#also i’m big on annotating and such when i read literally anything and i have a really cute notebook idea

[plusultraetc]

Actually for real this time!! I’m going to be reading the manga starting with volume 1 (bc what better time to start than the week it ended lol). Would anyone be interested in doing some kind of book club/buddy read? Either way I’ll be using liza reads mha as the tag for reactions etc on this blog, bc I can’t NOT blab. There’s like a legal requirement about it.

[cool-lesbian-is-here]

Intro post!!!!!

My fav song rn (I change this frequently): Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secure by Arctic Monkeys

Hey I’m katya :D

I was born in Ukraine and lived there for two years before moving to England with my family. I also had like a weird year where we lived in Luxembourg but whatever. So yeah I speak Russian and English fluently and I can understand ukrainian but not speak it fluently.

Also I have a tag on my blog which is #learning russian with Katya, and I guess u can figure out what goes on there, but yh if u want u can check that out :)

I am a cis lesbian MINOR (14).

I love music, I listen to it all the time so here are some artists I like 😁😁: David Bowie, queen, Rolling Stones, the smiths, oasis, Måneskin, the Runaways, the Beatles, T. Rex, Aerosmith, Jon Bon Jovi, AC/DC, Billy Joel, deep purple and pink Floyd, ABBA, girl in red, Chappell roan, Olivia Rodrigo, Ayesha erotica, K$SHA, Britney Spears, mccaffferty, Alex G, Penelope Scott, Rio Romeo, the front bottoms, Mitski, Laufey, Madilyn Mei, the cardigans, Sufjan Stevens, Kimya Dawson, Conan Gray and arctic monkeys

TV Girl has my heart

There are obvs more but I can’t remember them all, anyway, moving on, fandoms!

BBC Sherlock, the marauders, LOTR and The Hobbit, dead boy detectives,the dead poets society, wicked, a series of unfortunate events, Good omens, Percy Jackson, gravity falls, house md

Books that literally changed my brain chemistry: the Perks of Being a Wallflower, dead poets society, Girl, interrupted, the catcher in the rye, Solitaire, and a separate peace.

Movies I adore wholeheartedly: tell it to the bees, Girl, interrupted, Dead Poets Society, mamma Mia, say anything, the rocky horror picture show, imagine me and you, I saw the TV glow, but I’m a cheerleader, the incredibly true adventure of two girls in love, moonrise kingdom, the miseducation of Cameron post, the perks of being a wallflower, the whole ass LOTR series, We’re all going to the world’s fair, CALL ME BY YOUR NAME, Juno

Shows or series I love!: gilmore girls, Brooklyn 99, the office(US), friends, Lucifer, a series of unfortunate events, The Good Place, House MD

Obsessions I had when I was younger(please don’t laugh): Ed sheeran(I KNOW, OK.), Katy Perry (her songs r still kinda fire tho) and of course “The Land of Stories” (that shit had a hold on me)

Hobbies: reading, crochet, playing guitar, and making random shit

Style: I’d say I dress grunge so my clothes all have like a little bit of each marauder in them

Marauders!!!: my moonshine says I am a James kinnie, I have also been told I’m a marlene kinnie, so do w that what you will, my fav marauder is sirius tho and my fav ship is wolfstar(nothing is better than the original in my opinion). Honestly, I think I lean towards fluffy fics more when I’m looking for a wolfstar fic and also there’s this random lore Abt me that I have read ATYD twice and also ATYD-Sirius’s perspective twice.

Random lore: when I was 11, my brother and I exploded a power bank together so now I have this big scar on my leg from the burn. My favourite colour is cherry red. I also have a fake name that I give to ppl who I don’t rlly want knowing my name. I’m allergic to gold but I look rlly good in it 😔😔. I annotate my books.my fav dinosaur is the triceratops. I love to quote random songs on here ✨✨. Also I rlly wanna play guitar but I have zero musical talent 😭😭 EDIT: MY DAD IS LETTING ME GET LESSONS AND IM GONNA START SOON!!!. Also I love death note!!!

I have a tortoise named Bowser, but in Russian, we call him Боря (boris) :DDDD

This blog has a lot of random, uncensored thoughts that pop into my head, so be ready for the randomest of statements without tags being on your dash

yes I am hater and I hate Taylor Swift with a passion. BUT IF U LIKE HER IDRC ILL JUST KNOW THAT U AHEV A SHIT MUSIC TASTE

IVE BEEN TO THE ABBA MUSEUM SO IM LIKE OFFICIALLY COOL

I am a person that fully believes you must like a band to wear that bands merch

I am forever a user of YouTube music, no amount of disappointment in me will change this, so don’t try.

This is my random depressed thoughts side blog: @the-katya-is-sad-show

I honestly think that’s everything, so um yeah! That’s me :)

ALSO GUYS JS QUICKLY, IF I CALL YOU “girl” OR “bitch” IM NOT TRYNA CALL YOU AN ACTUAL GIRL OR AN ACTUAL BITCH ITS JS SMTH THAT I USE AS GENDER-NEUTRAL THINGS TO ALL PPL. IM RLLY SORRY IF I MISGENDER U, I RLLY DONT MEAN TO, ITS JS A THING I SAY!!!

This is a cool funky collage of my vibes 😁😁, a courtesy of my beautiful, talented, cool, funky, awesome sauce moot: @dont-turn-left

✨my moonshine✨: @corvibb

my fav girlies:

Little ball of sunshine <3: @permetutotheworld Professional crash outer <3: @theheightsarewuthering

some guy that keeps telling me to drink water: @st4rboyloser

a very dear friend that gangs up w Cael to bully me into drinking water :(( : @jammahanna

Cool girl Elora she listens to me yap :DDD : @agirlsgirlwink

WATERMELON IS PINK, FUCK YOU @corvibb

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Teamwork makes the dream work fr!! Always happy to throw out some ideas o7

LMAOO yeah idk I think there was a lot of missed potential with the galaxy dragons (also the required island habitat thing kinda pissed me off but wtv I guess)

Truly nothing is happening each chapter….speaking of it feels like it’s been forever since the last one?? Or maybe my perception of time is just awful LMAO but dude this is like my dream I used to cheer for fics that were above 1k hit the jackpot FR i can’t wait to unravel the layers!!!

It truly is just the fanon brainwashing echo chamber…it’s kinda crazy how often this happens in like every fandom but I guess not completely unexpected…

WILL DEFINITELY RETURN FOR COMMENTARY idk how im gonna do this ill probably binge it all and leave like a mega commentary ask LMAOO or maybe ill split it up by section?? Im inclined to do just one big one but at the same time I don’t wanna like forget my thoughts as I read or maybe I’ll actually follow through annotation live reaction style LMAOA (also autocorrect is NOT my bestie it’s so inconsistent in capitalizing and fixing my punctuation so if anything looks goofy in my writing that’s also why like I’ll leave these here as an example by why are half my “I’ll”s properly punctuated and half not???)

YOURE SO RIGHT Karasu #1 truly…he’s THE MAN

FR like now im like wait so which is it like is he secretly a bully or…/j hoping the light novel gives more insight…but YEAH I think if he had like a fwtkac y/n he’d probably just brush off her insults and banter respond maturely I can’t really see him participating in that sort of banter…I feel like yuki’s probably one of the ones I’d say friends to lovers fits well with..? Or some type of strangers to lovers but specifically in like a form of pining from a distance maybe (since he likes ethereal things idk, also I never understood what that meant in terms of his “fetish”??? First of all kinda random fact to throw in but also how….? I can’t tell if I’m being crazy or not but)

LMAOO i remember watching it a long time ago and it was definitely entertaining HAHAH but TAKE A HINT IS SOOOO ICONIC!! I love it sm have the lyrics literally memorized and it’s so perfect for karaoke too LOL but YESS ADDED TO THE LIST o7 honestly im just excited for whatever you throw out next it could honestly even be a fic for shidou and id read it too there’s just no misses on account >>> ok but seriously now im super hyped for the best friends brother idea too so much potential!!! And honestly we probably read the same fics with otoyas younger sister (since the tag is so barren </3) I’ve also definitely seen a fair share of Reo’s younger sister dating nagi!! We love mold deviations >>> but I’ll admit some of the chatacter’s sister works I’ve read were pretty entertaining when done well!

I somehow read that wrong at first and thought it said that YOU shyed away from female characters and I was like….are you sure about that?? LMAOAO but FR I’ve definitely noticed that too….especially in other fandoms the only time I’ve seen another female character is usually when she’s acting like a plot device villain to create some drama or something and I’m like oh…. THE CENSORING LMAOO I’m gonna admit the plot device villain women side characters was definitely most prevalent on said website LMFAO I think specifically in using them as a tool for like jealousy or cheating or wtv I remember reading some and I was like oh. Ok then. Closed the tab and didn’t look back because sometimes it doesn’t make sense either like you can tell they’re really just there to be used in your typical jealousy trope

Also the gymnastics my brain did for no reason reading brothers best friend and best friends brother LMAOAO I got it now though so all good

I definitely think that it makes sense who has siblings and who doesn’t! Like it fs fits their characters but I remember flipping through the Bible and being like “man I wish there were more content in yours/aka family crumbs” LMAO ok Kunigami is definitely a rare breed of middle child…like the ideal middle child LMAO his sister raised him right (before wild card eek) to this day I still don’t know what I imagined otoya to be it is NOT middle child though…I guess the closest would be youngest sibling maybe?? I was kinda surprised he was sandwiched between two sisters though (especially since he’s a cheater but we’ve already had this convo HAHA) LMFAOO PARTICULAR BRAND OF SHITHEAD that’s so real I think I also partially felt that just because he was on the older side of BLLK? But I can definitely say he’s the younger bro who probably gets bossed around lightly by his older sister but has enough respect for her to let her do so and just goes with what she asks(I can imagine her sending him on like errands or asking for favors like pick up some tea on the way home or pick up this lipgloss for me) LMAO

I’m laughing so hard yeah if I spawned shidou into the world I would be done after one too LMFOAOA

Ok off to read pomegranate ink!! Get ready for a lot of commentary LOL

-Karasu anon

in general i feel like dragonvale had a lot of missed potential…i wish there was a way you could interact with the dragons?? like pet them or smth idk LMAOO ik it’s supposed to simulate a zoo so realistically you wouldn’t be petting them but they’re so cuteee like let me cuddle w them!!

i think the leaks have been dropping earlier and earlier so it seems like a lot of time has passed since the last chapter maybe?? the last one i can remember is 269 i believe where rin starts going a bit crazy 😭 but i forget when that came out

yeahh i think it’s just to be expected from fandoms atp!! once one person characterizes a character in a certain way everyone tends to follow that (especially if that fic gets popular) at the end of the day it is what it is 😩

HAHA dwww autocorrect is so unreliable i get it!! and either way i look forward to hearing your thoughts 🫡 even if it’s literally just “cool story 👍” LMAOAAO

i feel like fetish must be some weird kind of lost in translation thing?? like maybe it means preference or smth that they find attractive but not necessarily in a strictly sexual way (because if it is sexual then what is going on w yuki…how are you turned on by ephemeral things?? like he gives cherry blossoms as an example which doesn’t even makes sense 😭 does he bust every time he goes out during the spring)

PLEASEEEE OMG NOT SHIDOU i feel like now i have to write him just to see if i can do it in a way that’s appealing LMAOAO that would truly be the greatest challenge ever…haha i agree idm character’s younger sister when it’s done well!! i’ve been in some fandoms though where especially for long fics people will just make their “character’s younger sister” characters exact copies of the older sibling because they can’t come up w something of their own (jjk is notorious for this…the amt of gojo’s younger sister characters that exist in this world is crazy)

i NEVER shy away from a good female side character 😤 i think it’s come to the point where so many people just use female characters as obstacles to the main relationship that readers automatically expect it and jump to hating on female characters just for existing in a story or even daring to BREATHE near the male lead even if they’ve shown no interest in him. i have one story where i have a character who’s kind of the reader’s adopted sister?? and at one point she’s sick so the main love interest helps her back to her room…the death threats that poor character received for that are INSANE!! the whole point of the scene was to show how the main love interest is a generally caring guy too and she at that point already has an established love interest of her own so the hate was truly unwarranted but people were just unable to see beyond the love interest daring to interact w a girl 😒

otoya gives me only child vibes or like i can see him having a younger brother!! def not being stuck between two sisters given his interesting dating habits…LMAOO kunigami was raised well though 👆���� needs to be studied wtf ego did to him in wildcard because how did his entire personality change like that?? was my man in there getting tortured or smth tf 😭 and yess i do think karasu being one of the older ones in bllk and teasing isagi/rin/shidou (who’s technically older than him but wtvr) for being immature made it seem as though he would be an older sibling but agreed i can see him being the younger sibling who has to go get a glass of water for his older sister every time she asks and whatnot

see this is why i need to know what shidou’s parents are like…like are they like him?? or is he completely an anomaly amongst his family?? LMAO truly top ten greatest mysteries of bllk

I AM READY FOR THE COMMENTARY 🫡

[black-academia]

hello, again!!! 🖤

~another tiny update: (this tiny update got out of hand lol) anyway...... i am, and have been, working on getting everyone who expressed interest access to my references (in organized and annotated form), and other helpful resources on this topic of research!

mostly, i just wanted to say thank you again for the support and interest! i was just so blown away by everyone’s likes, messages, comments, and well-wishes... every paper i’ve turned in to my advisor has had a dumb, shameless pun in the title, and i’ve literally interned at the U.S. library of congress... but 0.000003% of tumblr’s attention focused on my paper is what gets me flustered 😭

(p.s. there's a little more info below the cut!)

so, i have decided to present the information from my research in a more accessible format... as a black first-gen immigrant community college-graduate with disabilities, who is finally about to graduate after like a decade of health stuff getting in the way of school, i’m really passionate about making sure everyone feels included in spaces like the one i’ve been trying to create using this blog... so, i mean, i could just share a long list of references… but slogging through dense academic sources can be really discouraging for some, and i’d love for as many people to get something out of this project as possible.

i envision (in approximate order of posting):

a fairly dry post of references with short annotations pointing to the useful sections + links that lead to the sources, with ideally nothing behind a paywall;

a second post covering my full paper and the main and supporting arguments, evidence, and of course, a controversies' section lol;

and i promise it won’t begin with “oookay tumblr,,, let me learn you a heckin’ thing!!!” :3

+ smaller occasional posts where i dive into a tangent i find interesting, or ~you~ find interesting and want additional information on... (have you been wondering something about my paper... or anything else? you can just ask me!)

also, in other good news, i’d like to share that I’ve been awarded a great slot in the conference i mentioned and will be presenting The Paper in, like, 10 days (!!!)

however, i am literally the embodiment of several mental illnesses and compulsive perfectionism in a trench coat pretending to be a perfectly functional, neurotypical human being, in her last semester of college... so please bear with me on timelines for the big posts.

tbh you can just ignore the photos up there... that’s just me messing around with formatting and completely abusing my newfound power of image background removal... EXCEPT!!! those are cool model livers for divination!!!: (1) Babylonian clay liver (2050-1750 BCE); (2) a liver model from Mari with the omen of siege (2000 BCE); (3) Liver of Piacenza (~100 BCE).

lastly (!) i would also love, if you’ve read this far, if you could let me know what has been your fave content from this space... i LOVE all the moodboards and the dark academia aesthetic posts, especially with minority representation (and will be making more myself when i have more time)… but i’m trying to make this space more interactive and bump up the academia in “dark academia”, rather than have it mainly be a space where i episodically resurface to reblog moodboards to thousands of people every few weeks.

but yeah! thank youuu again, especially if you read this far, and my inbox is always open!!!

- Sai 🖤

[estellamiraiauthor]

The Stars May Rise and Fall: The Annotated Re-read (Chapter 1)

Hey there Tumblr, long time no see! Let’s try something fun and new!

So, a few years ago, when The Stars May Rise and Fall was first published, I tried to do an “annotated copy” as a giveaway—i.e. a paperback with all my little “making of” notes in the margins. That lasted… about three pages, before I gave up on writing legibly enough for anyone else to read AND on cramming everything I wanted to say literally between the lines.

But I still really do like the IDEA of a sort of on-screen commentary, and it’s feeling like about time for a re-read anyway. (Yes, I read my own book. Why write the book you want to read if you’re not going to actually read it, amirite?) So… why not do it here?

Feel free to read along, if you like. If you haven’t read The Stars May Rise and Fall yet but are just generally interested in Phantom retellings or whatnot, this first one won’t spoil anything you can’t get in the “Look inside” preview on Amazon, although future ones might. So grab a copy and join me?

Regret is a pretty strong word, and not one I’m sure I want to use at all about this book, which is very much the book of my heart, the book I wrote because I wanted to read it and it didn’t exist. But if I regret anything about it, it’s that I decided to make the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical the first version of Phantom I paid homage to. Now, I definitely don’t regret including the ALW Phantom in the MANY versions I ultimately ended up giving little nods too. Like a lot of angsty kids in the 90s, it was the version that really got me interested in seeking out others, after all. But seeing reviews (and before that, rejections from literary agents) saying that they stopped reading after two or three chapters because “it followed the ALW musical too closely”… maybe I should have modelled the opening scenes after a different version, or just done something entirely new.

Still, it is what it is. And back in 2004 or whenever it was when I first had the idea for a visual kei Phantom retelling, I didn’t really consider opening with any other format than the tried and true “Phantom character hears Christine character singing, reaches out through the mirror to offer help” kind of formula.

A lot of it was also shaped by the venue itself. While “Rock Eden”, the live house where Teru and his band most often perform, doesn’t exist by that name, it’s basically Meguro Rock Maykan—which is a real venue, that at the time looked the way it’s described in the book and is still in the same location. And I knew from the start that that was where I wanted to set my Phantom. While most live houses are standing room only, or might have a few bar stools at the back, Rock Maykan apparently used to be an adult theater (it was certainly SOME kind of movie theater; the adult part could be an urban legend), and as of 2000, when the book is set, had these old-fashioned theatre seats (which have since been removed) and a balcony that’s off-limits to ticket holders but could be accessed by venue staff and anyone with a backstage pass. I’ve also been backstage there, and the dressing room is (or was at the time), practically wallpapered with old backstage passes and graffiti… perfect for a story that so deeply involves the ghosts of both people and dreams.

So, the mirror was that backstage mirror, and “Box Five” was going to be that balcony. Because of course no one has private dressing rooms in tiny little hole-in-the-wall venues like this, I couldn’t have Rei, my Phantom, talking to Teru directly through the mirror, but I wanted that basic formula for the opening… for better or worse. Sorry, one-star Amazon reviewer?

One of the things I always kind of imagined people would ask me once the book was a big hit (haha!) was how, exactly, Rei heard Teru singing and managed to contact him. At one point, I had written part of that scene in Rei’s point of view as well, but ended up dropping that point of view entirely (again, to the chagrin of several reviewers). Maybe someday I’ll be famous enough to get to do a Midnight Sun from his POV? XD

Anyway, if you’re interested. Teru has a backstage pass that gets him into the dressing room (and the balcony, if he wants, but he doesn’t have any reason to want to go up there until later). But Rei has access to EVERYTHING, including places where only the venue staff would be able to go, thanks to Chizuru, his assistant-slash-former hair and makeup artist, who now works part-time at Rock Eden. This is never really laid out on the page, but my sort of headcanon is that the owner/manager (who also never appears on-page) is one of the few people in the industry who knows that Rei survived the accident that disfigured him, and that Chizuru basically got the job (despite having income from elsewhere) so that she could secure access for Rei so that he could continue to scout talent. Now, I don’t ACTUALLY know what the venue-staff-only areas look like (I’ve been backstage, but as a staff member for a band, not the venue itself)… but that’s at Rock Maykan. This is Rock Eden, the fictional version, so we can go ahead and assume that there’s some kind of back hallway that can’t be accessed from the dressing room, but is separated from it by a thin wall, and that Rei heard Teru singing and talking to his bandmates from there.

These shows also used to have flyers for each band. (I’m not sure if they still do; musicals and things have definitely cut back on the amount of paper they pass out.) Fans would receive a pack of flyers when they entered the venue, and Chizuru, as staff, could easily take a pack from the pile. So Rei hears Teru singing to himself, thinks he’s got the right voice for his music, and then Yasu comes in, and they start talking. At some point, someone uses Teru’s name, and Rei asks Chizuru to get him a pack of flyers, which he uses to figure out which band Teru is in. There’s only one Teru playing that night, so he’s able to use the flyers to figure out that Teru is the drummer from La Rose Verboten, so he knows who Teru is when he comes onstage, despite having only heard his voice before.

And I think he kinda falls in love right there. He doesn’t WANT to… ohhh, there are SO many reasons he doesn’t want to, and he doesn’t dare to think that there’s any chance that ANYONE would ever love him back, but somewhere, buried deep under a lot of trauma and denial, he sees Teru onstage—and Teru LOVES being onstage, he loves music and it absolutely shines through—and Rei, despite himself, wants to talk to him.

I think there’s a lot of internal warring with himself over the course of Teru’s set, which would be maybe 20 minutes long. Rei knows he shouldn’t, it’s SUCH a bad idea to reach out to this guy who’s got this beautiful voice but also is just So Gorgeous… but he has to. And he has these business cards, because this was before you could just wave your phones at each other to exchange contact information and that was how you’d make connections, so he sucks up his fear and writes a note, and gives it to Chizuru before he can lose his nerve.

And Chizuru knew where to drop it because all of these bands are using the same dressing room, and a lot of them would have the same or similar equipment, so they write their names on electrical tape and stick it to their stuff, so she found the equipment that said Teru and La Rose Verboten and was able to leave it where he would find it. In case anyone was wondering.

The actual structure of the chapter itself… I’m still not sure if I love it. This opening was ROUGH for me to write, partially BECAUSE I knew that I was opening with kind of a cliché scene and needed to make it enough of a “hook” to make people want to read beyond that. There were literally maybe about 50 versions of it over the years, and I ended up with the current version, where the whole “hearing the beautiful voice through the mirror” thing has already happened and is being recounted as a memory in past-perfect, and the “present” of the story is Teru later that night, back in his apartment, going through the same kind of internal battle over whether he’s actually going to call this mystery number.

Of course, he does, and I think this kind of mirrors what Rei must have gone through earlier (so, maybe I should’ve kept that POV?). He KNOWS it can’t possibly be an actual talent scout or record producer… but Teru and Rei both, despite being pessimistic over a lot of things, always have a little spark of optimism buried somewhere in there, too. So he calls. And he falls in love just a little with Rei’s voice too, although he also buries that deep because he’s so firmly in denial about his sexuality at this point.

This is another point I get a LOT of flack about—how unrealistic it is that Teru would just agree to go to this guy’s apartment when they don’t know each other at all. And all I can say about that is… I definitely did similar things when I was Teru’s age (21). Was it the safest thing to do? Nope. Would I want my kids doing the same thing? Hell no, absolutely not. But do 21-year-olds do stupid things sometimes? You bet! So, yes, I have gone to the tiny Tokyo apartments of people I didn’t know very well. Including men. Including older men. And I was fine, not because that was a good decision—again, it is MOST EMPHATICALLY NOT—but because I was lucky. Like a lot of the people who do a few stupid things in their youth are.

As far as whether this fictitious character in a work of fiction is supposed to be a role model or whatever—it’s a novel for adults, about some pretty complicated and dark and occasionally messed-up stuff. (See also Rei’s struggle to accept his disabilities… is it the Best Possible Reaction™️ to the situation? Absolutely not. But you can’t say it’s not a reaction that a human being could feasibly have.) I think it’s pretty clear that I did NOT intend this to be some kind of morality lesson on how to have the perfect relationship and love yourself in the process. I understand that some readers want every bad decision to have negative consequences… in the case of Rei, I think a lot of the self-destructive behavior eventually does. But yeah, Teru does something stupid and dangerous and doesn’t suffer because of it… and that happens to real people too, every day.

I honestly think a big part of it, too, was my terrible-in-hindsight decision to list this as LGBT+ romance on Amazon. It’s a love story. It’s not a genre romance novel. These characters weren’t written to be “romantic heroes” and in the end, I do wish I had just listed it as general fiction, because I think I inadvertently set up certain stylistic, character, and plot expectations that the story was never intended to meet.

So. The beginning. I don’t really love it. But it’s certainly a hell of a lot better than the very very first draft from 2005, which was basically a shitty songfic of X Japan’s “Unfinished.” :P

[ererokii]

Line without a Hook || E. Jaeger & J. Kirstein

➳ Jean Kirsten x Fem Reader x Eren Jaeger

Word count: 4,517 Warnings: angst, fluff, unrequited love, cursing ➳ note: this is based off the song Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery! I’ve been thinking this for a long time and I’m super excited by how it came out! Also big thanks to @reddriot​ for betaing!

➳ Synopsis: is love really worth it? Let me say, it’s not always worth it.

You can hold my hand if no one’s home.

Do you like it when I’m away?

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

It starts out simple really. A boy and a girl. Childhood friends, to be precise. Those two are inseparable. Nothing can tear the friends apart, besides their parents, of course. Like two peas in a pod. 

Jean says he knows you like the back of his hand. He truly means that. He knows your favorite boy bands from when you were younger, how many terrible phases you’ve gone through, favorite foods, and places. If he wrote a novel about the things you told him, he would be a renowned author. 

Since kindergarten to now, in the middle of your junior year, you and Jean have been side by side. You told him everything. From random vents and gossiping about the rude girls in your class to how horrible your period cramps were— even though Jean hated hearing about the last, he stuck through it for you.

Only you. 

The pavement that followed the street your house was on is memorable. Jean can recall the amount of times you’ve had races, chalk scribbles covering the grey that would be washed away by the angry neighbors. 

He listens to you as you talk about a kid getting in trouble in your Calculus class, watches how lively your motions are as you speak. Jean can’t help but smile when a laugh slips past your lips and you glance at him. There’s an unknown sparkle in his eyes, one filled with love. 

You haven’t changed one bit, he thinks as he faces back forward, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. His mind begins to wander as you both continue down the pavement, part of your routine when school ends. 

Your houses are right next to each other. You’ve been with him since you were in diapers. He was there when your first tooth came out, congratulating you, and you were there for him when he finally learned to ride his bike with two wheels instead of three. 

The bubbly lovable five-year-old back then is the same as you are now. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Oh all my emotions

Feel like explosions when you are around

A sigh of disappointment leaves Jean’s lips when he listens to Connie talk about something he has learned over the weekend (something completely stupid— he just doesn’t care). Currently, the students are at lunch, the cafeteria full with loud shouts and random noises. 

“Connie, shut up,” Sasha groans, placing her water bottle on the table, wiping her crumbs off. “No one cares that you finally figured out how to stick a spoon to your nose.”

“What do you mean?! You were the one who showed me!”

The brunette gasps and looks over his way, cream cheeks tinted with an adorable shade of pink, pointing a finger at him. The bickering between the two commence as Jean listens, slightly amused. 

As much as he indulges in their argument, he can't help but wonder where you are. 

It’s not like you to skip lunch, especially without at least letting him know. Did you stay behind to talk to a friend? A teacher? Maybe you went to the bathroom.

But it’s at least 15 minutes in. 

“Sasha,” he speaks up, slicking back his hair. The sound of her name catches her attention, making her look at him. “Have you seen Y/N?”

“Y/N?” she asks in a whisper before her lips curl in a grin, already knowing why he asked. “Do you miss her?”

“Just answer my goddamn question!”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Connie asks, looking between his friends before stopping his gaze on Jean. “Why do you need Y/N?”

“Oh, you know! He lik-”

“Shut up!” Jean shouts, catching the attention of nearby students, his face heating up as his cheeks turn a darker pigment. “Just answer me!”

“If you must know,” she taunts him, twirling a strand of hair from her loose ponytail. “I saw her talking to someone in the hallway. Must be important, she’s been there for quite some time. Might want to be her knight in shining armor and saving her, huh?” she cocks her head to the side, staring at one of the windows in the room, watching as the branches of trees sway from the harsh winds. 

The atmosphere outside was cold, breezes rushing down on anyone who was not inside. The sun was hidden by the thick grey blankets filled with rainwater, waiting to shower the world. The temperature recently has been dropping, mid 50’s at least. The weather was a shock, to say the least. 

“I didn’t know Jean likes her!”

“What do you mean?!” Sasha gasps, turning her body to face her small-minded friend. “It’s only obvious! You must be really stupid then!”

“Well, how could you tell?!”

Before Jean has a chance to interrupt Sasha, she begins to rant. He prefers to stay silent, clasping his hands together in his lap as he lowers his head, finding interest in the marbled tiles of the floor his feet rest on. 

The words that slip past Sasha’s lips reach his ear and out the other. 

It’s easy to tell, Connie. Have you noticed the way he looks at her? Can’t you see the love in his eyes? The way he will actually go out of his way to help her with anything? Here you guys are, two close friends, I thought you would have known about his crush. I’m surprised you didn’t catch on every time he ditched plans with us to go hang out with her. He’s whipped, and you’re too stupid to know it. 

His cheeks turn a shade of pink as his eyes squeeze shut, her words replaying in his head like a broken record player. Each sentence is like a knife stabbing away at his brain, causing the slightest ache to form in his frontal region. 

She’s right. Anything she just said five minutes ago, is completely and utterly correct. 

He can still hear her talking about it to Connie, but he can only focus on three sentences that stick to him like glue. 

Have you noticed the way he looks at her? Can’t you see the love in his eyes? The way he will actually go out of his way to help her with anything?

Memories of him helping you in any possible way come to mind. He can’t recall how many times he has entered class two minutes late because you had so much to carry. 

He stares at you like you’re the only thing worth looking at. It reminds him of those cliche animated movies with hearts in the character's eyes. He’s blinded by his love for you, that he never noticed any signs that you don’t feel the same way about him. His heart races miles per hour when you’re around. Sometimes he worries for himself that maybe, his heart might explode within him. 

“Anyway, lunch has about 20 minutes left...where is she?” Connie mutters, scratching the top of his head.

“I don’t know, but,” Sasha grows quiet, listening to the ongoing thunder from the outside. The lights flicker for a second, a couple of yelps emitting from other students, slightly afraid that the power might go off while school is in session. “The storm is almost here.”

“Y/N!” Connie suddenly yells, pointing in the direction of the door, your body jogging closer to the table. “Where have you been?!”

“Sorry!” you laugh, out of breath as you drop your things on the bench, taking a seat beside Jean. “I got caught up in a conversation with someone! I guess I lost track of time for a bit.”

“I messaged you like four times,” Jean mutters, glancing over at you before looking at the table, playing with the plastic straw that he used to drink out of.

“You did?” you ask, pulling your phone out from your pocket, lips puckering when indeed he did so. “I’m sorry, Jean. I didn’t even feel my phone vibrate.”

“Oh, whatever, who cares! Eat! Or I’ll eat your food!” Sasha yells, pointing a finger at you, a smile gracing her features. 

You laugh along with her as you converse with your peers, the conversation you had replaying in the back of your mind. Jean chooses not to intervene, instead would rather listen. 

The roaring thunder plays in the background, everyone paying no mind to it. What he doesn’t know is that the storm is much closer than Jean could have thought. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Listen close, it’s a no

The wind is a pounding on my back

And I found hope in a heart attack

Oh at last, it is past

Now I’ve got it, and you can’t have it

Another evening, another study session, another day of bottling up his feelings until he can no longer hold them inside.

The storm made its way to shore, raining pouring down and even some hail; not what anyone was expecting. 

Jean mindlessly flips through the pages of his English book, not even paying attention to the words as he checks how many pages are in chapter five. 

“This seems pointless,” he adds with a sigh, tossing the book on your bed along with his highlighter he uses to annotate with. “I should just find a summary online or something, I don’t want to read this.”

“And why is that?” you ask, looking up from your book, placing the hardcover against your thighs. “Is it boring to you?”

“No,” he mutters, rolling onto his back. “It’s stupid. This love crap.”

“Well...it is a romance story, the teacher told us when we got the book. But why do you think it’s dumb?”

“He writes letters for her, and in the end, she ends up rejecting him. I don’t think that’s romantic.”

“And? It’s beautiful on his part,” you close your eyes as you stretch your arms over your head, letting out a grunt. “It’s the fact that he wrote to her every day. It’s like he poured his soul into every word. The words he uses are..literally everything. It makes me swoon over him, and he’s not real. Makes me wonder if someone would do that for me.”

Jean’s head perks up at your words, one of his eyebrows raised in curiosity when he notices the bashful look on your face, eyes averted to the comforter on your bed. “Why do you have that dopey look on your face?”

“Huh?!” your eyes are blown open as you look over at him. “What are you talking about?!”

“I’m talking about that, idiot,” he points at your face, watching your eyes cross faintly to stare at his finger. “You’re acting about that guy in the book.”

The patter of the rain is the only noise that fills the void called silence in your room. His warm eyes don’t leave your face at all, waiting for your answer. You’ve been acting weird ever since you were late to lunch this past week. 

He watches your mouth open as if you’ll say something but close it right away, like you were concealing anything you had to hide.

“...well? Y/N? Are you there?”

“Yeah!” you cough into your elbow, running a hand down your face. “I-- you can’t tell anyone.”

“You know I never tell anyone what we talk about.”

You’re silent, a bit too quiet than usual. You fiddle with your fingers before blurting the words that have been eating away at you. 

Jean’s heart stops for a moment, eyes wide in shock when he processes it. His blood runs cold as he’s unable to move, frozen like a statue. The signals in his brain begged him to respond, but he couldn’t. He could hear the faintest sound of bells ringing in his ears; all noise surrounding him was now drowned out by his thoughts. 

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds. 

“You like someone?” he asks in a whisper, barely audible to your ears, but you heard as you nod shyly, biting down on your lip. “Well... who is it?”

“That’s...I can’t say it.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I’m afraid to say it out loud because I don’t want to ruin my friendship with him.”

Friendship? That could be anyone at this point.

I have to figure out who, he thinks as he draws random patterns into the sheets. “Well, tell me about him then. Is he in our grade?” he asks.

“Yeah, he is. He’s in four of my classes.”

Jean was in four of your classes. Math, English, Foreign Language, and Science. 

“That’s it?”

You huff, rolling your eyes. “Can I finish before you interrupt? Thank you.”

You pause momentarily before speaking again.

“He’s stubborn. I’ve noticed that his demeanor changes when it depends on who he is with. He seems like a hardass and looks like he doesn’t want to be bothered, but he seems like a total softie when he’s with people he loves. Not to mention he’s hot...and tall. He’s blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t bullshit at all. He’s really sweet as well, to me. He always goes out of his way to make sure I’m okay and how my day was. He just..he seems to care for me, and I feel the same way about him.”

Jean takes every word you say into consideration. He’s stubborn, it seems that he doesn’t like to be around people he doesn’t know but loves those he does know. He knows he’s hot. Practically every day he looks at himself in the mirror and thinks about how good he looks.

He’s blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t bullshit at all. He’s really sweet as well, to me. He always goes out of his way to make sure I’m okay and how my day was. He just..he really seems to care for me, and I feel the same way about him.

Jean can feel his doubt and worry turn into happiness and confidence as you keep on ranting, to which he’s not fully paying attention anymore. He knows it's him. It has always been him.

No one else.

Jean likes you.

And you like Jean, that’s all there is to it. 

“Do you want to tell him?”

“Yeah...” you trail off, scratching the nape of your neck. “I want to tell him on Friday after school. Do you think he’ll like me back?”

“I think he would. How could he not? He would be a total idiot to reject you.”

You hum at his reassurance, placing your hand on his, squeezing gently.

“Thanks, Jean.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Darling when I’m fast asleep

I've seen this person watching me

Saying, “Is it worth it? Is it worth it?”

Tell me, is it worth it?

Friday comes, and Jean can hardly wait for school to end. He’s not paying attention, his eyes constantly staring from the whiteboard in the front to the clock that tauntingly ticks slower than usual. 

He bites down on the pink end of his pencil in anticipation, tapping his foot repeatedly on the floor, the noise resonating through the classroom. 

Maybe I should just keep my eyes off the clock, he thinks, lowering his head back to the worksheet their teacher gave the class.

Econ class was a drag. He could care less about the differences in macro and microeconomics, the same with Communism and Capitalism. It’s just a bunch of words that don’t make sense to his brain. 

This was one of the classes he didn’t have with you, the last class. 

Instead of doing his worksheet (luckily, the teacher said it would be for homework if it wasn’t finished), Jean proceeded to think about ways he could tell you his feelings.

He could be old fashioned, tell you how much he adores you and how happy you make him feel when you’re around. How his heart can be heard from the outside of his body, how his hands got warm and clammy, maybe sweaty when he became too nervous.

Or

He could ask you out on a date. Take you somewhere, one of the places you’ve told him in the past that would make a great date for you. He smiles when he thinks about taking you downtown at night, looking at the soft lights that would brighten the streets; loving the sparkle in your orbs as you look around in awe. 

He hums, pleased with himself when he figures out what he’ll do, scratching the back of his ear. 

He wonders if you’re thinking the same thing.

-

You glance at your table partner, looking at his piece of paper before looking down at yours, displeased how his is able to look better than yours. You pick up your eraser, gently wiping the shadings away from your drawing, careful not to crease your paper.

“It’s not that hard you know, you just don’t know how to shade.”

“I know how to shade, Eren,” you reply with a huff, placing your eraser back down. “It’s just...this is a bit harder than usual.”

“All you have to do is follow the markings,” he presses the edge of his drawing pencil against the reference photo both of you are using, tracing the shape of it. “You could honestly just copy the photo, I doubt this woman would even notice.”

You chuckle at his choice of words, shifting in your seat to get comfortable. “I don’t think she would anyway. She just stares at it and calls it an A. I bet for our expressive project, she wouldn’t notice if we copied each other.”

He shakes his head with a smile, the loose strands of his hair swaying with his head movement. “No, she wouldn’t,” he rolls the sleeves of his hoodie to his elbows, grabbing his pencil again. “Then again, we are working on it with each other.”

“Speaking of that, what should we do?”

“Up to you, Y/N. I don’t mind. I’m just trying to pass this stupid class anyway.”

You relish in the silence between you as you gaze at him from your peripheral. You take notice how his hair frames his face effortlessly to the dip in his nose. It’s perfect how it forms to his cupid’s bow to his lips; not too big nor too small either. Just right. 

You clear your throat, scratching at the nape of your neck. “Why not do...stages of love?”

That catches his interest.

“Stages of love?” he asks, moving in his chair to face you, a hand propping his head up. “Elaborate?”

“Like you know...how we gain a crush on someone. We like how they make us feel, and soon we think about them some more. Maybe make little scenarios in our head. Then we gain the crush and want to be around them. You know what I mean, right?”

He’s silent, hues that represent the blue of rivers, boring into your own. At first, you think he hates your idea, but then the corner of his lips curls into his infamous grin. “Yeah, I like that. Did you have anything else in mind?”

“Maybe...rejection?”

“Rejection?” he repeats, a bit shocked at how romantic your words were, to something filled with sadness. “And why would you want to do rejection?”

“W-Well,” you stutter, unsure how you should put it. “Everyone always talks about the good in love but never the bad. And I think it could be done good, you know?”

He hums, scratching away at his chin before nodding. “Yeah, alright. That sounds oddly specific, but I like it. We can honestly get started soon, that way, we can finish faster and not worry about it.”

His smile throws you for a loop, your face heating up as you pick up your pencil, trying to distract yourself. 

“Say, Y/N?”

“Yes, Eren?” you reply a bit too quickly, cursing yourself out internally for sounding too desperate. 

“Can we talk?” his cheeks are a shade of pink, his eyes averted as he plays with one of the strings of his hood, reminding you how a child would distract themselves. The tips of his shoe nudge against yours, barely kicking gently.

“Aren’t we talking right now?”

“No, I mean after school.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer

Watching over me, he’s singing, 

Jean storms out of his Econ class with a grin, hands gripping onto the straps of his backpack as he looks down one end of the hallway before going down the other direction. The art room was three classes down his. Usually, Jean will wait right there by the door for you since you take ages to finally leave the classroom. 

When Jean finally reaches the room, he sees that the doors are locked, and the lights inside are off.

Huh, that’s weird, you’re always one of the last to leave, nor are you ever this early. 

He stands there for a few more seconds, peering in through the small glass, and sees nothing before taking a step back and quickly continues to walk down the hall. His legs are quicker, going down the two flights of stairs. 

His eyes frantically search for the yellow shirt you wore, unable to find you anywhere. 

“Sasha!” he calls out once he reaches the end of the stairs, running towards the girl and their friend, who was at the lockers, pulling things she needed to take home for the weekend. 

The brunette looks over her shoulder, stopping her conversation with Connie as she shuts her locker. “Yeah, Jean?”

He pants, leaning on his knees before letting out a deep breath and standing straight up. “Have you seen Y/N?”

She ponders for a while before shaking her head, looking over at Connie, who shakes his head, shrugging. “We haven’t seen her since Art class.”

“You didn’t see where she went at all?”

The events before class ending play in her mind before she gasps, snapping her fingers, pointing up at Jean. “Yeah, I know where she went!”

“...are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to guess?!”

She mocks him for a second before pulling her phone out. “I could have seen her leave with Eren. I think they went to the bench in the back. You know the one I’m talking about?”

He’s taken aback for a moment before shaking his head, retaining the information. “Alright, thanks.”

Why would you even be with Eren right now? You never meet with him after-

“Are we still on for this weekend?!” Connie yells when Jean is making his way down the corridor.

“Yeah, we are!” Jean's voice travels through the air, reaching both of his friends, hands clammy as they’re shoved in the front pocket of his pants. 

The walk to the back courtyard was tiresome. His feet seemed to drag behind him, an aching feeling forming in his gut. Thoughts pounded against his skull repeatedly, trying to force him to stop. He wants to stop, but he has to go.

He has to tell you he loves you. 

He can’t help but smile when you describe the boy you like this week. In his mind and most certainly his heart, he was the king of the world sitting on his high horse as he screamed in victory, letting the whole world know that the person he likes, feels the same way about him. 

The fresh air from the outside meets his nostrils as he deeply inhales, allowing it to enter his body before exiting. The sun is the first thing he meets with as he exits the building, bringing a hand up to shield his eyes away from the harsh light. He mutters something under his breath as he looks around for a second. 

“She’s a,

She’s a lady and I’m just a boy”

His honey orbs finally stop on a bench where you and Eren are seated, that’s not too far away, but his body is hidden from your view. He lets out a sigh of relief, leaves crunching underneath his feet as he walks, not taking long strides, rather walking slow to rethink what he’ll say.

“Y/N, I’ve liked you for a long...no,” he mutters, stopping in his tracks as he looks down at the green grass and leaves, kicking away at them. “I’ve loved- no, that sounds a bit aggressive, goddammit,” he groans, tugging at the roots of his hairs. “Why is this so fucking hard?!” he growls underneath his breath, leaning against the brick wall. 

He never was anything else but honest with you. How could he say it?

What if this ruins your relationship?

...what if you liked Eren?

His breath hitches in his throat when realization dawns on him. His lips part, a soft exhale releasing from within him. His fingers curl around nothing, as if he was holding the air’s hand. The tips of his fingers shake, his whole body stiffening as he stares hard at nothing. 

How could he be so stupid?

It all made sense now. How you stayed behind during lunch that one time without saying anything; in the back of his mind that day, he knew that someone had to be a boy, maybe a girl. Even then, you would always let him know. 

Jean should have known from the beginning that you only saw him as a brother. 

His chest aches as his vision goes blurry, biting down on the inside of his lip to the point where he can taste the bitter metallic on his tongue. He squeezes his eyes shut before opening, wishing he hadn’t at that moment. 

He’s singing

“She’s a, she’s a lady and I am just a line without a hook.”

His heart breaks, stomach-dropping when he sees Eren’s hand brings you closer to his body, lips pressed up against yours; your hand placed on his cheek, cradling his face. Even from where he stands, he can sense the urgency in the kiss, how your bodies move together as one, how your fingers grip onto him like he’ll leave any moment. 

His lower lip quivers for a second, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, clearing his throat. Jean cranes his neck upward, looking at the sky, muttering the words, “Why him?” over and over like a mantra, no other words coming to mind. 

When he closes his eyes, all he can see is you. Not Eren, just you. Those moments where you laugh, cry, or stay silent, those are the moments that flash in his head.

Did he do something to you? Was it something he said?

Did you ever like him at all?

“It’s pointless,” he whispers, pushing himself off the brick wall, immediately making a beeline for the doors. He swallows harshly, legs moving faster than ever, wanting to get out of this hell hole called reality. 

Like every day, you’ll walk down the same pavement you’ve been walking on for years.

Only this time, he’s walking alone. 

Oh, and if I could take it all back

I swear that I would pull you from the tide. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

taglist: @sleepysnk @jaegerbomb20​ @reddriot​ @kkiimmberly​ @kingtamakimurder​ @tamasoft​ @byougen​ @spike-this-ass​ @crimsonbows-and-arrows​ @squidonmywall​ @thicmitten​ (message me to be apart of it!)

[witchthewriter]

helloo! i hope that you’re having an amazing day!! i saw your blog through one of my mutuals and let me tell you, im amazed! you are so talented. do you have a watt pad? or will you publish books in the future? id love to support you. 🤍

okay im sorry if that’s too personal I just got carried away 😄. i wanted to join your ship game if its still possible. fandoms i choose are peaky blinders, harry potter and stranger things.

about me: she/her, heterosexual, infp

little bit more:

i love reading and annotating books.

i love baking especially things that have chocolate in.

i love Winter and snowy days .( im happy that they’re close now anyways)

i am afraid of bugs (sadly) but i hate it when someone kills them.

i like drawing and sketching.

i am fascinated by different cultures but always keep a safe line between so I don’t come off as disrespectful.

i love it when people are thoughtful and understanding towards each other.

i hate conflicts and people misunderstanding me.

fun fact; i love ballet and bella hadid (but I have many more loved celebrities like lily rose 😌) 🫶🏼

i like vintage and retro stuff

my personality: quiet and cold from outside but if you’d get to know me i am not cold 🤧. would say emphatic and sensitive but I don’t know how others see me 😄.

okay that’s it! Thank you so much for your time energy and patience. Have a great day, waiting more posts from you 🫶🏼🥰

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋

I am LITERALLY DOING PUPPY DOG EYES RIGHT NOW, why would you say such a nice thing! I'm actually going to cry. Your support means so much to be. I actually am writing a book! I started it for my uni assignment and I decided I want to publish it someday (although there's a long way to go before THAT ever happens <3)

What each ship has in common:

⋆ They’re usually the leader/in charge ⋆ Responsible  ⋆ The person who people look to for advice ⋆ Get shiz done ⋆ Get along well with kids (I mean Tommy might not fit in this but he does love his children very much)

𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐲 𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Thomas Shelby! I can see your relationship firstly being a fake one. Where you have something he wants and vice versa; you get married to so his business can progress even further, and you do it so your family is protected/safe/well-looked after. While spending more time with each other, you fall in love. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Very sarcastic and witty with each other

・Relationship tropes; ‘partners in crime,’ ‘fake relatiopnship > falling in love > actually happy you married each other.’ 

・He buys you anything and everything. I mean it gets excessive. You probably donate a lot of stuff to charity/neighbours/family/friends. He doesn’t mind. He just wants you to have everything you ever dreamed of

・Isn’t big on pet names, probably calls you a variation of your first name. Maybe even your last name

・Rocky relationship until you understand Tommy’s motives; not just about the business, but himself, his backstory, the war etc

・You’re always protected  - you’re literally apart of the Shelby family. No one tells you what todo, actually no one even denies you anything. I feel like you could do WHATEVER you wanted and no one would bat an eye

𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐏𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Remus Lupin! (Whatever age you wish) the only difference would be that Older Remus is a bit more mature and ... has suffered more ... I’m so sorry I could have worded that better but my brain is having a hissy fit <3

AND! I actually want Joseph Quinn to play young Remus Lupin? Tell me he wouldn’t fit the role so fricken well?? 

Okay so I think you two would be such a good match! I get the sense that you’re very kind, moreso then you realise. Compassionate and caring also, which would catch Remus’ eye. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Being so so soft with each other - like holding hands, stroking each other’s hair, swift kisses, rubbing the palm of his hand. 

・He likes to rest his head in your lap. It’s where he feels safest, and the most calm. 

・On full moon nights, (when he isn’t able to take his potion) he will lock himself in a room, chain himself up and you have to listen to his cries/whines/howls all night...

・Being a really really strong couple - your relationship is founded on honesty, real love and understanding. People look up to you guys. 

・He likes it when you hum, or sing. It makes him feel all fuzzy inside - he hadn’t ever dreamed of someone falling in love with him. 

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Steve Harrington! I get ‘it’ girl vibes from you to be honest, like you would totally be queen bee - but not in a mean way - not at all negative. I just think you would do really well in a leading role! 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Making fun of his hair, trying to mess it up and Steve is like “Hey! Woah woah woah what are you doing little missy!” And he’s swatting your hand away

・THE KIDS LOVE YOU. If Steve is the Mum then you would take a more relaxed approach. Because I love it the thought of him being absolutely worried about these kids and so overprotective. “Dustin put that down,” “Lucas do not make me come over there,” “Max I WILL pull this car over!”

And you’re like, “honey it’s okay. Really it’s alright.” Trying to soothe your flustered boyfriend who is taking this babysitting thing so goddamn seriously

・Making a playlist for him, and it’s about how you feel. He gets giddy dude.  “For me? Babe! I love it!!!” And he scoops you up and spins you around. He plays it all the time. Everywhere. In his room. In his car. In other people’s car. He takes it everywhere with him. 

・Is so much more responsible then people give him credit for - like your parents (or single parent/guardian up to you) thought Steve was a playboy who was  up to no good. But he was literally the one making sure everyone else was safe

・Getting drunk with Steve, can you imagine? He comes up with the most randomest stuff. But I also feel like he would be worried what you’d say (because of what happened with Nancy) but you just gush about how much you love him and never want to be without him. He is literally a blushing mess and won’t stop repeating ‘I love you y/n’

[superhero--imagines]

Etsy Store Here l Ko-Fi l Commission Info I Instagram I Zine

A/N: Looking for a beta reader for a personal writing piece, let me know if you feel like you're a pretty good editor! Also this has been sitting in my drafts for like 2 months, and IDK maybe I'll do more of them since it's kinda fun.

* Omg this freak is so stupid into the fact that you literally create universes with those godly hands

* I’m not kidding, I think a good 80% of his initial attraction to you was because you’re writing will literally make you immortal

* “You’re going to live forever,” Satoru says slightly breathless as he holds one of your print publications in his hand

* You’re just like ‘wtf’ so he explains-

* “You die twice, once when your body can no longer sustain itself, and the second the last time someone says your name.”

* Ah, so he thinks you’ll live forever in the sense that someone will always reference your work

* “That’s not exactly true though, one day the sun will swallow the earth whole, turning everything we love to dust”

* Satoru thinks you sound just like a writer when you say stuff like that

* “Well, unless we find another planet and have a database there or something”

* Satoru googles ‘how to buy a planet’ and ‘how much would it cost to set up a database in space’

* He’s got no respect for your craft- and by that I mean if you’ve got a deadline you’re trying to meet for a submission period or for your editor whatever, he’s just got no respect for it

* Queue Gojo shenanigans where he’ll hide all the pens in the house, or hide your laptop or something just so he can see you all flustered and panicked

* “I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS I ONLY HAVE 12 HOURS TO GET THIS IN!!” You shriek running from one end of your home to the other looking desperately for your laptop charger

* It’s too late in the game to order another one, and you don’t trust leaving Gojo alone in this house

* More than once you’ve left the house to replace whatever Satoru stole only to return to see even more of your things were gone now

* One time he rearranged all the furniture

* “It’s up there,” Gojo says grinning, and you look up to the ceiling fan to see your laptop charger idly hanging off one of the panels

* “I’ll get it down for you if you give me a kiss,” he says cheekily

* There’s sort of a method to the madness

* Part of it is yeah, Gojo loves to laugh, and nothings funnier than you when you’re flustered

* But part of it is you’ve been hunched over your laptop for days now, and you’re starting to be mean to yourself because you’re frustrated

* You need a break

* One he’s more than happy to offer

* And a teeny tiny portion is because he’s lonely

* Whenever you get sucked into a project it’s like you forget about him completely

* So he just wants to remind you he’s here

* And that he loves you

* You sigh, giving him a quick peck, and with a wave of his hand he brings the charger down

* “I expect a better reward when you’re done with your story”

* I think Gojo is probably a pretty big fan of your work

* In fact he’s probably your #1 fan

* But he’s super low-key about it.

* Buys all your publications on pre-order (never in large amounts so you don’t notice)

* If you’ve got into a bigger journal/magazine, or have a book at a bookstore will buy a copy every time he passes by one and see’s it

* He keeps one copy of each work on his bookshelf in the living room

* And then stores the rest/extra copies in a velvet storage box in a temperature-controlled area

* He also has another set that he notoriously marks up with notes/annotations

* “This part sounds like the time I brought them food and took them on a spontaneous date” he’ll say, scribbling furiously into the margin

* Gojo see’s your writing as an extension of you- of your soul

* So he does his best to try and figure out where you get inspiration from

* He’s especially delighted if he notices something he did, inspired something you wrote -

* “Ah the villain hid the hero’s laptop charger so they couldn’t turn in their assignment on top,” he says with a sigh

* - Even if it’s not always positive

* Honestly he plays it so cool you think he doesn’t really think anything of your profession until you come over to his place for the first time and see all your works in a neat line on his shelf

* And even then you think he’s just supporting you because he loves you, after all, they’re all in great condition, he probably hasn’t even opened them.

* And then a little further into the relationship, probably when you move in together or something

* You find all those marked-up copies

* Gojo Satoru has never been redder

* You’re genuinely concerned he might combust

* He’s acting like you just found his porn stash or something

* You wait for a few minutes for him to stammer out an excuse or something

* But when he can’t seem to form any words after several minutes you sigh and close the box

* “I didn’t see anything”

* He just nods

* You start giving him copies of your work yourself now that you know he’s so interested

* “O-oh no it’s fine-“

* It’s actually one of the rare times you see Satoru flustered

* “It’s fine, I insist, I’ve got too many contributor copies anyway”

* He takes them in his hand blushing

* He would show up to all of your readings or signing events -

* Disguised Ofc

* “Hey you should be careful, that guy looks super sketchy-“

* You look to where your manager is pointing, to a tall lanky guy wearing a black hair wig, and these tacky thick-rimmed pink glasses and you sigh

* “No need to worry, that’s just my moronic boyfriend”

* “You don’t have to show up in disguise you know”

* “Well what was I supposed to do? You didn’t invite me” he’s doing that thing where he gets all shy, a blush on his face and his fingers tugging a strand of hair

* You sigh

* The dork is oddly lovable

* “Well, from now on you’ve got an open invitation to all my events”

* He smiles so bright you would think you just offered to blow him in the middle of the bookstore

* He’s got his shortcomings

* “SATORU DID YOU HIDE ALL MY REFERENCE BOOKS?!?!”

* But you couldn’t have asked for a more supportive boyfriend

* “Kiss me and maybe I’ll tell you where they’re at”

* Or a better muse

[autisticlenaluthor]

OKAY I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS, IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-0

1- last kiss annotation on genius:

“Taylor finishes the song before it should have been over to express that she feels like her relationship finished before it should have.”

LIKE???? HOW TO EVER RECOVER FROM THIS AFTER TYING IT TO YOUR FIC???

also can i just point out that this could go both ways like lena was the one who moved but she didn’t GO AWAY you know? like she still wrote to kara and tried so hard to cling to that part of her life and as far as she knew, kara was the one who gave up on her because idk distance made it harder? or maybe in her lowest points lena believed it was because if they couldn’t see each other regularly kara didn’t care about her anymore, or miss her and- see where i’m getting at? i mean you wrote the thing so i’m probably either completely wrong or you’ve thought about this analysis but like it NEEDED TO BE WRITTEN DOWN.

2- everything has changed annotation:

“Swift’s handwritten lyrics reveal that this section (i just wanna know you better, know you better now repetitions yk) was originally:

‘I just wanna know you better

Grow old together

Hold you forever, I’”

EJEHEUEHEHJSHJSHSSGS GAY SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP BECAUSE THIS IS SO KARA OH MY FUCKING GOD I CANNOT WITH THIS ANYMORE

also!!! the ed sheeran part about the “walls painted blue, but i’ll take them down and open up the doors for you” i feel like represents lena so well?? like how a big part of who she is is only familiar to kara you know and just AAAAAAAA

—

anyways!! thanks so much for the recs, i absolutely adore taylor swift and making the connections between her songs and your story is just *chef’s kiss*

okay for last kiss i’ve never read the notations and oh my GOD that hurts. lena and kara’s relationship ended when they were fourteen and i’m not gonna spoil what happened or why lena left specifically but it was ROUGH

i’ve never thought of last kiss from lena’s pov bc when it goes “and i’ll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep” all i can think of is kara looking at her scrapbook filled with photos of her and lena curled up in lena’s hospital bed together while kara’s awake watching her to make sure she’s okay and lena’s fast asleep in her arms.

and also when it’s like “i hope it’s nice where you are, and i hope the sun sets and it’s a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed” kara thinking of her best memory with lena (which i can’t spoil bc it’s literally in the next chapter but it’s SO GOOD) because if lena really is dead, she wants to remember the happy lena and imagine her in a place where she isn’t in pain or suffering anymore.

literally everything you said though is so right bc lenas thought process !! YES !! also just the idea that lena has in her head that she isn’t worth anything if she isn’t sick bc her whole identity was the fact that she was a kid with cancer so she has no idea if kara will even care about her once she’s in remission

the everything is changed original lyrics !!!! ripping my heart out

i kinda interpret the ed sheeran lyrics as lena having these walls that are so tall and strong but even after years of distance, kara’s the only one she can find herself opening herself up to. especially with her physical symptoms, she tells everyone she’s fine and that nothings wrong but with kara she she can admit that she isn’t okay (whoops that’s a minor spoiler lolz)

anyways that was so much and idk if it made any sense but like i could write a whole essay on these silly little songs so ty for listening

[mentalthisone]

📍- the fandom is dead poets society and here’s my description (i stole it from the one i gave @poetrusicperry lmao) : hi!! i was wondering if you could do a matchup/ship for me? some things about me is that i have short, curly brown hair and blue-green eyes, i’m not sure if appearance has anything to do with it but i thought i’d add it in! i’m pretty sarcastic around my closest friends and generally good at making new ones, even though i get a bit anxious at big gatherings like dances and parties. i stick to a close group of friends, like 99% of the time. i’m also an avid theatre kid lmao—i’ve been singing and acting for over a decade. i write a lot. like, i have twenty seven half-finished book drafts and a million poems in my notes app. i make super super extensive playlists in which every single song has a specific reason for being on the playlist. i also work at a coffee shop and have an addiction to caffeine! i’m a maladaptive daydreamer, so i’ll literally spend hours daydreaming about being in my favorite movie/book/tv worlds and romanticizing relationships with my favorite characters (i’m bi, so there’s a big playing field in this lol). i have legit zero volume control at times and i’m an empath (like, too much empathy at times that it makes me physically incapable of doing anything). i read a lot and i like to annotate/highlight my books. i write on my hands a lot (i have a million markers and pens it’s insane) but i’m t e r r i b l e at drawing. i do lots of peace signs and finger guns when i don’t know what to say or just at random times so i don’t have to continue conversations lol. i don’t know if this affects anything, but my favorite dead poet is definitely todd—i relate to his anxiety but i love seeing his character grow and make friends and become more confident throughout the course of the movie! he’s so sweet i love him so much. AH that was a lot of information that you probably didn’t need, but i really appreciate you confusing these ships!! i honestly love them so much, they make me smile like crazy. thanks love and CONGRATS ON 500!!! <3333

THANK YOU BESTIE!!

sorry for taking so long...

Anyways your platonic soulmate is ...

CHARLIE DALTON

As I started reading your description the only thing I could imagine was sarcasm bastards duo

You actually were in class drawing in your hand (the pattern he draw in his face in the gif)

And he just saw it and loved it

You asked him if he wanted you to do it too in his hand

He ofcourse said yes

Since then that's your code

You both are lovers of music always making playlists for the most chaotic reasons

'oh Keating is late 5 min? That's a great Spotify playlist name!'

'Todd spoke in class? WE NEED A NEW PLAYLIST!'

He may not admit but he loves crime novels (i don't know if you read them but let's pretend you do bestie)

So you both exchange your annotated books so each other can read

You both simp over all the bad guys and just laugh about how it would be to date them

He started working with you in the coffe shop and now that's the new place to the poets past the time

Everyone thinks you're dating

And let's be real, you just take advantage of that to get free deserts in the restaurants

And that's it hope you liked it and are having a good day!!!

[poetrusicperry]

hi!! i was wondering if you could do a matchup/ship for me? some things about me is that i have short, curly brown hair and blue-green eyes, i’m not sure if appearance has anything to do with it but i thought i’d add it in! i’m pretty sarcastic around my closest friends and generally good at making new ones, even though i get a bit anxious at big gatherings like dances and parties. i stick to a close group of friends, like 99% of the time. i’m also an avid theatre kid lmao—i’ve been singing and acting for over a decade. i write a lot. like, i have twenty seven half-finished book drafts and a million poems in my notes app. i make super super extensive playlists in which every single song has a specific reason for being on the playlist. i also work at a coffee shop and have an addiction to caffeine! i’m a maladaptive daydreamer, so i’ll literally spend hours daydreaming about being in my favorite movie/book/tv worlds and romanticizing relationships with my favorite characters (i’m bi, so there’s a big playing field in this lol). i have legit zero volume control at times and i’m an empath (like, too much empathy at times that it makes me physically incapable of doing anything). i read a lot and i like to annotate/highlight my books. i write on my hands a lot (i have a million markers and pens it’s insane) but i’m t e r r i b l e at drawing. i do lots of peace signs and finger guns when i don’t know what to say or just at random times so i don’t have to continue conversations lol. i don’t know if this affects anything, but my favorite dead poet is definitely todd—i relate to his anxiety but i love seeing his character grow and make friends and become more confident throughout the course of the movie! he’s so sweet i love him so much. AH that was a lot of information that you probably didn’t need, but i really appreciate you confusing these ships!! i honestly love them so much, they make me smile like crazy. thanks love <3333

thank you so, so much for sharing all these details about yourself !! i relate to a lot of what you said, so writing this was very fun for me. i really hope you like it and thank you for the inspiration <3(:

ship:

shipping you with charlie, but you’d most definitely be best friends with todd ((:

hcs:

charlie would absolutely thrive off of your sarcasm. you guys would definitely have a lot of tension, but like… the good kind ? like it’d just be very flirty between you two almost immediately lol

hanging out with todd at big functions (prom, ball, concerts, etc.); you guys would find a corner that would be mostly quiet and just try very hard to disappear into your own worlds while this big event was going on

staying up for HOURS just writing with todd and bouncing ideas off each other, charlie begging you guys to just quit for the night and for you to come to bed, but you guys would be completely stuck on writing your hearts out

charlie surprising you at work where you’d make him his favorite drink (plain, black coffee)

gifting charlie a cd/mixtape with a playlist you made just for him, with extensive descriptions about what each song means (he would absolutely love this– the amount of attention you paid to him would make him absolutely thrilled)

you and charlie would have absolutely CHAOS-FILLED nights with lots of yelling and screaming song lyrics at the top of your lungs, laughing, and just being agents of chaos/mischief

you’d be one of the only people that todd trusts to help him when he’s not feeling his best. your way of being there for him was one of his favorite things and he appreciated it endlessly (‘:

running lines with neil, where he’d love to pick up on your techniques bc you’ve been acting for so long and he really admires that

charlie would like to read books after you had finished with them bc he liked reading your little annotations and stuff

you’d take to drawing on charlie’s hands, and he would find it so cute. he’d return the favor as well

charlie’s family would probably like how happy you make charlie (: you’d bring out this whole new side of him. like a side that was still all goofy, but also empathetic and deeply caring

blurb:

you and charlie would have a really fun first date; he’d take you bowling (where you both would do pretty terribly, but the music and the jokes you two would crack made it completely worth it), and then to have dinner at one of those 60s diners. he’d give you quarters to pick music on the jukebox and insist on dancing in the middle of the floor with you, even though you were a bit nervous/embarrassed by it at first. when you got home from your date, you’d write about it, sharing it with todd, who thought you and charlie were very cute together (‘: he’d mention to charlie that you had written something about him and plead you to read it to him. when you finally caved (bc who could say no to charlie dalton??) and read it, he’d sit there completely enamored with you and the way you could wield words to your advantage. hearing the way you described him and how much you cared for him would make him fall that much harder for you. and he would look so forward to future nights where you two could be your rambunctious selves with one another.

[exciting]

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book. 

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir  (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time. 

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel. 

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that). 

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations. 

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected. 

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend. 

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus). 

[mysterystarz]

did you really think I was gonna say that and not give you akaashi headcanons? 🤨🤨

anyways some of these are general akaashi headcanons and some are romantic ones

☆ he's not the best at art, but he learned basic anatomy + sketching techniques just to create portraits of you

☆ he's really great at poetry and creative/descriptive writing though and writes about you and generally the way you make him feel

☆ once compared you to grass though 💀 but it turned out kinda nice because it was a metaphor for how even when people hurt you you always come back and you keep him (the dirt) from being washed away and stuff 🥺

☆ he has a good singing voice. I think he'd be a tenor, and his voice is good for jazz he can also play the piano really well (it's those long setter fingers 😩)

☆ he loves flowers and either has little potted ones around place or a small garden outside. you've caught him talking to the plants about you. all good things, of course. I think his favorites would be lillies (the white ones I think) but idk much about flowers

☆ he likes to get you jewelery (bruh how do you spell that???), especially engraved jewelery. sometimes it's got random dates on it and you have to ask him what happened that day, and he'll start telling you about something you thought was small but meant a lot to him that happened that day. usually it's a day when you two had a date and he felt it should be remembered.

☆ he really likes musicals. not as in he's a theatre kid (though he could be) but more like he loves the stories and how they're told through song and dance.

☆ he annotates his books. sometimes you'll borrow one from him to read and find he's underlined and written about things that made him think of you 😭

☆ he's very romantic but he doesn't necessarily try to be. he's also naturally very aesthetic.

☆ he can tap dance. I've literally been in tap dancer akaashi brainrot since I listened to "King of new york" from newsies 😭😭 and he's so HOT when he tap dances, he's really good at it but he hasn't practiced/done lessons in forever, so he's a little rusty. but he used to do competitions and stuff and was extremely good at the dance.

☆ I feel like although he doesn't really seem like one to do so, he uses reaction memes in texts somewhat often. not just the affectionate ones, but also the "😐" or aggressive ones (very hot of him to use reaction memes 😌)

☆ he collects mugs! he drinks coffee in the morning so he needed some mugs at first, but then he started getting one wherever he traveled to as a souvenir (and he doesn't travel too often, whether it's for vacation or business it's usually around every other year or something) and now he has a whole cupboard of mugs

☆ he also likes tea. and while i feel like he prefers his coffee somewhat bitter, he usually adds milk to his tea. I think he's also a big fan of boba tea, and his favorite (mine too) is milk tea (made with black tea) with brown sugar and boba

☆ his dream home is an industrial apartment (is that what it's called?) with a balcony or patio. he likes the city since he's from tokyo... I think. he'd love to live somewhere where the skies are clear and he can see the stars, but he's gotta live near the city for work 🥲 though some stars are visible, at least, from that patio

☆ he likes to wear rings. even though he's lowkey insecure about his fingers and rings would draw more attention to them, he likes to fidget with the accessories

☆ he's really good at braiding hair. he hasn't really practiced, he's just a natural. first time he braided your hair it looked really good and both of you were kinda shocked. he's pretty good at hair things in general, actually.

☆ loves holding hands. LOVES LOVES LOVES HOLDING HANDS.

☆ he really likes fuzzy blankets. whenever he's on the couch he's wrapped up in one.

☆ one of his favorite cuddle positions is with you sitting on his lap, curled up almost cat-like with your head on his chest and his arms wrapped around you. and a fuzzy blanket.

☆ he has really long, dark eyelashes and it's so pretty.

☆ he likes talking to you about his dreams and he likes hearing about yours.

☆ he's down to try anything with you. you want to try veganism? he'll join you. want to learn a language? so does he. want to get a tarot reading? what a coincidence, he was thinking the same thing!

☆ he has a little tattoo above his right ankle. it looks exactly like this ☆ and it remind him of you 🥺

have a great week ily nova 😊

OH MY GOODNESS JACK THIS MADE ME SMILE SO WIDE I HAVE RE READ THIS SO MANY TIMES THANK YOU THIS ACTUALLY MADE MY WEEK AJXJAJXNANDNWNDNSN 🥺🥺🥺🤩🤩😭🥰🥰😭😭😳🥺😩💕💕🤩🤩😩😩🥺😩😩😩🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😩💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 IT WAS ADORABLE

more of my reactions under the cut because yes

- thinking of keiji playing the piano always gets me so soft because i can think of his fingers pressing the keys and it just be so perfect (and i’ve thought of some other scenarios with pianos too it’s cute!!)

- the fact that i actually LOVE white lillies too theyre so pretty omg :00

- TAP DANCER KEIJI GOODNESS MY HEART TAP DANCING KEIJI INTRICATE FOOTWORK OH MY GOODNESS I — 😳

- WE CAN WRITE POETRY TOGETHER ILL KISS HIM TOO I LOVE THAT!!

- REACTIONMEMESREACTIONMEMESREACTIONMEMES HE IS SO SEXY ALREADY BUT HE JUST GOT SEXIER

- i’m also super sentimental so the engraved jewelry (wtf is that word) IS SO CUTE and i would love that <33 it’s so sweet to see the sentiments too!!

- HE ANNOTATES HIS BOOKS OFF OF ME MY HEART JUST WENT WHOOOOSH 💕💕😩😩🥺🥺

- NO WAY I COLLECT MUGS TOO IS THIS SOULMATE STUFF BECAUSE I LOVE COLLECTING MUGS

- I ALSO LIKE MY COFFEE BITTER BUT MY TEA SWEET-ISH OH MY GOODNESS?!?! THIS IS PERFECT!!!

- JACK HOW DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A THING FOR FUZZY BLANKETS HOW HOW BECAUSE CUDDLING WITH FUZZY BLANKETS OR JUST SITTING WITH ONE IS SOMETHING I DO OH MY GOODNESS 💕💕💕✨✨✨😩💕

- pretty voice 😳😳😳 yes he would and yes

- i think an industrial apartment with keiji would be so cute <33

- I WILL HOLD HANDS WITH HIM ANYTIME ANYTIME ANYTIME

- i would kiss his fingers when he’s wearing rings and when he’s not because i love him 🥰🥰🥰

- t-talks about our dreams and tries things with me?!? I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I CANNOT FUNCTION THATS MY MAN

- the fact that you literally think he would draw me 🥺🥺🥺🥺 MY HEART

- i would totally watch musicals with him <33 i like them too for the exact same reason actually (jack i’m not even kidding how scary it is that you got our personalities down perfectly it’s astounding)

- STAR TATTOO KEIJI OH MY GOODNESS I AM 😳😳😳 WOW OMG THAT IS SURPRISINGLY HOT OH MY — suddenly i want to match

in conclusion :: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS JACK IM STILL SMILING SO WIDE THANK YOU 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

[marlborodean]

annotation for my "destiel but it's just one direction playlist," mainly for my sister who hasn't seen supernatural but you guys can read it too if you want :^)

DIANA // 4x01, "Lazarus Rising"

this episode introduces Cas :) Castiel speaks Enochian but when he was trying to speak to Dean he was instead causing radio static and shattering windows :) he gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition :) he knew all of Dean’s soul just from touching him :) he left his handprint burned into Dean’s skin :)

Notable Lyrics:

how could someone not miss you at all?

i never would mistreat you, no, i’m not a criminal. i speak a different language but I still hear your call

let me be the one to light a fire inside those eyes. you’ve been lonely, you don’t even know me, but I can feel you crying. let me be the one to lift your heart up and save your life. i don’t think you even realize, baby, you’d be saving mine

it’s only been four months but you’ve fallen down so far

i wanna reach out for you, i wanna break these walls

we all need something. if i could hold you, swear i’d never put you down

KISS YOU // 4x07, "It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester"

the only reason i have for this is the pure tension between Dean and Cas in this ep, which includes Dean staring at Cas's mouth and licking his lips :)

Notable Lyrics:

i just wanna take you anywhere that you like, we could go out any day, any night. i’ll take you there

tell me how to turn your love on. you can get anything that you want

if you want me to, let’s make a move

HEY ANGEL // 4x10, "Heaven and Hell"

in this ep, there is a female angel who is. i mean she’s just there to mirror what Cas will become. she is a fallen angel who rebelled because she fell in love with humanity :) and Cas talks to her, tells her that “for the time, i feel…” later in the show there’s another angel that says Cas’s “true weakness is involved. he’s in love! with humanity" :) also in this ep, the female angel and Dean have sex. clearly if Cas was a woman they would’ve been in a relationship long ago :)

Notable Lyrics:

hey angel, do you look at us and laugh when we hold onto the past? hey angel, tell me, do you ever try to come to the other side?

i wish i could be more like you. do you wish you could be more like me?

i see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed, backseat of my car, in the back of my head

BETTER THAN WORDS // 4x22, "Lucifer Rising"

in this ep, Dean is kept in a beautiful white room (which they call the green room #theatrekidvibes), and everyone understands the tension between Dean and Cas to be needlessly horny :) Cas defies heaven's orders to help Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

more than a feeling, crazy in love. every time we touch, i’m all shook up. best i ever had, hips don’t lie, you make me wanna—

how deep is your love? god only knows

i don’t know how else to sum it up, there’s no way i can explain your love

everyone tries to see what it feels like, but they’ll never be right

YOU & I // 4x22, "Lucifer Rising"

Castiel literally invented free will. the prophet Chuck couldn’t predict Castiel’s actions :) he said “you guys aren’t in this story!” and Cas replied “we’re making it up as we go” :)

Notable Lyrics:

we can make it ’til the end, nothing can come between you and i. not even the gods above can separate the two of us, nothing can come between you and i. we could make it if we try

EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU // 5x03, "Free to Be You and Me"

in this ep, Castiel thinks he is going to die the next day so Dean takes him out for a fun night :) and Dean says it’s the first time he’s laughed that hard in a long time :)

Notable Lyrics:

you know i’ve always got your back, so let me be the one you come running to. just call my name, i’ll be coming through. on the other side of the world, it don’t matter, i’ll be there in two

there’s something about your laugh that makes me want to have to. there’s nothing funny so we laugh at nothing.

every minute’s like the last so let’s just take it real slow. forget about the clock that’s ticking

you have always been the only one i wanted

i wanted you to know without you i can’t face it

WHY DON'T WE GO THERE // 5x03, "Free to Be You and Me"

same ep, but this is placed here because Dean said to Cas, “there are two things I know for certain. One: Bert and Ernie are gay. Two: you are not gonna die a virgin, not on my watch.” you connect those dots :)

Notable Lyrics:

think about all the places we could go if you five in tonight. just let me set you free

we’ve got all night, and we’re going nowhere. why don’t you stay? why don’t we go there? let’s take a ride out in the cold air, i know the way, why don’t you go there with me?

ONCE IN A LIFETIME // 5x04, "The End"

in this ep, an angel zaps Dean to five years into the future where he meets his future self and future Cas. there was HEAVY subtext that they were together :) at the end of the ep, after he sees his future self die and ultimately destroy the entire world, he is zapped back to present time (where it is safe) and Castiel is there waiting for him at the side of the road in the middle of the night :)

Notable Lyrics:

once in a lifetime, you were mine

when i close my eyes, all the stars align and you are by my side. once in a lifetime, it’s just right. we are always safe, not even the bad guys in the dark night could take it all away

DRAG ME DOWN // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

this fits anywhere between 4x01 and this ep, which is when. when Dean finds out that Cas had betrayed him and was working alongside the king of hell behind his back :) so as long as this is placed before That Scene, it's fine :)

Notable Lyrics:

i’ve got a fire for a heart, i’m not scared of the dark, you’ve never seen it look so easy. i’ve got a river for a soul, and baby, you’re a boat. baby you’re my only reason

if i didn’t have you, there would be nothing left. the shell of a man that could never be his best. if i didn’t have you, i’d never see the sun

you taught me how to be someone

all my life you stood by me, when no one else was ever behind me. with your love, nobody can drag me down

WOLVES // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

the war with angels is oncoming, so Cas is trying (trying) to do lots of damage control with that, which means killing angels and demons alike that are after the Winchesters. there's a great scene here :) idk it fits here somehow my brain is too big to be confined by the English language

Notable Lyrics:

in the middle of the night when the wolves come out, they head straight for your heart like a bullet in the dark. one by one, i take them down

i keep on holding tight now, ‘cause your body’s telling me don’t let go

just getting my demons out, wouldn’t ever doubt. your beauty could start a war as you walk in the dining room

i wish it wasn’t true, but the whole world’s trying to get a piece of you, and my heart keeps fighting in this battle of fools

INFINITY // 6x20, "The Man Who Would Be King"

since Cas is trying to prevent the war, much like Aziraphale, he is deemed a failed and fallen angel! :) but then Dean finds out Cas has been working with the king of hell behind his back! :) Cas says "It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?" and Dean replies "I was there. Where were you?" :)

Notable Lyrics:

down to earth, keep on falling when i know it hurts

now i’m one step closer to being two steps from you, when everybody wants you

i was there for you. all i ever wanted was the truth. how many nights have you wished someone would stay?

FOOL'S GOLD // 7x02, "Hello, Cruel World"

i see this as Cas POV as he decides to sacrifice himself and let the Leviathans destroy him, before he leaves Dean ahahaha! i see it in this point in time because Cas loves Dean but assumes Dean doesn't feel the same, but! as we see, Dean keeps Cas's coat (because he loves him)

Notable Lyrics:

i know in my heart, you’re not a constant star. i let you use me from the day that we first met, but I’m not done yet, falling for you. i knew that you turned it on for everyone you’ve met, but i don’t regret falling for you

i know your love’s not real, but that’s not the way it feels. that’s not the way you feel

HALF A HEART // 7x02-7x21

literally every time Cas dies, Dean becomes inconsolable and loses all will to live and succumbs to raging alcoholism :) in season 7, when Cas dies, Dean keeps his jacket. for months. :) also applies to 13x01-13x05

Notable Lyrics:

so your friends [have] been telling me, you’ve been sleeping with my sweater, and that you can’t stop missing me. bet my friends [have] been telling you, i’m not doing much better

i’m missing half of me, and being here without you is like i’m waking up to only half a blue sky. kind of there, but not quite. i’m walking 'round with just one shoe. i’m half a heart without you. i’m half a man at best, with half an arrow in my chest. i miss everything we do. i’m half a heart without you

forget all we said that night, it doesn’t even matter

though i try to get you out of my head, the truth is i got lost without you

GIRL ALMIGHTY // 8x17, "Goodbye Stranger"

very closely tied to the imagery of the episode rather than the story. the bright light as Cas overpowers his brainwashing, Dean kneeling in front of Cas. not to self-promo but watch my Religion AMV to see what i mean!! it's visceral stuff :)

Notable Lyrics:

her light is as loud as many ambulances as it takes to save a savior

am i the only believer? there’s something happening here. i hope you feel what i’m feeling too

i get down on my knees for you

STRONG // 8x17, "Goodbye Stranger"

Castiel has been brainwashed into betraying Dean again, to the point where he was forced to participate in hundreds of simulations where he has to kill Dean :) so when the time comes where he’s told to kill Dean, he suddenly can’t do it :) know why? because Dean tells him “Cas, it’s me. We need you. I need you.” :)

Notable Lyrics:

my hands, your hands, tied up like two ships. my heart, your heart, sit tight like bookends. pages between us written with no end. so many words we’re not saying. don’t wanna wait til it’s gone

i’m sorry if i say ‘i need you’

when i’m not with you, i’m weaker. is that so wrong? is it so wrong that you make me strong?

WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO // 9x03, "I'm No Angel"

Cas loses his grace so now he is human. for some reason i don’t remember, Dean tells him he can’t stay at his place anymore. now Cas is homeless! :) and so Dean regrets it and goes to look for him :) also side note but there is some fan headcanons or theories that Cas had to resort to sex work to make money :/

Notable Lyrics:

counted all my mistakes and there’s only one standing out from the list of the things i’ve done. all the rest of my crimes don’t come close to the look on your face when i let you go.

the taste of your lips on the tip of my tongue is at the top of the list of the things i want

love was something you’ve never heard enough

now i’m searching every lonely place, every corner calling out your name, trying to find you, but i just don’t know. where do broken hearts go?

are you sleeping by yourself? or are you giving it to someone else?

tell me where you go when you feel afraid. tell me, will you ever love me again?

I WANT TO WRITE YOU A SONG // 11x03, "The Bad Seed"

no thoughts only the scene of Dean wrapping a blanket around Cas :)

Notable Lyrics:

i want to write you a song, one that’s beautiful as you are sweet, with just a hint of pain for the feeling that i get when you are gone

i want to lend you my coat, one that’s as soft as your cheek, so when the world is cold, you’ll have a hiding place you can go

everything i need i get from you, giving back is all i wanna do

MOMENTS // 11x23, "Alpha and Omega"

this song is like...every time Dean or Cas is about to sacrifice himself/DIE and they get emotional about it. this is an Exemplary episode that fits well with this song because a) they had time to make this plan, which means they would have time to say goodbyes and be ~intimate~ abt it, and b) the hug towards the end when Cas casually says "I could go with you," offering to DIE alongside Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

shut the door, turn the light off. i wanna be with you, i wanna feel your love. i wanna lay beside you. i cannot hide this, even though i try.

trembling hands touch skin, it makes this harder. and the tears stream down my face

if we could only have this life for one more day. if we could only turn back time

i’ll be your life, your voice, your reason to be. my love/my heart is breathing for this moment in time. i’ll find the words to say before you leave me today.

don’t wanna be without you

there’s a pile of my clothes at the end of your bed as i feel myself fall, make a joke of it all

NO CONTROL // 12x23, "All Along the Watchtower"

this could honestly go anywhere, but i’m placing it in here in the chronology because it’s Cas charging blindly and headfirst into battle with literal Lucifer to protect Dean :) good moment contextually because before Cas ran away to help this woman give birth, he had a pretty cozy domestic life with Dean :) it's important to note that this does get him killed, which does lead to another grieving wife phase for Dean :)

Notable Lyrics:

beside you i’m a loaded gun. i can’t contain this anymore. i’m all yours, i’ve got no control. powerless, and i don’t care it’s obvious. i just can’t get enough of you. the pedal’s down, my eyes are closed

i don’t want to wash away the night before, and the heat where you laid, i could stay right here and burn in it all day

THROUGH THE DARK // 14x14, "Ouroboros"

this is not about the gay gorgon, folks, it's about the Ma'lak Box. Dean is crushed by the responsibility of having to lock himself in a LITERAL box to prevent Michael (the archangel inside his mind) from taking over

Notable Lyrics:

you tell me that you’re hurt and you’re in pain, and i can see your head is held in shame, but i just wanna see you smile again

i’ll be here for you. i will carry you over fire and water for your love. i will hold you closer, hope your heart is strong enough

i wish that i could take you to the stars. i’d never let you fall and break your heart

you tell me that you hurt, it’s all in vain, but i can see your heart can love again, and i remember you laughing so let’s just laugh again

CHANGE MY MIND // 15x03, "The Rupture"

Dean is being a pissy lil bitch because their child died and Castiel can’t deal with it so he leaves :) there’s a lot of stress in their relationship because they both have horrible communication issues. it boils down to Dean thinking like “i want people to just want to stay instead of leaving. i shouldn’t have to ask for that.” and Cas thinking like “i want people to tell me they want me around. i need that verbalized reassurance.” this is canon :)

Notable Lyrics:

the end of the night, we should say goodbye, but we carry on while everyone’s gone

never felt like this before, are we friends or are we more? as i’m walking towards the door, i’m not sure

if you say you want me to say, i’ll change my mind. ‘cause i don’t wanna know i’m walking away if you’ll be mine. i won’t go

IF I COULD FLY // 15x09, "The Trap"

Dean and Cas have to go to Purgatory to retrieve an Ingredient~ they get separated and the portal is about to close and Dean gets desperate so he gets on his knees and prays to Cas :) closure of 15x03 breakup scene, because Dean says “I should’ve stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong.” :) Dean cries more than one tear, one of his most vulnerable moments in the show (rivaled only by the scene where he tells his mom he hates her). this scene is viewed by many, including jackles, as Dean's love confession especially because he evidently wanted to say something more to Cas's face but Cas cut him off :)

Notable Lyrics:

if i could fly, i’d be coming right back home to you. i think i might give up everything, just ask me to

i hope that you listen, cause i let my guard down. right now i’m completely defenseless

for your eyes only, i’ll show you my heart. i’m missing half of me when we’re apart. now you know me

WALKING IN THE WIND // 15x18, "Despair" and 15x19, "Inherit the Earth"

“Despair” is the episode where Castiel confesses his love too Dean. Dean says “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” and Cas replies “Because it is.” :) reminiscent of the way their son Jack (who is a mirror to Cas) tells Sam and Dean “I'll be in every drop of falling rain, every speck of dust that the wind blows, and in the sand, in the rocks, and the sea.” :)

Notable Lyrics:

if you’re lost, just look for me. you’ll find me in the region of the summer stars

the fact that we can sit right here and say goodbye means we’ve already won

goodbyes are bittersweet, but it’s not the end. i’ll see your face again and you will find me

yesterday i went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend, but as we raised our glasses to make a toast I realized you were missing.

SOMETHING GREAT // 15x18, "Despair"-15x20, "Carry On"

Cas pov for 18 and Dean pov for 20 :) Cas saying "the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have." :) and then Dean missing and wanting Cas back after he died, saying to God, "Cas. You gotta bring him back," yet again falling back into bad alcoholism and depression and suicidal ideation :)

Notable Lyrics:

i want you here with me like how i pictured it, so i don’t have to keep imagining

the script was written…i want to rip it all to shreds and start again. one day i’ll come into your world and get it right

you’re all i want, so much it’s hurting

TRULY MADLY DEEPLY // Post-Canon mwah!

This is what it would have been like for Dean in the version of Supernatural that totally definitely does exist, in which Jack brought Cas back to life and Dean and Cas were reunited and Dean tells Cas he loves him too and then they live a domestic and safe life and Dean is still shocked every morning that he wakes up next to the love of his life :)

Notable Lyrics:

i can’t believe that you are here and lying next to me

like all those days and weeks and months i tried to steal a kiss, and all those sleepless nights and daydreams where i pictured this

somehow you kicked all my walls in, so say you’ll always keep me

should i put coffee and granola on a tray in bed, and wake you up with all the words that i still haven’t said? and tender touches just to show yo how i feel, or should i act so cool like it was no big deal?

[mendesxruel]

🎟 CONGRATS ON 500 PAOLA!! you deserve all the love on this world and i’m so so proud to call you my adoptive mother <3 soooo i think u know i’m gonna go with Dead Poets Society and i’m gonna reuse a description of myself i’ve already given to someone else because i’m too last to type it all out again :) some things about me is that i have short, curly brown hair and blue-green eyes, i’m not sure if appearance has anything to do with it but i thought i’d add it in! i’m pretty sarcastic around my closest friends and generally good at making new ones, even though i get a bit anxious at big gatherings like dances and parties. i stick to a close group of friends, like 99% of the time. i’m also an avid theatre kid lmao—i’ve been singing and acting for over a decade. i write a lot. like, i have twenty seven half-finished book drafts and a million poems in my notes app. i make super super extensive playlists in which every single song has a specific reason for being on the playlist. i also work at a coffee shop and have an addiction to caffeine! i’m a maladaptive daydreamer, so i’ll literally spend hours daydreaming about being in my favorite movie/book/tv worlds and romanticizing relationships with my favorite characters (i’m bi, so there’s a big playing field in this lol). i have legit zero volume control at times and i’m an empath (like, too much empathy at times that it makes me physically incapable of doing anything). i read a lot and i like to annotate/highlight my books. i write on my hands a lot (i have a million markers and pens it’s insane) but i’m t e r r i b l e at drawing. i do lots of peace signs and finger guns when i don’t know what to say or just at random times so i don’t have to continue conversations lol. i don’t know if this affects anything, but my favorite dead poet is definitely todd—i relate to his anxiety but i love seeing his character grow and make friends and become more confident throughout the course of the movie! he’s so sweet i love him so much. AH that was a lot of information that you probably didn’t need, but i really appreciate you confusing these ships!! i honestly love them so much, they make me smile like crazy. CONGRATS AGAIN ON 500 I LOVE YOU!!

THANK U SM MY CHILD ILY

u have 27 book drafts?!?@*!?×? bestie ur creative oml

i ship you with...

Steven Meeks!

[leupagus]

My Stationery Box, or: The Douche Chest, or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Being A Terrible Parody Of Myself

So I really love to write letters, and have since i was a kid — when i cleaned out my grandparents’ house I found a few I’d written in grade school, and my parents’ files are chocablock full of the weird collage type things I sent to them in college. 

I’ve also been a huge insufferable fucking snob about stationery since way too young (yes I did have a fountain pen phase, no it did not go well) and have been collecting fancy paper and cute cards and assorted weird writing paraphernalia forever. Up until recently, things were just kind of haphazardly stuffed in various drawers and shelves and I could never actually find any said fancy shit when I wanted it; but a couple of months ago I discovered an adorable little chest of my late mom’s that had previously housed, I think, her knitting and has mostly just been collecting dust since. And voila: The Douche Chest was born:

(Pictured with my elderly laptop and coffee with my coffee warmer, which I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE everyone to buy one day when we’re not under worldwide quarantine, seriously it will change your life.)

Keep Reading for some top tier stationerdery

First off, the stuff that helps me write! I still use my family address book, which was purchased sometime in the early 80s and has the name and address of everyone my parents ever cared enough about to want their name and address, which is actually not that many people. I keep it updated and have added a few people, but mostly rely on my phone’s address book. Mostly I like it because it’s got a lot of my mom’s handwriting.

My planner, which has a whole correspondence section where I keep a record of who I write to regularly, when I write to them, and what kind of stationery they usually get (because there are different types and you don’t want to give a correspondence an inconsistent letter-reading experience! Yes I know, I can’t believe I’m like this either) indicated by the m, s, x, l, b notations. That will be relevant later. Also yes the planner is where I scribble down both story ideas and my gratitude journal. This is what I’m saying in re: yikes.

At my own house, I have a whole huge box of letters I’ve gotten over the years, mostly organized by sender and date. Since I’m at my aunt’s house for quarantine, my correspondence is all being kept in my dad’s old... I dunno what to call it, basically it’s a trapper-keeper type thing that I literally never saw him go to work without. (A running theme of this tour is that a whole lot of this stuff is inherited from/given to me by my parents and grandparents.) Inside is also various labels that have come in handy when addressing packages etc, as well as our local neighborhood directory.

Next up is my pen bag, which is — I mean, it has my pens. I prefer writing with a black .5 tip rollerball type pen, and by “prefer” I mean “I cannot abide writing letters with anything else and will go to Staples and buy a new box rather than use a ballpoint pen except obv not right now, which makes the bag real important for keeping track of all my special pens.” Also pictured: my grandpa’s ancient letter opener that I’m pretty sure he stabbed multiple people with, and my blue Le Pen which I use to annotate my letters when I’m reading them through before sending. I KNOW.

This is my assorted letter-writing stuff storage box (no we’re not even at the cards yet this is TERRIBLE); please note that I sort of jerryrigged this box together myself, which will be another running theme of this tour. Glue, roller whiteout thingies, washi tape (which I don’t really use but people keep sending me?) post-its and my address stamp because no matter what I do, the fuckin’ Audubon Society refuses to send me a single donation request with cute stickers showing my address even though they’ve sent my deceased dad like three THIS YEAR. Anyway. Also please note the incredibly awesome initial stamp thing — I came up with the rough design in college and use it in place of my name a lot, but I went to leoniebunch and they transformed it into this super professional and lovely design that I want to use for the rest of my life. Not pictured: the fucking wax seal I also had made with that design, because yes, I’m like this.

WE’RE STILL NOT DONE WITH THE PARAPHERNALIA: here’s the other misc. stuff that I use on the regular. Cup with sponge because we’re not really licking envelopes these days: tons of weird stickers that I’ve collected, YET MORE PENS, including rainbow ones because one of these days I’m going to write to one of my friends with alternating rainbow colors and they’ll have to murder me. Also pictured: the letter opener which I forgot to put back in the pen bag, as well as my dog’s nail clippers and brush because that’s a handy place to keep them. Also also pictured: my dog, who does not help in any way with letter writing.

OKAY FINALLY ONTO THE STATIONERY, Jesus just writing this all out is making me both proud and ashamed.

I’m sure you noticed in the first pic how everything is meticulously, not to say monomaniacally, labeled. Some stuff might require a little bit of explanation; some stuff is pretty wysiwyg though. For example, BEAR CARDS, which:

(These are sent exclusively to my nephews, who go absolutely apeshit over them every time. Come to think of it, I have a LOT of cards/letter stock/etc that is just for one person or one set of people, which maybe I should talk to my therapist about.)

PUN CARDS are likewise exactly what you think they are; they’re the most recent addition to my hoard, having found them at Powells when I went to Portland in February. They are extremely My Kind Of Thing.

Then you’ve got things like BIRTHDAY CARDS, THANKS, POSTCARDS which like — guess what:

(Please note that of these birthday cards, all but two were actually inherited from my grandmother who passed away in 1986. See if you can guess which two are my purchases.) (Also I’m running out of thank-you cards but to be fair I am rarely grateful so this should last me another few years at least.) (Also shit, I didn’t take a picture of the postcards I don’t think? Whatever, they’re postcards that I’ve either inherited from my parents or collected over the years. There’s also a very odd collection of wolf-themed cards that SOMEONE in my family collected, and that I have been using exclusively for allighater because she’s the only one who could ever appreciate them enough.)

Then there’s the BLANK CARDS and BLANK AND WRITTEN CARDS WITH/WITHOUT ENVELOPES, because sometimes I just need to know what I’m getting into before opening the boxes. I’d say a good 50% of these were inherited from my folks, with the cutsier ones being my own purchases. The cards that these boxes originally contained are looooooooong since used up but they’re nice boxes and that meme about adulthood being an endless debate over whether or not you should keep a box because it’s a really good box is accurate as all hell. 

(There are a lot of cards in here that I bought when I was like, in college — those square ones, for example, were purchased at Faces in Northampton when I was in college and I’m probably never going to actually send them which is kind of ridiculous but see: this entire post.)

And finally, the actual letter-letter stationery! Which I also have an embarrassing amount of! First up is what’s labelled MADOC TREE CARD/LETTER because I honestly had no idea how else to describe it; it was inherited from my grandma who everyone called MaDoc (on account of her being both a ma and a doctor, go figure) and it’s really lovely. I doubt it’s the original intention, but I like to unfold the paper and use both sides of it, because I always have a lot to say. These are used only for family members on MaDoc’s side, and of those, only the ones I really like, which accounts for there still being a lot left.

Then there’s the X-LARGE paper, which isn’t actually that large — it’s just normal computer-sized — but in context is the biggest stuff I’ve got. All of this paper is from my mom, who loved using cute themed paper, and I use this stuff mostly for the friends of hers I keep in touch with (which is actually kind of a lot).

Then there’s the letterhead I use for — okay, so like, we know by now that I’m deeply weird, but this is probably just DEEPLY WEIRD, but whatever, you came this far. So I found a metric shitton of 6 3/4 envelopes in amongst my parents’ office supplies — I have literally zero idea why they had about 5 100-count boxes of these envelopes but I’m one of those people who can never, ever throw shit out, so! I gathered together all the letterhead that they’d also collected over the years from the various universities and hospitals they worked at, cut said letterhead down so that it a) didn’t have University of Tacoma or whatever still on it and b) perfectly fit a 6 3/4 envelope if folded three times. The resulting shape is a little... odd, I’ll admit, but it pleases me greatly and that’s the important thing. In fact this has been my go-to correspondence choice for a couple of months now.

(Also pictured: the cover for this hinky-ass box I made out of a Beekman 1802 box from when we went to their store for their Rose Apothecary popup shop. Zero regrets. Not pictured: the really cute pad of paper I also use for these envelopes that’s a more normal size and shape because where’s the fun in showing you normal stuff?)

And finally, my pride and joy, my Crane Stationery, some of which I have had since I was in high school and my mom bought me a box of it for my birthday (I told you, running theme). It comes in small, medium, and big; yes, I absolutely have rules as to who gets what size of these, too. The medium box kind of fell apart a few years ago so I cobbled a new one together; Crane stationery is notable for not being as exciting as that cover might imply. I’m also kind of pleased that I still have the airmail stationery that I got in college that apparently isn’t sold anymore, which I find baffling because what the fuck is the point of international correspondence if you don’t have to use special stationery? Anyway:

(In re: the lined sheets — I actually have them for every size, because I loathe lined paper but also loathe writing crooked, hence these guides that I put under each sheet as I write. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

So that’s the complete guided tour! If you aspire to have a collection as viscerally unnerving as mine, feel free to send any questions my way. You’re welcome/I’m sorry.