#I suck at creating backstories so this is just an exercise

[dreamingofthewild]

I currently have a cold and got bored. So I decided to make Tav's that I would personally pair with each of the companions if I were to make a custom character for each romance. This serves nothing other than a good creative exercise for me, and some ideas for characters!

Gale: Zadir ''The Shadow'' Kurzar - The Swashbuckling rouge - Chaotic Neutral

A human swashbuckling rouge. Used to be a soldier until he uncovered corruption in the ranks - after which he was framed and sentenced to death. He managed to escape and took to life as a pirate.

Outwardly stoic, silent, and aloof. Zadir pretends not to care about anything, but deep inside, he is a big softie who just wants to be loved but is afraid to open up to anyone.

I wanted to make a character who is as far away from Mystra as possible. He's given up on the gods and doesn't know a thing about magic. Tricks don't impress him - actions do.

........................................................................................................

Wyll: Sir Pepton Squigglestone - The Oath of Devotion Paladin - Lawful Good

A gnome Paladin, Oath of Devotion Pepton is essentially, a knight in shining armour. Pepton grew up reading stories of heroes like Drizzt Do'Urden, and decided that he would like to adventure some day. His parents wanted him to stay at home - they didn't think he would make it as a paladin - he wanted to prove them wrong.

Pepton is modelled after the classic storybook princes and knights. He loves poetry, dancing, and playing pranks on enemies. He upholds the virtues of love, justice, and honesty. He will sweep Wyll of his feet (not metaphorically either - he has his ways).

He is a true romantic - who believes in soulmates, and loves the arts.

....................................................................................................

Astarion: Nyirnel Yanys - The Life Domain Cleric of Illmater - Chaotic Good

Was an orphan who was taken in by the temple of Illmater in Baldur's Gate, which she then dedicated her life to. She started off as an acolyte, until she left to travel the sword coast in an effort to help those suffering as a life domain cleric. She also hopes she will be able to find her true parents, and clan, along the way.

Nyirnel is a sweet, kind-hearted dragonborn. She believes that everyone deserves a second-chance, and likes to see the good in people. However, she might be a bit too trusting at times as people can ake advantage of her kind hearted nature.

She is also not over using a little bit of manipulation to get her way, an believes that lying is okay if it is for the greater good. She is intrigued by Astarion, and although their relationship is rocky she is willing to give him a chance.

...........................................................................................

Karlach: Soulo The Broken - The School of Glamour Bard - Neutral Good

Soulo only had one dream growing up - to sing, but she was pressured into a martial life style by her parents who were afraid that she wouldn't fit in to society seeing as most distrust half-orcs.

Although she made a good barbarian, she didn't fit in well with the military either. A general took a liking to her after hearing her sing, but treated her like a monster. After 8 gruelling months as a caged bird, she finally managed to make an escape. By fighting her way out.

She never picked up a weapon again. She swore that she would never pick up a weapon again, and wanted only to bring beauty to the world through music. It's about time that people's opinions of half-orc's changed.

She relates to Karlach in many ways, and is charmed by her sunny nature.

........................................................................................................

Shadowheart: Xanan Cormral - The Circle of Stars Druid - True Neutral

Xanan grew up on the surface. A product of an illicit affair between a noble female drow, and a male tiefling, which led to the family fleeing with nothing but the clothes of their back. They grew up as an outlander, their parents moving from place to place with the wind, trying to find work where they could and lying low of anyone from drow society who may be looking to enact revenge.

They don't always fit in, which is okay with them, as they prefer the company of animals. They have a close connection and affinity with nature, and have a strong passion for the stars. Probably because they are the furthest away from the underdark you can get.

Xanan is a kind, sweet, and friendly soul. However, they are more concerned with getting the tadpole out of their brain than they are helping others.

...........................................................................................................

Lae'zel: Aelar Greenbrook - The Bladesinging Wizard - Neutral Good

Aelar was an outlier in his family, who were druids and archers. He spent most of his time either with his head in a book reading about forgotten ruins, and arcane remnants or looking for them.

While still you, his grove was attacked by dark fey. The elven warriors fought, but unfortunately, their bows were not enough. He lost his mother, and two of his siblings that day.

Aelar vowed vengeance. He sought training in both swordplay and spell craft, pursing the path of a blade singer. He now wanders beyond the forest, defending and protecting people.

He abhors monsters, fey, and those who prey on the innocent. He values strength, and those who are willing to fight for themselves. Aelar also finds beauty in everything, and his favourite thing to do is watch the sunrise or the sunset.

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 47

We're finally getting some details on the Magician this chapter.

I guess Chilchuck is Izutsumi's second-favorite since she likes sleeping on top of him.

I wonder how long it took to get Izutsumi to sit at the table. She's probably eating her food by shoving her face in the bowl since Marcille had to wipe her mouth at one point.

Between this chapter's release and now, we were dealing with the covid pandemic, and one of the symptoms of covid is a weakened sense of smell and taste.

It kind of keeps me from agreeing with Senshi when he talks about needing to exercise your taste to keep it from withering.

Yaad fills the party in on the magician's backstory. I'm aware his name is supposed to be "Thistle" but the manga translated it to "Sissel". I'm going to stick with Thistle when talking about him.

Thistle is also correctly gendered at this point with Laios making the correction as well. Not sure if the misgendering was intentional or the English translation is just trying to fix a mistake.

There's definitely got to be more to why Thistle created the dungeon and made everyone immortal beyond "He studied black magic, went mad, and decided to do it." He was taken in by Delgal's father, was there when he was assassinated, and was raised as if he was a brother to Delgal. Yaad also mentioned his parents but we've not seen them, so maybe something happened to them before Thistle made the dungeon.

I wanna guess that Thistle might have that same underlying fear Marcille has about outliving everyone around him. And Yaad's parents died to sickness or assassination or something and it drove Thistle to make everyone immortal.

The party now has a potential means of how to face Thistle. Get to the depths of the dungeon, free the winged lion, and they can take away the magician's power.

In chapter 1, Delgal said his country had been sealed away, not his castle. So even though the castle town is the actual explorable dungeon, the surrounding area is also part of it, but it's not connected to the main dungeon in a euclidean sense.

Since the sixth floor is the underground waterways, the way back in is through a drain in the wall. I bet if they went through the front door of the gate, they'd end up back in the fifth floor instead. And maybe that's how the villagers manage to contact the orcs.

I don't think Yaad will be in a good state the next time we see him.

Marcille's new hairstyle features the hair in the front of her head in a pair of braids hanging in the front, the hair on her sides pulled to the back, spun in a loop, and tied with a ribbon, and the hair on the back of her head left loose.

If Chilchuck's compass doesn't work, then that means something nearby is emitting a magnetic field. Maybe those giant pillars are actually giant electric rods. Hopefully the gold plating that's been stripped off wasn't important. Gold is an excellent electric conductor.

At first, it was funny seeing Izutsumi freak out when she remembered what happened, but it's clear she's traumatized by the experience. She looks like she's about to cry when she calms down.

She wants to get rid of the beast soul in her and be fully human. Being reduced to and treated like an animal and having her humanity stripped away is the most horrific thing that could be done to her.

Kinda curious about what the dwarf symbols mean. Maybe they work similar to how structural pillars are all marked to denote where they are in relation to each other. If so, the dwarf symbols would include cardinal directions.

Even before the reveal, I could tell those weren't Falin's footprints, but rather some large hawk or eagle-like bird. Her feet are far wider, she mostly stands on her toes when walking so her prints should not have the full foot, and the toes are an ananisodactyly arrangement while Falin's toes are in a pamprodactyly arrangement.

Once again, Laios shows us that he sucks at noticing human details but pours over every detail of monsters.

There's likely a proper reason for it, but I like to imagine Senshi's terror over a griffin is a dwarf thing. Like, his burrowing animal instincts are telling him to be terrified that there's a flying predator around, and dwarfs build underground societies to avoid getting snatched by them.

Welp. We lost him. It was nice knowing you Senshi.

back

[palant1r]

my ideas for rewriting fallout 4

So, I've been thinking a lot lately about what writing changes I'd make to Fallout 4. Disclaimer that I've only finished the game once, siding with the minutemen, and I'm currently on a BoS playthrough. And I haven't finished any other Fallout game. So my knowledge is quite limited. But I still have ideas.

(This is gonna be sparse on precise details. I'm going big picture here)

Main problems to fix:

-Main plot is very railroaded, with little influence over how it goes, and lots of plot holes

-Missed potential with companions and NPCs

-Doesn't feel like an RPG. On one hand, it's clear Bethesda wasn't trying to MAKE a full RPG — they wanted to make it more of a first-person shooter exploration game. On the other hand, this is a fucking Fallout game. We're making it an RPG.

-Factions are very one-dimensional

-Little to no meaningful moral choices

GAME MECHANIC CHANGES

We're using the skills, perks and traits system from New Vegas, because different options for using different skills in dialogue is so fucking choice. And yes we're also using the New Vegas dialogue system where you can see what you're saying, there's no percentages, and you get a stupider thing to say if you can't make the check — no more of this four keyword bullshit. Also no more Radiant quests. We never needed those and they suck.

Also the reputation system from New Vegas. So you don't instantly become a faction enemy by shooting a guy once if you've helped them out a lot. (Cute minor detail: becoming friends with Piper increases your Diamond City reputation as she spreads pro sole survivor propaganda)

This reputation system should come with different raider factions. No more generic raiders. You should be able to be chill with the Gunners.

MAIN THEMES

Fallout 4 is set in Boston, arguably the birthplace of America. There's backstory of the Minutemen trying to start a sort of coalition Commonwealth government, which was ruined by the Institute. This is the perfect opportunity for the main plot to center around trying to build a government. How can these disparate factions of the Wasteland be brought together to create a nation? What sacrifices/compromises will you make? Who will you accept as allies, and who will you destroy? So that's one main idea: the creation of a new nation.

The other main idea: technology. What is the right way to use technology to build something new? What are the dangers of technology advancing too fast? How can government ethically use emerging technology to build itself, without misusing it in exercises of power? This meshes well with the synths. Which brings me to...

SYNTHS

Synths are no longer robots per se. They're genetically engineered clones with cybernetic components — pretty sure that's what they're like in canon, but it's made more explicit here. They existed before Shaun's kidnapping, but this resulted in mutations because they were using irradiated DNA, and the Institute was obsessed with creating the perfect human. The Super Mutants are an offshoot of that effort.

So. You start the game. This goes pretty much the same, except Kellog is slightly more fucked up physically — he has some sort of very obvious and distinct mutation, maybe looks a bit like a super mutant. This makes it a lot more plausible that people would recognize him by description alone.

Then things proceed as normal until you meet the minutemen.

THE MINUTEMEN

The Minutemen aren't a disparate collection of settlers + Preston anymore — they're the last remnants of the provisional Commonwealth government. Preston has lost hope that peace in the Wasteland is possible, and is just looking for a safe place to hunker down.

The Minutemen fill a similar role as canon, in that they're a faction who's most compatible with other factions. However, this should be framed as a flaw. Preston believes that stability is the highest good, and is willing to sacrifice other values for that goal.

The Minutemen quests should be less black and white. Each quest to gain a settlement should have a complication. Maybe a settlement leader values their independence, and you can threaten them into joining the Minutemen. Maybe a settlement will only join you if you chase away a nearby band of ghouls — but it turns out those ghouls aren't feral, and have finally found a place to settle down. Do you try to broker peace? Do you chase off the ghouls? Do you chase off the settlers?

Minutemen quests are no longer radiant, and offer opportunities to run across other factions. For example, maybe a settlement wants you help rooting out synths in their community, which brings you in conflict with the railroad. Maybe a settlement has been defending itself with pre-war technology which you can grab the blueprints for and use to defend other settlements, which attracts Brotherhood attention.

The ultimate goal of the Minutemen is to make the Commonwealth into a proper country, or as close as you can get to that in the Wasteland. To that end, they want to bring Diamond City and Goodneighbor into the fold, and get as many factions on board as they can.

Speaking of Diamond City and Goodneighbor...

DIAMOND CITY AND GOODNEIGHBOR

You come across Diamond City and quickly learn that the city used to have a population of ghouls, super mutants, and even synths. However, they were all recently run out of town by Mayor McDonough as a direct result of Piper's journalism pressuring him into taking action to divert suspicion from himself. Piper didn't like that this happened, but refuses at first to acknowledge the harm that her synth fearmongering causes, even though one of the people run out of town was a friend of hers — Nick Valentine, a prototype synth who once looked human but had a mechanical skeleton and brain. His biological parts have since worn away, and he's replaced them with robotic ones.

There are several ways to go from here to find Kellogg. You can track down Nick in Goodneighbor. You can get help from Piper and the information she's been gathering on the Institute. Maybe even the Minutemen will have insight, because Kellogg had a role in the failure of the previous government effort. Whichever way, you find Kellogg, and...

He has no idea who you are or why you're after him.

KELLOGG

Kellogg is, like Nick Valentine, a prototype synth bridging the gap between meat and machine. He seems like a mutated human, but his brain is mostly cybernetic. However, unlike Nick, he wasn't built from the ground up. He started as a normal human. He came across the Institute when he still had a wife and daughter. And in exchange for his skills, the Institute promised him immortality for him and his family. Kellogg didn't realize that what the Institute really wanted was willing subjects for experimentation.

As time went on, though, Kellogg and his family began to deteriorate and mutate. Their cybernetics got side effects. His daughter was unable to properly age. So he jumped at the chance to help acquire better DNA, thinking the Institute would use it to help him and his family.

Once they had Shaun, though, the Institute no longer had need for Kellogg, and they certainly didn't waste their effort using that DNA to save his family. His wife and daughter succumbed to the horror that had been wreaked on their bodies, and Kellogg himself went into hiding. He went to the Railroad, who wiped his memory and gave him a new identity and shelter, where he now lives as a recluse.

When the player finds him, he doesn't know who they are. He has false memories. You are given a choice: do you let the man who killed your wife and is the only lead you have on your son live a peaceful life, forcing you to go far out of your way and do some other shit to find leads? Or do you bring back his memories and make him the murderer he used to be?

There's a third option: you can copy his brain, basically, and upload those memories into Nick in the memory den like you do in canon. But doing this permanently damages Nick, and you have to reckon with Kellogg slowly assimilating into his personality like canon was GOING to do and DIDN'T.

THE RAILROAD

The Railroad is pretty boring in canon. "Slavery Bad" is a noble motivation for a faction, but it doesn't offer a lot of opportunities for interesting moral choices. Moreover, their conflict with the Brotherhood is so laughably forced in canon I can't believe the game shipped like that. But I came up with a simple change that I think makes them better.

They're a bunch of Super Mutants. (With some synths and ghouls sprinkled in)

Due to their lack of bloodlust, they're not exactly welcome in other Super Mutant communities. But they also share the belief that super mutants are the next stage in human evolution. They believe that humanity should be free to evolve into many different forms, and see synths as an extension of this. After all, they say, it's clear that humanity can't progress in the Wasteland by clinging to its current form. They don't seek to destroy the Institute — they seek to take it over, to offer super mutants and synths the ability to make more of their own. This makes them an inherent threat to the stability of the Commonwealth, even though they are sympathetic with a coherent ideology.

There's varying opinions within the Railroad on wiping synths' memories. Some object to it, believing it's unnecessary and dangerous. Some are idealists, believing that synths should have the option to live the normal life that Super Mutants can't — maybe some of the railroad mutants wish they could become human again. (Maybe you even have the option to give them Virgil's serum). Some believe the memory wipes are necessary to cut off the synths' loyalty to the railroad.

(If you take Synth Shaun with you at the end, you can have the Railroad wipe his memory and replace it with memories of you as his father. Fucked up!)

The Railroad keeps records of synths they've relocated. You can access these records, either through gaining their trust or through bein' a little stinker. That's one way to find Kellogg. But the records are scattered and encoded.

So. You've found Kellogg. You've Dealt With Him. You've probably made contact with the Railroad. How do you get into the Institute?

I think there need to be more options for how to do this. But I don't know what they are. We're moving on.

TO THE BROTHERHOOD OF STEEL!!!

When you first meet the Brotherhood in the police station, you quickly learn that they've changed their secluded ways. They've decided that there will be no future society that will need their technology if they don't interfere now, and the Institute, which actually develops technology instead of hoarding it, has lit a fire under their asses. But they've overcorrected and overstretched themselves. Paladin Danse believes it's their duty to secure the Commonwealth to protect its citizens, but acknowledges that they don't have the manpower. Knight Rhys has beef with Elder Maxson, thinking that the Brotherhood needs to focus on securing its existing territory before expanding. And Scribe Haylen?

She's a ghoul. The first in the Brotherhood. She's pre-war, and got her way into the Brotherhood because they saw value in having someone who could actually remember the origin of the technology they seek...and because Paladin Danse vouched for her despite his own hatred of ghouls. That's why she's so loyal to him. Danse still obviously doesn't like ghouls, but trusts Haylen in spite of that.

The Brotherhood storyline I want is a McCarthyism allegory. When they start causing too much trouble for the Institute, the Institute strikes back. But not with Coursers and synths. No, the Institute works in the shadows. They "accidentally" let slip data that shows there are synths planted in whichever factions they're enemies with at that point (which depends on the players' actions, and if you side with the Institute, you help them do this). This includes the reveal that there's a synth in the Brotherhood.

Cue the witchhunt. Everyone's suspicious and paranoid. The Brotherhood can't get anything done, because they're self-cannibalizing due to their synth hatred.

Because the player isn't part of the Brotherhood, Maxson and Danse know that you can't be the synth. So they trust you to root them out. Even if you're not in the brotherhood but you're on good terms with Danse, he asks you to help him. He says that synths are tearing his organization apart, and he can't bear to see his trusted comrades in arms turn against each other like this. (If your speech score is high enough, at this point you can start convincing him that it isn't the existence of synths that's a problem, it's the brotherhood's own attitudes that have led them to this point)

That's right: Maxson doesn't find out Danse is a synth offscreen. You figure it out. Maybe you take that Institute data. Maybe you find out from the railroad. Maybe you get Nick or Piper's help. And then you get to decide what to do with that information. You can keep it to yourself and watch the Brotherhood tear itself apart. You can tell Maxson, initiating a more canon version of Blind Betrayal as Haylen tips Danse off. You can tell Danse...but unless you talk him out of it, he'll reveal his true nature to the Brotherhood, hoping to end the witch hunt. But if Danse is caught, it doesn't stop. Now that one synth is exposed, after all, who's to say there aren't more? To save the Brotherhood, there are a few options. You can kill Danse and convince Maxson there are no more synths. You can expose Danse and make him the new Elder, changing Brotherhood policy on synths. You can lie to the Brotherhood, saying there are no synths after all and the Institute was just starting shit.

If the truth about Danse becomes known, you and the Brotherhood find out that it was the Railroad who wiped Danse's memory and planted him as a junk dealer. If Danse was exposed and killed, this leads to the Brotherhood going after the Railroad, believing it's too risky to leave them around as they could plant synths in the Brotherhood again. If you change the Brotherhood, this is a possible way to ally them with the Railroad, if you can convince them that they should ally with the peaceable faction of their enemies and that their policy of super mutant/synth genocide isn't tenable for maintaining control of an area.

But yeah, Danse's arc is a microcosm of the Brotherhood's arc: blind hatred of the Other is incompatible with their continued existence. In the Wasteland, you either change or you die. Cling to the remnants of the old world, and even if you surround yourself with bunkers and power armor, you will be destroyed from within.

Anyway. That's all I have for now — I'm still thinking about what to do with the Institute, and there are a lot of companions I haven't met, so I don't know what to do with them. But I think this is a good start. Feel free to add your thoughts/questions.

[hollow-prey]

So I keep going through bouts of feeling disconnected from my f/os for seemingly no reason, which really really sucks because it's left me feeling stumped for ideas and kind of numb? for lack of a better word regarding my f/os. In an attempt to remedy this, I'm trying to brainstorm some ways to help me reconnect with my self ships outside of the usual "make playlists/moodboards/crafts/etc." (which are all excellent ideas btw; I'm quite partial to making playlists myself! It's just that in my specific instance, I feel I need something More Powerful):

revisit the source material/any scenes, episodes, videos, chapters etc. involving my f/os. Revisit my favorite moments and remember why I fell in love with them. Always a solid option.

additional option, revisit the source material and liveblog my thoughts and emotions while watching or playing. For video games, I could do like what I did with Jak 1 and 2 and detail my experience with each mission/notable segment in the game and my thoughts on the section as a whole

craft The Lore for my self ships. This can involve creating the backstories for each iteration of my s/i as it pertains to each ship, coming up with backstories for my f/os who don't have one/that we don't know much about, filling in the blanks with details that solely benefit my self ships and the overall indulgence factor, figuring out how they met and why they fell for each other, and any fun extra details that exist just because I want them to/I think they're neat

additionally, rewriting canon to better fit my tastes, detailing all the things I would change or eliminate completely from each of my f/os' sources.

trying to see myself through the eyes of my f/os. Puzzle out what they love about me and why they fell for me.

find prompts and challenges and write quick self ship pieces with them. I think part of my problem is writer's block/stagnation and being understimulated, so some fun writing exercises would probably do me some good

do the self ship powerpoint meme that's been making the rounds lately

find dumb silly old memes that make me chuckle and apply them to my self ships. make posts like "my f/os as troubled birds" or something similar.

[lokiondisneyplus]

Yes, Loki series director Kate Herron knows about your fan theory about the show, the analysis you posted to social media. No, she won’t tell you what she thinks about it, or whether you were right.

“I follow all the conversations on Twitter,” Herron told Polygon in an interview shortly after Loki’s season 1 finale. “I don’t always weigh in on them, because I made the show, so they don’t want me weighing in like, ‘Actually, guys…’ I think that’s the whole point of art — it should be up for debate and discussion.”

[Ed. note: Spoilers ahead for season 1 of Loki.]

Loki has been a hit for streaming service Disney Plus — episode 6 of the show, the final installment for this season, was reportedly watched by more households than any of the platform’s MCU finales to date. The series has been a popular source of fan conjecture and argument, with one particularly big rolling conversation focusing on whether the budding romantic relationship between trickster Asgardian Loki (Tom Hiddleston) and his alternate-universe counterpart Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) is a form of incest.

Herron is willing to speak up about that one. “My interpretation of it is that they’re both Lokis, but they aren’t the same person,” she says. “I don’t see them as being like brother and sister. They have completely different backgrounds […] and I think that’s really important to her character. They sort of have the same role in terms of the universe and destiny, but they won’t make the same decisions.”

Herron says thematically, Loki falling for Sylvie is an exploration of “self-love,” but only in the sense that it’s Loki learning to understand his own motives and integrity. “[The show is] looking at the self and asking ‘What makes us us?’” Herron says. “I mean, look at all the Lokis across the show, they’re all completely different. I think there’s something beautiful about his romantic relationship with Sylvie, but they’re not interchangeable.”

Directing the final kiss between the two characters was a complicated process because it had to communicate something about each of them over the course of just a few seconds. Herron says the primary goal was creating a safe, comfortable environment for Hiddleston and Di Martino, and after that, she had to think about how to bring across Loki and Sylvie’s conflicting goals in that moment.

“It’s an interesting one, right?” she says. “Emotionally, from Sylvie’s perspective, I think it’s a goodbye. But it’s still a buildup of all these feelings. They’ve both grown through each other over the last few episodes. It was important to me that it didn’t feel like a trick, like she was deceiving him. She is obviously doing that, on one hand, but I don’t feel the kiss is any less genuine. I think she’s in a bad place, but her feelings are true.”

Herron says directing Hiddleston in the scene mostly came down to discussing the speech Loki gives Sylvie before the kiss. “That was really important, showing this new place for Loki,” Herron says. “In the first episode, he’s like, ‘I want the throne, I want to rule,’ and by episode 6, he isn’t focused on that selfish want. He just wants her to be okay.”

Loki writer and producer Eric Martin recently tweeted that he wished the show had been able to focus more time on two of its secondary characters, Owen Wilson’s Time Variance Authority agent Mobius M. Mobius, and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s Ravonna Renslayer. “I wanted to explore her more deeply and really see their relationship,” he says, “But covid got in the way and we just didn’t have time.”

Asked if Loki and Sylvie’s relationship suffered from similar necessary edits, Herron says it’s true that the show’s creators and audience still don’t know everything Sylvie went through to make her so different from the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s original version of Loki. “We’ve seen her as a child, but she’s lived for thousands and thousands of years, in apocalypses on the run,” she says. “I think there’s so much more to delve into with Sylvie […] You’re filling in the blanks. You see [her on the planet] Lamentis, and it’s horrific. And you’re like, “Well, what kind of person would she be, growing up in apocalypses? What kind of personality would that give her?”

Herron says Sylvie’s backstory actually reminds her of the 1995 movie Jumanji, where a young boy is sucked into a magical board game in 1969, and emerges 26 years later as a full-grown man, played by with typical manic energy by Robin Williams. “It’s such a weird reference, but…” she says. “He’s a little boy when he ends up captive in that game, and when he comes out, it’s obviously been a life experience. With Sylvie, it’s similar. She was a child when she had to go on the run, so she’s had a very difficult life. I would love to see more of it. As Eric said, she’s a rich character, there’s so much to be explored.”

Herron says, though, that during her time on the show, material about Sylvie was added rather than cut — specifically, those scenes of her as a child, being kidnapped by the TVA. “This was before my time, but I know in the writers’ room, there were lots of avenues exploring Sylvie on the run and what her life was like,” Herron says. “I wouldn’t want to speak more to those, because I wasn’t there when they were being discussed. But something wasn’t in there that was important to me — I felt we should see her [history] in the TVA. Me and the team were talking about how it made complete sense, because episode 4 is all about twisting the idea that the TVA might be good on its head. And so that’s something that came in later, once I joined, was seeing her as a child. I think we needed to see that, not to understand her completely, but to get an idea of her motivations, why she’s so angry at this place.”

Talking more broadly about the series finale, Herron says the last few episodes weren’t as heavily referential as the first episodes, which she intended as “a love letter to sci-fi.” While early images like the TVA’s interrogation rooms had specific visual references from past science fiction, episode 6’s locations were drawn more from collaborations with the crew.

“The idea of the physical timeline being circular, our storyboard artists came up with that,” Herron says. “I had in the scripts, ‘We move through space to the end of time,” and then me and [storyboard artist Darrin Denlinger] discussed how we could play with the idea of time, while also adding MCU nods. He was like, ‘What if the timeline is circular?’ I think that’s such a striking image, like the Citadel at the End of Time is the needle on a record player. I just thought that was such a cool image, but it wasn’t necessarily taken from anything.”

Episode 6 focuses heavily on the mysterious figure He Who Remains and his citadel, a space she says was largely conceived by production designer Kasra Farahani. “I remember he brought in the art of the Citadel, and I thought it was beautiful,” Herron says. “He said, ‘The Citadel has been carved from an actual meteorite,’ which I thought was such an inspired idea. And He Who Remains’ office is the only finished portion of it.”

She says there are only a few direct homages in episode 6, including the zoom shot through space, which directly referenced a similar sequence in Robert Zemeckis’ 1997 film Contact.

“And then I have my Teletubbies reference for episode 5,” Herron says. “I wanted the Void to feel like an overgrown garden, like a kind of forgotten place. And I realized I’d pitched it as the British countryside. I remember trying to explain it to ILM, who did the visual effects, and saying, ‘Oh, you know, it’s like the Teletubbies. It’s just rolling hills, but they go on forever.’ That actually was quite a helpful reference in the end, which is funny.”

Asked for her favorite set memory from shooting the season, Herron says it comes down to Tom Hiddleston starting a mania for physical exertion before takes. “Sometimes he runs around set to get himself in the right mindset before he performs,” she says. “He does pushups. You know, you’re going into an action scene, you want to look like you’ve just been running. And it became infectious across all the cast. We’ve got so much footage of — I think Jack [Veal] ended up doing it, who plays Kid Loki. I’ve got [shots of] him and Sophia doing pushups and squats, just to get ready. It was so funny watching that echo across all the cast. I think all of them ended up doing those exercises with him at some point. It was so funny.”

“That might be my favorite set story, but it’s honestly, not a sweet one,” she adds. “I would say my favorite thing is his enthusiasm. He’s a very kind empathetic person. We were filming this in quite tough circumstances, a lot of people were far from home and isolating, and he brought this warmth and energy and joy to the set every day. And I think that made everyone feel very safe and very bonded. I’m forever grateful to him for doing that.”

[birdsareblooming]

Infinite is connected to Solaris

This is gonna be a long one, strap in.

Infinite, Infinite, Infinite. The most recent in-game villain, and the most powerful in recent history as well. Despite being only around 3 years old, he’s become extremely popular. and half of that is because of the song.

Mephiles, Iblis, and Solaris. Villains over 10 years old that haven’t been used since their original game appearance in Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)

Or... have they?

Now I want to say before all of this, this all could be coincidences, me being delusional, or something otherwise. It is ONLY a theory, but for something as crazy as I’m claiming I need to preface with this for my own sanity. 

But i’m gonna cut the bullshit. You’re here to see how I am going to bs my way to saying that Infinite the Jackal is connected to a dead god from what is regarded as the worst Sonic game. 

And, like most of these, I need to start with some house cleaning, some things you need to understand.

1. Time Eater is Mephiles

You might have seen me meme about this before...

...But yeah that’s exactly the situation.

I had theorized this before I knew Ian Flynn thought the same thing. Their identical color-schemes, almost identical aesthetic, and completely identical power-set. 

Even the name Time-Eater, that was Mephiles, and Solaris’s goal. To eat time. 

2. Ifrit is Iblis

Now i’m going to assume you have two questions

If Time Eater is Mephiles, than where’s his counterpart, Iblis?

Who the fuck is Ifrit

Long and Short, 

But, more importantly, 

Ifrit is what caused Silver’s Future post Sonic 06.

Ifirit was their retcon for keeping Silver’s future the way it is (even though they defeat it at the end of sonic rivals 2, causing the future to not be that way, hence why Silver was 3 conflicting backstories. Thanks guys.)

So, when it comes to fire demon that destroys the world and causes the future that Silver the hedgehog lives in, that’s a good amount of evidence already, especially with the preface that Mephiles is alive in the form of Time-Eater. If Mephiles was reborn, why wouldn’t also Iblis? and Ifirit is so uncannily similar theres no other candidate. 

also, might I add:

(thanks @zorloser​)

For you who don’t know, Ifrit’s story ended being re-trapped in it’s pocket dimension with Eggman Nega. 

3. The Phantom Ruby

The Phantom Ruby... Oh, the Phantom Ruby.

A very new addition to Sonic, and yet very important. It was the leading mcguffin of two games, and is made out to be very powerful. 

yes I know that’s a lot up there, but you need to understand the Phantom Ruby to fully understand this theory. 

It’s also very important that Eggman didn’t create the Phantom Ruby as he claims. He created Infinite, not the stone attached to him. Despite there being prototypes, which does confuse me, but from what info we’re given from the wiki the Phantom Ruby seems to have come from Classic Sonic’s universe, even retreating there after the events of Forces. This is also confirmed in Episode Shadow:

Although, Eggman did name it, seemingly on a whim.

~Tangent Time~

Despite being CALLED a Ruby by Eggman, the Phantom Ruby doesn't LOOK like a ruby, despite being magenta.

Rubies CAN be dark even to the point of being Black, but never connected. They’re usually just one shade.

(And don’t you dare say “The chaos emeralds don’t look like emeralds bc they’re not green. They’re all TECHNICALLY emeralds, they’re part of the beryl family, and even if only green beryls are called emeralds, they are all the exact shades of beryl.)

But what the Phantom Ruby DOES look like, is obsidian. 

note this for later.

4. Infinite

For those who don’t fully know Infinite’s backstory, it’s expanded upon on the wiki and Rise of Infinite 

Now that we’re all on the same page, lets continue to him now. 

Lovingly referred to as the “Masked Clown.” Infinite goes about the entirety of Sonic Forces revealing nothing of himself, the only things we know about him are from Episode Shadow and Rise of Infinite. We don’t even see his real face in-game. 

Although we have enough to know that his personality changed post Phantom Ruby, it’s even mentioned on the Wiki. Although how much of that change was spurred on by being beat up by a 15 year old, we’ll probably never know. 

Although his goal has always been the same. Starting the planet over as a desolate wasteland. What a fun dude to be around. Probably the life of the party.

5. Connections

(i’m using Mephiles and Time-Eater intermittently, same with Iblis and Ifrit.) 

Alright, now we’re all on the same page. Let’s move on.

I’m going to play a game we’ve played before. I’m going to name something about Infinite or the Phantom Ruby, and add something that’s eerily simmilar to Solaris (Mephiles + Iblis)

All of this Info can be found on the Sonic Wiki

Phantom Ruby: -It is an interdimensional gemstone of incredible power- Ifrit: It is an interdimensional, demonic fire-creature of incredible power- (wow those are, the same description huh)

Infinite: -After Infinite's fusion with the finalized Phantom Ruby prototype, he acquired the ability to generate, destroy, and manipulate virtual realities, which he could turn into virtual reality projections to interact with reality.[32] Said virtual realities are illusions, which Infinite creates by exercising control of one's visual and depth perception by feeding the brain false information- Ifrit: -Described as capable of binding one's soul, the Ifrit can enslave others with powerful mind control powers.- -Ifrit, which manages to use some kind of mind control on Sonic and/or Tails (or Knuckles and/or Rouge, depending on which team the player is controlling), but is defeated by the other teams, and is destroyed.-

Infinite: -Infinite's newfound strength proved so great that he was able to effortlessly defeat figures like E-123 Omega and Silver the Hedgehog, and ultimately best even Sonic the Hedgehog twice. He was even able to single-handedly overwhelm the entire Resistance army during Operation Big Wave. His power was such that not even the Miles Electric was able to give an accurate reading of his capabilities.[31] Time Eater: -the Time Eater has demonstrated immense super strength; even in its incomplete form, it easily knocked Modern Sonic and Classic Sonic unconscious with a single hit. After being completed, the Time Eater was able to effortlessly repel both Classic and Modern Sonic's and knock them out using brute force alone-

Phantom Ruby:  Its powers can also warp the fabric of space-time,[1] allowing it to create pocket dimensions such as Egg Reverie Zone and Null Space, as well as teleport entities from place to place. When used alongside the Chaos Emeralds' time-space powers, it transported Classic Sonic and itself to another dimension, and later sucked Dr. Eggman into a rift- Time Eater: Its signature skill however, is creating "Time Holes",[8] spacial rifts that lead to any point across time and space, including alternate timelines and across different dimensions.

Infinite: When everything you know has come and gone (You are at your lowest, I am rising higher) Only scars remain of who I was (What I find in the ashes, you lose in the fire) When there's no one left to carry on (This is an illusion, open up your eyes and...) This pain persists, I can't resist But that's what it takes to be infinite Solaris: -Much like his two halves, Iblis and Mephiles, Solaris is immortal and virtually indestructible.- -As a transcendent life form, Solaris possesses a unique state of existence that lets him exist in the past, present and future simultaneously, making him omnipresent throughout time and virtually impossible to defeat unless he is attacked simultaneously in all eras-

Possible reach:

Phantom Ruby:

Solaris:

(I’m refering to the odd red-stone in the middle, also that the wings somewhat resemble Infinite’s sword.)

~Tangent Time~

remember the first tangent? Where I meantioned that the Phantom “Ruby” looked more like obsidian than a ruby?

Well someone else looks like a certain type of obsidian, Snowflake Obsidian to be exact:

Alright Reaching time over. 

Now you might have noticed that the Ifrit-Infinite connections seemed to fit just a bit more-Maybe it was just me- even down to the Phantom Ruby and Ifrit’s OPENING DESCRIPTION being almost copy/paste, which i’m still amazed at.

This get’s to the next part of my theory.

6. Where are they (Mephiles/Iblis) now?

Welcome to~ where are they now!

Mephiles, or Time-Eater, So far is undocumented. It’s said they were “Destoryed” at the end of Sonic Generations, but for all we know it was just the machine additions, and Mephiles was “destoryed” over 10 years ago and he started kicking again.

Iblis, or Ifrit, was locked in it’s own pocket dimention along with Nega, and hasn’t been seen since...or have they?

haha that’s a callback! Do you remember the beginning of this post or is it too mindbogglingly long for your brain to comprehend in one sitting? 

7. The Phantom Ruby is Iblis/Ifrit

let’s talk about the power set of the Phantom Ruby. Interdimentional, very powerful, capable of some kind of mind fuckery.

Ifrit is, Interdimentional, very powerful, capable of some kind of mind fuckery, immortal and is constantly on fire,

You may be wondering about this “Fire” thing. “Solaris was a sun god and infinite has no connection-” WRONG! 

sorry that was forceful.

Infinite used a very specific and strange method to destroy the planet. He made an illusion of the sun, and set it on the planet. Out of all the methods, and interesting choice to be sure. But not for a sun god.

also: “What I find in the ashes, you lose in the fire”

“What are you saying you dumb bitch?” You might be thinking. First of all, rude, second of all, I’m saying that the power inside the Phantom Ruby IS Iblis/Ifrit, hence their connection.

Before I get to timeline and other stuff, some minor things:

The decision to have Infinite take on specifically Silver, and showing Silver being able to withstand a fight against him for a good amount of time, as well as giving them a minor repertoire, which no other seemingly “unconnected” Resistance Fighters get. 

the name “Infinite” fitting the naming scheme if “Iblis and Ifrit” and you know how this franchise is about naming schemes.

Now, where we last left Ifrit he was trapped in a pocket dimension with Nega. 

Where we first find the Phantom Ruby is “In Sonic Mania, the Phantom Ruby appeared on Angel Island after a dimensional breach occurred in the atmosphere.” (via sonic wiki)

Now, it is kinda hard to connect those two lines, but the dimensional causation is there. 

(I could add an ENTIRE subsection of me trying to connected Mephiles to the time-traveling nature of Little Planet, therefore connecting Solaris to Classic Sonic’s world ((and “fun is infinite)) but this theory doesn’t need to be any longer and I cannot physically do any more research.) 

it’s possible Ifrit would be trapped, Mephiles was trapped in the Scepter of Darkness, so it’s more possible than impossible. 

But, Imma be fully honest with you guys, Most of this is because of the song.

If you haven’t heard “Infinite”, What is wrong with you. Go listen to it. Oh my god. 

But, some of the lyrics, don’t totally make sense knowing Infinite’s backstory. But it makes more sense seeing through the lens of the added Ifrit influence.

“And after all this time you're back for more“ (If talking about Shadow, it wasn’t a “long time” inbetween Infinite’s defeat and his rise. And Infinite has no stated relationship with Sonic. However, Solaris and subsequently, Iblis, do.) “When everything you know has come and gone“ “But that's what it takes to be infinite“

Even the name “Infinite.”

He chose that name after fusing to the Phantom Ruby and “ABAndoNiNg hIS pAsT SeLf” 

But, the Phantom Ruby has no connotations of immortality. None specified. it’s possible it’s power could be used to trick the user into immortality, but it’s never specified. You’d think he’d be called “Phantom” or, even, “Zero” (his working-and possibly true-name) But no. Infinite.

Now, think back to the connections earlier, and the info I took from Solaris’s wiki.

“Omnipresent throughout time and space”

Sounds pretty “Infinite” to me.

Am I saying Infinite is the new Iblis Trigger? Yes.

Ok my fingers hurt from writing this sorry it’s so long 

bye

[cotncandyboifics]

A Lovely Night: Chapter 1

AO3 Link

Masterpost

Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6

Pairing(s): pre-established roceit & prinxiety, anaroceit, eventual anaroloceit, eventual intruality

Word count: ~900

Story summary: Roman's boyfriends had had a rivalry since before either of them had actually met Roman. Running a bit late to a date night, Roman accidentally gets them to start dating too.

General CW: non-detailed description of an anxiety attack, non-detailed description of physical pain, food, kissing, potentially triggering descriptions of physical bodies, swearing, caps lock, school settings, s-xual innuendos, slight description of gore(imagery), vague descriptions of anxiety, Implications of an eating disorder, fatigue, dissociation, suppression of stimming, implied heavy restriction (ED), inner monologue-style anxiety description, eating,(will be added to as I write more)

Chapter CW: non-detailed description of an anxiety attack, non-detailed description of physical pain, very brief food mention, vague school setting, (let me know if i missed anything please!)

Author notes: this chapter is basically serving simply as exposition/backstory. The contents of Chapter 2 are what I originally got the idea for.

...

Roman's boyfriends had had a rivalry since before either of them had actually met Roman. The two had met in middle school, and had competed against each other passionately in the oddest and strangest ways ever since. They often got into hissing matches (or as Janus' brother Patton called them, hissy fits) with each other when either of them got ruffled up enough. But despite the fact that their relationship was entirely competitive, Janus and Virgil never meant any ill will towards each other.

Once, in his chunky black platforms, Virgil accidentally stomped directly on Janus' foot. Janus had sucked in a breath through his teeth, immediately recoiling his foot. Virgil just watched for a moment as Janus sat, cradling his foot and wincing, before opening his lunch pack and fishing around rather feverishly. He chucked an ice pack next to where Janus sat on a stair, and quickly turned to pace off to his next class. He didn't want to see Janus' reaction; that was too scary, but he felt bad for stepping on his friend's foot.

A year later, Janus happened upon Virgil having an anxiety attack.

He had his arms wrapped around his ribcage, squeezing out each of his huffing breaths, as he sat cowering against the wall of the main school building. Janus knew enough about anxiety attacks - his brother Patton got them too - so he quickly changed his course to approach Virgil cautiously. Virgil was huffing sobs at this point, and Janus knew he needed to act fast.

He sat beside Virgil and brought an arm around him. When Virgil didn't react, Janus scooped him up entirely and sat him in his lap, wrapping his arms around him protectively and beginning to whisper sweet nothings to him in a very low and calming voice.

"You're safe, Virgil, you're safe. I've got you."

After about twenty minutes, three attempts at a grounding exercise, and a struggle to copy Janus' breathing, Virgil was okay again.

He made to ask Janus how he'd known what to do, but Janus just scooped Virgil back out of his lap, handed him a large bottle of water and an apple from a concealed pocket in his jacket, and turned to leave without a word. Virgil'd take the secret to his grave that he'd genuinely smiled while drinking the water and eating the apple, steeling himself for his next class.

Freshman year, Virgil and Janus met their soon-to-be boyfriend Roman for the first time. He'd come from a different middle school, and he was immediately drawn to Janus and Virgil as much as they were drawn to him.

Virgil and Janus had never before spent time together outside of school or recess or waiting for their parents to pick them up, (which on one rainy day resulted in two completely and utterly soaked teenagers continually daring each other to make "snow" angels in large puddles) but as they both grew closer to Roman, Roman began inviting them both out and to his house to "hang out".

It took just a few months for Roman to confess his feelings for the two of them in an extremely dramatic fashion, involving him supplying lots of flowers and lots of tears. He confessed to both Virgil and Janus together, and to Roman's great confusion, Virgil and Janus claimed stubbornly to have zero romantic feelings for each other. Regardless, they all agreed to a polyamorous relationship, so that Roman and Virgil could be with each other, Janus and Roman could be with each other, and Virgil and Janus could maintain their odd friendship.

Things bloomed from there, and Janus and Virgil began spending even more unusually significant amounts of time with each other, since Roman usually took them both out on dates simultaneously. On rare occasions, they'd go out individually, but the three of them spending time together created an energy that was always undeniably fun. By the time they reached their Junior year, it began to go without saying that any date Janus or Virgil planned to take Roman on would also include Roman's other boyfriend.

This was all going rather lovely, in both Janus and Virgil's opinion. Except for one tiny problem.

Completely and utterly unbeknownst to each other, they'd both developed a massive crush on the other over the years. And one would think that this would be a simple resolution, since they and their boyfriend were polyamorous and Roman had, in fact, expected them to each be in love with the other when they'd first started dating him (and Roman had mentioned amply that if they were to "finally admit" their feelings, that he'd be more than ecstatic for his boyfriends to get together with each other). However, they would both bet their mother's entire right arm that the other didn't reciprocate these feelings. And both were, in full honesty, quite fearful that any sort of admission of their feelings would shatter the dynamic the three had. Hurting Roman or each other was the last thing either of them wanted to do.

And so, they both hopelessly pined. Blissful, almost-perfect months filled with romantic antics passed.

But one day, by an imperfectly-perfect quick change of plans, everything flipped like a pancake.

[jedidragonwarriorqueen]

Despite this weekend being shorter than usual, it was still a pretty great one! I planned to do absolutely nothing my entire Saturday (I even went grocery shopping after work on Friday so this was possible), and it was just the break I needed! I did end up doing some productive things, but that was because I wanted to and not because I felt I had to/should do them, and I did plenty of fooling around like watching youtube videos on the couch and doodling. Today I had plenty of energy for basic cleaning, prep for the week ahead, and working on hobbies. I really hope the good vibes follow me throughout the week, because last week was a mess! 😑

May Bucket List:

Go for a run twice a week (at least). I’ve been trying to get back into running since college but haven’t had much success, first because I worked night shift and then I worked day shift with some nights on call (and boy howdy would that throw me off.) Now that I don’t have to flip my sleep schedule at all and the weather is improving, I’m going to give it another shot!

Do yoga twice a week (at least). Ideally on non-running days; there are certain days I almost certainly won’t have the energy to run after work, but winding down with yoga might be doable.

Spend three hours every weekend deep-cleaning the apartment. Planning to do an entire room each weekend was a bit much 😅 I think a time goal is much more reasonable, and I’m less likely to psych myself out. And I can split it up over the course of the weekend or do it all at once. 

No coffee until after breakfast. As much as I enjoy my mug of coffee first thing in the morning to start the day off, I finally grudgingly admitted the acidity and appetite-suppressing properties of coffee probably was not helping my appetite issues and food habits. So......coffee is now a mid-morning thing.  

Writing at least an hour a week, with at least half an hour being actual drafting. Worldbuilding and outlining and creating backstory is still writing and are important components, but one of my goals this month is to not get completely sucked in to that aspect at the detriment of the actual story writing (since I sadly have limited time and spoons for writing.)

Have most of a suit assembled by the end of the month. I have two cousins getting married this summer, and I want to wear a suit to at least one of the weddings. I’ve done a little research as to how someone, particularly someone with feminine curves, goes about getting a suit (right now I’m thinking shopping at thrift and department stores and then getting it tailored), but I really need to get the ball rolling if I want to wear it to the first wedding at the end of June.

I signed up for a exercise class at the end of the month (the earliest one that worked with my schedule), and I’m super excited! Part of the reason for my exercise goals this month are so I hopefully won’t be completely out of shape going into it 🤣 This week most days are projected to get into the 50s with a few 60s Fahrenheit, and I’m looking forward to hopefully being able to open my windows after work most days. Hope everyone has a great month!!

[thrillingdetectivetales]

2020 Creator Wrap

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

Okay, okay, I know I’m late with this but the incredibly sweet @irolltwenties and the utterly delightful @anthrobrat were both kind enough to me in this bad boy and it seems really fun, so here we are!

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

According to my AO3 statistics page, I wrote just over 100K of fiction this year, across 17 different fandoms, a few of which won’t actually go live until after the New Year because they’re part of a gifting collection that hasn’t been revealed yet... Anyway, I picked my faves for a variety of reasons, listed briefly after each link. If you have any questions about works I’ve shared (or just in general) feel free to ask!

1. Front Row at the Gongshow

The Pacific, 16K, Rated G  Andrew ‘Ack Ack’ Haldane/Edward ‘Hillbilly’ Jones

Aside from being the longest completed work I produced this year, this is also the first fic I’ve ever written using the “found document” format. While there are parts of it I feel really conflicted about, I’m still incredibly proud of it and think it’s one of the better fic I’ve written...possibly ever. Which is doubly funny because I don’t usually do modern AUs of period fiction, but the hockey angle was enough to tempt and lo, here we are, lol.

[Excerpt from Deadspin]

"You all remember Eddie Jones, right? The corn-fed captain of the New Orleans Rougarou so wholesome he belongs on a box of Malt-O-Meal? The gentleman bruiser who spends his free time playing country tunes for kids with cancer?

Our favorite dapper D-man led his team to 97 points last night in a shut-out victory against the Los Angeles Kings, clinching a playoff spot for the first time in franchise history. Oh! And he also got caught on camera at the after-party, sucking face. WITH A DUDE."

2. Entremets

Hannibal, 8K, Rated E Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

I have...so many Hannibal fic that I’ve started writing and haven’t finished because all my ideas lead to long plotty epics and also big name fandoms scare me. I did this one up for Eat, Drink, & Make Merry, and I’m really, really pleased with the way it turned out, considering it was my first foray into establishing new character voices and also a successful exercise in writing explicit content, which can be a bit of an Ordeal for me, so overall I’m incredibly happy with it. Plus! My deep and abiding love of writing characters cooking/eating/otherwise dealing with food finally paid off!

“The pâté was supposed to be more of a gesture,” Will explains, spreading a golden sliver of honeycomb out across a slice of sopressata with the blade of his pocket knife. “You don’t actually have to eat it. I’m not even sure if it’s any good.” He smears a healthy dollop of chȇvre across his meat-and-honey concoction and pops the whole thing into his mouth without ceremony.

“What better method exists by which to convey one’s appreciation of a gesture than to indulge it?”

3. An Ode to Matty Big-Time

The Good Place, 2K, Rated T Jason Mendoza/Original Male Characters, Pillboi

This one was actually a request made by my very dear @thesummoningdark, who wanted to see some bisexual Jason per that one fantastic Tumblr post about how everyone in TGP should be bi, and I’m really, really proud of the way it turned out. I love writing comedy and I very rarely get to lean into it as hard as I’d like, so delving into the whole wild craziness of Jacksonville, as explained in the show was really fun. I also love writing original characters, and this was a great excuse to indulge.

“We probably shouldn’t do any butt stuff,” Jason warns, with as much gravitas as he can muster. “I had two of Stupid Nick’s Disaster Buckets when I got here.”

“Yeah, your face is still kinda orange,” Mateo agrees fondly, bringing his other hand up to brush his thumb over Jason’s lower lip. It stirs a little frisson of heat in his belly that Jason is 68% sure isn’t just indigestion. “No chemical burns, though, so I think you came out on top.”

4. This and Who I Used to Be

The Tick (2017), 3K, Rated G Arthur Everest/Superian

Another new fandom I haven’t written in before, this was a fill for the Rare Male Slash Exchange that turned me on to a pairing I’d never even thought of before I wrote it and am now low-key obsessed with. It is also, to date, the ONLY Arthur/Superian fic on AO3 at all, which is a cool weird honor and fairly indicative of my life’s goal to eventually write my way into smaller and smaller fandoms until I come out the other side with original works. It was really fun to explore these characters, and to figure out some world-building for Superian’s backstory that fit within the tone and established canon of the extant Amazon!Tick universe. Also featuring an original character that nobody asked for but I’ve come to love unconditionally.

Arthur glances down to where Superian has one cheek pressed against his shoulder, humming something off-key and unintelligible with his eyes closed. Arthur sighs. “Let’s get you inside.”

He hauls Superian in until he can prop him against the wall while he shuts and locks the door behind him. When he looks back over, Superian is smiling at him, soft and lazy. He swings a finger in Arthur’s direction, a broad, sloppy motion, and announces, “I knew you’d say yes.”

“Technically I said fine,” Arthur rebuts. He gestures down the hallway toward the kitchen—which leads on to the bedroom, as Superian well knows—and sighs, “Come on. I don’t know what those handcuffs did to you, but you should probably lie down and have a glass of water or something.”

5. Rain in Its Season

Band of Brothers, 12K, Rated G Edward ‘Babe’ Heffron/John Julian

Oh boy. What to say about this one. It’s maybe not as polished as I might have preferred, but I feel that way about mostly everything I write and at the end of the day I do really love what I managed to do with this piece. Written for the Heavy Artillery Rare Pair Exchange, I managed to lean heavily into both my love for needlessly granular period research and original characters, which are abundant herein. Frankly, based on the very little we see of him in the show, Julian himself is practically an OC, but I digress. This was another of the longer pieces I’ve ever finished and I’m proud of it even if I’d’ve liked to write another 15K or so, time constraints notwithstanding.

“Tell me. Please. Why’re you here?”

Babe flinched, gaze dropping to the floor. His heart was a raw, swollen welt in his chest. He swallowed and licked his lips, slow and pained.

“Come on, Julian,” he rasped, low and quiet. “You know why.” He laughed, soft and hoarse, and shook his head, once. When he looked back up, Julian had taken a careful step into the center of the room. His eyes were very dark, his mouth very red, hope and fear warring in his every feature. Babe fisted his fingers in the cotton sheet underneath him, halfway to pleading as he insisted, “You gotta know.”

Julian sighed and came over to hover at the edge of the bed. Babe spread his legs to accommodate the intrusion.

“That was - ” Julian started. His voice failed midway through the protest, and he swallowed, took a breath, and regrouped at a lower volume. “You said that was just buddies, what we did over there. That it didn’t count. That you didn’t want it to.”

The TL;DR of this all being that while I didn’t write as much I wanted to this year in terms of volume, I feel like my quality has been improving consistently and hope it continues to do so into 2021 while I try to finish out some of my years-long WIPs and get into longer completed pieces.

I’m not sure who all to tag, so I’ll say @thesummoningdark, @blahblahblahclintnickiscanon, @thisbadge, @incognito-insomniac, and anyone else who’d like to join in and hasn’t been tagged yet! (If you’re the latter, feel free to @ me so I can see what you’ve written!)

Happy New Year everyone May the fanworks you create this year be prolific and soul-affirming!

[whoslaurapalmer]

i do not MEAN to make individual posts because i like to collect all my thoughts at the end of watching for the day but i’m just having a million thoughts each episode now and i don’t want the posts to be super long but anyway here’s 12 and 13

-ep 12 was me exercising in my room and being HEARTBROKEN -utena trying to be “normal” :(((((( -but also. that’s the thing like what is normal for utena? being influenced by the prince and living up to the ideal she created for herself in her head based off of him is really what her normal is and that sort of normal isn’t ideal either and she has to fight for anthy to get it back which was something she initially didn’t want to do anyway  -wakaba is still an angel and i still love her!!!!

-okay. wait. hold on. so touga’s just. sitting there after losing  -just. sitting. there  -listening to the tape............ -brief shout out to my phone, which initially autocorreted ‘touga’ to ‘toucan’ 

-i was thinking about the repetition present in the show, not only utena’s backstory and climbing the staircase and the student council but also the shadow girls commentating and their intro/exit stills  -1) it’s a cycle! it’s happening again! 2) you know when people tell stories and the repetition of certain things helps with remembering it and telling it over and over and over again  -hold on the writing brain is racing. every time you tell a story, does it happen again? is it always happening?  -but of course you’re watching a story!  -mm, something something.  -also anthy’s thoughts during the second fight with touga........

-it’s akio time now and Once Again I Am Concerned  -i know part of your game bro and i’m not looking forward to watching this play out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  -i might watch a few more episodes later but i’m not sure bc the past two nights i have and i know when i am getting My Soul Sucked Into Something and i should perhaps do something else tonight also i don’t want to go through the show too fast but also it’s 39 episodes i still have 26 more i should not worry  -nope i’ll probably watch it later too. 

[pythosart]

A BUNCH OF LOUS Some demonic force possessed me to try and make a guide to all 700 of my AU Lous.  My brain is too busted to let me pay attention to my other ocs so I guess all 3% of my creative energy capacity goes toward iterating on this one. And guess what, I cherish them ALL Short bios/AU explanation under the cut (oops it’s long)

ORIGINAL FLAVOR BLADES LOU: Lou as initially designed, though some aspects of their backstory and personality changed as I got to know them through roleplay. Halfway through the story they took a kinda edgy turn and got deeper into cult stuff and afflicted with a worsening vampiric condition. Right before we ended the game for good, they had just died and come back as a full on, undead vampire.

Fae AU: The first AU, that kinda started it all. Stemmed from a cultist dream thing in Blades, where Lou was the prey in an Erlking-style nightly hunt. In the fae version, they’re a sylph changeling and the only child of a fading fae queen. Their arc in this deals with them struggling with their humanity and nearly succumbing to the soul-sucking influence of their mother, before ultimately restoring her “humanity” and saving themself THROUGH THE POWER OF LOVE Cult AU: Kinda started as a Blades offshoot, coulda shoulda woulda AU where we play with ideas we wish we could have tackled in the game. Quickly became its own thing, set actually on Earth in the Prohibition era (but low magic urban fantasy) Lou is French and was rescued from the middle of a WWI battlefield by Aphotis, a goddess whose own cult had just been massacred. She was as desperate for a believer to sustain her as toddler Lou was to not die. They escaped to America as refugees and Aphotis raised them as her own, and as her caretaker and dirty-work-doer in her quest to regain power. Along the way, Lou was (perhaps intentionally) introduced to an infectious piece of a primordial god, that gave them some shapeshifting abilities at the cost of rapidly draining the life from them and twisting them. Aphotis works to keep them alive, while keeping a memory-wiped copy of them (created by this parasitic god piece) around to do her bidding. This isn’t two instances of Lou, it’s one Lou with two bodies. Same person. My personal story borrows a lot from this AU as well as my character Esther’s old story Mary Sue AU: Initially a joke exercise to write intentionally terrible fanfic (as if Dom were writing about their friends in Blades) that of course became its own thing. Lou is obviously a vampire, with most of the traditional vampire rules and weaknesses. Their Tragic Past gimmick is that they were staked in the heart while still living, as bait for their vampire queen mother. It worked, she turned them postmortem, and as a result they are much weaker than a typical vampire. They also suffer a curse to stay within the bounds of their family’s ancestral castle, which has since become a prestigious university. They also become a fluffy black cat-bat thing either at will or when too weak to sustain a full sized body. Their line of vampires usually turns into cats, but Lou is a fuckup Pirates AU: Pretty straightforward. Lou is called June in this one, and is the mutinous first mate of Captain Inkblood (Cookie), who totally does it for attention. Their secret is that they became a pirate to dodge student loan debt. Stayhome AU: “Blades, but what if the formative incident for your character never happened” Lou never gets caught by the Governor’s program to round up street urchins and send them to work-school, and instead ends up working on a shrimp boat. They never develop the world-weariness and scheming nature of canon Lou, instead devoting their intellect to learning everything about shrimp, shrimping, and shrimp boats. Insert Forrest Gump scene. Eventually their crew gets captured and ransomed by pirates, but no one ever pays up for Lou, and they end up pretty happily living with the pirate crew Western AU: Gee I wonder why this big city doctor picked up and moved all the way out here to the frontier, it couldn’t possibly be because they’re running from the law. Narrator voice: They Were. Lou is a terribly unethical doctor with a reputation for experimenting on patients, and a taste for arson. After getting chased out of town and blacklisted all over the west, they find themself joining an outlaw band, as their doctor. Here, they start to learn compassion and humanity and not being a total bastard... ...until they somewhat accidentally burn a particular bounty hunter’s face off with a firebomb, and she carves them up in return. From here on, their arc is a test of their learned compassion and breaking a cycle of bloody revenge. Horror AU: Starts off as a classic summer slasher movie, with Lou as a college student with a bunch of shitty “friends” destroying a campground and partying until they draw the local monster’s ire. The monster (Dom) kills several of them, kidnaps Lou after Lou hides their fear behind sass and clearly isn’t like the destructive campers. Lou learns more about the monster and even starts to warm up to them, especially after discovering they can boss the monster around. Lou successfully escapes but runs right into a horror swamp where a nasty worm zombie pukes worms into their mouth and infests them. As the infestation progresses and nearly kills them a few times, Lou learns that the worms are intelligent and actually adore their host, and also that they can be bribed. By the end of their arc, Lou has mostly achieved symbiosis with their worms and avoided becoming a zombie,. They eventually must face off against the monsterified Queen of the Preps, Tiffany, who was similarly infested but never achieved that symbiosis. Minecraft AU, no really: Lou was a skilled tailor, and a total workaholic. Their ambition netted them a contract for a huge order of clothing for a duchess’s wedding on an extremely tight deadline, and Lou, knowing this could make them for the rest of their life, poured everything into it. They worked themself literally to death, dying of sleep deprivation. Distraught, this unfinished business drove them to make a devil deal of sorts to keep working, and they were granted this undeath, for a price. They slowly became more and more like a Phantom as they worked, never sleeping, and feeding on the dreams of those who do sleep. By the time they finished and emerged to present their achievement, they were monstrous and were chased out of town. From then on, they had lost their passion for their craft, and wandered the wilderness, sneaking into towns at night to feed on dreams, and fighting to retain their humanity as they become more and more phantom-like. Anyway I love this one so much I might make them their own non-minecraft character LotR AU: Lou is a hobbit, entrusted with the destruction of a certain magic ring. Unfortunately, they are much more corruptible than one Frodo, and early on abandon their fellowship, driven by paranoia the Ring has been growing within them. They run into a feral Mirkwood elf raised by giant spiders, and a giant orc raised by a Beorning farmer, and the three of them embark on a weird little Ring Quest of their own. TBC AU: Lou is a quiet, social outsider high schooler, with a bitter hatred for bullies and a knack for really disproportionately nasty “pranks” directed at said bullies. Too smart for their own good and with a taste for theft, Lou is a straight-A student who has been arrested for carjacking before. They end up as part of the Blackout Club after discovering their adoptive mother’s involvement with the Chorus, and out of sheer curiosity about the secret goings-on under the town. And in no small part for free run to break into houses and smear chili oil on the hands of sleepers who inconvenience them, because Lou is a bastard and has yet to learn empathy. Which, as usual, is kinda their arc here. Make friends for the first time in their life, learn empathy, get sucked into the orbit of a fairly nasty god/Voice, classic Lou stuff AND THAT’S ABOUT IT

[the-storyteller-and-her-soldiers]

An Actual FFXV S/I!

Believe it or not but I do enjoy inserting myself into the universes of my f/os! The only thing is they’re fighters, soldiers if you will, and I’m not. I can’t even really picture myself as one since that’s not who I am and that SUCKS when I’m trying to read inserts and they’re like “Oh you met F/O in a battle, you spar together as dates, etc...” because no, I AM A SMALL SQUISHY BEAN! I don’t even run unless I have to or I want to...

But anyways I’ve finally figured out a way to insert myself into FFXV! This takes place around FFXV: Brotherhood Here we go! Picrew: [Here] 

Name: Rebecca Grace Stinheart Nickname: Becca or Ms. Grace (in semi-professional settings) Age: 18 Occupation: Full-time student part time paper writer Clothing Style:  Wears anything from a classic oversized hoodie and jeans to flowy dresses covered in lace. It really just depends on what she feels like on a certain day. Where To Find Her: If it’s any time between 3pm and 7am you can usually find her in her little corner of the castle either typing up homework of her own, royal documents, or sleeping at her keyboard since it’s become more of her home than where her family is. Otherwise she’s at school or out and about with personal friends of hers. She may take breaks in the gardens or where the Crownsguard members train to do yoga or exercises that her Physical Therapist recommends.

Backstory: “Are you a college student stuck with a term paper or a person in business who needs to create a proper presentation? Well, whatever your position may be if writing is what worries you, then leave it to me! I’m more than happy to make essays exuberant and speeches truly spectacular, for a fee, of course!”

This was a snippet of the advert that Rebecca had posted online in order to earn some quick cash after a friend insisted that they pay her for helping with an English essay that they had. Writing was what she was good at and hoped to make a career with, so she figured why not dip her toes in the career pool even if it was under the table. She needed some way to keep the lights on since she couldn’t trust her parents to do so. 

Sure, ghostwriting for other’s grades wasn’t the most credible, but there was a market for it and she knew it. Even if she just took on the role of a tutor to help the client with details and staying on task, she didn’t care as long as she got a good ten to twenty bucks for turning a few notes into five pages. 

She knew of the royal family, heard of the popular Crownsguard, and even saw prince Noctis in school since he was a grade or two above her; but none of that ever interested her. Politics were politics and the system they had created never helped her or her family. But little did she knew that her work spread quickly by word of mouth to those she’d never dream to meet. 

She had ended up writing a few essays for a sunshine boy both in hair color and personality named Prompto. He was sweet, compliant in giving her the material needed, and paid well enough. Her work got him A’s in his classes and one B+ since the teacher was a stickler, but after that they seemingly parted ways. That is until a few weeks later when this happy-go-lucky guy came back and introduced her to his good pal Noct.

She was surprised but not unwilling to take his work! This could be what she needed to really get herself out there, not to mention that she could make enough money from this one job than she could in a month of jobs... If she played her cards right. As she told the two young men straight up, “I’m a miracle worker, not a charity case.”

And a miracle worker she seemingly was since the prince’s grades perked up and he became quite the regular to her business. That is until a slightly older, spectacled royal advisor named Ignis caught wind of their trades and stopped it with a light scolding to the prince. Yet to Rebecca he proposed that instead of writing as a ghost, they make things official. Rebecca should become Noctis’ royal tutor and speech writer when the advisor had to tend to other matters. Not only would that give her the credibility she wanted, but she’d receive a much more stable paycheck since she’d be a part of the royal staff.

So she took the job and with how much she was helping the prince and growing friendly with him and his friends, it wasn’t long until she met the other royals and castle staff. Though just like her original business, word of mouth spread quickly and if the matter wasn’t too sensitive but had to do with writing, Rebecca was the one castle staff would go to. This was because she was the most available and easiest to find most of the time, since she had made her office more like her home away from home.

Yet she didn’t meet the final member of the Prince’s posse, his Shield named Gladio, until she had settled down into her work. She was done for the evening and decided to take a break in the gardens, to rest, reorganize herself, and work out the countless cricks knotted through her body. Her mind was finally at peace until a gruff voice called out and critiqued her yoga pose. This startled her so much that her Downward Dog became a Crashing Child since she fell flat on her stomach. Gladio was going to criticize her more for complaining about her soreness, until he realized she wasn’t one of the Crownsguard he trained with but a new young face he’d only see in passing. Rebecca made that abundantly clear when he finally snapped out of it and went to help her up. When she explained that she wasn’t Crownsguard but the Prince’s royal tutor that Gladio had heard about from the others, he admired her drive and efficiency to get the younger men to work while helping everyone she could out. He also felt kind of bad as she explained that she was self-taught and was doing the best she could without hurting herself.

Rebecca then avoided Gladio like the plague for a good few weeks since if she wanted to be judged on her physical abilities and lack thereof all she had to do was attend P.E. class. This sucked for Gladio since not only was she getting closer with Noctis, Prompto, and Ignis, but she was also getting close to his sister Iris as well since they shared a fashion class together. It took a few more weeks but Gladio finally got Rebecca in a place where he could explain himself at the very least. Rebecca begrudgingly forgave him but soon found that other than their differences in physical abilities, they shared quite a few interests especially in literature. He’s actually become her strongest advocate in the castle. Some say that it’s because Rebecca handed him his ass verbally, while others gossip that there’s something more to his admiration...

None of them know the full story of Rebecca’s life other than the snippets that slip out in conversation, yet they all look out for her in their own way. 

Ignis makes sure she eats, helps her with chores, and helps her try to maintain a decent sleep schedule.

Prompto and Noctis usually take her out to goof off when she’s in need of a break. Prompto also brings her snacks and new earbuds for back-ups.

Gladio forces her to stay hydrated, will carry her to bed when he finds her asleep at her desk, and takes time out of his day to go out for walks or do yoga together where he actually guides her through it

[miss-spooky-eyes]

OC Inspirations: Devinahl & Indy

I was (delightfully) tagged by @vespertine-legacy​ a while ago and I’ve hesitated to do this because I knew I was going to talk WAY too much - but it was weighing on me, so I decided to open up about the sources from which I stole, that is, drew inspiration for Devinahl and Indirae.

What three fictional characters is your OC a combination of?  

This doesn’t apply to every OC - not even mine - but its certainly true for a few : Many of our characters are, to an extent, inspired by characters we see in movies, books, games, TV shows, etc.

Does this apply to any of your OCs? Was it a conscious decision on your part or not? Is your OC a combination of three (or more) fictional characters?

If so - post some GIFs / pics and tell us about them! What does your OC draw from other characters?

Too much Devinahl & Indy chat after the cut.

DEVINAHL

The truth is that when I came to creating my Imperial Agent Devinahl, and in particular fleshing out her backstory in far, far too much detail, there were some sources that I went to extremely explicitly and deliberately. And chief among them was ...

1. Garak, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

That’s right. Garak from Deep Space Nine. Plain, simple Garak. Outcast. Exile. Spy. Addict. Perennial liar. Patriot. Terrorist. Would-be genocider. Very good tailor.

(If you haven’t seen DS9, then you need to. It’s like Star Trek, but if it was actually good? And Garak is a big part of what elevates it.) 

Is it weird to compare my ancient video game Barbie/gorgeous sex bomb badass assassin and seductress to a cold-blooded space lizard who spends his days hemming pants? Possibly. But there are aspects of Garak’s character that, consciously and unconsciously, I made parts of Devinahl’s DNA. 

Firstly, Garak is a patriot. He loves Cardassia so much that despite seeing its flaws with absolute clarity, despite having been exiled and reviled by it, he would die without question to serve it (of course, he’d much rather make someone else die). And while seeing that as a weakness, despite knowing that the Cardassia he has committed to serving is disappearing before his eyes, there is still a part of him that believes that that commitment - that neverending sacrifice - is noble. The only noble part of him. That’s central to Devinahl’s character (which is, in turn, the way I made sense of the IA storyline). That while hating and despising the Sith, she would nevertheless believe in the Empire - not so much believe that it is good (at best, I think she sees it as order and stability where the Republic is corruption and chaos) as believe that her commitment to it is the only redeeming thing available to her.

Secondly, the way that Garak will take his needs, vulnerabilities, sincere emotions and package them in ways which gets him what he has to have to keep going, without ever giving up full control? Particularly in the extraordinary episode The Wire, in which a dying Garak tells Dr Bashir a series of lies about himself in order to elicit Bashir’s forgiveness, because he needs to be sincerely forgiven but without ever telling the truth?

Out of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren’t? My dear doctor, they’re all true. Even the lies?

That is everything I tried to do with Dev, particularly in my fic about her and SCORPIO, particularly when it comes to her and Arcann. To know what she needs, as Garak needs absolution from Bashir, and tell just enough truth - put herself into just vulnerable enough a position - to get it, but never without reserving something, holding something back, whether it’s the knowledge that she can maneouvre herself out of SCORPIO’s clutches at any time or her real name? That’s a fucking survivor.

Thirdly, the relationship between Devinahl and Sifter (the spymaster who finds her as a traumatised child and grooms her for Intelligence) and specifically, the deathbed scene I wrote in Riddle was directly inspired by Garak’s relationship with Enabran Tain and that death scene. 

Yes, Devinahl was not Sifter’s actual daughter, but in every real sense she was formed by Sifter - and had Sifter had just one day with Dev like Tain had with Garak, Dev would have been lost. She would have turned herself into a carbon copy of Sifter, and she would have died. But the bittersweetness? The acknowledgement that the parental figure you love will never, not even now that they’re dying, love you as you want them to?

‘I should have killed your mother before you were born. You have always been a weakness I can't afford.’ ‘So you've told me. Many times. ...’ ‘Elim, remember that day…in the country. You must've been almost five.’ ‘How can I forget it? It was the only day.’

(The love and infinite sadness with which Andrew Robinson says that line, ‘It was the only day’? I’m crying just thinking about it. Anyway, it was everything I was thinking about and wanted to achieve in that scene.)

Oh ... and Devinahl’s ambiguous relationship with her implants? Well, Garak also has an implant in his head. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

2. Oryx from Oryx & Crake by Margaret Atwood

A novel character rather than from TV or movies, I hope that’s OK. And I know that there are ... very problematic elements to the way Atwood writes about Oryx, her family, her culture, her background. But she was one of the strongest elements that went into creating Devinahl and her backstory.

There were specific aspects of the story Oryx tells to Jimmie - particularly the parts about being told to scream and make a fuss if a man tries to take you away to a hotel room, and then being told not to make a fuss when a man tries to take you away to a hotel room - that became part of Dev’s story. But there was also a general attitude and way of looking at life I wanted to capture and incorporate. Oryx’s philosophy of value?

Of course (said Oryx), having a money value was no substitute for love. Every child should have love, every person should have it. . . . but love was undependable, it came and then it went, so it was good to have a money value, because then at least those who wanted to make a profit from you would make sure you were fed enough and not damaged too much. Also there were many who had neither love nor a money value, and having one of these things was better than having nothing.

I wanted to create a character who could look at life and suffering and abuse, even her own, and view it in that dispassionate way which horrifies someone from my middle-class Western background - and then I wanted to test that idea, to bring it up against SCORPIO and have SCORPIO try to break it down with torture, to see if it was just a cool facade/necessary illusion. I wimped out of really testing that belief, instead having Dev always know that she could get out of her situation/having her find a way to be loved without truly having to sacrifice her protective patterns ... but if I was a little braver and better, I’d have tested it to breaking point. How far can a character go who thinks like that while still remaining, on some level, compassionate/human/likeable?

3. Saffron (Firefly)

I could have gone Black Widow (definitely the inspiration for Dev’s aesthetic in terms of outfit etc). But the plain truth is that I thought more about Saffron while dreaming up Devinahl/writing her backstory than I did about Black Widow (yes, Widow turned her weakness into strength in a manipulative fashion all the time, but Garak did it better, and other than that she mainly looked after boys in a way that I did not want Dev to be limited to). 

Firefly, for a show that had - what - 13 episodes? - exercises far too much of a hold on my imagination and Saffron, especially in the first episode in which she appeared, was such a tremendous character. The way that she found exactly the triggers to turn each member of the crew inside out? (And if she’d had more time, it absolutely would have worked on Wash and Inara, too - it only didn’t because she had to hurry.) Dev has that. I can’t write it, because I suck, but she has it. 

Oh, and nobody will ever know Devinahl’s real name (apart from you, if you read my fic about her backstory) and she’d die before letting you know it. That’s straight from Saffron. As is, I suppose, the man who would accept her just as she is without needing to push to know her secrets, except it worked out a little better for Dev and Arcann than it did for Yolanda and Durran Haymer because Dev and Arcann will always have pegging.

INDIRAE

(This will be a lot shorter than the section on Devinahl, I promise.)

1. Steve Rogers, Captain America (and whatever else)

I have never been super into the MCU, but the key reference I used to find a way into Indy’s character, back when she was nothing more than a cool-looking Cathar Bounty Hunter, was Steve Rogers. (November can attest to this)

Indy’s physical size - she’s six foot if she’s an inch, and big - is key to her personality, but equally key is the idea that she would always experience that size as uncomfortable and slightly alien to her. Like Steve Rogers, she started out as the scrawny kid always getting beat up by everybody ... And when she got her strength (with a hefty assist from the toxic waste run-off into what was her family’s only source of water) and suddenly got TALL and STRONG? She did not like bullies - which was what led her to help Coda out of a jam at the spacesport and started them on their road.

(If there’s a better way to play the BH storyline than as a stone-cold mercenary with an utterly unwilling heart of gold ... then I don’t know about it.)

2. Xena, Xena Warrior Princess

I’ll be completely fucking straight with anybody about this (so to speak): I love Xena, I had an obsession with it as a teenager I’m still unpacking, and the show tends to feed into my characters in an ... odd way.

Indy is physically imposing like Xena, is the main thing; and her dynamic with Coda owes a lot to Xena’s with Gabrielle (although Coda is as big and tough as Indy, she is the fast talker/smooth operator to Indy’s laconic strongman). I wanted Indy to dominate action scenes the way that Xena does, be that kind of a force of nature; and watch her struggle to find ways to channel that charisma, to need Coda’s help to understand how to do it.

3. Dottie Henson, A League of Their Own

OK, first of all, I do not want to hear any kind of mockery. This is, unironically, one of my favourite films of all time.

Again, we come back to the core theme of a character struggling with her own greatness/potential. That’s what is the most fascinating through-line of A League of Their Own: Dottie, this unbelievable baseball player/physical presence (yes, she’s very tall, just like Indy) who is so terrified to admit that she wants anything more than her smalltown life and dreadful husband, even while the evidence of her talent and passion for the game is burning up these ... fields? Diamonds? I don’t know baseball apart from this film.

Indy certainly hides behind not wanting to be a bounty hunter. She doesn’t believe in any Mandalorian nonsense about romanticising what is an unglamorous job. She’s just doing it for credits and afterwards, once she’s secured her family’s future, she’s totally going to go home and settle down in some acceptable, domestic way. Being on the Mantis with Coda, it’s absolutely just a means to an end. She doesn’t want to be there, she doesn’t care about it, it’s not who she is, she doesn’t need it. This life, the adventure, the freedom, the fighting for survival, it’s certainly not what gets inside her and what lights her up, no, not at all. 

Oh, and Dottie is also a reluctant leader. She doesn’t see why her talent should put her in the position of telling other people what to do - but then, on the other hand, she sees so clearly what they need to be doing, and when she says to do it, they listen. She doesn’t want to carry this team, but they’re only a team so long as she carries them.

(Don’t worry, Coda’s not going to let her lie to herself for too long.)

[caconymhypocrisy]

Jan. 1, 2021 - Journal Entry

I masturbated a lot today. I don’t think it’s really a healthy thing anymore. I don’t know. I liked it. But it was for like, hours. And hours. I should probably start totaling the number soon – like start time and end time. It was great, and I want to do it again.

But earlier today I was so sad. I wept at the show “Euphoria”. It pulled all these crazy emotions out of me, and afterwards… I don’t know. I just felt so fucking sad.

I remembered the nights before tonight… the nights since the breakup.

I did a pretty similar thing.

I would jerk off for hours. Like 6 hours of just clicking through videos with one hand and edging myself with the other. It sounds pretty despicable to write it out like this. And if anyone is reading this, just know that I’m going through a hard time.

Although it seems to be getting less hard all the time now. Not my emotions. I mean my dick. After doing it for so long, I think I might start to be wearing it down.

It could be that, or the alcohol, or the coke, or the emotions. But it seems more difficult now than it used to be to keep “it” up for a long time. Yet I still try. I scan the videos, I use my plugs and oils, some stupid ring, all because I want to feel that feeling, that “oh, fuck. Yeah, that’s hot” feeling.

That feeling when you get right to the edge. Right up to the line. And it feels so good and you’re about to nut… but you don’t want to nut. Because when you do, it’s over.

Then you have to go back and face reality.

Then you have to remember why you started watching porn in the first place. Why you tried so tirelessly to get yourself hard again. Why you were looking for some form of temporary happiness that would take you away from this unstable emotional turmoil that you created for yourself. From the loneliness that you so desired and now find that it’s nothing but a pile of bricks that suffocates you. This fucking hell that finds you no matter what you do.

That was a dark line of thought. We all are a product of our actions. And I want to make more actions that improve my life.

I don’t know how to do that now, though. Drinking feels good. Masturbating feels good. Porn is really, really nice to watch (there is so much of it. It’s hard to stop). But all these things fade.

But I suppose, too, life fades. We all will die. And at least I’m enjoying some things, right?

I mean, it is fleeting. The drugs, the alcohol, the few moments of ecstasy before coming. But so is life. So why am I fighting it?

People with these issues, these “addictions”, want to improve their lives. Improve. What does that mean? Stop doing your drugs and obsessions, and start being a better person.

I don’t know. For what? What’s the point of doing all that? Jesus, I sound so entitled. People are starving in the world and I… fuck. What’s the point?

Do something that makes you better. Or help someone else be better. But these words to me now seem so arbitrary. What is better? What is progress? It might be a good thing to have a healthy diet, but why? So you can live longer? Support your kids and your family?

I don’t have those. I don’t want those. I just broke up with my girlfriend. And now I feel so alone. And getting a job, going back to school, or finding someone else to love… it all just seems so… exhausting.

I’m tired.

Fuck the world. Fuck this pandemic. I feel like there aren’t even friends I can talk to. Not really. I mean, I have friends. But they don’t really listen. Not really. Not when emotions are involved. And I broke up with my girlfriend, the one who is supposed to be the person to talk to about these things.

I just feel so alone.

And I believe in my mantra: no one will ever really understand you.

So, progress. I don’t know what the fuck it is. I don’t know why I’m writing all this down. But I can say that I’m enjoying the process of typing.

In self-help books they tell you to set goals, to become the person you want to be, and imagine the memory you want to leave behind.

Honestly, I don’t give a fuck what I leave behind. I’ll be dead. And the person I want to be? Well, I guess healthy enough to jack off another night. It might be nice to have someone to sleep with. Not like “sleep” with like sex, but just to cuddle. But I’ve also enjoyed these nights sleeping by myself. But what if I don’t want that anymore? What if I want some of both? Is there someone out there who can do both? What if I get bored of my next partner? What then? I have to go through this whole entire painful process again?

I got off topic. Setting goals. OK, let me think.

I should exercise more. That’s for sure. I went on a short run today and two days ago with Bosko. I didn’t run far, just a few blocks, and I was embarrassed with how that turned out.

Whatever. I should probably stop vaping soon too because I coughed a lot afterwards. Maybe I should start swimming again.

I want to.

Ugh. I used to be so active. I used to swim at least a few times a week. Depression (I think I’m depressed; why else would I be typing this much at 5:41 in the morning) just makes you feel so heavy. So worthless. Like… what’s the fucking point of doing anything?

My bike is still at her house. And the skates that she bought me… they’re in her car. God, I want those skates. I thought about using them. Then I think about her. Then I think about if I made a mistake leaving her. But then again, no, maybe I just want the skates.

I don’t fucking know.

OK, one more time: setting goals.

Exercise more. That’s something.

Drink less. That one is going to take some time. I think I’m developing an addiction.

Ok – moving out… this one… fuck.

I should move out. I need to. I can’t stay here. Fuck my brothers. And fuck I can’t start talking about my mom. I love her, and she supports me, but my god she really wants me to go through with this PT shit.

And I guess I’m for that. I don’t know. I’m not passionate about it. I don’t crave learning how to be a PT. Helping people is cool, I guess.

God, I feel like such a bitch complaining about all this shit. COUNT YOUR FUCKING BLESSINGS, DICKNUTS. I’m in a good home. And yeah, I’m going through some emotions and that. That’s normal. That’s being a human. Get over it.

You don’t want to work? No one does. Get fucking over it you dumb piece of shit.

OK stop that. You should be nice to yourself. Now I’m sounding like I’m talking to myself, not just writing to a page.

Whatever, everyone has to work. That’s life. Man up. (That’s a stupid phrase, I know. Patriarchy and all)

I am enjoying typing all of this.

It would be more interesting to write about stuff. Maybe I could make a novel or a short story. But what would I write about? My emotions don’t generate creativity. I don’t have any crazy life experience, some traumatizing backstory that can lay down the foundation of some revolutionary work of art. I’m just a boring kid from the suburbs.

Yet, I like writing. Maybe I’m not passionate about it, but I like it. But also… I think I suck at it. Always in the writer’s groups they say “oh yeah, that’s cool. I like this part. Good job” whatever. But those are all my friends; of course, they aren’t going to say what they honestly think. Emotions and egos are at stake.

Maybe I should just share a post like this anonymously on some blog. I don’t know, is Tumblr (or whatever) still a thing? At least strangers would/should be honest.

You dumb shit. Stop asking yourself questions you don’t know the answers to. This is your fucking journal you’re writing in. There’s no one here to answer.

Except me.

Ok so goals. Maybe go back to school. Got to do something. I’ll keep writing thoughts. Fuck the dentist. Exercise. What’s the fucking point. God damn it. What a waste of life.

[a-crimson-lion]

A Rant About Katsuki Bakugo

[Katsuki-stans and the like, you should probably steer clear from this.]

[Also, spoilers.]

Before we start, I want to make something clear: you are allowed to have your own opinions. You like Katsuki? Great! You disagree with my post or parts of it? That's fine! You can have your opinions and interpretations, and I can have mine. That's completely okay! Again, if these types of posts make you uncomfortable, feel free to leave. It's as simple as that. These are just my personal observations; you don't have to take them to heart! These types of arguments are... touchy, I'll admit, but they don't have to be a hell-scape. You got that? Good. Now then...

...let's begin.

P.S. Long Post. You've been warned...

I'll start by saying that Katsuki Bakugo never really appealed to me when I got into the series. I'll admit that I've only gotten to Season 3 in the anime (waiting on Season 4) and I've read up to the end of the Shie Hassaki arc in the manga (I have also had the burden of being bombarded with manga spoilets, but eh, c'est la vie). With that said, I still haven't come to like Katsuki. Telling Izuku to kill himself in episode one has only guaranteed that he'll never be far up on my favorite character lists. I will admit that he is definitely NOT the same character he was at the start, but even then, when compared to fellow classmates and other characters, his growth is miniscule. I get that it won't be an immediate overnight change for Katsuki, but when he's compared to characters like Tenya and Shoto, it's clear that his progression as a character really isn't all that. There are a few things that bother me with just his character in general, but let's start with this:

Handling Katsuki's actions and the consequences

One of the many arguments for Katsuki's character is as follows: "Yeah, he hasn't been explicitly punished for his actions, but the narrative makes sure to punish him with karma!" I used to believe this too, and I actually thought it was helping him develop into a better character. Except, it hasn't. 'Cause Katsuki has barely learned anything from those experiences other than "I'm weak," which is another problem for later. Let's review:

The Sludge Villain Incident. Katsuki gets caught and fails to escape, Izuku tries saving Katsuki, All Might ends up saving them both. Izuku gets scolded by the pros for his "reckless actions" (even though they didn't do anything, the lack of a proper quirk is no excuse) while Katsuki gets praise, which he blatantly ignores because he's pissed at Izuku. He then proceeds to follow Izuku home and tell him that he didn't need saving, even though he likely would have died or have been captured by the sludge villain had no one intervened. And before you tell me that Katsuki stopped bothering Izuku for a while, that wasn't because he recognized that Izuku did something right, it was because Katsuki was busy sulking at the fact that he's only getting noticed by being a victim, which he hates, and he proceeds to direct that anger towards himself. Once again, the only message he gets from this is that he's weak, even though most people are, in one way or another.

The Battle Trail. After Katsuki loses the Battle Trail to Izuku, he proceeds to nearly have a panic attack before getting a small pep talk from All Might and later Izuku. He isn't rectified for nearly KILLING, and if not that then nearly SEVERELY INJURING, another student. Katsuki didn't cooperate with his partner, which was the point of the exercise, and instead decided to do his own thing, which ultimately helped bring about their team's downfall. Again, he recieves no punishment beyond nearly losing his cool and self-loathing. All Might's justification for continuing the Trial is also kinda wack (THE BOY USED HIS HIGHLY DESTRUCTIVE FIREARM AGAINST ANOTHER STUDENT AFTER BEING TOLD NOT TO). Then, instead of a proper punishment, All Might tries comforting him, and Izuku even tries telling him about One for All (though arguably he'd be fine not knowing about it, and he hasn't told anyone else). Katsuki's takeaway from the entire thing is that he'll get stronger and surpass his classmates, which in some cases is admirable, but in this case, it's downright egotistical. No one can be the best at everything, not even All Might.

The Sports Festival, pre-tournament. Katsuki is pissed when he gets 3rd in the obstacle course. Katsuki yells like a disgruntled toddler when his team gets 2nd place (even though that means he gets to advance).

The Sports Festival, Round One. Remember that whole karma argument? Well, that goes out the window when Katsuki just makes a bigger explosion to counter Ochako's well thought out plan in order to win the match. I get it, not every plan you'll ever come up with will always succeed in the face of adversity, but where the hell did that big explosion come from any way? Shoto curb-stomped Hanta in an earlier match, but he was pissed at Endeavor, and he even apologizes afterwards. Izuku broke out of Hitoshi's mind control because One for All isn't exactly a by the book quirk. Katsuki... just creates a bigger explosion because he's strong? Really? IDK guys, it just doesn't carry the same weight as the first two examples. Also, yes Katsuki was pushing close to his limit, but that never comes up again in the rest of the Sports Festival or even the manga until he and Izuku are going up against All Might. His "weaknesses" aren't treated on the same scale as his fellow classmates, which, in the series' case, should be on equal footing.

The Sports Festival, Final Round. Katsuki basically wore down Eijiro in the second match (which is what Ochako almost did but of course Horikoshi can't give Katsuki some proper reprocussions), and then because his quirk produces light, Katsuki easily deals with Fumikage in the third match. He then proceeds to beat Shoto in the final round, and loses his shit. Now, I might be able to kind of understand where Katsuki is coming from, had it not been for the glaring fact that Katsuki listened in on Shoto's Tragic Backstory(TM). He knows that Shoto has difficulties using his fire side, but the second he uses it against Izuku, suddenly all Katsuki can think about is how he wants to beat Shoto at full strength, even though Shoto's situation is not an overnight issue. Katsuki doesn't see this however. He thinks Shoto is mocking him, which is simply not the case, but Katsuki is too self-centered to care. He ends up winning the festival, but he feels like he doesn't earn it just because Shoto couldn't get past his daddy issues just yet. When you put it like that, Katsuki just looks downright petty.

Sports Festival Finale. This is where most people tend to take Katsuki's side, but I have my counterarguments about the issue. Did Katsuki have the right to be mad? Arguably yes, but he could have simply sucked up his anger and waited until after the Festival was done to lash out, and we all know he didn't do that. Midnight had to knock him out just so he could get his hands off of Shoto. Should the teachers have restrained Katsuki like they did? Arguably no, but remember, this is a super-powered society. Maybe someone could have held Katsuki back if there weren't quirks, but Katsuki has freaking grenades for hands, and he has no qualms about blowing up Shoto simply because he didn't come at him with full strength. So restraining him, while unsightly, was probably one of the few ways to keep Katsuki from going apeshit at the Festival, considering the circumstances and Katsuki's behavior.

Katsuki's Internship. Best Jeanist is one of the few characters in the series to note Katsuki's less than ideal behavior. He gets a lot of flack for it , though, because how dare someone hurt the precious explodo-boy! Oh yeah, defend the kid with a massive ego and noticeable anger issues that go beyond comic relief. Besides, what did Jeanist exactly do besides this? Ruin Katsuki's hairdo? Make him wear jeans? Give him actually compotent advice on how heroes should act and interact with the public? The first one I might get, but other than that, Jeanist deserves no hate. To make matters worse, Katsuki learned nothing from his internship! Which segues perfectly into our next point...

Racing Assessment Post-Internships. Once the kiddos get back from their internships, All Might has them do another hero exercise, and the rest of the class gets to see how Izuku has improved. My problem with this is that they immediately compared his improvement to Katsuki's style. I personally don't see it, and I'll admit that Izuku probably borrowed fundamental bits of Katsuki's strategy, but all in all, Izuku came up with Full Cowl on his own. It shouldn't be linked directly to Katsuki the way it is in the series. We also get a nice quick monolouge from Katsuki about how he wasted his time during his internship, even though that was Katsuki's fault! Geez, what an ego...

Final Exams. I won't sugar coat it: Katsuki gets his ass handed to him by All Might. He comes out of that experience with injuries, but you know what? So does Izuku. And if I remember correctly, Katsuki was the only one who wasn't initially willing to cooperate. By God, Katsuki smacked Izuku with his gauntlet just because he was trying to talk. Even though getting through the escape gate is considered a legitimate way to pass the exam, Katsuki is too engrossed with beating All Might (THE NUMBER ONE HERO) to see that, and actually contemplated losing just because he was working with Izuku and refused to accept his help. It took Izuku decking Katsuki in the face for him to start remotely cooperating with his teammate. Izuku was the real MVP in all of this. And what does Katsuki get for his actions? He just passes. No talk afterwards. No reprimanding for his refusal to cooperate. No remidal lessons at camp. Nothing to help better Katsuki. What's worse is the reason for pairing up Izuku with Katsuki. Look, I get that the teachers don't know about their past, but Katsuki doesn't get along well with anyone in the class, except maybe Eijiro, and even that relationship is flimsy! Izuku would be willing to work with anyone, even with Katsuki. So what's the friggin' point!? Just pair Katsuki and Izuku with literally anyone else in the class besides each other! Maybe then he'd learn a thing or two about teamwork, yeesh...

Deku vs Kacchan 2. The Training Camp Ambush happens. The Provisional License Exam happens. Katsuki is not treated well through either, and he ultimately takes his growing frustrations out on Izuku. Now, I was glad that Katsuki didn't pass solely because he didn't approach the later part of the exam with what would be considered a hero's attitude. But then his fight with Izuku happens. It ends, and they both get punished, but Katsuki also learns about OFA, which I personally believes is unnecessary since there are virtually multiple candidates who deserve to learn about it more, and it actually does nothing for Katsuki as a character, but that's a discussion for another day. What really gets me going is on how Katsuki is portrayed during the fight. If you've seen the anime or read the manga, you know the scene where he asks Izuku why he was the reason for All Might's end. I'll admit, it actually got to me the first time through; Katsuki actually appeared human to me. But I think @itsclydebitches said it best in their own post analyzing Katsuki, which you can read here. Here's an excerpt:

"Now let’s make something clear: Bakugo obviously has feelings beyond anger and disdain. Of course he does. I’m not arguing that he’s a sociopath and like I mentioned back during the sludge incident, you can be scared and upset and still be a terrible person. So many people read this scene and immediately jumped on the ‘hug Bakugo’ bandwagon. The poor baby! He’s been blaming himself for All Might’s retirement this whole time!

Is that awful? Does it need to be addressed? Yes. However, you know who else is carrying misplaced guilt? 

Literally everyone else in 1-A. 

Izuku also blames himself for All Might’s retirement. We get a whole internal monologue on how if he hadn’t crushed his arms again he might have reached Bakugo in time and then none of this would have happened. Todoroki and Shoji also blame themselves for not reaching Bakugo in time. Tsu blames herself for not stopping her friends from walking into danger. It’s implied that other kids blame themselves for not tagging along. Everyone wonders what else they could have done to change things. 

I could go on. The point is, misplaced guilt is horrible but it doesn’t make Bakugo special. It’s not a free pass to excuse his behavior, especially when this all just happened. All Might’s retirement has no bearing on everything that came before that. When Tsu felt guilty about her roll in all this she called everyone together to speak with them. Bakugo drags Izuku out to try and pummel him. Everyone is suffering in one way or another, but only one of these kids is dealing with that by hurting others."

When put into perspective, Katsuki's guilt is nothing special, nor is it an excuse. Eijiro felt guilty when Katsuki was kidnapped. Tsuyu felt guilty for reprimanding her friends for wanting to save Katsuki. Hell, if we go back to the Two Heroes movie, Izuku is shown to feel guilty about the fact that All Might's quirk is fading and David Shield doesn't know because he was never told about One for All. The list goes on, but I think we've covered most of the bases.

Plus, even after that entire fight, Katsuki proceeds to regress back to his initial behavior before and during the Shie Hassaikai arc. He doesn't want anyone getting ahead of him, so he expresses glee when the work studies might be cancelled. He wines and covers his ears like a toddler when he hears about Izuku getting ahead of him. Sure, he has a few soft moments, but they seem to be "one step forward, two steps back" sort of deals. They signify his character development, sure, but again, compared to others, it isn't much.

Well, I just finished covering why even the narrative hasn't properly handled Katsuki. Now let's move on to:

The Faulty Relationship Between Katsuki and Izuku

Now, their entire dynamic is arguably hot garbage, but I'll specifically be discussing the relationship between Katsuki and Izuku when it comes to being heroes: "Save to win, win to save" and all that stuff that happened after Deku vs. Kacchan 2.

Let me just start of by saying that Katsuki has done virtually nothing to understand this logic, at least during the beginning. While I will admit that Izuku and Katsuki's initial goals of saving and winning (respectively) are on point, in both their actions and some of their representation in the story (Katsuki only getting villain points, Izuku only getting rescue points), their development from that point is unfortunately unequal.

The thing is, Izuku has been actively working at winning part of being a hero. That's where the problem starts: if Izuku has been trying to learn how to win, Katsuki has learned virtually nothing on how to save. We can see this as early as the Entrance Exam Arc.

Let's look at the chronology of things from Izuku's perspective. He manages to pass the exam in resuce points by saving Ochako (save). He learns to slightly control his quirk during the ball toss, and manages to stay in U.A. even though he was dead last on the rankings (win). He manages to win the Battle Trial, albeit succumbing to his own injuries (win). Izuku is just trying to save people left and right during the USJ incident (save). Izuku dominates the Sports Festival Obstacle Course (win). Izuku helps his teammates during the cavalry battle, who in turn help him and the team advance to the tournament (win/save). Izuku manages to beat Hitoshi Shinsou (win). Izuku convinces Shoto to use his fire, and proceeds to lose the match (save). Izuku learns Full Cowl, allowing him to stop breaking his bones and use OFA more effectively (win/save). Izuku and company take on the Hero Killer (win/save). Izuku helps Katsuki pass the Final Exam by going back for him and dragging him out of the escape gate (win/save). Izuku manages to beat Muscular in order to save Kota (win/save). Izuku devises a plan to help save Katsuki, and later on helps encourage All Might (win/save). Izuku learns Shoot Style to ease the strain on his arms (win/save). Izuku passes the entire Provisional License Exam (win/save).

This is all before Deku vs Kacchan 2. Now, let's look at Katsuki's record:

Dominates the exam and gets first place by gaining 77 villain points (win). Gets thrid place in the Quirk Apprehension Test (win/loss(?)). Loses the Battle Trial while also refusing to cooperate with his teammate (loss). Tries blowing up Kurogiri even though Thirteen already had it covered; later on manages to corner Kurogiri just so the villains have nowhere to run (win/loss(?)). Comes in 3rd during the Sports Festival Obstacle Course (win/loss(?)). Barely knows his teammates and proceeds to act on his own interest while ordering his teammates around with a very small amount od human decency (win). Gets second place in the Cavalry Battle (win/loss(?)). Dominates in the tournament bracket, but is not satisfied with the final battle (win/loss(?)). Learns virtually nothing during his internship out of spite (loss). Refuses to cooperate with Izuku during the Final Exam, only passes because Izuku saves him (win/loss(?)). Refuses to head back to camp during a villain attack after being instructed to do so, ultimately gets captured (loss). Gets saved from the villains by his friends (win/indirect save). Learns AP Shot technique and its Auto Cannon variant (win). Passes the first half of the Provisional License Exam (win). Fails the second half due to his lack of concern for the "victims" (loss).

Which brings us back to Deku vs Kacchan 2. From what I presented above, it looks like Izuku is already dedicated to learning how to win. The problem is that Katsuki isn't learning how to save. That's probably because he's still learning how to lose. He's terrible at it, but Izuku has experience with losing because up until U.A., that's all he's been doing in the eyes of society. A loss doesn't bother Izuku unless he feels like he could have won/saved whatever his priority was at the time, like when Katsuki was kidnapped. Often when Izuku wins, it's tied with saving something. When Katsuki loses, it's either an offhanded win or just a straight up loss. That's something Katsuki isn't used to, and something the narrative hasn't managed to ammend. Mostly because Katsuki often wins more than he should if he wanted to get a better worldview, but that's only part of the problem.

As I said in a previous post, Katsuki's initial focus is solely on winning. Izuku's initial focus is solely on saving.

In Izuku's case, he also has the benefit of being open minded. If you tell him, "You have to win if you want to save," Izuku will understand that. Heck, most of his battles are often initiated because he wants to save something! Katsuki's winner mentality, however, isn't as open-ended. He wants to be the number one, end of story. No one can be stronger than him, and he'll get pissed at anyone who's "weaker" than him for whatever reason. Even if you tell him, "You have to save if you want to win," Katsuki won't fully understand that unless saving means winning Number One. That's the disconnect. Izuku will save in order to win anything. Katsuki will only win if the saving gets him to number one.

Izuku has possible standards. Katsuki's standards aren't possible, even for him.

Well, that's all I got for tonight. This post took a while, but I feel like I did good on my part. Before I completely sign off, let me leave you with this:

I honestly hope that Katsuki improves. But the thing is, I want to be shown that, not TOLD. I don't need Izuku or Class 1-A or Eraserhead or even All Might him-freaking-self telling me "Yeah, Katsuki's great!" and then proceed to see him still acting like a passive-aggressive (and sometimes flat out aggressive) asshole. I don't want him to be "soft" one moment for character development and then proceed to see him act like his usual jerkish self several moments later. I want to see Katsuki's improvement with my own two eyeballs, and for him to stick to it. I want him to progress, even in spurts, with virtually no regression. I want people to acknowledge his development, yes, but they shouldn't have to state or overstate it so many times that it feels fake. I want him to finally come to the conclusion that Winning Isn't Everything, and take that to heart.

When that happens, then I won't hate Katsuki. I might not like him significantly more, but I will have more respect for him. Until then, I'll just be here, enjoying the other parts of My Hero Academia that actually keep me invested in the story, like the protagonist, Izuku.

That's all from me. Have a good day/afternoon/evening, everyone.

-Crimson Lion (7 August 2019)

[docholligay]

paksenarrion-reader replied to your post “Don’t rb but”

I think that, in the end, is what caused me to get into Overfic so fully and with such abandon -- that the characters are so open to any interpretation we overlay on them, that we can do what we want and very little of it will be wrong. Widow is just a very vivid example of what I do with them all.

I’ve read this from a few people and I agree--it’s such a strength of the universe where there’s just enough to hook you, and then you can create it all. 

Pak wrote an essay and I responded with an essay so it’s behind a cut ahaha

paksenarrion-reader

replied to your post

“Don’t rb but”

resident "I'm Always A Slut For Sniping" main here, I have many faves for many different reasons and I am about to talk about some of them but divided in two main groups for the reason why I got so attached to them, why I ended up so invested in them. 

 first group started out as: Blizz tells me who they are. I play them a little -- get a feel for them, listen to their voice, learn how to move them. I sit up over my fic notebooks, legs crossed, hands laced, I look Blizz in the face, and politely say, "No."  this half involves Widowmaker obviously, since my approach to her is literally *throws canon over shoulder* "I'm going to let you make sense", but most notably also Symmetra.  maybe it's because I'm a writer myself, but these two (and many others I care less about) even as the sketch! are wasted potential! bad writing! they could be so much better! and by fuck I am going to let them no matter what canon says!

Oh my god, Yes, Blizz’ approach to Windowmaker’s backstory is one entire “ahahahaha NO.” for me. Cannot. Sexy brainwashed is not a thing I can handle, and it removes all of the interest and complexity that I think she could have. i’d rather have her be a person with motivations that suck, or are hypocritical, or that she herself sometimes doesn’t understand, and REFUSES to understand. 

I think that many/most characters aren’t really done a ton of favors by the canon by virtue of its sketchiness and also some HMM INTERESTING choices. I never got into Symm, but I know so many people that have, and something about her speaks to them, so I don’t doubt that I’m just missing some peice that allows a person to fundamentally connect with a character. Which I think is another strength of Overwatch: There are so many characters that represent so many facets of humanity that there’s a lot of room to see yourself. 

paksenarrion-reader

replied to your post

“Don’t rb but”

what got me to the point of caring about them enough to pluck them out of canon's hands is a mixture of the sketch space they occupy, of the feel they give through small and delicious details like what they speak, how they speak, how they move, of their gameplay since I enjoy characters with mid-to-high skill floor and high skill ceiling (see: I'm always a slut for sniping), and of the prism of my thoughts and experiences that I view them through

It’s always so interesting to me when a character’s gameplay inspires love for the character themselves, because, not being a gamer, I really can’t relate. It’s something I hadn’t considered when posing this question because it’s so far out of my wheelhouse, but of course a character you enjoy playing is likely going to find ways to be appealing to you otherwise. 

paksenarrion-reader

replied to your post

“Don’t rb but”

the second half are characters that other fans got me invested in. I didn't connect to some characters At All, in the beginning, but as I exist in fandom spaces I see people who did talk about the hows and whys of how they did, and I set my prism down to borrow someone else's lens, so to speak.  that can of course go two ways, it can be either "that is a terrible take and I'm going to do better" like what dragged me to caring about Reaper or to loving to hate Moira. Or it can be "that's amazing, I'll take fifteen, three of them gift-wrapped" like when trans players/fans talked about trans Hana, or you talked about Jewish Mercy, or fans of colour talked about dweeby, loving, soft Fareeha

I think this is where fandom can be such an interesting and fun thing--my great goal in life is of course to make everyone realize Tracer is compelling and not a naive idiot, and I TRY VERY HARD TO ACHIEVE THAT--but sometimes what makes me take a second look at a character is reading other people’s ideas and thoughts, seeing what they could be if you decided to turn your head just slightly to the left. It’s often interesting to me even if I can’t “get there” myself. 

paksenarrion-reader

replied to your post

“Don’t rb but”

Widow in particular ended up as my main girl for a wide mixture of small reasons -- I still remember, when I played her for the first time in a few consecutive matches almost two years ago, that her calmly vicious manner and how she very quietly singsongs "come oooooout~" at her targets and how she makes EVERYTHING personal, left me sitting there a little distraught and thinking "somebody hold her hand"  she has a very strong feel, even as the roughly-drawn sketch of a character canon left her as, a feel that she despises everything and everyone and she will make everyone suffer and it will never be enough to make her feel better.   

I also, it will come as no surprise to you, enjoy thinking about Widowmaker as a person who does bad things and makes bad choices and can be petty and mean and she’s not even sure she wants to be, but here she is, DOING THAT. Inertia is a hell of a thing. And the more you make the same choice, the easier it is to keep making that choice. 

that feel was enough for me to latch onto and throw "brainwashed and crazy" over my shoulder and replace it with "traumatized and too proud to admit she needs help and too used to despair to be able to afford any sort of hope anymore" and start building.  I made her into a horrible person by virtue of horrible circumstances and choices to be made between bad and worse, into someone who lies and is steadfast and remorseless and honourable and tool and taskmaster, and I enjoy letting myself explore who she could have been before and what must have happened to have her back away into the safety of becoming this, and I enjoy writing scenes where I let her heal and it doesn't mean erasing anything of what I had put her through

You’re much kinder to Amelie’s general nature than I am--I think she probably had some bad things happen to her, but I also think a lot of her choices were her own fault--but yes, it’s really important to me that she’s choosing Talon, that this is the way she sees herself as interacting with the world and she’s not really compelled toward change. I see her as not unlike Ana in this sense. She makes shitty choices and sometimes is like “wow that was shitty” but either can’t or won’t or likely both do anything to change that. But what I think is interesting about Widow, in what’s I’ve read, is no two people seem to read her the same way, and I think that’s what interests me most about her. 

paksenarrion-reader

replied to your post

“Don’t rb but”

I made the character of Widowmaker into something that appeals to me personally, instead of leaving the empty husk of a character that Blizz handed us, in my hands she's wrong and complicated and INTERESTING, and some of her is myself exorcising my demons through creative work and some of her is myself exercising empathy and imagination

I think this is what so many of us who get into Overwatch really do and feel with our faves--Mercy (and Yael) is the written experience of hours of Jewish handwringing every time I think about something for too long, or when I reflect on the reasons we’re still here despite the fact that we should have been wiped out several times over. Tracer is my experience of being an impulsive and quick little ADHD shit, and what would it feel like to know that the way I was and my brain worked was pretty roundly considered to be a part of my personality and loved versus constantly being seen as a problem to be solved? Pharah is the experience of seeing something that’s been tinted, and going, “no, they can’t have that. i’m going to make it into what it always should have been.” And so on. I know a lot of us who write, write about things and ideas and experiences that we need to give voice to but can’t when it’s US, and I think that’s pretty clear in a lot of OW stuff.