#THOSE FUCKING COSPLAY ELF EARS..

[reha-bill-itated]

why ur ears like dat

Pointy. Triangular. I'm a triangle. This seems obvious. Why are you humans so stupid?

[seat-safety-switch]

You've probably heard of the old story about the shoemaker's elves. Some dude who makes shoes falls asleep at night, tiny mythical creatures arise and finish his work for him. Everything works out, and they show the elves some gratitude which is repaid by lifelong success.

Friends: kidnapping an elf does not work at all like you'd think.

When you have a large American luxury automobile, like a Cadillac, Lincoln, or whatever it is that Chrysler makes, people will often remark on the size of the trunk. Even non-car people will tell you that it looks like a four or five body trunk. This is both because of this style of car's popularity in gangster movies, and because "trunk big" is one of those things that even the dimmest bulb can come up with in an attempt to break the ice with someone who, based on their daily driver, may actually be a semi-retired mafia enforcer.

Thing is, after weeks and months and years of hearing this from everyone who comments on your car, this intrusive thought can burrow, weevil-like, into the innermost folds of your brain. You start to plot crimes. Speeding is easy, of course, the real gateway drug, and it's achievable even if your five-litre V8 only has about a hundred and forty horsepower in a car with the aerodynamics of a sailboat. It doesn't take long from there to go "I should stop by the haunted castle and see if they have any of those elves." In my defence, I had lots of shoes that needed repair.

Of course, you all know what happened next if you read the biased newspapers, or saw the whole courtroom drama that ensued. I forgot that it was Star Trek cosplay night and shoved a couple Spocks into the trunk, then sped off. As I soon found out, despite the pointy ears, Spock has no fucking idea how to make shoes, having become dependent on replicator technology to build and maintain footwear. That said, one of the actors was willing to break character and show me how to apply a new insole, which I was grateful for until he hit me over the head with one of my own Doc Martens and fled into the yard.

[kiwinatorwaffles]

hermit species headcanons: volume… 2!

i made this post two years ago when i was fresh to the series and was just getting to know the hermits. a lot has changed since then, but a lot has also stayed the same! my headcanons are getting refined every single time i talk about them, so chances are, this list won't even be accurate to my thoughts a year later.

with that being said, let's get started! click the cut to read them all

bdubs: glare! small, hates the dark, is a feral creature, will never let go of the moss. he and pungance were born from the same tree in the same patch of moss so they are brothers LMAO

beef: vampire! but not a full one. he was bitten by a bat and gained two vampiric traits exactly: fangs and sensitive skin. beef thinks his tendency to get sunburnt easily is just something in his code or a genetic condition. he never got it checked.

cub: alien shapeshifter! his original form is this shapeless void blob, and he can only copy how other beings look like. his forms were taken from two astronauts he saw in space, an old man and a young man. his void form can be seen slightly on his inner arm, where there is just a sliver of night sky hanging out

cleo: zombie (duh) cleo was permakilled by a witch's curse but when faced with the pearly gates they were like. nah. i'd rather be down there. and just straight up left and came back as a zombie. that's how she met joe. because he was sitting on top of her tombstone eating a sandwich

doc: originally a fae, but now he's super fucked up? what can i even say. he was a fae who got super interested in the sciences and started experimenting on himself just for the hell of it. there was that whole dinnerbone cyborg arm thing but he also managed to make himself a centaur form that he uses for extra storage and height. nobody knows where the creeper came from. was it from his dad's side? did he give it to himself? not even stress, his cousin, can tell you how he came to be. what the hermits DO know however is that he can steal pronouns by asking for them

etho: redstone deity! etho was an ancient builder who was executed for witchcraft upon his discovery of redstone. he was resurrected by the universe as a second chance and to spread his knowledge to the world. you can read more from my fic here ehehehehe

false: human! yes she is 100% human. i just thought it would be funny if such an awesome and skilled fighter was just some normal ass human with a bit of social anxiety

gem: forest spirit! she has nature powers and can change parts of her body to reflect parts of nature. she's a deer? an elf? nope! only sometimes. she can mix and match whatever traits she wants on any given day. but be careful of those deer legs and horns. they Hurt

grian: red macaw avian! he has bird feathers covering his ears, parrot wings, and bird talons! he is also able to mimic voices perfectly (which he uses to play pranks and swear in other hermits’ voices) and is a Hollow Boned Menace. he carries a lot of bird tendencies, like being a piece of shit or preening his friends’ hair when it’s too messy (which is always). in start of seasons, he has x lock away usage of his wings to keep himself from an unfair advantage. he also has stolen powers from the watchers, which he can use to change his wing colors or view the entire map from afar.

npg: ????????????? he’s supposed to be a robot, but he has wings and flies sideways?????? he’s somehow even more fucked up than robot grian. not even grian is sure of what he created tbh. he just knows he did NOT give npg those conure wings to begin with.

ariana griande: galah avian! she is grian's cousin who is a pop star. she has never actually been on hermitcraft before -- that was grian cosplaying as her.

hypno: human warlock! he accidentally made a pact when he replaced his tooth with a piece of cursed gold. jokes on his patron though, his faulty human memory can't even remember how he got his powers! he has lots of inscriptions as tattoos written in galactic just all over his body that he completely forgot how to read at this point and is immortal. maybe that's a bit bad for his sense of self-preservation

impulse: demon/imp! he used to be a gargoyle that dispensed candy, but a wizard passing by granted him life and well. now he's here! demons are actually underworld spirits that punish permadead players who have been genuinely horrible to the players around them, but impulse wanted to build houses and play with redstone instead of stirring the torture soup. so when he met skizz he decided hanging out with the players was the best thing to do. he also used to have larger horns and wings but his time on the surface has made his wings very tiny and unusable without the help of an elytra. skizz always teases him for this.

iskall: cyborg! the hermits don't know if he was fully human before the cyborgification. me, personally? i think it would be funny if she was actually built to protect a village but had too much of a personality so the villages just let him go have fun with the players. not sure if i want to adhere to that though

jevin: slime! certain slimes have evolved to be more like players. jevin is from the blue variety (that's his gender)

joe hills: ???????? void-born universe being??? joe is actually the oldest living being in the universe. he was just popped out of void (even predating the void gods) and spent all this time just doing whatever fuckall was around to do. he looks like a normal human being but just Slightly to the left, like his a bit-too-many teeth or slight lean when he stands. other than that, he acts like any other human!

joel: human mage! he actually only has powers of illusion that changes only how he looks. he Really wanted to be an orc but the spell couldnt last forever (as his fae wife lizzie found out after marriage). every day he wishes he had as much swag as shrek did. more on the headcanon here

keralis: weird fucking eldritch cryptid being? except he looks exactly like a human. nothing weird about him, nope. just don't look too closely at his eyes. he promises that he blinks like a normal person and not with his pupils.

mumbo: robot! with a core heart and stretchy limbs, he runs mainly on the consumption of redstone and occasionally typical foodstuffs. he had a creator before the days of hermitcraft (who originally built him as a war machine but something went deeply sideways during construction) that taught him all there is to know about redstone and the outside world. he also inherited the british accent and mustache from his creator. his creator did want him to be free and wiped mumbo's memory of his creation before setting him off into the overworld and letting him roam free. now he's just a silly guy!

grumbot: robot! he was first built to give suggestions on what to do with the mayoral elections but then he developed actual attachments to his horribly neglectant dads </3 but it's alright! he now chills with renbob and goatman up in the hermitheus

pearl: moon spirit! she was the moon from a player's hardcore world. the player used to talk to the moon for fun, but suddenly disappeared from the world one day. now feeling lonely, pearl took a humanoid form and descended to find where her player went, but she ended up discovering the joys of being a player herself. contrary to popular belief, she had no influence on the season 8 moon.

ren: weredog! can shapeshift into a dog form, which he usually uses to either run fast or play fetch. he’s also more prone to change when the moon is larger…. except he just becomes a hyperactive dog who chases his tail all night and is deeply embarrassed by it. he also probably has rabies, but everyone whom he has bitten probably already had something deeply wrong with them to begin with anyway

renbob: human...? he's related to ren from the human side, or at least that what he tells people. but he might as well be 50% weed by now

scar: human(?) wizard! he can fly, subtly change his physical appearance, cast spells, and do all sorts of magical shenanigans! he also can read galactic fluently, which is how he learned that hypno enchanted himself with loyalty at some point. jellie is his beloved familiar. also he's a capitalist. nobody knows where that came from

skizz: angel! why are there angels in minecraft, you might ask? some people are satisfied with their lives and let themselves permadie. skizz, after being born randomly from an angel statue (i wonder if it’s related to the other statue guy) was supposed to be one of the angels who helped escort players to the pearly gates, but he met impulse while his demon clan was taking a field trip to heaven. the two immediately became besties and skizz begged the universe to let him join the players. the universe begrudgingly agreed and now he's here! he hides his many other halos as ring tattoos on his arms as well

stress: fae! she's got fairy powers, magical swag, an affinity for flowers, and will beat you up if you assume she's the resident server cleric.

tango: ex-blazeborn! he saw some yummy packed ice and ate it, which extinguished his internal flame. his blazeborn tribe felt bad for him but knew it would be dangerous if he stayed, so tango just left for the overworld instead. he tries to convince people that he is 100% a human and not suspicious at all because he's embarrassed of having to explain that he lost most of his powers due to eating some yummy ice cream. a more detailed post about my headcanon can be found here

tfc: human! the only non-human aspect of him is a prosthetic leg. contrary to popular belief, he did not lose that leg while mining. it was after fighting a horde of skeletons. (he won)

wels: human. he's just a human. nobody believes him when he tells them because they've seen him accidentally level a building while sparring before. but nope. he's just a human. and a very fucked up one at that

hels: ???? techncially has the traits of wels, beef, and etho????? is there a species for evil clones created by copying machines or

xb: guardian! he was a guardian made to guard the magical treasures of ancient builders, but he got bored of staying in the same spot for centuries and his creators never returning. hypno casted a spell of bipedelity on xb, so now he can walk on land! i wrote a fic about it here too

xisuma: voidwalker! created by the young void gods, he was made from a fucking mspaint file where the void gods dicked around with the program and made a deeply fucked up being (him) on accident. he has no mouth, his hands are as black as the void, and his voice is terrifying without a modulator, which is why he wears a helmet. more about it in my fic here

evil x: also a voidwalker, but this time the void gods pressed random on a picrew and sent him out into an alternate dimension. he grew up in super england until x fished him out of the void. this little rascal has red scleras, ram horns, and a devil tail. he doesn't need to sleep, so he gets all his energy from eating, which is convenient because his sharp teeth can crunch anything and he can digest everything. his hair acts like an enderchest with a portal to the void, where he keeps snacks and various trinkets.

zedaph: human, but he’s not sane. i mean look at this guy. look at what he’s doing. nobody knows how he became so deeply fucked up but he's truly just Like That. he gave himself sheep features once on accident though

worm man: surprisingly, human. he's lucky to have stayed human for this long with his brother's insane experiments. accurate to popular belief, he has no superpowers.

[maykitz]

They should make elf ear microphone versions of those asmr things for elf rp asmr licking and fucking

that'd probably be pretty easy all you need to do is make new attachments for the microphone, maybe 3d printed. sadly all the elf themed asmr that exists only has cosplay ears on the asmrtist and they don't interact with them at all. i actually like videos where they do something with those jiggly silicone ears too but there aren't even a lot with human ones, zero with elf ears

[xenodile]

I personally use a scale that has "you're a xenophile." on one end so like, elves, furries & other basically humans with extra/different parts on one end and actual eldritch creatures on the other, the closer one is to the second the more emphasis placed on the Monster in Monsterfucker, thoughts?

I judge it based on "how easily could a person cosplay it" as the metric. Like an elf, cat girl, vampire, all the aesthetics are as simple as putting on some ear accessories and maybe an outfit. Yeah there can be monstrous aspects of these beings in fiction, but those don't include the aesthetics, so in practice it doesn't look or feel monstrous.

Now a centaur, a snake person, or an eight foot tall ogre? That's a lot harder to make into a convincing costume, and by their appearance is very obviously not human, so pointing at that and saying you want to fuck it makes it clear where your preferences lie.

[icestrawberryfreeze]

Day 3

The night before, Luna kept to her promise. She took some time after her day job to show you how the watch program worked.

"It's definitely going to be better with two people now," she said with small smile. She quickly showed you why she was happy about that. She opened up two pdfs with pictures of men to be on the lookout for. You could not help but blink at the second picture rapidly.

Those were some familiar looking elf ears on that man. Luna noticed your look and asked what was wrong.

What's the best way to say you suspect the doctor you had a checkup with might be the yard creeper? "I definitely seen this man before." You aggressively pushed your finger into the screen on the man's face.

With just a push of her finger, Luna pulled up a folder on her computer filled with people saying that they seen the man in the neighborhood nightly.

"Nightly?" You scoffed.

Nightly. For the past four months.

You pursed your lips while sliding from your chair. "Yeah, see. Luna. I'm...I gots to go back to anywhere not here."

You were promptly pulled back to the computer where she let you try out a couple of reports. Those couple of reports became a dozen. Then it turned into not having anymore for the night. Luna was impressed at the speed you worked.

She received a text message after you sent in the last one to the police station. She showed the screen to you and in a short, clean sentence it said: "Great job. Not one mistake in sight tonight."

You were - again - promptly hit over the head with Luna's slipper after making a jab at her inability to have a flawless night and was sent to your bed with a pat on your back.

What were you to her? A child?

Now it was the morning after and you just left an interview for a photography job. It's for a nice cosplay agency that just opened up and they needed those in the know of the business. Stepping down the steps of the building, you turned over your acceptance letter to view the company logo.

At least you have a day job now. And in such a short amount of time. Placing the letter in your tote bag, you pulled out your phone to see when the next bus would be coming. The call for the interview was random. It happened right after Luna backed out of the driveway early this morning.

And you didn't have your new license yet - only a temporary paper one - to rent a car.

You started your stroll to the bus stop, eyes glancing up from your phone every so often to watch the sidewalk. Getting to the stoplight right before your designated area, the feeling of being watched fell on top of you. Quite heavily.

Like a puppet being pulled on a string, your head swung to the left to see Dr. Grayton facing his whole body at you slightly hunched over. His hands were swinging in front of him, his fingers twitching at even paces.

You didn't dare look away to see maybe, just fucking maybe, he was staring at somebody behind you. Instead, you waved your free hand at him. It was like a switch just flipped. In a single blink, he was standing up tall, hands behind his back, and his smile was less - er, demonic. He gave you a small head nod but never made a move towards you. He just stared.

Even when you finally had the right of way to cross the street, his eyes just followed your every movement.

Okay. So, you might need to tell Luna about that creepy doctor visit you had.

Your phone buzzed in your head, the contact listed as 'Hospital' appeared on the screen. "Hello?" You sat down on the bench, careful to keep an eye on the statue still man who's smile seemed to be growing bigger.

Your insurance came back approved. "Way faster than we usually get the A-OK from them," mumbled the nurse on the line. "Either way, we would like for you to come in two days from now to meet with your primary doctor."

With slight reluctance, you agreed to the visit. You taken your eyes off the smiling man at this second and you immediately looked back over to fine him gone. A quick neck crack to look around showed him nowhere near.

You had a gut feeling that Dr. Grayton made you his newest patient.

Ending the call, the bus pulled up just at the right moment. Dropping down into a back seat, you glanced out the nearest window.

"Oh, for fucks sake!" you hissed. The bus pulled off before you could get a good look, but you were pretty sure that damn doctor pulled up next to the bus in a van.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Dalton Big Bang day 1 - The Canadian Girlfriend Experience

Writing Masterpost, AO3 Link

Notes: So... y’all. Dalton fam. Hear me out.

I understand that y'all are gonna be mad at me for staying up until (four? five?) five in the morning to post this, but I'm something like 90% sure I'd forget to post it in the morning (afternoon), and I have to write tomorrow's fic anyway, so... here's an extra early fluffy mess. Hope y'all like it.

I had to write this one... I really really had to. Han's girlfriend is a big deal to me. I hope you understand it.

(And for the uninitiated in pathfinder - the rank system is wild, feats are taken every two levels or so, Logan’s character is basically invincible, defeated only by Dwight’s monk and the absolute insanity that creating a monk in pathfinder can end up being.)

—————

"I really have to go to sleep," the familiar (by now) high-pitched voice said through the headphones, stifling a yawn. "My drama class is moving props to the auditorium tomorrow for our exam and my mom would be mad at me if I don’t go to sleep in the next thirty minutes."

"So go to sleep, Lils. I won’t be mad at you."

"Okay! I’ll text you in the morning! Love you, bye!"

"Good night."

Han finally let himself snort a bit after his girlfriend hung up, watching as she disconnects from the game a few moments later. He did say he’ll only play Starcraft today so long as Leah is available, and now that she’s offline…

He just closed the game and went back to working on his Pathfinder session prep.

Han met Leah at the San Diego Comic-Con last summer. On day one, she approached him because she thought the Westwoods’ Bat family cosplay was really cool. On day two, he approached her because her Arwen cosplay was flawless. By day three they’d already ditched the con to have a not-date lunch at In-N-Out, found out they’re in the same guild in World of Warcraft, Han found out Leah has a voice acting channel on youtube, they exchanged phone numbers, and by day four they may have not spent the whole day together but they certainly went on a date-date at the end of the day.

They’ve been rather inseparable for the following three weeks, but by then Han had to face the reality of it all. Leah’s phone number was weird to him from the start, sure, and he was willing to pass off her accent as a speech quirk, but it wasn’t until those three weeks ended that it finally sunk in that she’s not American. And like most good things, her visit too has to come to an end.

Maintaining a relationship online just… didn’t feel the same.

1 Unread Message

‘Merril: Can I suggest an idea for Mishka’s character arc?? You can say no, I just had an idea is all!’

Caterpillar: I’m all ears

———

"While this mess of a… bargain is happening," Logan called as Merril and Reed tried to catch their breaths from laughing. "Can Dwight and I get to the diplomatic debate?"

"Sure," Han sighed, watching his party quickly derail the session. "But let’s take a break first."

The first to disappear at the sound of "let’s take a break" was Lucy, who ran to the bathroom, accidentally knocking off Logan’s dice tower in the process. Merril got the brownies out and on the table, everyone pulled their phones out…

Han could take a couple moments to look at the pictures Leah sent him earlier. According to her, they were not yet done with lighting cues, and she was going crazy, but seeing her in her period piece of a costume and leg brace prop made him feel excited for her, somewhat.

Caterpillar: wish I could been there to see it 

Jabba the Hutt: Oh no! Don’t say that! Jabba the Hutt: I’ll send you the filmed version when I get it, but it’ll probably be really bad anyway.

Caterpillar: im sure it cant be that bad 

Jabba the Hutt: Han, it’s a high school production of the Glass Menagerie. Jabba the Hutt: My class is also doing the play version of Spring Awakening. Jabba the Hutt: It *can* and *will* be that bad. Jabba the Hutt: Trust me. 

"Han?" Merril called before he could answer that one. "Hansel, are you listening?"

"No, I wasn’t. What was it?" He grabbed a brownie, leaving his phone aside for a second.

"Wizards of the Coast announced a new edition of D&D," she said again, smiling gently. "Do you think you’d want to try it?"

"I’m already one step ahead of you there. I’m going to playtest it when it— excuse me…"

Jabba the Hutt: WE FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED THIS Jabba the Hutt: I’ve never been happier to say I’m getting offstage, I need someone to punch me!

Caterpillar: dont you mean pinch?

Jabba the Hutt: I meant what I said and I said what I meant.

Han tuned back in time to hear Logan say "I just really don’t want to have to mess with the power system again", which resulted in Dwight throwing a bag of chips at his head.

"Fourth edition has a very special place in my heart, Wright. Don’t talk shit about it around me."

"Yeah, why all the hate for the power system?" Lucy frowned (when did she get back from the bathroom?). "It’s not all that different to how feats work. Would you complain about getting a new feat every odd level once we switch systems?"

"Not going to happen, Lucy."

"Aw man, but I wanted to play Vampire the Masquerade next!"

"And we already said Merril is going to run it," Han reminded her, checking his phone one last time. "But we’re not switching our current game to another system. Not gonna happen."

There was a quiet "hell yeah" from Merril as Han’s phone buzzed with a new message, but before he could even read it, it was snatched by Lucy.

"Wha… who are you talking to, Han?" She laughed a bit, scrolling up, and then her eyes went wide open. "Well… damn."

"Don’t act like you’re surprised, that’s my girlfriend. You met her before."

The silence in the room was so tense, Han swore he could hear a pin drop. 

"...a girlfriend?" Dwight was the first to ask, raising a brow. "Since when?"

"You know, I honestly thought she would’ve forgotten all about you after two weeks…"

"Since a few months ago," Han told Dwight, taking his phone back. "Can we continue, please?"

"No! It’s interesting!" Merril joined in, resting her chin on her hand as she got closer, pushing some papers a bit. "How did you meet? Where is she from? Can we meet her?"

"We met at Comic-Con and no, you can’t meet her. She’s… not from here."

"...is she Canadian?" Logan raised a brow too, starting to laugh.

"Noooooooo…?"

"Oh yeah, Han’s Canadian girlfriend."

"She’s not— let’s start to fucking play, this session isn’t going to end itself."

By the end of the session, Han couldn’t say he’d be surprised if the whole school found out by tomorrow. And if anyone (namely the twins) made fun of him for his "Canadian girlfriend"... so be it. 

———

"Is this Canadian girlfriend of yours coming to prom?" Julian’s tired voice came through the phone, sounding like he was about to pass out. He just arrived at school earlier today, already tired from the flight, and immediately got coddled by Logan.

"She’s not Canadian, Julian. You’re the twenty-fifth person I’ve told this already."

"So where is she from? Would you please tell just one person?"

With a quick glance at the security footage, to make sure Logan wasn’t listening, Han whispered "her name is Leah, I met her at Comic-Con in San Diego last year, she’s from Israel and no, I doubt she can come to prom. She has her own prom to attend."

"...okay, so this Israeli girlfriend of yours. Got it."

"Thank you."

"Are you sure you want to keep her a secret…?" He clicked his tongue. His laugh sounded a bit rougher than usual. "You know how things can end up. You of all people."

"I… I’m just not sure I’m ready for… dude. Is Logan drooling on your shoulder…?"

"Give him a break, Westwood. He’s adjusting to his new pills."

"I asked about the drooling."

"He does that sometimes. I just let him be."

"...why is everyone so interested in my girlfriend? Is it really any different from David and Katherine?"

"I don’t know how to break it down to you, Westwood, but you’re not exactly the type anyone would expect to even have a girlfriend."

A shift in the camera footage made Han cuss silently, covering his microphone.

"...she said she’ll be here for graduation. Hers is in late June, but she finishes school in May."

"Yeah. May. When prom is."

"Do you want to talk to her yourself?" He could hear Julian snort. "I’m not kidding. I’ll give you Leah’s phone number and you’ll convince her yourself. I can’t."

"Because that totally won’t be crazy."

"Julian."

"Hansel."

"Just fucking ask her, you absolute nerd!"

"Can you stop ordering me around? This isn’t Hollywood. This is my girlfriend we’re talking about."

"Can you at least send me a picture of her? So I’ll know she’s real?"

"...fuck you, Larson."

Han sent him a picture anyway. A picture of the two of them that Lucy insisted to take while they were in San Diego. They coordinated somehow, Han with his LOTR shirt and Leah with her whole Arwen cosplay. It was the happiest day he could possibly remember.

And then, a snort through the phone.

"...so you’re Leah Appelbaum’s mysterious Maryland boyfriend? Huh. Didn’t know you lived in Maryland."

"...you know Leah?"

"We had auditions in the same building two years ago and she approached me because she’s a fan of Something Damaged. She insisted on keeping in touch. How did you meet her?"

"At Comic-Con… please be gentle about this, Julian."

"Okay! I just… wow. I know where you live now. Sweet."

"Don’t you dare try to blackmail me with that information, Larson."

"I won’t. There’s nothing to worry about."

———

"...you know what?" Han sighed as the last session before prom was about to close off. "Roll sense motive."

The clatter of dice hitting each other and everyone cussing filled the room, quickly picking up their dice and looking.

"Fifteen!"

"Seventeen!"

"Five!"

"How’s you get a five, Lucy?"

"I’m a barbarian, what do you think—"

"Thirty-four."

Dwight practically glared at Logan. "What the fuck, dude?"

"I play a half-elf cleric, Dwight," Logan answered, straight-faced. "Plus two to wisdom straight away, rolled extremely well, I have a plus five modifier to wisdom and the alertness feat. I took a single rank in sense motive every time we leveled up and now I have ten ranks. On the tenth rank in sense motive or perception, you get a bonus four to the skill instead of the usual two. Thus, ten plus four plus five equals nineteen, plus the fifteen that I rolled. That’s thirty-four. Do I sense motive?"

"...everyone who rolled above a fifteen, and that definitely includes Flint—" Han could see Logan smiling smugly. "Everyone who rolled above a fifteen can see that this woman is telling the truth. Anyone who rolled a twenty or above, Flint, can also sense that—"

There was a knock at the door. There was never a knock at the door. But now there was. And as Reed got up to open the door, Han silently hoped it wouldn’t be anyone who shouldn’t be there—

"And this is your boyfriend’s room," Julian’s voice came through as Reed’s jaw dropped. "Thank you for picking Julian Larson to be your tour guide, we hope you enjoyed the trip."

"Very! Oh, hello!" The girl at the door waved at Reed, who waved back. The whole party waved back. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"No, those nerds are just playing dungeons and dragons. You have nothing to worry about." Reed finally returned to his seat as Julian kissed the girl’s cheek, chuckling at the shock. "Logan, I’ll be expecting you to pick me up at six. I want my pre-prom sushi."

"I promised you I will, Princess, don’t panic."

"Okay, just making sure."

As Julian left, the girl went to sit on Han’s futon and look at everyone. Long brown hair, half of it bleached; dark eyes behind a pair of green plastic-framed glasses; a bit on the heavier side, like Han himself, and wearing a floral summer dress and a pair of short leggings. Her face was flushed red, her lipstick a dark blue, and her nails painted black that just started to chip.

Han missed her so much.

"So… hi." She waved around again, a bit confused. "What’s up…?"

"Who’s this?" Dwight was the first to speak.

"My girlfriend," Han replied, sounding rather insistent. "We were just about to finish our session, Lils. Can you wait?"

"Mmhm! Absolutely! I’ll be so quiet, you’ll forget I’m even here!"

Nobody forgot she was there. Merril kept looking over to her, Reed and Dwight seemed skeptical as ever, and the only person who was normal about it was Lucy. But it wasn’t news for Lucy, she’s met Leah before after all. All the while Leah sat there, chuckling at the game and waiting patiently for Han to finish, which he did twenty minutes later. Dwight practically ran out, followed by Logan who needed to pick his own boyfriend up for dinner, but…

"So where are you from in Canada?" Merril asked first, making Leah smile. 

"I’m… not Canadian. Did Han tell you I’m Canadian?"

"Where’s your lipstick from?" Reed asked next.

"Umm… it’s, it’s from NARS, I picked it up on the way here, I forgot to pack my own makeup and—"

"Is Han taking you to prom?"

Han choked on his water at that. "I can’t leave my room for prom, Merril. Health risks."

"You can have an indoors prom."

"We planned on watching Battlestar Galactica and ordering takeout," Leah admitted. "But… an indoors prom would be nice. I’m not going to mine anyway. My class is writing this… really offensive skit about one of the math teachers and I don’t want to be a part of it."

"What’s your prom even like…?" Reed squinted, sitting back down. "That you do skits."

"It’s… not really a prom. Israel doesn’t really have the promenade culture, it’s just like a showcase the whole class does for family and friends before graduation… I’ve never liked this practice, you know, I think it’s just…"

As Leah rambled on, Han took his time to clear the table and silently hope Merril and Reed leave soon. Those two have prom dates after all. And neither are a Canadian girlfriend.

[dathemyscira]

witcher netflix thoughts

bad:

- man what is it about high fantasy genre that makes creators think i want to see just absolutely way too much graphic violence

- also tits. put them away

- most of the cgi and special effects are absolutely godawful. you know what wasn’t? the fucking gore. how the hell could netflix afford the most nauseatingly realistic set of human innards and also the SHITTIEST fucking cosplay elf ears

- the dragon was particularly ugly. hire a video game animator

- geralt is a bit of a tit

- yennefer is also a bit of a tit

- why did henry cavill opt to use christian bale batman voice

- the only hot male cast member (vilgefortz) ends up a traitor

- IF U ARE GOING TO CAST MAHESH JADU GIVE HIM A SEXIER ROLE THAN GOD DAMN TRAITOR BROWN MAN™

- also i like how he’s “main cast” but has like. maybe a quarter episode total screentime

- speaking of which triss was the only character who i absolutely loved who Didn’t die (or betray the main cast.......... rip vilgefortz) and she also had like, an episode’s total screentime. also considered “main cast”

i suppose in fairness to those last two criticisms it’s eight episodes but. disappointing

- i see quite a bit of posting about “toss a coin to your witcher” but the actual tune itself. quite disappointing i was expecting More

- rip jaskier i’m sorry that geralt is a bit of a tit

- i feel like no one ages right

- the other character who i absolutely loved was mousesack, who perished in like episode 1

good:

- yennefer, triss and ciri actually look like three different fucking women, the primary reason why i gave the show a chance and also why i refuse to ever play tw3

- triss excellent

- besides the dumb voice henry cavill was a very convincing geralt (rip to that first pic from like a million years ago)

- anya chalotra excellent (the other reason why i gave the show a chance: to spite people who were mad about Brown Yennefer) tho i continue to be annoyed that she’s so much younger than henry cavill

- seen a lot of complaints about the converging timelines thing but i actually quite liked it

- i didn’t really like calanthe herself but i liked her relationship with eist that was nice

- favorites: triss, mousesack and vilgefortz (until That Bit) i just like people who are chill (until That Bit)

- pleasantly surprised at how often geralt chose not to kill something

i know i had more bad to say than good but overall i believe my opinion is positive i’d say like 7/10 😔 it’s hard for me to dislike anything really

[ideolatry]

Thank-you, Dragon Age.

To Patrick Weekes, David Gaider, Mike Laidlaw, Lukas Kristjanson and the rest of the creative team behind Dragon Age: Inquisition,

I’m not sure if you’ll ever read this. Chances are this will just be another wave in an ocean of fan mail, but one can hope.

Thank-you for saving my life.

No, really.

Where do I start? Let’s see… it’s 1998, I’m a strange 15 year-old girl in a small mill town in northern British Columbia. I don’t fit in. I’m a parrot amongst ravens. A really awkward parrot. With a bad haircut. There’s lonely, and then there’s Lunchtime Lonely™. You know, where you tuck yourself away in the corner of the cafeteria, just you and your floppy cheese sandwich, desperately hoping to avoid attention, because any attention coming your way is not particularly positive at this juncture in your social career.

Something tells me you get it.

It was at this point I discovered Baldur’s Gate, and it was like... my fantasy gateway drug. Through fantasy, science fiction, comic books and video games and the community around those genres, I realized there was a place in the universe for weirdos like me. I learned that the things I came to understand I was: a nerdy, bisexual, poly, whimsical, book-addicted extroverted introvert were okay things to be. I found my own voice as an artist and writer and fully embraced my inner awkward parrot.

I remained a Ride Hard/Die Hard fan of anything Black Isle/Bioware sent out into the universe from that point forward, but it wasn’t until Dragon Age: Inquisition that I realized that a story, rather than just a vehicle for inspiration, enjoyment, or escapism, can also be a life vest when you need it most.

A couple years ago I went through one of those periods where it felt as though I spun the Wheel of Fortune and landed on Bankrupt. Those moments in time when it’s like the universe takes notice of you and decides it’s your turn on the rack.

I gave birth to a beautiful boy, and though I loved him with all my heart, I was hit with crippling postpartum depression and anxiety. I could barely function and ended up on some strong medication which I subsequently weaned off of because the side effects were decidedly worse than the condition. Shortly thereafter my son’s father lost his job and we had to give up our beautiful home and move a family of 5, including a newborn, into the teeniest of tiny apartments.

Then I received the horrible news that one of my closest friends, whom I affectionately referred to as my ‘baby sis’ had been killed, struck by a car while waiting for her bus. Six weeks after, still reeling from that news, my very best friend in the entire world, possibly the closest connection I’ve ever had, died unexpectedly of pneumonia. We all just thought she had a bad cold.

Several months after that my son’s father and I went through a painful separation, including horrible fights around custody, my mother was diagnosed with COPD and emphysema and my father’s kidneys failed and he was put on dialysis.

I’m not sharing this with you for pity points, I promise. I realize that there are many, many people with far greater problems than I. I was and am still, blessed in immeasurable ways. I’m sharing this only to give you context as to where I was emotionally by the end of that year. Emotionally is actually a strange word to use, because I largely didn’t feel anything. I’d surface occasionally for moments of despair or anger, but for the most part I became numb to everything and everyone around me.

I had forgotten how to laugh, how to love, how to see the world in anything but shades of grey. I functioned much as a robot does, in order to do the things I know my two sons needed me to do for them, but it was all on auto-pilot.

It was at this point I started playing Dragon Age: Inquisition. I had played through once before, while pregnant, and enjoyed myself… but it was different this time around. This time the game scooped me up and drew me in, and surrounded my mind and heart with its music, its art, and of course, its writing.

For the first time in months, I found myself authentically smiling. I discovered depths to characters I had only paid cursory attention to beforehand. I padded the game with the books, comics, fan art, fanfiction, and the wonderful anime. For a while, Dragon Age and its denizens became my entire world. Dorian reminded me what it was like to experience friendship. Solas reminded me what it was like to experience love. The laughter they shared was my laughter, their heartbreak was my heartbreak, and rather than providing simple escapism, Dragon Age gave me a safe place to try and *feel* things again.

It was like being woken up after a long sleep. My own uthenera. I started noticing the outside world once more. The scenery in the Hinterlands inspired me to start hiking. The music of Trevor Morris had me sinking into playlists derived from and inspired by the game. The Solavellan plot-line gave me the impetus to start writing again, something I honestly thought would never, ever happen.

I decided it was time to start taking better care of myself, for my own sake, and for my boys. I used the goal of cosplaying my Inquisitor as the proverbial carrot on a stick I needed to get in shape, and I started going to the gym. I learned how to lift weights, and I discovered that if you can get past the point where exercise is horrible, it can actually become one of the most wonderful things in the world. I lost 65lbs, gained so much strength and confidence, and wore my cosplay to my city’s annual Sci-Fi/Fantasy convention, where many of my acquaintances didn’t recognize me. Whether that was due to the weight loss, the elf ears, or the genuine smile on my face, I’ll leave up to you. I was also blessed enough to have the incredibly talented @nipuni paint a picture of my Inquisitor at the Winter Palace.

I’ve even gone on a few dates. Ha. Who knows what the future may hold?

I can honestly say that I’ve never felt more strong or hopeful in my entire adult life. Ironically, I’m crying as I write this. No words could ever be adequate for the gift you all gave me. You were there for me precisely when I needed you to be, and if it hadn’t been for Dragon Age:Inquisition I’m not sure where I’d be today, or who I’d be. Whom I’d be? Who I’d be? Look, I said I was a writer. I never said I was a *good* one.

Your creative efforts helped me deliver myself from the brink. Your work was instrumental in giving two young children their mother back, and I want you to remember that when you’re doubting yourself, when your creativity is bumping up against corporate complications, when you’re being derided or attacked by the very fandom you serve, when you’re wondering what the fucking point of it all is, anyway.

Please remember that you changed someone’s life. Immeasurably. Forever, and for the better. I realize you have obviously had that impact on many thousands of people, but that’s their story and this one is mine.

Once upon a time there was a girl. She went missing. You saved her. The End.

All my love and gratitude, always…

Christy-Lee

[minigenos]

Holidays, Part 2

Part 1 ― Part 2 (you are here)

Genos plans a romantic holiday evening for Saitama. However, as this is the One Punch Man universe, things quickly start going to shit when monsters attack.

The atmosphere at the banquet hall was relaxed and friendly, though one wouldn't think so based on Genos's expression. While Saitama was nearly halfway done with his food, the cyborg hadn't touched anything in his bowl. He was just... staring at it.

Oh god, not again, the hero thought to himself as he looked over to his date. He's over-anaylizing something again, isn't he?

Saitama knew the only way to snap Genos out of his current mood was to get him to say what was on his mind, much to the older hero's chagrin.

He really hoped it wouldn't be another ten-minute long essay this time.

“Uh, Genos? You haven't touched any of your food yet. It's going to get cold...”

“Oh?” Now that Genos had been brought back to reality, the only thing left to do was brace for whatever he had to say next.

“Sorry sensei, I was just thinking. I should have been able to detect those two monsters you defeated well before we actually saw them. Now I'm beginning to wonder if my sensors are faulty or monsters have developed some way of hiding from them...”

Saitama looked over at Genos. Or, more specifically, the crack in his head from when the hero mistakenly hit it like an alarm clock.

Hmmm...

That might be the reason why his system wasn't working properly.

But it was Christmas, and Genos shouldn't have to worry about something like that. If anything came along Saitama could handle it. Now all he had to do was convince the cyborg of such and get him to drop the subject.

“Ah, yeah, well don't worry about it. They're gone and if anything else shows up I can deal with it, no problem.” Saitama managed a smile to make what he said more genuine, which Genos seemed to begrudgingly buy.

“You're right,” he finally admitted. “I'll just have to make sure Doctor Kuseno checks it the next time I go in for repairs.”

For a brief moment Saitama was exceedingly glad the doctor didn't have any means to contact him – he probably would have gotten an earful from him over damaging Genos in such a stupid way.

With Genos's mind put at ease for now the pair could finally relax and enjoy their dinner in peace.

Except not really.

With Genos's sensors out of commission, everyone was taken completely by surprise when part of the roof and wall caved in and the shadows of a dozen monsters materialized in the swirling dust and snow.

Every single one of the workers fucked right out of the room at the very first sight of the monsters. They definitely weren't getting paid enough to deal with that kind of crap.

“Hm, hm! Well, isn't this a surprise,” one of the monsters said. “Someone who didn't run away for once. Are you too scared to move, or too stupid to know when to get out of the way?”

At the direction of the monster closest to the heroes, the entire group began to move forward well before the dust and snow had settled.

“Well, since you gave us such a warm welcome,” the same monster as before said, “please allow us to introduce ourselves.” Standing before them was what seemed to be an animated tree with two sets of stubby, gnarled legs and one pair of over-sized arms that ended hands with varying numbers of sharp claws. On what could be considered its torso was a giant number “1” while where its head would have most likely been was a circular robotic structure that held a bird within it. One of the bird's eyes and part of its head were robotic while a monocle was somehow held up against its other eye.

With a couple egotistical chuckles the bird spoke again. “We are The-”

“Hey look Genos, it's a cute little pigeon!” Saitama said, completely cutting off the monster. “Do you think they have any bread in the kitchen we can feed it? I wanna go check.”

“Sensei...” the cyborg whispered in what could be considered a pleading voice for him. He tried to grab onto his mentor to stop him, but the man was already out of his normal reach.

“Would you stop that!” the bird monster shouted, causing Saitama to freeze in his tracks. The tree it was positioned on top of lurched a huge step forward in response.

“Oh hey it talks!” Saitama smiled over his delayed realization. “Neat, a talking pigeon”

“I'M NOT A PIDGEON YOU IMBECILE!”

Now that Saitama's focus was solely on their newest adversaries, the hero finally took the time to look over each monster in the group. Thankfully for him, all but one were number-coded for easy identification.

1 – The talking pigeon (“I'M A PARTRIDGE YOU TWAT!!”) and animated tree.

2 – A bipedal, mostly white, turtle with unusually large claws. Saitama could see bursts of pink flames erupt from the limbs every so often. Its number was sewn onto a silver arm band.

3 – One of the most human-looking of the group, this monster had long, flowing silver hair and held a long cigarette marked with a “3” in a gloved hand. Her white boa provided a sharp contrast to her floor-length black dress.

“Oh hey, you look really nice!” Saitama couldn't help but compliment the monster.

“Oh? Tu es un charmeur,” she replied in a somehow italicized French accent.

4 – While the head of this monster was identical to that of a common sparrow, just enlarged to fit the rest of the body, everything from the neck down looked almost boringly human, even down to the black suit and polished shoes. A small “4” was monogrammed onto its pocket square. It might seem rather uninteresting, but this was definitely a high-class monster.

5 – A solid gold-colored, cartoonishly haute humanoid. He probably wasn't real gold; maybe 10k at max. He seemed to use psychic powers to continuously levitate and spin five circular gold blades at speeds fast enough to rip through flesh. Instead of telling time, his watch showed only the number 5 – honestly, there were some days where Saitama could get behind that sentiment.

6 – The only un-numbered one of the bunch, it was literally just a giant goose. Likely it had ripped its marker off.

7 – This monster seemed to have the head and upper body of a black-colored swan wearing a long, iridescent black feathered dress that trailed on the floor. Saitama couldn't tell if it had normal human legs, really long bird legs, or if it was just two swans standing on top of each other. He figured it would be too rude to ask. A black corset with a silver “7” jutting from it indicated where her place was in the group.

8 – This monster seemed... suspiciously human. A burly woman in a red and white maid's outfit, combat boots, and spiked punching gloves marked with one bright red “8” on each one seemed like something one would see at a cosplay convention than with a group of blatantly obvious monsters.

At this point Saitama wished there were fewer monsters because the descriptions of each individual one was becoming extremely tedious.

9 – Saitama had to admit, this monster looked surprisingly interesting. It was a ballet dancer made up of possibly millions of shards of crystal that seemed able to shift and reform its body at will, though most of the time was contorting its body in the approximate shape of the number 9.

10 – This monster seemed like it would again be more at home at a cosplay convention, or even a Renaissance festival. They looked like a ridiculously over-sized elf, aside from the mask over its eyes which turned them into a pair of glowing white dots. A belt held together with a “10” buckle stored numerous smithing tools and picks while the monster held a heavy mallet in each hand.

11 – A massive, completely mechanized hedgehog with a thick black sack for a belly and musical pipes as opposed to quills. Its number was engraved into large gears placed at the monster's hips.

12 – The final monster of the batch, and one of the few that looked like a monster to boot; a large demon drum with rows of spikes along both sides of its body. Based on how easily rubble was crushed into dust under its feet, it was safe to say this monster was notably heavier than it looked.

With each monster finally registered, Saitama had only one thing to say.

“You guys seriously take orders from a pigeon?”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM NOT A PIDGEON!” the bird shouted as his wings slapped down onto the rim of his mechanical nest.

“He's an angry pigeon,” Saitama teased, which resulted in even Genos rolling his eyes. “Oh! Wait, I get it now! It's like the song! How's it go?”

“W...what?” the bird muttered in a perplexed voice.

“FIVE GOLDEN HENS!!” the hero bellowed at the top of his lungs, startling both Genos and the group of monsters. His student was the quickest to recover and pointed out his mentor's mistake.

“No, no, sensei. It's five golden rings. The hens are day three.”

“Are you sure? I thought they were golden hens...”

The pair spent an obscenely long time debating among themselves what item corresponded to each day and wildly failing, while the group of monsters that were very blatantly based off of the song stood. Directly. Across. From. Them.

“What shall we do?” the monster marked with a 3 asked.

“This is getting ridiculous,” the feathered ringleader of the group replied. Together they were no less than a Dragon-level threat, possibly bordering on that of God.

And they were being ignored by an over-literal cyborg and hoodie-wearing humanoid egg.

“Just kill them already!” the bird ordered with a wave of his wing, which triggered the monsters into launching forward – fangs, claws, fire, or tools bared – and bear down on the two heroes.

The sudden commotion was finally enough to break the pair from their discussion. Genos dropped down while his robotic body flared to life, while Saitama merely just turned his head.

“Don't you know it's rude,” he started while balling his left hand into a fist, “to interrupt other people's conversations?” He swung his fist in an arch, which made direct contact with the “1” on the sentient tree, causing the monster to disintegrate instantly. The shock wave from Saitama's punch completely destroyed the other monsters, causing their bodies to be torn to shreds and splatter in a wide arch around where they died. Only two monsters managed to survive the carnage by getting blown back and managing to avoid a fatal amount of damage.

“Get up Golde. We need to get out of here.”

“W... what happened?” The gold-colored monster rose shakily to an approximate sitting position and looked at the other monster. Hen looked pretty roughed up, to say the least. Her dress  and boa had seen better days, and the cigarette she had gotten from Par as a gift for joining the Knights was long gone.

The pair had been knocked notably far away from their original spot and landed in a poorly-lit area far enough away from the heroes to escape their notice. A true lucky blessing for them if ever there was one.

“I don't know how, but we survived.” The made a long, pained sigh. “I think we're the only ones who did.”

“But- but you've got to be joking! We're notably weaker than some of those monsters! Heck, we're not even full-fledged monsters like they are-”

“Were.”

“...were... but you're saying we are the only ones that made it out alive?”

“Oui.”

Golde let out a dejected sigh and held his head in his hands. His partner stretched out her hand as a silent reminder for him that they needed to get up and get the heck out of there before reinforcements arrived. Or, even worse, those two heroes found them.

“How the hell did it end up like this,” he muttered to nobody in particular.

Neither Golde or Hen, his female co-patriot, were full-fledged monsters just yet, but were welcomed into the Demon Knights because they fit the rolls so well. Originally they had planned to just wait it out under the other monsters' protection until they had completely turned themselves, but now those plans had been completely shot to hell.

“Well, what now?” Golde asked as he wrapped one of Hen's arms around his shoulders.

“I have some items left in storage,” Hen replied. “If my contacts are still around I might be able to sell them and make enough money to open a store somewhere.”

“Hm? What kind of store?”

“I was thinking... a café or bistro maybe? I always enjoyed visiting those places as a child...”

“Ooh! Can I help?” Golde seemed to perk up at Hen's words, causing the woman to get knocked off-balance. “I've always had an eye for interior design and art.”

“Oui. But first,” Hen said as she readjusted herself, “let's focus on getting out of here.”

Golde had no choice but to nod dejectedly at the suggestion. Heartbroken over their loss but determined to make it out of the shitty situation they now found themselves in, the pair walked off into the night to piece their lives back together again.

On a positive note, the Demon Knights had been swiftly vanquished by Saitama. On a less positive note, about a third of the banquet hall had been demolished. That was a small problem for the heroes. The hall's owner probably wasn't going to be very thrilled over what they did.

As Genos called the owner and tried his best to explain what had happened over the other person's loud swearing, Saitama checked out what was salvageable from the food tables. It seemed only the fruit, vegetable, and one try of miniature cakes were, as those three were the only ones to still have a covering on them. Still, it was better than nothing. The hero picked up the three trays and walked over to a mildly frustrated Genos.

“I called the owner and they will be here shortly,” the cyborg said as he pulled out a Hero Association contact card and sandwiched it between a piece of rubble and one of the remaining tables. “I'll leave a card just in case he couldn't hear me over his own swearing.”

“Good thinking Genos,” Saitama commended his partner. He would have given a thumbs up, but his hands were full from the salvaged food. Genos turned around to thank his mentor for the compliment, but froze when he saw what the hero was carrying around.

“Sensei... why...”

“What? I don't wanna waste food if it's still good. This stuff's still covered so it's fine.”

“Yes, but...” Genos quickly realized any argument against taking the food would be futile, and let out a defeated sigh. “Fine,” he acquiesced, “but what now?”

“Hey, are you two OK?!” a familiar voice shouted from outside the newly “renovated” hall. The pair turned to find Mumen Rider in full uniform with a bag of groceries hanging from a handle bar.

“Oh, hey Mumen,” Saitama said before walking over to the other hero.

“I heard a loud explosion while I was out getting groceries, so I checked out and came as fast as I could. Looks like you took care of... everything... though,” he finished while looking around at the destruction.

“Yeah things got kinda messy,” Saitama nodded. “But, uh, we still managed to salvage some of the food, so that's good.” He hoisted up the trays in his arms to show off to the hero.

“Hmmm,” Mumen mused for a few seconds. “Hey, I have an idea!” He held up his pointer finger to emphasize the fact that he had an idea. “Why don't we stop off at the store so I can pick up a little more meat, and we can use it and those vegetables in a hot pot? I haven't had a chance to make that in ages!”

Saitama was on board almost immediately.

“Heck yeah!” the hero beamed. “That sounds great! You wanna do it, Genos?”

Even though the cyborg wasn't particularly thrilled about how the night had gone, he couldn't overlook the fact that Saitama seemed exceptionally happy over the suggestion.

“That's great,” Mumen smiled. “The store's right on the way home, so it won't take long at all to go in there, get what we need, and head back out.”

The group of three left the hall's parking lot with some light-hearted discussion, and completely ignored the owner of the establishment, who had just shown up. It was probably for the best that nobody was around him in the end; the string of expletives that spewed forth from his mouth could have made even Tiger-level monsters shrink back in horror.

“Alright, took a minute to put together, but here we are!” Mumen smiled as he set the hot pot assembly on the middle of the table. Finely-sliced pieces of beef along with vegetables had been carefully arranged in the bowl which was just now starting to heat up. It would be a little while before everything was ready, but even now the aroma was enough to make Saitama's mouth water.

“Hey, thanks for this,” Saitama said as they continued to sit around and wait for their food to be ready.

“It's no problem! Honestly, I was surprised to see you two out tonight of all nights.”

“Yeah,” the hero replied. “Funny enough, I almost overslept and forgot about it! Ha ha!”

Saitama's last sentence was enough to cause Genos to turn around and give him a mildly stone-faced look. The crack on his head was still very much visible, thank you very much.

In the end Genos couldn't deny that laughing off the incident was probably the best idea, despite the fact that it 100% was Saitama's fault in the first place. Tonight had turned out alright in light of their earlier setbacks, and nobody wanted to ruin it now. Genos merely waited silently for the hot pot to finish cooking as the other two heroes talked about everything and nothing at all.

“Is it done yet?” Saitama eventually asked, prompting Genos to pick up a pair of chopsticks and poke at the food.

“Seems so,” the cyborg replied.

“Aw sweet!” Saitama eagerly picked up his bowl and chopsticks, then pulled out a little bit of every item from the hot pot that was within his reach. Mumen and Genos quickly followed suit.

The pair didn't leave until nearly midnight, and to Mumen's delight cleaned out the hot pot bowl and all the dishes they had used. As the lone hero turned off the lights to his kitchen and living room, he couldn't help but let out a contented sigh. He had only planned on having dinner on his own tonight, but sheer chance had led to Saitama and Genos joining him for the evening. It wasn't anything fancy or extravagant, but he had a great time and hoped the two other heroes did as well.

Saitama woke up with a start the next morning.

They had left all of their food at Mumen's house!

[surveysonfleek]

1211.

Do you want your last ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? sure. If you have a smartphone, what’s the last app you downloaded? What about the last app you uninstalled?   the last app i downloaded was that simpsons tapped out. i need to kill time lol. the last app i deleted was a business one. If you were a straight member of the opposite sex, who are some celebrities you think you’d have a thing for?   rihanna, beyonce, rita ora. not sure who else. Have you ever dyed your own hair? How did it turn out?   yes. it was fine, not a huge change. Right-handed or left-handed? right-handed.

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone?   just a boring iphone one. Does your first, middle, and last spell something?   huh? Favorite TV channel? i don’t have one.  What is your least favorite breed of dog?   i don’t have one tbh. it all depends on the dog’s personality. In your opinion, are leggings appropriate to wear as pants?   yes, i think they’re fine as long as they’re not see through. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents?   nope. Is there any alcohol in the fridge?   yes, wine.

Do you hate it when people smoke around you?   i don’t really care. What do you want for your birthday?   a watch. Who is the most inappropriate person you know?   i know a couple but only when they’re intoxicated. Who in your phone has a heart after their name?   my boyfriend. After breaking up, what’s the worst?   learning how to move on by yourself. Do you have a second mom? nope. When was the hardest time in your life? What made it so hard & how did you overcome it? when my parents separated. it was just a shitty time in my life, i dreaded going home just coz they ignored each other. How do you relieve stress? sleeping, watching movies/tv shows. When you die do you want to have a funeral service? Why or why not?   yeah, i would. it would bring a lot of people together i guess. What illegal drugs have you tried? Describe how you feel when you take each. If you haven’t tried any, would you ever want to? weed, coke, mdma. are shrooms illegal? if so, then yeah i’ve done that too. What is your opinion on capital punishment?   eh. What period of history was your favorite to learn about? If you don’t like history, what is your favorite thing to learn about? modern history. Where is your favorite fast food restaurant & what do you order when you go there? burger king. a whopper. i haven’t had one in ages. What do you think about smoking in public places?   it’s fine. What’s your favorite cheese? camembert. What’s your favorite type of chocolate?   milk. How do you like your steak? medium rare. What’s the last time you ate something you’d picked in the wild? i feel like i’ve never done that. Arrange the following in order of preference: Pineapple, Orange, Apple, Strawberry, Cherry, Watermelon, Banana.   banana, watermelon, pineapple, orange, apple, strawberry, cherry. What is your opinion on “God?”   i believe in them. i’m just not religious whatsoever. What is your favorite Christmas movie?   elf. Who are the three most important people in your life?   i’d have to choose four. my immediate family and boyfriend. Why did you go to the doctor the last time you went?   i had food poisoning. What is your favorite boy band?   boyz ii men. What is your favorite Beatles song?   i don’t have one tbh. What is your favorite type of bird? toucans are cool. What is something you hate, but wish you loved? olives. If you could profoundly release anxiety’s grip on one area of your life what would it be? everything. i have the weirdest irrational anxiety. it’s frustrating. What’s the cutest thing your SO does, but denies it’s cute in any way? his mannerisms. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture?   yeah, i’m in mid laughter haha. Does it irritate you when people go on and on about how amazing their boyfriend/girlfriend is? only if it’s the only thing they talk about. If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark color or a light?   i like neutral shades, browns, pinks, nudes. What do you believe in the most?   idk. What do you avoid like the plague?   driving haha. i do it anyway. What is your main goal of the year?   finding a new job. Do you listen to music while you drive? always. Waffle cone or bowl?   cone. Do you like video games? Why?   it really depends, i’m picky with them. they’re fun to kill time with. Do you take selfies with those animal filters? when they first came out on snapchat they were cute but now i just think they took tacky. What book will you NOT read?   many. What YouTube channel can you not stand to watch? stupid ones. pewdiepie, those logan brother, ricegum etc. they’re terrible, i don’t get the appeal. Do you like big, normal or small glasses?   normal. How do you feel about colored contacts? it’s whatever. to each their own. Is pregnancy beautiful?   sure. Do you dance at weddings/parties or are you shy?   sometimes. when i’m in the mood. Are you kind to animals at all times?   i don’t really take notice of them tbh. Have you ever been bitten by an animal really hard? yes. Do you trust dogs? only my dog. Do you trust cats?   nope. What stereotype do you fall into the best?   slacker. Do you have to take stairs or an elevator to get to your house? stairs. Have you ever seen a pelican in real life? yes. all the damn time at the beaches. Do you carry pepper spray with you?   nope. Name three sites you have been bullied on. none tbh. i keep a pretty low profile. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. nope. not one out of control. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal?   no. Have you ever had a emergency surgery?   no. Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed?   natural. What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? anxiety lol. and food. i have a weak stomach. If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World?   of course! What unnatural hair color looks best on you? really dark purple. What is your least favorite pizza place?   i don’t know tbh. What is the name of your first pet?   dopey. he was a bird lol. What is your favorite fairytale?   hmmm. rumpelstiltskin. Have you ever suffered a fracture?   yes. in my pinky from basketball. What countries would you like to visit?   japan and the bahamas. Had a serious surgery?   the most serious would be a dog bite when i was 2. i only remember bits and pieces of it though. Gotten stitches?   yes. Bitten someone?   not seriously. Would you ever cosplay?   probably not. How slowly or quickly would you say you eat? pretty quickly. Have you ever drank from a real coconut?   yes! not as sweet as i thought it’d be. Do you have bird feeders hanging up outside? What about any hanging plants? nope. If you were poor, living on the streets, & had no family to aid you, would you take up a job offer to work in a slaughterhouse? if that was the only job i could get, then yeah. it would suck but unfortunately we need money to live. Have you ever had a grandparent come live with you?   yeah. Do you keep your fortunes from fortune cookies?   i did for awhile, kept it in my phone case.  When you walk into your bedroom, is the light switch on the right side or the left side of the door? right. Who makes the majority of the food for Thanksgiving in your family? we don’t celebrate thanksgiving here. Does your house have a real chimney? nope. If you had to endure one natural disaster (i.e. hurricane, tornado, etc), what would you pick and why?   no idea just because i’ve never been through one. probably a hurricane though? i think my house could withstand that. How did you learn to ride a bicycle?   pretty sure my dad taught me. i relied on training wheels even though i knew how to ride without them and finally just got rid of them when i was about 8 lol. If you want any tattoos or piercings, what’s next on your list? don’t want either. Are you good at understanding baby talk?   nope. What was the last movie that you saw in the theaters?   it’s been forever. i think it was deadpool 2 or ocean’s eight. Can you do a hand stand?   nope. If you could, you would go to the moon?   probably not.  Do you like candy canes?   no. Have you ever gotten in trouble at school for wearing revealing clothes?   no. we had uniforms. Have you ever seriously thought about getting plastic surgery?   no. Do you prefer your jeans normal or ripped?   normal. i like acid wash and that distressed look though. Have you ever actually woken up screaming because of a nightmare?   no. Have you watched Breaking Bad?   i’ve seen about half of it. Have you ever been skating?   yes. Do you feel comfortable singing in front of others?   hell no. Name four favorite fast food restaurants & what you usually order at each one. burger king: whopper meal. mcdonalds: cheeseburger or applie pie. kfc: twista meal. sushi hub: i always get sushi and avocado, crispy chicken and avocado and prawn katsu rolls. Name four favorite sit down restaurants & what you usually order at each one.   hurricanes: ribs. hooters: wings in either spicy garlic or teriyaki sauce. idk where else tbh. Would you say you’re more close-minded or open-minded? Is there anyone in your family or group of friends you’d consider close-minded? If so, does it ever bother you? definitely open minded. i think my family and friends are quite open minded. i’m not really close to anyone who i really disagree with when it comes to my views. What is the most fucked up movie you’ve seen? Why?   i honestly forgot what it was called but it was on netflix and there’s just a room of people in this weird room and only one could survive. When it’s time to dress up for a special occasion, are you more likely to wear a dress, a skirt, or dress pants? a dress. If you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it? What is your favorite flavor?   i never ear oatmeal. Have you ever been brave enough to cut your hair in a very different way? If you have, did you regret your decision after?   nah. How attractive is a girl is a suit? How attractive is a guy in a dress?   it all depends on how the clothes fit the person tbh. What does your dad do?   he works in a factory. Are your fingers long, or short? they’re pretty stubby. Are you allergic to any dogs? nope. Have you ever used an epi pen?   no. What is the meaning of your first name? goddess of wine. funnily enough i’m not a fan of wine. Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation?   i don’t think i did actually lol. Does it usually take you awhile to recover from illnesses? sometimes. it depends. i’ll either get over a sickness in a couple of days or it’ll take weeks. Would you rather get married outside or inside?   inside only because knowing my luck it’ll be raining. Do you put your elbows on the table when you eat? Do you think it’s rude? i don’t think i do but i don’t really consider it rude. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby?   yes. What are your thoughts on mini-skirts or mini-dresses?   not a fan of them on myself. Have you ever died in one of your dreams?   yes haha. then i woke up. Which is tastier: fruity gum or minty gum?   fruity tbh. Be honest, have you ever bullied anybody? Who was it?   not seriously. i’ve been teased but i haven’t been a constant target. What was the mascot at your elementary school?   we didn’t have one. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once?   the proposal. Have you ever had a significant other NOT believe you when you said “i love you” to them? Why was that? How did you react? nope. Is there a band logo you would get tattooed on yourself?   no. If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital?   hospital. wouldn’t want to jeopardise anything. What was the last thing you ordered online?   invitations to be printed. What’s your favorite planet?   earth. What are three things that fascinate you? travelling, space and culture. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder? no. Do you enjoy doing yoga? not really. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school?   nope. Have you ever had fondue?   yes. only a chocolate one though. i’d love to try a cheese one. Have you ever taken photos in a photobooth?   yes. If you have a dog, do you walk it regularly? not really. he’s turning 15 this year and is super old. we have a huge backyard so he still runs around when he wants. Do porcelain dolls scare you?   they don’t scare me but i definitely wouldn’t want to start a collection. Which is worse, Teletubbies or Boohbas? boohbas were weird af. Would you ever consider getting a tattoo on the inside of your bottom lip? nope. Do you like to play air hockey? yes. Have you ever been in a castle?   technically yes. it’s just not my definition of a castle. Are you a lightweight when it comes to alcohol?   i’m okay. Do you like tacos?   only soft tacos.

[monsterrates]

I'm not sure how much he qualifies as a monster but you should do Rin Okumura from blue exorcist, either way i love your blog, have a great day :)

RIN OKUMURA (Blue Exorcist)

Even just one non-human feature is enough to qualify for this blog, just don’t expect a high monstruousness rating. Also fun fact, the other day I saw some fucklord professing some bad opinions about Negasonic and Yukio from Deadpool 2 and he’d tagged the post with Yukio Okumura proving he was an idiot. Anyway.

INTRODUCTION: This monster is one of two sons of Satan and a human woman. Unlike his brother Yukio who is completely human, Rin inherited all of the demonic power of their father. Now he’s training to become an exorcist because anime loves irony.

PROS:♥ If you’re gonna give someone fangs, this is the #1 way to do it, with stubby canines on both top and bottom. Long elegant fangs on just the top is boring and I don’t support that look.♥ Now, this is a very thin, skinny tail, which I know is off my brand, but it is on theme for typical demon looks, but most importantly, the tip is on fucking fire. That’s the best possible outcome.♥ I mean, there’s just sorta blue fire coming every which way off this boy when he’s using his demon powers. Now, blue fire is definitely very “I’m 13 and this is edgy,” but Rin himself is not an edgelord, so it’s fine and we can just appreciate that blue fire is honestly cool as heck.♥ He’s got those little elf ears, which are nice, but they get even BETTER;

This is the perfect amount of ear pointiness. Any more and we’re playing WoW, any less and it’s like, I guess that’s fine but why even bother.♥ I like how instead of growing horns, he just gets those two little flame hats where horns might be. Because he’s only PART demon, you know. They’re nice. Also lets just appreciate how much fucking fire this boys got on him right now. Plus he’s got that spirit going into his sword. I don’t really remember this because I lost interest in AoEx in the middle of Kyoto arc where this happens, but it’s nice of this weird bird to make Rin’s sword more powerful.♥ If I’m gonna give bad men minus points, it’s only fair I give Rin some Good Boy Points for not only being a good boy, but doing so while not being afraid that using his FEARSOME DEMONIC POWERS when he can do so to help people.

CONS:♥ His demonic powers aren’t really that fearsome and besides the firey parts could easily be passed off as cosplaying. You know, those kids that walk around cons with a tail and no actual costume? What’s up with those kids. Anyway, as I said before, besides sometimes being on fire, Rin is mostly a normal boy.♥ Like, that is really the only con I have, it’s a big one, but still. To just give us another bullet point, I’ll complain that the Blue Exorcist wiki uses an ugly decorative gothic font for their page headers and I’m mad about it because it’s not even thematically appropriate. If this was the Claymore wiki, maybe.

RATINGS:MONSTRUOUSNESS: 2/10What he’s got is pretty good and nicely designed, but it’s still not very unusual or like, a lot of it. So Rin can’t score very high.

FUCKABILITY: 0/10I’m sure 16 is legal somewhere, but as I’m almost 26, I’m taking another hard pass on this one. He is a very cute boy who will surely make a handsome adult, if it helps.

PERSONAL RATING: 5.5/10He’s a good dog, Bront. I just don’t have much to be excited about here. There’s more interesting demon designs in this series than Rin.

[unclehades]

Tell me all about that steampunk game! I love that style :)

nice!! i used to be big into steampunk but i never cosplayed in the style or did much other than watch steam boy (great movie) and listen to dr. steel, abney park and steam-powered giraffe

(putting this under a read more because holy fuck it’s long)

note: if you want to learn more, you can send specific asks about specific characters and i’ll try to answer them as best as i can

characters

1. Victor Porter, 21, cishet male | An airship soldier who has a prosthetic arm; is considered to be a hero by some, a heartthrob by others, but who believes that humans are top race and everyone else is beneath him. Says quite a few degrading/racist things about other races, which is including but not limited to xenophobia and microaggressions. He lost his arm at the age of 8 when a group of soldiers from another country came and murdered his parents, then targeted him and his sister. He was already bleeding heavily but he saw them about to hurt his sister so, with a punch of adrenaline, he lunged between the blade and his sister and thus had his arm cut off completely. He felt no pain due to the adrenaline, but then spent a week or two in the hospital recovering. He screamed quite a bit when he realized what had happened. He was later given a weak prosthetic arm with working fingers to be able to work in the city but was fired because the hand couldn’t properly grip things, so he spent most of his time reading about airships and piloting them. At the age of 16, he was given a golden prosthetic arm with working parts that made the fingers move so well and fluidly that it was a blessing; he put the arm to good use and cleaned it every night to keep it in good shape. He experienced ghost pains in his arm for the longest time which he thought were fixed with a few sips of alcohol in a secret carafe, and later he joins the army to protect his friends and family from outside forces.

2. Amelia Porter, 16, cishet female | Sister to Victor, Amelia is a young woman who loves fashion and sewing and creates her own clothes by thrifting old clothes. She works primarily with a large fashion company and models their clothes, most notably corsets and stockings. She rarely show much skin other than her arms, chest (cleavage) and legs (no higher than mid-thigh), and she is very child-friendly and polite to everyone she meets. While her brother is the dark, brooding type, she sees the good in everyone and everything and is very fascinated by the different races and cultures that mix in her home city. She is very small and petite, and although she remembers vividly her brother protecting her from soldiers, she refuses to let him keep a close eye on her, reassuring him that she’s a grown woman who doesn’t need a man to tell her what to do. She’s very independent and mature for her age, but prefers to act like a Disney princess. Like her brother, she can say some sort of racist things without realizing it but apologizes for being insensitive and wants to better herself and respect those she’s wronged. She really enjoys pastel and pink and “girly” things and is most always wearing a large skirt with a high bustle and corset with her hair in pigtails, braids or a bun.

3. Kit and Kat Enrora, 18, cishet male/female | Twin siblings who hail from a foreign land that moved to the main city in the sky to open a bakery under their family’s name of Enrora. They traveled by airship to arrive in the city only to face poverty at the prospect of being in a new land, and soon worked their way up to be able to open a bakery and sell their sweets. They are elves with long ears and markings to signify which lands they come from, and hold fast to the lore and legends of their hometown. They are skilled with herbs and incorporate them into their sweets to bring blessings upon those who purchase them. The female elf - Kit - embraces her elf heritage and dresses in garb from her hometown - primarily sheer skirts, soft-colored tops and gold jewelry to compliment her tanned skin and emerald green eyes. Her brother, Kat, has decided to build a new life for himself in the city and wears the garb of those that live there, which consists of slacks, spats and button-down shirts with vests. Despite their success so far in the city, they are looked down upon by most humans for being a different race and people believe they have an ulterior motive because of the way their menu is written in their native language and the language of the humans (similar to how white people are immediately suspicious of people wearing hijabs). The airship soldier, Victor, walks in one day and quickly falls for Kit based on her looks but is rude to her because of her elf heritage. Kit soon realizes he’s a dick and stands up for herself and her brother by kicking him out, and when he returns to apologize, she refuses to let him get away with a simple “I’m sorry” and gets him to face the truth that he’s an asshole.

4. Enoch Davies, 18, demisexual man| Enoch is a man of very few words, but very high intelligence. Born and raised on the city in the sky and living his life as a human, he is still underestimated due to his dark skin and stagnant silence. Enoch has had high marks in all his academic courses since elementary school, and yet people view him as little more than a “steam cleaner” because he repairs airships for the military and little else. He can be seen hanging around the bakery very often as he has a weak spot for the sweets sold their, and if properly asked, he will admit that he has a secret love of poetry; on rare occasions one can see shelves and shelves of journals in his office that he’s filled up over the course of a few months. He has dreads that reach the center of his back when let down, and wears them up in a bun while he’s working to keep them out of his face. Although his work for the army is a greatly appreciated task, he is still disregarded as a mere worker. However, when the army needs him most, he can easily calculate strategies and analyze data at lightning-fast speeds. When he speaks, his voice is gentle and soft and highly inquisitive.

5. Ewan Gilian, 20, poly agender person | A werewolf who’s spent most of his life collecting peculiar items, Ewan is a travelling merchant who brings his wares to far-off countries for a great price - and perhaps some juicy gossip as well. For the right price, Ewan will tell you how the people far away dance till the sun comes up, or how Miss Augustine down the road frequents the bar a little too often before she has to teach classes. Ewan also has a way with words, which has gotten him out of a few situations regarding the police, capitalism and the royal guard. Every so often, however, Ewan’s signature merchant’s carpet won’t be found at the marketplace, and by that logic, it is safe to assume that he’s either sick as a dog (*cough cough*) or just simply out having a nice date night with his partner(s).

*this is only a very short list of who i have set up. there’s also faun people and fairies and much much more in terms of npcs and characters.

i also have a concept for a religious faction to divide the town - those who believe in the Goddess of Steam and those who believe in the Goddess of Science.

[kurtty-drabbles]

Tail au (part 12)

N/A: if God exists this will be short and on point.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling @bamfoftheundead @everykurt

If Amanda has to measure her own skills in persuasion, and of course, if she has to be 100% honest, she would say she is around 6 or 7 on a scale of 10. It may not sound too bad, but, right now is not enough to further Amanda´s plans.

Kitty Pryde, the fake mutant-ok, maybe not so fake as she recalls Kitty phasing through her- is now dating Lance Alvers and Amanda needs to make sure this new couple remain together forever or at least until Kurt is completely hers.

"Amanda?" one of her friends asked as Amanda is silently watching Kitty-still on the classroom as the teacher is explaining the new subject a bit bored out of her mind-and is curious as to why Amanda is not throwing insults to Kitty all day?

"Oh, hi, Amy. I was just thinking about some stuff...say, Amy, what do you know about Lance Alvers?"

"Oh...well, since you ask...I date his friend Pietro and I got stories to share" Amy seems radiant in share some gossips and Amanda is always ready to listen.

Meanwhile, Kitty is doing her best to ignore the cacophony of sounds, lately, her tail and ears are weak sauce, as they said, comparing with the mutants they saw in TV and yes, some people still think Kitty is a cosplayer.

It seems now a bit insulting. Sure, she can pass as normal, but, she´s still a mutant...isn´t her plight one many mutant faces? Aren´t they all equal?

NO, you silly cat. Her mind goes to Kurt and his furry and blue form. Not all mutants are equal.

If people think Kitty is cosplaying...what they would think if they ever see Kurt in his true form? Maybe they would scream in terror...

Would I have screamed?

What´s the difference then between me and Kurt?

She hears the bells rings and looks at her notebook and how she wrote Kurt´s name in a few pages, lately, the blue elf is on her mind a lot-making a permanent house in her thoughts- and Kitty wonders if this is all about the group of mutants, not related to the X-men, who are not-traditionally human, and are getting some fame.

(Sure, no one likes something 100% and even this group is getting some backlash, but, is minion comparing to the positive reactions the population are giving to this group. Prof X is more than pleased even if this group is not linked to the X-men)

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Kurt Wagner is reading about this new group of mutants. People have lots to share about them and are amusing that some people are comparing them to the X-men. The Internet has a debate about the New group and the X-men that is for once amusing to Kurt.

Yes, GreyWolf is a fantastic telepath...who cares if she has insect antennae. She´s a hero and looks, Jean Grey is a red hair and no one is complaining here. I say Let the two telepath mutants date.

Ok, uhm...Scott won´t be happy with this. Kurt thought almost laughing and he can imagine that Jean is either teasing Scott or not happy at all people are shipping her with a stranger.

Ok, look...Cyclops is not a real cyclops...but now we have a real Cyclops! Dude, the possibilities are endless. Do they now have vision 20/20 or more?

And Kurt wonders why Scott pick the name Cyclops as his moniker. In fact, Kurt knows very little about Scott. Only a few basic things the young man shares seldom. He lost his parents at a young age and his brother is missing...

Damn, I know next to nothing about Scott and I´m here almost a year. Kurt then vows to know Scott a bit more at least to know why he picks the name Cyclops for himself.

Dude, my dude...they have a good looking teleport!

Yeah...but, he looks a bit strange.

No, he is hot. You´re just blind.

Are you saying you would fuck a teleporter like that?

Yes!

Kurt feels his stomach drop at this insinuation and wonders if they know about Nightcrawler. Well, the X-men have shown up in the media a few times (Jean was wearing her silly mask at those times) but he never searches to see what people thought of his looks.

Dude, Mardoc is a sexy teleporter. Name one teleporter who is sexier than him?

Nightcrawler. Bitch

"What?" Kurt jump out of his seat and his tail is exposed, luckily for him, no one was there or no one was paying attention and is easy to hide his tail without any prying eyes. Rogue arrives as she has a sixth sense where   Kurt is concerned...everyone just labels as "big sister sense" and well, Rogue can´t deny.

"What´s up? Watching hentai online?" Rogue asked joking and Kurt frowns at her. Kurt does not watch porn online...and if he did, which he would never admit, he wouldn´t watch one about tentacle sex. Again, Kurt never watched hentai in his entire life and he wants to remain with this image very much.

"No, I was ...did you know there´s a new group of mutants?" Kurt asked and Rogue just nods as if this is not a big deal. "Well, some people are really thirsty, yes Bobby taught me this expression, about this teleporter Mardoc..." and show the image of the Mardoc to Rogue who seems to see the big picture but let Kurt continues.

"I mean, they think Mardoc is hot? Not that he´s a demon from hell? When that happened...oh, now they think Nightcrawler is hotter and " Kurt swallows his own saliva for a moment. "Should I be happy about that?"

"Kurt, do you there are people who drawn anthropomorphic creatures to fuck them? In France, a dude makes a cactus sexy" and Kurt does not see the point of this and has now a bad impression of France. "My point is, people´s taste change...yes, there will be people who will want to date or even sleep with Nightcrawler, but, here is where you must ask yourself...do I want people to be with me because of my looks or for what am I?"

"That´s very wise, Rogue" and he asks. "Is like that between you and Remy?"

"We have our issues, Kurt, but none of them is related to this. I fear to hurt him and he fears I´ll leave him. We feel fear but try to pretend its not there"

"That does not seem healthy"

"It isn´t..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Amanda knows very well that she can´t just go at Kitty and say wonderful things about Lance to prompts her to stay with him, for once, Amanda is a good actress but not that good and second, Kitty is not that dumb to believe Amanda now wants to be her friend...which leads to her plan B.

Kitty is walking by to the school corridor with her only book when she hears some people talking about Lance Alvers. Those girls have nothing to do with Amanda and her crew.

"Yeah, from what I heard...Lance kicked out of his house because of his mutation so the Brotherhood is the only house he truly has" the first girl speaks as if confessing something. "Pietro too, but, his story seems to be more tragic"

"What about Lance?" Kitty asked and the girls' exchange looks for a moment and the second girl replied still as if sharing a secret.

"Well, Lance has no one in this world outside the Brotherhood...I heard that Melinda saw him crying in the classroom this morning"

Kitty had no clue Lance´s life was like that.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Once Kitty is out of the view, and away from the school, the two girls give a quick call to Amanda Stefson to have a nice chat about one of their many errands.

"Amanda, we did what you ask...better keep your ending of the deal!" the girls are sisters and judging by their tone...they´re are negotiators type of people.

"Ok, ok. I´ll make, don´t worry. Did Kitty believe it?"

One of them rolls her eyes. "Please, we´re good actress, Amanda, we share a very sobbing story about Lance and Kitty was almost at tears, didn´t even ask if this was real or not...why it matters to you if she stays with Lance or not?"

"It does not concern any of you, tomorrow I´ll pay my ending and we´ll continue as if nothing happened"

"Good. Night you two"

"Night"

[transsexualhamlet]

throwback to middle school when one time i just put on my cosplay elf ears and wore them to school the whole day

but it was middle school so like the reactions i got to it

-even more Looks than usual

-some kid going “are those real???” and i’m like “lmao yeah”

-*literally just walks up to me and rips the ears off, pulling like three layers of skin with* “OH SO THEY ARE FAKE” “YEAH BRO FUCK OFF YOU SEE ME IN SCHOOL EVERY DAY I’M PRETTY SURE”

middle schoolers gotta hate em

[mango-dolphin]

taako taaco cosplay ideas

pointy wizard hat, bigger the better

acquire sister jail at umbrella dept in your local walmart. it doesn’t have to be a red umbrella, if anything make it rainbow or that frog umbrella. (optional: acquire the frog boots with the frog umbrella)

not optional: fill inside of umbrella with glitter, seal it tight, but not too tight, so glitter will follow your tracks when you’re cruisin’ for a bruisin.

to mimic taako’s arcane cosmetics, go extremely overboard on make-up with an emphasis on glitter and highlights. but don’t look like a clown that you’d throw cheese at in the town square.

nails better be glittery af too, toenails & fingernails

can’t afford fake elf ears? use paper towel tubes. poke holes in them so you can add earrings. if anything, avoid those fake elf ears. paper towel tubes are the way to go, even add more on the ends. it’s more realistic that way.

put on every piece of jewelry in your possession. if you can't put on a necklace, put it on your wizard hat.  can’t put on a ring? tough luck, bud.

eight-inch heels, or crocs. no in-betweens. they have to be glittery, or you aren’t a true wizard. (substitution: the frog boots w/frog umbrella, or cowboy boots. neither have to be sparkly, but adding glitter would be encouraged)

bell-bottomed pants, or leggings with sequins. add glitter.

not a substitution but a mandatory addition: floor-length skirt, or glittery as fuck skirt. both, if possible.

just add more glitter you fucking cowards

shirt that says “TAAKO FROM TV” on it. if it’s not decked with sequins, you are a coward. (substitution: black shirt with the “Hi, I’m ___” on it, but write “Taako from TV” in ugly cursive and with glitter pen. black shirt must be glittery as fuck)

a bathrobe (or rain jacket) with large pockets. fill pockets with unopened pudding cups (this is mandatory). with the rain jacket, dump the pudding inside if you are courageous.

a minimum of twelve (12) ponchos/robes, they do not have to be glittery. cheaper the better. comfier the bester. if they have pockets, add unopened pudding cups into them.

a cape, the inside preferably glittery or shiny.

carry around a gaudy purse or two. one should contain nothing but a pile of water bottles filled with key-lime gogurt (offer this as water to those who are thirsty). the second should contain your essentials (make-up, giant cookbook) and a shitton of glitter, in case you run out. also, more pudding.

if you carry only one purse, all contents listed must go inside. no spoons are allowed inside your purses.

this is the most important part— add a pocket inside your wizard hat. inside, a spoon to eat your pudding with. do not let anyone see you get your pudding spoon. there should only be one pudding spoon, and it is for yourself.