#Will provide explanation as to why I picked it for Poe

[monipoka]

Addressing Content Warning Concerns

I am writing in response to points that were brought up concerning my recent post. If you haven’t read that post, you can find it here.

Be warned that this is a very long post (2.8k words). It deals with the topics of pedophilia and rape. Opinions expressed are my own; however, I do offer some resources for you to better educate yourself on this post’s content.

I will not provide a link to the user that responded as she had no ill intentions. Disclaimer if the said user reads this post, I write with peace and love at 4:00 A.M. There are a couple of places where I may sound aggressive or petty, but it is analytical and not meant to invalidate you or your opinions.

Red = user’s response with minimal changes (adjusted for grammar and clarification)

Black = my response

Part 1: Age Regression and Infantilization

To learn more about age regression, here are two lovely articles describing what age regression means medically and socially.

“Age regression [agere] is a form of coping meant to eliminate stress in potentially triggering situations. Agere is not a part of sexual play and never should be. I believe [Moni] is confusing agere for age play.”

This completely misses the mark. I understand that age regressors enter a younger psychological state often as a coping mechanism. There is nothing inherently wrong with age regression as therapy. My complaints are that people are FETISHIZING age regression. As stated in my post, age regressors enter the mindset of a child commonly called a “little space.” These individuals are to be treated like children as it helps them feel safe and loved.

In my experience on Tumblr, writers commonly misinterpret Daddy Dominant, Little Girl (DDLG) or Age Play (the larger, umbrella term) for age regression. For the purposes of explanation, I am going to be using DDLG and she/her pronouns. DDLG is a type of BDSM relationship where the dominant partner (male) takes on the role of a care-giver while the submissive partner (female) takes on the role of a child. This dynamic is pretend and intended for sexual interactions. Keyword here: pretend. While the submissive portrays childish behavior, she still has an adult mindset; therefore, she can give meaningful consent. Once writers describe the submissive slipping into “little space,” her mindset is corrupt as she has age regressed; therefore, she cannot give meaningful consent making the interaction non-consensual as she embodies a child.

“Infantilization is treating somebody as if they’re a child. For example, ‘babying’ someone is the best explanation for it. This, in my opinion, is not pedophilia because it’s not inherently sexual. If it IS sexual, I wouldn’t necessarily classify it as pedophilic, but it is questionable.”

Again, this misses the mark. In a non-sexual context, infantilization is completely okay. My complaints are that people are FETISHIZING the infantilization of characters. I used this term as an alternative language to age regression because I have encountered both on this site.

“Age Play, in my opinion, is pedophilic due to how the 'older’ of the partners is benefitting from it. So if [Moni] and I are thinking the same thing, but not really using the same terminology, then I agree.”

Age Play is a kink in the BDSM community between two consenting and level-headed adults.

Age Regression is characterized by regressing back to a younger headspace.

Sexualizing age regression is pedophilic because age regressors feel, act, and exhibit childlike qualities; they genuinely believe that they are a child.

If age play includes “little space,” then it is pedophilic because the submissive has age regressed.

“None of these is what I would consider illegal due to the fact that both parties are consenting adults. But age play definitely is pedophilic. But, obviously, if both people are adults, it can’t be considered illegal.”

I called pedophilia (and rape) illegal. In the eyes of the law, sexualizing age play--given that the individual is of age--is legal. This point used the transitive property of equality (Trans POE) to point out the hypocrisy in condemning pedophilia but supporting the fetishization of age regression. To clarify, it may not be illegal, but it is morally wrong.

“Infantilization and age regression aren’t inherently pedophilic because they revolve around the idea of a mindset and not physicality.”

This is contradictory to your previous point and only half true. Age regressors largely rely on physical objects (ie. clothes, stuffed animals, pacifiers) to feel safe. While the root of age regression involves a change in psyche, it is reflected in their appearance and environment.

Part 2: Dubious Consent and Non-consensual

To learn more about rape, here is a wonderful article on non-consensual sex.

“Secondly, I’m quite confused on what she [Moni] is saying regarding calling dubcon [dubious consent] and noncon [non-consentual] rape instead of dubcon and noncon.

They are rape, or at least some form of sexual assault, but I don’t think anyone’s trying to mask them from being as such.”

I whole-heartedly disagree. It is apparent by the staggering number of dubcon and noncon posts that people use these terms to try and justify writing rape because they consider it a “fetish.” The reason I am against these terms is that writers never specifically condemn them. Oftentimes, writers mix the content of the fic into their warning section. So, by writing ‘blowjob’ next to ‘dubcon’ it underscores the severity of the situation.

“Categorizing both of the two as 'rape’ could potentially end up being very damaging. Rape is a very triggering and harsh word for some people, which is why I believe a lot of people use non-consensual sex as a term to avoid potentially triggering people.”

Again, I believe that people use dubcon and noncon to try and justify their rape “fetish.” However, if using the term “rape” is triggering to some individuals and the terms “dubcon” and “noncon” are used as a substitution, why aren’t these writers coming out and explicitly saying that they do not support these types of interactions? Furthermore, why are they writing and sharing this content in the first place if they acknowledge it as rape?

“Also, I think it’s important to clarify whether the 'sexual assault’ in fiction is dubious or non-consensual. There’s a big difference between both parties being drunk in a fic (dubcon) and hard rape, and it’s important to distinguish the two in warning columns.”

Drunk people can’t consent. Both situations are rape. The “level” of rape that you refer to, being how consensual it is, is more damaging in my opinion. Because they were drunk, it means less than if they were sober. This perpetuates victim shaming. She was asking for it. She shouldn’t have drunk so much. Rape is rape. It is never okay. And one rape is never better than another.

“Dubcon is also very important to clarify in fics due to the fact that dubcon is only a fictional concept. It helps indicate the level of consent given in the fiction because someone could be not triggered by sex under intoxication but can be triggered by hard noncon.”

I’m going to use a quote I cited from this source because I feel that the writer describes dubcon more eloquently than I can: “What bothers me the most about this situation, and what I think you are partly getting at here, is when people say that their fic isn't "noncon" or they say it is "dubcon" or "noncon depending on your point of view." Come on! Have the guts to admit that what they're writing is rape. Dubious consent bothers me as a qualifier because if you aren't sure whether someone is consenting, you don't do it or it's rape. No excuses. So, I think that people should just bite the bullet and say, this is a rape fic.... If people want to write rape fic, go for it, and I will probably read it, but let's step up and acknowledge what it is we are writing. I take issue with these qualifiers because I think that it is far more insidious than out and out rape porn. At least when we say it is rape, then we can move on to the next step: saying it's wrong, just a fantasy, etc. But avoiding the label perpetuates the rape myths that have had such a damaging effect on victims and justice: did she enjoy it, she didn't really say no, she was a tease, they've done it before. None of those things matter, and when a person labels their fic, they need to stop pretending they do.”

Essentially, the writer is reiterating what I explained in my previous comment that rape is rape. Another statement that I found describes how damaging fiction can be in real life. While most readers understand that what occurred didn’t really happen, there are real-life consequences attributed to it: “...However, not everyone in fandom uses those terms in those ways. And I think that's a problem that we need to fix. Because, especially when situations that exist in real life and that would be called rape in real life are labeled "dubcon," I think it does real harm to us all.....We currently live in a culture where not fighting back - because, for example, the rapist has threatened to kill you, or someone else, or your pet, if you don't go along with it - will very often get a rape case overturned in court. Where judges and juries and god knows the popular media will pick out and analyze every detail of a person's life to determine whether they were asking for it, whether they secretly wanted it, whether they could have conceivably fought back more than they did, why they didn't scream, why they didn't report the blackmail that was used to control them, whether or not their "consent" might've been implicitly given by winks or nods or secret handshakes or a general miasma of sexual invitation. In other words, we live in a world in which rape culture, a thing we all unwittingly participate in at one time or another, works very very hard to label things dubcon when they're really noncon.”

“Most people 'romanticizing’ non-consensual sex are victims who are trying to gain some sort of control over their trauma, so they have every right to do so. If a victim of rape should have the ability to choose whether or not they want to read/write a noncon fic and if they don’t want to use the word rape because it makes them uncomfortable, they don’t have to and shouldn’t be forced to.

As a victim of rape and sexual assault, I find peace in having the control and ability to write about my trauma. It's a way for me to gain back control that I lost and the word rape does make me uncomfortable, it makes many victims uncomfortable, and if I prefer not to use that word then I should not have to if people know synonymous terms.”

Romanticize: deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is.

If you are writing/reading smut, you are trying to get off. If you are writing/reading dubcon/noncon smut, you are getting off to rape. Instead of writing/reading about how heinous rape is and how disgusting rape culture is, you write/read fics romanticizing rape since as a reader you enjoy the content to some extent: it is with your favorite character, it takes place in a cool universe, it got you horny, you felt good after reading it. Romanticizing rape is damaging to society as it subconsciously makes rape appealing. I doubt that is the intention, but you can’t deny that these underlying connections exist.

There is a difference between writing to cope and writing to entertain. My intention has never been to victim shame. But writing non-consensual sex between anime characters and a reader-insert is a form of entertainment. Remember the purposes of writing we learned about in elementary school? Yeah, I have a hard time believing that this is therapeutic. Journal therapy uses reflective writing to work through trauma and mental health issues. In sexual assault cases specifically, victims often write about their experience and/or letters to their perpetrator(s). However, if this is your way to cope, that’s fine. But writing rape fics is not the same as sharing rape fics.

“People know the severity of noncon and dubcon, which is what I think [Moni] is missing. No one is trying to not make noncon rape because it is rape. People know that it is. Most people just chose to say 'noncon’ to avoid unnecessarily triggering others.”

Do they? I think to my previous comments in this section, people use these terms to downplay the seriousness of rape.

“And there are far more 'consensual’ fics out there than noncon/dubcon fics, so I don’t exactly understand what [Moni] means by 'romanticize’ or 'normalize it.’”

Two comments up I describe what romanticization is and how it is being done in the community. I’m going to ignore the number part of this statement because I feel that there is no relevance; If there is a platform for rape fics and people are engaging with them, numbers don’t matter relative to another type of fic. I call that authors romanticize consensual sex because it is oftentimes not explicitly stated, and I think it should be. The character(s) and reader are in a relationship and sex is a byproduct of that (I do not consider this dubcon). Personally, I have found very few fics where explicit consent is written in. People sometimes think that asking for consent interrupts the flow and ruins a moment. Works of fiction have an impact on real life, and writing/reading about consent serves to reinforce healthy practices.

“Going off of that, I don’t understand what [Moni] means by 'fairly young’ audiences. I'm hoping that most 18+ consumers are, you know, eighteen or older (obviously that's not the case in all situations), and eighteen is a legal adult. Most people over the age of eighteen are very aware of what these terms mean, and they know right from wrong. So, there should be no need to clarify what 'noncon’ is for them.”

My point is that this community is relatively young. I have not encountered many writers or readers who are over the age of 25 (if you are, kudos). At this age, you lack experience. Many of these readers have never had sex or been in a relationship before. While you might know the difference between rape and consensual sex on paper, some of these things are more subtle--especially in person. You referenced drunk sex as something that you’d classify as dubcon although intoxicated individuals can’t consent. I recently read a fic where the reader was drunk and picked up at the bar by a character. He asked the reader if they consented to sex and they agreed. This is still rape as you cannot consent while intoxicated since alcohol impairs judgment. Regardless of enjoyment, which the reader experienced, this is still sexual assault. Can you see the confusion by labeling that dubcon? What is a young adult to think when they’ve been manipulated into sex but told they consented? It’s confusing, so these terms should be clarified.

Part 3: Fiction

To learn more about how fiction affects reality, here is this interesting TED-Ed animation that summarizes fiction’s impact. Also, I read this article that cites more examples.

“Also, our writing shouldn’t have to equate 'good practices,’ because a healthy-minded individual knows how to separate fiction and reality. Give people the freedom to write about whatever they want, whether it’s in private or not, that's what fiction is for.”

You claim that you don’t want to use the word rape to trigger people, so you acknowledge that not all readers are health-minded as they could be suffering from trauma or mental illness. Likewise, some individuals can’t discern fiction from reality.

More importantly, there is a connection between fiction and reality.

“Finally, I don't think we should be so open with connecting real-life issues with fictional ones. No one is going to become a rapist or want to be raped because they read fiction on it unless they’re truly a rapist or have been raped. Equating fictional works to real-life problems is a little insulting, whether [Moni] intended it to be or not.”

Watch the video and read the article. Fiction directly impacts culture and society. It may be insulting, but it’s factual.

“Because in the end, in rape fiction, no one actually got raped. In pedophilic fiction (I don’t support it don’t get me wrong), no one was actually a victim of pedophilia. Because they’re all fictional.”

That doesn’t make it okay. Again, my problem is that writers ROMANTICIZE these topics which reflect poorly on society.

“If someone is concerned about pedophilia and rape fiction, I believe it would be best to work towards real-life solutions to those real-life problems compared to criticizing fiction authors.”

If you’re concerned about pedophilia and rape FICTION, I’d hope you’d criticize FICTION authors. Honestly, this seems to be a diversion tactic to avoid accountability.

Part 4: “No Offense, but You’re Wrong About Everything”

“Overall, I think [Moni] had good intentions, but it was poorly worded.

You pose a counter argument to each of my points and make it sound like I did not educate myself beforehand. You then deflect to talking about rape and pedophilia in real-world context to downplay the severity of pedophilia and rape in fiction.

I sound petty here, and I do not mean for my words to hurt. I wish that there was some communication beforehand since it seems that there was confusion. If my original post was unclear, I hope my comments help.

Conclusion

This is for everyone:

Please check out the resources I provided and do your own research to understand the situation before forming your own opinion.

No hate to the writer of the response. I just wish you would have reached out directly for clarification before taking my words out of context and assuming their meaning.

[dianthus-writes]

Description and Importance

I've seen a lot of posts about how to write description floating around. Most of them contain very good writing, and very good advice - but many also neglect that what your description does matters as much as what your description is.

My goal for this post is to try to fill that niche. I'm not going to be talking about how many adjectives you should have, or how long your words should be, or whether your characters should interact with the description, or how much repetition you should have.

I'm going to talk about how much your description matters.

So let's describe a house. The house is the setting of at least one scene in your story. How do we describe this house's exterior?

Honestly - there's a lot of options here. It depends on how important the house itself - not the scenes in and around it, but the very building - is to the story.

Here are a few options, with explanations and examples. This is hardly an exhaustive list, but it should hopefully help provide an overview of what I mean.

(Note, I'm using imperative throughout - do this, don't do this - but these are guidelines, not rules. The most important factor is your own style and your own goals for the story. Does this description do what you want it to? Then it works. But, if your description doesn't quite work… Maybe my suggestions can help.)

(Note 2: I’m assuming that importance pretty directly scales with the amount of description something receives. This is usually true in my experience as a reader, but some styles portion out description differently. Play around. See what works for you.)

The House Doesn't Matter, At All

What changes if you remove any description of this house from the story? If your answer is "nothing, but the story now has a hundred less words of filler" then cut the house out entirely. Don't describe the house. Open any scenes inside the house where they belong, inside the house. Scenes outside? Mention whose house they're standing in front of, if that matters, but we usually really don't need to know the paint color, or more than a single adjective about the house's state. (And, if you have one adjective, "run down" usually adds a lot more meaning than "blue.")

Examples:

Once he'd arrived at the Jones' house, James went straight to the living room to wait for his mother.

James paused outside the Jones' house when Billy called out to him. … Laughing, James turned away with a wave, and headed inside.

The House's Owners are Major Characters

This might be a "the house doesn't matter, at all" but might not. If the state of the house reveals something important about a major character, then a short bit of description is called for. Focus on what needs to be revealed, though, and how your description communicates those revelations. And keep in mind - what's the shortest bit of description you can get away with while still communicating what's important? (This is more important in a short story, where words are at a premium, but still something to keep in mind in a novel.)

One exercise you can do here is pick two or three traits you're trying to communicate about the house's owners, and then pick two or three short descriptions for the house that communicate those traits. Is Mrs. Jones exacting, competitive, and vain? Maybe the house is stately, the flowerbeds showy, and the lawn perfectly manicured. 

Example:

James hated coming home. Everything from the wanna-be mansion architecture to the showy flowerbeds screamed that his mother lived here.

The House Shows Something's Changed

If something's changed, that's going to be more important to your characters than what's stayed the same. Has Mrs. Jones stopped mowing her usually pristine lawn in her grief over her husband's death? Did Mr. Jones tear up his lawn and replace it with a garden? Has the house been abandoned? Renovated?  In this scenario, a bit more description is called for, since the state of the house means something about what's happened - especially if what's happened was off screen.

Example:

For all James had hated his mother's magazine perfect house, something in his gut wrenched at seeing what the new owners had done with the place. His mother's carefully arranged flowerbeds and manicured lawn had been torn up, only to be replaced with fruit trees and a vegetable garden. The once bare house even had a new porch, making it seem more welcoming. Still, for all the strangeness, he needed to talk to the people inside.

The House Is a Major Character

How much description you use here will vary a lot more than in other areas. Use about as much description on your house as you do other characters of similar importance. 

What does it mean, though, for a house to be a major character?

It means that, like other major characters, the house's traits impact the story heavily. The house has a history, and secrets, and things it could be. Other characters interact with it throughout, and each has their own important relationship with the house. The story would be missing something very, very important if you cut it out.

Example:

The house had seen better days, really. They all had. James meandered around the outside, stopping where the tire swing had once been. The old oak tree still stood, and a frayed rope dangled from its branches. James rested his hand on the tree, turning his gaze back to his childhood home. The floorboards on the porch could use some replacing, he decided - more than that, probably, from the lean on that one porch column… At least the chimney looked as well as it ever had. Good. That fireplace had always been the heart of the home. James nodded to himself, sharply, and left the tree behind to go meet his old friend.

The House Is the Story

If you remove the house, what changes? Everything. This is more common with short stories, but a novel could revolve around one setting like this. The house itself dictates the story. Its secrets are the story's secrets. Every thread in your tale ties back to this house. A murder mystery where people are locked in a house for the duration probably is going to include this; why lock them in the house if the house doesn't matter?

Here, incidentally, is where you really break out the purple pen. Everything, every single scene, can relate at length to something about this house, its interior, etc. 

If you want some professional examples - I'll admit my knowledge of short stories leans a bit towards older tales, but “The Fall of the House of Usher” by Edgar Allen Poe and “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman both have the house as a major backbone of the story. Both are available free online.

My example will be only one scene from the opening of a theoretical short story, but the description shouldn't end here.

Example:

James glanced down at the paper in his hand, before letting his gaze dart over to the gilded house numbers. 102. And the street sign down the block - it looked like someone's car had hit it and they'd never replaced it, so the street name was at a weird angle - but this was the right house, if you believed the faded address scrawled on the back of an old envelope. James looked back over at the house, considering just walking away, but - no. He had to do this. So he walked forward, avoiding stepping on the cracks in the paving stones, twitching when a bird darted out of the overgrown grass. The porch steps creaked under his heavy boots, and the door - once a cheery sunshine yellow, now a faded grey to match the peeling white paint on the trim - stared at him, mockingly. James glanced to the side, but the blue siding and broken porch swing had no answers for him. He frowned, squared his shoulders, and scolded himself for being so hesitant - then stepped forward onto the welcome mat, knocking on the door.

[techcrunchappcom]

New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/2020-nfl-trade-deadline-tracker-kwon-alexander-sent-to-saints-desmond-king-goes-to-titans/

2020 NFL Trade Deadline Tracker: Kwon Alexander sent to Saints, Desmond King goes to Titans

The 2020 NFL trade deadline (Tuesday, Nov. 3) is almost here. The league has already seen a few trade offers accepted, but more are on the horizon. CBS Sports is tracking all of the news and rumors and providing a one-stop shop for readers. The most recent updates are at the top. 

Chargers send DB Desmond King to Titans

Los Angeles is sending Pro Bowl defensive back/kick returner Desmond King to the Titans in exchange for a sixth-round pick, according to NFL Media and ESPN. King, who is in the final year of his deal, has recorded 24 tackles and one sack in six games this season. 

Saints acquire former Pro Bowler Kwon Alexander from 49ers

The New Orleans Saints are sending a conditional fifth-round pick and linebacker Kiko Alonso to San Francisco in exchange for Alexander, according to ESPN’s Adam Schefter. The two teams play each other in Week 10. The Saints are attempting to win at all costs, while 49ers general manager John Lynch was eager to get a big contract off the books. 

These two teams are still in the hunt for their respective divisions. 

CBS Sports insider Jason La Canfora notes that Marvin Jones is the receiver that has been made available by Detroit but questions if Golladay might also be had at the right price. 

“Things have been tense between him and the organization for quite some time; he’s been brooding over not getting a new deal, and that came to a head on Saturday when I’m told he was not at the facility when he should have been,” La Canfora wrote.

Golladay, 26, is in the final year of his rookie contract. He has recorded 20 receptions for 338 yards and two touchdowns while missing two games with an injury. 

Reserve linebacker Robert Spillane has played well post-injury to Bush but Pittsburgh has seen a past without solid linebacker play and it was not pretty. They bolstered their Super Bowl contending roster in the form of veteran LB Avery Williamson. ESPN’s Adam Schefter reported Sunday night that the AFC team acquired Williamson and a 2020 seventh-round pick in exchange for a 2020 fifth-round pick. Williamson goes from the NFL‘s lone win-less team to the lone undefeated team; a reversal of fortunes overnight. 

Williamson has 59 tackles and one interception this season. 

Saints steadfast in claim that Michael Thomas is unavailable

The potential availability of New Orleans wide receiver Michael Thomas is a rumor that has gained steam in recent weeks for whatever reason. NFL Media’s Ian Rapoport says that the team has no intention of moving the star wide receiver despite punching a teammate in practice leading up to a Week 5 contest against Chargers. 

A trade of Thomas would leave New Orleans with a dead cap hit of $27 million in 2020. The number dips down to $14 million following the 2022 season. 

Bengals’ Carlos Dunlap sent to Seattle

The Seahawks acquired disgruntled edge rusher Carlos Dunlap from Cincinnati Wednesday in exchange for offensive lineman B.J. Finney and a 2021 seventh-round draft pick, according to SI.com’s Albert Breer. Dunlap has vocalized his unhappiness by posting the team’s defensive rotations and promoting the sale of his home on Twitter and more. Dunlap has 18 tackles, one sack and two pass deflections this season. 

The Bengals may not be done at the deadline. There are a few other veterans that could be on the move. There is more on that story below. ESPN’s Adam Caplan also notes that the Seahawks may not be done acquiring pass rush help. 

Ten trades that can aid contenders in a Super Bowl run 

CBS Sports’ Patrik Walker mocked up ten trades that could help contenders make a Super Bowl run. Is it possible that the Patriots could be buyers and sellers ahead of the Nov. 3 deadline? Walker has the Patriots moving a big-time player while also adding a brand name wide receiver. 

Not every team is a contender though and the deadline could still be interesting for lower-tier teams. CBS Sports’ Cody Benjamin explored one trade that each team should make in the coming days. 

Everson Griffen dealt to Lions in exchange for pick

It did not take long for Dallas to find a viable suitor for edge rusher Everson Griffen. On Tuesday, it was learned that Detroit was acquiring the former Viking in exchange for a conditional 2021 sixth-round draft pick. He is due to receive roughly half of his $6 million salary from the Lions. League COVID-19 protocols prevent Griffen from playing this weekend so his first action with his new team will come Nov. 8 against … Minnesota. 

Miami has turned the keys to the castle over to rookie quarterback Tua Tagovailoa but that does not mean the AFC East contender is prepared to give up on their season nor recently demoted second string quarterback. Head coach Brian Flores states that the team has no intention of trading Ryan Fitzpatrick. 

The veteran led the Dolphins to a 3-3 record and second place within the division. 

Shopping list for three NFL teams

The CBS Sports team has been compiling needs for multiple teams across the NFL. Rather than reading a generic list of players available, indulge in a more team-centric approach:

Cleveland Browns Las Vegas Raiders New England Patriots New York Giants Philadelphia Eagles Washington Football Team

Players that could be available at the deadline

CBS Sports’ Cody Benjamin constructed a position-by-position list of 75 players that could be on the move ahead of the Nov. 3 trade deadline. Some of the notable names include Saints quarterback Jameis Winston, Bengals wide receiver A.J. Green, Texans edge rusher J.J. Watt and Patriots cornerback Stephon Gilmore. For the full list, check out CBSSports.com. 

Cowboys make DE Everson Griffen, DT Dontari Poe available

CBS Sports’ Patrik Walker confirmed that Griffen and Poe have been made available to other teams in a potential trade scenario. Griffen signed a one-year, $6 million deal with Dallas prior to the season and would be owed roughly half. CBS Sports’ Tyler Sullivan notes that the 32-year-old has played 56.43% of Dallas’ defensive snaps and totaled 20 tackles, six quarterback hits, and 2.5 sacks. CBS Sports’ Cody Benjamin laid out five potential destinations for Griffen with Seattle being the most likely. 

Poe signed a two-year deal worth $8.5 million, but there is a reasonable out in the contract after this season. It is less likely that he is moved at the deadline. 

Ten trades that should happen before the Nov. 3 deadline

CBS Sports’ Cody Benjamin proposed ten trades that would be win-win situations for both teams involved. What would A.J. Green look like on the Packers? It may not cost as much as you might think. Read the explanation behind that trade:

“At this point, why shouldn’t Green Bay take a swing, even if it eventually means losing Green in 2021 free agency and hoping for a compensatory pick? Aaron Rodgers has done very well operating with just Davante Adams and/or Allen Lazard, but with the latter hurt and No. 12 clearly positioned to take the Packers on another run, he deserves the gamble,” Benjamin wrote.

Romeo Crennel attempts to assure Texans they won’t be traded

The Texans are off to an unexpected 1-6 start to the season. Bill O’Brien has been fired in favor of veteran coach Romeo Crennel. Crennel, who likely has little authority over personnel decisions as an interim head coach, attempted to reassure his players that they will not be traded. 

“So, with this situation the way it is, I think that it might be more on their mind this year than it would be any other year. I’ve talked to them and tried to reassure them that I’m not looking to trade guys, but human nature is human nature.”

CBS Sports’ Jason La Canfora believes it is time for a fire sale in Houston. The team has struggled with the likes of edge rusher Whitney Mercilus, J.J. Watt and others. If the team is going to be bad anyway, they might as well re-coup some of the picks flushed down the drain by O’Brien. 

Bengals DE Carlos Dunlap attempts to sell house on Twitter

There has been no mincing of words in regard to Dunlap’s frustration. He has posted the team’s edge rush rotations on social media and is now attempting to sell his house on Twitter. The message is clear: trade me. CBS Sports’ Jeff Kerr wrote about the veteran’s frustration upon being demoted. 

In addition to Dunlap, defensive tackle Geno Atkins, wide receiver A.J. Green, wide receiver John Ross and cornerback William Jackson could also be on the move. CBS Sports’ Cody Benjamin explored potential destinations for each of the disgruntled AFC North talents. The Bills were a staple. 

Atlanta has already pressed the reset button on their leadership structure with head coach Dan Quinn and general manager Thomas Dimitroff being shown the door. The mindset will not trickle down to the players, according to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, who notes that the team has no intention of trading Ryan or Jones. 

The Falcons have gone 25-30 since that fateful 28-3 collapse against the Patriots in Super Bowl LI. 

Patriots searching for receiver help again

New England drafted N’Keal Harry in the first round of the 2019 NFL Draft and traded a second round pick for Mohamed Sanu. Neither has been the answer that the team had hoped. The Patriots are still alive within the AFC East but the outlook grows more bleak with each passing week. The team’s upcoming game against Buffalo could determine whether they are buyers or sellers by Nov. 3. As it stands, Bill Belichick is exploring options on the wide receiver trade market, according to CBS Sports’ Jason La Canfora. Two of the team’s top five receptions leaders are running backs. Draft tight ends Devin Asiasi and Dalton Keene have a combined one reception. 

Texans expected to trade at least one receiver, other veterans

CBS Sports’ Jason La Canfora has reported that the Texans are a popular team in trade conversations. The organization’s sluggish start and obvious eyes to the future have potential playoff contenders scouring their roster. La Canfora states rival executives believe Houston will trade at least one receiver, Will Fuller, Brandin Cooks and Kenny Stills, by the deadline. They are also gauging the market on edge rusher Whitney Mercilus, who has three years left on a four-year, $54 million deal signed in May of 2015. 

Running back Duke Johnson and tight end Darren Fells are other names that have drawn consideration. 

Vikings looking to shed cap space, rival GMs aren’t eager 

Minnesota has made a series of poor salary cap decisions leading up to the ultimate errors: re-signing Anthony Barr after he attempted to leave for New York and doubling down on Kirk Cousins. Now, they find themselves in a position to discard players because their season has not gone as expected and they are up against the salary cap wall. 

The team has already traded edge rusher Yannick Ngakoue but more moves could be on the way. CBS Sports’ Jason La Canfora had the following to say about the team’s activity: “Multiple executives who have been in contact with the Vikings believe the team is eager to move several more high-priced veterans who likely do not fit into the team’s long-term plans.”

The names most often mentioned are safety Harrison Smith, left tackle Riley Reiff, safety Anthony Harris, tight end Kyle Rudolph and wide receiver Adam Thielen. 

Bengals more engaged in trade talks than the previous year

Defensive tackle Geno Atkins, cornerback William Jackson, wide receiver A.J. Green, wide receiver John Ross and edge rusher Carlos Dunlap have all made it clear that they are open to a change of scenery, according to CBS Sports’ Jason La Canfora. The Bengals were very unwilling to trade veterans last season — an absolute mistake, says the writer continually beating a dead horse — but La Canfora notes that NFL executives are “detecting a vibe that is not quite as trade-averse” in Cincinnati.   

Giants trade Markus Golden to Arizona in exchange for draft pick

On Oct. 23, the Giants agreed to trade outside linebacker Markus Golden to the Cardinals in exchange for a 2021 sixth-round pick. Golden, who actually began his career in Arizona, had just 1.5 sacks in seven games with the Giants this season. It was a priority to bolster the pass rush following the loss of Chandler Jones for the season. 

Philadelphia and Julie Ertz’s husband have been at odds over his contract for some time. The matters were only exacerbated by new deals for Travis Kelce and George Kittle this offseason. Ertz was recently placed on injured reserve, which means that he can not be traded. SI’s Albert Breer reported that the team attempted to trade the player before placing him on said IR. Prior to the injury, he had recorded 24 receptions for 178 yards and one touchdown. 

Breer added that wide receiver Alshon Jeffery is also on the trade block, but it is difficult to fathom anyone would want to take on that contract in relation to his limited production. 

Minnesota trades Yannick Ngakoue to Baltimore for draft picks

Less than two months after acquiring the pass rusher from Jacksonville, Minnesota shipped Yannick Ngakoue to the east coast in exchange for a package of draft picks less than they initially traded to the Jaguars. The Maryland native, who has recorded five sacks this season, is headed home in exchange for a 2021 third-round pick and a conditional 2022 fifth-round pick. 

Ravens general manager Eric DeCosta hinted that the Ravens may not be done making moves. The acquisition of Ngakoue is clearly a move to slow down Patrick Mahomes, who is sometimes flustered by heavy pass rush, and the Chiefs offense. CBS Sports’ Patrik Walker graded the trade acknowledging that Baltimore fleeced their trade partner. 

New York traded Willis and a 2021 seventh-round pick to the 49ers in exchange for a 2021 sixth-round pick. The capital gain is marginal at best but general manager Joe Douglas is cleaning house in the Big Apple. I explored some of the other Jets players that could find interest in their services at the trade deadline. 

New York trades Steve McLendon to Tampa Bay 

The Jets sent the defensive tackle and a 2023 seventh-round pick to the Buccaneers in exchange for a 2022 sixth-round pick. Tampa Bay had recently lost Vita Vea to an injury for the season.

It was later revealed that McLendon played for the Jets after finding out about his trade to the Buccaneers. A car was waiting for him after the game and he immediately drove to Tampa. 

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[how-do-i-turn-this-thing-off]

The Rebels Last Stand

Chapter XXXIX: A wound in Rose

////////////////////////////////

To start from Chapter I, go here: https://how-do-i-turn-this-thing-off.tumblr.com/post/169184041771/oh-my-god-you-know-what-i-want-i-want-rey-to-be

////////////////////////////////

   “So, you don't have a plan,” Finn summarized, his expression pure, almost aggrieved disbelief.

   “Infiltrate, isolate the officers, give them a chance to decide whose side they're on,” Ren replied, unamused.  “It's the obvious course of action.”

   “Right.  It's obvious, but you don't actually know how we're going to do it.  Which would usually be the plan part.”

   “I thought you volunteered for this?”

   “I was ASSIGNED to the trip,” Finn corrected.  “I VOLUNTEERED to help you see it through, and part of the reason is because I kind of assumed that was something you'd thought of.”

  “The Otomok System isn't that complex,” Rose interjected. “It's remote, and the only people living there are almost all miners, but it's been under First Order blockade for years so there's no one in or out unless they've got clearance.”

   “Do you have clearance?” Finn demanded, looking at Ren.

   “I don't know,” he had to admit.  “Probably not anymore.”

   “Great. That's great.  So not only do you not have a plan for WHEN we get to the planet, you also don't have a plan for HOW we get to the planet.”

  Chewie called back over his shoulder into the cramped crew quarters to the effect that Poe had thought of that, and that's why he'd given them the ship they were on.  “Well if the Ghost can get through that's half the job done,” Ren replied, privately not sure whether or not he'd really consider it a good thing overall if a First Order blockade could be that easily subverted.  “We have an auxiliary craft we might be able to use as a decoy, if things go south.”

   “A decoy manned by who?” Finn asked suspiciously.

   “Me.  Any of you would die.”

   “But you'll be fine.”

   “I'll have the greatest chance of being fine,” Ren said, refusing to be sidelined by the pronounced doubt in Finn's tone, turning to Rose.  “I need to know everything you can tell me about Otomok.  I have basic base schematics and a skeleton outline of the officers stationed there, but any information about the area around the base, nearby settlements, any civilians who go in and out, would be invaluable.”    “Well, the base on Hays Major was a lot bigger and more complicated than the base I knew on Hays Minor, I think, but they're still there mostly for ore mining and that's what my family does- did- so I might be able to help with that if we can figure out how the First Order and the mines nearby work together.”

   “You're from Hays Minor?” Ren questioned, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't have ignored if he wanted to.    “Yes,” Rose said, meeting his eyes then looking away.

   “But it's still worth it to get her perspective on the system,” Finn said, clearly not picking up on the sudden tension in the room. “It's only one planet over, right?  And maybe that's our in-- from the mine side, rather than trying to get in to the base directly.”   “It could be,” Ren agreed, making himself look away as he pulled out his holocron.  “This is the information I have; I'll upload it to your datascreens.  I also have some basic maps of the planet's surface but they don't cover the mine or anything beneath the crust.”    “This means more tunnels, doesn't it?” Finn moaned, but he pulled out his datascreen just the same.  Ren made himself open the relevant information, made himself continue his explanation of the information he'd gathered so far, made himself transfer to them what he could- being extremely careful not to provide the Rebels with any unnecessary First Order information- and all throughout he could feel that tension, swimming back and forth between himself and Rose like an ocean serpent, undulating in the Force with almost overwhelming discomfort and shame.  He could barely get through everything he had to say, and it took far more concentration than he'd anticipated to answer Finn's questions when he was done.  Chewie had a couple observations to make as well but Rose stayed silent, head down, only speaking when spoken too and then saying very little.  Ren couldn't imagine how Chewie and Finn hadn't noticed; every time he glanced at her he found himself dreading what he would have to do more and more.  Realistically it was bound to have happened sooner or later, that he would stumble across a sin the First Order had committed that effected one of the Rebels he knew best, beyond merely losing comrades every now and again in the course of indiscriminate and impersonal battlefields.  But it seemed particularly hard, somehow, that that Rebel had turned out to be Rose.    “I'll see what the Ghost has got on Otomok, if anything,” Finn finally decided, stretching and looking over what he had on his datascreen so far.  “If we can establish a decent link to some local trading systems they might be willing to give us something, particularly on the mines.  Chewie, any chance there's a Rebel outpost in the area?”  Chewie indicated there wasn't and Finn shrugged.  “Might be some sympathizers, though.  You never know. We'll put the call out.”    Ren nodded, then took a deep breath, pocketing his holocron and standing to his feet.  He wouldn't try to avoid it; if it had to happen it had to be now.  “Rose, could I talk to you?”    “What?” Finn asked, looking up in surprise as Rose stood too, glancing between them.  “Talk to her? Why?”    “I'll tell you later,” Rose said softly, her eyes on her feet.  Ren turned to the rear exit of the crew quarters, where a cramped galley stair led to the main and only cargo bay.  If he'd thought the Millennium Falcon was tight then Ghost was practically a floating crypt-- an unpleasant mental image he tried to scrub from his mind the moment he thought of it.  Frankly he could have done with a longer walk but they were through the airlock and in the cargo bay before he knew it, and he sealed the airlock behind them once Rose was through and turned to her.  She was standing in the empty space with her hands twisted together and her shoulders hunched, still staring at the ground.    “You shouldn't have come,” he said bluntly, then inwardly cursed himself.  Not the time, or at the very least, not the observation he should be opening with.  “Have you been back, since...?”

   “No.  I thought I would with Paige, or that when everything was over-- but she died and I've been, you know, in the war.”

   “Are you sure you want to?” he asked, not that he had any alternative to offer.  What would they do if she changed her mind? Drop her on some other planet?  Head for the shipping lanes and try to find someone willing to loop around towards Ord Canfre?  Yes, he decided.  If they had to.  But Rose didn't say anything, nor make any motion yes or no, and he waited a moment, watching her.  “You don't have to,” he added after a while.    “I didn't even know if you'd know about it,” she said, finally looking up at him, her expression agonizingly grief-stricken but not accusatory, which was infinitely worse than if it had been pure hatred.  “I didn't know if you'd remember, even if you heard the name.  It was just a tiny planet out in the middle of nowhere.”    “I remember, Rose. I felt it.  I wasn't there but no matter how far away you are you always feel it, if you're strong in the Force.  The destruction of a planet leaves a wound that nothing can disguise.”

   “You felt it every time?” she repeated, and finally some of that disbelief he'd expected was starting to filter through.   “Yes.”  She didn't say anything, but the next question was only obvious: why didn't he stop it?  Why didn't he save her home?  Or at the very least, why did he stand by when he knew what was going to happen, if he had even a chance to resist it?  A question he had no good answer for, and never had.  Of all the things he'd done, or at least been complicit in, during his time at the First Order, the killing of whole worlds and all the life on them was by far the worst, and the most impossible to forgive.  And the silence stretched on and he could feel, in the Force and in his bones and maybe in whatever he had left that he called a heart, that she thought that, too.

   “Did you have... people, still, on the planet, when it happened?” he asked, praying she'd say that by some miracle they'd all left when she and her sister did.    “My parents,” she replied, dashing even that faint hope.    “Do you know...?” Rose shook her head, looking down again, and in the Force he could feel something tearing in her, some grief so great that even in his senses he could only approach the edge of it, straining under the pressure of her control, her determination to hold it back, all this long while.

   “We could look for them.  If they escaped it might have been to Hays Major.”  She nodded at the floor but said nothing; it was a flimsy offer, a hopeless ploy to make something right that could never be undone.  “Rose...” he tried again, helplessly, but she wouldn't look up.  “I-- I'm sorry.  For whatever my part was in it, I'm sorry.  There's nothing more I can say.”    “You're going back to them.”    “I can make them better.  I can't fix what they- what we- did before, but I can make sure it never happens again.”    “That's not who the First Order is,” she disagreed, finally looking up, her face shining with tears that hadn't been there before, tears that tore through him like blaster bolts.  “They're evil, and they destroy things that aren't evil like them.  And if you're not evil like them they'll just destroy you too, like everything else. ”    A fate that, at this particular moment, he was fairly convinced he deserved.  “I'm going to try,” he said, reaching for her, physically with his hand but also in the Force, brushing against the growing hurricane of her emotions. “Rose--.”    “Don't,” she gasped, stepping back from him, almost stumbling in her haste to get away.    “Let me take it.”    “Don't you dare,” she said, hand dropping to her blaster almost as if she intended to use it, eyes locked on his with absolute fury even though her tears were falling thicker and faster every moment.  “Don't you dare, Kylo Ren.”

   It was the name, more than anything, that made him jerk back, the name and the way she said it, like she was spitting it, like she had to say it quickly to get the taste out of her mouth.  There must have been something in his face that showed his emotions in that moment because she flinched seeing his reaction and looked down at the hand on her blaster like it wasn't even hers, jerking it away.  “Just go,” she whispered, hugging herself around the middle, arms locked tight, tears staining the front of her shirt, dappling the metal floor.  “Just go.”    He wanted to stay, needed to stay, needed to apologize to her again in a way that would make a difference, needed at the very least to draw off some of her pain as an atonement, but he didn't deserve atonement, didn't deserve anything she felt like denying him.  It tasted strongly of cowardice to turn away but he did, obeying her condemnation, returning through the airlock, up the galley stair, and into the crew quarters.  Finn was sitting up in the cockpit with Chewie now but turned around immediately, eyeing Ren with a frown.    “She's still in the cargo bay,” Ren said, continuing into the cockpit where they could both hear him clearly.  “She asked me to leave.”    “Why? What did you say?” Finn demanded, standing out of his chair.   “Nothing that made any difference.  You heard her tell us earlier that she's from Hays Minor?”  Finn nodded, and even Chewie turned toward him curiously.  “The First Order destroyed Hays Minor.  When Starkiller Base was complete that was the planet we tested it on. There was no real reason,” he admitted, taking in the stark shock on Finn's face.  “There were some Rebel sympathizers there, some local unrest, but the same was true of a dozen planets just like it. I don't know how or why that was the one that was picked.”   “You destroyed her planet?” Finn repeated, like he was choking on the words, like they were sticking in his throat somehow.

   “Yes.  Rose and her sister had already left, but her parents were still there.  She has no reason so far to believe they survived.”    “You killed Rose's family?!” Finn gasped, his emotions boiling in the Force, rage, pain, anger, grief.

   “Yes,” Ren said, but he barely got the word out before Finn had slammed into him, knocking him backwards, hard, into the console behind him.  Ren barely had time to absorb the impact before Finn's fist connected with his left cheek, sending him to the floor, hard. Finn was right behind, hitting Ren a second time, a third, and only on the fourth blow did Ren reach out in the Force to stop his hand in midair.    “You killed them!” Finn screamed in his face, trying to go for Ren with his other fist, but Ren caught that one, too.  “Let me go you bastard!  YOU KILLED THEM!”  He was raging so much he never saw Chewie stand behind him, plucking Finn away like he was picking up a small child, setting him on his feet on the opposite side of the cockpit.    “Rose needs you,” Ren gasped, getting to his feet, wiping away some of the blood that was trailing down his face.  “She's in the cargo bay, crying.”   “You bastard,” Finn snarled, Chewie's arm holding him back as he tried to go for Ren again.    “I know I am.  But you can hit me later.  Rose needs you.”    “This isn't over, Solo,” Finn said, shaking Chewie off, straightening his jacket.  “I am going to hit you again.  You can count on it.”    “I'll be here,” Ren muttered, but Finn was already storming away, his feet snapping against the floor hard enough to make the metal ring.  Chewie sat back down in the pilot's seat and Ren took the newly empty co-pilot's chair next to him, wiping at his face again.  Finn hit hard, and he had more than one wound; in the end he decided to just wait it out and to try and clean himself up later, leaning back in the chair and staring at the stars streaking past without really seeing them.  He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't realize Chewie had reached across until he felt something nudge his arm and looked down to see a First Aid kit in the Wookie's massive paw.  He nodded his thanks but said nothing, taking the kit and leaving it in his lap as he leaned back again, letting himself bleed.

/////////////////////////// Chapter XL: https://how-do-i-turn-this-thing-off.tumblr.com/post/190131756861/the-rebels-last-stand ///////////////////////////

A/N: the destruction of Hays Minor is canon, and was covered in the comic explaining Rose Tico’s origins.  Whether her parents died at the time or not is assumed, but unconfirmed. My Ao3, and all my Reylo stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/how_do_i_turn_this_thing_off

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Misery Loves Company part 1

***Dear Reader, 

Although this chapter follows the book, please be warned that during the dinner scene, I had added a bit more details and the end result could be described as mild child abuse. So if you have any triggers pertaining to physical abuse on a child, please skip that section entirely. The mild child abuse starts after Olaf slaps Klaus and ends when Klaus and Sunny go back to their attic bedroom. (It's towards the end of this chapter.).

Please read cautiously. Thank you again.

-Susan

                                           Chapter Four:

The One Where Olaf Throws a Temper Tantrum Resulting in Child Abuse

Klaus Baudelaire understood that first impressions were often entirely wrong. He knew that from experience. When Sunny was first born, Klaus did not like her at all but by the time she was six weeks the two of them were as thick as thieves. Wherever Klaus was at you’d find Sunny and vice versa. But in the case of Count Olaf, their initial reaction had been utterly correct. During their first few days after their arrival, Klaus and Sunny tried their best to make themselves feel at home but it was no use. Every time either of them had the strength to lift up their chin in this terrible moment, it felt as though Olaf was there personally to push it back down.

Both children had noticed that Count Olaf’s house was quite large, but he had stuck both children into the attic that only had one bed. One improper bed. Klaus found it easier to sleep on the floor some nights seeing that the bed was too lumpy and uncomfortable. Klaus wasn’t creative or inventive in the least but he made do with what he had. He had always wanted a hammock, so he used the dusty curtains that were draped on their one window to create a make-shift hammock that he and Sunny shared. At first, he was going to simply let Sunny have the poorly designed hammock and he’d sleep on the poorly conditioned bed but he had fears that Sunny would roll out of the hammock and fall or that his inventive skills would fail her and she’d fall. So he opted to share it with her so if it did fall while she was in it, he would be there to break her fall. It wasn’t too uncomfortable. They had just shared a small mattress on the floor of the Poe brothers’ room so this seemed like a slight downgrade. Klaus used the bed more like a chair or a surface for Sunny to play on, with him watching attentively, of course.

Klaus hated that the only three books he had were the ones he packed that day when their parents had ushered him into taking Sunny to the beach. Klaus couldn’t help but wonder maybe there was a more sinister reason why he and Sunny were practically begged out of their house that day. Did his parents know what was going to happen? If they did know, why didn’t they just come with them to the beach? Why did his parents leave them all alone?

Since they had removed the curtains from the window, both children were woken up bright and early from the morning sun which Klaus hated more than Sunny. He would rather prefer to wake up on his own accord. Sunny had also suggested that the two children simply use the diaper bag and suitcase as a closet seeing that the attic room did not have a closet and Count Olaf hadn’t provided them with anything but a large box that once held a refrigerator. Klaus had decided to keep that intact and use it to entertain Sunny, seeing that Olaf had only provided them with a pile of rocks, which did entertain Sunny because she would simply just chew and bite on the rocks until she was bored but Klaus thought playing with the box would be more fun. It was the only time he was glad he was a short, young boy, so he could play in the box as well. When he wasn’t examining, what he now believed to be half of a spyglass that Sunny had found hidden in their father’s desk drawer, he was using to play sea captain or anything else his unimaginative brain could think of. He was very careful with the object, of course. It was one of the only things from his parents that they had left and he wasn’t about to break it.

Both Baudelaire orphans had learned real quick that Olaf was neither interesting or kind. He might have been an actor, but the children could see that he was vastly untalented and was too into himself to notice. He was also very demanding, short-tempered, and bad-smelling. Both children tried their very best to not cross paths with him every day. When the children woke up, they would find a small pot of oatmeal on the stove for them to eat for breakfast and a long list of difficult chores, such as repairing the back porch and cleaning one of the bathrooms with just a toothbrush. What bugged both siblings that most that Count Olaf never signed his name, simply signed with that same strange eye motif that he had on his ankle.

On this particular morning, his note read, “My theater troupe will be coming for dinner before tonight’s rehearsal. Have dinner ready for all five of them by the time they arrive at seven o’clock. Buy the food, prepare it, set the table, serve dinner, clean up afterward, and stay out of our way.” Klaus read the note to Sunny as he counted the bare minimum money that Olaf had left them to get groceries. “This fucking cheap, lazy bastard,” Klaus muttered. “He can’t be serious. He does realize that we are a young boy and an infant. We don’t have any catering skills whatsoever.”

Sunny nodded her head in agreement, “Necille” she replied gesturing to their bowls of oatmeal, which probably meant, “Neither does he.”

Klaus chuckled at this. “I mean at least he doesn’t burn it,”

“Toast!” Sunny shrieked in agreement. Sunny, like her brother, was referring to a morning not long before the Baudelaire parents’ demise where Klaus and Sunny had decided to wake up early to make a special breakfast for their parents. Klaus had burned the toast because he was paying too much attention to Sunny, and their parents, smelling smoke, had run downstairs to see what was happening. When they saw Klaus and Sunny both looking miserably at the pitch-black pieces of toast, both parents laughed and made pancakes for the entire family.

“I wish they were here,” Klaus said aloud. Sunny just nodded her head in agreement. “If they were here, we would not be with Count Olaf at all. God, I hate it here, Sunny! I hate this disgusting pigsty he calls a fucking house! I hate that sorry excuse for a bedroom and its useless bed! I hate having to do all these ridiculous chores and I fucking hate Count Olaf!” he shouted losing his cool.

Sunny looked at her brother and offered him a small smile, “Too!” she shrieked in agreement, meaning, “I do, too, Klaus. But we will get through this.”

Klaus smiled at his baby sister in relief. Somethings saying you hate something and then having someone agree with you, can make you feel a little better in a bleak situation. That was what Sunny had done for Klaus.

“Well, we better figure out how we are going to cook for eight people,” Klaus said rolling his eyes.

“Iudex.” Sunny replied, meaning, “Maybe we can ask Justice Strauss if she has a cookbook.”

“Sunny, that’s a brilliant idea,” Klaus said picking up his baby sister and heading across the street. He knocked on the door and almost immediately, Justice Strauss answered smiling at the two children.

“Why hello Baudelaires. I am sorry that I didn’t come down to visit you...I’ve been extremely busy with a case,” Justice Strauss said quickly hugging both Klaus and Sunny. She peered down at little Sunny and looked to Klaus, “Do you think it’d be fine if I held her?”

Usually, this would have alarmed Klaus but Justice Strauss had seemed like a good, honest, and trustworthy person. He simply smiled. “I don’t see anything wrong with that...do you Sunny?”

Sunny gave Justice Strauss a toothy grin as she held out her arms towards the judge. The judge carefully and gently took Sunny from Klaus’ arms and held her close. “She is such a little cutie,” Justice Strauss cooed at Sunny. Sunny felt warm in the judge’s embrace. It had been so long since someone other than Klaus held her. Justice Strauss reminded Sunny a little bit of her mother but she didn’t want to make Justice Strauss feel as if she had upset Sunny, so Sunny held in her tears. Sunny reached down and gently bit Strauss’ hand which slightly startled her.

“That means she likes you,” Klaus explained. “She bites very, very hard if she doesn’t like you...or if you try to give her a bath.” Sunny just nodded at her brother’s explanation.

“I see,” Justice Strauss replied. “So how have you children been this past couple of days? Is there anything you desire?”

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another. Both thinking of everything they desired. A proper crib for Sunny, for starters. Maybe even some toys for Sunny and some books for Klaus. A better bed for Klaus. New curtains for their bedroom window so they didn’t have to wake up so early every morning. A closet would be beneficial to the children as well but most of all they both desired that they were with their parents in their own home and not with Count Olaf in his horrid house. Both children looked down at the ground unhappily until finally, Klaus spoke up.

“If it’s not too much of a bother, do you think we could borrow a cookbook?”

“A cookbook? Why in the world would you need a cookbook?” she asked gesturing for Klaus to follow her and Sunny inside. Klaus and Sunny gazed around the living room and realized that the inside of Justice Strauss’ home was just as beautiful as her front garden. The children wished with all their hearts that this would be their home not Count Olaf’s vile, disgusting, abhorrent home.

“We need to cook Count Olaf and his theatre troupe dinner,” Klaus replied.

“Why on Earth would Count Olaf ask you to do that?” Justice Strauss asked.

Klaus and  Sunny looked at one another. Both having decided on vastly different answers to Justice Strauss’ question.

“Lazy,” Sunny replied at the same time as Klaus said, “He...gives us a lot of responsibility.”

“Well, why don’t you follow me into the backyard where I can show you my private library.”

Klaus’ eyes widened with pure happiness. His mouth formed a smile. “Did you say ‘library’?” He asked making sure he heard her correctly. Justice Strauss simply nodded gesturing him to follow her. As she carried Sunny, she led both children to an elegant walkway that smelt of flowers into an enormous room, upon entering the room, Klaus nearly fainted with delight.

Justice Strauss’ private library was nowhere near as big as the Baudelaire’s family library but it was stocked from floor to ceiling with books and books and books. There were shelves along every wall and each bookshelf was full. In the middle of the room were a few reading chairs and in one corner was a desk that Justice Strauss used to do serious research.

“This is a wonderful library!” Klaus exclaimed giddily. Even Sunny smiled at all the books. It’s been a while since Klaus had read something to her that wasn’t a Disney fairytale or Cat in the Hat which were two of three books left in their possession after the fire.

“Beaut!” Sunny exclaimed clapping her tiny hands.

“Thank you very much. I’ve been collecting books for years and I am very proud of my collection. As long as you keep them in good condition, you are welcome to use any of my books, at any time.”

Klaus nearly fainted again with pure happiness. It had been so long since he had felt joy. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course. It is a pleasure to see such young children interested in books,” she replied smiling. She gently handed Klaus back his baby sister and began to pull cookbooks off the shelf.

After thirty minutes of looking through cookbooks, Sunny pointed at the picture of an Italian dish that she thought would be simple for her and her brother to cook. “Ital,” she said to Klaus.

“It says Pasta Puttanesca,” Klaus read, “Hmmm...I believe that’s Italian for ‘very few ingredients’ or ‘sauce’. I’m not sure. But you are right, Sunny. It does sound easy to make.” He said as he read the recipe.

After Klaus had written down the recipe in his commonplace book, Justice Strauss had offered to take the kids to the market and help them buy the ingredients for the dinner. Once they got back home, Justice Strauss hugged both children again.

“Thank you again, Justice Strauss. We appreciate the help,” Klaus said as he and Sunny reached their front door.

“Oh, anytime children. It continues to strike me as odd that Count Olaf would ask a twelve-year-old boy and his baby sister to cook such a large meal, though. But no matter, I hope to see you, children, again soon.”

“Cras?” Sunny asked, which meant, “Could we come over tomorrow?” and Klaus was very quick to translate.

“I don’t see why not.” The judge replied and bid the children goodbye as both children walked into their home closing the door behind them.

The next hour or so, they had spent preparing the meal. Klaus roasted garlic and chopped anchovies, while Sunny chopped parsley with her teeth. Klaus pitted olives and peeled tomatoes, while Sunny banged on a pot with a wooden spoon singing a rather repetitive song that she had written herself.  When they had finally set the sauce to simmer, they began working on making the chocolate pudding. The two children were so busy that they didn’t hear Olaf or his troupe come home. When the two Baudelaire children entered the dining room, they had noticed the frightening characters that were in Olaf’s troupe. Two elderly women wore such terrible and ghastly white make up on their faces, the Baudelaire orphans nearly mistook them as clowns. There was a tall bald man with a long, pointy nose. There was a person of indeterminate gender, who in all honesty, looked the least frightening of the group. Finally, there was a man with two sharp hooks where his hands should be. Sunny let out a tiny whimper as Klaus couldn’t help but freeze in the doorway of the dining room. Both children were not surprised to see that Olaf’s troupe was just as terrifying and threatening as he was and this made both Baudelaires very nervous.

“When are we going to eat!?” Olaf yelled which made Klaus jump. He looked down at Sunny who he had to place on the floor so he could hold the bowl of pasta. Quickly as Olaf continued to blabber on about who knows what; Klaus and Sunny were barely paying any attention to their guardian, assuming that he was probably just ranting about himself again, Klaus began to serve the pasta with Sunny staying close behind him not wanting to be left alone with Olaf and his dreadful company. After serving the pasta, Klaus ran back into the kitchen to retrieve the sauce. He circled the table again, with Sunny following him again. Finally, both children stopped at the head of the table where Olaf sat.

“...I give and give to my public like I give and give to these revolting orphans. But sometimes, and every actor does this, I ask myself is it worth it? Is it really worth it to chase an enormous fortune…” Olaf stated as the Hook Handed Man interrupted him.

“Ummm, boss,” He said gesturing to Klaus and Sunny.

Olaf turned and made a revolted face towards the children. “Where’s the roast beef?”

“What?” Klaus replied dumbfounded.

“Beef. Yes, roast beef.” Olaf said as his eyes began to get shinier with every word.

Klaus took a step back, “We didn’t make any roast beef. We made pasta puttanesca.”

“What? No roast beef?!”

“You didn’t tell us you wanted roast beef!” Klaus shouted back.

“Look at my guests! They can hardly touch this revolting food!”

Klaus looked at the table and this couldn’t be further from the truth. Each member of Olaf’s troupe was happily enjoying the meal that the two youngsters had prepared only when their boss had said this, all five of them slowly stopped eating and watched the scene that was unfolding before them.

Olaf stood up so he could be face to face with Klaus, he took the pot full of sauce out of Klaus’ hands and set it on the table and gave Klaus a small smile, “Now, in agreeing to adopt you, I became your father. And as your father, I am not someone to be trifled with. ”

“You can’t go easy on children, boss. You should teach them to respect their elders.” the Hook Handed man interrupted as he began eating again.

“I demand that you serve roast beef to myself and my guests!” Olaf yelled in Klaus’ face.

“No!” Sunny yelled from the floor. “Fucker!”

Klaus froze in horror as Olaf looked down at the floor. Before Klaus could react, Olaf swooped down and picked up Sunny harshly and stood up, lifting her so she was now the Baudelaire orphan that was face to face with him.

“Sunny!” Klaus cried. “Put her down!”

“Alas, poor Sunny.” Count Olaf said as he chuckled deviously. Sunny began to cry. She was terrified, she wanted to bite Olaf’s hand but she was afraid that she would get hurt if he dropped her from this height. She looked to her older brother for help, reaching out her arms for him to grab her. Klaus reached out to grab her but Olaf used one hand to push him back. “Nah uh,” he said to Klaus as he began to lift Sunny with one hand above his head.

Klaus defeated by Olaf’s height simply held his hands out following where Olaf was balancing his sister. If Olaf intended on dropping her, he intended on catching her. “ Let her go!” Klaus yelled and looked with pleading eyes at Olaf’s troupe. The only one who seemed concerned for Sunny was the Hook handed man who had his hooks out ready to catch Sunny if Olaf was going to drop her. But no one else did anything. No one else said anything. No one else came to Sunny’s rescue. Klaus felt hot tears fall from his face as Count Olaf began to wobble while still holding Sunny with one hand. Klaus didn’t know if he was doing this on purpose or if he was too drunk, either way, he was pissing Klaus off. Sunny was crying so loud that it was freaking Klaus out. He hoped Count Olaf wasn’t hurting her. Finally, after he nearly fell backward, Olaf looked down at the table and said, “This table’s a mess! There’s hardly a place to put down a baby.” He surprisingly set Sunny down on top of a fruit bowl gently and slid her down the table a bit.

“Sunny!” Klaus cried feeling relieved that his baby sister was relatively safe. Klaus looked at his guardian furiously.

“We’re leaving for rehearsals!” Olaf shouted at his troupe. “You orphans are to clean up, do the dishes, polish the silver, and rinse out all the wine bottles for recycling…” he began elbowing Klaus in the chest, “and then you are to go straight to your beds.”

Klaus had had enough. “You mean our bed!” he shouted. Olaf simply turned to him. “You only provided us with one fucking bed! And if I am being quite frank, neither of us can use!”

“If you want a new bed or two, tomorrow you may go into town and purchase it,” Olaf said simply not even looking at the boy and taking another few gulps of wine.

“You know very well that we haven’t any money,” Klaus said through gritted teeth.

“Of course you do. You two lucky little brats are the inheritors of an enormous fortune,”

“That money that our parents left behind is not to be used until I…”

It happened so quickly that no one saw it coming. In the blink of an eye, Olaf lifted his hand and slapped Klaus so hard across the face that it made the young boy fall to the floor. Klaus’ face was inches away from the eye tattooed on Olaf’s ankle. His glasses leaped from his face and skittered into a corner. His cheek felt like it was set on fire. Klaus began to cry while holding his cheek and crawling towards his glasses. Count Olaf began to take a few bows as his theatre troupe who had started laughing when they saw Olaf smack Klaus, began to applaud him as if he had done something deserving of praise.

The only person who was not laughing at Klaus’ misery, was his baby sister who at that time had had enough of Olaf herself. So before Olaf could even see her coming, she crawled as fast as she could across the table and when Olaf took his final bow, Sunny bit his hand. She bit his hand so hard and long enough that Olaf’s hand began to bleed. Olaf smacked his wine glass off the table as he maneuvered his hand out of Sunny’s grasp. “You fucking feral little brat!” he yelled towards Sunny who decided to take Olaf’s first initial seconds of shock as a chance for her to scurry away from him.

Klaus who had just found his glasses realized who Olaf was referring to and he jumped up forgetting his pain and rushed to Sunny, picking her up before Count Olaf reached her. Olaf began to swing his fists in Klaus’ direction and Klaus held Sunny close to him, his back towards Olaf, who kept swinging and swinging until Klaus fell to the ground. Klaus kept Sunny as close as physically possible as he endured every punch and kick Olaf gave to him. Sunny held on to her brother with a bit of guilt in her heart. She didn’t think Olaf would beat Klaus this badly for something she had done. She looked up at her brother as Olaf continued to beat the poor boy senseless. Klaus began to cry and plead for Olaf to stop. He didn’t stop until the hook-handed man put a hook on Olaf’s shoulder and whispered something Klaus couldn’t hear. Olaf gave Klaus one final kick to the back of the head before he and his awful troupe disappeared out of the dining room.

It took Klaus several moments to release Sunny from his grasp. He needed to make sure Olaf was gone. After he let go of Sunny, he fell face-first to the floor and curled up into a ball and began to cry. Sunny sat next to him doing her best to console him.

“Klaus,” she said in a small whimper. He merely looked up at her. She could see that his cheek was still red where Olaf had initially hit him. She could see his eyes were red from his tears and that his face was puffy and tear-stained. “Sorry,” she said simply rubbing his head and putting one hand on his bruised cheek.

Klaus shook his head. “No, don’t….don’t be sorry...Sunny. I made a promise to you, Mom, and Dad that I intend on keeping...no matter what.”

Sunny only nodded still rubbing his head just like all the times he would for her. She did feel sorry. She was only defending him, she had no idea Olaf would have reacted in that matter. Sunny, too, began to cry. She felt like she had caused her brother's pain when she only wanted to cause Olaf pain. After several long moments of crying and trying to stand up straight, Klaus finally was able to pick up Sunny and limp upstairs to their attic bedroom. After making sure that Olaf didn’t make him bleed, he laid down in the self-made hammock he and Sunny shared and grabbed a book. Sunny shook her head.

“I read,” she said to him and Klaus smiled. It was their nightly tradition that Klaus would read Sunny to sleep, but tonight, Sunny wanted to read him to sleep. So as he handed her The Cat in the Hat both siblings tried to forget about what a terrible night they just had and tried to think of happier things in their lives, like each other.

[bibbitdarling]

Outlining

I’m not sure about all of the other writblrs out there, but I have a lot of trouble with outlining my novel. I’ve tried several methods that I thought might be helpful, and so far nothing has stuck. So today, I went on a mission. I opened up YouTube and put in: Outlining a novel. I wasn’t disappointed.

The reason why I went to YouTube is that I’m mostly a visual learner, so I learn best by reading and watching videos (even better if I can watch a video with subtitles), and I’ve already looked at some tips written on Tumblr. 

For each video I will provide a brief summary and my thoughts. WARNING: MY THOUGHTS ARE JUST MY OPINIONS AND ARE NOT FACTS. Before moving onto the next video I will post a rating (this rating is based on how useful I found the video, so again, this is just my opinion. You could very well prefer a video I gave a 3 star to than a 5 star). 

Here is what I came up with:

1. HOW TO OUTLINE - Katytastic

I loved Katytastic, I already followed her before I went looking for an Outline video, so I was pleasantly surprised when her video popped up first in my search. Her outline is simple and pretty easy to understand: It’s a 3 Act, 9 Block, 27 chapter example. The video not only explains how she charts out this diagram, but also uses an example novel to show the watchers (readers) how it works with a novel. It was easy to listen to her explanations, and her example was delightful. She also goes into more depth on the example, as the original was a quick (like you would do in a first draft) write down, which was extremely helpful. Overall, I believe this to be a very good example of an outline (One I might try for another novel of mine). 

Bonus: Now I really want a white board to write an outline on.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

2. #HowlWrite- Alessandra Torre

Alessandra Torre is a New York Time’s Bestseller. I haven’t personally read any of her books (although, from looking at her website, I’m considering trying out her Deanna Madden Series), but what drew me to her video was that it was different from Katytastic’s, both are physical outlines (which I’m always drawn to). I also like that she takes the time to show us her way instead of just talking about it (a few of the videos I’ve found do that, and they don’t really work for me). 

For Alessandra’s outline technique you need: Note cards (different colored cards are most useful) and a pen. She uses a well known story (Cinderella) as her example with this method, which makes it easy to follow. 

I’m going to start off with what I liked about this outline. I like how physical it is. Unlike with Katytastic’s method, if we want to change something around we just move our cards around (with a pen/pencil/marker and paper/white board we would have to erase and I don’t know about you, but that can get a bit frustrating when you’re moving things around too much). 

So here’s the thing. It is a very simple technique. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but to me (yes, this is my opinion, and in no way a fact), this seems to be a useful way for brainstorming your story. I brainstorm a bit too much, when I originally come up with an idea for a story I almost automatically have 5 characters off the bat, so this method could get a bit too confusing for me. I do get the advantages for this outline though, so I thought it would be useful to share. 

As well, I think Katytastic’s pace was better (for me that is), and Alessandra is a bit slower (so I lose concentration faster). I do have ADD though, and don’t respond well to slow videos. This is in no way a dig on Alessandra, just a preference and completely my fault. 

Rating: 3 out of 5 (However, this method might work for you, just not for me).

3. Beat Sheet Method- Iasmina Edina

First, I want to mention that I picked this method 1. Because I really liked her hair. 2. Harry Potter. 3. Different from both methods mentioned above! 

While this video doesn’t show a physical representation of the method, she does showcase the beat on the side of the video (I don’t know what they are called, but I’m going to leave it at that). According to the summary of her video, the beat sheet method is from Blake Snyder’s Save the Cat (and now I’m considering getting the book), so this is her way of explaining the method to the best of her abilities. Let me just say: She does a fantastic job. She uses the Harry Potter film as an example when she explains each beat, which can really clear up what is done in said beat. 

The beat method, from what I’ve gathered, is similar to the 3 Act structure (which I believe is what Katytastic used), but as Iasmina says, is more of a plot structured template. Instead of being 27 chapters, it’s 15 beats. 

The trouble I have with this method is that I have trouble figuring out how to structure this into what I need to fill with each chapter (15 chapters seems to little, and I’m pretty positive that the beats don’t equal the amount of chapters). I need a structure that tells me what I need to do for each chapter, so far, the 3 Act method seems to work best for me.

This method should work well for most of you though, I’m just a little special when it comes to outlines. 

Rating: 4 out of 5: I like it, it would definitely help me flush out my story, but it’s not the exact method I see myself using.

4. SnowFlake Method - Brit Poe

Brit Poe is super cute, which was definitely my main reason for picking this video... just kidding. It was partially why. The main reason I picked this video was that I wanted to know more about the SnowFlake Method. I’ve heard about it before, but never looked into it, but now I have! I can’t say if I’m super into or not, because I haven’t figured that out yet. One reason may be that it still doesn’t help me with the chapters issue that I mentioned with the Beat Method. Another reason may be because it wasn’t very visual. 

What I did like about this video was that she explained it very well, even if I checked out about halfway through. The best part about Brit is that she realizes that some may be more visual learners (*cough* like myself *cough*), so she leaves several links in her summary- one of which leads to her blog post where she has everything she said written out (which helped me a lot). She also leaves links to the SnowFlake Method website and a free resource to a character chart template (this girl is so sweet, she kills me). 

The last thing I want to mention is that... I ended up creating an account with Trello because of her blog. At the end of her blog post that goes along with this video, she offers a Trello Outlining of the SnowFlake Method (MORE VISUALS), if you’re a member (you can sign up, its free, and you join a the Scribe Community- which is pretty cool). I should mention that this is not at all a promo, I get absolutely nothing out of this, I just thought this was really cool and kind of works with the Act 3 method (but not completely as the boards are vertical and I can’t seem to change it to horizontal)

Rating: 4 out of 5: I really liked it, I loved the resources she gave, but when it came down to it, I still wasn’t 100% sold. 

Overall, I think my favorite method out of these 4 is the 3 Act method.

That is the end of my search. If you want more methods, you might want to try out this video:

It showcases a bunch of ways you can outline your novel. I’m not going to give a review for this video, as I find it’s a bit much to unpack. I will say that I think Michael La Ronn, or Author Level Up, does really well at giving you the information and resources needed to find out which outline might work best for you. He includes a bit of visuals, so I don’t get completely lost. 

So there you go, the videos I found (that weren’t Part 1, 2, 3, etc.) that might be helpful in your journey of outlining. 

Maybe I’ll make another post on helpful sites or apps that I use when building my novel? 

[backtomybookshelf]

An Analysis on A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning.

Once upon a time, I wrote a small letter to Lemony Snicket at the height of the popularity of A Series of Unfortunate Events books, fueled by my own anticipation of the book coming on October of 2006, appropriately on Friday the Thirteenth. Just a few days afterwards, I received a response from him via a post card. Even now; it was one of my most precious memories when I received the post card. It was one of those mass printed post cards that the publishing house would send. It was a very fascinating dead eye moment in my childhood. 

What was even better was that the poem itself was an Acrostic, a word which here means a constrained writing form in poetry where the first letter, syllable, or word of each line is used to spell a word, message, or even the alphabet. I was ecstatic when I read through and only I could see “Olaf is near,” and could only mentally prepare myself for the imaginary battle of good versus evil against the filthy and greedy Count Olaf.

But, that’s not what I remember most of all. As I look at it now, I still remember the post script in the upper left-hand corner which writes, “P.S. You’re a great writer, Johan!” Now, a part of me suspects that it was written by a writer’s assistant, but the child in me desired it to be his own hand, written in ink and in casual capital letters. Until I meet him, I wouldn’t know. And I don’t know if I want to meet him. 

Now and again, I pull down my copy of the Beatrice Letters and pull out the post card to look at it and remember the moment of my dreams being set into an orchestral piece with a full chorus of opera singers rising in my head. Truly, that was one of the pivotal moments that set me down the path of becoming a writer, studying creative writing in college and writing my own pieces from time to time. 

Lemony Snicket, the moniker of Daniel Handler, was one of my heroes as a child. Which is why I am making I’m writing this piece as a retrospective of the Series of Unfortunate Events. With the new release of the Netflix series making what I feel to be the most genuine interpretation of Handler’s world of Victorian gothic mixed with some darkly comedic moments within its pages of absurdism, it is a true departure from what the Nickelodeon movie had done with its rushed collaboration of the first three books slammed into each other like some Cronenbergian monster with the semi-retired actor Jim Carrey at its helm.  I want to revisit the books and see how they stand as their own entities. I will take the books a few paragraphs at a time, not summarizing their own plots but acknowledging what Handler does to keep his audience tearing through the pages to the end, as I did long ago. 

The Bad Beginning is the entry point into the series, and from the start it sets the tone of the whole thirteen book franchise. We are brought into the world of the Baudelaire orphans: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny. Each one of the children are experts in their fields; Violet is a mechanical and engineering prodigy, Klaus is an avid reader who remembers everything that he reads, and Sunny has very sharp teeth that could bite into anything.  These three tropes Handler uses are practical in their descriptions and gives an excellent canvas for growth in later novels. One important trope to mention in the books’ execution is the way Handler, portraying as Snicket, brings the tone of the books in a melancholy perspective of journalism and storytelling. He even states on the back of the book, “It is my sad duty to write down these unpleasant tales, but there is nothing stopping you from putting this book down at once and reading something happy, if you prefer that sort of thing.” 

What you will expect out of these stories is a recurring theme of obliviousness in the adults, no matter how well intentioned or poorly mannered they are. Mr. Poe, the Beaudelaire’s handler of their parent’s fortune and for Orphan Affairs at Multuary Money Management, is the embodiment of this philosophy. Handler plays around with the adults and gives them proper motivations and characteristics that make all of them memorable. In the first book of the series, we are introduced to the three major adults, as well as accomplices, of the book; Mr. Poe, Justice Strauss, and the bane of the Baudelaire’s and main antagonist, Count Olaf. I will say one thing about Count Olaf at his most basic form, without the disguises or the manipulation of adults in the time the Baudelaire’s lived with him; he is the embodiment of a perfect children’s villain. From the cover art and inserts by Brett Helquist to illustrate the dark aesthetic that the books sustain in its varying locales, the only steady attribute of Count Olaf’s treacherous and vile character. At his core, he is vile, greedy, demanding, and even bad smelling. There would be no Series of Unfortunate Events without the recurring schemes and creative use of horrific deception that he concocts, along with his accomplices. When we’re introduced to him in the Bad Beginning, the reader already despises and feels uncomfortable as Handler describes the state of his house, the tower, and the disgusting accommodations he provides instead of a healthy and safe home for three children- I am calling the Orphans ‘children’ because that’s what the adults call them- and makes them do tedious and horrifically boring chores while he openly talks about taking their fortune and using it for himself. 

I have already said my piece on Mr. Poe- a character who I still despise as much as I enjoy a bowl of buttered popcorn; very much and with ferocity- but in the case of Justice Strauss, I find her to be the guardian who could have been. She’s a pleasant character and for the life of me I would ask why she would be next door neighbors to a vile villain such as Count Olaf, but at the same time, I believe it to be an excellent juxtaposition that Handler uses. Strauss and Olaf work just as well as representations of the whole series; there are good moments to oppose the reality of what the story is at its core. Take for example, the part when Olaf orders the Beaudelaires to cook dinner for him and his troupe. Instead of keeping a whole chapter of them wallowing in pity, Justice Strauss comes and helps them pick an easy dish for dinner; pasta puttenesca. The descriptions of the trip to the market and the shared explanation and sympathy from Justice Strauss makes the reader feel more comfortable and gives them a break from the main story, only to have them thrusted back into the terrible story- the word terrible is being used to describe the horror on one’s face when they continue to read the events in Count Olaf’s home and not to describe the way the book is written. 

There is only one point where the good and bad mix- Count Olaf and Justice Strauss- and that is when Olaf recruits her as an unaware accomplice in his scheme to marry Violet for the Beaudelaire fortune. This is another common theme that the series delves into; good and intelligent people can do bad things if the phrasing is done right by bad and intelligent people, even if the good did have good intentions. In this case, Justice Strauss wanted to be on stage ever since she was a little girl, and Olaf took advantage of that to make the illusion of “Al Funcoot’s, The Marvelous Marriage,” into a legally binding marriage through Olaf’s interpretation of in loco parentis. But, only through the only plot hole in this book did this not come to fruition- writing with someone’s not dominant hand equals it’s not legal? What? 

Regardless, the first book of the series upon release in 1999, was a perfectly created story for children who were tired of reading stories that were cheerful and had a happy ending. In my personal words, it was about time to read a story that played with darker undertones, not to terrify its readers but to grip them. The inclusion of various single words with definitions, the engaging scenarios, and villains that people can identify immediately without having to go through many pages to realize that they are the bad guy makes The Bad Beginning a deeply disturbing yet equally thrilling middle childhood book for any child with a high enough reading level to understand and be enthralled by.

The Bad Beginning, a Series of Unfortunate Events: Book the First, by Lemony Snicket: 4/5 

[acertaincritic]

The Last Jedi - Opinion

To say that I have mixed feelings about this movie would be a serious understatement. I have a chaos in my head, a tangle of let-down hopes, pleasant surprises, and above all else, my inner critic’s ramblings. One thing I can say for sure – it’s better than “The Force Awakens”. But I guess it doesn’t tell you much, eh? Well, let’s try and unpack this mess, shall we?

Heavy spoilers under the cut.

But I mean it.

I. Do. Not. Hold. Back.

Where do we start when all the words fail us? How do we begin to describe the infinity? Eh, I don’t know. But for this movie, let’s start with all the good things, and then dive right into the bad stuff. Pretty much like “The Last Jedi” does.

So… Characters. I was surprised to find that I actually came to like Finn in this movie. He’s proactive, he’s heroic, he’s got motivation – a solid character now, that guy. Rose I liked too, and Poe, and of course good ol’ Leia. Luke was outstanding, and even more so Kylo Ren. Almost every character (see who’s missing?) got better by miles; I was sincerely afraid for some of them, and sad to see others go. Whoever was the screenwriter, they’re definitely praiseworthy.

Next. Special effects, camera work, music… But I don’t really have to list these, do I? What else do we expect from a high-budget Disney movie these days? Scene writing – and directing – was pretty good too. An example: we pick up with Rey just where she ended in the last movie: offering Anakin’s lightsaber to Luke on a forgotten island… He takes it, and then throws it away like nothing – brilliant! That’s the last thing the viewer expects, but at the very same, it aligns very well with Jedi’s ideal of not getting attached to things. To Luke, a Jedi Master, this lightsaber means nothing. It’s a little twist, but a twist that makes sense.

There’s plenty of other fun moments too. Luke teaching Rey the first lesson about the Force? With a blade of grass? I cracked a smile then, and at many other occasions too. Unfortunately, at some point creators seem to have got lost in the form, and stopped caring about the substance – more on that in a second.

Kylo-Rey talks. I loved it. Even more I loved the way Luke-Kylo past was revealed, complete with the little tweaks. When Luke first gives his lie about how he just went to Kylo to talk, this is what we see on screen – a memory he wants to remember. When it’s Kylo’s turn, we see Luke from his POV – a mad killer ready to strike. When we finally get to know the truth, we can see how both the versions came to be, and the whole picture makes an awful lot of sense.

Kylo and Rey vs Snoke. There are problems with this scene, undoubtedly, but overall I would be willing to forget them if not for what followed. Before that, though – the way Kylo killed Snoke was just perfect. I was holding my fingers crossed the entire sequence, and was not let down. Just. Why couldn’t the movie end right then and there?

That would be this. All the pleasant surprises listed above. Should I let my inner critic speak now? And heck, he has a lot to say…

Troublesome worldbuilding and inconsistencies

This is something that I care the least for, when compared to the other stuff, but it’s still a huge problem. See, there are things in this movie that just don’t make sense, or render the past actions laughable. The most obvious thing – destroying a super big imperial ship by jumping into hyperspace for a split of second, then dropping out of it. And I ask – if that’s possible, why didn’t we see any other character do it? Where’re the hyper-drive based missiles, why didn’t the Rebellion use this trick anytime before? Judging by the scale of destruction, they could’ve easily destroyed a Death Star with it – no need for a suicidal mission for a few dozens of pilots, let’s just send a single kamikaze. Bah, if a human can do it, then all the more a droid or a well-programmed computer. We see the ball take control of an imperial walker after all, why can’t it steer a ship as well? No need for anyone to die, let’s just keep building droids and ships with hyper-drive… Oh no, actually, the Empire can do it as well! Look how funny the battle scenes look now – like two fleets of comets raining against each other. Well.

Time flow is another serious problem. We know that the plot is supposed to take 18 hours – and yet Rey manages not only to spend at least a day on Luke’s planet (it feels like much longer), but also to return to the Rebellion in time for her facedown with Snoke and Kylo. What happened? Previously, even travelling by hyperspace took long hours; now it functions like teleportation.

There’re many other problems like this, and I’m sure you’ll find science nerds to list ‘em all. I’ll stop at this – I believe you see the point. And, like I said, this is the least of the problems.

The Force and its philosophy

Long story short, the Force is pretty much omnipotent right now. The sky is the limit! No, wait, actually, the sky is but a little obstacle… After all, Luke’s got no problems fighting Kylo through the Force when he’s in some faraway point of the galaxy. The creators were careful enough not to show us any actual map, but even assuming that they were barely a system away, these are still light years apart. Even in the Prequel Trilogy, for all its flashy somersaults and prophetic dreams, Force Users were not wizards. They could fall to the fire of a few blasters, and they weren’t able to do much against a full unit of fighters. But here? Who cares! Everything can be done, starting with reading one’s entire mind, finishing at surviving in the vacuum for long minutes and even levitating to safety. Basically Jedi are the new Superman of the galaxy, ugh.

Don’t get me wrong. I like magic, and I like the concept of the Force as something more mystical than just ‘microorganisms living in one’s body’. Previously I was often irritated that the characters don’t use it as often as they could, or that they do something outstanding one moment to forget about it twenty minutes later. But here? Here the creators went over the top, then climbed up the Mount Everest, and then decided that they’re still too low. The perfect balance of Force abilities I found in “The Rebels” seasons one and two – here it’s completely broken.

Speaking about the balance… the philosophy is a problem as well. It’s clearly established that the balance of the Force means both the Dark Side and the Light Side. That when there’s great light, there’s also great darkness. The problem is, it doesn’t make sense. If that was the balance, then what about the Chosen One? Why would Jedi wait for him, knowing that he would have to destroy them? Bah, is there any sense fighting for the Light then? We know for sure that the evil will only rise again, because ~balance~. What kind of message is that?

See, previously, the balance of the Force was the Light Side. The Jedi’s philosophy was to surrender to the will of the Force, to preserve harmony. The Dark Side, on the other hand, was extracting your will over the Force. Literally forcing events to go your way. This was why Jedi had various colors of lightsabers, and the Sith only red. This was why Sith’s eyes would change color – to reflect that what they were doing wasn’t natural. Bah, eventually their bodies would rot and turn ugly, distorted. The Light Side Users didn’t suffer that.

Now it’s all over the place. And it doesn’t make sense. Honestly, I never found the idea of surrendering to an outside will compelling, but at least it was consisted and provided a great explanation as to why the Sith are evil, and the Jedi good. Sure, you can say that the Jedi Order eventually rotted and let Darth Sidious rise – but it was because of their complacency and tendency to choose meddling in the politics over guarding the galaxy, not because something was inherently wrong with their philosophy. Now it’s because it was necessary for the balance, apparently.

Structure problems

Putting the clumsy worldbuilding aside, the first two-thirds of the movie are really great. The characters get development. We learn about what happened between Luke and Kylo. Kylo and Rey are having their strange conversations, really enjoyable to watch and adding depth to both of them. Then their showdown with Snoke – and what a twist, Kylo kills his evil master in a clever moment of badassery. And the fight! And Finn and Rose get captured! And the rebel ships are being destroyed one by one! But eventually Kylo and Rey win – what a great finale!

Just that… it’s not the finale yet. There’s another twist – Kylo’s not good after all, he killed his master only to take his place! And the imperial ship got cut in half by a kamikaze attack, so Finn and Rose have to run away ASAP! And the rebels reach their old base, hurray! What a great fina–

No, wait! The baze is now under attack by Kylo! And nobody responds to the rebels’ call for help, and they’re trapped inside, they have to destroy the big-ass cannon that the imperials have brought, and Finn is ready to commit suicide to do so, what a great f–

But wait! Finn is saved by Rose, and Luke suddenly comes for the rescue, now he’s facing against Kylo, and–

Do you see it? There’s no finale in this movie. There’re a good few sequences that would work very well as the finale, if they stood alone. But they don’t – they come one by one, with little to no break in between. The first one’s great, the second a surprise, but the third is tiresome, and the fourth straight-out irritating. You just can’t hold your viewer on the edge for so long – they want a conclusion, not an endless cycle of ‘they almost made it but...’ And I must say, the twists are very cheap too. No foreshadowing whatsoever, no satisfaction when they happen – all save the Snoke scene. Why the creators didn’t decide to go through with what the story was clearly building up to is beyond me. It was perfect, it was interesting, it was against the tropes – and yet they turned around in the last moment. It’s like an overly elaborate matryoshka doll. You unpack a layer after a layer, at first interested but then progressively more annoyed, hoping to finally find the last, whole doll – but in the end there’s nothing inside, just empty air.

Seriously, I felt like the creators were jumping at me from behind the corner, crying, ‘Surprise!’, in their childish belief thinking that they are being clever. But you can laugh at a cheap trick like this once, twice, maybe even thrice – then you’ll find that you’ve had enough. You don’t want every corner to be a playground for the insistent kid. Pulling things out of your ass is not a plot twist.

Just too many unfulfilled promises. After this crazy ride, we ended up just where we started, with a very cliche ending. I can’t even express how massively disappointed I am.

Rey

When I was a child, I dreamt of a female Jedi, you know? I imagined countless little stories of kinda-my-insert training, and eagerly pinpointed female Jedi among the fallen ones in the “Revenge of the Sith” to prove to myself that it was possible.

Nevertheless, Rey is by far the worst Star Wars lead I have ever seen.

She’s nothing. She has no character at all. No writing, no backstory, no motivation to be a hero. Luke wanted to be a Jedi because he wanted to be like his father – and then he had to grow and mature when he discovered his father’s true identity. Rey doesn’t grow, doesn’t mature. You can’t grow something that is nonexistent in the first place.

Why did Rey help Finn and the rebels in “The Force Awakens”? Even Rose has her reasons – she gives us a story of how Empire destroyed her home planet. But what did Empire do to Rey? Nothing. It was her parents who left her on Jakku as a slave. Sure, she wanted to be free, have adventures, just like Luke. But she didn’t have to join rebellion for that. She could’ve just left them once she got off Jakku, become a smuggler, bah, an imperial officer even. Why not?

To Luke, Empire was what killed his father. He wanted revenge, in some extent, I’m certain. Sure, that conviction turned out to be false – but he didn’t know about it when he left Tatooine with Obi-Wan and Han Solo. Rey doesn’t have a motivation. There’s just this weak ‘because everybody can see that Empire is EVUIL, mwhahaha.’ But really, this is a meta reason and as such, should not be considered at all. We as the audience can see it – Rey cannot.

Worse, even. In the second movie, Luke had to face his own Dark Side. First in the cave, where he failed, then in the form of Darth Vader who turned out to be his father – the man Luke had strived to imitate. He thought that it meant becoming a hero, just to discover that he was so, oh so wrong. But at this point he had grown close with the rebellion, with Leia and Han. He had other reasons to fight.

Rey didn’t change in this movie. What was the point of her cave scene? She went in there, saw some funny vision, and went out. No shock, nothing learned. ‘But, Critic,’ you may say, ‘she had an arc this time – she wanted to find out who her parents are!’

No. Just no. Yes, it was mentioned several times, but it was also 100% superficial. It was as if the creators realized that hey, our protagonist is completely bland, we need to give her something – and decided that of course, searching for her parents would be the right thing. Luke had something similar, right? The problem is, this searching in no way reflects in Rey’s actions.

Had it really been an integral part of Rey’s character, she would have taken Kylo’s hand.

Why not? She supposedly struggled to accept the truth that her parents were nobody, that they sold her and then died somewhere away, that they didn’t want her – and here’s the guy that does want her, that begs her to join him. Why shouldn’t she take his offer? From what she knew, Luke abandoned his mission and preferred staying on his tiny island to saving the galaxy. Why shouldn’t she join Kylo, who had just saved her from Snoke, with whom she had faced against multiple opponents?

There’s only one reason – because it’s not what heroes do. But Rey has no reason to be a hero! Bah, she didn’t even need to learn from anybody, she was a perfect good girl from the start. She’s the one lecturing Luke about his duties, not the other way round. Even Yoda states that she already knows what it means to be a Jedi. How? Why? How dare you ask! She’s super powerful because, uhm, ah… I know! Because balance! Because when Dark Kylo grows stronger, then so does Rey, because she’s his counterpart in the Light.

Don’t you find it ironic? The creators pretty much admitted that Kylo was the one who did all the heavy lifting. Rey’s power isn’t something she achieved – she was given it by the Force for the sake of ill-understood balance, because Kylo worked hard to grow more powerful.

Blah. And the creators probably congratulate themselves on writing a strong female lead. How condescending can you get? I want a female Jedi as the lead – but I want a female Jedi who is a character, not a mere plot device with a ‘woman’ slapped on the back as her only characteristic. I’ll eagerly wait for one – right now, I can only turn to “Clone Wars” and Ahsoka.

That would be all. I’m pretty sure that I missed plenty of things – but I feel fulfilled nonetheless. Thank you for reading so far, and may the Salt be with you. Always.

[sublimegentlemanalpaca]

That 10 Character thing.

RULES: List 10 of your favorite Characters (I’ll be doing the Male one, although I’ll soon do the Female one) from 10 fandoms (no particular order), and then tag 10 people. I was tagged by Feadae (thanks friend. This was something to think on). 1). Charles Williams from Chronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica. This was so damn difficult, let me tell you! I’m sure any Scowler can relate to the difficulty of choosing just one male character from CotIG. There’s the three Inkling Caretakers, the Badgers, the Caretakers Emeritus (mostly Poe) to choose from. That said, I had to go with Charles “Good Charlie” Williams. He’s great, Master of Espionage that he is, greatest among editors, and can rock purple hair like no body else. Not to mention I eventually read some wonderful books as a result of discovering his existence in this series. Now on to the rest... 2). Isekander/Rider, from Fate Zero. aka Alexander the Great. Isekander is just plain awesome. Perhaps the most likable character in the show (not too difficult considering some, but still). Badass, funny, and rather kind and supportive at times. Just plain amazing. 3). Carter Kane from the Kane Chronicles by Rick Riordan. I’m not sure why I prefer Carter over Riordan’s other protagonists. It might be because he’s such a lovable and adorkable nerd at times. That might be it. Really the Kane Chronicles deserve more love. 4). Feste from Twelfth Night or What you Will by William “builder of Pyramids and Bridges, and Someone Should be Flogged ” Shakespeare. Really Feste is the best of Shakespeare’s later sort of Sot. The Arminian breed of Fool (those originally written for and performed by Actor and Scholar of Foolery and Folly Robert Armin), as oposed to the Kempian stock (Those performed by Will Kemp). Not that there’s anything wrong with the earlier sort. I mean Falstaff is in their company and he’s great. In fact I was this close to putting Falstaff in Feste’s Place. So why go with Feste? Because this Corrupter of Words was my introduction to Shakespeare’s Fools (the Arminian ones at least) and I love him for that. His songs are great, his banter beautiful, and his quotes....are so damn quotable. Falstaff is great but Feste beats him by ‘that’ much. 5). Kraft Lawrence from Spice and Wolf. I had to include someone from my favorite anime so I might as well pick the male lead. A skilled merchant, the dude is Clever. Funny, witty (he can match wits with Holo the Wise Wolf, so he’s got that going for him), resourceful, adaptable and over all a great guy. Even if he can get a bit greedy and sulk more than he should. Also, being voiced by J. Michael Tatum (in the English dub at least) is good to. 6). Okabe Rintaro. (Aka Hooin Kyoma) from Stein’s Gate. A self proclaimed mad scientist who manages to discover Time Travel on accident. A bit of a full of himself prick at times, the dude is Intentionally and knowingly over the top in the best of ways. Prone to dramatics, with quite an air of sophistication about him. Also funny, likable, and an amazing, loyal, and devoted friend. Also, voiced by J. Michael Tatum( almost always a plus). If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend you do so. 7). The Walker, from the Chronicles of Ancient Darkness by Michele Paver. I’m not sure what is about this crazy, one eyed wanderer of the Forest that I enjoy so much, and yet he’s my favorite male character in the series (Sorry Torak, Bale, Fin Kedin). 8). Death, from the Discworld series by the late Great Sir Terry Pratchett. The Death of Discworld is perhaps the best depiction of Death I have come across in fiction. He is a Kind Death, a carring and sometimes sympathetic sort of Death. He has a fascination with humanity, but it is a genuine sense of intrigue and want to know more (usually) not some bullshit malevolent sort of ‘fascination’ which is at times over played in fiction (although still done well) also a provider of many great quotes. Also, since it’s the Holiday season, I highly recommend reading and or watching (preferably both) Pratchett’s Hogfather. It’s one of his best, with some great words regarding the idea of belief (See Belief according to Death if you get the chance. But still read the book and watch the Mini series). Mind you some things might need explanation, like Susan or Albert, but those explanations are easily found if you look for them. 9). Alan Foggarty from the Faerie Wars Chronicles by Herbie Brennan. I’m not sure if I’m in the FWC fandom. To be honest, I’m not sure if there is one. If there is, it’s smaller than the Gatherum. None the less Alan Foggarty is great. The old man who might be a tad crazy ( one for conspiracy theories), but he’s intelligent, kind(usually), and a surgoate grandfather sort of figure to Henry (one of the protagonists). Brings a shot gun with him while traveling to another dimension so he’s resourceful to a degree. Although, perhaps my favorite thing about him is a scene between him and Henry in the fourth book (The Faerie Lord). He’s talking with Henry about Butterflies, a bit out of it, but trying to get his point across. His point being, in a universe with multi dimensional travel, Faeries, Smoke bombs that make people lose their memory, Time Stopping Glass Flowers, and not to mention Demons, that the simple yet complex process of a Caterpillar becoming a Butterfly is ‘True’ Magic. That’s just stuck with me, and Mister Foggarty is a favorite for that speech and much more. 10). Oh darn, who do I pick for this last spot? Ah! Wait, but which one. Will or Halt? Will? Or Halt? Gah! Will. This was very difficult let me tell you. Will Treaty, from the Ranger’s Apprentice series, by John Flanagan. Resourceful, Awesome, becomes an excellent strategist with quite a few awesome plans under his belt and st such a relatively young age. Badass and Funny besides being intelligent and quick minded (a trait which leads to quite an amusing nickname later on). Simply great. By the way, if you haven’t read the Ranger’s Apprentice series, I’d recommend you do so. A bit long (12 books, with a spin off and a prequel series), but worth it. I’d really recommend it to fellow Scowlers. While it doesn’t really share a similar premise at all, it has that delightful sense of adventure about it. Considered YA but that really shouldn’t be a deterrent or some such( I’m pretty sure deterrent is the write word). Now for tagging people. I don’t really know how to tag people (on mobile) but I’ll at least list people. @sockdologer @space-nerd @anyawen @onedragontorulethemall @bliss-delight-jr. @zuchinigal @teabooksandsweets @nikolatesla-go @deadgiraffesdonthavesex @a-fangirl-in-too-many-fandoms Have fun, and make of this what you will. Al, the Chronographing Cottager.