#NOT MY IMAGE I JUST FOUND IT ON PINTEREST

[corpscs]

i could eat that girl for lunch ⧗ natasha x avenger f!reader

♡ minors and men dni , no use of y/n , wlw , smut 18+ , friends to lovers , natasha’s gaydar is off , r eats box like a champ , lesbian protector thor , one bed trope if you squint but it’s not important , images are from pinterest , this was edited by my cat so ignore any spelling or grammar mistakes i will probably find them later , divider , russian is from google/reddit

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ♡ dobroye utrechko - good morning

‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ♡ masterlist , word count: 2.9k

bones’ now playing ▶︎ lunch - billie eilish

natasha romanoff seldom hoped that she was wrong. this was not one of those times.

the black widow, specialist in espionage, had profiled you wrong? she was so certain that you were straight. but now she wasn’t so convinced.

her real suspicion started with thor.

clint, tony, and natasha sat playing cards. natasha had won every round of every game they’d started. she just cleared her hand in rummy, when thor was heard boasting from the hallway, “this is marvelous news!” he laughed.

“what’s got you so giddy?” natasha asked him.

“the littlest avenger considers me to be a tolerable man.” he was very proud, chest puffed out, hands on his hip. natasha’s eyebrows raised. she knew he meant you, by the nickname.

tony was fast to answer, “i’m sorry, she what?”

“little avenger has a list on her cellular phone of tolerable men.” he stated. “and of course she has placed the mighty thor this list.”

tony and clint began asking about the list and if they saw their names on it. when thor asked you about a tolerable women list, apparently you just laughed at him. claiming that you had a different kind of list for women. she became very curious about that one.

then, few days after, the team was all together for a rowdy dinner. by the tail end of it, tony and thor were drunk and bickering about which avenger had more sex appeal or something.

tony called your name. “you’re young and not natasha romanoff. which of us would you take home?”

natasha would have lied if she contemplated to tuning out your answer, but then heard you boldly announce, “tony i would rather sit on a hot grill than sleep with any men in this room.” you would prefer to physical pain over sleeping with any man in the room. maria had left with pepper to help clean up after a spilled bottle of champagne that one of them had tipped over onto the table. and natasha was the only woman in the room at the time.

natasha was looking at you now and she was sure through your peripheral vision you saw her too.

natasha decided to set you up, now helping guide the conversation towards the information she wanted out of you. “remember that one drag queen in boston that hit on you.” natasha randomly brought up.

“he was very good at his job!” clint defended himself. drunk you found it hilarious to picture a slightly tipsy clint get hit on by a drag queen. “i’ve never slept with a man.” clint drunkenly confirmed.

“me neither.” you giggled out.

clint looked at you confused or surprised maybe he was trying to showcase both in his stupor. “wait a minute.” he loudly whispered crunching his eyebrows. “do we bat for the same team?”

you shook your head yes with a lackadaisical roll to your neck as the giggles continued before tony announced the door dash was here.

not often would natasha romanoff be wrong. but she was pleased to be this time.

she called your name, stealing away your attention. “thor was mentioning you have a list of tolerable men.” you nearly choked on your drink. natasha knew about your list.

you nodded, “it’s a short list. he should be honored.” natasha hummed.

“he mentioned you have a list of women too. hopefully, i’m tolerable enough to on there.” she feigned innocence, leaning her chin in her palm.

“oh that’s it’s a different list.” you blurted, too inebriated to stop yourself. natasha should be ashamed of herself, taking advantage of your drunken brain. but she was afraid you would may have clammed up the moment she started poking otherwise.

“oh yeah?” she continued, keeping the eye contact.

“yeah.” you breathed. nat raised an eyebrow.

“so, i’m not on that one?”

“you are!” you rushed. her eyes caught the black shine of your phone slotted between your thighs. “mind if i peak?” she dropped her voice to a lower whisper, continuing to lean into you. if you were assumed straight sober, drunk you absolutely was not. you nodded dumbly opening you phone to the notes app. natasha read through the notes as you opened the app. random lists, meaningless words and number sequences that probably made little sense to you anymore, natasha’s eyes lagged on the note that had your bra size typed out before you opened the untitled note.

you were right, the list was short. immediate names where clint, bucky, thor, scott? (question mark included) followed by one of the oldest janitors in sheild and the very flamboyant nurse from medical. natasha did not try to contain her laugh. “what are your standards of this list?” you shrugged, laughing with her.

the second list a few lines down and far longer. it started with natasha’s name, then wanda, carol, okoye, maria, nebula, followed by a collection of reputable shield agents, and a firefighter in the nyfd you had met during the battle of new york, and lastly one natasha did not recognize, lisa from the bakery.

“i see a theme, but i must ask about the baker.” natasha looked back up at you. you were chewing on the straw of your now empty cup, clearly nervous.

“have you ever watched a woman make bread dough?” you simply asked. natasha shook her head. “i’ll have to take you.” you promised, nodding enthusiastically.

everyone in the room seemed entranced in the food or their own conversation, so natasha pushed on. “what’s this list then, if it’s not tolerable women.” natasha watched your eyes shift nervously as you felt all the blood in your body rush to your face. it was at this point when your drunk brain began to catch up to what she was doing.

“pretty women.” you murmured.

“and i’m number one. that’s sweet.” natasha smiled at you taking a sip of her beer. not missing the way you watched her sip and swallow.

hook, line and sinker.

˖ . ݁𝜗☠︎︎𝜚. ݁₊

the next day you didn’t remember exactly what had gone on last night. just the general overview. you didn’t care much to dig on the topic as getting drunk with the team wasn’t out of the ordinary.

when you peeled yourself out of bed, your brain felt like it was replaced by sludge and you were unsure of where you had last had your phone. you began wandering downstairs with the intention to try and retrace your steps to find it.

when you got to the kitchen, it was empty, aside from natsha who was leaning against the opposite counter. still in the sweats you were seen in at dinner, you regretted not being fully presentable.

on the other hand natasha looked freshly showered, wearing jeans and a tight black tank top. you could even see the black strap of her bra poking out from behind the material. “dobroye utrechko.” you assumed it was a greeting. you blink the drowsiness out of your eyes as you ripped your eyes back to her face.

“you’re up early.”

“it’s 10.” she laughed. you had no excuse. “here.” natasha poured you a cup of water and opened the cabinet where the team collected their over the counter stuff. she slid you the glass and placed two tablets of whatever in front of you. zero survival skills in sight, you took the meds she gave you without even looking at them once. she then placed a muffin in front of you, remembering which ones you tended to chose over other flavors. natasha then pulled your phone out of her back pocket. “probably missing this too.”

“oh my god.” you rushed, mid-bite of the muffin. “thank you.” you cheered. “you’re the best.” friday called out something over the PA about steve needing natasha so she grabbed her water bottle and began to exit the kitchen.

“wouldn’t want you to have to restart your lists and i want to maintain my number one spot.” she exited the kitchen. her words were like a bucket of ice cold water and suddenly your memory of last night suddenly became abundantly more clear.

˖ . ݁𝜗☠︎︎𝜚. ݁₊

a few days later you’re stuffed into some tiny dress at some black tie cocktail party while the team works undercover with hotel security. the event was winding down and guests were beginning to leave. natasha was on the upper floor, blended into the regular security like the rest of the team.

tony sat outside the hotel watching the camera feeds from a large disguised rental van. he was only there if the iron man suit was needed, so he was running extra surveillance. but was tony and tony was getting bored. when you appeared on the feed rotation on one of the screens, he called you out over the com. “can somebody drop a pen? i want to know what shield issued g-strings look like.”

“looking to get one for yourself?” you asked him, looking to the wall to not look insane speaking to yourself. you were instructed to limit your com usage.

“if you help me pick one that matches pepper’s eyes.” he joked.

steve broke up the quip, “guys that’s enough. all dolled up or not she’s still your teammate.”

“she does look nice doesn’t she, boys?” natasha ignored steve. “too bad she’d burn her ass off before she’d touch any of you.”

“romanoff.” steve warned.

“did you really say that?” bucky laughed.

natasha answered for you “she did.”

“ouch.” sam said.

before you could even attempt to defend yourself, you were interrupted by some diplomat curling an arm around your waist.

you politely turned him down, telling him how flattered you are and that you’re with the event. he doesn’t like that answer, telling you that it should be the reason he take you.

like an angel, natasha appears in that stupid security uniform. “sir, this waitress is working i’m going to have to ask you to please allow her do her job.” she said curtly, keeping you behind her. after three minutes of torturous arguing the man was gone.

“am i done?” you whined, to both natasha and everyone on the comms. “i don’t think i can take anymore of this.”

“they’ve started packing up.” natasha confirmed while you puffed out a sigh of relief.

“thanks for that back there.” you told her.

she shrugged. “it’s the least i could do after having to watch you get picked at like a carcass all night.”

the team had finished and rounded up in a vacant lounge at the hotel. steve went over their plan to head out in the morning, he kept it short and sweet as the small team of agents looked tired. not battle worn, but socially worn, all spread out around the fancy couches. the dress you wore was inconvenient so you opted to sit on a barstool and by the end of the meeting you were miserable. meeting adjourned, steve began handing out the room assignments. “2 to a room, rank based, no coed.” very chivalrous, captain america. fourth group down was you and natasha. you found out upon arrival she would be roomed with you so you had no surprise so mask. the team checked in your room a day early to have the space to get ready in. “everyone get some sleep.” steve ordered.

“if it’s worth anything,” natasha said appearing next to the bar. her overnight bag was slung over her shoulder, your bags were already in the room. “i really like the dress.”

“i’m still pretty convinced that it is actually just a top.” you hiked the pleather material down your upper thigh, as the two of you now made your way towards the elevators. having long since discarded the heels, the sounds of natasha’s boots and your bare feet sounded through the hallway. the cocktail dress only leaves about two inches to the imagination and just barely came down over your ass. steve was so flustered that he had given you his jacket to tie around your waist until mission go.

natasha selected the button for the second floor and you spoke up. “you know, it took two people to get me into this thing.” you said. natasha let out a light chuckle imagining the scenario. “i might need a hand getting out of it.”

a small flame lit itself inside natasha. her mouth ran dry, but she didn’t miss a beat. “of course.” she agreed with a smile. you, yourself, were smiling straight ahead at your warped reflection of the shiny metal until they slid open.

smiling, because of course you noticed natasha’s fishing expedition after you had asked clint to fill you in on whatever drunk you told natasha. you had always assumed natasha placed you in the coworker box but it became obvious that she genuinely did not know you liked women.

natasha held her breath when you reached into your bra and pulled the room card to key your door open, allowing natasha to step inside after you.

she could see the mess the team had made getting you ready. cosmetic and garnet bags along the table and an open bathroom door where she could only imagine what chaos the counter was in.

she watched you drop your shoes by your suitcase on the floor before you began peeling off your jewelry. rings and bracelets gone. the hoops you had been asked to wear had pulled at your ears all night that you were glad to bid goodbye. you turned to natasha, who now sat at the corner of the four-poster king bed. the security uniform jacket discarded beside her, now only in a tight black t-shirt and tactical pants.

“help me unzip?” you asked her as you turned your back to her. through the mirror you could see the top of her head raise from behind you as her posture straightened up. you made sure you were standing up straight, holding your posture to specifically straw her attention. you were pretty sure it was working.

l you felt her fingers grab at the top of the tight dress. she pulled the fabric back slightly, jerking you momentarily, before she unlatched the little eye and hook at the top. you had to try to regulate your breathing before she began on the zipper. “i think every man attending that event was thinking about doing this.” she spoke with a light laugh as her touch prickled your skin.

“ew.” you chuckled airily, deflating your lungs so she could get the zipper past your strapless bra. natasha could see from the band that it was red lace.

“i’m not going to lie, you had me so fooled.” natasha finally said. she peeked over your shoulder to lock eyes in the mirror. dress now fully unzipped to the swell of your ass. you’d have to shimmy out of the rest if it.

“fooled?” you parroted.

“unclockable.” natasha corrected. you turned to face her, a single hand on your chest being the only thing holding the last piece of whatever modesty that dress allowed in place.

“i wasn’t trying to be stealthy.” you joked. understanding what she meant.

“good, because that’s my thing and i’m taking it back.” natasha tipped her had to the side, her eyes wandering your face.

“you can have it,” you agreed, “you can take the dress with it if you’d like.” natasha made prolonged eye contact, silently asking permission. your hand dropped and the material being held to you chest fell. natasha was not shy when your gaze dropped to your chest. the strapless bra was shelf styled, worn specifically to boost your cleavage. that was the final nail in natasha’s coffin.

she used the folded fabric at your waist to yank you past the foot of space in between you two. when you stepped in between her open thighs, natasha didn’t hesitate to kiss you. it was soft, but desperate. like something she didn’t know she was starved of. you broke away to bunch your fingers around her shirt, untucking it and hauling it over her head.

her chest was covered with a black sports bra, a white logo you couldn’t read printed on the side of her ribs. you two didn’t stall, reaching for the black belt keeping the cargo shorts at her waist and quickly undoing its strap. the button came easily thank god. you yelled back to allow her to stand and shimmy the pants down. you tried to bite back a comment about how much you liked the fitted material. but the black tiny boyshorts she was wearing had you more distracted. when you felt the zipper of your dress pinch your back. natasha helped you work the tight material over your hips. red and black lace, of course you were wearing a set.

“i’m underdressed.” she joked, referring to your contrast between your undergarments and herself. “no, you’re practical.” you shrugged. keeping your eye contact, you reached behind yourself and unhooked the eyes of your bra.

once again natasha felt no shame as her eyes dropped back to your bare chest. “but i do want them off.”

natasha watched you sink to the floor with a twinkle in your eye, hands climbing for her panties. “i can’t believe i thought you were fucking straight.” she said lowly, pulling the material down her very well built thighs. your free arm wrapped around her one of her legs to pull her closer to you, curling at the top of her inner thigh.

“so the black widow has a shitty gaydar?” you began kissing natasha’s thighs, moving closer to her center.

“or you’re just full of surprises?” she countered, her breath stuttering when your kisses had finally reached their destination. you landed a kiss just over her clit, feather light. she didn’t flinch, but drew a long breath.

“i think i’m very predictable.” you made sure you were looking in her eyes when your tongue flattened out and lapped up her slit, each time your tongue toying with her clit. it wasn’t long before you pulled the bud in between your lips, sucking lightly. natasha was unable to catch the moan that pulled from her throat. you adored the sound and you hummed against her, responding in a subdued encouragement, and pulled one of her legs over your shoulder, opening her up further to you.

you’d been so forward this entire time, natasha allowed the hand of hers not gripping the bedpost to hold the back of your head. she experimentally rolled her hips forward just so slightly. and to her not so surprise you followed the movement, sat up straighter and allowed her to use your face.

she moaned when she locked eyes with your bleary stare. keeping your hand wrapped around natasha’s thigh, your dominant hand traveled around from her inner thigh to tease her entrance, beige slipping a singer inside.

her pace increased as she chased her high and you dutifully swallowed down her arousal, it messily dripped down your chin mixing with your saliva. natasha’s breathing increased as she felt her orgasm nearing. when natasha’s hips stuttered, you pulled her clit between your lips once more sucking harder this time. her heel dug into your bare back as your grip on her standing leg tightened, the strong muscles switched and flexing under you fingers. she began cursing in russian, you would have no idea what she was saying even if you weren’t busy with her thighs muffling the word in your ears. when she did cum, you stayed in place and chased her hips with your mouth swallowing her down.

you grinned up at her dumbly, face soaked in her arousal. your face felt hot and your head felt light. natasha had begun to catch her breath as you felt her fingers smooth over your hair. as her hands find their way to your face, thumbing over your swollen lips. “you would have been wasted on a man.”

˖ . ݁𝜗☠︎︎𝜚. ݁₊

i’m hoping to get part 3 of emergency contact up this weekend

𓉸 ♡

bones

[500-moths-in-a-trenchcoat]

GET OUT YOUR JACK O' MELONS TUMBLR SUMMERWEEN IS UPON US ONCE MORE

[iamthetruestrepairman]

[freakvampire]

PLEASE tell me there's more pictures from this shoot. there have GOT to be more pictures from this shoot

[shawnaise]

I’m just like him I’m just like him I’m just like him

[sunnibits]

does anybody need some soft jarthur in these trying times

[digitalmemoriez]

✫･ﾟ*.2008･ﾟ✫*.

[saphienirretable]

random lithuanian guy: ačiū!!! 😁

me: bless you

gurt: yo

yo: sybau

alanas brasas:

[chipistrate]

Don't feel like drawing anything big so here's some doodles of that freak I hate/aff

[insufferable-coolkid]

no actually i WONT shut up about my favorite character

they really named this guy dick rider💔

[elin-moon]

The Friendship of Edward VI and Barnaby Fitzpatrick

The friendship between these two young boys is quite an interesting one on the account that it can appear to be an unexpected one. Edward was the heir to the English throne, later King in his own right, while Barnaby was the eldest son of an Irish Baron, send over to England as a show of loyalty from his father. One would imagine that two boys from such differing backgrounds and sets of expectations would hardly gravitated towards each other, yet they did. One has to wonder what brought them together.

[14dayswithyou]

That is all thank you

ANSWERED: Art credit for da first Ren meme goes to @meo-eiru!!

BUT HELPPPPP THESE ARE SO FUNNY JDSGJH T_T The Moth meme + Uno meme had me CACKLING lmaoooooooo

[inorganicorgan]

I have discovered Ambessa Medarda for the first time

Here's a silly video I made

[blazing-arsonist]

I'm really normal about sepbox. i really am,

[jerrythebug]

Trying to figure out how to draw a White Guy in a Suit. I'm getting somewhere, but still need more practice.

[02nique02]

ref