#and several of the things are largely me not knowing the exact perfect thing to do in the current transition

[orcelito]

Read the most depressing trauma dumping letter Ever sent to me from my mother and then went right into the manager meeting where I had to get it thrown in my face AGAINNNN that I'm a fuckup who's doing nothing right, as if Saturday wasn't one of the most humiliating days of my life

I need to fucking scream. I need to fucking break things. But it's nearly 10 pm and I can't do Shit because if I throw shit in my apartment I'll scare my cats and I don't want to break my shit and I can't leave my apartment because it's fucking 10 pm and that's Dangerous but I need to release this energy somehow because I. Am. So. Fucking. Fed UP with life. It feels like no one sees how much I'm trying, it's always always always always my fuckups. Always always always. And meanwhile I've been slipping in a major way and I'm trying so hard to keep myself on track but I am

Needing to calm down. Before I start thinking drastic things.

I'm just so. Fucking. Frustrated.

I'm trying. Does anyone see that I'm trying? Can anyone fucking tell me they see I'm trying?

Of course not. We have to remind me that I'm a fuckup who's awful at their job. Of course :)

[anghraine]

I don't know if it's become more common lately or just grates more after years in academia, but I genuinely dislike the whole "this wildly popular and enormously influential work is fun and it's fine to enjoy it, but there's no need to fool yourself into thinking it's genuinely good and actual Art."

Thanks for the permission, perfect stranger, but I don't get all that invested in things I don't think are good, no matter how conscious I am of their flaws.

I really do think Lord of the Rings is, by and large, a beautifully-written and well-constructed novel. The idea of respecting its trailblazing qualities but insisting that Tolkien is objectively a poor novelist or weak prose stylist is not actually my perspective on it at all. I have criticisms, some more serious than others, but do I still think it's a great work of art? Yes. I think Tolkien is actually incredibly skilled stylistically and shifts between registers and styles in a way that I find really impressive. The obvious point of contrast for me is the Narnia books, which famously he disliked, but which I enjoyed well enough as a kid—Aravis was one of my favorite characters growing up (and she still rules!). But the shifts between registers of style in the Narnia books feel so forced and artificial to me next to Tolkien's far more elegant and controlled handling of shifting registers in The Hobbit and esp LOTR.

I actually feel pretty similarly about the Star Wars original trilogy (blasphemy to some, lol). I think The Empire Strikes Back is, despite occasional misfires, really truly brilliant artistic cinema. I recently watched Flash Gordon, which has similarities of genre and inspiration and came out the exact same year as ESB, and as enjoyable as it is in, uh, realizing its own artistic vision, there's no comparison to ESB. I've seen reviews that can't resist the urge to get in digs at Star Wars even while calling for re-evaluations of Flash Gordon and other 80s schlock (even Starcrash!) and it just seems an absurd degree of snobbery to me, all the more in the context of cheesy movies that owed their existence to Star Wars taking tropes and genres seen as fun but essentially unserious and making beautiful films out of them.

I've even experienced this "it's enjoyable and influential but not great art" snobbery with works that are generally well-regarded. In grad school, other students were genuinely taken aback that I thought Pride and Prejudice is truly one of the greatest novels written in the eighteenth century and one of Austen's best novels. I'd encountered and been annoyed by the whole "oh, a truly discerning, sophisticated taste will prefer Persuasion or Emma" thing, but it didn't even occur to me that it would be at all controversial for me to think P&P is a spectacularly brilliant novel, all the more in the context of its time. But I've encountered quite a bit of discomfort with the idea that P&P is actually great art and not just enjoyable wish-fulfillment in an accessible style. And meanwhile, I'm like ... no, I really do think it is superior in characterization, structure, pacing, style, and cohesion than most English-language novels of its era, including several by Austen herself.

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Plums

main masterlist | marvel masterlist

summary: you plan a surprise birthday gift for bucky

pairing: bucky barnes x female reader

square filled: Plums for @avengers-assemble-bingo ’s Bucky Barnes Birthday Bingo

rating: PG-13

word count: 0.7k

warnings: language, that’s it really

author’s note: happy birthday bucky!!

Everything had to be perfect. The tables all had to be set in the same beautiful way, the banners had to be as straight as a ruler, and the balloons had to be the exact right size. Everything had to be perfect because it was Bucky’s birthday, and he was perfect. You were throwing him a surprise party for his 108th; nothing too fancy, something you knew he’d like.

Sam sprinted into the room you were in. Out of breath, he said, “Bucky’s back early.”

“Shit,” you mumbled. “Alright everyone, we’re going with Plan B. Everyone knows what they need to do to make this party happen?” In return, you received nothing but nods from the other Avengers and people you hired to help decorate one of the compound’s large living rooms. “Sam, can you distract him?”

“I tried, he’s looking for you.”

“Shit, shit, shit,” you repeated. “Okay…” You thought for a moment.

Before you could think too much, the elevator dinged, signaling someone was about to enter the hall adjacent to the room you were now in.

“Shit,” you cursed once again. It was your favorite thing to do at this point. You passed the clipboard in your hand to Sam. “Make sure it’s perfect, Sam. You hear me? Per-fect.”

He nodded vigorously; “Understood.”

“I’ll keep him busy, we’ll be back by six. That gives you just under three hours, you got that?”

“I’ve got it, go,” Sam assured you. 

You hurried to meet Bucky in the hallway so he didn’t see the decorations. 

“Hey,” you greeted him.

“You are a sight for sore eyes, doll,” he sighed, a smile forming on his lips.

“Happy Birthday, Buck,” you said as you walked to him. When you reached him, he scooped you up in his arms and kissed you deeply, your hands going into his hair. “I love you.”

“Love you more,” he said.

“Not fuckin’ possible,” you mumbled against his mouth.

“C’mon, help me drop off this stuff so we can head upstairs.” He said after putting you down. He started walking toward the door, he was merely three yards away from completely ruining the surprise.

“NO!��� you exclaimed. “I mean… no. Let’s go out and do something.”

“Now? Hun, I’m tired as fuck I just wanna go to bed.”

“But it’s your birthday!”

“Yes, and we live in a beautiful fortress that we never need to leave cause we have everything we could ever want inside these walls.”

“Plums!” you blurted, wanting to stop him from taking another step.

“Huh?”

“We have no plums in the compound!”

“...So?”

“We need plums! Let’s go to the farmer’s market for plums!”

“You know you’re lucky you’re so goddamn pretty.” Bucky shook his head. “Fine, let’s go to the farmer’s market for some plums.”

**

“Be honest with me,” Bucky started, “you just needed to get me off the property ‘cause you’re throwing a huge party funded by none other than Tony Stark?”

“Bucky, does that really sound like something I would do?”

“Short answer? Yes.”

You playfully slapped his upper arm. “I know you hate parties and attention, why would I subject you to that?”

“Because you love parties and are hoping I’ll forgive you for throwing one for me.”

“Bucky, I promise you, anything I am allegedly planning will be nothing but a good experience for you.”

“Uh huh.” He shook his head.

**

Bucky expected to walk through the door and two dozen people were going to scream “surprise”. Instead, the lights were dim and the living room had several small dining tables set up like an expensive restaurant. Everyone was already seated, not wearing anything fancy. 

You led Bucky to the table with a golden tablecloth as opposed to white like the others. 

Bucky should’ve known to expect something perfectly catered to him — the perfect mix between a party and a date with just the two of you. He should’ve known you knew him so well that the birthday you gave him would be nothing short of perfect.

[luvkyu]

my everything ( jeon wonwoo )

wonwoo x male!reader

wonwoo prepares something special for his boyfriend.

content : 2k words, fluff, some light suggestive lines, idol!wonu x non celeb!reader

wonwoo sat in front of his laptop, eyes narrowed and brows knit together in focus. the only light in the room came from the screen and a bit from the master bathroom, as the light was left on by his now absent boyfriend.

seventeen was currently on vacation in jeju. wonwoo managed to convince their manager to let y/n come along, all of them renting out a large house on a secluded part of the beach for a week. he and y/n were in a shared master suite with a glass door overlooking the beach, while the other members shared their own rooms.

with only a day gone by of their vacation so far, wonwoo was getting more and more nervous about a plan he'd come up with weeks ago for y/n. he sighed as his sleepiness began to tug at him, removing his glasses to rub his eyes.

he was about to look back at his computer when several loud knocks came from the glass door. he jumped, quickly shutting the laptop and looking over to see jeonghan, joshua, and chan eagerly waving at him from outside. wonwoo rolled his eyes, knowing he should've expected something like this from them.

he got up and went over to unlock the door, the others letting themselves in.

"what'cha lookin' at over there??" joshua teased as he gestured to the male's now closed laptop.

"yeah, you closed that shit real fast. you got lotion somewhere? tissues?" chan added.

wonwoo rolled his eyes again at the insinuation.

"no, no. he has y/n here for that exact reason," jeonghan answered. the three of them burst into a fit of laughter while wonwoo stifled a small chuckle and shook his head.

"shut up. you guys are weird," he finally said as he went to sit back down.

"where is y/n, actually?" jeonghan asked after noticing he wasn't in the room.

"he's out with seungkwan, i think."

they all nodded at wonwoo's answer as joshua gave him a mischievous smile.

"so really, what were you doing?"

"..nothing."

"tsk. whatever you say," jeonghan pouted.

"c'mon, i'm nosy! pleeeease," joshua said again, the other two nodding along eagerly. wonwoo sighed again before finally turning in his seat and slowly opening the laptop back.

the screen lit up as the boys gathered around their groupmate, now seeing the list he'd made that was titled "proposal ideas for y/n ❤️".

"holy shit.." jeonghan muttered, his jaw falling agape.

"you're proposing to y/n??! like, marriage?!" chan screamed. wonwoo's eyes went wide as he watched all three of them basically jump out of their skin in excitement.

"wait, you're proposing here in jeju?!"

"how long have you been planning this??"

"do you have a ring for him?!"

wonwoo's heart hammered against his chest as he tried to take in all their questions and enthusiasm. he was already beyond nervous about proposing to y/n, and this was not helping.

"guys, calm.."

the others simmered down a bit, though still obviously dying to celebrate for their friend.

"alright," wonwoo began, "yes, i was planning a proposal while we're here since it's so beautiful. but now i'm second guessing how i'm gonna ask him."

the nervousness in wonwoo's voice was easy to hear, making the others become more serious.

"i'm sure what you have planned is perfect. the proposal itself is already huge as it is, you don't need to make any grand gesture," joshua comforted. the others nodded in agreement while wonwoo looked at them.

"plus, you can't really do a public proposal or anything cause people could find out.." chan said sadly.

"yeah, exactly. but i don't think a public thing would suit us anyways," wonwoo responded. "plus, i think it'll be a much more intimate experience if we're alone, y'know? and if he rejects me then no one will have to know."

"he's not gonna reject you!!" jeonghan scolded with a small hit to wonwoo's shoulder. the latter laughed and nodded.

"let's hope so.. i was planning to just take him on a walk on the beach to do it. i thought that'd be really romantic, but now i dunno.."

"oh my god, it is! do that, he'll love it!!" chan screamed again. wonwoo laughed at the male's eager energy.

"thanks for being so supportive, guys."

"wha.. of course. that's what we're here for, idiot," jeonghan responded.

"so, do you have a ring for him already?" joshua asked. wonwoo's eyes brightened, getting up again and heading toward his suitcase. before he could retrieve the ring though, the bedroom door suddenly opened to reveal his boyfriend.

"wonuuuuu!! ..oh, hey guys!"

"hey, babe. back already?" wonwoo asked. y/n skipped up to him and gave his lips a small kiss before nodding.

"mhm! we only went to get some ice cream. what're you guys doing?"

"not much, just talking," wonwoo replied, slipping his hand into y/n's. the latter smiled and nodded as he now looked at the others. joshua and jeonghan looked like they had small tears in their eyes while chan held back his excitement. y/n's brows furrowed at the unusual behavior.

"you guys okay..?"

"huh? oh, yes! we're fine!" joshua immediately answered. a nervous laugh left wonwoo's lips, now beginning to usher the three of them back outside to continue their night swim.

"g'night, brats!"

"hey, two of us are older than y-"

"good night!" wonwoo said again before closing the door completely and adjusting the curtains. he turned back to see a slightly concerned y/n with raised brows.

"that was.. odd."

wonwoo sighed and walked back over to him to take both his hands.

"they're odd," he corrected. he placed a gentle kiss on y/n's forehead before resuming, "let's get ready for bed?"

y/n smiled now and nodded happily.

"yes please."

y/n awoke the next morning to see the ceiling of his and wonwoo's temporary room. he groaned at the realization that it was already time to get up before he rolled over to cuddle closer to his boyfriend, frowning when seeing that the male wasn't there.

"wonwoo?" he called tiredly as he sat up. wonwoo's head poked out of the bathroom to see the other awake and squinting while his eyes adjusted.

"good morning, my love."

y/n's view quickly shifted to finally see him, a large smile stretching on his lips as a result.

"morning, wonu," he responded happily. wonwoo stepped out of the bathroom in only some shorts, drying his washed hair with a towel. he walked over to their bed to give y/n a deep kiss on his lips.

"wanna go on a morning walk with me?" he asked. y/n's eyes brightened at the idea. he nodded and began getting out of their bed.

"let me put my contacts in and get a shirt and we can go," wonwoo said.

"noo, you look so good just like that. hottest boyfriend ever," y/n praised, making wonwoo blush a bit as he felt the former's eyes scan his body. his broad frame and messy hair made y/n fall in love all over again. his eyes traveled from wonwoo's glasses to the print of his phone in his shorts pocket, which looked rather bulky in y/n's opinion, but he paid the thought no mind.

"alright, just a shirt then," wonwoo compromised.

"tsk, fine."

once the couple made their way onto the beach, they walked at a comfortably slow pace with connected hands, enjoying the sea breeze and clear sky. wonwoo looked over at y/n a few times while trying to think of how to start a conversation for a proposal. y/n was simply too distracting though. wonwoo found that he couldn't think straight, entranced by his partner.

y/n finally felt the other's gaze on him after a moment and looked at him. he smiled in content and squeezed wonwoo's hand.

"you okay?" y/n asked.

wonwoo looked down now. he watched the sand move with their footprints and the waves meet their skin. y/n stopped at the lack of an answer, a little worried now.

"wonwoo?"

"hm? oh yes sorry, i'm okay," he finally said. y/n was not convinced.

"do you need to talk, or..?"

wonwoo looked at him again, his mind screaming at him to just do it already.

"no no, i'm really okay, baby. just thinking," he assured. y/n nodded and gave him a satisfied grin as they began walking again.

wonwoo watched y/n's attention go back to the waves of the ocean while his hair and clothing moved with the wind. he didn't think he'd ever felt this nervous around him. it was an odd feeling, as y/n's presence had always been comforting and warm. but now, it was like wonwoo couldn't stop shaking around him.

"y/n?" he finally spoke up as they stopped again.

"hm?"

wonwoo gazed at y/n's gentle eyes and the cute smile he always got when he felt content in a certain moment. he took a deep breath and now held tightly onto his boyfriend's hands.

"i have something i want to ask you.. but i'm not exactly sure how to bring up something like this, so i'm just gonna say it."

y/n looked at him, a little nervous himself. he nodded for the other to continue.

"i'm so.. just, incredibly in love with you. i have been for years. i really can't imagine a life without you in it, by my side," wonwoo paused, letting go of y/n's hands to reach in his pocket and pull out a black ring box. y/n's jaw instantly fell as he realized what was happening.

"wonwoo," y/n was speechless, watching his boyfriend turn the open box toward him.

"y/n, will you-"

"yes."

wonwoo blinked. a smile broke onto his lips, a little in shock.

"really?"

"yes," y/n said again, trying to contain his happiness. wonwoo let the response sink in before hugging him tightly. both were smiling ear to ear as they tried to grasp the situation.

wonwoo pulled away to look at him, chuckling a bit at the happy tears leaving the other's eyes. he carefully wiped them away before their lips met passionately. this didn't last long though, as it was hard to kiss when neither could stop smiling.

"oh my god," y/n mumbled in disbelief. wonwoo laughed again and took the ring from it's box. he gave y/n another ecstatic grin as he slid the piece of jewelry onto his finger.

"does it fit okay?"

y/n looked at the engagement band while twirling it around his finger. it was a metallic black color with a matte grey strand running through the middle.

"it's a tiny bit big, but that'll be easily fixed."

wonwoo nodded, gazing at him as he admired the ring. y/n quickly looked back up at him and gave him another short kiss.

"i love you so much," wonwoo said a bit quietly. "i can't explain how much i love you, you're my everything, y/n."

"damn it, wonu, stop making me cry," y/n mumbled, wiping his eyes. he took wonwoo's hands back and and composed himself. "i love you too, more than anything."

the pair continued walking for another minute, reveling in the feeling of their new engagement. y/n's eyes soon drifted back down to their connected hands. the presence of his new ring made his heart swell. he then looked to wonwoo again, who was already looking back at him. he leaned over to give y/n another soft kiss on his temple.

"let's go back and tell the guys?" wonwoo asked eagerly. he watched excitement wash over y/n all over again.

"they're going to ruin our eardrums with their screaming," y/n joked. wonwoo snickered and nodded, swinging their hands back and forth as they began walking back toward the house.

"yeah, but it'll be worth it."

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Yo man, I like reading your posts and your thoughts. It inspires me.

There were a few questions that I asked anonymously, but reading everything you wrote, and thanks to you, I changed my attitude towards Killer as a character (to be honest, I hated him before, as well as his duo with Color). And also, like one anon person, I love Delta.

How do you do it, inspire and change opinions about characters?

I become obsessed about them and learn everything I can and then yap about it on the internet. /hj

Also a lot of killers story requires even a base level understanding in psychology and abuse and trauma, I feel. Especially things like prolonged intense coercion, and dissociative disorders, paired with severe CPTSD. And I love psychology so he quickly became a favorite of mine.

A lot of my fixation towards killer actually came from the fact that—no one could seem to understand or agree on things about killer’s canon story (which in large part is because a lot of killer’s canon was unfortunately deleted, including an entire ask blog.)

So i went looking myself, found what i could, shared it around everywhere i could reach—and then started doing research and analysis, and sharing those too.

But also from what I can see, the UTMV fandom back then was all really young—focusing more on black and white, “good” and “bad” morality. Creepypasta-esque. Instead of acknowledging Something New for the tragedy and psychological horror it is.

It was never as simple as “sans goes crazy and kills everyone” or “evil Chara possesses sans to kill everyone” or “sans gets bored and kills for fun.” It was all deliberate, pointed towards a goal—and sans completely lost himself until he became something so completely foreign and unrecognizable. which was all intentional.

and another thing I love about killer is that he’s definitely not a “perfect victim.” He was a victim sure, and he was made and taught to be this way, but it doesn’t change the fact that this victim has victims and he’s still an awful, shitty person. there are completely valid reasons to despise that bitch, and everyone is well within their rights to do so (Delta and Delta lovers deserve to punch killer and humble him ong) even as he attempts to work on himself and actually process his trauma that had been going for an unknown amount of time.

(which still fascinates me. there is a period of time in Chara and killer’s partnership that we are unlikely to ever see. we have no clue just how long they were together. killer himself probably isn’t sure—maybe they were always together.)

and color is an interesting piece of psychology too. I completely understand why he inspires hope in killer—hope that change is possible, that safety is possible, that something better out there can exist. that not everyone with power seeks to harm and control, that not everything is control or be controlled or kill or be killed, that some things do matter. that what he wants matters. that someone out there still cares about him, and unlike papyrus or the rest of the underground—is willing to fight for him, too.

(of course, papyrus was willing to die if it made sans happy. but he was never willing to fight to make sans happy, as far as killer can see.)

color has really lost everything and everyone in his attempts to save them. he fought and fought and fought—until as a last ditch effort, he makes a desperate choice. and it works, but it dooms him. only, it didn’t actually work, because the feeling of the Genocide route is coming back—and it’s happening again.

We can see this same exact thing with killer, too. Nightmare replaces Killers when they are killed or no longer useful. Color can see right through Killer—he knows he doesn’t actually want this life. He just doesn’t know anything different anymore.

And so Color spends so long trying to get Killer to admit to what he actually wants—and when he does, when Killer finally just admits he wants his old life back—his brother, his family, he wants to be Sans again. Color doesn’t tell him it’s likely impossible—instead he offers to help.

And when Killer asks Color to save him, Color takes to it loyally. It’s not hard to imagine that Color tried and failed to help save and protect many, many, many Killers.

And yet with each devastating failure, he keeps getting up and going and persevering. Because he has to, because it’s the right thing to do, because Killer asked him to, because Killer needs help, because he cares so much about Killer, because Color can’t leave him alone or forget about him the way he was forgotten. No one else is going to care enough to reach out and try with Killer—and Killer isn’t likely to trust anyone else who tries.

Even Color has to work hard to earn and maintain Killer’s trust. A single slip up could send Killer recoiling and snapping at any hand that attempts to touch him. So despite how desperately Color wants to save him, keep him safe, take care of him—he knows he needs to go at Killer’s pace.

He needs to be patient, and he needs to be consistent, and he needs to be open and as honest as possible—even if it’s hard, and he needs to be careful around Killer, too.

He can’t allow his emotions to drive him completely, to make him blind to Killer’s violence and apathy and manipulation and controlling behaviors—not only because for his own well being, but because Killer would definitely lose any respect he has for him if he thinks Color can’t see him for what he is. He can’t allow Killer to think that he is weak—someone easily trusting, or naive, or easily led and used and taken advantage of.

He has to maintain a balance between that, and just being himself—practicing what he preaches, because killer will notice; he is watching. Color’s goal isn’t to fix him, that’s something killer has to want for himself, he’s just here because he wants to help and Killer asked for the help he needs—even if Killer’s SOUL Stages make him have conflicting viewpoints and desires, if any at all. He has to show up for Killer consistently, show he isn’t trying to use or control him, and be true to himself.

Of course, the journey to actually getting there would likely be a struggle for them both, but they’re both determined enough to try, I think.

Anyway rant over. So that’s basically what I do; get curious, go digging and researching and get obsessed and then make my thoughts and interpretations everyone else’s problem.

{ @ferociousperson }

[daughterofheartshaven]

This is a post about my opinions about several prominent Doctor Who ships. I think they're all very valid! Any ship in Doctor Who is valid! But also I'm gonna be going into why I don't engage with them in some length, so if you're not in the mood for a breakdown of why I don't think your favorite Doctor Who ship doesn't make sense to me personally, then this post is not for you. Also, if you don't know, I am incredibly ace/aro, so this effects quite a lot about how I see ships.

Thanks @stopmyhearts for letting me know at least someone wanted to see this. Like a month ago but whatever.

Okay, so I think the biggest ship in all of Doctor Who is either Doctor/Master or Doctor/Tardis. I've seen people refer to both as basically universal, and that annoys me. If you ship either or both, that is completely valid! But, like, I can't even see where either is even coming from?

This probably deserves some more articulation than I can give it right now. I'll circle back around to this one later and maybe explain my position more.

My thoughts on some other Doctor Who ships I see, in no real order:

Doctor/Rose: Fine, I guess? I don't tend to like this, since I see a lot of people shipping this going "Rose was the most perfect special character ever", and, like. That's a valid opinion to have. I just firmly disagree. I think Rose is a great character, but not always the nicest person, and that her relationship with the Doctor (romantic or otherwise) was increasingly unhealthy by the point of Army of Ghosts / Doomsday.

Doctor/River: I like it. That being said, I think the Doctor is sex-neutral ace and on the aromantic spectrum, and is doing the romance and sex and dates thing with River because he loves her. He doesn't necessarily love her in that exact way, but she's important to him, so he wants to do things that make her happy even if he wouldn't care about them. Like having sex.

Doctor/Charley: I love the results we get from Charley crushing on the Doctor and the Doctor going "help I love you platonically" and all the fallout from that, so very firmly like their dynamic to remain like that.

Kate Stewart/Osgood or Kate Stewart/Mel: This is another one I just really don't like. I personally read Kate as straight, but even if you don't like that, I think any ship like that contradicts her being a very professional person who wouldn't date anyone on her staff. Kate has a personal life that she keeps out of her work and she keeps her work out of her personal life.

Doctor/Romana: To me, I don't think their relationship would be romantic in human terms, but the level of closeness they have would feel romantic to the largely aromantic Gallifrey. If that makes any sense.

Tegan/Nyssa: I can see it - with the caveat that Tegan was super closeted and embarrassed about the whole thing and so the two of them kept it secret bc Tegan wasn't comfortable with being public about that and Nyssa went along with that bc she obviously cares about Tegan's comfort. Not sure if I like to headcanon it or not, but I definitely see it.

Leela/Romana: I can't see it. Unlike some of the other ships here I have literally nothing against it, I just can't see it. This also applies to basically any other ship involving the Gallifrey cast.

Doctor/Jamie: I can see it, but I'm on the side of "they're platonic they're just a big fan of platonic cuddles". The Second Doctor era is especially important to me, and as someone who likes a platonic cuddle herself, seeing two friends just do that matters to me.

Doctor/Yaz: I really like the way the show handled this, actually. I get that that's not a popular opinion, but I think acknowledging that there were mutual feelings but that the Doctor just can't have a relationship like that makes perfect sense.

Doctor/Clara: Honestly, I don't care enough about Clara to form an opinion here. I guess it makes sense looked through the lens of how the Doctor kinda-but-not-really does romance.

If you want my take on a Doctor Who ship that I didn't just mention, feel free to ask

[thekingofwinterblog]

The Problem With Yasopp

So like many people I was genuinely surprised by Netflix One Piece, adaption, which turned out the exact opposite of pretty much every single travesty that america has made when adapting Manga and Anime.

It certainly was not without flaws, for one thing it needed to be at least 3-5 episodes longer in order to fix it's pacing issues if it wanted to get all of East Blue into one season, and the fight scenes while very well choreographed, didn't exactly sell me on the superhuman strength of most of these characters.

However, there was one thing that genuinely pissed me off, in large part because the american adapters changed something they didn't like, in order to fit "western sensibilites" and in doing so, completely missing the point, and frankly tragedy of the original context.

That of course, is the character of Usopp's relationship with his parents Yasopp and Banchina, and the rather sad tale of plans going completely arry due to twists of fate.

In the west, the character of Yasopp has been a rather contentious one, for several reasons, but also one that has been a bit altered by the changes from Japanese to English.

Yasopp is critiqued heavily by people who don't like him for abandoning his kid, and his wife to seek adventure on the high seas. Now this is not untrue, but there is a bit of context here that's a bit lost in translation.

And you can really tell that, because the way Netflix portrays Yasopp leaving is the surface level one you might get if you just read Syrup Village arc, and you don't pay any attention at all to the timeline given.

In the neflix series, it's explicitly said that Yasopp left Usopp and his mother while Usopp was still a baby. That is such a common reading, that it's actually what the One Piece Wiki claims happened(Another example of why you should always be critical of Wiki's).

The actual Manga tells a different story.

Yasopp left Syrup village right before Banchina unexpedetly got sick with the disease that ultimatly killed her.

When Usopp is so touchy against Kuro about him badmouting his father, it's not in the context of him idolizing some father he never met, because Usopp and Yasopp knew and loved each other dearly. Usopp's wish to see his dad again isn't some wish to meet the father he only knows through stories, but to reconnect with the dad he loved so much growing up and was sad when he left.

And then of course there is the glory of mistraslation. If you've read this part of the manga, you might rightly be wondering, what sort of woman would be proud of the man who abandoned her to take care of their kid while he sought adventure.

The answer, which the english translation does not give, is a woman who was the one to convince him to go out on that journey in the first place.

Because that is what happened in the orignal manga. It was Banchina, for reasons we don't fully understand or have the context for, eho convinced her husband to go out and seek his dreams.

That's the reason why she is so certain Yasopp will NOT be coming home, but why she is also not bitter about it. She was the one who encouraged Yasopp to go out to sea, while she stayed home and took care of their kid, until he grew old enough to care for himself, and seek the seas himself if he wished.

The story of Yasopp, Usopp and his wife is a genuine tragedy, but not because Yasopp abandoned Usopp before he ever got to know him, but because Usopp's parents made plans for the future, that while not perfect by any stretch, seemed workable enough... only for the entire thing to come crumbling down after Yasopp left due to something as mundane as a random disease.

One can certainly make an argument that this was NOT the best course of action for Yasopp and Banchina to take, but it's not the complete deadbeat dad who abandons his baby trope that the Netflix series portrays it as.

Further hammering in that this was a bit more complicated than that, Yasopp seems to have been one of the very first crew members Shanks tried to recruit, having sought him out not long after Roger died... And Yasopp seems to have flat out rejected him, as he stayed with Banchina for years and years afterwards.

It adds a lot of context to the idea that Banchina was the one who ultimately convinced Yasopp to go out and chase his dreams while she took care of the kid... Because it took years and years for it to ultimately conclude at this course of action. Yasopp would continue to reject Shanks offer to join him for years to instead to take care of his wife and kid, until about a year before Shanks met Luffy, when his wife told him to go.

It's a hell of a lot more nuanced and interesting than what Netflix did, that's for damn sure.

[notjustjavierpena]

The Making of Ellie - Part V: Happy

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: I've crawled out of my depression hole to give you the last epilogue-esque part of The Making of Ellie. Watch me disappear again now.

Summary: Joel's thoughts surrounding fatherhood and newborn Ellie.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader/you (no y/n)

Tags: Joel’s POV, domesticated Joel Miller, thoughts of fatherhood, mention of Sarah’s mother, breastfeeding

Word count: 1.1k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49183051/chapters/124097539

Happy

Ellie is the tiniest baby Joel has ever seen and with the loudest voice, Joel has ever heard. She seems to sport her mother’s temper from the moment that she is born, and he knows from the get-go that she will have Sarah’s ability to persuade him to do anything just by merely existing. She fits in both of his palms which is unfathomable even if he knows that he has big hands, fits on top of your belly too, her previous home, if she’s curled into a little ball, and you call him a goof whenever he utters ‘Bellie’ under his breath whilst admiring her sleeping on you. The first time he had said it, your soft laugh had made Ellie cry again yet not as fiercely, and Joel had argued that she liked the nickname. 

“We need to monitor her heart rate,” a nurse had said after the first few hours that the two of you had had Ellie alone. Joel was reluctant to hand her over at first, but when he got her back into his arms, her sporting a little blue monitor around her ankle, that same nurse had made him flush when she praised him for evening out her rapid pulse by doing skin-to-skin contact. 

It’s pretty much all he does now; holds her tiny body in his hands with his shirt off so he can feel his daughter properly, connect with her as you get much-needed rest in between feedings. 

He has also proclaimed that he can tell the difference between Ellie’s cries. You say that ‘it’s been two days’, but he is certain and confident in his abilities. This isn’t his first time at the rodeo. Ellie’s cries have different pitches when she’s in his or your arms compared to when she’s getting picked up by the nurses. He has to stop himself from interfering with their work, mostly by your request, but he still hovers around the hospital staff whenever they are in your room. 

“She’s too tiny, we need to keep an eye on her weight,” they say. By instinct, he wants to say that she is perfect just the way she is. She’ll get there. She’s strong. He can tell. 

“Silly man,” you say into a kiss when you notice his pacing as nurses bathe or weigh her, and Joel is absolutely fine with being just that. A silly, foolish man with a desperate need to look out for his three girls despite no danger lurking around the corner. But then again? Isn’t being a parent equal to living in fear of losing said child? Ellie has only been in the real world for two days, and he would burn the world down to the ground if it meant that she would be safer. 

Joel knows that he has been here before. Sarah, albeit not as tiny, made him feel the exact same things that he is going through right now but still, there’s a part of him that has forgotten just how nerve-wracking having an infant is and just how much it fucks with the perception of everything. Whilst being terrified, he loves Ellie so intensely that it makes his head swim and he looks at you nervously as you announce that you can go home soon. He doesn’t get how you can say it and be so calm. 

You go home a week after Ellie is born, with a pink little hat on her head that is still a bit too large for her despite it being the smallest size they had. He drives the car under the speed limit. He checks the roads several times before turning. 

Sarah and Tommy wait for you in the kitchen, coming to greet you at the front door, and Joel does the pat-on-the-back hug with his brother who immediately fusses over Ellie as much as himself. He mentions that he and Maria might have one too, and makes a joke about Joel beating him to fatherhood once again. 

“She’s tiny,” he also says as Ellie cries, rocking her in his arms whilst Sarah runs a hand over her baby sister’s head. She has removed the hat after claiming that it’s falling into Ellie’s eyes, and whereas Joel would have protested the act in the hospital, he finds that he absolutely trusts his oldest daughter. 

“Don’t say that,” she chimes in, and then like she has read his mind despite them being apart for a week, “She’s perfect.” 

Joel catches your eye across the room at that. You look at him with the gentlest smile, and despite all his efforts to appear as the strong protector for a whole week in the hospital with you and his newborn baby, he feels the facade crumbling and it allows him to feel safe, happy and relaxed. He cries then, excuses himself to breathe in the crisp air outside in the place where he realized his love for you a few years back. 

Later, when the house empties - Tommy leaving with the excuse of letting you be a family of four - and everyone goes to bed, he settles into a new routine with you. 

He assembled the bassinet a few weeks ago, and he holds you as the two of you stare down at the tiny life that you’ve made together. Ellie sleeps with her arms above her head and kicks her legs when she wakes up crying in the middle of the night.

He tells you that he’ll get her, lays her against his naked chest until she simply coos instead of screaming, “That’s it, baby girl. No need to use that tone with your father. No monsters here, Bellie.”

When she starts moving her hand to her mouth, smacking her lips, and looking around, he rubs your back and tells you that Ellie is hungry, “Lookin’ for ya.”

You sit up in bed, barely awake as you nurse his daughter back to sleep. He admires the scene and knows how lucky he is; in his 40s and experiencing the greatest gift of life that he’ll ever receive once more. He gets sentimental about it too, thinking of the intimacy of seeing Ellie getting fed by her mother when he never got to with Sarah’s. It wasn’t good with the chemo that never saved her. 

Joel has never been able to pinpoint what had shifted the moment that he had let you into his life but with the comfort of knowing that Sarah is sleeping soundly in her own room, and by listening to the soft noises of you and Ellie sleeping occupying the room that had been so used to the sound of nothing, he knows that before, he had been satisfied but now, he is happy.

.

.

If you would like to follow my writing then go follow @notjustjavierpena-fics and turn on notifications 💖❤️

[the-way-astray]

thinking thoughts about gay fitz. how his arc has been gearing for him to step away from his family name, reputation, or legacy. how he has all those expectations on him and may mold himself to fit them rather than trust himself. etc etc.

also one more thing i thought of… (unraveled spoilers ahead!!) why the fuck didn’t keefe ask alvar about the vacker legacy even though it has been set up as a mediumish to largely important plot thread??

i think shannon needs to hire one fan/stan and one non-fan of each of her characters as a committee to make her books theeee best that they can be. lol.

good night!! it is 11pm. if it isn’t for you, have a great day ahead!!

hi, anon! those are certainly some thoughts you have there.

keefe didn't ask alvar about that because sophie already asked alvar about it in legacy. he said the troll hive was the extent of the research alvar himself had conducted, but that he suspected that his family had other buried secrets because of the sheer amount of power they held (but that he didn't actually know anything else for certain). so alvar wouldn't know anything more. and honestly? i don't think shannon will continue with the vacker legacy plot thread. it's wrapped up pretty nicely as it is right now, and revisiting it would take away precious space that could be allocated to closing plot threads that are actually still open. so, while i personally was not satisfied with the vacker legacy as a plot thread and would prefer shannon expanded upon it and gave us something more interesting, i also think that it's just not a priority anymore. it's been wrapped up. in a satisfying way? absolutely not. but it's been wrapped up nonetheless. so. that's a thing.

as for gay fitz, i agree!!!! i've talked about it briefly in this post where i mention several ways i would change kotlc, and one of those is that i would make fitz end up with dex because it would make his arc of stepping away from his family name so much more . . . cemented. (i also said in that post that my version of kotlc would have the elves not being queerphobic but unraveled shattered that so. we ignore that part i guess.) i think if he was gay in the (now canonically homophobic) lost cities, it would go a long way in making his arc about matchmaking and generally stepping away from being the perfect vacker and liking being a vacker and whatnot come full circle.

i personally don't think shannon's going to do it. and i also don't actually want her to do it. between the way fitz is dogpiled on by pretty much every non-tumblr fandom and the disastrous reception the three (3) mentions of gay people in unraveled received, i can't imagine this can go any way that could be considered good if it was canon. i talked about this same exact thing in a similar post about poc vackers a while ago, where i basically said the same thing (except it was about race instead of sexuality).

but, yeah, the headcanon absolutely slaps hard. fanon-wise, i'm personally more partial to keefitz, but i think in canon fedex is the superior ship. it's just better for both their arcs. as for fitz growing to realize that he doesn't have to mold himself to fit the overbearing vacker reputation, i think it would be so cool if he realized that because of a conversation with dex. dex is a noble, now, after all. there could be some connection there about how dex maybe feels pressure because of that but he's still not willing to sacrifice what he believes in or something idk.

my toxic trait is that i genuinely believe i could fix keefe. i could fix him . . . i could make him such a good character . . . shannon should give him to me. and yeah. she needs to do that with all the characters. at this point only stan-hater pairs could fix these guys . . .

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

So, as I mentioned in my last post, this is the tale of my Lord of the Rings books, and why I didn't possess a copy of them for seven years until now.

Years ago, sometime in the late 70s/early 80s, a decade or two before I was born in this mortal form, my mom recieved a beautiful box set of the Lord of the Rings series from her grandmother, as either a birthday or Christmas gift.

Those of you who have have been my moots for a while may know that my mom passed away unexpectedly when I was in my late teens, and that I was incredibly close with her. I won't get into why she was so amazing. Just that she was, and if I can ever even be half as good a person and parent and friend as she was then I'll consider my life well-lived.

She and my Nana (her mother, who passed a few years before her, also unexpectedly) amassed a large collection of books in their lifetime in general. A TON of horror and fantasy and science fiction, mostly. I inherited all of them. Intended to eventually pass them on myself, whether to a niece or nephew or mayve eventually to a child of my own (back then I doubted I'd ever be a mother).

Flash forward eight years to 2017. The apartment I'd been living in for two years had gone up astronomically in rent, and I geot laid off from work. I had to give up a lot of things I'd had for years. I had to put most of my books in a storage unit until I found somewhere to go.

My best friend of several years took me in. I stayed with her and her wife until 2019. Her wife decided to move in her mother, and I essentially got kicked out to make room for her, and had to move into a small pop-up camper at my dad's house for a while, while the possessions that I had to leave behind were either left to either rot or to get sold by my friend and her wife.

In that time, between 2017 and 2019, the majority of my books stayed first in a dingy rented storage unit, and then later in my friend's outdoor storage shed. Several of them ended up severely water-damaged from moisture and condensation. Included among them was this beautiful Lord of the Rings box set that my mom had gotten from her grandmother, that essentially started her portion of the book collection that ended up becoming ruined under my ownership.

I never completely forgave myself for letting the books get destroyed. Between being evicted from my apartment and then kicked out by my best friend and her now ex-wife, I had been in a very bad mental state for a long time, and gave up a lot of things that I once held very dear. But I never forgave myself for losing the books, especially that one LotR collection, and never sought out any replacements because of it. I largely stopped reading altogether because of it. I used to read almost every day. After I lost those books, I largely lost the desire. I've tried and tried, but never could finish much. I'm ashamed to say that I can honestly count on one hand how many books I've finished reading since 2019.

Flash forward to a couple weeks ago. I was on Etsy gift shopping for someone, and also in the middle of watching Rings of Power. And something just struck me to search for vintage LotR books. Didn't really have much hope, just wanted to see what was there.

And I found it. The exact set I had lost.

And it was actually in my price range.

There wasn't anything terribly special about it compared either to older hardcover editions, or to newer prettier collector's editions.

It wasn't in perfect condition, either. But neither was my mom's.

Hers was worn with years of love and adoration, with nicks and bends and discoloration in the covers and pages; and so was this one, so much that it looked almost identical to hers.

And I just couldn't let them go.

And now they're mine again.

I legitimately cried when they got here. Now, after years of beating myself up, I feel better about replacing what I lost to circumstances largely beyond my own control, by giving a new home these books that were clearly just as loved and cherished as those I lost.

Lord of the Rings has been my comfort-series for a long time. I rewatch the films any time I need a boost, and now I can reread the books again as well. To remind myself that even the smallest person can do amazing things. That even the tiniest glimmer of hope can prevail over the worst of odds. That, as our Sam told us, "There's some good in the world, Mister Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."

[molldurmage]

my awesome post on the internet regarding my thoughts and feelings on this tweat i saw reblogged on one of the blogs i scroll thru when i'm bored

1. "fascists can never do this" fascists are unfortunately human beings who can and will do whatever they want, pretending Good Art can only be made by Good People only serves their ideology. also severance is owned by fucking Apple TV don't be dense

2. (rude, just my opinion) severance is not nearly as incredible as people think, it's just popular and the experience of sharing something with a large group of people is really nice and fun. autism style i wish ppl would just talk normal and say what they like, rather than putting things on a pedestal just to show off that they are part of the In Group

3. (just my reading now) i have complex feelings abt fan responses to mr. milchick being forced to dance/perform, his plotline this season has very specifically been about lumon's anti-blackness and cruelty toward Him Specifically as a black man. i felt there was a Really clear point being made with milchick being forced to perform fake banter with an animatronic of the racist eugenicist cult leader of the company, Then being forced to do a literal song and dance show. obv there's a levity aspect to it, there's a lot of cogs moving too, but like. imo to read that scene primarily as "beautiful" is to fall for the exact tricks lumon pulls on their employees - pretty lights cool dance big band wow! you're not looking at what's going on, you're not seeing the decades-old pain and determination in milchick and the absolute precision of every move (bc to move one's own body too autonomously is a punishable sin). not to be silly but there's lichrally a reason his moves are so groovy and it's because if his moves are ungroovy he is Fucked Forever. as in God banishes him he's homeless and utterly alone and forsaken.

the aesthetics of that scene are "beautiful" in the way lumon idealizes - clean, controlled, perfect, extremely simplified. sterile. it represents the spell lumon tries so hard to keep everyone under and that everyone Knows is just one man's fucked up power trip, but has to take part in to survive it. like they were NOT being subtle with the white supremacy stuff i promise it's not fucken hard to see that this scene is meant to impress the eye in a Very Specific Way. in that way, i find it unsettling that the twitter person saw "hope for the future" in that scene, cuz to me that shit was BLEAKKKK. i could 100% be misinterpreting, it's one tweet from a random person, but like. they might be incorrectly watching something i like. They must be corrected.

4. this is how i talk about youtube poop also

[biconickyoshi]

hey there!

this might be like a weird ask, but i've seen you post a lot about the legend of korra, so.

do you think it's worth watching the show? i've been avoiding it for a while now simply because i'm afraid it's gonna disappoint. i know it is a separate narrative with entirely new characters, but from the few scenes i've seen it just looks sooooo different from the gaang's story that i'm just afraid they've butchered the original universe. plus, my favorite character from atla is aang, and i do not know if any character from korra will have that same kind of charm.

on the other hand, i know it attracts a lot of fans. what do you think?:)

(btw, amazzzzzzing job on both your zukaang fanfic and the artwork for it !!)

Hi anon! :) This isn't a weird ask at all, I'd be happy to help!

So the short answer is: yes, I think it's worth watching! I know exactly how you feel - Aang is also my favorite AtLA character, so I was also very apprehensive when LoK was first announced way back in like 2011. But my apprehension didn't stop me from looking forward to and eventually enjoying it, mainly because AtLA was/still is my strongest and longest running hyperfixation to date, and I (especially at that time) was willing to consume any scrap of media related to it lol. We were very starved for content in the olden days :')

I'll go ahead and give you a spoiler-free breakdown of the four LoK seasons - this might help you decide:

Book 1: Air is definitely is quite a bit different from AtLA (which was done on purpose by the creators to differentiate it so it wouldn't just feel like the exact same show). Book 1 is still my least favorite of the LoK seasons for this reason (as well as for questionable writing decisions), but there are still some great moments. You may notice that Book 1 ends very "neatly" - this is because LoK was originally supposed to be a miniseries before Nickelodeon picked it up for 3 more seasons (which I think was a large part of why the writing suffers a lot in the first half of the show as a whole).

Book 2: Spirits also starts out pretty rough (with more questionable writing decisions), but it picks up about halfway through. Some people say this is their least favorite season, but I've always enjoyed it overall a ton more than Book 1. While some of the additions to the lore of the Avatar and the Spirit World are polarizing amongst the fandom (and there are some things I wish they'd done differently), I still ate that shit up when it first aired lol.

Book 3: Change is where, in my and many others' opinions, the show suddenly rises to the same level of quality as AtLA. There's a lot of traveling, we get to see some familiar faces and several classic AtLA locations from Book 2: Earth, the villains are the best villains in any Avatar media, and the plot and emotional core of the season are just so, so good. I can't say any more because I don't want to spoil even a little bit of it. I personally think LoK is worth watching just for this season alone.

Book 4: Balance is not as good as Book 3, but I enjoyed it a lot more than Book 1 and Book 2. It does a really good job of exploring trauma/PTSD and the relevance of the role of the Avatar in a modernizing world, and is a decent followup to Book 3. What happens at the end of Book 4 is also SO culturally impactful (not sure if you know why, but I won't say anything specific), especially for queer AtLA fans such as myself.

While LoK definitely isn't perfect, I still accept it as canon for the world of Avatar, and it's still a show I've rewatched several times (though I tend to skip a lot of Book 1 and the first half of Book 2 when I do lmao). If you decide to watch it, go in with an open mind knowing that it is not going to be exactly like AtLA. Even in the not-as-good seasons, there's still some gems to behold. And what's also nice about LoK is that each season is about 12ish episodes, so you'll get to the really good stuff (Book 3) pretty quickly if you binge lol.

Feel free to send me another ask if you have any more specific questions about LoK! :)

[flock-talk]

That last anon answer has me wondering, what in your opinion is the best pellet out there?

At the present moment I don’t believe there is a best pellet. With current research we don’t even know what exact foods wild parrots we keep as pets eat. what vitamins and minerals are actually needed in what quantities for optimal health. Most of the data used to formulate diets for captive parrots is based off studies done on chickens. Pellets don’t run feeding trials and the singular one that claims they do won’t publish any data for consumers to make educated decisions.

We don’t have any of the data necessary to be able to say that there is one that checks the boxes better than another. Currently when selecting pellets the knowledge you’re using is as primal as “is this toxic” and “will this cause harm to the body over time” which is where we are able to make statements on fillers, dyes, and sugars.

I feed three different pellets currently for various reasons

TOPs - the ingredients are wholesome foods, no real fillers or additives, no synthetic vitamins (there’s no studies on whether or not a parrot can actually absorb and utilize synthetic vitamins currently, hypothetically they should and there’s nothing wrong with synthetic vitamins, we just do not have proper peer reviewed knowledge on how they interact in a parrot body) however there’s loads of concern over whether TOPs on its own supplies enough nutrients to be a full diet on its own.

Harrisons - it is formulated by a veterinarian (say about that what you will *cough* science diet debacles *cough*), does primarily use fillers but does also have slightly more hearty things like oats and barley, packed with vitamins that may be lacking in other formulations. Have flavour varieties, tougher texture, and much more varied sizes that can benefit more picky eaters. Frequently recommended by other vets, same company also creates liquid formulas for sick and ill birds. Overall does seem like they know what they’re doing.

Caitec - I primarily started feeding this because Newt is allergic to soy and this has very low soy and doesn’t yield a reaction from him. Has some filler but primarily uses oats, quinoa, millet, sunflower. Then you move in to the added vitamins and minerals. Unique crunchy texture, very palatable to my birds, very large size variety which is great for enrichment.

My choice to feed multiples is because of a safety fallback in case of recalls, I won’t be left feeding seeds trying to quickly do a pellet conversion if I have two other backups they can eat. But also to cover nutritional bases. We do not know what they need and I don’t wish to rely on one specific company to be doing everything just right to be providing optimal health for my birds, serving several will hopefully make it so if one pellet is lacking something one of the others will have it. And lastly is enrichment- various flavours, colours, textures and pellet size make meals more interesting and really liven up mealtimes.

There simply isn’t a perfect pellet because nobody knows what that would even look like.

When looking for a food to feed your bird the ultimately best thing to do is ask yourself “is this product made for the birds or to draw human interest”. Flashy colours, silly shapes, and potent sugars will primarily be used to attract your eye- not your birds. The sugars will make it palatable which converts the bird quickly and make the human happy. But the dyes and sugars are not ideal for long term health.

And secondly “how do birds do on this food” in the dog industry you would just get the paperwork from a feeding trial but for birds this means reading forums or sampling it for yourself. you can tell pretty quickly whether a food is doing your specific bird any good. Dull plumage, inconsistent droppings, weird food intake fluctuations, lack of energy, feather destructive behaviour, would all be potential signs that a food isn’t working for your bird (also potential signs of illness so y’know, correlation is not causation)

I did a deep dive last year where I contacted major pellet brands and tried to get any basic info out of them, you may want to read in to that if you want continued reading!

[midnighttreasureseeking]

Claudia’s Diary entries S1 EP5

Alright, this is my first Interview with the Vampire post that isnt just me reblogging someone else and adding to their post. There will be several of these posts as i have done my best to transcribe all written work shown in season one of the show. When season two starts (and season three etc.) I plan on making another series of posts about the written works shown in the series. 

This post is about the bit from Claudia’s diary seen in episode 5 of season one, just after her traumatic encounter with the vampire Bruce (Killer). A large part of this is from my reblog of @halo4life2017-blog​  as I didnt want to write down all my theories again. I’m very much looking forward to her theories about this as well as she is doing a rewatch!

So directly after the scene with Killer we are shown this page

(The left, its unimportant, reads: ...thing happend when....I had just...really get)

Its on the right hand side, its clean, and reads as such:

“November 11, 1930″

Dear Diary,

I met another vampire. His name is bruce,

but  I thought he was better suited to Killer.

We had just eaten together and started talking

about books when he really began acting strange

and made me uncomfortable. Bruce walked

back from the fire and leaned down over me

and…”

Daniel turns the page

And this reads

“November 11, 1930

Dear Diary,

I met another vampire. His name is bruce,

but  I thought he was better suited to Killer.

We had just eaten together and started talking

about books when he really began acting strange

and made me uncomfortable. Bruce walked

back from the fire and leaned down over me

and…”

The exact same!! this time on the left side page, and spattered with blood! Not only that but the passage cuts off midway through the page with that sentence unfinished and Daniel says nothing. (If this was accidental and just as far as Eric was supposed to read, therefore they didnt bother adding more, they wouldnt have put the empty space in the frame. Its just too weird not to be on purpose) He says nothing about the half cutoff sentence and nothing about the double passage either. He doesnt ask why the blood seems to be applied after the ripping out of the pages. Instead he remarks on the cutout pages and demands to know whats on them. As if she had filled four pages with a detailed account of her assault! And that was for some reason important for him to read. He says “Bruce walked back from the fire and leaned down over me and, cut out pages!” ??? no “cutoff sentence” or “empty space” as if the middle of the page is a perfectly normal place to end a page and continue on the next! He also immediately assumes that Louis ripped out the pages, which Louis neither confirms nor denies. And therefore we assume it too. But as we have discovered, never assume something of Louis, you will probably be wrong.

So what we know is: The passage was first written on the right side page, but left unfinished. Then it is written on a later page and stops at the same place the other did. then either four pages are ripped out or the new right side paragraph is written. Then someone cries over the pages, or at least little drops of blood end up on it.  If the right hand page wasnt written before the blood landed on it, then its written after.

(This is the right side paragraph as far as i could transcribe it

I’m going back to the house (..)

I’m ready for whatever lestat has to say. And I

will leave right away and take Louis with me.

Wouldn’t that be wonderfull? I am (..) excited to

see him again. And I (..) I was a handful

All those years don’t ()

I don’t know if ()

() tho…he (when) (…)

I just know he and I would have so 

much fun together. And anything (..)

depises I want to share with him to ?)

sheltered by Lestat for so long I want to 

open his eyes! We can learn about our kind together and maybe feel something.”

(This is not perfect and will be improved upon))

Three theories as to what happened;

Louis did it: This theory is assumed true by Daniel and the audience because of Louis reaction and the fact that he doesn't deny it. Louis discovered this diary and when he does he rips out four pages chronicling the assault, gets upset, and cries blood-tears all over it. This does not explain the cutoff sentence or the double passage.

Claudia did it: I think this has the most merit and is what i assumed happend the first time i watched this. But it is the most human way of looking at it. So Claudia has just experienced her encounter with Bruce. And as she always does writes it down in her diary. But she cant do it, she doesn't get very far. And just before the SA she has to stop. She takes a deep breath, turns a pages and just starts over, from the beginning. But this time, when she gets to the SA she gets too emotional, lets go of two tears and wipes them, and out of frustration (at herself for not being able to finish writing, blaming herself for what happened or anger at Bruce) she rips out two pages and leaves the book. then later, after making a plan for the future, she opens the book again and continues on the right side, on the blood spattered page. She could also have cried at this second diary writing moment. She might have cried at the memory of what happened or the thought of having to return home. Everything Daniel says “did she do it, doesn’t seem like her” etc, is an assumption about her on his part. It’s based on the emotionless monster he sees her as. Something that support this is that the blood tears are far too small to be from an adult (They actually look like they are from a small child. But i might be looking too far into it)

Louis rewrote the diary: In this theory everything is staged and done on purpose by Louis or Armand and Louis together. Maybe the original diary doesn't tell the right story, the story Louis wants to tell. So he rewrites the entire thing to fit the narrative. He plants the double paragraph, he plants the hastily ripped out pages, he purposefully ends the sentence in both entries at the same place. All this to get a reaction out of Daniel. To frame her as more human (see my “Claudia did it” theory above.) And Daniel doesn't respond the way he is supposed to, he doesn't believe in Louis humanisation of Claudia and this makes Louis angry.

Actually in all theories Louis gets angry because Daniel is being an asshole.

At last i want to talk about the ripped out pages themselves. 

This might be me looking too much into it, take everything with a grain of salt. But let’s analyse the diary without looking at the text. What has happened to it. 

The pages have been yellowed through age, to be expected. 

There are some light stains, and some crinkling of the paper that just suggest use. 

there is the bloodspatters on the paper, mostly on the lower side, who ever was crying was sitting in front of it. 

There are four pages ripped out, maybe with hands, or something sharp, a knife or scissors maybe. 

The pages are curled inwards (and not flattened as much as one would expect) and the right page is very yellow. To me it suggests it was slightly burned or something really hot got really close to it.  The yellow does not come from the light, or the other right-side-page should have the same colors. The Yellow is also too localised to be the light and too big to be the shadow coming from the torn out pages. 

That is what i could find and speculate from these diary entries!! I would love for anyone to tell me your own theories, maybe you have seen something I haven’t. In the mean time I’ll be trying to transcribe all other entries and written works that we have seen in the show!

[theaceofskulls]

I finally finished Fulgrim and there's something to be said about how we focus more on the bad than the good or the simply alright based on how many posts I've made about it while I've been listening to it, but I think my true takeaway from the book is that it's a fascinating one because you can see how it could've been a good book if things were changed.

The final parts of it felt bad, but it actually made me like Ishvaan V and Ferrus Manus more than every summary I've heard of it as it no longer comes off as stupid as it seems. It takes the time to establish how Ferrus's rage works and how it subsides and makes him come off less as "the guy who gets mad at the drop of a hat and jumped the gun too hard", especially by pointing out why waiting too long would've been just as bad and why they couldn't just shoot down from orbit.

However, this book is about the fall of Fulgrim and that part is handled so badly. You can see the attempt to make it a slower corruption but in the end you also see how this book suffers from being so early in the series, wanting to get to the daemon stuff too soon.

And yet as I've mentioned so many times, individual character arcs are handled so well, and the contrast it puts between the Iron Hands who also idolized perfection and feared failure but were told that refusing to admit failure was worse than the failure itself really helps highlight their fall.

The book also struggles with the fact that it comes off as a sequel to several other books in the series, with a couple of character arcs having large portions of them located elsewhere in earlier books, making this feel more supplemental of a story.

This is honestly the book I most feared from reviews when I started this whole thing and is part of the reason I put off this series in the first place, as one of the central events of the start of it was apparently in a horrendous book, and having finished it, it's different than what I was told to expect.

It fumbles most of its payoffs, from the terrible warp orchestra that feels a little too much for this early in the Heresy, to the moment Fulgrim joins Horus, to the dropsite massacre being over in pages, to what actually happens in the moments when Fulgrim performs the infamous sword swing, but a good portion of the book is actually fairly good.

Fabius, Lucius (if you're like me and enjoy watching Starscream-like pathetic sad sacks, not so much if you're the type who already hates him because of these exact traits), and Eidolon all get great scenes that carry forward with future appearances, and Fulgrim himself actually has several good moments outside of the ones that he really needed to have.

I walked away from this book still wishing I could've liked it, but understanding why this one is so hated. It's not stalling the plot by getting distracted or full of terrible prose (though there are some moments) but it makes the exact wrong missteps that don't leave any opportunity to come back and fix them.

My final recommendation is the same one I thought I'd give it from my early impressions: this is a book that you'll read once if you're interested in the series and can appreciate it as a lesson on what can go wrong in a narrative. Dissecting this book is interesting because it helps you understand what you're looking for from this series as well as from this style of genre fiction in general because the highs and lows are so extreme it's easy to separate them out and the lows leave such gaps that it's easier to understand exactly what you wanted to fill them.

Anyway, this marks the last point of my sequential readings of this series and am now going to be jumping around to different books as they interest me.

In the end I think this is as good a point to talk about the series so far.

Horus Rising is great, classic, and works well on its own. Even with an ending that's setting up the next one, it basically could've ended there with a wink of "well you know what happens next". I stand by my statement that it's almost entirely for 40k fans instead of a newcomer book since half of it is written with dramatic irony thick in the prose.

False Gods is good, being a fantastic sequel with a misstep that plagues the early series where Horus's fall lacks enough characterizing motivation to endear him enough. However, the books are primarily concerned with other characters all of whom feel like a smooth continuation of the previous book's characterizations and it works well in that respect.

Galaxy in Flames has some great heights, especially in its pivotal scenes, but honestly it mostly blends together until you get to the event you're here for.

Flight of the Eisenstein continues the story but is honestly the point where I could tell that the writer switching was changing the tone of the books. It's still a good book but outside of the moment the message is delivered at the end of the book, and a few pivotal moments (the bomb in the hanger), most of it has slipped from my memory.

Finally Fulgrim I've given my thoughts on extensively, but definitely a weak ending to streak of 5 books before they begin to jump around to various perspectives.

[alltimefail-sims]

I woke up to a few anon messages that came in batches at different times, so I'm not sure if these are all from the same person or a few different people, but I'm just going to answer them all here!

Questions and replies below the cut ↓

That is absolutely what I would do. I wouldn't even upload sims who use cc to the gallery, especially if the sims team/EA refuses to tell you what about your sims is being flagged as inappropriate by their standards. After a few suspensions and warnings they will go ahead with a permanent ban and from what I've found in my research, they don't seem to have a lot of flexibility to undo a ban once it has been issued, so you're right to play it safe rather than be sorry.

Thank you for saying that, I genuinely appreciate it! I'm so glad you stopped by for help, and that I could be helpful to you in any way. ❤️

I agree on all fronts! I'm almost positive there will be bugs with this new EP upon release, I just hope they're mild and managable until the Sims team can get out a hotfix. Just hoping the bugs aren't as bad as My Wedding Stories, for instance - that pack was completely unplayable upon release.

I think what we have seen of the build buy items looks really unique and beautiful. I'm always excited to see new traits, although some of them seem so pack-specific that I'm worried how they'll impact gameplay outside of the renter situations. I reblogged a couple isolated screenshots on my page that break down some new potential features - like a rice cooker, standing toilet, marbles and hopscotch for children (new child activities!!! Yay!!), and so on! The world itself seems immersive and different than what we already have and I think the non-American representation has been severely lacking, so it'll *hopefully* be a breath of fresh air.

Somewhat related to this point: the inclusion of a non-American world also gives me hope for the future. I'm still holding out hope for a Spanish inspired world or an African inspired world, but perhaps they'll incorporate one or both in the future. I hate that Selvadorada is a vacation world only!

The negative part of me kind of hates that this feels like "City Living: The Sequel." I'm curious how this will impact the already existent apartment lot types in the game. Hopefully it's different enough to stand on its own, but I just think we should have been able to create apartments all this time. That's the main selling point of this pack for me, and it would seem like that's the shared sentiment in the community as well, so that's unfortunate that we all have to buy/acquire a different pack to implement a feature that could and should have been implemented in another pack. I'm going to withhold judgment until I play though and try to go in with an open mind!

I love refreshing the townies, too! It's actually one of the first things I do when I start a new gameplay save because, like you said, a lot of them don't even have hot/cold weather outfits which is... well, it's expected of the lazy ass sims team lol. I'm not surprised. 🤦 But I can't stand seeing townies walk around in the wackiest outfits, especially the townies I really like!

I've always thought the community, by and large, does a better job handling townie refreshes anyway. I think every time the Sims team touches a beloved townie or alters their lore in any way, they fuck it up lmao. I would rather they just leave it to the people who actually care about these sims...😬

Thank you so much for the compliment, that means so much to me! I know it's cliché, but the more you practice making sims, the better you will get and the more you'll start to see your own "style" take shape. One tip I would give is to use real people as a reference: this helps avoid that "same face" syndrome you can get yourself into. They don't have to be perfect and exact to your reference, but you'll find over time that looking at all these different real people will not only diversify your sims, but also your ideas of beauty. You'll start to notice little things about a face that make it different - a bump of the nose, a slant of the eyes, pulled-in corners of the mouth, a cupid's bow arch of the lips versus a perfectly rounded edge. If you go to Pinterest and just look up "Face claims" you will find a never-ending amount of pictures with people of all different facial features, ages, ethnicities, hair textures, etc. Create a board on there - public or private (that's totally up to you) - and save all the faces you think are beautiful, unique, intriguing, etc. It helps me so much, and my sim style has really developed over time just by doing that!

I have to admit... I'm not a particularly fashionable person: I've been dressing pretty much the same way since middle school not gonna lie (think thrift store grandpa in band/graphic t-shirts and leggings exclusively lmao). So I try to think of the kind of personality my sim has first, which helps me pick an aesthetic style I want to go for when it's time to dress them. I'll think of questions like are they more alternative, or are they preppy? Do they dress for comfort or for style? Would they spend a lot of money on their clothes, or do they prioritize simple, affordable, staple pieces? Are they environmentally-conscious, avoiding animal furs/clothes that could be over the top but also made cruelly? Do they have a culture, religion, or belief-system that encourages modesty and head-coverings of some kind? So on and so forth. Then I might look up pictures or just play around until I find a few outfits that feel right. If you need inspo, go to TS4 lookbook tag as well- there's lots of variety and seeing how people pair some cc pieces might help your creative juices flow!

The Goth family will always have a special place in my heart, first and foremost. Naturally I have to include Erwin Pries (Strangerville GP), my number one silly goose, because he feels like he's mine. I know EA made him and we all have him in our games, but he feels so personal to me. I also love Penny Pizzaz (City Living EP) and the entire Jang family (City Living EP), Sienna Grove and Don Gooseman (Horse Ranch EP), Max Villareal and Lucas Munch (Get Together EP), Bob Pancakes (BG), the Vatore siblings (Vampires GP), Morgyn Ember and L. Faba (ROM GP - sorry Simeon).

Honorable mention to every Wildfangs werewolf and Celene López: I love all of them equally and could not pick a favorite. Another honorable mention to the Behr sisters as well: I don't play with them often, but I love their aesthetic.

Little blurb but this was such a tough question because I had to decipher between the townies I love because I have an attachment to them, versus townies I love because they're done so well by someone else (Gunther Munch by Ai, Hugo and Malcom by tricoufamily, and so on). I feel good about the above list though - I think these are my favorite sims that I play with based on my own attachment and personal headcanons.

Thank you so much!!! 😊🥰

It genuinely makes my heart happy to think that anyone will find joy in a build that I had joy in making. It's like sharing brain children, collaborating in a way - my build housing someone else's sims, two elements creating one story. Idk if that makes sense, but that's my favorite part of the community... just like, creating together.

I wasn't a good builder either, I found the mechanics really confusing at first, but it's actually become kind of a catharsis for my anxiety and adhd. It keeps me focused and grounded and gives me a task to direct my, at times, directionless energy. I also recommend using floor plan pictures from Pinterest to help practice building as well! I have a whole board of floor plans and exteriors!

Anyway, if this is all my same friend who came to me for help, I'm sorry I wrote you a book lmao! If this is more than one person, I'm also sorry all my answers were long. I am so appreciative when anyone comes to talk in my inbox, I'm so happy that running this account has helped me meet so many wonderful people!

Anyway, I'm probably too sentimental this time of year (lol). I'll wrap it up now.

Byeeeee! ❤️