#and she sees that what Dean needs isn’t a fantasy about what his life could have been like

[knotboy-dean]

Ok no bc to piggyback off that Mary post, this might be something people have been saying for a long time but I do genuinely think that Amara giving Dean “what he needs most” was not his mother but to break the idea he has of what a family is, and that’s part of what makes that arc so fascinating to me

[shanastoryteller]

Not a prompt, I just keep thinking about the classic spn plot of "boys transported into au where they're happy" with the au being See Something, Say Something and the boy being Sam at his most depressed, and then sighing gleefully at the thought of how much angst he'd feel over everything. Beautiful fantasy.

See Something Say Something

Dean hears Sam shout and goes running.

Nothing should be able to get to them in their impenetrable dead guy bunker, but they’ve barely explored the place, who knows what kind of weird shit Sam could be getting into when Dean’s looking.

Except when he turns into the library, he sees Sam standing there looking perfectly fine. In fact, he looks great, something Dean’s long practiced at not noticing, but there’s something just a little off. Does he have less wrinkles? Did Sam sneak out and get botox when he wasn’t looking?

“Dean,” he says with obvious relief, completely unabashed, and it hits him hard. They’re not fighting, exactly, at the moment, but that’s more because they’ve made a mutual, silent decisions to stop talking about Amelia and Benny and purgatory than anything else. “Man, what happened?” He looks around. “What the hell are we doing at the bunker?”

“What?” he says blankly. Where else would we be. “Did you hit your head?”

He scrunches his nose and Dean almost smiles. “I don’t think so? Am I missing time?”

How would Dean know that?

Before he can say that, Sam turns the corner, head buried in a book. “Hey, Dean, I found–” He looks up and blinks. “Um.”

Dean reaches for his gun, but isn’t sure where to aim it.

“Oh.” Sam blinks. “Well, I guess I’m not in Kansas anymore.”

“Actually,” Dean hears himself saying, “we are in Kansas.”

Both Sams roll their eyes.

~

Other Sam is apparently from a parallel universe and he mostly seems unbothered by the whole thing, although the first thing he does is text a witch named Rowena for help. “This is probably her fault in my world,” he explains. “She’s always doing shit like this on accident. That’s the real problem with witches that are on her level, they just start fucking with the fabric of space and time for something to do.”

“Right,” Dean says. He needs a drink.

“Your hand,” his Sam says, a strange look on his face.

Dean follows his gaze and sees what must have upset him. The other Sam is wearing a wedding ring.

He’s spent his life trying and failing not to covet Sam in ways he shouldn’t. He’s done a lot of fucked up shit, hell, he’s fucked up in ways that put him about equal with the things they hunt, and this is something he should have gone over. Right, like his little snit over Amanda or whatever her name is hadn’t proved he hasn’t had a handle on it for a long time. He was better at ignoring it before hell. After, it was like all his careful self control had been ripped away from him, in all things. At least when he’s mad at Sam he’s not thinking of – things he shouldn’t.

Other Sam looks at his hand then at Sam’s and he becomes visibly upset, emotions so close to the surface in the way they haven’t been on Sam for a long time. Since before Dean sold his soul. “You’re not married?”

Sam shakes his head, hesitates, then asks, “What’s her name?”

“Jess,” he says, love and fondness clear in his voice.

Oh, fuck.

“Jessica Moore?” Sam whispers.

Other Sam lights up. “Yeah! You know her?”

“I did,” he says.

Other Sam isn’t stupid and his face crumples. “Oh, man, I’m sorry. What happened?”

“The demon,” Dean says so Sam doesn’t have to. “Yellow eyes.”

For some reason, the other Sam seems surprised, but he says, “Oh. Well,” he looks between them and forces an encouraging smile. “I mean, at least you still have each other, right?”

The bitterness is close enough to the surface that neither of them say anything.

Other Sam raises an eyebrow. “Lover’s spat? You know, me and Dean have found that fucking it out first really helps.”

Sam snorts and shakes his head like it’s a joke but the other Sam just looks confused by his reaction.

Dean feels his stomach bottom out. “Sam, I need to talk to you.”

His Sam starts to rise, but he grabs other Sam’s arm and drags him down the hall. He sees hurt briefly flash over his Sam’s face, but he doesn’t have time to do something about that right now. Other Sam follows him pliantly enough, even when Dean shoves them both into a random storage room. He just crosses his arms and waits.

Dean doesn’t know how to ask this. Even the idea of saying out loud this thing he’s been trying to will out of existence for most of his life terrifies him, because it can’t be, but if it is he needs to make sure that this Sam doesn’t say anything in front of his Sam.

“Are we,” he licks his lips. “Have we. I mean. When you said, before, did you.”

Sam blinks and then scowls. “Seriously? Jess is dead and we’re not sleeping together? What the hell have I been up to here?”

“What,” he says blankly. Holy shit. Really? No way.

Now Sam looks concerned. “Dean. You have told me, right?”

“Why the hell would I do that?” he spits. As if Sam isn’t always looking for reasons to leave him anyway and this would just be perfect. It’s not like he’d be able to blame him. Of course he wouldn’t want to be around Dean if he found out that he was in love with him.

Sam opens his mouth then closes it. “No, okay, I mean I was the one who – and I haven’t figured it out? Really? I mean, I did.”

Dean’s suddenly terrified. Could Sam know? But no, it’s not possible, if he knew he wouldn’t be here, if he knew then it would have come up in one of their many fights recently.

“You should tell me,” Sam says. “Or just, I don’t know, plant one on me and then go from there, I’ll figure it out pretty quick that way.”

Okay, not only is this Sam from a different universe, but he’s insane. “You don’t – you’re not – it’s just me. You’re not like me. You’re normal.”

Not normal in a lot of ways, but in this one. It’s not like he’s unaware of the irony of those times he��s called Sam a freak when he’s the one that wants to fuck his brother.

Except Sam gives him a dry look. “Dean, I’m pretty sure loving you is as fundamental to my DNA as nucleic acids. You’re probably just overthinking it.”

Overthinking it? He’s overthinking it?

“You can kiss me first for practice if you want,” he says.

Dean’s mouth goes dry. He wants it so badly he has to clench his hands into fists. “That’s a bad idea. I just – don’t say anything, alright? Don’t tell Sam.”

He rolls his eyes, like he finds Dean exasperating and unreasonable for not wanting the brother who he’s barely managing to hold onto to know his deepest, darkest, worst secret. “Fine, but you’re making a mistake.”

He’s not.

Making sure the worst part of him doesn’t ever touch Sam is one of the few things he’s done right.

[norahastuff]

I’ve said this before, but 2x20 and Dean’s djinn dream really gets me. I mean, you have Dean bleeding emotions all over the place. His wish came true, he got Mary back, and it’s almost like he reverts to being a little kid. He’s so damn vulnerable. He gets to play house, his mom’s alive, Sam is happy... but he and Sam don’t have much of a relationship, because Dean’s fear has always been that the only thing keeping them together as a family was hunting. Without that, why would Sam bother with him? Then there’s also the fact that the Dean in this fantasy is a complete fuck up. He’s a drunk who steals, cheats, and lets down the people he loves. I think that’s another fear Dean’s always had about himself. Hunting and saving people allows him to think of himself as the hero, the good guy, but without that, he thinks there’s not much to him. 

Which is total bullshit. I mean, come on: can you ever imagine the Dean Winchester we know stealing his brother’s prom date? The same Dean who would walk over hot coals to see his brother happy. The second he ever notices Sam show interest in a girl, he completely backs away. But in this djinn universe, that’s the role he casts himself in. 

Also, John is dead, which is something that needs a whole other post to itself. The one thing I will say is that when Dean has his breakdown at John’s grave, when he pleads with him and asks “Why does it always have to be me?” John doesn’t answer. And Dean’s face is really something. It’s an “of course he’s not gonna fucking answer” expression. Whatever the universe, John will always be the unknowable, unreachable deity that Dean will never really be able to please. He’ll never get what he wants from John.

And then there’s Carmen. His partner in this world isn’t someone he knows or someone who knows him. It’s a model from a beer ad with the caption “go someplace better.” She’s not real. Dean doesn’t even have a concept of what a real partner would be. Dean seems a little troubled by that when he comes across the beer ad in the magazine. Like he’s disappointed by how empty his life is that he can’t even fantasise about a real person.

I also find that really interesting in the context of Lisa. The next time we see Dean fantasise about someone, it’s Lisa. He imagines a life with her and what could be. But the truth is, Lisa’s not any more real than Carmen was. She represents Dean’s fantasy of the kind of normal life he thinks he should want, but in reality doesn’t. Initially, you could claim he’s not happy with Lisa because he thinks Sam is trapped in the cage, but even after Sam comes back, Dean’s not satisfied with his suburban life. It’s not until he rips the tarp off the Impala and heads out on the road, do we see Dean actually smile and feel like himself again. 

Anyway, it’s all fascinating, especially in the context of s14/15. Like, take what everyone in his djinn world tries to tell him to convince him to stay: 

MARY: It's everything you want. We're a family again. Let’s go home.

JESSICA: You don't have to worry about Sam anymore. You get to watch him live a full life.

CARMEN: We can have a future together. Have our own family. I love you, Dean.

SAM: Why is it our job to save everyone? Haven't we done enough?

What Dean truly wants is a family. A home. He wants Sam to be happy and to have a life that he gets to be a part of. And he wants a partner who will raise a family with him. Someone who loves him. 

The reason he can’t stay in the djinn dream no matter how much he wants to? It’s not real. 

Cut to Cas, over a decade later looking Dean in the eye and telling him “Dean, you asked what about all this is real? We are.” And to Dean point blank telling John, in the home that he shares with his brother, his angel and their nephilim son, that he has a family. He’s happy with who he is, with who Sam is. 

And fucking cut to Cas, an angel who loved Dean so much, it rewired his entire existence. Someone who saw Dean, saw all of him, who knew him to his fucking core and loved him anyway. Loved him because of all that he saw, and not in spite of it. He’s not the fuck up he sees himself as. Cas sees him as he really is: someone who loves, who lights up the world around him, 

That’s something Dean thought he would never have. In the djinn dream Dean tells Mary that he has to leave. That none of this matters because it’s not real. Mary says: 

“It doesn't matter. It's still better than anything you had.”

It’s heartbreaking, but in the context of future seasons... Dean will have something better. And it’ll mean so much more because it’s real. 

[spneveryseason]

Here We Go Again, Somehow: The Winchesters Trailer #1 Breakdown

It’s been two years since my last trailer breakdown, and somehow we’re come back to this. Let’s get started I guess.

We start with Dean narrating on a road, standing next to his car.

I already have questions. When is this supposed to be set? Sam isn’t around, so it’s possible this is set during Stanford era (Dean looks way too old for that, though). It’s also possible this is set between 15x19 and 15x20, where Dean sets off on his own. This doesn’t really track with me though: why would he go searching for answers at this point? Also: “I need to uncover the truth about my parents”? What truth is that exactly?

We then see John and Mary driving through Lawrence, traipsing through a cave, and meeting some kind of monster while Dean speculates what drew them together for some reason. We also see a shot of someone wiping off a dusty book to reveal the title “Men of Letters”

Clearly John finds out about his dad in some capacity. This indicates some canon inconsistencies, which we’ll see how they deal with.

Dean then proclaims we need to go back to 1972, and we see John returning from the Vietnam War and speaking to his mother (who is a confirmed mechanic!)

We then see the moment John meets Mary and it’s…well.

He’s attacked by a demon (which are supposed to be rare at this time, but oh well), and Mary saves him. What follows is a minutes long physical comedy but where they keep accidentally hitting Mary, who tells John to stop helping her before getting rid of the demon and doing the demon reveal to John. She also tells him he wants no pet in this. The tone is comedic and a little out of left field.

John then indicates that he’s been looking for his dad, and now suspects he’s a hunter. He also now knows what hunters are in this universe, so I wonder how this disparity will be addressed with regards to canon.

Mary is also looking for her dad, who was last seen hunting demons:

So that’s a Pilot reference right there.

We then get a shot of what I assume is their version of the bunker:

Before meeting the other members of their team, Latika:

And Carlos, who helps John with his first hunt.

We see Carlos hit a demon (another demon!) with a van and shoot holy water at it, before making a joke about staying hydrated with it.

We see John asking Carlos if this is what hunting life is like, and he responds that the only thing worse than how it starts for hunters is how it ends (which I believe is a reference to a much repeated idea in the original show.)

We then flash back to their hunt in the sewers with a lot of quick cuts of them fighting some kind of creature

John indicates he’s all in, then tells a story about his dad and how he told him he could trap the monster under his bed (another pilot reference).

His mom begs him not to go down this road and says he’ll understand when he becomes a parent (wink wink nudge nudge). Which. What a strange thing to do. Reference the tragedy of parenting failures and repeated cycles of abandonment in this tone of a teen fantasy adventure.

John says he’s been searching his whole life for something, then we get The Group Shot

So that’s John, Mary, Carlos, Latika, and an unknown fifth person.

John then says this is good versus evil, and we see this person:

Who looks to be in the same sewer thing as Samuel Campbell so this is probably the Big Bad of the season and/or series and what he’s hunting.

We get some more John and Mary banter/interactions, then this symbol:

Mary tells John she was born into this life and he wasn’t and he can still get out. We then cut to John telling his mom “saving people, hunting things, that’s what I was born to do.”

We flash back to Dean narration saying that his parents past has always been a mystery (no it’s hasn’t) and he says he’s on a new mission to find answers, and the story is just beginning. He drives away.

We end with John saying “As long as there’s a Winchester alive, there’s hope.”

General thoughts

Original show reference count: 6

So what it looks like we’re going for here is: Mary trying to find her dad who is hunting some big bad (we know Samuel survives this). John and the rest will help her. John is trying to find his own dad against the advice of his mom (as we know he never does). But somehow he is also supposed to forget all this by the time we sync with the timeline in 4x03?

Positives: maybe we get to learn more about hunting culture and the men of letters here, which could be interesting

Negatives: canon inconsistencies, strange tone, strange dialogue

To be honest this trailer doesn’t indicate to me this show will be good, add anything to the story, or worth the time slot. Maybe the actual show will be better but it’s too early to tell. I think maybe we should uncancel Riverdale

[sweeethinny]

Sunlit days

@velvethopewrites asked, and I took longer than I thought it would, but I wrote a Hinny kissing under the cloak.

it's not exactly smut, it's just warm kisses, but anyway, i hope you like it <3

AO3

-----

"Where are you taking me?" Ginny asked, a huge smile on her face as she let Harry - her boyfriend - guide her to who knows where, the two of them hiding under his cloak, making her even more excited.

The adrenaline of the forbidden always made her much more excited to do something. And if Harry was with her, everything was perfect.

"Can't I want to have a moment alone with you?" He asked, not even seeming to care how he sounded, he also had a huge smile on his face. Harry had seemed so much looser and freer these past few days, and Ginny loved to think it was because of her.

Of course it could be for a million other reasons, but that thought made her go to sleep smiling like an idiot.

"You're going to be late for class." They were in a hallway Ginny thought she'd never seen, but Harry seemed to recognize the place with eerie familiarity, only occasionally picking up the Map to make sure everything was empty.

“Are you worried about my grades?” He glanced over his shoulder, smiling in a way that made her blush and smile even more. Her cheeks would crack if she kept this up. 'No need to worry, I can say I was with Dumbledore, or just miss this class, it's History anyway' Harry and she reached the end of the corridor, there was nowhere else to go, there were no doors or anything nearby , and it was quiet enough for them to be comfortable. Nobody would come here.

Harry leaned against the wall, pulling Ginny close, legs spread wide enough for her to be comfortable in the middle, and she didn’t wait for him to say anything and kissed him like it had been days since they'd seen each other. And that was how she felt, at least in parts. Snape didn't take a break, and every night Harry looked tired or she was tired, and they just sat together in the common room for a few minutes before going to sleep. Hermione also didn't let her forget about the exams, just as Demelza seemed to make a point of reminding her whenever she and Harry started to get too distracted in some empty hallway in the library.

"I missed you," she said, grabbing his face and attacking his lips again, almost melting at the feel of his hands on her hips, keeping her where he wanted her, and for once Ginny didn't care.

Michael and she weren't all that evolved to exchange more than quick kisses, and as much as Dean sometimes did like Harry too - his hands on her hips - it never felt comfortable enough or hot, it was always weird, like they didn't fit right. But not with Harry, with him it was nice, comfortable, and she loved when he did that.

“Thought I saw you for breakfast?” He bit her lip, then began that trail of kisses that made her feel hot and forced her to clench her thighs together. His soft mouth moved down her chin, then under her ear, over her neck, over her collarbone… Ginny gasped.

She tightened her hands on his shoulders, just because she needed some support so her limp legs wouldn't make her fall like jelly. Ginny didn't even remember anymore what she had said and what Harry had replied, all so confused in her cloud of heat that she was almost blind to anything but her amazing boyfriend.

'Aren't you going to take your cloak off?'She managed to ask, starting to feel warm from the lack of air circulation, but it was also a good excuse to let Harry unbutton the top buttons of her shirt, and she did the same with his.

'Let me live my fantasy, I've dreamed of it.' Harry mumbled against her skin, his mouth that had been so close to her breasts began to rise again, and Ginny needed a second to deal with the frustration that she felt, soon being filled with desire as she felt him moving one of his hands up inside her shirt.

"Don't say you dreamed with me if you don't want me to attack you right here," Ginny said, her hands inside his shirt, scratching at his abdomen only to feel him shiver and take a deep breath down her neck.

"I'm not telling you not to do this, feel free." He bit into the sensitive skin that made Ginny whimper and try to pull her body away more by instinct than will, that heat building between her legs.

Harry made her land in the clouds, much lighter than when she flew as high as she could, while making her feel that delicious drop that left her heart pounding and her legs limp. He made her feel so many things that Ginny wondered how she had lived so long without knowing she was capable of feeling it.

Like when he saves her a piece of cake for breakfast, or a piece of meat pie for dinner, just because he knows Ginny likes it, and it makes her stomach churn and her throat feel tender as if suddenly, she was going to cry with joy, because she never got to tell him that, Harry just realized, and Ginny comes from a family with too many siblings for someone to notice little details about her.

“As much as I like the cloak idea,” she says, kissing him as if her life depended on it, his thigh between her legs and his left hand cupping her breast. “I'm getting too hot to be pleasant.” Ginny moves her hips just enough to gain that necessary friction that makes her go limp again.

Harry laughs, seeming to notice that she has started to sweat and now for other reasons, so he takes the cloak off them, and the icy wind hits Ginny at once and makes her shiver and lean closer to Harry, like a way to protect herself from the temperature difference. The movement made her feel him on her thigh, and Harry seemed to feel the simple touch as well, because he gasped and pulled his mouth away from hers.

They shouldn't be making out like that in a hallway, now that she was ready to assess the situation. Before at least they were invisible, and now anyone can see Harry groping her breasts and Ginny using his thigh for self-relief. She should feel embarrassed, or at least worry and tell them to find a room, or stop it before someone misses them both and puts the puzzle together to understand why they're gone. Ginny knows that people love to talk about Harry's life, and her love life, and that everyone thinks it's absurd that she dated two boys, so being seen in a hallway like that isn't the best option for her.

But Harry squeezes her hip with his free hand and pulls her forward again, and they're so close to each other, and his hand is warm and soft, and he managed to get his hand inside her bra, and the feeling of having Harry touching her nipples is otherworldly, and the feeling of his thigh creating friction where she needs it most feels so good, and the noises he makes… Ginny can't really think.

The sun is streaming in through a nearby window, and soon that sudden cold is gone and Ginny feels warm again, and she is on a mission to kiss Harry with all the will she has inside, and he seems to be on the same mission that she..

He even makes her forget all the reasons that should keep her from doing what she's doing now, and forget that the last time she made out with a boy in a hallway her brother caught them.

Harry took her to a dimension that is theirs alone and no one can touch or interrupt them, and Ginny thinks that even if she came to her senses now and walked away from him, she wouldn't be able to think for a few more hours, numb at how good it felt the combination of everything he was doing.

For a few seconds she even thought about taking his hand off her hip and putting it between her legs, just because Ginny wants to know what it would be like to have his fingers there, and because she's dreamed about it enough times now and her imagination is no longer enough and neither are her fingers themselves. She's very close to realizing this fantasy, she even puts her hand on top of his, but they hear voices and footsteps and Ginny jumps back in alarm, feeling her heart racing and her bleary eyes barely focusing on Harry's face.

He has rosy cheeks, crooked glasses and her lipstick is smeared across his face, it's a lovely sight indeed, but by the time the voices fade away and the hallway is silent again, Ginny still keeps a little distance, looking at him and taking a deep breath, trying to get back to Earth, as much as the paradise he takes her to is much, much, more inviting.

"Wow," Harry is the first to say, seeming to notice the mess she is in, shirt unbuttoned to her navel, bra bared, skirt crooked and cheeks on fire.

"Yeah." Ginny blinks, still dizzy. Harry isn't all that different from her, and maybe she should apply some less red lipstick next time because Harry looks like a clown with his mouth all smeared like that. She doesn't usually wear lipstick, but she wanted to impress Harry, and he seemed to have liked the choice when he found her coming out of the bathroom.

'Do you think we still have some time before they realize we're gone?'She asks, straightening her shirt and skirt, trying to draw Harry's attention away, as Ginny feels a bit suffocated the more she looks into his green eyes, the more dark now and with that mischievous glow she loves knowing it's her fault.

'I'm sure so,' Harry starts to adjust himself as well, and when the two of them look presentable again - although his lips are still a little smudged - Ginny reaches for him and pulls him close, and starts doing the way back, however much she has nowhere in mind.

'I need some fresh air,' she says, feeling her skin heat up even more, not because she feels embarrassed but because the memory makes her feel cloudy again, and Ginny doesn't want any girl to realize she's like this for something that did with Harry, she doesn't want them to imagine what he is like at these times. It's something so silly and irrational, but it lives in the back of her mind.

“You will be my cause of death, I'm serious.” He mutters, his cheeks also rosy, seeming to be far away.

“Me?” Ginny uses her best voice, wanting to make him laugh and deny it – and she succeeds.

'Yes you.' Harry puts his arm around her waist keeping her close to him, and the two head towards the gardens, there aren't many students around at least, and they don't need to walk to the farthest part to be able to stay in peace together. Harry lies down on her legs, Ginny leaning against a tree, the fresh air soothes the heat off her skin and makes her think rationally.

She smiles at him. "Should I be sad about it?"

"No." Harry smiles, that carefree smile that makes her feel so good knowing he's happy.

''Great, because you're going to be my cause.'' She closes her eyes, laying her head back and listening to him laugh. Ginny thinks she has never been happier.

[adhdeancas]

12x01 Rewrite with Trans Dean

trigger warnings for minor mention of dysphoria. Also minor/negligent transphobia. 

“Mom?” His heart is stopped in his chest, staring at the face he’s kept in his head for all of his life, the face he’s thought of as the only real home he’s ever had. She looks the same, exactly the same. “I… uh, are you really… real?” 

He reaches out without thinking, needing to just make sure that Amara didn’t bring back a fantasy or a ghost or a sick joke. She proves it without him touching her, flipping him in a neat trick he recognizes from his own training and ending up with her foot on his neck, pressing him into the dirt. “Where am I? Who the hell are you?”

She looks so scared. Dean swallows, his Adam’s apple bouncing against the bottom of her foot. He needs to make her trust him, preferably before she does something rash like snap his neck. “I’m Dean Winchester. I’m your son. I’m… Sam’s brother”

The pressure lets up on Dean’s neck even though Mary’s shaking her head. “No. No, I don’t have two boys. They’re- they’re just kids.”

Dean winces, breathing heavily. This is gonna be a motherfucker for her to understand. Still, Mary lets him up, and he stands and rubs his neck, trying desperately to recall every bit of information he’s stored away about his mom. “Mom. Listen to me. Your name- your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, okay? You were born December 5, 1954, to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for, uh, work, and you bounced right along with him, and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.”

Mary flinches, the facts hitting straight-on. “How do you know all that?” 

“Dad told me.” Dean tells her. He doesn’t tell her that he had to gather the story from slurred words, drunken tears in between stories about the perfect wife. That he recited them in his head like a prayer so he wouldn’t forget her. “March 23, 1972, you walked out of a movie theater - Slaughterhouse-Five. You loved it, and you bumped into a big Marine and you knocked him flat on his ass. You were embarrassed, and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So, you went to, uh,” God, what was the name of that stupid place? “Mulroney’s, and you talked and he was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song,” A memory of a smiling young alive Mary comes to mind, and he pushes it away because it hurts. She’s right there. “So when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that -” You fell in love with- “that you met -”

“John Winchester.”

“August 19, 1975, you were married… in Reno. Your idea.”Dean had always thought that was hilarious. He looks her in the eyes again, pleading with her to not dispute the next part. “A few years later, I came along, then Sammy.”

“No, no. My oldest was a girl, Deanna.” Mary looks Dean up and down, taking in his short hair, wide shoulders, and flat chest. He crosses his arms over that now, uncomfortable, hoping she isn’t looking at his long eyelashes or his delicate cheekbones or his hips. All the places he’s insecure about. 

“Yeah, um… that’s me.” He looks up at her, his jaw clenching, waiting for the ball to drop. “I shortened the name a little, and the- uh- hair.” He tries for the old charming smile as he runs a hand through the spiky hair he hasn’t let grow out in 20 years. It doesn’t quite get there, settling at a more delicate need for approval. Mary doesn’t give it to him. “Do you believe me?”

She bypasses the question, turning her eyes away from him to look at the car behind him. Something changes in her eyes. “I burned.” She says quietly, like she’s remembering the heat. Dean swallows. He remembers the heat too. “How long have I been gone?”

“33 years.” His voice cracks. 

Mary looks back to him, and she moves forward, putting two gentle fingers to his cheek, to the freckles sprayed across soft skin. He’s had them forever, even when he was little. “Dee?” She calls him by his old nickname; Dean’s doubly thankful that he doesn’t use his deadname. 

“Hi, mom.” There are tears in his eyes.

------------------------------------------------------

“How did he die?”

Dean bows his head. He’s really not selling himself too good here, is he? First the trans thing, now- “He gave himself up for me.” He’ll be surprised if Mary wants anything to do with him. Surprisingly, she chuckles and sniffles. 

“That does sound like John.” He looks over, and she’s smiling. His brow furrows. Killing himself to save Dean’s ass does sound like John, but not in a way that makes him want to smile. “And he was a hunter? And he raised-” She stutters now, looking at him again and looking away just as quickly. “You and Sam to be-”

“Yeah, he did.” A cold weight is settling in Dean’s stomach, and he tries and fails to not let it seep into his words.

“And you said we’ve met before, when you traveled through time,”

Dean nods. It had been horrible and amazing to see Mary and have her see him, just as some guy. A guy, at all. “Twice. Your memory got wiped, so…” So you don’t remember me telling you I was your kid, and you not believing me. I do.

“And you’re… my daughter-”

Dean coughs. He hasn’t been called a daughter in a long-ass time. “No, I’m- I mean. I was. I know it’s a lot. And I’ll explain everything. I will. But right now, let’s get out of here. Let’s get you home. Come on, Mom.”

She doesn’t correct him, which means she must believe, at least a little bit, that she is his mom. 

-----------------------------------------------------

“You live here?” She looks around the cavernous space and he smiles, looking around too. It really is awesome. 

“Yeah, when we’re not on the road. It’s an old Men of Letters bunker.”

“Men of Letters?” She scoffs. Dean grins a bit and looks at her. He thinks he likes her. “They’re a myth. An old hunter’s story.”

He tilts his head. He’s just gonna keep blowing her mind today, apparently. “Not so much. New duds look good.” He gestures to her clothes. He’d lent her some extra clothes he’d had in the trunk, and he tries not to fixate on how they weren’t that big on her. He’s not much taller than her, and he knows part of that even is the heeled boots he’s wearing. 

“Well, thanks. It’s better than walking around in that nightgown the rest-” Dean’s nodding, about to say something extremely awkward like ‘Yeah, nightgowns are a bitch,’ when he finally looks at what she’s staring at, spattered on the floor of the bunker. “That’s blood.”

 “Yeah.” Dean’s heart leaps into his throat, but he goes into autopilot before he can think about freaking out. He takes his gun out from his pants and cocks it, clearing the immediate area. A blurred sigil on the wall puts another bolt of fear through his chest. “Sammy? Cas?” He winces at how high his voice goes.

He takes the Map Table’s gun out from its hiding place and hands it to Mary. She was a hunter too, and he’s not about to leave her unarmed to clear the place. “Take this. Stay here.” Dean takes off immediately. It isn’t until he’s moving on to check the kitchen that he hears the voice. Mary’s clear as a bell, saying, 

“Hands, now,”

Dean’s in the room before he can think about it. His heart practically comes undone when he sees that dumb familiar trench coat. He puts his body between Cas and his mom’s gun immediately, hoping she will trust him enough not to shoot through him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! It’s okay, it’s okay. He’s a friend, all right?” He meets Cas’s eyes and sees the utter relief in his eyes, and a surge of warmth fills his chest. “Hey, Cas.”

It’s a lackluster greeting when they both thought they’d never see each other again, and Cas shows it when he steps forward quickly and pulls Dean into a tight hug. “Dean!”

Dean grins and pats his back. “Hey, okay. All right,” He comforts him quietly. 

“Dean, you’re alive?” Cas pulls away and looks him over, like he’s afraid Dean might disappear. Dean nods, understanding; he had done the same thing to Mary, after all.

“Yeah.”

“What about the bomb and the Darkness? What happened?”

“I’ll tell you everything. Where is Sam?”

“He’s not here.” Obviously. Dean could smack him, but his face wants to break into a fond smile instead. He represses both urges.

“Are you a hunter?”

“No, I’m an angel.”

“He’s an angel.” Dean says over Cas. They look at each other and then back at Mary. 

“Come again?”

“An angel, with a capital A,” Dean clarifies. He feels, ridiculously, a little bit like he’s showing off. Showing Cas off. “You know, wings, harp.”

“No, I don’t have a harp.”

Dean laughs. “This is Castiel. Cas, this is… Mary. Winchester.”

------------------------------------------------------

“It’s been kinda weird, here. You know, with mom being back?” And learning that her baby girl is now a full grown man? “It’s like we don’t know how to act around each other, so we just kinda make this small talk, and act like it’s normal, but it’s- it’s so not normal.” Dean can hear the pleading in his voice. 

“What has she said to you?” Cas asks quickly. Dean bites his lip to hide the smile he’s trying to get from hearing Cas get all angry and protective on his behalf. He’s reminded of the time Cas looked him directly in the face and said, ‘Dean Winchester, if anyone is ever transphobic to you, I will smite them immediately and without any remorse.’ And before Dean could make a quip about internalized transphobia, Cas added, ‘Do not make me do that to you.’

“Well, nothing. That’s- that’s the whole point.” It’s the kind of thing most people usually wanna go over, what the fuck gender their kid is? He’s pretty sure no news does not mean good news in this context.

“Okay, what have you said to her?”

“Well, nothing. I’m- I don’t know what to say to her, y’know? It’s like it’s all too much, and I don’t wanna overwhelm her.” 

“Dean, your identity is not ‘too much.’” Cas says immediately. Dean sighs. That wasn’t what he meant, even though he has said something similar before. Something when he was lonely and sad and feeling like explaining his dick to a one night stand was too complicated for him to do to even assuage it that way.

“No- I know. It’s not that. It’s… everything.”

Now it’s Cas’s turn to sigh. “Don’t make things unnecessarily complicated, as you humans tend to do. I’ll call you.” He hangs up. 

Dean lets the phone fall with his arm limp to his side. “Yeah. Great. That’s helpful.” He says to the empty air. “That’s helpful.” Asshole.

-------------------------------------------------------

They’re in the car, and Dean is driving, and there is too much going on. He’s not sure whether he’s happy that Cas is in the backseat for this conversation or not. “So you’re… my Deanna.”

Dean’s hands tighten on the wheel. He looks at them and ignores the voice in his head that says they are petite. Womanly. “Uh, yeah. I was born Deanna Jane Winchester.” He clears his throat and meets Cas’s eyes in the rearview. He gives him a little nod, and Dean continues. “I’m… It’s called trans.”

Dean risks a look over at Mary, and she’s playing with her ring. “So you… wanted to be a boy.” 

Dean clears his throat again. He’s pretty sure he does it every time before he talks, and he’s also pretty sure his voice gets lower every time he talks, too. He swears it’s an automatic reflex. 

“Dean’s soul is- that of a human man.” Cas interrupts, saying it like that clarifies things. The corner of Dean’s mouth tilts up a little bit. Cas did tell him that he could see his soul, and also told him that it was, and he quotes ‘A color more similar to that of a men than women.’ Which, yeah, that tracks. He guesses Cas leaves off the ‘more similar’ part to make things simpler for Mary.

“And so you…” Mary trails off, a finger pointing toward his chest aborting its mission when she realizes it might be rude. 

Dean raises an eyebrow with amusement. “Cut my tits off? Yeah.” He takes a hand off the wheel to raise his shirt, proudly showing off his top surgery scars. Mary trails a hand along them, feeling the raised skin. “After Sammy went to college. It was a bitch of a few weeks, but it was worth it.”

Mary takes her hand away and nods, brows furrowed like she’s trying to wrap her head around it. Dean grins. The grin freezes awkwardly, the edges tilting down, when Mary opens her mouth again. “So you have a-”

Cas coughs loudly in the back seat. Dean meets his wide eyes with a similar expression, and Mary cuts off the question, catching onto the fact she said something wrong. “Don’t think we really need to go there, do we, mom?”

That was a question for him and whatever lucky son of a bitch (gender neutral) ended up in his bed at the end of the night. “Right.” Mary says quickly. She turns her whole body then, asking, “Is that why you like men?”

Dean only swerves a little, he swears. The car coming the opposite direction doesn’t seem to agree, holding its horn long and hard. Luckily, it gives him a moment to stutter less obviously. 

“Sorry, I just meant- since you two are-” Mary gestures between Cas and Dean, and Dean blinks his eyes solidly, trying to convince himself this is really happening.

“No! I mean, we-” Dean doesn’t have the balls (hehe) to look at Cas in the back seat, but he can see the trench coat shifting out of his peripheral. “I’m not-”

“Was John okay with this?”

Dean laughs. It comes out bitter and dark. “Dad didn’t much give a fuck what I did with my body. He’d given up on grandkids about the time he saw how decent I was at hunting, so my long hair wasn’t a personal loss.” He knew I wasn’t gonna live long enough to give him grandkids, not without some self-sacrifice on John’s part.

Mary looks a little shocked at his outburst, and Dean almost feels bad for being so blunt and crass. But then he remembers growing up with John as his male role model, and he tightens his jaw. No, the bluntness and crassness was accurate. “Oh.”

“... Yeah.” Dean bites his lip and risks another glance at his mom. 

“So, you’re okay with this?” He waves a hand at himself. Asking if she was okay with him was just too pathetic, even for him. She looks at him uncertainly, a frown he recognizes as his own on her face.

“I don’t think I’m okay with any of this, Dean. But… I guess I’ll adjust.”

[milfcodeddean]

Memento Moratus Sum

Emma Haunts the Necklace- The Fic <3

Starts more post/concepty and becomes a fic bc I did not plan on this it was stream of consciousness!  I have not seen all of the later seasons and it was hard to keep track of what plot points to mention even of all the seasons I have seen!

AO3

Emma dies and Dean keeps her necklace to have something to remember her by, partly out of grief for what could have been partly as an act of emotional self flagellation. He wears it under his shirt, a secret, just like any thoughts he has about his dead daughter. 

Emma is a ghost because she didn’t do enough to be a monster and earn her place in purgatory but she isn’t human enough for heaven and she’s anchored to the necklace.

She follows Dean around silently, quickly learning enough about ghosts to know if she reveals herself too soon or ever really then Dean is going to burn the necklace.

During season seven Dean is haunted by two ghosts, Bobby, who is actively reaching out for him, and Emma, who is a silent observer. I think Emma hides from Bobby, he’s a hunter and she doesn’t want him to tell Dean about her, OR Bobby sees her before she knows ghosts can see other ghosts and they talk and he pities her but agrees to not let Dean know

Dean is wearing the necklace when he goes to purgatory. Emma is still a ghost here but it’s different, and she’s been watching this man for months now, he’s her world now. She keeps some of the monsters away, she makes him wake up when there are threats at night, she watches him befriend a monster and burns with pain at the knowledge that maybe she could have had that. Maybe she didn’t need to kill him, maybe he would have loved her not just as a dead hypothetical but as her.

Dean comes out of purgatory with an extra extra passenger. She watches with a sense of smugness as he rages at Sam, she pretends he’s also mad over her. She doesn’t like Sam’s attitude towards Benny either. She gets to see her great grandfather and she sees him die. She talks to his ghost, he calls her granddaughter (forgetting the great) even after learning she’s an amazon, before he gets reaped.

There’s an empty room in the bunker she pretends is hers. She moves objects in there, never quite decorating, but practicing telekinesis where Dean won’t see it and making up a fantasy of a life she could have had. She still never minds being tethered to Dean, especially now as he doesn’t sleep around and spends less time in bars where she’s left uncomfortably watching. She likes going to the grocery store, she likes watching him cook, maybe a few times she’s kept a pot from boiling over or a bag from falling. She’s learning to live from watching Dean, he doesn’t know it, but he’s teaching her life skills. She doesn’t know the names for the dishes he teaches her to make or the parts of cars or guns but she etches the motions he makes into her mind. She likes Charlie, she wishes she could meet her, and she likes larping. She imagines herself as an Amazon warrior of antiquity, armored in bronze.

She tried to wake Dean and Charlie out of their djinn dream but nothing worked, she tried to fight the djinn to no avail either. When Dean and Charlie hugged she wished she could be in their embrace too.

She’s glad it’s Bobby’s ghost they use for the trial, she’s so glad she never revealed herself.

Sam is slowly growing on her, she doesn’t love him but he means enough to Dean that she would try to stop him from dying.

She knows about Gadreel. She hides harder now, afraid too of the new angel in the bunker. Castiel she likes, Castiel she watched in purgatory and she watched beat her father bloody in the crypt and she understood brain washing and the control of authorities. She almost reveals herself and her knowledge of Gadreel when Dean kicks Cas out of the bunker, but her hesitation lasts too long.

She’s tethered to Dean so she isn’t there when Kevin dies. Kevin had been another one she enjoyed observing, she envied him his mother in so many ways, Linda had been everything Lydia hadn’t been. When Kevin dies he’s haunting the bunker too. It’s almost like having a friend. He pities her, but she’ll take anything, he’s sort of her age in some ways and she teaches him how to be a ghost.

Crowley almost gives her away. He knows she’s there, but he saves her presence as a bargaining chip against Dean, a surprise tidbit to bring up later.

The father of murder can see her too. Cain keeps his eyes on her father most of the time, but the spark in his eyes and smirk when he sees her and her bloody pink shirt cut straight through her.

Her father dies. She wants to run to him, to fling her arms around him and greet him with her bloody lips and stained shirt and tell him she forgives him and she loves him and she’s sorry he’s dead but can she at least spend some of eternity with him and she wants to teach him to be a ghost and she wants to tell him so many things she’s noticed. But Crowley does something that locks her voice and powers and keeps her from the room.

Demon dean leaves the bunker with Emma’s necklace ripped off and dropped beside a bedstead.

Sam picks up the necklace. Emma hates him touching it but it’s all she can hope that he doesn’t destroy it. She doesn’t know if he recognizes it, but he doesn’t throw it away, and brings it out to show Castiel as evidence for Dean’s absence. Castiel names it as Amazon gold, recognizes it as Dean’s, but does not know it’s origin. Emma has to hear her story from her murderer’s lips. She almost shows herself, but she’s afraid Sam will cast the necklace into a fire. If they could do that to Bobby, they’ll do it to her. But she doesn’t feel like a vengeful uncontrolled spirit, perhaps it’s the Amazon magic, but she feels calmer than she ever was during her days of life.

Her necklace stays in the bunker, she watches demon Dean from a distance at first, she tries to comfort him strapped to the chair but he calls her a hallucination and lets something between a sob and a laugh out before turning away. She tries, she wipes his brow, she begs him to become human again or to die, she tries to keep the devil’s trap intact. Still she is called a hallucination. It’s almost nice to be important enough that he’d hallucinate her.

When Dean, normal human dean, is back, he fixes the necklace with pliers and holds it staring at it in his hands. He’s alone in his room. Emma gently puts her hands over his where they are clasped around her anchor to him. She doesn’t know if he can feel her. Her name comes from his mouth in a breathy whisper, wet and rough, a word unused to being spoken. He bends over himself, weeping with the necklace pressed to his mouth. Emma weeps as well. He would not weep if he did not love her, but he is a hunter and she has to chose between this silent spectatorship where she can pretend she is living in rooms beside him, or the knowledge that if he knew she was haunting him, he would burn the necklace to send her on.

She doesn’t know if there’s another afterlife for failed amazons, and from what she understands of Heaven, hers would be something pathetic like the day she met Dean before she died, or an eternity as a ghost watching him weep.

She hates watching Dean with Amara those few days. She hates the burning wretched envy risking corrupting her as he holds a baby girl that isn’t her. She hates that Amara loves Dean. And she hates even more that Amara brings back Mary instead of her.

She never realized that she wanted to be brought back and resurrected so badly and that it was even an option until she watches Dean reunite with Mary.

Dean mentions her to Mary- almost - he says he had a kid, and the cut off gesture to the necklace means her. Emma stopped minding that Dean never spoke about her. She didn’t want him to talk about her with Sam, and she quickly realized he didn’t talk about his grief with anyone. But he did wear her necklace, and sometimes he took it out from under his shirt and rubbed his thumb over the metal and she would pretend it was his thumb stroking the back of her hand. Dean didn’t talk about her and she didn’t need him to. But now he had, and with his mother. And he implied he had thought about what he would want for her, that he wouldn’t want his life of violence and moving for her.

Emma likes Mary as a warrior woman, but can’t help but understand Dean’s pain when she leaves. She understands being the surprise child older than a parent wants too much.

She tried to help Dean as she always has, but the British Men of Letters terrify her. She knows they would either keep her to study or destroy her and she can’t trust anyone to keep her secret from their spying.

Later it seems the world collapses again. Cas dies. Angels don’t have ghosts, she can never meet him. And Kelly has eyes only for her son until she is reaped. Emma wishes she could comfort Dean or that she could truly leave him to his grief. She turns away as he ties Castiel’s body with yellow curtains. She stands beside him watching the pyre.

She doesn’t understand Dean’s attitude towards Jack. She’s watched jealously how Dean interacts with Krissy, with Claire, with the orphan boys at the home, and she has her fantasy of how Dean would have treated her had she lived. The jealous part of her doesn’t want Dean to like Jack, but most of her wants Dean to go back to acting like how she expected him to, she wants the man she could pretend was being her father. And she watches Jack enough to be afraid of their similarities. To see herself in him. And if Dean hates him, would he have hated her. Does he only wear her necklace because she’s dead.

She watches silently when Dean finally breaks, confronted, and tells Sam that he sees her in Jack. She hears how he loves her. She watches Sam realize the enormity of his crime and apologize. She accepts the apology, even if it wasn’t meant for her ears. Dean doesn’t see her, but she sits beside him on the opposite side of Sam on that floor.

Something has changed.

Sometimes, it seems like Dean is glimpsing her out of the corner of his eye. He stares at the steamy bathroom mirror while he’s shaving, right at the red smear on the pink of her shirt. He nicks himself, swears, and swipes a hand through the steam, through her image. He does double takes in the rear view mirror, glancing twice at the backseat where she sits, pretending she’s part of his road trips.

Jack brings back Castiel. Jack has powers beyond what Emma could have imagined. And Jack is both nice and not fully indoctrinated into hunting ways. Emma also likes Jack, she understands so much about him, and she likes the shows he watches, she likes the way he’s nice, and in her elaborate fantasy of what if she was alive, she decides he’s her brother.

It’s hard to find a time when Jack is alone but near enough to Dean and the anchoring necklace that she can talk to him, but it happens.

Emma focuses everything she has into appearing, a heavy grounding feeling she hasn’t felt since Dean was a chained demon. The words catch in her throat, unpracticed at speaking, but she blurts out to Jack that she’s his sister, the words spilling fast, that she’s Dean’s dead daughter, she doesn’t tell him that Sam killed her, she’s seen Sam with him, their closeness she can’t decide if she envies or not. She tells him she’s an Amazon, how she’s dead but anchored, how she doesn’t have a heaven or purgatory or hell, how she wants to come back. She tells him that she likes his shows and she tells him she loves Dean and Castiel and she finds things she likes about Sam. He doesn’t look at her with pity. He looks at her with a bright spark to his eyes.

But he doesn’t resurrect her. At least not right away. Apparently he’s been too recently warned off from the idea of asking for forgiveness rather than permission. He thinks she should reveal herself to Dean first, before they decide. Emma hates the idea, she spent all of these years afraid of Dean destroying her anchor, and now she’s afraid of his rejection, what if he resents her watching him all the time, what if he blames her for not doing more. What if he wants her gone instead of brought back.

The Amazons,in their scant days of raising her, taught her to be brave.

Jack asks the family to stay after dinner.

Emma takes a deep breath, more for the instinctive motion than for a need for air, and materializes.

There’s a beat of silence and then a mess of noises. Dean drops a mug, Sam’s chair skids, everyone one is talking at once.

Emma can’t find words to say to Dean, she wants to stare at him as she always does, but she can’t bear to see rejection on his face. She waits and Jack opens his mouth to introduce her but then her name comes from Dean’s lips. It’s like that dark night where they wept in his bedroom again. She has called him many variants of father in her mind in several languages, but it is the most childish “daddy” that slips out.

No one else in the room matters, he looks at her, meeting her eyes instead of the gorey wound, and she gets eye contact without having to pretend she is what’s in his sight line.

He doesn’t ask if she’s a ghost or if she’s dead or any of the silly civilian questions. He only manages “how” before fumbling for the necklace, and she nods confirmation. She wonders if he’s planning on burning it.

He asks how long and suddenly words spill forth, she tells him she’s been here the whole time, watching, she says she sorry about Bobby and Kevin and Charlie and Kelly and Cas and Benny she tells him the ones she helped with being a ghost, she tells him about watching the others move on, she says she’s sorry she couldn’t do more when he was a demon and something in his expression breaks, she says she’s sorry she never showed herself.

He holds up a hand, stopping her before she apologizes again, and says he remembers her when he was a demon, that he had thought she was a hallucination, she nods and cries anew.

She wants to tell him that she’s watched him and loves him and even if it’s embarrassing she wants to say she’s pretended to be alive with him, and she wants most of all to ask if he loves her, to hear it said to her face.

Instead he asks weakly why she’s here now.

She says she wanted to come clean about haunting him, says she’s thought about it for years and was scared he would burn the necklace, says she’s learned about ghosts from him and she’s never felt vengeful, she doesn’t feel corrupted, and maybe it’s because she’s a monster. His face twitches at that word.

Jack interrupts, changing the air in the room and suddenly both she and Dean remember their audience. Sam’s eyes are wet and he looks something close to afraid. Emma hopes the look on Castiel’s face is softness for her too and not just Jack.

Jack offers to bring her back, tells Dean that they didn’t want to do it behind his back. Emma turns invisible again out of the sick swoosh of anxiety that overwhelms her. She barely hears through her ringing ears that Dean desperately agrees and says yes, fumbling to take the necklace off and pass it to Jack.

She’s going to have to wait a few days. Jack is going to bring her back where her body is, and that’s more than 24 hours of driving away, and Dean wants to be there.

It’s a weird car ride, they know she’s there, and she sits between Castiel and Jack in the back of the Impala. They had her pick a set of Jack’s clothes to replace her bloody shirt, they have food and water for her. Emma doesn’t have a name for the emotions she’s feeling and they’re almost overwhelming.

They don’t have to dig her up to bring her back, Jack’s powers allow for that at least, and Emma is glad, she’s watched Dean dig up enough graves to imagine what she’ll look like.

Then Jack’s eyes glow bright gold.

It’s like what she imagines being born feels like. Overwhelming and dark and bright and both blissful and painful. And then she is gasping with real lungs and the sunlight is bright in her eyes and she can feel the textures of her clothing and the grass.

And then arms and hands are on her, Dean is pulling her to her feet and into his embrace in one motion.

She’s never been hugged by him, and it’s better than her jealous imaginings when he held others. She never wants to let go, she feels safe and warm and loved and his hand is on her hair and she can smell him and feel his heartbeat.

He finally lets go and steps back to look at her, keeping a hand on her shoulder and cupping her cheek with the other. There are streaks of tears matching her own on his face. His hands leave only to be replaced by Jack.

Jack’s hug is different but enthusiastic, there are no tears, he is beaming, part proud, part delighted, she can’t help but smile back. He calls her sister and she accepts him as brother.

Castiel does not embrace her, but his greeting his warm and his eyes match his smile. He clasps her hand between his and Emma’s heart swells.

She knows Sam doesn’t know how to look at her or how to talk to her. She doesn’t know what she wants from him either. She knows hes sorry, she’s heard it from his own lips, not to her, but to the only other person to whom it would matter. She smiles hesitantly at him, instead of glaring, and waves.

Then she slips her hand back into Dean’s and lets him pull her into another hug. She feels light and giddy and afraid this is all a dream. If she died and this is heaven then she would accept that too.

But it’s real, she changes out of her bloody shirt and into a blue one of Jack’s, she drinks water for the first time in years and eats fruit snacks from a packet pulled from Castiel’s trench-coat pocket, and a cereal bar.

A few hours later they stop at a nicer diner than Emma usually sees them eat at, and Dean tells the hostess it’s his daughter’s birthday and Emma gets to order foods she’s been curiously watching people eat for years off the menu. The restaurant gives her cake.

Emma’s cheeks hurt from smiling, and Dean’s eyes have not lost their cheerful crinkle and Jack is beaming and even Sam and Castiel look endlessly pleased.

Later there will be harder talks, about the things she’s witnessed, later she’ll talk about haunting their steps, about the years of questions built up, later she’ll realize she doesn’t remember how to sleep and Dean will sit and try to stroke her hair and talk softly and it’s nice but not enough. Later it will be Castiel who explains how to become human, how to adjust to having a body, how to sleep and how to tell if you like a food or not. Later she will argue with Dean about her usefulness on hunts and he will tell her how scared he is of her dying again. Later Mary will come back and die. Later Jack will die and a demon will wear his corpse and she will hate and fear it, later God will tell her she is an interloper in his story.

But for now Emma has a family and a piece of cake and a table of smiles.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

[mego42]

OK but!!! Come over here and randomly sink the 8 ball???? Can we talk about this???? Does rio not understand how the game of pool works??? Was he just hanging out playing against himself prior to this??? Is it a metaphor??? Is 8 the only number he knows???? THOUGHTS????

the fact that we open the scene with a center shot of beth, all bambi-eyes and openly???? letting him see???? her vulnerable????????

the fact that she still sees him as a lifeline and turns to him for help in spite of him being demonstrably useless literally every time she’s asked

the fact that he’s open to it and asks what she needs

aaaaaand then shuts her down when she says it’s for dean

but also is still giving her some p solid, if, you know, a touch sociopathic advice

and then the fact that said advice more or less amounts to please let your ~technical husband rot in jail crime wife

and yes, the fact that he is, apparently just hanging out! in his own bar! after hours! alone! playing pool with himself!

which sounds like it should be a euphemism tbh but no! it is entirely literal!

everyone involved in this show is a lunatic including all of us!

i love it!

literally wtf are you doing rio

i would like to point out he is losing to himself which is fucking hysterical

and also extremely apt, tbh

he climbs up the pool cue when he stands. why. to what purpose.

he told her to be smart before he murdered her co-worker and beth’s like, not even phased at all by that reference

i am teLlinG y’alL murder is their foreplay, the hitman thing’s gonna be fine

if anything he’s gonna be hurt she outsourced it

which, valid!!!!!!

why are his fingers so long why why WHY

every time he lines up and takes a shot i make this sort of garbled hairpin in a vacuum cleaner noise

i didn’t ask to be like this

and when he sees that the please let him rot please please please pitch is not helping beth’s stress level he pivots and like, actually tries to be comforting????????

but is also incredibly bad at it

remember when beth was like my husband took my children and rio was like that sucks, here’s an open tab byyyyyyeeeeee

he is not the best shoulder, is what i’m saying

and yet!! she keeps going to him anyway!!!!

he’s like SIVER LINING MAYBE YOU’LL WANT TO FUCK YOUR HUSBAND AGAIN AND BETH JUST STEAMROLLS RIGHT PAST THAT

it like doesn’t even register

fuck that guy? don’t be absurd crime husband

also like

who exactly might want to hit what again hmmmmmmm HMMMMMMMMMMM

i am just saying it feels like there are some layErs here

he is so satisfied when she points out nothing sticks to him i want to slap him i want to slap myself i want to slap everyone

i gOt lucK oN my siDe / mayBe yoU do tOo

smells like foreshadowing in here

also jumping back the way his smile s o f t e n s when he says maybe you do too

the urge to slap remains strong but now with a side of leave mE here tO diE

(bringing back @pynkhues​ tag meanderings bc it lives in my head now, is this rio’s way of saying he can protect her class please discuss)

and now we arrive at sink the eight ball

i know it’s ridiculous i know but i can’t help it they’re standing there with a the pool cue and the pool table and it’s all weird tangled intimacy that’s about to flip over into intense sexual tension and i am not coping well with this at all

i’m not okay

THE WAY HE PULLS THE CUE AWAY

AND THE WAY SHE’S LIKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER I STG

let beth boland unhinge her jaw and devour the world 2k21 she deserves it

idk what to tell you beth you like it

like let’s pause for a sec and examine the situation shall we? this ep provides some really interesting contrast between beth’s extremely different relationships with the men in her life.

1. we have dean who is, i would argue, shown throughout the ep to be a complete albatross of guilt and long expired, turned toxic gratitude dangling from a rapidly fraying thread called parenting. he’s furious with beth to the point of not wanting to see her while in prison, choosing to stay in prison to avoid coping with how thoroughly their house of cards is tumbling down and the reality of who beth is and who they are to each other that collapse is exposing. 2. we have fitzpatrick who repeatedly tramples her boundaries in a tunnel vision pursuit of the person he thinks she is and his fantasy of the relationship he could have with this person who doesn’t actually exist and we’ve seen how uncomfortable it makes beth to the point that she finally blows up at him, reasserting who she is and it, idk if i would say scares him, but it definitely turns him off. 3. and then we have rio who she is locked in a nightmare game of cat and mouse with, who she has convinced herself is the source of all of her problems and yet when push comes to shove is still the person that she turns to for guidance and support, who she has no objection to sharing physical space with (i hear rumors the pool scene reads wildly divide and yeah i can see how but i am firmly camp they are both experiencing some stupidly complicated emotional upheaval and that’s what that face is, y’all take it how you will), who is also the only person this ep to witness the single, genuine, uncomplicatedly happy glimpse of one elizabeth boland née marks (who can’t help but grin in response to her joy and honestly who wouldn’t she is so gd cUte before he rips the rug out from underneath her)

i got worked up and forgot where i was going with this

something about contrast

but also the like, comfort and familiarity and ease even when Extremely Annoyed

idk i just think it’s neat

let’s see what else happens

oh right they play """"""""""pool"""""""""""

wait no, we’re not there yet

first rio’s gotta do that big-eyed disney princess look he shoots beth’s way from time to time, 209 being the notable example that comes to mind

h E Lp

so now we’re at sinking the eight ball

yeah, no, he does not know how pool works

i’d say it’s embarrassing but what isn’t with them

SPEAKING OF EMBARRASSING

or maybe i mean inexplicable

i tried to be v hardcore on not letting myself speculate about the pool scene and how it would come to be so sexy bc speculation has only ever led to either disappointment or me getting really, really over the top competitive about it to the point where it isn’t even fun for me anymore (which is saying something) but i couldn’t help spinning out potential scenarios bc like why???? how????? the man is draped over her like a blanket and smELliNg heR haiR surely that doesn’t just happen??????

WHAT A FOOL I WAS

LITERALLY FOR NO REASON AT ALL RIO’S LIKE FUCK YOUR PERSONAL SPACE CRIME WIFE IT’S OUR PERSONAL SPACE

AND BETH’S JUST LIKE YEAH SURE CRIME HUSBAND THIS IS FINE AND NORMAL I HAVE NO FURTHER COMMENTARY

LIKE?????????????????????????????????????????

h An dS

hAn D S

H a nD s

anD theN hE smelLs heR hAir like a fuckiN lunAtic

i just

TO WHAT PURPOSE

SCIENCE P L E A S E E X P L A I N

i know we all like to argue until the cows come home over what specific flavor of sloppy the show is and then we argue with the cows but like

this didn’t happen out of nowhere

they’re setting something up

(they fuckin’)

(do not argue with me or my cows)

thE shoUldeR roLl

no thoughts just that

AND THEN SHE MAKES IT

(and everything b o u n c e s)

AND SHE’S SO CUTE????? MY WIFE???????? I LOVE HER????????????

no but literally when was the last time beth was that happy

it’s so pure

and it makes him lauGh toO

s Of t

and then rio’s like no but seriously fuck your husband let him rot in jail and beth’s facce falls and my heart breaks and everyone remembers everything is terrible bc they are absolutely inFURIATING nigHTMARE PEOPLE who caNNOT USE THEIR WORDs

what was the actual question here i don’t even remember

oh right why the eight ball

probs bc it color coordinated with both his and beth’s outfits bc he is A Heaux Like That

[bluefirecas]

Belonging.

Word Count: 5.6k

Rating: General Audience

Warnings: Mention of depression.

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Relationship: Dean Winchester/Castiel

READ ON AO3 

Summary: Set around 13x05 (Advanced Thanatology) and post 13x06 (Tombstone). Part 1 : Dean is grieving, Sam is worried for his brother. Part 2 : Castiel just came back from the Empty. Jack left the bunker and now Cas is ready to leave to find him.

Author’s note: It’s an angsty with a happy ending CODA and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it.

-----------------

“Noooooo!”

It’s midnight and Dean wakes up with a jolt. A flash of white light and he’s writhing in agony; screaming. Sam comes running to his room, pointing his gun in Dean's direction, but lowers it the moment he steps inside.

Dean's wide awake, breathing heavily, soaked in sweat. He's quiet now but even then, Dean pays no attention to Sam. Instead he's fixated on his bedroom door, like he’s waiting for someone. Sam takes a seat at the edge of the bed, and feels how unusually cold Dean’s body is. He wraps a blanket around his brother and holds him until he stops shaking.

It takes a few minutes before Dean acknowledges Sam's presence. He pats Sammy's arm around his neck, gesturing to him that he's okay.

"How bad?"

"The usual."

"It didn’t seem like it. Do you want to talk about it, Dean?"

Dean shakes his head.

"Okay, well. You know if you need anything I'm right down the hall?"

"I know, Sam. Now get outta here and get some sleep."

Sam gives a half-smile before he gets up to leave. Dean is lying and Sammy knows it.

"Should I leave the door open?"

"I'm not a kid, Sam."

Dean gets out of bed immediately after to wash his face. He knows he won’t be able to sleep now. He's focused on his reflection in the mirror and there it is. A flash of familiar blue eyes. He's not afraid though. How can he? This isn’t the first time. He remembers every detail of his nightmare. All of it. How can he ever forget?

-----------------

It happens again. And again. Dean can’t sleep much nowadays but whenever he does, he usually wakes up screaming.

Sam's quick to rush in to help. Once, he found Dean crawled into a corner, head in his hands. His brother has had sleepless nights before, but never like this. Sam can see what it's doing to him, but Dean won't talk about it and he knows better than to keep on asking him. This is not the Dean he knows.

-----------------

“I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

Dean confesses. They've had a long, tiring day. Going to family therapy for a case, turned out to be just what they needed. Sam lets out his breath in a long drawn out sigh. He knew there wasn’t anything that he could possibly say to make it better. Dean is grieving. He has lost too much; as has Sam but he understands that he has always had his big brother to take care of even the littlest things. Dean remembers losing their mother much more vividly than Sam; not just because he was too young to remember, but because Dean always made sure his baby brother, his Sammy, never had to relive that horrifying truth until he was old enough to understand it. Now it’s Sam’s turn to take care of Dean, just like he did, all his life. He'll keep the faith for both of them, he won't back down.

-----------------

Sam will do whatever it takes to help his brother deal with everything that’s happened, and all that’s going on, the best way he knows - a hunt. With a side of strippers, maybe, that ought to cheer him up. He'll give him Agent Page; he'll make sure Dean gets to do everything that he enjoys.

So he finds something near Grand Junction, Colorado; a missing kid and a traumatized best friend found wandering on the side of the road just uttering the word “monster”. Perfect. It’ll just be the two of them, like old times. Jack can stay back in the bunker with some extra warding and Sam's favourite fantasy movies. Sam knows Dean needs this more than he does.

-----------------

“I mean, when’s the last time we worked a case, just you and me?”

“It’s been a while.”

“Exactly. So?”

-----------------

“You okay?”

“No. Sam, I’m not okay. I’m pretty far from okay. You know, my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost. Whether it was dad... or Bobby or… and I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting, because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now Mom and Cas… And I-I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“So now you don’t believe anymore.”

“I just need a win. I just need a damn win.”

-----------------

Bullets, bacon and booze.

That's how Dean said he will cope. Dying wasn't supposed to be on his agenda. Then where the hell did that come from?

Their ride back from Colorado is a long one. 7 hours of deafening music for Sam. They’ve been driving for what feels like forever. They stop at a diner to have lunch, and at a Gas station but Dean hasn’t said much since they got into the Impala, and after what happened on the hunt, Sam can’t let it go.

It wasn't supposed to go like this, Sam just wanted to distract Dean for a little while, but in a drastic turn of events, he almost lost his brother, for real this time.

Sam really needs to talk to him. He lowers the volume, clears his throat, and turns to look at Dean.

“Hey, you wanna tell me what happened back there?”

“About what? I told you everything. I saw Billie.”

“About why you decided to kill yourself in two freaking seconds? And why the hell did you think it was a good idea in the first place?"

Sam has snapped. Dean can tell it's not gonna be pretty. Still focused on the road, he answers almost mechanically.

“It's the job, and you know it. I had to, Sam. There wasn’t any time.”

“No, Dean. You didn’t have to. We could've discussed it first or we could've found an alternative or I could've done it too!”

“Sammy, you know I wouldn’t let you do something like that.”

“But you’d do it in an instant without hesitation? Without talking to me? That’s not fair, Dean. I almost lost you. Do you realize how hard those three minutes were for me? No goodbyes… Nothing? What if you had stayed dead?”

Dean hits the brakes and pulls over to the side of the road. This is not the conversation to have when he's driving.

When has life ever been fair to us, Sammy?

Dean can't find the courage to look at Sam so he concentrates on the road instead. It’s almost sunset and he notices how the sky looks like a painting, beautiful shades of red and orange, yellow and pink. There’s still a little blue left towards the horizon through which he can see the long road ahead of them. An empty stretch and there’s not a single soul in sight. Empty. Just like how he feels right now. He knows Sam’s right.

Dean reluctantly turns to get a glimpse of his brother before he looks back at the dark road. His little brother, who is furious now while trying so hard to hold back his tears. Dean feels a little ashamed. He did make the decision in haste, not caring whether he lived or died. He has given up. But he can't do that to Sam.

He can still hear every word Billie said to him. “You have changed. And you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it, but you know you won't, you can’t and that scares the hell out of you.” But how can he say that to Sam? Billie told them to keep working, keep fighting. But they never stopped, and he won't ever stop. He can’t abandon his brother and leave him all alone. That's not what family is for.

It's not too late. “Sam, I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have done it." Dean says apologetically.

“I know I'm supposed to say it's okay, but it's not Dean. Ever since that night, you've been on edge, and honestly, I don't blame you. Nothing makes sense anymore. I get it, Dean. Every time it feels like we're doing okay, that we'll be fine, we lose it all. We're cursed. I hate that. Sometimes I hate being alive; it feels like it's all my fault."

Sam wipes his face with his hands and gets out of the car to take a breather. He leans against the hood of the Impala. Dean knows it's been the hardest couple of weeks for both of them, but he never thought that Sam is suffering just as much as him. And even then he was trying to help him in his own stupid ways. How could he not see?

Dean swings around in his seat to grab a beer from the cooler in the back before he follows his brother out of the car. He sits right next to him and offers him a beer.

"I-I didn't know, Sammy. I should've been there for you. I'm sorry."

Sam can't ever refuse Dean's apology beer. He takes a swig and finds the words he's been wanting to say to Dean for weeks now.

"You're not alone in this Dean. I know about the nightmares. That you’re barely getting any sleep, because I'm up half of the time too. I’ve seen you walk around the bunker, making food in the middle of the night. But you don’t even eat it. I’ve seen you sitting by yourself with a beer in your hand but you don’t drink it. You just stare at it, like you’re waiting for it to say something? I know you’re in pain. You're thinking about Cas… and Mom… I know. We'll find her, Dean. We have to."

“I believe you Sammy. I do. But I’m just so tired of losing everyone I love. I couldn’t save mom. God knows where she is or if she's even alive."

"Dean, I have to believe that she’s alive, I can feel it. She’s our mom! She’s strong, she won’t ever give up. You asked me to keep the faith. I will. We’ll find her.”

"I don't know… I honestly don't. I couldn’t save Cas. I couldn’t protect them. I failed, and I watched him die, again! You saw it too; you know he’s not coming back this time. I just don’t have the energy to fight anymore.”

There's a pause, a long one. Dean glances at Sam but he's looking out the other side. Several minutes pass before either of them speaks again. It's getting darker and as much as Dean loved watching sunsets before, he can't seem to enjoy them anymore. It's Sam that breaks the silence.

“Did you ever tell him? About how you feel?”

Sam's scanning his face for some sort of a sign. Dean turns slightly pink and looks like he's been caught red-handed but he tries to play it cool. “What?” He asks casually.

“Cas. Did you ever tell him?”

Sam shifts in his place till he’s facing Dean, who's still leaning against his Baby. He takes another gulp of his cold beer, looking surprised, almost embarrassed. Sam patiently waits for an answer.

“What the hell are you talking about? Tell him what?” Dean asks with a hint of hesitation in his tone.

Sam wastes absolutely no time before he speaks.

“You know Dean, I’ve seen how you looked at him. He was our best friend, but he was always something more to you. I realized that; in fact I saw it every time you both so much as looked at each other. The question is, why didn’t you?”

“Are you drunk? Do you even know what you’re saying?”

Sam frowns. “I know what I'm talking about, Dean. But you don’t. I never said anything because it’s not my place but now Cas is dead and you don’t want to live anymore? It’s not just about mom, and you know it.”

Sam’s wrong. This can’t be true. It’s Cas! Of course he's upset. Cas was his best friend, and now he’s- he’s gone. He was his closest friend; that’s all there is to it. But, why doesn’t it feel that way?

“Of course I’m not okay. We just lost Cas and we don't know anything about mom and I don’t know what to do.”

“Look, Dean. All I’m saying is, when I lost Jess, you were there for me. Now I want to be there for you. I can’t bring him back, but I’m right here by your side, for whatever you need. You can talk to me.”

“You loved Jess. That was different.”

“And you don’t? You don’t love Cas?”

But before he can reply, they’re interrupted. Dean’s phone is ringing. He takes this perfect opportunity to avoid the question he doesn’t know the answer to. If he tells Sam that he’s never thought about it, he’d be lying.

Sam’s glaring at him, nostrils flaring. Dean answers the call, and just like that, within a moment, Sam watches his brother’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

“What is it? Who was it?”

“It’s Cas. He’s alive.”

-----------------

“You’re in a good mood, huh?”

“Yeah. And?”

“Nothing. No, no, I just, uh… you’ve been having a rough go, so it’s… it’s good to see you smile.”

“Well, I said I needed a big win. We got Cas back. That’s a pretty damn big win.”

“Yeah. Fair enough. So are you gonna talk to him now?”

“We’ll talk about this later, Sammy.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m just saying, don’t waste any more time.”

This time, Sam waits for Dean to respond. Several seconds pass, but Dean doesn’t say anything. Sam’s done putting their coats in the closet; he shuts the cupboard, walks up to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. He gives it a gentle squeeze, like an assurance of some kind. Dean's looking anywhere but at Sam.

“Dean, I will never judge you for feeling how you feel, you know that right? I’m your brother and I love you. I’ve looked up to you most of my life and I will do anything for you. But I’ve also seen you around Cas. I know you, Dean. You and him? That’s something special. And I think he knows it too.”

Dean's fiddling with his hat. He's been on a roll ever since Cas came back from the Empty. That and a case in Dodge City? Cherry on top. It's like someone brought him back to life and he can finally breathe again. Dean can't help but feel… happy. And Sam's not blind, so he can't deny it. Cas is Dean's big win. Sam can see it too. But what about Cas?

“Sammy… I-I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know anything.”

“You will know soon enough. Trust me. Just talk to him.”

“This is not how I’m supposed to feel. It’s wrong; hell, it’s so wrong.”

“It’s not wrong, Dean. It’s love. Love can never be wrong.”

Love. There it is.

“You think I love him?”

-----------------

“All right. Well, let’s go.”

Dean gets up from his seat as soon as Cas mentions that he's going to heaven to get some intel on Jack.

“Dean, you can’t accompany me. My contact is already anxious about meeting and won’t speak in the presence of a stranger.”

“So introduce me. Then I’m not a stranger. I’ll bring a six-pack.”

“Dean, I swore I would protect this boy. Let me do this.”

Cas takes off.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Dean yells with a hint of worry in his voice but Cas ignores him and keeps on walking.

“Are you just gonna let him go? Again?”

“What can I do, Sam? You heard him.”

“Since when do you do what you’re told?”

“I don’t know if I should do this, Sammy… He doesn’t want me to come. And he doesn’t want to stay. I can’t make him.”

“You know you can. Tell him. You may never get another chance, Dean. This is it.”

“What if I ruin everything? What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“I'm sure he does. He loves you, Dean. Go, now. Don’t let him leave.”

Dean seems nervous, but Sam can see his excitement rising. Dean’s slowly grinning now. He pulls Sam in for a rib crushing hug and Sam obliges. This is the happiest he's ever seen his brother considering what they've been through.

“I’m gonna bring him back, Sammy.”

-----------------

It’s extraordinary the things you can accomplish once you put your mind to it. At the time, Cas had little hope that his plan to escape the Empty would work. He never thought he had it in him. He took a gamble and now he’s out of that dark place, the void, leaving behind the worst parts of himself in the Empty. All his time on Earth, and the Winchesters, taught him to fight for what you want and when the time came, Cas knew what he had to do.

Sitting in his car, still parked in the bunker’s huge parking lot, he’s desperate to do anything he can to find Jack and save him from everybody; the demons, the Angels and probably himself. After Jack vanished, Cas and the Winchesters tried every lead they had to track down the Nephilim, but he’s surprisingly good at staying under the radar, considering he’s only been here for a few weeks. Jack was so angry and hurt when he left and Cas feels responsible. How could he let this happen? Jack was his responsibility and he had made a promise to Kelly that he would protect her son no matter what and teach him everything he can about embracing his human side. Now Jack’s gone and Cas doesn’t know what to do. Right now, he’s helpless and he can only hope the Angels haven’t gotten a hold of him, or worse, Asmodeus’ demons. He can tell Jack’s a good kid from the little time he’s spent with him. After all it was Jack who woke him up in the Empty.

He knows he should start the car and start moving but there’s something eating him up inside. He wishes he still had his wings and could just zap himself anywhere but it’s his fault that the angels fell, so he no doubt deserves it. It was a trap, and he fell for it like a fool. Just like he thought he could help by letting Lucifer in. Dean tells him that it wasn’t his fault; that he was only trying to help but Cas still feels guilty for everything. He wishes he could be of help, and not just a screw-up. Whenever he tries to do the right thing, he fails, and that burden, that failure is absolutely crushing him every moment of his existence because he’s hurting everyone around him.

He doesn’t know how to fix it. Nothing seems to work in his favour and he’s starting to feel like he shouldn’t be anywhere near Sam and Dean for their own well-being. He’s never told them about this, but he feels like if he does, they’ll agree with him. He is broken, and he knows it. But he doesn’t know how to get rid of this feeling. Feelings. He has feelings now and no way to cope with them.

It is strange, to be a cosmic being, an angel who’s fallen in every way possible. Ever since he experienced what it like is to be human, it has always stayed with him. His compassion, his morality, the taste of PB&J, a slight feeling of belonging, and most importantly, his feelings for Dean. But he also felt the pain, the guilt, the feeling of hopelessness, his inadequacy and his failures. It still haunts him to this day and he doesn’t know how to make it stop.

It’s time to leave his thoughts behind and get going, he tells himself sternly. He told the Winchesters that he will check with the Angels to see if they have any information that can help him find Jack and bring him home. Dean wanted to join him, but he can’t let that happen. He can’t let Dean accompany him.

He’s only been back a couple of days and they haven’t even had a chance to talk. And with everything that’s going on, Cas can’t focus on anything else but Jack, no matter how much he wants to stay at the bunker, his home. Home. Not in heaven, not with the Angels, but with Dean, with Sam, his family. He still doesn’t know if it’s true but that’s what Dean always says, and Cas wants to believe it, so bad, but he’s not able to.

The day Castiel saved Dean Winchester from hell was the day this one insignificant human became his mission. He would do such things for him that he didn’t know he was capable of doing. He was a warrior of heaven, always following his orders, always being the best at his job, and always fighting for the righteous cause. He never thought anyone could change that; anyone, let alone a human.

Dean Winchester changed everything for Castiel. For starters, he became “Cas”. He’s always liked his nickname, the one Dean gave him. And Cas loves it. Dean. Dean. Dean. He can never get him out of his head. He remembers it all, right from the beginning and all the way to where they are now. He was just a “hammer” as Dean says, not caring about anyone or anything. And then he started having doubts, all because of him. He wouldn’t have been able to help stop heaven’s dirty plan had it not been for everything he learnt from Dean and Sam. He never realized just how quickly Dean became something more than a mission; his friend, his best friend, his family.

He will never forget the day he woke up in the Empty. It was pitch black, nothing to see and nowhere to go. How poetic, Cas thought. After everything he’s done, he probably deserves it. An eternity of solitude and unrest, nothing but his memories to accompany him. And then just when he thought he was all alone, he found someone. It called itself “the Empty” but it looked just like his vessel.

How can he forget looking in its eyes, seeing his worst fears, with the most terrible part of him staring back at him? Everything the Empty told him was true, or it had seemed true at that moment, and Cas was on the verge of giving up. But somewhere along the way he realized that he’s not worthless. He has a family on Earth. Sam and Dean may be damaged but they love him. He had to get back to them and be the guardian angel that he’s always been. And now there’s Jack too, he’s Cas’ mission now, after Dean, he has a cause and he just cannot abandon him. He can’t give up.

And just like that, he was out. The sun shone on him again and he was free.

He called Dean; he’ll always be the first phone call Cas makes. And look how happy Dean was to have him back! How can he ever doubt him? That he doesn’t love him? But he will never ask Dean about it. He will never read his mind. And he will never act on his feelings for him. He’s still an angel and Dean’s not. Why did it have to be like this?

His time as a human taught him so much about them - about their feelings, about food, about pain and heartbreak, but most importantly, about love. Love that he felt in his heart, his soul and his whole body, love for Dean.

His soul ached for Dean’s comfort, his warmth. All he wanted was to stay with him, be with him and hold him close. He didn’t know it would be this hard. Dean told him to leave just when he needed him the most. And that was the first time he could hear his pulse racing, his body numb and every atom in his being telling him to scream at Dean and ask him, how he could do that to him?

He becomes lost in thought again. In fact, he’s so distracted that he doesn’t hear the footsteps coming towards his direction. He looks to his right and watches as Dean rushes to him, frantically waving at him to stop the car. Cas stops the ignition and gets out, all confused and worried. Did something happen to Sam? Why would Dean be in such a rush to stop him otherwise? Dean reaches the car, bends over, and puts his hands on his knees, panting, gesturing to Cas to give him a second to catch his breath.

In that moment Cas is reminded again that he is an immortal being and he’ll never grow old, but Dean is not. He will age, and he will one day, leave him. He puts a hand on the hunter’s shoulder and asks him with concern, “Dean, what’s wrong? Is Sam okay?”

“He’s fine. Listen. I know you told me to not come with you but I don’t care. I’m coming with. Can’t let you get yourself into trouble again.”

“Dean. I’m an Angel. I know how to handle myself.”

Dean feels a flash of irritation followed by a moment of grief. He remembers what it was like with Cas gone.

“Are you sure? Because from what I remember, the last time it got you killed. And I can’t let that happen again!”

Dean is staring at him like he’s about to murder him. Cas can see Dean is running on sheer anger now. He decides to try reason. He knew there was no point arguing with him right now. He takes a long breath and speaks calmly.

“I was trying to protect you and Sam. You know that.”

“Cas, I don’t care. I’m coming with you and that’s it.”

“Dean, please. Let me do this. I owe it to Kelly. Jack was my responsibility and I’ve already ruined it once. I can’t wreck it again.”

Dean looks away and takes a step towards the driver’s seat to open the door, and looks back at him and speaks with a new conviction in his voice.

“That’s what I’m saying, Cas. I can’t let you get yourself killed again. I just can’t. I watched you die. I won’t let that happen again. Ever. So you get your ass back in your crappy car and we’ll do this together.”

Cas takes a step back. He doesn’t know how to stop Dean. Again, nothing works. Dean can be so stubborn. Why wouldn’t he just back off this once?

“Why do you care so much Dean? What if you get killed while you’re trying to protect me? What will I tell Sam? I can’t live with that guilt for the rest of eternity. I can’t take that chance. So if I die, I die. I deserve it. I’ve just made everything worse for you. I don’t want Sam to lose his brother because he’s trying to save me.”

Dean can’t believe Cas just said that. He looks at his angel with resolve. He’s determined to stop him and he will. He’s not going to leave Cas on his own again. He’s always had trouble talking about his feelings, no chick flick moments, but not today. Cas just came back from the dead, again. Dean can’t lose him now. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

“Cas, can we talk about this?”

“What is there to discuss, Dean?”

“I know I haven’t always been there for you, especially when you lost your grace and you needed me the most. I was a dick to you. I still am sometimes. But you’re my best friend and I care about you, man. I need you!”

Dean takes a hesitant step towards Cas. It’s been a few seconds since he stopped talking but Cas hasn’t said anything. Dean can feel the tension building. He’s looking expectantly at Cas because he’s confident it will work in his favour. He knows it will. And then he won’t have to admit the “other stuff”, the real reason he came up here for. He can talk about that later, when the time is right. But Cas is just staring at him, searching for something; like he’s waiting for an answer to a question that he never asked.

Cas is the first one to break eye contact, he looks down at his feet and glances back up at Dean. In all the time he has known Cas, he’s never seen him like this.

“Cas? Say something?”

“I don’t know how to make you understand, Dean. It’s not just about that. I can’t stay here. I want to, I do, but I can’t. You don’t understand, you never will. And I can’t blame you for it. It’s better if I go. Let me go, please.”

“Too bad. I’m not going to let you just leave like that. So try me.”

“Dean, please. Don’t force me.”

“I’m not forcing you. I just want to know what’s wrong. So tell me, I want to know.”

“You don’t understand the consequences it can have if I tell you. It can be catastrophic! I can’t risk it, Dean!” Cas raises his voice.

“Damn it, Cas! Why can’t you just talk to me? Can’t you see I’m trying to help you? You’re my best friend!”

Dean pauses for a moment, collecting himself. “You’re more important to me than you think, Cas. Can’t you see that?”

“What…?”

“I… I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t understand anything. All I know is that when I lost you, I thought it was final and I tried to bring you back, I tried! I prayed to Chuck, I begged him to bring you back, to bring mom back, but nothing happened! There were days when I just didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t know what to do!”

Dean moves a little closer now, and Cas can see tears forming up in his eyes. Just when he’s about to say something, Dean raises his hands and cradles his angel’s face gently, his thumbs caressing his cheeks.

“Cas. I don’t understand how it happened, I don’t know when it happened, but now you’re back by some miracle and I have to tell you. You are my everything. I’m not losing you again okay? Now you better tell me what the hell is going on.”

“Dean… I don’t know what to say, or how to say it. I’m not human and I’m not allowed to feel anything. But since the day I met you, everything has changed. I rebelled, I constantly went against my kind and now I don’t have a home. I’m neither an Angel nor a human. You and Sam are my friends but look where that got you. I always bring trouble and when I can’t even protect myself, how will I protect you?”

“You have a home, Cas. This is your home. I’m your home. I want you to stay here with me. I don’t care about anything else!” Dean’s almost yelling at Cas now.

“Dean, please. You have to understand that we don’t belong together. We can’t. I don’t belong anywhere. I’m an outsider and I always will be.”

Cas cannot let this happen. Dean must understand. He can’t risk his life. He can’t be with him. He gently moves Dean’s hands away from his face and turns his back on him.

Dean refuses to let this go. It took him too many years to finally realize how he feels. So much time wasted, so many missed opportunities. He goes around Cas to face him. He won’t back down, and this will not be the end. Cas is not even looking at him, but he will make him.

Dean whispers “Cas. I love you.” And more firmly, “I’m in love with you.”

Astonished, Cas looks up at the hunter. The human for whom he sacrificed everything; all of it, because he made him question everything he had known about heaven. How can he be in love with him? Surely, Dean must be mistaken for Cas doesn’t matter. He served heaven and now he helps the Winchesters.

“Dean, you don’t know what you’re saying.” Cas responds wistfully, lowering his gaze.

“I do. I want to be with you. You get it? I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. You’re not an outsider to me, Cas. You’re my family. You’ll always be. Look at me, Cas.”

Dean gently takes Cas’ face in his palms, wiping away a tear from his right cheek. He is fixated on Cas’ tired but beautiful, piercing blue eyes; the kind of eyes that remind you of all the colours you’d find in the ocean. You’d be willing to drown in them.

“You can never hurt me or Sam. You belong with me.”

“You deserve someone better than me, Dean. You deserve to be happy.”

Dean pokes at his chest. “I deserve you. You make me happy. I dare you to take that away from me.”

Castiel smiles. Dean Winchester is stubborn.

“Now let’s go upstairs and tell Sam, he’s been waiting! And after that, we’ll go and find Jack, the three of us. We’re better together.”

-----------------

If you read it all, thank you from the bottom of my heart :’D Please don’t hesitate to leave comments, I would love love love to know what you thought about this :)

Thank you @valleydean & @bend-me-shape-me for all your input and being so effin’ patient with me!! :’)

TAGGING! : @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @nasayra @womenofletters67 @neatcatastrophe @awolfnamedaliac @there-are-no-gods-here @eclypseaf @theninthdutchessofhell @starlightcastiel @jackttwist @celestialcastiel @foodiestiel @thewinchester-gospel

[inacatastrophicmind]

Hi I went through few cons and I actually got my heart broken a little bit. Every one of them had Jensen denying the idea of Destiel or Dean being anything but the American male fantasy.

Vancon 2012 J2 panel he avoids the fan who is screaming Destiel. I understand that because he was going through something Misha shaped during 2012. Destiel was the last thing he wanted in his life then.

The controversial NJCon 2013 where he pretty much rudely avoids the Bi Dean question. I mean come on there were so many ways to back down there but just giving into that crowd like that and shooting down that girl who asked the question? I know she actually explained what happened there but he is saying things to convey he is unhappy where that question is heading. JP who is considered the immature even is considering answering the question the girl is continuously apologising it is a horror show there while Jensen is just being plain rude.

Jib 2014 solo panel where he is asked if Dean will ever get his pie. And he denies Cas ever being there at the end of the line. And ironically at the end, he was only there with all kinds of pie but no Cas. Amazing how life worked out for him.

Jib 2015 solo panel where he again denies both CasDean and Destiel from Fan Fiction episode. JPad was not there and Jensen was in a bad mood so maybe it had something to do with that.

Chicon 2016 he again invalidates Cas when a question is asked about him Cas and Mary.

TorCon 2016 where both Js are denying Cas's importance saying there's no necessity for him.

JaxCon 2017 he pretty much shoots down Destiel by saying Destiel doesn't exist.

In JaxCon 2018 he wrote NO infront of Bi Dean research paper a fan showed him.

Jibcon 2019 he asks audience Where does Destiel exist. but I think he was much like teasing the audience there tbh. No major harm but it still hurts.

I just.. I truly believe he knows what he and Misha were doing in the Destiel implied scenes. And now the cat is pretty much out of the bag. But still Jensen is pretty much staying on his ground and it is nice he is now more open for interpretation but the strength this fandom should have to forgive him for all he did...

I believe in Karma. I think Karma got to Jensen eventually for all hurt he did by those words to the fandom. I don't hate Jensen in fact I really adore the guy. But it doesn't mean I am not upset by his words. How I think Karma worked here is that he never embraced what he was portraying as a character and Karma finally said "Okay Dude enough foreplay.. You want pie okay here's pie and your car now die and be in heaven and your character arc is in garbage but your brother gets to live. There goes your male fantasy.."

I understand if he had internalized sexuality issues of himself that he didn't feel like exposing by talking about Dean and Destiel but still there are much better ways to shoot down fan opinions without being so rude.

In 2014 he pretty much says that at the end of the series Dean might get all kinds of pie with no Castiel and...Geez Is it not what exactly happened? No Cas and Pie on his face. Accidental foreshadowing spoilers..

I think he got Karma for hurting so many fan hearts and denying something he evidently portrayed in his character. At the end he didn't get a happy ending he got robbed by his own show. While the shippers actually got something out of it Thanks to Misha.

I don't need Jensen to embrace Destiel in an open hug because not in any universe that's gonna happen. I actually hoped he would eventually be open to it. He actually might be, considering his reaction to episode 18. But there's no proof actually footage of him saying anything positive about Destiel. It just... is such a bummer.

I know Jensen is hurt for his own reasons by his own show which actually hurt him in ways no fan ever did. I hope he understands how fans feel now being betrayed by a show they love.

May be he had the Karma coming..

In the past, Jensen hasn't been Destiel's biggest fan, and that's something that has always bothered me. Not because I didn't respect that he didn't like Destiel, but because every time Destiel was brought up, he was kind of rude. The same thing happened with anyone mentioned Dean being bi. It sucked and hurt because he could have handled it better. He could have easily said "I don't see Destiel/Dean as bi, but it's okay if you do". It's just that simple.

I don't know why Jensen was so rude about Destiel or bi!Dean. I don't know if it was of something personal or because certain fans were rude to him when they brought up Destiel and bi!Dean, or if he was scared that Dean would change if Destiel happened, because society and media think that anyone who belongs to the LGBTQIA+ community's personality is just their sexuality and gender and nothing else, so maybe Jensen was afraid that Dean would just become a character that was bi and that everything else that Dean was would disappear. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that he grew up in Texas, which isn't the most liberal place. It could be anything.

However, since they started filming s15 and when he found out about Cas' confesion, he has been really supportive about Destiel. He might not be as vocal and supportive as Misha is, but you can see the change. And that's important. Even at a JIBcon, (I can't remember which one), after he haid said something negative about Destiel the previous year, he apologized. He knows how important Destiel is for a lot of us. And he has learnt from his past behavior. Even if he doesn't fully support it, he now knows that it means a lot to a lot of people and he isn't rude about it anymore and he respects it.

Also, I should mention that in most cons, all the panels that involve either Jensen, Misha and/or J*red are moderated, and 90% of them forbid Destiel questions. So I don't know what the cons organizers tell the actors to say when Destiel is brought up, or if anyone from the network forbids them to talk about it, but unfortunately, Destiel has been considered a taboo topic by TPTB, and that might have also affected on the way Jensen reacted any time Destiel or bi!Dean was mentioned. Although I still think he should have handled it better, but at least, he now seems to be on good terms with the topics, and as I mentioned above, that's really important.

As for the Cas thing, about how both Jensen and J*red always joked how he didn't matter, it's a joke that's been going for too long, and that's all it is. They have taken it way too far, especially J*red, because most of the times, when Jensen is talking without J*red by his side, he always brings up Cas and how important he is. Just look at some of the interviews he has done over the years.

With that said, I think you're being mean about the whole karma thing. What the writers did to Dean was just the writers being shitty writers. They wrote a whole season with the only goal of killing Dean. After Dean has finally found the will to live, after he is finally able to live on his own terms, the writers decided that killing him was a good way to end the story. That's not karma; that's bad storytelling.

And just because Jensen didn't handle Destiel or bi!Dean in a good way, it doesn't mean that he deserved to have Dean treated like shit. And I think that what you're suggesting is actually quite mean.

Jensen might have made mistakes in the past regarding Destiel and bi!Dean, but he seems to have grown and realized that he can't be that rude. It's not hard at all to accept that people love Destiel and bi!Dean, even if he doesn't. And he has gotten there. So accept that and don't be mean.

[deans-baby-momma]

Once In A Lifetime

A/N: Well guys. I guess you can say I fell down a rabbit hole....DEEP down a rabbit hole. And I’m going to blame Walker. LOL I’ve always been a Jensen/Dean girl with Jared/Sam curiosity and after a dream I had a few nights ago, THIS happened.  Now the dream was only the first part of this story, meeting them in a restaurant but them, while writing it took on a life of it’s own and I am not sorry in the least. 

Summary: During your shift as a waitress as a restaurant in Austin, you are surprised to find two of your favorite celebrities in your section. How will that encounter cause you to have a once in a lifetime experience? 

W/C: 11,138 words ( I’m not the least bit sorry)

Y/N: Your Name; Y/E/E: Your employment establishment

Warnings: ogling, fantasies, smut, p in v, fingering, v on v, oral (both giving and receiving), fisting, anal play, cum play, dirty talk, slight breeding kink, squirting, daddy kink, mama kink

"Holy shit," I exclaim before clapping my palm over my mouth as there were three adorable children in the vicinity. "Sorry. My name is Y/N and I'll be your server today," I say as I try to calm down. Jared and Genevieve Padalecki were seated in my zone at Y/E/E. "Can I interest you in some appetizers or some coloring pages and crayons for the kids?"

I can't help but glance around at the five of them. They two boys sporting the longer locks like their dad and the little girl, all dolled up with her light brown hair flowing down over her shoulders. They were three of the six most adorable kids in the world; the other three being the Ackles kids but I had yet to see them in person, only on the computer.  

“We will take some buffalo cauliflower bites and some mozzarella cheese sticks with marinara,” the loveliest voice I’d ever heard spoke. I look toward Genevieve to see her smiling at me, her brown eyes sparkling. 

“And-” I pause to swallow. “-for drinks?”

“Whatever is on tap for Jared, I’ll take a sweet tea with lemon and the kids will have Sprite,” she tells me, the smile on her face unmoving. ‘God she’s gorgeous,’ I think to myself as I write down the orders. ‘Jared is one lucky son of a bitch.’

I grin as I tell them I will be right back with their drinks and head toward the server area. I throw my pad down on the counter and lean against it, my palms flat against the granite. How the fuck am I going to get through serving them? I have had a crush on Genevieve since I watched Wildfire a few years ago. And then when I caught an episode of Supernatural and got a glimpse of Jared, I was in lust, for both of them. 

And now I had to cater to and serve them while being professional and less of a crazy fan. Yea that isn’t going to happen. I know myself too well. I’m going to do or say something that will absolutely humiliate myself in front of the two celebrities I have adored for years. 

Thanks to some tactical breathing exercises while waiting on their food and an internal pep talk, I got through serving the Padalecki family and when they asked for the bill I was a bit saddened that their visit was coming to an end. I knew I’d probably never see them again.

As I printed out their receipt I lamented the fact that the one time I met anyone famous it was at work and I couldn’t ask for an autograph or photo with them. I smiled as I gave them the sales slip and walked away. 

From my post behind the server’s desk I watched as the five of them got up and walked toward the door. Genevieve looked my way and smiled and waved as they left. I returned the gesture and giggled. 

After making sure the coast was clear, I approached their table to collect the payment and take it to the register. What I wasn’t expecting with the cash, was a handwritten note with a phone number on it. 

‘Y/N your service was magnificent. Here’s a little tip for you and a bigger one awaits, if you are interested. (xxx)xxx-xxxx. ~Gen’

Did she really expect me to call her? Was this even her real number? What kind of tip is she referring to anyway? I look at the money in my hand to see that they have paid almost $50 more than their bill! What bigger tip than that could it be?!

I waited until my shift was over and I was in the comfort of my own vehicle before I pulled the piece of paper with the number out of my apron.

Opening the text app with shaky fingers, I typed out the response I had thought of all evening.

Hey. Is this Genevieve Padalecki? It's Y/N from Y/E/E. I was your waitress earlier. 

Almost immediately my phone pings and I see that whomever I texted had responded.

Hey Y/N. Yes, it's me. Glad to see you found my note.

Yea, I did. What I can't figure out is why you left it. Did I do something wrong?

Oh sweetie no! You were the perfect hostess. Sweet, friendly, easy on the eyes ;)

Whoa, was this married woman flirting with me? This famous married woman who had an attractive, sexy, famous as well husband. 

Uh, thanks. 

You caught not only my eye but Jare's as well. We'd like to get to know you better.  Have you already gotten off? From work, I mean. Ha!

Ok, if that isn't flirting then I don't know what is. That was definitely an innuendo, right?

Yes. I'm sitting in my car.

Wanna come over? The kids are in bed. Us adults can talk without interruptions. 

Uh, okay. I'm gonna kinda need your address. I might be a fan but I'm not that kind of fan.

Gen sends me her address, along with the code to get into the gate. I realize they live in the gated community about 45 minutes away. 

I look in the rearview and notice my hair is frizzy and half of it has fallen out of the ponytail it was in. I really didn't want to show up on their doorstep looking like a charity case but then again was I going to pass up the opportunity to get to know two of my favorite celebrities?

If you aren't interested we completely understand.

Gen's message breaks me out of my reverie and I look at it, deciding what the hell.

On my way now. 

We can't wait to see you again Y/N!

I place my phone in the cupholder and start the car up, still in shock that I'm headed to the personal home of Jared and Genevieve Padalecki. 

What universe am I in?!

I get to their house and Genevieve meets me at the door.

"Hey Y/N," she greets me with a smile. "Did you have any trouble getting in the gate?"

"No, it opened right up as soon as I punched in the code." 

Gen is dressed down for the evening. Well, as dressed down as I'm sure famous rich people can  be. She is wearing velour sweat shorts, probably some name brand designer and her t-shirt has the Family Business Brewery logo and name printed on it. 

And here I look like a slob who can't care for herself. I so do not belong here.

"Come on in," Genevieve continues as she opens the door wide. "Jared is in the kitchen making us ladies some drinks."

"Uh, I don't know. I mean, I still have to drive home later."

"Or you could stay," she says as she takes my hand and stands right in front of me. Genevieve is just a couple inches taller than I am so we are practically face to face. 

"Oh."

That's all I can say. It is glaringly obvious now what this visit is. And if I said I wasn't down for it I'd be lying!

Gen smiles as she takes her free hand and reaches behind me, pulling the tie from my hair. I feel the weight of it fall to my shoulders. 

"That's better," she says then turns and pulls me further into the house.

We get to the kitchen and Jared is standing there, dressed down also in a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. I can't stop myself as my eyes run down the length of his body.

The t-shirt doesn't do much to hide the breath of his shoulders or the bulk of his pecs,  the arms of the fabric stretched tight over his biceps. As my eyes wander lower, I realize that all the rumors I'd heard about the heft and length of his 'conda were not exaggerated as I can definitely see the outline of it behind the silky material of his shorts.  But what really draws my attention is the definition of his calf muscles; even relaxed they distend from his legs, the skin taut over them.

"Hey. You made it," his voice brings my attention back to his face. "I'm Jared."

"I know," I say sincerely, internally wincing at how nervous I sound. I smile to hide the uneasiness.

"Yea, I kinda figured that out at Y/E/E by your reaction," he chuckles as he hands a glass to his wife.  "Gen wanted a margarita but we have some craft beer in the fridge if that is more your taste. It's really good. Our friends, Jensen and Dee, own a brewery."

"Family Business," I state with a nod. "I've wanted to go check it out but haven't had a chance,  yet."

"Well, maybe we can get you a private tour sometime," he tells me with a wink. "Now, name your poison."

I settle for a Cosmic Cowboy, Jared grabs a Grackle for himself and the three of us make our way to the living room.

Their house is magnificent. There are logs, de-barked, as beams across the ceiling and even the staircase is made of the same type of wood. I'd seen it in a family picture on the internet but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be inside this home to appreciate the beauty of it.

The Padalecki's and I talk for what seems like hours. We all seem to have so much in common. Eventually I had traded the beer for one of Jared's famous margaritas,  thanks to Gen's suggestion and before I knew it I was on my third one and not feeling any pain.

A smile was glued to my face and I couldn't stop giggling. I was drinking with Jared and Genevieve Padalecki! Who would have ever thought that.

Jared takes the almost empty glass from my hand and laughs at the pout I give him.

"Ok lush," he says with his own deep giggle. "If you get too drunk we can't talk about what we invited you here for."

In my inebriated state, I say words I never in a million years thought I would ever utter. "You want to fuck me."

Jared looks surprised and glances at Genevieve, which causes me to look at her as I realize what I just said.

Can you go from intoxicated to sober in less than 5 seconds? Because I just did!

"Oh my god!" I exclaim. "I'm so sorry. I have no filter when I've been drinking."

I start to fidget and prepare to be thrown out of their house. I am taken aback when Gen smiles and says, "Yes we do."

There is a trail of clothing from the top of the staircase down the hall to where we are now. My body is being held up against the wall as Jared devours my mouth, Gen's lips on my neck and shoulder.

"You are so fucking sexy," she whispers and I whimper into her husband's mouth. "You caught my eye as soon as we walked into Y/E/E this evening. I knew I wanted you and Jared agreed."

"Let's take this into the bedroom," Jared murmurs against my lips and hoists me up by the back of my thighs, urging me to wrap my legs around his waist.

He carries me into the room with Genevieve following closely behind. He lays me back on the bed and hovers over me, his body pressed tightly to mine. I can feel his erection digging into my lower stomach.

"Jared," Gen calls in a sultry, seductive voice. "Share."

Jared pushes up off of me and Gen steps between my open knees. "Let's get these panties off of you," she says and I notice that she has already removed hers plus her bra and is standing at the edge of the bed in all her naked glory.

To say Genevieve Padalecki was beautiful would be an understatement but her nude? Well it just amped up the sexiness by a bajillion. She has no hair on her pussy, shaved (or waxed) clean. Her tits are perfect handfuls with pretty little rosy pink nipples that are erect and hardened. 

She has pulled her soft brown hair up into a makeshift bun and I watch as she reaches forward, her dainty fingers curling into the hem of my plain panties. Thank god I took the time before work to landscape!

She gasps as my equally shaven cunt is exposed as she pulls the garment down my legs and off my feet. 

"Such a pretty little pussy huh Jared?"

Jared comes back into my line of vision and he smiles at me before his eyes trail down to look at my bare body.

"So pretty," he says breathlessly as his hands come up and around his wife, his big hands covering her tits. "Bet it tastes so good. You gonna let Gen eat you out Y/N? Let her taste that sweet box."

I nod and he tsks. "Words Y/N. Use your words little kitten."

I swallow audibly and speak. "Yes. I want Gen to eat my pussy."

Gen smiles as she turns her head and kisses Jared passionately. After a few seconds though he pulls away, and pushes her closer to me. "Get to licking, baby while I open you up."

Gen bends down and I feel her hands on the inside of my thighs close to my center. The first touch of her tongue against my folds has me moaning like a porn star. She doesn't even breach my slit, just licks up the middle and then sucks on my outer lips.  

She moans and I look to see Jared has disappeared, on his knees behind her eating her out as she does the same to me. I can already feel the coil deep inside constricting. This is the most erotic sexual experience I have ever or will ever have!

When Gen does finally lick me open,  she immediately wraps her lips around my clit suckling and flicking the tip with her soft tongue. I feel a finger stroking around my entrance before it enters me. 

"Mmmmm," Gen moans and I open my eyes that I didn't even realize were closed. Jared is back in my line of sight, looking down as he notches his cock at her entrance.

He then places his hands on her hips and drives himself forward, burying inside his wife. Gen moans against my skin and I feel that coil tightening. I don't want to cum just yet so I brace against it, holding my release back.

With Jared's deep hard thrusts Gen's body bounces forward pushing her face closer into my pussy. She trades her finger inside me with her tongue and her thumb is rubbing circles around my clit as she licks my fluttering walls. 

My orgasm is bearing down and I'm beginning to fear I won't be able to hold it back.  

Jared is grunting and groaning behind her,  his eyes fixate on his wife's task of fingering me and licking my clit and labia. 

There is so much pressure between my legs I have to bite my lip to contain the scream that is begging to be released.

"Holy fuck!" Gen exclaims, pulling my attention to her. "Look babe. I have my whole hand inside her."

Jared's eyes travel to the spot and they widen as they take in the view. "Fuck! That is so goddamned hot."

Gen begins a soft thrust with her arm, twisting her wrist and letting her fingers hit my sweet spot. I see stars as I yell out. "I'm gonna cum!"

"Go on Y/N. Cum all over Gen. She wants it."

I let go and the pressure lessens as I feel my walls constrict and liquid squirts out around Gen's hand.

"God that was hot!" They both exclaim simultaneously and laugh.  Gen bends down and begins licking and suckling at my cunt as Jared continues his hard pace.

He slaps her ass twice and then stills,  groaning as I'm sure he is shooting his load inside her. Gen places her forehead on my inner thigh, catching her breath as Jared pulls out and looks down with a smile. 

"Baby you are leaking so much cum it's dripping on the floor."

When Gen moves out of the way, I get my first look at Jared's massive dick. And when I say massive,  I mean massive.  Not only is it ginormous in length but the girth is unbelievable.  How does he keep something that size hidden so well?

His hand is around the still-hard member and he looks at me as he fists up and down. "You ready?"

"Yes," I tell him confidently although inside I am not.

Gen has left the room, gone into their ensuite to clean up I'm sure. "Should we wait?" I ask hesitantly. 

"Nah, she knows I plan to fuck your brains out. She'll rejoin shortly."

“Okay,” I say with a nod and watch as Jared climbs onto the bed, walking on his knees to place himself between my legs. He is still fisting his cock, the mixture of his and his wife’s release lubricating the movement. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks tentatively and I look up at him. He has one palm on the mattress beside my head and is hovering over me, but not touching.

I nod and then with a quirk of his eyebrow I remember his request, to use words. “Yes. Please kiss me Jared.”

Jared leans down and brushes his lips against mine softly but firmly. When his tongue touches the seam of my mouth, I open for him allowing him to lick into me. The kiss quickly becomes deeper, more passionate. My hands automatically reach up and my fingers entwine in the long locks on his head, pulling him closer.

Losing his balance, Jared falls on top of me, his hand that was holding him up, cupping the side of my face as we both get lost in the kiss. I can feel his moist, damp dick on my stomach and it causes me to writhe. God, I so desperately want that monster inside me!

The bed dips with Gen’s return and her hands run over the part of my skin that is visible under Jared’s large form. 

“You two look so fucking hot together,” she whispers as she kisses along my neck. “Y/N, you going to let Jared fuck you? Feel that big dick of his filling up that perfect little pussy?”

I can’t answer her because Jared is still kissing me senseless so I whimper and dig my fingers into his scalp. Her words are music to my ears, the assurance and suggestion  of what all he is planning to do to me all the encouragement I need. She is okay with me fucking Jared; she is actually urging it. I pull away, opening my eyes to see his hazel ones, lidded and filled with lust. 

“Fuck me Jared,” I say and he smiles as he lifts himself and grabs his dick, notching it at my entrance. 

“Ready baby?”

I nod and smile before saying, “More than ready.”

The stretch of my walls around his dick is a pleasured pain. It feels so good as he keeps sliding deeper in until it feels as if his tip is going to puncture through my cervix. I look down between us to see that he is to the root inside me and it makes me wetter, if that’s even possible. 

Gen pinches my chin between her thumb and fingers and turns my head to look at her. “Y/N, Jared is going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I answer breathlessly. 

Gen claims my lips with her own as Jared slowly and torturously pulls out until just the head of his dick is inside me. I feel his hands grip my hips and then he plunges into me in one swift movement. I can’t help but cry into her mouth as he sits the same fast hard pace as he had with her, his dick stretching my pussy and digging in deep.

I pull away from Gen’s mouth to yell. “HOLY SHIT! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!”

“Yea, you like that don’t ya?” Jared pants as he keeps thrusting into my willing body. “You like being impaled on my big dick huh?”

“Yes! Yes! YES!”

Gen reaches between us and uses her fingertip to rub circles on my clit, making that coil deep inside me tighten. I am going to be cumming any minute now, I know it. I can’t hold it back even if I tried.

“You going to let Jared fill you up. Pump you full of his cum until you’re leaking like I was? Yea, you are, aren’t you? You want to feel him throbbing and shooting his load into your womb.”

Her words make my eyes roll into the back of my head and I scream as I feel my climax bearing down. Without any more prompting from either of them, I once again feel that pressure from earlier and before I know it I am squirting out around Jared’s dick, my release splashing against his thighs.

“Fuck!” he exclaims as he ramps up his efforts and suddenly I feel the warmth of his cum and the throb of his length as he empties inside me, his grunts and groans barely heard over the blood pumping through my ears. 

Jared claims my mouth again, his cock still buried deep in my pussy as it softens. 

I just fucked this man while his wife watched, after having her way with me. Whose life is this?!

My eyes slowly open as I come to consciousness. I am hot, sweaty and uncomfortable and the need to pee is overwhelming. I go to roll over but am met with resistance, from both behind and in front of me.  What the hell?

I fully open my eyes and take in the view. That is not my ceiling and this is not my bed. My mattress has never been this soft, even when it was new.  I look down and see the ivory sheets and the maroon comforter and it all comes back to me. 

I fucked Jared AND Genevieve Padalecki! I am in their bed, in their house snuggled up between them.  I had sex with a married couple; not once, not twice but three times they fucked the daylights out of me. And I enjoyed every second of it.

I squirm as I feel something moving inside me, slowly making its way out of my body and sigh when I feel a clump of Jared’s cum slide out and down my ass, landing on the sheet under me. God, he cummed so hard and so much last night, filling both me and Gen up. 

And as good as it felt, it tasted even better. Especially out of Gen’s pussy. I had licked it right up as it poured out of her hole and onto my lips and tongue and she reciprocated before we teamed up and took turns swallowing him down, his palms cupping the back of our heads as we knelt in front of him, licking and sucking his cock.

My bladder takes me out of my reminiscence as the urge to piss becomes palpable and I wiggle and shift until I am out from under Jared’s arm and go to crawl over Gen’s sleeping form, unintentionally waking her.

“Hey sweetie. Where are you going?” she asks sleepily and the torpor in her voice is sexy and sensuous. 

“I gotta pee,” I tell her and she smiles before lifting her head to kiss me. 

“Ok baby. Hurry back.”

I walk into the ensuite and quickly sit on the toilet to do my business, still reeling from the events of last night. How the hell did I end up here? And how am I going to recover from having my dreams come true? How am I supposed to go back to my normal, boring existence after such an experience?

As I finish up and wash my hands, I decide that I’m going to leave while the leaving is good. What if they regret it? What if it wasn’t what they expected? What if I was just a first choice when they decided to have a threesome? Too many what if’s and not enough answers for my taste.

I tiptoe back into their room and grab my panties from the floor, pulling them on when I realize the rest of my clothing is thrown throughout the hallway. Shit! If the kids were up and strolling around the house they would see the waitress from the restaurant in their house half naked. 

“Y/N?” Gen’s voice causes me to turn my head to see her up on one elbow looking at me confused. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Y-yea. I think that would be best, don’t you?”

“Hell no. Get your perky little ass back in the bed,” she said authoritatively. “And take off those panties. I want to be able to touch you and caress you.”

I do as she says and she scoots closer to her husband as she pats the mattress in front of her. I climb in beside her and she promptly pulls me to her, her hand cupping my sex as she kisses along my ear. She whispers, “I’m never going to get tired of this pretty little pussy,” as she begins drawing circles on my clit and running her fingers down my folds. "Could eat it everyday and never get enough.”

I whimper at her words and she smiles against my skin. “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Me eating you out everyday, fucking you with my tongue, my fingers, my fist. Shit, I’m getting wet just thinking about it.” 

Her fingers tease my opening before two of them slide inside, curling up to hit that sweet spot. My back arches off the bed as I moan. “Yea, you like that don’t you. You like me fingering you.” She scissors her digits open and closed as we both groan at the slick that has accumulated. 

“Cum baby,” she urges. “Come on Mama’s hand.”

My climax comes out of nowhere as Gen sits up, propping her body with her free hand as he other works me furiously through my release. I watch her with bated breath as she removes her hand and licks her fingers clean. “Mmm, tasty.”

When she is done, she leans down and kisses me, her tongue prodding into my open lips, letting me taste the sweetness of my tang on it. I run my fingers through her hair, fisting them. 

“Jesus, what a sight to wake up to,” we hear Jared’s groggy voice and pull apart, looking at him. His hazel eyes are sparkling and there is a smug grin on his lips. “I could get used to this.”  Gen turns and kisses him just as passionately as we had just kissed and I hear Jared groan, knowing he is tasting the remnants of my release. 

Ok, so maybe this wasn’t something they regretted. This was what they both wanted and still want and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it too. Maybe I had been the first opportunity they’d come across when they decided to have a threesome but I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I would gladly take whatever they wanted to give. 

And from the sounds and sights coming from the bed beside me, I was about to have another out of this world sexual escapade with two of the hottest people on the planet. 

I’m sitting in the kitchen at the bar in my panties and a t-shirt Gen gave me drinking a cup of coffee and watching Jared move about the kitchen, cooking eggs and making toast.

A pair of slender arms wrap around me from behind, startling me. “Morning baby,” Gen purrs as she kisses my shoulder.

I tense up afraid of getting caught if one of their kids walk in. “Uh, where’re the kids?”

“It’s Wednesday. They always have a playdate with the Ackles kids on Wednesday,” Gen says as she comes around and sits beside me. “We’re good. Francine took them over and will bring them back this afternoon.”

“Oh. Okay,” I say hesitantly. I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about being found out but I’m also nervous because the three of us are alone in the house. What exactly did they have planned? 

“It’s okay sweetheart,” Jared says as he sits two plates of eggs, toast and jam in front of his wife and myself. “We all need to talk anyway. And the kids do not need to hear what we have to discuss.”

Well, there goes my good feeling down the drain. Now is when they are going to drop the bomb; tell me that it was all fun and games but they’ve satisfied their curiosity and I’m on my own. God, how can I be so dumb. What made me think that two celebrities would want me to stick around?

I push the food around on my plate as I try to come up with a way to take the blow and leave with my head held high.

“Jared Tristan,” Gen admonishes. “Look what you’ve done. You went and made her feel bad. Honey,” she says as she places a hand on mine. “It’s not bad; what we want to talk about. I promise.” She leans over and places a chaste kiss to my lips. “Now eat up so we can get to it. I think you might need your energy if I’m reading this situation correctly.”

I try my best to eat as much of the food as I can with my stomach still in knots and my anxiety level through the roof. Gen clears her plate and then looks at me, silently asking if I’m finished. I nod and clear my throat. “Yes, thank you.”  

Jared grabs my hand and pulls me off the stool, dragging me toward the living room once again. Last night, this is the same exact place that they propositioned me and invited me into their bed. Now, here we are again, apparently discussing something new.

I wait with bated breath as Gen makes her way into the room, carrying her and my coffee cups, sitting mine on the table in front of me.

“First off,” she begins as she turns to look at me, one leg under her bottom. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Wh-what?” I ask in shock. Was she actually asking if I enjoyed having sex with them?

“Did you have a good time? With us?”

“Duh,” I answer cringing at my snarkiness. “Yes, I enjoyed it and I had an amazing time. And I understand if this was a one-off; something you wanted out of your systems. I get it. And I promise not to speak a word of it to anyone.”

Jared chuckles and Gen throws her head back, laughing. “Oh honey. I don’t care about that. Hell, scream it from the rooftops for all I care. We want to know if you’d like to continue.”

To say I am floored is an understatement. They are actually asking if I want to keep having sex with them? Have I died and gone to Heaven?

“Really?” I gasp. I never in a million years would have ever thought this was what we needed to discuss.

“Yes, really,” Jared tells me from the armchair. “We understand if it is too much. We, uh-” he pauses to rub the back of his neck and chuckle. “-got a little enthusiastic last night. It’s usually not that acrobatic. But yea, we want to know if you want to keep this going.”

I nod as my brows furrow and I look down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of Gen’s shirt. How can I answer without sounding too enthusiastic or overly eager?

“Sweetie?” Gen asks, leaning down to look into my eyes. “Are you okay? Is it too much?” 

The worry in her voice is what gets me. Is she actually afraid I am going to turn them down? But I have to know something first.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why me? I mean, was I just the first girl you came across once you decided to have a threesome?”

Gen and Jared both chuckle. “No baby,” Gen assures me. “This isn’t our first time doing this. We’ve had threesomes before. We, uh- should we tell her Jare?”

“She’ll find out eventually,” he answers his wife. “Go on.”

“We had a relationship with Jared’s co-star Jensen for a few months. It went really well but then we decided to end it, amicably before we all got married. He was dating Danneel but she was living in LA while he was up in Vancouver with us. And well, we fucked. Not Jare and Jen, they just uh, shared me. Although they did get close to kissing once in a competition to see who could get me off first by eating me out simultaneously.” She ends with a laugh and I look over to see Jared blushing.

“Now, that...that cannot and should not be repeated,” he says, clearing his throat. “We just got too close and our tongues touched that’s all.” He explained my unanswered inquiry.

“So, this isn’t your first time having a threesome with another guy?” I ask. “But is it a first with another girl?”

“Yes,” they both answer resolutely. “You are our first female conquest.” Gen finishes before she laces her fingers with mine. “When I saw you yesterday at Y/E/E, I liked you immediately. Even though I could tell you knew who we were you kept it professional and when I asked Jared what he thought about you, I could tell by the way he looked at you he wanted you. We both did. That’s why I left my number. Figured it’d be safer to leave mine than his in case someone else found the note.”

“It’s in my car,” I smiled at her. “I wasn’t about to throw it away.”

“See, you knew. You might have not realized you knew, but you knew me leaving you my number was a big risk.”

“So?” Jared asks as both Gen and I turn to look at him. “Is this something you can see continuing?”

“Absolutely!” I answer confidently and certain. “I will be the third wheel for you guys.”

“Oh honey, in this relationship, we are all equals,” Gen says as she smoothes her hand over my hair. “Now, let’s talk about the rules.”

The 'rules' as I soon discover aren't really rules at all. Mostly we discuss what kind of things are turn-ons and what are turn-offs. 

I find out that Gen loves oral, receiving and giving,  whether it be male or female. She requests to be called Mama in the bedroom and is unopposed to anal play.

Jared's turn-ons include oral as well, he loves to maintain dominance over his lovers and inquired as to whether I am opposed to that aspect. I tell him an unwaveringly no. I will submit and comply with his control. 

When asked what I prefer, I shrug my shoulders. I'd never given it much thought. Sure, I'd had partners before; I wasn't a virgin by any means but to actually sit and think and come up with stuff I liked and didn't like was new to me. 

"Okay," Gen says, aware of my discomfort. "Well, we know you like oral, both giving and receiving it. And you like fucking, we are very well aware of that." She continues with a smile. "Are there any positions you're more fond of than others?"

"Uh, I like doggy style," I say, feeling my cheeks heat up. Good god, I've had sex with these people and I'm getting embarrassed!

"Hey now. None of that," Gen coos. "This is a judgment free zone."

I nod, feeling more confident. "I like it when, uh...when you pulled my hair while I was eating you out. And," I turn to look at Jared. "I liked when you spanked her while fucking into her. That was hot, but not like you know,  hard or a lot of smacks but...yea."

He smiles at me and nods. "Good to know kitten."

"Anything else?" Gen presses.

"Uh, nothing I can think of right now. No, but permission to revisit this if I do think of something?"

"Of course sweetie."

"One last thing," Jared announces and I turn to look at him. "Move in with us?"

When the kids come in later with their nanny, they stop in their tracks when they see me sitting on the couch with their parents, platonically of course.

The two older ones, Tom and Shep,  recognize me and ask their mom why the lady from the restaurant is here while the little girl, Odette, climbs onto Jared's lap and burrows into his chest, peeking out and glancing at me.

"This is our friend. Her name is Y/N and she's going to be staying with us," Gen eases the information to the boys. 

The middle child, Shep, is the first one to speak. "Does she like dinosaurs?"

Gen looks at me with joy and laughter in her eyes. I smile and tell Shep, "Dinosaurs are magnificent! My favorite is the pterodactyl.  What's yours?"

The discussion between the boys and I quickly turns to which dinosaur would win if they were all in a battle to which dinosaur could survive if they were to come back alive and be in the world as it is today.

Odette finally warms up and makes her way to my side,  telling me that Mommy dinosaurs have to wear makeup while Daddy dinosaurs go to work.

I had been terrified of how the kids would accept the fact that I was going to be living with them but I had nothing to worry about. 

Kids are resilient though. They can adapt and adjust to just about anything. The three Padalecki kids have no problem knowing there is a new person living in their home but I also know the real talk is going to come after dinner and after Francine leaves for the evening.

Gen and I work together that night, getting the dinner dishes cleaned off and stacked in the dishwasher. Every so often, Gen would glance around and then pull me into a kiss, keeping it mostly innocent and chaste. The only thing not innocent is when her hands would roam and grab a boob or my ass or one time she ran her hand down my crotch, pressing on my clit. 

Once the kitchen is cleared, the two of us join Jared and the kids in their playroom where we decide to tell them what is actually going on.

Tom and Shep were sitting on the floor playing with toy cars, making engine noises while Odette sat on her dad's lap, coloring. 

"Guys," Gen speaks, getting the boys' attention. "Can you come over here for a moment. Family meeting."

Tom and Shep get up and walk to the table and stand, looking between the three adults in the room.

"Okay, you know how we have taught you all that honesty is always best? And that lying will only get you into more trouble?"

"Yes ma'am," they say in unison.

"Okay. Well your dad and I are going to be honest with you. Y/N is not only our friend, she is our girlfriend. We like her like we like each other; like Unkie Jensen likes Auntie D. And she likes us.

"You will see us-both of us- hug Y/N and kiss her just like we do each other. If you have a bad dream at night and come to our room she is going to be in bed with us. But we will always, always make room for you.  You three are our littlest loves and there isn't anything in this world we wouldn't do for you.

"Also, Y/N is the boss as much as your dad and I are so whatever she says goes. If she tells you it's time for bed you don't try to haggle your way out of it. If she tells you you've had enough candy, you listen. She is the adult, you are not. You understand?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Okay. Do you have any questions?"

They shake their heads no and Gen smiles as she reaches out to ruffle Shep's hair and then Tom's.

"You can go play for another hour and then it's time for baths and bed."

The boys go back to their spots and continue their game.

"Well that went better than I was expecting," I say with a laugh.

"Our boys are smart," Jared says with an air of pride. 

Odette looks up at him with a scoff, which causes both Gen and I to laugh.

"You're smart too lil O," he tells her before placing a kiss on her temple. 

When it's time for baths, Tom asks that I help him so I follow him to his room where he picks out a set of pajamas and underwear. We walk down the hall to the bath and he undresses as I begin filling the tub.

"Y/N?" Tom says as he washes his hair. 

"Yea?"

"Do you love us?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even. This was not a question I was expecting from a 7 year old.

"Mommy said that you like them like they like each other. And I know mommy and daddy love each other and they love us just like Unkie Jen loves Auntie D and JJ and Arry and Zeppy. So do you love us too?"

I'm not sure how to answer his inquiry. Do I love him and his siblings? Sure, what's not to love about three of the best behaved kids I have ever encountered. 

They took their Mom's news in stride, like it was no big deal that both their parents had a girlfriend, like it was normal.

"Yes, Tom. I love you and Shep and lil O. How could I not? You three are awesome," I laugh trying to break the tension. "Plus we can talk about dinosaurs without people giving us weird looks."

"Do you love Mommy and Daddy too?"

Well, there it is. The one question I was hoping to avoid because I didn't have an answer.  I don't know the answer.

Do I love Jared and Genevieve? I know I've lusted after them both for years and the three of us have had the most remarkable, memorable sex of my existence, but love? Wasn't it too soon?

"I think it is time to finish your bath before you turn wrinkly like a raisin," I tell him instead. 

It is only a few weeks later that those three words are shared between us. 

As we are readying for bed, Gen and I doing a skincare routine in front of the bathroom mirror Jared waltz in and lifts the toilet seat, not caring to relieve himself while we are in the room.

After he finishes and he rights himself, he wiggles between us to wash his hands. We both laugh at his antics and while drying his hands he kisses Gen,  telling her he loves her  and then turns to kiss me.

"I love you too," he whispers against my lips and my eyes widen at his proclamation.

The whole world stills, the Earth quits spinning and the air stops flowing as he presses his lips to mine again.

"Y/N?" Gen calls to me and everything begins moving again. "Are you okay sweetie?"

"Uh." That's the only thing I can utter. Jared just told me he loves me.  He just dropped those three precious words like it was nothing. 

"Do you not love me? Us?" Jared asks as he pulls away and looks down at me. 

My eyes well up with tears and I can't stop my body shaking if I wanted to. 

"Yes," I answer with a laugh. "I love you so much!"

Jared wraps me up in a kiss again, deepening it as he bends me backwards.  We pull away with smiles.  

"I love you. I love you. I love you," I say repeatedly.

"I love you Y/N," Gen proclaims as she pulls me into a hug before kissing me senseless.

That night we don't fuck. The three of us make love to one another, proclaiming our love and devotion to one another over and over until we each find our climaxes together, as one. 

On Friday we decide it is time to visit the Family Business Brewery to stock up on some more beer since the supply at home is getting low.

I'm nervous as hell as today I get to meet Jared and Gen's best friends and former lover. Jensen and Daneel and the kids have been away, up in the north visiting family and now they are back and the plan is to hang out at FBB to let the kids play on their playground. 

The Ackles know that Jared and Gen have someone they want them to meet but as I find out on the way there,  they have no idea just what I am to the Padalecki's. They just think it's a new friend.

As we pull up, the parking lot is half-full with vehicles and people milling about ready to go inside and sample some the craft beer that is brewed onsite.

I look toward the building and immediately can make out Jensen's silhouette. Probably because of the crowd that has amassed around him. Being one of the main characters on the country's hit sci-fi show and part owner of this place drew a bigger crowd to the brewery than the alcohol did apparently. 

I notice that over half of the guests have some type of Supernatural paraphernalia,  be it a t-shirt, a purse, or just a photo or something they hoped to get autographed.

The crowd finally disperses and Jensen finally makes his way to us, a smile on his face and a beer glass in his hand. 

"Hey guys. Glad you could make it. Dee is inside helping Gino run the bar since we are down a person," he explains and then his eyes narrow in on me. "Hello. I'm Jensen."

"Y/N," I say with a nod.

"Jay, this is our girlfriend." Gen tells him and I watch for his reaction. He is one hell of an actor because other than a quick widening of his green eyes, he fixes his face into one of nonchalance. 

"So, you're still…..doing that?" he asks lowly before taking a drink of his beer.

"We hadn't for a while," Jared speaks up. "Since you but yea, we now share a girlfriend."

"Nice," Jensen smiles but I can tell it's not a happy-for-you one; it's more forced, more strained.

Daneel finally comes out to join us and Gen introduces me much the same way she announced me to Jensen. 

"Oh wow!" Daneel exclaims.  "I, uh, didn't know you two were into that sort of thing."

So apparently she had no idea that a few years ago, Jensen had been in my position.  Good to know as now I can be  more aware of what to say and what to keep to myself.

The day is nice in the grove where the brewery is located. The heat from the sun is abated by the gentle breeze that flows through the trees. 

Jared and Jensen, and sometimes Gen get pulled away a few times by excited fans asking for pictures of just to chat, leaving Daneel and I watching the kids.

I can tell she is dying to ask questions so once there is no one close by, I turn to her and tell her. "You can ask."

"Oh thank god! It's been killing me. How does it work? Do you all sleep together? Have sex together?"

I smile at her questions. And with living with the Padalecki's I have come to also believe the truth is better than lying philosophy.

"We love one another and we work together raising the three most amazing kids I've ever met. Well, until now; the Ackles kids are pretty fantastic." I pause to smile at her. "Yes, we share a bed each night. Sometimes I'm in the middle, sometimes Gen. It just depends on who needs the assurance and safety net the most. 

"And yes we have sex together. As with the sleeping arrangement, we take turns on who is between the other two. Sometimes Jared fucks Gen while she eats me out and sometimes I eat her out while being whaled on by the big moose."

Daneel throws her hands up and shakes her head. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry I asked. That was a visual I did not need. And now it's stuck in my head."

She storms off and I can't help but laugh at her reaction. I mean, she asked after all. I just hope I didn't ruin her friendship with my lovers. 

Later that night, when I tell Jared and Gen about it they laugh and assure me that it's nothing Daneel won't get over; that she just probably will never ask me anything ever again. 

Over the next few months, I learn just how close the Padalecki's and the Ackles' are as we tend to spend every holiday together and attend each other's kid's birthday parties.

Daneel continues to be cordial to me but doesn't inquire any further into my relationship with Gen and Jared. 

That may also be because after paparazzi got a photo of Gen and I at the store holding hands and ran with the story that Gen and Jared were obviously on the splits, the three of us sat down to an interview with People magazine and told the world that the Padalecki's marriage and relationship was still going strong and made it known that they were also in a relationship with me.

After that, the buzz of it all settled down and everything went back to semi-normal. There would be some gossip on the internet about us or we'd received unmarked mail containing threats of damnation but, with the help of my girlfriend and boyfriend, I learned to let it all slide.

People would always have their opinions. I just had to get used to them being different than my own. The world wasn't going to stop turning just because I was in a relationship with a married couple. 

A year to the day that Jared and Gen had entered my life when they visited Y/E/E found us all in the kitchen; Jared and Gen sitting at the counter while I cooked us an anniversary dinner.

"Can you believe it's been a year?" Gen says as I pull the roasted chicken from the oven. "One year since we decided to go out to eat and run into the most beautiful human we've ever seen."

"A year since you left your number on a piece of paper before we left and waited patiently for her to call," Jared continues. "One whole year of the most magnificent mind-blowing sex of my life!"

"A year since I thought you leaving your number was a prank or a mistake but texted it anyway. A year of….hell, the best year of my existence, " I tell them as I plate up the chicken, pasta and asparagus before turning and placing their plates in front of them.

"I love you both so much."

"We love you equally," Gen says before we set about eating the dinner I cooked. 

The kids were staying over at the Ackles' so we had the house to ourselves.

Jared cleared the kitchen after dinner and dessert while Gen and I went up to the bedroom to get ready in our matching lingerie that we purchased special for the occasion. 

"Jared is going to flip when he sees us," Gen says as she comes up behind me in the mirror. "Fuck, are we lucky. Sweetie you are absolutely gorgeous.  I can't wait to pull this off of you," she says kisses my shoulder, grazing her teeth across my skin. "With my teeth."

I shudder at the thought and reach back tangling my hand in her hair, kissing her passionately. 

"Same goes for you darling," I tell her as we hear Jared coming up the stairs.

Gen and I rush to get on the bed, laying back in nothing but lace and silk waiting for Jared to enter the bedroom.

"Fuck. Me!" he exclaims as he walks in and sees us. "God damn, baby girls, you're going to give this ole man a heart attack," he says, removing his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. 

As we both promised, we put a show on for Jared; disrobing one another with nothing but our teeth and lips. 

Gen finally squirts after I bury my face in her sweet cunt, licking all around with my fingers knuckle deep inside her. Her breathing is labored as I pull away, leaving my fingers wiggling inside and turn my head to kiss Jared.

He groans as the tang of her juices mixed with my taste floods his mouth and I begin fingering Gen again, feeling her walls fluttering and quivering around them. 

"You like that Mama?" I ask as I pull away from my boyfriend. "You want more? I can recreate our first night."

"Fuck yes!" Gen screams. "Fist me baby."

I curl my fingers down and work my closed fist into her sopping wet pussy easily, twisting my wrist as she writhes above me. I lean down and suck her clit between my lips, flicking the nub with my tongue. 

"Shit! I'm going to cum again," she pants and I take my fingers and press against her sweet spot. Her thighs clamp around my head as she climaxes. 

Jared walks around behind me and I feel the swath of his tongue lick from my clit to my entrance and up to my ass. It isn't the first time he's ate me like that and it is erotic and obscene and I love it.

When Jared's tip notches at my opening, I wiggle my hips and he slaps his palm down on my asscheek. I moan as I lay my forehead against Gen's leg. Jared spanks me once more before he slams into me, burying his whole length in one thrust. 

"Oh fuck! Yes!" I yell out as he begins a pounding pace. His hands gripping my hips tight enough to leave bruises.

Gen finally recuperates enough to join in, kissing me senseless and whispering not-so-sweet nothings in my ear.

"Jared is fucking you real good ain't he? You're taking all that cock. You gonna let him put a baby in you? Yea you are, aren't ya? Get all big and round with a Padalecki growing in you. You want that? You want Jared to cum deep inside and impregnate you?"

"Uh huh," is all I can muster as Jared keeps pounding into me from behind, his balls bouncing up to slap my clit.

"Jared, put a baby in our baby girl. Fill her little pussy up."

"Yes Daddy. Please," I say, finally getting my voice.  "Please daddy put your baby in me."

"Oh god. Yea, I can do that. I can definitely do that."

"Mama?" I call out to Gen who lays down to meet my eyes.  "Are you sure? This is what you want?"

"Yes baby. I want to watch you grow our baby inside you. I love you sweet girl. And I know you'll be the best mom, you already are to Tom, Shep and O."

She smiles before capturing my lips with hers, wrapping her hand in my hair and tugging, making me whimper and whine.

Jared stills behind me as I feel his dick throbbing and spurting, filling me with his cum and hopefully getting me pregnant. It seems to go on and on before he finally slumps and pulls out of me, only to prod his softened dick back inside and thrusts, making sure the release goes where it needs.

If we made a baby together tonight or not,  I know these two beautiful people, my lovers, will be here with me through the celebration or if need be, the act of trying until we succeed. 

Six weeks later, I find myself peeing on a stick. I haven't told anyone but my period is about 8 days late and I've always been regular. 

I wait for the timer to go off on my phone, staring at the test laying facedown on the sink. Am I pregnant? Am I just late? But then if that's the case, why am I late? 

The device dings and I hesitantly reach for the test, turning it over to find out the result.

As I walk down the stairs, I hear my family in the front room laughing and just being goofy, none of them aware of what I hold in my hand. The small thin piece of plastic that is going to change everything. 

I stand at the doorway and just watch the five of them. I love them all so much and am grateful that they are now a part of my life. The kids accepted me and made me feel welcomed and loved from the very beginning and now they sometimes call me Mommy Y/N. It warms my soul when they utter those words. 

Jared and Genevieve. I never thought I could find a love like I have with them. It is an all-consuming love. They are so kind, caring and generous. The three of us are in love and we are about to bring another life into the mix. 

“Hey guys,” I call out getting their attention. Shep runs and wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head on my stomach, like he knows his new little brother or sister is growing inside me. But that can’t be, I haven’t said a word to anyone much less the kids.

I ruffle his hair and he looks up at me with a smile. “Why don’t you go sit on the sofa with your parents?” I request. “I have something to tell you all.”

“We’re having a baby,” I announce, not wanting to drag this out. I am happy, ecstatic even and I am hoping, ok I’m pretty sure this news will be accepted with joy. 

“What?” Gen exclaims, a smile blossoming on her face. “Really?”

“Yea,” I answer as I hold up the pregnancy test with the two bold blue lines. “I’m pregnant.”

Gen gently lifts O off her lap and jumps up, rushing to hug me and pulling me into a kiss. We’ve never hidden our relationship from the kids so to see their Mom and I kissing is no big deal to them.

When she pulls away, Gen looks at me with tears in her eyes. "We're having a baby?"

"Yea we are," I tell her, my own tears making themselves known. 

Suddenly Jared is pulling us both into his chest, his long strong arms holding us close.

"Where's the baby?" O asks as she looks around and in the floor. "I wann' see it."

We laugh as we break apart, going to join them on the sofa. 

I pull O onto my lap while Gen holds Shep and Tom is propped on his Dad's knee.

"The baby isn't born yet," I explain to my daughter. "He or she has to get big enough before it can come live with us. Right now, it's just a tiny little bean."

"I wann' see it," she repeats and I chuckle as I maneuver her around to straddle my thighs. I lift my shirt, exposing my stomach and take her hand to place under my belly button. "The baby is in here,  nice and warm and growing.”

Lil O’s eyebrows fuse together as she stares at the place her hand is and then she says, “Can I play with her when she gets here?”

I laugh and hear Gen and Jared chuckle.

“Of course you can sweetie,” I tell her. “But maybe not when she first gets here, she’ll be itty bitty.”

“She?” Jared says and I look at him. He practically has stars in his eyes with glee. 

“Well O called it a she so I just ran with it. Who knows, it could be a boy,” I say with a shrug. 

“I want a tyrannasaurus,” Shep declares. 

“Geez buddy,” I laugh as I look down at him. “You want me to explode? The baby is in my belly and you want it to be a dinosaur?”

“No, I wasn’t thinking about that,” Shep says, his voice remorseful.

“Hey Sheppy? It’s okay. I was just joking with you.”

“Okay,” he says as he reaches over and puts his hand on my stomach beside his sister’s. 

Before I know it I have three little palms against my skin, along with a slightly bigger one and a huge one over top of all of them; my family silently welcoming and loving on the new addition.

By the time Tom’s birthday comes around, I am huge! Gen had warned me that Padalecki’s were big babies but this is outrageous. I can't see my feet at all and need help to get out of bed every morning. This little one is making my life miserable but I know in the end, it will all be worth it.

We had decided against finding out the gender, mainly because I was still leery about how correct those results could be. So the five of us have begun referring to the bump as Baby P. And right now Baby P was kicking my kidneys and punching my liver. 

I still have almost a month before my due date of April 11 and it seems as if time is slowing down. Every day is a hurdle to get through, with being 8 months pregnant and still trying to help out around the house and do my chores, though both Gen and Jared have fussed at me for doing too much. But I’m pregnant, not disabled.

We’ve planned a barbeque party for Tom’s birthday and invited most of his friends from school, plus the Ackles and the Morgan’s and a few others from Jared’s time on the show. Both sets of grandparents are going to be here also, so it would definitely be a full house.

I am upstairs in the bedroom, trying to slide my sandals on but having trouble since I can’t see anything. Jared walks in while I huff and try again, only to push the shoe farther away.

“Hey baby,” he says gently. “Let me help you.”

“This is ridiculous,” I whine as he lifts my leg and slides the leather onto my foot. “I can’t do anything but waddle around, running into things and just getting in the way. I’m an annoyance to everyone. Maybe I should just stay up here.”

“You hush that right now,” he admonishes me, standing up to tower over me.  “You do not annoy anyone. You do not get in the way at all. You are pregnant, carrying my baby. You’re beautiful, baby girl. I love watching you, knowing that’s my child inside you; a life we created out of our love.” He tugs a stray hair behind my ear and tilts my chin up. “I love you. Gen loves you. Tom, Shep and O love you. We all love you and we love this baby. So get over yourself and get that cute little ass downstairs to celebrate our son’s birthday.”

“Cute and little is not how I would refer to my ass,” I retort with a smile. “I look like a Kardashian.”

“Mmhmm,” Jared mumbles as he leans down to kiss me. “More to spank.”

I chuckle as I tiptoe to kiss him and then turn to head downstairs to join my family and greet our guests.

The party is in full swing as most of the adults sit in lounge chairs, talking and catching up while Jared and Jensen man the grill and the ladies are in the kitchen gathering up the condiments and sides.

I have been commanded to stay in my seat and ask for anything I need. Jared went as far as to tell me if he saw me on my feet, he would spank me in front of everyone. And as much as I love him spanking me, that was something that no one else needed to see so I kept my promise, only asking that he give me a bottle of water for my stay.

Everyone seems to be having a good time; the kids are enjoying the gigantic bounce house that we rented and sat up in the backyard, the adults congregate on the patio talking and laughing and waiting for food.

I look around with a blissful heart at the family and friends I have acquired since becoming Jared and Gen’s lover. No one seems to bat an eye anymore about our relationship and took it at face value and that made me very happy. Sure, there were a few things still being said on the internet but those people don’t matter to me. What matters to me is the ones here today, celebrating our son’s birthday. 

A pain shoots through my body but as soon as it appears, it disappears so I think nothing of it and go back to watching Tom, Shep, JJ, and a few of their friends from school run around the yard playing tag. It’s a good day.

That good day turns when later that evening while the ones of us that are still lounging around, mostly family, my water breaks. Gerald and Sherri, Jared’s parents, stay at the house with the kids as Gen, Jared and I rush to the hospital.

In the early morning hours of March 18, we welcome Delaney Grace Padalecki, a whopping 9 pound 12 ounce baby girl. 

I thought I knew what love was, what love is but until I looked into my daughter’s eyes, I had had no idea. 

Love is infinite. Love is encompassing. Love is the glue that cements us all together. And I have found that with Gen and Jared and their-our-kids and now with Delaney. There is no way my life could be any richer. A once in a lifetime encounter gave me love and a family. 

THE END

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @spnbaby-67​ @tftumblin​ @sea040561​ @delightfullykrispypeach​ @larajadeschmidt13​ @atc74​ @vicariouslythruspn​ @squirrelnotsam​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @sandlee44​ @blacktithe7​ @hoboal87​ @mogaruke​ @deanwanddamons​ @supraveng​ @deandreamernp​

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Sam’s Emotional Arc 1/3

I hated the finale immediately, but I’ve spent some time with it and talked to friends who loved it. I can see now what it was about, and I’ve come to appreciate the story they were trying to tell, even if I think it didn’t land right.

I’ve been told that my meta on this has helped other people come to terms with the finale, so I thought I’d compile it in one place from across various discord channels and twitter posts. If you are struggling with the finale, I hope it helps you.

Part of this actually started with a shit post. I was making a joke about Sam being psychic since he was scared of clowns when Dean died by one. I realized that may have been deliberate. I dug into the story more and now I’m convinced it was. Then I came across some excellent meta that fit with the themes I was finding and opened up the series even more for me.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it. First, Sam’s journey. 

Clowns pop up in s15 before the barn scene. In 15.01, which was written by Dabb, Sam is injured by a clown. Castiel is able to save Sam and heal his injury. The clown keeps coming after Sam, with Sam having fight scenes with the clown, while others attack the other ghosts. The clown is kicking the shit out of Sam again, and Castiel saves him once more. Sam is unable to fight off the clown on his own both times.

They run until they are able to escape outside a magical barrier. Sam turns to the clown and says, “shut up”. 

This is literally Sam running from his fears. On top of that, this isn’t just any clown, but the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, from an episode also written by Dabb.

Dean: A serial killer clown. I mean, this is, like, the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you, you know, ‘cause you love serial killers, but – but you hate clowns.

Sam gets nervous and struggles with the lighter before he’s able to get rid of the clown, for now.

I believe this is a metaphor for hunting in general: it’s both the best of Sam’s life and also the worst. The clowns symbolize his relationship with Dean.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie was co-written by Dabb (see the pattern?). Sam’s fear of clowns was known since season 2. In season 7, Dabb explored where this fear came from.

On the surface, Sam’s fear is just because he found them creepy, but the episode explains that they actually come from Sam’s fear of being left behind by Dean.

This episode comes directly after an episode where Sam worried that Dean would get himself killed

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed. Dean: I'll do what I can. Sam: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Dean: It means I'll do what I can. All right? You can shut up about it.

Sam is dealing with Hallucifer at this moment, but Hallucifer doesn’t really scare him. Losing Dean does.

Sam has a conversation with an employee about greatest fears.

Recognize the actress? She came back for s15 in 15.06. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. 15.06 featured Castiel helping a parent find their lost child in a season that features Castiel worried about losing Jack. Through his experience with her, Castiel confronts his fears and doubts and then returns to join in the fight against God. [I’ll touch on Castiel’s journey more in his chapter]

Sam’s greatest fear is losing Dean. There’s a lot in the series about how Sam felt lonely and abandoned for much of his childhood. A whole episode, Just My Imagination, centers around this. Sam hated when Dean went off on hunts without him.

source In The Chitters, Sam tells Dean how his fear of losing his family paralyzed him as child. It’s a story where an older brother dies and the younger brother never recovers from it until he’s able to lay him to rest (sound familiar???)

Sam: You know, whenever you and Dad used to leave me to go hunting, and I-and I wouldn’t hear from y’all for a while, I, um, I was always sure that some vamp or rugaru, or take your pick, I always figured one of them finally got ya. I tried to think what to do, you know, the next step to take. I was just lost. Dean: We came back, though, every time.

You might naturally think, “Wait a minute! Sam left Dean multiple times!” Honestly, this was something I had a huge issue with when watching through the show the first time. I didn’t understand Sam and hated him leaving Dean in s8. I was completely on Dean’s side at first. But, on multiple rewatches and talking to others, I’ve realized that when Sam left Dean, he was running from his fear. In this TV Guide interview, Jared perfectly sums up why Sam left in season 1; he couldn’t stand to see his family die. Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon along with a comic that explains why Sam left in detail. While the comic isn’t official canon, it shows Dabb’s thought process. In it, Sam sees his family as running towards a horrible end and can’t handle dealing with that.

Dean: So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? Sam: No. Not normal. Safe.

There are many more points in the series where we learn about Sam’s fear of Dean dying. This would be 3948573945 pages long if I wrote them all out, so I’m going to focus on the key moments that loop back to this ending, but there’s so much more there.

If you are struggling with this and need more, please let me know and I can do a deeper dive into that subject. We first see Sam’s inability to let Dean go in season 1 when Sam refuses to let Dean die in Faith.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? Sam: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

Sam’s whole arc in s3 is him being unable to handle Dean dying. He wants to save Dean, but Dean won’t let himself be saved. This was what Gabriel was trying to teach him in Mystery Spot.

Trickster: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

This is how Ruby gets under Sam’s skin and what gets him to start working with her. Everything Sam did was to save Dean. In s4, Sam’s arc is about him sacrificing himself in order to save Dean. He’s gutted from being unable to save Dean. In 4.12, Sam decides to drink demon blood in order to save Dean

Dean: [says that they will die early] Sam: Maybe we'll be different, Dean. Dean: What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life. Sam: What if we could win?Dean: "Win"?Sam: If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it.

When Sam breaks out of the panic room, he’s suicidal. He’s determined to save Dean with his life as the cost he’s willing to pay. He didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith. He was committing suicide in that moment. The reason why Sam is so willing to sacrifice himself in s5 is because he has low self esteem. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. In Sam, Interrupted 5.11, also by Dabb, Sam has a breakdown under the weight of his guilt. He hates himself and he feels his rage is out of control. In season 6, we see soulless Sam and, unlike souled Sam, he has no rage. Yes, he’ll kill when necessary, but he’s not angry. It was Sam’s fear driving his rage. He felt out of control of his life and let it lead him down a dark path. In season 7, he sees Dean heading down a dark path and he feels helpless to stop it. He worries about dragging Dean down and tells Dean to let him go. But, at the same time, he’s developing coping techniques. He’s starting to face his fears. 

And then Dean disappears and Sam completely falls apart. Sam didn’t have a healthy relationship with Amelia. They were two broken people clinging to each other. Sam and Dean struggle to reconnect after their time apart. There’s a lot of text addressing the horror of a partner dying and people trying to escape from it.

Mrs Holmes: He could see the end of my days were at hand, and... He had lived centuries all alone, but I don't think he could bear the thought of life without me. That's why he drove off that bridge. You must think I'm a monster.

In Hunteri Heroica written by GUESS WHO!?!? Sam finally acknowledges that he was living in a dream world with Amelia. He was running from his past. We see a flash back with Sam pressing on his scar, which he did to help himself distinguish fantasy from reality.

The episode is about a man refusing to engage in reality and harming those around him. Sam has a big confrontation with him

Sam: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking Sam’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Likewise, when Sam was with Jessica, he wasn’t honest about himself. He was hiding from his family and his past. Running to avoid pain. Sam is avoidant in general. Not just in his relationship with Dean. When he talks with Rowena in 13.12 Various & Sundry Villains about his fears of Lucifer, he admits that he could talk about it with Dean, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind – behind whatever vessel. It… Yeah, still keeps me up at night. Rowena: How do you deal with it? Sam: I guess I don’t deal with it. Not really. I mean, I pushed it down and, um, the world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down, and I don’t know. [stammering] I really don’t talk about it, not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’d listen, but… That’s not something I really know how to share.

In 15.20, Sam’s past is front and center. Literally. I know a lot of people found the Winchester family portrait odd and upsetting, but it symbolizes something I’ll get to in a bit. Instead of trying to avoid his grief, Sam has moments where he lets it wash over him. He goes and sits in the car. He’s no longer avoidant. He’s no longer running away. He’s letting his grief move through him. He’s literally sitting with it.

Soulless Puppy pointed out that the characters emotional arcs is similar to DBT. Please look through their awesome meta here.

Personally, I see them as similar to the therapy I do called ACT. Both are forms of therapy where instead of fighting against them, you accept painful emotions and allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t do that work, then you can’t stop feeling them and your fears/ghosts will always haunt you.  In Swan Song, Chuck tells us that “Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.”  In 15.20, Sam initially didn’t want to let Dean go. He’s been refusing to do this since season 1. When he’s separated from Dean he lives a fake life or destroys himself/the world trying to get Dean back. There’s a moment in 15.20 where Sam looks at Dean’s guns. He wants to commit suicide, but he makes the choice to live. For the time in Sam’s life, he let Dean go and lived with his pain. He no longer ran from it. After Swan Song, Dean was unable to let Sam go. He wanted him back. After Carry On, Sam is able to do what Dean couldn’t do. He lives a life outside of Dean. What’s more, Sam has reconciled himself with his past and his family. It’s clumsy and I wish it were better shown, but having the family portrait and their parents in heaven isn’t meant to excuse the way Sam and Dean were raised. In order to move past the trauma of his relationship with his parents, Sam fully integrates them into his life. In Lebanon, Sam was able to confront and forgive his father. In doing so, he can also forgive himself. Mary asks for forgiveness too, and he grants it to her. He doesn’t forget what happened, but he’s able to move forward and leave the intergenerational cycle of violence. He’s able to raise his son, Dean, the way his brother should have been raised.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it.

I can see why people see Sam’s life after Dean as unhappy. I hated it so much because I saw it as horrible and sad the first time through. I had to sit with myself and my emotions first. I think it’s because we’ve been told by society that we have to get rid of our grief in order to be happy. The finale was showing us that it’s possible to do the opposite. [Personally I think it would’ve been better had they showed more overtly happy memories, but many of my friends saw this straight away] When I began therapy, one of the first things I learned was that there aren’t “negative” emotions. When working with our kids, we call them Big emotions. In DBT/ACT, all emotions are treated as normal and natural. Grief, anger, sadness, etc, these are all normal parts of the human existence. We don’t need to run from them in order to have happiness. We can live with them. As interstitial said in our chats, “you can't change the past, you can only change your relationship to it. To accept that your past contained both love and heartache, to miss it, but also know you can do better; that's actual recovery, as good as it gets.” As Soulless-Puppy explained to me, Sam lived in duality. Dean was dead, but Sam lived. Sam was happy, but he grieved. Dean was with him in the watch and the car and his son, but Dean also waited for him in heaven. I hated the finale the first time I saw it, then next watched it with my boyfriend who loved it. As we were watching together and discussing it, I realized that Dean’s death scene wasn’t just about him, but about the show itself. 

Dean promising Sam that he will be with Sam in Sam’s heart is also the show promising us that they will never leave it. That’s why Alex kept posting “The end has no end.” Just as Sam carried Dean with him in his heart, we will carry the show with us. I hope this helps. It’s a terrible thing to feel upset about an ending and thinking of the show this way, recognizing these patterns, is bringing me peace. I still have issues with how it was written, but now that I see what they were doing, I wish all the more that they had the chance to do it right. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love hearing different opinions. Next up, Dean. Then Castiel.

[scattered-shadows]

Past-Present-Future Black Dahlia

Two major tragedies bring Lee Mirae closer to the edge as she goes through the stages of grief in a more violent manner that would affect not only her relationships with her boyfriend Jeong Yunho and her half-brother Choi San, but also has her becoming closer with the immortal mutant Kang Yeosang. Fueled by rage, grief, and pain, along with a very rude awakening that has Mirae spiraling out of control and questioning everything she holds dear.

Group: ATEEZ Member: Yunho Pairing: Jeong Yunho / OC Genre: Action, adventure, angst, fantasy

Watch Out! : Violence, blood, death, grief and loss, major character deaths, use of weapons, some jealousy (but no cheating ofc), implied smut (not sure if there is any but i’m putting it out there nonetheless), mental illness (probably?), gambling and alcohol

Anything else? : Mentions of other idols of course as well as other characters. SuperM, Dean, Chanyeol, Zelo, soloist Park Jihoon to name a few.

Author’s Note: Again, interesting things happen when you wing it. Look out for a cool fight scene, I think one of the best fight scenes I’ve written if I do say so myself. It was a challenge to write Yunho’s though, spoiler alert. But I hope this chapter brings us closer to a possible conclusion, or at least gives us an idea of how things could end. 

Masterlist

Chapter 7

Yunho could see the horizon from where he stood, feeling the wind come east, swooping by him. This was where the portal brought him. One moment he was at the grounds of the school, and the next he was in this town that seemed deserted, looking like something out of an old western movie. It reminded him of the place where cowboys were, and for some reason, it reminded him of his time in Morocco. 

He needed to look for a way out, or a way back, realizing what he heard. Mirae had refused to join them, out of Ino getting Baekhyun out of the way, out of the fact that they probably wouldn’t keep their promise of getting him and San back to her. He knew what was going on, only he didn’t know how to get out and not even his teleporting might help as he didn’t know where to go. 

Yunho closed his eyes, trying to hear Mirae again in the hopes of reaching out to her. He wondered if her refusing Ino meant that she was back, back to being the person he knew her to be, if she was back to being the person who could only grieve without getting people hurt. 

As he opened his eyes, Yunho felt a strange pounding in his chest, as if he was nervous. The surroundings had changed, at least how the village he found himself in changed, as he could still see the same dirt road ahead. Everything was a lot more colorful, shades of blue mixed in with the shades of rust. The rest of the colors seemed to be in the fabrics of stalls near buildings that were castle-like. 

It was like he was back. Back in the place where his immortality, his mutant gene took effect. The only thing that seemed to be missing were the scorch marks and patches of blood, even his own wounds. 

Yunho remembered the days of hiding out, disguising himself countless times to blend in. But he also remembered the times his teleportation would fluctuate whenever he was hiding in dark street corners at night, unintentionally scaring off children. He felt a nervousness that he hadn’t felt in a while, a feeling of dread as he looked around the deserted village. 

“This is taking you back, isn’t it?” 

Ino suddenly appeared in front of him along with Ten. Yunho stopped in his tracks. “Mirae made the wrong decision in refusing to join us. I have to admit, I feel disappointed,” The elder male said. 

“You feel disappointed? What about Mirae? What about Hyuk? What about Chanyeol? What about us? You betrayed us, betrayed our trust!” Yunho’s voice was raised. “You think you have the right to feel betrayed? You?!” 

“Hyuk and Chanyeol’s deaths were the price to pay in order to move our agenda forward. It’s time mutants really had some influence in the world. We’ve got powers, everyone else does not. If a few mutants dying is part of the process, then so be it,” Ino insisted. 

“So all this time, the Ino that we know, the Ino that Mirae knows, is bent on power after all…” Yunho said quietly. “Then Mirae is right to want to get at you too. As a matter of fact, everyone else that’s in here does.” 

“It might be so, but just like Hyuk and Chanyeol, it is also a price to pay to move forward a greater cause, for mutantkind,” Ino said. 

“What does that make you? Are you the leader for all of us?” Yunho glared at him. 

“Uh, we’ll get around to that,” Ten pointed out. “We’ve yet to elect the leader of this...whatever this is.” 

“Well, I am quite powerful, Yunho. I thought you knew that,” Ino said. 

“What is this world coming to?” Yunho looked down. He tried to get to Mirae again. “Where is San? Where did you put him?” He asked. 

“Tsk tsk tsk, I can’t tell you that,” Ten smirked. “As much as I can’t tell you what you remember from looking at this place. Brings back memories, doesn’t it? That last mission you had, your life since that day. People you’ve met, people you’ve… killed. And as a result of your mutant ability too. Don’t think we don’t know where you’ve been.” 

“Old habits die hard,” Yunho replied, but he could feel a little tinge of discomfort at his words. 

“That, it does,” Ten was grinning. “I suppose by the way you’re just standing still, you know there is nothing you can do right now.” 

“There’s always something. Ino knows it too,” Yunho glanced at the elder male again. “All I know is, at least I’m not the one running away from Mirae.” 

Ino’s face remained stoic. “I’m no coward, Yunho.” 

“Yes you are. It doesn’t change the fact that you made everyone else do the dirty work, just like you allowed Baekhyun and Jongin to tamper with the Danger Room. You didn’t let them in, they had to figure it out for themselves. Just like how you did nothing when you knew something was wrong,” Yunho pointed out as if to taunt him.

“There is a fine line between strategy and cowardice.” 

“And you’ve blurred that line.” 

“Are we going to continue this little repartee?” Ten asked, rolling his eyes. “We have to go back. They’ll need you to start operations.” 

Yunho smirked. “There is always a way, Ino hyung. I’m not running away from Mirae, you are.” 

Ino and Ten returned to the portal, Yunho catching a glimpse of where they were going. An island. “We’ll be back,” Ten said over his shoulder, and the portal disappeared. 

~ 

Powdery white snow fell on San’s head as he tried to figure out where he was while keeping himself warm. He wasn’t sure what happened. One moment, he was at the grounds of the abandoned school, running towards Mirae who had called out to him, the next moment he was at a forked road of what was a snowy mountainside, without his harpoon on him. 

San wasn’t sure where he was either. He didn’t know if this was still part of the place that they were in, or if this was somewhere else entirely. All he knew was that he needed to go back to the grounds of the school or at least to the place where everyone else would be. 

He stood in the middle of the forked road. It seemed unlikely that cars or even people would be coming any moment, and it made him think of the possible outcomes if he chose one road. If he chose the one going up, he might have an idea of where to go. If he chose the road going forward, he would see what else he would have to deal with if he decided to go. 

San thought of Mirae, what she would do in a situation like this, and without another thought, he ran up the road going upwards, looking up from time to time to see how far he had to go. It wasn’t going to be that far, but he knew he didn’t have much time. San kept running, only to skid to a halt, almost falling over when he realized he dodged a dart. Looking at it closely, the dart looked very familiar, almost too familiar. 

“Choi San!” 

He felt a chill down his spine at the call of his name. The voice sounded just as familiar and looking at the dart and out from the view where he heard his name, he realized just how familiar the place he was in was. The more his name was called by that same voice, San broke into a run again, taking large strides up the road that would lead to the mountaintop. 

“I can’t be back here, I just can’t,” San muttered, unable to shake off the sudden pang of dread that came over him upon seeing the dart and from hearing the voice. His thoughts immediately went back to the road ahead and seeing that there wasn’t much distance left until he reached the top, his eyes and fingertips glowed. San jumped on to the side, his hands immediately boring holes into the rock with a faint crack as he climbed his way up, his feet then making use of the holes he made with his hands.

As soon as he reached the top, he saw a frozen pond, along with visibly empty tents and a broken down car. “Choi San!” He heard the voice call out to him again, and San whipped around, on alert of what may come at him from here. He could only feel the chill from the wind where he stood. 

“Gives you goosebumps, doesn’t it, the place where you came from, or, where you first ran away to.” 

San turned around. From the rocks appeared Taeyong, smirking. “Where am I?” He asked. 

“Ten thought we’d bring you back to a place familiar to you. We know more about you than you think, you know, and I didn’t even need to read your mind to know what’s happened to you before you uh, found your sister.” 

“I don’t have anything to prove to you, if you know what I’ve been through then you know what I’ve been through,” San said. “If you’re trying to get into my head right now, you’re not doing a very good job.” 

“Oh really?” Taeyong raised a brow. 

“Yeah,” San was smirking. “For instance, you probably don’t know the exact details of what happened in this place.” 

“You are insulting my intelligence,” His expression stiffened. 

“Good, because that means you really don’t know,” San reached into his pocket. 

“If you’re thinking of trying to kill me, think again,” Taeyong pointed to his temple. “Then again, it might be fun to see you try.” 

“Why don’t we try it then?” San grinned, quickly ducking out of the way when he saw shards of ice go his direction, crashing into the nearby trees. He kept running, skidding against the snow to kick the powdery ice into the psychic’s face, catching him off guard and making him fall over. “What’s the matter? Can’t keep up?” He taunted, picking up the buried chain he remembered close to the car, cracking the string of metal like a whip towards him. 

Taeyong kept backing away, sending the car up from its place and towards him. San’s eyes glowed bright as he whipped the vehicle away and making it fall to the ground, the car overheating as it fell back close to the edge of where they stood. 

Taeyong dismantled the tent, revealing what else was inside, the poles used to hold it up charging towards him. San whipped the metal poles away, catching one in time. “You’re being quite generous,” San grinned, striking the ground with the pole and sending a wave of energy. Taeyong fell over, turning into his diamond form. 

“You’re leaving me with no choice,” He said, getting back up and charging towards San, who quickly moved to wrap the chain around his neck, tugging on it tightly.

“You underestimate me. You forget to realize I am Mirae’s brother. I learned a few things from her,” San kept his hold on the psychic’s neck, squeezing the chains tied around him tightly. “Go ahead and turn back to normal, I dare you.” 

Taeyong coughed and sputtered while San kept his hold on the chains, until he burst into laughter. “Go ahead and try and kill me, my brother’s going to come after you.” 

“I’ll take that chance,” San’s eyes were still glowing and he pushed Taeyong back, the chains still on his neck as it exploded. He tossed a black disk he found in his pocket towards the explosion quick enough to whistle, the explosion growing bigger until it dissipated, with the psychic’s body on the ground. Or at least, remnants of him in his human form. San figured he tried to change back when he let go of the chain only to be met with the explosive disk he threw.  

The ground under his feet began to rumble, and San looked up, sensing the presence of more snow coming from above. The layer of snow from the peak of the mountain where he was broke off and began to slide downhill, towards where he was. San picked up the fabric used for the tent, smirking to himself at the items that he saw came from under it and jumped off the edge, using the fabric to glide down the mountain and onto the forest below. 

The rumbling grew louder as he saw the avalanche had settled onto where he was earlier. San landed on the ground, stumbling as he hit the snow, looking back up from where he came from. All he had to figure out was how to get out of the place. He wondered where Yunho was, and where the rest of them were. He needed to run. 

From a distance, he heard someone yell, followed by a strong gust of wind coming from the north. The sky had turned cloudy, coupled with thunder and lightning. “Taeyong!” San heard a booming voice from the same place. 

“Must be Taeyong’s brother,” San muttered to himself as he kept running, seeing a clearing ahead. The closer he got, the more he saw where it led to. A harbor, only the ocean was an inky black. 

~ 

Mirae stared at the ruins of the school. Now that Ino had disappeared, she had been staring at the buildings that had disintegrated because of her powers. Destruction was all she seemed to think about now that she knew who to look for. She could hear Yunho’s thoughts, having encountered Ino as he was trapped in a village Ten had created. Ino was a coward no matter how much he’d deny it. 

If they wanted a monster, they would get a monster. 

“Mirae?” Hongjoong was standing close by. 

“My dear?” Yeosang had called as well. He groaned in his place, parts of his dark hair already turning white. “I need to feed, we’re running out of time. Project Apocalypse will be activated.” 

“Save it for when we see them again then,” Seonghwa pointed out. 

Mirae didn’t speak, and Wooyoung could tell what she was feeling. It made him step forward as well. “Mirae? I know you’re hurting, and I can tell how you’re feeling…” He tried to say it as carefully as possible. 

Her eyes were welling with tears. What am I without Hyuk? Without Chanyeol? Without Jihoon? Without Yunho? Without San? She thought, as she observed the cracks in the ground. “Like a monster,” She muttered. 

Wooyoung shook his head. “No. I know you feel like you’ve lost everyone you love, but I can tell you. I promise you, Mirae, you didn’t lose everyone-” 

“It’s so easy for you to say that, isn’t it?” Mirae glanced at him. 

“No, it’s not. Well, in a way, it is, but that’s not the point,” Wooyoung said. “I’ve sensed what is most likely going to happen, and we’ll get them back, Yunho and San.” 

Mirae looked down again, her eyes and fingertips glowing. Hongjoong exchanged looks with Wooyoung, and he approached her, the rest of them carefully following behind. “My dear, your shadowy friend is right,” Yeosang spoke. “I know how you feel.” 

“No you don’t,” Mirae shook her head, facing them. “You have no fucking idea how I feel right now.” 

“That’s fair, maybe we don’t,” Hongjoong said. “But Wooyoung’s point still stands. You didn’t lose everyone as much as they’re trying to make you think. You still have Yunho, you still have San, you still have executive Kang, whatever he is to you,” He turned to the vampiric-looking mutant, frowning slightly at the changes in his appearance. “You still have us too.” 

“We followed you here. Teamwork like ours, it’s not something that can just go away, we’ve all been through the same thing in that sanitarium, remember?” Seonghwa said. “Junhong is still here too. He’s waiting for us in the van right now. Mirae, you’re not as alone as you think you are, as they think you are. You still have us.” 

“Mirae, please,” Mingi’s expression fell.

“We, all of us, haven’t been together again for a while,” It was Jongho’s turn to speak. “We’d honestly still be lost if it weren’t for the three of you finding us again.” 

Yeosang put his hand on her shoulder, Mirae sensing the coldness of his touch even through her clothes. “For so long, I have pushed away so many people, thinking that this was the only way to survive. That was until I met you. All of us here are with you, my dear. Even your technology-affiliated friend who is waiting for us outside. We will get Yunho and San back, I promise you. I only ask that you not make the same mistake towards everyone else who has grown to care for you.”

“Come with us. Please,” Hongjoong said quietly. “...We need our leader back. Just like old times.” 

“I wish it was that simple,” Mirae said.

“And it is. It can be simple, my dear,” Yeosang said. “Come with us, my dear Mirae. I promise you, you have not lost everyone you love as much as they’re trying to make you think you have.” 

Mirae glanced at all of them, seeing how their expressions were all hopeful that maybe, just maybe, their words had gotten through to her. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she wasn’t feeling that bubbling anger inside her, as if it was slowly getting replaced by a feeling of calm that she couldn’t quite comprehend. The feeling of calm was similar to what she felt after that time Jihoon died, along with her adoptive parents.  

It made her think of them. It made her think of what Chanyeol and Hyuk would’ve done. A part of her wanted to stay angry, but another part of her, a bigger part of her, knew that Chanyeol and Hyuk would never want her to turn out the way she was acting right now. She knew not even Jihoon would be cheering for her with all the damage she had caused so far. It seemed to be a relief that not even her home, back in the city, was damaged yet at this point. 

“One of these days, we’ll do a mission again, just the three of us.”

“Yeah, someone needs to watch your back this time. You nearly got your powers taken away.” 

“Lee Mirae, you’re getting sappy.” 

“Even with the way things ended back then. I’m glad the three of us found each other.” 

Mirae closed her eyes, remembering the last conversations she had with them. Hot tears trickled down her face. “I really wish it was that simple,” She whispered. “I want them back.” 

Yeosang could only keep his hand on her shoulder, unsure of whether to go nearer but sensing that Hongjoong was already doing the same. “I know you do. Hyuk hyung, Chanyeol hyung, I know you want them back, but they're in a much better place now, don’t you think?”

“Just as much as I want them back too,” Mirae said, making the rest of them stare at her, realizing what she meant. 

~ 

Yunho stopped in his tracks as he stepped out of one dark place to another in the village he was in. He heard her thoughts, heard what was going on with her. A small smile played across his lips, realizing what she said, why she was reaching out to him at this time. She was back, at least it seemed like it. 

Yunho ran towards another shadowy alley, trying to teleport, picturing the abandoned school, only to end up in another alley just by seeing the colored kaftans hanging from the two-floored houses he was surrounded by. 

Before he could teleport again, Mark appeared and kicked him out of the alley. “Jeong Yunho is it?” He said, seeing Yunho slide down the road, a scratch evident in his face only for it to heal completely. “A fellow external, this is excellent.” 

“Yeah, what about it?” Yunho got back up on his feet. “You do know we can actually kill each other, right?” 

“I am very well aware. Yeosang’s already weakening, it’s your turn,” Mark kicked him again and disappeared, reappearing behind the taller and punching him. Yunho stumbled to the side but quickly got back up, figuring out where Mark would reappear next. 

Yunho smirked. “Two can play this game,” He closed his eyes, letting his instincts guide him on where the other male would reappear. Before he knew it, he reappeared in another alley, and in another, and another, realizing that the sky was getting dark. “Let’s play hide and seek then! You hide and I’ll seek!” He called out, teleporting from one spot to another, stopping at the empty fountain. 

“With pleasure,” Mark reappeared, only for the taller to grab him by the collar, both of them teleporting from one spot to another in the midst of their scuffle. Yunho kept his grip on Mark, punching him several times until kicking him, the two of them reappearing and landing on opposite directions. “We have all night, Yunho, give up already?” 

“I’m just getting started,” Yunho charged towards Mark, only to vanish halfway through the run, reappearing in a puff of black smoke behind the shorter, tackling him into a headlock. “Losing your touch already, old man?” He taunted, the shorter coughing and sputtering. “Try and teleport, I’m going with you all the way.” 

Mark groaned and sucker punched him, but Yunho kept his hold on him as they teleported from one place to another. “You realize while I’m here, the rest of my friends are already trying to activate Project Apocalypse as we speak,” He coughed, trying to break free but his strength was waning. 

“Trying, they’re only trying,” Yunho kept his hold. “You tell me where the hell am I and where San is and I might just let you live,” He threatened. “You should be familiar with what happened here, since all of you know things about me.” 

“That I am,” Mark sucker punched him again before trying to poke his eyes. Yunho ducked in time to throw him off, running into another shadowy part of the place and disappearing. “This is testing my patience,” He cracked his knuckles and reappeared inside what looked like the inside of a blockhouse that he knew was still within the village. 

Mark looked around, trying to sense a presence within the confined walls of the fortified space. “You really think Mirae’s going to go back to you?” He called out. “She’s far down the rabbit hole of her rage. But I am amazed that Yeosang got through to her more than her own boyfriend,” He said, removing the blankets and the sheets from the nearby beds. “Based from your thoughts and memories, she thought you were looking the other way. I can’t blame either of you, though. Both of you seem to be much better apart than you are together-” 

Yunho had reappeared behind him, kicking him before he could teleport and knocking him down, the taller quickly kicking his leg to keep him down. “You were saying?” He asked. “Get us out of here, why don’t you?” 

Mark smirked. “Bold of you to assume I will easily give in to that.” 

“Want to bet?” Yunho kicked his other leg down, hearing the bones crack. “You teleport, I teleport with you.” 

“Alright, alright,” Mark groaned, the pain in his legs still present as he faced the taller male. “It’s clear that we are evenly matched at the moment,” He crawled to his feet, only for Yunho to pull him back down by the ankle. 

“I don’t think it’s even at the moment,” Yunho kicked his leg down again, making him yelp in pain. “You’re going to take me to Mirae, and you’re going to bring San back, do you understand? But first, I need information.” 

“Do you really think torturing me is going to get me to tell you where Project Apocalypse is located?” Mark gave him a look. 

“We’re both immortals, we’ve got the rest of our never-ending lives, and we’ve got the time, you might as well tell me,” Yunho drove his foot further into Mark’s leg. “I’ve certainly got the time to break these bones over and over again.” 

“Alright! I will have to concede in this battle,” Mark spat. “If you had any knowledge in how plans like these work, you would’ve already figured out by now that the rest of the country will be seeing our entrance soon.” 

“Mhmm,” Yunho got the idea, but he still drove his foot down on Mark’s broken leg. “Where there?” 

“The city, where else? Seoul itself is about to see once more what happens when powerful mutants like ourselves can take power.”

[americancowgirl19]

Mutant not Monster - Part Three

Part Three: Sam falls into the cage leaving Dean to think he’s lost his brother forever. Wanting to honor his brother’s last wishes, Dean goes to Y/n.

Summary: Y/n and her twin brother, Warren, are both mutants. In a world where mutants aren’t accepted, Y/n and her brother have to go on the run as anti-mutant extremists begin hunting their kind down. Sam and Dean are hunters, just not mutant hunters. However, their paths cross and despite a rocky beginning they become allies against not only the war against mutants but the war against mankind.

Warnings: angst, fluff, talk about character death

Reader: Female Reader; Y/n Worthington

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2,181

Part Two

Masterlist

2010 - Y/n POV - Reader is 30

“Storm’s sending me to Baltimore. She thinks that there’s a group of mutants laying low just outside the city,” I tell my brother through the phone.

“Be careful. Baltimore has the highest mutant fatalities,” Warren warns.

“I know, that’s why we have to get them out of there and somewhere safe,” I said as I continue packing.

“Why don’t you wait a few more days?” Warren suggests. “I’ll be back by then and we can go together,”

“I’ll be fine, Warren. I’ll be in and out before anyone blinks,” I promise. Warren sighs obviously not liking this plan but not being able to do anything about it.

Suddenly my doorbell rings and there’s heavy knocking on the door.

“Look, I gotta go. I’ll text you when I get to Baltimore,” I said zipping my bag up. I grab the straps and carry out of my room.

“Alright, fine,” Warren mutters. “Don’t try to be a hero, if you have to leave Baltimore before you find anybody then leave,” Warren says sternly. “Come back to base, get reinforcements and then try again,”

“I know the drill, Warren,” I say. “This isn’t my first assignment on my own. I’ll text you, be safe coming back,” I say before hanging up. I toss my back to the side before opening the door. “Dean?” I ask seeing the tall hunter standing on my welcome mat. 

It’s been a few months since I’ve seen Dean but only about a week since I last heard from him. Over the past few years Dean and I have been through a lot. I’ve helped him hunt the supernatural while he’s helped me find mutants. I’ve worked with him against Lucifer whiles he’s worked with me against anti-mutant extremists like the Sapien League. Of course, Sam’s been right with Dean the entire time but my relationship with the younger brother isn’t quite like the one I have with Dean.

I see Sam as a brother but Dean’s always been different. Dean has a way of ruffling my feathers and making my heart jump like no one else can. I’ve never met someone who can piss me off to high heaven yet still turn me on and make me blush.

There’s always been an understanding between Dean and I. We’ve never talked about it but we both knew we could feel this unspoken thing between us. However, we also knew that with the lives we lived, we wouldn’t be able to act on our feelings. We travel far too much and we both live day by day.

Although, that doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about the perfect future. An ‘apple pie life’ as Dean likes to call it. A life where I don’t have to worry about being killed on the street because of the wings on my back. A life where Dean doesn’t have to go from town to town hunting dangerous creatures. A life just for us with Warren and Sam close but not too close.

That’s all it was though, a fantasy. 

“Dean, what’s wrong?” I whisper.

This isn’t the first time Dean Winchester has appeared on my doorstep. Usually it’s at some ungodly hour but this is the first time he’s shown up with red, puffy eyes.

“Sammy...” Dean chokes out. My heart stops. “Sammy’s...” His head hangs. He doesn’t need to finish. My mouth drops slightly. I’m frozen for a moment but I snap out of it when Dean sniffles. I grab his arm and pull him inside. My foot kicks the door closed and my arms hug him close.

“I’ve got you,” I whisper tightening my grip around him. Dean buries his head in the crook of my neck. I can feel his tears falling on my skin. My wings instinctively wrap around him as I try to provide as much comfort and security as I can. “Shh, I’ve got you,” I whisper combing my fingers through his hair when his grip suddenly tightens. I kiss his shoulder lightly prepared to hold him for as long as it takes.

2010 - Y/n POV - Reader is 30

“Here,” I say softly. Dean takes the coffee from my hands as I sit across from him at the kitchen table. “Why are you here, Dean?” I ask. His eyes flicker up to me. “Shouldn’t you be with Bobby? Or trying to find a way to get Sam back?” I ask him.

“Sam didn’t want me bringing him back,” Dean says. “He wants me to move on, stop hunting,” Dean tells me. “Try the... Apple pie life,” I tense slightly.

“Dean...” I whisper. “I can’t stop,” I tell him. “There’s still mutants out there that need to be found and protected,”

“And I’ve helped you before,” Dean says.

“Yeah, but it’s not the apple pie life, Dean,” I shake my head. “My life isn’t much different from yours, just a different agenda and a different enemy. It’s still dangerous,”

“I know,” Dean sighs slowly. “But... I’d be with you,” He says looking at me. I stay quiet for a moment and stare into his eyes trying to decipher what he’s trying to say. For so long we just didn’t talk about moving forward between us.

“Maybe you should take some time to yourself, Dean,” I whisper. “If you want the apple pie life, you won’t find it with me. Not right now, at least,”

“Guess I’ll just have to be patient then,” Dean says forcing a small smile. I mimic it. “Do you mind if I stay for a few days?”

“You’re always welcome here,” I tell him. “You can stay for as long as you want,” I assure him.

“Thanks,” He says before clearing his throat. His eyes flicker towards the door. “Were you going somewhere?” He asks noticing my bag.

“Baltimore,” I tell him. “Same assignment, different city,”

“But Baltimore-” Dean says, his eyes filling with concern.

“I know,” I cut him off.

“Maybe I can come with you,” Dean suggests.

“I’ll be fine, Dean,” I promise. “It’s a quick in and out. I’ll be back in three days. Warren will be here in two. Just stick around here and find something to do. I’m sure Baby needs to be worked on. Hell, work on my car, God knows it needs something done to it,” I tell him knowing that I was taking my brothers car to Baltimore seeing that he left town with Bobby.

“If you need help-”

“I’ll call you,” I reassure him. Dean gives me a small smile. Reaching across the table, I grab his hand. “Don’t worry about me, Dean. I can handle this. Just worry about yourself, alright?” Dean holds my gaze as he turns his hand in mine until he’s holding it.

2010 - Y/n POV - Reader is 30

As I expected, the trip to Baltimore was successful. It didn’t go as smooth as I had hoped but at least I was able to find the mutants Storm had sent me to find and bring them back to base.

When I returned home I saw Warren and Dean bonding over cars. I was relieved to see Dean smiling and continuing on with life. However, I could still see the heartbreak and sadness in his eyes throughout the day, especially at night. I knew it would take more than a couple of days for Dean to not only come to terms with Sam’s eternal imprisonment but to be able to heal from losing his brother.

Life for Dean didn’t exactly get easier as the months passed but he got set in a routine. He stayed with me at my place and helped look after the mutants. He became the unofficial head mechanic in our area. The small jobs kept him busy.

Every couple of weeks I would have to leave for either diplomacy purposes or undercover missions. However, when I was home, it certainly felt as if I was living an apple pie life. 

Dean would go to work every day and come home around the same time. We would talk about anything and everything. Warren would often join us but it was nice when it was just Dean and I.

Tonight, Warren was off on his own leaving Dean and I to ourselves. Dean’s still out working on cars while I cook us some dinner. It’s nothing fancy but it’s better than takeout.

When Dean finally came home, I was putting dinner on the table as I worked through my second glass of wine. Dean greeted me as he went into the fridge for a beer.

“This look delicious,” Dean grinned sitting at the table.

“I’m just happy I didn’t have to use the fire extinguisher,” I smirked.

“I’m proud of you,” He teases with a wink causing my smile to broaden. A few moments later he began to jabber on and on about what happened at work. It made me smile to hear him talking so fondly of the other mutants. I was relieved that he got along with them so well. I was also glad to see that he wasn’t pushing everyone away and shutting down like I had expected him too. I wish he would talk to his friend/father figure Bobby but I also didn’t want to push him.

At the end of dinner I put the dishes in the sink while Dean opened another beer. I began washing while he took his place beside me to dry. A small smile came to my lips at the domestic vibe between us.

When the dishes were done I continued to wipe down the counter. Dean disappeared behind me. I didn’t think anything of it until I felt his hands. His fingertips brushed against the black feathers on my wings. I could feel them twitch and push against his hand in response.

His fingers gently groom through them. I shudder slightly as he reaches more sensitive areas. The thought of telling him to stop, to step away never crossed my mind. I didn’t want him to stop. It felt good. Calming.

Slowly, his hands travel from my wings to my back. He drags his fingers down my spine. I grip the countertop tightly not fully registering just how much his touch is affecting me. His large, calloused hands cover my hips. His fingers dig into my skin as he steps up against my back.

“Dean...” I whisper. He hums just as quietly as his head dips to my shoulder. My eyes close as his lips press against my skin. His nose glides against my neck before he presses his lips just behind my ear.

“Y/n...” He whispers back. I don’t even notice myself leaning against his chest until his arms wrap around my waist. “You’re so beautiful,” He whispers to me.

“Wings and all?” I ask tentatively. His hug tightens.

“Wings and all,” He confirms slipping his hands under my shirt. He doesn’t attempt to take it off but the skin-on-skin contact if comforting. “You’re perfect,” He states leaning his head against mine. “I wouldn’t want you any other way,”

“Flirt,” I tease causing him to grin. 

“Is it working?” He questions.

“It always works,” I whisper back grinning widely when he kisses the side of my head.

“Sam told me I needed to man up and get you before someone else snatched you up,” Dean confesses, his arms tightening at the mention of his brother. I gently caress his forearms feeling a little happy that Dean was starting to talk about Sam on his own.

“I’ve been yours for years, Dean,” I tell him. “I don’t want anyone else,”

“Good,” Dean says massaging my hips with his hands. I grin as he begins to sway us. I lift my hand up and back to his head. My finger thread through his hair. “I don’t want you to be anyone else’s,” I lean my head back and turn it towards him.

“Are you going to hold me all night or are you going to kiss me?” I ask quietly.

“I’d love to do both,” Dean mutters before closing the gab between us. I grin turning in his arms. Dean instantly pushes me against the counter as my wings curl around him. The both of us hold the other tightly. “God, I shoulda done that when you saved my ass in the woods,” He whispers thinking back to our third meeting.

“Well, You were too busy being a stubborn asshole,” I tease and Dean smirks chuckling a bit.

“Well, I’ve got you now,” He whispers tenderly caressing my face.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise leaning against his hand. He presses into me more as his hand on my hip tightens.

“You better not,” He whispers. My heart clenches as I see the fear and concern in his eyes.

“I’m right here, Dean,” I whisper to him. “Just stay with me. Don’t worry about the future, don’t think about the past. Just stay with me, in this kitchen, for a little longer,” 

“I can do that,” He whispers with a small smile.

“Good,” I whisper pulling his lips back to mine.

@akshi8278​ @shipshipshipau​

A/n - I had planned on moving on with this little series but right now I think I’m going to leave it end like that. I don’t think I’m going to continue with a part four. I hope you all enjoyed it though!

[supernaturaldesires]

A Wild Night

Having the opportunity for a night of fun with Dean and Sam Winchester, you would be a fool to say no. But do you really know what you’re in for?

Pairing: Demon!Dean x Reader x Soulless!Sam (no wincest)

Warnings: dub-con/drunken rough sex, threesome, penetration, oral (male and female receiving), deepthroating, bondage/use of ropes, anal

Word Count: 2,594

The club music pounded through your head as you swayed towards the bar, giddy from the several cocktails you had enjoyed with your friend. Her boyfriend had swung by to pick her up, but you were enjoying yourself too much to leave and assured her you would be fine as she left. Clutching onto the edge of the bar-top, you steadied yourself as you wobbled a little on your high heels. You peered around the corner of the bar, hoping to catch the eye of a bartender.

“You look like you’re enjoying yourself there, doll,” came a smooth voice from beside you. Even sitting down, you could tell the blonde-haired stranger was tall, and his emerald eyes bore into you as though they were looking directly into your soul. And God damn, he was hot.

“No one is enjoying life unless they go a little wild every now and then,” you giggled in return. Your attention was diverted by one of the bartenders coming over to take your order. “I’ll have another long island iced tea please, my good man,” you sang drunkenly. 

The handsome stranger beside you smirked. “Put it on my tab, mate,” he said. Before you could argue, he added: “And we’ll have three shots of tequila alongside it.” The bartender disappeared before you could say a word.

“Three shots?” You questioned with a raised eyebrow. He didn’t appear to be sitting with anyone. 

“One is for my brother,” the man said, his intense eyes back on you. “He’ll be back in a moment. The other one, my dear, is for you.”

“Excuse me, sir,” you said in mock-offense. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

A coy smile appeared on his face. “I thought you wanted to go wild,” he teased. Then he leaned forward until you could feel his breath on your ear. “And if you call me ‘Sir’ again, I’ll show you a night more wild than your dreams.”

A delicious chill ran down your spine at his words. Before you could respond, the bartender returned with your cocktail and three shots. You picked up your cocktail and turned to the man who had bought it for you. “Thanks for the drink, um?”

“Dean,” he said, a wicked glint dancing in his eye. Another even taller man sat in the empty seat to your other side. “That’s Sam.”

You nodded to the new arrival, also very attractive in his own right, though there was something deliciously dangerous about the steeliness of his eyes. Whereas Dean had been more flirtatious, Sam appeared to be completely unashamed of dragging his eyes slowly over your body as if he was mentally undressing you. And honestly, it lit a fire within your belly.

Dean handed two of the shots to you and his brother before picking up the third one for himself. “So, Y/N,” he began coolly. “Just how wild do you want to get tonight?” 

You smirked at him with a cheeky look in your eye. “I thought I’d see where the night takes me, handsome.” The three of you clinked your shot glasses together before knocking them back. You winced a little at the delightful burning sensation, and as you re-opened your eyes you could have sworn that for a split second, Dean’s eyes had flicked to black. But when you looked again, they were the same dazzling green they originally were. Maybe you were starting to reach your peak a little, but you never left a drink unfinished. 

As you sipped your long island iced tea, Dean held the conversation with you, while Sam appeared to be the quieter one. He just sat there watching you, occasionally his eyes flickering to your drink, checking how much you had left. As you sucked the last drop down, you certainly felt a little woozy, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

“I think that’s me done,” you slurred, a hiccup emphasising the end of your sentence.

Dean rose from his seat, placing his hand firmly on the small of your back. “What do you say we get out of here, then? I’ve got a motel room a couple of blocks down.”

“Mhmm,” was all you could manage as he guided you out of the busy club.

When Dean led you inside the motel room, you were a little surprised to see the still-silent Sam follow you both into the room. You’d assumed he was bored from the lack of any contribution to yours and Dean’s conversations, but figured he was just the quiet, broody type. “Mm, two handsome men all to myself?” You giggled, losing your balance and falling onto your butt on the bed. “Lucky me.”

Dean approached you, a dark chuckle grumbling in his throat. “Lucky you indeed. And lucky us for finding our plaything for the night.” His fingers wrapped around your jaw as he leaned down for a bruising kiss, pushing you backwards to lay you flat on the bed. “Are you going to be a good little slut for me and my brother?”

You’d had your drunken hook-ups before, but nothing like this. Never a threesome. But you’d be lying if you’d said it hadn’t been a fantasy for some time now. And to have the opportunity with two drop-dead gorgeous men? 

“Yes, Sir,” you purred, accentuating the title. The corner of Dean’s lips tugged into a coy grin. His free hand slid down to your thighs, groping them before yanking your dress up and exposing your lacy black thong.

“Well, look what we have here, Sammy,” Dean boasted, licking his lips as his fingers shoved the fabric aside and rubbed your wet folds. “She’s already so wet for us.” You mewled in response to his touch, slowly grinding your hips to create some movement.

You heard Sam grumble from the other side of the room, out of view. “Hurry up, Dean, you know foreplay bores me.” 

Dean gripped your thighs and pushed you up the bed until your head was hanging off the other side. “Well there’s a perfectly good mouth there to keep you entertained while I have my fun.”

You squealed as you felt Dean’s fingers return to your cunt, this time pushing past your entrance. You heard Sam’s footsteps first as he rounded the bed, coming into view. He still maintained that cold, dark look in his eyes as he stared down at you. Shoving his jeans and boxers down, you felt a shiver of fear and excitement at the length that sprung free from its confinement. He was longer than anyone you’d been with and you were anxious as to whether you could take him.

Your internal debate was cut short as Dean rammed three fingers knuckle-deep inside you. The scream that escaped you gave Sam the perfect opportunity to thrust his length into your mouth and down your throat.

“You’ll want to focus for this, sweetheart,” Dean hummed as he twisted his fingers inside you, making you squirm. “My brother has a tendency to break the toys that bore him.” As if to prove his point, Sam began thrusting down your throat, as Dean’s hand tightened around your neck, holding you in place.

“Thankfully this bitch’s mouth has a better use than drunken babbling,” Sam sneered, watching you through calculating eyes. The way he looked at you ignited a masochistic pleasure inside you. You knew you had a degradation kink, you had even convinced an ex to try to dominate you in the bedroom, but he wasn’t a natural dominant so it just didn’t give you what you needed. This, however. You could see in Sam’s eyes that he didn’t give a shit about you. And you loved it. Your mind swimming with the alcohol, you let Sam continue to abuse your throat. 

Dean seemed to notice you weren’t attempting to struggle so eventually released your neck, focusing on pummelling his digits into you, making you moan crudely on his brother’s cock. It was when he wrapped his lips around your clit that you really lost it, your body bucking and writhing like you were possessed. Your screams muffled around Sam’s large member as the orgasm hit you like a freight train. But as soon as you began to cum, Dean’s fingers left you, grinding your orgasm to a cold and abrupt halt.

“Oh dear, sweetheart,” Dean tutted, grabbing your throat as Sam ripped his cock out of your mouth. The green-eyed man pulled you up by the neck until you were face-to-face with him, his nose with millimetres from yours. “Did you ask for permission to cum, you little slut?” You sucked your bottom lip between your teeth, trying to make your eyes focus on Dean, but right now you were seeing duplicates of him as your vision blurred. A shake of the head was the best you could manage. Dean gripped your waist with one hand and flipped you over so that you were laying on your belly on the bed. He grabbed your wrists and pinned them together behind your back. “Perhaps I need to explain your role here, little one,” he whispered into your ear with a dangerous edge. “You are here for our pleasure alone. We will use you as we please and you will be grateful for it. If you behave yourself, and if we don’t grow tired of you, we’ll consider rewarding you.” 

You felt the harsh burn of rope wrapping around your wrists, hearing Sam scoff at the same time. “Speak for yourself,” he grunted, fisting your hair and dragging your face towards his cock again. “I’m just here to get my dick wet.” When you didn’t take the cue to open your mouth, Sam pinched your nose until you inhaled in a panic, and at that point drove his member back past your lips.

Dean chuckled. “That’s true. Sammy here isn’t quite as concerned about rewarding good behaviour. That’s just my thing, I guess.” As he spoke, you felt his fingers skim passed your wet flesh again, making you squirm. “But trust me, it’ll be in your favour to make sure you give both of us a good time, sweetheart.” A sharp spank collided with your ass-cheek then, making you moan onto Sam’s cock. Sam fisted your hair tighter, pulling your face flush into his crotch, forcing his cock painfully deep down your throat.

“Hm look at these two pretty holes here,” Dean’s sing-song voice echoed through your brain. Using your pussy juices, Dean lubricated your asshole, teasing your puckered entrance. Still held in place on Sam’s cock, you were starting to lose oxygen. “Where to start, hm?” You felt the nudge of his thick cock at your slit, which he then alternated between your two holes, not quite pushing in. White spots began to appear in your vision. “Eenie, meenie, minie...” Sam released your hair, sending you reeling backwards just as Dean thrusted himself into your asshole, fully seating himself. “Mo.” A cracked scream fell from your lips as your upper body crumbled onto the bed. Dean grabbed the rope binding your wrists together and yanked you up to your knees.

Sam stood back with a cruel smile, fisting his huge erection as he watched his brother rail into you. He leaned forward then, gripping your jaw with his free hand and making you look at him. “Do you whore yourself out to every man that buys you drinks?” Unable to shake your head, you could only grunt in response. “I do love a nice tight pussy to ruin.” Sam rounded the bed, standing beside Dean and gesturing for him to make space. Dean wrapped one arm around your waist, the other around your chest, and with ease lifted you off the bed, pulling you flush against his body and causing his cock to sink deep into your tight ass. You let out a whimper from the sheer force that you were being stretched. Sam took a seat on the edge of the bed in front of you, grabbing your thighs and pulled you towards him until the tip of his cock was nestled into your slit. 

Fear momentarily rose within you in anticipation, but before you had a chance to act upon it, Dean pushed you down. A pained cry escaped you as your walls stretched around Sam’s enormous length, splitting you open as both of your holes were stuffed by the brothers. The pain almost became too much until pleasure edged its way through your body. Sam lay back onto the bed, holding himself up on his elbows, and in delicious synchronisation the two brothers pumped into you at an exhilarating pace.

Your mind was beyond comprehension by this point. Between the alcohol and the adrenaline, you felt yourself going limp between the two men. 

“I think we’re losing her, Dean,” Sam muttered, though his voice lacked any sympathy. He pulled at your nipples, tweaking them painfully and making you cry out. The sudden sensation made your walls contract around the brothers, earning a delighted groan from both of them. “Fuck, just when I thought she couldn’t get any tighter.” Relishing in his new trick, Sam played with your nipples endlessly, and just as he was beginning to lose a reaction from you, he replaced his fingers with his mouth, pinching your supple flesh with his teeth.

You could feel your body raging towards a climax. “Please,” you gasped. “Can I cum?”

Dean’s teeth grazed your earlobe from behind. “Hm, what do you think, Sam?” He mused. “Has our little whore earned it yet?”

Sam grunted as he continued to buck up into you at a relentless pace. Then a cruel smile crept onto his face. “I have an idea,” he said slowly, purposely drawing out his answer. You cried out restlessly, desperately trying to hold back your orgasm. “For every time she cums tonight, that’s how many times she has to make us cum until she can leave this room. Each.”

Dean hummed in your ear. “Creative, Sammy, I like it. What do you think, Y/N? You’ve heard your terms - if you agree to them, you can cum now.”

Whether you agreed or not was irrelevant - you couldn’t keep control any longer. You screamed as your body spasmed between the brothers, bucking and writhing at the pleasure.

You woke up in the morning groggy and with a pounding headache. Your wrists stung from rope burns, your nipples felt raw and your holes ached from the abuse of last night.

“Ah, she’s awake!” Dean’s voice came from behind you. You turned over in the bed to face him and saw him slouched in a chair next to you. He clasped his hands together and leaned forwards. “I was worried for a moment we’d need to find a new toy,” he said in mock-sympathy. “That you wouldn’t be able to hold up your end of last night’s bargain.”

It took you a moment to filter through the blurry memories and remember the agreement you’d made. As soon as you did, your eyes widened - you felt so rough, so raw, so completely spent. “H-how many times did I...” Your voice was so hoarse that you couldn’t finish your sentence. 

“Five, sweetheart,” Dean said with a cold smile. “That’s five times you need to return the favour to both me and Sam. You’re not leaving this room until you’ve paid your dues.” His eyes flickered up and suddenly you felt the bed dip behind you and rough hands grab your waist. “And it looks like Sammy is ready to collect.”

Dean tags: @akshi8278​, @maniacproffesor​

Divider credit: @firefly-graphics