#I love having such a vivid imagination and being able to get off from visual and auditory feedback combined with the pressure

[bastardcherub]

MAN. prosthetic dicks are SO HOT.

BEING ABLE TO FEEL THE STRAP IS JUST- HDHSJSJDDJSJDJDJ

[sspookayy]

"𝚄𝚗𝚠𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚗" || Cecil Stedman x Reader

Description:

Where extraordinary beings wield incredible powers, the GDA embarks on a groundbreaking project to synthesize DNA in pursuit of creating the ultimate weapon. But when things don't go as planned the project everyone was worked so hard for is put on hold, suspended in time.

"I don't understand.. If you loved me then why did you do this?!"

"Love makes us make tough decisions sometimes."

This took me all day lol

*crossposted on Tumblr, Wattpad, and Ao3*

Chapters Intro

Words

5.8k

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Chapter 1-

Getting up and beginning the day was always the biggest challenge. The hard struggle to wake your mind was like eternity, but to be able to slide out of your painfully stiff bed was at least the easier half. When the clock struck 6 a.m., breakfast was served—a new serving of flavorless gruel that slid into your stomach. One couldn't help but speculate how, being such a great asset, you were given such meager rations. The revolting meal only augmented the sterile, prison-like ambiance that surrounded your presence.

Your room itself was a bleak gray devoid of any color, making it feel more like a cell than your space. You would often dream of the day that you would be liberated from this place, and envision a cheerful house with vibrant colors and inviting rooms. And yet you knew reality was far off—there was still so much to accomplish to reach your physical, mental, and emotional goals. Nevertheless, you had the hope that once you had traveled that path, you would be liberated, soaring through the air like a bird released from a cage. How you yearned to be among regular everyday human beings, to breathe the cold, fresh air, and to tread on real grass beneath your feet instead of the fake, lifeless material that carpeted the floors of the mockup training centers.

Your heart ached for those simple, rich moments that lay only the distance of a fantasy away. Your mind's eye could almost visualize the sunlight spilling through high windows draped in cheerful curtains, illuminating a kitchen filled with laughter and the smell of warm bread. You fantasized about cozy corners where you could curl up in a good book, surrounded by walls splashed with bright colors that reflected your spirit and soul.

And so here, the day flowed into the day after, each separated only by the antiseptic walls that echoed with distant footsteps and routine. The dullness all around you as reminder of what was to be—the way perilous, perhaps, but also paved in hope for tomorrow. And so you understood with every step toward your bolstered body, with every step your training carried you toward, there was a piece on which a foundation was laid toward your freedom.

Sometimes, late at night when the world outside sounded improbably close, leaves whispering in the faintest breeze, and birds singing good morning to the day. Those sounds pulled at your heartstrings, inducing an overwhelming longing to capture the life that you so desperately craved —a life filled with relationship, laughter, and genuineness.

Resolute, you set yourself tiny goals, each one a step nearer to that vivid future. Whether it was a training session that pushed you to your limits or a moment of self-reflection that delved deep into your psyche, every effort brought you nearer to the individual you wanted to become. And as you imagined the day when you would gain your freedom, you held fast to the dream that beyond dingy walls stretched a world for you out there—a world replete with life, energy, and tinged with colors of possibility.

But what you didn't know as you sat in your room, was that your freedom was much closer than you possibly could have thought of, because somewhere else in the facility was Director Radciffe, settling into a meeting room with other scientists, doctors, and other professionals from different fields. Along in the room were a few of the higher up agents, who all had the privilege of being in on the experimental project that everyone has been working on for over a decade. Among those agents had just happened to be the one you managed to catch a glimpse of the other day, Cecil Stedman. He by far wasn’t new in the GDA, but was one of their most promising agents, having assisted in the capture of multiple villains, stopping of terroristic threats and even mass bombings with lethal chemicals.

With the click of the meeting room door shutting, the muffled hum of the air conditioning unit provided a background hum to the somberness in the air. Director Radcliffe took in the table, making sure each attendee recognized the gravity of their mission. Pens scratched and papers crinkled as the team navigated the task of sinking deeply into discussions that would reshape the very face of their organization.

“Ladies and gentlemen," Radcliffe began, his voice stern and commanding. "We stand on the cusp of a breakthrough that can reshape our approach to containment and rehabilitation of potential threats. Project 47C is more than an upgrade of our present protocols; it is a revolution." His eyes swept the group, searching for any sign of doubt or disbelief.

Cecil sat back in his chair, arms folded, a small smile spreading as he observed how Radcliffe's excitement was reflected in his own. Having spent years chasing justice, Cecil felt they were finally on the brink of something huge—a means of tapping into the potential of the very forces they were trying to master.

One of the younger scientists, Dr. Elena Krause, interrupted. "With all due respect, Director, has there been any work on the ethical implications of playing with individuals who possess superhuman abilities? We know that they have fractured psyches due to the nature of their abilities, and manipulating those variables can have catastrophic effects.".

Radcliffe leaned forward. "That's the very reason that we're here. We've got a recommended model for integration, one which takes into account psychological testing, monitoring, and a fail-safe mechanism to cut down on risk. We cannot let sentiment cloud our judgment when the stakes are this high.".

From the other side of the room, a buzz-cut agent interjected, "If everything works out, the subjects will be beneficial, not threats. Think about it—no more containment cells, only cooperation. Imagine using their abilities for the common good under our guidance."

Dr. Krause frowned, quite clearly not believing her. "You're proposing a fantasy, and in the world of superhumans, fantasies become nightmares. You're going to utilize untapped abilities—abilities that could cause vast destruction if they malfunction. We need to be worried about their autonomy and mindset."

Cecil leaned forward, intrigued by the scientist's perspective, but excitement was in the air. Radcliffe had that glint in his eye—the same look he had when introducing revolutionary technology or unveiling new ventures. "I know you're concerned, Elena, and we do need a strong ethical guideline. But the reality is that these individuals, if they are left unchecked or misread, pose a constant threat—not just to us, but to society itself. We have a responsibility to turn potential enemies into allies."

The buzz-cut agent, who now stood against the wall, sneered. "And just think of the PR! Rehabilitating ex-threats as heroes—can you imagine the media firestorm? We'd be credited as superhuman rehabilitation pioneers. It could revolutionize the public image of our organization overnight.".

Dr. Krause shook her head, disappointment etched into her features. “You’re saying you’d rather sell a narrative than ensure these individuals receive the care they need. This isn’t an opportunity for glory; it’s about lives—theirs and ours.”

Radcliffe was getting short-tempered. "I understand that there are ethical issues, but we're not discussing playing God—we're discussing regaining control. You all know what's occurred over the past few years—how many lives were lost due to the fact that we were unable to contain threats? We cannot be naive.".

It was a classic standoff—a battle of science against ethics, of pragmatism against morality. Amidst the firecracker exchange, a soft but firm voice at the far end of the table intervened. It was that of Agent Lila Grant, a seasoned veteran and one of the older field agents who had seen the consequences of both excess and inaction firsthand.

"Director Radcliffe, if I might, the balance you're striving for is good. We've seen what occurs when we try to control that which we can never fully understand. Yes, we must devise some way of mitigating threats, but we can never lose sight of the human element here. There's a person behind these abilities, a person whose life can't be reduced to experimentation or collateral damage."

Cecil felt a surge of agreement in his own heart. He had worked with Lila and knew that her compassion was rivaled only by her commitment to justice. She was adept at bridging gaps, grasping the subtleties of human nature in an arena long ruled by hard-headed arithmetic.

Radcliffe took a deep breath, obviously frustrated. "Idealism will not save us from an angry superhuman bent on destroying us. We can't wait for the perfect solution. Time is not on our side.".

The air in the room was electric with tension, each one aware that what they had to say could mean the very fate of Project 47C. For Cecil, more was riding on this than ever before. He risked—opening his mouth not only to say what was wise, but to consider the implications of the proposal.

"Director, certainly efficiency is imperative, but perhaps we might secure the subjects in a phased assimilation process? We could begin with volunteers—that is, people who already actively seek cooperation or redemption. Perhaps they could be a bridge leading from their world to our and be respectful of their autonomy."

Radcliffe's brow wrinkled as he pondered Cecil's suggestion. "You want to treat them like partners, and not like captives?”

"Exactly," Cecil insisted, his tone even but strong. "If we can first build trust and respect, we may not only be able to utilize their abilities but include them in the healing process as well. Many of them are still struggling with their past; they should be able to reclaim their story."

Dr. Krause's eyes lit up, and Lila concurred. "Pilot programs could provide us with valuable information and feedback. We can't ignore the psychological reality of this—accepting their stories matters.".

Radcliffe rubbed his temple, weighing their words. He was torn between guarded hope and a feeling of duty—both options with risks of their own. "I'll consider phased implementation, but we have to move quickly. We have to be vigilant. If we execute Project 47C, we'll accomplish both our mission and our code."

As the meeting reached its conclusion, a subtext to the atmosphere emerged. Fear mingled with hope, since a feasible scheme began to coalesce, but the unpredictable ramifications remained threateningly suspended in the air.

-

At long last, the moment arrived for you to be released, hours after breakfast. Today’s agenda promised a series of activities: a straightforward flight training exercise, followed by lessons in battle strategy, and concluding with a light workout before dinner and the evening vitals assessment. As you dressed in a snug tank top and comfortable workout shorts, anticipation tingled in your veins.

Stepping out of your room, you were accompanied by Dr. Blackwell, the senior scientist in charge of your daily activities. She was a middle-aged woman whose steady presence had been a comforting normal in your life—a kind of mother figure. Dr. Blackwell's very real concern for your well-being could be observed; her compassionate heart shone benevolence like sunbeams, but she was evidently capable of holding a visible boundary marking her professionalism. Her work ethic too often appeared to be a motherly duty, a blend of instinctive caregiving and dedication to her work.

With the soles of your feet making soft, slow sounds on the cold, hard floor, the echo was dampened softly through the sterile halls, offering a rhythmic backdrop for your thoughts. Each step was sounded as if with determination, a reminder of hurdles to be cleared and opportunities to be seized.

You paused for a moment outside the training hall, a simulated room that replicated the outside world. Beyond that door lay a world where you could spread your wings, figuratively and take a headlong dive into the whirlpool of flying, strategy, and hard work that awaited. Drawing in a deep breath, you stepped forward to take the day and accept that now was your time to forge your own path in a world which had so very often appeared so restrictive.

As you pushed open the door to the training center, the familiar hum of machinery surrounded you. The simulation room was vast, its high ceiling high enough to accommodate your soaring flights. Virtual worlds—mountains, valleys, and open sky—filled the digitally created horizon, ready to challenge your skills. You could sense the anticipation rising within you, along with the familiar cautions of nervousness that preceded any crucial training session.

“Remember”, Dr. Blackwell responded, her voice stern and encouraging, as you came in. "Focus on your attitude and path. Your skills are phenomenal, but control is the key. It's not necessarily how high you can soar, but how well you can interpret wind currents and obstructions"

You nodded, leveling your breathing as you moved to the starting platform reserved for launching dives into the simulated realm. You sensed the crackling energy that thrummed beneath your skin, a presence that was familiar as you got ready to fly.

With a swift movement, you leapt off the platform, muscles tensing and releasing in a fluid burst of power. Weightlessness enveloped you, and air rushed past your face as you burst upward. The virtual sky stretched out before you, a bright blue filled with the golden hues of a simulated sun. You sliced through the air, your body automatically knowing what to do as you looped and flew.

“Great!" Dr. Blackwell shouted down from the ground. "Now, level and stabilize at fifty feet!”

You changed your position, arms extended a little and legs bending at the knees, sensing the slight change in your center of gravity. The air resistance changed as you settled, hovering motionless. Catching your breath, you stood still to appreciate the breathtaking view. The world around you was surprisingly real—the feel of the simulated ground, the creak of trees in the simulated wind, even the buzz of simulated wildlife spread across the horizon.

“Now, engage your combat maneuvers,” Dr. Blackwell instructed. “Let’s simulate a threat. Picture an enemy combatant approaching from your right!”

Adrenaline ran through you as you whirled in mid-air, instinctively assessing the imaginary foe. Your wrist cracked, your mind recalling your power to hold energy in a concentrated blast, and unleashed a tightly packed beam of energy at the figment of an enemy. It undulated through the air, electric charge crackling within it, hitting the ground near the simulated enemy.

“Good use of your energy!” Dr. Blackwell praised, her eyes sparkling with pride. “Now, let’s increase the challenge. I’ll add wind simulations and obstacles!”

Suddenly, gusts of wind assailed you, testing your agility and poise. You changed rapidly, feeling the pull of the currents and using your flight abilities to ride out the sudden shift. Swirling gusts attempted to confuse you as violently swaying limbs from simulated trees sought to deflect you. With a smooth curve, you leaned forward, making skilled passage through the simulated trees, each turn precise.

Great!" Dr. Blackwell cut through the chaos. "Now, let's create a moving target. It will be like a threat in real life!”

When the target—a swiftly darting drone—dove into sight zigzagging through the sky, your heart raced. You tracked its erratic course, deciding what to do next. With a colossal surge of power from your legs, you sprinted forward, calling on every ounce of your energy. In the blink of an eye, you were racing towards the drone, covering the ground with ease.

As you approached, you rolled hard to the side, allowing the drone to zoom on by. With a swift turn, you spun around, arm extended, your focus once again on your energy. Job done, you released a burst of power, striking the drone squarely. It exploded in a cascade of pixelated sparks, a burst of exhilaration that left you gasping.

"Now, put it all together!" Dr. Blackwell encouraged. "Take it higher!"

Your heart pounding, you flew once more, soaring to the reaches of the simulated atmosphere. You felt an almost-euphoric thrill as you soared higher, testing your limits. The ground below blurred, the world spreading out before you endlessly under your feet.

While executing a series of breathtaking flight patterns—spiral, dives, and loops—you indulged in the thrill of flying. With each action, you were inches closer to attaining not only having more control over your skills, but confidence as well.

Finally, as you reached the landing time, you focused on descending. You straightened your legs and prepared your body for a perfect landing on the practice platform. Your feet descended with perfectly executed poise, and a triumphant smile spread across your face.

"Exceptional!" Dr. Blackwell announced, her hands clasping together in genuine enthusiasm. "You really commanded today. You've improved wonderfully!"

You felt a surge of pride in your chest. The training was tough, but every minute was leading up to finding your real potential. As the day progressed, you were more dedicated than ever before to embracing not only your strengths, but also the responsibility that came with them, prepared to learn the lessons of battle tactics in the second part of your development. Today was not only another day of practice, but a turning point in your path to becoming the hero you were meant to be.

But, as with much of your life, every joyful and prideful moment was abruptly interrupted when a voice crackled to life through Dr. Blackwell's earpiece. “Yes, sir, I’ll be right there,” she responded, her tone shifting from warm to professional in an instant. She gathered herself, glancing up from her clipboard to meet your eyes. “I have to go meet with the director. He's sending someone to monitor you until I return, and they'll bring you to your lesson in battle strategy.” She departed as suddenly as she arrived.

As Dr. Blackwell departed, the same man you'd noticed earlier when you'd gone in to check your vitals a couple of days ago entered the room: He approached you, and the moment your eyes locked, something almost palpable filled the air. He didn't speak at first; rather, he looked you over with a cautious, almost gentle, expression as if he were attempting to piece together a puzzle.

“So you're the one Director Radliffe and the staff have been discussing. I finally get to meet you," he said, extending his hand for a handshake.

You took his larger hand firmly in your own, shaking it up and down, and then releasing it, with a wary mixture of curiosity.

"So, 47C, then? They still don't have a proper name for you, do they?" he taunted, a playful tone creeping into his voice.

Rolling your eyes back in frustration, you felt a bit worse for taking the bait. "Actually, they do," you replied, straightening your posture. "I'm (Y/N)."

"Ah, well (Y/N), I'm Cecil Stedman. I'm one of the best agents here," he said to you, his expression shifting to one of genuine interest. "Dr. Blackwell said you might need someone to escort you to your next training session."

You nodded, intrigued by this enigmatic agent. He was a charming sort, his presence soothing and authoritative. "It's nice to meet you, Cecil. I appreciate your help."

“Likewise. I’ve heard you’ve been making quite the impression,” he remarked, a hint of admiration in his voice. “Battle tactics can be rigorous, but I’m confident you’ll excel. Shall we?”

As you fell into step beside him, you couldn't help but see the undercurrent of tension that filled the air. It was strange, the way he seemed to sense the intensity of your training and the weight of your potential. You saw him out of the corner of your eye, noticing his features—a strong jawline, intelligent eyes, and an air of authority that was both threatening and reassuring.

"So, what's the first task in battle tactics?" you asked, desperate to shatter the silence and find out more about what was to come.

Cecil looked down at you, the edges of his lips curling into a smile. “Today, you’ll learn how to analyze your opponents and adapt your strategies in real-time. We’ll simulate various combat scenarios where you’ll need to think on your feet. It’s not just about raw power; it’s about strategy and timing.”

A surge of excitement flashed inside you. The possibility of continuing to build your skills even further—of refining your combat knowledge as well as your own abilities—was thrilling.

As you made your way through the halls of the facility, as guided by Cecil, you couldn't help but sense that today was going to be a turning point for you. This wasn't just another training session; it was a day to hone both your mind and your body, preparing yourself for whatever awaited you in this new foreign world.

"So, (Y/N)," Cecil cut you short. "Battlefield strategy—what do you know? What have they taught you so far?" You hesitated, struggling to think clearly. "Essentially positioning and the importance of understanding the landscape—but little more than that."

Cecil nodded, his face thoughtful. "Good start, but it's also important to know your allies' strengths and weaknesses. Working in a team, coordinating with others, is usually what separates victory from defeat.

As he spoke, you felt a connection building between the two of you, and that an increasing awe at this new world of heroes, tactics, and fight against impending threats was building inside. Day one, but already you could feel it deep within your own bones: you were meant for something great, and you would see it through no matter what.

Having arrived at the training room destined for combat tactics, you gazed at Cecil before proceeding to the room. The room was spacious, and there were holographic screens as well as combat simulation dummies all over the room. It was filled with activity as a team of trainees conducted various exercises.

"Welcome," a stern-looking instructor yelled, catching your attention. "Today we will be practicing adaptive strategies in battle. You will have to face different circumstances, and I demand only your best."

As the instructor fell silent, a quiet fell in the room. You felt a rush of excitement with a dash of nervousness. This training session was unlike the physical training you were accustomed to; this time, it would be a mental plunge into the intricacies of war strategies.

“(Y/N),” the instructor said, directing his attention solely toward you. “Today, we’ll focus on understanding tactics through a series of theoretical scenarios and simulations. You’ll be the centerpiece of our discussion.”

You felt the weight of his gaze, and while it was intimidating, it also fueled your determination. Awareness washed over you—this was your opportunity to learn directly and refine your strategic thinking.

"Begin at the beginning," the instructor said, getting up to turn on a computer-controlled board that bathed the room in color. Maps and battlegrounds blazed to light, colorful and intricately drawn. "Your first lesson will cover terrain analysis. Knowing your operating environment can impact your tactics as well as a battle's results.

He pointed to a precise map of a cityscape. "See the design of this place. Picture yourself standing here—a raised point with an unobstructed view—what are the benefits of this for fending off an enemy who is moving up from the north?"

You examined the map, allowing your mind to wander. "It would give me a better perspective," you replied thoughtfully. "I could see impending threats before they come to me, so I could prepare or lay an ambush."

"Right," the instructor nodded in approval. "But what are the potential threats of holding that position?" You cocked an eyebrow as you continued on to examine the terrain. "If the other side does possess ranged weapons, they will try to flank me or use cover and come in unnoticed."

"Excellent." He smiled weakly. "That's the key to battlefield awareness—constantly evaluating both your strengths and vulnerabilities."

As he ran through more situations, you were enthralled. The lesson moved along seamlessly, progressing from basic fundamentals to sophisticated theories like identifying enemy motives and behavioral patterns. Each slide was packed with anecdotes from past battles, and you listened ravenously.

"Now let's discuss opponent analysis," the instructor said, producing a list of traits to remember when your opponent is your enemy. "What kind of psychological tricks can you employ to gain the advantage?" You thought back over your past training. "Deception and misdirection would be effective—if I can make them believe that I am somewhere when in fact I am somewhere else, it might catch them off guard."

"Psychological warfare is just as powerful as physical combat." He paused, allowing you to absorb what was stated before issuing a new task. "I'd like you to develop a hypothetical plan for a two-to-one situation. You'll need to apply everything we've covered.".

With a slight leaning of recognition, you began to come up with your plan, mind working intensely. You envisioned the terrain—a steep alleyway with ambush possibilities but limited movement area. You took notes, not forgetting to consider unexpected factors that might happen in fights.

"Take your time," the instructor advised, observing as you sketched out diagrams and notes on your pad. "This is all about how fast you can adapt and strategize. Think about how your opponent will play off what you do."

After some solid thinking for a good half hour, you looked up, a sense of pride for your analysis creeping into your thoughts. "For the two-on-one fight, I would lead them into the thin alleyway, using my quickness and agility to avoid confronting them head-on. I'd create a diversion—such as by throwing something small and noisy to distract, then pounce from the back or use misdirection to drive one off the other."

"Bravo! You really grasped the fundamentals. A good strategy seeks to isolate the enemy and take advantage of their vulnerabilities." Your praise filled you with enthusiasm and confidence.

"Let's test this plan out with a simulation," he said, inputting data into the training system. The room transformed; the walls melted away into a virtual version of your alleyway. You felt a surge of adrenaline—this was no longer theory; it was going to become very real.

"Alright," he said, standing beside you as the simulation began. "It's not necessarily what you do; it's understanding how your opponents think. Implement your strategy and adjust according to their reaction."

The simulation sprang to life around you, the alley way filled with digital silhouettes and bursts of movement. You could see two aggressive figures at the other end, their

movements smooth and calculated as they positioned themselves to meet in the middle.

"Start," the instructor ordered, and you psyched yourself up.

As the attackers moved in, you executed your diversion, hurling an object that clattered on the ground just beyond your vision. The two virtual opponents exchanged a look, freezing for a moment.

You used the second to slide over to the side, establishing an ambush. As you did so, you felt the weight of your decisions—your previous analysis guiding every movement.

The leading attacker approached the noise with care, while the second hesitated, not knowing what to attempt. It was the time that you had anticipated, and your tension coursed through your system.

In a burst of tremendous speed, you struck out into the shadows, with the objective of disengaging the initial enemy and paralyzing him before the other could act. The moment felt thrilling as you allowed your survival instincts to operate.

"This is what it means to really understand strategy," the teacher told you, observing closely as you carried out your plan. "Now remember, improvise!"

When the second enemy came your way, your thoughts went wild. You could not get comfortable. You promptly adjusted, refining your strategy on the fly as you reacted to the latest events.

With a quick step, you ducked beneath the incoming blow and slid back into position with your agility. The air inside the room thickened with concentration, the ringing of your movement and the footsteps of the fighter echoing in your ears.

The simulation gamefully heightened as you waltzed around their attacks, using your knowledge of positioning to keep the upper hand. Finally, you managed to isolate the last opponent, repeating the plan you had designed in class.

When the simulation ended, the results flashed on the screen, and the outcome was a success. Your heart raced—not because of physical exertion but at the raw thrill of mental victory.

“Well done, (Y/N),” the instructor said, a rare smile breaking across his face. “You’ve not just learned the lessons today; you’ve applied them in real time with remarkable acuity. Your ability to adapt is impressive.”

You beamed at the praise, feeling a surge of pride and accomplishment course through you. “I appreciate that. I understand how important these tactics are.”

"Right," he replied, nodding his head in agreement. "The world is unpredictable these days. Having the ability to think on your feet and outsmart your competition tactically will set you apart."

As the class was over and you reviewed the lessons of the day with one another, you had a sense of closeness with your teacher—this was more than training. Every lesson developed a course towards mastery.

Determined to exceed all expectations, you left the room with a renewed sense of purpose, prepared to meet the challenges ahead of you, armed not only with authority, but with knowledge.

As the training session concluded, you were charged, buzzing with the adrenalin of the simulation and the pride of your performance. The instructor's praise lingered in your mind as you strolled with Cecil, who had stood silently throughout, a faint smile playing on his lips.

“Great job there," Cecil told you and him when you exited the training room. "I wouldn't have doubted you would do anything less, but you totally nailed those tactics."

"Thanks!" you replied, your cheeks reddening slightly with praise. "It was great to be able to apply the theory. I didn't realize how thrilling it would be to think on my feet that fast like that."

Cecil's gaze rested on you, a spark of admiration in it. "You've got a feel for it. It's not something to soak it all up; it's how you apply it in an inventive manner, and you've got that ability." The affectionate warmth and candor in his tone gave you a shiver of excitement as you proceeded along the corridor. You enjoyed these small moments of appreciation and respect; they gave wings to your ambition and desire to keep improving.

“You're making it sound so simple," you said with a wicked smile. "But I'm quite certain a whole lot of practice is still in my future."

“Sure, but you have the right attitude," he reassured. "And trust me, one of the most important qualities a hero can possess. It's what makes you stand out." You exchanged a glance, the air around you changing a fraction, becoming intimate. There was something unspoken hanging between you, a glimmer that grew with each exchange of compliment and look.

"So what's dinner in your room tonight?" he asked, breaking the silence as you turned down another hallway. "Something hopefully better than field rations night after night."

You smiled at the humor in his words. "I'm hoping for something good. But it'll probably be the same gruel they serve us every night."

"Well that doesn't sound great," he said smiling.

You felt a rush in your chest as you locked eyes with Cecil. "I could use some company while I eat. It gets kinda lonely in those rooms," you admitted, wishing your invitation expressed your desire for something more than a shared meal; it was about camaraderie in the drudgery of training life.

"Not at all; I'd be happy to assist," he replied, his voice trailing on the last word, a hint of warmth entering his voice. Glancing at you, the air between you became thick, charged with an unspoken connection. But then he clarified, "Though, we should keep things professional. I wouldn't want to cloud any waters—we're still 'colleagues' after all."

His adamant refusal to invade your space calmed the moment, filling the air with an aura of mutual respect even as your heart missed a beat at the irremediable feeling of camaraderie. Walking by your side, you couldn't help but notice the way he moved—casual but confident, his casual humor making you smile. Each conversation felt like it seeped into something more, laced with the hint of flirtation.

At last, you reached your room, and Cecil stood just outside the door, the soft sheen of overhead lights in the air about you. The moment was suspended, with both of you there, hesitating just that fraction.

"Tell me what you think of the food," he said, his voice dropping a little as if to create a more intimate rapport."

You could feel the tension growing in the air, an unspoken knowledge that perhaps this friendship was going to turn into something more.

"Okay, see you later then," you said, pushing open the door and then looking back at him again.

"Have a good one," he said, his cocky smile reassuring you as you shut the door behind you into your room.

As you closed the door, you stood there for a moment leaning against it, your heart racing, the bright chatter ringing in your mind. You were elated—not just from the practice, but from the connection you had begun building with Cecil. Dinner would no longer be just dinner; it would be a way to open up, to bond, and even flirt some more. Smiling to yourself, you headed toward the small table in the corner that had been arranged, with a new thrill of excitement not just for your task as a hero, but for the friendship that awaited you.

The last time you’d felt this flutter of excitement toward the opposite gender was long ago, during the rare occasions when the young blonde maintenance man was called in to fix your toilet. You’d purposely clogged it just to catch another glimpse of him, desperate for that brief interaction. But that was a long time ago, way back, and other than the doctors and researchers who made up your daily rhythms, there weren't really all that many young men your age you could even talk to—much less ignite anything remotely sentimental.

The doctors knew why they were alarmed. They knew how, particularly during your early teenage years, the fascination with boys, love, and relationships would only bloom. As you grew older, curiosity prevailed, fueled by the knowledge that declaring romantic interest was downright forbidden. The tension between desire and repression kept you craving attachment, spurring the ache that coursed through you today as you navigated your feelings for Cecil.

[nicromancytarot]

Reading the awakenings/fs post was fascinating! Mainly cause it always interests me how readers can see/hear/hallucinate anything + being able to make out facial features/moodboards/have vivid dreams

I have aphantasia (inability to visualize) and SDAM (lack of episodic memories). Perpetually, I'm always in the present, *always*. I guess it has served me well in some regards, like if someone hurt me, they get kicked out of my system and memory with minimal impact on myself negatively. I cannot remember why I cried for 6 months straight about Mr. ?, nor the feeling, nor my anger, nor the specific events - just I know I dislike him (factually), have a vague recollection of why, and my need to avoid him

My friends are at the age of situationships. Unfortunately I can't join the party cause I would literally forget the person if they tried to do on agains off agains lmao

When I do readings for myself. Only words pop in my head - and if I ask for my fs - a ghosting of feeling around my body. Other than that, readings are difficult to do 😔 sadge (just expends a shi ton of energy)

For spiritual encounters - funnily enough, the only time I've heard a voice in my head + my life was once I was fighting for dear life on the toliet at 3AM. A whisper of my name and then a sense of a very disgruntled "really? You're going to die to diarrhea?"

TMI; but continue writing gurl, would love to read more about your journey and your reading methodologies 👀

Honestly my abilities always confuse me, when it comes to visualising I’ve found that I do much better when I have my eyes open. I like to imagine scenarios before I sleep lmao, and have been doing so for many years and I remember constantly having to remind myself to close my eyes half way through because I wouldn’t even realise that I opened them, but it definitely helps to visualise.

For readings I feel like I’m being given information through my head lol, it’s kinda like someone is actively just shoving stuff in there and I’m like “oh yeah, that makes sense” all while I didn’t know of that idea or answer before.

I struggle with the hearing and seeing stuff when it comes to physicals. I don’t hear some other voice telling me an answer, it’s more like my internal narrator without any effort from me. As for seeing, the best way I can describe that is with paranormal experiences.

I was working on my spiritual abilities at the beginning of last year and I watched a bunch of Sam and Colby ghost hunting videos, there was one where I just kept staring at a chair behind them and in my minds eye I could see a man in a dark suit sat staring back at me, and he then proceeded to cross his legs, but I couldn’t see it physically. I thought nothing of it and moved on, the guide showed the boys a picture of the owner of the place when he was alive and I was like “nope, that’s not him”, but then they showed a picture someone caught of his ghost and I freaked since it was literally the exact same. They then went back into the room with the guide and a machine which detects energy fields and makes out stick men to show you on the screen, the guide told them to point it at the chair that I was fixated on, and funnily enough their was a stick man that showed. So that’s the best way to describe my abilities with visualisation and mediumship (I don’t class myself a medium)

Definitely work on your ability to hear or feel things, when you do readings you should focus on what you feel emotionally rather than what you can’t see, perhaps that will help.

LMAO WHAT??? Your higher self was fr making fun of you there.

I do have a post about my method in which I do readings, you can find on my masterlist under the about me section!

[cardi-c]

Favorite headcanon for every ghoul! Go!

Oh boy!! I’m not a writer by any means and i’m not that creative i just daydream about the ghouls for my own comfort hhh but I tried to think of some things (I'm a bit embarrassed about it so under the cut dkjsasa)

Aether: so in my imagination, the ghouls have a more demonic form when they take off their masks/helmets. Aeth is a bit insecure about his form because he’s very big and has been told he looks scary. So he often makes himself smaller to appear less intimidating and talks with a softer voice. He just wants the siblings of sin to know that he's no threat :(

Dew: I imagine dew to have a poetic side. He writes poems in his diary that he hides under his bed. He’s somehow very embarrassed about them. Aether once found it while cleaning up and he had to swear to not tell the others about it. Edit, adding this because i just talked about it: even though the writing is embarrassing for him it's sometimes much easier than talking! He has trouble voicing his emotions, i imagine he would actually like to be able to simply project his thoughts into people hhhh like he once tried with intense staring to telepathically tell his fellow ghouls he loves them

Rain: I visualize Rain’s demonic form somehow how very amphibian. I wrote this down somewhere I can see his eyes blinking sideways like here x. I also think he gets overwhelmed easily and likes to submerge himself underwater when everything gets too much.

Mountain: I think a common thought to imagine mountain as a stoic person? I agree but id like to think he has a very deadpan sense of humor? He loves fucking with people and when they can't tell whether he's serious or not. He also moves almost silently, sometimes he just likes to sneak up on unsuspecting siblings just to stare at them ominously.

Swiss: Swiss is well flirty but he just genuinely loves complimenting people. He WILL notice the tiniest things and he WILL tell you did a great job! On the other hand if you compliment him on something other than his appearance (He knows he's hot!) like his musical skills he will blush and be bashful.

Phantom: When Phantom was summoned he almost imprinted on dew kjsadj he followed him around like a lost puppy (Dew acted like he hated it but was secretly pleased). At first, Phantom tried to copy Dew’s moves, he felt very awkward about it and was very hard on himself after every show. But then he realized that the fans loved him being himself and now he's super comfortable on stage, in fact he's the ghoul that’s most excited for the rituals, he's practically vibrating before every show. (I had a very vivid daydream about this)

Cumulus: I think Cumulus just absolutely adores humans. She gets suuuper excited about human traditions and habits. Sometimes she leaves packaged snacks lying in front of the door of siblings. You know like cats bring us mice they caught because they think were dummies who can't hunt for themselves djkasjdas. Other than that I think you can't get a hug that doesn’t last at least 30 seconds from her damn I want a cumulus hug

Cirrus: Cirrus has a lot of craftbased hobbies. I imagine her to have her own little room for everything she creates. She likes making little metal trinkets and gifts them to the other ghouls to decorate their horns and tails with. She has made special friendship bracelets for the ghoulettes!

Sunshine: In my head sunny is like a huuuge nerd and she gets very invested in human popculture. Sometimes she speaks in movie quotes. She also loves boardgames and forces the other ghouls to join in. As soon as they play shes ruthless tho djsajdas Her and Dew have butted heads over monopoly and didn’t talk for a day afterwards

Aurora: I think we have agreed that aurora is a princess. I think she loves twirling and dancing around in huge flowy dresses and because of that, I think she likes dressing up? Like maybe historically accurate costumes or something like cosplay (I think sunny would recommend her characters and would fall in love with her even more)

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DARK FATE Official Visual Fanbook Short Story: Mukami Ruki VS Mukami Yuma

Source: Diabolik Lovers Dark Fate Official Visual Fanbook

Release date: 2015

Disclaimer: Both sides portray the same story, but from a different perspective. The first story is written from Ruki’s POV, while the second portrays the events from Yuma’s POV.

RUKI’S SIDE

With the book in my hands still turned open, I gaze at the TV.

Yuma’s disrupting presence as he sits next to her does cross my mind, but I do not let it show on my face. 

On the screen which she watches with her full attention, a movie is playing about a gravely ill young girl and a doctor who tries every option available to him to cure her. 

While watching this cliched story unfold with a cold expression on my face, a thought emerges in the back of my subconsciousness. 

Would I be capable of doing something for another person? Would I ever find myself growing utterly desperate for the sake of just a single individual, just like the man in this movie? 

While lost in thought, my gaze involuntarily shifts to her, as I go against all of my principles and start to ponder.

...If she were to be the young girl in this movie, what actions would I take? Would I be able to save her? 

Since she is a human, she should fear death. In that case, if she were to become a Vampire like me, she would be freed from this fear of one day meeting her end.

“...Uu...”

I hear a small grunt which snaps me out of my trail of thought. I can tell she is crying even without looking at her face. 

Seems like the movie had ended at some point. Not only did I break character by showing interest in some wordly movie, but I ended up putting her in place of the movie’s protagonist. 

“Wouldn’t that shit get cured from eatin’ Sugar-chan?”

“That is impossible if you think logically.”

I subconsciously reacted to Yuma’s carefree statement. Of course, I know that Yuma was only saying that as a joke as well. 

However, perhaps it is because I replaced the protagonist with inside my head, but my tone sounded quite harsh.

As respectively human and Vampire, our vision on death is different. That being said, life is not easy for either of us.

“...Being alive comes with a lot of pain and suffering...”

When I look at her while she continues to sob quietly, she seems somewhat dazed, as if the movie is still lingering inside her head.

I can only assume that this tale embraces something only a human can comprehend.

“...They say that one’s soul weighs 21 grams. Did you know?”

When I pose said question, she lifts her head to look at me.

“Heeh, I see...I wonder if that’s heavy?”

I have trouble answering her question. However, I could definitely declare the weight of her soul in particular.

“Livestock, your soulーー”

Your soul should be heavy. She has a definite value after all. Without being able to finish my sentence, I am interrupted by Yuma.

Looking at Yuma as he states a soul weighs the same as five sugar cubes, her eyes start to glimmer.

The feeling which quietly wells up inside of me as a result isn’t rivalry towards Yuma. I simply did not like how she seems to have forgotten who she belongs to.

“Lemme suck yer blood. I’ll suck ya plenty to make up for all this time ya kept me waitin’!”

Yuma restrained both of her wrists as he purred. She looked at me to seek rescue, but those teary eyes of her only lured me in instead. 

“To find out the weight of your soul, your blood is the best way.”

I gently lift her chin, locking eyes with her.

“I’ll teach you one more time who you belong to.”

I was the only one reflected in her eyes, which twitched either out of fear or anticipation. 

ーー End.

YUMA’S SIDE

I wonder how long it has been since I sat down next to her?

“Come on Sow, open yer mouth.”

Even if I bring Sugar-chan to her lips, she won’t even bat an eye. 

“Want me to thrust it in there again, huh?”

This time I try to force her to look my way, but she grabs hold of both of my wrists and attempts to break free. On top of that, her eyes remain glued to the television screen.

“This is an important scene, so hold on for a bit.”

I get the same response again. I don’t think I’ll able to able to understand what’s so fun about these kind of tearjerkers. 

If you’re wondering why I’ve remained seated next to her regardless, that’s because there’s one other person present in the living room right now. I want to avoid leaving her all alone with Ruki, who was sitting a few inches away from us on the couch.

Since she didn’t seem to be in the mood to entertain me at present, I had no idea what to do now that my hands had let go of Sugar-chan.

“...Uu...”

When I glance at her face after hearing a soft sniffle, tears were pooling in the corners of her eyes.

I wonder how she can cry this much from some movie about a girl who is gravely ill? 

“Wouldn’t that shit get cured from eatin’ Sugar-chan?”

“That is impossible if you think logically.”

It was meant to be more of a nonchalant remark, but Ruki immediately responded in his usual fashion.

“...Being alive comes with a lot of pain and suffering...”

Ruki gazes off into the distance, speaking those words as if he seemingly just came to a realization.

Even though I had been sitting here messing with her, her mind seemed to have been fixated on the television screen this whole time. Knowing I’ve been kept waiting for some stupid movie triggers my temper.

“...They say that one’s soul weighs 21 grams. Did you know?”

My thoughts get interrupted by Ruki’s sudden statement.

“Heeh, I see...I wonder if that’s heavy?”

The Sow looks up at him with reddened eyes.

If Ruki starts to ramble about the weight of souls now, her attention will be completely on him. First that darn movie and now Ruki, huh...!?

“Livestock, your soulーー”

“One Sugar-chan weighs ‘bout four grams...Which means a soul is give or take five Sugar-chans, huh? That’s lighter than I thought.”

“Wow! You make it so easy to understand!”

She smiled at me after I blurted out those words on a whim.

“Well, your blood is way more delicious than Sugar-chan tho.”

When I say that, I suddenly get an overwhelming craving for the blood pumping through her veins. This sensation which is unlike anything else became vivid inside my mind once more through my own words. The desire was further spurred on by the relief when she finally looked my way, as well a sense of fulfillment from winning over Ruki.

“Lemme suck yer blood. I’ll suck ya plenty to make up for all this time ya kept me waitin’!”

While saying that, I tightly grab hold of both of her wrists with one hand. Those slender wrists are within my grasp in no time.

“To find out the weight of your soul, your blood is the best way.”

While I purr, Ruki lifts her chin with a dissatisfied expression on his face, looking straight into her eyes. 

I’d love to tell him to back off, but I’m sure that having Ruki and I suck her blood simultaenously will make her blood all the more delicious. 

While imagining how interesting that could be, I plunge my fangs inside her fair skin.

ーー End.

[everybodylovesrand]

Rafe/Rosamund Q&A

Q: Will there be a second trailer?

Rafe: Yes! and longer! What’s the thing you’d like to see most in it?

--

Q: For both Rosamund and Rafe - How do the final visuals effects align with what you had in mind when reading the script/filming on location?

Rafe: Making a TV show at its best is about collaboration about seeing how your initial version for something is lifted and changed and made better by the people around you. So my favourite visuals in the show are the ones that are far better than I’d ever imagined writing the scripts.

Rosamund: It’s so important to have a living vivid world inside your imagination when you are shooting sequences that will be completed with CGI, and the production have always made sure that we had plenty of visual references for how things would look as we went along. We have never worked on a set on which at least part of the world is not built. We have always had elements of the texture and atmosphere of the finished world to work with.

--

Q: Can we get some information on the composer or the score for the show? SO excited for this! Thank you both so much for bringing this to life!

Rafe: If Amazon lets this answer go through, this is me proudly announcing that we have the most incredible composer working on the show by the name of Lorne Balfe. You’ve gotten a tiny hint of his music with the reveal of the Logo, and what he’s doing is really special.

--

Q: For Rosamund: how different is acting in a high-fantasy TV show from your previous work?

Rosamund: The biggest most important challenge with fantasy is making the stakes your own, making the concepts and ideas that are so outside our own experience feel real and immediate.

--

Q: How much of the myrddraal is practical effects?

Rafe: The Myddraal, like almost all elements in the show, is as much practical as we could manage, enhanced by VFX. I always think that gives a more disturbing and real-feeling quality than full VFX creatures.

--

Q: My question is – What do you think Moraine’s favourite food is? (2) Does she prefer coffee or tea?

Rosamund: I don’t think Moiraine cares too much about food. (Rafe thinks she likes buffalo wings). She eats to live. But don’t worry, you will only ever see her drink tea.

Rafe: Buffalo wings.

--

Q: For Rosamund: How did you feel seeing Moiraine’s powers visually for the 1st time?

Rosamund: I felt like a badass. I said to Rafe when I first saw it, “I need this video of me shooting fireballs to show to my sons again, and again.”

--

Q: What is the show going to be rated? Will people be able to watch it with their teenagers?

Rafe: People should certainly be able to watch with their teenagers.

--

Q: How have you kept this trailer under wraps so long? Omg – it is perfect.

Rosamund: Thank you. The only thing we wanted was that it made people feel.

--

Q: How were you able to come up with how the weaving of the One power looks?

Rafe:  All of the VFX teams looking at the One Power were going off documents of descriptions of it pulled straight from the books, and using that as jumping off points.

Rosamund: I needed to feel that you would believe Moiraine had this power if there were no visual effects- the most important thing for me, was that I felt connected to something greater than myself. Robert Jordan is so eloquent about what it feels like to channel, the feeling of the one power filling your veins, the risk of it, the risk of drawing too much and the necessity of respecting it and being trained to use it.

--

Q: For Rosamund: What’s your favourite Moiraine speech?

Rosamund: Moiraine can be very silent so when she speaks, we listen. In the books it’s the “Weep for Manetheren speech”. The idea that in the people of the Two Rivers, the “old blood runs deep”.

--

Q: Can you bring the release date back a bit to like tomorrow or something?

Rosamund: Ask Rafe.

Rafe: Ask Amazon.

--

Q: How excited are you to see your audience responses after such a long wait?

Rafe: This is a complicated thing, because as a fan of many epic book series, seeing them brought to life is simultaneously thrilling and a little bit sad, as it changes forever a world that you saw in your own head while reading.

Rosamund: I love how warm and welcoming the Wheel of Time fan base have been. I hope we offer escape, excitement, mystery and something to keep people inspired through the end of the year.

--

Q: Which location was your favourite to film at? Specifically, in the show and in real life!

Rosamund: The world inside the walls of Shadar Logoth is particularly affecting and eerier. our production designer created a powerful, sinister set for the abandoned city. But for me as an actor: the city of Tar Valon was so rich: it was built from the ground up with the most intricate detail. It is stunning.

--

Q: Is the scene with Egwene in the water about her One-Power / Wisdom testing?

Rafe: I can answer that question at the end of the Season.

--

Q: What’s your favourite aspect of the WoT series?

Rosamund: My Warder. (awww!)

--

Q: How much will Season 1 cover? Book 1 or spread accross several? Looks amazing!!!

Rafe: Season One will cover Book One, plus some of Book Two and even Book Three. But also not all of Book One, as some of it is in Season Two. Cryptic enough?

--

Q: How may nightmares did that flaming Fade give you?

Rafe: Not many, as I will always remember him as Dan, who was spinning in circles on his horse on a Slovenian mountain doubling the Westwood.

Rosamund: His very feminine lips, concealing rows and rows or teeth give me nightmares… And don’t get me started on the skeleton mask his horse wears.

--

Q: What excited you the most about this series?

Rosamund: The amazing cast and the bond we all have!

--

Q: For Rosamund: Is this your first time acting with CGI effects? Is it harder than expected?

Rosamund: It was great. I did a full body scan on day one and then I never had to show up!

--

Q: For Rosamund: What was it about this story that spoke to you and made you want to play such an amazing female?

Rosamund: The way women of the Aes Sedai harness the elements of the universe to unleash incredible power: that interested me a lot. Playing an amazing female is always better than playing a mediocre female.

--

Q: Which parts of the trailer are you most excited for the fans to see the full version of in the show and why?

Rafe: I’m really thrilled for fans to see more of Winternight.

Rosamund: Shadar Logoth, the city where you really feel how the dark is a material substance that chases and consumes. The visual effects and the extremity of this sequence haunts me.

--

Q: How do you expect us to work today?

Rafe: Don’t! If I’m your boss, you have the day off.

Rosamund: I expect you to focus, and do your best as always. Sincerely, headmistress.

[celestialgaea]

1. I LOVE your writing! You're amazing! 2. If it's not too much trouble, could I request something for brotherhood Ezio - either fluff or smut (maybe a hybrid if such a thing exists?)

These requests really make my heart soft :,) It’s definitly not troublesome at all, darling! a smut/fluff is coming your way :)) enjoy reading! 

btw, I always had the concept in mind of Ezio being a nude model for a painter/paintress so I used it as inspiration for this request, I hope you like it!

Pairings: Brotherhood!Ezio x Reader

warnings: smut, fluff, mature content

summary: Ezio convinces you of using his nude body as reference for your painting and that’s where things start to get heated.

A sound of raging growls left your throat as it was the sixth time you scratched away the slender torso that was sketched upon the parchment. It was slender, too slender for it to be still considered human. Ironic. The Greek gods were inhuman, but you were unable to project the divine muscles that roamed in your thoughts onto the piece of dried lamb skin. You missed Florence, dearly, and since the first week that you had left the vivid city to live in the unknown town of Monteriggioni you thought that the quiet farms, where trees of oranges grew, would help revive the inspiration to paint a Magnum Opus but it only dried the river of colour in your head. You couldn’t compare Florence to a third rate town as Monteriggioni. You could still recall the smell of paint and the dusty marmer that stained the Florentin air of the market, and the sight of novices carrying their painting supplies as they were on their way to class. You missed how you used to visit churches, not to pray, but rather to admire the fresco’s. Now it was all gone. No inspiration and the few churches that existed in this village were sober and only consisted of a giant crucifix and a statue of Madonna holding her child.

bang bang. Someone knocked on the door of your atelier. With a dissatisfied grunt you threw the charcoal pencil on the ground and shoved your seat back with a strong force, causing an abrasive sound to be heard from outside the small building.

‘Who is there?’ You asked sharply as you walked towards the wooden door. You tried to regain your patience and freshened your cheeks, which was red of annoyment, by pressing your abnormally cold palms against them. 

‘It’s me, Ezio.’ His voice was unclear due to the door that seperated you, but it did not spoil the low rumble that was always present in his speech. You pressed your eyelids together rather harshly and groaned in regret. How shameful musn’t it be to shoot invisible daggers towards Ezio as just the thought of his intimidting gaze locked on your face after your scene of lost temper made you wish you hid instead of confronting him. You weren’t scared of him, you were scared of embaressment.

You opened the door to the sight of Ezio leaning against the doorframe, one eyebrow arched in question. 

‘I came to check up on you, ragazza. It sounded as if you were fighting off pirates in there.’ You felt how your face heated up against your will and you tried to laugh it of with a breathless snicker. ‘The only thing I was fighting with were my sketches,’ You stepped aside, exposing a part of your artist studio. It was not big, as it was perfect to fit in a few tables and art easels with canvasses of variating sizes, but it was practical enough to be able to craft in peace. But it seems that the serene peace wasn’t present anymore these past weeks.

‘Where are my manners, come in.’ With a faint smile he swiftly entered and closed the door. 

‘Lack of inspiration?’ He asked. You nodded. ‘Not only that, It is impossible to find any references to bodies as muscled as those of the Greek Gods. Monteriggioni isn’t filled with art as in Firenze, thus making it difficult for me to find those references.’ As you looked at him from the side, you saw how perfect his body posture was to be used as reference; It was flexible and broad, yet it was intimidating and yet not graceful enough to be that of a dancer. 

Ezio hummed in understanding. He was slightly proud that he still had the ability to make you blush, even in his forties, when he caught your eyes wandering through his clothing.  ‘Why don’t you use models like Leonardo does? You could ask him to lend some to you,’ You grinned. ‘Ezio, my dear. The only references to human bodies that Leonardo uses are either dug up from their grave or strangers with the most inhuman facial complexion. Leonardo is fascinated by the misshapen, not the divine.’ 

‘Well, if the ancient Greeks believed that women were the misshapen copies of men, then I confirm myself as being fascinated by the misshapen. My dear.’ He mocked. His lips curled into a sly smirk and he winked at you, but you merely scoffed playfully as you shook your head and walked towards the chaotic scene that played upon your desk; Scattered parchment with incomplete sketches, charcoal pencils and quills thrown all over the table and, at the moment, irrelevant attributes such as a skull and a terracotta bust of Bacchus -A marmer bust was way too expensive for the meager loan you had to live with-

‘Charmed.’ You said, not impressed. Maybe slightly impressed.

‘As I thought you would be,’ 

The open space of the studio behind you felt enclosed as the soft touch of Ezio’s breath caressed the nape of your neck. His eyes roamed over the table, observing every object -he even squatted down and stared into the dead eyes of Bacchus-, and trailed alongside the lines of your sketches with his middle and index finger pressed together, the two fingers levitating above the charcoal lines.

‘Why did you scratch them? It is beautiful. Well, I am not going to lie, it looks a bit...how should I word it?’ He mumbled. ‘Bad?’  ‘A bit out of proportion,’ He trailed alongside the torso with the same two fingers. ‘See,’ Ezio said. ‘The torso is a bit too long, and the muscles are too muscled.’

You scoffed, a small laugh plastered on your face. ‘Too muscly,’ You mumbled to yourself. ‘Ezio, I don’t know if you have noticed but I do not have any male models nor have I seen a man naked before. No, I mean, not that I am a virgin. But I just haven’t seen a naked man with the right size.’ Good Lord. Ezio grinned, not ashamed for the innapropriate phrase that kept resonating in his head, and locked eyes with you as he raised one eyebrow. You shivered. It was that one raised eyebrow that made his face so intimidating, so intense. ‘Not the right size, huh?’

‘You know what I mean, old man.’ He scoffed. His hand covered his breast and he pretended to be in pain. ‘You wound me with your words, bella.’ 

Oh Ezio. He was so entertaining. He was probably one of the very few reasons your stay in Monteriggioni will last for a very long time. Leaving him would make you feel empty. Ezio had a way of pulling women (and also men) towards him, chaining them with such a scorching desire that it would feel injust and even sinful to break the invisible attraction He brought those small moments of thrills and excitement with him whenever he just walked by making you want his attention to be focused on you and solely you.

‘I could send an apprentice of mine to model, but only if you’d like?’ ‘Are they quite muscled? I need a body that represents the gods and not 17 year old boys who are only interested in horses and girls.’ ‘No, judging by the statues I have seen in Florence they wouldn’t be a very great choice. And besides, I don’t think that they can stand still, naked, for a few hours while a beautiful lady has a clear view of their cazzo without, you know, the visuals showing their excitement.’

Your facial expressions showed slight disgust as you were imagining their erect member and face, reddened with shame, while they were posing as one of the Greek deities. Well, to be fair, you couldn’t expect less. They were boys with raging hormones, and you were a young adolescent that was not able to conceil her raging hormones from experienced and charming men. Or shortly said; Ezio. 

Speak of the devil. 

Ezio noticed the disgust on your face and emitted a low and rumbling snicker as he patted your back, the impact of his force causing your shoulder to be shoved forwards. ‘Keep your sneaky little mind away from my apprentices private parts will you?’

‘Ezio!’ You hit his arm, your mouth open and pretending to be shocked by his remark, but you couldn’t help but curl your mouth into a smile. ‘Back to our previous topic,’ You said, recovering from what just had happened. ‘I really need to find a male model for my project, Ezio.’  Ezio happened to show empathy with you as he began taking off his boots. 

‘Ezio, what in heaven are you doing? Put those back on! Ezio what are you thinking?’ Nailed to the floor you looked at ezio who was only wearing his trousers and chemise, its string loosened and showing the flesh upon his chest, and had his hands on the sides of the edge of his pants, ready to take them of and show the world what momma gave him. ‘I am sacrificing my pride for the sake of your painting.’

Your eyes widened. ‘Would you do that for me? Really?’ ‘Bella, what does it look like I am doing?’ He grinned, taking off the rest of his clothing as you had turned around to reorganize your table and prepared the small podium on which Ezio had to model.

‘And besides, what did you mean with Sacrificing your pride?’ You heard Ezio sigh while you sharpened your charcoal pencils. ‘All these men on Classical paintings have a...well, you know, a small penis, so you will have to reduce mine...a lot.’ You laughed, placing the pencils on the table. ‘Oh, Ezio, I don’t really think it will be necessary.’ You said teasingly. You sat down behind the desk when you heard his voice floating around your ears as he walked towards the small podium, every inch of his skin exposed for you and only you. ‘Prego?’ 

It was difficult to keep your gaze off his private part. It was just...hanging there,  minding its bussiness. It was as if your insulting remark about his member just spat back at you with double as much spit. You managed to clear your throat in a subtle way without choking on your saliva. ‘You’ll have to lay down.’ You said. You stood up to grasp a few layers of cloth to cover the small stage to save Ezio’s behind a bit from the harsh ground. It felt weird to be so near him; He was naked and you were clothed. 

You quickly smoothened the cloth onto the stage, fixating your disorientated eyes on it, and walked, almost ran, with rapid speed back to your desk.

It still felt like a fever dream. You were able to get the most skilled murderer fully naked in front of you, without asking once. As it felt surreal, it simutaniously felt forbidden too. He was way older, a teacher of a kind, how many women wouldn’t have killed for this chance. For seeing Ezio naked, almost vulnurable without his armour. Vulnurable for attack as told by the white lining of the remaining scars on his body. 

‘Lay down and lean on your elbows,’ And so he did. ‘Put one knee up. No the other knee, Ezio. Not so high, go a bit lower. Not that low. Yes, stay like that!’ Ezio grinned softly. ‘You are very demanding, aren’t you bella?’ ‘You iniated on being my model, Ezio,  so do as I say.’  Ezio raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head, sucking air through his teeth, sounding similar to scorching metal in cold water. ‘My apologies, maestro.’ 

His body was beautiful. Not too brawny and not fat. Broad muscles showing through his skin and simultaneously a layer of soft fat hugged around his torso, but it didn’t hang nor did it seem loose, It was tight and gave Ezio’s body comfortable for burning cuddles. 

You gave a last look at Ezio’s position, observing it, but something felt wrong. It felt plain, flat. It didn’t have your desired dimentions. 

‘Ezio,’ He turned his head towards you. ‘Could you touch the ground with your left hand and move your torso towards your lifted knee. Let your right arm rest upon that raised knee, yes, just like that.’ It was better. More rounded than flat. And the most beautiful of all was how above his pubic hair, which was trimmed, small layers of skin bundled upon each other, giving more dimention to his body.

You picked up the stylus - a metal pen- with satisfaction and began carving lines onto the parchment. Those lines slowly became basic shapes until more shade and more complexity was added to them. Ezio’s eyes kept sailing from around the room to your concentrated face. It must be intimidating for him whenever it took only fractions of seconds before you raised your eyes to look at him every single time. And every time he wondered how many seconds it would last this time before you watched him again. 

‘Do you do this a lot? Using nude models?’ Ezio asked. You stood halt in your drawing to look up at him. ‘Well, No. Back in Firenze I was too ashamed to ask for one. If the word would spread about a women making a carreer out of brush strokes instead of a man stroking her to let her bear him a son, they’d burn my paintings. And they may burn my paintings, but i’ll still use the ashes to draw a big cazzo on the front door of their homes.’  You said, slightly flinching at the thought of your face being tortured by the sweltering flames that are devouring your art works. Ezio laughed. His wide-opened mouth created deep curving lines next to it, sparkling eyes squinting at you. 

How did he do it? How was he capable of making you desire him with just a smile. A smile of confidence. A smile of which hundreds of women fell for. Let alone how his body would call for company as melancholy and charm hung like a perfume around him. 

‘Eccezionale,’ He grinned in a breath. ‘And in Monteriggioni?’ ‘The average male in this village is almost expired. They’re at least fifthy.’ 

‘You don’t older men?’ He asked teasingly. Yes you did, especially him. ‘There is a difference between older and old. Old men are almost expired. Older men, on the other hand, are more matured and experienced.’ 

With a last look at the sketch you laid down the stylus and motioned for Ezio to move again. You quickly added some shadows around the sillhouette around the body as you felt Ezio stand behind you. 

‘And what is “older” to you?’  ‘You ask a lot of Questions, Ezio. Aren’t you  Il mentore?’ His broad shoulders casted a shadow on your cheek that was turned to his side. ‘I’m curious. Isn’t a man allowed to ask questions? Especially if he’s as expired as me?’ You scoffed.

‘Ezio, you are not expired. You aren’t old.’

‘I’ll be turning fifthy in five years.’

‘That’s still ages away from now.’

‘Time flies, bella.’

‘Well, mentore, I don’t perceive you as old. In fact, you are mature and very sharp.’ You stole a quick glance of his private part before letting your gaze wander towards the floor. How was he able to keep himself so tame when the tension was creating a heated knot in your lower stomach? The knot kept contracting with every breath from Ezio’s soft lips that brushed against your neck and the radiating heat from his naked body caused by the Florentine sun that tortured his skin underneath the layers of his heavy assassin robes. 

You turned around, trapped in between the wooden desk and Ezio’s nudeness, and placed a hand on his bicep. ‘How aren’t you burned yet underneath all those layers of clothing.’ Your eyes locked with his. ‘I have very thick skin,’ He palmed your hand in his and lead it down his muscular arm, rubbing against its hot skin, let it follow the curves of his muscles back up to his chest. You didn’t even need to glance down to see that his good old friend has “awakened”. 

Ezio’s hand caressed your collarbone and slid down, only to stop at the cleavage of your gown. With his index finger he easily pulled the piece of fabric away from your chest, exposing your breasts that were visible through the thin night gown. 

He hummed in satisfaction.

Ezio disposed you of your clothes in a slow and agonizing manner until your naked body was hugged by the warm air that filled the art studio. His eyes, filled with passionate lust, wandered over your whole body, absorbing every inch of naked skin.  Ezio pressed his body close to you and you felt how his manhood, swollen with blood, was pressed against your stomach. Ezio kissed your lips. His lips covering your upper lip as you softly nibbled on his bottom lip. His tongue wetted the entrance of your mouth before the warmth of his saliva got mixed with yours. Ezio’s hands roamed your whole body, he wanted to take all of you, touch all of you, feel every piece of your hot skin lingering against his. His hands trailed back to your upper thighs and rubbed them as his fingers curled to grip the soft flesh of it. His warm hands felt rough and experienced against your inner thighs, it felt like everything that desire is. 

Ezio pulled your legs around his waist and carried you the the small improvised podium of layered blankets as his one hand held the fold at the backside of your knee and the other was pressed against your lower back. 

You couldn’t describe how overwhelmed you where with all these sensory feelings. Your contracting stomach, heating core and tickling neck, caused by Ezio’s lips and teasing nips, made you close your eyes and press your legs tighter around his torso. You pressed yourself against Ezio while you yearned for his body engulfing yours in this passionate warmth as Ezio’s hot breaths left humid spots on your neck. 

His lips kissed your collarbone and so he went down with smouldering and slow kisses down to the curve in between the mounds of your breasts. His hand cupped your breast and massaged your nipple with his thumb as his mouth place kisses on the side of your other breast before tracing to your nipple and holding it between his lips. 

your breathing became irregular, some were sharp and some were pitched. Your hands took a grip on Ezio’s broad back and you couldn’t help but groan in a breath. His body slid down on yours until he stopped above your pubic bone, a trail of saliva covered your torso. Ezio placed your legs on his shoulders, holding onto your thighs, and he breathed so softly against your humid entrance. 

It felt tingly and increased your need for him to touch you. Ezio’s fingers caressed your labia as his hot and humid tongue slid up your crease. Your breath hitched. His lips covered your clit, his beard tickling your inner thighs, kissing it before taking it between his lips and sucking on it. You groaned. Your clit was pusling and you felt how your entrance was filled with so much ecstasy. Ezio kept licking, nibbling and just making you feel on cloud nine until you felt how tension was layering and building up in your core and you felt how it was almost going to explode in bright colours of the sweet relieve. But Ezio stopped before you could taste that pure sweetness and how much you disliked it, the builded up tension slowly died down.

‘Why did you stop?’ You asked defeatedly. Ezio smirked. ‘I want us to finish together,’ You were surprised. ‘Because I can’t wait any longer to be inside of you.’  Ezio slid back up so his lips could reach your mouth again. You enveloped your leg around his waist and Ezio gripped the fold of your knee, slowly pressing your thigh against your chest. 

He groaned as the tip of his manhood entered slowly. He stopped after a few inches of his manhood had entered so you’d adapt to his lenght and width and began pumping slowly before he’d let his whole penis enter inside of you inch by inch. He filled you so good.

Ezio began pumping in and out between your slick walls and went rougher. The sweetness and lust of the moment made both of your groan in synch. But the more he motioned inside of you, the more your groans became heartfelt moans. You grabbed ezio’s back as you bit on his shoulder. With every push and every thrust of his body against yours the sinful sounds of hitting skin was like background music for the hymn of your moans. Ezio grabbed your thigh and pushed himself deeper, which you doubt was still possible, and the poor man was lost in deep groans. He kept you close to him as he filled you until the building up layers made you speed up, shortening the silence between every clap of skin. ‘Ezio,’ You whispered in lost sweetness. The more tension that build up, the more the yearning for that sweet relieve became. ‘(Y/N),’ He groaned in your ear, huskily. 

Only a few strokes and you were there, both of you. Oh, sweet Lord, how you were losing your mind in a blurr of white light. Just those few last strokes and you’d explode. You were almost there...almost...and ‘Ezio!’ The ball of squeezed tension exploded into a firework of sweetness and fire. Ezio came inside of you with squeezed eyes and a groan before he let himself relax onto you. Your chests were elevating in an irregular rythm. 

‘Mio Dio,’ You whispered in amazement. Ezio slid out of you and took the excess length of the cloth to cover both of you.

‘So when are you free to come back? To finish the painting?’ 

‘Very soon, Bella, very soon.’

[cosplayinamerica]

Princess Daisy : pencils_and_pincushions // photo: that_fedora_photographer

I’m a Canadian cosplayer who has been cosplaying since 2007. I’ve had a love for Victorian fashion since I very young age (my little kid brain basically made the connection that Victorian dresses = women dressing like Disney princesses IRL), but the thing that kickstarted my desire to learn sewing was going to a fabric store with my mother when I was in my senior year of high school and seeing a Butterick pattern catalogue that had Victorian-inspired costumes. Almost instantly I had a lightbulb moment that if I learned to sew, I could actually wear those big fancy gowns I loved.   

I entered university and, over the next few years, spent my free time reading and learning everything I could about sewing. In 2007, my best friend invited me to Anime North - she was going as a gothic lolita-inspired version of the Queen of Hearts, so I decided I would make a Mad Hatter to accompany her.

I was so excited that I jumped in completely head-first, and it ended up being my first foray into both sewing and pattern drafting. In hindsight it was wildly ambitious for a first project (and I’m still a little surprised that I actually pulled it off!), but I’m so glad that my enthusiasm made me persevere and psh through the challenges, because I learned a ton from that experience and ended up with a cosplay I was thrilled with.

I remember seeing myself in the mirror the first time and being so happy when I realized I’d been able to bring something to life from my imagination. When my friend and I got to the con, things only got better from there - the atmosphere was so energetic and colourful thanks to all the amazing cosplays, and it was filled with so many fun, enthusiastic, and friendly people. From that day I was officially hooked on cosplay.

I’m part of the Toronto Steampunk Society and, each year at Fan Expo Canada, we hold an Annual Costume Challenge where we pick a theme and encourage people to make a costume based on the theme. A couple of years ago, the theme was ‘steampunk video game characters’ and one of my friends in the TSS, Modern Myths Cosplay, thought it would be cute to do Princess Peach and Princess Daisy.

I loved the idea and, after more discussion, we decided to do a steampunk twist on the Super Smash Bros Brawl version since it was fancier and seemed to lend itself well to a steampunk interpretation. Though Daisy isn’t officially in Brawl, my friend was fortunately able to dig up some fan edits of Peach in Daisy’s colours, so with that we were set.

I usually make my outfits myself, but since my friend and I wanted to ensure our cosplays matched, we decided to work collaboratively and divide things: I would create the bodices and accessories for both gowns, and she would create the skirts and crinolines.

I started off by drafting the base bodice patterns. Since I draft all my costumes, I used my existing bodice block/master patterns for myself and drafted a bodice block from scratch for my friend based on her measurements. One neat thing about working this way was that it basically turned into a girls’ weekend where I was able to teach my friend more about pattern drafting, which ended up making the process unexpectedly fun and memorable.

After I finished fitting my friend’s bodice block, I got to work drafting our bodice patterns based on the reference pics we had collected. Being able to tackle both bodices ended up working well since it enabled me to draft them in a way that made them visually match identical while taking our respective body shapes into account.

A couple of mockups and fittings later, we had an idea of how much fabric we needed, so we went fabric shopping. My friend suggested that we go with richer, more regal-looking tones instead of strictly game-accurate colours, so when we found a place selling gorgeous peau de soie and sparkle organza, I was instantly sold on a gold and burnt orange colour scheme.

We split the fabric based on our respective portions and worked on them separately. I cut and sewed the bodices, which was fairly straight forward but time-consuming! The part that sticks in my mind the most was the center front panel because it had so many pieces and layers - two types of satin, two types of organza (including one that had to be ruched to the base panel in multiple places), five rows of lace, interfacing...and that doesn’t even include the lining!

I also created our jewelry and crowns. The brooches and earrings were made from filigree settings that I painted, glued gems, and attached pin backs and earring hooks to, and the crowns are made from craft foam painted in gold acrylic, with embellishments assembled from painted filigree stampings and gems.

My friend created our cage skirts from 1/4 PEX pipe and brown grosgrain ribbon, which ended up being the perfect hoop skirt material since it was cheap, lightweight, and strong enough to support the huge, heavy skirts. She cut and sewed our skirts (including attaching meters and meters of trim that I’d painted white to better match the game colours) and she also made our bloomers.

The gowns were a huge undertaking and, thanks to work and general real life eating up time, we did end up engaging in the dreaded con crunch, but fortunately in the end we were able to get them to a state where they were pretty and wearable!

The response at the convention was absolutely amazing - I don’t think I’ve ever had a costume elicit the reactions that Princess Daisy did. We figured that, since we were cosplaying the princesses from Mario, there was a good chance we might be recognized, but the thing I wasn’t prepared for was how genuinely happy and excited people were, especially when they saw us together. We literally had kids waving at us from across the street when they spotted us.

Even grown-ups loved it - we were frequently stopped for pictures, and even a couple of the folks in the dealer’s room who were running booths would break into huge smiles and ask for pictures. Plus, people loved the steampunk twist and were delighted when they realized how much our costumes matched.

The best, most heartwarming response to my Princess Daisy cosplay happened when I met up with some other friends and one tapped me on the shoulder, pointed behind me and said, “I think she wants a picture with the princess.” I turned around and, standing a few feet away, was this adorable, super shy little black girl who was staring in my direction. My heart instantly melted and I went over to her and had a little chat and took a picture with her.

As a black cosplayer who has run several panels on BIPOC cosplay and spoken about the importance of diversity and representation in cosplay, being able to show that sweet little girl that someone who looks like her can be a princess - and showing kids of other races that Princess Daisy can be black - was a vivid reminder that representation does matter.

Since I got into the hobby, cosplay has been a big part of my life and has positively impacted me in so many ways. It has been an incredible creative outlet that has given me the chance to express myself, and it has allowed me to meet so many wonderful people - many of whom are now among my closest friends. However, I think one of the most rewarding things about cosplay has been how it has allowed me to provide BIPOC cosplay representation and visibility within my local cosplay community. I often do Afro-steampunk cosplay, and one of the most unexpectedly moving things I’ve experienced has been other BIPOC saying to me that seeing my outfits make them feel like they can cosplay.

It has been humbling and has motivated me to get more involved in the cons I attend. For the past several years I’ve run panels on diversity in cosplay/steampunk as well as sewing and cosplay construction, which has enabled me to share the knowledge and skills I’ve learned. I also lead the steampunk section of the Anime North Fashion Show, and I’ve made a point to recruit as diverse a roster of models as possible. I’m happy that we’ve been able to showcase steampunk looks inspired by various cultures including Chinese, Indian, and Morrocan.

Another plus is that the sewing skills I’ve learned from cosplay have come in handy in other areas of my life. It has been fun - and surprisingly empowering - to be at a point where I can use my sewing ability to create one-of-a-kind outfits for formal work events (like office holiday parties) that make me feel pretty and confident.

Something I’ve frequently mentioned during my BIPOC cosplay/steampunk panels is that the simple act of showing up to a con or event in cosplay can have an impact because you never know how much that visibility can inspire other BIPOC to get into the hobby, so my advice to anyone wanting to get into cosplay is to do it! Overall I have found it to be a fun, creative, energizing experience.

While I’ve been extremely fortunate to have had overwhelmingly positive experiences while cosplaying, I recognize that, unfortunately, BIPOC do sometimes face harassment and outright racist comments (especially online) that can make getting into the hobby seem scary. Finding welcoming, supportive spaces in person and online can be a big help (the POC Cosplay group on Facebook is great for this) - plus, thanks to things like #28DaysOfBlackCosplay, there is more visibility and inspiration out there than ever before.

The other thing I’d add is to treat each cosplay as a learning experience. Being able to work so closely with my friend on creating a cosplay was a completely different creation process than I’m used to, and it was really cool to be able to learn from each other’s different working styles and experience. It was great to teach her pattern drafting and see how happy she was to learn skills she could apply to future cosplays, and I was so excited when she showed me her PEX pipe hoop skirt method. Looking back on my Princess Daisy cosplay makes me smile because it’s almost like a physical representation of the fun we have cosplaying together.

[nagichi-boop]

Kenma - Autism Thoughts/Headcanons

A little self indulgent post that will hopefully be interesting for someone.

Note: I haven't been diagnosed with ASD, nor am I a professional in anything related to psychology or autism. These observations are purely based on my personal knowledge and research on the subject. If something isn't correct, please let me know and I'll try to adjust things accordingly.

This post contains some spoilers for the Haikyuu manga, including the time skip.

Also, if you have anything you'd like to add, please do! I'd be interested to know your thoughts.

The most notable autistic trait Kenma has is his difficulty making eye contact. He usually either speaks without looking at people or if someone looks at him, he will avert his gaze. Even with those he is closer to like Kuroo and Hinata, he can only maintain eye contact for so long before he looks away.

It’s very clear that Kenma’s special interest is his video games. It’s such a strong passion of his that the boy decided to make a career out of it. The world famous kodzuken out here showing the world how talented and special he is.

Kenma tends to speak in a very monotone voice. He also says things very bluntly, which either comes off as rude or his honesty is viewed as something comforting.

Speaking of which, Kenma tries to tie his love of video games to other aspects of his life. He sometimes references aspects of video games to his volleyball playing. Kuroo also takes note of this and sometimes links things to video games as well, such as when he suggests being a setter is like being a strategist and when he says Kenma is less like a hero and more like the final boss of a game.

On the other hand, he seems to be able to spot patterns very well. As a kid, he would attentively watch matches with Kuroo and then point out things the players were doing. When he’s playing in matches himself, the team depends on him to think of strategies to trick the other team and help them to win.

It's also interesting in the flashback above that Kuroo falls asleep watching the match while Kenma keenly observes. Kuroo was the one to introduce Kenma to volleyball, but Kenma became very fixated on it to the point where, at least when it comes to watching matches, he became more obsessed with volleyball than Kuroo.

Kuroo mentions that Kenma tends to be unmotivated to do things that he isn’t interested in, but if he is interested in it, he invests in it with all his energy. He clearly does this with video games – he doesn’t give up on them even when he is struggling with it. He also does the same with volleyball. Even though he usually tries to find ways to avoid situations he doesn’t like, in the Battle of the Dumpster match, he gives his all, even saying that he doesn’t want the match to end. He then thanks Kuroo for introducing him to volleyball.

He seems like the type to not really like crowds. Even though he didn’t seem to have a practical reason to not watch the Alders vs Black Jackals match in person, he decided to watch the game from the comfort of his home.

It should also be noted that his career is one that would limit the amount of social interaction he has to do as he has most of what he needs for his job at home.

Although its not necessarily a direct trait of autism, Kenma has a very vivid imagination. He uses his imagination to daydream and make unenjoyable activities more bearable, such as running.

The poor thing isn’t the best at dealing with others. When he first meets Hinata, he is very closed off and doesn’t really talk a lot, clearly uncomfortable with Hinata being around. He also didn’t understand Yamamoto, which led Kuroo to offer him advice on how to interact with him. (Side note, but Kenma is very clearly uncomfortable with the subject matter as he isn't shown to say anything back to Kuroo and instead looks the other way.)

It's also shown that he sometimes needs a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking. For example, when he tries to offer advice to Yamamoto in an attempt to bond with him, he stumbles on his words a little before he's able to get his full thoughts out.

Even though he mostly hates being touched by others and having his personal space invaded, Kenma is also sometimes shown to not understand personal space very well. When he is looking at stuff in a vending machine, he gets close to the people standing in front of it and accidentally scares them a little.

While he isn’t shown to stim that much, he does tend to be looking at either his phone or a video game, which could be a form of visual stimming. When he first meets Hinata, he is on his phone but he mentions that he is only using it to pass time, so it’s possible he was just using it as a way to calm himself down in an unfamiliar situation. He is also shown to be twitching his feet when he is in the Nekoma dorms, which is a stim I personally have.

It’s possible that Kenma’s comfort items are his phone and/or PSP. He usually isn’t seen without at least one of them in his hand.

When Kenma went to comfort Hinata because he was ill, he didn’t really offer words of encouragement. He instead gave his friend a tablet so he could watch the match. He showed his care through practical help.

Kenma tends to wear the same sort of clothes all the time. When he was a kid, he usually wore a long undershirt and then a t-shirt on top of it, or he would wear a hoodie. As a teenager and adult, he is often shown to be wearing a hoodie like he always used to do, maybe because he is used to that outfit and it's comfortable for him. He also wears his hair in a bun every time he is shown in the time skip.

He doesn’t really like being the center of attention. He finds the speech Kuroo gives before each match to be embarrassing, likely because he doesn’t like how it draws attention to him. He also got very nervous when Kageyama was staring at him and mumbling a lot of questions.

Kenma tends to hide behind Kuroo a lot. I personally do this when I’m around people that make me uncomfortable, but he makes it look so much cuter. Am I just pointing this out because I love gushing about how adorable Kenma is? I’ll let you decide.

He doesn’t really like formalities, which is why he allows Hinata to call him by his first name as soon as they meet. He also tells Lev off whenever he addresses Kenma formally. While it is mostly attributed to how he was treated by his upperclassmen in the past, it could also be because he doesn’t quite understand why such social rules exist to begin with.

Hope you found this post interesting! Once again, feel free to share your own thoughts and ideas on the subject! ^^

I wanted to include more images but I didn't realise Tumblr had a limit, oops. Hopefully my points make sense even without the visual aids.

[the-scarecrxw]

trans jonathan thoughts / low-key drabble under the cut :) (cuz nsft and it got long)

first off, my backstory headcanons. He came out pretty soon after puberty bc he was immediately hit with the "oh everything about this is WRONG" feels. Gerald Crane may be an asshole who forcefully injects concentrated fear into his son, but he's not transphobic, so he helps jonathan transition.

While they go through the process of getting his name changed and getting approval to start testosterone, he gets a progestin IUD [psst, it's a surprise tool that will help us later ;)] because it massively reduces periods, which helps his dysphoria a lot.

He gets his name legally changed to Jonathan, and he's on testosterone for about two years until the events of the show. In the hospital and Arkham he is not provided testosterone.

.

He's initially put in the women's wing and called "Miss Crane" because they weren't able to get his gender changed legally and it kills him so he begs and cries to be moved to the men's wing but the staff keeps refusing, claiming "oh it's for your own safety :))) we have to keep you here." but Jonathan gets so sick of it (I imagine the scarecrow, along with being visually scary, threatens him and stuff verbally, and maybe pulls on Jonathan's deep rooted fears and mocks and misgenders him) that he makes a sui attempt and after that they're like "okay okay you can stay in the men's wing but don't say we didn't warn you!!"

First week is okay because he spends it in the infirmary, then he's released to the masses. Misgendering gets both better and worse. Staff refer to him masculinely, but it's some of the other inmates who mess with him now.

He's terrified of showering with the other men. The first few times he cried in his cell afterwards because the whole time he felt hungry eyes on his body. Thin waist, perky little breast, and that thing between his legs. He knows it's probably been months-- years even since these men have seen a feminine body. He's lucky he didn't get jumped immediately.

Because of his constant anxiety his hallucinations get worse, so he spends a lot of time sedated in his cell. And in this drugged haze, flittering in and out of consciousness, is the first time he's assaulted by other inmates. Afterwards he doesn't remember much. Mostly the pain. Feeling like he was being ripped open. He wakes with bruises on his hips and wrists, blood and other things dried to his thighs and bedsheets. He doesn't tell anyone, he just scrubs himself clean and cries until he's dragged out for breakfast.

Eyes on him again. Whispering in his direction. He tries to ignore it along with the throbbing pain between his legs while he's sitting down. On his way back to his cell afterwards he gets cornered by a large man and forced to his knees, cock shoved down his throat. He cries the whole time and the man laughs. Afterwards he just sits there for a little bit, disgusted in himself. He's covered in spit and cum and grosser things.

He cleans up in his cell again and notices his underwear was soaked through. something about being used turned him on massively. He was used like a whore and he hates it. Especially because it made something in his stomach coil and made his cunt throb in a way that wasn't painful. shamefully and quietly, he jerked himself off while imagining what had been done to him the night prior, limp body spread out willingly before his assaulter, cock splitting him open. Its so vivid he could almost feel the warm rush of cum inside his pussy. he couldn't help the broken moan that slips past his lips when he orgasms. muffled wolf whistles and cat calls quickly pull him from his post orgasmic haze and Jon is immediately embarrassed that he was overheard. of course he was overheard. each cell door has a grate at the top.

After that, he's a little more willing to let the men take him. He'll still puts up a little fight and protest, but he loves the moment they finally pin him down and force their way inside him. The first time he gets a cock in all three of his holes he cums the hardest he ever has.

The staff knows what's going on but they dont do anything to stop the assault of this teen boy, infact they even join in sometimes.

.

In season four when he's broken out of Arkham the first time he initially assumes it's because these men want him sexually, but when they say it's because they want his father fear toxin it's an immediate breakdown. The past years have been very good at keeping away his Demon, the sex and constant rush of good feelings kept It at bay. now It was back, and worse than ever.

He becomes Scarecrow, and vows to never let himself be taken advantage of again.

That vow doesn't last long, but Jervis' long fingers stroking his inner walls aren't so bad. He's gentle with him (at first) and it's a welcome change. He initially hates the feminizing terms Jervis calls him, and harshly protests them. But Jervis gently grooms him into loving them. He loves being a good girl and spreading his legs for his daddy's big cock. and Fuck, is it a big cock. Biggest he's ever taken. Jervis loves to pound into him and grind against his cervix, and press down on his stomach where his cock bulges out. Jervis caresses his stomach and murmurs about how he's going to breed him, fuck a baby into his womb.

At this point he knows it's only a matter of time, his IUD won't last forever, but a part of him gets excited at the thought. Getting bred by his daddy, clenching down and milking up every drop of his cum. Feeling his stomach grow and expand under his hands, all for his daddy.

But it's all just a fantasy, Jonathan's no idiot. He knew pregnancy would wreck him with dysphoria. When they break out together Jonathan gets a new IUD. Just in case.

Jerome joins in sometimes, he likes making Jonathan choke on his cock while Jervis fucks him. Sometimes they switch. Jervis likes to cum deep within him, while Jerome loves painting his skin with his cum.

.

and those are uh. all my thoughts, mostly. besides my season 5 thoughts but I'm writing that as a fic so I must shhh

[bookfreaky]

LOVE DOING - The Analysis

Intro:

I try to never analyse my work while still working on it, because I believe that the painting must be born from an image in your head, or a feeling, and not from a concrete idea. That is the foundation of abstractionism. Then when you’re finished and you are kind of star-gazing your own work, you try to find what made you create all that, what made you use that colour or this shape. I did that and I saw that all the dots were connected in the same theme: Love.  

Love as a broad concept and my experience with that. I think love is a very liquid sentiment, like water, it takes the shape of its every container you put it, but pretty much it’s still love. That same impulse is there. It can be like water also in the way it reflects the sun light, how it changes colours and distorts shapes. Love can be illusory; it can be lysergic but it can also be the answer to many simple questions in life. In its gas form it can be contagious and performative as it inhabits imagination, but it can also become solid when under pressure, just like water becomes ice under high pressures. In difficult situations, the love you feel for that person may be the only thing that keeps you going. I experienced that, and I think many people did too with so many people getting ill and dying during the Covid pandemic.

Like water it nurtures, like water it drowns. Love can be represented as a substance, like it just did, but also it persists as an action, an abstract action at so, an actual verb. In abstractionism, it’s to be said that colour is verb while shape is noun (I won’t remember to said that), for that reason I focused in this collection mainly in two colours in their variations, red and blue. Without the political branding aesthetic, red is seen in psychoanalysis as a active colour, the colour of human blood. Blue could be described as a “calmer” colour, but not so lacking in action. As Rebecca Solnit said, I quote:

“Water is colourless, shallow water appears to be the colour of whatever lies underneath it, but deep water is full of this scattered light, the purer the water the deeper the blue. The sky is blue for the same reason, but the blue at the horizon, the blue of land that seems to be dissolving into the sky, is a deeper, dreamier, melancholy blue, the blue at the farthest reaches of the places where you see for miles, the blue of distance.”

So I dedicate this four paintings to the people I love and whomever loves things, but also to all the feelings that come about with love. Some of these paintings are capable of calming me and I could keep looking at them for hours, forgetting about myself. Others make me feel angsty, uncomfortable and looking at them oblige me to think about my own existence and fear my future.

I really hope you look at the paintings before you read the whole thing, and suffer through the same. Thank you.  

Love Escaping Into the Blue:

This one was the first painting I made, before I imagined it to be a collection, and it was born from the experience of decompressing love from a place of deep passion; where you are taken by this sudden and enormous sadness but also relief. I felt free, really. I read this biology paper from the Monterey Bay Aquarium, called “Light in the Deep Sea”, and it explains that there’s some uniformity of colour in the ocean animals according to how deep in the water they inhabit. Animals living in the great depths of the sea, between 6,000 and 11,000 meters deep, have commonly a very vivid red colour, but closer to the surface of the water, between 200 and 1,000 meters deep, most animals are silver and grey. That’s because in this depth the brightness of sunlight is fragmented into a blue colour, and grey reflects the blue light creating the illusion that the animal is, in fact, blue. A Blue Whale is actually grey, not blue.

[Seadevil Fish (Cryptosaras couesii), left. Blue Whale (Balaenoptera musculus), right.]

The painting shows a leak of red coming into blue and bluer space, which is this feeling of infatuation and selfish desire, possession, fear and jealousy that is very red in colour and has connotations of violence and anger, moving into a place that is not so deep in the water but clearer and wider as the open sea, illuminated by this navy-blue light. It’s like you can finally breathe and see that your love is still there, but it has changed. In hope by being closer to the atmosphere it is also somehow closer to the divine. I imagine some people might feel lost when love escapes into the blue, and I get this sensation too, but it’s about loving freely, learning how not to feel love so deeply into ourselves, but widely like the ocean.

Love Growing in the Pit of the Stomach: 

When I looked at this painting in particular after it was done, I had this sensation of angst that was difficult for me to name. It’s about desire, it’s about this feeling growing inside of you that you know it will be something more than what you want, but what you need. I’ve become obsessed with the image of holes, looking like they are piercing the canvas; I think they show this emptiness I feel, like a window showing how hollow I am inside, but also, they give me this satisfying feeling by looking at them, like opening a wound and poking a bubble. I think this emptiness comes from the idea most trans women cannot take away from the back of their heads, which is if you do or do not have a “female genitalia”. Gender in our culture is very centred around genitals and biological sex, for centuries being a woman has been defined by the person who’s able to carry a man’s child. There is this little fantasy of mine where women have this little hole in them that can swallow the world. The idea of it, for me, has grown into a very real desire very much like the desire for sex. Actually, very close to sex too. But the roots growing out of the hole, in green and blue, represent pain and fear, because I’m not sure if I’m okay with the idea of having to undergo a surgical procedure to fulfil this fantasy, neither I am sure if it is a fantasy or a need.

Most of my work resembles yonic shapes (resembling the form of a vulva), either in this work or in former ones, and it’s never intentional, it sort of just slips from my subconscious. I believe that the vulva, as well as the womb, are under-shadowed symbols of power. Phallic shapes are very common in art and what-not, they are usually associated with offense and aggression. Like when school boys draw a dick on the toilet stalls as if marking their territory. The vulva, however, is never quite portrayed like that.

I read about this Japanese visual artist, Megumi Igarashi, who made several pieces of art shaped after her own vagina, including a yellow vagina-boat (which I absolutely loved) and she got arrested and fined for “obscenity”. I think that for her subversive art-form she should be considered a national hero. Many man-made constructions are phallic images, look at the Washington Obelisk, or the Eiffel Tower, but in nature we most commonly find yonic shapes, like the Grand Canyon.

There is a profound violence in desiring this, feeling as if a part of your own anatomy is lacking, but you can’t grow it naturally, you can’t do it in a god-intended way. The bright red colour represents violence and sex, and in this case both. It’s way more complicated than the concept of having kids and being a mom, it’s a lot more than to be seen as sexual beings, and sexuality, and to feel loved; it’s about symbols of power and somehow getting that denied. It’s about learning how to love this new body, a body that is foreign, infertile, obscene and unconventional. That love is hard to achieve and it is violent because women, and especially trans women, have been taught to hate their bodies.  

Love Falls In The Bathroom:

This one took the longest to finish and left me with the most unsure brush-strokes, much perhaps because it isn’t based off on an idea but on a memory, on dream. In three more years I’ll be the same age my mother had and she had me, 29 years old. Somehow it feels like a looming date. Having kids and getting pregnant, specifically, have been sporadic subjects of therapy sessions – the antithesis is always the same: you are not lesser of a woman for not being able to get pregnant, you can still be a mom through other means, you are not even sure if you want kids or marriage, you can always adopt – Those answers feel reasonable, but none of them ever could appease the deep feeling of something missing in me, like something is perpetually wrong with me. Then I understood that in this painting, I was trying to evoke these feelings. Love and grief.

[My mother, pregnant with me, in the 90s.] 

My friends tell me I seem to be older than I actually am, and sometimes I wonder if that’s not because I had never been a happy child. I feel like I had my childhood robbed from me. I mean, I had an okay, comfortable childhood, and a problematic teenage-hood, but I never had a girlhood. I am still grieving it. I had been assigned male at birth, I’m still grieving that too.

In July of this year, I experienced a very vivid dream, in which although short all the images and the sensations were, felt very real. I was taking a shower in my bathroom, I close off the water, wrap myself around a towel, my usual pink one, and when I’m stepping out of the shower stall I fell. I hit my right elbow against the toilet lid as I fell with my legs open in opposite directions, a sharp pain struck me under my thighs, close to my groin, and a light string of blood followed right after that. It wasn’t menstruation blood, thin and clear red, but thick and dark. It was all very quick but I knew, right then, right there, exactly everything that was happening. I was pregnant, 13 weeks, alone in the bathroom floor, surrounded by blood. I wonder how many days of my recent life, how many hours a day, I am really just sitting down alone on my bathroom’s floor surrounded by blood. I woke up and it still felt very real. I had spent the next two days very quiet, not wanting to speak to anyone. I wanted to tell someone as soon as I was back from the dream, but I couldn’t do it. I wanted to call someone, a friend, anyone, and say “I lost it. I lost my baby”. I realised then, in that post-dreamy state, that I have been silently grieving for a lot of things, things I haven’t yet allowed myself to grieve for. Things I still did not have a chance.

Love Lost In Imagination:

This one is the only one what doesn’t forecast red and blue colours, but instead in red and blue paint mixed together in a royal purple colour. It was the last one I made, and it’s the one that differs the most in shape. I like to imagine it was love in it’s gas form, vaping inside your brain like Nitrous-oxide, with white-coloured cloud shapes and yellow peacock eye-feathers. It’s about how sometimes love can only exist in imagination, how we often elaborate better scenarios in our heads, and we think “what if things were different?”. I believe to be okay to fantasize, anyway the utopia is what moves us towards a reality, but sometimes we can get lost in imagination, and in questioning the same questions over and over. “What if I hadn’t done this and done that?”; “What if I hadn’t said no?”; “What if I had stayed longer to watch that movie?”; “What if had come out as trans earlier?”; “What if I had become a professional writer?”; “What if I had born a woman?”. Is love real if it perpetrates only in thought?

I would be more than happy to quote some of Saint Augustine here, and his theological virtues, love being one of them, but I wouldn’t like to make this essay even longer and complicated.

I think to myself sometimes, when was it that I started to prefer having peace then pleasure. My head has always been very noisy, very noisy, and I wanted it to stop. Now it feels like I’m constantly too quiet about everything. That somehow, like the Little Mermaid by Hans Christensen Andersen, when transitioning into a woman I exchanged my legs (my body) for my voice, and now I can’t voice or even pinpoint what I want. I’m just so tired. So, so tired. My mental health hasn’t been great for more than one year, and the pandemic didn’t help. I’m constantly anxious around people, even the closest ones to me (especially the closest ones to me), I’ve been eating like a bird and sleeping like a cat. Still, sometimes I imagine what future I would like, and I imagine myself living somewhere with open space, trees, breeding horses just like my grandfather did, space for dogs, musical instruments and the kids. Space for being big.

The painting makes me think that sometimes I can only love myself in this imaginary place. Otherwise, it just looks slightly like a chicken’s head. You decide.    

- Original work, G.L. Alódio.

[sablelab]

Covert Operations - Chapter 128

SYNOPSIS:  Jamie has whisked Claire away to a romantic getaway where she can recover from her incarceration at the hands of Jonathon Randall and the Rising Dragons.

Chapter 127  and all other chapters can be found at  … https://sablelab.tumblr.com/covertoperations

THANK YOU all for taking the time to read my story and the last chapter where Murtagh took no prisoners at his interrogation.  Operations and Madeline should have known better. This man was loyal to Section and even insinuating that he may have been the mole was offensive.  Murtagh protects those he loves and his idea will protect his buddy Fergus when he too faces an inquisition in the next chapter that I will post on TUESDAY.  I hope you enjoy this chapter that is setting the mood for forthcoming Jamie and Claire chapters.  

CHAPTER 128

 From the moment Claire walked into the villa she was astounded. Sleek and stylish with laid-back luxury, the white interior gave the dwelling an elegant vibe with touches of rustic wood, ocean-inspired art and sleek, sculptural furnishings. The room was bright and modern, with a free-flowing layout that meandered from living room to dining room to fully equipped kitchen. Claire could just imagine her and Jamie waking up early to watch the swimmers catch their morning waves, have a quick breakfast on the terrace then take a few steps off the decking to the warm sand of the private beach below. It would be heaven, and she couldn’t wait to settle in to this beautiful accommodation … Jamie’s home. From the amazing view to the beautiful soothing music playing in the background, the smell of freshly baked bread and the aroma of coffee to tempt the taste buds which the Heughan’s had kindly organised after their long trip, this house was perfect and a place where she and Jamie could recuperate and recharge their batteries.   They both needed such a place of beauty to erase the memories of the past mission and what they both had experienced at the monastery.  

Claire also noticed the floor to ceiling windows that framed the magnificent view every which way she looked. However, she noted that the windows were actually fold-away glass walls that enclosed the vista of the water.  When opened they would create one seamless indoor-outdoor living space, where the terrace flowed into the open-concept living room.  Her initial reaction to the setting of the house was one of wonder but the view from the windows was even more beautiful.  As far as the eye could see they had a picture-perfect uninterrupted view of the hinterland and ocean.  It took her breath away. It was so scenic and very picturesque and every area of the property appeared to take advantage of the view. Whether it was through the big glass panels of the room she was standing in, or out on the relaxing terrace where they could watch the world go by … this place was their very own utopia for the surroundings looked so peaceful and welcoming.

A sweeping wrap around private deck hugged the outside area and framed a panoramic view of the emerald clear water.  In the distance she could see mountains of the various islands that dotted the Whitsundays and marvelled at how different the view was here to her apartment in Hong Kong and the landscape of Victoria Harbour.  There was an openness to the vista here that was missing there.  All she could see as far as the eye could see was beautiful tranquil water for there were no high-rise buildings hugging the water’s shore. It was remote and had an openness that made her feel one with nature and the surroundings.

The view in the daytime was already incredible, but under the stars in the night sky it would be absolutely brilliant, a truly spectacular and relaxing million-dollar view and one of pure tranquillity as they watched the setting sun sparkling on the water.  Just the thought of opening the curtains every morning would be a blessing waking up to the breathtaking wonders.  They would have their own private lookout of several islands dotted in between the emerald waters of this hypnotic panorama. This was truly a breathtaking vista; it had the solitude they needed, but it was also everything they required and more.  This place was the welcome balm they needed before they would need to return to Section One and the mission to finally capture Sun Yee Lok.  They would relish every moment spent in this paradise so far away from Section that they could forget everything and live, laugh, love and heal.

Claire was sure she would absolutely adore this perfect little escape from reality and would never want to leave the house. She could picture her and Jamie becoming domesticated in his home and the thought of making love under the stars or on the private beach certainly conjured up memories of their time spent on Lamma Island.  But being here was totally different. The colours of the water, and the vivid greenery coupled with the fresh air and openness was already making her feel at home. This place made her feel safe and Claire was lost for words about the beauty.  She just knew this was the place, for it had a serenity and calming space conducive to lull them into relaxation, while the spectacular beauty of the Whitsundays made her feel a million miles away from the reality of Section One.

This setting had a wonderful ambience to it that made her feel as if she really belonged here with Jamie and Claire could picture her time in this location as being memorable.  Together they could watch the world go by in their very own Shangri-La. The absolute privacy with a special brand of quiet and serenity was just the medicine they both needed.  This setting was as far away from the memories of their incarceration and life at Section as they could get and Claire was overcome with emotion at the thought that Jamie had brought her to Australia but more importantly that he owned this property and had brought them both here to convalescence.  Her heart burst with the love she felt for this wonderful man who had pulled out all stops to bring her to this magical paradise.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The main living room was bright and cheery with a modern design that was fresh and indicative of a dwelling that was low maintenance. The room was open plan and the floor to ceiling windows that covered one wall accentuated the open spaciousness of the room by providing all the natural light the filtered into the room.  Modern furniture was spaced around the room to take advantage of the view and there were large rugs on the floor under the coffee table and in front of a stylish, contemporary wood fireplace.  Claire loved everything about it and could certainly visualize herself staying here for the next fourteen days and shutting out the world they inhabited at Section One.

The free-standing fireplace situated in the corner of the room would provide a powerful, efficient heating solution for those nights when it turned chilly because even in the sub tropics the weather could turn cold. Claire could picture the two of them making love before the hearth as the heat of the fire burned while their bodies burned for each other with the heat of seduction.  It would certainly be very cozy in here when the wood was ablaze.   She wondered if they would cuddle up on the couch sipping whisky by the fire as the twinkling stars sparkled in the night sky.  That thought brought a smile to her face as she knew that they would indeed experience that scenario.

Claire couldn’t hide her excitement and glancing over at Jamie she noticed the broad smile that bowed his mouth. He gave her a piercing look realising that he had made the right decision coming here.  He was glad that he had brought his Sassenach here to this sanctuary as far away from Section as possible. However, the smouldering look in his eyes as they caressed her face sent chills of anticipation racing through Claire’s body.  She felt a rush of blood to her cheeks and she couldn’t look away as James Fraser’s stare seemed to burn through her very flesh.  Biting her lip, butterflies suddenly fluttered in the pit of her stomach at the thought of the two of making love in every room of this house. Piercing blue eyes were caressing and undressing her at the same time as if he too had imagined the scenarios that had danced through her mind.  Jamie had that look that said … Be patient Sassenach … It will happen … and she couldn’t stop the thumping of her heart pounding in her chest

His thoughts too were of a similar vein.  

And now, here they were in this house he had purchased from the Heughans. They would live a normal life as a couple if only for two weeks but in that time, he knew that his Claire would recover her strength and with his help be able to eradicate her memories of what had happened to her.  He knew too that he would heal as well and together they would gain back the lightness in each other’s psyche that had been damaged at the monastery. They would make memories here to last them forever; they’d unwind, relax and recover in body, mind and soul and … they would make love where and whenever they wanted.

Suddenly feeling a little shy, Claire averted her gaze hoping that Jamie hadn’t seen her reaction for she was having thumping palpitations all of a sudden and was feeling decidedly nervous but excited at the same time.  Apprehensive feelings of actually being alone with this sexy man suddenly surfaced. It was silly to feel this way but this would be their first opportunity of freedom from the world of Section One where every move was monitored and every glance between them was interpreted by their superiors.  In this place they could be free to express their emotions without the fear of forever looking over their shoulder.

Trying to calm her nerves and runaway feelings Claire moved over to the panoramic wall of glass windows and peered outside but was suddenly overwhelmed with what she was seeing.  The living space had been perfectly designed but as she approached the windows, she noticed the Jacuzzi and infinity pool that seemed to merge in to the horizon.  A breath suddenly wedged in her throat as Jamie’s arms unexpectedly wrapped around her waist and drew Claire back against his body.  Resting his chin on her head they stood there together admiring the view.

“Are ye happy Sassenach?” he asked as his warm breath caressed her cheek and the warmth of his body seeped into her skin.

“More that I can say … Oh Jamie, thank you my love,” Claire replied as she leaned her head back into the crook of his neck.

Jamie kissed the top of her head as his arms tightened across her stomach. “I’m glad.”

“This is the most wonderful surprise and I just know that we are going to never want to leave this magical place.”

“They have a saying about here Sassenach. Beautiful one day … perfect the next.”

“How true.  It must be so lovely here in the summer with the sunshine glistening on the water and the sunset’s magical colours in the night sky,” she replied voicing her opinions.

“Well I’m sure ‘tis like that all year-round mo ghràidh.  We have fourteen days to see if that is so.”

“Have you ever been here before on your downtime Jamie?”  She asked a little apprehensively in two minds as to what his reply might be despite his previous answer.

There were so many questions and feelings that ran through her mind.  She wanted to know, but wasn’t sure if she would want to hear the answers just in case, she didn’t like Jamie’s replies. How long had he owned this property? Had he purchased it before she had been recruited to Section One? Had he ever taken others to this place of tranquillity? Why had he decided to come here of all places?  And why bring her?    

The likelihood of getting downtime away from Section was rare, but even their top operative James Fraser needed somewhere to ease the burden of their lifestyle. The outside world couldn’t hazard a guess as to the life they led and they wouldn’t want to know about the danger he and other operatives constantly faced on missions. Perhaps this place was his refuge … his safe haven but one that he’d never utilised … until now. Perhaps he’d never had a reason to come here before and now he did. Oh, dear god, she hoped that was the answer!

“No Sassenach … this is the first time.”

Claire gave him a shy glance over her shoulder as her secret thoughts had just materialised. “Oh … I’m glad,” was her spontaneous reply that held a multitude of meaning behind those few words.

Ever so gently Jamie turned Claire into his arms until she was facing him. Placing his finger under her chin he lovingly lifted it up so that he could see her face but more importantly her eyes. Claire Beauchamp had a glass face so much so that he could read her every countenance.   He watched his love’s facial expressions crisscross her face as she looked up at him and he knew exactly what his love was thinking.  A little satisfied smirk rose in the corner of his mouth as he observed his Sassenach and the answer she had elicited.  

“I’m glad ye’re glad.” His smile was enigmatic but it warmed her heart so very much.

At Jamie’s reply, Claire shyly lowered her head as a blush deepened the colour on her cheeks for his gaze seemed to bore holes into her eyes.

He smiled seeing the rosy blush rise and gave her some respite from his intense scrutiny.  “How would ye like to help with something to eat? Ye must be starving mo nighean donn because I am ye ken. The Heughans said in their note that the pantry and the refrigerator have been well stocked, so there is no need for us to get any other supplies for a while.”

However, Jamie’s words had the opposite effect.  He had just exacerbated her wayward thoughts with his reply.  Claire knew she was in trouble being around this virile man.  

Big trouble.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Jamie noticed her reticence at his proposal to help in the kitchen so suggested that Claire take a look around the home instead.  “Why don’t ye go and unpack mo ghràidh and I’ll get us a bite to eat. Oh, and Sassenach, ye should find some suitable warm weather items that ye may like in the wardrobe too.”  

His words conjured up what they had said on the Lear jet not knowing of their destination and Claire felt her rosy cheeks turn decidedly redder at his inference to their conversation.  However, it was more the clothing optional option that registered in her mind that set her thoughts to picturing that very scenario happening here.  However, she gathered her composure and replied to his first statement.

“Yes, I think that would be a good plan Jamie.  There is no need for both of us to be in the kitchen and besides I’m not the best of cooks and I might cramp your style.”

Claire gave a little gasp. The only explanation was that she was flustered because of her own wayward thoughts about being naked with Jamie. She suddenly regretted those last couple of words that had left her mouth before she had completed her sentence knowing that he would jump on the inuendo of what she had said.  

And he did.  

Never taking his eyes from her flushed face and with a gleam in his eye Jamie replied, “Never Sassenach.  Ye could never cramp my style.”

His Claire was adorable.  He loved teasing her and tipping her off kilter because she had a glass face and he couldn’t resist mocking her as he did.  Claire could never disappoint him.  She was brave and fearless and this was proven tenfold with her incarceration at the monastery.  Claire Beauchamp had a steel rod backbone and she had endurance to withstand the torture she was subjected to by Jonathon Randall.  Seeing what she had gone through just broke his heart and made him more determined than ever to find those responsible and atone for what they had done to his Sassenach.    

However, at times she did baffle and frustrate him but Claire could always emote the reasons for why she did what she did.  It had taken him a while to completely understand her mindset and the sympathy and kindness that filled her heart for those who were persecuted and downtrodden. Claire was fierce in the way she loved and even to this day, he could not fully comprehend why she loved the man he was. He was so grateful that she had seen beyond the veneer and had looked into his soul until she held his heart in the palm of her hand.

Claire allowed him to be whole and encouraged him to express those feelings he had suppressed for so long. He’d thought he was incapable of love until she had shown him how to love and that he was worthy of her love.  This remarkable woman gave him permission to surrender to the feelings he had for her, to let go and lose himself in her arms.  She had made him a better man despite the life they lived in Section One. She had made him more human but at the same time vulnerable.  Although Claire Beauchamp was his weakness, she was also his strength and he would help her to heal in this place of tranquillity.  He planned to bring his Sassenach back from the brink of despair and he vowed to see that sparkle in her eyes once more.  

On the contrary, his Claire could never cramp his style because she was innate good and he was under her spell and happy to be there.  

While these thoughts crossed his mind, Jamie replied, “I’ll let ye off the hook this time Beauchamp.  Go unpack and freshen up. I’ll let ye know when dinner is ready.”

“Okay, that sounds like a good plan.  I just might do that.”

James Fraser smiled at her retreating back as his love made a hasty retreat from the kitchen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It seemed hard to fathom that they had been discharged from Med Lab and now they were here in Australia of all places and as far away from the memories that Hong Kong held. Here in this place they would be able to let the world go by, enjoy each other’s company, relish the privacy of their environment and forget everything and everyone that had hurt them.  These two weeks in paradise would be the place where they would live, laugh and love without fear or worry for what had happened to them. They would never forget but they would find themselves again and emerge stronger for going through this together. She felt relaxed and safe here and was so thankful that Jamie had brought her here. This dwelling really was the perfect place for the two of them to be to recover from their past ordeals and to escape the watchful eye of Section One. It was as if Section didn’t exist.

It had been a long day of travelling and both of them were exhausted. Claire was glad that Jamie was preparing a meal because she didn’t think she would have the strength to do so.  She was dead on her feet and all she really wanted to do was to curl up and go to sleep on the inviting giant king size bed in the master bedroom. Having placed all of their belongings away and examined the items of summer clothing in the wardrobe including an array of miniscule bikinis, Claire propped up the pillows and lay on the bed.  She couldn’t take her eyes off the setting sun that was disappearing behind the mountains. The sight was even more spectacular than she thought it would be and she suddenly felt as one with nature.  The warm red and golden rays kissed the water as she watched the sun disappear completely over the horizon until all that was left was the beautiful colours of the sunset that would herald another beautiful day on the morrow.  How wonderful it would be to wake up each morning to a new day knowing that it would be the start of a day of healing for both her and Jamie.  Claire closed her eyes and soon succumbed to exhaustion.

And that is how James Fraser found his Sleeping Beauty.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Claire looked so peaceful and free of worries as she lay on the bed curled up like a little butterfly in a chrysalis.  Jamie stood by the bed and looked his fill at the woman who had been to hell and back over the past few weeks.  His piercing blue gaze swept his Claire from head to toe in the space of a heartbeat.  She really was a Sleeping Beauty and all he needed to do was waken her with a lover’s kiss. Resting his hands over her body he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead then trailed another down her nose until his tender lips caressed her mouth.  Claire stirred at the touch of Jamie’s kiss and slowly opened her eyes to see her love peering down at her with such devotion in his eyes that her heart did a little somersault.  

“Wake up my sleepy head … dinner is ready.”

Jamie’s gaze sent delicious shudders down her spine. Claire had to look away and gain some composure for his look always sent her heart a fluttering and this one was particularly poignant. Stretching her hands above her head as well as elongating her legs, she wriggled her toes before replying to Jamie’s wake up call.   Still avoiding his eyes, she closed them for a moment then swallowing quickly she softly answered.

“Okay … I’ll … get … up.”

She stumbled over her words and couldn’t really make a coherent sentence for fear that her voice would give her away and allude to the emotions that had fluttered through her brain at Jamie having found her asleep in the master bedroom. She tried to get up but he had her trapped between his arms. Claire managed to cast a look his way only to see that Jamie was quite enjoying seeing her lying on the bed. Passion filled eyes avoided his as she spoke again.

“Have I been asleep long?”

He noticed the darkening pupils in Claire’s eyes but he didn’t tease her although he was sorely tempted to do so just to see his love on the back foot.  “Not long Sassenach, but when ye didn’t appear when I called out, I came in search of ye only to find a Sleeping Beauty on the bed.”

Sparkling blue eyes watched her like a hawk waiting for Claire’s reaction and more importantly her answer.

“So, Prince Charming … What’s for dinner?”  

Jamie’s voice softened and his words cut to the quick. He held her gaze with a look that curled her toes. “That’s for me to ken and ye to find out. I hope yer hungry Sassenach because I’m feeling quite ravenous.”

“Oh?”  Claire replied not quite sure if it was for sustenance or something altogether completely different for his euphemism was telling.

James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser merely smiled enigmatically.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ to be continued on TUESDAY 23rd June with one last Section chapter for a bit, then continuing where we left off here with Jamie and Claire on FRIDAY 26th June

[talabib]

How To Develop The Five Traits Th at Are Crucial To Success.

In 2001, at the age of 23, when she was broke and unemployed, Kim Perell identified three overarching goals that she wanted to achieve in her life: to have freedom, to be her own boss and to control her own destiny. Just seven years later, in 2008, she was a multimillionaire who had sold her first company for $30 million.

Having achieved her goals, she decided that she wanted to help other entrepreneurs achieve them as well. To that end, she became an angel investor – a person who provides investment capital to start-up companies. In the course of investing in more than 70 companies, she has observed that the crucial factor that turns entrepreneurial dreams into successful realities is the ability to execute – to carry out a plan of action.

This execution factor, in turn, depends on five traits, all of which can be developed by anyone willing to put in the work. Lets explore the five traits of execution – taking each in turn, explaining some general principles to deepen your understanding of them and then discussing some specific, practical techniques for mastering them.

Having a vision provides you with guidance on your journey to success.

In 1961, at the height of the Cold War, the United States found itself falling behind the Soviet Union in the space race. The Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin had become the first human to reach outer space, beating the United States to that accomplishment. So to spur his country into action, President John F. Kennedy made a bold proclamation: by the end of the decade, the United States would land an American astronaut on the Moon.  

In making this proclamation, Kennedy was articulating a vision – an ambitious, visualizable and inspiring aspiration for the future. Having a vision is the first trait of effective execution. In Kennedy’s case, it was a vision for an entire nation, but you, too, can have visions for yourself, your career or the company you’re working for or want to start.

Bringing our analogies back down to earth, while still keeping an eye on the heavens above, you can think of your vision as being akin to the North Star that once helped sailors navigate the seas. Like that celestial body, a vision provides you with a reference point that can help you navigate life’s choppy waters and unexpected waves.

Those “waves” are the events, setbacks and competing pressures that can distract you from pursuing your dreams. By keeping your mind’s eye fixed on your vision, you can stay focused on your life’s work and maintain your direction toward your desired destination, even during tough times.

That destination is the future you envision for yourself. It can take many forms. It could be a purpose you give to your life, such as having a positive impact on the environment. It could be a vocation, like cooking. Or it could be a personal goal, like purchasing a home, starting a business or completing a marathon.

Whatever your destination, you will likely find yourself taken in unexpected directions as you pursue your vision, especially if it involves a more general goal that can be achieved in various ways, such as financial freedom. For instance, kim’s first business was a digital-marketing company that sold a motley assortment of products – ranging from teeth whiteners to remote-control toys.

Was this the precise future she envisioned for herself when she was younger? Of course not – but it was part of the path that led her to achieve financial freedom. You’ll never know exactly where your vision will take you until you get there!

To have an effective vision, you need to make sure it’s clear, compelling, meaningful and pertinent to you.

If you don’t already have one, how do you develop a vision for yourself? Well, most of us have ideas about things we might want to do or achieve some day. These ideas provide us with the raw material for a grand vision – but to turn those little sparks of imagination into a guiding North Star, we need to refine them. For starters, all visions have four qualities.

The first quality is clarity. You should be able to clearly articulate your vision in a single sentence, and, in your mind’s eye, you should be able to clearly see it coming to fruition. If you can’t do either of these things, then go back to the drawing board and refine your vision.

Now, achieving clarity might seem easy, especially if your vision involves a specific goal or vocation, such as having financial freedom or running a food truck. After all, can’t anyone picture herself flush with cash or cooking curbside?  

Here’s the thing, though: to really achieve clarity, your imagination must be specific. For instance, for running a food truck, picture not just a vague, general image of wearing a chef’s hat and frying food, but a gritty, detailed image of working during mealtime hours, ordering workers around, dealing with disgruntled customers and so forth. In other words, you must ask yourself and honestly answer the question, “Could I really see myself doing this?”

That brings us to the other three characteristics of a viable vision, each of which is related and has to do with whether a vision is an authentic expression of yourself. To be such an expression, a vision should be compelling, meaningful and pertinent to you – in other words, it should fit your values, preferences, desires and personality.

Visions that fall short of these criteria are often expressions of other people’s visions for you. Consider Darren – a maintenance manager of a hospital who was renowned among his friends and colleagues for the chili he made. They kept telling him that he should start a food truck to profit off his chili. He wasn’t really interested, but their suggestion stuck in his head.

He ended up quitting his job and starting a food truck – only to find it made him miserable. He liked cooking for friends and colleagues; he didn’t like cooking for strangers.

To confirm and pursue your vision, you should test it out, visualize it, remind yourself of it and prioritize it.

How do you avoid pursuing a vision that’s at odds with who you really are? How do you make sure your vision is really your vision, and not someone else’s vision for you?

One way is to test out your vision on a smaller scale, before you fully commit. For example, if you enjoy cooking for your friends and were thinking about starting a food truck, you could try participating in a cook-off contest. That way, you’d gain a relatively risk-free experience of cooking for strangers, which may feel very different than cooking for friends.

You might love it, or you might hate it. If the latter turns out to be true, that might be disappointing – but better to find out by entering a one-time, no-stakes contest than by quitting your job and investing in a food truck!  

Now, once you’ve determined that your vision truly is in line with who you are, the next step is to stay focused on it. The more vivid your image of the future is, the easier it will be to focus on it, so one thing to do is to visualize it in concrete, evocative detail.

Here’s a trick for doing this: picture yourself having already achieved your vision. What do you see? Ask yourself specific questions to generate specific answers. For instance, if your vision is starting a business, what does your workplace look like? What kinds of people comprise your team of workers? What do you see yourself doing on a day-to-day basis?

To remind yourself about your vision, write it down in a place where you’ll see it every day, such as your bathroom mirror. Then, keep it in mind as you plan your day. Make sure you’re pursuing and prioritizing tasks that provide stepping stones to achieve  your vision. After all, you can cross off every item on your to-do list, but it won’t bring you one step closer to your overarching goal if they’re not related to it!

Prioritizing tasks that are related to achieving your vision may entail de-prioritizing or even outright avoiding other activities that you enjoy, especially those that are totally optional, such as watching television. After all, time is a finite resource, so to ensure you devote enough of it to working toward your vision, you have to be selective about the ways you spend it.

Passion provides you with the emotional energy you need to make the sacrifices that success requires.

By defining your vision, you’ve answered the question, “What do you want to execute?” Now the question becomes, “How do you execute it?” This brings us to the second trait of effective execution, which is passion.

When you hear that word, the first thing that probably comes to mind is a strong, enthusiastic emotion, as in the sentence, “John has a passion for marketing.” However, that’s only one sense of the term; there’s another sense that’s also relevant here. It goes back to the etymology of “passion,” which derives from the Latin word pati, meaning “to suffer or endure.”

In this sense of the term, passion is not just about doing things fervently because you love doing them; it’s about loving them so much that you’re willing to undergo hardship and make sacrifices for them.

Such willingness is the true test of passion. For instance, when Kim was a girl, she wanted to ride horses so badly that she agreed to clean out a horse owner’s stables in exchange for lessons. In other words, her passion for horseback riding was so strong that she was willing to scoop up horse excrement to pursue it!

Why is passion in this sense so important? Well, unless you narrowly define success as just making money and you luck out by winning the lottery, there are no easy shortcuts to achieving it. There will inevitably be hard work, stressful events and inconveniences, such as taking conference calls when you’re sick, missing social engagements for business trips or putting personal finances on the line.

 If you want to succeed, you can’t avoid making sacrifices like these; all you can do is be willing to endure them – and that willingness comes from passion. Your passion provides you with the emotional energy you’ll need in order to power through the long workdays and sleepless nights that lie ahead of you on your journey toward success.  

It’s also an important factor in finding other people to help you on your journey. By demonstrating a willingness to make sacrifices for your cause, you can position yourself as an inspiring leader to your colleagues or employees. Asking whether potential or current colleagues or employees share your passion can also help you to choose the people you associate with.

You need to identify, feed and prioritize your passion to fully benefit from it.

To tap into the power of passion, you first have to know what you’re passionate about. If you don’t already have a clear conception of this, ask yourself the following: What do you love so much that you’d be willing to make significant sacrifices for it?

Maybe it’s a subject, such as fashion or animals. Maybe it’s a skill or activity, such as writing or painting. Or perhaps it’s a role, such as being a teacher or a caretaker.

Whatever it is, here’s your next question: What are you doing on a regular basis that’s feeding your passion? If the answer is nothing, the next step is to change that!  

You can start small. The idea is just to get your feet wet and do something – anything – to become more connected to your passion. For instance, if it were fashion, you wouldn’t have to go out and become a designer right away; you could just start a fashion blog!

However, you won’t be able to write even a single blog post or take any other small steps toward feeding your passion if you don’t make time for it. As with your vision, you have to prioritize your passion and carve out a space for it in your schedule.

And that means making trade-offs. To accomplish tasks that are related to your passion, you’ll have to sacrifice tasks that aren’t related to it. That may require declining invitations to social engagements, such as parties and dinners, which may be scheduled at times that conflict with your pursuit of your passion.

To mitigate the disappointment of your friends, colleagues or family members, you should communicate to them the rationale behind your absences. You can also compensate them for those absences by offering alternatives, such as one-on-one meetings or small group get-togethers, which you can schedule around your pursuit of your passion.

While you pursue it, you can further encourage your passion by celebrating your successes, both big and small. For instance, when one of kim’s companies achieved its first month of earning $1 million in revenue, she celebrated by taking her entire team to Las Vegas!

That’s an example of celebrating a huge accomplishment in a big way – but small victories, such as closing a business deal, deserve small celebrations, too. Try literally feeding your passion by treating yourself or your team to a dinner!

When beginning to pursue your vision, the key is to act by taking a small first step.  

Once you’ve found your vision and your passion, you’re like a driver with a destination in your mind and a full tank of gas in your car. You’re ready to head out – but you won’t actually go anywhere until you put your foot down on the accelerator pedal.

That’s the third trait of effective execution: action. Suffice it to say that no one ever accomplished anything without taking action, which, in this context, means doing something that takes you closer to following your passion and achieving your vision.

Assuming you’ve been able to articulate your vision and are ready to take action, the first question you’re going to face is, “Where do I begin?” After all, there are many possible paths of action you can take. Which one do you choose?

Well, don’t overthink it. Otherwise, you could find yourself stuck in analysis paralysis, which is the condition that occurs when you get so caught up in mulling over your options and all of their possible ramifications that you become overwhelmed, leading to inaction.

Just do something. Move forward. You don’t need to commit to any particular path at this point; just pick one of them and take a first step. You can still reassess, change direction or even back out before you proceed further, so there’s no need to overanalyze.

But that’s not to say you should act thoughtlessly. Remember, it’s just a step you’re taking here – not a leap. Don’t quit your job and put your livelihood on the line. Instead, keep your current job while turning your vision and passion into a side hustle.

Consider Stacey. She worked in corporate finance, but her true passion was health and wellness. From this passion, she developed a vision: starting a juice company.

But she didn’t quit her job, tap into her savings and jump straight into the high-risk enterprise of establishing a new business. Instead, she took a safer, smaller first step: selling juice at a farmer’s market on the weekends.

This way, she could get a better sense of whether she enjoyed the work of selling juice and whether there was a market for her product.

Progress toward achieving your vision requires forward movement coupled with a daily review process.

What comes after you take your first step of action toward following your passion and achieving your vision? Well, this might sound glib, but the answer is pretty simple: after your first step comes your second step – and then your third step, your fourth step and so forth!

Obvious as this may be, it does bring up a less obvious consideration that’s important to bear in mind: your first step may be a great success – but to keep moving toward your vision, you have to, well, keep moving. If you just keep taking the same step over and over again, you’re not going to get anywhere.

The same logic applies to the second step and every step after that. At every step along the way, you need to keep moving forward to make progress.

Apple provides a vivid example of the importance of continuing to move forward. Apple is one of the top brands in the world, but its success didn’t hinge on being the first company to develop technologies such as MP3 players and smartphones. Other companies beat them to those innovations.

Rather, Apple took these preexisting technologies and relentlessly innovated them. The company never rested on its laurels; it didn’t let itself get too comfortable in any particular step along the way of its journey. After developing the first iPhone and iPod, it went straight on to developing their follow-ups – and then the follow-ups to the follow-ups, and so forth.

However, while moving forward is crucial to success, it’s also a double-edged sword. If you’re heading in the right direction, it will get you closer to achieving your vision – but, by the same token, if you’re heading in the wrong direction, it will take you further away.

To avoid the latter prospect, it’s important to create and implement a daily review process. First, write down a list of all of the actions you took today that were related to your vision. Did they really align with your vision? Did they really take you closer to achieving it? Are they feeding your passion? What direction are they taking you – and is that in a direction you still want to go?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then it’s time to reassess what you’re doing and change your course of action!

Resilience is the trait that can help you withstand and even benefit from challenges and setbacks.

The fourth trait of effective execution involves another word with two meanings: resilience.

Here’s the first meaning: if someone or something is resilient, that means that he, she or it can withstand the turbulent winds of fate. For instance, if a building can weather the literal winds of a hurricane, it would be labeled as resilient.

But in another sense of the term, a resilient person not only withstands the winds of fate, but also harnesses them to the best of her ability – as a sailor does with her sails. She knows that while she can’t control the direction of the wind, she can control the direction in which she points her sails.

The uncooperative “wind” in this metaphor stands for the challenges, crises and setbacks that the world may throw your way when you’re pursuing your vision. If you’re resilient in both senses of the word, you’ll not only take these difficulties in stride; you’ll also respond to them in ways that lead to growth.

And one of the main ways that you can do that is by staying positive, as well as hopeful and hungry for new opportunities. That was one of the keys to billionaire Elon Musk’s bumpy road to success.

Today, you may know him as the successful CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, and a cofounder of PayPal. But before he succeeded, he faced many setbacks. His first business idea for PayPal floundered, and some of his SpaceX rockets literally went up in smoke. But he didn’t give up; he kept trying to succeed – and eventually, PayPal and his SpaceX rockets took off, literally and figuratively.

That’s an example of resiliency in the sense of withstanding setbacks. But Elon Musk also provides an example of resiliency in the other sense of the term: not just withstanding setbacks, but also growing from them.  

For instance, in 2017, when reports came out about the high rate of injury at his Tesla factory in Fremont, Musk made some unusual public pledges to his employees. One of them was that he would have one-on-one meetings with injured workers to learn about problems on the factory’s production line. Not only that, he would then perform their tasks himself to experience those problems firsthand. Thus, he turned the problems into a learning opportunity.

You can develop your resiliency by taking care of yourself emotionally and looking for opportunities to exercise it.

So how do you become more resilient? Well, you can think of your resiliency as a mental muscle – something that, just like a physical muscle, can be developed with exercise.

But first, it helps to stretch and relax the muscle. That means taking care of yourself emotionally, so you can alleviate your stress, anxiety and fear. This will allow you to be calmer in the face of adversity, which will help you make better decisions.

Simple ways to do this include physical exercise, meditation, journaling, creating an action plan and talking things out with a friend or mentor. In the aftermath of situations that destabilize your mind with negative emotions, these activities can help you to restabilize.

In a similar vein, you can also reconnect to aspects of your life that have a stabilizing effect on you. For example, even in the midst of professional turmoil, you can find a sense of calm when playing with your children.

So those are some ways you can stretch and relax your resiliency muscle. Now let’s look at the exercise part.

One beneficial technique is to turn everyday setbacks into opportunities for exercise. For instance, Sara once bought tickets to a Guns N’ Roses stadium concert for herself and a group of 20 colleagues. She thought it would be a great bonding experience. There was just one problem: it turned out that all of the seats were in different parts of the stadium!

But rather than gnash her teeth at the setback, she decided to turn it into an opportunity for teamwork. She proposed that each member of the group try to trade their seats with a stranger, and then trade that new seat for another seat with a second stranger, and so forth and so on, until they were all sitting together.

Not only did this gambit work, saving their concert experience; it also made that experience even richer than it would have otherwise been. Instead of just rocking out to songs like “Paradise City,” they also got to share a memorable team-building exercise and bonding experience.

So next time a little adversity knocks down your building blocks, see if you can make a game out of rebuilding them into your own “Paradise City”!

Expanding, deepening and maintaining relationships are the key to augmenting your abilities to execute.

The fifth and final trait that leads to effective execution is the most decisive one of all. You can have the clearest, most compelling vision in the world, and you can pursue it with relentless passion, action and resilience – but you’re not going to get very far if you try to do everything alone. You need the help of other people, and that’s what the final trait is all about: relationships.  

As the old saying goes, no man (or woman) is an island. All of us have limited time, energy, skills and knowledge. But by pooling these precious resources together, we can expand the range of what we can accomplish.

If someone else lends you some of her time and energy, you’ll have more overall time and energy to expend on pursuing your vision. If someone lends you her skills and knowledge, you can fill in some of the gaps in your own skills and knowledge. And, of course, this goes both ways, leading to the potential for win-win relationships.

The more of these relationships you establish and maintain, and the deeper those relationships become, the more you’ll be able benefit from the power of having other people in your life. It’s therefore crucial to cultivate a network of people with whom you can enjoy win-win relationships.

To expand your network, look for people outside your immediate social vicinity. For example, if you work in a corporate environment, look for people not just outside your team, but also outside your company or even your industry.

To deepen your relationships, take the time to show a sincere interest in getting to know these people better. Don’t just ask routine questions with yes-or-no answers, like “Did you have a good weekend?” Instead, ask deeper, open-ended questions, like “Where do you envision yourself in five years?” or “What’s your passion?”

To maintain your relationships, make a habit of showing people appreciation through nice, thoughtful gestures. Emails saying “thank you” and “congratulations” are one good way of doing this – but handwritten notes are even better, since they feel more personal. And when you have spare moments, such as when you’re driving to work or riding in a taxi, you can use the time to reconnect with people by phone.

Avoid negative relationships, while making reasonable exceptions to this rule.

The ideal relationship is one that’s win-win, where both parties mutually benefit from each other. Sadly, however, many relationships are win-lose or even lose-lose. What’s more, some relationships that were once win-win descend into negative territory.

In light of these facts, experts recommend conducting a periodic life audit of your relationships. Once a year, sit down and review all of your relationships one-by-one, splitting them into two categories.

The first category consists of positive people from whom you received inspiration, support, energy and challenges. The other category consists of negative people from whom you received the opposite effects.

It may sound cold, but then you have to make a conscious decision to distance yourself from the people you placed in the second category. Moving forward, you should spends less time with them or even cuts yourself off from them if need be.

Of course, some issues can be worked through, so you shouldn’t be quick to write people off. You should only place people in the second category if the issues seem intractable, at least for the foreseeable future. In the longer-term future, the person may change, in which case he can be welcomed back into the first category.

You should also recognize that people can become temporarily negative because of difficult experiences, such as illness, the death of a loved one or a job loss. Refrain from placing these people into the negative category, since you know they need the help of your own positivity to pull through to the other side and return to a more positive state of being.

Finally, recognize that in a workplace setting, you can’t just stop talking to a “coworker who has a negative effect on you.” Since you’re stuck working with them, you have to figure out a way of interacting with them to the best of your ability and minimizing the negativity as much as possible.

The point isn’t to eliminate all negativity from your life. That’s impossible. It’s simply to maximize the positivity and minimize the negativity, so that you can put yourself in a position to actively, resiliently and collaboratively pursue your passion and execute your vision so that it becomes a reality.

The execution factor is your ability to carry out plans of action that enable you to achieve your goals. It rests upon five traits: vision, passion, action, resilience and relationships. Each of these traits can be cultivated. Execution is therefore a skill that you can develop, enabling you to put yourself in a position to succeed.  

[bangtanxm]

Bookclub; February Highlight

February is the month of love and as we all know, love doesn’t happen over night. Whether it is angst, sexual tension or pining we all love to be on the edge of our seat hoping and begging that they would finally get together. So, naturally this month theme was “Slow Burn” and these are our our monthly fanfic recommendations from our bangtanxm; bookclub!

In the following you find a list of fics we recommend and reviewed this month. Please support these amazing authors! With every monthly recommendation, there is also a drabble game that everyone can participate in. You’ll find the masterlist at the end of the reviews. Happy Reading!

BOOKCLUB; recommendations

TIDES WILL BRING ME BACK TO YOU by @sujigguk​ [aka @ftyoonmin​]

— Summary; Fate is a funny thing. Humble fisherman, Yoongi, learns this when one evening, it's not a fish that sits at the end of his hook, but a bottle, containing a note claiming that a creature of the sea by the name of Jeongguk has been left stranded on land and is soon to draw his last breath.

bookclub; review

“This story immediately pulls you in with the amazing story-telling. Lou has a way of writing so beautifully detailed that it makes you imagine the amazing scenes in your head vividly. On top of that, it is a really heart wrenching love story, mixed with a wonderful fantasy theme of siren Jungkook and his fishermen Yoongi.” [@softjeon​]

“Wow. So, Tides Will Bring Me Back to You has been on my to read list for quite a while. I regret my choices in not reading it until now. This fic was an absolute work of art. The singular amazing thing I want to point out is the attention to detail. So, we as readers expect fics to be good, especially AUs. Like we want some world building and detail so that we can visualize the setting and location and what is going on with the characters that are being put into this new world. This fic was able to do that but MORE. The attention to the setting detail was unbelievable. There was so much in terms of vivid descriptors and explanations that painted this super vivid and pretty image in my mind. I’m scared of the ocean to be honest, so I have never gone out on a ship beyond like, a lake. And have only ever seen the ocean from the safe confines of the beach. But because of the detail in this fic, I was able to visualize it so perfectly and vividly, it felt like I was really there.I really enjoyed Jungkook as well. Obviously he’s a gorgeous young man in real life, right? Which is why I liked this fic because it wasn’t this stunning perfect man from the waist up, you know? He had the scaly back, the webbed fingers, the sharp and kinda creepy teeth, etc. I think that this made it more “realistic”, as realistic as a mermaid fic can get of course, but like… I don’t know, it felt more real and added a layer of uniqueness to the fic that a lot of supernatural AUs tend to lack in fanfic terms. Also, the ending. Some might struggle with this because it was so ambiguous (no spoilers of course) but I really liked it. Though I’m sure the author had like a set “this is how it is” ending or explainer, I like that it’s this sort of grey area for readers to think on and figure out.” [anon]

“Omg, I really loved this fic. It's a bit longer than I normally read because work sort of keeps me away from reading more than writing haha but I really loved how Yoongi had this NEED to help a stranger he had no idea existed or not. Then to watch their love blossom that way and Yoongi protect Jungkook. It's also cute that Jungkook calls Yoongi 'My Yoongi' and Yoongi first thought it was a mispronunciation of his name. I do love mercreatures too, so that also drew me to this one. I loved the details and the tidbits of background we get from Yoongi and his love for the sea/sea creatures. Sorry, this is just all over the place.” [anon]

BABY BLUE by @chimknj​

— Summary; Jimin is blue. He’s loyal to his customers and confident in everything he does. Namjoon is white. He’s pristine and maintains a perfect balance in life. When the two come together, they create baby blue, a color of freshness and something new. It’s new for both of them, but not all new things are bad.

bookclub; review

“What an amazing story! Even though Minjoon is basically already "together", although Namjoon is just paying Jimin to be there, it is just heartbreaking to read about how Jimin tries to get to know the other more, trying to get him out of his shell and falling in love while he is doing it. All while Namjoon tries to stick to his rules making it so much harder for Jimin, himself and the reader....cause damn!!! I could have screamed the characters sometimes and it literally hurt my hurt so much each time Namjoon pushed Jimin away ;; I can't.... I wanna cry just thinking about it again.” [@softjeon​]

“...beautifully written plot, where you just want to punch Namjoon in the face until he finally reveals his true feelings.” [anon]

“I didn’t mean to consume over 70,000 words in one sitting. I honestly didn’t. Over a few days, over a week. Space it. But I knew I was lost at the end of chapter one, the same way Namjoon knew he was lost the second Jimin’s cute hands started unbuttoning his shirt after date night.Honestly. This fic had everything. I laughed a lot, I cried way more than I’d like to admit to, I had the urge to take a cold shower more than once, I wanted to take Joon by his perfectly ironed lapels and shake the ever-loving crap out of him. Honestly though, it felt like a full-length novel. I mean it was, by length, but also by content. The world that was created was beautifully devised and detailed, and everything from the various business names to the design of the apartments was so easy to visualize due to the richness of the descriptors. Personally, I appreciate that. It adds to the ‘movie playing in my head’ way that I like to read.The smut was unbelievably well written. It was sexy without feeling too unrealistically “porn film fantasy” if that makes sense. Like the progression felt natural and easy rather than being rushed or faked like some fics tend to do. It was clear the author did the required research in terms of D/s and wrote what felt very accurately.I loved the involvement of the other members, I think they all played really great, vital roles as side characters. And honestly, they were so rich in their own right that I would love spin offs about their own arrangements with their respective partners!The ending was absolutely sweet and perfect too. I spent the whole fic praying it’d end in a way that was satisfactory to my wrenching heart and I feel like it gave me every single thing I wanted and more.” [anon]

EVERYGREEN by @softjeon​ & @cassiavioletblue​

— Summary; Yoongi felt that something was wrong the moment he had stepped foot into the garden. He hated that this sense of foreboding could mean anything and he had seen enough to have a very vivid imagination of what could wait in the bushes for him. His grip was tight and ruthless but when he felt he weight of something heavier he startled. In front of him on the grass, bloody and shaking was a deer hybrid; a boy, obviously younger than himself and apparently in a lot of pain.

bookclub; review

“Whuff. There's hybrid fics. And then there's THIS hybrid fic. I know that hybrid fics are one of those things you either love em or hate em, I honestly couldn't find a thing to dislike about this fic even if I tried. Firstly Yoongi as the grumpy on the outside (but squishy on the inside) raccoon is perfection. Imagining his markings and those growls and grumbles -- it's so endearing. And then there's JK who, a deer? Oh come on, I'm soft. Imagining him with the broken little antler and those soft, cute markings V_V It's tooth rotting, I swear. But for all the fluff and sweetness, there's this layer of angst and hesitation that makes this feel like such a deep, melancholy slowburn. The will they - won't they, the pull of each and push back, the "I can't" and "I want" -- GUH. Really, it's just so sweet and perfect.” [@kimlinebiased​]

“I read Evergreen as it came out. It seemed like such a cute take on a trope that’s pretty common in our fandom, but one I’m less comfortable with, so I was really eager to see these authors’ take on it, since I knew I love their work already. The story opened up with action that sucked you in almost immediately, but it really balanced that with some slower, almost peaceful moments. I think that’s a really big draw of this story, really these authors overall, but this one in particular. They have a handle on the ebb and flow of the story. What I mean is, things happen and it’s exciting and oh god cliffhanger, but then things slow down and give the reader a second to breathe (but not too long, because then it would get boring). The balance between breathing space and action can be really hard to balance and I think these two do it really well.  For this particular story, I think my favorite character is actually Namjoon. Sure, he doesn’t have a huge part, but I think he’s super well written and quite in character to the canonical person. (All of them are in their own way, but he sticks out to me). He’s so supportive but not afraid to tell Yoongi the truth even if it’ll sting. Further, he isn’t perfect. He lets his heart get in the way of his head sometimes (like with Jimin) and it makes him really endearing and realistic in a refreshing way. I think that he’s one of those absolutely indispensable characters in this particular world. Like sometimes, it’s easy to switch members, have x play y’s part, y play b’s part, etcetera. But I think that Namjoon’s part was written so perfectly, it fits him like a glove and made it really enjoyable when he was on the page. The plot has some things that the reader can “call” so to speak – like you might read and know there’s gonna be trouble for JK, he’s gonna get tangled up in the mess in some way, but even thinking you know, it’s still done in a way that it doesn’t take away from the enjoyment and “oh no” factor when the big climax does finally get rolling. Just like you know pretty sure, it’ll end happy, I still found myself worried about ‘well what if it doesn’t’. And I think that’s a testament to the authors, really. They are able to take these fanfic tropes and make them feel fresh and new, so even if you feel like you might know what will happen, the way that they weave the story together makes those emotions still hit in a really palpable way.I’d also like to discuss the overall setting of the story. There’s only a few locations that the readers really get a feel for, but particularly the cabin. I think that the descriptions of the cabin and forest and general development of the backstory and setting was really well done. Things like hybrid or other non-human AU’s can be really tricky to keep interesting but still give the right amount of backstory and description so that they aren’t confusing. We as readers need to know the rules, but not have a history textbook, and I think this fic really accomplished that as well.Overall, I just really enjoyed the feeling and emotions that this fic caused. I think that it was able to really convey some important messages while still being woven into a sweet, unique love story. [anon]

THE JUSTITIA PUGNATORES by ShoshinLaurels [AO3]

— Summary; When stable boy Park Jimin's best friend, crowned Prince Kim Taehyung finds himself under threat in his own palace, his guards dropping like flies, the only option left is to call on the Justitia Pugnatores, the 'Justice Fighters.'Three men boasting incredible skill and legendary pasts come barrelling through the heart of the palace, shaking everything in their wake.As the dilemma of the princes impending chances of murder only escalates, Jimin finds himself wrapped up in a mess of secrets, heartache and suspiscion.If only Min Yoongi didn't complicate things. 

bookclub; review

“It's been a while since I read this, but I would happily read it in one sitting all over again. I'm a sucker for royal settings and I absolutely ADORED the dynamics of this one. It's just the right amount of angsty and fluffy, and keeps you hooked throughout.” [@sujigguk​]

“Damn these apples! I really loved this fic out of various of reasons, the relationship between the characters are amazingly written, the setting and overall plot is so well thought out and it just has the perfect mixture between angst, fluff and comedy… i mean, just the first chapter had me laughing so much.” @softjeon​

THE WAY GUCCI LOOKS ON YOU by @joonsrack​

— Summary; “Funny how even in this ridiculously absurd situation, life had made Taehyung a third-wheel. Or a sixth.If Bangtan Dry Cleaning was his fairy godmother, Jimin his little mouse, the jacket his magic dress and the club scene his ball, where the fuck was his prince charming?A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts.”

bookclub; review

“So, this fic is really is so cute. I started in on it just casually, but found myself entirely sucked in and couldn't put it down until I'd read all that was written on it. Taehyung specifically is such an interesting character - his thought processes and sass are just perfect. I adore Jimin as well. And then there's Jungkook, who is so -INSUFFERABLY ARROGANT- but not in a way that makes you dislike him. He's still so endearing and you WANT these guys to just get off their high horses and kiss or something, but you also kinda want Tae to pour water into his lap because he's such a rich boy. I love it so much. I can't wait for the next part.” [@kimlinebiased​]

“A story that could very well fit a movie! It’s everything you need on a sunday night! You laugh, you want to throw something at their rich faces and scream at the boys to just kiss already. A perfect Slow Burn!” [@softjeon​]

“The way that Gucci look on you (amazing) is such an adorable and absurd (in the best way) slow burn. It’s a wip now, and I honestly cannot wait until the author updates. The case of mistaken identity is such a good trope that honestly, I feel, isn’t done enough. Especially not in such a cute and fun way. Of all the ways for Tae to get outed as not who he said he was – this one was epic. Of course, it’s a slowburn, so you expect the endgame ship to you know, not be huge fans of one another, but the tension here is so palpable, it is awesome. Taehyung cannot stand that cocky little JK and JK’s arrogance is both hilarious and infuriating. But there’s very clearly something deeper to him, and I really like that the author is able to make that clear through hints and clues, rather than just outright saying it. It adds a depth to JK’s character that often gets missed in fics, especially because we know these guys so well, so to speak. Having those sort of subtle nuances really adds to the overall enjoyability of the fic. I think Jimin is such a great supporting character too. He’s the perfect mix of Jiminy Cricket and devil in your ear, so to speak, and his personality comes off as so honest to who he is canonically. It makes him so fun to read. (And the YoonMinSeok trio is helpful as well, what can I say, soft spot for poly even in side pairings). All in all, it’s just an absolutely stunning fic so far and I can’t wait for the author to continue it.” [anon]

UKIYO by Sharleena [AO3]

— Summary; A story of tender tides and unmoving hummingbirds.

bookclub; review

“I'm almost halfway into this story but I really have to rec it cause wow...if you like mafia and urban fantasy themes then this is THAT fic for you listen succbus jimin, mafia leader yoongi, a damn deeply laced mystery that I can't EVEN FREAKING FIGURE OUT I usually can connect a few dots in mystery stories sometimes bUT THIS STORY IS KILLING ME there is someone yoongi is looking for that's destroying his gang and he like DOESN'T FREAKING EXIST and I know once I reach the end I'll be like IT WAS RIGHT FREAKING THERE IN MY FACE lmao but seriously the authors' worldbuilding skills is freaking legendary and I'm always hoe for mixing different themes together and the mix of urban fantasy and mafia just ugh freaking beautiful. The Slow Burn is real in his fic, yoonmins' dynamics are annoying and frustrating as heck but can be really sweet sometimes because they're both very broken individuals and they're trying to find comfort in one another. The themes are obviously very dark so carefully read the tags and also author notes in the beginning so you know what to expect but seriously it's so damn worth it and I will be personally putting a long feedback directly on their Ao3 as well when I'm done because i know I'm going to have lots more to say. BUT SERIOUSLY THIS IS THE SHIIIITTTT SO FAR SO GOOD SO DAMN GOOD I FEEL FED EVERYTIME I READ IT GIVE IT A READ WHEN YOU CAN!!” [@flowerwrites06​]

FAKE SUGAR by minverse [AO3]

— Summary; "I guess," Jungkook pauses momentarily to inhale a deep, bracing breath, "I would just want you to come to my work events and laugh at my jokes and don't correct people if they imply that we're doing it.""Having sex, you mean," Jin clarifies gently, and Jungkook chokes on air. If his face was any redder, Jin would insist on taking him to the hospital. Jungkook clears his throat, obviously trying to play off the strangled, choked sound as a casual cough."Yes. Doing... sex."

bookclub; review

“I love a good concept for fic, and a face sugar dating  au sign me up!!! honestly this is one of my all-time favourite fics, cos its not only funny and entertaining but it has so much heart!!! like i just love the vibe of the fic, and i wish i could keep reading it forever. Plus the characters are so like-able and feel so human. Also jinkook holds a special place in my heart, and jk being all shy in the beginning and jins confidence is an unmatched pairing!!! EVERYONE JUST READ IT, ITS SO FUCKING GOOD, okay im done now sorry…" [@tinysweetscrown​]

“I read this a while ago, and also everything else by minverse... Everything they write is gold, the character construction, the dialogue, the relationship/chemistry, the humour, the plots...just everything. Fake Sugar kept me up at night with its brilliance and originality, i couldn't get enough of jin and jungkook's relationship, but also all the other members' interaction and storyline. It's expertly written and i sincerely think everyone should read it, if they have not already.” [anon]

“Aaaaaah i love this so much!!! I absolutely love the characterisation of jin!!! I find it very refreshing! In some ways it’s completely /jin/ yet in others it’s such a nee and fun way of describing him (the fact that hes a competition eater absolutely sends me its just. So! Jin!) i also love jungkook!!! Tiny gay babie kook having to impress ppl he doesnt want to impress and getting competitive over that dindjdjd once again i could genuienly see it happening! And oh boy oh boy am i excited to see how this story pans out! The little appearances by the rest of bangtan as well i love it! It all flows very naturally and none of the cameos feel forced or anything. AND JIMIN UDJDJDJD I LOVE HIM. the fact that hes just a chaotic brat having dumpster sex and causing trouble oh my god im still crying jsbsjsnjs.” [anon]

The Drabble-Game; MASTERLIST

— prompt; “Romantic attraction is literal: characters feel a pull like gravity to people they’re attracted to. The bigger the attraction, the harder the pull.”

Thank you to everyone who participated! Stay tuned for the next theme of the month to participate!

NUMINOUS written by @softjeon​ & @cassiavioletblue​

— Summary; “You’re fucking kidding me, are you?” He looked up at the ceiling and made an annoyed face. “You really want me to suffer do you? Stupid universe.”

— Join the Bookclub here! — official post — faq

[procrastinatorproject]

So I have been rewatching Star Trek: Picard (for my Mapping La Sirena project, more on this anon) and there is something I have been wondering about for a while. Maybe other people have opinions about this? (Spoilers and way too much rambling after the cut ;9)

When we first get glimpses of the Admonition, there is a shot of the eyes of an android which turns into the eyes of Data. I mean... it’s very, very clearly data, not some generic humanoid android. And that bothered me because how would a 200.000 year old message created by overpowered synths from outside spacetime contain concrete images of the future?

And then I just rewatched ep 9 and the whole, unjumbled version of the message that Sutra sees and it got even more weird, when you think about it too much. There are tons of images that would not have existed 200.000 years ago, things like Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man, Data, Synths with the Starfleet chevron, the attack on Mars, etc.

So I now have two theories about this:

1: It’s a prophecy The super-synths exist outside of space and time. I have no idea what that means exactly or if it even makes sense, but it could imply that time is meaningless to them, so they could have taken images from anywhwere in our timeline. This has its own problems, namely: How would they know about Data, about the attack on Mars (something that would not have happened had they not created the Admonition) but wouldn’t know that Soji would ultimately chose not to contact them? Are synthetic beings the only ones who have a true free will and whose actions cannot be predicted? So that after the critical point in evolution, the super-synths can’t see anything in that world’s/galaxy’s/whatever’s spacetime anymore? This gets into the nitty-gritty of how even does time(travel) work, something that Star Trek has a... mixed record on (i remember a friend who refused to watch DS9 because the concept of the Prophets existing outside space and time put them off too much), but it’s a possibility nonetheless.

2: It’s Oh’s interpretation of the Admonition I recently reread the truly, truly excellent Applied Ethics for Theoretical Cybernetics where at one point, Emil and Agnes discuss how she only has Oh’s distorted interpretation of the Admonition in her head. In the mind-meld, Oh transferred her experience and perception of the Admonition and we have seen that experiencing it drives people mad. So it would be reasonable to assume, that the message itself might not contain any concrete images, just... general feelings, warnings, unformed thoughts - and whoever experiences it fills in their own visuals for the abstract concepts Admonition is showing them.

Oh has been living with this horrible, traumatic scar on her mind for literal decades. Her brain has filled in visuals for specific aspects of it, like the early Starfleet Androids (the Chevron has the shape from the TOS-era), Data, the attack on Mars, and there are even glimpses of what are probably Jana’s eyes - whom Oh would likely have seen a picture of when Vandermeer contacted her about the First Contact.

My two main points in support of this theory are first: we see flashes of the Zhat Vash going mad after experiencing the Admonition, the scene we saw at the beginning of ep. 8. It would make sense for that to be mixed in, since it’s a pretty vivid memory of Oh’s (also, we saw she transferred bits of that scene to Agnes along with the rest at the beginning of ep. 7). So the whole things is at least somewhat contaminated with Oh’s own memories and experiences. Second: a lot of the images are human/Terran-centric (the fox decomposing (thanks for that, btw -.-), the embryo, the aging human, etc.). That might be because humans were the first to develop sentient synthetic life, or it might be because in showing the vision to Agnes, a human, Oh’s mind supplied visuals for the abstract thoughts of the Admonition that would make sense to Agnes, too. (Yes, that raises the question of “why do we see flashes of that at the beginning of ep 8 when it’s all Romulans?” which might indicate the “humans are the first to develop sentient synths”-explanation is more plausible, but I have no qualms to put that up to the editors being way too in love with that bloody decomposing fox and move on...)

Either of the two main theories raises the question why we see glimpses of the signal tower, since Oh can’t have known about it and the super-synths being able to see and leave images of the future up to and including the signal tower but then not knowing that Soji is going to turn it off is... not very satisfying. So I would imagine it’s there because the Admonition contains an instruction set on how to build the thing, which would make sense in either version of events.

Sooooo. Yeah. Does anybody have any other theories we can add to this?

Yes, I am MASSIVELY overthinking this on a scale that does not bode well for how the whole Mapping project is going to go because people will get tired of the pedantry, but my brain insisted we put this in writing somewhere. And I didn’t want to spam Horizon with this on WhatsApp, since she already suffers enough under my constant “I DISCOVERED THERE IS ANOTHER DOOR ON LA SIRENA THAT I HAD NOT SEEN BEFORE”-texts...

[stars-and-rose]

emily’s notes on dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS

so it took me an hour and a half to fulling watch the video because I ended up taking seven and a half pages of notes??? i might make a separate post analyzing the characters/the plot in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, but we’ll see. with that out of the way, please note that these notes are in chronological order. spoilers under the keep reading

 seven warnings. seven freaking warnings. shit has hit the fan

why is Thomas ME in the mornings

wait no THOMAS BABY AHHHHHH

Virgil and Patton’s expressions when they first come in, oh god, Virgil looks absolutely done and Patton’s playing the ‘nothing is ever wrong’ game again 

ROMAN. THERE IS SOMETHING OFF WITH MY SON AND I’M NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES IN

Patton singing to himself is pretty cute not gonna lie

“secrets secrets are no fun, share with me or else we’re done.”-Roman is me yet again

also “i have yet to receive my invite to the pity party” Ro i can’t-

okay so it seems Virgil Patton and Thomas all know something and they don’t want Roman to know

not gonna lie, watching these three play cover-up is pretty damn funny and Ro is on to them

I AM ONLY 2 MINUTES AND 28 SECONDS INTO THIS AND I WANNA C R Y

Roman calling in Logan for back up? WHOOOOOOO we stan

AHHHH SOMETHING IS VERY W RON G

Logan gets one FALSEHOOD a day?

honestly can't tell if they’re trying to protect Roman or they don’t trust him rn and ahhh that hurts

I’M VERY CONFUSED

i feel like i’m witnessing the logince vs moxiety war

so everyone but Roman knows and everyone but Logan is desperate to keep it that way

???????

 NO ONE IS OKAY

they’re all coming for Ro’s role as the Extra side, huh? we’re hitting some extremes

“you all are acting fishy.” “so what, i’m acting fishy, sush- sue me.” “don’t pretend that wasn’t on purpose.” Roman and Virgil at their finest

why isn’t Roman allowed to know about Thomas’s intrusive thoughts???

“i’m going to prohibit your breathing if you keep this up.” Virgil NO

Virgil Patton what are you doing 

Roman is not going to fall for that distraction

wait no he did

i think everyone is a wee bit high

“have you ever imagined killing your brother”-HOLY SHIT SHIT IS HITTING THE FAN

OH MY GOD THE HANDS BEHIND RO AT 5:58 I JUST SCREAMED

THERE IS A CREEPY RAT MAN BEHIND THE TV

Patton covering his mouth and whispering out evil, and Virgil dropping into his tempest tongue when they see creepy rat man AAHHHHHHHHH

OH MY GOD HE HIT ROMAN HE HIT ROMAN WITH A MORNINGSTAR OH MY IS HE DEAD

“it’s the Duke.” thank you, Logan, BUT WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

The Duke is so freaking scary i can not-

state farm ad: everything in life is alright with state farm!

me, in hysterics only eight minutes in: nOtHiNg Is AlRiGhT

the Duke’s costume though... the clear elements from Roman but the inverted colors and the Duke feels gaudier

the Duke’s song is so creepy i can’t oh my god he'd been on screen for five minutes and he’s terrifying. The imagery, how dark everything is, how easily he moves around the other sides i’m chilled to the bone

did Roman call the duke bro??? um what???

also isn’t roman unconscious

I WANT MY ROMAN BACKKKKKKK

oh god what happened between Deceit and the Duke

the Duke is fucking terrifying. have i said that yet

i don’t wanna see the dark sides anymore! i’m good

that song is going to haunt me FOREVER

so the Duke is dark fantasies and corrupted creativity definitely Ro’s dark side

i no like

maybe the Duke was able to pop in because Roman’s been hurting recently????

HE JUST PULLED OFF HIS EARS OH GOD

Logan is the only one keeping himself together, i hope he can rationalize the Duke but i fear not

“you’re not creativity!”

“yeah! that’s the brave, handsome (Patton your gay is showing) unbeatable Roman!

*camera cuts to Ro still unconscious muttering about mashed potatoes*

Virgil looked so cute when he blew his bangs out of the way!

back to the angst

‘you’re scary’

*camera cuts to hurt/unimpressed Virgil*

ALSO THE DUKE IS NOT SCARY HE’S TERRIFYING 

everyone is pointing fingers ahahhahah

how quickly Patton believed Logan was actually Deceit OOF when the only evidence for this was based on the fact Logan didn’t agree with Patton/Virgil’s method of dealing with the Duke

Lo: *trying to logic through the situation*

Vee and Pat: please shut your mouth

Logan:*talks about how nothing is black and white*

Thomas: *points out the difference between Roman in white and the Duke in black*

which is an amazing visual for character!Thomas’s black and white thinking

and it’s also an amazing detail to contrast Roman and the Duke. i thought the contrast between Patton and Deceit's suits was cool in SvS, but this is another level

Roman is still unconscious on the floor. the Duke is standing over him. alright, trash rat bastard.

wow i can’t believe my favorite side has a twin brother that’s an actual rodent

holy shit Thomas is such an amazing actor i genuinely cannot handle it, applause applause applause

“Wow, I hate him.” YEAH ME TOO THOMAS

the entire side conversation between Logan and Patton regarding the cradle in the treetop is gold 

have i mentioned that the duke is disturbing yet? there is an EYEBALL on his shoulder

“...........maybe?” oh Patton bb you are trying but you’re not there yet

wow what happened between the Duke and Virgil, because the Duke really don’t like him

ROMAN YOU CAN G E T U P NOW

okay Virgil, that’s fine, break my heart

we’re still stuck on this “is Thomas a good person thing?”

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOGAN YOU GO SMART BABE

the flashback is just as creepy every time it plays gOD

well Vee got in an uncensored curse

Patton is shook

Virgil legit looks at him like,”you’re really hung up on THAT right now?”

“I’m about to smash the hulk!” what is happening.

“One of you is enough!” yes and I’d prefer Deceit right now!!

Deceit is a shit but he’s a shit with a cause

the Duke is just a rat

Patton is really playing the ignore all our problems card,huh

that didn’t work his arc why is he trying it again???

“this isn’t about me wanting to be listened too” SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU’RE TOO BLAME @ logan

Logan almost calling Virgil paranoid HURT

that brings me back to the whole “paranoviligant” scene from the Hogwarts video. both Ro and Lo have prevented themselves from calling Virgil paranoid, even though I feel like meaner things have been said. the word paranoid is significant then. 

also logan quickly fixing his mistake there damn i love him

Thomas pleading with Virgil and Patton hurt me so much AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“well that can’t be where the bar is” WHAT A PARALLEL

Logan’s speech on religious really hit me. 

i’m Catholic, but I’m also Pansexual.

watching an openly gay man talk about Religion freely made me feel really happy and accepted and i might have cried

also it was such a good way from Logan to make his point

the Duke really threw Patton and Virgil through a loop, huh

LOGAN IS THE BREADWINNER LISTEN TO HIM G O 

okay, theory time: the Duke gets more powerful the weaker Roman gets and vice versa. so to keep the Duke away, Ro needs to get himself in a better place to figuratively defeat the Duke. but how can he get to that better place when it seems everyone is against him?

“i said figuratively. and that is why i say it. THAT *clap* IS *clap* WHY *clap* I *clap* SAY *clap* IT *clap* Lo really went off there, you go you funky little nerd

also Logan claps to emphasize his points a lot and it’s cute

“despite his best efforts, Virgil's could never stop being the bad guy~!” OUCH

you can see the vivid hurt on Virgil’s face when Logan says that it’s his faiult, it looks like he was slapped

and Logan quickly adding “oh and uh Patton.” 

“rEcOrD sCrAtCh?” shut up stinky trash man

and Virgil’s shock that he isn’t the only problem, that isn’t not completely his fault?

and logan’s shock in realizing he isn’t the problem??

not like i needed a heart or anything

wow the Duke finally realized that Logan is going to smite him only took 25 minutes

he really just went off on Logan and Lo’s not even fazed

did the Duke just-

yeah he vored the deodorant

i can’t take this anymore

THE DUKE’S NAME

first of all, he just gave it anyway like it was nothing. the others gave thier names at key moments for them, and the Duke is like, yeah I’m Remus

also I SAW the little look he gave Virgil he’s not fooling me

wait is that why he gave his name so early? to spite Virgil? because Virgil hid his name for so long and such?

that’s it I’m voring the stinky trash bastard 

second, the significance of the name itself. i’m assuming Remus is named after the Remus in Roman mythology. You know, the twins Romulus (hint hint RO nudge nudge) and Remus, the founders of Rome, but in the end Romulus killed Remus and became the city’s namesake

based on the connection of the names, and hoping that Roman is the Romulus of this story, Ro will be able to ‘defeat’ Remus one day

DID LOGAN JUST BARE HIS TEETH AT REMUS

he did OH MY GOD

Roman, still unconscious on the floor, telling Remus to shut up and defending Lo? we stan (one) creativity twin 

well Remus just shuriikened Logan in the forehead

Logan simply falling for a brief moment then fixing the wound? he’s really a badass huh

Logan just summed up this entire shebang by saying,”if things one and two stop fearing the psycho asshole he’ll have no power.” alright Lo you go

LOGAN ALL THE WINS

Remus is really fucking dramatic huh, really seeing how he can be Roman’s twisted twin

really, Ro is chaotic good and Remus is straight up chaotic evil

“is he gone” you can’t be falling for that they’re ten minutes left on the episode

they fell for it

Virgil’s brutal honesty in listening off Thomas’s problems oof

“what if you sniffed your dogs butt?” Remus is getting a bit milder the more Logan talks him down, Lo is truly a king

“just shut up” WHOOOOO THOMAS

Patton and Virgil listening to Lo? GIVE ME AN AMEN

now we just need Ro to jump on the listening-to-Lo-express

 AND LOGAN SAYING “IT’S OKAY” AND COMFORTING THE OTHER THREE  AND BEING GENTLE WHOOOOOOO NO MORE OF THAT EMOTIONLESS BULLSHIT LOGAN WE KNOW YOU CARE ABOUT THEM

Logan’s speech on therapy? FANTASTIC, GIVE HIM AN AWARD

Patton admitting and realizing his over controlling methods and flaws??? we stan character development

VIRGIL JUST CALLED REMUS A COMMON COLD I CAN’T

but really, Virgil telling Remus off and calling him a pest not worth his time?? a king

“it was just like old times!” the look Patton and Logan share, they definitely are aware of Virgil’s past with the dark sides/ possibly being one and they are done with Vee being harassed

STINKY TRASH BASTARD IS GONE

ROMAN IS NOT DEAD

but his line, “I can see now why everyone was reluctant to tell me what was going on.” confused me

why didn’t the other warn Roman that Remus could be coming? it’s not like Roman didn’t know Remus existed (they are literally twins) and the other knew Remus existed so I'm not sure what all the secrecy was about. if the sides warned Ro, he could have been prepared, and you know, not unconscious for most of the video.

EVERYONE IS SO CONCERNED FOR RO AHHHHH

literally i might have screamed

i definitely did

when Roman used the same insult/nickname as Remus to Logan, how distraught he looked oh god

maybe that’s why Roman’s so much of a perfectionist,,, he’s so desperate to not be like Remus, Roman forces himself to be the exact opposite and it’s causing him pain

the little smiles everyone gives Lo at the end??? AHHHHHHHH

Thomas thanking logan and calling him Cool, and Logan just sinking out in response?????

SOFT SOFT SOFT

the entire like thirty seconds Roman and Remus share the screen, RO looks so uncomfortable 

there has to be something else that happened between them,not just they being exact opposites... not sure on what

it also seems like Logan is getting better but Roman is falling down the rabbit hole and getting even worse

the funhouse mirror metaphor HURT

Roman is really coming for Patton’s nothing-is-ever-wrong game huh?

also just noting the parallels between Roman and Remus, the hand gestures, even how they both sink out with the same BYEEEEEEEE!

Virgil babey don’t blame yourself-

holy shit Virgil just dropped the mic

really that scene broke my heart

it wasn’t the reveal itself, but damn the delivery

Virgil looks on the verge of tears,puts himself out there and telling Thomas that he was a dark side and being met by silence???

my HEART

Thomas is such an incredible actor i cannot-

side note, how did Thomas not know? i believe the other sides know (someone please ask me about this so i can rant) and Vee was never exactly sutble about it and Deceit and Remus both taunted him about the past??

is character!Thomas just that dense??

so it seems like Logan is doing better, Patton is decent for the moment, but Virgil and Roman are both struggling right now

it feels like Roman’s arc is very drawn out, so i feel like things are getting worse before they get better

as for Virgil, i REALLY want the next video to be about how the past doesn’t define you and end with the other comforting Vee.

dear G O D why is Remus eating deodorant??

also, i really want to know what is actually the deodorant

or is Thomas actually eating deodorant

SOMEONE PLEASE CALL POISON CONTROL-