#They represent knowledge/deep thoughts

[darklilithian]

midheaven.

─ ཐི ⋅ ♰ ⋅ ཋྀ ─

the midheaven represents one's career, legacy, and public image. it also showcases details towards our achievements, the persona we withhold, and the type of careers we often find ourselves drawn to. it's located in the tenth house cusp which highlights core themes that are related to hard work, discipline, and challenges. it is directly opposite from the imum coeli which represents how one's desires or needs appears to be within their private home and domestic life.

⁺₊ ʚ aries

native is known for their pioneering spirit within the public eye as they are a natural-born leader with a strong ambition to accomplish their goals. independence is something that comes naturally to them and they prefer to work alone on their own accord at a quick pace. they may not be receptive towards having to receive orders from others, which could cause conflict within the workforce if they work with other people. they can be competitive individuals with an intense desire to succeed and are able to adapt to their work at a resilient pace due to their strong work ethic. they are easily able to possess a natural authoritative nature that can grant them multiple opportunities to rise towards higher positions in their career and even lead one of their own. it's important that these natives take upon leadership roles that will fuel growth in their career and inspire others in some way. they are likely to thrive in a career that ignite a deep passion and encourage them to take charge as their own individual boss.

⁺₊ ʚ taurus

native is known for their hard work within the public eye as they are persistent to achieve their goals. for them, through their work to enjoy the finer things life has to offer. they are drawn towards work that inspires their creativity and fulfills their pleasure towards luxury and beauty. they are likely to have a steady, slow approach towards building a career. they are very determined to succeed but may also be susceptible towards burnout or laziness if they are not motivated. with a refined taste for aesthetics, they relish partaking in work that inspires them to use their knack of knowledge related to art and beauty where they can showcase it to others. they can create and maintain a sufficient amount of income through various creative ways, including those that does not require much effort to do so. it's important that these natives create foundations that offers them a strong, evergrowing flow of income that'll provide security in their life. they are likely to thrive in a career that offers them stability and long-term financial growth that are able to last for future generations.

⁺₊ ʚ gemini

native is known for their excelled communication within the public eye as they are very skilled at expressing their own thoughts and ideas with others. their effective social skills allows them to effortlessly network and connect with other people. they easily cultivate strong connections that can be of great benefit to them in the long run and have a quick wit that grants them the ability to solve complex problems with very unique solutions. they enjoy being mentally stimulated with work that requires them to think outside of the box and are likely to delve into a series of research that grants them more knowledge. they are quite curious and enjoy learning new things that challenges them to further expand on their own intellect. if there is too much unfocused energy, there could be a sense of indecisiveness within their career. it's important that they take any distracted energies they may withold and transfer them into productive projects that will provide them prosperity with their work. they are likely to thrive in a career that encourages them to showcase their intellective and creative ideas or concepts with other people.

⁺₊ ʚ cancer

native is known for their empathetic approach within the public eye as they are intuitive and can easily pick up on the emotions of those whom are in their environments. they are protective over the people they care about and are likely to keep their home or private life hidden from the spotlight. if underdeveloped, they can come off as overly controlling or possessive towards their loved ones. they desire emotional fulfillment within their work, which can definitely be lead as the driving force in their career. there is an emphasis on how emotions and stability is a staple piece for how they decide to show up in their work. they may have experienced hidden anxiety due to an overwhelming pressure when it comes to taking on far more than they can handle. their compassion can become their demise if there's failure to check in every now and then on their own well-being. it's important that these natives feel emotionally safe when it comes to their work. they are likely to thrive in a career where they can use their empathy and intuition to contribute to those in need.

⁺₊ ʚ leo

native is known for their confidence within the public eye as they inspire others with their work. they are deeply ambitious with a willingness to put in much work to become successful in their careers. they are clever and inventive with the way they create their work, which often captures many people's attention. they don't often shy away from challenges that are presented to them and face them instead with true courage. their commitment is one of their greatest advantages that lets them overcome hurdles, which also inspires people to do the same as well. there could be one-sided competition from competitors who are jealous towards the amount of positive attention they receive from others. too much self-indulgence could also occur if they happen to become overly obsessive with having the spotlight. it's important that these natives maintain a balance between their desire to be recognized and their desire to fully express themselves in creative ways that showcases their truest self. they are likely to thrive in a career that allows them to incorporate inventive concepts into their creative pursuits that is able to inspire the masses.

⁺₊ ʚ virgo

native is known for their diligence within the public eye as they acquire a keen attention to details that can be used to solve complex problems. they are very committed towards their work and put in a lot of effort to perfect them. they are extremely intelligent and enjoy learning new things can be applied, especially if it can help improve the lives of others. they are likely to create methodical steps that allows them to pursue their goals in an efficient way, and their practical and analytical approach allows them to maintain a steady focus on their tasks with no distraction. their hard work can lead to them mastering their career and obtaining achievements in the long term through determined efforts. perfectionism can result in over-criticism towards themselves and their work, which can deter their focus from accomplishing goals at a sufficient pace. it's important that these natives understand that perfection is not necessary when it comes their work, true authenticity is what makes art complete. they are likely to thive in a career that require them to use their logic and critical thinking to help people improve in their own lives.

⁺₊ ʚ libra

native is known for their diplomacy within the public eye as they seek to maintain fairness amongst people. they are a diplomat who likes to immerse themselves in the different viewpoints and perspectives that people have because it allows them to gain a broader comprehension of the way others think. their capacity to understand differed opinions and beliefs of others makes it easy for them to bring groups of people together, which can be a great source of healing for many. being surrounded by aesthetics that are pleasing to the eye could inspire them to delve into innovative ideas where they make art of their own. their sociable nature can come with some negative effects, potential people pleasing tendencies could result in them being taken advantage of by those with negative intentions. they need to ensure there's a steady balance between their desire to connect with others while making sure they do not fall victim. it's important that these natives utilize their natural charm and social skills to create art amongst bringing people together. they are likely to thrive in a career that encourages them to delve into the creative arts or maintain harmony amongst the collective.

⁺₊ ʚ scorpio

native is known for their transformation within the public eye as they've faced much changes that have showed drastic impacts in their career. they are a mysterious enigma who's quite secretive when it comes to discussing their private life that goes on behind the scenes. they are independent and could care less for authority or being told what to do. they're either extremely loved or hated by people, and many strong opinions can be based off of their mere existence alone. they feel most alive when they're chasing after goals that grants them some kind of profound transformation in their own life. passion runs in their veins and these individuals will stop at nothing to achieve their desires. although their intense drive can be of great benefit to them, it can also lead to excessive burnout once they finally master whatever they were chasing after to begin with. it's important that these natives partake in work that inspires them to undergo deep metamorphosis related to the complex aspects that human existence has to offer. they are likely to thrive in a career that involves death, transformation, and uncovering utmost dark hidden truths.

⁺₊ ʚ sagittarius

native is known for their expansiveness within the public eye, as they crave gaining knowledge that they are able to share with others. they are very optimistic and withold enthusiasm towards learning more about the world around them. their versatility can provide them with multiple opportunities to cultivate significant success in their career. they often seek much adventure and building connections with people from different cultures. they become dissatisfied if they are in an environment that attempts to restrict their ability to explore or learn from a fresh perspective. they are easily adaptable to situations or spaces that are new to them due to their easily acceptable nature and can meet many people they are able to become closer with over time. their versatility can lead to many triumphs in their careers, but it can also lead to having no particular aim when it comes to finding the right path to pursue. it's important that these natives acquire the wisdom that they've gained through their experiences to educate or even enlighten people who can learn from their information. they are likely to thrive in a career that grants them with the freedom to travel and expand their perspectives about the world where they could share with others and teach them.

⁺₊ ʚ capricorn

native is known for their ambition within the public eye, as they are resilient towards achieving long-term goals. logic, discipline, and structure are potent themes when it relates towards the way they decide to approach their work. their strong ethic makes them very notable individuals who are often acknowledged for their accomplishments due to their precise dedication. they undergo significant growth through their career that can drastically reflect their career status or reputation from the collective. they are competitve and are able to find much strength in powering through challenges or roadblocks they face with courage. taking on a series of different responsibilities comes to them easily because they like to feel a deep sense of responsibility when it comes to their work. although their immense drive can provide much success in their career, it can lead to much losses as well in their connections if they isolate themselves or neglect their loved ones. it's important that these natives establishes a strong sense of duty within their work and become a leader. they are likely to thrive in a career that values discipline and practicality which provides them with long-term success.

⁺₊ ʚ aquarius

native is known for their innovative nature within the public eye, as they showcase groundbreaking ideas that changes the world. they are very innovative and often create unique original ideas that challenges the status quo. the traditional path is not one that they're quite fond of, instead they aspire to create their own that truly aligns within their desires. they are good at problem-solving in a way that may require them to think outside of the box and create fresh, eccentric ideas. people usually find themselves inspired by them due to their distinctive nature when it comes to the way they show up in their work. their originality brings great benefits, but it also brings quite some challenges as well. for instance, they may not mesh well with authority due to clashes when it comes to traditions that challenges their nonconformist beliefs. it's important that these natives challenge progressive concepts that inspires the collective to think on a newfound level. they are likely to thrive in a career that supports originality and making a change or impact in the world in a significant way.

⁺₊ ʚ pisces

native is known for their creativity within the public eye, as they have quite a dreamy-like essence that can be used to tap into their work. they are very imaginative and enjoy the concept of using art to express themselves in a mystical way enchants others. they are compassionate and can be drawn towards fields where they are able to use their intuition to help others in need. they prefer to work alone and on their own time that they desire to do so. they either work at an irregular pace or if they're truly passionate, do so with more efficiency due to having more focus on their work. they are likely to undergo various shifts in their career that changes and reflects their self-growth on a deep transformative level. if they are distracted, they may have a harder time adjusting to a career that fits best for them and can spend quite some time looking for the right fit. it's important that these natives hone their intuitive skills to partake in work which uplifts and services others. they are likely to thrive in a career in which they can express their creativity and positively affect others.

[augustinamiaumiau]

LN5 SPOILERS-The second hairpin

After Maomao agrees to participate at the banquet as Lahan’s relative she returns to her room where she finds a tailor. She assumes it’s Lahan’s doing.

When the tailor leaves she sits on the bed where she obverves a box.

When she opens it she discovers a hair stick.

“For just a moment, she thought that somehow the silver hair stick she had never expected to see again had managed to return to her”

Maomao knows it’s from Jinshi because it looks very similar to the one he gifted her.

Maomao describes it as a “lovely piece, carved with the image of the moon and flowers-and poppies. Lovely, yes, but Maomao grinned as she realized what the poppies meant.”

Poppy seeds is Chinese Culture represent passion and deep love and Maomao knows it.

“She went ahead and put the stick in her hair, just because. Strangely, it felt rather fitting, and the way she continued to wear the accessory thereafter was perhaps rather unlike her.”

With the knowledge of who gave it to her and what it means she decides to wear it. She feels like it fits her and keeps wearing it which is “unlike her”-highlighting what a big deal this is.

At the banquet Rikuson remarks the hair stick and how beautiful it is.

Maomao is not ready or emotionally equipped to acknowledge its significance or talk about it so she makes up a reason why Rikuson might seem intersted in it which also solves the “mystery” of why some noble women were glancing at her hair.

“Maomao remembered she was still wearing the hair stick from the paulownia-wood box. It wasn’t flamboyant, but even the untutored eye could tell it was of fine make. Maomao had thought she’d detected the more well-bred young ladies in the room occasionally glancing, and now she understood why.”

The next night Lahan takes a dig at Maomao

“Well,” Lahan said, eyeing her. “They say clothes make the man, but apparently the same doesn’t go for women. At least some of them.”

“Shut up.”

Which trigger an unusual moment of insecurity in her.

“Maomao was dragging a heavy skirt behind her. The outfit, like the meal, was western-style, more or less. Not exactly the same-it hadn’t been possible to get something like that ready-but the silhouette, the overall look, was similar, including the bone hoop that went around her waist to puff out the skirt. It was also the style with western dresses to squeeze the waist and shop the top half of the cleavage for emphasis-but sadly, Maomao didn’t have much to show off, and lest she embarrass herself, she instead wore a long-sleeved top, submitting only to having her waist cinched about with a belt.

They did her hair too, somewhat; it was put up in a rather showy manner, but ultimately the stylists were limited by the material. It was better than it had been, perhaps, but it suffered by the truly resplendent comparisons present at the banquet. She looked like a stalk of shepherd’s purse among a field of roses and peonies.”

Maomao sees herself as inferior to these noble women appearence wise. She sees herself as an ugly plant while she compers them to beautiful flowers. She doesn’t want to show her cleavage to not emberass herself because she doesn’t have a big chest, it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing because in her head she’ll forever be lacking compared to them.

But.

There’s one thing that makes her feel better.

“Just one thing helped calm her in this otherwise unfamiliar and unsuitable ensemble: a fine silver hair stick.”

The hairpin calms her down because it’s proof that she has something these women don’t, but wish to have: a hairstick from the Moon Prince. She is the chosen one, they aren’t.

Later when Rikuson invites her to dance he tries to remind her that she’s not a “desinterest third party. Never forget the import of what you wear on your head.”

It wasn’t her choice to go to the Western Capital and she only reculantly agreed to participate at the banquet as a lady of the La clan because Lahan convinced her to, but to wear that hairpin was her decision, nobody else’s.

[astrologydray]

……Ceres in the Houses……

Representing nurturing, food, care, and cycles of loss and renewal. Its house placement shows where and how you express caretaking energy and what makes you feel emotionally and physically nourished.

………………………………………

Ceres in the 1st 🏡: Ceres in the 1st house suggests nurturing, caregiving, and providing support to others are integral to your identity. You naturally exude a warm, caring energy, and people may see you as someone who offers comfort, protection, and nourishment—both emotionally and physically. You may have a strong connection to nature, health, or self-care, and your presence can be very healing to those around you. You likely take pride in taking care of yourself and others, and your sense of self-worth may be tied to your ability to provide for those you love. Depending on the sign, you may express this nurturing energy through practical acts of service, emotional support, or even creative or intellectual guidance. Ceres in the 1st house is ensuring that you don’t overextend yourself or neglect your own needs in favor of caring for others. You may feel responsible for everyone’s well-being, which can lead to burnout. Learning to nurture yourself as much as you nurture others, allowing your caregiving nature to be a source of strength rather than depletion.

Ceres in the 2nd 🏡: Ceres in the 2nd house ties nurturing and care to material security, self-worth, and physical comfort. You express love and support through tangible means—providing food, financial stability, gifts, or creating a comfortable and safe environment for yourself and others. Acts of service and physical affection may be your primary love languages. You may feel most nurtured when you have financial stability, access to quality resources, and a sense of security in your life. Providing for yourself and your loved ones gives you a deep sense of fulfillment, and you likely take great pride in your ability to create abundance. with Ceres in the 2nd house is attaching your self-worth too much to material possessions or financial status. You may also overgive, trying to express love through material means while neglecting emotional or spiritual nourishment. Recognizing that true security comes from within and that nurturing extends beyond material support to emotional and psychological care as well.

Ceres in the 3rd 🏡: Ceres in the 3rd house expresses nurturing through communication, learning, and intellectual connection. You care for others by offering advice, engaging in meaningful conversations, and being a source of mental and emotional support. Words of affirmation and thoughtful gestures, such as writing messages or sharing knowledge, may be your primary ways of showing love. You likely feel nurtured when you have stimulating discussions, exchange ideas, or feel heard and understood by those around you. Sibling relationships, early education, and your local environment may have played a significant role in shaping your understanding of care and nourishment. Ceres in the 3rd house people have a tendency to intellectualize emotions rather than fully feeling them. You might also spread yourself too thin, constantly giving advice or emotional support without taking time to recharge. Your nurturing extends beyond words and ideas, incorporating emotional presence and deeper personal connections.

Ceres in the 4th 🏡 : Ceres in the 4th house makes nurturing, home, and family central to your sense of security and well-being. You feel most fulfilled when you can create a warm, safe, and comforting environment for yourself and your loved ones. Your way of caring is deeply emotional, and you may take on the role of a protector or provider within your family. You likely have a strong connection to your roots, traditions, and childhood experiences, which can shape how you give and receive love. Home-cooked meals, cozy spaces, and emotional support are key ways you express care. Family bonds, whether biological or chosen, are essential to your sense of stability. Ceres in the 4th house has the potential for emotional overattachment or taking on too much responsibility for others’ well-being. You may struggle with setting boundaries, feeling like you must always be the caregiver. Nurturing yourself just as much as you nurture others, ensuring that your home life supports your own emotional needs as well.

Ceres in the 5th 🏡: Ceres in the 5th house expresses nurturing through creativity, joy, and self-expression. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in a way that encourages their individuality and personal growth. Your love is warm, playful, and often shown through acts of encouragement, affection, and shared creative or recreational activities. You may find joy in nurturing children, artistic projects, or even romantic partners, as you naturally enjoy bringing happiness to others. Creativity and self-expression could be essential to your well-being, and you might use art, music, or performance as a way to nourish both yourself and those around you. With Ceres in the 5th house there’s a potential to seek validation through your ability to nurture, or to overextend yourself in relationships by always trying to bring joy to others. You may also struggle with balancing fun and responsibility. The key to a fulfilling expression of this placement is embracing your own creativity and joy while allowing others the space to develop their own individuality without dependence on your care.

Ceres in the 6th 🏡: Ceres in the 6th house expresses nurturing through acts of service, health, and daily routines. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in practical, tangible ways—whether through providing support in their daily lives, helping with work, or encouraging healthy habits. Your way of showing love often involves cooking nutritious meals, assisting with tasks, or offering advice on wellness and self-improvement. You may be drawn to careers in caregiving, healing, or service-oriented professions. Taking care of pets, maintaining a structured lifestyle, or engaging in activities that promote well-being can also be deeply nurturing for you. Your own sense of security often comes from having a stable routine and feeling useful to those around you. Ceres in the 6th house has the tendency to overwork yourself or place too much of your self-worth on how much you do for others. You may struggle with perfectionism or neglect your own needs in favor of helping those around you. Ensuring that your caregiving doesn’t turn into self-sacrifice and that you also prioritize your own health and well-being.

Ceres in the 7th 🏡: Ceres in the 7th house expresses nurturing through relationships, partnerships, and one-on-one connections. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in a way that fosters harmony, balance, and mutual support. Your way of showing love involves emotional presence, fairness, and being a reliable, supportive partner in both romantic and platonic relationships. You may be drawn to partners who are nurturing themselves or who appreciate your caring and attentive nature. Commitment and partnership are deeply tied to your sense of security, and you likely feel most comfortable when you have strong, supportive relationships in your life. You may also enjoy mediating conflicts or offering emotional guidance to those you love. Ceres in the 7th house can give too much in relationships or to depend on others for validation. You may prioritize taking care of your partner’s needs while neglecting your own. The key to balance is ensuring that your relationships are reciprocal, where you receive just as much care and nourishment as you give.

Ceres in the 8th 🏡: Ceres in the 8th house expresses nurturing through deep emotional bonds, transformation, and shared intimacy. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others on a profound, soul-level, offering them support through life’s darkest moments. Your way of nurturing is intense and deeply personal, often revolving around themes of trust, emotional healing, and shared resources. You may be drawn to relationships where you can play a protective or transformative role, helping others through crises, personal growth, or even financial support. You might also have a strong interest in psychology, healing, or spiritual regeneration. Your own sense of security often comes from deep emotional connections, and you may feel a need to merge with others in meaningful ways. There is a potential for control issues, emotional dependency, or fear of loss. You may struggle with letting go or experience power dynamics in your relationships. The key to balance is learning to nurture without attachment, allowing love to be a source of empowerment rather than control. Healing yourself emotionally is just as important as helping others heal.

Ceres in the 9th 🏡: Ceres in the 9th house expresses nurturing through knowledge, adventure, and personal growth. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others by expanding their horizons—whether through education, travel, philosophy, or spiritual guidance. Your way of nurturing often involves encouraging others to explore new ideas, embrace different cultures, or seek out experiences that broaden their perspectives. You may be drawn to teaching, mentoring, or sharing wisdom as a way of providing emotional support. Your nurturing style is often inspirational, helping others find meaning and purpose in life. You might also feel most cared for when you have the freedom to explore, learn, and experience life without limitations. Ceres in the 9th house can overlook emotional needs in favor of intellectual or philosophical ideals. You may also struggle with restlessness, always seeking the next adventure rather than being fully present. Integrating emotional depth with your love for exploration, ensuring that both you and those you nurture feel secure while embracing growth and new experiences.

Ceres in the 10th 🏡: Ceres in the 10th house expresses nurturing through career, responsibility, and public influence. You feel most fulfilled when you can provide care and support on a larger scale, whether through your profession, leadership roles, or by setting an example for others. Your way of nurturing is often structured, goal-oriented, and tied to achievement—you may see success as a way to provide stability and security for yourself and those you care about. You might be drawn to careers in caregiving, counseling, social work, or any field that allows you to support others in a tangible way. Alternatively, you may have experienced a childhood where responsibility was placed on you early, shaping your view that love and care are connected to duty and ambition. Your sense of security comes from feeling respected and accomplished. Prioritizing work and public image over personal emotional needs. You may also take on too much responsibility for others, feeling like you must always be the provider or protector. Recognizing that nurturing isn’t just about external success—it also involves emotional connection and self-care.

Ceres in the 11th 🏡: Ceres in the 11th house expresses nurturing through friendship, community, and shared ideals. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others in a way that supports their individuality and contributes to the collective good. Your way of nurturing is often expressed through acts of kindness, encouraging others to pursue their dreams, and being a source of emotional support within social circles or groups. You may be drawn to humanitarian efforts, activism, or group-oriented work that allows you to help others on a broader scale. Friendships and social connections play a significant role in your sense of security, and you likely thrive in environments where collaboration and mutual support are valued. You may also be someone who nurtures through innovation and progressive ideas, helping others see new possibilities for their lives. With Ceres in the 11th house there’s a potential to prioritize the collective over personal, one-on-one relationships. You may struggle with emotional intimacy, focusing more on helping groups than forming deep, personal connections. Ensuring that while you nurture the world around you, you also allow yourself to receive personal care and emotional support from close relationships.

Ceres in the 12th 🏡: Ceres in the 12th house expresses nurturing in a deeply spiritual, intuitive, and often self-sacrificing way. You feel most fulfilled when you can care for others through unconditional love, emotional healing, and acts of quiet support. Your way of nurturing is often subtle, working behind the scenes to provide comfort and care, sometimes without others even realizing it. You may be drawn to helping those who are vulnerable, such as the sick, the lost, or those in need of emotional or spiritual guidance. You might also find solace in artistic, mystical, or meditative practices that allow you to connect with something greater than yourself. Your nurturing style often involves deep empathy, and you may feel the emotions of others as if they were your own. Ceres in the 12th house have the tendency to neglect your own needs, over-sacrifice, or take on the burdens of others without boundaries. You may also struggle with feeling unseen or unappreciated for the care you give. Learning to nurture yourself just as much as you nurture others, recognizing that true compassion includes self-care and emotional boundaries.

[rosenecklaces]

This genuinely makes me realize not once elain ever calls him pretty let alone cute lmao i.... sorry to this man and elulus but without her pov our girl had not even been SUBTLE about what she thinks/seem him as (a literal stranger shackled to her)

People want to make Elucien this whole 'enemies to lovers' grand love story. Instead, they are 'bored to indifferent to attracted other people' story.

They aren't enemies. They don't hate each other enough to be that. They are not lovers. They don't like each other enough to be that.

They are two ships passing one another in the night.

If Elain, like her sister, would've glanced upon Lucien and whispered 'he is the most beautiful man I'd ever seen' then yeah...endgame. Instead, she looked at Azriel's hands and murmured 'beautiful'.

If Lucien, like Azriel, cried 'I am getting her back' instead of yelling at Tamlin saying 'get her back', then yeah...endgame.

Instead, it's Azriel giving up a siphon and sneaking into Hybern and actually getting Elain back.

Sarah Janet's writing isn't so mysterious that you couldn't see an endgame couple a mile away.

[conceptionsofconciousness]

The Essential Fundamentals of all 27 Nakshatras

Every Nakshatra has a specific theme that represents what it is about. This post embodies short descriptions of each Nakshatra to give a quintessential understanding of their natures.

Ashwini Nakshatra is revered as "The Star of Beauty and Speed."

Ashwini is known giving natural strength, health, and beauty. Natives of this Nakshatra possess a quick, energetic nature that infuses them with a vibrant zest for life. Those influenced by Ashwini have a gift for enhancing the beauty and speed (vitality) of others through medicinal miracles and infusing life into them against all odds and reason.

Bharani Nakshatras is revered as "The star of bearing and supporting new life."

Bharani is known for its nurturing qualities. This Nakshatra symbolizes the act of giving birth to creativity and newness into life. Those born under the Bharani are believed to possess a deep sense of responsibility and dedication towards nurturing a creation's existence, even if it entails personal sacrifices and struggles. Much like the process of childbirth itself, Bharani represents the laborious journey of bringing forth newness into the world, characterized by both the pain and joy that accompanies such a transformative experience.

Krittika Nakshatra is known as "The star of insight."

Krittika natives possess a unique talent for breaking down complex concepts into smaller, more manageable components. With a keen eye for detail, they are able to unravel intricacies that may elude others. These individuals excel at dissecting information and gaining a thorough understanding of intricate subjects. Their precise and methodical approach allows them to navigate through intricate systems with ease, making them masters of subdividing the most challenging of tasks.

Rohini Nakshatra is known as "The star of procreation, creativity, and fertility."

Linked to the moon and the deity Brahma, Rohini embodies the daughter of Lord Brahma, who was the source of his inspiration to bring life into the world. Individuals born under this nakshatra are believed to have an exceptional imagination, brimming with creative thoughts and ideas that foster life and innovation.

Mrigashira Nakshatra is referred to as "The star of searching."

Mrigashira people are often described as eternal seekers, perpetually in pursuit of something just beyond their grasp. They embody a relentless curiosity and an insatiable thirst for knowledge or pleasure, propelling them to explore every possible avenue in their quest for fulfillment. Like a restless deer darting through a dense forest, Mrigashira natives are renowned for their agility in navigating through ideas and concepts, always in motion as they chase the next spark of inspiration or joy.

Ardra Nakshatra is known as "The star of destruction."

The karmic journey of those born under this Nakshatra is characterized by a unique energy dedicated to paving the way for new growth and transformation. Their karmic life aim finds themselves dismantling, destroying, and unlearning old patterns, making room for fresh opportunities and creativity to thrive. Similar to a powerful storm that sweeps away debris, Ardra natives excel at breaking down barriers and obstacles, moving forward with clarity and purpose. Their presence is dynamic and intense, yet ultimately acts as a catalyst for positive change and evolution.

Punarvasu Nakshatra is known as "The star of repetition."

Much like a recurring cycle, those born under this Nakshatra karmically find themselves revisiting situations or opportunities, each time bringing a fresh perspective or renewed energy. These natives living the lesson of learning about how smaller patterns fall within larger ones.

Pushya Nakshatra is often referred to as "The star of devotion and blossoming."

Pushya embodies the significance of maintaining steadfast faith and commitment to core values. This nakshatra imparts the karmic lesson that when we truly believe in our cause, we are on the journey to flourishing and growth. Much like a delicate flower that requires devotion and care to blossom, our dedication to our beliefs and values can guide us towards a life abundant with fulfillment.

Ashlesha Nakshatra is revered as "The Star of Embrace."

Ashlesha is renowned for its deep emotional attachments and intense desires. Individuals with Ashlesha Nakshatra exhibit a fervent clinging to what they love, never letting go easily. There is a profound sense of responsibility towards their loved ones, demonstrating loyalty and dedication that is unmatched.

Magha is known as "The star of gifted power."

The karma of Magha is associated with qualities and abilities that are inherited from one's ancestral family line. Those born under Magha are believed to possess innate gifts and head starts in life, due to the progress they have carried over from a past life. These gifts can be bestowed on them from their family line and passed down. In general, these individuals may find success and recognition coming to them more easily than others, and may excel in areas where they invest minimal effort.

Purva Phalguni is celebrated as "The star of love, romance, and the foundation of good relations."

Purva Phalguni imparts the karmic lesson of recognizing the importance of romantic pleasure while also respecting all aspects of life beyond mere sensual satisfaction. It underscores the value of practicing nobility and exercising restraint to prevent succumbing to excess, lust, and the ensuing suffering that can result from neglecting these virtues.

Uttara Phalguni is frequently hailed as "The Star of Commitments and Marriage."

Uttara Phalguni is linked to karmic lessons focused on embracing love amidst the challenges and ups and downs of unions. Individuals born under Uttara Phalguni are believed to excel at resolving differences and fostering enduring love and intimacy in their relationships.

Hasta is known as "The star of awareness and dexterity."

Hasta Nakshatra symbolizes the deep connection between the mind and hands. It emphasizes the importance of being present and fully engaged in the reality of the world around us. Through karmic lessons, Hasta teaches us that our hands have the power to create wealth and resources through our skills and expertise. It inspires us to wake with the light each day, filled with determination to tackle our goals and ambitions.

Chitra Nakshatra is renowned as "The star of brilliance."

Those of Chitra Nakshatra are distinguished by its capacity to generate complex and innovative designs. Individuals born under this nakshatra are endowed with an innate talent for crafting detailed and multifaceted artworks, whether in technology, architecture, or any other design field. They excel at refining and enhancing existing concepts, demonstrating their profound knowledge and expertise in these areas.

Swati Nakshatra is often referred to as "The star of becoming an individual."

Swati embodies the significance of departing from societal norms and expectations to fully embrace one's distinct identity. This nakshatra inspires individuals to carve their own path and stand out amidst the crowd, even if it requires defying the norm. It serves as a reminder that while nurturing our individuality and uniqueness is crucial, we must also acknowledge our place within a broader collective and aim to foster a connection with the world around us.

Vishakha Nakshatra is revered as "The star of being one-pointed."

Vishakha Nakshatra people are distinguished by their unwavering dedication and decisiveness, steadfastly adhering to their chosen path and goals. Similar to a sailor navigating through turbulent waters, those influenced by Vishakha Nakshatra remain on course until they reach their destination, employing all necessary means to surmount obstacles and challenges.

Anuradha Nakshatra is renowned as "The star of deep devotion."

Those of Anuradha are propelled by an intense sense of love, passion, and commitment, viewing these values as the pinnacle of existence. Tenderness, romance, and affection act as the compass in their lives, molding their actions and decisions with genuine sincerity. Those with Anuradha Nakshatra deeply respect agreements, promises, and laws, understanding the significance of adhering to these values across all aspects of life.

Jyestha Nakshatra is renowned as "The star of the foremost and best."

Jyestha people are often driven by a strong desire for power, prosperity, and a lifestyle filled with enjoyment. They possess a natural strength and determination to excel, using their skills and strength to protect their loved ones. However, the karmic lessons associated with Jyestha Nakshatra caution against becoming overly proud of achievement and position, as this can ultimately lead to their downfall.

Mula Nakshatra is revered as "The star of roots and origins."

Mula represents a profound spiritual journey and a quest to grasp the true essence of existence. Individuals born under Mula are motivated to explore beyond the surface, researching and searching towards revealing the hidden truths of the universe. They are compelled to shatter illusions and liberate themselves from the constraints of superficiality, aiming to establish a connection with the fundamental essence of everything.

Purva Ashadha is renowned as "The star of invincible waters."

Purva Ashadha Nakshatra symbolizes the flowing waters of immense strength and power. These waters have the capability to slice through and obliterate anything in their path, yet they also radiate a soft and cooling essence that renders them both pleasant and bearable.

Uttara Ashadha Nakshatra is often referred to as "The star of ultimate invincibility."

Uttara Ashadha is a true karmic powerhouse, radiating an aura of unbeatable power and strength. Individuals born of this Nakshatra tap into a wellspring of qualities and skills bestowed onto them by the divine. They are driven by an ambitious, relentless drive, pooling resources and gathering social support whenever necessary to achieve a vision or common goal.

Shravana Nakshatra is renowned as "The star of listening."

Shravana embodies the significance of acquiring knowledge and understanding through attentive listening. Individuals born under this nakshatra are endowed with the karmic gift of receptiveness and open-mindedness, enabling them to broaden their wisdom and power. By engaging in active listening without prejudice, they can gather invaluable information and insights, which in turn fosters personal growth and success.

Dhanishta Nakshatra is revered as "The star of sound and action."

Dhanishta personifies the profound karmic insight that the power of sound is of utmost importance. Those born under this nakshatra hold the conviction that all that is heard, received, and comprehended through listening should be applied practically. This belief underscores the significance of not just listening attentively but also acting on the insights gained, going on instinct, and not questioning what must be done.

Shatabhisha Nakshatra is revered as "The star of hundreds of healers or cures."

Shatabhisha Nakshatra is linked to the karma of healing and curing society through enigmatic distant methods of observation. It is regarded as a guardian, overseeing all activities, and evaluating individuals or society with fair and objective perspectives. Individuals born under the influence of Shatabhisha Nakshatra possess the ability to initiate movements and drive change in the face of injustice, should it be deemed worthy of correction.

Purva Bhadrapada Nakshatra is often referred to as "The star of the blessed step."

Purva Bhadrapda is believed to guide individuals towards spiritual enlightenment by highlighting the transient nature of physical existence. Those born under this nakshatra embark on a journey towards understanding the impermanence of life, which leads them to value moments and experiences deeply, recognizing the preciousness of time. This insight enables them to view the world with a critical eye, allowing them to fully embrace the present moment and focus on actions that foster personal growth and the realization of ultimate wealth - which is the recognition of life's fleeting nature.

Uttara Bhadrapada Nakshatra is revered as "The star of the latter blessed steps."

Uttara Bhadrapada embodies a deep karmic acceptance of life's inevitable endings. Individuals born under this nakshatra grasp the spiritual importance of embracing change and transformation, recognizing that death is an inherent part of life. This acceptance fosters a profound sense of inner wealth and prosperity, as people fully embrace the new state of being that emerges from relinquishing the old.

Revati Nakshatra is revered as "The star of prosperity and wealth."

Revati carries significant karmic significance in the pursuit of resources, highlighting the importance of steering clear of greed and fostering compassion by sharing wealth with those in need. Individuals born under this nakshatra are believed to possess a unique ability to guide the lost, utilizing whatever resources they have at their disposal. By aiding others in achieving their goals and getting to a destination, Revati individuals can, in turn, accumulate greater prosperity through "good karma" earned.

Nakshatra Notes Masterpost (Link collection of more detailed paragraph descriptions of all 27 Nakshatras, both positive and negative traits)

[d-z20]

Where There's Anger, There's Still Love (NSFW)

Pairing: Agatha Harkness x Rio Vidal x Reader

Summary: Agathario+U 4eva... or maybe not. After Nicky was born, Agatha tried to outrun fate. When he died, she hid behind the Darkhold. It's been centuries, but finally you and Rio can sense her presence again and decide to go and confront the witch... and your lingering feelings for eachother

-OR-

You've missed her, Rio's missed her, and she's missed you both. What better way to welcome her back then with your fingers and mouths?

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, canon divergence, reader is a healer/white witch but it's not a major plot point, smut, top Rio, top reader, bottom Agatha, threesome, fingering, oral sex/cunnilingus, minor angst/hurt, comfort, maybe more idk I'm tired and can't think properly

Words: 3.5k

A/N: Two fics in two days? who am I?!?! Requested fic

Masterlist

The memories of your past come in honeyed fragments, softened by time but no less potent. Agatha’s sharp and wicked laughter, how it used to spill over Rio’s amused huffs, and curled around you like the low flicker of a candle’s flame. The three of you built something rare. A love that glowed from the inside out, that didn’t just exist but thrived. It was weighty, permanent—at least, you thought it was. A promise spoken between lips that knew the taste of each other’s magic. Sealed in touches that lingered long after the heat had faded.

You remember nights in their arms, bodies tangled beneath moonlight that filtered through worn curtains. Rio’s calloused fingers trailing idly over your stomach, Agatha’s lips pressing against the pulse at your throat, soft and absent-mindedly, as if she were memorising the rhythm of your life. You were the warmth between them, the gentle touch to their sharp edges. Where Agatha was wit and deception, and Rio was raw and unrelenting power, you were something softer, something whole. A balance. A balm.

But then came Nicholas. A love-born tragedy.

You remember the night he was born—the way Agatha screamed, not from the pain of labour but from the knowledge of what awaited him. You remember Rio, standing by the river, flower in hand, shadows pooling at her feet.

“He was never meant for this world,” Rio had said, voice low, heavy. Certain. “His soul is not his to keep.”

Agatha had turned to you then, eyes wet and frantic. “You can fix him. Please. You can heal him.” Her fingers had clutched your wrists, her magic sparking against your skin. Desperation made a ruin of her.

You knew the truth even then. There was no healing what was never meant to be whole. But you had nodded, because how could you not? How could you bear to be the one who let hope die in her hands?

Rio had sighed, something deep and aching. “I can give him time. That is all.”

It was not enough. But Agatha took it anyway.

And so she ran. She ran from Rio, from you, from inevitability itself, as if distance alone could rewrite fate. And for six years, it almost seemed like it worked.

Nicholas laughed and played and lived. He was warm in her arms, bright in her eyes, whole in a way no borrowed thing should ever be. You visited when you could, but Agatha kept you at arm’s length, afraid of what you represented. Afraid of the truth you carried in your silence.

You had told her once: You cannot save him from his fate. You can only love him through it. But Agatha had never been one to accept inevitability.

And then, one night, he closed his eyes, never to open them again.

He had fallen asleep curled against Agatha’s side, his small fingers still tangled in the fabric of her shirt. When she woke, he was cold. Gone.

You weren’t there when it happened. But you arrived to the sound of Agatha’s grief tearing through the forest, through you, through the very bones of the world. She was still holding him, her body curled around his, whispering prayers into his cold skin. Rio stood at their feet, quiet, unmoving. It wasn’t cruelty. It wasn’t indifference. It was duty, old as time itself.

"You took him," Agatha choked, her voice hoarse from all the crying.

"You knew I would," Rio said.

You reached for Agatha, hands trembling, but she did not see you. Did not feel you. There was only pain. You saw it in the way her shoulders curled inward, in the way her fingers clutched at Nicky’s lifeless form, as if keeping him close could bring him back again.

"You let this happen," she spat. And you knew she wasn’t speaking to Rio alone.

His death left an open wound, and Agatha—Agatha turned her grief into something serrated, something that cut as deep as the loss itself. She did not cry in your arms. She did not seek comfort in the home the three of you had built. Instead, she wielded her sorrow like a weapon and turned it against the only two people who still held onto her.

She couldn't bear to look at either of you—not when every glance felt like a reminder of the choice she had been forced to make, of the son she couldn’t save. In her eyes, Rio had taken him, and you had let it happen.

So, she left again. Hiding behind the Darkhold, where neither you nor Rio could reach her.

You searched at first. You wrote letters and traced spells into candle wax, hoping she’d feel you reaching for her. You went to places you knew she’d been, places where she had used her power, places where the walls still hummed with her presence. You stood outside doors that would never open and called her name into the kind of silence that bruised.

Again, and again, and again.

But she never answered.

Without Agatha, you and Rio had only each other to hold onto. And by the Divine Mother, how you held on. In the beginning, it was desperate; grief spilling from both of you in sharp edges, in hands that clutched too tightly, in breaths that stuttered against each other’s skin. It was unbearable alone, the weight of her absence pressing like stone against your ribs. But together? Together, it became something almost survivable.

Rio burnt with it. She drank her sorrow like poison; let it settle in her marrow; let it shape the way she carried herself—spine stiff, shoulders squared, jaw clenched so tightly you swore you could hear her teeth creak. But when she touched you, she softened. And you let her. You let her bury her face against your chest when the nights stretched too long. You let her kiss you slowly; let her hands map the familiar lines of your body as if she were afraid that they too would disappear. You let her love you in the only way she knew how.

She still loved Agatha. You still loved Agatha. But Rio also loves you, and you love her back. So, you built something steady. Something good.

It wasn’t the same; it could never be the same, but it was real. It was healing spells traced onto her back while she read; her body was never hurt but you hoped (in vain) that it could ease the pain in her heart. It was her hands in your hair, the rough pad of her thumb sweeping against your temple. It was always leaving a place at the table for Agatha.

Some nights, you dreamt of her. You’d wake with the ghost of her scent lingering in the air—woody and slightly florally, but with something dark and electric curling at the edges too. It feels like she’s still there, just beyond your reach.

Some nights, Rio whispered in the dark, “Do you think she’ll ever come back to us?”

And you never had an answer. You don’t know if Agatha is someone you’re meant to find again or if she has gone too far from you both to ever be whole in your hands. You only know that Rio still reaches for her in sleep, just as you do. That there is a space between you both that no amount of love, no amount of time, has ever truly filled.

So instead of answering, you’d press a kiss to Rio’s bare shoulder. You’d listen to her breathe. You’d hold her the way you wish you could hold Agatha.

—

The moment Wanda takes the Darkhold from Agatha, and she is left powerless, Rio gasps—a sharp, guttural sound that cracks through the quiet. Her entire body seizes, every muscle locking tight, her fingers digging into the bed like she’s trying to ground herself against something unseen. The air around you constricts and hums with the sudden shift in power, with the absence of something that had tethered itself to Agatha for too long.

"I can feel her."

Rio's voice is raw, almost broken, and your heart stutters; it misses a beat.

It’s been so long, and yet you can feel her too.

Knowing strikes like lightning. Magic thrums in your veins, pulling you toward her. There is no hesitation, no second-guessing.

Rio is already halfway out of bed, her breath uneven, her hands trembling. You reach for her, pressing your palm against the back of her neck to ground her, letting your own magic weave into the space between you. She leans into it for only a second before pulling away, eyes full of something you haven’t seen in years: hope.

“She’s in Westview,” Rio says, shoving herself into the nearest pair of jeans, urgency vibrating off her skin. “I can—fuck—I can feel everything. She’s—” Her voice breaks, and she presses her hand to her chest like she’s trying to hold something in.

You’ve spent so long mourning her, searching for her in dreams and half-formed spells that never led anywhere. Now, she’s real again. Somewhere out there, stripped of the magic that kept her hidden, and you can feel her hurting.

You don’t waste another second. You reach for your boots, for the coat draped over the chair. Magic crackles between your fingertips, thrumming beneath your skin, desperate to find her.

Rio catches your gaze. "We bring her home."

There is no other option.

You nod once. Then, together, you go.

—

Westview is a graveyard of illusions. The remnants of Wanda’s hex still cling to the air, thick and suffocating, like ghosts that refuse to leave. You wade through the wreckage, through the weight of what was left behind, and find her standing amidst it all.

Agatha Harkness—stripped of power, stripped of the Darkhold’s suffocating grasp, stripped of everything but herself.

She is small in the vast emptiness. Smaller than you remember. Just a woman now, no shadows curling at her fingertips, no smirk sharpened into a blade. Just hollowed-out ribs and weary eyes and a body that looks like it might buckle under the weight of its own ruin.

Rio stops dead beside you, chest rising and falling in sharp, uneven breaths. Her magic pulses beneath her skin, hungry and desperate; years of grief and longing compacted into something volatile, something barely restrained. You feel it too. The way the space between you all vibrates with too much emotion, too much history.

Agatha lifts her head, eyes locking onto yours.

And the years fall away. Just for a second. Just long enough for something inside you to splinter wide open.

Her shoulders pull back, her chin tilts up—an old mask fitting over something brittle, something on the verge of collapse. “Come to gloat?” she asks, her voice carrying the remnants of the woman she used to be. Clipped, cutting. But it wavers at the edges. “Or did you just miss the sound of my voice?”

Something inside you snaps.

“You left us,” you say, voice stripped bare.

Agatha exhales sharply through her nose, something flickering behind her eyes—guilt, pain, regret—but she doesn’t let it settle. “I had nothing left.”

Rio scoffs, stepping forward, eyes burning. “So we were nothing?”

Agatha flinches, but the bitterness that twists her mouth is sharp. Defensive. “I thought you’d finally learnt to let go.”

The air between you thrums with all the things unsaid. You step forward, magic sparking at your fingertips, not as a weapon but as a manifestation of everything boiling beneath your skin—grief, fury, longing, betrayal. It crackles, raw and unchecked.

Rio doesn’t hold back. “You think you’re that easy to forget?”

She’s trying to sound angry, but the hurt is there, barely concealed. It seeps into the edges of her voice. Agatha hears it—sees it—and the mask finally falters. Her breath stutters, and she shakes her head, something dark passing over her expression.

“It doesn’t matter,” she murmurs, almost too quiet to hear. “None of it mattered.”

The words are meant to push you away, to wound. And they do. But more than anything, they make something deep inside you twist, furious and aching.

“You don’t get to say that.” Your voice is sharp, edged with something dangerous. “You don’t get to fucking say that after all these years—after leaving us to grieve you like you were dead. You weren’t the only one mourning Nicky.”

Agatha recoils like you’ve struck her. Her mouth opens, then closes, something frenzied building behind her ribs. “Do you think I don’t regret it?” she spits, and her voice cracks. “Do you think I don’t know what I did?”

Her breathing is ragged, hands curled into fists at her sides. She’s trembling, coming apart right in front of you, and there’s no stopping it now. The weight of it all—of Nicholas, of the choices she made, of the years spent running—it all comes crashing down, shattering what little composure she has left.

Then—then she breaks.

Agatha staggers, the weight of everything finally too much, and the second you touch her, it’s over.

She crumbles into you, into Rio, into the only arms that have ever truly held her without expectation, without demands.

Your own hands shake as you wrap them around her. You don’t know if you can still be the warmth between them, if you even should be, but Agatha shudders against you, and Rio lets out something between a choked cry and a curse, and you realise—you never stopped loving each other.

Rio presses a shaking hand to the back of Agatha’s head, pulling her in tight. “You’re such a fucking idiot,” she breathes, voice wrecked, and Agatha lets out a sound that is somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

You don’t speak. You just hold her. Hold her as she clings to you, fingers twisting in your coat like she’s afraid you’ll disappear.

—

You take her home. To the place she’s belonged all along.

The world outside is still broken, Agatha is still powerless, but in this small, sacred space, it’s just the three of you, tangled in grief and longing and something dangerously close to hope.

The air shifts. The fury, the jagged edges, begin to ebb away, leaving something else in its wake. Something raw. Something desperate.

Agatha reaches for you first. She kisses you like she’s drowning, like she’s trying to tether herself to something real. It’s clumsy at first, all shaky inhales and stuttered gasps, but then Rio is there—heat at your back, lips tracing a burning path along Agatha’s jaw. A sharp inhale. A low, wrecked sound that is half relief, half ruin.

It starts slow. It has to. Agatha’s fingers ghost over your skin, tentative and unsure. Rio watches, waiting, breath uneven, eyes dark. There is hesitation, the weight of too much time lost, too much pain endured.

But then Agatha gives in. She leans in, she takes, she surrenders.

When her lips crash into yours, there is no hesitation left. Only hunger. Only the desperate, unrelenting need to consume and be consumed. Hands explore, teeth catch, and nails dig into flesh like an anchor. Agatha gasps against your mouth, and then Rio is kissing her too, swallowing the sounds whole.

It’s messy. It’s frantic. It’s years of longing, grief, and anger, worked out in the way you pull at each other’s clothes, in the way Agatha’s nails dig into your back, in the way Rio’s hands grip your hips hard enough to bruise.

Agatha moans as you grind against her thigh, the fabric of your underwear soaked through, the friction delicious. Her hands tighten on your hips, guiding you, and Rio groans against the crook of your neck, voice wrecked. “I’ve missed this.”

It’s not enough. It will never be enough. Not after years of distance, of pain, of words left unsaid. You need more. Agatha needs more.

With a sharp inhale, she tugs at you, her teeth scraping against your jaw before she shifts, pushing you back onto the bed. Rio is already moving with her, already reading the intent in her darkened eyes.

“Lie back,” Agatha breathes, her voice rough, ruined. “Both of you.”

She settles herself between you and Rio, exhaling shakily as she leans in, her lips dragging over the soft skin of your stomach before her hands trace lower, her fingers hooking into your waistband and pulling your underwear down with aching slowness. Rio mirrors her, her hands firm as she helps rid Agatha of the last of her clothing, leaving her bare and exposed beneath your combined touch.

There is no hesitation, no shyness left between the three of you. You and Rio move in tandem, pressing her back against the bed, parting her thighs between you. Agatha gasps as you press a lingering kiss to the inside of her thigh, Rio doing the same on the other side, your lips trailing over her skin, relearning her like a prayer.

“You still sound so fucking pretty when you moan,” Rio groans in pleasure against her skin, her voice thick with hunger.

Agatha shudders, her fingers threading through your hair, guiding, urging. You and Rio share a look before you both move, mouths pressing where she needs you most. The first brush of your tongue against her has her keening, her fingers tightening in your hair, her body arching off the bed.

It’s frantic at first, desperate, but then it slows and turns into something reverent. She trembles beneath you both, gasping, moaning, a broken sound spilling from her lips as years of tension unravel in the heat of your mouths, in the press of your hands.

Her taste is intoxicating, and every sound she makes fuels the fire burning between your legs. You and Rio move in sync, devouring her like she’s the only thing that exists, like you’ll never get enough. Agatha writhes, her thighs trembling, her hands gripping at the sheets before latching onto you both like she needs to hold onto something real.

You and Rio fall into an unspoken rhythm, alternating between mouths and fingers, neither of you willing to give her even a second to breathe. When Rio presses her fingers inside Agatha, curling just right, you take the opportunity to latch onto her clit, sucking hard enough to make her cry out. A sharp gasp, a curse, and then she’s tugging at your hair, her hips bucking between the two of you.

Then you switch. Your fingers replace Rio’s, stretching her open, working her deeper, while Rio’s mouth descends, tongue flicking and teasing until Agatha is keening, shaking beneath you. There’s a challenge in the way you work together, a growing desperation, a hunger to push her further, to see who can be the one that tips her over the edge.

Her thighs are trembling, always so sensitive, and you take the opportunity to bite down, sinking your teeth into the soft skin, sucking until a bruise blooms there. Agatha jerks, a sharp, choked-off moan ripping from her throat. Rio sees what you’ve done and smirks, following suit, her own mouth marking the other thigh. Agatha is covered in you both, claimed by you both.

“Fuck—” she gasps, her breath stuttering, her body tightening beneath you. “Don’t stop—”

Not like you’d even dare to.

You and Rio press deeper, harder, pulling more desperate sounds from her lips, from deep in her chest. The air is thick with heat, with the wet, obscene sounds of pleasure, with the gasping, panting breaths that fill the room.

Agatha cums hard beneath you both, her release shuddering through her in waves. She cries out, her back arching, her fingers clutching tight, and it’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. You don’t stop until she’s trembling, until she’s begging, until there’s nothing left but her ragged breaths and the aftershocks of pleasure rolling through her.

Afterward, no one lets go. You stay tangled, skin sticky, bodies pressed too close. Agatha’s head rests against your shoulder, Rio’s arms draped lazily around both of you.

No one speaks; the weight of what happened still lingers like a storm waiting to break, but it’s not as sharp anymore. It’s quieter now, more distant. Love doesn’t erase pain, but in this space, it has softened it.

In the stillness that follows, bodies entwined and breathless, there is something new. Something fragile yet impossibly strong.

Rio shifts slightly, the weight of her words gentle but certain. "You’re not leaving again," she says, as if the promise itself could break the last of the silence between you.

“No," Agatha breathes against your chest, her lips warm, her voice cracked but steady. "Not this time."

The world outside can wait. The past is a shadow, but here, in the quiet aftermath, there’s only the present—only the three of you, bound by everything that’s been and everything that will be.

-----

Slowly but surely i'm getting back into the swing of writing the smut for y'all. Got to get my practice in so I ca update Neighbourly Care some time soon oops

-----

taglist: @aceday @danveration @alwaysharmony @lostbutlovely33 @sweetmidnights @6stolenangel9 @jujuu23 @juls-stark

[matrix-fairy]

Divine Talent

In the Matrix Destiny chart, I will be sharing a thread about the talent arcana energies, which is the position you most frequently ask about. The spot marked with X on the map is what we call divine talent, which represents the talents your soul is inherently born with in this life.

1 - You have many ideas and can generate ideas easily. When activated positively, you have the potential to succeed in whatever you touch.

2 - You can understand other people's motivations, that is, you can grasp why they do what they do at a glance. This gives you esoteric abilities.

3 - You have a good taste and a high sense of aesthetics. You have the ability to expand; you can turn a small task into big projects.

4 - You excel in team management and establishing authority. You have a strong talent for attracting money. If money isn’t coming to you, it means you are activating this area negatively.

5 - You have a talent for learning and teaching. You can master anything and explain everything you know in a way the other side can understand.

6 - Your communication skills and sincerity stand out. You are someone people come to for advice, trust what you say, and listen to your words.

7 - You have the ability to progress quickly in any job, reach your desired goals, and inspire change in both yourself and those around you.

8 - It's hard, if not impossible, for others to lie to you. You can approach everything objectively. You can achieve balance and harmony.

9 - You are more mature than your age, and this grants you wisdom. You have the ability to achieve your inner goals (knowing yourself, realizing your dreams and desires) on your own.

10 - This is a placement that brings luck. You have the talent to manage finances easily and spot profitable opportunities. You can easily attract people to yourself.

11 - Your physical and spiritual endurance is strong. You can do everything at once. You know your strengths and can use them in the most accurate way.

12 - Spiritual practices (like meditation, breathing, reiki) work well for you and have healing effects when applied to others. You have a different perspective and can solve seemingly unsolvable problems.

13 - You can make the necessary changes in every area of life and are not afraid to take risks. You can learn multiple things at once. You have the ability to easily absorb deep and detailed information.

14 - You have diplomacy and mediation skills. You can calm conflicts and maintain your composure during these processes.

15 - By opening yourself to others, you can show them what they cannot see in themselves. You can easily identify others' weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and talents.

16 - You are talented in directing people, organizing, and creating strategies. You can foresee events and chart your course accordingly.

17 - Your ability to express yourself is unique and creative. You can be the center of attention in any field you wish, shine, and stand out from the crowd.

18 - Your subconscious is very powerful. You may receive information through dreams, and your dreams may come true. Your manifesting ability is strong; everything you visualize can come into your life.

19 - You have leadership qualities and can inspire/give strength to others for success. You have the ability to not give up no matter what.

20 - You have good speaking skills and can influence masses. You can create systems from nothing and have excellent analytical skills. It's hard to confuse you.

21 - You have an aptitude for foreign languages and cultures. You can adapt to any environment. You can produce knowledge and content for a wide audience or listener base.

22 - Your decisions and thoughts may be unpredictable by those around you. You influence people with your positive energy. You can turn every tough task into fun and achieve results that will surprise everyone.

Book a reading with me 🎀

[thefaiao]

Here's a portrait I did based on the movie Hackers (1995), which I'm posting on its own because I want to talk about this movie!

I had never watched the movie before working on this commission, but it was truly magical to watch. I've been kind of taking in what I watched over the last days and it has given me so many thoughts that I don't even know to begin. Watching without any knowledge of how the movie was received, I was shocked to learn that there is a major split in opinions about the movie, which has left me completely puzzled. How can a movie, that in my eyes is simply phenomenal, be even able to receive such negative reviews to this day?

I think the keyword here is what I used to describe the movie: magical. There is a magic circle that needs to be accepted and entered for you to truly enjoy the movie, and see how the silly sequences are a depiction of reality that is juiced up, and not a substitute of reality. If you just take the movie at face value, you won't be able to appreciate how this effect works. You'll think just because an interface is translated as two obvious HACK buttons, they can in no way actually be depicting hacking. But they are, the movie does a lot to show its appreciation and love for the scene, with accurate references to relevant books, multiple little "tricks" like phreaking and resetting the phone to call someone other than your lawyer when you get arrested. You can appreciate that effort and also how it was dressed up to resonate more with a larger audience, and keep the movie's amazing pace!

Now there are also things that maybe were taken for granted in movies of this time. The set design and costumes are fantastic, and somehow still feel fresh today. Maybe they are not realistic but they are effortlessly cool in a way I think almost no one does well nowadays. All the characters are visually strong and are immediately identifiable, on top of having great chemistry and represent a decent variety of archetypes. Despite being a movie, it communicates strongly that this world is bursting with life and character, that the game is not set, and that there is still future ahead of us. They have a scene of the main guy wearing lingerie in a dream, and the main girl joyously, sincerely smiles at the thought. That is a deep understanding of the human spirit.

Yet it kills me! It kills me that people watch this movie and think it's "terrible" or "cringy", that they don't have eyes to see how much heart it has. People have convinced themselves that reality can only exist within their brain specifically, that there is no use for magic, even in movies, even in books and games. What's the point of being smart if you just want all the answers handed to you? The abstraction is not a defect, it's a working piece.

The people who saw the world through these cold lens have removed all of the punk and empowerment that the movie champions. They boiled down the culture to just code and went on to make lame companies that serve to optimize suffering and take the people's ability to actually interface and express themselves through computers and electronics as a whole.

You can accept both the material reality and understand the purpose of abstraction and interpretation beyond furthering material gain. Perhaps the movie didn't intend to show me such a complex message, but that's what I got from it, and it gave me room to interpret it that way, allowed me to be curious.

That's all I have to say. Maybe I'm preaching to the crowd, but whatever. When you approach something, have heart! Without your heart, your head would have no blood, and your mind, no thoughts. Treasure, and use, it!

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

Simple Astrology Observations

People with Leo placements often feel very self-assured. Since Leo is ruled by the Sun, which represents one’s core self, those with Leo placements tend to have a strong sense of identity. You cannot tell a Leo who they are—they are more likely to tell you who you are.

If you have Cancer placements, emotions play a significant role in your life—not just in how you feel, but in the emotional themes that guide your decisions. You need to feel emotionally clear and balanced in whatever you pursue. The energy of a space matters to you, and you seek to create a sense of peace, both for yourself and those around you. Cancer placements are deeply caring, prioritizing emotional security and the well-being of others.

For those with Gemini or Virgo placements, communication is incredibly important. Virgo, ruled by Mercury, values precision in speech, ensuring that their ideas are conveyed clearly and accurately. They take communication seriously, paying close attention to the words they use and how they structure their thoughts. Gemini, also ruled by Mercury, thrives on expression. The worst thing for a Gemini is feeling unheard or unable to share their thoughts. Communication is the outlet through which they process their many ideas, and without it, they can feel restless and unsettled.

Taurus and Libra, both ruled by Venus, prioritize love and connection. Taurus dislikes being single, as love is deeply ingrained in their nature. They seek to nurture and nourish those they care about, especially their closest relationships. Similarly, Libras thrive in love. They value bonds and daily communication with those they cherish. For a Libra, talking regularly with loved ones—whether friends or a romantic partner—is essential to their well-being.

Aries and Scorpio share a strong, feisty energy due to their Mars rulership. People with these placements are more prone to conflict, including physical altercations, even if they aren’t the ones to initiate them. Additionally, Mars’ influence heightens their desire for physical intimacy, making it a central aspect of their personality and emotional well-being. Aries and Scorpio placements often feel a deep need for consistent and passionate physical connection to maintain their spirits.

If you have Sagittarius or Pisces placements, you are driven by an insatiable desire for more—more experiences, knowledge, and growth. These signs do not settle easily, and even when they appear to, their minds are often wandering, imagining new possibilities or planning their next adventure. Stagnation is unsettling for them.

Aquarius and Capricorn, ruled by Saturn, often feel as though they are walking an uphill battle in life. Whether due to strict parenting, restrictive work environments, or self-imposed limitations, they frequently experience a sense of constraint. Aquarius, in particular, craves change and can be unpredictable, making them difficult to keep up with. Their transformations tend to be sudden and unexpected rather than gradual.

For Pisces placements, imagination is everything. Attempting to force a Pisces to be more “realistic” or grounded disrupts their natural flow, making it difficult for them to feel at peace. It is often better to let a Pisces exist in their dreamlike state rather than trying to pull them down to reality. If you do, you may encounter their less pleasant side.

Those with Scorpio placements experience profound transformations throughout life. Who they once were often feels distant from who they become. Their journey involves peeling back layers of buried emotions and illusions until they finally uncover their deepest truth. At some point, every Scorpio placement undergoes a powerful awakening where they recognize and embrace their authentic self.

If you focus on your rising sign, you may find it to be one of the hardest placements to internalize. The rising sign represents how you show up in the world, but it may not feel like an accurate reflection of your true self. For example, if you have an Aries rising but a water sun and moon, you might struggle to keep up with the fiery, bold energy others perceive in you. On the other hand, if your rising sign aligns closely with your sun sign, it will likely feel more natural.

The Midheaven (MC), though often associated with career, represents a broader sense of achievement and purpose. An Aries Midheaven may indicate a life goal of cultivating independence and authenticity, while a Libra Midheaven might strive for harmony, balance, and meaningful relationships. Rather than dictating a specific career path, the Midheaven reflects the aspirations that align with one’s true self.

Pluto is a planet of power, but many people develop an imbalanced perception of it based on how they were raised. Your relationship with your Pluto placement is deeply influenced by your upbringing. However, Pluto ultimately reveals where your power and influence lie in this life, making it one of the greatest tools to harness for your career, relationships, and daily life.

Neptune is the planet of the unseen, and your Neptune placement reveals where you lack clarity. It represents areas of life that feel elusive, confusing, or difficult to grasp. For example, having Neptune in the fifth house may indicate struggles with understanding romance, self-expression, courting, or dating. These aspects of life may feel unclear or difficult to navigate.

Uranus is the planet of progression, and your Uranus placement reveals the areas of life where you feel driven to grow and evolve.

Jupiter is the planet of satiety, representing what you need in life to feel fulfilled, satisfied, and content.

Saturn is the planet of long-term goals, which is why it brings restriction and obligations—these are the challenges we face when pursuing long-term objectives. In this lifetime, Saturn represents what you should aim to achieve.

[yesimwriting]

omg i’m so happy ur taking young coriolanus requests!! i’d love a oneshot of him falling for reader (whos from the districts) and him trying to deal with it

Summary: Coriolanus has no interest in his assigned tribute beyond her potential assistance in helping him win the Plinth prize...or at the very least, that's what he tells himself.

Warnings: Coriolanus being kind of delusional (in deep denial) and possessive, jealousy, a crush being treated like a terminal illness, Coriolanus trying really hard to talk himself out of said crush by comparing the reader to an animal/pet in his internal thoughts

----

His nails dig into the soft skin of his palm with enough force to leave stinging crescents in their wake. He's too far gone to feel the marks, to know when to relieve pressure to avoid breaking skin.

When the idea of having the best and brightest of the Academy's senior class was initially presented, the concerns about having such prominent members of the Capitol interacting so closely with representatives of the districts was highly contested. Most of the outcry had been from concerned parents--wealthy fathers and overly doting mothers desperately attempting to convince their leaders to not subject their poor, innocent children to that kind of proximity with something considered so other.

After all, those from the districts are closer to animal than man. If an outburst of hatred doesn't result in a Capitol heir's life and potential being cut short, perhaps some sort of disease would take them instead.

Coriolanus had found that part ridiculous. Not the way the tributes were seen, but the level of coddling the Capitol elite were willing to openly mark their children with. There are ways to mentor from a safe distance and there hasn't been public knowledge of a strange and fatal virus running through the districts in some time.

Now that he's here, standing at the zoo's entrance under the cover of night, food that he can't truly afford to waste tucked into the pocket of his coat, he realizes how naive he had been to not head their warnings. He's come down with something, that's the only explanation for the sweat coating his palms and the nervous turning of his stomach.

This infliction is something that you've done to him. Unintentionally, of course--your lack of cut throat nature and maliciousness had been a disappointing discovery at the time--but still true. Why else would he come here to feed you when his family can barely feed themselves?

Coriolanus walks further and further into the zoo until the familiar cage is in view. There are a no peacekeepers inside of the space and less than a hand full patrolling the perimeter. It's late and the games are tomorrow morning, any of the tributes that wanted to cause problems would have done so by now.

It shouldn't matter to him, none of them would turn him away. The mentors weren't explicitly told to stay away which means that the peacekeepers wouldn't bother him. He could always say that he's here to discuss last minute strategy, that the earlier bombing had cut his time short and that Dr. Gaul had given Academy students permission to make up that time if they so wished. But the thought of having less of an audience soothes him slightly.

He stands where he had stood beneath the daylight, near the corner, as far from the other tributes as physically possible. Regret begins to knot his stomach. Everyone's asleep. This will be the most alone together the two of you have ever been. It's also so dark, and you're likely asleep as well. How will he find you? Is it wrong to disturb the last peaceful rest you might ever experience?

The more he thinks, the more an urgency he can't wraps itself tight beneath his bones. The sensation, a likely byproduct of his ailment, makes him wish that there was some way to scratch beneath his skin. Right no longer matters, and neither does his growling stomach that begs him to just eat the food he had taken from the Academy's lunch and disappear back into the night. He needs to see you, to see that--

"You're going to be okay." Your voice, a soft whisper that brings him back to the present.

You're awake, the vague shape of your crouched form resting against one of the artificial rocks. You're also comforting someone with a much larger frame. Something in his chest turns to stone.

Here he is, wandering the Capitol streets in the dead of night, a pocket full of food that he had hidden from his own family for your sake and you're--you're not thinking of him at all.

Maybe his infliction had been more intentional than he thought possible. Your kindness could be a ruse and Coriolanus has heard rumors of your people. Some say that your ancestors practiced spirtual arts in order to enchant others. Perhaps you've bewitched him.

His own naivety burns through his chest. You're supposed to be his. If that's how it is, then he's freeing himself of you and your kind eyes and honey-laced voice. He'll--

"Coriolanus," a surprised, careful sound that's much warmer than your attempts at soothing someone had sounded.

His name forces the pinching feeling in his chest to be replaced by an uneasy warmth that crawls its way up his neck. He's suddenly glad for the darkness.

He follows your silhouette as you quickly push yourself to your feet with no regard for the boy next to you. Your movements are swift yet quiet, and the care behind them keeps him steady. You don't want to wake anyone; you want this to be just you and him.

"You're--" You stand so close to the bars that it'd take nothing at all to reach for you. "You're here." You place a hand on the bars that divide you, fingers curling around the cool metal. "Are you okay?"

The question is laughable. He's at the tribute zoo only a few hours before the games begin because some instinct had made seeing you again feel as important and necessary as breathing.

But you're not asking about that. You're asking about him, about his injuries from the bombing. "I'm fine," he assures you, "A little scraped up from the debris and I did lose consciousness, but I was treated for all injuries."

You're finally close enough for the moonlight to make a difference. He can make out the unruliness of your hair from the way that life has treated you since your reaping, the form of your tattered dress, your facial features and...the long gash that now marks your forehead.

"And I was told that you were as well." Someone in passing had mentioned that the tributes were cleaned up after the bombing. They weren't prioritized or given valuable resources, but they were cleaned up. Injuries were cleaned and dressed to prevent infection from getting in the way of the games.

You frown, tilting your head slightly as if to hide the length of the mark. Something in his chest tightens again, the sensation much more aggressive than before. Your smooth, gentle skin now marred...

His own defensiveness hits him like a physical blow. Coriolanus blames the feeling on familiarity. The desire to keep you in the best condition possible is no different than what someone would feel for a prized pet. You're his tribute, after all.

"It sort of happened after."

Panic seizes at his chest. After. One of the peacekeepers or another tribute had hurt you. "Who?" The coolness of his own voice shocks him.

You angle your head downwards, the motion distinctly dismissive. Coriolanus won't accept that. Who are you to hide something like this from him? After everything he's done for you, don't you trust him? His arm moves forward without his permission, pulling at your arm so that your body shifts closer to the bars. His other hand then slips between the poles and grasps your chin firmly between two fingers.

He tilts your head, giving himself the space needed to examine the entirety of the cut. It stretches down the start of your hairline and stops just short of your eyebrow. Not too long or wide, but the dried blood still smeared on you implies that it's deep.

"Who did this to you?"

His hold on you is steady, but not so tight that you couldn't step away if you wanted to. You hold still as he takes the time to examine the rest of your face for injuries. Your acceptance leaves a metallic taste in his mouth. Coriolanus releases you like you might burn him.

"I don't--" Of course you don't want to tell. Your nobility runs so deep, you don't care what it costs you.

An odd wave of distress washes over him. The night air feels wrong against his skin, too cold for the thin clothing he put on in his hurry to get to you. "You shouldn't alienate your mentor the night before the games."

Your lips pull down into what feels like a pout. You stare at him with wide eyes. "I'm not trying to alienate you." The genuineness of your words knots his stomach. "I--I'm glad that you're here, that you're okay." Usually, sugar coated words from you are enough to crack at his exterior. He's feeling a lot less amicable tonight. "The girl from district 4 was aggravated tonight. I think she wanted to intimidate the other careers into listening to her so she targeted Wovey and I was kind of--around."

Translation: your too-good-for-the-arena heart took over and you inserted yourself in a conflict that had nothing to do with you. "I told you to be careful."

You nod solemnly at the reprimand. Your lips part, but before you can say anything, the sound of your name steals your attention. You turn away from him, keeping one hand on the metal bars. "Yeah?"

"Are you coming back soon?"

The question jabs at him like a thumb finding a bruise. The tribute you were comforting may come from the same district as you, but that means nothing in the grand scheme of things. By morning, your destiny to be rivals in the arena will be sealed. He won't risk anything for you the way Coriolanus is. He'd snap your neck in an instant if it meant going back home. Surely, even you're not kind hearted enough to not see that.

You crane your neck to look back at him, but your body stays angled towards the other tribute. The urge to hold you in place, to bring your attention back to him physically aches. Is your final meeting before the games really going to be cut short because of some other tribute? The look you give him is apologetic enough to make his chest constrict. After all he's done for you.

"I'm talking to my mentor." Your response dislodges something from his chest. "Why don't you check on Wovey? I think that'll help."

The sound of shuffling fills the space, and then that's that. The two of you are as alone as two people like you can be.

"It was nice of you to come here," the admission leaves you carefully, "I-I tried to see what happened to you after, but they brought us back here so quickly, and I--"

"It's alright."

He never expected for you to be at the hospital. The mental image is strange enough as a concept in itself. You, sitting in one of those stiff hospital seats, waiting desperately at his bedside. You, in the same room as his cousin and grandmother, all three of you concerned and co-existing. It doesn't fit, you're not like them. You're district. That's inherently lesser, inherently replaceable no matter the level of your charm or--or appeal.

But if that's reality, than why was your name the first thing that stumbled past his lips when he woke up? Why was his first thought after being discharged about getting back to you? Why does the fact that you were sitting with the male tribute from your district turn his stomach? Why does he now have a personal vendetta against the girl from 4? These can't possibly all be things that someone would feel for a favorite pet, can they?

This train of thought is nauseating, and the last thing he wanted for the final night before the games. "I was worried." You force these words out in a jumble of colliding syllables, like if you didn't pry them out fast enough, they'd never manage to find their way out.

Coriolanus watches you carefully, imprinting the details of the small crease between your eyebrows and your nervous eyes to memory. The look tugs at something dangerously close to fondness. "Then you know how I'lll feel tomorrow." That, in itself, is a confession pulled from him the same way a rotten tooth would be extracted. "How I'll feel until you come back."

You stare at him, eyes wide. "If this is about the prize money the peacekeepers talk about, you're doing a good job."

There's a stiffness to the way you say this, a guarded quality that soothes him more than it should. The thought of him only being invested in you only because of what he can get out of your success displeases you.

It's instinct to want to ease you. It'd be easy, too. All it would take is a comment that implies that he can be here for more than one reason. The response sits at the back of his throat. Is that why he's here?

The natural answer is of course. Why else would he lose sleep? What other reason could he have for risking taking Academy food and exposing his poverty? Something he's rarely willing to do for himself and his own family.

"A person can want more than one thing at the same time."

You can't hold his gaze, eyes cautiously darting downwards. The display of shyness makes things feel a little warmer. It makes him bolder. Coriolanus moves his hand again, letting his fingers cover yours. You don't move away.

"I almost forgot." His free hand makes its way into the pocket of his coat, finding the carefully folded napkin. He's going out of his way to emphasize the casualness of food. The only thing caring about this gesture is that he had thought to come, not the food itself. There's no such thing as scarcity in the Capitol. "Here."

He offers the neatly tied fabric in the gaps between the bars. You don't attempt to take back the hand pressed between the pole and his own palm. You take the gift in your free hand and don't attempt to let go of him until you realize that you won't be able to untie the makeshift parcel with one hand.

You open it slowly, examining the contents of his offering carefully. Two biscuits, a few crackers, a small wedge of cheese, and another baked good that reminds him of a denser, more durable version of cake.

"Thank you," The truth to your gratitude forces something uncomfortable to wedge itself between his ribs.

You don't start eating right away, your head instinctually turning back. He realizes what you're doing almost instantly. "If you're going to share everything I give you, there's not much point in bringing it."

A little harsher than he meant to be out loud. It's not your fault. Your family is large and of a taking care of each other mentality. If there's food for one, there's food for all.

You nod, accepting the criticism the way you usually do. It's a good thing that you're so pliable, that you're eager to keep the usual comfortable atmosphere between the two of you. Sometimes, though, it feels a bit like kicking a puppy.

Carefully, you bring a cracker to your lips, chewing cautiously. Taking anything makes you guilty, another byproduct of your upbringing. Sometimes Coriolanus wonders if all of this would be easier if you were brought up like the majority of district children, more ravenous and unapologetic.

You'd told him about your mother before, a free spirit who works in a textile factory that produces lavish fabrics instead of standard peacekeeper uniforms. Even though the work isn't much different, you spoke about it like it made all the difference. My mother loves beautiful things so much she doesn't even care about who they're for.

That had been the first time he had found himself thinking about your appearance. If your mother's love is reliant on beauty, he realized, then you must have grown up with consistent affection.

You speak of her, of your entire family, in a way that confirms his hypothesis. You've told him stories of the way she hangs up the prettiest fabric she can find to hang up and turn one room into two--a necessity with so many of you living in a set of conjoined apartments.

"You're..."

You trail off, pressing your lips together nervously in a way that he's gotten used to. It usually signifies that you're concerned about being impolite. That's another thing that doesn't fit the district mold, even here you hold onto manners and social cues. Even when you first met him, you had fallen back on habit. He had introduced himself as your mentor and you absentmindedly asked how he was in that way that people do when they run into an acquaintance.

Normally, if he presses or even just prompts you once or twice you'll reveal your initial thoughts. They're rarely what he expects them to be. Instead of responding to the light raise of his eyebrows, you pick up a biscuit before stretching your arm towards him.

"Oh, no I'm--"

"You're hungry." That's what you almost blurted out.

You don't mean anything by it, or, at the very least, not anything beyond the realm of worry. Heat rises up Coriolanus's neck slowly but surely. You know nothing of his world and yet you knew that to have his hunger exposed would be embarrassing. You know that it's not the kind of hunger that comes from missing a meal or two on a particularly busy or chaotic day.

"Don't worry," you tack on, "It's not noticeable unless you know what to look for."

The comment is a little too reassuring, too on the nose. Can you read him that easily? Coriolanus takes the biscuit before he can pick apart your comment any further. The corner of your mouth shifts into an almost smile. You then break apart the wedge of cheese and try to hand him that along with most of your crackers and a piece of the pastry.

"No, I can't take all of that."

You stare at him oddly. "You've been injured," you stretch your hand out again, "You need your strength."

There are several reasons why you need your strength more than he does, but he can't figure out how to insist on that without making it seem like this is a final meal. He doesn't want to give you a chance to see it that way, so he takes the a little less than half of what you're offering. "Compromise."

You nod, accepting his terms. He's unsure who starts it, but the two of you end up sitting in front of each other. You smooth the napkin out in front of you, setting up what's left of your food like a makeshift picnic. "My mother used to take me for picnics."

"Yeah?" There's something about your stories about your life back home that are attention drawing. It's not so much mundane content of life in district 8 and the fact that it still managed to produce someone like you, it's the way you speak. You're expressive and bright.

"Mhm," you finish off your first cracker, "Eight isn't exactly full of nature, but there's this wooded area past the factories and if you know where to go, you'll find this clearing that's practically untouched. She'd go there sometimes on days off when she needed to collect wildflowers to turn into paints and she'd bring who she could...me, my siblings, cousins..."

You pick up a piece of cheese, setting it on a cracker. "Neighbors, sometimes." Your voice wavers in a way that sticks out. Despite an initial tearing up on your first night, you haven't cried or behaved in anyway that indicates that this could be your end. He doesn't want you losing hope now. "Tanner used to go with us."

It's whispered with the intensity of a confession. The boy you came with, the boy you were speaking with--you grew up with him. That's a bond that's not as easily dismissed. That's something strong enough to challenge his connection with you.

Why does it matter? He's earned enough of your trust, you spoke in a way that earned more donations than anyone else. You trust him enough to actually fight in the arena. It--it doesn't matter if you...

"Do you care for him?" The question surprises both of you equally. His own bluntness, the slight edge to his tone...it's too much for a mentor.

"Uh," you sniffle once, "He was a good friend when we were little, our families know each other." An knot so tight it's difficult to stay sitting there twists his stomach. "We're a little less close these days."

If you comforting him during the dead of night, losing sleep during your last chance to rest is your version of less close, Coriolanus doesn't even want to imagine your normal. "You shouldn't expect any loyalty during the games, the second the count down begins, there's no such thing as friendship."

You wipe at your face with the back of your palm. "What makes you so sure?"

Your question isn't a challenge or an attempt to convince him that the boy would never hurt you. You're asking because you're curious, because you want to know his thoughts. "Human nature."

It's more nihilistic than he usually is in front of you, but his patience is wearing thin. The soreness of his body is starting to catch up with him and wasting the little time you have less discussing someone so insignificant is draining.

His annoyance has to stem from how little the other tributes matter to him. That's the only reason he can piece together, especially when his brashness is likely pushing you away.

"Then why can I trust you?"

Another question that you mean. It's not a slight or an attempt to indicate that you're not there yet with him. He didn't come here to cast doubt on the bond he so carefully helped build.

He can't look at you as he speaks, "Because I'm going to do anything I can to get you back."

You nod, your eyes retreating to focus on your lap. "For the prize money, for your school."

He picks at the edge of his biscuit, a few crumbs falling to the ground. "I already told you, I want more than one thing."

That's not exactly what he said...this reiteration of it is more blatant. Heat burns his face. You peak up at him through your lashes.

If you had been born in the Capitol, you would have done well. You're found of civility and social norms despite a lifetime in the Districts and despite only knowing you stained in various levels of grime, he can tell that our features are pleasing. Polished, dressed, and brought up differently, you would have been a regular Capitol darling.

Coriolanus shakes his head once, an attempt to dismiss his thoughts. Why care about what you could have been? Why imagine what you'd be like if you were part of his word?

"You're not going to--to rely on him in the arena." It's framed as a question, but in reality, it's more of a hopeful statement.

You pause, genuinely thinking about your response. "No." You rest a hand on your bent knee, gently scratching at the skin. "Not rely."

The answer isn't concrete enough, but he has no right or reason to say much else. "Don't let your guard down. Not for anyone."

You nod, reaching for what's left of your biscuit, "I won't, I promise."

"Good, I'll be watching and I'll remember when you get back."

Get back. You wipe at your cheek with the back of your palm. "Yeah, when I get back."

The dryness of your voice cracks at him. If you consider yourself defeated before even stepping into the arena, you won't come back to him. For him. For the Plinth prize.

He shoves the thoughts down as deep as they'll go. They don't manage to get very far, crowding his throat in a way that makes it hard to breathe. Coriolanus doesn't trust himself to speak, so instead he slips his hand between the cage's bars. He lets his hand sit there, palm facing upwards in a silent offering.

Coriolanus stares at his arm as a way to prevent himself from taking in your reaction. A beat passes, and then the tips of your fingers are brushing against his before settling against his palm. He squeezes your hand tightly, so tightly he's aware that it's probably uncomfortable, but the prospect of holding you so tightly that you can't vanish is too assuring.

"Do you have to--to go soon?"

He adjusts his hold on you, bending his fingers so that they can rest between yours. The rest of his household is asleep by now, but they'd be able to tell if he spent the night here and that would worry them. It would also make the morning much more complicated...he'd have to shower and change before the games begin in order to hide where he spent the night.

"No," it leaves him before he realizes what he's saying, "I can stay as long as you'd like."

A hint of a smile tugs at your lips, "Good."

That makes something in his chest feels like it's going to burst. He shouldn't care. He should see this open display of clinginess as an inconvenience. And why would he risk getting caught as someone that spent the night on the floor of the zoo when there's nothing left to convince you of?

The answer strikes him so harshly he nearly lets go of you. He didn't just want you to ask him to stay to prove something, he wanted the excuse to stay. He--he wants to be near you...and not in the way that someone wants to spend time with a puppy.

The truth to it is simple. Straightforward. He cares about you.

He can hear that you're speaking, but your words are too distant to mean anything.

"Coriolanus?"

No. No. He--he isn't meant to care about you of all people, to feel these kinds of--No. No, he can't. He's not biologically wired to. And yet, he can't let go of your hand.

"Coriolanus?"

He squeezes your hand even tighter. "You didn't ask me."

"What?"

"The other thing I want, you didn't ask me about it." The words leave him in a rush, an uneasy mess that he needs out.

Confessing turns these kinds of thoughts into reality, an undeniable force that he wishes he could vanish. But maybe if he gets it out, the ache of it will be expelled from him. Maybe he'll finally be able to think about something else that doesn't involve analyzing your every expression like your life depends on it.

"No," your eyes are wide, a deer realizing they're not the only ones at the watering hole, "I-I didn't."

A small part of him is disappointed that you don't take the opportunity to press. You usually do, chatting like you're a regular friend and not his tribute. "I'll tell you anyways." He swallows, gripping your hand like a lifeline. You squeeze back, a silent display of support. "It's you."

Your hand goes slack in his. Coriolanus warns himself that it's best to keep his eyes away from you, to not read any--he breaks, gaze snapping upwards to watch you.

"Me?" Your voice is fragile and impossible to read. You lift your intertwined hands as best you can between the poles that make up the cage. You lean forward, pressing your lips against the back of his palm. Your eyes briefly fall shut.

"I--" You set your intertwined hands back in place. "I think the practical thing to do would be to forget about me." The rejection cuts through him. All he can do is stare. "You know what's going to happen tomorrow."

Your twist your hand in an attempt to steal it back as you push yourself upwards, adjusting so that your weight is on your knees. Coriolanus instinctively shifts forward, grabbing your arm to keep you close. He moves to sit up on his knees. "You're going to come back." You stop trying to push him away. "Do you care about me?"

"You're being unfair," your whisper is harsh, "Even--even if I win, where would that leave us?" He's silent. "I'll be back in a cage and you'll stay on the outside, only this time they won't be in proximity to each other."

You're logical. You're right. And he can't bring himself to care. "Do you care about me?"

"Of course I do," the response is frustrated, exhausted, "I think I might even--" Your mouth clamps shut, eyes briefly leaving him. "I think I love you." You drop head, giving Coriolanus only the slightest glimpse of your now glassy eyes. "But what does that matter?"

The word loosens something in his chest. He gets as close to the bars as physically possible, pulling on your arm in a way that almost makes you fall forward. The new proximity seems to drain any remaining fight from you.

He leans forward, his lips finding yours in the space between metal. It takes you a second to catch up with what's happening, but once you do, you return the display of affection. He pulls your bottom lip between his own before releasing you enough to let you breathe.

"Is this real?" The question takes its time coming out, slow and through pants. If he thought thinking about you before was a type of sickness, then this is something terminal. You nod instinctually, urgingly. "Then we'll find a way." You're both resting your head against the bars. If it wasn't for the invasive metal in the way, you'd be resting against each other. "Just come back to me, and everything else--we'll figure it out."

He can write to you. He can find an excuse to bring you back to him. Maybe another aspect of the games--something that requires victors to visit the Capitol.

You nod, acceptance finally coloring your features as you squeeze his hand. "We'll figure it out."

----

a/n i've gotten so many Coriolanus/thg requests,, pls feel free to keep them coming <3

[loveemagicpeace]

🪐Saturn in your life🪐

🦋One thing you should know about Saturn is that Saturn is the planet of restructures, authority, discipline, represent the older people,responsibilities, good and bad karma. And Saturn is protector. He will protect you from the accident & in general from the things that can go wrong. With saturn, we can put too much stress on ourselves and push ourselves over the edge and become exhausted from it. The planet is known for its reality and practicality. Also by a tendency to excessive strictness. His expectations may be too high. Powerful Saturn in the chart it can indicate that we want everything in ours control life to the extent that we consider ourselves to be unsuccessful if we fail to achieve the goals we set for ourselves set themselves. There are some things about Saturn again. 🦋

✨Saturn in 1st house-Saturn in the first house makes the individual very difficult, self-centered or serious. The individual takes himself and life very seriously. You are ambitious, persistent and stubborn. You secretly want to do things in your way. In your own way, you deal with resistance, arbitrariness, etc. In some cases, you want to control others. You are inclined to thinking, withdrawing from the world, thrift and caution. The individual plans, predicts, moves forward slowly and surely. You usually value ​​good reputation and honor very much. Things take a long time to come true. You are also prone to accidents due to negligence or divine intervention. They also showed disappointments, sorrows and heavy responsibilities. You can often feel lonely deep down.

☁️Saturn in 2nd house-Saturn in the second house makes the individual thrifty and conservative, but has an abundance of energy. You have a need to acquire wealth and property. Life progress is delayed or difficult. Saturn in the second house it produces circumstances that do not allow the individual to take full advantage of certain circumstances that may appear in his life. There are constant misdirections, delays that are extremely problematic, and lack of opportunities due to lack of money. At the same time, it can make you a person who works very carefully with money. People will never fool you. But it can create pressure to be able to have money because you can feel that without it you have no power or you are not enough. Saturn here can find enjoyment and live in the moment.

🦋Saturn in 3rd house-these people are very intelligent, smart, thoughtful. They have good concentration and great depth of thought. When they compare themselves to other peers, they feel that they are smarter because their thoughts are much more structured and focused on the chosen topic. A person with Saturn in the third house can be stubborn and dogmatic, if you realize that you are in danger through inappropriate information, you value ​​the knowledge that have been achieved on the basis of experience and practical observations, which you then structure in your memory. A person with Saturn in the third house is very careful when driving vehicles, so accidents and accidents are not very likely.

🫧Saturn in 4th house- The positions of Saturn in the fourth house can be connected with the domestic atmosphere, private matters, relations with parents and family dynamics as a whole. Saturn in the fourth house strongly cools all relationships in the home environment.Home and family may be completely satisfactory, clean and orderly from a formal point of view, but there is emotional emptiness, repulsion and coldness among family members. Maybe it's hard to find or get love. But it is not necessary (some people have a very good relationship with their mother and the mother can be very caring). Here there can be many connections with the father (it is possible that the father is always somewhere on the sidelines or you do not feel a connection with him). You can already feel more independent and less connected to your family at a young age.

⚡️Saturn in 5th house- The ambivalence of this position is manifested in the simultaneous overestimation and underestimation of one's own abilities and talents. A person with this position is not able to openly show his love, but can express it through material forms, for example through gifts. You long for recognition and praise everywhere, because you cannot find it in yourself, and you are so demanding of other people that in the end you can remain alone. These people can be too serious when it comes to having fun. It's hard for you to be childish. You may also be embarrassed to show off your talents or be seen. These people should find their inner child.

🪐Saturn in 6th house you will be happiest when you do work that is related to you and is not tiring. In fact, it is good for these people to do something that is easy and calm. A job that is too stressful can indicate serious health problems and can make you sick many times. The pressures at the workplace are sometimes so difficult that a person is no longer there able to perform his work correctly and with high quality, because he is deeply dissatisfied, hurt and frustrated. Daily habits and tasks (for example, hygiene, cleaning, house order, principles of behavior, etc.)are very precisely determined, as the individual demands absolute order and compliance with the established rules. This position indicates great persistence and patience, which is why a person often keeps a job or a workplace. A person's health is most strained when the individual is stressed day and night with the problems and disappointments he experiences in life, and he sleeps poorly, does not feel well, eats improperly and does not exercise enough.

❄️Saturn in 7th house- these people tend to find true love only later in life. They may have some relationships or one that can change their life. These people can be careful when choosing a person because sometimes they can go too fast into a relationship, which can end up being a big disappointment. You can also be afraid to go into a relationship or you are afraid of disappointment. Maybe you take it very seriously and don't like to get involved with people who aren't serious. Many times you like people who respect themselves and are more like Capricorns or have such traits. These people can also be focused more on people with whom they can be practical and can do something together. This position indicates a marriage with a person who is loyal, extremely hard-working and has a great sense of humor. The other partnerships are also loyal, hardworking on or responsible.

🌙Saturn in 8th house- These people are very connected to mysteries, transformation, things related to death. This position indicates financial problems of a marriage or business partner who is not as well off as the individual. Therefore, this was shown by the lack of benefits in business relations or marriage. Life can be limited by lack of resources. But at the same time, he can bring a person into his life who helps him and together they achieve great power and do business together. Saturn in the eighth house showed a slow death. Old books claim that Saturn in the eighth house, if it is in an unfavorable position and in a water sign, indicates the danger of drowning. They claim that if it is affected by Mars or Uranus, it can mean the danger of accidents that are fatal. Of course, these are just indicators. All I would say is that people with this position can be more optimistic because it will bring them a lot of satisfaction in life.

☔️Saturn in 9th house-you can find faith in something or the meaning of life. That way you will be able to make yourself happy. Too much pessimism can lead you to dissatisfaction and sadness. These people should be spiritual and believe in something. Finding a place that makes them happy is the only way they will be able to deal with saturn. Saturn in the ninth house often indicates the individual's separation from his homeland or the desire to move on to another country. If it is in a good position with the Sun, this is a good indicator of a personality devoted to religion.

💫Saturn in 10th house- It produces an individual with a personality that is highly focused, hard-working, disciplined, level-headed and diplomatic. An individual can have a one-sided view of life that is egocentric. Progress in life is assured, but slow. Saturn in the tenth house is difficult to identify without aspects and sign. In general, it indicates ambitions and the need for a position in society. They have to observe life well and make the right decisions. Sometimes you can push yourself too much when it comes to career business and reputation. You want it all and you can consider yourself as being unsuccessful if things are not going into the way you want it to be.

Saturn in 11th house- Saturn in this house usually means few friends or problems with them. It can also mean that the person has older, more serious friends. This position usually brings an ambitious person whose hopes and dreams are not they have solid foundations. This position indicates a person who wants to succeed in society. It can also indicate that you are too serious when it comes to friendship and that you can quickly resent and leave. You can be a person who is firm and knows what you want and has hard-set goals.

🛼Saturn in 12th house-Saturn in this house causes the person to be modest and timid. A person struggles and has many opponents. This position indicates that he works without recognition or works in solitude. Saturn in this house makes an individual who has hidden pains and disappointments. It is also an indicator of going to prison unjustly. However, it should be understood that prison can be in physical or psychological form. It can also mean being trapped in your own thoughts. But it also means that you can understand life much better than people. This placement leads to a disciplined approach to spirituality, mysticism, and the subconscious mind. Saturn here can also have a hard time letting go.

🎸For personal readings u can sign up here: https://snipfeed.co/bekylibra 🎸

-Rebekah🦋🩵🫧

[spear-of-moonlight]

ATOM AND A STAR | LEE MINHO

genre: angst with a happy ending warnings: language, insecurities, crying, break up, alcohol, making out, argument, anger —wc: 4.9 k a/n: i think the creative writer in me died a bit after a week of nothing but academic papers. so i'm very proud of this one :)this was also requested, but i lost the request somehow masterlist

You were someone even the moon would remember, someone whose name should be written into the sky as a constellation. The same moon that Alexander and Shakespeare gazed at would wish it could smile back at you. You were eager to etch everything into your brain—books, languages, music, people, the world. You were perfect, a child every parent wants, and a partner every person wants. And Minho was lucky enough to have you, to be yours. What did I do to deserve this?, he'd often catch himself thinking. He'd ask you that sometimes too, and you, ever so smooth, would reply "Not nearly as much as I did to deserve you". He was lucky enough to be the one to make your heart flutter, to be the one to see what you looked like waking up to the light painting a rainbow on your sun-kissed skin, to see that smile that was reserved only for him. If he's this lucky, and as grateful as he is, shouldn't he hold you tight and never let go?

Love is often painful. Even when you're having the sweetest moments, there would be an ache in his heart. You could be kneeling to ice his sprained ankle, your head on his knee and a kiss there you'd place by instinct. Even that wasn't enough to prove to the nasty voice in his head that said he'd never be enough for you. The voice didn't scream—it whispered, coming out like a snake in the cold, venom rendering his brain immobile against it. He didn't think you would leave him when someone better came along. No, you were too precious for that. You loved him. He'd stare too long in the mirror when you weren't there, nitpicking every little thing he thought was not good enough about his body. He listened too hard, wanting to rip away every part of him that wasn't good enough for you. But then, he thinks, he'd be left with nothing.

Now, he was watching the livestream of the Hermes event you were invited to. Perfect in your career as well, when he couldn't even speak English properly. He saw the cameraman taking a longer time admiring your outfit as you posed, effortlessly elegant in your half-buttoned shirt and flowy coat. Stunning. You were a global ambassador for Hermes, your presence and fashion sense getting you invited to every fashion week. They should be proud to have you represent them, and they were. Minho watched, sadness and guilt swirling in his eyes as he watched you talk to the other guests. All eyes were on you. Understandable. He watched as a gorgeous model smiled at you, and you extended your arm to pose for the cameras. He could never be so composed in an event like that. You weren't there to tell him "It's all in your head, baby. You're perfect."

He let the livestream play as he thought of how inadequate he was. He curled up on the couch, arms locked around his knees which were pressed against his chest as he cried softly. He hadn't cried like this in a while. He always tried to hide his tears around you. Because if he didn't, you'd waste your time comforting him. His eyes caught on to the camera panning towards you and a famous actress deep in conversation. It didn't look like polite smiles or small talk to him. You seemed to be having a good conversation. It hurt. Was he smart enough for you? Was he knowledgeable enough? His logic wasn't the buoy he wanted when he was drowning in his own head. It would never tell him to listen to you. So he let the voice in his head whisper to him. He listened helplessly when it told him to leave you. He was going to anyway.

The car ride from the airport had you clinging to him in the backseat as your manager drove you. He smiled at how touchy you got after some time away. "Missed you.." you mumbled, exhausted after the long flight. His heart melted, then ached. Why would you miss him? You should be happy to be away from him and enjoy everything. "I missed you too, jagiya," he mumbled into your hair, an arm wrapped around you and the other on your thigh. You pressed a kiss into the crook of his neck, and his heart fluttered. You've done this a million times, but he'd still get butterflies. He wishes the butterflies would help him fly away. Far away. Away from you. His heart burned just for thinking that.

You both got to your shared dorm and he had food ready for you. Of course he did, you thought. Your precious baby. You pressed him against the kitchen counter and kissed him—soft, yet hungry. You had missed him. Your tongue slid past his parted lips, kissing him as if you were revising the shape of his mouth. Your hands were on his hips, his hands were on your chest, palming the muscle. An "I love you, darling," was whispered against his lips. "I love you too," he said, quickly exiting your embrace to serve the food. You ate, enjoying every bite of his love you could feel from the food. You were too tired to notice how he looked at you with guilt, an apology in his eyes.

✦

You were on the bed, reading a book you'd been halfway through before the Paris trip that you'd forgotten to take with you. Minho stood in the doorway for a while, admiring you, before walking in. As interesting as that book was, you set it down, sitting up when he sat next to you.

"I have something to say," he said, avoiding your gaze for a bit before finally meeting it. You tilted your head slightly. "Go on," you said with a reassuring smile. His chest tightens. Here you were, offering reassurance when he didn't deserve it by any means.

"We should break up." The words were final—not a question, no hesitation(at least none that's perceptible)—final. Your heart dropped like a stone in an ocean, sinking to the bottom and refusing to move. You could swear it stopped for a second. Words tried their best to claw out of your throat, but your brain massacred them, wanting to know.

"What?" You were hoping it was a joke. Or maybe something he'd take back. But that hope flickered out like a candle flame in a storm when you saw the look in his eyes. He looked certain, no eyes flitting around and no trembling lips. It was like staring at a stranger.

"We should break up." He had the audacity to repeat that as if the reason you were confused was because you didn't hear it.

"Why?" the word fell from your lips, a desperate plea, as helpless as a child. Your logical side fought, but your emotions suppressed it. "Why do you want to break up with me? If it's something I did, I promise I can fix it. Just tell me, I'll-"

"You can't fix it." His heart felt like a deranged prisoner, desperate to break out of his ribs. He knew just how much he was hurting you. And yet, he continued. He convinced himself this was for the best—that you'd be much better off without him. "What did I do, Minho?" You didn't care how weak you sounded. Not when your heart was being ripped apart like a paper with secrets on it. Was he determined to break you? For a split second, you hated him. That was your logic getting the upper hand.

"You didn't do anything. You're perfect. I just don't love you anymore." Lie. Lie. An absolute lie. He felt like the greatest actor in the world, keeping his face stoic even as his heart beat faster at the mere sight of you, even as his lungs yearned for your scent, even as his fingers twitched as if to reach out to you, even as every fibre of his being wove itself into a knife that was tearing at his insides.

Your eyes darkened. Was he serious? He didn't love you anymore? "Then why the hell did you have food ready for me when I came home yesterday?" you spat, voice coming out bitter and harsh as they broke out of the confines of your lips.

"I mean, I still care, obviously-"

"Don't. Just tell me the real reason, Minho. I refuse to believe you don't love me anymore." Weren't you right? He looked at you with those eyes every second of the day, that look you would sacrifice anything for.

"This is the real reason. I don't know why, but I feel like we're not compatible anymore. We…should've just stayed friends." He wondered if you could see through his lie. Were you aware of how every ounce of self hatred in him seemed to multiply? Could you tell he wanted to disappear off the face of the earth? You scoffed. You didn't want to show your sadness, so you scoffed. You worried that your heartbreak would make him guilty. But you wondered if he was telling the truth. You were away a lot, you cancelled plans a lot, you were too tired a lot of times. God, was he telling the truth? Tears pierced the corners of your eyes like needles. You forced yourself to still your bouncing leg.

"Fine."

Was that all you were going to say? Minho didn't have the right to be mad. He nodded softly, making sure his walls stay upright. You watched as he walked out, closing the door behind him. You let out a shaky exhale, walking over to the door and locking it. You allowed the tears to flow, barely making a sound as you sucked in your breath every time you thought you'd be audible. You just lost Minho. Would you be able to be friends with him? You needed him in your life in some way, but would that need overpower your heartbreak? You felt as if you should've fought, even though Minho said it was because he didn't love you anymore. You have always been good at coaxing things out of him, no matter how hard it was for him to say. He'd told you about the diet the company was putting him on, he'd told you about the hate comments, he'd told you about the disrespect at an event, he'd told you about the shoulder aches he hid to keep dancing. So why didn't he tell you about this earlier? You liked to think you were perceptive. Then why didn't you figure out the fact that he didn't love you? Why did he keep acting like he did? You buried your face in your hands and sobbed, still careful not to make a sound. Were you afraid of Minho hearing you? You didn't know.

That night—for the first time since you moved into this apartment—the both of you slept in different rooms.

✦

Days passed. You wished to be the sun, to rise up every day without a care in the world. You wished to be the autumn leaves, to dance despite having fallen. You stayed in the studio late, avoided eye contact with Minho. He stayed out too, and made sure not to get out of his room when at home. He couldn't bear to see you. You left early, way before he even woke up. That wasn't an unusual occurrence, but you used to kiss his forehead and make him breakfast before you left. You came back late, but Minho wasn't there waiting for you. There were times you'd caught yourself heading to his room, or picking up two plates, your muscle memory betraying you.

Minho was in shambles—movements robotic during practice, easily frustrated, and sobbing into his pillow every night. He missed you. He needed you. He made the biggest mistake of his life and convinced himself it was for your own good. He was lost in thought, and next thing he knew, he was at a small diner, empty soju bottles gathering around him. His mind was drowning in alcohol and thoughts of you—your smile, your hugs, your kisses, your voice, just you. When the grandma at the diner refused to give him more soju, patting his shoulder and telling him it's too dangerous, he paid and left. He hailed the first taxi he saw and gave the driver his address.

Stumbling into the place he called home, climbing stairs with a clumsy grip on the rails, he rang the doorbell. He was too drunk to remember the door code. His eyes lit up like a city at night when he saw you open the door. Too far gone to register the fact that you were his ex, he threw himself into your arms, clinging on as if he needed you to live. He did. He giggled, nuzzling into your warmth. "Missed you…" Your eyes widened. You held him, obviously. He'd fall otherwise. Your heart ached, hearing the soft giggle you haven't heard in days, holding him after so long. Hugging him was always everything to you. If that wasn't what heaven was, you'd mistake it for hell. Despite your heart shattering in your chest— the pieces piercing into your lungs, your mind screaming at you to let go—you pulled him closer, holding him as if trying to memorise the feeling of him in your arms. You didn't think you'd get to do it again. You shut the door and led him to the couch, helping him sit down. He pulled you down with him, immediately climbing into your lap once you were sat on the couch. He cups your face in his hands, looking at you as if you held the world.

Your heart ached. But the ache wasn't just in your chest—it was in your bones, your soul, every part of you. That wasn't the gaze of someone who fell out of love with you, but of someone who was written in the same ink as you—someone whose soul was entwined with yours before you even met. You were made of him and he was made of you. And you would carve temples out of your ribs if it meant keeping him close, if it meant giving your love a place to rest. His love coursed through your veins like a potion, adorned your skin like gems. So why was it so easy for him to walk away?

You were pulled out of your thoughts when Minho started kissing your neck, hands roaming all over your torso. Your breath caught in your throat as he wove love into your skin. "Minho-" You were interrupted by his lips finding yours, as if this is how it's meant to be. It was. For a moment—your brain clouded with him—all thoughts left your lips in the form of a kiss. A kiss you were forced to break away from when you remembered it was the alcohol making him act this way. Wouldn't he love you without a haze blurring everything? "Let's get you to bed," you insisted, trying to move but he wouldn't let go, wrapping his arms around your neck and pressing soft kisses there. Soft kisses that turned hungry as he sucked a mark into your skin. He smiled, dazed but loving. "I love you.."

Those words weren't soft petals on your heart anymore. They were thorns. He didn't have the right to so callously break up with you, and then drop all of that when alcohol enters his system. You pushed him off your lap, standing up and dragging him towards his bedroom. He whined, clinging to you. "Where we goin'…" The soft pout that you could hear in his adorably drunk voice was enough to melt you like ice cream on a sunny day. But you wouldn't relent. Tucking him into bed as you've always done, you tried not to meet his adoring gaze. How dare he? When you turned to leave, he grabbed your wrist.

"Stay.."

"Go to bed, Minho." It sounded almost venomous. But he wouldn't feel it through the mist of alcohol. It was hard to break away from his grip—not because it was strong, but because you weren't. You desperately clung on to 'in vino veritas', although your mind called you pathetic for it. Why did he lie to you? What if it was something you could've fixed? Love isn't all or nothing, it isn't something to be a perfectionist about. Did he not love you enough to fix whatever it was? Thoughts flooded your brain, conquering your rationality. You forced yourself to go back to bed.

✦

Minho woke up with a pounding headache and absolutely no memory of the previous night—mouth tasting like regret and stomach churning with the previous night's alcohol. He looked in the mirror and saw his disheveled state, grateful that he even got home. He didn't know what had happened after the grandma at the diner told him to not drink more. Padding out of his room into the kitchen aching for a tall glass of cold water, he was met with you. It had been a while since you both were home together like this. Not that it mattered.

His eyes raked over your frame—your body, your hand that was holding a coffee mug, the hickey on your neck. His eyes widened, breath catching in his throat. His heart beat against his ribs, the bones feeling like a prison as he stared wide-eyed at your neck. Jealousy bloomed in his chest, flooding through his veins. Had you really gone and moved on like that? He absolutely didn't have the right to feel what he was feeling at the moment, but he couldn't help it. He was never one to handle bitterness, so he spat out his words.

"I see you didn't waste any time." He didn't know if he meant to say that or not. You turned around, setting your bitter coffee down on the counter.

"What?" He scoffed, the sound coming out sharp. He pointed at your neck, his other hand fisting the fabric of his pants. You touched your neck out of instinct, and you remembered the hickey. Did he not remember? Something in you wanted to hurt him, mislead him so he feels a fraction of the hurt he inflicted upon you. Steeling your gaze, you spoke. "Does it matter?"

"Yes," Minho snapped, stepping forward. The room spun. "It fucking matters." Your lips curled into something cold, cruel. "Why? You made it very clear you don’t care what I do." His eyes widened. Was that defeat? His words didn't come out—preferring to stay in the warmth of his throat—fearing your icy demeanour.

"What, are you jealous?" You sneered, twisting into something cruel. He swallowed, spit feeling like blades as he glares at you. "No." He lied. It was obvious to the both of you. "Good," You said coolly. "Because it’s none of your business." The soft hues of sunlight morphed into red in his eyes.

"Mn." You didn't listen. You turned to open a cabinet.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Mn-"

"What, Minho?" You spun around, eyes blazing. "You don’t get to care anymore. You don’t get to act like this—like you ever gave a damn about me!" Your felt as if you should do something to make sure your heart doesn't beat out of your chest. You couldn't count the emotions swirling inside you.

"I always gave a damn!" Minho shouted.

"Then why did you leave?" The words hung between you, sharp as shattered glass. Minho recoiled. Nothing he says will be enough. But you wanted a damn answer. You stepped closer. "I asked why you fucking left."

"Because-" Because I loved you too much. The words burned like acid, dissolving his throat and leaving him speechless. "That's what I thought," you gritted out. "You don’t get to tell me that. Not after you were the one who ended things. Not after you looked me in the eye and said you didn’t love me anymore."

"I love you."

Your eyes widened. Whether it was surprise or anger, you didn't know. Maybe it was both. You grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, blunt nails pressing against your palm from the tightness of your fist. "Are you that pathetic, Minho? Are you pathetic enough to tell me you love me because you don't like the idea of me having someone else?" His tears weren't cooperating with him, flowing down his cheeks despite his clenched fists and bitten lips he was sure would make them stay. He looked at you, hoping his eyes would give you your answers so he wouldn't have to speak.

"Answer me, damnit!" He flinched, taken aback by the pain that was so obvious in your voice despite the anger eclipsing it.His hands shook. "I lied. I never stopped loving you. I just-" His voice broke. "I thought you deserved better." You stared at him. Was that reason enough to rip your heart out piece by piece? Was that reason enough to lie to your face?

"You idiot," you breathed, voice trembling with fury. "You selfish, cowardly-"

"I know," Minho interrupted, desperate. "I know it was stupid. But I couldn’t stand the thought of holding you back. You’re-" He swallowed. "You’re perfect. And I’m not enough." Your expression twisted. What the hell was wrong with him? You wondered if you did something to make him feel that way, concern diffusing into the anger rushing to your brain. "So you broke my heart because you thought you were doing me a favor?"

"That's not-"

"You don’t get to do this," you hissed. "You don’t get to decide what I deserve. You don’t get to break my heart and then stand there and tell me it was for my own good."

"I was trying to-"

"Bullshit." Your eyes burned. "You were scared. And instead of talking to me, you left. You hurt me. And now you want me to thank you for it? Do you want me to act like you did my a goddamn favour? Like it was some fucking noble sacrifice?" He let out a soft sob. And despite everything, it broke your heart.

"I hate you," You whispered, voice raw. "I hate you for making me love you. I hate you for leaving. And I hate that even now, I still-" You cut yourself off, jaw clenched. He leaned forward, almost imperceptibly, desperate for you to finish your sentence, for it to be what he hoped it would be. You let go of his shirt and he stumbled.

"Mn-"

"You don’t get to break my heart and call it love." Minho’s eyes burned. "I was trying to protect you-" You slammed a hand on the counter. "From what, you fucking-?!!" Your voice rose. "From you?? From us?? I'm not some toy you can throw away and pick back up when you fucking feel like it! You say I deserve everything, but don't I deserve to have you fight for me? Or are your words just a lie like always?" Your words spilled like venom. Your tongue tasted like ash, felt like a knife.

"I couldn’t fight!" Minho shouted. "Every fucking day with you was a dream I didn’t deserve! I couldn’t-" His voice broke. "I couldn’t watch you realize that someday." You turned your head to the side, both to hide your tears and because you couldn't bear to see the pain etched across his beautiful features. "I wanted you," he whispered. "I just… didn’t think I could keep you." You didn't face him. You were grateful that the sound of your heart shattering couldn't be heard. He sank to his knees, burying his face in his hands. His sobs were raw, haunting, different from the ones you'd pretended not to hear on the nights after you broke up. Your fingers twitched, wanting to hold him in the safety of your arms. But you were the reason for the sobs that seemed like they were tearing at his throat on the way out. Your words were too much for him. Your love was what made him strong, and now all he knows is weakness. He just didn't want to drag you down, to catch you like a firefly when you were a blazing star.

The sound of his own cries was so loud in Minho's ears that he didn't even hear you slamming the door shut.

✦

You wished for the sun to set, for the moon to come back up so you could show her your split heart. The sun always seemed too bright, especially now as it mocked you with its stark contrast to the darkness that wrapped around your bones. You hid in an alleyway, to hide from the sun and the people. You had forgotten to wear a mask. You didn't want anyone recognising you. The conversations would be nothing better than a noose around your neck anyway. You walked back through a different route. It was much longer, but you'd be alone. You stared forward absently as you walked, your steps feeling harder with the weight of your heart.

Minho only realised you had left when he looked up to speak to you—to hug your legs and beg for forgiveness. You've done it, Minho. You've lost him. His mind has never been more cruel before. Of course he lost you. He'd be delusional to think he didn't. He wiped his face with his shirt, leaning against the cabinets and fighting back more tears. His heart hurt and so did his head. It felt like his insides were tightening, and the rest of his body felt hollow. Hollow, but not weightless. Every breath felt like hard work as his lungs refused to fill. He stood up, vision blurring as he staggered and reached over the opposite counter to open a window. The sunlight hit his skin, feeling like a whip instead of the usual kiss. He didn't lose you, he had ripped you away when you were a part of him unwilling to leave. Thoughts of the future flooded his brain. He was afraid. Terrified. Would you cut him out entirely? Would you leave the group? ✦

When you got home, you were met with the sight of him curled up on the couch with his knees to his chest. You stepped closer, cautious and hesitant. Sitting next to him, you wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him into your side. He was startled. He didn't expect you back so early, and he wouldn't have dared to hope you'd hold him. He stilled for a second, as if waiting for you to leave again. But when your warmth enveloped him like a blanket on a freezing day, he melted. He put his legs on your lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your side. You sat there in silence for a while, your breaths syncing. There were a million unspoken words on your skin that were being spoken with every second of the embrace.

"It was you," you said quietly. Minho looked up, eyes wide and vulnerable. Your expression was unreadable, as if your mind encased your facial muscles in plaster, not letting it move. "The hickey. You did it." Minho’s stomach dropped. "What?" You probably didn't want him kissing you. "You came home drunk. You kissed me. You left that." You gestured to your neck. "I took you to bed."

"I… I don’t remember," he admitted. He felt pathetic for the relief he felt after knowing that no one else had touched you. "I know," you said, soft. Silence. And then- "I meant what I said," Minho whispered. "I love you. I never stopped." His eyes searched yours, looking for the reciprocation that would be an escape from his cruel mind. You closed your eyes. "You hurt me."

"I know." The words felt heavy on his tongue. It wasn't because of admitting it, but because he knew he did hurt you. He hurt you, and here you were, holding him. "You won't get to do that again."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He paused, resting his head on your chest. He breathed in your scent. It was just as comforting as he remembered—sandalwood and jasmine. "Do you want me back?" He asked quietly, words muffled by your chest. He didn't dare to look up. Your breath caught. "More than anything." You felt his tears soak your shirt. You kissed his hair, letting him cry. "Don't leave me…I'll do anything." You held him tighter. "I won't. Promise."

"I just thought you'd be better off without me, that you could have someone better, that you should have someone better." His voice was soft, as if it was apologising on his behalf. You could hear his regret, feel it in his grip on you. "There's no one better for me than you. And I want you to promise me you'll never forget that." He curled into your arms, taking deep breaths. You let him. He looked at you, nodding. "I promise." For the first time in days, you smiled. "We'll talk about this later, okay? Just let me hold you for now."

[rholsof-film]

The Circle that is Shatabhisha

Within the heart of the sign Aquarius from 6°40' to 20°00'

Yoni Animal - Horse

Deity is Varuna

Shatabhisha is a Rahu and Saturn ruled nakshatra at the heart of Aquarius, the name means “hundred physicians”

*Many natives are drawn towards medicine, healing, astrology, occult, and psychology.*

Symbolized by the empty circle, which can be translated as an empty void for cultivation. Most of the themes for Shatabhisha are of healing, mystery and secrecy. Natives of this nakshatra have an analytical and investigative mind, often seeking the truth and deeper meanings. They are independent and rebellious; they prefer solitude but can also be unconventional in challenging societal norms.

Going back to preferring solitude, a lot of these natives often keep their thoughts private and could experience phases of seclusion and loneliness. These natives care deeply but also could struggle to express their emotions in full depth. We saw this with Chappell Roan in communicating with her fans about respecting her privacy and that when she’s not on the clock, she does not want to be bothered. It sparked a huge debate online about celebrities granting servitude to people whenever and wherever fans wanted their time—or even the press not being respectful.

This Nakshatra represents deep healing, hidden knowledge, and cosmic truths. People born under Shatabhisha are often misunderstood visionaries who seek to break illusions and uncover reality. They walk a fine line between science and spirituality, often making a lasting impact on the world.

Shatabhisha are also known to be justice seekers, the deity Varuna governs over divine justice ensuring those who act unfairly will face karmic consequences. We saw this through Rihanna having her messy twitter era and just getting into fights with certain individuals online. However, I know there are notorious Shatabhisha natives that have committed major crimes or have been to jail, their karmic consequences work on themselves as well. Shatabhisha individuals could go either way on the scale of good or bad. But you will notice that a lot of natives have a cult following no matter if they are morally good or bad. You will notice these natives are difficult to control, and behave a bit on the wild side, it’s hard to tame them. This is where they get their controversial reputation.

Varuna is the guardian of the waters and the one who grants Amrita (divine nectar of immortality). I would argue that this is what grants these natives beauty, aging with grace. For this represents deep healing, rejuvenation, and the power to transform pain into wisdom.

The symbol of the circle is representative of these natives’ tight knit, cult like following, it relates directly to the natives having a devoted fanbase—their energy being like an intimate, sacred space. Their fans aren’t just about their art but about their community and identity, the circle is like their performance space, where the artist becomes the center of transformation. However, the circle could work as a veil or mask, as Shatabhisha is known for their mystery and reinvention. Many have cultivated a persona to separate their private and public selves. Their cult following exists because they create a new world, a new identity, and a sense of belonging. Rihanna, Audrey Hepburn, Kehlani, Chappell Roan, all have cult followings. They can truly do no wrong in their fanbase’s eyes when being controversial or unconventional. The empty void for cultivation is endless with these natives as they are constantly coming up with new creative ventures.

Native Placements

Mia Goth - Shatabisha Moon

Chappell Roan - Shatabisha Sun

Rihanna - Shatabisha Sun

Kehlani - Shatabisha Moon

[p1eceandharmon1]

supportive boyfriends┊ p1harmony (ot6)

warnings: none ┊ fluff! ┊ gn!reader ┊ word count: 817

ੈ♡˳ - requested!

contents: how would each p1h member support their s/o

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

➳ Keeho ┊ 윤기호

Keeho becomes your personal shelter from the real world whenever you feel like life is just too much, and you can’t quite cope with everything. He wouldn’t hesitate to offer you his shoulder to cry on and his arms would always be opened for you to rest for as long as you need. He is your safe space, where you feel comfortable enough to let out every single one of your worries and fears. As expected from a leader, he’s such a good listener, and an even better adviser. He just wants you to trust him and share your feelings with him so he can help you manage them in order to conquer your fears. He celebrates every single one of your achievements with pure joy, and would tell the world how proud he is of you.

➳ Theo ┊ 최태양

Theo would put your well-being before his own in a heartbeat. He may not often say it out loud, but the last thing he wants is you getting stuck in the past, not realizing you’re more than able to thrive and achieve greater things. However, he avoids interfering with your affairs as much as possible — it is very important for him that you fight for yourself and build your confidence in doing so. He knows you’re strong, brave and hard-working, and he makes sure to remind you of that every day, but still, he gets really worried. He can be extremely protective of you, that’s why he would always be quietly by your side, always ready to step in to face whatever or whoever represents a danger to you. You never feel alone or unsafe, because you know he has your back.

➳ Jiung ┊ 최지웅

Late-night deep talks with Jiung are very common in your relationship. He’s such a caring, empathetic and intelligent man who’s always encouraging you to talk to him and be very vocal about your concerns. Every single problem that you’re facing, he would take it as his own, so he puts a lot of effort into acknowledging your feelings and making you feel heard and understood. He often shares personal advice and knowledge with you, hoping you find it helpful to sort things out. He wholeheartedly believes you will achieve great things, and would repeat those words to you over and over again, until you believe them yourself. He wishes you realize how worthy of happiness you are, and he would be the first one to celebrate every single one of your achievements.

➳ Intak ┊ 황인탁

The moment Intak feels something is bothering, saddening or worrying you, he wouldn’t hesitate to step in. Unless you ask him not to, he is more than ready to involve himself and be by your side so that you never feel alone or unprotected. It’s not that he thinks you’re not capable of standing up for yourself; he just wants to make sure your intrusive thoughts don’t get the better of you. He wants to be the one reminding you of your worth at all times, the one building up your confidence and the one you can turn to when you feel tired or scared. However, he wouldn’t overwhelm you; he would wait for you to open up to him and, the moment you do, he’s all ears and would do everything in his power to help you overcome any difficulty.

➳ Soul ┊ 白翔太

To Shota, you are the most valuable and precious thing in this world, so he would do whatever it takes to keep your heart safe from everything. Seeing you struggling or hurting is unthinkable for him, so he would put a lot of effort into controlling his own feelings in order to be a reliable emotional support for you. He is the only one who can get a smile out of you when you’re going through a tough time, making you see your problems significantly smaller for a while. Like Theo, he wants you to thrive and believes you’re capable of it, but he’s very scared you get hurt, which makes him very protective of you. Because of this, he wouldn’t stop encouraging you to confide in him and share everything so you can take every step of the way together.

➳ Jongseob ┊ 김종섭

You have never struggled with communicating your worries with Jongseob. He’s such a great support for you, always encouraging you to fight, be competitive, confident and change whatever that represents a burden in your life. He’s the king of praising and would never get tired of reassuring you of your worth. He respects your privacy so he would often be rooting for you from a distance, but the moment he feels something is off, he would run to your side so you don’t feel alone. As long as you’re with him, he would never let you give up; instead, he would stick with you through every up and down, assuring you that better days will come and that you will experience them together.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

[gold-pavilion]

Nowhere, Black Sorrow and an interpretation of Ivan's love

Gonna talk a bit about Ivan's emotional state in Nowhere and how it… is mostly right there in Black Sorrow too, just in a slightly more matured manner. I've got some similarities and differences I wanna highlight!

(It'd be good to read my lil initial impressions on the release of Nowhere first, tho!)

Firstly, the key thing about interpreting the content of Nowhere is that it's a private song. Written for Ivan himself, composed with no outside input, never meant for public performance. Therefore, in it, we can trust that Ivan is expressing himself as freely as he can (through the lens of his stunted emotional development yet strong ability to look inward and rationalize, but still), which is a very rare occurrence, given that one of his biggest traits is being private and cagey. The song Nowhere is raw emotion for a change, an open display of his head and heart.

And it sounds like just that. We hear the result of Ivan trying a romantic, ballad-like love song, starting with that and presumably just scrapping it for the subsequent melodic, hopeless freestyle rap session about his loneliness, pain, sense of being fundamentally unlovable/unwanted, belief that his existence is devoid of value and his pessimism.

But the love he knows he feels for Till IS there, fantastically represented by the ballad-like part that stays in the background for the rest of Nowhere. And it's recognized for what it is. 

… which is a big deal in itself!! Ivan talks down on his capacity for love a lot and would later call it a "shallow emotion", but he's way too analytical and knows himself too well to be avoiding that love is what it is. He damn well knows he's in love. And this song, the earliest song in his musical timeline, is pretty much the only place he says it out loud. 

Followed, of course, by all those verses about his meaningless and inconsequential life, being overwhelmed yet persisting calmly/numbly, the light he can't look at and dreams/hopes that are unreachable from the beginning because everything (and himself) is stained. And yet, the recognition of his emotions stays running in the background; to be literal about it, his feeling of love stays present and sung no matter how deep he dives into his bleak outlook. Constant, steady, never drowned out. Two things that are truths to Ivan. It feels to me like precisely the two factors that govern his inner emotional life: the belief that he's not built for it and the knowledge that he loves, regardless.

And "this always happens to me" is the sentiment that results from all that, taking the spotlight as the general mood and baseline of Nowhere. 

His belief that that the boy he was in the slums - a human who didn't feel like he belonged anywhere, neither an equal existence in relation to the segyein nor feeling part of humanity, a type of existence that's stained and rejected - is the same person he is in Anakt Garden and the ame persona he will continue to be. Of course, that applies to his love too. Not gonna work out because that's just how it is for someone like him, another piece of the "this always happens to me", destined to be unwanted. 

(We've gotta remember that Nowhere was written at the time he was living in Anakt Garden [source: official post], the time where he developed his feelings for Till and tried to be close to him in ways that neither Till nor Ivan himself could understand properly - so, is it surprising at all that he'd continue to feel mismatched with other humans, stained, wrong and hopeless? My personal belief here is that what he experiences with Till echoes with what he experienced in the slums, all contributing to sustain his view and thoughts about himself as an individual. It's all the same. Again: this always happens to him.)

Now here's the thing: that defeatist attitude about loving Till is honestly the same one he carries over to Black Sorrow and is guided by throughout all of the main Alien Stage storyline.

Another thing that's very important to remember in regards to THAT is that Ivan never told Till how he felt in any type of way, he also didn't intend to show it or let it be known in way Till could interpret, understand and give an answer to [source: Vivimeng Q&A at the 2024 GAF event of which we only have attendee records]. He mostly fought, made up, played and spent time with Till. The most straightforward example of "acting upon his feelings" we could refer to is when he asked Till if he wanted to kiss [source: official comic], which was absolutely not framed as a confession of romantic inclinations, but just as "something some kids in Anakt are doing". It was neither expressed nor understood for its true human meaning. Ivan never says anything because he has simply assumed that he's unlovable, considers himself rejected by default (he's aware Till likes Mizi, but it's been made clear that this is mostly irrelevant to him, Till could love anybody or no one at all and he'd still have his pessimistic outlook because he considers himself the problem [source: GAF event Q&A again]) and leaves it at that. Around the segyein, he even goes out of his way to protect either Till, the privacy of his own feelings or the nature of love (as one of the few freedoms pet-humans have) by giving the impression that they're not that close and Till is not that important to him [source: Ivan interview from the Alien Stage Patreon, specifically these bits].

With that said, let's recall Black Sorrow.

It's inevitably different because it's not the raw and fully honest Ivan, but a song meant for performing, for an audience and for the competition. Still, it's his character introduction song and it's the one that tells us his viewpoint on Till. And in it, his definition of love is already, well, that it's "his black sorrow". A feeling surrounded by darkness, love for someone unreachable, the knowledge that it ends in a "cold spot stained with blood", not meant to work out for him in any way. Just as he thought at the time of Nowhere. 

Because that always happens to him. He thinks that way in Black Sorrow, he thought that way in Nowhere, he still thinks that way in Cure.

But there's one thing that's extremely different between Black Sorrow and Nowhere! And I think it's an important aspect of Ivan that the new song and the new opportunity for character analysis allow us to bring forward.

It's in this little moment, the prelude to the climax of Black Sorrow:

When the first point tally is coming, no matter when you pause the video, Ivan's points are gonna be the same as Marty's. Unlike in Blink Gone, with Luka shown to be leading and Till falling in second place, Ivan and Marty don't know how it's going. But they'll get their final count soon, so this is the point where things need to get real serious. And it's the point when – as he watches the set's falling stars – Ivan dives into his most painful but also very important memory with Till. Through which we reach the song's climax, his performance turns much more emotional and he ultimately crushes Marty's score by a great margin.

What I'm trying to say is: in Black Sorrow, Ivan is in a very similar place as he was in Nowhere, in regards to his emotions and his love. We can assume he's more accustomed to it. But most of all, he's purposefully tapping into his feelings (both his love and his pain), drawing strength from them to deliver a winning performance. It's like opening his chest up and reaching into his heart, yes, but it's also done in a very controlled manner, because as soon as he's able, Ivan composes himself. When he finishes performing, he's his usual calm self again. 

(Writing this I realize I'll need another post to dive deeper into Black Sorrow alone to cover some more points that are unique to the song, so I'll leave that for later.)

And that's the aspect of his character that I think is so important to highlight, the fact that he just… know himself so well. And how, despite viewing himself negatively in some ways, he also greatly accepts himself.

Nowhere is a very downbeat song, of course we're all face down in puddles of tears for Ivan, but him? I think it'd be… in a way, misjudging and underestimating him to settle on a very depressive or fully self-loathing view of him. Because he's pessimistic, but in a rational, "that's exactly how things are" kinda way. He looks down on what he considers his bad sides, but also keeps them close and doesn't hesitate to use all of his skills and traits. He's hurting, but he remains collected and undefeated by his various pains. He's emotionally vulnerable but also SO full of sentiment, determined, clever, capable of great acts of gentleness and dedicated as few will ever be. 

And, when it comes to his love for Till, his belief that it's doomed to be unrequited doesn't stop him from continuing to feel that way, continuing to look after Till, drawing strength from his love when needed and ultimately do what must be done to push for Till's victory in Cure.

That's all for now! Please remember that these are only my views and that for this piece I focused on interpreting Ivan's love in particular in the context of Nowhere tied to Black Sorrow, so other themes are not as covered (not because they're not important in Nowhere or his whole character, of course) and even most of the nature of that same love is also not covered. I'll continue to write more analysis posts if possible.

I hope it's been an interesting read!

[lixel-5]

THE PINK ROOM IS STANARRATOR

I HAVE ACTUAL EVIDENCE PLEASE JUST STAY WITH ME

i saw this reddit post

like four days ago and it’s been rotating in my mind so much i’m going insane and i need to talk about it

“why do i think the pink room is hinting at stanarrator” you may be asking

let’s talk about it

1) pink.

color is deeply engrained into TSP. i’m not going to go deep into it now, there was a few posts circulating about it and few months ago tho, but you just need to know that color can often hint at meanings in TSP

PINK IS NO WHERE ELSE IN THE GAME.

the closest we get in the game is red (and a lot of it). there’s not even pink in the light show in the zen room!!!

something happened in this room that happens no where else in the game.

also: pink is a lovey dovey color. at there’s a LOT of it. the only non-pink color in the room is the Stanlurine. which i’ll also talk about a bit in point 3.

2) apples.

i never thought much of the apple. until now.

apples represent defiance and forbidden knowledge. also fertility? think of Adam and Eve.

the narrator learned something in this room. he learned something he wasn’t supposed to know, and the memory may have gotten erased.

but the memory is still there, just not explicitly. (the narrator actually demonstrates a LOT of implicit memories, showing that the knowledge isn’t truly erased, just hidden.)

3) figurines.

stanley and the narrator aren’t really supposed to be on the same page. they’re made to rival each other, and the fun of the game is when you (stanley) disobey the narrator

one of the VERY few times the two are working together is the figurines. and the narrator enjoys watching stanley collect them SO MUCH.

the narrator seems to correlate the Stanley-Figs with whatever this pink room represents.

maybe it’s having fun with stanley, or it’s working WITH stanley rather than against him. but all we know is that this room is something good, something the narrator enjoys.

remember what i said in point 1? the Stiggley Wiggleys being the only non-pink thing is the room? yeah. gay.

those pinky feelings are surrounding stanley rather than being stanley. does that make sense?

now, i don’t think the Pink Room is where the event took place, but rather a representation of what happened. the narrator can’t remember details, so his brain filled in the holes. which there’s a lot of.

i do think that the memory that’s manifesting in that room is some type of confession. the narrator is learning that his feelings are reciprocated, that he and stanley are on the same page for ONCE.

and the way the lighting hits the apple so vibrantly makes me think that the whole point of this room is that knowledge, that experience the narrator has forgotten. the pink lovey feelings are just surrounding it.

even when the narrator forgets what he memory means, it’s still so pink. it’s so full of love that it’s literally glowing.

apparently the apple might be a reference to superliminal. fuck you i like that the stanarrator theory more

THE PINK ROOM IS THE STANARRATOR ROOM

thank you for coming to my tedtalk