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psychicwavementality · 9 months ago

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🚨 🚨 ‼️ 🇨🇳🇭🇰 HK/CHINESE SUOPOST V2 PART 1 HAS LANDED!!

EDIT NOV 11 2024: So with recent Niisato interview news that Suo was designed to be a cool Chinese character, I have officially lost all words. Take my post as my "I called it so hard because it was obvious from the start, but I sure do appreciate the extra confirmation" cheer.

I never thought it would see the light of day because this draft got deleted like, 2 times and running. But it's here. It's finally here.

Below the cut is another long and lengthy Suopost V2 about his inherent Chineseness and, may I now congratulate, even further Hong Kongness! Not only that, but now we have Endo Yamato also starting to show signs of diagnosable Chineseness, and because my CN friend and I are ridiculously tweaky when it comes to overanalyzing characters who show even a smidge of Chinese in their eyes—this post was born! Sadly, because I am slow as hell when it comes to writing, this post only contains 11,000 words discussing Suo Hayato. You'll need to wait for Part 2 if you want to see me Hallelujahpost and Chinkpost Endo Yamato... blame my stupid baka life.

Now feast your eyes upon me having to correct my own errors in analysis that turns out to reveal even more Chinese connotations 😭😭😭💪!! This is VERY VERY long and has genuine deep analysis regarding a lot of China/HK culture/like 8 seconds of politics and 15 minutes of history + the weight behind some symbolism in Suo's name + theories regarding Suo's arc + Suo's absolutely yappable connection to 儒家思想/Confucianism.

Later in Part 2, we'll talk about Endo Yamato's biblical symbolism + alchemical influence + his connections to Suo, and how I can jokingly chinkpost him lol. I'll also be uploading a Reddit version of this post onto r/WindBreakerManga either tomorrow or the day after because I have to re-format a lot of things.

So strap in for a long and potentially mind-exploding ride because this is what happened to me while researching/writing all this. BTW, feel free to spam live commentary at me using Tumblr's comment function or something because I'd love to hear your thoughts while reading this whole gigantanorstus assfuck of a post... I'm not okay. I think I went insane. Niisato needs to pay me USD 1,664,800 for a new heart because I think mine stopped beating multiple times during research.

Before we begin, I'd like to tell everyone who has read my previous Suo chinkpost (v1) to DISREGARD EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT SUO'S FLOWER BEING PLUM BLOSSOMS. You'd think I'd be devastated to find out I have to retcon an entire analysis because I picked out the wrong flower. You'd be expecting Suo to lose Chinese aurapoints. I shit you not: he auramaxxed HARDER. It's like opening a Pandora's Box; you learn about the real flower and then 5 trillion more connotations are thrown at you at Mach 20. It is more over than I thought possible when I wrote the traditionally symbolic Chinese boypreggers marriage room part. And one connection caused me to spiral into another, thus stretching this post's wordcount into unholy numbers 😭

Anyway.

In Suopost v1, I thought these fuckass flowers [IMG 1] next to Suo were plum blossoms [IMG 2] and, ngl! They look plenty like them. But after I read this mind-blowing char analysis + theory document made by u/Snowy-kitten, my jaw fell as:

Oops, Suo's name means Chinese redbud [IMG 3], and if Sakura's flowers are sakura, then Suo's flowers should be redbuds. Damn, I got it wrong, time to rewrite my Suopost. Sorry for spreading misinformation gu—

...What are these flowers called in Chinese anyway?

why do i hear boss musicHOLY SHIT OH MY GOD THEY'RE CALLED 紫荊花. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH M

Taken directly from the wonderful and super informative document which I highly advise you to read to fully understand this post, especially if you have time:

Su (蘇) – sappanwood, a wood that can be made into medicine used to improve blood circulation, treat wounds, and alleviate pain. It also symbolizes revival, resurrection

O (枋) – sappanwood or a tough wooden plank that can be used for crafting, maybe symbolizing the bridge of communication between other characters?

Suo (蘇枋) – Sappanwood, a deciduous shrub of the legume family (ie a small shrub that loses all its leaves in winter), or Chinese redbud, symbolizing family harmony, can be used as treatment for fever (No wonder why Sakura recovered after Suo visited him)

Haya (隼) – Falcon, a symbol of nobility (high status + wealth) in Japan, also symbolizes bravery, power and vision, is an icon of pursuit and movement, heading toward success (Falcon in other cultures also symbolizes freedom, which might have something to do with Suo’s dream – the liberation of slaves)

To (飛) – Fly or Flight

Hayato (隼飛) – Flying Falcon

Analysis: Most likely the key to the success of Sakura or Bofurin’s rebirth, if Sakura became the leader of Bofurin, Suo would most likely be his right-hand, just like Hiiragi and Umemiya

- Although Chinese redbud symbolizes family harmony in Chinese culture, it also symbolizes betrayal/death due to betrayal in the Bible

- Unlike other characters, Suo’s name contains more than one species of tree, would this be a hint of him having more than one identity, hence the traitor theory?*

*I'll elaborate with my own understanding on the traitor theory expanded from the information I've gotten from u/Snowy-kitten's document. Please please pleaser read their theories and their analyses!! It's super super good and deserves so much credit and a lot of this post is built from it.

1. Suo and the 'Chinese Redbud'

Suo's name is extremely fucking insane if viewed from a cultural lens — specifically the symbolism of the 'Chinese redbud' as well as some themes of the 'sappanwood'.

If you're from HK you might already be freaking out with me when you saw those three Chinese characters: 紫荊花, AKA the Chinese name of Suo's second plant after the sappanwood. You might be thinking, User Psychiwavementality, is it truly joever as it is? Is there no coming barack from the HK suoposting? Have we found salvation? Is Suo from Hong Kong, better yet, the Wind Breaker version of Sun Yee On or 14K???

Unfortunately, I have to inform you: no. 🥲 Suo's flower is NOT the bauhinia, known as the '洋紫荊' yang zijing/bauhinia x blakeana/羊蹄甲屬 (yang ti jia shu) which happens to be the official flower of Hong Kong.

Suo's flower is the '紫荊花', or the zijing hua/cercis chinensis, which, in China, can be found in southwest Guangdong, southern Guangxi, and southeastern Yunnan the most. <- These could be places Suo hails from!

However, the Chinese redbud/ZJH and the Bauhinia/YZJ are often used interchangeably (and also incorrectly), causing confusion and mix-ups between both flowers, as HK's 'yang zijing' is sometimes shortened directly to 'zijing'.

Outside of WBK, this shortening is a topic of political discussion. For reference, there is debate around the could-be or could-not-be intentional omission of the 洋 (yang) character in Mainland China when referring to the yang zijing (making it simply zijing (hua) and not the YZJ) as well as how it affects HK.

There was discussion when the HK's Gov. omitted the 'yang' and referred to the YZJ as the 'zijing hua' in our Basic Law. If you want to get a gist of the discussion it feel free to Google Translate this image because mobile Tumblr only lets me embed 10 images and I need to use it sparingly lol.

From Wikipedia:

洋紫荊作為香港法定代表花卉，在《香港特別行政區基本法》第一章第十條提述香港區旗及區徽時被稱作「紫荊花」，英文版則使用泛指羊蹄甲屬的「bauhinia」。然而「紫荊花」一名除在中國南方多泛指羊蹄甲屬外，也可以泛指紫荊亞科的其他花卉，甚至特指紫荊屬物種紫荊（Cercis chinensis）的花。紫荊與洋紫荊兩個物種的花朵外觀有顯著分別，但因中國大陸媒體多依照「紫荊花」一名來宣傳香港市花[註 3]，引致部分中國大陸民眾誤以為香港市花為紫荊的花。

(Edited MTL):

As the legal representative flower of Hong Kong, Bauhinia is called "紫荊花 (ZJH)" when referring to the Hong Kong regional flag and regional emblem in Article 10 of Chapter 1 of the Basic Law of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region.

The English version uses "bauhinia" which generally refers to the genus Bauhinia. However, the name "紫荊花 (ZJH)", in addition to generally referring to the genus Cercis chinensis in southern China, can also generally refer to other flowers of the subfamily Bauhinia, and even specifically refers to the flowers of the genus Cercis chinensis.

There are significant differences in the appearance of the flowers of the two species, Cercis chinensis and Bauhinia x blakeana. However, because the mainland Chinese media mostly uses the name "紫荊花 (ZJH)" to promote the municipal flower of Hong Kong, some people in mainland China mistakenly believe that the municipal flower of Hong Kong is the 紫荊花 (ZJH).

(I'm not shitting you when I tell you even Google Translate didn't pick up on the nuances between yang zijing and zijing hua 😭😭 also the scientific names have me tripping so the MTL might be wrong yet I'm too blurry to correct it properly... if any native Chinese speaker wants to write a proper TL in the comments I allow you to help me!!)

2. What does this mean for Suo?

The Lack of '洋 (yang)':

(This part touches a little on HK/China/UK history and politics.)

Now that you know the difference between the 'yang zijing' and the 'zijing hua', let me explain some possible symbolism that Suo might carry by having the ZJH as his other plant and not the YZJ.

In Chinese, '洋' means 'foreign'. And yes, Suo likes foreign tea and cakes. Anyway, some people think that the omission of '洋’ is a way to be politically accurate as it may carry connotations of HK being colonized by the UK, and the Mainland Gov. is known to be against the colonization of Hong Kong, often being reluctant to admit that HK belonged to the UK in a brief period of history after signing an unequal treaty. The Mainland Gov. commonly asserts that HK has always been a part of China even during the colonial period, claiming that HK was rightfully returned to its roots on the 1st of July, 1997.

Hence, there is the omittance of 'yang/foreign' from 'yang zijing', whether unintentional or not, when referring to HK's flower, resulting in many current-gen Mainlanders referring to it as the ZJH, which if intentional, could be used as a way to linguistically minimize the alienation between HK and China.

Theories/Speculation as to why it was omitted:

There are multitudes of reasons why Nii Satoru could have chosen to use the ZJH instead of the YZJ in Suo's name.

On a practical level, one reason may be because Suo's name is intended to have double meanings—sappanwood and the Chinese redbud—to show that he has two sides to him, most likely being connections to Chinese culture. Nii Satoru might have been unable to use this two-sided symbolism if he used the YZJ instead, hence why he used the ZJH instead of the YZJ; furthermore, there is a cultural story that comes with the ZJH that could very well coincide and foreshadow Suo's arc which I will explain soon. I personally think this is the most likely reason.

Another practical reason is that Nii Satoru genuinely had no idea there was a difference between the YZJ and the ZJH and, if he ends up revealing that Suo is a born-and-raised in HK lad, he made an honest mistake while trying to hint at Suo being from Hong Kong.

Nii Satoru could also not want to be too 'on-the-nose' when hinting at Suo having correlations to HK, OR he wanted to imply that Suo was originally from China and immigrated to HK at a young age — or it could be hinting at his ancestors moving from China to HK, which was common back in the 'golden era of HK' spurred forward by its advancement in the film industry as well as budding business opportunities for being an international trading hub. Either way, it could have meant to be a nod towards Suo being from China and not Japan/HK etc.

On a theory/canon level, Suo could have intentionally chose this Japanese name for himself and intentionally omitted the '洋 (yang)'/'foreign' character. He could've done it because he dislikes its implications, that he's a stranger in a foreign land (Japan). Or he could be touchy about his identity as a 'foreigner' — what differentiates him from the Japanese? Hence why he dresses and expresses himself so Chinese-ly — or he could've done it to show that he's freeing himself of his roots — people who leave their OG culture behind often become walking time capsules of That Particular Period, and the loss of '洋 (yang)' could also imply he's losing his connections to Hong Kong/the triad. The latter ties in with my tiny theory that Suo's hair is short because he cut it as a way to symbolize him breaking away from his shixiong/shidi, yet his past still haunts him in the way his tassel earrings resemble long hair at times. (The flower meaning of ZJH is also very very in line with this latter theory. I will elaborate more in my next part about the meaning of the Chinese redbud/ZJH.)

Suo could also be omitting this character on purpose to reconnect with his Chinese side after immigrating to HK and then Japan, I suppose? This might be EXTREMELY controversial to show in HK/China if he shows bias towards one side's culture by stepping away from the other, and I don't see a way this can be written without stomping on one side's good graces + provoking political disgruntlement amongst HK/CN readers, so this is probably not going to be an option up for consideration (hopefully).

Furthermore, if Suo also shows favor of JP culture/claiming that he's JP over being HK/CN as his arc and that he's abandoning his past identity as a Chinese/HK person, I promise you that some CN readers might become unhappy as there are long-standing grudges between the Chinese and the Japanese from WW2 that are too long to elaborate here. If you're curious to learn about it, search up 'Nanjing Massacre' and 'Unit 731' to see for yourself — please heed a TW for extreme brutality and inhumane torture.

OK, this is the last of all things political, but I promise the historical part will still continue. Let's move on.

3. The Meaning and Stories Behind the Zijing Hua/Chinese Redbud and The Yang Zijing/Bauhinia x blakeana

In Chinese culture, the Chinese redbud/zijing hua has a well-known cultural story behind it. It is deeply tied to the flower meaning of the Chinese redbud -- which has core symbolisms of familial reunion/love (親情) and brotherly harmony (兄弟和睦). And to any SuoSaku enjoyer's delight, they also symbolize steadfast love, passion, and affection; it is known to be a well-received gift for husbands and wives; it can even symbolize a strong and loyal friendship (if you're into that). The growth structure of a Chinese redbud, as said by a user in an online Chinese forum to whom I will graciously quote:

3、倔强坚强

紫荆花的花语为倔强坚强，紫荆花的花朵生长的十分紧凑，就算在阴雨天气，叶片被大风所吹动，不断摇慎态摆，也不会掉落，好似一位倔强的人，永远不会向困难低头，努力拼搏，最终收获成功。

(Edited MTL):

3. Stubborn and strong

The flower language of the zijing hua is stubbornness and strength. The flowers of the zijing hua grow very compactly. Even in rainy weather, the leaves are blown by strong winds and keep swaying cautiously, but they will not fall off. Just like a stubborn person, they will never bow their head to difficulties, work hard and exert oneself to the utmost, and ultimately achieve success.

It can also symbolize new beginnings, just like Sakura's sakura:

紫荊花的象徵意義紫荊花象徵著愛情、美麗和純潔。在中國傳統文化中，紫荊花還被視為春天的使者，寓意著新生命和新的希望。

(Edited MTL)

The symbolic meaning of zijing hua symbolises love, beauty and purity. In traditional Chinese culture, the zijing hua is also regarded as the messenger of spring, implying new life and new hope.

Moving on to English sources, I've basically learned that the Chinese redbud:

Is not resistant to winter frost, but is generally able to survive the cold. Suo's favorite season may be winter, but both the sappanwood and the Chinese redbud are not resistant to either the cold or frost, with the first losing all its leaves in winter and the second potentially dying to snow/frost (like most plants lol.) Despite being resistant to the rain and heat of spring and summer and being able to tolerate degrees under 38°C (remember Suo not breaking a sweat when training in the summer with Furin?), Chinese redbuds fall short when it comes to braving brutal winters, thriving best when the temperature is above 10°C.

They bloom during spring, around March-April. Could this be a parallel as to why Suo idolizes Ume, the 'plum blossom' that can bloom in the cold of winter? For being able to stay resilient and stand proudly/beautifully even amidst harsh and stressful conditions?

Has many parts can be utilized for traditional Chinese medicine, cooking, and decoration. The wood and the bark have been used to treat abscesses, bladder ailments, and head troubles. Treats bladder diseases, post-partum discharges, bleeding piles, and internal parasites; its flowers are used for relieving rheumatic muscles and joint pain. Even the flowers can be eaten raw or pickled, containing vitamin C with a fresh and acidic taste. The bark of young shoots can be used to weave baskets, as the wood of Cercis species is generally of good quality. -> Suo's plants can both weave baskets and act as good wood...

Is also known for its ornamental purposes, and has a neighboring family tree—the Cercis siliquastrum, known as the 'Judas Tree', which is a symbol of betrayal. Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus and committed suicide by hanging himself from a redbud tree. Additionally, I was told by my friend that u/Snowy-kitten realized the kanji for Suo's name is is 蘇枋（すおう), but the tree he represents is Chinese redbud (花蘇芳/ハナズオウ/hanazuou in Japanese). 蘇枋 and 蘇芳 are pronounced the same and one of the hanakotoba (flower language) of 花蘇芳 is apparently death by betrayal.

While the Chinese redbud/ZJH is known for these traits, the YZJ is a little bit different; it was difficult to find meanings and symbolism for the Bauhinia x blakeana due to it being a lesser-known flower + a sterile hybrid flower.

Locally, the leaves of the YZJ are considered "clever leaves" and a symbol of wisdom; sometimes harvested to be dried into bookmarks to bring good luck in studies.

The Bauhinia x blakeana is a hybrid between the Bauhinia purpurea and then Bauhinia variegata. But I could not find anything about the symbolism of the Bauhinia purpurea... I looked at some other ones in the Bauhinia genus, though.

From what I found, the genus has flowers that typically represent new beginnings (is he twinning Sakura?), feminine beauty (he's still ♂ fertile ♂ like that), grace, elegance, and nobility.

Bauhinia kappleri:

Historically, it has been seen as a symbol of unity due to its bilobed leaves resembling joined hands. This symbolism was especially prominent in cultures that valued harmony and cohesiveness. [...] Pink Bauhinia represents grace, unity, and resilience. Its delicate yet sturdy appearance communicates a balance of beauty and strength. [...] In Chinese culture, for instance, it symbolizes renewal and new beginnings [...] Meanwhile, in Western contexts, it often represents appreciation and noble elegance.

Bauhinia acuminata:

The Bauhinia acuminata's striking appearance symbolizes beauty, elegance, and grace. It is often associated with the ideals of feminine beauty and charm. In some cultures, these blossoms are seen as symbols of new beginnings and growth, making them popular choices for weddings and other celebrations.

Bauhinia variegata:

1. [...] the white orchid has held reverence throughout Chinese culture and stands as a symbol of nobility, beauty, and innocence.

2. The Orchid Tree holds symbolic meaning in several cultures. In India, it is associated with love, fertility, and prosperity, often featured in weddings and religious ceremonies. In Chinese culture, Bauhinia variegata is a symbol of beauty, grace, and the fleeting nature of life.

Bauhinia x blakeana in Chinese Sources:

在中國文化中，紫色常代表高貴與權力，而洋紫荊則代表了優雅和力量。此外，洋紫荊還象徵著團結和繁榮，這也使它成為許多盛大活動的首選花卉。

(Edited MTL)

In Chinese culture, the color purple often represents nobility and power, while the yang zijing represents elegance and strength. In addition, the yang zijing symbolizes unity and prosperity, which makes it the flower of choice for many grand events.

I have a headache. 🤕 Am I just yapping or was this all preordained by Nii Satoru?

Do you still remember that Suo's earrings are made of coral? The very coral that symbolizes a lofty status, auspiciousness, nobility, power, and eternity? 🤕

It's all coming together...

The Story of Three Brothers and the Zijing Hua Tree/田真兄弟：

This story could very well be a direct hint towards Suo's future martial siblings + how his arc will end. I vaguely remember(?) studying this passage for DSE unseen 文言文s so I managed to find it again. I'll cross-reference and do a direct word-to-word translation. If you understand Chinese I recommend just reading the 文言文 because it has more of the OG meaning 💪

原文/Original:

京兆田真兄弟三人，共议分财。生资皆平均，唯堂前一株紫荆树，共议欲破三片。翌日就截之，其树即枯死，状如火然。真往见之，大愕，谓诸弟曰：“树本同株，闻将分斫，固憔悴，是人不如木也。” 因悲不自胜，不复解树。树应声荣茂，兄弟相感，遂和睦如初。

註釋/Glossary

（1）京兆：京城地區。

（2）生資：生活資料。

（3）皆：都。

（4）唯：只有。

（5）破：使之破為。

（6）就：開始。

（7）即：立即；立刻。

（8）狀：形狀；狀態。

（9）然：通假字，同“燃”，燃燒。

（10）翌日：第二天

（11）愕：驚訝。

（12）諸：眾；

（13）斫（zhuó）：砍。

（14）勝：承受；控制。

（15）憔悴：枯死。

（16）故：所以。

（17）解：分解。

（18）其：他家的。

（19）堂：門。

（20）株：棵。

（21）遂：於是。

句子翻譯/Sentence TLs:

1、翌日就截之：第二天就準備截斷它。

2、狀如火然：形狀像被火燃燒過一樣。

3、樹木同株，聞將分斫，故憔悴，是人不如木也：樹本來是同根的，聽到要砍斷分開，所以枯死了，我們人都不如樹木。

4、樹應聲榮茂：紫荊樹聽到（田真的）話後（立刻）枝葉繁茂（了起來）。

My attempt at an English TL:

In the capital city [Beijing], the three Tianzhen brothers divided their property. All other assets [means of living] had already been evenly divided; all except the Chinese redbud tree/zijing tree in front of the door. They discussed and agreed to split the tree into three pieces each. The next day, they prepared to cut the tree down, but the tree immediately withered to death, as if it had been torched by a flame. The oldest brother looked at the sight and was extremely stunned, saying to his younger brothers: "This tree is originally from the same root. It heard it was going to be separated after it was felled, and thus, it withered. We, as humans, were no match for/couldn't live up to even a tree."

Because they were unable to bear with/contain their remorse, the brothers decided not to cut the tree. When the Chinese redbud/zijing tree heard the eldest brother's words, it immediately sprouted flowers once more. The Tianzhen brothers were astonished and emotional and thus returned to their harmonious relationship from the beginning.

From this, I'm heavily inclined to believe that:

Suo is one of three brothers/martial siblings.

Suo left/they left Suo due to family issues or family inheritance trials.

Suo's arc will end well, with all brothers reaching an understanding and becoming friendly again.

OR, Suo is the Chinese redbuds/zijing tree in this scenario.

Suo might end up facing Endo because the passage mentions 'as if it had been torched by a flame [状如火然]'. Endo's name is '棪堂' -> this also means something else which u/Snowy-kitten mentioned, it being 'a tree that bears edible red fruit' in Chinese, which contributes to Endo's biblestuff. But let's analyze it later in Endo's part.

Chinese can somewhat be considered playing Pictionary—if you separate the words from 「棪堂」 into three: 「木」、「炎」、「堂」， you could literally interpret this as, in 文言文/Classical Chinese, 「Tree/Wood」、「Flames Rising」、「Courtyard/Doorfront」

This coincides with the "Chinese redbud tree/ZJH" looking as if it "had been torched aflame" in front of the house/the courtyard/the door.

In conclusion, this might allude to Suo having to fight Endo, or Endo having to fight Suo to get him back due to a family feud—and Suo might get heavily injured. His martial brothers might realize the impact of their actions and finally retreat and make up.

Suo and Sappanwood:

Sappanwood can make a type of valuable red dye named brazilin.

The character of 'Su' (蘇) in JP also means resurrection, reviving, resuscitation, and rehabilitation.

The red pigment found in the sappanwood tree (brazilin) has also been used to treat wounds and ward off infections, encouraging faster healing.

Sappanwood isn’t as favoured for extracting dyes as brazilwood, though—the discovery of brazilwood led to a boom in red pigments due to its greater concentration, whereas sappanwood was much less saturated in comparison.

This is pure yappanese but maybe Suo sees himself as inferior compared to his brothers...

That's the color of the dye sappanwood creates and that is the color of Suo's eye and his coral earring. I don't need to say anything more, right?

4. FALCON KICK 𓅃𓅃 FALCON PUNCH 𓅃𓅃

Rejoice!! We have made it to the next section of Suo's name at last!! I never thought I'd get here!!!! LET'S MAKE THIS QUICK (it's not quick).

Again, from the document that u/Snowy-kitten wrote, "隼" means 'falcon' and "飛" means 'fly/flight', spelling out "隼飛" lit. 'flying falcon'.

Reviewing the Symbolism Blargh Off This Page: (OG text has been slightly edited)

"The falcon represents vision, freedom, and victory. Hence, it also connotes salvation to those who are in bondage whether moral, emotional, or spiritual." <- I find it very interesting that many of Suo's symbolisms tie back to things relating to a new beginning/healing: salvation, revitalization, resurrection, a new hope, etc., which falls in line with his dream: the liberation of slaves. And look, I know this possibly means Suo breaking free of whatever chains down his heart, but ACTUALLY Suo will be stuck in 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 bondage and then be saved by EndoSaku. Trust me y'all I'm Nii Satoru's right-hand man

"In Christian symbolism, the wild falcon represents the unconverted, materialistic soul and its sinful thoughts and deeds. The tamed bird symbolizes the Christian convert pursuing his lofty thoughts, hopes, and aspirations with courage." <- I don't think Suo is wild or tame or Christian in particular, but you could take it as current-Suo suppressing and masking his true identity/emotions. And that actually makes sense when you remember how Suo nearly went Insanity.PNG during KEEL Arc and Sakura had to stop him from continuing to pummel a guy when he was down; when Sakura admitted he was pissed at himself and turned away Suo thought 'I really am no match for you'. On one hand, this could be explained extremely well if we view it from a Confucian + Suo's theory of adulthood lens which will be talked about later in Part 6. However, this could also symbolize Suo being bound in emotional chains and having... wtf, 'sinful thoughts'? That he's suppressing?? Maybe that's why he doesn't use his phone around people coz there's a bunch of 料 (blackmail) in there 🤣. And when Suo gets his arc I suppose he gets 'tamed' and is finally free to pursue his aspirations with courage (being with Furin and supporting Sakura), which will effectively act as another new beginning/his healing—further tying into his whole shtick surrounding resurrection revitalization healing salvation blah blah blah. (POV: the 'Suo has no Christian allusions' part comes to bite me back in the ass via. Taiping Rebellion parallels where an ethnically Han Chinese mf in Suo's triad or Noroshi proclaims to be "Endo's brother-in-christ" slash the brother of the WBK Jesus Christ. And then I kill myself)

"In Egyptian hieroglyphs, the falcon glyph was used in words and phrases such as 'god', 'pharaoh', 'greatness', 'year', 'sovereign', 'star', 'hour', 'prayer', 'land', and 'world'. It was associated with the deity of the sky, of kingship, and of the sun, Horus [...] In early dynasties, the king’s ascension was known as the “Flight of the Falcon”." <- Aha! AHA! YEAH MORE NOBILITY HOURS AND A DIRECT REFERENCE TO THE DEFINITION OF HAYATO. Okay. So. This is highly unlikely to happen but imagine Suo becomes the head of his triad branch. Or maybe this means that Suo is the heir to something lofty... deadass the fated ascension to big bad boss which he skedaddled from or was denied from, who knows?

"The Eye of Horus, the Egyptian symbol for the Sun, depicts a stylized falcon's eye and face markings. It signified royal power and protection from danger, evil, and ill health." <- More nobility/higher status allusions and illness-warding shit, typical Suo Hayato behavior.

"A human-headed falcon served as a symbol of the human soul on its flight from this world to the afterlife. Similarly, the crossed arms of Egyptian mummies were intended to symbolize the folded wings of a falcon at rest." <- And here we have more Suoshit related to afterlife-isms resurrection-isms and new beginnings-isms. Chat can I stop talking about Suo Hayato ... he's just a never-ending Pandora's 24-hour unboxing video...

"The sport of hunting with falcons was associated with nobility in Europe, Japan, and China, where falcons symbolized keen vision, boldness, and power." <- 'Takagari (鷹狩) is Japanese falconry, a sport of the noble class, and a symbol of their nobility, their status, and their warrior spirit.' - Wikipedia.

To continue with Wikipedia: In the 13th century, hawking became popular among the rising samurai class as well as among court nobles (kuge). At that time, the practice of hawking was a means of resolving struggles over land ownership among lords. <- This feels a little similar to the splitting of property mentioned in the Tianzhen brothers!

What's more interesting about falconry is that falcons typically wear 'falcon hoods' that blind them, which forces them to be calm.

The bird wears a hood, which is used in the manning process (acclimatizing to humans and the human world) and to keep the raptor in a calm state, both in the early part of its training and throughout its falconry career. Out of all the falconer's aids, the hood is the most important piece of equipment. There are various styles and types of hoods for raptors within falconry. The hood is handmade, often from kip leather or suitable kangaroo leather. —Wikipedia

Suo's eyepatch is made from leather as mentioned in his character sheet even though nowadays, a lot of eyepatches and most medical eyepatches are made with cloth and/or other adhesive materials.

What's more, a majority of traditional falconry gloves/gauntlets have tassels extremely close if not similar designs to the earrings Suo wears:

Remember when Suo once mentioned that he had an 'ancient Chinese dragon spirit sealed away in his eye', hence the eyepatch? Maybe there's weight behind that joke because he might lose his composure if the eyepatch is taken away.

If Suo is a trained falcon belonging to his family—although he's 'flying' right now, either for a hunt or free roam—he's been educated in a way that eventually, he will always turn back and roost on the gloves of his master.

"The falcon was seen as the bird of Princes, the gyrfalcon the bird of Kings, and the eagle the bird of Emperors. [...] A falcon [would be released] at the funerals of Pharaohs. This illustrates the ancient view of raptors as intermediaries between the divine and eternal heavens and the mortal earth." <- The 'bird of Princes' part really makes me want to believe Suo is truly in a high-ranking and potentially triad-inheriting position of power; he could really be a 'prince' of sorts for his gang... The O (枋) in Suo can stand for a 'sturdy plank', and even 'raft/boat', which might symbolize him being a bridge of connection between the 'divine and eternal heavens' (his triad/family/whatever dude) and the 'mortal earth' (Furin).

"Furthermore, falcons are represented by the constellation Aquila [lit meaning eagle], as are all raptors. This constellation is said to confer the qualities of boldness, ambition, courage, liberty, generosity, penetrating vision, and a noble spirit, along with a gift for martial arts and the fabrication of weapons.

"This contrasts with a vulnerability to and enmity toward reptiles and their symbolic qualities of deceitfulness, underhandedness (venom), vindictiveness, and baseness of spirit.

[OP's Quick Interjection: from the source some mf added a little 'that aint falco' after the following part and I gotta agree. But also, falcons and eagles are both under raptors as birds of prey, and from what I've seen, Suo is the only known person in WBK so far to have a bird of prey in his name, so I'll still keep this here as food for thought—as well as a theory I have for later.]

"Reflecting this opposition, the battling eagle and serpent has been a motif from ancient times, common to Western, Eastern and New World civilizations. See classical Roman statuary, the ancient coat of arms of Mexico and the Garuda emblems of Indonesia, Thailand and Ulan Bator. The dichotomy can also be seen in the eagle and the rattlesnake competing to be symbols of the Revolutionary United States in the 18th century."

Right. So. I have a lot to say about this chunk. The first is the numerous stories of raptors, mainly eagles, and serpents/snakes, as well as my theory that the family Suo has been sworn into will feature new characters with birds of prey as their joining kanji.

I'll elaborate on the latter first because it's shorter: so far, out of all of the named and introduced people in WBK up till Rooftop Fight, not a single person except Suo contains the character of an animal capable of flight, much less a bird of prey.

The only person who comes remotely close to having birds as a symbol is Chika Takiishi and the full-page spread ft. his fight with Umemiya which u/Just_EveB theorized to be the karura, which originates from the Garuda in Hinduism (will also elaborate later). But even Chika doesn't have any bird radical in his name. Shishitoren isn't exempt from this; the gang known for people with animal radicals only contains land mammals and reptilians:

Tomoyama Choji (兎耳山丁子) = rabbit

Togame Jo (十亀条) = tortoise

Sako Kouta (佐狐浩太) = fox

Arima Yukinari (有馬雪成) = horse

Kanuma Minoru (鹿沼稔) = ♫ Shikanokonokonokokoshitantan ♫

(There's also Inugami Teruomi who is a dog for "inu" but I CAN'T FIND HIS KANJI AND HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A WIKI PAGE??? FREE MY MAN!!!)

Even other characters who happen to have an animal in their name e.g. Hiiragi Toma (柊登馬) (馬 -> horse) don't have an animal capable of flight, much less a bird of prey, and no one has the radical for bird (鳥).

Hence, I'm genuinely going to go out on a limb and say that the family Suo has sworn into—or his biological brothers or martial brothers or whatever fucked-up triad business he's in—will have characters containing '鳥' (bird) or one of the following in their names: 鷹、鵰、鳶、鵟、鷂、鴞、鵂鶹、魚鷹、鷲, which are respectively eagle, eagle but different*, kite, buteo, the birds that are under here, owl, collared owlet, osprey, and vulture. OR, if these family members have Chinese names instead of JP, it's plausible they have the same pinyin pronunciation as some of these.

*Btw, this is the difference between a 鷹 and a 鵰. Don't even ask me tbh

Next up, let's talk about the correlations between birds of prey and serpents. I did some scouring through the internet and dug up quite a lot of stuff.

Let's first establish that the only person so far who has been shown with serpent/snake imagery is none other than Endo Yamato himself.

(And yes, I switched to desktop just to embed more images, I'm crying. Anyway, these panels are all taken from Chapters 144 and 145.)

The tattoo on Endo's neck, an infinity symbol, is derived from the ouroboros, a snake/serpent/dragon biting its own tail.

It symbolizes 'eternal cyclic renewal' or 'a cycle of life, death and rebirth'. Wow, so Suocore.

(BTW, in some religions... the ouroboros is also a fertility symbol. This just in: Suo, Sakura, and Endo are all ♂fertile♂)

I have so much more to say about Endo's tattoos but that's reserved for when I'm done with Suo Hayato... so let's go back to the topic of serpents and eagles and their tales.

Here's some prominent stuff I found:

Aesop's fable: This is the first example I managed to find. It's a story about how kindness will always be repaid. I honestly can't seem to think of a way this coincides with Suo/Suo's family/Endo etc. You can click on it to read the story yourself. Like, I think Endo's on a path to pseudo-redemption or at least 'potential future allies', and I can't see a reason why? He'd want to poison? Somebody?? Even 'figuratively'. Like, let's pretend my theory of Suo's family having birds of prey in their names is correct. Why would one of Suo's martial bros, or better yet the head honcho or something, swoop in to save this Countryman from Endoshittalk? But well, if anyone can think of anything, feel free to comment on it!!

Thus Spoke Zarathustra:

An eagle soared through the sky in wide circles, and on him there hung a serpent, not like prey but like a friend: for she kept herself wound around his neck. “These are my animals,” said Zarathustra and was happy in his heart. “The proudest animal under the sun and the wisest animal under the sun” […]

“That I might be wiser! That I might be wise through and through like my serpent! But there I ask the impossible: so I ask my pride that it always go along with my wisdom. And when my wisdom leaves me one day—alas, it loves to fly away—let my pride then fly with my folly.”

Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, “Zarathustra's Prologue,” translated by Walter Kaufmann.

This is something that also came up, yet this is a more different example compared to the beginning—instead of feuding, the eagle and snake are in harmony, representing the mind and body becoming one, as well as taken from u/__Can__ from the linked Reddit post detailing what they symbolize:

It represents the highest strivings/capacities in man (eagle) and the lowest and more earthly/instinctive faculties (serpent). They are not opposed to one another but are rather one. Just like the other metaphor Nietzsche used, the tree (thought as the self-actualizing man) that if it wants to grow towards heaven (the highest in man) has to have its roots deep beneath the earth in the dark and evil layers of the psyche so to speak. You have to integrate your obscure and evil side in order to become whole.

There's a lot of tree imagery that I'm not really familiar with but know exists in WBK... such as that time Sakura's branch was nearly snapped off by Endo. To me this feels more like a general 'concept' that can be written into the story rather than an important foreshadowing towards future arcs ... plus I haven't read the book so I can't commentate on the philosophies of Nietzsche, so far the only thing I know about him is that he is one of the philosophers outspoken on overcoming Nihilism... taken from a deleted Reddit user:

People who haven’t read or understood Nietzsche think he is a nihilist, which is a bit understandable as his thought is complex, and he was a devastating critic of both dominant and trendy movements/institutions and their values. I believe he once described himself as a maggot that goes into a wound to eat away at the decaying flesh to clean it out. He also described himself as philosophizing with a hammer. In many ways, he is one of the intellectual fathers of postmodern deconstructionism. Which can often border on the nihilistic, but Nietzsche wasn’t simply trying to tear everything we believed in down for its own sake, his intention was to make things better.

From a site (really good read about Nietzsche and Buddhism):

Nietzsche aimed to overcome nihilism by affirming the unconditional embrace of existence. For him, life was not to be denied but rather created by one’s own value system, and built on the foundation of understanding that there is no inherent meaning in the universe. Nishianti describes this process as “dying the great death in the abyss of nihility and coming back to life again” (1983, 233). In doing so, active nihilism becomes a transitional stage rather than an end in itself. It is the abyss into which we must descend, “the darkest night before the dawn” (Nietzsche, 1968, 12). It is through the experiential stages of active nihilism that an individual strives for the heights of the ideal being, the übersmench. He asserted that living by one’s own ‘noble morality’ is characterized as a vigorous, free, and joyful existence, ruled by an innate “will to overpower, and will to rule” (1968, 16). From his works, it is evident that Nietzsche detested the weak and humble man who sought to escape the realities of life.

I can somewhat link Nietzsche's theories on nihilism with the process of creating the Philosopher's Stone (nigredo, albedo, citrinitas, rubedo), which is suuuuper interesting because Endo has vaguely alchemic symbols tattooed onto him. But again I'm digressing.

Norse Mythology [1] and [2]: According to ancient Norse mythology, the World Tree Yggdrasil has an unnamed eagle at the top and a serpent/dragon named Nidhogg at the bottom, and beneath the eagle there is a hawk named Vedrfolnir, standing for '"storm pale", "wind bleached", or "wind-witherer". Between them, there is also a squirrel named Ratatoskr who carries messages between the eagle and Nidhogg.

From Wikipedia: In historical Viking society, 'níð'(nid) was a term for a social stigma, implying the loss of honor and the status of a villain. Thus, its name might refer to its role as a horrific monster in its action of chewing the corpses of the inhabitants of Náströnd: those guilty of murder, adultery, and oath-breaking.

It's faster to just attach images of me and my friend tweaking:

I might one day do a separate post about Norsestuff and Furin because this is really interesting.

This entire Reddit comment section: Talks about the historical significance of the eagle and the snake in tales, depictions, etc. From u/Wayrin:

This symbol goes way way way back. There are depictions of eagles with snakes going back to Babylon and Elam around 3000 BCE. Of course the image was borrowed by everyone and the Egyptians saw it as Horus defeating Seth. Similarly Ahura Mazda was depicted as an eagle and Ahriman as a dragon. The Greeks borrowed the idea of the eagle as a symbol of resurrection from later Egyptian tradition and then it starts popping up everywhere. India, Indonesia, Rome and all over the Mediterranean. Most of these traditions use the Eagle to represent some great good. Usually a god related to the sun combating the forces of evil the snake. We believe the symbol to be borrowed and expanded (except for Mesoamerica) since they have so many commonalities. A lot of the stories have the Serpent winning over the Eagle before the Eagle triumphs. If you can access it, this is my source "Eagle and Serpent. A study in the Migration of Symbols." It was written in 1939 though so take it with a grain of salt.

And from u/tonycmyk, about ancient Mesopotamia:

[...] The snake/serpent has always represented the giving of knowledge to humans and the connection to earth. The eagle has always represented power over the earth and war. And this symbolism can be traced back through every ancient culture we know of and probably the ones we don’t. Powerful stuff.

Something not related to Suo: So about the Karura... the theorized demon JoJo stand that Chika has in the spread originated under 'Garuda' in Hinduism. You can read more about Garudas VS. Nagas here and the common point between Karuras and Garudas is that they're both depicted as people who feud constantly with dragons/serpents/snakes. In Hinduism, though, Nagas aren't depicted as evil like in Christianity. (And they're also a symbol of fertility... Endo's more ♂fertile♂ than Suo confirmed...)

5. Final Closing Notes on Suo

So, in summary, what do I think about Suo?

... What do I think about Suo... (crushing the chopsticks in my hand) I have multiple proposals as to what Suo is doing in Furin and what's going on with his family. And other Suostuff in general.

Falcon flying away: - To me, I see this as Suo leaving the family for a brief period, similar to how falconers can train their falcons to hunt but inevitably return to their owner. - If Suo's arc involves him cutting ties with his family, then this part could also symbolize Suo's desire to leave his original background behind in favor of Furin. - If the falcon symbolizes Suo's family as a whole, then this could represent the downfall of Suo's triad/noble family too, or that they're conducting some of their business elsewhere from their place of origin (*suspiciously Chinese ringtone starts to echo from my phone holder*)

u/Snowy-kitten's traitor Suo theory: Suo could be a spy in Furin. He could be scoping out the area for his own triad/gang/whatever. But what's most curious is the already-existing relevance between Endo and Suo that u/Snowy-kitten pointed out: Suo’s given name and Endo’s given name, Hayato and Yamato respectively are the names of two ancient Japanese tribes. [...] The Hayato is a tribe of ancient Japanese people that existed during the Nara period. The Yamato is another tribe of ancient Japanese people that existed alongside the Hayato. The Hayato frequently resisted the Yamato rule until the year 720 when the Hayato rebellion broke out. It was a rebellion of the Hayato against the Yamato. The rebellion ended in the year 721 with the Yamato being victorious. The interesting thing about the name 'Yamato' as u/Snowy-kitten also mentions is that its kanji (哉真斗) holds almost no meaning in JP. In Chinese, though, this can more or less translate to an expression, 'Ah, a real fight!' as '哉' in classical Chinese can be translated into an exclamation of sorts (「哉」可表示感嘆、疑問及反問語氣，相等於「啊」、「呢」、「嗎」), the '真' translates to 'real/true', and the '斗' (or 鬥 in trad) translates to 'fight'. So in the end, the Serpent VS. Eagle thing might happen in the form of Endo fighting Suo himself or Endo fighting one of Suo's family members.

Tsuge-chan and Suo: Remember this part?

Yeah, so, wtf was that? Fun facts on Tsuge's name from u/Snowy-kitten again (thank you bro you're saving my life):

I feel like Tsuge is going to be interlinked with Suo's backstory, that maybe he knows something more about Suo's 'family' than anyone in Furin should. Whether or not the XL river in Tsuge's name can be crossed with a bridge from another character's name or not... IDK we'll see if said bridge can be crossed when we get to it or burnt in favor of Suo lol... because Suo mentions bridge building in his character song gg

My final hard read on Suo's arc (take this with 2 mouthfuls of salt): - Suo will be called away briefly and leaves Furin either without notice or on short notice. He might leave behind enough clues to let Furin know why or where he's going. Or he might leave none at all, and Tsuge has to guess and explain what's most likely going on. - Endo might have to fight Suo in some way. Or he ends up fighting Suo's older martial siblings (the 'eagle') and triumphs over them. - If the oldest is truly the 'eagle', then there will be a younger one, the second-in-command, the 'hawk', like in Norse mythology. - I might come up with more stuff and I'll edit this into here as time comes.

6. I Lied

Suo isn't over. We still have to talk about how well he fulfills the shit we learnt in the HKDSE about our goat Johnny Hung's virtues/morals/principles.

So anyway, this is Johnny Hung our fucking GOAT!!!!!:

AKA Confucius lmao. Sorry it's an inside joke

This man is the reason I had to memorize so much classical Chinese sayings and literature that eventually culminated into Knowledge for the Suopost. It was all built towards this moment :( Let's start with an explanation of 論仁、論孝、論君子 as well as 五倫/四端！

...User Pyschicwavementality, wtf is this?

(Stares at you with the most depressed, sick, and haunted eyes) Chinese lore.

I will sadly not be sane if I explained every single one of these sayings to you guys. (Mutters) I mean I did have to memorize all of them back in the day but I'd kms elaborating on all of them so. I'm just going to take the relevant ones that could tie into Suo's character.

Let me first establish: the core of Confucianism revolves around "仁、義、禮、智、信、恕、忠、孝、悌". The arguably quote unquote """""important""""" ones (to today's discussion and in What I Learnt in general anyway) would be 仁義禮智信 and also 孝, of which I will now try? My best? To explain?? Please forgive me I learned everything in Chinese and it's really hard to do an accurate translation/analysis without going deep into culture and history 😭

CLASSICAL CHINESE 101

仁：This is read as rén. It is like... altruism, betterment, and love, I guess? Rén is how you interact with people, it is the innate connection and bond and interaction between human beings. (人與人之間互相關懷，尤其以關愛自己的親人最為重要。) It is respect and love and doing good deeds and Kind deeds out of our inner Goodness in our hearts. It is born from our inner individual and it affects our actions and what we do. We aim to always be a 'jūnzǐ' （君子）in Confucianism, someone who embodies all of Confucianism as the "self-improving and good-hearted" individual. To be empathetic and the kindest/most altruistic and loving person to one and all; to treat everyone equally from our innate Goodness—that is more or less rén. In the ideal society of Confucianism, everyone practices rén. This would mean society would always be harmonious.

義：this is read is yì. It is morality, justice, and helping others when in need. It is doing what is right and according to rén.

禮：this is lǐ. It is respect, treating people with manners, following social rules under rén, showing filial piety to your parents and elders, etc.

智：this is zhì. It is the pursuit of knowledge, creation, innovation, and improvement. It is having the intelligence to separate right/wrong and good/evil.

信：this is read as xìn. It is to have faith and belief in our beliefs and pursuits and our governing body. It is also integrity, honesty, and truthfulness. Whether it be a person, an organization, a business, or a government, they must have integrity as their core value.

(Additional) 孝：this is read as xiào and is essentially filial piety. Confucius believed that respect and love towards our parents should not be seen as an 'obligation', but rather something inner from the heart. There are four 'levels' of xiào: 孝順、孝敬、孝養、孝承 (xiàoshùn, xiàojìng, xiàoyǎng, xiàochéng). This is super complicated to go through so if you're bored and have tons of free time on your hands, feel free to run this PDF through a translator to get a better idea on what xiào is.

To get an idea on xiào, Confucius said that, if our parents became old and we only send them food and money, this is no different from raising a dog or a horse (孝養). He says, "Without respect (敬), where is there a difference?". When his disciples asked what we must do to respect (敬) our parents, he answered "We must not turn our backs on them [or more specifically, do not turn our backs on lǐ (etiquette)]. We serve them according to etiquette while alive; bury and commemorate according to etiquette after death."

But anyway, in turn, parents must also treat their children with all the above-mentioned virtues and said parents need to respect their parents with the same attitude as well. In theory, this goes both ways.

There's also Mencius' beliefs branched from Confucius' teachings (still part of Confucianism):

惻隱之心：read as 'cèyǐn zhī xīn'. This is your innate ability to feel compassion and empathy. Some people always see the "evil" around them and fail to see the goodness inside people and thus choose to be "evil" in turn. Mencius, one of Confucius' disciples, believed everyone was born kind and carried compassion. For those who are unfortunate, people will sympathize with them out of their own kindness; for those who are weak, people will have compassion for them and reach out to help them. He believed that people should never abandon their inner kindness, as kind people will always be rewarded by the kindness of others.

是非之心：read as 'shìfēi zhī xīn'. This is the innate ability to differentiate right and wrong actions as well as morally incorrect/correct decisions others make and reflect on them to judge why it is wrong and what not to do.

羞惡之心：read as 'xiūwù zhī xīn'. This is the innate ability to feel shame and guilt for making mistakes or doing things that are not following lǐyí (禮儀). It is also feeling scorn/disgust for others who do not follow lǐyí (禮儀).

辭讓之心：read as 'círàng zhī xīn'. This is the innate ability to feel thankful when others do something kind towards you, and you will feel like you need to pay it forward. It is giving others opportunities in exchange of your own and taking a step back to put others in mind first.

There's also the concept of inter-relationship hierarchy from the foundations of filial piety, which stipulates the order of respect should go from 君臣、父子、夫婦、兄弟、朋友 -> Lord/Emperor & Gov., Father-Son, Husband-Wife, Brothers, and Friends

Additional aid via. translations of my super helpful diagrams I made ages and ages ago about how to differentiate 仁義禮智:

(2) Analogy: POV you are in Ancient China and you see an elderly man killing a random guy

(3) Because you have 惻隱之心 (cèyǐn), you feel pitiful for the guy being killed. Because you have 是非之心 (shìfēi), you can judge and realize why the elderly man killing the guy is wrong. Because you have 羞惡之心 (xiūwù), you feel angry that the elderly man is killing the guy.

(4) Because in Ancient China, the lǐ [social rules] is to respect your elders [filial piety], but because the elderly man is doing something not in accordance with lǐ and yì (禮儀) [social rules and justice], you will do what is right (the lǐ action) and stop the elderly man from getting killed.

(5) Think: your choice to act and do correctly and the correct act itself is yì; your heart's inner compassion is rén; your ability to tell if the situation is in accordance with lǐyí (禮儀) or not is zhì; and the environmental/social rules = lǐ, e.g. respecting your elders. When you do actions that are not fulfilling yì, you feel guilty because you have 羞惡之心 (xiūwù). Rén is inner moral/virtue requirements [to be a 君子 jūnzǐ)，whereas yì is your outward action.

(6) Oh, and don't forget: 羞惡之心 (xiūwù) is feeling disgusted/hateful when you see others do something not in accordance with 禮儀 (lǐyì). If you do non-lǐyì things yourself, you will feel ashamed.

(7) Adding on to the last sentence in (5), 'rén' is not a requirement; it is inner 'love' exuded from the heart. If you are forced or required to do so, that is not 'rén', that is 'duty'.

So how does this all tie into Suo Hayato?

(Shakes my fist full of documents) so this is where I start CRAZYMAXXING.

If you also lovehate this man you might have already made some connections between Suo and the above few values I've described. Otherwise let me elaborate: when dear old Niisato made Suo to be the most stereotypically Chinese lad ever, he also managed to include a shitton upstanding moral traits that a jūnzǐ (君子) would have, essentially making Suo an amazing representation of core Confucian beliefs (so far as of writing this post in my theory state of mind).

When Suo talks about 'growing up' or taking the steps to adulthood, he mentions one of the most important core values being able to make your imagination reality as well as empathy.

You could actually simplify rén into putting yourself in another person's shoes to see/think/feel from their perspective, and one famous saying from Confucius is to wish no harm to come upon others that you do not wish to come upon you, which ties in with Kanuma mocking the fallen Shishitoren member and only starting to feel panicked once he realizes the same harm was going to happen to him. ("己所不欲,勿施於人。")

Suo also insinuates the ability to chase your goals and turn them from dreams into reality is another part of 'attaining adulthood'. You can boil this down to being able to fulfill what you say/living up to your claims/fulfilling your beliefs. Honesty and integrity also play a major role in Confucian beliefs. There are a few sayings under xìn '信‘ that Confucius said about this:

5.1 A jūnzǐ (君子) must be mindful of what they say and do things swiftly/efficiently/quickly. 5.2 A jūnzǐ (君子) does not endorse a person just because he speaks favorably, nor does he reduce a man's worth just because he has a bad impression of him. 5.3 A jūnzǐ (君子) will feel shameful if he cannot go through with what he said he will do. 5.4 [Text Before Image] If one's name/renown is not righteous, his speech will not be reasonable; if one's speech is not reasonable, he will not be able to accomplish anything. If things are not accomplished, the law will not be able to reach into one's heart; if the law cannot reach people, the punishment will not be fair; if the punishment is unfair, the common people will be at a loss. [Text In Image] Therefore, leaders must be steadfast and reasonable in both what they do and what they say. When leaders speak, they must not be careless (read: 'whatever' energy) or rash.

^^ When you translate this, doesn't this essentially reflect Umemiya as a leader? Which also falls in line with Suo seeing Ume as his ideal 'picture' for adulthood and further aligning w/Suo's statement of 'making your imagination reality'?

It doesn't end here though...!!!

KEEL ARC! When Suo got PISSED as hell seeing his friends around him hurt, Sakura had to step in to stop Suo from losing composure in Chapter 50 | Extreme Emotions. Remember when I talked about explaining how this could be understood SO WELL from a Confucian lens in Part 4?

What Sakura said: 'I'm pissed as all hell at myself. I was talking big [I can 'em all on my own], and look what's happened. But getting pissed off isn't gonna help. We need to focus on what we have to do.'

(Pokes my finger at statement 5.3 and 5.4)

This ABSOLUTELY makes Suo's reaction called for ("I really am no match for you") because right now Sakura is embodying the core values of Confucianism better than Suo was moments prior. In that moment, Sakura was the one closer to being a jūnzǐ (君子). At that moment, Suo was the one who should've been learning and modeling after him.

Remember 羞惡之心 (xiūwù)? It is feeling disgusted/hateful when you see others do something not in accordance with 禮儀 (lǐyì). If you do non-lǐyì things yourself, you will feel ashamed.

Suo was disgusted/hateful at the KEEL member for hurting his friends. He may have reflected and felt shame when Sakura came up to stop him.

It's still not over though!

Suo has consistently shown contempt for those who are older than him yet do not practice the same values of 仁義禮智信! Another one of the major Suo moments:

"Goodness... How self-centered. Even to the very end. To teach others, you need to engage with their feelings and support them to stand on their own two feet for the first time." — Suo Hayato on the most Confucian thing he could say at the moment

How self-centered:

顏淵問仁。子曰：「克己復禮為仁。一日克己復禮，天下歸仁焉。為仁由己，而由人乎哉？」 [1] 顏淵曰：「請問其目。」子曰：「非禮勿視，非禮勿聽，非禮勿言，非禮勿動。」 [2] 顏淵曰：「回雖不敏，請事斯語矣。」（《顏淵》第十二）

(HIGHLIGHTED = TRANSLATED BELOW; EDITED MTL)

[1] "Rén is to restrain one's selfish desires and to conduct oneself in an honorable manner. Once you have done this, all the people of the world will submit to your benevolence and virtue. The fulfillment of rén depends entirely on oneself. How could it depend on others?"

[2] "How do you practice rén?" "Do not look; listen; speak; or do things not in accordance with lǐ."

Already, gymnast-guy has violated the above.

To teach others [...]:

"與人交,推其長者,讳其短者,故能久也。"

"When interacting with people, you should pay attention to discovering and promoting others' strengths, rather than always pointing out other people's shortcomings." [MTL]

Confucius was known to be a very open and benevolent teacher. He did not require students to pay fees; he simply wanted your desire to learn. Suo's really open with teaching Nirei and he matches the teaching style of Johnny Hung really well <3 He's very positive and uplifting when it comes to Nirei. Personally, I also like to believe Suo also sees a younger or past version of himself in Nirei which adds more layers to his intrigue...

Scroll back up to the part where I had three Instagram stories explaining how 仁義禮智 linked with Mencius' additions if you forgot about it. You can re-read what I said regarding the example of seeing an old man killing someone.

Then the gymnast guy talks about 'discipline', and Suo has a vision of his master, which he adds with: "'Discipline', 'training and passing down your teachings'... Okay! I've got a question, sensei! How are you supposed to act when you go barging into another person's home?"

(He's pissed.)

Rewording [2] from my Instagram Story Explanation: Because you have 惻隱之心 (cèyǐn), you feel pitiful for Furin getting invaded and fighters/friends getting hurt. Because you have 是非之心 (shìfēi), you can judge and realize why the Noroshi invading Furin is wrong. Because you have 羞惡之心 (xiūwù), you feel angry that Noroshi is invading Furin.

And once again, just like from KEEL: 羞惡之心 (xiūwù) is feeling disgusted/hateful when you see others do something not in accordance with 禮儀 (lǐyì).

For someone older to be breaking 禮儀 (lǐyì) and speaking on how Suo's 'similar to him' and how he's having 'fun', this was The singularly most awful thing gymnast-guy could've done at the moment as someone Suo is meant to respect according to the age/skill hierarchy in Chinese culture. Not to mention the gymnast guy establishes himself indirectly as a 'teacher' in this scenario by using the phrase 'discipline'. It's even crazier when you realize that Confucianism explicitly believes that anyone can be a teacher to you because you do not know everything. There's literally a story about Confucius speaking with a 7-year-old who spoke so much facts that Confucius himself recognized the kid as a teacher. Suo taunting the guy asking what he could learn from the gymnast is NUTS.

Some other quotes that I think really match Suo's character:

子曰：「君子病無能焉，不病人之不己知也。」（《衞靈公》第十五）

“A jūnzǐ (君子) worries that he himself is incapable, and not that others do not understand him.”

子曰：「君子不重則不威；學則不固。主忠信。無友不如己者。過則勿憚改。」（《學而》第一）

"If a jūnzǐ (君子) is not steadfast/solemn/decisive, he will not be dignified; and what he learns will not be stable. Maintain loyalty and integrity as your main principles. Do not make friends with people who have lower moral standing than you/who are not as good as you are, and do not be afraid to correct your mistakes."

Final Theory Pitch: "Death By Betrayal"

"Death By Betrayal" in Suo Hayato's name based on the symbolism of the Chinese redbud might make one immediately think of his master and his family. Perhaps Suo's teacher passed and Suo's embodying his master's teachings, or his family has backstabbed/been backstabbed. If we go down the route of Suo still being an active triad member, then this may talk about his triad being betrayed and Suo having to briefly live/train with his master under a new identity. If Suo's former martial siblings (whom he respects, by the way, literally so xiào) want to reform the group, Suo might force them to align with his current set of values (which are extremely similar to Furin too—to protect the common people) and avoid harming innocents.

From another point of view this can also symbolize the "death" of Suo Hayato's former character, where instead he was the one who turned his backs on his clan/family first. Either to learn from his master who may or may not be dead, or to escape his supposed triad ties.

There is another piece of classical literature that I can yap about: 《魚我所欲也》. Here's a quickest translation of it possible:

“魚，我所欲也，熊掌，亦我所欲也;二者不可得兼，舍魚而取熊掌者也。生亦我所欲也，義亦我所欲也;二者不可得兼，舍生而取義者也。

"Fish, I desire it; bear paw [rare and believed to have medicinal properties], I also desire it. If I cannot obtain both at once, then I will sacrifice the fish for the bear paw. Life, I desire it; yì [to do morally correct/upstanding/good things], I also desire it; if I cannot obtain two at once, then I will sacrifice my life for yì.

生亦我所欲，所欲有甚於生者，故不為苟得也; 死亦我所惡，所惡有甚於死者，故患有所不辟也。如使人之所欲莫甚於生，則凡可以得生者，何不用也 ? 使人之所惡莫甚於死者，則凡可以辟患者，何不為也 ?由是則生而有不用也，由是則可以辟患而有不為也，是故所欲有甚於生者，所惡有甚於死者。非獨賢者有是心也，人皆有之，賢者能勿喪耳。

Life is something that I want, but there is something I want more than life [yì]! so I will not be greedy for immediate survival. Death is something I hate, but there is something I hate more than death [not fulfilling yì], so I will not avoid the evil that comes my way. If there is nothing that men love more than life, why do they not use whatever means they have to live? If there is nothing that men hate more than death, why do they not use any means of avoiding evil? By these means may we live, but some do not use them; and by these means may we avoid evil, but some are unwilling to do so.

Thus (it can be proved) that there are things that people want more than life, and there are things that people hate more than death. It is not only the 賢者 (virtuous man) that has this nature—all men have this innate nature, but the virtuous man can preserve and maintain it.

一簞食，一豆羹，得之則生，弗得則死。

A serving of food, a bowl of soup; if you obtain it, you will live. If you do not obtain it, you will die.

嘑爾而與之，行道之人弗受;蹴爾而與之，乞人不屑也;萬鍾則不辯禮義而受之。

Giving this to someone while mocking and hollering at them, normal people (people on the road) will not accept it because they feel disrespected; stepping on it before giving it to someone, a beggar would not accept it because it is unclean. The temptation (t/n: 萬鐘 is similar to 'bad temptations' or 'great benefits') for benefits: one will not differentiate whether or not it is aligned according to yì [etiquette/moral ethics] before obtaining it.

萬鍾於我何加焉?為宮室之美、妻妾之奉、所識窮乏者得我與?鄉為身死而不受，今為宮室之美為之;鄉為身死而不受，今為妻妾之奉為之;鄉為身死而不受，今為所識窮乏者得我而為之，是亦不可以已乎?此之謂失其本心。"

What do these benefits have that can help me? For a beautiful house, many wives, and for the recognition and thanks from poor people? In the past, one would sacrifice their life before accepting these benefits; but now, for a beautiful house, many wives, and the recognition and thanks from poor people, they will accept temptation. Can we not stop this? This is the act of losing one’s trait [of sacrificing your life for the greater good]."

A summary of this thinking would be to "捨生取義", lit. 'sacrifice your life to obtain yì/the greater good'.

It is completely possible that Suo, when raised or sworn into the triad, was taught by his master (either in secret or after he briefly leaves) about the importance of 'upholding the ultimate good', which may have caused him to realize his triad—which may or may not prey on the weak—does not align with his moral worldviews any more.

To escape, Suo could've decided to fake his death or leave behind his old self and turn his back as betrayal, which ties into his 'noble' symbolism and 'flying falcon' name in Hayato.

But tbh, I'm inclined to believe Suo's master was on okay terms with the triad because he/she had long hair. Suo's hair, as I've stated elsewhere, could be short due to hair being used as a major symbolism device in WBK as a way to say he's tried to leave his past.

Yet some things may be unable to be broken away from so easily, and Suo, a trained falcon, might be unable to leave behind everything. He was likely loyal since a young age and unconsciously finds himself lingering on old sentiments. Maybe his earrings are gifts from his master. Maybe his eyepatch is from his triad/family.

Still, Suo being from a criminal family and having distaste for Noroshi/KEEL is really interesting because we can see that he doesn't enjoy it when people lack empathy or cause pain to others. You’d expect him to react more to Choji’s gang because of their “violence for violence’s sake” going against his whole empathy tangent, but Suo seems to hate it more when someone finds interest in violence for meaning’s sake or violence for profit’s sake. I think Suo understands Shishitoren is built off violence to become stronger (<- literally the WBK OST), and everyone in SSTR seems to mutually be okay with this in-fighting. There's also a big difference between Suo clashing with SSTR and the other: he hasn't forged as deep of a bond with Furin compared to vs. KEEL and vs. Noroshi, and the latter two have made active attempts at hurting Furin through morally corrupt means (beating Nagato up and taking over Furin for personal gain).

Suo could've developed this sort of morality to distance himself from his family, who may have gotten infamous/profited off similar methods. (<- and this is really funny because Confucius has ALSO said that a jūnzǐ (君子) should not accept wealth or escape poverty if it wasn't achieved through morally correct means. A jūnzǐ (君子) cannot turn his back on rén in the span of a meal, and this remains true even during hasty and urgent times + when one is poor/wandering/living in tough conditions.)

A possible timeline:

-Suo is born to a rich family, possibly wealthy through a criminal empire.

-Suo dislikes his family because of his morals (may not have happened), and his family may dislike him back because he is considered “weak” (could explain why he’s the one who offers to help Nirei or why empathy as an adult is so important to him). Or, he's a super loyal lapdog and hella admires his brothers. Maybe they're the only good guys in the triad. Maybe they're really bad and Suo's also really bad. Suo might have two wolves inside him... the Confucian morals vs. Organized crime persona

-Suo studies Chinese fighting techniques and philosophy with someone (possibly a figure outside his family)

-Suo's family and/or mentor is betrayed/Suo betrays them

-Suo has to escape and create a new identity fully based off of his Confucian learnings.

...

And with that, I've said almost everything I need to say on the topic of Suo Hayato.

It totally didn't take 10,000 words or anything.

What's up next in Part 2?

I'll be writing Endo's version of this post and include some Suo-Endo joint theories and/or notes. Things to look forward to include Endo, Christianity, and alchemy... And maybe I'll even start yapping about the 0.2472983% potential Daoist/Taoist influence Sakura has.

I'll be back in 1 business century!

(Bonus) out of context convos and quotes my friend and I have said during the process of writing this that may foreshadow Part 2 or something:

Me: Picture Endo being Chinese too but it's Mainlander vs HK [Suo] beef

Me: WHO'S THE TAIWANESE 😭😭😭 IS IT UME??? HE HAS PLUM BLOSSOMS

Nakama: Okay so (crackposting) it's choji because of TW's association with the sun

Me: What if it's Chiitan [Chika Takiishi] and we get the Mainland x TWnese "forbidden" romance...

Me: But anyway I find it devastating choji would say cao ni ma wo che ne and its not even ooc

Me: ...Shit now I can imagine endo with a strong beijinger accent

Nakama: ...yamato儿(er) endo儿(er)

Nakama: ....chiika儿(er) takiishi儿(er)

Nakama: ...sakuraur harukaur

Me: endo going BEJINGRR WELCOMES YOU

"You not only ate, you devourered that like you were unaccountably peckish." —Nakama-kun 2024

Nakama: Waiting very politely for ur suopost to show up

Me: It might tonight, I'm typing like a keyboard warrior rn

Me: When u wake up it might be posted 😎

—A lie quoted from the 17th Aug 2024 at 3：57 PM GMT+8, a whopping one month and seven days ago.

"Y'know maybe suo's from oklahoma" —Me, delirious, 2024

The Suo Post's TLDR:

"WE NEED TO KILL HIM FOR BEING TOO CHINESE"

—User psychicwavementality after 1 month of crying in voice messages about Suo Hayato.

(Total word count: 11,781 words. Part One, scene!)

#wbk #wind breaker #wind breaker theory #suo hayato #more suo chinkposting #endo yamato #sakura haruka #THE suo chinkpost #we staying in 青山醫院 with this one 🔥🔥🗣️#feel free to quote and/or refer to this post in any future theories you make with credit!#part 2 coming near you in cinemas on ??/??#PLEASEEE reblog or add your afterthoughts/extra ideas if you enjoyed it #i poured blood sweat and DSE chinese notes into this #i also shat tears but that's irrelevant

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cutielando · 1 year ago

Note

Hi ! hope you're having a great day/evening/night,

I had an idea for a smau with someone on the f1 grid (it can be anyone but I have a preference for either Oscar or Logan), so I'm a fan of the bands Ghost and Sleep Token, which is something so very different from f1 and I kept wondering what would happen if those fandom where to merge together, so the request basically is that the reader is in a band like ghost or sleep token and they're dating one of the guys on the grid, and so those 2 very different fandom meet,

so like how would they interact and all, or maybe there would be some people that are in both fandoms, idk

there's no pressure for you to make it if you have no idea of how to do it or if you simply don't want to <3

rock star girlfriend | oscar piastri

social media au

synopsis: in which Oscar has a cool girlfriend

pairing: oscar piastri x rock singer!reader

my masterlist

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sleep_token Another night to remember

view all 10,385 comments

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sleepingdreaming sleep token never disappoints

sleep_token We live to please.

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user2 excuse me? LOGAN SARGEANT AT A SLEEP TOKEN CONCERT?

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user5 does anyone know who the members are?

user4 no, they’re completely anonymous. the only thing we could really say is that they have a girl and the rest of them are men but that’s kinda it 😅

user6 super amazing night ❤️❤️

liked by f1wags, sleepingdreaming and 10,184 others

formula1gossippofficial New couple alert? 🚨 Logan Sargeant and Oscar Piastri were spotted attending a Sleep Token concert last night in Australia. The McLaren driver was seen getting cozy with an unknown woman the entire night and reports said they disappeared from the concert together in the late hours of the night. What do we think? 🤔

view all 1,925 comments

user1 maybe we should let him live his life?

user2 i never thought i would hear Oscar Piastri and Sleep Token used in the same sentence 😅

sleepingdreaming i can confirm they were there, seemed to have had a lot of fun as well

user3 is it true that he was with a girl there?

sleepingdreaming yes, they seemed very close too. logan seemed to be more of a third wheel than anything else to be honest 😂

op81fan she must be very special to make Oscar go out and stay that late on a race weekend🤔🤔

user4 the fact that he never goes out before a race and now he did and was seen with a girl in public makes me think she is hella special 👀

iMessage

yourname❤️

did you see the pictures?

oscar🐨❤️

i did

i’m sorry, i should have known there were gonna be paparazzi all over town last night

yourname❤️

babe, i don’t mind

i wanna be seen with you

i just don’t want people to figure out i’m in the band or anything, it would ruin the whole anonymity thingy lol

oscar🐨❤️

i’ll protect you❤️

i’ll make sure nobody figures it out

yourname❤️

in the meantime, wanna have some fun with the fans?😈

oscar🐨❤️

what did you have in mind?

yourname❤️

😈😈👀👀👀

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yourusername melbourne, you're a gem

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yourbff damn girl

yourusername

logansargeant i see what you did there

yourusername impressive, right?

oscarpiastri must be a special city

yourusername some pretty special fellas roaming around the streets as well

oscarpiastri that's really interesting. tell me more

yourusername that would be inappropriate

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oscarpiastri music is cool‼️

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user1 OSCAR???????

user2 WHO IS THAT?????

logansargeant you're getting better at this

oscarpiastri i've been taking lessons to make sure i don't screw it up😃

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oscarpiastri 😈

sleepingdreaming this fandom merge is wiiiiiild

user3 DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING WE DON'T???

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landonorris i don't believe that's you

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landonorris hmmm

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landonorris you could spare me the details, thank you

mclaren We didn't know how to feel about this, but we're starting to love it!🧡 liked by oscarpiastri and yourusername

iMessage

yourname❤️

do you think we should tell them?

oscar🐨❤️

do you want to tell everyone?

i completely understand if you’re not ready yet

it’s a lot of pressure being seen with me

the fans are crazy

yourname❤️

have you seen my fans, babe?😂

they are just like yours, if not worse sometimes

they just want to protect both of us

oscar🐨❤️

so you want to make things official?

come to the paddock as my girlfriend?

yourname❤️

i think it's time we tell the world

it just sucks nobody in your world is really going to know who i am

oscar🐨❤️

i thought your friends didn't know who you are?

yourname❤️

they have suspicions

i think that deep down, they know who we all are

but nobody says anything because we've built our image on being anonymous

it's like knowing but without saying it out loud, you know

oscar🐨❤️

so your fans will know you're dating an F1 driver but mine won't know i'm dating the lead singer of Sleep Token?

yourname❤️

pretty much, yeah

oscar🐨❤️

so cool❤️

okay, i'll post a picture of us then

yourname❤️

be careful which pictures you post

i wanna look good :(

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babe

you look good in every photo i have of you

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awwwwwww

i love you my koala bear🐨🐨❤️

oscar🐨❤️

i love you too my rockstar girl❤️

Instagram

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oscarpiastri got bored of soft-launching tagged: yourusername

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user1 I KNEW IT

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user6 never thought i would see Oscar dating a rocker girl

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user8 she really seems to be helping Oscar get out of his comfort zone

sleep_token ❤️ liked by yourusername and oscarpiastri

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her-power · 1 year ago

Text

So Called Chaos (Part Two: Modern single dad! e.m x fem reader)

❤️‍🩹🚨‼️18+ Minors DO NOT interact ‼️🚨❤️‍🩹

Trigger warnings/content warnings: Talk of suicide, talk of death, grief, hurt, comfort. Talk of PPD/PPA. Strong Language. Fluff. Lots of kissing, some petting, nothing explicit.

Summary: Full summary on Part One.

Word Count: 3.2k

(Reader POV)

You stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror, your hair dripping wet from your shower. You stare at the scar that sat below your left breast and wraps around to your back was slowly starting to fade, which made you happy, it was a constant reminder of that horrible night five years ago. You sigh, opening the bathroom mirror, taking out your morning pills. 80 mg of Prozac, 1000mg of gabapentin for nerve pain, Excedrin twice a day for migraines, 800mg ibuprofen for muscle pain. You didn’t even bother to go over the nighttime list; you were tired of taking pills, but it had become your daily routine for the last three years since you left the hospital. Moving back to your parents’ house was a decision you and your psychologist made together, but you were set on starting over, leaving the place where your entire life ended. Your mother’s death after the accident was the tipping point, you weren’t sure if you could handle anymore loss, and there was speculation that your mother took her own life. Your father was diagnosed with early onset dementia, you tried to visit him at least twice a week. He still had his sense of humor, but there were times he would ask you about her…about him, and you had to smile, tell him that they were okay, and change the subject.

Moving back to Indiana was a fresh start, and it almost felt like fate to you when you ran into Eddie Munson. The boy you grew to love in a short amount of time, the boy you thought about even when you said your ‘I dos’ to your late husband. Your stomach churns when you think about Sam, your sweet, kind, beautiful husband, he held on until the very end, talking to you while you were pinned beneath the dashboard, the air freezing, the sound of sirens swarming around you. You didn’t know at the time he was impaled in the stomach by a piece of metal, that once they removed him and the piece of metal, he would bleed out and die. He knew he was dying, but he made sure to keep you talking. “Remember when we went to Aruba?”

“I can’t feel my legs…why is it so cold…”

“Keep talking to me, baby.”

“I can’t see you…where is Lily?”

“They got her out…”

“Sam…are we dying?”

“No…stay with me…”

“Do you think there’s waterfalls?”

You were delirious at that point, you were falling in and out of consciousness, your lungs were heavy, they rattled when you breathed in.

You grip the sink in front of you, a panic attack settling in, you didn’t want to take your anti-anxiety, you need to do the deep breathing. You need this anxiety to go away before you saw Eddie, you weren’t ready to show him this side of you yet, you weren’t ready to tell him what happened to you, your husband, and your daughter.

“We can keep her comfortable, but there is no brain activity…”

“I don’t understand…she was fine…” You whisper, the pain in your bones becoming unbearable, you felt your heart turning to stone.

“You have been the reason why she has been hanging on for these last six months, I know you probably don’t believe it, but she can hear you. It’s your choice what you want to do next.”

You inhale a sharp breath. “Let her be hooked up to machines or let her die? How does a mother make that decision?”

Tears fill your eyes, and you wheel yourself over to your three-year-old daughters' bedside. You take her little hand in yours. “I’m so sorry, baby girl.” You cry, kissing her palm and stroking her blonde curls. “You’re our little fighter. Daddy is waiting for you, okay? Don’t be afraid. I’ll find you.”

You sit on the floor of your bathroom, hyperventilating and you groan, holding your stomach. You let out a loud wail, full of anger and sadness. Your family never got justice; the drunk driver was released after only being in prison for a year. And you couldn’t bear the thought of staying in the same town where he resided.

You lean your head back, breathing in slowly through your nose and out your mouth. Deep breaths, baby. They’re coming I promise. Your heart rate slows, and your tremors disappear.

After giving yourself a few moments to calm down more, you step into your bedroom and get dressed. You toss an oversize knitted sweater over your head, black leggings, and your doc martens. You toss your hair up into a messy bun, dab your face in subtle make up and lip balm. You stretch your back, feeling your spine pop back into place and you grab your car keys.

You had texted him that you were on the way to the café, and he had asked you for your coffee order. When you pull into the lot, you are amazed at how quaint this place was. It must’ve been new; it was on the same strip of road where Miss Byer’s store was.

You spot Eddie’s hair as soon as you walk in, he’s making silly faces at Hunter who is sitting in his highchair, eating a cake pop. Eddie meets your eyes, and he smiles, standing up as you walk over to him. He hugs you tightly, and you look down at Hunter who gives you a large toothy grin.

“Oh hello, handsome, you look just like your Daddy.” You smile, gently tickling his cheek and he giggles. You sit down across from Eddie who hands you your coffee and Hunter goes back to eating his cake pop, while watching a toddler educational video on Eddie’s phone. Eddie leans his chin on his palm as he stares at you and you blush, sipping your coffee.

“You’re staring.” You giggle, tucking a stray hair behind your ear.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He laughs, leaning back in his seat. “It’s just wild that after all this time…”

“Yeah.” You smile, looking into his eyes. The same ones you fell in love with all those years ago; the eyes that held a story, even now.

“What have you been doing all these years?” He asks you, and you should’ve known that would’ve been a question he’d ask you. You swallow a lump in your throat, your leg bopping under the table.

“I graduated from college with a degree in English and teaching. I was an English teacher in the town I was living in for about ten years. Met my…husband at the school I was teaching at.” You smile at him, and he smiles sweetly at you.

“Where’s your husband now?” He asks.

Just tell him this part. Just tell him the first part of your tragic story. The rest will come later.

“He…he died, about five years ago.” Your eyes are welling up, but you don’t bother to push them back.

Eddie’s breath hitches and he lets out a huff. “Jesus, I’m so sorry.” He reaches over to grasp your hand and you take it willingly. You meet his eyes; they were sad for you.

“I’m okay.” You tell him with a grin. “I promise. I’m okay.”

You feel a damp, sticky hand pat the top of your hand and you look to see Hunter’s hand on top of yours, smiling at you. Your heart does a back flip as his blue eyes stare into yours, you take his little

“He likes you.” Eddie says with a chuckle. “He’s a lady’s man.”

“Sounds like someone I know.” You glance over at him, and he almost chokes on his drink.

“I barely had any ladies.” He laughs. “A lot of them just used me because I was in a band.”

You grin, Hunter grips onto your finger and you feel a certain love creep up on you that you have missed for so long. You make a silly face at Hunter who giggles, and then yawns. Eddie smiles, “He got up way too early this morning.” He brushes his curls from his little head. “He’s probably ready for a nap.”

You stare at Eddie, wondering if you should say what you’re about to say. “I’m sorry about Olivia.” You say gently. “I didn’t hear much about it, just that she passed, but…I’m really sorry.” You had known Olivia as an acquaintance, seeing her at parties when you were younger, or when you would sneak into the Hideout, from what you remember she was really nice.

Eddie stares at you and swallows hard, nodding his thanks. “I didn’t know you kept up with the trials and tribulations of Eddie Munson.” He jokes.

“Social media has it’s perks.” You laugh. “Robin posts a lot of pictures of this little guy.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and laughs. “Yeah, she’s obsessed with him. She keeps telling Vicky she wants a baby.”

“That’s amazing.” You smile. “She should do it.”

Hunter makes a little squeal and giggles; you take that as a cue that he was getting tired, and it was time to go. Eddie stands up, pulling him out of the highchair and you all walk out of the café. A sudden pain jolts down your leg, causing you to lose your balance but you catch yourself.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Eddie asks, gripping your forearm while Hunter rests his head on his chest.

You try to laugh it off, but the pain was getting worse. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Just some muscle spasms. The luxuries of getting older.”

Eddie could tell you were in more pain than you were letting on, and you knew you couldn’t drive. You clench your teeth, the pain radiating to your other leg as you lean awkwardly against the wall of the café. You wanted to scream at your body, for taking this moment and ruining it because of your shit damaged nerves and muscles.

“Sweetheart…you’re shaking.” He tells you gently. “Why don’t I drive you back to my place? I don’t know if I feel alright with you driving home like this. You can sit, relax, put your feet up and we can come back for your car later.”

“Eddie, I’m fine.” You sigh.

“You’re so not convincing.” He laughs and you stifle a giggle. He switches Hunter to the other side of his hip and gently takes his other arm and reaches out to you. “Come on, can you walk?”

“I can manage.” You say softly, and his arm wraps around your waist as he easily lifts you from the wall and you slowly walk together towards his truck. You lean against the passenger side door while he buckles Hunter in his car seat. You rummage through your purse to find your gabapentin, and quickly take the tablet, dry swallowing it. The medication would take affect soon, so you had to suffer with the pulsating pain for the next few moments, but you’d been through worse. Eddie shuts the door to the backseat and walks over to you, you smile at him, still gritting your teeth.

“You’re gonna tell me what this is when we’re back at my house, right?” He says, gently running his thumb over your cheek and you tremble.

“I’m fine, Eddie.” You whisper and he dips his head down to look into your eyes, giving you a sly smirk and you laugh. “It’s nothing serious. I’m just old.”

“Liar.” He smirks, opening the door for you and he slowly helps you step up into the truck. You roll your eyes, and he winks at you, shutting the door and you sigh.

“Da…Da…Da…Da…hee…hee…” Hunter says behind you, and you laugh.

“Yeah, your dad thinks he’s funny.”

“Fun…ee…” Eddie is stepping into the driver’s side and whips his head to look at Hunter.

“Did he just say funny?” Eddie looks at you, pure pride and excitement on his face. “He just said funny! Good job, buddy!”

You smile at his boyish face, and Hunter continues to say funny over and over again on the drive back to the house. Eddie is laughing, but also feeling extremely overstimulated with the repetition of the word. “He’s gonna keep saying it, isn’t he?”

You laugh. “Yup. Welcome to parenthood.”

By the time Eddie had pulled into his garage, Hunter was sound asleep. The medication you took was easing the pain, you were able to gently lower yourself out of his truck and follow him and a sleeping Hunter into the house. His drum set, guitar and musical equipment catches your eye as you walk up to two steps into the house and you smile, glad that he still kept his music talents going after all these years.

He quietly shuts the door to the garage, and you stand awkwardly in the kitchen. You feel his hand on your lower back. “Go sit down, I’ll be down in a minute.” He whispers and you nod, carefully making your way towards the couch. You flinch as you sit down, you stretch out your legs, wincing as another shooting pain radiates down your leg. You try to focus on something else besides the pain and look at the framed photographs on the wall. There was a nice one of Eddie and Hunter what looks like to be his first birthday and Hunter is holding a toy guitar. You see one of Olivia holding Hunter when he was just born, you had forgotten how pretty she was, and you could see where Hunter got his eyes from. There was a framed autograph picture and gold record of Master of Puppets. That makes you smile, and seeing all the Lord of the Rings merchandise that graced his walls. The pain subsides and you perch your feet up on the ottoman, staring up at the ceiling when you hear Eddie come walking down the hallway. He places the video monitor on the coffee table next to him, sitting down across from you.

“How long have you been in pain like this?”

You smirk, he gets right to it.

“Five years.” You whisper, pulling your left leg under you and stretching out your other leg.

His eyes widen. “Five years? What happened?”

You sigh. “Eddie, it was a long time ago. I just got some nerve damage and crappy muscles in my legs. It’s just something I have to live with.”

“What happened?” He asks you again and you sigh, pulling your hair out of your bun and letting it fall, rubbing your scalp to soothe the tightness.

“Car accident. We were hit by a drunk driver.” You whisper.

Eddie is quiet. “Is that how your husband died?”

You nod, stretching out your leg again, you wanted to leave out what happened to Lily for as long as you could. “That is how my husband kicked the bucket.” You lean forward to massage your calf and chuckle. “Sorry, my trauma response is dark humor.”

Eddie stares at you, pointing to your shoes. “May I?” You stare at him and then your shoes.

“What do you want with my shoes?”

He laughs. “I don’t want your shoes, dummy. Take them off.”

You stare at him and lean forward, untying your boots and kicking them off your feet. You stretch your toes and Eddie takes your foot, resting it against his knee.

“Where does it hurt the most?” He asks you, gently massaging the top of your foot.

“Eddie, you don’t have to do this.” You say, blushing at the softness of his fingers as they glide over the exposed skin of your ankle.

“You’re in pain, and I’m not a fan of people I care about being in pain.” He smiles at you. “Where does it hurt?”

You sigh, pointing to your middle calf area. “Here.”

He gently rubs his palm against your calf, and you groan, he stops and meets your eyes. “Are you okay?”

“It’s just…” You sigh, adjusting your position. “Why are you doing this?”

Eddie isn’t sure how to answer that, he isn’t sure why he’s doing it. He just knows he wants to; he wants to make you feel better. His hands continue to massage your calf, and he gently lifts your pant leg. The first thing he sees is the end of a stem of a tattoo, covering a large scar. The tattoo is three red roses, wrapped around a thin sword. Eddie glances up at you and sees that your eyes are filling with tears, and you have to look away from him.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Eddie leans towards you, cupping your cheek and you shake your head, tears spilling over your cheeks. You inhale, gasping as a sob escapes your lungs and he moves next to you on the couch, pulling you to him. He holds the back of your head and cradles you to his chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“You…you didn’t…” You gasp and you have to pull back from him. “Eddie…I’m not…I’m not the girl you remember…there’s things that happened that completely changed the person I was.”

Eddie stares at your face. “I’m not the same boy you remember.”

You meet his eyes. “This was a mistake, coming here. Seeing you…there’s so many things that are coming back and so many feelings that I can’t even process right now. I can’t let you see this side of me, you’ve already seen too much.”

He whispers your name, reaching up to hold your face and you try to flinch away, but his hands are soft, and he instantly relaxes you. “What I see is a woman who is trying her damn best to keep her head above water, who experienced too much loss. What I see is a beautiful, strong, resilient woman who I can’t believe walked back into my life.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head. “Eddie…”

“If you want to leave, you can leave, but I’m telling you right now…there’s a reason we met at the bookstore. There’s a reason you’re here right now…after all this time.” His face is so close to yours and you can’t help but stare directly into his eyes.

“I can’t bring you into this…with everything you have going on.”

Tell him what happened to Lily, baby.

No. No. I can’t. I can’t. It’s too damaging. I don’t even like saying it.

The two of you can help each other.

No, no, Sam, please. I can’t. It’s not fair to him.

I think he loves you.

I loved you! And you died.

Tell him, baby.

You squeeze your eyes shut, shaking your head, tears continuing to spill on your cheeks. This was too much; all of this was too much.

You take his hands away from your face, pressing your forehead against his. You couldn’t tell him.

Not yet.

You couldn’t tell him about your baby girl.

Your forever three-year-old.

Not yet.

So instead, you kiss him.

(Taglist - thank you for all your support my beauties, it means the world - @mysticpeachobject @kellsck @eddiesguitarskills @fearless-wretch-insanity @darknesseddiem @amberolivia666

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fluff #stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fem!reader #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson series

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syuga-s · 5 months ago

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looking for love?

masterlist [from oldest to latest]

The Last Time

pairing. Jooheon x gn!reader [MONSTA X] w.c 4.3k genre. angst, a little fluff maybe, to this time I still don't know how to classify it

As long as we are together, even the endless maze is paradise.

pairing. Changkyun x gn!reader [MONSTA X] w.c 1.8k genre. fluff

when you met them [part of the 'destined to be strangers' series I never continued]

pairing. Minghao x gn!reader [SVT] w.c 3.3k genre. coming of age, fluff, a dash of angst

and love has vanished [part of the 'destined to be strangers' series I never continued]

pairing. Jihoon x gn!reader, Junhui x gn!reader [SVT] w.c 5.6k genre. coming of age, fluff, a dash of angst

just another night

pairing. Seungsik x gn!reader [VICTON] w.c 5.2k genre. fluff, friends in love

feelings are a fickle thing

pairing. Jungkook x gn!reader, Yoongi x gn!reader [BTS] w.c 15.2k genre. PURE ANGST bc i'm f*cking insane, suggestive themes, ANGST!

cool with you

pairing. idol!Hyungwon x gn!reader [MONSTA X] w.c 1.5 k genre. fluff and my delusions

whispers in the dark 🔞

pairing. my loveYoongi x afab!reader [BTS] w.c 4.7 k genre. fluff, sUgGeStIvE kinda, just romantic first encounters

my love mine all mine 🔞

pairing. Johnny x afab!reader [NCT 127] w.c 7.8 k genre. fluff, angst, slight smut

the art of seduction... and hair pulling 🔞

pairing. Oikawa x female!reader, implied Makki x reader & Iwaizumi x reader i'm sorry [HAIKYUU] w.c. I genuinely don't know around 2.6k (???) genre. crack, suggestive

when i'm quiet on the other side, know that i'm loving you 🔞 NSFW!!!

pairing. Namjoon x female!reader (also Jungkook & reader used to be together) [BTS] w.c. around 12k 🤭 genre. Smut. friends to lovers-ish, pwp, angst (bc it wouldn't be me if there wasn't angst lmao), more pwp, AND FLUFF OFC

who do you blame? 🔞

pairing. Yoongi x fem!reader, Taehyung x fem!reader [BTS] w.c. 11.9k genre. hello again ANGST, slight smut, romance

love you yes 🔞🚨🔞🔞‼️ NSFW!!!

pairing. changkyun x fem!reader [MONSTA X] w.c. 7.3k genre. this time is just SMUT i'm sorry

you're my home so take me there 🔞🔞

pairing. time skip!hanamaki takahiro x fem!reader [HAIKYUU] w.c. 7k genre. SMUT, filthy friends to lovers 👅

something good can work [a.k.a who do you blame part two]

pairing. Yoongi x fem!reader, Taehyung x fem!reader [BTS] w.c. 8.2k genre. same ol' angst sorry, nothing smutty just big emotions

i made my fiancés tinder profile

pairing. non-idol!jeon jungkook x fem!reader [BTS] w.c. 8.5k genre. fluff, cute and angsty friends to lovers <333

HOW DO WE FEEL ABOUT THE MASTERLIST? EASY ON THE EYESSS?? PLS LMK 💓💓💓

a/n. it felt weird to see that over the past (almost) 4 years, i've been slowly building up this little blog and UNTIL now I see that i've published 16 fics WHATT, it may not be much but idk I never stopped to think that i've wrote THAT thanks for being here and feeding my lil heart my lovelies, thanks for urging me to make this post @indecisivemultifandomscum 🥹

#syuga-s masterlist #syuga-s #masterlist #mlist #multifandom account #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts imagines #bts scenarios #monsta x smut #monsta x fanfic

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daphnebowen · 1 year ago

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percy jackson episode five thoughts

I skipped a couple episodes where I wrote down my thoughts, but I'm about to rewatch and write don't worry! warning: lots of screaming, fangirling, heart attacks, and nonsense below :))

also these are all just copied straight from the notebook I use when I'm writing down my thoughts and I barely proofread them :)

Annabeths trust in Percy being alive is literally just like her belief that Luke is alive later on and even though it's kinda sorta different (or at least people are gonna treat it that way) I'm all here for it

WHY WERE THE FATES SO CREEPY HELLO

AAAAAHHHH THE PERCABETH HUGGGG I IGNORED SO MANY SPOILERS AND IM SO GLAD 2 minutes in and I'm already fangirling so hard haha

is Grover blushing at them??

"surprise" omg Walker 😭🥹

the droplet of water clinging to walkers chin is so distracting

"I'm the last person to realize this aren't I?" It's okay Percy

his eyes are SO FREAKING BLUE it's giving zac efron from hsm2

"it doesn't have to be a thing, yk. That you hugged me." OHKAY HES NOT ENTIRE CLULESS THIS IS FAN SERVICE RIGHT HERE WE KNOW THAT IT MOST ABSOLUTELY WILL BE A THING LMAO and annabeths "oh boy" and Grover's clear exasperation HAHAH

where the heck did the motorcycle go lol we know it's ares but like it doesn't take that long to drive

"we're all gonna die... eventually" wise words Percy wise words

ugh the fact that it's Luke's string 💔

Ares ‼️‼️‼️

Ok but why is ares literally EXACTLY how I thought he would be?!?!

"that's my cousin? what kind of family is this?" A dysfunctional one for sure, sorry Percy you're in for a rough ride

ares starting a fight on twitter is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY and yet so in character lmao

"I'm gonna kill him" same Percy SAME I will gladly help you - although all things considered I am glad they decided to keep delinquent percy in the show

they keep bringing up the "push someone down a flight of stairs" thing! There's no way this is just a coincidence anymore, what with chalice of the gods and earlier on with Annabeth and like... they're obviously doing it on purpose. is that gonna be the shows new thing?? trusting someone enough so that if they can push you down the stairs they're the one? idk man, love the metaphor tho

PLS LET THERE BE THE ZOO TRUCK SCENE OH MY PLS

leah's eyebrow quirk is 💋

WATERLAND IS PERFECT OMG

walker portrayed Percy's anxiety and nervousness and scaredness (is that a word?) perfectly

Can't tell if Grover is actually a history buff or playing Ares so he will talk but that scene was actually cool, I like the change they made to have Grover stay behind (this was what I wrote originally, but now after seeing peoples interpretations and opinions and things I know he was playing ares and I think it's BRILLIANT how smartly he played the god of war. Good for you buddy!)

"I didn't say anything" "I can feel you thinking it" OHKAY THEN

thrill ride of love = flawless. No words. I am speechless.

"I hate kids" relatable

ARES IS ACTUALLY BEING SMART AND MAKING SENSE FOR ONCE not to mention he's so funny and so relatable!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH SEAWEED BRAIN ALERT 🚨 SEAWEED BRAIN ALERT 🚨 SHE CALLED HIM SEAWEED BRAIN AND I LOVED IT never mind the actual SCREAM i let out lmao

is Annabeth about to cry?!?!

yeah she's definitely about to cry

why am I so scared. This cannot be happening. What?? What??? he's the main character. main characters don't die. well except for Magnus chase BUT THOSE ARE DIFFERENT GODS AND DIFFERENT RULES NO WALKER

why am I actually so scared about this chair thing omg

(I would just like to say that I was so speechless and in shock throughout the whole chair thing, so I didn't write down a single quote but I loved them all I just was in too much shock to pause the show lol)

um.

WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED.

WHY IS MY BABY GOLD

WHY IS MY CHILD GOLDDDD

I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW THIS DEFINITELY DIDNT HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS MY BRAIN IS TOO SLOW FOR THIS 😭😭😭

oh my gosh ITS HEPHEASTUS

dude the way that door suddenly opened scared the crap out of me

leah is absolutely shining as Annabeth, her monologue was so profound and heartfelt, love that addition 💗

THAT CLIFFHANGER GOES CRAZYYYY

okay of course those of us who read the books know who really stole the lightning bolt and stuff but the clueless fools just watching the show are gonna be like OMG WHO WHO and even if they piece it together technically they'll only be half right. and their confusion and confidence in what they think they know is going to be SO entertaining in the coming weeks hehehehe and even throughout the whole series if we continue to get green lights for the series

but yes that episode was utter perfection! Now for the teaser...

WHO DID PERCY JUST TACKLE EXCUSE ME

duuuuude. The lotus casino is MASSIVE and actually super pretty I cannot wait for the episode tomorrow!

WHY IS PERCY DRIVING OMG THIS IS NOT LEGAL although tell me why he is literally better at driving than I am HAHAHAHAHAH

ugh and that is it! Those are all my random thoughts from the episode! thanks for reading :))

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy series #percy jackson and the olympians #percy pjo #pjo tv show #annabeth chase #ares #grover underwood

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shiftingwithaudalynn · 1 year ago

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just realized i never did a proper intro oops.

i'm alex/alexis (people mainly call me alex)

i'm 15 (16 in very early july)

i'm still fairly new to posting on tumblr?? (i've been reading posts for like 2 years on and off) idk etiquette and stuff but i absolutely love how supportive ppl on here are omg 🫶🫶

my pronouns are She/Her

i've been shifting for almost 4 years now, but i've only minishifted so far 🙏🚨

my main dr is PJO, but i have a lot of others (THG, Tsitp, St, Fame, etc)

Idk what else to say about myself

idk if you don't wanna interact with me bc i'm a minor that's fine but like im okay with everyone interacting with my page (minus antis bc i do NOT like them, or like any other bad ppl, if you're like idk racist or homophobic [etc] pls STAY AWAY!!)

Sorry for all the idk's i'm so confused on what to write here ...

anyways i love hearing abt like anything to do w shifting so if anyone wants to be friends YES PLS🙏‼️

also if i ever mess anything up or say something wrong or like give accidental miss-info pls tell me so i can learn !! i try my best but im not always the brightest

#shifting #reality shifting #shifting realities #shift #shifters #desired reality #shiftblr #intro post #?? am i doing this right

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lovelyinspiration1463 · 2 years ago

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Loki S2 E3 Spoilers Ahead!

My thoughts while watching the episode for the first time:

Is that him as a kid?

I considered for a hot second that Loki might be that horse.

There is never a moment too dire for Mobius to grab a snack, and I relate to that on a deep and personal level.

Boy, Marvel will do anything to plaster their name on screen as much as possible.

*science mumbo jumbo*

I think this variant has gotten himself electrocuted one too many times.

I wouldn’t be standing right in front of that, my dude.

Well, yeah, now he’s giving off more ‘take over the world’ vibes. Proper Frankenstein over here.

Prototype? Yeah, no kidding. That thing let off a few bright sparks and then just died.

Mustache guy looked so scandalized, I can’t 😭😭😭

“Hornswoggler”? That is my new favorite word.

Is that an offer or a threat? Sounds more like a threat.

Where can I get myself a guy who will pass out money at the snap of my fingers???

I know it’s loud in there, but is no one else hearing the talking purse?

Nice cover, Mobius.

Oop. Old hornswoggler is back and wants a refund. I’m shocked. The machine looked so impressive just… fizzling the way that it did.

This has very quickly become a Charlie Chaplin sketch.

Okay, first of all, Mullet Hair, can you chill??? Killing the same dude over and over and over again is not gonna secure free will for people! Can we discuss? For even just a millisecond?! Are we able to think through our actions?

He ruined your life? Listen here, Sylvie; while you’ve been living it up at McDonalds, the universe has been falling apart! Think outside yourself for two seconds!

His face! 💀💀💀

Are these two seriously having a moment? Cease and desist immediately.

“A long time ago-“ in a galaxy far, far away. No, wait; wrong franchise.

That’s your biggest takeaway? Seriously?

“Rat bags”? Mustache Man is just full of zingers!

Did Loki literally just run in a circle??

Ooh, Miss Minutes is a bit snappy. She really wants everyone to know how clever she is.

Oh my gosh, they are not cramming another slapdash love story into the show 😫 I do not care about this! I came here to see Loki! Every second he’s not on screen, a little part of me dies…

Miss Minutes in the background: 😞

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

I have a feeling Renslayer is suddenly gonna be much more amenable to joining Loki and Mobius now.

All those mannequins are so creepy.

A Rolodex? That’s his life’s work?

Okay… this just got weird on so many levels.

OKAY THIS JUST GOT SUPER WEIRD! 🚩‼️🚨 IF SHE POSSESSES ONE OF THOSE MANNEQUINS I AM SO OUTTA HERE

🎶 People always told me, be careful of what you do, don't go around breaking young girls' hearts. And mother always told me, be careful of who you love. And be careful of what you do, ‘cause the lie becomes the truth - hey hey!🎶

Dude, how did she even get here?

*dramatic entrance at the perfect time*

Mobius, look at her! I don’t think Ravonna is in the best headspace rn.

How many people are gonna barge in here??? Does he have any security at all? Even a single lock?

Also, are we really doing this again? This episode is bloated with will they/won’t they moments. It’s a “won’t” from me. I’ve decided.

The hair! 😍💯

So is Loki just gonna lie there and watch, or…?

So everyone gets free will but him? How do you know he won’t make better choices? He can’t be the one singular person in all of existence that is fated to be something specific!

Okay now I’m starting to feel a little bad for him.

“I can make my own choices.” That’s what I’m saying!

Who put Sylvie in charge? I’m sorry, but last time I checked, Loki doesn’t answer to you!

Seriously? You’re just abandoning her there??? Murder was a bad thing two seconds ago and now you’re both chill about it?

Aww, poor Sylvie. She really is the greatest victim in all this. How dare she be forced to decide to obsess over something 🙄

Yeah, I’m not sure sticking the two of them together is a good idea. I mean technically he’s dead, but what has that ever meant in the MCU?

Oooh, never mind - he’s dead dead. …Well, even so. Loki’s come back from worse.

Can any of these characters just pick a side?! Stop betraying each other so often; I can’t keep up! Who’s working with who???

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er4sur3 · 6 months ago

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ummm i like glee btw. i fucking hate rachel berry tho, i love kurt hummel… not like romantically bc i’m not exactly a dude but i’m not a girl or a non-binary person either, i’m kind of all and nothing at the same time, but i love him like my favorite beetle in a terrarium. my dad says i get too worked up over the show and keeps asking if it’s kid friendly, it’s 14+ which means even if i had restrictions on i COULD watch it, but oh my god rachel is so fucking annoying like why did you leave the group just bc you didn’t get a solo ONCE. you didn’t have to throw a temper tantrum just bc the stick up your ass went a few inches to the left causing you to become a menace for the next 45 minutes. and she always mistreats kurt, like kurt will literally do the most for you and you just don’t care about him at all, you just see him as a yesman or whatever. and why did she get THAT many chances at NYADA if she choked in front of that lady who’s name i can’t remember rn?? not only did she choke, got in BEFORE kurt even though she fucking choked and was a nuisance for all that time, but then she LEFT for her SHIT ACTING CAREER and STILL HAD A HAPPY LIFE?? DOWNFALL PLEASE! ONE ORDER OF HUMBLE!! artie gets on my nerves lowkey bc why does he learn a valuable lesson ab feminism in one episode and he’s like “ok i’ve learned that women are actually amazing let’s go tina!! 😇” and then the next episode he’s calling a woman a hoe with that stupid black accent. like i like the actor i just wish the writers didn’t make artie so fucking annoying. AND WHY DOES HE HAVE A BLACK ACCENT?? I CAN UNDERSTAND IN 2009 BC OF WHITE PPL GETTING INTO RAP BUT IN 2015 DAWG?? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING ALL THAT?? i love klaine but i was kind of rooting for kam… and i know it would’ve happened but i rlly think glee just doesn’t like bi ppl… (i would never survive), also let’s talk ab how tina’s character was completely erased. or at least the parts she had. at first she was this cool emo girl who had a good voice, joined in for the irony, and she didn’t cry all the fucking time, only sometimes. but during 4-5, she’s hitting on BLAINE, A GAY GUY WHO SAID HE WASNT INTO GIRLS MULTIPLE TIMES, CRYING EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF HER SCREENTIME, AND IK SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BI BC THERES NO WAY YOU’RE GONNA SING I KISSED A GIRL AND NOT DO THAT… S1 TINA PLEASSEEEE TURN INTO A BAT I MISS YOUUUUU…. COME HOOOOMEE…. lowkey though kurt’s pompadour jumpscared me when i first was watching the show, it was crazy… santana actually clocked kurt with that speech tho i’m sorry like i’m his biggest fan but u got clocked girl… don’t even get me started on fucking noah puckerman, like you were a flop all through-out highschool and when you go back to said highschool for your half-brother who you were barely a good half brother to, you flirt with his ex girlfriend WHOS STILL A MINOR‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🚨🚨🚨 AND I THINK HE HAD SEX WITH HER?? LIKE WHAT??? BUDDY… i can see how the characters reflected the actor since…. looks at the actor… everytime will schuester stalked those kids an angel lost its wings, like why was he always just around. and why do those kids know where he lives?? why do they know his fucking phone number??? why does he say “they’re his best friends”??? LIKE BUDDY… UR A GROWN MAN….. U CANNOT DO ALL THIS AS A GUY WHO CAN LEGALLY BUY A BEER…. AND LET ME TELL U AB MY FEELINGS WITH SEASON 4-5. dude all the main characters got replaced with fucking ebay ass copies of the original cast, like how about you give me more klaine and not whatever the fuck KITTY WILDE WAS. i’m sorry but i actually hate kitty, like she wasn’t an iconic mean like quinn or santana was, she was just fucking awful. like how do you give a girl an eating disorder PURPOSEFULLY and blame her when she passes out on stage and LET people blame her??? like dude i will grab you by your fucking hair and throw you into a human pyramid like bowling, don’t play with me. they should have never replaced kurt and mercedes friendship for kurt and rachel, like kurt and santana? sure! kurt and quinn? yea. kurt and sam? why-

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the-good-bad-truth · 7 months ago

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I've never despised a stranger this much in my whole fucking life. From the bottom of my heart: 🗣️ 🪘🖕FUCK HER 📣🚨‼️

She is definitely on my shit list of celebrities for sure. Some other celebs/famous people I absolutely despise with a passion Mark Wahlberg, Kanye, Kim Kardashian, the Paul brothers, Kendall Jenner, Chris brown. I'm sure there's more but I just can't think of them.

I feel like this year especially and I feel like it started around 2020, I have just grown tired of celebrity bullshit and their games they like to play or when they do not even questionable shit but straight up crimes and diabolical, evil shit and everyone just dismisses it like nothing because they like skims or because he is a man, he is a father, she is a mother, a woman, their just human like us. If they were so in touch with being "human" they wouldn't beat other humans, (mark and Chris), they wouldn't humiliate a woman for a fucking music video (Kanye) or record dead bodies (logan). They wouldn't set beauty standards so high their sisters and daughters could not reach (Kim) or complain about being a model and how difficult their life is (Kendall) or my favorite abuse their twin flame (Megan).

Sorry for the little rant, I just had to get it off my chest.

#megan fox #celebrities #hollywood

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her-power · 1 year ago

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So Called Chaos (Part Three: Modern single dad! e.m x fem reader)

❤️‍🩹🚨‼️18+ Minors DO NOT interact ‼️🚨❤️‍🩹

Trigger warnings/content warnings: Talk of Grief, Child loss, Death. Description of a dead body. Description of suicide attempts. Strong language. Angst. Fluff. Comfort. Strong Sexual Content (not explicit MINORS AGAIN GO AWAY THIS ISN'T FOR YOU)

Summary: Full summary on Part One.

Word Count: 6.7k

Author's Note: If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts/ideations, please please please reach out for help. Your life matters. You are loved. We love you.

Eddie could still feel the tingle of your lips against his hours after you parted ways. The way he could taste your tears as you held his head, curling your hands through his hair, kissing with so much passion and urgency. When you had your first kiss, you were kids, teenagers. This kiss was different, this kiss held so many different emotions, emotions that confused you, emotions that you were giving off of a terrible thing that happened to you. It had been so many years since you laid eyes on each other, but this felt natural. Like you’ve been together this whole time. You straddle him, moving your body against his, a moan escaping him as your hips grind against his.

Hunter had started to cry in that moment, and the two of you never moved so fast. Eddie had driven you back to your car, and when you left it felt like the moment you two shared didn’t even happen. You only muttered a goodbye and didn’t even look back. Eddie had paced after getting Hunter down for bed, he was on the phone with Robin, explaining what happened. The loss of her husband, her chronic pain, their passionate kiss.

“I shouldn’t have pushed to get so close to her like that, it’s my fault.” Eddie says groaning.

“I mean, yeah, it’s a little fast but, she lost her husband. It’s probably weird for her to be kissing another man, especially one that she has known.”

“She just seemed so sad. The only thing I know what to do when someone is sad is to make them feel better. It’s just impulse. Even if it’s been forever since we’ve seen each other.” He sighs. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Just give it a day or two. Send her a message, tell you’re sorry if you upset her and that you would love to meet again. Go out to dinner, go see a movie. I’ll hang with the little love bug.”

“Dinner equals date and I’m not sure either one of us are ready for that.” Eddie sits on the couch, looking at the monitor. He feels the air change and tenses up. “I have to go.”

Robin could hear the change in his voice. “Are you okay?”

“We’ll talk tomorrow. Love you.”

He hangs up quickly, seeing Olivia’s form out of his peripherals. “What the fuck do you want?”

“Whoa. Someone’s angry.”

“Yeah, and I’m not in the mood for you.” He turns to look over at her form, forgetting that he made a promise to himself that he never would again. Her pale face, blue lips, her eyes bloodshot. He almost vomits and he quickly looks away. The trauma of finding her that morning resurfacing to his throat.

“Please leave me alone.”

“You need to call her.”

“I said leave me alone!” He yells. “Fuck you! Fuck off!”

Hunter’s wail reaches his ears, and he gasps sprinting up the stairs. Eddie opens the door to his room and Hunter is holding onto the railings of his crib, immediately putting his arms up to pick him up. Eddie pulls him out, cradling him to his chest.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.” Eddie says, rubbing his head and kissing his hair. Hunter’s fingers twirl in Eddie’s hair and he leans back, cupping both of his cheeks. He stares into Eddie’s eyes as if to say I’m sad too, it’s okay daddy. Eddie’s eyes fill with tears, and he presses them back with his thumb and forefinger as he slowly rocks Hunter. Hunter’s cries had turned to soft coos, but Eddie couldn’t stop his own tears from flowing.

He hated her.

Hated her.

He hated that part of her that was in so much pain that caused her to ruin his family. He hated that he had to be the one to find her. A simple morning that turned into a nightmare. He had just got back on a walk with Hunter when he found her, she had kissed him goodbye when they were about to leave. A real kiss. He should’ve known then the way her hands held his waist, the way her body trembled as she pulled away. She had never kissed him like that before. The lingering kiss she left on Hunter’s forehead before they left.

He should’ve known.

Hunter was asleep by the time they got back; he had placed him in the bassinet in the living room. A weird feeling hit the pit of his stomach when he noticed the silence.

“Olivia?” He calls out but had gotten no response. He double checks on Hunter who was still sleeping soundly in his sleep sack and makes his way towards the bottom of the stairs. “Liv?”

He walks up the steps, his hands began to tremble. The bathroom was vacant. Did she go somewhere? No, her car was still in the garage. He peeks his head in Hunter’s nursery and doesn’t find her. He turns, looking down the hallway towards their bedroom. The door was slightly ajar. He slowly walks forward, saying her name again. He uses his palm to push the door open all the way and his knees immediately buckle and his back slams into the door.

Olivia was laying on the floor, her head to the side away from him. She wasn’t moving.

“Olivia.” He says, barely above a whisper. His heart is pounding as he walks closer. “Olivia!” He snaps.

He slowly goes down into a squat and puts his hand out to touch her, but he stops himself. He falls to his knees, leaning towards her, his fingers touch her hand and she’s cold.

Cold.

His bottom lip trembles and he puts his fingers under her chin, turning her face towards his. A small scream escapes him and he’s scrambling backwards on his feet until his back hits the wall. He places his hand over his mouth, breathing heavily as he stares into her vacant eyes. Dried vomit was on her chin, so was dried blood. Her skin was almost white, her lips were blue.

He pulls his hand away. “Olivia.”

She still doesn’t move, her eyes still staring. A small sob escaped him, and he slowly crawls to her form. “Olivia this isn’t funny.”

His fingers touch her wrist to check her pulse.

Nothing.

Silence.

A gasp escapes him, and he’s sobbing. He pulls at his hair, looking around the room, spotting the empty pill bottle on the nightstand.

It was her anxiety medication. Thirty pills. Take as needed. A controlled substance.

“What did you do?” Eddie cries, staring at her unmoving form. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

He crawls closer to her on his hands and knees, he hooks his arms under her waist, and hugs her limp form to him. “Why did you do this? Hunter needed you!!!”

Her head lulls back, her eyes still vacant and bile rushes to his throat. He carefully places her down and stumbles out of the bedroom. His shoulder slamming against the wall as he takes his phone out of his pocket, he dials a number, walks down the stairs, pushing the front door open with his shoulder.

“Eddie?”

He couldn’t see straight, he falls to his knees in his front lawn, holding his stomach as he groans.

“Eddie? Are you alright?” He had called Robin.

“She…she’s dead…” A laugh/sob escapes him. “She’s fucking dead, Robin.”

“What? Eddie, what are you talking about?”

“I need you.” He mutters, letting the phone fall to the ground. He leans forward in a downward dog position and then leans back on his heels.

He screams.

And screams.

Guttural.

Broken.

Sobbing.

His hand trembles as he sits on his front steps, the cigarette dangling from his lips as the lights from the ambulance and police dance around his face. Robin was on the lawn with Hunter, moving around with him in a chest carrier, trying her best to make him laugh with tears in her eyes.

He hears the sound of wheels hit pavement and looks over to see the gurney with Olivia’s body. Covered and strapped in a white sheet. Robin had pressed Hunter’s head to her chest, turning away slightly as they watch them load her body in the back of the coroner's van. Eddie wipes his face, inhaling on a cigarette as a police officer approaches him.

“Is there anyone you can call for her?”

Eddie doesn’t meet his eyes; he’s still staring at the van. “She…she didn’t have any living family. Just us.”

“We found this.” He hands Eddie a folded-up piece of paper and Eddie stares at it like it’s a bomb. “It’s a note. I’m terribly sorry for your loss.” He begins to walk away.

Eddie continues to look at the folded note, tears welling up in his eyes. “What do I tell my son?”

“I’m sorry?” The officer turns back to him.

“When he’s older…when he asks about her…what do I tell him?” He meets his eyes now.

The officer sighs, swallowing hard. He hated calls like this; he hated having to look in the eyes of the family whose life got completely uprooted in one instant. “The truth.”

He gently claps Eddie on the shoulder and after a few moments, it’s just him, Robin and Hunter on his front lawn. Eddie unfolds the letter.

I’m sorry.

Eddie crumples up the letter in his hands, he can’t read on any further, not right now.

No, not right now.

Hunter had fallen asleep on Eddie’s chest in his rocking chair, he carefully places him back in the crib and lets out a sigh. He goes into the hallway closet, taking a pillow and an oversized blanket. He puts the pillow and blanket on the floor next to his crib and lays down. He didn’t feel like sleeping on the couch tonight. He wanted to be close to Hunter.

He hadn’t stepped foot in the bedroom since it happened. Robin was the only who had been in there to clean it. She had repainted it for him, got him new bed linens and painted his dresser, got him a new area rug. She wanted him to feel and see a difference and not be afraid.

But he still couldn’t go in there. He pulls the blanket up to his chest after pulling off his shirt and groans, getting himself comfortable. His phone lights up on the ground next to him and he leans on his side to check it.

I’m really sorry about earlier. I had a great time. Can we do this again soon? I promise my body won’t fall apart.

Eddie smiles at your message and replies to it.

Hey I get it. Don’t be sorry. Yes I would love to see you again, maybe dinner? We don’t need to call it a date just two old friends getting together. A reset lol. There’s a really good Italian place that just opened up.

You reply. That sounds great. I haven’t had Italian in awhile. Thank you for being understanding. Have a good night.

Eddie types up the last message and puts his phone down: You too, sweetheart.

Eddie sighs, running his hand over his face and closes his eyes. He feels something warm brush on his cheek like a breeze and smiles a little.

A few days later you had woken up earlier than usual. Today was one of those days where you didn’t dread waking up. You hadn’t felt like that in a long time. And some part of you felt guilty for feeling some sort of happiness.

Don’t feel guilty.

“Shut up.” You say with a smirk on your lips.

The stone is ready.

You pause at the calendar and look at the date. You had forgotten that you had a memorial stone made for them at the local cemetery and had already buried parts of their ashes in the ground when you moved back. You sigh, and smile.

“I bet it’s beautiful.”

Go look.

You had driven to the cemetery and pulled in front of the row of stones. The spring air was a little chilly, so you pull Sam’s zip up tighter around you as you scan the stones. The tote bag on your shoulder bounced against your hip as you walk.

The black granite reaches your eyes, and you see the engraving of the sun and moon below the last name:

Murphy

Samuel James

1988-2019

Lily Michele

2016-2019

Loving son, father, husband and friend.

Loving daughter.

Together forever dancing in the universe.

You kneel in front of the stone, smiling at how beautiful it looked. You pull out the potted wildflowers, digging a small hole with your hand to place them in the ground. You take a small ceramic statue of a teddy bear and place it next to Lily’s name. You wipe the dirt on your jeans and stare at their names.

It bothered you how long it had been. It bothered you that Lily would’ve been turning 8 at the end of this year, and that every year you got older she stayed the same age. You place your hand over your belly, remembering the feeling of her in there, the way Sam’s face would light up whenever he felt her move. It was something you can’t explain, the feeling of your child inside you. How it was just the two of you for so many days, so many weeks, so many months. How selfishly you didn’t want to share her with the world yet.

But when she was here, you wanted the whole world to see this beautiful human you created. How wise and smart she was for only being three years old.

You groan, the tears pricking at your eyes, your stomach turning. There was a time after she died that you wanted to be with her, that you tried and tried everything to just hug her one more time, to be with her for all eternity. Your visiting nurse had found you the first time, barely conscious and high out of your mind from the alcohol and the pills. The second time you had stabbed yourself in the arm with scissors in front of your therapist, you were restrained and sedated as you were dragged from her office, had spent a couple months in the psychiatric hospital, lying to your case workers, and your doctors that you were ready and that you were feeling better, which was a lie.

The third time was after the driver got out of prison. The third time was different, because in the moment when you were sitting in your garage while the car was running, something happened to you, you could feel their presence. And they were telling you no more.

No more, mama. No more.

You had never felt as strong as you did in that moment, your body was still weak and adjusting to life from the accident after two years but in that moment, you didn’t feel any of your ailments. And when you pressed the button to the garage, gasping in the clean air as the sun rose. You fell to your knees and cried. Cried and cried. You called for help. Help came, and you’ve been trying your best since then to heal day by day.

And by chance, on one of your off days where the grief was too much, and everything seemed to be going wrong. You ran into, quite literally, an old friend. A friend you thought about a lot throughout the years.

There he was.

And he was broken too.

You lean forward, kissing the stone gently. “I’ll come visit again next week.” You whisper.

Getting to your feet was a bit of a struggle, but you had tried your best to remember what your physical therapist said when it came to tricking your brain to redirect your pain somewhere else. It was still a learning process, but after a few moments the pain was gone and you’re sitting comfortably in your car. It was still early morning; you had a few hours before you had to get ready for the dinner with Eddie. He said the restaurant was very eclectic with its visitors and that you didn’t have to dress fancy. The wife of his partner Chuck, Allison, had owned the restaurant and had already set up a spot for the two of you.

When it came time to get yourself ready, you had no idea what to wear. It was supposed to rain later tonight, but it was a little humid out. A simple black t shirt dress would suffice, and your docs. You had rubbed CBD oil on your joints, the muscles in your legs and your arms. Most of your tattoos were visible on your arms, legs, and you were suddenly curious if Eddie had gotten more throughout the years.

You let your hair hang in waves, place a little bit of mascara and red lipstick. Your doorbell rings and you’re suddenly nervous. You weren’t sure why, you kissed him the other day. Taking your purse, you double check yourself in the mirror and walk to your front door.

You swear as soon as you open the door the setting sun was illuminating Eddie’s form like a halo. He smiles at you, his black button up shirt unbuttoned at the top, his sleeves half rolled up, exposing a full arm tattoo sleeve on his right and a half sleeve on his left.

He’s been busy, you thought. His black jeans were ripped at the knees, and you were curious if they were the same ones you remember from high school. He wore some nice boots, and you can’t help the feeling that swims to your lower belly when you look at him. He was so handsome.

“My lady?” He says with a grin, extending his arm to you.

You hook yours in his and giggle. “Still such a dork, I see.”

“That would never change, we still meet for D&D campaigns at my house once a month.”

“Is it still Hellfire?”

Eddie laughs as he opens the passenger door for you. “Hellfire part two.”

“Metal.” You say with a laugh, and he holds your hand to help you get into truck.

The restaurant wasn’t too far from your house, you could walk if you wanted to. The dark clouds loomed above as you pull into the parking lot. As soon as you walk in, the aroma of Italian food hits your nostrils and your stomach immediately rumbles. The table where you were seated was in an intimate spot towards the back by an electric fireplace, the heat was comforting. The server asks for your drinks, you order a red wine and Eddie settles with a draft beer.

“This is a nice place, I feel underdressed.” You laugh.

“No, you look great.” He smiles. He spots your tattoos on your arm. “Great artwork, how long have you had those?”

“I wanna say early 20s. I would go and get one at least once a month.” She laughs. “I’m surprised you’re not fully covered.”

He waves his hand over his chest, pulling down his shirt a little and you spot the top of a chest piece. “A lot are hidden. This one hurt so bad.”

You blush, sipping your wine. “Still sacrificing kittens and speaking Latin in public?”

“Oh yeah all the time.” He smiles. “And it’s not kittens anymore, it’s birds.”

You choke on your drink. “Somehow that sounds more fucked up.”

Eddie laughs. “Oh, to be branded the town freak again. Now I’m just the town sad boy.”

You cringe. “Neighbors bring over casseroles and desserts and send flower after flower arrangement?”

“Oh yeah, my fridge was stocked for weeks. One of them gave me a bible.” He chuckles. “It was a nice gesture, but I donated it to the church.”

“I got self help books on how to have sex after your spouse dies.” You laugh, and Eddie chuckles loudly. “I can’t even remember who gave it to me.”

“Was it informative?” Eddie smirks.

“No, it read like stereo instructions ‘you may cry but try to turn the tears into pleasure’.”

“It did not say that!” Eddie cackles. “No way did it say that!”

“I’m so serious, I was mortified.”

The two of you continue to laugh and the server comes over to take your orders. Eddie ordered a chicken parmesan, and you ordered chicken Alfredo. It was one of the best meals you’ve had in awhile and it was even better with Eddie sitting across from you.

“Okay, let’s play a stupid game. It’s been forever since we seen each other so let’s get to know the basics.” Eddie says, sipping his beer. “Favorite color?”

“Right now? Or in general?”

“Right now.”

“Purple. Yours?”

“Green.”

“Okay, last movie to make you cry.”

“Oh god, The Whale.”

“That movie destroyed me.” Eddie laughs. “And I don’t cry much. Mine was My Girl.”

“And you’re torturing yourself why?” You laugh.

“It was on HBO, so I had to watch it. I think I cried for a good half an hour after it was over.”

“You’re such a softy.” You laugh. “Okay my turn. Favorite song at the moment?”

He sips his drink. “Damn, that’s tough. Suffocate by Knocked Loose.”

“Is that the one with Poppy?” Eddie nods. “I love her, mine is Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden.” You giggle loudly at Eddie’s face. “What? It’s catchy and a staple of our childhood!”

The banter continued on all the way to the parking lot and into the truck. The rain began to pelt down hard, and a sudden thought passes your mind as you pass the part of the woods that lead to the lake where you last saw him. In that moment as he pulls in front of your house, the song by Savage Garden comes on the radio and Eddie stares at it in awe. “Are you kidding me?”

You laugh loudly and open the passenger door. “Keep it on, turn it up.” You jump out of the car, immediately getting soaked as you step down from the car and run to the middle of the street.

Eddie rolls his windows down, the rain guard on his window avoiding drops. “What are you doing?” He laughs.

“Come on, dance with me!” You laugh spinning with your arms out. Your hair was sticking to your face and you keep twirling. “It’s not cold. Come on!”

Eddie sighs, turning up the music a little and jogs over to you. He watches as you close your eyes, kicking puddles and letting the water splash all over you. In that moment, you looked so beautiful to him, and he could just watch you the entire time. You do another twirl but slip on the sole of your boot and you fall into Eddie’s chest, you both laugh, and you straighten yourself out, taking his hand.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.

Eddie laughs at the over exaggeration of your singing voice to the lyrics, and he twirls you around as the rain hits you harder. You hadn’t felt this peaceful in a long time, the rain felt grounding to you, and it had been a horrendous journey trying to find this part of yourself again. Eddie was bringing that side out of you, even though you knew deep down it was in there, his presence alone was making you feel more alive.

You walk up to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he hugs your waist and rests his head in your shoulder, gently swaying to the music. “This feels familiar.” He mutters in your hair.

“Running from the cops that night…the down pour. We didn’t dance in the rain though.” You lift your face, gazing up into his eyes.

“I wish we did.” He smiles, curling a piece of wet hair behind your ear. “I still never found out who it was.”

“Well, he’s dead now so I guess I can tell you.” You giggle. “It was Jason.”

Eddie pulls back to look at you, his eyes widen. “Now I know why you didn’t tell me.”

“Because you would’ve killed him, and I wasn’t about to go down as an accessory.” You smile and he smiles back at you, shaking his head. He hugs you to his chest again as the rain picks up and the song ends. You pull away from him and smile at him.

“This was one of the best nights I had in awhile.” You whisper. “Thank you.”

He gently cups your cheek. “Let me walk you to your door before you freeze.” He smiles and you nod, he follows you up your steps and you squeeze the water from your hair. He shakes his hair like a dog, and you laugh, gently pushing his chest away. You open your screen door, pausing before you push the other door open. You lean up, kissing his cheek gently and he blushes.

“Have a good night.” You tell him.

“You too.”

He smiles and watches as you close the door. You pause in your foyer. What was this feeling? Has what you had suppressed for him for so many years finally bubble its way up to the surface and now all you want is him? You fell in love with him the night he helped you, but when you think really hard about it, you might’ve loved him the entire time you’d known each other but it didn’t click until you stared into his eyes that night.

You swing open your door, and he’s still standing there, looking more drenched, behind the screen door. He holds up your purse, giving you a sweet smile. “You forgot this.”

You smile, slowly opening the screen door and you place your hand over the purse, but he doesn’t let go right away. You stare into his eyes, pulling the purse closer to you and he slowly moves closer and closer until he’s in front of you. The purse falls at your feet, and you pull him into you by the back of his neck, your lips crash against his and he’s lifting you up, flush against his chest. The screen door slams shut, and Eddie uses his other hand to close the front door, not breaking the kiss. The water droplets from your hair fell onto his skin, both of you were soaking wet and it was causing a small puddle to form beneath your feet. He tightens his hold on you, the two of you crashing into the wall near the stairs as the kiss grew more intense. His lips were so soft, and as soon as his tongue slipped in your mouth you didn’t want it to stop. You wanted more.

You pull away from him, catching your breath as you stare into his eyes. You pull your dress over your head, letting it fall with a plop, and he swallows hard as his eyes scan your body while he held you. He leans forward, kissing the spot between your breasts and your head falls back, a soft moan escapes you. He sets you on your feet, and you stand in front of him, slowly unbuttoning his shirt that now stuck to his skin. You peel it off of him and watch as the droplets from his hair slowly fall down his chest, over his beautiful chest tattoo and down his abdomen. You run your hands over his chest, and he shivers, you kiss his chest gently, moving your lips up to kiss his throat. His hands find your hair and he’s kissing you again, his hand gripping your backside over your panties, and you mutter the word couch to him. He hoists you up, wrapping your legs around his waist and sets you down on the couch. He kneels in between your legs, his fingers gently going over the fabric of your bra and you stare at him lovingly. His finger gently moves its way down your stomach, and he stops when he sees the large scar that starts under your breast and around towards your back. His eyes meet yours and you prepare yourself for him to run away screaming but instead, his kisses the spot softly and you gasp. His lips move gently around the scar, and you do your best to hold your tears in, you didn’t want your tears to ruin this moment. His lifts his head to yours and kisses you, his fingers dancing against your inner thighs. A soft whimper escapes you when you feel his hand gently palm you over the fabric of your panties. You hadn’t been intimate with a man like this since before Sam died, but this was different. Your body was reacting in such a way you weren’t sure how to process what was happening next.

He moves your panties to the side, kissing you deeply and he stares at you. “I’ll stop if you want me to stop.” He whispers, his voice raw.

You shake your head and smile. “No. No I don’t want you to stop. Just touch me.”

You craved that touch. You craved that feeling of someone gently caressing your skin. Of course you didn’t want him to stop. He smiles, kissing you passionately and you gasp, feeling his fingers move their way inside you. Your head falls back against the couch, his lips kiss your neck as he gently teases you. Your hips buck as he goes deeper, and you moan loudly. He kisses your throat, his breath hot on your skin as he whimpers softly at your noises. You pull him to you by his shoulders, feeling close to release and you kiss him deeply. He moves his fingers faster, and you tremble beneath him. Something like this hadn’t happened in so long, and it was bringing you to an imaginary place of where it was just the two of you. You two and this feeling of pure fucking ecstasy. You claw at his back as your orgasm rocks through you and you clench hard around his fingers. He hugs your waist with his free arm, kissing your cheek, your neck, while you ride out the euphoric sensations that were coursing through your entire body. He gently pulls his fingers out of you and kneads at your thighs as you catch your breath. You find his lips again, in desperation of wanting more of him, wanting to feel more, touch more. You hold the back of his head, the kiss getting sloppy and you bite his lower lip. He grabs your hips and lifts you, so your legs are wrapped around his waist and he’s on top of you. He groans, feeling your hands glide down his back, to the buckle of his belt.

Eddie told himself it wouldn’t move this fast, but he knew you could feel it too when you looked into each others' eyes, when you danced in the rain. You stared right into his soul, and your heart grew three sizes. Kissing you brought him to a place he never thought he’d be again. And now here you were, naked underneath him, and he was awestruck by your beauty, the way your nose crinkled when you smiled at him, the way your eyes fluttered close when he gently pushes himself inside you. He held your hands together above your head, kissing you deeply, rocking his hips as you whisper at him to go faster. When you came for a second time, Eddie held you close, following you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he rocks his lips slowly and lets out a trembled breath. He lifts his face to look at you, running his finger over your lips, your cheek, kissing you softly.

Eddie strokes your hair as you two lay naked against each other on the couch, you had started a small fire in the fireplace, and you let your head lull against his chest as his fingers massages your scalp. He kisses your hair softly.

“I never thought I’d be here.” You whisper, gazing up at him. “With you. Like this.”

“Makes two of us.” He says sweetly, his curls messy around his face, still damp from the rain.

“I don’t know why we never saw each other again, I guess our paths weren’t meant to cross at that time.”

He nods in agreement, entwining your fingers.

“What was she like?” You whisper softly and Eddie freezes, knowing who you meant. You meet his eyes. “You don’t have to talk about her, I’m just curious.”

He smiles sadly. “She was…a force. Stubborn. We fought all the time, over dumb shit. We didn’t even want to be together but when she got pregnant with Hunter, we decided we had to put our differences aside and just be parents. She was a great mom.” He stares into the fire; you watch his jaw clench. “She had other plans when it came to that though.”

“What do you mean?”

Eddie realizes that he never told you how she died, or that you didn’t even know, just that she had died. He swallows a lump in his throat. “She uh…she killed herself. When Hunter was six months old. I was the one who found her.”

Your breath hitches as you stare at his face, his jaw still set, and you immediately cover your left forearm to hide your scar. He doesn’t notice, you just stare at him until he speaks again. “She wrote a note. It took me probably about a year to finally read it. She was in so much…fucking pain.” He clenches his teeth, holding back tears. “And I’m angry at her for not coming to me about it, for not seeing the beautiful being we created that loved her so much. I don’t think that will ever go away.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie.” You whisper, biting your lower lip. Leave that part out for now, leave those horrible parts of wanting to die out.

He shrugs, gently rubbing your arm. “It is what is it, unfortunately. She may have explained herself in her letter, but I still don’t understand. And the hardest part is having to explain that to Hunter when he’s older. How do you say that your kid? Mommy loved you but she was in too much pain to stick around for you. I don’t want him to think that he wasn’t enough for her.” A tear slowly falls down his cheek and you gently wipe it away with your thumb.

“He won’t.” You say gently. “He won’t because you show him everyday that he is enough…he’s more than that.

“It just hurts, you know?” He sniffles back tears and you nod. “It hurts that she didn’t think she had any other way out.”

You stare into the fire, knowing that feeling. He sighs, squeezing your arms gently and kissing your forehead. “I should probably get home to him.” You nod, smiling and he gets up from the couch, stretching. You stare at his naked form, blushing a little and shielding your face with the blanket. He catches your eye and smirks, cupping your cheek, kissing you once, twice. “Touch base with me tomorrow?”

You nod, patting his face. “Thank you again for an amazing night.”

You walk him to the door after he dresses, his clothes still a little damp and you wrap yourself in a throw blanket. He stands in the doorway, leaning down to kiss your forehead, lingering there for a moment. He wanted to tell you that he had fallen in love with you all over again, that being with you healed a part of his soul that he thought was lost. But instead, he kisses your lips, smiling sweetly at you, and shuts the door.

When he arrives home, it was a little after midnight. Robin was sound asleep on the couch, her long legs halfway on and halfway off on the couch, the monitor clutched in her hands. Eddie gently takes it from her, and carefully moves her up on the couch so she’s more comfortable. He takes the blanket and throws it over her, she mutters something in her sleep, and he stifles a laugh. He gently kisses the top of her head and goes to walk away.

“Did you have fun?” She whispers.

“I had a lot of fun.” He smiles.

“Good.” She whispers, turning on her side. “I’ll leave soon.”

“No, go back to sleep.” He whispers. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay.”

He waits until he hears her soft snores and sighs, making his way up the steps. He hovers at the top of the stairs, holding tightly onto the banister. He looks down the dark hallway towards the bedroom, and he moves. He hovers outside the bedroom door, his hands trembling. He swallows hard, quietly turning the knob and pushing the door open. He stands in the doorway, the dim light from the hall was giving off an eerie glow. The room still smelt sterile to him, and he remains frozen. His eyes land on the spot where her body laid, he has to immediately squeeze his eyes shut when he gets a flashback of her fixed stare, her lifelessness. He walks to the nightstand that was on his side of the bed and opens the drawer, he takes a folded piece of paper out from the drawer, shuts it, and immediately leaves the room without looking back.

He sits out on his patio, a rolled joint in his fingers, the fire pit going and looks at the folded note in his hands. He puts the joint to his lips, and flicks open his zippo lighter, inhaling deeply. He unfolds the note, his hands shaking as the light from the fire illuminates her handwriting.

I’m sorry.

Eddie’s bottom lip trembles: he’s read this note over and over again and it still pains him just as much as it did the first time he read it.

I tried. I really did. I know you probably don’t see that now, but it’s the truth. I tried to hold on, I tried to make it work and to be the mother I was supposed to be for our son. But I wasn’t enough. In my eyes, I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t who I was supposed to be. I wasn’t the mother I should’ve been. And the last thing I wanted for him was for him to grow up to see me in constant pain day after day after day.

“You didn’t try hard enough.” He says through his teeth and continues to read.

Hunter was the best thing that happened to me. And watching you grow into an amazing father these last six months made me realize that I do love you. Even if I barely showed it, I loved you. I know that doesn’t matter now. It hurts too much, Eddie. Surviving. I’ve been in survivor mode my entire life. I’m so tired. I’m so so tired. It’s not fair to you or him to watch me like this. I hate myself for letting this go on for so long. There is so much wrong inside my head that I don’t even know what thoughts of mine are real.

I’m so sorry for the pain I will cause you. I’m so sorry for the answers I can’t give you. Whatever you do with this letter, even if you burn it, or throw it in the dumpster – please, please tell Hunter that he was the best part of me. That this isn’t his fault. That I will be with him his entire life even if he can’t see me. Please don’t ever let him think that I didn’t love him. I loved him with my entire being.

Please for the love of everything, Eddie, please…just be happy. Find someone that gives you the happiness that I couldn’t give you. Find someone that makes you laugh, that wipes your tears away when you’re sad, that loves Hunter just as much as we do.

Please.

For me.

Xx – O

Eddie crumples the note in his hands, sobs shake his entire body as he holds his stomach. He opens it again, wiping the snot and tears away from his face. He stands up, gazing into the fire, and throws the note into the flames.

(Taglist - thank you for all your support my beauties, it means the world) @mysticpeachobject @kellsck @eddiesguitarskills @fearless-wretch-insanity @darknesseddiem @amberolivia666 @amandahobblepot @sxdghxstsbxxkshxlf @sariahs-stuff @trixyvixx

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