#I mean like. social conventions of reaching out and sharing minds and how that works

[llycaons]

the ethics of telepathy and mind-melding here are really underexplored

[divine-crows]

🎨✨️Art Magic✨️🎨

Uses, Forms of it, and Why I Think Everyone Should Try it at Least Once.

Foreword

Right before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I had been trying and failing to rekindle my flame for magic work. No matter what I tried to do I just couldn't get back into my studies and I was reaching a point where I was convinced I lost my spark and was doomed to live an empty life. Then it all changed when a YouTube Channel challenged how I thought about everything: Molly Roberts. That's when I was opened to the possibility of art magic, and I'll now share my love of it with anyone willing to read on.

What Is Art Magic?

A means to utilize art for spellwork, raising magical energy, or for exploring your magical subconscious. It encapsulates multiple different types of art and is generally not confined by conventional expectation (unless that's what you prefer).

You can utilize art magic by. . .

Using traditional art methods

Digital art methods

Collages

Music composition

Jewelry making

Embroidery

And much more!

How do I know if Art Magic is Suitable for Me?

There isn't a specific thing that'll indicate this form of magic is perfect for you, however I have some anecdotes from my personal experience as both a witch, and a regular artist that form a sort of idea on what could denote this being perfect for you!

First off, craving freedom from personal restraints was a big factor that pushed me towards blending my craft with my passion for art. If you want to run from the monotony of life, if you feel trapped by the social construction of boxes, or if you simply want to challenge your own mental restraints... then this idea might resonate with you.

Challenging yourself with a new form of magic, similarly, can also be a good enough reason to try. I'm the type of person who loves to constantly learn new things and I unfortunately get bored really quickly if I can't get new source materials. Using Art Magic has proven a fun challenge for me that allows me to explore a lot more topics you can't just open a book to find.

For those that may not be able to safely perform a lot of traditional style spells, this form of magic provides a discreet way to practice witchcraft. Most people wouldn't really question someone if they picked up the hobby of making art, and even if they did there's plenty of reasonable excuses out there.

How you prefer your spells to manifest themselves can also affect if this journey is a good idea or not. I find that Art Magic is really good when it comes to subtle spellwork that is more longform (though depending on how you construct them you can definitely create a spell that's the opposite).

Catalog aspects of your magical journey. Imagine a grimoire filled with pages of drawings, each one telling a story of something you experienced or learned as a witch. This especially may be more beneficial for visual learners.

You could use it as a means of meditation, sometimes art can be calming and it can open the door to your mind (so-to-speak). Especially if you're like me and struggle with staying completely still while trying to clear your mind, this may be helpful for you.

Trying to better understand archetypes, deities, types of entities, or even your own self can also be a big part of this. I've used art magic as a way to embody the "energy" of something before so I could better understand it. Especially when you're trying to seek knowledge that isn't often written on, it can provide a great way to explore more.

How Can I perform an Art Spell?

I have a step-by-step process that can give you some insight on how you may approach it:

1) Think of the intention you want. I like to close my eyes and meditate on it for about a minute then I write down if my mind wandered to any specific imagery or ideas.

2) Think of visual symbolism and colors that can help you capture the mood you want. Perhaps you need a warm color palette to invoke positive feelings, or maybe there are specific objects or animals you can include on the composition that represent something.

3) If you feel it fits your composition, you can include sigils, symbols of significance, and include shapes that have certain associations. It doesn't even have to be obvious either. You can use a circular composition to convey something endless for example, or a triangular composition to show priority over something.

4) In general follow what your heart tells you. This is a little cliche, but ultimately follow what seems best to you. Art isn't about boxing yourself in and my guidelines are just general ideas for anyone who's lost!

Why do I think that everyone should try it at least once?

From my experiences as a witch, I find that a lot of paths to be followed are quite rigid. By no means am I implying that a rigid structure is bad-- it creates a foundation from which we can work upon. I myself am exploring rigid, 'traditional' (for lack of a better term) ways of working magic. Art magic pushes you out of your comfort zone in a safe way. It makes you consider how you associate things. It makes you create new sigils and makes you research new symbols you previously wouldn't have used.

So next time you're lost on a spell, or you've lost your way in your Craft and you don't know what to do, think about maybe giving Art Magic a try. I hope my guide was a helpful starting point for anyone interested in the topic!

[aashiqeddiediaz]

you know, after watching day 3 of the democratic national convention, i need to say something, especially to other muslims like me.

most of the muslim communities that i'm a part of have chosen to vote uncommitted, or independent, or sometimes, even trump. they refuse to give their vote to kamala harris and tim walz, because of the way the us has handled the war in gaza, and how they have been careless with acknowledging palestinian lives lost, how it was american bombs and american tax money that went towards funding this genocide. it's fucked up, and it's wrong, and there shouldn't be any debate on that.

and i am 100% in support of that anger. i am 100% in support of forcing america to stop funding this genocide. no one wants to keep seeing palestinian lives suffer. no one is free until we're all free, and i believe that to my very core.

my only concern is that where this anger is being placed, from 1 year to 11 weeks before the presidential election, is so scary. because the reality of the situation is that america has a bipartisan outlook. whoever gets the presidency is either democrat or republican. and every vote that doesn't go towards democracy (i.e. voting for kamala harris) inadvertently goes towards trump's big plan of project 2025, which is basically dictatorship. Even voting uncommitted, even voting independent. we cannot afford to elect trump for a second term, and voting anything other than democrat draws that line way too close, especially in swing states like michigan, pennsylvania, wisconsin, georgia.

yes, there are many issues that we wish joe biden would handle better. there are many ways that the democratic party has fucked up beyond repair. there are many ways the democratic party has refused to acknowledge the pain of people affected by their military people throughout the years, and we've been seeing it for years. this is not a new thing. this did not start on october 7th. we see it during pretty much every administration.

however, voting for your candidate should never be based on a singular issue. no political candidate is ever going to check every single box. and its so unfortunate that we have to always take the "lesser of two evils" approach when nominating our president, but that's the reality of the situation at this very moment. there are many other rights to be considered that are at stake this election, all of which trump is trying to remove. abortion bans, women's rights, healthcare, social security, climate change, to name a few.

(and, somehow, there's a belief that trump will lead to a ceasefire deal where biden-harris didn't? let me tell you that is never going to happen.)

does this mean we just stop protesting or pressuring? absolutely not. you NEVER stop, because if our votes are the ones that put the candidate in their position of power, then we expect results. we expect them to work towards what they promised. and we can't let up on reaching out to our local county offices and our state governors and escalating these issues further until someone takes notice and does something about them. we don't elect them and just leave them to do what they want. we keep them accountable. use that anger i was talking about.

but it also means not having tunnel vision. the election in november could very well mean the end of democracy if kamala harris doesn't win. this post is not me all giggly-happy over the democratic party, because trust me, i have my fair share of issues with them as well. this post isn't to tell you what to do, because i can't force you to vote blue. i can't force the community i'm in to change their minds about toss-up votes. but what i can do is put down plainly what's at stake this election. and that is, very simply, our right to choose everything.

so if you are eligible to vote and haven't registered, please do. if you haven't voted before because "what's the point", please see above what the point is. a handful of votes is enough to flip the outcome of an election, especially with the electoral college.

and if you're still on the fence on whether to vote for kamala or trump, hopefully this post gives a little bit more perspective in the most streamlined way i could manage without bogging you down with statistics and numbers.

the choice is yours.

[meet-me-at-our-place]

🎶 anon

girl this just made me appreciate yeosang more. judging by this ship he is too pure and you honestly deserve that pure in your life. but also this is long long, like long doesn't even describe it, this is 10,000 words long........... like see this is why i wasn't posting. but for any other followers of mine the length of synastry ships depends on the amount of clarification that i see fit.

anyways i hope you enjoy this, you deserve every second, every minute and every word of this ship. i truly appreciate you and i just wanted you to know that your kindness, consideration and care is seen and reciprocated from not only me but yeosang since you got that precious fan call moment!

grab something nice to drink and and a snack and take your time reading <3 love love loveeee

~aspects~

~pros~

trine uranus~ sun: Dude, like dude this is the best aspect to kick this off! It really does show that your relationship is quite special and precious. There is a very interesting connection that is as dynamic as it is electrifying, this comes from the harmonious blend of Yeosang's self-expression and individuality and your unique and unconventional energy. Essentially this means that there is always this sense of creativity, innovation and originality in your relationship.

Yeosang feels inspired and encouraged by your progressive and forward-thinking nature, he actually finds himself drawn to your innate ability to challenge societal norms while embracing your most authentic self. On the other hand you admire Yeosang's confidence and the way he radiates his true nature, his true everything. There is also a sense of excitement and adventure in your relationship. Yeosang may find that he is inspired by your ideas and desire for change, this gives him the amazing opportunity to break free from conventional thinking and explore new realms of possibility. You're motivated by his natural leadership qualities and the fact that he is able to easily shine his light on the world.

There is a strong partnership that is deep and fulfilling for both of you, however, it seems to be contagious since you also have the potential to make a positive impact on those around you. The connection that you have encourages both of you to embrace your individuality, think outside the box, and contribute to the greater good by challenging a perceived status quo.

sextile uranus~ jupiter: This one is hard to put my finger on, like it matters so much but that's the problem how do you describe something that encapsulates so much? So essentially, Yeosang will truly expand your thinking which results in you becoming so much closer to the truths of life. This is very much mutual, so it's no surprise that you aid in Yeosang having many breakthroughs in the form of thoughts and ideas. There is also a shared progressive attitude towards life. You happily motivate each other to join new groups, activities, and social circles. You open each other’s minds to new cultures and experiences.

Yeosang has quite an amount of wisdom which supports your journey of self-enlightenment. Your selflessness also works very well with Yeosang's altruistic nature and his passion of being as altruistic as possible, you inspire each other to reach for the stars and make the most of life's opportunities.

Since this aspect is sextile it creates a more natural flow to your relationship, it also contributes to this sense that you both support each others personal philosophies or ideals as well as your needs for freedom and independence. You encourage each other's unconventional or unique sides, and you are always coming up with very interesting, novel ideas. Something else is that neither of you intend to follow all of the traditional norms or expectations in your relationship.

trine cupido~ neptune: This one is so cute idk, this whole synastry ship is bringing out the feels. So okay here's the thing literally the most wholesome relationship ever because the concept of cupido, what you desire in a partner and how you're attracted to them, coincides with the realm of ideals, intuition, spirituality, compassion and dreams and delusions. We can remove the delusional part of this because really there is such peace and kindness. Both of you aren't afraid to be in touch with your deeper emotions, so while you are both quite forward with your kindness and personality there is a sense of vulnerability that comes out when it's just the two of you. Really, you're caring as individuals and now you've found each other you willingly shower each other with love and affection.

For both of you this is your ideal, once you enter a relationship you will easily forget the single life since you really can't imagine a lifetime where you're apart from each other. Yeosang's altruistic nature rubs off on you, he is such an inspiration to each other. Now spirituality and dreams also intersect in a very deep and meaningful way as well since you are able to find a deep sense of calm that will heal both of you, so while there could be chaos in your lives together you find solace in a calm peace. This only occurs because you are both so selfless and you both work hard to create this safe space. You are each other's emotional sanctuary.

trine mercury~ neptune: Yeosang helps to inspire your imagination, and this is also another expect that suggests he will open your mind up to things you weren't aware of. This could come in the form of you just realising how life actually is or it could take a more sentimental route such as you being more open minded in love and more willing to explore the world through Yeosang's eyes. He adds colour to your conversations and your life. There is also a very high likelihood that you share a similar appreciation for the arts, you also enjoy talking about artistic or spiritual topics. There is also a considerable amount of ease in communication, you really get what the other is saying as well.

Also something that is quite special and important to mention is that Yeosang also enlightens your mind with spiritual wisdom. Yeosang is kind of scary in the way that he has such a good understanding of existence at a personal, social and spiritual existence. Even if he doesn't fully understand his role in life he is very perceptive, so while some people believe in a very straightforward version of life, saying that a person is confined to their thoughts Yeosang shows you that you are much more than your thoughts. Because at the heart of it YOU are the one creating your thoughts, they don't own you in that way. Yeosang can easily elevate your mind to a higher level of thinking, where knowledge isn't gained through an active mind but a silent heart.

Even though you can be quite rational you never feel threatened by Yeosang's abstract thinking, his dreaminess doesn't overwhelm your need for clarity. Both of you find a beautiful balance while enhancing each other's natural gifts. Another thing is that your listening skills encourages Yeosang's storytelling gifts, because at the heart of it the language he uses often feels inspiring. His words have the power to transport you to another realm.

sextile pluto~ uranus: This is a very very powerful aspect since it brings forth a powerful combination of energy and transformation into your dynamic interactions with others. Between the two of you there is a profound connection that can promote growth and liberation on various levels. A unique opportunity is presented to the two of you where you're able to stimulate each other's desire for change and evolution. Together, you can explore uncharted territories, challenge societal norms, and break free from limitations that hinder personal growth. There is also a bit of emphasis on the idea of embracing your individuality and expressing it authentically in this relationship.

Since you, for the most part, remain open and honest with communication you are able to inspire each other to tap into hidden potentials and manifest profound transformations. By encouraging each other's independence and supporting each other's growth, you can create a dynamic and fulfilling relationship.

sextile neptune~ pluto: Just look at ya'll!

This particular aspect represents a powerful combination of transformation and spiritual growth in your relationship. The energies present in this aspect works together harmoniously, empowering the two of you to explore the profound depths of your psyches and expand your consciousness. There is a natural inclination for the tow of you to support each other in your spiritual journeys. Actually you may find yourselves drawn towards exploring more mystical topics of practices or at least deep psychological healing when you are together. There is also a deepening of your shared understanding of the mysteries of life as well as a mutual desire to uncover hidden truths. I'm sure I touched on this briefly in other aspects but again both of you will experience a profound transformation within yourselves when starting this relationship.

Yeosang's influence will bring about a deep introspection and a purging of old patterns and beliefs, while you inspire spiritual growth and a solid connection to your role in life. Because of this you will immediately foster a strong sense of empathy and compassion for each other since you both recognize the transformative power of your connection.

trine uranus~ mars: I previously mentioned this sense of excitement, this aspect gives more context to the excitement in question. The excitement is comfortable and peaceful even if there is added excitement, novelty and intrigue in your relationship. The excitement stems from the most wholesome thing ever: Yeosang recognizes your quirks and unique characteristics of you and is excited by these, you basically give him this thirst for excitement and adventure, even if your mutual sense of adventure isn't so adventurous. You want to keep things interesting and it's natural for you to want to create exciting experiences with one another and to experiment, grow and change as you go along.

Inventiveness, personal freedom and space, and refreshment are central themes between the two of you. Overall this aspect adds a nice layer of vitality and innovation to your interactions. Yeosang is enough of a push for you to act on your ideas, inventions and inspiration and in turn you inspire him to innovate, experiment and explore avenues that other people dismiss.

trine moon~ neptune: You have an intuitive understanding of one another, yeah you understand what the other is saying and that's all well and good but you also understand each other on a more energetic chaotic level. Regardless of this you can still talk about your deep feelings with much ease. This aspect also brings with it the ability to anticipate each other's moods, the shared thoughts are chronic, it may seem like you think of the exact same thing at the same time, or respond in a similar way to a specific situation. This is a relatively positive aspect however, it does mention some more deeper, negative aspects. So at your best you can comfort and nurture each other with great emotional depth, however, there could be a case of blurred boundaries, manipulations, or illusions in your relationship.

Returning back to the positive side of this aspect your gentleness consideration and kindness are crucial merits of your bonding. Again there is also mention that art is a vital part of your mutual interests. You comprehend each other's ways through instinct and kindliness rather than being rational and judgemental of each other, relating to your perception of your relationship and the world around you both share a very delicate and mystical worldview.

sextile saturn~ jupiter: Both of you possess the amazing ability of stabilizing and moderating one another, there is also a natural flow of energy in your relationship. This presents you both with the positive opportunities of personal growth and achievement. Another thing that is quite prominent is the fact that you both have a very strong sense of purpose and the ability to manifest your goals and ambitions. Your grounding influence can help to stabilize Yeosang's expansive energy, helping him focus on his achievements. In short you take a more balanced approach to growth and success. This is actually such a relaxed aspect since you both can work towards your aspirations without feeling overwhelmed or feeling that your mind is scattered. There may also be a lot of financial stability and material abundance in general.

Moving on from the money and career stuff this aspect creates a supportive and encouraging dynamic, both of you inspire each other to reach for your dreams and show the world your full potential. You provide each other with practical guidance and wisdom, helping each other navigate challenges and setbacks. Overall, there isa sense of trust and reliability, it's quite apparent on the surface but others don't realise how deep your connection with Yeosang runs.

trine jupiter~ pluto: This aspect combines a significant amount of qualities that has already been mentioned in other aspects. Essentially, there is an emphasis on the powerful and transformative connection between you and Yeosang, there is also notable intensity and depth present in your relationship. you have the potential to support each other in profound personal growth and spiritual, this comes about from the mutual understanding of the need for growth and expansion in life. You inspire each other to explore the depths of your own psyche and to expand your knowledge and belief systems. This aspect also points out that you may have a shared interest in esoteric or mystical subjects and will partake in deep philosophical conversations that lead to profound insights.

This aspect also brings a sense of abundance and opportunity to the relationship. You may also possess the natural ability to attract resources and create wealth together, this can manifest in a material or spiritual sense. Again you can support each other in manifesting your visions and goals, and the relationship may be a catalyst for personal and financial success.

sextile sun~ moon: Your relationship is cooperative and warm. It doesn't take much for Yeosang to trust you, this is very apparent in the earlier days, it could even pre date your actual relationship. Since he trusts you so much he allows you to see his emotions, on the other side of things you gain immense emotional support from Yeosang. The relationship just flows, there is also a good amount of emotional understanding between the two of you. The only thing to be aware of is that some of this doesn't come naturally, some of these qualities are things you can work towards as a couple. Basically the energy of this aspect is always present but it takes work to cultivate these qualities so that they become permanent.

Over time you learn how to be more emotionally supportive and gentle with each other, you begin to understand each other's emotions without verbal communication because there is such an energetic flow.

trine sun~ saturn: This aspect highlights the fact that you really trust each other and it comes so naturally in this relationship, you also work through problems as a team. Yeosang is very VERY loyal to you and is willing to go the extra mile to make the relationship work, while you give Yeosang a sense of joy and newness by shining your light on the relationship. On top of that there is a deep sense of commitment to each other. I don't know where else to mention this but Yeosang is a lot less rigid when he's around you and even though he feels an overwhelming sense of responsibility to care for you he isn't severe or strict with you. You teach Yeosang how to let his light shine through and have fun. Something that is so so so cute is the fact that neither of you have to work to provide for the other, it just happens because you both immediately assume the role of partners easily, it almost feels like fate to be together it is all just so natural. If you believe in past lives there is also an indication that there is some overlap from a past life where you had some type of karmic working relationship.

trine mars~ jupiter: Harmonious and invigorating energy fills this relationship, both of you feel that sense of encouragement and support from each other. This aspect also just doubles down on the fact that you will be able to pursue new opportunities and expand your horizons since you support each other so much. Your dynamic nature and assertiveness is appreciated by Yeosang, who sees the potential growth and success that could happen in your relationship.

Together, you feel unstoppable and confident in facing any challenges that come your way. The combination of Mars and Jupiter creates a fortunate and lucky energy, enhancing your ability to take action and seize opportunities. Your intuitive and timing abilities complement each other, making you a dynamic duo. Friendship and is also strong in this aspect as you both enjoy an active and adventurous lifestyle when you are together. The energy of this aspect also manifests itself through healthy and fulfilling sexual expression.

sextile moon~ mars: You share an exciting relationship that can, for the most part, be quite positive! Keep in mind that this aspect doesn't do much for compatibility on it's own but combining it with all the other aspects it creates this special type of spice and excitement to your relationship. AKA this aspect adds a good deal of sexual chemistry and general attraction. But also keep in mind if there is a lot of difficulty or difficult aspects in your relationship the moon sextile mars aspect can add fuel to the fire and generate some emotional volatility and anger.

But but but this is still positive so, at it's best, it helps the two of you develop a sense of emotional excitement and passion in the relationship. You have the ability to nurture Yeosang and give him the emotional platform that he needs to go out into the world and take action, you're also a calming presence to Yeosang when he isn't feeling emotionally disrupted. Yeosang encourages you and helps you get out of your shell, bringing out your most authentic self. Oh and you also like when Yeosang takes initiative in your relationship and tries new things too.

trine venus~ sun: Both of you are pretty darn attracted to each other and again there is easy flow in your relationship and you get along quite well. There will always be those moments where Yeosang will have to pause to really get a good look at you, reminding himself of how especially beautiful and attractive you are. In a similar fashion you are attracted to Yeosang's charming, charismatic and warm nature. I mention this to say that this is quite a big part of your interactions with one another, you really do value and admire each other's qualities. Another thing to note is that while you don't have the exact same qualities, you find complementary values in each other. This aspect also indicates that your relationship was built upon something platonic, even if you are together romantically you still remain good friends based on the fact that you share a lot of your values.

Both of you admire each other's charisma and grace, along with this you also support each other's dreams and goals. For the most part your relationship is equal and balanced, however, with the presence of aspects that carry friction there may be times where harmony dwindles. It might seem a bit unexpected due to the type of person he is but Yeosang can assume the leadership role in your relationship. This is mainly in areas of dreams and hidden desires, he may help you pursue your dreams or he could take charge with giving you what you desire and encouraging you to tell him what you'd like from him. This would typically feel overwhelming for any other couple but you don't ever feel overshadowed by Yeosang in this area, instead you coexist harmoniously. The overall consensus is that you have a lot of common ground concerning hobbies, interests and preferences, yet you aren't exactly the same. There is enough differences between the the two of you to make the relationship interesting.

trine saturn~ mars: Like okay, I know neither of you will want to be too flashy and show off your relationship but regardless, it will be so apparent how well you get along! You are fully aware of the differences between the two of you, so much so that you know how to work together well. It is likely that one of you will be the driving force behind the majority of your decisions while the other will work as guidance, monitoring your relationship and any situations that you may find yourselves in. As a result of this you both achieve your goals in a way that feels easy and natural.

You may come to find that can work on projects or solve problems with little friction. Yeosang is that little dose of energy and excitement while you add structure and focus to your relationship This is all you need to have a stable and fulfilling relationship. Returning to Yeosang and his incredible energy. He mightn't show it all that much, this was definitely the case before he met you but you see the side of him that brings so much energy and action to the table. He's the one to excitedly encourage you to do things right this minute, everything that happens in your relationship feels fast paced and exciting. All of this can be credited to Yeosang being the one to initiate activities, never hesitating to bombard you with travel plans or split second nights on the town.

It is also highly likely that Yeosang is the problem solver, when challenges come up he's quick to take action. He isn't the type to sit back and let things happen, he would rather tackle issues head-on. This proactive approach can do wonders in moving the relationship forward and overcoming any hurdles. In summary, he provides drive and spark into everything you could possibly think of. Your contribution is the momentum that keeps everything moving. In short the worst case scenario for the two of you is a relationship that gets stuck in responsibility and routine.

Regardless of this fact you actively bring a sense of responsibility to the relationship, something to note as well is that you're usually quite good with practical matters like finances or planning for the future. You're more likely to want to plan and save money for trips instead of pulling a Yeosang, there is a nice dynamic that's in play since you make sure that the exciting plans and activities Yeosang initiates is doable and won't lead to any problems down the road. You also bring emotional stability to the relationship. If things were to ever get tense your calm demeanour can be a balancing force. You help to put things into perspective, above all your grounded nature can be a huge comfort to Yeosang who, at times, might be more reactive or impulsive.

For lack of better word you are the strategist in this relationship, while Yeosang want's nothing more than to act, you lay out a type of roadmap to make sure those actions lead to meaningful results. Your contribution is in making sure that the relationship not only survives but thrives in the long run. You're the one who sets up the guidelines and boundaries that help the relationship grow in a healthy and sustainable way.

quincunx pluto~ ceres: Now first things first I put the quincunx's under positive aspects, however, quincunx's are a neutral aspect that tends to address the positives and negatives. This particular aspect indicates that there is a powerful dynamic at play, there is tension or some type of challenge that may arise. This tension could come from the way that both of you express your nurturing instincts, how you deal with the power dynamics may clash or create conflict in your relationship.

There is a deep need to nurture and care for each other, but this may be met with resistance or a desire for dominance from you. This relates to some other parts where Yeosang will be controlling or at least lead you in some areas but you will still have this desire to control him or call the shots in the relationship. It is important for you to reflect on your own approach to nurturing and to consider whether you're being overly controlling or possessive in your attempts to provide support. There is also the possibility that you will try to exert control or manipulate the nurturing energy within the relationship. This could come from the idea that you find it challenging to trust in the care and support you receive, this could create a fear of vulnerability in you.

quincunx pluto~ mercury: Your interactions with each other are raising repressed and unresolved relationship issues from subconscious to conscious levels. The impact of day to fay frustrastions will be intensified because you feel like you are dealing with daily issues that must be resolved through out the day, in reality the stress, obligation and anxiety is a compilation of every upset both of you have repressed or avoided in your past. In this dynamic Yeosang is a type of stand in for all of your former partners and he will always assist you with working out the root causes of relationship issues you face.

~cons~

square neptune~ saturn: This aspect suggests that there is a clash or tension between your individual aspirations and the need for stability and security. It can also bring about a sense of disillusionment or confusion in the relationship, this comes about since it feels like your dreams and ideals clash with Yeosang's more practical approach to life. However, keep in mind it's a situation where Yeosang also feels like you are a bit too practical when it comes to certain issues. This results in a great challenge in finding balance between your individual needs and the shared goals of your relationship. Again while this is more of a negative aspect it can inspire the two of you to find creative solutions to practical challenges. Also something to also be aware of is that one of you may feel too restricted or limited by the other's more traditional and conservative outlook on certain things.

square uranus~ chiron: Your somewhat erratic energy can shake up Yeosang's sense of security, this is something that is gradual since it starts with the introduction of ideas. Specifically, you bring across some new, somewhat radical ideas that conflict with Yeosang's beliefs. This might not seem like much on the surface but this can really do a number on Yeosang since it forces him to let go of things. This could happen two ways, either you're forcing him to let go of things that have happened in the past which will actually sway his sense of stability or he will have to loosen his grip on his relationship with you, he'll feel like he has to distance himself a bit and that would actually hurt him the most.

You have the ability to create breakthroughs in Yeosang's mindset, however, you can also worsen his anxieties. Yeosang has a hard time forgetting so even if he seems to move on he doesn't, this can lead to him being quite resentful. He may give you the silent treatment, take forever to reply or respond in person or through text or straight up avoid you and any issues he isn't a fan of. From this he can actually grow and discover newfound resilience and adaptability. The unpredictability that scared him can became a source of spiritual wisdom and Yeosang will realise that everything happens for a reason.

opposition chiron~ moon: This backs up the 'Uranus square Chiron aspect. Tension in your relationship can lead to deeper emotional healing but can also trigger insecurities and anxiety. Yeosang is hypersensitive to your attempts at bringing up old emotional triggers and wounds from the past, he may frequently feel triggered by your attitudes or words. Honestly, you don't have to do much to get this reaction from him, you awaken his vulnerability. If he isn't ready for this he may rebel by becoming defensive or displacing the pain and anger he is feeling.

opposition moon~ pluto: There is a noticeable up and down of emotions in your relationship, you come across a bit erratic with your emotions, they might fluctuate daily. On the other hand Yeosang is more controlling, coming off as jealous or possessive, he also knows how to make you feel especially emotional. Your emotions will run wild when you are together but you won't know how to separate, you really are joined at the hip. Yeosang may feel obliged to provide for you in some way, you will notice this and eventually become heavily reliant on him. This creates a mutual sense of pressure.

Despite this Yeosang may begin to play games with you to try and control you, yet he also feels trapped. He is deeply scared of the idea of you abandoning him if he doesn't provide emotional support, this results in him attempting to keep you under control.

square cupido~ moon: Now this one is interesting, the moon representing the personal self and hidden feelings. In reality there is an excess of turbulent emotions in this relationship, a lot of this comes from Yeosang and his tendency to get so engrossed in a person and emotionally invested in their daily life once he starts dating them. There is a sense of overall familiarity in this relationship, you feel as though you have known them for the entirety of your life, this can be what encourages Yeosang to hold on very tight to you and your relationship. This can be quite intense and dances between the fine line of love and Yeosang having an unhealthy infatuation with you. At the end of the day he loves you too much.

What makes this that bit more chaotic is the fact that you feel comfortable around those who are emotionally unavailable, this stark contrast between the two of you can result in friction most unpleasant. This could also relate to why lines boundaries can become so blurred over time.

square mercury~ moon: Your conversations are free-flowing and effortless, however, a complex and challenging dynamic could come about, one that affects communication and emotional understanding. Yeosang's emotional world and the intellectual world you exist in are often misaligned. Yeosang operates from a place of feeling and intuition and may feel that his emotional needs and expressions are overlooked or misunderstood by you. He might perceive your logical and analytical responses as lacking empathy or emotional depth.

On the other side of things you thrive in a world of ideas and communication and may feel like your intellectual needs and ways of expressing yourself are not fully comprehended or appreciated by him. His emotional responses seem irrational or overly subjective and this can truly frustrate you. This misalignment can lead to a series of misunderstandings and miscommunications, where both of you feel like you’re not being heard or understood. It’s as if you are speaking different languages and are unable to fully grasp the dialect of the other person. Though this aspect is challenging it presents a unique opportunity for growth and deeper understanding of emotions and emotional mediation.

opposition venus~ jupiter: Though you come to trust each other you both mask your true selves when you first meet. Both of you share the feeling that you've found your ideal partner and that they are everything you have ever wanted, however, you don't see the person beyond that mask. There is a bit of deception throughout this relationship, this results in the two of you wearing rose coloured glasses in your relationship, it mightn't always be like that though, it more so happens at the beginning of your relationship. But there is another influencing factor to this, though you may eventually take off the rose coloured glasses you both try to keep them on since it makes you feel so good.

Your relationship can almost be an addiction. You want the idealized image of the other person, the partner that you saw at first, but this image isn’t real. Over time, this image will come crashing down. You need to develop a bond that is deeper than your initial attraction, or the relationship won’t last over the long-haul. You will realize that your partner is a different person from who you thought. Another thing that may occur is that you find that you have less in common than you initially thought and that you have different fundamental values. So I did say earlier that you share the same interests, to clarify the differences I'm referring to could be about social graces, anything relating to finance, beauty, spiritual values, political beliefs or something like your morals differing at times.

square sun~ pluto: Having such a deep and transformative effect on each other could result in a bit of a love-hate relationship. This particular aspect creates a lot of power struggles wherein you might try to dominate each other in the relationship, I also touched on this point previously but obsession could easily occur since you might want to know every detail about each other's lives and thoughts. Basing it off of what was mentioned previously this is especially true for Yeosang, his love and affection and devotion can easily be twisted into obsession.

There are a lot of things at play in this relationship, things aren't as it seems though, yes the relationship can turn into something that is extremely possessive or controlling however, this aspect is also a very sexual one. You are deeply attached to each other in a way that is both emotional and sexual. The majority of your passion stems from this particular aspect, so your relationship may be a bit more chaotic and charged, a stark contrast from something that is easy flowing and harmonious. Though you encounter a lot of emotional chaos in this relationship in can still work out and be a very fruitful long-term relationship.

This aspect is all about the wild ups and downs you will experience and you'll know that you're both making progress when your relationship becomes more steady. Both of you just need to be aware that you have a tendency or impulse to control the other, don't ignore that need for control and don't fall into controlling one another just acknowledge it and work through it.

square mars~ chiron: Conflict will result in you bringing up Yeosang's past hurts and wounds, this isn't always intentional since you could accidentally trigger him in quite a big way, but you're just being you. A possible way this could manifest is through the way you act socially, how driven you are for financial reward, how you work, or how you think of new ideas. From consulting the houses it seems that his triggers most likely come from the way you act socially, but keep in mind that some of the other areas could easily trigger him. All of this again, isn't your fault, it just conflicts with Yeosang's own insecurities. He gets this strong nagging feeling whenever you do these things which could lead him to run away or just straight up fight back.

This aspect doesn't explicitly say this but grabbing context from other aspects I think it's more likely that he is fearful that you being so outgoing and interacting with others in a confident, genuine manner could result in you leaving him or dismissing him as not important anymore. This would depend on other factors, but there is the possibility that Yeosang might feel that you are too harsh or cruel at times. On the other side of things you might feel like he is far too sensitive, getting upset over the smallest of things. Yeosang will start to convince himself that you just don't get him or care about his insecurities, while you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells.

If you tend to act out as a result of feeling overwhelmed by his highly emotional reactions, it will really hurt him. When you make the effort to connect and meet him eye to eye and be more aware of his emotions Yeosang can perceive this as another thing that triggers him. This results in a somewhat disjointed relationship. Even if Yeosang has done a lot of self-work, he is just very triggered by you. It may be difficult and tough but it's a great opportunity for Yeosang to work towards more internal healing.

To give additional context to why he is so so so hurt and emotional all of this time, you accidentally trigger him because you remind him of what he lacks. This is actually so sad and hurtful, even though you see him as being so perfect and amazing he still feels like something is the matter with him, he sees himself as missing something that you have. You are pointing this out to him by just existing. To ensure that this doesn't get out of control it is important for Yeosang to come to the realisation that you are so genuine and kind and that you will never deny the opportunity to teach him something if he wants to be taught. He can only learn about his past hurts if they are triggered.

Since you would be in a romantic relationship it can be worked through, it just takes a lot, and I mean a lot of effort and communication. You need to understand what hurts the other person and you must be so so so exceptionally willing to understand Yeosang's insecurities.... even if you think they are lowkey, just flat out stupid. Yeosang can work on things and become less sensitive, he just needs to work on his wounds when they come up instead of reacting so harshly. He also just needs to communicate more clearly to you and explain exactly how he feels. And since this is an aspect that will take a lot of work to resolve you also need to work on suitably explaining your motivations more clearly so that he isn't left in the dark, this could make him feel as if your actions don't take his deeper feelings into consideration.

opposition jupiter~ neptune: This aspect creates a powerful dynamic between the two of you, a moment where expansion and striving for ideals meets the mindset of a dreamer with an amazing imagination. This aspect is one of the aspects that sparks that sense of adventure and exploration, it encourages both of you to dream big and reach for higher goals together. However, this aspect brings about some challenges through confusion, unrealistic expectations, and a tendency to overlook the more practical qualities of life. On the whole you see the best in each other and you also have faith in the limitless possibilities that your relationship holds. On the plus side this encourages both of you to support each other's dreams and aspirations, however, you might need to remain grounded and practical as the line can easily blur between fantasy and reality.

opposition neptune~ venus: Your relationship feels blurry from the very beginning. This somewhat relates to the rose coloured glasses type mentality but it has it's differences, your relationship will seem to be idealized and incredible, but this is only because you see each other as your great saviour. There is an apparent sense of victimhood, neither of you are secure enough to perceive each other in an equal fashion, instead you look for someone to rescue you. And it just so happens that you have found that person. It's very hard to return to reality in your relationship because the foundations it is built upon isn't the most solid. And sometimes Yeosang will see you as opposite of who you really are. This supports and gives a bit of clarity to the Mars square Chiron aspect.

This also indicates the experience of turbulent emotions, the energy will tend to swing back and forth between amazing and destructive. This all comes into fruition because the relationship itself is founded on delusion. Yeosang falls in love with the romantic ideal instead of who you actually are, over time, you will sense this and probably retreat instead of confronting the issue head on. You may not even know what's going on, but you just feel like Yeosang is expecting too much from you. This actually isn't the case for he is expecting you to be someone other than who you are.

Once Yeosang starts to see that you aren't who he expected you to be he may swing back and forth emotionally, one moment he trusts you completely and the next he feels like you are some major con artist who has won his heart over. He may also feel like he can't trust anything at the end of the day, not even his own judgement. You both have a yearning for emotional intimacy but it just doesn't occur in the ways you'd expect, or the way you want it to happen.

~house overlays~

his amor in your 10th house: Even if Yeosang appears to be the more passive one at times, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But there is much duality in who he is and how he expresses love. The majority of his energy comes from him feeling that he has an obligation to nurture and take care of you. On top of this he will come to a point in your relationship where he feels that his role in life from this point forward needs to be one of a nurturer. While feeling like he needs to take care of you in general he really wants to have this moment of transformation where he can be much more loving. This in part relates to the power struggles that can be in your relationship as he also has a desire to be viewed as powerful authority figure. If you decide to focus on the least damaging possibility he just really wants you to admire him for his everything. He wants you to feel like you only need him to heal and guide you.

your venus in his 7th house: You see Yeosang as being the perfect partner, as mentioned before, he possesses the kind of traits that you look for in a significant other. And when you first meet him you'll immediately treat him as a potential partner. Both of you just complement each other, when the other is weak, the other is strong, and vice versa. You come together like interlocking pieces of a puzzle. Yeosang feels very comfortable and satisfied in the relationship with you. He knows that he does not have to make compromises or accommodations for you because you already fit him like a glove, so to speak. You really do meet his needs well.

This overlay also mentions how seamlessly your personalities blend together, it feels natural for the both of you to be close and intimate together. It would actually surprise the both of you how easily quickly you become intimate with each other, what neither of you anticipated was the fact that you're both drawn to please each other. Also just note that this is a powerful overlay for marriage, and for any romantic or sexual relationship. Since he is so attracted to you there is a high chance that your relationship will be a long-term one.

his lilith in your 10th house: This overlay can reveal intensity and drama in your relationship, this could even leak over into things relating to your careers. Yeosang is true to his most authentic self and this in itself could create a ripple effect that is both shocking and quite tumultuous. Now something that is very fascinating is that Yeosang has the ability to help you achieve breakthroughs in your career but at the same time he could change and warp your reputation into something that you don't desire. Despite this you're intrigued by Yeosang's unique sense of creativity which will at times overwhelm you since Yeosang is quite intense in his expression and creativity.

Something else to note is that Yeosang may rise to greater success and visibility as a result of your influence, as a result of this he will often share messages of radical self acceptance and empowerment with other people. On the other side of the spectrum Yeosang helps you to become more comfortable challenging the status quo and can help you transform into someone who could easily mentor or role model for others who are on the verge of a very dramatic breakthrough, like yourself. Yeosang will help you validate your deeper intuitions and instincts and in return you will help Yeosang in transforming his deeper emotions into his career, this will aid in him getting the recognition and success that he rightfully deserves.

your jupiter in his 5th house: Again this is just a repeat of you amplifying his creativity. But you do bring out the side of him that chases the more recreational activities, he just loves spending time with you. He also has a habit of bringing out the inner child in you, which he loves and cherishes.

your juno in his 6th house: You have a strong connection and commitment to each other. Yeosang will often find practical ways to show you that he cares on a daily basis, actually, everything he does is motivated by an attempt to make you feel reassured of his commitment to you. Yeosang is devoted to tending to all the miniscule details of your needs. You're devoted to Yeosang as well, you show this love and commitment through nurturing him while encouraging him to find ways to succeed in the goals that he sets for himself.

his cupido in your 4th house: The union of the two of you coming together is one where family and deep emotional connection was a top priority. Yeosang finds homage in your presence and again strives for that equal balance, it is very likely that this relationship could result in marriage. Even if it doesn't there are strong familial ties so this indicates that the planning of a family is a likely thing or that your families often come together under the watchful eye of the two of you.

his mars in your 5th house: There is instant sexual and physical attraction in your relationship, there is that magnetic chemistry which makes it an impossible task for you to keep your hands off of each other. This allure and attraction isn't just skin deep, it even reaches emotional depths. Yeosang embodies all of the qualities that you find deeply appealing, in your mind he represents passion, adventure, drive and vitality. Revisiting what I have mentioned before the attraction you both feel is immediate and overwhelming, it feels like fate.

This overlay also reinforces the playful dates, adventurous activities and light-hearted fun that will occur. Again in these instances it is Yeosang who takes the lead in planning creative outings based on your interests. Keep in mind though that there is a competitive edge between the two of you, this could even leak over into the romantic side of things. Either of you may be quite confronting when looking for attention or a position of dominance in your relationship. For example, one of you might flirt with others to evoke jealousy. Or you may try to gain the upper hand by withdrawing intimacy to regain power.

Another thing to mention is the sexual aspects of your relationship, Yeosang is eager to explore intimacy, unleash pent up libidos and indulge in fantasies. This makes sex playful, experimental and dynamic. At times the sexual intensity can become too much.

your chiron in his 9th house: Your relationship will aid in the two of you transcending boundaries. Both of you are able to expand beyond past experiences and limitations because of your connection to each other. As mentioned before you help Yeosang find healing from his wounds that relate to culture, ideals and his unique ideology. If Yeosang were to ever feel left out or misunderstood because of religious, philosophical paths or ideals you would help him come to accept his unique vision and inspire him to empower others. Yeosang will help you work past wounds by reconnecting you with your higher vision and wisdom. The humanitarian nature within you is also brought out as a result of your lovely relationship.

his saturn in your 11th house: Yeosang will help you to easily rise to positions of leadership and authority in social settings and group organizations. He may even inspire you to develop interests in progressive ideas and activism. Meanwhile you will help him expand his social connections and ties to the community.

your mercury in his 6th house: Your mind is very very stable when you are around Yeosang. You communicate with him in practical ways and are often focused on something specific when you do talk to him. Your methods of communicating as a couple are very much restrained and sophisticated rather than being light hearted. Yeosang will very quickly get the impression that you are a reliable person who makes a pleasant and steady companion.

his pluto in your 6th house: The need to fully understand each other and coexist could easily become an obsession of sorts. You are both more fascinated in the self care and general lifestyle of each other rather than focusing on self. Yeosang especially feels this innate urge to peel back the layers of your habits so that he may uncover your deeper psychological motives and the deeper meaning behind your daily routines. Homeboy really just finds it so so fascinating how you choose to structure your day. It sounds a bit weird but he may feel as if he can unlock a deeper insight to you and your essence by decoding the patterns of your daily behaviour. Yeosang could also have a desire to improve or radically transform your lifestyle.

Okay this may seem a bit invasive but just no the intention is pure but Yeosang sees so much untapped potential for you to become more healthier, more productive, efficient and well-structured if you implement positive lifestyle changes. However, since he can come across weirdly intense with this a slightly controlling his attempts at helping often backfire.

From this you often see Yeosang as being intrusive, overbearing and obsessive regarding the details of your daily routine. You may feel intensely seen by Yeosang as if all of your subtle habits are under constant surveillance.

his neptune in your 8th house: Your relationship carries a sense of predestined purpose or karma, past life connections and a soulmate-like dynamic is at play. However, keep in mind that this overlay presents risks. You may exploit Yeosang financially or drain his energy (this is worst case scenario). On the other hand Yeosang could deceive you through vagueness, lies or delusions. This isn't 100% certain but be aware that co-dependency, enmeshment or manipulation can taint your relationship if both of your boundaries are non existent. If you learn how to deal with this you will be faced with unmatched opportunities for soul growth and mystical unions.

Apart from your deep emotional, almost psychic bond there is incredible, magnetic sexual chemistry. Basically sex will almost always result in spiritual bliss. Yeosang isn't one to fully surrender or become as submissive, however, you always feel mesmerized and intensely connected to him. I mean we going here I shouldn't back down but orgasms can feel like a mystical, out of body event when you are with him. Additionally, tantric practices will also thrive because of this overlay, both of you awaken new levels of sexual magic together. Soulful sensuality.

his north node in your 3rd house: Anything that has to do with communication takes importance in your relationship.

his venus in your 3rd house: Yeosang feels carefree and comfortable around you. He feels like you don't have a problem with him being his true self, he also finds that you're easily approachable. You appreciate this realness, as well as the warm and friendly tone that he often uses with you. He really does make you so happy. Both of you are good friends from the very start, it feels natural when you talk to each other. It isn't just Yeosang who feels like he can express himself around you, the feeling is very mutual. You know that you'll understand each other and will never ever think of making fun of the other person. This adds to your relationship feeling light hearted and pleasant.

your sun in his 6th house: This overlay compels one of you to be submissive to the other, this isn't negative or in a house wife or slave type of way. It's more that organizational, for some reason you'll have the type of dynamic and relationship that is similar to a boss and their assistant. One of you feels obligated to obey the other in order to get some work done. Your relationship seems to revolve around getting some work done, together you are very productive. There is a high likelihood that you will fall into the "assistant" role, this could change but this is just for now at least.

your mars in his 5th house: The two of you will quickly become stimulated by a love of fun, games and competition. Your bring intense focus and perseverance into the realm of recreation, both of you may come to enjoy sports and recreation, especially if it gives both of you a chance to show your strength.

You inspire Yeosang to pursue a new athletic activity or you encourage him to be generally more active. Relating to this idea of displaying your strength, Yeosang helps you to enjoy the process of proving your strength or playing the hero in your relationship. Both of you may be drawn towards working with children, whether that be volunteering or nurturing your own children.

Also something else to note is that there is a chance that as a couple you could become quite impulsive, seeking good things without thinking about any consequences.

your lilith in his 7th house: I'll keep this one short since it only gives clarity on a lot of themes that I have mentioned in this ship already, mainly the fact that your goal as a couple is to create balance. But the added context is that Yeosang helps you to see what you aren't consciously aware of, he will naturally bring your darker instincts to light. You have a need to maintain your own freedom but appreciate Yeosang's perspective as a way to balance everything. You look to Yeosang for that different perspective to balance out your own inner instincts. Yeosang can also balance out your intense emotional urges with his intellectual perspective, in this he tries to be fair and is unconditionally accepting of your more edgy side. However, he won't let any of your baseless assumptions go unchecked. And lastly you appreciate that Yeosang can show empathy and connection in a way that isn't emotionally smothering.

his chiron in your 6th house: You both have a practical approach to healing and enlightenment. Healing and physical perfection are emphasized through a dramatically new perspective on the path to perfection and evolution. The act of evolving as a pair can replace a highly critical, self-defeating emphasis on fitting someone else's view of ideal. Yeosang will help you use your daily routines and detail orientation to find consistent, practical ways to help heal your deepest wounds. In return you help Yeosang find useful, effective and efficient channels for his own healing and compassionate energy.

Yeosang is also very sensitive to your desires to be of service for him (your desire to be a good partner for him) and helps you clear old wounds which could stand in the way of your ability to help others.

your north node in his 2nd house: By pointing out the significance of having values, you can help Yeosang achieve happiness and success. Essentially, you point out the ways in which Yeosang can value himself properly.

your moon in his 2nd house: You value Yeosang as a source of emotional satisfaction, rather than romance. These sound very similar but to make this easy, emotional satisfaction is about getting your own needs met, while romance is equal in the give and take of it all. If Yeosang senses this, he will, reasonably, feel unsure about you. Now something that feels like it comes out of nowhere is that Yeosang's way of acting out from this is to become possessive of you. If he isn't normally a possessive person this won't be a huge issue.

With this overlay both of you sense tangible value in each other. But true love isn't measured in terms of value, true love can be illogical.

his sun in your 12th house: There is an atmosphere of mystery in your relationship. Yeosang sees you as being somewhat exotic, fascinating, other-worldly and/or strange. He has a fascination with you that he can't quite understand since you seem so different from him. He is drawn to you, perhaps, out of curiosity. He almost seeks strange experiences and likes to flirt with the unknown. His attraction to you is almost against his good judgement. You're such a mystery that even though you match pitch most of the time and understand each other he can't read you or understand the specifics of how you think. This can bring forth anxiety in him where he feels that you mightn't really understand him or approve of him at the end of the day.

your uranus in his 11th house: You help Yeosang to remain true to his individualistic nature, even if he is in a crowd; you also have friends and social justices in common for the most part.

his ceres in your 1st house: You easily help each other express your talents and identities, when getting to know each other you show the utmost compassion and acceptance without there being any perceived pay backs (essentially you love each other and express love without ever needing it back). Yeosang is nurturing and supportive, acting like a mother duck type figure who helps you to express your individual nature. You aren't greedy either, you actually help Yeosang to share his nurturing side and compassion with other people. At the heart of it you both bring the best out of each other. He helps you to nurture and care for your physical needs, he will also help you to find more compassion and acceptance of your body and healing body image issues.

You aid in him showing his unique personality while he follows his ambitions, Yeosang may come into your life when you are making an important step towards fulfilling important goals and need someone to nurture you as you show your strengths and come to full acceptance of your identity.

his mercury in your 1st house: You easily express yourselves and you can really understand Yeosang and see where he is coming from. Essentially, you have a good understanding of both the said and unsaid, no matter what happens you'll always see Yeosang's true intentions.

your saturn in his 3rd house: You help Yeosang to slow down and consider how he thinks and how he communicates with other people. He may even be challenged by you which will force him to reconsider some of his beliefs and viewpoints. You're more practical and methodical whereas Yeosang may become distracted by new interests and the desire to absorb information without fully evaluating its validity. With your help Yeosang will become more serious when actually thinking about the new things he wants to pursue. You may inspire him to take on a solo project or make a commitment to furthering his social reach and education. He may also become way more mindful of what he says and how he communicates.

~final verdict~

Lowkey, high key, I think Yeosang just doesn't believe in himself or his own emotions. But with saying that he is certain that he is experiencing what love truly is. This really is a special type of relationship, even if you acknowledge the more negative aspects there is something that just speaks of devotion and love. Even when there are disagreements or emotional bumps in the relationship it comes from the love you share, neither of you have a malicious bone in your body it's just care. I mean it this really is special, the fact that Yeosang takes the more passive and emotional route at time shows just how comfortable he is around you. All I can see from this is that he is so emotional because the love you share is so pure, Yeosang really is the one who wants to grow old with you just so you can recount all of your life experiences with each other. The amount of peace and tranquillity is something that people could only dream of, and I know there's the whole Yeosang being so over the top and energetic and taking you out on whirlwind dates, even so there is so much care and consideration that comes from him. I know I mentioned a lot of what Yeosang is doing but you also bring out the best in him, you bring out the best in each other even if you have to jump some obstacles that come in the forms of emotional triggers. This relationship embodies the sensation of letting yourself fall back onto a soft pillow as you sigh in complete happiness and relief. This is a relationship that you cling onto... if you were fearful of it slipping away from you that is, luckily there is no semblance of fear for either of you. You know that you'll have each other for this life time and some.

this isn't the end of your story part 2 of your surprise will come on the winter winds xo

[pure-jeff-ward]

Ok, I have questions to make. I have been reading a few questions here by some anonymous lately, I would like your truest opinion. Why is it soo bad what other people posts in their IG account related to Jeff , is it some kind of a crime what they're doing there ? Have they done something bad, by tagging him in their posts, just because they feel inspired by editingtheir photos and mentioning him ? I'm just curious, I mean, it's something different to see, not everything the same as most people do, it gets kinda repetive. I don't know, but I think people should respect of what they do. Because for now, those people haven't disrespected Jeff nothing at all. If it would, he would have opened his mouth and said it to them, don't you think? And i believe the reason why Jeff has only selected posts in his tagging side, think... maybe it's because he get tons of tags about him and he just pick what he likes, that's it. Just giving my 2 cents here. Thank you, and you do have a wonderful blog, congrats. 😉

hi there anon, first of all I want to say thank you for your side of things related to this discussion we've been having about Jeff's instagram page and his tagged posts and the fan pages dedicated to him too. I've always been of the mindset that everyone should have a chance to voice their thoughts and feel safe enough to share their opinions over here; and I hope whoever chooses to reply to this post will be respectful of your ideas, because I do see your point in all of this.

And I do agree, nothing has been inappropriate or in any shape of form disrespectful either - trust me, I may not have gone to look myself, but I have heard of a loooot more.... *ahem* let's say... problematic things from different fandoms that happen on IG in regards to celebs getting tagged in certain pictures and posts, which definitely is not what's happening here at all! I don't believe that expressing one's creativity and sharing it with others and even tagging Jeff is a crime, we all have the freedom to make art and put it out in the world, photo-edits and otherwise, when they're mindful of his life and pictures that he shares with us. In fact, I do think that there's a wonderful sense of community that he could very well know about which shows him that he has so many fans who love him and adore him and celebrate his works - fandom is very important to actors and actresses and all other artists so everything you say lines up.

If anything, the "issue" - forgive me for wording it that way, it's the first thing I thought of - is seemingly with tagging Ashley in posts when her account has been made private; again, every person here has their own interpretation of whether it's good or bad, right or wrong, uncomfortable or not. Her profile used to be open to everyone and now that it's not, perhaps she did so in order to reclaim a sense of privacy; she isn't part of the celebrity world, she's the family member of someone who is and I would think in that sense, there could be no harm in tagging her when the posts are respectful and appropriate, but... I can understand why someone else would think the opposite.

In the end, I would say that my personal opinion is that the line between celebs and fans has been known to blur on occasion, not specifically with Jeff Ward mind you, this is a more generalized observation of fandom culture I've witnessed over the last decade or so - there's two sides to everything, we've got the fans who simply just want to meet their favorites at a convention, speak to them and tell them how their lives have been changed because of their impact through their work, get a photograph and/or autograph and share something that they've made. Or even just tag them on IG if they can't reach a physical appearance, because social media has made that connection possible.

On the other side though, there has been and will always be fans who sit behind a computer screen and sometimes a grey icon (not targeting anyone again, anonymous is an option on my blog to let you all have your privacy, so please don't misunderstand that I mean you or any of my anons here, I love getting asks, even if I don't know who they're from, it's actually fun to imagine and hope there's a dozen or more of you out there who talk to me!) and sometimes even off anon, they spout hateful comments and make remarks about people's looks and fashion style and whatnot.

So... as long as we're mindful of the boundaries between celebrities, their families, their friends and us fans, keep everything clean and respectable and appropriate and healthy then... I think we're good :)

I do appreciate hearing from you dear anon! I hope I covered everything you had questions about and if not, feel free to send a follow-up or ask me something else! apologies for this getting a bit long :p I am all for positive discussions and debates with everyone who follows me because it goes to show that we all care about Jeff in our own way and that's what unites us, differences and similarities alike!

[rumblelibrary]

The Diary of Doctor Laszlo Kreizler

Chapter 1  -  Chapter 2

Synopsis: Alienist’s notes are private, sometimes gruesome, secrets of others and of himself.Those pages belongs to secrecy and decadence, have a glimpse to this world made of drafts, notes, accidents and reflections. Or maybe it is you the only person that should ever reach for it.

While you read this imagine Laszlo mostly at the end of his day, scraping the ideas and the thoughts, adjusting previous notes with additions, closing the day behind himself with a couple of sentences while sitting in his evening robe, a good glass of whiskey and his glasses bridged almost at the tip of his nose. Or maybe imagine yourself, you sneaky thing, reach for it from a far shelf.

Word count: 3.5k

Warnings: listen, this is the set of ideas and confessions of a man living in the 1890’s. Most of them will be outdated, rough, even deprecating in some analysis of the roles of men, women and social status, religion, etc.So be prepared, my point is to make Laszlo reflect upon those topics, but to be as faithful as I can to his time. Mention of death, mutilation, self harm and sex. Psychologically troubled young children ahead! Author’s note: The story is placed between season 1 and season 2. Thank you for everyone that encouraged me to keep going. I have to wait for my local drop of serotonin to get fully Laszloed to go through this.

Lyra’s Contellation, Illustration taken from Uranographia by Johann Bode

Routine. Routine is comfort. Habit stabilises the character.

If you follow a routine, you won’t ever be victim of imprudence, of evil jokes of fate. The stability earned through calculated and repeated actions brings a sense of fulfilment that forbids other thoughts to come bashing in, breaking rules, breaking hopes that a solid scheduled routine forbids to have. I take my time to begin this week, I planned the things to do, the next steps for the case, the people to meet, the resources I am allowed to contemplate. I feel good, I feel back to myself and the events of the weekend seem far from me and my own perception. I probably got ahead of myself, carried by some instinctual though and random rush of emotion, to be always in contact with the same people and mostly kids probably doesn’t help my stance in the presence of other adults. I feel silly now reading back the last page, I felt tempted to tear it off, but to keep it there should be a small memento of not losing my temper so easily. I read it over and over and I know I am not as charmed as I thought I was. I am just lonely. I have always been and it is normal to face ups and downs even for a man of my age who is more accustomed to it.  To desire a partner is a natural instinct, to find somebody attractive is meant by nature, it is the body calling for the natural fulfilment of the reason we are put on this very Earth.  But even in a state of nature my own condition would be forbidding me to be part of the natural process of growing my own kind. I am the type of male that would be excluded because of his impossibility to give the protection to the pack, therefore it is just more reasonable to me to adapt to my condition. No matter what my Potentia generandi might be (the ability to procreate).

With all the smugness that characterises him, Niki showed off that he passed my challenge. But to be really of an help to his antics I didn’t show any kind of surprise. I treated him like he did the bare minimum, like he didn’t prove me any kind of superiority. He has a natural attitude toward challenging the figure of power, he is trying to overpower me, but I won’t satisfy his need. I have noticed he has a very technical brain, he finds ways to solve problems in ingenious way and not by throwing himself into the task. I proceeded giving him to work on a clock, an old broken one we had in the institute, one of the kids hit it with a ball years ago and nobody ever worked on repairing it. I gave him the clock, a couple of screwdrivers and a book. He called me a number of German names I won’t transcribe, but it gave me a certain amount of satisfaction. If my intuitions are right, I am sure the clock will be repaired by next week.

Analysis of the victim’s body through John’s eyes. The drawings and sketches are as detailed as I requested, all of this thanks to you joining him. I deal with art critic section, I am used to notice these things. You assure me, you play yourself low and I wonder why, nevertheless you did notice things neither John or I did, which pleased me. It fooled me, distracted me from my purpose to not give in to your witchery, as I leaned closer watching your pale hand move across the pages tracing this or that line, showing how this must be done with the killer on this side and not that side, with words so deliciously elaborate, your way of composing your speech is compelling, you could sell the drawing of a kid like it was a Botticelli. I noticed the shape of your hands, the way you move them, I wonder if you play an instrument, or played, some habits just stick with you through life. I focused on taking notes, your ideas and instructions giving me a new point of view, a new stimulus. What if that is the only way the killer can communicate? Or what if this is the communication that works for him? Could our killer be mute or deaf? Or that’s how society made him feel? This man, or woman, needs a listener and I am afraid that now, since he got our attention and the public’s, he won’t stop. Another killing could be just as close.

Scheduled: meeting with the parents of Alex Garel for new admission, Monday next week at 11 am. Love at first is a fetish and like all fetishes it is based onto an object that hides a deeper meaning, like gloves mean hands, to love at first sight means to see somebody that you think, and think only, to have the chance to share not only a sensual kind of bond, but an intellectual. Love at first sight is based onto not knowing someone well enough, but having the time to idealise most of that someone. I can see why I feel this attraction, using a particular phrase that Sara often mutters when investigating: you tick all the boxes. I know you do, your beauty is everything but conventional, you’re the kind of face that painters would paint and musicians would write hymns about, but any animal on the street would never be allowed to see. You have the grace of the body and the fire in the eyes, and then you speak. When you speak, I realise, you could bring the world to its knees. Also, you never speak out of context, and if you do it is to ease somebody’s position. You do it often with John or with Stevie, you say something really silly in order to put them back to a place of comfort. Some women would call it self deprecating, but I see that you only pick wisely your fights and your wins. You don’t need to earn your peace and quiet by neglecting, but by lifting up the others. I wonder if you do it with me too, if your silences are just you allowing me to be in a better place while instead your judgment is tearing me apart. I shouldn’t care, but I keep wondering, sometimes I take my time to answer you, I analyse every shade, every peculiarity of your question, I am looking for sarcasm, for a condescending voice, for something to hang on and bare you open. To prove myself you’re not perfect. But deep down I know that you do, you judge me and you do well.

Mother never said so. That’s what one of the girls in my care said today. Ursula. She is tough. Skin as thick as an alligator and the tendency to pull her own hair at night or when under a massive amount of stress, enuresis alongside erratic episodes of mutism. I tried the soft approach, it didn’t work. She is too accustomed to be indulged. Therefore today I pushed her a bit overboard, I teased her over opinions on the female body, the female role, she is only 12, but she is soon to bleed, she knows, I can tell from the way she clenches to her skirts, from the way she looks at me as a threatening figure. I am the incarnation of danger to her. Under her steady silence, I pushed a bit more, asking how her mother taught her to be nice and submissive. Does her mother tells her she is going to be a good wife? The phrase, which I reported at the top of the page, surprised me.  What is her mother teaching to her then? What closed her so much, locked her soul away, making a small bird like this choose the silence and the retirement of self inflicted pain over, what? Mankind? Or just Men? Is that even a curse? Should I cure her from a truth that her own mother whispered to her ear one night before bed and made a child decide that the world wasn’t a place to share her time with? Am I the man supposed to teach her that men are worth of trust? In the eyes of modern society, who measures its own value over the modesty of the women, she would be a champion, but at what price? I can’t in any way let her parents bring her back home after our recent meetings. Nevertheless, I have to make up my own mind on how to give her troubled soul ease without making her believe in fables. I, as a man, regard myself not worth of any of the trust they expect me to teach her.

In all of my years practicing with people’s feelings and traumas, I challenged myself to find those same traumas within my own mind. It is a tricky game, terrible, anguishing at times. But it straightens me, the pain of others, the pain of kids mostly, so unadulterated and pure, breaks the curtain between me and the lies that I often surround myself with. Pain is made of method, you can open it up, you can scrutinise it, part it piece by piece dividing it in sectors and, partitions, centre part, side part, heart of the problem. Pain is reliable. Happiness is not. It is random, cruelly sudden, unexpected, it washes over you in such deflecting way only to leave you alone a moment after ashamed and alone. I saw you again today. You were in a table full of what I could only guess as your former university colleagues, I saw pain in you, not heavy but constant. Annoyance, a bit of sadness. Your head titling on side and your eyes drifting on the left, you’re imagining something away from them.  A place? An object? Or maybe someone? Your hands play circles at the bottom of the flute of your drink like kids do, your smile only one sided. I don’t see you speak at all, only listen.  What could keep your voice down? I almost gulped down my own breath as you looked up and I realised how I must have looked. I was having lunch on my own, in a very private table and even entertaining myself with a newspaper on the side. I wish you didn’t, but you came over, your eyes shining.  Did I save you? Or maybe I was just a good excuse to leave that painful meeting behind. Don’t be so nice to me, it is not healthy. Don’t look at me like you expect anything more from me than me listening. I won’t smile back at you, I won’t give you care, attentions or thought. I won’t lean for your perfume, I won’t obsess over that dress you wore, that pin that adorned your neckline keeping your undershirt in place, a silver robin, I remember. I won’t remember the number of the buttons on the side of your glove, three. I won’t observe the little moles just under your ear. A small constellation, I later realised, hidden between your ear and the beginning of your neck. I don’t need to check in my books. It is a constellation. It is Lyra. Why? Why you must be like this? Are you the Lyra? Are you the instrument of Orpheus come to me to drag me out of Hell? The Tartarus holds my soul and you should know already, I am not worth the quarter part of Eurydice to be saved and she never came back anyway. I won’t be now recollecting the way your teeth sunk in the inner side of your cheek when you apologised for the annoyance.  You apologised twice, I ignored you both times with a raised hand to request peace and silence. I am not letting you in.

Reserved: Tickets for Wednesday’s evening Traviata by Giuseppe Verdi. The guest female lead promises a beautiful show.

Leonardo, as I am learning through Paul Valery essay, is who I would define as a figure of projective identification of the Subject or, to better explain it, of the knowledge of the Subject that formed and grew through the use of sketches in the experience of the Artist. I have always thought that the finest form of art was the representation of knowledge duly undressed by any personal identification. Leonardo, instead, proceeded to represent the figure through the essence of the artist, a representation technically unlimited on objects and symbols and that keep expressing the transformation and development of Leonardo’s own being.Some artists are testimony of the destruction of the world, of the loss of eternal beauty over decadence. And then you have Leonardo, who creates an art that is the gravity of the world’s system, of the nature, of thoughts and abstractions. I wonder if our killer does the same, if the way they presents the victim through their own personal view, if what we can read there it is their stories, their pains, their needs. Their happiness and troubles. What are they trying to tell me?  I need to know, I need to know to save a life, of course, but I also need to know to be able to sleep at night. Hair, hair are the epitome of femininity in any era. I keep studying Ursula and her habit to pull the. I took notes on it: she picks them by the bottom, slowly separates them until she gains an amount her mind defines satisfactory and then she rolls her finger and pulls, she does it until her finger is empty and there are no hair left. I find her process incredibly interesting. In men’s case the display of physical attributes is not as vital, a beard can be appreciated but does not modify the power of seduction of a grown man. On the contrary, for women hair are a vital part of their attractiveness toward the opposite sex, society sees the hair of a woman as part of their vital characteristics, also in ancient times for a woman to cut her hair or have her hair cut was a sign of deep separation from the society. Only heroines or whores wore that mark and the association of the two is so rooted into the way society always parted the role of a woman in two that it is nauseating to think of. I am still fearing to let Ursula go away, the repulsion that she is showing toward her own body makes it difficult even for me to crack her shell open as a man, but my deepest worry is when that hate will take a scarier and deeper tool on her. How a girl with such  a fear of what her body can do, like sex or pregnancy, can endure in the future to have an husband? Or even to be courted by anyone?

John is helpless and I admire him for that. He doesn’t hide it, he just is. He is vulnerable and exposed, he is an open well bursting with doubts and feelings and troubled waters. He is genuine in a way I could never be. Maybe that’s why I despise even more him talking about you, how he sees you every morning, how you greet everybody, how you behave even with interns, how you like your coffee.  Your talents, your wits, how you said this and acted like that and reasoned through him. How you forbid him to drink even when he felt tempted. How you stayed late over to help him collect all the informations I requested him to get. To him. Not to you. The evil demon of envy scratching in the back of my head screaming like a siren out in the sea, he demands to be heard, he demands to be allowed a part in this game. I won’t allow him that. I won’t allow myself any of that. This is a pure game of chess, if I give in a pawn now, I will lose my knight, and I know it. I advice him to not be so closed minded when he praises you, only to get surprised by the charms of a natural logical mind. I find a way to hurt him, he is an easy target, I look at him as his eyebrows twitch and he summons his patience on me. He lost the plot about you already, his bruised pride taking over. You won’t come into my life.

“Un dì, felice, eterea, mi balenaste innante, e da quel dì tremante vissi d'ignoto amor.”  (“On a day, happy and ethereal, you appeared in front of me and from that day, trembling, I lived on an unknown love”)

The words of Alfredo in the first act of the Traviata keep running through me, a chant that won’t let me go, almost painful. The Opera House, that was my hiding place, a place where in plain sight I could let out myself, unleash. The catharsis of the characters involved running through me, I didn’t need anything but their voices and those musical instruments to let out my fears, doubts and anger. When Alfredo came to the scene tonight, the lights were strong and slightly pinkish, the performer bursting out of the seams with passion. My eyes diverted only to see you there. Alone. Those blinding lights gave you the the radiance of a vision singing the notes of greek myths and heroes, that dark blue evening clothing rang through my eyes like it was a bright yellow, the little shiny details that adorned you so clear against the heavy lighting to look like transparent pieces of water collected to adorn your beauty. I wasn’t me, but Alfredo, and I was helpless against you sitting so far and yet too close from me. I was naked in front of thousands. I am aware of the effect you have on me and our last conversation was barely regarded as one. This is infatuation, this is the pure work of a lonely mind and not something worth of any of all the words that I am dissipating here. Yet. I saw you cry at the climax of the opera, Violetta, the protagonist, heartbroken falling on stage consumed by pain and regret for her lost love and ultimate sacrifice. Your eyes shone as you tried to hide the tears and collect yourself. Through my binoculars, I saw your throat tremble and gulp down something more than just a sigh of pain. Your jaw clenched, your gloved hand moves to hide your shaking lips. I reckon, I have never seen such sad lips look more inviting. You look at the wall on your side breathing through your nose and not even that can save you by the strength of the voice of the soprano. You’re defeated and so you brought a fine silk handkerchief to your eyes, your shoulders bent inward in self defence.  The Opera won. It won you like it always wins me. I wonder if you felt like this because of a past lover, somebody that broke your heart and made you feel wrong in any way.  And because of that little wonder it is even more clear to me why I am a man worth of no trust. Because for a moment, I know, I wished to be the one that broke your heart. That gave you just the pain you’re inflicting on me so mercilessly by offering intoxicating kindness and beauty.  To own your thoughts, tears and shame. To be the one man you have to look away from. I want to own all of that and, maybe, I will be freed of you the day you’ll be just another human being that hates Dr Laszlo Kreizler.

Tagged @cazzyimagines​ @lieutenantn​ @handmaiden-of-mischief​ @thesunflowersutra​ @zemomybeloved​​ @fictionlandslanddreams​ @charistory​ @greeneyedblondie44​ @apparrio​ @hb8301​ @whatawildone​

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[kiki-shortsnout]

For intimacy prompts: #27 hugs from behind for Ironstrange! ❤️💙 I’ve been loving all of these fics so far!

Me again! I swear, you're all going to get sick of me writing all these snippet prompts! 🤣🤣

Another warning for Alpha/ Omega and Mpreg!

***

‘There you are.’

‘You say that like you don’t know where I am at every given moment of the day,’ Tony grumbled, not moving from where he was hunched over the desk in the bedroom, tinkering with his latest project. Stephen ignored his irritability, knowing his Omega was uncomfortable and exhausted.

Switching his Kamar-Taj robes for a worn t-shirt and sweatpants, Stephen directed the Cloak out of the room with a head nod, wanting some alone time.

‘Of course I know where you are. I wouldn’t be a very good mate if I didn’t,’ Stephen answered, placing his hands on the back of Tony’s chair and hooking his chin over his shoulder. With gentle hands, he encouraged Tony forward in the wooden chair, stroking his fingers up and down his Omega’s spine, counting each vertebra as he went. Magic pooled in his hands as he swept his hands over a muscled back, trying to ease whatever tension Tony was carrying.

‘I swear, Wong is worse than all of your ninja minions you have shadowing me,’ Tony laughed, groaning at the touch.

‘Apprentices, Tony, not ninja minions-’

‘Ninja apprentices then. You’ve got good timing, I think I’ve finished, You want to see?’ Tony asked, curving his head back against Stephen’s shoulder, exposing his vulnerability in such an effortless way. It created feelings of contentment, which spread through Stephen like fine lace, soft, delicate, subtle. This was an intimate spot for Omegas as it held their bonding glands, but for Tony, who had been seized and strangled in such a fragile area time and time again, it held a deeper meaning.

Omegas did not relinquish their trust easily, did not offer themselves to any Alpha they did not deem worthy, and Tony had more reasons than most not to trust any of them. Reaching down, Stephen ran the edge of his nose down the column of his throat, kissing the bite mark in the hollow of it with an infinitesimal brush of his lips.

‘Show me,’ he whispered against Tony’s skin.

A delicate clinking noise made him look up, and he felt his eyes widen at the complexity of the crib mobile Tony had made. He knew his mate had been driven to boredom constantly during his pregnancy, trying to hide his frustrated tears while biting down on the angry retorts he wanted to inflict on those who cared about him.

The safety of their pup came before everything else in Tony’s mind. They had known pregnancy would put stress on Tony’s body, that it would be difficult because of his age and the lasting repercussions that had come from having the arc reactor wedged inside his ribcage. Still, Tony had wanted to try, and Stephen had never been able to deny his obstinate mate anything.

It pained him watching Tony give up the things he had loved, the Iron Man suit, his place on the Avengers team, creating in his workshop. Stephen had tried to find safer ways for him to invent, but the Omega was having none of it, his singular focus keeping their pup safe.

Reaching down, Stephen cupped a fragile-looking wing in his hand, tilting it so the sunlight caught the turquoise glass, sending little splinters of sea-green light over Tony’s hands. Every individual butterfly was intricately wrought, the shimmering metal lattice encasing the glass membrane of wings.

‘Tony, it’s beautiful,’ Stephen whispered, picking up the steel ring the glass butterflies were all attached to by delicate chains, lifting it above his head so he could hear the jingling of the mobile as it moved in the wind, marveling at the cascading butterflies that Tony had spent months crafting.

‘Only the best for our little butterfly,’ Tony told him, preening and turning in his chair so he could point at the hook above the crib in the corner of the bedroom.

It had become a shared joke between them, Tony ridiculing Stephen’s superpower ability to create butterflies.

You were the one who tried to stop Thanos with butterflies!

To something more meaningful.

What does it feel like? The pup moving inside you?

I don’t know… like I’ve swallowed some of your magic butterflies.

‘I’d do it but I’m sure I’ll get told off for trying, and the last time I handed the Cloak something it dropped it,’ Tony laughed, waving Stephen away.

He did as his Omega bid, holding his cargo with care as he walked over to the crib, hanging the mobile and then looking back, crossing his arms over his chest as he made a thoughtful noise.

‘I dunno, Tony, what if the pup prefers little cups of coffee or something?’

‘Bite me, asshole,’ Tony grumbled, getting out of his chair. ‘You said coffee was fine while I’m pregnant.’

‘One cup a day I said. I heard all about your screaming match with Wong the other day,’ Stephen chuckled, reaching into the crib to reposition the cuddly elephant Peter had gotten the pup.

‘You’re all working against me…keeping me from my coffee,’ Tony spat, grimacing as he took a step forward, swaying on his feet.

Stephen immediately reached out for him, leaping forward before he froze, cowering under the glare he received for his trouble.

‘I’m not trying to be overprotective. I know you can look after yourself, but I’d feel better if you were off your feet, douchebag. I know you’re uncomfortable-’

‘Understatement of the year,’ Tony growled.

‘Sweetheart, you’re handling it so well, honestly. Come on, come sit down with me on the couch. I’ve not seen you in a while and I missed you, please?’

Tony relented at that, not because of any Omega instinct to please their Alpha, but because he knew Stephen did miss him when he was away with the other Masters of the Mystic Arts. They both understood that Stephen was keeping the world safe from interdimensional threats, but that didn’t stop the pain at being apart, especially now Tony was carrying.

‘You big softy,’ Tony relented, walking across their bedroom to the couch and sitting sideways on it, patting behind himself. Stephen settled in behind him, resting his back on the armrest of the couch before encouraging Tony to recline back into his chest, cradled by his legs.

His chest rumbled in something akin to a growl, nothing close to the noises an Omega could make when they were content and happy, but the meaning behind it was the same. Tony let out a satisfied sleepy noise, going boneless in Stephen’s grip, all but purring as trembling hands reached down to stroke over his stomach.

Stephen felt something nudge back against his touch, and he smiled, kissing the crown of Tony’s head, using the same spell he had earlier to sweep across the swell of Tony’s stomach. The Omega’s skin glistened gold where magic seeped into his muscles, relaxing any of the strain.

At times like this, Stephen couldn’t believe his good fortune. He’d never wanted an Omega in his younger days, obsessed with his standing and career path, and he hadn’t wanted to be tied down by an Omega, hadn’t wanted a committed relationship. He had been satisfied with being alone, of not being beholden to his impulses, his baser desires. Even if a little voice had whispered at him during the melancholy afternoons of playing piano by himself, that had been soon drowned out by work and social obligations, a quick fling with whoever took his fancy.

After his accident, the idea of being damaged, of being a fractured Alpha, had been too much for him to bear and he couldn’t consider finding a mate. Tony thrust himself into his life after their battle with Thanos, had demanded that Stephen stop thinking such detrimental things. Tony knew how it felt, how the societal expectations placed on Omegas mirrored what Stephen struggled with.

Omegas were meant to be caregivers, produce children while caring for their Alphas. Times had changed since then, but not the pressures or the expectations. Now, they were meant to have careers while producing offspring, juggling multiple obligations while still caring for their Alpha.

There were the toxic Alpha expectations too. Alphas were meant to provide for their mates, to guard and protect, offer support, financial security. Any deviation from this, any feelings of caring or nurturing projected an image of an unworthy Alpha. It was just as restrictive, just as demeaning, but none of them spoke up about it.

Tony nuzzled closer to him as he let out a sleepy whine, twisting so he laid on his side, trying to get closer but his stomach preventing it. Stephen accommodated his mate the best he could, allowing Tony to rest his head against the gland in his neck, as close as he could get to his natural scent.

He couldn’t smell himself, but Tony had once told him he smelt wonderful. It wasn’t something he could put into words, just like Stephen couldn’t explain his. Scents weren’t easily defined by a simple word, they were complex, evoking memories or feelings within individuals rather than smelling like everyday objects.

‘Safe,’ Tony muttered, exhaling heavily, succumbing to his exhaustion. Gentle, puffing snores fanned over Stephen’s chest from where his Omega’s head drooped on it, and he gently repositioned Tony’s head so it could rest flat on his chest. He was determined to let his mate rest, especially knowing it was in such short supply at the moment.

The idea that this Omega, this remarkable man had come to him, a broken Alpha made Stephen want to weep. It was Tony who began the courtship ritual, a complicated dance of gift giving and demonstrations of worthiness that the Alpha should have initiated.

Tony had never been conventional.

‘Tony, I can’t give you what you want, I’m-’

‘What? Broken? Newsflash, Doc, I’ve been shattered and remade so many times I’m not sure how much of me is left. Tell me no if you don’t want me, refuse my advances if you don’t want me to court you, but don’t tell me how I feel, or decide your worth because of what society tells you.’

Tony had trusted him with his heart, a rare gift considering those who had hurt him in the past. A snarling growl ripped its way out of his throat at the thought of those who had betrayed him, those who were meant to care for him and tried to forge him into something new, a creature neither Alpha nor Omega. His rational mind quickly suppressed his baser instincts as he felt Tony react to it, drawing away from him, his hands reaching down to protect his stomach.

‘Easy, sweetheart, it’s just me. You’re safe,’ Stephen whispered, reaching down to rub his jaw over Tony’s forehead, scenting him, reassuring them both that everything was fine.

Seeing movement at the door, he glanced up, suppressing his initial annoyance. The Cloak slipped through and shut the door silently behind it, gesturing towards the bed.

Nodding, Stephen watched as it floated over to pick up his novel, bringing it over and pushing it into his palm. It turned, appearing to regard Tony for a moment before gesturing with its hem. Chuckling, he nodded, allowing the Cloak to move closer. The edges of it fluttered over Tony’s stomach, not enough to wake him, communicating silently that it was here, that it would guard their pup.

You can rest on him. You know he likes it, Stephen sent telepathically, flicking his fingers at the book and making it levitate beside the couch, turning to the page he’d been at days ago. The Cloak settled over them both, cocooning them, the warmth unbearable for Stephen but a reassurance for Tony, who snuggled closer to them both, falling deeper into sleep.

Tangling his fingers in Tony’s messy hair to hold him steady, the other hand resting on his stomach in protection, Stephen began to read his story, basking in the contentment of having his family nearby, the chimes of the butterfly mobile soon lulling him off to sleep.

[trensu]

No worries, and thanks for the response! I’m just imagining a bunch of people who HAD run-ins with Leitners, watching that episode and cheering. Gerry won a lot of fans that day! Tim and Jon make sure to read him all his fan mail.

oh man, you don't even KNOW, anon.

Tim has an absolute blast combing through all their hate fan mail for that episode. He finds it a bit inconvenient that they're only able to receive letters? Every time they try using email or any social media, the system crashes. But spending the day sorting through the letters they receive is, like, his MOST favorite thing to do. There's just something morbidly hilarious about people losing their minds over things that don't even matter, y'know? Being exposed to the literal embodiment of various Fears really puts life in perspective so the stuff all these people get offended by is really truly ridiculous.

And while organizing all this, he starts seeing letters addressed to Gerry-Ghost. A handful are written in a messy child's scrawl. Skimming through those makes something in Tim's chest twist in muted agony. Apparently Mr. Spider wasn't the only children's book out there hurting kids. He makes sure to hand off those letters to Daisy to ha, hunt down those books. He doesn't tell Gerry about those.

The other letters, however, are marginally less painful to read. They come from adults; surprisingly there was a 50/50 split as to whether those adults had children or not. But they all were full of grief and gratitude. Tim gathers all those in a box and sends them over to Jon. Jon's got a better voice for read-alouds than he does.

--

Dear Gerry-Ghost,

I don't know if that's your real name, but it's the only one I know you by. I feel kind of stupid writing to you. I'm too old to be watching kids shows, probably, but sometimes the world's too much, too complicated, and watching cartoons and kid shows is a good way to unwind. They're simple. They're colorful. And they tell good stories a lot of the time.

Sorry, I'm rambling. You don't need to know about my embarrassing television habits. I'm writing because I wanted to thank you. I wanted to thank you because now I know I'm not crazy. I'm traumatized, sure but I didn't imagine the book that took my little sister.

My little sister was a nerd; she'd read anything she could get herhands on. And she was a smart nerd. I knew she'd be going places. My parents and I worked hard to make sure she could go to uni. She wanted to study space. He was really into sci-fi; i'd almost be embarrassed for her if it weren't for how happy going to those geeky conventions made her.

Near the end of her second year at uni, she found a book at one of those conventions. She was so excited about it. She went on and on about it when she called me, but she put off reading it until she came back home. She wanted to share it with me, even though I, as her elder sibling, fulfilled my duty of teasing her mercilessly about it.

I should've read the book. Growing up, it was my job to make sure the stuff she read was age-appropriate since our parents couldn't read English. Sure, she was an adult now but I should've read that book first. It didn't feel right. When she showed it to me, the book just didn't feel right. And I ignored that to make fun of her for losing it over an old battered paperback with bad old-timey sci-fi art on the cover.

I don't want to say what happened to her. I don't like thinking about how I found what was left of her. I don't want to remember how the book was afterward; how the cheesy sci-fi creature on the cover was distorted in a scream of agony and looked devastatingly like my sister. My little sister's face was never meant to look like that. My sister's face was made for smiling, but I can barely remember hersmile now. All I ever see is that scream.

I don't know what happened to the book. It disappeared after it finished breaking my family to pieces. My parents and I haven't spoken much since I tried to tell them what happened. They still don't believe me. This letter got away from me. I didn't mean to spill all that out. I'm not big on sharing, normally.

I just needed you to know how grateful I am to you. Even if you didn't burn that book (it wasn't at the Leitner Burning I hope maybe it was one you found in your journeys. You don't need to tell me if it was. Or wasn't. I don't think I really want to know. This way I can still hope) at least now I know for sure that I didn't make all that up.

You saved so many lives with every Leitner you burned. The world is a better place for having had you.

I'm sorry you're stuck in a book.

I wish you could've met my little sister.

Sincerely,

Sol Carrera

--

Jon folds up the letter. Gerry's book is next to him, open to Gerry's page. Gerry stares at the box full of letters. Jon pretends not to notice. When Gerry speaks, his voice is soft and cracks slightly at the end.

"...they're all like that?"

Jon nods. "More or less. That's not all of them either. These are just the ones that Tim confirmed were about Leitners that have already been secured or destroyed. He gave the others to Daisy. You know she needs to feed, and the more Leitners we have..."

"The less there are out there. Yeah."

"Yeah." A quiet moment passes before Jon tentatively asks, "Do you want to hear another one?"

"I think so," Gerry says. A teasing smile appears. "But I want Martin to read it to me. He's got a better voice for this."

"Excuse me? I have a great voice! My job is literally talking," Jon says.

"Are you saying Martin doesn't have a good voice?" Gerry hums thoughtfully. Jon flushes, eyes darting around nervously.

"N-No! Martin has a lovely voice. He, he always sounds so sweet a-and soft. I mean, well, the children love it when he reads to them, and--!" Jon stutters to a stop when he catches Gerry's expression. Jon scowls. "Oh, you're absolutely awful. You don't deserve these letters. I'm going to burn them."

Gerry laughs. "No, no, I take it back. You have the best voice, please read me another."

Jon huffs exasperatedly but gamely reaches for another letter.

Dear Gerry-Ghost,

Thank you for burning that book...

[crescairis]

I was wondering if you had another source that otherlinkers were explicitly excluded from the original definition of otherkind in 1990? The source on AnOtherWiki leads to a 2001 FAQ that doesn't mention anything like that. Also, otherlinkers aren't the same thing as KFF.

(just as a warning, this is going to be a LONG post, but i'd rather not put it under the cut for archival reasons, in the case that for some reason this blog disappears)

firstly, i'd like to apologize for phrasing things as if KFFs and otherlinkers were the same thing; a better phrased way to say things would be for me to say that i think many KFFs would be otherlinkers, were they to acknowledge that their experiences don't fit the definition of otherkin.

something else i'd also like to note that i've been thinking about (while it isn't exactly related to this question) is that perhaps people are misinterpreting the terms "voluntary" and "involuntary".

i feel that many people think "voluntary" simply means the initial decision to willingly take on an identity, which is, in part, true! however, voluntary identities are very likely to become involuntary, simply because it becomes too emotionally/mentally difficult to separate oneself from the identity that they've chosen.

being drawn to something, or someone, enough to take it on as an identity can often be a sign of something deeper! i would see this as a form of awakening in and of itself—like cracking open a geode, or perhaps like putting on training wheels before you experience the real thing.

but back to your first question: the way i initially phrased that post was also rushed, as we were trying very hard to write it during a single lunch break at work.

the term otherlinker is a very recent invention (coined in 2018 on the alt-h discord server, while copinglink was coined in 2015 by who-is-page), as being otherkin has always largely been considered a serious, personal experience. only recently have people NEEDED to specify that it's involuntary, so the only sources i can give you are ones that cite otherkinity as being intended as a serious identity, as well as those that state that otherkinity is not as shallow as a game or roleplay.

also important to note is that many of these pages were made and existed before fictionkin were a largely documented (let alone accepted) presence, thus they are scarcely mentioned, (and typically with skepticism or even scorn,) save for on their own, smaller pages. for our own personal comfort, we will not be listing sources that discredit fictionkinity completely.

firstly, here's a full timeline of otherkin history by orion scribner, to show the scope we're looking at

Otherkin Lexicon by Orion Scribner: "Otherkin are real, non-fictional people who identify as other than human. Otherkin identify as creatures from myth and legend, usually elves, faeries, and dragons. This is a sincere identity, not role-play. Many otherkin identify as other than human for spiritual reasons; that is, they classify their identity as otherkin as a personal spiritual belief. Being otherkin is a very individualistic thing: each otherkin reaches his own explanation for how and why he is an otherkin. Some of their common spiritual explanations include that they are other than human in spirit, or they were other than human in past incarnations.187 Although spiritual belief is often involved, “otherkin” isn’t a religion. As such, each person who identifies as otherkin practices whatever religion he individually wants. It has always been the case that most of the otherkin community practices Neo-Pagan religions, and so that religious perspective shapes the common views and ideas in the otherkin community. Some otherkin don’t use spiritual explanations. Some otherkin believe that they are physically other than human, or that their ancestors were."

A Field Guide to Otherkin by Lupa: "The definition for Otherkin I will be using for this book is: a person who believes that, through either a nonphysical or (much more rarely) physical means, s/he is not entirely human. This means that anyone who relates internally to a nonhuman species either through soul, mind, body, or energetic resonance, or who believes s/he hosts such a being in hir body/mind, is in my own definition of Otherkin. Some people do have more stringent standards. However, for the purposes of this book, I am including a wider range of people.

"This is not a roleplaying game. When a person says s/he is a dragon, or a wolf, or an elf, s/he is not referring to a character that s/he only becomes during a gaming session. That which is Other is a constant part of the person; s/he is the Other at all times. Grey, a wolf therian,says it marvelously: “Perhaps I should say that if a being is a color, or a sound, I am two items merged to form a different color/sound. The two are within each other. Sometimes plain to see, sometimes deeply mixed.”"

A Simple Introduction to Otherkin and Therianthropes by Orion Scribner: "Some real people think of themselves as kinds of creatures from mythology. These people call themselves “otherkin.” An otherkin has the belief that he is a creature from mythology, such as an elf. He says that elf is his true self. It is his identity. This is real to him. It isn’t a pretend person that he plays in a game."

The Otherkin Resource Center: "1 : one who identifies with various mythological archetype as vehicles of spiritual evolution and self-expression, similar to Native totemism only with a stronger level of self-identification.

"2 : someone who believes in reincarnation, and that not all of their reincarnations were as a human."

What are Otherkin? by Tirl Windtree: "By far the most common explanation from those who fit the definition (even if they don't claim this specific label) is that whilst their physical forms may be human, their essence, soul or equivalent term is not.

"Of those, the majority make their claim based on reincarnation - what they have been in a previous incarnation so strongly affects their current incarnation that they still identify with it. Obviously this requires a belief in reincarnation, and in the transmigration of souls. Both are reasonably common in a number of religions and spiritual beliefs across the world."

"The most frequent accusation is that all otherkin are lost in fantasy, they've played one too many D&D games and gone over the edge. Personal study seems to indicate this is actually one of the least frequent explanations. Most roleplayers know they are roleplaying, even if they are also otherkin, and roleplaying can be a very useful tool in self exploration."

The Lostkin Project by Gazer: "Otherkin are the supernatural among us. They are the elves, dragons, nymphs, and trolls that used to live more openly amoung humankind. Some are from other dimensions and other places. You may occasionally see them refered to as Otherkind. Otherkin is the more generally accepted term."

Otherkin Coalition by Kreyas: "What is Otherkin?

In a nutshell, Otherkin are a coalition of people who share in common the belief that some internal part of them is somehow incongruent with the rest of the human race. Beyond that, beliefs vary too widely to classify them into any one group.

Some of the most common beliefs are that the soul is somehow different from human. This may go in hand with a belief in reincarnation and “imprinting” (in which a past life as another species leaves an imprint on the soul which is then carried over into the next life), or the individual may believe that this is his/her first life and they are simply different.

Above all, Otherkin is a spiritual belief.

"Are Otherkin really a bunch of delusional, socially maladaptive kids like I read on that website?

NO. As with any group, not everyone fits the stereotype. Any community is going to have its bad apples which stand out in people’s minds better than the typical members. In my experience, Otherkin are usually levelheaded and able to question their beliefs and function in human society.

"Is it a Roleplaying thing?

NO. While some Otherkin may participate in roleplaying, strictly speaking the beliefs are separate from the roleplay - even if they are roleplaying as their identified “kintype”."

Otherkin FAQ v 4.0.1 by Arhuaine, Miaren Crowsdaughrer, Thistile Kachunk, Golden Syrpent, Knight of Ghosts and Shadows, Jarin Dreamsinger and The Crisses: "The Otherkin are those people who believe themselves to be spiritually and/or physically other than human. While mythological species (elves, satyrs, fairies, dragons, and so on) are widely accepted as being included under the term "Otherkin", many people in the community prefer to include aliens, vampires, furries, extraterrestrial humans, and other nonhuman races. A mythological or literary equivalent is not necessary to be included under "Otherkin"; there are types of otherkin that have not shown up in known legends or fiction (star-dragons, Elenari, etc.)."

What are Otherkin, Anyway? by Adnarel: "Otherkin is a term that is generally used to describe people who, In some way or another, physical bodies aside, do not feel that they are “human” in the conventional sense of the word. We (they) feel as though their spirits are not human, nor have they ever been, despite our physical bodies and outward appearance. Some otherkin have testified that they feel that this is their first time on this plane of existence, a.k.a. Earth. Others feel that they have been here numerous times to teach and to heal people. Maybe once they were here in their “true forms”. Otherkin use the term “true form” to describe what they feel to be the shape and nature of their true selves."

What Are Otherkin? by Arhuaine:

"Put simply, someone who is Otherkin feels that they have a soul (or souls) other than human. Usually this encompasses what are commonly regarded as mythical beings such as elves, dragons, fae, satyrs and so on. A broader view of otherkin might also include therianthropes (were-creatures) and those with animal souls (such people are sometimes known affectionately as "furries"), and also perhaps people who consider their souls are alien (often called star-born). The lines between Otherkin and Furries or Star-born are often blurred.

"Most Otherkin feel for most of their lives as though they don't belong. Human society seems alien and unfamiliar in many ways. They may feel isolated and unhappy, yet unable to explain these feelings at first. Then, perhaps they may begin to remember a life other than their own. Sometimes it is not easy to understand such memories, and sometimes the awakening to Otherkin-ness is a difficult and frightening process, especially if they are going through it alone. It is something not easy to share with others, for fear that they may consider you crazy.

"Being Otherkin is not something to crave, nor is it glamorous. It is a difficult and lonely path to tread, and sometimes it seems to bring only sorrow. Memories of loved ones long lost, a home that can no longer be reached, cause great pain. And yet, the life of the Otherkin is not all sadness. It is a life filled with wonder and magic, and a way of looking at the world that humans can never understand. Because magic is so much a part of an Otherkin's outlook, they may be drawn to Paganism or other New-age philosophies."

Are You 'Kin? by Gazer: "To really find out if you are otherkin takes searching. No, not on the internet, inside. You have to reach inside yourself and really look at yourself. This ,for the most part, is an inner journey. You have the answers, not me or anyone else. If you are otherkin then it is a PART of you, but you may be the only person able to find it.

The best others can do to help you is to provide pointers. Show you ways to search inside yourself, tell you how they found something inside themselves. We can hold a mirror up to you, but you won't see anything unless YOU do the looking, and what we see from our side of the mirror may not be the truth."

Otherkin Phenomena: "Otherkin are people who believe themselves to be something other than a human being on a spiritual, psychological, energetic and some even on a biological level, and choose to identify with that non-human fragment of themselves to the point where they count it as a permanent and ingrained part of their personal mythology and/or identity."

and there's plenty more! i'm just tired

i hope this helped answer your question, and perhaps gives others some insight as well!

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

hello~ i saw you’re taking fluff ABC requests! can i get comte with C H J L S Y please? i hope thats not too much (if it is then just the first 3 will be fine), thank you!!! :)

Hiya friend! You absolutely may, not to worry, I love writing about Comte!! You’re very welcome, and I hope you enjoy my rambles :D 💖💖💖 Below a cut for length!

Fluffy ABC headcanons listed here for requests!

C = Cuddling (how does he like to cuddle?)

His favorite way to cuddle tends to be with her in his lap in any permutation of that position. Usually she’s sitting on his thighs with her legs over the arm of a chair/on the other side of the couch, or she’s all curled up between his legs (she feels guilty about being too heavy and making his legs fall asleep, no matter how much Comte protests). She’ll lean against his chest and close her eyes, or hug him around his shoulders and snuggle close to his neck while he wraps his arms around her waist. From time to time his hand might fall to her thigh, stroking gently, or he might drop a kiss to her forehead/shoulder--anywhere he can reach, really. Either way, it’s a very comfortable position for both of them; he’ll always have a blanket ready to drape over her in the winter time since she often falls asleep that way. He loves it because he can watch over her and soak in some quality time at his leisure, no demands being made of him and no chaos to resolve. Just the quiet, the crackle of a hearth/fire perhaps, and the rhythmic sound of her breathing--beating heart steady. She’s safe, she’s warm, she’s cherished, and she’s content; what more could he ask for? (She loves it too because she just loves being wrapped up in the scent of him and in his arms, falls asleep so readily because of how comforted she feels ;-;).

He also loves having her legs around his hips when she’s in his lap--but that usually leads to sexy times, and this is fluff hour, my darlings ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

H = Holding Hands (when/how does he like to hold hands?)

Literally the only time this man would ever say no to hand-holding is when he has to actively use his hands for something else. (Basically sees her empty hand and sees his own empty hand and is just the “Is for me? 👉👈” meme). Otherwise he would die before saying no. That being said, he tends to be pretty practical and chill about it. Out on the town? Likes to hold her hand to keep her close, likes showing off his favorite person in the world, loves the feel of her hand against his own--warm. (From time to time his thumb will drift to her fluttering pulse along her wrist and he’ll sigh blissfully; it reduces his terrifying intrusive worries about losing her suddenly to mere background noise.) 

Usually it’ll just be her hand in his, but when it comes to sexy times he’s more partial to their fingers being intertwined ;)

J = Jokes (does he like to joke around with or prank her? how?)

Okay but this one made me laugh, only because my first thought was “he’s a clown s2g”. What I mean to say is that he’s a huge tease; really enjoys gently flustering his love. He’d never cross boundaries or do anything appalling, but he will ask her to do things that make her bashful because he thinks it’s absolutely adorable/endearing to see her out of sorts. Seduction is the name of his game, and he intends to see both of them have fun along the way (he’s a lovable rascal). Will ask her to undress him after a long day to enjoy the blush on her cheeks in the privacy of their room, or ask her to kiss him goodbye at the door if he has to go into town to run an errand. They will be simple little requests, or even observations sometimes~

One surefire way to surprise him/get him back though is to respond to his teasing with utterly serious love--it makes him freeze in his tracks every single time. If she anticipate his moves, he will be completely baffled for a moment. For example, say it’s his usual tea time and he’s really absorbed in his work (or he’s pretending to be). “MC would you mind--” Be one step ahead of him, hold that macaroon up to his lips like “Don’t worry, sweetheart, leave it to me--say ah~” And he will literally scream internally and die; he won’t ever see it coming. 

Note: this will lead to rigorous love-making in one way or another (either that moment or later that night) so be forewarned if she seeks to thwart him HAHA 

Beyond that, though, I think he and his MC are also a naturally light-hearted couple; they find fun wherever they are and joke around easily. Whether that means teasing each other, or just snickering over puns/nonsense.

L = Love (how does he show her he loves her?) Take two! I did another one with a different spin on it without realizing because I’m literally too in love with him to stop

If I’m honest? I think Comte’s biggest indicator of genuine, abiding love is vulnerability. He is always overcompensating, always acting to make other people comfortable; always a little too giving. If MC can encourage him to be greedy, to let down his guard with her--to be less than polished and perfect and magnanimous to the point of self-silencing--that is the greatest way he can show love. It means he trusts her to see him for all that he is, hiding nothing, and isn’t afraid that doing so will mean losing her forever. People can rely on him too much, ask for too much, and while he does love answering people’s needs and seeing them happy, at the end of the day he can neglect himself sometimes. She coaxes him out of his protective isolation slowly by showing him that he’s safe and loved even when he gets a little needy for affection, a little needy for reassurance. When she shows him that he’s still adorable and sweet and precious when he asks for help, he is like putty in her hands. Fair warning to MC though--if she does this she better be prepared to be spoiled tenfold in return; he can’t help himself!

S = Secrets (how open is he with her?)

Comte is a slow burn through and through my friends; he needs time to really open up. It’s not that he thinks MC will betray his trust or regard him with indifference; rather, he doesn’t have much confidence others will like him in his more vulnerable state. (And honestly, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if people have toyed with his weaknesses in the past. Yes, Vlad, I’m looking at you.) He just assumes he’s a lot of baggage, that the truth of who he is and how he thinks is just too depressing. He tends to hide his more overwhelming feelings and loneliness, tends to hide what he wants; he doesn’t want to impose on others or burden them. That being said, if one pays attention to his tells, if she shatters the illusion of his composure with confident concern, he will begin to share what he’s thinking more and more. He will give up the facade slowly, reach out to her more consistently as she offers him a safe, sensitive place to rest. (I feel like his biggest indicator is sudden silence: if he doesn’t know what to say it’s usually because he’s either caught off guard or overwhelmed by emotion, and he needs a second to conceal it). 

I don’t think he’ll ever be completely open with his feelings like that in any kind of public setting. He needs the comfort of privacy, the truth of who he is hers and hers alone; it is a privilege that belongs to his beloved. He will share bits and pieces of himself outside, snapshots of what he’s truly like, but the entirety of his selfhood will be concealed only between them two. 

Y = Yes (how would he propose to her?)

Haha, this will actually come up in his MS and a future event, so look forward to it! But there are some big points to hit home when it comes to his proposal process. 

First and foremost, he doesn’t give a single fuck what others think. He considers marriage and everything that comes with it secondary to the truth that lies between him and his cherished one. Does she want to stay by his side, and is she ready for that level of commitment? Before he ever goes public with the depth of their ties, he needs to know that they are on the same page without equivocation in private. And more importantly, what her comfort zones are. Does she even want marriage? Does she want it to be a public affair, or would she prefer less fanfare? How does she want to go about this?

He thinks marriage in and of itself is a cheap promise for eternal creatures; it’s too lodged in social convention and cultish religious tradition to mean squat to him. He will take their bond seriously, and he will absolutely respect her feelings about marriage, but he wants something more timeless and equal between them--something not easily severed. He will wait as long as he needs to for her to be ready for that. Marriage to him is more of a universally acknowledged symbol of their union; a way for other people to recognize that they’re devoted to someone else, and a way for him to express deep romantic feeling openly. As long as he knows at the end of the day that they’ll always be together on their own terms, side by side, that’s really all that matters to him.

His proposal will begin in private; it will be an intimate, fairly solemn moment between them. Is she ready to become a vampire’s bride? Can she accept that kind of future, and everything that comes with it? He doesn’t want her to be socially pressured by a crowd or even himself and the other residents of the mansion--he wants this to be her choice and vow, through and through. This isn’t about getting her to agree, this is about gauging where she is emotionally. If she needs more time to be sure, he’s happy to give it (but when he proposes he will have paid very careful attention to her potential receptivity; it is unlikely he would jump the gun and risk frightening her).

He will take her to a little church at midnight, well into the darkest hours of the night. Each breath will hang like a whisper in the air, swallowed by the cool and amplified by the quiet. He will try to provide a dress for her, but if she’s partial to one she already has, he won’t protest (he will just pout because he LIVES to buy her dresses and this is a special occasion, one he intends to remember forever ;-;). He’ll take a moment at the altar where a ceremonial binding would usually happen, and pause. 

He looks more serious than usual, his expression penetrating. He’ll take her hands in his own, squeeze them gently as her gaze finds his. The silence is gentle, but anticipatory--charged with what’s to come. He speaks slowly and softly.

“I’ve asked you before, but I’m going to ask one more time, here and now; a vow between us. Will you stay by my side, a vampire’s bride, for as long as this life gives us? Will you marry me someday?”

They’ve talked about the prospect before, and she’s already proved her mettle--she has expressed no intention of letting him go. Even if that means becoming like him in the future to stay together, even if that means facing the grief of losing human friends and family. She knows what it means to agree to this bond, and she’s thought it through; she knows this is what she wants. She dreads a future devoid of his presence so much more than any necessity to forfeit her mortality.

“Of course I will,” her answer is equally soft but firm, every bit the woman he fell in love with; sensitivity lined with steel. 

The next second she’s leaping into his arms and he laughs, melting into the delight of her certainty, relieved to know he isn’t alone (and won’t be alone ever again), more in love than he ever thought he could be. He holds her tight for a moment before letting go, pressing a kiss to her left ring finger--one he fully intends to adorn with a proper ring of his choosing (he was having it made to suit her so it would take a little longer to be ready, one of a kind).

That being said whenever she’s ready (or wants) to have a public ceremony, he’s ready with bells on! He will listen very, very carefully to the customs she recognizes as binding and the kind of wedding she wishes for, and will essentially ensure that the process reflects a balance of their mutual desires (as always, leaning into what she wants a little more). He’s also a hopeless romantic, so despite his private feelings about marriage, he will enact all the cute little traditions he’s picked up along his long, long life that express earnest wishes/prayers for a bride's happiness. If it makes her smile--and sometimes cry happy tears--then he thinks it simply makes all those years he waited for her to enter his life worth it.

[openheartthot]

Whipped

Pairings: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Camille Prescott), Ethan Ramsey x Harper Emery (friendship)

Word Count: 1,687

Warnings: None :)

Summary: Harper attends Camille’s baby shower and realizes that Ethan is well and truly whipped. 

Just a li’l something sweet to celebrate the fact that we finally know that OH is coming back...even if it isn’t until September 🙃

***

“Harper, welcome.” Ethan steps aside to allow his colleague and former girlfriend to enter the apartment. Harper offers him a professionally-wrapped gift with an enormous pink bow on it. She shifts her purse on her shoulder as she walks in, feeling somewhat out-of-place. 

“Thank you for the invitation.” Harper says. “I wasn’t sure I would be invited, to be honest.” She casts a glance around the flat as she steps inside. 

It’s a completely different space than she remembers from back when she and Ethan used to date. While it’s the same building, the minimalist decor has been replaced with bright throw pillows and clusters of knick-knacks and picture frames-- not to mention the cheerful welcome mat at the door where there’d used to be only a utilitarian black doormat. 

“Of course you’re invited, we’re colleagues and old friends.” Ethan responds. “Besides, Camille and her friends all look up to you. She personally asked me to make sure you were on the guest list.” Ethan adds. He smiles at Harper, and she notes that he looks not only happier, but younger, too. Just being around that young resident of his always seems to rejuvenate him in a dozen different ways.

Harper allows herself a pleased smile. “Oh, did she? That was nice of her.” She glances around the apartment as Ethan leads her further inside towards the rest of the guests. 

She hesitates slightly as they enter the living room. Thanks to the open floor plan, Harper can see there are maybe two or three dozen people filtering around the large space. She recognizes quite a few residents from Edenbrook, although the crowd is studded with unfamiliar faces. 

Harper’s gaze travels around the room, pausing on Camille, where she stands by the dining table, which is serving as the craft center for the baby shower activities. Ethan’s wife is like a ray of sunshine, wearing a yellow sundress and holding up a hand-decorated bib made by one of her friends. Ethan follows Harper’s eyes around the room.

“Can I get you some punch? Dr. Trinh made it.” he offers, as if sensing Harper’s discomfort. 

“Quite the role reversal, Ramsey.” Harper says dryly, and he chuckles, leading the way to the kitchen. 

Usually it’s Ethan who needs his hand held at social functions. Harper has covered for him at conventions and galas more times than she can count. She’s glad he knows her well enough to understand that socializing with her subordinates at her ex-boyfriend’s new wife’s baby shower is a little out of her wheelhouse, no matter how unflappable she usually is. 

Ethan pours them each a glass of pink punch that tastes of strawberry. They lapse into a comfortable silence as they sip the admittedly delicious drink. “Dr. Trinh made this?” Harper asks, pleasantly surprised. She can’t say she knows much about the tiny resident besides the fact that she can occasionally be found crying in supply closets. 

“She made pretty much everything.” Ethan grunts, gesturing vaguely at the desserts and appetizers spread out on the kitchen island. “I think Dr. Varma and that arrogant scalpel jockey helped out by opening the cheese puffs.” 

The thought of the residents swarming around the infamous Ethan Ramsey’s kitchen makes Harper laugh. “I have to say, Ethan, it’s good to see you like this. Happy, I mean. I never expected you to be married or have children, but it suits you.” 

“I am happy.” Ethan agrees. He swirls his glass of punch. “Wishing this was scotch, maybe, but happy seems...appropriate.” He leans on the counter casually, and although he clearly thinks he’s being surreptitious, it’s obvious he’s only doing it to get a better view of Camille. “And you? How have you been?” 

Harper can hear the real question that he’s asking. “I’m single-- but I’m content.” she assures him, quickly. “Being at the top of my field is hard enough without managing a relationship on top of it.” Harper knows it sounds like a line, but it’s the truth. She’s dated plenty, but she’s at her most relaxed when she’s not in a relationship. 

She and Ethan seemed perfectly suited to one another on paper, but neither one of them had delusions about the longevity of their relationship. Now that Ethan is happily settled down, Harper can see that she’s perfectly fine on her own. It feels good to finally be around Ethan as friends, without having to worry about where they stand with one another.

“You’re right about that.” Ethan says, drawing Harper back to the conversation. “I’ve been toying with the idea of taking some time off after the baby comes. So Camille can get back to work on her own timetable, and we can spend some time together as a family. It’s not like we need to worry about income.” Ethan says wryly, casting a glance around the high ceilings and breathtaking views of his apartment. Despite the homey revamp of the interior, it’s still the same luxury real estate. 

Harper blinks, taken aback. “You’d become a stay-at-home father? You’re more whipped than I thought.” Harper lets out a shocked laugh, and Ethan glances at her, his brow furrowing. 

“I am certainly not whipped, Harper.” But even as the words come out, his gaze slides away from Harper and back over to where Camille admires a tiny pair of crocheted scrubs, cradling her stomach with one hand. A smile quirks his lips, and once again, he seems to have forgotten Harper altogether. 

“If you aren’t whipped, then why have you been staring at her throughout our entire conversation?” Harper asks, arching an eyebrow. She isn’t upset at him, in fact it’s kind of adorable to see The Ethan Ramsey gazing longingly at Camille from across the room. 

“She’s my wife. I’m just trying to make sure she has a good time at her baby shower.” Ethan says with an indignant scowl. “I suppose that makes me some sort of spineless worm in your eyes.” 

Then Camille appears behind him, resting one of her dainty hands on his arm. “Who’s a spineless worm?” she asks with a smile, and all of Ethan’s agitation visibly fades away. He gives her a dopey smile and covers her hand with his own. 

“Dr. Emery, thanks so much for coming!” Camille says in greeting as she notices Harper, oblivious to the knowing look that Harper shoots Ethan. She offers Harper a wide smile, and it’s becoming quite obvious to Harper why Camille and Ethan are so good for each other. Between the blonde’s sunny disposition and Ethan’s brooding cynicism, they balance each other out perfectly. 

“It’s my pleasure, and congratulations on your little one.” Harper says, nodding at Camille’s stomach. “If you’ll excuse me, I see Naveen over by the scrapbooking station. I think I’ll go say hello.” 

***

As soon as Harper has turned away, Ethan loops one arm around Camille’s waist, pulling her as close to him as her baby bump will allow. He presses one palm firmly against her back and uses his other hand to tilt her chin up and press a quick kiss to her lips. 

“Hey, you.” Camille says lovingly as she pulls away. “Are you having fun?” 

“I’ll confess I am having more fun now that you’re here.” he says, tenderly stroking her cheek. “I’m glad you made your way to the kitchen.” 

“I’m mostly here for the food.” Camille says in a mock whisper. “The lunch you made me was total garbage. You can’t call something risotto if it uses cauliflower instead of rice.” 

“Pardon me for wanting my wife and child to live a long healthy life.” Ethan grumbles, though his lips are threatening to betray him by twitching into a smile. 

“Whatever, at least Sienna has my back.” Camille reaches over and plucks a pink-frosted cupcake off a nearby platter. She holds it up to Ethan. “Want to share?” 

Ethan rolls his eyes as he stares at the sugary treat. “I still hate frosting, Rookie. No matter how many times you try to force me to ingest it.” 

“Well, your daughter loves it.” Camille says, scooping some frosting onto her finger and licking it off. Ethan shifts his hands to rest on the curve of her stomach, and this time he can’t stop the smile from breaking through. It broadens as he feels a fluttering kick against his palm. 

“I can tell,” he says. Camille raises the cupcake again, but instead of taking a bite, she playfully scoops up some more frosting with her index finger and smears it on Ethan’s cheek. 

If someone had told him two years ago that he’d be married to a resident, expecting a child with her, and laughing while she spread pink buttercream on his face, he would’ve thought they were out of their mind. But here he is, and he couldn’t be happier. 

He brushes a lock of blonde hair out of Camille’s face and smiles down at her. As usual, when Ethan looks at her, everything else in the room fades away. He forgets about the apartment full of their friends and family, and all that exists is him and her, and their unborn daughter in between them. 

Camille smiles back mischievously at him, and pushes herself onto her tiptoes to kiss away the frosting on his cheek. Her lips linger, trailing down to his jaw and letting her tongue swipe teasingly along his skin. 

Ethan’s breath hitches in his throat. “Camille,” he says warningly, tightening his hold on her body. “I will send everyone home right now.” He leans over to whisper his words, finishing his sentence with a sharp nip to her ear. He smirks at her sharp gasp and the way her hands fist in his sweater. 

Then she shakes her head and wiggles out of his arms with a bright laugh. “Not so fast, Ethan. You haven’t even decorated a bib yet.” 

Ethan groans, but lets her take his hand and lead him across the apartment towards the craft table. “Only for you, love.” 

Yeah, Ethan Ramsey is totally whipped, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

***

Tags:  @edgiestwinter​​​​ | @fireycookie | @dulceghernandez​​​​ | @queencarb​​​​ | @utterlyinevitable​​​​ | @angela8756​​​ | @lucy-268​​​​ | @ethandaddyramsey​​​​ | @laiba-the-person​​​​ | @starrystarrytrouble​​​​ | @aestheticartsx​​​​ | @kaavyaethanramsey​​​​ | @sanchita012​​​​ | @eramsey28​​​​ |

[phcking-detective]

Not Alone

Nines decides if he gets put on hold one more time, he's violating the Geneva Convention.

"Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

The PACU nurse audibly sighs in disappointment. "I spoke with our Chief of Staff, and he has given me permission to reiterate to you that a work partner does not count as family. Our policy is—"

Nines involuntarily reviews the Post Anesthesia Care Unit's visitation policy for the sixty-seventh time.

Visitation in the PACU is at the discretion of the nurse and physician caring for you and varies depending upon your procedure. Once the nurse taking care of you is happy with your vital signs and other post surgical requirements, they will contact the waiting area and will let your family member see you. Our policy at this time is legal family members only.

Which is a currently-still-legal method of barring androids.

Never mind that this policy also has significant human collateral damage: adoptees, divorcees, mixed race families …

The end result is that Nines cannot produce a marriage certificate and he obviously is not related by blood, so no one will be there to greet Gavin when he wakes up from his surgery.

And that is unacceptable. The detective has enough abandonment issues already.

Connor cannot hear the internal phone call Nines is engaged in, but he has a social module and must somehow be reading the results from his body language or facial expression.

"Hank could pretend to be his dad," he offers.

The PACU nurse is still reading the visitation policy in full. She's clearly determined to make this as difficult as possible, and showing up with a random human male with pale skin and fair hair who shares nothing in common with Gavin's olive skin tone, dark hair, or facial features is not going to cut it.

Nines searches through every single scan and PDF of paperwork Detective Gavin Reed has ever submitted to the DPD. Finally, all the way back to carry-over paperwork from the police academy he attended, Nines discovers a phone number he's never seen before listed as Gavin's emergency contact.

And it says brother.

Nines uses the phone at Gavin's desk to call this number without mentally disconnecting from the PACU nurse. Normally, he would be more than capable of processing infinite phone calls, but he does not have a social module and his stress levels are climbing into the high eightieth percentile.

"Gav, you better be dying because otherwise—"

"Is that Elijah Kamski?" Connor blurts out in the middle of the precinct.

"—just fucking text me, bro."

"Well shit," Hank says. "Talk about can I speak to a manager. You think he'd be willing to fix—"

Nines holds up a hand. He does not have a social module and cannot possibly process three conversations at once.

"You are listed as Detective Reed's emergency contact," he says into the phone.

"Is he hurt or dead?" Kamski immediately asks.

Nines cannot reply for nearly a full second. He spent three seconds thinking his partner was dead. It was not enough for Detective Gavin Alexander Reed to merely get shot, no. He also had to fall off the roof of a building, and the impact from the landing was enough to briefly stop his heart, which registered to Nines's scanners that—

"Hurt. Surgery." That is all he can say at first. "Successful. He is out of intensive care and has been transferred to the PACU."

In the background, Nines can still hear the others in the bullpen gossiping. He did not mean to make Gavin's familial relationship public. He assumed the phone number for one "Eli Reed" would simply be a regular, non-famous human of no particular importance except to get someone into the hospital to reassure Gavin he is not alone.

"What does he need now?" Kamski asks. "Will he be released soon and need a ride or in-home monitoring?"

Those are [logical] questions. Nines supposes he should not have expected anything less from the man who is technically his creator. Even if he only wrote the code and was not personally involved in the android's construction or testing phase.

"I have already made those arrangements during his surgery," Nines reports. "His apartment is prepped for his return, and my lieutenant has put together a … care package."

"Is that the old guy, husky, beard? With that Connor I liked?"

Across the bullpen, Connor's advanced hearing picks that up, and he visibly preens. Nines practices making a facial expression by sneering and rolling his eyes at him.

"Yes."

"OK, cool," Kamski says. "So, do you need me to cover the cost of surgery or is he asking for me …?"

"I have been unable to contact Detective Reed," Nines admits. "The hospital's visitation policy specifies 'legal' family members only as a method of anti-android discrimination. You are the only family member I have been able to locate."

If you do not visit him, he will be alone.

Nines cannot say this dialogue option. He cannot—refuses to—preconstruct how [bad] it will be if Gavin wakes up alone. His human has a deep, psychological fear of being abandoned, and even if Nines is able to see him immediately upon release and explain the situation, the emotional damage will have already been done.

"Yeah, our parents are dicks, and he doesn't want any famous media bullshit, so we keep the half-brothers thing on the downlow," Kamski says. "Do you need me to be your way in?"

"Yes," Nines says, almost before he finishes offering.

"I'm just kind of assuming here that you're his partner, and he'll want to see you, right?"

"As I am assuming that he accepts you as his brother, and he will want to see you."

Kamski snorts. "I told them stripping out your social module wouldn't stop the deviant problem—or make you any less sassy. That's an inherent RK feature."

"Should I meet you at the hospital," Nines asks.

As much as he may be [curious] about his creator in another situation, this is not another situation. And the situation at hand requires getting to his partner's location immediately.

"Yeah, just send me the address and let me do the talking. See you there."

As soon as he hangs up, Nines is bombarded with [questions] from Connor, Miller, and Collins. Thankfully, Hank stands up and makes a pushing-hands motion to signal to them to be quiet.

"I know we're all real fucking shooketh about this," he says, like the millennial dinosaur he is. "But we can save all the questions and gossip for after Reed gets out of the hospital, all right?"

The humans both grumble, but they let it go. Even Connor stops and sits back down at his own desk.

Hank turns back to Nines. "I'll text Tina and let her know what's up. You just go get your man, kid."

Connor visibly restrains himself from commenting on what an apt descriptor "man-kid" is for Gavin. At least, that's what Nines assumes, considering it is the commentary he himself would normally make.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he says instead.

He turns and leaves before the "goodbyes" can take any longer. Either whatever Kamski plans will work or … Well. He is the most advanced military android model ever created.

Nothing will keep him from his partner.

***

By the time Nines arrives at the hospital, Kamski is already utilizing his social module. And billions of dollars. The Chief of Staff [Thomas Carrado, unmarried, no arrest record] would wouldn't deign to speak to Nines over the phone is now vigorously shaking Kamski's hand while thanking him for his "generous donation."

"—also, I'm sure you'll want to see your brother too."

"Yes, and—" Kamski turns and [smiles] at Nines. "Ah, my assistant is here. What room should we go to?"

Carrado's own smile freezes on his face when he sees Nines. Even without the LED, there couldn't be any mistaking the android for what he is.

Kamski keeps smiling as well, the sort Connor does when he's about to verbally destroy someone.

"Right this way, Mr. Kamski," Carrado says.

The Chief of Staff turns on his heel without any acknowledgement that Nines follows them. In turn, Nines also does not acknowledge the glances Kamski keeps making at him. His vision is just as accurate in his "peripherals" as it is directly in front of him, so he has no need to turn his head or rotate his optical units to observe the human in turn.

Gavin's [brother].

"—in the nation, but with your esteemed patronage, I'm sure we can rise to first. And of course Mr. Reed will—"

"Detective," Nines corrects.

"—receive the best—"

"Detective."

"—care possible here—"

"Detective."

"—while—"

"Detective."

Carrado stops and whirls around. "Is your … assistant … experiencing a malfunction, Mr. Kamski?"

"No," Nines answers for himself. "You will refer to Detective Reed by his title."

"Oh, is he still pissy about that?" Kamski asks before Carrado can respond. "I swear, every single family dinner for a fucking decade, we had to call him Officer, Detective—he'll be insufferable when he finally makes Captain."

Bold of him to assume Gavin isn't insufferable now.

But Nines does not know the state of Gavin's relationship with his brother, and if the lack of contact is due to mistreatment. He will not risk "making fun of" his partner to a toxic family member.

"Will you be staying long?" Carrado asks Kamski.

"Nines, what does my schedule look like today?"

Nines may not have a social module, but Gavin has forced him to sit through watching enough daytime television to be able to parrot simple lines commonly said by ST300s.

"I have rescheduled your meetings and cleared the remainder of your afternoon and evening, Mr. Kamski."

As Gavin would say, [Like hell] he's going to call the billionaire "sir."

"Excellent." Kamski reaches out to shake hands again, and Carrado is forced to reciprocate. "Thank you so much for your assistance, Dr. Carrado. Now, I promise not to take up any more of your valuable time."

"Well, I'm not—"

Kamski gestures down the hallway, still smiling mildly as if he isn't "politely" telling the good Chief of Staff to [fuck off]. He maintains eye contact with the other human until Carrado slinks away.

It seems Gavin and Kamksi share more than just genetics and a similar facial structure then. Although Gavin would have squeezed the other man's hand hard enough to induce pain, and likely told him literally to fuck off as well.

"Well." Kamski claps his hands together once Carrado is gone. "Let's go see my baby brother!"

***

Gavin is dying. He's alone and he's dying. He's dying and he's alooone.

"Detective."

Person? People??

Hands touch him and it's the best thing ever. There's a person here, he has a person, he's not alone. He's not going to die alone because everyone hates him and it's all his fault for being a huge asshole in the first place.

"Please lie down, Detective."

Gavin stops struggling to sit up when he realizes the person is his person. His favorite person. He collapses back down in the bed, which hurts a lot more than it should. Probably because he fell off a fucking building and messed up the whole left side of his body and—oh yeah, also got shot too. That sucks.

It doesn't stop him from whining and making grabby hands—hand? his left arm and leg are both in casts, boo—until Nines bends over at the waist, and Gavin can drag his face close enough for kisses.

"Wooow." His brother says. "This is blackmail material forever, I hope you know that, Gav."

Wait, his brother? Eli??

"I will remove you from the premises," Nines tells him.

Eli scoffs. "My donation got you in here. Nines."

"And there is nothing on this earth that can remove me."

God, his partner is so hot and mean and cool. And he has a mouth! Gavin has a mouth too. They should … look into that. You know. Investigate.

"Hmm, and here I thought you didn't like my 'stupid toys,' bro."

Gavin stops trying to wrestle his mouth against his partner's mouth and looks at his brother, who is also in the same room as his partner, at the same time.

"Oh, shit," he says.

"Uh huh, uh huh." Eli nods and waves his hand in a sideways-circle. "Keep going. Either with an apology, or you can keep it up about how only a loser needs to build an android to have a girlfriend."

"This is different," Gavin says, very seriously while still leaning to the side to keep as much contact between his back and Nines's chest as possible.

Eli scoffs and gestures at the two of them.

"I don't keep him in my basement," Gavin argues.

"I didn't lock Chloe in mine either," Eli snaps back. "She's free to go where she pleases."

"Her and all her clones?"

"Oh, please. If I never invented her, you wouldn't have—"

"—lab is in your basement though, and that's—"

"Gavin," Nines says, voice right next to his ear. "Is your lack of contact with your brother due to this level of typical sibling fighting—"

"We're not fighting," Gavin says. "We're just talking and he's losing."

"You're the one dumb enough to get shot," Eli adds.

Nines straightens up. "Do not mock Detective Reed for being injured in the line of—"

"Whoa, whoa, hey." Gavin pats behind himself with his good hand as much as he's able. "Easy, babe. No combat protocols, OK? He's my brother."

"Hmm," Nines says.

"So he's like, super fucking annoying and all, but no one beats his face in except me." Gavin doesn't even pause before he turns back to Eli, who's already opening his mouth to bring up— "And you only got lucky with the water hose that one time, I can still kick your ass in any other fight."

Eli scowls, but he looks away instead of bringing it up. He still feels guilty about it. Goddamn genius, and he "didn't know" smacking Gavin in the face with the metal end of a water hose would bust his nose open like that.

Dipshit.

"You said you received your facial scar in a bar fight," Nines says.

Eli blinks, looks back over, then bursts out laughing.

"Shut up," Gavin groans. "You weren't supposed to meet like this, it's not fair!"

"How exactly did you plan on us meeting, Detective?" Nines asks.

Gavin keeps his right hand covering as much of his face as it can and doesn't answer. He hadn't really thought about it beyond how much Elijah was going to fucking gloat when he found out. And as much as he loves his partner, Nines is android-brothers with Connor, and they do android-mind-linking, and Connor is a horrible gossip, and Gavin does not need the entire precinct and/or world to know his brother is possibly the most famous man alive, thanks.

They have a whole arrangement about it. Maybe if he wasn't still feeling the effects of so much morphine, he'd be able to articulate that, and how he wants to be absolutely certain his career really advances on his own merit, and maybe even some other stuff about Eli getting way more attention than him and growing up in the shadow of his cooler, smarter, more popular half-brother …

Ugh.

"Ughhh," Gavin groans again.

"And when were you planning on finally texting me, huh?" Eli asks.

Gavin looks up so he can scoff. "You fucking text me, asshole."

Eli inspects his probably-already-perfect nails. "I've been busy."

"So have I!"

"Getting shot?"

Nines interrupts. "That reminds me." He leans down to growl close in Gavin's ear, "You will never do this again."

Gavin swallows back a moan. "Babe, please don't make me horny while my brother is in the room."

Nines rolls his eyes. "There is no other recourse for me to leave then."

He knows his partner is joking. He knows that. But between the morphine and the exhaustion and now the pain in his side slowly seeping back into his body—Gavin grabs onto Nines and clings to him.

Nines immediately bends back down and wraps his arms around him as best he's able. "Shhh. I will not. I am here, and I have you secure. Shhh."

He makes the shushing noises more like a stern librarian than a comforting boyfriend, but it's ironically comforting after all because Gavin knows no one else would literally say "shhh" like it's a word. So this must be his Nines, his boyfriend, his partner.

"Wow, this is really touching."

Gavin lets go just to flip Eli off.

"Can I get in on this snuggle fest? I haven't seen you in what, a fucking year now, and you get your dumbass shot."

Gavin grumbles about it, but he holds out his good arm for Elijah. The dumb asshole comes over and gives him a one-armed hug, careful not to wrap around too far and touch his side. Or his broken left arm. Broken left leg. Goddamn, he really did it this time, huh?

Once they've hugged it out, he pulls back and says, "Since I built your Nines, when he uses his combat protocols to kick your ass for this, that's basically like me kicking your ass."

"No way," Gavin immediately replies. "You haven't been able to kick my ass since we were ten, and don't—god. Don't phcking, say it like he's you about my ass. That's weird, bro."

Eli grins at him. "Oh, so you two are already doing butt stuff, huh? That's pretty serious, like third base."

"Anal is only second," Gavin tells him.

On his other side, Nines blinks red. "Then what … do you consider first?"

"Uh, a blowjob, duh."

"Wait, what's a handjob?" Eli asks.

"Nothing, between friends."

Nines blinks. "Then thank god Tina is not here."

Gavin looks back down at the bed. "I guess she's busy, huh?"

"No," Nines says as if that's reassuring. But he continues, "She is not allowed to see you. The hospital's visitation policy allows for 'legal' family visitors only."

Gavin looks back up at him. "Then how'd you get in?"

Nines scowls. It's one of the few facial expressions he's mastered. "I searched through every form you have ever submitted to the Detroit Police Department, found an emergency contact number listed for your brother from nearly fifteen years ago, called it, spoke to Elijah Kamski, and then pretended to be his assistant."

"But hey," Eli says. "After the amount of money I just donated, I could wheel in a giant birthday cake filled with Traci strippers, so I'm sure I can get Tina in whenever you're ready."

Gavin smiles weakly, but now he's thinking …

"Is that why you weren't there when I woke up?" he asks Nines quietly.

"It is the only reason," Nines assures him. "My next option after calling your emergency contact was to simply walk inside and see what they thought they could do to remove me."

He looks absolutely serious about it too. Gavin's smile breaks out into a grin, just imagining some poor fucking GS200 security guard nervously asking the most advanced military model ever made to p-p-please leave … sir? Wh-whenever you're ready though, no rush!

He gets the giggles, but then that really makes his side hurt. Nines helps him lie back down before he even realizes he's too tired to sit up anymore. He also gets petted through his hair and that's nice, that's sooo nice.

"I'm … love you," he mumbles.

"I know." Nines smooths his hair back one last time and kisses his forehead. "Rest now. You can talk to your brother more when you wake up. We'll both be here."

Gavin still clutches at him though. "And Tina?"

"Yes," Nines says. "And Tina. Hank too, although he will likely bring Connor."

"Ugh, Connor."

"Yes."

A yawn catches him before he can complain any more about that, and having a nap does sound really good right now.

"Eli, tell me what you're working on," he says, blinking repeatedly to try to keep his eyes open. "S'boring."

Elijah takes a seat next to the bed. "You mispronounced boyfriend, but OK."

"He's boring too," Gavin says, but like, in a loving way. "He filed my ta-a-haaaxes."

After that last yawn, he loses the blinking battle. Eli starts explaining something about a new form of titanium, and Nines keeps one hand resting solidly on the center of his chest, so Gavin knows he's there.

They're both right here.

***

***

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[asherlockstudy]

I got into gmm fandom this year and I love these 2 old men extremely, and I recently read your discussions about Link's psyche and the ear biscuits commentary and I totally relate to you. I couldn't find anything that you wrote about the competition eb#255. I'm very interested in your thoughts on this particular episode since your ideas on their psychology really fascinates me. Will you please share?

First of all, thank you for your kind words!

The truth is I certainly have an opinion on the competition episode but I was hesitant to post anything about it because I wasn’t sure whether that would push any boundaries. Since you asked, I am going to tell you, but I would like to stress to any MB who will read this that this theory / analysis works through a Rhink perspective or at least the perspective of an intense friendship, which I think their friendship is anyway, so you need to be in that mindset from the beginning. This is obviously my personal take on their conversation; the way the puzzle pieces fit inside my mind if you will. It can be as far from the truth as Rhink itself in general. Technically it can be read out of the Rhink lens but IMO it makes more sense this way, so I’m gonna tag this only as #rhink. 

Now let’s actually go to the topic in question. Rhett and Link are both competitive but in different ways and for different reasons and to different targets.

Rhett is naturally competitive. Or maybe not naturally per se, as I think this competitiveness was planted inside him by his father. His father expected him to be good at everything, an expectation that Rhett then internalized and simply never escaped from. His competitiveness might be maximized by feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness. If Rhett cares so much what people think of him, it’s only natural that he wants to ensure that people will think highly of him and that requires him to be good, look good and always perform well. The more Rhett loves and is loved by a person, he’s sooomewhat more relaxed in revealing his weaknesses. Rhett is always competitive but he’s less competitive with his close friends and family than with strangers. Rhett would take 100 defeats from Link than one from any other youtuber. And like he said, Rhett doesn’t mind losing to his sons because he wants them to do well and because, duh, they are McLaughlins and they are proof success still runs in HIS family.

Link is insecure too but handled it for the most part of his life in a completely different way. I have the impression that until 5-6 years ago Link had resigned and lived defeated inside his insecurity. His own insecurity stems from lack of self-worth, which probably stems from feelings of abandonness in his childhood. Let alone that if there’s any truth to the queer!Link theory, he also felt socially and religiously alienated from everyone around him, most importantly Rhett, and all this suffered in silence. This is why his insecurity is associated mostly with the people close to him and not strangers. Link doesn’t care much if random people think poorly of him which is why he’s not self-conscious and can talk to people. But Link is hurt a lot if a person he loves a lot doubts him or mocks him or simply doesn’t  regard him very highly. He has a primal fear of getting taken in, abandoned or betrayed. He’s grown to become a suspicious person, often entertaining the worse case scenario, fearing that a person he loves could actually not love or respect him back as sincerely. As an example, from everything they’ve said I have the impression Link adored Rhett when they were children. He looked up to him and Rhett was some sort of role model for him. Link didn’t have many other friends and certainly not others like Rhett and the rest of his time he spent mostly alone in his home. Meanwhile, Rhett had more variety in his life: he had other friends, including Ben whom he admired so much, hobbies and an obsession with girls. So it’s safe to assume that Link was more “there” for Rhett than Rhett was “there” for him, without that meaning IN ANY WAY that Rhett didn’t love him as much. But Link couldn’t know that - and when Rhett was busying himself with something else, his feelings of abandonness and lack of self-worth intensified.

I think Link never escaped from these feelings.There were some GMM episodes where Link has implied that he often feels Rhett takes him for granted and shouldn’t. In short, Link loathes that he feels uncertain in his friendship with Rhett whereas Rhett feels perfectly sure in it. This, especially at a point 4-5 years ago, when Link started changing stylistically and in the way he carried himself (we can only guess why), it was also the time Link’s efforts to fight that feeling of defeat especially around Rhett reached their peak.

I trust Rhett’s input in this. I don’t doubt Rhett senses competitiveness coming from Link’s side. What Rhett might not understand is that Link is not globally competitive but mostly towards certain people, including him, first and foremost.  Things such as vanity, overt enthusiasm when winning, “OOOOH HA-HA-HA-HA” when Rhett got insulted, “I prefer time with my wife”, “I can’t be always there for you”, “I have other friends beside you Rhett” are some random examples of this overcompensation that is the unconventional competitiveness Link feels against Rhett. “Against” is a strong word though because I believe Link doesn’t do any of this to bring Rhett down but rather to go up and be on the same level as him. NOTE: I don’t believe Link is in any way lower, I believe Link fears this is the case. Link dreams of an entirely equal and balanced relationship between them, not because it isn’t so, but because he has invested so much in Rhett that he constantly fears everything he can lose. He wants Rhett to look up to him, to admire him so that he can keep him, and moreover keep him eternally interested and intrigued. In short, he wants Rhett to feel the way he feels about him and he thinks this cannot be as long as Rhett takes him for granted or doesn’t take his skills, mind, virtues and looks seriously. Furthermore, his tendencies to take most of the control in their job and be a perfectionist could also be connected to all that and increase his anxiety associated with the stability of their job.

The problem is that Rhett perhaps doesn’t understand the motive behind Link’s behaviour and interprets it as plain old competitiveness. He’s however, as I felt in the podcast, troubled by it being targeted to him. A remark like “I have other good friends too” is something that makes Link feel more independent from Rhett but Rhett could occasionally get hurt and think “Okay but why does he have to say this to me?”.

This unavoidably is channeled in their business too. A duo of internet celebrities? That’s like the recipe of guaranteed failure! Even non-competitive people have destroyed their businesses and friendships this way. What Rhett and Link have managed so far is world record. Part of their success is how open they are to each other about how they feel. In fact, it was very healthy of Rhett to confess openly that he has some level of “mild envy” about Link doing well in various aspects of the show. This means that Rhett sat down when he experienced these feelings, had a talk with himself and reached the conclusion that he was very happy Link was doing well. He just felt he had to push himself to be as good - not better -  so that he would not feel bad about himself contributing in this show, in this business. And in short, Rhett feels he need to compete with Link in being as likable to the viewers. I consider this totally understandable.

Link was reluctant to speak openly throughout the whole episode. And that was because his answer was not that easy. From everything he said, I was positively surprised that it seemed Link has it all laid out very clearly in his mind - how he acts and why. He just wasn’t willing to explain, particularly in public. This becomes clear towards the end of the podcast - when Rhett is essentially about to lose his mind because Link denies everything, Link starts to say something only to stop and decide he shouldn’t do it eventually. More importantly, Link adds in the end that Rhett made the big mistake to base his understanding of Link’s competitiveness in minor conventional things such as games and job performance. Link said that Rhett was stripping their relationship off of way too many parameters that he wasn’t taking into consideration to reach a valid conclusion. So indeed Link’s competitiveness is a very personal topic with deep roots and IS connected mostly (if not exclusively) to his relationship with Rhett. Link doesn’t want to be better than Rhett either - he wants to be as good as Rhett and be liked by the viewers. Not for the viewers’ sake but in order to rub it in Rhett’s face later. Again, he doesn’t want to hurt Rhett - this is likely a desire for guaranteed continuous attention from Rhett, whatever it takes.

Furthermore, Link always makes sure to draw attention from the audience as much as Rhett, if not more, (which could be fundamentally what Rhett interprets as competitiveness and doesn’t know how to regulate) which is Link’s way to ensure he’s not taken for Rhett’s sidekick (in his own words) by either the viewers or Rhett himself, because inside Link’s full of concerns mind this hits a little too close to home.

Now, if there’s any truth to Rhink, intensify this by 10x.

[mbti-notes]

Greetings, I am a 75 year old grandma. I am writing because my grandson who is in his 20s won't work. I have been involved in mbti for many decades. I'm an ENFJ. My grandson is still living at home well into his 20s. When I tell him to get a job (over many years) he just tells me to cut him off and that he will be fine without a smartphone and sweet foods. He is very bright. Graduated with a 3.7 from University. He tried various interests, but nothing sticks. Do I kick him out? Its not my nature

[con’t: The actions I've taken to help my grandson is to show him various resources like holland code, personality theory, etc. so that he can find some direction of where to commit. Instead he just takes the holland code over and over again, and happily shows me that his interests vary everytime he takes it. Same with personality theory. He goes on your blog all the time to prove that he doesn't fit anywhere. Based off of that statement he sounds like IxFJ. My grandson resembles Ti loop (IFxJ), but he does not resemble any other aspect of being an FJ. He is relatively well decisive when it comes to everything in his life. The only issue is getting a job, getting on a path, but he rejects this. If he at least helped around the house it would be something, but he can be quite selfish and uncaring, yet at other times very caring. It vacillates. Anyway, please help if possible, I am perplexed.]

WRT His Type: 

I can’t draw a conclusion about his type without a full type assessment. Everything you’ve described is quite consistent with INFJ and Ni-Ti loop. It seems that you don’t understand tertiary loop very well. Ti loop is an unconscious repudiation of feeling, responsibility, and eventually, conscience. It amounts to a refusal to be the things that make FJs good and admirable people. Basically, the more severe the case of Ti loop, the more arrogant, narcissistic, and callous the INFJ becomes. 

If the INFJ is only at the stage of trying to suppress the vulnerability of feeling life, there is still a fair chance for them to turn their life around by developing better emotional intelligence to address the emotional immaturity. If the INFJ has reached the point of refusing personal responsibility, they will be preoccupied/obsessed with finding any excuse, and even creating enemies, to blame for the poor state of their life. At this point, they are impervious to facts and don’t respond well to advice. If the INFJ loses all self-awareness and manages to convince themselves that they are “special” and not subject to conventional rules and ethical boundaries, then the time for you to distance from them is nearing, as chronic Se grip will set in and produce reactive, aggressive, or extreme behavior. 

To get out of Ti loop requires genuine humility and reconnection with feeling life. The INFJ must take full responsibility for their decisions, correct the big mistakes that they have made in life, and atone for all the harm that they have caused. He does not seem to be capable of this at the moment. I explain Ti loop not to be an alarmist, but to give you a realistic view of how destructive tertiary loop can be, what rock bottom looks like for INFJs, and the signs to be wary of. If the relationship with him ever reaches a point where his mindset becomes toxic and harmful to you, it is important that you move to protect yourself.

WRT His Problem: 

Getting someone in the right frame of mind to make a change and tackle a big problem is very tricky business because you don’t want to try and fail too many times. If you’re correct about Ti loop, then the more times you try to help and fail, the more likely he is to retreat further into himself (and delusion). To avoid applying the wrong solution, it’s best to do some “intelligence gathering” first so that you understand the problem properly before proceeding.

Neither of you has gotten to the bottom of his “block”, i.e., the actual obstacle that is getting in the way of his advancement. You can’t solve a problem if you can’t identify the cause(s) of it. The cause can be internal, external, or a combination of factors. Getting him into aptitude/personality studies seems like a logical approach to the problem. However, this assumes that the underlying cause of the problem is that he doesn’t really know himself - is it, though? It’s not clear to me, from what you’ve said, that this is the root of the problem. There isn’t enough info for me to draw any conclusion and I don’t wish to speculate wildly about what his problem might be. He seems to have some deeper psychological issues going on. And this lack of knowledge about his motivations is probably the reason that you’re both having difficulty pinpointing his type.

Therefore, the first order of business is to examine the problem in depth to figure out what the true cause of it is. Is the nature of the employment problem practical, psychological, educational, social, etc? Once you have an accurate grasp of the problem, then think on the right solution to it, or get help from someone with the expertise to determine the right solution. Note that if he is already at the point of avoiding responsibility and making excuses to manipulate reality, he himself will be blind to the real problem.

WRT Your Decision: 

The last point I want to make is about you and your feelings. It sounds like he is suffering from some form of arrested development because he still has the mentality of a child. Academic GPA means nothing without emotional maturity and life skills. His behavior indicates that he depends on you but is also spoiled in taking your support for granted. This means that the more you try to support/help him, the more you may be enabling his unhealthy behavior and preventing him from becoming truly independent. 

It is in his best interests to learn how to be a responsible adult because he will not always have someone to lean on in life (especially since Ti loop is very destructive to relationships). This should happen sooner rather than later, because the longer someone stays stuck in a rut, the harder it is to change, as inertia deepens. This is especially true in terms of employment because doors close and opportunities gradually dry up the older one gets. For the sake of his continued personal growth, he has to learn how to face up to his life’s problems and resolve them. But it sounds like he’s not willing to do that without being compelled to. He explicitly said to cut him off, which is basically like telling mama bird that he’s not going to jump off the tree and fly until he gets pushed off. Push him. Yes, he could have some psychological issue going on, but he’s also using your support to avoid facing up to it. If this is true, then you need to step BACK and allow him to step up for himself.

Should you kick him out? I understand that, from your perspective, this path would be the last resort, because it would violate your moral sensibilities and perhaps damage the relationship. But the fact that you’re at the point of considering it means that you’ve been dealing with this situation for far too long without making any progress. Please take some time to address how much this situation stresses YOU. Otherwise, your feelings may eventually boil over and possess you to do something you regret.

The fairest approach to this situation is to treat him like you would treat anyone else. In other words, stop giving him preferential treatment, especially if he doesn’t appreciate it and thus doesn’t deserve it. (Preferential treatment is reserved for people who are putting in their best effort but still falling short due to factors beyond their control.) If he wants to live under someone else’s roof, he has to contribute his fair share, as any adult would be expected to do (rent, bills, food, etc). If he wants to use/share your space, he has to help with cleaning and maintenance so that the workload is fairly distributed, as any adult would be expected to do. If he wants to have a relationship with you, then he has to reciprocate to make the friendship equal, as any adult would be expected to do. If it were anyone else, you would draw lines and boundaries about what kinds of behavior you would tolerate, wouldn’t you? I hope you would. If you're a doormat, it makes your relationship dynamic with him codependent and even more unhealthy. 

**A healthy relationship must have boundaries. Personal boundaries must be respected to justify continued investment in the relationship. If someone doesn’t respect your needs and boundaries, they don’t respect you, and they’re proving themselves unworthy of your continued effort. Until someone proves that they are worthy of your trust and support, it is best to maintain emotional distance from them, for your own safety and psychological well-being.**

It’s time for you to step up for yourself and how you feel. Make your needs and desires matter just as much as his, which means drawing the lines, setting the boundaries, and enforcing the rules that you need for honoring your existence. Yes, it would be nice if everyone just knew how to respect each other, but that’s not the case. If a relationship is hurting you, then it’s necessary to practice proper self-care and correct what is wrong. It’s not about being controlling but about respecting you and what is yours. If he can’t abide by your rules and boundaries, he is an adult and free to set his own rules elsewhere. Don’t forget that if you let him walk all over you, you’re implicitly confirming to him that exploitation is normal and acceptable relationship behavior.

1) Devaluing your needs is a disservice to yourself and puts you in the backseat of this relationship to be hurt and exploited, and 2) devaluing your needs is a disservice to him, because taking advantage of your generosity allows him to continue on with unhealthy behavior. I’ve given a few possibilities above and it’s up to you to take the path that you think is best for both parties.

[midwinterblinder]

Arranged marriage

Part 4:

“You know what?” Arthur speaks up as he stands up from his seat. “You two should join us for a drink.” He says as he points at Matthew and Y/N. He can tell that Tommy is about to protest but he starts speaking before his brother can get a word in. “It’s tradition for the family to go for a drink at The Garrison when we’ve made a good deal, and since you’re going to be family soon you might as well join us.”

“I’m sure they have more important things to do Arthur.” Tommy says as he fixes his brother with a cold stare. He’s been on his best behaviour all day to make the Thompson’s see that he can handle himself in their circles and he doubts a trip to The Garrison will do their opinion of him much good.

Y/N and Matthew share a look, and Tommy once again tries to decipher the silent exchange between the siblings. “We have some time.” Matthew says as he turns towards Arthur. “Lead the way.”

“Follow me.” Arthur smirks as he steps towards the door. “Polly! Michael! Come on, we’re heading to The Garrison.” He hollers through the building and Tommy closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose as he lets out a deep sigh.

His attention is quickly taken by Matthew, who is now standing in front of him. “May I suggest that you stay near my sister while we’re out.” Matthew says as he gestures to Y/N who is being lead towards the door by John. “You never know who’s watching.”

Tommy nods in response and the two of them join the others by the door, where Polly has now joined them as well. “Polly, this is Y/N Thompson. You’ve already met Matthew.” Tommy stops next to Y/N in what will be his place in any public gathering from here on out. “Miss Thompson, this is my aunt Polly Gray.”

“Pleasure to meet you Mrs. Gray.” Y/N smiles at the woman in front of her as she holds out her hand. She can tell that Polly is taking in her appearance, but she’s not bothered by it. It’s like this with almost anyone she meets and she has become very good at appearing confident when she needs to be.

“Lovely to finally meet you, Miss Thompson.” Polly returns the smile and shakes Y/N’s hand once she has looked her up and down. She has to admit that Y/N is a very good looking woman. “If you’re joining us at The Garrison, I assume that means we’ll be family soon?”

Y/N nods as she takes in the confident air that hangs around Polly. “The details have been settled, so a drink to celebrate our new alliance seems appropriate.” Y/N says and Polly notices how the woman manages to keep a slight smile on her face the whole time. It makes her look friendly, but from what she has heard about the High Rip Gang Polly is sure the woman in front of her can do some serious damage if she wants to.

“Why are we heading to The Garrison in the middle of the day?” Michael asks as he walks towards the group by the door whilst pulling on his jacket. They all turn to look at him and he freezes with his arm halfway through his sleeve when his eyes land on Y/N. He’s immediately enchanted by the woman in front of him and his lips part slightly as she sends him a smile.

Y/N can’t help but feel a little smug at the young man’s reaction to seeing her and she briefly glances at her brother who she can tell is suppressing a smile. The number of times the two of them have used her looks to their advantage coming to mind as they see the way Michael looks at her. “You must be Michael.” She says as she steps away from the group and holds out her hand. She hears the men chuckle behind her as it takes Michael a moment to break out of his trance.

“Yes.” Michael finally manages to say as he shrugs his jacket on properly. “I am.” He adds with a little more of his usual confidence as he shakes her hand.

Tommy watches in amusement as his cousin holds onto Y/N’s hand for a little too long before finally letting go. When Michael doesn’t say anything else, Tommy clears his throat to get his attention. “This is Y/N Thompson, Michael.” He says as his cousin’s eyes snap to him and Tommy has to admit it is somewhat amusing to see Michael like this.

“Yeah and it’s already been decided that she’ll marry Tommy, so you can stop drooling over her.” John smirks around the toothpick in his mouth. He finds it incredibly amusing that Michael, who has slowly but surely become his least favourite family member, is making a fool out of himself in front of Y/N. Michael is becoming a bit too confident in the business for John’s liking, and it doesn’t help that Tommy seems to think very highly of Michael either.

“Let’s just go for a drink, shall we.” Arthur speaks up when he sees Michael’s gaze move to John. There’s no need for the two of them to start a fight right now. “The pub is just around the corner.” He adds as he opens the door and steps onto the street.

They all file out after him as Tommy follows Matthew’s earlier suggestion and falls into step next to Y/N. He contemplates offering her his arm, but decides that it might be a bit too soon for that and he doesn’t want to cross any high class boundaries. “I assume you won’t be staying very long if you still have to drive all the way back to Liverpool?” Tommy asks as he pulls his cigarettes from his pocket and offers her one.

“Thank you.” She says with a smile as she accepts the cigarette. “We’re actually heading down to London for some business.” She tells him before she leans closer to him so he can light the cigarette for her. “We’ll spend the rest of the week there for a few meetings and social gatherings.” She explains as she takes a drag and watches as Tommy lights his own cigarette. The more she watches him the more attractive he seems to get and she’s sure the other women will be quite envious when she will walk into a party on his arm.

Tommy nods in understanding. “I have to go down to London for business myself in a few days.” He says as he glances at her only to find her eyes already on him. He expects her to look away now that he has caught her looking at him, but she meets his gaze without a hint of embarrassment. “Maybe we could meet.” He suggests. “Or would that be too soon for your people?” He adds. His voice sounds exactly the same as before, but he’s genuinely unsure about this. A feeling he doesn’t enjoy. He wants to move their arrangement forward as fast as possible, but has no idea how fast would be too fast in this situation.

Y/N watches him closely as she tries to decide if he genuinely wants to hear her opinion or if he’s making fun of her earlier explanation of how things work among the people of their class. Tommy’s face however doesn’t show a single emotion and she’s once again impressed by how he carries himself. “Not if we just happen to be at the same place at the same time.” She says before she takes another drag off her cigarette.

Tommy watches in fascination as she gets her thoughts in order. He can practically see a plan taking shape as she blows out some smoke before taking another drag, so he patiently waits for her to start speaking again. As much as he prefers to be the one in control he has to admit that manoeuvring the social conventions of the higher class is not something he’s familiar with, so he sees no shame in letting her take the lead in that department. After all that’s why he’s marrying her in the first place; for her to improve his social standing.

“We can make sure you get an invite to the party we’ll be attending on Friday. That would actually be a very good starting point.” Y/N nods slowly as she lets the smoke leave her mouth, her gaze now directed in front of her. “We can say that’s where our relationship went from purely business to something more.” She muzes as she turns her head to look at Tommy.

He nods in response. Her idea sounds reasonable enough and it means he will immediately be stepping into the world of the Thompson’s. They’ve reached The Garrison now and Tommy can’t help but wonder how different the party on Friday will be from their celebration today. He gestures for her to go inside as he holds open the door. “After you.”

Tags: @annabethgranger123 @biba3434

[roseategales]

SOLAS & ORPHEUS I: YOUR NAME IS LIKE A MELODY. (THE POWER OF EPITHETS, TITLES, & NAMES.)

                                                           EPITHETS & TITLES:

VGS: Where do you see a character like Solas ending up? Patrick Weekes: [Sighs] Musical theatre.

The above exchange is from an interview with Video Game Sophistry, where Patrick Weekes goes into detail about the creation of Solas and how we ended up with the character and romance we got. Although said in jest, I do believe Weekes honestly recognised that Solas is a character who could easily be adapted to the medium of the stage musical, due to how musicality is baked into the foundations of his story and the world of Dragon Age. In fact, Weekes compares the fantasy and romance of Solavellan to The Phantom of the Opera earlier in the interview, and anyone familiar with Phantom can see the parallels, as Solas and his arc share many tropes and archetypes in common, not just with the Phantom, but with other male characters in musicals. If I told you I was going to see a show about a Morally Conflicted Soldier, a Trickster in Disguise, a Rebel Leader, a Decadent Noble, a Mythic Legend, or a Monster Boyfriend, I’m sure several examples would jump to mind.

Solas is all of these. Layer upon layer, stitched together, and then taken apart, whenever he needs to be whatever he needs to be. And he is also, if we are borrowing the epithets from Hadestown, The King and The Poor Boy Working on a Song.

It has to be noted that Hadestown’s use of epithets is itself a nod to ancient oral poetry, particularly in the vein of Homer. In Homeric convention, important characters, settings, and objects weren’t described by adjectives, but with epithets that would change based on context. (e.g. Much-enduring Odysseus, who is another paradoxical Trickster figure in ancient myth.) The use of epithets is a signifier of the origins of Homer’s works, serving as a mnemonic device and a way to fit the scenes of the stories to dactylic hexameter, as they were first oral poems that were composed and sung in front of audiences before they were written down. However, because of our modern understanding of the English language and what the word epithet connotes to us, what Anaïs Mitchell has done by using this device in Hadestown, is turn it into something that’s closer to the definition and function of a title rather than an adjective. Hades is always “The King.” Orpheus is always “The Poor Boy Working on a Song,” or “The Poor Boy With a Gift to Give.”

Solas bears his names in a similar fashion. When introduced to us as merely Solas, he is the “Humble Apostate” (or “Unwashed Apostate Hobo,” if you have Vivienne and Dorian in your party), or the “Fade Expert”; he is nicknamed “Chuckles” by Varric and “Fade Walker” by Iron Bull. Descriptors that comment on his lowly, outsider status, beaten and betrayed in this strange new world, that endear us to him. When he again dons the badge of Fen’Harel/Dread Wolf, he is “He Who Hunts Alone,” “Lord of Tricksters,” “The Great Wolf,” “Roamer of the Beyond,” and “Bringer of Nightmares.” Bynames that, of course, evoke those given to deities in ancient cultures (e.g. Hades is also known as Plouton in Greek myth, “The Rich One.”), that make him out to be fearsome, malevolent, and unknowable beyond the legends.

When I separate Solas into these two personas and archetypes, of Solas and Fen’Harel, The King and The Poor Boy, I don’t want us to make the mistake of thinking he is someone who bifurcates himself so completely that one part of him is unrecognisable from the other. His is not a situation of one identity hiding another or two identities battling to control the fore. He is Solas and he is Fen’Harel; the way Lavellan is “The Dalish Elf” and “The Herald of Andraste.” He is simply someone who has some impressive compartmentalisation skills (displayed in a conversation he has with Sera on the tactics of the Red Jenny group), and who has a thorough experience of a line he says to Cole:

“We all have a face we want to show, and a face we do not.”

                                                                      NAMES:

Perhaps the best way to convey Solas’ complexities coming together to form the whole of him, is by examining the construction of his name. How cyclical it is, beginning and ending with the letter S, as effortlessly smooth and slippery as he. The L in the middle like a delineation, a fork in the road of choices before him. O and A on either end like they’re mirrors or masks. How it’s composed of five letters, the way iambic pentameter is composed of five syllables that you must stress and unstress—like the two syllables in his name itself. And depending on which syllable you stress in your pronunciation, your voice will either rise and fall or fall and rise when you say it.

I may be giving Gaider and Weekes too much credit here, but Solas’ name is quite literally perfect for him. Change any single one of these components or his characteristics, and you will no longer have Solas but someone else in his stead.

There are layered meanings to the sound of his name, too. Solas is a homophone for Solace and Soulless in the English language. The former recalls all the times he might’ve provided solace to his friends or lover, or received it from them; and the latter recalls how he does seemingly soulless things to achieve his goals, or becomes someone who is soulless altogether if you don’t reach out to him with kindness. Angela D. Mitchell explores this wonderfully on her blog Dumped, Drunk and Dalish, along with homonyms in other languages. Among them are:

Latin: Solus Meanings: Solitary, alone, sole, only, uninhabited.

Irish: Solas Meanings: Light, Bright, Clear; Brightness; illumination; lucid, intelligible; light-giving, lamp flame; enlightenment, insight; revelation, disclosure; the light of existence; vision. Also: self-interest; limelight.

Old Irish: Solus Meaning: Light.

Scottish Gaelic (derived from the old Irish "Solus" or "light"): Solas Meaning: Light.

Old French: Solaz, Sollas, Soulas Meanings: Joy, pleasure, enjoyment.

She also explores the Latin root of ‘Sol’:

Lone, alone, solitary, lonely, desolate, dismal, gloomy The sun (also can refer to the Sun in a personified sense) A source of comfort, calmness, soothing "To be accustomed" (as found in such words as: insolent, obsolescent, sullen)

These are all such apt descriptors for various facets of his personality and story, it shows the amount of thought and care given to him in the writing process. And of course, there are the Elven meanings: ‘Pride’ or ‘to stand tall.’

Because of the level of thought involved, I wondered how far back Gaider chose his name and decided it would mean ‘Pride’ in Elven, and how that might’ve informed Weekes’ writing of his character. @maythedreadwolftakeyou, @felassan and @lesbianarcana (my heroes!) helped me out and did some top-notch digging.

The first instance we have of the word Solas was found in a codex acquired from Dragon Age II’s Black Emporium, which was released on March 8, 2011. After that, it appears with its Elven meaning and on a map in World of Thedas Volume 1, released on April 30, 2013.

Since we have an enormous amount of foreshadowing for him by way of Shartan in Dragon Age: Origins and Merrill in Dragon Age II, I think it’s safe to say the first concepts of what Solas would mean and who the character who would wear the name would become began as far back as DAO. (Note: I believe Gaider or another Bioware dev confirmed this on social media, but I couldn’t find the post anywhere. If it crops up and you see it, please let me know. I’ll amend the post and credit you.)

In any case, the power of names is yet another running theme that links the storytelling of the ancients, Hadestown, and DA:I. Orpheus pays attention to the composition of Eurydice’s name, and remarks on how it’s “like a melody,” and his arrival in Hadestown reminds her of it when she’s been stripped of it and has forgotten who she used to be. Solas tells Abelas he hopes that he finds a new name after he leaves the guard of the Vir Abelasan, because it means Sorrow. The Qunari in Tevinter Night’s Genitivi Dies in the End have a special interest in finding out what they believe to be Solas’ “true name,” so they can then “track [him] back through the best and worst of [himself]”; “find flaws”; “exploit weaknesses”; “know what [he] failed to be.”

To be named is to be given an identity, personality, and, in most cases, personhood. To be named yourself and to be able to name others is power. Whether that comes as the name you’re privately called, your title, or your epithet.