#and dating without actually dating

[ambssssssssss]

Find Our Harmony

Five times Rumi is held by Mira while she sleeps and one time Rumi holds Mira instead.

Also read on AO3

ONE

The first time it happens, Rumi doesn’t have the energy to resist. She’s absolutely exhausted, physically and emotionally, from the exceptionally long day she’d had. From the failed Idol performance, to the big, onstage fight that revealed her patterns, to Mira and Zoey aiming their blades at her. That alone had been enough to break Rumi, to shatter her fragile self-image into a million pieces and then the hits had just kept coming. Jinu betrayed her, Celine tried to act like everything could be fixed with long sleeves and a sweet lie. Rumi had watched her inner demon come forward, her skin glowing with patterns and her eye changing shape and color, an unearthly growl seeping into her voice no matter how hard Rumi tried to keep it out. 

Rumi’s faults and fears had been put on display for the world to see. When she’d walked into that arena, filled with mindless drones singing praises at their demon idols, Rumi hadn’t been certain that she’d walk out again. She didn’t have Mira and Zoey, she barely had herself. But she still had her voice and maybe it wouldn’t have been enough, but it would’ve been something. Another life saved maybe. That would’ve been enough. 

We are Hunters, voices strong. Slaying demons with our song. Save the world and make it right. When darkness finally meets the light. 

Rumi’s darkness had met light and instead of being bathed in the shadows she’d feared her whole life, she’d been met with fractals of light. Mira. Zoey. They were just as broken as Rumi, in their own ways, but their broken pieces fit together like a puzzle, the fractures filled with gold. Not seamless, not perfect, but real and whole and beautiful nevertheless. It was something like peace, even if they weren’t strong enough on their own. 

Then Jinu sacrificed himself and Rumi shattered all over again. Not physically, not a complete collapse, but the edges of her freshly mended heart chipped away, cracks in the same pattern as the likes that decorated Jinu’s skin. Still, his sacrifice gave them the advantage they needed to create a new Honmoon and seal Gwi-Ma away again. The magical lines aren’t gold, but they are strong and true and Rumi knows, deep in her soul, that they’ll keep the demons at bay. 

The endless night turns to day and their work isn’t quite done yet. The demons had been defeated but now HUNTR/X had the much more dangerous issue of a possible PR scandal. Bobby handled it beautifully, as he always does, and their fans are able to accept that battle for the world as very elaborate special effects. Rumi’s patterns are not quite as vibrant to the naked human eye, but they are visible and it doesn't take long for fans to notice them. The tattoo excuse is flimsy but it’s not like they can explain what the patterns actually mean. Their fans, as adoring and trusting as always, praise Rumi’s new look and, after hours of signing autographs, taking pictures, and dodging questions about the Saja Boys, HUNTR/X is finally able to go home. 

Rumi, exhausted from the physical and emotional toll of the day, stumbles as they leave, only to be caught by Mira’s strong hands on her shoulders. She flinches away from the touch without meaning to, and though a brief look of hurt crosses Mira’s features, she doesn’t let go. Zoey comes up to Rumi’s other side and takes her hand. 

“Sorry,” Rumi says, unable to look either of them in the eye. “I just -” 

“It’s okay.” Mira replies, squeezing Rumi’s shoulders lightly. The patterns are warm beneath her palms. “Let’s go home. The couch is calling my name.” 

“Couch! Couch! Couch! Couch!” Zoey cheers, pulling Rumi along by the hand. Rumi laughs as she follows, her overwhelming desire to sleep for at least a day alleviated by the warmth of Zoey’s hand in hers and the steady pressure of Mira’s hands on her shoulders. 

Half an hour later, the three of them are piled on the couch in their living room, a mountain of food piled high on the coffee table in front of them, and thoughts of everything except getting some well-deserved rest pushed far from their minds. It feels deliberate when Mira and Zoey pull Rumi down to sit between them, but Rumi doesn’t have the presence of mind to think about it. She eats her weight in noodles and snacks, not really paying attention to anything but how cold the apartment is. She’s traded her normal hoodie for a tanktop and she’s surprisingly cold as a result. Rumi doesn’t mention it to the others, who are too busy competing to see who can put the most food away while some random show plays on the television mounted on the wall in front of them, but eventually the mountain has become more of a hill and the three of them are curled on the couch. 

Zoey curls up with her head resting on the arm of the couch, her favorite fluffy blanket wrapped around her and her feet stretched to rest across Rumi’s lap. Her eyes are big and bright as she focuses on the television. Mira and Rumi had let her pick what they watched now that they were done eating and she had picked one of her favorite movies from growing up in America. Rumi was still sitting near the middle of the couch, though she’d moved over slightly to allow Zoey the room to stretch out. She’s looking at the screen without really taking anything in, replaying the events of the day before in her mind over and over again, until a soft touch brought her out of her thoughts. 

It’s Mira, who had unearthed a second blanket and had thrown it over Rumi. She moves a bit closer on the couch, wrapping her arm around Rumi’s shoulders and rubbing her hand along the upper section of Rumi’s arms. 

“You looked cold.” Mira says when Rumi gives her a questioning glance. 

“I’m not used to wearing short sleeves.” Rumi manages a half smile with the words. Mira hums softly and inches closer. Her voice drops a little lower. 

“I won’t ask if you’re okay, because that’s a dumb question.” Mira says. Rumi huffs a laugh. “But I will ask if there’s anything I can do? Anything you need?” 

Rumi hesitates, opening and closing her mouth a few times before she finally shakes her head. She doesn’t know if she’s really processed everything that’s happened in the past two weeks but she knows that she’d spent hours feeling lost and alone and that was the scariest part of it all. 

“Maybe just - stay. With me.” Rumi shifts closer, lets her head fall onto a slim but strong shoulder. “I really don’t want to be alone right now.” 

“We’re not going anywhere.” Mira squeezed her shoulder again. “I won't leave you. I promise.” 

Rumi nodded, sinking into the warmth of Mira at her side. She freed one of her hands from beneath the blanket, resting her palm on Zoey’s calf in her lap, and finally let go of the tension building in her body. Her muscles relaxed, Mira shifted her to rest more securely against her side, and Rumi found her eyelids drooping further down with each passing second. She was asleep before the movie finished its first act, safe and warm between her friends. 

TWO

The second time Rumi falls asleep on Mira is an accident. They’re in the studio again, working on their new album. Technically, HUNTR/X is on hiatus at the moment. They’d earned their three months off with blood, sweat, and tears, but none of them were able to switch off completely. They hadn’t performed since the failed Idols, but they’d made a few public appearances. Never planned, never coordinated, but enough to keep both them and their fans satisfied for the moment. One fan's hope for new music had spurred the trio into action, lyrics and beats flowing from their lips like they used to. It’s easy, simple, and free. 

They lose track of time easily when they’re tucked away between the walls of their home studio. They’d made the executive decision early in their career to ban their cellphones from the room in the name of limiting distractions, which had the predictable effect of also ensuring that they were basically unreachable while they were recording. Celine would be able to get through to them sometimes, and Bobby would let himself into their condo if they took longer than a few hours to respond but aside from those two, no one could find them. It was exactly what they needed to get their music made. 

They’d worked out a system for their music years ago. They’d start with the lyrics, getting a chorus or a bridge or a verse and then finding a beat that matched it. Once they had a base, it was time to explore it, roundtable style. They’d work together to find the words and the chords, shouting suggestions until they had something usable. Then, once they had a song rather than an idea, they’d split to their own talents. Zoey would refine the lyrics, Mira would take over finalizing the music and overall style of the song, and Rumi would work out the harmonies and line distribution. This had been Celine’s job back when they started, their mentor often favoring Rumi ahead of the others, but Rumi did her best to make it even. She’d never wanted to be a solo act and Zoey and Mira both deserved their time in the spotlight. 

They had finished one song and were starting on another when the lack of sleep Rumi had been getting started catching up to her. She hadn’t been sleeping well since they created the Honmoon, her dreams interrupted by visions of hellfire, golden demon eyes, and anguished cries of the people she held dear. She saw Jinu’s last moments over and over again, but the smile he’d had the day of was replaced by a pain filled grimace. The cheers of the HUNTR/X fans were drowned out by screams. The glow of the Hunters weapons that Mira and Zoey wielded were blinding as they plunged deep into Rumi’s stomach. 

Rumi would wake up, sweaty, pale, crying, with nothing but the glow of her patterns and the soft fur of Derpy the tiger for comfort. She could only be thankful that she hadn’t been crying out in her sleep. She didn’t want to make Mira or Zoey lose sleep either. The nights leave Rumi with heavy circles beneath her eyes, covered with makeup, and a miserable lack of energy. 

Now, sitting in their studio with Zoey mumbling lyrics to a new song while she scribbles away in her journal and Mira sitting close at her side, absently strumming on a guitar, Rumi can feel her limbs growing heavy with sleep. She doesn’t remember what she’s supposed to be doing in preparation for their next song and she doesn’t have her phone to distract, so it’s only a matter of time until she begins to lean to the side. Her head finds the back of Mira’s shoulder, her eyes falling closed at the same time that her breathing slows and deepens. 

“Oh.” Zoey squeaks when she turns with an idea, only to see their leader asleep on Mira’s shoulders. “Should we take a break?” 

“Just let her sleep.” Mira responds. She glances at the lavender hair on her shoulder. Her lip quirks into a small smile. “She clearly needs it.” 

Zoey agrees, flipping to a new page, but there’s something about her smile that makes Mira narrow her eyes at her. 

“Are you ever going to -” 

“No.” Mira interrupts, freezing in place when her unintentionally loud voice makes Rumi shift in her sleep. Rumi stirs slightly, mumbles something that neither of them catch, and then settles again. “She’s got enough on her plate already.” 

Rumi, awake enough to know that Mira is speaking but not enough to track her words, moves closer, wrapping her arm around Mira’s middle in an attempt to get more comfortable leaning against her. She doesn’t feel the way Mira’s breath hitches at the contact or the knowing smirk in Zoey’s eyes. A beat passes and the other two members of their trio turn back to their tasks, Rumi’s soft snores grounding them both in the moment. 

THREE

The lights are low, the covers drawn over the windows as the adrenaline fades from the trio of superstars soaring through the sky in the aftermath of their first comeback concert. The performance had been a raving success, from the songs to the choreography to the harmony of the HUNTR/X on stage. They moved around one another with grace, trading smiles and even a few quick jokes as they pass one another. Their smiles are genuine, their voices unwavering. Rumi’s patterns seem to shine beneath the stage lights, mesmerizing the crowd. Even Mira seems momentarily distracted by the blue-purple-pink lines that slice across Rumi’s skin when they have a few moments backstage for a costume change. 

The fans are screaming for an encore at the end and the trio pulls out a stunning performance of ‘How It’s Done’ to end the evening, leaving them sweaty and panting as the lights fade and the crowd roars. The descending platform that guides them to the space beneath the stage moves them out of sight, where they are quickly ushered into their dressing rooms to change into comfortable clothes for travelling. 

An hour later, the HUNTR/X jet is flying high, and the girls are settling in for a few more hours of travel before they’ll get to the hotel in the next city. Their comeback tour isn’t a massive one, only a handful of stop compared to their last one, but after three months of down time, they’ve sort of fallen out of the rhythm of it. Rumi doesn’t mean to fall asleep before she’s even done eating her post-concert snack. She doesn’t even realize she’s fallen asleep at all until she’s gently woken up. 

“What’s ha-” 

“Nothing, nothing, we’re not there yet.” Mira says. It’s her hands on Rumi’s shoulders that had woken her up. Rumi blinks at her in sleepy confusion. Mira half-smiles at her, eyes soft in the dim lighting of the plane. “You were sleeping with your head hanging weirdly. Your neck is gonna hurt like a bitch if you keep that up.” 

Which, yeah, Rumi can already feel the crick in her neck from the awkward sleeping position and she’s vaguely aware that she’d been holding chopsticks in her right hand when she’d fallen asleep, but those are gone now. A sleepy glance to the side reveals the chopsticks and the noodles she’d been eating had been set in the cupholder for her. Rumi looks back at Mira and makes a soft noise, almost a laugh, almost a huff, that manages to communicate her understanding and appreciation. 

Mira smiles and it’s different than her normal smile. Softer, somehow. Rumi finds herself smiling back before she stretches out her neck and yawns so wide it makes her eyes close. Mira is sitting beside her when Rumi’s eyes open again, her phone in hand. Rumi is still just sleepy enough to not hesitate in leaning her head against Mira’s shoulder. Mira accepts the weight of Rumi against her with a quick shift of her weight, her own head tilting to rest against Rumi’s. 

Rumi watches over Mira’s shoulder as she scrolls through various social media feeds, occasionally popping in to comment or react to their fans showing them all the love after their concert. She threads her arm around Mira’s at one point to double-tap a post and then leaves her hand there, resting on Mira’s arm. Her eyes are drooping again when she feels Zoey join them on the large seat. Zoey lays her head in Rumi’s lap, eyes locked on her own phone. Rumi’s free hand comes to rest gently on top of Zoey’s head and then she’s asleep again. 

“You know she-” 

“Shut up, Zoey.” 

Rumi is woken up again as the plane is coming in for a landing, Bobby cheerfully announcing that there’s a crowd of fans waiting to greet them despite the late hour. The trio of pop stars rallies to the occasion, leaving their jet with warm smiles and waves to the crowd, but they don’t linger for too long. Rumi ushers Zoey along, the youngest member of their group also having taken a catnap on the plane and as such is slightly less reactive than normal, and Mira follows behind them like a guard. They pile into the SUV waiting for them, Rumi and Zoey both drifting in and out sleep as they make the short drive to their hotel. Mira, the only one other than Bobby who is fully awake, gets them into the elevator and then into their room. 

Zoey collapses into bed without prompt, and Rumi is awake enough to chuckle softly as the younger girl wraps herself in the blankets. Mira huffs, a sound that communicates amusement, annoyance, and fondness all at once as she plucks Zoey’s phone from her hands and sets it to charge. When Mira steps into the bathroom, Rumi shakes herself awake enough to pull their suitcases into the room, set their alarms for the morning, and lock up the hotel room before she changes out of her travel clothes. She’s just pulling down the blankets on the second bed when Mira returns to the room proper, also changed for bed. Rumi settles beneath the blankets and watches Mira look between the beds. 

“There’s no way I’m getting even an inch of that blanket.” Mira says, looking at the blanket burrito that Zoey had made around her. Rumi laughs softly. 

“Probably not.” She agrees. Mira shoots her a glare that only makes Rumi laugh more. She gestures to the open other side of the second bed. “Just share with me.” 

“Oh.” Mira pauses and for a minute, Rumi isn’t sure why she would hesitate at the idea of sharing a bed. Rumi’s been making a habit of falling asleep against her shoulder everywhere else. Why would a bed be different? But then, Rumi remembers that they’ve never done that. Before her patterns were exposed, Rumi wouldn’t have offered to share her bed. She wouldn’t even be in the room with them, too scared that they’d discover her secret and isolating herself in an attempt to avoid it. 

“I mean, if you want. I-I-I don’t mean that you have to sleep with m- in the same bed as me.” Rumi feels a flush rising up her face. She’s never been particularly tongue tied or nervous, at least not around Mira, and she doesn’t have the energy to analyze why she is in that moment. She just knows that she feels safe when Mira is beside her and for the past few months, the only time she hasn’t had nightmares is when she fell asleep beside Mira. 

“Don’t have a conniption, Rumi.” Mira says. There’s a physical shift in her that Rumi can tell is a manifestation of the inner walls Mira has being made stronger, though Rumi can’t fathom why Mira would need to build up her walls here, in their hotel room with Zoey asleep and Rumi bleary eyed and half-asleep herself. “If you wanted to sleep with me, all you had to do was ask.” 

Rumi groans and throws herself back onto the pillows behind her. Mira is almost cackling as she rounds the bed and crawls in beside her. Rumi finds herself laughing along, turning on her side to watch Mira settle with hazy, half-amused eyes. She waits until Mira is settled before she slides over, placing her head in the crook of Mira’s neck. She feels Mira tense and then relax and has just enough presence of mind to check in. 

“This okay?” Her voice is muffled by the sleep creeping in. She feels Mira’s arm wrap around her, hold her closer. 

“Yeah.” Mira says. She waits until Rumi is asleep before she speaks again. “It’s everything I’ve ever wanted.” 

FOUR

They’re three weeks into their tour when it happens again, but Rumi can admit that it’s not exactly an accident anymore. There’s comfort and safety when she’s near Mira, when Rumi’s able to let go of the pressure of being their leader, both on stage and off, and allowed to just be for a moment. To breathe. Mira never complains when Rumi inevitably ends up lounging against her, or when Zoey joins them and they become a pile of tangled limbs and hair that gets everywhere. She’s tense at times, her spine straightening like she feels like she has to stand taller whenever Rumi leans on her, but she never admits that anything is wrong when Rumi checks in. 

It’s the second half of their short comeback tour and Rumi can feel the tiredness creeping in more and more. Touring is incredible and exciting and something that Rumi will never take for granted, but it’s also a gruelling, demanding series of events with very little downtime. Between travel, rehearsals, actual performances, plus interactions with VIP fans and promotional duties, tours are mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. The Honmoon is still holding strong and they haven’t had to justify getting a new plane because theirs was hijacked by demons or sliced in half, but that’s the only thing that keeps the tour from transitioning from draining to exhausting. 

They’re on a bus instead of a plane. It’s midday and the small space is bustling with activity. They’ll go straight into a sound check when they get to the venue, an unfortunate result of the interview they’d done first thing that morning, so they spend part of the drive refreshing the setlist and their minds for the performance to come. They aren’t lacking in songs to choose from, with a five year discography to choose from, and they’d silently dismissed ‘Takedown’ from ever being performed live again. They didn’t want to remind their fans of the very public fight the song had been last time. They didn’t know that demons had been masquerading as Mira and Zoey. 

Bobby is explaining their rather tight schedule for the next few days when it starts to be too much for Rumi. She’s already fighting off a lack of sleep induced headache - she’d never travelled well on buses - and knowing that it’s going to be more of the same for the next few days isn’t reassuring her. She listens just enough to offer an affirmative sound when Bobby asks for one and then collapses back against the couch when he moves away to speak with the makeup artist on board. 

“Hey, you okay, Rumi?” Zoey asks her softly. Rumi nods and offers the girl a smile. 

“I’m fine. Just a headache.” She replies, shrugging sheepishly. “I’ve never slept well on these things.” 

Both Mira and Zoey blink in surprise. It’s something that they should have known well before now, Rumi knows. This is hardly the first time that they’d ridden on a bus for multiple days in a row. They’ve been doing this for five years. This shouldn’t be new information to them but it is and Rumi can’t help but feel guilty about that. Her shoulders drop in an attempt to make herself smaller. 

“Oh, well,” Zoey shares a look with Mira that feels significant. Rumi can’t decipher it. The two of them reach some kind of conclusion though as Mira leans back against the cushions with an expectant look towards Rumi and Zoey darts away from them, returning a moment later with two small, disposable cups in her hands. “Here, take these.” 

Rumi does so robotically, already leaning towards Mira’s side like a magnet is pulling her there. Her confusion must be visible on her face or in her body language as after she’s swallowed the two pills and handed both cups back to Zoey, Mira speaks up. 

“We have enough time for you to take a nap.” Mira explains, directing Rumi’s head to her shoulder like it belongs there. Like there’s nowhere else that she expects Rumi to have her nap other than pressed against her side. 

“Don’t we have things to do before we get there?” Rumi asks, but she’s already settling into place, wrapping her arm around Mira’s waist and curling her feet up on the couch. Her toes end up tucked beneath Zoey’s thigh when she joins them again. 

“Nothing that’s more important than you getting some rest.” Mira answers. 

“We’ve been doing this for years. They barely need us to run any of the pre-show stuff.” Zoey agrees. She has her switch in her hands now and Rumi can hear the soft sounds of one of her usual, mindless games coming up. One that she plays to pass the time rather than because of a good story or challenge. 

“We’ve been on the road for almost a month.” Mira’s hand brushes through Rumi’s hair, just beside her signature braid. “We can take a break for a few hours.” 

Any protest that Rumi wants to make dies when Mira’s hand continues to play with her hair, gently so she doesn’t mess up her hair, but enough that her nails scratch against Rumi’s scalp in just the right way. Instead, Rumi sighs, presses closer to Mira’s side, and lets the sleep that she’s been lacking take over her. 

“She certainly looks comfortable there.” Zoey remarks once she’s sure that Rumi is asleep. Mira is still absently playing with Rumi’s hair, a faraway look on her face. “So do you.” 

“Zoey.” 

“Mira.” Zoey matches her tone. “C’mon, Mira. You’re going to have to tell her eventually.” 

“There’s no rule that says that.” Mira can’t look her in the eyes. Zoey rolls her eyes and turns back to her game. 

“When are you going to admit to yourself that those walls you’ve built up are pointless? She’s already on the other side of them and you know it.” 

Mira doesn’t respond. 

A few hours later, Rumi wakes up in almost the same position that she fell asleep in. She’s still curled against Mira, but Zoey has moved further down the bus to get her makeup done. The open countryside outside has been replaced with the familiar sights of an upcoming city, dense traffic included. Rumi yawns and rubs her eyes but she doesn’t pull away from Mira yet. 

“Have a nice nap?” Mira asks. Rumi nods.

“Thanks for being my pillow.” Rumi says as she pulls away. Mira turns to her with a smile, the features of her face highlighted with her usual stage makeup. Rumi wonders if Mira had stayed there, letting Rumi sleep on her shoulder, while her makeup was done instead of risking waking her up by moving. The thought makes her feel warm inside in a way that has been growing increasingly familiar over the past few months. 

“Anytime.” Mira promises. Rumi knows she means it. 

“Oh, good, Rumi. You’re awake.” Bobby says as he comes up. “You’re up next for makeup. We’re just under an hour out from the venue. I’ll have your pre-concert carb load waiting in your dressing room.” 

“Thanks Bobby.” Rumi stands, and stretches. The bus sways slightly and Rumi feels Mira’s hand on the small of her back to steady her. 

“No problem, girls. You know I’m here for anything you need.” Bobby smiles at them. “Oh, and you’re already trending. Those HUNTR/X pre and post concert cuddle pics are doing numbers online.” 

Rumi raises an eyebrow as Bobby is distracted scrolling, sharing a look with Mira. Now that she’s certain Rumi is steady on her feet - not that she was ever unsteady, but Mira had reached out before she thought about it - Mira’s hand drops back to the couch cushions and she gestures towards the makeup chair with her chin. 

“Go make your face even prettier than it already is.” 

As her makeup is applied, Rumi pulls out her phone and finds the trending pictures. As Bobby said, the pictures are of the three members of HUNTR/X resting together. The first is from their first night on tour, with Mira resting her head against Rumi’s, who is curled against her side. Rumi’s other hand is resting gently in Zoey’s hair, the youngest girl resting with her head in Rumi’s lap. All three of them appear to be asleep in the picture. The second was one that had been taken only a few hours ago. Rumi is the only one asleep in that picture, but Mira and Zoey are both the picture of relaxed grace on either side of her. 

In both photos, Rumi can’t help but notice how peaceful she looks. All the tension in her body is gone. She’s almost smiling in her sleep, an easy, unconscious joy that brings a smile to her face now as she looks at them. She saves both photos to her personal HUNTR/X album on her phone. 

FIVE

The tour ends with a great deal of fanfare and more than a few tears - from fans and stars alike - but it does come to an end. Their condo in HUNTR/X tower is warm and inviting when they get home, the couch calling to them with an offer of unmatched relaxation. Rumi is unsurprised to find both Derpy and Sussie in her bedroom. They’d both been frequent visitors while the tour had been going on, but they’d stayed out of sight for the most part. Rumi is happy to see them both, laughing slightly as they both jump up to greet her and the motion makes Sussie’s hat almost come off. 

Rumi takes a long shower, washing away the layers of sweat and makeup and the pressure of an ever present audience so that when she finally emerges, fresh faced and hair down, she feels more like Rumi again. She dresses in shorts and a cropped tank, drying her hair until it’s no longer dripping before she steps back into her bedroom. Derpy and Sussie follow her out when she heads towards the kitchen, greeted by Zoey’s excited squeals when they enter the room. 

The trio spends their dinner time talking animatedly about the tour, scrolling through the videos and pictures and comments posted online with joy. They snap a picture to share with their fans before Rumi mutes her phone for the night. It’s not particularly late, but Rumi can feel sleep calling her name already so it’s not long after dinner that she bids the other two a good night and retreats back to her bedroom. 

She’s been too busy with the tour for the nightmares to creep in, but despite the exhaustion she feels, all the bad dreams she’d been subconsciously holding back when sharing space with Mira and Zoey come rushing in. But they’ve changed. 

There’s still hellfire. There’s still the voice saying that Rumi could never be enough, that she doesn’t belong because she’s an abomination. There’s cries of pain and outrage. There’s Rumi’s voice being taken over by something dark, something angry. But there’s also Zoey turning her back on Rumi, ignoring any attempt Rumi makes to get her attention. There’s the voice of Jinu in her ear, a whisper full of disdain and hate. 

‘You honor my sacrifice by loving her?’ 

There’s a flash of familiar pink hair. The glow of Mira’s spear as she spins it in her hands. The blade comes to a stop, pointing at Rumi’s chest. Rumi can see her reflection in the metal of the mystical blade, can see the way that the patterns on her skin have darkened and that her eye has turned yellow. When Rumi looks up at Mira, only now aware that she’s laying helpless on her back with Mira standing over her, she doesn’t see the lightness in her eyes that she’s become so accustomed to. There’s no warmth, no affection, not even the hint of her inner walls hiding her feelings. There is only hate and disgust. 

‘You think I could ever love you? Someone so tainted by the darkness, you willingly gave your heart to a monster?’ 

“Please.” Rumi begs. “Please, Mira. You promised you wouldn’t leave me.” She’s crying now. Mira’s blade presses into her chest hard enough to draw blood. Rumi gasps from the pain of it. 

‘You’re not you anymore, Rumi. You’re just a demon.’ 

“No, Mira. I’m still me. I am. I still care about you.” 

Mira’s smile is nothing but malice, the glow of the hellfire around them giving her an ethereal look. Even as her blade presses deeper into Rumi’s chest, Rumi can’t help but think that she's beautiful. 

‘Demons don’t have feelings.’ 

Mira steps away, leaving her staff buried in Rumi’s chest. She turns and walks without stopping. She doesn’t turn when Rumi calls her name. Gwi-ma’s laughter, dark and threatening, fills the space. Rumi is still crying Mira’s name when her body jolts forward. 

Her eyes snap open, a sob escaping her lips as she comes to the waking world. The light is on in her bedroom, casting shadows along her wall. Rumi can’t breathe against the pressure in her chest. 

“Rumi. Rumi! Rumi!” The voice breaks through her panic. It’s Mira. Rumi’s gaze finds her, eyes wide with worry and hair mused from sleep. She’s kneeling on the edge of Rumi’s bed, her hands resting on either of Rumi’s arms. “Rumi, breathe.” 

Rumi takes a deep, shuddering breath. She pulls away from Mira’s hands, still feeling the phantom weight of her spear in Rumi’s chest. She shuffles back and away, dodging the hands that reach for her until she’s on her feet. She needs air and space. The balcony door is pulled open and Rumi tumbles into the space outside her room. 

“Rumi, what’s wrong? Talk to me. Please.” Mira follows her out but she keeps her distance now, watching as Rumi struggles to get control of herself in the wake of her nightmare. “Rumi?” 

She doesn’t have the breath to answer yet. She just shakes her head, sliding to the ground with her back against the wall and her knees curled against her chest. She hears Mira copy her position with enough distance between them that Rumi doesn’t feel crowded. Derpy appears at her side and presses against her. 

“I’m here, Rumi.” Mira promises softly. “I’m not leaving.”

Slowly, Rumi’s breathing slows. Her limbs relax, the hands that she’d clenched into fists uncurl enough to tangel in Derpy’s fur. The phantom pressure in her chest dissipates slowly, growing lighter with each steady exhale. Mira sits in silent vigil until Rumi finally looks up at her. 

“Hey.” Mira says softly. The multicolor light of the Honmoon reflects in her eyes and Rumi can’t see anything but care in the hues she finds there. 

“Hey.” Rumi sighs the word. Her shoulders droop slightly. Mira scoots fractionally closer. 

“Must have been an awful nightmare.” Mira speaks softly, like she’s afraid Rumi will break if she raises her voice. “I’ve never heard you cry like that.” 

Rumi swallows thickly, only now aware of the soreness of her throat. 

“I’m sorry I woke you.” Rumi says instead of addressing the nightmare. Mira, of course, sees right through her flimsy attempt at changing the subject. 

“What happened? I thought the nightmares were gone. You didn’t have any when we were on tour.” Mira’s voice is still soft, but Rumi can hear the current of worry in her words. Rumi shrugs slightly in response. 

“I basically collapsed from exhaustion every night of the tour.” She says. She can’t look at Mira so she focuses her gaze on the skyline stretched before them. “And I wasn’t sleeping alone.” 

“Were you having nightmares before the tour?” Mira asked, again shuffling closer. She was near enough now that Rumi could feel her warmth even as she curled further into herself. Rumi nodded before setting her chin on her knee. 

“They weren’t as bad. More memories than anything else. Of that night. The performance. And when you and Zoey found me after…” 

“You have nightmares of me pointing my blade at you?” Mira’s voice has changed, something cracked and broken slipping between the words. It’s completely inappropriate, but Rumi wants to laugh at the question. She wished the nightmare had stopped at that. “Rumi, you know I’ll never do that again, don’t you?” 

The hum that Rumi responds with is noncommittal. She knows that she can trust Mira. Mira doesn’t say anything that she doesn’t mean, but the words are soured by the memory of her spear pressed into Rumi’s chest in her nightmare. 

“No, Rumi, I need you to believe that. I’ve never regretted anything more than the way I reacted that night.” Mira insists. She’s even closer now, close enough that it would take no effort at all for Rumi to turn and curl into her arms. She almost does it, too, drawn to the comfort of Mira’s embrace like a moth to a flame, but Mira’s words from the dream come back and halt her movements. 

‘You think I could ever love you?’ 

“You were scared and blindsided.” Rumi shrugs. “I don’t blame you for reacting the way you did.” It was what Rumi had always known would happen. 

“That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.” Mira says. Rumi doesn’t respond. Mira waits a moment and then presses on. “Is that what you dreamed about tonight?” 

“Yeah.” Rumi sighs. “That’s how it started anyway.” 

“How did it end?” 

“With your blade in my chest as you walked away.” Rumi doesn’t mean to say it, but she can’t hold it back, and Mira would see through any lie she tried to spin. Mira gasps. “After you told me that you could never love someone tainted by darkness. Especially after I fell for a demon.” 

“That’s - I can’t - I’m so sorry, Rumi.” Mira’s voice has changed again, filled with something deep and soulful. Rumi turns her head just enough to see Mira’s face clearly. There’s tears in her eyes and Rumi unwraps one of her arms from around her knees to wipe them away. 

“I know that it wasn’t you. I know that you never break your promises.” Rumi says. “It just felt real. Really real.” 

Her other hand rubs at her chest, where dream-Mira’s blade had cut into her skin. 

“I’m sorry.” Mira covers Rumi’s hand on her cheek with her own. “Is there anything I can do?” 

“You’re here.” Rumi feels the first flicker of a smile on her lips since she woke up. “That helps.” 

A moment passes. Rumi’s hand is still pressed to Mira’s cheek, gently caressing along her cheekbone. Her own tears have dried and Rumi feels her earlier exhaustion return to her. Mira must be able to see it sweep over her again because she rises to her feet and holds her hands out to help Rumi up as well. Once they’re both standing up, Mira pulls Rumi into a hug that finally dispels the lingering shadows in her chest. She can’t feel the phantom pressure anymore, or the sting of dream-Mira’s words. She can only feel Mira’s body pressed against her own, the warmth of her hands resting on either of Rumi’s hips, the steadiness of her breathing as she holds Rumi close. 

Rumi doesn’t have to ask Mira to stay. They climb back into Rumi’s bed as a unit. Mira reaches out to pull Rumi closer rather than waiting for Rumi to move on her own. They curl together now, not just a head on a shoulder and a half embrace but fully tangled together. Mira’s arm curls around Rumi’s back, her fingers stroke a soothing pattern down her spine. Rumi’s head finds its place in the crook of Mira’s neck and she drapes her arm over Mira’s abdomen. Their legs tangle together. She feels the soft pressure of Mira’s lips against her forehead. Derpy curls up at the foot of the bed, close enough that Rumi can feel his warmth too. 

When Rumi falls back asleep, her dreams are filled with quiet warmth and soft affection. And from somewhere far beyond her understanding she hears Jinu’s voice. 

‘Let yourself live the life you deserve. That will honor me more than anything else.’ 

+ONE

It’s a few weeks later when the first tear in the Honmoon appears. They’d known it would happen eventually. Rumi had never thought that they’d killed the demon overlord, only subdued him. As long as humans existed, Gwi-ma would hunger for their souls. 

They’re rehearsing for a local event when the rip appears. Bobby doesn’t even have time to question where they’re going before the HUNTR/X stars have seemingly disappeared into thin air. They fall into the familiar rhythm of battle, singing as they go. Rumi almost laughs when the familiar lyrics of ‘How It’s Done’ fall from their lips. Her blade is still imbued with Jinu’s soul, glowing brighter than usual and cutting through the demons easily. 

Rumi feels Mira and Zoey moving beside her, their movement as fluid as their choreography on stage and doubly as impressive. Mira catches her eye and winks. Rumi feels a blush climbing up her cheeks at the motion and she can tell that Mira sees it from the way she smirks. 

“Can you guys flirt when we’re not fighting demons?” Zoey complains, but there’s no heat in her words. 

“We’re not flirting.” Rumi fires back as she slices the head from the demon charging towards her. 

“Just like we haven’t been sleeping together.” Mira quips. Zoey cackles as she throws her knives out, taking out four demons in one fell swoop. Rumi turns to glare at Mira as she flips over her head and stabs through another demon. 

“Oh, careful, Mira, or you’ll be sleeping on the couch.” Zoey backflips away from a striking demon and slices across its throat. 

“I still have my own room.” Mira points out. Two demons rush towards her. She kicks one and knocks the other back with her spear. 

“I’ll send Derpy in there.” Rumi jokes, well aware that Mira and Derpy have a playful rivalry of Rumi’s attention going on. The tiger would absolutely block Mira from sleeping in her own bed if Rumi asked him to. He might even do it for fun. 

Mira’s response is cut off as the ground rumbles beneath their feet. The demons have retreated and reformed, a massive creature now attacking with a ferocious roar. 

“Fight now, banter later.” Rumi orders as Mira and Zoey step on either side of her. 

The demon looks like an amalgamation of a monkey and a lion, its head framed with a mane of fire and a sharp tail whipping back and forth menacingly. Its hind legs are bulky with muscle, the front ones slimmer but topped with viscous looking claws. It charges forward with a roar, front paws and tail whipping out. The hunters are forced to dodge, each of them moving in a different direction. Mira and Zoey dash to the sides while Rumi leaps up and over, slicing along the demon’s back as she flips over it. 

The fight that ensues is longer than it needs to be. This demon isn’t as mindless as the ones they normally fight. Despite its massive size, it’s surprisingly nimble. They have to get in close to get any meaningful hit, but the paws and tail make that a difficult task. Rumi flips over a swinging paw but doesn’t manage to make contact with her sword. 

“We need to distract it.” Rumi tells Mira and Zoey. Mira’s weapon has the most reach. If she aims it correctly, she can deal a killing blow from above while Rumi and Zoey distract the demon from below. The plan is quickly put into motion as Mira darts behind a column and then around, using a combination of flips and jumps to get into position. 

It takes three minutes of dodging, jumping, and making small strikes before Mira gets a good enough opening. The demon’s tail whips towards her as she launches herself towards it, the yelp of pain she releases drowned out by the demon’s furious roar. When the demon rears up on its hind legs, Rumi and Zoey both move to strike at its heart from the front. The demon fades from the overworld, the rip in the Honmoon sealing in its wake. Mira lands on her hands and knees, her weapon fading away as her hand reaches for her side. 

“Mira!” Rumi is at her side instantly, Zoey right behind her. Her hand rests against Mira’s back, eyes sweeping over her form in concern. 

“I’m okay.” Mira says, though her grimace leaves room for doubt. “Bastard got in a lucky shot.” 

“Let me see.” Rumi requests gently. Zoey helps Mira to stay steady as Rumi looks at the cut that slices across her stomach. 

The cut isn’t too deep, the blood already beginning to coagulate as a result of their Hunter abilities that enhance healing, but it is a long mark, beginning just above Mira’s left hip and slicing across her stomach to just below her ribs on the right side. It will heal, thankfully, but Rumi worries that it might leave a scar. 

“It’s not bad, just long.” Rumi says. “You’re not going to be doing any more rehearsals today.” 

“At least we have a few days until we have to perform.” Zoey offers comfortingly. Mira groans but lets both Zoey and Rumi help her to her feet. She drapes her arm over Rumi’s shoulders once she’s standing. “I’ll call Bobby.” 

Zoey steps away and presses her phone to her ear. Rumi wraps her arm around Mira’s waist and lets the taller girl lean against her, easily supporting her weight. 

“You’re not gonna make me sleep on the couch, right?” Mira asks. Rumi laughs. 

“Did you honestly think I would?” She asks with a raised brow. 

“Maybe, until you got cold.” Mira shrugs then winces. Rumi smoothes her thumb over Mira’s hip in a soothing motion. Rumi hums softly in reply, neither confirming nor denying Mira’s statement. Neither of them add anything else to the conversation, content to stand there together until Zoey makes her way back over to them. 

“Good news, we don’t even need an excuse for not finishing rehearsals today!” Zoey cheers. “That group that was doing the reunion performance needs extra time to get their act together, so we’re off the hook until tomorrow.” 

“That is great news.” Rumi agrees. 

They make their way back to their tower and pile into the elevator together, idly discussing new song ideas as they go. Zoey moves into the kitchen to get started on an early dinner and Rumi orders Mira to go shower so they can properly bandage the cut on her stomach. Once both tasks are done, she leaves Mira in control of the remote while she helps Zoey with dinner. 

After, when the food has been consumed and the mess from it cleaned up, Rumi and Zoey position themselves on either side of Mira on the couch. Zoey curls against the arm as she normally does, pressing her toes beneath Mira’s thigh. Rumi wraps a gentle arm around Mira’s waist and pulls her close, guiding her head to rest in the crook of Rumi’s neck. Mira hums softly as they settle. 

“That’s usually my job.” She says, tapping her finger against the hand curled over her hip. 

“It’s my turn to take care of you.” Rumi presses her nose into Mira’s hair and breathes her. She feels Mira smile against her neck and hears the rumble of a soft laugh. “What’s so funny?” 

“You made me sleep on the couch after all.” Mira jokes, giggling softly even as her eyes begin to fall closed. Zoey snorts from her place beside them. 

“Behave, or I’ll leave you here after the move is over.” Rumi threatens. Mira only laughs. 

“Nah, you’d never leave me.” She says, with all the confidence of a woman who believes every word she says. Rumi presses her smile to the crown of Mira’s head. 

“No,” she says softly. “I wouldn’t.” 

Mira falls asleep a few minutes into the movie. Rumi doesn’t know how she sleeps through the high speed chase and explosions scenes, but Mira’s breathing remains steady and calm, her body relaxed in Rumi’s embrace. Zoey watches them out of the corner of her eye, sneakily taking a picture of them curled together like puzzle pieces. 

“Not flirting, huh?” 

“Shut up, Zoey.” 

[somanyfandomsorkinafs]

(I am ~buzzing~ with ideas…. Allow me to release some)

Once Danny was an adult, he decided to join Ellie in her ‘permanent world tour’. It’s better than staying in Amity where the opinion of Phantom hasn’t gotten much better. Besides, the portal caused the veil to get weaker, allow ghost to wreak havoc where ever they want.

He’s met a lot new ghost cause of this too. Old as Mycenaean Greece to non humans who came to Earth and died there. Danny’s learnt so much from them that he’s basically a walking in Encyclopaedia.

So, Danny’s decided “fuck it.” and has it became a part-time history teacher. It’s fun! He knows the details by heart and is able to make it more fun than just droning on about the same old wars and whatever. He enjoys it, the kids enjoy it and the ghosts having their stories told!

Of course, this does cause some problems when people try to correct him. Danny’s argument? “I got them correct sources.”

And when anyone asks him how knows his sources are correct? “My source was there when it happened.”

Cue the dc world thinking that Danny’s just some immortal guy whose decided to use his immortality for good(TM)

[aerialworms-art]

Lifespans.

(ID under cut)

[Image ID: A three-way venn diagram floating against a starfield. The circles are coloured; one yellow, one light blue, one a darker shade of blue. The yellow is the smallest, the two blue ones over double its size, with the darker blue the biggest. The yellow is half covered by the two blue circles, while it takes up a small amount of the two blues. The centre overlap between all three is labelled "the precious few years we three were together".

There is very little overlap between the yellow and the darker blue without the lighter blue.

The work is signed 'aerialworms'./End ID]

[soulrox]

No Fly Zone

DPxDC #29

Conner has taken to flying around high above the world, just drifting where the winds take him. He uses this time to just live in the moment and take in the natural beauty of the world.

As he's floating, he hears the distinct sound of music and screaming fans. He slowly pays more attention to the music, a strong female voice is belting out lyrics to a song that resonates with him.

Pinpointing the location the sound is coming from to a small town a few clicks west of where he is. He immediately moves to watch and listen in person. He has to know who is playing and if all their songs are as good as this current one.

The concert is taking place in a park with a completely open area to stand and listen. The concert is packed with teens and young adults. A typical concert, in Conner's opinion. He decides to fly further to the back of the crowd to watch. Conner doesn't really pay attention to the crowd and is focused on the band and the singer. Completely missing several eyebrow-raising things.

"Hey, flying guy! You can't watch from there please move to the designated area for flyers," A man with gravity-defying white hair and piercing green eyes flying near him says while gesturing to an area more to the left of the stage, where several people were flying and enjoying the concert. Most are glowing faintly, and some of them, concernedly, are semi-transparent. "Or you can keep on moving."

"Ah, sorry I was flying around, then heard this music and had to see who it is… So, umm, who is playing? I really love what I've heard so far." The two of them move away from the crowd.

"She's Ember McClain, the best musician from the Realms. As long as you're not here to start anything, you're good."

"Why are you the security here?" Conner purposely tilted his sunglasses, looking him up and down. Thinking to himself that this scrawny twink can't pack that much of a punch.

"Yes, I am. Even before that comment, I could tell you aren't from here if you don't recognize me." the cute twink laughs a little, "I'm Phantom! Manager of this whole thing and security. Making sure Ember sticks to the rules and making sure everyone else is too. This time no one tries to mind-control anyone."

Concerning comments shelved for later. "It seems I'm also unknown if I have to introduce myself. But for a cutie like you, I'll give you anything." Wink, "I'm Superboy, call me Kon. Can I ask more about you? Like, if you have a number I can have?"

Phantom blushes "Danny…..I don't just give my information or number out to some rando. That is lesson one of being a hero. As I'm sure you "Superboy" know this."

"Okay then, tell me more about this band, and you can tell me more about yourself at dinner after."

Conner reappears at the Young Justice base several hours after he normally would, with several bags full of Ember merch. Signed copies of the albums, posters, shirts, and even a water bottle. He gives a shirt to every YJ member. His phone is full of selfies and videos from the concert and after, as well as the number of a very cute boy, with a date set for Friday night.

[surreal-duck]

and then they both transitioned and lived happily ever after forever <- unwell

[notbecauseofvictories]

I'm rewatching leverage out of nostalgia and some other emotion I haven't figured out yet, and I do think there's a story in "Maggie Ford Collins deals with having the most unhinged ex in her suburban book group, learns to hotwire a car, and gets her groove back, not in that particular order."

[philyuri]

not to demon post but like. sometimes i think about the "friends" label and the fact that it's a little bit of a haha in-joke but also... i mean. when dan said he didnt have a best friend for the first 18 years of his life he meant it yknow. like i do think that out of all the possible labels he's used, soulmates husbands arch enemies furniture who the fuck knows, best friends is amongst the most meaningful... if you never had a best friend and then met him and he stayed in that spot for fifteen years the fact that he's also the love of your life can maybe be just a bit of a bonus.

[alena-draws]

I was thinking I'd like to do some nice clean sprite drawings for my portfolio, kind of like Ace Attorney style. So I had the idea of a Vashwood Dating Sim game where you play Wolfwood who thinks he's in some kind of story/detective game until he realizes he's the protagonist of a dating sim. I think that could be hilarious BUT then I didn't want to do a school setting...So now I thought about a new setting, more mystery style, where Vash and Nai search for Tesla, with the help of Wolfwood. So I'll try my hand at drawing some pretty sprites now!

[mamawasatesttube]

the timkon fans who shit on bart are annoying, the konbart fans who shit on tim are annoying, and i don't actually know if there are timbart fans who shit on kon, but i sure hope not, because they'd be annoying. the three of them are a set!!! do NOT separate. red tornado literally assigned them one shared brain cell. what is not clickign

[lieutenant-amuel]

Has it really ever been a secret smh

[merakiui]

he is the most boyfriend-coded character in all of twst. imagine watching all of the cheesy christmas rom-coms with ace……… movie date,,,, the type of guy you netflix and chill with while it snows outside. cozy time inside!! kisses that taste like the hot chocolate and sweets you indulged in. fwb that feels so much more romantic when it’s the festive season. >:)

[essektheylyss]

Wait I've obtained the tarot deck and the Magician card description is SO funny to me because it's actually a very, uh, permissive interpretation, for lack of a better word. I haven't gotten any further reading through this booklet partially because I'm sitting at a bar but also partially because I keep laughing about it. CR said fuck the haters, Essek Thelyss did nothing wrong 😌

[thepersonperson]

Sukuna’s Loneliness Part 4 (Sukuna’s Negative Rizz)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5

Some warnings before we start.

1) This analysis deals with sexual topics.

2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. Raws are from mangareader(.)to.

3) This was written as of JJK 262 266. (I'm just going to keep updating this until I stop finding things I should've noticed earlier.)

4) The raws broke me in ways you cannot possibly imagine.

(Click images for captions/citations.)

Fighting as Communication

Baki the Grappler. This is a manga where men destroy each other’s bodies as a test of strength. It’s poorly written but the art is terrifying and I love it so dearly. Between fights of extreme violence and body horror the characters eat. And that’s it. That’s the manga.

I bring Baki up because Gege is a huge fan of Fujimoto Tatsuki, the creator of Chainsawman. Fujimoto is a fan of Gege too, but more importantly, he is a huge fan of Itagaki Keisuke, the creator of Baki. (His daughter made Beastars btw.) In a way, this means Jujutsu Kaisen has been influenced by Baki. But that’s not a surprise, a lot of manga is.

Itagaki’s work is so massively influetial on Japanese media that it’s kind of hard to grasp since it’s not as popular overseas. When listening to interviews from various Japanese creators, Baki will often be cited as a major influence. And the thing is, you can tell when a creative has read Baki. There’s nothing quite like it. If you’ve read Baki and consume Chainsawman, you will see its bones everywhere. I feel the same about Jujutsu Kaisen.

The main antagonist in Baki is Yujiro Hanma. He is the strongest creature alive. So much so that he has no one to call a rival. He’s bored. He causes trouble. He kills his wife to motivate his son, Baki into becoming stronger. His son, Baki, who he grooms into becoming a fighter that might beat him in combat one day. Kind of sounds like Sukuna, right?

But that’s not my point here. My focus is how Baki doubles as a discussion about strength and manhood. It’s aggressively bisexual. Men love each other with their fists. Straight up the main character says having sex with women is the same thing as fighting men.

And it just doesn’t stop there. The homoerotic nature of the fights is never shyed away from. Here’s an example of my favorite.

He grabs his balls and compliments their size. That’s pretty gay, right? Well there’s this reanimated prehistoric caveman called Pickle that fights Baki’s brother Jack. And how do they fight? They kiss.

I didn’t call it a kiss. Itagaki did. I didn’t say they melded together. Itagaki did. This mangaka overtly calls attention to the homoerotic nature of men fighting men, and how men communicate their love for each other through violence. And yes, it’s sexual. Itagaki wants you to read it that way.

But sometimes he doesn’t want you to read it that way. Sometimes the fights are a dialogue, an emotional conversation. Like one between father and son.

Itagaki is a master of narrative framing. When he wants you to feel a certain way, you will feel it. He also tells his readers that there’s more to the fights than just fighting.

Those are the ideas that help me see the bones of Baki in other works. Men loving men with violence. Men communicating with men through violence. I see these ideas in Jujutsu Kaisen too.

Jujutsu Communication

I’ve gone over how Yuji commucates with other people on their own terms. And a lot of it is through fighting. A conversation without words, learning how someone works. Yuji is good at using fights as tool of communication.

But he’s not the one who tells you that there’s more to the fights than just fighting. Maki does in her spar with the sumo guy.

Just like Baki. Fighting is a means of communication. Gege has told you that there can be more to the fights than fighting. It's a tool used to understand the self and others.

With that in mind, I want to reexamine a particular fight under the lens of Baki rather than Umineko.

Sukuna vs Gojo

Baki tells you that homoerotic readings of its fights are intentional. If you ask me, this probably stems from historical stances on masculinity and homosexuality in ancient Japan. Men loved men and women differently, but both were ok. That’s how Baki can have a girlfriend and his gay fights. Peak bisexual optimization.

What does Jujutsu Kaisen have to do with this? Well it has been extremely queer friendly. We have a multidue of canonical trans characters, non-binary characters, and other flavors of queer characters not disparaged for their identities, Gojo Satoru included. It may not be stated outright, but Gojo and Geto do love each other in a gay way. The subtext is so persisent it’s basically text.

In other words, Gege has already told us, yes please have queer readings of this text. It’s the same way Baki tells you, yes this is straight up convoluded gay sex. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to reread the Sukuna and Gojo fight as some ridiculous mating display between two men who are fighting over can miscommunicate their intent the hardest.

Framed as Courtship

Let’s start with the framing. The pre-fight set up. How does text tell you queer readings are allowed?

Kenjaku does. It’s romantic. It’s a date. This reading has been made valid explicitly. And if there’s room for doubt because of the sarcasm? There’s still additional support for it.

We already know how badly in love Gojo is with Geto. The fight is on the 24th of December, the most romantic day in Japan. And in a fun little Geto parallel, who declared the start of war on this day, violence underlines this new romantic venture.

That doesn’t include Sukuna who recalls Yorozu’s words about teaching love in the context of marriage.

Gojo never heard that conversation which is why the next point is absolutely insane.

The outfit Gojo initially is in resembles that of a groom at a Shinto wedding.

Shinto weddings were implemented after the Heian era. Part of the ceremony includes a priest and a shrine maiden who respectively stand to the right and left of the altar. A purification ritual will occur, lead by the priest, to cleanse the shrine before vows are exchanged. Gakuganji is the priest and Utahime is the shrine maiden. To the right and left of Gojo respectively.

The bride at a Shinto wedding wears mainly white. After the 200% Hollow Purple cleanses the area, the dark shawl is removed and Sukuna remains in mostly white.

How interesting that this battle has been framed as one between groom and bride.

The thing is, marriage in the Heian era was far more lax. There were no major ceremonies. If a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would visit her for 3 nights after receiving approval from her father. Upon the passing of their 3rd night together, the family would have an informal celebration of their union in private. Even after marriage, multiple partners were allowed and sometimes encouraged.

Yorozu’s big celebration proposal to Sukuna and banning of concubines was quite improper by Heian standards. Though it is in line with modern marriages. If Sukuna did not consume any Shinto wedding literature, he probably didn’t recognize that Gojo was dressed as a groom.

But did Gojo dress this way for Sukuna intentionally? The Toji fit served an entirely different purpose. It’s the robes and pre-fight ceremony that catch my attention. So I propose the following:

1) Gojo dressed up as a groom to die and be wed with his one and only Geto in death.

2) Gojo dressed up as a groom in part as an offering to Sukuna. And because Sukuna is from the Heian era it went over his head entirely.

3) Gojo intended for both of these things at the same time and left who he would end up with to fate.

Regardless of what Gojo was going for here, it’s a visual cue combined with the knowledge of it being Dec 24th that encourages the reader to perhaps consider the fight as something other than just a fight. A date perhaps? Kenjaku made the connection and neither Gojo or Sukuna really denied it. Gojo gave the weak excuse of a death anniversary confusion. But much weirder, given how hostile he was to Yorozu, Sukuna did not object to the romantic framing in any capacity.

Am I reaching? Is this reading intentional?

When I start getting this confused by how a translated work wants me to read it, I try to refer to the original language text and anyone who knows it for missing context. Sometimes localizations add things that weren’t there or push readers towards one interpretation. So for the rest of this analysis, I’m going to be focusing on the raws.

I’m going to be honest. My Japanese fudging sucks. I can barely read kanji and can’t reliably translate anything. Feel free to correct me if I got something wrong. That being said, with what little I do know, I have discovered something interesting.

In this post I talked about how weird Sukuna’s manner of speech is. I focused on his you pronoun usage of お前 (Omae) for everyone else and 貴様 (Kisama) for Gojo since this is a strong indicator of how a character views their relationship to someone.

Here's a summary of the two points I made in that post:

1) Omae is informal and either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. Since Sukuna is arrogant, we can reasonably assume he's talking down to people.

2) Kisama historically was a formal show of respect, but in modern times it is a hostile insult, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old and hates Yuji (who he uses Omae with), we can reasonably assume Sukuna was being friendly to Gojo when he used Kisama.

With that pronoun usage in mind, while examining the raws for the infamous “You Cleared My Skies” speech I found this:

Kisama. Sukuna is very happy and lavishing Gojo with praise. The assumption it was formal from the start seems to be correct. It's hard to read this any other way.

Though Japanese can easily be dubious in its interpretation, there are instances where context can cut off all other readings. I truly believe this one of those cases.

Now, to confirm Sukuna is still only treating Gojo this way I started looking at his you pronouns as he got excited post-Gojo death. Maki is the person he seems to admire the most.

He’s still just using Omae. What does that mean? Gojo is in his own fudging category for Sukuna and he has been there since the start of the manga. (For more on why this is significant, refer to this post.)

Wow ok. That’s pretty intense! We’ve got Gojo dressed up as a groom on December 24th and Sukuna treating Gojo different from anyone else. I read their fight again under the lens of explicit courtship and focused in on these specific panels.

Satisfaction. Now that’s a word that can easily carry a sexual connotation. Love as well. The parallel syntax fascinated me in English. So I decided to look at the raws and see how close they are.

Pretty much the same except for "the one who will teach you love" and "the one satisfying him now". Since the one being satisfied is Gojo by Sukuna, it really seems we can assume the one being taught love is Gojo by Sukuna.

Time to learn some Japanese again!

Kanji has multiple readings. Most have at least two. The Onyomi (Chinese) reading typically used for nouns and the Kunyomi (Japanese) reading typically used for verbs. (This is not always the case but it’s the basics.)

That’s probably why 満 is read as まん (man) when Gojo and Geto are talking about “satisfaction” using the On version and み (mi), the Kun version, when the narrator is talking about who “satisfies” who.

However 満 on its own does not mean satisfaction. It means full. To be filled. Or fullness. 足 (zoku) is added as a modifier after 満 to be read as satisfaction 満足 (manzoku). 足 usually means feet, but it can also mean to be sufficient. Manzoku therefore has a direct translation of being sufficiently full. It’s not a surprise a lot of food places in Japan use Manzoku in their names or advertising.

But what’s this? Why is this sentence written as 満たして or Mi(tashite) instead of 満足して or Manzoku(shite)? The addition of Zoku is what transforms Man into "satisfying". Without the Zoku, it’s just "fill". The means this sentence can be read as “The one filling him up now is—”

We’ve already established that the blank is Sukuna. The new problem is that he’s filling Gojo up. And boy, does that sound homoerotic to put it lightly. But perhaps I am reaching.

So I did what any sane person would do in this situation. I read hentai.

Surely if the phrase 満たして (mitashite) can carry a sexual connotation I will find it in hentai.

...

I immediately found a yaoi doujin called Fill me with your Big Love aka おっきな愛で満たして (Okkina Ai de Mitashite). Honestly, I found too many doujins about creampies specifically. (You have internet access verify this yourself.) When you search Manzokushite the results are much more in line with life satisfaction than sexual satisfaction. ...So Gege decided to use the more frisky phrasing.

Manzoku is also the name of an active sex toy manufacturer (I’m not linking them use a search engine.) and a discontinued adult entertainment news company. So the satisfaction Gojo and Geto talk about, along with Geto using 妬 (ya), the jealous kanji often used between lovers, is definitely probably carrying a sexual connotation too.

So, I’m not reaching. What the fudge did Gege mean by this?

Now that we've established that I am NOT reaching. What do we do with this information?

Well, we ruminate on the fight with the knowledge that Sukuna, of his own volition, decided to get Gojo off, probably.

I have forgiven Nanami for calling Gojo a pervert. If I watched someone bust a nut after being cut in half by his sworn enemy instead of saving the country, I too would be like what the fudge.

Anyways, the typical phrase used for an orgasm in Japanese is 行く(iku). It translates as to go. And yes it can mean to die, as in going to the other side. To die and go to heaven if you will. Which is what Gojo did with a big old smile on his face.

There’s also the term 心天 (tokoroten). It refers to a dish were a semi-opaque white substance is pushed through holes to create noodles. Literal translation using the kanji for heart 心 (kokoro) and the kanji for heaven 天 (ten). (Don’t ask me why them being smack together turns the Koroko into Tokoro. I don’t know.) Which in slang refers to prostate orgasms. This has nothing to do with this analysis I wanted to drop this fun fact in here. …And this image of Sukuna clutching his heart while looking at someone he sent to heaven.

(This is a reach but the idea of this being an elaborate gay pun amuses me greatly.)

I have another fun slang term: 賢者タイム (kenjataimu) which directly translates to sage 賢者 (kenja) time タイム (taimu). This refers to post-nut clarity sending someone into a meditative-like state.

Oh that’s a bit familiar. Sukuna was giving sagely advice to Kashimo and reflecting on satisfaction and love.

And what’s this? Mitashite has made a reappearance! Sukuna is saying “I’ve never thought about needing another person to fill me up.” Which 1. further supports the 'The one satisfying/filling him (Gojo) now is—Sukuna.' reading and 2. suggests Sukuna is a top suggests Sukuna really doesn’t have sexual interest in people. (Since the context of this convo is relationships and love.)

By the way. Acts of eating in Japanese can be modified to carry sexual meanings. It’s a bit more suggestive than English, but it carries over pretty well I think? 肉食系 (nikusokukei) refers to someone who aggresively pursues romantic or sexual relationships. Composed of the kanji 肉 (niku) for meat, 食 (ta) for eating, and 系 (kei) class. If you noticed, 食 isn’t usually read as Soku. It becomes Soku when paired with Niku for some reason. (I don’t know why someone please help me.) Side by side the kanji 肉食 (nikusoku) means meat-eater.

食 is still interesting on it’s own. The 食べる (taberu) reading is normal eating. The 食う(kuu) reading is an innuendo. It can mean to devour someone, like a cannibal, or devour someone sexually.

Sukuna has made it very clear that his eating of people is literal. There’s no innuendo. In fact, if you read into it, he’ll kill you (rip Yorozu and Kashimo).

Gojo, however, appears to be his sole exception to this rule. When Sukuna tells Kashimo not to spoil his pleasure he uses the kanji 興 (kyou). This of course can be directly translated as pleasure, but the Chinese reading of it can also indicate intense excitement or sexual arousal.

Sukuna is pretty good at double-entendre wordplay if his earlier stunts with the kanji for Enchain doubling as Megumi Activities if read a different way is anything to go by. He's a fan of Chinese literature. It's not a stretch to assume there's more going on here.

And if notoriously homophobic Reddit dudebros are posting things like this. Maybe there's a lot more merit to this reading than I can currently grasp.

I’m still pretty convinced Sukuna is aroace. That of course doesn’t bar him from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes there’s the one exception. Sometimes the desire to be with and please an allo partner allows for engagement of activities they aren’t into. Sometimes the actions are pursued without the emotional attachment because they physically feel good. There’s also the gray-scale and demi labels to consider.

With that in mind, I want to emphasize this all points to how important Gojo is to Sukuna regardless of sexuality. He tried to engage with and understand Gojo on terms he won’t for anyone else. And he’s been pursuing this connection relentlessly since the start of manga.

Sukuna’s Negative Rizz

Ok I established that reading the Sukuna vs Gojo fight as unhinged courtship is supported by the text. That doesn’t really say anything about Sukuna sucking at it.

But, my dear reader, that in of itself is proof of his negative rizz. I had to sit down. Learn about Heian era and Shinto wedding rituals, learn more Japanese, splice seemingly unrelated manga panels together, read hentai, and know that Gege is into yaoi to come to this conclusion. I had to rip every little shred of characterization and context apart and rearrange it into something comprehensible.

You know who can’t do that? Gojo.

As far as Gojo is concerned, Sukuna hates him. Kisama is an extremely hostile you pronoun in modern times. And if Gojo can’t tell Shoko (his closest friend after Geto) is stressed over him being used like a meat puppet by her visibly falling back on her addiction, he’s going to default to the assumption Sukuna hates him just as much as everyone else.

And Gojo does just that. He assumes he failed to reach Sukuna. Despite how often they did hand to hand combat and weaponized their knowledge of each other, Gojo believes they never had proper conversation through fighting. He dies not understanding Sukuna, convinced the other was not trying to communicate with him at all.

And if you recall, all of this fight occurred while Sukuna was wearing Megumi’s face. That boy is pretty much Gojo’s adopted child. From my experience, most single parents do not go looking for clones of their kids as partners.

If someone wore the skin of my family member I would assume they were trying to torment me. And torment Gojo Sukuna does. He draws attention to Megumi’s soul being used as collateral and attacks him with the 10 Shadows. We as the audience know this is all for the sake of getting past Infinity using his Shrine. Gojo doesn’t know that. He’s fighting an evil dude who is puppeting the body of his son for god knows what reason.

Seriously, Sukuna sucks at communicating intent.

In Part 3 of my examination of Sukuna’s loneliness, I said Dismantle is a tool Sukuna uses to understand. And that him upgrading it by making Gojo the center of his world was indicative of his desire to reach him. I also said his refusal to use it on Yorozu was him expressing how little interest he had in her.

Yorozu is pissed by this. She sees it as Sukuna rejecting her and I don’t think she’s wrong. Sukuna saved his special Cursed Technique (CT) for Gojo while turning Yorozu down. If we’re considering all the wedding imagery and references that started with Yorozu, I’m certainly allowed to read that as him saving himself for Gojo. (Think of how he lied to Gojo about being the first one he killed.)

There’s also the fact that Yorozu saw their battle as an expression love and lust—that the usage of CT is a type of foreplay under certain circumstances since it is an extension of the self. Combine that with the established premise that fighting is a type of a communication thanks to Maki vs Sumo Guy and you can start to see the courtship logic behind Sukuna’s treatment of Gojo.

If we are to read “The one who will teach you love is…Sukuna” there’s another adorable caveat. Yorozu uses the you pronoun あなた (Anata) for Sukuna.

It’s an informal you pronoun used by people learning Japanese. Native speakers try to avoid using it as it can come across as rude. But in the context of love? This is colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband.

If you wanted to localize its usage in the way Yorozu means it, Anata might become “you, dear”. So here we have Sukuna dressed in white, like a bride to Gojo’s groom, thinking of him as Anata.

The problem is, Gojo doesn’t know that. Sukuna never bothered to open his mouth and say this was an act of love. Sure he told Kashimo in the most roundabout way possible, but Gojo was the one who needed to hear that. If a courtship is going to be this diabolically complicated, there has to be clear hints for the other party. JJK is not Umineko where there’s a witch that can revive the dead over and over until the idiot finally understands this was all for them.

Gojo also doesn’t have access to the kanji Sukuna uses to describe certain techinques or words. He hears the phonetics and runs with whatever best fits the context. This means there’s no way for him to catch the double-meaning unless he’s a certain type of lingust, which he is not. His manner of speech and personal interests don’t line up with the flowery language of the Heian Era. The types of written works Gojo is into are historical war politics from the Sengoku period (known for violence more than the fine arts), Shonen manga, and physics/math.

And what's this? According to CFYOW (the canon light novels): JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy, Gojo doesn't even like ancient poetry. You know, the thing Sukuna enjoys and tries to communicate with.

The Kokin Wakashu Gojo off-handedly disparages is a compilation of Hiean Era poetry known as Waka. This was the primary means of communication amongst the noble class and spiritual leaders at the time. And the thing is, this poetry is supposed to be read into. Down to the quality of stroke and paper, not just the kanji written. Especially for courtship.

It’s not that Gojo is stupid. He just doesn’t specialize in the studies that would give him a more critical ear to Sukuna's words. And Sukuna doesn’t seem to understand that no one in the modern era communicates like this anymore.

If you didn’t know, this is why Japanese characters introduce themselves they often describe what kanji their name is spelled with. Take for example: Satoru. He uses the kanji 悟 meaning enlightenment. This kanji can be read as Go instead of Satoru. Additionally, the name Satoru can be written in kanji as 聡 for smart, 智 for wisdom, 知 for knowledge, 了 for understanding, 哲 for philosophy, 聖 for virtuous, or 暁 for daybreak. That’s 8 different kanji possible if you hear the name Satoru.

This is why Sukuna’s wordplay for everything else can be easily missed by other characters. They hear the words and cannot read the kanji like us. Context decides what Sukuna means for them. And since Sukuna’s context for most is violence and insults, it’s very hard for them to think about his words in any other way.

And boy howdy does Gojo miss it. Sukuna straight up calls him his husband and it took me several rereads to catch it. While mocking Gojo for being unable to open his domain, Sukuna calls him "painfully ordinary". This is localized from the word 凡夫 (bonpu) which can also be translated as unenlightened. (A layered insult! Sukuna is pretty much saying Gojo's sorcery is so boring he shouldn't even call himself the Honored One.)

The thing is...Bonpu is comprised of the 2 kanji 凡 for mediocre, and 夫 for husband. (Please note that there are many other ways to call Gojo a ditz without using the kanji for husband.) And an update from the Replies: Turns out there's layers to the gayness too.

It's come full fudging circle. Gojo came dressed as a groom for a wedding and Sukuna thinks they're already married. The miscommunication is off the rails.

But wait! There's more...

Earlier I mentioned that the kanji for Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. Let's break that down more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)

So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.

This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)

In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)

Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:

“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.

Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!

Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.

Keikatsu also tells Yuji exactly how Sukuna plans to do it. 契(kei)闊(katsu) can be written as 恵(kei)活(katsu). The kanji 恵 can be read as Kei or...Megumi. (It's the literal kanji used for his name.) The kanji 活 (katsu) can mean "activities", which is how we get Enchain=Megumi Activities.

A two for one special! Sukuna mocks Yuji for being so close with Megumi while telling him exactly how he's going to destroy their relationship.

It seems this has nothing to do with Gojo until you consider the 3rd possible reading from wordplay with 契闊 (Keikatsu). The kanji 契 when read as Kei refers to a promise, pledge or vow. When 契 read as Chigi? It can refer to sexual intercourse, especially between husband and wife.

So we have 契闊(keikatsu, separation), 恵(kei Megumi)活(katsu, activities), and 契(kei chigi, spousal sex)活(katsu, activities). It's no wonder he erased Yuji's memory of it.

Keep in mind, that when Sukuna uses Keikatsu, the only vow that he has made at this point is his promise to kill Gojo. He eventually does that using Megumi's body during a fight framed between groom and bride. And for reasons beyond their control, Sukuna and Gojo have been unable to fulfill that vow through lengthy separation.

Notes from poem "Banging the Drum" Sukuna references include the following:

"And during the operation, he lost his horse, which was a desperate situation (horses in ancient time carried soldier supply and weapons, are life companion for soldiers in advance or retreat), he lost his horse, his supply, maybe his armor and weapons, and the road he was facing that we may lose his life so he may never go back. In all these mess, he started searching, and somehow at this hopeless moment he started to revisit his happiest moment, when he together vowed in marriage ceremony with his wife, and he was even afraid that he might never see his love again."

"And His last statement for his true value is his home, his love, his fulfillment of his vow is his true duty. Hero's duty is to pursue love."

In Buddhism, which JJK is heavily influenced by, horses are a pretty big deal. Horses can represent the path to enlightenment, especially since The Buddha's horse is what takes him on this journey away from his wife and children. They separate in the end though, the horse dying of a broken heart.

Remember how Sukuna called Gojo unenlightened? He sort of guided Gojo to enlightenment using Mahoraga, whose Eight-Handed title is a reference to the Eightfold Path to be followed for enlightenment. Buddhist enlightenment is centered around liberation from suffering. (Just check the wiki entry to verify this.) Infinity was the source of Gojo's suffering and Sukuna cut right through it.

Sukuna has been running around with a broken heart for a good chunk of the post-Gojo fight. And if you take that into consideration with this poem and all the other symbolism, he's somehow a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, the dying husband, the widowed wife, and the heartbroken horse all at the same time. Not unlike his wordplay taking on every possible meaning at once.

But my point here is that Sukuna might’ve seen his fight with Gojo as consummation of their marriage. (There's probably a joke in here about the husband reaching climax while leaving his wife unsatisfied.) Remember in the wise words of Itagaki Keisuke, "Fighting and sex are exactly the same!"

In Conclusion?

This is possibly one of the most bizarre and elaborate expressions of love I have lost my mind over. Sukuna gave everything Gojo ever wanted from Jujutsu violently. He did it in such an unpleasant and cruel way that the target of his affection thought there was nothing between them. Sukuna also hid his intent under social norms that no longer exist. Unless Gojo happened to be into ancient literature, there was never a scenario where he would catch onto this. Sukuna's failure is critical on multiple levels.

It’s impressive. It really is. No one knows how Sukuna’s strange little brain works so he’s stuck being loner without anyone that fully understands him. (I’m still thinking about how Uraume didn’t know Sukuna was a twin for over 1,000 years.) He’d have to let people in and tell him outright, but he’s just like Gojo so I guess that’s never happening.

[katrani]

Mistria road map: "romance and best friend routes"

SCREAMING YES THANK YOU FINALLY A FARM SIM DEV GETS IT

[bylrndgm]

JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS (2020) // JULIE E OS FANTASMAS (2011) 1.01 - Wake Up // 1.01 - Enfrentando Fantasmas -> Julie meets the Band.

[jackabbot]

9-1-1: S7E04 ↳ “Buck, Bothered and Bewildered”