#THIS SCENE FUCKS ME UP BC THEY JUST DROP THE TOPIC AT THE END LIKE...

[fairyhaos]

How To Fucking Write: a guide by fairyhaos

[masterlist]

this post details:

STARTING A STORY

PACING A STORY

hi gays and gals and welcome to "how to fucking write", a post (series) where i talk about how i brainstorm for writing, plan for writing, write the writing, and everything in between. nothing too serious here lmao, but i'm definitely planning on making at least a couple posts on this bc a) it's fun and b) i wanna help! so if you find this useful then pls lmk by reblogging + drop an ask if there are any specific things u want me to give my two cents on ^^

okok and now without further ado,,, let's look at the topics i'll talk about in today's post!

#1 - HOW TO START A STORY.

.. bullet point one : have an idea

the first big thing is that you need an idea. doesn't matter if you're a pantser and don't plan out your writing before you start. that's totally fine! but before you begin, you need at least an idea: maybe it's a vibe, a character personality, a specific journey you want the characters to go on. maybe it's a piece of dialogue. maybe it's the ending- the point you want to end up at after however many thousand words.

whatever it is, it's best to have some inspiration, some idea of what you wanna do. no point in writing if you don't know what you're writing, you know?

(of course, that brings up the issue of Having An Idea in the first place, but finding inspiration to write is a whole other can of worms we can open in another post.)

.. bullet point two : practice

okay, so now you have an idea. how do you put that idea to paper? how should you actually start your story?

it’s all to do with practice.

it’s the most annoying piece of advice in the world, but it helps so much. you just have to write lots and lots and lots, to find the way that works for you. whether you wanna start your stories with pretty scene descriptions, with dialogue, with dramatic one-liners. finding your voice, your style, what’s most comfortable for you, is really really important. and takes practice.

an example, though: for me, i prefer either a line of dialogue, or one-liners that a) help immediately establish a character’s personality or can b) introduce an interesting setting.

[chan + swingset] — one-liner example

[hoshi + silly] — dialogue example 

but of course, everyone’s style is different. so i’d recommend playing around! find a list of one-word prompts and just write a few that inspire you, writing the beginnings. it’s important, also, that you’re having fun, because if you’re already struggling with starting to write, it’ll be even harder if you’re doing it while feeling stressed.

.. bullet point three (mostly just for longer fics)

maybe you don’t find a style, in the end. maybe you’re comfortable with all of them, which is totally fine! but then you look at your writing, and you think, “oh… this isn’t as good as i thought.” 

and it makes you want to give up. what do you do, then? how do you carry on with your start?

just put words to paper. it doesn’t matter if the words are terrible, if you’re making up shit and using placeholders for description words or whatever. just carry on, get to a place you’re happy with, like the end of a scene, or maybe a dialogue exchange you really like.

because now, guess what? you’ve successfully created a first draft.

making first drafts is actually so important. seriously. first drafts allow you to fuck up, allow you to write terribly. they help you fumble and trip your way to the finish line (or at least a rest point) so that you can go back and do better.

even if your first draft is terrible, it’s helped you make your way to a point you’re happy with. now you have a vague idea of what you want, even if the description or characterisation or something is way off. because now, you can edit it, or even scrap it and use only a few words from that draft in your next one. or maybe, if you look back at it, maybe it’s even decent enough for you to use. 

whatever it is, when you first start writing that story, think of it as ‘The Worst Draft’. because it probably won’t be as good as you want it, and it’s okay. just write, with no fears of it being bad, because that’s literally fine. it’s not set in stone. the backspace button exists. after your first draft is made, make another. and another, and another, because i promise, after that first draft, it only gets better from there.

#2 - PACING A STORY.

.. bullet point one : adding things

pacing is always really tricky. however, i do think that slowing a story down is easier than speeding it up, so here we go,,,,

finding out the exact way to slow down a story really depends on what type of story you're writing, but there are a few all-round things you can do which can help pretty much any setting.

if it's a scene with loads of dialogue, and things feel like they're jumping to the end topic too quickly, add descriptions. your readers are blind, writers, and they depend on you to be able to see what's going on. are your characters having a conversation on the street? take a break to describe what they see. are they in a coffee shop? maybe someone comes in with a huge noise, or their coffee arrives at their table. are they hanging in midair with nothing around them? well, describe the actions of the character they're talking to, then.

example: (from my seoksoo fic bc it's the only long fic i'm working on rn)

by adding character descriptions, movement, thoughts, instantly everything seems to have slowed down. it thickens time, allowing you to move at a more leisurely pace.

if it's a scene full of action, you can do the exact same thing. maybe there's a high-tension moment and something significant happens. slow down time there, describe something small in great detail. talk about the thoughts they're having.

and even if it's just an ordinary scene, describing is important. the setting, the characters' actions, their thoughts. it's okay to write too much. then you can delete things which make things feel like they're moving too slowly.

.. bullet point two : delete

not gonna lie, finding out how to speed up the pacing of the story can often be really specifically tailored to the setting of the story.

with stories that have loads of action (spy, apocalypse, etc) i'd recommend adjusting sentence length. you'll want short, punchy sentences, without loads of commas and clauses, but you'll also want to experiment with having those short sentences gradually get longer. it helps with tension and suspense.

it has to be short. running fast. something to elevate fear. quick, but also desperate, before they then spill over each other, picking up pace, all of the thoughts blurring together and going faster, and faster, and faster, and then-

then the penny drops.

people use the metaphor of music a lot, and it really does work that way. it needs to ascend to its climax: gently, cautiously, before sprinting upwards and only describing things like the barest emotions (the fear they feel, the panic, anger, anything) before everything reaches its peak and comes crashing down in a flurry of action descriptions.

but of course, the easiest way to speed up something is to delete. delete swathes of setting description. delete unnecessary dialogue. delete an entire scene and rewrite with only the things you remember (which can help make sure you only have the essentials in your scene, btw. very helpful).

it might take a bit of adjusting, rewriting, moving things around, but ultimately, quickening the pace of the story depends on the way in which you write things. be concise, be dramatic, and don't dawdle.

... and that's it ! if anyone has anything else they want advice on (how to structure, how to write dialogue, how to plan etc) then just shoot me an ask, because i'd love to help however i can :)

tagging: @selenicives who asked for this in the first place hehe ^^

[khaoala]

Missing R4Y hard rn so I decided to torture myself and watch the ChristineMae reaction vid for ep 7. There’s no eng captions yet but no words are needed for the ending scene of that episode, they were in tears and i was in tears too 😭. Their goodbye still gets me every time.

Also recently i went down a R4Y rabbit hole and discovered that Christine had to drop out of the show due to health issues but was able to come back before filming started and the video of the team doing a surprise reveal for Mae of who the new four was gonna be and then in walks Christine and they’re both crying and of course i was crying 😭. This show causes me to do a lot of crying

Anyways yea…..

-🤫

hi, 🤫 anon, so, what the fuck?!

i'll admit i wasn't aware there were reaction videos for r4y, though I should have at least assumed since most gls/bls do film them. if anyone is interested in watching by the way, here's the link for the episode anon is talking about.

which brings me to the next topic, what the actual fuck? this is random tuesday and you come with pain at my door, ridiculous. but also, look at them, right?

and can i also just point out that they comforted each other bc in scene wa was telling four, "even if you can't remember me, it's okay. i will always be your natural satellite orbiting around you," which, honestly? such a tearjerker from the moment it happened. it's so sad how they separate.

this information about chris dropping out because of health issues makes my brain tingle because it doesn't sound like something i hadn't heard, so maybe i knew about it, but didn't know it was related to christine and r4y. i'm actually very glad christine and mae got paired up, they have good chemistry and are so sweet to each other, too. i can't wait to have them working together again, mae especially, i need her in my screen again, she's such a good actress.

[thesrctsoftheuniverse]

so over the weekend (literally two days) i watched 16 of the 18 episodes of season 3....... so here's my thoughts!!!!

i've already professed my love for the characters more than enough but i just need to remind everyone that i am sosososo in love with all these fucking characters, what a truly insanely likeable lineup of different personalities

eddie getting buck to babysit chris so he stops being stuck in a depressive spiral.... genius

the earthquake episodes last season were insane, but the tsunami disaster?????? off the charts. the scenes with buck and chris were fucking beautiful, i love this duo and need more of them NOW. buck cares about that kid so goddamn much. and while tired and injured he saves idk how many more people. the way him and chris are fighting for their lives and then buck is desperately looking for chris all while eddie thinks they're completely safe. eddie was freaking out last season because his son was stuck in a school, but he was calm during this disaster because he was with BUCK. it makes me so emotional. im sosososo glad that i had seen the outcome of chris being found before watching the episode bc idk how people who didnt know that beforehand could handle it. the scene with eddie finding buck with chris' glasses???? im going to start crying. and after all of that for buck being so sure eddie wouldnt trust him anymore only for him to drop off chris again like its nothing?? im going to sob

from what i have read online the lawsuit storyline is a very divisive topic in the fandom. i kind of see both sides. i can see that buck thought his hands were tied and that the only family he had was replacing him. but i know at the same time that it's an overreaction. bobby didnt have any reason to have buck stay on leave for that long when chimney proudly proclaims he went back to work after only a couple of weeks. i understand that bobby cares about buck like a son somewhat, but he was not being fair. buck also shows that he didn't really want to cause as much hurt and friction between them by apologising again and again and not even thinking about accepting the money, going back to the 118 even though he knew they were going to make it difficult for him. it was a tricky situation, but im glad they moved on from it fairly quickly.

the fight club eddie storyline is kind of wild????? also did he ever get any reporcussions from bobby for that??? men will literally do anything but talk about their issues and deal with their feelings. what an insanely gay thing to do.

love eddies conversation with bobby where he starts crying. eddie should cry more often (i say this with love)

lena im in love with you, do you like women?

chris' english teacher is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beautiful

i truly love seeing athena and her family grow and change over time. the relationship between bobby and michael is so important to me. i love them together. and michael's tumor storyline??? heartbreaking.

love albert!

chimney and maddie i love you two soso much you deserve the world, youre so imporant to me. chimney respecting maddies boundaries no matter what.... im gonna cry (A BABY?????????)

the episode of 911 dispatch being taken over might just be one of the best episodes of the series. i especially loved that we got to see characters that other times didnt get as much screentime. LOVE LOVE LOVE JOSH!!!

the athena begins episode is heartbreaking. and beautiful. the closure at the end, with her telling emmet's mother that they made an arrest. how beautiful. really well done. she never gave up on finding that man.

the eddie begins episode is also beautiful. him cutting the fucking rope???? idk how they want me to believe that he swam to safety but whatever..... anyways he loves chris so much and we got to see more of his and shannon's marriage which i loved. to be fair, he was kind of a shitty father and definitely a shitty husband, shannon was clearly not ok and i understand why she left. doesnt make it right, but i understand it. when he gets stuck underground and buck starts losing his mind, screaming, crying, throwing up and bobby gives him /that/ look. oh kill me now. that man was gonna dig by hand .... i love them.

the episode of buck helping that old veteran feel important and not alone at the end of his life? im going to start crying again. buck truly believes that no one will ever love him or choose him or stay with him forever.

michael talking to harry about what being black means when they encounter police was incredibly moving and heartbreaking. but also important. i just love athena's family.

hen hitting that cello girl with the ambulance...... oh i cried so hard, my heart broke for her. karen and her are so amazing together i love them so much, they truly are each other's rock.

i love the buckley siblings. i love the side characters. i love the main characters. i have so many thoughts.

abby....i understand that she had to get away from everything to find herself ok? but she shoudlve just texted or sent a letter to buck just to give him closure and not let him keep haunting her apartment. i dont like them as a couple, this shit has clearly hurt buck deeply and will not be easy for him to get over. she didnt really seem all to apologetic either at the end. i get it but also why did u have to hurt buck by not ever responding and ghosting him????

got so many funny and beautiful scenes this season, it was amazing!!! truly loved every character. it had that gay ass buddie kitchen scene... lol

but anyways....im already done with two episdoes of season 4 so bye

[themeraldee]

hello i am here to ramble about homelander's fertility (not because the g20 trailer dropped and i started feeling feelings and thinking thoughts what nooo). i'm never quite sure what i think the show's view is. are we meant to think ryan really is a fluke? could it be that hl's dna is just so v soaked that it doesn't work with other supes, only non-supes (sort of like bringing fresh blood into a royal lineage)? i'm not sure how many people we're meant to think he's slept with in the past - maeve for sure, i'm personally not 100% convinced stillwell let him go all the way until the end of s1 but then again they did have 20+ years of history so maybe they did, and there's that deleted scene where maeve says they broke up because he was sleeping around but it doesn't feel super character accurate to me and it is deleted so. nebulous canon. i mean, even as i type this i'm thinking up an angsty scenario where a much younger less jaded lab-fresh hl is seduced by a fan at a convention (let's be honest, she'd probably just have to gush and giggle a bit and his love starved ass would think they're soulmates) and he accidentally kills her during sex. so there are possibilities. but anyway to get back to my point. 😂 i've also wondered if vought just straight up lied to him that he was infertile, but this would seem a very silly thing to do as then he'd be less careful and more likely to have a kid. unless they were always planning for a ryan scenario where he'd get someone pregnant and they'd whisk her and the baby off to train to one day kill him without him ever knowing. but this doesn't seem to be the implication from what is said in the show. so if they really thought he was infertile, considering all the insane unethical science those scientists are involved in, that'd suggest ryan really is a fluke? otherwise how'd they get that wrong? i guess all this rambling is just to say i find that scenario even though it's the likeliest kinda boring and i prefer headcanoning there are just strange requirements for him to actually have a kid. such as the other person not being a supe. he'd hate that so it's more fun. 😂 by this headcanon maeve's eggs would've been useless to him even if he did get his hands on them, and i think that would've given her some satisfaction. even if surely vought would've figured this out if it was the case, the irony just feels fitting.

(oh the G20 trailer also totally didn't fuck me up at all...)

This is a great topic to discuss, I also find the way the show handles it strange. And I think they dropped the ball on it.

If your insanely powerful and dangerous science experiment suddenly produces an offspring you should be like... a little more worried? Vogelbaum's "nature is tenacious" explanation is strange. You've put so much work into creating Homelander. Surely you'd care more about him actually being fertile? Vought cared a lot about keeping him on a tight leash, they would have thought about how him possibly being fertile and having his own kid would change his priorities (and potentially loyalties) and rewire his brain. After how much work they put into keeping him docile and cooperative it seems crazy to me that they'd just brush it off.

Obviously they could've been freaking out in the background, which is why they hid Becca and whatnot but it just seems like very poor planning on their part.

Because if they genuinely believed he was infertile well then they did a shit job testing his fertility. Unless they knew he was fertile. And did something to try to sterilize him. However that turned out to either be not long lasting or not working at all.

I'm sure Maeve was on birth control when they were together just in case even if he told her that he was shooting blanks. It's not like she's gonna trust him with that 😆

However I do wonder how many other people he slept with. (I also choose to ignore the cheating allegations bcs it doesn't fit the way I view him, tho thinking about it if it was totally canon I could imagine him doing it as a desperate way to get Maeve jealous just to feel like she cares about him. While she took it as the easy way out.)

But I'm curious how much sex ed did Vought give him in the lab. If any 😆 I'm not sure about the timeline re: Homelander's debut, his and Maeve's relationship. But I think the idea of him getting easily swayed by a fan is fun. Especially if they never actually have sex and he accidentally kills her before they could get to it. That could put him off sex with non-supes for a little while (so no need to worry about him getting people pregnant) and then his actual first time would be with Maeve who again would be on birth control.

Then the next person in line is Becca. And that's the first time he actually had a chance to impregnate someone? And it took.

So maybe Ryan is less a fluke and more just Homelander not having had as much sex as we thought he would. Because he's not really been to exposed to most of it right. And seeing as he was out there already worshipped as something different than a human, something better, I imagine he didn't immediately go like. Hmm now that I'm free, it's time to finally fuck.

Also, I do like your non-supe theory! (The only other supe we know he had sex with was Stormfront but she could've also been on birth control.) I also adore the idea that for him to have kids it has to be with a human. Though at first infuriating I'm sure he would justify it all sorts. Like he's so godlike, other gods can't match him. He has to grace the lowly humans his presence to gift him another mini-him.

I think my final headcanon is that in the beginning, Homelander was sex-averse. After one bad encounter with a fan he realises that for him to feel good he has to lose control, which ends up in him killing somebody. Back then I like to believe that he cared about it a little. Or at least, he was spooked. Like 'oh no, oh no, oh no, Vought's gonna find out, they're gonna put me back in the bad room, they're gonna take away my freedom' kinda thing. Obviously since then he's gotten better at controlling his powers. But with Maeve then being his actual first time, somebody who can handle him is what ignites this need again and he's then constantly chasing that high, that pleasure. With how much I imagine sex was a part of their relationship as opposed to cute dates and hanging out, it's the only way he learned to love. Though that's off topic! But this is what I'm going with.

[genericpuff]

in reference to the have you read LO poll by god have I tried but god. God...

A vicious cycle. I go okay I really do need to plow through more of it if I'm gonna hang around the ULO reddit, and then I step on the comically placed rake. I can't do a complete skip thing bc I'll be too disorientated on where I'm at in the plot but my brain only tolerates it up until she declares she's missing her dick appointment and like, girl. Please. You committed mass murder (if not genocide) and this is a slap on the wrist considering, let alone that your moms got the worse end of the deal.

Why it's that specific moment idk but the bottom just drops out for me and it's soooo fucking stupid because like, she couldn't have just... bitched about being stuck with hard labor? That's the bitchy shit I'd sort of expect from a privileged nepo baby and even barring the twue wuv story going on it's her actual biggest issue going on right then. What she's presently living out. But yeah no, horny, we gotta establish that she's horny. Okay.

Sorry about the borderline vent over it there's just enough really interesting thoughts mixed up in the pile of flaming garbage to make one go rabid if they stew on it, and you clearly get that given the rewrite. Have a good day.

omg i've had that exact sort of thing happen with me before too tho, not in quite the exact same sense of like, "wanting to take part in a community but struggling to get through the source material it's based on", but there are like, so many webtoons and manga and stories I've tried to read - after being urged to by pals and people who read them - that I've dropped after multiple attempts of trying to read them. And they're not necessarily dumpster fires like LO (though some of them definitely aren't great) it's more like I'm sitting there wondering "when's this gonna get good? when's this gonna be worth all the hype?" Tower of God is the biggest one that comes to mind, I have tried to read that webtoon on SEVERAL occasions and I just can't justify trudging through all those early episodes for it to maybe "get good". And that's not even me saying it's bad, it's just not interesting to me in the slightest. No hate to anyone who likes ToG, I think I've also sorta drifted away from shonen over the years so that's definitely not helping, but I just can't be bothered to try and read that webtoon anymore, I've given it so many attempts and I'm doing lmao Kudos to the creator though because it's a LOT of work to make a webtoon of that length and they should be proud of that.

Back on the topic of LO though, yeah, I was following the comic when that episode was still brand new and it really made us all go 🤨 because of how out-of-pocket it was. And then like an episode (or two?) later she bullied a former classmate of hers from 10 years ago at his job. That was the precedent for Persephone's character that was set for the third season of LO and it's just gotten worse as it's gone on.

Either way, if I'm being honest, you're really not missing much by skipping over the majority of S3 (like, if you made it to the dick appointment episode before giving up then you're already pretty close to the current point in the story). Like I'm not gonna lie, you could easily skip up to the midseason cutoff point because everything leading up to that is just a bunch of nothing. Hades and Persephone get married and it's the most underwhelming scene ever despite it being the moment people had been waiting years for, also they 'adopt' Dionysus but he's barely in the comic except for when Rachel remembers he's a character so you could also get by on minimal details. Oh yeah, and it turns out Demeter had a kid during the 10 year time skip who we see in like two episodes and then proceeds to get fridged forever.

So yeah, as much as I'd recommend people read LO as a sort of "entry ticket" into the crit community surrounding it, S3 is a lot of nothing and you would frankly not miss out on a thing if you skimmed it or skipped the middle portion of it entirely lmao

[utopians]

I mean s1 was deffo better than s2 but why do you say that it wasn't good? /gen

mannn honestly it would take ages to enumerate all my problems with it but these are the main ones

just a massive, massive tone problem. this show just has no clue what it wants to be and it's bad as hell as a result. the wilderness scenes in this season had some of the darkest stuff of anything in the show (eating jackie + shauna miscarriage + shauna beating lottie) and having all that next to like... misty's quirky reddit boyfriend just absolutely defanged it. the show doesn't want to commit to being either a quirky mystery/comedy or a gritty survival horror and because of that it fails to effectively be anything at all

misty's reddit boyfriend in general just sucked so bad. like what was that

the escalation from 'we're hungry' to 'let's draw cards and murder whoever gets the wrong one' occurred over the span of ONE EPISODE. one SINGLE episode without ANY NEGOTIATION. literally not one single scene of the characters even TALKING about it before it happened. what a joke. what an absolute joke. they had an entire season to build to it how'd they fuck it up this bad

this is a problem I had with the first season as well but the survival threat feels so told and not shown. like we're told all these characters are Soooo Hungry but none of them are ever actually like. fatigued. or ill. or Dying. like how the fuck is coach ben still alive man. it just makes the escalation to killing people that much more abrupt and the whole situation seem so contrived when it doesn't actually feel like they're in danger

just in general the show like. refuses to let any of its characters feel anything at all. shauna straight up killed an innocent man that she was having an affair with last season and the extent of the emotional fallout of that act is her making quirky Oh Whoopsie comments about it. like that would be an insane traumatic thing to go through and you'd think it would be the kind of thing the show would want to explore. but no. not on amc's yellowjackets

on that same topic. shauna beating lottie had weirdly little emotional fallout. like ik they didn't like each other but shauna almost beat lottie to death with her hands and seemed just like. kind of sad and apologetic afterwards. like you'd think that such an act would have some sort of extreme ramifications for her relationship with the group and her own emotional state but nah

in the same vein: this season did adult taissa SO dirty. all the little plot threads that made her story difficult and compelling last season have completely been dropped -- her wife and son were literally written out like 4 episodes in and we don't see any of the emotional complexity of her leaving behind those relationships. additionally the last season ended with her being elected senator (sth that could cause a lot of conflict and drama bc of the increased responsibility on her shoulders + surveillance and scrutiny of her life) and it literally just. never comes up again? like her wife is in a coma and her son is just left fully parentless and she walks away from her job as a US STATE SENATOR and not only are there no consequences she also just literally does not seem to care. I feel like the writers just had no clue what they wanted to do with her and so they just gave her... nothing. no conflict no emotions just nothinggggg

okay they did give her one thing. they gave her an evil alter ego. which is mad corny imo. last season it was weird and ambiguous enough that I enjoyed it but this season it was just so literal and on the nose and I did not enjoy it One Bit

similar to the cards thing lottie deciding that they needed to kill one of them at the end was so damn abrupt and stupid. like literally so pointless and out of nowhere

natalie's death was so silly and contrived that it actually made me laugh

adult van is not butch enough ‼️‼️‼️‼️

[youreavicioustrollop]

S5 E3: Desperate Measures

considering the last episode ended on a cliffhanger it's taken me A While to watch this one! oops, sorry Harry! (to be fair I had to squeeze in the first three murderbot episodes today)

We're jumping back in time? Oh, to when Athena first tracked down this guy! Don't love that we're re-watching her assault. Especially after he's been doing evil the last two episodes. OOOOOHHHHH, her bullet hit him through the groin??? jfc. and that cop's little smirk! unprofessional but warranted. "you got me hung for murder" SIR YOU ARE THE ONE CHOOSING MURDER.

see, athena's face post-assault, I don't need to see that again! and i love a music drop, but this song being associated with him is eeeeevil. he's licking athena's underwear?!?!! that's SO GROSS. but harry recognizes that he's not from the neighborhood! "my ex-husband's surgeon boyfriend doesn't need to be the one out here canvassing!" that's such a fun sentence and also an excellent point. shows he's a good dude, too!

lol, athena selling him on 'just escape and leave my son alone'

ooooh, athena being called a cop who happens to be a mother, not a mother who happens to be a cop. that's TRUE. evil man.

may at dispatch!!!! Sue being tasked with keeping May safe!

oh no, athena staying home and bobby going Back to Work. and he's taking david home, too! leaving the Bio-Parents in this situation. (don't love the underlying message with this. david and bobby are JUST as important in this family) I do love that Michael is always like BITCH i was married to you for twenty years, I KNOW you. and he's always right.

yay harry getting out of the car!!!!! good job, bb! scary, but good! oh no, he's pretending to be a cop and using racism against harry with this white lady!!!!

oh NOOOOOOO the autonomous cop free zone! i heard about this from the very long youtube video I watched. the actual situation this is based on went VERY differently and it was actually cops not sending people in, not that they wouldn't let first responders in! (iirc) okay, now i'm pressing play again to HATE this storyline/twist. jfc.

okay, I understand why bobby might be a little testy in this situation, since harry just got kidnapped. is actively missing. and he's at Work. but eddie doing his little 'what the fuck is up with cap?' look to buck. OH, and the 118 didn't even know harry had been kidnapped! now they do.

"i shot off his junk" LOL. glad that michael can laugh at it. it is funny.

aaaah, michael tearing up a crime scene bc he doesn't know how to act and is terrified for harry. i feel for him.

may on social media, yay! i mean, not yay that this was so topical, but i'm glad it's showing that social media recording of cops is good.

wtf is this house. is this that house where the dad was keeping the young son in the hole in the wall? or was he putting together this creep house for this express purpose?

BOBBY'S PRAYING THE ROSARYYYYYYYYY :'( and the team talking about it and empathizing.

why do these autonomous zone people have military grade rifles?

commandeering 8 city blocks doesn't really make any of these people criminals. they let people in and have free food and are protecting people! it's basically just a really large block party that doesn't want any cops! i do like that athena showed the video to everyone and the COMMUNITY were able to snuff him out basically immediately.

athena playing mind games tracking this dude down. oh look, it's the 118! hello!!!!! oh, he threatens bobby and he's DEAD. but he hasn't told athena where harry is yet!!!! also, how the hell did they get the firetruck down into a metro station like that???? onto the tracks?

ooooooh, i forgot he was a real estate dude. that makes sense.

"we don't need keys" bobby, keys might be useful! lead you to the Right house. ooooooh, wet paint! that's what the paint was for! also lookit angela basset ACTING her ASS OFF. and just the biggest plethora of people around him and it's like, phew, you do need to let the paramedics around him.

oh look, the power conveniently is coming back on! never found out how the hackers situation got resolved.

"manly glance of unspoken confidence" lol, chim.

i love this may athena relationship.

awww, buck thought eddie would be the first one out the door for christopher, but eddie hasn't figured out what he's gonna say to ana!!!! i KNEW i was forgetting a plotline from earlier. i am EXCITE. but also lookit their faceeeees!!!! they know it's a Big Moment Emotionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"hi honey. i'm home" LOL, THAT'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!! (but also like, hi honey i'm home being what he wants to say to a partner who is home after his possibly longest ever shift and then she's literally live on-air at work instead. hmmmmmmmm methinks this is some brilliant character work and/or foreshadowing) also the angle that he is looking at the tv at, staying completely horizontal.... that's sexual, right? or is that just me?

also i love narrator!taylor back in action, that the hackers basically just disappeared and scrubbed their existence from the internet. convenient!

canned fruit??? she's never had canned fruit???? please tell me this is just ana being a california native or something. because otherwise this is bougie as HELL and doesn't match with what little characterization we have from her.

i do love that they made muffins, though! and eddie awkwardly trying to start the MOST awkward conversation after she's literally been at his house caring for his child for five days. "maybe you should go home first" out of context, horrible. in context. he spins it! she's been stuck here for days she deserves some time for herself! which is true. but she's also very comfortable and homey in eddie's house! which is Alarm Bells for eddie.

okay, okay, it's happening. gonna try and not pause and watch it all the way through.

ana did catch his tone though, which is why she's going all over the kitchen frantically! oh, but ana stands UP for herself. she knows EXACTLY what's happening.

"you're an amazing father" being the one thing ana leaves eddie with. jajea;dnsdjeaj;aew nd;aj

okay i rewound. jfc. Eddie's doing his best to be SO GENTLE. he closes the door! he's clear that ana needs to stop and they need to talk. "we need to talk" "those four words" bitch she knows what's UP. and she immediately connects it to eddie passing out/panicking!!! she UNDERSTOOD that he had a panic attack after someone called her his wife. but eddie's so confused that she knows so confidently - confidently enough to throw it in his face like that when he only JUST put two and two together.

he's pulling this conversation from him not being in love with her or seeing a future with her, but she sees that he literally had a panic attack at the idea of a future with her and knows they're unsustainable. she's been thinking about it too! probably more than he was because buck had to push him into thinking about it! he was going to just go along to get along! "i don't want you to panic when you think about me. when you think about a future with me. i can't take that" YOU ARE SO RIGHT, ANA!!

"i thought it would work... the idea of us." i'm pulling my hair out, this is devastating. "chris loves you so much. I just thought..." "that eventually you would too?" "i should've said something sooner" heeeeeeeeeeeelp. "i guess it's your mess, now." DAMN. lookit that metaphor. and she leaves him with "you're an amazing father" a gentle caress and a cheek kiss!!!!!!!!! she knoooooooooows! she KNOWS that if he had a choice about falling in love he would choose her! but his heart's not in it!

and like, lets pretend this isn't gay!eddie. this is so much care and so much consideration between two people who were a ready-made family, who were operating that way, who should have fit! but if he's not gay and this is just a storyline about him not being in love with her, he's been dating to find a mother for christopher and not a wife he loves for himself? well actually that is kind of devastating. that is pretty poignant now that i think about it. but it's VERY soft and gentle about it. like almost too much so. but if it's gay!eddie plus all of the dating to find his son a mother not to find himself a partner? THAT is the care and love and softness this scene gives. eddie is trying So Hard to fit into a box and ana is the perfect square for the box! except in his interiority he's not a square, so it's actually not a good fit!

anyway. this is devastating and much better in-context (it was very good out of context, too) and i can't believe a madney scene is following on its heels.

chim is home but where is maddie!!!!! oh he has to go back to the station!!! "not maddie, the baby" Ravi was the only one here which is who she dropped the baby off to! and jee-yun was at the station when bobby came back! SHE LEFT CHIM A VIDEO MESSAGE

"you don't need to go to the police or come looking for me" noooooooooooooooooooo maddie! "i know that you're gonna take really good care of her and she's better off without me." mADDDIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :((((((((((( okay i do love that the video ends with her taking a deep inhale. KENNY CHOI BRILLIANT ACTING HELLO!!!

[georgieluz]

fuck professionalism and neutrality, i wanna hear alllllllll of your opinions!

okay, you've convinced me!

no, that didn't take much, bc i am, in fact, not professional or neutral at all! i am loud and annoying, so here we go!

musically, soar is my favourite. it just hits all the right spots for me and builds flawlessly. i just can't get enough of it and it really was a 'fall-in-love-at-first-listen' for me. i've had it on loop since the day it was released and there isn't a single section of the piece that i don't absolutely adore. i think it takes care of all its elements so well and transitions between sections beautifully. just truly 11/10, like i can't express how hard this score goes. blake neely truly outdid himself on this one. i have to mention how much i love the rest of the score for the show too, not just the main theme. i know that's not the topic of the poll, but i think he did a fantastic job and some of the scoring for the flight scenes genuinely raised my heart rate up high enough that my apple watch had to send me three warnings whilst i watched episode 5. but yeah, just a perfect score imo! and if i were being completely honest, in a very unbiased way, my outright favourite.

i do have a nostalgia bias for the band of brothers theme though, and i do think it's absolutely gorgeous and has a delicacy to it that the others don't. it gently prises open your rib cage and wraps its hand tenderly around your heart, squeezing just enough for a single tear drop to roll down your cheek. there's something inexplicably sad about it, but because of that tiny silver lining of hope that runs through every note as well, you can't quite pinpoint why you're sad. it's like you've had your memories erased, but you know you lost something more than just that, that something overwhelmingly sad happened to you, but you just don't know what. it builds so gently as well, and then finally, it soars just for a second right at the end, before landing us back down on the ground again ever so lightly.

so, those two are generally my two favourites, i would say, but as someone in the notes called out, i will admit that had i listened to both of them fresh for the first time today, i would feel more drawn to soar, because it's the kind of piece i really gravitate toward. whilst band of brothers is a show that i've held pretty dearly in my heart for about a decade now, so it has an element of familiarity, that comes from loving something for so long, helping it out.

someone else in the notes of the poll made a great point about gen kill's use of music (or lack of it) being a character in itself, and i thoroughly agree with them and think gen kill's handling of sound was spot on. it's whole thing is next-level-gritty-realism and it wouldn't have been as impactful, or successful, if they'd done it any other way when it came to sound design.

plus, ray providing the soundtrack is just top television!

honor is somber but also light in a way, so it doesn't overpower you too much, i prefer the beginning and middle sections, as the end builds into a more standard patriotic sounding piece (still beautiful but i find myself enjoying the earlier section much, much more). but yeah, it's still a favourite to listen to, i just don't tend to feel as drawn towards it as much as the other two.

i'll stop rambling now but i could go on all day about how much i love soar like i can't seem to shut up about it?

there's no right answer tbf like all these scores are great but soar kind of is the right answer really, for me at least.

– ask is in reference to this poll

[x-neurotoxin-x]

the way they had the todofam kinda jump him and downplay his trauma too. your brother was the first abused child, almost died and was experimented on while he was unconscious for three years and ran away when he found that his father wasn’t going to change. who knows what else he experimented while being homeless as a teen/young adult. from his clothes and his medical conditions, we can tell that life hasn’t been going great for him. that and he only sees himself as an extension of endeavor—he doesn’t seem himself as a real person with his own identity but just another form of endeavor.

“we need more complex characters!” you can’t even handle dabi who is one of the most complex characters in bnha. it’s the way everyone else gets a pass but dabi? he’s just as much of a victim as shigaraki, toga, twice, the l.o.v as a whole, but he’s the only character i’ve seen who is constantly invalidated because his “responses aren’t the correct ones.”

So sorry this took so long to respond to

Fr though. Mha hasn't done a great job in handling heavier topics like child abuse and whatnot but especially with the todofam and more specifically Touya they really dropped the ball. I've disliked this current arc in the manga for a number of reasons, but the major thing is just how they handled the todofam plot. Why is Touya treated like hes the root of the family's problems? Why does the whole family act like hes a child throwing a fit for no reason? Then the whole thing with him telling Shouto he was basically kidnapped and experimented on while in a coma for three years then came back home to find the family thought he was dead, moved on from him, and nothing changed so he just basically disappeared to be homeless in the streets for like seven years and Shouto basically went "cool story bro but it doesn't mean you can kill people." And didn't react beyond that? Because what the fuck. Shouto might be the only person that can even SEMI understand some of what Touya went through and you'd think he'd be able to understand and relate to what Touya's feeling and be more sympathetic towards him but he's just... Not. Again, the whole family is kinda just acting like Touya's causing problems and being a bother. It's just... Not good writing.

Especially frustrates me bc the other two of the villain trio are met with compassion and understanding, Toga's fight was resolved too quickly and her sacrificing herself was kinda a shitty writing choice and she is understood and accepted by the end of the fight, and gets a sense of closure. Shigaraki is also sympathized with and reached out to by Izuku, and even got closure from Nana with that one scene, snd hes done arguably the worst things in the series but has still been met with compassion and sympathy and is recognized as a victim by both fandom and narrative/character. 90% of the time Touya isn't even recognized as a victim or shown any kind of compassion at all. Even the bare minimum. It's just kinda fucked up especially when looking at the other two because yes imho Touya's a more complex character than both Toga and Shigaraki (don't kill me but it's true) but their characters were both given closure for their arcs and/or understanding and sympathy, and their traumas are validated and handled pretty well so like... Why not Dabi then?

[luvie-42]

Loki laufeyson x Y/N Time of love

alr New fanfic series! kinda nervous bc idk what to do- BUT ILL TRY MY BEST LITTLE ONES!!! listening to my hype playlist aint helping im abt to dance

WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, cursing, strict parents, knife/dagger. if you dont enjoy or feel comfortable with these topics you're free to leave!

-You were a simple 29yo woman with abusive parents. You had no other place to stay, and your best friend had strict parents. They don't allow anyone else but family members in their house. You were in a miserable life, but your friend supported you all the way. Today those sorry excuses of parents let you go to the busy street where it looked so beautiful. Can't believe they let you out the house with booty shorts and a oversized hoodie and headphones

(this but it was night time)

-Just now getting out of a place you see everyone freaking out suddenly. "What the hell could be going on?" whispering to yourself. You saw this gut in gold, green and black holding some staff with a bright blue light at the end of it. To be honest, he was kinda cute. He starts to introduce himself. You thought this guy was just doing the most, until he shouts. "KNEEL". Every person starts to kneel before the man, he did look dangerous and like he can do some serious damage to this part of the town. You jumped and stood there against the shop wall.

-He starts to look if everyone followed his order but his eyes are locked to yours. You wanted to run out of there and get to your house but you didn't budge. He makes everyone make a path to get to you. Your bag of food dropped out of your grasp, your eyes went wide, and you started shaking. He's in front of you. Staring at you. You expected worse like he would make you kneel but, he took off his helmet and put the staff against the wall

-"Hello there mortal." He says blandly looking up and down at your figure. You start noticing and wanting to cover your plush thighs but you feel like you can't move. He starts to speak but notices your red face looking somewhere else from his gaze. "I'm Loki, God of mischief and I am burdened with a glorious purpose" Did he really just say that? "O-Oh I'm Y/N" Stuttering because of his tall figure with his hands next to his mid section to show that he wont hurt you.

-Out of nowhere he makes a dagger appear and hands it to you. He smiles while you hesitantly take it from his cold hands. "Thank you.." "Don't think of me as a villain, I'm like you. Neglected." He sure did look like it. You thought this was a myth but you snapped out of your trance when some guy in the american flag colors appears behind ya'll. "Excuse me for a moment" Loki says giving a warm smile and wink.

-You were positively sure this was not the first meeting you guys would have. You grabbed your bag and ran back to your house. Opening the front door, your dad comes to the door to yell at you but then notices you're shocked and almost traumatized. "The fuck your scared for? We didn't beat you up THAT bad!" You don't give an answer, but the fact that you met a GOD. A LITERAL GOD. "Why aren't you ANSWERING MY QUESTION!?" Your dad yells before throwing a beer bottle at you. You then again snapped out of your trance and use the dagger that Loki gave you

-You crashed the glass bottle to the floor and your mother then came to the scene to find a shocked father and a scared but still shocked daughter. "What the actual FUCK is happening?!" You were gonna say something but your father just had to cut you off. "YOUR STUPID LITTLE GIRL JUST CRASHED AND SPILLED A FRESH BEER BOTTLE TO THE FLOOR" You looked at him with disbelief. "You threw it at me! What was i supposed to do?!" "LET IT HIT YOU BITCH! WHY DO YOU HAVE A DAGGER TOO?!" Your mom just stood there but then heard you had a dagger, she never raised you like that but then again she abused you from 4 years old.

-"What is wrong with you Y/N?!" That. Was. The. LAST. Straw. "Y'know what? I'm DONE! IM 29 YEARS OLD, A FUCKING ADULT. YOU WONT LET ME LIVE MY LIFE, YOU WONT LET ME HANG WITH THE ONLY FRIEND THAT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE FAMILY, AND THE FACT YOU GET MAD OVER THE SMALLEST THINGS!! I MET A GOD WHO'S FIGHTING A SUPERHERO, AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES YOU BEAT ME UP!" The parents look flabbergasted at the sudden outburst of their daughter "Do you know who your talking to little girl!?" your mother who had the audacity to blurt. "YEAH THE BITCH WHO CANT TAKE PROPER CARE OF THEIR DAUGHTER!" You said before leaving once more to your room to pack up and leave this retched household. -I wonder if i'll meet him again...- (- - mean thoughts)

GAWD DAUYM AM I TIRED. sometimes on july i just cant sleep and it happened last july so thats why this took so long but I TRIED MY BEST LITTLE ONES (why does little one remind me of thanos???)

[nilesmoon]

Hi, I loved your post about the family vacation with Ichi and Sawashiro. And I'll just say that I didn't have a problem with Sawashiro's role in IW... until the very last second. Because they get a freaking helicopter for Kiryu, but no one even went to look if Sawashiro was ok?? They just leave him in the chair while tending to Kiryu. BOTH of them are dying.

Like holy shit, Ichi would have gone to him in a second. He would have stopped Ebina's monologue instead of just standing there without even knowing if he was alive or not. That was for me the most disrespectful moment. I loved how Ichi believed in him at the beginning of Chapter 10, and then I was expecting some kind of reunion at the end but he f*cks off to Hawaii, not even a "Please save the Captain" to Kiryu or anything. That's what made me the most mad

I really hope they pay us off in Y9, he better come back with a cool eyepatch and join the party

Omg I didn't really expect anyone to read that post let alone get an ask about it but I'm so glad that you loved it!! And huge same if he's not coming back as a party member or dying in a meaningful way, there's no point bringing that asshole back.

Me, being the Arakawa family tragedy enjoyer that I am, was overjoyed to see Sawashiro back for 8 and while he did have a few banger moments, the ending really did ruin it all for me. Me bitching abt it under the cut bc I need to puke out my anger Somewhere

Like I keep going back to think about how Ebina calls Ichi, tells him that he's got a bone to pick with him, tells him that he's holding Sawashiro captive bc what better bait to dangle in front of Ichi than the possibility of someone he cares for getting hurt??? And lets be real here the rest of the cast has no reason whatsoever to care about Sawashiro other than him being someone important to Ichi. (I think Tomi says something like 'i dont know this guy but if he's being used as bait he's gotta be important to you' iirc)

Then Kiryu walks in and is like "leave Ebina to me" bc Ebina's plotline is suddenly something personal Kiryu has to deal with??? (my feelings about kiryu being a protag in this game is a whole diff can of worms that I wont open rn but keep in mind how its mostly negative) So Ichi leaves that to him and doesn't really state what he's feeling about all the new info that gets dropped on him (this could be a 'Ichi putting others above himself' moment but i still hate it bc whats the point of Ebina's '''plot twist''' if Ichi was not even a part of it????)

And my god Sawashiro at that last scene. I think my live reaction of that scene is still on twitter where I just bitch for an hour. Even before the scene happened I was like "If they kill Sawashiro without Ichi present it'd make no sense. just like how killing Hanawa without Kiryu present was a Bad Choice".

When that chair turned... I think I tuned out the rest of Ebina's monologue bc I kept thinking the same 3 things: 1. none of this would've happened if sawashiro came with me to hawaii, 2. there's absolutely no reason for this to happen with This Cast (i dont think they even react outside of gasping or something) and 3. when will this masato clone wanna-be shut the fuck up so I can beat his face in (One thing I'll give to that chair scene was how it was a direct parallel to Hoshino's corpse. I think it was a very sexy thing rgg did.)

And then they're like "look!! he's not dead!!!" but at that point I was not sure if that was a 'last words' or a 'he's still alive!' moment. and I'm gonna be honest I Still Do Not know bc just like you said anon, NOONE DOES ANYTHING ABOUT HIM??? (nor about ebina for that matter) AND THEN THERES NO FOLLOW UP WHATSOEVER????? and all this makes me see it as sequel bait tbh

and I'm not even going into how he doesnt even get to meet Akane again. Thats a whole other topic on its own and I think I already typed out enough lol.

[aprillikesthings]

YOOO time for more she-ra rewatch

lolol at myself bc when I opened Netflix it was clear I'd left it paused right at the end of that sword-dragging scene eheheheheheh

so I watched it again

ahem, anyway

s1 ep 10, the beacon

my headphones aren't buzzing this time, thank fuck

(lol I got real distracted during this one)

oh right they all think Entrapta's dead

Also ADORA STOP

I mean I can't blame any of them for feeling that way

lol and then I got distracted and wrote a bit on my fic--I got some ideas at work today and wanted to pursue them.

and by "ideas" I mean I suddenly thought "hey remember that one bad breakup when you were 23, how the weekend after when you were alone in the house you cried so hard you worried you couldn't stop and started to panic and hyperventilate, and it only ended because a friend called to check on you? you should put that in the fic :D"

back now.

I dunno if they meant to do this, but to me it looks like Adora's WAY more upset than Glimmer and Bow are. I know part of it is her blaming herself.

yeah that's not good

"I'll recharge, stop glitching, and my mom never has to know :)" that's not how that works bb but okay

(hordak is speaking here)

And...that's a good point. She-Ra is even more dangerous than Hordak thought before, because she was part of the Horde and knows a LOT about them.

BAHAHAH I WAS WAITING FOR THIS

So this is one of the episodes I watched the first time with Daci over rabb.it. (That was actually our first "date," which is THE MOST LESBIAN THING EVER. Literally watching She-Ra online together in voice chat because we were long-distance.)

And I know this because I made a joke post about it to tumblr referencing K/DA, my fandom obsession at the time. That was on April 30th, 2019. I think that was the day Daci bought the plane tickets for their first visit. They moved in with me less than a year after that first visit.

Okay I looked up that date in our discord chats and

EIGHT HOURS lolol okay we watched the show the day before I made the post. Also Daci had just bought the plane tickets I was right-- that visit was the last weekend in June.

We'd been flirting for months but I didn't actually believe Daci was serious about it until they bought the plane tickets. And then the NEXT WEEKEND after watching she-ra and Daci buying those tickets my dad had a brain hemorrhage and we took him off life support a few days after that, and Daci and I started video chatting EVERY DAY because I was alone in the house and off work for two weeks of bereavement leave.

ANYWAY OFF TOPIC

Fuck one of my keys is acting up and the the paintbrush I use to dig under my keys to fix it is upstairs where Daci is sleeping, if I drop any r's that's why

I mean that seems fair. Also: Emily!!!

I'm trying to suppress how hard this is making me laugh and FAILING

Also her nose is wiggling omggg

Did you know it's canon that Catra is entirely covered in hair like an actual cat? Or at least it's "word of God" via the showrunners on twitter. But outside of fan art by furries nooooobody includes that. Especially not in fic. Which is fine. Because I personally do not want to write that. Her ears are fuzzy, the marks on her arms are just birth marks, but the hair on her body is just normal human body hair and that's it.

THAT SAID I think I've only read one fic that intentionally included her sense of smell being stronger, and it was referenced in ONE LINE for smutty reasons eheheheheheh

Anyway it's this fic and it's by a friend and it's good

(EDIT, nearly a year later: LOLOL yeah so I hadn't read that much catradora fic at that point. Meanwhile, literally every n7punk fic includes the fur and sense of smell, and their fics are hardly alone on that)

SURPRISE!

Catra's expression is so often some variation on "...the fuck?"

Literally read a fic last week with a scene about how getting ill in the Horde was a good way to end up dead from a combination of bad nutrition/healthcare and being a victim of bullies but I cannot remember which fic it was

NO WAIT it's this one I think. I've still got two chapters to go reading that fic because I've been intentionally savoring it, the character stuff is just SO GOOD and it's just such the opposite of my own writing style. (But it's also the fic that has a scene of "Adora has a nightmare and injures Catra in her sleep," and I really hope nobody thinks I copied it considering I wrote mine before I read it in their fic, aaugh)

oh god there's a gif I can't find of a guy pressing his lips together like he's trying not to laugh and then looking at the camera and if you know the one: that one

Entrapta and her lack of ability to understand personal space or normal boundaries is just so great but also the phrase "another woman's tail" is just perfection

Yeah yeah I know Catra's being a manipulative little shithead here but also if I were to meet Entrapta and she didn't mind I would absolutely be twisting her hair CONSTANTLY just like I do my own

the weird noises she's making must've been so much fun to voice-act

So like, the whispering woods are like that one forest the hobbits walk through in the book version of lord of the rings where the trees keep like, closing in on them?

DEEP SIGH

that's the name of a g-idle song

oh right I see what's going to happen here

DO YOU THO

DO YOU

she's trying to comfort Shadow Weaver after immediately insulting her, bc of course she is

DIE, BITCH

"I was hard on you, I won't deny it; and I won't apologize. I just wanted to prepare you for the world. I just wanted you to be strong. :(" BULL FUCKING SHIT

well, for a given definition of "strong"

oh shit

Yeah that's a weird thing to bond over but okay

I dunno why they did the cute little fangie thing here but I'm not complaining

Okay so her face is stupid here (couldn't get a screenshot that included the caption and not the terrible face) BUT she really leaned into the sexy voice for this one and I made a noise and my laptop nearly slid to the floor pfft

[f4gspeare]

oversharing on tumblr: why my life sucks right now

theater class: so i go to this theater extracurricular right. cs im not american and stuff so i dont have it in school u get the jist. so basically we have an exposition?? and we had to pick something out for it. since the theme was "what you'd like to do most" and im a little pretentious gay nerd i picked a scene from hamlet, the sullied flesh soliloquy to be exact. small problem: i started theater april this year. i have 2 months acting class experience to perform one of the hardest roles in history and the worst part is i was the only one who bestowed this problem upon myself. quick question for past me : why? get off your fucking high horse you'd never be able to do this. i think i'd rather have you sing dangerous woman in a stadium full of people. and i have a chronic sore throat. i wish i could just say "oh i cant go im sick" and just stay home watching tv BUT i have a bunch of other roles in the expo i actually enjoy and it feels wrong to just dip bc i play pretty important characters in both and my teachers would NEVER let me not perform even if they are so done with me not taking this shit seriously.

school: i've been considered smart my whole life right. i was always the kid that was confused on why kids her age read so slow. the one that was constantly drawing cs she was already done with homework. because of this i never studied. you can assume whats happening to me now. im failing like 3 subjects (maths is included in those 3, unsurprisingly. but you wanna know what IS surprising? im failing ENGLISH! mind you its my second language and i wrote this whole ass post in english? but i got a 0/20 on a perfect essay because it was slightly off topic and also a 5 and a 6 on a test for the use of must would cant and all that. dear teacher, in my humblest opinion, NOT A SINGLE PERSON CARES WHETHER YOU USE THE CORRECT CAN COULD AND MIGHT.) also sometimes teachers are MEAN. for example, my literature teacher seems to hate me for NO REASON. she DID make us write an essay for our favorite book, which i wrote about Hamlet, so maybe i came across as a pretentious little bitch so maybe its that? but otherwise no clue. but for some reason it feels like she always finds an excuse to yell at me one way or another. anyway im so tired of school can i drop out and write fanfiction forever

my crush: so i went to this one concert right. my dad and i were trying to find the correct line when a girl, whos also with her dad approaches us, also trying to find the line. and holy shit, shes cute. so since we're both looking for it at the same time, we end up near the same place. i muster up all my courage and i very shakingly ask her if she can give me her tiktok. she says yes and i mentally do a backflip. i see her profile and the nickname says wlw. this is it, i won. i send her a message 2 days later and she doesnt respond. i would like to say its whatever but its not. i obsess over her over the next 2 months and never FULLY get over her because she truly was VERY pretty. so, imagine my surprise when in the month of our lord JUNE she randomly messages me "help i literally just saw this hi" im mentally backflipping all over again. we talk and she dissapears mid convo. fuck it, talk 2 hours later, act like I was the one who dissapeared, we talk for a while again and we have sm in common, dips again. Okay. materializes 1 day later saying she wasnt home so she couldnt reply. its okay bbg i would forgive u if u shot me. we continue, talk ab music taste yadda yadda. you will NEVER believe what she does next... she dissapears again, i dont even know when shell reply next GIRL ITS SUNDAY JUST REPLY. so now im begging to the heaven above for her to see my message all over again, just now shes juuust out of reach instead of unattainable. worst part is i dont even know her name. shes just "girl from the concert whos gorgeous and has good style and nice music taste and my exact same interests" i can never have good things

thats about it i think

[zyafics-recs]

reblogging comment review from @zyafics

guess who has to be studying for another exam but instead she needs to catch up on this fic? (this girl) little annotations below ⬇️

Or the next. You couldn’t. Every time you picked up one of the stupid boxes, your heart would drop to the pits of hell and your hands would start sweating. You’d shove it back in the drawer like it could disappear if you just ignored it hard enough.

manifest it girlypop

What if it was positive? Then what? The thought of seeing his name pop up on your phone after you blocked him, or worse, hearing her voice if she picked up...you’d rather die. He didn't deserve to know.

i eat up any scenes where she wants nothing to do with him and he barges into her life and finds out all the things he's been missing out? the angst of not being able to go backward in time no matter how much you regret it

You heard that voice in your head, the one that sounded like your mom, at least what you remembered from watching old videos.

i would burst out in tears

Your younger cousin, Topper the bitching backstabber, had been born and raised in Los Angeles before he moved to Figure 8 when he was five. 

i was like why r we bringing up topper's bitch ass here and then i realized it to put in a frame of reference that she couldn't possibly know topper's birth bc he moved to kildare later. i just thought reader needed to put in a quick jab about topper 😭

You weren’t exactly the picture of health. What if you weren’t strong enough? What if something went wrong, and you ended up in a hospital bed, alone, because Rafe sure as fuck wouldn’t be there. It was just you.

i love the spiral of madness. i'm reading (and analyzing) it and i'm so so amazed by how ur structure descends. it flows so smoothly - from one topic to the next - all at a great pace and with a lot of internal turmoil. it builds up to me feeling everything reader feels.

It hit you just how ironic this was. You were sitting here, freaking out about being possibly pregnant, scrolling through nightmare stories about abortion and pregnancy complications, while Lily was talking about a fundraiser for children’s health. Kids. It felt like some twisted repulsive joke the universe was playing on you.

ugh, i love the parallels between her being (potentially) pregnant and the idea that she has to wrap her life around this foundation for children.

The fucking nerve. To your gala. Your blood boiled instantly, your fingers gripping the phone so tight you almost cracked the screen.

i love her i feel like she inches closer to insanity every day and i, too, feel the same

If Rafe wanted to play games, you’d ruin his life if you had to. He thought he could fuck you over, leave you with all this—leave you with nothing? No. You weren’t going to let him have that power.

like i said

You were shaking now, but it almost felt good. Even if it was just a stupid guest list. Let him find out when he got there and there was no table for him. No seat. No fucking room. 

BABES 😭 YOU'RE CARRYING HIS CHILD oh this is too good, the idea that she wants to erase him from her life and leave no space for him (mind), but her body is accommodating spacefor his child, making her reserve a permanent space for him in her life

Every year. He’d sit with you while you struggled through every word, telling you it was okay to take your time, reminding you that you didn’t have to do it if you didn’t want to. And when the gala came, he was always by your side, standing just off stage, waiting for you after the speech was done. You’d run into his arms, and he’d whisper that you 'did great baby', holding you until the room stopped spinning so much.

i fear i would crash out if i am currently stressed with the idea of being pregnant and remembering my ex bf and remembering my lost parents

If he thought you were weak, if he thought he could break you, if he thought you were the same girl who used to cling to him like he was the only thing keeping you together—he was wrong.You were going to do this without him.

my boss baby!!!

There was a sigh on the other end, the sound of him trying to not to lose his patentience, like he was the one in the right here. Typical Topper. Always wanting to smooth things over, play peacemaker between you and Rafe, like this was just another fight you’d get over.

topper, in the words of reader, a bitching BACKSTABBER

“Maybe what? That he could swoop in and save the day?” You let out a bitter laugh. “He’s not your golden boy, Top. He doesn’t fix anything. He ruins things.”

ugh i love ur dialogues sosososo much

You were having a meltdown, and he’d stepped in, like he always did when you went off the rails. That was the problem with him—he cared, even when you didn’t want him to. He was family, the only family you had left, and he was too loyal for his own good.

so fuck his parents then ig

You sat down, staring at the stick in your hand. This was insane. You were insane. Who the fuck took a pregnancy test ten minutes before they’re supposed to host a charity gala? 

apparently me

There it was.

+

💌 — aaaaaaaaaa, i'm so glad i waited until after my exam to read this and truly experience the gift of ur writing. i love the juxtaposition and parallels in this scene! especially with her deleting rafe from the gala's list, erasing space from him in her life, but having his child grow inside of her. i love love how she has to have a gala for children—and crippling over the current dilemma of whether she has a child herself. and i love that she's very isolated in a sense, because it amplifies how this child can truly make or break her. topper was so enjoyable—especially their conversation. u always write dialogues so smoothly!! honestly, i thought this scene would end with rafe showing up unannounced at the gala, haha but ig we'll see in next chapter

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - TWO

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of possible pregnancy, of abortion, of pregnancy risks & death. self-loathing. chapter one

You lied.

You didn’t take the tests the next day.

Or the next. You couldn’t. Every time you picked up one of the stupid boxes, your heart would drop to the pits of hell and your hands would start sweating. You’d shove it back in the drawer like it could disappear if you just ignored it hard enough.

Once you knew, you knew. 

There was no more pretending as if nothing happened.

No more pretending like you didn't care that Rafe moved on like he didn’t just dump you, with no real closure and ran to the next girl he found. 

Fuck, why did he have to look so happy that night? He got to be carefree, living his perfect little life with her, and you were there, sitting on the bathroom floor, too scared to even pee on a stick.

What if it was positive? Then what? The thought of seeing his name pop up on your phone after you blocked him, or worse, hearing her voice if she picked up...you’d rather die. He didn't deserve to know.

He didn't deserve anything from you anymore.

You started googling abortion clinics before you even touched the tests. You could afford it. That wasn’t even the issue.

You had more money than you knew what to do with. Your inheritance was just sitting there. You could book a flight tomorrow, pay for whatever procedure, whatever it took—fly out of state, out of the country, if you had to. 

But that wasn’t the point. It has never been about the money. It was the overwhelming shame. The fear. The realization that Rafe might have left you, but he was still there, stuck in your head, in your body, in your fucking life. Even when he wasn’t.  

He didn’t have to worry about any of this. He was most likely out on the boat, not even thinking about you. Not thinking about what he did to you. 

And you— you were left with this. Sitting on a bathroom floor for hours a day, trying to figure out how you were supposed to make a decision that changed everything.

You started looking up clinics again, scrolling through the options, but your mind was barely even there. It was legal in North Carolina for now, but you read something about the 12-week ban they passed in June, and suddenly you were spiraling one more time, wondering how much time you even had. 

Could you wait? Could you put it off like you’d been putting off the tests, like if you waited long enough, maybe the problem would just... disappear? Shit, wouldn’t that be easier?

You heard that voice in your head, the one that sounded like your mom, at least what you remembered from watching old videos.

It was depressing how life didn’t let you hold tightly to your memories sometimes. She always reminded you of the kind of person you were supposed to be. The type of girl who had her shit together. The type of girl who didn’t get herself into situations like this, in the first place.

But instead, you were the girl who lost everything—the life you were supposed to have—and somehow, you’d still found a way to screw up what was left.

You kept scrolling like you couldn’t stop.

One page led to another, and soon you weren’t just looking up clinics—you were looking up everything. 

What happened during the procedure, how long it took, the side effects, the complications. You read horror stories about infections, about women who thought it was over and then bled for weeks, about people who changed their minds too late.

You even looked up what could happen if you didn’t get an abortion—what pregnancy could do to your body. And that was a whole other rabbit hole you didn’t need to go down. Your body changing, your hormones going insane. You thought about your boobs getting sore, your stomach stretching, the possibility of throwing up every morning, and it felt like your body was already betraying you. And then you read the serious stuff—gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, all these words you didn’t even know existed before that night. There was a minefield of things that could go wrong, things that would go wrong.

Complications. Risks. Dangers.

You read about women who almost died in labor. About miscarriages and stillbirths and the trauma of carrying a baby for months, only to lose it. You never even thought about that, how pregnancy wasn’t just this smooth, magical process people make it out to be. It was brutal. But you’d been the little sister, you never saw your mother go through it, or anyone for that matter.

Your younger cousin, Topper the bitching backstabber, had been born and raised in Los Angeles before he moved to Figure 8 when he was five. 

You were terrified—not just of being pregnant, but of what it meant to stay pregnant. Would your body even handle it? You’d always lived off coffee and takeout half the time. An unreasonable amout of parties. Too many drinks some nights.

You weren’t exactly the picture of health. What if you weren’t strong enough? What if something went wrong, and you ended up in a hospital bed, alone, because Rafe sure as fuck wouldn’t be there. It was just you.

For a second there, you thought you might pass out.

You’d thrown your phone across the room, it hit the wall with a thud, but it didn’t help. The anxiety was still there, vibrating under your skin, making you want to scream. You glanced at the bathroom drawer again, where the pregnancy tests were hidden like some cursed thing.

Maybe you should’ve just taken one.

Rip off the bandaid.

The stupid phone rang, like was having fun pissing you off, vibrating on the floor where you’d thrown it. You stared at it for a second, debating if you should even pick it up. You didn’t feel like dealing with anyone, especially not whoever was about to ask something from you.

But it kept ringing, and of course, it was a number you recognized—Lily, one of the coordinators from your dad’s foundation. Shit. You forgot about the gala. Again. The one that was happening in two freaking days, the one you haven’t even thought about preparing for.

You swiped to answer, “Yeah?”

“Hey, I didn’t want to bother you, but we need to go over the final details for the gala,” She greeted you, sounding way too perky for how you were feeling. “I really need your input on the seating arrangements, and the auction items, and—”

It hit you just how ironic this was. You were sitting here, freaking out about being possibly pregnant, scrolling through nightmare stories about abortion and pregnancy complications, while Lily was talking about a fundraiser for children’s health. Kids. It felt like some twisted repulsive joke the universe was playing on you.

You blinked back into the conversation, realizing she still talking, and you hadn’t said a word. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I’ve been busy. Can you just handle it?” you muttered, feeling guilty but not enough to actually deal with any of it.

“I’ve already taken care of most things,” she said carefully, “but we really need your approval on the final guest list and the speech. You’re the face of the foundation, after all.”

The face of the foundation. The legacy your dad left you. It was supposed to be this huge responsibility. And it was. You’d always taken it seriously. The one thing in your life you never ruined. But this year, you hadn’t written the speech yet. Jesus, you forgot it was even happening. And the guest list? No clue.

You rubbed your forehead, “I’ll look at it later. Just send it over.”

Lily hesitated again, probably sensing that something was off, you'd always been a control freak. “Okay, I’ll email it to you. Just let me know by tomorrow, alright?”

“Yeah, sure.”

You hung up before she could add anything else, staring at the ceiling. One more thing. One more responsibility piled on top of everything else. You were drowning in all these expectations—being the good daughter to dead parents, the responsible one, the perfect kook girl who was supposed to have everything. You were supposed to be the girl who had the trust fund, the perfect life, the foundation that helped kids in need.

You earned to be her.

Your phone buzzed again, this time with an email notification. You rolled your eyes, already knowing it was from Lily. She’d sent over the guest list, and you groaned, thinking you’d skim it, give it a half-assed glance, and send it back. But as you scrolled down the names, you stopped.

Rafe Cameron.

Of course, he was going to be there. Why wouldn’t he? His family had been involved in your dad’s foundation for years. It was like you couldn’t escape him.

The fucking nerve. To your gala. Your blood boiled instantly, your fingers gripping the phone so tight you almost cracked the screen.

Fuck him. 

If he thought he could just show up and rub his new life in your face, he had another thing coming. Without thinking twice, you deleted his name, erasing him like he didn’t even exist. And then, without checking another name, you sent the list back to Lily.

You didn’t give a shit if it was petty. You didn’t care if it wasn’t professional.

If Rafe wanted to play games, you’d ruin his life if you had to. He thought he could fuck you over, leave you with all this—leave you with nothing? No. You weren’t going to let him have that power.

Not over this. Not over you.

You were shaking now, but it almost felt good. Even if it was just a stupid guest list. Let him find out when he got there and there was no table for him. No seat. No fucking room. 

You still sat there staring at the screen with that stupid blinking cursor. The email from Lily sat open in front of you, and somewhere buried in the list of attachments was the speech. Blank.

Your speech—the one you were supposed to read at the gala in two days. The one you hadn’t even started writing.

This was always the hardest part. Writing it. Saying it. You used to cry every time. Standing in front of all those people, talking about your dad, your family, how the foundation was this beautiful way of keeping their memory alive. It was never just a speech—it was like ripping your heart out of your chest and letting everyone see it, year after year. It never got easier.

But Rafe, used to be there with you.

Every year. He’d sit with you while you struggled through every word, telling you it was okay to take your time, reminding you that you didn’t have to do it if you didn’t want to. And when the gala came, he was always by your side, standing just off stage, waiting for you after the speech was done. You’d run into his arms, and he’d whisper that you 'did great baby', holding you until the room stopped spinning so much.

You could still hear his voice in your head sometimes, 'you’re stronger than you think'.

That’s what he always said, even when you didn’t believe it. He’d hold you, kiss your forehead, and make you feel like it was true, like you really could get through it. He was always so sure of you. But this year? He wasn’t going to be there. He’d stop believing the lies he fed you. You were angry. You were seething. You were utterly alone.

You’d been avoiding this moment—writing.

This time around, it wasn’t just about the speech. It was about the fact that when you walked out of that stage, you wouldn’t have him waiting for you.

You’d step down into nothingness, with no one to catch you.

Your fingers hovered over the screen, but they wouldn’t move. What were you even supposed to say this year? How were you supposed to stand up in front of all those people and talk about love and family and legacy when yours was shattered?

You hated looking at yourself in the mirror, feeling like you’d lost every single piece of who you used to be.

Fuck the speech. Fuck the gala. Fuck Rafe Cameron and his stupid lies, his stupid smile, his stupid promises that he never kept.  

If he thought you were weak, if he thought he could break you, if he thought you were the same girl who used to cling to him like he was the only thing keeping you together—he was wrong.

You were going to do this without him.

You were going to stand up there and give that speech, no matter how much it hurt. And if it killed you, so be it. You’d still do it.

Because unlike him, you didn’t just walk away from the things that mattered. Even if it tore you apart. Even if it was killing you to keep pretending like you were fine. You weren’t fine. But you’d fake it. You’d fake it until the whole world believed it. 

You’d barely hit send on the email when your phone rang again, and this time it wasn’t Lily.

It was Topper. You hadn’t talked to him since that night—the night. The party where you’d found out, where you’d seen Rafe and Sofia together for the first time. Where you realized that everyone knew.

How he’d called Rafe over, like you needed him to fix it, like he was still yours to rely on.

“What?”

“Hey…” Topper’s voice was cautious, “I, uh, I wanted to call and apologize for the other night.”

You snorted, leaning your head back against the wall. “Yeah? For what part? For calling Rafe like his little bitch or for getting in front of my car when I was trying to leave?”

“I didn’t mean to fuck things up. I was just trying to stop you from doing something stupid.”

“Like what?” you snapped. “Leaving the party? Getting out of there before I had to watch him with her for one more second? Yeah, Top, real dumb of me.”

“You almost ran me over,” Topper shot back, his voice rising just a little, like he was offended you hadn’t mentioned that part. “Kinda felt like maybe you weren’t thinking straight.”

“You jumped in front of the car you fucking idiot. What the hell did you expect me to do? Slam on the brakes and listen to whatever bullshit you and Rafe had to say? Because trust me, ’m all out of patience for either of you.”

There was a sigh on the other end, the sound of him trying to not to lose his patentience, like he was the one in the right here. Typical Topper. Always wanting to smooth things over, play peacemaker between you and Rafe, like this was just another fight you’d get over.

He never really got it.

“Look,” Your cousin started, calmer this time, “I didn’t mean to call him. I just thought—”

“You always think calling him will fix things,” you cut in, “Like he’s the answer to every problem I have. He’s not. Not anymore.”

“I get that,” He added quickly, like he was afraid you’d hang up. “But I didn’t know what else to do! You were upset, and I thought maybe—”

“Maybe what? That he could swoop in and save the day?” You let out a bitter laugh. “He’s not your golden boy, Top. He doesn’t fix anything. He ruins things.”

Topper went quiet for a second, probably trying to figure out how to respond without setting you off on an angry rant again. “I get it,” he said finally, “You’re pissed at him. You have every right to be. But I didn’t call him to hurt you, okay? I was worried about you.”

You hated how genuine he sounded, hated that he meant well. He was a nuisance half of the time, sure, but he wasn’t malicious. He never was. He just had terrible judgment. 

“Next time, don’t,” you muttered, rubbing a hand over your face. “I don’t need you playing little brother and calling him when things go wrong."

“I wasn’t trying to clean anything up,” Topper explained, a little defensive now. “I just didn’t want you driving like that. You were upset.”

You rolled your eyes. “Upset doesn’t mean I need you or Rafe deciding what’s best for me. I’m not a kid.”

“You’re not,” he agreed, “But you weren’t exactly in a great headspace, so yeah, I stopped you. I wasn’t gonna let you leave like that and end up in a ditch somewhere.”

It hurt like a bitch, because deep down, you knew Topper had a point.

You were having a meltdown, and he’d stepped in, like he always did when you went off the rails. That was the problem with him—he cared, even when you didn’t want him to. He was family, the only family you had left, and he was too loyal for his own good.

“You could’ve told me,” you confessed what had been upsetting you, your voice losing some of its initial attitude. “About them. Instead of letting me walk into that party blind.”

Topper sighed again, “I should’ve,” he admitted. “I didn’t want you to find out like that. But it wasn’t my place to say anything. And I didn’t want to make things worse.”

Your hand instinctively moved to cup your stomach. You didn’t even realize you were doing it at first, but the second your fingers touched your shirt, the earlier panic welled up inside you again. If he only knew how bad things were. How bad they could get. You yanked your hand away like you’d been burned, heart hammering against your ribs most painfully. There was no way you could even begin to explain what was going on inside your head—or your body.

Not to Topper. Not to anyone. If he knew, he’d freak and you didn’t need that right now.

You clenched your jaw, pushing yourself to focus on the conversation, on Topper still yammering on about apologies and guilt You shook your head, a bitter smile tugging at your lips. 

“Are you even listening?”

“Unfortunately,” You sounded apathetic even to yourself, fingers tapping against the phone, agitated. “Look, Top, I don’t have time for this right now. I’m busy.”

He sighed. “I know you’re pissed, okay? I get it. But the gala’s in, like, two days. You... you still going, right?”

“Of course I’m going,” you scowled, barely able to hide the bitterness in your voice. “I have to. It’s not like I can just dip out and pretend it’s not happening.”

Unlike some people, you thought, but you bit your tongue.

“Good, because I’ll be there too. And I—”

“Oh, joy,” you interrupted, “Another chance for you to babysit me and make sure I don’t make a scene? Can’t wait.”

“Jesus, I’m just trying to help!” Topper groaned. “I didn’t want to make things worse the other night. I—”

“Yeah. Whatever, I’ll see you at the gala.”

You hung up. You didn’t have the patience to deal with him right now. 

The day of the gala came faster than you thought it would.

It was like you blinked, and suddenly, you were standing in the middle of the venue, walking through final checks with Lily, nodding along as she rattled off details you barely absorbed.

The room was all glitz and glamour, with chandeliers dripping from the ceiling, and everything draped in the foundation’s signature gold and white. 

Crisp tablecloths. Flowers in perfect, elegant arrangements. Waiters in black-tie uniforms were circulating, making sure everything looked flawless. Flawless.

That word made you want to gag.

You moved through the space like a ghost, smiling at the right moments, giving half-hearted approvals when needed.  You didn’t care. People were running around, asking for your opinion on this or that. You’d stayed at the venue longer than planned, making sure everything was in order, but your mind was stuck in that floating-place. You wanted to burn the whole thing down, if you were being honest.

You should’ve called your doctor. Days ago. Hell, maybe weeks ago.

Making smart choices wasn’t your thing lately, was it?

When you finally slipped into the room where they’d set up your glam team, you just wanted to sleep. The room itself was a suite off to the side of the venue, a private space meant to make you feel like royalty.

A massive mirror ran across one wall, surrounded by soft, glowing lights. A table was set up with everything—hair tools, makeup brushes, palettes, serums. Bottles of champagne sat chilled in the corner, the condensation dripping down the glass, untouched. It was the kind of place you were supposed to feel special in.

Normally you did. But this year you were numb.

The stylist worked quietly on your hair, soft curls falling into place as she tugged and pinned each section with meticulous care. The makeup artist was dabbing foundation onto your skin, blending and contouring until you didn’t even recognize yourself in the mirror. The dress hung behind you, a shimmering white gown, custom-designed by Versace for the occasion.

You looked like you were stepping into one of those perfect, glamorous lives. But on the inside, you felt like you were going to lose it at any second. You nodded along, giving tight-lipped smiles when they complimented you, and then they finally left.

The room was dead silent now, just you and your reflection. You stood in front of the mirror, staring at yourself, the perfect curls, the glowy skin, the gown waiting behind you. It all felt wrong. It felt fake. You didn’t bear a resemblance to yourself.

You looked like the version of you that the world expected—the untouchable girl. A doll.

Your rifled through your bag for your phone, but instead, your fingers brushed something else. Cold, hard. 

You hadn’t even realized it was in there.

One of the pregnancy tests. You must’ve thrown it in without thinking earlier that morning when you were rushing out the door. You hadn’t even noticed it until now.

What the fuck were you doing?

You had a gala to host in less than an hour. People were going to be looking at you, waiting for you to give the speech, expecting you to hold everything together like always. And there you were, standing in a private dressing room, about to do something so monumentally stupid. Maybe it was the pressure of tonight, or maybe it was the anger you’d been shoving down for weeks, but suddenly, you didn’t care.

You were going to do it.

Without even thinking, you stormed into the bathroom. You were so fucking tired of avoiding this. Tired of pretending like everything was fine, like you were fine.

What the hell was fine about any of this? You tore open the box, hands trembling as you pulled out the test. The room was so quiet, you could hear every little sound—your breath still uneven, the rustle of your dress against the tiles, the click of the test cap as you flicked it off.

You sat down, staring at the stick in your hand. This was insane. You were insane. Who the fuck took a pregnancy test ten minutes before they’re supposed to host a charity gala? 

You couldn’t get a proper breath out as you waited, heart pounding so hard it felt like it might rip your chest open. You leaned against the sink, gripping the edge. Your stomach churned, the nausea rising again, and you had to close your eyes to stop the floor from spinning.

What if it was positive? What if it wasn’t?

You stared at the test, willing the result to appear, but it didn’t. Not yet. The little window stayed blank, as if taunting you, making you feel like you were losing your mind. You knew you had to wait longer. You weren’t stupid. You’d read those instructions a million times by now, but you hated waiting.

Hated not knowing.

You couldn’t take your eyes off the stupid little piece of plastic. Just one line or two. That was all it came down to. One fucking line or two, and your entire life would either fall apart or what? Be fine?

You glanced at the mirror, catching another glimpse of yourself, and it almost startled you—your eyes were wild. Desperate. They were the eyes of someone who was just about ready to do anything to get this over with. 

You tried to picture telling him again, but the idea alone made you sick. You thought of Sofia, of her perfect smile next to his, and bile rose in your throat. Your hands never stopped shaking. You wanted to run. You wanted to throw that thing in the garbage can and never stare at it again.

Your thoughts spun in circles, going nowhere, just making everything worse. The clock on your phone ticked louder and louder, and you knew—somewhere out there, everyone was getting ready. Guests were arriving. The gala would start soon, and they’d all be waiting for you. Watching you. Expecting you to be the poised, perfect version of yourself you’d spent your whole life pretending to be.

And you were in here, trying not to lose your fucking mind.

You peeked back at it. Still nothing.

No line. No answer.

It felt like you were suspended in time. You closed your eyes, gripping the sink harder, praying for it to end—something to happen, anything.

Then finally, you felt it in your chest—a heavy, sinking feeling, like the moment before a fall.

You opened your eyes. 

There it was.

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige @rafebb @rafesbbyy @whytheylosttheirminds

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[j2zara]

DEVIL WEARS PRADA AU OMG OMG OMG. god. when j2 basically becomes jace's work-wife. taking care of his six terrifying kids. comforting him through his messy acrimonious divorce from porter. dressing up and doing his makeup to make jace happy. when jace keeps testing j2, throwing so much at him that should be impossible just to see if j2 will snap and leave him, and not only does j2 not leave, he actually succeeds. which jace finds so so so incredibly hot.

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT listen this is so self indulgent but i got caught up in the fantasy of Jace being a fashion editor and being a little bossy (a lot bossy) to j2 im so so so so normal and the dual fantasy of j2 getting to wear all the awesome clothes and get Jace's approval. He deserves pretty clothes. He deserves that scene except its Jace calling J2 in like ("J2..." and j2 has to do a double take b/c he's so used to being referred to as fuckin. J3 or Ivy or Lucy or whoever i fuckin settle on being Emily. Probably j3). And he has everything handled and Jace is like oh and J2? Yes? And he just glances over J2's outfit with this strange look of approval b/c there is NOTHING to criticize (he's not the kid in the frumpy blue cerulean sweaters!!!!) and Jace just dismisses him like that's all...

The rat grinders are being little. terrors to him. But he's gonna get them their copy of an unreleased bestseller that was definitely widely anticipated at the time yet in my opinion should be considered a series failure embarrassment on the same level of game of thrones season 8 (I swore i would not bring it up by name but god. one thing you guys have not discovered about me is that i cannot shut up about how truly awful i think deathly hallows is as a book and a series finale. I could probably rant about it for weeks on end. I swore i would not bring up the books by name but dunking on how fucking embarrassing and awful deathly hallows is is sadly one of my favorite passtimes. WHAT IF WE SPENT SEVERAL CHAPTERS NORMAL CAMPING IN THE NORMAL WOODS BEING AT EACH OTHERS THROATS ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO TAKE CARE OF BASIC NECESSITIES IN A WIZARD BOOK WERE RULES ARE MADE UP. WHAT IF EVERY CHARACTER WAS A MEANSPIRITED EVIL CARICATURE OF THEIR OLD SELF IN ORDER TO FIT IN A CRINGE CHRISTIAN ALLEGORY THAT THE STORY HAS TO CONTORT ITSELF AROUND TO MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL)

I got off topic.

Anyway. I love Devil wears prada bc its a flawed yet like evergreen in how compelling it is and how much you route for andy to do well at the job despite knowing its bad for her. Anyway. That's J2 to me. Going from hating jace to DEFENDING Jace. Seeing jace's vulnerability during jaceporter divorcegate. (is there anything else you need from me, jace? your job. I need you to do your job) (in my heart, things go farther than that. Im practicing restraint here) It feels GOOD to get his approval after all. Jace thought. Well. I saw your impressive resume. Take a chance. Hire the smart, plain, frumpy kid. Anyway... you ended up disappointing me more than any of those other silly girls. J2 becoming IMPORTANT, superseding even J3.

J2 dropping EVERYTHING at the end to protect Jace. This job is everything! Losing it would destroy him! Jace knows everything. But he was very impressed with how intently J2 tried to warn him. He sees a lot of himself in J2 after all...

I'm being extremely normal about this. I literally rewatched the devil wears prada a few days ago when i was on my road trip and was like. I probably shouldn't say this in front of my family but like. The ending scene where Miranda smiles thinking about Andrea literally had me going like. Ok am i crazy but is this movie... kinda dykey....

[imperial-nuisance-rudje]

finally dragged my ass through 6.55

wuk lamat is a delight and she and erenville have a super fun dynamic, i love her a lot and if the game forces me to choose between not hanging out with her and being stuck with more g'raha i'm going to be fucking pissed

this gives me Any hope that dt will be better than 6.x up to this point has been, though i seriously hope the non-Krile scions have a much smaller role than they've been presented as having. i just don't care about most of the scions and besides the twins the only ones i do actively care about have been heavily sidelined or are minor characters, i want the focus to be on anyone else.

also let the twins get tall 2024

in conclusion,

god i love erenville

okay that wasn't actually the conclusion it's just the end of direct 6.55 story stuff bc i need to touch on something about responses to my crit across several platforms, most of this isn't about 6.55 at all so if you only cared about that you can scroll past

for a very slowly updating serial work, do not fucking tell people commenting on the current state of things to wait until it's finished. DT is going to take two fucking years minimum and it will be several months before even that releases, and even 8.0 might not begin to work with what was set up in 6.x, I am allowed to say that the current state of the work fucking sucks for something. It would be one thing if i was treating a clearly ongoing character arc as finished, but I always phrased my crit of 6.x as "this is clearly still ongoing, but I can see the likely trajectory for this character and I hate it".

And I do! Zero's endpoint was actively worse than I expected because not only is her arc boring to service a writing choice that sucks and exists purely as reference rn, it gave her a massive design downgrade when not being a funky monster lady for at least one full patch where she was a Character was already a downgrade in itself! Not to mention that the previous void quest characters were totally left out when it would be a perfect time to draw them into the msq, or how that entire storyline was yet another world-ending threat when it really didn't need to be more than Some Asshole causing local problems, not after the Endsinger! And all of this includes how the Zenos scenes/mentions added absolutely nothing to his character and very little for Zero (especially in english, where Fandaniel's necessary role in Zero's enslavement was glossed over even harder than elsewhere), it wasn't fanservice (most fans i know hated it bc they recognized it as what it was), it wasn't going to convince people who hated him to change their stance (they're never going to!!!), it existed entirely to waste time establishing things we already knew about him if we used our eyes and actually read his fucking lines. Even if they end up having him wash up naked on a Tural beach like fucking Gulliver Animal Crossing, that doesn't change that those scenes added jack and fucking shit except to make your WoL the dumbest motherfucker on Hydaelyn and completely erase anyone who had chosen the "I accept you" option in StB, like six-seven years ago when those scenes dropped. 6.x isn't as fucking dire as the Tsuyu arc, mostly because they were smart enough to not involve badly handling the topic of sexual assault and human trafficking this time, but that bar is literally underground. It still sucks, and I can only see enjoying it as a story if you're totally blinded by FF4 nostalgia. (And this isn't a case of me not knowing the references--I do know, and that's why I'm so annoyed! There were better ways to do any of this!)