#I think I wanna experiment with texture next...

[sleepis4theweak]

YOU GOTTA SHOW ME HOW THE LIGHT REFLECTION DRAWUNG WENT!! I love ur art sm!!^^ heres a little tut I made if it doesnt make sense. This was a tutorial that I saw awhile ago on yt, I dont know where it is tho so I just kinda did it myself.

If u have anyquestions, I can answer!!! Have a blessed day bookie!!❤️

NOT A TURTLE CAUSE I DID IT ON AN APPLE BUT LOOK!!!!!!!

U WERE SO RIGHT I LOVE THIS

AND ALSO UR TUTORIAL IS SO HELPFUL???? It makes complete and total sense (I watched a couple of videos, some were good but some just did not help at all lmao)

I've never seen a prettier potato... seriously tho the texture and the colors.... AHHH

[heartsiebyul]

wait im back and have an actual request of my own lolls, can i geeettt

Twst characters with an s/o who likes to have things in their mouth, not in a sexual way but just to keep them occupied and "neutral" i guess... for example (🤓☝️) s/o having some chewable necklaces, pencils with alot of bite marks, and even if their dating Character they ask if they can chew on their fingers (I would also specially like Kalim but any other characters are up to you!) heh thats it :3 ☀️

Twisted Wonderland characters when their lover always needs to chew on something to stay calm and occupied.

(Featuring: Kalim, Ruggie, Jade, Ace, and Silver)

Kalim Al-Asim

“Huh? You wanna chew on my fingers?” Kalim asks, eyes wide with a mix of surprise and excitement. “That’s so funny—okay!”

He’s super into it. Not in a fetish way—he just loves that you’re being vulnerable and honest with him.

Starts ordering cute chewable jewelry for you in your favorite colors. “(name), I found this one shaped like a little sun! Isn’t it perfect for you?”

If you're sitting next to him, he’ll absentmindedly offer his hand. “Need something?” he whispers with a grin.

His fingers are always warm and soft because he wears so much jewelry. Sometimes he wiggles them just to make you laugh while they’re in your mouth.

Ruggie Bucchi

“Wait… you chew stuff? Like, on purpose?”

At first, Ruggie thinks it’s a nervous habit, but once he realizes it calms you, he kinda shrugs. “Eh, whatever works.”

He starts keeping spare straws, pencil toppers, or even gums in his bag for you. “Don’t be chewing up your expensive pens, (name). Chew this instead.”

If you ask to chew on his fingers, he goes bright red. “Wha—?! I mean… sure, I guess?? Just don’t bite me, jeez.”

Lowkey finds it endearing and starts offering his hand when he notices you getting antsy. “You want the usual? Go ahead. Just be gentle.”

Jade Leech

Jade’s eyes twinkle with that signature mischief. “How fascinating… So oral fixation helps you stay neutral?”

He’s more than happy to indulge you, but he’s going to analyze it like a biologist with a new creature.

“I suppose this gives ‘finger food’ a new meaning,” he teases, slipping his glove off slowly.

He experiments with giving you different textures to chew on, coral-inspired chew toys, smooth sea glass necklaces, even salted licorice from the Coral Sea.

If you get shy about the habit, he tilts your chin and says, “There’s nothing strange about it, (name). I rather enjoy being part of your comfort.”

Ace Trappola

“Hold on. You’re telling me… you asked to chew on my fingers?”

Cue blushing, flustered Ace short-circuiting. “That’s so weird. You’re weird. I like you anyway, though.”

Once he gets over the shock, he actually finds it funny and adorable. “Alright, come here, weirdo. Which one do you want today—pointer or pinkie?”

Starts leaving chewed-up pencil stubs in your bag just to mess with you. “Figured you’d need a fresh one.”

If you’re anxious or unfocused, he’ll just casually stick a lollipop in your mouth. “Don’t say I never take care of you.”

Silver

You: “Can I chew on your fingers for a bit?”

Silver: blinks slowly “…Sure.”

Doesn’t even question it. He accepts your habits like they’re part of your breathing pattern.

He has that soft, calm energy that makes it easy for you to relax. His hands are strong and clean, and he just lets you do your thing while he reads or rests.

Once he falls asleep, his hand might still be in your lap—and if you quietly start chewing again, he doesn’t even stir.

Later, “I had a dream you were chewing on my hand… Oh, it wasn’t a dream?” gentle chuckle

I hope I did good with this request 😭

[cadberrychicky]

Kinktober day 2

Threesome- Toge and megumi

CW: Aged up characters 21+ years old, threesome obviously, oral (megumi receiving), unprotected sex (be smart and be safe, wrap then tap), almost creampie, reader has a vagina, kind of rough Megumi if you squint.

It wasn’t unusual for you and megumi to experiment during sex, both of you being adults who can verbalize what you are and aren’t comfortable with. But when the idea of trying a threesome was brought up you weren’t really sure how to feel. The first question you had was who the third person would be, the second-how do you go about asking this person if they would want to be part of said threesome.

“It’ll be whoever you want it to be I suppose.” Was all Megumi told you, he of course gave you time to think it over and come up with someone. As the next day progressed it was all you could think about while you did aimless and routine tasks. Then another thought popped into your mind, did megumi have anyone in mind? Had they both talked about it without you? How long had they been talking about it.

You pulled out your phone, bringing up megumi’s contact. Your thumbs hovered over the keypad, not sure how to start the conversation. Eventually you just said fuck it and went for it.

“Did you have anyone in mind for this threesome?” you waited and watched as the typing bubbles popped up almost immediately. Kind of like he’s been waiting to hear from you all day.

“I do.” All he said.

“Who?” more bubbles. Then they stopped for a few seconds. And picked back up again.

“Toge.”

You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t always found Toge inumaki to be attractive. And you’ve found yourself drifting in thought about what it might be like to be with him and not Megumi. Not that you’d ever thought of leaving Megumi to be with Toge. Your thumbs hit the keyboard once more.

“Ok, I’ll do it.”

“We’ll be over in a second.” You weren’t expecting it to be today, let alone right now. You started to panic a little bit, your place was definitely not the cleanest it could be. You made a B-line straight to your room to make sure your bed sheets were clean. You also weren’t sure what to wear, or if you were supposed to wear anything at all. You decided to just put on a nice lace set you had bought while out with Norbara a little while back.

Just in time to hear a knock on the front door. Taking a deep breath you walked over and opened the door, Megumi and Toge were standing there. Both in casual wear of hoodies and jeans, the only difference was Toges hoodie made sure to cover his mouth like the rest of his clothes. You stood to the side and let the boys in the door, you closed the door and followed behind them.

“Can I get you guys anything to drink or maybe something to eat?” you weren’t really sure how these things go and start and the guys can tell.

“If you don’t wanna do this Y/n we don’t have to.” Megumi stuffed his hands into his pockets and Toge gave an agreeing sound.

“No I do! I do, I'm just not sure how this stuff starts.” You rubbed your suddenly sweaty palms on your pants. The boys shared a look and a nod. Megumi was the first to walk towards you, he pushed a stray piece of your hair out of your eyes and grabbed your chin. He placed his lips to yours.

It was a sweet but still passionate kiss, that’s how they usually were with Megumi. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, he let out a small groan. His hands moved to your lower hips and squeezed them. He slipped his tongue into your mouth and you let him explore the various textures of the inside of your mouth.

You had almost forgotten that Toge was there until you felt his chest press against your back. His arms slotted under yours and came around to grope and grab at your tits. Gently massaging the plump flesh of your chest. You and Megumi had separated your kiss as you gasped at the sudden feeling. You were panting, mainly from the suffocating kiss you just broke and also from the feeling of Toges hands on your chest.

Toges mouth began to press hot open mouth kisses to the exposed skin of your neck, Megumi had your shirt fisted in his hands. He lifted it up and over your abdomen and you lifted your arms to allow the shirt to come off. Once it was off Megumi had begun to do what Toge was doing, placing hot kisses and love bites onto your chest while Toge continued to attack your neck.

One hand found its way to Megumi’s hair while the other reached around to fist Toges.

“This is a cute bra, brand new?” more hickies placed on your skin.

“Yeah… hah, Nobara and I went shopping a couple weeks ago.” a whimper left your mouth, and an appreciative hum was heard from Megumi. Megumi had detached himself from your skin and reached around your back to unclasp the hooks of your bra. The straps came down your arms and Megumi had pulled the fabric off your body.

If you didn’t feel exposed before, you definitely did now. Toge’s hands once again attached themselves to your chest, this time taking a nipple from each breast and rolling them between his fingers. More whimpers fell from your mouth. Megumi stood there admiring how you looked, the way your hair fell and how much you seemed to be enjoying yourself.

“Isn’t she beautiful like this Toge?” he gave an agreeing hum, waiting to see what megumi had planned next.

“Take the rest of your clothes off for us won’t you baby?” Slowly you pulled the pants you had on down to your ankles, stepping out of them leaving nothing but the panties of your set.

“Oh a matching set, how pretty. Panties too sweetheart.” The panties came down your thighs and to your ankles, you were about to kick them away when Megumi’s hand reached out. You placed the soft fabric into his palm and he tucked them into his back pocket.

Megumi and Toge stripped their jeans and boxers off after you.

“On your Knees.” That was an order, not a suggestion. You did as you were told. Megumi stepped forward, he gave himself a few lazy strokes. His dick was thicker than it was longer, not that you cared too much. His tip was a flushed light pink, a pretty shade really. You could see small beads of precum leaking as he stroked himself.

You stuck your tongue out waiting for him to put it in your mouth, he slapped the tip on your tongue a few times before he was satisfied enough for you to suck him into your mouth. He let out a small shudder as you struggled a little to take him in your mouth. His hand found the back of your head and pulled your hair into a makeshift ponytail to keep it out of your way.

You bobbed your mouth up and down his cock, saliva trailing down your chin and to his balls. Megumi let out heavenly sounding moans as you pulled your mouth off his cock and moved down to suck his balls into your mouth. Using your hands to stroke and rub his dick.

Megumi pulled you away from his dick long enough to instruct you to get on your hands and knees. Having done so Megumi pulled you back to his dick and you immediately went back to sucking and licking him. Toge had moved to his knees, he gave your ass a nice good smack. Moans and whimpers leaving your mouth the best they could while being full.

Toge lined himself up with your dripping entrance. Swiping himself up and down a few times to spread and coat your juices on the both of you before pushing himself inside you. A low groan came from his throat, your eyes rolled into the back of your head.

Toge wasted no time pounding inside of you, even timing himself with the motion of your head bobbing on Megumi. Your knees had begun to hurt from being pressed into the hard floor but you weren’t too worried about it as you were currently being spit roasted. Dripping from your mouth and from your tight cunt. Both men struggling to keep themselves from cumming too quickly.

You could feel your orgasm creeping up on you rather quickly. A few more thrusts had you cumming on Toges cock. A loud groan from his lips at the feeling. Toge could feel himself getting ready to cum not long afterward. He thanked his lucky stars he managed to pull out soon enough to paint your ass and lower back.

The sight of his cum dripping off your ass was almost enough for him to go again. Once Megumi had noticed Toge was finished he grabbed both sides of your face and began to roughly pound the inside of your mouth.

You gagged at the sudden force and speed but let him use your mouth anyway. After a few seconds you felt Megumi’s cum flood your mouth, the salty bitter taste surrounding your taste buds. He pulled out of your mouth with a groan and tapped the underside of your chin. You opened your mouth to show him all the cum you managed to keep in your mouth.

You shut your mouth and swallowed, opening your mouth again to show him it was gone. He groaned and placed a small kiss to your lips as the 3 of you sat on the floor catching your breath, eventually Toge had left to go get a towel to wipe his cum off you.

You started to gather your clothes and put them back on and then went to the kitchen to grab both boys a glass of water. They had begun to put their clothes on not long after you did. You were the first to speak.

“That was kinda fun. We should do it again sometime.” Both boys nodded their heads in agreement. You sat on the middle cushion of your couch, patting both sides for the boys to sit next to you. For the rest of the afternoon all 3 of you sat on the couch under a blanket doing nothing special but enjoying the company of each other.

[luneariann]

DTIYS RESULTS!

Honestly this was super hard to decide 😭😭 I ended up adding more honorable mentions slots and I’m still tempted to add more cuz you all did rly rly amazing! I wanna thank all of you for participating this was a super fun experience, now, with that said...

In first place we have @carrotkicks with their absolutely stunning piece! :)

I fell head over heels for the composition its really really unique and it works wonderfully! Their colors were gorgeous and very well balanced, they rly took the prompt and made it their own and it worked wonders :)!

In second place we have @j11nko with this absolute banger of an art piece!

OOO where do i even start, the lighting i think takes the cake here, completely made it look like they were bathed in gold, made the ambiance of it rly rly stand out, Cins coloring style has a way to make things rly look more vibrant and it showed especially clearly here :)!

In third place we have @afraid-of-the-deep-sea with this piece that had me staring for a solid ten minutes straight

His use of texture and the symbolism was SPECTACULAR are you SEEING THIS IM SICKKK, once again a VERY unique piece that rly took ownership of the prompt, absolutely stunning, the colors were wonderfully vibrant and the whole thing has a way of sticking to you, amazing job

In fourth place we have @maractius with this beautiful piece right here

ARE YOU SEEING THAT USE OF COLORS OUGHH, the coloring and rendering is insanely good, and their expressions are soso strong, literally obsessed w this, the way theres not a single stretch of canvas that isn't occupied in some way without making it look cluttered is rly rly interesting and well done, and the subtle shift in perspective is just the final detail that makes this an insanely good piece

And finally in fifth place we have @candiedfright ! With this absolutely lovely piece

Ouuu this is so pretty 😭😭 the way they arranged the piece gave it a rly strong sense of depth, which in turn makes this piece feel like something ripped straight out of a movie, the way they handled shading only adding to it, SUCH a gorgeous job they did amazing

Now! Onto Honorable Mentions! :)

In honorable mentions we have @tedlebred s stunning piece

Are you seeing that RENDERING OMIFHE obsessed, i love the way they implemented the flower details in their hair and their decision on the change of the setting, turning the prompt into a photograph and making the text into part of that new setting was a super clever choice that rly made their piece stand out :)

We also have @spiderbends with this rly wonderfully soft piece!

The change in pose was so fun and so well done, that coupled with the change in expressions to ones much softer completely changes the vibe of the prompt and turns into something you could almost call playful! Taking the text from something confrontational to something teasing, rly rly lovely job!

Up next we have @seukorei with this lovely piece!

Once again we have a change in pose that works beautifully to change the tone of the prompt, the shading and the colors chosen give this piece an almost melancholic atmosphere that manages to also be incredibly soft, truly wonderful job once again :)

And for our final honorable mention we have @lotus-pear ! With this pretty number

THE POSEE, ouuu you guys r killing me w these pose changes! The new closeness of the two characters gives it a much more intimate vibe, coupled w their expressions it does a lovely job at emitting a sense of trust and comfortability between them thats just rly beautiful to see! Rly love job

Aaaand that abt wraps things up! I wanted to add more honorable mentions but i already added more than i was intending to 💔💔 choosing at all was rly rly hard

I wanna thank everyone once again for participating this was truly a rly nice experience and you guys did an amazing job! :)!!

[dirtysvthoughts]

strawberry icing on your lips 🍓 - svthub valentine’s day collab

tags/warnings: fluff for the first half, smut for the second half, a bit of pwp, boyfriend! shua, female! reader, baking at home, lots of kissing, fingering, nana tour inspired, shua’s kinda a flirt in this one heh

word count: 1.45k

notes: hey besties! happy love day and i’m beyond excited to share my first svthub collab work! this valentine’s day collab was hosted by the amazing @wongyuseokie thank you supporting us! 🥰 please check out the other author’s works as well! :) this is my next biggest work for shua after private dancer, so i hope you all enjoy! to my lovely valentine @gyuhanniescarat i hope you enjoy reading and i love you have a safe and beautiful valentine’s day & carat day! 🥰

“okay, flour, eggs, milk.. what else are missing?” you ask observing the ingredients in front of you, moving them around to make sure nothing was hidden.

“are the strawberries on the table? oh man, we almost forgot the butter too!” your boyfriend remembers walking to the fridge, reaching for the said items.

you and your boyfriend joshua have been together for three years and the two valentine’s days you’ve spent together have been nothing short of wonderful. for the past two years, you’ve gone out on valentine’s day, but after he came back from a recent europe trip, both of you decided to stay at home this year. you wanted to give him some time to relax and get readjusted to being back at home.

in recounting his europe adventures, he told the story of the time he took a cooking class in rome. he made four different pastas from scratch, all with delicious sauces and wine pairings. hearing joshua tell you of his experience with the excitement and joy made your heart swell, which led you to an idea.

“hey josh, instead of going out this year, why don’t we make our own dinner at home? it sounds like a lot of fun from what you just told me. ooh! we could even bake something too! i’ve been looking at a ton of new recipes lately!”

your boyfriend sweetly laughs at your enthusiasm and kisses your forehead, “let’s do it then! we’ll have a nice candlelit dinner at home this year.”

back in the present, you two have finally gathered all the ingredients to get started with your dessert course - vanilla cookies with a strawberry cream icing. since dinner wouldn’t take as long to make, you decided to get the dessert portion out of the way first.

“hmm let’s see, i’ll work on the flour mixture first, do you wanna work on the icing?” you ask joshua, setting the stainless steel bowls out on the counter. “sure! can you pass me the heavy cream and sugar?”

soon, a comfortable silence surrounds the kitchen, the two of you working side by side, mixing and whisking ingredients together. there is one moment where you accidentally reach for the butter at the same time, gently laughing together as joshua rubs your hand, admiring your soft, delicate skin. you can’t help but blush at the feeling of his hand on top of yours.

more time passes and now, you’re working on molding the shape of the cookies together. joshua is just about done with the icing as well, testing the ribbons of cream as it drips off the whisk and back into the bowl.

“babe,” he turns his head toward you, still focused on flattening what is now your sixth cookie. you hum in response, not looking up just yet. “can you taste the icing for me? i think it’s done, but it might be missing something.”

you finish molding your cookie and quickly grab a spoon from your utensil drawer. you scoop a small bit of icing on the edge of the spoon, nearly melting at the sweet taste and smooth texture of the icing dancing across your mouth.

“josh, this tastes so good!” you exclaim happily, scraping a bigger spoonful this time, giddy as ever as you put the spoon to your mouth again, loving how everything combined to make such a delicious icing. “you did amazing baby! it has the right of amount of sweetness and everything!”

this time, joshua can’t help but blush at your continuous flow of praise, but he also couldn’t help but get hot from watching you taste the icing - your cute lips pressing together and the humming you made the second time you taste tested was not helping the rush of blood that went down to his body.

joshua quickly notices that you have a little speck of icing left on your lips, quickly seizing it as an opportunity to give into temptation and get his hands on you.

“hey baby, you have a little something right-“ he drags out the last word as he holds your jaw with his right thumb gently, his soft, gentle lips meeting yours. the kiss takes you by surprise, but you quickly melt into your boyfriend’s touch as you tilt your head to give him more access inside of you. the two of you establish a rhythm for a few moments until you pull away first, slightly breathless and a pleasant, heavenly daze taking over your body.

“there,” joshua finishes, chuckling as he holds you by your waist, lifting you up so you can sit on the edge of the counter. he swipes his left thumb across your lips and licks his own while you watch, the motion sending arousal down your spine.

he doesn’t hesitate to kiss your neck soon after, quietly moaning as his lips nibbled on your body’s sensitive spots. you push your bowl full of cookie dough to the side as joshua’s hands come underneath your tank top, roaming your soft skin.

with ease, he takes off the piece of clothing, lips moving from your neck to the center of your chest. this time joshua becomes bolder, letting his tongue get some action as he licks and sucks on the space between your breasts.

“sh-shua.. shua, o-ohhh,” you moan out louder this time, wanting him to hear how good he’s making you feel. you’re so caught up in the pleasure that he was giving your chest that you don’t even notice his fingertips walking along your thighs, then underneath your skirt - and eventually to your panty line.

before you can even say anything, joshua’s fingers pull the waistband back and let it go, snapping against your waist. you gals and bite your lip in pleasure as your body goes slightly forward and joshua smirks in return. his fingers continue to tease at your panties, the pink lace nearly making him form heart eyes in front of you.

“you’re so pretty for me,” he breathes out, dragging your panties to the side with two fingers. “always, so, so pretty,” he repeats as he slowly inserts another two fingers inside of your core, chuckling at how wet you already are.

“coating my fingers and i haven’t even started with you yet,” he scoffs. “just a needy little girl, aren’t you?”

“only for you,” you whine back with doe eyes. “only you make me this wet.”

“good to know,” he smiles as he starts pushing his fingers in and out at a steady pace, your whines becoming more breathy and high pitched. “mmmm, more, shua - please, more…” you request, eyes starting to glisten like diamonds.

“i’ve thought about this before.. taking you down in the kitchen, especially while i was away taking those cooking classes.. just even imagining you pressing up against me while prepping the ingredients was enough to get me hard,” joshua confesses. “seeing you get so excited over the icing, i couldn’t help my myself baby,” he softly smiles as he holds you by your chin again and kisses you, this time, his fingers making a circular motion inside of you.

whatever noises you release now are deep inside of his mouth, craving for more of him as you entwine your tongue with his once again. you feel the pressure in your body start to build, knowing that you were going to come soon.

joshua then begins a scissoring motion in your pussy, the highest pitched noises you didn’t even know you could make were pouring out of your mouth like a river. you were practically panting joshua’s name out now, begging for him to make you come, promising you will come like a good girl.

after one particularly good thrust, you release all over his fingers, coating them in your deliciousness. you pant into his chest, leaning forward as you take in his scent again, trying to regain your breath, but not wanting to come down from the amazing high.

“i don’t know what tastes better, you or the icing,” joshua teases when you sit up, looking into his eyes.

“you flatter me,” you playfully roll your eyes as you hold his hand, turning around to take a look at the clock. “well, we still have some time left before we actually start cooking the main course.. did you wanna-“

before you can even finish your sentence, he hoists you up again, and laugh, legs immediately wrapping around his waist as he walks you to the bedroom.

“i haven’t even done half the things i wanted to do with you yet this valentine’s day.. c’mon my pretty girl,” joshua swoons, moving your hair from your eyes. “dinner can wait just a bit longer.”

[owe-143]

☆Felix x Black! Reader(Fem! Reader)♡

A/N: Hey black girlies 😍❤ I'm also a black girlie so I've been dying to do this!! Also, if you're not black and wanna read please do!! I don't really care just no hate!!! We need more kpop x black readers frr😭 Btw if u know any people who write them pls tell me! Uhm, one more thing, this is my first time writing like a story kinda one shot thing..? Basically, sorry if it isn't amazing. I'm still learning so pls enjoy ❣️❣️

Genre: Fluff☁💕 but sorta angsty??

Warnings: Nothing ✨

Summery: You're insecure about your curly hair so Felix tried to help you feel better ( and sorta failed)

You frowned, staring at your reflection in the mirror. It wasn't a pretty sight, you thought. Your hair was so messy and boring. This definitely wasn't how you wanted to start the day with. Especially since you have a date with Felix. Dealing with this mess of hair you couldn't control? Huge bummer. Though with a problem, there's always a solution.

You slid open your vanity drawer, rummaging around all the random hair products and combs. Your face brightened as you pulled out a hair straightener

"Perfect! "

You found a place to plug it in. You turned on the device, unsure of what to do next. You hadn't actually had any experience with straightening your hair. This is the first time but dealing with your stupid curly hair is way harder. What was difficult about straight hair? You shrugged of the feeling of uneasiness.

You placed the straightener near your hair. You hesitated slightly, placing the curly ends of your hair in between the tool. You worried that it would burn your hair or something. You've seen plenty girls on social media though doing it for real is nerve wrecking.

You press the straightener down onto your hair, leaving it for a few seconds before satisfyingly pulling it away. You were astonished to find how well it worked out! Your hair was straight and some how not burned. Eagerness and excitement took over your whole body. You pulled the hair straightener back to try another piece of hair

"Sunshine~ Are you almost rea-"

Felix stopped mid sentence, standing frozen at the doorway. You hadn't noticed him at all as you successfully straitened more bunches of hair. Felix moved so quickly, you couldn't react to how he carefully snatched the hair tool away. He unplugged then placed it on your vanity table.

You stared at him, a look of surprise. Felix stared back at you, instead with eyes of worry. A loud silence echoed around the room. You wanted to say something, but what? That you didn't know

"I like your hair"

Felix stated. You cocked an eyebrow, unsure of what he was on about. Felix noticed this so he continues

"You don't have to straighten it, is all I'm saying. You have a beautiful hair texture"

Felix shrugged, staring at you. His face had a sense of calmness but you could tell he wanted to say more.

"There's nothing special about it. It's honestly boring and difficult to manage"

You respond in a monotone voice. Felix couldn't tell whether you were just saying that or you were serious. He crossed his arms and hummed in thought

"Well... "

Felix pulled you into his chest, holding you in a tight hug

"That doesn't mean you should change it. You've never straightened it before. I don't get it... "

You listened to the concern in his voice. It hurt you to make him feel this way. Felix hates it when you change something about yourself. He'd rather get stabbed a billion times than not have the real you.

"It's complicated" You answer

"Then explain it to me"

Felix wasn't backing down any time soon. He needed to know what you hated so much about your hair. You may think he doesn't know, but he knows. He knows how you wish your hair was straight. He knows how you wish you didn't have to deal with such a 'messy' hair type. Felix knew everything and it hurt him every time you said something bad about yourself. Sure, Felix isn't in your position, so he'd never know why you feel this way. He wanted to know though. Every little detail.

"We're gonna be late for our date, you know?" You didn't know what else to say

"I don't care. We're not going anymore"

Felix pulled away. He held your hands tightly and scanned your face. You were about to question it but he stopped you

"We're not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong with your hair. And don't use those lame excuses. Be honest with me... "

"I dunno"

"You can't not know. Are you insecure about your hair or something? "

Silence filled the room. For the first time, you didn't have an answer. You didn't say anything. It was weird. Imagine being insecure about your hair?

"No"

You lied. Felix sighed. He knows you're not telling the truth.

"Fine...but 𝘐 like your hair, alright? I think.. I think it's so unique and special. There's only so much I can do with mine. Yours has so many possibilities. I love it just like I love you"

Felix kissed your forehead. His hands let go of yours. You stared blankly at him, unable to form a proper sentence. His words were so simple. This touched your heart though.

Felix strolled away from you, stepping out the door. He gave you a quick smile before leaving and closing the door behind him. You wanted to tell him to come back. You decided against it.

Staring at your reflection in the vanity mirror had you realize something. Your hair was yours and there was nothing hair products or even a straightener could fix. You still hated that. You knew Felix only cares about you. He worries too much, you thought. You picked up the hair straightener again, plugging it in. Your reflection seemed to be mocking you. You ignored it. It was all your decision. What more can an insecure black girl do?

Please tell me what you think!!

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi hi I'm a new anon in your vicinity and I just need to rant about this like blatant racism

I'm in highschool, I was 16 at the time, and I was in the theater program. I was a part of the props crew and out area was very secluded and had no cameras so obviously it was the place to vape and everyone did it including me and a lot of my friends. One day the smell got really strong and at the next meeting the head of props was confronted by the director about it and they panicked and gave him a list that included me. Obviously I freak out after they told me like anyone would do but ultimately the director never ended up telling anyone's parents.

Fast forward to the interviews for the next theater production and the director asks me about the vaping thing. I think "Oh okay you did still care cool glad that's all this came to." and I tell my friends about it because he gave me a funny look.

Turns out I was the only person he ever asked about the vaping situation. Wanna know what the rest of my friends have in common that I don't? They're all white. I was the only Black person to get caught up in that situation and I was the only person to be directly confronted about it after he had received the list of vapers. The only one.

Everyone likes to pretend this director is so great but this is not the first or the last time he's shown he clearly holds a negative bias against Black people. Another more prominent example being his refusal to take the necessary steps to have Black actors get proper hair and makeup. The hair crew is white and they don't have experience with textured hair and expected the actors to just deal with it. He refused to let makeup use proper shades of makeup to match a Black complexion he's acting like they're white and they end up looking stupid because they have makeup 50 shades lighter than the rest of their body because he won't acknowledge that the same makeup doesn't work on everyone. It's not like we lack the money or people because we absolutely have every resource we need to do that it's just him not wanting it.

"16 at the time" lol you said that like you were so young, baby you can't be that much older 🤣

And that's incredibly unfortunate to hear, and unfortunately not an uncommon experience when you get into the acting or modeling world as a career, either. I hate that he's putting y'all through that so young, but these teachers be hella racist out here.

Does every Black theatre kid have a racist story 😅 I had a white classmate that LOVED saying the n-word. Like, would say it as an expletive or just for fun, like how you'd say "fuck". No one ever did anything, the other Black theatre kids just kind of rolled their eyes. I personally didn't swing on him bc I was trying to go to college and not jail, but MAN I look back and I shoulda.

So. I don't wanna say start a riot bc the school to prison pipeline is every thirsty for Black children but... Might be time to talk to your parents about the guy. Especially when he's got y'all out there 40 shades lighter and poorly lit for no reason. That is something that can be easily addressed if enough of you speak up about it. Because how can he "let" y'all do anything, if y'all brought the right foundation and said "put it on my face". But you shouldn't have to do that.

[ribbonetteart]

Tribute to one of my favorite movies of all time + the franchise that has me in a death grip 💖

a bit late for Christmas but at least Valentine's day is around the corner ^^;;

Process below if that interests you:

AS I SAID EARLIER, I had been working on this piece as early as December of 2021 😱!!!

This was the original sketch! I was inspired after learning about Blaze's own design inspiration coming from Takarazuka theater, as well as it being the Nutcracker season so this film was in bouncing around in my head.

and this was allllll the way back in 2021 ^^; I had put the idea to paper to capture the image in my head immediately. But the idea in my head was extravagant and beautiful and would certainly take time to complete, as well as the patience and skill to work with watercolor 😔 I've certainly done my share of watercolor, both physical and digital, but I still feel like my physical watercolor work is a fluke, and I was still a novice digital artist at the time of this sketch.

In short, I wasn't confident my skill could live up to the vision.

So I would put this on the back burner. It wouldn't be ready in time for Christmas, and I could use this as an opportunity to hone that digital art experience so it could be ready next year!

2 Years Later...

It's December 5th. Fuck it. Let's crack this open again, I tell myself.

SO starting with the line art, it's actually 2 different brushes layered over one another.

I also changed Sonic's expression to be more love struck-looking, because I'm a sucker for romance.

The image on the left is a watercolor line brush, while the right is a pencil brush. The reason I wanted a water color look was because I thought it would make the illustration look dreamy and fantastical, and I wanted that to extend to the line art as well. However, my usual lines on traditional usually veer more towards thick and cartoony from years of studying the Sonic art style, so I really felt like I was working against myself here. I had also asked friends for their input and they preferred the lines on the right as well. If my followers actually do read these blog posts, I'd love if you could comment which line art style you prefer drawing or looking at.

The happy medium was to just combine the 2. Here's a better look at that:

I like it! I think it combines the solid line with the rustic water color grain. Best of both worlds :]

For the actual painting, The most notable thing I can say is that getting the right pastel-y color was VERY difficult to achieve for someone like me who often loves to use bright and saturated colors in her art. I feel like I really set myself up to do one of those "evil art style" or "opposite art style" challenges I've been seeing around. I had to repaint Sonic at one paint because the blue of his fur was WAY too saturated for the style I was going for:

I started with painting Sonic and Blaze in first and then working on the background. I think that's probably the backwards way of doing it but one of the perks of digital art is you can do stuff any order you want when you have layers.

The background wasn't actually as difficult as I thought it would be. I wasn't going for any difficult perspective, and I was using a reference so that could be it. I'm usually averse to backgrounds but I really wanna tackle more of my weak points in art. I actually had way more fun than I was expecting, painting the sky and adding texture to the grass. I think I had the most fun rendering the water coming from the fountain (which you can't even see too well anyway, lol).

Funny enough, I had just about finished painting the characters and background by early January. So why am I posting this in February?

The Flowers...

In case you don't know. I love flowers. I love looking at them, I love learning about flower languages, I love drawing them. so seeing that my reference image showed flowers circling the fountain, I was excited! I was already having more fun than I expected to be having (working against my usual style, rendering a background), so how could this be a pain in the ass?

Well, I am my own worst enemy 😞I couldn't exactly identify each flower offhand from this screenshot alone. The texture of the flowers is kinda grainy, since I don't think the animators were expecting viewers to look too closely at the set piece to use as reference for my lovingly crafted crossover fanart. If anyone has this in high quality though, please tell me.

(I think I actually got this reference from a tumblr post but I can't find it on my blog for the life of me nor can I find it in the tags I'm so sorry)

I'm a huge stickler for details so I really wanted to be as "accurate" as possible in my illustration. I can hardly identify some of these flowers with confidence. I think there are roses in there? or tulips? I'm not sure if those yellow flowers are roses or some kinda petunia or if I'm way off.

I'm sure these details won't matter to most viewers but it was EATING AWAY AT ME. Eventually I decided to try drawing in flowers that might look similar to the ones in the reference. Or some based on their flower languages. I was certainly overthinking it ;;;; It led me to going "fuck it" and just throwing in whatever I wanted. There are no irises visible in that screenshot but I made it the centerpiece of the flower ring. Who give a shit.

I made some guides for me to follow: The blue ring was so I could make sure the flowers make a half circular border around Sonic and Blaze. I was envisioning how it could look as like an icon or sticker or something, which is why it's framed this way. then the second guide is the sketch of the flowers I made. I always do line art and I'm not great at just improvising with color to paper, or color to screen in this case.

The rest of this process is then just working on each flower piece by piece (with the help of the mirror tool of course) with varying degrees of detail. Some flowers are more abstract than others, and I had debated if that would look jarring and disrupted any kind of harmony I was trying to maintain with the style parameters I set for myself. And then I decided I was overthinking it once again which is why this was taking me nearly 2 months to complete.

At some point during this process, my wifi went out for a whole week! Of course, I could still work on this illustration offline, but I had a lot of tabs open with a bunch of reference images on there (plus I like to listen to music while I draw otherwise I lose focus and I had neglected to download a varied selection on my phone or laptop 😭 Learn from my mistakes).

The most tedious of this process was making each set of gladioluses a unique color.

Was it worth it? You tell me! I think they're pretty, at least.

Along the way, I repainted the grass because it wasn't symmetrical (It didn't need to be but I had been using the mirror tool for a lot at this point and it was bugging me). I made other little final adjustments, like color adjusting the leaves on the flowers, lowering the flower ring border, and so on.

Ultimately, I'm extremely satisfied with the final product. I had my heart set on doing something like this for a long time. I had so much fun just experimenting throwing on color or not worrying about technical stuff. Of course, I did do what I usually do and overthink it at some points, but I'm working on it!

I've wanted to do an extremely indulgent AU illustration and other drawings for a Sonic x The Nutcracker story for a long while. I will be totally honest, I'm still a little embarrassed to share stuff like this, even after years of posting fan art online. It feels like the more self indulgent something is, the more people might judge me for it ^^; But I wanna practice what I preach and kill the thing inside me that cringes at my harmless attempts at joy and whimsy.

I would love to do some more drawings for this AU, but maybe post them around December when it would be more seasonally appropriate. I hope you'll stick around for it!

If you read this whole thing to the end, thank you. Whether you follow my blog or not, I hope you have a lovely day :3💝

[draco-vs-decoy]

*Vomits* *throws up* Lordy figuring out how to rig is a pain! but fun! Fun pain! Fupain! Been experimenting with maya's IK handles to work with this guy, it's quite interesting and getting me results close to what I want but not quite, I'm likely gonna ask game artist Richard Bryce Gore (Bradley Professor) for help, as he knows his rigs.

Not a lot of photos to show off this time, as much of the work outside of polishing off the textures are internal. I have not assigned controllers yet BUT. yknow. working on it. I think the biggest hurdle right now is looking to be properly weighting the model, as AAAGFGH its a mess. The mirror ain't working! But I'm excited to persevere >:]

KILL

Additionally, on the texture editing thing, She's almost done! I need to add a few final touches to make the scales look finished, including adding more highlights, fleshing out individual scales, rendering the wing membrane more, and more of the birch stripes that she's got. Also I can't forget to texture the teeth and eyes fully!

Cya next time, hopefully with a fully weighted dragon! Also likely more progress on the knight character next time. I wanna start sculpting soon.

also my gyatt sorry httyd fans but continuing to tag this as Httyd because cmon. look at the thing. I want fans

[lilmissasap]

a little rant while im on break at my job

okay i know we're supposed to like ghostflower ships but i... i have some thoughts.

i see the love and lust between those two in into the spiderverse, miles is so giggly around gwen and gwen is slightly less unhinged (you ALL know what im getting at, love her but our good sis gwen is.... *hand motion*) etc. allat good stuff.

but i can't see that happening especially w the events of atsv, like there's definitely room for patching up the relationship but anything romantic between the two would feel forced as fuck i feel like. and maybe that's just me being an intensely passionate empath who likes to act like a nonchalant lil asshole, but still. i LOVE gwen, sony set her up beautifully for an amazing character arc that i'm so excited to see in the next one. HOWEVER, also this could just be me being an annoying little afro latina shit, she's not coming back from opening the collectible, going through miles' sketchbook w/o permission, and the shoes on the bed. that doesn't mean i HATE her i just can't look at her the same.

now a bitch is biased because black love is forever 🔛🔝, but also in the comics and video game miles has a black love interest. there was definitely also THE connection w/ miles and margo (however i'm also kinda in favor of prowlerbyte anyway--), and lil old me in the theatre was loosing it. i think that staying true to the aspect of black love interests is also going to be so important for the community, both comic/video game fans and black fans alike, mainly because of how black men interact with black women. speaking from experience i can't even count how many times i wanted to be the short lil white girl with blue eyes and blonde hair instead of the tall and awkward black girl with the wide nose and corkscrew curls. now here's where i think my personal bias kind of skews my opinion on this, but this franchise has been so important to SO many people. again speaking from experience, when i saw miles in atsv with the EXACT same hair texture as me i almost cried because no one in the history of ever has animated my kind of hair right and miles' hair was right. on top of this i saw so many little black boys practically tripping and falling in anticipation to see this movie in theatres. so i think i favor miles having a relationship with a black girl because this will reach such a new audience and possibly open doors for black men and boys to start treating black somebody and girls with respect. because if these little boys in the theatre see their like, idol for lack of a better word, treating black women and girls with respect i think then there's gonna be an aspect of healing within that.

i'm not really sure how well i'm communicating this, but i don't really think i can fully get behind the ghostflower ship. to me it feels really fucking forced in a way that kinda icks me out, however this is not to say i won't absolutely love the shit out of these two if it happens. in a way, this franchise feels like something the black community needs in several ways. like yeah this shit is pro black but FULLY pro black, not pro-black but anti gay, trans, or whatever the fuck. it shows blackness in a new way, artsy and nerdy but also really fucking cool at the same time and i never fucking got that as a little kid. like i kid you not the other black kids in school would call me a wanna be white girl. and to see someone with similar interests as me just sort of opens the world up??? like i visited my older sister at school in the dmv while wearing a spiderverse hoodie, and people actually wanted to talk to me about it!!! like not ina "oh i like ur sweatshirt ma" type thing like a "omg you like this movie too??" type thing and i just--

yeah i def strayed from the topic, but i hope our baby does get his lil black girl (or his lil gwen, from a big sisters perspective i don't hate her as a prospective partner i just think that there would need to be a clear breakdown in the difference of cultures. for example i was taught that anytime you meet anyone formally (like a parent or something) you shake their hand and or go in for a hug and kiss BOTH cheeks and talk about their home their clothes or whatever) but for like the sake of authenticity (sorry to be that asshole but come ON) but like.... flowerbyte 🥰🥰

did this make sense i feel like i word vomited like a bitch, idk maybe i'm projecting my personal shit into a franchise i really like

[thefreakandthehair]

@eddiemonth prompt, oct 16th: Library | Eyes on Fire - Blue Foundation | Curious a/n: little Eddie & Wayne, ADHD!Eddie, pre-canon Eddie & Jonathan friendship. un-betaed because I'm challenging myself to write these in under an hour. read on ao3 | ao3 masterpost here

All his life, all seven years of it so far, Eddie has been told to be quiet, to sit still, and to not touch things. He can’t help it most of the time– there are so many things to explore, and learn, and find, so many different textures to feel. Eddie learns best when he’s able to physically hold something in hands to help him focus and it’s gotten him into trouble on more than one occasion. 

But living with Wayne, at least for the summer, he’s been given more opportunities than ever before to lean into his curious nature without being scolded. They’ve gone to museums, petting zoos, science centers, even the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Each new experience is a novelty and Eddie’s loved every single one of them. Today though, Eddie’s nervous. 

“You almost ready, kid?” Wayne pokes his head into Eddie’s bedroom, warm smile and a cocked eyebrow. Eddie’s been taking his time, untying and retying his shoelaces over and over to stall. 

“Uh, yeah! Yeah, I’m ready.” Eddie offers a tight smile, one that feels faux even to him. 

“Do you not wanna go? We can try something else if the library isn’t your thing.” 

Eddie shakes his head. “No, I wanna go! It’s just…”

Wayne enters the room fully, sitting down on the bed next to Eddie who fidgets with his fingers and looks down at the floor, his feet swaying back and forth over the edge of the bed.

“Just what?” He doesn’t touch him, but Wayne’s presence alone is comforting enough. 

“What if I get in trouble? Aren’t you supposed to be super quiet and stuff in libraries?” 

Eddie knows Wayne well enough by now to know that he’d never get in trouble that way that he has with his dad, but he doesn’t want to disappoint or embarrass Wayne, either. 

“Well, yeah, on the grown up floor for the cranky old guys like me,” Wayne bumps his shoulder against Eddie’s, and Eddie can’t help but smile– real this time. “But there’s a whole children’s room that has games, lots of books, fun stuff. And if it feels like too much, you just give me our little signal and we’re outta there.” 

When Eddie first started going places with Wayne, they’d developed their secret signal that probably wasn't too secret but worked just the same– Eddie would stand next to Wayne and step on his foot. Not hard, not enough to hurt, but enough that Wayne would notice, look down, and see Eddie’s overwhelm. And like promised, they’re outta there. No questions asked. 

“Okay, I think I’m ready then.” Eddie stands up and heads toward the front of the trailer. “Let’s go.” 

They’re at the library for all of a few minutes, Eddie hesitant to leave Wayne’s side as they scour the fantasy books, when he meets another kid around his age, maybe a little younger. Both boys go to reach for the same illustrated copy of a book about dragons. 

“Oh, sorry, you can take it,” Eddie offers, moving his hand instinctually. 

“No, no it’s okay, you were looking at it first. Go ahead.” The other boy responds, shrugging and looking back at the shelf. 

There’s a woman behind him, smiling down fondly as she speaks. “Sweetie, why don’t you share with your new friend?” 

“Yeah, if you wanna share, we could. Only if you want to though.” Eddie bounces on his heels, hopeful. He doesn’t get to make a lot of friends when he’s home with his parents. 

“Okay, yeah,” the little boy smiles carefully and pulls the book from the shelf. 

Eddie follows him to a small table at the end of the aisle and they pour over the pages, full of colorful illustrations and short stories. Eddie loses track of time, but he and his new friend, who he learns is named Jonathan, are just kids who don’t need to watch the clock. 

They finish the book and return for another, and then another. Eddie's disappointed when the day ends and they have to leave, but he sees Wayne trade contact information with Jonathan's mom, Joyce.

"We'll see you again next week, Eddie. It was so nice to meet you." Joyce smiles, sweet and comforting, and Eddie isn't so afraid of the library anymore.

[sakuralovespossums]

Nikolai Gogol x Autistic Reader

(Because I haven’t been able to find any goddammit)

(Also I’ll be going off of my own autistic traits/experiences)

Warning: this is Nikolai, so expect gore, violence, and morbid thoughts

I feel like Nikolai wouldn’t really know much about autism or being neurodivergent. He’ll prbly go to Fyodor to learn more.

But he does know that you have certain interests, traits, dislikes, and ways of seeing things and thinking that differs from the most other people.

He loves that about you!

He likes to watch you stim and finds it funny and cute.

He’ll then join in cause it looks like fun!

Considering he already moves around a lot whenever he’s excited, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out he’s also on the spectrum.

Nikolai values freedom from physical/human constraints. So I feel like he might pity you for your aversions to certain textures, smells, foods, etc.

He can’t imagine how hellish it must be to imprisoned by all these overbearing stimulations.

If only he could shed you of your human body so that you can finally be free from all it all!

He’ll be more upset when he hears about any past negative experiences you may have had with ableist people and societal expectations.

Nikolai HATES being forced to conform!!! How dare they try to snap your wings!!

He’ll prbly teleport off somewhere to go torture/kill some random unlucky person to let out his anger.

Will casually describe his recent killings and tortures of his targets in the DOA to you with his upbeat demeanor. He might even show you pictures!

“This one’s one of my favorites!!! It almost looks like spaghetti noodles, doesn’t it?!”

It’s a picture of a government official having his brain pulled out through his nose.

If it makes you uncomfortable, he’d prbly find your discomfort odd but stop.

Since you tell him a lot about your hyperfixations and special interests, he likes to describe his disturbing knowledge on the human body and all the creative ways to kill and harm them.

Man will randomly bite you like a dog. Have you seen those teeth?

Nikolai would definitely pick you up and toss you around in and out of his cape portal like a toy, if you happen to be short.

Hell, he’ll do it regardless of your height. He’s already taller than everyone.

Sure, you can touch his hair! Just don’t pull or he’ll bite your fingers off, hehehe!!

………………….

When your having a sensory overload/panic attack, he’ll immediately notice and teleport you both out of there to a much quieter place.

Nikolai means well and does like you, but he’s also a rather twisted clown who likes engaging in dangerous “games”

“Hey y/n!!! Wanna play this quiz where every time you lose, you have to stick a needle under a toenail?!”

“What?! You don’t?! That’s too bad! Aw well, maybe next time!”

Nikolai holds a deep resentment towards you for tying him down with human emotions and desires (love, patience, etc) and wants to kill you so that he can free himself.

There have been numerous times where he almost goes through with killing you in some brutal way. Yet he always stops at the very last moment since he can’t bring himself to do it.

Random headcanon: Nikolai would be a huge fan of the Saw and Terrifier movies

[sweetmariihs2]

Huge vent: My parents don't know how someone with autism struggles with some stuff, and if I tell them that I am struggling because I am autistic, they will say I'm using my own neurodivergence as an excuse. Yipee

Some time ago, my psychologist wanted to take some neurodivergence/QI tests with me because she saw some autistic behaviors and wanted to find out through tests.

I asked myself this too, because I was seeing too many behaviors in myself that neurodivergent people say it comes from their neurodivergences, I always felt a "weirdo" my whole life because I had these behaviors, like hyperfocus, hating how people don't directly communicate with eachother, picky eater, can feel when something has changed in a recipe, have a low social filter like you tend not to notice when people are making fun of you or someone says you acted in a "rude" manner when in fact in your head you were just being nice, masking expressions and memorizing lines to get along in social situations

When I told my mom this and showed her some neurodivergent people on the internet talking about unusual experiences and feelings that were exactly like the ones that I have but said that it was because of their neurodivergences, my mom rolled her eyes and spoke rudely to me "Everyone is autistic/has ADHD today. People like to get attention. Daughter YOU ARE NORMAL, just because you identify with people on the internet doesn't mean you have anything. Everyone can relate to things like this."

But after I asked her so many times to try having those tests, she finally decided to let me do it. I think it was because she thought I wouldn't have anything and I would finally understand that I'm """normal"""

So after I told my psychologyst and my parents that I was suspecting that maybe I had a neurodivergence, after tons of asks, they finally started doing the tests.

Because I carried out these tests in several consultations with a psychologist every few weeks, they lasted for a few months. At first my psychologyst told me that they were just IQ and mental health tests, but one day my family and I went out to dinner and my mother said "we asked your psychologist to do tests on you to find out if you have any neurodivergence, and also your mental health and IQ, because you wanted to know if you had it" and that left me a little confused because that wasn't what the psychologist said, so I realized that something didn't made sense there. At the next appointment I looked at the book where the tests were and the word "neurodivergence" was also written there, so I started to wonder why my psychologist wasn't telling me this, but I decided not to say anything to her and continued taking the tests.

Minimal detail that confused me even more: During those months between tests, I traveled for a weekend with my parents. They left the house angry because we were late and we didn't had breakfast, so we went to a snack bar to buy some snacks for the trip. I ordered a food with chicken filling (brazillian food, like the famous coxinha, but it's called "salgado pastel", same dough just a different shape) and because of the rush we got into the car and only on the road I found out that the filling was actually ground beef, which I hate because of the texture, I always did, so I couldn't eat it. For some reason my parents were very angry about this, and they said things like "you have to stop creating these blocks in your head, just eat, you eat meat, it just has a different texture" and I said "I know that, but chewing it makes me sick, I can't eat it, makes me wanna puke" and they know that very well.

Until my mother said "you have no justification for this, your psychologist said that you are not autistic, you don't have any neurodivergence, so there is no reason for you to create these mental blocks" (them: personal boundaries and preferences)

Her telling me this made me even more confused, because I had already been adapting to the idea of ​​being autistic for months, I knew I was, and being autistic explained everything about me that I thought was "weird" my whole life. So after hearing my parents yelling at me for 20 minutes straight, what my mom said kept playing in my mind and I thought "I can't believe it. So these doubts I have about myself, these questions I've had my whole life of 'why am I like this? why am I weird?' will never be answered. And in the end, I'm just an outcast for no reason."

Time passed and I kept doing the tests. My psychologist said that as soon as the tests were finished she would call my parents to see the results. When they were finished, I spent time waiting for the results, weeks, thinking about what would appear on paper. I sometimes saw my psychologist on the street and she said she was just waiting for the results, the documents, I'm not sure. So I was really anxious for a few weeks. She set the day for my parents to go there, and they finally went. They arrived home at night and invited me to talk at the dinner table with the results at hand. I won't say much about it, but it was there, confirmed, I am level 1 autistic. My parents' reaction was funny, they were reacting like straight parents who found out that their son is gay, "it's okay son, we still love you, even if you're like this. This doesn't change anything at all, you're still normal to us" 😭 their choice of words and point of view is questionable, but they don't do it on purpose, it's because of the generation they grew up in, at the end their intentions are good, they just don't know how to put them in practice properly.

I went back to my psychologist and we talked about it, she asked me about how the conversation went, my reaction, what my parents told me, and I said that they told me everything, they read all the papers one by one showing me the page per page, they even let me read it, so I knew everything that was written there. And then my psychologist told me something. That before starting taking the tests, SHE had spoke to my parents about it because SHE saw some autistic behaviors in me, so it wasn't just me who was thinking about this.

She told me that she spoke to my parents about it and they said "yes yes our daughter was really talking about this" and they decided to do it, BUT, they told her that they weren't sure if taking a neurodivergence test (that means, discovering how my own mind works and understanding myself better) would be a good idea cuz if I found out I'm something, I'm going to use this info to "play the victim" like HELLO??? LIKE WHEN DID I?!?? HOW?!???!?

Put this together with that situation of my mom saying "everyone is autistic today, people like to get attention", or my parents mad because I didn't wanted to eat something and saying I had no excuse for creating those "mental blocks" because "my psychologist told them I wasn't autistic, so it didn't made sense". I TOLD MY PSYCHOLOGYST THIS AFTER I SAW THE RESULTS, AND SHE SAID SHE NEVER SAID THIS TO THEM! EVER! Actually, what she did told my parents was that I had SEVERAL autistic behaviors and she offered trying to do tests, nothing more.

My parents told my psychologyst to tell me she was only making "QI and mental health" tests, because they were afraid of me faking the test to get the result that I want (?!???!?). And my psychologist found that really weird because she really doubted that someone who doesn't know a thing about psychology could fake those tests, so me knowing it was a neurodivergence test or not it wouldn't change anything, I couldn't fake it even if I wanted to! But she decided to respect their decision. Like parents what the actual fuck

And it's weird that THEY told me it was a QI + mental healt + neurodivergence test, after they told my psychologyst not to. Maybe they stopped caring mid tests about me finding out, maybe they thought a little more about what my psychologist said about not being possible to fake that test. Maybe having that conversation:

Parents: We want her to do the tests but don't tell her what it is fully for cuz she might fake the results (which doesn't make any sense why the hell would I want to fake something like this)

Psychologist: um actually you can't fake it even if you wanted to, so it doesn't change anything

*and after that conversation two things happened: my psychologist respected their decision about not telling me, and my parents got out of there thinking "well, she said it doesn't change anything so let's tell our daughter ourselves"*

Which made this whole mess

It turns out that I am indeed autistic; despite doing the tests blindly, despite not really knowing what it was for, despite my mom telling me 191892827 times that I wasn't and lying to me about my psychologist saying that I'm not (which never ever happened)

AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE: They weren't even sure if they would tell ME about MY OWN NEURODIVERGENCE, because they were afraid I would use it to "play the victim" LIKE I'M THE KIND OF PERSO WHO DOES THAT

WHAT THE FUCK #!?!?#?@? WHAT??#??@?

I spent an unhealthy amount of time wondering why my parents were trying to keep this from me, and why do they see me like this.

I am fully aware that for many years, since childhood, my parents do not accept that I have different tastes and preferences.

My mom doesn't accept me dressing how I want, there was a time when I was very insecure and dressed tomboyish in an attempt to hide myself, but I dreamed of wearing anime skirts and being a soft girl style, I just didn't have the confidence (we are talking about 2018/2019). My mom complained a lot back then about how she couldn't dress me anymore. Nowadays, after recovering, I wear coquette style clothes, which is what I always liked but I just didn't had any confidence. And she even says "If you let me dress you, you would see how many compliments you would get", and I always answer "I don't care about the compliments, I just want to feel good in my clothes"

She keeps repeating comments about how "when I was young she dressed me I looked like a princess". Everyone gave me compliments, she gets a lot of compliments on the clothes she wears, my father says "daughter, your mom knows about clothes, let her dress you" and I don't even wear a style that would make their internalized homophobia frustrated like a masc style, IT'S COQUETTE! IT'S EXTREMELY FEMININE! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME WAAAA

That's my pinterest board. I LITERALLY HAVE some of these clothes and make outfits that are similar to these. What are they talking about why are they mad

They don't like the idea of me having boundaries. Whey they do something that I don't, like eat something that I don't, wear something that I don't, do something that I don't, they always said I'm creating a "psychological block", I'm stopping myself from doing things because I put it in my head. "You don't eat something because it gives you the ick? Stop putting that in your head, everyone does it" "You don't wear the clothes I wear? Stop putting that in your head daughter, everyone does it"

And you know what's funniest for me? Of everything? I've been told all my life that I put things in my head about things that are actually boundaries and personal tastes, but now that I discovered that I'm autistic, I actually discovered that this is related to my autism!

I don't eat corn, peanuts, or any grains since I was younger, and they've been treating me like I'm crazy since always, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THE TEXTURE! AUTISM!

I don't wore jewlery for a long time and this made my mom pissed for years, till this day I don't wear rings or bracelets because they make me uncomfortable, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF TEXTURE AGAIN! AUTISM

I had crazy "anxiety attacks" when I entered highschool, everything was too noisy, too hot, too many people, too many voices, closed in four walls for 9 hours per day, when it was too much I felt like I needed to scream, I cried, felt my chest hurt, and the people talking around me were still too loud, I didn't know why. I WAS OVERESTIMULATED!

"We don't know what's wrong with you, you keep putting those things in your head" NOW YOU DO! I'M AUTISTIC AND THESE WERE MY AUTISTIC BEHAVIORS! YAY!

And to make matters worse, remember how I said that my parents said they didn't want me to find out that I'm autistic because I would use that to "play the victim"? These behaviors of mine that they condemned for so long were autistic behaviors. And now that I know what they are, I can't say that I have difficulties because of my neurodivergence, because for them, I'll be playing the victim.

I've always had these difficulties, such as sensitivity to loud noises. But if I say "my ears are sensitive because I'm autistic" my parents will say that I'm using that as an excuse for something. "before you found out, you didn't use that as a justification for everything" DON'T YOU SAY!

I have a neurodivergence. I have difficulties with it and I need support, I always did, but now I found out the reason and I need you to understand that my brain doesn't work like yours. But if I tell you "my brain doesn't work like yours" you'll say "stop using that to victimize yourself! You're ""normal""

No hell I'm not neurotypical. My world isn't the same as yours. How am I supposed to ask my parents for support when we're at a party and I'm feeling overestimulated and the noises are too loud, if they answer with "stop using this as an excuse"

They didn't told me this yet, but it's because I'm not mentioning my autism in front of them. Some time ago I was playing videogame with my brother and the volume was too loud, it happened once, I told him

"arrgggg turn down the volume, the sound is too loud and it hurts my ears",

my brother said "it doesn't hurt mine"

and I said "you know i'm autistic"

but then he started saying "ever since you found out you're autistic you've been playing the victim."

I tried to explain to him that I always were, and now I can explain where my behaviors came from. I said "if you discovered that something you endure with is actually because of your neurodivergence, wouldn't you explain it to people? After all you're not like everyone else, you need support in some areas" and he said "lol no I would only make jokes about it BC it's nothing at all" (he's the kind of boy who makes fun of it)

I don't wanna try to do this next to my parents. I will hear worse stuff and only be reminded about how my parents don't respect my boundaries. This week there was an interclass championship at my school, the noises were very loud, very very loud, my ears were hurting so much that I couldn't stand it to the point of not giving a damn about what the teachers would say about "staying on the court" and I just left running out of there with my ears covered, extremely overstimulated. My mother stopped by while I was still there, I don't know exactly what she was doing there, but she greeted me and everything. And at that time the entire stand started shouting about a goal, and I already had my ears covered and an extremely uncomfortable expression on my face. When I got home later I talked about how being on the court was stressful and there was a lot of noise, and she said "yeah, I saw you there"

And I just. Couldn't tell her about the struggle I was in and how this was related to me being autistic. Because she wouldn't understand.

[half-dead-writer]

READ PART 1 FIRST

More fluff to come in the next chapter. Idk how many chapters I will write, but I wanna squeeze out my every highschool!Matthew idea into this fic sooo we'll see. I love the "pre-dating moments of unsure pining" so expect more of that, it's my self indulgence

Stupid For You (2/?)

Both you and Matthew notice the slowly growing tension between you two, yet do nothing to point it out, too anxious of the other's opinion on it. Then, you watch a movie, and Matthew gets even more convinced he's falling for you.

character: Matthew Patel (Scott Pilgrim Takes Off) words: 2k reader: transmasc warnings: none

𝔯𝔲𝔩𝔢𝔰 + 𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 / 𝔖𝔠𝔬𝔱𝔱 𝔓𝔦𝔩𝔤𝔯𝔦𝔪 𝔗𝔞𝔨𝔢𝔰 𝔒𝔣𝔣 𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱

Aside from the loud tapping of your keyboard and occasional sounds of the pages turning, the room was dead quiet. Stretching your aching back and facing away from your laptop, the boredom finally overpowered you. Hours staring at the school assignment took a toll on you, forcing you to shift your attention somewhere else.

Taking a break from staring at the screen, your sight wandered to your bed. It was occupied by Matthew, your classmate and probably the only person at school you liked. You wouldn't describe your relationship as best friends, but you were still fairly close. The first few times you picked each other as the assignment or P.E. partners out of necessity was a bit awkward, but it always could be worse! You had some good times in the short time span you knew each other, and as it turned out, you clicked pretty well.

Your eyes traced the shape of Matthew's face, examining his focused features. He was hunched over a textbook, looking for more information on the topic you were discussing. He took this pretty seriously, determined to get a good grade from this project.

His sideburns grew a lot since you first met him. The boy noticed you, forcing an explanation of your sudden fixation on him.

"Your sideburns became pretty visible," you briefly reached out your index finger to point at the fluff on his face, "I think they suit you."

The furrowed brows and a squint indicated he tried to find any signs of sarcasm in your response, but your warm smile convinced him otherwise. Weakly avoiding your stare, he placed a hand on his one of his sideburns, as if to check it's still there. "Well, yea. I guess they did-"

He watched you scooting closer. "Can I touch em?" You asked casually. Not being able to grow your own facial hair, you never had the experience of feeling their texture. Not like it would surprise you, given it's just hair, but you felt comfortable enough with Matthew to ask it out of curiosity. Your request did not seem outrageous, yet his reaction still looked like he didn't expect it.

His eyes widened before he composed himself, slowly tilting his head closer to you. "...Yeah, sure." He looked as your hands reached out to cup his face. You gently brushed over the hairs, petting Matthew's cheek in the process.

It felt... really warm. You didn't really touch him much, so you assumed, maybe Matthew just had a naturally high temperature. He had fire powers, after all?

You didn't want to make the situation weird by prolonging the intimate gesture, quickly retreating your hands after an acceptable amount of time. Matthew looked at the floor, gathering his thoughts. His bangs disallowed you to see what he was thinking, his face turned to the side with hair draped over it. You had no idea of the internal battle happening in his head, choking out his need to squeal. He missed the feeling of your soft fingers. Even though it was probably purely platonic, his mind was poisoned with serotonin.

You wouldn't say you were infatuated with Matthew, but he was sure a good candidate, if there was any need for a date. Seeing your peers stepping into adulthood with the 4th person they chose as their "life-long" partner left you a bit... Sour. But also, not really. You had Matthew by your side, so your lack of company didn't bug you as much. Which lead to another problem, your weird, confusing feelings about him.

The school year would soon prove he would be your only friend. Which would be fine, if not for those weird thoughts at the back of your head that appeared later. You felt really comfortable in his presence, safe. It was something you didn't get to feel a lot. Matthew was probably the first person you would go in case of any emergency. And you were fairly sure he would be there for you! Memories featuring Matthew slowly morphed into something foreign, and frankly embarrassing. They filled you with happiness a little too much. Did you actually develop a crush on him, or was it just your lack of any other close people in life?

Admitting your feelings felt like a life or death decision. What if he totally wasn't into you and you'd doom your friendship to an overwhelming cringe? You knew he used to have a girlfriend, until she broke up with him. He rambled a lot about her, giving you a clue he probably wasn't completely over her. The stress this conundrum gave you was not worth it, so most of the time you just completely ignored it.

You wanted to maybe, eventually, bring up the topic to light. But the thoughts you had were too embarrassing to confess, or even make a lighthearted joke about. You were too scared he would take it too seriously and eventually get the truth out of you.

Matthew watched as your sight returned to the laptop as you quickly occupying yourself with the block of text you had prepared previously. It was hard for you to focus, the interaction between you and Matthew was forced to repeat in your head, chasing away any school-related train of thoughts. Matthew's mind was plagued with a similar problem. He tried to appear casual while panicking internally.

He realized his affection for you some time ago, noticing the way you'd make his chest feel weird. And it wasn't caused by the energy drinks he consumed. Ramona's relationship with him was very surface level, unserious, and short. He thought he needed to get her back, that it was destiny, and eventually they would get back together. The break up didn't stop him from pursuing his goal - convince her to apologize and continue to date him. He thought his plan was flawless, until he started to notice the small holes in idea. You were kind enough to present Matthew the possibility of a reality where he's not actually that bitter anymore.

Matthew's obsession with Ramona was mostly caused do to his loneliness. Obviously, if he had a girlfriend, there would be someone he could spend his time with. Maybe even kiss more than once! But here you were, listening to Matthew, making him feel nice, you even shared his charming personality at times. Not many people were able to make him laugh so sincerely. You were- almost perfect. He would actually say you were perfect, if it didn't sound too good to be true. Why wouldn't you reject him like Ramona? At least if he hid it, he would be able to still spend time with you. He could not fuck this up.

. . .

Finishing the assignment an hour later made you forget the intimate interaction you had, or at least tune it out to the point it didn't disturb you. Occupied with making yourself a sandwich, you tried to break the silence in the kitchen.

"My mom won't be back for another 2 hours, in case you wanna stay longer and watch a movie?"

Your offer wasn't anything out of ordinary, you hung out at each other's homes pretty often. You never made it hard for him to reach you, and Matthew enjoyed spending every minute in your presence. It wasn't a hard decision for him to make. He stopped before he could embarrass himself by nodding too eagerly, raising his shoulders in a casual shrug.

"Sure. I can stay a bit longer, if you miss me that much."

Why did he say that? it just kinda slipped off his tongue. He caught on too late to go back on his words, needing to keep a straight face. His only hope was for you to not notice his slowly rising temperature, going straight to his face. Probably, anyway. He expected you to acknowledge off his words with a polite chuckle, acting as if his bad attempt at flirting (?) was just a stupid joke.

Instead of the playful laughter, Matthew only heard the sound of an awkward chuckle leaving your mouth. It was soon manually changed to a better one, with more nonchalance put on it. You had to brush off the uncomfortable feeling dawning on you from reacting "wrong" to his obvious joke.

"Can you blame me?" This time, lightheartedness of your reply was clearly established.

Matthew's blasé behavior tried to convince you he didn't care that much, yet still inquired more. "...Hm?"

"You're like, a perfect companion to hang out." You put on a more playful tone to help your reply. "You're always fun to be around."

His dumbfounded laugh came out more like a stutter at first, until he calmed down his nerves, letting you finally hear his flustered chuckle. "Well, if you say so..." His dramatic yet nonchalant look at his nails gained an amused exhale out of you.

Getting you and Matthew a few sandwiches to snack on during the movie, you sat at an appropriate distance from each other on the couch. Your knees were lightly touching, but neither of you minded. You had a pillow to create a friendly barrier between you two, aside from being your comfy armrest.

The plate soon became empty during the two hours spent on watching Mamma Mia, covered only in a few leftover breadcrumbs. You mentally prepared yourself to hear Matthew hum ABBA songs next time you'd see him. He enjoyed the movie a lot, and you could say the same. The melodies stuck in your head even after the credits rolled. Who knew this movie could be so fun?

Matthew stretched his arms, mindful of NOT accidentally embracing you in the process. You did the same, arching your back, relieved at the tension disappearing from your unmoved muscles. Looking at the clock, you estimated your parent would be here soon. Following your stare, Matthew got the hint, lazily heading towards the wall hanger.

You watched as he began to turn the sleeves of his jacket the correct side, quietly singing to himself with his back turned. "Mamma mia, here I go again."

"My my, how can I resist you?"

Hearing your voice melting with his, he turned to see you looking at him from behind the couch, leaning on it's frame with a lazy smile. The goofiest grin appeared on his face once he realized you tried to harmonize with him.

"Mamma mia, does it show again? My my, just how much I've missed you,"

Caught in a good mood and watching Matthew's dramatic, silly pose to the lyrics made your heart swell with affection. He was such a charming dork. You both addressed the silliness of your situation with amused chuckles. You wanted to squeeze his dumb face, it was unfair how easily he got that reaction of you. But of course, you kept it to yourself. Unfortunately, your life wasn't a musical, and there was no time to continue the song. You appreciated the goofy break into a song nonetheless.

Seeing Matthew all dressed up, you approached to properly send him off. Noticing your extending hand, Matthew did the same, quickly grabbing it in a brief goodbye gesture. You developed this habit when seeing interactions between other boys, wanting to fit in and appear more manly. A hug could seem a bit too intimate, so you stuck to what you already knew. Matthew didn't seem to mind, catching onto the gesture the first time you did it.

"See you at school," you said with a smile, leaning against the doorframe. He flashed you his biggest grin, energetically raising his finger up.

"Of course! I'll be there!" He responded quickly, as if to reassure you of his presence tomorrow. And then dashed away from your sight - he had to get away, his emotions were running too wild. You stopped questioning his weird quirks a few days after you first met.

Crossing the border of your house and stepping into the cold air, Matthew replayed the memory of you having fun together. He wasn't even interested in the nice atmosphere of the evening, staying in his head for the most of his trip back home. The sound of your voice singing with him made him feel so fuzzy inside. The fact that you were so open and fun around him added additional wave of joy, which he eagerly let course through all of his body.

He had a problem. He got it bad.

[whoredmode]

I really like the way you colour stuff and make it... well, so pretty! How do you manage? Can you share some advice to people like me who struggle with anything but lineart? Because the way you do it is really cool.

thank you so much! coloring/painting is personally my fave part of digital art so it’s always something i really enjoy

a lot of it really is trial and error, finding out what ways you like to color and what you think looks best. find what inspires you. and i know a lot of digital artists may disagree but your brushes really do play a big role—find ones you genuinely like using and feel comfortable with, and don’t be afraid to experiment.

if you’re curious how i personally color, it’s all about layering and building up.

i start with just my flat base colors. the two primary brushes i use for coloring are the Kopik Marker brush and the Flat Square brush. use whatever brushes you like, i love these bc they’re both great for building up colors which is crucial for how i personally paint.

next i had some basic blush on skin just to make it more interesting and warmer. if a character has heavy makeup i’d make sure to add it/touch it up around here too. next i add my shading to the eyes and teeth/mouth. i like to do this right away bc it immediately brings depth to the drawing (and so i don’t forget).

from here we just start building up. i like to start with my darker values first. take advantage of your blending modes (i toggle between multiply, overlay, and hard light just depending on what the piece calls for/what looks best). i like to use deep reds or just warmer colors in general for shading, but again, just personal preference. in some pieces i use cooler colors just bc it’s what it calls for.

then i add my lighter values. since this doodle doesn’t have super strong lighting, i just opted for something subtle. i like to use warmer yellows and oranges for highlights, but as always it just depends on what the piece needs.

then i just repeat this process for any other elements like hair and clothes. i like to start w skin first bc it’s usually the largest part of the drawing and i just think it’s fun.

but we’re not done yet. after this, i go on top of my lineart and start filling in any imperfections and start shaping things more. the color picker is your best friend in this stage, and i just pick and choose what goes where and how things move. i just do what seems most visually interesting, keeping in mind how things contrast. at this stage is when i also go back with lighter colors and add more obvious highlights, especially on things like clothing.

once that part’s done, i put on any effects i may wanna use like gradients, and i also make any adjustments i want to the color and contrast and just make sure the tones are balanced in a way i like (or what i think the piece calls for). i add some noise or any other textures, and i’m done!

this is a very abridged version of my process, and honestly my best advice is just practice and experiment! maybe this helped, maybe it didn’t—this is just how i like to do it—but regardless i’m more than happy to answer any art-related questions or give advice if needed.

making art should be enjoyable above all else, and finding a way to paint that makes it fun for you is crucial. my way of doing things may be a lil tedious to some, but i personally love it. find a process that works best for your style and the way you like to draw.

good luck and happy painting!!

[tshortik]

My favourite art of 2023!! 🥂🎇

Musings under the cut.

Art Goals/Wishes for 2024:

🪐 Finish my graphic design apprenticeship 🪐 Properly start my online shop and begin selling some prints. Hopefully adding more products little by little! 🪐 Start drawing a bigger fan-comic project I've already been outlining since a month or so. (Hint: Purple Wizard) 🪐 Make some concepts for two original story ideas I've been thinking about since years. I don't think I will start them next year but I want to outline a rough pitch and summary. That fancomic project is going to be a way for me to test the waters with something more plot-heavy and to see if I won't just abandon a project like that. 🪐 I really wanna do an official cover for something that is actually printed out. Like a book/comic cover, a poster, a design for something, etc. This might never happen but one can dream haha. 🪐 Play more dnd!!! Draw more personal dnd stuff cuz that's fun!! I love my dnd group waaAH! 🪐 More original paintings! Experiment more with messy brush strokes! I want more sharp edges and texture. 🪐 Long overdue, but I want to finally paint some book fanarts. Looking at you Baru Cormorant and Goblin Emperor/Cemetries of Amalo...

That's all!! I hope everyone has a great New Year! 🥂🎇