angrysystems

[angrysystems]

I am so scared and angry and hurt and I just feel… bad. I feel bad. I am not supposed to feel this way! I am our primary gatekeeper, I can’t let these emotions consume me, I can’t let myself feel these things! But I am so scared, I am so scared. I am a rabid feral dog and I have teeth and claws and I am so scared, and so dangerous. And my fear slowly turns to anger inside me. It claws and bites and scrapes and demands to be felt but I do not want to feel it, I am not ready to feel it, I keep telling myself *they need me*. My headmates- my *family*- need me. I cannot succumb to these emotions and so I try to turn them off but they linger inside me and I grow angrier and more rabid and I know I will eventually hurt someone who really does not deserve it. It is so hard being a grown up in a kids body and then growing up to become a kid in a grown ups body. It’s hard and no one understands and that itself makes me angry.

perhaps I can claim 💣🐾 anon? I will be here a lot I fear :(

I don’t want to say much as this is pretty heavy, and I haven’t experienced this.

Just know that you’re doing your absolute best, and that will ALWAYS be enough. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without feeling shame or guilt.

You’re allowed to be happy.

You’re allowed to be sad.

You’re allowed to be angry.

[angrysystems]

I had a different system tell me they wish their system was "like mine" because of how we present our system and because host has been front locked for 6 years.

I was gonna go on a rant. But honestly fuck that.

Hey guys even if you are mentally ill never tell another mentally ill person you want "their version of the mental illness" because they don't present the "worse symptoms" to you. Or because they suffer in a way that you think would benefit you.

Maybe have some fucking common sense.

That’s so fucking weird???

It really is common sense not to fucking compare mental illness and severities of those illnesses.

NEVER FUCKING DO THIS. Not only does it harm yourself, but it harms others.

[angrysystems]

its weird how I don't quite experience flashbacks anymore. I just randomly get angry at people for what they did to me when when I try to remember what, my brain stops me, even though I knew it's there.

But instead I just get mad at what I can't fix

-host from 🪶

Sadly I know this all too well.

It sucks not knowing exactly what happened to you, but at least you know your brain is trying to help. Try and give yourself a little grace! Not remembering is quite literally exactly what this disorder is!

[angrysystems]

Fuck our ex

First of off she forced us to tell her about the system, then claimed she was also a system after she did no research (I don't want to say she's faking it bc I can't say she was but it was all really sketchy), one of us ghosted her for a while bc they hated her and became host for a while, which I get being upset at, but then told us to stop faking the alters and the system when we never wanted to tell her anyways

theres so much shit with her, like how we met her when we were14 and she was 18, but not system related so we won't talk abt that

But anyways just fuck her for that and fuck her for harming us

(If this isn't allowed here pls let us know or delete it)

[Please correct me if this was supposed to be anon! I can edit it!]

That’s so shitty. She groomed you.

None of that shit was your fault, that’s solely on her. I’m so fucking glad she’s your EX and not girlfriend.

Fuck her. That’s fucking disgusting.

I’m so sorry!

[angrysystems]

i've been fronting alone for exactly twenty eight days and i cannot do this shit anymore. our communication as a system is the fucking worst but there's usually a "sensation" of someone else being in my head, or at least i can feel their presence when i'm looking at something that interests them, but it's been radio silent for almost a month now and i'm going CRAZY!!!!!!!! i feel like a fucking singlet !!!!!! why would we have protectors if they're leaving me alone to deal with stuff i can't take !!!!!!!!!!!! i am so fucking afraid of splitting because that is triggering as shit for me !!

Ugh I’m so sorry!

Being front stuck is the absolute fucking worst. It’s stressful, lonely, and exhausting.

I really hope things start getting better for you! You’re definitely not a singlet, you’re still valid. This is just an extra rough patch. Maybe try positive triggers and see if anyone starts communicating? Journaling and SP helps us a lot!

Please keep us updated!

[angrysystems]

was on a cdd focused subreddit earlier (first mistake i know) and people were accusing this one poster of trying to glorify dissociative disorders or "make it into a game" because god forbid op try to see their disorder in a positive light, while also being pro recovery????? GOD FORBID THEY TRY TO FIND HAPPINESS IN FUNCTIONING AS A SYSTEM??? they were downvoted to hell for no reason. (if its not entirely obvious im on op's side)

- 🗝

(On a lighter note, how's everyone's day? Are we holding up okay?)

What the actual hell?? Guess we aren’t even allowed to be fucking happy now!! /s

Why are those fucking subreddits so focused on systems being miserable 24/7? That’s like saying people with depression can’t be depressed because you seen them smile once. It’s fucking bullshit.

WE ARE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY

WE ARE ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY

WE ARE ALLOWED TO BE SAD

But…! We’re doing pretty okay today. (: Was able to get a snack in and now just relaxing responding to asks! We hope everyone is having an amazing day!

[angrysystems]

oh and on the topic singlets being weird we have a story:

our factive of a youtuber we love decided to sit and chat in a server where that youtubers friend owns, and when he started talking about how hes a factive and someone in the server says “blank is hot” not the content creators name, the name of our factive

this women was in her 40s, we are fucking 19, he had to sit there horrified and used, because she felt like she had to say that to him

-🪐🏹

Oh my god??

That’s actually so fucking sick? There’s absolutely no excuse for that. AND IT WAS COMPLETELY RANDOM. The age gap is HUGE, especially when considering the mentality of a 19 year old compared to a 40 year old.

[Ps. I am getting all your asks! I just have a full inbox(56) and trying to get through them all. (,: Pss. You’re absolutely no bother to keep sending them! I’ll get to them when I can! I love having a full inbox.]

[angrysystems]

The parts talk, sigh, the system who fakeclaimed us like multiple times in that group uses part talk and I feel bad for some of the alters in their system because the host tries fronting for as long as possible and when the others get a chance to front they can finally express themselves but still, like, LET YOURSELVES BREATHE, final fusion is an okay route to take but you're not going to achieve that if you're still in a stressful environment -⭐

DON’T FORCE RECOVERY!

Final fusion is one of the routes that you can take during your recovery, but this is not possible if you refuse to listen to the other alters! Final fusion is a team effort and as corny as it is, there’s no “i” in team.

(Fuck them for fake claiming you though.)

[angrysystems]

Fuck our ex

First of off she forced us to tell her about the system, then claimed she was also a system after she did no research (I don't want to say she's faking it bc I can't say she was but it was all really sketchy), one of us ghosted her for a while bc they hated her and became host for a while, which I get being upset at, but then told us to stop faking the alters and the system when we never wanted to tell her anyways

theres so much shit with her, like how we met her when we were14 and she was 18, but not system related so we won't talk abt that

But anyways just fuck her for that and fuck her for harming us

(If this isn't allowed here pls let us know or delete it)

[Please correct me if this was supposed to be anon! I can edit it!]

That’s so shitty. She groomed you.

None of that shit was your fault, that’s solely on her. I’m so fucking glad she’s your EX and not girlfriend.

Fuck her. That’s fucking disgusting.

I’m so sorry!

[angrysystems]

I just want to say that I appreciate this blog a lot, it feels good to vent somewhere where I feel safe and supported. Hope you get to enjoy your favorite things whether that be a game, snack, etc, hope you have a good day :D -⭐

Thank you!! ♥️

It means a lot to me that so many people find this blog to be a safe space.

[angrysystems]

I'M NOT A "PART" I AM A PERSON!! STOP TELLING ME I'M NOT! YEAH WE SHARE A BODY BUT WE'RE NOT ALL THE SAME PERSON! WE'RE DIFFERENT FUCKING PEOPLE! I'M NOT A PIECE OF A PUZZLE. I'M NOT A BROKEN SHARD. I AM A PERSON WITH A PERSONALITY, NOT LESS THAN. I DON'T HAVE TO BE HUMAN. I DON'T HAVE TO BE ONE. I AM MYSELF, NOT MY HEADMATES, I AM AN ALTER, NOT A PART. FUCKING HELL STOP CALLING US LESS THAN A PERSON, JUST BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE "A SOLID, WHOLE PERSONALITY" DOESN'T MEAN OUR PERSONALITIES ARE LESS MEANINGFUL! WE HAVE INTERESTS, LIKES, DISLIKES, DIFFERENT WAYS WE INTERACT, IDENTITIES! ALL OF THEM DIFFERENT FROM THE NEXT! WE ARE PEOPLE! NOT PERSON! PEOPLE! i'm getting so tired of people telling me i'm not a person, tired of people telling me what i am and what i'm not. just because you're one person with one body doesn't mean we have to be.

You’re so right!!!

Let people express their system experiences how they see fit. You don’t have to be a “part”, you don’t have to be shard, a piece to a puzzle.

[I don’t have much to say because you said everything perfectly, i believe many people think this way and can relate without my commentary.]

You can be whoever and whatever you see fit.

Don’t let ANYONE take that away from you.

[angrysystems]

I hate people telling me to just "control my anger" when I'm having a bpd split(I'm a bpd holder). I told our ex that I was sorry for a split and they replied with that. So I said "Easier said than done..." And they replied with "It really isn't..." In a condescending tone. I fucking hate it why can't you learn more about our disorders when you said you cared for us!! (Could we have the sign off 🌟🍓?)

I wish people would research their partner’s disorders before getting into a serious relationship with them. It causes harm to both sides if you have no idea how to comfort someone with BPD, or if you don’t know the basic fucking symptoms like extreme anger.

Do your fucking research!!!

[angrysystems]

Harassing me, calling me slurs, and other derogatory terms in my inbox while you’re on anon mode doesn’t affect me!

You’re making yourself look like an idiot. For the best interest of everyone, shut the fuck up! I made one post on endos that wasn’t even fully negative in nature, and now I have endos/pro-endos in my inbox (anon btw) insulting me and sending me essays about how ableist I am.

You’re proving my point. Endos are unable to take criticism without sending slurs, death threats, and insults at the opposing party.

ENDOS DNI

I’m fucking sick of this shit.

[angrysystems]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

thats it, that's the ask, just screaming into the void, anyways thank you

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(average system experience)

[angrysystems]

Persecutor moment... I don't wanna be here

Me rn

[angrysystems]

There’s no way a pro endos called me an abuse for…lemme check this shit…saying you can’t be ableist to endos cause they’re not disabled. Yeah. The same mfers that say they’re non-disordered? You can’t…you can’t be ableist if it isn’t a disability bro.

Ehem, anyways…

FUCK ENDOS, ALL YOU DO IS HARM ALREADY TRAUMATIZED PEOPLE!

(May I claim 🥀 anon? Because I know my ass is gonna be back here)

But you’re… right????

If Endos claim to be non-disordered plural how the fuck are you ableist to them. Like you said, you can’t be ableist to someone who doesn’t have a disorder!

Endos be normal!!! PLEASE

[angrysystems]

Not exactly a vent, just that I saw the new answered anon with ur response and I wanna say: as a system that has alters that are fictionkin; we ARE NEVER weird with other systems, we just treat them like other individuals. Like, hello x! Why are singlets so FUCKING WEIRD?? I remember knowing another C-DID system who always asked OUR DORMANT FORMER HOST TO FRONT AND GOT AN INTROJECT OF OUR FORMER HOST AND OBSESSED OVER THE INTROJECT. Even some systems can be... odd -⭐

Ugh sadly it’s not even just singlets. Soooo many systems do this shit too.

Stop asking random systems to switch for you! No, I will not switch out just because you want to talk to one of our fucking fictives. You’re stuck with me, bitch.

It’s not hard to be normal and treat fictives/introjects like normal people!!

That’s fucking insane though??? Literally formed an introject over it too… That’s fucking obsession. What a creep.