#and current level of consciousness requires us to work together

[fitscientist]

What is the single most necessary skill that we as sentient beings must acquire to be able to create a successful experience at our current level of consciousness?

Love.

[greenerteacups]

Hello GT! I almost never comment on anything online, but (after binge-reading Lionheart in about three days) I'm overcome with a desperate need to confess that I've developed an enormous intellectual crush on you as an author. I've never been particularly drawn to Dramione as a pairing before now - or even the HP universe in general as more than a very casual fan - but after reading nearly 600 thousand of your words, I'd be craving more even if that number was 600 million. Thank you very much for sharing Lionheart with the world.

It's a rare pleasure to read something where an immense thoughtfulness shines through so brightly not simply in bits and pieces here and there, but consistently throughout every line and every subplot you stitch together. There are other works of fiction out there that I love, but very, very few of them have been carefully crafted enough to allow me as a reader to sit back and have unshakeable confidence in the depth of the author's vision. Everything you write, from the smallest descriptive details to the grander puzzle pieces tying together each book, is delivered with such intentionality. Sometimes when reading other fiction I'll find myself impatiently wondering "okay, fantastic build-up, but when are we getting to the *really good* part"; with you, every part is the good part. The oft-cited slow-burn mantra of "it's not the destination, it's the journey" doesn't even ring true for me with Lionheart - because in your capable hands, you hurl us straight at that destination with every chapter. All of this to say that my starstruck inner writer is currently pinning a hypothetical pin-up poster of you to my hypothetical writer-ly bedroom wall as someone to look up to.

One of my favourite aspects of your work is how utterly hilarious you are both in your character dialogue and your prose. You've made me laugh more than you've made me cry - and you're guilty of making me cry a lot, especially in Book Four. You balance us between hysterical (funny) and hysterical (dirty, raw feelings) without a trace of whiplash, quite often imparting both simultaneously. Is interweaving humour with Everything Else something that comes naturally to you while writing or is it a process you're consciously juggling?

I've brooded and preened over this message for entirely far too long, and it's not fair to you. Suffice it to say you're kinder than I deserve and this made me want to cry. Any and all pin-up posters of me should render me looking like a deer in headlights, as is the appropriate reaction to this kind of honor.

I'm especially delighted by the hysteria (plural)! In general, it's easier for me to write humor than it is for me to write drama. Not that either one is easy as such, but I think drama requires more architecture. You don't have to explain if a joke is funny; it just is funny, and the audience knows why the characters are laughing/amused/happy. In drama, you have to achieve a certain level of technical character work to set up the punch of a moment; there's stakes, plotting, resonance, etc., and then you have to actually deliver it in a way that isn't either flippant, ironic, or Narm. Basically, there are more axes of failure. And the stakes of a joke failing are pretty low, too: worst case, your audience is like "eh, not that funny" and they move on. If a dramatic moment fails, it can take the legs out from under a whole arc.

One of my tests for whether a moment is ripe for comedy is the question of what the comedy is doing. Is it a realistic reflection of the character's voice in that situation? And, perhaps more importantly: why am I feeling the need to put comedy in this scene? Do I want it because it's natural and tone-appropriate, or am I trying to disguise my own insecurity about the dramatic content of the scene? If the latter, I tend to cut. You can't write from fear, you know?

[gynandromorph]

Out of curiosity, how does plurality work with your like… cognitive bandwidth? It seems like having multiple streams of consciousness running in tandem would cause some mental strain. You could acclimate to it, but it would require more nutrients and calories to maintain proper function, like upkeep for larger muscles would.

from what I understand, cognitive processes do not influence energy intake in the brain — eg. our conscious thought is such a small fraction of what the brain does, it is negligible.

that said, it can be tiring, but it is more often energizing. while many people may conceptualize their own experiences as entirely separate, ethereal entities existing in a single body together, I understand that materially all of my consciousness is in one material brain and body. because it is all one brain, several streams would be smaller divisions of one pie, rather than multiple pies stacked on top of each other. when I experience multiple streams of consciousness at once, it's more like more of my brain is awake at the same time.

I don't necessarily understand what mechanisms in the brain cause more exaggerated, disordered dissociation (no one does, currently), but i do feel that it is more mentally taxing for the brain to be forced to maintain dissociative barriers at all times. if it were more efficient, it would be the default way a brain works. still, this is assuming it isn't ENTIRELY structural — and I'm compelled to believe that it is not, because significant changes in dissociative states, such as splitting or integrating, often happen well beyond the formative years when the brain is structuring itself. the brain structures itself adaptively in a variety of ways, but during initial development, astroglia prune off millions of neurons as they "expand" and then die. this is a one-time process that cannot be repeated in adulthood.

On a personal level, I do think it is taxing to have multiple streams of consciousness at once, because decisions must be made in a more methodical, pragmatic way, when they would usually be instant and intuitive. Attention must be shifted repetitiously to account for conflicting goals and desires, resulting in a phenomenon called directed attention fatigue — the "tired" feeling your brain gets after focusing on something for a long time, or doing many smaller tasks back to back. it is a normal phenomenon caused by the anatomical nature of our brain. relevantly, blocking out stimuli to focus on specific objects or tasks is one of the several functional forms of dissociation that the brain uses regularly. it makes sense to me that directing my attention inward over and over to account for various alters fronting simultaneously is mentally taxing.

however, trying to force only one to be conscious at a time when the brain is in a state to "activate" multiple is also a form of intentional dissociation and directional attention, and this is even more exhausting. I would say it can depend heavily on the cohesion between "parts" and how often they use different decision-making protocol, among other personality traits like scrupulousity.

a long way of saying "it's complicated."

[queering-ecology]

Guest Column: Queer Ecology Author(s): TIMOTHY MORTON

Queer Ecology: 'Frankensteinian meme splice' between ecological criticism and queer theory. Foundations--ecology and queer theory both demand intimacies with other beings.

"Our era requires it--we are losing touch with a fantasy Nature (capitalized to emphasize that it is less natural than nature) that never really existed" while we are losing the very real life forms in Earth's sixth mass extinction event…

Judith Butler identified how heterosexist gender performance produces the binary--inside//outside. Ideologies of Nature , are founded on inside-outside structures that resemble the boundaries heterosexism polices

when the environment becomes intimate--as in our current age of ecological crisis--it is no longer an environment since it no longer just happens around us; this is the difference between weather and climate.

society once defined itself by excluding dirt, germs, pollution but this is impossible--we must know where our waste goes. "excluding pollution is part of performing Nature as pristine, wild, immediate and pure" (274)

'science is too important to be left to scientists.' nonessentialism- Darwin; evolution=lifeforms made of other lifeforms

deconstruction--no text or lifeform is one 100% 'authentic'

'queer theory and ecology supposed a multiplication of differences at as many levels and on as many scales as possible' 275 (reminds me of infinite diversity in infinite combinations...star trek)

'life is catastrophic, monstrous, non holistic, and dislocated, not organic, coherent, or authoritative'

'life-forms are liquid; positing them as separate is like putting a stick in a river and saying, 'this is river stage x' (reminds me of mni wiconi-water is life)

life forms constitute a mesh--that blurs all boundaries between species, living/nonliving, organisms and environment.

gender diversity and biodiversity are deeply intertwined. plants and animals are hermaphroditic before they are bisexual and are bisexual before they are heterosexual. males and females of most plants and half the animals can become hermaphrodites either together or in turn, and hermaphrodites can become male or female; many switch gender constantly.

the story of evolution is a story of diverse lifeforms cooperating with one another.

evolutionary satisficing--if your body kind of works, you can keep it. gender and DNA are both performative.

speciesism- underlied with sexism, racism and homophobia

any attempt at queer ecology must imagine ways of doing justice to life-forms while respecting the lesson of evolutionary biology--that the boundary between life and nonlife is thick and full of paradoxical entities. 276

the life//nonlife binary--there isn't a rigid, narrow boundary between the two. if a virus is alive, a devil's advocate might claim, so is a computer virus.

queer ecology might abandon the term 'animal' and adopt something like 'strange stranger' (arrivant)--irreducible, whose arrival cannot be predicted or accounted for (hospitality).

instead of reducing everything to sameness, ecological interdependence multiplies differences everywhere. unmysterious and miraculous. interdependence--it is the reason life exists at all

queer ecology questions the human//nonhuman binary. queer ecology--go the end and show how beings exist precisely because they are nothing but relationality, deep down--for the love of matter.

every life form is familiar because we are related to it. we share DNA, cell structure, subroutines in the brain. collectivity--consciously choosing coexistence

we shall achieve a radical ecological politics only by facing the difficulty of the strange stranger. (we have others--rather, others have us--literally under our skin (clark))

Against Compulsory Nature

to solve our environmental problem (like global warming) we should be working with intimacy.

darwin; the engine of sexual selection is sexual display. appearances and behaviors. sexuality=sheer aesthetic display

environmentalism-tries to rise above sexuality. Loving Nature becomes enslaved to masculine heteronormativity. a performance that erases the trace of performance--"leave no trace". masculinity is 'Natural'-'Natural' is Masculine. rugged, bleak, masculine Nature defined through contrasts; outdoorsy and extraverted, heterosexual, able-bodied. aggressively healthy, hostile to self-absorption. Not feminine, no room for irony or ambiguity, nonhumorus. Masculine Nature is afraid of its own shadow, afraid of subjectivity

Organicism wants Nature untouched, 'virgin', established by exclusion, then the exclusion of exclusion. Naturalized. queer ecology--interconnectedness is not organic. mythical Nature dissolves when we look directly at it.

'dark ecology'--zombie-like quality of interconnected lifeforms, keeps going and going and going like the undead Frankenstein--queer ecological ethics might regard beings as people even when they aren't people.

vegetarian (vegan) rhetoric often obsessed with obsession, equating madness with crime, crime with disease: longing for a society without a trace--a society without people

Into the Wild novel--fatal experimentation with masculine Nature, realizes other people are important just before dying from a poisoness plant. he was not in as remote a location as he believed. his concept of wilderness overrode his survival instinct. they might think they are escaping civilization and its discontents but they actually act out its death instincts. fantasize control and order; "i can make it on my own"--myth of self made man, editing out love, warmth, vulnerability and ambiguity. Queer ecology must visualize the unbeautiful, the uncold, the 'lame', the unsplendid

joy as coexistance with coexistance

ecology and queer theory are intimate. its not that ecological thinking would benefit from an injection of queer theory from the outside. it's that, fully and properly, ecology is queer theory and queer theory is ecology: queer ecology.

[theamaranthology]

Helvetica Man (my OC) lore:

The titular character is a Dominican trans man named Max [surname to be determined] and a computer scientist and engineer.

Sentient robots have existed in his world for a generation, and Max helped to create a new technology for robot sentience (by copying human neural architecture into said new technology using new particle physics), but the attempt to implement it went wrong, and the directionality of the technology acted in reverse, converting his neural architecture and nervous system into a particle field that replicates much of the same input-and-output functions (this is sort of a simplified description).

What that means in practice is that should he be harmed in a way that he couldn't fully heal from naturally, the field will generate its own energy in place of his physical body, at the normal rate of human cell generation, and when that energy has built up to the required amount, the body part will manifest. Which is to say, he can be harmed and he stays injured until enough time passes, and then he can revert to the state encoded into that field. He has the superpower of continuing to be a human being. It isn't even an advanced healing factor, it's a regular one, and he doesn't even recover during the whole time. So he can be incapacitated as easily as any other human.

This is because Helvetica Man (🚹) is a representation of a quintessential "man". So Helvetica Man's superpower is "the power to be a human without superpowers". What I came up with for that was a power that lets him continue to be human.

One of the few unique benefits though is that inside his skull is like a galaxy instead of a brain, 'cause his whole nervous system is that particle field now, and he can survive a headshot, but like... It'll hurt and maybe knock him out from the pain, but if it doesn't, then yeah his neural functions won't be damaged.

The rest is a more in-depth explanation of his lore.

↓↓↓

Max is a computer scientist and engineer who works at Statuefield, a company that helped to pioneer artificial intelligence over the past decade or two. Conscious robots currently exist in his world, and are relatively new.

A lot of the technology was modeled after human neural architecture. The advent of computer sentience isn't fully understood, in much the same way a programmer may get their code to work but have no idea how they got it to work, but on a much larger and much more complex scale where many people on the team had been working on the technology in parts over years, as well as the fact the technology was emergent in nature (functioning like human brain development). Eventually they got it to work, and that original framework was used to create sentient robots.

Now new technologies are being developed to replicate human neural architecture in much more deliberate ways. Max works on a team developing one of those technologies. The technology in question is a method of engineering complex computational and mathematical processes into new fundamental particles. These particles are named Helvetica Particles, after the particle physicist who originally theorized them. Loosely analogous to mashing atoms together to create new elements, these are new bespoke particles that encode complex laws of physics into new fundamental particles. For example, a Helvetica particle could be created that interacted with different wavelengths of light in different ways that were programmed into it.

The Helvetica Particle that Statuefield was attempting to create was a copy of human neural architecture; all the particles that comprise a human mind, all the input-output behaviours collectively encoded into a particle that could be used as the basis for a new medium of robot consciousness.

It went catastrophically wrong, because when you play with physics at that level, that can happen. It wasn't quite an atom bomb (they weren't splitting atoms), but it went boom. It was called The Helvetica Scenario, and that slowed that research to an effective stop for the time being.

How his power works is complicated, but basically he exists as a Helvetica Field defined by the Helvetica Particle in his skull. The shape of the field encompasses his body. This means that although his muscle and bone are still physically present and are inside that field, the field also acts as his nervous system, allowing him to move his body still. It also uses some complex Banach-Tarsky style mathematics to generate its own energy if any flesh is missing. I described this above. The field acts as both a blueprint for - and in the shape of - his body to generate from while also acting as his nervous system for his physically extant body. It also means he can do a sort of Buggy the Clown with his limbs, within a few inches of where they ought to be relative to wherever they were severed from, but if they're out of the field entirely, then the regeneration thing kicks in eventually.

Now the thing about robot's who are thinking, feeling people being around is that some people hate the thought of there being a new way of existing. "A new way of being a person? Unnatural." (trans allegory). Now, since robots have free will, they aren't used as unpaid labour, but they absolutely are used as labour to fuel the capitalist machine, same as any other person would be. They're largely integrated into society.

The antagonist is a self-proclaimed "humanitarian" who developed robotics for human prosthetics (more with the intent of ''fixing'' people; he doesn't really care about people; the robotics he developed were the expensive kind that's more for optics, compared to assistive devices) that were subsequently used for robots. So this guy, David Sonoran, is pissed at Max for being an advocate of robots, and for being the posterchild of Helvetica, and for being the survivor of the Helvetica Scenario (of those on the team who were physically present), and for becoming sort of unkillable. The fuming ire that Sonoran felt toward Max, and his hatred for robots, once he learned about what the Helvetica Scenario did to Max, Sonoran tried to recreate it, failing several times and becoming increasingly (cruelly) focused on his goal until he succeeded.

And the story is about those two battling it out in various ways, with Sonoran trying to destroy the infrastructure that created and creates robots, and trying to kill robots while doing so, because he sees them as machines instead of people. He feels so entitled and self-righteous about "his technology" being used to "replace people" or whatever.

The story is a lot about themes of personhood and agency.

Also Helvetica Man has a love interest who is a robot. She's cool. She's also trans.

There are other people who get Helvetica powers too, but later on.

[nursingwriter]

Cultural Perspectives on Health Changing behavior Cultural competence has evolved over several decades and its definition stems from a number of perspectives, needs and interests which are all incorporated into the ideology of cultural competence. However, the work performed by Cross et al. (1989) posits the best definition to cultural competence and gave a foundation to the idea of cultural competence. According to Cross et al. (1989) , cultural competence is the combined set of policies, skills, knowledge and attitude which when used together by health care professionals in a health care system or agency enables them to work effectively in situations which are cross-cultural. Cultural competence is important in the healthcare work environment since it assists the health care professionals to be able to deal with patients from all cultures while helping them to recover in the fastest and most efficient way possible. There are five elements of cultural competence which Cross et al. (1989) described. These are: 1. Giving value to diversity 2. Capacity building for cultural self-assessment 3. Consciousness on the inherent dynamics during cultural interactions 4. Institutionalizing knowledge on the various cultures 5. Developing adaptations to service delivery which reflect on a deep understanding of the various diverse cultures. There are many skills which a health care professional needs to demonstrate cultural competence. By understanding and reflecting upon these five elements of cultural competence, this paper will identify, present, describe and analyze of the knowledge, skills and practices needed to work in cross-cultural situations. Knowledge required for cultural competence To become a culturally competent practitioner, there is some level of knowledge that is required Lum, 2010. First, the health practitioner should have the required knowledge to be able to assess different patient's situations, diagnose, treat, and manage their diseases or conditions. Without this knowledge, the health care practitioner will not be competent in their practice. Secondly, the health care practitioner should be well knowledgeable regarding the various medications that are available in the market, which ones are banned, in what countries they are banned, which have adverse reactions to certain things that are culturally related such as herbs and other cultural foods and other relevant information. The health care practitioner should be well knowledgeable in the management of aggression especially when handling a large community and not just an individual patient. When a certain aspect of medicine contradicts with a particular cultural belief or value, the members of the community tend to become overly aggressive and opposed to this particular behavior. The health care practitioner should be well aware of such cultural issues in order to avoid this kind of aggression and opposition or if necessary, to manage the aggression while providing the best care for the community and the patients. Certain cultures or groups of people may be involved in practices that cause self-harming behaviors. By understanding these cultural differences, the health care practitioner can be able to deal with the situation with the utmost privacy, responsibility, and safety in order to avoid the recurrence of this behavior or to manage it at a lesser level of occurrence. A culturally competent health care practitioner should have a deep understanding of the patterns of culture and history which have shaped the lives of the various cultural people in the past and to be able to relate these cultures to how they are affecting their lives in the current world. By understanding this, the practitioner will be able to give the best care that does not interfere with the culture of the individual rather compliments it. The culture of an individual is also a huge contributing factor in understanding their behavior. Humans behave differently and if we look at the health belief model, the four aspects of the model which are the perceived benefits, perceived barriers, perceived severity and perceived susceptibility are all influenced by the cultural beliefs and values of an individual and the community at large. A person's health seeking behavior is also influenced by their cultural beliefs. By understanding these cultural aspects, the health care practitioner can be able to find the best possible way to convince individuals towards seeking health are at health care institutions and to give the best care that does not contradict or demean their cultures. Values A culturally competent health care practitioner needs to be aware of the personal beliefs and values of the individuals and the community as a whole. They can therefore devise programs which provide the individuals with the option of abandoning the cultural values that are contradicting to modern health care and in order for them to get the best health care option. This can serve as a benchmark for judging and measuring people's behavior of people as relates to their different cultural backgrounds. Translating evidence into practice Translating evidence into practice is another importance value that every culturally competent health care practitioner needs to have. It has become a widely discussed topic in conferences, talks and other forums. The emphasis on evidence-based practice has been brought about by the need to improve health care in various health care institutions all over the world as well as the need to provide holistic care. Also, there has a wide gap between the publishing of research results and the application of these results in practice. This emphasis of translating evidence to practice is aimed at bridging that gap and to help find new focus and priorities for research to fill any gaps of knowledge that may exist. Translating evidence into practice also helps health care individuals to be culturally competent. Much research has been conducted on various test subjects who stem from different cultural backgrounds and by understanding what this research tells us, we will be able to be culturally competent in the practice. Translating evidence into practice is a commonly used phrase especially in the medical world. It refers to the situation where evidence from various sources such as clinical trials, medical research and other scientific studies is used to develop a basis on which the clinician or nurse makes their decision about the particular disease, condition or aspect concerned. There are several reasons why there is a need to apply translation of evidence into practice. Translating evidence into practice improves the individual and organizational experience of change and improves their responsiveness and response to the environment and their perceived benefits also change White et al., 2011. Evidence-based practice helps to ensure patients receive the right care for their case Burns and Grove, 2009() Evidence-based practice also helps to identify gaps in knowledge that may exist. By questioning the current practice, the health care professionals are able to guide researchers on what should be the focus and priority in their research so as to fill these gaps Mateo and Kirchhoff, 2009() Evidence-based research will also help to ensure an interdisciplinary approach to the provision of health care to patients by organizing myself to engage other health care professionals in fields such as psychology and physiotherapy. By involving these other disciplines in the clinical care of patients, it helps to recognize other fields and appreciate their specialization and eventually provide the patient with the best health care. It will also create a culture of collaboration among health care professionals and help them adapt with ease to their various roles in the collaboration Lee et al., 2011() Translating evidence to practice or evidence-based practice helps to empower patients to take care of their own health care. In this way, my practice will be impacted by patients who are willing to gain insight into the health care provided to them, the procedures or tests being run, any risks or side effects they are exposed to and to ensure that general care is taken such as washing hands before doing procedures on patients or using protective equipment such as gloves. Evidence-based practice will help to decrease morbidity and mortality in my practice since the patients will be handled with extreme care and caution to provide the best possible care. All in all, evidence-based practice will help to improve the clinician's quality to the patient despite the cultural background of the patient and to provide appropriate care to the patient without any delay or complications since the method chosen will be culturally acceptable. Skills To be a culturally competent health practitioner, there is a mix of skills that they need to carry out their duties. These skills need to complement their knowledge and values to enable them to work efficiently and effectively in the cultural context. Some of the skill needed include decision-making to make appropriate decisions for the particular situation. They also need to be able to analyze information provided correctly to be able to make the right decision. Third is to determine priorities and to know what should come first and what else to follow. A culturally competent health practitioner also needs to work as a team member. Since certain decisions and procedures require several health practitioners to effectively and efficiently work together as a team and to collaborate in the best way to provide the most appropriate health care for the individual regardless of their cultural background. In the health care practice, there are those aspects of culture that are sensitive and that the health care practitioners need to consider when making decisions related to the practice. Some of these cultural aspects are those that contradict with the principles of modern medicine. Therefore, by the practitioner having a good understanding of these sensitive aspects of culture, he/she will be able to make the appropriate decision for the situation at hand. Communication skills are also important for all culturally competent health care professionals. For example, in situations which concern culture and the norms associated with culture based on the amount of information that can be disclosed and the type of information. This can form a serious barrier in the provision of health care and therefore the practitioner needs to understand the culture and the norms in order to be able to enable communication and self-disclosure of the patient. Language skills are also important for culturally competent health care practitioners. Translation is one of the language skills. It is an extra advantage if the health care practitioner is able to speak more than one language since it will help in collection of accurate historical information as well as other information from the patient. It also helps to reduce the faults that are created by literal translations and facilitates clear communication between the patient and the medical practitioner. ANMC competency standards There are several points in the ANMC National Competency Standards that touch on the knowledge, skills and values required of a culturally competent health care practitioner. One is that the ANMC competency standards emphasize on evidence-based practice which is an important value of the culturally competent health practitioner. This is in article 3.1 of the National Competency Standards Australian Nursing and Midwifery Council () The ANMC standards also emphasize on working in an ethical and professional manner which when the health care practitioner acquires the relevant knowledge, values and skills necessary for cultural competency, they can be able to work in the best possible manner that bring the greatest benefit to the patient or individual seeking health care. Conclusion Cultural competence is an important skill that is required of the health care practitioners. Cultural competence is an important virtue in the healthcare environment and it helps the health care practitioner to deal with individuals from different cultures while helping them to get the best possible health care, in the fastest and most efficient way possible. Although cultural competence is an important practice and there is a need for the health care practitioner to gain the appropriate knowledge, skills and values required for cultural competence, cultural competence is not a widespread concept as pertains the application of this knowledge, skills and values. Therefore, there is a need to emphasize on the need of the health care practitioner to work best within the framework provided in order to achieve cultural competence. The ANMC National Competency Standards do not expressly state the need for cultural competence and only inference can be made to the need of cultural competency. It can be recommended that cultural competence be included in the ANMC National Competency Standards References AUSTRALIAN NURSING and MIDWIFERY COUNCIL National Competency Standards for the Registered Nurse. Australia: Australian Nursing and Midwifery Council. BURNS, N. & GROVE, S.K. 2009. The practice of nursing research: Appraisal, synthesis, and generation of evidence., St. Louis, MO Elsevier. https://www.paperdue.com/customer/paper/cultural-perspectives-on-health-changing-53798#:~:text=Logout-,CulturalPerspectivesonHealthChanging,-Length7pages CROSS, T., BAZRON, B., DENNIS, K. & ISAACS, M. 1989. Towards a Culturally Competent System of Care, Volume I, Washington, DC, Georgetown University Child Development Center, CASSP Technical Assistance Center. LEE, H.C., DUDLEY, R.A. & GONZALES, R. 2011. Translating Evidence into Practice, Policy, and Public Health in Perinatal Medicine. NeoReviews, 12, e431-e438. LUM, D. 2010. Culturally Competent Practice: A Framework for Understanding Diverse Groups and Justice Issues, Michigan, Cengage Learning. MATEO, M.A. & KIRCHHOFF, K.T. 2009. Research for advanced practice nurses: From evidence to practice., New York, NY, Springer. WHITE, K.M., WHITE, K. & DUDLEY-BROWN, S. 2011. Translation of Evidence Into Practice: Application to Nursing and Health Care, Berlin, Springer. Read the full article

[madamelaydebug]

Beloved Ones,

As we navigate between eclipses, releasing and embracing a more illumined frequency, we now move towards a more stabilizing passage, one that begins with the Equinox and that will reach its peak on the 4/4 passage next month.

A passage of immense energetic balance and complete integration for those who are reconnecting and activating their sixth and seventh-dimensional shoulder portals, as well as for those who are stepping into their mission as stabilizers and timelines keepers, helping in the reconstruction of the fallen 3D timelines and false 5D ones.

We are all Light pillars with a unique coding to anchor the specific frequencies we agreed to seed when we chose to incarnate on this planet. This is why it is so important to have our Merkabah fields, masculine and female, balanced and our original template regenerated to anchor the unique codes we are meant to bring to earth at this time as stabilizers, new earth's anchors, and timekeepers.

We are heading into a powerful harmonic portal represented by the frequency of the number 4. Four is our Heart Center and the frequency band that we need to transcend to reach the fifth-dimensional soul levels, releasing astral false connections, guidance, influences, and all delusions, allowing our Consciousness to move into the soul worlds, where we finally find the Truth about who we are and our mission.

For those of you working with the rehabilitation of your fourth dimensional DNA strand, know it is the perfect time for you to transcend astral limitations and programs, as it is from our DNA that we can shift our current frequency state, as when we awake the time codes within each DNA strand, we are free to navigate within a new dimension of consciousness.

This is why it is so important to decree to our DNA our intention to move through the illusory dimensions into the soul ones, for we are the only ones who can command and reprogram our DNA, as it only recognizes us, as the only authority to do so.

Four is the union of equals creating something to heal and protect All. This is where many activated ascending couples are now moving into, as we move through the 3 universal frequencies of this month into the 4 one of April. Four is Love, for is the number required to create in the physical what the Divine envisions in the Illumined Worlds.

Four are the Pillars that sustain this and any other Universe. It is the foundation of the divine architecture of all creation, for it is what holds all together, from the macro to the micro. Four is stability and the strong foundations required so anything can grow and expand. Four are the Elements, and the Royal Stars in the Heavens. By holding this frequency, we work from a heart space, being in a constant flow of giving and receiving, of embracing and letting all go.

Four is who we are, as it represents our strength, courage, balance, and devotion to serving All Creation. Many of you, awakening as stabilizers will too start seeing the number 4s, as an activator number to start the descension of your mission, and unique codes for you to seed.

Four is Divine Order among the 3D chaos that many wish to create in this world, as part of its dual nature. Divine Order within ourselves is precisely what we are invited to anchor during this time between eclipses, culminating with the 4/4 passage, for we are all rebuilding our light bodies, personal realities, and above all, our entire template.

It is now more than ever that we need to stand firm in who we are, in our Truth, and in the guidance we receive to be aligned with authentic Sources, which are the ones we all have within ourselves.

This is a passage for us to remain within our Higher Heart, as we continue transforming ourselves as a species, embodying our true identity as Solar/Christic beings, which in truth means to retrieve our original state of being, one of love, wisdom, and power, in perfect alignment with the Divine within us.

May you remain in the Love, Wisdom, and Power of your Hearts, in perfect balance with the Divine and All.

Within Infinite Love,

Natalia Alba

nataliaalba.com

Art by: Deepdiverq

Soul guidance: https://www.nataliaalba.com/p/soul-guidance_18.html

Soul lineage & multidimensional healing reading: https://www.nataliaalba.com/p/soul-lineage-multidimensional-clearing_30.html

[restaurantpossy001]

The Move of Online Ordering POS and Self-Ordering Stands: Changing the Foodservice Business!

In a period of state-of-the-art change, the food organization business embraces improvement to smooth out endeavors, foster client encounters, and further develop effectiveness. The crucial developments in this space are Electronic Ordering POS (Retail location) designs and Stand Self-Ordering blueprints. These upgrades change how clients place orders, affiliations handle exchanges, and food organization suppliers work together with their clients. This article investigates the meaning of these events and their effect on the two clients and affiliations.

What is online ordering POS?

An Online ordering POS is a blend of programming and equipment that draws in bistros, bistros, and other food organization foundations to manage orders set on the web through their site, a pariah application, or a severe development stage. This consistent association eliminates the requirement for a manual sales portion, decreasing human blunder and the gamble of miscommunication. POS designs can likewise reliably follow the stock and oversee partition and level separate deal plans. This wire speeds up the POS structure and manages down-to-earth capacity. Online ordering POS eliminates the risk of manual information bungles. Orders are moved to the kitchen or bar without needing a go-between, guaranteeing that clients get the specific item they request. Clients benefit from electronic ordering, allowing them to avoid the usual in-store lines. This convenience further increases buyer steadfastness and invigorates rehash business. Restaurant POS Systems provide expansive information investigation; empowering relationships to more instantly decide client behavior, track famous menu items, and change promoting systems to increase effectiveness further.

An Advancement of Kiosk Self Ordering

Clients can avoid the backup times associated with ordering at a counter, permitting the relationship to serve more visitors on a fundamental level faster. This prompts quicker table turnover and broadened pay. Kiosk Self Ordering permits clients to change their orders more effectively, whether changing fixing aggregates or picking additional items. This degree of adaptability can incite higher buyer constancy and more significant standard requesting sizes. This cost-saving measure can be especially advantageous for foundations managing work needs or high turnover rates. Corners offer a more secure, sterile way for clients to put orders. This update overhauls the client experience and aligns with flourishing and security shows. Like Online ordering POS structures, slowing down reduces human error opportunities. Clients can audit their decisions, including their requests, limiting the probability of errors.

Key Advantages of Self-Ordering Kiosk

Different best-in-class food organization foundations combine online ordering POS structures with autonomous self-ordering Kiosk. This compromise guarantees that on-the-web and in-person blueprints are handled through a similar framework, joining a stage for coordinating client orders and stock. For instance, if a client presents a request using a stand, it will, in a split second, be passed on to the kitchen through the POS structure. Plus, online orders set through a bistro's site or application will be facilitated with the kitchen. As the food organization business creates, strategies will increase. Both online ordering POS and stand self ordering Kiosk ought to be more current and have levels of progress in counterfeit reasoning, artificial consciousness, and adaptable piece pushes. These headways will moreover cultivate requesting exactness, personalization, and feasibility. As purchaser notions change, the capacity to immaculately incorporate perseverance errands, movements, and dynamic evaluating into the two slow-downs and online ordering stages will become vital for future self-ordering improvement.

Conclusion

The social occasion of Online ordering POS and Stand Self-Ordering frameworks will generally be a fundamental improvement for the food organization business. These types of progress smooth out works, decline mishandles, upgrade the client experience, and propose vast amounts of information for the relationships to settle on additional breathtaking choices. By permitting clients to introduce their sales without the help of a delegate, corners can diminish the number of workers expected at the counter.

[psychreviews2]

The Mind Illuminated - Culadasa

Lost in thoughts

John Yates, also known as Culadasa, directs the Dharma Treasure Buddhist Sangha in Tuscon, Arizona. He has worked in a wide variety of traditions including, Theravada, Tibetan traditions, and he also taught physiology and neuroscience.

He wrote the book The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Using Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science, which is refreshing in its use of Stages. Many practitioners want to skip to the end of the path and end up slowing their practice down unknowingly. By focusing on stages, the meditator can focus on what they need to master first before moving onto the next stage, and thereby they keep from getting lost.

In this review I’ll focus on some of Culadasa’s insights into how mindfulness works, and the challenges of a wandering mind.

Insight

At the start Culadasa warns meditators to not get lost. He says, “the point isn’t to force your experience to match something you have read…You must move through the Stages in order, without skipping any of them. To make progress, you should correctly determine your current Stage, work diligently with the techniques you’re given, and move on only when you have achieved mastery. Mastery of one Stage is a requirement for the mastery of the next, and none can be skipped…Taking ‘shortcuts’ just creates problems and ultimately prolongs the process — so they’re not really shortcuts. Diligence is all you need to make the fastest progress possible."

One has to “practice according to whatever is happening in your meditation in the present”, and work “with the specific obstacles and goals appropriate to your current skill level."

As the reader moves along, Culadasa drops some major insights that we ultimately have to find for ourselves, beyond reading, but intellectually they can help with the practice. He says, “as you continue to meditate, this fact of ‘no-Self’ becomes increasingly clear, but you can’t afford to wait for that Insight. For the sake of making progress, it’s best to drop this notion [of a permanent Self], at least at an intellectual level, as soon as possible." The illusion of the self comes together via "the content of many separate moments, provided by...sense categories, [that] get briefly stored in a kind of 'working' memory, where they are combined and integrated with each other. Then the 'product' of this integration is projected into consciousness as yet another distinct type of mind moment."

Intention

Like other masters, Culadasa emphasizes the role of intention in meditation, which is directing our attention span in the practice. He says, “at every Stage, all ‘you’ really do is patiently and persistently hold intentions to respond in specific ways to whatever happens during your meditation. Holding this intention, together with returning our attention to the breath over and over whenever we get distracted, informs the unconscious weighing process that keeping the focus on the breath is important. Repeating simple tasks with a clear intention can reprogram unconscious mental processes. This can completely transform who you are as a person.”

“The basic rule for training the mind in meditation is to always intentionally select the locus of attention. With monkey-mind, attention is constantly moving, so you finesse the situation by intentionally expanding this area. You let the mind keep moving, but only within the boundaries that you’ve intentionally set. Instead of trying to hold the monkey still, you give it a larger cage to move in.”

Targeted and wide

What I find different about his approach is his instruction to develop, what he calls, metacognitive introspective awareness, which is to stand back and observe the mind state and activities while meditating. Culadasa wants the practitioner to notice how the practice and thoughts are affecting the mind state so that the practitioner doesn’t become dull in too much attention, and ignore the peripheral awareness. By including peripheral awareness, the meditator can keep the big picture context of their environment, thoughts and mind states, while focusing attention. Therefore objectivity is preserved and it can prevent being stuck in “subjectivity and projection.”

He says, “you simply do exercises where you practice sustaining close attention and strong peripheral awareness at the same time. This is the only way to make consciousness more powerful. The more vivid you can make your attention while still sustaining awareness, the more power you will gain.”

Forgetting

Like Thanissaro Bhikkhu, Culadasa emphasizes the importance of noticing our forgetting, which is getting lost in thoughts. When we get lost in thoughts in meditation, it can be sneaky. There are subtle distractions before one gets to gross distractions, forgetting, and then realizing being lost. Here he recommends labeling. The meditator labels the thoughts related to being lost, and then returns to the breath. The following practices help the meditator with their inevitable challenges of slipping off the breath:

Following

With Following you “practice recognizing the individual sensations that make up each in-and out-breath. First, carefully observe the sensations between the beginning and end of the in-breath until you can recognize three or four distinct sensations every time. Continue to observe the rest of the breath cycle just as clearly as before. When you can consistently recognize several sensations with every in-breath, do the same with the out-breath. Your intention will be to follow the breath with vividness and clarity, and to be aware of very fine details. If you miss the mark, don’t worry. You always have the next breath to work with.”

Connecting

Connecting is an extension of following that involves making comparisons and associations.

You connect “by observing the two [breath] pauses closely, and notice which is longer and which is shorter. Next, compare the in-and out-breaths to each other. Are they the same length, or is one longer than the other? When you can compare the lengths clearly, expand the task to include relative changes over time. Are the in-and out-breaths longer or shorter than they were earlier? If the in-breath was longer than the out-breath, or vice versa, is that still the case? Are the pauses between the in-and out-breaths longer or shorter than they were? Is the longer of the two pauses still the same as before?”

Investigating the breath

“Once you reach Stages Four and Five, your introspective awareness will have improved enough that you can start connecting the details of the breath cycle to your state of mind. When you find the mind agitated and there are more distractions, ask yourself: Is the breath longer or shorter, deeper or shallower, finer or coarser than when the mind is calm? What about the length or depth of the breath during a spell of drowsiness? Do states of agitation, distraction, concentration, and dullness affect the out-breath more or in a different way than they do with the in-breath? Do they affect the pause before the in-breath more or less than they affect the pause before the out-breath? The actual number of sensations you can perceive isn’t that important. What matters is that your perception grows sharper, and that you stay interested in, and attentive to the breath.”

As we are following and connecting, distractions are bound to start up again. Culadasa says, “when attention alternates between the breath and a sound, thought, feeling, or bodily sensation, flickering even briefly between the two, it’s a distraction. There are typically several such distractions in your field of conscious awareness at any one time. You might not notice these movements of attention because they’re so rapid. Nevertheless, this alternating attention creates a scattering of attention to distractions. These are the distractions that potentially cause forgetting.”

Labeling

To manage forgetting, Culadasa recommends we “use labeling to practice identifying the distraction in the very moment you realize you’re no longer on the breath. The practice of labeling will strengthen your introspective awareness enough so you can consistently identify which distractions are most likely to steal your attention in the first place. Introspective awareness will eventually be strong enough to alert you to a distraction before forgetting happens. If you catch yourself thinking about your next meal or something that happened yesterday, give the distraction a neutral label such as ‘thinking,’ ‘planning,’ or ‘remembering.’ Simple, neutral labels are less likely to cause further distractions by getting you caught up in the labeling. If there was a series of thoughts, only label the most recent one. Also, always avoid analyzing distractions, which only creates more distraction. Once you’ve labeled the distraction, gently direct your attention back to the breath.”

Checking in

Culadasa says, “Instead of waiting for introspective awareness to arise spontaneously, you intentionally turn your attention inward to see what’s happening in the mind. Doing this check-in requires longer periods of stable attention. Checking in not only strengthens introspective awareness, but also allows you to correct for gross distraction before it causes forgetting. It’s like you’re intentionally shifting your attention to take a ‘snapshot’ of the mind’s current activity to see if some distraction is about to make you forget. When you notice a gross distraction, tighten up attention on the breath to prevent forgetting."

"It may also help to take a moment to label the distraction before returning to the breath. When you recognize a gross distraction before it completely captures your attention, return your attention to the breath and sharpen up your focus. That will keep you from forgetting. Sometimes, just identifying a gross distraction as a gross distraction is enough to make it dissipate. If it doesn’t, engage with the breath as fully as you can until it does. If it keeps returning, just keep repeating this simple process. Checking in should become a habit.”

Dullness

Another interesting passage, is Culadasa’s suggestions for dealing with dullness. He looks at it as a big threat to progression for the practitioner. To detect dullness you have to see first if what you have is drowsiness. He says, “if you’re fatigued by physical or mental stress, illness, or lack of sleep, you’ll be sleepy during meditation. So, regard a good night’s rest as an important part of your practice.” There are some meditators that like to test how little sleep you can get away with, when on retreat, but if you aren't doing this and “still find yourself getting drowsy, you’ll know it’s dullness related to meditation.” Dullness can go from mild to strong and Culadasa provides a list that goes from mild to strong to progressively deal with this obstacle.

He recommends the following:

Take three or four deep breaths, filling the lungs as much as possible, and hold for a moment. Then exhale as forcefully and completely as possible through tightly pursed lips.

Tense all the muscles in your body until you begin to tremble slightly, then relax. Repeat several times.

Meditate while standing up.

Do walking meditation.

Worst-case scenario, get up, splash cold water on your face, then go back to practicing.

Eliminating thoughts causes dullness

Another cause of dullness is "when we turn the mind inward, [it] reduces the constant flow of thoughts and sensations that usually keep the mind energized and alert. Therefore, the overall energy level of the mind drops. With less stimulation, the brain winds down toward sleep, and the mind grows dull. This normally happens when we’re fatigued or at bedtime. In meditation, it’s not just turning inward that decreases mental energy, but when we focus on the breath too intensely and for too long, we are also excluding the thoughts and sensations that usually keep the mind alert. This is another reason why 'looking beyond' the meditation object with peripheral awareness is so important. When we stay aware of things in the background, we continue to stimulate brain activity and won’t sink into dullness."

Thoughts in meditation

Culadasa says, "there is a common misconception that stilling the mind means getting rid of thoughts and blocking out all distractions. Often, students try to suppress these by focusing more intensely on the meditation object. This may seem like a reasonable strategy. Yet brute force never works for long in meditation. You simply can’t force the mind to do something it doesn’t want to. Also, since you have increased your mindfulness throughout the preceding Stages, you’re more conscious than ever of all the background mental activity, which also makes suppression impossible."

"Stilling the mind means reducing the constant movement of attention between the breath and gross distractions. The key to doing this is directing and sustaining attention. However, to succeed, you’ll also need strong peripheral awareness, so you can notice potential distractions before they actually capture your attention. For example, when you’re carrying a full cup of hot tea through a crowded room, you want to sustain your attention on the cup while remaining aware of everything else around you. That way you can avoid a collision. Similarly, keep your primary focus on the breath and simply allow all other sensations and mental events in your peripheral awareness to just be there. Let them come, let them be, let them go."

The Mind Illuminated

This is a long book, and like Seeing that frees by Rob Burbea, it pays to master the earlier material before moving onto the more advanced material to ensure efficient progress.

There are ten stages, so there is potentially years or decades of practice instructions in this guide. He describes what the meditator is to expect if they are diligent:

“[When] you have mastered Stage Ten and achieved the fourth and final Milestone when [concentration] typically persists from one regular meditation session to the next. Strong desires are noticeably weaker, negative mental reactions rarely occur, and anger and ill will virtually disappear. Others may find you generally happy and easily pleased, relaxed, agreeable, unaggressive, and peaceful. You will be relatively immune to disturbing events, and physical pain won’t particularly bother you. On mastering Stage Ten, the mind is described as unsurpassable.”

I’ll leave you with Culadasa’s quote from the Anapanasati Sutta, which encapsules good practice:

Experiencing the mind while breathing in, he trains himself. Experiencing the mind while breathing out, he trains himself.

Making the mind tranquil and fresh while breathing in, he trains himself. Making the mind tranquil and fresh while breathing out, he trains himself.

Concentrating the mind while breathing in, he trains himself. Concentrating the mind while breathing out, he trains himself.

Releasing the mind while breathing in, he trains himself. Releasing the mind while breathing out, he trains himself.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Developing Introspective Awareness

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT1HpYIg-oE[/embed]

The Nature of Ultimate Reality

The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Using Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science - Culadasa: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781501156984/

Dharma Treasure: https://dharmatreasure.org/

The Anapanasati Sutta: http://psychreviews.org/category-contemplativepractice-theanapanasatisutta/

Thanissaro Bhikkhu - Mental Stirrings: https://www.dhammatalks.org/Archive/y2004/040227%20Mental%20Stirrings.mp3

Contemplative Practice: http://psychreviews.org/category/contemplativepractice/

[vikfixx]

Neuromorphic Computing: Mimicking the Human Brain

Neuromorphic computing aims to mimic the way that the brain works. It’s an alternative to von Neumann computer architectures that use fixed-function hardware. Instead, it uses interconnected processors that act more like the brain’s neurons and synapses to perform tasks. It is more flexible and scalable than traditional computers.

Scientists have studied this model for decades, and in the last decade it has become a focus of research with the goal of implementing it into computers. A large variety of designs, implementation methodologies and prototype chips have been developed in this vein. However, they all share one common objective – to achieve human-level artificial intelligence (AGI) within the same energy budget as the human brain does.

This is a significant challenge, especially for complex tasks like pattern recognition which requires a lot of computation. The main problem is that the current generation of computers rely on digital circuitry to do the processing, and it consumes enormous amounts of power.

To lower this power usage, researchers have been experimenting with various neuromorphic designs, including transistors that act like the spiking behavior technology has change over the year of neurons. However, this is only part of the picture. Another crucial factor is capturing the intracellular processes that produce action potentials. To do this, they need to be able to capture the ion channel-based events that occur in neurons when they fire.

The new chip developed by Han and his team is the first to do this. Its artificial neurons are made from a type of vanadium oxide that’s been treated to allow for repeated partial temperature cycling. This enables it to store memory. Han and his team are hoping to eventually apply this technology to autonomous cars, robots and Internet of Things (IoT) sensors.

The artificial neurons are also smaller than those in the human brain, which is one factor that could help them operate at lower power levels. They also use conventional CMOS semiconductor technology, the same kind used in most integrated circuits (or chips) found in today’s devices.

Neuromorphic computers are largely modeled after the neocortex, where higher cognitive functions like sensory perception, motor commands and spatial reasoning occur. They also aim to explore the multitude of neuronal firing patterns that work together to produce consciousness.

Although the chips technology website can only emulate certain aspects of the human brain, scientists have already used them to develop prototype machines that are demonstrating some promising results. For example, the Tianjic chip can recognize objects and follow moving targets. It can also detect odors and answer questions about them. In addition, it can recognize faces and tell the difference between them. The project is currently collaborating with Cornell University to teach it how to identify a range of smells.

[fuzzyfoxtree]

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[mentalisttraceur]

question: how is birth possible in a topological world, as in a world where everything can be stretched or contracted but not broken or cut apart?

hypothesis one: inside every person, exist infinite other 'people' (they might not be people yet, but they can be. no amount of energy can leave and no amount of energy can enter, but it can be recycled and its form might change) who are separate from the initial person and may be born under the right circumstances. everyone can give birth theoretically, whether they have the organs required or not, because there are infinite outcomes for each universe in the this world and thus there is a 100% probability that someone will give birth in one of those.

hypothesis two: everyone is the same person. when someone new is born, theyre also the person who gave birth to them, however now an invisible ''string'' ties the two of them together. they might not be consciously aware of it, but everything surrounding them (the trees, the humans, the animals, the stars, the atoms, their parents etc) is also a part of them and theyre also a part of it.

question: is our universe topological and if yes, which one of these hypotheses is true (one, both or neither)?

the questions may or may not be rhetorical.

TL;DR: Unknowable, and probably not worth getting super invested in until you can pin it down to a predictive difference or efficiency-of-prediction difference.

Sorry for the delay anon (I think this was asked sometime in May, maybe earlier).

1. Is our universe topological?

So, for nature-of-the-world questions I don't really consider "is [...]" to be particularly answerable. I prefer "is so far empirically indistinguishable from [...]" and "is most elegantly explained/modeled as [...]".

As far as I can tell, we live in a world whose observable physics, at least at the macroscopic level, are more elegantly/efficiently/straightforwardly explained by having separate and separable objects.

While that doesn't prove anything, I'd say explanatory/logical elegance is correlated-with/predictive-of making correct predictions, and as you might remember I consider that to be the basis of logic, and thus part of the basis for any belief beyond raw current experience, so you can probably see why my interest diminishes at that point.

I don't see any obvious sound way to totally preclude a "topological" (everything is one/fused/connected) world. If I was seriously investigating that model, I'd want to check if you can make it work without any super-luminal deformations. If it does require super-luminal deformations, I'd be super hesitant to take it any further. I'd also want to know what else it promises/gains over the current widely accepted models.

The other thing I'd want to make sure is addressed in a topological world model: you ever see someone trying to walk dogs? One dog would do, but two or more makes my point faster. See, dogs don't really understand leashes. They just do their thing, not compensating for the leashes at all. They will very quickly create tangles. I'd want to know what your solution for tangling without super-luminal deformations or information propagation is (or a good argument for why the only super-luminal effects are not actually a problem/contradition for everything else).

I do find it fun to idly try to reintepret what we know of subatomic particle interactions as between one topology-preserving Thing. Like, when you understand a proton as a rapidly changing arrangement which at any given moment is probably best modeled as three quarks (two "up", one "down", except which is which is constantly changing aiui) with strong nuclear force (I think they call it "color force" now?) interactions between each other... well, can we instead imagine those fundamental force propagations and state changes as topology-preserving changes between one thing? Sure, and we could probably re-use string theory for this - instead of vibrating n-dimensional branes you get vibrating n-dimensional protrusions of some larger thing. Okay. Sure. We can probably make it work, my intuition is that you might even be able to achieve feature-parity with the standard model. But then what? What does the extra complexity of all the topology manipulations gain you?

2. How is birth possible?

The same ways as in a non-topological universe remain available. Maybe you can think of others, but again, what does it add? Both of the hypotheses you state strike me as being in the same knowability class as a soul or a god. In principle unknowable, and all existing evidence is more simply explained without those things being real.

Long before you get to questions of topological vs not, you're implemented on neurons which are built out of molecules made up of atoms which themselves are made up of subatomic particles (some of which are made up of yet smaller particles - for example electrons seem to be best understood as not being made up of anything smaller, but protons seem to be best understood as made of quarks).

These things are so far removed from how human minds seem to be implemented in the brain wetware that I don't think it actually makes much of a difference if there's little strings connecting the building blocks which are orders of magnitude smaller.

In any model consistent with what we know of physics, you probably aren't that underlying topology-preserving substance. You'd be a cascade of information processing being done by pieces which are orders of magnitude larger.

(But if the topology-preserving substance is experiencing/cognition/mind-stuff, then to me of the two possibilities you suggested, the second one seems more likely, that we're all one extension of some greater whole, because of all explanatory models that have been empirically or logically testable, ones that add convenient infinities to the mix to make things work seem to always turn out mistaken or equivalent in predictive/modeling power to ones without such infinities. But that doesn't really rule it out. And again there's a functional equivalence there so can you ever really know which of the two it is? If there's enough telepathy-like information sharing between infinite distinct souls which are always topologically connected, even if it's only at specific moments, it kind of becomes equivalent for practical purposes to just being one huge soul with good ability to think/imagine many parallel isolated experience streams.)

---

I once found comfort in the permanency, connection, and potential to affect the world offered by views like this. Believing that you are part of some larger eternal connected whole. That when this flesh puppet stops being able to pump electricity over neurons and chemicals between them, you won't really cease. That we can really touch other minds and stay in touch. That when the next powerless situation is upon you, you might have found a way to affect things. I've grown comfortable with being in a world that doesn't offer that. In most possibilities where it's true and matters, worst case I'll find out and adapt after I die. What else does it offer while I'm still alive?

[lissust]

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Spiritually, agarwood or Oud oil has been used just for mind-calming exercise and even prayer. Common to strengthen your feelings and strength, remove detrimental vitality, and even help support increased consciousness plus elevated individual development. Agarwood essential oil can be utilised solely or perhaps in the variety of various required cooking oils. Remember to always weaken before using topically. Jojoba oil together with fractionated avocado petroleum are good options for dilution. Necessary skin oils really are incredibly powerful that will cause soreness in the event employed in superior concentrations. Always check so that you can dilute your own fat right before making use of and even speak with your well being caution medical specialist before employ in case you are expecting or perhaps breastfeeding. More effective could be to follow the link and even go to this acknowledged a way to have knowledge of Oud essential oil.

[everdreamart]

Read my Thoughts

The journey through Aeor only gets more confusing as eye powers are thrown into the mix.

OR

An accidental telepathy fic where Caleb shares a bit too much to a certain drow.

Relationship: Caleb Widowgast/Essek Thelyss (Shadowgast)

Rating: Teen and Up

~~~~~

Things in Aeor are strange. Magic Especially. A teleport can send you miles away from target, and a spell gone wrong can make you bald! However, Aeor's atrocities were put on the backburner when Jester's weasel turned out to be her 'god' and the red eyes adorning the Empire Kid's bodies started to show power.

Darkvision was one thing that was quite startling to Caleb. He hadn't really noticed it with the constant flow of light emitting from Caduceus' staff and his own globules. It wasn't until Beauregard said something that it really occurred to him. Even more surprising was the telepathy. The ability to transcend one's thoughts into the mind of another. A mental link for shared knowledge. All sorts of possibilities flowed into Caleb's mind. How useful this could be in their upcoming battles with Lucien.

"Woahhhh Caleb I can literally HEAR your thoughts! Slow down a bit!" Jester marveled.

"OH Oh Beau! Can you read my thoughts??" Yasha exclaimed.

"Hey let's give it a try-" Beau smirked.

"Ok who do I love? Oh wait thats dumb.." Yasha mumbled. The rest of them started to laugh a bit.

Caleb shifted his gaze over to Essek. The drow's soft features focused on the commotion going on around him. A confused expression painting his face - no doubt from the sudden talking weasel - in a show of momentary openness. Throughout their travels in Aeor, Essek had slowly let the shadowhand persona slip away. Caleb liked this version much better. The way emotion displayed itself on Essek's face was new and nervous, but the man was truly trying to change. That alone caused something to swell in Caleb's heart.

Immediately, Essek's head snapped up and looked over at Caleb in surprise. Caleb looked away as soon as he turned his head. Did Essek hear him? He needs to get a better hold of this power. Fast. Swallowing hard, Caleb simply nodded, before turning his gaze back to their laughing friends.

-----

After a day of hard trekked travel, the Mighty Nein stumbled into the tower for a night of much needed rest. It was then that Caleb's mind started to wander. What exactly is transmitted through this telepathy? Feelings? Words? Images? The beginning pricks of worry started to crawl into his throat. Would he have to wrestle every one of his thoughts down so the others wouldn't be plagued by his memories? He glanced at the glaring red eye adorning his palm. Thick red lines seared into his skin flawlessly. Watching. Staring. Certainly these powers come with a price. And Caleb didn't know what that price was.

There's nothing he can do right now. Stay on task, Widowgast. Maybe something from the papers he picked up earlier will have more information about their enemy. With an idea for distraction in place, Caleb floats up to the library to begin opening the amber. He settles on a couch opposite from a crackling fireplace as he does so, the comforting warmth washing away the stress of the day.

Piles of books and papers fill the floor in front of him. Excitement and curiosity begin to tug at his mind. Caleb reaches out and grabs one of the dusty old tombs, tracing the foreign writing in awe. So much knowledge, packed in the papers around him. So much information to be learned and so little time.

"It's quite incredible, is it not?" A soft voice comes from behind him as Essek glides over to Caleb, staring at the collection of books.

"Ja. After our business is concluded, I would love to study more of Aeor's history and research."

"Well, we have a few moments now, do we not?" Essek smiled softly as he looked at Caleb.

And just like that, they were off. Reading through ancient texts, occasionally bouncing theories back and forth. The constant whirring of intellect trying to process the thoughts of mages from far beyond their time. It was invigorating.

However, from time to time, Caleb found it hard to keep his focus. His eyes constantly wandering back to the drow sat beside him, nose buried in a book. His thin white brows creased into a focused expression, eyes full of wonder and curiously, devouring the age old texts. The way his mouth would curl into a subtle smile when he found a particularly interesting section of text. Or how he would nibble at his lower lip when frustrated about something. He wondered if those lips would feel as good as he imagined. How soft and delicate.. Oh how glad Caleb is to have moments like these, just him and Essek.

At some point while Caleb was lost in his thoughts, Essek looked up. Violet eyes meeting blue ones.

"I uh.." Essek clears his throat. " I found a section that you might find to be interesting." He smiles and looks away.

Oh.

How much did he hear? How many of those thoughts slipped through in his tired state? Apparently enough for the subtle hints of purple creeping on the edges of Essek's ears to catch Caleb's attention.

"I think it's time for me to head to bed. I require more sleep than you do, after all," Caleb said as he stood up. It was awkward, for a moment. The silence was heavy, and he didn't dare steal a look at the drow beside him.

-----

Having your thoughts known to others feels like quite a violation of privacy. Caleb thought as he laid in his bed. I need to get a hang of this.

It took a while for him to get even close to falling asleep, for his mind was racing with thoughts.

He was on the edge of consciousness when he heard a small knock on his door. Surely all the nein are well into their sleep right now, so that means that the only person this could be is… a lump formed in Caleb's throat as he opened the door. Essek stood in front of him, a foreign expression adorned on his face.

"I hope I wasn't disrupting your rest. I would like to talk… if you don't mind?" He spoke softly as Caleb gestured him into the room.

It caught Caleb's attention immediately that the man wasn't floating, but walking instead. They sat on the couch as he responded, "Ah, I was having some trouble sleeping. You weren't interrupting anything. What is it you would like to discuss friend?"

"I ah.." He fidgeted with his fingers. The drow wasn't wearing his usual mantle, but instead the more comfortable robes that were provided to him from the tower. Caleb let his eyes momentarily linger on the way the clothing frames Essek's small figure. The way the deep blues and purples frame his gorgeous dark skin. Caleb promptly tries very hard to stuff these thoughts down.

"I took notice of the recent… developments of the eyes on beauregard's and your bodies. It… concerns me. The acquisition of such powers surely means that something was taken in exchange, and I am unsure of what that was." Essek says with worry laced in his voice. His eyes rise to meet Caleb's.

"..ja. I too am a bit uneasy about the current situation. Though it just makes our goal that much more important, does it not?" He replied, flashing a faint reassuring smile.

"I guess it does." The other wizard's gaze falls to his lap.

'That's not really what you came here to talk about. Is it?' Slips from Caleb's mind before he can even think to stop it.

The drow visibly flinches in surprise, then sighs slightly. "There was something else on my mind, yes."

Caleb slowly, ever so slowly, reaches his hand over to touch Essek's. "I'm here if something is wrong."

He is very aware of what Essek was referring to. However, he doesn't know what is going through the other man's brain, as thin smooth fingers meet his calloused ones halfway. A slight smile plays at the corners of Essek's mouth, and Caleb once again feels his focus begin to slip. He focuses on the feeling of Essek's hand in his. Soft skin, clearly not used to the harsher weather of the frozen wasteland as of late, his fingers only rough in the areas where one would hold a quill.

Strands of silver-white hair hover on his forehead, slightly covering vibrant violet eyes. Oh it is a sight to behold. Dark skin growing impersivibly darker. How he works at his bottom lip nervously. Caleb finds himself fighting back the desperate want to feel this man against him. To hold him close and study his features on a much more intimate level. Essek's ear twitches.

"I ah… I thank you for your.. Compliments..?" He stutters out as his face flushes an even darker shade of purple.

Something inside of Caleb breaks, and he finds it becoming increasingly harder to hold back the growing need to bring the wizard close.

"I apologize for not being able to return such… appraisal," the drow mumbles out, looking anywhere but Caleb's eyes. His other hand raises up Caleb's arm, settling on the crook of his neck. "I hope I can live up to your expectations, Widowgast." He smiles nervously.

Caleb's mind goes blank. Soft lips brush his own and his restraint vanishes. They crash together in feverish movements, a warm pressure on his lips that grounds him in the moment. It's so much better than he could've ever imagined. The sensation of Essek's mouth on his is something he wants to savor forever. He wants to memorize every movement and feeling of the man pushing against him, as if this was a rare slip-up and it would never happen again. Maybe he was dreaming after all, but the feeling of Essek starting to nibble at his lower lip quickly reassures him that this is very much real.

Something sharp catches Caleb's lip, and he recoils a bit in surprise. Essek immediately pulls back, a flash of worry crossing his face.

"Fangs." Caleb mutters out, breathless. "I was not aware you had fangs."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" he gets cut off by Caleb leaning in once more, capturing his mouth hungerly. His fingers lace through Essek's hair as he pushes onto him, desperate to be closer. More. He wants more.

Apparently Essek heard him, as the drow parts his mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Caleb runs his tongue over the sharpened points of Essek's fangs, feeling a shiver as he does so. They merge together, desperate to taste each other. To explore every inch. It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. He wants this moment to last forever.

They pull away after what feels like hours, but still isn't long enough. Essek's breath dances on Caleb's lips, mere inches away. Caleb smiles and presses another quick kiss to Essek's mouth.

"I think you far surpassed my expectations, Thelyss."

[whumpster-fire]

Safety in a World of Daemons

So one really scary thing about a world of corporeal daemons is just how vulnerable it makes you. Everyone basically has two bodies, one of which is often much smaller and more fragile than a human body, and a lethal injury to either of them will kill you, and also you can’t be more than a certain distance apart or you’ll suffer excruciating pain / lose consciousness. Now, while Lyra’s world has a decent amount of modern technology like internal combustion engines, electric lighting, plastic textiles (aka coalsilk), and nuclear power (atom bombs and “atomcraft” get mentioned it seems like it’s socially The Good Old Days when child labor was widespread and OSHA didn’t exist. But what safety measures would a more modern society develop to keep humans and daemons safe?

Seatbelts developed and came into wide use earlier in Lyra’s world compared to ours, compared to the development of motorized vehicles. The myth of being “thrown clear” of a crash could never take hold to nearly the same extent, because people may not understand the forces involved in being flung through a windshield and skidding a hundred feet across pavement and the damage that does to your body, but everyone has an intuitive understanding that if your smaller/lighter daemon sitting in the front passenger seat bounces off the windshield, or ends up in the footwell, or gets “thrown clear” a hundred feet across pavement in a different direction, you’re probably going to be lying unconscious in the middle of the road. Cars typically have modular restraint systems to accomodate different daemon forms. Daemons should NOT stand on the dashboard, on the seat headrest, on their human’s shoulder, or on their human’s lap while their human is driving.

The “Drybox.” This is a device which can be used to keep small daemons with non-cold-tolerant forms safe from hypothermia in water survival situations. It’s basically an airtight container or bag you can put your daemon in and seal off, that’s connected to a pair of one-way valves with the inlet valve connected to a mouthpiece. This is meant for situations like airplane (or zeppelin) water landings. The way it works is you breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth into the tube. This will push air out the outflow valve, and completely replace the air in the container in a few breaths. Yes I’m aware that you breathe out CO2 which is toxic. Exhaled air is about 18% oxygen and 4% CO2, and breathing extra rapidly might result in more oxygen and less CO2 in exhaled air. 18% O2 is roughly equivalent to going up 5,000 ft in altitude, and 4% CO2 is below the levels that cause suffocation, so a daemon shouldn’t die from breathing air that’s been through human lungs once for a few hours. It would definitely feel awful to use one, but it’s safer than a daemon in the form of a small animal being soaked to the skin and half-immersed in cold seawater while bobbing up and down in the waves. Some versions can be connected to an oxygen supply or a manual pump instead.

If you are on an airplane or helicopter and the oxygen masks deploy (not a zeppelin, they don’t go high enough to need them), put your own mask on first, and put your daemon’s mask on second before you mess with anybody else’s. If only one of you has oxygen then you’re going to pass out but the one who has oxygen will be functional for a bit longer; therefore it is in your best interests for the one with opposable thumbs to get the mask first. People with monkey daemons please stop arguing with flight attendants about this. If your daemon has a form that can’t easily wear an oxygen mask, there are quick-connect adapters available, as well as containers that a smaller daemon can climb into, but these may be slower to use. In some cases it is best to form a “Buddy system.” If you have a trusted friend or family member seated next to you whose daemon can easily wear an oxygen mask, it may be safer to put their daemon’s mask on before your own to make sure they remain capable of putting your masks on. Yes, you will have to break the taboo to do this, but that’s better than death or brain damage from hypoxia. Some bird forms can get enough oxygen at high elevations that they don’t need a mask. For your safety, most national aviation regulations require that you declare your daemon’s species when purchasing a ticket and only sit in your assigned seat, so that you can be placed in appropriate seating and be provided with any specialized safety equipment you need prior to the flight. Children with unsettled daemons must demonstrate that they have the ability to memorize and follow an evacuation plan that includes changing to an appropriate form.

Daemons have no need to ever wear collars to identify themselves, but it’s surprisingly common to see larger daemons that can’t be carried by their humans wearing a harness and a brightly colored leash. This isn’t a fashion statement, it’s a safety device. Most humans and daemons are always careful to keep track of where each other are, but it’s not foolproof, and when boarding a train, or an elevator, or a bus or streetcar, in a crowded place where you might be distracted and everyone else is distracted, there is a risk of your daemon being caught on the other side of a door from you. If you are boarding or getting off a bus or train or elevator or anything like that, and you see a leash caught in a door, you slam the nearest emergency stop button IMMEDIATELY.

There are a lot of other environments where people and daemons need to be physically strapped or tethered together - e.g. whitewater rafting, boating. If they can’t be attached to your life jacket, then unless they can fly they need to have their own life jacket and be tethered to you, because otherwise getting swept apart by rapids or current could pull you out of range, and falling off a motorboat going at, like, 30 mph or faster could pull you 50+ feet away from them faster than either of you can even react to jump off after each other, and even with a life jacket being in the water and unconscious or incapacitated from pain is really fucking dangerous.

Same goes for climbing. I don’t care how good a climber your cat or squirrel daemon is, or if they can survive massive falls without injury, because if they free-fall five stories then either you will lose your grip and fall, or end up dangling limply from a rope.

Lockout Tagout systems are designed so that anyone accessing dangerous machinery has two keys, one for themselves and one that their daemon has to wear at all times. If your daemon is too small to wear the key, then they have to be in a locked cage that is physically attached to you, and the key to the cage is attached to the lock that you lock out the machine with. Mechanics’ daemons have a habit of crawling into tight spaces to look at things their humans can’t see or reach, or retrieve dropped tools, and at some point at least one idiot took their lock off while their daemon was still in a hazardous area and got a safety regulation made in their honor when somebody else turned on the machine.

Yes, your daemon needs eye/ear/respiratory protection in the shop/construction site. Unless your daemon’s shape completely prevents you from performing essential job functions (like a crocodile daemon and you need to climb ladders) your employer cannot terminate or refuse to hire you based on your daemon’s form, and they are legally required to provide you both with appropriate safety equipment.

[starfirette]

Chapter Six: Backtalk Is For Losers

Alstroemeria, Chapter Six: A bit of backtalk gets you into trouble with the infamous Lance Corporal Ackerman.

grand masterlist | previous chapter | more levi | join the taglist: inbox | next chapter coming soon!!!!!

tags: @kuxredere | @luvelyxp | @fan-g0rl | @levisbrat25 | @a-dream-is-reality | @89staytinyzen21 | @cqptainlcvi | @the-average-mastermind | @carlyandthechocolatefactorsugar | @akaashisowl​

a/n: Levi is heeerrreeeeeeeeeee. 

There was a pain that you could sense even before you open your mind to the subject of complete consciousness. It trickled down into your right big toe.

You slowly sat up after you opened your eyes to a row of empty cots made with plain white linen and one flat pillow. You rubbed your eyes, looking around to the majority of the room that was, to say the least, depressing. All along the walls were shelves and cupboards made from dark, grainy wood, set with vials and mason jars of who knows what. 

You reached for the little nightstand on the side of your bed, set with only a tarnished bell that you pressed with your palm. 

Moments later, you could hear shuffling and footsteps coming down the hall. The door opened open, and to your dismay, an unfamiliar woman entered with a glass and a pitcher of something that sloshed with ice. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked. 

You watched with mild shock as she poured you a glass of ice water and held it out. Your dry tongue yearned for the glass, and you took it and gulped it down in a moment. 

The woman gave you a refill. 

“Who are you?” you asked after one more drink. 

“I am the on call surgeon for the survey corps,” she explained, setting the pitcher down on the racketing side table. 

“I’m at the survey corps?” you asked. Your brows contorted with confusion. “How long have I been...?”

“About four days,” she explained. “You were badly hurt during the battle of Trost and you lost a lot of blood. Your injury required twenty two stitches, all on your lower back, where you had a five centimeter deep gash after being dropped on a rock fragment.”

You were dumbfounded. “Four days?” Four days for such a minor injury? 

“You must have needed the rest,” the surgeon said with a simple shrug. “Your friends attested your long day of hard work.”

“Why am I with the survey corps?” you asked. “Where are the others?” You’d been  half tempted to ask for your friends, but you didn’t really have friends. You had people you’d trained and bunked and fought with, but not ‘friends.’ 

“You are one of the few cadets that seemed to be close to the asset. Captain Ackerman has been waiting for you to wake up so that you can be questioned.” 

Questioned? Captain Ackerman? Asset? Though none of that answered your question about the other cadets, it explained why you were at the survey corps hospital. 

The surgeon explained Eren as the asset, and Captain Ackerman is the man in charge of anything related to Eren.  Captain Ackerman wanted to know about Eren, from every point of view possible.

You drank the rest of your water before crawling out of bed. You could feel the stiff sutures rub against the fabric of your shirt. The ache of the injury stiffened your movements as you paced back and forth across the length of the room like the doctor had asked of you. 

She made a note on the parchment pad she held before setting it down and making way to the cabinets that lined the wall. It was filled with syringes made of brass and had foggy glass jars filled with powders and pills capsules. 

She leveled four scoops of a thin, white powder and placed it in a small drawstring bag. “That’ll be for the pain,” she says. “Mix one spoonful it into water or tea before bed and again as needed. The survey corps only allows one dosage of painkillers per injury, so you will not be getting any refills. Try not to get addicted.” 

You were tempted to toss the bag back towards her. “Addicted?” you said with wary. 

The surgeon shrugged. 

“What’s your name again?” you asked. She lifted her brows. 

“I am Kathie Perrine, head of surgery and chief assistant to Hanji Zoe, the lead on science and medical research here at the corps.” Kathie reached for the glass frames that were tucked into her shirt pocket, unfolding the arms then placing them at the bridge of her nose. “The captain will give you more information on your room detail and other housing matters. You and the other cadets will be given the formal opportunity to choose your branch of desired service after Eren Jaegar’s trial. Captain Ackerman’s office is up the staircase outside the room, at the right hand wall. It’s the very first entrance.”

You clutched your bag of medicine tightly, nodding and trying to soak up all the information you could. It felt like Kathie was trying to get you out of the surgery as soon as possible, even though you didn’t feel ready yet. 

“What if I get lost?” you asked before you budged. 

Kathie looked lost herself. “Ask for directions. You’ll get it.” 

As you walked out the double surgery doors, you felt like Kathie wasn’t too concerned with you getting to the apparently important Captain Ackerman. Maybe you’d get lost in the giant place and die. Maybe you’re stitches would rip open and you’d bleed to death on the stairs. 

It felt like it would happen as you climbed the steps, wincing as the tightly closed wound on your back stretched with every movement. It was worse than the sort of stretch you got when your knee was scabbed. It was real. 

This was all real. You were at the cadet corps in God knows where, about to meet God knows who. 

But you had been assured by Miss Perrine that Captain Ackerman would set you straight with your living details and your new assignments. Then you could get the hell out of here. 

The survey corps was not a place you wanted to be. 

With every step up the winding staircase, you could remember the agonizing noises of wailing and screaming on the roads of Trost. 

You looked at your hands; you flex and clench them, looking at every detail of your skin. You had been scrubbed down. No dirt and blood was jammed underneath your fingernails. 

What was that boy’s name? 

You suddenly remembered him as you took a stark right, looking at the oak door to Captain Ackerman’s office. 

You hesitantly rapped your knuckles against the door. 

“Enter,” a stern sounding voice sounded from beyond the oak. 

You turned the brass handle and opened the door to a neatly put together office. It was a normal looking one, with a large wooden desk, stacks of yellowish parchment and leather bound books. You were completely stunned to see who must be the one and only Captain Ackerman. 

He wasn’t like you’d imagined at all. For one, he wasn’t old. At least, he didn’t look like it. He was older than you, by maybe ten or so years. His hair wasn’t white or gray, but rather a deep shade of black that had undertones of violet in the candlelight. 

He was sorting papers, not bothering to look up as he spoke. “Name?” 

“Y/n L/n,” you stammered, offering a weak salute. You felt strangely embarrassed by the greeting, wondering if he’d look at you and wonder why on earth you were doing such a pose. It didn’t feel like he was a captain. He felt like something much more intimidating. 

His eyes finally met yours, and you felt like you’d been slapped in the face. Sharp and steely as they were, they were darkly beautiful. He had a stern looking expression, one to match his voice, and the finest bone structure you think you’d ever seen. 

He did not look like he belonged in the survey corps. He looked like he belonged in the royal courts at the interior, maybe even on the arm of a princess. 

“Yes, miss L/n,” he murmured to himself as he searched through his papers. “Have a seat.” 

You strained to do so without meeting his gaze as he looked back and forth between files. 

“I am Levi Ackerman, a squad leader here. For the time being I’m also taking the lead on the Eren Jaeger case. I’ll be asking some questions about Jaeger and I am expecting your full, honest answers. Now, until you’ve chosen a corps to serve in you’re going to be residing here and answering directly to me.”

He looked at you for confirmation when you did not answer, a thin eyebrow raised high. 

You stammered, “Oh, yes sir,” as a pathetic reply. 

The captain tutted under his breath. “Room assignment is seven in the girls hallway,” he said then, going through his papers. He didn’t sound like he really wanted to be going over this all with you. “Sauna and showers every morning at seven sharp for the females. Breakfast seven thirty. Lunch is optional, all noon. Dinner eight in the evening. Questions?” 

“No, sir,” you quickly said. You could remember all of that. Maybe. 

“Let’s talk about Jaeger.”

It was an abrupt topic change, one that you didn’t quite welcome. To be honest, you didn’t want to be here at all. You were in the total dark about everything. Where was Krista and Ymir? 

And Armin, and Mikasa, and even Eren? 

Reiner? 

The last image that you could muster into your brain was clutching Eren’s limp body in your arms. You remember trying to pull him free of the titan corpse and then nothing else. 

“Last time you and I met, you had been recently injured,” Levi noted. “How is that?” 

You blinked. “I’m sorry,” you muttered, “but I don’t actually remember meeting you.” 

The captain impatiently tapped his pencil “The injury?” he repeated.

You felt your face flush with warmth and embarrassment. “Better,” you said quietly, using a hand to feel the medicine in your pocket. 

“And was that induced by Jaeger?” 

“I don’t think so. No.”

“Do you think, or do you know?” the captain asked. His eyes were a stronghold, trying to force their way into your nerves. 

“I-No.”

“So, you know, then?” the captain asked. He leaned back in his chair, using his forefingers to massage his temples. “It’s a simple question.” 

“No.” You spoke firmly. “Eren did not hurt me.” 

“You do not remember meeting me,” the captain drawled, “but you remember clearly that Eren did not hurt you?” 

Floundering was the only way to describe how you were currently feeling. The captain seemed to know every way to make you feel flustered and feverish. 

“This feels oddly like an interrogation, captain,” you said before you could stop yourself. 

His eyebrows lifted in shock. You could see the age in the crinkles around his eyes as he finally let his face relax. Late twenties, maybe even around thirty, you estimated. 

“Let me correct you, cadet,” the captain said slowly. “This is. Did you know Eren Jaegar was a titan?” 

Your eyes would have rolled out of your head if you could widen them any wider. “Absolutely not,” you snapped. “I wasn’t under the impression that any human could be a titan.” 

“If I were you I would very quickly adjust that attitude, Y/n,” the captain said smoothly. It shook something in your belly when he said it. His dark eyes were unwavering and they peered into you with no remorse. 

“I did not know. I don’t know Eren, really. He and I were never friends.” 

“Were you close with the Armin boy?” Levi asked as he looked at his pages, making some notes in the margin. 

“No.”

“And the girl?” 

“Your relative?” you asked for confirmation. 

The captain looked surprised again. “Do not begin to assume anything about me, L/n,” the captain said carefully. “Though she and I share the surname, I do not know her. That wasn’t the question. Were you, or are you, close to Mikasa Ackerman?” 

“...No,” you said again, feeling the strain of frustration tugging at your jaw, keeping your mouth tense. 

“Were you ever threatened by Jaeger?” the captain proceeded to ask. 

“Never. I hardly interacted with him.” You crossed your ankles.

“Then why help him?” the captain asked. 

You paused. You looked at the captain with a blank expression. 

He lifted his eyebrows again, silently repeating the question with what you would have imagined to be a tone of annoyance. “Is there a problem?”

“Is there some reason I shouldn’t have helped him? Does that make me a bad person? An accomplice? I would have liked some support, had it been me. I can’t understand why you don’t understand about-”

“About?” the captain challenged. He wore a strange sort of smirk, as if he were impressed by your impending outburst; it was like he’d been waiting for it all this time. 

“About human decency,” you concluded. 

The captain had a mask of amusement on his face as he folded his hands overtop his desk. “You’re a stark change from the usual cadets around here.”

“How so?” you asked, feeling your face sizzling with impending embarrassment. 

“You’re a much bigger dumbass than most of them. In the two interactions we’ve had together, you’ve proven yourself to be quite stubborn. You refuse to die, and yet you also refuse to comply with human nature. The nature in this compound is that I am your captain and I ask you what I ask you not to humiliate you, but to form a solid basis of what I’m dealing with. Eren Jaeger is not a usual situation. I will not have usual reactions. Despite that, I expect you to behave like a cadet should behave. You’ve made your impression. Those are all the questions I have for you today. Report to your quarters, change into uniform, then report here immediately.”

“For what?” you asked, your voice squeaky with humiliation. 

“For janitorial service. Problem with that?” 

His challenging tone was just daring you to talk back one more time. 

You ground your teeth in a hard clench. “No, sir.” 

“You are dismissed,” the captain said with a small wave of his pale, slender hand. You could see the scars and callouses that littered the top of his palm even from your seat across the desk. 

Standing to your feet, with your fists clenched at your side, you offered Levi a stiff salute; you didn’t mean it, without a doubt, but you didn’t want to risk getting in even more trouble. 

“Dismissed, cadet,” the captain said again. “I expect a swift return.”

You have never felt so completely humiliated. The captain had practically gutted you in there. Your legs trembled by the knees as you stormed out of the office. 

You paused in your steps, groaning, then you turned around again, making your way back inside. 

“Yes, cadet?” the captain asked, sounding exhausted as he immediately pinched his nose in frustration. 

“I forgot my room assignment,” you muttered, avoiding meeting his gaze. 

“Room seven, girls’ hallway,” he said. “I can write it down if you’d like.” 

“No thank you. Sir,” you added before he could bitch again. 

It was a slap in the goddamn face to have to march up to your room while knowing you’d have to march back down and face your first ever corporal punishment. 

The girls’ hallway was marked by a little plaque on the door. All the doors were made of the same kind of heavy oak with grains and lines from the aged tree it’d been born. No numbers were put up. You had to count a few times, unsure of how the rooms were meant to be numbered. Down one wall, then back the other? Or alternating? 

You hesitated to enter the room you thought would be yours. You knocked a couple of times, while pressing your ear up against the door to hear any answers inside. 

The room, though muffled, was undeniably silent. You opened up the sticky door, the door swinging into the room. 

It was a plain room, but no doubt better than the group bunks you had at the training academy. One unmade cot was pressed up in the left corner. Your familiar trunk of belongings sat on the bare mattress, alongside a set of sheets, a woven quilt, and two dismal pillows. 

There were no windows; rather the light source for the rest of your days here would be the oil lamp or the three large candles sitting on the pathetic looking desk pushed up against the north facing wall. 

Wow. You sure got lucky with room number seven, you bitterly think to yourself as you slam the door shut behind you. Stalking forward you could feel the slight pain in your back as you threw open your trunk. You felt relieved to see your belongings packed in it. It must have been brought after the attack. 

As you sifted through, looking for your uniform, you felt rage boiling in the pit of your stomach. The prickly, uptight Captain Ackerman had an easy time brushing off your attitude and asking you insensitive questions about Eren. Who knows what Eren’s feeling right now? His experience compared to the others that suffered in Trost is entirely different, but likely just as traumatic. You couldn’t imagine how he was feeling. 

Really, you couldn’t imagine how anyone was feeling.

You thought back to Fable, her baby Bree, and that boy who was just around your age, whose name you’d forgotten. You felt nauseous as you imagine the fate that could have befallen them after they left with your horse. 

You didn’t want to know the details. You’d rather go on the rest of your life assuming they made it to their little farm in Fairkelt by Stohess. 

Just as you didn’t want to know the details of their adventure, you certainly didn’t want to know what happened in Trost after your injury. You feel lucky for not remembering the injury itself, or your apparent first meeting with Captain Levi Asshole-man. 

Four days has been long enough to clear out the titans and assemble the dead. 

You took your time buttoning up your shirt as you tried to keep the Captain waiting for as long as possible (without getting in even more trouble). Maybe if you just barricade your door, he’ll give up and let you go on your way. 

Doubtful. 

You shoved your feet into your knee high boots, strapping up the buckles as you eyed your trunk you’d moved to the floor. It was a little bit pitiful to look at the small room and realize you didn’t even have enough belongings to fill it up. There wasn’t even enough clothing to constitute owning a wardrobe. 

You kicked the trunk out of the way as you stalked out of the seventh bedroom in the girls’ hallway. 

Your back did feel stiff and achy as you sped walked to Captain Ackerman’s office. 

As you walked down the stairs, you could see him waiting outside of his office door, leaning against the door frame with a bucket of water and a lame mop. 

“Reporting for janitorial duty, sir,” you scowled as you salute him. The captain simply gestured for you to take the mop. “In the future,” he said as you took the handle, “you will be expected to know where the cleaning supplies are, as you will have to get them yourself,” 

“Thank you so much, sir,” you scowled again. 

“Cadet, your attitude is the reason you’re doing this,” the captain said carefully. “I would suggest keeping that attitude of yours in check for the duration of your stay.” 

If you had the balls to do it, you would have made a retort featuring something about his height. It was surprising how short he was. You couldn’t tell by him simply sitting, but on his feet, he didn’t even exceed 5-foot-four. 

You chose to keep your mouth shut the way he’d so lovingly suggested. 

You dunked the mop head into the water before slapping it against the stone floor. “Happy mopping, cadet. I’ll make sure to leave my office door open if you have any questions. I except the hallway and the staircase to be done after thirty minutes. Then we can review your next cleaning assignment.”

Thirty minutes, you think angrily as the captain turns his back on you to retreat into his stupid office. Just how long would this little punishment last? 

You got to work mopping the hallway outside of the captain’s door; his office seemed to be the only one down here, so you didn’t have any luck of running into your acquaintances. While you wanted to ask him about any of them, you had a small feeling he’d be of little help. 

You supposed that you couldn’t blame him. If he truly were managing Eren Jaeger’s case, he must have an enormous amount of work he needs to get done. Your testimony, though filled with ‘attitude’ may have helped him some, and he needs to properly log it.  How stressful. 

Such a job would produce wrinkles in the forehead. 

Looking at him as he works, you can see that while he may be older than you, his face is rather smooth. You’d peg him to be in his later twenties. 

You were stunned to look from his office to the corridor, and seeing a young woman approaching. You blushed. You didn’t want her to think strangely of you for continually glancing into the Captain’s office. 

“Good afternoon, miss cadet,” the woman said kindly. You lamely gathered a salute as you got caught in the warmth of her eyes. She was incredibly beautiful. She had soft hazel eyes, and wavy reddish brown hair that tickled her chin and neck. 

“Is Captain Levi available?” 

Levi must have heard the woman’s voice. He quickly stood to his feet, pushing down his stack of papers and striding out of the office. 

“Petra,” he said smoothly. His voice was noticeably kinder than it had been when he had spoken to you. 

“Hello Captain,” Petra replied with a voice so genuinely sweet. “I see you’ve been working hard. Already giving poor cadets janitorial punishments? She’ll never want to join the survey corps now,” she added, throwing a small wink your way. 

You would have laughed if you weren’t so flabbergasted by the captain’s change in demeanor. 

So he could be nice! You supposed any one would be nice to a young woman as pretty and charming as Petra. So, that’s not you. Not that it matters. 

You don’t need the captain to like you, mostly because you have no intention of staying in the survey corps longer than you have to. You’d certainly had enough of death and destruction to last you an entire lifetime. The Garrison unit just made sense. 

It’s not as if you had any other options. 

You did your best not to eavesdrop on the conversation Levi and Petra were having. You mostly wanted to listen for details on any of your friends, maybe even Reiner or Krista. Any familiar mention of the two would make you feel somewhat better for being trapped here. 

“L/n,” the Captain called. 

You jolt with a start. You cast your eyes into the office, the sole point you’d been trying to avoid until now. “Yes, captain?” you asked meekly. His gaze combined with Petra’s made you feel strangely sick. 

“Finish up with the staircase,” he said dismissively, immediately turning his attention back to Petra, as if he hadn’t just spoken to you. “Then you’ll be escorted to the mess hall for dinner.” 

You blinked back tears of absolute ignominy.

Petra noticed how you’d been silently struck by the captain’s curt words, and she tugged his sleeve, whispering something to him with her eyebrows sternly furrowed. 

You weren’t sure that you could bare the weight of their eyes any longer, or even the potentially cruel response from the captain. 

You strained to pick up your bucket. You knelt down, wincing at the strain it put on your stiches. The flat soles of your boots left imprints on the wet floor as you slowly walked up the stairs of the spiral case. 

Water sloshed over the bucket as you struggled to place it somewhere constructive. Rather than listen to Petra and the Captain, you tried to decide how the hell you would go about mopping stairs. It was very compelling as you tried to block out the small laughs that Petra let out downstairs as they discussed the “shitty new batch of cadets.” 

You felt slightly unnerved at the thought of the captain shit talking you to Petra. What did you ever do to that man? 

You’d done nothing. You couldn’t be expected to not get angry when the captain likes a dickhead. You dunked your mop into the bucket before you sloshed the head of it around on the first step. 

As long as Captain Ackerman is apart of this corps, you’d never, ever join. You would rather slap the man in the face then tell him to shoved. Straight up a titan’s-

A slight scream left your mouth as you felt the heel of your boot pushed the bucket of water back. It clunked against the steps, spilling the water across the way and gathering beneath your boots. The flat soles did nothing to save you as you felt the entire world tipping backwards. 

You tumbled down the hard set of stairs, shrieking so abruptly at the pain that you bit your tongue hard. 

It was a hard thump at the bottom of the steps, your head cracking against the stone floor. 

“Oh, m--!”

You could hardly hear the rushing footsteps to your side as Petra’s light feet slapped against the floor. 

Her light head of hair appeared over you, her eyes wide as she knelt down to your side. 

“Are you alright?” 

No. You were not alright. You were laying in a pool of your own blood because your stitches pulled open. You opened your mouth to reply, to maybe even ask for help, but the blood from your tongue seeped out in a mixture of your saliva. 

This seemed to truly frighten Petra as she called for the captain. 

“No,” you begged her, wiping your mouth as you tried to sit up. “Not the captain.” 

“Christ, L/n,” the captain swore as he exited the office. “I only asked you to mop. Is that something to throw yourself down the stairs over?” 

He came to your side, just by Petra. He rolled the white sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows as he examined your wounds. “Ah, shit,” he muttered. 

You flinched under the captain’s touch. His arm swept underneath your back, pulling you to sit upright. His hand tugged at the blood soaked hem of your shirt. His palm felt warm against your wound. “Shit,” he said again. “Okay, you’re going to the surgery.” 

“No,” you said quickly. You used the back of your mouth to wipe the spit from your mouth. “I just came out of there.” 

Petra looked horrified at your words. She whirled her head towards the captain. “She just came out of the medical unit,” she gasped. “And you already had her go onto janitorial service?” 

Levi looked flabbergasted. He didn’t bother to say anything. Surprisingly, he just kept his mouth shut as he swept his other arm beneath your legs. You tried to push out of his arms as he rose to his feet. 

You were slightly shocked at how strong he was, especially considering his height. 

“Medical unit,” the captain said sternly. “Now.” 

“I can walk there,” you argued, still squirming under the feeling of his strong hand clasped across your wound. 

He met your eyes with his own. It was a strange sight. Up close, his eyes were less dark. They were a smoky grey, with little wisps of crystalline blue seemingly fracked into the irises. 

“Let me do my job, cadet,” Levi said as he continued to carry you down the hall. 

You felt so close to tears as you earned glances of confusion from the wandering soldiers. While the captain didn’t seem to mind, you really did. You hated feeling so exposed and helpless to a person you didn’t even know. You fought in the Trost battle, for Wall’s sake! You could make it to the surgery all on your own. 

Shame doused over you as Levi kicked the door of the surgery open, immediately demanding a bed and attention for you. You hated the way he said your name. Cadet Y/n L/n sounded almost like an insult. It didn’t take a genius to know that the captain doesn’t like you very much; perhaps some reason is your own fault. Even so, you felt like you didn’t deserve to be judged based off a first interaction. 

Or, second interaction, if you count the captain’s claim that he met you during Trost. You couldn’t remember that no matter how hard you tried, in the same way you couldn’t remember Fable’s friend’s name. 

Kathie Perrine stalked towards you and Levi, rolling her eyes practically to the back of her head when she recognized you. “Back for more?” she asked you. 

She gestured a thin hand to one of the made beds. 

You tried to crawl out of Levi’s hold. He didn’t let you. Instead, he placed you gently on the mattress. 

And then he left. 

You looked after him, shocked that he had managed to be so nimble and graceful looking even with his hand covered in your blood. You blushed as Kathie approached you, looking not as gentle as Levi had been. “What happened?” 

You started to unbutton your shirt as she gestured for you, mumbling in a low voice, “I fell down the stairs.” 

“You fell down the stairs?” Kathie said for confirmation. A little part of you was willing to be that she was repeating it to rub it in your face. She sighed. “Well, lay on your stomach girl. I’m going to have to close them up.” 

You cringed. “Is there any way for me to be unconscious during this procedure?” You begged. 

“Not unless you want me to hit you over the head with a lead pipe,” the doctor said. “I can give you a drink of whiskey, though,” she added hopefully. 

You accepted. 

You downed the two shots Kathie measured out for you before turning to lay on your stomach. Her hands were cold against the sticky, warm mess of your wounded back. They didn’t feel anything like the captain’s had. 

You tried to focus on the captain’s hand as Kathie made the first stitch. 

You wonder if he felt bad, at all. You wonder if he’s discussing just how lame and clumsy you are with Petra. Sure, a small part of you knows you slipped on your own accord, but majority of your brain blames the captain. He had to have known you’d just gotten out of the medical unit. 

Oh, but maybe that’s just how it works in adult life. Perhaps you’re just used to being coddled by Commander Sadies; it was strange, thinking that Sadies was the nice one in comparison to the 5′3 captain. 

“So, what happened?” Kathie asked. 

You clutched onto a pillow, trying not to tear the fabric apart and release the feathers. “I fell down the stairs while mopping.” 

Kathie snorted a laugh. You didn’t exactly appreciate it. 

“Well,” she said, “I suppose you learned your lesson. I’m tempted to put you on bed rest...but, with Eren Jaeger’s trial coming up, you’ll need to attend.” 

You strained your neck to look at Kathie. “Why do I need to attend?” 

“The captain wants you to. Captain Ackerman, that is. He’s been postponing this trial for days, waiting for you to wake up. You were a key witness, you know. He was adamant that you attend. You’ll have to go in a wheelchair.”

You dropped your face into your pillow. “’Wheelchair?!’” you repeated, sounding (and feeling) mortified. 

“Trust me, there’s lots of soldiers here that would kill to be put onto wheelchair rest. You’ll be in it for a week.”

“What about my room?” 

“Hmm,” Kathie hummed as she did one last stitch. “I suppose you’ll be sleeping down here. I can send someone for your belongings, if you wish. Don’t worry, I won’t be too mean to you.” 

You winced at the feeling of her stitching, taking comfort when she told you all she needed to do now was bandage you. 

There was a small levee on the wall, made from a wooden handle that poured water from the embedded spout as she pulled it. Kathie dunked a cloth into the water bucket and grabbed a roll of cloth bandages from one of the taller cabinets on the wall. 

You braced yourself for the freezing water, and hissed as Kathie put the cold washcloth to your skin. 

“If you didn’t want to be uncomfortable, you shouldn’t have fallen down the stairs,” Kathie said in cool tone.

You turned your neck once to glare. “The captain put me on janitorial punishment,” you explained, your voice sounding just slightly snotty.

Kathie tutted. “So soon? I’ll have a word with the captain. Not the first time he’s overworked my patients.” 

The captain has a history of this? 

Ugh. 

You pulled your pillow closer to your face. You focused on the fabric threads, your eyes going cross eyed, as you mumbled, “I don’t think he likes me very much.” 

“Trust me, kid,” Kathie laughed. “He doesn’t like anyone.” 

When the bandages were done, Kathie helped you roll over onto your back.

As you nuzzled down into the bed that would be yours for the next week, you had one thought that stood out against the others. Anyone, except for Petra. 

“I’ll bring you a tray of dinner tonight, and with that you can take your painkiller. I’m giving you a stronger dose, so it might make your stomach uneasy. I’ll send someone up for your things here soon, alright?” Kathie set a folded, linen shirt on your lap. You were bracing your chest with the blanket from the cot. 

“Alright,” you mumbled as you slowly tugged the cloth over your head. It’s not as though you have a choice. “Miss Perrine?” you call before she can leave. 

“Yes?” 

Your cheeks felt warm and rosy before you could speak. “Did you, by any chance, treat a patient by the name of Krista Lenz?” 

Kathie shook her head without any thought. “She a friend of yours?” 

“You could say that,” you shrugged. You didn’t want to feel to sad to hear that. It’s good to know that Krista wasn’t hurt. 

“I can ask around. I’ll see if she’s stationed here. Do you want me to let you know?” 

You carefully leaned back against the propped up pillow you pushed behind your neck. “That would be lovely,” you murmured. “Thank you, Miss Perrine.”