#The Proof of My Innocence
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The Proof of My Innocence by Jonathan Coe
This tricksy caper ranges from 1980s Cambridge to the rise and fall of Liz Truss with entertaining results
Well, it worked for Richard Osman. Twenty-three-year-old Phyl, stuck in her parents’ house with an English degree and a zero-hours job in a sushi chain, is wondering how hard it could be to write a cosy crime novel. “Death in a Thatched Cottage? The Beach Hut Murders? The Flapjack Poisonings?” As another character points out, it’s bizarre that violent homicide has been rebranded as “cosy”. “It’s very British, in some indefinable way.”
Jonathan Coe, the laureate of Britishness, sets his 15th novel against a particularly wobbly period of national history: the short-lived ascendancy of Liz Truss and the death of the Queen in autumn 2022. It is indeed a happily playful and nicely satisfying slice of cosy crime, scattered with clues and red herrings, locked‑room mysteries, teetering cliffhangers and stagily withheld information. Before she is shocked out of her apathy by a sudden death, Phyl also considers trying her hand at the genres of dark academia and autofiction, and accordingly one section of the book is a memoir of mysterious goings-on in a Cambridge college in the 1980s, and another a report in real time of a search for a rare book, with two narrators who can’t agree on whether to use the present or the past tense (“fake and embarrassing”).
There’s a lot going on, and Coe marshals it all with ingenious ease. As ever, the real target – the savagery behind the cosiness – is the amoral individualism and free-market greed of those with power and privilege, first excoriated in 1994’s What a Carve Up! Here, rightwingers gather at a country house hotel for the TrueCon conference, delighting in the elevation of Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng. Alongside the culture war comedy of speeches such as “Britain’s Real Pandemic: The Woke Mind-Virus” is the serious business: big money jostling to get in on the carving up of the NHS.
Blogger Christopher Swann, a friend of Phyl’s mother from their Cambridge days, has been investigating the incursion of the far right into the political centre for decades, only to be dismissed as a paranoid fantasist: officially, the plans are never to privatise the NHS, only to “streamline” it. As we see in the memoir of another Cambridge friend, describing his culture shock on arriving there as a northern state school kid, these covert networks of power have been spreading since the days of Thatcher and Reagan.
The political mystery – is there a smoking gun that will reveal a plot to destroy the NHS – plays second fiddle to a literary one: the fate of an obscure writer from the 1980s. Peter Cockerill was that extremely rare phenomenon, a rightwing novelist, furious to be punished for his politics with exclusion from the glamorous gang of Rushdie, Amis, McEwan et al. And the solution to the mystery, as the title suggests, rests on a proof (copy) of My Innocence, the book in which he renounced fiction for good.
Coe enjoys himself satirising literary fashions, creative jealousy and the inevitable passing of time, with a bittersweet nostalgia for his own youth, when society was seduced by money, and the books world by Martin Amis’s Money. He gives himself a walk-on part in the Cambridge section as Tommy Cope, an ineffectual English student mainly known for writing incredibly bad poetry who later surprises his peers by achieving “modest success” with the “mildly satirical” Quite the Mash-Up.
Modest, mild: Coe is only too aware of his own understated – even cosy – reputation. His fiction has always ranged gentle, decent souls against headbangers and maniacs, and Phyl is no exception. Amid the literary fun and games, there’s a deeply sad note as she muses on the dog-eat-dog Britain wrought by the events of the last 40 years: “How is someone like me supposed to survive in a world like this? Everything that defines me is unsuited for it. My passivity. My idealism. My innocence. I just don’t have what it takes.” Phyl’s parents, too, are passive and shoulder-shrugging in the face of the political insult of Liz Truss: “Prime ministers come and go,” sighs her dad. The old have run out of energy and indignation; the young feel stuck in hopelessness and inertia, retreating from the world, as Phyl does, under the comfort blanket of endless episodes of Friends: a safe, pre-smartphone universe feeding off “nostalgia for a time before we were born”.
This is the context in which Coe plumbs the disconnect between Truss’s appointment as PM and the general bafflement that greets it, threading her speeches through the narrative along with the infuriating transport announcement “See it. Say it. Sorted”, a grating real-world soundtrack to his metafictional hijinks. His previous novel Bournville caught the national mood during historical highlights from the 1953 coronation to the wedding of Charles and Diana; here there’s a great set piece focusing on mourners filing past the royal coffin: the nation brought together by two of its favourite things, queueing and the Queen.
Another Coe tic is the piece of art, whether film or music, often glimpsed or heard in childhood and ever after treasured, coming to represent something more than mere nostalgia: a secret world behind the world. In Middle England it was the song Adieu to Old England: “One of the most eerie and melancholy English folk tunes ever written,” thinks Benjamin Trotter. Here it’s the “haunting and wistful” ballad Lord Randall, borrowed by Bob Dylan for the structure of A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall, which raises goose bumps in all who hear it and is more deeply embedded in a central character than ever before.
Coe’s subject may be inertia and nostalgia, but The Proof of My Innocence is full of energy. It’s a madcap caper, a sideways memoir, a tricksy jeu d’esprit that is also a quiet defence of fiction in a post-truth age, and enormous fun to read.
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The proof of my innocence 4.5⭐️
This book was an easy one, not in that it was boring or too simple but in that all the pieces seemed to line up at the end and perfectly fit, it was a very well thought out and made plot with even the change between point of view to a past novel to written entries feeling seamless, the centre portion of the book was the weakest as it lost what was most important to the books success, its satirical reference and for some could be viewed as totally useless and unnecessary but as someone who enjoyed the first person perspective that being from Christopher Swann and enjoyed his and other characters it kept me thoroughly engaged and interested, though in retrospect could have been shortened. Every word of this book felt carefully planned out and necessary, the timing felt perfect and kept the pace of the book at a constant drive, the 49 day PM ship of Liz Truss, it kept the book perfectly signposted and gave the reader an accurate perspective of how long events took which personally I do enjoy. The bounce between the main characters and even the time changing from Cambridge in the 80s to Monaco in 2022 managed to not feel like a lot, which may be a weakness, the characters while mildly different did not exactly have the most different voices and styles, that may have been what kept the book from a 5 star rating. The ending though confusing felt fitting, the crime (which we now know was factional) which was the focal point and real centre of the book was in a way true, though the character was not killed in a gruesome dramatic murder with hidden identities and secret passages the ending hinting that his death was not so clean cut as the reader was led to believe in the epilogue feels neat and a good way to end. Overall it is a very good book which is thoroughly entertaining and could be read a lot quicker than I did and would be a good recommendation to any liberal under 30 who had the horror or living through post Covid 2022 and also is impartial to the genre of crime.
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Jonathan Coe || The Proof of my Innocence
At first I felt Coe’s novel was kind of a repeat of things he had written before: your quintessential British society being commented on in a mildly ironic way. Then I started to realise his novel was definitely more. It could be read on several different levels, all completing each other. Towards the end of the novel I could only concede that Coe had written a novel that, read superficially,…

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#reading is fun#Autofiction#British literature#British Society#British writer#Cosy Crime#Dark Academia#Great Novel#Great reading#Irony#Jonathan Coe#literature#Satire#The Proof of my Innocence#Ultra-right
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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weird ahh dream
so i had a reaaallllyyy weird dream that there was another school shooting with an unknown perpetrator and i was a suspect even though i didn't do it so i had to deactivate all my socials in hopes to look less suspicious and once I arrived at the police station...my parents were so upset with me and said they'd never talk to me again if i did it or had anything to do with it. i waited out in some office area with tons of other suspects. i became friends with one of the suspects and we got cheeseburgers and fries after we were found to be innocent..and no longer suspects in the case.
#one of my proofs of being innocent was that my weak ass arms are too weak to properly hold up and shoot a gun 😭😭#wtf type of dreams are these 💀#I thought it was real too until I woke up#dazed and cconufused#dreamblr#dream#dreams#dream core
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this show is kind of making me have a bit of a gender crisis. if i may be real
#but no matter what i know my name is jack#idk its hard to determine if im nonbinary because im nonbinary or because i despise the roles automatically assigned to me as a woman#but if i try to escape womanhood because i dont identify with its societal role am i affirming the role of women in its current place#yet i know i truly do not belong with 99% of the women that i interact with in real life regardless of their success in acting socially#acceptable as a woman. i feel a rift between me and a cis butch even if she is more traditionally masculine than i am#i do not view myself as a man but as a child before i knew of transgenderism i sobbed whenever anyone reminded me i would go through female#puberty and immediately rejected gender roles as soon as girlhood implied more to me than dancing in a glitter princess dress#do i have the right to attempt an escape from myself or should i fall into agony as my role as woman#simply so i exist as proof that women can be like me?#my deadname is extremely feminine and represents something delicate and pure and innocent.#it has disgusted me since i was a child. i remember being 8 and going by different names to try to escape it. no matter what i know my name#is the true control over myself. i dont know if i can escape the body i was born with but i do know i can destroy the labels i was given#along with it.
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Okay I’m sorry if I missed something but how the hell did Percy know Luke was the traitor when his reason for not arresting Clarisse was perfectly reasonable
#“But Percy’s actually really smart”#Yeah but he’s not a psychic#Like I would’ve trusted Luke fully#“Yeah bro u so right we don’t have any proof let’s go get some and even if it’s not her we can still find out who it actually is#My good innocent bestie!”#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo series#pjo show crit#pjo show spoilers#Like in the books they didn’t know ares was the lightning thief UNTIL the underworld and that’s why they assumed the betrayer was Ares#That’s what made the original betrayal hit so much harder#But nooo we can’t stay faithful to good plotpoints and dramatic stakes we had in the book we’re supposed to be adapting#This episode annoyed me#Some of it was good but the main thing (Luke) just felt weird#It felt like they changed it in the beginning flashbacks to make it more obvious
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brother those gaza gofundme asks are scams they cant verify that the money is actually going to victims and theyre only vetted by other dubious blogs with their own gofundmes
If youre talking about my last ask, I'd rather share a donation ask (vetted by multiple different blogs,) that might possibly be a scam than ignore what could be legitimate pleas of a family going through genocide. Donate at your own risk, but fraudulent fundraisers make up less than one-tenth of 1% of all fundraisers on GoFundMe so i feel comfortable sharing that link on behalf of these people. Thanks for the concern
#if it is a scam and you have proof ill reblog my post and add a warning for others.#but if this is just a baseless assumption then ill keep it up thanks#innocent until proven guilty
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thinking about amor really kills me because. man. He was so full of hope. The most earnest wish to help humanity despite no longer being allowed to connect with it on a deeper level. Denied that direct connection. yet he stills tried his best yk? now do you ever just. Think about how all the attempts to be genuine and helpful went to waste? Forever being perceived as a dangerous individual to society and every time his pleas for help or to at least see if anyone cared were Silenced? The very same people you tried to help are now The Ones to take away your right to be taken seriously as a person. He has been stripped of his own humanity and yet. He was just. Expected to continue working at the corporation like Nothing Ever Happened. After everyone sweeped the whole incident under the rug? Like his struggles were Nothing Of Importance? You Fuckers. Oh i'm Dangerous? Well then i'm about to be Real Fucking Funny alright—
#my son my boy who has been villainized by Everyone no matter how much proof he has that it wasn't Him he was Innocent.#straight up having to Yell and Yell to be taken seriously At All. Like Fuck You i'm trying my best here.#Wait. Hold on. Thinking about amor and Someone Else that belongs to pik. Brb#yomo ocs?!#amor
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Re-rere watching LotR yesterday because why not -
I finally found out what was my obession from a few (lel) months (13) ago with Supreme Leader's crown, I was sure I saw her wearing this :
But I was bamboozled, because during that time, I was also re-re-rewatching LotR, and actually, I had in mind Aragorn's crown .
Now, why the fuck did I thought Supreme Leader wore this, I guess my brain fried.
Also, while I know LotR isn't supposed to be realistic depiction of "european life in the middle ages (european because europe is kind of the same from Spain to the British Islands, trust me I have a degree)", and given how "did y'know feudalism was BaD that's why it was dropped" became the topic of the week, I was thinking a bit about the "feudalism" argument from FE16's fandom.
In LotR, Theoden doesn't really like the Gondor, because when tragedy and disasters befell the Rohan, the Gondor was nowhere to be seen, they didn't help the Lords of Rohan, despite being their suzerain lord.
In turn, in the movies, Denethor feels like Theoden and the Rohan betrayed him, when they didn't come for help, as requested.
Of course everything is well that ends well, but I found it interesting that here, we got the very "basic basics" of "feudalism" written : the vassals assists and supports his suzerain lord, but the suzerain has a duty to protect/help the vassal.
Of course, those are broad and general principles, and more over, they only apply to nobles and not to Bob the peasant, which is a shame when peasants represents 90% of the population at that time.
Back to Fodlan, the uwu feudalism argument is often throw at the Kingdom, because kingdom = middle ages (please don't ask about current monarchies) = feudalism = Evyl, I guess.
But think a second about it.
If Faerghus is supposed to be a feudal state, why the fuck wasn't House Charon terminated on spot when Cassandra, the heir, was accused of regicide? Lonato later mounts an attack on GM - targeting, even indirectly, his own crown prince. Again, why the frick House Gaspard is left intact and wasn't dismantled?
Lonato and Cassandra broke their oath to their suzerain lord and tried to kill them (even if it was bonkers for Cassandra).
And talking about House Charon, even if Catherine's name is eventually cleared, I still find it odd that a great House like Charon wouldn't have some grudge or even a beef at the Crown (Uncle Rufus here!) for basically having thrown away their daughter and heir out from the Kingdom for what was mostly baseless accusations.
Oh, well, morale of the story : I should stop watching LotR movies before going to bed lol
#random thoughts#i wonder why I thought that crown was on Supreme Leader's head#oh well#did you know feudalism BaD#one of my biggest pet peeves with Faerghus' writing is House Charon's situation#and the entire Catherine backstory tbh#who sold her as a conspirator in regicide? Christophe or some randoms?#why the frick didn't Uncle Rufus send people to Rhea's door asking her to return Cassandra bcs she needed to pay for her 'crimes'?#was House Charon thinking Cassandra did it and they joined the hunt or were they desperatly trying to find proofs she was innocent?#meanwhile dimitri is talking about dark mages but no one listens to him :(#FE16
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and it seems to grow more and more. and it makes me question now how much truth is in that amount of people hating this specific section
?
expand on this
i mean like in a way that, it reached a point that at least for me, it became kind of unavoidable the amount of people that hate on dream, no matter how many "not interested" i hit, something always comes up. his situation is sadly a complex one that a person who isnt in the fandom will hardly believe even with all the context.
but its insane how many people dislike him overall, like a lot, even with new interest i developed joining new fandoms new faces new interest when the topic comes up, almost everyone dislikes him (in my personal experience)
i know everything he has done in the past is not something everyone would forgive and specially when then grooming allegation came, the stigma grew even more.
just makes me question overall how much truth is in that hatred, why so many friends turned their back on him... just overall thinking, its sad to see a person go through all of that. even with evidence proving his innocence, its not enough for this amount of disliking
#it just kind of shocked how many people just hate dream and even the justifications make sense in a 'logical' way#but its just so much its ridiculous i cant even escape it#it breaks my heart#kind of a personal story but recently i sprained my leg and while talking with my physiotherapist she told me that her husband just#got falsely accused of being a sex offender and the man got thrown in jail bc in my country if a person has those charges they go to jail#right away. and shes been collecting proof of his innocence and yet is not enough. he'll be free but told me since then. hes scared to hug#his own children due to the stigma it has in jail. even when hes innocence#i understand why theres this stigma but what about the innocent people who have to go through that?
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remember everyone. the allegations are false i am not in fact a tab orin ayo kisser i am innocent of these claims
#🌟: constellations_chatter#🕯// no way in hell i'm putting this in the main tag#🕯// it is a running joke that my friends BULLY ME over this with NO PROOF WHATSOEVER!!#🕯// i am in fact innocent of these claims. just try and prove me wrong /j#🕯// using a characters source material as their last name. although tab kind of technically has a canon last name...#🕯// i dont care tab orin ayo is funny
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its lunch break when nanami receives the mugshots of his 3 year old daughter.
as he was eating the delicious bento you made for him, he saw his phone ping with the special notification sound he set for you. instinctively bringing a smile on his face since he was just thinking about you (when was he not)
he thought you sent him the daily random i love yous you always send or pics of you dressing up you guys' daughter in animal onesies (both of which never fails to fill his heart with warmth and turn him into a mushy mess)
however, the thing he didn't expect was mugshots of his little daughter
and oh it was a mugshot alright, with the monochrome filter, her holding her slate which read 'female, 3"11' and looking adorably guilty. there were total 3 photos taken from different angles too. captioned 'guilty'
the oddity of the.. situation made him laugh. whatever could his 3 year old daughter, who cant go to sleep without her papa tucking her in and who wouldnt stop crying when hurt unless her papa kissed her boo-boo, do to deserve this treatment?
he texted, why are you holding my princess in remand?
shes found guilty of eating the chocolates i planned on adding to the cake for dinner tonight. you replied
he chuckled. do you have any proof? surely, my daughter wouldn't do it.
i have proof! with that, you sent him a picture of a chocolate which had a bite mark of a certain 3 year old
see? your daughter is guilty and will be facing charges soon, unless you bail her out. you replied
he raised his eyebrow. how?
by bringing a new cake from the downtown bakery of course. i also could use some of their other sweet treats :D
he let out a snort. is that so? im starting to think this is all just a plan of yours to bag those sweets by using my princess.
he saw the bubbles going on and off for some time and smirked. he got you there
careful now, i could still imprison her for life. the choice is yours )):<
he huffed. you are impossible, he thought amused
alright, you will get what you want. so i expect my daughter to be released.
scarcely after a minute, he received a selfie of you both smiling innocently as if nothing happened done. we will be waiting! love you<3
he let out another chuckle. you both sure do manage to light up his life. he lovingly smiled at the picture you sent him, eyes full of affection. love you both too❤️
well, looks like he will be paying a visit to the bakery, after all he cant just let his daughter be jailed.
#nanami kento x reader#nanami x reader fluff#nanami x you#nanami x y/n#kento nanami x reader#nanami kento x you#nanami fluff#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#nanami kento x y/n#nanami kento fluff#jjk x reader fluff
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I hate it when someone makes a video trying to expose a piece of pop culture for being evil and then proceeds to show absolutely nothing of consequence as evidence because they feel the need to censor all the bad parts of it even during a rebuttal.
#This is specifically directed at the person who made those videos about a certain very prolific MGA doll line#“Their videos talk about very adult topics and send bad messages to the kids!” Okay… then show the parts of the video you’re talking about?#“It was like— ugh I can’t even talk about it; it’s so disgusting” then why are you making an exposé? We want the DIRT#I’m not disagreeing with them of course… I can’t disagree with any proof I haven’t seen with my own eyes#Why censor a doll on the internet? If some creep gets off to kids chances are they have something worse than dolls to look at#and they’re not gonna go onto a video that repeatedly says “SEXUALIZING KIDS IS BAD!” just to see a baby doll in fishnets#Come on now. If they like those kind of dolls for that reason then they probably have a shitload in their house already#You cannot protect the innocence of a mass-produced anthropomorphic hunk of plastic#Their criticism of “Well why make THAT detailed and realistic when the rest of the doll isn’t” is a good point#“Why market it to children” is another good point#But please please please PLEASE don’t be afraid to actually expose what you want to expose#That just makes it seem like you don’t have much evidence#So present the fucking evidence (if you have any)
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Whenever anyone writes Bruce showing up to school cause one of the kids got in a fight or some other random occurrence there tends to be a quick oh ok and then he takes them into the car to get ice cream.
No Bruce Wayne never in his life has believed his children did anything wrong.
You think his son punched a child?
Do you have it on videotape? Well then it didn't fucking happen.
His children can be guilty as sin, literally killed another child in class. Bruce does not give a fuck his kid is innocent, now once they get in the car that might change depending on the situation.
But damn right he's defending that kid to every single other adult.
It's not just at school. Or over the age of 18.
Superman once made a comment about Jason's kill count after he's big strong and every bit as tall as Bruce.
"Excuse me what proof do you have?"
"Bruce the duffle bag, you told me..."
"I'm sorry maybe, I just misheard what exactly did you imply about my son!"
Bruce is the parent that when the cops come to the door they better have a fucking warrant.
He has a team of attorneys, and a billion dollars fucking try him.
Call him from the police station. He will have badges.
You think the man with more money and power than god is letting someone else hold his children accountable.
"Who the fuck do you think you are Batman?"
#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#bruce wayne#batfam#batfamily#batman#damian wayne#dc#dc comics#good dad Bruce Wayne#Bruce Wayne will put any Karen to shame his little Timmy didn't do shit#you think my kid murdered someone? Sure and I'm fucking Batman
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AU, where Bruce accidentally gets de-aged (physically and mentally), and the first person he bumps in is... Red Hood.
To Jason's defence, he didn't connect the dots at first. He was just patrolling around his usual turf, thinking of nothing in particular, when he saw a small child in a ridiculously serious suit, sulking around Crime Alley. He looks distraught, and considering that he looks rich, it is no surprise - that is not a place for him. So, he is either lost or something happened, right?
He takes the helmet off, as he usually does when he is dealing with kids (they got scared easily) and carefully approaches a brooding baby.
'Hey, shrimp. Where are your parents at?'
That said shrimp turns around, his big blue eyes looking confused and lost, and Jason thinks he looks awfully familiar.
'I am not shrimp,' he protests instantly, pouting at him. 'And they are somewhere... here. We just left the movie theatre together!'
Jason glances at the abandoned movie theatre, back at the little rich boy with a familiar frown, and it clicks. This is his fucking dad. Suddenly, a kid - but it is fucking Bruce Wayne, for sure.
'Was watching Zorro by any chance?' Jason still asks, just to be sure that he is not going insane.
Bruce - and it must be him - beams at him.
'Yes! This is a great movie, by the way.'
Oh, hell. At least, he didn't witness his parents' death just yet. Jason wasn't sure he would be able to deal with his father being so small, and mourning his mom and dad. He would probably cry himself at some point.
'Hey,' Jason calls out for him slowly, squatting down; God, who would've thought that this little shrimp would become so tall and big in the future. 'Aren't you... You must be Thomas's kid, right?'
Okay, yeah, Jason is going to lie to this kid. Because there is no way he manages just to steal Bruce as a stranger to bring him back home; it is still a kid, even if it is his father. Right?
'You know my dad?' Bruce tilts his head, little fingers tugging on the hem of his jacket; suspicious.
'You could say that,' Jason nods. 'Alfie... I mean, Alfred called me. Asked me to pick up a kid, since Thomas and Martha got an urgent call.'
Fuck his life and stupid life choices. What the hell he was even doing? He looked like a mugger; or like a psycho. But Alfred was his best bet - he could call him, after all; ask, well, support his idiotic made-up story.
'No one calls Alfred Alfie but my dad,' Bruce pouts in a very, very spoiled manner.
'Well... I do. We served together in the army,' he blurts out.
His armour, apparently, is enough a proof for the kid to nod slowly.
'Okay. But you gotta take off your strange mask first,' Bruce folds arms on his chest.
...???
Did this kid just agree for an unknown man to take him home? Like this? Who could've thought that this pouty child would become the most paranoid man alive in the future?
'Uh, why?'
'So I can remember your face and do an identikit, if you turn out to be a bad guy,' Bruce smirks stupidly. 'Duh.'
Jason is going to cry. This kid is so cute.
'Yeah, duh,' Jason huffs, but despite his better judgment takes the domino mask off as well. 'Go on, take your time. My identikit should be the prettiest, shrimp.'
Bruce... gawks at him. His eyes are comically wide now, mouth open, and then, he jumps a little closer to him - oh, God, he is jumping when excited? - putting his hellishly cold hands on Jason's cheeks.
'Woah. You look like dad.'
'Uh,' Jason nods awkwardly, and because he is an idiot, adds a joke: 'We are brothers, actually. Just don't talk much.'
...Apparently, little Bruce can't take jokes. Because he lets out an adorable gasp, and throws himself on Jason as if they knew each other for ages now.
'Uncle? That's so cool. You look like Zorro!'
Damn this little kid, and this stupid family. Damn Joe Chill and the night he killed this kid's parents. Damn it all. Bruce might be an asshole sometimes, but he was so... cute and innocent.
'Thanks, shrimp,' Jason slides a domino mask back on, picks up little Bruce with one arm, and grips a helmet with another. 'Come on, let's go home. Alfred will make your favourite tiramisu.'
'You know my favourites?!'
Jason sniffles.
'Yeah. Yeah, I do, kid.'
If he gets so emotional over this kid, he has no idea how worse Dick is going to be once he finds out.
Oh, this is going to be one hell of a night.
#batmobile conventionally appears to be somewhere close so Jason uses it to get lil Bruce back#Bruce is Buzzing with excitment this car is so cool#also Bruce “I get stolen for ransom everytime and then so I just chill most of the time” Wayne#*narrator's voice*: Dick in fact was sobbing when he saw little B#Alfred sniffled a few time#everyone was amused by Jason uncle story so they just kept teasing him about it#little B unironically thought his uncle was cool though#normal-sized Bruce and Jason stared awkwardly at each other afterwords#something about Jason reminding and acting like Thomas Wayne a lil...#jason todd#red hood#dcu comics#dc universe#dcu#batman#bruce wayne#batfamily#batfam
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