#analytical reflection

[shisasan]

August 31, 1923 Journals of Anais Nin 1923-1927 [volume 3]

[vincentvangoghs]

Tonight's episode really highlighted how Buck and Eddie actually have a very conditional and somewhat one-sided friendship, something that deeply contrasts the romantic relationship between Buck and Tommy. Because despite the latter couples woes, they have shown time and time again the unconditional and pure love they are capable of sharing together, which will only be amplified once they work through their current shortcomings as a couple.

Buck and Eddie;

While Evan Buckley has so often offered Eddie — and many others, to be clear — his unconditional love and support, he has also embarked on an endless journey of self-reflection. He may not be perfect and he has no doubt made some pretty significant mistakes throughout the show, but what he is is someone who is capable of looking inward, learning, and doing his best to improve, even if the process is sometimes messy or slow and too little too late. No, Buck isn't perfect, but by god, he's continuously evolving and maturing.

(I'm sorry, but Evan Buckley is very much not the one who has been stuck on the hamster wheel like so many in fandom love to claim. That lovely "honor" would actually go to Eddie Diaz.)

Buck also has a lot of love in his heart, to the point where it sometimes overwhelms and leads him astray. But even so, his intentions are almost always pure and connected to the important people in his life. In summation, his heart and the love cast from it is extremely unconditional and wrapped within a casing of overwhelming loyalty and selflessness, some missteps aside.

Eddie Diaz, on the other hand, is quite the opposite. He'll love Buck — and other people, to be clear — but with a condition, one that is so often unspoken, but always lurking beneath the surface. With Eddie and conflict — be it his own or belonging to others simply seeking his guidance and support — there always seems to be this line drawn in the sand, a line representing what Eddie is and is not willing to put up with. And once you cross that line, he'll have very little patience or consideration for you and your feelings. It will show through not just overt or passive aggression, but also unapologetic projection.

The way he came at Buck in tonight's episode is a glaring representation of this:

It's easier for Eddie Diaz to look at everything as black and white, especially when it's convenient for his narrative, than it is to partake in self-reflection pertaining to his personal grief and struggles. It's easier to put the blame on his best friend, rather than acknowledge how he is not processing his own grief very well at all. It is easier to accuse his best friend, who is clearly hurting and crying out for help, that he's being selfish, than to make any attempt at taking on the pain of others while also grappling with his own. It is easier for him to fly his son back to LA to distract his best friend, than it is to take any semblance of accountability for his recent actions and actually fucking apologize. (Hoping this ages poorly because he apologizes in the finale.) It is so much easier to accuse his best friend of making everything about himself, than to acknowledge that, in this moment, he's actually the one doing so. It is easier for Eddie to grab Buck, corner him, and generally physically intimidate him, than it is to actually hear Buck out and understand his reasoning and perspective. Because... God forbid, he has his often black and white ideologies — and the emotions rooted in them — challenged. It's easier for Eddie Diaz to keep repeating the same mistakes in his life, than it is to actually work on his issues and truly evolve, even if those mistakes trickle down to the people around him, including his own son.

In summation, if Buck and Eddie were actually canonically together, I would be praying that the writers were setting up a season finale breakup, so that Buck can move on with his life and find someone who won't minimize his feelings to highlight their own, all while using physical aggression to intimidate and shut him down, or use their son to manipulate him into forgetting about what happened. Because whether the writers intend to follow up on this or not, or do or do not recognize the severity of Eddie's actions, I know what bullshit I witnessed unfold on my screen tonight.

Buck and Tommy;

I'll just be blunt here because this post is already in danger of getting too long...

Tommy Kinard would never pull the type of shit Eddie Diaz just did. Tommy may have some issues of his own that he needs to address — including his own tendency to project onto others, in addition to running away versus talking shit out. But had he been the one with Buck tonight, he would have never minimized the pain Buck was experiencing just to elevate his own, nor would he have grabbed and cornered Buck to maximize the severity of his pain and anger.

At "worst", Tommy would have gently reminded Buck to remember that people are grieving in their own way, similar to how Maddie handled Chimney, or Karen handled Athena, in the very same episode. And he would have done so, all while still considering and prioritizing Buck's feelings. And at best, Tommy would have asked Buck how he could best be there for him, because that's the type of person Tommy is. And to give Buck his own credit, he would have apologized if Tommy expressed needing more support and consideration, and then followed through after said apology. And Tommy would have been completely receptive of this and worked with Buck to ensure that both of them received the emotional support and consideration they both need. Because, ultimately, they are both mature and emotionally loving and supportive individuals — again, some missteps aside. While Eddie Diaz, sorry — but not sorry — has shown he just isn't. Not yet, at least. Buck and Tommy have shown they're capable of being a true partnership in all the ways that matter, while Eddie has made his friendship with Buck incredibly one-sided.

(Man, Buck. I am honestly proud of the man you've evolved into. You've come a long way, despite some in this fandom pretending you haven't and gleefully waiting for you to crash and burn more than your loved ones and other colleagues whenever a challenging situation occurs.)

While Eddie is quick to make Buck feel like he and his problems are "too much" to take on, Tommy would be mortified if he ever did the same, much less more than once.

I'm so glad Buck will have Tommy back in his corner soon, whether it be in the finale or sometime during 9A, because Tommy is the person Buck so clearly needs in his life right now. Buck needs someone who is going to reciprocate everything he is so eager to offer, and Tommy so clearly needs and is willing to do the same.

[unheavenlycreatures]

so apparently i am the kind of employee where if i go fully MIA for like two weeks due to a medical emergency (meaning that someone needs to step in and cover me for that time) i come back to a promotion and like 12 major things taken off my plate and redelegated

[advaitaisnondual]

C.G. Jung

[strohller27]

.

[divinekangaroo]

Was thinking a bit deeper on @deadendtracks query https://www.tumblr.com/divinekangaroo/740003125539307520/i-clipped-this-from-your-post-because-its-easier?source=share

Snipped for sex talk, and also to spare any disinterested parties my naiveity on complex matters such as: subaltern/Orientalism/exoticism/Othering/ethnic talk etc

In hindsight I think I answered that query as a ‘possible authorial intent’ - speculatively, to subvert the usual gangster trope by displaying macho-ish behaviours (sex! whores!) but flipping motivation and outcome.

But there's also something else that's been churning away at the back of my head, the term subaltern. "the most powerless people living within the socio-economic confines of imperialism" -- and this imperialist overlay that often assigns the devious, deviant, dark, scheming/conniving/machavellian/feminine characteristics to the subaltern man, too, because it is exotic.

I haven't properly structured an argument around this; I feel a lot of T's approach to sex has that almost woman-coded thing to it, as signifiers of an even-further-disadvantaged man. It nags at me and feels that this also ties into this subaltern, semi-'Orientalist' / exotic layer he has as 'lower than the lowest class' / 'actually so low class he's outside of class' Romani character -> less of a stereotype, more of a conscious consideration of "if you have nothing, you will use everything you can, and sometimes that includes your own body, and guess what here's the bind: that kinda puts you even *lower* in the hierarchy, because women are lower than men and only women use their bodies that way!"

Gut instinct, barely unpacked: there's an imperialist/cultural/ethnic trauma that feels like it can't be detached from Tommy's sexuality/approach to sex any more than the hints of childhood trauma or abuse can be, either. Especially when you consider childhood as his closest time still connected to the living Romani culture, as opposed to by the time we see him on screen when his interactions with his culture are static and based on childhood/broken memories. I was initially put off by the Romani layer because it felt like a stereotype - gangs followed ethnic lines so let's just apply an ethnicity that's ~exotic~ - but the later series re-frame the earlier approach into something that shows it was almost never intended to be a representation of the culture but rather, more like Tommy's particular (distorted, damaged) view.

----

But then also answering the personal side of the question RE: Tommy's character. What does it mean for a person/individual to be so transactional and detached from sex yet participatory towards it?

This gets a little more headcanon-y:

T started having sex or being sexualised (seeing/experiencing sex) really young in a less than affectionate way - more like, here is a thing that must be done for some other action to happen (or be diverted).

Because of this, I can’t ever see him permitting himself to perform that ‘hungry to totally surrender his control and desires to someone else’ role so frequently given to him in fanon. What happened with Tatiana was an exception, not a rule. It’s nice to read for various reasons, but I'm unlikely to personally lean into this take. Not to say he's dominating or must be fully in control during sex, either, just that I think he'd avoid leaning into surrender because it'd be like losing total control of a transaction and becoming far too vulnerable.

Despite that I do feel he has an urge for connection/intimacy, I think he struggles with actually connecting deeply with people, reading sexual cues/flirtation or the like. In some ways, he connects too deeply and therefore holds back? I did have thoughts along the asexual line. He likes certain people, and he mostly enjoys the physical act of sex, and these two things can overlap to ‘I would like sex with this certain person’, but there’s a big gap between the two. Deep connection is unrelated to sex. Can't read flirt cues to the point he leapfrogs straight to the 'do you want to fuck?' almost as an abstraction because he can never decode the in-between steps?

Notwithstanding any deep connection, sex is still considered/framed as duty and obligation. His approach with Lizzie in S6 as case in point; he is conscious of his role and considers it a thing that must be performed to satisfy that role. Even S5, it feels like a 'seal the deal' sex exchange; he knows she likes it, she just told him so and that it's important to her, so all right, he's going to let loose.

This difficulty with 'is this connection? not sure?' is one reason why I think he is mostly about family (he can take connection for granted and has had a really really long time to build it). He also has a surprisingly large *respectful* but superficial network (he knows the right behaviours but rarely gets personal), very few close friends (honestly is this just Alfie? Maybe, once, Freddie and Barney? even Johnny Dogs and Uncle Charlie are subordinate). Which lends itself very effectively to leadership, to be honest, but also loneliness: again it feels like he's performing connection.

I really struggle with picturing him feeling much physical attraction without consciously focusing on it. He seems to spark for people (or maybe situations/dynamics - classy women?) not their physical, and when I’m in headcanon mode, it’s familiarity that builds his fondness for certain aspects of a person's physicality, rather than their physicality attracting him initially. So either he wants sex (release) and it's not really relevant who with, or he wants the person and sex is acceptable/better with that person. And there's a conscious switch in his head like, "ok now paying attention to physical attraction because must have sex" or "switch it off not important right now"

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

I pay attention to everything.

[rpfofficial]

you should all watch alexander avila's video "tik tok made me autistic: the politics of self diagnosis" its soooooooo good

[chameleonv]

I initially understood critical thinking as a methodical framework involving deep analysis and logical reasoning to reach sound interpretations and judgments. I believe it is an essential skill, not just for solving problems but also for navigating everyday life. For instance, in conversations, listening attentively and analysing what others are saying can deepen communication and positively impact relationships.

However, after class, my understanding broadened. I realised that critical thinking is much more dynamic. A key takeaway for me was recognising that it’s not just a solitary practice; it's also about engaging with others’ ideas. Listening to how others explain their thought process can reveal valuable insights that I might not have considered on my own. After all, no one has a monopoly on good ideas. The collaborative aspect of critical thinking stimulates new ways of thinking and makes the process richer. It also helps prevent distorted or biased views of a situation, which was an important realisation for me.

We also learned about mindfulness, which I once thought unnecessary. However, after incorporating daily reading into my routine - which I realised is a form of mindfulness - I noticed significant improvements in my ability to focus and analyse. I began to pick up on nuances I used to overlook, and my thinking became more organised. Mindfulness encourages you to be present in the moment, aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgement. This heightened awareness is crucial and serves as the foundation for effective critical thinking.

A notable experience in class was the group discussion where we were tasked with critically analysing and developing solutions to improve the classroom. Since we were still finding our way with each other, it was intimidating to voice our opinions - at least for me. I felt a mix of nervousness and excitement sharing my thoughts and ideas, but I was grateful that everyone was open to each other’s perspectives. It was intriguing to listen to my classmates’ viewpoints as it offers insight into the various ways they think. This made the discussion both fun and engaging, as we not only contributed our ideas but also learned from each other.

(353 words)

References:

Kallet, Michael. Think Smarter: Critical Thinking to Improve Problem-Solving and Decision-Making Skills. John Wiley & Sons, 2014, p. 9.

[salmoncakepls]

🪹

[posallys]

finally finished watching black sails and i dragged it on so painfully long bc i did not want it to end but now that im finished im so UNWELL i feel like i need to join a support group

That's literally so real of you

[justaweirdo06]

Happy one year anniversary!!!

Hi there!

For those out of the loop, the name's Dory, and it has been officially a year since I was on Tumblr!

choosing to ignore that this anniversary post is a few days late since I honestly forgot and because I'm wrapped up in school.

But yeah, to keep track of my progress, I have made a Tumblr wrap. Enjoy!

Top post

Currently sitting at 73 notes

Isn't that reason enough?

I made it at 2 a.m., and somehow it blew up, and someone even made a comic.

Coming in at 62 notes

Looking at you @epicflowpow

Take no offense to this. I quite enjoyed the comic and wouldn't stop talking about it to my friends.

Ya know I don't deserve you

And lastly at 37 notes

Another thing I made during the night somehow blew up and still gets notes to this day.

The evillious chronicles

I physically cringe at how I used to make Ocs.

I had an animatic in the works that I dropped. I may pick it up sometime, but don't count me on that.

Top blog moments

Number one

Definitely getting fanart not just once

But twice

By the same person no less!

Number two

Getting a like by one of my favorite artists

I didn't even realize they saw this until I was looking for my top post, but yeah, thanks @hheisa!

Number three

Finding this cool blog after posting my muffet design

@undiscoveredundertaleart is such a cool blog for looking at underrated fanart!

Top fandoms

I'm not exactly happy with these results over the course of last year. Don't get me wrong, I still do love Undertale! However, I'll be moving the focus more to different fandoms and hopefully my OCs this year.

(I am most definitely gonna become a Undertale blog since I have no self control)

It has been such a great year and I hope that you'll continue to join me

See ya!

[zomb13s]

Comprehensive Project Data Summary: 074KU.AI

[advaitaisnondual]

Carl Jung

[gwmac]

Does 'Common Sense' Actually Exist?

The Conversation That Started It All A few nights ago, I found myself on the phone with a good friend discussing something entirely unrelated when he casually dropped the phrase, “Well, it’s just common sense.” That simple remark derailed our entire conversation for the next 30 minutes. I asked him to define what he meant by “common sense.” He couldn’t. Not really. He gave some vague examples,…

[tommyexplores]

I admittingly do this for myself

As I was rotting in bed watching House M.D., I realized it had been over three months since I was last active in my blog. I don’t mean to get passive aggressive, but I’ve been feeling very unmotivated since I stumbled upon a blog with just under 10 posts, published months apart and with questionable content quality, with maybe hundreds of times my visitors and likes. It’s impossible not to…