#Maybe everything happens for a reason but sometimes the reason is shit etc

[hephaestuscrew]

Pan-Pan, Boléro, and Minkowski's different responses to loss

I want to compare two key lines of Minkowski's which indicate very different responses to grief:

In Ep29 Pan-Pan, Minkowski breaks down and says "Doug Eiffel is gone! There was nothing we could do to save him. It wasn't anyone's fault. It's horrible, and pointless, and it just happened."

In contrast, after arriving at the funeral in Ep46 Boléro, she says "[Lovelace, Hilbert and Maxwell are dead] to make the fact that we're not gone yet important. They're gone... so that we never forget how important it is that we're still here." 

TL;DR: In Pan-Pan, Minkowski expresses her unprocessed grief through despair and hopelessness. Whereas in Boléro, she is able to find hope in the loss and lead her crew in trying to move forward. I suggest a significant reason of the difference is the presence of Eiffel to force Minkowski to confront and process the sense of loss.

Pan-Pan: "It's horrible, and pointless, and it just happened"

In Pan-Pan, the whole episode is full of anger and despair, but Minkowski speaking about the horrible pointlessness of losing Eiffel is one of the most painful and hopeless moments. It doesn't feel like she's really speaking to the others. She's focused on her internal despair (as suggested by the fact that she goes on to talk about the cracks, which Lovelace and Hilbert aren't supposed to know about).

The only potentially positive thing Minkowski says here is her recognition that "it wasn't anyone's fault". When Hera and Hilbert have been blaming Lovelace, and Minkowski has been blaming herself, it's significant that she acknowledges that sometimes a horrible thing just happens without there being anyone to blame. 

But in this context, and in the tone of voice Minkowski uses, even the lack of blame doesn't really feel like a positive thing. If Eiffel becoming stranded was just pointless and random, if there was nothing any of them could have done to save him, then the next tragedy might be just as unpredictable and unpreventable. Minkowski strikes me as the kind of person who can sometimes fall into the trap of subconsciously wishing that the awful thing is her fault because then at least she'd have control over something. In her train of thought here, the lack of blame is followed by focusing on how horrible and pointless what happened to Eiffel was. The only conclusion she can draw is "it just happened". There's no sense of hope in those lines. Eiffel being stranded just happened, and so do the cracks, and the crew are at the whims of brutal fortune with no meaning to any of it.

Boléro: "They're gone... so that we never forget how important it is that we're still here"

In Boléro, Minkowski can't even say that the tragedy wasn't anyone's fault. For each of the deaths, someone pulled a trigger. There is blame, and some of it lies at her feet. She didn't want to come to the funeral because at first she didn't know what she could say about the deaths she feels responsible for.

Yet even so, this time she finds something reassuring she can say to her crew, a grain of hope she can provide without attempting to diminish the loss: "[they're gone] to make the fact that we're not gone yet important. They're gone... so that we never forget how important it is that we're still here."

In another show, or another context, this kind of line might have had an 'everything happens for a reason' tone, which is something I deeply dislike as a response to other people's loss. But it doesn't feel like that's what Minkowski is saying here at all. She isn't trying to make any grand philosophical statement about the ultimate beneficence of the universe, or about how mortality gives meaning to human life. What she says here is working on a much more personal level. It's more about finding something other than despair that the crew can take from what has happened. This tragedy may still be horrible, but it provides a reminder that they are still alive in a context where that's far from guaranteed. Minkowski emphasises that the fact the survivors are alive matters - her crew matters. I'd argue that this contrasts with the 'it just happened' outlook discussed above. 

I don't know how much Minkowski fully feels the importance of them still being there in the moment, but it's something that she can offer her crew, something that she can say in a situation that words can't grasp. I think the moment when she joins the funeral is such a key moment of her leadership. In the end, despite her doubts and struggles, she's there for her crew. Eiffel brought them together for a funeral, but he doesn't know what to say when Hera asks why they have to be gone. Minkowski enters just at the right moment to support her crew and she provides an answer to Hera's question. It's not a perfect answer, but it allows the funeral to move forward. It allows the crew to move forward (even if that emotional movement is somewhat thrown off by a dramatic change in the circumstances). Minkowski starts off the eulogies; she leads her crew in the acknowledgement of what's been lost.

Why such a difference in responses?

There's lots of ways you could interpret the difference between the outlook of these two moments, and there's probably more to say about it though the lens of Minkowski's character development than I'm going to say here. But for me, the main difference between these moments is that, in Pan-Pan, it feels like no processing or recognition of grief has really occurred. When Minkowski says "Doug Eiffel is gone!", it almost feels like the first time that Minkowski has fully confronted and acknowledged the loss. Eiffel has been lost in space for 116 days, but it's only at the end of this episode that Minkowski brings herself to say in her distress calls that he is "presumed dead". Whereas in Boléro, she's already eulogising the dead and thinking about what can be learned from the loss, not even a full day after the mutiny.

Obviously there is much less ambiguity to a body bag (or least there would be, if not for alien interference). But I can't help thinking that the difference between the attitudes towards loss which Minkowski displays in these two quotes is less about the difference in the kind of loss, and more about a situation that prompted and enabled the processing of emotions in Boléro: namely, the funeral. After Eiffel was stranded in space, I think Minkowski probably went months without looking her grief in the eye. But after the deaths of Lovelace, Hilbert, and Maxwell, Eiffel's suggestion of a funeral forces Minkowski to confront her complicated emotions and provides a space in which she can offer direction to her grieving crew.

This is a good illustration of how I think Minkowski and Eiffel complement and support each other in a really valuable way. On his own, Eiffel couldn't provide the leadership that the crew needed for the funeral to work. But without Eiffel, and his determination to recognise the emotional weight of the three deaths, the funeral would never have happened and Minkowski would never have been in a position to provide hope and direction to her crew. When Eiffel was the one the Hephaestus crew were grieving, Minkowski couldn't offer much emotional direction to her crew beyond despair. But when Eiffel is beside her in the grief, saying that the grief deserves to be felt, then Minkowski can find a way for them to move forward emotionally. It's not the deaths that remind them how important it is that they are still here. It's the grief. It's the ability to confront that grief together.

[torasplanet]

❝𝙎𝙏𝙐𝙋𝙄𝘿 𝙎𝙇𝙐𝙏.ᐟ❞

BONTEN + BIMBO!F. READER

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ; you didn't plan on showing your new tattoo to save your ass but this wouldn't have happened in the first place if you weren't being such a stupid slut in the club!!

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 ; smut, gangbang/groupsex, rough sex, sloppy sex, degradation, praise sorta, p in v, oral (reader giving), handjobs, anal, like a lot of sex, voyeurism, belly-bulging, reverse cowgirl, dumbification, humiliation, recording, jealousy sex, reader wears makeup, petnames (baby, dollface, princess, etc), UNEDITED and skin color not mentioned

It wasn’t your fault. You just wanted to have fun at the club for once because finally, none of the Bonten members were looming over your shoulder like a hawk because they had ‘different’ business to attend to, well that’s what they told you. Still, you knew that just meant they were going to kill someone or something like that. It’s not exactly ‘okay’ to do that but you were kind of glad it was happening because usually, they didn’t even let you have more than three shots at the club; Haruchiyo sometimes snuck you one more or let you get a bit of his coke but that’s it and you weren’t able to actually go clubbing. Regardless of what you took, you still had to sit next to them wherever they went and by the slight chance that they’d allow you to, someone would go with you.

They were so protective that it was annoying. Couldn’t even talk to the bartender without Koko or Takeomi coming behind you draping their arm somewhere on your body and asking what you were doing. So of course you weren’t paying attention to shit when you were finally left alone.

As you danced with your friend, running your hands all over your body and smoothing down the fabric of your short dress to the rhythm of the music. Your tongue hanging out and everything with your eyes closed; you were lost in the moment. So lost that you didn’t realize your friend was no longer behind you and instead, there was a guy. And yes, you will admit that maybe you should have noticed this or at least looked back at your friend but it’s still not entirely your fault! If you leave your cat in front of a open door, they’re gonna leave without a second though so what did they expect you to do?

But when you heard your name getting called and saw Mikey and Rindou glaring at you hatefully, you realized that there’s a reason why cats are supposed to be kept inside. Well, you didn’t realize that immediately because at first, you just didn’t understand why they were all ignoring you. After all, they weren’t explaining anything…you hated it when they did that. They knew you weren’t the brightest so you spent practically the entire walk to the car, and when you got in the car, begging Mikey just to explain to you but he stayed silent. Barely spared you a glance and everyone else did the same.

You sat on Mikey’s side staring at him with a frown on your face just wanting him to pay you some attention and tell you what you did wrong. “Mikey, please…’m just confused.” You whined grabbing hold of his arm. You’d been begging the entire time and he hadn’t even said anything to you, only pushing you away. Hell, you even took off your heels to run after him and the rest of the guys on your way out of the club because they were ignoring you purposefully and walking fast as hell. Probably by the orders of Mikey.

Ran sighed and ran his nimble fingers through the multi-colored strands of his hair “Shut the hell up, god.” He said with a groan and Haruchiyo chuckled, his diamond-shaped scars on the sides of his mouth stretching.

“Can’t really expect her to be quiet can you? I mean baby girl just confused, ain’t you?” The pink-haired man said turning his attention to you and you nodded violently as Mikey pushed you away from him. You quickly hopped over to the green-eyed man who was welcoming you with open arms to sit on his lap while Takeomi grumbled about Haruchiyo’s sweet spot for you which was ridiculous for him to say.

If anything, Haruchiyo was the most sadistic out of them all. Shoving a gun down your throat and making you suck on it, inviting you into the execution room and making you shoot one of the traitors knowing how sensitive you were about that and that you were going to cry about the blood and how it splashed on you. He only did shit like this when everyone else was mad to piss them off even if he was just as mad. Kokonoi, Kakucho, and Rindou were the ones with the soft spots (any maybe Mikey just a bit) but that’s for another time…

“Haru, what did I do…? Tell me.” You asked into his ear whilst wrapping your arms around his neck, you really wanted someone to tell you what you did wrong so you could make up for it. Haruchiyo merely shrugged at you with a sick grin on his face, you turned your head to locate the heterochromatic-eyed male who was always sure to stick up for you when everyone else was being so mean. “Kaku…” You muttered standing up from Haruchiyo’s lap while he tried to get a glance under your dress. Kakucho merely sighed as you plopped down onto his lap looking at him with those wide teary eyes.

He felt bad, he really did but it was your turn to learn. Almost every punishment, he was there for you; kakucho always went soft on you and praised you but he couldn’t do that this time.

This wasn’t a just normal thing you did like annoying everyone, it was more than that and he was upset too. So he stayed silent. “Sorry pretty.” He muttered placing his hands on your hips. You opened your glossy lips to let out pleas and whines once again not even noticing the sound of the safety of a gun clicking off.

“Shut the fuck up,” Mikey said in an unnaturally soft tone interrupting whatever you were going to say. Your head turned to look at him to ask why he was being so mean but your eyes widened seeing his gun pointed right at you. Mikey’s finger was nowhere near the trigger but you didn’t look at small shit like that, you saw a gun in your face and you went quiet. It’s hard to keep talking when Bonten’s leader has a gun pointed at your forehead.

You stared at Mikey with your lips parted slightly in shock. Ran grinned in amusement at this as did Haruchiyo and Koko but everyone else had a straight face waiting for more to happen and wondering what you would do. Would you keep talking like a dumbass or shut up? It was always a surprise which one you’d choose. “Hopping from lap to lap asking what you did wrong like a stupid slut. If no one’s answering you that means we don’t want to hear your fucking mouth!” Mikey shouted making you flinch and shut your eyes.

“While we were doing our job, we got word that you’re in the club acting as if no one fucking owns you all over some fuckhead; so I had to stop our meeting mid-way because clearly, you have no fucking brain in there!” Mikey said with a frown decorating his face, he was clearly pissed off at you. More than anyone else and it made sense. You may have been Bonten’s whore but in the end, you were Mikey’s, you went home with him, and slept in the bed with him beyond sex so of course he was the most upset about it.

It didn’t matter what you had to say about the situation and thinking that it was your friend because it wasn’t making Mikey any less angry. It wasn’t making any of them less angry at you.

“But–” “Get the fuck over here.” Mikey interrupted you with a demand which you were hesitant to oblige to. You didn’t even get a chance to look at Kakucho or anyone for help because the Hitto man gently slapped your bottom before taking his hands away from your hips signaling you to listen to Mikey. You hesitantly stood to your feet and slowly walked over to the white-haired man with your hands balled up in fists. Mikey tilted the gun down in a direction for you to get on the ground and you nervously played with the hem of your dress.

Staring up at him with your mascara-coated lashes just waiting for him to give you a direction made him rock hard “I’m tired of hearing your excuses, you’re gonna stuff your mouth until I feel like hearing you. Understand?” Mikey asked. You were lucky really. Usually, when Mikey was this upset at you, he wouldn’t ask if you understood or not and just would’ve shoved your head down on his cock because you had no choice but to not understand. But you still had something to say.

Maybe if you told him about the new tattoo you got, he’d stop being so mad at you. You got the Bonten tattoo right on your pelvis and was just waiting for the moment to show them all; this was not the time you planned but it’d hopefully get them off your ass about this situation. You hooked your fingers on his boxers and pants, pulling them down slowly debating if he’d let you live long enough to even mention the tattoo once you opened your mouth. Blinking up at him ignoring the gun above your gaze, you grew nervous but still decided to speak “M-Mikey…I–” Mikey’s other hand came to the back of your head before shoving your open mouth down on his hard dick not letting you get another word out.

“Didn’t I tell you I was tired of hearing you?” Mikey said as tears burned in the back of your skull from his harshness, your acrylics dug into his pale thighs as you sat there on the floor of the limo under all their eyes. It was embarrassing and it made your panties drenched in your arousal. “She’s stupid, what’d you expect?” Koko said with a scoff as he typed something on his phone, hardly interested in what was happening because he wasn’t getting his dick wet. 

Ran leaned against the back of his hand staring at Koko “Boss said he didn’t wanna hear her whining, think you should shut up too.” He said and the long-haired male rolled his eyes muttering ‘Whatever’ and then he began to type harder on his phone before turning it off and putting it in his life. Sheer seconds later, Ran’s phone notification went off making the male’s grin extend but he stayed quiet. “We need to do something about Misaki.” Mikey started to lower his gun as he spoke before discarding it on the seat beside him letting you relax a bit but you didn’t dare take your mouth off his cock. He’d be upset if you stopped sucking.

No one said anything and just waited for him to continue “Sanzu, Takeomi, you’re going to keep track of him and all his guys.” Mikey said with a small grunt and Haruchiyo’s face twisted into one of confusion and anger.

“Why the hell do I have to go with the old man!? That’s what Mochi’s for.”

“Believe me, I’m not exactly joyful to go with you either.”

Ran laughed at their banter before his gaze traveled to you “Well, if you haven’t noticed, Mochi is taking care of that animal back at the club because little miss slut…” He places the bottom of his incredibly expensive shoe on the back of your head making a whimper come from your mouth “Wanted to get her princess parts touched…” Ran ended with a mocking tone almost talking in a baby-ish voice whilst pressing his foot down harder on your head. You gagged around the shorter male’s cock as tears slowly came down your face.

You hadn’t even noticed Mochi was missing because of how busy you were trying to find out what you did wrong and even apologizing despite not knowing what you did.

You just didn’t want them to be upset but it seemed your attempt at that just made them more angry at you “Ugh, should’ve let me do it. I’d make that fucker suffer.” The mullet-haired man said leaning back against his seat and grabbing the cigarette from Rindou’s hand “You get too messy.” Mikey stated simply glancing down at you as you continued to look up at him but when his dark and gloomy eyes met yours, your eyes dropped immediately “Oh like you’re not gonna make her a mess.” Haruchiyo replied and grinned at his boss with narrowed eyes.

Mikey didn’t reply and only looked down at you once again and you did the same thing as before. He didn’t like that at all.

He knew you wanted something from him or more like you needed to tell him something but for some reason, you didn’t. You never made eye contact with him when you were keeping something from him “Stop looking at me like that. Talk.” Mikey said planting his hand on your forehead before pushing you off his dick harsher than he intended making you fall back on your elbows.

You coughed lightly while wiping the small tears that hadn’t yet dared to mess up your makeup. “I-I…I wanted to show you something.” You said nervously as you shifted onto your knees grabbing at the hem of your dress and trying to gather up the confidence to look at him in his eyes, you knew how he hated it when you didn’t look at him when he talked to you and he was getting a bit upset with how often you were looking away from him.

Mikey lifted his hand off his knee gesturing for you to do what you wanted. You slowly stood to your feet in front of Mikey, his knees on either side of your body leaving a bit of space between himself and you. Mikey watched as you lifted your dress just below your boobs and his eyes immediately caught the tattoo on your pelvis that dipped into your panties. It was the Bonten tattoo with the only difference being the dot in the middle was a heart, he ran his thumb over the tattoo and pulled the waistline of your thong down just a bit so he could see the full inked skin. “…Wanted to make it cute.” You said with a smile forming on your lips at his reaction.

Mikey continued to stare at the tattoo in awe running his fingers over it to see if it was real and wouldn’t wipe off “It is cute baby.” His voice was softer than before as his eyes flickered up to yours, his hands went to your hips “Think you should show everyone else.” The Sano man didn't give you any time to react or protest (though you wouldn’t have) before he turned you around making your bare torso visible to everyone.

“Holy shit…” “Fuck pretty you’re so hot.” “Cute.” “C’mere dollface.” The compliments from the men made you grin wider, almost giggling at all of the attention. Koko then grabbed your wrist gently and pulled you out of Mikey’s arms and toward him before he began to rub his fingertips over the tattoo “You pay for this yourself love?” The long-haired male asked not looking up at you, you merely shook your head with a negative hum “Used your card.” A smile stretched across Koko’s mouth at your words before he pressed a small wet kiss to your pelvis on the ink “Good.” Rindou then reached over and grabbed your other arm, pulling you over to him and into his lap before you could respond to Koko.

His palm was placed directly onto the tattoo as he chuckled in your ear with Haruchiyo and Ran on either side of him chuckling as well “Gonna have fun with this, that’s for sure.” Ran said and Haruchiyo nodded in agreement with a devilish grin on his face, Rindou’s hand slowly drifted into your thong with his fingers trailing down to your clit “This why you wanted to be ass up so bad the other day?” Rindou asked tilting his head, his lips ghosting over yours and of course, when you went to connect them, he pulled away.

As nice as rindou was compared to those monsters, Takeomi, Haruchiyo, and Ran, he could be just as mean well…not exactly as mean.

Haruchiyo’s hand grabbed your chin harshly and he turned your attention toward him “Gotta let me eat this pussy baby…” He said licking his lips and once again, before you could even say anything, you were interrupted. “Who says you get to have ‘er first?” Ran said with a scoff as he put his hand on your leg, it was only adding to the small bit of pleasure his brother was giving to you by circling your clit. Takeomi scoffed as Kakucho just shook his head “She needs someone soft first. You guys will tear her in half.” The scarred-face man said folding his arms across his chest but his words only earned more noises of disapproval.

“Oh please! You’ll end up coddling her anyway.”

“Dollface loves getting split in half right?”

“You’re a bunch of selfish fucks.”

“And you’re not? Don’t act like you didn’t keep her to yourself all day yesterday Koko.”

As the men began to argue, you felt yourself being torn from Rindou’s lap and it seemed no one noticed.

You looked behind you to see the culprit of the action, Mikey. You gave him a small smile as you sat down on his lap but he didn’t return it and just continued to stare at you with his tired eyes “Take them off.” You weren’t really smart but you didn’t have to know rocket science to know what he was referring to. Nervously glancing at the men who were raising their voices at each other fighting over who got to use you first and then back at Mikey who was, surprisingly, waiting patiently. You began to pull the panties from your hips and let them drop to your ankles before stepping out of them staring at the damp spot in them as they lay on the floor useless as they always were.

You went to turn around to face Mikey but he stopped you “Look at them and be quiet.” And you did as you sat back down on his lap but this time, you felt his cock sliding inside of your slick hole making you shiver. You let out the smallest moan but it gained the attention of most people in the room, the people who didn’t hear only looked at you because everyone else went silent and turned to you. “Didn’t I say be quiet? Can’t listen for anything…” The short-haired male whispered in your ear while he held onto your hips.

“Oh shit look,” Ran said pointing at the bulge in your tummy that happened to be angled right where the tattoo was, making it poke out. “Fuck…are you gonna have her all to yourself, Mikey? Shit’s not fair.” Takeomi said letting out a low hiss and Haruchiyo nodded in agreement “Yeah, you told–” “She gotta get her present before her punishment.” Mikey said interrupting the long-haired male as he put his chin on your shoulder to look at you with his dead eyes. You glanced at him nervously, you thought that this would make him less mad at you and stop this ‘punishment’ but I guess not. “Well…shouldn’t that be the other way around?” You asked putting a manicured finger on your lip.

Mikey hummed raising his voice a few octaves to mock you “Well…you’re taking it this way.” His voice returned to normal halfway through his sentence “And stay quiet, we’re still talking. Now get moving, I’ll help after.” Mikey demanded slapping your leg and earning a whine from you but you nodded in agreement before beginning to move slowly with your lips glued shut not trying to let out any noises as all eyes were locked on you. When Mikey cleared his throat, their gaze focused past your form.

Your hands grabbed at Mikey’s skinny thighs as a support line as you heard him open his mouth to speak “Sanzu, Takeomi, I expect you to be professional about this. Do not have a repeat of last time.” It was ridiculous how he could speak so calmly when he was stretching you out. You felt like you were getting torn in half from the way his girthy cock was bullied into your…

It was too hard for you to move when he was stuffed inside of you like this but you kept trying, Mikey would never help you get what you wanted if you didn’t do it by yourself for a bit. That’s something about Mikey you hated! It didn’t matter if he was rewarding you or doing the opposite because he’d make you work for it just for a while until he took over; Mikey didn’t believe in that pillow princess shit, if you wanted something, you were going to work for it but maybe if he was in an extraordinarily good mood…the most he’d do is make you tell him what you wanted in LOTS of detail.

“Yeah, Yeah, I won’t shoot him or anything,” Haruchiyo said folding his arms across his chest with a sigh of annoyance but when he caught the sight of you resisting the strong urge to moan made him grin. He didn’t give a damn about going with Takeomi because of what you did at the club because he still gets to have you every day and see you in that state every time and Kakucho nor Koko could complain about how mean he was being because…well, you deserved it this time.

Haruchiyo looked at you like he wanted to do what Mikey wasn’t: Fuck your brains out and you wanted him too. It didn’t matter if it was him honestly, you just wanted to be taken care of…was that too much to ask? “Haru’...” You mewled looking at Haruchiyo through the mascara-coated lashes that you batted at him in hopes he’d give you what you wanted before Mikey could condemn you for talking. It’s best not to get your hopes up when it comes to him especially because all he did was laugh at you and grab his phone. “Didn’t I tell you to be quiet?” The sano man asked you as your makeup started to smear with you knuckling away the tears in your eyes. Haru was ignoring you and starting to record you in such a vulnerable and pitiful state.

“Yes but–” “Then shut up, it’s as simple as that,” Mikey said interrupting you once again and making it clear that he did not want to hear any of your excuses but you needed him too! It wasn’t fair that he had you sobbing like this while Haruchiyo was busy recording it. He never posted them but he did send them, especially to the guys who had the confidence to text you or give you their number with a text about how you were busy and it was so embarrassing. Haruchiyo just loved to humiliate you even when you were getting a reward. You could only imagine what he would do when it was time for you to be reprimanded.

Haruchiyo turned to Rindou and bumped him with his elbow “Put ‘em in her mouth.” He said gesturing to the thong on the floor and Rindou grinned before leaning down to grab the undergarments. The long-haired brother reached over grabbing your jaw with his hand “Open wide sweetie.” You did as he asked opening your mouth but you were barely able to open it wider before he stuffed them inside of your mouth silencing the pathetic whimpers that were an attempt to get him to pity you so maybe your punishment after this wouldn’t be so bad. You saw that it worked on him a bit but not enough for him to say anything.

“Since you can’t do anything on your own, I guess I’ll just give you what you want,” Mikey said running his hand up your thigh, dragging his fingertips over the tattoo to your scrunched-up dress before snaking his hand under the fabric. His fingers wrapped around your tit squeezing it lazily as he began to man spread forcibly spreading your legs for everyone to see what was between them. His other hand grabbed your hip before bringing you up and slamming you back down on his cock making you whine behind the fabric as hot tears ran down your face messing up your mascara. The black droplets of tears stained your pretty face as Mikey forced you up and down his cock.

You heard his grunts from behind you before they went quiet with his deep breath “I meant what I said. I don’t want no fucking shoot-outs.” Mikey said to the other men in the car. It seemed like you should have stopped at the hideout by now…wait, was the car even moving? You hadn’t even noticed if it had stopped. “Got it.” The voice was familiar but you couldn’t tie an exact face to it. Your eyes were squeezed shut and you were losing yourself in your pleasure already. Haruchiyo was probably having the best time of his life watching you fall apart in Mikey’s grasp and getting it on record.

“Do you? Last time you said that and I had to take funds out of the Bonten portion to pay off the cops because you are an idiot!” That was easily recognizable as Koko’s annoyed voice. Your eyes opened at the feeling of fingers grazing your chin and you were met with the camera of a phone. Your eyes trailed down to see the Sanzu man on his knees grinning up at you, his diamond-shaped scars stretching on the ends of his lips “Uhm, hello? I’m talking to you.” Koko said looking at the pink-haired man annoyed glaring at him whilst the man ignored him and just focused on capturing all of your whining excellence.

Haruchiyo clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth “I don’t give a shit. Pretty girl’s more important than anything you’re talking about.” He said dragging his fingertips over your skin making you shiver into him and Mikey’s touch. You whimpered through the fabric that was dampening from your drool. Koko didn’t respond and only rolled his eyes before relaxing further in his seat to add to the other eyes concentrated on you.

Mikey’s hand ran all over your body “Gonna cum?” He asked lowly in your ear with that baby-talk voice he and everyone else used to mock you but you didn’t care; you only nodded dumbly in response “Uh-huh! Uh-huh!” You screamed and your mumbles were loud enough to be understood by everyone. You began to bounce on your own chasing your orgasm, the back of your thighs slapped loudly against Mikey’s which were much skinner than yours “Yeah?” Mikey asked as Haruchiyo grabbed your panties from your mouth before forcing you to look down at him and not just at the camera.

“Feel so-oh good! Want more!” You moaned loudly glad that your cries were finally being heard. Haruchiyo’s smile widened evilly at your words as he lowered the camera down to take in how you sucked in Mikey with ease “Don’t worry, we’re gonna give you what you want.” Obviously, you didn’t think much of these words. It’s not like you thought much but he was telling you about giving you what you wanted…and that’s all you cared about.

You moaned louder, your sounds becoming more high-pitched as you grew closer to the edge “Cummin’! ‘M cumming!” You squirted all over Mikey’s cock triggering his own orgasm that was unwarranted. You gasped in shock at the warm feeling of him filling you that you were so used to, you felt yourself slipping from not only your thoughts but Mikey’s hands. Mikey didn’t catch you when you began to fall forward and neither did Haruchiyo but Koko (being the closest to you other than those two) did. 

You blinked up at the white-haired man with a blissed-out look on your dirtied face with small sobs escaping your lips that were in a pout. He didn’t say anything and allowed you to climb onto him; when you landed in his lap, your cunt leaking all over his expensive clothes, your arms immediately found their place around his neck “Aw…so sensitive.” Koko said teasingly when you spazzed into his body at the feeling of his hand just grazing over your clit.

“Don’t get too comfortable over there.” Your head turned at the voice and you saw all the eyes that were staring at you now with a hungry look in their eyes like you were their prey. You were and you have learned to accept it but it never failed to make you quake. They were not done with you whatsoever.

“Ah, ran that hurts…” You muttered gripping Mikey’s shoulders tightly as Ran pushed inside your second hole but you couldn’t even do that because Haruchiyo grabbed your hand and Koko grabbed your other so the only support you had was Mikey’s hands on your hips. It was a small burning pain but the pleasure from…everything overtook it by a lot. Whimpers left your messy lips as they manhandled you not caring that Mikey was still inside of you and you were moving all around him. They treated you like you were nothing but a toy for them, yet you found yourself growing wetter at their actions.

Your fingers wrapped around Haruchiyo’s cock with your other hand doing the same thing to Koko “Ah, you’ve taken it here before. You’ll be fine.” The eldest haitani brother responded to you with his hands creating hand-shaped bruises on your hips. Kakucho, who sat closer than before with his cock in his hand, rolled his eyes at Ran’s harsh treatment of you “Could have at least lubed her up, I see why she comes to me all sore.” Kakucho said which only earned chuckles from the other men in the room. You couldn’t even begin to respond to him, you could barely form anything other than moans and whines from how you were being used and pulled in every direction.

Despite this mindset, you saw Rindou stalking over from the side of your eye and your attention turned to him. He sat down in front of you on the seat as you along with Ran and Mikey, who were buried deep into your holes, sat on the floor “Keep your mouth open pretty.” Rindou said beginning to slide his slacks down to pool at his ankles, you did as he asked and opened your mouth wide and it wasn’t long before he shoved himself into your mouth muting your mewls “Tch. Why do I always get left out?” Takeomi questioned taking in the sight of you being stuffed in all holes possible.

Haruchiyo threw his head back as you moved your hand up and down his shaft, his pre spilling all over your hand and your long nails. He tilted his head back to look back at the older man “‘Cos it’s playtime and you’re too old for that.” The mullet-haired man said with a laugh triggering another mini argument between the two of them which no one paid attention to but at least it distracted him from recording you. “So pretty. This color looks so nice wrapped around my dick.” Koko complimented as he slicked his hair back to prevent it from sticking to his forehead which was growing wet with sweat. Koko was so glad he got to pick the color of your nails this time, his pleasure felt so much better knowing that especially because he picked it specifically because of how beautiful it looked around his dick.

You tried to thank him for the compliment but you couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of Mikey taking in your nipple in the wet cavern of his mouth; not like he’d be able to hear it anyway…

Mikey took full advantage of your tits being shoved in his face because you attempted to reach Rindou as you sucked him off. Ran groaned as he threw his head back while he continued his strokes deep inside of you “Fuck keep doing thing, she likes that, yeah?” Ran said with his hand snaking around to lie on the moving bulge in your tummy that was right under that tattoo, he’d be sure to pay some extra attention to that later. You weren’t even able to nod because Rindou had a tight hold on your hair as he practically fucked himself down your throat.

“Mmph!” Mikey’s cold hands groped your other tit as the other rested on the fat of your ass, you felt him smile at your muffled moans as he continued to fuck up into your sloppy cunt. Your body shuddered as his mushroom tip grazed over your g-spot “Oh fuck–ngh…pretty, you’re doing so–fucking–good.” Rindou moaned bucking his hips into your mouth slightly, you glanced up at him with teary eyes as makeup continued to run down your face showing your pathetic and slutty state.

Your stomach tightened and your legs nearly clenched together if it wasn’t for Mikey sitting between them as you felt your orgasm coming. “Gonna cum? Yeah?” Mikey said taking his mouth away from your nipple as he grunted at the feeling of you squeezing around him, he had to hold himself back; he had an issue with cumming as soon as you do just because of the feeling. “Mhm! Yeah, Yeah!” You shouted as Rindou yanked your head away from his cock as he began to jerk himself off for a few seconds until he came all over your face only adding to the mess “Ugh! C-Cummin’!” Koko laughed at your sputtering while you bounced up and down on Mikey to work yourself through your orgasm.

“You always cum so easy, don’t you beauty?” Koko asked with a teasing laugh.

You didn’t even respond and just murmured as you kept rocking back and forth because of Ran’s thrusts, he wasn’t letting up until he came and you couldn’t feel it coming yet. “Says you, every time we share ‘er, you cum within seconds.” Haruchiyo added looking back at the white-haired man who breathed heavily “You’re boutta cum right now, aren’t you?” He added making Koko grunt in annoyance, he placed his hand onto yours as you continued to jerk him off.

“Ugh, if you wanna kiss me just say that.” Koko responded with a roll of his eyes and Haruchiyo’s grin widened.

“If you cum easily like a virgin, just say that.” 

“I don’t!”

“Prove it.”

“Shut the hell up, nobody wants to hear you,” Rindou said with a raspy voice as he scooted away from his place on the seat. Dragging himself over to a farther seat to sit there and relax, rindou glared at his co-workers who looked at him and then at each other. Haruchiyo didn’t say anything but his look seemed as if he was challenging Koko and the other man accepted.

Your skin burned at the feeling of Ran’s long fingers digging into your skin as you breathed heavily slumped over onto Mikey’s shoulder. Ran leaned forward and kissed all over your shoulders while his hips continued to snap into your ass faster than before “Gonna give you two loads, ‘kay baby?” Mikey said pushing you off his body so he could look at you, his eyes narrowed at you when you didn’t respond and just mewled while sniffling and it made more globs of tears spew from your eyes as you nodded.

“C’mon love, use your words…taught you better,” Kakucho said as he slid into the empty space that Rindou had currently sat in. “Okay Mikey…” You said glancing up at Kakucho. He always tried his hardest to keep you out of trouble, even if you deserved it. Kakucho’s hand was placed on your head as to congratulate you for being good.

“Fuck, I’m cumming right now,” Ran grumbled as he pounded into your tighter hole harder making you yelp and your back arch. Your arms wrapped around Mikey’s head as you cuddled closer to him, your legs were numb by now but you felt them quake as Ran filled you to the brim and soon Mikey followed. So that’s what he meant by two loads…

Your tongue lolled out at the feeling of being filled up completely while you breathed heavily but your comfort didn't last long because your hands were snatched back and placed back on the cocks you took them away from “Stop playin’ dollface, we’re tryna have a competition here.” Haruchiyo said as he moved your hand around his dick again while Koko tried to resist cumming, he couldn’t let Haruchiyo win another fucking bet. “Sor–ah!” You couldn’t count how many times you’ve been cut off this night from saying anything.

You gave Koko an apologetic look as you winced at the feeling of Ran’s touch leaving your skin after pulling out. That’s what did it to him, there’s no way he can hold back when you’re looking at him like that…so Koko let go and allowed himself to cum all inside of the palm of your hand. You gasped and looked down at your soiled hand as your fingers unwrapped from him. Staring at his burning red tip that was twitching, you smiled a bit before looking back at him “Looks like you lost pretty boy.” Haruchiyo said grunting. You had completely forgotten he was there. “Shut up,” Koko said joining Ran and Rindou who were busy tucking themselves back in and coming down from their high.

Your head turned as you brought your hand to your lips gently licking Koko’s mess from your hand “Hm, haitani already ruined your face…” Haruchiyo said as you glanced up at his phone that was lazily held in his hand, you weren’t even sure if the camera was taking in your filthy form. You wondered what Haruchiyo was going to do next but your thoughts were ripped away when your hand was brought away from your mouth to wrap around yet another cock making you whine. Your arms were almost as sore as your throat, you were getting extremely tired…

“Don’t act all tired now. You can rest all you want after.” Takeomi said with his gruff voice as you began to lazily move your hand around his cock, rubbing your thumb over his tip to tease him a bit. Before you even got to say anything, you felt warm ropes of Haruchiyo’s cum not only landing on the side of your face but in your hair. “Mikey! Haru made a mess in my hair…I paid so much to get it done…” You complained looking at your boyfriend(ish) not paying attention to Ran commenting how he actually paid.

See, Mikey didn’t really give a shit that your hair got fucked up or any of that shit because it was supposed to be a punishment. However…he did not want to deal with you whining to him the whole time after this about your hair, you were already going to be upset about your makeup and your underwear that had been torn to shreds by now and he really did not want to hear this. He never heard the end of it when some of his cum accidentally landed on your hair when he was giving you backshots. “Get away,” Mikey said to Haruchiyo as you wrapped your arms around his neck looking up at Kakucho who looked at you sympathetically.

“Come on Mikey, I’ll buy her a new one or whatever,” Haruchiyo said a tad bit annoyed that he was getting scolded over this. You weren’t really focused on Haruchiyo anymore or what Mikey was telling him, only on Kakucho now that you were facing him and you had discovered that he had been jerking himself off. Well, he wasn’t anymore but he was.

Kakucho’s unused hand went to your head and he pulled apart strands of your hair to see if it was as bad as you thought it was “It’s really bad, right…?” You asked to sniffle and Kakucho grimaced at the sight of Haruchiyo’s seed on the side of your head but he still tried his best to get it out regardless of his disgust “Not that bad. I can help wash it out.” Kakucho told you with a sweet voice. That’s what you liked so much about Kakucho…he was so nice to you no matter what you did wrong.

And you’d never say it aloud because of how jealous most of them would get but Kakucho would be the first person you’d run to in a situation when you know you did something wrong. He was always just so nice to you…he deserved a lot for being such a sweetie all the time! “Thank you…” You muttered as your hand that was free of Koko’s mess trailed up Kakucho’s leg and grabbed him making him stiffen. “Oh, that’s bullshit. How come we have to sit out but Scarface over there still gets his?” Haruchiyo asked with a frown ignoring how Takeomi was glaring daggers into the side of his head. You felt the need to mention how most people in Bonten had scars on their faces but you made your first smart decision not to. They’d probably get offended…

“He’s nice to me.” You said glancing back at the pink-haired man as Mikey sat below you silently, leaning his temple against your bare side. Your whines of sadness instead of pleasure had brought out that soft spot in him and he just wanted to be as close to you as possible. “Sweetie, I don’t give a fuck about that nice shit,” Haruchiyo said rolling his eyes as he snatched whatever Rindou was lighting up. You merely huffed and looked back at Kakucho who stared down at you in all of your glory.

He observed how your body would jolt and the little noises that would leave your throat ever so often maybe because of the lingering pleasure or Mikey moving in the slightest. Either way, your blessed-out expression was so cute, especially with that pout of anger. “Well, I do.” You muttered before beginning to move your hand up and down on Kakucho’s cock while resting your cheek on the top of Mikey’s head.

“O-Oh shit…” Kakucho mewled as he watched as you took him in your mouth, your hand remained around the length that you could not take in. His back arched just slightly at the vibrations that your whines and groans sent to his dick that rose to the pit of his stomach where his orgasm formed. “Mmpfh…” You said lowly as you rocked back and forth to grind on Mikey which just made him even more impatient to get his way with you. He needed Kakucho to hurry and finish.

Kakucho’s large hand found its way to the nape of your neck just resting there as he moaned breathlessly. He resisted the urge to fuck your face because he didn’t really want to but it was just so good that he couldn’t help but crave more. That feeling in the pit of his stomach grew so large that he could barely keep his eyes open anymore but he tried to, he wanted to see those eyes that stared up at him so teary and wet. So beautiful.

He could see how Koko came so easily just from how you looked at him. His ring-clad fingers traveled from the back of your neck to the back of your hair. Running his fingers through the clean strands and gently pulling at it “You’re going so good…shit oh my–” Kakucho’s words were cut off when he came without warning into your mouth making you choke just a bit. Taking him out of your mouth, you stuck your tongue out as you lightly coughed and he gawked at the sight.

Mikey’s hand went from roaming around your back and grasping your hips “You done with her?” The tired male asked in his usual raspy voice and Kakucho confirmed that he was with a puffed-out response. Within a few seconds of Kakucho’s response, Mikey had you on your back on the floor of the car and you grew a bit embarrassed at the eyes on you. They were always there, staring but instead of feeling their gazes, you could actually see them.

The roughness of his fingertips pressing against your love handles made you squirm as you babbled about how he was being so rough. “You know who you belong to, correct?” Mikey asks as he begins to move inside of you with slow strokes. His hands trailed down to your thighs and found their place on the back of them “Uhm, y-yeah…” You replied trying not to moan so you could at least answer him properly. Mikey pushed your thighs up so that they met your chest as he continued to stare at you “So why act like you don’t?” He continued to ask as you groaned at the new angle.

Only babbles left your lips as you insisted that you didn’t act like that and that’s why you got the tattoo but it seemed that no one was buying it. “I mean you were all over that…ugh. So clearly you don’t.” Koko said shrugging his shoulders and you only whined at his words. “How many times do we have to teach you? We know you’re a little dense but you’d think you would learn by now.” Mikey said bluntly watching as you arched your back at the little pleasure he was giving you.

“Mikey…p-please jus-just want more.” You babbled to him as hot tears streamed down your face. Haruchiyo smacked his tongue across the roof of his mouth. This was supposed to be a punishment for you but you were too much of a cockwhore to not want more of what you were given. Haruchiyo had so many more methods for putting you in your place but apparently, he was ‘too harsh’.

Mikey blinked at you and leaned closer to you only getting deeper into your warmth. His lips brushed over the shell of your ear as you waited patiently for him to talk “You’re lucky if I ever let you go out with those fucking friends of yours again, understand?” He whispered to you and you nodded immediately not thinking much of it. “Great then don’t fucking complain later.” The short-haired male said narrowing his eyes at you.

The sano didn’t waste any time to begin thrusting harshly inside of you. The prominent veins on the sides of his cock rubbed against your fleshy walls that were already soaked with his seed “Ugh! F-Feel so g-go–ood!” You shouted dragging out your sentences as you moaned loudly. Your arms wrapped around Mikey’s neck and you clawed at the back of his shirt while trying to contain yourself. Your body moved up and down and even though your eyes were squeezed shut, you could practically see the smirks on the haitani brother’s faces at the sight of your tits bouncing.

They were also probably smiling at the noises that came from Mikey’s cock leaving and entering your soaked cunt. The sounds were so filthy and so wet, it was like music to their ears. One of Mikey’s hands found its place right back on top of your tattoo and he groaned loudly throwing his head back at the feeling of his cock poking through your skin and rubbing against his palm. 

Your walls tightened around him as you felt yourself nearing the edge. “Hold it, I want you to cum with me,” Mikey told you. “No! I-I can’t…” You shouted out as you brought him down to be closer to you. “If you cum before I tell you to, I swear to god you won’t cum for a month.” Mikey threatened making your skin run cold. Mikey was so mean to you sometimes…it wasn’t nice at all!

“I’m s-sorry! Ngh…I won’t–fuck–go with another guy e…ever!” You were barely able to get out a clear sentence as you felt Mikey hit your G-spot. You couldn’t hold it in for long, it just felt so good that you needed to cum now. “Tch. If you can even call it that.” Rindou snickered not taking his eyes off how you couldn’t even close your mouth with how many moans were continuously emptying from your lips. 

Mikey put his face in your neck as his hips sped up, undoubtedly to discolor under the pressure of hitting your thighs. He breathed heavily into your neck occasionally letting out groans with how you pulsed around him eager to cum under his touch and only add to the cum ring that formed around the base of his dick.

He groaned at the feeling of you sucking him deeper than he could possibly imagine. It always happened. No matter how much he thought he couldn’t get deeper inside of you, he did. Mikey loved the feeling of your plush walls hugging his cock tightly and he loved it more when you let out sobs and purrs expressing how much you loved it when he fucked you like that. It only turned him on more.

“Now.” He commanded and just as he pleased, you both came together with your moans swirling with his beautifully. Your back only arched off the floor more at the feeling of him stuffing you full of his cum once again “Uhn…so full.” Your eyes closed as you relaxed against the floor and Mikey’s harsh press of your thighs to your rest softened. Mikey pulled out making you gently wince and peek your eyes open.

The short man sat on the seat of the car before he began to pick you up so you could sit next to him. Mikey stared at you for a moment taking in how pretty you looked with a tear and cum-stained face with small touches of ruined makeup here and there before he went to get your dress from one of the executives. He smiled a the sight of you knowing that he couldn’t stay mad at you for long and of course, you had to make him smile just a bit more with your words and girlish giggles that adorned it. “Nice butt.”

©torasplanet .ᐟ reblogs and likes are very appreciated! pls do not repost!!

[weaselle]

i am convinced that human evolution and development was centered around the basic up-grade from "i steal your resources" to "i steal your behaviors and concepts"

We got clever enough and we just started copying absolutely everything we observed just because now we could figure out how to copy concepts and things that other animals were doing

see that squirrel hoarding acorns for the winter? we can do that. okay now how do we make these acorns edible, cause they are poisonous to a number of animals and we don't do great with them either. What if you put them in the fire? or just on hot coals? what if you put them in water on hot coals and boil them? Oh if you soak them in cold water for 24 hours and maybe change the water a couple times you can totally eat them? YOINK storing acorns for winter is our idea now.

or, you ever seen a weaver bird do it's thing? if not i'll give you one guess what they do

or how about the tailor bird that uses spider silk to stitch the edges of a big leaf together to make a nest in

or sometimes they'll stitch a bunch of leaves into a little cup for a nest

like i'm not trying to downplay how clever it is to be the first humans to weave or sew, and indeed, being the first person to weave that anyone knew about probably happened many times throughout human existence but my conceit is that most if not all of those times was a human seeing something in nature that was basically weaving and going "i'ma do that, and get real good at it - i'ma take that concept and really make it mine"

like it wouldn't surprise me if humans got dogs because we saw how ravens were treating wolves and went "shit yeah, great idea - YOINK that's my idea now."

most of the things that we think of as special human skill or behavior can actually be found elsewhere throughout nature -- all over there are animals using tools, farming, ranching, building, etc.

my favorite primate behavioralist anecdote is a group of people studying tool use in chimps were spending their days in the bush logging the use of twigs to catch termites, and over the campfire at night they're like "it's so boring i wish they'd do something more impressive than this completely basic tool skill."

and one of them was like "actually... how do we know its not a difficult skill? has anyone tried to use a twig to catch termites and see?" and so the next day, like good little scientists, they went out and recorded their attempts at catching termites with twigs.

And lo and behold out of the whole group and all their attempts that day, only, like, a single termite was caught by a human, mostly by chance. Suddenly the whole situation flipped - they'd been thinking of it as basic unskilled tool use, but actually the chimps knew how to do something that none of them could easily figure out on their own - or even together as a group!

y'all, they had to go back to watching the chimps do it to figure out how. Think about that. University degrees, scientific minds, educated people... and they had to be taught how by the chimps.

It turns out there's a reason that young chimps will spend like a year closely studying how an adult is fishing for termites. You gotta select the right kind of twig or leaf stem, maybe you fray the end like a paint brush depending on particulars, you gotta have just the right poking and little shaking technique to provoke the termites into biting the twig, it's a whole thing. There's even regional/cultural differences in the general approach to termite fishing that are distinct between groups that live in different areas.

Now, wild chimps have been observed using objects as tools to fashion crude spears for hunting (it's the mothers doing it by the way, and slowly some of their kids have been growing up doing it, which will probably result in refinements and developments eventually.

ants do both farming and ranching. For real. Some species of ant grow a fungus they eat AND it's a domesticated fungus, like our corn, it can't actually reproduce and survive in the wild without the ants farming it. They maintain its growing conditions and feed it leaf litter mulch, and the fungus produces some kind of ant food idk i forget the details about that. But that's farming. They are farming a domesticated mushroom, basically. And other species of ant will maintain a herd of aphids; they'll move them from grazing area to grazing area, and protect them from predators, and they "milk" them for a liquid food substance and also every now and then they straight up eat one. That's ranching.

beavers sometimes have muskrat... tenants? pets? The muskrats low key pay rent by changing out the reed bedding they all use, and they live in the beaver's lodge with them and eat some of the food. So. idk

Some Tarantulas keep frogs as pets

anyway my point is, i think the true human skill that sets us apart is our ability deconstruct and reconstruct anything we see into something that is for us. Oh, you eat that? Now WE eat that. You have the perfect teeth to drill little holes in specific tree trunks to let the sap ooze out and eat it because it's high in sugar? We don't have those teeth but we're gonna do that now and if we can't figure out a tool that's as good as your teeth at it, watch out, because we will absolutely just also steal your fuckin teeth.

[greyskyflowers]

Since I very much enjoy the idea of Edwin being permanently a little fucked up after his 2nd trip to hell and everything with Esther, I have made a few posts about that if you're interested ~ I think a potential part of that would be to consider if Charles, and Crystal, ever battle feelings of guilt about being the reason they all ended up in Port Townsend.

Like, I wonder if when they finally got everything calmed down and are back home, if the night nurse absent-mindedly says something about the possession of Esther being the thing that got her department involved and Charles just gets this horrible sinking in his gut.

And then he starts thinking about everything and how it might have looked to Edwin.

How he and Crystal pushed Edwin to go to Port Townsend, and how often they all ended up with Crystal and Edwin facing each other to argue and Charles physically on Crystal's side.

Possessing Esther even though Edwin had always told him to never do that and how confident he had been that nothing was going to happen and Edwin was just being Edwin.

How his response to Edwin coming back leashed and clearly upset about the cat king was to give him shit and push over and over on the topic.

Letting Edwin get taken to hell again, even though Charles had been right there.

Esther.

Niko.

Also, when they learn Crystal willing let David in and how potentially upsetting that could be to Edwin? Even if Charles didn't know a lot about hell, and I don't think he did, demons must be something that kind of trip Edwin up a little, right? Maybe those cases make him go a little quieter, more likely to stick close to Charles, etc.

They got Niko out of Port Townsend, and they ended up in a better position with the Lost and Found department by the end of everything, but still.

Everytime Edwin now flinches away from the light because he's got a headache, or he's so exhausted after a case that Charles basically has to carry him back, or an iron burn takes much longer to heal then it ever has... the guilt makes Charles feel like he's going to get sick.

Maybe Edwin also checks out a little more then he did previously, eyes going a little hazy and clearly not seeing or hearing them. He doesn't talk and he'll just sit there, sometimes for days. Charles has to coax him onto the couch for a little more comfort, getting him to lay down even though it really doesn't do anything, Edwin always going easily to wherever Charles nudges him. He doesn't know exactly where Edwin goes during those zone outs but he can guess and it's nothing good.

🌙🌙🌙

This no way meant to say anything bad about any of the characters and if you take it that way then you didn't pay attention. Charles is usually really good with people and really good with Edwin, but I think he got so distracted by Crystal that things just got messy. And once things started spiraling, it just kept going.

Edwin is absolutely not blameless in all this either and I love Crystal but the beginning of the relationships between all of them was a hot mess.

We've all at some point, been brushed aside for something shiny and new. It's a terrible feeling. Add in the fact that Charles is basically Edwin's only person and his world got very small and lonely, very quickly.

[roseworth]

Can you expand more on the types of the things Dick fans say or do that make you dislike his character?

(context)

the thing about dick grayson is that he is an extremely popular character but the way some people talk about him you would think that hes an unappreciated side character. i think that there are certain fans that need to remember that he has been consistently showing up in comics for 80 years so if hes out of character or left out in one book it shouldnt matter. like im sorry for your loss maybe you can wipe your tears with one of his other 10000 appearances

i feel like any time dick is slightly out of character in a book i see people writing paragraphs about what was wrong with his characterization no matter what the book is. if hes a side character in a book someone will be there to say "um☝️ this is out of character because dick didnt save everyone??? 🤨 why did the main character get the focus instead of dick 🫤" like!!! not everythings about him!!!! and a lot of his fans love that hes an extremely skilled fighter (and im not disagreeing with that!! he definitely is) but because of that they get upset whenever he loses a fight no matter what. even though sometimes to tell a story you need the character to lose sometimes. and i know that a lot of that is because people need to feel the need to defend him after t*m t*ylor wrote him like he was incompetent. but i stg its every time he gets hit someone says "actually this wouldnt happen and this is out of character"

also i feel like people shit on jason and tim fans all the time for stealing traits from female characters and projecting them onto their fav batboy (rightfully so!!) but then i constantlyyyy hear about dick's Eldest Daughter Syndrome and how he represents the female experience or whatever. like i dont have an issue with that on its own, and i think a lot of the people who i see say he has eldest daughter syndrome are people who also talk about women so i dont mind it as much, but there are Other people who basically talk about dick like hes a female character while ignoring the actual women in his stories

speaking of treating him like a female character. im so tired of people saying that the ass jokes are problematic. like dont get me wrong! theyre annoying and unfunny and i dont like them! but some people are convinced that theyre terrible because they objectify him and sexualize him for no reason and etc etc. and the argument i hear over and over is "can you imagine how terrible it would be if they did this to a woman!" like. yeah actually. i dont have to imagine. theyre doing it right now unironically. i think this fictional man will survive if hes drawn with a fat ass sometimes. its not a good thing but there are some people that blow it way out of proportion because "omg why would they do that to him 😨" like i really cannot bring myself to care even a little

plus a lot of his fans will act like hes special in some way in terms of fighting ability or intelligence. and again i do know that he is a great fighter and is very smart!! but hes definitely falling into the same issue that a lot of batman fans have in the sense that they think hes The Greatest To Ever Do It and other characters get put down so dick can be better. so people want to believe that dick can beat anyone in a fight and always wins with prep time. plus there are people that think of him as the perfect character for any situation so there are dick fans going "if dick was there during the utrh confrontation everything wouldve worked out fine 🤗" and "dick actually wouldve killed any character who hurt his friends" and anything like that. because a lot of his fans just want to insist that he is bruce but without all the parts they dont like. toxic nightwing fans are so similar to toxic batman fans but its worse because they dont even think he can have flaws. at least batman fans know he sucks and hates everyone, but nightwing fans say all the great things batman fans say but without any of the issues

anyways. but i think most of the reason that he bothers me has nothing to do with his fans and a lot more to do with dc. just because i really dont care about him. so many comic readers love him so dc will obv appeal to the people that love him. which means that those of us who dont really care about him have to hear about him in every book. like hes just some guy why is he being treated like the most important guy in the world during dark crisis and absolute power. and i have to hear about how hes the heart of the dcu or the glue of the batfamily or whatever else they've said about him. i dont care!!!! at least when its batman being treated like dc's specialest princess all the other characters hate him. since dc thinks that all the readers love him they make it so all the characters love him. and i just dont care about him. im tired of them shaking him in my face and going "its nightwing!!! we all love nightwing!!!! hes the best!!!!!!" i want that twink obliterated

[weirdcat1213]

and now, a somewhat personal rambling about hua cheng and the cave of ten thousand gods

spoilers but not beyond arc 4 since im reading that rn

so ive seen some people call hua change a red flag and toxic after the scene and first of all

>:[

and second of all, yall missing really key context...and the point tbh

so if we go to the very beginning we have a child who has been pretty much abandoned and abused for...reasons probably (the really bad luck he had and something else probably). the entire world has been bullying this kid and then he quite literally meets god even before he becomes god

this prince showers him in love and care and of course he swore loyalty to said prince. he experienced his kindness first hand. years later his prince has become a god, only solidifying his thoughts towards him. his prince is so pure and kind and strong that he went to heaven to help others. but heres the fun part: he is still the same abused kid he was when they first met. now that his prince is not "in the same world" he finds comfort in being a devotee forever. plus of course his prince deserves it!

then we get the soldier era and now hua cheng is even more blown away by his prince. he was a god who came back to earth for the sake of others! the prince did quite literally everything in his power to help out and even if it was for nothing, it only showed even more of his character! and no matter the occasion he always protected hua cheng.

all of this is for this point: hua cheng is not a stalker by any means (following the modern definition or not). hua cheng didnt sculpt a shit ton of statues because he saw xie lian once and fell in love. he built those out dedication, out of devotion, he built them to cope and to remember his goal: to protect the one who had protected him many years ago when no one would.

and you can see in the murals and the fight with mu qing that he has internalized the hate he received. he is now a fucking ghost king but in his mind he will always be that cursed kid who for some reason got lucky enough to meet xie lian and his kindness. a stalker is someone who thinks theyre entitled to own/possess another person but hua cheng doesnt think that about himself at all. he literally says mu qing is right when he calls hua cheng disgusting.

now that we have reached the self hate its time for the 2nd part of this thing: the self loading and queerness

some people found the scene funny but i honestly was filled with anxiety and really felt bad for hua cheng. the cave was his safe space he had to use to protect xie lian and thanks to people who (funny enough tbh) actively antagonized him in the past....oof it felt rough

feng xin and mu qing start shaming his devotion, his writing, his paintings and thank god xie lian doesnt listen to them but then they go further. they start calling hua cheng a monster who desires the purity of the crown prince, a weirdo who is obsessed, they accuse him of wanting to curse xie lian and do him harm.

and guess what? this isnt the first time his love gets mocked like this. it happened before in the land of teder when the flower people made fun of him. ive mentioned this before but the summary: of course xie lian was his gay awakening but the flower people mocked his feelings, called him weird for wishing something he would never get, etc.

both situations are pretty similar except that in the cave, xie lian is actually there! forming opinions! maybe getting freaked out by everything! and when i tell you i wanted to tear down every wall in that cave and in my house because the panic/anxiety hua cheng must have felt is immeasurable. he already thinks so lowly of himself, imagine if *his god* calls him a weirdo or becomes afraid of him. tbh it brought back feelings i have felt and still sometimes deal with myself. people looking at your love and devotion and distorting it into a fetish/something disgusting? fuck that hurtss

and yes, maybe mu qing and feng xin had a reasonable reaction but they forgot 2 things: 1) how forgotten and insulted xie lian has been for centuries now. of course xie lian doesnt mind any of this because (in his eyes) he hasnt received this amount of love since his youth. and all of it coming from his close friend/crush? he is only slow to react because it happened so long ago. fuck he is surprised someone cares about him after so long. like someone on tumblr said, theyre matching each others freaks/ need for love and self reassurance.

2) they are literally forgetting the many MANY times hua cheng has helped xie lian and treated him with respect. they have seen hua cheng help out while pretty much trying to keep a respectable distance from xie lian AND YET they have the audacity to call him a sicko? nope, not allowed in my house

so i quite literally dont see why this is a red flag/disgusting from hua chengs part. it may be "too much" but it has been so established by now that this man's love goes above and beyond, its an adequate response to his context in the story, its well received by the other party ALSO BECAUSE of his own context in the story and because the relationship they have had so far is of trust and deep care for each other.

[lovexjoe]

Make a vampire smut where Armando kidnaps the reader

A/N: This is the 3rd request for vampire Armando and I got y’all 😫

Synopsis: Vampires can imprint 😌 Armando didn't realize what happened during a shootout when he first saw you. His heart stopped, the world slowed down and all his thoughts were consumed by you. A mix between vampires from twilight and vampires from tvd

It’s been 2 weeks since you’ve been trapped in this house with Captain’s killer. It probably had to do with the fact that Mike and Marcus made you tag along on a mission when you were suppose to be dropped off at home. Uncle Marcus had ONE JOB. Pick you up from class and drop you home, but no. With the discovery of Mike having a warlock son, you got caught in between everything. There was something odd about Armando. He made sure you had food, clothes and let’s you shower etc. He lets you roam around the house during the day time. At night though? He locks you in the basement. He was gone as soon as the sun set. He was handsome even you could admit that. It was a bit distracting since you got here, sometimes you couldn't help but stare at him. It was 9pm and you were insanely bored. You tried your luck by opening the basement door, to your surprise: it opened. Maybe this is your chance to escape? What was even out there? You looked out the window to see you were in the middle of nowhere and decided that it’s probably best to find a phone. Taking a risk in the forest is probably not the best way to survive. You rummage around the kitchen to see if you could find any device that you could use to contact your Uncle but no.

After 10 minutes of trying to search around you decided to give up. Yes you were kidnapped, but you weren't technically in danger. He is Mike's son after all he was probably just keeping you as leverage. You opened the fridge to grab some water and your heart stopped. No fucking way You heard Uncle Marcus and Mike talking about Isabel being a witch, but what in the entire fuck did she do to her son?!? The fridge was stocked up with blood bags, a few had a bite marks you didn't even want to identify. No....FUCK no. No wonder he was taking care of you, he was preparing me for dinner! You saw this bullshit on tv, but you didn't think it was actually true. You backed straight into someone and let out the first scream since you been kidnapped. Armando covers your mouth, his eyes a golden yellow with bloody veins. You were trying not to have a panic attack.

"Just relax. I was going to tell you." He slowly removes his hand from your mouth and honestly you should be heading for the fucking hills but your feet was planted in place.

"Why?!" If you were in his position you would've kept this to yourself. He constantly scans your face when he's talking to you as if he's trying to read your mind. Well I hope the fuck he can't cause I've thought some unholy shit and now im thinking of killing him!

"My mom did this to me. I don't think my dad realize that she was a vampire as well. We...we imprint on people whose suppose to be our soulmates. When I saw you during the shootout, I imprinted on you and I just took you away from everything" He leans against the island, looking at you. Wishing he could read you, but for some reason he can't.

So that confirms that you weren't leverage, but you were actually kidnapped cause he likes you. Hm. Do you scream now or later?

"If you come any closer I'll kill you!" You stated as you move quickly trying to find a way to escape. He appears in front of you and you slam full force into his chest. You grabbed a vase and threw it at him causing it to shatter all over the floor. You looked for the largest piece and cut yourself horribly trying to pick it up. You start to panic as he holds your hand filled with blood. He's gonna kill me, he gonna kill me, he's gonna kill me. He rips his shirt, creating a bandage to wrap your wound tightly. Your head starting to feel a little funny.

'A-armando I don't feel good" After that sentence you passed out into his arms.

Armando POV.

Sigh. I can't read her mind at all. She is the only person I have ever come across that I can't read her mind. Being a vampire is a curse and a blessing. The only reason I've been such a successful drug dealer is because I know what the other person is thinking. Always a step ahead, but with her? With this stupid imprint, I am lost for the first time. I find myself caring. I find myself wanting her. This shit is pathetic. During the shootout my first thing after imprinting was getting her away from the danger. Sure having her as leverage was a bonus, but now that she is under my watch I am not letting her go.

She passed out in my arms, I laid her down in my bed for the first time instead of the basement. Cleaning her wound, her blood smelled divine, I fought myself from taking a little taste. My body wouldn't be able to control itself and I'd feel too guilty if I were to hurt her. I tuck her in bed, sitting in the lounge chair in front of my bed, trying my hardest to read her mind. What could she be thinking of? ...fuck...

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: 　

The next morning you were sat on the barstool at the kitchen island. Armando was cooking breakfast. You admired his biceps in his white tank top. Your hand feeling a slight sting from last night's incident. You didn't mean to cause such a wreckage, but apart of you felt happy he took care of you last night. Waking up in his scent, under his covers did something to your core. He's leaving his mark on you and he hasn't even touched you. He's a vampire for god sake. You wanted to speak, but you couldn't find the words. After your steaming hot shower, Armando cleaned up your wound once again. Seeing you wrapped up in just a towel, your hair wet, body radiating coconut vanilla: it took his entire being not to touch you. You wanted him to touch you. It felt wrong but you wanted it.

"Armando.....I want you to kiss me" You blurted out. He turns around looking at you surprised. He turns off the stove, picking you up and carrying you over to his bed. You pulled him in for a sinful kiss. His lips are so soft. Where the fuck was this coming from? Yes you felt this, but it was wrong. Your mouth and body was already doing things before you could even think. Is he controlling you!?

Before you could even process a thought, clothes were ripped completely off and you were on top of him. His size was the biggest you ever came across, but you held him close and you rode him.

"Y/N" He moans out, his golden eyes drunk with lust as he guides your hips on top of him.

"B-bite me" You moaned out. He shook his head, he didn't want to ruin this moment by hurting you. You started to bounce up and down faster on his length.

"Bite me please! I want it!" You cried out, close to your orgasm already. In an instant, his teeth sinks into your shoulder and you let out a gasp.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

You jumped out of your sleep, sweating profusely. A set of golden eyes staring back at you seductively. Out of breath you looked around the room realizing it was still dark out, you still had on the same clothes from last night....

It was a dream....

[from-a-farther-room]

If the sequel can retcon the first film, I can retcon the sequel, right?

This could be a fic but I know I'm never going to write it properly so I'm just going to put what I've got here for posterity.

Everything Discord said about the last immortal business is lies. Tuah is gullible and/or in on it. Nile had nothing to do with Andy losing her immortality.

Instead, the spear Nile picked up in the opening heist is some kind of cursed artefact that screws with immortality, but it doesn't actually remove it, it just disrupts the healing process. (Where did it come from? Doesn't matter. Why did that random guy in Croatia have it? Something to do with Discord's actual plan and/or he bought it on eBay.)

Dying again resets everything, but it takes a while, like waking from your first death. Andy couldn't go back for Booker's body at the end because the authorities or more goons or whoever were coming and she needed to get Quỳnh to safety. Booker revived at some point after they'd left and ... got captured by someone? Went off to sulk about not staying dead? I dunno sorry I don't care enough about Booker to figure out his plot, the point is he's fine and he'll come back eventually so the others don't have to be so sad about him.

Andy is immortal again for the same reason Joe and Nicky became immortal together: maybe it is truly random and she just got a wild coincidence like they did; maybe Nicky is right, (sometimes at least) it's not arbitrary, and destiny or whatever you want to call it insisted that Andy and Quỳnh get another chance to heal and be together just like it insisted on Joe and Nicky.

At some point during the big rescue mission, Quỳnh will be gravely injured and die in Andy's arms after telling her she forgives her. Andy will not leave her body behind, and Quỳnh will wake up good as new while Andy is sobbing over her. She'll say something clever and Andy will reach for her, and then hesitate because she still doesn't know if she's allowed, and so Quỳnh will kiss her and they will make out so SO MUCH you can't even imagine.

Meanwhile, Nile will start to figure out that Discord is full of shit when someone finally actually tells her that it's supposedly her causing Andy etc. to lose their immortality, and she'll remember:

a) How Andy definitely still healed from that first stabbing AND the plane fight and only stopped later, and

b) That time [cue flashback] when Andy's Lesson of the Day was about how if you don't have a physical advantage over an opponent, you find something else. Nile's learning swords with Joe, Andy's observing, Nicky's doing something else in the background. After a few rounds of Joe easily blocking all of her attacks, Nile abruptly stops and gasps "Shit, Nicky!" like something horrible just happened, and Nicky looks up from his book or knife-sharpening or whatever all bewildered, and Andy's already laughing because of course that distracts Joe enough for Nile to finally land a hit on him. And she nicks him, and he heals just like always, and laughs too and congratulates her on her success, while Nicky gives her a stern look that turns into a tiny little smile because he doesn't exactly approve of this gambit but is nonetheless impressed.

Anyway, after this realization, Nile will clock that all the last immortal stuff is nonsense (what's the deal with the birthmark on Nile's arm? what are you talking about, what birthmark, Nile never had a birthmark on her arm) and work out what Discord's real plan is (what is that? don't care doesn't matter) and use that information to devise her own plan to defeat Discord and escape. It's very much Nile's show though Joe and Nicky will contribute in some not-totally-trivial way that maybe involves an interesting non-crusades historical flashback for them. Copley can help too. In the course of their escape they'll run into Andy and Quỳnh who are still making out and everyone will fight together to finish the job. Nile will use the labrys at some point.

Finally, we'll see the whole group back together around a table eating and laughing and betting on something silly; Quỳnh reconnecting with Joe and Nicky; Nile and Quỳnh getting to know each other; maybe Nile deciding to reach out to her mortal family too.

Oh, and the cursed spear goes into a vault or gets melted down or whatever, but along the way Nile picks up an even cooler one that doesn't cause so many problems. Maybe someone makes a crack about how perhaps this one bestows immortality, haha very funny, post-credits scene where Copley accidentally knocks it out of the umbrella stand and cuts himself picking it up to put it back, and nothing unusual happens... at least not yet.

[acourtofthought]

So I'm basically an Elriel shipper (cause of my girl Elain.) And I just wanted to ask you and the elucien shippers in general that let's say Elucien doesn't end up happening ( I get that you guys believe it but let's say it doesn't happen and elain and azriel end up together) would you still support Elain? Cause many big elriels and my elriel friends support elain even if she ends up choosing Lucien cause they want her to choose her own path and story, and at the end of the day all we want is just a good story for elain. I've never seen an Elriel shipper say something bad about elain, hell some even only support elriel only cause of elain. I'm not asking this question to be rude or anything, but because I've seen many eluciens all over social media whine and say stuff like: "elain doesn't deserve lucien" , " poor baby lulu" , "he's deserves better." I've seen many of them hate on elain and then go "elucien supremacy." Maybe that's one of the reasons I just can't ship them too. So as an elriel shipper its not lucien that I hate, its just stans like this who act as if Elain's the villan in the whole story when in reality elain, azriel and lucien all have their shit to figure out. I just hope we all just get a good story and character development from all these characters

Hello there and thank you for your message!!

While I can't speak on behalf of all other Eluciens (though I do know others who feel this way) a quick answer to what you asked is I would absolutely still support Elain no matter who she ends up with whether it be Lucien, Az, or someone entirely new. Elain is my favorite female character in the series even without her having had a true romantic arc yet and I'm just looking forward to her finally having her voice heard and seeing her shine / be given credit for everything she's already done and will do in the future.

As far as some of your other points, I also hate the argument that "Elain doesn't deserve Lucien" or even "Elain doesn't deserve Az". It was that argument that prompted me to start this blog in the first place. Maybe it's because I'm at the point where I realize, while many men can be good men, it's most women in this world who are holding things together and then some so it makes me laugh to hear what seems like the very young mentality, that somehow any GUY would be worth more than a women especially a female who we know is going to lead her own book someday as confirmed by the author. Elain isn't some nobody side character, she's going to be a leading lady so for anyone to act like she's not good enough to be with Az or Lucien is an outlandish take.

Now as far as the argument I've seen that Elucien shippers also feel Lucien deserves happiness or think it would be sad for him to be rejected, I think it's a valid one. These characters are all important to Sarah and I think that sometimes certain E/riels believe that she as the author prefers Az to Lucien overall. That somehow Az deserves the found family and someone else's mate, that he gets to be more powerful than Lucien, that he deserves it all while Lucien should just remain in the human land without his first love, without his mate, and without any real power compared to the rest. The pedestal some E/riels hold Az too while treating Lucien as if he's a throw away character is where I don't agree considering Lucien (not Az) was written into the series from the very beginning, where Sarah confirmed Lucien has always been one of her favorite characters, where she gave Lucien a mate in book 2 and he's remained loyal to her for every book that followed despite her distance, wrote him as the mysterious heir to Day in book 3, gave us his POV via Feyre slipping into HIS mind in book 3 (whereas she only gave Az a POV two books later and in a bonus that not everyone has read) wrote him as giving Rhys and Feyre intel that Az would have typically provided them all the way in book 5, wrote him as showing the markers of a high lords dominance in book 5, etc. I'm not saying Lucien is more important to Sarah than Az, I'm saying that he's JUST as important so it's valid for Lucien stans to feel frustrated seeing others argue that Az will be getting the happiest of all happy endings - which means siphoning off from what we could collectively agree would be the happiest ending for Lucien, while Lucien gets whatever is left. As the author, Sarah could easily write Elain and Lucien deliriously happy together as mates and Az and Gwyn deliriously happy together as mates which, I think would be difficult to deny, would be the happiest outcome for all the characters (since the author confirmed a mating bond makes marriage look weak in comparison) versus the mentality that Lucien will have to suffer through a broken bond just so Elain and Az can end up together all because "it's what Elain wants!" before Elain has even had her POV.

Basically, I don't like the E/riel mentality of some that says we're wrong for thinking Elain's beliefs / wants could change when we actually get to her story, that we're misogynists for believing she and Lucien will end up together. If Az is who she wants at the end of her journey than I'm fine with that and I realize it's a possibility. At the end of the day HER story is more important to the overall narrative than either Az or Lucien's but to act like the most important thing in her life right now is picking a guy or knowing what she wants when it comes to romance when she's got buckets of other problems to sort through is kind of silly. I think if someone really cared about Elain's character they'd see that she needs to focus on herself at the moment, not Az and not Lucien yet some truly believed she's content and settled and her biggest problem is how to break her bond and run away with Az. Our girl was engaged and happy then suddenly ended up kidnapped, turned into the thing she spent 23 years fearing, was rejected by her fiancé, saw her fathers dead body, had to stab a man, lived through her first war, was forced to leave everything she knew behind, had a falling out with her sister, and is not someone the others turn to for help. Trying to hook up with Az on Solstice before she's ever spoken to ANYONE about those things was honestly the worst thing she could have done for her healing. I want to see Elain beginning to heal, to read about her finally processing her grief and trauma and then see who she picks.

I honestly think if anyone believes she's ready to pick Az or Lucien at this minute it means they don't actually care about Elain as much as they claim to.

[enden-k]

btw sry to the ppl who came for fanart and get blasted w all the oc stuff LMAOOO

its nothing new but i fell out of a few fandoms, gnshn mainly. due to all the ongoing drama w hoyogames caused by the fandom over the stupidest things (im not involved or get involved in any of that but it always happened i saw stuff here and there on my tl and its just wow), then all the stupid shit hyv pulled in the past months and get away with constantly, then how extremely time consuming and demanding and repetitive everything became etcetcetc i kinda have issues with playing their games. theres jsut no energy or interest left bc all this above is kinda outweighing anything that made me enjoy it before?

(i still adore a bunch of characters and might draw some again but i really am not sure if i will get into the game itself again. im just tired and nothing keeps me there anymore tbh)

zzz is enjoyable as its v chill on time and the team behind it is a new one so the game is sm more different it rlly doesnt feel like a hoyo game anymore. hsr is also ok tho i dont always keep track w it lately, sometimes i just get a bit bored of it when theres nothing interesting baiting me into finishing story stuff lol

whaaat i mean to say is thats kinda why im not rlly doing much fanart lately??? since there was no major thing that had my constant attention and kept me drawing 1000 things at a time lately. i jump from interest to interest rn when it comes to fandom stuff and draw whenever inspo strikes i guess

rn im going back to old fandoms again and rewatching/rereading/replaying all my most favorite things for some happiness. im currently hyperfixating real bad on my fav animanga once again so i might post some doodles of that or other shows i rlly enjoyed and rewatched, maybe even fate or FF stuff again

i rlly have to say since i stopped actively playing gnshn/spending so much time with keeping up with hoyogames and do all my stuff there every single day, i feel mentally SO MUCH better and suddenly have sm good time to use for other things (also ngl i feel like having to keep up daily w those type of games/playing sm gacha turned me really stupid and impatient over the years)

i even got back to draw OCs and create a new comic again after almost 6 YEARSSSSS of not working on my own stories. im feeling really happy rn, drawing stuff that is not gnshn/hyv related be it my OCs or other things i rlly enjoy like alnst etc (its prolly also another reason why im going back to old, favorite things rn bc i wanna create for everything that is dear to me and i didnt do before bc i didnt have my artblog back then yet)

anw sorry for rambling sm LMAO i guess you can consider this some kind of an update/explanation!! OC art and mixture of hyperfixations, favorite things and whatever im into atm, NOT a gnshn only artist

[max1461]

I guess one of my original disagreements with rationalism is that I'm a proponent of a strong "nothing ever happens" heuristic, where like... ok, yeah, sometimes something changes. Sometimes they invent, you know, antibiotics. Or the internet. And that's great! But like, the everyday texture of human life I think stays mostly the same. Maybe the internet is a bigger shift than antibiotics were, but even then, people are still doing all the same old shit they've always been doing, seeking status, seeking approval from their peers, trying to make money, etc. It's just that now they're doing it on the internet. I think the average person, who is inclined to believe that climate change is literally about to kill everybody or that kids being on their phones will bring down civilization or whatever, is far too "anything could be happen"-brained. No! Not anything could happen! Nothing ever happens, everything is always the same as it's always been!

But like. A big thing in rationalism is that maybe superintelligent AI will be invented in the next decade or so and the world as we know it will be completely transformed. Maybe humanity will die out or it will be a post-singularity utopia or whatever, but crucially: everything will change and anything could happen. And, well, I'm not interested in getting into debates about this specific topic here. But my point is that this general "anything could happen" heuristic is bad for reasoning about the world. Nothing ever happens. Nothing ever changes. Everything is the same as it's always been.

[poeticsynapse]

Greetings! I've fallen in love with Preacher Ren, and i adore your thought on him, so please ramble if you'd like!!!

My apologies first and foremost bc this is probably going to be incomprehensible. This is a collection of,,,,,,, nearly every (analysis) thought I’ve had about him (and mythicdog. Because 1: they drive me insane and 2: their characters influence each other so damn much that it’s kind of impossible not to include Sausage. So you get two with the price of one) at the top of my head. So there’s not gonna be much transition between each thought, I’m just gonna throw it all at you and you can take whichever trinket captures your fancy.

Now *cracks knuckles* lets begin. SPOILERS ABOUND!

Trust and Sausage:

Something that always intrigued me about Preacher was his inherent contradictions. Ren doesn’t trust people and actively believes them to be a danger, yet he automatically sees the good in them (or at least will trust their word at face value), sometimes to his own detriment (the whole reason he’s in Pity in the first place due to the dentist). He says to burn people with hellfire yet uses hellfire as a cleansing, repenting ritual and keeps giving those who he says should “burn” continuous second chances. (And I’ll go in later about my interpretation of his whole deal with fire bc,,, I have thoughts.)

This really confused me at first, trying to figure out his thought process until I realized I’m not Catholic pilled enough. It’s not that Preacher sees the best in people, it’s that he automatically assumes everyone is already at their worst and has to actively make the choice to be better.

But in regards to trust specifically, I want to turn your attention to Sausage. Ren never trusted Sausage the moment he entered Pity. He was distrustful in their first meeting and even more so after he reveals the church of the sky banner or whatever it was called. Nearly every one of Ren’s sessions, he keeps blaming Sausage for things. Saying that Sausage is the one who brought the Gnarpies and evil to town, etc etc. He’s like a fucking blood hound for shit Sausage didn’t do. (And don’t get me started on how Sausage just lets the paranoia? Testing? Unsure. just flow off his back and in fact maybe even seems to eat it up. Like okay gays I mean guys pack it up.)

But what happens when Sausage — the guy Ren has consistently said to the people of pity and us, his shadow — gets caught and put in jail? Is Ren satisfied? Is he angry over the theft but sees justice served? NO. He’s DISTRAUGHT. He’s DEVASTATED. He feels betrayed. He turns to drink. The only other time he did that was to deal with a rash on Sausage’s god damn genitals. And every-time the bandits are brought up, what does Ren say? That he’ll burn them in hell fire. That he’ll go after Martyn, the green one. That he’ll go after Shep. Bunny is presumed dead so he can’t exactly burn him, but Never Once does he mention Sausage. Not to mention how his first instinct is to help Sausage repent while the others just burn.

And then the confession. Sausage tells his story and Ren is finally getting the truth. The trust that has been building (out of genuineness, we and Ren can now see. Out of a way to connect with something comforting, not to steal away his gold) solidifies. This man has nearly the same tragedy he does. Their families both burned in fire by devils they couldn’t fight back against until it was too late. (And, side note, I believe Ren’s father was not actually his bio dad. I headcanon that he adopted Preacher off the street and took him in. It’s why Ren is so quick to call Billy the fucking Kid a good man for taking in Sausage after he lost everything, because for all intents and purposes, that’s Sausage’s father.) Sausage repents, says “I’m yours,” and Ren gives him his dice.

This does not sound important but I look way too deeply into everything and the dice in particular in this moment drive me insane. Ren was in possession of three die for the series: 1) when the die were first introduced and they all did Yahtzee, 2) when they did game night and gambled and played bingo, and 3) when he grabs the dice on the church steeple that was being used in place of the church bell.

Obviously there is the connotation of risk and greed with dice, which are both traits that could easily be associated with treasure hunting. It’s a lot of risk for very little, if any reward. You often end up with less than you started with (Ren tore up the church he spent so long trying to build at just the idea of it). When he first gets the dice, he very obviously gets addicted, before handing it off to either Beky or Eloise and saying that he shouldn’t have it. It leads to sin. The third time (yes it’s out of order) he gets the dice that’s literally ON the church, acting as a BELL, a CALLING CARD. Preacher being at the church at all is a risk with no monetary reward (he cant even get gold in his donation box much less under the church lmao), and the dice tells us that before we even figure out his damn backstory. But when he gets the dice the second time… it’s out of greed yes, but it’s amongst friends. He’s relaxed, he’s laughing, he’s getting a bit drunk but it’s not to swallow down the pain… and when he gives it up, it’s not to have himself “resist from temptation,” it’s to give Sausage something to do in that cell. I think he says something specifically along the lines of ‘play.’ Because Ren’s character is ultimately a contradiction. He’s a deeply religious fake holy man who’s also a greedy treasure hunter with a great amount of pride. And he just learned that the one man in town he’s grown close to has the same trauma he does. Except Sausage already killed his demons. I think this set of dice is representative of not only Ren extending his hand in genuine friendship (a la gambling night Sausage couldn’t be present for bc jail), but also him extending a hand in partnership. He doesn’t want to hide his nature, his plans, like he did with Eloise or Bek — he wants to let Sausage in on the game.

And again, still with that trust, when Sausage is broken out, Ren is stern, but says that Sausage has a choice. A choice to be good. Throughout the confrontation with the Kids members, Ren is consistently giving sausage the benefit of the doubt, even if he does outwardly doubt him at points. The confrontation literally ends with him defending Sausage in front of everyone in that saloon and gets shot for it. He gets close to Sausage and believes and forgives him when Sausage tries to turn himself back in and says “I didn’t shoot you.” It’s only when he runs again, just when that trust was shakily reestablished (I think fans could tie this into Sausage’s distrust of authority and trauma in regards to the corrupt sheriff and how that makes him interact with Scott) that Ren is finally pushed to his limit.

BUT EVEN THEN. EVEN FUCKING THEN. When Preacher comes back to Pity after being back out in the desert for days (a self isolating stress response if I’ve ever seen one) HE SAYS HES HAPPY TO SEE SAUSAGE. He’s ready to forgive him before he even heard about the community service Sausage was doing. And Sausage is so fucking relieved and happy that Ren believes him. Like they make me insane.

This is something my friend said about them before we found out Ren’s lore but right after Sausage’s:

“the word probably saved ren. he found solace in it. he's a person he can live with if he's dedicating himself to the betterment of the church, of other people. penance upon penance. he eats last, if at all. sausage, though? he grew up with that spirituality. he was safe in it. it didn't help him, didn't save him, or his wife. it's a comfort, but it's in the past and it's tainted and it will only ever be that. he says he wants to be a better man, but i think what he means is he wants to believe ren when he tells sausage that's possible. the thing is that he'd do all of that again, and ren and he both know it.”

“it's that ren found salvation in giving himself up but sausage is all that is left of everything he's ever loved.”

Food issues (who saw that coming):

I assume y’all have read my Preacher food trauma text post but tldr for those who haven’t: Ren made a huge deal about making sure others are fed while he can’t bring himself to eat when he’s stressed (of which he’s always stressed), to the point of visibly losing multiple pounds (belt buckle hangs low).

I’m constantly on the hunt for more instances in which this kind of food Weirdness happens and I have a few examples.

1) a quick but easy one, Ren constantly sharing his food and drink — specifically his alcohol with Marty- I MEAN Oliver during the bingo stream. Throwing like 16 potatoes at him to help him when he gets too drunk. His instinct even while tipsy is to distribute the spoils.

2) Preacher not so subtly guilts Luanne into giving him pie, then gets his favorite pie: Lemon. He’s extremely surprised and excited by this, and when Luanne well meaningly suggests sharing it with the church, he gets very quiet. Jack pushes back saying that Preacher can just have the whole pie, as he doesn’t have to share everything, but then Preacher responds with a solemn, “the word always shares. Even the tiniest morsel.” (He luckily is given like 5 more pies.)

3) HE BURNS THE APPLE GNARPY GAVE HIM. This is the first time Preacher has ever burnt food. Even when Oli, the previous mayor, gave him ROTTEN POTATOES he didn’t get rid of it. He held it in his inventory and then gave it back when he said that he doesn’t have much experience in terms of “healing” food. This is a perfectly good, edible apple that was given to him as a token of friendship by something he deems evil, so he cleanses it in hellfire. (Ironic, isn’t it, that the dice he had were also red?)

Clearly his food issues have come from somewhere, but where? I was beginning to think I’d have to come up with my own delusional backstory explanation when suddenly, Rendog himself descends from the heavens to bestow me with another offhanded piece of information that I will look way too deeply into:

Preacher has never spent this long in one place. Ever. I need you guys to remember that Ren canonically resided in Pity pre-canon for four to five months before the weeks that canon takes place in. Guys. Four or five months. If this is including at least part of his childhood (which I believe it does, as he used the term “youth” when explaining how long Preacher has traveled), then when exactly do you think he started traveling. When do you think he started going west to find the men who killed his father, to later follow the gold rush.

Does his decision to become a treasure hunter come from a man with delusions of grandeur, or is it the long lasting wish of a child who wanted adventure in a land that wanted him dead.

(How much food would a kid be able to scrounge up on the road like that. He’d have to earn his keep somehow, or guilt others into giving him food, or even taking the rotten scraps.)

His deal with fire:

I’m gonna go right out and say it. This shit is some kind of trauma response. Preacher has three modes when he’s stressed: don’t eat, blame people, and destroy things with hellfire.

He doesn’t have a flint and steal at all for the first few sessions, but the moment he gets one, he becomes all fire and brimstone. Some Old Testament shit. It’s like just being near one makes him worse. Metaphorically, this could be read as a way to connect him to his past and his plans to kill the bandits who killed his father, making him more violent and fanatic. But literally, textually, it reads as him being actively triggered by it. Like seeing it — not even fire but the tool that makes it — is enough to make him defensive and aggressive (which, as someone who’s trauma response shows itself in freezing or anger? Mood).

Why keep it on him then, if it hurts him? Because it also makes him feel powerful. In control. Fire took his father from him, it’s implied to have taken some of the people from his village from him. It took whatever life he had planned for himself from him. It’s destructive, it’s dangerous, it’s what hell is made of.

But Preacher has also turned it into something holy — a method of immolation as a form of repentance that is canonically frowned upon and actively only used by Ren. He’s microdosing himself with it. It’s one he actively does to himself, almost like how some versions of Christian faith (I was raised culturally Jewish, sorry Christian’s for not knowing your shit) have those self harm devices as a way to repent. He sees going through fire and surviving it as both a punishment and as a way to be reborn.

It makes me wonder, does Preacher see the fire that killed his father as some kind of punishment? Or is he using something that has deeply traumatized him as a form of self mutilation? Because I think Ren was in that fire. I think he was in that church and walked out of it burnt and reborn into the beginnings of the man we know now. I think he’s got the scars to prove it under his high collar.

This:

Do you think about how Jack wrote up a list of replacement sins for Pity and the only one left is greed. Do you think about how this is ultimately Preacher’s downfall. Because I do. I do a lot.

[seraphimankh]

Alright this is going to be a very long post, but I’m going to make it here because I have to place down some ✨boundaries✨ because y’all can’t seem to behave on this damn app.

Last night was not okay. Period. I hope you all know that I do this for fun. I work 8 hours a day, and when I get home and want to have fun here. And when I get messages harassing me because of many things, it takes the fun out of it and makes me absolutely not want to be here.

I do apologize if I sound defensive and mean. I have a very hard time reading tone through text, so sometimes I can’t tell if you’re joking with me or being absolutely genuine. I’ve had a really bad history of harassment on here so I really take no shit when it comes rudeness.

That being said we’re gonna have some discussion about things that were said last night.

1. Asks. Anon will not be on until further notice. It seems because you can hide yourself you can come in and yell at me, be rude, etc. Nope not anymore. If I do not answer your ask immediately it could be many different things. I could want to draw something in response so it might take a bit, I could be at work, I could not have the right response at the moment and need to think about it, or I just don’t want to answer. I am not entitled to reply. I am only human, and I don’t know why some of you don’t have the empathy to think that, and send things that make me upset.

2. The Story. I’m sorry, but in the ao3 tags it does say ‘retelling’ aka a retelling of the Wizard of Oz in MY own way. It’s not anything new, so if you’re upset that I might have it end the same way the movie/the musical/ the book ends, then maybe this fic isn’t for you. I made this because I wanted to share my own twist on things, and don’t get me wrong I love each and every comment. It makes my day, but at the end of the day it’s my writing. It’s my choices. And if you don’t like it, simply don’t read. I’ve backed out on many good fics just because I didn’t like certain aspects. Doesn’t mean they’re suddenly terrible. It’s just not my cup of tea.

3. Characters. Certain characters will have certain endings. It’s really sad when I say I only have 3 chapters left of this fic and everyone already thinks they know the characters fate. I had a plan, a tentative one to make a sequel where everything is new and doesn’t go by the formula of the the movie, but at this rate if you all just want to yell and whine at me because things don’t go the way you want them to, I probably won’t write it. That being said, if a characters fate goes one way, let it be. It’s fiction. Not real. I have this happen for a reason, and arguing with me won’t change it. It will just frustrate me. So please respect that.

That’s pretty much all I can think to say. Just remember to be kind here. I’m a person, not a machine who just pumps out writing. I’m not getting paid to do this, I am doing this for fun and want to HAVE fun on here. I won’t delete this blog but if it ever gets like that again, I might.

My mental health is far more important than some silly blog on here that was meant to just post my art and talk about things that I love.

I appreciate all the nice comments and replies being said, and I hope everyone does have a good day. I’m sorry I had to put the adult pants on, but things really needed to be said here.

[irrevocablecondition]

Can you address representation in fics and bad vs good representation. I understand that taking say a black or trans character and making them the villain is bad representation. Or portraying those characters negatively would also be bad representation.

But i keep seeing things about femme Sirius being bad representation and I don't understand it. How is it bad, when some men present that way? Along those same lines, portraying Evan or Pandora as POC is done consistently but doesn't seem to be criticized at all, however I see people say all the time to not just make James "latino" unless you have a good reason to do it.

I'd really appreciate a yap on representation and how to do it well vs how it's done poorly.

i have a draft about this !! i'll add screenshots of it below the cut, but i'll yap first <3 BUT the screenshots are v important for the "representation in fandom" so pls, read those too 🙂↕️

(first of all ! i am white. discussions of representations of pocs are not mine to lead and i recommend reaching out to other people for this ! not a discussion for me to Lead. i'll yap a bit! but you need to be listening to the voices that matter here and that's not mine)

inherently,,, those first two examples aren't BAD rep, it depends what you're doing, yk? if you were to turn around and change voldemort's race you'd be asked why and that would be (imo) poor rep. but say,,, you're exploring a canon divergent dorcas? say you want to explore the fact she was taken down by voldemort personally - that's a lotttt of power she has, how quickly could that go wrong? maybe her break up with marlene puts the war into perspective for her and she gets blinded by how powerful she is, she thinks she can make a genuine change etc etc, ends up doing bad things. would we consider that bad rep? i wouldn't personally??? so like. taking a villain character and changing their race with no lore? issue. taking a black character (canon or accepted fanon) and exploring how different their character could be? depends how you've done it and why and what your motivations are etc etc -> it's all individual! and again, not my discussion to lead, this is from listening to those affected 🙂↕️

in terms of the trans rep, again, it depends why. if you were to now make voldie trans with no backstory and kept everything else the same? yeah, i'd raise my brow at you. buttt say you take a villain character and give backstory to them being trans, you haven't just thrown it in for no reason and there's actual lore behind it? then idk. i wouldn't consider it bad rep if done well. because a trans person that happens to be bad is not bad trans rep unless the Reason they're trans is because they're bad,,, if that makes sense? a trans person can be a villain! but have you made them the villain purely because they're trans? why? what's the story? etc etc

it's all individual (see screenshots below)

FEMME SIRIUS DONT GET ME STARTEDDDDD. its not bad 😭😭 "it reinforces heterosexuality" no. it's a feminine man existing. or a transfem existing. actually, it's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER 😭😭 and ofc there's instances where it does reinforce heterosexuality and they make sirius petite and weak and blah bla- IT'S FICTIONAL 😖😖😖 they aren't a real couple 😖😖😖 and that is SOMEtimes !!! stop demonising the existence of it as a whole omgomgomg. femme sirius is just transphobic most of the time. and i don't throw those kinda words around lightly but,,, "he's meant to be MANLY" alright well now i feel like fucking shit because you're arguing about what makes a Real Man in MY comment section. "making him shorter is forced heterosexualit-" i am a 5'6 trans man 😖😖😖😖 like you can prefer certain characterisations!! ofc!! but the stuff you say about fictional queer characters does infact affect the queer prople you're saying it to 😭 -> fem sirius post

ahem. anyway. no, femme sirius is not inherently bad.

moving onto the other point ! one of my friends has spoken about this over on tt so i recommend checking that video out and talking to pocs because i am infact a white person so this isn't a conversation for me to lead. it's about latino james representation and how it's a culture, not a race, yet the culture is never included etc etc!! i'm sending you there, very informative video, go listen to the voices that matter here-> video here

AND THENNNNN representation as a whole, i present my drafted yap that i never posted that i'll hide here instead:

[aerbiscuit]

I’m gonna elaborate on a fart-related thought I’ve been contemplating recently. I didn’t share it before because it’s one of those story ideas that are less about sexy fart fixation and more about story/world implications. Also, the subject matter can be a bit sensitive considering the parallels to legitimate health conditions. Still, I wanna get these thoughts down, so I might as well see what people think about them.

What would happen if there was a virus/illness that, after infection and recovery, made people gassier?

This may seem like a silly idea, but as most people are likely already aware, its inspiration is real. Many viruses/infections/illnesses can affect people long after they are actively “sick,” sometimes temporarily and sometimes permanently. COVID-19 has left many people with long COVID symptoms, polio causes paralysis, measles resets the immune system, and yes, some stomach viruses can leave people with IBS and food sensitivities. Gut bacteria can change after an illness, which means an illness can change how the gut functions and what it can digest.

For the sake of this thought experiment, let’s set some ground rules about this entirely fictional illness.

1) It’s not a direct mutation/version of a specific existing illness; essentially, it’s a gastrointestinal virus that’s so unique that we can classify it as “its own thing.” It is very contagious, but similar to most stomach bugs, it is only caught through contact with fecal particles and/or contaminated surfaces, so it can be contained. While it is very contagious during the actual “sick” period, it is much less so after recovery, but more on that later.

Also, for this story, this virus is relatively “new.” One of the reasons that it spreads as much as it does, and there’s as much scrambling to deal with it as there is, is because there really hasn't been anything like it before. This world is still trying to learn what to do about it.

2) The symptoms of the actual “sick” period vary, but they’re not severe. There will be a low fever and a period of intestinal distress, such as cramps and possible diarrhea. It’s not pleasant, but (and this is important), it’s usually not as bad as the really nasty stomach bugs, like norovirus. It’s inconvenient, but may be mistaken for a cold combined with eating something that didn’t sit well with you. This leads into...

3) It is not fatal. No matter your age, sex, state of your immune system, etc., this will likely NOT kill you. The most dangerous this can get is maybe the initial fever (although it’s low) and providing a dehydration risk due to getting the runs during the actual sick period, but even then, it’s not severe enough to be an actual threat.

4) The identifying side effect of catching this illness is that an absurdly high number of people who recover from it get really gassy. It could be classified as a form of IBS, but honestly, it’s more like anything and everything can make them fart. Their gut bacteria gets razed during the “growing pains” of the initial illness, and in their place is a legion of new bacteria that ferments basically anything into farts. Normal food will make them fart, and typically farty food will make them REALLY fart.

5) For most people, these side effects are inconvenient, annoying, and even embarrassing… but not debilitating. Bloating pains can be a bitch, but they can be managed with regular release. In fact, for some people, it can be an improvement if their previous digestive system was somehow less desirable than one that makes you fart all the time. Certain food insensitivities are “reset” if they’re confined to the digestive tract, so if a certain food made you shit your brains out pre-illness, it will only make you fart like a horse post-illness. However, almost anything will make you fart like a horse post-illness, so you win some, you lose some.

This last point is important, as it provides a source of conflict in how this world would handle the illness. Because on the one hand, it’s a contagious illness that almost certainly changes people’s digestive tracts for at least a few years (possibly forever; it remains to be seen). That feels like a significant threat.

But… is it? The illness is avoidable with proper hand-washing and sanitation techniques, so it’s not like it will shut the world down. Also, its mortality rate is practically nil, so there isn’t that fear behind it. As for the farting… well, people have differing opinions on how much of a tragedy it is to get those side effects.

And that leads into the big question: Would people try to catch this illness intentionally?

Statistically speaking, at least some people would try. I’ve been on the Internet long enough to know that some people would jump at the chance to be eternally farty. But there are so many implications that would follow. Would these people start searching for those who are actively sick and try to get infected? Would they seek out people who have recovered and are fart-altered, and have unprotected anal sex with them, hoping for the (very low, but not impossible) chance that the infection will spread to them? Would they just live in hope and anticipation, waiting for the news to announce that there’s a higher risk of encountering the illness in their area?

How would the world reorient itself after the advent of this illness? Would public spaces and events be redesigned as more of the population has to handle needing to fart half the time? Would people become more forgiving about farts, with farts slipping out in public becoming as common as sneezing or coughing, or would chronic farters be judged as those who succumbed to the illness? Would people feel pressured to claim, truthfully or not, that their gas wasn’t due to the illness?

And the thing that some people fear the most: after so many infections and bodies to dwell in, will this virus ever grow into something worse?

… welp, now these thoughts are the Internet’s problem! Hopefully some of you find them interesting.

[noangeleither]

does anyone else still wonder about marcus' place in the whole review (s1e07) equation? like whyyyy was he so obsessed with perfecting a donut? it always bothered me.

sometimes i chalk it up to it being comedic relief but when carmy put his hands on him and he quit, it felt deeper than just a joke about how into donuts he was. i sympathize with him being so excited about this newfound love but it also feels too shallow for me to extend as much sympathy as i do with other characters in that episode who fucked up.

like when you think about sydney, carmy and richie and their place in how that mess started. the whole season led to this episode, and this explosion was bound to happen in some capacity because there was too much history, personalities and motivations going against each other.

for sydney, who represents a radical change. she wants the restaurant to be great. She's ambitious, a leader and creative. but like sheridan road sometimes it can get too much and blow up in her face. which kind of creates this loop of making everything the "thing". etc etc.

richie represents being firm in the past. like yes richie was a raging asshole to syd and carm but with prespective the audience is meant to sympathize with him trying to hold onto the last thing he can, bc everything is changing around him too fast (dead best friend, divorce, co-parenting).

carmy is right in the middle. he wants to fix his brother's restaurant. to fix is to make something better. to change it. he used the Beef to fix his relationship with his brother when that's impossible. hes holding onto the past bc he thinks he can change it somehow.

so with all those factors + ego + the fact that all 3 of them are pretty angry ppl = the review. richie gets stabbed. carmy rages. and syd quits.

but where does marcus fit? the show has never given us a reason as to why exactly he has such an emotional attachment to the donuts that he went into his own little world as every thing was going to shit. i felt like s2 gave a really good opportunity to explore that when he went to coppenhagen but they didnt. or maybe i missed it idk.