health is. But don’t worry, his cute smile makes up for the teasing.

Yagi Toshinori

Toshinori is starstruck. Too many thoughts flood and fight. He loves children and has always wanted a family. Being able to father one with you is indescribable. And he never thought the universe would grant any of that. On the flip side, his fear is also undefinable. People know who he is now; who knows what’s out there, waiting to expose All Might’s weakness. The rapid thoughts may bring a tear or two. Cup his face and kiss them away, reassuring him that everything’s okay.

The fears follow him throughout your pregnancy. Like all things (with you and him), there are good days and bad days. His emotions ramp-up during your emotional and physically unwell days. He tries his best to push them down to focus on you. But they eventually end up spilling over. It’ll be common for both of you to cry at the end of the day, snuggled together, talking about the future, worries, and anticipations.

In general, Toshinori isn’t that protective. He trusts you and your abilities. Just because you’re pregnant, doesn’t mean you’re suddenly disabled. You can still do things. Although, he does become a bit of a helicopter. Whenever you bend over to pick up a bag, he beats you to it. He swoops the laundry basket from your hands, claiming, ‘You shouldn’t be lifting heavy things,’ despite it not even being ten pounds. He’s just very watchful of your movements.

He’s very active in dieting, doctor’s appointments, and planning. He eats well, so it’s easy for him to aid you in that respect. For doctors, he has quite a lot of contacts and knows many doctors from his time in the hospital. He asks around, only accepting the best for you. Planning, shopping, and setting up the nursery are his favorite parts. He loves choosing the sweetest colors, softest blankets, and, of course, all the adorable All Might onesies, toys, and superhero books he can find. The nursery is set up perfectly.

Toshinori doesn’t admit how incredibly your pregnant body enchants him. It isn’t always a horny, sexual need. It’s about admiring your body and what it’s creating. He just wonders at you. All the time. Sometimes the changes may make you feel insecure. He’s always there to listen and assure you how amazing your body is. If you want cuddles and kisses, he’ll give them with a smile. If you want gentle lovemaking, he guides you onto your back and gives you exactly what you want.

Yamada Hizashi

Expect a loud song of love, a bear hug, and jumping for joy when you tell him. Hizashi loves kids. He thinks they’re amazing and say some of the greatest things. And he’s beyond excited to see their quirk. Of course, it doesn’t mean he’ll love them any less if they’re born quirkless. He just loves imagining a little one with a similar quirk running around your place.

He is all about redecorating and planning. The entire apartment is getting babyfied and rearranged. The nursery will be beautifully painted. He regularly comes home with cute outfits and stuffed animals. Partly, it’s because he’s just so excited. The other part is he wants you to relax through the pregnancy. No stress, pressure, and unnecessary burden on your shoulders. He’s there to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible.

Hizashi doesn’t just spoil your unborn child; he spoils you, buying you those pregnancy pillows, your favorite ice cream, driving you everywhere, etc… He just hates how much time his jobs take. He’d rather spend his time with you. To help, he’ll ask for time off of patrols, choosing to be closer with you, physically, mentally, and emotionally, during your pregnancy.

In the later months, Hizashi is all over you. Seriously, he will not leave you alone. He’s very handsy, kneading and licking your swollen, sore breasts, and stroking your belly. Your body, and everything it’s doing, is utterly gorgeous to him. He’ll suck away, gently nursing on your nipple while dozing off to Tv, occasionally switching to the other so it isn’t left needy.

Toyomitsu Taishiro

When you tell Taishiro, you’ll only be able to get out a few words before you’re lifted off your feet and spun around. He smooches all over your face, laughing and cheering about how amazing and perfect and stunning you are. You’ll have to ask to be put down lest you get sick from all his spinning. But his compliments keep coming. They won’t dwindle for a while. There’s just too much love in his body to keep inside.

Whatever you’re craving, no matter if it’s pineapple dipped in ketchup, he gives without complaint. He may try some of your odd combinations. Who knows? You could be on to something new. At the same time, he also watches out for your health. The cravings suck. He understands that. He truly does. But if you ate something sweet/not as healthy for lunch, then he plans a healthy dinner for you. Your body’s going crazy. It needs its nutrients.

Your worries are always taken seriously. It could be the most absurd thing to be anxious over. Tai always listens. His cute smile and never-ending positivity help a ton. Your body and brain are going through a lot. He’ll do his part to validate all your feelings. He talks down the anxieties as you eat pickles on ice cream, making sure you are and feel heard.

Since he works one job compared to the others, he’s able to be with you much more, notably during the hard-to-handle days and at appointments. And he picks up extra chores so you can rest through aches and pains. Any choices you make regarding your pregnancy and birth, he supports. He may not agree with everything, but he loves you, and it’s your body. He’ll always put your comfort and wishes first.

Tai treasured your tummy before. But now, seeing you growing with his child, he’s absolutely enraptured. He places nightly and morning kisses on your belly. When he wakes you up, his kisses trail down to the bump. Every night, he rubs lotion into your tummy, kissing and cooing to his child. It doesn’t matter if you’re only one week pregnant, and it’s just a clump of cells in there. Tai still sings to them.

Gang Orca

Kugo is in disbelief when you tell him. He freezes, staring, hardly hearing your words. Give him five minutes. He’ll process what you said and snap back to the present. Watch out because you’re going to get lifted high into the air and maybe tossed like a father does a baby. He’s just practicing. It’ll only take one or two days for him to slip into paternal mode. It’s damn near instinct for him.

As per usual, he’s a gentle paragon behind closed doors. Throughout your pregnancy, he melts into a puddle of sweet honey. His overall affection skyrockets. His hands and claws are as tender as possible whenever they touch you, doing whatever you need him to: massaging your back and legs, rubbing lotion all over, or brushing your hair. He reassures you through tears. He prepares healthy meals that satisfy your cravings. And he holds you all night, keeping you safe on his chest and in his arms.

Kugo goes to every single checkup and appointment. It doesn’t matter if it’s just an ordinary visit to your primary care doctor; he calls out of work and goes with you. At any ultrasounds, expect a few tears, especially when you hear the heartbeat for the first time. He holds them in until you’re alone. The second the door closes, his forehead is nudging yours as small, loved-filled tears fall. He never thought he’d get a family. Part of him thought he didn’t deserve a family, but you’ve proven that false repeatedly.

The farther along you are, the more he watches out for you. He checks in every morning to make sure you took your medicine and vitamins. He washes you so you don’t strain yourself. If you’re waddling, he offers his arm for support and helps you stand. If your back hurts, he applies a heating patch to your lower back and puts your shoes on for you. If you need it, he can carry you to the car and into where you’re going.

As does everyone, Kugo has doubts about his quirk and abilities. People have always viewed those with mutations differently. And it can affect their health, leading to numerous doctor visits and tests. He doesn’t want his baby to deal with the staring, whispers, self-doubts, and distress he did. To support him, talk in detail about his fears and help him realize he’s never disappointed you or hurt anyone. Kugo’s exactly how he should be.

Hound Dog

Ryo doesn’t have a tail, but you’ll definitely see a little happy wiggly before he hugs you. The following week, he keeps you close as he acts differently: rubbing up against you to ensure you smell like him, touching your nose with his, lapping along your neck, sleeping incredibly close, and occasionally smelling between your legs, licking the air around there to smell better. It’s awkward, almost weird, since it isn’t average ‘human’ behavior. But if you love him, let him do it. Please. Understand his nose works differently. It reassures and comforts him to smell you, checking in to see if anything’s changed.

Ryo gets protective when you’re on your period: When you’re pregnant, it’s so, so incredibly worse. He hovers, grumbling low at those walking by. Others barely hear it. It’s intense enough for you to feel it when he’s behind you. He doesn’t like people running up to you, or startling you, or roughhousing or playing in any way. He’s lenient with children, less with teens. Women get a deep growl and scowl. God help any man that approaches you. You might have to have him wear his Hero outfit’s muzzle until you give birth. Though, that might not help because then he’d be protective of two people.

It’s only the teensiest amount better at home. He makes you rest, almost too much. After work or some time outside, he shuffles you to the couch so you can’t overwork yourself. He’s a pleasant change of pace from his typical gruff self. However, as great as he is at the physical needs, he still struggles with the emotional aspects. You can cry on his shoulder, complain, and talk about your worries all you need to. He’s just a bit clunky when it comes to reciprocating the soft emotions. But he puts all his heart into it, and it’s easy to tell.

Ryo is also one who loves pregnancy sexy. You’re swollen and sensitive, and he loves watching your breasts bounce, maybe even leak a little depending on how far along you are. And since you’re already pregnant, he releases and stays inside. After, he lays behind you, keeping himself deep in you despite being flaccid, just feeling how wet and aroused and full you are because of him. When the heated moment is finally done, he licks you clean, nearly getting drunk off your smell.

[romantic-reveries]

I literally basically told this man I’m fucking over-emotional and sensitive and dramatic and I have a lot of issues and he went “okay, maybe someone like me could help keep you calm” por qué?¿ Hello??? This man. I am on my knees for this man. Like I keep giving him little doses of my neediness and over-abundance of affection and emotionality and he’s like a fucking cement building in a storm—totally unshaken. He’s never as verbally validating as I might like (or maybe just am used to) but the actions. Holy shit. He’s just so fucking there and present.

I told him today that I don’t drive since we were talking about potentially meeting and he lives two hours away (which he previously considered “long distance”) and I’m panicking like fuck, this is it, this is where he goes like, this is too much, I don’t wanna have to drive to you if we decide we wanna be together, which is… I mean, kind of the whole point of this trip. We’re meeting because we have feelings for each other and we want to see what could be there. And this man says he “doesn’t think that’s a big deal”?!?¿??¿?! He said it would make things more difficult, but he still wants to meet me. And I know he wouldn’t be coming up here just for a one time thing. I even gave him the option of just coming to my house and he didn’t want to do that for our first meeting, which means anything physical aside from kissing is totally off the table, so it’s not about that. He wouldn’t come just to meet me the one time and call it good. I think if he thought that would be too much work in a potential relationship, he’d back off entirely, because he’s too into me now.

When I told him about not driving, I was embarrassed, and I told him how the urge to self-sabotage and be like “actually let’s not do this goodbye forever” was very real, and he was taking longer to respond than I wanted (not even long, I was just freaking out) and I was like “actually I’ve decided to take that option, you don’t have to respond” and immediately followed it with “just kidding (kind of)” and he goes “my heart stopped there for a second!” so he’s obviously fairly attached and doesn’t want me to go. He wants to talk to me all the time, even though I talk too fucking much. He even set up another movie date for tomorrow.

I just like… it’s so strange and wonderful. And I might get to meet him in a couple weeks? Touch him? Hug him and hold his hand? See his expressions and body language and take all of him in? Insane.

[buddiewho]

Just saw this post

Going to be honest. It’s actually now a nugget of truth for myself but I kept thinking of Buck.

Made a response reblog and in it I talked about how the crane incident was stemming from a deeper level of inadequacy. Buck has always felt this way even when it comes to saving strangers. It’s just who he is. There is an immense emotional need to help others. An immense empathy that often clouds how he himself is feeling. This inherent ability to empathize is why I’ve often thought Buck had trouble processing his emotions and also the fact he never felt loved by his parents.

The only love came from Maddie who as we all remember gave up her escape from a trauma she kept shielded/secret. She gave him the jeep because it was better she deal with how things started to change with Doug rather than let Buck stay with their parents. I mean come on! “They’re not bad people, just bad parents.” But the fact that she cared more about getting Buck away from them then getting herself away from Doug…ugh phew. Anyway, what I mean to talk about is the idea that Buck has always wanted to feel emotionally safe but rarely does anyone validate those feelings. Since in the beginning he was sort of a I don’t follow the rules show off punk they assume (Bobby, Hen and Chim) that he’ll always be like that. Hen said it directly, “you lack discipline” and indeed he did because neglectful parents who forced him into an emotionally trapped state that says I only get your attention when I’m hurt so hey ma look I’m in a tree. And then things happened by accident such as angry motorcycle riding which to be fair some ppl can assess emotions and be like driving anything is not a good idea, but still while he was driving recklessly he accidentally crashed the bike. Still parents think it’s because he’s reckless and wild. He’s doing it on purpose to spite them. And sure, he was doing it on purpose but for entirely different emotional reasons. Neglect is emotional abuse. I’ve held onto this notion that if the Buckley parents didn’t work through their trauma individually and together then there is no building that bridge back to Buck. Therapy isn’t going to cut it if the parents keep thinking they’re not at fault for anything or weren’t neglecting Buck. Just throwing that out there. Also, they need to recognize they burdened Maddie with the responsibility of raising Buck because they couldn’t dare to do as Buck was a stinging reminder of Daniel and their “coping mechanism” was to ignore him.

Okay, so maybe this therapist quote made me think of the Buckley family issues as a whole, but it also brings to mind how most of us think Eddie validating Buck’s feelings, making Buck feel more worth it is all that’s needed and that maybe everyone else isn’t coming from a place of sincerity? Firstly, I’d like to remind everyone that Buck never directly says how he’s feeling. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with his feelings. He doesn’t want to come off as needy and so he stows it away and let’s everyone else unburden their feelings. He is a good listener because he’s never thought of his feelings as valid. And seeing as Bobby, Hen and Chim lived through Buck 1.0, I think it’s hard not to think he’s showing off. In some respect, there can be show boating on calls, I suppose, but the nitty gritty is that in the beginning Buck was taking it too far. Except most everyone has trouble reading his state of mind which Buck shouldn’t expect them to do; not everyone is a mind reader of emotions like he is. Most of them have trouble seeing emotional growth as a win. For Buck it’s been about emotional growth and a place to feel emotionally safe. It’s true though the show has made it explicitly known that part of feeling emotionally safe is having a safe space. Where or who is that safe space? Well, inside and outside of the fire station one person connected to the universe fills that role.

What does Buck have? Basically, the end of season 4 told us that inside and outside the fire station he has Eddie and Christopher. And that’s the future….

Why make this blatant contrast making Eddie +Christopher all the more important next to Bobby, Hen and then of course Chim who is definitely extended Buckley family now? I think everyone in Buck’s life comes from a place of sincerity but Buck himself places emotional weight into what Eddie says or thinks about him, thus making it seem more important than what anyone else says or does. They both do this with each other, and why make such a big stink….

If it doesn’t lead to anything else?