#anadopteeexperience

[aerialklove]

Non-Adoptees: An Adoptee Perspective

I grew up with one other adoptee in my house which is my twin brother. However we had very different views on our adoption. I now have five adoptee friends ( and all of you :) . When I was younger, I didn’t have any so talking about adoption was out of the question. It was very taboo in my house as well.

When I speak to non-adoptees who are interested in hearing my story I get these two reactions:

 1. “ That is so interesting. Your parents are so special for taking in you and your brother. I hope you are grateful for them and for being raised in a good, loving family.

2. “ Have you found your birth family? Why would you want to look for them? They are the reason you were adopted.....etc.”

3. Extra one from my non-adopted younger siblings: “ You have us and that should be good enough. ( basically)

So you can imagine how much I want and don’t want to talk about my story.

Non-Adoptees make up the outside part (respectively) of the Adoption Triad. Think of the adoption triad triangle <| in a circle. A big circle. That is non-adoptees. My social workers may have been non-adoptees, my birth mother was not adopted neither was my mom. The judge on my case probably was not either. So non-adoptees do influence adoption in a big way.

Trying to tell or convince  a non-adoptee that my story is a part of who I am has been the hardest part of my journey. Telling someone that adoption, as beautiful as it can be, is traumatic, is grief stricken, is loss, is identity crisis, is anger, is sadness, is troubled feelings, is a whirlwind, is something that I probably will not do myself if I can’t have kids... makes me exhausted.

People should just get it or actually listen. That would work out for me.  Hearing my mom talk about my younger siblings birth stories hurt my heart because I feel left out. Then when I tried to tell a story that I heard about my birth ( how I was Baby B but was born first through C-section) they really didn't listen.

I give non-adoptees the benefit of the doubt though. They don’t know because they haven't experienced these things. I just hope that there will be space created to tell our stories.