#The issue is just figuring out how to move my stuff

[nymphrasis]

Today has not been a good day, tbh.

I managed to get one art made but then irl decided to just make me feel miserable. So I haven't been feeling the greatest.

I do appreciate my partner being here in voice chat to keep comfort.

[playingplayer2]

The ship of my dreams comes at the lowlow (fucking huge amount of money) cost of 1.4 million dollars rounded up and the house of my dreams at the highasf (I won't see that much in my LIFE) cost of 65 million

[watery-melon-baller]

every time i do my physics homework I put on super Mario 64 dire dire docks theme (extended 30 minutes) in the hopes that eventually i can pavolv myself into immediately switching into physics mode whenever I hear the music. and also because its a bop

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt the second dream story featuring a third dream story I can't remember if I ever talked abt. I <3 body horror bonus points if its slow and agonizing

[that-dreaded-wolf]

.x

[floral-hex]

health whining

Dilemma: breathing trouble. Still. For weeks. Another bad night where I’m afraid to go to sleep.

Options, if I go somewhere:

ER. No copay. Can go right now. Will most definitely feel shitty for presumably wasting their time and will probably be told to see ENT (ENT appointment in almost 2 weeks but issue is affecting me NOW).

Urgent care. There is a copay. I’ll have to wait 2 more hours. If equipment is needed (I dunno, endoscopy scopes. Who knows), they most definitely won’t have it. Will also probably tell me to go see ENT.

[cerbreus]

i don't know how to explain to my doctor that the fact that it is so goddamn hard and annoying to get my prescriptions refilled is part of the issue for managing my adhd. it's never easy! it can never be easy!

[hypewinter]

Hear me out! Danny finds his human form slowly getting more eldrich as he gets older (and more powerful) and ends up going to Gotham where people are way less likely to ask questions!

Sadly when the people of Gotham see Danny, oops my shadow has eyes now, Fenton they just assume he's gonna be a new Rouge!

Que the bat fam watching Danny waiting for him to make his move, over-analyzing everything he does. Mans can't even buy a new laptop without Bruce breathing down his neck about it

This would be an issue if Danny wasn't such a little troll, and he starts buying more obviously ominous things only to openly use them in improperly boring and normal ways. Like buys a death lazer and can be seen using it to make toast, buys a cursed box full of death themed artifacts and uses it as a coffee table, that kinda stuff.

Every time the bat's assume 'this is it!' And gets ready to take him down, only to see Danny setting up a new 'coat rack' made of kriptonite

Even better when they see him tinkering on some kind of doomsday device, the kind that looks super evil and dangerous and even has a red count down timer on the front and- it's a fucking air frier again! He already has three! Why does he keep making air friers?! Obviously this must be some kind of scheme

I raise you: Danny starts selling his things out to random citizens (they've all been intensely screened). The bats panic thinking this is an attempt to cripple Gotham in one fell swoop. Nope. Ms. Randall just really needed a new air purifier and Danny had a toxin dispenser that was just collecting dust.

I imagine though that he might start to notice that the bats are focusing on him a little too much which is a problem considering there are things going down in Gotham that actually need their attention. But at the same time, our resident ghost boy isn't ready to stop being a menace just yet. So what does he do? Kill too birds with one stone.

Whenever Danny catches wind of a new plot going down, he does something to draw the bats's attention to it. Two Face planning a robbery? Suddenly Danny is showing up to the bank everyday to work on the vault (he offered to reinforce it for free). The bats get so suspicious they focus hard on the bank and discover Two Face's plot before he can do anything.

The bats pat themselves on the back while Danny giggles in the background. Wonder how long it will take for them to figure out what's going on.

[rafeslittlepup]

How did sexist!rafe and reader meet?

AHHHH i love this ask because i have a whole timeline for them in my head!! <33

rafe and !reader have known each other since reader was 4-5 and rafe 7-8, both of their families are very wealthy and move in the same figure eight circles. think yacht club barbecues, charity events, garden parties. reader adores rafe from the moment she sees him. little reader in her smocked dresses and tiny sandals chasing him around at family barbecues like "wafe! wafe!” with sticky fingers and a cupcake in hand :( rafe thinks she’s annoying but in the way boys his age think. there’s a running joke at parties, “careful rafe, she’s gonna marry you one day!”

when rafe turns 15-16 and reader is 11-13, they drift apart a bit. rafe’s getting into teen boy stuff (starting to become a menace) while she’s still just a tiny pink bow with no clue. at family events, he starts getting weirdly protective over her for no reason??? but she’s still obsessed with ponies and hello kitty.

rafe aged 18-20 is fully spiraling into drugs, anger issues territory… meanwhile reader aged 15-17 is growing up into the exact kind of girl rafe cannot handle seeing other guys look at. pink skirts, lip gloss, always batting her lashes.

she’s at the yacht club pool parties now, wearing those frilly bikinis, and rafe is noticing. in a way that makes him feel sick and furious and possessive all at once. he starts lurking around her at events again. calling her "kid" even though she's literally only a few years younger.

and it all happens messy and fast. after some party, she's drunk and lost her friends, and rafe finds her. he drives her home, lecturing her about "trusting the wrong people" and how "nobody would take care of her like he would."

and somewhere in that heated, possessive rant, he kisses her. she’s dizzy and flustered but she wants it so bad she almost cries…

months later, she is fully “his girl”. he picks out her outfits. she rides around the island in his truck with his hand permanently resting on her thigh. he is obsessed with molding her into the perfect little doll, matcha mornings, pilates, diamonds and not a single thought in her brain. they’re basically engaged without ever talking about it.

last year of college, when rafe’s bored of playing house, he fully leans into the "start a family now" arc… tells her it's time to "make it permanent." soooo… wife era, she’s 20-21 but couldn’t be more happy with his mean awful sexy husband

[plaguedarts]

THE DOODLVERSE!

So this is basically just a collection of my personal designs/headcanons for the digital circus main cast :]

+ More headcanon info under Read More & a little life update at the end!

Okay headcanon info dump lets go!!!

Pomni: The circus's newest and squeakiest jester. She's incredibly good with numbers because her special interest is math. She's been diagnosed with Autism since she was young, but pursued an ADHD diagnosis as an adult. (Headcanon based on @bluepandadraws-log's comics). She's pansexual but doesn't really like to tell people about it unless they're close. Her tail seems to move of its own accord, and Pomni has very little control of it.

Ragatha: A dolly that's a lot tougher than she looks, with a complex for taking care of everybody except herself. Ragatha has many unaddressed "issues" that make her see herself as damaged and too far gone to be saved. She's never sought a diagnosis or therapy for any of it while she was still in the real world, so she isn't even aware that she shows symptoms of OCD. (Headcanon based on ‪@fridgevespidae comics). She's adapted to life at the circus but is by no means comfortable in it. Jax and Ragatha dated in the early days, but Ragatha wasn't all that attached to the relationship. She cared about Jax and still cares about him, but she just didn't LOVE him. She still isn't really sure if she likes guys, but liking girls is something she isn't ready to address yet.

Jax: A rabbitoid who entertains himself by any means possible (usually involving cartoonish violence). Despite how jerky he can be, deep down he cares about everyone else in the circus, especially Ragatha in particular. He's still not over his feelings for her even after all this time, and he's not sure how to cope with them. He's not sure how to cope with most things really. He definitely projects his own insecurities onto people, and he's got a fear of being alone with his thoughts. Can't be with people, can't be alone.

Kinger: The eldest of the group, a king piece who's largely lost his mind. He walks around with a hunch, yet his character model is still the tallest! He has a pet caterpillar toy named "Bug," and it's always crawling around somewhere on him. He may not always be of sound mind, but he only means well.

Gangle: A sweetheart with a mask as fragile as her feelings. Gangle remembers the anime shows she grew up watching more than her own life. She knew very early on that she was different from most people, and thought she had herself mostly figured out until she started questioning her gender identity and sexuality, not to mention being diagnosed with autism as an adult. She likes the label "pansexual," but still doesn't have a solid answer on her gender. For now, they call themselves a "demigirl." Zooble and Gangle are greatly able to relate to each other's struggles, making their bond even stronger. Gangle also has full control over her ribbon tail, often using it as a second appendage.

Zooble: Our local amalgamation of parts that really really doesn't want to be here! Zooble has tried to make the best out of their new body, but can't still can't find something that just feels like THEM. Though certain parts like the fox tail and cat leg seem to put them a bit more at ease. Without Gangle, they might have already gone insane. She's the only one that Zooble truly trusts. (Zooble is also in love with Gangle but in complete denial over it).

Okay now for the life update!

Soooooo I've been gone for quite a bit, and some of you might be curious as to why. I'm still alive as I can be, rest assured. I was just busy focusing on college since this was my final semester leading up to my graduation! It sucked and it burnt me out but I MADE IT!!!

I'm taking these next couple weeks to be lazy, but now I can focus a lot more on my art and stuff!

If you read this far give me a "🐛" because bugs are cool

[uss-butterscotch]

It’s Tuesday you know what that meanssss

Part three of my Eddie tries to solve whatever mystery the freshmen and steve are hiding (another between seasons 3&4 fic)

Part 1 Part 2

-

Eddie dropped down next to Gareth on the couch in Jeff’s parents’ garage. Usually when they were all out here together, they’d be practicing, since this was where the drum kit was. Today however, they had agreed to meet up after their most recent Hellfire meeting.

“Okay so, are we gonna talk about it?” Gareth asked, gaze locked on Eddie.

“I mean, I’m not even 100% sure what most of it was.” Eddie said.

“How ‘bout you start from the bathroom.” Jeff offered.

So Eddie started explaining finding Harrington in the bathroom, something clearly wrong. How he figured if anyone knew what was going on it might be Henderson, and he was right.

“Yeah, after you guys left, we tried to ask Mike what it was all about and he said Dustin was the only one who really knew any details, he just knew that Harrington had been having issues with headaches and stuff.” Grant supplied.

“One hell of a headache.” Eddie said, shaking his head. “I mean, the guy was on the floor, he could barely form coherent sentences until Mike and Dustin started having it out in the hallway.”

“Yeah, what was that all about?” Gareth pressed.

Eddie shrugged. “To be honest it was kind of hard for me to follow. Every time they said anything I felt like I was missing half of the story.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “But what I did hear confirmed something i’ve been suspicious about for a while.”

“What?” Jeff quirked an eyebrow at him.

“They’re hiding something. All three of them and Harrington.” He looked to his friends’ faces to see their reaction. Most of them looked curious.

“Have you noticed, when they talk about certain things, they start to say something, then stop and change what they were going to say?” He asked.

Gareth was nodding. “Yeah, and none of them will give a straight answer on how exactly Henderson got so close with Harrington.”

“And,” Eddie said, just remembering another detail, “Wheeler said something like ‘we would have died in the tunnels without him.’ What fucking tunnels?”

He received a round of shrugs and head shakes in response.

Eddie leaned back in his seat, bringing his fingertips together like he was a villain in some shitty action movie. “Boys, I believe we find ourselves with a puzzle of our own to solve.”

Eddie figured Henderson would be the easiest to crack, with his inability to shut up about things he knew a lot about. Sinclair was far too good at deflecting and brushing things off, and nobody was willing to try to break through Wheeler’s attitude.

After about two weeks of trying to pry any details he could from Dustin, he had an epiphany. It came to him as he drove past Family Video, Harrington’s beemer sitting in the parking lot, and the man himself visible through the window reshelving an armful of tapes.

He could just ask Harrington.

As soon as he had the thought he physically recoiled. What had happened to him in just a few short weeks that a thought like that almost seemed not insane? He couldn’t just talk to the former Basket Ball Team Captain, Keg King, Prom King, Steve Harrington. It was just too weird. And Eddie was comfortable with weird but this was like, against the laws of nature territory.

Then he had a second epiphany. As he sat at the red light, he watched Harrington start walking toward the next aisle over, looking behind himself at something, and clip his shoulder on on the corner of the shelf, sending his neatly stacked movies tumbling to the ground. As the light turned green, he saw the answer to his problem step into view and help Harrington pick up the tapes and he began formulating his plan.

~

In a move worthy of every self respecting John Hughes movie, Eddie positioned himself perfectly and silently behind the open door of Robin Buckley’s locker so that when she slammed it shut, she was met with his mischievous smirk.

She let out a short yelp of surprise, then punched him, not so gently in the shoulder. “What the hell, Munson?”

“Firstly: Ow,” he started, rubbing the spot he could already feel a bruise forming, “Secondly: has Harrington’s penchant for getting into fistfights rubbed off on you so easily, my dear Lady?”

She scoffed. “Ok firstly,” she said mockingly, “keep calling me ‘Lady’ and I’ll do a lot more than punch you in your stupid vest-“

Eddie made a sound of offense at the insult to his beloved battle vest, but Robin kept going.

“And second: Steve’s only gotten into one fist fight on purpose. By your logic, I could say you have a penchant for repeating senior year.”

“Low blow. You know, I’m almost too hurt to even do what I came here to do.” Eddie brought the back of his hand to his forehead, miming fainting.

Robin hummed in faux consideration. “Did it maybe occur to you that was my goal?”

Eddie gasped, overdramatic as always. “Oh, Buckley, don’t tell me the evil King Steve has turned you against your fellow freak!”

Robin rolled her eyes. “Steve is not evil,” she said, slinging her bag over her shoulder, “and if I don’t get to work before 3:00, he’s going to pick the movie playing on every tv in the store, and it’s gonna be that stupid star wars movie and if I have to see those alien teddy bears one more time I’m gonna gouge out my eyes with quarters.”

Eddie winced at the mental image that painted and jogged a little to keep up with her brisk pace toward the front doors. Robin pushed through them harshly and continued out into the waning sunshine of early fall.

Without turning back to face him, she asked, “And what’s your deal with Steve anyway, why do you keep bringing him up?”

Eddie, having finally caught up to her, only a little out of breath said, “Let me give you a ride, there’s something I need to pick your brain about.”

This, mercifully, made Robin pause. “If this is about whether or not Steve and I are dating, or sleeping together, or whatever, it’s a big fat ‘no’.”

Eddie shook his head. “Do you really think I’d stoop to the low of common high school gossip?”

Her eyes roamed over him, seemingly trying to sus out his ulterior motives, weighing them against the effort of walking all the way downtown.

Finally, she let out an exasperated groan. “Fine, but if any of your questions piss me off we ride the rest of the way in silence.”

Eddie agreed to her terms and led her across the parking lot to his van. Once they were settled in the front seat, Eddie practically flew out of the parking lot.

“Well, Munson,” Robin said through gritted teeth, knuckles white as she held the handle above the door, “what do you want to know?”

“Ok, most importantly, how do Henderson and Harrington even know each other, outside of, I guess, Dustin being friends with Wheeler and Harrington dating Wheeler’s sister?”

She pointed an accusatory finger at him. “Aha! So this is about Steve! What’s your deal with him?”

Eddie held up a hand. “It’s not just about Harrington. It’s about how my newest lost sheep are keeping secrets and he seems to be at the center of them.”

Robin crossed her arms and sunk into her chair without responding.

Eddie glanced at her from the corner of his eye. “Oh come on, Buckley, you really don’t think it’s weird that the head asshole of the school just suddenly starts hanging out with a bunch of middle school dweebs? One of whom, might I add, is his ex-girlfriend’s little brother?”

“Head asshole, two years ago,” Robin jabbed back, “You’re telling me you didn’t notice when he lost all his friends and only hung out with his ex and the guy she left him for? How Billy terrorized him just as much, if not more, than he and Tommy ever did to anyone else? Sure they were assholes and a general nuisance, but Steve never held someone down and punched them until they blacked out.”

When Eddie couldn’t come up with an answer quick enough, Robin barreled on. “You’re so intent on putting people you don’t like in little boxes so you can step on them like the lunch trays you’re always destroying,” she glared at him, now clearly genuinely angry instead of just playfully annoyed, “you of all people should know that sometimes there’s more to people than what you might assume just by looking at them.”

They were stopped at the same light that Eddie had had his original epiphany at and Robin seemed to deem the car ride over. Before Eddie could even process her words fully, she had slid out of the passenger seat and slammed the door as she marched toward the Family Video parking lot. Even after the light turned green, Eddie found himself watching Robin storm into the store, catching a glimpse of the man in question meeting her at the door and placing a soothing hand on her shoulder. When Harrington looked out the glass door and saw him, still idling in his van, Eddie punched the gas all the way to Jeff’s house.

Part 4

[insomniadreamzz]

Hey, how are you? I wanted to request G!P Jinx x Reader. Imagine that the reader is Jinx's girlfriend and they have unprotected sex and then Jinx gets the reader pregnant? Something like the reader being afraid to tell Jinx and she freaks out about it and stuff like that… Could there also be smut at the end and fluff too? Please, I've never seen that around here 😮‍💨

Helloo! Thank you I am perfectly fine. Today is my birthday and I am actually busy but I LOVE this request so I had to write it down today 👀

———

My everything

G!P Jinx x Fem!Reader

Smut, mentions of pregnancy, fluff

The last days you felt kinda off, your emotions were like a rollercoaster and you got more sensitive. Jinx realised this too, making her feel a little worried about you. Since she had mental issues herself, she always questioned if she did something wrong, making the situation between you both get a little more complicated.

„Is everything okay my love? It’s your third plate of food today. I don’t mind it at all but…I am worried if something is bothering you. You know you can tell me anything right? You do trust me do you?“ Jinx asked as you were about to finish your food, your gaze moving up to look at her, a little smile on your face. „Of course I do trust you. You are my girlfriend after all. I just feel more hungry than usual these days, nothing to worry about.“ You tried to reassure her but she felt something was still off.

The next days your behavior went on, you also felt nauseous out of nowhere which made you realise that you might be pregnant. Last time you and Jinx got intimate you didn’t use protection which was a little silly of both of you but to be honest you didn’t really realise she would get you pregnant that fast. Whatever…if it was true and you carried her child, how to tell her? You suddenly worried about her reaction, close to panic but before your mind will make you freak out you decided to make a test first and then you will have to figure something out.

Thankfully Jinx wasn’t in her hideout today, she went out to probably blow something up again. You always had to worry about her when she wasn’t around but right now you were glad she wasn’t home so you could do the test without her knowing and just how you thought, it was positive. „Fuck…“ You cursed under your breath, feeling a little overwhelmed. Of course you were happy since having a family with your girlfriend was your biggest dream. But so sudden? It just made you think about a lot of stuff like are you even ready for it? Is Jinx ready for it? Will she be happy? Or will she be upset? You didn’t know since you never talked about that topic before.

One thing was clear. You had to tell her. Jinx already blamed herself for not treating you right anymore to explain your behavior. You noticed her anxiety getting worse these days but now you had a valid explanation for your latest behavior. Maybe that would calm her down and stop blaming herself?

There was not much time of thinking about how to explain to Jinx as you heard her walking into the hideout, a happy smile on her face as she catched your sight, you quickly hiding the test behind your back, wishing you already removed it and didn’t stare at it all the time while having a little discussion with your own mind about the result. „Hey toots!!“ She said with her usual wuirky behaviour you loved so much but she did notice you hid something behind your back. „What ya hiding there?“ She asked and you began to blush deeply, not being able to find the right words or to speak at all. „I-…“ You started but she cut you off by snatching it out of your hand. Why did you hide it anyways? You knew Jinx was too fast for you to even react when she tried to get it out your hands.

Her eyes widened when she saw what you were hiding, not knowing how to react. You bit down on your own lower lip, feeling nervous, scared she would be upset. „You are…“ She started, looking into your eyes with a soft gaze, you only nod in response which was enough for the blue haired girl to freak out but in a positive way. „Oh my god! My girl is pregnant!“ She squealed, being all jumpy and giggly, talking to herself about all the things she wants to do and build as she paced around the hideout before she stopped right in front of you, placing a lot of soft kisses on your lips. „I love you so much!“ She said in between the kisses before pulling back to look into your eyes again, you felt so relieved. „Jinx…are you happy?“ You asked just in case as if her reaction wasn’t enough. „Are you kidding me?! I am! I am the happiest my love!“ She reassured you, taking your hands in hers as she gently rubbed them with her thumbs. „I-I know I am chaotic and I know the things I do are weird and dangerous, making me question if I can do this right but…but I want it! I wanna take care of you both and make sure you will always feel loved.“

Her words made you feel so soft. You didn’t expect her to be this passionate about that topic but you loved it. You loved her. Her eyes got a little watery, the more she realised it, the more emotional she got. „I-I thought I did something wrong. I thought you stopped loving me but…but the real reason you behaved like this…it’s such a beautiful reason.“ Jinx voice was very soft and a little shaky as she let tears of happiness run down her cheeks and so did you. You couldn’t hold back your own emotions anymore as well, feeling so happy as well that she wasn’t upset about it. „I could never stop loving you…how could you even think that?“ You asked but in return she just kissed you again, this time more deeper and passionately as she made you lay down on your back. Right now she just wanted to feel you and give you her love, her tongue moving inside your mouth, making you gasp softly in return.

Both of you felt aroused by the deep kissing, your hormones being all over the place made you feel hornier than usual so it was obvious you wanted her and you showed it as your hands gently pulled on her pants, making her smirk into the kiss. „Heh…you want me don’t you?“ She hummed and you nodded. „Yes…yes please I need you.“ You almost beg for her to fuck you and of course she won’t deny you.

It didn’t took you long to be all over each other again, her marking your body with kisses and little gentle bites while her cock moved inside of you, her pace being slower than usual, making you chuckle a little. She must do that on purpose which was cute. „Hnn…you know you can go faster do you?“ She looked down at you with a soft gaze, you knew she didn’t want to do anything wrong but you reassured her. Jinx behavior was just so sweet. „Ah…yes I know of course.“ She said but you knew she was being careful now because she knew you were pregnant. After your reassurance she thrusted faster inside of you as she held your hips gently, going deeper as usual, losing herself into the pleasure just like you. Both of you being a moaning mess. „Fuck…I am close…“ She moaned out and you kept her close to you by wrapping your legs around her waist, making sure she won’t pull out. „M-me too…cum inside me please.“ You whined, her hips didn’t stop moving, moaning out loudly when she came and at the same time you reached your orgasm as well, feeling her fill you up with her cum, making both of you feel so good.

Both of you panted softly, her leaning down to kiss you again so lovingly. „You make me the happiest…“ She whispered. „And you make me the happiest.“ You answered with a soft smile, caressing her cheek as you both looked into each others eyes with so much love.

(Fluff bonus)

„Hey that tickles!“ You giggle softly as Jinx painted little hearts and other little cute stuff on your baby bump. „What? You’re my beautiful canvas.“ She teased by sticking her tongue out, a giggle leaving her own lips. She just loved doing these sweet little things with you.

„Who knows maybe our little one will be as creative as you?“ You mentioned, making Jinx smile more. „Maybe who knows?“ She answered before leaning down to place a kiss on your tummy and then nuzzling close to it. „I love both of you so so much you don’t even know…“ Her words so soft, almost like a whisper as she stayed close to you. „And we love you. Always and forever.“ You gently caressed her beautiful blue hair, making her smile as she closed her eyes and eventually feeling your little one kicking for the first time.

[lavilavs]

୨୧ ── Mask of the man you loved

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Fem!Reader x Jason Todd

Scenario: What was supposed to be a peaceful family dinner turns into a place where the past resurfaces. Dick wanted you to move on, but not with his brother. Why do you look at Jason with the same eyes? Do you truly love him, or is it him that you still see in front of you?

Notes: English is not my first language. + Reblogs and likes are appreciated! + Extra scene would foreshadow part 2

Should he blame himself for choosing his career more than you?

He was on his journey to find himself. He went away to find security in himself. The life of Robin just wasn't working out for him. Dick is an ambitious man—he wants to make a name for himself, and you supported that.

There was nothing more fulfilling in your heart than to see Dick happy with himself. You'll disregard any moments of loneliness here in Gotham if it means that Dick was thriving. Besides, you had your own life to worry about. Leaving Gotham University just to be with him would be stupid. Dick also agreed with that idea.

Dick thought you understood him better than anyone. He thought that distance wouldn't be a problem with you as long as you loved him and he loved you. Of course Dick would take your words to heart. You weren't the type to say something meaningless.

"I understand you, babe. I do. I'll be okay here."

That's what you said. Dick trusts you to uphold your words. 

However, the issue wasn't you or your words. You'd never lie to him. He shouldn't even be wondering how it went downhill. He knows what he did. Albeit unintentionally. 

You saved money to plan a trip to surprise him. It was all perfectly budgeted to suit your travelling expenses, food, and other stuff you might see on your date. You happily knocked on his door, expecting to see his cute shocked expression as you tackled him down to the ground, pampering his face with kisses.

When the door swung open, it fucking broke your heart to see a woman bigger than you open the door to his apartment in Bludhaven. You wouldn't have minded—you would've brushed it off as his friend. But would a friend in only panties, a tank top, and your boyfriend's jacket make you think they're just friends?

She had a body akin to a model's. The kind that would make you stare in envy. Her body was the body both men and women dream of—just in different ways. She asks who you were in a sweet tone. Does she not know you? Well, obviously, but if she were a friend, Dick would've—no, you wanted Dick to have shown her your pictures together.

A lot of words are stuck in your throat. You can't even find the energy to get mad at the woman in front of you. She looked as confused as you were. You wanted to be mad. Not at her, not at yourself—but at Dick. Was he cheating?

Both of your heads perk at the sound of a door opening behind her. The shower running in the background caught your attention. She moves a bit to the side, allowing you to see behind her. From there, Dick emerged from the door. Water dripping down his skin with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Kory, who's at the door?" You would've loved to hear his voice this close again if it weren't for the situation at hand. The question sounded wrong. It should've asked who this woman is in front of you, dressed like this. 

Without a concrete answer to say, Kory completely left the door and went to his side to give Dick a clearer view of your figure, who stood shocked and disappointed at him.

He felt his heart drop. His breath hitched in terror. The gravity of the situation had dawned on him. You weren't supposed to see any of this. Dick wasn't cheating on you. He swears to God.

"This isn't what it looks like, Babe." His voice cracks.

"That's what they all say." Your heart breaks.

You were too fast for your own good, too hurt to listen to his shouts and begs in an attempt to stop you and talk about everything. And it wasn't like Dick could run to you; he's almost naked for God's sake. All he could do was yell at your running figure that slowly turned smaller and smaller until you were gone from his sight.

Dick dreads the thought of you crying on your way back to Gotham. It frustrates him so much that he can't stomach the thought of being around Kory now. But he can't kick Kory out of his home. Where would she stay? The only option was to lock himself in his room.

It's been hours since he buried himself in his bed; the scent of the Tamaranean princess fills his nostrils, caging itself in this space. He forgot he let Kory use his room. Being the gentleman he is, he couldn't let her sleep on the couch or floor. It haunts him this way. It petrifies him to remember that look on your face. 

His phone lights the dim room, the sound lures him to scramble upwards to see who it was. You appear in his thoughts. He just wants to fix everything. A sob escapes his lips when he sees your name.

We need to talk.

Dick quickly dialed your number. When the line clicked, he wasted no time to explain himself.

"Babe, I'm sorry, please. Let me explain."

You heard how tired his voice is. It tugs on your heart just thinking of how he looked behind the phone. However, you've already made your decision. The words that fall out of his mouth fall on deaf ears. 

"I want to end this, Dick."

Anything but that. The scenario he dreaded the most has come to life. 

"But why? Babe, I didn't cheat!" He grows desperate. "Trust me, please. She's an alien, babe. What could she know about proper attire? Nothing happened." That ticks you off.

"Yeah, what could she know, Dick? Then what are you? Why didn't you tell her about it?" He hears anger in your voice. "It's not the fact that nothing happened. If you had at least any amount of decency in your body—alien or not, she looks and is a woman! A woman in fucking panties and your jacket, Dick!" He stays silent.

"You're a man with a girlfriend. You're a man who has me. Even if I'm not there, I'd expect you to not have a woman in your house prancing around looking like that. Because at the end, you're a man, and she's a woman, Dick. Tell me how you think that makes me feel?" His heart breaks a little more when he hears your sob at the end, trying your best to sound coherent.

"The fact that you weren't even fazed by what she looked like until you saw me makes me think that it's normalized in your apartment. Just how many times did you see her looking like that to make you think it's okay to have that in your house when you have me?"

He tries to talk, but you always cut in. "Just admit you liked having her like that." The silence after gnaws at both of you. Dick can't find the words to talk back. He can't defend himself because maybe he did. 

It was only an accusation. It was only your insecurity talking. And it was his silence that proved your accusations right. If Dick didn't think like that, he would have interjected as fast as he could. Assure you that he didn't and it was just out of cultural differences that he let her be.

"You're right. Nothing happened. But don't pretend you haven't thought about it at least once." Your words hit him right in the heart. He didn't cheat, but the thought was there. No matter how small or how long ago, he thought of it.

"I'm sorry." 

That's all he could say, and that fucking hurts you more than him not apologizing. It basically meant he's guilty.

"God..." you sobbed. "You have me, Dick. You had me. Why was I even your girlfriend if I wasn't enough for you?" The call ends. 

You didn't want to hear him crying. You also didn't want to let him hear yours. Those years of building each other up. All gone within a second and a single phone call.

Those words still haunt Dick. After 3 years, you're still stuck in his mind. Now you're physically haunting him by showing up here at his family dinner hand-in-hand with his brother, Jason Todd. He wasn't aware that your friendship had upgraded into this.

Dick looks around the table—nobody was as fazed as him at this. Tim and Damian had their sights on the food before them, not bothering to look up when they knew Dick was searching for an answer. So they all knew you were Jason's girlfriend and didn't tell him? It wasn't like he kept you a secret from them. In fact, Dick didn't miss a day showing you off.

And Jason—he knew how much he loved her. He was your friend before you met and fell in love with Dick, so how? You used to assure him that he was nothing more back when you were just a new couple. The bond you had with Jason was naturally much stronger than their relationship at the time.

Hell, why is Dick even making an issue out of this? He has no right to question whom you date now, not even when the said date is his younger brother. It's frustrating that he knows his place. He wishes that he didn't. It's just... disrespect in plain sight. Dick dated you. Would you date your brother's ex?

His eyes are on you as you walk towards Bruce. A big smile on your face with Jason following close behind you. Like muscle memory, Bruce lifts his hand at the sight of you approaching. You take his hand in yours and lift it towards your forehead as a sign of respect. 

Dick's hand tightens under the table. Back then, he was in Jason's place as you gave your respect to their father like you did right now. For a second your eyes stole a glance his way. He didn't miss it. With the way his gaze was locked on you, it would be impossible.

It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth when the eye contact didn't last as Jason escorted you down to your respective seats. When Alfred left the dining room with a bow, it marked the start of the family dinner where hell would be set loose with one wrong question.

The chatter first started with you and Jason, with him asking you what you'd like. He watches his brother attentively fulfill your requests, like he once did. Everything you're doing—you've already done it with him. It was supposed to make him feel better, to know that he did that with you first. But the thought of never doing it again dawns on him.

The family dinner was going smoothly. Tim and Damian were asking how you were with medical school, Jason was taking care of your needs, and Bruce was feeling content that they were a complete family today. And there was Dick—awfully silent as the appetizer by his plate stays untouched.

Bruce calls your name, gaining everyone's attention. "You're about to receive your diploma, aren't you, sweetheart?" Their heads all turn towards you, even his. "Yes, Father. I'm getting it in a week."

Dick felt proud. You were graduating already? Time has passed by so quickly. It was also one of the reasons why you couldn't leave Gotham. Dick wouldn't forgive himself if you stopped studying just to go with him. There wasn't any school better than the one here in Gotham after all. Transferring to Bludhaven was out of the option.

"I see. Congrats, dear. Just tell me exactly when, and I'll give the executives at the hospital a recommendation paper." Your eyes widened at Bruce's words, cheeks heating up in embarrasment. 

"Ah, no need, Father. That's too much. Besides, how can I prove myself worthy if you make it easy for me to get accepted?" 

Jason laughs at you. "Worthy? Have you seen your grades? I'd look so dumb next to you, miss Valedictorian." You roll your eyes and push Jason's teasing face away from you. The shame doubles when the two other brothers clap in amazement.

"Congratulations, Big sister." Damian smiles at you.

"Congrats. You don't have to use me as your beta-reader for your thesis anymore." Tim jokes. 

Ah, you felt so loved by the brothers. "Thank yo—"

"Congratulations." Dick's voice cut through yours abruptly. The cheery atmosphere reverted back to the obvious tension in the air. The table went silent. Jason's eyes looked at yours, narrowing sadly at the way your eyes was scrambling from one place to another to prevent tears from forming.

"Thank you, Dick." You hesitated to say his name but it slipped out anyways.

It should've ended at that but it didn't sit right with Dick. What he's about to do is wrong. His conscience wasn't strong enough to stop him. 

He grabs ahold of the wine bottle and poured himself a drink. He shot one, then another, and another, and another—Dick almost finished the whole bottle by now.

You all stared as he pours the last drop of wine into his glass. Jason's hand tangled yours with his beneath the table, caressing the back of your own with his thumb. He knows you're feeling anxious at Dick's behavior. 

Dick stands up, looking flushed. He isn't used to drinking that many in a few minutes.

"I would like to make a toast to the most beautiful, talented, smart woman here." He tilts the glass your way. Bruce frowns at the situation, sending Tim a look to apprehend his brother at once. He does not want family drama on the table right now.

"Congratulations on graduating from that forsaken academy. Now, you're gonna be a full-pledged doctor just like you promised me." He points at himself, smiling like an idiot. "You used to get mad at me for saying I should be your first official patient. Am I not allowed to claim that spot now that Jason is here?" 

"Dick, that's enough—" Tim tries to make him sit down, but gets shoved away easily.

"And cheers to the new couple!" Dick walks closer with Tim desperately trying to stop him. Damian sighs and stood near you as a precaution. 

He glared at Jason, it falters when it landed on you. "I didn't think of you as a lowly brother who would dare date his brother's—" Jason stood up from his chair, gripping Dick's collar tightly.

Before things could get even more out of hand, the sound of Bruce's fist hitting the table had your heads turning his way. His face looked unpaintable with displeasure. "Don't do this at my table. If you want to kill each other—go ahead!" 

Dick lowered his head in shame, senses coming back from Bruce's outburst. He flicks Jason's arms away from him and left the room without another word. Damian and Tim went back to their chairs, head hung low as to not attract attention to themselves.

Jason looked at your alarmed face, "Don't worry. It's not your fault." he wraps his arm around your head, pulling you closer to plant a kiss on your forehead. The small rubs on your shoulder eases your anxiety. If you had known Dick would be back in Gotham, you wouldn't have come here.

The solemn look on their faces tell a lot. Your presence alone brought discomfort knowing your past with Dick. Jason's voice magnetized you into looking at him. His eyes were full of warmth and affection. He's so loving that it sickens you.

"Come on, let's get you home. I'll have Roy drive you, I just need to do something here in the Manor, okay?" You nod in response.

The breeze that the night brought, felt colder than the Manor when you stepped outside. Roy was already waiting by the gate, smiling and waving at both of you. Jason softly pulled you closer, wrapping himself around you. You could feel his heart race for you. He reluctantly pulls away and bends down to your height.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'll see you tomorrow?" He bids you a small smile, patting your head while he's at it. "It's okay... Goodnight, Jay." You peck beside his lips and mirrored the smile on his face.

He watches you walk towards Roy with a smile. You wouldn't even think he was thinking of beating Dick up right now. He's full of rage, but not now. He can wait until you've left. Jason promised you after all. No fights and no violence while you're around. If Bruce didn't shout, he would've been blinded with anger.

As soon as the car left the manor, the smile was wiped away from his face. His feet walked on its own but he knew where he was going.

"Dick! You son of a bitch!" Almost immediately, Jason stormed inside Dick's room. The latter swiftly guarded himself from the incoming punch. He grunts as he tangles their arms together to stop Jason from striking.

"Dating her not enough for you? You still want to fight?" Dick mocks, breaking free from his own hold to push Jason away from him.

"That's funny coming from you. I wasn't the one embarassing myself at the family dinner."

"Bullshit. You know it's true!"

"You're this mad because I'm dating her? Move on for God's sake."

Jason's words caused Dick to pounce at him. His hands were shaking with anger as he held Jason by the collar. So what if he hasn't moved on? You were the most important person in his life. He would've been happy for you if you're dating someone else. But why did it have to be Jason?

"If you had any decency and respect as a brother, you wouldn't have dated her!" He yells in his face.

"We dated because you left her. You chose your career and left her here alone in Gotham. And if that wasn't enough for you, you fucking cheated on her!" Jason found the energy to scoff and laugh at Dick's face. 

When he felt his knuckles connect to his face, he fought back by kicking him in the stomach.

"I didn't cheat, asshole!"

"You didn't? Oh, my bad. I didn't know that she was lying when she came to me crying and breaking down in front of my door." Jason's voice was laced with sarcasm. 

"We broke up because of the distance. I left because of Bludhaven and oth—" 

"Don't fucking lie to me, Dick! Don't even try to. I know the fucking truth. Own up to your mistakes."

There was a pang in Dick's heart that made him unable to shout back.

They both resume in their fight, grabbing and grappling each other until they're struggling to catch their breaths. Jason was shaking with anger while Dick was slowly faltering from the shit he's done. It all flashes inside his mind, weakening his resolve to fight back.

"Do you even know how she couldn't even eat for days when she came back here? I bet you don't. You were too busy with that alien chick of yours, huh?" Jason's fist met with Dick's face.

 "If only I wasn't a coward. If only I confessed first, she wouldn't have been with you!"

Dick spits out the blood in his mouth, glaring daggers at Jason. He runs up to him, using the chair to give him momentum to jump and land straight at his younger brother. Dick's legs swiftly pin Jason down and punched him.

He scoffs at him. Laughing with disdain.

"Is that what this is about? You're mad at me because I was the one she confessed to? Wake up, Todd! Because even if you had loved her first, I was the one that she loved and picked—not you. You only had a chance when I left the picture!"

Jason kicks Dick off him, looking angrier than before. They both lunge at each other, grunting as they use all of their strength to overpower the other. Dick gets swept over by Jason and fell down to the ground. He groans in pain and grunts when Jason uses his forearm to keep him in place by the neck.

"So what if I did? What matters is that I'm the one she's with now. You're nothing more than a remnant of her past. Unlike you, I wouldn't waste my chance of being in her future."

Dick's eyes gleamed. Despite having his airways blocked, a crooked smile slowly starts to form on his face. It wasn't his imagination. Jason sounded unsure of what he's saying. His anger slighlty faltered at his own words.

"Do you now? I started to think otherwise when I kept catching your girlfriend stealing glances at me earlier." Dick starts to laugh at his brother's angry expression. He gained more satisfaction from it when he noticed that Jason didn't look so shocked as he thought he would.

Oh.

Is that what this it is?

"Did you really think that you'd have a place in her life when she clearly hasn't moved on either?" 

Jason picks him up from the floor and pushed him against the wall. His ferocity lacked the fire it had when he entered the room. The anger in his eyes now had sadness mixed along with it. 

"Did the thought of being a placeholder ever occur in your mind? I'm sure that's what you feel every time she's with you." Dick taunts him more. He feels Jason's grip loosen with every word until his feet were back on the floor without having to tiptoe.

"Admit it. You've noticed it too." His words sounded like the devil's whispers.

No.

It's not true.

You loved Jason. Right?

"If she did love you, you wouldn't be questioning yourself like this." 

Dick's right. But he can't make him feel the satisfaction of being right. He had no right to speak like this. Not when he fucked you over. Jason raised his fist, ready to hit again.

"That's enough. Master Bruce has had enough of the rumbling." 

Alfred enters the room with a glare. He placed a medkit in Dick's bed as he walks closer to both of them. Jason's anger dispelled with Alfred's gentle touch on his shoulder. His gaze lingers on the hand that he raised then back to Dick. It was full of blood.

He clicks his tongue in frustration and let his older brother go. The way he let go was still harsh, Dick bumped his head on the wall. Alfred quickly put his hand on Dick's chest to prevent him from picking a fight again. He shakes his head in disappointment until Jason was gone.

Jason walks down the long stairs of the manor. Millions of thoughts envading the tranquility of his mind. His body ached in several spots, caused by the strong strikes Dick inflicted on him. But somehow, the pain of knowing you couldn't move on just yet—hurt him even more. 

It was no secret that you hadn't. You confessed it several times. Jason was just persistent and stubborn. He swears to you that he doesn't mind. He swears that he still loves you. He swears that he's willing to wait until you love him back. After all, you said you'd try.

This pain was only temporary. He just need to blow off some steam.

It's alright since he'll go home to where you and Roy are like he always does. He imagines you're already waiting by the door with your own medkit, prepared to nurse your reckless boyfriend before sleeping. It was a routine at this point.

Enveloped by darkness in the security of your private space, he'll sleep in a cozy bed with you beside him—giggling and talking until you're both exhausted to speak. He'll slowly doze off into his dreams and sleep content knowing you're his. 

Jason will sleep with your voice being the last thing he hears in the night.

"Goodnight..." 

At that, he deems the day to be done and perfect.

Jason's heart basked in the sweetness of your voice. 

But some nights—you'll slip up. You don't even realize it but you don't stop at saying 'Goodnight'.

"Dick." 

Jason just has to make sure he'll sleep before he hears it. He just hopes that you don't slip up tonight.

extra scene!

Roy looks at you through his peripheral. You were so lost in thought that you hadn't spoken in 25 minutes since he fetched you at the manor. The man already had a thought in mind as to why. He'd be a fool if he didn't see Dick's bike parked outside.

He sighs, knowing how rocky your relationship with Jason was. As your mutual friend, he doesn't want both of you hurting like this. You were both destroying each other in this relationship. Roy finds you both deluded in love that you don't find it toxic to use each other like this.

"Honey..."

"Yes?" 

"Have you thought about what I said?"

You hum. "Thought about what again?"

He sighs.

"About Jason." 

Oh.

The man in question pops up in your mind. His affection back at the dinner flashes in your mind, your hand subconciously clutching itself, hard. Your throat bobs as you swallow a thick air of guilt. He's a good guy. He loves you more than anyone. It was just hard to love him back.

Your head slowly turns towards Roy, he had genuine motives for both you and Jason. He doesn't condone the toxicity, but he doesn't overstep some lines as it wasn't his problem to solve. It was something that only you and Jason could fix together. The best he could do was give guidance and options.

You think about what he said.

"Honey, don't you think that both of you will be better off as strangers?" He carefully observes your face, letting you absorb what he said before talking again. 

"Go on, live your life without any ties to the family. If you keep dating Jason for that sole reason, it won't end up good for both of you."

You've thought about it. You're aware of the pain it brings. 

Roy hears you humming again. A long silence in the car before you speak again.

"Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?"

He groans in exasperation, directing his attention back to the road with a grumble. All that waiting for what? You laugh at his reaction and went back to gaze at the buildings you've grown familiar with.

But who knows... 

you're just not ready to face and leave Jason. 

Not when he looks so much like Dick.

[tmbgareok]

Hi Flans! I’ve been wondering, you’ve got an extremely impressive vocal range, falsetto and all; did this always come somewhat naturally for you, or was there a concerted effort to train your voice to hit all those notes? Especially the higher ones; I’m still new to having a deeper voice, and it’s been disconcerting not being able to sing as high as I used to… Thanks for your time as always!

JF: I... I... I feel a little anxiety about this. First thank you for the compliment. I do appreciate it. For many years I was really frustrated by the shortcomings of my singing voice, and because I wasn't interested in singing with a traditionally "trained" style, it became a big challenge figuring out how to improve. And very very late in my professional life-like 20 years in I started having breakthroughs and found a much more consistent way to perform.

I tried going to a pretty traditional pair of coaches in the mid-90s (they were a couple) but I realize in retrospect they were really only capable of training Broadway people to belt and opera singers to maximize their projection which was an aesthetic I didn't really relate to. They couldn't address my big issues in a head on way (basically singing flat, scooping up to notes in a goofy, amateurish way, difficulty hitting smaller intervals precisely, and, the big one-- losing my voice). Why couldn't they help me? Because they couldn't really give me the tools in an efficient way (recording vocal lessons was a real-time disaster with just fragments of useful stuff to review--After a year I realized I would have had to go to daily lessons to really get anywhere, and I could barely afford it once a week.)

I really started addressing things in a successful way post-2000, going to a coach who gave me some really simple but informed moves in a more natural way, and using YouTube instruction to do warm ups in a systematic way.

This is my take, and I am sure other people might disagree or are just more naturally good at this than me, but I found there was something a little basic about how to improve my voice--dedicating a half hour every day and just putting in the time with YouTube videos. I wish it was more fun! But if you drill basic stuff all the time you'll find some stuff coming together in months, and some bigger stuff coming together in a year or two. But just living in the world of always singing was really my path to basic improvement. It also helped me hold on to my voice, and through weirder conditions. (I actually capture the audio from my favorite clips and have a playlist on my phone so I can practice almost anywhere)

Finding a 15 minute warm up of scales and arpeggios, and then add in videos of intervals small and large (very helpful for flexibility) I bet you will find you sing more consistently in tune and expand your range in an organic way. I even dream of being able to sing riffs/runs but, man, it does not come naturally to me!

One series of warm ups I can easily recommend is Jeff Rolka. He has tons of videos for all different kinds of voices (and as a tenor, dipping in to baritone and alto warm ups is a great way to expand your range without public embarrassment!) And his interval and chromatic videos are super-useful for focusing up on pitchiness.

I have even sent money to him in the past just because I lean on his stuff so much. I even requested a small interval video and he made one! (I should probably PayPal him some more dough--he has a solid library now. Very useful!)

[herjuhodivine]

ㅤ        ㅤ             ⠀✣ ⠀۪⠀ ´ beloved ⠘ ✫

yandere jinx x love deprived! fem! reader ft. vi and caitlyn

very self indulgent , regular-ish jinx ( she would be a perfect yandere ) , topside! reader , model! reader , nsfw + sfw-ish , mentions of killing / bombing people , overprotective! stalker! jinx , mini series , self aware-ish! reader , mentions of stolen belongings , reader described to be obsessed with pastels ( pink & blue ) , reader being friends w vi + caitlyn , jealous!/possessive! jinx , pervert! jinx , mentions of manipulation , kidnapping , wlw ( duh )

i — ii

s.masterlist ૮ ྀི ◞ ◟ ა navigation ૮ ྀི ◞ ◟ ა masterlist

Another day, another item missing; your iconic poster of yourself. now the wall it was previous on was now empty and just a void of pink and blue stripes.

“caitlyn, i really don’t know.” your shoulders slump, already exhausted from these missing items; it started off small like from your lip glosses or nail polish to your panties and bra from your laundry basket then to your portraits and photos of yourself you hang up. “do you have security cameras?” vi asked her hand gripping her chin while looking around. “well i mean yes but they’re inactive right now.” caitlyn raised her eyebrow at you. “what do you mean, ‘inactive’?”

“i mean like i haven’t really put them up.” the pinkette and bluette girls stare at you in disbelief. “are you serious right now?” vi threw her arms up in the air. “honestly, we should just leave you to get more of your stuff stolen.” vi said, caitlyn sighed and pinches the bridge of her nose, “let’s put the cameras up.” you got out of bed, wrapping the sleeping robe around yourself, “finally someone isn’t judging me and is TRYING to help!” you glance over at vi as she rolled her eyes.

“another photo of my wife.” the girl muttered to herself, pulling the photo out of the stolen polaroid camera, a photo snapped of your back of your room, the way robe shaped your whole figure got her hypnotized, enchanted even. she shouldn’t even be here, not during the day at least. it’s too risky to be getting caught on the roof of a famous model and being a wanted criminal, but you have this invisible leash on her and she willingly follow you wherever. the only issue is them.

her sister and her sister’s girlfriend. vi and caitlyn, attached to you by the hip. it’s irritating. why do they get to be so close to you but she has to keep her distance? that’s not fair. you watches as the three of you living your bedroom. she thought about what if she just…sneak into your room and stay hidden like underneath your bed? it’s sure is big enough and the blankets spills over the bed and covers the sides so it wouldn’t be hard and you aren’t the most observant type of person.

“cameras in living room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, closet, laundry room, and entrance.” caitlyn swaps on the tablet through the cameras as you make some breakfast, “anywhere else?” you shake your head no. “breakfast done.” you slide the rest of the food onto a plate for yourself and brings it to the kitchen island.

as vi and caitlyn chatted, you stayed in thought. you noticed how every time your stuff goes missing, the culprit always leaves sometime of note in messy handwriting. you haven’t shown your two friends, you don’t know why; maybe because she was swooned by the little love letters. just from the letters you can tell it’s a girl, even better.

“earth to y/n? hello???” vi snaps her fingers in your face, quite literally snapping you out of your thoughts, you blinked barely moving, looking over to the side with just your eyes. “yea? what’s up?” you picked up the warm bacon and egg together with your fork and puts the food in your mouth. “are you alright?” caitlyn asks, looking worried. you nodded. “don’t worry, we’ll find the person soon, they won’t get away with this.” you gave caitlyn a small smile, thanking her. “when’s your next model runaway?” you ate another place of food of your plate, “next…month?” vi looks at the time. “yea, thanks for breakfast y/n, me and caitlyn has to go now.”

caitlyn gets up and starts heading for the door with vi, “remember to give us VIP tickets, okay?” caitlyn joked. you let out a breathy laugh, “sure—later guys.” you watched as vi opens the door and locks back as they both exited and close the now locked door behind them. a faint sound of a breeze blowing inside made you turn around, your view landed on your bedroom.

you cautiously followed the sound and looks inside of the room, your window is open. odd. very odd. you always keep your windows closed, especially on lounge days. you quickly turn back and grabbed the tablet and looks through the cameras.

watching the footage from 30 minutes back, while walking to the shut the window. you were really debating on alerting vi and caitlyn, in the corner of your eye, on the tablet you noticed a slip of hot pink flash. you thought maybe it’s just the way your room illuminate light but you never have your big light on and living in dim lighting; so where did the pink come from?

now you’re really conflicted. you watch the pink light slip into your room but never out. so the whatever it is, is still in here. looking for it and calling the enforcers would be a rational move but you gotten curious and decided to just play along.

in all honesty, it’s way better than getting the enforcers, and the press involved with your personal life. so you’ll just stick around with this ‘game’ until you can uncover the truth yourself.

©︎ J U H Ō . all rights reserved. please don't plazarize, copy, or steal any of my works without my permission, thank you !

lwk i ended earlier than i wanted but i need content for the next episodes so you’ll see soon dw

[so-i-did-this-thing]

I’m 18, and admittedly there’s no real hope for me transitioning until I’m in my 30s ( education, family, finance- stuff like that ). It leaves me feeling kind of hopeless a lot of the times- I don’t have the energy to be ambitious or to feel good about my future because, even optimistically, it’s another six-seven years of hell waiting for me. Existing is hard. Can’t date, can’t leave the house without wearing a jacket, can’t look in the mirror too long. At least my dysphoria doesn’t drive me to suicide, but it’s drained me in every other way possible.

So, thank you for existing. I burst into tears today when I saw your profile. Thank you for reminding me that this…isn’t my forever. I just need to pull through. Joy is waiting on the other side.

Hey, Anon. Sounds like you have a bachelors + advanced degree lined up? I hate that college is so fraught for young trans people right now, when it should be your chance to start expressing some personal freedom.

A lot can change in just a few years, and change for the better can happen faster if you plan what you can now. Part of my transition stalled simply because I was just waiting for something Good to happen to me, instead of making it happen. (Working on job skills, being responsible with my money, meeting other queer people, etc.)

If you *are* to be stuck in Limbo for a while, please don't fall back on "at least I'm not suicidal" when evaluating your mental health. I did this for 13 years, and so much of me broke down under the weight of that inertia -- my family hoarding triggered and my depression got so bad, I nearly became homeless.

If it helps, here's a timeline of my own journey:

4: knew I was a boy

20: tried to come out, didn't go well, went back in the closet

21: too depressed for grad school for my music degree, went to tech school and fell into a stagnant web career

27: dad died, stress made a lot of my mental issues worse

30: near rock-bottom, got fired from work, nearly lost my house, living below poverty line, drained retirement, credit score probably like 300, I couldn't even get a secured credit card, new BFF started abusing me

31: started dating (never went well), too poor to fix AC, power frequently shut off, hoard starting to block rooms

33: almost out of money, started HRT, lost a lot of music gigs, stuck in payday loan hell

34: found steady employment again tho at a toxic web shop, $45k/year, cleaned up my hoard for the first time

36: met my partner, lost my virginity, started hanging out with queer people

37: got AC fixed, slowly started improving home, stopped being stealth, partner moved in with me

38: told abuser to fuck off

40: got top surgery, caught up on back taxes w/the IRS, able to secure credit again

41: got out of a toxic job industry, free from payday loans, started making $80k/year in a new field

41: got married to my partner, hoard pretty under control now

45: broke 6 figures for my salary

46: left Florida, bought a house

47: got a promotion to a senior role, hit 800 credit score, home is clean and organized (except for some stalled unpacking, I'll get there...), working on rebuilding my retirement

It was really around age 37 where I made a concerted effort to plan my way out of my shitty living situation. It's also when I really embraced being queer. I wish I had managed it earlier, but I was a goddamned mess and hid a lot from my family & friends. And I didn't know how to energize myself when things felt bleak.

So, please avoid my mistakes by taking efforts to set a higher bar for your mood. Get outside in nature, make things with your hands, consume and spread queer art, try to find safe outlets for expressing and exploring your gender, and above all, create a network where you can safely vent and have folks take care of you when you need help. Stoicism goes toxic far too quickly - you're going to need to cry *and* become a shoulder to cry upon.

And then pick yourself back up and continue with your plan towards joy. I believe in you - I don't think it'll be as long as it appears. <3