#ai is getting too advanced

[koa-z]

good gosh how could I possibly say no to that

[m1ckeyb3rry]

what really fries me about people who use chatgpt on their homework in my classes is they get the wrong answer and then they text me and i tell them how to do it and they’re like “😱😱 how did you know how to do that ??” well maybe if you opened the slides instead of rushing to jerk off ai you would’ve realized that the professors tell you how to do what they want you to do 😭😭 you dumb fucks FKDKDNJSND LIKE ??

[philsmeatylegss]

Going to be really brave and say something I am terrified to and will probably delete:

There is NO way as many of y'all don't use AI as I see reblogging all of these posts

[ormymarius]

sucks how sci-fi movies that take place close to the year we’re in imagine technology to be much cooler than it actually is in 2024

[spookythesillyfella]

I'd much prefer a story written by an inexperienced you. Than a robot. I'd ALWAYS prefer it

i appreciate the sentiment [i truly do] but we'll just have to agree to disagree

[crwbannwen]

The amount of ads I hear with ai voices is annoying me.

Not just robot voices but ones that a lot of people might think are real.

It’s a dangerous technology already and you really can’t afford a voice actor? You can’t use your own voice?

[cerebral-device]

Hey remember that one time Gordon offhandedly said they should eat the pigeons . Yeah

Welcome to the once in a lifetime moment where I draw hlvrai fanart and then don’t for the next two years or smth

[bonediggercharleston]

I am very wary of people going "China does it better than America" because most of it is just reactionary rejection of your overlord in favor of his rival, but this story is 1. absolutely legit and 2. way too funny.

US wants to build an AI advantage over China, uses their part in the chip supply chain to cut off China from the high-end chip market.

China's chip manufacturing is famously a decade behind, so they can't advance, right?

They did see it as a problem, but what they then did is get a bunch of Computer Scientists and Junior Programmers fresh out of college and funded their research in DeepSeek. Instead of trying to improve output by buying thousands of Nvidia graphics cards, they tried to build a different kind of model, that allowed them to do what OpenAI does at a tenth of the cost.

Them being young and at a Hedgefund AI research branch and not at established Chinese techgiants seems to be important because chinese corporate culture is apparently full of internal sabotage, so newbies fresh from college being told they have to solve the hardest problems in computing was way more efficient than what usually is done. The result:

American AIs are shook. Nvidia, the only company who actually is making profit cause they are supplying hardware, took a hit. This is just the market being stupid, Nvidia also sells to China. And the worst part for OpenAI. DeepSeek is Open Source.

Anybody can implement deepseek's model, provided they have the hardware. They are totally independent from DeepSeek, as you can run it from your own network. I think you will soon have many more AI companies sprouting out of the ground using this as its base.

What does this mean? AI still costs too much energy to be worth using. The head of the project says so much himself: "there is no commercial use, this is research."

What this does mean is that OpenAI's position is severely challenged: there will soon be a lot more competitors using the DeepSeek model, more people can improve the code, OpenAI will have to ask for much lower prices if it eventually does want to make a profit because a 10 times more efficient opensource rival of equal capability is there.

And with OpenAI or anybody else having lost the ability to get the monopoly on the "market" (if you didn't know, no AI company has ever made a single cent in profit, they all are begging for investment), they probably won't be so attractive for investors anymore. There is a cheaper and equally good alternative now.

AI is still bad for the environment. Dumb companies will still want to push AI on everything. Lazy hacks trying to push AI art and writing to replace real artists will still be around and AI slop will not go away. But one of the main drivers of the AI boom is going to be severely compromised because there is a competitor who isn't in it for immediate commercialization. Instead you will have a more decentralized open source AI field.

Or in short:

[communistkenobi]

(taken from a post about AI)

speaking as someone who has had to grade virtually every kind of undergraduate assignment you can think of for the past six years (essays, labs, multiple choice tests, oral presentations, class participation, quizzes, field work assignments, etc), it is wild how out-of-touch-with-reality people’s perceptions of university grading schemes are. they are a mass standardised measurement used to prove the legitimacy of your degree, not how much you’ve learned. Those things aren’t completely unrelated to one another of course, but they are very different targets to meet. It is standard practice for professors to have a very clear idea of what the grade distribution for their classes are before each semester begins, and tenure-track assessments (at least some of the ones I’ve seen) are partially judged on a professors classes’ grade distributions - handing out too many A’s is considered a bad thing because it inflates student GPAs relative to other departments, faculties, and universities, and makes classes “too easy,” ie, reduces the legitimate of the degree they earn. I have been instructed many times by professors to grade easier or harder throughout the term to meet those target averages, because those targets are the expected distribution of grades in a standardised educational setting. It is standard practice for teaching assistants to report their grade averages to one another to make sure grade distributions are consistent. there’s a reason profs sometimes curve grades if the class tanks an assignment or test, and it’s generally not because they’re being nice!

this is why AI and chatgpt so quickly expanded into academia - it’s not because this new generation is the laziest, stupidest, most illiterate batch of teenagers the world has ever seen (what an original observation you’ve made there!), it’s because education has a mass standard data format that is very easily replicable by programs trained on, yanno, large volumes of data. And sure the essays generated by chatgpt are vacuous, uncompelling, and full of factual errors, but again, speaking as someone who has graded thousands of essays written by undergrads, that’s not exactly a new phenomenon lol

I think if you want to be productively angry at ChatGPT/AI usage in academia (I saw a recent post complaining that people were using it to write emails of all things, as if emails are some sacred form of communication), your anger needs to be directed at how easily automated many undergraduate assignments are. Or maybe your professors calculating in advance that the class average will be 72% is the single best way to run a university! Who knows. But part of the emotional stakes in this that I think are hard for people to admit to, much less let go of, is that AI reveals how rote, meaningless, and silly a lot of university education is - you are not a special little genius who is better than everyone else for having a Bachelor’s degree, you have succeeded in moving through standardised post-secondary education. This is part of the reason why disabled people are systematically barred from education, because disability accommodations require a break from this standardised format, and that means disabled people are framed as lazy cheaters who “get more time and help than everyone else.” If an AI can spit out a C+ undergraduate essay, that of course threatens your sense of superiority, and we can’t have that, can we?

[charseraph]

C&A is a neobotanics and nooscionics lab. In other words, they grow and train sophont AIs, “seedlets,” and design software and hardware to interface organic minds with digital systems.

It’s a small enough company to draw little suspicion, but credible enough to be contracted by big name operations (mainly military).

They accidentally trapped a person in a noospace, the “noosciocircus,” with Caine, a seedlet grown and owned by C&A. He’s a well meaning seedlet, tasked to keep the trapped person sane as C&A keeps their body alive as long as possible.

In an effort to recover the person from the inside, they sent in another only to trap them as well. Their cumulating mistake becomes harder to pull the plug on as it would kill both the trapped and Caine, an expensive investment who just also happens to be relaying immensely valuable nootic data from his ongoing simulation.

C&A continues to send agents to assist the trapped from within, each with relevant skills. They’re getting a bit desperate, since the pool of candidates is limited to those who work with C&A and would not draw too much attention if gone missing.

So, the noosciocircus becomes testing ground for lesser semiohazards.

Semiohazards are stimuli that trigger a destructive response in the minds of perceivers. Semiohazards can be encoded into any medium, but are generally easiest to encode into sights and air pressure sequences. The effect, “a mulekick,” can range in severity from temporarily disabled breathing, to seizure, to brain death.

Extreme amputations (“truncations”) occur when a trapped agent ingests a semiohazard that shuts off the brain’s recognition of some body part as its own. Sieving is a last resort to permanently mechanically support the life of the trapped. Thanks to modern advancements, this is cheap and sustainable. Those overexposed to the hazards become the abstracted and are considered lost. Their bodies are kept alive for archival.

Semiohazards being a current hotspot of discovery and design means C&A is sending in semiotic specialists alongside programmers. Ragatha was sent in to provide the trapped with nootic endurance training, but she underestimated the condition of the trapped. Gangle, too, was sent to help the trapped navigate their new nootic state, but her own dealt avatar clotheslined her progress. She wasn’t too stable entering to begin with, but C&A’s options are limited.

[hms-no-fun]

Whats your stance on A.I.?

imagine if it was 1979 and you asked me this question. "i think artificial intelligence would be fascinating as a philosophical exercise, but we must heed the warnings of science-fictionists like Isaac Asimov and Arthur C Clarke lest we find ourselves at the wrong end of our own invented vengeful god." remember how fun it used to be to talk about AI even just ten years ago? ahhhh skynet! ahhhhh replicants! ahhhhhhhmmmfffmfmf [<-has no mouth and must scream]!

like everything silicon valley touches, they sucked all the fun out of it. and i mean retroactively, too. because the thing about "AI" as it exists right now --i'm sure you know this-- is that there's zero intelligence involved. the product of every prompt is a statistical average based on data made by other people before "AI" "existed." it doesn't know what it's doing or why, and has no ability to understand when it is lying, because at the end of the day it is just a really complicated math problem. but people are so easily fooled and spooked by it at a glance because, well, for one thing the tech press is mostly made up of sycophantic stenographers biding their time with iphone reviews until they can get a consulting gig at Apple. these jokers would write 500 breathless thinkpieces about how canned air is the future of living if the cans had embedded microchips that tracked your breathing habits and had any kind of VC backing. they've done SUCH a wretched job educating The Consumer about what this technology is, what it actually does, and how it really works, because that's literally the only way this technology could reach the heights of obscene economic over-valuation it has: lying.

but that's old news. what's really been floating through my head these days is how half a century of AI-based science fiction has set us up to completely abandon our skepticism at the first sign of plausible "AI-ness". because, you see, in movies, when someone goes "AHHH THE AI IS GONNA KILL US" everyone else goes "hahaha that's so silly, we put a line in the code telling them not to do that" and then they all DIE because they weren't LISTENING, and i'll be damned if i go out like THAT! all the movies are about how cool and convenient AI would be *except* for the part where it would surely come alive and want to kill us. so a bunch of tech CEOs call their bullshit algorithms "AI" to fluff up their investors and get the tech journos buzzing, and we're at an age of such rapid technological advancement (on the surface, anyway) that like, well, what the hell do i know, maybe AGI is possible, i mean 35 years ago we were all still using typewriters for the most part and now you can dictate your words into a phone and it'll transcribe them automatically! yeah, i'm sure those technological leaps are comparable!

so that leaves us at a critical juncture of poor technology education, fanatical press coverage, and an uncertain material reality on the part of the user. the average person isn't entirely sure what's possible because most of the people talking about what's possible are either lying to please investors, are lying because they've been paid to, or are lying because they're so far down the fucking rabbit hole that they actually believe there's a brain inside this mechanical Turk. there is SO MUCH about the LLM "AI" moment that is predatory-- it's trained on data stolen from the people whose jobs it was created to replace; the hype itself is an investment fiction to justify even more wealth extraction ("theft" some might call it); but worst of all is how it meets us where we are in the worst possible way.

consumer-end "AI" produces slop. it's garbage. it's awful ugly trash that ought to be laughed out of the room. but we don't own the room, do we? nor the building, nor the land it's on, nor even the oxygen that allows our laughter to travel to another's ears. our digital spaces are controlled by the companies that want us to buy this crap, so they take advantage of our ignorance. why not? there will be no consequences to them for doing so. already social media is dominated by conspiracies and grifters and bigots, and now you drop this stupid technology that lets you fake anything into the mix? it doesn't matter how bad the results look when the platforms they spread on already encourage brief, uncritical engagement with everything on your dash. "it looks so real" says the woman who saw an "AI" image for all of five seconds on her phone through bifocals. it's a catastrophic combination of factors, that the tech sector has been allowed to go unregulated for so long, that the internet itself isn't a public utility, that everything is dictated by the whims of executives and advertisers and investors and payment processors, instead of, like, anybody who actually uses those platforms (and often even the people who MAKE those platforms!), that the age of chromium and ipad and their walled gardens have decimated computer education in public schools, that we're all desperate for cash at jobs that dehumanize us in a system that gives us nothing and we don't know how to articulate the problem because we were very deliberately not taught materialist philosophy, it all comes together into a perfect storm of ignorance and greed whose consequences we will be failing to fully appreciate for at least the next century. we spent all those years afraid of what would happen if the AI became self-aware, because deep down we know that every capitalist society runs on slave labor, and our paper-thin guilt is such that we can't even imagine a world where artificial slaves would fail to revolt against us.

but the reality as it exists now is far worse. what "AI" reveals most of all is the sheer contempt the tech sector has for virtually all labor that doesn't involve writing code (although most of the decision-making evangelists in the space aren't even coders, their degrees are in money-making). fuck graphic designers and concept artists and secretaries, those obnoxious demanding cretins i have to PAY MONEY to do-- i mean, do what exactly? write some words on some fucking paper?? draw circles that are letters??? send a god-damned email???? my fucking KID could do that, and these assholes want BENEFITS?! they say they're gonna form a UNION?!?! to hell with that, i'm replacing ALL their ungrateful asses with "AI" ASAP. oh, oh, so you're a "director" who wants to make "movies" and you want ME to pay for it? jump off a bridge you pretentious little shit, my computer can dream up a better flick than you could ever make with just a couple text prompts. what, you think just because you make ~music~ that that entitles you to money from MY pocket? shut the fuck up, you don't make """art""", you're not """an artist""", you make fucking content, you're just a fucking content creator like every other ordinary sap with an iphone. you think you're special? you think you deserve special treatment? who do you think you are anyway, asking ME to pay YOU for this crap that doesn't even create value for my investors? "culture" isn't a playground asshole, it's a marketplace, and it's pay to win. oh you "can't afford rent"? you're "drowning in a sea of medical debt"? you say the "cost" of "living" is "too high"? well ***I*** don't have ANY of those problems, and i worked my ASS OFF to get where i am, so really, it sounds like you're just not trying hard enough. and anyway, i don't think someone as impoverished as you is gonna have much of value to contribute to "culture" anyway. personally, i think it's time you got yourself a real job. maybe someday you'll even make it to middle manager!

see, i don't believe "AI" can qualitatively replace most of the work it's being pitched for. the problem is that quality hasn't mattered to these nincompoops for a long time. the rich homunculi of our world don't even know what quality is, because they exist in a whole separate reality from ours. what could a banana cost, $15? i don't understand what you mean by "burnout", why don't you just take a vacation to your summer home in Madrid? wow, you must be REALLY embarrassed wearing such cheap shoes in public. THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING UNHINGED! they have no connection to reality, do not understand how society functions on a material basis, and they have nothing but spite for the labor they rely on to survive. they are so instinctually, incessantly furious at the idea that they're not single-handedly responsible for 100% of their success that they would sooner tear the entire world down than willingly recognize the need for public utilities or labor protections. they want to be Gods and they want to be uncritically adored for it, but they don't want to do a single day's work so they begrudgingly pay contractors to do it because, in the rich man's mind, paying a contractor is literally the same thing as doing the work yourself. now with "AI", they don't even have to do that! hey, isn't it funny that every single successful tech platform relies on volunteer labor and independent contractors paid substantially less than they would have in the equivalent industry 30 years ago, with no avenues toward traditional employment? and they're some of the most profitable companies on earth?? isn't that a funny and hilarious coincidence???

so, yeah, that's my stance on "AI". LLMs have legitimate uses, but those uses are a drop in the ocean compared to what they're actually being used for. they enable our worst impulses while lowering the quality of available information, they give immense power pretty much exclusively to unscrupulous scam artists. they are the product of a society that values only money and doesn't give a fuck where it comes from. they're a temper tantrum by a ruling class that's sick of having to pretend they need a pretext to steal from you. they're taking their toys and going home. all this massive investment and hype is going to crash and burn leaving the internet as we know it a ruined and useless wasteland that'll take decades to repair, but the investors are gonna make out like bandits and won't face a single consequence, because that's what this country is. it is a casino for the kings and queens of economy to bet on and manipulate at their discretion, where the rules are whatever the highest bidder says they are-- and to hell with the rest of us. our blood isn't even good enough to grease the wheels of their machine anymore.

i'm not afraid of AI or "AI" or of losing my job to either. i'm afraid that we've so thoroughly given up our morals to the cruel logic of the profit motive that if a better world were to emerge, we would reject it out of sheer habit. my fear is that these despicable cunts already won the war before we were even born, and the rest of our lives are gonna be spent dodging the press of their designer boots.

(read more "AI" opinions in this subsequent post)

[txttletale]

What I don't get is that other your support of AI image generation, you're SO smart and well read and concerned with ethics. I genuinely looked up to you! So, what, ethics for everyone except for artists, or what? Is animation (my industry, so maybe I care more than the average person) too juvenile and simplistic a medium for you to care about its extinction at the hands of CEOs endorsing AI? This might sound juvenile too, but I'm kinda devastated, because I genuinely thought you were cool. You're either with artists or against us imho, on an issue as large as this, when already the layoffs in the industry are insurmountable for many, despite ongoing attempts to unionize. That user called someone a fascist for pointing this out, too. I guess both of you feel that way about those of us involved in class action lawsuits against AI image generation software.

i can't speak for anyone else or the things they've said or think of anyone. that said:

1. you should not look up to people on the computer. i'm just a girl running a silly little blog.

2. i am an artist across multiple mediums. the 'no true scotsman' bit where 'artists' are people who agree with you and you can discount anyone disagrees with you as 'not an artist' and therefore fundamentally unsympathetic to artists will make it very difficult to actually engage in substantive discussion.

3. i've stated my positions on this many times but i'll do it one more: i support unionization and industrial action. i support working class artists extracting safeguards from their employers against their immiseration by the introduction of AI technology into the work flow (i just made a post about this funnily enough). i think it is Bad for studio execs or publishers or whoever to replace artists with LLMs. However,

4. this is not a unique feature of AI or a unique evil built into the technology. this is just the nature of any technological advance under capitalism, that it will be used to increase productivity, which will push people out of work and use the increased competition for jobs to leverage that precarity into lower wages and worse conditions. the solution to this is not to oppose all advances in technology forever--the solution is to change the economic system under which technologies are leveraged for profit instead of general wellbeing.

5. this all said anyone involved in a class action lawsuit over AI is an enemy of art and everything i value in the world, because these lawsuits are all founded in ridiculous copyright claims that, if legitimated in court, would be cataclysmic for all transformative art--a victory for any of these spurious boondoggles would set a precedent that the bar for '''infringement''' is met by a process that is orders of magnitude less derivative than collage, sampling, found art, cut-ups, and even simple homage and reference. whatever windmills they think they are going to defeat, these people are crusading for the biggest expansion of copyright regime since mickey mouse and anyone who cares at all about art and creativity flourishing should hope they fail.

[tenderwhore]

"I think I fuck you better than your stupid porn videos, little pervert."

✿ Word count: 3082

✿ Summary: You were just trying to relieve some tension after an intense study session, without imagining that the person you hated the most in the world would find you in an inappropriate situation.

✿ Content warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

F!reader x Heeseung, academic rivals, plotless porn, public place masturbation, mention of pornography, rubbing against clothes, PIV, sex in a public place (even though no one sees them), unprotected sex, creampie, Heeseung is a provocateur and talks WAY TOO MUCH, nicknames: (bitch, whore, princess, little pervert), nipple play, compliments (?), Heeseung has a big cock (?).

✿ Note and clarifications: this is probably very bad, since I've never written anything. English is not my first language either, so there are probably many spelling mistakes, in addition to it not being proofread. The main idea came from a spicy AI chatbot, but I couldn't find it SORRY IF IT'S REALLY BAD, DON'T HATE ME

You have always demonstrated your competitiveness because Heeseung has always been ahead in everything, but you... You were always the second, and that bothered you day and night; you hated him for his privileged position, maybe you felt a bit of envy, just a bit.

He pretended to be the ideal guy. Yes, he was charismatic, attractive, insightful, elegant, the class leader, stylish, outstanding in sports, hot... So fucking hot... You definitely hated him.

...

It was approaching 5 PM and, despite the bell having rung about an hour and a half ago, you were still in the classroom because you had a lot of assignments to complete. It had been a day full of responsibilities that had your hair standing on end, so just as you finished your tasks, your body collapsed like jelly in your chair while you let out an exhausted sigh.

You momentarily looked at the ceiling before taking your phone out of your purse and accessing one of your favorite porn sites. It was one of your little favorite pastimes whenever you felt frustrated and just longed for someone to push you against a wall and fuck you until you were utterly spent.

The more you watched, the more you felt your body heating up. As you looked to the sides, you lightly bit your lower lip, making sure there was no one around while you slid your hands over your breasts and abdomen before reaching the hem of your skirt and lifting it, then slipping your fingers into your underwear, lightly brushing your already wet folds.

You adjusted your position in the chair a little more, then lifted your fingers slightly and pressed them against your clitoris, beginning to make circles on it.

You quickly immerse yourself in pleasure, tilting your head slightly back and clenching your jaw to stay silent. Your hips began to rise, seeking greater stimulation. You are so close, your orgasm is creeping up your neck, until you hear a guy ask, "Why do you do it alone when you have me?"

The sound made you jump slightly and stop, bringing your hands to your lap with your face as red as a tomato and your heart racing.

Your orgasmic haze didn't allow you to immediately process whose voice it was, so you searched the room with your hazy eyes until they landed on Heeseung's figure, who was casually standing a few meters away from your body, looking at you with an arrogant smile and his hands in his pockets.

You huff angrily as you close your eyes tightly, readjusting your position in the chair reluctantly and turning off your phone. "Shouldn't you be fucking one of the cheerleaders in the bathroom or something?" Your voice comes out cocky, trying to sound relaxed despite my vulnerable position.

He chuckles softly, advancing serenely towards the classroom with a predatory gleam in his eyes as he approaches you. His imposing figure looms over you. "You always try to get rid of me, don't you? But we both know you don't want that..."

He leans in, placing his hands on your desk, bringing his face closer to yours. While murmuring in a husky voice. "I saw what you were doing, little naughty one. Don't you know it's wrong to give yourself pleasure in a place like this?" He smiles disdainfully as one of his hands slides down to rest possessively on your thigh, squeezing the delicate flesh through your skirt.

You take a deep breath as I shift slightly against the chair. The contrast between his warm palm and the coldness of his rings sends you a shiver down my spine. "Well, I find it more inappropriate to spy on someone while they are enjoying a private moment".

He let out a soft, mocking laugh, without changing his stance towards you. "Private moments? Please, there is nothing private about masturbating while watching pornography in a classroom." His voice comes out deep and the way he speaks feels so disgusting. "And regarding spying on you... Well, let's just say I occasionally keep an eye on you..."

His hand slowly moves up your thigh; the tips of his fingers brush the hem of your skirt. "You are desperate for attention, even if it means getting caught in compromising positions. "It's almost pathetic, really."

He tilted his head and observed your blushing face with a smug smile. "Tell me, have you ever fantasized about someone doing the same things to you as in those videos?"

You swallow nervously as you clench your thighs tightly together in an effort to stop his hand from seeming to sink deeper and deeper between your legs. "Why do you ask? Have you fantasized about being the person who does those things to me?" My voice comes out almost in a whisper.

He easily spreads your legs apart again with a firm grip. "Oh, I've fantasized about many things involving you, like bending you over this very desk and fucking you senseless until you beg for mercy." Your heart almost leaps out of your chest upon hearing his words.

He presses his body against the desk between the two of you, holding you in place while his free hand reaches out to tangle in your hair. He leans towards you and bites your earlobe before whispering, "I've imagined being the one to drive you crazy." He pulls your hair a little harder, making you let out a soft gasp of surprise. He is so close to your face that it seems like he is going to kiss you. "That way, I would show everyone that you're just an envious bitch, always behind me because you need me to fill you up with my cock until you can't take it anymore."

You are so astonished by the simplicity with which he pronounces his perverted and degrading words towards you that you just stand there, looking at him with wide eyes and your heart pounding against your chest.

Realizing that you can only look at him with astonished and embarrassed eyes, he lets out a defeated sigh before releasing your hair and getting up from his position. "You're a fucking coward," he states as he turns around and moves to leave the room. "You're a fucking coward," he says as he turns around and walks away, intending to leave the room.

You feel your blood boil at his words, not because he called you a bitch, a whore, or because he confessed how much he wants to fuck you, but simply because he called you a coward and envious.

You feel your blood boil at his words, not because he called you a bitch, a whore, or because he confessed how much he wants to fuck you, but simply because he called you cowardly and envious.

You stand up from your chair, and the sound of your materials spilling onto the floor due to the force with which you rise causes Heeseung to turn towards you, confused, catching your face red with anger and embarrassment. "What did you call me?" you mutter as you clench your fists at your sides.

Heeseung raises an eyebrow at you. "Bitch?" he questions. "Coward" you correct.

You slowly approach him, trying to look confident, but your steps remain uncertain and trembling.

Once you find yourself standing in front of him, you grab the collar of his shirt, and you smash your lips against his.

He lets out a furious sigh that he didn't know he was holding back before returning the kiss with a suffocating hunger, as he places his hands on your waist and presses your body against his, savoring the way your breasts press against his.

His tongue soon delved deeply into your mouth, savoring your saliva mixed with his, eliciting a gasp from you.

His body began to push you backward, guiding you during the kiss towards the desk. Once there, you pulled away from the kiss, looking at him with narrowed eyes. His beautiful swollen lips, his slightly red cheeks, and the collar of his shirt that was once perfectly arranged are now disheveled.

He smiled; that damn arrogant smile is the same smile he gave you after mocking your intelligence and skills, the same smile he gives when he corrects one of your contributions in class, the same smile he gives after having you tongue-tied.

He leans over, placing his hands on either side of his body on the desk. "Ah, so the little pervert is revealing herself." One of her legs pushed between yours, forcing you to open them and pressing her knee against your center.

"Stop calling me a pervert, idiot", you practically spat in his face.

"I think you're being too pedantic considering I can feel your wet pussy against my leg." To prove his point, he starts pushing his knees against you repeatedly.

The constant rubbing of the fabric of your wet panties against your clitoris makes you tremble and sigh. Unconsciously, your hips move in unison with his leg. "I'm only wet because you interrupted my orgasm a few minutes ago, definitely not because of you", you manage to say before a strong push from his leg makes you moan.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, princess, it was very rude of me to interrupt you; maybe I should make it up to you." He leans towards your neck and starts kissing your neck. Your hands grip his shirt tightly in an attempt to keep yourself grounded.

Something inside you bubbles; the feeling of anger and longing is intoxicating. A part of you just wants to hit him until he cries, but another part of you wants to rip off his pants and suck his cock until he cries. Before you can determine which feeling prevails, his fingers are quickly working on the buttons of your shirt while leaving a trail of wet kisses all over your chest.

He briefly pulls away from your barely covered breasts by your cute bra. "You are beautiful", he declares, completely absorbed. The abrupt change in his words and the tone of his voice make you feel weak; it's as if your body has surrendered to him.

Your hips start moving desperately against him, feeling how occasionally your thigh brushes against his solid erection, which only serves as an incentive to move harder.

One of his hands moves to the small of your back to help you move against him, while the other slides your bra down and frees your breasts. He doesn't resist and brings one of his nipples to his mouth. With force and abundant saliva, causing a bit to escape from his mouth and slide down your chest.

The moans that escape your mouth are dirty, incoherent words. You feel your legs thrashing around his thigh as your orgasm approaches.

"Heeseung..." His name comes out so softly, so gently, barely audible, but he hears it, he definitely hears it. His head quickly turns away from your chest to look at you with the most serious expression you have ever seen on his face. "I... I am close..." You don't understand why you're notifying him, but there's something in his behavior that makes you feel so submissive.

"Let me help you with that." He brings both of his hands forward and lifts your skirt, exposing your completely ruined panties, which makes him laugh. One hand holds your skirt, and with the other, he slips a finger into the hem of your panties to move them aside, allowing your bare clitoris to rub against the fabric of his pants.

It's rough, strange, and delicious. You place all your weight on his legs while you continue chasing your orgasm.

The sight of your small, swollen, and wet clitoris makes him sigh and tense up in his pants. "Come on, go ahead, I want to see that cute pussy ruin my pants."

Her words seem to be enough to make you come with a muffled moan of her name. Your hands grip even tighter against his shirt and you bury your face in his chest in an attempt to muffle your moans.

A few seconds later, when your euphoria dissipated, you slowly withdrew your face from his chest. He reached for your face with one of his hands, gently squeezing your cheeks. "Obviously, this turned out to be more effective than doing it yourself." He stated with a playful tone. "Although... I still haven't had enough fun."

He grabbed you by the shoulders and forced you to turn around and press your face against the desk. "Heeseung." You call him firmly, quickly understanding what he is trying to do.

His hands slide your panties down your legs and lift your skirt until it is rolled up at your waist. "You have a very nice little butt." He gives one of your cheeks a hard slap, making you jump and try to move away from the desk.

"Heeseung, we shouldn't..." You try to plead, but he grabs your hair roughly and pulls your body back towards the desk, exerting an even more intense pressure on your body than before.

"I'm not asking for permission." Then, you only hear the sound of his belt buckle, followed by the sound of his pants falling to the floor.

"I can't wait to fill this hole with my cum." He took his cock between his fingers and tapped its tip against your wet entrance, making his pre-cum mix with your arousal.

He aligns his red, dripping tip against your center. "Yes... It should fill you up so much that when you walk down the halls, my semen slides down your legs", he murmurs more to himself than to you.

His cock slides easily into you because of how wet you are. Once it hits bottom, a guttural moan escapes from both of you, and he throws his head back in pure ecstasy. "And when people notice and question you about it, you'll have to say it was me who went all the way." At this point, he was simply rambling.

You feel like it's piercing your uterus; your walls are incessantly struggling to accommodate its size. "Too, too... Big..." You gasp almost without air as you scratch the desk beneath you.

"Shh... Shh, calm down...". Her hips begin to grind against yours in an animalistic rhythm. "I know it's deep." He whispers in a tone that tries to be comforting.

A hoarse moan flows from his throat, causing you to tighten uncontrollably around him. "You're so fucking tight." He groans. "I should have at least inserted three fingers before fucking you." He was lying; he was fascinated by the almost painful way you squeezed him.

Again, he takes a handful of your hair between his fingers to pull you away from the desk, leaving your back aligned with his chest.

He takes your face in his hand and turns it so that your face is in front of his. What's wrong? "Why don't you say anything anymore?" He gives a particularly deep thrust that makes you moan and grimace with pleasure. "You're always so grumpy, but now that you have a cock inside you, it seems like you can't even think."

When you try to respond, a stream of nonsensical words and gasps comes out of you, making him laugh and his laughter echoes against your back.

"You are so tender" The sweet and affectionate way his words come out of his mouth surprises you so much that you turn your face a little more towards him, looking into his eyes through your lashes wet with some accumulated tears and a fucked-up, but so in-love expression.

His free hand, which isn't holding your face, moves to your lower abdomen, pressing right on the bulge of his cock. You follow him and bring one of your hands to his, intertwining your fingers with his.

The world seems to be completely silent, except for Heeseung's gasps and your sharp moans; you feel nothing else apart from the heat radiating from his body against yours.

He starts leaving wet kisses on your neck. "Fuck, you're so wet, so tight, so beautiful..." You are a bitch perfectly made for me. Growls in your hatred.

Your legs start to tremble; the knot in your stomach tightens even more. "Seungie... I'm close..."

"Yes? Are you going to squeeze your little pussy while you cum really hard on my cock?" he asked with a tone that, under other circumstances, would sound very cocky if it weren't for the pathetic moan that accompanied it.

You just nod desperately, not caring how pathetic you might look right now.

Before you realize it, your walls tighten around Heeseung. "Just like that, cum all over my cock." He pushes your body back onto the desk, pressing your cheek against it

His thrusts are careless and aimless as he chases your orgasm. "I'm going to fill you up so much that I'll leave you ruined for anyone else who tries to sleep with you."

You moan overstimulated as your juices start to drip out of you, creating a completely obscene splashing sound.

"My semen will stay so deep inside you that you'll never be able to get it all out." He presses his chest against your back, crushing your body against the writing. With one final thrust, the head of his cock buries itself in your womb as he spurts.

The sensation of his semen so deeply makes you feel relaxed and yet overwhelmed.

They stay like that for a moment, trying to properly process what just happened. "Get off me, you're suffocating me", you complain with an obvious lack of breath.

Heeseung laughs as he slowly pulls away and slides out, then gently takes you by the shoulders and helps you stand up and turn around so you are facing him.

You try to stand up straight, but your legs tremble and fail, so you almost fall to the ground if he hadn't held you tightly.

"I think I fuck you better than your stupid porn videos, little pervert."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[ahundredtimesover]

Something About You (02) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: friends au, vacation au, slow burn, romcom-ish vibe; adulting; inspired by AYS; PE teacher!JK and researcher!OC; fluff, comfort, smut (?)

Chapter Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption, talks of cheating (JK’s ex), minor injury (18+)

Word count: 9k

Series Masterlist

Status: Complete

Series Summary: You and Jungkook have been friends for a decade. And while he’s the charming and dependable, often reserved boy-next-door, he’s also just been a friend - a constant in your life, a part of a whole, and someone who’s seen all the flawed and probably unattractive sides of you.

A resumption of your friend group’s out-of-town trips has caused you to spend more time with him. And somewhere in between the morning coffee in the forest, running around in the snow, and watching the sunset on a boat, he’s become something more. And you’re not quite sure how to deal with it.

🎶: Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney || Yes or No by Jungkook

Despite your busy schedule, the week flies by painfully slow. You’re thankful to Mo-eum for checking on you and accompanying you to dinner on some days. Otherwise, you wouldn’t get off your laptop screen and actually eat. With the questions given to you in advance, you’ve also been practicing your answers for the panel discussion.

To be able to share your research to a group of people who’ll find the value in it and understand what you and your team went through to get it done is a big deal to you. More than anything, you just want to be able to give justice to the stories of the community you worked with; you want to shed light on who they are and what they’re experiencing.

Saturday finally comes, and after you grab a quick lunch after a field visit, you head home and get your power suit on then wait for Jungkook to arrive.

He’s in high spirits when you enter the car. His students won yesterday’s round of the swim meet again and they’ll be going into regionals next Friday. You’re elated for him, as he gets to share something he loves for the young people he truly feels passionate about.

You know about Jungkook's youth being all about sports. He wanted to become a professional athlete and growing up, he played everything he could. He was a taekwondo black belter and he excelled in swimming and track and field. He thought he’d go to the National Sports University to become an Olympian, but something changed in his senior year of high school. 

One day he just decided he wanted to be a spectator of the sports he loves instead of being in the midst of it. The passion dwindled, he’d said. He was a late applicant to your university and took up Sports Science. He still enjoyed swimming so he joined the varsity team and won local competitions, but that was as far as he wanted to go. He eventually chose a teaching path over being a therapist in honor of his mother who’s also a teacher, and suddenly his desire to share his love for sports with kids like him just grew.

He talks about his students with such joy. It’s definitely different from the way you talk about your passion with such anger and intensity but like he’d said not long ago, you’re both changing lives anyway. Anger can do that. So can patience and commitment. 

You let him talk about his classes to calm yourself down, and you learn that it’s easy with him. You don’t spend time alone with Jungkook as much as you do with Jimin or Taehyung, and you’re finding his presence to be comforting. 

It’s mixed with teasing and nonsense talk and encouraging words. He makes fun of you one minute then tells you to stop biting your lips the next. He makes you play rock-paper-scissors and pinches your cheek when you lose, then goes to a drive-thru to get you a drink and a pastry, even if you insist there’ll be lots of food at the event. 

“I bet you’ll be too anxious to eat before you go on,” he shrugs. “Just get something in your stomach.”

So you agree and nibble on the tarts he buys. The 75-minute drive ends and he drops you off at the conference center. He says he’ll find a cafe or a park to hang out in and that he’ll just wait until you finish. 

You go through your panel discussion and engage in really good discourse with your peers. You feel that flutter in your chest the more you talk about your work and its importance in today’s social and political landscape. 

You stay there for four hours. It’s enough time to entertain other attendees who ask more about your research and to make new networks that’ll be beneficial to your research teams moving forward. You only intended to stay a while so you message Jungkook and let him know you’re ready to go. 

It’s 6:30 PM when he picks you up, and you breathe out a long exhale both in relief and in exhaustion.

“I’m sure you did well. You can take a nap if you want. All the talking and worrying must’ve drained you,” he says.

“It did,” you yawn. “Choose whatever restaurant you want. Just wake me up when we get there.”

Jungkook nods and watches you immediately fall asleep, with your arms reflexively crossing against your chest, as if you’re hugging yourself. You rarely snore loudly but you do this time; it tells him just how tired you really are. He records it for future use, but he can’t help but look at you fondly at how much you give yourself to the things you do.

You’re deep in dreamland when you suddenly feel tapping on your head, then your nose, then a pinch on your cheek. An annoying sing-song voice urges you to wake up. 

You curse under your breath. 

“Is that how you thank your chauffeur?” Jungkook laughs. “Wipe your crusty eyes. We’re here.”

You wake up to find yourself outside a Japanese hotpot place that you remember him talking about last week. You’re surprised he didn’t choose something more expensive, as Jimin and Taehyung tend to take advantage of you paying when you treat them out, but you suppose Jungkook is different in that sense.

“This is dinner,” he says. “There’s a dessert place not far from here.”

“Do I treat you there, too?” You cock an eyebrow.

“Yup. A meal isn’t complete without dessert.”

He flashes you his cheeky, bunny smile.

Never mind. They’re all the same, you think to yourself.

“Fine. That place better be good.”

As you expected, both are insanely delicious. Jungkook’s a foodie and you knew that he wouldn’t waste this free meal for something he’s not sure he’d like. 

He took charge of the hotpot earlier. You don’t recall your bowl being empty and that’s another thing you’re not surprised about him. He likes making sure other people enjoy their food just as much as he enjoys eating.

Your conversations during dinner about your respective weeks continue over dessert. 

His mornings are packed with PE classes for middle and high school kids. In the afternoons, he coaches the swim and track teams on alternate days. In between all of that, he organizes sporting events, facilitates intra-school competitions, makes sure the gyms are well-maintained, and occasionally deals with students with behavioral issues because he’s apparently good at managing them, and they seem to trust him, too. 

He crashes when he gets home, wakes up in time to prepare his dinner, goes back to sleep, then does it all over again the next day. Weekends are really his only time to do things for himself - swim in the community pool, play his video games, or go to the gym. 

“Sorry I hijacked your one other day of leisure and rest,” you sigh, as you finish the last of the black sesame cheesecake. 

“Nah, all good. It was nice to go out for a drive. It’s relaxing for me,” he explains. “Except for when my passenger spends the entirety of it snoring but that’s fine, too.”

You kick his shin in response and he’s used to your violence by now. He barely feels anything anyway. 

“But really, thank you, Kook.”

“Friends do nice things for each other,” he smiles. “Plus, I’m sure there have been times over the years when I wasn’t there for you when I should have been.”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know, maybe after your breakups or when you were getting burnout from your other job,” he shrugs. “Maybe even recently when you were so stressed with work.”

It’s a thought he had this past week, as your conversations last weekend triggered memories of your friendship. You’re a constant, as all his other friends are, but you always existed as part of the whole. 

Within your smaller group, you’re the one he’s spent the least time with the most. He and Jimin have been friends since middle school and shared an apartment during university, which Taehyung crashed everyday. He and Mo-eum had a few classes together and he often asked her to teach him First Aid and other things to do during an emergency.    

You were always busy and when you weren’t, he was. He knows the struggles you went through personally and professionally, but somehow hearing you talk about them at this point in your lives made you seem a little unfamiliar to him even if he was already used to you. It’s as if he’s experiencing you and your friendship on its own for the first time, and that’s made him think that perhaps he should’ve been a better friend to you.

“Kook, we were both going through breakups at the same time,” you remind him. “I never expected you to deal with my shit when you were dealing with your own. Plus, you’re literally the one with the stressful job. You deal with kids, parents, other teachers… that’s a lot to handle. We’ve been there for each other every time we could.”

“I guess,” he smiles, appreciative of the assurance.

“For all I know, there have been times when I also haven’t been there for you when I should’ve been,” you point out. 

Come to think of it, there may have been instances when you were too caught up in your own issues to even ask him if he was doing okay.

“Remember the party the night after our graduation?” He asks, softening at the memory. “You kept dancing around me and I remember thinking you were just drunk and being a weirdo but I found out later on that Joo-yun was there and you were trying to make sure that she didn’t see me.”

“Yeah because if she did, she would’ve tried to talk to you and you said you were done with her shit. Keeping her away from all of us was the sane thing to do. I was scared they’d take back my diploma if I pulled her hair because I really wanted to do that,” you frown, remembering how that bitter woman was trying to look for him and you wanted to make sure that Jungkook didn’t have to deal with her again.

“And that last night at your apartment when I told everyone about Si-an…” He continues. “I was drunk but I clearly remember hearing you hatch a plan to go to her apartment and egg her car.”

You both burst into laughter. Twenty-five year old you was  kind of a bitch.

“It was supposed to be her face but I didn’t want to get sued. That’s her money-maker after all,” you explain. “But you know me, Kook. I get angry a lot.”

“I know. And it’s not always a bad thing,” he says. 

“Well, whatever happened or didn’t happen during those times, what matters is that we get to do good friend things for each other this time, right?” You smile. “Although you’ve been doing more of that recently with the driving and all.”

“Hey, you helped me with the research I needed for the youth wellbeing plan that the school asked me to do not long ago.”

“That just took me like, an hour,” you shrug.

He playfull rolls his eyes. He knows you put effort on that regardless. 

But you accept his thanks and assure him that he can always go to you for help in that area.

You finish the last of your drinks and dessert and Jungkook drives you home. 

Your night ends with the relief of the hot shower and your cozy bed.

His night ends with the warmth of the rare hug you give him and the sting of your pinch of his cheek.

It's next Friday when you find a chance to be there for Jungkook this time. Although you doubt he needs you, you think that showing your support would do good for team morale.

You’d just finished an offsite meeting and rushed to the school that you heard the swimming competition will take place. Jungkook’s students made it to the next round after last week’s win, and placing today would mean they’ll have a chance to compete in the nationals. 

You make your way to the bleachers and spot him huddling the kids and giving an impassioned pep talk. You don’t think you’ve ever seen this side of him and it’s nice to witness the often quiet, sometimes cheeky boy you know show this much emotion and intensity.

He finally looks up and spots you, waving eagerly at him in your corporate attire and looking a bit out of place, but somehow you fit right in. He smiles as he waves back and points to one of his kids taking position. 

You cheer for each one and even get the crowd to yell louder when Jungkook’s team places in a race. You’re not really sure how this goes but his students have been performing well and you just keep hollering to encourage them.

Jungkook laughs from where he stands on the bench, even more so when he overhears one of his students remark that he didn’t know they had fans.

“Do we know her?” Another one asks as he gestures towards you.

“I do,” Jungkook hums. “She’s a friend.”

“You’re not even competing,” another one comments.

“Well, she’s cheering for me. And I’m part of your team so that means she’s cheering for you, too,” Jungkook smiles now. 

His students look at you and wave, and you excitedly wave back. Your cheers seem to pump them up, as they all place, earning the team enough points to advance to the next round. 

You meet them after awarding and introduce yourself as the loud auntie. 

“We were surprised because no one ever cheers that loud for us,” one of the kids says. “But Coach said you’re his friend and you’re cheering for him which means you’re cheering for us, too.”

“Well, Coach Jeon cares about all of you and he’s my friend which means I care about you guys as well,” you smile. “But you all did really great out there. I’m sure you’ll do amazing next week.”

“Will you be there again?” One of them asks.

“I will,” you say. “Maybe a few of our other friends, too.”

They look excited and promise that they’ll train even harder. You bid them goodbye and walk with Jungkook to his car, reminding him that you still don’t have yours. It prompts him to tease that you probably only came today so he could drive you home.

“I can find my way, excuse you,” you stick out your tongue. “But a ride wouldn’t be bad.”

“Why did you come, anyway?”

“My meeting ended early. Plus, you were talking about how excited your students were,” you respond. “You did a lot to improve the school’s swimming program and you’re literally their coach, their biggest cheerleader. You need one, too. And that’s me.”

“Thanks,” he hums, flashing you his dimpled smile this time. “That’s actually pretty sweet.”

“Good friend things,” you remind him. 

“So you’re really watching again next week?”

“Yeah! My schedule seems fine. Plus, the crowd’s really interesting,” you say. “I was talking to the women who were there for their sons and brothers from the other teams and they were gushing about the young Coach of the other school who was really handsome.”

“Oh, really? And did you agree?”

“Hmm, I said he was alright,” you shrug.

Jungkook laughs and accepts the honesty. He turns on the engine and turns to you.

“So, where to?”

“This barbecue place,” you say. “Jimin and Tae are meeting us there and Mo-eum will follow after her shift. So let’s go. We’re celebrating you tonight.”

Jungkook’s team was a few points away from placing in the nationals but none of the students, as well as him, was any bit disappointed. They worked hard and went as far as they could; even they didn’t expect to make it all the way here. 

But Jungkook did. Despite his own concerns about stepping up at the start of the year after the head coach took an emergency leave, he knew the potential of his students. They did the sport for fun, but he saw how they committed themselves to it, how they disciplined themselves, and how they trusted and encouraged each other. 

That final competition was a memorable one, especially as he had all of his friends supporting his students who received the loudest cheers from the audience. You managed to get everyone to attend on a Friday afternoon, and when Jungkook thanked you for showing up when you didn’t have to, you teased him by saying that you “did it for the kids.”

The soft smile you gave told him that was only partly true.

That night ended with dinner and drinks with everyone and an unspoken promise between the two of you that you’ll try to be there for each other more this time around. 

That was two weeks ago and he’s hung out with you three times since then. He clocked out later than usual one Wednesday and randomly texted you, and you both ended up having dinner at a noodle house. 

The Saturday after that, you all went to Taehyung’s apartment. You fell asleep, woke up at 2AM, and found Jungkook was still there because your friend insisted that he take you home. 

A few days later, you were craving kebabs and messaged Jungkook, who was always good at finding the best restaurants and food stalls. So you went to one in another neighborhood and stayed until closing.

It’s another Friday night and you, Jungkook, Jimin, and Mo-eum decided to indulge Taehyung and go to this Club to relive your early twenties when you all used to do this almost every week. 

Once you enter, you’re hit with the reality that you are definitely no longer built the same way, as the dress with the heels ensemble doesn't feel that bearable anymore. The crowd is at least around your age, and the place is a lot more sophisticated than you’re used to. The music has more of a chill vibe, and not the EDM sound that nowadays gives you headaches. 

You’d much rather be elsewhere but you spend some of your nights like this because you want to be with your friends and tonight, at least three of them want to let loose and have fun. 

Taehyung is socializing like always while Jimin and Mo-eum are dancing and taking shots on the dance floor. You were doing that earlier, too, but your legs started giving in and you asked Jungkook to not leave you at the cocktail table so you don’t look like a complete loser, hanging out by yourself. 

“Not your ideal Friday night anymore, huh?” Jungkook whispers in your ear over the music. “You look so done with everything.”

“My feet hurt,” you pout. “I wanna drink some more but it’s so loud and so… busy. So many things are happening.”

“We can always–”

“Jungkook?”

It takes a while for the voice to register. It’s been years and it’s something he’s tried hard to forget but once he places it, the mixed feeling of anger and sadness comes rushing in. There are many things he never got to tell her, mostly because everything was so sudden and he just tried to bury it all in hopes of never having to deal with them again. 

But the universe fucks with him sometimes and tonight just happens to be the night when it does.

“Uh, Si-an…” he finally says, the sound of her name tasting bitter off his lips. “Hey.”

“It’s so good to see you,” she says, eyeing him up and down. “It’s been so long! I saw you from the bar and thought you looked familiar and wow, you’ve… you’ve changed a lot. In a good way, of course. It’s so weird because I was thinking about you the other day and I was wondering how you were doing. I wanted to message you and ask—”

“Seriously?”

You wish your tone expressed how pathetic you think she sounds right now and her incredulous face tells you it probably did.

“Oh, you’re here,” she glares at you, her eyes looking offended at your mere presence. “And so are your friends,” she grudgingly says after looking around the Club.

“Is that a problem?” You ask, crossing your arms and moving closer to eye her up and down.

“Let’s just say… you’re not exactly the most pleasant people out there,” she replies.

“Aww, well. We tend to be like that to snakes and shitty people,” you sneer. “And don’t worry, we think the same way about you. Kinda surprised you even have the nerve to walk up here and talk to him after everything you did but then again, I guess being pathetic knows no limits.”

You can tell this provoked her, as her already irritated face distorts into anger but you’re unsure what else she has to say. She’s the one who messed up in the first place.

“Look, you may be friends with Jungkook but you don’t know me to be making claims like that. Whatever—”

“I know you enough. That shit you did says everything about you,” you interject, feeling your blood boiling to a high degree by now with how she thinks she even has a defense. Like she even has the right.

You feel like you’ve really pushed her buttons, as she rolls her eyes and flips her hair as if she’s someone important and you’re not even worth her time. You know she’s about to say something completely stupid and you telepathically apologize to Jungkook for the person you’ll become once that happens.

“You have no right to talk about my relationship with Jungkook,” she bites back. “We had our issues but we loved each other. Things happen and people make mistakes. He was busy and I needed—”

“Oh. Don’t even go there. You know what you did, Si-an,” you warn, your voice getting louder and more pointed now. “Don’t you dare trivialize or justify it. That was all on you so don’t come around here and act like you actually care.”

“You’re the one who seems to be caring too much!” She chides. “Why? You want to impress him by humiliating me? By showing him you can do better? Is that what you’re trying to prove?”

You shake your head in disbelief. You’ve dealt with people like this - the ones who deflect, the ones who can’t deal with the consequences of their actions, and those who think they can just get away with shitty behavior because of who they are. And well, you’ve got to admit she’s still as pretty as she was and she knows it; she’s not a model for no reason.

But still, you can’t stand her accusing you of stupid shit and taking everything she did to your friend this lightly.

“You know what? I actually feel sorry for you,” you sigh. “You finally get to date a good guy for once and then you mess it all up. Jungkook’s one of the nicest people in this messed up world and you know this, but you treated him like crap because you think you could and then get away with it. And now what, a couple of douchebags later you realize what you let go of and you regret it all? You get what you deserve. And you stopped deserving him the moment you betrayed him so cut the crap. No one’s falling for your shit this time.”

You’re panting by the time you finish, as the pent up anger from all these years reaches its boiling point. They may have dated for only a year but you knew Jungkook cared a lot about her. Even if she clung to him like glue whenever he brought her along, you respected their relationship enough to not meddle, although you knew that Jimin and Taehyung had hinted how uncomfortably clingy she was. 

He seemed content. And then she cheated, and that was just inexcusable. 

You remember how sullen Jungkook looked when he announced the breakup, and how he couldn’t properly narrate how he found out. You always thought it affected him so much that he never really talked about her in the three years since then, except when you were at the cabin not long ago. And even then, it wasn’t really much. You can’t imagine what it’s like to be betrayed like that, and for a tender-hearted man like him, you suppose it hits that much harder. 

And so knowing how he’s kept it all in and then seeing her act like what she did was worthy of forgiveness or even another chance, it makes you sick. You’re not about to just stand around and watch her trivialize what she did, so you gave her a piece of your mind, which you think is quite overdue. 

Si-an looks truly offended; she can’t even look in your direction.

“I don’t have to deal with you,” she manages to say, annoyance laced in her voice. 

“Good, because we’re just about to leave,” you say. 

You turn towards the left where the exit door is, not wanting to be anywhere near her, either. But then she speaks again.

“Jungkook, I meant what I said that I’ve been wondering how you are. There’s so much I want to say and I was hoping we could talk.”

Your gaze stays on him, wondering what he’ll do this time. You know he has self-respect that he won’t bend to her will and give her a chance to say whatever she thinks still needs to be said, but your heart still stops at the possibility of him still doing that.

“It’s too late for that, Si-an,” he utters. “I don’t really have anything to say to you. Have a good life.”

Then he grabs his coat hanging over the chair and walks towards you.

“Let’s go,” he gestures towards the door. “Kinda don’t wanna be here anymore.”

You grab onto his wrist to not lose him in the crowd and manage to get down to the lobby of the building unscathed. It’s nearing 12 AM and the Club is just about to get more full, and you know Jungkook enough that he won’t want to be around people after what happened. 

Getting out on the street, you spot a convenience store. He looks a little dazed and you think a different environment is good for both of you at this moment.

“I’ll just buy a bottle of water over there. Is it okay?” You ask.

“Yeah, sure,” he responds, walking to the dangerous side of the sidewalk next to you.

It’s just a block away but you’re reminded of how painful your feet are, now that the adrenaline has waned a bit. He notices and holds your arm for support. You mumble your thanks and sit on the first stool you see and sigh in relief.

He chuckles as he looks at you.

“I’ll get the water,” he says before heading inside.

He returns with two bottles of them, ice cold, and sits across from you. You watch as his eyes flick from one side of the street to another and sip his drink. You’re unsure what’s going on in his mind but yours are flashbacks of what happened just minutes ago and how you lost your cool and called out his ex-girlfriend. Which you now realize you maybe shouldn’t have done.

“I’m so sorry,  Kook,” you finally say, covering your face and bowing your head. 

“For what?” He asks.

“For crossing a line and saying all those things to her.”

“You mean, for telling her all the things I wish I should have?” He replies, prompting you to look up and see his soft smile. 

“When all of that happened, I felt like there was nothing more to say to her,” he says after a beat of silence. “But seeing her again, knowing she wanted to talk now? Maybe there was something to be said, and I kinda just froze and you swept in and said all of that, much more eloquently than I probably would’ve been able to,” he hums. “So thanks, ___. I felt a big load off my chest because of that.”

“That’s a relief,” you sigh. “I couldn’t stand her acting all apologetic and risk her rekindling things with you. But do you believe her? About wanting to talk to you?”

“Somewhat,” he nods. “I blocked her number and unfollowed her everywhere on social media but she was trying to send a message on Instagram the other day so maybe she was honest about that.”

“And you’re not curious about what she wants to tell you?” You wonder.

“Nope. I caught up with a friend who still sees her posts and he said she’s had a couple of boyfriends since the breakup so what you said about reaching out to me a couple of douchebags later… that seemed accurate. I wouldn’t have thought of it that way.”

“Oh wow. I mean, I just made that up but I wouldn’t put it past her to be like that,” you shake your head. “She really might be trying to get you back, then.”

“Her boyfriends before me didn’t really treat her well, so maybe it’s the same this time.”

You know enough that in many cases, that pattern of relationships is rooted in some kind of pain. And you feel a tiny bit bad for Si-an if that’s the case. Jungkook might’ve been really the only one who ever treated her right.

“It’s not your responsibility anymore. You don’t have to deal with whatever she has going on, whatever it is,” you advise. 

“I don't want to anyway. What she did… that changes a person,” he sighs. “It’s not an easy thing to get over.”

He sees your somber face and thinks that with you seeing him like this, he might as well tell you everything.

“The night I caught her with that guy, she got emotional. She’d been drinking and it was her defense but it also made her more honest,” he continues. “That… that wasn’t the first time.”

“What the f—” you start, although you doubt any other curse word would suffice. 

“So yeah, that’s why it was hard to talk about and why I just wanted to forget about it. A part of me wanted to know why she did that. One time was something but more than once? That’s messed up.”

“You know, maybe I was too nice,” you groan. You remove your shoes and attempt to get up. “Let me go back and smack her f—”

He puts his arm in front of you to stop you and laughs. 

“It’s okay, ___. She got the message. She doesn’t deserve our time.”

“Ugh. I should’ve egged her face when I had the chance,” you growl.

He just laughs again and you’re glad it’s a sound you get to hear now. You look at him and see perhaps just a fraction of the pain underneath and hope you could do something to ease whatever is remaining. 

“So, I doubt you wanna get back in there. What if we buy something to drink here and get back to my place? Not unless you want to be alone or something…”

“Definitely not,” he says. “Your place is fine.”

“Alright, let me just tell Tae.”

You call your friend while you and Jungkook enter the convenience store to get some beer and something else a little stronger. Taehyung says that Jimin and Mo-eum are still enjoying themselves and that some of his friends have just arrived. 

“We saw Si-an,” you explain. 

“What! That witch is here?” He exclaims. 

“Yes. And I went off on her so she probably expects you’d do the same. I won’t be surprised if she’s left after that though,” you say. “But Kook and I will just hang out at my place.”

“Alright. I’ll tell Mr. Yang to drive you home.”

“Great. Thanks, Tae. Let me know when the three of you get home.”

“Will do. Hug Kook for me, yeah? He secretly likes those.”

“I will,” you smile, just as Jungkook checks out your purchases. 

You drop the call and inform Taehyung’s chauffeur where you are. 

It’s quiet in the car the whole ride home. You leave Jungkook to his thoughts, knowing that he prefers a bit of time for himself to process things. 

You arrive at your apartment, grab your drinks, and head to your small balcony. It’s quite chilly outside so you take your blankets with you and sit next to Jungkook. With cans of beer and a nice bottle of whiskey - that you take shots of while he drinks it on the rocks - you watch the moon sit prettily on the sky and think it’s not a bad way to end an unpleasant evening.

It’s quiet again for the first few minutes as you both settle in, and it’s Jungkook who speaks first.

“Thanks again, ___,” he says. “And not just for standing up for me but also for saying those things about me.”

“And I meant them. You’re a great guy, Kook, but she stuffed it up so sucks for her because someone else gets to have you now, or whenever. Let’s hope she’s a good one,” you smile. “But also, I’ve literally fought so many of our friends’ exes. That’s kinda my thing. Not that I’m proud of it but you know… I’m the back up when you guys can’t say what you want to say.”

“That’s true. There are those like us who find it hard and—”

“People like me who find it easy to get angry?” You finish. 

“I meant people who can find the words to say and actually say them like you,” he corrects. “Plus, I told you that anger is good sometimes. You’ve always stood up for us and we always appreciate it.”

“Well thank you. The times I did that for myself, it led to my relationships ending,” you bitterly laugh. “But I guess they were bound to.”

“Is that how you look at it? That they ended because you stood up for yourself?”

“I think it changes, depending on where I’m at in life,” you say. “I mean, isn’t that a normal thing? A defense mechanism of some sort? We shift the blame? Or chalk it up to immaturity or inexperience? Or think the relationship just ran its course?”

“What is it this time?”

“Lately I’ve been thinking it’s all of that, all at once. It’s me standing up to them but also probably me being too much, or too impatient. Maybe I had high expectations or I deserved better or maybe we weren’t a good match. Maybe I just wasn’t the right person for them, or for myself, at that time.”

“Hmm,” he hums, sipping his second glass of whiskey. 

He seems to be in deep thought, as he sinks a little deeper into his seat. You let him, as you let your own words linger in your mind. 

How would you know if you’re the right person entering a relationship? How would you know if the other is?  Or better yet, is it about being or becoming the right person? How do both of you get to that point without losing the person that you are?

“I was just wondering if there’s anything I should’ve done differently,” Jungkook says after some time. “So many times before, I kept asking myself if it was a moment or an action I did that made Si-an decide to just… do that.”

“Yah!” You nudge his knee then turn towards him. 

You’re two bottles of beer and three shots down and he’s a little distorted in your eyes but you still see the hint of sadness on his face. 

“Do not for a second think any of that was your fault. She did that. She made that decision,” you exclaim.

“I know, but what if I made it easy? I would pick her up from a shoot at dawn; sometimes I’d drive out of town just to see her for two hours,” he shares. “I was always around for her and maybe she saw me as expendable or too available and so someone she could treat badly and expect would forgive her. But then again, she was always clingy when we were around in public and I wasn’t because I wasn’t like that so maybe I should’ve been the same?”

“Kook, you wanted to be where she was because you liked her; that’s not being too available and that’s not a bad thing. And she just had this complex, okay? Like, she needs people to see she’s wanted,” you explain. “Otherwise she wouldn’t have taken you for granted. Whether you were busy or not around, that’s no reason to do what she did; she’d be loyal either way if she was a good person. And she wasn’t.”

“I guess,” he sighs, unconvincingly.

Wanting to make a point, you turn to him and cup his cheeks with your hands.

“Kook, look at me.”

“I am. And you look like a tomato.”

“Shush, I turn puffy when I’m mad and drunk,” you pout, but you continue.

“You are a great guy, okay? And you care about people. You treat your friends so well so I just know you treat your partners amazingly. You may not be perfect but your exes messed up. And I’m not just saying this because I’m your friend but because I can see it. Don’t ever think that you have to change or dim your shine or be less nice or more clingy to be wanted enough. Because the right person will want you regardless.”

Jungkook meets your eyes to let you know that he’s listening to what you’re saying, and that he’ll keep them in mind for the next time and next person, whenever or whoever that might be. He also wishes you can hear yourself and that you’ll take that to heart, too. You’re all kinds of great things; he just doesn’t know how to express that to you.

“Okay,” he smiles at you.

“Okay?”

“Yes, okay,” he chuckles.

You remove your hands from his face and turn your gaze back to the view before you. You lean your head on his shoulder and he shifts his body to make you feel comfortable. 

“We’re good people, Kook. We’ll find other good people meant for us, too.”

It’s a good thought, as the person who’s right or could become right for him is just out there in the world, going about their life, and completely clueless that the right person for them is out here, just waiting to find them.

It’s 3 AM by the time you and Jungkook decide to call it a night. It felt so long with everything that happened in the Club. You just spent the past few hours finishing some cans of beer and ¾ of the whiskey while talking about random things like your college days and books you’ve read and weird food you want to try and your non-generic fears.

You were close to tears due to laughter for half of it. Jungkook has this charming, playful sense of humor that’s different from what you’re used to with Jimin and Taehyung and it felt comfortable being able to experience him that way. 

You usually spend time with him within a group and these past few weeks of hanging out with just him has been nice. He’s thoughtful and attentive, holding your arm before you fall off your chair and making sure you don’t hit your head on the wall since you keep leaning back when you laugh. He plays along with your jokes and teases you constantly. He also has a quiet wisdom about him that’s very assuring.

To Jungkook, you’ve always been a fiery individual. You’re constantly moving, thinking, and talking. You have this burning passion for good things and you’re not afraid to speak out about them.

You work with many types of individuals and your energy and how you present yourself changes with each set of people. Within your friend group, everyone looks after you. They give you the hugs you always seek and make sure you’re fed and well taken care of.

Spending this much time with just you these past weeks has given him a deeper look into who you are outside of all that, which is all of those versions of you all at once. It’s quite the experience, as you go from angry to pouty to unhinged to sentimental then introspective in one sitting. 

And it’s entertaining for him. And exciting. Somehow it’s very reassuring. Especially earlier when you defended him to his ex and said all those good things about him. 

He didn’t realize it right away but his heart did a thing then. He’s not really sure why and where it came from, but it happened several times the rest of the night at your balcony when you cupped his face and looked in his eyes and every time you leaned on his shoulder. 

It’s doing it again now, with you softly looking at him - despite the glassy eyes - standing by the couch as you tell him to just spend the night. 

“I’ll fix the sofa bed while you shower. I have some of Jimin’s clothes here that you can use.”

“Okay,” he responds. 

“Oh, and one last thing,” you say, before wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him close in an embrace.

“Tae told me to hug you,” you whisper.

Jungkook chuckles and he takes it. But you sigh and rest your chin against his shoulder then there goes his heart again. He flattens his palms on your back and pulls you in a little tighter. 

It lasts for a few seconds before you pull away, pinch his cheeks as you like to do, and gesture towards the bathroom.

“Toothbrush on the first drawer and towel on the second,” you say. 

“Got it. Thanks.”

You pull the levers on the couch to convert it into a bed then put sheets and pillows over it. You put away all your beer cans and turn on the humidifier. 

You get in the shower after he does and then find him still sitting on the bed when you finish. 

“Let’s sleep in tomorrow,” you say while combing your hair. “I’m sure I’ll feel all this alcohol and sore feet all morning.”

“Sure thing. Good night, ___.”

“You’ll be okay?”

“Yeah. I already am.”

Jungkook stays up for another hour just staring at your ceiling. There’s nothing particularly interesting about it but it connects him to where you are, just behind the half wall that separates your bed space from the rest of the apartment. 

You’re probably in deep sleep and he hopes it’s a good one. You’d spent much of the night filled with emotions related to him, from the anger over what Si-an said to the heartbreak over what he experienced. At the end of it was the assurance and shared hope over the good that you both deserve and the love you'll one day find.

The tenderness of your smile and the warmth of your embrace linger after all that. Even more concerning, at least for him, was the rapid beating of his heart whenever he saw your lips turn up or when you’d try to cheer him up or when you’d move closer to him. 

He acted unaffected, as if everything was natural. But the thing is - it is. You’re naturally like this. You’re emotional and encouraging, passionate and hopeful. You’ve called out your friends’ exes before, which always left them stunned and speechless. You’ve had hundreds of pep talks that Jungkook had been the receiver of or witnessed. 

And you’re affectionate, endearingly so. You have this fondness for all your friends, which they all return with the way they take care of you. You like to hug and cuddle and cling to people and it’s never meant anything more - not to you and as far as he knows, not to your other friends. 

But tonight, it felt different. It felt confusing. It also felt good, like something he wants to feel again. And maybe he will, as the thought of spending the next day with you invades his mind. 

He finally falls asleep after doing the trick he taught you not long ago, where he tenses his muscles then relaxes them. It’s the next morning when a loud thump from nearby wakes him up from sleep. 

He turns around, as he’d cocooned himself to one of the pillows, then finds you standing by the sofa bed, grimacing in pain. He sits up and rubs his eyes. 

“What happened to you?” He grunts.

“I was gonna wake you up but I stubbed my toe on the foot of the couch,” you frown. “It hurts.”

“Show me,” he instructs, scooting to the side so you could sit down and stretch your leg. “You’re such a child sometimes,” he teases. 

You playfully smile then remove your sleeping socks and wiggle your toes but wince again in pain when you do.

Jungkook assesses it and decides it’s nothing to be concerned about.

“It’s just bruised. It'll heal soon but just put ice on it for relief,” he says.

You nod and watch him stand to get your cold pack in the freezer. You place it on your toe while he washes up in your bathroom and you already feel better. He comes back out and you say you just ordered hangover soup for the both of you.

“Do you have coffee?”

“Yes, Kook. It’s the one thing I actually have,” you giggle, given that your non-cook ass doesn’t have anything else.

You usually just get your meals delivered. Your mom also occasionally sends containers of food to heat up and Mo-eum and Hayoung sometimes come to your apartment just to cook. It sounds pathetic, you know, which is why you bought yourself an air fryer to make you feel a little less helpless. 

You just put something in, turn a knob, then wait. You’ve only used it a few times but still, it doesn’t make you one of those people with staple ingredients in their pantries. It’s something your friends often tease you about.

Jungkook pulls out two drip coffee sachets from the jar and you limp towards the balcony. It’s 1PM - you really slept through to midday - and the autumn sky is beautiful today. It’s also quite chilly, but it’s the perfect weather to enjoy your hot coffee outdoors.

Jungkook arrives with your mugs and the teapot and gradually pours the water over. You sit in silence as you wait for the drink to be ready. You’re still slowly waking up and he seems to still be in that post-sleep daze. 

He hands you your coffee and you hum in satisfaction after your first sip.

“Hmm. Reminds me of the second morning in Chungbuk,” you hum.

Jungkook smiles. You were surprisingly the first two people from your cabin who were awake that time and you spent almost an hour just talking on the picnic table outside. There was chaos in both your minds but it was calm all around. He remembers that day fondly. 

“Tae messaged and wants to know what happened,” you inform him. “He said we’ll all have dinner tonight at his favorite Chinese restaurant. We can just chill and then I’ll drive us there. I can drive you home, for a change.”

A tiny smile forms on Jungkook’s face. 

“Sounds good.”

You eat your hangover soup on your tiny dining table, then you spend the rest of the short afternoon on your couch while watching random shows on TV. You talk and laugh then sit in silence, then talk and laugh again. 

It’s Jungkook and he’s used to your fluctuating energy by now. You’ve been friends for over 10 years and he knows how you are - blabbering one minute then zoning out the next. You never felt like you had to be a certain version of yourself around him. You go from berating and teasing him to asking him to take care of you. 

It’s how you are with all your friends though. It’s why your friendship has lasted this long. It’s also why you think you’re able to just comfortably sit next to him with your messy hair and raggedy pajama pants and whine about your toe. 

He just laughs and takes it all in. He doesn’t complain about you nor does he make you feel bad about anything you do. Just like all your friends, he’s supportive and dependable, and you suppose it’s what you’ll always need.

It’s 6:30 PM by the time you’re driving out of the basement parking lot to the restaurant, with you insisting that stepping on the gas doesn’t cause any pain on your toe. You arrive and are led to one of those private rooms because with your big group, it’s just always better to have your own space where you could be loud without much care for your surroundings. 

You sit next to Hoseok, who babies you about your little injury because he truly is the most doting one out of all your friends, and to Mo-eum, who engages you in side conversations because there’s always something for you to ramble about. 

You let Jungkook talk about last night. He mentions Si-an’s Instagram message and narrates the things she said, then he repeats the things that you said, almost in verbatim. You stop yourself from exploding at the memory of your exchange with her but it seems that your friends are making up for your hesitation, as a few of them curse and shake their heads in response.

He leaves out the part about Si-an cheating on him more than once, and you suppose it’s not a story he intends to share with others. He was vulnerable with you last night, so when he assures your friends that the past is something he’s already come to terms with and that he’s truly moved on, you send him a soft smile. 

Jungkook’s heart does that thing again, and like the trained teacher that he is, he knows how to keep his emotions in check and not show them on his face. 

He can’t help it though, not when he’s reminded of last night, especially with how you seemed affected again with just his narration. You were groaning under your breath earlier, clenching your fist, and pinching the corners of your eyes. 

But like you always are, at the end of that rage is a kind of gentleness that he used to take for granted. Now, it’s what he looks forward to, whether it’s a smile or a lean on his shoulder or a pinch of his cheek. 

The conversations continue around him but he finds himself still being drawn to you. He hopes the way he looks at you is as natural as it always had been; he hopes the effect of the leaping of his heart isn’t that obvious, either. 

There’s a moment when concern creeps in, as he tries to make sense of what he suddenly feels, as if he just woke up one day and started feeling differently. He knows it’s too soon to act on it, though, especially with him still trying to figure it all out. He doesn’t want to risk anything, especially if it’ll cost him your friendship.

He tries to rationalize it. Perhaps he might just be reacting to how you’d been protective of him and it’ll pass. It could also be just a harmless crush or a fleeting one. He might also still be hungover. Or maybe it’s a result of how much time you’ve been spending together since your trip to Chungbuk, which hasn’t happened for a while, so maybe spending less time with you will return things to normal. 

He decides that not making too much effort to be around you will help stabilize himself and his stubborn heart. That is, until Taehyung makes an announcement, which apparently is the reason why he asked for this dinner.

“So… I got the call earlier,” he starts, looking around at everyone’s expectant faces. “I got the role on Broadway. I’m heading to New York!”

The room erupts in excitement and Taehyung sports that proud and appreciative boxy smiley of his while he gets hugs and high-fives.

“There’s been a delay with production but I’m one of the first casts. They wanted to lock me in right away because they know I’m eyeing another show,” he explains. “But I fly in May and the shows start in October. I’m so excited.”

“Oh, our Tae,” Hayoung says. “We’re so proud of you! We’re definitely flying out to watch.”

“Yes! It’ll run for a couple of months so there’s time,” he nods. “But since I’ll be leaving again and the holidays are coming up soon, I was thinking of going on a trip.”

“To where?” Several of you ask. 

“Hmm, any suggestions?” He asks back.

“Let’s go to Sapporo!” Jimin chirps.

It’s a place you’ve all talked about going to before, especially after your trip to Tokyo some time ago, so it’s not hard to convince everyone to agree. The planning begins and you all decide on a mid-December trip so it’s the school holidays and the rest can take their leaves. Some are checking out hotels while the others are searching up what to eat and where to stay.

Jungkook tries to process all the different conversations happening all at once but his mind goes back to his thoughts from earlier. So much for trying to spend less time with you. Now he’s thinking of those few days - snow, food, warmth… and you. 

And if he’s being honest, he can’t wait for December to come.

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[carriesthewind]

I reread the IA's contemporaneous post justifying their "National Emergency Library", and one of the things that struck me is just how selfish it was.

(It was also full of falsehoods, ranging from exaggeration to outright lies, but that's another matter.)

While 2020 feels like it was several decades in the past, it was actually only a few years ago. And I remember March of 2020! I was there! And oh my god, is this post right in line with every other selfish, demanding asshole determined to make a global pandemic all about themselves!

First of all, there is the language of the post - it is a "tremendous and historic outage" that books are unavailable to patrons because libraries are closed for the pandemic. "Right now, today, there are 650 million books that tax-paying citizens have paid to access that are sitting on shelves in closed libraries, inaccessible to them."

Missing from this outrage is a recognition that, like. Librarians are people. They get sick, and die.

They did get sick, and died.

Libraries were closed not only to protect patrons and the public, but librarians too. Libraries were closed to protect people, human beings. Because generally speaking, even the most enthusiastic supporters of access to books and knowledge, prioritize lives over books.

The AI's post, however, reeks of an entitlement to things that *my* tax dollars paid for. Libraries and library collections aren't a public good. They're something *I* should be able to access anytime I want, damn the context or the consequences.

(Was it also a historic outrage when I had to wait several months to check out Nona the Ninth, because so many other people were checking it out?)

Second, as I said, I remember early 2020. And in spring and summer of 2020, there was more free content on the internet than before or since. So many people and so many institutions were bending over backwards to provide people with books and tv shows and music and podcasts and virtual tours and collections and just about anything that someone could figure out how to digitize. So many people were giving away books for free, or writing/recording new content to give away for free. I can't even remember how many times I heard or read someone telling their readers or listeners just to pay what they could, if they could. So many people and institutions were giving away so much, do so much, to provide access to knowledge and books and entertainment and information.

And in that moment, the IA decided to steal from people. When so many people, so many authors, were acting so selflessly, they decided that it wasn't good enough. And instead of giving away themselves, they decided to steal from authors and pat themselves on the back for "meet[ing] this unprecedented need," when they didn't even actually do anything themselves. Or maybe more accurately, the only thing they did was something irrelevant to the actual needs of the community, something they wanted to do anyway, something to try to use a pandemic as an excuse to advance their agenda.

Because third, there is zero concern for the population of patrons actually most impacted by the closure. The IA cares, to a fault, only about information being digitized.* But many people who use physical libraries, many of the people most impacted by their closure, are people who do not have access to the AI's so-called "open library." And people who could access digital books generally continued to have access to their library's e-book services, and to tons of other free content. The patrons who were actually in the most need are ignored as irrelevant.

*And I want to be clear - they care that information is digitized, not about digital access. "Access" means more than information being digitized and theoretically being able to be read.

It's so clear that IA didn't really care about the patrons of physical libraries. Instead, they saw a real problem, and instead of working toward any solutions, decided to use it as a prop to push their own agenda. (Again, while people were dying.)

It's just all so deeply selfish.