#Negotiation

[pratchettquotes]

"Let me see if I've got this right," said Vimes. "Uberwald is like this big suet pudding that everyone's suddenly noticed, and now with this coronation as an excuse we've all got to rush there with knife, fork and spoon to shovel as much on our plates as possible?"

"Your grasp of political reality is masterly, Vimes. You lack only the appropriate vocabulary."

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

[engenever-beaver]

He literally said it. The thing I was talking about for months.

President of the US just admitted that he is helping russia and vladimir putin directly.

But nobody fucking cared. I guess we roll with it now. I think in couple of months Marco Rubio will eat his words about "we're not gonna send weapons to russia".

Apparently the Art of the Deal is rolling around on floor crying. And when that fails, you just leave.

[little-noko]

WORLDVIEW - NEGOTIATIONS 06

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[saywhat-politics]

[thepersonalwords]

Do not compromise on the quality and your customers will not negotiate on the price.

Amit Kalantri

[unsolicitedadvicecatlady]

Negotiating with a terrorist

Some time ago I was involved in a hostage negotiation. The negotiation lasted 218 days before we reached a successful outcome. That was one of the hardest 7 months of my life. I got a lot of grey hairs, and I learned a little about human behavior. Now that there's been some distance between those events and the present, I'd like to share some of what I learned.

Growing up, I remember hearing "we don't negotiate with terrorists." Unfortunately, it's something I had to learn how to do. I'm not an expert, by far. There are people out there with a lot more experience in these types of high-stakes negotiations, however, this is some of the information that I used to get to an acceptable resolution, and this blog is an outlet that I use to share my unsolicited advice.

First, you have to stop thinking "it's us vs. them." You have to change your mindset into thinking about this as a collaborative effort. They're not the enemy, they are your counterpart. You're spinning in different directions, but you still need to work together with them here.

Next, take your best guess at your counterpart's perspective. Are they spouting a bunch of bullshit about how they're the real victim here? How life owes them? How somebody owes them? Get into their shoes to get into their head. It's not that you're buying their rhetoric, but you want them to think that you're looking out for their best interests, otherwise, they're not going to listen to a word you have to say.

Build rapport with them. Repeat back to them the last few words of what they just said, using an upwards inflection to indicate benign curiosity, or a downwards inflection to indicate they can elaborate because they haven't sold you on this idea, yet. The "yet" is the operative word. Give them the sense that you're really listening to understand, not to respond.

Use phrases like: "it sounds like," "it looks like," "it feels like," and reassure them that you are listening to what they're saying. For example, "it sounds like you're pretty tired of not being heard. Tell me, what's really going on?" or "it looks like you want to be taken seriously here. You've got my attention." or "it feels like you're in a really tough spot here. What do you need right now?"

You're not saying this because you're such a nice person, you are, but you're talking to a sociopath, you've gotta do a little acting. A lot of acting. You want to use your friendly, upbeat voice, like you're talking to a good buddy. That slows their brainwaves down and makes them feel safe. If you want to speed their brainwaves up and knock them off balance, talk fast and aggressively. If you want them to cool back off then use a slow cadence, deep tone, nice and easy, real slow.

Express a real interest in their point of view. Get them talking about all the absolute trash propaganda and their own narrative. Ramp up their sense of safety by respectfully acknowledging their emotions behind what they're saying. Paraphrase a little, let them know you're really here to listen to them. If they're holding back, prime them by guessing at what they're thinking and feeling. Learn to see suffering first.

Agree with them as much as you can. This might sound counterintuitive, but you've got to make them feel like you're really looking out for their best interests, so when they say something that you can agree with, focus on that.

Understand the difference between "You're right" and "That's right." "You're right" means "Shut up, please; I'm going to do what I like anyway." While "That's right" means "I now know that you understand where I'm coming from, and I agree with what you're saying."

Ask "no" oriented questions. People are more comfortable answering a question with "no" than they are with "yes." So, rephrase all of your questions that you want a "yes" to so that the answer you want is "no."

Let your own "no" out gently and only in teaspoonfuls. They're operating with a very self-centered mindset, so when you tell them "No" it's going to be like a slap in the face to them. Instead, ask "How am I supposed to do that?" They might tell you exactly how you're supposed to do that. So, say something like "It sounds like you've really thought this through. I'm sorry. I'm afraid that's just not going to be possible from my end." Compliment their intelligence and be apologetic. This person is an egomaniac, they'll eat that garbage for breakfast.

Get them to a point of cognitive overload by asking a rapid series of "how" and "what" questions. Any more than five and they'll be mentally exhausted. This can cause agitation, so be tactful of when you use this.

When negotiating you can't be so set on what you want that you wouldn't take something even better. Don't fixate on one outcome. Be open to the possibility that your best idea isn't actually the best idea.

One of your crucial objectives here is mutual respect. Don't dis the narcissist. Things will escalate if you start speaking disrespectfully. Use deference, tact, a calm approach, empathy (not sympathy), and let them know you respect them (especially if you hate their guts). Immediately apologize if you've said or done anything to offend them. Remember you're dealing with a totally self-absorbed human here.

Another thing to remember is you must be genuinely respectful. If you're faking it, they will be able to tell instantly. Don't be patronizing or condescending. It's very likely that they have been faking good intentions longer than you have, and they're most likely skilled in manipulation. So, don't even try to sound genuine, actually be genuine. You don't agree with them, you don't like them, but you do respect them.

Another critical objective here is finding a long-term mutually agreeable solution. You can always just shoot them once you get what you need, but don't focus on the short-term. Leave them looking forward to talking with you again. And then you can shoot them.

When you're in a good mood you're more likely to notice important details and make good decisions. The reverse of that is when you're in a bad mood you're more likely to miss important details and make bad decisions. So, do your damnedest to stay in a positive state of mind. Eliminate distractions, walk as much as you can (even just a 20-minute walk can clear your head and help your cognitive processing), eat well, sleep well, keep up with your hygiene and self-care, find the time to unwind and relax when you can. You can't afford to slip up on account of low blood sugar.

When you do get them to commit to something, make them spell out all the details. Ask questions. Lots of questions. Get precise answers, nothing ambiguous is going to go through. When they can visualize the outcome with you down to the smallest details, that is a very strong indicator that they really mean business here.

All of this takes practice. If you get in enough practice with negotiating in safe, low-stakes scenarios, like talking to your partner about dinner plans, or negotiating with a toddler about naptime, this will just start coming naturally to you.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of tools and tactics. I'm probably still traumatized by some of it and have forgotten a lot. I just felt like posting what I could recall while I still have some grey cells speaking to each other.

If you find yourself in a situation where you need to negotiate with a terrorist, a narcissist, a sociopath, or just a self-centered asshole, do yourself a service and research, research, research! Read every book you can get your hands on, watch every YouTube video and listen to every podcast on high conflict/high stakes conversations and negotiations, learn about psychology, biopsychosocial rhythms, read every blog, website, white paper, magazine article, and stone tablet you can find about human behavior. Exhaust every avenue and arm yourself to the teeth with knowledge.

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Part II is now available.

[a-titty-ninja]

「YOENKINGYO - Negotiation」

[moreespressoformydepresso]

TBOSAS fix it AU where the bombs go off during the mentors only arena tour instead of the mentors and tributes tour, and the mentors are stuck in the arena. They were extremely lucky, as rubble and debris fell around and over them in a way that created a small “chamber” that will hold for now. The Capitol tries to get them out, but due to the severely damaged structure of the arena anything they do risks making the entire thing collapse onto the mentors completely. They need people specialized in building structure and stability or cave rescue to do this, which means people from the districts. Especially District 2, for their masonry expertise, and District 1 and 12 for their mining experience which has left them with knowledge on how to handle rescued in unstable environments after mining accidents like cave ins. These districts are initially pissed off that they are being forced to help the Capitol save their snobby, useless children from the place where their own, wonderful, innocent children will be forced to kill each other in a few days, but then they realize something.

The Capitol cannot save these mentors without their help.

They need the districts.

This is their chance

They all separately decide to refuse to send people to get the mentors out until the Capitol sends their children home and officially dissolve the games. Sadly, the Capitol refuses. They decide to try and solve the problem themselves. A week later, they have made no progress, and the mentors are starving. They’ve had to drink the water the Capitol has been dropping onto the roof, which seeps through the cracks and spills down to the ground. It gives them an intimate understanding of how the tributes must feel during the games, only they don’t have to kill each other. At least they have the privilege of knowing help is coming.

Some of the tributes begin to feel a little bad for their mentors and volunteer to get some kind of food to them. Treech, Lamina, Wovey, Mizzen, and Sheaf can slip through the debris blocking the entrance far enough to shove liquid nutrients through the cracks without risking a collapse of the whole thing, which would kill the mentors. They take this opportunity to eat some of the packs and hide a few more in their pockets for the other tributes, but they do give the mentors a few of the packs. It’s… surprisingly kind of them, and it makes the Capitol people consider if maybe they should just go along with the districts’ demands to bring their kids home. By the time they finally accept the districts’ demands, the districts aren’t satisfied anymore and demand the peacekeeper bases be emptied out, and all the supplies be left to the districts, in all districts, to ensure they won’t just go ahead and drag the kids back to the Capitol for the games. They want the arena flattened to the ground, and full jurisdiction to decide what will happen to the gamemakers. The Capitol initially refuses, but the families of the mentors demand the Capitol do everything the districts demand so they can get their children home safe. Finally, the president caves to saving his son over listening to the crazy doctor’s demands and gives in to all of the districts’ demands in hopes to get the mentors out.

And… it works. The districts actually keep their end of the deal once the peacekeepers have cleared out and all the districts have their children back. They get the mentors out, most of whom first ask about if their tributes are okay since they couldn’t feed them while stuck in the arena. Surprisingly, most of them are relieved to hear the games have ended, even though that means they can’t fight to have the prize anymore. Most of them even manage to negotiate with the district workers who got them out to be allowed to see their tributes in the districts once in a while.

After that, things are tense but healing. The districts, no longer under threat of being shot by peacekeepers and able to defend their borders again, negotiate better treatment and equal distribution of resources. They no longer let the Capitol rule them the way they did before. But they are open to trading with the Capitol, basically splitting the country into 13 small micro-nations that trade with each other. The Capitol can no longer live in luxury the way they used to now that they can no longer hoard supplies, but they end up finding that it doesn’t ruin their lives the way they thought it would. And the districts are happy with their independence and safety, so it all works out.

[this-acuteneurosis]

Comforting

No matter how dark the galaxy gets, how dangerous, there is so much comfort to be found in the care of another. As imperfect and messy as they might be.

[pratchettquotes]

"Well, if I can be of any help to the Times--"

"We won't be bribed, either," said William. He knew he was galloping in among the sharpened stakes here, but he'd be damned before he'd be patronized.

"Bribed?" said Vetinari. "My dear sir, seeing what you're capable of for nothing, I'd hesitate to press even a penny into your hand."

Terry Pratchett, The Truth

[cecilysass]

Negotiation

Read on AO3 | Tagging @today-in-fic

They’ve been debating which case to work on next week so long that the car windows are all Rorschach test splotches of fog.

There’s a moment’s lull in conversation. Mulder reaches into the console, fishes out his bag of seeds and pulls it apart. His eyes lock on twin silhouettes in trench coats moving through the mist about twenty feet outside their car.

“You know, I hear they’re more than just partners,” he offers in a conversational tone.

“Who?”

“Gillis and Perez,” Mulder says, cracking open a sunflower seed, gesturing out the front windshield. “That’s the water cooler gossip, anyway.”

“Spending a lot of time at the water cooler, Mulder?”

“I’m in the know, Scully.”

They’ve been waiting in the car outside a row of weather-battered warehouses for two hours, part of a coordinated raid that hasn’t gotten its go-ahead yet. There have been days of briefings and prep, but something seems to have gone to shit, because they’re sitting positioned with practically the entire Bureau twiddling their thumbs. Dressed for action with no place to go.

Mulder suspects they’re probably not really necessary in this operation, which is about the size of the invasion of Normandy. They’d probably not be missed if they drove off and went to pick up some hamburgers.

But they’re nothing if not team players. And besides, this isn’t so bad. Scully sighs next to him, and he subtly glances at her. She’s leaning back against the seat, the soft arch of her neck exposed and her lips slightly parted. There are worse ways to spend an evening.

He turns back to watching Gillis and Perez through the front window. They’re dutifully walking the perimeter of the closest building.

The two agents don’t look overtly romantic, he decides. If it’s true, they’re discreet. They do walk side by side, very little distance between them, but they don’t touch one another. Gillis is a tall woman, so she stands almost at Perez’s height, and their heads keep arching towards one another to talk.

He wonders what they’re talking about. It could be anything—the raid, the weather, their favorite sexual positions.

Scully’s eyes track them, too, seeming to note every possible tiny physical clue.

“Hmm,” she says slowly and thoughtfully, “I admit, that’s interesting.”

“Interesting that it’s an open secret and there don’t seem to be any repercussions?”

“Yes,” Scully says, pushing back against the seat and stretching out her limbs like a cat. “And interesting in other ways, too.” She reaches down and, peeking first, helps herself to some of his sunflower seeds, her small hand slipping into the bag’s interior without crackling the wrapper.

Mulder makes an affirmative humming sound. “I thought so, too.”

“I mean, on some level it’s perfectly understandable,” Scully adds, placing some seeds between her lips, her eyes still focused out the window where the pair have disappeared around the corner. “They’re both very attractive. It’s hard to date in this job. People have needs.”

Mulder glances at her warily again. Jaw working on his own handful of seeds, he doesn’t answer right away, cautiously processing this statement. “Sure,” he says mildly. “I guess you’re right.”

And then the car is quiet, only the sound of cracking seeds and the rustling of the bag as he reaches for more.

“Actually,” Scully says casually, “it makes me think that we could do something like that.”

Mulder turns to her. “Something like what?”

“What Gillis and Perez are doing.”

“What?” He blinks rapidly. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes,” she says. Staring out the front window, she certainly appears serious, if a little uptight.

“You’re teasing, right?”

She looks down and carefully smooths the dark pants she wore for the raid, as if she has just noticed many sudden wrinkles. “If you don’t want to, fine. I was just raising the idea.”

“Raising… the idea,” he repeats, bewildered.

“Okay, Mulder,” she says with a small sigh. “I get it. It’s out of the question.”

“I’m just shocked that you would bring it up like … that you would just … it’s unexpected.”

“Let’s change the subject then. How do you like the Knicks this year?”

“I mean…” Mulder runs his hands down the sides of his face, dragging his cheeks. “What are you suggesting, exactly? How would you see it working?”

Scully’s eyes flash to his. “I’m not suggesting something in particular. It would be open to negotiation.”

“Open to negotiation,” Mulder says, shaking his head in disbelief. “Jesus, Scully.”

“What’s your concern exactly?”

“So this would be a ‘meeting needs’ kind of deal,” he says, using finger quotes. “A ‘taking care of basic urges’ situation.”

“That’s one possibility,” she says brusquely.

Mulder’s head twists rapidly back towards her. “What are the other possibilities?”

“Well,” Scully says. Her face changes color. “It could be a little more traditional than that, I suppose.”

“Traditional like what?”

“I don’t know, Mulder,” she says, throwing her hands up. “It would be open to negotiation. Is there an arrangement you would prefer?”

“To be honest,” he says, “I’d prefer not to have an arrangement at all.”

“Then we certainly don’t have to discuss it any more.” Her lips draw tightly.

“No, no,” he says, and he reaches out to place his hand on hers without thinking. “That came out wrong.”

“Mulder,” she says, stiffening under his touch, “let’s just gracefully drop it, okay? I regret bringing it up.”

“I just don’t want an arrangement,” he repeats meaningfully. “I don’t want a negotiation.”

“I get it,” she says shortly, jerking her hand out from under his.

“No,” he says. “No, you don’t.” He takes a deep breath. “It’s not that I don’t want … what you suggest. I’ve thought about it. A lot. Maybe too much.”

Scully’s mouth twitches at the corners as she apparently absorbs this. “Okay,” she responds. A pause. “Then why not?”

Mulder rubs his temples aggressively.

“I don’t think I could do it without … all of it. I mean, that’s not strictly true. I could do it. I’m only human. But I think it would end … really badly.”

“End badly how?”

“I don’t know about you, but to me sometimes it seems like things are too complicated between us already. This would be upping the ante. I’m pretty sure I’d always be wanting the whole thing.”

She’s confused. “What do you mean by ‘all of it?’ The ‘whole thing?’ We could negotiate that, if you wanted it. Make it part of the arrangement.”

“Scully,” he says in a fond, exasperated tone. “You can’t negotiate being in love. You know that, right?”

He thinks for a moment she’s not going to respond.

“And that’s what … you want?”

“Well, it’s probably not something I’m going to have a ton of willpower about, so don’t test me,” he says with a rueful hitch in his voice. “But in my experience, it’s a bad idea to enter into a sexual relationship with someone you’re in love with if they’re not in love with you.”

Scully is very still, apparently reacting to the implied revelation. He steels himself for more.

“I admit, I’ve done it in the past,” Mulder says. He’s proud of how calm he sounds. “I might even be prone to it, whatever that says about me. It’s ended in spectacular fucking heartbreak. You think it will work out, that you’ll convince the person, and it feels real. But it’s not. And in those cases, it wasn’t like…” He breaks off. “Well, it wasn’t like this partnership. Which, as I hope you know, is ... already different from most other kinds of relationships. I just think this would be a lot worse. More painful.” He hesitates before saying the last word. “Devastating.”

They don’t say anything for a moment. Scully has a strange, almost dazed expression on her face.

“Gillis and Perez,” Scully says, gesturing to where they’d walked around the corner. “Is that a meeting-basic-needs situation?”

“I have no idea,” Mulder says. “Maybe. Or maybe they’re one another’s soulmates. I don’t know. Water cooler didn’t cover that.”

She nods once. He hears her toying with the edge of the sunflower seed bag.

“For what it’s worth,” she says, after a moment, “I didn’t bring up the meeting-basic-needs idea. You did.”

Mulder’s brow furrows. “Did I? I thought you mentioned ‘needs.’”

“I used the word ‘negotiation,’” she continues, in her precise work voice. “Which doesn’t really reveal anything about the feelings of any of the parties. It just means parameters would have to be agreed on in advance.”

“I guess,” Mulder says doubtfully.

“I don’t know if it would be as risky as you’re thinking,” she adds with finality. “It seems to me that you’re making some faulty assumptions.”

“I don’t think I am,” Mulder says stubbornly. “I know myself pretty well, and I know my feelings.”

“Yes,” she replies, “but you don’t know mine.”

A pause.

“No,” he says in a different tone. “Now that you mention it, no, I guess I don’t.”

“It never occurred to me that we would have an arrangement without … attachment. I suppose I took the attachment for granted.”

“Attachment?”

She nods shortly.

“And by attachment, you mean…?”

She bites her lip and rolls her eyes. “Mulder.”

“That embarrasses you, Scully? Talking about feelings?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Just a little hard to believe when you were propositioning me for sex a few minutes ago.”

“I wouldn’t describe it as propositioning you for sex,” she says huffily.

“No? Come on. You were basically like: let’s negotiate a contract and take your pants off, Mulder.”

“That’s not what I was like,” she replies, flushing.

“I know what I heard.”

“I was only trying to say that maybe we should talk about this option … that we don’t ever talk about,” she says tightly. “That we both think about.”

“Scully—”

“An option that’s literally sitting right in front of us. That Gillis and Perez chose for themselves.”

He squirms in his seat, then pulls in a long, slow breath. “Yeah.” He’s not looking at her. “You’re right.”

“You were the one that made me sound so…” She composes herself. “You were the one that took feelings out of the equation.”

He steals a careful look at her. “I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t respond, and she’s looking away from him, but he suspects, from past experience with the various cadences of her voice, that she’s got tears in her eyes.

“I should have realized you had some protections up, too, Scully,” he adds roughly.

She looks down at her hands.

“Scully,” he tries, gently, “just to be clear in negotiation here—are you saying that … it might be possible for you and me to have a relationship where both parties hold equivalent feelings?”

She lifts her head, and there are indeed tears pooling in the corners of her clear blue eyes. “Don’t you know me at all? Haven’t you been paying any attention?”

He reaches over and takes her hand in his. Her small fingers feel gritty, like the salt coating his sunflower seeds.

“I thought I was paying attention,” he says. “But then you go and do something really, really surprising.”

“I thought I was being logical,” she says primly, looking down again.

He places a finger under her chin and tips her face up. “Very logical,” he says in a low, playful voice. “Nothing says logical like initiating a relationship with Fox Mulder.”

[little-noko]

WORLDVIEW - NEGOTIATIONS 01

Chapter cover

Previous

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Project Worldview @alainaprana

Kisara and Zigzag comic written and drawn by @alainaprana and @little-noko  Like what you see? Please consider-

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Previous entries

Finch and Fondu Chapter Cover

The Journal Cover

Campbell’s Errand Cover

Street Rat Cover

Kisara and ZigZag Cover

[mariakov81]

I really wonder why

[thepersonalwords]

The ability to close sales effectively has never been confined to the last few moments of the conversation.

Chris Murray, Selling with EASE: The Four Step Sales Cycle Found in Every Successful Business Transaction

[aylen-san]

Maedhros: Maglor, why should we go to negotiations with Morgoth? It’s clearly a trap! I don’t want any of us to fall into it.

Maglor: I understand your concerns, Maedhros. But Morgoth is playing on our fears. If we refuse negotiations, we might miss the chance to avoid greater losses.

Maedhros: And what guarantees do we have that this isn’t another trap? I can’t risk the lives of my brothers.

Maglor: I don’t want to take risks either. But if we ignore his offers, he might start attacking us without warning. We need to be prepared and consider negotiations as a tactical move?

Maedhros: So, you’re suggesting using negotiations to buy time for preparation? But what if Morgoth acts sooner?

Maglor: We need to be on guard and ready for any development. If we decide to proceed, we should bring reliable defenders. But if we refuse, Morgoth might accuse us of rejecting peace.

Maedhros: Perhaps you’re right. But the thought of a trap is unsettling. We need to figure out how to protect ourselves and our people.

Maglor: Agreed. We need to plan and be ready for everything. If we’re prepared for the worst, we might even benefit from the negotiations, even if it turns out to be a trap.

Maedhros: By the way, Curufin proposed an interesting idea. He wants to send a mechanical puppet resembling an elf and control it with a palantir. This could reduce the risk.

Maglor: A mechanical puppet? It’s risky, but it might work. If the puppet looks convincing enough, Morgoth might not notice the deception.

Maedhros: Yes, he suggests making it look like one of us for added credibility. But the palantir must work flawlessly, and the puppet must endure long negotiations.

Maglor: We need to thoroughly test the puppet and the palantir before sending them. We should also consider a plan in case Morgoth sees through the deception.

Maedhros: Agreed. Curufin also wants to equip the puppet with protective enchantments and means of transmitting information. This could help us stay informed.

Maglor: That sounds promising. If we execute it correctly, we might gather information and minimize risks. But we need to approach this very cautiously.

Maedhros: Alright, let’s discuss it with Curufin. If it works, we could get valuable information without putting ourselves in danger.

Maglor: Agreed. We need to act quickly to prepare the puppet and conduct tests. Let’s hope this plan proves effective.