#Internal Solid State Drives

[lookforpornography-mastrubation]

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[kamalkafir-blog]

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[neverendingford]

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[deception-united]

First, I love your blog!

Second, How do you go about writing about characters' sexualities and gender orientations without making it their defining and only characteristic?

Thank you!

Hi, and thank you so much! ❤

Writing Sexuality & Gender

The main thing to keep in mind here is to make their character just as complex and well-rounded as any other. Here's how I'd approach it:

1. Start with an overall profile.

One method that could work for you is to flesh out things like personality, motivations, backstory, hobbies, goals, fears, weaknesses, flaws, strengths, and their role in the story before deciding on this element of your character. Create a well-rounded profile before deciding on sexuality or gender orientation—and this is not to say that these traits are not just as important to a character's identity, but this approach could help avoid stereotyping or making their entire character built around that.

I've found this works well in other cases, as well; for instance, a comment on a previous post explained how they decided to make their character POC after they had finished developing their personality and backstory in order to avoid stereotyping. If you fully develop who they are as a person, their identity will naturally fit into their story rather than overshadow it. (See my post on character profiles for more tips and elements to include!)

2. Reveal it naturally.

Instead of flatly stating a character’s identity, try revealing it naturally through dialogue, behavior, or relationships. For instance, a character casually referencing a past girlfriend or sharing their pronouns during introductions feels more organic than an expository declaration.

3. Make it part of their experience.

While a character’s sexuality or gender may influence how they navigate the world, it doesn’t need to drive the entire plot unless the story is explicitly about those themes. The character might face societal or internal struggles, but they could also just be solving a mystery, pursuing a dream, going on a quest—give them a good, solid arc, like you would for any other character.

It's important to focus on relationships, too. Show how their orientation or gender plays into their relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or familial. Do they have a supportive best friend? A strained relationship with a family member? A mentor who’s helped them with self-acceptance? These sorts of dynamics will help add depth and make their identity feel woven into the overall fabric of their life.

4. Avoid the "token" trap.

If a character is the only one in the story with a specific identity, their representation can feel forced or spotlighted. Building a diverse cast with layered characters is important so you don't have a single character who's carrying the weight of representation on their shoulders.

5. Do your research.

If you’re writing about an identity outside your own experience, make sure you understand it deeply. Research lived experiences, read books or watch media by creators with that identity, and consult sensitivity readers to ensure your portrayal is respectful and accurate.

Overall, it's about portraying characters as whole, multifaceted people—to make their identities a significant part of them without being everything. Hope this helped!

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[jumpywhumpywriter]

Traitors & Lovers (Hero & Villain) part 11

Warnings: severely injured villain, stab wound, drugging/nonconsensual sedation, popped stitches, mega failed escape attempt

Because there, in the doorway, stood Hero.

Her Hero. In the flesh.

Their eyes locked, and for a solid minute they merely stared at each other, the charged silence stretching between them.

Then Hero took a step forward, face switching from surprise to worry. "Hey, love, how are you feeling?" He asked quietly, carefully approaching the bed Villain was sitting on.

"You don't get to call me that," Villain rasped venomously, voice scratchy from disuse. "You lost that right when you betrayed me." It stopped Hero in his tracks, and she savored the way his face crumpled as her words struck home.

"I thought I lost you--" Hero started to speak again, voice cracking with emotion, but Villain sharply cut him off, her tone harsh and unforgiving.

"It would be better if you had," she hissed. "You shouldn't have saved me. I wish you hadn't." She watched Hero flinch and got a sort of twisted satisfaction from it.

"Why did you save me, anyway? I'm nothing to you, remember? Nothing but a tool to gain intel for the hero Agency." Villain's eyes flicked around the room while she spoke, searching for an escape. Despite her calm exterior, she was actually terrified, her heart beating painfully against her ribs.

But then -- there. The window was open to let in fresh air. Perfect.

Villain glanced back to Hero once, then at the window again -- and made her move. She sprung off the bed, adrenaline giving supernatural strength to her weak limbs, and lurched into a staggering, adrenaline-powered run, making a desperate dash to jump out the window and get away. Anything to escape.

"Don't—!" Hero yelled, lunging for her.

Villain barely made it to the windowsill before she was tackled to the floor and pinned down by Hero's strong, firm, but surprisingly gentle hands. They grabbed Villain's wrists and pinned them to the floor above her head, and Hero straddled her stomach to keep her on her back and prevent her from getting up.

Villain internally cringed at how exposed and vulnerable the position felt, even as she cried out in pain at the weight of Hero pressing into the wound in her side.

Hero full-body flinched when she yelped, immediately shifting his weight off her so that he was still towering over her, but no longer crushing her into the floor and causing pain.

"Sorry!" He blurted. "But you shouldn't have tried to run -- you're still healing."

Villain could barely make out the words over the sound of her own blood pounding in her ears, terror driving her. She struggled fiercely under his grip, thrashing and writhing frantically, but in her badly weakened state, Hero easily overpowered her, keeping her on the ground until the fight had left her and drained the last of her energy, leaving her panting for air and glaring up at him.

"Are you done now?" Hero asked dryly, quirking an exasperated eyebrow.

Villain bared her teeth at him in a feral grin.

"You know, you reeeeeeaaaly seem to enjoy pinning me against things," she sniped with a vicious smirk, expression turning smug. "A little too dominant, don't you think? I thought I was the dominant one in this relationship... and I'm not sure I like the swapped roles."

Hero's brain took a second to register what she'd said because of how random a remark it was given the situation, and once his mind caught up he barked out a startled laughter, flustered, and felt his face redden embarrassingly.

Villain had a way of disarming him like no one else with her cheerful witty nature alone. It was a deadly, beautiful danger she posed to her enemies.

Villain's eyes narrowed, and Hero realized too late that it had actually been a cleverly improvised way of distracting him when she drove her knee straight up into his crotch.

Hero hunched over in pain with a wheeze and nearly collapsed on top of Villain on the spot, losing his grip on her just enough that she was able to wriggle free.

"You should know better," Villain tsked as she lurched to her feet and retreated several wobbly steps away from where he was doubled over himself groaning in agony. "A snake may shed its skin, but it is still a snake. And snakes bite when threatened."

"That was a low blow and you know it," Hero groaned, grimacing.

Villain merely smiled. Viciously. "I don't play fair," she icily replied, “when it comes to survival.” She inched toward the window while Hero was down, not wanting to turn her back to him.

"Villain -- you're popping your stitches," Hero panted. "You need to calm down and let me help you. Don't be stupid -- you need me!"

Villain didn't risk taking her eyes off him, but she knew he was right. She could feel the warm blood seeping through her bandages. But she didn't care.

Hero was watching her closely now, reaching into his pocket for something -- and Villain didn't wait around to see what it was. She whipped around and cried out in pain as she heaved herself up to get out the window. Her wounded body wasn't ready for that kind of movement yet, and it screamed in agony as wounds ripped open again in her panicked desperation.

Villain managed to get halfway out before arms wrapped around her from behind and yanked her backwards, pulling her down to the floor again and wrangling her into a restraining hold.

"I HATE YOU!" Villain wailed, then started screaming in sheer anger at her own helplessness. She didn't even try to form words -- she just screamed her rage to the world, giving up fighting Hero's grip. It was futile anyway.

She felt the sharp prick of a needle in her neck, and immediately knew that Hero was knocking her out to get her under control.

Because he can't handle me without drugging me, Villain thought angrily. I'm not some rabid animal he can contain. Bastard.

"I hate you!" Villain screamed again, and broke down sobbing miserably, hating that she was falling apart in front of Hero like this. She trembled violently in his arms, shivering and sweaty from the scuffle.

"I hate you," she whispered, her voice fading as the sedatives took hold.

"...I know," was all Hero murmured in answer.

And then Villain finally slipped under.

⏪️ Back Next ⏩️

Masterlist

@scoundrelwithboba @lumpofsand @isikedmyself878 @iamheretohurt @fleur-a-whump

@ay5ksal @otterfrost @sausages-things @togzy

@whump-till-ya-jump @cravesunconditionallove @whumpwritinglover222 @written-in-the-stars135 @neverthelass

@starz8nk @redwinesupanover @whumpisgoodwhumpislife @theforeverdyingperson @whatwhump

@writing-with-olive @and-we-shake-the-iron-hand @art3m1zz @enigmawriteswhump

[tainsan]

misfits X

⇥ pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader

⇥ warnings: anxiety, depression, mentions of suicide, mentions of death, mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of abuse, heavy emotions

⇥ word count: 10.5k

⇥ a/n: i have been gone for a very long time, i am so sorry to all of you who have been patiently waiting ;-; i've been very sick and unmotivated to write so it has been hard to keep up with the story.

⇢ masterlist ⇠

previous chapter ⇠ ⇢ next chapter

--- THIS IS AN 18+ FANFICTION MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ---

It has been mere days since the shocking revelation that your so-called friends from high school are not only alive but also present in your life once more. The grief that consumed you when they left, tearing at your heartstrings, seems to be the dominant emotion that courses through your veins. The rollercoaster of emotions leaves you stumbling, struggling to find solid ground amidst the chaos.

In the wake of their return, you have found refuge in Jisung's company. Thankfully, he managed to scavenge up some of your clothes from his messy wardrobe, sparing you the agony of stepping foot into the shared house that now carries a weight of dread. His kind gesture offers a small hint of comfort in an otherwise turbulent existence.

Despite your better judgement, you have been avoiding your lectures, terribly aware that Mingi awaits you outside your classroom, desperate to offer his apologies. The thought of facing the other members of Ateez, their familiar faces and the flood of memories they bring, fills you with an overwhelming sense of fragility. The mere prospect threatens to further unravel the fragile threads of your sanity.

Now, as Monday arrives, you know you have to summon the strength to go to class, as the lecture holds significant importance. In your heart, you would definitely pass by it all, preferring to remain cocooned in the solace of your (Jisung’s) bed, shielded from the harsh glare of reality and the potential encounter with the eight men you are struggling to avoid. Their lies, like menacing vines, consume you from within, gnawing at your fragile state of mind.

Thoughts race incessantly through your mind as you gaze into the mirror, meticulously adjusting your hair for what feels like the thousandth time. The act itself seems almost trivial in the grand scheme of things, a futile attempt to regain a semblance of control in a world that feels increasingly chaotic. Deep down, you question why you even bother to fuss over your appearance, knowing all too well that if you were to cross paths with one of your roommates, instinct would drive you to run in the opposite direction.

Despite the turmoil that has engulfed you, an internal battle rages within your soul. You yearn to harbour resentment and despise them for the pain they have caused, yet the magnetic pull of attraction, love, and sympathy overrides your every attempt to sever the ties that bind. The conflicting emotions leave you entangled in a web of emotional turmoil, struggling to make sense of it all.

“Are you almost ready?” Jisung’s voice sounds from outside of the bathroom door. In these past few days, Jisung has become an unwavering presence by your side, recognizing the delicate state of your emotions and the potential for a downward spiral into a deep, depressive abyss. He understands the fragility of your heart during such times, and he remains vigilant, refusing to leave you alone even for a moment. His solid support serves as a lifeline, anchoring you amidst the tumultuous storm raging within.

Not only Jisung, but Minho as well, has stepped up in caring for you with meticulous attention. Their devoted care feels overwhelming at times, as they anticipate your needs and comfort you through the darkest moments. Their steady presence and genuine concern provide a sense of solace amidst the chaos that engulfs your heart. Though you might initially find their efforts to be over the top, your gratitude swells within you, recognizing the immeasurable comfort they offer as they surround you with love and understanding.

Stepping out of the bathroom, you meekly smile at Jisung, who gives you a warm smile in return. Walking closer to you, he rests his hands on your shoulders, straightening out your oversized t-shirt that belongs to your best friend.

"You look amazing," Jisung's voice whispers softly, like a gentle breeze caressing your weary soul. His words carry a sense of warmth and tenderness, creating a serene haven where you can momentarily find rest from the turbulent storm within. You absorb his words; a flicker of a smile graces your lips. The genuine care and kindness reflected in his eyes and words offer a reprieve from the storm of emotions that swirl within. It is a gentle reminder that amidst the chaos, you are seen, cherished, and valued.

The morning sun casts its golden glow upon the bustling streets as you and Jisung embark on your walk to campus. An air of tension hangs heavily around you, evident in the way your steps falter and your gaze remains fixated on the ground. Anxiety tugs at your every nerve, as you dread the mere possibility of encountering even one of your roommates, the very individuals you have been actively avoiding for the past few days.

Approaching the school grounds, your heart lurches in your chest, threatening to escape its confines. Eyes darting around anxiously, scanning the surroundings in a desperate attempt to avoid any potential encounters. But fate, it seems, has a different plan in store.

Amidst the crowd of students, your gaze locks onto a familiar face - Jongho. Panic courses through your veins, urging you to flee from his impending presence. With a quick, desperate glance at Jisung, you silently implore for his support, hoping that you can slip away unnoticed.

But fate, it seems, has a cruel sense of timing. Before the two of you can make your escape, Jongho spots you, his eyes widening with recognition. Determination etches lines upon his face as he closes the distance between you, a sense of urgency in his stride.

Heart pounding in your chest, breath catching in your throat, as you brace yourself for the conversation you have been desperately trying to avoid. Jisung, ever the pillar of support, remains steadfast at your side, offering a calm presence amidst the whirlwind of emotions. Yet, you can't help but feel a mix of fear and curiosity as Jongho approaches. A whirlpool of thoughts churns within your mind, unsure of what Jongho might want to say and how it may impact the delicate balance you have been trying to maintain. The world seems to slow down as Jongho draws nearer, his voice calling out your name in desperation, catching the attention of curious onlookers.

Jongho comes closer to you and Jisung, a pang of concern grips your heart. Even from a distance, you can discern the telltale signs of exhaustion etched upon his features. His eye bags, once barely noticeable, now seem to protrude beneath his weary eyes. The paleness of his complexion accentuates the prominence of his cheekbones, a stark reminder of the toll recent events has taken on him.

A wave of empathy washes over you, accompanied by a deep ache within your chest. It becomes painfully clear that Jongho's fatigue extends beyond the realms of mere sleep deprivation. The visible indicators hint at a deeper struggle, one that transcends the boundaries of physical weariness. The realisation dawns upon you with a heavy weight — he has likely neglected his own well-being, rejecting the basic needs of nutrition and rest.

Jongho nears, you find yourself torn between the desire to hold onto your guarded stance and the instinctual urge to offer him comfort. With these thoughts swirling within you, you brace yourself for the conversation that awaits.

Instinctively, Jisung pushes you behind him, covering you from the sudden attention of people walking past. When Jongho reaches the two of you, before he can utter a single word, Jisung speaks for you.

"Jongho, please leave us alone," Jisung's voice rings out, his tone not harsh, but laced with a trace of resentment. Yet, as he takes in the hurt and desperation etched upon Jongho's face, a subtle shift occurs within him. The hardness in his eyes softens, and a glimmer of empathy flickers in the depths of his gaze. As he locks eyes with Jongho, Jisung senses a shared burden, the weight of regret and remorse. Though he had harboured slight anger, witnessing Jongho's sorrow evokes a sense of compassion within him.

In Jisung's gaze, there is a flicker of understanding. While he may not fully forgive or forget, he sees the layers of Jongho's struggle, the internal conflict that mirrors your own. It is in this moment, amidst the tangled emotions and unspoken truths, that Jisung hesitates, a hint of compassion softening the edges of his heart.

“Please can I speak with her?” Jongho’s voice is soft and the traces of hurt, and grief are evident in his voice, cutting through your heart.

“That is for ____ to decide.” Jisung replies, encouraging you to speak, knowing Jongho will not leave until he hears it from you.

Emerging from behind Jisung's protective stance, your eyes meet Jongho's, and in that electrifying moment, the world around you fades into insignificance. The image of Jongho, once perceived through a lens of set notions and distant encounters, undergoes an intense transformation before your eyes.

Gone is the label of the rough boy you initially encountered during tutoring sessions, replaced by a sudden flood of memories and shared moments. Unveiling the true heart of Jongho that had remained concealed until now. You recall his endearing shyness, the gentle laughter that would escape his lips as he blended seamlessly with his group of friends. The image of him occupying that familiar spot on that damn brown couch, a constant presence in your shared space, is etched into your memory with startling clarity.

The realisation washes over you like a bittersweet wave, leaving you both captivated and shaken. The complexities of Jongho's character, once overlooked or overshadowed, now come into focus with an overwhelming sense of resonance. It is as if you are peering beneath the surface, uncovering a fragile soul who, like you, is also grappling with his own demons.

“Please, ___. Just come home and let us explain everything.” Jongho exclaims, quietly, his voice almost breaking under the weight of the situation.

Caught in the whirlwind of conflicting emotions, you find yourself locked in a silent battle within your own mind. The weight of the decision to step foot in the house once more hangs heavily upon you, tugging at the fragile threads of your resolve. Each part of you wrestles with its own desires, yearning for resolution yet wary of the vulnerabilities it may expose.

One part of you longs for answers, craving the closure that can only come from hearing their explanations. Years of unanswered questions echo through the corridors of your thoughts, begging to be heard, to be acknowledged. The alluring possibility of understanding their motivations, of finding relief in their words, beckons to you like a siren's call. Yet, another part of you hesitates, wary of the profound impact their presence may have on you. Stepping foot back into the house could unravel the defences you have carefully constructed, blurring the boundaries between forgiveness and vulnerability. Their mere presence, with all its comforting familiarity, threatens to lure you into the embrace of forgiveness.

The struggle within you intensifies, an intricate dance between the desire for closure and the fear of falling back into old patterns. The decision carries immense weight, one that requires a delicate balance between self-preservation and the pursuit of understanding. As you weigh the consequences of your choice, the echoes of their absence reverberate within you. The house, once a sanctuary, now stands as a threshold that divides your past and your future.

In this moment of contemplation, you find solace in acknowledging the significance of your own growth. You recognize the power that lies within you to navigate this maze of emotions, to determine what is truly best for your well-being. Whether you choose to step foot back into the house or forge a new path forward, it is your strength and resilience that will guide you towards the resolution you seek. Even if you get the closure you desperately need, there is no saying you have to forgive them.

All you do is nod at Jongho, before turning away, with Jisung to walk to your class.

As the weight of the moment settles upon Jongho, it seems to hover in a state of suspended bliss. The heaviness that once consumed the atmosphere dissipates, replaced by an ethereal lightness that dances in the air. Emotions, once chaotic and burdened, now give way to a sense of hope and possibility.

In that decisive moment, you chose to open the door to hearing them out, to grant them the opportunity to share their truths. It is not a guarantee of forgiveness, nor does it absolve the pain of the past, but it signifies a willingness to explore the possibility of a shared future. By extending this invitation, you offer them a lifeline—a chance to keep you in their lives.

For them, this realisation dawns upon them with a poignant clarity. Through the trials and tribulations of the past few years, they have come to understand the significance of your presence in their lives. The understanding that they have a chance, however slight, to keep you by their side fills them with a renewed determination. They understand that it will require effort, growth, and vulnerability on their part to earn back your trust. But they are willing to embark on that journey, guided by the profound realisation that your existence in their lives is an irreplaceable source of joy and comfort where they can find nowhere else.

---

The hands of the clock slowly inch towards the final moments of your last class, time seems to stretch into an eternity. Each passing minute feels like a lifetime, the weight of the impending encounter with the boys growing heavier with each tick. The room feels suffocating, as if it plots to delay your agony, amplifying the anticipation that swirls within.

The professor's words echo in the background, lost in a haze of restless thoughts. Your mind races, contemplating the choices that lie before you. Should you muster the courage to face the boys, to honour your commitment to at least listen to what they have to say? Or should you succumb to the temptation of avoidance, prolonging the inevitable moment of confrontation?

In this moment of contemplation, the weight of your decision bears down upon you. The prospect of returning to the house, confronting the boys, feels like crossing an unstable path fraught with uncertainty. A part of you yearns to retreat, to shield yourself from the potential pain and vulnerability that lie ahead. It whispers enticingly, urging you to continue ignoring them, maintaining the safety of distance. Yet, you find yourself drawn to the unsaid promise you made to Jongho. The mere act of indicating your willingness to listen, to provide them with an opportunity to express themselves, tugs at your sense of integrity. It is a test of your strength and resilience, a reminder that you have the capacity to confront the complexities of the situation head-on.

As the final words of the professor hang in the air, the moment of truth draws near. You take a deep breath, grounding yourself in the knowledge that this choice holds the power to shape the path of your journey. The path ahead may be uncertain and scattered with challenges, but your willingness to at least hear them out serves as a witness to your unwavering spirit. With resolve in your heart, you gather your belongings and prepare to face what lies ahead. The weight of your decision lingers in the air, mingling with the fear and hope that swirl within you. As you step out of the classroom, the path stretches before you, beckoning you to embrace the unknown, to confront the boys and the truth that awaits within the walls of the house.

Walking down the well-known street, the familiarity of the surroundings adds a bittersweet tinge to your journey. Each twist and turn feels etched into your memory, the winding roads leading you closer to the house that now holds a complicated mix of emotions. Despite the hesitation that grips your heart, you navigate the route almost instinctively, the path fixed into your consciousness.

The daylight begins to vanish, casting long shadows along the familiar streets, you know that the time draws near for all eight of your roommates to gather in the house. The anticipation weighs upon you, the knowledge of their presence amplifying the nervous flutter in your chest. The prospect of confronting them, of delving into the depths of their shared secrets, feels like tiptoeing upon a fragile precipice.

Approaching the house, the nerves intensify, your fingers fidgeting restlessly. Doubt clouds your mind, tempting you to turn back, to postpone the conversation for another day. Deep within, a sense of fairness emerges, reminding you that they too have carried the burden of hidden truths for far too long.

Acknowledging the pain that they have endured, the empathy within your heart stirs. It becomes clear that it would be unfair to keep them waiting, to prolong the revelation that hangs in the air like a heavy blanket. With this understanding, you brace yourself, reminding yourself of the importance of confronting the truth, no matter how difficult or frightening it may be.

The fear and anticipation intertwine as you stand outside the house, its walls holding secrets that have shattered the foundation of trust. In this moment, you confront the choice between fleeting comfort and the pursuit of resolution. The weight of your decision hangs palpably in the air.

Summoning your strength, you take a deep breath, grounding yourself in the understanding that this conversation is an essential step towards healing. With your heart pounding in your chest, you push your key into the lock and open the door, stepping into the threshold of truth, ready to confront the tangled web of secrets that has bound you all together.

Stepping inside the house, a disquieting stillness envelops the familiar space, casting strangeness over the once vibrant home. The silence hangs heavy in the air, an eerie contrast to the usual symphony of sounds that greeted you upon entering. There was no Hongjoong engrossed in his favourite television show, no wild laughter or heated exchanges from upstairs, no uproar of gaming frustrations echoing through the halls. It feels as if the very essence of life has been sucked out of the walls, leaving behind a detectable tension and an unspoken grief.

The sudden absence of the usual noise, the absence of the positive vibrations that always greet you, sends a jolt of unease through your being. It hits you like a punch to the gut, a stark reminder that something is missing. The once comforting and lively atmosphere has been replaced with a ghostly silence that creeps around every corner, coating the walls with a layer of sombre tension.

Standing frozen in the hallway, you take a moment to steady your racing heart, attempting to calm the tears that threaten to overflow. The weight of the situation settles heavily upon your shoulders, pressing down on your chest, and you can't help but feel an overwhelming heaviness seep into all of your nerves.

Summoning your determination, you continue on your path towards the kitchen, a glimmer of hope guiding your steps. It is there, in the heart of the house, that you anticipate finding at least one familiar face. As you approach the kitchen door, a mix of apprehension and curiosity courses through your veins.

Peeking your head around the doorframe, your eyes widen as they meet the gaze of eight pairs of shocked eyes fixated on you. The burden of their collective surprise hangs in the air, their gaze evidence to the significance of your arrival. Amidst the sea of bewildered expressions, you lock eyes with Jongho, and in that moment, his grateful smile speaks volumes. It is a silent acknowledgement, a wordless exchange of gratitude for upholding your promise to listen, even amidst the uncertainty and fear.

In the middle of the tense silence, a glimmer of connection flickers. It is a fragile thread that links you to these individuals, a reminder that, no matter the pain and secrets that have plagued you all, there is still a bond that is held, even though it is fragile and close to absolute deterioration, it is still there. With a deep breath, you step further into the kitchen, ready to face the uncharted territory of conversations and revelations that lie ahead.

With each unsteady step that carries you closer to the kitchen island, a collective sense of uncertainty radiates from the eight figures gathered there. Their eyes, filled with a mixture of disbelief and hope, fixate upon you as you navigate the space between you. The empty seat beside Yeosang and San beckons, a silent invitation that holds comfort for your legs that are having a difficult time keeping you steady.

Your gaze sweeps across the faces gathered around the kitchen island, a wave of emotion washes over you. Each face bears the unmistakable marks of weariness and exhaustion, mirroring the expression you witnessed on Jongho's face earlier. The toll of sleepless nights and the weight of the situation are etched upon their features, an unspoken testament to the impact it has had on each of them. A mixture of sadness and relief floods your heart as you realise that you are not alone in your heavy burden. The sight of their tired eyes and the fatigue carved upon their faces serves as a bittersweet reassurance. It signifies that you are not the sole bearer of the pain and turmoil that has enveloped your shared lives.

You settle into the vacant chair. In this suspended moment, the depth of their anticipation is mirrored in your own hesitant presence.

Amidst the collective hush, a voice breaks through the stillness, trembling with raw emotion. It is San, meekly calling out your name, his voice laced with tears and the influence of sleepless nights spent tormented by his own thoughts. His words carry the weight of prayers answered, a great relief washing over him as he utters your name. The tears that well in the corners of his eyes bear witness to the depth of his feelings, the feeling of uncertainty and longing finally finding release. It is an indication of the immense magnitude of your presence, a ray of hope that pierces through the darkness that has consumed them all.

San's voice lingers in the air, the collective tension begins to give way to an unspoken understanding. In this hushed atmosphere, time seems to stand still, as if the universe itself holds its breath. The conversations that will follow, the revelations and vulnerabilities that will be shared, hold the potential to reshape the very fabric of your shared existence. With a blend of anticipation, trepidation, and hope, you brace yourself for the words that are threatening to spill out of your mouth.

“So,” you begin, and you visibly notice how the men around you hold their breaths, “I would like some answers, please.”

The silent exchange among the eight men speaks volumes, their eyes shifting from one another as they grapple with the weight of their collective emotions. The question lingers in the air, a wordless plea for guidance on who should step forward, who should bear the burden of answering the questions that weigh heavily on your heart.

San, Mingi, and Wooyoung wish to lend their voices to the conversation, to offer their words and share the depths of their own emotions. Yet, their throats feel constricted, choked by the overwhelming surge of emotions that threaten to spill forth. Their gaze flits between their companions, seeking solace and support amidst the tangled web of feelings that entwines them.

Among this silent deliberation, the focus gravitates towards Seonghwa and Hongjoong, their presence commanding attention. Their eyes meet yours, and you can discern the shimmering tears that cling to the edge of Seonghwa's gaze, mirroring the pain that echoes within your own heart.

Yet, it is Hongjoong's visage that strikes you with a profound sense of shock. The once playful, teasing glimmer in his eyes is replaced by a heartbroken expression that etches lines of sorrow upon his face. The stark contrast between his usual demeanour and the raw vulnerability that now radiates from him leaves you breathless. It is as if you are witnessing the unmasking of a side that has long been concealed, revealing the depth of his own pain and remorse.

“Ask us anything, we will answer truthfully.” Hongjoong says, his voice carrying its familiar authority, yet laced with a tenderness that wraps around you like a comforting embrace. His words hold a weight of sincerity, a genuine desire to be heard and understood. It's as if the sharp edges that once defined his voice have been softened, replaced by a warmth that melts the barriers between you.

You are not sure where to start, your words feeling as if they are stuck in your throat, you start with the most obvious question, even though it sounds absolutely absurd the second it leaves your mouth.

“It is you, right? KQ Fellaz?” you question, looking between each male.

With a collective display of understanding and respect, each of the men nods in response to your question. Their movements are deliberate, their expressions conveying a sense of sincerity and truth. The certainty of their response is evident, and you feel a surge of belief coursing through your veins. At that moment, there is no need for further questions or doubts. Their shared conviction and the earnestness in their eyes have already solidified your trust.

A heavy silence blankets the room, its weight suffocating your attempts to vocalise the question that weighs heavily on your heart. Despite the thoughts swirling within your mind, the words seem to escape you, slipping through your fingers like whispers carried away by the wind. You search for the right combination of words to give voice to your deepest inquiries, but they remain just out of reach, shrouded in the shadows of your thoughts. The intensity of your desire to ask the question on the tip of tongue is palpable, yet the silence persists. Gathering all of the courage in your body, you ask the very question that has been bugging your mind for years now.

“Why did you leave?” Your question hangs in the room like a weighty presence, casting a palpable tension that lingers in the air. The collective hearts of the men are gripped by this inquiry, their own emotions entwined with the weight of what was said. You can feel the tears beginning to well in the corners of your eyes, yet you desperately hold them back. Needing to stay strong in this moment that defines your future.

The weight of silence extends on, Hongjoong's thoughtful pause stretching longer than you anticipated. You can sense the inner workings of his mind, the gears turning as he searches for the words that would bear the weight of their sudden disappearance and the pain you've endured alone. Each passing second amplifies the intensity of the moment, heightening your anticipation for his response.

When his voice finally breaks the stillness, his words carry a weight that transcends the physical realm. They hold a depth of emotion that reverberates through the space, a profound sense of responsibility and remorse. The heaviness in his tone resonates with the burden he has carried, the knowledge of the pain you have endured, and the weight of their choice to vanish from your life.

"It was the only way we could protect you," Hongjoong's voice emerges, laden with a mix of sincerity, regret, and a touch of vulnerability. His words, like boulders rolling off his chest, reveal the heavy burden that has rested upon his heart all these years. It is a confession that unveils the depth of their sacrifice, the lengths they went to shield you from an unknown danger.

The impact of his words lands like an earthquake, shaking the foundation of your understanding and leaving you grappling with a multitude of emotions. The mixture of relief and frustration swirl within you, wrestling for dominance. Relief that they had acted out of concern for your well-being, but also frustration at the immense pain and loneliness you endured in their absence.

Hongjoong's admission floats in the air, the gravity of his words resonating in the profound silence that follows. The room is filled with the weight of unspoken emotions, the recognition of their sacrifice, and the bittersweet revelation that their actions were driven by love, even at the cost of their own presence in your life.

Holding back the tears that are threatening to fall, you gather up the words to reply to his statement, “can you please elaborate?” Your voice is soft, yet the harsh emotions are easily detectable by the way your tone shakes and fumbles.

Taking a deep breath, Hongjoong replies once again. “We don’t want to scare you.”

“Please,” you breathe out, your tone exasperated, begging for answers, “please tell me, I’m done with secrets.”

Hongjoong meticulously observes both you and his friends, carefully gauging the situation. He takes a moment to assess your broken state, fully aware that rebuilding your trust is of utmost importance. With a deep breath, he knows he must share the truth with you.

“Dae’s friends, along with people we have never even met before, started threatening us.” Hongjoong pauses as he sees the first tear fall from your eyes, furrowing his eyebrows, he continues, “at first, we didn’t care. We could take care of ourselves, stand up for ourselves. They didn’t like that we did not react to their threats.”

As you nod, the weight of the words settles heavily upon you, causing a pang of pain. Yet, with sheer determination, you push through the discomfort and resolve to keep listening, knowing that facing the truth is crucial for your growth and understanding.

“We tried to keep you unknown to them, but one of them found out about you. They said they were going to hurt you, destroy you, the same way they destroyed us.”

Shock and anguish wash over your face, betraying the emotions swirling within. Tears well up, cascading down your cheeks as your heart tightens with pain. Despite the overwhelming emotions, you find a glimmer of clarity as the truth penetrates your consciousness. Bit by bit, the pieces of the puzzle start falling into place, shedding light on their actions and intentions. The newfound understanding begins to bring a sense of coherence to the tumultuous situation, even if it doesn't immediately ease the pain in your heart.

“They told us to leave, or they would…” Hongjoong's hands tremble as he desperately clings to the edge of the counter, seeking physical support to steady his emotional turmoil. The mere thought of any harm coming to you becomes an unbearable weight on his shoulders, overwhelming him with a sense of protectiveness and concern. His eyes reflect the depth of his emotions, a mix of fear, remorse, and a fierce determination to shield you from any further pain or hardship. “They said they would kill you, or they would tear your life apart. At first we thought we could protect you, but we ended up deciding it would be better if we were not in your life.”

As the truth sinks in and the weight of it all bears down upon you, your world crumbles into fragments, and your heart shatters into pieces once again. The pain is immense, as if it's not the first time you've experienced heartbreak, but a recurring nightmare that persists relentlessly. The hurt runs deep, touching upon old wounds and scars, amplifying the anguish you feel in this moment. It's an emotional vortex that engulfs you entirely, leaving you feeling vulnerable and utterly devastated.

Tears fall freely from your eyes as you let the information sink in. Even though the ordeal transpired years ago, the fear of the possible situation scratches at your heart and breaks you down. Both San and Yeosang long to pull you into their arms upon seeing you slowly break down again, wishing to cradle you in their embrace, yet they remain still.

“What?” You manage to get out, your voice trembling.

“They can’t hurt you now. Never again.” Seonghwa is quick with his words, desperate to reach out and offer comfort.

The room falls into an uneasy and heavy silence, as the tension and disbelief hang thick in the air. The boys, overwhelmed with remorse and regret, yearn for you to break the silence, to hear your thoughts and feelings, and to find some solace in knowing how to proceed from this point onward. They long to hear your voice, hoping that your words can help ease their troubled minds, even if just a little. Each of them carries a mix of emotions, their faces reflecting a mixture of anxiety, hope, and the desire to make amends for the pain they have caused. With a trembling voice, you finally muster the courage to break the heavy silence.

“Why couldn't you tell me that? You guys just disappeared when I needed you.” Your confession pours forth, baring the raw emotions that have been bottled up inside.

The boys’ hearts break as they come to terms with the hurt they have caused you. The weight of their actions, coupled with the impact on your trust and emotions, is now laid bare before them. Remorse and regret fill their hearts, and the realisation of the consequences of their choice’s dawns upon them.

In this poignant moment, your question lingers, hanging in the air, and it echoes in their minds. The burden of seeking redemption and finding a way to mend what has been broken now rests heavily upon their shoulders.

Yunho's heart threatens to shatter under the weight of emotions, a surge of rage unexpectedly rises within him, overpowering the pain he's experiencing. The intensity of his anger eclipses the ache, becoming a fierce and agitated storm within. His emotions collide, leaving him torn between heartbreak and fury, struggling to make sense of the conflicting feelings that now consume him.

“We needed you too. You disappeared for a whole week after that happened then suddenly appeared to play hero with Seonghwa then left again? Where were you ____?” Yunho’s voice rising, his emotions getting the better of him.

“Didn't you guys ever think to ask?” You question the tall man sitting diagonal to you, your voice starting to match his volume.

“We couldn't find you, of course we didn’t ask. What do you even mean by that?”

“Didn't you think to ask why I was on that rooftop? Why didn’t I see you for weeks?”

“What is it then? What is so difficult for you that you ignored us when we needed you so badly?”

“Yunho.” You bellow, your voice bouncing off the walls and silencing the accusatory man in front of you. “Have you a single bone of remorse in your body?”

As he goes to retort, you cut him off, not knowing if you can stand another word of his accusations.

“If you want to know so fucking badly.” You draw in a deep, shaky breath, trying to steady yourself in the midst of the overwhelming emotions. Your hands instinctively find their place on the counter in front of you, seeking a physical anchor to regain some sense of balance. “After it all started. I didn't disappear because I believed those horrendous rumours, I saw you guys as my best friends. For fucks sake, I knew you, I know you. Do you think I would ever believe that in a million years?”

They breathe out in relief. It appears as if you never believed the rumours, causing what feels like years of torment to be lifted off their chests. Yet something seems to still be resting on your chest, so they continue listening. Yunho feels his heart lighten up, yet being caught in the rage of the moment, he seems to not be able to bite back his tongue.

“What is it then huh? What's your amazing reason?”

Your heart shatters into countless pieces as you come to the painful realisation that the only way for Yunho and the others to believe you is to share the truth, just as they have bravely done. The weight of this understanding presses upon you, knowing that they deserve an explanation for the hurt and confusion they have endured.

“My brother died a few weeks before I met Seonghwa.”

Yunho’s eyebrows furrow, the recognition of your confession from a while ago resurfacing his memory. When he doesn’t speak, you continue, “my father couldn’t bear with losing his precious son, that he resulted in alcohol and using me as a punching bag to get rid of his anger.”

As each of the males listens to your words, their breath catches in their throats, the gravity of the situation hitting them hard. The profound urge to shield and safeguard you intensifies, almost suffocating in its intensity, as they can't bear the mere thought of you being hurt.

Among them, Jongho, with a gentle and caring voice, softly calls out your name, trying to anchor you in the present moment. He sees your emotions threatening to overwhelm your mind, and he wants to be there for you, to provide a sense of support and comfort in this tumultuous time. His concern shines through his eyes, as he reaches out emotionally, hoping to be a stabilising presence amidst the tempest of feelings swirling around you.

“Then I met you guys, and everything started to seem alright. I finally had people to rely on, to love.”

The men surrounding you feel their hearts soften as you make your heartfelt admission. Your vulnerability and sincerity touch something deep within them, evoking a genuine sense of empathy and understanding. Their cheeks flush with warmth, a mix of emotions swirling within them, as they take in your tender words.

“When the rumour first started, when Seonghwa and I ran home from school that one day,”

Seonghwa feels his heart warm up remembering the tender hug you shared in front of the warehouse that day, yet he feels it becoming colder as he realises there is more to your story.

“When I got home, I found my dead mother . Pretty damn important if you ask me. Try watching the only person who actually cared about you slip away before your own eyes.”

The tension in the room escalates upon hearing your reason. The answers circulating in their heads slowly getting answered.

“My own father couldn't last a day without tormenting me because he was convinced, I was the reason of my brother’s death when the only thing my brother was doing was protecting me for fucks sake.”

Despite witnessing your friends' emotions shift into overwhelming guilt, your determination remains resolute. Even as your heart continues to shatter into pieces, you recognize the importance of them knowing the truth. You understand that the path to healing and reconciliation requires the painful truth to be laid bare, no matter how difficult it may be for both you and them.

“He didn't turn up to my mother's funeral and I had to bury her by myself. Those weeks I prayed that someone would come and find me, but nobody did. I understand that you had your own problems, but did you really care that little about me as to not even think where I was?”

“____, that's unfair.” Yunho manages to say, his throat tightening as he regrets the rage that he suddenly laid on you.

“I went up to that damn rooftop because I was going to do it.” You almost yell, “I was going to kill myself because I couldn’t live like that anymore. I wanted to finally feel like I had one choice with how my life pans out.”

When the truth slowly dawns upon them, the hearts of the men collectively break, realising the reasons behind your actions and the extreme pain you must have endured. The focus on protecting you from outside threats now shifts to the realisation that they should have been protecting you from yourself. The weight of their guilt becomes almost suffocating as they comprehend that their actions, or lack thereof, played a role in the events that unfolded.

Seonghwa's heart, in particular, feels like it's being crushed under his own emotions. The fog of the extreme day he experienced clears, and he can now see the significance of the signs he missed and the opportunity he could have taken to intervene. The regret and remorse threaten to overwhelm him, and he struggles to find the words to express the pain he feels for not being there when you needed him the most.

“Every day I am carrying the grief of three people, and it is constantly tearing me apart. I know you have your struggles but don’t forget you are not the only people in the world carrying heavy shit on your back, Yunho." As your words spill forth, your grip tightens on the counter, seeking balance and control. Avoiding direct eye contact, you release the pain and frustration that has been pent up within you.

When you finally gather the strength to meet the gaze of the men around you, the sight of their broken eyes and hearts pierces through your own emotional turmoil. In that crucial moment, a realisation washes over you like a tidal wave. Their intentions were not born out of spite but rather a result of profound misunderstanding. Their guilt and remorse become palpable, and you sense the genuine remorse they carry for their misjudgements.

"I'm sorry for leaving you guys." you speak out, feeling as if it was something your entire being needed to say, to release the wires that have been wrapped around your heart for years.

"____," Mingi calls out, the weight of your words heavy on his heart. Anxiety threatening to swallow him whole.

“We are sorry too. Sincerely.” Hongjoong says, the weight on his heart feeling as if it is slowly being lifted and you can tell Hongjoong speaks for all of the men around you.

The room remains quiet for a while, Yeosang reaching his arm up to rest a comforting hand on your shoulder, he caresses your arm gently with his thumb, hoping it will give you some form of support. Tears are being split from each man, the fact that you would ever cause harm to yourself makes their entire world spin and crash around them, the mere thought of losing you breaking their souls in two.

"I have another question." you speak out, breaking the silence, you are still curious about one more thing. 

“Of course.” Seonghwa replies, his own heart also becoming lighter upon hearing your apology.

"Why did you pretend like you didn't know me, for years?" you ask, needing to know why they introduced themselves into your life so late, when you have been in the same school for almost three years.

"We didn't know it was you either." Seonghwa says, his voice soft yet comforting. meaning behind his words, “not until recently.”

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, you do live under a rock ____." Wooyoung exclaims, a joking tone behind his voice lifting the tension of the room ever so slightly.

The tension in the room begins to ease as the men around you witness your response to the joking statement. They are relieved to see that you take it in stride, and a subtle, knowing smile starts to play at the corners of your lips. The shared moment of light-heartedness provides a much-needed reprieve from the emotional intensity that had filled the air just moments before.

"It was fine the first year, we ignored everyone because we didn’t really want to make friends, people paid attention to us because we are somewhat good looking," Hongjoong says, and you can barely believe he called them 'somewhat' good-looking, "someone must have recognised us or started another rumour, that made us look like the bad boys, I guess. We could only play into the narrative."

"We know how to defend ourselves, there is no such thing as bullying in college, so we just carried on as we were." Yeosang adds on, “we were so focused on ourselves and school that we never noticed that you were right in front of us.”

"Then how did you find out it was me?"

“We had a feeling you wanted to come to this college.” Jongho explains, “you told us in high school this was your first choice.”

“You remember that?” You question, confused as to how they would remember such a small detail.

“One of the reasons we came to this college was in hopes of finding you.” Mingi adds, the tender expression of his face leaving your heart racing.

"Just when we thought you weren’t here, you appeared at the cafe where I work." Wooyoung explains, feeling it was his time to contribute, "I didn't recognise you at first, you have physically changed a lot." You furrow your eyebrows at the confession. That makes sense why he was still foreign to you when you were a frequent visitor those few months ago. Distantly recalling how Wooyoung seemed uninterested and never once spared a look in the eyes does explain as to why he would not recognise you.

"Then you appeared at The Treasure." Mingi speaks up, the anxious feeling slowly fading in his chest as he surveys the way you are positively taking information. “That’s when we knew it was you.”

You vaguely recall the name belonging to the brand-new bar near campus that you and Jisung frequently visited after its opening. You nod in recognition before Mingi continues speaking.

"That's our bar." He explains, and the statement makes your curiosity peak sky high.

"What do you mean?" 

"We opened the bar ourselves. with the help of Hongjoong's mother of course. It helps us make money for rent and tuition.” Jongho explains.

You find yourself utterly gobsmacked by the revelation that the young individuals have managed to run a successful small business. The sheer accomplishment of their entrepreneurial attempt impresses you greatly. Their determination and hard work shine through, leaving you in awe of what they have achieved at such a young age.

As the pieces of the puzzle fall into place, you begin to understand why there were nights when one or two of them would leave late and return in the early hours of the morning. It suddenly becomes clear that they were dedicating themselves to their business, putting in long hours and hard work to make it thrive.

The fact that they never shared this with you before now surprises you, but it also fills you with admiration for their humility and modesty. Despite their success, they remained humble and focused on maintaining their friendships and connections, not letting their achievements define them.

"So, you saw me there? If I have changed so much, how did you know it was me?" 

"I was the one who made your drinks for you and Jisung the first time you went." Mingi explains his job working as a bartender every so often. "I wasn't sure of it at first, yet I heard you laugh. I can recognise your laugh from anywhere.”

The sudden confession reaches your ears making your heart leap within your chest, causing it to race uncontrollably. The unexpected revelation catches you off guard, and you feel a rush of emotions coursing through you. Your cheeks flush, and the heat rises to your face, betraying the intensity of your feelings.

"We didn't know how to proceed though. We knew it was a risk to involve you back with us, given our reputation. but we just needed you back, in any way possible." Jongho speaks this time, his voice is hoarse, so much he has to clear his throat.

"In the creepiest way possible, we tried to find out some stuff about you." Yeosang explains. When you nod at them to continue, not worrying too much about them researching you.

“When we found out you were doing tutoring sessions, we decided to attend one to see if it was truly you.” San explains from by your side, his voice steady.

“Not all of us agreed to it at first,” Wooyoung adds, and you can feel him heavily indicating towards Yunho standing near him.

With a nod of understanding, you acknowledge his words.

“You didn’t actually need the sessions, did you?” you ask, being curious since the tutoring about how smart Jongho and San were. It didn’t make sense to you that they needed help with their studies.

“Not exactly,” San replies, and you can't help but feel a mixture of curiosity and amusement. His small smile and the playful tone in his voice create a lightness in the air, and a chuckle escapes your throat, relieving some of the tension that had built up.

“We don’t even take calculus.” Jongho says, almost laughing at his own confession.

The atmosphere around you begins to shift, transforming from the intensity of earlier moments to a more relaxed and enjoyable one. There's a sense of camaraderie in this shared moment of humour, a connection that goes beyond the weight of emotions that had been present before.

“I still don’t understand how I didn’t recognise you guys.”

"It could be the trauma." Yunho finally speaks after being silent for a while, the others look at him hoping he has a valid point to his argument. "Trauma has weird ways of messing with your mind. You went through months of psychological and emotional trauma back then, and they both have a possibility of resulting in memory loss. Your brain may have suppressed the memories as a protective mechanism to stop you from feeling the painful emotions associated with the traumatic events. Along with the belief of us being dead, your mind may have temporarily erased us from your memories in order to protect your well-being. When you saw Danny at the store it may have kick-started your memories." 

As Yunho provides the detailed explanation, you can't help but give him an awfully confused look. The level of knowledge and understanding he displays surprises you, leaving you curious about how he has acquired such specific information on such a subject.

He chuckles slightly before lifting his hand, "Psychology major." 

As you nod in understanding, you acknowledge that there are still gaps in your knowledge about the boys' lives, particularly when it comes to their academic pursuits. This realisation prompts you to feel a sense of curiosity and eagerness to learn more about their individual journeys and areas of interest.

Taking a deep breath, you gather your courage to address the question that has been bothering you since that day in the kitchen. You're aware that asking this question might reveal that you accidentally overheard their conversation, but you believe that open communication is essential for a strong and honest friendship.

With a hint of nervousness, you decide that it's best to be upfront and candid. You express your desire to clear the air and ask about the conversation you unintentionally walked in on last week. You assure them that you didn't mean to intrude, but you want to understand the context of what you heard to avoid any misunderstandings.

In this moment of vulnerability, you hope that they will appreciate your honesty and understand that your intentions were never to invade their privacy.

“Last week, before we went to the furniture store,” you pause, remembering the events that transpired that day.

Hongjoong notices the turmoil in your eyes and softly calls your name, grounding you in the moment. Encouraged by his support, you find the strength to ask the question that has been bothering you. His presence helps ease the tension, allowing you to speak openly and seek the answers you need.

“I didn’t intend to eavesdrop that morning, but on my way to the kitchen I heard you say you were offering me some sort of a proposition.”

Observing the reactions of the men around you, you can sense the weight of your question settling heavily upon them. Their breaths seem to catch, and their eyes widen with a mix of understanding and bewilderment. It becomes evident that the proposition you asked about holds more significance than you initially anticipated, catching them off guard and leaving them unsure of how to respond.

In the brief moment of silence, you notice the unspoken communication among them as they exchange glances. Even Hongjoong, known for his rock-solid composure, seems to falter, revealing the gravity of your question and the complexity of the emotions it has stirred within them.

It becomes clear that this is a topic that requires careful consideration and thought. They may not have expected such a direct inquiry, and it's apparent that they need time to process their feelings and find the right words to respond. As the weight of the situation lingers in the air, you remain patient, knowing that genuine and honest responses take time to formulate.

You watch as the attention gravitates again to Hongjoong, the seven other men silently begging him to give an explanation that doesn’t tear you away from them.

“That’s not really for now,” Hongjoong manages to say after clearing his throat.

"I don't want to pry or make anyone uncomfortable, but I'm quite curious about it. It seemed significant; I'd be grateful to know what it's about. To put my mind at ease.”

Hongjoong looks at his seven friends, briefly locking eyes with each of them, receiving a nod of acknowledgement and permission in return. However, when his gaze meets Yunho's, it lingers a moment longer, yet when accompanied by a reassuring smile he finally turns back to you, and to your relief, he continues with his explanation.

“We don’t want to lose you again.” He begins.

Upon the confession, your heart begins to race, and you find yourself engulfed in a flood of emotions. Love and attraction surge through you like a tidal wave, overwhelming your senses. It's a powerful and unexpected rush, leaving you momentarily breathless as you process the depth of your feelings.

Hongjoong continues speaking, “We have thought of many ways to keep you in our life, yet only two seemed reasonable.”

“What would those be?” You question, curiosity filling your entire being.

“We already did one of them,” Wooyoung says this time, “asking you to move in with us.”

Nodding, you process the information slowly in your mind before speaking, “and the other?”

“If you…” Hongjoong stumbles on his words, his voice shaky “we don’t want to lose you again.”

“Hongjoong.” Your voice is tender, trying to reach him and calm down the nerves he is suddenly feeling. “it’s okay.”

“If we asked you to be, like, with us. What would you say?” Seonghwa takes over for his friend. You hear breaths catch in the boy’s throats, a deep exhale from someone else upon hearing the words.

The sudden question hangs in the air and confusion swirls within you, accompanied by a storm of intrusive thoughts. You find yourself grappling with the idea that their feelings may extend beyond friendship, but your mind is quick to dismiss such a notion. You believe that they couldn't possibly mean it that way, that they must only see you as a friend.

The uncertainty weighs heavily on your heart, causing doubt and self-doubt to creep in. You begin to question your worth and wonder why anyone would see you in a romantic light. The belief that they couldn't feel the same way as you do takes hold, overshadowing any possibility of reciprocated feelings.

As the internal battle rages, you might feel a mix of emotions – confusion, fear, and a desire to protect yourself from potential disappointment. The idea of them seeing you as more than a friend feels like a dream, one that seems too far-fetched to be true.

“I am with you now. What do you mean?” You manage to say, pushing aside the ridiculous thoughts of being with just one of them.

Hongjoong takes in a deep breath before gaining his composure, he speaks with a strong voice, finding confidence in his words, “With us. You be ours; we be yours. We all belong to each other.”

With furrowed eyebrows, uncertainty clouds your mind as you contemplate his insinuations, questioning whether they align with the dreams you've harboured. The notion of any one of your friends reciprocating your feelings seems unlikely, let alone all of them. A rapid heartbeat betrays your inner turmoil, anxiety welling up within you. You fear this might be a cruel jest aimed at exploiting your emotions, and it leaves you vulnerable and on edge. Glancing around, you see the kind and tender gazes of the men around you, softening the edge to your sudden nerves.

“I don’t understand.”

“We understand it may sound strange, but we have talked about this a lot recently, four years ago too.” Seonghwa speaks, his voice its usual softness, “we have loved you, for years ___, all of us, we love each other, and now you are back in our lives we can’t bear to lose you again.”

The words of confession gently caress your ears, and a storm of emotions surge through you, causing your heart to beat impossibly fast. It's a whirlwind of feelings, as if your world is both crashing down and miraculously mending at the same time. The vulnerability in his voice makes the moment all the more precious, and you can't help but feel deeply moved.

The revelation that they reciprocate your feelings brings an overwhelming sense of euphoria, unlike anything you've ever experienced before. It's a blissful realisation that the men you admire so much, men so remarkably handsome, compassionate, and kind, could hold such deep affection for you. In this moment, you find yourself floating in a surreal dream, where the boundaries between reality and fantasy blur.

A rush of gratitude washes over you, grateful for the connection you share you’re your friends. Their presence in your life has always been a source of joy, but now it takes on a whole new level of significance. The bonds between you feel strengthened, as if destiny had woven its threads to bring you all together.

Yet, amid the euphoria, a tinge of disbelief lingers. You never imagined that the object of your admiration would harbour the same feelings for you. Doubt whispers at the edges of your mind, questioning if this could all be too good to be true. But as you glance into their eyes, sincerity and warmth reflected back at you, those doubts begin to fade like distant echoes.

“This isn’t a joke, right?”

Each of the men furrow their eyebrows, not believing you would ask such a thing.

“We would never joke about something like this, ___.” Wooyoung says, managing to finally find the words to contribute to the situation.

“You like, love me? You question, not being able to understand or grasp the circumstances unfolding in front of you, there’s no way that they would like you, right?

As each man nods once again, you can see the mixture of determination and fear in their eyes. They are desperate to convince you of the sincerity of their feelings, but at the same time, they are terrified of the possible rejection they might face from you. Their hearts are pounding with anxiety, unsure of what words you might say in response to their confessions.

In this moment, you realise the vulnerable position they have placed themselves in and the courage it took for them to open up to you. You understand the significance of your response and the potential impact it could have on your relationships with each of them.

“I’m sorry but, Yunho, I thought you hated me?” You point your question at the tall male who is now bright red in the face.

“I never hated you." he begins, looking down at his hands, "I was scared of letting you in again. All these years I thought the reason you left was because you believed the rumours.” He explains, embarrassed at himself for thinking in such a way when now it is evident there was another reason. He continues, “we can talk about it, us two, when you are ready. I deserve you a proper apology.” 

Yunho’s words hit you hard, along with the dejected expression on his face,  it makes it somewhat feel like he has already apologised. 

As you take in the emotions swirling around the room, you feel a sense of responsibility to handle this situation with care and honesty. The trust they have placed in you deserves to be honoured, regardless of the outcome.

“Would it not feel weird for you guys to have the same partner?”

“Yeosang and I have kind of done it before.” Yunho speaks once again, turning your attention to him, you see the pained expression lining his features, “it didn’t work out… but we want to try with you.”

Around you, you can feel the boy's expression lift, as if Yunho has given some sort of hidden permission. They are ecstatic that Yunho wants to try, after denying it so many times over the years. The fact Yeosang and Yunho were broken after the previous attempt, and they are still willing to try again with you leaves a profound impact on your heart. It's evident that their emotions run deep, and their commitment to giving it another shot speaks volumes about their feelings for you.

As you observe their vulnerability and dedication, you begin to entertain the possibility that they might genuinely love you. Their actions show that they are willing to invest in the relationship despite the challenges and uncertainties that may arise.

“There is no one we trust more than each other, and you.” Mingi adds, meaning to make you believe their true feelings.

“Can I think about it, please? It is quite a big decision.” You manage to say, desperately attempting to calm the raging thoughts racing through your mind.

Around you, you can sense an unmistakable trace of disappointment emanating from those around you. However, despite their apparent dismay, they make a concerted effort to conceal their emotions, evidently not wanting to burden you with any negative feelings. It doesn’t mean you have said no, yet they recognise that the answer may take a while to surface, leaving them on edge.

“Of course, take all the time you need.” Hongjoong says, smiling warmly at you, lifting the sudden tension, “dinner is at seven, please join us?”

Smiling back, you feel your heart lively, “I won’t miss it.”

⇢ taglist: @lilactangerine @plutoneu @abby-grace @sunkissed725 @lixiel0ver @acciocriativity @hyukssunflower @sunukissed @khjcoo @stopeatread @meginthebuilding27 @mychickentendou @sunnyhokyu @rxnexxi @croa-yevon @arabelleum @randomness7198 @dysftopia @lucymultistan @sookacc @starillusion13 @daceydeath @theamazinggrace-000 @smilingtokki @hasgalore @pytssamworld @just-a-really-bored-kpop-fan @satsuri3su

@theonesoldtoonedirection @wooya1224 @deadpoetsandhoney @skztrophy @kunhengie @tinyelfperson @l0vetiny @simplyalfie @doggopepper @seungily @dino-teezerr @silentcry329 @formulateez @senpai-of-doom @aaaaajonghooooo @ijwsbdinp ​@liniiiaa @channiespup @heyitstacy @eightmakesonebraincell @araknoid @itsmeregan @rynmlk @kazuhateez @galaxypox @chermonroe @babyhailey819 @euphoricdeni @wooya1224 @matzbear @h-nji @tunaasan @send-me-places @llynx7 @solstramaii @mlink64 @purple-bell @punkhazardlaw @meljoongiee @solstramaii @vixensss @notevenheretbh1 @imsodazed @sunasbitch2-0 @tigerliliexists

if you asked to be tagged and don't see your name, it's because you can't be tagged.

[calcitedraws]

Since Fen really wants kids, how do you think they'd cope with a darling who absolutely does NOT want children? Would they accept that or do you think they would try to push their darling to eventually give in and have kids with them?

I think it'd take a good long talk for Fen to accept it. They don't want to 'pressure you into a life you don't want' (ironic, huh?) by forcing you to have kids. However, Fen won't quite 'get' some reasons. Personally I don't want kids due to a variety of factors (breaking the generational curse lets goooo)

TW for sabatouging birth control plus normal yandere nonsense. Tagging as SA because that's SA. Let me know if I have to add other tw tags!

You don't want kids because you're worried about being a bad parent? Fen is immediately telling you that you couldn't possibly do that! You both will love your kids and together you'll do a great job! Basically they'll talk you down from that idea (even if you're insistent on it)

You don't want kids because you're worried about financial stability and the state of the world? Nonsense, Fens job has a cushy salary and they don't mind driving your children down to the nearest public school (around an hour away). Sorry, you're a stay at home parent! And they'll make sure their kids can finance their way through college so that they'll be financial stable too!

Fen sees an intense fear of pregnancy as something to be worked through, not a roadblock. It's not that your fear isn't taken seriously, but... They view it as something to lead you out of. If you're worried about your own pregnancy, they'll try to ease your worries by explaining where the hospitals are and their quality of care, assuring you they'd never expect you to go through an at home birth.

If you couldn't be convinced, despite their best efforts... Then yeah they'll sabatouge you. Canonically Fen stopped your birth control when you arrived (responsibly, of course) so that won't be an issue. If it's an internal thing, Fen will either remove it themself (they have your medical files) or pay someone else to do it if it's too risky to DIY (loaded sentence but I promise it'll get addressed in the VN). They'll poke holes in condoms, refuse to use condoms, focus on having sex on high fertility days, etc.

But there's a catch: Fen never pressures you to have sex. They'll tease a bit and try to seduce you, but they won't whine or manipulate or threaten their way into it. Fens concept of consent is solid, at least sexually. But they're willing to wade around in that gross gray area and do stuff without your knowledge (Poking holes in condoms IS assault)

And they'll act as surprised as you genuinely are when the pregnancy test comes back positive.

However there are reasons that Fen understands completely.

Such as it being a medical problem. If it's unsafe, Fen doesn't even want to risk it. You're too precious to them to do anything risky, especially since pregnancies have so many variables.

There's also just firmly not wanting kids. If you can get it into Fens head that you just have zero desire for kids, they'll back off. They'll bring it up every so often (like two years) but they don't require kids to be happy.

However, you will need to prevent them from bringing home new cats.

[tacoteddy22]

Love Drug

Chapter 2 - Quid Pro Quo

Pairing: Sylus x fem!OC

Featuring: a random intern

Words: 2007

Summary: Valerie repairs Sylus's wound and they banter a bit before showing off their evol powers. He does some very light internet searching on her.

A/N: Updating weekly on Saturday!

C/W: medical talk, some talk of blood and wounds, very minor - I am not a doctor.

Valerie set up the suture kit and numbed Sylus's arm. She began cleaning the wound out, pulling out little pieces of dirt and debris. Sylus sat stone still again and she peeked up over her glasses and saw his eyes were closed.

"You doing alright? This shouldn't take long. Like I said, the wound isn't terribly deep, but it needed to be cleaned out before the infection got too bad."

"Hmm." That was the only response she got.

"So, you said you are the twins' employer? What do you all do for work?" Val tried again to make conversation, but again was met with silence. The beeping monitors was the only sound in the room for a while she worked. She always appreciated how doing sutures slowed her down. The ER was always chaotic and there was always something happening, but some procedures allowed her to reset her mind.

"How did you know what was in the Association report about the Wanderers?" Sylus finally broke the silence.

Valerie looked at him curiously, "Ahh, so now you want me to answer a question. How about you answer mine first and then I will answer yours?"

The corner of his mouth twitched up. "Quid pro quo. Alright. We are in the business management line of work." He was intrigued by this doctor. Her command of the room and her seeming lack of fear for him was refreshing. He was used to more simpering and cowering from people he met and he enjoyed that she had done neither.

She snorted out a laugh, "Sure, and exactly what part of 'business management' means you fist fight Wanderers? You own a boxing club or something?"

"Among several other businesses – a hotel, a fruit stand, a karaoke bar. I've now answered two of your questions, doctor. I reserve my second question for after you answer my first," he drawled out slowly as he listed off his business endeavors.

She smirked at him revealing a deep dimple in her cheek, "A true entrepreneur I see. Well, I got the report directly from the Hunter's Association. I'm part of the medical team that joins the Association on certain missions so I have clearance for some of their reports and other data." Valerie continued to stitch up his arm with expert precision. Sylus noted her dimple and the way her right eyebrow furrowed as she concentrated.

Just then someone came bursting into the room out of breath and pulled the curtain back loudly. He was dressed in oversized scrubs and looked to be barely out of his teen years.

"Oh, Doctor Tatsu, I didn't think you'd be in here doing… doing sutures? Why are you doing this? Do you need me to take over for you?"

Valerie couldn't remember the young intern's name. He was a first year and there were so many that rotated through it would drive her crazy to try and remember them all. This one had solid clinical skills, but his bedside manner needed some work. It was odd she was doing this as a senior resident so she couldn't fault his surprise

"No, I am almost done here, everyone else was busy. What are you doing in here? And please slow down before you come into a patient room." She stopped repairing Sylus's arm and looked at the intern intensely waiting for an answer.

"Um, the OR is ready so I was here to transport the patient," the intern stammered.

"They both need to be brought up. One is injured, but they have a mental link so they both need to be put under. Go grab another intern, both of you read the chart twice, and bring them up together." Valerie waved him off and the intern bolted from the room.

"Sorry about that. These interns are literal children sometimes…where were we? I believe you had a second question you had for me," Valerie stated as she moved her arm as if she were closing the curtain again, but the curtain followed along with her and movement.

Sylus had been taken aback by her work with the Hunter's Association and he was actually grateful for the interruption. It was not an organization he cared to remember even existed - and not just because he was number one on their most wanted list. His mouth had gone dry and his body fought the urge to get up and leave, but that all disappeared as he watched her close the curtain from across the room.

"My my, isn't that interesting. Telekinesis evol?" He relaxed in the chair a little bit and leaned in as his interest and intrigue continued to soar.

"Is that your second question?" She peeked up at him over her eye shield and caught his crimson gaze. He nodded slowly back at her. She set her instruments down hovered her hand above the instruments, Valerie guided them to the correct positioning for the next suture and made them spin around before she grabbed them again and finished the repair manually.

"Not telekinesis, air manipulation. Basically I control the air around things to make them move around, but I can't control the object itself."

"I bet that comes in handy at times," Sylus mused and nodded his head thoughtfully.

Valerie got quiet for a moment before responding softly, "It's been a real life-saver."

Sylus didn't miss the shift in her tone or the words she used and he thought it might be best to shift the attention away from her evol. "I did say quid pro quo so I'll show you what mine can do."

He moved his free hand to hover over his injury and sent black-red mist down to heal the gash Val had been sewing up. She watched as the wound seemed to glow red and repair itself before the mist sputtered out.

"What?! You made me do this whole thing when you could have healed yourself?" Valerie looked up at him with her mouth agape and an annoyed look on her face. He chuckled softly and shook his head.

"You seem more surprised I didn't heal myself more than the fact that I can."

"Well, yeah!" She practically yelled at him, but immediately softened and tilted her head to the side.

"Wait, why didn’t you heal yourself? Your levels get too low?" She looked down and began to study his wound and arm again. "I'm guessing this is an energy evol, which is why it looked like the blood was glowing a little…" She was speaking softly and Sylus was sure she was not talking to him, but he responded anyways.

"Aren't you a clever little kitten? Yes, its part of my evol. Most people wouldn't know that." Sylus stared at her trying to will her to look at him again. She was far more than a simple ER doctor and he needed to know more. "How do you know that?"

She could feel his gaze on her and focused on his arm before her and finishing the repair - each stitch carefully placed to make sure to not leave a scar behind.

"Part of my Association training, but I also took extra courses in med school to learn about each type of Evol. It helps to know what to expect when patients come in with the potential to set the room on fire or I dunno... can heal themselves." That earned her a small laugh and the deep timbre of his voice reverberated through her.

She finished the sutures and cleaned up the area applying the final bandages. "Normally, I tell people to keep them in for two weeks and come back to have them removed, but given your healing factors, you likely will only need them a day or two to make sure the sub layers of skin heal properly. Come back and anyone here can take them out for you." She removed her gloves and cleaned up the used instruments moving with ease. She floated around the room checking monitors and ensuring everything was ready for the twins to be brought up to the operating room. Sylus never took his eyes off her and Val did not seem to notice him tracking her every movement.

"Thank you for this. I would have been fine eventually, but I appreciate the care given," Sylus spoke softly behind Val. His deep voice barely registered above the monitors and other equipment in the room. It took Val by surprise and she turned around to face him and acknowledge his thanks properly. Her breath caught in her throat at the sincerity in his eyes and she let herself drown in the blood red pools for a moment too long.

She shook her head, clearing her vision. "It’s nothing. It's my job, but thank you for saying that. Let me go check on that OR for you," she turned to leave but stopped and turned back to him. "It was nice to meet you, Sylus."

About ten minutes later several people came into the room and took the twins away to the surgical suite in a whirlwind. Doctors spoke to him about what the surgery entailed and what to expect after, but Sylus only heard half of what they said to him. He was distracted waiting for Valerie to come back in, but she never did. Sylus was led to the surgical waiting room, but he quickly left to go to the car another one of his men had recently brought to the hospital. He pulled out his phone and ran a quick search on this fascinating doctor.

Valerie Tatsu, 33 years old

Parents: No listed father, mother is Dianna Tatsu, only child

Medical school at Skyhaven University

Won a large grant for research in biotechnical protocore modification , but rejected the funding when it was revealed the grant funds were provided by Ever Group.

Elemental Class Evol - Air - S level

Those last two pieces of information caught Sylus. The powerful evol mixed with a clear disdain for Ever made for an interesting cocktail. What other secrets did she have to reveal?

He scrolled through her social media and saw her with her co-workers at the staff holiday party from last year. She was holding a glass of champagne and had her head tipped back in laughter. The next set of photos was from a trip to the beach with a few friends. She was laughing in those photos too. He kept scrolling - a birthday party, a day at the park, the New Year's festival, a volunteer day at the hospital. She was always smiling, always laughing.

His phone beeped suddenly and he saw a message on the screen with an update that Keiran's surgery was almost done and provided a room number for the recovery wing. He quickly put his laptop away and strode back into the hospital heading towards the recovery room. He took a detour through the ER and managed to steal a glance at Valerie working on another patient. She glanced up at him at the exact right moment and flashed him a wide dimpled grin- the same one he just saw in her pictures.

He felt it first in his chest, right in the middle of his scar. It was warm and it spread through him similarly to the first few sips of a glass of wine. This warmth, this feeling wasn’t foreign to him, but it was something he had locked away the day she had chosen him, The Colonel. That was four years ago and it still haunted him.

That day, half a soul was ripped from him and the remainder of his own soul was returned in its wake. It felt empty, like an endless void of desire and regret, but this warmth began to seep into that void and awaken a part of him he’d buried deeply after the curse had been broken. But it was a part Sylus wouldn’t be able to keep buried for long no matter how much he wanted to.

[mdhwrites]

I’m disappointed by how unpopular Amphibia is on this site- I never even see it trending. I remember when Marcy’s Journal came out, and I was certain that it would trend then, yet it didn’t. Then the official art book for the show came out, and still, nothing (you’d think it featuring explicit sashanne and yulivia art would be a big deal on here, but apparently not). And now the other day, info about the upcoming graphic novel was revealed, and zilch. Meanwhile, The Owl House trends on here literally every other day despite no new content for it being released (outside of Chibiverse shorts, but those don’t seem to be the reason why it trends). It saddens me how Amphibia continues to get completely slept on while The Owl House is still extremely popular despite it not being as good of a show. It’s not fair honestly.

There is SO MUCH that goes into this. I'll actually try to keep this short on the analysis side but before I even do that: A piece of advice. Your media does not need to be the most popular to be special to you. To matter a lot to you. Nothing can take that from you. As someone who has been dealing with their fandom imploding and trying to put a little distance from it for that reason, it's good to have that joy be personal rather than too reliant on fandom. Not trying to say you haven't but it's good to be reminded.

Anyways: Why isn't Amphibia popular on social media?

1: It's non-controversial. There's no lingering elements that people are going to bring up anytime it comes up. TOH comes up and you always, ALWAYS get people talking about the shortening. There just isn't anything like that except people who probably saw the comic announcement and went "UGH! Marcy and Sasha got screwed over for the frogs AGAIN!" -_-

2: It's didn't play to a fandom. It didn't lean into shipping or fan theorizing that could be going on to this day besides Sprivy, which was less leaning into shipping and wanting to just talk about relationships, and the trio. You don't have ongoing shipping wars in part because there isn't a lot of fuel for that sort of thing. There isn't a whole plethora of attractive people that people want to ship Anne with, or unanswered questions about the show besides "Why didn't Domino let them go between the worlds!?"

3: There's no discourse. Like TOH stated a lot of things that were hot on social media. Put its thumb on the scale. Stuff like that. Then people like myself dissected what it had to say and how it said it and TOH's problems have created a community in and of itself on here dedicated to punching each other until the other gives up. This is how you get a new blog called 'DefendingtheOwlHouse' pop up almost two years after the show ended. Meanwhile, I got an ask yesterday about how people didn't ask Anne about Sasha and Marcy also having gone missing at the same time as her because with Amphibia... *shrug* It talked about universal topics like change, community, relationships and what not and did them extremely well and thoroughly so the big thing to say for that is "Go watch the show." This is how you get the unhinged takes that were making me LOSE MY MIND at one point as people kept bringing them to me because you have to go way afield in order to find something to talk about the show, good or bad, that the show doesn't just do already.

There's probably more I could think of if I tried, like the gay elements, but these are some of the bigger ones for what causes something to still drive engagement now versus a solid product that isn't constantly clamoring to be noticed. I also already made this longer than I meant to. ^^;

But again, the important thing is just to hold it close to you and let it be what it is in that way. It's cliche but everyone else's opinion doesn't matter. It's not easy of course, it's something I could do with internalizing more myself, but it's important nonetheless. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[b0tster]

dam i wish i had a SAMSUNG 980 PRO SSD 2TB PCIE NVME GEN 4 GAMING M.2 INTERNAL SOLID STATE DRIVE MEMORY CARD + 2MO ADOBE CC PHTOGRAPHY all i got at home is a SAMSUNG 970 PRO SSD 1TB PCIE NVME GEN 4 GAMING M.2 INTERNAL SOLID SNAKE DRIVE MEMORY CARD + 2MO ADOBE CC PHTOGRAPHY

[serstolas]

We know Neve doesn't want to talk to Rook about anything from the job at first after coming back from Minrathous and the dragon. But what would it look like if she did confront Rook?

Marcus Thorne paused outside Neve's quarters on his evening round, checking on everyone. He wasn't as surprised to see her as some others might have been, because Neve had always refused to leave a job undone, even when they’d been teens.

He still remembered the look of betrayal in her eyes when they reached Minrathous after driving the dragon off in Treviso. Schooling his expression, he knocked lightly on the door before entering.

Neve looked up from her notes, her expression closed when she saw it was him. "Rook," she acknowledged in a clipped tone.

"Neve," he replied. "Just checking in."

He watched her expression go sharp, her eyes hard as she regarded him. "I think you're already aware of the state of things." Something flickered in her eyes. "You left our city to face a blighted dragon, Rook. Why?"

He cause the edge in her voice and sighed internally. Her anger and hurt were understandable. He sighed internally but kept his expression neutral. "No answer I can give you would make you happy, you know that Neve."

He'd been forced to put his personal feelings aside and make the call as a Warden. Ashur's fate and the Venatori power grab were horrific, but if he hadn't gone to Treviso, he'd have sentenced the city to death with the way the Blight would have spread through the canals.

Neve's eyes were icy as she regarded him. "No, I suppose it wouldn't. You were always good at leaving."

"And you never understood the decisions I made," Rook replied tightly. "I believe we've exhausted this conversation. Meet me at the Eluvian after breakfast, we're going to Dock Town."

He didn't give her a chance to respond as he slipped out the door.

Neve stared at the door after Marcus left for a long time, wondering what had happened to the young Tevine mage and solider she'd known so long ago.

[doueverwonder]

Still working on personifying the entire cabinet, so have who I have so far + notes on Gov, DC and IDC

Federal Government (Founded as Continental Congress) 

September 5th, 1774. 

Role: As the federal government among the states and cabinet he holds the same place as the president, unlike the actual president he cannot make decisions simply communicate the ones made. Constantly stressed but in a constantly tired way, he is running off caffeine and nicotine even if he swore he’d stop smoking 30 years ago. Spends the most time out of everyone considering walking off into the woods and never returning, except he unfortunately cares about these assholes. 

District of Columbia

July 14th, 1790. 

Role: This guy is the VP, Chief of Staff, and Press Secretary rolled into one. He lives off black coffee and 3 hours of sleep a night. Constantly ready to throw down with anyone messing up his daily schedule. His only true skills are arguing with journalists, accurately scheduling in time slots for “state tomfuckery”, and giving Gov advice ranging from intelligent well thought out comments to “that’s a dumb as fuck plan”. He gets 1 weekend off and spends it laying face down on his moms (Marylands) couch asking why she gave him life in the first place. Who approved this. Might be fucking Education. There are rumors at least. Everyone in the White House fears him. 

State (IDC)

July 27th, 1789

Role: The country needs an international face and she is surely a face. The blonde personality is actually fantastic when it comes to bargaining, you think you have the upper hand because she’s kinda dumb then next thing you know you’ve signed away exactly what she wanted. The master of going on nice vacations on the government’s dime and only working for twenty minutes the entire week. Is married to a European country but no one knows which one because she refuses to say. 

Treasury

September 2nd, 1789

Role: We all need one person who is actually financially responsible, unfortunately for Treasury no one actually listens to him. Spends 99% of his time staring at the submitted annual budgets and wondering what the fuck they need this for and where they think he is getting this money from. He’s going to shut off States credit card. Even outside of financial stuff has solid life advice 90% of the time, he’s old so it makes sense. The other 10% of the time however his advice consists of fake your death and run away to live as a hermit in the woods, but that’s only when on the verge of another shutdown bc congRESS WON’T APPROVE A FUCKING BUDGET. He’s fine. He’s an adult. He’ll calm down. 

Defense 

August 7th, 1789. 

Role: The real reason Treasury spends so much time staring at the annual budgets. “I love all of the branches equally, Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, Space Force, uhh the other one”, in fairness Coast Guard has never been DOD but it's still funny. Monday through Friday he is the most disciplined person you’ve ever met, up at zero four to get in a frankly insane workout, and make sure he looks sharp before showing up at the office right at nine. Then five o’clock on Friday hits and that all just,,, goes right out the window. How many dui’s did we have this weekend, Sergeant? ultimately treats the branches (sans coast) the same way old women treat their crusty purse dogs. Never actually been in the military and does dress like a wannabe. Gives obnoxiously big pickup truck vibes, but how dare you stereotype him like that (he drives a hummer).

[talenlee]

Meet The OC: Bec Querel

This is an explanatory writeup of one of my Original Characters (OCs). Nothing here is necessarily related to a meaningful fiction you should recognise and is shared because I think my OCs are cool and it’s cool to talk about OCs you make.

Bec Querel lived the life – such as it was – of every child genius. Attaining truly prodigious achievement before adolesence, she burst onto the scene of national significance as a child prodigy and mutant, and just as quickly faded once it was realised that she wasn’t going to do anything of particular noteworthy significance compared to the latest celebrity starlet inclined to lose her underpants in public.

Furthermore, Bec realised that she was in possession of knowledge and understanding that was well beyond her means to communicate. Without a solid social grounding – she had blurred her way through her schooling in pursuit of more knowledge – she had realised she lacked a mature communication base. While in this state, she was approached by Dr Marion Shepherd of Project Corona, and asked to rejoin the project.

Seeing an opportunity to expand her skill base, and to perhaps use her mathematically-refined powers for some good, Bec agreed, and began her two-year journey through high school once more.

Bec Querel is a genius. She’ll tell you as much, but only if you ask. It’s not something she feels the need to volunteer, because that isn’t a thing that Ordinary And Reasonably Standardised experiences involve. An insufferable child genius she has resolved to redo her adolescent education to pursue not an optimal path through to maximised resources and instead stabilising social experiences that result in her not being a potentially Morally Ambiguous Doctorate Scientist (M.a.D).

Bec Querel is a living star, her biology somehow managing to overcome the herculean task of room-temperature fusion. She absorbs solar energy and emits heat, and her body operates like a nuclear furnace. Many of her internal organs are nonfunctional or vestigial, and her digestive tract is almost ornamental [citation needed]. Her body sustains itself through a superefficient permutation of breathing – as long as she has oxygen and carbon atoms to access, she can continue generating energy. Further, her cells emit most of their waste in the form of low-key emittant radiation, which she can focus into concentrated bursts and blasts.

As a hero, as an ally, she is a point of blatant utility. Since her mutation is effectively a nuclear fusion energy battery inside her own body, she is capable of powering some truly ludicrous devices, and uses that energy to drive devices that would otherwise be untenable to use in combat scenarios. It’s all very good to have a flash-vaporiser that can knock people unconscious by dehydrating them for an instant or overloading their optic nerves, but unless you can power that kind of device repeatedly, it’s not going to be useful in most active conflict environments. Bec is the power supply, and everything else she does is filtered through those tools. This even includes the imps that follow her around, three small fire goblins that she keeps contained with an electrically-powered rune portal to give them freedom to hang around her.

Bec’s powers are ultimately limited in their finesse. She wields radiation the same way one might wield a club, and lacking any good visual metaphor for the practice, she instead has to rely on fine-tuned processes and mathematical formulas that need adjustment on the fly. With this in mind, rather than causing irreperable harm, she has to keep her radiation tools somewhat inexact and imprecise – reducing people’s reaction times and making them feel nauseated is often the limits of her radiant prowess. Further to that, her ability to use heat and light to blind and confuse enemies are fairly two-dimensional in their applications, meaning that most enemies who come prepared can best them, usually with heavy optic shielding.

Finally, Bec may be a genius but that doesn’t make her cunning; her ability to outwit enemies often relies on an understanding of what they would or should do, and her lack of social familiarity with most social strata means that she’s not very good at predicting the sensible behaviour of even normal street gangs. All her theories work just fine, for spherical villains in a vacuum.

Mechanics

Bec was a fire control/radiation emission controller.

I don’t have a current build for her and really, if I did have a copy of her build to open it I’d first need to find an earlier version of Mids, open it in that, then export that build to a current version and daisy chain the build to curent Homecoming standards.

If I was building her today, I would deliberately be trying to give her a build that hit the goal of:

Permanent Accelerate Metabolism. This is doable around 130-140% global recharge, with Hasten, and then feeds into it. This would necessitate two ‘auto’ buttons – which I’d get by binding hasten to my ‘back’ button, a trick I’ve been doing on almost all characters these days.

A single-target attack chain of (probably) Char + An Epic Attack + Ring Of Fire, and a ranged aoe fireball effect. Treating these as attacks before controls is a bit risky, but remember that this is a character with a ludicrous amount of recharge; single target holds lasting a long time isn’t that important because she’d be attacking with it every few minutes.

I’d have to choose between using Hot Feet and standing near people to do more area damage and control, versus flying around at range and relying on ranged defense to protect her from mezzes and damage. The former wants Smashing/Lethal defense, the latter wants Ranged defense and resistance armours. This could hinge on how endurance-hungry her build is. If she’s an end hog, turning off Hot Feet and relying instead on resistance armours could play into Cardiac.

If I was building her today, I probably wouldn’t spare any expense. This is an old, beloved character with a very fun playstyle and a beloved characterisation. If I could get her friends back into the game, or even make comparative friends, there would be in my mind, no problem with literally bankrolling everyone to have fancy builds like hers.

Of course, that won’t happen, but it’s still a thing to think about. I still have this character occupying my headspace after all.

History

That is the description I wrote for Bec Querel, sometime before January 2010, and Bec herself was made in 2007. This is at least 15 year old writing. It is, in my opinion, weak, and part of what makes it weak is that it tells you a backstory at the expense of the character you’re going to interact with.

Bec Querel is an autistic supergenius nuclear astroscientist who noticed she was lonely at the age of 15 and decided to re-do highschool as an Optimal Social Experience. She did this because she did all the super-science she needed to do and now she wants friends, and she’s bad at having them. To do this, and not give up on the super science, she took on the task of a High School Hero (which I would, now, probably position at college rather than high school).

I don’t think I even have Bec Querel’s name camped anywhere now. It seemed to me to be one of those free, perfect versions of its name; a character who cared about temperature and radiation, where the unit for measuring those things was itself, also pretty believable as a name? I think it’s clear in my mind that she was a Rebecca, and therefore Bec, and maybe even had some degree of a semi-public identity (when she was publishing academically), that she turned into a private identity by inventing a fake surname for her hero identity. Papers that were published at first pseudonymously because of her age and then declared connected to a superhero identity strike me as a thing for her.

Ultimately, the history of Bec Querel is a tangle because she was one of my important milestones of a character. She was almost my first hero 50; she was easily one of my highest level heroes as I played her in a dedicated team, even if I wasn’t good at it. Bec was my introduction to the Virtue roleplaying server and becoming part of that roleplaying public space. Also, and this is important: Bec is defined in my memory by disappointing other roleplayers by being a butthole.

Also, Bec is a character whose sexuality I had to work out. I’m still not sure where she lands, but for a while there she was genuinely curious as to if she had a sexuality or not.

Oh! And she’s where I first used keybinds to do something impressive (in her case, singing all of ‘O Canada’ one line at a time). I’ve since become very familiar with the keybind system and now I like doing specific things to squeeze function out of the interface.

Conclusion

I miss what Bec was about. I miss the friends I had with her. I wish I’d been better at being a friend and I wish I’d been better at talking with people about what they needed and how they were feeling. I wish I’d been better at talking about what I felt.

Like I dunno, maybe I was specifically, kinda trash at being a good friend because of a hole blown in my high school life.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[jarinnards]

Lucanis X Qunari!Rook drabble

Short(ish) little blurb based on this stupid prompt from last night. It's been?? I think an actual decade since I've written anything and I rushed through this in about 2-3 hours after sipping a little bit of the mead I was gifted, so I know the quality is definitely not gonna be great hhgdssfjjjf 😭 I'm soooo sorry in advance for this purely self indulgent piece 🙏

Pairing: Lucanis X Qunari Rook, nonbinary Rook, implied AFAB, SFW but is slightly suggestive

Characters: Lucanis, Emmrich, Rook

The battle hadn't been long, but it certainly felt like a fortnight in the moment, if only because of how off guard they had been caught. One moment, he could hear Emmrich listing the many aspects of death that had caused this place to become such a hotspot for spirits, (he could feel the truth of Emmrichs ramblings in that familiar, unwelcome itching behind his eye) the next, without barely even a sound - as if to drive the point home - undead sprang from all corners imaginable; the air filled with the scent of decay and regret before they could even see the corpses.

It took only the first heartbeat that deaths stink assaulted his nostrils for his hand to shoot toward his blade, quickly barking to his companions that combat was imminent. They wasted no time. Rook swiftly fell to the back of the formation as Lucanis and Emmrich took their places nearest to the undead. Though he wasn't trained for defensive combat or for taking on the bulk of enemy lines like a warrior, he was currently the most martially adept of the group, and so he assumed the role of protecting the mages from any stragglers.

One by one, the shamblers fell, the sickening crunch of steel meeting already decayed meat and bone filling the Crows ears. He'd heard it numerous times before, but it never seemed to be any less foul. Seconds passed, then minutes, as each of them continued on through the sounds of groans and barks at each movement made, the crackling of raw fade being cast at the uncannily lively dead, and the final wails of their foes signaling yet another was slain.

"Only three left." He had thought to himself, quickly accounting for each way he might approach dealing with his opponents.

It barely took a moment for him to close the distance between them as he lunged towards one in a solid, fluid motion. He took the thing first by its arm, twisting it harshly enough to hear bone crack before he spun the creature to face the opposite direction. He then pressed his foot its spine before kicking it forward into the other undeads oncoming attack. It let out a ghastly moan as the blade went directly through its midsection, the monster now going limp. While the other creature worked to remove the corpse from its weapon, Lucanis took the chance to exploit its current state of weakness to relocate to its blind spot. Before it could even react, the Crow had removed its head from its shoulders, watching with only slight satisfaction as it rolled on the ground.

"Down to the last." He noted internally, glancing left and right as he scanned for the remaining undead.

"Lucanis!" He'd heard Rook shout suddenly, their voice panicked, strained and utterly laced with fear.

"Ah. Behind, then." Without so much as casting a glance, he had turned in a blindingly swift motion with such force that his blade immediately found its mark, cutting through a sinewy throat with a dry, unnatural sound.

It fell to the ground with a rotten thud as Lucanis sheathed his weapon. That was all of them. Truly, it wasn't even close to one of his more dangerous encounters, but he would be the first to admit that he certainly hated most battlefield surprises.

"An impressive display, Lucanis," The older mage chimed in suddenly, his breathing only slightly laboured, "you did well in seeing to mine and Rooks safety. Perhaps we ought to consider a change to that sobriquet of yours, hm?"

Lucanis exhaled deeply through his nostrils - the sound dangerously close to a laugh - as he turned to face Emmrich, the ghost of a grin dancing at the edge of his mouth. Before he could even respond, however, a familiar voice pierced his ears in a frantic, breathless tone.

"Lucanis!"

Recognizing that voice as Rooks, he turned to face them, his brow lifting in confusion at the sudden crying of his name. But no sooner than he had opened his mouth to speak did he feel their arms wrap around him; the sensation of their warm body pressing quickly against his, causing a flush to spread up his neck as one hand cradled his head in place against them while the other gripped almost desperately at his back. It would have been enough to give him pause to be embraced in any situation. He was unused to such contact, and certainly so unexpectedly. However, it was the instant realization that his head had been buried in their chest that caused him the most distress.

"Lucanis, don't scare me like that! Do you know how worried I was when you charged off like that? You could have been hurt!" Rook cried out frenetically, the worry in their voice practically seeping out physically from every word spoken.

Perhaps he might have reassured them, or reprimanded them, or anything at all, if he could will himself to focus on something other than the way their voice seemed to vibrate in their chest and against his face, the feeling very near to pleasant. He cursed himself at the way his mind was becoming less and less capable of proper thought as their skin seemed to sear his own; their soft, tender flesh pressing ever so delightfully to his motionless body.

He felt his throat tighten the more aware he became of just how close they were. He could feel their heart pounding; hear it thrumming madly in their ribs. He could feel the tremors climbing up throughout their entire body in their state of near delirium as they kept him flush against their person, their legs practically locking with his. He could only imagine his heart had started beating exponentially quicker as well, though for reasons quite far removed from the qunari that was holding him in a firm yet gentle grip.

"Honestly! Do you need to be so reckless? I can only heal so much! What would have happened if that thing had been faster?" They very nearly started sobbing as their hold on him tightened.

Lucanis gritted his teeth at the increased contact of their breasts against his face. He knew if Rook was paying even the slightest attention that they would feel the way his skin was burning at their touch; how his ribs felt as if they might burst open under the force of his racing heart beat and the pressure of his caged torso brought flush to theirs. They might even have heard it as much as felt it.

"Now now, dear. You'll suffocate the poor boy. Then he won't need to worry about undead anymore, will he?" Emmrich finally seemed to speak up after what seemed like an eternity.

Rook cast a quick glance towards the elder mage, momentarily caught off guard before suddenly seeming to understand. With a gasp, they released Lucanis with a swift and ginger motion, now using their free hands to cover their mouth in what could be interpreted as concern or embarrassment. Or both.

"Lucanis, I-I'm so sorry! I hadn't meant-"

"I-it's fine." He cut them off abruptly, turning away from them as he rubbed at his increasingly sore neck. He hoped they wouldn't notice the blush that travelled from his neck, to his face, to the very tips of his ears.

They took a small step towards him, the expression they wore looking almost guilty. "Really, I am sorry. I just... I was so worried when you rushed off like that, I really just-"

"It's nothing, let's just keep going." He interrupted again, attempting to keep his face from view. He was ready to be anywhere that wasn't under Rooks doe-eyed gaze... Or scrutiny.

"Rook?" Emmrich chimed in once again, "Perhaps you might make sure our fetid guests are as dead as they appear?" He suggested gently to the obviously shaken qunari before throwing Lucanis a very quick look.

"I..." They seemed to hesitate, their eyes darting from the assassin, to the corpses, then to Emmrich.

The necromancer gave a reassuring smile. "I believe he'll manage just fine, dear."

Another few moments passed in silence before Rook nodded in acknowledgement, taking out a small dagger as they made their way to the corpses and leaving the two men to themselves. Lucanis breathed a small sigh, his shoulders slouching slightly as if some weight had been lifted from him. When he heard a faint chuckle fall from the necromancers lips, he whipped his head to the direction of the elder man that seemed more amused than Lucanis thought he had a right to be.

"What." He grumbled. The word was spoken less like a question and more like an accusation.

"I might have confused you for a beet if not for the leather." Emmrich said in a somewhat hushed tone, not even attempting to hide the humor he found in all this.

Lucanis frowned and tugged at his shirt collar, his eyes narrowing only slightly. "A lack of oxygen, nothing more."

Emmrichs grin widened at that, the man turning on his heel as he started a steady stride forward. "Why, my good assassin, I would never think to imply otherwise!"

And with that, he made his way. The Crow stood there for a moment, catching his breath. Both figuratively and literally. He had lived through training that others had been known to break from. His life had been in more danger than he would even care to count. But in all of his life, he could never recall a time where he had been so utterly... Coddled. It was foreign. Unnecessary.

Rook fawned and worried after him far too much, and certainly far more than was warranted. Yet, he could not shake that tightening in his chest when they called out his name when worried. How their hands felt on his skin when they mended the cuts and bruises on his own. They their eyes seem to soften as they looked over his every wound, treating them with the utmost tenderness and care; treating him that way.

It was unnecessary, yes... But it was not wholly unpleasant. He could admit that his heart would skip a beat when they laid their hand on his back to soothe the salves into his flesh. How his breath would hitch if their hand brushed his at the table. How they would dawn that sweet, sweet smile as they apologized if they had made him uncomfortable.

How could they? The very thought was enough to illicit a scoff. No one had ever been so outwardly concerned or so patient. For him. No, they could never make him uncomfortable. Uncertain? Possibly. Embarrassed? Certainly. But never comfortable. Not when they were the only one who knew how to bring him comfort.

But he needed to focus. There was still a job left to be done, and he was never one to leave a job left unfinished. And all that besides, he would still need to calm himself down once they returned to base... Maybe with a cold bath.

And still, even as they pressed on, he doubted he would find himself able to think of much else for some time yet.

[infintenonagon]

2, 18, 19 for oc asks?

Im gonna answer these for a few of my ocs because I don't expect to get many asks and love talking about my little guys. Alistair, Teeth, Cecil, and Patricia will be in responses as relevant

2. Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?

A good number of my OCs started out as ttrpg characters of some type, and given who I play with and such I now have 3 OCs (Alistair, Cecil, and Patricia) that are part of duos with @paleio s characters (Eris, Oz, and Ara respectively), all of the duos were created with specific relationships in mind as detailed below.

Alistair is part of a body disposal crew for a gang in a dishonored/blades in the dark inspired city that accidentally found himself caring for Eris, who is runaway adolescent nobility (and maybe occasionally possessed but that's beside the point).

Cecil is the adoptive son of Oz, and is a classic sword and sorcery swashbuckler trying to make sure that him and his mom don't get killed on their merry little adventures (also he's 13 and rapidly developing a personality disorder and succombing to the horrors)

Patricia is a college senior turned humanoid TARDIS, after what was supposed to be a quick adventure with a close friend and the time Lord they had been travelling with (that's Ara) left her stranded in space with an alien she kinda hates (still Ara), the corpse of her friend, and a body that's now fully alien technology.

18. What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

not all of them have new info cause most of them are older and have pretty solid backstorys already,

Teeth (former doctor now current magical corpse trying to find a cure for the rot slowly eating away his body) went through a messy breakup with his ex husband prior to becoming a soulless undead husk

Patricia I cant talk too much about cause the other players in her ttrpg campaign follow me on here, but is at least 40% more patriotic towards the United States than she should be

Alistair's "resume" looks a lot cleaner than it should cause he only ever really helps scout out a job or clean up after a completed job, he's actually fairly useless in a straight fight despite his size

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Alistair's current specialty is disposing of corpses, but he's actually a trained architect, its just hard to find a good job when everyone knows you as the guy who drives the corpse wagon at night

Teeth exists in 4 main iterations/timelines, and every possible Teeth would absolutely despise the others

Patricia's got no clue that [redacted] is [redacted] [redacted]

Cecil is gonna start realizing shes trans around 16, but wont internalize that its not simply a biproduct of all her other mental issues for another 4 years