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peeterparkr · 5 years ago

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perennial;tom holland|eleven.

chapter eleven: snapdragons & sunflowers (Vol. 1)

↳ flower meaning: snapdragons: deception. sunflowers: unconditional love.

chapter summary: to ask for a kiss.

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: fluff, angst, comedy, all in one, mentions or allusion to sex but not smut :), you’ll see, alcohol.

You’ll hate me.

word count: 11.2K

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles

ten (Instagram): in which they share set pictures

ten (tweets & texts:in which the groupchats are…loud

previous chapter next chapter perennial masterlist.

perfidy ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

So, please help me out I think tags aren’t working. So yes, hope you enjoy this :)

Y/N was made of the people she loved or once loved. Everyone is, really, but y/n probably made sure it showed.

Like her habit for photography had come from her very own best friend, of the way she started watching cooking videos because of her other best friend and always read the ingredients on any of the food she ate. Her clothing style had come from her very own first boyfriend who had introduced her to the magnificent world of the 80’s.

Her love for 80’s movies had come from Louis introducing her every night to a different one, a new story, a new song, and honestly it was good he showed her to it, y/n found her one true love. Louis, really, had shown y/n a lot of things, like how to lie to see him at indecent hours, and how And how Louis taught her that love doesn’t have to last and that sometimes people aren’t what we expect.

How she loved pancakes because that’s what her mother used to make them every Sunday, and how she’d learned from her father that sometimes sitting outside in the grass on a sunny day could bring back happiness to us.

How her grandma had taught her how to have a perfect poker face, and how her grandfather had shown her how to peel an orange in a ‘correct way’.

How she had started to drink her tea with lemon and honey because James had once given her one like that and it brought nice memories. And how James had told her that it’s okay to love, even when people tell you not to, you have to fight for your love, you shall never be afraid of who you love. And James teaching her that she should love for herself, for her own, and not having to share her feelings if she didn’t want to.

How y/n had started to watch subtitled films because Timmy had shown her some hidden gems. Or how she had learned from Tim to enjoy little moments, like the sunrise if she ever had to wake up early, or how she opened the windows to listen to the rain splattering. Tim had taught her too much about life, like enjoying wasting time.

Y/N was made, the most, of the people she loved the most. Like how she made pasta the way James had taught her to once when their parents had gone out and James was left in charge.

Or how when she was sad she’d watch that movie her childhood friend had introduced her to, and how they didn’t talk now. How y/n had learned that music was a way of healing because of that same friend.

Or how to make a story sound great with Harry, and how Harry had shown her songs that probably were her favorite ones. How Harry and her knew that they didn’t like tequila because of that one time, and how they had learned that mixing cranberry, and grape juice and vodka tasted great thanks to Sam’s idea.

The way that Emma had taught her to use certain hair products, and how Emma had taught her that sometimes we have to sing out our feelings, and scream and shout. How Emma had taught her the importance of a friendship and having someone’s shoulder to cry on. That she didn’t have to be lonely.

How when she kissed she usually liked to place her hands behind their neck because she’d done that on her very first kiss with Tom, or how she usually ate some of the chocolate chips when she baked cookies because Tom and her used to do that. She had learned how to wrestle from a very young age and beat Tom, and she had learned how to play with his hair in a way to make him smile. She had learned the meaning of a rose, when all her life she had never understood about it, Tom had shown her how to approach a dog, and Tom had taught her how to cuff her jeans in a cool way. Or the habit she’d picked from him of undressing the beer bottle when they were talking or how he opened it with the table. How Tom had taught her how to kiss, from their very first one to the last one, different kisses each time, how he’d taught her each and every kiss is a journey, a mystery. How she’d learned how to deal with heartbreaks and to fall in love all over again. And how she had learned that he’d come back to her. But really, how a heartbreak feels when it’s real.

That’s who y/n was. All the beautiful things of the people she loved.

But she was also the bad ones, unfortunately, because people shape us. Y/N was also made of the ugly parts, very ugly parts.

One that stood out the most, she’d learned from Tom, from James, from her family, was to avoid talking.

Everybody wanted to talk, everybody except y/n. She knew she was being immature, but she’d learned that from everyone around her, not to care if you don’t have to. But she was too overwhelmed, everyone had something to say about, except her. How could she talk if she didn’t know what she wanted?

Tom, Harry, Emma, Tim, James, Sam, Cherry, Aunt Eliza, even Josh and Clark.

Everybody wanted to talk. She didn’t.

She had caught on to what Tom was doing. She'd go along with it, he was the only one she wanted to talk to, honestly.

And Emma, because she knew Emma didn’t judge her, Emma understood y/n, and Emma had been the only one who really didn’t tell her she was wrong. Even if Tim was her best friend, Ema understood that y/n’s heart belonged to Tom.

“Clark is great, I may have fallen in love with him,” Emma had stated.

Y/N nodded. “He’s great, I—“

“Why didn’t you know?” Emma asked.

“I did know. But I didn’t—James was—you know how I’ve only dated three guys?” Y/n asked, she was putting on makeup, she had a date.

“Yeah.”

“James is exactly the opposite, he’s dated like half the gay population his age in London,” y/n scrunched her nose, as she was choosing between lipsticks.. “So I just—Never paid attention to any guy he dated because I never thought it was serious.”

“Are you talking to him now?”

“I did today, only because of Clark,” y/n admitted, giving up on the lipsticks and instead choosing to work on her hair. “James is still angry I am in love.”

“Not angry at that, you know that,” Emma pointed out.

“Is it that wrong I am so in love with Tom?” Y/n left the brush on the table as she turned to look at Emma.

“It’s completely bollocks y/n, but then again,” Emma sighed, “I wish I could be more like you and just love—I mean and I also wish Harry wasn’t so scared okay? He’s just so bloody scared, I wish he’d just say hey, Emma, d’ya fancy to go for a stroll? But no, we are both so… Gosh, I wish we were more like you and Tom, throwing everything down the drain.”

“We are-”

“You are, y/n,” Emma rolled her eyes. “He blows your mind and you basically want to yell it to the world, and he gets you all stupid, and you’re happy again, that’s alright, though-”

Emma was laying down on y/n’s bed, her feet up against the wall, as she was nibbling on a popsicle.

“Yes, I know, we have to talk,” she sighed.

“Who says it has to be right now?” Emma had said. “Right now you barely have time to think, and I see you all happy and giggling, and besides, talking doesn’t have to be dramatic.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just… I don’t get it why James wants it to be dramatic, it’s just hey, you guys love each other, what else is there to know?”

Y/N nodded, turning back to the lipsticks.

“You do have to tell him you know about Cherry, though, which-”

“Yeah, n, no, but I get it,” y/n sighed.

“Which, I love you’re ignoring, just pretending like she doesn’t exist, ” Emma laughed. “She just arrived yesterday, didn’t she?”

“She did,” Y/N sighed. “Ugh, I don’t want to see her and she wants to talk, what does she want to talk about? We’ve never cared about each other before, met her like three times growing up because my mum and hers didn’t get along, which by the way, I’m scared James and I are headed in that same direction.”

“You won’t,” Emma said. “James loves you too much to ever leave you.”

“You never know,” y/n said. “Besides that’s not my point, my point is why does she want to talk? We have nothing in common!”

“Dunno, you’re blood related and you both rode the same dick, seems like you’ve got a lot in common.”

Y/n closed her eyes as she forced a laugh, “Emma!”

“I’m just saying, y/n, that’s why you and I became close, we’ve both kissed the same two guys.”

“It’s different,” Y/N scoffed. “I—just don’t want to see her okay? Because I know I’ll be reminded of every single insecurity I have,” she admitted. “Because I know that the moment I see her I’ll get just so anxious, you know? She’s so pretty, and she’s so perfect and from what-”

“From what I’ve gathered from Eliza, she’s also a mess,” Emma added.

“That’s an issue, that’s Tom’s type, just look at me,” y/n laughed as she stared at a bright red lipstick.

Emma scoffed. “Oh, hadn’t thought about that, Tom’s into messy girls with your genes.”

“It’s so fucked up, though,” y/n said, as she looked up at the wall, she needed to change the flowers, they were drying out. She hadn’t changed them in a while.

Emma shrugged, “considering how small his brain is, he probably thought it would feel the same way if he closed his eyes.”

“As if it would,” y/n replied cockily, finally choosing a light pink, changing it up a bit, she’d always used bright red lipsticks with Tom, “I’ve known him his whole life, and now I’ve—“she cleared her throat. “ I know exactly how to work him up.”

Emma let out a loud and long laugh. “I can tell, Jesus, what did you do to him to have him oh, so mesmerized? Are you a sex goddess or why are those two men so bloody entranced by you?”

Y/N blushed and shook her head laughing. “You’re an idiot.”

“How do you really feel?” Emma wondered, getting the conversation back as serious as it was supposed to be.

“I don’t know,” Y/N admitted, she was still on some pair of pjs. “I… I’ve been talking with Tom, or…” She rolled her eyes. “He’s found a way to talk, and I think it’s worked out for both of us.”

“Oh, what is it?” Emma sighed.

Y/n walked over to her closet, it felt so weird to choose something to wear, Tom had warned her to be casual, something her style, something very her.

“We use the script so we can… I guess we’re projecting it all, and well, I think he’s been understanding about it, and I think I’m starting to understand his point of view, about Tim at least.”

“Please, I don’t need to listen to him to know why he feels that way,” Emma pointed out.

“Really?” Y/n turned back to Emma as she was choosing between them.

“I like the red one,” Emma suggested. “But please, y/n,” Emma scoffed. “Timmy was the one who stole his chance, Timmy was the one who got the girl when he had fucked up and everyone around Tom said it, we’ve all said it at some point, Tim is perfect for you.”

“But—“

“and besides, Timmy was the one-”

“The one who opened the door when Tom came to apologize,” y/n finished Emma’s sentence as she sat down hugging the red dress Emma had suggested.

Emma frowned. “What?”

“Guess Timmy had secrets, too,” y/n said.

Emma seemed confused.

“He never told me about it, how Tom had come a second time, and…” She sighed. “I mean I guess I’m thankful he didn’t but I’m… I’m only wondering—“

“Oh, back when you first started dating,” Emma recalled. “He did tell me about it, and I.. was the one to advise him not to tell you.”

Y/N gulped.

“Would you have run back to Tom?” Emma wondered, embarrassed. “Honestly I told him not to because—Well, I had asked Harry about it, you know? Harry had said you hated each other and that you had been avoiding Tom for a while now. That you were enemies.”

“We were.”

“And I mean—Back then, you really hated him.”

Y/n nodded. “Yeah, I did.”

“So I told Tim not to tell you about it, because I thought—I didn’t know the background but I thought Tom was going to—hurt you, you know? And I guess, we all did, and we all kept that mentality even when he wasn’t trying to.”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, I’ve never thought about that,” Emma nodded. “Even when I knew you were dating back in New York, we were just waiting for it, for Tom to—“

“Yeah, for Tom to pull a Tom,” y/n ended the sentence. “And I mean—He kind of did, but it was my fault.”

“Tom really sabotages himself, it seems.”

Y/N reached out to hug her frog, she was thankful James had brought it, “he does, but because he’s expected to, you know? Maybe that’s why— I haven’t brought it up because I’m not—I’m not expecting the heartbreak this time, and I know bringing up the whole Cherry thing is looking for it,” y/n explained. “I trust him this time, and he really wants to make it work out.”

“Would you have gone back to him? Had Tim told you he had showed up?” Emma questioned.

Y/N breathed in heavily. “Dunno,” she said. “I was so heartbroken back then, I thought— and I had promised myself back then I would never fall back for him, and… I mean, I had even thought I would never love again because that’s how dramatic it was, I really didn’t want to see him, that heartbreak is what led to all this mess, you know?” She explained. “Now Tom knows that, I think he really understands it, and he feels guilty and I mean, I was angry when Tom told me about it, because… Tim, well he didn’t know back then, he just was too sure that Tom loved me but—After learning all of this? Tim should’ve told me, because just now, learning it, I guess it changed a lot of things, not that it erased anything, but I lived all this time thinking he hadn’t… He really hadn’t cared, and it took him a lot of time, still, but he had tried to apologize again, and Tim keeping it to himself knowing that what broke me the most was that Tom had never shown up? Tim keeping it to himself is just—so selfish.”

Emma bit her lip. “He’s still in love with you.”

Y/N remained quiet.

“I mean, you can’t blame him,” Emma said. “You guys were… I mean before Tom, you really seemed to be hitting it off, I thought you’d end up dating again.”

“I did, too, at some point,” y/n admitted. “But-”

“But you love Tom, I know,” Emma shrugged. “No but… Y/N you also, have to acknowledge it, you can’t keep playing with Tim which-before you say anything, I mean it’s also on him, he knew it, but then again, I… I believed it at some point y/n, that you were going to get back together with him because… The way you looked at him just… and it was just—”

“I know, I know and I thought… I don’t know, okay?” y/n admitted as she sat up. “I… It’s cause I never… I had closure with Tim, alright? I gave him the ring back because I thought, I know it, I want Tom, okay? It’s Tom, yes, it’s Tom.”

“But?”

Y/n sighed, “Timmy—alright as I said before, I had said I would never love again after the whole Rome thing,” she cleared up. “And then Tim came along and just showed me this beautiful life and taught me how to love again, and I—He became a very special part of me.”

“Yeah, and? That doesn’t explain your flirting.”

“I didn’t—flirt.”

“Well you answered to his flirting,” Emma pointed out.

“We were—“

“You guys were flirting y/n!” Emma replied quickly, slightly stressed. “You guys don’t flirt like everyone else! Your flirting style with each other was by showing each other songs and him watering your plants, y/n! You were basically having sex with each other,” Emma rolled her eyes.

Y/N stayed quiet.

“But I know, Tom, Tom—“

Y/n gulped. “Yeah, Tom.”

Emma watched y/n, confused. “Why are you acting like it’s the last time?”

“What?”

“Like it’s your last chance with Tom.”

“I...don’t know, because what if it is, you know? It’s… stupid, we’ve had plenty of chances and… Last time, I just… Had I known it would lead to that. I know it’s my fault, and like we’ve both blown it up so it’s—“

“Neither one of you will fuck up.”

“I know—But Tom… We are trying and I’m happy but I feel-”

“Y/N you are pretending, I know, you won’t be happy until you talk about it with him.”

She sighed. “I know, and we’ve been talking and I…” She coughed. “I really want to try it out.”

“But…?”

“Am I allowed to forgive something like that? Am I even allowed to get angry about Cherry?”

Emma sat up as well. “Y/N, had he slept with anyone else I wouldn’t be so sure but that’s your cousin, that’s fucked up and-”

“What if he finds out about Tim?”

Y/N grabbed the pillow that had once been under her head and proceeded to get it in her face and scream into it.

“Wait, I’m… I’m gonna try that,” Emma laughed, doing the same.

Both of them were screaming into the pillows, pitying their sorrows and problems.

Timmy had walked in.

“What the hell?” He asked.

Emma was the only one to peak her head out of it. “It’s therapeutic.”

Timothee had only chuckled. “I bet.”

Y/N had stopped screaming but kept the pillow over her face. She didn’t know how she felt about Tim, there was no point in being angry at something from the past, but it did change a lot of the way she saw him, maybe he had forgotten. But Tim was never one to forget, he was observant and he was quiet, and he was all about the stories.

“Um, y/n?” Tim said.

Emma watched Tim, and the small object he had in his hand. She shot him a warning glare, scared of the inside.

“Yeah?” y/n answered from her pillow which now had a nice stain of makeup on it.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked.

Another person wanting to talk, what was it with everybody wanting to say words and listening and whatever? Y/N thought to herself.

Though Timmy hadn’t asked for it yet, she knew it, but he hadn’t really said it, not the whole y/n we should talk.

She wanted to say no, but she knew that she couldn’t keep doing that. Counting the days until it finally had to blow up, and then end up with bruises, no, she didn’t have to do that.

She finally let the pillow down, “Yeah, sure,” she said before walking out of her room.

“Sure, leave Emma behind,” Emma pointed out.

“I… well,” Y/N looked at Tim.

“It’ll be quick, darling, Emma dear,” Tim assured her.

Emma rolled her eyes. “It never is with you both.”

Tim rolled his eyes before leading the way outside of the apartment, y/n frowned, asking him to wait up so she could put on her sneakers, still wearing her pj’s.

“So your birthday is tomorrow,” Tim had said as they had walked out, he had sat on the stairs.

She chuckled as she sat beside him. “Yeah.”

“You look really pretty,” Tim had said.

“These pj’s really accentuate my features huh,” y/n joked.

“Your makeup looks pretty and hair, idiot,” Tim chuckled.

She only gave him a sad smile.

“So, what are your plans?” He asked.

“For… tonight? I’ve got a date,” she explained.

“No, tomorrow.”

She shrugged. “Tom’s got some plans, apparently, he hasn’t told me anything about it, honestly I don’t… I don’t want to…”

“What?”

“Do anything you know? I will be too tired after filming, and I… I just feel like… Dunno, James and Clark will be there and I don’t want to talk to James still, and apparently Cherry invited herself, too so… And you’ll be there, and Harry and Emma… and Josh, and I just... ” She chuckled. “I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“Why?”

“Dunno, seems like a perfect combination for disaster.”

“I met Cherry today,” he admitted. “Well, we’d met before but-Yeah, I thought you’d be at the flower shop. “And she was there, instead.”

Y/N scrunched her nose. “Yeah I know she’s there, that’s why I haven’t gone there,” she explained chuckling shyly.

“Why?”

“Because then I’ll start feeling insignificant, because let’s face it and don’t you dare say no, but she’s really… Pretty, like she’s everything a girl would want to be and I’m jealous of her,” she admitted, truthfully. “I’ve never been the jealous kind but with her, I feel like—Of course anyone would choose her over me, and don’t—Say anything okay? I just feel that way. And if I see her I’ll be reminded of the elephant in the room waiting to be addressed, and I… If the conversation about you went wrong I don’t want to know how that-”

“About me?”

“Yeah,” she looked down. “Dunno.”

Tim bit his lip.

“How did he-?”

“I don’t want to talk about that, Tim,” she quickly answered. “I can’t blame him for feeling the way he feels and that’s on me, too, I mean… I… really.”

“What?”

She looked down. “I— well, I don’t…know alright? If I feel anxious about Cherry I can only imagine how he feels about you, no, I can’t even imagine it, and look Tim, I—you know you’re very important to me but I’m… I’m dating… Or whatever is going on now, but It’s Tom right now, alright? And I know it’ll be for a long time.”

“I know.”

She looked at him, confused by his statement because it really didn’t feel like he knew it.. “And I don’t… want you to think there is an open door or-”

“Y/N, I know,” he said. “Yeah, I know it’s Tom, now.”

“But it’s not just—“

“I know,” Tim looked away. “I know.”

She looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“Just….” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s him, but that doesn’t… I mean, we’ve been friends, and I—I just ask you not to push me away, alright? I don’t know how I’d live without y/n in my world, and if having you around means having you with him, then I just have to deal with it, move on you know? And I know we are friends, so this is… This comes from your friend, Timmy.”

She smiled, just slightly, very timidly. It hurt, hurting him but of course, keeping him around meant jeopardizing her relationship with Tom, and she really didn’t want to give it more excuses.

“Timmy,” she sighed.

He smiled. “I’m serious, it’s alright, no… no resentment, alright? We both know we… I don’t…you know it, I’ll always love you, but we—I mean you—you love someone else and it’s be stupid of me not letting you love him, that is just pathetically selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it hurts like a bitch…. Yeah, I know it, but… I don’t want to lose you, I am not stupid… but I also… I know that if I give this to you tomorrow, Tom will lose it and I… don’t want that, so I’m giving you this, today.”

He pulled out a film canister. And it felt like one of those times when life likes to punch you with reality. She felt a fear deep inside her stomach. Last time he’d given her one of those an engagement ring was hidden in it.

“It’s… It’s not what you think,” Tim rolled his eyes. “Oh, you really thought I’d propose again?”

She let out a soft chuckle. “No--I… I mean,” I’m-I didn’t think you would-”

“Your face,” He chuckled softly. “Yeah, no, I… I’m…”

“Yeah, just last time you gave me one of those-”

“Yeah, and look where it led us, I’m not… I wouldn’t… No,” Timmy laughed. “No, it’s not… and—do you really think I’m the type of guy to propose on a bad time—-Actually don’t answer that,” he chuckled. “Okay, open it.”

She grinned, and took the film canister from him. “Man I hope it’s an iPad,” she joked, warning a laugh from Tim. “No, you—you shouldn’t have.”

She shook it just slightly, listening to no sound coming out from it, before finally opening, carefully. “A…there’s nothing?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Tim laughed. “I know.”

She frowned, confused but then chuckled. “I love it… I hope I… can get to wear it soon,” she joked.

“It couldn’t fit there, but I—Well, you know, we had that tradition, ,” he said before finally giving her the box that sat beside him.

She took the box and smiled, opening it, an old vintage Polaroid camera stood there.

“I know you’ve—I think it works, it’s—It’s an original, I've noticed you haven't really taken any Polaroids, and I know you love them,” he coughed. “So, yeah, happy birthday.”

Y/N had only looked up, giving him a true smile.

“Thank you, I love it!”

But of course, the timing could not have gone any worse. Tom had arrived. Y/N had momentarily forgotten she had agreed to spend the night with him, nothing too serious but Tom had insisted because he had a surprise for early in the morning and he’d come pick her up for dinner and then she’d stay with him.

Maybe she should’ve seen the trouble coming.

Tom cleared his throat loudly, “hello,” he said, standing with sunflowers. Yellow flowers with pretty meaning, y/n thought.

Y/n looked up, calmly, knowing that if he saw any hint of her freaking out it would blow it up because his mind would go places.

“Oh hi!” She grinned. “sorry—I’m not—“

Tom clenched his jaw at Tim, but then turned to y/n and chuckled, “Darling, when I said casual—I didn’t—“

She chuckled nervously standing up. “Sorry, I—“she squeezed her eyes shut. “I was discussing with Tim something about some pictures he’s planning on—yeah,” she lied, as she hid the film canister and box behind her back.

“Yeah,” Tim said, clearing his throat, standing up as well. “Hello, Thomas.”

“Tim.” Tom was nervous already, y/n could tell.

“Are those for me?” Y/n questioned staring at the flowers before they could say another word to each other.

Tom chuckled between his teeth, “yeah, they’re most certainly not for Tim.”

“Oh,” Tim said, “and here I was getting excited about them.”

Tom faked a very quiet laugh and then turned to y/n. “So? Don’t get me wrong, you literally look so beautiful—but—“ He smiled looking down at her clothing.

“Yeah—right!” She excused herself, not forgetting to kiss his cheek, before running back to her room, where Emma was waiting with the red dress and had pulled out some heels for her.

Emma walked out of the room, “hello, Tom, long time no see,” she said with sarcasm.

“I know, these couple hours have been long,” Tom joked back, as he had walked in.

Tim had followed after. It felt so tense, Emma could swear she could cut the tension with a knife.

Emma hummed a fake laugh. “There are flower vases over there, you can guess which ones are y/n’s now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna steal Tim from you just a bit, I hope you don’t miss him as much.”

Emma had dragged Tim to her own room.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Emma snapped.

“A lot of things,” Tim answered. “But let’s not go there, please.”

“Oh don’t play that with me, I know exactly what you’re doing, and Tim—“

“I’m not—“

“Don’t fucking pull the whole I’m not doing anything bullshit with me,” she rolled her eyes. “I know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m sure you gave her the Polaroid today, really? Exactly when you know she’ll go on a date with Tom? And you take her to the stairs? So he can see it right?

Tim clenched his jaw. “I—Well.”

“Sabotaging her relationship is not the way to go, Tim,” Emma warned him. “And I—I just told you—Best thing you could try is...move on, alright? I know you love her and that she was—She seemed perfect for you, and I still think you guys worked so well together but… She is so in love with him, and by doing this you’re only hurting her more—Besides, really Tim, you know her better than this,” she pushed. “I—“ Emma sighed. “I'm telling you this because I love you, I don’t want to sound harsh but—“She closed her eyes. “I know she is confused, and making her even more confused won’t help you, let her settle it, let her have it right now.”

Tim didn’t say anything and just walked out of the room. He had gone to his room and unfortunately had left his door open to see y/n walking out on a red dress to run over excitedly to Tom, who had pulled her close to him to kiss her cheek and smell her perfume.

Timmy knew Emma was right, y/n was in love with him. So, very deeply in love. And it hurt, seeing her. And Timmy asked for more patience, or for more time, or strength to move on.

It felt weird, Tim felt lonely and broken hearted, and he just missed her, and it was stupidly incredible that she lived right there in the same apartment. He knew she loved Tom, that was it but it…. It still didn’t make any sense. Honestly, it felt like they were completely strangers.

Especially y/n, she really felt like a stranger, even to Tom it seemed. She seemed too… distant to everyone.

Tom felt it, too. He felt that y/n was just off, even if she was happy or tried to be and even if she was kissing his cheek, she was being… different. And Tom only wanted to get over with it, the awkwardness.

And he wondered if she wanted to get over with it, too.

They went out for dinner, not in the place where she’d imagine Tom would take her, it was a nice dinner place with lightbulbs hanging around, a flower in a glass bottle, candles around, very… cozy, and romantic, and they were talking about barely anything, and maybe for a bit it felt like they were each other again.

Y/N knew this, she felt weird with herself, as if even when she seemed to be saying what she wanted to say, she really wasn’t saying what her heart wanted, but as if her own heart was keeping secrets. It felt like Tom didn’t know her, though. And it had never felt that way before, but it felt like they were both trying to get to know each other again. Because neither of them were being themselves, not entirely.

“So, you were clearly not talking about pictures with Tim,” Tom had mentioned.

y/n looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t….”

“So?” Tom seemed anxious about it.

“He gave me a birthday present, a…he gave me a polaroid,” she cleared up. “A vintage, original one.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Tom nodded, and gulped. “As long as he doesn’t give you a ring.”

She rolled her eyes. “Tom.”

Tom shrugged.

“I… told him,” she cleared her throat. “That well… it’s you.”

“It’s me?” Tom wondered, and a smile came to his face. “What am I?”

She rolled her eyes, chuckling softly. “An idiot, that’s what you are.”

Tom chuckled. “Uh-huh, I am, and what else?”

She blushed. “Nothing.”

Tom hadn’t pushed it any further. Their conversation kept flowing. Talking about them. What made them so… them.

“I remember that everyone was in love with this one guy, ugh, what’s his name? The one that bullied you,” Y/N tried to recall.

“Edward,” Tom remembered. “He was so big.”

“Well, everyone had a crush except me, because well, I was the idiot, you know?”

“You loved that scrawny guy who-”

“Adorable guy,” she added.

“Scrawny guy,” he continued. “Who did ballet and everyone crushed on Edward, who-”

“I actually was… dating Louis back then,” she recalled. “But…” She chuckled. “But my point is… I was the one who… hid a rat in his car.”

“No way!” Tom’s eyes popped as he leaned over. “You’re kidding.”

“I… Look, nobody could be an asshole to you unless it was me, that was-” She was nervous. “I was so angry at everything he said at you, I…” She rolled her eyes. “And I… genuinely don’t know.”

“Where in this bloody world did you get a rat from?” He wondered. “I mean thank you but I didn’t think you’d-”

“Please I had experience from pranks for you so of course…” She gulped, hiding a laugh. “I...Well, there was a rat in Louis' house, and well they trapped it and instead of… you know killing it I… well told Louis to break into Ed’s car and I hid the rat there.”

Tom was shocked. “And that was because of me?”

“No, I hated Ed,” she looked away. “He was the biggest asshole.”

Tom grinned. “Are you sure? Because I remember that rat incident being right after he had hit me in the hall.”

“Really?” y/n coughed. “I wouldn’t remember,” she blushed looking away.

“Which actually brought attention to me, they said it had been me!” He recalled. “I got into detention.”

Y/N grinned. “Yeah, killed two birds in one shot,” she smirked.

“I’m serious did you-?”

“Yeah, maybe I did it for you, okay? Whatever, yes, I had feelings for you and I was angry someone else was taking away my job, let’s remember we were enemies back then, alright?” She was nervous.

Tom smirked. “You had a crush on me.”

“Shut up,” she chuckled. “You had a crush on me, too.”

Tom shrugged, smiling. “Yeah, I did. I’m not trying to hide it.

Y/N avoided his gaze, not believing he was actually making her feel butterflies, even after all this time, she was still nervous. In a good way. She wasn’t always nervous, most of the time, she didn’t, she felt so calm around him, but on the edge, as if she didn’t need to worry about being herself but expectant of each other’s attitude.

Tom watched her, “Why do I always feel like there’s always something on your mind?”

“Because there is,” she laughed. “Don’t you?”

“No, I’m dumb, remember? I can actually blank up my mind,” he smirked. “Or well, not at all. There is a constant on my mind,” he had reached for her hand.

“Oh?” her eyes had brightened up, a timid smile on her face.

“Yeah, Spiderman,” he joked, earning a glare from y/n.

It was so stupid. But they were… back being them. Probably because they were alone. As if someone was brushing y/n’s dream, and she couldn’t get enough of him, his laugh was her everything. She couldn’t help but sigh and run out of breath, and never stop blushing, there was no doubt about it. And she had once thought about it, ‘the day that Tom loves me, the world will party’. She had been wrong, the world wasn’t partying, and there were no flowers blooming and no fireworks. The world instead, stopped, as if it was them and only them. The stars were probably jealous of them seeing them shining even more brightly than them.

“You know, from the moment we met,” he had said.

“When we were kids, you mean?” She chuckled .

“Truly met,” Tom gulped. “Rome, I mean.”

She blinked. “Yeah.”

“I… Why didn’t you kiss me?” He asked.

“Hm? When?”

“That one night, you know the one, lovely evening, I remember I asked for a kiss,” he recalled. “And… you said and I quote: ‘No, Thomas, don’t ask for a kiss’.”

She looked away, remembering. “Because I didn’t want you to ask for it.”

He frowned.

“It’s silly but that’s the way I am, I didn’t want you to ask for it, I was clearly begging for one,” she explained. “I wanted you to… do it. One should never ask for a kiss, or not… verbally.”

“How so?”

“I mean certain contexts,” y/n said. “But that night? I thought I had hinted it enough

“So you did want me to kiss you,” He grinned.

“Of course!” She beamed. “I—it’s not secret by now that I—“she cleared her throat. “Well, enjoy when our lips come together.”

“Oh, so you enjoy that?” He mocked.

“Very much so,” she answered shyly. “And—it had been the perfect evening! It would’ve cost you nothing,” she smiled.

“Cost me nothing,” he laughed.

“I think you’ll find that kissing me is quite cheap,” she pointed out.

He scrunched his nose. “That’s a lie.”

“No, no, I was the one who could lose there,” she sighed.

“No, y/n. Because kissing you costs a lifetime.”

She scoffed. “How so?”

“I kissed you once when I was 13 and never stopped thinking about it,” he said. “And after that evening.”

“Would I have been so bad?” She questioned, “if we had realized it back then.”

“Think we did,” he said, “but you didn’t kiss me either.”

“No, but—because you had asked for it.”

“You’re right… I should’ve, but there’s a lot of things I should’ve done...still can’t believe it, how stupid I was,” he said.

“It didn’t click you know,” she nodded. “When you broke my heart,” she continued. “I mean, the excuses you gave me… They didn’t make any sense.”

Tom looked down.

“And…” She sighed.

“Would you’ve forgiven me? If I had come earlier?” He asked.

She stared at him. “Maybe,” she admitted. “Probably, if I’m honest… I did wait for you to come again with yellow flowers, and I’d have my hand right in my heart, and I would wait for you to come and apologize and I would see it, you know, wait for you to stand up in the rain and said you didn’t mean it, and I… I was angry, alright? It was stupid letting my life pass by waiting for it besides the whole scenario...but then again, it wa shot and it’s still you and I’m—it’s silly.”

“It’s not silly,” Tom said. “It’s you,” he took a deep breath, “and I knew you’d like that… kind of stuff, but when I finally realized it, it was too late.”

“But it’s not late now,” she admitted. “We’re finally on time. And I’m glad I’ve always been so stubborn when it comes to you because otherwise we wouldn’t be here.”

The evening had continued to flow, as both of them had become quieter, in a way that they didn’t need to talk to communicate, between whispers and giggles and hand brushing, it was all they needed.

The ticking had stopped, y/n had noticed. It’d come, she knew but… God, when she was with him, she didn’t have to worry about anything. Because it seemed that it was made for them, all her doubts disappeared because he was the answer she needed. It was them against the world.

They hadn’t talked about Valerie and William, not that night. It was Tom and y/n,.

They hadn’t kissed. Tom had ceased the kissing when James had arrived, which y/n hated, she missed his lips so much her own were begging for them. She wouldn’t ask for it. Never ask for a kiss, not out loud.

She was wearing his jacket back on their way, he had said: ‘I wasn’t cold but I knew you’d be so that’s why I brought it’. Her hand was on his hair as he drove, listening to music, windows down as they hummed the lyrics, and as y/n stared down at the lights the city was giving her, her hair flying.

She was sad, though, Tom hadn’t even tried to lean over and kiss her, not even seeing a hint of him trying to do so.

They had walked in, the guys seemed to be all too invested in a video game, all except for Clark who was rather interested in playing with James’ hair as y/n’s brother yelled at the screen. He looked up when seeing them walk in, he smiled at the sight of y/n’s shoulders being covered by Tom’s jacket.

“Hello, you two,” Clark had greeted them.

Tom peeked to see the screen, not letting go of y/n’s hand.

“Hi,” y/n said, knowing she’d most likely lose Tom’s attention to the screen.

“How did it go?” Clark asked.

“Bloody hell, Samuel!” James yelled.

“Piss off,” Harry yelled, too.

y/n chuckled. “It went well,” she said.

“Well?” Tom lost focus of the screen, as he turned to her. “Well?”

She ignored him and kept staring at Clark. “Can you believe the evening has gone by so splendidly but he still hasn’t kissed me?”

Tom immediately blushed.

“Good,” said James. “Kissing is gross.”

“Is it?” Clark asked before kissing his cheek.

James coughed. “Straight kissing is gross,” he corrected himself.

Harry laughed.

Sam scrunched his nose. “Why haven’t you kissed her? you usually bloody eat each other’s faces.”

Harry scoffed.

“Don’t you dare eat my sister’s face,” James warned. “Or anything for that matter.”

“James,” y/n closed her eyes.

Tom laughed. “We’re gonna…”

“No, why don’t you guys stay? We were about to play Mario Kart” Offered James. “So why don’t you both play with all of us, you know you can sit over there with your brother and y/n can sit over here, everyone’s happy.”

“Jamey, love, don’t be a dick,” warned Clark.

Y/N chuckled. “Fine, I want to play,” she admitted.

“Great, mario kart is the real deal breaker between couples.”

Of course, they hadn’t followed James’ instruction for their sitting arrangement, y/n had sat on the couch, and Tom had sat on the floor, resting his back against her. Y/N was still bothered by the fact she hadn’t yet been kissed that night, but she soon forgot it as it felt like one of those nights when they were younger, all of them playing and yelling at each other.

Tom had left the room without any explanation at some point, but she was too busy trying to beat her brother at rainbow road to even notice.

Time went by, and before she knew it, the lights had gone off, and they all had turned with a smirk as Tom had walked in with a cake with candles.

‘Happy Birthday’ they all sang as she stared at the cake, pretty cake, sunflowers again. Tom kissing her cheek.

It felt… like years ago, the Holland’s, James, and now Clark, too, of course it was Tom holding the cake now, not Harry, and now she didn’t have a wish, usually she’d plan ahead her birthday wishes, because that’s something James had taught her to. Instead, she wished for everything to keep flowing as easy as it could with Tom. Funny, how many birthday wishes had not involved him already.

They had sat and ate cake like old times, y/n smearing some frosting to Tom’s cheek and then kissing it off, making the boy blush and getting James to glare at her. Laughing at each other, telling old jokes as y/n was laying against Tom, his arms around her and his lips brushing against her head.

How many years had they not wasted by being enemies.

Eventually, they had all gone to bed knowing the next day would expect them, except for Clark and James who had stayed in the kitchen.

Tom and y/n had stayed on the couch.

“So, I’m gonna be honest,” Tom had said as he had sat with her, he had left yet again to get something

She only stared into his eyes, begging her with her sight to kiss her already. She should’ve probably wished for that, instead.

“I—this wasn’t going to be your birthday present.”

“You didn’t need to get me anything,” she said.

He had sat up and pulled out a small box, he seemed nervous, but excited. The box… gave her shivers. But it couldn’t be.

Y/n only smiled watching him, resenting her head against her palm.

“I—back when,” he gulped, “back when I was still in London debating whether or not to direct dos-a-dos,” he continued. “I—well.”

“Yeah?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you because—Well,” he grinned. “I am so stupidly in love with you.”

She only blushed.

“So—one day,” he gulped. “I went—Well, you know, to the mall and whatsoever, and—I saw this shop.”

“Right.”

“And so I bought a pair of boots for me,” he said, leaning against the couch, trying to recall. “They were very—nice, you know?”

“Uh—huh,” she rolled her eyes. “And did you bring those boots to LA?”

“No, I didn’t,” he side eyed her, “should’ve, you would have loved them.”

Y/n rolled her eyes giggling. “I bet.”

“But anyway, after I bought the boots—I passed by that shop you like.”

Y/n blinked. “Care to be more specific?”

“The one with the vinyls, and vintage stuff,” he reminded her, but she looked down at the tiny box he was holding, it definitely wasn’t anything from that shop.

“Oh, yeah, love that place,” she smiled.

“Yeah, and I—went in,” he admitted. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you, everything they had… so I—“

She just waited for him to continue.

“I bought a fee vinyls for me, too,” he nodded seriously.

Y/n bit her lip, holding back a laugh, “amazing, which ones did you buy?”

“I bought a Beatles one… uh, Queen.”

“Great choices,” she grinned. “I’m proud.”

“And of course Rolling Stones, because I thought of you,” he said.

Y/n scooted closer to him to gently run her hands through his hair, he couldn’t hide his smile.

“And then—One day, I went out again,” he grinned.

“Hm-hm?”

He coughed, “yeah, and I walked again to that one other shop you like, the one with the clothes.”

“With the clothes,” she laughed.

“Yeah, you know the one,” he chuckled, avoiding her gaze.

“And did you get in?” She asked.

“No,” he grinned. “I went for an ice cream, you know, I was really craving one.”

She stared at him, so mesmerized by him, even when he was being the silliest. “God, I love you,” she blurted out, without really thinking of it. That’s how it should be, realy. Nothing wrong with that.

He finally locked his eyes with her and smiled, he took her hand in his and kissed it. “Yeah, so—“he grinned, “none of that has to do with your birthday present.”

Y/n chuckled. “Really? I thought the birthday present would be seeing you with those boots and dancing with you to the music on those vinyls and eating ice cream.”

“Ah, that would’ve been great huh,” he grinned staring into her eyes.

“Would’ve loved that.”

“I actually did bring the vinyls,” he admitted.

She kissed his temple. “Great, let’s play them—“

“Yeah, but—I haven’t finished,” he admitted. “I… Well, I've had a lot of time, you know? To reflect on—on the script, on us. But especially the script.”

Y/n stared at the features on his face, fixating on the freckles on his nose as he kept talking.

“So, I kept avoiding the script, even if I wanted to direct it because—Well, it was your dream, I remember and I think I’ll never forget how in Rome you told me your biggest dream was making a film of a ballerina,” he said. “I—well, and I wanted to read it, but I couldn’t because I thought—well, dunno, having something yet to read was something I still had to look forward to, you know? And so I kept listening to the vinyls because they reminded me of you, and I kept—trying to find you everywhere, alright?” He confessed. “On every single face and—The days just went by and I—eventually read it.”

Y/n silently watched him.

“And I fell in love with it, because—it’s you. The script is so—you, it was like reading an open book about you, and I don’t mean it in the way that it’s our story, like I genuinely—you really poured heart and soul in it, the songs you put in, the setting—and, well, it was really you, you know? I know you’ve always loved 80’s movies because they seem so ridiculous but so magical.“

Y/n chuckled nervously. “Where are you going with this?”

“I know it’s your biggest dream,” he sentenced. “And well—I’m sorry I didn’t get you a pair of boots like mine.”

She laughed rolling her eyes.

“And I didn’t get a vinyl.”

“Tommy,” she nudged him.

He only handed it to her, the small box. A very stupid and scary suspicion in her head had completely been erased as she picked the small box.

As she opened it, it revealed a necklace with a small pendant of a ballerina hanging from it. The brightest beam had appeared on y/n’s face.

“I know you’ve—never liked the idea of someone giving you jewelry, especially bracelets or necklace because they don’t hold any meaning, but—I think—I know you’re not a dancer but, I think Valerie is your own special project, and—“Tom grinned. “I was saving it to give it to you on the premier but—“

“I love it, I...No, really this… This is perfect,” she whispered looking at it. Tom had once taught her that roses weren’t always basic. And Tom had now proven to her that this didn’t have to be either, because it was them, and it held such a special meaning to her.

She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and he only smiled.

“I was gonna give you a T—“

“As in Troy?” She mocked.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t.”

She laughed. “I love it.”

He looked deep into her eyes and she just waited for it… But he didn’t kiss her.

“Yeah, so, let’s go to sleep,” he quickly stood up, letting her fall flat on the couch.

“Thomas,” she hissed playfully. He had already left, and she could feel his smirk from afar, so she followed after him.

“So, you can have my bed, I’m gonna leave to sleep on the couch because that was my agreement with James,” he explained, picking up his stuff as soon as she got to the room.

She frowned. “No?”

“Yes,” he replied cockily.

“I’m not letting you leave until you bloody kiss me,” she replied.

He paused and then turned with a proud smug smirk, “Then that gives me even more reasons not to kiss you.”

She opened her mouth to complain, but really she was in such a state of shock that not a single word came out.

“Goodnight love,” he grinned as he headed to the door.

“Why are you like this?” She rolled her eyes, giggling.

Tom took a deep breath before staring her down.

“For the love of god, kiss me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“One shall never ask for a kiss,” he replied smugly.

“Are you kidding me?” She closed her eyes, not believing it.

“No, you said it yourself,” he grinned. “Not verbally.”

“Just shut up and come here, idiot,” she laughed before pulling him close to her, finally placing her lips on him. It felt like just the very first time, Tom and her had that magic, of making each and every kiss feel like they’ve never kissed before, so unique and so perfectly synchronized with each other.

“Don’t you guys fucking dare to do anything,” James was just walking by with a glass of water. “People need to sleep.”

Clark had mouthed an apology before following after.

Y/n had pulled away and then smirked. “Want to prank him?”

Tom had only given her a weird face.

Y/N knew James was staying right on the next room, and that she definitely was not going to be able to do anything without him hearing, that of course, meant she could piss him off, to get back at him for being a dick.

Y/N explained her idea to Tom, and he immediately accepted, with the sole condition to leave the door open so his life could actually be spared.

Both Tom and y/n had settled in their places, sitting right on top of the bed, right against the headboard which was conveniently against James’ wall.

And so they started.

Both of them repeatedly, and in perfect sync started, Tom hitting his elbows against the headboard, making sure the noise it made was perfectly identifiable as something else as y/n was jumping on the bed.

A faint “no, no, no, no, fucking hell, no,” had been yelled from the other room.

Tom and y/n tried to hide in their laughter, but proceeded to make it even worse, adding dramatic moans and “oh yes!” “Y/n!” “Right there!” “Tommy!” In between.

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Now it had been louder.

“Jamey, love—“

Tom and y/n smirked and went in even louder, “yes!” “So tight!” “Harder!” “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

“No! No! No! No! Bloody hell y/n I’m in the bloody next room!” James yelled. “I’m gonna kill you, Thomas!”

And then they heard the loud and quick stumping as James’ door was open as he ran to knock on y/n’s and Tom’s door, but instead, the door was wide open and he could see what actually was happening, Tom and y/n, fully clothed and not even an inch close.

That’s when both y/n and Tom lost it, bursting into laughter.

“YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK!” James yelled at them before joining in their laughter, red from embarrassment.

Clark had followed right after, laughing with them. “So that—“

Y/n couldn’t stop her laughter, even tears had come down her cheek as she stared at her brother so embarrassed, watching them.

“I can’t believe you fell for that!” Y/N had laughed.

Clark couldn’t stop giggling either.

“And by the way, thanks Clark,” Tom laughed, “you’re a real one.”

“I fucking hate you all,” James rolled his eyes.

“Now let’s go for the real one,” Tom had joked, probably with a death wish, but he quickly regretted it, “no, no, no, I’m joking! I’m joking!”

“You bet your ass you’re joking,” James warned before laughing again, defeated, “I hate you both.”

He had left with Clark laughing behind him, leaving y/n and Tom still laughing at their prank.

Laughing and laughing until they ran out of breath and laughed again.

“Shit, I love you so much,” Tom had said with one last breath after laughing.

“I love you, too,” she had said, “that was the best fake sex I’ve had in my life.”

“Hm, I’m pretty sure I’ve given you the best non fake one, too,” he had said cockily.

“Non fake,” she scoffed.

But then they’ve gone back to laughing, eventually somehow it transformed into kissing, and they had spent the night kissing, and giggling and nothing more, probably because they were aware that it was a very risky situation having James right beside and honestly, they were decent but mostly because they didn’t need more. Just the two of them laying down, and merging their lips together, becoming one with the other, was all they needed.

The next day was rather perfect, filming had gone as smoothly as it could go, and though they kept their distance because they were professionals, y/n could tell there was something different about her and Tom. Not sure what but it felt like things could work out. A ray of hope, if one must say.

There had been more cake, more people congratulating her for her birthday and just—Flowers. Sunflowers here and there, Along with blue hydrangeas. Pretty combination. Tom had made sure to fill up the place. She did love the sunflowers. Her mother calling her, auntie Eliza sending her pink carnations, it was—good. Especially after they told everyone about their prank, that made it even better.

“You do have that fake sex aftermath glow,” Emma had joked.

Perfect day, a perfect day until the sun was yawning down, she had put on her best clothes, and she was nervous. Not sure why though.

Tom had invited the cast as well. Nothing could go wrong, and it definitely wasn’t going to, right? Y/N had thought maybe it was a good day after all.

The place had been packed and the first song playing had been Ironic by Alanis Morissette, James had been the first one to point it out, he really liked that song. And though the combination of friends seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster, y/n thought it had gone calmly. At least at the beginning.

The club seemed to be picked out of y/n’s dreams, an 80’s and 70’s paradise playing the songs she loved to sing along to. There was a karaoke, too, in the background, separate from the dance floor. Honestly, the place was perfect. Fun.

And y/n had ignored Cherry’s presence as long as she could, she hadn’t been rude, but of course she’d been avoiding her, because the moment she saw her, y/n did feel insecure. She had shown up with a tight dress that gave nothing to the imagination, and her hair perfectly falling down her shoulders, her whole body shimmered. She was beautiful, beyond compare, perfect.

“Y/N!” She had greeted her. “I’m so glad I see you, I love your dress, hun, happy birthday!”

Her high pitched tone had only made y/n even more insecure. And y/n had seen her dancing, she’d caught Josh’s attention, it had seemed. Even Asa’s and Gregg’s attention. Because of course she would, the girl was perfect.

“Is Tim your boyfriend?” Cherry had asked y/n.

“What?” Y/N didn’t know if she’d heard right. “No… No, he’s not.”

“Oh, I thought he was!”

“Happy birthday!” Someone had yelled as they popped off a bottle.

Y/N could take care of Cherry later, who was actually picking out mostly everyone’s attention.

“Who is she?” Josh had asked her. “If it weren’t for Emma, I’d say she’s the prettiest girl in the world.”

There was a lot to unpack from Josh’ statement.

“That’s my cousin,” she explained. “She’s single, so why don’t you give it a go?” Y/N had suggested, knowing perfectly that if he did, she’d take away another problem. Because she’d seen Harry anxious the moment Josh had showed up.

Y/N didn’t know why she felt like Harry did know about Josh, she wasn’t sure but the same face Harry was giving Josh was the face Y/N gave to Cherry.

Initially, she had seen Cherry approach Tom, she had whispered something in his ear, and he had only gulped before walking off to one of his brothers. It made y/n anxious.

“You know what? You should go and sing Jolene,” Emma suggested, y/n could tell that Emma probably was slightly dizzy, as she had dragged her, Clark and Auli’i to the dance floor, a...very strange combination. Y/N was just a bit bothered by this, since she wanted to be with Tom, or rather, she wanted to pull him away from where Cherry was.

“Jolene?” Auli’i laughed. Felt rather weird for y/n hanging out with celebrities. Tom didn’t count… Not in that way, at least.

“Yes, Jolene,” Emma said. “I’m begging you please don’t take my man!”

“Your man?” Auli’i had asked. “As in Tom?”

Y/N chuckled. “Uh...Well….er.”

“Please, you’re dating, right?” She laughed.

Y/N didn’t answer.

“Please, it’s kind of obvious,” Auli’i explained. “You guys have tried to be subtle but we all know it.”

Well, there goes their attempt at trying to be professional. It didn’t matter, honestly. But it did bother her knowing that Cherry was the only girl in there, but thankfully, her own brother had kept Cherry occupied, thank god.

Y/N was also bothered by the fact Tom wasn’t by her side, just slightly bothered. She guessed, however, that he was having fun with his brothers. She wondered where Timmy was, because all she could see was the guys, and Cherry, at the table getting their asses drunk.

Especially Timmy.

Emma had dragged them back to the place, y/n had tried to get close to Tom, who had also tried to pull her close to him, but somehow she had been dragged away again. It was annoying, and the night kept going like that. She hadn’t had one single minute with Tom, and it was bothering her. Tom, too, it seemed.

Tom was very bothered by the fact that y/n kept being pulled by her friends, not that they were doing it to specifically bother him, but it was… annoying. Also, having Cherry around, was not a perfect situation, especially because she was insisting on talking to him. What in this world was she trying to do?

He didn’t want to deal with that, he only wanted to have fun. Besides, a club with loud music was definitely not the place to talk. Not on his… girlfriend’s? Birthday celebration.

The night was getting blurry, to him, to everyone. Half past twelve, it was getting darker, and the drinks had come and gone, drink after drink. Everyone seemed to be having a very good time, and he wasn’t sure but the lights on the club had probably lowered, flashes green and yellow were blinding him. The group was constantly divided, and he had had only a small chance to dance with y/n. The music was buzzing too loud, as he escaped through the crowds, trying to find y/n, and he saw her, dancing with everyone and then, Timmy had dragged her close to him, she didn’t even notice as she danced and sang along to the… 70’s, yeah 70’s song playing. Tom feared it, because it’s not difficult to know when someone wants to kiss the person you’re in love with. Tim was drunk, Tom knew this, and the look in his eyes was saying everything. And though he didn’t see that look on y/n, he feared it.

Tom quickly had pulled her by the hand and finally wrapped his arms around her so they could dance.

Tim had only rolled his eyes but kept dancing with Emma.

“Hi!” y/n had cheered as soon as she saw Tom.

“Hey!”

“Where have you been?” She asked, leaning to his ear.

“Here and there,” he admitted, she only giggled to lean over to kiss him.

Everything was going too quickly, the lights and music were not helping. They had barely danced before Emma had dragged y/n.

“I’m sorry, Tom, but it’s y/n’s and I turn to go to the karaoke!” Emma had said before getting her away.

“You were getting too comfortable,” Tom had barked at Tim.

“Pff,” Tim had scoffed. “You’re scared it’ll happen again?”

“What?” Tom frowned. “I’m-- she’s with me.”

“Yet she slept with me just before you arrived,” Tim had blurted.

Tom had felt the music getting louder, and louder, just as Tim had left and Tom was sunk into the dancing crowd.

He didn’t have to believe him… right?

In the state of shock, he only tried to follow after where Emma and y/n were heading.The karaoke music was playing, Emma had chosen ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man after midnight!)’ for her and y/n to sing, and they had started, happily singing as she was so unaware of what Tom was feeling right now. Not sure if it was anger, disappointment, jealousy, or all at once.

The group had followed after them, too, as they were expectant to see the birthday girl, first receiving a very flattering shot of… Tom thought it was probably vodka as soon as she got to the stage. Emma and her sang and yelled, and the group danced and danced. Emma being such a crowd pleaser, yelling and making them cheer.

Tom couldn't.

Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers…

There was no sight of Tim, that was alright, he guessed. But then it… Tom’s mind went to every single time he’d seen her around Tim. It was so fucking obvious, of course they had slept together, and y/n probably still had feelings for him.

Tom was the only one who wasn’t dancing.

Emma had jumped off the stage to land on Josh, and then without even thinking about it, she had kissed him, right in front of Harry.

Sam and Clark had joined y/n on the stage, everyone was just too bloody drunk, and the song seemed to be never ending. Or maybe Tom hadn’t noticed when it had changed, it sounded like another ABBA song. And it was… ‘Voulez-Vous’. Now it was Y/N, Sam and Clark.

Tom didn’t even realize when Cherry was around him, and it probably was the alcohol working out but he danced with her. Not sure why.

Y/N saw it, right from the stage, but luckily Clark had been kind enough to dance with her as someone else had hopped to the stage to sing with them, now that y/n was definitely not able to sing.

And just as the song was ending, and as the next group of girls had popped on the stage, she saw it, perfectly happening, Cherry’s lips were on Tom’s.

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livefordrama · 5 years ago

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Reviewing Dramas I Have Watched Part 6

It’s been a while; I haven’t been able to watch a lot between school and just life. Not to mention the time I do have is spent doing buddy watches of kdramas I have already seen with my friends and family (On teleparty of course.) Again, here is my rating system: 1- Did not like, 2- Enjoyed but probably wouldn’t watch again, 3- Enjoyed and would watch some episodes again (or for movies may watch again), 4- Enjoyed and would watch again, 5- Loved

Korean Drama

Melting Me Softly: 3/5

Melting Me Softly is about a guy and s girl who get cryogenically frozen for an experiment for what was meant to be only a day. Unfortunately, something happens, and the 24-hour experiment turns into 20 years. Now they have to deal with the changes of not only their family and friends but the world and society as a whole all while trying to uncover the darker secrets behind the experiments.

I gave this a 3 because while the earlier and later episodes were amazing and hilarious, the episodes in the middle of the season bored me. I am not much of a romance person unless it is either subtle or played out a specific way and the romance in this wasn’t my personal cup of tea so it just got boring for me. On its good episodes though, it was funny, sad, and cute. I really did like the dynamic between the two main characters and the romance is pretty good, just a little slower in the middle of the series. The relationships with the family members of the two were so cute and so sad, I loved the all the scenes where the mains got to interact with their families. I did feel awkward and weird about the second-lead, I’m not sure if he counts as a second lead but for lack of a better term that’s what I’m calling him. I love Choi Bo-Min as an actor, and it had nothing to do with his acting, just the whole situation was uncomfortable to me. That other guy who doesn’t even deserve to be the second-lead, if you watch it you know, the stalker one, I despise that man. Not once during the entire show did I like one of his scenes. That could be why I didn’t enjoy the middle scenes as much cause he found a way to worm his way into almost every scene and I would get so annoyed with him. This show does have its good points and bad points, so I would recommend it for those who like romance with a little bit of suspense and humor.

Welcome to Waikiki (season 1): 3/5

Welcome to Waikiki is about a group of friends who own and attempt to run a guesthouse together. When they find a baby left behind in one of their rooms, they have to find out how to take care of her and find her mother. This becomes even more complicated when the mother returns in tears saying she had no where else to go and didn’t want her baby to suffer. After hearing about her troubles, they decide to take the two in, in exchange for help working at the guesthouse. It follows the group and mother as they try to figure out how to take care of a baby, save their failing guesthouse, and achieve their own dreams, all while falling in love.

This show was hilarious, I watched it because everyone was talking about how funny it was and I agree. I especially love how it focused on all the characters instead of picking just one or two and focusing on them. I love when shows really work on all their characters and this show played it out so well. Not one was neglected and I didn’t feel like any of them were underdeveloped by the end, and Sol was super cute! I loved every single one of her scenes, she was so funny and sassy and I know she is just a baby but she is amazing. I watched some episodes on the tv and my sisters even made comments on how cute she was when they looked up at the TV, even though they didn’t watch it. I enjoyed the ending and how it all played out and tied together nicely.

It was a delight for the first two thirds of the season. However, yet again that romance hit and the humor kinda dissipated to be replaced by the romance for a good few episodes. While it was admittedly cute, and I adored the romance scenes in the last few episodes, most romance scenes gave me such second-hand embarrassment I had to pause the show for a while and gain the courage to restart it. I did enjoy it but would probably only ever rewatch the first two thirds and maybe the last two or so episodes. It reminds me of Love With Flaws in the second-hand embarrassment romance scenes, so if you enjoyed that show, definitely give this one a chance. If you like romance, humor, and can handle the second-hand embarrassment stuff I highly recommend this one! It’s super cute and hilarious!

Missing Nine: 5/5

Trigger Warning: Plane crash, Blood, Injuries, Suicide attempts, Murder

Missing Nine is about a girl who gets hired as a stylist for an arrogant and cold idol. On her first day, the plane they are all riding on to an event crashes on a vacant island. Only nine of them survive the crash and must now fight to survive and be found all while struggling with the betrayal of one of their friends who began to murder them one by one.

I really enjoyed this one, it was my perfect type of show; angst, suspense, subtle romance, crime, found family. The only issue I had with it was the unrealistic ending, I just don’t understand how it is possible and don’t know how I even personally feel about it. I am also probably one of the very few people who didn’t watch it for Chanyeol, don’t get me wrong I am an Exol too, but like really new Exol. You can skip this parenthesis if you want, it’s a kpop tangent. (I am a huge multistan. I love all the kpop groups I have listened to so far and have all the dalcomsoft games minus Gfriend even though I love them, cause I feel like it’s going to be a BTS superstar and get deleted so it’s not worth my time or efforts. Feel free to talk to me about any group and any member. If I don’t know them, I would be happy to find new ones so even if they are not well known or new, don’t feel worried about squealing to me about them, I would love to make kpop/kdrama loving friends.) I watched for Jung Kyung-ho and only when I started did I see Chanyeol which was cool to find. This also means POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT I wasn’t disappointed or biased after a certain episode like many of the people I saw raging in the Tvtime comments, not saying this in a bad way just stating that since I am neutral on certain events, I will be focusing on specifically the plot and how I felt about said plot versus how I feel about characters. SPOILER ALERT OVER

Overall I really loved this show, it was certainly an emotional roller coaster. I felt that it could have had a second season or a spin off to tie up that last little cliffhanger but I personally and satisfied with how the main issue wrapped up, other than that one weird ending scene. If you like angst, suspense, crime, and a little romance seen in an enemies to lover type of trope then I highly recommend this show. I gave it a 5 cause I personally loved it and am already planning on rewatching it with my friend. It does have a lot of blood and injuries so if you are sensitive to that, I wouldn’t recommend it to you.

Because this is my first life: 5/5

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault, Attempted R@pe (but it didn’t get far at all, just be careful)

Because this is my first life is about a woman (Ji-ho) who has to find a new place to live as her brother is getting married and her parents gave the son the apartment that they had bought for both their children. Because of many misunderstandings and coincidences, she accidentally rents a new apartment with a very strict and stoic man (Se-hee). Due to more problems, the two come to an agreement that they should get married since they both can gain something from it. The woman gains a place to stay and the man gains a tenant to help pay the bills, no more, no less.

Okay, so while I said that I didn’t like romance this is the exception, much like Shopping King Louie, it was just a really cute slow burn that I thoroughly enjoyed watching. Many people in the fandom, on TV time at least, were giving Se-hee a hard time and saying he was using and manipulating Ji-ho but I didn’t see it that way. She consented and never voiced anything other than that and the deal was for her to stay in the apartment since she needed a place to live and he needed someone to help pay bills. He didn’t ask for anything more, she was already following his schedule before the marriage issue and was just fine and accepting when they decided to get married. Neither had any expectations of falling in love, they just both needed something that marriage would help them gain and both consented to it. Later on, Se-hee even asked her if any advances were okay and backed off when they weren’t with no questions asked which I find admirable. Okay, rant over. It was cute and at times annoying cause you just want them to get together already. I laughed so hard in so many episodes and cried in a few too. The cat was so adorable and I love the interactions the main’s had with the little fluff. The best, and sometimes most painful, bonding moments between the main’s were the ones that dealt with the cat. I wasn’t too fond of the love triangle but was pleased with how it actually played out with the two women actually accepting each others presence instead of being horrible to each other for the most part. Highly recommend it to any romance lovers, and especially to those who are fans of shows like Shopping King Louie as mentioned above.

Flower boy next door: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Stalking, Panic Attacks, Sensory overload, Bullying, Teacher Crushes and Manipulation of Such

Flower boy next door follows Dok-mi, a young woman with crippling social anxiety to the point she never leaves her apartment. From her window she watches her across the street male neighbor every day, taking note of his entire schedule. This all comes back to bite her when her neighbor’s brother comes to visit from Spain and catches her. What starts as an attempt to make her stop stalking her brother, quickly progresses into a mission to help her overcome her past, anxiety, and to get out of the house and adapt back to a healthy social life. As this mission goes on the two begins to realize they have feelings for each other, but Dok-mi’s own next-door neighbor has his own mission of getting her to stay inside and fall in love with him. He has been writing a web comic about her being a modern Rapunzel and has been in love with her for many years.

I enjoyed this one, I watched it cause the actor from Psychopath Diary starred in it and it was really cute. The romance was adorable, and the whole telepathy thing was a great addition that made me laugh. I love the whole adorable dork male with quiet cold girl trope so much. I didn’t like the whole stalking situation very much, it’s just kinda weird and was something that made me really uncomfortable during the first few episodes. I wasn’t a huge fan of the next-door neighbor, he just seemed like an enabler to me and I found myself angry through most of his scenes, as well as through most of Dok-mi’s childhood friend’s scenes. Other than those two characters, I enjoyed it well enough. I know some people can get annoyed by each characters flaws but I usually am good with morally grey characters as long as they learn from their mistakes. Some did in this show and there was a lot of character development and some didn’t which is realistic but makes me kind of sad. I recommend it to people who like a cute romance show with some angst and don’t mind morally grey characters.

Web-drama/Mini-series

Ghost Vros: 4/5

Trigger Warning: Suicide, Death, Some gore, Jump scares.

Ghost Vros follows two young men who are trying to start up a business where they hunt ghosts using virtual reality software. The main character is able to sense the ghost through his ears turning red and his friend programs the virtual realty to make sure the main has everything he needs to catch the ghosts.

I liked this one, it was fast like many web dramas are, but really interesting. I did attempt to translate it myself with my, admittedly little, Korean knowledge before finding the English subs (which you won’t be able to find now that Youtube has rudely removed community subs, unless it’s uploaded somewhere else. If someone finds it please let me know.) I was always engaged during the show and wasn’t bored at any point. It did have some confusing points and I wish we got more backstory as there was mentions of some interesting things that was never explored further, but it is a web drama, so that is more than likely too much to ask for. Recommend to anyone who enjoys a quick comedy ghost story.

Cats Taste and Cat Bartender: 5/5

Cat’s Taste and Cat Bartender follow three cat gods who run a bar at night to make money for their injured owner. At this bar, they give upset humans cocktails which enable them to either posses said human or go into a dream world, this isn’t really clear, and correct the issue in exchange for items the cats find interesting on top of the alcohol cost.

This show was so cute, I absolutely loved and couldn’t stop smiling. I got the first season, Cat’s Taste, on my youtube recommend and decided to watch it since I was bored. I am so glad I did, I got super excited when I saw that there is a second season as well and spent forever trying to hunt it down before a kind person on MyDramaList put a link to the English subs in a comment (if anyone needs it, I will be happy to send it.) Both seasons were amazing, and I am hoping for a season three as the ending looks like it might be set up for one. The way they showed the bartending moves was so pretty and satisfying and I liked how all three cats got to show their moves instead of just the one. I don’t like alcohol, have tried many kinds many times to but just don’t, however this show makes me want to drink the mixed drinks even though I know I would hate the taste.

Also, is it just me or does Ms. Hana remind anyone of Johnny from NCT? I don’t know if she looks like him or what, sometimes someone reminds me of someone else and the two look nothing alike. Don’t know what that’s all about but let me know because I could not shake the feeling that she reminded me of Mr. Johnny from Chicago. Anyway, tangent aside, I highly recommend to someone who like a quick but cute drama.

Korean Movies

Beautiful Vampire: 3/5

Beautiful Vampire is about a female vampire who tries to avoid people due to her nature, but has all that shattered when she runs into her landlady’s son one night and begins to fall in love.

This movie was pretty good, but a little confusing. I couldn’t even write a proper plot explanation cause I was just so confused. I honestly felt like a fever dream, though a relatively interesting fever dream. I wish we had more information and backstory cause it just kinda felt like a rollercoaster ride of pining. It ended okay; I mean I was bored at the time, so it was something to do. If I am bored in the future, I might watch it again. I agree with most on TvTime when they say, it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, it was just something to do. I feel like the story line needed more work done and that it ended too fast and progressed in such a way that it was hard to follow. If you are bored or have nothing to do, give it a try, you might like it more than I did.

Chinese Drama

Take My Brother Away: 3/5

Trigger Warning: Alcohol Abuse

Take My Brother Away is based on a web comic about two siblings living with their alcoholic, debtor father in China, after their mom filed for a divorce and left. It follows the two as they go to school, work, and try to live a normal life. The sister hates her brother for being lazy and not being able to help her get what she wants, and the brother gets annoyed at the sister for always getting violent with him and nagging him.

I loved this one, it was really interesting to see the dynamic between the family. I felt that the brother should have been given more credit in the beginning for all he does for his sister and I felt really sorry for the sister because she just wanted to be like the other students who could afford to read web comics or go on trips. Some episodes were hilarious, some were heartbreaking, some were admittedly annoying, some gave me secondhand embarrassment. I just love it all, the only reason I give it a three is because I wouldn’t watch all 50 episodes again, I loved it but some were more on the boring side like filler episodes and I just, don’t think I’ll ever watch the whole series again. I can defiantly say however, I will probably watch most of the episodes again. I enjoyed the ending though it was admittedly on the strange side, and felt it was wrapped up nicely. There was a lot of character development too which is always great. I recommend this to those who enjoy some dysfunctional family humor and some angst and who are able to commit to long seasons.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

#kdrama #kdrama review #review #melting me softly #welcome to waikiki season 1 #welcome to waikiki #missing nine #because this is my first life #flower boy next door #ghost vros #ghost bros #cats taste #cat bartender #beautiful vampire #take my brother away #shopping king louie #nct #johnny suh

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thegreenmeridian · 4 years ago

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Ok, a lot of people have heard of the Dyatlov Pass Incident. But have you ever heard of “The English Calamity”?

In 1936 a group of 27 grammar schools boys aged 12-17 went hiking in the Black Forest in Germany, under the direction of 27 year old PE and German teacher Kenneth Keast. The oldest boy, 17 year old Douglas Mortifee was a prefect and assisted Keast in leading the group.

By most reports, they were poorly equipped for the challenging route chosen, especially given the wintery conditions in April. Some were even wearing sandals and shorts. The only map they had was a 1:100,000 scale map lacking terrain details, provided by the “School Travel Service”.

The plan was to cross Mount Schauinsland, starting at the village of Freiburg and finishing in Todtnauberg. When warned by the tourist office in Freibergof the weather forecast, Keast’s response was a blythe “the English are used to sudden changes in the weather!”.

After getting lost in the deteriorating conditions, they happened across an inn where again, a local woman warned them against continuing. The paths and signeage would be buried beneath snow and given that they’d already become disoriented once, surely continuing would be dangerous.

Again, Keast didn’t seem to grasp the seriousness. They would brush the snow off signs if need be, he said. And so they continued. Two woodcutters retreating from the worsening weather warned them off continuing, and a postman, Otto Steirt, even offered to guide them to return to the village or guide them to a mining hostel. This was at 3.15pm; they had left Freiburg in the morning. Keast turned the offer down.

Keast did question the state of his boys, most reporting at least some degree of misery from the cold and wet, but nonetheless, Keast decided it would be better to press on. Partly as a result of his map: at such a scale, the map showed only major routes and gave no indication that the next leg of the hike would be over particularly steep inclines, including he gruelling 600m 70% gradient stretch known as Kappler Wand.

The first boy to collapse from cold and exhaustion was Jack Alexander Eaton. The school’s boxing champion, healthy and fit, fell to the ground and was offered three things: a piece of cake, an orange, and the advice to “buck up.”

At last, they reached the ridge. Now they were facing the threat of full exposure to the winds, and it was here Keast made a terrible mistake. Had they turned eastward into the howling winds, they would have reached the summit station that lay less than a mile away. Instead, and understandably, they turned west. Disoriented, bedraggled, the boys continued on. Eaton and another boy were by now unable to walk and had to be carried, another three weren’t far off.

At last, they heard the 7pm church bells from the distant village of Hofsgrund. Knowing they would not make it off the mountain without help, Keast sent two of the healthiest ahead while the others remained behind to try and revive their fallen friends. The two sent ahead took more than an hour to reach a farmhouse on the very edge of the village. Farmer Eugen Schweizer, was in the process of bundling himself up to leave his house to catch the bread delivery when up to his door stumbled two half-frozen boys in shorts. Through chattering teeth and in broken German, they managed to give their message.

Zwei Mann, krank am Berg. Two men sick on the mountain.

Herr Schweizer ran at once to the village in to gather a rescue party. With skis strapped to their feet, the men set out and what they found was a disaster. The boys were spread out across a wide area by this point, some stumbling towards the village and some collapsed. Schweizer nearly fell over two unconscious boys nearly buried in the snow. One boy, Stanley Lyons, was discovered collapsed only 10 metres from the village inn, already dead. Keast was found with two unconscious boys. Rescuer Hubert Wissler climbed alone for 45 minutes to reach three boys suffering exposure. The rescue effort carried on until every boy had been found, lasting until almost midnight.

A doctor who was by chance holidaying in the area rushed to help the worst cases, while the boys in less severe condition were treated by the locals using the time-tested method of beating them with brooms to get their circulation going, lest exposure to the heat of the large wood stove in the inn send them into shock.

Despite the villager’s best efforts, four boys were dead. Eaton, who had fallen first, 12 year old Francis Bourdillon, 13 year old Peter Ellercamp, and 14 year old Stanley Lyons. Two more, 14 year olds Arthur Roberts and Roy Witham, remained in serious condition and were sent to hospital the following day. Witham was never to regain consciousness.

(Jack Eaton)

Dazed and barely able to comprehend what had happened, the boys were returned to Freiburg to await their journey home.

Where the story gets especially tragic is how it was used as Nazi propeganda. The leader of the Hitler Youth rushed to telegraph the British Ambassador to inform him that wreaths “from the German Youth” would be placed upon every coffin sent back to England, and that a Hitler Youth sentinel would watch over the coffins until their transportation. Newspapers in both nations carried pictures of this vigil, with coffins draped in Union Jacks against a backdrop of swastikas. As the local Youth leader gave a speech about the “will of understanding and peace” between British and German “comrades”, older Youth members took the surviving boys out to play football and on omnibus rides.

The hike has begun on a Friday; on Monday, the nation celebrated Hitler’s birthday. The coffins of the boys were not except from the celebrations. In a parade lead by local Nazi dignitaries, hundreds of Hitler Youth, Union of German Girls, and Freiburg schoolchildren, the coffins were escorted to Freiburg train station. The survivors boarded the train accompanied by 20 Youth.

The Nazi propeganda machine had already begun spreading the tale that the rescue had been a Hitler Youth effort, and the Reich’s Youth Press had issued a statement claiming the boys who had died had done so in the service of “further[ing] the open, honest friendship between nations”. The mayor of Freiburg even wrote to the father of one of the deceased boys, speaking of how his son had been “sacrificed” and become a “standard bearer for the important aspects of understanding between our two great nations”.

The excitement did not stop at Freiburg; thousands of Germans came out to watch the train on its 330 mile journey from Freiburg to the Belgian border, many throwing sweets for the survivors as they hung out of the train windows to watch the spectacle. Several parents of the boys personally wrote thank you letters to Hitler to thank him for the grand send off, and to the German state train company for waiving the £60 fee for conveying each coffin.

When the coffins at last returned home, they bore wreaths from the Hitler Youth, the British Ambassador to Germany, and Hitler himself. More floral tributes, bedecked in swastikas, arrived for the boys’ funerals.

Keast remained in Germany for another few days as a guest of the Hitler Youth, and a British tabloid newspaper ran a photo of him sitting in an open-top car with a Hitler Youth representive and a local Gestapo member.

Plans for a memorial were raised publicly for the first time by the official Nazi newspaper around a month after the disaster. The Hofsgrund villagers, perhaps annoyed at the Hitler Youth claiming the rescue efforts as their own, lobbied for an inscription that would have acknowledged the locals who had risked their lives to bring each boy, dead or alive, from the mountain. It was, however, the leader of the loca Hitler Youth who was eventually given control of the project.

While the original plan by the Hofsgrund villagers had been a rock with an inscription, the Youth leader wanted something far grander, going so far as to bring aboard renouned art professor Hermann Alker to create a design for a project he was keen to stress was of special interest to the Führer. The final design consisted of two huge slabs of Black Forest granite inscribed with the names of the boys, with a third stone bridged atop bearing a Nazi eagle and swastika.

(The monument today)

The inauguration was due to be attended by a member of the British royal family and Lord Baden-Powell, founder of the Scout movement. However, the monument’s completion date, the summer of 1938, was shortly before the Munich Agreement which gave Germany control of the Sudetenland, and the atmosphere between Germany and England was no longer one in which such an event would take place. There were even calls to tear the monument down, though nothing ever came of them.

Another, smaller monument exists. Commissioned by the father of Jack Eaton and created by a Freiburg sculpture, the lone granite cross sits just 500m from the grand Nazi sculpture. Another memorial sits at the entrance to the Hofsgrund church yard, erected by the parents and thanking the locals for their help.

(Eaton’s memorial)

Eaton’s father, also named Jack, lead his own investigation into the events, going so far as to travel the route himself just days after the disaster and interview rescuers and witnesses with the help of a solicitor and interpreter. He discovered the inadequate map used by Keast and handed it over to the local prosecutor’s office, vowing not to rest until a public inquiry was held to determine how such a tragedy could have happened. Eventually releasing his own 10-page report on the events, Eaton Sr. believed that had it not been for the church bells, every boy likely would have perished. He also claimed that Keast’s “open dislike” of Germans resulted in his refusal to take any warning seriously, concluding that it would have been “degrading for him to accept a German’s word of advice”. His understandable anger towards Keast was such that he originally intended his memorial to his son to contain the words “their teacher failed them in the hour of trial”, though the local authorities refused to allow it.

No investigation of the matter was ever seriously considered and Keast returned to work at the Strand school, along with his surviving pupils, not long after. He even went so far as to plan a ski trip to Austria just eight months after the tragedy, though this was stopped after threats to the school made by Eaton Sr.

This was not a singular incident; Eaton Sr. frequently harassed Keast at the school and at his home, and often railed against older boys on the trip whom he accused of cowardice in letting harm befall the younger students. Eaton Sr.’s anger was such that he hung a sign in his shop charging Keast with his son’s death, and shouted at a student in the street for wearing the uniform of the school that had caused his son’s death. The trauma of losing his son caused him to become the tragedy’s fifth victim, dying in a psychiatric hospital after several years spent desperately fighting for justice.

Keast continued his career as a teacher, eventually moving to a different school and living in comfortable obscurity until his passing in 1971. His actions immediately following the tragedy were seemingly those of a man unable to comprehend or accept what had happened - the report given to a German investigator completely omitted the severity of warnings offered by the locals and on his return home, he went quickly on holiday to Bournemouth where he had a brief but intense romance with a teacher met there. A letter sent to her, barely a week after four of his students died, thanks her for restoring him to “whatever sanity I can hope to approach” and also makes the claim that “in spite of everything,” his time with her was “the happiest day of his life”.

The English Calamity is practically unheard of outside of Hofsgrund and Freiburg, and the official, albeit false, story of Nazi heroism made it an uncomfortable one to remember. But it is worth remembering, not least as an example of the dangers of arrogance in the face of danger.

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cockasinthebird · 5 years ago

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Spending time beneath the stars - Best Friends AU Part 1

06:08am

The sun sits grinning in the early morning sky, shining brightly down at the drowsy and utterly listless flock of students, as they stagger about with their suitcases in tow, standing in long lines to whichever bus they've been assigned to for this mandatory little adventure.

A "fun start of the year" senior trip to Hoffman Lake, to sleep in tents for 3 nights and really "rough it out" as a last hurrah before embarking on their last year in Hawkins High. Or so the guidance counselors and teachers and the principal said last Monday at the first school assembly of the year.

Yet somehow one Billy Hargrove manages to stand with a straight back, head held high, and a wide grin with perfect teeth, as he helps some poor, exhausted girls with their luggage.

They giggle at how his exposed biceps flex as he lifts up the baggage and throws it into the storage compartment, then lowers their sunglasses a bit to bash their long lashes at him and chime out a blithe,

"Thank you, Billy."

"No problem, ladies," his response near chivalrous as he gives them that panty-dropping smile he's so famous for.

And as they reluctantly step aside to keep the line moving, Tommy H shoves his way past some other poor student to get all up in Billy's face with two suitcases - his own and Carol's.

"Hey if you need any condoms on this trip, or maybe the tent alone for a bit, just say the word and I'll drag Steve off to somewhere," Tommy says with barely any discreet insinuation, nodding in the direction of the two girls who nearly trip over themselves as they stare back.

Billy chuckles and gives them a light wave, "If Harrington even shows up."

The bus leaves at 6:30, and at 6:11 there's still no sign of the aforementioned trust fund kid.

"Maybe his daddy bought him a ticket out of this trip," Tommy groans, and if Billy didn't know any better, he'd have guessed there was a hint of jealousy to those words. "Who the fuck even decides to go camping for a senior trip? In goddamn tents!"

"If you're gonna bitch and whine like this the entire trip, I'm gonna kick you out of the tent to go sleep with the mosquitoes and bears," Billy grunts out with irritation and exertion as he helps with more bags.

He's usually not known for being charitable, but getting to show off like this in front of all his lethargic peers is a bit of a rush.

Billy gets up at 5 every morning to go for a jog, preferably also a swim during summer, lift a bit of weights, take a scalding hot shower, then spend far too long on his hair, picking out the right shirt and deciding on rings. So really this is no issue at all, and by God if he doesn't flaunt that with a blindingly fresh show of teeth.

"You… You don't think there's actual bears out there, do you?" Tommy seems more awake now than ever, rubbing the back of his neck and brown eyes wide open.

"Tommy," Billy says with a stern and oh so serious tone, "Either you become useful and help me here, or you can go fuck off to your girlfriend."

"Alright geez!" Tommy takes a tone of great offense, but keeps a smile to hopefully stay friendly with Billy, then vanishes into the crowd to probably find Carol and save them all some seats on the bus, Billy doesn't care.

It takes 9 more bags stuffed underneath the bus when Billy grows too impatient and finally checks his watch - the one Steve gave him a few months ago for his birthday - and it reads 6:23.

When it ticks into 6:24, the all too familiar brown BMW drives through the parking lot, and Billy has to restrain himself from appearing too eager as he pushes through the crowd of yawning classmates, and stops up perfectly in front of the passenger seat to Steve’s ride.

In one spirited move, he opens up the car door and leans down with the most irritating, shit-eating grin, as he looks at the barely alive Steve Harrington. “Good morning, princess.”

Steve’s stare is cutting, the bags under his eyes heavy and dark, and he can’t even respond with more than a drowsy grunt; his head lolls against the seat as he sinks lower down, oh so defeated.

Out the driver’s seat jumps Ms Henderson, fresh and beaming with joy as always, no matter the hour of the day. “Oh good morning, Billy!” she chimes and walks briskly to the trunk.

“Morning Ms Claudia,” Billy responds with his undeniable charm. “Stevie here staying up too late again?”

“It’s terrible, really! Him and Dusty stayed up all night playing some new game on that Nintendo box thing!” she sighs with feigned irritation and rolls her eyes, but with a smile that definitely means boys will be boys.

“Why are you so… awake,” Steve asks rhetorically and his feet land with loud thuds onto the pavement.

With what little energy he possesses, Steve hauls his ass out of the car and stands slumped forward in front of Billy’s energetic pose, hands on his hips and a teasing smile that only adds to the irritation of the far more fatigued boy, whom frowns beneath his unkempt mane.

“You know I’m up by 5 every morning; gotta keep fit for all my admirers,” Billy laughs all too loud, and enjoys the way Steve winces at it.

Who then promptly crashes his forehead against Billy’s broad shoulder, groaning out a long, “Ssssssshut up, fuck.”

Which shocks Billy more than it probably should - they’ve been best friends for what feels like all their lives, and in those years they’ve definitely touched each other a fair share, but still, whenever Steve is the one to initiate it, there’s a pang of heartache deep in Billy’s very core, igniting something all too hopeful.

Yet he braves on, slings an arm around Steve and brings him to the back of the beemer.

Where Billy helps Claudia lift up the heavy weekend bag from the trunk, undoubtedly filled with all those thousands of products that Steve uses daily; he even carries an extra bag to PE and practice because of it all.

She thanks him breathlessly, then steers toward Steve, cups his depleted expression in her hands, and softly says, “Be safe, ok? Wear sunscreen, drink plenty of water, don’t go out too deep in the lake, and if you see a bear, pee your pants! The smell will deter it from mauling you!”

Steve nods and smiles, mumbling out a row of yes’s.

“Good, I’ll be right here to pick you up on Monday, 2pm, alright?” And with the most gracious show of maternal love, she guides him lower till she can reach his forehead, and plants a kiss there.

And Billy has to look away at that - pretends to scan the crowd for someone or something, and pushes his sunglasses further up in hopes it’ll disguise his painful jealousy of having someone love you like that, of having such a kind hearted mother figure in your life.

“Take good care of him!” she says, directed at Billy, who flashes a convincing smile, and responds cheerfully with a,

“Will do, Ms Henderson!” And he reaches out to pull Steve along. “Come on, pretty boy, or they’ll leave without us!”

“Would that really be so bad?” Steve whines and relies too heavily on Billy’s ability to keep them both upright.

“What, King Steve too good to sleep in the woods?” Billy chuckles as he drags along the suitcase, really doing all the work between them, but for Steve he doesn’t mind.

They’re the last two to board the bus, every single seat filled except for somewhere near the back, where Tommy Hagan waves one hand to ensure that the popular kids stick together, his other arm around Carol whose make-up makes her seem more awake than the way she smiles.

Billy pushes past Steve to walk in front, ready to fight even him for the window seat, and he throws himself onto the bench - scoots all the way up to make sure there’s plenty of room for Steve.

“Hey, Harrington, nice bags,” Tommy mocks like a ‘friend’ would, and points to his eyes.

“Yeah, what are those, Gucci?” Carol quips and laughs at how completely drained Steve is, as he tips his head to the side to look at them both across the way.

“Har har,” he says dryly and is quick to turn away from their jesting ridicule, only to be faced by Billy who laughs all the same. “Don’t even.”

“What?” Billy’s voice incredulous, grinning all mean, “I wasn’t gonna say anything.”

“Uh-huh,” Steve hums out in disbelief.

From the backpack he carried on for the long trip to Hoffman Lake, an hour and a half drive from Hawkins, Steve pulls out a walkman and headset. And he keeps staring straight into Billy’s wonderfully blue eyes, as he lifts up the headset and places it firmly on his ears.

“You really gonna do this to me?” Billy feigns offense as he watches how Steve’s pink lips spread in a smirk. “Just leaving me alone for the ride there?”

And without looking away, Steve turns on the walkman, the mixtape inside whirring into action, and Karma Chameleon starts playing just loud enough for Billy to hear at this short distance from where he leans against the window.

He moves his lips without words, pretending to talk.

“I can’t hear you,” Steve says, not realizing that there’s nothing being said, but notices how Billy’s chest shakes with a chuckle.

He then tilts his head backwards, eyes slipping closed, unaware - or perhaps just oblivious to the fact - that Billy keeps looking at him, admiring the view, whose heavenly gaze smooths down his seatmates weary form, to where there’s barely any space between them, thighs only inches apart from touching.

Perhaps Billy moves his leg; guiding his knee till it’s met with Steve’s own, and when the other doesn’t jerk away at the contact, they stay like that. And maybe Billy is a bit disappointed, or some semblance of it, that Steve is too tired to sit and talk with him on the ride to the camping grounds, but there’s no doubting that the two of them will be sharing a tent together for the next three nights, so they’ll find time to hang out.

Although it’s not as if they haven’t just spent nearly every hour available together during summer break, when neither of them had work or family matters to attend to, that is. Steve had spent three weeks visiting family in Italy, and Billy spent two in California, where all he thought of was Steve Steve Steve. Wonders if Steve thought about him, too.

Billy remains far off in his own thoughts as the bus starts moving, the trees outside passing by quickly, minutes ticking into eternity, songs blasting out Steve’s headset, when he feels an unexpected heat to his right.

He looks to find Steve’s head resting on his shoulder, asleep, drool threatening to drip from his slack mouth onto Billy’s naked arm. And there's an uncomfortable fluttering in his chest, all too familiar, paired horribly with an aching in his hand to hold the other's, the fresh scent of expensive shampoo intoxicating; inviting him to lean in and get a good whiff. And Billy would have, were it not for the fact that they're surrounded by loud mouthed peers, and the way Steve leans against him is already a dangerous affair.

And Steve’s cheek burns against Billy’s bare shoulder, sweaty skin on skin, making him hyper aware of every breath he feels tickle down his arm hairs. 8 years and he’s still just as sensitive to it all. It’s pathetic and embarrassing, but no one seems to notice, so maybe it’s also ok.

In the row next to them, Carol and Tommy sit just as close as Billy and Steve, albeit a bit more intimately so with their fingers laced together and Tommy occasionally pressing kisses into the ginger hair. And Billy feels jealous at that, at being able to be affectionate with the person you love so openly without fear or shame, but that’s just not meant for him.

Which he’ll hopefully someday come to terms with. Until then though, he’ll allow himself to enjoy what little he can. Like the way Steve leans against him now. With a lovelorn sigh, Billy tears his eyes from that mess of a hair and moled skin, to instead stare out into the blur of green and brown that flies by, and hopefully time will do just the same.

#Harringrove #My Writing #fluffy fluff fluff #Pining #Billy POV #Best Friends au #Childhood Friends AU #Camping #Steve Harrington #Billy Hargrove #Tommy Hagan #Carol Perkins

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contextualstudieslorena · 4 years ago

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IS BEING A PART OF THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY A TREND?

+Throughout the years’ many people are seen coming out as queer. And nowadays it is even more common to see queer characters in media as something that is becoming normalised. For example, in this early graph made by Gallup, (an American analytics and advisory company based in Washington, D.C.) we can see that the amount of people ‘coming out ‘ and identifying as a part of the LGBT community grows every year. Yet, it is seen to be more common in people who are born from 2002 to 1997, that being generation Z. After that, being Millenials, who are followed by generation X. Besides that, it can be seen that few traditionalists identify as LGBT, for a reason that I will be talking about in this essay.

We can also see in the graft that those numbers rise throughout the years. And why does this happen? Is it because Millennials and Gen Z started a new trend of being queer? Or is it because they feel more comfortable talking about issues that used to be hidden before.

Queer representation has indeed been growing a lot, if not in movies or magazines, Kids nowadays can spot a drag queen only looking through social media, or even Netflix, a Movie platform that has been seen adding a lot of queer characters to their movies and shows. If Netflix is doing a good job at bringing awareness and representation that is another conversation but compared to 10 years ago, it is noticeable that every day queer representation grows more and more.

Yet, the only place we can see this is in media, as there is not much of it in the regular history classes we have at school.

It is also important to note that kids can be very moldable. They spend more than 11 years of their life copying exactly everything they see, that being something positive or not. And that happens so often, that a boy died in Indonesia after trying to copy the fictional superhero Spider-Man. ‘Police are investigating if a five-year-old boy in Jakarta was trying to mimic Spider-Man after he jumped out a window to his death after being told he couldn’t watch the latest movie in the franchise.’. And as surprising as this can be, it shows kids and teenagers can be influenced by something so much, they will try to mimic it, which might be happening to all the Gen Z adults who grew up with media shoving down LGBT content down their throats. As well as that, they can also be following their friend’s choices to come out and can be even lying to their own selves for attention.

I could spend an enormous amount of time writing about how social media can affect peoples sexuality and gender but I’d rather do something more educating and look at the past. Where humans started coming together as tribes and living in a society, having to deal with the presence of each other and create romantic and social relationships.

When talking about same-gender relationships the queer community mentions how normal gay relationships are in nature. Petter Boeckman, Norweigan Zoologist would say that more than 1500 species of animals have been seen having some type of homosexual interaction, those not only being mammals but as Boeckman stated "We're talking about everything from mammals to crabs and worms. The actual number is of course much higher. Among some animals homosexual behaviour is rare, some having sex with the same gender only a part of their life, while other animals, such as the dwarf chimpanzee, homosexuality is practised throughout their lives." as well as that, he then compares chimpanzees to humans who identify as homosexual "If a female has sex with a male one time, but thousands of times with another female, is she bisexual or homosexual? This is the same way to have children is not unknown among homosexual people.". However, Petter wasn’t the only one who found homosexual interactions between animals, Kurt Kotrschal, a known biologist for researching these types of behaviours has confirmed that these ty pes of relationships are beneficial for the species.

I am mentioning animals not only to show that homosexuality is natural to other species but because they can be even more related to indigenous people.

Indigenous people are the ones who can be seen the most in contact with nature. They have decades of history of not having any contact with other human beings than the ones that were located in the same tribe as them, and as much as they would fight with other tribes and move around they still had their tribes, where they would create relationships in and settle their tents. They didn’t have any contact with books and science before the colonizers came in 1500 and even after that many tribes weren’t discovered by them in the middle of the Amazon forest, so many of them didn’t even get to be influenced by the Europeans and their racism and misogynistic views and homophobic religion.

The point I want to make is that indigenous people are the ones who are the closest to animals, and if they saw an animal do a homosexual interaction, they would probably see it as something that is intended to happen and not weird, as animals don’t have a perception of that is morally wrong or not. They are a part of nature, different from the Europeans who colonized them who were already influenced by the church and their extremist ideas. And as much as it would be wonderful to have indigenous people be so open-minded as they were, Colonization happened, and with that, so did a period where Europeans found the need to force their catholic beliefs on them, as well as bringing many diseases and suffering. Cieza de Leon, a chronicler of the conquest in Peru once said, and I quote ‘ Within a somewhat different framework. During the colonial years, indigenous morality changed, partly as a result of contact with the Europeans.’She also believes and argues that indigenous people had a spiritual justification for doing anal sex with their partners ( which is now seen as something Queer people are more familiar with), that being in a same-sex or straight relationship. This spiritual justification had to do with their religious beliefs. While Colonial Latin American societies would see anal sex within their own beliefs, Iberian societies would see sodomy as a way of showing male dominance.

There are not that many pieces of evidence of Queer indigenous people in history, as the colonizers would murder them and force them to stop being who they truly were. However, there’s an engraving that shows a little bit more about their experience as trans indigenous people in colonial times. In this engraving made by Theodor de Bry in 1594 as part of his Les Grands Voyages, we can see how this homophobia is well represented. In the art piece, 8 men are shown wearing noble clothes, and between them was Vasco Nunez de Balboa, a man known for being a Spanish nobleman who conquered Panama. But what is atrocious about this art piece is what is in front of them, 3 men being eaten alive by dogs after being demanded to do so by the nobleman, after being seen dressed as women. However, what is most ironic about this engraving is the way it’s presented, which plays when seeing the men standing above them. Who present themselves in a feminine way earring clothes that could nowadays be considered quite puffy and girly. This engraving is only the beginning of what queer indigenous people had to go through, of course not mentioning the amount of evidence of homophobia that was probably erased through the time. To summarize Brazil’s colonization process, the European view on lust, nudity, polygamy, cannibalism, sodomy and homosexuality which was normal to indigenous people, was considered to be against nature and gods will, and their job was to basically baptise as many natives as they wanted and shove catholic ideas down their throat.

Yves d’Evreux, a french capuchin priest delivered a highly dramatic letter, that presented his reaction on how he encountered an indigenous that could be considered a trans man. His trip to Northern Brasil (1613-1614) surprised him , as he reacted in a negative way towards them. As he wrote ‘There is, in Juniparan, in the Island, a hermaphrodite, in the exterior more man than a woman, since he has the face and the voice of woman, with fine, flexible and long hair, however [he] was married and had children (...). (d’Evreux, 1874, p. 90) he then mentions this man again, as he ran after him with the French to ‘purify his soul’ and kill him, he was then captured and chained under the fort of Sao Luis and was obliged to say the following ‘You will die for your crimes, we approve your death and I myself want to light the fuse for the Frenchmen to know and to see that we hate your evil deeds [...]: when Tupan sends someone to take your body, if you want to have in the Heaven the long hair and the body of a woman instead of that of a man, ask Tupan to give you the woman’s body and to be resurrected woman, and you will be in Heaven on the side of women and not of men. (d’Evreux, 1874, p. 232). This however is just a glimpse of what transgender people had to go through during colonial times and still to this day. The queer community is a community that is supposed to help everyone, but that doesn’t focus much on the history of indigenous people and how much they suffered.

In conclusion, as much as nowadays, people can be highly influenced by others, the LGBTQ community has been around for a rather long time and it is not something that the newest generation has made up. From the colonization times till nowadays, queer people have felt oppressed and the necessity to ‘stay in the closet’ and not be their true selves while being afraid of getting judged or even murdered by random people or even close ones. However, nowadays people have been talking more about important issues such as homophobia, sexism and racism, which is making queer people feel more comfortable Even though, they are still fighting for their rights, and they’re still in the long run, protesting for all the people who have died since Europeans somehow decided that god found their sexual choices to be unnatural and demoniac. Now, what is left for us to do is to create a healthy environment and show more representation in media every single day, so more queer people feel comfortable without having to spend their entire lives fighting and running away from who they are. Being queer is not a trend, but queer people have been being hidden from us our entire lives. They were always there, and they are always going to be there.

Bibliography:

Partal, Y., 2021. Are there gay animals in nature? Homosexuality in the animal world. [online] Zoo Portraits. Available at: <https://www.zooportraits.com/animal-homosexuality/> [Accessed 5 April 2021].

Sigal, P., 2003. Infamous desire. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, p.2.

Fernandes, E. and Arisi, B., 2017. Gay Indians in Brazil. 1st ed. Springer.

News-Medical.net. 2021. 1,500 animal species practice homosexuality. [online] Available at: <https://www.news-medical.net/news/2006/10/23/1500-animal-species-practice-homosexuality.aspx> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

New York Post. 2021. 5-year-old boy dies ‘trying to be Spider-Man’. [online] Available at: <https://nypost.com/2014/05/04/5-year-old-boy-dies-trying-to-be-spider-man/> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

Jackson, A., Thomas, M. and Steffen, A., 2021. Homosexuality Is Natural. [online] Exposing The Truth. Available at: <https://www.exposingtruth.com/homosexuality-is-natural/> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

Buchholz, K., 2021. Infographic: 5.6 Percent of U.S. Adults Identify as LGBT. [online] Statista Infographics. Available at: <https://www.statista.com/chart/18228/share-of-americans-identifying-as-lgbt/> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

Pictures:

1475. Spanish Explorer Ordering Native Indians To Be Torn Pieces By Dogs Copper Engraving 16Th Century. [image] Available at: <http://www.latinamericanstudies.org/debry-atrocities.htm> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

n.d. Two indigenous women kissing at an LGBTQ+ pride parade. [image] Available at: <http://@indigenasLGBTQ> [Accessed 9 April 2021].

n.d. Trans (We’wha (Zuni) circa 1849-1896 Mexican Indigenous woman. [image].

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massivemaleplussupplementreviews · 5 years ago

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safestsephiroth · 6 years ago

Text

FFXIVWrite #9: Hesitate - Lacina Lune

CW: Violence

The airship was little more than a shuttle, juddering in the night sky. Lacina Lune rode in the back and stared, intently, at the dossier. Practically devouring the thing in its entirety. A depiction of her target - a minor Doman noble suspected to be attempting to incite the Domans to revolt.

"So," her handler, seated across from her, said. "You see the importance of success, here. If you fail, it could mean the start of an open rebellion in a valuable province of the Empire. The Domans have known their place beneath our rule for-"

"Are you going to talk the entire trip?" Lacina looked up at him. "Your voice is not harmonious. I do not care about the why. And this-" She raised the dossier "-is the who, and the what. It does not matter if he is a farmer, a merchant, or a king. What matters is how much security he has." She tapped the page. "Fifteen guards. He hides in a building with few windows. I will pick off what I am able from a distance, and close the gap. I will not be able to slip past all fifteen, and it is therefore better to thin their numbers before engaging in direct combat."

"I... see. I was merely-"

"Please do not waste time."

His voice died in his throat, as the thrum of the engines filled the silence. The turning of a page. Again. Again. Her eyes moved rapidly, her head shifting in swift, short movements at regular intervals as they moved across the page.

"The engines require tuning. They are not in alignment. The leftmost is being overtaxed to compensate for the weakness of the right. I would estimate one thousand, two hundred malms of travel before one or the other fails completely. Depending on weather conditions."

"I... see. I will inform the mechanics upon our return. I am surprised they did not notice sooner, though."

"I am not." Another page turned. "Domans utilize swords they call 'katanas'. Curved. Deadly. Sharp. Quick. The disadvantage they have is their range."

"This is so. But I have seen them carve projectiles out of the air. I would suggest-"

"I am unconcerned by this. I will be able to move aside from such an attack. And I will be able to strike while they still recover."

"Your confidence is admirable."

"I am perfect. There is no reason to doubt myself. There is no reason to hesitate."

He cleared his throat. The air shuttle steadied, landed. He sighed in relief. "We're-"

The hatch had opened. She was already gone, the dossier left behind.

She did not care to know his name. She did not care for anyone's name but her own. Somewhere, deep down, she wondered what it was. But it didn't truly matter, in the end. What mattered was that she was perfect.

Carrying her field kit in a large case, she ascended a modestly-tall building in a couple of quick leaps. As she reached the top, she set the case down. Opened the locks. And drew, from within, her weapon. A magitek-designed scythe and long-range rifle combination.

The moon shone down upon her, and the front of the small cottage ahead and below her. She counted six guards milling about. She fell to one knee. Braced the flat of the blade against her shoulder. Lifted the weapon, raised it. Closed one eye. Held her breath, the barrel perfectly steady.

-BLAM-

The gunshot echoed, breaking the quiet of the night.

-BLAM BLAM-

Four had fallen. Two with one shot - through the head, into the heart.

-BLAM-

Five.

She dumped the magazine, swiftly replaced it. Raised the rifle - the sixth had retreated into the building.

She watched. Waited. Screaming all around.

Four samurai with katanas burst through the door of the cottage.

-BLAM-

Three. They reached for their blades, fanned out.

-BLAM-

Two - both drew their swords and, in a quick flash of light, the air itself was cut - a shockwave aimed straight for her.

She was already gone. Where had she disappeared to? The men looked around. Ran towards the building she had been atop.

The whirring of a ceruleum motor.

The first samurai looked - the blade of the scythe burned in blue flame. He froze.

-VRRRRRRRRRR-FOOOOOOM!-.

He fell to the ground, in half. The other reached for his sword.

Too slow.

His top half hit the ground first, split cleanly through the chest and arms.

Ten targets remaining.

Lacina looked around. Doors all around were getting latched shut and sealed off. She heard the telltale clicks of locks. How fascinating. They were truly afraid. How odd. None of them were her target. Why would they fear?

She ran to the doorway of the cottage - leaped to the side as a blade swung outwards, followed by the samurai behind it. He had overcommitted. A fatal mistake made in fear.

-SCHING-

The last thing he saw was impassive eyes that felt like they were boring into his soul.

A buzzing in her ear.

"An alert has been raised. I have issued a stand-down signal, but you may be having company soon while they work out the chain of command. Be advised - you are forbidden to kill any soldiers responding, but we cannot afford to have you surrender either. Our project is top-secret."

"Understood." She peered at the doorway. Smiled, a gesture that did not reach her placid, doll-like eyes. "We are approaching the final movement."

"Just get it done."

She hummed, under her breath. Stepped through the doorway. A large trapdoor held ajar in the center of the room. She stood stock still, a moment. Jerked her gunscythe to the side, aimed at the door - BLAM! - a samurai hiding behind it collapsed to the ground, screaming in agony, until another -SCHING-.

"Eight remain."

She inspected the trapdoor. Poorly-made stairs. Her eyes swiftly adjusted to the darkness. The third stair had a hairline crack, and less grime on it than the rest. A trap. She took the stairs two at a time, landing on the floor of some sort of cellar.

-SCHING- -SCHING- -SCHING- -BLAM-

"Four remain."

The bodies collapsed around her. Her head swiveled.

"You may run," she offers. "You may continue to hide. Know that you cannot escape. And you cannot defeat me. I am pe-"

-SCHING-

"-rfection."

The wall to her left swung open. A hidden door. Her target ran out, yelling at the top of his lungs, a katana raised - flanked by two other samurai, their swords sheathed - aether pulsing through them.

She spun around, her scythe swinging with her - using the momentum to cleave the target in half at the waist in a blindingly-fast motion, one she quickly reversed. Taking his head off, as well. Aether pulsed again.

Time slowed.

The two expected her to dodge. To defend herself. They were ready.

She rushed them headlong. They hesitated - their attacks would hit each other, now - one last flash of light.

Both fell to the ground.

"Targets eliminated. Returning for extraction."

Her ear buzzed again.

"Negative. Proceed to secondary extraction point. And hurry!"

She bolted - up the stairs, out of the cottage. Drew a remote from her belt - pressed the trigger. The case she had left on the rooftop exploded, eliminating all trace of its existence. She had leaped over the back fence and had slipped behind a nearby building just as the initial military response arrived.

In silence, she slipped through the shadows, making her way out of Monzen and to a secluded point in the woods a malm away. She only slowed once she had reached the shuttle and had entered into it.

"You did well," her handler remarked.

"I desire Doman music."

The scribbling of a pen. "I will submit your request on our return. You may rest, now."

She leaned back in her seat. Set aside her gunscythe. And went limp, empty eyes still staring forward.

#ffxivwrite2019 #lacina lune #final fantasy xiv #garlemald #garlean

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shadesofjanuaryblues · 6 years ago

Text

Chiberia

Chicago.

Chicago. One of the greatest cities. THE Windy city.

Also known as Chitown, Chiberia.

I live here. Not directly in the city, but about 30 minutes out west, in the most basic middle class town. It doesn’t fall into the small-town category, but it isn’t a big town either. But basically, you go to the grocery store, and there is a 43% chance of you running into someone you know.

Well, let’s start from the beginning. I’m an immigrant.

I am pure-breed, one hundred percent Lithuanian. Born and raised. Well, I guess, “halfway” raised. I came here when I had just turned thirteen. Straight into the school-year. Eighth grade.

The middle school I went to wasn’t big. Everyone knew everyone. Obviously there were the popular, the “independent” friend groups, and of course, the not-so-popular. But I’m not here to describe the social pyramid of the American school system.

All you have to know, is that I was placed in an ESL class, which was created to help out students who have a hard time with English. This helped me gain two friends, which gave me a little comfort to go through the school day without having to cry in the bathroom during lunchtime. Hell, I was glad to have someone to borrow a notebook from.

Going back to the whole ESL thing: my family stumbled into the office of the school, merely 2 months after moving here, me having absolutely zero English skills and having not formed any because I was only surrounded by my Lithuanian speaking family, we were told that I was not going to be able to repeat 7th grade, and that I was going to be placed straight into the next school year. Of course, our pale flustered faces were accompanied by my second-hand cousin, who had attended that school as well, earlier on. Anyways, they put me in a class - for immigrants. FANTASTIC resource, don’t you say? Except the biggest problem was that my ESL teacher’s second language was not Lithuanian, it was Spanish.

Now you say, “so many people go through these classes, they learn English, like even you, you’ve been here for, what, eight years already? I can’t even tell that you have an accent!”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heard it all before. Yeah, truthfully that class did help me. Not to learn English, but to complete my homework. That’s it. Meanwhile I was in an English class learning the same stuff as the other eighth graders were. History? A bunch of foreign words and gibberish. Science? Oh man, don’t even get me started. Even PE? CONSTANTLY hearing shit I did not understand. Like pacer test? Do you know how much nerve it took for me to ask a fellow classmate what the fuck that was and how do I do it? To literally make a fool out of myself with my “broken English”? Even math. Slopes, fractions, functions? I had not even heard of those terms when I got there, and in eighth grade they weren’t learning it anymore, they were perfecting it. So many hours spent by my kitchen table crying.

One advantage American kids had, was that they could ask their parents. I couldn’t.

Well, in other words I did, but they didn’t know.

And the purpose of this whole written rant isn’t for me to shit on Americans. Not at all. It’s for you, the reader to realize or relate to the struggle immigrants have to go through. And many other issues that I’ll cover later, but this would be the first.

Comes the age 15, I had befriended a fellow Lithuanian, a year earlier, who helped me ENORMOUSLY with my English. Not only the formal language, but the slang as well. This friendship was beneficial to us both, because at this point she had been living there for eight years, and having moved here at an earlier age, her Lithuanian was getting rusty.

Anyways, at 15 I started setting up my first bank deals with my parents. In person I would introduce myself as their daughter, the translator. I was learning new banking terms in English and Lithuanian on a weekly basis. By the phone, I talked on behalf of my mother, I mastered the art of lowering my voice and sounding more formal, knew my mother’s social security number by heart before I had even really looked at mine.

By sixteen I was handling most of my family’s bills, loans, car payments. I was answering most of their formal calls. Later that year my parents opened up a trucking company. With the help of some Lithuanian representatives, and myself, the company was running. I went over all of the contracts that were signed in terms of buying a truck, leasing a trailer, safety and all other regulations (not going to get into detail). Then, I got a temporary job at another trucking company in the summer solely to learn how to dispatch.

I had to learn how to dispatch so I could teach my mother. My mom’s English was still very weak at the time and she was scared to go and learn it herself.

In other words I had no choice. I spend my summer mornings waking up crabby as shit, going upstairs to make phone calls with cocky dudes with egos breaking through the roof. “Illinois to Alabama, one pick, one drop. Potatoes. 750 miles, rate 950”. See at that point I was taught to shoot double, then lower it to the most reasonable price. “Where’s the pickup? Loose potatoes? (Requires a paid wash afterwards, therefore rate should always be higher- waste of money and time), I’ll take it for 1500”, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa are you out of your mind, where have you even heard of prices like this? 1000, take it or leave it”.

Approximately 70 calls a day with one successful, if it’s a good day. Sometimes I’d be on that computer for over 10 hours.

My mom learned, she started dispatching, things got a bit easier. I only had to handle the “bigger” things. Claims, detentions and other shit like that. Stressful as hell, burned out most of my patience out by the age of 17.

At seventeen, I started rebelling. I wasn’t happy with my life, but I also felt fucking invincible. By then I had earned a bit of social acknowledgement, I guess everyone saw me as the bitch I was portraying myself to be. Reckless and bad as fuck.

Street racing, going 120 on the highway to the city and back, drinking in the forest in the car. Coordinating who’s throwing a party on what weekend, sneaking out and coming home hammered, only to sleep for a few hours and go about my day like nothing ever happened.

This lasted a whole year, shit more than that. I made a lot of good and bad memories, been places I really shouldn’t have been, but I don’t regret any of it. But guess where I ended up on Halloween night the year I turned 18?

Cuffed to the fucking wall at a police station.

Wow.

Who would’ve thought, what a surprise!

I’m not quite comfortable going into detail in writing, but if you know me then you know the story, and if not, ask me about it in person, I’ll be happy to tell you.

The one thing I want to put on the table is that it wasn’t drug affiliated, and not criminal.

However, I was facing jail time. But hey, I was lucky enough to get those charges dropped, and that was the biggest lesson I could ever have.

From that point on, I went to my court dates, reevaluated my life, and started rebuilding. I had to switch schools, which introduced me to new people, ended up cutting some off, and befriending new ones. Graduated, started going to the local community college. I was working the whole time, trying to make spending money, still helping out my parents with all the financial stuff. In college I was undecided, tried out a couple different options, they didn’t seem to work out.

Not this brings up another issue I have with the way society has been built.

HIGHER EDUCATION.

I ended up picking something I felt I had an interest in, and not what my parents thought would be good for me. I enrolled in the architecture program. I was doing great, I was able to keep my focus, I wanted to improve and was eager to learn new things. Finished off the first semester. Through sweat, sleepless nights, and tears – ended up with all A’s. That significantly brought my GPA up.

By the second semester, I was ready. I was excited, because at this point we were actually starting to be able to create. This had to be my favorite part, because I consider myself relatively creative, I constantly have random ideas flowing in my head. It’s kind of like slight madness.

Anyways, when we started, my architecture program coordinator was teaching one of the classes. By that time I had already formed a professional relationship with her, she was very helpful and gave enormously valuable advice. Every project we did, I put my heart and my soul into. There weren’t any major guidelines, yet I kept being told to simplify my work. I kept being told to change it up, almost so I would blend into the other projects hanging up beside mine. I talked to my professor, she complimented my creativity, she said she hasn’t seen this much creativity and thought in a very long time, yet I still had to change it, and simplify it.

I don’t blame her, or anyone, really, but I felt myself get more and more suppressed. I felt like I had to fit into a basic box that’s been designed by someone else. I accepted it, decided to move forward. Life is all about compromise, isn’t it?

But then, in the middle of my somewhat peaceful life…

….I found out my mom was having an affair.

It’s almost like being practically the head of the family, I finally stepped a couple steps down and within a few blinks everything went to shit.

Wow, I can’t even describe you how I felt, truly broken. Like even worse, I felt like family was ripped out of my hands.

I tend to rely heavily on friends and family, and these two really are the only thing that kept me alive throughout all those years. And just like that, it’s gone.

The day I found out, I had been driving to the mall with my mom. I was putting a song on thru her phone, when a text message came in. I recognized the number, I had asked her about it roughly 4 months ago. She told me it was nothing, just some stupid guy hitting on her, and that she blocked his number. During that car ride, looking out the window I realized that all those evening yoga classes weren’t really even yoga after all. Shit hit me hard. But what I managed to blurt out was “I’m going to pretend I didn’t see this, so that we have one good last day, and I will deal with this tomorrow”.

Fast forward over the next month or so, listening to my mother’s lies, and my dad’s psychosis trying to vent to me, I lost my mind. Actually, this time. I lost it. I dropped out of school after numerous failed attempts to show up. I would park up, get my backpack and tell myself “okay I’m going to go in one minute”, on repeat, until the class ended and I would take my ass back home, shameful and full of hatred. My anxiety and depression peaked at this point. I went to therapy, refused drugs, decided to continue going to therapy until I got somewhat stable. My friends pulled me out of the hole, forcefully, very unpleasantly, but I am eternally grateful for them. Took a very long time to heal, but I healed, I got back up, and I started moving forward.

Shortly after my father found out my mom was having an affair, he switched his life around trying to win her back. I respect him for that, however it didn’t work. The house went on sale. The house got sold. Dad (who is actually my stepdad but has been raising me since I was 3 years old), was moving in with his friend. I didn’t like that friend at all, he was an alcoholic and quite inappropriate at times. Mom? Off with her new husband. Greta with her dog and cat? Choose.

Do I want to live with someone who makes me feel very uncomfortable and is quite unpredictable?

Or do I live with the man who is the reason my family, and my life has fallen apart? Whom I, in fact, fantasized about stabbing at the time?

I said fuck you to them both. Picked up more hours at my two jobs, with the help of my dad, I rented out a 500 square foot studio apartment. I worked a fuck ton, and I mean it. From one job to another in the same day, back and forth thru the week. Paid my bills, dad helped if I came up a few hundred bucks short. My diet consisted of solely the food I could get at the restaurant I was working at. If I worked there only 4 days that week, that means I was only going to be eating those 4 days, the next three, I’d get off my other job, if the time was right I would visit someone and eat what they gave me, if not I’d literally not eat. Cigarettes were expensive and they were my priority.

Slowly my dad got back on his feet, despite his deep depression that he simply wasn’t able to understand. He started out helping out more and more, at this point I was able to save a few bucks for myself. Those bucks were spent mostly on ramen and bottom shelf wine.

A while later, I got promoted at my job. I started being a manager at the restaurant I was working at, and then slowly went into accounting.

Quit my retail job, and have been relying on shifting from manager to waitress for the past 6 months.

I would go into detail about how difficult it is to be put in a higher position as a 21 year old white woman, working with middle age white men, but that’s just a buzzkill. Everyone knows “white men run this shit” and I have a HUUUGE problem with that, but it’s fine. Not going to worry about it.

So why, after all this time, this magical city that I’ve seen my best ant my worst moments in, suddenly makes me sick to my stomach? Why can’t I stand being here?

Is it a bad case of (literally all year long) January blues? Is it all the cold and the gray? Is it all the garbage on the streets?

Downtown Chicago is like a painting you hang up on your wall. “Like, wouldn’t it be cool to be there right now?”, or “okay, this is the building I’m going to live in”. Pure fantasy, baby. You drive to your minimum wage job that you hate, you see the Chicago skyline in between the clouds ahead. All it is – a reminder that you probably will not be able to live on the 92nd floor of that building, no matter how hard you try. Some of us will try our best, but we will not achieve great things. Chances are slim, so we definitely should still try, but prepare for the worst. Life is funny, it will never go the way you want it to.

I type this from my dad’s apartment, which I moved back into, with the hopes of going back to school soon.

A few more things I want to mention while I’m here:

1. Value your family, always. No matter how dirty they do you.

2. It’s okay to hold your life on pause, to fix and reevaluate, as long as you make progress after.

3. Don’t rush to move out of your parents, you will feel lonely. Like really fucking lonely.

4. Don’t max out your new credit cards if you don’t want to be paying the bill (I’m currently still working on this)

5. Yes, these new Nike’s will make you feel like a bad bitch, but you worked 10 hours for this amount of money.

6. Don’t take a fucking 5 year loan out on a car that doesn’t hold value, shit drops value by the minute. Worst thing to ever invest in.

7. Treat your friends to lunch, and make sure they feel appreciated, even if it’s Wendy’s 4 for 4.

8. Last, but not least: don’t fucking litter please.

#chicago #januaryblues #lifelesson #tumblr #immigrant #lithuania #blog #long #text #read #story #biography #anonymous

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