#I try not to implode
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I have so much more work to do but I am absolutely fried lol I got a LOT done today tho
#Katie is rambling 2k23#being an artist on the internet continues to be like 80% background work#with the majority of it feeding the various algorithms#tomorrow I post new commission info on socials#I stream (yay!)#I try not to implode#I get stuff together for packing up the order I made today#I try to figure out how and when I can film myself packing up for socials#I get some sewing done on the advent book#I work on more animated emote examples#I try not to implode (2)
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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year
#ever makes art#i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried#and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again#which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time#so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space#that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch#i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and#the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too#anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark#thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful
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Porcelain hands
You can‘t fall down the stairs to see yourself
#ninjago#ninjago Kai#ninjago Cole#ninjago morro#sandstorm#more vampire au stuff inspired by the shiki ending !! :D#was rlly fun to do I‘m trying to work on composition by using only greyscale and gradient maps#middle one didn‘t come out the way I wanted it too it looks better in greyscale I feel like#but like I don‘t wanna spend too much time on it#Or I‘m gonna implode and shrivel up#capition are lyrics from Porclaine hands by Weatherday#Come In is still an Album I heavily associate with Kai#it‘s very him#cw blood#very little but theyre burning to death so#starling‘s art
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youtube
I AM FINALLY FINISHED WITH NATURE AU ANIMATIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(It'll be going up on my YouTube channel fully sometime tomorrow because I still need to draw it a thumbnail but in the meantime since you guys have been waiting so patiently already, you get to see it early!!)
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop a new wish#fop nature au#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#some of the old drawings make me wanna implode but thats ok ♥#Its already taken me so long just to finish it im not gonna risk trying to fix old frames in case it gets stuck in development hell again#development hell. heh.#OK maybe ill change a few frames by tomorrows upload but it wont be by very much#I literally JUST finished animating#and sometimes you need to sit on things a little bit to make sure they're actually coming across like you want them too#WHATEVER IM STALLING BY TYPING JUST TAKE IT#Youtube
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getting a diagnosis for smthn is actually so crazy. 22 years old and looking back at my whole life like OHHHHHH. I GET IT NOW
#was kinda chill at the gp the other day when she was like yeah You have pmdd <3 but i've truly had it on my mind all day every day since#bc it quite literally explains EVERYTHING. my life went to shit at 12 i literally self-imploded and took out everything in the vicinity#and it was literally bc i was hormonal. bc that was around the age i started getting a cycle#and for as long as ive been getting periods they've been hell on earth in some way or another#i spent 3 years at uni thinking i genuinely had a personality disorder bc of how insane my mood swings were#id act in ways that scared MYSELF id convince myself so wholly of totally irrational things#and a week later id look back in horror like what WAS that#and it was bc of pmdd. it was bc every time im due on i am incapable of regulating hormones most people deal with#like it's not just 'pms but a bit worse' it's a DISORDER. it's IN THE DSM5#it's a serious fucking thing they're MEDICATING ME FOR bc it's DEBILITATING#no wonder i wasn't dealing w it well!!! and reading all these quotes from people who also have it and seeing myself in them#and how isolated and crazy they felt pre-diagnosis is so!! like i truly feel so relieved even just having this diagnosis#even if the meds dont work and i have to try something else it's just !!!! oh my god !!!!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SABO!!!
Sabo Week Day 7 - Sabo Day
i'm so so so glad to be able to celebrate my specialest little guy properly this year!! i care about him immensely, maybe even too much. he's got me in a grip for sure.
if i was a bit more confident in my phrasing and wording skills i would turn this post into a proper, cringy lovemail, but thankfully for you, i am not, so i'll let my own existence be the testament of my love for him instead.
#god im so happy im stimming so so hard#ive been waiting for this day since. last year basically#i can't believe this is my second year celebrating sabo's birthday... what the hell...#anyway back to me imploding bc of this stupid blonde idiot#im covering him in kisses#m hugging him so tightly he stops breathing#he deserves the worllddddddd#sabo week#sabo week 2025#revolutionary sabo#flame emperor sabo#sabo#sabo one piece#i cant wait to see all the other art for him.. im gonna eat so well...#im really sorry i couldn't offer anything of better quality myself but sadly. no time nor ability to do so#also fun fact about my sabo week scribbles: they were all supposed to have a light blue/sky bg bc of a theme i was trying to follow-#-in my head but then day 1 and 5 happened and i liked those new concepts more so. eventually there wasn't a theme anymore#and now all these sky and blue backgrounds look very repetitive but initially they were supposed to be a collection... a family if you will#okay im done rambling#HAPPY BIRTHDAY SABO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WOULD KILL FOR YOU#fool scribbles#< almost forgot my own tag��😭😭#cw capslock
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In the same way that this blog has given you something to hold on to and look forward to, seeing these comics has given me something to hold on to and look forward to in some bleak times too. Thank you for sharing your art and your journey and your commentary and your jokes. They mean a lot to me and I’m certainly not the only one. Keep “”””””poorly”””””” drawing <3
Thank you so much for joining me on this journey of trying to get by, and learning to stay silly and hopeful.
#ask#It honestly means a lot to know my comics can bring little bit of joy into someone's day.#Truthfully... life can get horribly bleak. The future you imagine for yourself can implode and there doesn't seem to be point to try anymor#Or you just can't see a future every being more than the same torment wheel of your everyday present.#The power of holding on a little longer - of taking things just a day at a time or even an *hour* at a time-#has been essential in my own ability to get through crisis and hardship.#We will keep going. This too shall pass. All the good and the bad things we have will change eventually.#Sometimes you get to be an active participant in that change. Sometimes it is out of your control.#I have long moved past feeling embarrassed about how much this blog and my comics means to me.#I learned how to draw yes. I also learned how to persevere and look forward to the future.#Just like with my art; I still have a long way to go! Even if my art and I are not doing so 'poorly' anymore - I want to keep improving.#Thank you Elder-Manly in particular for having been around since the early days and for all the kind words you've sent my way.#I hope you too have found brighter days in the last two years B*)
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ik i should focus on requests but i just have some ideas
what if the reader from the slytherin x dormmate reader series ended up in ravenclaw? (spoiler alert he now has a ravenclaw yandere harem) will address the slytherin side of this conundrum in another post but for now i present
YANDERE HOGWARTS: RAVENCLAW BOYS X DORMMATE READER



"ravenclaw" the entire hall falls dead silent, m/n l/n, from the famous l/n family? the purebloods that have been in slytherin for centuries? a ravenclaw. the young boy had a look of horror on his face as he sat there in shock.
the sorting hat was taken off his head and mcgonagall ushered him towards the ravenclaw table. "no- but" he squeked out as he was sat with the rest of the first year ravenclaws. he felt himself bumping into someone as he sat down, oh my god did i just touch a mudblood, m/n thought, stealing a glance at the person- boy, who was next to him, merlin help me i'm going to hell.
"names michael corner" m/n heard the faint voice of another boy, his handoutstretched as the prefect led the first years up the ravenclaw tower stairs. do i have to do this walk everyday, m/n thought to himself as he stared ahead blankly. "you alright, mate?" the boy walking next to m/n spoke once again, waving his hand in front of m/n's face.
taking it one step further, the boy poked m/n on the cheek, snapping him out of his thoughts - "get your hands off me you filthy-" "quiet down first years, this is the entrance to the common room" m/n was cut off by the prefect, sending a glare the boy - maxwell?, myles? michael?.
• yeah so homeboy reader was not prepared to get sorted into any house but slytherin. i mean ig ravenclaw is better than hufflepuff or god forbid gryffindor but by a small margin.
• dude kinda misses his slythergremlins sure they were annoying but at least they aren't going to suck the magic out of him like the muggleborns in ravenclaw were.
• so reader doesn't really get off on the best foot with his new dormmates, probably says something offensive, and boom, now his dormmates hate him. not to mention his childhood friends who got sorted into slytherin as expected started giving him the cold shoulder.
• okay so they don't hate him but he does feel like the odd one out. yes his first question when he arrived at the dorms was their blood status's and he purposely moved his bed further away from them just so he didn't accidentally catch half blood cooties but it only took him six months to stop scrubbing down the shower before taking one incase one of them carried a virus that would convert him into a blood traitor.
TERRY BOOT (fancast fionn whitehead):
• terry boot is probably the most offended of the three, the other two take the readers behaviour in relative stride but terry get's pretty bothered. is it because he's upset that reader doesn't like him or is it because he's actually offended? the world may never know
• at some point he started going through readers stuff, just to make sure he isn't trying to poison us, but steals little keepsakes like socks, pins and the l/n family signet ring that sent the reader on a rampage for an entire month before he gave up on finding it.
• the winter break after that, reader came back to hogwarts with bruises all across his legs.
"you fell down the stairs? is your coordination that poor or are you getting an early start on the hereditary alcholism in your family" terry scoffed, arms folded, a sceptic expression on his face as he observed the boys bruised limbs.
m/n scoffed "the l/n house has moving stairs you dimwit" he quickly closed the door to the bathroom "you nearly fell down the staircase on the way to potions last term" he added from behind the door. terry frowned, did he see scars on l/n's arm as well? he reached down into his pocket and gripped onto the signet ring he had taken from m/n's bedside table in november.
maybe i should give it back, he thought as he observed the pattern on the ring. as he approached m/n's bed, he began searching for a place to put the ring - on the table? inside the little cauldron? under the bed.
terry kneeled down, moving the sheet's out the way as the shoved it under neath the bunk. you know what, he called me mudblood last year, he can suffer. and with that, boot took the ring and hid it back in his pillowcase.
• terry is a denial kind of yandere, at least in this case, he justifies his actions in his mind and see's nothing wrong with what he does. stealing their stuff? friends share things all the time, stalking them? no he's just going in the same direction, manipulating them? he's sorry if they feel that way but that wasn't his intention.
• his initial dislike of the reader is what fuels his obsession, he simultaneously hates them, wants to be them and wants to be with them. terry thinks he wants the reader to become more accepting of life outside the pureblood bubble he was raised in but once he does and is able to function without the help of his dormmates, terry becomes abominably jealous.
• oh, you ate dinner all on your own without having to wait for terry and anthony to sit next to you and protect you from actual muggleborns? the audacity.

MICHAEL CORNER (fancast owen teague):
• michael is nowhere near as offended as terry, he honestly finds the readers behaviour kind of amusing if not a bit weird. but all purebloods are weird like that, besides it's impossible to hate someone with such a pretty face.
• his darling might be a bigoted blood supremacist but they're his bigoted blood supremacist. he's not as pressed about educating the reader about equality as terry he just figures that eventually the reader will fall madly in love with him and decide that true love is more important than the bloodline and then they'll have 10 babies together and live happily ever after.
• so please don't burst his bubble and act disgusted or blatantly reject his advances. michael really tries to ease his darling into his affection but doesn't really understand that going from sitting next to each other in classes is not one step below sleeping in his bed with him.
"what on merlins beard are you doing" m/n yelled as he swiftly kicked michael in the stomach, flinging the other off his bed. with an oomph, corner placed a hand on his stomach "ow, what is wrong with you" he whined, shifting to lean on his elbows, staring at m/n with a shocked expression "i should be asking what's wrong with you - have you not heard of personal space"
michael clicked his tongue, his eyes rolling "surely we've known each other for long enough to have sleepovers.. you know what a sleepover is right?" "i've never even seen your family tree and you want me to share a bed with you" m/n let out a scoff "you half-bloods are like cavemen merlin help me" he laid back and covered himself with his blanket.
blinking, michael fell silent for a moment "would you like me to get you a copy?" he finally asked, elaborating when the irritated boy muttered what from under the blanket "i'll find my family tree records and give you a copy if you'd like" he replied surely, a smile gracing his face.
m/n pulled the blanket down from covering his face, "well" he started, furrowing his brows, as if deep in thought "i guess so?"
• michael is the only one who openly pursues a romantic relationship with the reader. the darling can never tell the other two's true intentions but god damn is it obvious that michael's goal is to put a ring on it.
• even in fifth year, when he had a few girlfriends, he could. not. leave. reader. alone. literally invited his darling on his dates with ginny and then cho and made several inappropriate propositions and talked about the reader too much on the rare occasions that he was alone with any of his girlfriends which is why they all broke up with him pretty quickly.
• "m/n" "what" "cho broke up with me can you date me instead" "wtf"


ANTHONY GOLDSTEIN (fancast tarjei sandvik moe):
• anthony is intrigued by the reader the moment they sat next to him on the night of the sorting ceremony. any attempts he made at befriending his darling fell on deaf ears. so.. he couldn't help but want to take a look into his mind. and he was a natural born legilimens so it's not like his darling would notice.
• becomes protective of him almost immediately after. his darling is just so fragile and needs someone mature like anthony to make good decisions on his behalf. anthony is quick to cut off his darling from his childhood friends, so that when they got over their shock over the readers sorting, reader would be too attached to his new best friend to want them back.
• he won't let the darling out of his sight, when he studies in the library so will they, they should also take the same classes as him so he can help them with their homework. will mess with their dreams if they try to distance themself from him.

what a poor baby, anthony cooed to himself as he watched m/n from a distance. his cheeks red and tear stained as he bit his index finger, a sob escaped his lips as he wiped his face with his sleeve.
sure, anthony could have stopped riddle, nott and malfoy from shoving m/n around and calling him vile names, but then he would miss out on m/n's endearing sob session that came afterwards.
in the corner of his eye he spotted malfoy on his way back, and swiftly rushed in, hooking his arms with m/n's and dragging the other off with them "wh-" "malfoys on his way back" anthony picked up his pace "were you were watching the whole time?" m/n asked shakily. anthony pulled them both into another corridor, turning to face m/n "yes" he blinked "and you didn't do anything!" the red-faced boy choked out.
anthony smirked "you.. wanted me to come and defend you from malfoy and his goons?" his heart skipped a beat as m/n remained silent, looking defeated "no- i just- uh... i don't- i just" m/n stuttered, face flushing even redder as he stared at the ground.
• anthony infantilises his darling, treating him as a child that can't do anything right. it gets even worse in fifth year when he becomes a prefect: "dumbledore made me a prefect and not you because he knows you can barely tie your own shoelaces"
• goidsteins a lil condescending towards his darling, he exaggerates their mistakes and downplays their achievements. anything to make them dependent on his constant presence. he feels bad sometimes but when they come running to him for everything, it's all worth it ✨



• unlike other groups of yanderes *cough* the slytherins *cough*, these three don't have much of a problem sharing. they're already good friends, and aren't nearly as possesive as some yandere's (le slytherins) not to mention; at first, it's only michael who is openly pursuing the darling romantically.
• terry and anthony don't realise that they like the darling in the same way michael does until like, fifth year. sure there had been cuddling, shared showers and a bit too much emotional intimacy for 'just friends' but what can you expect from a bunch of nerds 😔✋.
• the ravenclaws foster one hell of a dependant relationship with the reader, becoming the only people he isn't nervous around, convincing him everyone else wouldn't be as understanding and his old friends hate him they want him dead so they promise to look after him in return for.. access to the l/n's private library.
• no they expect affection and loyalty back also as soon as they all graduate readers going to move out of his family home and move in with them dormmates for life right?
• no they aren't the worst yandere's not by a milestone but there's just something so suffocating about them.
• the darling will eventually be pressured into a poly relationship with the three. yes they actually ask him if he wants to date them but it's a rhetorical question it's either yes, or no and they start spiking his water with amortentia - then it's also yes.
• as ravenclaws, they realise that violence is not the answer, mind control is. disobedience, rejection, and provoking jealousy will result in the use of the imperius curse or a love potion.



#yandere harry potter#yandere anthony goldstein#yandere terry boot#yandere michael corner#yandere ravenclaw#hp writings#yandere slytherin#terry boot#anthony goldstein#michael corner#hp yandere#harry potter x reader#x reader#x male reader#reader insert#sobbing i spent two hours trying to get the images to work my computer was trying to implode on itself#hp#harry potter fandom#draco malfoy#yandere draco malfoy
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everyone is going to bluesky... but I don't want to post on bluesky!!!
#im getting more conflicted as i see more people make that their 'primary' socmed#like do i stand my ground about not liking pretty much any feature on that site or do i just relent and accept thats where everyone is now#i still maintain that that site wouldve never taken off if twit didnt happen to implode when it did#like how else would everyone had been so happy to promote the no-privacy blockchain inspired site??#mine#not tes#im thinking about maybe making an account at bare minimum though#but like. i wouldnt want to use it tho#so idk what the point would be besides claiming the username#my dad is even trying to talk me into making one
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do not disturb. watching world hoppers (again)
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#asshole research transport#perihelion#i love these fools and whatever bizarreweirdo queerplatonic thing they have going on i want to down load them into my#brain. but alas i would then implode#still trying to figure out how to draw art. and yes this is in my phones notes app so. admittedly this is not my best work#but it is HARD to draw a representation of a sentient spaceship interacting with a regular-human-sized murderbot who is INSIDE THE SPACESHIP#okay#anyway. i just finished system collapse so im going insane#drops this out of my pocket and runssss teehee bye#id in alt#secunit
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Ship art dump / trying cell-shading again lmao Caira, Rosa & Laurane belong to @floral-necromaniac Mabaki & Vince are mine
Bonus below
putting this under cuz it's OOC for Mbk, referencing Gokushufudou / Way of the House Husband Ch 34. the... volleyball scene LMAO

#mabaki#caira#cairadin#human mabaki#human caira#ive been drawing them as humans because their 'real' form has so many details and i dont feel like spending extra hours trying to do it#aaaaaaaaaaalkjsfkljsdflkjsdsdf posting this here cuz i want to post it *somewhere* hahaha#somehow jokingly drawing cat Caira has imploded my braincells into smithereens#my art#rosa#vince#laurane#mabacai
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Say it ain’t so (Patreon)
#My art#Clinical Trial#Lee Smith#Sorry wrong song lol#Clinical Trial set in 2009 my beloved....#Lee being subjected to circa radio - maybe Adri's doing lol - and identifying just a Little too strongly with certain songs hehehe#And even worse as he doesn't like swearing! (Except Angel's hehe)#Listens to it once and is just kind of mildly off-put in front of Adri - trying to get a rise out of him and he won't play#And then like listens to it on the radio on the drive home or something and has a Very tight grip on the steering wheel hehehe#Records it off the radio or buys a CD and can't stop listening to this one track why won't it leave him alone please he's trying to be good#Get rekt idiot ♥#Is he even really trying all That hard to be good doesn't he deserve to be called out a little hehe#He doesn't seem like the type to hum to stim but maybe if he caught Angel singing it to themself#Just explode-implodes simultaneously feels So caught lol#''I swear I didn't mean anything by it I just- I was just- I listened to it a few times and I-'' while Angel is like ''Lee it's a song''#You're so subtle Lee no one will ever notice#I do genuinely love his creepy little tells - what he gets weird about what he puts emphasis on to Totally Normal degree lol#Also had such a weird time drawing this one! :0 Another very very quick one - doing a bit of practice#And it went well! But it felt weird! I have to assume it's just 'cause I'm not quite used to sketching so loosely#How noticeable does it come off in the lineart? I can see it but it's my eye so :P#Also need more practice with Lee - especially digitally - before I'm quite comfy with his (and Angel's :3) design as I'd like to be#More practice moorrreeee#Fun fun fun
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i love drawing rtc again, i've missed my pookies ♥
#you'll NEVER catch ocean saying a bad word >:))#i know she listened to kidz bop like can you even try to argue with this#anyway i'll restart ride the cyclober and nevertober when i can#but i also just like to do silly stuff like this tbh :]#rtc#ride the cyclone#ride the cyclone musical#jane doe rtc#jane doe ride the cyclone#jane doe#jane rtc#ocean o'connell rosenberg#ocean rtc#ocean ride the cyclone#ocean rosenberg#perfectdolls#i love this ship so much i'll implode for them#also i'm posting this on a laptop so yeah no emojis i'm sorry people :((
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been aware of people saying how clean my lines are and i felt the need to prove why i call my stuff scribbles. literal descriptor of how i set down my lines
#robot rambles#warhammer rogue trader#pasqal haneumann#marazhai aezyrraesh#never before seen footage [bc im usually insane enough about my process id implode before showing it]#this is why i need transform tools#tbh if i try doing base sketches the pose gets stiff ad the lines get clunky. i accept the high discard rate for the fluidity it gives#anyway these two are gay and pasqal beat the shit out of him last night
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thanks for infecting me with marchil its so so fun to just see them pair themselves up in the background now
especially love how much she picks him up like a cat (and when he has the opportunity to do it to her too he just lugs her around like a sack of oats) gosh i love them they're so funny
YAAAAAA 🎉🎉 I’m so glad to hear it welcome to the sillies corner 🤝
THEY’RE SOOO SO FUNNY










They’re worsties that cannot get enough of each other
#Ask#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi#marchil#MAKE IT MAKE SENSEEE they’re so ‘see u later bestie!! <3 … Can’t stand their fake ass smh’#Ppl get on Marcille’s case about teasing him about his age but I think most forget how teasing her is Chil’s mission & calling 24/7#-sends off an explosion near him- ‘Woah careful there!! Is he okay??!!’ ‘What are you a baby it’s just a lil explosion he’ll be fine’#Rest of the time: ‘CHIL ARE YOU OKAY OMIGOSH I’M COMING DON’T WORRY’#He laughs at her so so much. So often. They are united in haterism like ‘thank god we’re normal’ and then realize they are so obnoxious#I’ve been trying to think of funky ship names for them lately. Bc Short Fuse is taken by another ship from another fandom </3#None feel perfect but… Closed book. Magiclock. Detonation… Implode explode… Bc she makes boom booms and he undoes traps which blow up#Also he bottles his feelings up until he bursts hehe#Anyways. Just a short comp of the sillies#Compilation#Marcille donato#chilchuck tims
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Lucas Johnson
Saw an other post and wanted to write down my own thoughts and feelings. I haven't read tgr yet, because I'm waiting for the physical book to come out, so I'm only working on information from tsc.
I've seen some people say they hate Lucas. And I suppose I get it. I get why Jean would hate him for sure.
But as someone who loves complex characters and relationships, I really can't hate him. Because everything he does is very understandable (I wanna use the German word nachvollziehbar. Which means something like understandable, but feels less weighted. It feels less like you're justifying someone's actions) imo.
Like, put yourself in his shoes. His brother, who he was pretty close to, goes of to college. On a sports scholarship. Of a sport they both play and love. Very exciting. Lucas probably can't wait for him to come back and tell him all about it. But he doesn't. Grayson doesn't come back. For years. Lucas has essentially lost his brother. He doesn't even know what's going on. Probably thinks Grayson abandoned him. Doesn't care about him anymore (sort of correct).
I have a brother (although younger). We're not very close. Never really have been. But I love him so dearly. If my brother went of to college and just didn't come back, I would be heartbroken. I would honestly probably try to go there and get him. Because what the fuck?
Then he is back. His cult collapsed and he's finally home. Lucas thinks he finally has his brother back. But he won't even acknowledge him. The only thing he ever has a reaction to is Jean. So of course when he says he wants to talk to Jean, Lucas says okay. Lucas thinks this might be the only way he could possibly get his brother back. Maybe him having a talk with Jean could be a first step for something. Or Lucas' foot in the door to be able to talk to his brother.
Of course he should've at least told Jean in advance. Probably shouldn't have even agreed to it in the first place, if he paid attention to how Jean acts every time Grayson is mentioned. But despite the fact that he feels like he doesn't really know him anymore, Lucas still feels like his brother is in there. Like he could get him back. And the Grayson he knows would never harm someone in that way. Would never attack someone like that. Would keep his promise of "I only want to talk to him". He doesn't want to believe that his brother could ever do things like that. And obviously when it happens he tries to intervene. He obviously didn't want this to happen. He thought this could be a way to get his brother back. Obviously it was selfish, because he knew that Grayson hated Jean. And he knew Jean implied some not great things. But he's heard bad rumours about Jean for months, and that's his brother. His priority is to get his brother back. Now that he probably feels closer to the possibility of that than he has in years. Now that Grayson is at least physically there.
And then of course it goes horribly wrong. In a way Jean and we, the readers, immediately saw coming. But Lucas couldn't have. I think even in his worst case scenario, he wouldn't have guessed it would happen like that. Because Lucas knows essentially nothing about what went on in the Nest. he has no idea what kind of violence was common place. And he would never think that his brother could be part of that.
I understand why people are mad at him, but I just can't be (and I don't want to be. Because my heart just absolutely breaks for him. This boy who lost his brother in so many ways. First physically, then emotionally, and then the image he had of him. It is all completely shattered. And now Lucas is going to loose him in the most finite of ways. I don't even know yet, if he will be able to talk to him before he dies (as i said, haven't read tgr yet).
#the sibling relationships in this series just absolutely break me okay#that's the kind of stuff that always gets me in media#and the johnsons one is such an absolute loss#it's so tragic#because even as a brother lucas could (probably) not forgive that his brother did those things#how could anyone?#but that is an entirely different kind of grief that you go through#learning that someone you love. your brother. did horrible. inexcusable things#and lucas has already grieved grayson so much#has been grieving him in different ways for years#and has been missing him#missing the brother he once had#trying to somehow come to terms with the one he got back instead#i'm gonna have to stop thinking about him or i will implode#i could never be a lucas hater#aftg#all for the game#tsc#the sunshine court#lucas johnson#grayson johnson#jean moreau#mine
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