#also buck: when i see them together i feel like...sad and violent? wait...am i...a bad ally?

[leashybebes]

snippet saturday

tagged by @apollabarnes, thank you beloved. here's an allying snippet which i am slowly making progress on a hundred words at a time basically.

also, fun story, going from spending the last three days thinking about tommy 'the man is 95% interiority' kinard angst to trying to write s1 allying buck, king of the unexamined thought angst is giving me whiplash

Buck finishes his beer. "I'm gonna leave you guys to it," he says and they startle apart like they've forgotten he's there, which…ouch. But fair. This is what Buck gets for hanging out with a couple.

"You sure?" Tommy asks.

"Yeah," Buck says. "I have a date." It's a lie, but it won't take him long to find one. Kind of a date, anyway.

The look Tommy gives him, the tone in his voice when he says, "Have fun," says he knows exactly what kind of 'date' Buck's talking about.

"It was great to meet you," Derek offers.

"Yeah, you too," Buck says. "Have a good night, guys."

When he gets to the door, he glances back, just in time to see Derek's hand land on the back of Tommy's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. His stomach churns weirdly, a combination of a beer too many, not enough food, and maybe a little loneliness. Hanging out with couples is the worst.

He gets on Tinder as he walks down the street, matches with a girl, meets her in a bar. He makes her come twice in the bathroom, three more times in her own bed. His heart's not particularly in it by the time he gets off, but she falls asleep in the crook of his arm which is nice until around 2am when she kicks him out because her roommate doesn't like 'strange guys' spending the night.

When Buck gets back to his own place at almost 3 three in the damn morning he crashes into bed and stays there until the early afternoon sun on his face wakes him.

not onward tagging because i've just realised it's atcually sunday and also i have no idea who's writing, who's on a break, and who's still chewing on the dialogue and the gifs that cake out of thursday's ep.

[stressedoutcanary]

Family Matters - Batfamily x Reader

Summary: A surprise birthday party and Batfamily being chaotic.

“That's it Dick just a little to the right...No the other right...No! Not there you goofus! Just...Just get down from the chandelier before it comes crashing down on the rest of us and For God's Sake let Duke handle the ribbons before you somehow strangle yourself with them”

Warnings ⚠️: Fluff, lots of it, angst because I can’t help myself, Reader has got some parental issues. Hurt/Comfort.

Word count: 2.4k

A/N: I wanted some good dad Bruce content so I did it myself. Also I might have been influenced by a post I made a while back about Bruce and his children. I haven't used reader's pronouns anywhere so it's kinda gender neutral.

I don’t know where I was going with this, my imagines are often like a train derailed from its track but I think it’s fine. So Enjoy ;)  

•°•°•°•°

"Focus (Y/S/N), don't jump in in blind, assessing what action your opponent is about to undertake and countering it out before they can complete that action, this is the key lesson for you today", Batman's commanding voice echoed in the enclosed area of the batcave as he observed you attempting to roundhouse kick the boy in front of you. It was rather rashly executed with the hope of knocking him down which, for obvious reasons, only ended up with your leg connecting with nothing but thin air.

'Damn he is fast when he actually tries.'

"Easy for you to say Old Man! You aren't the one dancing with Mister Duckboy, the teen wonder over here!", you exclaimed, panting as your chest heaved from the exertion.

"Duckboy?!", Tim looked near scandalized as you grinned in return, stealing a glance towards the giggling crowd gathered near the stairs.

Everyone was already in the cave, it was a rare occurrence, it happened only when the issues of upmost importance were being discussed. Today was one of those days; The planning of Alfred Pennyworth's surprise birthday party.

However things usually went a lot less violent, this day every year. The sparring session this year was the result of you messing up, real bad while on patrol last night and since you were around the same age as Tim, he was found to be the most appropriate partner for it. The only drawback was that he had a staff in his hands while your weapons were confiscated, because in Bruce's words 'you rely on them too much'. You were already tired and Tim had a huge advantage over you, if you wanted to win this match you had to be quick and efficient at the same time.

Distracting Tim by your comment allowed you to have an opening, gathering all your strength you went in for a forward strike. Unfortunately he was more than ready to take you on, he crouched down, narrowly missing your punch then proceeded to swipe your legs off of the ground with his bo staff making you fall butt first on the floor.

"Congratulations you've managed to hurt both my ass and my ego, Timbers", You said laying back on the ground, hands and legs spread out and instead of helping you up, Tim joined you on the floor sitting next to you. You gave him a look that was equivalent to 'next time I get the chance, I am going to push you off a roof'.

"Your skills need improvement", Bruce said in his monotonous tone as you grunted knowing that a full ass lecture was gonna follow, but before he could get another word out, Jason chimed in with a statement no one ever expected to hear from him,"You know (Y/N), he's not wrong in fact I think the old man's actually got a point."

Jaws dropped to floor, Tim looked like he just saw a ghost, Dick who was standing near Barbara pinched himself to see whether he was dreaming or not, Damian snapped his neck up from where he was sharpening his katana, even Titus and Ace perked their heads up at the sudden silence that settled over the place. Barbara, Cass, Duke and Steph looked equally shocked.

"Before you all get any ideas, what I'm trying to say is you better pay attention because B over here won't be able to save your ass, 'cause if you slack off the next thing you know you would be in a warehouse with a maniac, getting blown to bits", Jason looked at Bruce with accusing eyes.

'And here I thought he was finally going to say something sensible', you thought to yourself as he continued,

"Take it from someone who has had that experience, you guys remember right? The fact that I--"

"Died, we know!!", everyone groaned at the same time and Bruce looked like he had to physically restrain himself from faceplaming.

"Okay! Guys how about we go ahead and do the thing we all actually came here to do instead of... whatever this conversation was", you suggested, getting up and patting the dust off your clothes.

"Well then someone has got to ask the important question here", Barbara looked around as she worded her sentence,"who is going to be the one to keep Alfred busy while we get everything ready?"

Once again the cave went silent. For a whole bunch of detectives, you all were very, very scared of Alfred, including Bruce even though he will never admit it, lying to The old-butler-cum-grandpa and making random excuses for the whole 3 hours was a thought dreadful enough to make all of you exchange petrified glances at each other hoping someone would step forward to do the job.

"I'll do it", dick raised his hand.

"NO!", everyone snapped and Dick's head tilted with a pout.

"You are good at doing a lot of stuff boy wonder, hiding things from Alfred isn't one of them", Barbara comforted Dick as Damian stepped up next.

"*tt* Since none of you imbeciles have the courage or the ability to do it. I shall be the one to handle Pennyworth. Gordon, Cain and Titus, I will require your assistance", Damian spoke or rather commanded as he went up the stairs, followed by the group he chose.

"Don't mess this up for us, you gremlin!"

"Tim!", you lightly jabbed him in the side with your elbow.

"Ow! What?"

"Be nice", you narrowed your eyes and he understood you were being serious.

"Fine I'll try, but don't blame me if he starts something", Tim shrugged carelessly. You shook your head and let out an audible sigh as you followed everyone else up towards the manor.

•°•°

"That's it Dick just a little to the right...No the other right...No! Not there you goofus! Just...Just get down from the chandelier before it comes crashing down on the rest of us and For God's Sake let Duke handle the ribbons before you somehow strangle yourself with them", you eyed him worriedly.

"Oh come (Y/N) it'll be fine!", the cheerfulness in his voice made you cock an eyebrow at him from below. Duke slid in beside you.

"10 bucks says he will somehow fall within the next hour"

"Oh Duke you should know better, 20 says he'll fall within 30 minutes", you turned towards him with an evil smile.

"What are you both talking about down there?"

"NOTHING!", you both said in unison on which Dick gave you a confused look.

"Oh Hey look Steph needs my help with the cake so, see ya!", you quickly moved to the other side of the room checking in with Stephanie and Tim. She gave you a thumbs up to signal that everything was going according to plan and the place was almost ready. Everyone was laughing, bickering, having fun, it was all very rare and seeing it, a warm feeling spread throughout you.

You smiled to yourself for a moment but it faltered and a frown pulled up at your lips, a sorrowful thought crossed your mind, something you always kept buried deep down. Looking around and seeing as nobody needed your help at the moment you decided to slip out of the chaos, taking slow steps towards the patio to clear your head.

•°•°

Leaning against the railing you thought back to how you left your house this morning telling your mother that you are going to stay at your friend's place for a while and how she just waved her hand at that, not even questioning you anymore. Your mind was completely elsewhere, despite the awe-inspiring dense forest right in front of you, your eyes were lost in space.

You registered, a bit too late, the presence of someone standing beside you.

"It is a nice view, but something tells me that's not what brought to out here, away from everyone else"

"Careful there Brucie or people might think that you are actually capable of some emotions which happen include caring for people", you retorted back at him. It was always a sort of defense mechanism for you, whenever you felt exposed you countered it with snarky remark.

You closed your eyes hoping that Bruce would just walk away. But he didn't. He stayed there.

Bruce leaned on the railing beside you and waited. You took a deep breath, contemplating you next move carefully.

"...Look It's really silly so can we drop it?", you whispered wondering why in the world would Bruce of all people, care about your feelings.

"Talk to me (Y/N). I can tell when something is bothering you, I may not be your father, but you are my family.", unlike usual, his voice was gentle and genuine when he spoke to you.

"I am really not a fan of surprise birthdays", you stated, starting off vaguely.

"And why is that?"

"Because I...It's silly but this one time I spent a whole week working on a birthday gift for my mom, it was like a craft pop up box which had multiple photos of us together, I made that from scratch! everything in it I made that, I worked hard for it, I did it out of love but when I gave her that surprise gift you know what she said Bruce! She said that I wasted my time that she would've been much happier if I had focused on my studies, she never even once said that she liked it and I--", you looked at him with tears brimming in your eyes, threatening to spill.

"I don't know Bruce, it-it just makes me feel sad you know? every little thing reminds me that my mother doesn’t seem to love me anymore. There is this constant thought in my mind that no one cares about me, about what I do for them and I don’t know what to do with a thought like that."

"That's not true, look around you kiddo, you are surrounded by people who would do anything for you, who love you from the bottom of their hearts", Bruce finally looked at you, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"That's the thing! I am not an orphan!", you blurted out and Bruce looked more confused than ever.

"I'm aware"

"No! No you are not. I am not one of those kids you picked up from somewhere, I don't live here, Like I am sure you people aren't even sane, hell! you all make up the most dysfunctional family I have ever seen! I don’t belong here, you people have no reason to care about", Bruce gave you a sideways look, slightly chuckling at your sudden description of the people in the manor.

"But I still love everyone, my mom, you, every dumbass inside the manor right now, no matter much pain they cause me and I don't get why", this time when he looked at you, you didn't look like the vigilante who sucker punched The Riddler in the face last night, you looked like a scared little kid who is lost.

Bruce stood up straight and wrapped you in a hug. Something you never expected to happen in a million years. The shocked settled in after a bit and you wrapped your hands around him, burying your face in his chest.

"The people we love are still people at the end of the day. They act out, and sometimes they let us down, hurt us even, but that doesn't mean we stop loving them. For every bad memory, there will always be a good one that will get you through it. I promise you that (Y/N)", Bruce pulled away and gave you a warm smile. You couldn't help but smile back, your face matching his.

"Okay who are you and what have you done with Bruce Wayne? because I don't recognize this man who is full of emotions and on top of that, is giving free hugs right now", you broke into a grin, making Bruce's face go back to the stoic version.

"If you tell anyone, I will deny it"

"Sure you will"

Suddenly a clattering sound came from the hall, alerting you both. This, however, was followed by a 'I'm okay!' By the one Dick Grayson, which in turn was followed by Duke's 'Oh no!'

"Any idea what that was about?", Bruce inquired raising an eyebrow as you burst out laughing.

"That, you big softie, was the sound of me getting my 20 dollars, now let's get back before they destroy everything."

•°•°

You and Bruce entered back into the hall, everyone was gathered around waiting for Damian and his group to signal the beloved butler's arrival. You stood next to Tim as Jason moved towards the switches to turn off the lights.

"Okay I'll bite why are you covered in frosting before the party even started?"

"Steph", Tim replied, too tired to elaborate, leaving you giggling.

Barbara, Cass and Damian rushed through the door, looking close to terrified, with Titus tagging along.

"He is here, HIDE!", Damian said quickly closing the doors.

After a few moments, the door creaked open and Alfred's voice came through, "Master Damian, you and I will have words for what you did to-- Oh my", he was stuck to his position at the door, too shocked to say anything more after looking at the decorations and bunch gathered around an enormous cake.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALFRED!!", you all exclaimed with extreme excitement.

As the party went on you noticed that there was, in fact, a broken chandelier broomed to the side, later on there were a few not-at-all-safe stunts performed by the boys, some really bad puns made by Dick, all sorts of shenanigans by the others and cake, lots of cake. You looked around, everyone was busy doing something but now you knew Bruce was right:

You have one hell of a family, original, found or otherwise. And you love them all no matter what.

°•°•°•°•

Tags: @thesesickfics-justmakemesick

[shut-it-tinman]

green light

character: bucky barnes

inspo: songfic of lorde’s first track on her sophomore album, melodrama

warnings: break-ups, mentions of drinking, some swearing, past mentions of death, past mentions of cheating, mentions of lying, gossip

word count: +1.6k

a/n: wow it’s been ages, sorry about that, but I am working on multiple things so hopefully more to come. also never got to post this on here, though I did on ao3 and wattpad. this was written a while ago. but yeah, hope you enjoy!

The car ride was shaky, and both Y/N and Jemma dreaded that they had let Natasha drive them. Wanda was fine, constantly saying that she’s dealt with worse with her brother trying for the fourth time for his driver’s license.

“Romanoff! Can you slow down? I’m trying to put my eyeliner on,” Y/N whined, as the car jerked violently into one direction, causing her to have a long wing on her left eyelid.

“Why what’s wro- oh my god that’s fucking hilarious,” Daisy giggled. Y/N groaned as she tried to look into her phone screen using it as a mirror.

“You would have finished your makeup if you didn’t insist on taking a nap before we would leave for the party,” Jemma said, snickering at her eyeliner wings.

“Is it all gone?” Y/N said, facing Daisy. She nodded.

“Yep, just a little bit right there,” she said, reaching her arm out to wipe the smudged eyeliner in the corner of her eye.

“Thanks,” Y/N said, “and now I’m done.”

“Finally,” Wanda grumbled, “because we’re here.”

The club that the gals had gone to, the one that they all frequented after their college lives, was dark, crowded, and loud with music.

“Hey, isn’t that Bucky?” Daisy whispered to Y/N as they walked into the club. Wanda gave Daisy a look and elbowed her.

“Ouch! What? I thought that their relationship was over.” Jemma rolled her eyes at the brown-haired girl.

“Their relationship is never really over, not when she’s still in the picture.” Y/N looked over to where Daisy had mentioned, and there he was, nursing a drink, probably something hard, like whiskey or bourbon, but he also seemed to be brooding over something.

“I’m gonna go say hi,” she decided, sauntering over to him.

“Y/N, I don’t think that’s a good idea since-” Jemma said, floundering to try and grab her arm before she left.

“Well there she goes, and she’s gonna have her heart broken again,” Natasha muttered.

“C’mon, let’s go take a seat and watch for her,” Daisy said, ushering them to a booth in almost line of sight from where Bucky was.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming,” Y/N said, taking a seat next to him.

“I was surprised that you called me,” Bucky replied, taking a sip of his drink. A bartender came to her attention as soon as she sat down, so she ordered a random cocktail that she could think of off the top of her head.

“I’m surprised that you’re now a cocktail kinda gal,” he said, downing his glass.

“Well, you seem to be into new things lately as well,” she said as the bartender set down her drink. She reached over to her purse, looking for her wallet.

“Let me get that since you’ve paid for mine last time.” She mumbled her thanks and took a long sip of her cocktail. “Brian, you can just put her drink on my tab, thanks,” he said with a smirk and a wink. Brian nodded and walked away.

“So how have you been?” she said. He raised an eyebrow at her.

“How have I been? Well great, Georgie and I have been great, fantastic, if that’s what’s you’re asking,” he with a smirk that he what was coming. He always did. Every Friday night, Y/N and her gal pals would plan to go out, and she would secretly invite Bucky to each gathering. And he would bring Georgiana just in spite of her. And she would yell, curse and even slap (only twice, unfortunately) him for bringing her along, especially since their relationship is technically not over.

“We’ve actually been thinking in buying a house on the beachfront,” he blabbed on and on.

“Wait, I thought you hated the beach,” she said, interrupting him.

“No I don’t. You hate the beach.” She looked incredulous, annoyed at him.

“I LOVE the beach, and you would always make a fuss whenever I would drag you along to the beachfront parties.” Bucky shrugged his shoulders, effortless and uninterested.

“I don’t what you’re saying, I loved going to the beach, and you were the one who would always make a bi-” And one slender arm wrapped around Bucky stopped him from talking any further.

“Hey Y/N, nice dress, though I heard it was from last season,” Georgiana said, all smiling with glistening teeth, but snarky as usual. Y/N rolled her eyes and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the storm.

“Georg, you’re here,” Bucky said, his eyes softening at her appearance. He softly kissed her on the cheek, while Georgiana fluttered in utter joy. Y/N forced herself to withstand it, gripping her hands together from slapping the both of them but also rolling her eyes at their attempts of affection.

“Like I was saying Y/N, you may need to head into that charity shop that Bucky’s been tellin’ me that you love to find something that doesn't reek of desperation and yesterday’s mistakes.” Those words burned at Y/N, the urge to provoke her was rushing to the edge, closer and closer. He had told her. And she went there to donate the clothes that she felt she didn't need, to give to those less fortunate. He told Georgia and twisted the story. Not that shopping at thrift stores was a bad thing. They have the best Christmas sweaters for the cheapest price. She refocused herself, baring down any bad choices surfacing that she would regret later.

“Thanks Georgia, I really appreciate your fashion sense, and fuck you Bucky,” she said, sauntering away with her drink, back to her friends.

It seems as if Georgiana wanted to comment back, but Bucky tried to calm her down, like there was some sense of guilt and genuinity left for Y/N.

Eighteen Months Ago

“What are you doing?” she giggled, as he awkwardly bounced around to the techno music that thumped in the club.

“Y/N, what does it look like I’m doing? I’m dancing,” he said with a goofy grin.

“Oh my god, you’re insane.” He shrugged, leaning in closer to her. Bucky wrapped his arms around her neck, and they stared into each other’s eyes. “This feels like a thing that people used to do in high school dances, not techno clubs,” she whispered, smiling softly. He stared into her warm eyes, and his lips curved into a wry smile.

“I love you.” Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Wha-what did say?”

“I love you.” Y/N smiled, her heart growing by the minute at his confession.

“I love you too.” Bucky leaned in, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

This was the first time that he said the L-word.

Bucky had always believed that the word was reserved for “the person.” The person that he would say “I love you” to, would be his forever and always. Those words were the steady nod that he was in this for real, that this was real. And it was. Until something traumatic happened.

“He’s a dick. Like a super, dough-bag dick.” Daisy declared once Y/N settled back to their table. Y/N half chuckled in response, but her heart wasn’t in it.

“Y/N, that sad picture of a man doesn’t deserve all the attention that you’re giving him,” Wanda said, rubbing Y/N’s shoulders in comfort.

“How does he seem to be at all the clubs that we go to?” Jemma said, thinking outloud. Everyone shrugged, some curious while others didn’t care for the reasoning why Bucky Barnes and his bitchy girlfriend seemed to ruin their nights for the past two months.

“That’s odd. Unless he and his crazy, bitchy girlfriend are stalking us, someone is telling him, because there is no way that it’s mere coincidence,” Natasha reasoned, taking a few sips of her Russian Vodka cocktail. All the girls looked at each other with steely eyes. Then, something clicked in all of their heads; they all turned to Y/N.

“Y/N,” Daisy said, touching the woman’s shoulder gently, “have you been telling Bucky where to meet up with us?” Y/N looked up at her friends, nervous.

“Maybe?” she squeaked.

“Oh Y/N,” Jemma sighed. They all looked at her in sympathy.

“Babe, you have to get over him. Move on. Break the ties,” Natasha said.

“Okay,” Y/N said, nodding. “I’ll do it. Just not tonight. I don’t think I can handle it anymore.” The other girls nodded, and they all stood up from their booth.

“Well that was a night,” Daisy said.

“Sure was,” Jemma said, as they were walking out the door.

Y/N trailed behind them, watching them ask the valet for their communal car.

“Y/N, aren’t you coming?” Wanda said, turning back. The other girl nodded.

“You go ahead, I just need a minute.” Wanda gave her a smile, before darting off.

The club was still loud and full of energy as the night was winding down. Y/N could spot Bucky and Georgiana still sitting at the bar. A small part of her was waiting for him to look at her, but he didn’t. And then, she was okay with it.

She smiled to herself as she walked out, glad that she wasn’t gonna fall back down that hole again.

Bucky looked up, having the sense that someone was watching him. And he saw her, leaving, with no regrets. His heart panged, regretting all the pain that he had put her through. And he realized that it was the last time that he’ll ever see her again.

To: Bucky Dickbag Barnes

Since you didn’t have the courage to dump me yet, guess I’ll jump ahead. Also, since you’re such a dickbag, I’m breaking up with you over the phone.

And fuck you Buck.

[literarytrashcollection]

Where Are Any of Us Going? (Part 10/10): I Might Have Already

(Bucky x Reader) Final installment in this fic! Let me know what you thought!

The week leading up to the mission was spent in training. Bucky spent most of it hitting things nearby, whether with fists or knives or bullets was determined by what I was learning. He didn’t say much to me during that time, but he always hovered nearby, his face set in a permanent scowl as he watched Natasha beat the ever loving shit out of me daily.

Some days, he’d let me train with him. He would correct my posture, or my stance, or how I was throwing my punches, but it always came out clipped and gruff.

When we finally got alone time at the end of the night, he would sit close to me, his arm pressed against mine or my leg draped over his, but he still wouldn’t really speak. Before bed, he would remind me how much he loved me, how scared he was about what I was about to do, that he wasn’t mad at me, just the world. That made me feel slightly better about the Winter Shoulder ™ everyone seemed to be getting from him.

By the time it was time for me to leave, he was all but vibrating with barely controlled rage. But he was still sweet; he hugged me for a long time, his fingers pressing into my skin. I could feel rather than hear his ragged breathing and when he pulled away, he just turned around and stalked off, his shoulders tight.

I wish I could’ve done something to ease his suffering, just a little bit. He thought he was saying goodbye.

The plane ride was silent. Tony piloted the jet while Steve sat across from me, reading another Star Wars installment. It was a surreal feeling, knowing that I was going on a mission with the Avengers, something people only ever dreamed about.

By God, I didn’t want any of it.

Bucky’s flight was taking off approximately twelve hours after ours. By that time, we’d be in our hotel, radio silent in case anyone was listening, baiting our time until we had to get into position. I wouldn’t be able to call him and let him know that we landed okay. I wouldn’t be able to wish him well on his trip.

“Y/N,” Steve shook my shoulder and my eyes snapped open. “Hey, sorry, you fell asleep. We’re here.”

I stood up and stretched hard, following him out the door and onto the helicopter pad on top of the hotel Tony had rented for us. Tony talked for a few minutes with someone from the hotel and then passed us both room keys.

“No room service,” he winked and turned on his heel, walking inside. Steve stayed next to me as I followed, his heavy steps almost as silent as Bucky’s.

Steve stayed with me until I got to my room, and even then, he waited until I was securely inside before going down to his room. Good guy Steve.

I dropped my bag on the floor and flopped on the bed, burying my face under the pillows. Maybe if I suffocated myself a little bit, I could go home. No. Steve would just tell me I was being stupid, that I would be hurting Bucky, and I would end up staying.

I turned on a movie and curled up instead, hiding beneath my comforter to stare out the window at the night sky. City lights made it not so dark, a welcome reminder of home. If I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine being back in the tower. Bucky could just be out on a run with Steve and Sam.

My day dreaming was rudely interrupted by Steve slipping in. “Y/N, you seem more… down than usual.” He commented, sitting on the end of my bed with his back to me. “Are you sure you’re okay to do this?”

“Do I really have a choice at this point?” I asked, peeking my head over the top of my blanket slightly.

He glanced back at me, his eyes were sad. “I suppose not.” His shoulders slouched a little and he scooted back so he was sitting next to me, my back to him as I remained in my little safety cocoon. “Bucky knows what you’re really doing, doesn’t he?”

I nodded a little, nestling down into my pillows.

“That explains why he’s been such a jerk lately.” He sighed and tentatively rubbed my back a little. “I see how scared you are. If I could, I would send you right back home so you never had to deal with this. I know Buck would appreciate that more too.”

“Aren’t you all about fighting the bully? Wouldn’t this be one of those scenarios?”

He shrugged a little. “If you want to fight the bully, then hell yeah. I see how violent and strong you are. You’d be good at it. But I also understand standing by and letting the people who are literally in charge of taking care of this stuff, take care of it.”

I nodded, rolling over so I could look at him. “What if I don’t come back?”

“You will. You’re indestructible, remember?”

“But what if they know how to destroy me? Maybe their plan all along was for me to be made of metal. Bucky was right, a big enough magnet would probably put me out.”

He shrugged again. “No way of knowing until it happens. If it goes bad, I will be there as soon as I can to help you.”

I sighed and scooted closer, resting my head in his lap for comfort. “I wish Bucky could’ve held it together long enough for me to get out the door. His fear and worry is only making me fear and worry more.”

Steve rested his hand on my shoulder and relaxed a little. “He’s always been good at hiding that stuff behind humor. That just kind of goes to show how scared his is.”

“You’re not helping,”

“I know, I’m sorry,” he sighed. “Did I ever tell you about the time when he got his orders and was leaving and literally had to pull a guy twice my size off me?”

I shook my head. Steve chuckled a little and launched into the story, then several more about his childhood with Bucky. It was reassuring. And it was distracting. I fell asleep, listening to Steve talk about Bucky.

“We’re leaving in ten,” Tony yelled through my door as I tried to shimmy into the bulletproof suit.

“I feel like a sausage being shoved into its casing,” I yelled back, jumping enough to finally get the suit over my hips. That was the hard part. Everything else was easy. I grabbed my jeans and the hoodie I had swiped from Bucky and shoved my feet into hiking boots, literally running after Steve and Tony as they walked towards the elevator.

Steve held the door while I squeezed in next to him and Tony and then we were on our way to the lobby. Tony drove, once we found the car he rented. Steve sat in the passenger seat, checking over all the coms and his gear.

It took almost two hours to arrive at our destination. Once there, the guys readied up, getting into their gear and confirming all of the coms and trackers were operational. Then I had a mile hike into the middle of the woods.

Steve was in my ear the entire hike, telling me more stories to keep me calm. I was alone, in a foreign country, on my way to meet my death.

“Quick question, can I get, like, a Valium for the nerves?” I joked, studying the trees that all looked the same. Tony piped up every now and then to make sure that I was going the right direction or steer me, but otherwise, he stayed quiet. My joke seemed to startle a chuckle out of him.

“Y/N, you’re nearing the clearing. Start hollering.” Tony said quietly.

I took a deep breath and did as I was told, yelling for help, telling some sob story about wanting to know why I was different, more yelling for help, still marching forward.

By the time I stepped into the clearing, there were five men in the middle of it, military grade assault weapons pointed at me, five red laser sighted dots hovering somewhere over my heart.

One of them started shouting at me in another language. When I didn’t reply, he yelled louder, a vein popping out against his forehead. When that didn’t work, another spoke up in broken English. “Speak your name!”

“Y/N Y/L/N!” I called back, hands over my head. I could feel Steve’s shield pressed against my arm and it comforted me knowing that if any of these guys tried to shoot me, I could at least protect myself for a little while.

The men whispered amongst each other for a moment before the weapons were lowered and the leader waved at me, holding his arm out invitingly. I stepped forward, dropping my arms. He led me by my shoulder to a hatch under a thick, sharp bush. Three of the men went down first, then me, then the last two. The hand and foot holds were slightly damp and absolutely freezing under my metal fingers.

“You’re doing great, Y/N,” Steve said almost silently in the ear piece.

We dropped down into a dark, moist tunnel, HYDRA emblems painted on the walls every couple hundred feet.

“Still getting good audio, visual and tracking signals,” Tony whispered.

The halls became twisty and winding as we went deeper underground, finally arriving in a large control room with hundreds of computers and just as many employees manning them. Easy.

The men led me through the control room to an office space, where one man sat behind a desk with four computer monitors on it. The monitors held images of the surrounding area.

“Y/N!” The man said loudly, his words thick with an accent I couldn’t place. “I was beginning to wonder if I’d lost you.” He looked like a heavy set man while seated, but as soon as he stood up, I realized that he was actually just a very tall, very big man. Stocky, despite his height.

“What did you do to me?” I asked, the words slipping from my lips before I could stop myself.

He ran his eyes over me, then nodded to the guards to leave. The door latched behind me and my heart skipped a beat. “I think you already know what we did to you. You’ve spent a good amount of time with the Avengers. Probably sent here to kill me for them.”

“They don’t know who you are. They don’t know I’m here.” I thought my voice sounded smooth, even, sure, but there was a glint in his eye. I think he knew.

“I’m sure you’re right, they don’t know who I am.” He nodded, walking around the desk and circling me, examining me. “Seems like they’ve given you an upgrade.”

“Stark was very generous.” I muttered. My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it. “I’m just a normal girl. Why did you do this to me?”

The man, I still didn’t know his name, stopped his examination and stood in front of me, a whole head and a half taller. Even with my extra strength, I was sure this man could still crush me like a bug. “Because you were available. You were young. You were grief stricken and unlikely to notice the extras we’d given you.”

“A crime of convenience?”

“You could say that.” He nodded, leaning back to sit against his desk. “And you were pretty. Pretty enough to win the hearts of the Avengers. Plain enough to be invisible in a crowd. Distraught enough to be a loner. You were a wonderful candidate.”

“What about the metal skin and bones?”

“That was just an added bonus!” He said cheerfully. “Both experiments ended up working beautifully, I see!”

“Stark gave me something to solidify my bones. They were like wet cement, he said.” I needed to seem cooperative.

The man nodded, stroking his chin a little. “Seems like they gave you a great many gifts. Enough that any young woman would feel indebted to them.”

“I, uh—” I floundered for a moment, trying to come up with a convincing lie.

“Of course, you’re also romantically involved with our greatest weapon yet, the Winter Soldier.” He rounded his desk again, tapping on his keyboard then turned a monitor to show me. “Him, yes?”

Before me was a CCTV image of Bucky in downtown Chicago, with Natasha.

“We’ve kept tabs on him too.” The man nodded.

“Because I’m like generation two?”

The man nodded again, leaning back in his chair. “Something like that. Remote control. Hidden prosthetics. Much easier to hide in a crowd.”

I chewed my lip, watching Bucky walk down a crowded sidewalk with Nat next to him, their lips moving in a conversation that I couldn’t hear.

“I’ll offer you a deal, Y/N.” The man said. “I will let him live if you work for me.”

“And if I don’t?”

He shrugged. “You both die. Waste of perfectly good parts, if you ask me. But regardless, a promise is a promise.”

I could hear Tony and Steve swearing in the background, then Tony talking on the phone with Nat. Go to ground, go to ground. Get out of there. You’re not safe. Tony’s words echoed through my head.

“I’m gonna need a clean up crew.” I announced. Tony and Steve both shut up and the man in front of me frowned. I slipped the gun Natasha had given me out of my hoodie pocket, the gun she had given me on Bucky and my first date, and fired before the man could even get a word in edgewise. I wasn’t there to listen to him threaten me.

He slumped in his chair and I immediately moved him in front of the door, using him and his chair to hold it shut as I shoved the USB stick into the port on his computer. A black pop up appeared on the screen and then a download bar appeared next to it.

The door started to bulge under the pressure of the men trying to get in.

“Y/N! WHAT THE HELL?” Steve shouted at me through the coms. “Not the plan, not the plan, not the PLAN!”

“Sorry, Steve. I don’t have time for threats.”

“Well, you’re going to have to hold off the entire fucking army down there until we can cut a path through to you.” Tony yelled. I took a deep breath and checked the gun to see how many bullets I still had. I also had Tony’s blasters and Cap’s shield.

And the dead guy, a voice in the back of my head whispered. It happened to be right. Upon searching his pockets, I found another pistol, a revolver with six beautifully unfired rounds.

The door burst open and I blasted the crowd that tried to shove through, men and women in black HYDRA suits with guns all trained on me. I deployed Steve’s shield, using the leader man’s desk to hide behind too as bullets hailed down around me. My hoodie was shredded. Thankfully, that was the worst of the damage done to me.

The pistols ran out fast and very few of the bullets actually made their targets.

Maybe that night at the charity event really was just coincidence, I thought as I blasted the next wave of agents. I grabbed one of their rifles and pulled the trigger, drawing the firing end across the doorway as I prayed. A line of agents fell and my face turned up in a small smile. Spray ‘n’ pray it is.

By the time Tony and Steve got down to me, I had amassed quite the collection of dead bodies. As soon as Steve was in sight, something in me disconnected and I fell to my knees, retching as I looked over all of the bloodshed at my own hand. I screamed when on of the agents grabbed the back of my neck, something sharp pressing into the soft skin at the base of my scalp.

The whirring of my arms started again as I pushed myself back to my feet, my whole body trembling. The coms started squealing loudly in my ear and I threw them off quickly, shrinking away from Steve as he tried to pull me away from the wreckage. Tony walked past and into the office, presumably to find the thumb drive.

“Y/N, it’s all over. You did such a good job. I’m so proud of you.” Steve murmured reassuringly, his hands held out as a peace offering. My head twitched a little and my body seemed to go numb, but I kept backing away from him. “Y/N, what’s going on?”

I shook my head, unable to speak. I could feel the warmth of my tears streaking down my face, the trails quickly cooled by the cold air around us.

A massive wave of nausea washed over me and I fell to my knees again, dry heaving. When I stood up that time, I was not in control. I watched myself pick up one of the discarded rifles and aim it right at Steve’s forehead. I’d almost pulled the trigger when something hard smashed against the back of my head.

“Sorry, Y/N, no team kills.” Tony said as my vision faded.

I woke up in the med bay, back in the tower. My hands and ankles were strapped to the bed, another big strap across my abdomen.

Steve was sitting next to my bed, his book almost completed. Today was Elvis.

“I almost shot you.” My voice was hoarse, like I’d been smoking a couple packs a day for the last twenty years. “I’m so sorry.”

He held up a little chip, much like the one that had been attached to my brain. “They tried to use you against us.”

I shuddered a little, thinking back to that base. I thought of all of the dead bodies, people who had fallen because of me. Yes, they were fighting the wrong side of the fight, but still.

“Where’s Bucky?”

Steve shut his book and took a deep breath. “Bucky’s in a weird place right now. He’s happy you’re alive and everything went well, but he…” He paused, looking for the right word.

“Doesn’t want to see me?” I offered.

Air hissed between Steve’s teeth as he tried to find the best way to combat that. “It’s not that he doesn’t want to see you. I think he’s just nervous that you’re not going to want to see him.”

“Of course I want to see him. Tell him to come down here. Hell, I’ll tell him.” I started to sit up, but Steve pushed me back down.

“He’s not here.”

“Where is he?”

He sighed heavily, so heavy it hurt my heart a little. “We don’t know. He took off after the call from Tony to Natasha and she had to finish the mission alone. We can’t track him, we don’t have eyes on him.”

I stared at Steve for a long time. “You’re his best friend and all, but you’re kind of stupid.” I sighed, getting out of bed before he could stop me. I was dressed and on the street fast, not really caring if Steve got in my way. He tried to yell at me, tell me that Tony and Bruce needed to run more tests to make sure that I was okay and that the chip hadn’t somehow messed me up, but I didn’t care.

I climbed the back of the café, my fingers sinking into the brick the way they used to. When I crested the top of the wall, I was pleasantly surprised to find two camp chairs and a TV tray on top. Bucky sat in one, leaned forward with his elbows braced against his knees.

“Hey, Sargent,” I called, walking forward slowly. He glanced over his shoulder and I saw his back slump a little. “I see you brought your own chair.”

“Got you a new one too.” He grunted, standing up slowly. The way he uncurled from his chair vaguely reminded me of the man, Arnold Schmidt, from the base, and I hesitated for a moment, my heart catching in my throat. “How’d you find me?”

I swallowed my fear and continued forward. “I like to think I have a decent insight into your mind.” He was quiet as I slowly slipped my arms around his waist. “A little too much insight, if you ask me.” I added, resting my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, his nose pressed into my hair.

“Definitely too much insight,” he murmured. “God dammit, doll.” He huffed, finally letting his walls down. “You scared the living hell out of me.”

“I think I scared the living hell out of myself.” I admitted.

“How did you kill all of those agents?”

“It’s kind of hard to die before they’re all dead when you’re indestructible.” I grinned up at him, but even I could see just from my reflection in his eyes that it wasn’t even remotely believable. “I was really scared. They threatened you and something just snapped. I had enough.”

He knotted his fingers in the hair at the back of my head and I quickly stepped back. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“They got you like that,” he held his hands up. “I understand.”

I nodded and sat down in my chair, watching the sun begin to rise over the horizon. “I could never do your job. I’ve seen enough dead bodies for a lifetime.”

“I watched the recordings. They confirmed one hundred and seven total kills in that base. Steve and Tony only accounted for thirty of them.” Bucky told me and bile burned at the back of my throat.

“Never again.” I shook my head, pressing my palms against my temples.

“How about some good news?” He offered. I looked over as he dug around in his pocket. He produced a small velvet hinge box and tossed it at me. I looked at it, and then at him.

“Bucky, you’re not…” I trailed off.

“Open it, doll.”

I did as I was told and a gold key fell out.

“When I ran off, I planned to come back for you. That’s the key to a house out in the ‘burbs.” He shrugged. “Figured it was better than always being stuck in the chaos at the tower. We’d have our own space. And you can still come into town with me for work.”

“And Steve and Tony are okay with this?”

“Does it matter?” He asked, the laugh that followed slightly exasperated. “They do not control our lives. Steve and I fought for the right to not have to answer to someone over every little thing. This is what I want. I thought you would want it too.”

I stood up and hugged him again. “Of course this is what I want, Buck.”

“Good, because I might have already moved you in.”

TAGS LIST: (Let me know if you’d like to be added to future fics!) @libbymouse @veganfangirl5 @hiddles-rose @coffeebeforewater @sonic-lipstick-is-mine @thefridgeismybestie

[rnainframe]

Co-written by @gruvu! Here’s chapter 4!

The tag I’ll be using for this is #amfic!

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Alternatively, read it on AO3!

Virgil quickly walks ahead, a spring in his step. “Back to the elevator. We'll head up to the modern area of the facility- a detour through some other test track is going to have to happen, but no testing will be necessary. Just passing through. I can hack any locked doors in the way.”

Nigel follows, grumbling, “you gonna keep talking or what?”

“Is there a problem with that?” The Maintenance Core retorts, deadpan.

“Tangerine doesn't like chatty people. Or talking… in general. Believe me, he gets cranky.” 18 walks slightly beside Virgil. Honestly, she wishes the robot would keep talking. That accent is so fun to listen to; it has to be European, or… Swedish? Heck if she knows, it’s just a delight to have someone who is willing to talk to her, who isn't cheap enough to have her use vacuum tubes as transportation.

“Ah. Heh,” he chuckles, looking ahead. The accent’s Norwegian, actually. Virgil comes to a stop right before a room containing a proper elevator, not a tube he has to summon one to. “Here we are.”

“So, are we all getting on it conscious or am I getting deactivated first?” Nigel sarcastically side-eyes Virgil, bitterly folding his arms.

“Nobody but GLaDOS is being deactivated.”

“Pity.” 18 looks over her shoulder at Nigel, letting out a dramatic sigh. “It was actually pleasant when you were out. No testing, no lasers, no distasteful music.”

Nigel scoffs, “I have a good taste in music. Virgil does testing, too, you know. Nearly ended up killing some Olym-”

“I freed her, unlike you faking this subject out!”

Oh, that's a sore topic to mention for the subject. Just a bit, you know? With Nigel setting up this grand finale, then it literally crumbling apart. 18 stiffens at the memory; she still wants to sock him in the face and dangle him over a fire pit.

“Out of curiosity… how many humans have made it out of here?”

Virgil looks nostalgic. The sad kind of nostalgic. “...two. Just two. Number 01, some… Chell lady, I think. Took down GLaDOS once. And… a friend. But- also number… number… I don't know her number, but Mel was an Olympic track runner that was trapped in here. I miss her, but she's better off out of here.”

“How do you know? The world could be overrun with a plague. Or the undead, or aliens.”

“As far as I know, all humans are dangerous and violent, so it'd be overrun either way by something, ” Nigel adds. “Smelly things.”

“Oh, so I'm dangerous and violent? I thought I was good natured and gentle due to the constant, life-threatening testing that involves toxic goo that can melt diamonds.”

Virgil runs a hand down his face. “Get in the damn elevator.”

“He started it! ” 18 points a finger at the orange core. Still, she listens to Virgil, going into the elevator.

“How old ARE you?” Nigel exhales, following the subject.

The test subject sticks her tongue out in response, parking herself as far as she can get from Nigel.

Virgil rolls his eyes and taps his earpiece, getting his visor to come out. He focuses, then leans back with a grin as the cramped elevator begins to move. Seriously, can't these things be made to occupy more than one person at a time?

“We should be where we need to be in a couple minutes,” he murmurs, shrinking away from the other two after his temporary ego boost fades. Too little breathing room.

The cramped silence is deafening. Three people… okay, one person and two androids inside an elevator, and there isn't any conversation. There isn't even any annoying elevator music that you end up humming to, getting stuck in your head, and keeping you up at night. So 18 improvises, humming a little tune, looking around at the walls of the elevator.

After what feels like hours, the elevator slows to a stop, opening in the entryway to a chamber. Virgil is first to leave, taking a deep breath as if he needs oxygen and was getting suffocated in there.

“You okay there tin man?” The subject asked as she came out after him, “Need a paper bag or?”

“I’m fine, just… starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. I’m alright, now.”

“You better be, I’d hate to have you flake on us so we can’t go through with your dumb plan.” Man, Nigel is sarcastic as hell, today. Reaaaaal bitter. “Buck up, will you?”

“You were friends with him right? I think we need to talk about your choice of friends.” She ignoring Nigel as she gave the shorter core a soft pat on the back. Nigel hadn’t changed from whatever Virgil did to him...it was disappointing and she was trying to see if there was any of this human..maybe he was just a dick. Great.

“I have a lot of choices in friends I’ve come to regret. Anyways-” Virgil rolls his shoulders uncomfortably and ascends the small staircase leading to a corridor to the chamber. He seems nervous. Something is definitely off.

18 follows behind him, sticking close to the one android that hasn't tried to kill her. She isn't familiar with the area; it seems very...white. White panels, white floors, white ceiling. Boring as hell.

“Could use some gel,” she remarks.

“Only if necessary. I told you how expensive this crap is to clean up.” Nigel responds, hands in his pockets. “...seems a bit dark in here, even though the lights are all working.”

Virgil squints at a wall, focusing on a couple of panels. They’re twitching, malfunctioning-- some loose wiring is even sticking out of one’s mechanism. “...GLaDOS never lets anything like this slide. Maybe this track got shut down..?”

“Maybe…” The subject puts her two cents in, not really knowing anything about the facility. She lets out a yip at a surprise shock from a loose wire, taken off-guard by it.

“Ow… geez.” She glares at the wires, rubbing her arm. “Need some electrical tape.”

“Or repairs. I could do those, but we need to focus on the task at hand. Judging by signals I’m getting, we’re only a couple chambers away from the central one at the most.” Virgil muses, nodding in the direction of a door.

“...this is..too easy…” 18 mutters to Nigel, “when has Aperture made things easy?”

“A lot, actually.”

“I'm not talking about looking at you. This is..simple...straight forward. No complicated hoops to jump through.”

“It’s a possibly deactivated test track.”

“That's what is throwing me off…”

Virgil approaches the door, finding himself surprised when it opens on its own. “...guess I won’t need to hack it, then.”

“Another convenient thing… I don't trust this.” 18 wrinkles her nose. If she could remember, this might have reminded her of a horror movie. The dim lights, the shadows, the sparks. She does not trust this easy route, and nothing Nigel is saying is helping.

“Maybe we should… yeah, let's keep going. Nigel, you go through the door first.”

Nigel shrugs and walks through.

18 watches him go, tilting her head slightly. “Least Aperture made something…” Then, she remembers Virgil is there. “Heh, um… hey.” She forces a smile, but then, something pops into her head. Something had been bugging her, mostly out of curiosity.

“He mentioned before someone had tried to take over? They went crazy?”

“He was.. A friend. That went crazy, yes. Got shoved into “Android Hell” for punishment.”

“Why didn't you help him?”

“He hates me, after.. things.”

“That shouldn't stop you from helping. Friends don't give up on each other. Hate is just temporary. He probably would have gotten over it. I may not know what happened but I do know emotion. It's one of my smelly human talents.”

“With what happened, I doubt he will. It’s… it’s bad. Let’s go.” Virgil avoids the topic, picking up his pace as he walks through the door.

“Oh, this isn't over.” 18 smirks deviously for a moment before following after. Hate, doubt, et cetera. She doesn't need to dig in his head to know that he might have been human as well. Maybe… maybe she will ask about it later. Before she leaves. The thought is pushed away from her head. It’s… a terrifying thought for her. Yeah, she plays it cool in front of the cores, but that's because she has an image to keep up. When the time comes, she will just have to deal.

“Alright, next test chamber.” She clasps her hands together.

The next one is almost identical. Way too simple. Off-putting.

To think of it, GLaDOS is never this silent.

“What the hell is going on?” Virgil mutters. “There’s cameras watching us. She can see us. Why so quiet..?”

“Maybe she's sleeping? Or trying to throw us off?”

“Either way, I’m sure following through with Virgil’s dumb plan is going to be a mistake.” Nigel adds, under his breath.

“It isn’t dumb. It’ll work. Trust me. I’ve taken down bigger threats from this facility.” Virgil doesn’t add the fact AEGIS wasn’t as self-aware or had as much control over Aperture.

By the time the two get done bickering, 18 finishes the test. She leans coolly on the wall by the exit, waiting on them. It was easy. Way too easy. However, it was much more fun than listening to those two.

“...er, subject… whatever your name is. The test wasn’t even necessary to finish.” Virgil awkwardly comments.

“Must be instinct or something, right? You miss our track, don’t you.”

“Shut up,” she points at Nigel, then points at Virgil, “I'm test subject 18, buddy boy. I got bored with listening to you two. I don't miss the track, Nigel. At all.”

Virgil nods, “right. Is just 18 good?” He approaches the door. There’s a shift big enough to set him off-balance. “...uh.”

“Yes, that will- woah, you okay there?”

“Did you feel that?” He straightens his posture, leaning on a wall. “I think the entire chamber just tilted a little to the right. It’s… crooked, now.”

It is. The lights are flickering and a bit dimmer. Some panels are more loose than before.

“An earthquake? I know when I was testing with Nigel, the chambers would tremble. Guess I'm used to it.”

“Let’s.. Let’s go ahead.”

“Virgil, you’re gonna get us killed!” Nigel snaps.

“She might be trying to take the track down with us in it. Maybe she’s onto us. Let’s go, okay?” Virgil steps through the door. That.. isn’t an elevator room.

The usual corridor leads to a catwalk draped across a dark chasm. However, on the other end... the central chamber. GLaDOS’s chamber.

Is it a trap?

Probably.

“Oh hell no. Nope. Too easy. No.” 18 turning around hands raised, “I rather not have another robot try to kill me.”

“No, no, we can do this. We can do this. If… we run across, anything that happens to the track shouldn’t catch up till we’re across, right?”

“Virgil, this is insane. I’m out.”

“No, you’re not. We have to do this, Nigel.”

“Virgil. That is a long catwalk. That can EASILY be crashed. We need a different way. See that way is the obvious way. “

“And the only one, clearly!” After making a large gesture at the catwalk, Virgil defiantly puts out his visor and runs ahead without waiting for the other two.

Groaning, Nigel runs after. “Damn it, Virgil!”

“UGHHHH.” 18 screams after the two, going full sprint. This was SUCH a TRAP, VIRGIL! What kind of MORON blindly runs into one?! Apparently, all three of them.

Virgil skids to a stop, eyes wide. “Maybe you two were right.” A couple panels fall down from above, taking out a chunk of catwalk ahead. The metal platform buckles downwards. Panicked, Virgil looks around, then gets an idea. “There’s-- there’s a management rail right above us that that missed. We could--”

“Turn back? Yes, Virgil, great idea!” Nigel yells, fists clenched. “You’re going to get us KILLED.”

“--we could get across the rest of the way with that. Just-just hurry, we clearly don’t have much time. It’s angled downwards, a bit, so, er, 18-- if you, if you have something you could use to glide on that, or, uh--”

Nigel snaps. “That sounds… really stupid.”

Virgil snaps back. “It could work!”

18 interrupts. “STOP BICKERING AND DO IT!”

Virgil runs back a few feet and jumps up to the rail, frantically attaching to it. Nigel begrudgingly follows. “Come on, 18, the entire catwalk’s about to collapse-”

The catwalk groans under the subject’s feet. She isn't like them! She doesn't have an attachment to get on the rail; all she has is her paint gun, her boots, her jumpsuit and her (useless) apron. The apron! Shoving the gun in her jumpsuit, running as the catwalk falls, she mutters to herself, “robots suck.”

She tears the apron off and leaps up into the air. Time slows down. She slings her apron over the rail, squeezing her eyes shut. Her heartbeat is the only thing she can hear focus on.

In a matter of moments, the trio crash through a handful of panels, tumbling onto the floor of the central chamber.

This.. isn’t right.

Where’s GLaDOS?

It’s dark. The only source of light are red lights coming from beneath the panels making up the chamber.

18 groans, rolling onto her side. Oh. She's alive? Woo! Still alive… and in pain. She scraped her elbows pretty bad on the landing, but at least it isn't any worse. It was pure luck that she made it onto the management rail without getting shocked. Coughing and spitting on the floor, the test subject begin to chuckle.

Virgil wearily speaks up, pushing up onto his knees. “We made it, but..”

“Perfect timing. It was getting lonely without having anyone hooked up to this thing.” That voice is new. It doesn’t sound human, but it doesn’t sound entirely artificial, either. The voice seems to be.. coming from the chassis itself.

What the hell is that? What’s going on?

“That is... not a woman. GLaDOS is a woman, right? That doesn't even sound human. Kind of refreshing, actually.” 18 sits up.

“So, hi! Sorry about dropping in. We were just leaving, honestly, you know? So busy, and there's science to do.” The test subject responds to the voice. Nervous habit.

Something stirs. Wires. A lot of wires. “I heard your chatter. GLaDOS isn’t here to be deactivated. I took her down myself. She deserved it, she’s part of why I’m like this.”

“Who are you, exactly?” Nigel huffs. “Why you’re like WHAT?”

“Too much chatter. I haven’t figured out how to directly control this place myself, yet, despite being here longer than SHE was. So one of you is going to have to volunteer.”

“Volunteer?” Virgil steps back. “For.. for what?”

“It’s like myths where a god uses a human as a vessel. Come on. I’m impatient.”

The Maintenance Core immediately turns around. “Hell. No. Come on, hurry, we have to get out of--!!” He stops cold, tensing up with a yelp. His accents dim and flicker out of panic.

“VIRGIL!” 18 springs to her feet, stumbling. Looks like whatever sick program this is, it just got a volunteer. What is this, some kind of raffle?

Virgil breathes heavily, clawing at his back. “The-- my-- my port, something’s in my port--” Every plug on his port has some sort of wire jammed into it. That must feel unpleasant. “I didn’t want this, I shouldn’t have dragged you two al--hhHG--” Sounds like it hurts.

“Nigel, come on! Help me get it out!” She runs over to Virgil, grabbing onto a cord. Probably not the smartest thing she should have done, but she isn't going to stand there and let Virgil get hurt.

“Let go, don’t-- don’t… d…” Virgil’s head droops for a moment as his accents completely flicker off. Nigel grips one of the wires and gives it a hefty tug, grimacing at the effort needed. It won’t even budge.

“Damn it, Virgil, look where your stupid plan got us!”

“Yelling at him isn't working! Can't you hack!?” 18 shouts, knuckles white from her hopeless grip on a wire. They’re lodged in the ports like plant roots.

“Hacking,” Virgil straightens up, his accents coming back on, “isn’t going to help you.” His tone of voice is… wrong. It’s smoother and kind of off-putting. Plus, his accents-- they’re supposed to be amber, not RED. They’re RED. “The two of you are going to be a problem, aren’t you?”

Nigel takes a step back, then lunges at a smaller cord, hints of desperation breaking through his gruff disposition. “Get out of there, Virgil! Ghh-- whoever you are, get the hell away from him!”

“Your programming shouldn’t be letting you empathize, Nigel. You’re malfunctioning. You don’t want to be reprogrammed, do you?” Upon hearing the threat, the taller android shivers and lets go of the wire, pacing backwards and away from Virgil.

The subject goes for the wire that Nigel had been pulling, gritting her teeth and trying to at least loosen it up. Did this thing coat the tips in super glue? “I'm the ONLY one who can threaten him like that, you stupid piece of malware!” She yanks harder.

“Let go.” The corrupted android cooly demands, almost eerily calm.

“Or what?!”

“You won’t enjoy the consequences if you don’t.”

“I don't enjoy what's happening right now!”

“I warned you.” Some panels shift, causing 18 to stumble backwards a few feet. A claw comes down from above, grabbing for the subject.

Without thinking, Nigel breaks into a sprint, shoving her out of the way with a lunge.

“CLARA, NO!”

   The claw grabs him by the waist.

      And slams him incredibly hard into the wall, causing him to deactivate on impact.

[childrenofathoria-rp-blog]

◆Out Of Character Information◆

Name/Age: Lash 25 Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Timezone: EST Desired Character: Gage

◆Character Information◆

(1)  What pronouns will your character be using? Would you like to list their sexuality at this time?: She/he and I want to explore her sexuality through plotting

(2)  Any changes or comments? n/a

(3) Why this character? 

Gage is very much Taboo for growing up in Chile Village. The village was much like Salem, afraid of things not understood. Gage is the girl who stood up and refused to be afraid of what others found unsettling. She finds a fascination in mortality and immortality alike. She is young and immature and this makes her more dangerous as a new vampire.  I feel like her unconventional attitude earned her a reputation as a supernatural sympathizer early on in her life.

I am very eager to explore the type of past she experienced and why she refuses to let others in to her world. Gage is truly a solo act in many respects and even those she does like will find they barely know her at all. It is better to keep secrets than feel exposed.

I love the fact that she is flamboyant in her attitude. I love that she is tough and I can’t wait to explore the girl behind that hardened exterior. I also like the fact that she is a 3 year old vampire. It’s all so new and she is at a place where she knows what she has lost to obtain what she has.

(4) Interpret this character: 

Gage hates authority

               She is not a fan of the little king or anyone who pretends they have a right to dictate her life. She has the strength to back up her stance. She won’t rise against the law but if the law looks for her she will not go down without a fight. She has an ability to fly below the radar. She values freedom and keeping a low profile but that does not mean she makes good choices.

Gage Likes to Take Risks

               Gage will pick a fight with anyone. It is her way of seeing how people measure up to her expectations. She would argue that the sky is green on a bright sunny day just to piss people off. She has always enjoyed saying things in such a way to rub people wrong. Slurs of confident sarcasm has earned her a fair few black eyes before she was turned into a vampire. How does she react? She just grins and starts swinging back.

Supernatural Calls Her

Chile Village is superstitious. She was expected to keep her eye on the ground and fear the world around her but Gage was not going to let her family implant her with their cowardly conventions. She was never afraid of the world. Not even when she saw her first witch burn at the stake.

The Pyre was a place she felt drawn to in a sadistic sort of way. She felt true sadness when the witches screamed for mercy only for the fire to be stoked. The hair would stand up on Gage’s arms with every chilling scream. It was that drawing to watch the villagers carry out their judgments that led her to her sire.

She Was a Horrible Fledgling

               Gage was always questioning her sire. To her they were not very good at this. Why they spared her she would never understand. She challenged them and as a result the Sire grew tired of dealing with her. He was on the run and Gage attracted far too much attention.

               She never learned to use her gifts. Her victims scream in pain because she doesn’t know how to ease the pain. She hides behind an unwavering façade, pretending the screams do not bother her but they do. She can see the burning witches and every victim brings her back to those nights.

Gage is bad at showing emotion

               She feels things so much more completely than it seems. She is very good at hiding it and she has shielded herself well, so well that even as a vampire she is using abilities she has no clue she possesses. She can shield without knowing she can. The only emotions that erupt from gage are anger and rage. If one gets close enough to see a sensitive side they will be dead by the morning.

Where Will Gage Fit In

               She has no skills, no purpose, and no master. She is entirely alone and surrounded. I see her trying to find a way to learn without being roped into the bonds of a coven or group. She likes her solitude because she has always felt isolated. Her family practically shunned her with the rest of her village. This is why she ended up in  a tavern serving drinks to drunks.

Being a bartender she will hear many things and she will retain a lot. I think she can gather some valuable information and I do not quite know what she will do with it. She definitely needs to latch onto an older vampire and learn some things before she draws too much attention to herself. She guards her vampiric state. She takes that extra measure to pretend to breath. She will feed two to three villages over to keep the rumors from finding her. In turn she is constantly reminded of her kills by travelers passing through with stories of monsters on their drunken breaths.

All of her emotional turmoil is locked way beneath the skin and the key ith thrown in the troubled waters.  I really want to see someone start to peel back the layers of Gage and get to know her true history and why she is the way she is.

◆ Interview Questions ◆

(1) Question One: Do you think your Sire is still alive?

Gage adjusted her shoulders, more ridged now at the mention of the word. Sire. It was enough to put her on the edge of her seat. No one was at the bar except she and this stranger, a human who knew what she was the minute he fumbled his way into the bar. “You are drunk.” She turned on her heel and let her eyes linger on the strange girl, a very pretty girl. She hadn’t noticed them as  patron because this was definitely a face she would remember. The girl adjusted herself to lean against the bar, a flirtatious smile slapped across her face. The breath of her words reeked with alcohol. “I know and I know you are a vampire. Is your sire alive?” She was more sober now, scarily sober as if she were looking for her sire, what sis he do now?

“How the hell should I know?” Gage truly didn’t know, “I think he headed toward Leeds. Who the hell knows or Cares.” She added with a shrug and a frown as she moved to wipe the counter in front of the strange woman, “We are closed now. Get out.”

(2) Question Two: Why were you so obsessed with watching witch’s burn at the stake? Do you still attend burning’s?

The woman’s words were chilling. Not many knew her past with such intimacy. Eyes locked on each other’s, suspended in time for that millisecond it took for Gage to realize this person was not all she seemed to be on the surface.  “That is none of your business.” Something happened then, Gage was clenching her fists.  “Who are you?” Gage shot back with a snarl as her fangs elongated. Keep it together Gage. She was truly terrified then. “Midnight?” Gage asked before deciding on her course of action. At that question another member stepped into the bar. No wonder it was empty. “Damn Vampires.” She muttered underneath her breath and continued her work at cleaning the counter.

“Changed your mind yet? To answer your Question, No, I don’t go anymore. I am not the same girl I was in the Chile Village. My sire made sure of that.”

◆Writing Sample:◆

Tw: Blood, allusion to rape

Seeing the world from the eyes of the maker, that was what Gage was seeing. New details emerged beneath a moonlit sky. The stars held new wonder, the flame danced with more vibrant hues. The thirst was the only fatal flaw in the new life she had been given. Her sire was nowhere to be seen. He had disappeared shortly after turning her. She couldn’t blame them for running from her. Everyone shunned Gage for more reasons than one. She had thrown her stones at him and heaven knows she was not without sins.

The senses came alive with an intake of breath. The cool, crisp night air drew her to the streets with a mission. Blood. It was the one thing that dominated her thoughts at that moment. She would have been content on taking in the new details of life had the burning desire to feed not occurred. It was like she imagined burning at the stake to feel. Intense heat seared her throat

The night presented options in abundance, a first feed without a sire to instruct her. She could do this without their help. The pounding of a heart stopped her dead, literally, in her tracks. That sweet metallic odor pulsing and pumping in a steady rhythm set the pace. The hunt was on. If her heart could still pump blood it would be beating against her chest. The woman she found was alone and looked to be in a vulnerable state of undress. It was a darkened ally with no other being close enough to intervene in the deed that was about to take place.

“Why are you crying?” Her own voice sounded jumbled as her fangs extruded from her mouth. The blood pulsed at the woman’s neck and suddenly the question’s answer mattered little. All she could hear was the thud of her heart. All she could smell was the sweet metallic blood mingled with the sweat of her fear. She had no time to answer before Gage had her pinned against the cool concrete wall. Her fangs broke the skin of her neck and she bucked violently with a twisted expression of horror. The scream was so chilling that Gage dropped the embrace, panting heavily as if she had just snapped out of a hellish nightmare.

The woman held her hand to the wound. It looked as if she were wearing a blood red glove. Before she could open her mouth to scream she was silenced. Quick and painless, Gage’s sire snapped her neck before turning on Gage. He looked pissed at her for feeding so openly. “Dumb bitch!” He growled and slapped her hard across the face. “Chile Village is not keen on supernatural inhabitants! Damn it all.” He scratched his head and paced the ally. “Clean yourself up Fledgling. Go, get out of here.”

“Fine, “ She spoke through harsh gasps. “Thought you skipped out.” She walked past him and brushed into him with all the stregngth she had. A gesture to challenge him, “Hit me again and I will tell those that hunt you exactly where you have been and what you have been doing….Bastard.” she added the last slur with a nod and a snarl. Blood dripped from her clothes, her lips, and fingertips. She looked like she had returned from a distant battlefield without the scars, no the scars were entirely mental.

She leaned over the water basin until the water turned to blood itself. Everything was red, including her thoughts.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: june week three

capsule reviews of the pop songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 on 17 june 2017 and 16 june 2007

16 June 2007

56) "Beautiful Flower," India.Arie

I'll cop to not knowing that much about India.Arie. I understand she has at least one classic album, and I can also see that there is no India.ArieVEVO account, so her entire career transpired when I was assuming it was acceptable to live life only listening to white men complain about women. This has clearly been to my detriment, because this song is simply astonishing. It's an inspirational song, but it's only India.Arie, a guitar, and some other voices for the occasional harmony, so it actually felt like, when India.Arie said "When they say shake your moneymaker/Shake your head," she was talking directly to me, decidedly not the target audience for this song. (I want to shout out how fucking great that lyric is again. "When they say shake your moneymaker/Shake your head." GODDAMN RIGHT. HELL YEAH. GIRL POWER FOREVER, SISTAHS.) It's such a cool and compelling twist on the girl power anthem, something toned down, but not so toned down that it feels like you're sitting around the campfire with the youth pastor. This is the second song, this and "Get Buck," that I think we unjustifiably left behind in 2007, and I say we bring it back.

78) "The Way I Are," Timbaland ft./Keri Hilson

I give Timbaland a lot of heck for being making loud and unnavigable music in these parts, but it would be dishonest of me to deny that this is a hot one. There's a build here that's absent from the rest of Timbaland's ouevre. Typically, it sounds like he's giving you a thousand things to listen to all at once, but on this one, he slowly adds more and more things, so once the chorus hits, it's the typical Timbaland mess of sound, but there's a structure, there's a logic to how everything fits together, and I can finally hear what made Timbaland the name that he was. This is GOOD trashy 2007 music. I'm down with this.

80) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," Kanye West

What 2007 vs. 2017 might ultimately come down to is that 2007 has the old Kanye and 2017 has the new Kanye. (Wait. I'm not sure Kanye West has figured into the 2017 equation at all, actually. Have I not been paying that much attention when Wikipediaing the rap songs? Has he legit not been involved with ANYTHING on the chart?) This is probably the best pure-rap song Kanye ever made, one of those songs where it's not the production carrying the day (though this is an astounding track), Kanye is actually on point with his flow and his rhymes. I sometimes rag on Kanye for the fact that his rapping might be the weakest part of his whole thing, but I'm comparing him to like Jay-Z and Kendrick and other dudes in consideration for GOAT, of course Kanye is going to falter, KANYE STILL MADE THIS SONG. This song doesn't work without a capable MC guiding the proceedings. Love this. Only reason it's not higher is because I don't want a cluster of Kanye at the top, and also I'm tickled with "Get Buck" being the rap song of the year so far and don't wanna see that end. Like, OBVIOUSLY, if this were 2007 and this song just came out, it'd be the new #1, but this is a retrospective, and I think it's important we reflect on how violent the "Get Buck" beat was.

91) "Whine Up," Kat Deluna ft./Elephant Man

You know what I don't think about enough? How pop songs end. That's partially because I am bad at this, but it's also not something I think about because we're not exactly conditioned to think of songs as stories. Songs generally don't leave you hanging, or end by saying it was all just a dream (with the possible exception of that one Nelly song from a few years back ("Cruise")), they're sort of like museum exhibits, where they present themselves to you in full, and you consider their merits as a piece. (This is why the critique Mariah Carey gave of David Cook's "Always Be My Baby," where she specifically says she loves how he ends the song on this off note and leaves it unresolved, has stayed with me.) I bring up endings because this song ends with Kat DeLuna singing "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" for half a minute before fading out. I think the song understands that it's really just here to go "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" for four minutes, but we still had a few years to go before "We Found Love" dropped, so it needed to go through the verse-chorus-verse motions, yeah sure feature verse can't have a song without a feature verse, but this is a song which knows what it is, and it gives you as much of what you want as it can before backing out, aware that there's only so much "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" one can take. The fade suggests the song could just go "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" for ten hours, but we have expectations of our pop songs, and this wants nothing more than to live up to expectations. Quality chorus, though! Had a great big dumb time with this one! 2007's got it rollin' this week! Can't wait to see how 2007 keeps the momentum goin'!

96) "Wall to Wall," Chris Brown

Welp.

97) "Bartender," T-Pain ft./Akon

This song is just comfy. A lovely chaser for the song I didn't listen to but still had to acknowledge existed. After writing a good chunk about "Whine Up," a song that may as well have had four words, I don't want to over-analyze what is simply a nice song, sort of what to let it be, want to point out the casual misogyny that kinda takes some of the chill out the zone, but mostly want to acknowledge that none of the several sets of three minutes we've all spent with this song somewhere in our space is pretty neat. Well done, everyone.

99) "Startin' with Me," Jake Owen

"I took a swing at my old man one Christmas/I never dreamed that it would be his last" ...Did. Did this dude kill his dad? Fuckin' hell, dude, someone should've caught that lyric. How many people wrote this one? Three. Three people. Not one of them said, "Hey, what do we think of this line? It sounds like this dude killed his dad with a punch." But like even if this dude didn't kill his dad, he had sex with his bro's sister, he sold his grandpa's guitar, he punched his dad, he went to jail and yelled at his brother for not bailing him out, he wasn't with his family when his grandma died, this man is fucking irredeemable, and he just goes, "Yeah, I sure goofed up some things back there, didn't I? Ha, if I had a dime..." You get to say that about small stupid mistakes, like the thing about bein' too big a dick to a girl, or the thing about smoking. You don't get to have a dime for every time you commit patricide. You don't get second chances for ruining every single relationship in your life. Who on earth relates to this song? This is nonsense. It's this dark, twisted man singing this Tim McGraw melody, and it's illogical.

100) "Do You," Ne-Yo

2:48 PM 6/4/2017: Wow! A Ne-Yo song I don't remember! What a treat! 2:52 PM 6/4/2017: ...Oh. Oh I forgot this because it wasn't great. I get it. No, no, that's fair. Learning that this was a sequel to "So Sick" is equally disappointing. We talked about endings -- whoa, a thematic link between capsule reviews, who ever heard of such a thing -- and "So Sick" has a really solid ending, that lonely, soft "Why can't I turn off the radio?" and this is, this doesn't ruin "So Sick?" But knowing that dude doesn't get over it for two years kinda makes the dude seem more pathetic than sad. 2:53 PM 6/4/2017: REMIX WITH UTADA HIKARU?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I HAVE THREE WORDS FOR THE WAY THIS IS MAKING ME FEEL. AND BABY, IT AIN'T COMPLEX AND FILTHY, I CAN TELL YA WHAT.

Two new songs in the Top 10, AND Lil Mama hangs on for another glorious week! 20) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 19) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 18) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 17) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 16) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 15) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 14) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 13) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 12) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 11) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 10) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," by Kanye West (6.16.2007) 9) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 8) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 7) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 6) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 5) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 4) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 3) "Beautiful Flower," by India.Arie (6.16.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Strong, strong week for 2007. Congratulations, year I have randomly personified.

6.17.2017

74) "Somethin Tells Me," Bryson Tiller 85) "Self-Made," Bryson Tiller 89) "Don't Get Too High," Bryson Tiller 91) "Run Me Dry," Bryson Tiller 98) "No Longer Friends," Bryson Tiller

The artists who have debuted three or more  songs on the Billboard Hot 100 in the same week this year are, in some order, Ed Sheeran (AAA), Big Sean (hip-hop stalwart, AA), Migos (one AAA hit), Future (AAA), Nicki Minaj (AAA), Drake (AAA), Kendrick Lamar (AAA), and Bryson Tiller. ...I enjoyed the couple of Bryson Tiller songs I heard the last couple of years. I would not have guessed he had the clout to release a surprise album, the wattage to get five of the 19 songs on the album to chart, but here we are! Five songs! That were all pretty much the same thing! "Run Me Dry" was noticably bouncier than the other songs, but like these songs, this dude, like, you know how, with Netflix and YouTube, they sink so much into original content because the goal isn't to create something great, the goal is to create something people will watch? Like, if you're watching something on Netflix, you're not watching something on Hulu or Twitch, so it's in Netflix's best interests to throw a thousand spaghettis at the wall in the hopes of finding something to stick. These songs are designed for you to you listen to so that you're listening to that record label's version of this and not something else on some other label. (I can think of no other reason that this should be 19 songs long. I kinda wanted to listen to this album on the bus ride home, get a jump start on these songs, but the album was longer than my bus ride. Why.) Like, these are not, technically, bad songs. I don't like them and barely remember them however-long-I've-been-writing-this-paragraph later, but I never felt compelled to hit skip, and that feels like that's what we're going for here. Listen to this hour-long album. Don't hit other buttons.

88) "Met Gala," Gucci Mane ft./Offset

"I was that nigga locked up in the cell/And they treated me like I was normal/Thankin' the Lord for them blessings/I just left the Met Gala dressin' up formal" I wonder what a better lyricist would have done with that concept, of being an ex-con who can score tickets to the Met Gala. Like, I think Metro Boomin structured a track around that idea, of someone at the Met Gala experiencing anhedonia because they've been treated like the lowest form of humanity and now there's all these rich people who've never had anything bad happen to them, and the dude can't even feel like he's made it because this is a thousand miles from his scene. This is what the sound songs like independent of the words, at least, though I think we've established that the words are the least essential part of this kind of hip-hop. I'd probably listen to an album of Metro Boomin instrumentals, I don't see why we need Gucci Mane in here bleating about whatever.

90) "No Such Thing as a Broken Heart," Old Dominion

This was a'ight. I like that it doesn't suggest that if you love this hard all problems will go away; there's no resolution in this song, only a group of dudes promising to try their best, and that's the closest we're gonna get to complexity this side of Stapleton.It actually sort of reminds me of "Hey Ya!", not in terms of craft oh my stars not in those terms, but in its depiction of relationships where two people look at each other and say "I don't know how to be committed to you." Pop-country dude song of the year 2017, by a mile. (To reiterate, Thomas Rhett is ineligible because "Craving You" is pure bubblegum.)

94) "There for You," Martin Garrix x Troye Sivan

so baby hold me closer in the backseat of your rover that i know you can't afford, bite that tattoo on your shoulder, pull the sheets off of the corner of the mattress that you stole from your roommate back in boulder, we ain't ever gettin' older

99) "Butterfly Effect," Travis Scott

this was fine! travis scott can be counted on to deliver solid songs, and while I'm not gonna say this is my favorite thing he's ever done, it's still nice to hear him chime in. what a pleasant surprise! these reviews have gotten progressively shorter. the next review prolly just gonna be one word.

100) "Strangers," Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui

So here's something I'm guilty of: Me: There should be more women on the chart! Y'all: Here's one we like! Me: /sucks in air through teeth/ Not this one? So I'm glad that Halsey made a song I think is actually pretty dope. Like, I actually went back and listened to it again, simply because, hey, girl-girl love duet, that's new! I'm actually having difficulty recalling any hit song that was specifically about a same-sex relationship, and I'm sure they exist and I'm forgetting something thuddingly obvious, but this is cool, and thankfully, it's a good song on its own merits. Halsey and Jauregui mesh really well together, and the track is a perfect complement, something propulsive, yet understated enough to let the singers do the work they need to do, a backing track that knows what it needs to be. (Suppose it makes sense that someone who won a Producer of the Year Grammy would write a decent song.)

Only one new thing in the Top 20 because I stared at the list for 20 seconds before deciding I was not going to bump Kendrick from the Top 20 for Old Dominion. We don’t consider how much optics figure into determining how much we love what we love, but they figure in quite a bit. 20) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 19) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 18) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 17) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 16) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 15) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 14) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 13) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 12) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 11) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 10) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 9) "Strangers," by Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui (6.17) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) Also I feel like bumping the Camila Cabello joint for the Lauren Jauregui joint is me drawing a line in the sand I wasn’t ready to draw. Please don’t hate me, the teens, I do not know what dramas have unfolded, what feels you have unfelt.

Who won?

So I actually did go through the weeks before I was reviewing 2007 releases, since I created a Google Sheet for YAS because, when my computer became unusable, I realized it was probably unwise to have just one file trapped inside one very bad computer. But since I put the stuff in spreadsheet form, it made week-by-week comps easier. As it turns our, 2007 got off to an early 3-0 lead, what with “And I Am Telling You,” “Candyman,” and “Jump to the Rhythm” all dropping in the first few weeks, but 2017′s been doin’ better as of late, thanks to two weeks where 2007 didn’t... it didn’t really do anything. 2017: 12 2007: 11 And that’s all the difference! 2007 crushed it this week, which is good, because the next few weeks look pretty bleak for ol’ 2007y. Good opportunity for 2017 to create some separation in this fake competition between two entities that have no sentience as they are arbitrarily determined measurements of time and not actual things. See y’all after seven sunsets.