#and ive been meaning to do this for a while

[mushroom-onalightpost]

i dont often add my thoughts like this, and i hope you don't mind if i do here, but;

I moved out of my very religious, very emotionally abusive parents' house at the beginning of 2025, and Holy Shit have things changed. i knew somewhere in the back of my mind that they would because i also saw the "things get better just wait" variants over and over. but, like a lot of people, i had sort of stopped believing it because it had taken so long to happen, and my situation still felt so fucking shitty. but then it happened. i got the lucky break id been waiting for, and now i live with my partner and meta in a different city with 3 cats and a dog.

i could immediately tell i felt safer before we even fully moved in. we had no couches yet, no chairs, no beds-- just a shitload of boxes and bags of clothes stacked around, and a bluetooth record player blasting hozier as we unloaded the next carload together, and i could fucking breathe

in the 6 months since ive lived here, ive noticed a dozen other signs that ive felt safer here in ways i didnt realize i didnt at my parents

i sing without fear of my mother noticing my voice drop, i do dishes half awake without keeping an ear out for my grandma, i sit out on the front porch without being asked why, i talk to my neighbors without my verbal filter going into overdrive for fear of info getting back to my parents, and-- the most recent thing ive noticed-- i sleep through the night more than ever now

while living with my parents, it was normal for me to wake up 3-5 times every night, and i couldnt figure out why. i mentioned to a coworker last week that since moving out, ive slept better than i have in memory, and they simply said "Good, that means you feel safe there." and boy oh fucking boy if that didnt make me bluescreen in the middle of buttering popcorn at 11:30 in the fucking morning

i just. hold on. you'll get there, and once you do, youll get to experience a million little things that will bring you joy in a way youve never felt before. hold on for that. its worth it.

I get to be more free as an adult than I ever did as a child and I think more kids need to know that. as a high schooler part of what made my depression so bad was being told over and over again that it was the most carefree time of my life. while I was trapped in an abusive home + amongst bullies at school + in a body that wasn’t right for me. opportunities to be carefree don’t end when you turn 18. you can be more you than ever as an adult and that’s such a gift. I know ‘it can get better’ is an annoying thing to see over and over when you’re as trapped as I was back then. and I know that if you’re still a kid you deserve to be free right this second. but it can and will get better and this is not where life stops being interesting. promise

[volivolition]

hi! happy "make a terrible comic" day :]

based off of this post of a fake wikipedia entry!! ive been meaning to draw a comic with it for a long time now :P

[stellargh0ul]

Hey! This is my first tumblr request ^^I’m not sure if you write platonic fics so feel free to ignore this! I’ve been scavenging the web for platonic fics for years 🥀

But could you maybe write something where there’s a young sibling of sin who can’t sleep due to anxiety and frater comforts them? It can be gender neutral too. I find it hard to sleep at night and copia is such a comfort character to me and I would be totally read it with a face like this “😸”

Okay I’m sort of rambling now but that’s basically it :P

Tysm^^

I do platonic a lot actually! I'd say it's about 50/50ish, but i'm always happy to do them. I went with a child, since you said young and i'm a sucker for a man who's good with kids.

-

he isn’t expecting the movement outside his office door in the middle of the night to be a child.

Copia looks up from his desk and peers at the door, squinting as though he’d seen wrong. a curious face again peers around the corner, poking into the room to catch a peek at what he’s doing.

when it sees Frater Imperator looking back at them, the child freezes in place. they stare at each other for several long seconds, locked in a stalemate, before he sighs and goes to get up from behind his desk.

the movement seems to break the spell and the child goes running, little bare feet smacking against the marble-tiled floor. but Copia can be quick when he wants to be and he’s at the door mere moments later, calling for the child to stop.

luckily for him- his quickness does not extend to running more than a few feet- the child listens to him. they’re wearing a set of black pajamas, the kinds the novice siblings of sin are given to sleep in, and while he doesn’t recognize their face from around the Ministry, that means little. there were always children in need of a home arriving.

“i’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be out of bed,” the child says, their eyes fixed on the hem of Copia’s robes as he walks up beside them. “I was… I couldn’t sleep so I went for a walk. but I got lost…”

“come then,” Frater Imperator says, holding his hand out to the child. he doesn’t think they look older than eight. “I’ll take you back to bed.”

the little hand is small in his as they go. Copia doesn’t say much- he doesn’t know this child and doesn’t know what would be comforting to them, but from the way they’re clinging on to his hand, they must have been wandering lost for a while. long enough that they’d been frightened.

“how are you liking the ministry so far?” he asks as they walk and the little child starts before they glance up at him.

“everyone is very nice to me. and the other kids have been nice too.”

“good, good. I am glad to hear this. if you ever have a problem with them, tell them that Frater Imperator will come and set them straight again.”

the child nods emphatically.

“you’re Frater Imperator?”

“I am.”

he has, for a moment, the same sort of feeling he got seeing children when he was Papa Emeritus IV- this child obviously looks up to him.

“…can I ask you a question, Frater?”

“of course.”

quiet, for a long moment. they’re nearly at the children’s dorms so he slows his steps to allow this child time to think.

“…do you ever worry about stuff?”

“do I ever worry about what kind of stuff…?”

“…just, I don’t know. stuff. like, everything.”

he purses his lips, looking down at his small companion.

“…I worry about a lot of things. there is a lot to do to keep the Ministry running. but you, my friend, you are a child. you should not have so many worries that they keep you awake at night.”

the child cringes and he knows he’s hit the nail on the head.

“…I can’t help it.”

“alright. how about this- in exchange for walking you back to the dorms, you do something for me.”

“what do you want me to do?”

he kneels so that they’re face to face, bringing their hands together tightly.

“tell the sister in the morning about your anxieties, alright? perhaps she can help you. perhaps we can figure out something so that a child like you doesn’t have to wander around at night worrying.”

“…okay, Frater.”

“good. this is where we’ll say good night now, alright, dear?”

he gestures towards where the children’s wing starts and the child lights up, nodding emphatically.

“thank you!”

“it was no trouble. if you do find yourself wandering at night again, you are always welcome in my office. I am usually awake.”

he watches the child head back into the halls of the dorms for a moment longer before turning to head back to his office. his own worries are still pressing.

[deswhomst]

CONGRATS ON 1.1K

❄️your hottest take (on anything you want)

thankyou sm dylan!! ❤️❤️

i’ll do a fandom one (maybe not the hottest take but i don’t see it said much & ive had this in my drafts for a while—@ezkel this is the one i was telling u about):

i truly believe that barty crouch jr. canon-wise is the most interesting out of the main marauders era characters. like he was smart as fuck and i mean yes he got 12 OWLs but he also impersonated mad-eye moody for a whole year at hogwarts under dumbledore's nose and no one found out (that’s insane considering dumbledore personally knew moody). he confunded the goblet of fire, killed his father, stayed on his mission in the "safest" place (aka hogwarts) without getting caught. he has a whole arc before that, being the first person to break out of azkaban, faking his death but then being imprisoned in his own body by his father. he was an amazing teacher despite spending all that time in azkaban (and he was arrested at 19) and then spending all the rest of his time under the imperius curse. he unintentionally became the reason harry was able to escape the graveyard the day voldemort came back. he was almost at the finish line. his mission was a success but he didn’t make it out to see that. he got the dementor’s kiss. it’s just to say, compared to all the other characters (even remus and sirius), it felt like barty had a fuller arc and presence. at least to me!! GoF has always been my fav bc the way i never could’ve guessed that it was barty all along

also only reason i’m scared to say this is because i don’t want a bunch of barty haters to say i’m “glazing” him lmao. i don’t think he was a good person but i do think he was an amazing character. i don’t have to agree with his morals to think he’s worth exploring ykk

[soundop-central]

RE: your post about rebranding to megasound-central. I've always thought the best flavour of megop has soundwave squeezed in the middle, and the best flavour of wavewave has megatron off to the side only half in frame. Which is to say megasound too also is only improved by optimus being in there somewhere. I understand you.

AJDBWIXBWIZWH

megasoundop is the only brand of megop that i can tolerate, not even going to lie.

i just think that both of them need a sort of buffer there. soundwave fundamentally understands megatron (imo), and has a knack for coming to deep and accurate conclusions about others. meaning that if he spent enough time with optimus, he'd probably end up liking him.

ive always shipped megasound, like how ive always shipped wavewave and optiratch. there is so many of my favourite dynamic tropes wrapped up in this ship (i.e.: knight/lord, guard dog/leash holder, devotee/idol, etc.). i've always liked ships that have subtle power dynamics wrapped up in a morally grey (or straight up evil) bow. megasound has always been "universe's worst enabler/universe's worst warlord" to me.

i havent always shipped soundop. i actually pavlov'd myself into shipping it just because i came up with a really funny crack au that accidentally sent soundop careening from "silly nonsense" to "oh god, they're actually really good". soundop isn't as cut and dry to me as megasound- there arent a lot of dynamic tropes that actually fit them, so it's hard to quantify in simple terms what their relationship would be like. but its based on agreements, a mutual acknowledgment of the past and the future, respect and understanding. it's a lot of work, but it's rewarding.

i love both megatron and optimus as characters, and i totally recognize why the fandom ships them (ESP the idw and tfo side) (though, side note, i do actually like dpax; my opinion on megop is very nuanced and continuity dependent.) either way, i just dont see it working after literal millions of years of war without someone to act as a sort of mediator. whether that be in a romantic or platonic position, its up to whoever is doing the interpreting; but here's my take.

so we've got this guy (soundwave) who's basically sworn to this other guy (megatron), and the depth of his oath has become pretty muddy to both of them, even teetering on blasphemous if one looks hard enough. their (now ex-) enemy is an all around pretty Okay dude (optimus). while he's definitely tried to destroy everything they've done, they have also tried to do the exact same thing to him. and now that it's all done and over with...

well hey, why not? optimus seems amicable. he's definitely still sympathetic to them; remembering their time together before the degeneration that the war had become. maybe it would be worth it to try and test the waters.

i see it as an enemies to friends to lovers deal on all sides. everyone has to want it, has to work towards it, has to put in that effort.

soundwave is very suspicious of optimus at first, and frustrated that megatron would simply welcome him in so easily. optimus has to earn soundwave's trust. soundwave is protective of megatron- it's hard to undo 4 million years of protecting him from the very person he's now let in their home.

optimus is, understandably, a bit intimidated by how... intense... the vibe is. he feels like he's constantly in hostile territory. but he also knows that he's the odd man out. he resents having to earn his place, but also understands that if they want to have any hope at success, he needs to have soundwave's trust.

megatron is... both delighted and cautious. he's probably the one who's walking the thinnest line. it was his idea, he's the one who kept touch with optimus, he's the one who wanted to at least try. he convinced soundwave, no easy feat, and optimus, only slightly easier. he has the trust of two people that he cares very much about on the line.

it's definitely stressful.

both optimus and megatron are stubborn mechs. megatron has a temper and optimus has a no nonsense attitude. both of them can bicker back and fourth for hours, and to anyone on the outside, it would look like a normal conversation. yet, it is bickering, and despite how much both of them try to deny their own internal feelings, it does leave them a bit more hollow each time.

megatron never wants to apologize; he can only admit fault if he's given irrefutable proof of wrong doing. it's like pulling teeth.

meanwhile optimus is trying so hard to be reasonable, but also firm in his stances. he wishes to help both soundwave and megatron adjust to a life without war- while he can barely do that himself.

but soundwave, at first, would be doing this for megatron. as always, he's the self-sacrificer, the one who will do whatever is asked in order to further their goals. that much hasn't changed, even if the rhetoric has. yet, as time goes on, he slowly begins to enjoy this arrangement. which is something he never expected.

soundwave is adaptable and level headed; able to parse out fact and fiction within a blink of an eye. as he slowly grows more confident in his identity beyond just being megatron's most trusted, he finds himself growing more and more satisfied by finding another ship in the sea that is loving megatron.

anyway, tl;dr - they're gay. painfully so. theyre also traumatized and like not having a good time usually. but they're trying to fix that and make it work. and if that isn't real love idk what is.

[itchyandtwitchy]

I feel like the part where his husband just audits to watch is so crazy???? I need to know more about their dynamic. Also teaching with a tissue over the nose IS just crazy. I am eating this up!

IT IS CRAZY! I mean, its definitely practical but also the most distracting thing ever. Unfortunately, because I never took a class with his husband, Im not sure what he's like as a teacher. HOWEVER, allow me to ramble off a few dynamic obs about them.

Obs under cut

Having class with Russian professor then going to my internship with his husband gives me such insane whiplash. They work at two different colleges about 25 minutes apart and just hop between buildings during their breaks. Dont ask me how it works, I have no idea.

Not only are they nearly polar opposites of one another, Russian professor is insanely different outside of the class. He has a reputation for being critical and having unobtainable standards, I nearly failed his class my first year. His husband is the exact opposite, he still has that strict professor vibe but he's more gentle and understanding in his teaching. Again, not sure how he is in the classroom, but Ive been able to sit down and have an actual conversation with him on many occasions.

Anyway, SNEEZE TIME

Im often working with the husband late into the night; comparing notes, writing reports, updating databases, etc. This means that Russian professor almost always stumbles in while Im still there, makes himself some food (God bless that microwave), and pulls up a chair next to his husband. This is where the interrogation begins- 'how are you feeling? Still coughing? You take anything? You looked poorly during class, I have more tea and tissues on my desk'. Hearing my professor answer these questions is like taking multiple bullets to my soul. He goes so in depth about every symptom, PLEASE BE QUIET (keep going).

The even crazier part is he knows I know what theyre saying even if Russian isnt my first language or speciality.

But the ACTUAL craziest part is how much his husband tolerates while I'm literally right there observing all of this. One of husband's quirks is that he will catch professor's sneezes in a tissue. Like fully, if professor were to show any sign of sneezing (and they're obvious) his husband just holds a tissue to his nose and let's him use it. This is why Im convinced he is one of us, I cant be the only one going insane over this.

A few times when I was in his office at even later ungodly hours than usual, professor will sort of lay his head on his husband's shoulder while we work and turn to bury sneezes against his shoulder or neck. I just know hes lurking on this side of Tumbleweed. Do you understand my insanity? The worst part, even though Im a personal victim of his bad attitude, hes so docile when its just me and his husband. He doesn't talk much at all, but thats still a major improvement from how he usually treats my work.

Hope you enjoyed, these are so fun to think back on. I also might go back and expand on some of my asks with @empresskaze

[t4transsexual]

im firing off some rent control bits in here to make sure no antitransmasculine people have started following me since ive forsaken my place as a trans man in my community of other trans men. i will always be antitransmisogynistic, but trans men are oppressed for being trans, and we are often oppressed by other trans people, IN THE SAME WAY TRANS MEN WILL OPPRESS OTHER TRANS PEOPLE, and we deserve to be able to talk about that without being put on blast by both terfs and baeddels. i have been sitting on some pretty heavy secrets regarding trans women i used to date and trans women i used to be friends with that i simply cannot share on here because my account has gone viral a couple of times and i know that if i posted about these things, that terfs and transphobes would use them to demonize all trans women. i love trans women, and i dont want that to happen. but i need to set the standard going forward in a way that i have not in a while:

-i am done forsaking my identity as a trans man for the comfort of other trans people. i am not nonbinary, i am not transmasculine, i am a TRANS MAN

-this is a safe space against transandrophobia, antitransmasculinity, transmisandry, or whatever you call specific oppression against trans men and transmasculine people on account of them being trans men or transmasculine

-this is not the same as being a "mens rights activist" because yall dumbasses know full well that cis-centric "mens rights activism" does not include the voices of trans men or transmasculine people, and actively seeks to harm us and other trans people. trans men do have specific needs that are NOT being met in this trans community. ive seen so many trans men not want to come out as trans men because yall are so hateful to us. I DETRANSITIONED TO IDENTIFY AS NONBINARY BECAUSE YALL MADE ME FEEL ASHAMED OF MY SEXUAL IDENTITY, AND THAT IS TRANSPHOBIA, SPECIFICALLY TRANSANDROPHOBIA

-trans man lesbians are always welcome here, and there are many good and "valid" reasons a trans man would identify as a lesbian, but i also have come to understand that a lot of trans men lesbians might not identify that way if yall werent so damn hateful to trans men and especially straight trans men

-trans men are an oppressed group, both within and outside of the trans community, and sometimes trans women are the ones oppressing trans men. and sometimes, trans men are the ones oppressing trans women. its because we're all in this fucking community and we dont always get along and some trans men see trans women as women who need to shut the fuck up, and some trans women see trans men as women who need to shut the fuck up. trans men should not have to pussyfoot around the fact that sometimes the people targetting us are trans women in order to be heard and understood. and trans men should also not have to outright say "this doesnt mean i hate trans women" on every single post about antitransmasculinity when no trans woman is doing the same for us

-trans mens rights have a place in womens rights. trans men often have to rely on womens spaces and supports and healthcare in order to survive. that is because we live in a misogynistic society that polices and oppresses people with uteruses and vaginas in several ways. trans men have DIED because they could not access womens healthcare as trans men. cis and trans women have died because they werent given competent care as women. so have trans men. im not calling trans men women by saying this, if you have an issue with it, find another word to describe womens rights. perhaps "the rights of people oppressed for their sex/gender" is a good start

thats it. if youre mad, be mad. im mad too honestly. im angry that i was pressured back into the closet by my own community and FRIENDS because i knew that if i was openly a TRANS MAN then i would not be accepted by them. im angry that BABY TRANS BOYS ARE SCARED TO COME OUT because of how hateful the part of the trans community that does not experience antitransmasculinity get to trans boys and trans men. TRANS BOYS AND TRANS MEN DESERVE BETTER. we arent "trans in proxy to trans women," we dont only experience transphobia because of our "proximity to trans women," trans men are also transitioning due to gender dysphoria or gender euphoria like any other trans person does, and trans men do NOT deserve to be villainized to the point where we're recloseting ourselves to fit in with our own damn community

[transgenderer]

yeah! ive been thinking about fungibility in art lately. and just fungibility more generally. because i mean, its so luxurious! its such a nice part of modernity, that you dont have to care about getting *this particular one*, you just need one of a plentiful thing. apartment hunting really emphasizes how much it sucks when things arent fungible. another example: while products a company makes are fungible, the companies themselves are not fungible! infamously with spacex, we'd like to no longer have to deal with elon musk, but we *can't* replace him (or at least, his company)

anyway, some art is definitely more fungible than others. but that fungibility is partially independent of quality, which is interesting. like i was talking about this with homestuck recently. there are a lot of works *better* than homestuck but which are nonetheless more fungible, less singular. i think art that is nonfungible can have a value in itself, independent of its goodness, just from the knowledge that youre experiencing this thing that isn't like any other thing, on a fundamental level.

some thoughts, by medium:

paintings: except for a few tiny oeuvre exceptions, super fungible, any reasonably prolific painter has tons of paintings that are basically the same

poetry: ALSO pretty fungible, but not always, which is neat. i think the 20th century included a move away towards fungibility in poetry? like less towards pursuing a "type" and more towards pursuing poems unlike other poems

movies: a weird mix. movies are so big and expensive, so there's less of them. usually a director has a pretty small body of work. but because theyre expensive theyre also "mass market" and theres a lot of push to make movies that fit a fungible type. infamously, the movies companies want this badly, and creators are frustrated by it, because a good movies requires a certain unreplicable "magic"

books: tends towards non-fungibility, EXCEPT for airport books (romance, thriller, self-help, memoir, etc) which have a massive pressure towards fungibility, and achieve it, the point is more about successfully doing a type than being its own thing (but it has to have SOME novelty, or its boring)

music: i think like 90+% of music is very fungible, but once music becomes remotely "weird" it rapidly becomes not fungible at all. like you don't even have to get that weird, you can still be on the radio. but you have to be weird for the radio. the indie music scene has produced its own like "alt" spec to write to, and people hit that spec to achieve fungibility (desirable! easy to get people to like you! they already like you!)

i think my fundamental disconnect (confusion, almost!) with people who are really insistent that you shouldnt read books, watch movies, listen to music, etc made by bad people, is that i like.....care about art? this is a perspective that only makes sense if, on some level, art is just Not a Big Deal. and i mean. there is some objective sense in which art is not a big deal! youre allowed to not care about art. but i dont think you should insist other people shouldnt care about art

[itz-pandora]

[joshuamj]

Hero.

[hinamie]

green

[undomesticated-animal]

Some tags from @hyenaboycunt, @darethebrave, and @seimsisk that really cut to the quick of what I was trying to do here.

Tag Set #1

#absolutely love this piece#it took a moment for me to properly catch on since i dont think ive encountered written spanglish before#relevant linguistic background for me:#monolingual english speaker‚ 3 years of latin in HS‚ & familiar with pronunciation rules for spanish#plus a few friends/acquaintances who've spoken spanglish around me (but they're not consistently part of my life)#so i did the monolingual thing and focused on the obviously english paragraphs first#but once i grokked what i was looking at i started over#when reading English i dont really have an internal voice. i usually know the words and what they mean#(i sometimes completely miss out on written puns because of this‚ funny enough)#anyway. i started over. and i know the pronunciation rules but i dont have much experience reading spanish.#so i had to sound out a lot of it (internally) while i was reading.#and i was surprised by how much i understood when i could “hear” the words#even if i absolutely couldn't translate them.#and i did have to look to the english paragraphs for help of course‚ but less often than i expected#it's funny too that i was reminded of two people in my life who i hear speak like this. one is a friend's mother and i can HEAR the way#the way she says “mijo” to her son (my friend)#the other is a family friend I haven't thought of in YEARS but this writing has me hearing her voice and seeing her mannerisms so clearly.#I'm enamored with how actually thinking about the *sounds* both 1) made this exponentially more comprehensible to me#and 2) brought to mind the voices of family friends speaking to their children#it feels so very much like *home*#not my specific home. but it's something I've personally only heard spoken in places that *feel* like home.#really wonderful writing here Domi.#there's more thoughts churning but ironically words fail me. and tragically i dont have any other languages i can try

Tag Set #2

#i haven’t used my three years of high school spanish in quite a while#but what a linguistically fun reading challenge!#also a very good poem OP thank you for sharing#it was neat to catch the little differences between the paragraphs#art#poetry

Tag Set #3

#this sentence applies to all languages I think#everyone go read op's tags please#I do not speak Spanish but I can read it more of less fluently because I'm Brazilian and it just works like that#reading the spanglish versions felt so good#and I related to so much of it even if my circumstances are completely different#I have been through the experience of trying to date in English and it was such a mess#how to explain to a gringo the meaning of carinho? carente?

I had a really public meltdown a few months back because something happened during a date that made me realize I had slowly let my entire love life happen in English. And while I didn't [and still don't] feel like the answer is to demand that my partners learn Spanish in order to talk with me, I did realize that part of why I felt so thoroughly alienated from affection in my relationships is because it is in Spanish and Spanglish that I feel verbal care and affection. English feels....sterile and professional. Which is maybe a reasonable outcome of a world where "home" welcomes my polyglot behavior and "the rest of the world" gets irritated with me for requiring extra work of them to communicate.

It somehow never seems to occur to people that the work they dislike having to do for me will have to get done regardless, and what they are objecting to is literally my attempt to not carry and perform all of that work alone and unsupported in relationships that are meaningful to me.

That's a dynamic that's hard to vocalize to others unless they already internally recognize the experience and can pick up on it.

My partners still don't speak Spanish. But these days I do. Almost universally in my relationships, Spanish and Spanglish are verbalized markers of my feelings of intimacy, care, and trust in another. I use more over time as I become comfortable, I rely almost exclusively on common MexíCalí pet names and diminutives for partners, and the more relaxed/less rigidly self-managed I am, the more likely I am to simply reach for Spanglish first and foremost.

When I wrote this, I wrote the English paragraphs first. It took a little while, but it was doable because I use English A LOT in my professional and personal life obviously. Next I wrote the Spanish. This was harder. I have few people to keep up with, so I was anxious about mixing up my spelling, my grammar, my vowel modifiers, etc. I did a lot more checking and rechecking of my work to ensure that I was not misremembering my conjugations and grammatical structures.

I wrote the Spanglish last. I wrote it in under five minutes. I wrote it without once feeling the need to confirm my grammar or vocab. I wrote it and immediately felt it conveyed my tone and intention far better than either monolingual version. It was the closest thing I've ever felt to not having to "translate" my thoughts for someone else, and I spent a little time after just quietly having a cry about reaching my 30s before ever letting myself write the way I think, before letting myself trust my partners and loved ones with this part of me that is so integral to how it feels to be at home with another person.

I actually considered recording myself speaking the poem aloud because I agree with @hyenaboycunt that the way I write is meant to be read aloud, not read in one's mind, and there were several times reading it to myself that I realized reading it would lose something too. Several words where my accent and pronunciation was not the same as the language of the word itself, or where the blending went further than simply mixing and matching words within a sentence. I still might take a recording, we'll see. I really do think it's the next logical place for this art piece to go. But I also know that speaking is so raw and vulnerable to me, and while I would typically just have someone else do the recording, this is a circumstance where that wouldn't solve the issue at all. It has to be me. And ironically, that's what may end up limiting me from being able to do it. Yet again, my relationship with language being complicated creates barriers to communication that even *I* can barely recognize without real intentional thought. How can I expect others to see how much I do to be understood when I can barely admit it to myself?

En íngles, y otra vez in Spanish

No sé to describe mi relationship con mi lingua. Complicado, I suppose. No sé qué the words that will come en mi mente primary, y sometimes es difícil traducir between las idiomas. Creo que most people figure translation ser word-for-word, pero no es menos un pequeño here and there. Sometimes I look for las palabras exactamente por way too long y sientame abrumado. People act like eres estúpido if words are hard for you. Y adorame cual ser talking down a mi en bed, pero tiempo otros I get so angry when people decide no es importante para mi tiene tiempo enough communicarse. I don’t know how to describe my relationship with language. Complicated, I suppose. I never know which words will come to me first, and sometimes it’s hard to translate between languages. I think people expect translation to be word by word, but it so rarely is. Sometimes I search for the correct replacement word for way too long and it makes me feel so overwhelmed. People treat you like you’re stupid if you struggle with your words. And I like to be talked down to in bed, but the rest of the time it makes me so angry when people decide it’s not important for me to have the time to communicate properly. No sé cómo expressar mi social relación con la idioma. Quizás complicado. Nunca sé qué palabras vendrán primero a mi mente y, a veces, es difícil traducir entre los languajes. Creo que la mayoria de la gente se figurarán que la traducción sea palabra por palabra, pero raramente está. A veces trato de encontrar la palabra exacta durante demasiado tiempo y me poniendo abrumado. La gente actúa como si fueras estúpido si las palabras están costarían. Y adoro que me traten con condescendencia en la cama, pero si no me airado mucho cuando la gente decide que no es importante para mí tener tiempo para comunicarme. I wonder often how it feels hablar o necesitar solamente una idioma, y inglés at that. ¿Reconocéis how much nuestro uso de language changes how nos entendemos y our place aquí en es? I often wonder how it feels to only use or need one language, and English at that. Do people realize how much our language changes how we understand the world, our place in it? Me pregunto con frecuencia qué se siente hablar o necesitar solo una idioma, y ​ lo que es más, inglés. ¿Reconocéis todos de lo mucho que la idioma cambia nuestra comprensión del otros y nuestras relaciones sociales? La idioma es all about relationships. La forma de la palabra implies más y mucho about la context sociales en el que it’s spoken. Crecí con myriad trozos de significado in each sentence spoken. English feels desolado en momentos. ¿Cómo se dice mijita como en una chica que es carnal para mi con el tono solamente? En inglés, estan mucho emphasis en the meaning of body language and I imagine los otros rarely notice this. Maybe por eso I have such a bad time entender mi role para las vidas de mis quieridos. Menos Mamá, lo no tengo con que hablar Spanish. Pero maybe menos los diminutivos y verbalizacion de relationships sociales en nuestro day to day conversacion, no créo sé how to fill la falta. Quizás part of el problema conmigo y my understanding of non-verbal communicación, and I figure it out claro que si, pero I forget how often no es necesito hacer que.

Spanish is all about relationships. The shape of a word implies so much about the social context in which the word is being used to communicate. I grew up with so many layers of meaning in every sentence spoken. English feels almost desolate sometimes. How do you convey that you are calling someone baby girl with the love you have for family with only tone? There is so much weight put on non-verbal communication in English that I think people rarely notice. Maybe that’s why I have so much trouble understanding my role in the lives of my loved ones. Aside from my mother, no one I love speaks Spanish well enough to use it with me. But maybe without those little suffixes and verbalization of social relationships in our day to day conversation, I don’t know how to fill in the gaps left behind. Maybe some of the conflict in how others speak and how I hear their words is the absence. I’ve never been good at reading body language, and I surely figure it out in Spanish too, but I forget sometimes how many little spaces it isn’t necessary in my mother tongue. La idioma del espanol es una cuestión de relaciones. La forma de una palabra expresarse mucho del contexto social en el que se habla la palabra. Crecí con tantas trozos de significado en cada oraciónes hablado. La idioma del inglés es desolado por momentos. ¿Cómo se dice mijita como en una chica que es carnal para mi con el tono solamente? En inglés se pone mucho énfasis en el significado que expresa el cuerpo y imagino que los otros ven es raremente. Quizás por eso me resulta difícil comprender mi ubicación social en las vidas de mis queridos. Menos mi madre, nul de mis quieridos habla español con sultura para usarlo conmigo. Pero sin esos diminutivos y la charla sobre relaciones sociales en nuestras expresiones, no sé cómo llenar la falta. quizás un componente del problemo en cómo entiendo a los demás es la falta de contexto. Soy malo para interpretar el expressiones corporal, y también lo entiendo en español, claro que si, pero olvido que con frecuencia no es necesario en mi lengua materna. Me pregunta how it is por la gente del otra cara. ¿How is it to see how much más acepción there is anytime una palabra cambia en español? ¿What do you notice changing when leé lo que está escrito aquí? I wonder what that is like for people on the other side of the coin. How does it feel to realize how many componants of a single word can be changed in Spanish to convey meaning? What do you see change when you try to navigate my language? What was it like to read this post? Me pregunto cómo será eso para la gente del otro cara. ¿Cómo es ver los muchos pequeños cambios en una palabra que tienen significado? ¿Qué ves cuando intentas interpretar mi idioma? ¿Cómo fue leer lo esto obra? Some say a mi está buenísima that I lapse en el español during sex. Some react poorly when I cambio en medio idiomas. Otros no tienen any reaction at all. No creó sé what I want people entender para mi behavior. Yo sé quiero to be loved en mi context. I know this makes la spoken idioma un dific��l way para mi aceptar love. I wonder how entendeís conmigo. Sometimes people tell me it’s hot that I lapse into Spanish during sex. Sometimes people react with visible discomfort whenever I move between languages. Others don’t have any reaction at all. I don’t know how to convey to someone what meaning I want them to take from this behavior. I know that I want to be loved in my own context. I know that I cannot be loved in a context others lack. I know this makes language a difficult form of love for me to accept. I wonder how others would come to understand that about me.

Algunas personas me dicen que está buenísima que hablo español cuando folo. Algunos reaccionan en contra de con desasosiego cuando cambio en medio idiomas. Otros no tienen ninguna reacción. No sé cómo decir qué espero que interpreten de esta acción. Quiero ser quierido en mi propio contexto. Sé que no puedo ser quierido en un contexto de lo cual otros es falta. Es difícil para mí aceptar la idioma hablado como una forma de cariño porque que esto verdad. Me pregunto cómo los otros entienden eso de mí.

[soyochii]

Quick doodles before I evaporate.

[lucabyte]

Different standards

[licoryce]

my fountlilys finally escaping get out get out get ouT

(+ vague au thing that i will never draw again under the cut. god bless)

[autumn-may]

terrisas really funny ithink