#actions without words
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WHAT IF?
What if I told you? Could it be better? Will it turn everything bitter? What if I’ve been brave? Would it be enough to win you? Will I endure the sting of losing the fight for you? What if everything is just an illusion? Will you clear up my confusion? What if you will only puzzle my emotions?
#fight that would lose you from me#mixedsignals#unrequited love#actions without words#takot ma friend zone
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breaking the sign in two by how hard im tapping it
#im putting the word queerbait in a very tall box on a very tall shelf and none of you get it back until you actually learn the definition#sjonnies edits#queerbait#queer media#queer#queer issues#there are real queerbaits! a lot of them! but i am SO sick and tired of everything that's not explicitly stated be called queerbait#or when the focus in an action movie is not the full romance#would the hero and the girl have kissed in a straight action movie? sure. but even now more often than not that doesn't happen or the focus#is different entirely#the world doesn't change overnight. but you know what helps changing it? watching the media that's implying it! NORMALISING THAT MEDIA!#showing the studios that it isn't popularity suicide. encouraging actors to diversify and give them the respect they need without turning#every conversation an actor playing a queer character into what their sexuality is!#venom#deadpool and wolverine#loki#911#<- which. btw. fucking INSANE thing to say#also queer characters CANNOT be used for queerbait#QUEER CHARACTERS CANNOT BE USED FOR QUEERBAIT#they can be buried! but they CANNOT be used for queerbait because they. are. queer.
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Much has been made of Mr Darcy's "confession" to Elizabeth that he does not converse easily with strangers. It is repeatedly used to support neurodivergent interpretations of his character. And I suppose that when taken at face value, a character confessing that they do not easily converse with strangers and struggle to catch their tone or appear interested in conversation can absolutely scream AUTISM! (I say as an autistic person myself)
But this line is often taken in isolation. When considered in terms of the passage in which it appears in Chapter 31, it appears far less of a smoking gun than may initially be suspected. After some discussion about Elizabeth and Darcy's prior acquaintance in Hertfordshire, Colonel Fitzwilliam asks Elizabeth for information about Darcy's behaviour there. She readily supplies it:
'Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of,' cried Colonel Fitzwilliam. 'I should like to know how he behaves among strangers.' 'You shall hear then—but prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball—and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr Darcy, you cannot deny the fact.' 'I had not at that time the honour of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party.'
What Darcy leaves out here is that it was he himself who chose not to be introduced to anybody. As we learn from the description of his behaviour at the Meryton assembly in Chapter 3:
Mr Darcy danced only once with Mrs Hurst and once with Miss Bingley, declined being introduced to any other lady, and spent the rest of the evening in walking about the room, speaking occasionally to one of his own party.
Anyway, Elizabeth correctly does not buy his excuses. Not only does she respond with a cutting sarcastic remark, but she tries to bring the discussion with an end by speaking to Colonel Fitzwilliam:
'True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ball-room. Well, Colonel Fitzwilliam, what do I play next? My fingers wait your orders.'
But Darcy does not get the hint and continues conversing with Elizabeth rather than quitting while he's ahead. However, I don't believe him to be missing a social cue here. Rather, this is an exceedingly conceited man who cannot conceive that anyone would not want to speak to such a Superior Being as he and more-so, is determined to defend himself from a perceived slight against his impeccable character.
Then we come to the passage containing the oft-cited line which allegedly contains proof of his neurodivergency:
'Perhaps,' said Darcy, 'I should have judged better, had I sought an introduction; but I am ill-qualified to recommend myself to strangers.' 'Shall we ask your cousin the reason of this?' said Elizabeth, still addressing Colonel Fitzwilliam. 'Shall we ask him why a man of sense and education, and who has lived in the world, is ill-qualified to recommend himself to strangers?' 'I can answer your question,' said Fitzwilliam, 'without applying to him. It is because he will not give himself the trouble.'
Once again, Elizabeth does not buy his excuse for even a single second. She's fully aware of all the advantages a man such as he will have received in society (opportunities not open to women, might I add!) and draws attention to that fact. It's a brilliant, cutting line from her and she really set that one up for Colonel Fitzwilliam to deliver the knockout blow.
Not only do we have the testimony of Mr Darcy's cousin, that 'he will not give himself the trouble,' to appear cordial to strangers, but we have evidence from Wickham too. Although after this statement, Wickham quickly goes onto misrepresent Darcy's kindness to the poor, which contradicts Mrs Reynold's later testimony, I do believe Wickham to be telling the truth (for once!) here, when he tells Elizabeth in Chapter 16:
'Mr Darcy can please where he chooses. He does not want abilities. He can be a conversible companion if he thinks it worth his while.'
Which, again, demonstrates that Darcy is capable when he wants to be. That is the crucial point. Autistic people fundamentally lack the ability to understand social cues, they cannot turn it on and off as they please because they are snobs.
So, now we come to the infamous line about Darcy's supposed social struggles, and I hope that I've provided enough context to the line to make you see that it should not be taken at face value:
'I certainly have not the talent which some people possess,' said Darcy, 'of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done.' 'My fingers,' said Elizabeth, 'do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I will not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman’s of superior execution.'
Again, Elizabeth is not buying his excuses for even a single second and tells him if he feels like that, maybe he should put the effort in. She has seen him in numerous social settings and been thoroughly unimpressed with his behaviour which, when you consider his rudeness to her at the Meryton assembly, she has every right to be.
So, what do I make of the line?
Well, I think it's abundantly clear that Darcy absolutely can speak to people when he wants to. Perhaps, in his mind, he struggles to make that deeper connection and make friends easily. But making friends is not always easy, it's a process you must invest time and effort into. If you do not do that, it stands to reason that you will struggle. Plus, if you hold others to ridiculous standards (as Darcy does) without recognising and fixing the flaws within yourself, you're not going to have deep, lasting friendships.
While this quote may appear to be a moment of vulnerability where he does confess a fault of his, which is astounding given his pride, personally I do not think it was not a soul-searching exercise. It was to make Elizabeth stop grilling him. It was self-serving. Although, I don't think he's entirely lying. Darcy is veeeery careful with his words and though this statement is not considered and perhaps comes out rather abruptly, it doesn't necessarily follow that it isn't true. I can imagine that it is probably something he's felt for a while, yet it is a rather desperate attempt to defend himself from a woman who sees right through him.
I think perhaps Darcy does realise that he isn't as naturally gifted as other men he knows (such as Wickham, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr Bingley) when it comes to forming acquaintances. However, he looks outwards and turns that bitterness against the world rather than looking inwards, reflecting upon himself and improving his manners which would be the correct thing to do. Thankfully, he later does this, but it took him twenty eight years...
In addition, Darcy appeared to have been under the illusion that he could coast by on Pemberley's reputation... which has always worked... until he met Elizabeth. For perhaps the first time, he encounters a woman who is not awestruck by him and his reputation and delivers the rebuke that he always needed.
So, while personally I'm inclined to believe there is some truth to his statement, as Mr Darcy is many things but he isn't a liar, I think it is said in desperation. His feeling stems from him knowing what he should do, but he can't be bothered to enact it... rather than any inherent social deficiency stemming from being neurodivergent.
Although, even if he does struggle socially, it's still no excuse for the rudeness he displayed to Elizabeth! My main issue with neurodivergent readings of Darcy is when they are deployed to defend his behaviour, when they attribute his rudeness to any potential neurodivergency and when they excuse his laziness. That is an awful message! Autistic people who struggle with social cues often do not, nor should they, go around insulting others. They should and often do put plenty of effort into being considerate and polite. In fact, I think, if anything, a love of rules makes us more likely to have good manners, rather than the reverse.
Ultimately, I'm not sure this line makes Mr Darcy the sympathetic-poor-sweet-innocent-shy-boy-autistic-representation that people want him to be. In fact it makes him look even worse, if anything. On matters such as these, he is every inch the conceited proud man he was widely believed to be at the Meryton assembly. Luckily, Elizabeth is an incredibly smart woman, who doesn't fall for it and immediately calls him out on his behaviour in a way that he has never experienced before. As she should!
#mr darcy#pride and prejudice#jane austen#elizabeth bennet#colonel fitzwilliam#mr wickham#my analysis#nd things#let darcy be flawed you cowards#<- but we don't necessarily need to pathologise him lol#now i'll whisper quietly in the tags lest the ableist sections of the austen fandom tear me limb from limb#(not saying EVERYONE who disagrees with nd readings of some of darcy's behaviour is ableist just some ways it's countered are... Not Great)#that i don't actually MIND nd!darcy headcanons when done WITHOUT a view to excusing his behaviour#and being clear that it is NOT what the author intended but. autistic boys get away with murder even today so it isn't hard to imagine that#especially with someone with as much wealth and status as darcy... his worst traits could've gone unchecked for so long#but he main reason i don't inherently have an issue with nd!darcy is because nd people existed back then but we weren't accommodated#i get that if he was nd there is an argument the narrative is just about him learning to mask but... a) the concept of masking didn't exist#and b) if he was a woman he'd have had to do it long before 28 sooooo. let the big boy face consequences for his actions!#i think there's something in darcy interpreting his fathers advice so literally with no room for nuance#that it leads him down that path of conceit when he's not actually a bad man at his core and never has been#bc that's very black and white thinking which makes me wonder... but on the whole i'm not sure#i'm not saying either way and ultimately it doesn't matter but it's fun to consider#within reason ofc... it's comforting to see evidence of autism in classics it's one of my FAVE things#but not sure darcy is the best example of this#if you want autistic characters in p&p mr collins and mary are RIGHT THERE lmao#but perhaps they are even worse representation so maybe not lmao#anyway wanted to make this post for a while and the Words came to me today so yay#also i didn't mention adaptations but they don't help... especially A Certain One but i've moaned enough about it for one week#and not in a fun way
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Lu Guang is great because he is filled with so so much love and devotion that it’s almost painful and he looks like this about it -> 😐
#and then he does the most insane actions without actually expressing that in words#I really do like that the characters seem to know he cares a lot without him having to be openly affectionate though#tbh it’s nice that they just like him so much and know that he likes them#but cxs may know this but I don’t think he or anyone fully understands the extent#of the insane lengths he will go to. for him specifically#it’s tough to have such a largely inexpressive and introverted character against two very silly extraverted ones who wear their hearts#on their sleeves and have his characterization shine through#but his steadfastness towards them both and supportive gestures really shine through in s1 even and it’s just. idk. nice to see#and then you get fucking sledgehammered by all his feelings in bridon arc. sad wet cat with his claws out#link click#sgdlr#lu guang#Lu Guang you fascinating mystery. I love that the only thing I have ever been able to be certain about with you since s1#is how much you care about cxs#storyrambles
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Also I may have fallen into a Star Wars shaped hole. I need help yall. Specifically I need anything Darth Vader redemption arc (but he keeps the suit) shaped thing to help me out of said hole. (They always give him skin I want that man Crispy)
Anyways, got dragged kicking and screaming into Star Wars as a whole by, of all things, DarthFett! (Aka darth vader x boba fett). Which is unsurprising as helmeted badasses with more mental illnesses between them than the entire internet is a Very fun ship concept.
Anyways, take my poorly photo’d sketches






Also, shoutout to the Ao3 fic Armor Black and Beautiful by DaughterOfDungeonBat as it’s what primarily captured me into liking the ship.
#my art#star wars#darth Vader#boba fett#darthfett#vaderfett#gotta love sister tags that r legit the same thing dif words#also I drew None of these with references#like how I drew boba fett at first but way prefer how I draw Vader now#photos Are in chronological order of when I drew em#last is most recent and furthest time wise from rest. you can kinda tell#also. vaders cape is Very Fun to draw. giving him the Batman creatureTM style fr fr#Vader my beautiful mushroom head man. entirely undrawable helmet without reference#I need to stare at boba fett ref’s ngl. or buy an action figure of him. one or the other
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I feel like 43 (piggy back ride) and 49 (leaning on the other for support) would pair with each other SO well 🤗☺️
A little scene prompt game to get me writing!
[43: piggy back ride + 49: leaning on the other for support]
—
“Come on, Buck,” Eddie grits out, as loudly as he can to be heard past the mask over his face and the roar of the flames a few floors above them, “come on, four more flights, we can do it,”
Buck just lets out a pained laugh, tightening his hold across Eddie’s shoulders—he’s been losing his footing more frequently and Eddie’s getting increasingly worried that they’re not going to make it to the ground level.
Eddie has been feeding him a litany of come on let’s go you’ve got it almost there the entire descent from the collapsed 11th floor, and at this point he’s not sure whose benefit it’s for.
The next time Buck stumbles, it’s on the landing between the third and fourth floors, and it’s accompanied by a weak, “Ed-Eddie, I can’t, I—,” before he pulls Eddie with him as he’s bracing against the wall and sliding down to the floor.
Eddie crouches in front of him, grasping the sides of his head, trying to get a better look through Buck’s cracked face mask.
“Buck—Buck! Hey!” Eddie gives him a frantic shake, “Hey, look at me, bud—yeah, that’s it, let me see those eyes,”
“Eddie, I’m—,” Buck cuts himself off with a cough and a harsh swallow, pupils visibly different sizes, “I can’t, I can’t—I’m so dizzy, Eddie, I can’t,”
Adrenaline zips down Eddie’s spine, hands tingling with it where he’s holding Buck’s face, separated only by the barely-functional protective gear, “Hey. Yes you can—Yes you can! Come on, we’re so close, we can swap masks for the last few flights—,”
Predictably, Buck interrupts him with a severe look—one that’s undercut almost immediately by the weak push to Eddie’s chest and slight slur of his voice—saying, “No. No, Eddie, not a chance,”
”Buck,” Eddie tries, again, like he has every other flight since floor 11, “I’m not the one with the concussion. Please—,”
“Diaz, Buckley—what’s your status,” Bobby’s voice crackles over the radio.
Eddie takes a frustrated breath before keying his radio, “Over three-quarters down, Cap. I can get us there, but Buck’s in pretty rough shape,”
Buck glares at him weakly through the crack splitting his mask.
Eddie glares back.
“Copy,” Bobby says, strain in his voice evident even through the radio, “IC is still adamant on personnel evac, they’re not permitting new entry unless both of you are compromised, the upper floors are too unstable. But we’ve got the best of the best waiting for the two of you by the eastern stairwell door,”
“Understood,” Eddie says, “Tell Hen and Chim they’ll see us soon,”
”We’d better,” Hen chimes in.
When the channel chirps closed, the only sound Eddie can hear is his own breathing inside his respirator as the two of them look at each other. Eddie gives them to the count of five in his own head before he’s saying, “Come on, Buck, time to go,”
Eddie pulls Buck up roughly, only for his limbs to ragdoll so quickly that Eddie ends up dropping harshly on his knees to be able to throw a hand out to keep Buck’s head from hitting the railing on his way back down.
To his horror, he can see tears spring to Buck’s eyes—ones that he’s sure have nothing to do with the smoke.
“I—I can’t, Eddie, I—,” Buck’s voice trembles, fumbling to grasp at Eddie’s turnout sleeve, “it’s spinning, and it hurts so—hurts so bad I can’t see,”
Concussion symptoms: loss of motor control, dizziness, pain, mood dysregulation.
Something above them crashes and roars.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Eddie tries, dipping down to press the front of his helmet to the top of Buck’s for a frantic moment, “I’ve got you, man, okay? I’ve got you,”
“Okay,” Buck nods against him, shakily, “Okay, you’ve got me,”
It very quickly becomes clear that Buck will not be able to hold himself up enough to simply lean on Eddie like before, so Eddie reconfigures.
Despite the weak protests, he manhandles Buck forward so he’s seated on the top step off of the landing. Eddie positions himself a step down with his back to Buck’s chest, and heaves the increasingly limp form behind him onto his own back.
There’s a muffled groan over his shoulder when he hoists Buck into a better position after standing, his own body screaming in response. But stand he does, and step by step, flight by flight, they move.
Almost like a mantra or a prayer, Eddie finds himself immediately falling back into the teeth-gritting promises of I’ve got you I’ve got you I’ll get us there I’ve got you all the way to the ground floor—and they’re promises he intends to keep.
[now posted on ao3!]
#forcing myself to start in media res and to let these finish without like. a whole arc. cnvjfjfjc#ITS HARD. I CANT SHUT UP#more of an action-y scene than a character scene like the first one#anyways this one was like 200 words longer than my first one which does not bode well for me gjfjdjf#shyaudacity#buddie#buddie ficlet#iinryer fic
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you can "they're just bro pal besties" at me all day long, but if one of them was a woman they would have kissed by now
#i feel like this is a common thing like#if i explained their actions and words and exchanges to you without gendering them#youd be asking me when they're getting together#buddie
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Nothing can describe the way my heart shattered when Arthur asked if Dutch was going to go look for him after he was kidnapped by Colm in chapter 3- all he got was a "Oh of course, son" in the most pitiful, unassured tone of voice I'd ever heard from Dutch.
The three of them had set up a meeting point at "the fork in the road" if the O'Driscoll parlay went south, Arthur seemingly disappeared and didn't return for another day or so until he was physically crawling trying to get back to camp, and still nobody questioned where he was?
Yes, it's typical for Arthur to wander and find his own way home after missions, but the key word is AFTER. Arthur disappeared DURING the meeting and didn't regroup at the designated rendezvous point AFTERWARDS.
Especially dealing with the likes of the O'Driscolls, wouldn't that ring some kind of alarm? If not from Dutch or Micah, then wouldn't anybody else at the camp question it?
I imagine an (exaggerated) conversation like this probably happened if anyone at camp asked:
"Hey Dutch how was the meeting with the O'Driscolls?"
"It went fine we talked a bit then they left suddenly so weird"
"Where's Arthur then?"
"Oh I don't know we didn't see him after we split up for the meeting haha probably wandered off again typical Arthur"
God, if you're going to treat Arthur like the gang's workhorse, then act like you care about him at least.
Arthur is strong, but he isn't invincible.
#the times that the gang have called on arthur for missions because he's their 'insurance' makes me so sad for him#sure he doesn't really mind helping out but it's just reinforcing the idea that arthur = unkillable#and the gang kind of take advantage of it without really realising#sigh I could talk more but I'm tired#this game is so good#arthur morgan#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#no spoilers please#liveblogging#yes dutch apologised but his actions spoke louder than his words#blessed are the peacemakers#mick rants
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before i go do smth else like smth i think abt often but was thinking abt a few hrs ago in particular is how the circus easily tricks the audience into thinking the circus would be Better Than Real Life. when i think from literally almost any angle you examine it its just as bad (if not worse, depending on your own problems)
i think theres like so many problems its hard to even list them all. some of it is personal taste things. cus i think a lot of people think itd be fun because they enjoy specific aesthetic choices in the circus, or bc of other interest related things. but like. what about people who HATE bright colors. what about people who dont like the idea of not being human. what about people who dont enjoy things like roleplaying. some aspects of the circus are only even appealing to specific tastes in things, making one of the few 'draws' of it not really even being a universal thing
and thats the superficial stuff. because more importantly, if you dont like the real world (for whatever reason), the circus may provide a temporary solution to that, because its so far removed from reality. but i think the circus is way smaller than people realize. theres definitely always going to be things to see since caine can always make things, but its just as limited if not more than the real world, because while the world grows and changes, genuinely new things are created and discovered and stuff. caine will never really get to see that, let alone recreate it for the players- and even then, it still isnt actually that thing. that doesnt even factor in that caine is already operating on limited knowledge of the real world. its not clear how detailed he can get on things, since the accuracy can vary (spudsys being so accurate to the real world, vs the dinner in ep 1 being so flat and lacking almost any detail), but theres a good chance that anything he makes is going to be limited to, at the most, a CONCEPT from the real world, if theres nothing in the real world you like, thats still all youll get, just in a different way.and if you DO like things from the real world, youll never get to truly reexperience it (even if caine remakes it, youll know its not the real thing, and it wont be 100% how you remember it, either)
then theres the safety/pain/horror aspect to what caine makes. i think because there hasnt been gore or anything its easy to assume the circus is still tame, and that anything bad that happens cant be TOO bad. but this is NOT true at all. the teaser of the show establishes that even when caine is not going for horror, he still hurts the players. theres things thatd be physically horrifying to a person like getting possessed, theres physical pain (i see it debated but i think its clear that even if they were to experience less pain, they still DO experience pain, but thats a different topic) or extreme discomfort, theres psychological torment (the exit doors are genuinely very cruel even if that wasnt caines goal, what ep 4 did to jax and gangle. kinger getting taunted in ep 3, etc). its all survivable but even if you like them caine isnt trustworthy enough in this way to never do smth horrific to a person, or cause it through his actions
then theres the complete lack of autonomy, which imo is one of the most frightening things about the circus. bc unless your tastes are always aligning with the exciting, completely family friendly existence of the circus, and you never deviate even a little, you are going to be barred from any semblance of it. its best illustrated in how pomni HATES being touched but caines always prodding her and moving her places and stuff, and in how zooble is denied the option to opt out of adventures even when they state they want to directly by episode 4 implying the choice to even have time to yourself is deeply conditional (plus, the whole lack of an exit entirely meaning that even if you liked the circus, the lack of option to leave would still affect a person. youre getting locked in a big room for the rest of time and youll never get to leave). and also this post
and THEN you factor in the social aspect. because regardless of how you prefer socializing if at all, the circus is a nightmare. if you dont like people, thats great! you dont NEED to be anyones friend! except that you are going to be forced to interact with them eventually, and when you do its going to be repeated. its not gonna be once. and once caine notices hes going to bother you about it. forever
alternatively, if you DO like social interactions in any way, no matter what, if its not you, youre going to see others abstract. you are going to inevitably watch those you care abt struggle and eventually get stuck in a state that Seems Extremely Horrifying To Experience forever. its long and drawn out and itd suck and it wouldnt happen once
then is the easy to forget fact that if you have psychological problems they can and WILL follow you to the circus. gangle and zooble are the biggest examples of this. the circus didnt get rid of their problems, they just gave it a new, horrifying inevitable consequence. i sometimes fall victim to looking at the circus and assuming that ohhh i wouldnt have this problem! because i wont have to deal w it getting set off! but like... yeah i would. i wouldnt stop having this or that in the circus id just have to deal w it while ALSO going on adventures
theres many things. you cant truly eat you cant die you dont get to decide anything when you do die it seems terrifying to experience and youll be stuck in some level of that forever and anything you enjoy is not with you and anything you dont enjoy will follow you too to some degree and the list goes on and on
all this said i dont think any of this is an indicator that the characters lives are meaningless or smth just because it sucks. theres a reason gooseworx has said that the takeaway from the show should be that theres meaning to be found in a stagnant life. theres still meaning in their existence and i dont think its as hopeless as it may seem- but i think its still BAD. and tbh the idea that its worse only HELPS that theme of the show!!! i dont think itd hit as hard as a theme if the circus DIDNT suck
#tadc#being stuck w a person like jax is its own problem i think its easy to think youd be an exception to his actions#but it feels very unlikely#the man is a canonical 4chan user. he is going to be mean to you unless youre willing to physically harm others with him too#BUT! yeah#idk how well i worded this ive been struggling to type it for a minute bc im high#but its like... idk the circus is very horrifying to me and i dont think a lot of the themes plot pts characters or character arcs#would land nearly as well if the circus wasnt as bad as it is#it highlights very well written aspects of the characters that wouldnt feel as notable if the circus was fine#like for example without an understanding of how terrible it is. why pomni wants to leave so bad can get muddled#anyway i just think abt this a lot the teaser is certainly not canon in its events#but it still highlights how terrifying caines actions can get for the players#theres a reason even kinger who has a very healthy (as far as i can tell) mindset abt it all still struggles immensely#i fall for sometimes thinking the circus might be nice to be in but the thing is once i think abt it anymore im like#ohhhh god thats horrifying i dont want that#sorry if any of this doesnt make sense. ill reread it later but for now i wanna go do literally anything else#but type long drawn out sentences and paragraphs in a cohesive way#ask to tag#OH ALSO. smth i think abt a lot is the idea that the circus can and will infantilize you. which would be miserable. but i dont have it in m#rn to elaborate further on that pt but its part of a bigger thing in the show that#feelss intentional and potent. maybe ill talk abt it later#circus discussion
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Translation notes for Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu / Our Youth ep 3
I just realised that I didn't make a note about the title itself, Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu, which very loosely and literally would be 'Not of age: The clumsy progress of the immature us' Note: While not of age would mean minors, but I preferred 'not of age'
By the time I realised it, I had already entered the sea where you were waiting Note: A different translation uses "when I had come to my senses", which I think fits the underlying meaning that when it comes to Haruki, Jin finds himself acting before he can think things through.
Aren't kissing and liking someone different?
But this guy is different (i.e. he's not a virgin)
Are you an unexpected late bloomer?
Ah, he's left Dotei kun (which translates to Mr. Virgin)
Haruki: Can I bring DVDs and go to your house again? Jin: That's fine, but I'm gonna be studying. H: Yay! Next time, I'll bring lots that you might like. H: Once in a while, don't study; let's watch movies together. J: Next time. H: I'll bring them again!
I absolutely need it (the deodorant spray), so I'll go right now. Wait for me
If there was someone, they'd just be a hindrance Exaaaactly We're fine with how things are Note: All men do is lie lol
Note: Unlike everyone else, she refers to him by his first name, Haruki, rather than his surname, which suggests a fairly close relationship.
What? Oh, it's just that here we are, pursuing our studies every day and there he is living so carefreely.
Something must be wrong with you if you choose to do something like enter stormy/rough seas Note: Interestingly, the verb for to be stormy/rough can also mean to be ruined, which is something that Jin has been warned to be careful about
For some reason, I can't leave you, who can't swim and is being swept away without any resistance, alone
By the time I had realised it, my hand had already reached out to you.
#note: i am choosing not to do notes for things that the side characters say if they aren't relevant to the plot or the leads#i love the whole repetition of certain ideas and words. like how water is clean but the sea is dangerous or how jin's subconscious#dictates his actions so he ends up doing things without thinking when it involves haruki#yes i am trying to catch up. no i am definitely not gonna be done in time for ep 6 BUT I'm closer than I was this time last week!!#miseinen#our youth#miseinen mijukuna oretachi wa bukiyo ni shinkochu#language my love my pain
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from "how much do you love me today?"
to, instead, "how much do you hate me today?"
its not about love anymore. it's about hate.
#wild life smp spoilers#wlsmp spoilers#life series#trafficblr#traffic smp#wild life smp#shiny duo#gempearl#traffic series#traffic life#//#they both have different flavours of hatred#gem's very open about it. explicitly vocal. i hate you. i hate you a lot. i hate you so much.#pearl's hatred is different. it's more subtle. “you love me right?” she says while holding a blade behind her back.#while taking every opportunity to kill gem. she says she wants her to love her but her actions prove otherwise.#her actions say “i hate you too.”#her hatred is physical.#words vs actions...#gem's vocal hatred without physicality vs pearl's physical hatred without vocality... augh#they hate each other in such different flavours <3
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You know I really love how Squid Game pushes it's scenes so far that it makes you feel that sense of urgency and distress that the characters feel. It can easily happen that if a scene goes on for too long for the purpose of keeping you in suspense that it then gets boring or annoying. But that never happens in Squid Game. Some scenes are incredibly long, especially the games, I know I got so stressed out watching Dalgona for the first time because the scene just would not end. But that's exactly what the length of that scene is supposed to do for you. Often when you are feeling a lot of anxiety or are in a moment of intense stress everything around you can feel slower. Like time takes longer to pass. Especially when you have a time limit and still need to concentrate and not make any mistakes. And in my opinion Squid Game conveys that perfectly. The games, they drag on even though a game itself is often not that long. Red Light, Green Light has a timelimit of 5 minutes. That's so little!! But they make you feel every damn second of it while watching. I'm not sure if the actual scene was longer than 5 minutes, but it probably was. But they don't cut out stuff. Often when things happen over a span of time in shows and movies they don't add in parts where not much happens and just cut to the part that's interesting again. But in Squid Game because it is life or death and because of how anxiety can make you feel like time is passing slower every moment for the players feels so long and every moment is important. And that's what I really love in how they made the show. Because yes scenes may be going on for a long time. But they're showing you in the most realistic way possible how the players experience these moments. Add to that that there's almost no added in music like pop songs and in general there's not that much background music either. Because it would just take you out of the intensity of the scene, seperate you from the character's point of view. So a lot of scenes are very quiet in the way that every sound you hear is also a sound that a character inside the show is hearing too. Squid Game, just in the way it's made and filmed and in how long scenes take, is made to be so realistic and wants you to feel as closely as possible to what the characters themselves are feeling too. I really love this way of making a show
Btw I made this post because I realized that this doesn't just happen in the games but also outside of them. When Gi-hun is searching for the recruiter we get a montage of all of them searching, the days passing and Gi-hun ripping off pages from his calendar, but even here that montage takes longer than a montage to show the passage of time usually takes. Because it is long. They can't show us every day of Gi-hun just searching again and again but they can sure make us feel like we've just watched that. And you start out watching it thinking "oh they're gonna show us them finding him in like the next 30 second" but they don't. And there's one point where you think the montage is over but then it isn't. And you get frustrated watching it because "why can't they find the recruiter already?? This is taking so long" and that's Exactly how Gi-hun is feeling in that moment. They drag it out, they show you so much of everybody just searching and days passing and they Want you to be annoyed, because then you're really getting it. You're really getting how fucking long it took to find the Recruiter and what a painfully and annoyingly slow and exhausting process it was. And that's just another way that this show is so damn amazing!!! Because it's so fucking good at making you feel exactly what a character is feeling!! They're not just telling you "oh yeah this took long but they did it", no. They're Showing you exactly how long it took.
And suddenly we've arrived at one of my favorite story telling rules which is "show, don't tell" and I think Squid Game applies this rule really really well
(I have more rambly thoughts under the cut that have a little bit to do with this post but focus on another part of it. Also if the structure of this post feels weird that's probably because I had many different thoughts and just kinda put them where I felt they fit in best so idk, I have a hard time rereading stuff I've written so sorry if the flow of it feels off)
Tbh I think it might also be a little bit why the show appeals to so many people and why so many people go and participate in Squid Game the Challenge or that Mr Beast shit. With the way Squid Game is made and filmed to be so immersive it has the power to give the viewer that same rush of adrenaline that the players inside the show feel. But us viewers sit at home and we know we are safe and so we want more of that adrenaline. It's maybe kind of like Bungee Jumping. You get that rush, that thrill of "holy shit I'm Falling", but you know you're safe. You're doing something you would otherwise only experience right before death. And obviously that is what Squid Game the Challenge is like, because being in it you know if this was real, as in real the way it is real in the show, then you'd be very close to death at any given moment. But you're not. Because you don't die if you fail. But you still get that thrill because of that association with death without actually having to be afraid of it. And that's when it gets fun. And while I don't think that this was intended the show is partly also as popular as it is, Because just by watching it you get a little bit of that adrenaline that's fun for you because you know you're safe
Also another thought about the 'show, don't tell' point of it all. There's not that much talking happening in Squid Game. Like people obviously speak to each other but often there are also long periods of time where nobody is speaking at all. But that doesn't matter because this show is so good at showing us everything that is important without much words needed. I'm pretty sure you could watch it without sound or subtitles and still get most of the plot of it. And that's really impressive
#i think a lot of media is afraid of being boring#so they shorten scenes that take longer to make them not feel so long#it's kind of a relief for the viewer#yes this character went through those incredibly tense 10 minutes but don't worry it'll be only 3 minutes for you#you get to see the star some of the middle to show you that stiff actually happens and then the end where they are finally done#but don't wory we won't make you sit through ten minutes of quiet just watching this character trying to accomplish a task without much els#happening#that would be boring#any then you are the viewer are nicely out#but#those actions scenes oh you'll get 30 minutes of action with people beating each other up when realistically they would have probably only#been able to fight for maybe like 5 minutes before they're done#i like that too about squid game#there's not much hand to hand combat (beside the lights out extra games) but when there is it takes a realistic amount of time#and i also feel like (i've not actually been in any fights like that lol but i'm assuming) fighting always goes by really fast in like#how you percieve it#you don't have time to think you just do and you move and then it's over and you don't remember half of it because it happened so fast#especially compared to those high stakes moments where you have to be really careful and be smart while still being threatened with death#if you make one mistake#that Feels a whole lot longer then#anyways idk where else i want to go i just really like how long scenes are in squid game without ever being boring#especially Because it is to convey time perception and the stress a character feels properly#lea's random thoughts#squid game#squid game analysis#also i feel like i just understood 'show don't tell' on a deeper level#cause while they still only visually showed us the time passing#if they had done that in a way where for examply gihun is only crossing of days on his calendar until the day where they find the recruiter#then that still kind of would have been just 'tell' because they're saying 'look time has passed' only without words#but showing it to us (which is what they did) is actually making us feel like time has passed
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Some of Tee and Ja'Marr's thoughts on the Tee Situation
Tee said to me 'right now I get to play with one of the, if not the, best quarterbacks in the game, I get to play with one of, if not the, best wide receivers in the game, that opens up so much more for me.' And then he said 'this offense is designed for so many different players to be spotlighted, the way that I am used in this offense so plays to my strengths.' And then he said to me, 'can you guarantee I can have that exact situation anywhere else?'
....
So do I think he's taking a home discount? No. But I do think that he is very very smart, he sees the whole picture out there...
....
It's very easy to compare this situation to what Ja'Marr had at LSU with Joe Burrow and Justin Jefferson. And Ja'Marr has said Tee is very different than Justin Jefferson. That every single minute with Justin Jefferson was a competition. That everything was who makes the more dynamic catch, who has more catches in practice, who runs faster? Everything was that way. Ja'Marr had to speak up and demand the ball a lot at LSU, because so was Justin. Ja'Marr told me that he doesn't have to do that in Cincinnati because Tee, and this is a quote from Ja'Marr, is one of the most unselfish humans you'll ever meet.
#VERY VERY INTERESTING STUFF#also fuck evan this guy is so annoying he KEPT interrupting her through her whole segment and then smiled all condescending like#'what about the money you idiot woman'#and it's like YES the money IS a good point#this could easily all just be talk from tee and ja'marr#because tee DOES deserve all the money he can get#he DOES also deserve the chance at being WR1 if that's what he wants#(he has always done well as WR1 when ja'marr is out/hurt)#so like yes. those are important caveats.#that can definitely be talking points without evan's annoying ass comments and interruptions and looks#(like dude are you not also just some sideline reporter? no need to act like you're better than aditi. BUT WHATEVER)#very interesting considerations! that tee is aware of all the good of his current situation#and may not want to change it at all??#again. could just be saying shit. actions speak louder than words and all that#but the action of dropping your agent (who has the BEST track record of getting guaranteed money) only to go to the agent of the guy#who the front office is going to try to leverage your negotiations against#is like. well. that feels very very deliberate!!#that these two are going to put up a united front. to try to do their best to stay together AND get paid.#which sounds too good to be true tbh!#and then ja'marr comparing his relationship with justin and his relationship with tee!!#both important relationships! both beautiful connections!#and like. justin and ja'marr NEEDED that kind of relationship in college#one of support and competition. pushing each other to be their best. so that they could come into the league#and break all these records almost immediately#and then now a more settled relationship with tee. calmer softer maybe.#that post about how important relationships that let you REST are#man. man. i could go on forever about all of this but this is already too much!!!#tee higgins#ja'marr chase#cincinnati bengals
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Queer as Folk – 3.06: One Ring to Rule Them All
#britin#queer as folk#cinematv#filmtvcentral#userthing#smallscreensource#userstream#dailyflicks#tvarchive#filmtvtoday#usersource#mlmsource#usergay#we as a society do not talk about this scene enough!!!#brian just instantly knowing justin is upset and even though it's not his place to comfort him anymore he still cares and is his friend#so he closes his eyes takes a deep breath and puts his game face on and goes over to offer some company#yes he still takes his chance to reiterate the hollowness of romantic gestures sometimes they are just pretty words and gifts#without the actions to back them up#brian might not say the words but his actions speak for themselves#3x06#my gifs
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WHY IS ALL THE SMUT I WRITE SO DAMN LONG!!!!!!
#'short project' I say to myself#'writing mechanical actions without making it complicated' I say to myself#AND I'M LYING#I need to go back to 100 word drabbles. this 10k tonight shit is starting to get out of hand!!!!!!!!!!!!#the things I do for the Characters. man.
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'Next year. In Yavin." 😭
#they are so... tender with eachother even without overt words and actions. I was almost waiting for Mon to hug him :(#that said. I don't think Bail would curse. it just doesn't seem his style#andor#mon mothma#bail organa#long long ago in a galaxy far far away
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