#and just like saying that hey. your partner is struggling with something and you arent responsible for fixing them cuz you literally cannot

[jackass-jones]

I know my ass says this every time there’s a new season but god DAMN, heartstopper is such a good show for teenagers

[teddy-the-queer-wizard]

Me all my life: i guess i dont care about the gender or genders of my future partners or soulmate/s or whatever because it doesnt matter what matters is their personality and also i hate people likeing me romantically it ruins everything and makes me both angry and trapped feeling

some guy in college: yeah so im ace. like ill do the family thing but im not into sex

me laughing my ass off: yeah thats not allowed especially for you cause youre a guy

someone in like 2018 hey you said youre trans what type?

me struggling with the the idea that im allowed to be a man for some reason saying this because it seemed just as far fetched and ridiculous to me at the time and i didnt believe in it for me anymore than i believed i was allowed to be a man: would you believe gender fluid?

**proceeds to ghost that person so hard**

me on the internet a few? years later: hey yeah i think im non binary because i dont think im man enough to be a man

a nice kind soul on the internet: its okay youre man enough

me for some reason terrified: I SAID IM NON BINARY GET BLOCKED

closet trans friend trying out girl voice for the first time: something something

me irrationally afraid and angry: stop that you sound weird

anyways all this to say that uh. we - or at least I have a lot of internalized shit ive had to get over to learn and accept about myself and others

and like in theory i was like "people can be gay or trans or whatever" but when faced with actual real life people i freaked. and when i was done freaking i was envious.

like in theory sure its fine but in reality? who the fuck is that special? and i always figured id know if i were special and i wasnt. i didnt feel special. and like. if youre not special youre just a normal person then you arent allowed to be this thing that is different. maybe?

idk. there wasnt much thought just emotional recoil.

[georgiaheartsdilfs]

→ sex scenes chris e x f!reader

prompt ↪you and chris have been friends since captain america's first movie and have been dating for a year or two and you recently released a new movie, whilst in another country you and chris are doing an online interview with the same person but since you are not out to the public yet you have to pretend like you arent in the same room. "how was is filming the sex scenes with chris?" warnings/other notes ↪this is short and has mentions of sex Chris and I had been sitting around for a couple of hours before our interview, we have been able to keep our relationship a secret for almost two years but recently we've been sloppy. Since the release of our new movie we have been caught out eating a few times which I suppose doesn't suggest we are dating but it does suggest we are friends outside of work. We had gone to London for a press conference on our new movie 'Fate' which is about a man and woman who constantly keep meeting each other in the most random places and eventually realise that they are in love just from every encounter, every glimpse. "Why can't we tell everyone" Chris whined, he liked the idea of telling everyone but clearly I didn't given the hate comments and all the jealous fans. I wasn't quite ready "you don't need to read them i'll even block every bad comment about you" he smiled sweetly. I kiss his cheek "Chris you know I would but it's just scary, why does the whole world have to be invested in our relationship" I say checking the watch "oh shoot the interview is in ten minutes" I continue standing up as does Chris. "how do I look hunny" he asked and I chuckle "wipe your cheek I left a mark and you look handsome as always" I say as he blushes "i'll see you in the interview partner" he winks and I laugh walking off into the bedroom.

Chris had joined the interview call before me since I struggled to type in my password, I join a minute or two late laughing "sorry my fat fingers kept missing the last few letters of my password" I smile as Chris and the interviewer chuckled. "no worries, are we all ready?" the interview Kerry said, Chris and I both nod with a smile. "hello everyone welcome to the first ever virtual interview for the movie Fate, joined with me are the two stars Chris Evans and Y/n Y/l/n" Kerry said and Chris laughs and I start clapping "whoop whoop" I say making everyone laugh. "Let's just start of about how are you both, how are you feeling I know you're in London for the press conference" she smiles and I wait for Chris to say something. "oh its great you know we get to meet all these people, new faces but we still get to do it with our friends you know so we aren't alone in London yeah its fun" He says "Yeah" I agree with him. "If you both were to message Sebastian Stan who would he respond first to?" Kerry asked "oh definitely me" I say and Chris laughs "I was messaging him on the couch right before the interview" he says "yeah but sebastian loves me way more than you" I point at my camera "Why don't we test it" he says cocking an eyebrow. I grab my phone out of my pocket quickly typing in Sebastian's name before typing a message hey buddy, how are you? miss you x "I sent it" I smirk "that's unfair you literally spend all your time on your phone" Chris whines "oh not so confident now huh" I laugh. "Now I just want to get this questions out in the wind you know, what was it like filming the sex scenes. Obviously you guys are great friends, was it awkward?" Kerry says and Chris and I laugh, of course it wasn't weird given the amount it times we've done it but we couldn't say obviously. "Chris?" I ask as cheeks go red thinking about last night "Oh uh it's not awkward at all, I think we are in the part of the friendship where everything goes i guess" he says laughing "thats a part of a friendship?" I question him and we laugh. "HE MESSAGED ME" I yell sort of loud and it echos through to Chris's microphone and Chris goes read. I immediately cover my mouth in embarrassment "what did he say?" Kerry asks thankfully she didn't hear. "uh I said hey buddy, how are you? I miss you and then I added a little kiss because i always kiss him on the cheek" I say clearing my throat "and he responded, you beat him by a second i'm good just the same old how are you? and he added a yellow heart" I continue and Kerry claps "well that settles it. Chris laughs looking at his phone "he just messaged me back with, sorry buddy she beat you by a second love you both so much" he says and I laugh. "Sebastian loves me more that's why, I'm telling you" I chuckle, my phone went off and Chris had messaged me you were so loud 🥲 I respond with obviously, I love Sebastian why would I not be loud and Chris rolls his eyes. "Now relationship rumors, we need to get this one out too. We see that you two go everywhere together. Of course you guys could just be bestfriends but we just want to know are you both dating?" Kerry had asked and I go red. "Chris I am so in love you with" I say jokingly "you have it there folks, y/n is in love with me" Chris says pointing at his camera "and you're not?" I ask him "sure I am" he says. "is this official" Kerry says "nah i'm kidding, he's my best mate, always and forever". The interview ends and I let out a loud and frustrated sigh. My door swings open and Chris runs over picking me up "sex scenes" he says spinning me around "out of all words" i laugh as he slows down carrying me to our bed. "should we do a sex scene without the camera?" he asks "right now?" I ask "mhm" he nods "lets do it" I say. you can imagine the rest.

[thcweasley]

Yours

PAIRING : George Weasley X Y/N

SUMMARY : George getting jealous of his twin brother for being closer to you .

WARNINGS : none? Make out? implying things? hehe

WORDS : 1.7k

A/N: lol this hits too close to home, growing up i was shadowed by heather sister :(  I was going to turn this into smut but im not sure.. cos i never wrote a smut before lol.

“Focus on your work Weasley” Snape smacked George Weasley’s head with the book he was holding, causing the whole class to look at his direction.

George was already an easily distracted person to begin with. but today especially, he got his mind somewhere else.

He was looking at you and his twin brother Fred, giggling while trying to figure out snape’s task. All of his life he never thought that he would feel this much jealously towards the older twin. Sure, sometimes it bothers him a bit that people pay more attention to him, or the fact that people always refers them as “Fred & George”, not “George & Fred”. But he knew it’s a silly thing to be bothered about so he always managed to brush it off.

But not today, Fred had been assigned with you. The girl George met on his last solo trip to honeydukes. It shocked him how he never saw you around before, despite being in the same house and grade. But hes glad that he met you. George didn’t like to be cheesy, but he was so sure that you were made for him. Whenever youre around, he just felt so happy. You’re funny, kind, and on top of all you’re prettiest thing he ever seen. Sadly, for him, other people seems to think that way about you.

He introduced you 2 weeks ago to his brother and friends. You seem to get along great with everyone. He liked that, his brother and friends is everything for him. But he cant help it but feeling a little bit jealous. He didn’t wanna admit it but this jealously is most probably because he was insecure about his feeling for you. Before everything he was sure that you fancy him the same way he fancies you. But now, hes not sure. And he hated it, youre supposed to be his girl.

The class that felt so long was finally over. George quickly stood up, walking towards the common room. he just want to burry his face onto his bed now. He felt an arm linking his. “Hey you” it was you. He let out a big sigh, not knowing how to feel right now.

“Hey, did you have a good time today?” He hated how catty he sounded. Knowing you, he knew you wouldn’t able to tell.

“Yeah it was fun. Your brother is hilarious you know that?” He rolled his eyes, feeling his face getting hot.

“Well yeah hes a clown” George answered shortly. Wanting you both could just drop this conversation. He didn’t like this, being jealous of his twin brother.

“ahah yeah true, youre also funny too you know” You leaned your head onto Georges arm. At this point it was hard for him to not just pulls you into a big hug. “Whats your plan for the rest of the day?” You asked looking up on him.

“Im not sure, probably just sleep” George answered looking down to you. You looked so cute leaning on to him.

“Wanna have a study date? Snape’s test tomorrow right?” George’s ears perked up at the word date.

A smile creeps on his face. “Yeah sure”

“Brilliant! I’ll see you in 2 hours then!” You gave his arm a squeeze before you go. Leaving George all smiley by himself.

2 hours later, George found himself getting ready for his study date. He finally going to make a move on you. Its obvious that you fancy him now right? At least you were the one who refers their study session as a study date.

He tried to look around for Fred but he was nowhere to be found. He feels weird do anything without asking for the older brother’s advice. But it was time to go to meet you at the Library and he didn’t want to make you wait, so he just decided to cross his fingers and hope for the best.

“Hey” George greeted you, big smile on his face. You look up at him from the book you were reading, smiling back at him. “You got a lot of stuff here” He sat down beside you, looking at paper and pens in front of him.

“Oh its not mine” You answered. “So, do you have anything you’re particularly struggling with?”

Whilst you tried your best to explain the things that he was struggling with. George was doing his best to stay focus on what youre saying instead of you. He cant help but admire your face, your cheeks, your lips. He wonders how would it feel like you press his lips against yours.

“Are you listening to me George?” You asked, knowing the answer pretty well.

“Uh yeah, im sorry I got distracted” he blinked.

You brought your hand on to his head, messing with his red hair. “you’ve been a bit distracted these days. didn’t you got smacked on your head earlier today by Snape?” you chuckled a bit running your fingers on the back of his head. “Did it hurt?” You tilted her head closer to him, rubbing the back of his head.

He couldn’t seem to think straight at this point. The fact that youre so close to him right now, he could smell your scent. He took a deep breath trying to be brave and make a move. He put his hand on top of yours, pulling it away from his head. “Y/N..” He started, linking his fingers with yours. “I think I like you”

“Yeah?” You chuckled feeling. your cheeks starting to get warm. “Whats going on George? Why are you suddenly so serious?”

“Well, Im not sure how you feel about me. But I got nothing to lose so here I am. I like you” Surprised by his words, you didn’t say anything. So he thought he could just make a move then. He leaned in closer to you getting you lips closer to each other. Not knowing what to do you just close your eyes. He smiled, taking this as a greenlight to proceed his act. Until all of the sudden-

“Your tea is here!!” Fred walked in, causing them to pull away from each other. “Hey that’s my seat George, do you not see the stuffs on the table?” He said as he sat down filling the gap between You and George.

“Fred what are you doing here?” George asked, clearly  frustrated with the situation.

“That’s not how you greet people, my dear brother” He said handing you the tea he was talking about. “Besides, youre not the only one who got invited to this study group. Right Y/N?” You just nod at him feeling flustered, thinking about what could’ve happened if Fred didn’t just walk in.

The next day, George has been avoiding you since last night. He thought you guys shared the same feeling. But yesterday proved him wrong. He was just another friend to you

Snape’s exam was a group work, being Fred’s partner obviously made you work with him for the exam. You looked so happy, George wishes it was him working with you instead of his twin brother. He hated this so much, it’s ridiculous how jealous he felt towards his twin brother right now.

The exam’s finally over, George saw you coming up to him from the corner of his eyes. “Hey” you greeted him. “Wanna go to Three Broomstick later? I haven’t really seen you all week”

“Who’s coming?” He asked, hoping this time its just the two of you. And everything that he thought about last night wasn’t true.

“Uh everyone. Fred, Lee, Angelina and others im not sure” George snickered. How stupid of him to think that you wanna be alone with him. How stupid of him to think he got a chance with you.

“I think im gonna pass on that” he took a deep breath. “Im tired. Ill see you around” He left you dumb folded, walking away towards his room.

The night comes around. The common room feels empty, his friends had left him for Three Broomstick. George just chilling alone on his bed when he heard someone opened the door.

“George?” You walked towards him, sitting at the end of his bed “Hey, im just.. I just wanna make sure everything is okay”

“Why you here” George answered bitterly. “Arent you suppose to be out with your friends, with my brother?”

“Well yeah but I wanna check up on you. And talk about last night..”

“What do you wanna talk about Y/N?” He took a deep breath. “I already get it, you see me as a friend. If anything, you like Fred more than me. I get it don’t worry. Everyone always picks him over me, im used to it”

“George…” you scotched in closer too him, trying to stop him from rambling all these nonsenses.

“Im not even sure why I thought you like me, he is the better twin. Im just me. I just thought I have a chance with you. Throughout my life, ive always get hands down from my siblings, share with my siblings.” He realised how ridiculous he sounded but it didn’t stop him. “I love how you get along with my friends. But, i just thought, I thought youre my person. Finally someone I can proudly say mine. I thought you feel the same way as I do…” Georges voice was getting quitter when he felt your hand grabbing his. “I like you a lot and I get that you don’t feel the same way. So if youre coming here to explain that i-“

His words were cut off by your lips crashing to his. “You never let me speak Georgie”  You murmured against his lips “I don’t know how you got it all wrong” you kissed his cheek lightly. “I didn’t know you felt that way. George. I like you, im your person. Ive always been“

With a big smile he pulled in for another kiss. He held on to your waist pulling you closer to him, positioning you onto his lap. You threw your and around his neck, deepening the kiss whilst his hands lazily griped your waist.

You can feel something poking between the inner part of your legs. With a slight smile you press your legs more on to him, grinding it against him. Earning a low groan from him.

He held your hips down on him, so both of you can feel more of the friction. His lips travelled to your jaw and to the back of your neck. You could feel his hot breath, sending shivers down your spine as he moved his lips closer to your ears. “Prove it” OKAY SO Let me know if you want a part 2 smut off of this HAHAH.

hehe part 2

this was quite hard to write cos i feel bad for him ahaha. this is loosely based on a true story. but i never got my Y/N :’)

MY OTHER WORKS follow me / send request / talk to me! im lonely (if u send me anonymously maybe click here) my collaborative ford anglia playlist Christmas with the Weasley playlist

[voidselfshipp]

Meet The Family

Cw: self depriciation, food ment.

Ok to rb.

Summary: the iida family wants to meet the partner of their youngest kid, but said partner is not ready for It.

Song: "just the two of us " Bill withers and grover Washington.

Jerico paced around the room with her hands behind her back, mina stops her grabbing her shoulders-- its gonna be fine!-- adds the student.

--But what if they dont like me?! What if they want him to date someone else?

Uraraka softly pats her Friends back-- dont worry ! Theyll love you! Theyll see that youre a perfect match for their son!

-- but just-- I got nothing to wear! What if they go formal and I just-- jeri sits on her bed clutching a pillow-- what if I have nothing to wear!

They hear a soft knock before anyone can answer-- jerico? Is everything alright in there? Midoriya told me that youre not feeling well..-- said iida.

-- coming!-- she says opening the door peeking her head through it-- tenya...babe..I think we should cancel...-- she says looking away sighing-- I dont think im the right one to meet your family-- she said leaning on the doorframe crossing her arms.

-- whyd you say that jerico? Youre perfect!

--Im not! First of all im from another country!-- she says with tears in her eyes looking away-- im so loud I cant control my volume, I have nothing to wear and to top it all off I dont even get the same grades as you do --She looks at him and sniffs drying her tears with her sleeve-- I think we should call it off

Tenya hugs her tightly and buries his head on her hair-- please dont say that...-- he says with a strained tone-- youre perfect jerico, my family wont care if youre not from here-- he cups her cheek with a flushed face-- youre funny, Smart, youre absolutely beautiful-- he cups her other cheek squishing them-- grades dont define you, you, me or anyone! Grades are just numbers, they are a grading system, but outside? They dont matter-- he adds lowering his hands to her jaw caressing her cheekbones with his thumbs.-- its going to be fine, but I wont accept you talking yourself down--he puts a strand of hair behind her ear-- its okay if youre loud because I love you this way-- he kisses her softly and after some seconds he pulls away-- I wont let my family talk bad about you, in fact they know the best of you!-- he says hapilly-- howd you saved me with stain, howd you won against me in the festival, they see you as I see you, for the amazing woman you are

The silence is short before jerico sobs even harder hugging him-- youre so sweet!

He hugs her tightly with a soft smile, bending down a little-- I wont let anyone be mean to you, theyll deal with me first

She dries off her tears and presses a kiss to his cheek-- thank you

Tenyas cheek turn red, and he fixes his tie, before he says anything his reciproburst goes haywire and he runs past her mumbling nonsense. Making her laugh.

-- anyways... I gotta go now, midnight said shed take me to see some stuff to we-- she turns around to her Friends finding her in tears too.

-- you two are so sweet! -- adds mina.

-- so cute!-- adds uraraka.

Jiro nodds -- so cute!

She chuckled and grabbed her jacket-- gotta go!

As she walks with midnight and recovery girl, who decided to join them to go outfit hunting her teacher softy elbows her-- we'll find you something nice to wear! Youll see!

Jeri scratches the back of her neck knowing what midnight could get up to.

They searched all the stores they could and the dinner was fast approaching.

Jerico is feeling anxious now, recovery girl softly pats her back-- we can try there!-- she points at a suit store.

Midnight nodds-- yes, that could work!

Jeri trusting her teachers judgment follows them.

Iida Is tapping his foot waiting for jerico at the entrance of the UA. He looks around.

--where is she?-- he mutters scratching tbe back of his neck. He was fine with arriving late. His family wouldnt mind.

--Sorry! We couldnt find anything!!-- jerico comes in his field of view, his breath is taken away when he sees her in a suit, her hair tied up.

--oh...-- he mutters and both uraraka and midoriya hold him back, jiro and mina roll up his pants so recirpoburst doesnt rip them.

Jerico giggles and hugs him-- lets go yeah?

Tenya nodds and fixes his pants saying goodbye and getting in the car.

As they drive he hugs her tightly-- you look so beautiful -- he says caressing her arm.

--If I could help you pull out your tubes I can do this!

--Come on it wasnt that hard!

She raises a brow.

[....]

Even though tenya was ready to make such change he was an absolute baby.

--come on ten!-- she said.

--Its gonna hurt jerico!

-- thats why im here, come on

He sighs pulling out the first tube, Before he can scream she sits on his lap and kisses him.

He turns red and hugs her waist with one hand.

-- see? Not that hard!

He starts to giggle meekly-- well..if I get a kiss for each one...ill get twelve kisses

-- let me desinfect that for you

[....]

-- as I was saying, not that hard!-- tenya protested-- besides! ...oh hey we're here

He gets out first and helps her, he takes her hand, and walk into their home.

Taking off their shoes they walk in and are greeted with iidas mom, dad and his brother.

--tensei!--says iida hugging his brother-- I cant Belive youre here!

The ex hero smiles-- I I couldnt pass up the opportunity to meet my brothers partner, hi, im tensei

Jerico nodds-- im jerico, nice to met you tensei-- she bows.

Dinner arrives and as they eat, jerico is struggling with the chopsticks..

She scratches the back of her neck and tenya just hands her a fork and a Knife.

-- th thanks-- she adds embarassed eating her food.

-- dont be embarassed!!-- says tenyas mom-- he told us you arent fully used to chopsticks so we put a set for you!

Tenya also pulls out a fork and a Knife smiling.

Her cheeks turn Pink and she smiles softly eating with a content giggle.

--so-- starts tenyas dad-- our son has told us plenty about you but id rather hear about you from your own mouth

Jerico drinks water and looks at her father in law-- well, im originally from Argentina!, Im the oldest from four kids-- she says-- Im more into art than anything, I also play the guitar, what else would you like to know mr. Iida

Tenyas dad smiles-- well, I can only say that my son scored a winner

Jericos cheek flush red and tenya chokes on his drink blushing red-- dAD!

After dinner jeri helps pick up the table and wash the dishes.

--youre a very lovely girl, but I must ask-- says tenyas mother-- who confessed first?

Sighing in relief that it was only a simple question and not a "whats your intentions with my son" question she giggled-- I did

Tenya flushes even redder than before and grabs jerico walking outside saying --GOODBYE!

his family laughs, and tensei says something before they leave.-- jerico, take care of him for me-- he says patting her arm-- and please show him how to relax

She laughs hugging tensei-- I Will, dont worry!

She says her goodbyes and both go back to the UA.

jerico crashes ontop of tenya both in their comfy pjs.

He hugs her waist pulling her closer and smiling.

-- my family really loved you back there-- he says leaving down the formality.

--im glad--she answers-- maybe one day youll meet mine!

Tenya smiles-- dyou think theyll like me?

She nodds and holds his hand-- im sure theyll do

He smiles and kisses her forehead.

As they fall asleep, tenya humms "just the two of us "by Grover Washington.

《I see the crystal raindrops fall

And the beauty of it all

Is when the sun comes shining through

To make those rainbows in my mind

When I think of you sometime

And I wanna spend some time with you

Just the two of us

We can make it if we try

Just the two of us

(Just the two of us)

Just the two of us

Building castles in the sky

Just the two of us

You and I

We look for love, no time for tears

Wasted water's all that is

And it don't make no flowers grow

Good things might come to those who wait

Not for those who wait too late

We gotta go for all we know ...

Just the two of us

We can make it if we try

Just the two of us

(Just the two of us)

Just the two of us

Building them castles in the sky

Just the two of us

You and I 》

[comingtothetree23]

New Year New Me

Paring: Peter Parker x reader

Summary: Every year of High school is just the same and you thought Junior year was going to be the same, then Peter came into your life.

Warnings: oh, You know the usual. Swearing, My personal problems, all that jazz.

Word count: 3.7K

A/N: so uh, You’re getting a lot of me and my struggles in this fic. So, I’m sorry for that. I really am. I think we all need a Peter Parker.

It was a new school year at school, You walked down the halls of Midtown High you look around to see many students walking around you. You frowned as you tried seeing any of your friends which you didn't. You let out a sigh before looking for your first class. 

'Of course.' You thought to yourself as you sat yourself down in the new class. Your friends weren't in this class, you frowned as you stared at the desk. You tried not to look at the students around you as they sat down.

"Hello class, my name is Mrs. Smith. It's really nice to meet all of you, I am so excited about the new year and to get to know all of you, I'll do roll-call now..." You started to tune her out. Your eyes meet the classroom clock, already wondering when class is going to end. 

This year you're a junior and being honest, You feel like you're wasting your high school experience. You know that movie made it seem like the best thing ever but you never expected high school to be that great honestly. You just wanted to have nice friends and have fun but lately, you've been feeling really... lonely even with your friends. 

"(Y/n) (L/n)."

"Here." You said raising our hand a bit so they'll be able to see that you're here. The teacher smiles at you which you weakly returned. She wrote something down before continuing. 

You watch as Kids marked their presents here and frowned leaning your head against your hand. You silently wondered if you could make any new friends in your class. Don't get me wrong, your friends are great but... You don't know. You feel happy with them but they don't feel like your actual friends at times. It's weird. 

"Peter Parker." 

"H-Here." You hear the voice next to you speak. You turn to look at the boy and you gotta admit, He's cute. You observed him for a minute with a small smile, imagine being him being your friend. That sounds amazing. You two suddenly made eye contact making you look away quickly, after a minute or two you looked back to see him looking at his desk with a cute smile on his face. You turned back to look at the teacher with a shy smile on your face. 

Maybe this year will be different. 

"Now, talk with the student next to you and get to know them." Mrs. Smith states before sitting at their desk and kinda just watching to make sure you actually talked to your partner. You frowned as you leaned your head against the desk, you hated these. No one actually talks to each other! You jumped when you felt someone tap your shoulder.

"H-hey, I was uh wondering if you wanted to talk?" You looked up to see Peter looking at you. You smiled as he continued, "You don't have to if you don't want to it's just you looked like you didn't have anyone, that sounds mean I didn't mean to-" Your small laugh made him stop rambling.

"Y-yea, we could talk." You smile shyly as you move to face him, "I just uh- Don't know what to talk about." You give him an awkward smile, which he returned one of his own.

"Me neither," he says making you let out another laugh, which made him proudly smile. 

"Then this is going to be an awkward five minutes." You joked, causing Peter to laugh making you laugh with him. When you two calmed down you gave a small sigh, "Sooo, What are your hobbies?"

"Oh, Uh, I use to be apart of robotics lab but I had to drop out. I'm part of the Academic Decathlon with a couple of my friends."

"Academics Decathlon?" You ask looking at him with wonder before leaning your head on your hand with a chuckle, "I could never." 

"Why not?" He asked you, you closed your eyes and let out a humorlessly chuckle.

"I would suck at that so much I mean imagine me answering questions, can't. I'm not that smart, Peter." You shook your head with a smile before shaking your head, "Anyway continue." 

"I'm sure your smart." Peter said making you frown at him, you tilt your head in confusion, "I've seen you around before in a totally not stalker way and your smart, (Y/n)." You look at him for a moment before giving him a smile and looking at the floor.

"Thanks, Peter." 

"Anytime." Peter smiles before you two continue to talk throughout the whole class. That suddenly became one of your favorite classes, you could already tell. 

You tugged on the straps of your backpack nervously as you enter the lunch room, You searched around for your friends. You didn't really see them you walked around for a bit before sighing. Your shoulders drooped as you started to walk out of the cafeteria before you felt someone gently take your hand. 

"There you are, (Y/n)." You looked up to see Peter smiling at you and gently holding your hands, "I was looking for you." That shocked you but you smiled anyway.

"Really? You were looking for me?" You smile as Peter cheeks suddenly turned red and he avoided your eyes. 

"Uh Y-yea, I was looking for you. I wanted to know if you-uh wanted to sit with me and my friends?" He asked quickly and quietly but you stilled smiled at him. he finally looked at you when you nodded at him.

"Of course, that sounds amazing actually." You looked down with a shy smile before peter perked up and lead you to the table. That's where you met Ned and M.J. which honestly the best decision of your life. 

With them, you were able to geek out, talk about anything without being judged or yelled at. Another thing that was nice was they treated you like an equal, a friend. That's something you'll always appreciate. 

Over the next couple of weeks, You and Peter become closer as he and his friends are in a couple of your classes. It got to the point where you two practically lived at each other's houses. Not gonna lie, You were terrified when Peter first was coming over. thinking your room was either too messy or too childish? But oh boy! You were wrong, Peter loved your room for some reason but you loved his. 

"You got the homework for science?" You ask while doing homework on Peter's top bunk. You had to go to a meeting that class and no one gave you the homework yet. You were able to catch the Papers without looking up from your work, "Thanks." 

"Anytime." Peter smiles from his spot at his desk. This wasn't new anymore, at first when you two did homework together it was silent and honestly awkward but now you two were relaxed with each other. 

"Honestly I emailed her I was busy and she didn't even give me the homework," you grumbled as you wrote down some answers, or at least you hoped was the answers. 

"She's like that," Peter smirked before moving his head to dodge the ball of paper thrown his way.

"I know! But still!" You waved your arms around before going back to your work. Blowing hair out of your face. 

"Well, I think I'm done for now." Peter smile before moving the chair to face your direction as he smiled, "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Heck yes!!" You scrambled off the bed because Movie night also meant cuddle night and your life deepened on Peter's cuddles by this point in your life. Aunt May knew if it was Friday night and you were over you two would fall asleep cuddling each other, she was prepared with her phone now.

Her new favorite thing is to tease you two by showing you some of the photos. There was this one that you kinda love, You were passed out halfway off the arm part of the couch but Peter was holding you Spooning you to make sure you didn't fall off. What you loved most of it was that Peter's face was on your back and it was A D O R A B L E! You actually made it your phone lock screen which always makes Peter flustered when anyone sees it. 

That's exactly what happened this Friday night, You got your cuddles, Peter got his movie, May got her photos, Everybodys happy! 

As Homecoming was coming sooner and sooner people started asking more and more questions to you two.

"Are you two going together?"

"If you two go together that would be everything!" 

"How long have you two been dating? Wait, You arent!? You should." 

"Please go, that's all I ask." 

You two would just laugh it off before doing something chaotic. Rumors started flying around that you two are dating and when You and Peter debunked they started leaving you two alone. 

So a day before homecoming Peter asked if you two wanted to go as friends He hated that last part You of course said yes. You decided to change it up for junior year Homecoming and got yourself a dresses Freshman and Sophomore you would never but you actually like how it looks on you.

"She'll be out in just a minute." Your mother states before going to grab her phone, Yea she was taking pictures too. You can't escape them. You walked down your stairs and made eye contact with Peter, he was looking at you in awe.

"Heya Parker." You smirked as you now stood in front of him, He looked good in his Homecoming outfit, "Looking good." 

"Y-you too." He stuttered as he gave you his dorky smile, which you returned, "You look really nice." He repeated before closing his eyes with a cringe-making you laugh. 

"Picture time!" Your mother came in the room with her camera, making you roll your eyes, "Don't roll your eyes, Smile!" You wrapped your arms around Peter's neck for the picture, causing his smile to grow bigger and bigger the minute. Pictures were taken as you two were off to your Homecoming. 

Most of the time you and Peter stayed with your friends but at one point you looked at the dance floor before smirking and turning to Peter.

"Wanna dance?" You smirk as you nudge his shoulder, He looked over at you in shock before looking at the dance floor.

"I thought you couldn't dance?" He asked looking at you with sus eyes, making you nod understandably. You could be a little shit sometimes so yea you understand.

"I can't but we can try if you want." You shrug before turning away but Peter took your hand causing you to smile as you knew what was coming. BaD dAnCiNg!

You two laughed at each other as you two tried dancing, you two really couldn't dance to save your life! People around you was either annoyed you were in the way of their dancing or amused at you two together. 

Suddenly a slow song came up, making your laughs slowly stop. You two look around at the couples dancing together before looking at each other with a shrug. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist, making you shudder a little. You two followed the people around your pace and slowly moved side to side.

"This is awkward right?" You laugh lightly as you looked around the room to the other couples. You looked over and saw M.J. smirking at you causing you to subtly shake your head at her, causing her to nod at you.

"I don't know, kinda?" Peter shrugged making you laugh a little before resting your chin against Peter's shoulder while closing your eyes, "It's kinda nice." 

You let out a hum in agreement as you moved closer to the boy. Peter rested his chin on the top of your head. You two continue to move you smiled you breathed in his cologne, it actually wasn't that bad kinda smells good. You gotta admit Peter really did look good today, well he always looks good but today be tried more which defiantly worked. It was also kind of him to ask you to come. Your eyes opened wide as you realized something.

You liked Peter.

which how did you now know already, You always thought he was cute, always thought he was kind, but now when he's holding you in his arms it felt good. It felt right. That's how you finally realized you've fallen for Peter.

The next couple of months continued and it was pretty much the same expect you became more flustered and blushy around him. Apparently, you suck at hiding your feeling. Can toy imagine Peter as your boyfriend? That would be amazing but you knew it could never happen. He wouldn't think of you that way, he wouldn't think you would be pretty or kind enough to date. It was a nice thought tho.

"C'mon (Y/n). Please!" Peter begged as he followed you around your house. 

"No Peter I told you I won't be good at it." You crossed your arms as you started making food in the kitchen. Peter frowned as he sat on the table instead of the seats. 

"You don't know that for sure." Peter crossed his arms with a pout, making you blush before quickly continuing to make you and your friend food. 

"Yea I do, I'm not smart enough like you or ned or M.J. or..." You continued in thought as you grabbed two sodas before handing it to Peter which he gladly accepted.

"Do we have to talk again?" Peter crossed his arms as he raises a brow at you. You two had that talk of you being smart enough to join the Academic Decathlon but you always declined every time, "Can't you at least try? It'll be fun. We'll go to the practices with Ned and M.J., We'll go on field trips which are always fun."

"The last field trip you guys almost died at Washington." 

"well, Actually I wasn't there." Peter lied as you looked over at him confused, "I kinda ...ditched the class?" He explained to you causing you to stare at him in shock before shaking your head, chuckling.

"Peter Benjamin Parker skipping class. Shameful." You chuckled as you handed him his food, "Never thought I'd see the day," You smiled as you sit next to him.

"Leave me alone." He mumbled before biting into the sandwich. He suddenly looked up saying, "Hey waitaminute, Don't change the subject! You should join!" 

"If I say I'll think about it will you leave me alone?" You rolled your eyes at the boy, this has been going on for months. 

"For now, yes." 

"Then I'll think about it." Peter smiled at you before nodding, You stare at him for a moment longer before taking another bite. You might join just to see his smile. 

So after a few more times of Peter conniving you, you joined. Which you gotta admit it was kinda fun, you didn't know all the answers at first but now Peter helps you with it and you slowly know more and more.

But you regret it so much right now.

"Why'd you do this to me." you whimpered out as you two sat next to each other at the competition. They decided to let you do it since you seemed to be learning the hang on it but now you felt like you would throw up.

 "C'mon you got this." Peter smiled and gave you a thumbs up before frowning. Under the table, he took your hand and held it, "I'm being serious (Y/n), you got this. Now let's get started." He shook your hand a little before it started.

After a couple of rounds, you and the other team were tied which made you even more nervous since you didn't even answer one question yet. 

" What sorts of signals does the brain use to communicate sensations, thoughts and actions?"

Your eyes widen as you remembered the question, you looked at your team to see them struggling to remember before looking at the other team to see one of them about to push the button. You frown before slamming the button.

"Midtown high?" You closed your eyes before letting out a nervous sigh and gives a smile.

"The single cells in the brain communicate through electrical and chemical signals?" You closed your eyes as you waited for their response, You felt Peter's hand tighten around yours.

"That is...correct! Midtown wins!" Your team stands up cheering and screaming jumping around as you laugh. The team gave you a big hug as they cheered before Peter laughed and picked you up and spun you around.

"I knew you could do it!" He yelled before he puts you down smirking at you, "Didn't I say you'd be great?" 

"Hey, calm down tiger. It was one question." You held up one finger, causing Peter to roll his eyes before pushing your hand down.

"One question that got us to win." Peter gently punched your shoulder, "You shouldn't be proud we won. Now put your jacket on!" You give him a confused look before you felt fabric being placed around your shoulders. You look to see the same yellow jacket everyone else was wearing which made your smile even bigger.

"My own jacket?" You looked up at Peter was bright joyful eyes making him chuckle.

"You were supposed to wear it during this but oh well. I guess no one told you." He smirked as you blushed out fo embarrassment before punching his shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me!?" peter laughed before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and leading you back to your team. Which gave you another big hug making you hug them back laughing.

Peter's arm never left your shoulder that day, not that you minded.

After that day and Homecoming, Peter started to high-key ship you two. They even came up with a ship name. You found that part after one of your old friends texted you about it, making you confused.

"Hey, you know we have a ship name now?" You brought it up once, You two were studying in the library but you two stayed close. too close for some people but you two didn't care. You had your feet in his lap while you leaned back in your seat reading a book.

"Wait really?" Peter asked as he closed his book and looked toward you, "We have a ship name?" 

"Yea, it's (Ship name)." 

"T-that's crazy." Peter sighed before running his hands through his hair, making you look at him confused. he did that when he's nervous or stresses.

"You alright there?"

"Y-yeah, it's nothing," Peter says before going back to work. You stared at him confused and worried, maybe he didn't like you that like. Who are you kidding of course he doesn't your just....you.

How could he want you? 

Those thoughts started coming up more and more as you hung out with Peter and the others. The year is going through fast actually, your like 3 months until it's over. Time moves fast.

You frowned as you lied in bed in your room, you were on your phone before placing it down. You feel lonely right now which is silly, you were with your friends yesterday. You shouldn't feel lonely. Thing's have been a little different with Peter, you didn't know what but you would tell. Which hurt your heart but you never asked about it.

You sat up from your bed as you heard a knock on your window, You frowned before going up ad opening it. You look to see Peter standing there with glassy eyes making you frown. 

"Hey, hey, hey What's wrong." You walked up to him and cupped his cheeks making him look at you, "Are you okay?"  Peter's brown eyes met yours as he stared at you before sniffling.

"I just really miss him." Peter whimpered out making you confused but you didn't ask him about it. He needed comfort and that's what he's getting like it or not.

"It's fine, we all miss people it's completely normal. " You rub your thumb against the tears, "I'm sorry I don't really know how to comfort people. I just don't want to see you sad. I care too much about you." Peter stared at you for a minute before quickly giving you a peck on the lips. he pulled away and covered his face as he realized what he did.

"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to- I didn't think. I'm making things worst." Peter continued to ramble as you stare ahead frozen and blushing hard. You shook your head before smiling at Peter and taking his hands away from his face.

"Hey Pete, it's fine. I liked it." You smile as his eyes widen as he thinks about what you said.

"Y-you liked it?" He looked up at you with so much hope it would be cruel to joke around with him.

"Yes, I did." 

"Can I?" Peter asks as he sits up and your faces are inches apart. You nodded once and that was all he needed before cupping your cheeks and placing his lips on yours. You grab his wrist as you kiss him back, you've been waiting months for this moment and it was finally happening! You couldn't believe it.

...He actually liked you. 

"I've been meaning to tell you for so long." Peter breathed once you two broke apart, "I've wanted to tell you that I love you so much. You're so smart, pretty, amazing and I would be lucky to date you." That caught you off guard before you smile at him. 

"You're lucky to date me? I'm lucky to date you!" You smile as you give his neck a good kiss causing him to let out a small adorable giggle, "You feel better now?" 

"Better than ever." Peter smile before leaning back on your bed, you smile as you cuddle your face in his chest as he wraps his arms around you, "I'm so lucky." he closes his eyes as you stared at his face. You smile as you close your eyes.

"You're everything I ever wanted, Peter Parker." 

[nabooarchived]

Anonymous said: hi i was the one that asked whether youre hard of hearing. there was a reason, hence the follow up (which i think people are allowed to do, anons arent inherently rude) anyway! I had seen a post like 2 years back regarding how to write hard if hearing or deaf characters. It mentioned something about how saying they read lips is a no no ? Idk, something to look into! Just a heads up. 😌

       hey there again! there’s nothing wrong with asking about this sort of thing as its something thats genuinely good to talk about, the only real anxiety inducing thing about receiving these sorts of messages is the anonymity of it. i’d feel a lot more comfortable talking about it when i know who it’s coming from or when it’s an actual conversation i can hold with someone with a proper back and forth discussion. but you have your reasons for staying anonymous and i trust that your intentions are harmless, just very scary for me seeing the rpc’s history with callout posts❤

       it would be super insightful to have a link if you have one, i’ll try to do my own scouring to do my own research. however not everyone’s disabilities are the exact same, as everyone has different needs and experiences. theres two reasons as to why i have symphony read lips, the main one being, to put it bluntly, my deaf father is able to read lips 🤷‍♀️ he grew up in poverty in el salvador so he unfortunately didn’t have the luxury of having a hearing aid growing up, so he had to make due with sign language and he somehow learned how to read lips. obviously there’s some caveats to this, like he can only understand when someone is speaking spanish lol and even then he struggles with different spanish dialects. he can also better understand some people over others, like close family and even then he misses some words so he much prefers sign. it hasn’t been much of an issue the past couple of years since he’s gotten a hearing aid, but it’s still a skill he has. reason number two is, if i’m being honest, the convenience. i can definitely see how problematic that may seem at a glance. but seeing as we’re a bunch of nerds writing about space wizards that in one film featured a blind man taking on a whole group of stormtroopers by himself, it doesn’t seem impossible to find a hearing impaired individual with the ability to read lips since, you know, i happen to live with one 🧍‍♀️ and even then half my threads involve symphony having a translating handmaiden with her or even my WRITING PARTNER’S MUSE signing to symphony because they are awesome and i love them. so take that as you will

       obviously you shouldn’t go around expecting every deaf person you happen to interact with to read your lips bc thats stupid and shitty. my father’s needs and experiences don’t mirror every person that is hearing impaired. i’d like to think that he’s pretty unique and i love him :) thats not to say i wont take advice or suggestions on things i could be doing better, i would just rather do that off anon :)

[justash02]

Txt reaction;

To you feeding them for the first time~

Requests; are open! Please let me know if you have a request :)

Find all my k-pop work here -> masterlist

A/n: omg I just got my eternity album and I pulled a Tae card :0

*^*^*

Yeonjun;

he didn’t think much of it, he was used to getting fed by his friend, but started to feel embarrassed when his friend teased him about it.

*^*^*

They were filming a new MV so you thought you would be the understanding and caring partner you are and bring them some crispy chicken. When you walked in you were greeted by your very hunger boyfriend.

He softly pecked your cheek before grabbing the bag of food out of your hands and ran over to the rest, giggling.

You laughed at how silly he was acting as he started humming, nubbling onto his food. You walked over him and grabbed one of the chicken pieces, he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me onto his lap.

You felt your stomach explode with butterflies as he did, you’ve only been dating for a month now so it’s was all new for the two of us. You noticed that you’ve been holding the piece of chicken of a while now and that it was getting slightly cold.

You reached over to your boyfriend and fed him the chicken, he looked into your eyes as he took a bite, you felt speechless as you felt his eyes on you, he looked so good with his eye make up-

When you saw that Jun was about to say something the rest of the boys started whistle, praising Yeonjun. You saw his face turn as red as yours. He quickly hid his face into your shirt making you blush even more.

“Aish, such a dork.”

*^*^*

Soobin;

he thought it was cute, he loved getting babied like that and when you fed him he felt like he would melt right on the spot

*^*^*

You were out eating with him because the two of you just finished your last exam of this year and you both did really well, you did well because of him.

Your teacher told you you needed help with math so he asked you if you knew someone who could help you. And your mind immediately went to you incredible smart boyfriend.

Because of him you passed so you wanted to get him a nice surprise, you didn’t tell him what you were gonna do so when you both were done with school you took him to a restaurant where you had been before.

“Do they have Tteokbokki?” Was the first thing he said, you laughed and nodded, you grabbed his hand and walked inside. The woman working there remembered you from your earlier visits so she got you a nice seat for you and your boyfriend.

You went to sit in front of him but he stopped you, “Sit next to me, jagi.” You smiled brightly before doing what he asked, as soon as you did he placed his hands onto your thigh and started making the food.

You felt butterflies in your stomach as he did, you intertwined your fingers together before bring his hand up to your lips, kissing it gently.

He looked over at you, blushing before smiling brightly. Soon was done making the Tteokbokki and took the chopsticks in his hand.

He started stuffing his face with the small rice cakes making you smile, you looked around the room seeing a couple sitting across from you.

The girl leaned over to her boyfriend and fed him a rice cake before sharing a cute kiss, I looked over at soobin before smiling, you reached over to the pan and took a rice cake in between your chopsticks.

You hesitated before raising the ricecake close to soobins mouth, he looks at the ricecake before biting it off. You felt a smile grow on your lips as he did, He blushed a deep red as he looked back at you.

He leaned down and gently pecked my lips, “thank you jagi.” He whispered.

*^*^*

Beomgyu;

When he saw you give soobin a bite he got jealous and decided to make you flustered in the best way possible.

*^*^*

He called you when you were just about to have lunch, you sighed as you put everything back into the frigde and made your way over bighit.

On your way there you decide to just get some food because you were starving and you felt awkward if you had to eat their food that the staff had bought for them.

You soon got to bighit after you had picked up your bread and walked inside, “Hey Y/n!” Kai yelled as he came running at you with full speed, you laughed as he hugged you shortly, “hey, is that bread-“

“Bread?!” You heard the leader say as he got up from the couch and ran over to you, “Can I please have a bite, Y/n/n?” He said with puppy eyes. You smiled and nodded before reaching higher up to soobin since he’s such a freaking giant.

Soobin took a bite out of it and started dancing happily before returning to his seat to get his make up touched up, before you could ask how Kai’s day was you felt two arms wrap themselfs around your waist.

A mop of blond hair came into sight as you felt a head rest onto your shoulder, “You’re gonna feed Soobin Hyung but not me?” Your boyfriend asked with a pout, you looked down and smiled at how cute he was acting.

You turned around in his grip and went to feed him but he grabbed the bread from you, ‘Ok?’ You thought as he saw his rip off a piece, a big piece at that.

He smirked before making you take a bite, you frowned but did as he wanted because.. well, he’s beomgyu. But as soon as you did he leaned down and also took a bite making your lips brush against each other.

You quickly covered up your red face making beomgyu smirk even more, “I’m going to be only one you feed, baby.” He whispered as he softly pecked your cheeks before leaving, leaving you a flustered mess.

*^*^*

Taehyun;

(A/n: ok so I couldn’t find a Taehyun eating gif so... here’s him drinking)

He wouldn’t think he would like it so he never brought it up, but when you wanted to try he knew he couldn’t get you to change your mind about it.

*^*^*

Tae never seemed to have time anymore, you felt sad that even after months you didn’t get used to him being an idol.

Tae saw this, he felt bad and decided to surprise you with a movie night with loads of nice food. As he brought you in he saw the way your eyes lit up with pure happiness making him melt right on the spot.

You two were having a movie night and you decided to watch a drama together, you two were cuddling up on the couch as the doorbell rang.

Taehyun was about to stand up but you were quicker as you raced over to the door, Tae felt himself smile at your childish behavior, he could take it well from you.

He watched you waddle back to the couch and place the bag of food into the table, he softly pecked your cheek before unwrapping everything out of the box.

He handed over you plate of sushi and sat back watching the drama, later into the drama he watched as the female lead was acting cute with the male lead by feeding each other.

Tae silently gagged into his mind as he made a disgusted face, he didn’t see the need to be all lovey dovey, like yeah, he liked kisses and cuddles but somethings just go over the top.

You smirked at your boyfriend but he didn’t seem to notice, he was too busy making a disgusted face. You grabbed the sushi and reached over to him.

“Oppa~” he shot you a look making you almost run away. Woah, okay... you pouted before shaking you hand a little making him notice the sushi.

“No.” Was his only answer, “Pleaseee~ I promise I’ll never bother you again! I just wanna know what it’s like.” You whined at him, he sighed deeply before looking at you.

He felt his heart starting to beat faster but he didn’t understand why, was he nervous? Did he secretly like that you wanted to feed him- no, he would never, right?

He rolled his eyes before letting you feed him the sushi, he felt his whole face burn like it was on fire as you happily did you happy dance.

“Aish... stop it you, punk.” He said flustered as he hid his face in his hands, maybe he doenst hate it that much.

*^*^*

Kai;

Like soobin he loves being babied by you, he felt loved when you did and would never stop you from feeding him, even if it’s just sharing your lolly pop.

*^*^*

“Kai! Can we get this one?” You said as you pointed to a cherry lolly pop, Kai looked over at the price before grabbing into his pocket, “I only have enough for one.” He said.

You pouted, you forgot your card and Kai gave his to soobin who ran off with the rest of the boys, “it’s fine. we can share, right?” You felt your face burn as you thought about it, it would be like having a indirect kiss-

“Hello? Earth to Y/n?” Kai said as he waved his hands in front of your face, “Come on, we’ve done that countless of time before starting to date, isn’t it suppose to be normale now?” He asked as he walked over to the cashier pulling you with him.

“Have a nice day.” The girl told us, we both bow before walking back outside, “Here.” He said as he wanted over to lolly pop, you tried to open it before couldn’t, you scrunched up your nose making Kai smiling lovingly at you. God you were perfect...

He smiled as he gently took the lolly from you and opened it up without struggling, your mouth fell open at this making him laugh, “You only got that because I loosened it up for uou.”

“Sure, babe.” He popped the lolly into his mouth, soon he pulled it back out and handed it over to you, “yah, arent I suppose to be the only flustered?”

[iamsonyeondone]

red string of fate // lee taeyong

college and soulmate au! taeyong

there’s no angst in this just fluff ^^

everyone had their own red string of fate

one end tied to your pinky while the other end belonged to your soulmate

everything had been decided by that famous red string, each individual being presented with it when they reached of legal age

but no one knows where all this originated from or whoever made it up

all they knew was that the red string tied securely on their pinky will never untie, break or disappear 

unless either partners went through certain circumstances

of course everyone fawned over this magical occurrence, it being the first topic that any human would speak of

it was always ‘red string’ this or ‘fate’ that

and it made you grow tired of it by the time you graduated from high school

and that annoyance that lingered whenever someone would mention it slowly turned into anger, fueled by the incessant questions that flood your thoughts and ears every day

‘you havent had a red string yet?” or the ‘arent you scared of being alone?’

the first time you heard those questions made you fidget with worry in the beginning

and you subconsciously comforted yourself with the idea that your fate would come to you when the time was right

no one can rush something such as being destined-to-be-soulmates

but the questions doubled over and you learnt how to selectively mute their words

but that was all in the pass

the moment you saw the red string appear on your pinky you went speechless for the entire day

you had no idea how to feel or how to react because after all these years, the pesky red string finally appeared before your eyes

you even tried cutting it with a pair of kitchen scissors

let’s just say you almost lost your life from flying kitchen equipment and that the red string remained unscathed

Once you got over the phenomenon, you called up your best friend to break the news to

but you were only met with the sound of the familiar beeping

yep he hung up the moment you told him the news

because in the next five minutes, you find yuta and johnny huffing and puffing on your doormat, sweat trickling down their skin

“its,,,time,,t,to,,celebrate” yuta managed a little smile before crawling into your apartment, welcoming the cool air of the ac

for the next few hours, the three of you ramble on about the new found miracle while they explained their own experience when they found out about their own path to their destined lover

“i really thought you would end up as a cat or dog lady,” johnny said in between bites, all of you deciding to have a pizza party as a celebration

“hEY, being a crazy cat lady aint that bad,,,wait now that you said about being a dog lady,,,”

“istg y/n you take care of yourself first before actually getting one. i mean look at you, you’re still wearing the same outfit from yesterday”

“SHUT IT NAKAMOTO SAVE WATER SAVE THE EARTH”

the next few weeks, you struggle trying to focus in your lectures, your gaze always focusing the vibrant red on your smallest finger

and you cant help but try to see if you could find ‘the one’ by looking for the owner of the other end of the string

you were intensely watching the crowd from inside the campus’s cafe, sipping on your drink while you looked for someone

but it was funny; you had no idea how this person looked or how they acted but somehow your heart is pounding in your ears just by the thought

but you were brought back to the present by the waiter, he looked pretty familiar

was he in one of your lectures?

maybe you bumped into each other at a party

“you’re y/n right? that guy in the corner bought you a muffin,” he smiled sweetly

you glanced back up at his name tag. ‘kun’? oH you saw him at the bar performing magic tricks when his group of friends joined yours

“oh y-yeah,, thanks kun,” you reciprocated his smile before turning your attention back on the man in question

you’ve never seen him before but you were sure to steer clear from the guy

he had this smug smirk plastered on his face, shooting a wink your way as you awkwardly glanced away

even after an hour or so, you could feel his eyes staring right through your skull

that was until johnny slides down on the seat opposite yours, breaking his stares 

“that test nearly annihilated all my braincells,” he sighed and just as he was about to rant about the way the test was squeezing out all his brain juices, he takes a glimpse of you and his big brother ways rise up

“what’s up? something happened?” he asked in a reassuring but soft tone and the pressure on your shoulders lessen

“its nothing,,,” you trailed off, but his eyes nudged you to go on “there’s this sleazy creep trying to hit on me but you better not beat his ass. can we just,, can we just leave? i know a better spot anyway,” you mumbled everything in one breath

and johnny respected your decision albeit the strong urge to use his new found knowledge of muay thai on someone else

the both of you hurry out, johnny watching your back for you while the doorbell rang 

“damn i didnt know sleazy douchebags go to cafes too,” johnny joked to lighten the mood while the both of you walked through campus, students littering the school with tired and panicked expressions

somehow the heavy feeling in your chest seemed to find comfort in the bottom of your heart

and the thumping of your loud heart blocked out whatever johnny was talking about

maybe something about his muay thai class with haechan? he did mention how much he enjoyed it. or was it about his project for the photography club?

you were so stuck in your thoughts that johnny had already stopped in his tracks while you continued walking through the groups of students

and suddenly the loud beating of your heart escalated to your fidgety fingers and your almost sure your cheeks are softly stained red

that is until you bump your head onto something

or someone

and when you try to profusely apologize for being unaware of the person’s presence

your jaw drops at the sight of someone so beautiful you thought he was fiction

did you get a concussion and now you were hallucinating things???

noPE because the next thing that happens is the slight tugging sensation on your finger and you look down to it in confusion

you wonder when the string became so short or how it no longer dragged on concrete pavements,,

or how you could see someone else being connected on the other end

and you traced the other finger to see the gorgeous man right in front of you

you were definitely dreaming because is it even possible to be paired with someone who’s so out of your league?

apparently your soulmate agrees

because he’s flabbergasted himself, mouth gaping and struggling to come up with words to greet himself

because the both of you were too preoccupied with each other, johnny had to intercept

wingman johnathan to the rescue

“hey whats up taeyong? havent seen you around school lately,” he chuckled, breaking you out of your thoughts

“wait,,, you know him? u-h i mean-”

“yeah he came to the photography club from time to time to help ten annnnd speaking of ten, he called me like a minute ago asking for some help. maybe you can replace me for today’s study date, taeyong,”

you managed to get a glance of johnny’s sly smile before he jogged off to one of the school buildings

which was definitely not the direction of the photography club

but you were stopped from staring into his soul by the sound of taeyong clearing his throat

“you dont mind if i uhm tag along right?” and you swoon at the sound of his voice

somehow your blush had already reached the tips of your ears and you nervously nodded your head in reply

“theres this place where me and my friends go to to study and its not that far. you dont mind the outdoors right?” you mumbled the question

taeyong managed a small smile which elicits a smile from yourself as well

the next few hours of studying in the school’s garden goes by in a flash

the both of you get immersed in each other’s thoughts and opinions and even though your personalities and your likes or dislikes clash with each other

it just seemed so perfect

maybe this string of fate was making you wear a pair of rose-tinted glasses

because you barely know this guy 

and yet it felt like you’ve known him for years

days past and one study session turned into four and somehow your friend group extended as well

doyoung would drop by every once in a while and if it werent for taeyong’s presence, you would have definitely only see him as someone cold and overwhelming

or the fact that taeyong drops by the neighboring high school to see his ‘younger brothers’ because he had extra leftover from his cooking class 

cue heart pounding, happy crying, loud screaming moment because he’s so husband material

sometimes they like to tease him because what??? we have 2 parents now??

and you can see him get so flustered over the statement because getting married to you sounds like a dream

and when taeyong officially asks you out and you very calmly say yes, it becomes the most talked about relationship on campus

he had already been the top three talked about topic in school but when someone spots him with you, holding hands through the hallway, the news spread like wildfire

and for a whole week, you get bombarded with questions from random strangers about how its like to date taeyong

and you cant really give an answer because you start blushing furiously at the question and you start stammering 

and by the time you get a few words out, five minutes already passed the person who had asked you about it had already disappeared somewhere else

because what is it like to date lee taeyong?

aside from the fact that your boyfriend was sculpted carefully by the gods,,

he is one of the softest person you know

he feeds the cats and dogs on the street when you go out on dates because he has actual kibble for them in his bagpack because human food arent good for them he says

and the way he cuddles up to you when he sleeps over because the two of you cant seem to say farewell after a whole day out

taeyong is really sensitive to the cold so when autumn starts creeping up, he gets as close to you as possible which meant cuddling hours all day round

except in front of people because he’s too shy for pda

because one time he planted a soft kiss on your cheek at your apartment door and the old lady that lived a few doors down had seen the both of you and she talked about how she missed those days of being young in love

and he started malfunctioning because he became so embarrassed by it even though the old lady meant no harm at all

can we also talk about how much he spoils you? even the boys agree that he spoils you the most

chenle aka his biggest fan is jealous that you get to hear him hum you to sleep

“i know we adopted you as our parental figure but please stop stealing him from us, we’re starting to starve,” haechan complained 

“oh really?? what about,, this” and you present the lunchboxes you and taeyong made because you decided to join him 

like you’re really motivated to cook for him because he’s done so much for you??

now the boys just love you even more

because they know you’re not just after his looks especially since taeyong is really too kind for his own good

and what’s taeyong’s feelings for you?

he cant describe how much his feelings for you have escalated 

because one moment he feels so comfortable with you, sleeping with his head on your lap while you attempt to read through your notes

and another moment his heart is beating so fast from being so close to you because the lift is crowded with people and he tries to shield you away from the others

and most of the time when you’re in full focused mode, he chuckles and his heart feels like there’s flowers blooming in his chest from the way your antics naturally show up

or the way he tries to wake up a few minutes earlier so he can bask in the moment with you in his arms while he brushes the stray strands of hair on your face

and its just,,, the purest form of love

“you dont look so good, have you been overworking yourself again?” you huff worriedly, pressing the back of your hand gently on his face while yours was just inches away from his

and he takes a moment to stare back into your eyes, a small smile growing on his lips

“am i sick? maybe that’s because all i think about is you,”

a/n: oh what im updating??? okay im just gonna say this first that this will not be happening regularly due to my schedule and i only try to write when im really inspired and motivated which is like every 6 months im so sorry but i hope you guys like this one and i’ll try my best in the future ❤

[brynwrites]

Ask Compilation

Topics covered:

Pearl things! (Thanks you~)

How the mighty fall in love

Leaving your love behind

Writing characters with trust issues

When someone won’t accept your feedback

All other questions should be listed on the ask queue page, which the exception of one character related ask from @christinawritesfiction.

Pearl Things.

@bargainpopsicle said: Im so excited to be able to get the hard copy of Pearl!! Ive slowly but surely trying to work in some LGBTQ+ books with great stories to my book club (symptoms of being human, let's talk about love, simon vs the homo sapiens agenda, etc etf) but there really arent a lot of trans (specificially nonbinary) main characters in books, and I thank you for providing that. I'll most definitely be recommending the book to the club as soon as I get the chance!  

@spacedust-lion​ said: Hey, as I finally got around to reading Pearl's first chapter, I must say... that I'm in love with it! Just... Dejean and Simone's interactions, Perle's rightful distrust of the two humans, the idea of those human-eating sirens (which do seem really interesting at this point), everything makes me want to learn more about this world and its characters! I can't wait for the release the full book! (I've been a pretty silent follower up until now, but I couldn't leave it at just like this time) 

AWW THANK YOU BOTH!! <3 I’m so glad you guys are enjoying Pearl. I had such an amazing time working on it, and I’m really excited to share the rest soon!

[For anyone new to the party, Pearl is my soft steampunk novel due to be released summer 2018. You can read the first chapter here.]

How The Mighty Fall In Love.

Anon asked: I was wondering if you could help me with something about my character. She is very powerful and loves her powers so much. But at the end she falls in love with a mortal and I had people suggesting it would be good if she gave up her powers to be with him but I think it's out of character... What do you think?

You have to do what you feel is best for you story. It sounds like giving up her powers would be a good point of character development, which is probably why people are suggesting it. Forcing her to choose between keeping her powers or being with this mortal (via the plot, not through the mortal giving her an ultimatum) is one possible way she could demonstrate that she loves this mortal more than she loves her powers. But it’s not the only option. 

Maybe...

She doesn’t learn to put aside her power, and ends up sliding into a clear path toward destruction.

She doesn’t learn to put aside her power, and her love is hurt, but chooses to stay with her anyway.

She’s willing to put aside her power for the mortal if she absolutely has to, but she believes that her power is also important (either to her identity or because it allows her to do important things, etc) and she grows as a person by learning that sometimes you have to fight for everything you love, and through this finds a way to keep both her power and the mortal.

Her powers and her love for them is just a seamless part of her that isn’t shown to be good or bad, and her character development involves an entirely different trait.

Leaving love.

Anon asked: Can I ask if you know what conditions people are likely to leave in? I'm writing a mystery sort of novel and after the main issue is resolved, I want one of the two partners to leave (not die) the other. But I need a reason for them to because they're pretty in love with their SO, I feel like it would be too abrupt? I'm thinking corruption from a higher up could be plausible but I'm unsure,,,

Honestly, there are too many conditions to even begin to count. Try brainstorming the reasons you might leave someone you love, reasons people you know have left someone, reasons your favorite fictional characters have left someone, etc, and once you have a nice long list, see how you can alter each of those reasons to fit with your mystery novel’s plot and characters.

You can make anything plausible if you weave it into the plot well enough. Give signs early on the The Reason might be an issue, or that one of the characters is secretly struggling with it.

Writing Characters with Trust issues.

Anon asked: hi, i love your blog! not sure if you have answered this already, but if you have time i was wondering if you have any tips towards writing a character with severe trust issues? i want them to have a backstory that makes sense (why they have trust issues to begin with/what caused it) but i'm worried i'll make it too cliche or over-the-top. any thoughts or suggestions? i understand if youre busy! have a nice day

In my personal opinion, a character shouldn’t have to have some tragic explanation for their problems. Real people often have things like trust issues simply because their trust was betrayed in little ways over a long period of time, or because they never learned to work through the issue the first time it happened and have created for themselves a self-fulfilling prophecy.

However, many readers are accustomed to having negative emotions and traits supported by some incredibly tragic piece of backstory, so without it, it might be a bit harder to convince everyone your character’s trust issues are warranted. 

Try to show these trust issues front and center in the character’s life. What emotions does it bring up? How does it effect little, everyday choices? What does the character think about their own trust issues; (do they realize they have them, or do they justify them, or are they oblivious?)

Don’t rely on internal monologue (“wahhh everyone betrays me”) if you can demonstrate it through unreliable narration (”I can’t meet with Pam for lunch, she’s just trying to sell me her art”) or action (over-reminding the barista that it’s the blueberry scone because they were given a lemon one once three years ago and don’t trust this coffee shop anymore.)

When someone won’t accept your feedback.

Anon asked: Hello! I've been working with someone as their beta, and while they've requested that I help them with their blind spots, I've been having difficulty explaining to them not only what their blind spots are but also how to develop them into strengths - they flatly don't believe they're actually as inexperienced as they are in those given areas. Do you have any ideas on how to explain things, please? I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job as a beta.

If you haven’t already, you should check out this post on giving good critique! Some other things to keep in mind:

Some writers don’t actually want to face their flaws (even if they say they do.) There’s nothing we can do about that, and in those cases sometimes it’s just best to quietly step away.

Many writers need time to process through the fact that the thing they thought they’d done well is actually not great after all. (I can’t count how many times I’ve wanted to snap at someone for daring to point out something that obviously wasn’t an issue in my writing, only to come back a few hours or days later and realize what they said was right, and I can see the signs of it clear as day.)

Sometimes writers who are very far beneath your skill level in a certain area need to be giving simpler things to fix. Make sure the things you point out are manageable for their skill level in that area. Even if they can’t see the whole picture of how much they have to grow, small movement in the right direction will get them closer to where they eventually need to be.

[girls-lockerr-room-blog]

Yandam, a sexy love story

It was a hot summer day, i was walking along the school hallways and saw the love of my life, Adam Smith. An anorexic school shooter who i adore, he has deep brow hair that’s as smooth as chocolate, and an intense but loving dull and dirty brown stare. oh how much i want to see those eyes submit under my complete control, and to see his soft lips drip in my juices. his open toed sandals make my legs tremble. his bony bulimic fingers, oh how i want them deep inside my little members little hole. i had never had a very large penis, but god, after seeing the imprint of his own cock in those light grey sweats, i grew a few. “hey Ry- guy, whats up?” he said as he looked me deep in my soul. “o-o-oh hey Adam, how are things?” i shakily asked. “things are okay, grace and i arent doing too well.” he mumbled as his eyes trail down to his hairy toes. “i’m so sorry...”  i say, rubbing his shoulders in a seductive matter. “ its whatever, never liked her too much anyway. hey, by the way do you have a partner for the history project” he asked me. “no i don’t. why, are you looking for one?” “i am,” he continued. “do you wanna be mine?” i quivered at those words, wishing for them to be repeated over and over again. “yeah!” i squealed. “uh- i mean, yeah sure. that would be rad. wanna come over to my place?” i said, trying not to loose my cool. “sure, see you at six, ill bring the dope.” he smiled that big bright smile with those slightly piss yellow stained teeth that i loved. i waved goodbye and hitched it to the bathroom. i opened my phone straight away and went directly to his facebook. “Adam Smith” i typed into the search bar. “Fuck!” i groaned, seeing that the school WiFi wouldn't let me connect. i sit back onto the toilet seat and sigh, cock still throbbing in my hands, unsure of what to do. just as i was trying to push down my raging boner, i heard the door open. scared of who was inside, i looked through the crack. “Adam!” i whispered to myself in excitement. i peered out as saw him go to the mirror. it looked like he had gotten something in his eye. as he bent over to get a closer look, i caught of glimpse of those tight cheeks. then, as if i wasn't hard enough, he pulled up his shirt to reveal his sexy rib cage, visible through his porcelain skin. he was focused on a strange red mark that decorated his little tummy. however, i wasn't paying too much attention to that. seeing him almost shirtless was enough to make me shoot my silky white gravy. i cleaned myself up once he left and finished my last two periods. i want home and prepared myself for some fun with the boy of my dreams. once it reached 5 past six, i heard a door bell chime and rushed down to answer the door. “hey skeleman.” i joked. “hey fry guy.” he responded wittily. he stepped inside and kicked off his sandals, a fine gentleman if i do say so myself. i walked up next to the slightly taller than average man-child and lead him to my living room. “my parents arent home, so we can kinda do whatever.” i mumbled. “wicked,” he said, pulling out marijuana. “i got the goods.” he laughed and plopped himself on my sofa. i did the same, a little too close to him though. “Are you ticklish?” i asked. “i am, wh-” i didn't give him a chance to finish before i attacked his pits. he bursts into laughter and flails his arms around, but to no avail. I am just too strong for the small, frail boy. I eventually found myself hovering over him in a suggestive manner. but after a few seconds i got off due to the awkwardness. “s-sorry..” I blushed and moved over. i laughed it off and asked “You want pizza? i jacked a 20 off my dumbass dad.” he answered with a nod. 30 minutes later, we were eating pizza and watching a Ron Jeremy film, no work getting done on your project. i felt my pants grow tighter as glanced over at the cutie. i leaned over and put my arm around him. “no homo” i whispered in his waxy ears. he laughed and rested his head on my shoulder. “no homo” he responded softly. i saw him drift off to sleep on my broad and muscular shoulders. i smiled and carried his small frame to my bedroom and planted him on my queen mattress. lay awake and all i can think of is his sweet smile and him doing unspeakable things to me. i cant take it anymore. i want him. i need him. i yank the covers off his body and go down to his toes, licking them with great skill. i moan softly into his feet and dig into his ankles with my finger nails. he hadn't awoke though, which i was anticipating.  so i went a little further. i crawled up to just below his pelvis. the aroma of his man flute seeping through his underwear makes me harder than ive ever been. he hasn't washed in days, my favorite. i saw his sweet kind eyes flutter open and i peered into them with a lustful glare. his eyes widen as he realizes what is being done on him. i reach over and clasp my veiny hands onto his his lips. “shhh” i whisper in his ear. I grab his wrists and hold them above his head, so he doesn't struggle. however, he isnt struggling at all in the first place. i look into his eyes with confusion and release my grip, him not saying a word. so i proceed. i slowly pull down his scooby doo underwear and take out his growing cock. this is the first time Ive seen it. Ive seen the imprint before in PE, but never this close up and raw. Seeing him throb made me grow bigger than i ever have, possibly stretching my penis for a long term effect. from 1.2 inches to a whopping 3! Ive never been this big before. “I wanna fuck your brains out baby” i smirk and start rubbing his solid cock. “i want your cum so bad Ryan, i want you deep inside me.” Adam says. hearing him say my name like that made me rub faster. “Tell me how much you want it baby boy” “i want it so bad ryan, please let me feel you” that was all i needed. i whip out my dick and insert myself inside him. he was so loose, almost accepting that i was deep inside his asshole. back and forth, slow and fast, up and down sometimes. then, i grabbed his neck and squeezed. “you like that slut?” i say. i squeeze harder with every thrust. “R-ryan.. stop.. please...” he says in between breaths. i dont listen, though, ive been waiting so long for this moment, so long and so hard. ive been waiting to grab his fragile little neck and squeeze until his soft breathing is no more. waiting to see the life leave his dull brown eyes. waiting to fuck his lifeless body senseless until every inch of him is covered in all of me. he grabs my hands in his and with pleading eyes asked me to let go. “You're such a dirty whore for me, arent you Adam?” his legs start to jolt in fear as he feels his breath leaving him, his lungs craving the sweet feeling of air. then it all ended. for him anyway , it just began for me. a few hours past, those filled with me coming over and over again until the dead body of the boy i once loved was soaking. i had had enough though, so i cut him to pieces and saved the good parts for next time. I love you Adam. 

[harryisntstraight]

bethan i’m feeling v confused :( i know i like girls and have identified as a lesbian but the more i think abt it the more i réalisé i am attracted to certain kinds of guys & have just had v bad experiences with them (also i dnt have a big sex drive nor do i feel like i need a partner to “complete” me but with that comes feeling v invalidated about my sexuality if that makes sense?) sorry to rant at you lmao but could you just be my mom for a sec and tell me it’s okay b/c i can’t talk to mine :(

ohh wowwww i relate to this almost entirely Too Much but hey dont apologise for ranting its all good its healthy 2 let things out and talk to someone about how ur feeling even just typing it out to a stranger on the interwebs (hi!) is genuinely a good place to start. i’m not really sure i can offer you anything much in terms of advice because like i said i truly relate(tm) to a great deal of what youre saying here, i’m in the same boat where i know i like girls but i have such a complicated relationship with attraction when it comes to men its like i just wanna scream bc i dont know if i’m just refusing to be open to liking men bc of past traumas or just the general attitude of ‘men arent shit’ or just.....being Picky and only being attracted to certain kind of guys like you said. and on top of all that i also feel like i dont even know what attraction is anyways and its like i dont even know if i’m experiencing it in the right way or the way that everyone else does. ANYWAYS enough about me LMAO i just hope me ranting about myself helps u feel a little like u arent the only confused one and that we r all truly going through something so you dont have to feel like youre invalidating yourself by struggling or being confused bc i genuinely feel like 99% of us feel the same way at least some of the time. all i can really to you is that there’s no right way to be who you are. i think its really easy to get caught up in defining yourself and fitting yourself into some specific box when in reality there’s always going to be bits of you that dont quite fit. i think its important to remember that labels r designed to help you understand yourself and others like you and if trying to put yourself in one just leaves you feeling even more confused and isolated than you did before then you dont necessarily have to have one at all. and that doesnt mean you never have to have one. if you just want to float around like a little shapeless blob for a while whilst you figure things out and then maybe decide on one when (or if) you feel like having one is something you’d benefit from. it is all gonna be okay, i promise u. love u & we got this 💖

[moidse]

Okay so, I need to open up about a few things... and its been difficult to find the words. It really resonated with me the other week when you said you just don't want to disappoint me when it comes to sex, i really felt that and wanted to make you feel like i do not see you as a disappointment because i don't-- but it is complicated because i am disappointed that we aren't as sexually compatible as I'd hope-- but i this is something that is outside of either of our control and so i hate to think you are mentally punishing yourself for something that just is. I think thats why this is so hard for me to talk about, because im so scared of hurting you. I just really don't want to hurt you and i feel like i have a wall up when im around you more so then i have with past ppl I've dated-- specifically a wall up about my own sexuality and sexual desires, i notice i do tend to hold back my thoughts and feelings because I worry i would turn you off or just make you uncomfortable and so i just dont say much in regards to you or honestly just my sexual thoughts in general not towards you--i just worry if i shared my sexual desires it would push you away somehow... idk its a tricky situation and ive struggled with how to even discuss it.

Like for example, this is kind of embarrassing to talk about but whatever its not really a secret, so like when i get turned on and overwhelmed i just kinda get quiet and shut down a bit, thats just a thing ive down before ive met you, but like, when this does happen with you I dont know how to even express what is going on through my head because im so worried about making you uncomfortable-- like for instance any party we've gone to together i do get super overwhelmed seeing you in these super hot outfits and i have to constantly tell myself to like keep my eyes looking at your eyes and not wandering and i just dont even know if it would make you feel uncomfortable if i were to say hey i think x body part looks super hot in that.. like or if you'd just laugh at me saying that like when i said i was turned on when we were making out, i just fear the reaction wouldn't be good so i just stay quiet about my thoughts and desires and sometimes it does get to me. When i see you in those outfits when we went to the party, when i see you in those black lacey underwear its like, my brain freezes and is no longer in the present, my consciousness has shifted into all of my fantasy thoughts of how I'd to touch you and everything i wish i could do to you because you look so hot and i cant stop thinking about it and my mind goes off in a daze, like a trance and i feel like normally i would be more vocal about my wants and desires when this happens but with you im like you probably do not wanna hear my thoughts and fantasizes because it would make you uncomfortable/ you are zero percent interested in doing these things and it isnt something hot for you so i just need to not say anything-- and that sometimes does get to me and makes me feel sad a bit... like tbh i do masturbate thinking about you, i mean i have for quite sometime now, and its just like at first i would try not to think about my fantasizes that i felt like you wouldnt be into, i would police fantasizes and be like no leah you can't even think about wanting to do these things... then not super long ago i was like fuck it i can think about whatever i want, i can think about all the things i wish i could do with you... and so i started fantasizing and masturbating to the thought of all the things i wish we would do but im pretty sure are outside of your comfort zone and that's now almost making me sad too-- its like after i cum im just like man that sucks that this is just a fantasy that i can't actually do.

And the thing is is its like, sex is a two way thing, like hypothetically if you were okay with some of the things i want to do its just like not the same if you are just neutral/lukewarm about it and actually turned on and want these things to happen as well. Like thats way hotter and i dont wanna just do the motions of sex while you arent invested or engaged because that's depressing and id rather not do it at all. Which is why ive never mentioned these things. Sometimes i think well we can work on this and other times i worry that we cant change just how we are very different sexually tho, like yes i can teach you how to touch me, i can teach you how to pretend to be into it but deep down I'll just be focused on how its you pretending to be engaged and you aren't actually interested in doing any of this-- it takes me out of it and its just hard to let go and relax, im worried about so many things and sex is only good when you're truly relaxed and trust the other person.

It just sucks. I often get overwhelmed and just want to touch you SO BAD. I just want it so bad and i have to pause and hold back and it just is soooo sexually frustrating!! But at the same time i want to touch you i want to go down on you i want to do all these things because i want to make you feel good and its like if these things cause anxiety and shit and make you uncomfortable then i don't wanna do it. It sucks. I just want to touch you, i want to feel you up, i want to hear you moan-- i just want to please you and make you feel good in these intimate ways... i wish you wanted to touch me and feel me up and hear me moan too tho, i wish you craved these things for me and its like at times i can feel you don't and it does take me out of it. I want you to want to touch me, i want you to fantasize about me like how i do for you but i know you just dont operate that way, its like what do you find hot about me? What turns you on about me? Because i can go on about all my fantasizes and stuff but it just feels weird to share when i dont even know what you think is hot about me.

And tbh the other day when we were talking about sex, i said i enjoyed you grinding on me and you did that after i said that and it made me realize i shouldve specified-- it wasnt just you grinding on me that was so hot-- tbh that time we had sex after i traveled back from Cleveland was the hottest time we've fucked for me and it made me really happy & hopeful, although i was so tired my memory was splotchy so i could even be misremembering what made it the hottest for me. I just remember you being on top of me and being like the most aggressive I'd experienced without me even asking, which was so hot and it made me feel like you weren't just lukewarm but were truly enjoying yourself and we were both into it which was so hot and what i want. I just remember you on top of me being aggressive and i was super into it and like moaning like crazy and quickly asked you to finger me. And as you were fingering me i remember feeling you grinding against my leg while wearing those super hot lacey black underwear-- and now idk if this was sweat or what, but tbh i could feel wetness as you were grinding against me and THAT was why it was so SO hot for me. That was the FIRST and really only time i had evidence that you were turned on and into it and thought i was hot and fucking me was hot and it just felt reassuring that you are into it and arent just doing the motions of sex. I didnt ask you to grind against me. You were just acting and doing what felt right and pleasing yourself rubbing against me and it was so hot.

Usually, i don't really get any evidence that you're turned on. I don't get an auditory moans or sighs. I dont get to feel you being wet, i dont get to feel ur nips being hard or anything. I dont get any signs that you are turned on besides you later telling me you are but i don't get any signs or validation in the moment and that time was so hot because i didnt even have to ask but you were just rubbing urself against me and i could feel you being wet which only turned me on more. Its like i want you to be enjoying yourself too. I dont want it to be one sided. A lot of the part that turns me on is seeing/hearing my partner being arousing and into it and i don't get that from you and its hard to get into it when it just feels like youre helping me masturbate rather then we are fucking... like i want to feel that you are invested, present, and into & engaged--but that one time when werr you being aggressive and rubbing yourself against me i felt for the first and only time that we were both into it and it wasnt just you touching me.

It sucks because i dont want you to feel bad. I understand we are just different and it is what it is. This isn't something that is a big deal that i want to like break up with you. Sex isnt everything and i feel we are compatible in so many ways-- it just is something i wish was different and more satisfying but it is what it is.

Another thing thats hard for me to speak on-- so i do have bottom Dysphoria and i feel very nervous about talking about it and my desires that validate my bottom Dysphoria because im like 99% sure you are zero percent interested in doing any of the things and it would just hurt me to have that confirmed so i just dont even vocalize it. It sucks cuz in the past year ive realized i do have bottom Dysphoria and i shouldnt feel ashamed and embarrassed by it and its something im still working on... but its like I've realized its hard for me to cum and be really turned on when i don't get to express my transexual desires. I think its especially hard because i still feel shy about it. The last person i was with was the first time i had ever been open about my bottom Dysphoria and it taught me a lot about myself. It sucks that i feel pretty confident that these desires that would validate my bottom dysphoria are off the table and would make you uncomfortable. Its hard and im too afraid to even ask and have that confirmed because it would hurt me too much.

But i guess i need to be brave and have this tough conversation and express my desires that I'm holding back just to know if any of them are something you'd be down to do and if not its fine. It probably would just be better for me to know rather then continuously wonder and feel sad about it.

[dabubblegottarant]

qs to ask myself

1) how would you describe your relationship with your mom/dad

honestly, this question is too hard to answer in just a few sentences. I would say, they’re like ur average desi parents. so with that, I guess the answer is self-explanatory. 

2) when was the last time you cried and why

I think the last time I cried was 2 weeks ago. I felt like a piece of shit who was constantly waiting for someone knowing that they don't care about me. its something that I struggled with a lot with my most recent ‘relationship’ (if u could call it that). let’s just say that im definitely moving on and im emotionally in a better state now

3) what's your favorite/least favorite quality about yourself; why

my most favorite quality about myself is how respectful and kind I can be. I always tell myself that it will bring more good than harm as long as people don't take advantage of it. my least favorite quality is my lack of confidence. I feel like I could be doing a lot more if I had more confidence in myself. 

4) do you smile at strangers

I don't usually smile at strangers, only if they smile at me first. 

5) how often do people (not family members) tell you they love you

I would say often. when I saw my friends every day, I def felt loved and belonged.

6) how is your life different now from two years ago

ooof a lot has changed. I grew up, I'm an adult now, graduated, made new friends, lost a few old ones, fell in and out of love, accepting change, adapting to new environments, learning to be more independent. and yeah honestly trying to own up and take responsibility. 

7) would you ever cheat on someone

you know, as unfortunate as it may sound, I feel like I would. not that I ever have or think its morally ok. it's not. cheating on someone is fucking bad. but I feel like if my partner was lacking in something that I needed or wanted which I found in someone else, then I will have to heavy heartedly, tell them, “hey you were really good to me but I found someone better LOL” (ok maybe not that but u know what I mean) 

8) are you a jealous person

hmmm no. im not exactly a jealous person. I feel like if someone has something I don't have, physically or not, I would just look up to them. like I would aspire to be more like them.

9) what's the worst pickup line someone has asked you

gosh. i cant think of any right on top of my head. 

10) do you believe in ghosts

nope

11) what are your ambitions

skskkss u see thats a hard question because *ahem* define ambitions. do i have goals in life? yes. Do i have a dream? theyre not achievable but yeah. Do I know how I'm going to achieve my goals? LOL no. 

12) 3 deal breakers in a relationship

cheating (obviously), if they don’t ask for consent, and if they aren’t willing to communicate. 

13) what is one thing you’ll never do again

idk. I do learn from my mistakes even tho it takes multiple tries, but yeah I forget about them eventually. 

14) what's your most bizarre pet peeve

ok so. not really a bizarre pet peeve, but I hate loud chewers. YET I love watching food ASMR. so I contradict myself. 

15) what is your favorite memory

u see there arent any specific memories I like to label as my favorite. I live in the moment so, if a memory made me feel good, it’s added to the list. 

16) what's your zodiac sign

AqUaRiUs

17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you

im not scared of bugs if thats what u tryna imply. I am afraid of failing. IDK if thats considered a small thing but yes

18) do you like your laugh

sometimes

19) have you ever stalked someone/been stalked

I have been stalked and yeh that shit is terrifying. I think i used to stalk my middle school crush at one point lmao. 

20) do you feel loved

at this point? u know, it's hard to say, but yes. Do I know I'm loved even tho I may not feel it? Absolutely. And u know what I find fascinating, how even tho most people are scared to love or keep getting their heartbroken, they still stand up and continue to do that shit. u go guys! keep loving. 

@cafehearts imma tag u cuz I want u to do this