#Jfc I hate that guy….ugh..

[skhardwarevers1]

how much aura did I lose when my Spanish teacher got so mad about students being on their phones he slammed the whiteboard and it scared me so bad I started crying and had to be excused from class

[skrunksthatwunk]

i would really appreciate it if i didn't have a brain that thought torturing me was a helpful response to being scared of us. im your copilot stop fucking tazing me you dick

[ophelialoveshandsomemen]

Say what you will about Van Helsing 2004; hate it, love it, be indifferent, But the All-Hallow's masquerade ball went sooooo hard and it had zero right to do so! It's a fun, campy, monster mash movie with wonderfully dated ( and expensive) cgi and non-stop action meant to be a popcorn flick one takes out to watch around spooky season. And it has this* chef's kiss* GORGEOUS 6 minute sequence plopped arbitrarily in the second act, which unexpectedly surpasses nearly every other ball in the last 30+ years of film( notable exception being the Cinderella 2015 ball) for literally no reason other than to be dramatic af.

Like feast your eyes on this Gothic masterpiece!!! Who doesn't want to immediately live in this picture?!??

They used those candles with oil in them so that they would have real candles, real string orchestra( I believe), probably around 100 real life extras( something which is tragically absent in modern film), said extras are all in beautiful fully decked-out costumes( which are in luxuriously dark colours, but nearly no fully black, another thing you cannot say for much modern cinema), REAL CIRQUE DU SOLEIL PERFORMERS for all the acrobatics!!!! Hell, instead of filming in a sound stage, where they could control the reverb and the acoustics and the size of the set and the bloody lighting ( they apparently had a heck of a time emulating the firelight for this sequence) and the temperature( it's very cold in stone churches!) better, they filmed in a Baroque church in Prague! As I said, peak dramatic splendour, jfc...

Think about that a second...They filmed a vampire masquerade in a Baroque Catholic Church( St. Nicholas' in Lesser Town, if you were curious) with amazing over-the-top acoustics and marble statues and real, tiled floors and marble pillars and a choir loft which they very much utilized, covered the pipe organ and the altar with a grand brocade curtain so it wouldn't be so obviously a, you know, a church! And there's a gold gilt elevated and canopied pulpit into which they put two vampire kiddies for, again, the sake of being dramatic.

And the costumes! They remind me of the 25th anniversary Phantom of the Opera Masquerade costumes. Same quality, like they're old, well-cared-for costumes pulled out of a warehouse, instead of fast industry churn-outs. With lots of trim and colour and masks and lace and feathers and..just...ugh.. they are all perfect! Just look at all the head pieces on the ladies and the hats on all the gentleman ( save Dracula of course) and the powdered wigs on the musicians. ANNNNDD! The dresses are historically correct!!!!!! It's the 80's bustle era! Nobody does the 80's bustle era in film anymore and it's a bummer. Oh and one other thing! Anna's ( and other women's) hair, at least here in the ball, is also historically accurate because it's all pinned up! None of those fucken modern beachwaves at a ball! Everybody's got updo's!

Gah, I swear, Dracula in his gold cloak really does things to me in this scene!

By the way, the acrobatics are bonkers in here for just background stuff!! Especially the random guys on unicycles and the dude playing the violin whilst standing on a ball...Like....WHAT?

Anyways, all this to say, that this masquerade ball feels sooo real and tangible and because of that it blows every other film out of the water, and no, I will not change my mind!!!!!

Here's a few more gifs, bcuz, why the hell not, this scene is sexy as fuu*ck?

Alright I need to go to bed now.

[astro-nomaly]

Sword and Shield (greenflower)

jfc i feel insane. i had to get this au out of my head so i wrote this first draft thing in two days anyways this is probably all i'll write at least for a while bc i don't have an actual set storyline and i really need to write tkal lmao. this is technically 2 chapters but whatever they made sense together

anyways @morroodle this is for you dude and uh sorry if this crashes anyone's browser. no cw for this. Edit 3/2/25 @highbookwormofthecentury here you go man have at it

Brad Tudabone is 17 years old – almost 18 (if ‘in seven months’ counts as ‘almost’) - and is currently climbing the tallest mountain in Ninjago.  

Now, the Realm has its fair share of mountains. The Golden Peaks of the West (the existence of which is not confirmed) in the Endless Sea are supposed to be taller than the sea is deep. Less impressively, the Shintaro Mountain range in the Southern Province stretches dozens of miles high, and the Caves of Despair are the most treacherous peaks in the world. But Brad is conquering something a little more difficult - the Mountains of Impossible Height.  

Honestly, the name was an exaggeration. It was, at best, the Mountains of Incredibly Dangerous Do Not Attempt for Fear of Death. Brad had only almost died, like, five times. And his arm was probably fractured, but whatever.  

He huddled against the cave wall, wincing as the sharp edges dug into the thin fabric of his shirt. Dammit, he should’ve brought a coat. He scowled at his fraying boots, one cold toe poking through. Should’ve brought better boots, too. Who knew climbing the world’s tallest mountain was such hard work?  

Brad was taking shelter in a small cave carved into the side of the Mountain of Impossible Height, which was a mouthful, waiting for the rain to pass. This high up, a light shower could kill him. He was already freezing.  

Brad shuffled a little closer to the small fire he had going, huffing into his hands. Next time, he would bring gloves that covered his fingers. Man, fingerless gloves looked so cool though! Though, it’s not like anyone else he knew wore them.  

To pass the time as he warmed up, Brad pulled an ancient scroll from his bag of assorted supplies, most of which he needed more of. Climbing mountains sucked.  

The scroll was fraying, yellow and browning around the edges. The thing was only a few decades old, but hadn’t been preserved well. Brad had found it only a month or two ago while poking around a half-destroyed museum, courtesy of the Oni army.  

Ugh. Brad hated the Oni. They’d shown up, what, fifty years ago?  So far, the army had been kept at bay by the holders of the Golden Weapons - weapons people didn’t know even existed - and Wu, the son of the First Spinjitzu Master – supposedly. No one knew if the god was real or not, but the dragon demigod of creation pointed to ‘yes’. The army had come out of a strange portal from the First Realm, a place no one was sure even existed before the arrival of the four-armed demons. They were led by yet another legendary figure; Garmadon, the Oni demigod of destruction and the first son of the FSM.  

There was a running theme here. Fifty years ago, several ancient legends were confirmed to be true as magic and elements were thrust into their realm. So, Brad felt confident about this legend as well.  

The Sword of Sanctuary. The scroll Brad scavenged from the museum rubble illustrated a lustrous golden sword surrounded by elegant text. The sword was, supposedly, the legendary weapon of the FSM himself, and super powerful to boot.  

It made sense, didn’t it? If demigods of creation and destruction were real, and other realms were real, and the elemental Golden Weapons then didn’t it stand to reason that the guy who made those weapons and fathered those demigods existed? If the FSM was real, then the sword was too, and that meant it could be useful.  

Everyone Brad reported his theory to – his overworked mom, his friends, the cops – laughed in his face. After fifty years of war that went almost nowhere, no matter how many dragons showed up to help, people were tired and low on hope. Every day the Oni army got closer to capturing the capital city, and if they did, they’d have easy access to the other four provinces. People needed practical solutions, not fairytales.  

But Brad knew that this wasn’t a fairytale. The sword was real, he just knew it. Was it a little presumptuous to assume that he could use it? Maybe. Brad was a normal guy – he played basketball, he gardened, and he was self-taught in using any kind of weapon. He didn’t know a single martial arts form, and his go-to for winning fights was the kick the other guy in the crotch and run. (Which, by the way, totally worked.) But even if Brad himself couldn’t use the sword, couldn’t someone else? One of the elemental masters, or even Wu? It didn’t matter who had the sword - if Brad found it, he could find someone to use it and win the fight.  

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want the sword, though. Brad hated feeling so useless all the time. His mom worked day and night to keep their apartment and put food on the table, half of which Brad grew in their own house. All his friends were either enlisted or contributing to society somehow. But Brad... didn’t really want to be in the army. Sure, fighting demons sounded cool, but he wanted adventure, not barracks and boot camp.  

If Brad found the Sword of Sanctuary, not only could the humans win the war, but Brad would be a hero.  

Besides, how cool would a magic sword be? Brad’s thinking lasers.  

He traced the thin letters around the illustration. He should, if the scroll isn’t lying to him, find some sort of temple at the top of the mountain, and the sword inside. Just like the last few days on this mountain, the scroll strengthened his resolve. He wasn’t just doing it for the adventure – though, if Ninjago weren’t in such dire straits, he would probably still do this – he was also doing it for Ninjago. For his mom, for Gene, who worked all the time trying to develop better technologies, and for all the citizens of Ninjago City who wanted just one good day.  

He tucked the scroll back into his bag, careful to make sure it wouldn’t crease or tear, and settled on his side. The rain wasn’t letting up any time soon. Might as well sleep.  

Brad dreams of Green. Not green, like the color, but Green. It’s life, it’s beauty, it’s the forest floor dappled in sunlight and the tall field grass swaying in a gentle breeze. It’s the shine of a bright grin and the adrenaline of a race. The Green is everywhere, all-consuming and shining like a star. Sheer gold peeks through the cracks, brighter than the sun itself.  

It’s crying.  

“Let me out,” the Green and Gold begs. The words don’t exist. They’re a compilation of feelings, hopes and dreams and everything else the universe can’t quantify. It’s like Brad has been granted a window into the soul of the realm itself, only to find that it was looking back.  

The words come in a melody, sweet and bright and lulling him to an even deeper sleep despite the sheer desperation leaking through.  

“LET ME OUT!” The Green and Gold screams, but Brad can only dip further into sleep.  

For the rest of the night, he dreams of darkness. 

Brad hates mountains. He’s been on this damned mountain for five days, ran out of food two days and has been random fruit since, and has no idea where he is. He briefly entertains the thought of dying up here before shaking it from his mind. He knows he’s getting closer – this mountain can’t get too much taller, can it?  

He shivers, clutching his arms as he stalks up the natural pathway. It’s overgrown and treacherous, but he’s lucky nonetheless that a path exists at all. It only supports his mission – at some point, people were here.  

“’Course, they probably had coats,” he muttered. He’s been talking to himself lately, which isn’t ideal, but whatever.  

He cut through a particularly nasty bramble patch in his way with his katana. It was an old, chipped thing, supposedly belonging to his father at some point. He didn’t have any attachment to the guy; he died before Brad was born. Still, a sword was a sword.  

Not as cool as the Sword of Sanctuary, though. 

Surprisingly, though, today seems to be a good day for Brad. For the past five days, the mountain had only gotten more and more treacherous, trying its best to kill him at every turn. He’s had to dodge wolves, evil birds, navigate horrendously narrow pathways and climb vertical cliff faces. Nothing so far has been easy – except now. The path levels out, the jagged rocks become smooth- 

Water. 

Brad laughs in disbelief. There’s a river! Oh, he’s missed water. He bends at the bank, scooping water in his mouth. It’s cold as it slides down his throat, and he drinks greedily.  

He wipes his mouth, sated, and takes another second to look around. The mountain is starting to level out, and greenery fills the area. The trees are lusher than they have any right to be, bearing fruit that definitely isn’t in season. It’s warmer now, too, which is weird so high up. The ground is crawling with bright green vines, flowering in shades of unnatural gold.  

“...huh,” he says. The Mountain of Impossible Height has been inhospitable to a fault so far. Why is it suddenly so nice? A refreshing river, fruit-bearing trees, smooth pathways?  

“Either something is horrifically wrong or terrifically right,” Brad said, adjusting the strap of his bag as he stood. He followed the path, holding his katana cautiously. But nothing came out at him. Birds literally sang in the treetops, a few does bound through the increasingly thick trees, hell, a butterfly literally landed on his nose at one point. It was as if he’d crossed a threshold.  

Brad soon came to an actual pathway, made up of cobblestone overgrown with moss. He followed the winding road, growing more and more excited as lamps began to dress the grass along the path.  

Then- a monastery.  

Brad gaped at the sight. A large red Torii gate stood before him, and further down the path, a grand monastery. It was gated by a tall solid stone fence, overgrown with flowering vines and moss. Brad whooped, running along the path until he reached the entrance, throwing the double doors open with a laugh.  

He came into a courtyard with a golden dragon statue in the middle. If he wasn’t sure of this place before, he was now. This had to be it. The home of the Sword of Sanctuary.  

He stepped forward carefully, looking around the courtyard. It was wholly abandoned and overgrown in greenery. It was beautiful, yes, but eerie as well. Like a school at midnight, or a graveyard at night. Otherworldly.  

“Hello?” He called, just to be safe. He didn’t want to upset a possible deity or something.  

Nothing. He shrugged and poked around on the wrap-around porch. He slid open the doors inside and recoiled at the smell of dust. Yeah, this place hadn’t been touched for a while.  

He stepped inside, feeling as though he’d come into another realm entirely. Yeah, this had ‘school at midnight’ vibes. The halls were dark, lit only by the fading sunlight that shown through the aged walls and grimy windows. Every step he took made the floorboards creak and groan.  

He followed the hall, humming nervously. He poked his head in every door he came across but just found abandoned bedrooms and bathrooms. There was a large kitchen, a couch and TV – weird – and a small armory. He made his way around the entire monastery, and didn’t find anything of note.  

He sighed, flopping down on the couch. Dust rose up around him, settling on the disturbed surface.  

“Think, Tudabone,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair, pulled back by a red bandana. There had to be something here that would lead him to the sword.  

“A basement!” He exclaimed, smacking his forehead. Of course! Who would leave a mega-powerful legendary sword laying around for anyone to nab? There had to be a hidden room or basement or-  

“Or not,” he said, staring at the ceiling. Outside, he’d made note of the way the roof accommodated what seemed to be two extra rooms stacked on each other above the entrance doors, featuring round windows.  

He vaguely recalled a faint light coming from the very top window, what he’d assumed to be sunlight.  

Well, he’s looked everywhere else.  

Brad quickly ran back outside, looking up at the extra two stories, rising into a tower. The sun was going down now, but the golden light remained in the uppermost window. He grinned and looked for a way to get up to it. The stone around the double gates was crumbling, revealing convenient footholds.  

He crossed the courtyard, hauling himself up the wall until he stood on the narrow shingles, balancing carefully. He slowly put one foot in front of the other, making his way over to the wider part of the roof. When he did, he scrambled over the roof to the second story, holding the red column that supported the roof.  

Brad stretched on his toes, trying to grasp the edge of the second story’s slanted roof. He was a tall guy, but damn! When he finally got his fingers over the edge, he jumped the extra few inches to grab on with his other hand. Brad breathed heavily, swaying lightly from the roof. He grunted as he pulled himself up, using the shingles as leverage until he could awkwardly kneel on the second story roof. The third story was small, and the window was too grimy to see through. But up close, he could definitely tell that the golden light was emitting from this room.  

He fumbled with the round window, searching for a latch. The latch was on the inside, but a little jiggling got the run-down window to slowly creak open. Brad tumbled through, landing on his knees and cutting up his palm with splinters. He hissed, drawing his hand to his chest.  

Inside the room, he felt warmth as golden light bathed his body. He looked up just for his breath to catch in his throat with a gasp.  

The Sword of Sanctuary.  

Brad didn’t need to reference the scroll to know that this was the sword. It gleamed in the sunset, emitting a soft golden light from its spotless blade. The blade seemed to be painted with every color of the waning and rising sun, thrumming with light. Warmth emanated from it, bathing the room in honey. The hilt curved inward elegantly, and in the middle rested a magnificent green gem. Brad couldn’t tell if it was emerald – it seemed too ethereal to come from the earth.  

The sword was held downward by a statue. The statue was a simple androgynous person with intricately carved feathered wings draping their body like a chiton, and a crown resting upon their brow. Otherwise, they were bare. Their eyes were closed, and their expression seemed to leak with sadness as they clutched the sword by the hilt.  

Brad stepped forward, enraptured by the sight of the sword. The green gem, originally inactive, pulsed and light up with light like it had sensed him. Brad stopped, holding his breath. The gem simply continued to glow.  

“Right, right,” Brad whispered, strangely short of breath, “watch out for boobytraps.” He looked around for tripwires or plates but found nothing. The walls were decorated with woven tapestries of the Golden Weapons, and behind the statue on either side were an Oni and a dragon. Otherwise, the room was empty.  

Okay. No boobytraps – maybe it was a test of character? He’d seen books like that.  

“Hey... sword,” he said, feeling a little dumb, “I’m not going to use you for, like, evil. I’m here to save people, so please don’t kill me.” 

He left his katana and satchel on the floor, slowly walking toward the statue. The green gem, somehow demanding more attention than the ethereal blade, thrummed in time with his footsteps, glowing brighter as he got closer. He hoped that wasn’t a bad sign.  

Brad hesitated, reaching for the sword. His hand curled, hesitant, before he used both hands to grab the sword by the curling hilt. The second he laid hands on it, the sword lit up even brighter, shining brighter than the sun.  

Brad shut his eyes against the onslaught of light, grunting, but didn’t let go. The sword was hot, now, but it wasn’t painful. It was like a melty cookie, or a space heater – warm, comforting, soft.  

He squinted, and tugged. The statue’s hands held the sword tightly. Brad braced his feet, trying to adjust for more leverage. “Come on,” he said, tugging again. “Please,” he whispered, “I need you.” 

With each increasingly hard tug, the sword somehow became brighter and brighter. It was audibly humming now, filling the air with a strangely familiar melody. The smell of flowers filled the air, wafting in the dusty room. Wind ruffled the tapestries as Brad pulled at the sword harder and harder.  

He grit his teeth, tightened his hold, and pulled as hard as he possibly could.  

The stone hands around the sword cracked and fell, releasing the sword. With one final burst of light, the sword fell forward, and Brad toppled from the momentum of his pull.  

He stumbled back, breathing heavily, as the sword dimmed, slowly ceasing the thrumming and humming. The wind died down, and the scent of flowers settled with the dust.  

Brad stared down at the sword, its blade gleaming like new, breathless. He laughed, little bursts falling from his mouth. “I did it,” he whispered, disbelieving, “I did it! I got the sword!” 

The winged statue crumbled to pieces. Brad flinched, jumping back, as the stone fell away in chunks. “Ooh,” he winced, “that’s... that’s not a great sign.” 

He waited for something else to happen, but nothing did.  

“...huh. Okay." He looked down at the sword. “You're not going to disintegrate me, right? We’re chill?” The sword did not respond.  

He grinned, readjusting his grip to hold the actual handle. He noticed, belatedly, that the pommel is a second, smaller green gem encased in gold. He holds the sword up high, tilting it back and forth to catch the fading light.  

“Heh,” he laughs, swinging it in a slow arc through the air. He hears an audible swish, and laughs again. He feels so cool! Him, regular old Brad Tudabone, wielding the legendary Sword of Sanctuary with ease! He even feels stronger for it, like he could sprint a hundred miles or punch straight through a mountain. “This is so cool,” he says, cutting another arc through the air. He twirls the sword, taking it the way the light creates a kaleidoscope.  

Brad wonders what the sword can really do. Does it shoot lasers? Is it telekinetic, somehow? Or- ooh, he saw an anime where the sword duplicated itself once, that would epic. He traces the blade reverently, imagining everything the sword could possibly accomplish against the Oni. He notices soft green vines, thin and fragile, curling up from the golden hilt against the sunset blade. He smiles.  

“I bet someone was real lucky to have this,” he thinks aloud, “you’re going to help so many people, y’know. Ugh, I wish you could talk. I want to know everything.”  

As if he’s said some kind of code word, the blade begins to shudder. Brad makes a startled noise, holding the sword at arm's length. The green gem begins to glow brighter than ever, thrumming violently. The blade itself warps, the previously soft hues becoming eye-scorching shades of burning violets and yellows. Brad feels nauseous just looking at it, but he can’t seem to let go.  

“No, no, no-” he gasps, arms shaking from the strain as the sword grows more violent by the second, “please, stop, no, no, no-” he begs, but the sword isn’t listening anymore. It’s gone from elegant and soft to nauseating as colors blend into each other. The hilt itself begins to warp, curling inward as the metal melts into itself. Glowing cracks emanate from the green gem as bright, scorching cracks appear in the sword. Brad gasps, frantically shaking the sword as if he can make it stop.  

Then light like a flashbang overtakes the entire room, blinding Brad, and he falls on his butt.  

Brad comes to slowly, still blinking rainbow spots out of his eyes. He’s pinned to the floor by something on his stomach and legs, and quickly realizes that the weight is moving. He rubs his eyes, propping his upper half up.  

There is a person on his lap.  

Brad gapes, once again speechless. By now, the moon is up, framing the person in a halo of cold light that only accentuates the sheer warmth leaking off of them. They have long golden hair that curls down to their shoulders, fluffy and soft and shining. A light gold and green diadem rests on their head, secured in their thick hair. They’re dressed in a white, sleeveless sort of shirt, ruffled and flowing at the end. The top folds over their shoulders, lined in green and tiny little emerald gemstones. Their legs are covered by a long white cloth that’s secured by another silky material with a gold chain. Their legs are otherwise bare and freckled. Their skin is a soft tan, golden in the moonlight.  

They’re really, really cute. And they’re on Brad’s lap.  

Okay Tudabone, don’t mess this up.  

The person groans softly, face twitching. Their eyelashes are as golden as their hair, and underneath their eyes are soft golden markings, curly and elegant. He can respect the color scheme.  

Brad watches as their eyes flutter open, confused and dazed. Their irises are a beautiful emerald green, shining in every shade Brad can think of. Their pupils are shaped like miniature twinkling stars, again golden. Golden pupils – strange. As they slowly adjust, making confused noises, their pointed ears twitch rapidly.  

That’s really cute, Brad thinks, face hot.  

They seem to realize that they’re sitting on Brad, and stare up at him with giant green doe eyes. Brad’s face gets even hotter the longer they make eye contact.  

“...hi,” they whisper softly. Their voice is oddly familiar, like a melody he’s heard before.  

He swallows thickly. “Hi,” he responds softly, not willing to break the strange spell over the room.  

The blonde looks around, and they don’t seem to recognize their surroundings. “Wh- who- where-” they mutter, and Brad starts to get concerned. He holds them by the arms gently, trying to corral them up off of him.  

“Are you okay?” He asks. The person nods vaguely, slowly wobbling to their feet. Brad notices that their feet are bare with a grimace. They could easily cut their skin on splinters.  

They stare down at their own freckled hands, inspecting their skin. Now that Brad’s had a few seconds to get his bearings, he’s getting really freaked out. Ten seconds ago, he was holding the Sword of Sanctuary when it suddenly began warping and glowing. Now there’s a blonde person dressed in oddly ancient-looking clothes, acting as if they've never seen their own hands before.  

“Hey, are you okay?” He asks again, because he might be freaked out, but this person is obviously not okay. They hum, twisting around to look at him with those giant green eyes. They’re practically glowing in the moonlight.  

“Where are we?" They ask. Brad blinks, surprised.  

“The- the Mountain of Impossible Height. Seriously, are you feeling alright? You seem confused.” 

They touch their forehead, eyes shutting like they’ve encountered a sudden headache. It draws Brad’s attention to the strange golden tattoo imprinted on their forehead like a little tiara.  

“How- who are you?” They demand.  

“Brad,” he answers gently. “Look, I don’t mean to push, but twenty seconds ago I was holding a magic sword. Now you’re here. Where did you come from?” 

“A sword?” They’re suddenly staring at him with intensity. “What do you know about the sword?”  

Brad holds his hands up, trying to calm them. “Hey, I just found it here. It freaked out and boom, here you are. I’m just as confused as you. Here, look.” Brad scooped his bag off the floor, brandishing the worn scroll to the stranger. “Look, this is what I was looking for.” 

They snatch the scroll, eyes raking over it. “...does anyone else know about this?”  

“No, no one else believed me. Why? Really, you just came out of no... where...” Brad trails off slowly. The sword was golden, inlaid with green gemstones that seemed to come from the stars themselves.  

This person speaks with a melodious voice, just as soft and ethereal as the sword. They’re dressed in white, yes, but marked with golden tattoos. Their eyes are such a pure, glittering green that Brad can’t stand to look at them for too long.  

His eyes inadvertently lock onto their chest. Two sparkling green gemstones are imbedded in their skin, softly thrumming.  

“You’re the sword,” he says dumbly.  

They stiffen, eyes wild like a deer in headlights. The two stare at one another, frozen. The blonde – the Sword of Sanctuary who is a person – goes from a terrified stare to a glare. “What do you know about this?” They demand, waving the scroll at Brad. “Why did you come looking for me?” 

“I just found it!” Brad defended, “I was looking for the sword- for you because you’re supposed to be really powerful! Look, you belonged to the First Master, right?” 

“I don’t belong to anyone,” they snarled. Brad nodded.  

“Okay, okay. But still, you’re all about justice and whatnot, right? Look, there’s this huge Oni army, and they’re hurting people. I came looking for you because you were supposed to help.” 

“Oni army?” They ask, their gaze intense.  

Brad nodded. “Yeah, and they’re close to taking over Ninjago City. Can’t you do anything?” 

They hum, tapping the parchment. “How long has it been?” 

“What?” 

“How long has the army been in Ninjago?” 

“Oh,” Brad hummed, “about... fifty years, give or take. It’s been a while.” 

Their eyes grow huge, pupils shrinking. “Fifty years?!” They cry, their harsh grip creasing the scroll. Brad nodded, confused. They clutch at their hair, breaths suddenly coming in sharp gasps. “It’s been fifty years?!” They whisper to themself.  

Brad steps forward, but they recoil as if he’d threatened them with a knife. “Don’t touch me!” They shriek. Brad freezes as they shake in place. Tears begin to grow in their eyes, and their shoulders fall as their face crumples.  

“Fifty years...” they mumble, holding their face in their hand.  

“Have... have you been in that sword this entire time?” Brad asks incredulously. “Why?” 

They shake their head. “I didn’t have a choice,” they mumble miserably, shoulders shaking.  

Brad makes an affronted noise. “Somebody did that to you? Why?! Did you do something evil?” 

“No, I’m not evil!” 

“Then I’ll punch them in the face,” Brad decided, punching his fist into his palm and looking around like the culprit would suddenly appear.  

They let out a startled laugh through tears. “Y-you definitely can’t do that,” they say, wiping their eyes. Brad scoffs.  

“Yeah? Why not?” 

“He’d probably kill you,” they mutter. Their expression crumbles all over again, misery etching their face. “Fifty years...” they mumble, sniffling. “And nobody came for me. Not my uncle... not my brothers and sister... nobody except you.” 

Brad grimaced. “...I do my best?” 

They make a sound between a laugh and a sob. “I-I’m sorry. Brad, right? You probably want an explanation.” 

He shakes his head, reaching out tentatively. When they don’t freak out again, he rests his hand on their arm. “It’s okay,” he says, “you’re upset. You don’t have to explain anything. Actually, I can just fuck off if I’m stressing you out-” 

They shake their head, wiping away any lingering tears. “It’s okay. You came all this way.” 

“Well... okay,” Brad pulls them to the floor so they can sit down. He lets go of their arm once he’s sure they’re not going to topple over. “So, how are you a sword? Or, I guess, how is a sword a person. Which came first, the person or the sword?” 

They shake their head, mixed between amusement and that ever-present misery. “It’s not like that,” they say, “I wasn’t always a sword. I used to be a person.” 

“Oh,” Brad says, “so someone turned you into a sword. But if the sword belonged to that Spinjitzu guy, shouldn’t you be... older?” 

“Nice to know I look young,” they joke. “But yeah, I’m only sixteen. I wasn’t turned into a sword so much as I was fused with it. Like a curse, kind of.” 

Brad nodded. So, this person, whoever they were, was fused with the FSM’s sword? Why the hell would anyone do that just to leave them in some dusty monastery? “Well, if you’re a person first, what’s your name?” Brad asks, tired of not knowing. They blink, surprised, like they hadn’t conceived that Brad would care to ask for a name.  

“...Lloyd Garmadon.” 

Brad gaped. “Garmadon? As in Emperor Garmadon?!” 

Lloyd made a face. “Is that what he’s calling himself? Ugh, my dad is cringy. Yes, I’m the son of Garmadon. He’s... actually the one that fused me with the sword.” 

“His own son? That’s- really fucked up,” Brad didn’t even know how to react. Who does that to their own kid? Was it some sort of twisted immortal being punishment? What could Lloyd have possibly done? 

Lloyd drew his knees up to his chest, resting his head in the soft white fabric of his tunic. “It’s complicated,” he mumbled, picking at the fine golden threads lining his clothes. “My dad was banished to the First Realm when I was four after he tried to steal the Golden Weapons. I grew up with my uncle and his students, the elemental masters. I became the Green Ninja when I was fourteen, and Garmadon returned when I was sixteen.”  

“You were a ninja? What’s your element?” Brad leaned forward.  

Lloyd smiled wistfully. “The Green element.” 

“What... what is that.” 

He laughed, and Brad blushed at the sound. “I can’t explain it to you. The words don’t exist in a language mortals can comprehend. The closest thing is... energy. The energy within everything.” 

“Wow,” Brad breathed, “it must’ve been epic.” 

“It was,” Lloyd agreed, “it was incredible.” 

Brad hummed, picking at the floor. “If you were so powerful, though, how did Garmadon... swordify? Is that the term? How’d he swordify you?” 

Lloyd’s face spasmed in a mix of embarrassment and regret. “It was my fault,” he mumbled, eyes downcast, “Uncle Wu didn’t want me to fight him. He wanted me kept far away from Garmadon. But after months of no progress, I... I confronted him. I thought I could get him to listen. Instead, he put me in a sword.” 

“But... how?” 

“I was stupid,” Lloyd said, “I refused to fight him. I let myself get tricked, and he... it doesn’t matter,” Lloyd fiercely wiped at his face, erasing any sign of tears before they could appear. “M-my uncle saved me, that’s the point. He stole me back, and changed the curse. Uncle Wu made sure that nobody could use the Green Element, and so long as I’m here, I have free will.”  

Brad’s face screwed up, confused. “Free will? What does that mean?”  

Lloyd’s expression spasmed again, and he stared at the floor, eyebrows furrowed. “I- okay. My father turned me into a sword to use my element. When he did, he stripped away my free will. Basically, whoever picks me up as a sword becomes my wielder, and they control whether I’m human. I physically can’t disobey them.” 

Brad struggled to wrap his head around it. “Like... Ella Enchanted?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“That movie! The girl has to obey everyone, and can’t say no. Like, the stepsisters-” 

Lloyd let out a dry laugh, sniffling. “Actually, yes. Except only my wielder controls me, and they turn me into a sword. I can’t switch by myself.” 

Brad snapped his fingers, “hey, doesn’t that mean that your uncle was your last wielder? Why’d he leave you like this? What a dick.” 

Lloyd shook with laughter. “Good question. Maybe he wanted to protect me, or make sure I didn’t run away again. Not that I could. If I get too far away from a wielder, I just turn back into a sword.” 

“Speaking from experience?” 

Lloyd bit his lip and nodded. Brad scoffed. “I’m going to punch Garmadon in the face.” 

“Good luck with that,” Lloyd said, smoothing out the creases in his tunic. “I, for one, would love to punch my father.” 

Lloyd’s words gave Brad a sudden idea, and he shot to his feet, pacing back and forth. Lloyd watched him from the floor, somewhat wary, but Brad was too caught up in his head.  

“That’s it,” he muttered, running a hand through his disheveled hair, “wait, that’s it!” 

“What is? Punching Garmadon? I’m all for it, but-” 

“No- well, yes, but no,” Brad turned back to Lloyd, who’s head was tilted to the side in confusion. Brad blushed briefly at the sight, before shaking it away. “Lloyd, I’m your new wielder, right? I picked you up, I think I made you human-” 

“It doesn’t work in here,” Lloyd snapped defensively, crossing his arms over himself protectively. “You can’t order me around in the monastery, and I’ll kick your ass if you try.” 

“No!” Brad waved his hands, “No, I wouldn’t do that! I mean, if I’m your wielder, and someone can only control you if they pick you up as a sword, what if I just never turn you into a sword? Loophole!” 

“For what?” Lloyd asked, exasperated. Brad grinned.  

“If no one – especially Garmadon – can ever steal you, then you’re free to use your element without anyone controlling you! I get that you can’t get too far away from me – so we’ll stick together. I’ll take you to Ninjago City, and you’ll kick Garmadon’s ass with your epic element! I can cheer you on in the background, it’ll be great!” 

Lloyd’s eyes grew big as his face went straight back to miserable. “I- I can’t.” He hugged his legs to his chest, looking at anything but Brad as if he was ashamed. Brad deflated, staring down at him.  

“But... why? You’re a ninja, aren’t you? Isn’t fighting evil emperors your whole thing?” 

“No, I can’t use my element,” Lloyd corrected in a small voice. “My element was sealed away in the sword. And since Uncle Wu made it so that nobody could use my element, that means that the Green Element is gone. Nobody, not even me, can use it anymore. I can’t even do Spinjitzu.” 

Brad’s shoulders fell as his excitement flew out of him. “...oh. Well, that sucks.” 

Brad sat back down across from Lloyd, who was curled into himself as if he could hide in the white swathes of clothing. Brad felt kind of silly, now. Like, no duh! Why would an evil warlord leave his prisoner’s power unchained?  

Lloyd sniffled. “I’m sorry, Brad,” he said quietly. “I wish I could help. But I- I can’t leave and let people use me. I can’t just give up my body so people can swing me around and kill people with me. I just...” 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Brad said, scooting closer to Lloyd. He laid a hand on Lloyd’s freckled shoulder, and froze when Lloyd fell into him, leaning on his side. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arm around the demigod, letting Lloyd leach off of his warmth. Lloyd himself was warm to the touch, and Brad’s skin reflected the glow, ever so faint. 

Brad sighed. He was fucked, wasn’t he? Well, at least this wasn’t for nothing. He looked down at Lloyd, and let a smile cross his face. At least Lloyd wouldn’t have to be trapped inside of that sword forever.  

“We might still win anyways,” he mused aloud, mostly just to fill the silence, “I mean, dragons show up all the time to help out, and we still have the Golden Weapons. We’ll be fine.” 

Lloyd hummed, tracing the wood of the floor idly. “Still... I hate to let you down.” 

“No let down here! I came here for a sword and found a friend. Uh... are we friends?” 

Lloyd turned his face up to smile at Brad, green eyes crinkling. The tattoo on his forehead glowed briefly, like Lloyd’s smile couldn’t be contained to his mouth. “Yeah,” he said, “we’re friends.” 

Brad’s face grew hot, and he coughed, looking away before he spontaneously combusted. Lloyd didn’t seem to notice, and drew himself up, dusting off his tunic.  

“Hey, I know I’ve been kind of disappointing-” 

“Not at all!” Brad jumped to his feet, and immediately felt stupid for yelling. Lloyd froze, eyes wide, before he laughed, a light blush covering his cheeks.  

“Anyways. Stay for a while? It’s lonely up here.” 

Brad hesitated. He’d left his mom, who was surely wondering where the hell he was, and Gene was probably worried as well. But looking at Lloyd’s hopeful expression, he couldn’t say no.  

“Sure. You have a garden?” 

Lloyd’s bright golden smile made it all worth it.  

Lloyd led him through the monastery, introducing him to a bedroom that once belonged to Cole Brookstone, the Master of Earth. Brad was astounded to learn how long Elemental Masters truly lived – the same ones Lloyd grew up with over 60 years ago were still kicking, wiping Oni ass.  

“Sorry for the mess,” Lloyd said, gathering the dusty comforter up, “ugh, I hope the washer still works.” 

Brad chuckled, shaking dust off of the pillows. “We’ve got some cleaning ahead of us. I can start on laundry.” 

Lloyd seemed surprised at the offer, before his eyes crinkled in a smile as the little gemstones imbedded in his chest glowed, twinkling like happy little stars. Brad couldn’t help the pink that spread across his cheeks. Man, if Lloyd continued smiling at him like that, Brad thinks he would do anything for him.  

Oh wow, he was whipped. Gene was going to make so much fun of him.  

That is, essentially, how Brad spends the next several days. He and Lloyd unearth ancient cleaning supplies and do their best tackling the dust and grime settled over the monastery. Lloyd, surprisingly adept with technology, tackles the appliances and power while Brad curb stomps the overgrown garden into submission. They both spend hours in the sun and crisp breeze cleaning the courtyard, and every night they do dishes together.  

Just two weeks ago, Brad was adrift. He didn’t know what he wanted from life – just that he wanted more. Now he spends his days in a monastery on the world’s tallest mountain with the oddest boy he’s ever met, and it’s the happiest he’s ever been.  

Lloyd is funny. He’s wry, and sharp, and through his hesitance is cheeky humor that Brad can’t help but find endlessly endearing, even when it’s used to dump buckets of water over his head.  

Somehow, Lloyd Garmadon has made this one of the best weeks of his life.  

Even if he has to leave soon.  

Brad splayed over a sofa in the library, idly flicking through scrolls and books. Lloyd was in the courtyard practicing katas and what Brad thinks might be Spinjitzu – minus the magic tornado.  

His thoughts are all over the place. On the one hand, he has to go. His mom and Gene will be worried, and he hates worrying them. On the other, all Brad wants is an adventure. Lloyd is quickly becoming a close friend, despite them not really sharing that much about themselves. Brad is just so easily drawn to him – or maybe that’s his raging ‘cute boy’ radar.  

He groaned, staring at the ceiling. If he left, he’d be doing more than leaving behind a close friend – he'd be leaving Lloyd all alone. In fifty years, Brad was the only person to come up here. Who would Lloyd talk to about Starfarer, or beat in Mario Kart, or do the dishes with? He’d be up on this tall mountain all alone.  

He wished there was a way to give Lloyd freedom. He saw the way the demigod looked at into the distance sometimes – like there was nothing he wanted more than to run out of this monastery as fast as possible and never look back.  

“I’m so punching Garmadon,” Brad grumbled, picking up the random scrolls he’d been looking through. Boring stuff, honestly. As he was setting them back in their respective nooks, his eye caught on one, seemingly disturbed. Curiously, he unfurled it.  

A sketch, done in quick, fluid pencil, of the four Golden Weapons. Those things were old news, but what interested Brad was the Sword of Sanctuary in the middle. His eyes roved over the words, and startled as he made out the characters spelling Lloyd’s name.  

“Holy shit,” he whispered, rereading the text in astonishment. He laughed, bouncing in place. “Lloyd! Lloyd, holy shit!” 

A few seconds later, the doors to the library slammed open, and Lloyd burst through the door with his fists up. He deflated when he saw Brad with the scroll.  

“Is... something wrong?” Brad grinned, holding out the scroll.  

“Lloyd, you’ve got to see this. It’s the solution!” 

Lloyd took the scroll, reading carefully. His eyes widened the more he read, clutching the scroll tightly. “This... oh, grandfather.” 

Brad grabbed Lloyd’s wrists, causing the blonde to look up at him. “Lloyd,” he breathed, “this is our answer. We can cure your curse and beat Garmadon.” 

“The Golden Weapons... can break the curse,” Lloyd whispered. A small, hesitant smile grew on his face as hope shined in his eyes. “They- they can get me out of the sword.” 

Hypothetically. The scroll was vague, and seemingly all hypotheticals, but it was hope. Hope for Lloyd, and Ninjago.  

Brad held Lloyd’s hands to his chest. “Then let’s go get them,” he urged. Lloyd shrunk away a bit.  

“But if I leave...” 

“Lloyd, please,” Brad begged. “I’m your wielder, aren’t I? Well, I promise, I will never make you shift. I won’t ever order you around, and I won’t ever ignore you if you don’t want to do something.” 

“But...”  

Lloyd was terrified of losing his free will. From his perspective, Brad could be lying. His words didn’t mean much when they’d known each other for a week.  

“Do you really want to wait around for your uncle to do it?” Brad pressed, desperate. He felt bad for pressuring Lloyd, but he also knew that if they could make this work, then Ninjago would be safe. “Lloyd, we can do this, can’t we? One kickass demigod and a swordsman!” 

Lloyd gave him an unimpressed look. “Are you even trained?” 

“I am... self-taught.” 

Lloyd drew back, staring down at the scroll. Brad sighed, and retracted his hands. “I won’t make you,” he said softly, “If you really don’t want to, then I won’t try to make you. But don’t you want to be free?” 

“And how do I know you won’t just turn me into a sword the second I step out that door?” Lloyd demanded. His voice cracked. “It’s what anyone would do! I- I'm not even a person to you.” 

Brad crossed his arms. “Okay, rude.” 

“What?” 

“Rude! Man, when I have acted like you’re not a person? I mean, you’re a mega powerful demigod, but that’s different than ‘not a person’. I mean it, Lloyd – I won’t force you to do anything.” 

Lloyd furrowed his brows. “I make a pretty kickass sword,” he warned, “you’ll be very sorely tempted. Not to mention all the people that will be after me.” 

“They can’t do anything to you,” Brad reminded with a smile, “not if I never turn you into a sword. Which I won’t, because you’re my friend.” 

Lloyd hummed thoughtfully. “...I’ve been wanting to kick my dad’s ass for a while,” he muttered vindictively.  

“Come on,” Brad said, “adventure of a lifetime!” 

“We’ll have to cross the entire continent.” 

“Road trip!” 

“We’ll be facing down my father’s worst soldiers, and neither of us have powers.” 

“We’ll be crafty. You’re a ninja, aren’t you?” 

Lloyd hesitated, and Brad could tell he was on the precipice. He softened his gaze. “Lloyd,” he said quietly, “you could wait for someone else to come along and free you... or you can free yourself.” 

“Why?” Lloyd muttered. He seemed genuinely curious. “Why risk your life for me like this? You realize that you’ll be in constant danger.” 

“Dude, why wouldn’t I? We break your curse, you get your powers back, and boom! Garmadon defeated, Ninjago saved. Besides,” he blushed, “an adventure? With you? Sign me up.” 

Lloyd fell quiet, his green eyes calculating. The gemstones on his chest betrayed his growing excitement as they began to light up, thrumming with their own melody.  

“Okay,” Lloyd breathed, his eyes brighter than Brad had ever seen them. The sight took his breath away.  

“Okay?” He said. Lloyd nodded vigorously, bouncing in excitement.  

“Yes! Let’s do it!”  

Brad laughed, tackling Lloyd in a hug. The shorter blonde startled, letting out a surprised laugh.  

“I am,” Lloyd said when they pulled away, “so ready to leave this monastery.” 

They find themselves, hours later, at the gate of the monastery. Brad shoulders the bulk of the bags, full to the brim with clothes and food they’d hurriedly packed. They were both itching to get out now. Maybe Brad hadn’t thought this over enough – but how could he deny the chance to stop the Oni army? How could he pass up such a big adventure?  

Lloyd hesitated on the steps, just within the boundaries of the monastery. Brad wordlessly held out his hand for Lloyd to take, smiling softly.  

Lloyd looked down at him, framed by the sunlight shining through his golden hair like a halo. He took a deep, shuddery breath, and grabbed the hand.  

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: married to robin edition

— kinda implied that robin is some "celebrity" but i kind of just enviosioned her just being a really successful writer or smth LOL

— male reader ! ! !

liked by nico.robin, nrs.husband, and 12k others

uso_pp: bro is definitely a mama's boy

tagged: nico.robin and nrs.husband

nrs.husband: well i call her mommy in bed anyway so it checks out

-> uso_pp: DEAR GOD.

dni_nami: they're both so whipped for each other, true love is real igggg

[liked by nico.robin, nrs.husband, and 90 others]

freeluffy: is it normal to be this clingy with your girlfriend...[name]'s behavior seems concerning guys ://

-> roro.zoro: it kills me how serious u seem about this

princesanji: IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MEEEE

liked by nrs.husband, dni_nami, and 30k others

nico.robin: my husband is so thoughtful - he's never forgotten to give me floewrs whenver my older ones die <3

tagged: nrs.husband

nrs.husband: if my baby loves flowers IMMA GET HER FLOWERS

-> nico.robin: and i'll treasure them each time my love

princesanji: robin, i too, remember that you love flowers - do you love me now :3?

SUPERCOLA: i thought im the ways of being a SUPPPERRR husband well

-> nrs.husband: SUPPPPEERRRR

dni_nami: were these from your garden?

-> nico.robin: yes :) he has been tending to them ever since he planted them for me so now that they're grown, he made them into a bouqet

[liked nrs.husband, roro.zoro, and 100 others]

-> dni_nami: UGH I DONT KNOW WHY I BOTHER ASKING it's too cute i might kill MYSELF

liked by nico.robin, princesanji, and 20k others

nrs.husband: before and after the event, so proud of my beautiful girl

tagged: nico.robin

nico.robin: your support means the world to me <3 i love you so much

-> nrs.husband: if you have 1000 fans, i'm one of them. if you have 100 fans, i'm one of them. if you have 10 fans, i'm one of them. if there are no more fans of nico robin in the world, then i'm dead. i love you so sososososo much more my love

uso_pp: someone check up on sanji-

-> roro.zoro: i just heard a thump from the room over, i'm gonna assume he just fell to his knees

skullnsoul: such an elegant couple - YOUNG LOVE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

-> nrs.husband: brook you're like ten years older pls ur not an old man yet LMFAO

-> nico.robin: thank you brook :)

liked by nrs.husband, dni_nami, and 20k others

nico.robin: my favorite place in the world is his arms

tagged: nrs.husband

nrs.husband: i'll start crying right now.

nrs.husband: I DONT DESERVE YOU UGH

uso_pp: photo creds robin?? cmon now my work aint free

princesanji: what did [name] do in a past life to deserve a goddess such as yourself, robin-chan?

-> nico.robin: sanji you need to move on <3

[liked by roro.zoro, dni_nami, and 400 others]

freeluffy: mama y papa :DDDD

-> nrs.husband: LUFFY LMFAOOAA

liked by uso_pp, nrs.husband, nico.robin, and 11k others

dni_nami: the one time we get to see robin and he's hogging all her attention....wtf

tagged: nico.robin and nrs.husband

nico.robin: dw nami i reserved us a girls day at the nearby resort <3

-> dni_nami: mommy? sorry, mommy? mommy? sorry...mommy??

-> nrs.husband: hello????

uso_pp: as if he doesn't get to spend eveyr waking second with her like cmon bruh

-> nrs.husband: my BADD for loving my wife jfc i cant win w u guys

nrs.husband: omg send me this photo she looks so cute here hehehe

-> dni_nami: stfu.

nrs.husband's story:

i love lovelovelovelove my beautiful wife. everyone is just jealous she's mine <333

nico.robin replied to your story: i wondered why nami just texted me she hated you — you're very cute with this story, [name]. i love you too and am glad that i can call you mine as well <333

[alipeeps]

Episode 28

OMG he is such a git! I'm love him!

Oh damn Li Lun somehow got there before them?

Your "old friend" eh? Well Wen Zongyu's definitely not going to want Princess Longyu to give Li Lun a dragon scale... cos he's counting on that poison to force Li Lun to submit to him.

Meng Xuan? Is that Wen Zongyu then? Did he go by a different name?

Oh dang, so they are blackmailing *her* to get Zhu Yan's inner core now? Jfc.

Just what DOES Wen Zongyu want the ever-burning wood for that he is willing to go to such lengths?

Uhhhh that might not be a story though?

Hahahaaaa Zhao Yuanzhou loves teasing people with flirty comments but when someone does it back to him?

Ohhh what the fuck there's a sick (pregnant?) wife and baby in Wen Zongyu's past? And he was cosying up to Princess Longyu to get a scale to heal/revive wifey? And is that what he's still trying to do with his demon experiments and his obsession with the ever-burning wood?

Ohhh so Meng Xuan was his.. apprentice? And he used his name when seducing Princess Longyu.

And... Wen Xiao's dad also called Wen Zongyu his senior? Did he also work for him?

Whyyy though would she still care to know what "Meng Xuan" wrote to her? She hated him and tried to kill him.

Oooh that's the first time I've noticed less than stellar sound production in this show. Loud atmospheric sounds of the waterfall etc and then abruptly dropped to muffled as soon as it switched to close up for a conversation.

So Zhao Yuanzhou may have promised Zhuo Yuanzhou to stop seeking death... but he's still more than willing to offer his death as a solution to any given problem.

Ugh my heart.

Oh dang, that sounds awfully familiar!!

(Although, guys, guys? Do you mind if I just maybe point out something very important that you don't seem to be considering? Zhao Yuanzhou's willingness to die for the cause aside... why has it not occurred to you to wonder what exactly Wen Zongyu wants Zhao Yuanzhou's inner core/the ever-burning wood for? Cos the answer to that question may make it imperative that he NOT get it - for any reason!!

Oh dang.

Oh fuuuuuck.... my heart....

Oh shit, once Zhuo Yichen makes up his mind, that's it. Our boy is ride or die for the Great Demon.

Seriously? They're gonna fight over this? Fall out over this?

Don't you fucking do it Zhao Yuanzhou!!

Pleeeeeease tell me this is all a clever ploy?

(I'd love for it to turn out that that whole argument about the inner core was acted out for the benefit of Chongwu camp spies, to fool them into thinking the core the Princess will bring them is real)

SO WHY GO TO ALL THAT FUCKING TROUBLE TO GET IT?!!!

Ahahahaaaa it was a set up (I sure hope that means the inner core is fake)

AHA!! I did wonder why it looked like Wen Xiao held something up but it didn't show what it was!!

Hahahaaa. Hao de.

He didn't see the fucking message and didn't know they were acting!

Mind you... to be fair to him, if he didn't know they were acting then he was the only one who didn't know Zhao Yuanzhou was fucking faking removing his inner core and sacrificing himself!!

He's sooo embarrassed cos he outright expressed his care for Zhao Yuanzhou in front of everyone...

Such fucking fondness in the way Zhao Yuanzhou looks at him!!

Oh nice girl, get your revenge...

Oh shiiitt... the way Zhao Yuanzhou reaches to comfort Wen Xiao as Princess Longyu explains that giving away her reverse scale will cause her clan to die.

Is he immune to the poison because of the demon blood experiments he's been doing all these years?

Ahhh shit he was expecting a trick and had the fake skin on so the poison never touched his skin.

I know it's not exactly honorable etc, but really guys... instead of just hanging out upstairs listening to shit go down you COULD just fucking put a few arrows in Wen Zongyu and remove his as a threat for good?

Aaaaand that's what's behind his hatred of demons and his plan to kill them all. And I am guessing that plan is what he needs the ever-burning wood for.

Dumbass

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hand-holding!!

Fuuuuck these kinds of conversations about inevitable endings do NOT bode well for the ending!!

And here's where I think the translation is a bit lacking. They keep translating it as "Don't be afraid." But what he's actually saying is "Bu yong pa". There is no use in being afraid. Which to me is not quite the same thing.

"Don't be afraid" means "Hey, don't worry/no need to worry, it'll be fine." It's reassuring.

"There is no use is being afraid" means "It's pointless being afraid, your fear serves no purpose. Things will happen the way they will regardless of your fear." It's fatalistic rather than reassuring.

Okaaaay so they are still teasing that without giving us the answer...

You FUCKERS!! WAs that a goddamn actual kiss, shown only in blurred focus from a distance?!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Well, I was gonna say there IS a fucking rush cos a) you need to save Bai Jiu and b) fucking Ao YIn is planning to steal it from you...

But to be fair Zhao Yuanzhou's got the right idea... they don't even know how to repair the damn sword...

Ying Lei is such a fucking dumbass.

"Then nothing can go wrong" Well jfc that's just tempting fate. Famous last words if ever I heard em.

Oh god pleeeease, do I really need to remind you, Ying Lei, that Ao Yin is a shapeshifter?!

(Also didn't you tag them with powder that you claimed you can use to track and identify them?)

Oh good, you're not all that stupid.

But seriously you knew Ao Yin would come for it, why would you leave only one person guarding it? And not even your strongest person at that. This is just dumb folks...

Oh? Where the fuck has this come from?

Uuuuhhh did Zhao Yuanzhou intend to let Li Lun have the dragon scale?

Or...

As I suspected!! It's not even in the box! So what is he up to? He suggested they wait to repair the sword and then he removed the scale from the box and sealed the box with a spell he knew Li Lun could break and left it guarded by only one person....

[claw-org]

The way you put it makes it sound like you never really loved your kid 😐

Anon,

While this isn't a question, I will shead some light on this situation.

Shou is my blood, regardless of difference or preference. My personal opinions on him do not negate these facts. It is legitmately impossible to deny our connection, despite both of our faulty attempts to.

To be entirely honest, reflecting on what lead to my current situation, I've had many different viewpoints cross my mind.

I am unable to claim I lack admiration for the boy, being that I do. I am nothing but tough to those I honor, for lack of a better term, and the same concept applies to myself. For those I have no desire to connect to I find myself often softening the blow of my true intentions, but for those fond to me I aspire to be brutal.

We all carry ourselves through life with a black and white outlook, whether or not we try to deny it. That being said, my output will never be understood by any of you, nor will your's be understood by myself. The world is cruel in that way.

Though, to relate to a simple explaination, however, I will say this:

I do not love anything. Love is nothing but a distraction, and I have learned this the hard way; But I have also learned that such a distraction becomes needed to become human again. Within this context, love is still foreign to me, but I aspire to adjust to accept and give it later in my life.

But to claim that I do not care for my son is purely ignorant. For if I didn't care, I wouldn't have done my damndest to teach him what I thought was best. If I didn't care, I would've left him to his mother or to my men the second I had the chance to hold him. If I didn't care I wouldn't say I had a son.

And I will always have a son, and he will always have a father.

Regards,

鈴木統一郎

ooc;

jfc i could write essays on what this means, please tell me you realize how complex this is .... ugh ... i know how to write him because it's inspired by own (lowkey shitty) father.

suzuki sucks, i do not intend to justify him AT ALL EWWWW, i hate this guy. but he is unfortunately human and i do have to write him as such. and i LOVEEE to write complex characters!!! EEK!!

also ... @shoumeyourmoves mention omg

[angrysystems]

i hate being a system bc like oh my knees hurt too much guess i'll get another guy in my head jfc i can't cope in any other way it pisses me off so much

Ugh I feel that shit.

Splitting over small stuff is the most annoying bs ever.

[storiesofsvu]

Thursday Funday!

IM SO FUCKING READY. Sometimes I do wish that rita appearances weren’t like.. advertised. I really do want an episode where I am fully not prepared and she just waltzes on screen with no warning. Like.. I’d die…

Okay, what a cold opening that was, creepy and obsessive and I like it.

“just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should.” Accurate.

I both like and hate the way AI is brought into shows now, like it’s being showcased as something that’s not great most of the time but it’s also just scary the shit they come up with that it does/can do and that stresses me out man. Its fucking terrible.

Jfc the height difference between shaw & the lieutenant LOL she so smol.

Why does olivia always look SO much better on the OTHER law and order shows except for her own.. like… cmon guys, do better

Okay the last time a captain used a rape kit dna to find a perp olivia SCREAMED in her face LOL.  But also yes this is a VERY big issue that will make victims not move forward or get kits done. But also WHY isn’t there a SEPARATE and PRIVATE database for rape kits to be a part of??!!

FUCK

(yes rita just showed up)

Oh she is BACK baby. Oh god… this is giving me theories and so many ideas of not only the gap in time that she’s been on the show (aka in court) and the drastic different physical appearance. Oh man. Oh fuck. This is gonna be my only thought all fucking weekend. Why must I go to work?!

Oh sweet jesus fuck. The delivery of the line “someone who has been *raped* before” from rita made me feel things deep in my soul (and they are things that only confirm/further my thoughts, woof) (not to mention further comments from olivia, oh god there is SO MUCH SUBTEXT HERE!) (gifs & my theories to come later this weekend!!)

We are SO BACK.

LIKE, the little quips, the head tilts, eyebrow raises, ugh YES. The acting/characterization is exactly how it should be and SPOT on.  First suit was meh, second suit was fucking fire (and pretty similar to one of the ones she wore in 25 acts). I don’t want this to be over. PLS let her come back more often.

Also this episode is honestly super good plot and writing and pacing wise so I’m here for it.

I honestly REALLY do enjoy that mothership is basically Nolan getting a strip torn off of him by women he works with every week LOL

Olivia PLEASE. If it was casey who’d gotten that guilty verdict you would’ve come in screaming. Nolan deserves it.

Rita’s suits are giving very presidential and I am here for it.

Tbh I really hoped the girl would get off but I was also very certain that wasn’t going to happen.

Why is it over already? I need more. I need so much more LOL.

Svu time…

Guys for a solid hour there I fully forgot Velasco existed. Like.. Joe who? I only know Ms Calhoun.

I’m like.. 99% sure he’s not gonna be in tonights ep LOL. Who ever would have thought of a day where I was more into OG than SVU lol

Not just a judge but a *federal* judge. Well fuck.

OP! there he is!

Yeah this is one of those super fucked up situations. I lowkey called it from the start when she said “why do you remember more about my childhood than I do?” esp when she’s the younger sister. Trauma= memory loss.

Not me sitting here going “man I really wish there was more cop/investigation in this episode” cause like, I am lowkey bored and wanted more Velasco and kate content. When 97% of the time I’m yelling “MORE COURTROOM” lolololol. This was Scanavino’s time to shine.

Bruno looking fine af though

God this shit is so fucked up.

Shoutout to peter for killin in this episode. Glad they finally gave him something to work with.

I WILL say that I do miss the courtroom sass, from ALL the lawyers. Like, a lot of people focus in on Barba being the sassy one but like, literally all the ada’s have the same if not more sass. Ms Alex “you can have a toothbrush” Cabot. Ms Casey “you’ve just got funky sperm” Novak. Do I even need to quote something from SONYA?? (ugh man I miss her, maybe I’ll watch some old svu after this…) And I’m not saying Carisi lacks this, cause he’s got it, especially in the older seasons when he was a cop. The writing is just lacking nowadays. Give them more personality PLEASE.

VERY heavy Olivia focus tonight, especially between both shows.

Still feels weird to have 4 hours of l&o cut down to only 2. Like.. what am I supposed to do now with the rest of my evening? It’s only 8? I’m just gonna sit  here in silence and fixate about rita for 9458504540549i4923 hours…

[erisolkat]

*opens my hands* tell me about Fight Club and why it makes you so mad I would like to hear <- has never seen Fight Club

HI so first. most of what makes me mad is that it's actually pretty fucking good like its been done now but it was real fucking original at the time and it's genuinely clever and funny at parts but what makes it irritating as hell is that it Knows That its smart and rubs it in the audiences face and it makes me go graahhhhh i hate you. i dont know how to explain it but it makes me mad vibes wise for the same reason that rent makes me mad. like the musical not the concept of paying rent.

also, second, it's really clear that this guy just hates women. the movie tones a lot of it down but in the book marla is like, really really in love with tyler and thats sort of her whole thing? and theres this one girl at one of the support groups i think her name was chloe. shes dying from cancer right and nobody will fuck her because chemos making her gross looking. so in the movie they set her up as a real girl with wants and needs and then soon before she dies she starts to get really desperate to get laid one last time and its like thematically relevant and parallels with tyler and the narrator or whatever. but in the book shes just horny the whole time and its like a gag? you can tell that theres just no respect for her at all.

also third the book i cant really tell if its chuck palahniuk who hates fat people or if he wants to set tyler up as a bad dude- different from the cancer girl thing, cancer girl is wrote bad but bob is viewed bad. the number of gross derogatory synonyms for 'fat' that he thinks of is astonishing.

and fourth the book is just really preachy i guess? pretentious? you can tell that mr palahniuk doesnt exactly agree with like, exploding apartments or crashing cars, but i think he really does think that tyler durden is a cool as hell dude and that men are all really sad all of the time and that its Womens Fault and also their fathers i guess. and god? and capitalism. which circles back to their fathers. and also women. poor marla jfc

finally i hate it cause the prose style wormed its little fucking wormy squirmy head into my brain and this is gonna sound crazy but my inner monologue sounds like chuck palahniuk as the narrator slash tyler durden (also slash as himself he just sounds like that) now. ive complained about this before but seriously its terminal. im dying. there should be a support group for victims of fight club the book slash the movie. everyone shows up in cosplay

also ps i mentioned this but. god he's an asshole but brad pitt is just so so hot in it. like really really hot. like it really sucks how hot he is. i saw him walk on screen and i was like 'oh you suck' but he talked for five minutes and i was like 'nevermind i want you'. free me. the lye scene with the hand kiss and the burn and the ugh it has not left my head. Kill myself.

sorry this is not coherent and i could explain it better if i was more awake. and im making a lot of ad hominim attacks against chuck palahniuk but i read some of his other shit a bit and it's not super unfounded. i would hate to meet that man at a party he talks like an asshole

also?? sorry one more thing but god the ending of the book was bad. he lived and went to a mental hospital run by project mayhem. metaphor? probably. but jesus man. im so glad they changed the movie ending to the buildings exploding. and marla at the end of the book she brought a bunch of nice people who care about him up to the roof where he was gonna shoot himself and she was like please don't kill yourself i love you. come the fuck on girl. it was like an angsty teenager wrote it. like this super hot lady who lowkey hated me before but now super loves me is telling me not to shoot myself but plot twist im actually trying to kill my evil alter ego because he's inside my brain... im crazyyy... im gonna go to a mental hospital now until i can escape again... because i blew people up.... rip tyler durden slash narrator from fight club you would have LOVED the edgy joker.

ok done now. maybe.

[queenlua]

ugh religion/politics venting

* today i read the latest in the depressingly long series of incidents in the saga of, "the Southern Baptist Convention simping for the goddamn child molesters/enablers in their own church." i know i'm phrasing that in the maximally inflammatory way; i don't care. it's not like there's a whole fucking gross awful history here or anything

anyway i have felt bizarrely emotional about it, for someone who left that church over a decade ago and has no strong attachment to it otherwise. i guess it's like, i read that article and thought to myself "jfc, where are people even going nowadays, like, if your church's senior leadership sucks that much you gotta leave, right." and i was sort of tempted to call up some of my old church-y friends and ask "ok where are you going now," but... (1) hahaha a lot of my church-y friends left all churches whatsoever a long time ago, and (2) the ones who remain, like, i'm not close enough to them to ask, right? if i called them and randomly asked them intrusive questions about their Religious Organization Feelings, they would peg me as the obnoxious chick who left to go become a coastal liberal elite and now is being a dick to them. and i mean i wouldn't be trying to be a dick but i would be being awfully nosy and presumptuous, right

anyway, my wondering about that sent me down a whole rabbithole of "which congregations are actually growing in the US nowadays anyway," and while it's gratifying to see that the SBC shrinking, i don't exactly love the growth of pentecostalism in its place, right, seeing as "pentecostal brainworms" is at least partially responsible for like 50% of my trans friends getting kicked to the fucking curb by their parents the second they Deviated From The Script. so, y'know, fuck that

i did learn that the "free will baptist" denomination skews surprisingly young and, wow, what a kickass name for a denomination. i know nothing else about them but i hope they're as cool as the image in my head

...anyway, all that idle research didn't really do much to assuage how fucking weirdly furious i am over the SBC. like, i sincerely think the SBC mostly sucks and hasn't been redeemable pretty much ever, but it was also a cultural juggernaut in my youth, and one sort of hopes one's cultural juggernauts might find some way to reform into something humane, or at least fade away with grace. it's somehow secondhand humiliating and depressing to see it devolve into what i knew was always there at its core: gross old men power-tripping and protecting their own and never never never coming down on the side of anything that felt good and right in my heart of hearts

* unrelated but since i'm being unvirtuous and Politicsing On Main anyway:

every goddamn thing i've read out of netanyahu's mouth makes me want to punch his stupid face in until his skin is paste and the paste is mush and the mush is fine little bits of organic matter to feed the soil. and still the dude will not have suffered enough. not to be former-southern-baptist or anything but: i hope keeping your precious status & deliberately inflaming the most brainpoisoned rightoids in your nation & all that other shit is worth the fires of hell that await you after buddy!!!!

i don't have a Sophisticated Take on the israel/gaza stuff, but. at the end of the day i have cultivated a caveman's sense of morality, as a reaction to my tendency to over-intellectualize, and that caveman's sense of morality imo has served me pretty well, for instance: when The Big Guy is beating the everloving shit out of The Small Guy, the thing that is happening is fucked and i don't care who started it, it's gotta stop well before, i dunno, "bombing the shit out of a bunch of kids" for fucking starters. this works for an awful lot of Big Guy vs Small Guy scenarios. try it sometime

(i hate that i even remotely feel the urge to caveat it this way but to be clear: bibi & his homicidal campaign != judaism. judsaism rules, antisemitism is bullshit. but no more fucking more kids dying in a stupid campaign, ceasefirenow etc)

[katsukikitten]

Wow I'm not gonna lie I actually fucking hate him

You were never a nice guy bud lol and then you just fucking left this girl alone in the middle of Tokyo where she's never fucking been before

Who the fuck is this guy???????

Oh my god and she was in love with him? Is she in love with him? I thought he was just a friend?

Also if this dude comes back cause he thinks he can get a crumb of this pussy like??? You already fucking left me in the middle of no where you can FUCK OFF I'm never speaking to you again

This business man is kinda hot but sketchy dude okay lmfao why were all my friends growing up her baby let me help you LMFAO Nana babes 😂

Okay yes legit this bitch is all my fucking friends growing up

But babes Shoji is obviously not a nice guy like he left you in Tokyo, granted I get him getting frustrated but leaving you in the middle of a city is crazy work

Ugh and I see this business man is a fucking cheater and she's the other woman jfc

Baby, baby no

And her friends are shit friends too why are y'all pushing them together? He's an asshole? And he's trying to fuck the first night after only just confessing????? Baby NO stop and he's like move in with me NO

He's gonna really say I love you which he obviously said is fake AND YOU'RE STILL GONNA FUCK HIM

[insanityclause]

Also not Tom related but JFC I REALLY HATE THIS GUY

https://x.com/the1975_thteam/status/1704913745196335214?s=46&t=lyucfcsRkpQ5p45ZmKRvDw

Ugh, he’s worse than Joe Jonas.

https://twitter.com/the1975_thteam/status/1704913745196335214?s=46&t=mBkx7ATbnzPLP3dPHQvC6w

[geneeste]

Genie's SG-1 Rewatch: Singularity

Season 1, Episode 15. In which I have a VERY unexpected reaction to the setup to this episode, and then cry.

PREVIEW:

6:42 THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T PUT A LITERAL WELCOME SIGN ON A PLANET ANNOUNCING YOUR PRESENCE JFC “Dear Bad Guys, the SGC has an outpost here on this defenseless planet, please come kill everyone in it and send a doomsday device in the chest of a cute, traumatized little girl to destroy the SGC and all the stuff in a several-mile radius, kthxbai”

6:46 And now I’m getting upset that I don’t think they ever deal with the fact that it’s essentially their fault Hanka showed up on the Goa’uld radar at all And not in a “sometimes our presence has unintended, unforeseeable consequences” kind of way but in a “We were homicidally negligent in our treatment of this planet” way

5:10 Yay Singularity A nice palette cleanser after Hathor, ugh Lol Daniel “it’s black and it’s a hole” This man is a PhD

5:11 I love Sam’s spiraling hand gestures describing the matter entering the black hole Very cute, if dangerous

5:12 “Actually, it’s called the accretion disc” That’s my man, Jack Not just a pretty face

5:14 HEH Daniel’s slow on the uptake there Again, this man is a PhD

5:15 HEE Sam backing Jack’s knowledge up I loooooove it And I love them Sassy squared “Not initially” ew jack

5:17 Okay, hold up though — is this the first (and I’m pretty sure the last?) time we get this like road sign for a planet?

5:18 I am very confused by this thing, because I don’t think you’d want to advertise the SGC’s presence on this planet (HI GOAULD, WELCOME TO HANKA, ENJOY YOUR STAY!) And people from the SGC would certainly know who FROM THE SGC would be there

5:19 What is exactly the point of this highway sign aside from memorializing whoever Douglas McLean is (of blessed memory, I’m sure, not trying to be mean to this person)

5:20 What a weird ass thing to put here

5:22 Teal’c spidey sense is tingling Oh no poor guy I’m glad that they’ve put Daniel through at least some basic emergency protocols He springs right into action there

5:24 So one of the things that Mr Genie and I talk a lot about is that the US military would not send just 4 people through through an alien device to unknown territory

5:26 And I also have trouble suspending disbelief a little with remote bases on other planets because it’s veeeeerrrrry unlikely there’d be just a handful of people in these places ever So like SG1 showing up and wondering where everyone is...is just not something I think would actually happen

5:30 (Another random aside: I also sometimes wonder why they picked the Air Force as the managing service for the Stargate and not, say, the Army — I get it’s the most technology-oriented of the services and I am definitely biased toward them, but the USAF doesn’t really do infantry. I would have expected to see them either hand field operations over to the Army or see Joint Operations established waaaaaay earlier)

5:32 PM Oof they’re all dead I knew that was coming, but still, that sucks

5:33 WHY IS JANET’S HAIR DOWN AND WHY IS IT DOWN OFF WORLD The military doesn’t care if you’re pretty! JFC

5:34 Although yes, damn Janet is pretty Don’t distract me, you’re out of uniform!

5:36 Ugh is that a kid? I hate that (I mean I know other kids must have died but of course it upsets me to see it) 5:37 Do we ever find out if Cassie has any siblings? I wish we’d gotten more of her backstory

5:38 I feel like the story of her life before Sam and Janet was pretty thin considering this calamitous thing that happened hahaha Teal’c is making that face!

5:40 (I always thought it was RDA that said this, but apparently it was Michael Shanks who once took Chris Judge aside and was like, “you’re a handsome guy, why are you always doing that thing with your face???”) TEAL’C IS SO GENTLE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH My heeeeeeaaaaaart 5:41 Oh Sam, please stop telling the little girl who’s entire world was basically just murdered that everything’s okay

5:43 I like that Sam gets to be soft in this episode So often characters like hers don’t get to be soft without being punished in some way for it 5:45 Okay, so here’s the thing though I get why Sam would feel that SGC died for nothing if they didn’t study the black hole BUT I don’t understand the argument she’s trying to make about the rest of HANKA At this point there’s no reason to believe their deaths have anything to do with the phenomena so her curiosity comes across as really callous and selfish

5:49 That was a good bit of camera work, seeing the gate room from Cassie’s perspective It came across as pretty daunting

5:50 Oh my god Sam, why in the world would you think leaving a little girl whose WHOLE WORLD HAS JUST DIED in a concrete room on an unfamiliar planet by herself?

5:51 This isn’t even “never been a parent before” stuff, this is BASIC HUMAN DECENCY STUFF

5:52 why is Janet’s hair STILL DOWN It is way past her collar I don’t know why this is bugging me BUT IT IS REALLY BUGGING ME

5:54 Sam drawing herself into Cassie’s picture so she knows she’s not alone kills me every. time.

5:55 Y’all ever think about Cassie was trapped by herself on a planet surrounded by the corpses of everyone she ever knew

5:57 I hate that we didn’t see the real consequences from that in the show

5:57 PM sighs forever at this shows ongoing inability to handle real fallout on screen like 99% of the time

5:58 PM The scene with Jack explaining black holes to Teal’c is very funny but totally pointless Couldn’t we have skipped this and dealt with emotional stakes instead Did we just need to remind everyone that Jack and Teal’c are still on the planet? Lol

6:01 I love that silly grabby hands thing Sam does to Cassie in the infirmary Very much something I might do to make my kids laugh

6:02 Oh Cassie

6:03 “What? What do I do?” Aaaaahhhh Sam I feel ya honey, it’s the worst

6:04 Why are they doing CPR though? Is she not breathing? They didn’t say Cassie wasn’t breathing I’m confused Okay, so now she’s intubated that was fast Not sure what’s actually wrong here but it sucks all around

6:06 There’s...nothing attached to the breathing tube Why is it there Did they mean to place an airway? I AM VERY CONFUSED BY THIS DRAMATIC MEDICAL SCENE 6:13 Okay, not for nothing, but: if the show had chosen to pivot to Janet and Sam: Adoptive Moms/Life Partners Who Solve Mysteries, they would have had at least one viewer That viewer would have been me

6:14 I know this is a serious moment but this shot with that blue lighting is very flattering to Janet, Sam, and Daniel

6:15 Okay, I’m sorry, hold up again How exactly are they visualizing or trying to remove (or whatever it is they’re doing) Cassie’s chest bomb thing? Did they cut her open??? Is it minimally invasive surgery? What exactly is happening here 6:18 Are we saying it’s an intelligent tumor/bomb I never got this part of the story 6:20 This is a really sweet moment between Sam and Daniel Daniel is actually being kind and supportive and I love him for it Good job, Daniel

6:21 I love that Jack is enthusiastic about studying the black hole But I am a little annoyed that they let him enjoy this without making fun of him for it And that he gets to be proud of his knowledge of astronomy While Sam is so often set up and then mocked for her expertise/belittled for enjoying nerdy things  BUT WHATEVER I’M NOT BITTER

6:42 THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T PUT A LITERAL WELCOME SIGN ON A PLANET ANNOUNCING YOUR PRESENCE JFC “Dear Bad Guys, the SGC has an outpost here on this defenseless planet, please come kill everyone in it and send a doomsday device in the chest of a cute, traumatized little girl to destroy the SGC and all the stuff in a several-mile radius, kthxbai”

6:46 And now I’m getting upset that I don’t think they ever deal with the fact that it’s essentially their fault Hanka showed up on the Goa’uld radar at all And not in a “sometimes our presence has unintended, unforeseeable consequences” kind of way but in a “We were homicidally negligent in our treatment of this planet” way Like, I am kind of appalled now because I can’t unsee it Did they never talk to Cassie about this? Jesus Like holy shit this is several levels of terrible that I never thought about before

6:56 That is some amazing resolution on that telescope (not satellite, lol)  (Apologies, I’m pretty salty tonight)

7:00 And now I’m feeling very conflicted about using this little girl’s trauma as drama fodder for Sam Damn, I am looking at this ep in a whole new way (And also. I don’t buy Sam’s ‘military’ excuse for having to be detached. that doesn’t make sense to me at all)

7:02 Stepping back from the hella problematic setup of this storyline (and HOO BOY IS IT A BIG ONE), lots of potential Sam/Daniel shippyness in this ep I see solid friendship here but I totally get why someone would see a ship instead

7:05 Oh, so now you’re okay with sending additional backup to defend against one little girl but a few guys to protect an entire planet and probably a million dollar’s worth of equipment after you’ve broadcast your location to your deadliest enemy is fine Got it (Man. I am genuinely surprised by my reaction to this ep. Oof.) 7:10 I am begrudgingly acknowledging that this is a good shot of SG-1 I want it on the record that I am lodging this note on their attractiveness under protest 7:11 Heh “What about the abandoned nuclear facility at—“ “Right!” I suspect that bit of dialogue was inspired by military PA’s standard response to questions about nuclear weapons facilities: “I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons at ____________.” @sharim28, 7:13 Hahaha yes convenient cut off Very smooth @geneeste, 7:14 So smooth Sam holding Cassie while she sleeps in the back of the truck is legit heartbreaking stahp I don’t want to feel things while I’m mad at you, show 7:16 Aahhhh Sam already knows she won’t be coming back up when Jack offers to take Cassie You can see it in her face That is some great acting by AT and MY HEART And I swear Jack has an inkling too It’s why he’s so insistent about the time 7:17 And that eye contact between her and Jack as the elevator doors close GAH Stupid show.

7:18 “Please, go back to sleep.” STOP IT I MEAN IT

7:19 This really is difficult to watch Poor Sam. Poor Cassie. Poor everybody.

7:21 Ahhhh Sam DON’T CRY SAM 7:22 That Jack switches from Captain Carter to Sam is just chefskiss.gif

7:23 So I love both the fact that Jack is desperately ordering Sam to come back up AND that Sam is desperately ignoring him Also perfection 7:24 (Don’t think I’ve forgotten the shitty thing you did show I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN I’M JUST TAKING A BREAK) Jack’s not leaving MY HEART 7:25 And also I love SG1 but of course Jack wouldn’t leave Cassie’s “I love you” really does feel earned here and that’s hard to do in such a short amount of time A testament to AT’s acting chops because I’m not feeling particularly charitable toward the writing right now 7:26 More great camerawork on Daniel and Teal’c I wonder who directed this ep

7:30 Mario Azzopardi — he hasn’t done much I recognize now. Peter Woeste on cinematography. Good work sirs. More good camera work on the guys 7:31 “We could have been wrong about the time.” “We could have been wrong about what would happen.” I love the drama but I’m mad about it 7:32 He switched to Sam again! I can’t wait to listen to this podcast ep of Chevrons Locked 7:34 PM Yes Daniel’s celebratory slap at Teal’c HA I love it 7:35 Why are we insisting on putting Sam in mom clothes Although I’m loving Teal’c's fashion

7:36 “A mother’s instinct, perhaps.” “Subtle, but no.” That is such a great little moment between Teal’c and Sam

7:38 Jack not so subtlety ushering the dog and the guys away

7:38 So sweet Big old softy Pretty sure that dog is walking Jack, but whatever

7:40 Sweet ending

7:41 I will never look at this episode or the whole storyline leading up to Cassie’s appearance the same way again, though Phew. That was an unexpected ride

7:42 Um. I just looked it up. Katie Stuart (Cassie) is a year older than me. Wut. the actress is frozen in my brain at 13 so this is very weird to discover

[lapozuelo-reads]

Ugh ok so there's this book series I've been reading just for fun, it's about college romance and I'm on the last one but it's giving me a serious headache so I'm letting out my feelings here just to vent bc jfc this book is so dumb.

The series is called Franklin U and it's mlm romance, the last one is called Football Royalty and is, in my opinion, the worst out of all 8 books. So if you have any intentions to read the book, maybe don't read this review? Tho i highly encourage you to skip it lmao but maybe that's just me bc in GR it has one of the highest ratings out of all the series.

I added a read more bc turns out I had a lot to say.

So i want to start by saying that i thought, based on the reviews, that this would be one of the better ones like,, most books in this series were fun if a little silly but i truly enjoyed them and got really invested with some of the relationships, but def not this one, i was struggling. Truly. I mean... the setting was so stupid but i was willing to ignore that, if only the characterization wasn't so under cooked, the dialogue so extremely cringe, the characters motivations made a little sense, like give me something!? I literally only finished reading bc i wanted to complete the series and sometimes the book said something so stupid that it would make me chuckle here and there but seriously this wasn't worth it, like at all.

Starting with the plot, the whole story hinges on basically 1 (one) hook up that both MCs had towards the end of high school, which imo was pretty mediocre, and then somehow neither of them getting over it for 4 (FOUR) years, whAT. When i say 1 hook up, i mean just that like they weren't friends, before or after, not a crush or anything, they had 1 hook up and then they couldn't get over it for 4 YEARS. Then one of them shows up, like a stalker, 4 years later and they start talking like they were exes or had any type of relationship prior??????? So anyways, after we establish that level of flimsy connection between the two of them, they very quickly and i mean extremely quickly start having a fwb relationship because of course, and then the whole conflict of the story is that Peyton doesn't know how to have a relationship and a career at the same time so he starts chicken out until he suddenly decides he actually can, oh and Levi is keeping a secret from his family that i would say should be a bigger problem but it really isn't and it gets resolves in the least satisfying way possible.

And, idk what this author was going for, most books in this series have some kind of continuation with the others but this book acts like Learning Curve (the 6th and one of the best books in the series imho) doesn't exist? That book also deals with a guy who plays football and starts dating another guy, and he even shows up in this book (since he's teammates w this book's MC) but they never talk about it???

So, about the characterization, idk what else to say other than it's terrible. There's a theme in this series that I don't really like where there's a bunch of characters with money but none of them actually like having money (ugh) and act like they are lower class to, i guess, be relatable or something? It happens in almost every book for some reason. So obviously this one is no different, in this case it's both of them (the MCs) but Levi is the trust fund baby who was made to go to Harvard to study law even though he wants to do art, and he obviously hates having so much money, has class consciousness (which he learned who knows where) and acts like seeing expensive things is new to him and not something he literally grew up with???? I feel like there's ways to treat these types of characters (Gansey from The Raven Boys for example) but his character makes no sense whatsoever, also once he's made to work (due to reasons he somehow didn't foresee coming) he literally crumbles and suddenly acting poor isn't so cute anymore. I didn't know i had this many problems with this character but now that i started typing i can't stop, there's so much more stupid shit he does jc like how he decided to move across the country and switch careers hoping that a hook up he had 4 years ago and who he fucking rejected would still want to be with him????? hello?????? dude was truly delulu

Then there's Peyton, who was raised by 2 bisexual football player fathers, has a gay brother and gay uncle, but somehow admitting he's bisexual is super difficult (which would be fine if there was a single reason why he couldn't other than his family would tease him about it). The worst part about him is that he's super bland, sometimes I'd forget whose pov i was reading bc his voice and Levi's would just sound the same to me. He also has everything handed to him but he acts like life's so difficult it's giving me a headache, also in that regard Levi is exactly the same. And he's soooo selfish, it does get pointed out like once but he's like so annoyingly selfish, even his grand romantic gesture towards Levi was sooo selfish. Ugh there's so many instances where i just had to stop reading the book and walk around my house bc of how annoyed i got.

The rest of characters are just completely in the background, the closest to somehow being relevant to the plot is Peyton's brother Brady who is poly but in denial for some reason i still can't understand bc it never gets explained (unless it happened at the end bc by that point i was full on skipping pages.)

And now that i'm done typing all this, i feel like what's the point of anything... anyways

[alipeeps]

Episode 29

Oh dang so Yichen knew right from the get go that Zhao Yuanzhou had taken the scale out of the box.

Exactly this!!

(And he's gonna be stuck in that danger whilst you guys all stand around having a leisurely conversation about this!)

Pretty sure he wants it for you girl...

Will you PLEASE go fucking rescue Ying Lei?!!

Oh wait what? Bai Yan kept the baize token?

Well how the fuck did that happen? Did Li Lun do it during the brief time he had possession of it?

Ooooh so they didn't kiss in the previous ep, it was just a forehead touch... and sneaky Zhao Yuanzhou used it as a chance to do a quick health check on her...

Oh shiiit that don't sound good?

So now we have yet another dilemma! Restore the sword (and save Bai Jiu)... or save Wen Xiao?

Oh fuck, of course... she needs them to restore the sword to save her son...

Oh. Fair do's, I did her an injustice...

Oh fuck yeah... that is NOT a power that you want Li Lun to have control of...

Ugh Zhao Yuanzhou's faaaaace.... 😭

All this time she's been worrying about everyone else dying - Zhao Yuanzhou, Zhou Yichen, Bai Jiu... and it turns out she is the one who is going to die first...

I feel like it needs to be pointed out here... to Li Lun in particular... that it's Bai Jiu's body that is poisoned. If he doesn't want to die... he could move to another, non-poisoned, body. Sure, Bai Jiu's body was the perfect type of body for him, with him being descended from a tree god etc, but like... anything's better than dead, right? If Ao Yin really was willing to die to save him, he could put his core in her and possess her?

God damn Li Lun, you're a self-pitying fuck. You literally did all of this to yourself...

Oh righto, fucker's planning to go out in a blaze of glory...

Every previous baize goddess has taken on an apprentice to pass the torch onto though haven't they? She hasn't. Maybe she should, before it's too late.

Love how the minute they've got a confirmed diagnosis she is suddenly deteriorating/showing symptoms...

Fair point girl.

Yeah and it also chose YOU dumbass, didn't it?!!

YESSSS RIP THAT FUCKING CONTRACT UP!!

(Then kiss, damn you)

😭

Welp, you're dying anyway girl, might as well ride that demon while you still can.

So surprise surprise it was fucking Wen Zongyu behind it all again. Ugh I hate this guy so much.

So... lemme guess... he can cure her... if you give him Zhao Yuanzhou's core?

Oh so Wen Xiao and Bai Jiu are poisoned with the same thing?

BINGO

Problem is, if you offer that solution to Zhao Yuanzhou, he WILL fucking offer up his core to save Wen Xiao. You know it.

Oh fucking hell, we ALSO need Zhao Yuanzhou's core to fix the fucking sword. Jfc, can the gang ever get a break?

Is there a single fucking dilemma in this show where the solution is NOT Zhao Yuanzhou needs to die?

Oh fuuuck so they can use the ever-burning wood without killing Zhou Yuanzhou... but it will leave him weak and unable to use his power for a while.

That sounds like an excellent whump scenario to me, bring it on!!! 😁

(Also though... will using the ever-burning wood for this purpose like... use it all up? Cos that's the only reason Wen Zongyu even wants the core, right?)

BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!!! 😂😂😂

Oooohhhh....

He's such a little shit. I love him so much.

He's crushing jade for him?

My fucking heart....

SINCE I CHOSE TO BE YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND

FUCKING KILL ME NOW

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCKING ZIJI. THEY FUCKING WENT THERE!!

Yeah nice thought but that ain't gonna happen is it

This is sounding awfully like goodbye, Zhou Yichen. Like you are thanking him for everything he's done for you before... before...

God the fucking affection in the way he looks at Zhou Yichen

Thank you for your... life-saving grace? As in... giving up your life to save Wen Xiao?

I fucking KNEW IT!!!

Oh GOD he just opens his arms to let him do it....

Ohhhhh fuuuuck did he manage to draw the ever-burning wood from Zhao Yuanzhou's core into the sword? Cos that's what Wen Zongyu actually wants. not the core itself...

Oh well that makes it all SO much better Zhao Yuanzhou!!!

BUT HAVE ANY OF YOU ever fucking stopped to wonder WHY he wants the ever-burning wood and what he intends to do with it?

Cos he has straight up admitted his plan is to destroy ALL demons. And it's a pretty sure bet that he needs the ever-burning wood for that exact plan.

Like... I know you want to save Wen Xiao and Bai Jiu but please.. a little critical thinking here?

Personally I'd want to try out the antidote and make sure it fucking works before I'd give him shit!

Of course Ao Yin fucking appears and swipes the antidote.

Well, Wen Zongyu made the antidote, he can fucking make more. Snatch that ever-burning wood back and make him come back with more.

Ah yeah, stab that fucker! Damn right Yichen!

Meanwhile... you've left Ao Yin unsupervised with the precious antidote on the ground near her...

Well that was stupid! Couldn't happen to a more-deserving fellow though... Bye bye Wen Zongyu, you were the worst.

Will you PLEASE go get the antidote instead of just standing there watching the dude burn up?!!

Aaaand it's empty anyway. Surprise surprise the fucker double-crossed 'em.

Yeah I had a feeling that would be the case.

Oh here we go... so who's gonna volunteer to save Wen Xiao? Zhao Yuanzhou or Zhuo YIchen? Ao Yin will definitely volunteer to save Li Lun.

There she goes.

Why did Li Lun suddenly collapse though?

So. End of ep 29 and the Chongwu camp bad guy is dead and along with him, hopefully, his plot to kill all demons. The Cloud Light Sword is restored and you've got an unconscious Bai Jiu/Li Lun right there so tie/lock that bad boy up and you can sever his primordial spirit and save Bai Jiu as soon as Zhou Yichen gets back.

That just leaves the thorny issue of which demon is gonna sacrifice themself to detoxify Wen Xiao...