#and marisol is exasperated

[wormwoodandhoney]

comp titles challenge: anon suggested, carmen sandiego meets the twilight zone

marisol is a thief. she works for a shadowy agency but she doesn't ask questions- that's not her job. this changes, unfortunately, when she is asked to steal a very unique map. suddenly, no matter where she goes in the world, she finds herself mixed up in unusual mysteries, from talking dolls to doppelgängers to small towns with a secret. where is she going next? the map will tell her, leading her to a new location each time she unfolds it. what will she find there? something incredibly weird and creepy, probably. at least the agency flies her first class.

[andy-15-07]

Hello, I love your fics! Would you write a Paul mescal or Pedro pascal x gf!actress reader where she like to sleep with a bunch of blankets and Paul or Pedro is complaining about it in like an interview or something? Maybe with flashbacks?

Too Many Blankets

PAIRING: Pedro Pascal x reader

WORD COUNT: 873| requests are open (send requests, I will gladly answer them all)

Pedro Pascal Masterlist | Pedro Pascal Masterlist II

Pedro Pascal settles into the guest chair under the bright studio lights of Late Morning Chat, adjusting his blazer with a self‑deprecating grin. Across from him, host Marisol Vega flips through her notes. Her smile is warm, conspiratorial.

“Pedro, your latest film is a smash, congratulations,” Marisol begins. “But I hear there’s someone else stealing your attention these days,your actress girlfriend, Y/N?”

Pedro leans back, chuckles. “Guilty as charged.”

Marisol raises an eyebrow. “She must be pretty special.”

He smiles, eyes softening. “She is. Absolutely.”

“Now,” Marisol says, tapping a note, “I hear Y/N has a… unique sleeping habit.”

Pedro’s grin twists into mock horror. “Unique is one word for it.”

Marisol laughs. “Care to elaborate?”

Pedro rubs the back of his neck, shrugging. “She… likes blankets.”

Blankets? The audience titters.

Pedro holds up a hand. “Not just one or two. I’m talkin’,eight, nine, ten blankets on the bed.” He shudders theatrically. “Growing up in Chile… we had like, one heavy duvet. That was it. But Y/N,she’s layering like a wedding cake. Electric blanket, wool blanket, fleece blanket, comforter, throw,she’s got more linens than Ikea.”

“Wow,” Marisol teases. “How did you even notice?”

He throws up his hands. “It’s the Sahara Desert in our bedroom. I get cold at 22 degrees Celsius. I wake up feeling like I’m being suffocated by the Himalayas.”

You pad into the bedroom in fuzzy socks, hair in a messy bun, pajamas soft and oversized. Pedro is already nestled under the blankets, hair tousled, one arm flung over the mound of bedding. You grin, pulling a bright teal fleece throw from the chair.

“Cold?” you ask sweetly, draping it over him.

He peeks out from under the covers. “Too many,” he groans.

You laugh and pull out another,this one cream with tassels,dumping it on top. “Just one more.”

Pedro stares, exasperated. “What do you even need all these for?”

“I like them,” you shrug, burrowing into the soft layers. “They make me feel safe.”

He shakes his head in mock stoicism, but his lips twitch. “Anything for you, princess.” He peeks at you, then sneaks a kiss on your cheek before rolling away beneath the blanket avalanche.

Back to the interview. Marisol’s eyes sparkle. “You’re upset… but adorable about it.”

Pedro laughs. “I’m part bear. I like to hibernate, sure, but I also need to breathe.”

“Has Y/N ever threatened mutiny?”

“Every night,” he says, deadpan. Then softer: “She’s convinced I need the warmth. If not for the cold, then for those cozy mornings, you know?”

Dawn light leaks through the curtains. You’re already awake, tangled in layers, reading a script. Pedro shifts beside you, nose buried in blankets.

You hum a tune, slide out from under the layers,revealing half the bed to the chill air. “Morning.”

He blinks awake. “Where’d you go?”

You tease the sheets with a foot. “I’m… making coffee.”

He groans. “Coffee’s no good without a cuddle.”

You snort. “Try climbing under this.”

He eyes the blanket mountain and tries. His body slips and slides down, limbs flailing. You laugh so hard you spill your tea.

He finally emerges, victorious but winded, with just his head and one arm above the blankets. “I’ll never get used to this.”

You wink. “You’ll adapt.”

He sniffles dramatically. “I’ll die trying.”

Back on stage, Marisol leans forward. “You make it sound like a heroic quest.”

Pedro shrugs. “Any quest for comfort is heroic. And every time I finally escape those blankets, Y/N looks at me like I’m a conquering hero.”

The audience “awwws.”

Marisol grins. “So what’s your strategy? Are you investing in thermal underwear?”

He groans theatrically. “I was. Then Y/N brought me heated socks. Heated socks!”

“She spoils you.”

He smiles warmly. “She does. And honestly… it’s the best kind of torture.”

Marisol laughs. “You can handle ten blankets, electric socks,what can’t you handle?”

He looks at the ceiling in mock reflection. “My pride. And maybe small talk with other actors.”

She nods. “We’ll let you keep your dignity somewhere under those blankets.”

He nods solemnly. “Thank you.”

Marisol turns to the camera. “Pedro Pascal, everyone,heroic blanket‑conqueror, loving boyfriend, and cinematic legend.”

The audience erupts in applause as they cut to commercial.

Later, at home, you collapse onto the bed already piled high with blankets. Pedro follows, arms crossed but smiling like the Cheshire Cat.

“Back for more?” he teases.

You pat the spot beside you. “Join me.”

He hesitates at the foot, picks up one blanket, and flings it over you.

“Enough!” he declares.

You smile from beneath the layers. “One more?”

He rolls his eyes but gives in, piling three more on top, then drops beside you in defeat.

You wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his neck. “I love you,” you murmur.

He presses a quick kiss to your temple. “I love you, too… even if you smother me.”

You wiggle happily. “Cozy?”

He exhales contentedly. “Perfect.”

The two of you lie tangled in blankets,an absurd fortress of warmth that you’ve built together. Pedro sighs, breathing in your hair. “Good night, princess.”

“Good night, bear,” you whisper back.

And underneath ten blankets, a fleece throw, and two comforters, you both drift off,warm, content, and exactly where you belong.

[averalia]

Through Thick & Thin

| Pairings: Oscar Diaz x Girlfriend!Reader, Cesar x Platonic!Reader

| Summary: Y/N has been Oscar Diaz's steadfast girlfriend since high school, helping him lovingly raise Cesar from a young age, showcasing their enduring bond and the unconventional family they've built.

| Warning/s: Fluff, Domestic Life, Found Family, Established Relationship, Light Angst, Slice of Life, Older Brother Oscar, Caring Reader, Parenthood, On My Block

| A/N: Hope you enjoyed this little glimpse into their perfectly imperfect family life! 🥰

"You almost done in there, mija?" Oscar's voice, a low rumble even through the bathroom door, pulled you from your thoughts. You splashed cool water on your face, patting it dry before opening the door to find him leaning against the frame, a familiar, slightly exasperated look on his face.

"Just about," you replied, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. He smelled of sweat and motor oil, a scent that had become as comforting as your favorite blanket over the years. "Cesar still asleep?"

He nodded, pushing off the doorframe. "Kid sleeps like a rock. Unlike some people I know." He winked, nudging you playfully with his elbow as you walked past him into the small living room.

You two had been together since junior year of high school. You were the quiet art kid, he was the brooding football player with a reputation. No one expected it to last, but here you were, years later, your lives intertwined, especially after Cesar came into the picture. You remembered the day Marisol dropped him off, a terrified five-year-old clutching a worn-out teddy bear. Oscar, barely out of high school himself, had looked at you with a mixture of panic and determination. "We'll figure it out," he'd said, and you, without hesitation, had squeezed his hand and promised, "Together."

And you had.

You looked around the living room, a space that had slowly transformed from a bachelor pad into a home. A half-finished puzzle lay on the coffee table, a collection of Cesar's drawings adorned the fridge, and a slightly-too-bright throw blanket, a gift from your aunt, was draped over the back of the worn-out couch.

"He's got a big day tomorrow," you said, picking up a stray comic book and placing it neatly on the stack. "First day of middle school. Can you believe it?"

Oscar grunted, running a hand over his buzzed hair. "Means he's gonna start thinking he's too cool for us."

"Never," you countered, walking over to him and wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your head against his chest. You could feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat. "He loves you, Oscar. You know that."

He exhaled slowly, pulling you closer. "I try, you know? To be there for him. To give him what I didn't have."

"You do," you assured him, tilting your head up to meet his gaze. "You're an amazing brother, Oscar. He's lucky to have you. We both are."

He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "And I'm lucky to have you, mija." His voice was rougher now, tinged with an emotion he rarely showed. "Couldn't have done any of this without you."

You smiled, the warmth of his embrace spreading through you. "We're a team, remember?"

The next morning was a flurry of activity. Cesar, usually a sleepyhead, was up before his alarm, buzzing with a nervous energy. You were in the kitchen, making his favorite breakfast burritos, while Oscar, surprisingly patient, helped him wrangle his new backpack, which seemed almost bigger than he was.

"Got your lunch?" you called out, flipping a tortilla.

"Check!" Cesar yelled back, his voice a little squeaky with excitement.

"Homework?" Oscar prompted, looking over Cesar's shoulder as he double-checked his supplies.

"Didn't get any yet, hermano," Cesar chuckled, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.

You walked into the living room, a plate piled high with burritos in your hand. Cesar’s eyes widened at the sight. "Awesome, Y/N!"

Oscar ruffled his hair. "Eat up, kid. Gotta fuel up for all that brainpower you're gonna be using."

As Cesar devoured his breakfast, you noticed Oscar watching him, a soft, almost imperceptible smile playing on his lips. It was moments like these, quiet and ordinary, that solidified the life you had built. It wasn't always easy. There were fights, disagreements, and the constant underlying tension of life in Freeridge, but you always found your way back to each other, anchored by your shared responsibility for Cesar and the deep love that had grown between you.

"Alright, that's enough," Oscar said, pulling Cesar's plate away when he reached for a third burrito. "Don't want you getting a stomach ache on your first day."

Cesar groaned, but didn't argue. He grabbed his backpack, a renewed surge of nervous energy making him bounce on the balls of his feet.

"Ready to go?" you asked, grabbing your keys. You always walked him to school on his first day, a tradition you'd started when he was in kindergarten.

Oscar nodded, already heading for the door. "Let's do this."

As you walked down the familiar streets, Cesar chattering excitedly about his new classes, you felt Oscar's hand seek yours, his calloused fingers lacing with yours. You squeezed back, a silent affirmation of your shared journey. The sun was just starting to peek over the rooftops, casting long shadows ahead of you. And for a moment, everything felt perfectly, wonderfully right.

[spaceprincessem]

i gave your name as my emergency phone call | 9k buddie fic | ao3

[or buck and natalia break up. buck drunk calls eddie when he's out alone]

He gets the name of the bar from Buck and hangs up, quickly punching in the address, and sighing in relief when his maps tell him it’s only fifteen minutes away. He barely has his coat shrugged onto his shoulders when he spots Marisol leaning against the archway. Her arms are crossed over her chest and she pierces Eddie with a fierce gaze. “Buck needs you.” It’s not a question, but the way she says it makes Eddie pause. The words are coated with exasperation and a little bit of anger. Maybe a hint of jealousy if Eddie thinks about it for too long. They both know what this means if Eddie walks out that door in the middle of their date night. “He’s hurt,” Eddie explains, though it sounds weak in the hot, twisted air between them, “and he can’t drive right now.” Marisol rolls her tongue over her teeth, nodding her head slightly as she looks down at the ground for a moment. “What about his sister?” She asks, eyes back on Eddie. “Or his almost brother-in-law. He can’t call Bobby,” she takes a step forward, arms still tight across her chest, “or Athena or all the other people in your tight little 118 circle.” Eddie stiffens as something hot and wicked licks up his spine. “Buck called—” Me. He cuts himself off before he can finish the sentence. His voice sounds harsh and possessive and protective and not at all how it should when he’s talking to his girlfriend of all people.  But this is Buck. His Buck. And right now Buck needs Eddie. 

read the rest of ao3

tagging people who were interested @eddiebabygirldiaz @sibylsleaves @hippolotamus @shortsighted-owl @spotsandsocks @steadfastsaturnsrings @devirnis @monsterrae1 @wildlife4life @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck @colonoscopys @weewootruck @idealuk @foxandstars @leothil

[stujet9rainshine-blog]

No Context TigerGhost Next Gen

It was a quiet afternoon in the Rivera-Fenton household, as quiet as it could get with three young kids. Mateo was sitting on the living room floor, happily stacking blocks, while Javier lay calmly in his bassinet, staring at the ceiling like he was pondering the mysteries of the universe. Harper, however, was on Danny’s lap, refusing to cooperate.

“Come on, princesa,” Danny said, holding a small spoon of baby food in front of her. “You have to eat. Your brother didn’t give me this much trouble.”

Harper looked at him with her big, dark eyes, her tiny lips pressed into a defiant line. Danny sighed, setting the spoon down for a moment. “Don’t give me that look,” he said. “You’re going to eat, and that’s final.”

As if to prove her point, Harper crossed her little arms and let out a sound Danny could only describe as a hiss.

He blinked, leaning back in his chair. “Did… did you just hiss at me?” he asked, staring at his daughter in disbelief.

Harper glared at him, her tiny brows furrowed in the most adorable display of rebellion Danny had ever seen. And then, just to make her point clearer, she hissed again.

“Harper Marisol,” Danny said, his tone somewhere between amused and exasperated. “You are not a cat.”

Manny walked in at that moment, holding a towel over his shoulder. “What’s going on in here?” he asked, glancing between Danny and Harper.

Danny gestured to their daughter, who was now making little clawing motions with her hands. “Your daughter just hissed at me because she doesn’t want to eat,” he said, his voice tinged with disbelief.

Manny paused, staring at Harper for a moment, before a slow grin spread across his face. “Oh, mi tigrita,” he said, his tone warm and amused. “You’re just like your Dad.”

Danny frowned, looking between Harper and Manny. “What do you mean, ‘just like you’?” he asked.

Manny chuckled, sitting down across from Danny and Harper. “When I was little, I used to hiss at my parents when I didn’t want to do something,” he admitted. “It was like… instinct, I guess. I grew out of it... Mostly.”

Danny groaned, rubbing his temple. “So you’re telling me she inherited hissing from you?” he asked.

“Maybe,” Manny said, his grin widening. “It’s kind of cute, don’t you think?”

Danny gave him a deadpan look. “It’s not cute when she refuses to eat,” he said. He turned back to Harper, holding the spoon up again. “You’re not getting out of this, princesa. You’ve got to eat.”

Harper hissed again, swatting at the spoon with surprising coordination for her age. Danny let out an exasperated laugh, setting the spoon back down. “Okay, I need a break,” he said, passing her to Manny. “Your turn, Dad.”

Manny took Harper, who immediately stopped hissing and nestled into his chest, looking smug. “You’re such a troublemaker,” he said fondly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Just like me.”

Danny shook his head, watching the two of them. “I can already tell she’s going to be the handful of the group,” he said, a wry smile tugging at his lips. “Good luck when she starts walking.”

Manny laughed, bouncing Harper gently. “Oh, I don’t need luck,” he said. “I’m an expert at handling chaos.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Danny muttered, picking up the spoon again. “But next time she hisses at me, she’s all yours.”

[bidisasterevankinard]

Wip Wednesday

more from bucktommy mpreg with Buck pregnant with Eddie's baby platonically

“I checked the clinics, my bank accounts and decided to go and use sperm from the sperm bank and get pregnant,” Tommy smiles, with a little head shake. “But then Eddie broke up with Marisol and when we were drinking beer, mourning or partying, we’re still not sure which one, our bad attempts at dating,” Buck makes a playful pout.

Tommy chuckles at him. Buck laughs with him.

“Anyway that night Eddie saw my papers for the clinic and some research I did and asked me why I wanted to be a single parent with a baby from a stranger if we could have it together. The way we kind of already co-parent Chris, but more. Like Michael and Athena with May and Harry. And I needed like some seconds to agree,” Buck shrugs. Tommy raises his eyebrows.

Buck makes sure he has eye contact with Tommy, needing him to see his heart and that he says the truth. 

“I love Eddie. I love Chris. They are my family, always will be, but Eddie and I never were interested in each other that way. We talked more after that night. And then two days before the night I met you,” Buck kisses Tommy cheek, before smirking, “I was fertilized by his sperm.”

“Evan,” Tommy barely says his name between loud belly laughs with an exasperated shake of his head. 

They laugh together for a while, before Buck gets serious and anxious again.

“The day after the tour we had an appointment at the clinic and the test came back negative,” Buck shrugs again. “So Eddie and I decided to try again after some time. Then I started dating you thinking I wasn’t pregnant, but as you can see it’s not true.”

Toomy nods. Buck hopes he believes him that Buck would never start dating him without heads up about his state if he knew he was pregnant.

“I like you, Tommy. So much,” Tommy’s face got serious and partly sad. “I want to date you and see where it will get us, but I will not terminate this pregnancy or something. I want this baby. So much.” Buck puts his free from Tommy’s grab hand on his belly. It’s nothing to feel here yet, but he knows his baby is under his palm. “If you can’t see yourself dating a guy who is pregnant from another dude and will be a dad soon, I,” Buck takes deep breath ready to break his heart a little, “I think for both of us it’s better if you will end it now.”

Tagged by @tizniz

tagging @wikiangela @watchyourbuck @evnnkinard @evanbi-ckley @rogerzsteven @thewolvesof1998 @theotherbuckley @rainbow-nerdss @pirrusstuff @aspecbuddie @saybiwithme @steadfastsaturnsrings @devirnis @diazsdimples @fortheloveofbuddie @honestlydarkprincess @honestlyeddie-im-bi @hippolotamus @loveyouanyway @loserdiaz @cal-daisies-and-briars @bigfootsmom @bekkachaos @bewilderedbuckley @neverevan @monsterrae1 @queerdiaz @eddiebabygirldiaz

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

New Fic: change the prophecy

Listen I know I have a lot of ongoing works... But it's not my fault that this interview happened.

Summary:

Buck has never felt secure in any of his relationships; he’s been searching for someone to see him the way he feels he’s meant to be seen, but after things start going downhill with Tommy, he thinks that person might just not exist. Eddie cannot figure out what’s wrong with him when it becomes clear things with Marisol aren’t going to work out. But what if they’re both forgetting something?

Snippet:

“Are you happy, Evan?” Phillip asks. “Like, really happy?”

It takes Buck a moment to process the question. He feels a spike of indignation. 

“Is this because I’m dating a dude?” He asks, exasperated. “Because somehow I really doubt you’d be asking me this if I’d showed up here with Natalia.”

“Who is Nat- You know what? That doesn’t matter.” Phillip shakes his head. “Son, I do not care who you’re seeing, what their gender is, whatever. Any of that. I’m asking if you’re really, truly happy? You-you seem good.”

Okay… Well, nice to have the acceptance, but it seems like his dad might be genuinely blitzed.

And when Buck thinks about it for more than half a second, he realizes he doesn’t want to answer the question. 

“Come on, Dad.” He says instead. “It’s Maddie’s big day. She’s the one you’re supposed to be asking.”

---

Tagging: @epicbuddieficrecs @theotherbuckley @sevenweeksofunrepression @slowlyfoggydestiny @buckleybabyblues

@diazsdimples @exhuastedpigeon @aquamarineglitter @loserdiaz @steadfastsaturnsrings

@your-catfish-friend @incorrect9-1-1 @hawaiianlove808 @babytrapperdiaz @watchyourbuck

@lyricfulloflight @tizniz @aroeddiediaz @estheticpotaeto @buddieswhvre

@l0v3t0hat3y0u

[igglemouse]

Week 2 ~ The Big City ~ Thursday

She is not quite ready to leave and of course wants to talk to me about my faith, again. I've said this before I believe but mami is very much into her faith, that is that of the Watcher. That the Watcher, in all of Her glory of course, is ever benevolent and just and that dedicating ones life to singing Her praises is not only right, but will be returned in kind by the Watcher.

Valery: All I mean to say mija is, just read the book, follow its advice. You know, Hugo is also deeply religious.

Marisol: Yes, yes, I know.

I add a little exasperated. It's not hard to forget, she brings it up with him all the time and she did meet him literally at a church. Honestly, any young guy who spends his time at a church is probably the perfect match for me, in her mind at least.

Valery: Exactly! I could see from his point of view, he could probably sense that you were not faithful and-

Marisol: Actually, he did text me while I was in San My.

That made her light up, no one is shipping me with Hugo more than mami.

Valery: What did he say? What did YOU say?

Marisol chuckles: He was just reaching out? I guess he wanted to let me know that he was still thinking about me? Men are so confusing! He didn't ask for another date or anything but-

Valery: Oh don't worry about it! It will come mija and no matter if he calls you back or not, the Watcher will do what is best.

Hmm, she just might be on to something. I do like Hugo. I really REALLY like Hugo, but if he's into me he'll make his move and we'll see where it goes and if he's not? Well, there are other men I am sure who will be interested. I am Marisol, after all.

Index ~ Next

[babygirl-diaz]

Unspoken Heartache

((Took a break from my TommyBuckEddie fic to write this little angsty thing))

***

Eddie knocked on the door and waited patiently outside for Buck to answer it. When he did, the look on Buck’s face broke Eddie’s heart even more. He looked pissed like he was ready to slam the door right on his face. “What do you want?” 

“Can I come in?” Eddie asked, shifting his weight from one foot to another. 

Buck looked determined not to move but then he let out a breath and stepped aside to let Eddie into his apartment. 

Eddie stopped by the kitchen and looked around like he had never been there, despite being there a thousand times before. 

“What do you want, Eddie? I have things to do,” Buck sounded exasperated. 

Eddie dared to turn around and look at him. “I’m sorry,” he let the words hang in the air. 

Buck’s features visibly softened but then he went stoic again. “For what? Being a homophobe?” 

The accusation hit Eddie in the face like a hard slap. “That’s not- I wasn’t-” He released a shattered breath. “-I wasn’t being a homophobe, Buck.” 

“Oh yeah?” Buck crossed his arms. “Is there another reason you have been acting like an asshole since finding out that Tommy and I are dating?” 

Yes! Eddie wanted to scream. But the truth was that he had just had that certain epiphany and he didn’t know what to make of it. “I was being a jerk because I had something else going on and I took it out on you.” 

“And what would that be?” Buck sounded less than convinced. 

“Marisol and I broke up,” Eddie hung his head dejectedly and looked down at his shoes. 

“Oh.” Buck’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry to hear that. But Eddie, that has nothing to do with Tommy and I.” 

Eddie wanted to tell him it had everything to do with him but refrained again. “I know. That’s why I’m here. I guess, I was just a little jealous. You and Tommy are these two great guys who have found their way to each other and I just- I envy that.” 

Buck finally sighed and stepped closer to Eddie. “That’s how I felt seeing you and Tommy together last week.” 

Eddie put a hand on Buck’s shoulder and took it as a win when Buck didn’t shove it away. “I am here for you, Buck. For both of you,” his voice trembled just a little as he said that and forced out a smile. “I was a jerk but I’ll try to be better. Do better. You’re my best friend and I don’t want to lose you.” 

Buck put a hand on Eddie’s and smiled at him. “You’re not going to lose me. I think you and I are stuck together for life.” 

Eddie’s heart tugged at that and he tried to hold back a sob. “I think we are.” 

“But I want you to know that Tommy and I have something special. He’s this amazing guy who is sweet and gentle-” 

Eddie zoned out on whatever Buck said next but he kept nodding his head. He didn’t want to hear how amazing a guy Tommy was because he knew that already. He also knows how amazing a guy Buck is too and that’s why they deserve each other. They probably even complete each other with the way Buck was smiling and talking about him. 

“Do you wanna stick around? We can have a beer,” Buck suggested, bringing Eddie out of his thoughts. 

“As much as I would love that, I need to get home and relieve Carla of her duties,” Eddie replied. “Raincheck?” 

“Sure,” Buck offered him another smile. 

Without really thinking about it, Eddie pulled Buck in for a hug. He closed his eyes and just took in this moment. He was sure that hugs would become rare now that Buck and Tommy were together, so he wanted to savor the moment. 

Buck let out a soft laugh and hugged him back. “We haven’t hugged like this in years.” 

Eddie pulled away and refused to look at Buck. “I’ll see you around,” He didn’t even stop to hear Buck’s response and left his place like he was rushing out of a burning building, which was ironic. He didn’t know how he even got to his truck but once he was inside, he let out some deep breaths as he held the steering wheel in a tight grip. And then he was driving. His eyes were already fogged up with tears but he didn’t stop. 

Eddie didn’t go home, though, like he told Buck he would. He instead kept driving until he reached the one place where he found some peace. The same place he visited 5 years ago the day Shannon died. He parked and got out of his truck. The sand beneath his sneakers felt like it was pulling him and he wished it would. The sounds of the wave crashing on the shore resembled the turmoil he felt in his own heart. Without caring who saw him, he collapsed on his knees and let out a loud pained sob. And once the floodgates opened, everything inside him twisted in knots and he cried his heart out. He let out loud choked sounds and buried his face in his hands. 

Eddie felt a ghost of a hand on his shoulder and he didn’t need to open his eyes to know who it was. “I love him,” he cried out, leaning back against Shannon’s chest. “I love him and I lost him.” 

Shannon cradled Eddie’s head and whispered, “Shhh… I got you. I got you.” 

“You’re not even real,” he told her, his voice accusatory. 

“But I’m always here for you, nonetheless,” Shannon told him. “Why didn’t you tell him that you loved him?” 

“I couldn’t,” Eddie said in between his sobs. “He’s just so happy with Tommy. I don’t want to ruin that.” 

“You’re going to have to do something,” Shannon told him. “Also, to be fair, I always knew you were into men.” 

Eddie finally looked up at her. Her angelic face came into view and she was smiling like she always was. “How?” 

“Well, I don’t think it matters to you what their gender is. You need to feel a connection here,” she pointed at his heart. “Why do you think it always felt so wrong with Marisol and Ana?” 

“I thought I was just missing you,” Eddie admitted. 

“Nope,” she pursed her lips and shook her head. “It’s because you didn’t feel that connection with them. Not the way you feel it with Buck. Not the way you felt it with me.” 

“I miss you,” Eddie admitted. 

“I know. But I am always here with you,” Shannon shrugged. 

Eddie didn’t realize when he had stopped crying. He looked out at the beach and suddenly something flew out in front of him and his eyebrows furrowed as he picked it up. It was a drawing of two teenage girls with the words “BFFs 4eva!” written on it. 

“Oh thank god! I thought I lost it!” 

Eddie looked up to find a woman, probably in her 30s, standing in front of him. He looked between the drawing in his hand and the woman and realized that it was one of them. “I take it, this belongs to you?” 

“Yeah, I was writing in my journal and the dang thing just flew off!” The woman laughed but then something akin to concern etched across her face. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Eddie replied and realized that he meant it. “Here,” he gave her drawing back. 

“Thank you,” said the woman before walking away. 

“I know what I have to do,” Eddie said looking over his shoulder but there was no one there. But it didn’t matter. Because he knew what he had to do. 

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Maddie’s word choice when Buck told her about his date with Tommy in 705 was so gentle and supportive, as we’ve all discussed. But her words were also SO SLICK!!!

She was treading lightly because she of course knew that this was a sensitive time for Buck AND she also did some math in her head over the course of the conversation and realized that there’s a piece of the equation that Buck is missing. She couldn’t just give Buck the answer though. Some puzzles he’s gotta work out on his own.

So. Looking more closely at the actual dialogue…

Buck gives Maddie the rundown of the evening’s happenings. Maddie notices the date’s pronoun. Then:

Buck: Yeah, okay, I was on a date with a guy. Again, not-not really the point.

Maddie: Mmm, it could very much be the point.

Remember, Buck is upset with himself for lying to Eddie *and doesn’t understand why he did that* He thinks it’s about dating a man in general. I think Maddie suspects it’s actually about Buck’s unrealized/unexpressed feelings for Eddie. The lie Buck is reeling over probably isn’t about dating a man, but about dating the wrong man.

Back to the conversation. Buck explains his allyship, then:

Maddie: So-so now you’re more than an ally?

Buck: It was my first time, it was dinner and a movie, and I - I didn’t even make it to the movie.

Maddie is following Buck’s reasoning in the ally part of the conversation, but clearly not quite vibing with parts of it. She’s in support mode, basically honoring Buck’s process and his journey. But still trying to navigate her own in the moment reactions without freaking Buck out. Treading lightly.

After Buck’s last remark above, cue Maddie’s haunted facial expression in which she clearly reviews countless past events and conversations with Buck in light of his new discovery about himself:

Maddie: Wow.

Buck: What, ‘wow’?

Maddie: No, not ‘wow’. Like, ‘Wow. I didn’t think that’s where your interests would lie.”

From my perspective she clearly and firmly rejected the ‘wow, you’re queer, what the hell. Way to be a massive enigma little brother’ interpretation…because obviously she would reject that. But that second clarification ‘wow’ doesn’t mean what Buck thought it meant. I honestly do NOT think she was saying ‘I didn’t think/know that you might be into guys too’.

Maddie is basically Buck mom for all intents and purposes, and she knows him well. To be fair, most people close to Buck know him better than he knows himself in key ways so with Maddie’s canon comments about Buck’s sexuality over the years, there’s no way she didn’t have her hunches. Period. What I think Maddie actually meant was that she didn’t think Buck had eyes for any guy but Eddie at this point. After doing the new math in her head real quick, of course.

I think that tracks with what she said a little later and how she said it:

Maddie: Okay, I don’t think you’re a fraud, I just think that maybe you’re not sure of your own feelings yet. And if there’s something that you need to tell Eddie, you will. Just, in your own time.

Between that line and her facial expressions, Maddie was on a damn journey! Imho it took everything in her to not just say ‘Wait what?! Eddie is your person my guy let’s be so for real right now’. She was a mix of confused and exasperated in the home stretch of that conversation lol. Still she showed up, met Buck where he was at, and supported him.

Then to top off that whole ‘coming out’ and ‘feeling like a fraud’ scene, Maddie says to Buck “so tell me about the hot pilot” and the scene immediately transitions to Eddie in bed with Marisol. Yeah, Eddie is the hot pilot in question. Buck just hasn’t figured it out yet, and Maddie realizes **all of that** now!

[noya-noya-noya]

I wasn't a big buddie shipper then when I watched the "she sees me" graveyard scene and me and Eddie had the same flabbergasted expression, like tfym she sees me? The disrespect to the man who's been with you through it all? Who comforts and jokes around you when you need to smile. The one who explains for you, exasperated and fondly sighs at all your antics. Who lets you come to him instead of him pushing you? The disrespect? I was too stunned to speak. Writers, there are 2 options here:

1 - Fallout. Bank on Ryan's great delivery of "how could you be?" as in how could Buck still be the same person after dying and coming back. He made it look like he had a realization that maybe this is not his Buck anymore, everything that they had, that's down the drain and because they never took the step anyway, all they can do is regret it, and then they'll fall out, etc etc. Lemme see Eddie's pining and moving on era.

2 - More drama. Eddie moves on and accepts that Buck is with Natalia now, and when they start getting deeper into their relationship, he'll find that Nat doesn't really see him. I.E. lemme see Buck's pining era. No we don't move on, we die on this hill. Marisol and Eddie won't happen, I'm betting on this.

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Have I written some 26k words basically only based on some of the insane promo treats we've gotten - and twisting it around to waltz right back anything that could become canon? Apparently yes. *shrugs* Do I know where I'm heading with this? Nope. Will that keep me from it? Also nope. Have at it, peeps! Cheers!

This Future We Choose

Part 1/???

Part 2 • Part 3

While Eddie won’t use the Q word, even in his mind (if only to keep a very exasperated Buck from pestering him), things have been relatively calm ever since he got to the station.

In general, things have been just that. Calm.

Well, except for the chaos which are the wedding preparations, which are in full swing these days. Though Eddie was glad he could opt out of that, for the most part. The part he’s involved in largely revolves around the tasks Buck was assigned (insisted to to be assigned). Because that means he has to deal with Clipboard Buck wanting to make everything perfect, and upon his sister’s request make sure he doesn’t go into some kind of frenzy. Which Eddie will gladly do. That’s one of the easiest tasks for him, really.

But other than that, and the usual chaos there always seems to be, it’s been… calm. Things have been going great with Marisol. Sure, some bumps in the road while getting to know each other, but Eddie never had any illusions about it that things would be a smooth sail start to finish. But overall, it feels like life is going in the right direction again.

Even though there’s been a shipwreck not at all that long ago, it doesn’t feel like they have been lost at sea for quite some time. Which is refreshing.

Eddie is pulled out of his thoughts when he feels Buck’s arm brush against his as he settles down next to him on the couch.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Eddie greets back. He doesn’t miss the clipboard clutched between Buck’s fingers. “Back to wedding planning, I take?”

“Laugh it up all you want, but if you don’t write it down somewhere, you’re going to forget it. And those two most definitely are,” Buck snorts. He takes the pen he’s had clipped to the top and ticks off some boxes.

“What’s the achievement you can tick off, then?”

“I found the perfect location for Chim’s stag night,” Buck announces proudly. “I had to promise Maddie that we wouldn’t do anything crazy. She’s right, we’re way too accident-prone taken together. So we’ll keep it simple. Nice lounge all to ourselves, nice suits, good food, lots of booze, and some silly challenges Chim will have to do, so I have blackmail material for the rest of his life.”

“Was that the reason why you insisted on planning the stag night?” Eddie grins.

Buck would have planned the entire thing alone, had his sister let him, but Buck understood that this was important for Maddie and Chimney to do together. Though he would not let go of the responsibility of hosting the stag night. To quote: “You can pry that from my cold, dead hands.”

Buck smirks back. “What other reason could I possibly have?”

Eddie chuckles softly. He is glad to see Buck this cheerful again. He’d been worried, for quite some time. Ever since the lightning strike, really. Buck had told him some time back that he no longer felt the same. Which Eddie understood, better than maybe he ever wanted to. Because he doesn’t like to think back to his close calls. He wants to look forward, not back.

Eddie’s worry had grown significantly when Buck ended up in the middle of Kameron’s and Connor’s relationship drama over the child he helped them have. Buck hardly spoke to him during the time Kameron camped in his apartment. While he can joke about it now, Eddie has no illusions about it that it must have been extremely tough on Buck. Not just because Buck suddenly had to take care of a woman he technically helped get pregnant, but to help two people navigate to the life he helped them to. And that while struggling himself with the knowledge that he would not be part of that life he helped create.

But the baby is there, and Kameron and Connor have settled into their new home in Washington, to be closer to Kameron’s parents. So Eddie hopes that the distance actually helped Buck along. If he had to guess, it did. Because the forlorn expression, the longing with which he looked at his niece or at Christopher, it seems to have faded somewhat. These days, Buck is busy helping Chim and Maddie have their dream wedding, and Natalia of course.

Eddie will have to admit, he was not too sure about that relationship at first. He felt like he was having a flashback, Buck ending up with in a relationship with someone right after a traumatic event. And then of course, Natalia’s profession, her closeness with death… it honestly didn’t sit quite right with Eddie at first. Because he didn’t want to think about it anymore, how Buck died, how Buck was dead.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds.

But Natalia wasn’t like he feared she would be. She is lovely and supportive. She knows what she wants in life. And Eddie gets the impression that Buck can talk to her about some of those things about his death that Buck doesn’t share with anyone else.

So yeah, all in all, it’s calm.

Eddie is called back to reality by the noise of the pen being stuck back to the clipboard. He taps Buck’s biceps lightly. There was something, right. “Oh, before I forget. Marisol suggested we could go on a double date again. She found this supposedly amazing Indian place that’s all over social media. You and Natalia in?”

Double dates have been great, honestly. Natalia and Marisol got along right from the start. And while Eddie definitely won’t admit to that, it made things a bit easier. Sure, he’s went on dates on his own, but having Buck with him always puts his mind at ease. And Eddie likes to think that it also helped Buck smooth things out with Natalia, as they had a bit of a rocky start, to say the least.

“Oh, ugh… that’s…”

Eddie frowns at the way Buck’s entire body seems to tense up.

“Natalia and I… broke up.”

Eddie tries hard not to stare, but he is not sure he manages. “What? How long?”

“About two weeks. She got the last of her things she had over at my place, like, two days ago,” Buck answers, barely moving his lips apart as he speaks.

Whiplash is what comes closest to what Eddie feels hitting him right at that moment.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Eddie asks, hoping that he doesn’t come across as too demanding. Because it’s not like Buck owes him that information, even though they are best friends. Eddie just feels like this is something he should have known.

Or at the very least, suspected.

Buck shrugs it off in a vain attempt to make it seem casual. “Because it’s not a big deal, honestly. We both came to the conclusion we weren’t heading anywhere. It’s not like it was with Taylor or so.”

“You were together for months,” Eddie insists. “That’s a pretty big deal, if you asked me.”

“I wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to make this a secret. I guess I was still sorting myself out. Because, as you said, we’ve been together for a while,” Buck tries to explain, but Eddie can sense that there are things Buck would rather say, but doesn’t. He can see it by the way he purses his lips. Because Eddie knows Buck.

“But you are… you are okay?” he asks, softer this time.

“Totally. This was the first time I managed to end things before anyone got hurt. That’s what I call improvement, right?”

Eddie looks at him sternly. “Buck, you don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re joking, even though you’re likely still sad about it. So yes, you’re pretending,” Eddie sighs.

He knows Buck, better than Buck probably knows himself at times. At least that’s what he keeps getting told, even by Buck’s own sister. So Eddie feels like, yes, he knows him. Which is why he knows Buck, since a young age, learned to make people think he is fine, even though he is anything but that. Because he was always more afraid of the pain of being left behind than he was of facing the pain of handling things on his own.

But Eddie won’t stand for it. Ever. Buck doesn’t have to be in pain for him to see him.

“Sorry. You’re right,” Buck concedes. “I just… I wanna try to see the positives.”

“And that’s okay,” Eddie exhales. “But allowing the negatives has to be okay, too.”

“Frank taught you that?” Buck teases.

“He wrote it on a sticky note and hands it to me every time I go down that route, because he says he’s too tired always repeating it to me,” Eddie huffs.

Frank is great, actually. He helped him a lot. Some time back, Buck said that therapists are like reality filters. And he’ll have to give him that, Frank does just that for him.

“I kinda love that guy,” Buck chuckles, but then his face twists again into that fake smile Eddie hates more than anything.

Eddie opens his mouth to reply something, but then the alarm goes off.

“Duty calls!” Buck rushes off before Eddie can say anything more.

So much to how things are calm. More like, the calm before the storm, huh?

###

Eddie settles down on the bench next to Buck, who is still rummaging through his locker to get out his spare shirt. Looking at Buck’s bare torso, he can’t help but still think about how it used to be marked by Lichtenberg figures not at all that long ago. And how odd it felt when they were gone without a trace. Like none of that ever happened, even though it did.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds.

“So, to touch up on our conversation earlier…,” Eddie begins.

Buck lets out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes at him. “Eddie, honestly, it’s fine.”

“I’m not saying it’s not fine. I just want to offer beer and pizza over at my place, if you feel the need to talk about it,” Eddie argues.

He doesn’t want to press, but he knows that Buck needs a bit of a push sometimes. And Eddie feels like he owes it to Buck, to keep pushing. Because Buck has done that for him, even though Eddie pushed back very hard. Buck was one of the reasons why Eddie went to therapy. Buck didn’t give him an easy way out. He became his check-in with reality, until Frank took over the duty.

And Eddie is thankful for that, he honestly is. He knows how hard that must have been for Buck. To not just pretend like all is fine, to step into the room with him. To be uncomfortable and even risk being blown off by Eddie for it.

So, to his mind, it only seems fair to do the same for Buck now.

Even if that means being a little pest about it.

Buck slips on the clean shirt. When he sticks his head through the collar, he has that dorky expression on that always makes Eddie smile at him fondly. “So the guy equivalent of having ice cream and watching romcoms.”

“We can also do that, if it makes you feel any better,” Eddie snorts.

“Nah, I’m down for pizza,” Buck laughs, sitting down next to him, bumping his shoulder against Eddie’s. “Under one other condition, though?”

“Condition?”

“I get to pester Chris a bit.”

“How’s that ever in question?” Eddie huffs.

“Well, as you keep lamenting, he grows up so fast. So I need to get as many hours out of him before he’s too cool to hang out with his dad’s best friend,” Buck explains.

“You have my allowance to pester him, even when he’s too cool to hang out with you. Because he damn well has to keep hanging out with me, too, whether he’s too cool for all that or not,” Eddie huffs.

“Awesome. Then we should get going.”

“Once you made yourself look presentable, sure,” Eddie snorts, running his hand over Buck’s still messed-up hair.

Buck dodges his hand away. “Thanks, dad. Do I have to tuck the shirt in, too?”

“Nah, that’s fine.”

“You’re a great friend, you know that?”

“Yeah, I know I’m amazing like that.”

“You really are.”

“Right back at you.”

The two smile at each other. Buck then turns his head to look at the lockers. His eyes seem to fix on Eddie’s open locker. Something shifts in his demeanor, only for a second, too short for Eddie to decipher it. But before he can say anything, Buck gets up, shoulders his bag, and throws them both shut.

“Then let’s go!”

###

The ride over to Eddie’s place remains mostly silent. They go back and forth about their choices for pizza toppings the way they always do (because Eddie will fight anyone over having the audacity to put pineapple on pizza, including his best friend). Christopher is very happy about Buck coming over, and the pizza, of course. And despite being a bit on the moodier side of his teenage years these days, he and Buck soon fall back into their usual rhythm of talking about anything that comes to mind and playing some video games after dinner.

Though Eddie can’t shake this sense of foreboding, all the way until Chris is fast asleep and he’s rummaging through the fridge to grab the beer he’d promised Buck. Because something is definitely up with Buck, and if he had to guess, it doesn’t only have to do with his recent break up.

But Eddie is going to get through that. He’s dealt with worse. They both have.

So he grabs the beers and proceeds to the living room. Buck looks only a bit uncomfortable on the couch, mindlessly playing with a loose thread on his shirt. Eddie settles down next to him, holding out the cold bottle to Buck. He takes it, flashing a bit of a shy smile.

“So,” Eddie sighs.

“So.”

“Is there anything you wanna talk about?”

“Want is a strong word,” Buck huffs, choosing to play around with a loose edge of the beer’s label instead of the loose thread on his shirt.

“You know how I mean it.”

“I don’t know, honestly. It’s been a first for me, too. Because things have been going great with her. I still like her a lot,” Buck admits. “I still miss her, to be honest.”

“Then why break up?” Eddie asks.

“Maybe the self-help books have taken over my brain, but… one of those things I keep thinking about all the time is… what do I actually want in life? Ever since the lightning strike, I… I feel like… like I’m not going to get another chance like that. To come back from the dead. Sure, lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice, but… there’s always another disaster right ahead. Which makes you think about your choices in life all the more, you know?” Buck chews on his bottom lip pensively.

“I felt the same, whenever I had a close call,” Eddie admits in a hushed voice. “It forces you to reevaluate your choices. I get that.”

After he was down in that well and almost died, it changed a lot of things for him. And unknown to Buck, Eddie changed a lot about his life, too, by putting him in his will.

“I mean, I’ve spent quite some time even before that, trying to figure out what I want. What truly makes me happy. But after the lighting strike, after I… died… I just wanted to try again, to get back in touch with myself, to not just act like myself but… be myself again. Looking back, I guess I was looking to Natalia all the harder because she was fascinated by death in a way I’d always been myself.”

Eddie grimaces. “Fascinated?”

Because he can safely say that it was not fascinating to watch lightning strike through Buck, to see him dangling up there, not to find a pulse, to do compressions and see nothing happen on the monitor, counting the seconds, praying, praying, praying, and still nothing.

“Like, I was never fascinated by other people dying, but I know a part of me was… chasing it, this feeling of coming close to the edge, and taking a U turn at the last second. It always did something with me that I can’t really explain. So yeah, I guess fascination is the best word I can come up with, for the lack of an alternative.”

“Well, you do have a track record of getting hurt, for your parents to see you,” Eddie mutters.

And while Buck seems to have made his peace with that somehow, more so since the lightning strike, there remains a petty part in Eddie that keeps holding that grudge in Buck’s stead. Because he won’t ever understand how parents can look at their kid, and look away the way Buck’s parents have done it with their kids. Yes, he ran away from responsibility for a while, but Eddie can safely say that he never looked at Christopher like he was a nuisance. He was afraid of not being enough for him, never the other way around. Just like he never looked at his son to be anything else, never the means to some end.

“Yeah, that’s… certainly been a recurring theme, I’ll give you that,” Buck hums in agreement.

“… Which is why you felt like she was seeing you.”

Eddie had wondered, for a long time, what Buck had meant when he told him that Natalia saw him. A small part had been hurt at that, to be honest. Because Eddie always got the sense that he had an eye on Buck – and far more importantly, that Buck knew that he did. That Buck dared to rely on it, when he’d grown accustomed to not having anyone in his life to have his back. That people only saw what he projected, and never what lied underneath.

But looking at things now, Eddie starts to see where Buck came from with this statement. Natalia saw him in a way none of them did, couldn’t possibly. Because none of them could feel any fascination, thinking back to this moment. He certainly doesn’t. And while Eddie tried to offer support, to be that shoulder for Buck to lean on as he’d been to him during his breakdown, Eddie knows he tried more to distract than turn the light on it. Be it poker nights or having him spend time with Christopher, to get him out of his own head.

In that sense, he made Buck look away. And Natalia made him look at it. Because she was fascinated by it, she was not afraid to look at it. And deep down, Eddie is still afraid to look at it, to remember it.

Three minutes and seventeen seconds of not having Buck in our lives.

No, he doesn’t want to remember that. He wants that to fade, like the Lichtenberg figures. He wants this world gone he was stuck in for three minutes and seventeen seconds, forever.

“Yeah. Natalia was seeing me the way I had always tried to get my parents to look at me, I think. Subconsciously, at least. Like, to me, feeling alive… truly alive… I grew up with this sense of how I could only ever get there if I was living on the edge. Getting close to death was the way to live, for them to see,” Buck tries to explain.

“So Natalia looking at you for how you died and came back… felt like you were back alive again, in a way that you haven’t felt since all of that happened,” Eddie concludes.

“Yeah,” Buck confirms. “Which means that, in the end, I was chasing a former version of myself. Maybe not Buck 1.0, but…”

“… Evan?”

He shrugs. “Maybe, I don’t know. But might be.”

“Then, what changed?” Eddie wants to know.

Buck leans further back on the couch, inhales, exhales, then inhales again. “I helped Connor and Kameron have their baby. I held that little thing in my arms and he was perfect… And I spent a lot of time, trying not to think about it. Like I didn’t try to think too hard about the fact that I died. Because, as glad as I am that I could help them… there was a very ugly part of me that regretted it. And I… I didn’t want to look at that, at all. Because I don’t want to regret this. I don’t, not really.”

“But he was perfect, and he wasn’t yours to keep. And that hurt,” Eddie whispers, feeling his own heart clench at that.

Eddie still doesn’t know how Buck managed to do it, to follow through with this most selfless act. It’s perhaps a different thing if you don’t know the people you make a donation for, if you don’t ever see that child. But Buck knows Kameron and Connor. He helped Kameron when Connor got cold feet. He delivered the baby. He held it. And he didn’t get to kiss it, didn’t get to call it his. He had to give it over to Kameron, he had to give it up. Eddie can safely say he couldn’t have done for those two what Buck did. He looked at Christopher once, and despite all of his anxieties, he knew right at that moment that there wouldn’t be anything he could ever possibly love more than that child.

“Yeah, it hurt. Like, I knew this was the outcome. Well, I didn’t know I’d actually have to deliver the baby, but… I knew that, in the end… I’d be donor, not dad. That was the deal. I walked away from this, even though it hurt. And I honestly think I managed not to insert myself into their life, after. To just be that donor for them… But yeah, holding that baby… I just… I realized just how much I want this.”

Eddie blinks. “To have a baby?”

“To be a father, to have a child that I get to call mine. Like, I don’t care one bit whether the kid has my DNA. But I… I realized that one of those things I’ve been yearning for, for so long, is to… to be a father. Not just Uncle Buck, not just Donor Buck. Not just… In-case-of-emergency Buck… Just… Dad Buck, just dad.”

Eddie can feel something tingling uncomfortably in his stomach. Is that, at least in part, how Buck sees the will? That he is the in-case-of-emergency, should something happen to him? And that this is all, or most of it?

Which may beg the question: Why would he want it to mean more for Buck? But Eddie has no answer to that yet.

Eddie coughs lightly to gather himself again. “And Natalia… doesn’t want kids?”

“She says that she really doesn’t. Which is totally fine. And it’s honestly not the reason why we ended things. The more we talked about what we want out of life, the more we came to realize just how different our goals were. And sure, you don’t have to want the very same thing at all times, but…”

“… you need a general direction, hit some milestones together.” Eddie nods.

“Right. And we had to see that we like each other a lot, but things don’t align for us beyond that attraction and care we feel for one another. Even without the family planning issue. So we figured we’re better off trying to find someone who’s better suited to walk that path with us.”

“So you’re really fine with it, breaking up with her?”

“I was never good at… break ups. I… I always felt like failing. But this time, neither one did anything wrong. We just… figured out that it wasn’t going anywhere. So… ugh, yeah, I’m good, with the break up. I’ll miss her for quite some time, I’m sure. But… I feel like it was the right choice, and that I managed to follow through with it before it was too late, before anyone got hurt. I’m honestly glad about that.”

“Right.”

Eddie takes a swig from the beer, which turned almost lukewarm between his sweaty hands.

“So… you want to be a father.”

He knows he shouldn’t be surprised. Buck always loved kids. You only have to see him interact with Christopher once to know that Buck was born to be a dad one day. But for reasons Eddie can’t really explain, there is something pulling on the strings around his heart upon that admission, that realization, really.

Because, in the end, that means he is looking to another child to take care of. What Eddie doesn’t know is why that actually hurts to think.

“It doesn’t have to be, like, tomorrow. Or even this year or the next. But I know this is what I want, rather sooner than later. I know that now.”

“Ever since you held the baby,” Eddie assumes, but Buck shakes his head. “Actually before that. I just… didn’t understand it, I think.”

Eddie tilts his head. “How do you mean?”

“You know, in that dream I’ve had while I was in a coma… I… my parents talked about my kids. And I remember how my heart skipped a beat. That in this version of my life, I was a dad! Only to find out that those were the kids in my class, as I was a teacher. Like, dreams often tell us what we actually want. And… and I feel like I’ve been shying away from that.”

“From hanging around kids? Hardly.”

“No, I mean… I love kids. I always did. I love babysitting. I love, beyond anything, hanging out with Chris. But the idea of having a child of my own… for a long time, it’d felt more like a threat than anything else, “Buck admits, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Because you’d lose your freedom?”

“No, because if I had a kid, I’d have a reason not to… be willing to give my life for the greater good. I know this sounds silly, but…,” Buck says, his voice trailing off, but Eddie interjects, “It’s not silly. I know how I struggled, trying to reconcile doing this job, while also being a father. Some days, I’m not sure I’m managing.”

There were many things he struggled with, coming back from the war. His parents were on him for wanting to become a firefighter. But yes, it was on his mind. What it meant to do a job that could very well mean he wouldn’t get to go home to his son. Because he was willing to sacrifice his life for someone other than his son. But Eddie found enough resolve in him to always try his hardest to come home. And to this day, he dares to think that this is enough.

“See, I couldn’t have that. After I found this job, my path in life, my purpose… I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But then I met all those amazing parents, you very much included, and… and I had to realize that it is possible. That you can still dedicate yourself to this purpose, but… but also to having a family.”

Eddie smiles faintly. Whenever he is in doubt about his ability as a parent, he has to look no further than to Buck to find that reassurance he craves more desperately than he’d want to at times. Because to Buck, Eddie is the picture boy kind of dad. While Eddie would not sign up to that, it always gives him reassurance. That he’s doing okay, even if he feels like he is failing his son, sometimes. Because there is someone who makes him look at all the other times he was doing well. Because there is someone who sees Eddie not just for the things he messed up, but for all the times he did right, and who sees him for who he can be as a dad further down the road.

“Coming back from what happened, I… I felt like I couldn’t go back to life as I knew it. And that’s true. I won’t ever be the same, after I… died. But I definitely won’t find my happiness by chasing an unhappy former version of myself. I… I want more out of my life than casual relationships and… only being a backup. I want… more. And I… I try very hard to tell myself that that’s okay. That I’m enough, to… to have that.”

“Of course you’re enough. You’re allowed to live whatever life you choose,” Eddie assures him, because he knows that Buck needs to keep hearing it, to let that sink in, the same way he relies on Buck to tell him what he can’t seem to grasp sometimes.

“I’m starting to get there.” He leans his head back. “I mean, it honestly feels a bit like a joke. Like, I die, literally die… and I spent so much time before and after the lightning strike, trying to find true peace, true happiness… and… and now I feel like I finally found out… and I have no idea what to do with that information. Like, what’s next?”

“You’re allowed to take your time, figuring that out, Buck.”

“Yeah, I know. I just… I guess I’m being impatient. Or rather… I don’t know how long I have to keep waiting, before I get to have that happiness. Because I spent my whole damn life, waiting. And I fear that if I keep waiting too long, I… I will keep missing out.”

He looks at the ceiling for a long moment, wrinkling his nose with a pensive frown. Then something sheepish flashes across his face, forcing him to twist his head back around to look at Eddie. “Which is to say, I’m not… unhappy, being Uncle Buck and all that. I’m not unhappy, period. I’m still over the moon that you’ve put me in your will. That you’d entrust your child into my care, should anything happen to you. Like, I don’t want it to come across like this is lesser to me. It’s not. I love Christopher. But… but… but he isn’t mine, not actually. He’s yours.”

Distantly, Eddie is called back to the small fight they had a few weeks back, in the basketball court. When they disagreed about how to help Christopher navigate his first crush. And how it’d slipped out of him during the game, that Buck wasn’t Christopher’s dad, that it was not his call to make. Eddie had regretted that even more than Buck could ever have regretted shoving him a bit too hard to take the ball from him thereafter. And oh God did Buck regret that.

Eddie had never meant for it to come out that way, but now he starts to see just how much that must have upset Buck. Because it confirmed this fear that he’d been carrying around himself ever since the lightning strike. To be confronted with the reality, yet again, that this was not his child, not his call to make. Because Christopher is Eddie’s son, not Buck’s. Even though he loves him like he is, Eddie has no doubt about it.

“I’m more to Christopher than I am to anyone else’s child. And I’m forever indebted to you for… for giving me that purpose, for letting me share in that with you,” Buck continues. “It means the world to me.”

“But you want to be a father. So that’s just not enough,” Eddie mutters.

“Hey, if I could steal Chris, I probably would,” Buck jokes, but then turns more serious again. “But… yeah, I guess I want more, in the sense of… not just having a kid on the weekends, taking them to the zoo, help with school projects, or pick’em up when the parents are busy, and all. I want the whole damn deal, you know? Parent teacher conferences, figuring out schedules, fussing over them getting a fever, dealing with tantrums, being the bad cop, fail and keep trying…”

He lets his head fall back around so he is facing the ceiling again.

“And… and I start to allow myself to go for it, actually go for it. But I want you to know that, no matter what happens, that’s never going to change anything about me caring about Christopher in any way I can. Because I will, always.”

Because Buck still loves him, as his own. Even though he isn’t. Only ever in case of emergency.

Eddie closes his eyes for a moment, to let that sink in. Truthfully, that’s not what he saw coming, when he put Buck in his will, not even when he told him about it at long last.

“I know,” Eddie almost croaks. “You’re always going to take care of him. Because you love him, so much.”

“I do.” A smile creeps up his lips, but it looks fake, Eddie notes. “I mean, who knows what the future holds? If you and Marisol get more serious, or you wind up marrying again… who knows how long you’ll need it in the papers that I’m the backup, right? Coz then he’d have another parent watching out for him. In which case I’d be the backup for the backup.”

Eddie feels the air knocked out of him this time. He had never thought about it too hard, though maybe he should have. Because yes, if he winds up finding someone to spend his life with, they’ll be the ones to take care of Christopher before Buck.

That would be the normal thing, at least.

But in Eddie’s mind, ever since he put Buck in his will, there has only been one person to take care of his son, should something happen to him. And that person is Buck, always only Buck.

But was that just wishful thinking on my end?

“Which is to say… I think it’s not fair for me to rely on you and Christopher for that, so very much. To find that part of my happiness. Because that’s actually just between the two of you. And I have to be fine with that. But that also means I have to… go for it myself, or else I won’t ever get it.”

The words get stuck in Eddie’s throat. How Buck can rely on them, how it’s totally fair, how much he wants him to rely on it. But who is Eddie to say that to him, after what Buck just admitted to? Because Christopher is not Buck’s. Even though, despite being all grown up these days, Buck is still Christopher’s Buck. So why should Buck have to keep relying on what he can get from Eddie and Christopher, if he can find the one thing that can make him truly happy? To be a father in his own right?

How would that be enough?

“I feel like I blow this way out of proportions, but I just… I felt like if there’s one person who should know before all else, it’d be you,” Buck concludes.

“I’m glad you told me,” Eddie says.

He is, he really is. But why is it that his heart is aching so much right now, he wonders?

“Is it okay… if that stays between us two, for a while? Until I’m a bit more sorted out about… how to take the next step? It’s not like it’s a grand secret, but I feel like it’d raise questions I wouldn’t be able to answer right now.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, for everything, really.”

“Never for that.”

Eddie watches as Buck keeps looking at the ceiling, which leaves him to wonder what Buck sees there.

The night fizzles out after that rather quickly. Before he knows it, Buck is tying his shoes and slipping into his jacket.

“Well, I guess I should be going, then. Thanks for… I was going to say for listening to my crap, but I’m gonna say… for being there. I… that means a lot,” Buck says.

“Always, Buck. Always.”

“Thanks. Well, I’ll be on my way, then.”

Eddie watches Buck as he stops by the door, for the briefest of moment. His fingers run down the door frame. And Eddie can’t help but wonder whether he’s saying goodbye to something. What it is, he isn’t sure. But he fears that Buck is saying goodbye to a pathetic fantasy they both got lost in, for what it seems.

Because, contrary to what Buck found out about Natalia and him, Buck and Eddie want to hit similar milestones, walk down the same path, but they can’t walk them together.

And isn’t that the biggest joke in it all?

[countessklair]

if i fall (can you let me down easy)

Rocco let out an exasperated sound. “You’re not understanding me. I like Marisol.”  “And that’s wonderful, honest to god it is,” Cassie repeated. “But again, why didn’t you just tell me in the first place that you were looking? You could’ve just told me you didn’t actually like me like that, and you never should’ve lied about only wanting me. And I just, what was the point in picking me at the last coupling up when Marisol was right there?”  Rocco sighed, and Gary could just picture the slimy, pitiful look on his face. “I’m sorry. I was just following my heart, but…things just aren’t working out between us. Thanks for listening to me, and I hope I didn’t offend you too much.”  Wait, seriously? He just straight up wasn’t gonna answer her questions, and then pretend that he was breaking up with her?  Somehow these sorts of dramas were all much more entertaining to watch on the telly when they happened to other people, and not when they happened to pretty birds with doe brown eyes that Gary knew in real life.  Gary listened to the rustle of fabric and footsteps crossing the roof, the door creaking open and then pausing before shutting.  He sat up, grinning when Cassie yelped, staring at him wide-eyed with a hand pressed to her chest.  “What a knob, eh?” 

day seven (the before and after of Mr. Love Island contest, complete with some new content because i could NOT resist) is up!!! you can read it here, ilysm!!!

[miggydiaz]

You know, from scenes on tumblr, I was prepared to like Tommy in the short term and be excited for bi rep on tv. But now that I’ve seen the episodes, I actually uh… don’t.

Like, I’m still excited for the rep because as someone who rode the allyship to closeted bisexuality to open bisexuality pipeline late in life just like Buck is, I was ready for this storyline to be deeply personal to me.

I just don’t really like Tommy? And not even… this isn’t even about the Buddie of it all. Maybe it’s Lou’s line delivery that makes every line sound condescending to me, but it doesn’t read as Gentle Older Queer’s Fond Exasperation to me. It’s actually kind of grating. Feels snarky in a lot of places where I don’t think it’s intended to feel snarky and it’s putting me off. Maybe it’s just because Lou has a strong valley accent? Idk but it’s not working for me.

Also the chemistry between him and Oliver is off. Like way off. Every scene reeks of “two heterosexual actors trying really hard to sell same sex attraction” to the point where it makes the episodes feel *silly.*

And you know, it’s actually not even just Oliver and Lou. It’s like everyone connected to this particular storyline the last two episodes has forgotten how to line read like the good actors I know they are. Ryan and Jen included (although I think Jen’s been the most believable so shoutout to her).

Weirdly high voices, incorrect pacing like they’re rushing through their lines, exaggerated expressions and inflections... Although Ryan is also struggling with this Marisol storyline, but that’s probably because the storyline is fucking stupid lmao. Not the religious trauma arc, that’s got potential, that could be good. It’s just the tone of it right now that’s stupid.

Actually, going back to my earlier point about how things feel *silly* maybe that’s my real issue with this season. Or these last two episodes anyway. You have this incredibly important storyline of Buck’s coming out, and it’s been relegated to the comedy portion of the episodes.

Hen and Karen and Mara? Serious in tone. Feels important. Athena and Harry? Serious in tone. Feels important. Buck’s jealousy and his date? Played for goofy laughs. His coming out to Maddie? Sweet but also kind of played for laughs with the whole “I’ll check out a hot guys ass/it’s not abnormal 👀”.

And I’m not saying it has to be this totally serious, really heavy storyline. It’s just that… they swung in the totally opposite direction. Instead, everyone feels over exaggerated, like they’re trying too hard to treat it with care but also like It’s NOT A Big Deal.

I dunno. Maybe after the Madney wedding, and especially if Lou sticks around, they can correct some of this. Maybe as the actors settle into the storyline, it’ll get better. But I’m just bummed right now because I was really excited for this after seeing all of the hoopla on tumblr (I was still catching up when these episodes aired), and it just hasn’t delivered for me.

[buddieisgoingcanon25]

I can maybe see how that works. Buck is coming out first, Eddie still in a boring relationship. Eddie is annoyed at Buck but not pinpointing why. Even maybe cloaking it in exasperation like the Natalia sees you thing. Like are you sure Buck. And it coming to some sort of cliff hanger head in the finale. Even if it's Eddie coming to Hen in a gay panic because he finally realizes it's Buck. And trust me however it goes down I do think it will be a cliffhanger to get people invested in the will they won't they of 8.

However, even Tim isn't stupid enough to make that end game. The slap in the face of the Fandom would be too big, IMO. I would be pissed if Buck got a Walmart version of Eddie and Eddie got boring ass Marisol. I would probably never rewatch it again. I wouldn't recommend it to be people either. That is how you lose future streaming dollars. Look what happened to HIMYM when they screwed with the Fandom.

Yes anon. Hopefully Tim doesn’t screw it up and does Buddie canon justice for the fans.

[skinwalkingxana]

Coffee Smell

From @creativepromptsforwriting 's September Monthly Prompts!

This one got away from me a bit (just over 1,000 words!). Featuring my OC from my MgiT/Isekai Dragon Age fic Chaos Theory! I may end up incorporating this into it one day ( or maybe not!)

Why the other three advisor's agreed to hold a meeting this early, Marisol would never understand. The sun wasn’t up yet, and even Chief had grumbled at her, turning around in his bed to go back to sleep instead of his usual demeanor while she got ready for the day. She almost took a blanket with her to wrap herself up in, but could already hear the lecture from Josephine about walking around . So, instead Marisol dressed in the warmest clothes she could and began her trek through Skyhold. The second she pushed the heavy wooden door open, all three sets of eyes fell on her.

“Sorry,” Marisol murmured, voice still heavy with sleep as she tried her best to shut the door behind her as quietly as possible. She failed- the door was so old the hinges let out a long and loud creak, causing her to wince, “ I’m not late am I?”

“No. You’re right on time, actually.” Josephine replied through an exasperated breath.

Marisol knew her well enough now to know that was code for ‘We almost sent a runner after you’. If you’re on time you’re late, if you’re early you’re on time. She hated being late, hated the feeling of making other wait for her, but it couldn’t be helped. She no longer has the luxury of an alarm, and Chief has a routine time he sticks to for his morning walk.

“Yes well, shall we begin?” Leliana took a sip out of her mug after she spoke, delicately cradling it in her hands as she raised an eyebrow signaling for Cullen to begin.

“As you well know, Arl Teagan has offered use of Mulligan’s Quarry so long as we can reclaim it from the bandits that have taken residence there-“

Marisol knew she should have been paying attention, but she felt exhausted. She’s fairly certain this is the earliest she’s ever had to get up. Normally there would be enough time for her to grab breakfast, but it would be some time before that would be served in the hall. It’s been months since she’s had a cup of coffee, too. She could finish an entire pot on her own before, an occasional habit that became more regular when she began her Master thesis. Abuelita used to send her care packages with bricks of Cafè Bustelo, even though Marisol could just as easily walk to the bodega to buy it herself.

Maker, she could smell the smoky boldness of it now, almost taste it even. The memory was so strong Marisol swore the whole war room smelled like coffee. She remembered getting headaches back in Haven from the lack of caffeine, but she’d never hallucinated smelling it. Besides, tea had just enough caffeine that it dulled any sort of withdrawal headache Marisol had.

Josephine had a cup similar to Leliana’s that she was carefully nursing. She brought it to her lips, took a sip, then closed her eyes as if savoring the moment. Suspicious. Marisol watched the two for a moment, then two, before the realization hit her.

“Wait, is that coffee?” Marisol blurted out, interrupting Cullen mid-report.

“It is. My mother just sent a small shipment from our family roaster.” Josephine replied .

“Roaster? Your family has their own personal roaster?” There was no sense in Marisol hiding her disbelief.

“Well… not exactly. The Montilyet’s may be known for our wine, but we also have a smaller investment in a specialty blend of Antivan Roast Coffee. “

Marisol wasn’t sure if what she felt was disbelief that coffee existed in Thedas, or if it was betrayal that it took this long for her to find out. All those months going through withdrawal headaches when there was a source for coffee standing right in front of her.

“Can I.. Have some?” Marisol managed to ask.

“Oh! Of course. Have you had it before? Is this something you had back in your homeland?” Josephine turned to a small tray on the table, pouring Marisol a cup, “I do hope you don’t mind it black, we still don’t have a steady enough supply line for cream but there is some sugar-“

“Josie, I used to drink a pot a day in college by myself.” Marisol took the plain cup in hand, breathing in the scent as she fought the urge to down it in one go. “ If I couldn’t drink coffee plain I don’t think I would have survived.”

“Truly? An entire pot?” Josephine looked surprised. “How did you sleep at night?”

“Well, when you get used to it doesn’t always have the same effect. Whenever I had to pull an all-nighter I sometimes had to have two pots to stay awake, or switch to espresso.”

“I... see. Well, in that case, feel free to help yourself.”

The smell alone was enough to invigorate her. Marisol inhaled the scent one more time, noting a faint nuttiness before taking a small, appreciative sip. It didn’t have as bold of a taste as she was used to, but it was still full-bodied, with a tender note of cinnamon-sweetness to it. It instantly brought a warm smile to her face.

“Oh sweet Maker, not you too,” Cullen rolled his eyes.

“The Commander does not like it.” Leliana bemusedly spoke over her own cup.

“Like it? I don’t know how any of you drink it! It tastes burnt.” He argued.

“Sounds like you haven't had good coffee then,” Marisol took another sip, “And this is good coffee.”

Cullen scrunched up his face in response. “There’s no such thing.”

“That’s fine with me, it means we don’t have to share.” Marisol protectively hid her cup away from Cullen as if he would take it from her as she finished it off.

She hip checked him,-ignoring the fact he was twice her size and wearing metal armor-, before immaturely sticking her tongue out in the process. She moved between where Cullen and the tray of coffee sat, then turned her back to him before topping off her cup.

“Josephine, I will name my firstborn after you if you can get us a regular supply of this.”

The proclamation brought a small blush to the ambassador’s cheeks, “I will see what I can do.”

Marisol heard a rustling of papers behind her before feeling a small whack atop her head. “Hey!”

She turned to Cullen, seeing him fighting a playful smirk behind mock-anger, “Need I remind you we have work to do?

“Does that work involve more coffee?” Marisol managed to raise her arm in defense before Cullen could swat at her again. “Kidding!”