#and cannot for the LIFE of me get back to work

[destinysquared]

Yes or No ---The Freak Circus Fanfic By Destinysquared

Pairing: Pierrot/Gender Neutral MC ~~~~~WITH QUICK SKETCHES BY ME THROUGHOUT THE FANFIC ITSELF :D~~~~~~~

Summary: You've been sharing your lunch breaks with Pierrot for a few days now only to realize, you know nothing about him. Since the clown cannot speak in public, it's up to you to try and find out what he's truly thinking about. (Author notes at the end, also this fic is on my A03 linked here (leave a comment or kudos if you are able!)

---BTW I'm sorry this is so MC focused, but I promise it gets good at the end.

You didn’t remember when it all started to become a regular thing, having The Pierrot join you during your lunch breaks, but it was a welcome change of pace. His daily visits weren’t too strange, were they? That the other circus members would regularly visit the café where you worked just made sense. This was after all the closest place for them to get coffee, aside from a small kiosk with odd hours. Though the pleasant company in front of you more than made up for the small warning in the back of your mind, signaling that something was off about the clowns’ frequent visits.

Pierrot with his usual wide smile stared at you cradling a cup of soup on your shared table. Beaming at his piercing gaze, you immediately began to recount every last boring detail of your day to him. Knowing that any conversation in such a public place would be limited to mostly you, Pierrot’s rapt attention never failed to ignite the old “Class Clown” tendencies you had back in high school. Inspiring you to want to perform for the silent performer.

You exaggerated your exhaustive schedule to him, the sticky counters you’ve bussed, the orders you almost (but didn’t) get wrong, the best customers, and the worst customers. Naturally, during the latter bit of your story, his face changed to one that you’ve only seen whenever Harlequin was around.

“Don’t worry,” you chuckled at his angry, toothy expression; twirling a spoon playfully in your now tepid cup of soup. “If it helps, I gave those jerks wayyyy less whipped cream than they asked for. That’ll show em’!”

And just like that, his smile returned.

It was touching really, that Pierrot cared so much about the little things in your life.

Though your guarded heart wouldn’t allow you to think too deeply on why.

            Sadly, lunch breaks had to be shorter these days due to the lack of help in the café. Luckily, your boss did manage to find someone to come in temporarily every now and again. The extra hands helped give you both some breathing room while fishing for a full-time replacement. It was during one such day that you found yourself at one of the café’s small two-person tables; comfortably sitting across from Pierrot just as a crowd of patrons swarmed inside.

            Wincing at the scene, you empathized with both your boss and the new temp as they dealt with the onslaught. Said boss noticed you were pushing back your chair, ready to help (much to the silent clown’s dismay), but the tattooed man waved for you to keep still and enjoy the rest of your break. To which you smiled gratefully, eagerly turning back to your crimson companion.

Then, your smile faltered.

Pierrot had grabbed a few of your unused napkins and began tearing them slightly into little shapes. Sometimes during your breaks, The Pierrot would lean forward to whisper things to you. Whether they be answers to your questions or sweet compliments that made your heart flutter more than you’d care to admit. Frankly and perhaps to some, pathetically, it was a highlight of your day. Now though? The place was far too crowded for the usual small, whispered talk you both often shared. Naturally, for the sake of his act, he wouldn’t risk being heard, and that made your smile start to dip.

Now what?

The thought of not being able to communicate with him as easily as normal was disappointing. As much as you loved an engaging audience, it felt unfair to be the ringleader in a two-person act. The sweet clown who never failed to entertain, gave candy alongside a tip for every shake he ordered, listening to you with such reverence that you found yourself speaking more and more to him each day, was now heavily concentrated on a piece of flimsy paper. There was nothing either of you could do.  

You ate with The Pierrot in silence for most of the lunch break today, staring occasionally at his clawed hands tearing the poor napkins he held to shreds. Memories of past (failed) relationships made your brain drastically interpret this small obstacle as him being bored of you. Though to be fair, what did you even know about Pierrot? Are you….friends? Does he like his job? What’s going through his head right now? You couldn’t tell and suddenly, you had the urge to ask.

It was frustrating to be in the now crowded the café, yet it was far too cold to eat somewhere secluded outside. Plus, the end of your break was drawing near. No time to look for an empty diner to sit in or something. This is frustrating, you thought to yourself while sipping another bit of your soup harshly. For some reason, the urge to talk to him today was burning inside. You really wanted to communicate with him. More than that, you wanted his attention.  

Suddenly, an idea popped in your head and a slow, mischievous smirk began to form.

“Hey, want to play a game?”

Pierrot’s head bolted up so suddenly at the sound of your voice that you almost thought he pulled something by the action. His jingling head tilting with a confused expression urged you to continue. However, your throat convulsed a bit as you held back a laugh at his eagerness. Yet still, you raised your spoon as a mock microphone for the now captive audience.  

“AHEM!”, you started again with your best announcer voice. “Let’s see folks, if I can guess what The Pierrot is thinking.”

His expression was blank, the torn napkin in his fingers started to droop.

You explained regardless, “It’s simple. I know you can’t talk, but that doesn’t mean you can’t communicate.”

A dramatic pause ensued as Pierrot blinked at your amateurish showmanship.

Leaning forward with a grin wide enough to rival your companion’s, you continued in a softer, yet still loud enough to be heard over the customers’ cacophony, voice.

“The rules are thus: I get to ask as many questions as I’d like BEFORE my break ends. All to figure out what’s going on in that head of yours. Yes or no questions only of course. If I get it wrong before time runs out, I’ll personally make you a milkshake on the house. What do you say?”

For a moment it seemed you lost him. Though you did notice a small blush form on his surprised face when you leaned closer to the reddish clown. Suddenly, your hammy efforts were rewarded as a large smile formed on his masked face, followed by an eager nod. The jingling bells of his hat were barely heard amongst the crowd that seemed to never end. Even a woman who bumped into your chair as you leaned back into your seat couldn’t damped your mood now.

This was going to be fun.

“So….what is The Pierrot thinking? What is he thinking?” You tap your spoon on the edge of the soup cup contemplatively.

Pierrot was admittedly very hard to read, you knew there was a good chance he’d get that milkshake. Not that you’d admit defeat just yet. Still, his burning gaze filled you with something inexplicable, it was almost addictive to have this sort of attention on your person. No one, not even the bored students of your former school days ever looked at you this way as you pretended to perform. And though Pierrot’s hands were once again twisting and cutting up the napkin he coveted, his focus was finally back on you. Fully.

“Are you thinking about anything from the circus?”

He shook his head.

“Ah won’t Harlequin be disappointed,” you tease, chuckling at The Pierrot’s darkened expression. “Ok ok! Sorry. How about, milkshakes?”

He shook again. You were getting desperate and began to stare at his working hands.

“Are you thinking about….paper?”

Pierrot raised a palm over his mouth in a laughing gesture while shaking his head with an amused grin.

“Ok funny guy, you asked for it,” you warned with a laugh. “Are you thinking about something in this room?”

Suddenly his eyes brightened as he nodded vigorously at your guess. You smiled. Now we were getting somewhere.

“Ok….is it about the coffee?” you got your answer swiftly. “No? Well, we ruled out milkshakes….Cakes? Our danishes? The smell of Clorox on the table?”

And once more, you were batting zeroes. With a slight sweat beading on the back of your neck, your eyes darted to the clock behind Pierrot and the crowd. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much time left before you had to join your co-workers in the battlefield that is known as customer service, and sadly admit defeat.  

“What about…….the people in here?” you asked with a nervous shrug.

Pierrot’s grin grew wider but he only gave a small nod as he raised one pointer finger up by his face.

“What?” you squinted. “One? Ohhh wait? You’re thinking about just one person, then?”

He nodded, this time more enthusiastically, enough so for his many bells to ring once more.

“Huh…so you’re thinking about someONE, not someTHING?” you blinked realizing.

It’s not like Pierrot knew anyone else in the room, as far as you could tell. No one from the circus seemed to be on the endless line formed at the counter. Plus, your boss had always tried to stay away from the performers, preferring to count inventory whenever they were around. So it likely wasn’t him.

 It took you less time than usual, but more than most to FULLY realize.

Was it…?

“Me?”

Pierrot then gently cupped his hands together, the torn-up napkin still resting but now hidden between his palms. He nods happily, eagerly with a growing blush on his face as you finally guessed right. Your mouth parted slightly at this revelation. Heart skipping a beat for only just a moment before your anxiety quickly stilled the effect.

 You’ve seen each other nearly every day.

Of course he’s thought about you.

Of course it made sense.

It didn’t mean anything else. He’s just being nice. That’s what friends do…..if we even were friends.

Or maybe, it’s a joke?

You quickly scoffed into a short laugh, giving your best Shakespearian pose. Hands both on your chest, head tilted back. You decided to go along with what you perceived as a friendly jest from The Pierrot.

He’s from the circus after all, isn’t this how they do things?

“Aww you’re thinking about me?” you gushed with flamboyance. “I’m flattered, but what could you be thinking about specifically? Hm? Oh. I think I know.”

You then stretched one arm towards the clown, the other still on your chest. Eyes now closed with a cat-like grin on your face.

“You’re thinking about how utterly gorgeous I am and how meeting me was the greatest thing to ever happen to you in your life.”

It’s a shame your eyes were closed. You would have noticed the shine in Pierrot’s. How they simultaneously shimmered and shook like dishware in an earthquake. The way his body stiffened, holding back an unfamiliar hunger. For a moment, the silent clown panicked. Wondering if you truly could read minds. How much easier and harder it would be then, wouldn’t it? His heart stilled, gripping the arteries that held it in place like stretched violin strings. His hands, clasping together, fingers tight but palms apart so as not to crush the torn paper napkin between them. Your eyes were closed, and for the first time since he’s known you, Pierrot showed his true feelings while you were awake. Only after your eyes opened, confused by his frozen, and slightly crooked smile, did his heart begin to beat once more.

Just as you were about to ask if he was ok, reassure him that you were in on the joke he clearly must have been making, claws suddenly clamped down on your tender flesh.

Pierrot gently but quickly grabbed your outstretched hand.

He jutted forward like a tiger on a mouse, yet he cradled your fingers like porcelain. One clawed appendage below, touching the back of your hand, the other on your palm.  It didn’t hurt or anything, but it startled you. You gave out a small gasp at the terrifying yet soft gesture. The sheer juxtaposition of his bold actions with tenderness was overwhelming. Confusing. Dizzying.

Eventually, you met his eyes again as he slowly nodded towards you with a gaze so piercing it rivaled the sharpness of his hidden blades.

Soon, Pierrot finally let you go.

Your arm lowered a bit without his hands to keep it in the air, but you were too entranced by his actions to notice the gift he left in your palm. Gulping, you felt your face began to heat up as you had trouble looking away from his eyes. Eyes that almost seemed like a cat’s slitted stare in this light, ready to pounce, but you shook your head quickly at the impossible thought.

Then, you noticed.

In your hands was the torn-up napkin Pierrot had been playing with this whole time, or at least you thought it was. Instead of just scraps of paper one would assume he was just slicing and twisting out of boredom, was instead shaped like a rose.

A rose just for you.

Like the tinnitus you occasionally got from having dealt with screeching Karens all day, the sound of the crowded room you both sat in faded for a while. Even the call of your boss telling you that your break was over, barely made it past your ears. This whole time Pierrot continued to study at you with a smaller, more serious smile than he usually had. Golden apertures capturing your every move. It caused a shiver down your spine. One could swear they heard the clown breathe harder as your mouth parted and cheeks flushed a deeper red.

Your hand curled slightly around the napkin flower that he gave you, caging it gently.

This was your prize. You won the game.

-------------------------------------------

Author Notes: So like....I'M SORRY I'm so wordy guys. Like soooo wordy. But still, I hope you like and I hope it makes sense? Sorry though for those who may find some terms I've used difficult to understand. Sadly, english is my only language so I've used phrases/colloquialisms that are familiar to me in here. Still....had this idea in mind for days.....wrote it out in two hours....edited in three hours throughout this week. And made these sketches real quick to help. Cause I also felt bad that this fic MAINLY focuses on the MC more than our beloved Pierrot. Still, I hope you like. Haven't written a fanfic in over 15 years so like....thank you @nekoboydreams for inspiring me artistically as both a painter and a writer---- though funnily enough, I'm also a video editor and I 'might' have plans for something using video with pierrot there but i haven't even THOUGHT about that so don't hold your breath guys. Enjoyyyy either way. Got this fic again on A03 linked here.

[sparkellite]

Oh god my time to shine. I'm gonna be insufferable about musicals very dear to my heart so uhh rambling below the cut. And spoilers for kpop demon hunters, the 1995 Jekyll and Hyde musical and Mozart l'Ópera Rock.

These may not even make sense but idc this is for me.

Ok so yes Zoey 10000% Epic girlie. But you know what musical resonates with Rumi? Jekyll and Hyde. Dr. Henry Jekyll with good intentions but a bit of hubris attempts to create A Formula to separate Evil from Good (Ryu Rumi with good intentions but a bit of impatience releases Golden early to get rid of her patterns asap) and it backfires when the formula does exactly as intended and turns him into a monster at random (and it backfires when her patterns behave exactly as expected and spread the more shame she feels and bottles up) and he loses his social life, prestige and lowkey almost his degree (and she almost loses her best friends, voice and lowkey her career).

Of course the ending of that musical is much more bleak than the ending of the actual story, but Rumi probably sees parallels anyways (he wouldn't have lost himself to his other half if he'd just accepted the potential for good and evil in every person, so that he could control his impulses with his conscience and morals) (she wouldnt have lost so much if she'd just accepted her patterns as part of herself from the start, so that she could understand and control her emotions better so they don't hurt the Honmoon) (But the tragedy is that he was never going to learn that lesson without it ruining his life) (But the miracle is that she got to learn thar lesson before it ruined everyone's lives). Specially since she used to see her patterns as an entity other than herself. You cannot tell me she wouldn't sing her heart out to No One Must Ever Know.

Somehow I've got to go on

Till the evil has been defeated

Till my work's completed -

I will not be cheated

His Work and Nothing More is so rumira coded also...

This is not the man I knew

There's something deeply troubling you

How long do you plan to hide away here?

This increasing isolation

Only adds to your frustration

And it could endanger your career

John, I don't need you to turn on me as well

More than ever now I need a friend

Can't you see and don't you know I've been through hell?

Don't condemn what you don't comprehend

Henry, I'm not questioning your motives here

But is what you're seeking worth the price?

You've turned your back on everything you once held dear

You're choosing to ignore your friend's advice

And honestly in a world in which Rumi has processed her feelings about her demon half and has some level of control over it, Confrontation with her using her demon voice on and off would go so hard...

AS FOR MIRA!! Zoey took one look and said "i got just the thing for you" and got her to watch Mozart l'Ópera Rock. Now, the lyrics don't hit her as hard as other musicals might, but the music slaps and the aesthetic is peak. What do you mean they turned classical composer Antonio Salieri emo and gave him a number singing about jealousy but with bdsm imagery and innuendos? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY MADE RIVALS TO LOVERS WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART AND ANTONIO SALIERI DOOMED GAYS?? And the fact Mozart kisses like five women and a guy not even 20 minutes into the first song. Yeah. It's fire and Mira finds herself humming Le Bien Qui Fait mal.

Ok I lied there is one song she absolutely feels from the bottom of her soul and it's Le Trublion

Messieurs les juges les procureurs

Non, je n'ai cure de vos assises

Je suis assis sur votre Honneur

Et vos valeurs que je méprise

(Sirs judges , prosecutors

No, I haven’t cured your assizes

I sit on your Honor

And your values, which I despise)

And yeahhhhh just 10/10 they have musical only impromptu karaoke sessions.

I think Zoey really likes musicals because she; loves overly dramatic stuff and the talent involved in writing songs that also move a narrative forward.

Mira is doing a live stream during their hiatus (she does them all the time, they don’t really feel like work) and someone asks what the other members of Huntrix do to pass the time. She walks over to Zoey’s room and Zoey is KILLING a cover of Thunder Bringer from Epic the musical (she’s also doing a whole sexy dance that people joke Zeus was doing during the song) while Rumi is laying on the bed waiting for her parts.

(Zoey makes Rumi play Odysseus during Done For, There are other ways and Would you fall in love with me again. Mira plays Athena’s parts whenever her and Odysseus are in the same song too)

Since I also think Zoey LOVES Glee (she legally has to because she’s a bisexual woman who loves music) I think she got into Starkid’s plays and has made Mira and Rumi watch all of them.

[cinnamoonblue]

Chapter III | Miss me?

Summary: One reckless night leads to the biggest and most unexpected change in your life. How will this affect your current life and how you and the charming stranger you met only once will manage to handle the bringing of a new life to this world together is a challenge yet to be discovered. Will you be able to make the right choices while battling your own demons? Who knows, all you must be worried about now is that your period is late...

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader

Supporting characters: Marco, Thatch, Whitebeard, Luffy, Sabo, Nico Robin, Boa Hancock, Isuka

Description: Modern AU | Firefighter Baby Daddy!Ace

WARNINGS: english is not my first language, explicit language, NSFW, 18+ only, contains explicit sexual themes and content, use of alcohol, slow burn, conflicted feelings, conflicted relationship, emotional distress, jealousy, suggestive themes, previous toxic relationships, mention of depression, mention/description of pregnancy, strangers to co-parents to lovers, mentions of a lot of anxiety, mentions of cheating, mentions of mental trauma, social anxiety (+ more warnings will be added if needed to)

Additional tags: Reader is super awkward and has social anxiety and low-self esteem but this changes (I don't want to spoil), Ace is emotional invalid when it comes to love, but this also changes (no spoilers)

WORD COUNT: 11,9K

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NOTE: Hello everyone, I want to first thank you about all the love you express for this fic ♡ I have so much fun writing this story and I’m so happy that you like it as well ♡ The editing of this chapter might be pretty bad and maybe with a lot of spelling mistakes, but I have been away since the last week of the June and my computer is back home, and I’m won’t be back until the end of August, therefore I write and edit from my phone as the only laptop I have access to is so painfully slow I don’t have the nerves to edit on it. Anyway - more yapping at the end. Enjoy ♡

Reaching with one hand to grab another piece of snacks while holding the PS controller in the other, Ace laughs at the tv screen in front of him as his brother gets defeated once again by him.  

“Just give up Luffy.” He says mocking to the microphone attached to the headphones he is wearing.  

“You’re cheating!” His younger brother screams from the other side of the headphones.  

“Yea, yea.” Ace chuckles as they start another round. “If this is going to help you sleep tonight keep telling yourself that.” 

Today is one of Ace’s day offs. He always demands long shifts at work or takes extra hours. It is not like he doesn’t enjoy having days without work, not at all he loves these days, but the extra hours bring him extra bonuses, and these bonuses get add to his savings for his dream car.  

By his calculations he must be able to buy it in the next four months, and he cannot wait for this. Six years of hard work and soon his dream vehicle will no longer be just a dream, but a reality he will be owning.  

He has already spoken with the owner of the car he has picked up to be his, and he has promised Ace that he would wait for him and wouldn’t put it up for a sale until Ace can afford to buy it.  

On his day off Ace usually spends it chilling at home. He might be still young, but the long hours do take a toll on his body from time to time. That is why today he has decided to spend the day playing on his PlayStation with his younger brother over call.  

With his body spread out across the long worn-out brown leather couch, with nothing but basketball shorts hanging low on his waist and a controller in hand he wouldn’t want to spend this day any differently.  

Focused on the screen in front of him, Ace gets startled as his cat jumps on top of him midway through his round.  

“For fucks sake, Kotatsu.” Ace curses out the orange cat as he moves him to his right side. “You scared me, buddy.” Glancing at the not at all small cat, he quickly returns his attention back to the game.  

Kotatsu, though, has something different in mind and doesn't like how his owner has decided to just ignore him. Bumping his little fluffy head in Ace’s arm, the orange cat pats his paws on his owner's hand. The man too focused on the tv screen, continues to ignore the fluffy ball next to him until a loud meow pierce his ears.  

Pushing aside the headphones, Ace glances at his favourite orange fluff ball. “What’s wrong, buddy?” Another meow comes from Kotatsu, who jumps from the couch and goes to his bow. “You hungry?” Ace raises one of his eyebrows. As if he understands his owner’s question, Kotatsu meows back in response. 

Raising his left hand, Ace takes look at the watch on his wrist. “Kotatsu, you fatass.” He exclaims at the orange fluff ball. “You’ve eaten ten minutes ago.”  

Given the fact how many hours Ace spends at work, he has bought an automatic meal feeder for Kotatsu, which refills his bow three times a day, and Ace always make sure that the automatic feeder is filled with Kotatsu favourite food.  

Kotatsu lets out an agonising yowl to which Ace rolls his eyes and puts his controller to the side. “Yo, Luffy. I’ll be back in a second.” He says on the microphone before he takes off the headphones, and makes his way to the kitchen, the hungry cat making his way after him.  

Opening the cupboard where all of Kotatsu’s food and treats are, Ace sighs at the variety of snacks he has for his cat. “You know, I’m spoiling you a bit too much.” He turns to look at the fluff ball which has a very special place in his heart.  

Kotatsu just stares at him with his big round and uncommonly dark cat eyes. “Stop giving me this look.” Ace shakes his head as another begging meow comes from the impatiently waiting cat. “You’re getting your treat. No need of giving me pupp-, sorry, kitten eyes.” Taking one of his favourite cat snacks, Ace goes back to where Kotatsu’s bow is and fills half of it with it. The orange cat quickly runs to the bow and starts to eat his favourite snack.  

Putting back the snack in the cupboard, Ace returns to the couch to continue his game. “Okay, I’m ba-” He is about to put on his headphones when he hears the doorbell. This is strange, he is not expecting anyone. “Never mind. Give me a minute.” He says to the microphone, his brother whining from the other side.  

Ace doesn’t expect anyone today nor he has ordered anything. If someone is to visit him, they would have let him know. Maybe it is some of these annoying people who wants to sell you something you will never need. It is a surprise how they still do this kind of job nowadays considering how everyone buys from the internet. 

Not bothering to check who it is standing on the other side of the door through the peephole, Ace swings the door open. Seeing who is standing in front of him, his whole mood changes from unbothered to slightly annoyed. “The fuck is you doin' here?” It is the last person he expects to see standing in front of him, yet he is not surprised at all by their sudden unexpected visit.  

“Wow, hello to you as well Ace.” Isuka tells him with a roll in her eyes. Instead of giving him any explanation for her sudden and unwelcomed visit, she pushes him to the side and walks in like she owns the place, making her way to the living room.  

“Uh yea, you can come in Isuka, you’re so welcome.” Ace yells at her, shutting the door with irritation. He has forgotten how presumptuous his ex-girlfriend can be when she wants too.  

Turning around to face him, once he has entered the living room, Isuka gives Ace a little mocking pout. “What? You’re not excited to see me?” Crossing her arms over her chest she teasingly raises one of her brows.  

Ace leans on the doorframe and imitates her as he crosses his hands in front of his chest. “Can’t you see all the excitement pouring out of me?” With indifference in his face and voice he sarcastically asks her.  

Clicking with her tongue, she takes her black leather bag off her shoulder and throws it on the couch. “Come on, Ace.” She calls him out as she leans on the back of the couch. “Don’t act like you don’t miss me.” Running her eyes all over his body, Isuka gives him a sweet smile.  

Taking better look at her, Ace will be lying if he says that she doesn’t look good. Her bright ginger hair cut nicely in a bob style, dressed in short denim dress, which hugs every curve of her body and shows off her long bare legs, with black boots up to her knees she does look very good today. But that is all – she just looks good.  

Nothing in her sparks Ace's interest nor makes him feel something for the woman standing in front of him, which is quite relieving for him. If she has come back seven months ago or even more, he doesn’t exactly remember how long it has been since they last saw each other, maybe then he would have fallen for her tricks, but now none of it will work.  

“Why are you here Isuka?” Pulling away from the doorframe, Ace goes to the other side of the couch where the headphones are and turns them off, not wanting his brother to hear whatever he and his ex are about to talk about.  

With a shrug of her shoulders, Isuka gives him an innocent look. “Can’t I stop by to see how my favourite ex is doing?”  

“No, not really.” Ace tells her as he takes a seat on the couch. His eyes full of disinterest, eyebrows a bit frowned and lips on a tight line. “Go on, say what you want. No need of all the act you’ve probably prepared.”  

“Ouch.” She says, pushing herself away from the back of the couch to take a seat herself. “You see, that is what I miss about us, Ace. How brutally honest we are with each other.” Crossing one leg over the other she leans her back on the cushion behind her.  

“You mean how toxic we are with each other.” Ace corrects and gives her a ‘try again and better’ look.  

“Come on, Ace.” Tilting her head slightly at Ace, Isuka looks at him under her lashes. “Act all tough and disinterest as you want, but I know that deep down you miss me like crazy. You can lie to yourself, but I’m the person who knows you better than anyone will ever will.”  

Ace can be enormous asshole if he wants to, but he counts to ten this time before he tells Isuka to fuck off. “As much as you women believe that us men are actually more thoughtful and deeper than we actually let you see.” He leans on his elbows on his knees and looks Isuka straight in the eyes. “I’m really sorry Isuka, but I must burst your bubble and tell you, that we’re in fact very simply wired, and when I tell you that I do not miss you at all, I do not miss you at all.” He shrugs like he is sorry for what he just has said to her, but in fact he is just mirroring her arrogant behaviour.  

“Is there someone in your life currently?” Isuka completely ignores what Ace has told her and moves a bit too closer (for his liking) next to him.  

“It’s none of your business, Isuka.” A slightly irritation can be heard in the tone of his voice, as he leans back on the couch, spreading his arms and props them on the back.  

Moving even closer to him, Isuka raises one hand and runs the fingertips of it over Ace’s broad, hard muscles chest. “So, it has been some time since you’ve been with somebody other than me.” Her smile grows big, and so does her confidence, because knowing Ace she is more than a hundred percent sure that he hasn’t slept with anyone after her.  

Glancing at her with his peripheral vision and seeing her smug smile, Ace takes Isuka’s hand away from his body and turns his head slightly towards her. His gaze changes from disinterest and irritation to smugness, the corner of his lips slightly turning up. “I think the answer to this question might hurt your ego.”  

Isuka pulls away from him. The smug smile she has had on her face is gone and now a frown is formed between her eyebrows. “So, you are seeing someone?”  

Rolling his eyes, Ace sighs loudly. “No, Isuka.” He tells her harshly. “I’m not seeing anyone, and I don’t plant to see anyone anytime soon, this includes you as well.” 

“But you’ve slept with someone else?” Her sweet sultry voice is now harsher.  

“No, Isuka I haven’t.” Ace looks away for a slight second cursing himself out. Why did he lie? There is no reason to lie to her, but also, he doesn’t feel like giving her any explanations for his personal life, which she is not part of anymore. “Now if you don’t plan to tell me why you came here unannounced, you can leave.” His patience with her is wearing thin.  

“Well, I guess I have no other choice left but to get straight to the point.” She murmurs, looking away from Ace her eyes lands on Kotatsu who passes by the coffee table, completely ignoring her and jumping straight to Ace’s lap. ‘This fucking cat’ Isuka thinks to herself.  

The orange fluff ball has never been a fan of her, whenever she had stayed over at Ace’s place when they had a thing, Kotatsu would even hiss at her at times when Ace wasn’t around.  

“Isuka, I don’t have the whole day.” Ace tells her without looking at her, but the cat in his lap as he gently pets Kotatsu on the head.  

“Oh, I bet your schedule for the day is full.” She rolls her eyes, unable to withhold her snarky comment.  

“Pretty much, yes.” Ace replies calmly, ignoring her snorting.  

Noticing how she is not going anywhere with this attitude and seeing how the chance of him giving her what she wants is slowly slipping through her fingers, she quickly changes her tactics.  

With a head hanged low, she looks away from Ace for a second before she speaks up. “I miss you, Ace.” Her voice gets quieter and almost sad. “I miss everything about you and us. I think if you give me the chance I can change your mind.” Ace doesn’t say anything and lets her continue, even though he knows to what she is referring to by ‘changing his mind’. “I’m almost twenty-nine, and I know what I want, and that I want it with you, but I know how much you don’t want this, but what I’m about to ask you, I beg you to consider it before you tell me no.” She looks at him with her big light hazelnut eyes.  

“Isuka…” Ace lets out a deep sigh. “I’ve already told you that nothing can change my mind and I don’t want anything serious with you or anyone else.”  

Ace has been sure that the last time they had spoken months ago, he made himself clear that he doesn’t want to settle down. He doesn’t want a relationship; he doesn’t want to ever get married nor have children. He wants none of this life.  

“I know, I know.” Isuka whines in despair. “But hear me out.” She begs. “I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now, and I think I came up with the perfect solution for both of us, without needing to be together, but still having some part of the other in our lives.” Moving closer to Ace once again, she takes his right hand and places it on her cheek, while his left hand is still on Kotatsu. “Oh, how I missed the warmth of your body.” She whispers as she presses his hand closer to her cheek and holds it stronger when she feels Ace trying to pull it away.  

Lifting Kotatsu and placing him on the floor, Ace takes Isuka's hand that she has wrapped around in a strong hold around his and manages to free it. “Isuka the fuck is wron-” 

Without giving him the time to finish his sentence, Isuka interrupts him with a loud and bold statement. “I want you to father my child.”  

Ace freezes on the spot. The last thing he would have imagined hearing someone ever saying to him is – ‘Be my baby daddy.’  

“I know it sounds crazy but hear me out.” Isuka is quick to speak. “You’ve known I’ve always wanted to become a mother, and till this day I do believe that you will be the perfect choice to be the father of my child.” Her tone is more relaxed now. “I don’t want to wait any longer with this step in my life, especially when all the people around me are expecting.” Taking a deep breath, she continues. “That is why I want you to help me with this. It’s up to you if you want to do it the natural way or just by giving me your sperm.”  

Ace just leans on the couch, his face completely frozen as Isuka continues to talk about her ridiculous ‘co-parenting' plan. “And as I said, you can be involved as much as you want, and as I mentioned you will always have a little me by your side for the rest of your life, plus of it’s a boy we can name him whatever you want, but also-” 

“Isuka.” Ace calls her name out, but she chose to ignore him.  

“If it’s a girl we can name her after your mother as I know how much you respect and love her, and on top of it, it’s an uncommon name so it will be unique, and oh my-” 

“Isuka.” Ace turns his head towards her. His voice is now full of warnings for her to stop talking because soon he is about to lose all his patience, if she continues to speak nonsenses like this one.  

“Ace she will be so adorable, with my beauty passing on her, and-” 

Getting up from the couch, with his fingers buried in his dark messy curls, he pulls it by the roots as he tries his best to not lose his sanity if the insane woman next to him doesn’t shut up. “For fuck’s sake, shut the hell up.” He turns around and yells at Isuka, making her startled by his outburst. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” He looks at her in disbelief.  

“I’m just giving you the perfect solution for your life.” She shrugs, not understanding why he has gotten this mad. She has expected him to react harsh at her suggestion, but not that harsh.  

“The perfect solution for my life?” Ace repeats her words, pointing his hands towards himself.  

“Yes, Ace.” Isuka raises one of her eyebrows up and looks at him like this is the most obvious thing in the world. “Think about it, Ace.” She gets up and walks closer to him. “I’m soon to in my thirties, and you are in your late twenties. You might not want to have children now, but I’m sure you will eventually change your mind, so why not have a child, a family, with someone who already knows you so well and would do anything for you.”  

Eyes widely open, eyebrows frowned and lips slightly parted, Ace is in complete state of disbelief. He knows that Isuka tends to get crazy ideas from time to time and there used to be a time when he liked this about her the most, but this today is the cherry on the top of all the crazy things someone has ever said to him in his life.  

“Isuka, you really are out of your mind.” Throwing his hands in the air, Ace can’t help but laugh. “You really came all the way here thinking that I would say yes to this?” Looking back at her and seeing her she nodding her head throws his mind out of the window. “Isuka, I don’t want to be with you anymore, why the hell would I want to have a child with you?”  

This whole situation is more than ridiculous. At this point, Ace hopes that this is some stupid prank she is trying to put on him. It must be something like a sick joke, because they have had this conversation millions of times.  

This isn’t the first time ever she tries to bring up having a baby with him, but Ace has made it clear since they have met – he doesn’t want to be a husband or a father. He likes his bachelor life and plans to keep it this way as long as he is alive.  

“Why not l, Ace?” She is getting irritated. “Is it because of your major daddy issues? Just because you don’t want to become a father one day, it doesn’t mean that you won’t turn into your dad.” Isuka knows what and where his weak spots are and tends to attack them whenever she gets the chance to hurt him. “You weren’t the best boyfriend anyway, but I still stuck with you.”  

“We were never official.” Ace coldly reminds her.  

“Keep telling yourself this if it helps you sleep at night.” She rolls her eyes. “The point is that I can help you overcome these fears of failure, if you let me.” Stepping even closer to him, she takes advantage of him being lost in his thoughts and places her hands on his chest, his skin warm as always. “I know you, Ace.” She whispers. “I’ve told you before when you’ve let me in here.” She pokes right in the middle of his chest, where his heart is beating fast, with her finger. “You don’t want a happy stable life because you fear of turning into your own father, but with the right person by your side you will not follow his path.”  

A reassuring smile is placed on her face as she looks up at Ace whose eyes are looking down at her. Seeing that her words have affected him, she raises on her tiptoes, leaning to place a kiss on his cheek, but Ace dodges it and takes her hands off him.  

Neither of them says anything. They just stare at each other.  

“Isuka…” Ace is the one to break the silence. “This might have worked on me before, but not anymore.” His deep dark brown eyes are empty. The tone of his voice is stone cold, but surprisingly even for Ace, quite calm. “You really thought that using my own traumas on me will get you what you want? You really think I’m this stupid?” A bitter chuckle escapes his lips. “I’ve moved on a long time ago and I think you must do the same.” Walking to the side where her bag is he holds it in his hand and hands it to her. “Have some self-respect and make a favour to both of us and just forget about me, and mostly the fact that there won’t be anything ever again between us.”  

His hand is still in the air, waiting patiently for Isuka to take her bag and leave his place and life once and for all.  

Tears of anger starts to build up in her eyes as she walks to him and snatches her bag from his hand. “Remember this day, Ace.” She says with a voice full of spite and venom, her finger pointing out at his face, his face indifferent to her actions. “You will regret turning me down later in your life, and you will come begging me to give you another chance, but it will be too late.”  

Ace doesn’t even bother to look at her when she storms out of his apartment with a loud bang of the door following her as she shuts it close.  

Falling into the sofa, with his face buried in the pillows he lets out a loud deep groan from the bottom of his chest. His head is aching. Isuka is definitely right about one thing – she does know him, and by this, Ace means that she knows how to take all the life and energy out of him. Right now, Ace feels like he has been through twenty-four hours shift in which the whole city is burning, and he is the only one there to put out the fire.  

Noticing his owner’s distress, Kotatsu jumps on the couch and bumps his head with Ace’s, seeking his attention. Lifting his head slightly, Ace looks at one of his favourite beings on the Earth. “Hey, buddy.” Reaching with his hand, he gently scratches Kotatsu behind his ear. The orange fluff ball turns its head to the side and licks the palm of Ace’s hand.  

A small, tired smile spreads across the edges of Ace’s lips. “You know Kotatsu…” He softly chuckles. “Finding you was the best thing to happen to me.”  

As if he understands him, Kotatsu nestles his little head in the crook of Ace��s neck and starts purring while trying to help his owner.  

While the fluff ball is cuddled up to him, Ace can’t help but repeat over and over Isuka’s words in his mind. What she has said is not true at all, but it still has managed to strike an unpleasant heavy feeling in his chest. A heavy feeling that he despises to have.  

The past week has been quite busy for Ace. After his crazy conversation with his ex-girlfriend Isuka, the next day he went back to work till today the phone in the station has been ringing constantly. The guys and he have been on their feet in the past eighty-four hours, with barely six hours of sleep in the past three days, with now only twelve hours left until their shift is over.  

Today is a bit quieter than the other days. The weather outside is quite nice; the sun is shining brightly over the city; a light warm wind blows the green crows of the trees creating a nice calm atmosphere around the fire station. A nice sunny day overall. 

Since the morning the phone has rang two times. Thankfully, both times it hasn't been anything life threatening. The first call came from a woman whose child stuck his head in between the fence gap, and the other one was from an old man who has suspected that there might be a gas leak in his home, but it turned out to be a false alarm and it was some rotten eggs he had forgotten to throw away.  

With no current calls the guys have decided to have an early lunch break. Thatch is the one who handles it all the time. The man has an extraordinary talent in the kitchen and none of the guys ever complain about his food. After all every time Thatch cooks it is like a fest in the station.  

In the meantime, while the lunch is being prepared, some of the guys have gone to lay down for a bit, while Marco and Ace have decided to check on the gear and the equipment one more time by the fire truck while chitchatting.  

“I don’t know how you manage to handle such long shifts.” Marco shakes his head as he handles Ace another mask for him to check if the air tank is properly connected to it.  

Ace lightly laughs at him before he puts on the mask on his face and checks the airflow. Taking the mask off, he shrugs. “Don’t act like you’ve never done the ninety-six shifts.”  

“Of course, I’ve done it, but till this day I find it crazy that you only do this and sometimes even more hours.” Marco chuckles. “Why don’t you change to twenty-four to forty-eight hours?”  

Marco is one of Ace’s closest friends and he cares about the young man’s health very much. It has bothered him for quite some time that Ace is wasting his prime years on work, which is both physically and mentally tiring despite of what age you might be.  

Marco and Thatch are always able to read him. When they saw how stiff and tense Ace was at work the day after his fight with Isuka (then unbeknown to them that this was the reason behind his bad mood), they knew something had happened. After a lot of nagging from Marco and Thatch, Ace told them about what had happened between him and his at this point crazy ex-girlfriend. It is pointless to say that both men were left speechless after they heard the story. It was only Thatch that made a comment among the lines - ''Ace always manages to get the crazy chicks.'', and despite it being just a joke, there was a lot of truth behind it.  

Clicking with his tongue, Ace leans with one elbow on the side of the truck. “It’s not like I have anything else to do. At least at work I’m doing something.”  

Ace doesn’t have a big social circle outside work. Sure, he does have quite lot of friends, most of them being from work anyway and he does see them almost every day, and the ones he has outside work he doesn’t feel the need to see them so frequently. He has become a firefighter six years ago, and for four years now, he has his schedule requested to be based on the 'ninety-six to forty-eight hours workplan', in which he works four full days in a roll with two days off, and so far, it works perfectly for him. 

When he and Isuka were together, this was something that used to bother her a lot. The fact that Ace always prioritised work over their “relationship” had been an issue many times. In the beginning when they met, he had made it clear to her that the job would be always a bigger priority than she would be, and at first, she admired his dedication until she found herself spending days, if not sometimes weeks, without hearing anything from him.  

But this is the life Ace has chosen, and he is happy with it. He is happy and content with how his days go by, the people he is surrounded by, the lovely fluff ball he has at home and the job he has and love. He won’t change it for anything.  

“We always have something to do here, but you’re in your prime. You need to go out and have fun.” Marco copies Ace as he leans on the side of the fire truck, crossing his arms over his chest.  

“How are things at home?” Ace changes the subject. Despite the content he has with his life, he always avoids thinking much about it, and recently his usual peace has been disturbed, and it has started to bother him a bit how people tent to tell him what might be better for his own sake.  

“As good as they can be with three kids and all of them being in different ages.” A small laughter escapes Marco’s lips as he looks away for a moment. The images of his kids playing in his mind. Running his hand over his blonde hair he pulls it a but as he looks up at the ceiling. “It’s crazy to think that Sofie will be sixteen soon.”  

Ace’s eyes widen. His eyebrows raise from what he hears. “Sixteen? No, man. You’re messing with me.”  

“I wish, Ace. I wish…” Marco sighs. A half-bitter but loving smile makes its way to the corner of his lips. The realisation of his little girl growing up so fast still hard to comprehend.  

Still shocked by the realisation of how much one of his best friends’ daughters has grown, Ace says out loud. “I swear it was like yesterday when I first met her and she was like – what? Eight? Nine?” The memory of the small shy girl he has met years ago surfaces in his mind. With her blonde hair and eyes same colour as her father, she used to be a copy of Marco when she was little.  

Last time Ace had seen her was three weeks ago when he stopped by their house to take Marco’s youngest son – Mike for a few hours to look after him; after all he had promised him an ice cream once he was no longer sick.  

That is when he last has seen Sofie, who now looks more of a mix of her father and mother, than just her father, but the fact that it has been seven years since Ace first has met the kid is crazy.  

Marco takes a second to think before responding. “I think she was eight.” Marco says.  

Whistling, Ace shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe how fast the time went by.” 

“Imagine how crazy is for me.” Marco chuckles. “It’s like yesterday when her mother told me she is pregnant with her, and to know that soon it will be sixteen years since I first held her in my arms is just heartbreaking and unbelievable at the same time.”  

Ace smiles at his friend, admiring the love he has for his family, but then he raises one of his eyebrows in confusion. “Wait, haven’t you and Jolene been together for twenty something years? Didn’t you become a dad in your thirties? Like didn’t you waited for the kids a bit, I’m sure you’ve told me this.”  

Laughing at the confused face of the hot-headed raven head in front of him, Marco shakes his head. “Oh, Ace.” He exclaims between laughter. “Jolene and I have been married for twenty-two years, but we’ve been together for twenty-nine -” Counting in his head, a big smile spread across Marco’s face. “Thirty in five months. We’ve had Sofie four years after we married.”  

Trying to do the math in his head, Ace just waves his hand around, brushing the subject off, but not before messing around with his friend first. “Don’t worry, man.” He swings his hand and places it on the blonde man’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Soon these memories will be your safe place as boys start knocking at the door asking for Sofie.”  

Marco glances with a roll of his eyes at Ace. “Not funny, Ace. It’s not the boyfriends that will come the scary part; it’s what boys want at that age that I’m afraid off.” Shaking his head, Marco takes off his glasses and press his fingertips to his temple. “Knowing how emotional Sofie is, I don’t think I’ll be able to watch her heart being broken by some stupid boy.”  

Letting go of his shoulder with a pat, Ace pushes his body from the fire truck. “Come on, Marco. These are normal things all kids must go through at some point. She’ll be fine.”  

“Who will be fine?” Thatch’s loud voice fills the place as he enters it with a big grin on his face.  

“Sofie is turning sixteen soon and Marco is worried about her future boyfriends.” Ace looks at Thatch as he nudges Marco on the side with his elbow.  

“Easy to say, Ace.” Marco chuckles as he glances at his friend with eyes a bit filled with annoyance, but voice with a slight note of mocking. “If you have a daughter one day, you won’t be so calm about it. Tell him Thatch.” Knowing what it is to have a teenage daughter himself, Thatch nods with sympathy at his friend.   

Turning away from them, Ace puts back some of the equipment they have taken out of the fire truck with a mocking laughter.  

“Don’t worry, Marco.” Thatch comes closer to the guys, his eyes on Ace’s back. “One day we will be the one making fun of him.”  

Hearing this, Ace turns his head to the side and gives the men next to him a big smug smile with a click of his tongue. “You see, here gentlemen, you are pretty wrong. As I’ve said it millions of times, I plan to have no daughter or son of mine, so such problems won’t exist in my life.” His smile grows even bigger as he winks at them, their cocky smirks matching his.  

“Keep talking like this and just for the jokes of it, you will end up with both.” Marco mocks him.  

“Yea, sure.” Ace sarcastically chuckles.  

Thatch opens his mouth to say something when his eyes lands on their boss coming in. “Pops’ here.” He tells Ace, making him look over his shoulder at the direction from which the Fire Chief of the station comes.  

All three men stand straight and nod with their heads to show respect to their Chief – Edward Newgate the man everyone in all the fire stations around the city look up to and respect. He is a man with a lifelong experience at saving people's lives and extinguishing fires. For a man in his early sixties, he is in a quite good shape for his age – good looking, with tall broad muscular body, and his iconic white moustache which no one has seen him without it.  

“Hello boys.” The Chief’s deep authority voice greets them. “Pretty quiet today, isn’t it?” The man looks around as he places his hands on the side of his torso.  

“Please don’t say this Pops.” Marco begs the man with a desperation in his voice. “We all know what happens next after we complain about how quiet is.”  

The elderly man’s laughter fills in the space. “True, true Marco.”  

Every time someone makes this comment the phone starts ringing like crazy for the rest of the day like an apocalypse has taken over the city.  

“Good thing we’re always busy, right Pops?” Ace clicks with his fingers and points to Chief Newgate for a backup to his reverse phrase of the matter.  

“Always busy.” The man in charge nods. “Thatch, lunch’s ready?” His eyes shift to the man who’s cooking skills the Fire Chief loves.  

Spreading wide open his hands, the man in charge of the kitchen when he is on duty proudly says, “Ready and waiting for you guys.”  

“Perfect, but before we go and devour the food-” Now the Chief’s focus shifts to Ace. “I need you to follow me to my office.” Nodding his head towards the staircase leading to the office upstairs, Chief Newgate turns and makes his way there.  

Before Ace follows him, he exchanges a glance with his colleagues who encouragingly nod at him to go and see what the Chief might be wanting to see him for. “I’m sure it’s about the promotion.” Marco tells Ace, who he takes one deep breath as he slowly makes his way to his boss.  

Watching him disappearing slowly from their view, Thatch crosses his hands over his chest and proudly nods at the direction where Ace has been a seconds ago. “He is getting this promotion.”  

“Of course he is!” Marco agrees confidently. “Let’s go eat.” He puts his hands over Thatch’s shoulders and gives them a hard squeeze, making the man dramatically hiss from pain. “You’ve better made much food, because we’re definitely receiving good news in a few minutes.”  

Shaking Marco off his shoulders Thatch starts walking towards the kitchen. “Easy there, these shoulders are not made of ste-” 

“Excuse me!” A trembling female voice calls up from behind. The sudden interruption makes the two men turn around and their eyes lands at a girl standing by the entrance of the garage door.  

It takes a second for Thatch to recognise you, his eyes widen at the sight of you. “Holy shit!” He whisper-screams to Marco. Turning his head to him, Marco gives Thatch a questionable look. “That’s the girl who Ace slept with a month or so ago. The runaway girl.”  

Raising his eyebrows in supersize, Marco adjusts his glasses better and steals a quick glance at you before looking back at Thatch. “This is her? You sure?”  

“Can't mistake this face.” Thatch laughs as he pushes Marco to the side and makes his way to you. “Hey, there. What brings you here?” As he stands now closer to you with his hand reaching out you recognise him immediately – this is Ace’s friend from the night you met, the one who hit on Boa, but as much as you try to remember his name it doesn’t pop up in your mind.  

Taking his hand in yours, you give him a small polite smile. “Hey, nice to meet you again.” It is nice to see him here, because it won’t be so strange to ask him for Ace. An awkward silence takes over and as your heart is beating fast in your chest, the man in front of you catches your attention as you lock eyes and points at your hand which hasn’t let go of his yet. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” You immediately let go of his hand and take a step back.  

Looking everywhere but at the man in front of you, you are a rack of nerves and as much as you try to hide it, both men in the garage notice your frightened wandering eyes.  

Marco walks over to Thatch and with a very calm voice calls for your attention. “Hey, are you okay? Do you need help?”  

This is harder than you thought it would be. Taking a deep breath in, your mouth runs dry and somehow speaking becomes a very difficult task to do. “N-no, I-I’m fine. Thank you.” Tracing your shaky hand over your forehead you can feel a cold sweat starting to form on your skin.  

Thatch and Marco share concern and confused looks between each other before their attention goes back to you. “What brings you here?” Thatch asks you once again as you have ignored his question the first time.  

Wiping the sweat off your hand in your jeans, you swallow hard as you have no idea how to answer without sounding suspicious or giving away the reason why you are looking for their colleague who has happened to knock you up. “I’m here because…” Coming up with a lie on the spot hasn’t been a strong skill of yours in the past few years. The two men in front of you cross their arms and patiently wait for your answer. “Because…” You drag the word longer and squint your eyes a bit like it will help you come up with something faster. “Because I need to apologise to him.” You babble.  

It is obvious to them that you are lying and so it is to you that they don’t buy it, but after another shared glance between them they look back at you once again, this time a bit more carefully. “Apologise about what?” Thatch asks you, pretending not to know what you mean by this.  

You curse yourself in your mind. Maybe Ace hasn’t told them about your little run away and why would he? What is he supposed to tell his friends – “Yea, I slept with her then the next day I woke up to an empty bed with her panties left behind.” You are not sure for who it is more embarrassing – you or him. You can only imagine how much his friends would have made fun of him if he had told them about what had happened.  

As for Marco and Thatch’s point of view, they don’t want Ace to deal with another crazy woman in his life. Isuka is enough. They don’t want to tell Ace this, but they are sure that she will make a comeback sooner or later, because she is definitely not done with him. Therefore, they can’t let another Isuka to enter his life.  

Noticing their sceptical looks, you are not stupid to continue to lie to them, because if you do, they will think you are crazy and won’t tell you anything about him. “Look-” You tiredly start, your shoulders slumped. “I did something very rude towards him, and I really wanted to apologise for it, and I just wonder if he is at work today and if he isn’t could you please give him my number to contact me.” Slightly swinging your shoulder to move your handbag you open it and look around for a piece of paper and a pen. Finding what you are looking for you take off the pen cap and write down your name and number on it. “Here.” You hand the note to Thatch. “I'm aware that I probably look and sound crazy, but I really need to speak with him, so please, if he is not here, give him this and tell him to call me.”  

There is something very sad and desperate behind your eyes and both men can see it. You don’t seem crazy anymore and the fact that you also acknowage it, makes them believe you that you are not ‘crazy’ about Ace in the same way his ex-girlfriend is. Of course, they don’t buy the whole ‘apology’ story, but something in you is making them believe you that whatever the reason behind your visit here today is, it’s an important one.  

With a sigh, Thatch hands you back the note. “I’m sorry but we won’t give him this.” Your eyes widen, and lips part slightly as you try to think of something to make them give it to him. Seeing your panicked face, Thatch quickly reassures you. “I won’t give it to him, because he is here. If you sit over there and give me a few minutes, I’ll make sure that he will come and you two can talk.”  

Following his hand with your eyes, which is pointing at the bench next to the garage entrance, you let out the breath you haven’t even realised you have been holding. “Thank you.” You whisper to the men, eyes moving from one to the other.  

Slowly making your way to the bench you sit on it. The two men following behind you. “Do you want water or something else?” The blonde man, who you have never met before and you just realise this, asks you politely. “You don’t look good. Are you sure you don’t feel nauseous or sick? It is warm outside after all and such weather can make you feel sick sometimes.”  

You don’t know who this man is, but you can tell by just looking at him that he is a good person. He is right, you do feel nauseous and sick, but the last reason for this is the weather outside, but you cannot tell him this. Instead, you just shake your head. “I’m fine. Thank you though.”  

“Ace is currently speaking with our big boss, but I’ll go and let him know he must come here after he’s done with his meeting.” Thatch informs you.  

“Thank you so much…” You drag your sentence again as you try to remember his name.  

Getting the hint, Thatch lets out a light chuckle. “Thatch. And this is Marco.” He gestures with his hand towards the blonde man next to him.  

“Yes, Thatch.” You smile as finally the name clicked to the face. “I’m sorry, I’m just very bad with names. And nice to meet you, Marco.” You reach out your hand to him as you introduce yourself.  

“We’ll leave you for now, but we'll make sure Ace knows you are here.” Thatch pats Marco on the chest as he nods with head towards the staircase.  

“If you need something let us know.” Marco says before they turn around and leave you alone. “What do you think? Why is this girl here?” Marco turns to Thatch as they are now far away from you, and you cannot hear them speaking. 

“There are only two things that comes in my mind and none of them are good news.” Thatch shakes his head, not liking what might come next. He looks over his shoulder at you and your hunched body on the bench, you are definitely not here with any good news.  

"Like what?" Marco asks as they get to the second floor.  

"Think about it Marco." Thatch lowers his voice as they are walking down the hallway to the Chief's office. "Why would a woman you only met and slept once with might come after you?” The fact that the girl who has run away from her one night stand is now here looking for Ace at his work place is quite concerning, but what is even more alarming is the fact that you seem so stressed and tens that the only reason you might be looking for Ace it must be about something important. And bad.  

Marco's eyes fill with panic as the realisation hits him. "You think she might be..." He doesn't want to finish the sentence and say what it might be it out loud, afraid that if he does it will manifest itself. 

Standing in front of the Chief's office door, Thatch reaches out and knocks on the door, waiting for a response from the other side. “I doubt she is here to have a round two.” Hearing that they can come into the office, Thatch opens the door with a heavy and unpleasant gut feeling in his stomach.  

Ace’s heartbeat is increasing with every step he is taking to the Chief’s office. He knows why he wants to speak with him, but Ace doesn’t want to get his hopes up. As much as he wants to get this promotion, he is aware that there are a few things missing from his resume that might cause a problem in the process of getting accepted to start the preparation of becoming a Captain.  

Shaking his body a bit and jumping on his tiptoes he hypes himself up. “Come on, Ace – you’ve got this.” He tells himself as he cracks his neck to the sides. Inhaling and exhaling deep breaths he stands in front of the office door. “If you get rejected, you can try again next year.” He murmurs, hand reaching for the doorknob.  

Opening the door wide, Chief Newgate looks up from his desk to the young man in front of him. “Come on in, Ace.” The Chief gestures with his hand at him to get inside and sit. Ace nods and takes a step in, closing the door behind him and taking a seat on the chair in front of the desk of the Chief.  

The office is quite small considering how big the station is. The old oak desk is placed in the middle, behind the desk the Chief is sitting on his big comfortable worn out from the years leather chair with a big window, with now open blinders, behind him, and the space around it filled with hanged certificates, awards, and photographs that highlight the achievements and history of the station. The right side of the room is entirely occupied by shelves, filled with folders full of documents and reports from over the years. A whiteboard, covered with important notices, schedules, and reminders stands on the left side of the room, but this time there are three pictures on it one of which belongs to Ace.  

Following where Ace’s attention is stuck the Chief laughs out. “We need to submit a new picture of you, this one is quite old at this point.” Ace glances at his boss for a second and then back at the picture.  

It’s a picture they had taken of him when he first joined the station as a firefighter. Hair even messier than now, his body way more skinner and lacking the muscles he has gained over the past years, and his whole face still having a boyish outlook, especially with the big grin he has spread across his face; he remembers when they were taking their entry pictures the Fire Chief told him many times to stop smiling, but Ace was so happy that he is finally becoming a firefighter that he couldn’t contain his excitement that day, so the photographer and the Chief just gave up and took the picture with him smiling like a kid who just won the biggest teddy bear at the carnival.  

The other two pictures are of two other firefighters who work here at the station. Both of them very skilled and a bit older than Ace, and probably more deserving of the position for the new Captain for one of the teams here. After all they have applied for the position and have been through the other ranks, while all Ace did was to jokingly mention to Pops about promoting him for a Captain and a few weeks later, the man in fact submitted, and personally recommended him for the opening position.   

“Yea, I look more handsome now.” Ace jokingly chuckles as he turns around to face the Chief.  

The Chief’s loud laughter fills up the space. “Till this day it amazes me how someone so reckless like you is so good at his job.”  

Laughing a bit awkwardly from embarrassment Ace runs his hand over his neck, trying to relax his nerves while throwing jokes around. “What can I say, Pops? I’m one in a million.”  

“You sure are Ace. You sure are.” The older man in front of him says with a pride in both his voice and eyes. He still remembers the days when Ace used to be just a volunteer here in the station. Back then Ace was just a young pretty reckless hothead kid, who liked to hang around the fire station and jumping to help the men here anytime they would need help. Then one day out of nowhere he approached the Chief himself and asked him to join his fire station family, and the first thing Edward Newgate did was to laugh at the young man’s face, but then he saw how serious Ace was about it and told him what he must do to become one. A year later Ace became part of the best team in the fire station and now he is among one of the best firefighters in the city.  

“You’ve probably figured out already why I called you in here.” Newgate leans back comfortably on his old chair, the chair making a bit of a squeezing noice from the pressure of his weight.  

“I have a few guesses.” Ace shifts uncomfortably.  

“There aren’t many young guys on the capitan position.” The Chief points out a very obvious fact to his subordinate. “How do you see life in five years Ace?”  

The change of the subject and this question in particular does only make Ace more anxious. Why everyone today is on his head about the future. Shrugging like it is nothing Ace tried to keep his cool under his boss stern stare. “Same old. Hopefully alive and managing to save people when the time to do so calls.”  

“Only this?” Newgate raises his eyebrows, a bit surprise by the indifferent answer he received.  

“What else is there for me to want from life, Pops?” Even if it is a question the way Ace has said it sounds more like a statement.  

“I don’t know, Ace.” Edward Newgate, or how some people like to call him – Whitebeard, is not the type of a man to tell people how to leave their lives. Fire Chief Edward Newgate is the type of person who acceptes everyone and respects the way they want to live their lives. “After all no one can tell anyone how to live their lives nor what choices to make.” 

“Ai, ai Captain.” Ace chuckles with a nod, his eyes drifting back to the white board with the pictures. Biting the inside of his cheeks Ace doesn’t like how this conversation is going so far. He is the type of a man who likes to get straight to the point. Patience is something he is still lacking till this day and if it has been someone else standing in front of him right now he would have told them to cut to the chase. But he can’t tell such thing to the man he holds to the highest respect in his life.  

Chief Newgate knows the young man in front of him very well, like his own son, therefore he can read him as an open book. He knows what he is doing to him currently and that he is impatient to know if he is appoved by the higher ranks to enter capitan level training or not.  

“Do you think you’re ready for the position?” Newgate carefully observes the young man.  

Without a second thought, Ace straighten his posture, his tin dark brows frowned a bit. Seriousness taking over his features. “Of course, I am.” He answers confidently.   

“I never doubt this, boy.” The Chief nods.  

Ace follows the Chief’s next moves with his eyes as he opens the first drawer under the desk and pulls out a big light-yellow envelope, his name written on it – Gol D Ace. “Congratulations, Ace!” The Chief says with a pride in his voice. “The higher ups have decided that you fit the criteria for the position. Your training starts next month. Better start to study, because there is more to read than weights to lift for these exams.”  

Ace is frozen on the spot. His eyes are fixed on the envelope. He can’t believe it. He has been accepted. He might be a capitan by this time in six months if everything goes smoothly. This can’t be real.  

Blinking a few times slowly, he swallows hard as he finally starts to snap out of his trance and reaches out for the envelope. Taking the envelope off the table he holds it in his hands in a strong grip. As much as he hates to see his legal last name written on it, the news are too good so he can ignore it. Looking at the Chief himself with a look that says – “This better not be a joke or else I would die.”as to confirm that this is real the Chief just give him a firm nod.  

With a sharp exhale, Ace finally tears apart the edge of it and opens it, pulling out the confirming documents that he is in fact approved by all the Chiefs of the city. A big grin spreads across his handsome face. He looks back and forth between the documents in his hands and the only man he considers as a role model in his life, with happiness and excitement sparkling in his eyes. “Chief, I don’t know what to say.” 

“Don’t say anything yet, son.” The older man laughs at the child-like excitement of the young man sitting in front of him. “Getting accepted is the easiest part. Getting the position is the hardest.”  

“But still…” Ace chuckles still in disbelief as he looks down at the papers. “If it wasn’t for you this wouldn’t have happened so soon.Thank you, Po-” A knock coming from the door interrupts him.  

Both men turns their attention to the door, but before the Chief lets them in he turns to Ace. “Don’t mention it, Ace.” He then looks back at the door. “Come in.”  

The door opens and two very familiar faces come to their view. “Sorry for the interruption, Chief.” Thatch gives him a quick apologetic look.  

“We’re sorry, but we must let Ace know that someone is waiting for him downstairs and he must go there after you two are done here” Marco tells them the reason why they interrupt their meeting without wasting any time.  

Raising one if his brows, Ace looks between his friends in confusion. Who the hell might be here to see him? Everyone knows to not bother him during his work hours. But there is only one crazy enough person to do so, and he hopes that she hasn’t completely lost her mind to such point.  

“Who is it?” Ace gets up from the chair. The documents in his hand in a strong hold like he is afraid if he drops them the opportunity will slip though his fingers.  

“You better go down and see it yourself.” Thatch says him, the way he looks at Ace tells him enough that it is bad news, and bad news means only one thing recently – Isuka.  

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Ace curses under his nose as he covers his face with the envelope.  

“Anyway, sorry for interrupting again Chief, but the person seems to be really in a need to see Ace.” Thatch gives one last look at Ace, before him and Marco closing the door and disappearing, not giving the chance to neither Ace or their boss to ask more questions.  

Trying to contain his anger as now he is a hundred percent sure that it’s Isuka waiting for him downstairs, Ace turns to the Chief. “I’m sorry. I have no idea who it might be.” He chose to lie because the last thing he wants is to bring up his personal life into work.  

“It’s fine, son. Go on, don’t make the person wait for you. We’re done here anyway.”  

Ace just nods at the Chief and leaves the room in a fast pace. All he can think about while making his way back to the garage is that it is official – Isuka has crossed all the boundaries he has set. If last time he hasn’t made himself clear enough then now he will make sure she understands once and for all. 

Reaching the garage, he walks in with a bang as he throws away the envelope on the coffee table they have by the stairs entrance. He is ready to scream this time. He is furious, but all of this goes away the second he comes from behind the fire truck and freezes on his tracks. Blinking a few times he can’t believe his eyes. Out of nowhere the anger he has felt a few seconds ago is entirely overtaken by embarrassment and confusion. In front of him, by the bench at the garage door, is standing no other person but the girl he would have never expected to see again in his life.

It has turned out that your therapist’s friend works for the biggest fire station in the city, and by a divine chance the man you have been looking for is working there. It has taken you a whole week to gain the courage to come and meet face to face with him once again. As much as you wish you could postpone this inevitable meeting, the time is quickly passing by and you must call Doctor Belladonna by the Tuesday next week, which is in two days, with your decision on whenever you are keeping Dot or not.

Before you come here you have tried to find Dot’s father though social media at least, but there has been nothing, so you come to the conclusion that this man might not have any social media or if he has he doesn’t go by his name.

Now that you are here and he is about to walki in any second now, your nauseous hits you like a truck. Someone comes in and you freeze until you see Thatch’s familiar face and let a sigh of relief.

“He will be here soon.” He informs you, coming closer to you. “Are you sure you’re okay? You does look sick.”

You are not surprised by this remark. Sleep has been an impossible task these days and so is eating, because most of the food you consume gets thrown up. It seems like Dot doesn’t really like what’s on your menu, but you are not entirely sure, because with your anxiety through the roof, it is hard to keep anything in your stomach. The only two thing that seem to hold on to you strongly are Dot and stress.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” You manage to say, avoiding looking at him.

With a sigh, Thatch calls out your name, making you look at him. “Look, I can tell you’re not here because you want to, but because there is reason behind it. But whatever it is, you can relax, because Ace is a good guy and you’re safe here.”

Biting hard on your lip, you slowly nod. “Thank you, Thatch.” You whisper.

“I’m gonna go now as Ace must come any second now. Take care.” He gently pats your shoulder and you just give him a small tight line smile as you watch him leave you alone.

How should you tell him? Should you even tell him now? He is at work, you cannot just tell a man who you have only met once that he might become a father in the middle of his shift.

Placing your hand on top of your stomach you gently rub it. You have caught yourself speaking with Dot quite a lot in the past few days. Dot is a great listener. It has to be because it doesn’t have ears yet, but it might be better that way. You doubt it wants to hear how you are contemplating whenever or not continuing its development.

“How do I tell him about you Dot? Please, if you have any idea in your brainless state hit me up. Apparently, I was in a brainless state when we made you.” You roll your eyes, pissed off at yourself and the man who has gotten you in this situation.

Lost in your thoughts as you gently caress your stomach, a loud noise makes you jump on the spot and just seconds later your heart skips a beat as you jups on your feet, panic overtaking all of you.

The man who you have been looking for in the past three weeks is standing in front of you frozen on his tracks and confused at the sign of you. All you can do is stare back at him. It has to be your pregnancy hormones playing with you because you swear this man has gotten bigger and even more handsome than he has been two months ago. Dressed in a dark compress shortsleeved T-shirt that defines every single muscle on his body, and a pair of causal black uniform pants, this isn’t how you have imagined him in your head or any firefighter. You kind of imagine them wearing their fire uniforms all the time, but by the looks of it so far, when there isn’t any emergencies the men around wear more comfortable clothes.

Shaking your head you scold yourself. This isn’t the moment to analyse the fashion choices of the fire department. Maybe you need to check with your mother if your brain has properly developed before she gave birth to you and if it did, maybe she dropped you a few times as a baby on your head because you are not thinking straight.

Neither of you dare to move or say anything. While you don’t know how to start the conversation, Ace doesn’t know what to think or do because the last person he has expected to see is you. The runaway one night stand. Why are you here? What would you possibly want from him? Seeing that you are not going to say anything any time soon, and Ace not being a man made of patience, he slowly walks up to you and stops just three steps away, giving you and him a space to breathe.

“Hey.” He greets you embarrassedly.

“Hey.” You whisper, unable to find your voice.

Placing his hand at the back of his neck, Ace squeezes the base of it, finding it extremely hard and awkward to initiate the conversation with you. “So… um… what brings you here?”

He is not trying to hide how awkward this is and you are a bit relieved to see and hear that this is as uncomfortable for him as it is for you. Grabbing instinctively a strand of your hair in between your fingers you start playing with it, this helps you a bit to collect your mind and remind yourself why you are here.

Inhaling a deep shaky breath, you start speaking with a trembling voice. “I’m here because I was wondering if we can speak…”

“Speak about what?” Ace narrows his eyes, studying you a bit by observing you. You look like a mess. Still breathtaking beautiful, he would be lying if he says that he doesn’t feel extremely attracted to the way you look, but you look like you might throw up or faint any second now.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you let go of you hair and clear your throat. “I don’t think your job it’s the right place for such conversation and I was wondering if you have a-” Throwing your hands in the air in desperate attempt to find a way to make this conversation go faster and smoother you think of what can be logical to suggest. “I don’t know, a lunch break or something, I have no idea how the firefighting job goes.” You bury your fingers in your hair, pulling it a bit as you walk away from him and out of the garage as even though the place is enormous and everything is open, there isn’t enough air in it for you to breathe in.

Panic is overtaking you not only from the inside but from the outside visibly now, which instinctively makes Ace professional mode turns on and he quickly walks in front of you and gently wraps his fingers around your wrists, pulling your hands away from your hair. “Hey, calm down and breathe.”

Part of being a firefighter requires also being able to perform all kind of first emergency help, one of them being helping a person breathe if they are visibly overwhelmed by panic. He starts to count slowly and lets you know when to breathe in and out.

Slowly your breathing goes back to normal and you can feel yourself calming just a bit, as much as a person in your situation possibly can. “Better?” Ace asks as he lets go of your hands.

Looking at his from under your lashes, you nod. “Yes, thank you and I’m sorry.”

Ace brushes you off with click of his tongue. Due to the state you are currently in, he realises that he cannot just ignore you, and apparently whatever you two must talk about can’t wait for tomorrow. Or can it? “Can’t this wait until tomorrow?”

It can, but you are not sure that you can handle another night of guessing what this man reaction might be, and how it will affect the decision you are about to make. “It can…” You says as you look away. “But if there is a way that we can speak about it sooner, it would mean the world to me.” You don’t dare to look at him. He has all the right to deny you and you must continue to suffer the consequences of your own actions.

Right now is quiet, if Ace speaks with his boss he will most likely let him go away for a bit. Sighing tiredly, Ace nods more to himself than you. “Fine, just give me a moment.” He tells you and walks away without giving you any chance to say anything more.

While he makes his way around the station to look for Chief Newgate, a very unpleasant feeling starts to form in his stomach. This can’t be good. He knew it that this day can’t be real and you popping out of nowhere just proves it. Getting accepted for a promotion – great. A girl you fucked two months ago showing up at your work place almost having a panic attack in front of you – not great at all.

By the way you look it must be only one thing – you must have tested yourself and found out that you are HIV positive and now he might be too. That night he has slept with you is the last night he will ever be sleeping with a woman he doesn’t know at all. This is what happens when he lets his dick takes over his mind – a complete mess.

END NOTE: Uh, poor Ace he has no idea what it’s coming on his way… anyway he will live don’t worry, haha. I hope you like the little insight I gave you of his last relationship and a bit of his personal life in this chapter. With time there will be more things to reveal, just have patience. Also this chapter was so hard to title… and I’m still not satisfied with it… but I hope you like it. Another thing is that I have read so much about firefighters in the past few weeks so everything is accurate that my fyp on tiktok is only about firefighters hahah.

I’m quite excited for the next chapter as it will be a roller coaster of emotions for both Ace and Reader, but until then feel free to share your opinion about this chapter and the story so far. Feel free to like, comment, reblog and message me as it helps the story reach more people ♡ Thank you all again ♡

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writing, format, header & dividers © cinnamoonblue fanart by @usa_rinko_ on Twitter/X ©cinnamoonblue, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[brooklyn-duo]

Steve scowls and has to clench his fists so tight he can feel his nails digging into the skin of his palm and he stalks forward, “Don’t you blame your shit on me Tony, And don’t you put fuckin’ words in my mouth you-,” he starts but when Tony tries to leave, he acts without thinking even as much as he had wanted to avoid a fight and try to defuse this. He steps forward easily and takes hold of Tony’s arm and stops him, “Oh no you don’t; you don’t get to just come in here, dump all your shit on me, then walk out like that,” he snaps, pulling him back enough to stand between him and the door,

Which was good, because Bucky was in the hallway on the other side of Steve’s office door. He’d sent the message to Tony about dinner tonight and then decided to come ask Steve if he wanted to train. He knew how much Steve hated debrief paperwork after an assignment and he was more than recovered enough to be able to train thanks to the serum and the accelerated healing. He figured it would be good for both of them, especially with what happened the day of the surgery. There were still things that needed to be said and cleared up and they always managed to work through things easier when they trained together rather than in a sit down conversation.

But when he’d been walking up the hall, he’d heard the raised voices, and it had made him come to a halt just a few feet from the door. He recognized Steve’s voice saying that he was sorry about something and then ‘if you think he’s ever going to leave you for someone else..’ and he can only stand and listen in confusion. At least until he hears the next voice, and he immediately recognizes that it was Tony, which makes him realize that Steve had been talking about Bucky when he walked up. He barely has a chance to process that before he’s trying to understand what Tony was saying. He was confused, he never really thought of himself as having one night stands. Alleyway dalliances weren’t what he would call one night stands, and he had dated women pretty often before the war, even gone steady a few times. So he wasn’t sure if he’d misled Tony or explained poorly at some point. But he does know he never said that he thought dating wouldn’t work. He was happy with what they had but he wonders if somehow he’d made it seem like he also didn’t want more? Bucky doesn’t know what to do so he can’t help but overhear what Steve’s says next as he stands frozen in the hall.

Steve was glaring at Tony with more anger than he’d ever felt towards him, his teeth clenched hard enough that his jaw was starting to ache as he tried to figure out how to address everything Tony had spat at him. “I don’t know what I did to make you think that I had this..this shitty image of you in my head, but it cannot all be coming from the fact I didn’t tell you about your parents. Maybe i think you’re reckless sometimes and we’ve clashed over how to handle missions, but jesus christ, i’ve never thought you were actually an asshole. Ever. I said two things, knee jerk reactions, which I already apologized to Bucky for. I told him I was happy for him, and i am, and that whatever happened that I would support it, because I will. I don’t know what the hell you mean by seeds of doubt about you, or that I’ve poisoned him? I don’t know how two stupid things that I said could have done all that, especially…i mean i saw how you two were in the recovery room, and..” Steve seemed on the verge of softening before he fully processed the last few things Tony said.

“Fuck you Tony, I don’t judge you for how you live your life. I was momentarily worried about my best friend but that doesn’t mean that I’m judgmental. I don’t care if you think I’m lying to you or to myself, it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t. We don’t agree on everything, we clash like…like this all the time,” he gestures angrily between them, “but we both had misconceptions about each other. You called me a lab experiment gone wrong, everything special about me came out of a bottle, right? And I thought you were a rich jerk, and then after Loki I knew I was wrong. I didn’t see you as a jerk or as an entitled showboater. We might have disagreed but I always trusted you to have my back, and maybe I ruined it by keeping that secret. But I told Bucky what I truly thought about you when we spoke after his surgery. I told him he should trust you, that he should be upfront about how he feels. I told him that I know that you’re a good guy, that you were my friend and that i care deeply about you too, not just Bucky, that you deserve to be loved and to feel safe, and that i would love to see you both happy together. But I know you won’t believe anything i say anyways so I don’t-“

“He’s telling the truth”

Steve hadn’t even noticed the door opening behind him, and he falls silent as he hears Bucky. He looks back at him startled but then steps aside to let Bucky speak directly to Tony, his hands shoved into his hoodie pocket, the MIT hoodie that he may or may not have commandeered from Tony.

“Tony he’s telling the truth, he did say those things. And it’s not Steve’s fault really, that I…the state I was in after my surgery. He might have played a part in my anxiety getting worse but i was already extremely anxious because of the procedure. If it had been a normal day, he wouldn’t have triggered me nearly as much or even at all. And he did apologize, he took it back as soon as he could, and he said all those things and more to encourage me. He’s the reason I didn’t try to hide it from you that night, and he’s the one that was able to explain why I wanted to do things for you even though you don’t need me to. Tony I..I don’t have all the answers on how to fix it but I know this ain’t enough to ruin us, not for me and I don’t think you’ll push me away for it either. I..” Bucky’s voice is wavering and Steve squeezes his shoulder lightly before stepping away to give them a bit of space.

Steve’s eyes flash and he’s starting to forget his resolve in not wanting a screaming match because god was Tony pissing him off. What was he supposed to think when just a few months ago he was constantly at Bucky’s throat about his parents?

“Bucky told you he’s had casual sex before the war? Are you talking about his one offs in the alley? Because that’s not the same as this and you fuckin’ know it. I’m talking about this type of casual, where you’re just friends who have fun once in a while. And as far as I know, he’s never done that before, not for long at least. And sue me for thinking you didn’t want to settle down, you never seemed interested in it with anyone else, that’s just what I saw!”

His eyes narrow at Tony saying he hurt Bucky, as if he didn’t know that. As if he didn’t see that hollow look in his eyes from the diner in his mind even now. His arms drop from being crossed and his hands clench into fists at his side because he knows Tony’s right about how he hurt Bucky and he hadn’t meant to.

“Fuck you Tony. I know I upset him, I know that I triggered him and I’m still beating myself up for that so i don’t need to hear it from you to. But that’s not the kind of hurt I’m worried about from you. I’m worried he’s going to get his heart broken, and you cannot stand there and act like you’ve never broken anyone’s heart, even if it’s been unintentional. You’re acting like I sit there in that diner and shit on you intentionally.”

He takes a deep breath and turns back to Tony with anger but also exhaustion in his eyes. He’d just come back from an assignment , hence doing the debrief paperwork, and he didn’t want to fight. “I was shocked. I didn’t take the time to process and I said something when I was angry. I jumped to a conclusion and I’m sorry for that. But you’re a goddamn idiot Tony. It’s not that I think he deserves better than you. I see how happy you make him, that’s all I want for him. I don’t know what you think that I think of you but you’ve got it all wrong. I don’t think you’re..” he falls quiet and shakes his head to himself, “forget it. Doesn’t matter what I say. I get that. If you don’t think we’re friends..that’s my fault. If you think I hate you and that’s why I said anything to Bucky..I’m sorry, I don’t know how to convince you that it isn’t true. If you think he’s ever going to leave you for someone else, that’s between you and him. But that isn’t the sort of thing he’d do.”

[alexanderlightweight]

Hello! I’m late to the party today but I have arrived!May I please prompt an update on the not all who wander are lost verse? If that doesn’t go well with your blend of tea for today how about something where Alec siblings realize he’s gone and won’t clean their mess/ he does this much?!? I imagine that at the same time Alec’s subordinates would now be realizing they answer to his siblings and there is P a N i C! Wherever That would fit NSFW/SFW doesn’t matter I trust your vision

here we go! and i do love working on a soulmate fic so i could not resist going with the first bit of the ask, last part here

<3 lumine

not all who wander are lost

Magnus does not fuck him.

Magnus tucks Alec into a comfortable bed with a comforter that feels soft and weightless across his skin.

And then he tucks himself in as well and just holds Alec.

Alec isn’t sure how to handle being held so preciously, so tenderly.

Magnus hushes him every time he tries to offer to do something or even just to get Magnus to kiss him again.  Instead Alec is soothed and petted and coddled and Magnus just lays there with him, a hand on the pulse of his wrist and an ear to the beat of his heart, or lips to the pulse of his neck.

“I was led to believe that you didn’t exist.” Magnus tells him quietly after at least an hour has passed, “that I was unworthy of such a gift.”

Alec doesn’t think he qualifies as a gift but he’s certainly not going to disavow Magnus of that notion. Especially because Magnus seems so earnest.  As if having Alec as a soulmate really does make his life better and not worse.

Alec’s already agreed to stay but that doesn’t mean he completely understands how invested Magnus is.

This gentleness goes beyond what he’d expected.

Beyond what he could comprehend.

Wouldn’t it make sense, for someone as covetous and protective as Magnus to finish sealing the bond immediately? Sex is the easiest way and yet Magnus just keeps him close and breathes him in and gluts on the fact that Alec is alive.

“I have plenty of time to fuck you.” Magnus murmurs, as if he knows where Alec’s thoughts have turned. “Let me savor the first time I’m holding you in my arms while you’re awake and aware. When I’m not uncertain whether or not you’ll ever truly wake up.”

And how can Alec do anything but happily melt for such a declaration.

Any hope of pretending he wasn’t happily melting for Magnus disappears then and there and Alec gives up and holds Magnus just as desperately as he wants to.

“I wanted you too.” He whispers back. Because he shouldn’t have but he did. He never wanted a soulmate because he’d been told his soulmate would be a woman. Yet deep down, Alec had dreamt of his being a man. Even as blasphemous as that had been but here and now his soulmate is a man. Can that truly be wrong? If his soul sings for Magnus.

Alec feels the strength of Magnus’ body and lets himself believe in it.

“I was told it was wrong. To never think or hope but I did. I’m sorry I wanted to run. I didn’t want to ruin everything but then I almost did.”

Magnus shushes him, refusing his apology with kisses to his cheeks and brow.

“Darling, fear isn’t rational. You’re injured and overwhelmed and sweetheart you were breaking so bad the magic summoned me to you through angelic protection. I hold no blame for your words or your actions. Of course you were confused. Of course you’d be worried about something you’d worked for your whole  life, or giving up your identity. I let my relief get the best of me as well, Alexander. I handled a few things poorly myself, beloved. Do you blame me?”

Alec is quick to shake his head and event though he can’t reach Magnus’ lips he can pull one of Magnus’ hands up to his mouth so he can kiss Magnus’ knuckles and palm.

“No. You were protecting me and trying to calm me. You weren’t aware of what I did or didn’t know.”

“Then don’t blame yourself either, Alexander. Darling you were in daze for days. Please understand you being awake is a joy I cannot take lightly. Not when I barely had half a conversation with you before you collapsed the first time we met.”

—

Alexander seems to take the reminder of his collapse poorly if the way he further tucks into and around Magnus says anything.

He’s very clingy once he lets himself relax and Magnus delights in. Thrives in the proof that Alexander wants him in turn.

Alexander  presses another, lingering kiss to Magnus’ palm and then starts talking, soft and low as he tells Magnus of a thousand small wounds that ache until Alec is made of nothing but pain.

If Magnus held anything less precious than his soulmate in his arms, the entire cottage would be an inferno. Evidence of his rage but instead Magnus tempers himself. Restricting himself to merely holding Alexander tighter and kissing his cheek and the corner of his mouth as he speaks with reverence.

“There’s a garden with a pond and a lake within walking distance.” Magnus begins to offer his own knowledge, simple and easy things that Alexander can soon witness for himself.  “The meadows are full of foxes and rabbits and deer and the garden full of produce if not a bit wild. There’s a bakery in the local town where I’ve placed a standing order and I can get food from anywhere with a snap of my fingers. It’s not the most conventional place to be, but it will be good for us. If we let it be.”

[confession-of-the-heart]

recent ask makes me realize how poor of a grasp some people have on Saïx’s character

His entire deal is that he started out as an introspective and withdrawn kid who nonetheless had such an intense sense of empathy that he threw his lot in with the organization for the sake of a person he barely knew who was suffering

He lashes out because his relationships have been systematically destroyed specifically by the very man he’s forced to pretend he has fealty to (Xemnas), while the only other person he has any connection left with (Axel) abandons him

He is spiteful and cruel toward Xion in particular because from his point of view, she is literally an inanimate object, a faceless mannequin, and he cannot for the life of him comprehend why either Roxas but especially Axel would express anything approaching care for it when it is obviously beneath even the lowliest of Dusks, a shambling facsimile of a Nobody that can’t even fulfill its most basic functions.

By the time of KH2 every remaining personal connection he has is totally destroyed and he has nothing left but to sink into the clutches of the man that’s responsible for all of it, so… what’s left but for him to crash out? He’s a piece of shit but if you read between the lines, the pleasure he’s taking in tormenting Sora is transparently obvious projection about his relationship with Axel along with spite for Roxas, who he’s personally taking out his anger for his ruined life on. Obviously this isn’t a nice trait but you have to consider that the dude has been marinating in intense cult trauma for a decade at this point

…And yet, when Xemnas praises Saïx for his ability to manipulate and exploit the doubts of others, his shoulders fall.

So why on earth would a character like this get a redemption arc, you ask? Easy. He reconnected with his heart following his death. Saïx’s missing heart is such an earth-shatteringly fundamental element of his character, something he takes so much more seriously than any other character, that it shouldn’t be surprising in the least that he would change drastically the minute he gets his heart back, even if it’s only for a fleeting moment.

If it wasn’t already obvious from the context of KH3 itself, Saïx’s character file clarifies and discusses how his acts of atonement in KH3 were not necessarily motivated by wanting to save Roxas or Xion for their own sake: he discusses how he came to see himself as a person who lacked any sort of inherent worth unless Axel needed him. All of his cruelty toward Xion and Roxas and the rest were acts of projection due to extraordinary trauma, because he saw himself as a broken, useless person more so than anyone else. If Xion is a “mirror that reflects” others, Saïx being the only one that sees her as a puppet tells you everything you need to know about him. Every nasty comment Saïx ever makes toward another person is first and foremost a negative description of himself.

So the whole reason he redeems himself, it’s that he was trying to prove that there was still some part of his old self--the young Isa who was a kind person in spite of his aloof nature--that was worth saving. That he wanted to apologize to the boy he used to be by disavowing everything he ever worked toward in the Organization, by sticking his neck out and putting Roxas and Xion before himself, by giving Lea back the people who made his life better in exchange for his own life.

Saïx’s story is that of a child who is made into a monster through no fault of his own, and who is brought back into the light by reconnecting with his own capacity for love.

--Sincerely, Saïx’s defense attorney

~~~

[iwantsoupreallybadly]

im kiki posting under the cut

i dont care if none of you like her i love her and therefore i will post about her

1- the movie Kiki's Delivery Service ! :3

2- remembering her tail :( and then every time i draw it it's different like bro. its your character how are you drawing her wrong

3- her hair !! i love her hair so much the pink bangs with green hair is so crunchy to me

4- fnaf, considering she's a fnaf oc ! but if i had to choose a different one i'd put her in tf2. that might be my next art of her actually. her as a merc would be kind of awesome. maybe she mixes chemicals. what would that be called ?

5- she loves people that know how to have fun !! if you can't take a joke (not as in hateful *says something horrendous* 'i was just joking bro' as in tells gay jokes because she is a gay joke) then she won't be able to hang out with you.

6- she's a robot, so she doesn't heal, but she does get damaged. she keeps jumping off ledges in the arcade (especially those pipes that are all over the walls that she can somehow get up to. it's really a Gregory! how did you get up there??? situation) because she's a cat so therefore she Should Be Able To Land Correctly but she Cannot.

7- full out scene ! studded belts, y2k, everything ! she's a scene queen now and she'd be a scene queen if she was real . :3

8- i think she'd still be scene lol her style would never really go away . in any type of setting i think she'd still find ways to be extra

9- nope ! she is a robot . although i do think that she likes women . not as in would date one, but she definitely thinks women are pretty . gays help me what is this called

10- yes ! she loves Roxanne Wolf . they gossip together and are literally the best duo ever

11- nope ! that comes with Being A Robot

12- nope ! once again . robot. :D

13- gen z humor, i think . i dont know how to describe it . basically just my humor . jeef berky

14- her friends saying they don't like her anymore :( she loves her friends more than life itself . if not DJ Music Man and Roxy, who will party with her ? :((((((((

15- she doesn't eat , but if she did i think it would be Sour Cream and Onion chips . me too girl

16- see my post about her working retail.

17- claws !! she has actual claws that she uses when she dj's to scratch the records back and forth . she kills so many vinyls it isnt funny . do NOT hand her a CD.

18- no , but if she could i don't think she would. not even the scene makeup to go rave .

19- she's 5'9 . she was made shorter than the other animatronics and its comical when she stands next to the DJ, who is about 21 feet tall .

20- she falls asleep sometimes during her dj sets . she has also been known to go to sleep in the middle of the dance floor at night when no one is in the arcade (other than DJMM)

OC ASKS

1- what inspired you to pick that OC's name?

2- what is the most difficult thing about drawing/writing this OC?

3- what is your favourite thing about drawing/writing this OC?

4- if you had to put this OC into an existing world, which one would it be?

5- what is important in a relationship (platonic or romantic) for this OC?

6- does your oc get injured often? How well did those wounds heal?

7- what would your oc wears in a modern setting?

8- what would your oc wears in a fantasy setting?

9- does your oc have a partner/partners?

10- does your oc have a best friend?

11- does your oc have siblings?

12- does your oc have a child/children?

13- what makes your oc laugh?

14- what makes your oc cry?

15- what is your oc favourite food?

16- is your oc good with math?

17- what is your oc weapon of choice?

18- does your oc wear makeup?

19- how tall is your oc?

20- [free question of your choice]

[tactical-jellyfish]

The horrors (drabble) part 1/?

WARNINGS: Injury, monsters, grief, loss. Infection of dubious pathogen, mutation, trauma. Main character death. THIS IS PLANNED TO BE VERY HEAVY ANGST. First person who can guess what horror game inspired this gets a (platonic and very respectful) fat smooch.

There are various noises around you.

The quiet clanging of metal under five sets of boots, the hushed words exchanged between the four of you. Price is giving a final rundown of mission parameters, Ghost and Soap nodding along. Gaz walks next to you, quiet but reassuring.

He reaches a gloved hand out to yours as you approach your own branch of the rig, the metal panels of the hallways bent like some being of unimaginable proportions had made a habit of slamming itself into the walls.

"Just rescue, remember? You're gonna do fine."

Gaz speaks gently to you, voice little more than a whisper in the endless series of clangs and alarms that must have meant something before. You swallow, but nod. "What a first mission this is, huh?" You try to joke. He doesn't laugh, but you score a soft huff through the nose as a consolation prize for your efforts.

"Sure is."

Gaz is quick to find his own branch to look through, and you start moving, albeit slowly.

There is no such thing as pure silence on metal flooring, not unless one is willing to work at a snail's pace, and you're not that person. You settle for a quiet, strolling pace, glancing into the locked rooms where you can and scanning every room that's open.

The first room is upturned and messy. You see greeting cards written in crayon on the desk, and a mug still full of the nasty coffee-dust that remains from too-strong brews.

The next is neater, a typed letter by the bed. Looks like the guy was trying to unionize, good for him.

It's working out well for you, until you turn the corner.

What looks like living muscle grows on the walls, pulsating slowly under the force of a center you cannot see, blood vessels draped over the meat like fairy lights. It's all covered in mucus, and you feel the edges of your vision starting to become hazy, almost dreamlike, when you look at it.

"You!"

The voice makes you snap your head to look at it, and by the hells, you wish you didn't.

The face of what appears to be an old man holds the far end of the hallway captive, one side of a too-pink face drawn down with the weight of bloodied, mutated viscera that trail behind it. It's just a face. That takes up almost the entire hallway.

And then it starts to run at you. Or rather, drag itself forward at alarming speed, on two bent, bloodstained claws.

"GET OVER HERE, OR SO HELP ME-"

A metallic clang chases every footfall as you run for your life from the thing, finding a strange bulge in the wall.

The musculature is there again, and your head throbs in time with its movements, but there is no time to consider anything but going through the almost body-sized gap it offers.

Just big enough for you. Too small for the thing.

You turn your body at just the right time, and when you are on the other side, the creature's cussing devolves into a long, garbled scream.

Breaths come quickly, but you force them to slow. Biting your cheek to cool your heels before realizing that if that monster exists, the other 'anomalies of dubious biological nature' are all of a similar caliber.

Fuck. You have to tell the others about this.

You reach for your comms button, but find that it's not pinned to your chest like it always is.

A glance back at the hallway bulge reveals that it got snagged on a loose rivet, now quickly being absorbed into the phlegmy coating around the muscles, pulled up into a strange, translucent sac of some sort.

Alright, you've gone dark. Keep it together, rookie.

You think to yourself, puffing out a breath as you wipe your hand on your shirt, trying to think of some alternate route out without disturbing the face monster.

It might be good to find somewhere to hide, but you spot a map in the corner of the hallway.

Thank god you carry a sharpie on you, or this would be a lot worse.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

All it takes is a bit of deductive logic (and a couple whiffs of sharpie smell) to find where the boys are, but it's no comfort that you've been gone so long.

The face monster was fast. Too fast. No one could outrun it for long. If the other things on this rig were like that, the odds weren't good.

The route back to your starting point takes you past the laundry room.

Machines don't rattle with clothes, but a new creature stands in front of one of the larger dryers, fiddling with it to watch it spin.

When the door opens, it is fast to find its way over.

Thankfully, you find your way into a locker before one of those pointy, pointy legs finds a way into you.

It cusses in a thick accent you can't quite pin, but that doesn't really matter. You've set it off, now. It's clicking footsteps work across the floor, taunting you with a human voice that sounds out of practice.

Like an eldritch being piloting what used to be a person's voicebox.

You make clever use of tossing things to the other side of the room to draw its attention, but its voice gets louder with frustration over time.

"Come out! I know you're here, Deary."

You swallow in your spot beneath a table, just a few feet away from another door, and grab your final distraction. A smoke bomb.

You're not sure if it can see, but you hurl the thing anyway, slamming your shoulder into the metal to force it to give way faster.

The creature goes for the bomb.

The door slams, with you on the safe side.

"Hah. Suck it, Leggy." Panting once more, but less than before, you are victorious.

Now, you hear footsteps.

A remarkably regular cadence, but still, you draw your gun, staring down the corner but not yet moving.

Closer...

Closer still...

You hold your breath. Soap emerges, not half as disheveled as you but under much more duress.

"Bonnie! Wha' th' fawk is going on in here?!"

You shush him firmly, giving a stern look.

"Hell if I know. Assume any creature you see is violent, and avoid them. They get very attracted to noise."

You answer, only partly helpfully, slipping your gun back into its holster. Soap looks concerned, and grabs the hand that's holding a loaded firearm. So much for his safety training.

"Ye nicked yerself, hen."

"Hm?"

"Right there, back o' the hand. Dinnae look too bad, but I don't like the feel of this place."

Johnny scrounges around in his pockets, before producing a small bandage and removing your glove from your hand, pressing the fabric over the small injury.

"...Thanks, Soap."

"Call me Johnny." He smiles. You nod, and cover the way your lips turn up.

This was a mess, sure, but you had someone here for it. That was something to count as a blessing.

[aziraphales-library]

Hello there lovely librarians,

I was wondering if you (or anyone) knew of any #AuDHD fics?

I've just started the diagnosis process and quickly realised it's not just ADHD but Autism too.. (always wondered why I related so hard to both Aziraphale and Crowley)!

If I was a better writer I might try pen something myself, but for now, here's hoping someone else's already had a go...

Thanks once again for your services to ineffabledom! 💚

Hi! We have #autistic aziraphale, #autistic crowley, and #crowley has adhd tags. Most often fics will have each of them having one or the other, but I've found a few fics where one of them is tagged as having both...

To Fall in Love Was my Very First Mistake by JazaBB (G)

Aftermath of the end of season 2, Crowley's not having much fun Title from 'Jealousy' by Queen's Jazz album 1978

Heart to Heart, Skin to Skin by BreezyDaysofLife (M)

With Aziraphale, skin-to-skin contact wasn't exactly common. Crowley was fine with that, fully clothed cuddles were just as good in their humble opinion. Besides, neither of them were big on nudity- Rome had enough of that, thank you. They regretted that mindset now, though. Just a bit. They forced themself not to shift again; knowing, this time, that it would only make it worse. They didn't, however, stop the whine that bubbled up in response to the fabric brushing their sides. Not like they could have, but they didn't even try. ~~~~~~ Or: Crowley is dealing with some sensory problems while cuddling with Aziraphale, but doesn't want to admit it. He notices anyways, and carefully guides them into letting him help.

I Can't Hear Your Voice Calling Out To Me (Is It Over Yet?) by NobodyNowhereAndNothing (T)

Aziraphale, being the goofy little guy he is, gets distracted and burns dinner just as Crowley comes back from a bad walk outside in the loud Soho shopping street that was Whickber, which admittedly wasn't the best idea when having a bad sensory day anyway.

it's rotten work (not to me, not if it's you) by poorlywrittenpoetry (G)

Crowley finds himself constantly on the brink of breaking down throughout the entire day that he spends with Aziraphale, and he has no idea how to let Aziraphale help him. Aziraphale, of course, finds a way to help him.

Ineffably Enough, They Were Roommates by DiscombobulatedBard (M)

Aziraphale and Crowley are roommates. They are also idiots. They may even be in love with each other. (Not that they’d ever admit it, of course.) If Aziraphale needed help– If he were desperate– Crowley would help him with his heart broken. He would help him with his heart whole. That was what roommates did, wasn’t it?

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it by mr_clairdycat (T)

"That said, this angel and this demon love each other in the way someone who loves God does, that much is objective. Their love is patient and kind, it doesn't insist in its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, nor does it rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. That’s how it truly is; their love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Most importantly, however, it will never end. Does not matter whether everyone in the universe isagainst it, they will persevere till the end of their never-ending life. That considered, who could’ve known if God was truly against it in the first place, if this was a test, if this was their plan. But maybe, just maybe it is useless to ponder at such question. Cause that’s what these two are: indescribable, unimaginable, forbidden, wonderful. They are just ineffable."

- Mod D

[aspiringstigmatist]

The Confirmation saints of Conclave Characters (Part 1)

Please note that all of these headcanons are based on vibes and the knowledge I have as a Catholic. You must imagine them as 13 year olds picking out their saintly bff for this to make any sense! I highly recommend you all do your own research on each of these Saints to get a better idea of why I picked them.

Thomas Lawrence and Saint Michael the Archangel:

He says (in the book) that in youth till when he got cancer, he thought of himself as a knight. Every Catholic man that thinks that way lovessss Saint Michael. Saint Michael the Archangel is the patron saint of Vatican City, Rome, and poor souls. Thomas Lawrence is a poor soul in the Vatican during, and before, the conclave. Also, the term Archangel is typically used to describe an angle that heralds all the other angels just like how the Dean heralds a new pope.

Aldo Bellini and Saint Sebastian:

“THIS IS A WAR!” Hits different if you take that into the context that Saint Sebastian is the patron of soldiers it gives you a whole new perspective. Also, Saint Sebastian is the unofficial patron of LGBTQ+ folk so if you are a firm Gay Aldo truther (like myself) it adds another layer to his character. Saint Sebastian was an early Christian martyr who was set to die by arrows, miraculously he survived the attempt at his life and was nursed back to health by Irene of Rome. He was then beat to death and his body was thrown into the Roman sewers, later a woman named Luciana was visited by him in a vision and she later found his skull and placed it into the catacombs.

Vincent Benitez and Saint Francis of Assisi:

Cliche, yeah! But hear me out okay! Vincent has shown a great care for poor and disadvantaged people, we know this because it’s handed to us by Ray as he makes Vincent’s profile. Saint Francis of Assisi was raised quite wealthy but always had this attitude towards his wealth, he didn’t feel fulfilled by materialistic things. He was charitable and was harassed because of this. While in Rome he visited the chapel of San Damiano where Jesus Christ spoke to him saying, “Francis, Francis, go and repair My church which, as you can see, is falling into ruins." He took this as “repair the church you’re in” and so he tried to pay the priest of the church where he was promptly yelled at by him and so Francis stormed out. Francis would later spend his time with the leper colony in Assisi, much like how Vincent helped in clinics during his missionary years. I believe Vincent must have prayed to Saint Francis as he traveled from Kabul to Rome as he (Francis) is the patron of stowaways where he grants them safe passage to their destination.

Sister Agnes and Saint Teresa of Ávila:

Sister Agnes is an incredibly intelligent woman and we are able to see that even in her very short time on screen. Likewise, Saint Teresa was also a very smart and well rounded woman. Saint Teresa of Ávila is the patron of those in religious orders, one could say that a young Agnes felt called to the religious life thus leading her to chose Saint Teresa of Ávila for comfort. Saint Teresa of Ávila is a very famous Christian mystic and author. Truthfully, you must look her up as her life is something that cannot be condensed into a Tumblr post. Also I am incredibly biased as I love both Sister Agnes and Saint Teresa of Ávila soooooo…

Goffredo Tedesco and Saint John Bosco:

Saint John Bosco is the patron saint of students and Christian apprentices. We know that Tedesco has several PhDs in theology and that he studied under Ratzinger! Like Tedesco, Saint John Bosco came from a relatively poor family and in one of his earliest acts he would call out his fellow classmates as they blasphemed and shouted. Saint John Bosco, as a priest, supported a form of politics that acknowledged the supreme authority of the Pope. Saint John Bosco also wrote a LOT, just like how we can assume based of Tedesco’s many PhDs that he’s published quite a few works. In my opinion, I believe that Tedesco chose Saint John Bosco out of admiration for all he overcame, ultimately becoming the people that criticized him.

[randomfoggytiger]

Collector's Edition: The Bitter and the Sweet of Immortality

Immortality is mostly tragic for one Dana Scully; but not without its sweet spots.

**Note**: I want to put in a special word for Deadcanon's "X-Tropy"-- just found it, it's incredible. Can't recommend enough.

Loose chronological order below~

@myassbrokethefall's Scully told Mulder (more as a joking aside than anything, of course) what Bruckman said to her and his eyes got big with delight

"Mulder, even IF he meant it literally, which -- "

"Why wouldn't he mean it literally? That thing he said about you ending up in bed with him, it wasn't what you expected but it did HAPPEN, but there's a lot less ambiguity in -- "

"Well, what about what he said about how you die?"

"Well. Uh, he wasn't. He wasn't saying that ABOUT me, he was just using it as an example. I think he was just trying to get me to shut up."

"Uh-huh."

Post-Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose Mulder clings to the immortality theory as years, then decades, roll by.

@leiascully's (Ao3) Xeranthemum 

She’s intrigued, of course, and hopeful, and terrified. She can imagine outliving her mother, now, but she doesn’t want to. She can imagine outliving Mulder, though it makes her breath come short and her heart thud. She can’t imagine outliving everyone she’s ever known. 

Scully mulls over the gifted curse of immortality.

Brandon D. Ray's (Gossamer, xffics) Cant Bear to Look (Gossamer)

He stands by my bedside and continues to speak to me in a low, lifeless voice.

He's telling me how sorry he is; he's telling me how miserable he feels about the whole thing; he's telling me how he feels he let me down. But the words are just flowing around me; I can barely hear them.

Because he's gray.

And that means he's going to die.

Tithonus Scully now sees the dying in black-and-white.

Namarie's (LJ, mulderscreek) The Quiet Limit of the World

"Do you remember the car accident a few weeks ago?" She meets his eyes again, and sees his puzzlement. This obviously was not what he was expecting.

"Of course." He opens his mouth to say more, but evidently decides against it.

Scully shifts her attention to her hands in her lap. "I didn't get a chance to mention to you that I'd cut myself when the car hit us. Nothing serious, and there were more important things to do at the time." She cannot make herself look at him now. "But when we got back to work, I went to check on the cut in the bathroom, and - it was gone. I mean completely gone, not just scabbed over. The only thing left was some dried blood on my sleeve."

AU-- Post-Tithonus Scully battles with depression over her fears of immortality (and failed IVF attempts.) Still, all hope is not lost.

Deadcanons's X-Tropy

“Scully?” a familiar voice said, full of gentle awe.

Scully’s eyes snapped open. The TV in the living room was on. Standing in front of it, haloed from behind by the bright light of the screen, was her partner. His soft face and tousled hair brought a familiarity that ached. His features were extreme in the TV’s backlight, but when Scully looked at him she knew instantly how absurd it was to think that she would ever forget him. She would recognize him anywhere: in shadow, in light, in a blade of grass, in a single shaking atom. If some cosmic force in the universe really wanted to make her forget, they would have no choice but to burn her brain out, to smash her body on a rocky cliffside, to throw her into an alien spaceship and suck her memories out on a drip. And even then, when the drugs wore off and she woke up in an unmarked hospital bed, the first thing out of her mouth would be to ask where Mulder was. 

Scully came towards him, her exhaustion forgotten. “Mulder?”

She was about to fall into his arms. Then she just fell into him, instead. She went right through him.

AU-- This fic covers Scully's life after Mulder's untimely death: on the run from an alien bounty hunter, run-ins with Doggett and bat monsters and Reyes and ghost Mulders and witchy mediums, and the world-- more specifically, her apartment-- returning to normalcy after the meteors.

LieutenantDru's Monday Night: Dream and Dress Myself Like a Charcoal Sketch

Dana woke up from a nightmare about Mulder getting shot. She didn't like those nightmares.  They happened a lot, in a variety of settings. Mulder took up enough of her waking hours, he didn't need to take her sleeping ones too.  

Post-Monday Scully is not comforted by thoughts of immortality.

MargsLover's Make It Through Monday

"Are you suggesting that the entire earth reset... that time itself was altered and repeated- because of me? Because I am... immortal...?"

"Well, when you put it like that..." he says sheepishly.

AU-- Post-Monday Mulder helps Scully rationalize her fears (and more.)

@greekowl87's (Ao3) Fighting the Inevitable (Tumblr)

He coughed. Blood dribbled from the corner of his lip. “Scully, you are hurt.”

“Mulder, let me take care of you!” She snapped.

“Just keep pressure on it. Isn’t that right?” He coughed and blood trickled down his lip. She heard sirens in the distance. The back up they had called for. His eyes were glazed and tried to focus on her face. “Scully, I don’t…”

“What?”

“I don’t want to die.”

AU-- Post-Monday Scully is forced to share her immortality.

@shadequeenscully/IfMulderCouldSeeMeNow's Back in the Day is Now - Chapter 3

The paramedics storm through the door with a stretcher and he grips her hand tightly as she is hoisted up, an oxygen mask placed over her face. 

“Scully, you have to relax,” he tries to reassure as they lift her into the ambulance. “You’re going to be okay.”

She shakes her head furiously, tears slipping from her eyes as she begs him to see.

Post-Milagro Scully panics over possible immortality.

Singing_Violin's Alive

When I came to, someone was looming over me, and I startled, only to realize, moments later, that it was just my partner.

My partner, who will die one day, and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. "Agent Scully is already in love," Padgett had said. And destined to lose that love forever.

Post-Milagro Scully breaks down.

ML/ML_is_me/ml_griffonnage's (site, Ao3)

Age Cannot Wither and Nor Custom Stale

Once her son knew the truth, Scully stopped trying to hide her unchanging face. They traveled the globe together, looking for answers. They never stayed long enough in a place for Scully's unchanging appearance to become a problem. She'd also learned a thing or two from the Gunmen about hiding her identity, though in the end she always went back to Scully. Always Scully. She wanted to be sure Mulder could find her, no matter what.

But though they found many things, and had many adventures, they never found the one thing they sought, and as far as she knows, no one ever sought them during that time.

When at last her son is gone and she is truly alone in the world, she goes on as best she can.

AU-- Post-Requiem Mulder is returned to Scully's Bellefleur, Oregon hospital hundreds of years later.

vulcanscully's Begin(e)n(d)ings

“I just…” she finishes, truthfully, because however many things she’s hidden from Mulder over the years she never could be openly dishonest with him. “I didn’t want to admit it myself.”

“What do we do?” His voice is that of a child—the believer rendered helpless in disbelief.

She leans over to take his hands. His tremble where hers are still. “We keep living,” she says, and while he takes it as a point of inspiration, of wisdom based on all they have been through together, she knows that it is her only option.

AU-- Post- MSIV Scully cuts out her chip, the source of her immortality, after the X-Files' legacy is created anew.

@danascullysjournal/Paper_hearts_and_homemade_arts's Eternity

“I want to come with you,” she said.

Only his eyes could answer. “I know. I’m sorry.”

AU-- Scully may be immortal, but she can't stop the clock for her partner.

curiouscuriouscurious's the end of the longest day

“Scully, I know the secret that you intended to keep. You were immortal, weren’t you? Yet somehow, you found a way to… die or maybe death found you — the light, you saw it too.” He drops his head down to look at her hands and plays with her little frail-looking fingers. They are beautiful despite how how much they’ve aged. Scully is beautiful.

AU-- Post-MSIV Mulder passes on, knowing Scully isn't too far behind him.

WildwingSuz/Suzanne Feld's Fallen Leaves (Ao3)

I have been given a second chance.

And if there is a Heaven, as I still believe, I know Mulder’s smiling down on me.

AU-- Forty years after Mulder's death, a lonely Scully finds her son.

leslieknopedanascully's immortal

Just a few feet away, Scully’s granddaughter slept in the hospital bed. Her head was turned away from Scully, her messy hair—the same vibrant red Scully’s once was—covered her face. The memory of her granddaughter’s birth already felt nondescript, too similar to her current situation, too similar to every other birth she had witnessed, to stand as an independent memory. And in time, those congealed memories would fade away at the edges until there was nothing left but a nagging feeling that she couldn’t quite place.

AU-- Scully is there for the birth of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

@naraht/Naraht's (DW) Yet certain am I of the spot

As surely as I have inherited the universe, Mulder has inherited the kingdom of heaven. 

AU-- Scully puts her lifetimes to good use.

@teethnbone's (Ao3)

One of few remaining photos

"Though Dr. Scully is a noted recluse and her exact whereabouts remain unknown, if she is alive today she remains the oldest living human being on record." 

AU-- Scully holds one final press conference, then vanishes.

Das Ding

For the billionth time it occurs to her that he is the one who should have been made immortal. It’s easy to imagine: Fox Mulder and his Book of Sand. She can see him hunkered in that 20th century office, flipping page after page and finding each account more amazing then the last. The days waxing and waning with the same fixity of a pendulum’s swing, the seasons ebbing and flowing in a kind of slow, mesmeric torture, and through it all the tall, shambly shape of him behind the desk: dropping slides into the carousel and whistling lonesomely into the face of eternity. He could have lived one billion days on this planet, and still found something fascinating to poke at on his billionth and one...

“What does it feel like”, Amil had asked her once, years ago.

“Like a million year picnic and you’re the only one at the table,” she’d told him and Amil had nodded once and never asked again.

No, Scully thinks. She would never wish this on him.

AU-- Parallel worlds, lifetimes, immortality, and deep-sea mysteries.

@keatingscully's Torn Out Page

Grey hairs, wrinkles, and rocking chairs with the National Enquirer on his lap. "Monkey babies and UFOS," he'd rasp after a sip of tea and a coughing fit. He’d shake his head and gaze beyond the wooden porch railings with the chipped paint and rotten floor boards.

She would just watch him through round glasses, untouched from the harshness of time other than the long strand of grey hair he loved to tease her about as he ran it between trembling fingers. Little did he know that she had dyed it to make him feel better about his mortality.

AU-- Scully loses the memories most dear to her.

@lepus-arcticus's the after

Any semblance of Scully’s mortal vanity had long since dissolved, but there was nothing to be done about it–she would always be beautiful. She wore her copper hair cropped close to her head, and proud, tawny freckles lay spattered across her cheeks. Her eyes were still as blue as a new star. 

AU-- Post-Colonization Mulder and Scully have achieved their own versions of immortality.

@scully-loves-ruthie's Fictober Day 20

 “Well,” Scully offered between breathes as they came down the sloping side of what was once a lovely single-family home with, oh look at that, lovely rose China. She stepped over it feeling somehow pained at crushing it further.  “It looks like our visit to the necromancer really paid off.”  She took a long slug of her water jug as Mulder steadied her by the elbow the rest of the way down.

Post-Colonization Mulder and Scully are immortal, together.

Pale The Chicken's Seven More Days

I never realized that the world would look like this. Never. Everything is a hallow shell of brunt meat, children look like the paper dolls they used to play with. Now, us 'leftovers' will play the creators, make up the dolls in prom gowns and wedding dresses, we are the children, they are our toys.

AU-- Post-Colonization Scully survives an illness that rampaged the country, without her partner.

@this-is-surely-tru/yours_truly's Ashes to Ashes

The Word became flesh, and see! The home of God is among mortals. Does she still count? Does an undying wraith have any need for resurrection? Her lungs may still draw breath and her heart may still pump blood, but she’d testify that she knows death as well or better than anyone could.

AU-- Post-Colonization Scully and Biblical allegories as the world crumbles around her.

BONUS

@morewinepls's She was supposed to be immortal

The doctor said it was old age. That she died of natural causes. But he knows better, knows who’s the immortal one.

Because the room faintly smells like cigarettes.

There are no happy endings.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[tawked]

One thing I'd like to add to the recent discourse of puritanical anti-sex bullshit is that this belief system has offline, real life effects for vulnerable people. Not just sex workers, who it must be noted are made more vulnerable by policing, not less, but pretty much everybody who might need to interact with sex outside of heteronormativity.

So, in the disability world there are specialized support workers who enable people with profound physical disabilities to have sex. I mean they manually manipulate the peoples' bodies to enable them to make the physical motions necessary and so on. This shit is normal, it happens in the US, it happens in the UK, I have a mate who used to do it in Vietnam - it's just part of life for a lot of disabled people.

Recently, the NDIS, one of Australia's layered disability welfare systems (to put it simply) cut support for this service.

The response among conservatives was:

Good! My tax money shouldn't be paying for sex work. I hate cripples, women and especially crippled women. Back in my day we had a country. Now it's all Asians and pronouns, like me pronouns gotta be Chi/nese to get anywhere. I like me Ford V8 and drink Carlton Draught unironically. I wish me wife were here so I could beat her. I talk with a blue collar labour class affect but really I'm an accountant or something and live somewhere like Armadale, where the property values are in the mils. Me greatest dream is to be a landlord and retire to Bali. Please see me as a 'Real Australian.'

You know, normal Australian conservative shit.

But the progressives here were like:

Good! My tax money shouldn't be paying for sex work. No one has a right to sex. You don't need sex to be happy. Everybody can just be asexual, it's a choice. I'm married with three kids and I hate sex, every time I have sex it feels like an alien lifeform slithering inside of me and I dissociate and see myself as if floating above the bed. I watch him gyrate above me and I know my flesh is a prison but my astral self is free. I become elsewhere, an otherthing, lost in the aetheric dream. Human trafficking really scares me and if disabled people -- I'm sorry I mean people with disabilities -- hire sex workers they're going to be enabling human trafficking. And besides, can they even consent?

You know, normal Australian cishet progressive shit.

Remember! This is the country Germaine Greer came from.

My point being, it immediately became a hopeless cause to advocate for, because no fucking way was such an anti-sex cishet population ever going to be persuaded that actually we should be allowing disabled people to fuck down. This society is deeply anti disabled people fucking down, in fact. Sex work is legal here, for now, and barely. Disabled people are infantilised and the concept of tax money paying for any quality of life for us at all is seen as not only unnecessary, but people grasp for ways it must be evil, ie. the presumption that disabled people cannot consent, or that all women in sex work (the idea of a man in sex work is alien to them) must be in that space due to horrible abuse, poverty, mental illness, etc. Only broken women become sex workers, apparently, and thus we must revoke their ability to consent and make choices about their own lives, in order to protect them. Extremely dangerous shit to believe.

The end result is that is just that my mate Morgs can't get his dick wet. He has a girlfriend, who also has quad-palsy, but they literally cannot fuck. And listen I love Morgs but I'm not rolling my sleeves up and getting in there because that violates several boundaries and dramatically alters our friendship. Professional supports enable a specific kind of relationship that allows for the people 'actually having sex' in that scenario to do so without inviting the concept of this being some kind of threesome, bangbuddy situation.

These sentiments and understandings are too complex for your standard voting dickhead to handle, so instead it's just, "sucks that they can't have sex but that's gross and they can just find another way to be happy." Yeah mate just play Uno with your girlfriend forever, what a satisfying life, what a satisfying relationship. Just flick the switch these miserable cunts believe exist in all of us to 'asexual,' like a gay man "choosing not to succumb to homosexual urges."

Not a single woman is saved by this. In fact, there is a woman right now who's pussy remains profoundly uneaten because Morgs can't get his head into the right position without assistance, and the Australian government says no to getting him there.

Where is the justice?

These are the material effects of these anti-sex belief systems.

It's not that all pornography vanishes and then no man is ever abusive again. It's not even that human trafficking stops. Fuck, why are these people so fixated on human trafficking for sexual slavery and not the very much endemic human trafficking for labour exploitation in the Australian agricultural sector? Why are they not concerned that it's legal to pay disabled people as little as 5% of minimum wage, thus creating slavery-like conditions for many with intellectual disabilities? Why do they only seem to advocate for specific manifestations of causes that involve shifting focus away from a rich cunt's bottom line? Something to consider.

It just means a worse life for the most vulnerable members of society, as we normalize puritanical anti-sex bullshit, and root nonheteronormative sex as somehow the basis for societal ills. You can't cut Craig the able-bodied straight bloke off from pornhub in any way that matters, but you can deny Morgs' literal physical ability to get it in by cutting him off from supports, and so that's what ends up happening. This anti-sex bullshit has no power against heteronormativity, but can produce devastating outcomes for the vulnerable.

[humanjarvis]

yayy so fun thank u for tagging @abyssby @starryeyed-apple @applekeu @dollgxtz!!

currently reading: the apothecary diaries volume 1 light novel

last song: holler by girls’ generation-tts

last film: kpop demon hunters (which i am indifferent about unfortunately) mmm i don’t remember what it was before that! i have severe decision paralysis so i can never choose what i want to watch

last series: the apothecary diaries, scandal, and 911

sweet/savory/salty: i cannot have sweet without savory/salty and vice versa. there must be balance ⚖️ i ate a pint of taro ice cream the other day though

tea/coffee: tea but it has to be iced! i’m not into hot teas, but i also don’t drink coffee at all bc it makes me anxious so tea is the only option lol

working on: getting my life together, getting back into working out, writing more intensive stuff (maybe), not being so afraid to go outside (failing), not being so anxious about my writing, trying to separate writing (work) from writing (hobby), BEING A BETTER INTERLOCUTOR, the many wips looming over me

no-pressure tags (you’ve probably seen this already): @moonsoir @yunieful @floredaqueen @deepspacenova

— TAG NINE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW MORE ! thank youuu @fayerie and @lily-bisque for the tags <33

currently reading: (re)reading yellowface by r.f kuang last song: still into you by paramore (great for playing val let me tell uuuu) last film: how to train your dragon last series: true beauty (ep 11 now) sweet/savory/salty: savoury tea or coffee: tea working on: fics (oh boy) + healthy sleep schedule

no pressure tags! <3 - @oporotheca @riveredmoon @elswhore @goonforgeto @lafleurperdue and anyone else who wants to do it !!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

MDZS Modern AU where Madam Lan faked her death years ago, and the secret comes out in a random burger joint, in the middle of her estranged son's first date.

Part 2 ->

[peace-hunter]

tfone au where OP is created as the last of the primes but way after them, a sparkling born at what were thought to be the last days of the war against the quintessons, the beginning of a new generation of peace after eons of war. a child meant to be loved and raised knowing nothing of war nor sacrifice.

he's kept mostly out of the spotlight by his siblings, who don't wish to expose him to everyone's optics so young, and want to wait until the war is done and over to properly introduce him to their people.

except of course the primes are betrayed and murdered by sentinel, the war is lost and everyone who knows and cared for the truth is either banished or outright killed in order to suppress it.

and the high guard, the ones the primes trusted the most, the ones that were supposed to protect them, the ones who failed in their most important duty, have to make a choice. to take the last prime, their last hope, with them to the surface, a hostile environment where there's little to no supplies and where they'll be hunted down by both sentinel and the quintessons as the biggest threat to their regimen.

or hide him in plain sight. place him where sentinel won't think to look for him. one more sparkling among many. and hope it will be enough to keep him alive. pray to primus that he'll protect his last child long enough for them to come back for him when it's safer (even if most of them have already lost their faith on him when he allowed the rest of his children to be massacred like that)

they almost lose their resolve when they realize they will have to take the little one's cog away in order to make him blend in with the rest of the newborns (and oh do they burn with murderous intent when they see what sentinel has done to their people but it's not the time yet-) but in the end they decide an impaired little prime is better than a dead one.

and so in the chaos of thirteen dead primes and a sudden energon crisis, a little sparkling who very few mechs really knew about and even fewer had seen completely vanishes. and in the depths of iacon a mech in charge of a new batch of newborns scratches their helm in confusion as they realize they must have miscounted the first time.

optimus prime is quietly erased from any official records by sentinel, written off as dead when they find a sparkling's frame mangled beyond recognition after an attack on the base of those rebels that insist on being a thorn on his side. killing the sparkling hadn't been precisely in his plans, he probably could've found some use for it after all, but he's not particularly upset about it either.

and orion pax grows up with an ache on his spark that tells him he's missing something far more important than a t-cog and dreams of gentle and loving hands, cradling him against the frames of mechs he cannot recall the faces of.

[wistfulwatcher]

finales + ava's (lack of) experience outside of deborah