#and I can't deprive them of that (plus it's fun for me too)

[lycaran]

One of the (many) panel redraws I've done in the last few weeks! (And one of like. 4 that include OG Greed)

Thank you for the reminder, @swaggeringsinusoid .

[sweetieviktor]

viktor x lab partner! reader (headcanons + tiny scenarios)

summary: working with viktor and jayce is all fun until you start wishing your lab partner was well.. your partner.

content warning: minor spoilers about season 1, arc 2 and fluff!!

author notes: im sorry for the waiting!! life has been chaotic and im pretty busy doing things but i've managed to finally write down this adorable request yeey! hope you like it :D

» working with the hextech genius and piltover’s golden boy surely wasn't an easy job. high expectations, sleepless nights, doing experiments and calculations all day...

» at first, it was difficult to blend in as part of the group. jayce and viktor had been good friends for a long time now, and being added as a scientist alongside them in their own lab seemed like something experimental, almost incorrect.

» but things soon started to fall into place. and just like two plus one is equal to three, in the late hours was the time you all could be more free, more like your true selves. maybe it was the sleep deprivation, but it finally felt like there was a little place for you after all.

» whenever you needed to breathe a bit of fresh air and they were too focused on some research, you would go out and get them lunch on your way back. when you return to the lab, jayce would welcome you with a side hug and such a big smile that it could possibly blind you, while viktor would thank you with a little nod and a ghost of a smile on his lips.

» on these lunch breaks, it was common for you to talk about anything and everything that came to your minds at the moment. the hextec, politics and the council, how chaotic or abnormally normal life has been, literally whatever.

“i swear, i can't stand councilor hoskel anymore! why does he never listen to me but when mel says the same thing, then he is all ears?” jayce said while running fingers through his hair, smothering the mess to it place again.

“maybe because you can't verbalize things as good as her?” viktor suggested, tilting his head to the side, taking a bite of the cookies you've got for them earlier. “eeh, i mean, she works at the council for quite a time, right? you're still new to it.”

it was true, of course, but there was one thing they didn't consider yet. “or maybe you just ain't a woman!”

“surely a smart remark, i must say.”

“NO!”

» of course there were times where you could be more relaxed, but almost everyday was the same: calculation, experiment, malfunction and all again. it was frustrating, but worth it. after all the failed prototypes and explosions (so many explosions), now it is finally working.

» also, going on all nighters is a common occurrence (but jayce can't work through the night, because in the day time he needs to attend on the council and can't be late, so the boy needs to sleep early) and when this happens, you often go get you and viktor a mug full of coffee and then continue working on whatever you've been up to.

» oh, and the hexcore. magic and science at once. runes and mathematics all together, the almost impossible and so ethereal dream.

» to be able to study it this close was one of the best things that happened to you, to see, understand and manipulate hextech was incredible. the soft blue light it casted on the lab walls was beautiful, but to see it shine against viktor's skin was a delightful sight.

» his disheveled hair, dark circles, cheek bones. all of the shadows in the right places. the shining amber eyes, his nose and, oh, janna, his mole, the one just above his lip. it drives you insane. like it was luring you into locking your lips on his.

“why are you looking?” he asked, still focusing on the source of the light in front of him, molding its runes, the core moving along it. “studying?”

“yes, yes!” your tone more high pitched than you intended to. shit. “just studying the... hexcore.” you tried to remain your voice at a normal level again, inhaling and exhaling to calm down.

pulling his goggles up, he let his head fall back, laughing, “i'm just messing with you,” he looked at you from between half closed lashes, smirking, “good to know you like to study this.”

» the stealing glances, the absolutely profissional soft touches, the desire for something more, something you couldn't quite have. godness, if you could use hextech to solve your love equation, you would. maybe it would be easier to focus on work with a little magic.

» but it was so hard to focus while he kept looking at you like this, calling your name so sweetly, brushing his fingers on yours whenever you handed him something. you were head over heels for him but why does it seemed so hard to just tell him how you felt?

» again, this love equation was a confusing one, but you wished that the cup of sweet milk you left alongside a little sticky-note saying “you + me = date?” for him to find on his workplace was enough to be called a confession.

» now, you were almost ready to head home, but first you needed to look for jayce and update him about the research you've been working on lately.

» and after doing so, you headed towards the academy's lockers, unlocking yours, sending the same sticky-note you left on the lab flying to the pale ground. when you picked it up, you noticed some words written just below yours. “this is an easy one! the answer is yes. so... at the coffee shop near the academy, at 4pm? – v.”

[tumbling-through-deepspace]

The Effect of Sleep Deprivation

I'm a silly little bean sprout, and my brain is sillier.

Established relationship between the the trio... progressing relationship with Bree. (Sloooooow progression)

Image: link

The trio: Sylus, Lyssa, and Zayne sat at the family table having breakfast. It was a quiet morning, no one had work... it was officially declared a lazy day.

They simultaneously looked up as Bree sleepily entered the room, mumbling good morning before heading to the coffee pot.

Lyssa nearly choked on her eggs when her counterpart drained an entire mug of the liquid in one go. No sugar. Not even a splash of milk like Bree would normally make it.

She then approached each of them, still half asleep. Firstly, rubbing her cheek against Lyssa's hair. Lyssa giggled at her uncommon antics while Zayne and Sylus looked on amused.

After a few minutes, Bree reached over to Zayne and kissed him square on the mouth, leaving him shocked.

Before he could kiss her back, she moved away, going over to Sylus, who pushed back his chair.

Bree straddled him, burying her face in his neck causing him to chuckle

"Everything alright, little Raven? This is unusual behavior."

Bree whimpered, "insomnia kicked in... been up for two days and only managed to get an hour of sleep..."

This is proven more by her yawning "I'm so exhausted, Sy-Sy."

Lyssa burst out laughing. "Holy shit! That hilarious nickname."

Zayne sighed at Lyssa's antics. "Behave, sweetheart."

"Sy, can I cling to you for the whole day? You're warm and smell so good. Plus, I like feeling your hands on my skin."

He proceeded to put his hands under her sleep shirt at that declaration.

"This is gold. It's like she can't filter her thoughts."

"Any other requests you may have for me, kitten?"

Another yawn, sighing, followed by silence. The three waited for a response, but nothing.

"Did she fall asleep?"

"It would seem so. I never expected to see such a side to her."

"You got a kiss, don't complain."

"Not complaining."

Another whimper came from Bree, "Sy, make them stop, my head hurts."

Sylus looked at the two over her head, smirking.

"You heard the lady. Stop it."

He got up carefully, supporting her legs that instantly wrapped around his waist.

"I'm going to put her back to bed. Ready, kitten?"

Bree sleepy nodded against his neck "can you also fuck me back to sleep? I read somewhere that orgasming helps with headaches and muscle relaxation."

Lyssa fell out of her chair laughing hysterically, Sylus's bewildered expression not helping. They hadn't reached that part of their relationship, each wanting to take things slow with her.

Yet, here she is, being bold with no clue how it had his brain shortcircuiting. The minx.

"Well, she's not wrong, Sylus. Studies have proven that it is an effective method."

"You're having way too much fun with this."

"Immensely."

"You should stop."

"Where's the fun in that?"

Soft snores reached their ears. She fell asleep this time.

"I bet that when she's fully rested, she won't remember this interaction."

"I bet that she will! Let's wager..."

Sylus left the room, shaking his head. She'll remember, alright. He'll make sure of it.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's weird where I am right now, Okay?

Organized, in each category, by ones I'm enjoying most at the top. However, I've put quite a few on hold for travel reasons.

Oct 2023 Wk 4

Only a few screen shots for you this week, my hotel wifi is actually THAT bad.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Dear Gangster Oppa (Thurs iQIYI) 1 of 8 - Classic unlucky in love failed crush on straight bestie = both v queer and v emo yaoi. I gotta say I like these actors way better in this than their previous series, and maybe that’s because Tew is more like Tul and I just like Meen better when he’s… erm… mean. All of which is to say, this is off to a wonderful start and I am about to lose my very sleep deprived little mind... ready for a ABL ecstasy rant?

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I CAN'T EVEN.

"I play support because that way everyone is happy to see me show up," might be the single best moment of characterization BL has EVER seen.

Look here, in the grand cornucopia of BL universes this is my metaverse. It's pulp... but relatively high production. It has an established pair that I know I like... but who were given crap before. It's a tidy little script, it's not gonna run too long, and it's ALL the archetypes and tropes I love but rarely see. It's Japan's style otaku plus Korea's style gangster, Thailand's style friendship group, and it arrived out of NOWHERE. It's Korea's IP & money, Thailand's talent, and China's streaming service.

Do we know what the hell is going on?

No we do not.

Do we care when it's this much fun?

No we do not.

(In this I speak for everyone... no, EVERYONE.)

This show I why I got into BL.

Don't bother me with trifles. Me and My Dear Gangster Oppa are sailing off into the infinite pixilated sunset together, thank you very much.

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 11 of 12 - I managed to watch most of it on low rez before YT "discovered" I was in Asia and therefore could not be allowed to watch Asian shows. (AKA my VPN failed me.) But it seemed like a good ep.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) Lucky Love ep 10 of 24 - I enjoyed this 2 part installment, it’s a bit of a sad sack recovery SAGA, but the acting is genuine, the couple believable, and the story felt particularly queer to me. 7/10 but close to an 8. It was really quite charming.

However: Next week looks not good on many levels - it's horror and I spotted guitar. Which is even more horrific. 

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - do temporal paradoxes exist in Thailand? That is the question. I gotta say Tor (Ongsa) is carrying this show and is doing a really great job, it's just the story itself doesn't resonate with me. Ugh it's so sad.

Is it, indeed, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

We only on ep 5 and had a full story arc already, there is A LOT more to go.

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 9 of 10 eps - the fact that in losing Sky Venus also lost his surrogate family explains his resulting bitterness a little bit more. I wish we had gotten this back story much earlier. Still stupid pulp made me cry, which of course means it's back in my good books. This story is slow as fuck, but I'm going on a rollercoaster with it.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 11 of 13(?) - I love them, okay? All of them. This is a great sappy classic Taiwanese BL and it is my baby and you can’t take it away from me. MINE. 

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 8 of 10 - oh noes it got sad, I thought they would at least would have had drunken sex before the drama. Sigh. Still the kissing was good, as it should be from Taiwan.

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 4 of 5 - Amane is so brave. About being gay. Being out. Confessing. Its admirable if scary. Otherwise this ep was pretty slow. 

Bump Up Business (Korea Gaga) 3-4 of 8 - how do I feel about this show? Conflicted. Are OnlyOneOf doing a great job? Yes, actually. Am I enjoying it? No, not really. Is this anyone's fault? I don't think so.

The little linguistic negotiation was cute tho. And we seem to have gotten idols kissing in a BL both in the same group, so that glass ceiling dildo has finally been broken.

NineMill are unexpectedly good, also KB plays a great evil ex. Of the 3, I think only Nine is good enough to go into acting permanently (but he's not tall enough). Still, all hail OnlyOneOf... kings of the "gay concept." You boys make me v nervous but as couple-branding goes, you just out branded Thailand. Mad props baibies. Legit never thought I'd see the day.

Trust Korea to be in it to win it.

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 6 of ? - i pretty much just forgot to watch this.

It's Airing But...

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch and do a series review in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - completed but I couldn't catch the last ep, my final thoughts in Nov.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - completed, but see afore mentioned YT issues. I'll review it in Nov. I anticipate better internet soon.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - I find this series more fun to binge, so I'm waiting until it completes its run.

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached. 

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

One Room Angel (Japan Gaga) - adaptation of Harada’s manga of the same name (which I did not like) about a convenience store clerk who's stabbed, nearly dies, and returns home to find an angel waiting for him. With only 5 eps and a good chance this won’t end happy, I'm gonna wait and let you tell me how it goes.

Next Week Looks Like This

Upcoming October BL

10/31 SHADOW (Thai Gaga) 1 of 14 - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

Upcoming November BL

11/3 Twins the series (Thailand ????) 1 of 10

11/17 Pit Babe (Thai) - Pavel my love!

11/19 Bake Me Please (OhmFluke but not, Thailand)

11/22 7 Days Before Valentine (Thailand) - horroresk

11/25 The Sign (Thailand) - horroresk

11/30 For Him the series (Thailand) - high heat

VIP Only (Taiwan) - may be delayed/canceled

Cooking Crush (OffGun, Thailand) - may be delayed, there some kinda gossip/rumor/shade happening at GMMTV

Wuju Bakery AKA Space Bakery (Korea) - this one may be DOA

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

My Universe - I just enjoyed the angle of this kiss shot.

Uh huh. Sure, honey. (Bump Up Buisness)

COULD THIS EXPLAIN THE SNUFFLE KISS?!!!!

(Last week)

[sualne]

20 questions for fic writers

@syrupfog tagged me! yeayy <3

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

currently five, but i used to have another account with two more (i think? i deleted it all and it's been a minute)

2) what's your total ao3 word count?

65,930!

3) what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Worm in a Birdcage 2. The Villa in the Meadow 3. Learning Shame 4. The Opportunity of a Lifetime 5. Hunters & Family

4) what fandoms do you write for?

one piece but i used to write for bnha and [redacted].

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I want to so bad but i don't know what to say, i think i'll just go with a bunch of heart emojis for those ones and try my best for the ones i really want/need to make a proper sentence for.

6) what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

technically Worm in a Birdcage but it's a pilot for the vamp au so even if it's completed to me it doesn't really count as an ending, i still have yet to finish a fic ○|￣|_

7) what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again no endings

8) do you get hate on fics?

not currently (though i've been stressed) but when i was in middleschool i kept getting unwanted criticism for a certain someone for years. nothing was ever good and around 14 something broke. i wasn't able to write a single thing (including school work) until my twenties and even then i had to start by writing them sleep deprived and insane and post them as soon as i could before i could delete it all. now i can easily write hundreds of thousands words in a day and i've been having a lot of fun even when i'm struggling with it :] i still have the bad habit of rewriting and deleting it over and over until i go "good enough, whatever, fuck this thing" and post it but i'm working on it.

9) do you write smut?

alas it is necessary for the plot lmao. i think it's fun how there's a little bit of everyone in the world, ppl will write smut and go "arg! there's plot now! they can't do it just yet, noooo!" and then there's me kicking a rock a grumbling "for the plot, it's all for the plot and the characterization, why'd i put the foreshadowing in the butt fuck, hell."

10) do you write crossovers?

nope

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13) have you ever cowritten a fic before?

technically yeah! the fic was never published though, but it was fun working with someone on the same project!

14) what's your all time favorite ship?

i'll have to say lulawlu & kidkiller cause i'm too one piece obsessed to remember about everyone else but they are other ships that own my soul.

15) what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

honestly, all my wips; i want to finish them all, i'm so sad i haven't gotten to finish anything yet! the vamp au was always more vibes and atmosphere than very concrete and planned plot so it's been difficult to write, i think i should've gone multimedia with it (technically i have with the art and comics but i really wanted to make animatics too) i think it would've been best to translate feelings and mood how i wanted rather than hard plot media like writing.

16) what are your writing strengths?

i have no idea 👍

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

getting too worried if it's any good and driving myself mad rewriting it forever and ever

18) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i forgot i'm already writing the whole thing in another language so i was going to say "i've been asking ppl about italian & brazilian portuguese and side-eyeing the german i was supposed to learn for the six years i've allegedly studied it for the villa fic because i think it's fun to throw some in. i don't know what language specifically in canon those characters speak but i like throwing in reminders that other languages than english do exist. plus there's an opportunity for puns! it's also a good excuse to learn, i've been wanting to learn italian since it's in my family but i don't have anywhere to use it and any tangible reason to do so except "cause i want to" so it motivates me! there probably won't actually be much of other languages in the fic but even then i'm glad i learned about them!"

19) first fandom you wrote for?

one piece! when i was 11/12, i've come back full circle writing about law again lol

20) favourite fic you've ever written?

the Villa in the Meadow so far has been the most fun to work with! even though the process to get the first chapters out and ready was like a years and a half long difficult digestion.

tagging: whoever wants to? i'll tag @thyandrawrites cause i loved reading your work and i've been meaning to go back to it <3 no pressure tho.

[justlarkin]

Mentioning some events that I liked in the midst of beefing with LWs' writers. It's mostly due to very specific things that occur in the events rather than the events themselves to be completely honest with you.

-Casual and fun beach event. Can't go wrong there. Good moments envolving most of the characters. Nomad, Azazel, Kengo, and Oniwaka in particular for me. They deprived me of Azazel content, so this is my only morsel to latch onto. Plus we got SQ Galore, including ones for Mononobe and Lil Salomon.

-The softcore discussion of gender dysphoria was a pleasant surprise and I liked the parallels drawn between MC and Astarte as "trophies". In particular, I liked how this event revealed how much the other guys actually love MC. They were completely indifferent towards Astarte while she was the beloved, which was super weird to her, and when MC switched places with her, they immediately clocked that something was off, but not because they could visually tell MC was obviously not Astarte. They just thought Astarte was more radiant than usual. They were all over MC and giving away their shells because they're MC, not because they were the beloved.

-That scene where Heracles falls into Narcissus' Pond and he comes to the realization that his narcissism and cowardness was what led to Hylas' fate. He thought that a hero of his caliber was too precious to even risk being lost to the naiads, especially not for a guy who was practically beneath him. Heracles put himself before the life of his friend who was willing follow him to hell and back, abandoning him, and he regrets it. The parallels to Hylas' abduction with Heracles' fall as well as dialouge and narration as MC dives after him are an absolute banger. "I knew. I knew you'd come. Not by another's comand but your own free will. Your radiance makes me want to weep. Before you, the thought of the man who failed to follow Hylas makes me want to cry." MC took the leap Heracles never did for Hylas, making them a better person than himself. Such a great moment. Absolutely adored it.

-First of all, exile reveal. Second of all, the reveal that Shiro's crush is more of an all-consuming OBSESSION. Always thinking of them. Always following them whatever path they decide to take. Knowing that they relied on him was his greatest source of happiness. He wanted to help them, to shoulder any and all of their burdens in the hopes that they would eventually feel the same way as him. Shiro was desperately striving for an insane, unhealthy co-dependent relationship where MC validates him by constantly needing him to help them and it's just ?!?!? This came way out of left field.

-Algernon. Algernon. Algernon. I absolutely loved it when he randomly got jealous and tried to change the topic when MC called Yamasachihiko hot. I love that he found someone who could keep up with him, an equal, in MC. I loved that they did a little tapdance routine together while killing the slimes. Oh. And Hombre Tigre. I'm not really a big fan of him. I just really like how interesting his dynamic with Quetzalcoatl is compared to everyone else. Hombre adoring Tezcatlipoca so much that he couldn't even begin to grasp why Quetzalcoatl would leave him behind and envying him for being the one who could consume Tezcatlipoca's thoughts and breaking him in such a manner.

-Sherlock Nomad and Assistant MC, the event we had all been waiting on. Anyways, y'all should know why I liked this event. It's that one scene where they beat Hermes' and he's just sitting on the floor like a pouty little kid when MC grabs his hand and he continues his little tantrum by telling them to let go while doing nothing to stop them. Hermes finally found a friend who could look past all of his lies and accept him with MC and I'm very happy for the bastard.

-That whole chase scene where Balor reveals that he's actually been a twat this entire time and he goes after MC, trying to capture them, is mwah. Love it. Also when Boogeyman triggered that ratfuck, Balor's, PTSD with his sacred artifact just the reveal that Lugh never had a choice in the matter and that Balor caused this fate to be forced upon him, something that he feared for himself in the first place. And the reveal that Balor didn't exactly regret killing his grandson. It was just the fact that Lugh didn't choose to fight him himself.

-The way Vapula was completely indifferent to his golemns until the very end where they're all silently gazing out into the sea after Sand Dragon self-deleted while following orders and are clearly fucked up about what they just witnessed, truly understanding how morbid Sand Dragon's existence was and the inevitability of his death, when MC turns to Vapula and says "Vapula.... We never got to name him" and Vapula just starts BAWLING.

-Oh look. A well executed plot twist. Loved the way that they conveyed Horus and Seth's true bond through how compatible and fluidly their memories were able to work together to fight against the group. Then there's the use of Seth's old memories to reveal that Horus had been on his side the entire time and that he was even the one who let him flee Duat. Also, an expansion on what seemed to be such a simple rule. Being able to control the sand being way more powerful than expected through a technicality.

-This one might actually be my favorite event. No. Not because it's a Fuxi or bird event. Shut your slut mouth. Banger music, great story, great picks for the characters and the dynamics, an exile reveal. Fuxi being so unhinged that he tries to fight literal children and Simurgh playing the straight man to his funny man will always be funny. Also, there was just that one moment where MC went "pull the trigger pussy" while Simurgh held a gun to their head and that's so based of them. Mostly dissapointed we didn't get more Nüwa lore.

[campoverlook-if]

Progress Update #4// 4/3/24

Hey everyone, just wanted to update you all on the story.

I've started a new process for the past few days where I write for two hours and then take fifteen-thirty minute breaks in between. I'm still blanking on what to write for a section sometimes, but I'm really trying not to have grayed out choices again. That was NOT fun.

Still, the writing process shouldn't be forced, but sometimes you just really need to kick your own ass and grab that text file by the ears. Plus, this is the most productive I've felt since getting my wisdom teeth removed.

In celebration of this new bout of inspiration, here's a sneak peek of an upcoming scene you may encounter in the update.

Alright, that's it. This girl can't just bully you away because she doesn't like you. You hadn't even done anything when she first started acting nasty towards you. Yes, you may have walked away in the middle of a conversation, but she had been so…aggressive. You weren't just going to stand there and take it, and you definitely weren't going to start now. So, you take a step closer to Claire, giving her a leveled glare of your own. "Last time I checked, this table doesn't belong to you." Tension quickly fills the air around the two of you. Claire doesn't respond to your retort, but she doesn't need to. Her body language gives you all the information you need to know.

Ooooh boi, what the hell did you do to make Claire this mad at you. And on the first day? Tragic.

Along with that we'll be getting into a few things before finally ending episode 1:

Reworked the gender system of the counselors. Now you can choose from the beginning how you want them to be.

Added the choice to be non-binary (a new batch of campers, hooyay!). Also need to add onto scenes with Asher, Claire, and Lucas.

Meeting the final two counselors (Ruby and Silas).

An added scene with E for returning MCs during your walk to the mess hall.

Going through orientation, including a fun scavenger hunt (Uncle Robert said it would be fun, don't believe him).

A small scene with your new roommates in your cabins.

I'm so excited just thinking about it, and I'm the one writing the dang story.

If you hadn't seen it yet, I answered an ask a little bit ago about doing visuals for the blog. I'm not the best at visual media (that's more my mother's thing) but I can use a character maker like a mf if I have too.

It was kinda nice, a little limiting, but it was surprisingly helpful for me to have it. I've thought about how these characters look for so long it's strange to suddenly see them brought to life in any type of way except text. The character bios have been updated with these pictures now.

(UPDATE: LITERALLY MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT DECISION: SLEEP DEPRIVED AF BEHAVIOR)

So, I wrote this update yeaterday and was planning for it to just post through queue like I normally do, but the situation has changed. The demo will be updated again, however the stopping point is literally the same. The only major changes are the gender system, adding being non-binary, and having everything on one file (pray for me). The stopping point is still the same.

All in all the word count is now at this point: 57k (W/O Code), 14K (average). Not a huge jump average wise, but I'm happy anyway.

Link to demo here.

(END OF EMERGENCY UPDATE)

That's all I wanted to talk about for now, if you run into any bugs just let me know and I'll fix it lickity split.

See you all on the next update!

P.S. - I love it when new people follow and only like the posts of certain counselors. I know who you're into now ;).

[thessalian]

Molly!Rook vs Family Issues

Over in Arlathan Forest, in a bunch of ruins

Cyrian: Hi, Hummingbird.

Bellara: ...wut.

Molly!Rook: His ... eyes are red. Behind that ... really awful mask. His eyes are red, Bellara. Were his eyes always red?

Bellara: No, and he wasn't actively turning people into demons either!

Cyrian: ...Wut.

Molly!Rook: Oh, hey, look - his eyes aren't red anymore.

Anaris: *appearing* Calm down, Cyrian. It's no one's fault that they weren't strong enough to withstand the change to true perfection.

Molly!Rook; Bellara: .........WUT.

Molly!Rook: Aaaaaaaand his eyes are back to red; is this going to be a thing, you mind-controlling piece of spectral crap?

Anaris: I could obliterate you, but I think Cyrian would prefer you had a chance--

Molly!Rook: Given you can apparently make Cyrian 'prefer' anything you damn well want him to, I'm going to take that to mean "I can't obliterate shit but I can get something else to do it for me".

Anaris: Come along, Cyrian.

Cyrian: I'm doing the right thing. You'll see.

Molly!Rook; Bellara: *exchange a look*

Molly!Rook: You've read all those serials, right?

Bellara: The ones where the blood mage or abomination or whatever is flailing around going, "You'll see; you'll all see! Mwahahaha!"? ...Yeah.

Molly!Rook: He wasn't mwahaha-ing, at least? And we didn't laugh like those fools at the academy, or whatever.

Bellara: Aaaaaand there are demons.

Molly!Rook: Wanna vent some spleen by shooting demons full of holes?

Bellara: ...YES.

And later, in Treviso

Lucanis: I do approve of your nibleness on rooftops, Rook--

Molly!Rook: Used to climb around ruins and trees all the time. ...Still do, I guess.

Lucanis: And you did it in the name of discovery and finding things, which is why you have also ... erm ... deprived a few neighbours of a luxury or three.

Molly!Rook: If the average civilian had a couple of chunks of Fade crystal and a rune that makes you stabbier just lying around, they probably shouldn't? Confiscation by the Antaam, if nothing else. Better we have it than the Antaam.

Neve: And the cash?

Molly!Rook: If they leave it lying around in corners, they can afford to lose it.

Lucanis: I suppose a roundabout approach will keep Zara off her guard for awhile, so-- Illario?

Illario: *waiting for them on a rooftop* You're late.

Molly!Rook: Sorry not sorry - we had a thing and you weren't invited.

Illario: Why should I let Lucanis have all the fun?

Molly!Rook: I mean, sure, sneaking around the rooftops for a little light stabnation is a hell of a way to spend an evening, but cousins as chaperones take the romance out of it.

Neve: Oh? And here I thought your idea of romance was a fish fry and a tour of the docks.

Molly!Rook: That's for later. There's a canal right there.

Illario: ...What, exactly, am I interrupting here?

Lucanis: .........Go home, Illario.

Illario: ...fine. *exits*

Molly!Rook: ...He did not, in fact, go home.

Lucanis: What makes you say that?

Molly!Rook; Neve: Narrative inevitability.

Molly!Rook: Plus ... sorry, but ... he knows your movements too well. Like, we decided this on more or less a whim, and he knows the exact roof you're going to be on? When I was zig-zagging along half of Treviso's rooftops like a cat with the zoomies?

Neve: If he's been tracking you that hard, Lucanis, he's not going to just give up and go home. The question is, why is he doing it?

Lucanis: ...Zara first. Then we'll have a talk with my cousin.

Later, in a room with way too much bathtub filled with even more blood

Molly!Rook: ...You've got red on you.

Zara: How crass. Perhaps you'll help fill my tub by the end of this.

Molly!Rook: Gotta tell you, lady, if you're looking for a virgin girl's blood for this thing, you are shit out of luck on both counts.

Neve: One, here.

Lucanis/Spite: LESS. TALK. MORE. KILL.

Stabnation: *ensues*

The Surreal Estate, after a few unfortunate revelations and issues

Molly!Rook: So ... just to make sure my ears are working. Zara was about to call Illario "Amatus", wasn't she?

Neve: Yes.

Molly!Rook: And ... he made damn sure to shut her up before she finished that word. Right as she was offering to tell us who the traitor in the Crows' ranks was.

Neve: Of course.

Molly!Rook: And he's got access to blood magic.

Neve: Never a good sign.

Molly!Rook: And he is really weirdly good at knowing exactly where Lucanis is at all times. Which ... would probably include a year ago, when he got on that boat and got nabbed, right?

Neve: Unfortunately.

Molly!Rook: And now Caterina and Lucanis are conveniently out of the way.

Neve: The universe missed a trick. Illario would have made a brilliant magister, with backstab moves like that one.

Molly!Rook: You're leaving me to help Lucanis work through to the conclusion that his beloved cousin's a traitor and an asshole, aren't you.

Neve: He likes you. Spite likes you, which will probably be more important for this one.

Molly!Rook: Oh, please. Spite's going to like any idea that lets him be ... well, spiteful at something. It's Lucanis I'm worried about. He trusts so few people; one of the few he does trust unconditionally betraying him that hardcore? And betraying Caterina in the process, which is worse where he's concerned.

Neve: ...You really care about him, don't you.

Molly!Rook: Never said I didn't, but you have to admit, that part's pretty obvious.

Neve: Pretty men with trust issues; catnip to the right sort of person. Go on; showing him your trust and concern will be balm for that tortured soul of his.

Molly!Rook: ...Have you been reading those serials again?

Neve: Have to. I'm carefully picking out the ones with happy endings for Bellara. After the Cyrian job, she needs some fluff.

Molly!Rook: *little grin* And you're not enjoying it at all.

Neve: ...Not that I'd admit to. Reputation. You understand.

Molly!Rook: *wider grin* Bye, Neve.

[multishipperofgaydeadwizards]

Ok so you who needs to become a thing? Dorcas and Mary. And here are my selling points.

[quick question, is it just me who makes an insane amount of correlation between the colour lavendar and Dorcas? Like idk it just makes sense somehow. Ykwim?]

1) Their shipname would be something like:

A. lavendarhaze (cause prev point + Mary canonically has a hazy memory of her past. It makes no sense now that I'm typing this out but I swear it works)

B. or lavendarsea (from the research we did on Mary's name yesternight)

C. or OR ✨️Femmefatale✨️ (cause, hear me out on this, I can't think of a more femme person in our fandom than Mary and plus who can be more fatale than Dorcas "Voldy had to kill me personally" Meadows? Is it obvious that I am extremely sleep deprived rn?

D. Realizing her name has Meadows has now given me the option: SeasMeadows. (Can we please have an assessment of all these options please I need your thoughts.)

2) They would both love gossiping and they'll already be besties because of it. And then one day they're sitting together and Mary sees her laugh and in her head she is like oh and abruptly says "I like you." And Dorcas is like thrown back for a second but then she smiles slowly "I like you too." And that's that they now go on dates and they're a couple. Is that too boring? I feel like I'm always going to the oblivious sapphics trope. I mean I love it but... ykwim?

3. Their dates would be like picnics by the Great Lake watching the sunset and cute coffee dates and going on walks and making gift baskets for each other and stuff like that. Wowie is my brain so dry rn

4. They are lipsticks stains and written letters and heart emojies in texts and blue hour and rose bouquets and wine glasses with left over rosé and out of breathe giggles and crossed ankles below the table and origami swans for each other and late night phone calls and goodbyes in sticky notes on the fridge door.

5. I just think they're nice. : )

And I am extremely tired I shall go sleep and be back in an hour or so. Gn<3

Also random af but lemongrass as a shipname for Moontail? No I did not stare at a bottle of lemongrass sticks and think it'll make neat shipname whaddoyoumean

yes!!! dorcas and mary belong together. they would be so amazing together omg

and yes, I also associate purple with dorcas. it just fits her idk

1) all the ship names you picked out are incredible. jaw-droppingly beautiful is what they are.

lavenderhaze is the cutest thing I have heared in a while

lavendersea is cute too

femmefatale? so true. slay

seameadows???? omfg that's so pretty. can't compare to lavenderhaze though

moral of the story? I'm in love with lavenderhaze. I literally love that ship name sm and I have no decided that that's officially their name

2) there is never too much oblivious sapphics. there isn't at all ever. but omggggg the idea os mary just looking at dorcas one day and being like. "oh. that's what this is." is adorable and dorcas just being like: "yeah me too." is so perfect. geodbsob I love them sm

3) yessss. one of their favorite activities is making fun of their friends for being oblivious idiots

4)&-*@;@[@;@[- YESSS THEY SO ARE OMGG

5) they are nice. the nicest actually :)

lemongrass for moontail??? osnsiebo yess please! it's adorable I love it :)

gn <33

[ohsoulymoons]

Courtney Brain Idea

Uh Courtney dying but funny times and a fun time!

I want her last words to be like "Rice pudding is not baby"

She's not really dying but Chris made think she is.

Then she does cute and flattering pose in hopes they bury her as such like that as she passed on everyone thinks she's fucking died.

Everyone loses their minds!

That's the new season by the way, how they start! A sleep deprivation Courtney who thinks she is dying after being kidnapped by Chris 5 times that month after she kept escaping and changing her name, burned off her fingerprints, and got out of Canada since All-stars, and living on the run, in fears of Total Drama ever happening ever again to her!

After waking up on the second episode so confused and just following only Noah, Leshawna, Ezekiel, and Izzy's directions mostly to be a "team player for once!" instead trying to run away and try to get lost at sea! AGAIN!

Courtney doesn't gloat anymore because she just tired of being her and here or collapses on the floor whenever Bridgette, Geoff, Gwen, Dj, and Duncan try speaking to here. She refuses to speak to them and makes herself pass out on purpose to avoid their question where she been all this time. When she finally does say something it's usually batshit things to get them to fuck off from her.

Can't you see I am planning to escape this hell? now they want to be friends and I want to not be on this series anymore! Leave me alone, I'm calling God then she picks up a pinecone to call God.

Everyone finds out she has like 7 degrees and has been living with Sierra or Trent most of the time when she needs to recharge within society standards.

Everyone is like she needs to stop it!

Courtney meanwhile in the confessional smirking by end episode three everyone will vote me off and I should be allowed to be in peace and actual focus on my main career as once a lawyer and now a nun.

She's not a nun let's just say she has to be a nun and Trent is the priest with a hit list and hire to kill whenever needed for their government as well as allies to their country.

But acting like crazy bitch on tv is a plus at forward moment! She is trying so bad to get kick off too! But mostly Geoff and Dunceny shippers force her to fucking stay! Much to her horror!

Courtney said ew! nO romance please, sir I need to finish up my hit list now!

[classymurderteddy]

Just posting from DA, so-

Anyway, I've been hyperfixating on Undertale for way too long, and finally gave in-

I haven't drawn anything from there since .. 2022, I think-?

So, I'm thinking of drawing little sketch dumps of my top characters, because I love them and they deserve my attention-

Plus some headcanons alongside-

Starting with our favorite sleep-deprived skeLebro-

And yeS, I know I gave him eyebrows, but I can't draw him as well without, and I like this look better .. plus it's easier for me to draw his expressions that way-

Shut up-

I love drawing Sans so much-

He's just fuN to draw-

[ And ignore the top left, for some reason, I attempted to draw something there fiVe times and failed, so just decided on a crappy, low-effort thiNg that really just makes him look like the poor guy's suFfering- ]

I had way too much fun with his expressions-

Anyway-

Headcanon time-

¤ Sans' favorite color is whiTe- : )

Seriously, he likes the color whiTe-

Why? It's Sans, who knows with him-

¤ He has a talent of sleeping anywhere and everywhere. Seriously, no spot is safe from him-

Papyrus has even found him napping on top of the refrigerator. How he got up there, whO the hell knows-

¤ He's the master of deflection. Serious conversations? He doesn't like them. Any topic he doesn't like? J o k e s -

Humor is his shield-

¤ He has mild insomnia, and sleeps only when he's not supposed to, it seems-

He can't sleep through the night to save his life, so he just takes to pacing the house-

¤ Papyrus uses him as a table. A lot. Seeing as he refuses to participate in assisting in puZzle making any other way-

¤ He tends to be infuriatingly stubborn with literally anything-

Especially when it comes to actually revealing how he truly feels most times-

¤ He's actually pretty heaVy-

Just ask Papyrus-

Especially if he wants to be deadweight. So, don't let his shoRt-guy stature fool you-

He can turn into a bag of bricks when he wants to-

¤ He's apathetic as heLl-

Seriously, with most things, he couldn't care less about. The only thing he really puts anything into anymore is making his bro hapPy-

¤ It's always just been him and Papyrus, for .. really as long as he's willing to remember, so he's had to mature much faster than one probably should in order to take care of him. Even if matUring for him is just going on a quest to become the laziest monster in the Underground-

¤ Don't underestimate what he's willing to do to get something the easy way-

He's had practically all his life finding loopholes in getting to things he can't reach- : )

¤ He's very .. monotone, 99% of the time. The only time he's not is probably when he's finding genuine amusement in screwing with Papyrus-

And his voice seems to have suffered because of it, simply because he never, NEVER raises his voice. So on the very rare occasion he is mad, or gets serious, his voice only really gains a lower .. nearly a growl to it. Which may be even more unsettling. Anyway, because of this, his voice is practically just this lower, flat tone. If he tried to shout, it'd probably destroy his voice way faster than it would anyone else.

¤ He and Alphys are actually pretty close friends. Whenever they cross each other's paths, 9 times out of 10, they'll end up nerding out on something and anYthing-

¤ He's practically incompetent with any other instrument other than the trombone-

And he's actually pretty good at it-

Even if he only puts effort into it because it drives Papyrus insane-

[sugar-omi]

(swiftie asker) "he was the sweet lemonade you wanted for a summer but cove was the water you needed" OH OKAY. OH OKAY. YOU LITERALLY COULD'VE JUST TAKEN MY STILL BEATING HEART AND THROWN IT INTO A FOOD PROCESSOR AND IT WOULD'VE HURT LESS THAN THAT. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK DUDE

the idea of baxter filling the "other woman" archetype is so bittersweet because he doesn't even show any hints that he's upset about it. he's just so very good at reassuring others that everything's fine, that the day is meant to be about them and that he's here to make their special day perfect. but who's going to be there for him? who's going to be more than just his summer love? who's going to realize they still love him in the fall?

reminds me of some of taylor's new music from ttpd ... fortnight (the first track) is such a baxter song because like . fleeting love? the one that got away? "thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up" referring to baxter ghosting mc for five years? "i took the miracle move-on drug; the effects were temporary" referring to baxter trying to make himself as temporary as possible so mc would forget about him easily - and it not working? "i love you, it's ruining my life"? "i touched you for only a fortnight"? "all of this to say, i hope you're okay - but you're the reason"? "and for a fortnight there, we were forever"???? i'm sorry but it's literally him.

ahhhh i don't mean to constantly send in walls of text but i've been a fan of yours for a long ass time and i'm so glad you like my silly little ideas!! i look up to you a lot as a writer so it makes me really happy that you're willing to entertain my thoughts haha

"who's going to realize they still love him in the fall" OH MY GOD.... just snatch my heart up n squeeze it omg...

that song is so him. i listened to it like 3 times and it's so HIM. also "i love you, it's ruining my life" is the best fucking way to describe how I FELT AFTER PLAYING BAXTER'S DLC. the pain, the way he delicately then cruelly rejects you when you ask for more.

that'd be exactly what he was trying to avoid. it's why he didn't go further with you in the cabin, and it's why he keeps up the appearance of someone put together and strong, mysterious and a whirlwind. so much so you can't put up with it for more than the summer.

gives you the glitter and flare of a summer fling, gives you fun and excitement but deprives you of the intimacy, dodges the sensitive questions...

but you're too kind. always reaching out for him, pulling him into your small world, and he's too much of a sucker. falls for your sweet smile, your insistence that he joins your friends or family for activities. falls for you insisting that you need him, that you like him...

jfc i cannot ramble again, if anything im the one yapping your ear off LMAO. please i can ramble about baxter for DAYS. i love him but this man is the perfect angst bank and i can drag on for ages...

and please don't worry about writing long messages, even if i take awhile to respond, i love reading em so much. i was actually looking forward to what you had to say about my last response lol <3

n plus you know much more about taylor swift than i do, and the songs n stuff better. i mean i do check the lyrics n associate em n associate songs n stuff but i love how enthusiastic you are, it's very refreshing to me 😊

and omg you're so kind... ngl i cried a bit LOL i've never had someone say they look up to me n i didn't expect that, that's very sweet and i'm glad i'm good enough to be inspiring, i'm very happy to hear that🥹🫶

n i'm more than happy to listen to everyones thoughts, i think everything yall have to say is worthwhile and it's like you pluck some things straight out of my brain too 😂 i wish i could spend all day answering yall's thoughts and stuff, i get excited seeing more asks even though i cannot respond quickly

so thank you for sharing your thoughts <3 i look forward to more, n don't be afraid to dm me!!! yall are too sweet, so feel free to ask me anything 🥰

[muirmarie]

9 and 10 for the wip ask meme!

9. 🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

the two i think i'm most looking forward to writing but haven't started is 1) the one where mccoy has something done to him where he can't disagree with spock's (perceived) worldview, just because it's I think going to be fun to have to write the heart of mccoy purely by its absence, plus it's established mckirk going into mcspirk which is new for me, and also because it involves spock arguing mccoy's side on things because he hates mccoy being forced to argue spock's ~side, and 2) the aftermath of sensory deprivation where mccoy can genuinely not stand to be alone for weeks (but won't admit it) because i've wanted to write a version of that story for someone or other for SUCH a long time, and i really do enjoy writing characters that just, absolutely lie through their teeth while struggling, like god i ADORE writing that dynamic, it is genuinely one of my favorite things!!!!!, but they're both going to be longer stories and i won't be starting them this month, i know.

[otherwise, the three fics of my heart that i'm still trying too hard to get back into writing to even think about too closely right now are: mash star trek au, mash buffy au, jurassic park college age ot3]

10. 🤡How many Wips are you actively working on?

i'd say probably 5? i don't rotate through them per se, but what i've been doing the last couple months is having about 4-5 that i'm sketching out, and then when i actually get into completing a fic i set the rest aside and focus solely on it. but the ~5 i have open in docs right (i have 10 open docs right now but i'd count 5 of them as the top ones) all have between 1-4k, and i've added/noted something down on those 5 main ones within the last week?

historically that's very unusual for me, but also what i was doing previously wasn't working lollll, so no bad ideas in a brainstorm =P

<3333

[spookycatholicknight]

Eight Chapter 8 PT2:

"Sounds awesome." She smiled as the two then walked back to practice.

His black car drove into the driveway, Rachel jumped from the window she was watching and quickly closed and locked the door before she ran down the stairs to Bruce who stood out, holding open her door. "Thanks!" She said as she excitedly hopped in. Closing the door for her he then hopped into the driver's side before backing up and pulling away. "Alright, where is this tea place you were talking about?" "Boba Tea, its at ###." Bruce nodded as they drove away.

That night was full of fun as the two felt lost in a dream. Rachel confessed to never being asked out, which caught Bruce shocked and off guard. Bruce spoke about how great Rachel smelt, and the two got lost in other topics that entered their conversations. Singing to loud rock music as Bruce had fun making Rachel shout in fits of laughter as he made their drive crazy by not driving fully straight but in small swerves. Grabbing caramel espresso bobas before exploring the mountains. Finally they made it back to a sushi restaurant, Bruce not letting Rachel pay for anything but their too sugary drinks. Before finally taking her to the movies. During the movie, Rachel couldn't help but talk through it, however Bruce did not mind. He quite enjoyed listening to her crazy emotions and ideas. As they watched the movie however, he heard sniffing. Looking over he saw Rachel had indeed began to cry during a sadder part of the movie. He looked at her before he held out his hand. She looked at it before taking it and looking at him. Those teary eyes, he didn't like them, they were so sad. Pausing he then pulled away and pulled up the arm in between the two before opening his arm for her. Climbing over Rachel leaned into him as he hugged her and she hugged him. He held her firmly, rubbing her back. "It's just a movie." He whispered "I know... I can't help it. The joys of being a woman." He chuckled at her sarcastic joke. However his heart couldn't help but warm to her more sensitive spirit. Most of the times in which he saw her, she was a sleep deprived, b####ed face, isolated girl. But seeing this more caring side that was so empathetic, it really made him feel different. He held her and even after the sad moments, she didn't pull away, truly loving the hug. It was night when their date was over, driving her home the two had fun rocking out, he'd pick a song then she would. Until the gps would cut in and explain where to go. Bruce couldn't help but giggle as Rachel would groan and complain the gps was interrupting their song before jumping in her seat and rocking out a second later. Finally taking her home, he walked her up to her door. "Hey wait-" He said before she opened the door "Can I get a hug?" Rachel smiled as she then wrapped her arms around him and gave him a tight but not holding back hug. "Oh that's an amazing hug." She couldn't help but laugh "What'd you mean?" "Well you are fully here and happily giving me a hug that shows me you care about me. Plus don't think I don't see you snuggling into my neck there." Rachel couldn't help but chuckle. "Although- my mom still gives the best hugs. Sorry, I can't stop her." Rachel shrugged, "It's ok, thank you so much for tonight and giving me a chance." "Of course, really I should be thanking you, for making my car small, nice, the hugs, and for showing me the food places. But next time let's not choose a movie that makes you cry." Rachel shrugged "No promises, goodnight! Safe driving!"

A couple weeks later, it was New Year's Eve. Rachel and Bruce were out in the mountains, hanging out as they watched fireworks going off. Sitting on the ground the two listened to country songs as they watched the beautiful colors blow up above them. "Didn't you say you made your own dance to one of these songs?" Rachel smiled and nodded "Would you show me it?" Rachel chuckled alright, putting on the song she began to dance and Bruce was shocked by how easily connected to the music she was as she shook her hips and moved around. He couldn't help but jump in halfway and dance with her. They laughed as they then looked at his silver watch, 12:00. Looking up, Bruce smiled at Rachel "Happy new year." She couldn't help but laugh "What'cha talking about? It's been the new year since December, you and the rest of the world are too slow." She teased before looking out at the valley and swayed with Bruce to the music, Bruce looked back at Rachel and leaned in to her. Rachel began to speak before she looked back at Bruce, the two paused as Bruce accidentally kissed her lips instead of her cheek. Jumping back he scrambled to explain himself "I-I meant to- to ah- just- a quick peck o-o-on the ch-cheek. I- I'm sorry." The two couldn't help but blush into a flustered mess. However, that night was gorgeous. A new year full of possibilities.

"What's your new year's resolution?" Bruce asked Rachel "Hmm, to follow God's will, since he's the spirit of truth, love, and virtue. And to go to bed early as well as get up early." Bruce chuckled "Ah practicing to be a grandma already?" "No" She giggled "Yeah I'm just teasing, those are good resolutions." "What's yours's?" Rachel said with a smile as she looked at him. "Hmm.... To be honest, to take accountability for my downfalls, and- to be strong." Rachel smiled, "I like that, I think you'll do great." Bruce smiled back at her "Thanks I think yours is too. But- I have to say. What the heck are you wearing? You smell so good, is it perfume?" "Ha ha, no no it's a wintery coconut flavor-I mean scented lotion." Bruce nodded, then paused "Flavor aye?" Rachel rolled her eyes and laughed. "Speaking of coconut." Bruce said as he got up and walked to the back of his truck before coming back out as Rachel gasped. "You did not-" "Yes I did, coconut pie, your favorite." Rachel laughed a bit more as he put his larger jacket around her shoulder and handed her a spoon as he sat next to her. As he took a spoon full of the pie he whistled at Rachel, she looked up as she held the spoonful out to her. She smiled and happily accepted, Bruce froze at her too happy face and pulled away thinking she was too cute.

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Laying in the dark, the paper clothes held tightly to his body. His brown eyes stared at the ceiling as he breathed hard and ragged. He felt cold, the loneliness was suffocating. Nobody, nothing was here. He was alone. He gripped his sleeves tightly, his arms crossed as he looked down. The IV's tugging at his veins as he looked back up at the pitch black room. Not even a glimpse of the moon was given to him. This was his darkest moment of all, coughing he spoke shallowly. Mumblings streamed under his breath and he rubbed the back of his bare neck. "Our father who are in heaven.." He whispered as one of his hands held tightly against his quivering and in-pained heart. Whispers and screams surrounded him, or was that all in his head? Once more his shaky breath drew out, "Thank you for my struggles and the pains... as they help me grow closer to you." The sounds of a rhythmic beating echoed in the empty room. "Thank you my guardian angel for all you do and for serving our lord, and for watching over me.... Thank you to all the angels and saints for serving the lord of love and strength." Looking down as he fought to keep his rough voice from giving out. "Watch over the people I love and have met, work through me to help them grow closer to your virtuous water of life......and..." A whimper left his throat as he covered his mouth but bent his head further down in a humble manner. "Please father keep your daughter safe, and guide her closer to righteousness while I can't. Please, protect my sister I pray."

[charity-angel]

My local hospital has a couple of bus routes that run past the main entrance. But their stops aren't actually near the entrance.

On top of that, the main entrance is a quarter-mile road with narrow footpaths and dropped/cut kerbs so steep they're impossible to navigate by wheelchair.

Any wheelchair user has to use the road itself. And, surprise, it's the main entrance of a hospital - that road is pretty busy.

Basically, no one with a mobility impairment of any kind can use public transport to get to the hospital. Parents with sick kids in prams or pushchairs, or who are sick themself but can't leave their child unattended while they go to an appointment, either risk life and limb, or can't use public transport.

The truly stupid thing is that there is a bus stop right at the actual entrance to the hospital building. It is only served by the free shuttle bus that runs between the three local hospitals. It does not stop anywhere other than those hospitals.

Why can the local services not take a tiny detour and use that stop? I mean, the next nearest hospital does that - there's about 10 different services stop there, and share the stop that the shuttle bus uses.

(Don't get me wrong, the disabled parking situation is equally comical, so it's not just public transport users they're discriminating against - it's all disabled people)

--

But that's not even the funniest part. My local hospital has what might be deemed fairly "normal" services. To see a neurologist or endocrinologist (to use my own personal examples), I have to go out of area. That out of area hospital is a 2 hour journey by bus (about 40 by car), and still, the bus doesn't go into the hospital grounds. In this case, the hospital is built in a dip, with the road running higher up. Much higher up. As in, my manual-wheelchair-using ass couldn't manage it.

There are buses I could change onto that do go into the grounds (I believe - never seen one), but do you know how much of a PITA it is just to get onto a bus as a wheelchair user? And how much you run the risk of there being another wheelchair user in the only space you can occupy?

Also, very much worth mentioning - in the UK, wheelchairs are not secured in any way to the bus floor. This isn't much of an issue for someone who uses a heavy power chair, but the rest of us have to cling on for dear life at every turn. And it's a VERY windy road from my town, over the Pennines, to the hospital. I actually have purchased some items to create tie-down points because riding the bus for any significant length of time is exhausting.

And the really, really fun part? Basically any testing my doctors want doing means I can't take my meds beforehand. And, like with diabetics, if I don't take my meds, I'm not legally allowed to drive. All the appointment letters cheerfully tell me I can drive afterwards, but gloss over the fact I can't drive myself TO the appointment.

And, of course, these appointments are really early in the morning (my meds literally keep me alive - they can't deprive me for too long), so the bus I'd have to catch to get there on time doesn't even exist.

And the really, really best part? Because I have to go out of area, I can't get the non-emergency ambulance transport I technically have the right to request, because it's across a regional ambulance service boundary too.

I'm well and truly screwed, every which way. I 100%, at almost 40, have to rely on my parents for transport to my appointments. I literally CANNOT get there without them.

(there are other life dramas associated with that particular thing, but they're not relevant here)

What if I didn't have that support? My literal only option would be a taxi, and who the heck can afford that? It's a 35 mile round trip, plus the waiting time where they can't take another fare. But paying for that wait time would definitely be cheaper than me having to pay for 70 miles of taxi trips (them going back to their home base, then another cab coming out to collect me).

And this is in the UK - the land of (mostly) free healthcare. I can't even imagine what this would be like in the US. I'd probably qualify for Medicare or Medicaid, and thus be luckier than some, but even so...

Cannot believe that it would take two hours, 30 minutes of which are spent walking, to get from my house to the physical therapy clinic on public transit and 13 minutes by car, with construction backups. Except I can believe that. Totally. Because our public transit is a fucking disgrace.

Even if I was willing to take two hours to get somewhere, I can't walk for half an hour so I can get to physical therapy for my fucked up ankles. That's insane.

No, not everyone has "the same 24 hours" and no, we don't need to make cars harder to get or more expensive to run.

When people talk about how it's harder for poor people to access medical care, this is part of it too.

Also, if you can't get to something like PT for pain relief, which your doctor wants to try before meds that actually help...wouldn't buying painkillers off the street seem a lot more reasonable? Like maybe it would be the only option?

I'm not in that situation but boy is it real.

[sunnywalnut]

You know I'd rather do something terribly than not do it at all.

Like yeah, it'd be great to be able to thoroughly sweep my house, but if my legs can only stand for long enough for me to get the middles of the rooms, that should be fine.

Or trying some wacky new art idea with some media I've never worked with before. Like I know ZILCH about oil pastels but hey!! Pretty colors!!

I'm not a gamer AT ALL but hey, this game looks pretty cool! It's okay if I don't get all the achievements or even fight all the bosses. I'm only really appreciating the artwork anyways, right?

I mean shoot, starting a new recipe is scary sometimes, and it might not even turn out right, but if it DOES then I'll have something new under my belt!! If not, at least I'll have a funny story, like when I exploded brown sugar in the microwave.

And friends?? I'd rather talk to that super cool person I've seen around and try to find out who they are instead of just spending my years wondering who they might have been and if they really were that cool. So what if they don't like me?? At least I'll KNOW that instead of just blundering around the land of what could have been. PLUS it's always funny when you meet your friends through embarrassing/silly ways. It adds character. Adds charm.

Why should I have to be scared of not doing things "right" when all I'm ever doing them for is myself?? It doesn't make any sense.

Life is too short to worry about that kind of thing. I'd rather make twenty mistakes in one week than spend twenty years hiding in my own shadow afraid of what I might do wrong.

You can't force yourself not to do anything wrong. You can't live life like that. Always on the outskirts, afraid to get messy.

You miss out on a lot of fun that way.

Heartache too, sure, but the times before that were fun too, were they not? Perhaps you can find a new version of that fun. Of that happiness. A version that lasts.

Why would you deprive yourself of that?

What do you gain if all you ever do is lose?