#IT WOULD BE SO CATHARDIC

[lostuntothisworld]

I really like this theory. BUT that doesn’t really explain the the dichotomy when he transforms into Griffe Noire? If that makes sense.

Like. As a civilian, Badrien is thoroughly emo, which is defined basically by glorifying being depressed and self destructive tendencies. (Don’t come at me for this interpretation because I was once emo as a teen and know how their minds work). Yes, the emotions are real, but emo still romanticizes pain and suffering. There is no escape to it, because it’s supposed to be what sets us apart from the conformists, preps, and posers. I knew many teenage emos, myself included, who refused help due to this. And yes. I did not want to be sad and suicidal all the time. But that would also mean the music I listened to, and the aesthetic I loved wouldn’t mean anything to me anymore. It would make me a poser. And that was frightening. (Also there was the “help” that tried to conform us to cishet expectations that we refused because we were queer but that’s a different story that I doubt they’ll tackle in Miraculous so I won’t discuss it here.)

ANYWAY

MEANWHILE Griffe Noire is PUNK through and through. Punk is a counterculture defined by freedom, self expression, nonconformity, anti-authoritarian, direct action for meaningful change, and not selling out…

If Gabriel is supposed to be a good person in this universe, then why are Badrien and Griffe Noire practically different people?

Before I get to these theories, I want you to think about one of the promotional videos of civilian Alya. Her face model is definitely modified but the outfit she is wearing is an orange patterned shirt and a jean jacket, which is something our main universe Alya would very likely wear if the animation budget for the show allowed for extra outfits.

This means that the alternative universe is NOT completely opposite of our main universe.

That means there has to be something else driving the story.

Did [horrible at his job] Master Fu choose the wrong people for the Ladybug and the Black Cat?

Did Master Fu choose the right people to wield the miraculous [like in the main universe] but the miraculous got stolen by Toxinelle and Griffe Noire?

When Master Fu escaped from the crumbling Guardian’s Temple, did he lose the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous instead of the Butterfly and Peacock, when he disgraced himself by not being able to eat for 24 hours? [Master Fu lost the Miraculous [[AND THE GRIMOIRE]] on the mountains in Asia btw so keep that in mind when deciding who found them]

Did Master Fu lose the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous at a different time? [As incompetent as he was, main series Master Fu didn’t lose more miraculous than the first two, so I’m kinda skeptical about this one]

Is Hesperia actually secretly evil and is in the wrong to take away Toxinelle and Griffe Noire’s miraculous? [this one doesn’t make sense because Toxinelle and Griffe Noire can make the wish if they want to but oh well] In the alternative universe, is it the Butterfly Miraculous that grants the wish? [tbh this one makes the most sense to me due to past *cough*missteps*cough* decisions of the writers, and according to (possibly not real tho) synopsis I’ve read, Toxinelle and Griffe Noire are trying to steal the Butterfly Miraculous in the alternate universe) even tho Tiki and Plagg create the kwami of reality and and the kwami of reality seems like a big deal, and it doesn’t make sense that Nooroo would be able to replicate that, but whatever…

but I keep coming back to this…

What if Master Fu chose the right two people to wield the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous.

What if the original Black Cat miraculous user was actually a sentimonster.

What if there was a girl, who was so obsessed with a boy, and that boy was secretly the original Black Cat Miraculous weirder, and she memorized his schedule for 3 years in advanced. What if she religiously researched him via propaganda designed by his restricting father. What if she researched him instead of asking him directly (because they are in the same classroom), what she made him presents for every birthday, and holiday until he was thirty because she expected him to stay the exact same as he was as a teenager….

And this girl is SO smart. What if she figured out he was a sentimonster and how to control him through his amoks…

What if she ordered the original Black Cat to steal the original Ladybug’s miraculous so she could take the original Ladybug’s place…

What if that’s why, in his escapist fantasies, he is Punk… What if indeed…

But the writers are probably going to say that in the alternate reality, Nooroo can make the wish, and that’s why Toxinelle and Griffe Noire are trying to get the Butterfly Miraculous to revive Emilie because Badrien is too emotional and volatile in his grief for his own good. And it’s up to Toxinelle to save him from himself and go to show him the way of good, thanks to the help of main universe Ladybug showing her you don’t have to be evil.

And remember, this special is supposed to take place while Gabriel is still alive in season 5. This is the same Gabriel who believes that Adrien is too emotional to make his own choices…

And remember… our universe Marinette honors Gabriela’s last wish that Adrien should be kept in the dark about the fact that he is a sentimonster and that his father was Monarque…

What if indeed…

WAIT HOLD ON 😭

[xmascritter]

Episode 7 of AAA is very cathardic on its own, good episode of television, 10/10, only reason its below episode 4 on my list is just because Alice is my favorite and I'm still bitter about episode 5.

When you think about the rest of marvel though, it becomes very funny and ironic.

Because in the comics basically no one stays dead except for the original captain marvel, and theres a whole myriad of reasons that can happen in story. On a meta level though, it's so they can keep some sort of status quo. And in the mcu, they were a little better about dead characters staying dead, but that was kinda thrown out the window with endgame and the intro to the multiverse and timeline fuckery. Because now they can kill a character, but bring in an alternate version of them who did none of the character development, so you can take them in a completely different direction. And they've done so multiple times. Even RD jr can come back even though they tried to make iron man's death very impactful. And with them seemingly moving to focus more on mutants eventually now that disney knows it'll make them money and not fox, I would not be surprised if they tried to eventually get to the krakoa era and the weird revival pools where charles gets to be at his most overdramatic.

Look at that pose, he's such a drama queen.

But yeah, death comes for us all. But for the superheroes of marvel it's a small setback. So this very good show and this very good episode ironically get their impact lessened by the very media franchise they're a part of and would not exist without.

[kuroppiii]

DON’T FILE THOSE DIVORCE PAPERS. but i thought emma was boring i desperately need ur full take geek out plz tell me what I don’t see

i would NEVER divorce you pookie??

(us actually)

everyone gets film freaky in their own way!!! its ok!!!

two film essay posts in less than 24 hrs by ro, someone needs to sedate me or something

( sort of spoilers for emma (2020) under the cut , but nothing explicit , really )

!!! disclaimer i think to really fw regency-ish movies, kind of inherently calls for being into things like their original source material. and trust!! i know its not for everyone!!!

personally, i'm actually a big fan of reading those old and classical kind of books. as in, i have a full, clothbound, BOX SET, of jane austen's novels (emma being one of them). my literature teacher recommended me to read pride and prejudice ONCE and i've been hooked ever since.

yknow people joke that back then that it was all "oh my god you can't show your ankles!!!" and yeah, that's pretty much what it's like when you get down to reading novels from that time 😭 but that's what makes it so entertaining for me! the bridgerton series (which i also really like by association) is an easy example of this. i once saw someone say bridgerton plays out like a kdrama and YES!! that's the level of yearning and pining and slow burn i feed off of

upfront, i liked the movie–even from when its first trailer came out–because its aesthetics visually were just so nice. like yes!!! pastels!! pretty flowers!!! hats with feathers!! tea parties!!! big poofy dresses!!! (and anya taylor joy)

but it was when i watched it for a second time, i found a lot of why i like this specific adaptation of emma is because i think it really got across the vibe of jane austen's writing–especially the humor.

ok now stay with me: i'm not saying you have to read the whole original novel to get it, bc basically i would summarize the reason why the humor is so dry (when usually you would think this rich and old-fashioned vibe of a story should be much more over-the-top and dramatic) is because jane austen was always trying to make fun of all the social constructs of her time. especially for women! (heavy on how her works were ones of satire!)

like it all plays out so bare-bones that you just can't ignore how ridiculous everything sounds, which is what austen felt about all the rules and expectations emma and the other characters were trying to uphold the whole story. i also find that kind of humor from the movie very charming in a simple way, too.

the whole vibe of watching the movie and its characters is very much unserious, and it's a personal favorite in that watching it and listening to the soundtrack makes me feel ok to wallow in my emotions like the characters do. it's very cathardic in that way to me. but yeah by no means is it very action-packed or even conventionally "dramatic", so i get how it can wind up boring.

the character development of emma is always so interesting to me though. it's subtle, especially on the first watch, but it always warms my heart when she goes from thinking she's got everything figured out, to seeing the value of true friendship in harriet and even mrs. bates (MY FAV CHARACTER I CANNOT LIE SHE'S SO FUNNY), and that making her more open to questioning her and her life more, including not being as perfect as she once thought she was.

and that's really why we get that payoff with her and knightley, because he's known her all this time but when she finally recognizes her imperfections and embraces them, that newly found self-awareness us what pushes him over the edge in love. then we get that BEAUTIFUL confession scene under the tree. 🤭🌳

it very much fits the genre of a "romantic" movie, in that it romanticizes everything. but not to the point where it lets you forget what everyone's wants were, and that there were genuine struggles grappling with all those societal rules at the same time.

bc at the end of the day those rules were efforts meant to promote values that could hopefully lead a life of morality, responsibility/duty, and respect to others and yourself (arguably there are rules we face today that try to promote the same things, but they just look much different than rules about showing your ankles lol). i think in emma it's interesting to see just how each character tries to navigate those rules to get what they want out of life from them, and i think it's just a very beautifully-made film overall as well.

[booksniffingbastard]

AU Fanfiction Projects on AO3

Shameless fanfics:

Doomsday Blues - series

**currently down for maintenance**

This fic is not abandoned, ever. It's far too personal and at times I use it as an outlet for the thoughts I have that'll eat me up, if I don't get them out of my system. But. I'm not sure it works in its current form. I think I need to tear it into bits and pieces and reassemble something new. Probably it would be better as several independent stories than just one long one. I'm also unsure if it even works as a Shameless fanfiction. So it'll sit in my docs, while I figure things out.

The story of a demon summoning gone wrong and the consequences for Chicagoans, especially two families in the South Side.

Work: By the Pricking of My Thumbs - AO3 - Spotify playlist

Work: A Finnish Knife Strikes - AO3 - Spotify playlist

Very long, very self-indulgent and very, very weird. I've done absolutely nothing to reign in my weird and pretentious self while writing this, so it's ... a lot.

Writing this particular story is cathardic for me and in some ways I use it to deal with a lot of bad shit that has happened in my life and with my own mental illness.

A lot of angst, a lot of dark humor, and a lot of smaller stories weaved into a big one.

Inspired by works of: Mikhail Bulgakov, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Bashevis Singer, Avram Davidson, Nicholai Gogol

and

Folk tales from Eastern Europe and Ireland, The Key of Solomon: Ars Goethia by Alastair Crowley

Ian Gallagher and the Amazing Intelligent Machines

One shot, currently being written, but very, very slowly.

Sort of a Shameless/IT Crowd - crossover

A beautiful love story between a mentally ill man and his microwave oven.

It's as stupid as it sounds.

Inspiration: My own irrational fear of machines.

The Masochist's Cookbook - Spotify Playlist

The story of how Ian Gallagher met his family.

I never write anything but AU stories. This one takes place in the entirely fictional town of Arson, Illinois in the year 2000.

I've never written a whump before, so it's also a challenge to myself. I'm really good at creating problems, but solving them.... It's a journey.

Inspired by: All the high school tv shows and movies.

Outer Banks fanfics:

Bromancing the Stone.

I've always loved the action-adventure aspect of the show and wanted to expand on it, but aim for a story more akin to the likes of Indiana Jones, Romancing the Stone, The Mummy (2001), Pirates of the Caribbiean, Treasure Planet, The Princess Bride.

You know: Fun, romance and fighting. No major character deaths planned. (Seriously wouldn't do that in a swashbuckling adventure. It's been 30+ years and I'm still pissed about Rufio.)

Right now, it looks like it's going to be set in the late 1930s or early 1940s, but it most definitely will have the historical accuracy of a Disney movie. So racism and homophobia isn't a problem.

But probably nazis. Irredemably evil nazis. It'll give me an excuse to dust off and hopefully improve my terrible german.

And the story is going to be gay.

I'm trying to make it light, but I'm a silly person, not a fundamentally happy person, so it probably won't be angst-free.

I'm still plotting out the storyline, but I'm hoping to start uploading material before the year is out.

[stuffs--and--things]

finding myself casually planning for the end again. Like I'll look at things and scribble down who i could give them to.

Or calling my family members just to say i love them, then crying over the idea of those being the last that they hear from me.

Or when i go over my cats diets with my brother for no reason.

Rewatching my favorite shows or binging the things I've been meaning to get to. Flying through books like I'm running out of time.

Like im trying to neatly pack everything up and away.

And I'm not necessarily planning an attempt. Rather just how the aftershock would be handled (as if i could actually control it)

I can't tell if it helps or not. But when i get this bad its cathardic, or at the minimum the routine of it gets me out of bed for a minute. Idk. I'm just rambling and have no one irl to do it to so here i am

[west1rosi]

Choose between Robb being the King of the North or Jon being King of the North

send MAKE ME CHOOSE and two options regarding my muse or muses, choosing both or neither is not allowed.

you and nonnie send me the same thing so here it goes. while i love both of my boys, in the end, I like jon being king in the north more. reasons? it's more cathardic to me as a viewer. robb i always knew would end up in a position of leadership, it's seen all over the writing and text. he is the young wolf and forever will be because he dies young. his journey is not about the position its about family and honor .

to me as a viewer, by the time jon got to become king in the north, it was cathardic. that season began with him coming back from the dead. i think sometimes we forget how much of a shock it was during the season five finale. the camara lingering on jon and how he dies, his body lay for three episodes before he comes back. this is a man who is the byronic hero, unsung and who does not know who he is, or what he deserves. jon's journey from bastard to lord commander to literally dying and then coming back to life, retake the north with his sister and become the king in the north is rewarding to us because it feels earned. he might not feel like it is but to us? it is.

so while i love both of my kings, jon being king in the north eventually always feels more rewarding to me and i weep. because he never belonged anywhere, and now he does. people trust him not for his family alone but for his character.

[elcorhamletlive]

Hi, I recently came across your blog, and I am not sure if you're still interested in this topic at all, but I wanted to ask-- why do you think Will ending up with Mike wouldn't be fit or satisfying ? I am not necessarily a Byl3r shipper myself, but don't you think portraying a gay kid's love as something he gets to over with is kind of a problematic writing in itself?

Hi, anon! Unfortunately for my mental health I will always be interested in this topic, so don't worry at all about asking.

There are two parts to your ask, and I think I will start with the second, because it's the shortest. I don't think portraying a gay kid getting over a crush is problematic. I'm not a fan of the unrequited love plot in general, I think it's overdone and it's not a choice I would have made for Will's storyline, but the more time I spend in fandom, the more I run into gay men who tell me that the way Will's crush on Mike played out in season 4 was a heartbreaking but cathardic reflection of their own experiences. It's a very real type of heartbreak, and I now see the value of featuring it in media, even if I'm still critical of the way the Duffers have chosen to go about it.

With this perspective, I can't imagine how Will getting over his feelings would ever be "problematic writing". In fact, I would think the other option (him dying while pining for Mike, or just pining for him forever) is much worse. Will getting over his feelings for Mike by meeting someone else is a way to show that even though you might feel unlovable and lonely when you're a gay kid surrounded by straight people, longing for something they can't give you, that pain won't last forever, and you will find someone who loves you the way you want to be loved.

Of course, "getting over" is doing a lot of work in this sentence. There are multiple ways the Duffers could write Will moving on from Mike, and many of them are things I'd consider "problematic" (Will being the only cast member to end up alone) and/or unsatisfying (Will smiling at a nameless extra in the last ten minutes of the final episode). But I don't think the idea of "portraying a gay kid's love as something he gets over" is bad in itself. Sometimes you fall for people who don't love you back, and the best option in those cases is to move on, always. Honestly, Will forever pining after his sister's boyfriend would, in my opinion, be a way more problematic trope.

Then there's the matter of B*ler. Which I think is kind of pointless to discuss, because it's not going to happen. But if it did happen, it could be read as one of two scenarios: 1) the shippers were right and the Duffers had planned everything in the show to lead to B*ler from the start and 2) the Duffers had not planned B*ler from the start but changed their mind seeing how insanely popular the idea became after S4 (again: I cannot stress enough how unlikely I think both of these scenarios are). With option 2, I think it's easy to see why it wouldn't fit or be satisfying - changing your plans so late in the game to please the fanbase is silly, unintelligent storytelling. It shows you don't really have a solid vision for these characters and are willing to just go with whatever is the most popular concept at the moment.

Option 1 is the, obviously, the one shippers would argue is the most likely, but it's also the worst one, in my opinion. If the Duffers planned everything in the show to lead to B*ler, I think they did a poor job with their planning. I think expecting the fanbase to dissect things like background props and movie references as replacement for textual character development is bad writing. The idea of a "surprise" romance being written to catch the audience off guard for four seasons is, to me, ridiculous and mean spirited - it reeks of the worst angles of Spoiler Culture, the ones that argue that shocking people is more important than telling a good story.

And I think it does become problematic when the "plot twist" in question is the sexuality of one of the main characters. If Mike is gay/bi, why did this need to be a secret up until the very end? To pander for homophobes who would have stopped watching the show if it was about a romance between two boys? This reasoning kind of sucks, sorry. If Mike was meant to have a coming out narrative, then it should have been handled with respect and care, not hidden in obscure clues most of the audience would never pick up. Making a gay romance into a puzzle, a massively elaborated scheme meant to pull a "gotcha" on most viewers, is, to me, a glib way of handling delicate themes like sexuality and internalized homophobia. So yeah. I don't think it would be satisfying at all.

[seanettlles-moved]

so has anyone else entertained the thought that maybe, in the breakfast table scene where Abuela asks Dolores if she hears anything about a date for Mariano's proposal, the whole "he wants five babies" line may not have been quiiite the whole truth?

like, don't get me wrong, i don't think she would ever purposefully get in the way of/sabotage Isabela and Mariano's engagement

but maybe she just wanted to let a little bit of the possible resentment and sadness out, feelings bottled up from having to stand by while the "man of her dreams" was about to propose to her cousin, in a comment that would sound believable and offhand and innocent to everyone else

just for the brief, cathardic satisfaction of potentially seeing Isabela squirm a bit in reaction

[krabmeat]

UHHH I CANT REMEMBER WHAT HAS AND HAS NOT BEEN ANSWERED;-;

HOW ABT WE GET INTO SOME PERSONAL SHIT? SEXUALITY, GENDER IDENTITY, WHATEVER?? OR IF NOT I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO KNOW HER HOBBIES N STUFF LIKE THAT OTHER THAN WELDING AND DOING HER BLACKSMITHING STUFF

OHOH OFC!!!!

c!krabs goes by she/her pronouns (but she doesnt really care she goes by pretty much anything) and shes pan!! since queerness is normalized in the smp she didnt really have a huge coming out moment she just did her thing and everyone was like "yeah that fits"

c!krabs enjoys farming! its cathardic to her to watch something grow and thrive after her extended care. shes got some peach trees growing outside of her smithy in las nevadas that she cares for (she has to watch it though so that people dont steal the fruit lmao)

she also likes hunting for mansions and marking them on a map she has! c!krabs made a promise to herself to one day knock out all the mansions she can find and loot them :]

[frostfireft]

Can you do headcanons where Jellal and Erza both escapes the tower and joined Fairy Tail together?

I had to think about this one for awhile. 

In the event that Erza and Jellal escaped together, I’m assuming that means that a few things also have to be true: 1) Jellal didn’t end up possessed. 2) No one else was interesting enough to get possessed in his place. 3) this means everyone would have escaped the tower. 

So the rest of these headcanons follow those assumptions. :P

-While everyone in Jellal and Erza’s little group is heartbroken over the loss of Grandpa Rob, Erza is the most torn over it. SHe was the one to witness it after all. So She’s the one who proposes the idea of going to Fairy Tail in order to tell them one happened.

-So while others from the tower set off to find their families, their little group (Erza, Jellal, Wally, Sho, Simon, and Millianna) stays together and heads for Fairy Tail.

-The walk there is long and they stayed hidden in the woods until they got to Magnolia. They only ever went into towns two at a time to get information or food. 

-When they get there, Erza tells them she’s gonna go in to talk to them, and Jellal tags along because he doens’t want her to go alone. Erza only barely manages not to break down as she tells Makarov what happened to Grandpa Rob. 

-Makarov has Porlyusica give them all a check up and start planning for how to get them healthy again. Unfortunatly, she can’t fix everything and Erza still ends up with her prosthetic eye.  

-It takes a long while for any of them to reach out beyond their little group, but Erza manages to at least get Gray to talk, and that’s a lot. 

-As they do missions together, they slowly figure out who’s best at working together or on solo missions. Milliana, Wally, Sho, and SImon make a fantastic quartet team, and Jellal and Erza re better at being solo mages. Sometimes they take missions as a team or two, or all of them take missions as a team of six, though that’s fairly uncommon

-Erza gets to S class one year before Jellal. She will never let him live it down. 

-Jellal and Laxus are sparing partners, and more often than not someone has to drag them both to a healer. Neither one of them knows when to stop fighting. It’s shockingly very cathardic though. 

-The same happens with Erza and Mira, and no one is surprised. 

-even though they don’t do a lot of missions together, they spend a lot of time around one another, and they likely shared a room at Fairy Hills for a long time. 

-the other five collectively force Jellal into therapy. He turns it right back around on them, and they all get the therapy they desperately need. 

[doodelli]

Come to think of it, it’s not surprising that PatB appeals to queer and nd audiences.

And that’s not just looking at the characterization, but the whole premise of the show: Two lab mice who’ve been exploited and abused by scientists band together to take over the world; a world that to them appears vast and alien.

Both of these communities have undergone abuse in the name of ”science”, i.e. countless futile attempts at ”curing” us of traits inherent to our being. For centuries, we’ve been shunned and dehumanized for things beyond our control.

So, despite their plans failing time and time again, there is something strangely cathardic about Pinky & The Brain. Though Brain would not be a particularly kind or even competent leader, it’s so inspiring watching these underdogs try to accomplish this insane feat without ever giving up.

The traits and dynamics people relate to in this aspect have already been covered by others. That’s a post of its own. Just wanted to take a look at the bigger picture.

[persnrandm]

“If you’re gonna drag me, at least be funny.”

One of my favorite quotes from the video.

I always get excited when I see Natalie’s Contrapoint content in my youtube feed. I especially like any of the political stuff relating to socialism but this is a super cool topic too. I’ve found it frustrating sometimes when cool people online that I admirer do a-hole things.

Some people, its pretty easy to just discount that this person is cruel to this community- ignore them, discount them- whatever one does. Its really hard when someone like Buck Angel and I did hear about the pronoun circle one from another youtuber. Buck and Natalie seem like genuinely nice sounding person does or says a not so great thing. Though, for Natalie’s one, it seemed more of a reaction of pain when I heard about it so I was on the doubtful side that she meant harm by it. Especially since it seemed like a knee-jerk reaction from a point of being hurt, I was surprised how right on the nose I was when I watched the video. I still don’t like Buck. Not that I would trash talk him but Natalie did soften my bitterness for him.

Also, we’re all owed our share of mistakes.I had a host of my own. I just was in edgy teen phase during it so I didn’t post anything publicly with my name or face attached. (I don’t count my dark past on quotev as social media. Nobody can know about that.)

Anyway, Natalie is a super awesome writer. I took a lot of inspiration from her for my views on politics. I hope she has a great support system since that twitter firestorm looks absolutely terrifying.

Edit: she reads some hate comments in a funny way mid video. This is, by far, my favorite one she reads 1:01:28. . Anytime you tint the screen read and use voice chaning stuff, damn, I can’t help but laugh at that stuff.

Seeing the funny part in hurtful comments is so cathardic. I just came back from a doc misgendering me the whole time since I don’t feel comfortable being out as enby so I NEEDED this.

Edit 2:

“Eat.

My.

Entire.

A**.” (Part of hate comment)

I just died in the best way. Still haven’t finished the video. I don’t think I’m gonna make it before I pull my cheek muscles from laughing so hard.

Edit 3: *pretends to down a shot with Contrapoints but its actually just water and your thinnly disguised need for an adult meme based Dora but to educate your -in between generation bottom- on internet culture, cuz why not?

[prpledusk]

Apprentices finally seeing Xiggy, (Ghost!Braig)

Okay so one comic Idea I wanna do in the future is the apprentices finally realizing “oh shit where braig?” Post KH3 so goin off my last dream scene, lets say its not long after the wielder ran into Xigbar and Ira doing whatever plan they got.

The Wielder is asked to free Braig but the other apprentices arent satisfied with just that, they dont want to just sit back while a CHILD saves their friend, Braig is their responsibillity, even if he betrayed them, they need to bring him home not some runt who barely knows .

So Dilan and Aeleus head off (against the wishes of Ienzo and Even) to find Braig themselves, they travel to a few worlds finding clue after clue until finding their brother in arms alongside two other Foretellers.

Dil: enough of this Nonesense Braig, you’re coming home even if we have to drag you back in a bag!

Xig: sounds like a party! Pay attention Boo, Yer not gonna wanna miss a seconed!

Fight ensues between two foretellers, Xigbar, and the two gaurds who barely manage to scrape by, but Xigbar gets a dirty shot in on Aeleus.

Aeleus goes down, not unconscious but definatly hurt and Xigbar has a bowgun aimed at the back of Aeleus’s head.

Dil: Braig please, stop this maddness! You dont have to do any of this Xehanort is gone!

Xig: Xehanort?! You really think that old coots still even a factor!? Geez you guys are thick, why are you friends with them?!

Xigbar moves his gun and walks over to the other foretellers who lower their weapons and tells them to skidaddle and he’ll catch up.

Xig: Imma ‘bout to blow these idiots minds, it’ll be awsome!

Confused the two gaurds look to their brother in arms with worry and Dilan quickley moves to Aeleus’s side to give him a potion.

Xig: You guys really think that Braig has a say in any of this? That he’s the one at the wheel? As if. Braiggy Boo’s been outta commision for the past sixteen years! Waaaay before Xehanort got his claws in us.

Dilan: what are you talking about?! Braig was-

Xigbar: so unimportant that you guys never noticed he was gone? So unbelievably forgettable that you’d forget the small details of his personality? So unabashedly DULL that when he stopped hangin out with you dorks it didnt bother you at all? Yeah kinda.

The whole while Xigbars looking next to himself grinning like the rat he is, Dilan and Aeleus cant help but look at the same spot. Suddenly it clicks, past small details that they all just shrugged off as Braig being Braig, Dates missed days on end that they wouldnt see their Brother…

Xigbar: hurts donnit? But what did I tell ya? They dont care, they never did. Only reason they’re here now is cause of me and my gang��so hows about you cool it Boo? Let loose, just lemme take care of everything. Forget. Them.

Dilan: Thats not true! We didnt know!

Dilan gets up and moves to attack Xigbar again only for the Nobody to easily outmaneuver the Dragoon physically and pin Dilan to the ground, aiming an arrow gun to the mans head.

Xigbar lil late to start careing now Daffodill~

at this close one can see tears have started falling from Xigbars eye.

Dilan: Braig, I swear We didnt forget you, we didnt think-

The guns shoved into his head.

Xigbar: thats the problem innit? You didnt think! None of you did! Your “Brother” has been stuck with me this whole time and did any of you notice!?-

Xigbar is suddenly pelted by a rock, and looks up in irritation.

Xigbar: the heck was that for!?

There’s a good moment of silence

Xigbar: you sure? Would be pretty cathardic, these guys diserve somethin…what kinda friend just leaves someone they care about to darkness?

He stops aiming his gun at Dilan and soon gives an annoyed huff before turning and opening a dark corridor.

Xigbar: whatever, yer call Boo. Just dont go throwin things at me, I need this body just as much as you do!

Dilan is Joined by Aeleus who helps the Dragoon up, the two helplessly watching as Xigbar begins to take his leave.

Aeleus: We’ll get him back, we’ll find you again, and we’ll bring Braig home.

Xigbar: …he waited sixteen years for someone to say that…

Xigbar seems to yank at something in the air, pulling an invisible force to follow.

Now he waits for them to actually do it.

[56-2023]

April 10 - right finger middle joint (last) pain stiff started in afternoon. Typical breakfast home style with pastry. Red wine (2 glasses) past 2 nights. Special occasion... rarely drink. Stress level low... feel cathartic attending therapy EMDR/FLASH - feeling grounded and in touch with emotions. Feel like my time in AUSTIN went well with MELISSA.! And our trip to Houston was bonding.

I felt like I heard her and gave her a voice. When we visited Celeste we were low key ... I reached out to JAMES and Jose while MJ engaged with her and boys.

I admitted that I wasn't as close to brothers but that I was focused on reparenting myself and embracing my emotions while I transition out of suicidal thought 2021.

We passed a test fixing a flat using tire mobility kit! Unfortunately, we didn't get a chance to return to the home to say goodby to Celeste and boys...Very 😞 sad.

Naomi reminded me it's ok to shelf the flat tire for later... focus on being present for Celeste and boys. I feel bad for hyperfocusing on rental flat in Houston! I truely wanted to continue seeing them with MJ before returning to ATX before dark. Easier said...parts of me hyperfocus on situation...

She played partuguise Spanish pop music and asked a lot of questions. About childhood and current goals. I asked her about modern family radius. I did mention Susan her mom called me and we talked for 3:13:00 hrs! Ted Lasso, Shrinking, Rob Low... , Chuy's MJ move, Her mom, my dad, Rockport, addition, youtube, Billy amends... Molly and kids visit... no pictures of husband, dogs during storms sedation. Her voice- euphoric, I was distracted some promised Yomi BBQ.

Up all night... little to no sleep. Drove Yomi to airport he ran late... and I was driving fast at 6am missed turn to avoid toll to Yomi's advantage... quicker route.

Then picked up MJ and drove her to Houston! We stopped at Buckys twice Bastrop. She had her nicotine fix both times. I treated her with respect. No judgement. Weather wasn't as bad as anticipated... no flooding. However, I was fearful of letting her drive... rental car didn't trust her defensive driving ability. Made excuses to drive most of the way... let her drive the last bit out of Bastrop.

I was very low key. No irritation ever... only ADHD MED to focus. Maybe a car or two irritated me not letting me in or something. Otherwise, very low key!

Thursday-

I drove to Apt we sat and played with Kiki and I asked about how she was feeling... she shared that it would have been a big deal to not feel comfortable in the past vulnerable having me over feeling Apt was a mess! She gave me a tour of Apt. we sat and talked for about an hour. Then we went to her favorite coffee shop and talked some more! Then I dropped her off and drove across town to cemetery 360 route was cathardic. Amazon locker/Walmart to pee and silk flower supplies. Turned around and went back north ... saw soccer stadium and drove to chuys. We hung out an hour or so and I left to arboretum-BARNES noble, Amy's ice cream, Costco gas, on my way to Rudy's when she called ... Then SUSAN called. I pulled into Randles parking lot talked, drove to Rudy's talked, drove to Yomi's dropped off food and returned to rental talked, went to bed at 12pm edged 2x's and felt like I stayed away the rest of the night... very odd!!! Kind of had low grade dairy stomach pain...

Rolled out of bed at 5 and showered. Yomi wasn't up so I texted and called him. Then I waited in vehicle until 6am. I told him when I called him that I'd warm up the car. He seemed surprise I was outside and told me that Funmi was not going to be home until late and she wanted to show me where the food was! I ran inside and quickly returned to drive... 65-70mph is the norm. I wasn't having fun on 183 in dark w/ rain. I missed the turn to avoid toll going there and returning home! Funmi left front door unlocked for me so I returned to lock up. However, I waited almost until 7:45 am to leave airport wondering if he caught his flight. He said he called but I didn't get his call. He texted at 7:50. I started questioning the relationship at that point. Wondering if he is trustworthy. He seems shallow then he surprises you with deep encouraging text. He can engage with spiritual truths about relationship... but we obviously don't communicate well. We both can be avoidant I suppose.

Got triggered by Hertz adding insurance rate per day to policy. Doubled my rate!!! I was to tired to recognize what was happening as I left parking garage. The anger came and went during the visit a few times. Luckily, the intake return rental staff was off the chart approachable and skilled! She credited my account the difference... said I had to pay full amount but she listened and I told her about flat tire.

The flight back was very low key... TSA PASS A+, upgrade to premium paid for itself 100% booked flight Group B seating!!!! A+ , Steamed John McCenroe and OTTO. Both made me cry! Landed at 9:00am stopped for breakfast at Longbottom! Drove home and ate at Apt.

BTW- I went to bed Friday night at 9pm and woke up at 3am to check tire. Went back to bed and rolled out at 4:30 took shower and left by 5am. Took mopac to 360 to 290 w/ no toll!!! Very little traffic Saturday morning!!! Made it to gate by 6:15am!!! Once again, TSA PASS was amazing!!! Only 2-3 deep vs 25-30plus!!!

Was it hard to listen to MJ describe the trauma? You did this ___

Celeste and her would color at my parents when it got tense!

Girls that sit on dads laps - message that was gross!

Brian - curious vs judge !!! Ted lasso!

SLM- Sheldon sat behind him talked to him the whole time about... he was a dear in headlights!

MJ- GPA BILLS Funeral- I attended but Gma D didn't and MJ was disappointed and upset she didn't attend.

MJ- Patrick takes plays devils advocate with MJ ... she doesn't feel heard! I can relate to Patrick's way and wish I understood it's more about feeling heard than trying to create dialogue...

MJ- GPA was asked to teach her how to park but was curious how to teach her if she hadn't driven yet? Haha 😂

MJ- how I acted around women, how my dad acted around them how I reparent and don't feel the same way... I was worried about spending to much time thought worried id hurt her saying something wrong... I didn't know how to have a relationship with female that wasn't physical. Had to keep my distance! Now, because I have a relationship with self I can be vulnerable myself around other females and not let it be about physical.

MJ - tree painting in shed. I told her it didn't look like a tree. Critical... I let her continue but I think I borderline dissociated and tried to recall because I vaguely remembered the task no recall of my action behavior! Grandpa was in town during that event BTW! I remembered him visiting when I returned to Oregon. What was her point... about my critical comment about tree... ya I dissociated!

MJ - slept in Thursday until 8am after her Wed ketamine! I did too... went to bed at 2:30am.

SLM- Gma D commented that MJ looked different. Melissa said she's on psychotropic Rx. My 1st thought was oh no... GMA isn't close to MELISSA and she's trying to hot wire her emotionally to relate for relationship. ??? She might think that ? Is harmless but she's bypassing layers of context to get to relationship. SLM was there and too offense for MJ ... perhaps her mom doesn't have capacity to experience time with MJ (trust) maybe GMA D is feeling entitled to a level of personal relationship based on family status.

SLM- can't be in a relationship with mom but she can relate. That looks like sharing at a level of trust that pacifies her moms capacity for relationship.

SLM- Boundaries- is smallest distance at which I can love both you and me. Oh it's a half a mile!!!

SLM- Clean up my side of street! Instantly got pregnant and instantly got back into pxx

SLM- God is here and has something for SLM! Searching for Spiritual nuggets ... checking her own log on her eye... that was torturous don't get me wrong!! Your in this dance what's your part! Every class boundaries, changes that heal, recovery depart classss at church GT!

I want to understand this ...

SLM is addicted to thinking -Paula!

Deep revelation...

MJ and I realized Celeste might be closer to my dad because she didn't hear him and fear him... like everybody else did! She still has nightmares. Boys names Max, Michael

MJ- online friend dating... vetting those that like same authors... movies YouTube without saying how they process?

-Pushing friends/people without trauma away.

- we are the same for a lot of issues. Triggers: noises,

-her suicide happened in relationship when she felt like her cracks were showing and he was going to leave! He said if she was wanting to be sad all the time that he was going to leave? That's not the person he was wanting to stay with.

MJ- I was 15yrs volunteered to hospital. Acting out! Why acting out? Wanted to be heard!! Austin 15yrs old separation! Travis 15yrs old told him about me! No secrets!

MJ- mad at mom family secrets! When dad kicked out she maybe was questioned why separation why kicked out? The the secrets came out!!! If I had changed maybe she would have exposed the insanity and gas lighting kids!

SLM- if she moves away she is moving away from mom who is taking her to therapy... among other things...Me- is Patrick open enough to supporting MJ in family community! Will he gaslight her to move away and not grow or is that question far fetched? Is family stable enough to give space and support without judgement! Does Brian talk to SLM and Billy? To take a pulse on grounded ness? Can family hold space for each other even if she moves across town?

CHUYS- MJ and Patrick - let Patrick talk about guitar and music and Brazil's .Zara bs Zlatan Ibrahim

NAOMI:

-ok to shelf the flat tire for later... focus on being present for Celeste and boys. I feel bad for hyperfocusing on rental flat in Houston! I truely wanted to continue seeing them with MJ before returning to ATX before dark.

-I think I dissociated just then can you repeat ...?

- I underestimate MJ defensive driving... she did well the last bit driving from Bastrop to apt.



[locustheologicus]

Colbert/Cooper’s Spe Salvi Moment

I recently saw this video where Stephen Cobert was interviewed by Anderson Cooper and the question of faith in the midst of suffering came up. It is a beautiful and heartfelt conversation where they both shared from the depths of their own sense of loss. For many of us who have and are going through various forms of suffering I suggest you consider the wisdom that is flowing here.

I want to highlight Colbert’s response when he asked to clarify if he truly believes a statement he made with a different interview that he had “learned to love the thing that I most wish had not happened” and his belief that punishments of God are gifts. This is a powerful question and you can see that Cooper chokes as he considers the question himself. This is a very deep theological consideration. For us Christians suffering is a gift that allows us to experience all aspect of life including the intimacy of sharing in the suffering of others. His responce is “yes, it is a gift to exist” and “with existence comes suffering, there is no escaping that.” This interview is a cathardic experience for me. There is a great wisdom here for me to consider as  I consider the suffering that I go through in my life. I want to share and promote this pearl of Catholic wisdom to all those who do suffer.

The theological point that is succently made here is: Are we grateful for life? That is the foundation of Christian hope that allows us to find meaning in all the joys and sufferings we endure. If we can accept a general gratuitousness towards the gift of life than this theology of suffering will make sense to us. But this is the prerequisite condition. Do we recognise life as a gift from God? and are we grateful for that gift?

This theology of gratuitousness and suffering forms our overall theology of hope. Christianity is based on the idea that God suffers with us and in doing so redeems our suffering humanity. At the level of social justice we are also taught that Christ not only suffers but suffers a great social injustice. He is arrested, tried, punishes and ultimately executed through an unjust social system. In this sense Jesus not ony redeems our suffering humanity but vindicates the message of justice and peace that is at the heart of his own teaching. 

One of my favorite doctrinal teachings from Pope Benedict XVI was his encyclical teaching on hope titled Spe Salvi. What Colbert and Cooper reflect on are deep theological truths that are at the center of this Papal teaching. Pope Benedict XVI instructs us on the redeeming quality that suffering has. Not only in allowing us to find meaning and hope for the pain we go through, but also by placing it in the context of our deeper social commitment to the unjust sufferings of others.   

The true measure of humanity is essentially determined in relationship to suffering and to the sufferer. This holds true both for the individual and for society. A society unable to accept its suffering members and incapable of helping to share their suffering and to bear it inwardly through “com-passion” is a cruel and inhuman society.

To suffer with the other and for others; to suffer for the sake of truth and justice; to suffer out of love and in order to become a person who truly loves—these are fundamental elements of humanity, and to abandon them would destroy man himself.

I shared a post some years ago about an American politican who also preached on this Catholic wisdom after the assasination of Martin Luther King Jr. Like Colbert he shared on his own experience of suffering and loss and raised the wisdom of a Greek philospher who also found hope and meaning in suffering. In that post I have RFK’s famous recorded speech that he made in Indianapolis. If you listen to his speech please consider the social message he offers the African-American community as he shares this wisdom.  

As I mentioned above, Both Colbert and Pope Benedict XVI also reminds us that for us Catholics/Christians God suffers with us. The teachings of Jurgen Moltmann (who deeply influenced Liberation Theology), came out of the experience of World War II. He reminds us that a Crucified Christ is a Christ that both experiences unjust suffering, and empowers us to respond to the personal and social suffering that we see in our society. Pope Benedict XVI is very much promoting this teaching in his encyclical.  

The Christian faith has shown us that truth, justice and love are not simply ideals, but enormously weighty realities. It has shown us that God —Truth and Love in person—desired to suffer for us and with us. Bernard of Clairvaux coined the marvellous expression: ‘Impassibilis est Deus, sed non incompassibilis’—God cannot suffer, but he can suffer with. Man is worth so much to God that he himself became man in order to suffer with man in an utterly real way—in flesh and blood—as is revealed to us in the account of Jesus's Passion. Hence in all human suffering we are joined by one who experiences and carries that suffering with us; hence con-solatio is present in all suffering, the consolation of God's compassionate love—and so the star of hope rises.