#and in a more platonic direction
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I’ve begun to realize that my favorite character dynamic is “absolutely insane about each other and their mutual best friend/in a qpr with”
#Lois x Clark with Jimmy just always there#or any version of the trinity of Diana x Bruce x Clark#I have a soft spot for Bakugo x Deku with Todoroki always there to the point people assume he’s their 3rd#they’re not wrong but they’re not right either#even with Danny phantom#and the ever lasting trio dynamic#with they way they had it in canon but my personal favorite flavor of Tucker x Sam with Danny in a qpr#it even goes in Scott Pilgrim with Scott x Romona and Wallace also#I love a cute Diana x Clark with Bruce being they’re ace romantic/qpr partner#But also Clark x Bruce with them going on a very romantic date but then half way through they’re both like man I sure miss Wonder Woman rn#or even Bruce x Diana walking in a moon lit garden looking into each others eyes and then Superman showing up#looking like absolute hell and just being like do you guys wanna get milk shakes with me 🥺#and both of them being like well shit we have to go get milkshakes with him#the idea of telling him no doesn’t even cross their minds#and in a more platonic direction#ZADF with Zim seeing Gaz and being like YOUR sister Dib-thing WRONG she is OUR sister#they’re more but these are the few right off the top of my head#my rambles
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Love the flavor of soulmates that is a main m/f partnership dynamic that's mostly platonic but also romantic but also dysfunctional and yet completely essential - like these characters would not work without each other, but they barely work with each other, and most importantly they know each other carnally better than anyone else, but it's also not about sex at all it's about the partnership and navigating the highs and lows of intimacy and letting someone in, but also maybe they do fuck, but also maybe don't, but also...
#mythic quest#the bear#ted lasso#grimpop#sydcarmy#tedbecca#add more in the tags if you got them i can't remember any more rn#but either way this has definitely been a trend and i love it#and in every case i tend to just be on board and not swing in either direction#if they're best friends amazing and if they're a couple fantastic#as long as it's a well written dynamic i love to see it#my posts#this also goes for same sex partnerships of course but there it's a bit trickier#bc there's almost always the historic queerbaiting added layer and it's hard to not just ship them anyways#but like sam/frodo is like this for me too or enid/wednesday -#great if platonic great if romantic but they're soulmates either way and that's what matters#also this isn't every ambiguous relationship sometimes it is possible to decide#like gelphie are obviously in love and hawkeye/black widow are obviously platonic soulmates#and sometimes a couple can start off like this and get romantic (like eleanor/chidi) or platonic (like stevie/david) later#but it's the nuances and the good writing and the variety for me#we can have romantic soulmates and platonic ones and both#and i love talking about the intricacies of this#but this post was mostly to appreciate these in particular#adding them to the list ->#frank langdon#mel king#the pitt
154 notes
·
View notes
Text
guys I literally started being more active on lesbian twitter so I can make more lesbian (specifically butch and femme) friends but BRO. WHY IS TWITTER SO STRESSFUL. it's been a week and a half and I feel like I've already seen 5-7 separate cases of stress-inducing beef
#one femme out here trying to flirt w taken butches under the guise of “platonic flirting”#all the stuff on fletcher#people hating on vi art that has trans tape LIKE ARE YOU CRAZY#so much shit being directed at a popular arcane account i feel so bad for them#the arcane fandom on twt is pure hellfire#like i thought it was intense here but on twitter it's worse by a tenfold#idk why twitter just feels like more drama is constantly happening there#maybe it's because you can't reserve your innermost thoughts to tags or very lowkey personal posts#whereas everything on twt spreads so fast and needs to be stated outright#s.text#coming back on tumblr feels like sanctuary LOL
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
ooc post
There are 2 people I really want to ask if they’d
but crippling anxiety won’t let us

#ooc post#this is directed#but like- two separate qpr’s#not one poly one#us is in terms of us#our system#Woo love anxiety#I want a qpr with them so bad#Cus I love them so much more than a friend#but also i do not like them romantically#it is so beyond what is normal it doesn’t exist in the bounds of “platonic” and “romantic” I just aurhfhhshd#Yeah#we spent way too much time making this shitpost
125 notes
·
View notes
Text
Crying on the floor bc there aren't any greed/ling hanahaki disease fics
#greed is THE emotionally constipated guy like how has this not happened yet#*greed coughing up flowers* wow humans sure are weird#*ling in the back of the mind as greed coughs up his favourite flower* oh for fucks sake#ling could never be the sick one bc he actually does shit instead of pining and lying to himself about it#bc its very hard to feel unreciprocated when you want the manifestation of wanting everything#and ling can read greed like a fucking colouring book that homunculus cant hide shit from him. he knows how greed feels about him#whether it be platonic romantic or other ling would get over it and just be happy to have greed (assuming post canon)#unless its like a “i love him i know he loves me but hes too stupid to realise it and im paying the price” situation#so yeah most of the time its a case of ling knows whats up and is trying to gently nudge greed in the right direction#all while greed doesnt understand whats happening to him and is trying to play it cool#OH yknow what could be fun: putting a lil twist on it. only homunculi get it but instead of simply flowers its literally their stone#inspired by that one 03 greed scene (you know the one)#every time they lose more and more life/energy until. yknow. and its not very known about bc homunculi dont rlly exist#but some alchemists would know (eds the only important one bc what other alchemist does greed know)#(butttt could be fun that hoenheim knows and when they meet him hes like “...thats an interesting cough”)#okay my brain is falling asleep so ill leave it there#greed the avaricious#fma greed#ling yao#fma ling#hanahaki#fmab#greed x ling#greedling#< i suppose. i mostly use that tag for the guy/possession situation not the ship but eh#moss' madness
25 notes
·
View notes
Text

2024 reads / storygraph
Asunder
slow-paced high fantasy
a woman who has a contract with an eldritch entity allowing her to see the dead & survives by taking various jobs
when a job searching for stranded smugglers in a cave goes wrong, she ends up with the soul of a dying stranger bound to her shadow
along with a scholar and her old childhood friend, they travel to his home country to find a way to unbind him and save them both
dark fantasy world with gods, demonic entities, arcane magic, and semi-sentient beasts used as transport
#asunder#kerstin hall#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#okay SUPER fascinating worldbuilding with some very visceral creatures and biological constructs and interesting magic systems.#many things I like. A great cast of characters. Honestly I could read tons more stories set in this world.#it’s very slow building and meandering narratively; focusing on the complex journey of the main character#didn’t love the audio narration tbh - it felt like some lines are read with the wrong emphasis or tone? but I got used to it after a while#So this has one of my absolute favourite tropes (bodysharing.) unfortunately it turns it into a romance which is. well.#it just doesn’t hit the same if you make it romantic!! so that kinda made it change traintracks from being on a direct line to#potentially 5 stars to a whole different station where i do not live. lol.#I SUPPOSE it’s a well developed relationship and I’d prefer romances more like that than instalove I guess.#I did love their dynamic; too; but suddenly realising it was romantic threw me for a loop. I had put him in the annoying dad category.#I do also feel like we didn’t get quite enough of him as an individual person and characterisation - which obviously makes sense to an#extent; but I felt like I only got to see more of him in the brief time around his father.#Also he was surprisingly chill and nice to her immediately considering he was essentially her hostage???#Anyway I did enjoy a lot of it; it just suffers the unfortunate tragedy of#[literally my favourite thing made for me] [turns that thing into literally my least favourite thing i hate]#but also -random dude you’re bound to being overly protective and considerate despite barely knowing you (platonic/familial vibe) - yeah!#random dude you’re bound to being overly protective and considerate despite barely knowing you (romantic) ehhhh…idk.....#(to me personally. i'm sure people enjoy that. whatever)
53 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mihawk-Brain-Eating-Syndrome has seized me.
The post that started this whole train of thought came from @manofbeskar who's Mihawk thoughts, Mishanks heartwrenchers, and absolutely gorgeous art are so inspiring I feel chewing-on-the-doorframe feral every time I check their blog.
Mihawk has a complicated relationship with vivre cards. Yet despite all efforts at keeping the world and everyone in it at Yoru length he still manages to keep collecting bits of them.
Not many nowadays, its a rather intimate affair after all; to have someone give you a literal piece of their life so that you may always find them no matter where in the wide seas you may be. Assuring that you'll be the first to know should they leave that world entirely.
Far too intimate. It feels too obvious, too heavy handed, too much like handing him your heart and asking him to carry it. Such a thing is heavier than any blade and all the bloody deeds he can never truly wipe from the steel.
Its gentle and vulnerable and human. All the things Mihawk is convinced he could play at but never truly be again. But... I imagine at the start of his journey, maybe he was a touch more open. Perhaps accepting his first from a mentor as a parting of ways though he didn't yet have one of his own to offer in return.
Strange how a simple piece of card in his palm could feel like an open door. Always there, inviting him home. Always there, until it wasn't.
Mihawk will never forget the first time he felt one burning away into nothing in his hands. It went up so quick.. He had no idea it could take less than a minute to burn a home.
Then perhaps he found a crew, a more tangible place to nest and he suddenly had more vivre cards than he could tuck away on his person in a timely manner. Perhaps it became a ritual of sorts each morning, a part of his routine to tuck each one away. The captain, vice captain, and the rest of the specialists lining the inner band of his hat while the rest of the crew were individually squirreled away. A meditation, grounding and quiet. He would use it to remind himself of his role as the crew's swordsman, as their protector.
How could he forget the sharp sear of each individual card burning away, stuck close to his skin by waterlogged clothing as he dragged himself ashore gasping and choking on sea and blood and smoke. Having been left by marines that assumed he would drown because- perhaps pointed out by one that had deceived him, made Mihawk believe they were his friend to be led back to his family:
"No freak like that could exist without having eaten the devil's fruit."
How could he forget the embers escaping, dancing in the evening gloam like fireflies swarming around him? There were so many.. now there are none and gods he's been so empty since. How could such a small piece of paper take so much of him? To kill a man with a blade, even butchering him inelegantly, would be a greater mercy so long as he was dead.
Nowadays Mihawk knows better. Knows better than to trust or be trusted. That blades might chip and tarnish but they dont burn, never completely.
Yoru hums and sings in his hands as he wields her and she does not feel like home.. but she feels solid and eternal and cold. She will never burn. Her weight is bearable.
Impersonal.
Professional.
Yoru makes death an art in his hands. She is the brush not the paper, spattering fireflies over a night sky.
. . .
For years after, he kept far from others. Deciding to never get so close to anyone ever again. Safe in the knowledge he would never feel the burning sting of loss nor the cold cut of betrayal so acutely. Trust was a double edged blade, perhaps the only one he truly couldn't handle.
He was no protector.. so he wouldn't try to be.
Instead Mihawk would hunt. Chasing the marines mercilessly. Cutting a bloody path through their ranks and burning their fucking fortresses to the ground. At first they spoke of him as an insane lone swordsman, then a one man army, then a monster, a demon. The relentless yellow eyed freak that stalked the seas and nightmares of future vice admirals.
He systematically killed all those that harmed him. A shadow over the shore, a rogue wave swallowing their ships, a curse of vengeance come to reap. He destroyed all the records of his crew that he could get his hands on. If he must be cursed to slowly forget them over time, then the world government didnt deserve their memory either.
And so on it went for a time. Long enough for the hunt to lose its luster. Slaughtering sheep by the herd in search of a rare wolf.
Mihawk had almost forcibly forgotten about Vivre cards as a concept. His own remained untouched, never moving from where he hid it. He had no friends, no family, no nakama. Only a dwindling list of worthy foes to test himself against.
Until the day the king of pirates died. Until their golden age truly began.
Until he met Shanks, who held out a hand and asked him to step out of the monochrome past and into a thousand possible vibrant futures. Ones of lush reds and glittering golds, of polished onyx black and the purest, deepest blue.
.
"Here," Shanks said suddenly one night, holding out a small scrap of paper. The both of them were perched atop the ruins of a high sea wall on some remote island, enjoying the cold breeze from the north after a hard fought duel.
Mihawk, for all his composure, blanched. "What is that?" He knew and he did not take it.
"What do you think it is? Its a piece of my card." He said it so simply. Like it barely occured to him how precious such a thing was. Shanks didn't drop his arm, even as the silence stretched out between them.
"No."
"Come on, Takanome- Dont be like that! We're nak--"
"Rivals." He cut the younger man off abruptly. His chest felt too hot and too tight, burning and burning and, "We are rivals, Akagami."
Shanks must've been pouting, he could hear it in his voice, "Even more reason for you to take it. We could duel every day if you could always find me~ Come on.. Please? I want you to have it."
"...."
Hawkeyes glanced at his best friend rival and immediately regretted it. Shank's face was always full of so much hope, so much faith in... something.. It made Mihawk's heart catch in his throat every time to see those big earnest eyes staring at him almost as if, for a moment, it was faith in him.
"I don't know if I can give you mine.." He murmured. Shanks smiled soft, a little sad, and infuriatingly understanding without needing to know anything.
"I dont need it. I know you'll always find me." He pressed his heart, his home the scrap into Mihawk's palm and closed the swordsman's fingers over it. "And if I need to find you.. I'll just ask the wind."
#dracule mihawk#Mishanks#Akataka#Listen. Im quite literally losing my mind.#This is hugely rushed and only briefly edited from the messy discord messages I feverishly wrote this morning#red haired shanks#Also like dont come for me ok? Be gentle. Im not arguing with anyone about theories of Mihawk's past#It honestly doesnt matter to me. I just like the various what ifs#I like picking characters apart and trying to puzzle out why they might be Like That#And god he fucking compels me. His relationship with Shanks COMPELS ME#This can also be taken however you like#Platonic Mishanks or not. Just know I see them as deeply disgustingly tragically yearningly in love.#I have more thoughts on him and vivre cards#Like whos he has now and who has his which is not a long list in either direction. But im not writing all that#Technically im at work lmao.#Anyway go check out manofbeskar their work haunts me#OP posting#Not putting that in the main tag lmao im insane not am idiot
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Today I am thinking about how hilariously and artfully FoF has continued to equivocate on the nature of ZYC's feelings towards WX
#i love that we are halfway through and it's technically still debatable#and how that allows for all the fun jealousy shenanigans and queer subtext and multi-directional shipping#“they're childhood sweethearts!” “platonic love is love too so we all have a connection”#“whether you're 24 or 42 I'll always be your aunt”#“y'all are like brother and sister” “does he think so?”#won't be surprised if they go the romantic route but mostly for meta reasons bc acting-wise it's coming off more platonic than MJTY#TJR absolutely knows how to yearn onscreen lmfao and at least so far all i'm getting is a deep respect/fondness/protectiveness for WX#and the added angst of “she's in love with someone I have to kill”#but yeah who knows how things will go in the second half but so far i really dig the subtlety and ambiguity#and especially how that frees us a little bit from the usual trappings of a textually straight love “triangle” with queer subtext#fangs of fortune
17 notes
·
View notes
Note
Send 👌 for Muse A to state if Muse B is aesthetically attractive or adorable (or not)
A is Theta and B is Ryotaro
@bone-pile-rp
[ Multimuse Grapevine Ask Prompt // Accepting! ]
"Damn, she's built! Not too often I get to see a gal as muscular as that! Can she deadlift me? Or maybe spar? I wanna see her fight!"
"Also, the hip windows are sexy as hell! Can she crush a watermelon between those thighs? Better yet--"
Seems like Theta was getting a bit ahead of himself. Realizing this, he took a moment to re-establish his composure.
"Ahem..."
"Yeah."
"She's attractive."
#codename: thanatos#asks#bone-pile-rp#(( congrats ryotaro you're one of the few people where out of all the f*ck/marry/fight options theta wants to do all three ))#(( probably leaning more in the platonic direction even if he got a little thirsty in his response ))#(( thanks for sending this in :D ))
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Midnight Headcannons for Hiveswap/Friendsim Characters (Part 1)
These may be very well liked, or very controversial idk. If you write a fic (unlikely but who knows) based on any of these then PLEASE lmk. Part 1 because some I may feel uninspired + I don't wanna do all of them in one post. Xefros Tritoh: THE BOY HIMSELF.
He is a semi closeted midwest emo (I mean look at him) and a fully closeted stereotypical emo aesthetic enjoyer.
Ever since he started the Grubbels with Dammek, he's actually gotten quite good at singing, and rapping. (this is based on the line that Dammek passive aggressively hinted that Xefros needed vocals practice, and If I were Xefros my insecure ass would start practicing REGULARLY.)
If he were not plagued by constant anxiety he would sleep a lot, and be a very sleepy person (Sloth lusus). Or rather he requires more sleep than the average troll, and when he gets it he's very energetic. Because of his training with Dammek to "sleep anywhere" this would result in him frequently falling alseep while standing if he didn't get his proper sleep.
I want him to kill Trizza with a baseball bat. Off with their heads and hit a home run. Preferably with a baseball bat covered in nails.
He's trans. That one's not from me I've heard it tho and it's cute as hell imo headcannon immediately accepted.
His crush is a tealblood "reporter" (hobbyist photographer and blogger) who wears rollerskates (manic pixie dream boy.) I say this purely because Idk what traits Idarat and Tegiri have over Tagora besides being more masc and having glasses. And they are both not rat men unlike Tagora (/aff). Anyway because of lack of information I say what I want.
Last one because I genuinely feel like this was in the game but I'm not. Certain. Anyway Xefros looks so generic that so long as he isn't wearing his sign it would be genuinely impossible for any drone to find him based on his face. Dammek:
He got most of the parts for the weapon off of trolls craiglist
he will either instantly obliterate Jude's sense of self and self worth and have to work up from there to realize he needs to be nicer or he'll lose his moirail (he already has) or he will be shockingly ok to Jude and just be closed off and he will have to work up to expressing affection normally instead of survivalist training.
he's a little robotics geek he will get his hands on a cell phone and fucking destroy it when he gets to earth./joking to early. He MAY destroy a tv. I think based on his building skills he would be fascinated by earth technology.
the cameras installed in Xefros' hive have lasers. Xefros does not know this.
He gets his fancy normal disks from mallek (I've also heard this from another person- I would credit but I can't find it at the moment) Mallek:
Has 13 piercings. (IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW)
he's either a part of the rebellion already, or will be soon enough
He actually knows a mutant which makes him being "cool with mutants" an even weirder more awkward thing to say
he bullies people on 4chan. The homestuck earth equivalent of 4chan. But still earth. he finds it informative and he likes giving their computers the types of bugs that will make them only play slitherio.
His strife specibus is a serrated curved dagger (snake fang like almost)
He has a snake tattoo on his right thigh.
He intends to get sleeve tattoos, he just hasn't perfected the design yet, or found someone he trusts to do it.
Hey you know that character who we've gotten like 1 concept art of. Yea Jerann him. They're boyfriends. Sorry I don't make the rules but he gets a fish nerd boyfriend.
He keeps oblong meat products in his house in case Diemen ever wants to crash.
He's going to give Xefros a piercing when Xefros becomes an emo boy /hj Joey: (I know she should've come first but she's not one of my favouritesss-)
Joey would lose her shit if she saw the barbie movie or Murdoch Mysteries
On a similar note, she would do barbenheimer for/with jude
She has a slight fear of clowns now (reasonable)
when she gets scared while on alternia, she looks up at the sky, and the stars, and thinks of her mom
I think that Joey and Marsti have an excellent opportunity to get along. A vet is just a doctor for a different species after all, and I'm sure just as Joey would be eager to learn Marsti would be eager to teach and get a bit flattered and someone respecting her aspirations and knowledge. Marsti:
Has the nickname Mars
If Marsti could dress up more she would go for a steampunk streamlined vibe.
In the route where Marsti ditches the player at Gahlek's house, she steals a book on her way out
Marsti survives the train crash floating in her bucket.
Marsti wanted to go to Jeevik week because she liked the challenge cleaning up after it might bring.
#Ok That's five but also five long ones so we're gonna move along and post this#hiveswap#hiveswap act 3#xefros tritoh#hiveswap xefros#tetrarch dammek#joey claire#hiveswap joey#hiveswap headcannons#mallek adalov#marsti houtek#there's some characters that I didn't include that I have a lot for#so look out for that#one more I think Joey would like Chappell Roan I think she would be awakened by it#Xefros would also like Chappell Roan he would cry listen to it while thinking about leaving dammek and then Joey would find him#and they they would just sit together and vibe and be actual healthy moirails#sorry damfros (?) fans reading the tags#and romantic Jofros (?) fans#platonic WLW x MLM is the best direction for them
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Things I wish Ezel's route explored:
Right now, Ezel is like s1!Laia, Laia is s1!Vlad. He is surrounded by people he loved in the past and he has no idea, while she holds the cards close to her chest
Maybe Laia has not told him who he is, who she is, and what happened because she can't bear the thought of him hurting with that knowledge. And maybe because she suspects Lale suffered the same fate and she can't cope, yet
Ezel and Laia could bond over dying young in their past life
Could have a cute scene of her telling him she took care of Güzellik for him
#honestly these would all work platonically too#my wish is that we could have had lale's death earlier so we could explore actually coming to terms with that#maybe it would help give laia some more direction too. give her something concrete to want/chase instead of having noe doing the plot#or have her grieving for herself in istanbul while we wait for mephis to show up. could be cool too#we could've had her deciding how she felt about her past life and about mehmed...#romance club#dracula a love story#dracula: a love story#rc hasan#hasan/ezel x mc#q
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
ngl i didn't mean for the jason cass twin au to be a pair but I've been sending so much jaycass dead dove shit that i can't complain. never even considered it, thanks op!
WELL happy accidents then khjggjhkjl. i love JayCass so dearly so i'm happy you liked the thought anyway. i think ti's also a really cool platonic concept as well! Jason and Cass as siblings is just something i'm always thinking about. i love them and i love the potential sm. i just think they should interact more DC let them be messy.
#necrotic answerings#jaycass#pft when I was answering I was like “is this shippy or not?”#and I shrugged and just guessed#it works both ways tho#platonically I love them as siblings sm#like children of shiva who ended up separated and have No Idea#there's such a tragedy to them not finding out until their lives have taken them in such different directions#and now they have irreconcilable differences#like how do they cope with it yk? how do they handle being strangers and siblings at the same time?#knowing they'll never agree?#it's good fucking shit to me#but them as twins is even more big brained.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text


2024 reads / storygraph
Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments & The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle
books 2 & 3 in the Edinburgh Nights series
paranormal mystery set in a climate-ravaged future Scotland, plagued by ghosts and magic
follows a 15yo Black girl who’s finally gotten an in to learn scientific magic properly - but it turns out to be an unpaid internship, so she has to take more jobs delivering ghost messages and investigating mysteries to take care of her gran and little sister
in book 2 she’s investigating a strange illness centred on a magic school for boys
and in book 3 she’s attending a global magician conference held in a creepy castle - when someone’s murdered, and they’re locked in until she figures out the culprit
Zimbabwean magic, friendship, disabled characters, no romance (so far)
#The Mystery at Dunvegan Castle#Our Lady Of Mysterious Ailments#Edinburgh Nights#T.L. Huchu#The Library of the Dead#really enjoy this series!#the worldbuilding is very interesting - kinda combo climate-ravaged future but also in some aspects societally it feels kinda 1800s#(especially with the vibe of the mystery/paranormal elements)#I saw that the author (who is from Zimbabwe) describe it as ‘if edinburgh was a third world city’ which actually makes a lot of sense#Also I have to make the wendell & wild x lockwood & co comp again#I felt like book 2 was a little all over the place? I slightly lost track of the other-realms stuff lol#I really loved book 3 though - definitely more direct plot-wise#I like how it explores her journey through learning that the magic society is just as corrupt and shitty as anything else and maybe she#doesn't want it after all. as well as how the stress of everything is getting to her is causing panic attacks#love the scottish accent in the audiobooks!#so many interesting different supernatural elements. yay for sidhe in book 3 (tho only briefly)#hold on. do the book covers reflect the colour of her locs. (ok not quite for book one which is usually blue but there is a green variant)#ok I did say no romance but also I can’t tell if I’m just imagining Something between ropa & priya bc in book 3……they had some moments.#I mean I enjoy them as platonic moments also but just noting here in case it DOES turn out to be intentional and something that happen??#also fair warning the promo for book four seems to spoil somehting that's not even in the blurb??#aroaessidhe 2024 reads
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#word vomit alert!!!!!#i love solo trips out bc i get to do whatever i like without having to make conversation with people but omg.......#this trip has evoked alarming levels of loneliness and melancholy for some reason#maybe it's got something to do with just seeing Too Many People at once... and seeing people live their lives and enjoy company#n then i see myself n while i see an independent carefree person who's at peace with herself there's also a tinge! of! melancholy n pining..#for companionship... for easy conversations... for connections!#i was also listening to Fourever while roaming around aimlessly and when Happy started playing i immediately teared up#i think i just have too many things on my mind djskfksmmdskkd i need to get back to journaling n meditating. too much anxious energy#also during dinner i sat next to a couple who seemed to be on their first date post dating app conversation. n it reminded me of my prev rs#dkfkfnmsfndnmdm i wouldn't call it ptsd bc they were good memories but personally i would most likely never use a dating app ever again.....#it's just too much pain having to talk through icebreakers n get to know each other with the topic of Dating already looming in the bg#n it's just a lot of Work for a first date you know??? anyway i'm tired of relationships. i would love organic platonic companionship tho#like i would love more friends. just not a Partner shdkfjdndndmd#but with that said !!!! it's sometimes lonely being single. but the thing is. there's no company that i'd prefer more than my own#i bring too much joy and peace to myself that i feel like it's almost impossible for anyone to meet those standards#it's very much like that tiktok where op said her app guy asked her who his competition was and she answered: Myself. your competition is me#and that was just the truest thing i've seen#also met an unkind worker at dinner. wasn't directed at me but the energy he gave off was just so Bad that it ruined my evening KDKDJSKDK#like . how can someone be so miserable n unkind n mean to the people around him??? as if they aren't deserving of respect... it boggles me#n so todays trip has been so . strange. i felt sad! witnessed unkindness! i felt a little lonely!#i unknowingly self-reflected a lot n probably spiralled into a rumination cycle! thought abt work n how it seemed like there was No Way Out#but !! it is what it is!!!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Well…if there’s one (1) good thing about having a crush, it’s that when I’m (for the moment anyway) not worrying about the other person’s boundaries and terror about whether I’ve stomped on them or not + my own frustration at how slow things are to just communicate verbally and directly instead of constantly dancing around nonverbal reads (that are two-way, I suppose but still no substitute, can still mean just about anything)…
…yeah. I do let myself be selfish. Acknowledge what I want instead of burying it so deeply away from my consciousness to not “take up space” I suppose. Finally give myself some damn permission to fall in love with another person “despite” being ace, and “despite” being chronically ill and struggling with my mental health.
And what is it I want?
To feel cared for. Cherished. By someone here. To wake up and have someone greet me with a gentle embrace mindful of the constant chronic pain especially in the mornings to not accidentally pinch things, but not treating me like glass, either. To be given autonomy instead of having it taken away—to do things together, FUN things, without being made to feel guilty about that “taking away” spoons from chores or “well why won’t you just work a job then!” but also respecting my need to rest periodically or take a longer rest after the fact.
To feel heard. To trust that there’s love enough for us to disagree and feel angry and frustrated and sad around eachother and with eachother without judgement, without the risk that things are forever one disagreement or misunderstanding away from falling apart completely or worse.
And please tease me. Teasing is a love language just as much as communication and encouragement and acts of service and finally being held. It’s verbal play, and I trust you to not bully me.
And…I’ve shown as much as I can, I think. I know you’re trying to mirror at least some of it. And I think I’m reading you correctly, but I wish I understood why you seem so terrified to talk directly to me.
#tiger’s musing#screw it. ‘don’t say i’m in love’ or whatever#and well. it will fade eventually. and I am very practiced at Behaving and keeping my feelings to myself#legit always have to do that the very few times I’m liked someone This Ain’t ‘Just’ Platonic Is It#because…guess what. the other person’s comfort and boundaries matters more to me#and friendships aren’t a ‘consolation prize.’ they’re the Good Shit#it’s…just that much harder when there isn’t that Direct Communication With Frequency for me#…bUT!! if he didn’t like me…why does he keep looking at me Like That?!#…right. hang in there for a few more weeks. I did hand over a script as..#…yeah. wonder if he realized /he’s/ the reason I finally found my nerve to write it the way I want#and for all my current ‘will you just RELAX and TALK to me yET?!’ frustration? he’s my muse for joseph!#I needed to see what a GOOD man even remotely looks like just as much as I needed someone like him#to accidentally or intentionally show interest (look. if ya gripe about wanting to do something. PUBLICALLY#(and it’s within my skills to make it available. guess what. I’m gonna call your bluff#(I’m too much of a writer and actress. if I see Checkov’s Gun I’m firing it!)#…does he realize that I basically told everyone off for pressuring him via social media and semi privately?#that the only reason why I started using facebook again was to get people to leave him alone?#(who knows. but that + him…kinda witnessing just How Bad my mental health is? is…when I think there was a turning point. maybe. probably.)#…I suck at socializing in Initial Stages. so much. it’s so uncomfortable#but…screw it. I’ve learned that I’ll use what power I have to change environments and make opportunities#even when it’s (deeply) uncomfortable for me to do so#…because sometimes you gotta blink first to make someone else feel safe. and hopefully latch onto that#and…yeah. guess I am patient. but also griping the entire time
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Btw keep talking, I love you
Btw don't shut up you're not annoying
#/platonic stuff yay i love my friends#my friends i love my friends all my friends need to keep talking about their interests with me right nyeeeowwwwwww#too bad only two of my mutuals follow this acc but this is directed at all my buddies#ill beam the thoughts into their mind with this reblog yea#there is nothing more heart warming than the feeling that someone is comfortable talking with you#they show their excitement and care for what is important to them and it makes me smile so hard
24K notes
·
View notes