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Credit Card Baby | Z.CL
“Who do I gotta fuck for barricade tickets to Sabrina Carpenter around here?”
PAIRING: Chenle x Fem!Reader
SYNOPSIS: Four days, three broke girls, two possible outcomes, and one solution. What are you willing to sacrifice in exchange for a night seeing a long-awaited Juno pose five feet away from your eyeballs? Your dignity, probably because it just so happens that one (1) Chenle Zhong could be the solution to your current girl problem. Only, you don’t really do well with charity. Nothing in life was free and everything had a price, but Chenle likes to think differently—that he's simply helping a friend out. Like the many times he did before. There should be sugar-daddy-sugar-baby joke around here somewhere.
alternatively: ‘three dumb bitches telling each other ‘exactlyyyy’.’ — ‘A sugar-daddy (kinda) au with no age-gap, but with a financial gap that no one asked for’.
WORD COUNT: 15.5K
NOTE: first Chenle fic kinda nervous but also excited because I've been wanting to write for pookie for a loooong long while!! So I gathered all the remaining brain cells I have and came up with this hot garbage (affectionate). This is legitimately the most unserious piece of fiction I’ve written so far, so if you’re in the mood for some fun and entertainment centered around vibes n mild-horniness you’ve come to the right place! The title comes from a song with the same title which is funny to me because the song itself (Credit Card Baby by Wham!) is the complete opposite of the story I'm telling here LMAO
CONTENT TAGS & WARNINGS: mildly suggestive themes (as in, there's very little implication to sex and masturbation here if it bothers anybody. Just to put it out there so proceed with caution), crude jokes and language, crack treated seriously, comedy, college au, fluff, friends to a secret third thing, sugar daddy au (kinda), Chenle majors in business, MC majors in architecture, everyone yaps a lot... for some reason, Chenle’s also a micro-celebrity (streams and posts on TikTok), brief discussion of OnlyFans, but I am in no way encouraging it.
DISCLAIMER: none of this is meant to represent anyone in real life. This is purely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
According to an article you’d come across, an OnlyFans creator earned an average of one-hundred-eighty dollars a month. Multiply that four or five times, you’d have enough for one ticket.
“Alright,” you sighed, bringing your knees up as your eyes glued to what laid out in a neat pile right before you and the girls you lived with. “how much do we have all together?”
“Twenty-seven dollars and thirty cents. One banana flavored condom. Three sticks of gum—a chewed piece of gum, ew—a crumpled tissue and a… hairball.”
Jesus. This was getting ridiculous.
“Fantastic!” You clapped, looking at both girls with a wide smile and desperate eyes. “Anything else?”
“A maxed out credit card,” Minjeong sniffed as she threw the offending piece of useless plastic onto the pathetic pile. “That’s all we have to our names combined. We’re broke as shit.”
No, really. You had everything you needed for a flourishing career of flashing your nether regions to the world behind a paywall.
A laptop with a webcam. A pretty face. A small collection of toys. Very small. A pink two-in-one vibrating dildo the girls had gotten you as a gag gift for your birthday still in its packaging type of small. Vaguely resembling a swirly ice pop you’d get on a hot summer day, and you had lovingly named it ‘Pinky’ before it had gotten shoved into the depths of your drawer, never to be seen again.
Your imaginary audience probably wouldn't mind, right? So long as they’d get an eyeful of a pretty girl playing out starved men’s depraved fantasies.
Then again, the idea didn’t seem too hard in theory considering how far gooners were willing to throw a couple of dollars for a five seconds long clip. They wouldn’t even notice the difference between an overexaggerated moan resembling a cat’s mating yowl and a genuine moan of pleasure, far too busy jerking it until their keyboards were dank from their own mess. You’d be earning enough to broaden your pathetic sex toy collection.
Simple-minded people were easy customers and you sure had no problems capitalizing off of that.
It was a good plan. A perfect long-term plan even, if it didn’t earn less than minimum wage and if you weren’t racing against time.
“This sucks,” Yizhuo whined, throwing her head back and staring forlornly at the ceiling. “Where the hell are we gonna get that kind of money in four days?”
Minjeong raised a groomed eyebrow. “Can’t you ask your parents? Say it’s an emergency or something.”
Yizhuo’s head lolled to the side, frowning at her. “They still have me cut off, remember?”
And the thought wasn’t just devastating to Yizhuo who, up until a few months ago, had been living the life of a spoiled princess with the world right in the palms of her dainty, never-worked-in-her-life hands. Naturally, being the closest to Yizhuo where you all were practically sisters, you and Minjeong were tangled up in the punishment as well. That meant leeching off of her and her unlimited access to her parents’ money was ineffective until she learned her lesson.
After all, she was the reason why you and Minjeong had a roof above your head because apparently buying a house out-of-pocket was much more cost-efficient than renting, leaving you girls the responsibility of paying for groceries and sparing you just enough to spend for personal items. Yizhuo handled the rest as she had become somewhat of a sugar mommy.
“Apparently Daddy thought I was being very irresponsible with their money.” Yizhuo rolled her eyes. “Whatever that means—that I spend most of my time shopping rather than studying, which is so stupid when I already know the business like I know Daddy’s card details by heart! Why should I go to university when I’m set for life?”
She had gotten a job a week after spending what was left of her savings in a fit of panic. Lavishly, one could say, where the amount of clothes, bags, makeup and accessories had your eyes bugging out at the exorbitant prices printed on each receipt. Minjeong hadn’t been responsive all throughout. You didn’t think she was breathing either when she stared hard at a receipt from Prada.
Lucky for Yizhuo, Minjeong’s job at a thrift store had recently let go one of their former employees after her boss had caught them doing lines in the break room.
It was perfect for Yizhuo, low effort as she’d be manning the cashier and would occasionally keep the racks in stock. And best of all, she won’t be alone. She’d be with Minjeong which also came as a relief to you since it was a huge adjustment from not lifting a finger all her years on Earth thus far, to suddenly contributing enough to keep your mouths fed for at least twice a day.
“Wow,” Minjeong drawled, “your life must be so hard.”
“Ugh,” Yizhou groused, crossing her arms as she leaned against the foot of the couch with a moue reminding you of a spoiled child being told ‘no’. “You don’t even know.”
Judging by the look on Minjeong’s face, she was not having Yizhou’s tone-deafness in the slightest, and while you silently shared the sentiment—that the youngest of the household could have refrained from flaunting her privileged life, you didn’t want any casualties that could potentially turn into a court case. Because as sweet as Yizhuo was, she could be just as evil and vindictive to anyone that wronged her in some way.
“At least your parents let us keep the house,” you joked, patting Yizhuo’s knee with a smile. She at least appeared genuinely apologetic by the situation. “Any ideas on how we could get at least fifteen hundred dollars for three barricade tickets in”—you glanced at your calendar app—“four days?”
“Girl, you are asking for a goddamn miracle,” Minjeong sighed, “even Jesus took three days to resurrect.”
You nodded sagely and added, “took him six days to create the world,” which got a confused noise from Yizhuo.
“I thought it took seven?”
Minjeong shook her head. “No. He rested on the seventh day. Didn’t you go to Sunday School?”
“Not really. I barely lasted half a day.”
Well, all of you were definitely losing the plot here, quoting holy scripture, or whatever, but Minjeong was right; none of you were divine beings capable of pulling miracles out of your proverbial asses in time when the goddamn concert was in four days.
One could argue that you were given a long enough timeframe to save up for pre-sale, but when you had a friend like nepo-baby heiress Yizhuo Ning who had connections everywhere, it was guaranteed that you'll get the best seats at a concert of a big-named artist with her influence regardless of the limited time frame. Perhaps backstage passes if Yizhuo liked them enough. And she liked this one. A lot. She could never resist Sabrina Carpenter’s big blue eyes and bouncy blonde curls.
So, no. None of you had the forethought of pulling out the ‘Saving Up For A Concert For Dummies’ manual. Not when you had Yizhuo and her endless pockets full of hard cash to fall back onto.
Then she lost access (temporarily) to the Ning family vault, with barely anything saved up from her job because her spending problem wouldn’t vanish with just a snap of her father’s fingers, apparently. Now here you were: sitting in a circle on the plush, mauve, floral embossed carpeting that must have costed a fortune with crumpled dollar bills and junk you found deep in your purses like you were all trying out a crude summoning ritual for fat wads of cash.
Nothing could get worse than this. You’ve been through worse than this.
“We could sell feet pics?”
“Hell no. Feet freak me the fuck out,” Minjeong shivered.
You plucked the condom from the pile and lifted it up at face-level. “Would a used condom sell a lot to some weirdo freak out there?”
“Maybe,” Yizhuo replied the same time Minjeong said, in absolute disbelief that one of you would ever think of something so unhygienic, “I wouldn’t know, I’m a lesbian.”
“Yeah, no.” You wrinkled your nose. “You would not catch me pulling out a condom with some guy’s jizz in it from the trash. Ew.”
“How about a sugar daddy?”
“Eh. I’m not really into older men.”
“You saying you wouldn’t let the guy who played M-C-U Bucky Barnes hit?”
“Oh sure,” you said, sarcasm dripping thickly with each word that followed, “let me just hit up my buddy, my pal, Sebastian Stan on Instagram. Maybe I should call his phone number too! Y’know, the number that I don’t have.”
“Okay, sheesh. You don’t need to be so mean about it,” Minjeong mumbled.
“Oh! OnlyFans!” Yizhuo suggested with reverence as if she figured out how to attain world peace, earnest as her eyes rounded with excitement. “I’ve heard plenty of success stories. It can’t be too hard for any of us.”
A beat of silence, and then—
“Not it!” Minjeong exclaimed, touching the pad of her index finger to the tip of her nose.
“Not it!” came Yizhuo’s shrill voice a close second, copying Minjeong.
“Not it—fuck!” you wailed, half from being the sacrificial lamb and half because you smacked yourself in the fucking face from momentary panic which the girls didn’t seem to catch, too busy shrieking and hugging each other in relief. “No fair.”
“Oh, I think it’s plenty fair,” Minjeong shrugged, pressing her cheek against Yizhuo’s. “You were just slow.”
“And if anything, this’ll be easy for you!” Yizhuo cheered.
“Easy? okay—this“—you motioned wildly to your own body—“isn’t for the masses.”
Minjeong snorted. “Oh, sure. Tell that to the three guys you keep on rotation.”
“They’re just three guys. God forbid a girl has a healthy sex-life,” you whined. It was either wither away when you weren’t agonizing over your Architectural Design course—any of your courses, really—or fuck around with the guys you’ve met through mutual friends as your mode of relief. “and why does it have to be me? I’m sure either of you could pull off being an O-F model.”
“One,” Minjeong raised a finger, “don’t ever call me that. Even if it’s in a hypothetical sense. And two, the thought of men being the majority of my audience unnerves me. I don’t think you could make it so only women could see me, so fuck that.”
“Fine. I’ll allow it.” You turned to Yizhuo with an expectant look. “What about you?”
She returned it with an unimpressed one, bordering on disbelief the longer you stared at her, waiting to say her piece.
“You’re kidding, right?” No, you were not. Was there a joke hidden in those three words forming a question? Not that you knew of, so you gestured for Yizhuo to get on with the program. “I’m like, the last person you should send to the wolves.”
“Why not?” You pouted. “You’re like, the most charismatic of us three. Got a pretty face too, if that wasn’t obvious enough.”
“Uh-huh, yeah—calling me pretty won’t change my mind,” Yizhuo said, firm and that meant she won’t tolerate any more of your pushing, yet the pretty blush tinting her cheeks told you enough that you almost got through her. “I’m an heiress to one of the largest Chinese conglomerates back home. How’d you think that would look for me?”
Bad, I’m guessing, and you knew this first-hand.
There was an approximate six-thousand mile distance from where Yizhuo was brought up to where all three of you resided, yet that didn’t stop the Chinese media from getting their updates on how Yizhuo Ning was faring as an international college student.
You had a few run-ins with the paparazzi just dying to get dirt on Harbin’s sweetheart, fought with some too which had caused quite a buzz on both Weibo and Xiaohongshu when pictures of Yizhuo stumbling down the stairs of a frat house, looking drop-dead gorgeous were shared. No one could tell she was barely clinging onto sobriety. Or that she had already emptied her stomach twice in one of Sigma Chi’s bathrooms and a plant that surely had seen better days being under the care of jaunty frat boys who barely knew the concept of photosynthesis.
There was also a handful of you elbowing one of the paparazzi in the face when they had gotten too close. Your face, thankfully, had been blurred out. Same with Minjeong’s who had been trying her absolute damndest to keep you from getting aggravated assault charges while being tipsy herself.
If they had somehow caught wind of Yizhuo being involved in something so obscene—and you knew they would eventually—her life would be over. And yours. And Minjeong’s, because God forbid her parents might as well treat you as their own children with how often their darling daughter talked about you during their weekly check-up calls.
“And my parents would literally kill me if they found out their only daughter isn’t as virginal as they thought!”
“But you haven’t been a virgin since sophomore year.”
Yizhuo rolled her eyes. “They don’t know that, obviously.”
“And so that leaves me to be the breadwinner of this fucking household,” you said, heaving a conceding sigh. “God I hate you rich people.”
“I know you do. You say ‘eat the rich’ at least three times a day like it’s ‘grace’.” Yizhuo didn’t even sound remotely annoyed by your diss, basking in the relief of not taking your place and sacrificing her dignity. “It’s just until we get the tickets. Then you can be boring and gate-keep yourself until we have to slut you out again.”
“My body is a temple,” you said, feigning offense as you crossed your arms, cupping your breasts in a protective hold while Minjeong cackled. “Besides, OnlyFans might be easy on paper, but executing it? Four days won’t be enough. There are many factors involved and engagement won’t be that easy from how oversaturated it is. I’d be a no name. It’d probably take me months to get the amount we need and Miss ‘have you ever tried this one?’ would be in Europe by then.”
“And you did the math for that?”
“Only since we took all the shit out of our purses.”
“Right, because you always do the math for everything.”
“It’s a reflex.” You shrugged. You could even say it had been ingrained in you, haunted by the fact you almost failed Calculus I. You struggled less with it now, spending all summer drilling numerous Youtube tutorials into your brain and electing one of your classmates as your tutor. “How do you think we’ve survived this long without your parents’ money?”
Yizhuo shrugged. “Fair enough. Nerd.”
She gets a pillow to the face for that.
“Well,” you said with a clap. “If that’s all, I gotta go in”—you glanced at your watch and then panicked as you scrambled to get up—“five minutes ago. Fuck, I’m gonna be late!” The pop in your knees made you wince when getting on your two feet, making a bee-line towards your bedroom and stumbling over Minjeong’s thighs in the process.
“For a dick appointment?”
“If you count AutoCad fucking up my chances for a four-point-oh, then sure.”
So maybe you had lied about the dick appointment, but in your defense, you actually had shit to do.
It just so happened Renjun also majored in Architecture, and that you shared all of your classes with him because if you were walking into five years of hell, you sure as hell weren’t going to suffer alone. You were simply hitting two birds with one stone.
If only those two hypothetical birds you hypothetically murdered coughed up fat wads of cash enough for three tickets, then you’d be set.
You let out a defeated sigh. “I need fifteen hundred bucks.”
Renjun, who just got back from a shower, blinked at the bold request.
“Say that again? You need how much?”
“Fifteen hundred bucks,” you repeated.
Renjun's face twisted as he stuck his pinky into his ear and wiggled it around. “I’m definitely hearing things ‘cause there’s no way.”
You rolled your neck to blankly stare at him. “I can say it again in Mandarin, if you want.”
“Please don’t,” Renjun shook his head, not minding that you were trying really hard to set him on fire with your eyes. “That’s like, using what I taught you for evil.”
“Well that’s too damn bad,” and you repeated what you said in near flawless Mandarin.
The conversation should have ended there. He just had the most underwhelming orgasm to-date due to whatever weird headspace you were in throughout your—ahem—session that made it less passionate and more robotic, but getting blue-balled was considerably worse than having to act as your last-minute financial adviser.
He simply could ignore anything that had just left your mouth when your attention was set onto the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to his ceiling, but the unfortunate thing was that Renjun was nothing but indulgent at the moment.
Dregs of lust in his brain prevented any of his usual no-nonsense approach and it certainly didn’t help that he could never say no to a girl—a pretty girl, no less—no matter how insufferable they were. Specifically you with his sheets wrapped around your still naked body. Renjun was still a man, and his IQ could still lose a few points if a girl so much looked his way.
Since you were both things, a girl and pretty, he calmly graced your dilemma with an answer.
“I can only give you orgasms, I’m afraid.” He said with a pout you knew was meant to be patronizing, mocking almost, especially with a detached lilt to his voice.
This wasn’t new to you as it was one of his methods to get under your skin. He knew you hated it, and you could definitely tell he’d prefer to discuss something else. Or nothing at all, but he had already poked the bear which meant he had to listen to you whinge until you either 1.) get it out of your system yourself or 2.) or he did something about it, and Renjun knew exactly the choice he made, yet that obviously didn’t work.
“What’s the fifteen hundred for anyway?” he conceded, barely tampering down the reluctance of circling back on your current financial struggles while rubbing his hair dry.
“Barricade tickets to Sabrina Carpenter,” you said shifting onto your side so you could face him properly. “VIP too if possible. For me, Ningning and Minjeong.”
He closed his eyes, jaw clenching. Saying other girls’ names post-coitus should be considered an act of violation or something, but he digressed.
“I thought Yizhuo got you tickets already?” His eyes snapped open to regard you with a lost look. “Before the whole cutting her off from her parents’ money fiasco?”
“Well, no one was really expecting her to go broke. She didn’t think it was a priority when she could just get the tickets last minute.”
“And since they took away access…”
“No money for us until further notice.”
Both of his eyebrows rose at the sheer ridiculousness of Yizhuo, self-proclaimed number one Sabrina shooter who could not go one day without singing Feather as much as her lungs could take, not being able to cop tickets. “The concert is in four days.”
“Oh don’t I know it.” When it rang like a giant alarm in your head, it was hard to not think about it. “I’m thinking of taking out a loan from my bank.”
“Absolutely not,” he snapped and tossed his damp towel onto your face. You shrieked and clawed it away because, ew, gross. “No way in hell are you going into debt because of a concert. Are you fucking crazy?”
“It’s not like I can ask someone to buy them for me either!”
Renjun just barely resisted the urge to groan at the fact your persistent yapping almost ruined your then stellar bed chem.
“Like, who would be dumb enough to buy me a ticket? Let alone three?”
It’s surprising how you were able to come up with coherent sentences aftergetting your brains fucked out, but Renjun had always thought you were a weird one. Stamina on good days, yet a common cold could have you acting like you were knocking on death’s door.
“I’m sure I can name at least one person,” he said, thoughtful.
“Does this person have two-toned hair, perchance?” you wheedled, rolling onto your stomach to cup both of your cheeks with your hands looking like a flower in bloom for him. “Is his name Renjun Huang? A-K-A my favorite guy in the whole wide world?”
“You’re cute,” Renjun snorted, sitting on the foot of his bed. “But no.”
Your bottom lip jutted out in a pout. “You’re no fun.”
“There’s Jaemin,” he offered.
You grimaced. “Too needy.”
“Haechan?”
“Too mean.”
“And you still go to that asshole?” Renjun asked, incredulous.
“He’s a good lay?” you offered, sheepish almost under the glare of his disbelief and the full force of his eyebrows. “C’mon, at least one ticket for your best girl?” you cooed, laying it on thick with a flutter of your eyelashes. “The other two can probably work something out.”
Minjeong and Yizhuo were your girls. No one could ever doubt the love you had for them, being housemates for two years and counting, but desperate times called for desperate measures. It’s every man (well, woman) for themselves and if there was an opportunity right in front of you, might as well take it.
“Yeah…” he trailed off with a wince and you already didn’t like what he was about to say when he glimpsed at you and then at some random spot behind. “about that—“
“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t,” you ground out.
Renjun pretended like he hadn't heard you. “Someone from the student association gave me a ticket.”
“And you’re going?” You hoped he wasn’t.
As if he read your mind, Renjun’s mouth parted in offense. “It’s Sabrina Carpenter. It’s a great opportunity to clout chase.”
Oh he was definitely going to be insufferable on Instagram, talking about it for days on end. Just like you would be.
“Seriously?” you exclaimed, both hands covering your face, muffling your scream. This felt way worse than the time you almost didn’t meet the deadline of a plate submission that made up a large chunk of your grade. “Is everyone and their goddamn moms going except me?”
“Guess so.”
You peeled your hands away to Renjun scrolling through his phone in mild interest.
“Can you at least pretend to feel sorry for me?”
Renjun let his phone drop in between his crossed legs. “My condolences that you won’t get to see Sabrina do her Juno pose five feet away from you.”
“You’re the worst,” you groaned, sitting up and holding the blanket tightly to preserve your modesty. “I’m literally out of options and you’re already kickstarting the FOMO.”
“And what were your”—he waved absently to the air—“options exactly?”
“There was the OnlyFans route—and before you say anything else,” you gave Renjun a look that was sharp enough to make him think twice about his needling. He said nothing, thankfully, but his pursed lips and scrunched eyebrows said a lot. “yes, I did the math and we all agreed—surprisingly—that it would be impossible to earn that amount of money before the concert. Then Minjeong suggested a sugar daddy, but I’m not really up for being a geraitric’s pretty play-thing. What if he dies mid-sex—”
You got cut off from Renjun doubling over with laughter. “Sugar daddy? Why don’t you just ask Chenle then?”
“Why should I ask Chenle?”
“Why shouldn’t you ask Chenle?”
“That’s why I’m asking you,” you quipped back.
Renjun laughed again. A rich, belly-deep equal parts loud and grating. “You cannot be this dense,” he said as he calmed down. “I just mean—you guys are close, right? Close enough that he bought you a replacement T-square.” He watched you, amused, as you considered the question. Renjun can almost see the gears turning in your head, chin resting in his palm and using his leg to balance his elbow.
“It was an emergency,” you stressed with an eye-roll, though you didn’t exactly fight the fond smile settling on your lips at the memory of Chenle getting rung up for a new sixty-four-inch long acrylic T-square while you perused the rows upon rose of cute stationery. You hadn’t meant for your old one to snap cleanly in half, but when there was a guy who didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and, well, there was a reason why the running joke of a T-square doubling as a weapon was still relevant to this day.
“Doesn’t he pay for you guys when you hang out?”
Renjun snorted. “Sure. If you count him demanding us to Venmo him later.”
“Huh. He usually just pays for us both.”
Actually, now that you’ve thought about it, his housemates hadn’t ever gotten the privilege of Chenle covering for any of their expenses, much less a cheap meal from a well loved hole-in-the-wall restaurant. You didn’t think it was favoritism either. Was that a thing in friendships too? You had no idea, and you never had to ask when Chenle never thought twice to remind the waiter or waitress that he was paying for two. For me and her—he would nod his head towards you—only and leave the rest to settle their shared bill among themselves.
“Huh.” you repeated.
“Yeah-huh,” Renjun echoed with one corner of his mouth lifted up in a smirk. “Seriously, if you’re that desperate to see Sabrina up close, I’m sure he can work something out for you. What’s fifteen hundred gonna do?”
You both knew the answer to that. Nothing, because although Chenle wasn’t as high profile as Yizhuo and her family was, you had a vague idea on how deep his pockets ran if he barely spared a glance at his receipt from Gucci for a track-suit set he’d been meaning to get. He might as well have slapped you in the face with a thick stack of one-hundreds.
It would have invoked the same feeling of being too poor to even breathe inside the store and it had been a relief you thought of dressing up that day too despite the fact you’ve pulled an all-nighter to complete a handful of plates for design class the night before. You were at least spared from any judgment from the sales reps.
Still.
Renjun clicked his tongue, sensing your mental turmoil. “Just ask him. If he says no, then there’s your answer.”
Just ask him. Easy for Renjun to suggest when he wasn’t the one stewing away in a puddle of anxiety. He already had a ticket! Of course he’d think nothing of it.
Walking into Yizhuo’s obscenely large living room, you were once again reminded how excessive it was.
There was a grand piano in there, for fuck’s sake, in the far end after the actual living area with the plush seating, yet none of you could play any elaborate musical pieces except for Twinkle Twinkle Litter Star. Right next to it was a sunken conversation pit with a modern fireplace built into the large concrete column and there were a series of floor-to-ceiling windows and glass sliding doors encompassing the pit.
Other than overlooking the luscious, grassy backyard, the doors led straight to the deck where a round pool resided as its main attraction. There was a goddamn fountain just beside it, too. Who needs a fucking fountain in this economy anyway?
Actually, everything about the house was ridiculously extravagant for three college girls to live in. Your bedroom included. Yizhuo ended up giving you one of the bigger rooms and you were sure the drafting table you bought off of a grad student for cheap would do its job and cramp it up, but you knew the saying about gift horses and Mom raised you better than complaining about convenience being handed to you on a silver platter.
The round floor table of the conversation pit was vacant, though there were scattered papers, notebooks, textbooks and all sorts of pens on top of the reflective glass surface. That meant either one of the girls was home. Or both, as Minjeong’s and Yizhuo’s voices grew louder by each step towards the kitchen.
“Guess who might have found a solution to our ticketing problem!”
You slid onto the cushioned seats of the breakfast nook—a breakfast nook, Jesus—right across from Minjeong sipping her to-go cup of thai milk tea. She wordlessly slid on towards you. You took a generous drag of the stuff.
“Actually, it was more of Renjun’s idea—which I am effectively stealing.”
Yizhuo, who was in the middle of plating a hefty amount of pad see ew, looked like she swallowed something toe-curlingly sour. “Oh so you were with Renjun-ge.”
An easy smile curled on your lips as you lifted a shoulder to shrug, sweetly batting your eyelashes. “What can I say? The guy gives good head—” (“I did not need to know that.”) “—anyways, my idea.”
“Mine was probably better.”
“Oh yeah?” you drawled, egging Yizhuo on. “Let’s hear it then.”
“Breaking into the thrift store and stealing everything from the cash register.”
“What?”
“She claimed if her parents found out about her crimes, they’d have to bail her out from prison and then restore her money privileges,” Minjeong glared at the youngest who simply whistled to Espresso as she carried on with the food. “Then I had to remind her of her reputation.”
“Good thing you did ‘cause that’s the dumbest fucking idea I’ve ever heard,” you said and you made sure it showed on your face as Yizhuo wilted underneath your tangible disappointment that she would even risk an integral part of her privileged life when she had used it as a counter-argument to the whole OnlyFans thing. “So we’re going with my solution to our broke-ness—Chenle Zhong.”
Yizhuo did not look pleased whatsoever. “What does Caillou have to do with Sabrina Carpenter?”
You ignored Minjeong shrieking with laughter. “Chenle’s got money,” you said as if you were talking to a toddler barely getting a grasp on words having their designated meanings. “And do you know what we need to get tickets? Money, and Chenle has a lot of it.”
“It took Renjun for you to realize that Chenle could be our solution?” Yizhuo exclaimed in disbelief, head in her hands. “Oh my God—it took Renjun telling you, then you telling us that he could be our solution? How could I’ve been so stupid?”
Her head jerked upwards, ponytail swishing along and gave you a look so sharp and abrupt that you jerked in surprise. You fixed your posture so fast that your grandmother would have been proud. For once. “You’re definitely asking Chenle.”
“Uh—first of all, why me? Don’t rich people have, like, some sort of kinship with one another? Like, hey, can I borrow ten-thousand dollars? I’ll pay you back with five-percent interest.” That definitely wasn’t how deals between rich people were made, but whatever. “Second, why not you, money bags?”
“He’ll never say yes to me,” she said brusquely, clicking her tongue. “I kicked his ass a bunch of times in PUBG and he’s still bitter about it. It’s not my fault he sucks absolute balls. There’s like, a compilation of him complaining on stream about how I was cheating”—Yizhuo made air quotations—“on TikTok. It’s so funny. Actually, I’ll send you the link—”
You turned your gaze towards Minjeong for help, eyes widened a fraction for an added pathetic flair as the younger one focused on scrolling through the damn app.
“Don’t look at me. Chenle’s just cheap with everyone—actually, maybe except for you,” Minjeong pointed a long, black almond tipped nail in your direction. “the favorite.”
“You say it like it’s an insult.” You slurped your milk tea at an obnoxious volume, shrinking in your seat. “Maybe he’s just nicer to me because I’m nice to him unlike you two.”
“Is that what we’re calling it these days?” Minjeong said, eyeing you curiously.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She moved her gaze elsewhere. “Nothing.”
You squinted. “Uh-huh.”
“Anyways,” she said, pointedly keeping her gaze forward. “He started it. I asked him if I could borrow money for my Lyft and he laughed in my face.”
You pressed your lips together to keep yourself from laughing too because, yeah, the image was a little funny. “You’re exaggerating,” you said evenly.
Yizhuo made a half-wince, half-smile sorta thing with her face. “Are we though?”
“Lele’s not that much of an asshole,” you defended. “He drives me home. You could have hitched a ride with us is all I’m saying. And if I can remember correctly, he still gave you more than enough for your Lyft.”
“He didn’t have to laugh at me, then.” Minjeong looked like she was heavily debating whether she should smack you upside the head, or not. “For someone smart, you’re real stupid.”
You frowned. “Hey.”
The argument still carried on deep in your weekly ‘everything shower’.
“Face it, babe. He’s like your personal A-T-M.”
“Chenle doesn’t always get me things.”
You were aching in places you never knew existed as you passed the foamy loofah over your skin, yet the girls had denounced what it meant to have boundaries, making themselves at home in your bathroom to prove their joint points.
Yizhuo scoffed from where she sat on top of the closed lid of the toilet. “The shampoo you used earlier? That was imported from Japan.”
“So? He noticed I ran out the last time he was here. It’s just shampoo.”
“From Japan,” Yizhuo countered.
You pulled a face. “Is that supposed to mean anything? It’s fucking shampoo.”
She just threw her hands up in the air, visibly annoyed.
“And the body wash you’re using? From Chenle.” Minjeong piped up from the separated bathtub, pointed at the towels hanging on the towel warmer and added, “The bath towel set? Chenle.”
“Alright, fine, maybe—”
“The year’s supply of assorted sheet masks in the fridge we use?” she offered.
“The gargantuan tin of tea leaves you’ve mentioned you liked.”
“Okay. I get it—”
“A new backpack because your old one ripped at the seams.”
“Your underwear—”
“Hah!” You pointed triumphantly in Minjeong’s direction. “No, he hasn’t bought me any.”
“Not yet,” girl-in-bathtub emphasized, resting her chin on top of her arm propped on the tub’s edge. “Shit, he probably bought everything you own.”
“Okay, now you’re definitely exaggerating.” You snorted, walking into the spray of the shower to rinse off the suds. “I’m not that broke.”
“Should I also mention that if it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have met us? Or that you would have been homeless?” Well, yeah, and you would have figured something out eventually, but you weren’t expecting Yizhuo to bring that up to one-up you in an argument.
“I can’t believe you would use the ‘you would’ve been homeless if it weren’t for me’ card against me.”
“If it weren’t for Chenle, you mean,” she corrected, propping her cheek on top of her bent knee. You glared at the needless addition, though the usual effect wasn’t as strong with warm water sluicing down your face. To Yizhuo, you were definitely doing an almost perfect rendition of ‘wet cat’. “You can’t be this stupid. You’re literally his favorite. I doubt there’s another guy out there that would willingly—again, listen—willingly spend money on you.”
“Does Jaemin buying me a pack of gum the other day count?”
“Oh my fucking God, you’re hopeless.”
Minjeong shrugged. “Maybe he was lowkey telling you your breath stinks.” (“Ex-fucking-scuse you?”) “Didn’t Chenle buy you a ring that looked like a bent nail?”
“As a gift, yeah?” Your wince was immediate the moment Yizhuo gasped at your confirmation.
“That was Cartier!” She whipped out her phone from fuck knows where and showed you the website and its price. Did she have that tab open all this time just for a ‘gotcha!’ moment? Jeez, she scared you sometimes. “Look—Juste un Clou ring. Classic model. I would’ve given you rose gold, personally, but the white gold looks pretty too,” she mumbled, nodding approvingly. “He knows his stuff, at least.”
“Viola!” You turned to Minjeong making jazz hands with flourish. “If he can blow three grand on you without blinking, fifteen hundred would be nothing.”
You let out a heavy sigh, rinsing the loofah free from the suds. “How sure are we that there are any tickets left? Last I heard, three nights sold out.”
“It’s Chenle. He has connections everywhere. He’ll probably end up tracking scalpers too if he could help it.” She weighed her own words for a moment. “As long as you’re the one asking.”
“If you say so,” you trailed off, still not entirely convinced even by her radiating certainty.
“Uh-oh.” Yizhuo promptly sat up. “That’s not good. What’s wrong?”
“It’s just—I feel kinda weird. Asking him. Like, I’ve never really had to ask him for… stuff before.”
“What,” the girls said in a way so dry that you most likely would have broken out in sweat with how serious their faces were right now. Thunderous even.
“What do you mean by ‘not having to ask him’?” Minjeong asked, deathly calm.
“Just as I said. He just does it on his own. Without me telling him.”
In hindsight, Chenle might have been an option right from the very start if the thought of simply asking for help financially didn’t bother you in the slightest, but that’s the thing. The idea did bother you to your very core because, again, it wasn’t like you were broke. A victim to capitalism? Absolutely.
Once you broke the news to your parents and brother about your acceptance to one of the top universities in the state on a full-ride scholarship, they had insisted on a monthly allowance. They hadn’t minded extending a helping hand at all, and it was the least they could do to lighten the burden with the condition that you should be devoted to your academics.
Consequently, you were also good with multi-tasking, so you’ve managed a healthy work-play balance so far. What your parents and brother didn’t know wont hurt them and you hadn’t given them a reason to not trust you on your own, miles away from home, either. Not yet at least.
Deciding for a part-time job was after the realization that majoring in architecture was a bit heavy on the pockets from the consistent need for materials and printing out your designs brought to life by the handful of software provided by your department. The café pay was decent, you were tipped just as okay, and you wouldn’t say no to some cash on the side. Adding that to the remnants of your monthly allowance, it was enough to buy a thing or two at the end of the month as a treat.
And then came Chenle, guns ablazing, with no qualms swiping his card on your behalf.
You never really had to ask him.
Literally.
He would already have it taken care of before you could even pluck your wallet out and split the cost. You couldn’t remember if you had a time where you outright asked (begged) him for a few bills, and if you did, you always always promised to pay him back.
That being said, Chenle wouldn’t let you fight him on it either. When his mind was already made up, it was like talking to a brick wall, standing tall and impervious to almost everything. A losing battle when you’re up against someone headstrong yet so goddamn stubborn.
That’s where your hesitation had stemmed from, because it could either go two ways: he could say no and you could kiss your chances of brushing hands with Sabrina Carpenter goodbye, which would be the best case scenario, or he’d say yes, and once he said yes, there was no turning back. A yes from Chenle was law—signed and sealed that not even expressing the preconceived regret of asking a favor would shake him.
This was entirely different from Chenle just doing whatever the fuck he wanted with his own money without any of your persuasion. You never had to ask him for anything before and the fact of the matter was, you were damn terrified of asking if Chenle could be a bro one last time and drop what was equivalent to the price of a newly released iPhone for you.
Asking him would literally be so detrimental to your conscience that you would probably go insane with guilt and you couldn’t afford getting thrown into the nearest psych-ward when you had tons of deadlines to meet.
Minjeong leaned back to stare forlornly at the ceiling. “Lord, I see the luck you’ve bestowed upon this girl so stupid.”
“Hey!” You whined.
“Congratulations on getting a sugar daddy,” Yizhuo said, dry. “Can you ask him for tickets now?”
Oh God, you thought with abject horror. What if Chenle is my sugar daddy?
Technically speaking, though, you both fit the description. Minus the ‘sugar’ part so, quasi-sugar-daddy then?
Okay, no. That’s definitely not a can of worms you’re gonna open, like, ever. Chenle just happened to be there whenever you had to go out and buy shit. Just happened to be faster whipping out his wallet than you were. After all, he’s the spry athlete while you were five cans of Monster Energy away from keeling over.
What you’d like to get into now was how this conversation developed backwards where you had to be naked and wet to get some sort of pep-talk. Was this even considered pep-talk? This was somebody else’s form of nightmare for sure.
“This is really weird,” you said, neither confirming or denying Yizhuo’s so-called congratulations as you glanced between the two girls unabashedly staring at you in your birthday suit, expecting. “Can you guys leave?”
“Nothing we’ve seen before.” You met Minjeong’s eyes for a second before they strayed to your naked breasts and back up again. “Bet Chenle would love to see you right now.”
For whatever reason, Yizhuo mirrored Minjeong’s sentiments as she bobbed her head so fast you would think the idea was exciting for her. “Only right for you to give him some sugar, too.”
“Or—get this—I don’t do that?”
“Why not?” Minjeong frowned. “You fuck anything that moves.”
“Correction: I do not. I’ve only been with, like, five guys my entire life,” you said, brandishing one hand so they would get the picture. “And Chenle’s my friend! We’re like this”—you crossed your fingers, shaking them for emphasis—“tight, y’know? Literally everything’ll change if I go… do that.”
“You and Renjun are also”—she copied your crossed fingers—“like this, but you’re still fucking.”
“Well… that’s—that’s obviously different! He doesn’t count!” you said with each word increasing in pitch.
“Oh pray tell why you wouldn’t sleep with Chenle Zhong,” Minjeong goaded. “I may not like guys, but looking at him through an objective lens, he’s one of the good ones.”
“There’s no risk with Renjun because it’s strictly casual and platonic, and I know I wouldn’t get attached and develop—” you quickly clamped your mouth shut. Shit. “Uh—um—you’re breaking up,” you blurted, closing your eyes as you stepped into the heavy downpour of the rainfall shower. “I can’t hear you,” you said, though that likely sounded like incoherent blubbering. You were sure you’ve got your point across with that piss-poor save anyway.
“We can literally see you.”
You turned your back to them. They could talk to your ass if they wanted. Out of sight, out of mind. “Not anymore, you don’t.”
You hoped that was the end of it, though it was made clear time and time again that the girls weren’t satisfied with your hedging. A growl was heard, followed by the quick plap plap plap of feet against the cold tiles. As the glass door squeaked, the brief water prison you’ve enclosed yourself in stopped soon after and you opened your eyes to a hand retracting from one of the knobs.
There was barely a second for you to complain before an undignified yelp was forced out from your throat when you were spun around to find Yizhuo’s dour face, her hands clamping down on your shoulders.
“You’re just admitting this to us now?” she said, incredulous, and a little surprised that you’ve managed to keep a crucial detail from them for this long.
“It wasn’t like an immediate thing I needed to resolve!” you argued, “but the thought was always there, I guess. Just sitting in the back of my mind until you brought up sex with Chenle. And I’m busy, in case it wasn’t obvious enough to you non-architecture majors. Never had the chance to explore it, y’know?”
Busy was the biggest understatement of the year. Your life revolved around sketching, drafting, rendering—hell, even printing your designs on sheets of paper almost (more or less) half your height had never been this stressful. Adding a part-time job to that? It was a miracle you were still kicking.
With all that combined, you didn’t have the time to give a damn about relationships running deeper than casual, less emotionally charged flings. Those were easier to manage without the messiness of feelings involved.
“Well, Dora the Explorer,” Yizhuo tendered as she handed you your heated towel. “you better start explorin’ because you’re gonna fuck him either way.”
You swiped the towel from her. “No I’m not.”
“No you’re not,” Yizhuo agreed, and maybe the shrewd glint in those beady eyes of hers was only your imagination, toweling yourself dry and wrapping it around you once you were less damp. “but at least keep it as your trump card if he gets difficult—which I’d doubt, really.”
“You guys’re that confident he’d say yes?” you mused, pushing past Yizhuo to grab the other towel for your head. “It’s gonna be so embarrassing if he says otherwise.”
“To the tickets? Or the sex?” Minjeong then heaved a dramatic gasp, eyes wide as her voice dropped to a staged whisper. “Or worse, your alleged feelings.”
You puffed out your cheeks, ignoring the rush of warmth blooming onto your face. “Now I’m hoping he says ‘no’.”
“Oh, girl, trust me when I say ‘no’ is the last thing he’ll say to you.” Yizhuo said, looking very sure of herself. “So. How soon can you get to him?”
“God I hate you rich people.”
Yizhuo beamed. “I know.”
Well, it wasn’t like you were a stranger to testing your luck.
You: wyd
Lele: ? Lele: I’m not one of your groupies Lele: need something?
You: wanna get groceries with me? :D
Lele: be there in 15 Lele: need to grab Daegal’s kibble too
You: ur the best ✨✨
Lele: i know i am
You: girl whatever.
Lele: ❤️
“You know, when you said groceries, I was expecting personal stuff—like skincare or some shit,” Chenle said loftily. “Pads? Tampons? God forbid a menstrual cup—“
“How do you even know what a cup is,” you muttered. “and my period ended a week ago.”
“I know.” You looked up from your work to Chenle squinting down at his phone. He caught your eye and beamed, pocketing the device. You were too afraid to ask what that was about. “We could have gone to Sephora after.”
Oh you definitely could have if you had been more specific with what groceries meant, but you simply said to take both your asses to the nearest H Mart. Cute as the thought was, you weren’t exactly in the mood to watch Chenle try and figure out which products were on your current rotation. It would have made good content for him though, a sure hit for his predominantly female fanbase, yet the looming three days left to secure tickets above your head kept you from suggesting that.
“Well, I can’t exactly cook you a five-star meal with hyaluronic acid now can I?”
He blinked and answered with a bland, “I have no idea what that is.”
You squinted at him, taking in the way he’s got his head tilted at an angle where the lighting hit one side of his pale face just right. No texture whatsoever, like a smooth, almost blank canvas marked by a singular mole on the cheek.
“‘Course you don’t,” you grunted, envious of his near perfect skin.
Chenle’s gaze slid towards the pot on the stove, then to his wooden chopping board where a humble spread of your additional ingredients had been neatly organized in small piles with two open noodle packets. “Also, that’s just your classic Shin ramyeon and some crab balls.”
“Well damn, Chenle, I’m no Gordon fucking Ramsay,” you snapped, swatting at his arm. “So ungrateful.” An elaborate recipe was out of the question when you were too busy panicking about how the hell you were going to pull this off.
(“The one thing you’re gonna ‘pull off’ is your top,” Yizhuo instructed as she followed you out the gargantuan front door. “You know how guys are with boobs. They’re like catnip for them.”
“Please don’t compare my tits to catnip.”)
He cackled, tucking himself into your side with an arm thrown around your shoulders in a side-hug. “Thank you,” he cooed, and like a cat, rubbed his head against yours. “You didn’t have to do all this, but I’d never say no to food.” You couldn’t exactly see his face like this, but you could hear his appreciation. Your heart squeezed at the press of his cheek against your temple.
See, it’s little moments in time like this were what jump-started the on-going betrayal you would never expect from your own beating heart, and Chenle made it extremely hard for you to not entertain any straying thoughts formed by the casual intimacy between you. It really didn’t help that Chenle was physically affectionate, and it especially didn’t help that you spent most of your time with him despite majoring in vastly different programs.
Starting the day with Chenle waiting in his car to take you to school, ending it with him driving you home and everything in between was a sure gateway for neutral feelings to gradually do a one-eighty. Reaching that level of comfort where you felt safe with him was just as inevitable, too. Chenle was safe. Always has been.
But for both of your sakes, it had been a conscious choice of burying yourself into your work—letting yourself get fucked over by the workload you had to do. The minor breakdowns you’ve had every time your calculations went wrong, or when color or material swatches didn’t seem to go together than you’d originally thought saved you from overthinking every single interaction with him.
You wouldn’t risk it. You couldn’t risk it.
“What’s the occasion?” Chenle prodded. Still there. Still close. Still trying his hardest to weld himself to your side that he would soon figure out something was up the moment you went stiff in his hold, but you were just as quick coming up with some bullshit excuse to save your own ass. Though it begged the question whether it will hold up against Chenle’s incessant need to stick his nose into anyone’s business.
The longer he stayed quiet, the more your nerves fried. His house—house because Chenle was a loose cannon with money like Yizhuo—was always set to a cool temperature and you wore an outfit that wasn’t meant to cover up much at all, yet you could feel yourself break into sweat the moment he pulled himself away from your space. You still stood there frozen and the pot was taking too long to fucking boil.
“No occasion!” you exclaimed, spinning on your heel to face him with the sweetest and most disarming smile you could muster at the moment. A drop of sweat trickled from your temple down to your cheek when all Chenle did was wrinkle his nose as he took a step back. “‘was just in the mood to cook… something. For you—uh, for us. I was craving ramyeon.”
“You were craving Shin ramyeon,” Chenle echoed, not looking at all convinced. “Shin ramyeon that Yizhuo has stocked in her pantry.”
“That’s why I asked you to get groceries with me,” you replied in haste. “We were running out.”
Which wasn’t a lie. Technically.
The three of you used to gorge on whatever there was in the kitchen, fridge or pantry, or DoorDash when any of you craved something specific. Key words were ‘used to’ because snack options had been limited to cheaper alternatives and what was cheaper and filling than a packet of noodles that took less than five minutes to cook? Really, it was like you were back in your freshman dorm, living off of instant noodles.
“Running out.” The more Chenle repeated whatever you said, the more you started to realize how deep of a grave you had dug for yourself. “You bought just enough for two people to eat.”
“Right.” You drawled, snapping your fingers and hitting him with the finger-guns. Might as well make yourself look even more like a jackass than you already are with the dogshit lying. “Right—so no plans later? I could use another H Mart run.”
Chenle cracked this time. “You’re a shitty liar,” your name tapered off into laughter. “You want something, don’t you? You’re never this nice to me.” He simpered with a certain type of fondness you’d usually see in people witnessing a puppy scaring itself with its own bark—he should really stop that. You were already kind of a mess from the way he’d freely insert himself in your bubble like he owned the space. You didn’t need the ooey-gooey, cavity-inducing stares to go with that too.
This was all clearly very amusing to him—you stumbling over your own words picked out from throwing darts at random in an attempt to gaslight him. He shouldn’t find any humor in this, really, but Chenle had always been chill like that. Marching to the beat of his own drum or however the saying went that the ease of falling into character, the jester to his court, wasn’t surprising.
If it made him that happy, then you’d continue shaking your fool’s cap for him. As a friend, of course.
“What? Me?” you said, guileless and with a hand flat on your sternum, eyes rounded with that faux gleam of innocence for the full effect. “I have never wanted anything in my life.”
“Anything?” he pressed and received a firm nod. “Not even barricade tickets to Sabrina Carpenter?”
You gaped at him, stuttering out words that weren’t even qualified to be in the English dictionary until you settled with a broken, “who told you that.”
Chenle smiled serenely in kind, not at all fazed by your brain blue-screening in real time. “Renjun.”
The mention of a name sobered you up in record speed.
“That snitching bitch,” you seethed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I only told him because I was hoping he'd help me think of options, or buy me a ticket himself. The girls could figure something out.” You paused, absorbing the situation as your hand fell back to your side. “Less work for me, though. I've been shitting my pants since, like, yesterday.”
“Yeah?”
You huffed a short laugh. “Oh yeah. There’s this theory going around—not that I believe it—that it’d be easy convincing you.”
“Easy,” he huffed, amused.
“Easy as in—I just have to ask you.”
Chenle tilted his head, considering you for a moment. “Alright. Ask away.”
You balked, grasping straws for a response.
“Ask away?” Nod. “Just like that.” Nod. “I’m not asking just for me, y’know? I’m also asking for Minjeong and Ningning. Since we’re broke and desperate girls who just happen to love the same singer.” Chenle only raised an eyebrow, slowly nodding in a way that said, ‘yeah. I know. What are you trying to say?’.
“Are you not worried how much it’s gonna cost you? Even just a little bit? I’m already feeling sick just thinking about it.” You grimaced.
“Not really, no.” He shrugged, slanting an easy smirk.
You pursed your lips. Right. Okay. So maybe you had severely underestimated how disposable money was to him, then. It didn’t seem like he minded at all, barely showing any negative emotion sans the boredom slowly coloring his features.
You, on the other hand, were already knee-deep in a bog of guilt and regret that you could honestly spit-up today’s lunch from how nerve-wracking this was; standing in front of him while carrying as much audacity a human being was allowed to and asking for something so expensive.
“You’re insane if you actually say yes. I don’t know about you, but if someone asked me for a thousand bucks and told me, ‘oh, bee-tee-dubs, I’m not gonna pay you back. Like ever.’, I’d consider suing the hell out of that person until they have to file for bankruptcy.”
“I mean, money’s never been an issue so I don’t see why my attorney should be involved.” The fact that he actually has an attorney (or a full-blown legal team. You never know) at the ready did not bring you comfort in the slightest. Chenle still tried though. You could at least appreciate that. “I wanna circle back on your so-called theory, though.”
“Don’t look at me.” Both of your hands raised in defense. “I’m not the one who came up with the ‘I’m Chenle’s favorite’ theory. The girls did.”
“Did they?” And for some ungodly reason, he looked delighted by the claim. “Well, can’t say they’re wrong.”
“Chenle,” you warned with a tone so biting you would think it’d have him think twice with this blasé approach.
Though maybe there was something on your face that betrayed the annoyance you’ve vocalized when all Chenle did was smile genially as the syllables making up your name passed through his lips in smooth succession.
“I’m not a charity case,” you muttered, flexing your fingers then curling them into fists. You weren’t too sure if you were pleased hearing it from the source. That you were Chenle’s favorite, confirmed by the man himself. Whatever that meant, or more annoyed that he really couldn’t care less about the money he’d wasted on you because you were his favorite. “You know I don’t take charity as well as normal people would.”
“Why do you think I never let you argue?” He said cheekily. “It’s easier and faster that way. And it’s no big deal! Seriously,” Chenle emphasized quickly at the sight of your deepening frown.
“But it is to me! If there’s one thing I know, it’s that nothing is ever just free. People these days are always expecting something in return. Maybe not right away and what if you’re just letting me rack up enough debt so you could ask me for my soul, or something.”
Chenle snickered. “So this is an exchange, then. Your noodles for concert tickets. You drive a hard bargain,” he wondered with an impish quality to his words, giving you a once over. Twice. It made you a little self conscious, shifting from foot to foot the longer sharp, cat-like eyes passed over your form. “Is that why you’re dressed like that? In case your cooking didn’t make a good bribe—oh, sorry—exchange?”
“Like what, exactly?” You asked, a little offended that he wouldn’t completely fold—or at least crease—at the first bite of a dish that earned its Michelin stars back in Yizhuo’s kitchen. Or that your chosen outfit wasn’t creaming any pants.
“Didn’t you wear this exact outfit when you skipped class to meet with Haechan that one time?”
“It was a different top, I think.” A top that was just as fast to remove too, so you understood the confusion. “How do you even remember that?”
“I remember lots of things,” he clarified, closing the distance until you could make out the top notes of his five-dollars-per-spray perfume with each inhale. “Like how you dress differently whenever you meet with one of your guys.”
“Gee what a coincidence. I wonder why I’m dressed like I am about to meet with one of my guys while in your kitchen.”
This time it’s Chenle who got the surprise of a lifetime, eyes almost bugging out of his skull as those lips you had once imagined yourself kissing just to see how they’d give under the soft pressure parted in a delicate ‘o’. He was quick to recover though, with a sly uptick of his mouth replacing the initial shock of finding out that, yes, you’d probably sleep with him if it came to that.
“Didn’t think you’d be that desperate for tickets.” He’s closer now, too close for comfort that you backed into the edge of the kitchen counter. “Is that how you’re gonna repay me?”
“It’s charity work,” you answered blithely, emboldened by Chenle’s interest because, fuck, might as well. “Fuck knows if you’ve been getting your dick wet or not. I’d literally be doing you a favor.”
Chenle didn’t seem to take offense to that as he threw his head back in raucous laughter.
“Charity for charity.” He grinned. “Seems fair.”
And the words had never sounded sweeter until they came from Chenle’s mouth. You could already hear yourself screaming with the crowd filling up the arena, with your girlfriends who you absolutely did not resent for essentially pimping you out to the one guy who could arguably make your dreams come true—
“I’ll think about it.”
Both Minjeong and Yizhuo were dead to you.
“Think about—” you paused, taking steady breaths until you were calm enough to start talking again. “Chenle. Lele,” and out came the big guns, being sweet to him and using the cutesy nickname the girls from the Chinese Students and Scholars Association would croon to get at least five seconds of his attention. Watching that play out from the sidelines always left a sour aftertaste, how they all would go as far as touching him when they decided holding eye-contact wasn’t enough to fuel their delusions.
You’ve soon come to realize that it was jealousy that caused your eye to twitch when Chenle’s capitalistic smile turned honeyed towards his junior. Because there wasn’t a day where you were short of his attention.
Perhaps the thought was a little unhealthy, but what if you said it was what you were used to? Can anyone fault you for being a little catty after that interaction?
Calling him Lele worked, you thought. Or so you hoped. You weren’t sure rendering him silent was a good thing, actually. Silence never bode well with larger-than-life Chenle Zhong whose entire personality was being loud, especially with eyes as expressive as his. Dark as shots of espresso you’ve brewed countlessly at work laced with something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.
“The concert is in two fucking days! There’s no time to think—you know what? This was a bad idea. I don’t know how Ningning talked me into—” you shook your head, pressing the back of your hand to your cheek with a heavy sigh. “We can just eat the goddamn noodles and forget all this. I’ll just tell the girls they were wrong, and you said no—”
“Oh, no no no,” you would never admit to making such an undignified sound when Chenle pulled you back by his steady grip on your wrist. “you can’t make that offer and leave just like that, c’mon.” And he had the audacity to whine on top of it.
“Well that’s before I—what are you doing.”
“Making sure I am getting something out of this,” he murmured, crowding in on you further where all you could see right in front of you was Chenle, and whatever you could see over the slope of one hoodie-covered shoulder.
Which by all means wasn’t a lot to begin with, him being taller and broader than you. And Chenle wasn’t even super tall. You knew plenty of people that exceeded the one-hundred-and-eighty centimeter mark, like that Jisung kid who hung out with you both on occasion. Wasn’t even built like a brick shithouse like Jaemin and his friend, your on-and-off tutor, Jeno.
Yet the way he had you cornered, hands planted firmly on the polished quartz countertop boxing you in, kind of screwed with your perception—made him appear bigger than he actually was. Perhaps it was the intensity of his gaze, pinning you down with deep pools framed by gradually thinning rings of brown the longer this stare down went on.
Coupled with the heat radiating off of Chenle, from standing so much closer where it totally crossed the limits of what it meant to be platonic, something just as heated unfurled beneath your navel.
“What—whatever you want,” you stuttered, swallowing thickly when the soft material of his jacket brushed along the strip of skin left exposed by your cropped top.
“Whatever I want?” Chenle’s tongue darted out, wetting his lips as he studied you. “Even outside of sex?”
It was really hard trying not to not stare at his mouth. “I think being your errand girl will get you your money’s worth than a regular pump n’ dump.”
“The mouth on you.” Chenle cracked a lipped smile, wide enough that a hint of teeth peeking between the soft rosebud pink of his lips. “‘My girl’ does have a nice ring to it.”
Warmth creeped up your neck. “You forgot the word ‘errand’.”
“I know what I said,” he murmured, coming in closer that the tip of his nose gently nudged yours. “Kiss me.”
Your breath hitched, eyes growing into saucers because kiss me could imply anything. Everything.
“What—“
“You said whatever I want,” Chenle pointed out. “and I want you to kiss me. Or I want to kiss you, actually. Real bad.”
Words, apparently, weren’t enough to prove how much Chenle could want something as simple as a kiss.
Slender fingers splayed themselves along your waist, just marveling that you’re allowing him to touch you like this—with reverence. Palms cooled by the counter and the calluses earned from years of basketball raised gooseflesh along your skin when dragging them along the expanse of your stomach. The dips of your waist again—like he couldn’t resist how softer you were there—your back, until one of Chenle’s hands settled beneath the curve of your spine, the other just shy under the side of your breast.
Chenle was impossibly closer now and your body’s natural response was to arch into him and—oh, he’s hard. So hard—straining against the fly of his jeans pressed against your stomach, and you’ve barely done anything except letting him feel you up, leaving phantom brands of his touch along the way.
“Feel that?” Chenle said, voice low and gravely, delivered like it was a secret only you two should know. He pushed his hips further into yours causing him to groan quietly as you gasped, your hands laying flat on his chest to steady yourself. “You’re definitely getting your tickets if it’s the last thing I do.”
Somehow, out of everything Chenle said, that knocked the breath out of you. The utter conviction. How positive he was in his own right that he will get those tickets for you, one way or another.
Frankly, you couldn’t care less about them now, nor what you had to do in exchange for what was essentially overpriced pieces of paper. All you cared about was who you were getting them from: Chenle, his mouth just a couple of centimeters—all yours for the taking, how secure his hold was around you as if the mere thought of you drifting away any second unnerved him, and the fact that he wanted to kiss you.
Because maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t at all one-sided. Maybe what Minjeong and Yizhuo had been speculating held some substance that, yes, it wouldn’t be too hard if it was you appealing to Chenle’s sweeter side. Maybe the notion was that gratifying to your dwindling self-esteem because how could you deny his simple request?
So with a breathy, almost breathless, “just—just shut the fuck up about the tickets for a second,” you cupped his face with both hands and yanked him down for a kiss.
Chenle’s kisses were syrupy-sweet, if not purposely drawn out as though he was savouring a once in a lifetime opportunity; uncertain if he’d ever get the chance again. The most surprising thing about kissing Chenle, other than the act itself, was the unhurried pace. So unlike the man you would see loping over with this restless energy ready to leave him bursting at the seams, harrying his friends (anyone, really) to play ball with him.
It had been near impossible, forcing him to sit still when all Chenle knew was to keep on moving. Keeping close at his heels was a fixed workout you didn’t remember ever signing up for. It was only to your relief that he made sure to keep you right behind him. Beside him, rather. There wasn’t a time where Chenle would knowingly leave you behind and if that ever happened, he would always wait for you to catch up.
There was no rush, and maybe that was the point of it all. Chenle’s willingness to adjust for you with no terms and conditions applied, and you have yet to see him stop.
With each push and pull, worrying teeth on lips and a shallow press of a warm wet tongue, Chenle kissed you like he was a man starved, stumbling upon an oasis and letting himself drown after a drought lasting so long. He kept with the pace, not doing too much or too little, lips slotting together like perfect puzzle pieces. Sweet and deliberate, each movement holding intention. Chenle really wasn’t fucking around when admitting he wanted to kiss you.
You shared that want too. More than you had initially allowed yourself, but that was to be expected when you’ve basically repressed every not-so-platonic thought regarding Chenle for a long while. And you know what they said about bottling it all up.
It came bursting in a flurry rush of movement. From their tender cradling, your fingers reached up to curl into Chenle’s freshly dyed jet-black hair just as he mirrored your own growing need, lithe arms coiling around your torso as your mouths grew greedier by the second. A show of teeth pulled an airy moan out of you turned muffled the second he licked into your mouth.
From there, kissing just became a mere afterthought. Devolving into a carnal dance of tongues, lapping it all up to get your fill.
Chenle tasted just as sweet as he kissed before, like the lemon ginger candy he had stocked around his house, his car and sometimes you would catch him plucking a piece or two out of his pockets. And it was quickly becoming a problem where you just knew there was no coming back from this.
That nothing will ever be the same once you walk out of that door when all of this is over. You couldn’t go back, not when you’ve gotten a taste of what it was like swapping spit with the guy, the same guy who you had thought wasn’t worth the risk.
Fuck it, might as well risk everything, then. You’ve already kissed him, already bulldozed past that boundary you swore you would never cross. So long as Chenle wouldn’t mind a kiss, or two, or three—until he has to pry you off of him and say enough is enough, you’d let yourself crave the sensation of having his mouth give under yours.
Just like how you chased after the plushness of his lips with a meek whine when he drew back, grinning at the state he reduced you to—a needy little thing this high strung over a kiss.
Please. As if he didn’t pop a boner at the thought of kissing you.
Just as you were about to voice out the retort, one of his hands raised to cup your cheek. You leaned into the touch, feeling small under his thoughtful gaze as his thumb swiped over your kiss-swollen lips. You chased after that feeling, too, each drag winding the coil of your self-control tighter and tighter ‘til it snapped like you did, catching his thumb in between the edges of your teeth.
Chenle’s gaze darkened then, no traces of the playful glint you were used to seeing as he surged forward and kissed a searing path from the corner of your mouth, all the way up to the swell of your cheek. Then lower, and lower until the scrape of teeth under the hinge of your jaw made your knees buckle from the sensation with a gasp.
You gripped his hair tighter, though you made no move to pull him off. “That—this is more than just a kiss,” you lightly chided, voice shaky. “Greedy.”
“So what if I am?” He mumbled, mouthing his way down your neck. Your fingers left his hair and curled around his nape. “Want me to stop?”
Pulling him in further by his neck told him enough. The vibration of his pleased humming against where your pulse was at its strongest made you shiver. You could feel him smirk. Like a knife to your neck.
“Thought so.”
Staying true to his words, he didn't stop. Chenle latched onto your mouth again and you’ve quickly grown familiar with his rhythm. Only this time, his hands joined in the fray, seemingly needing more than just having you secured in his arms.
Though perhaps you bit off more you could chew.
Like, yeah, getting fucked by Chenle wasn’t the most horrible idea you’ve had so far in your early twenties, but thinking about it was vastly different from actually doing it.
So you were definitely in your right to squeal when one of your best friend's wandering hands went up your skirt.
Chenle stilled and pulled back with his eyebrows knitted together. Your face was on fire, both from his bold move and the embarrassing sound you made.
“You okay?” He asked, the same hand that was under your skirt—right below your ass cheek—rubbing soothing circles. It was anything but soothing. When you’ve got thighs as sensitive as yours, the only thing Chenle was helping with was making you hornier.
If he moved his hand a little further up and a little further in, he would have felt just how soaked your panties were.
“I—uh—I’m not ready.”
He blinked. “My hand is literally up your skirt that’s barely covering your cute little butt,” he pointed out as his hands trailed higher and squeezed the plump flesh. “and you’re not ready.” Now he’s looking at you like you’re crazy. Shit, maybe you were. And it’s his fault. He’s just as crazy for calling your ass cute to your face, too.
“I mean yeah, that’s nice and all—your hand is really warm, um—but I may or may not have been talking out of my ass about fucking you.”
Chenle snorted. “I dunno. Your outfit clearly screams ‘fuck me!’. Cute shirt, by the way.” A stray hand wedged itself under the tight fit of your tube-top, earning him a sharp intake of breath when his fingertips grazed the underside of your tit. His touch didn’t go further than that, hand simply splayed across your ribs. “If you can call it that.”
“You bought me this shirt, dumbass.”
“Even better,” he said, delighted by the thought. “Feeling cold?” Chenle wondered, almost in an innocent, offhanded manner you wouldn’t think much of if the twitching of his mouth slipped under your radar. You caught his leering stray south, too. Just what could he possibly be intrigued by when he was quite literally sharing your breathing space?
With eyebrows furrowed, you let your curiosity get the best of you, tracing his line of sight.
You should have stayed curious.
Better yet, you shouldn’t have acknowledged the change of his focal point because of course he’d take notice of your nipples poking against the soft material of your shirt; as if they were saying ‘hi’ to the man who had come so close to giving them some attention.
Chenle dissolved into a fit of cackles. You could only imagine how embarrassed you looked to him. Why were you even embarrassed? You chose to forgo a bra in hopes of distracting him with your boobs if all else failed.
“Yeah, yeah,” you acquiesced, keeping your chin up as you blindly reached for his hands. “Hands where I can see ‘em, pervert.”
Only, you don’t exactly take his hands off of you. This was like, casual touches here and there dialed up to an eleven, right? It wasn’t a foreign concept to you, being held by him. Being friends with him for this long and counting, hugs were a thing you were frequently subjected to, and Chenle loved those, so you did your due diligence of settling his hands on your hips as a pseudo form of it.
A peace offering, if you will, for cutting the closeness short and a little because you were starting to like the warmth emanating from a more intimate touch.
Seemingly pleased by your initiative, Chenle graced you with the sweetest of smiles, squeezing you. That got him a snort and a fond shake of your head, though the amusement dimmed into contemplation as you lingered on the silver padlock-shaped pendant hanging from the dainty chain of the same metal around Chenle’s neck, not knowing where to go from here.
Eventually, you found your voice. “That better be worth fifteen hundred bucks,” you joked because if there was one thing about you is that you had a knack for making light out of an emotionally charged situation.
“I’ve spent more on you before, and you're worth every single penny so far.”
That shouldn’t have flustered you. Really, it shouldn’t have you hot in the face when you weren’t sure if he meant the dig towards you unintentionally milking him of his fortune. But Chenle’s ease of letting weighted words spill from his mouth was the sure contender here, and to deliver the final blow was the charming grin that ensured you everything was going to be just fine. He’d make sure of it.
“That’s definitely something a sugar daddy would say,” you said with a wry curl of your mouth. “Are you my sugar daddy? Because I can’t remember the last time I had to pay for my shit when you’re around.”
There was one time you went out for a bagel on your own, though that didn’t seem like a big girl purchase compared to your ergonomic chair he had ordered from Amazon. The look he had given you when you told him you made do with the many dining chairs Yizhuo had around her huge glass dining table had been the funniest thing you had ever seen. Like stiff chairs having multiple uses was a foreign concept to him.
You didn’t have the heart to tell him that you were mostly on your feet when you had to (by hand) draft floor plans and vignettes that took up almost the entire space of your choice of paper. And the chair was comfy. Good for your back too.
“It does look like that, huh?” Chenle laughed at that, shaking his head as he did so out of endearment because you just wouldn’t get it. “What if I just like taking care of you?”
Now wasn’t that an insane thing to say out loud? Granted that you could kind of see where he came from as he did save your sorry ass a bunch of times with either a tap or a swipe of his card, this was Chenle you were dealing with. The likelihood of him just pulling your leg under the guise of flattery was great and backing down that easy had never been your forte. No matter how sweet he was being about it.
You could count the serious conversations with him on both sets of your fingers and this regularly scheduled bout of psychological warfare won’t even count.
“You just want to get in my pants,” you accused with a defiant raise of your chin.
“You almost let me in your pants,” Chenle pointed out, his fingers gently grasping your chin so he could tilt your head back at its normal angle. “My hand was literally up your skirt and I heard no complaints until you got stage fright.”
“Fair,” you allowed with a shrug. “Still not gonna fuck you though. Not now at least.”
“Whatever you want,” he said softly as he bent down to catch your gaze. “and you know I won’t do anything you don’t want to.”
You hummed, thinking Chenle’s words over. “I’ll give it a few days until you’re on your hands and knees begging to stick just the tip in.”
Chenle’s smile wobbled then turned pained. “If I have to.”
It took three whole seconds for his admission to register in your brain before you sputtered a laugh, falling forward until his shoulder cushioned your forehead. No wonder you and Chenle worked so well. There was not a serious bone in any of your bodies and you wouldn't want to change it for the world.
“Down, boy,” you teased, still cackling as you nuzzled into his neck. “Who’s desperate now?”
He huffed. “Like you weren’t trying to eat my face moments ago.”
You pulled back with a pout. “I could say the same about you.” You poked him in the chest. “Were you actually trying to suck my soul out?”
“Regret anything yet?” Chenle’s question was posed as playful, but there was undertone of uncertainty to it too and over the years, you’ve gotten good at figuring out his tells. The uncharacteristic sudden stiffness in his frame, the way he chewed the inside of his cheek (subtly as he could) and the tightness around his eyes—he thought you did. Regret it, that is, but it was the farthest from what you were feeling right now.
“The only thing I regret is not seducing you sooner.”
And that did it. Anything that fell in the same vein of uncertainty gave way to the radiance you were much more familiar with.
Chenle looked like an absolute winner—the cat that caught the canary and washed it down with cream in celebration of his win before diving in for his prize.
Until Daegal barked at the sound of jingling keys the moment your lips were a hair breadth away from touching, her excitement piercing through the bubble and granting you awareness from beyond it; namely the pot barely having any water being left on the burner for too long.
There was a flash of white from your peripheral as you shared a panicked look with your qausi-sugar-daddy when the front door opened, followed by one of Chenle’s housemates, Beomgyu, announcing his arrival with a loud, “I’m home!”
“Shit,” you whispered and the two of you set into motion. Harried, if anything, yet still efficient with the swiftness Chenle displayed in fixing your clothes just as you smoothed stray strands of his hair back in place.
For a quick moment, he took a good look at you, a crease in the middle of his eyebrows before he was shucking off his hoodie and urging you to wear it.
“Didn’t take you for the protective type,” you teased, yet took it without question as Chenle rolled his eyes with a gentle shake of his head, watching you pull on the sleeves; a smile equal parts warm and mischievous playing on his lips.
With the zipper in place, you glanced at him then down to his very obvious problem beneath those denim jeans. “You gonna do something about”—Chenle’s eyes blew wide in alarm and stuck his hand in his pants—“yeah, okay,” you mumbled.
His smile widened into something annoying and you quickly pushed him towards the kitchen sink, a silent command to wash his hands once Beomgyu walked right into the kitchen, surprised that you were here. Daegal trotted closely behind, her tail wagging happily as you bent down to pick her up.
“We’re going to get groceries after some noodles,” Chenle answered the silent question for you while pouring water into the pot. “Want some?”
“I’m starving,” Beomgyu groaned. “I’ll eat anything.”
“Hope you’re excited for Shin ramyeon and crab balls, then.”
Over Beomgyu’s shoulder, Chenle winked at you and you nuzzled into Daegal’s fur, hiding your smile.
In the end, after letting Beomgyu devour most of your noodles, Chenle did take you out for another H Mart run.
“Are the two carts necessary?”
You didn’t think so. One full cart was pushing it, but two? For a second, you feared he might just buy out the whole store if you dared him. Then again, Chenle wasn’t familiar with the concept of limiting oneself and it seemed like it applied to you too. Well, in a way where he showed you it was okay to want things. That it was okay to ask him for things.
Because it’s Chenle who did most of the shopping. Fresh produce, different kinds of meat that didn’t need to be cooked in complicated ways for it to come out edible—namely the humble samgyeopsal. Quick, easy and absolutely delicious—he glossed over most of the condiments seeing you still had them at home, then he absolutely went insane when it came to the snacks, ice cream and, of course, packets of instant noodles.
Chenle had another pack of a different variant in his hands, tossed it into the snack-filled cart he was pushing around.
“You’re really playing into the sugar daddy thing,” you said as you mentally calculated the amount of debt you were in now with the addition of groceries that could last you and the girls the whole month.
“Better than you starving,” he said cheerfully, grabbing a dozen of Buldak Carbonara noodles and dumping them into the cart like a dad finding out their kid’s favorite snack. “Wouldn’t want you living off of shin ramyeon and crab balls.”
You scowled. “It wasn’t that funny.”
Chenle laughed and laughed and laughed anyway because your failed seduction plan was that hilarious if he was still making jokes about two-person groceries.
The drive home was quiet. Peaceful. Less awkward than you had initially expected when the soulful drone of music filled in the spaces with you sat in the passenger’s seat, reaching over to feed Chenle the Pepero you elected on sharing. When it all ran out, you relaxed in your seat and just… watched.
Watched your best friend in his element with his hand on the wheel while the other patted his thigh along the beat of the current song. He looked good. Unfairly so. With the lights glinting off the watch that likely made up your yearly university tuition and the high points of his face, the ruffled look of his hair and the way his jaw flexed every time he sang along the melody.
All this filled you with the urge to kiss him. Reach over and plant one on him and the thought still lingered even as you drove past the house’s gates opened with an app on your phone.
As Chenle helped put away the groceries while you pretended not to notice the leering from the peanut gallery.
As he helped himself to a Melona while keeping up with the verbal spat between him and Yizhuo munching on something yoghurt and blueberry flavoured.
It was all you could think about as you saw him out the door, and if you couldn’t help yourself and acted on it—a quick peck to the corner of Chenle’s plush mouth as thanks—leaving a sheen of your lipgloss, then that was between you, God and the security camera angled to where you stood.
Yizhuo wouldn’t notice if you deleted a few seconds of footage anyway.
Late into the night and you could still feel it. Feel him—the ghost of his kiss, his touch as everything that had transpired in the afternoon played on loop in your head.
You couldn’t sleep. Not when your mind was chanting Chenle Chenle Chenle like a mantra set to summon him. Like an itch you couldn’t get rid off no matter how hard you scratched.
If only���
That night, you decided to get well acquainted with Pinky, fishing her out deep within your drawer.
Mornings like this were rare, where all of you were awake at the same time. Even rarer that you were all up before ten, quiet. Relaxed.
No sense of urgency found on anyone’s person. No school, no jobs to clock into, no not-so-secret meetings—none of you girls had anything of priority today.
There was breakfast, arguably the most important meal of the day, though it seemed Minjeong and Yizhuo weren’t exactly in a rush demanding their eggs be cooked just the way they liked. Just fine with nursing a steaming cup of whatever energized them for the day ahead as they sat at the island counter.
Your phone chimed in the middle of cooking Yizhuo’s scrambled eggs. A text from Chenle—a sent photo to be specific and—
You screamed, nearly dropping the spatula.
fine shyt: [IMG_6969]
You: WWHAT THEBFUCJ
fine shyt: got your tickets 🤓
You: YEA I SEE THAT???????????
When you screen faded into Chenle’s caller ID, a photo of him holding up Daegal, Minjeong immediately took over the cooking as you rushed towards the living area.
“You got the tickets,” you said as you accepted the request to FaceTime, half in wonder and in disbelief that he was able to nab tickets in less than twenty-four hours and a day before the concert. You really should stop doubting Chenle and his ability (see: privilege) to get whatever, whenever. “Not that I doubted you, but the first night usually sells out quick—so how the hell.”
“You underestimate how far money can get you,” Chenle laughed. He looked sleep-ruffled, like he had just woken up. This was his cutest state yet and you really wished you were with him right now. “Think you’re ready to find out?”
“As I’ll ever be.” As long as he held your hand through it, sure. What the hell. You could survive future heart attacks caused by six figures by sheer will alone, you thought. “I asked for three tickets though. Who's the fourth one for?”
“Me,” he answered, beaming. “Someone has to drive you girls.”
“What? I mean—thanks.” That was one less thing to worry about then. “But since when do you listen to Sabrina?”
“Since last night. Still at it, by the way.” he clarified, a little too happy and if you listened closely, you could make out Sabrina’s crooning of Read your Mind on his end. “An enlightening experience, I might say.”
“Good luck on memorizing twenty-one songs then.”
“Oh, Princess. I released an album when I was eight. Memorizing the setlist is light work. Bet I could sing louder than you.”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll grill you on the album thing next time because what the fuck.” The ‘Princess’ thing you elected to ignore, too early and dire to suffer an aneurysm when a concert was waiting for you.
“I’ve lived quite the life,” he mused (“oh I’m sure.”) combing his fingers through his hair. “So what do we say?”
You scoffed, fond and grateful for his generosity whether you were deserving or not. “Thank you.”
“Thank you what, baby?”
Your face twisted in horror, quickly clocking what he was trying to get you to do. “Bye Chenle.”
He was cackling when you hung up, your face on fire, yet you didn’t put in any effort to tamper the giddy grin threatening to split your face.
The tickets were yours. Chenle got the tickets and they were yours. Gosh, this was probably the best morning in your life so far and nothing could dampen your mood from doing your girls proud.
“Now do you believe us when we say you’re Chenle’s favorite?” Yizhuo asked with a mouthful of scrambled egg.
You laughed, cheeks aching from how hard you cheesed at a simple fact. “I’m starting to.”
And selfish as it sounded, you hoped that it would remain that way for a long time because you couldn’t remember a life so dull when Chenle walked in with colors so bright that it sung, and because he was your favorite, too.
a/n: waow you've reached the end! Here, have a cookie 🍪 as always, thank you soo so much for reading until the end! I'd like to thank the girls: Aria, Moon and Aeriel for letting me talk my shit about this fic and help with ideas! and yes, brainstorming with them is an almost daily occurrence and it's great mental exercise imo lol! I hope you had fun reading the chaos that was this fic. I know I had fun laughing to myself writing all this 😆 and please please please let me know your thoughts! Likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated <3
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#zhong chenle x reader#chenle x reader#nct dream x reader#nct x reader#zhong chenle fluff#chenle fluff#zhong chenle one shot#chenle one shot
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GQuuuuuux
Now that I’ve slept on it and had time to digest, I’ve come to the overall conclusion that I liked GQ but it is riddled with issues.
First off; the good:
- I genuinely loved the mecha design. I loved the Zeon redesigns and I loved the GQuuuuuux design, EVA homages and all. Shout out to the Gyan, the Dom and the Gelgoog.
- Haro! Despite the show setting him up to be more than he ended up being; still Best Haro.
- Shiiko Sugai! ❤️❤️❤️ Best Character. I wish we had seen more of her, or more characters like her.
- Battle Scenes! So good! All of the ClanBats were fantastic, the NotTitans attack on Side 6 was one of the highlights of the show, and can we give GQ props for making the BrawBro Kikeroga actually look cool and dangerous? Nice.
- Amate! Our little danger tomato. Our little rage gremlin. Said it before, will say it again; it is SO refreshing to have a Gundam protagonist who actually emotes and has a wide range of facial expressions. Decent character development too.
- Challia Bull! I liked the redesign, I liked that we got to explore this character who only appears once in the original MSG, but has a much larger and in-depth role in both the original novel and The Origin manga. A fascinating character.
- Music! OP and ED are bops and the call-backs to the original MSG, Zeta and Char’s Counterattack are well placed and hit exactly how you want them to.

- Psycho Gundam. I keep thinking about her.
- The Sodon crew. I wish we could have spent more time with them, and more time on the ship. I would have been interested to get to know them better.
- The Sodon itself! A great take on a classic. Loved every scene she was in; especially the imposing scenes of her above the city.
- Conch! Little robo Crab. No Notes.
Now, The Bad:
- pacing, obviously. Tried to fit too much into too short a run time. I’ve ranted about this before, so I’ll leave it at that for now.
- Nyann. Sorry folks, whilst she honestly had some of the best scenes in the series, she ended up feeling a little flat. Despite appearing to be one of the strongest Newtypes in the show, we never get to fully explore her potential. I wish we could have explored what being a Diablo was and seen more of the GFred and the secrets of its Kappa Psycommu. A lot of missed opportunity there.
- The Pomeranians. Again, lots of missed opportunity. Too many unanswered questions about Annqi. They kinda feel like the Sky Pirates from Laputa: Castle in the Sky, only with a tenth of the charisma and about half the plot relevance.

=

??
- Comoli. *pokes with stick*
- Deux. Completely wasted character.
- NotTitans. Another concept never properly explained or explored.

- GUNTANK! How do you make a redesign this Peak and then never feature it?! It appears for maybe 2 seconds the entire show!
I’ll be honest, most of my gripes come from the incredibly short run-time. The show relies on foreknowledge of the U.C. way too much, and even with that it still feels way too rushed. The best episodes are the 1st and 4th, and they never lean into the world that was created there.
I can see how folk whose first Gundam was TwfM would be super turned-off by GQ, not even to mention newcomers to the franchise. It’s a very dense, convoluted plot that speeds by too fast. If you need a bible’s worth of lore before going into the show then you’ve failed as a piece of media.
The series leaves plenty of unanswered questions too: who is Shuji? What is the Endymion system? (Wasn’t Mu La Flaga the Hawk of Endymion?) What is the Quuuuux’s real name? What are Diablo? Why does that Haro appear to know so much?
The symbolism of the GQuuuuuux beheading the specter of the OG Gundam that looms over everything is a little heavy handed, but could possibly be poignant for the franchise going forward (apart from all the projects already announced). The series seems to be a call to action, for us to abandon the chains (Gundam) that bind us and to experience the freedom to explore the possibilities of creation without being weighed down by Gundam’s gravity. This has been Tomino’s message since the Turn (A) of the century; and shows like IBO and TWfM seem to be trying to do that but by leveraging the Gundam name they are opening themselves up to criticism and comparison by and of the Fandom to other Gundam shows and can never truly express themselves as their absolute self. In the meantime Bandai and Sunrise keep catering to the U.C. stans with shows like Hathaway and RfV which sometimes hit but oftentimes miss, and Gundam becomes this multi-faceted thing that tries to be so much to so many that its core gets lost in the Kira-Kira.
In conclusion; I liked it. I enjoyed the show, I liked what it had to say and the way that it said it. But the show is plagued by a way too short run time, with pacing issues that don’t allow us to explore the characters and the world and relies too heavily on nostalgia and Lore-Knowledge.
I still think I’m gonna go rewatch ZZ next. Or maybe rewatch Tomino’s vaulted multi-versal tale (Turn A) for the nth time.
Cuz that’s the thing about Gundam. There’s a lot of it. And if there’s one that you really like, you can just go watch it again.
#gundam#mobile suit gundam gquuuuuux#mobile suit gundam#gundam gquuuuuux#gquuuuuux#machu#nyann#challia bull#mecha anime
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Adding on to that, even if Charles wasn’t doing the things that he was accused of, nobody would be able to believe him.
He has the ability to manipulate a person’s thoughts and their perceptions of him. He can also infiltrate a person’s mind without that person ever knowing that he was there.
So, even if he told Erik the truth, Erik couldn’t believe him even if he wanted to. Even if Charles showed him the depths of his mind, there’s the very real possibility that it could be a lie. An altered perception.
Because telepathy can be so intrusive, Erik wouldn’t know what the truth really is. He would have to rely on his faith in Charles to tell him that.
And Charles knows this.
He knows that Erik can never really trust him. He has the ability to change a person’s perception of reality. So the “truth” could simply be a person’s altered perception of events.
Even if he did do something nefarious, he would have the ability to strip the truth from people’s minds without them ever knowing he was in their minds in the first place.
And he’s powerful.
And even if he hadn’t done the things that he was accused of, he likely still would have used his telepathy for very small things in-universe. Whether it’s simply changing a person’s opinion or “nudging” them in a slightly different direction.
The only thing that stops Charles from using his telepathy to manipulate people is his ethics. He knows that it’s wrong on a moral and ethical level, and as a character, he always wants to do the right thing.
But even within the X-Men universe, even if he acknowledged that using his telepathy in an intrusive manner went against a person’s boundaries, he still uses it for small things.
Examples of this include freezing people in a room, giving them a slight nudge to do something, or simply reading their mind to know what drink they like at a bar.
It’s intrusive whether the action is small or not.
So, how do telepaths use their gifts in the first place?
Possibly, they could only use it on people who know about their power, and they should always ask for their consent.
Just as partners ask for consent during sex, you could say that it’s the same with telepaths. Of course, telepathy is not an inherently intimate thing.
But it is intrusive.
The problem is Charles keeping himself accountable.
There is the very real possibility that he could still be altering the events in that person’s mind, “nudging” them into saying yes.
Manipulating them.
The version of Charles Xavier in the films would most likely not do those things, but a character in-universe might not know that.
So, how do you know that a telepath isn’t manipulating you?
The person in question, Erik, would need to rely on his faith in Charles in he’s doing the right thing, that he would never violate his boundaries. That he wouldn’t manipulate him.
To gain a person’s trust while not crossing any ethical boundaries, Charles, much like many other telepaths, would have to hold himself accountable and makes sure he has consent before invading a person’s mind. Because after all, consent is key.
Back to the topic at hand, if Charles and Erik were spies or in the political world, everything would be much more complicated.
The government wouldn’t be able to know if Charles is using his telepathy to manipulate people because of how Charles can alter people’s perception of reality.
And regardless of whether he was doing that or not, the government would still be intensely paranoid of him. They would still likely go after him.
And Erik would have to make a choice.
Charles knows that there’s no true way he could prove his innocence, even if he were to show the truth via his telepathy. How can anyone trust if that’s the truth or not if the truth has the possibility of being manipulated?
His innocence could very well be manipulated and no one would know.
There’s no way for him to be believed.
But what’s more terrifying? The possibility of your reality being altered without you ever knowing…or the possibility that your innocence could never truly be proven?
Thinking more about a Cherik spy au where one is accused of betraying their country, imagine Charles was accused. With his telepathy it could be that he erases peoples memories and gets them to do whatever he wants he could even be tampering with Erik's mind to get Erik off his trail while framing others . . . . .
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All my teachers lied when they told me uni would continue right where they left off
Uni started at elementary school level
#studying physics#admittedly#the profs have a strong pace and we caught up by the end of the first semester#at least in maths#Physics still takes a little while#and everything is as much in depth as possible
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Jerk Ford AU: From the Trenches
One night on the deck of the Stan O'War-II
Stan: Sure is a nice night, huh Poindexter?
Stanford: I buried myself once.
Stan: —...
Stanford: Another version of me. He was already long dead when his distress signal pinged me, and I buried him after looting his corpse. *Thousand yard stare*
Stan: Stanford—
Stanford: And I kept thinking; is that going to be me?
Stan: Stanford—
Stanford: *crying* Am I going to die out here? Am I never going to get home and get buried in some random dimension where no one I know or love is—?
Stan: Stanford! Hey, hey— look at me. You're here now. You made it home. You made it.
#Jerk Ford AU#Jerk Ford#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#stanley pines#stan pines#grunkle stan#gravity falls#au#gravity falls au#Jerk Ford is just as traumatized as any of his variants#but its easy to forget that because he's from a silly au that lacks depth#That mans therapist is making bank#Because Steve Jobs Old Man McGucket is the one funding everything to keep Jerk Ford away from the general population#Sea Grunks adventure is the Pines Brothers hunting anomalies while sailing the ocean#But the first year of it was mostly Jerk Ford having as much space as possible to process his trauma#Because in the middle of the ocean no one can watch you cry#This may seem similar to the first Twinstinct post but this is more about specific things that still bother him#Sea Grunks#Sea Grunks Era
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slowly I'm recovering the beauty of discovery
(creature by half•alive)
(textless + timelapse below cut)
#yellowart#subnautica#i feel like the timelapse is kinda long but also this did take a long time to make#anyways. let me yap about the meanings of all the panels <3#'i am creation' -> the ocean being the source of life and where shit evolved from also a good way to sort of 'set the scene' for subnautica#'both haunted' -> GHOST leviathan; in the BONE fields#'and holy' -> this one was a bit trickier. debated about using the emperor but i knew i wanted to use her elsewhere#also debated hoverfish because its cute and well liked so i thought that would be funny for 'and holy'#also something something jesus walking on water also makes it fitting. in the end though i decided on a peeper with the enzyme trail#and i *tried* to make it loop over its head like a halo but idk how well that imagery came through. still mentioned it in the alt text tho.#'made in glory' -> was REALLY torn about this one. on the one hand i wanted to have like a picture of the code because something something#divine machine and it being made out of code making it inherently holy or something; but i wasnt sure if that would be too#'immersion breaking' since most of the stuff in this is like in game stuff i wasnt sure if acknowledging that it was a game would be#too much. my other idea was to draw a couple of creature eggs like a stalker egg and a spadefish egg or something; but in the end i just#went with the one that i personally thought was cooler so if you think it does feel out of place uhhhh sorry i guess lmao.#also yes that is code from the game. idk shit about programming i just think code shit is cool so i poked though a modding tutorial til i#found what it is they use to look at that shit and started poking around. its pretty cool tbh. anyways the specific part i chose for the#drawing was something under the peepers; i think its the bit that tells the enzyme peepers to do the enzyme stuff like the trail obviously#but also some other stuff. not 100% sure though like i said idk shit about this sort of thing but everything in there seems pretty well#labeled its kinda impressive. and very helpful for navigating even if you dont know shit lol.#anyways. 'even the depths of the night cannot blind me' -> blood kelp trench is i think one of the darkest biomes in the game#possibly THE darkest so i thought it would be fitting. probably my least favorite panel though i dont think i did a very good job#representing the area or representing the bloodvines :/#'when you guide me' -> sea emperor but more specifically her messages to the player telling you to 'come here'#'creature only' -> not sure how well i can articulate this but basically the idea of humans beig animals with animal needs to eat and drink#and the idea of being a part of the ecosystem. modern life tends to make us forget that sort of thing but id imagine for ryley being on the#planet would violently remind him of this with things trying to eat him while he has to try to eat things as well. being part of the food#web. 'creature only' because he is only a creature not non-essential systems maintenance chief; but a creature living in an environment and#trying to survive. or something like that. does that make any fucking sense to anyone besides me? whatever.#anyways yapping over 👍
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I um. I may have accidentally sped ran creating a crack AU, and then a crackship to match. and now I actually really like the idea of said crackship
(it's Pure Vanilla and Pitaya Dragon, with a side of polyancients so it's not like. super far fetched but what the hell they were supposed to be the driving conflict in this AU why are they now flirting????)
#... the AU was a timeloop based among us AU by the way. specifcially based off alpharad's videos with the modded stuff#some specific AU ideas that inspired this:#1) PV getting imposter and Pitaya getting sheriff. Pitaya holding him at gunpoint; taunting about how he would've ended up here regardless#only for PV to bash their skull in with his staff. Pitaya now both wants to kill him and has a newfound admiration#(this is a couple weeks into the timeloop and they're both pissed about being separating from their friends and have been fighting for days#2)a silly lovers game where PV is altruist and Pitaya is jester; and PV resurrects an imposter willingly to get himself out of this shithol#right when Pitaya was at the perfect point to get voted out#3) talking about the other ancients between games and how much they miss them; only for Pitaya to accidentally compare PV to Hollyberry#which is basically a huge honor because Hollyberry is one of their closed relationships#4) a different lovers game; this time when they're both imposters. it's scary how well they worked together to get the win#5) PV getting sheriff; and for once. for *once*. trusts that Pitaya isn't the imposter this time. despite everything; he can't fully pull#the trigger. so he doesn't and crew wins because of it. because Pitaya was a guardian angel to the imposter#and they tell PV the other after their charge is voted out#crk au#crack au#crackship#crk crackship#cookie run kingdom#crk#pure vanilla crk#pitaya dragon crk#(and on top of that; why can I see them working weirdly well in just a general polyancients situation?#like. PV knowing that Pitaya isn't just a raging monster. Pitaya knowing that Hollyberry likes this strange cookie#they both have been greatly affected by WL and DE combined. they're both possible of more care and distrcution then they realize#PV used to look into dark moon magic. Surely Pitaya would find it interesting that the perfect student; the healer with no flaws; dabbled#in such dangers?#and PV looking at Pitaya; and seeing the kindness that seems inherent in their actions. they're big and they'll fight anything that moves#but they care about their home. about the cookies they choose to associate with. about snapdragon and hollyberry and maybe. *maybe*.#deep down in the farthest depths of their heart; the other dragons)
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…apologies to everyone this mermay, I am going to get straight up annoying
#my creative drive has been fucling through the roof post graduation#im frantixally churning out everything possible before getting employed again#depths’ talks#mostly saying this bc I KNOW I’m gonna be sending too much stuff to all my discords sndhsbfjfn
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I don't usually find myself thinking this so I'm trying to enjoy it while I can but I think I'm actually Mr. Puzzles type?
Like, he's a guy that loves media so much he BECAME media
I'm a guy that loves analysing and obsessing over the media and it's characters
We r holding hands <333
#cecil says#it is a day wherein i love Puzzles on main apparently#🥰🥰🥰🥰#i miss my wiiiifw#he gets SO excited when ilI get a new f/#f/o or blorbo cause that means imma go insane about the media#which leads to fun and in depth discussions!!#taking apart the how and why of a guy#talking plot and romance and backgrounds#everything!!#and with his background in theater and seeing as much television as possible he ALWAYS has fun facts to give me!!#loys of random trivia and influences thst i oyherwuse wouldn't know about!!#it's a cycle shaped like a circle#<3333#RRRR I LOVE MR PUZZLES SO MUCH#Puzzles#if you're out there#i am kissing yoooou about itttt
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a glitch in time changed my brain chemistry i will never be the same

#danny phantom a glitch in time#spoilers ahead🫡#i annoyed me SO MUCH when fandom made dan just focused on danny and forgot vald was also a part of him#so glad the comic reminded everyone about this#teared up at the scene with danny deciding he's gonna be the bridge between worlds go babyboy GO#when clockwork showed danny the 2 options i started laughing my ass off#honestly i love how much more depth thus comic added to everything#up till now most of the things that happened were just hc#i also love that dannys life will be a lot harder#yas make him suffer#theres a completely new dynamic in amity rn and im so not gonna be normal about it#imagine giw being competent in this timeline or other rivaling unknown hunters coming in#like i know it was already explored in the fandom but now its a real possibility to happen in canon too#ALSO ALSO valerie remembering everything......... and val in general tbh#“i always knew you were a monster”#SO MANY THINGS TO UNPACK HERE AAAAAAAAA#she sees danny more as phantom than fenton and its so NEW and refreshing my god#btw big fan of vlad and dan ending#you could say both got what they wanted :3#i loved vald in this in general#the pathetic old man bullied by a bunch of children#and FUCK phantom planet
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the brief mention that 1.3 leonard could still be feeling some deep lingering grief over his brothers' deaths still never fails to fascinate me tbh like, does he think of the standards he must have lost since their passing and feel guilt? or does he see them in every child he abuses??? does he keep his grief to himself or does he find it a useful anecdote to what must be a countless number of families dealing with loss??? does the green dragon know? does he confide in it????? since leonard seems to be aware of what arioch lost to the union, just how aware is/was she in what HE lost???????? did they have a role in each other's loss? is THAT where their beef came from??????? im going to merge into a wall
#gu6chan's musings#drakengard#drag on dragoon#leonard drakengard#drag on dragoon 1.3#drakengard 1.3#on the other hand; i've been obsessed over the idea of doing the 'nothing in life matters 😔' (DOD1) 'nothing in life matters 😎' (DOD1.3)#meme with them because of this#still... why would they give us the base concepts for the 1.3 cast but literally none of the depth for 98% of them (angelus is excused lmao#like you're going to make them edgier okay BUT THESE ARE STILL THE SAME PEOPLE???? WHAT PUSHED THEM TO THAT BC IT CAN'T JUST BE A 'DIFFEREN#TIMELINE DIFFERENT PERSONALITY' THING OTHERWISE YOU LOSE ANY SENSE OF “self” THEY HAD IN THEIR CHOICES IN THE DOD1 TIMELINE ENTIRELY#there HAS to be SOMETHING that made them like this... well caim we pretty much see it#BUT LEONARD AND FURIAE?????? i still stand by it; they fucking took the dragon-blood pill too i just KNOW they did#but that still doesnt answer what the fuck went on with him and arioch#the boring but most STRAIGHTFORWARD answer would probably be something among the lines of#'Oh well she came to the village and he had to drive her out after realising she was literally insane and she's been waiting to get back in#ever since. leonard just kinda knew about the dead relatives bc thats everyone'#but i dont like that explanation as much as the idea that they KNEW because they had some INVOLVEMENT when it happened#(likely unintentional.... maybe? 👀)#also why the fuck does the prologue just casually mention leonard was part of the union but literally never brings up why he's midgard's#most wanted by the time the truly diseased takes place and what led him to (presumably) abandoning it to begin with#....WAS IT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE DEATH OF ARIOCH'S FAMILY???? HUH??????#ngl im entering conspiracy mode with this but being honest#it almost seems in character and MAKES SENSE that him having something to do with the death of/possible killing of arioch's family would#drive him to where he is by the time TTD takes place#think about it!!! leonard joins the union; ends up driving a woman to literal insanity after involving himself with the death of her family#the guilt causes him to leave the union and seek a life of atonement helping OTHER families whose lives were torn apart by the war/union;#his brothers are possibly killed during his defection??? maybe??? something something#arioch seeks his ass out and spends her time waiting to feed on the village/semi-subconsciously maybe waiting to ruin everything he's worke#for....
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...
#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
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ok briefly coming back from my tumblr break bc y'know Arcane s2 and uhhhhh... hm. Look, I'm sorry, I really wanted to like this season, but oh man I'm kinda having a rough time with it ngl
#I don't wanna say I straight up don't like this season just yet#obv I'll reserve my judgement for when act 3 releases#but so far the writing feels... off to me#the best way i can describe it is that a lot is happening but it doesn't necessarily feel that way#bc none of it is handled with the same depth that everything in s1 had?#i think theyre trying to do too much with too little time tbh#like s1 had time for characters to breathe and reflect about their positions#i have some other issues but I think a lot of it is personal preference idk#if i end up not liking s2 at all i will still love s1 as it's own contained story#even though there are some things in s2 that recontextualise s1 in a way that's gonna bother me tbh#those are among the things that made me go like ???????????#still love the animation and music but oh man the plot is just not doing it for me this time around#sry for the ramble and possible typos i should go to sleep but this show fucked me up so im just trying to organize my thoughts on it#hope im not being unfair to the show. im just not vibing with it rn and a bit bummed out about that#arcane spoilers#tried to be vague but just in case
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I know people mean well and this is something I don't blame them for but I am getting so tired of hearing that Oh, your struggles make you special! Thinking differently means you'll change the world! Like maybe I don't want to be some miraculous idolised Other any more than I would want to be some demonised freak to you all maybe I just want actually understood
#Bleu.txt#It's just been weighing on my mind lately </3#IDK I'm very poetic and dramatic about things by nature I feel so I kind of make it hard for myself I guess but like the things I do#The things I draw and write et cetera#I want to be such a poet and so many poets are viewed as mysterious and unreachable historically speaking. I suppose#I don't want to be unreachable I want to be accessible and I want everyone to understand it#But unfortunately understanding is never something you can just Give somebody. It's a meeting half way and it is simply not always possible#Again it's something I've come to terms with and I never blame people for simply acting as their life experiences allow them to#But I end up feeling very isolated even speaking face to face with so many people#There is a great irony in it. Everything I do is as in depth and detailed as it is because of seeking that perfect understanding#But it just gets harder to connect with literally any audience. Or at least that's how I feel#Most people skim over it#Because it's too much and it's boring or it's pretentious to them which is never what I wanted#This isn't just about poetry though. That's just the way I feel I can express myself most authentically#Words are my personal talent so it's just what I do#Anyway. Ramble over#These tags are so unrelated anyway dfhgjdfnjhk
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I’m so sorry if you’re a tea person, but I fucking can’t stand tea people. Everybody’s like oh try chrysanthemum tea! It helps with anxiety and helps you focus and it tastes sweet and buttery without anything in it! It doesn’t make you sleepy like chamomile and it tastes better too! No it fucking doesn’t. It tastes like I put dried flowers in hot water. It tastes like the couch at grandma’s house. It tastes like I went outside and ripped up a bunch of daisies with my bare hands and shoved them directly into my mouth. Sugar, honey, and lemon do nothing to make it taste less like a bottle of febreze. Ice makes it tolerable, but it’s still just cold, oversweet old lady perfume. Does it make me less anxious? Sure, I guess. Might be power of suggestion, might be ancient Chinese magic, I don’t fucking know. But don’t lie and say it tastes buttery and sweet and delicious without added sweeteners when it tastes exactly like every other fucking flower tea but worse cuz it’s just mild enough that I can still taste the tap water underneath it
#she speaks#next time I’ll put cranberry juice in it or whatever#everything tastes better with cranberry#like it is really really mild and that’s actually worse because like I said I can taste my tap water but with a floral aftertaste#as for whether or not it helps with focus… I mean I’m writing this post instead of working so yeah idk 🤷🏼♀️#and I just wanna go on record and say I generally like herbal tea#and ginger tea is my fucking jam man#I believe in folk medicine just as much as I do modern medicine because there’s some real science behind it#people didn’t just drink this shit for no reason#certainly not because it tastes good in some instances#so I’m not trashing the value of herbal tea in regard to health and wellness#I’m trashing the fucking purple prose descriptions hardcore tea people use to describe fucking hot flower water#it tastes like flowers#there’s no depth it’s just flowers#AND YES I KNOW HOW TO BREW A GOOD CUP OF TEA THANK YOU#and NO I’m not using big box tea bags#it’s loose leaf from China goddammit shits quality it just tastes like what it is#and I know I shouldn’t use tap water but I try to be as green as possible and I don’t hate how it tastes#but with the floral aftertaste it’s just not good#maybe I’ll try it with distilled water fucking whatever#and cranberry#of course
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we've found it folks: mcmansion heaven
Hello everyone. It is my pleasure to bring you the greatest house I have ever seen. The house of a true visionary. A real ad-hocist. A genuine pioneer of fenestration. This house is in Alabama. It was built in 1980 and costs around $5 million. It is worth every penny. Perhaps more.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Come on, Kate, that's a little kooky, but certainly it's not McMansion Heaven. This is very much a house in the earthly realm. Purgatory. McMansion Purgatory." Well, let me now play Beatrice to your Dante, young Pilgrim. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome.
It is rare to find a house that has everything. A house that wills itself into Postmodernism yet remains unable to let go of the kookiest moments of the prior zeitgeist, the Bruce Goffs and Earthships, the commune houses built from car windshields, the seventies moments of psychedelic hippie fracture. It is everything. It has everything. It is theme park, it is High Tech. It is Renaissance (in the San Antonio Riverwalk sense of the word.) It is medieval. It is maybe the greatest pastiche to sucker itself to the side of a mountain, perilously overlooking a large body of water. Look at it. Just look.
The inside is white. This makes it dreamlike, almost benevolent. It is bright because this is McMansion Heaven and Gray is for McMansion Hell. There is an overbearing sheen of 80s optimism. In this house, the credit default swap has not yet been invented, but could be.
It takes a lot for me to drop the cocaine word because I think it's a cheap joke. But there's something about this example that makes it plausible, not in a derogatory way, but in a liberatory one, a sensuous one. Someone created this house to have a particular experience, a particular feeling. It possesses an element of true fantasy, the thematic. Its rooms are not meant to be one cohesive composition, but rather a series of scenes, of vastly different spatial moments, compressed, expanded, bright, close.
And then there's this kitchen for some reason. Or so you think. Everything the interior design tries to hide, namely how unceasingly peculiar the house is, it is not entirely able to because the choices made here remain decadent, indulgent, albeit in a more familiar way.
Rare is it to discover an interior wherein one truly must wear sunglasses. The environment created in service to transparency has to somewhat prevent the elements from penetrating too deep while retaining their desirable qualities. I don't think an architect designed this house. An architect would have had access to specifically engineered products for this purpose. Whoever built this house had certain access to architectural catalogues but not those used in the highest end or most structurally complex projects. The customization here lies in the assemblage of materials and in doing so stretches them to the height of their imaginative capacity. To borrow from Charles Jencks, ad-hoc is a perfect description. It is an architecture of availability and of adventure.
A small interlude. We are outside. There is no rear exterior view of this house because it would be impossible to get one from the scrawny lawn that lies at its depths. This space is intended to serve the same purpose, which is to look upon the house itself as much as gaze from the house to the world beyond.
Living in a city, I often think about exhibitionism. Living in a city is inherently exhibitionist. A house is a permeable visible surface; it is entirely possible that someone will catch a glimpse of me they're not supposed to when I rush to the living room in only a t-shirt to turn out the light before bed. But this is a space that is only exhibitionist in the sense that it is an architecture of exposure, and yet this exposure would not be possible without the protection of the site, of the distance from every other pair of eyes. In this respect, a double freedom is secured. The window intimates the potential of seeing. But no one sees.
At the heart of this house lies a strange mix of concepts. Postmodern classicist columns of the Disney World set. The unpolished edge of the vernacular. There is also an organicist bent to the whole thing, something more Goff than Gaudí, and here we see some of the house's most organic forms, the monolith- or shell-like vanity mixed with the luminous artifice of mirrors and white. A backlit cave, primitive and performative at the same time, which is, in essence, the dialectic of the luxury bathroom.
And yet our McMansion Heaven is still a McMansion. It is still an accumulation of deliberate signifiers of wealth, very much a construction with the secondary purpose of invoking envy, a palatial residence designed without much cohesion. The presence of golf, of wood, of masculine and patriarchal symbolism with an undercurrent of luxury drives that point home. The McMansion can aspire to an art form, but there are still many levels to ascend before one gets to where God's sitting.
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