#and yeah jason is angry with him about hiding everything and basically lying to him but bruce also did like everything he asked

[superbat-lmao]

When Batman “abducts” Jason, he offers him a deal. Since Jason is concerned about staying with Bruce Wayne, and to show that he’s not abandoning the child to be trafficked, he agrees to a “wellness check” once a week, for an hour.

Anything that Bruce Wayne does that makes Jason uncomfortable, he can report to Batman. And if he does any of the things Jason’s worried about, Batman gives him a panic button.

At the first welfare visit, Batman asks about how Jason is acclimating to the manor.

It takes a lot of prodding for Jason to admit that he wants a lock on his door and that he likes Alfred. That he can’t tell what Bruce is thinking a lot of the time and he doesn’t like the ominous silences.

What’s truly crazy, is that after the meeting, Alfred asks him to help install a lock on his door that only works from the inside. And the next day, when he sees Bruce at breakfast, the man starts recounting some of his day at work, regardless of if Jason joins in. He lays out his plans for the day and his reasoning. Just, talks about innocuous things.

He asks Batman what he shared with Bruce at the next meeting. Batman tells him that he spoke with Alfred about the lock but with Bruce about voicing his thoughts more. He asks if it helped.

Jason says yes, but he’s confused as to why Bruce would want to change at all. Or why Batman told him about those sorts of things. After all, they weren’t that big of a deal.

And Batman tries to explain that Jason shouldn’t be uncomfortable. That his goal is to make sure he’s not just safe, but happy.

Slowly, over the course of a few months, Jason opens up to Batman about different things. Everything he confesses is fixed, whether it be people he knew on the streets being arrested or helped out or even just small things about Bruce, like how he doesn’t make any noise when he walks and keeps startling him.

Jason feels himself relaxing around Batman of all people. He even looks forward to their weekly welfare checks so he can ask about the people he knew in Crime Alley.

He’s also making progress on the Alfred front since he’s allowing him to wash his own dishes and teaching him to cook.

But Bruce remains a problem.

He doesn’t know what it is. He’s really trying to trust the guy, he’s done everything Jason has asked of him through Batman. Everything, no matter how stupid Jason felt asking for it.

So he asks Batman what’s wrong with him. He tells him he wants to like Bruce, he really does, there’s nothing wrong with the guy. Batman was right. He’s just some awkward lonely dude in a giant house. So why won’t his mind let Jason trust him?

Batman tells him that trauma doesn’t work like that. That Jason may never fully trust Bruce, and that isn’t either of their faults. He’s trying, and that’s more than enough.

It all comes to a head when Alfred takes Jason shopping and their errands run pretty long. Jason just needs so much stuff, apparently.

It’s just starting to get dark out and he’s helping Alfred with the shopping by putting the cart away while he closes the trunk when he feels hands around his mouth.

He bites down as hard as he can against the gloves but it doesn’t help. There are two men and he can hear Alfred calling him, but he’s suddenly in another vehicle and he’s having trouble breathing.

He feels along the inside of his hoodie for his panic button and presses it.

There’s a lot of jeering and talk amongst his kidnappers, they’re excited for a payday. And Jason was easy pickings.

The ransom is a video where Jason is wearing a gag and told to briefly look into the camera while people talk over him, making threats and demands.

He knows something is wrong when all the lights go out in the room. He feels hands around him and starts to kick out until he’s face to face with a shadow he’s seen before. Batman is here for him.

Jason goes boneless in the hold and Batman gets him outside.

No one realized one of the kidnappers had made it onto the roof. Batman takes one bullet in the shoulder before they’re both in the Batmobile. Jason is crying and holding gauze to the hole in the armor while Batman talks softly and assures him he’s fine. Jason has no clue how the car gets them away but he’s thankful he doesn’t have to figure out what to do except put pressure on the wound.

When the doors to the batmobile open, Alfred is there and hauling them into what looks like a chrome emergency room. There are medical cots and equipment everywhere.

Alfred start pulling away the armor and Jason sits in shock as the cowl is removed and Batman sits before him as Bruce Wayne.

He’s gently shooed out of the medical section and sits down on what appears to be training mats. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Alfred comes to fetch him and Bruce is no longer in danger from the bullet.

Bruce looks exhausted in the moment before he sees Jason and his expression clears entirely. Jason feels a numb sort of dread spill over him as he realizes the implications of what he’s seeing. All of the things he’d admitted. All of the things Bruce had done for him. That if the bullet had struck somewhere else he’d be all alone.

He’s crying again and finally Bruce’s face changes into something that isn’t that awful blankness. He looks like he’s in pain but he reaches his arm out towards Jason anyway.

And Jason practically folds into him, crying into the bandages Alfred had wrapped around Bruce.

Bruce is whispering things into his hair. Gentle things. Kind things. Reassurances and asking if Jason is okay, because he was the one who was kidnapped, the one who had been snatched from a parking lot.

But Jason can’t process it, any of it. So he stays there, crying into Bruce’s uninjured shoulder until he’s scooped up into the medical cot to cry into his chest too.

There will have to be several long conversations about everything that had happened, but they would have to wait until tomorrow.

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5 (sold separately)

[thr-333]

Mismatch- Part 7

Bio Dad Bruce Wayne Month 2020

A nice family dinner, not that anyone needs to know that (:

First< Previous> Next

----

“I got the feeling this would happen,” Marion shakes his head, looking at Marinette and Damian, both trying to explain how they ended up fighting.

“And yet you didn’t stop it,” Jason was smirking at the adults. Both looked exhausted, probably from listening to Tom for the past hour or so.

“Me? You encouraged them,” Marion scowls at Jason.

“How?” He was already looking down at him, smirking.

“Really?” Marion raises his brow, the two falling into a staring contest.

“If I hadn't they’d also be getting Alfred’s ‘not angry just disappointed speech’,” Jason relents, looking away from Marion, who was silently gloating his victory.

“Oh, Damian told me about that one,” Marion looks over at Damian as he was arguing with Bruce.

“I still can’t believe Demon spawn was willingly talking with you,” Jason muses.

��Rude,” Marion scoffs, trying not to smile as Jason whips around with a panicked look.

“What?- ah no - I meant-”

“I know,” Marion breaks down in giggles.

“You-”

“This garden is beautiful,” Marion cuts him off, Jason huffs and turns away, “Also Mr Wayne is glaring at you,”

“Let’s go,” Jason spins around and hastily walking into the garden. Marion laughs, jogging to catch up.

“That got you moving,” Marion teases as they walk behind a hedge to hide.

“I am not about to get lectured for Demon-spawns decisions,” Jason snarls, glaring back at where they came from.

“Been meaning to ask about that nickname,” Marion tries to lighten his mood.

“It’s accurate isn’t it?” Jason smirks slightly but Marion can still see the anger behind it.

“He doesn't seem that bad,” Marion mutters, making Jason scoff.

“Trust me, that's the best mood I’ve ever seen him in,” Marion can’t tell if he’s telling the truth or not, but he seems to be relaxing.

“Maybe he just doesn't like you,” Marion teases, before realising with horror just how rude it sounded.

“Oh he definitely doesn't,” Jason snorts, Marion tries not to feel uncomfortable as he seems to cheer up.

“I’m sure he does deep down,” Marion can’t help but to try and fix the situation.

“You can only go so deep,” Jason says, with too much bitterness to be humorous.

“Please, I somehow doubt that anyone has to reach very deep to like you, I don't, you seem nice,” Marion misses Jason's shocked look, instead noticing some nearby flowers, “These are gorgeous,”

“Alfred tends to them, none of us are allowed to touch them,” Jason murmurs quietly, as Marion lightly touches the petals.

“Sorry!” Marion jumps back as if the petals burnt him.

“No you’ll be fine,” Jason chuckles, “We were only ban after the incident,”

“The incident?” Marion still doesn't risk touching the flowers. He’s literally holding the miraculous of destruction. “Sounds ominous,”

“There was a flamethrower involved and that's all I’m telling you,” Jason says definitively, walking away from the flower bed.

“Oh come, you have to tell me now,” Marion stands, bouncing to catch up to him.

“Nope,” Jason keeps his eyes forward.

“Please,” Marion comes forward to walk backwards in front of him, giving him the babydoll eyes.

“Not happening, so stop it with those eyes,” Jason looks away, so Marion turns around and falls back into step with him.

“Never,” Marion stops anyway, not wanting to ruin the light mood by making him irritated again.

They keep walking through the garden, in comfortable silence. Marion starts to hum a tune as he looks around at the foliage. He doesn't notice Jason's eyes are on him, not the scenery.

“Can we stop here for just a minute,” He gestures at a bench, “I need to write this down,”

“Sure,” Jason sits down, Marion sitting next to him, bringing out his notebook to jot down some musical notes and lyric ideas as they came.

“So you write music?” Jason asks, after Marion slows down his rapid pace for a more leisurely one.

“Yeah I sing a little too,” He answers, still mostly distracted but not minding the conversation.

“Written any songs?” Jason already knows the answer as he had been watching Marion do just that.

Marion wanted to laugh. He had albums full of songs that were listened to worldwide, but he couldn't share that. Instead he decided to tell him about before he became MCD.

“My friend Luka and I used to make some together,” They still technically did as Luka worked with him as MCD, not that Luka knew it was him.

“Used to?” Jason repeats.

“Yeah, things got awkward,” Marion pauses, looking up from his book, “You want to hear about the worst love square in history?”

“A love square?” Jason looks puzzled and amused.

“Don’t laugh, it’s possible,” Marion defends, closing his book.

“I think I’m going to need to hear this story to believe it,” Jason turns towards him.

“Alright, Lukas sister Juleka is in our class, that's how Marinette and I met him,” Marion puts his notebook away,  “Nette had-has a crush on… someone else, but Luka liked her,”

“Right,” Jason nods along, as Marion faces him.

“But I liked Luka,” Marion looks away and tries not to blush at the admission. He didn’t any more but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t embarrassing.

“Is he good looking?” Jason teases, leaning into his field of vision.

“Not the point, but yes,” Marion turns back, matching Jason's smirk with a flat look. “The thing is Juleka liked me,”

“And let me guess the ‘someone else’ that Marinette likes is Juleka?” Jason says, getting in on the love square insanity.

“No, but that would bring everything full circle wouldn’t it?” Marion hums contemplatively, “Anyway, I was the first to confess, ending in a very awkward conversation where everything was brought out into the open,”

“Sounds like a pain,” Jason declares with a sympathetic look.

“Yep, after that things got pretty weird, we didn’t have to see Luka much but Juleka is still in our class, she tends to avoid us,” Marion gives a thoughtful frown. Thinking about how it basically sent Juleka to Lila with a wrapper and bow.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Jason says softly, breaking Marion out of his daydream, “People drift apart,”

Marion smiles, pretending not to notice the bitter edge to Jason's voice. He changes the topic to Jason's hobbies, the two striking up a conversation about books they both enjoy. The two keep chatting until Alfred appears out of thin air, making Marion jump.

“Dinner is about to be served, I advise you make your way to the dining room,” Alfred tells them before swiftly leaving.

“Witchcraft,” Marion mutters, making Jason laugh.

“Let’s go, trust me you don’t want to miss Alfred's cooking,” Jason leads Marion back to the manor, keeping up their conversation. They reach the dining room to find everyone, including Dick and Tim at the table.

“Where have you two been?” Aunt Selina grins, as they take their seats, Marion next to Marinette, Jason sitting on his other side.

“The gardens, they’re beautiful Alfred,” Marion tells the man, as he places dishes on the table.

“I’m flattered you think so,” Alfred, not the cat, says.

“Noticed you conveniently disappeared,” Marinette whisper-hisses to him. “I get lectured, you get lectured, it’s all about balance,”

“I’ve been lectured enough today,” He whispers back, then even quieter, “Also I don’t think that's what Tikki meant,”

“Pretty sure it is,” Marinette mutters as the last dish is set down and they are told to begin.

Tim and Jason immediately start to fight. Stealing food from each other as the other is about to grab it, only for Damian to steal it from them both. Bruce ignores them only sending a warning glare that the three either didn’t see or chose to ignore.

“I am so sorry about them,” Dick apologies, trying and failing to subtly stop them.

“Hmmm?” Marion hums, swooping in to steal a piece of meat Jason had been about to claim.  

Jason looks shocked at Marion's teasing smirk. It was probably rude, but hey so was stealing food, Marion went straight for a bite without breaking eye contact. That was apparently a declaration of war as the four of them now started thwarting each other. Marion went for the cooked onions, which he hated, just to stop Damian from getting them. The death glare he got in return had no place at a family dinner.

“I’m so sorry about him,” Marinette parrots Dicks words, completely embarrassed.

Dick didn’t seem to mind so much now anyway, watching their antics with fondness. Bruce had even stopped glaring, instead focusing on trying to keep his amusement off his face. Marion pulled the plate out of reach just as Damian and Tim both went for it. Marinette decides to ignore him. She doesn't attempt to join the fray and instead steals food off his plate. Marion pouts that she didn’t take any of the food he dislikes. Dinner continues like that. The four of them fight over food, taking bites in between, usually as taunts. Meanwhile Marinette had a civil conversation with Aunt Selina, Bruce and Dick.

They finished the meal, it being Alfred who put an end to their fighting by sending them back to the living room. Cat-fred was lying by the fire so Marion goes to sit on the floor near him, petting the purring cat. Damian comes to sit next to him on the floor, while everyone else sits on actual furniture. Marinette next to their Aunt on the couch.

“Marinette, Marion what do you for… fun,” Bruce asks, as if fun is a foreign word to him.

“... I like fashion,” Marinette tells him, once it was clear Marion wasn't going to be distracted from Cat-fred for anything.

“Do you know MDC?” Dick asks, with what Marion unfortunately recognises as fanboy gleam in his eye.

“Uh,” Marionette exchanges a glance with Marion. He looks over to their Aunt who just smiles smugly. “I’ve heard of her,”

Marinette replies bashfully, and Marion's evil twin tendencies kick in.

“Heard of her?” Marion exclaims with a fake disbelieving tone, ignoring Marinette trying to shush him, “She’s MDC’s biggest fan, she's memorised every one of her designs, theres posters and articles all over out room, she knows every event coming up and where it will be, attends all of them,”

Marinette glowers at him with outrage. Marion grins back, he wasn’t lying after all.

“Really? That’s great,” Dick, bless his heart, looks genuinely excited.

“Yeah,” Marintte agrees, still glaring at Marion, “But I don’t like MCD, guy seems like a jerk,”

“Thats where you’re wrong,” Jason snatches their attention, “He's a great guy,”

“I’ve got some pretty good evidence to suggest otherwise,” Marinette glances at him again. If it was meant to make him remorseful, it wasnt working.

“He’s an advocate for super heros, he visits children hospital and orphanages for free, has held numerous anti-bullying campaigns, among others, he donates most of his concerts proceeds to the local charities in the city they are held in, also provides work and recognition to new-

“Well, that isn’t all him, MDC is part of all that too,” Marion squeaks out, face completely flushed, probably to the confusion of every other man in the room.

“Yeah but so is he, so I don’t know how you can consider him ‘a jerk’,” Jason seems genuinely offended and Marion has to hide behind Cat-fred to hide his blush.

“Sorry,” Marinette smiles, not at all sorry, with a teasing edge, “Marion is his biggest and I just wanted to rile him up,”

“You are?” Dick asks, all eyes on him.

“No,” Marion pets Cat-fred, unwilling to meet the others' eyes.

“He knows every song, sings them all the time, and don’t get me started on the dances he's always practicing in our room, he goes to every concert, probably the closest to the stage you can be,” Marinette turns his earlier trick back on him.

“Are you going to the concert in Gotham?” Tim breaks Marion's attention away from Marinette's smug grin.

“Yeah we are, it was Marinete's idea, why she insisted on doing the class trip,” Marion throws in.

“That's not true,” Marinette snaps.

This starts a too long conversation, lead by Dick, about why MDC and MCD are worth the trip. The twins have to spend the next, what felt like an eternity, talking about themselves. Their Aunt seems highly entertained watching them blush whenever a compliment was paid. Marinette tries to ask her to help them out by tapping morse code onto her hand. She finally gives into her pleading and tells them they need to get back to the hotel and rest.

“You two are welcome to stay here, I can make the arrangements,” Bruce offers, walking them out to the car.

“Oh, no that's fine thank you,” Marinette blushes, “We should probably stay with the class,”

“Which we have to thank you for as well,” Marion adds, Marinette looks mortified that she forgot to thank him earlier.

“That’s not necessary, I didn’t play any part in the selection process,” Bruce tells them before Marinette can start apologising, “Although I am certainly glad it was your class who was selected,”

“So are we,” Marinette smiles as they reach the car, “Thank you for tonight, dinner was lovely,”

“It was nice having you,” Bruce watches as they climb into the car, Selina taking the wheel, “Make sure you get some rest,”

“Thank you, we will,” Marinette says through the window. Both knowing perfectly well that was a lie.

They are sent off with a wave and watch as the Mansion travels out of sight.

“Thanks for all the help tonight,” Marion leans forward from the back seat.

“What can I say, it was funny,” Selina laughs, Marinette next to her in the front seat.

“It was embarrassing,” Marion groans, still a blushing mess.

“As if no ones ever talked about you in front of you,” Selina drives along quickly, probably faster than the speed limit would like.

“They have,” Marinette agrees, also blushing, “But that was-”

“So much worse,” Marion hides his face in his hands, peeking through his fingers.

“Worse? Or better?” Selina gives him a sly look from the mirror, “Those boys are big fans of yours, especially Jason,”

“Stooop, I’ve had enough teasing today,” Marion flops across the back seat.

“About what?” Marion realises it was a mistake, letting his Aunt in on gossip.

“Nothing,” Marinette’s tone suggest it was definitely not nothing, “Just ran into his crush for the first time today,”

“Why do you feel the need to hurt me this way,” Marion laments dramatically, making their Aunt laugh.

“Who is it,” She asks Marinette, ignoring him.

“What's the worst way to meet someone?” Marinette asks instead.

“I’d say- wait… Red Hood?” She turns back to him, looking away from the road, much to Marinette’s alarm.

Marion pulls his hood up and over his eyes with a nod. She bursts out laughing.

“Oh of all the-” She shakes her head looking back to the road, “Don’t worry kitten, that's definitely not the worst way to meet someone- I’d know,”

“Not even if you’re wearing his outfit?” Marion says miserably, glaring more than staring out the window as buildings go by.

“Trust me, not the worst thing you could be wearing,” She reaches back to give him a comforting pat on the shoulder, “Is this why you stepped in today?”

“No,” Marion frowns at her, once again, teasing tone, “It was just the right thing to do,”

“Hmmm, I feel it’s probably not the best example to agree with you,” She hums, turning a corner, “But, I’m glad your first instinct was to help people,”

“So-”

“And no, you can not bring that up next time you get in trouble,” She cuts Marinette off, pulling over in front of the hotel, “Now go straight upstairs and get some sleep,”

“Yes Auntie,” They both say mischievously, jumping out of the car leaving her with a suspicious glare.

They wave goodbye, planning to go straight to the roof. They don’t even get off the elevator before Marinette is giving Marion her scarf to turn inside out into a mask.

[batarella]

I Don’t Hate You - Part 15 (Jason Todd x Reader)

This is really heavy, folks. Please take note of the warnings. If you recently went through a horrible break-up and/or are sensitive to these kinds of topics, please be warned.

WORDS: 6661 WARNINGS: Heartbreak, Depression, Starvation, Smoking Relapse, Violence, Death

Masterlist

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

-----

April 23

This was exactly what he thought death would be. Someone like him, who fears it so much, who often goes out of his way to put his life in the kind of danger that renders his still ongoing life a sort of miracle, he always tried to envision what it would be like to cross the other side. Would it be just like being alive? Would you get to meet your loved ones and pass on to some heavenly afterlife? Would he be forgotten? Be nothing but plant compost and worm food for all eternity, yet still be aware of everything going around his rotting corpse?

Or, as he feared the most, would it just be a blank, empty state? A big black blob of nothingness? Is the end really the end? And does it mean he’ll be so consumed in an infinite black hole that eats up everything he’s ever stood to live for?

Because if it were that last one, he definitely was dead. Right now, lying soullessly against the headboard of his bed, legs on his torn-up mattress, eyes still locked onto the same, holed out wall across from him, this was death. This is an entirely new kind of emptiness.

It had been hours since he moved. It was already a good amount into the morning, and his room, or what was left of it, had been lifelessly staring back at him for all the hours he kept himself awake, staring, unmoving. There was practically no sign of a clear surface on the floor. Everything was either covered in broken glass, feathers from his pillows, books, debris, clothes. And the dust particles that had been floating around his room have been in plain sight since the sun started peeking through his broken window. He wasn’t bothered by the light spring cold, and the morning disgusted him.

But he didn’t even give it too much a thought. Emptiness was all there is. Nothing. Not a move. Not a word. He decided this, this darkness so blank that it consumes him, it was better than feeling any other shred of emotion there was. If he were to feel regret, or rage, or disgust, or plunge into that bottomless hole of self-hate and depression, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He knew, just as he knew himself, that all those emotions would come crashing down on him once again just like it did last night, and he didn’t have anything much left in his room to destroy to at least have an outlet for it. But he wanted it all to ball up, never mind what happens after. He just wanted to stop feeling entirely.

“Master Jason, you’re late for school-“

Alfred stopped his tracks the moment he peered into his room. He looked at Jason first, looking like an exhausted, miserable mess, then everything else around the room. Alfred might have that idea that whatever his room looked like, it was exactly the same going on in his head. Beyond any sort of repair. Silent. The awkward kind of peace that came out as the aftermath of an extremely destructive quake of the earth no one anticipated.

He heard the butler close the door. Minutes later, he came back and placed a tray of food on a part of his desk that wasn’t so destroyed. Jason didn’t give him a single glance. He let the hours pass. He let himself starve and reach the point of sleepless exhaustion that his eyes were too painful to even move. Every part of his body stung.

With the avoidance of feelings, it came with blocking out all his thoughts as well. He knew damn well that if any image of you resurfaced into his head, that any syllable out of your voice he’d hear, he’ll tear his own scalp out. So no, he didn’t think of you. He didn’t think of anything at all. He didn’t think about how hungry he was, or how cold he was, or how much he needed to sleep. He let it all happen. He made everything stop around him.

This, he was making time stop.

It was him refusing to let the days go on, to let the hours pass, to let life continue as if nothing happened at all. He wanted everything to just stop, give him the time to cope, if he ever does learn to cope, and make everything around him just as empty and silent as he was. And there was no way he’ll go to the window, stare out at the sun and let it mock him with its reluctance to what he wanted.

He let his food go stale, his body ache at the lack of movement, at the pain in his stomach lurching and twisting. He let everything go on just as he wanted it. And the dust particles, the only thing moving around in his room, he wanted them to stop. If it were raining, he’d want that to stop as well. He just wanted everything to be just as unmoving as he was.

The world was never going to do that. It’ll keep moving on. No one is going to care. Nothing in the earth’s forces will care about how he didn’t want his life to go on just yet. It will always move forward. Time will always move forward. And all this will end up being a memory someday.

You will just be a memory. When at one point, he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with you.

He closed his eyes, stopped another thought of you from surging in his head. No. Not yet.

When the sun fell, and his room plunged into darkness yet again, he heard three knocks outside his door.

Bruce. He could tell from how firm his knuckles were.

The lack of reaction must have sent Bruce away. He of all people would know how to leave someone alone when they needed it. At least he had that going.

Another hour later, Alfred came in to replace his food for the third time that day. He hadn’t touched even one of his meals.

Everyone went on with their lives. Bruce. Alfred. The sun. The earth. And when he took in the darkness once again, he knew life was still going on, days continued to pass. There was nothing he could do to make it all halt. It was just him, refusing to let things go.

The more his hunger worsened, his eyes hurting, his body in immense pain, not even his body was willing to pause for him. It was him against everything else. And what was he to do? Fight it?

He couldn’t fight this.

With the heaviest heart, Jason closed his eyes, and he fell asleep.

-----

April 24

He woke up after sleeping practically half the day.

And the emptiness had left. Despite his futile efforts. It had left sometime he was asleep. He couldn’t remember the nightmares he had, but his mattress was soaked with his tears and his chest was in immense pain, and it was shooting out to his limbs. His head was basically a rock he had to lunge around. Another meal was waiting for him at the table. And he still hadn’t eaten in two days. Everything around him hurt. His head, his chest, his stomach.

You, your face, everything about you, more than a year’s worth of memories, it all came to him. He no longer had the strength to enjoy the emptiness, to pretend any thoughts of you weren’t there at all. And now, he’d come to the point of exhaustion where he couldn’t hold back even just the thought of how you once snorted out a piece of your food one time when you had lunch together. He couldn’t stop the images of you laughing uncontrollably in bed when he wouldn’t stop tickling your stomach. Fuck, even just the way you scrunched up your nose, he couldn’t hold it back. they were far too strong, far stronger than he was now. Nothing stopped them.

And his sobs were inevitable. By then, the hours passed when he barely had any type of strength to stop the tears. A lifetime’s worth, most probably, because he couldn’t stop feeling you, seeing you. His mind wanted desperately to punish him for thinking he could possibly stop all this. He could still ignore the hunger, the dehydration, all the pain around his body. Because you, you, this was you trying to punish him for desperately trying to push you into the deepest black holes in his mind where you’d never be able to resurface.

You, placing your arms from behind him that time he thought he wanted to be alone, when in fact just the feel of you, your nose against the nape of his neck, it made everything so infinitely better.

“Your neck smells nice,” you said to him. His once tense muscles softened when he felt you breathe against his skin.

“Stop sniffing me.”

“No.”

You, rubbing your noses together in bed when you did nothing all night but hide under your blankets, turn on the flashlight on your phone and tell the most ridiculous stories until the sun came up.

“You remember those lights that make your room look like space?”

“Yeah?” you thumbed his chin. It was stuffy under the blankets but you hadn’t stopped laughing.

“Imagine that, but under a blanket fort bigger than this.”

“Make that blanket fort for me, Todd. I swear to God, I’ll marry you.”

Jason’s heart jumped, then he grinned so widely at that thought, turning off the flashlight and pulling you to his lips.

You, when you’d playfully wrestle him on the floor and he always ended up winning, pinning you against the ground, tasting the smile on your lips and letting your laughs vibrate through his mouth.

“Jay, will you let me win, for once?”

“No,” he kissed you again, still holding your hands at the sides of your head. Your lips were so soft, and his hand let go of yours and started wandering down to your bra.

You, with your voice. Your beautiful voice, just one of the reasons he fell in love with you so deeply, when he’d ask that you sing to him in your spontaneous car rides and he’d open up the window so everyone could see how unbelievably beautiful you were.

“If we never learn, we been here before

Why are we always stuck and running from

The bullets?

The bullets”

Jason had to keep his eyes on the road. He was staring at you way too much. He lowered the car window and you sang even louder. People gave you weird looks, but as long as they saw how beautiful his girlfriend was, nothing mattered.

You, when you got so angry at someone that he’d pull you to the side, hold your shoulders, rub them down with his palms and try to talk you out of it.

“Okay. That’s a time out,” he pulled you aside and let you sit on the stairs. You clenched your jaw, glaring at that person too stupid to cross your way, but you looked up at him and your face softened.

“Fine.”

You sat down, and he sat down with you. He placed his head on your shoulder and held your hand.

You, lying with him naked in bed and letting every inch of your flushed skin stick right up against his. His hands all over you, him moving inside you. Hearing your wonderful cries and moans.

You shivered, holding onto his hair, and he watched your face as you came apart. He could feel your high against him, and fuck, was it the most beautiful thing.

You fell asleep almost instantaneously, and he had you wrapped around his arms.

This. This was him torturing every part of himself for everything that went on. He let everything go through his mind like a fast-moving series of pictures. Every moment. Every single one that was in the back of his mind, some he didn’t even know he remembered, it all came to him so suddenly, like everything with you even before you were his, it was all there. In his head. He underestimated how much he cherished even the littlest things. He never thought he remembered this much about you.

But it was all here, coming to him at the worst time possible. And his cries, audibly sobbing into the mattress, everything hurt so much, nothing could possibly make this stop.

You. You. You. You will always be the best thing that ever happened to him, and the worst mistake of his life.

Because his mind was forcing down into his throat the fact that he was never going to relive all those memories ever again. None of them. Not with you. Not with anyone else.

A part of him he wanted to beat down to the ground looked up at his phone at the side table. The old one. Even with his strongest efforts, he ended up picking up the phone, turning it on.

Your name stared back at him, mocking him that he was always going to be this mindless pit of nothing too weak to do anything about it.

No. It was far too late.

The tears burst out of his eyes when he threw the phone to the other side of the room, shattering it into pieces. The tears never stopped, and once again, it was dark.

Another day passed. Everything was moving on. Except him.

-----

April 25

There were tears again. This time from the pain in his stomach.

It was twisting, pulling so much of his flesh that any move he made physically hurt. He clenched himself in the bed, doing everything he could to suppress the pain. But nothing worked. He buried his face into the sheets and cried. He never once cried from physical pain. And now, without an ounce of strength left in his body, almost everything around him made him bawl his eyes out.

It was probably noon now, because Alfred walked in, holding a new tray of food.

He took one look at Jason and sighed.

“Master Jason, you have to eat.”

He grunted, his hands clutching his stomach. His lips were severely dried out and his skin was extremely pale. Slowly, he craned his head up at Alfred.

“Soup, toast, and eggs. Easy for digestion.”

He turned to the tray. He was so hungry he swore he’ll pass out if he refuses to eat again. His body needed twice the nutrition than the normal person.

“Also, Master Jason. Your school called this morning. You’ll have to come back to class eventually.

“No.”

First thing he’s said in three days.

Alfred bowed slightly at him, then left the room.

He kept staring at the food, calling out to him like it was gripping his chin and luring him in despite the otherwise bland aroma.

Fuck this.

Jason finally stood up from his bed, moved his legs as slightly as he can to hold back the pain, and walked over to where the food was. He smelled like shit, too. But he’ll have to be hauled up by the strongest man alive if they expected him to take a shower right now.

He didn’t take a seat. He didn’t lie on the floor. He stood on his feet, took the bread, took as little bites as he could, drank half the soup, and finished most of the eggs.

His stomach was clenching even more than before, and he leaned against the table, barely holding himself up at all. He was done. He wasn’t eating anymore. All this was hurting far too much.

Jason fell to the floor and he inched himself to lean against the wall.

You’d be disgusted at the sight of him, or laugh at just how much he’d destroyed himself after just three days. You and your endless supply of mean comments and catty remarks would beat up just about everything he still had going on inside him. Fuck, he hated you. He never hated someone so much in his life. He hated what you did to him, as if his life wasn’t already shitty enough. You and your fucking irritating shrieks just had to come in and ruin everything he actually had going on. He never should’ve met you, stayed away from you instead of taking your spice as something to be intrigued about. He should’ve continued to hate you as he initially did when you first met.

He shouldn’t have let it evolve into anything. He only should’ve hated you the past year.

Another knock on the door.

“Master Jason, I hope you don’t mind, I took the liberty of fixing your phone. All your data is in there. You’ll need it.”

Jason was right by the door, and the old man placed his phone on the table, nodded at him, then left.

It was the newer model, looking unscathed without a single crack on the screen.

He knew he shouldn’t.

Fuck, everything the past two days will be for nothing.

As if he made any kind of progress. He only ate so he wouldn’t die.

He shouldn’t.

But he really wanted to.

He took the phone, unlocked it, and his wallpaper already made him choke.

You and him on the bed, with you biting his cheek and him laughing, smiling at the camera. You wore his hoodie, one of the many hoodies you stole from him, and he had that little crinkle in his eyes that only ever showed up at times when he was truly happy.

He let the hate pull through. He let himself remember all the pain, the unnecessary fighting, all the things he’s always grown to get annoyed at-

Oh, who the fuck was he kidding. He couldn’t hate you even if he tried.

Your flaws were a part of you and it only made him love you more. Nothing irritated him. He could fight with you all day and he’ll do it again the next day. You never once made him wish he wasn’t at your side, never once did you push him to the point where he’d rather do anything else other than laugh and talk endlessly with you, didn’t matter what it was about. He can listen to your angry screams all day and still kiss you like nothing happened.

He scoffed at himself. Like he could succumb to all that in an attempt to forget about you.

He knew he shouldn’t do it. But the part that missed you terribly, the part that always admitted to still being hopelessly in love with you, pushed him to do it. He opened his photo albums.

The first photo was the most recent. When you went to explore an abandoned mansion about fifteen minutes away from Wayne Manor. An old neighbor of the Waynes that had to leave the house from bankruptcy.  It was just as large and grandeur, and you both ended up dancing around the old ballroom like goofs. The photo was of you when you were twirling around in a dark grey dress.

The next was of him when you took his phone and started spamming his albums of him asleep. His mouth was open wide, and he was drooling on the pillow. He remembered waking up and wrestling you down on the bed when you got caught.

He swiped more.

You eating across from him on a dinner date. From your birthday. He took you everywhere you wanted. And it lasted all throughout the night, taking you home when it was already morning. Your hair was beautiful, covering half your face when you bashfully looked down. Your lips were a deep red, and you looked gorgeous.

Another of you and him, when you went to the Christmas Market like you did on your first date. You wore a beanie, and he was completely covered up with his scarf. You took that selfie even with your shaking fingers and he remembered laughing when you dropped your own phone, taking a whole minute trying to pick it up from the ground from all the snow around.

Tears had long fell on the side of his face. His heart. Warming up the way it was supposed to be when he was happy. And he was smiling, staring at your face like you were the single more perfect thing in the world.

And you were.

Then he kept swiping, his finger stopping at a picture of you barely having anything on.

He choked on his breath. He knew what else he had saved. He saved copies into a specific album with a passcode locked specifically for nights when he wasn’t with you and was feeling particularly lonely and excited.

Gulping down, he swiped.

Fuck.

Your lips between your teeth.

Swipe.

Your tongue peeking out.

Swipe.

Your naked body on the bed.

Swipe.

Your ass bent over.

Swipe.

Your bare chest.

Swipe.

Your wet, needy p-

He had to fucking stop.

He turned his phone off, then stuffed his face into his hands.

All that. It was only ever going to exist in photos. It was all he’s ever going to have with you now. But your looks, it was just one thing about you he wanted to hold onto. The pictures can't give him the feel of your skin, your lips, your hair. It couldn’t give him your addicting scent when he inhaled into your head. It couldn’t speak out, tell him that you loved him.

And none of that was ever going to come back.

You weren’t coming back.

But, somehow, if the you he had in his arms just months ago were to tell him anything now, you’d tell him to get up, fix his bed. And tomorrow, he’ll get out of his room and go to school.

Jason, focusing on that voice of yours, stood up from the floor, then started to pick his sheets from the ground.

-----

April 26

Never in his three years at the manor did Bruce Wayne, his supposed father, drive him to school all the way down to the gates.

But Bruce must have either felt guilty for only sending Alfred into his room for three days instead of checking on him himself, or just wanted to make sure Jason actually went to class. Probably the latter.

“Call me if you need anything, Jason.”

He got out the car, sighed, and before he closed the door, he managed to nod at Bruce. “Thanks.”

He shut the door, then turned around.

The campus. The sun. The people.

Everything went on as it should. No one gave him a second glance. No one looked just as miserable as he was. This was the world’s way of telling him he really was alone in this, that nothing was ever going to stop for him even if he tried his hardest at stopping the hours from ticking by.

And it was all too bright. Too fast. People were walking at a noticeably faster pace expecting him to move along with them. People were smiling, laughing so hard it echoed throughout the driveway. Some were running, some reading while running. He saw couples hand in hand. He saw teachers walking by. Everything was just the way it was the last time he was here.

His chest started heaving. Everything was too much. And the thought of going into that school and possibly seeing you-

No. He wasn’t doing this. This was bullshit. All of it.

Jason turned the other way from the school, all the way down to a nearby alley at the back of the building. There was a dumpster there, and before he met you, he often went here on days when he wasn’t really feeling it.

He realized it had been almost two years since he last smoked.

Well, that streak ends now.

The darkness in the alleyway somehow gave him a strange, welcoming comfort. This was something he was more used to. And if it meant staying here for the rest of the day, go back to his sulking and sitting and staring into nothing at all the whole day, then so be it.

From a pocket in his bag, he pulled out his box of cigarettes and lighter. He placed one in his mouth, lit it up, then inhaled the deepest breath he could.

Jason leaned against the wall, looking straight up at the sky. Then he breathed out the smoke and watched it disperse into the clearer air. He closed his eyes. He let his lingering thoughts of you subside for just a moment. He let the smoke calm his nerves, calm his head. He let the light spring cold nip at his cheeks.

He finished a single stick in a few minutes, then he started pulling out another.

He still had the whole day here before he could go home. He could walk out of here, go into the city and hang out somewhere else where being caught didn’t mean immediate expulsion. But he knew firsthand that absolutely no one came into this part of the alley. No one who’d reprimand him, to be exact. A janitor caught him once or twice, and all he did was nod at him and be on his way.

This was all the way back when he didn’t have you to console him at his worst. When he didn’t have you. The him before you. And here he was, back to where he started.

Another stick down. He needed another one.

He breathed the smoke out his nostrils. And when he watched the smoke in the air, he could have sworn he saw your face somewhere like corrupted static. But days of endless tears had him run out, most probably for the next few hours. He expected to go back home and cry the whole night away. Fucking hell, this must have been years-worth of tears held back.

Just as he closed his eyes to let the smoke consume him, he heard a voice come in to the alleyway.

“Jason?”

“Shit.” He flinched, fumbling to throw his cigarette on the ground and cover it with his foot.

But it was just Penny.

He rolled his eyes. “What?”

“You're back in school.”

“Sure.”

“Won't you go to class?”

“No.”

He pulled out the last stick he had in his box and lit it up.

“Gonna rat me out now?”

“No. And don’t worry. I know how to keep secrets from faculty.”

Of course, she does. Penny was your friend. Half the shit she’s seen you do would’ve sent you to prison by now.

“The Vice Principal called all your friends to look for you. Even me.”

“Well, you found me. And there’s no way I’m letting you take me to Watson.”

“Actually.” Penny walked over to stand in front of him. “Vice Principal Watson quit her job. She had this whole speech about how much she wanted to help troubled people. The new Vice Principal wants you in his office.”

“I’m not going.”

She turned to the ground.

He wished Penny didn’t grow so silent. He knew there was so much pity behind it, and the last thing he wanted was for anyone to look down on him with pity. She rocked back and forth in her shoes, and with her sweet voice, she spoke.

“I heard what happened.”

Jason turned away from her and breathed out another cloud of smoke. He made sure she didn’t see the look in his eyes. Before he’d fall too weak to stop himself from crying again.

“You okay?”

He took the cigarette off his mouth, holding it between his fingers. “What does it look like?”

Penny sighed. “I’m really sorry-“

“Don’t. Just leave me alone.”

She looked down at her hands.

“You’re exactly like Y/N… You’re both so mean and bossy...”

He rolled his eyes again, shaking his head. He knew she was just trying to help. But the last thing he wanted was to talk to anyone. He might, someday. But right now, he really just wanted to be alone.

And at the mention of your name, he really, really needed to be alone.

“If it means anything, I lied about the Vice Principal asking me to look for you…”

He quirked up a brow. “The fuck you talking about?”

“Y/N asked me…”

He dropped the cigarette in his hand.

Knowing you, you definitely asked Penny to report if he was around. Knowing you, you’d rather sulk up in bed than to be in the same building as him right now.

“Don’t tell her. Please. She told me she’ll kill me if she knew I told you. But you just looked so sad and I-“

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

He cleared his throat, watching the clouds above just to keep himself from sinking in too much to his overtaking thoughts.

“I’ll go now. Take care, Jason.”

“Wait.”

He knew he shouldn’t. But he wanted to. He cared too much. Still, despite everything.

“How is she?”

Penny looked at the ground.

“Penny…”

“She told me not to talk to you.”

“Just tell me-“

“She’ll kill me.”

“Just don’t tell her. You’re worried about her, too.”

“I am…”

Penny looked around. No one was around them. She bit her lips and started fiddling with her yellow sundress.

“She hasn’t come to class. She barely eats. She won't talk to anyone, not even her mom. She locks herself in her room and she still hasn’t come out. It’s really bad, Jason. Just this morning, she texted how you were.”

He bit his lips.

Maybe you asked because you wanted to know if he was okay, not just so you could stay away.

He didn’t know what to think. You were unpredictable that way.

And of course, you dealt with this exactly the same way he did. And it worried him. A lot.

“You can tell her I’m not around.”

She shrieked, her feet trembling on the ground. “I can't lie to her again.”

“Fine. Tell her whatever you want.”

Penny nodded. “I will!”

Jason sighed and looked out into the wide open plane next to the school. The grass was green now, unlike that beautiful autumn brown when you and him were standing nearby, hugging after he gave you that Edgar Allan Poe book.

“I hope you’ll do okay, Jason.”

Penny, little happy Penny, then gave him a hug, to which he didn’t return, then started to walk out the alley.

“Penny…”

He was glad they got to be friends overtime, otherwise this would have been too much to ask. Hell, anything would be too much to ask.

But he needed the assurance.

“Take care of her for me, will you?”

She smiled at him, nodded, then walked away.

----- April 27

He knew, deep in the last sane parts of his mind, that this was the worst idea.

For one, it was downright wrong and creepy. You’d murder him if you found out. Not that you probably would find out, but he still hadn’t figured out how you knew about him being Robin. He should be giving you more credit than he actually does. So yeah, this was a bad idea. You’ll never forgive him. Bruce and Alfred will look down on him. The whole world will hate him.

But he’s been meaning to check on you, not just from someone else’s words, but with his own eyes. He really needed to make sure you were okay. That you weren’t hurting yourself too much. And he knew you were hurting yourself. Just like he was. He couldn’t bare the thought of you suffering. Despite it all, despite everything, he loved you all the way to the ends of the farthest stars. The last thing he wanted was for you to never get back on your feet.

And from what he was about to do, what he planned on doing right after this, he was sure seeing your face just one last time would give him some kind of closure.

So he had to do this. For himself. Just once.

Hoodie over his head, hands stuck to his pockets, Jason climbed up the fire escape on the building across your apartment and crouched over the rooftop ledge.

He peered over and found your room, the window wide open, and he could see inside. He could see you.

You…

Jason bit back his tears.

He was basically doing this to hurt himself. And seeing you like this, it was the kind of hurt he wouldn’t wish onto this worst enemies.

Your room looked just about as wrecked as his. Clothes, books, and other things all over the floor as well. Only your bed wasn’t completely destroyed. He could only see so much, but he could see enough.

You were asleep, lying on the bed without a blanket. You were crouched over, hugging yourself. Your eyebrows were furrowed and you were stuffing your face into a pillow. Your body looked limp and lifeless, but he could see your back slowly rising to your breaths. You looked cold.

And broken…

Even from standing so far, he could tell you were crying even in your sleep. He knew the details on your face enough, memorized them to the point where he could tell what you were thinking just from looking at you. And you looked hurt, so hurt to the point where it was hurting him back.

He felt tears incoming, and he closed his eyes, letting them seep through.

So desperately he wanted to climb to your room, pull your blanket over you and make sure you weren’t cold.

And, if the stars aligned, you’ll wake up, see him, hold him, kiss him, and this whole nightmare would be over.

But he hurt you too much…

He was going to hurt you again if he did that.

Eyes watching you so longingly for hours on end, Jason felt every bit of his heart break, even more than he thought it already had. His lips were trembling, eyes shaking, his hands were sweating off his palms. Every beat in his chest hurt. This was finishing up what was already so broken.

He wanted you to be okay, to live the life you deserved.

He wanted you to go to College of the Arts, be the most talented singer there was, the singer he knew you were, and blow everyone away with your incredible talent. He wanted you to be so successful that you’ll never once look back to how it was to be if he and you lasted. He wanted you to have that family you always wanted, grow to be so old you wouldn’t be able to walk, but still have enough sass in you to have the mind you had right now. He wanted you to be so happy that you’ll never have to remember him, wishing things were different.

He wanted everything for you…

Even if it meant it wouldn’t be with him…

So now, this is how he’s going to be. He’ll watch you from afar, take care of you in all the ways you didn’t know. You’ll hate him for that. And you’ll drive him away for sure. But this is the only way he’ll be able to cope. He’ll always be there. Watch you. Be far enough away to stay out of your life, but close enough to make sure that life was what you deserved.

It’ll hurt more than anything in the whole world, but eventually, you’re going to find someone else, someone to repair what he left so broken, and make you so happy that you’ll wish you never met him. He’ll have to watch you hold someone else’s hand, kiss their lips, hold them in your arms just as you did with him.

He’ll have to watch you marry someone else. Spend the rest of your life with them the way he always wanted with you.

And… as much as it stung, he wished that for you. He wanted that for you.

But he’ll be there for you. No matter what. He always will.

“I love you…”

He knew you’d never hear him, but he still wanted to say it while he was looking at you. And he pretended to hear it back from your sweet, perfect lips.

Jason looked away, wiped the last of his tears with his sleeves and focused on the ground before his heart would continue to break even more.

Now, he had something else to do.

Now, there was nothing holding him back.

Not Bruce. Not you.

Nothing was going to stop him now.

Jason pulled out a black domino mask from his pocket. He stared back into the white eyes, feeling it mold into his hand. It slowly started to rain, and the droplets started seeping through his clothes.

It wasn’t much about you as it was about him. And now, he might as well take advantage of this deep, angry hurt and bring something good out of it.

He’ll have to run away from home after this. He was sure of it. Bruce would never take him back in.

Not after he kills. Intentionally this time.

So, with all the strength he’d mustered up,

Jason put on the mask, took his hoodie and jeans off and let his cape flow from his shoulders to the ground.

Robin saw the light of the moon just one last time.

----

“Thirty-six…”

“Thirty-seven…”

“Thirty-eight…”

“Thirty-nine….”

“FORTY!!!”

His eyes were too swollen for him to see anything in front of him at this point.

“Sixty-two…”

A tooth fell out. That was the third one that night.

“Ninety-seven…”

Killing the clown. By himself. Who was he kidding?

“One hundred twenty-five…”

His laughter. His horrible, horrible voice.

The crowbar hit the side of his head and everything went black for the shortest moment.

“Don’t die on me just yet, boy wonder…”

His demonic, pale face, blood red mouth and dark eyes. The monster took him by the face, and Robin spat at him.

Another hit to the ribs. All of them would have been broken by now.

He coughed out blood and stayed as still as he could, drowning everything around him. But each time the crowbar snapped at his bones, he ended up tasting more of his blood.

Why can't he just die? Why isn’t his body giving out yet?

Almost two hundred hits, then Joker stopped.

“Well, I’m bored…” He threw the crowbar to the floor. “I have to give it to you, Robin, you pack quite the fight- HAHAHAHAHAHA!“

He no longer heard what he said. He just felt every bone in his body break and his breath being stopped by his own blood clogging his throat and nose.

He heard the door of the warehouse close shut.

Robin, shaking on the floor, looked up and around him.

His communicator. It was thrown just a few yards away.

He inched on the floor, so slowly that each movement he made broke yet another bone in his leg and arms. But he kept going. He kept his eyes on the tiny earpiece, his hands still tied together.

And when he got to it, he placed it on his head, flinching at the broken bones in his ear being pressed on.

“S-send coordinates to B-Batman…”

He laid on the floor, his ribs tearing at his flesh every time he breathed.

He was going to die.

A beeping sound.

He looked to his left.

A bomb.

His worst fears. Worse than he could ever have imagined.

He was going to die.

He was going to die.

He was going to die.

He swallowed, eyes on the painful white light in the ceiling.

“Record v-voice message to Y/N…”

He heard his communicator click.

The beeping, it was getting faster.

“Y/N…” he whispered.

“I-“

-----

I DON’T HATE YOU - MASTERLIST

------

everyartistwas-firstanamateur  @sarcasmismyfirstlove @damned-queen-of-gotham @idkmanicantenglish @wunderstell @birdy-bat-riya @get-loki@everyday-imfangirling @comic-nerd-dc @multifandoms916 @icequeen208@offendedfishnoises @egdolan @xemiefx @arkhamtoddler @elsenthal@mythicbitchx @supremehaunter @ burning-alive  @lucy-roo  roseangel013bf @ loxbbg  reclusive-chicken-nuggethttp-cherries shadowsndaisiesriver9noble zphilophobiazannoylinglyaries @knightfall05x @l-horizon11

[lifeofroos]

Part 31. Small reminder that you can still vote on the Solangelo awards 2021 on @solange-lol! 

In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, I finally wrote about Maria di Angelo. The rest of the story can be found on AO3 and FanFiction.net and in Tumblr tags like Nico di Angelo, Dionysus, therapy etc. 

This Might Be Crazy: Chapter 31: Milkywayy

I peered over at the counter, where some strange guy was standing. ‘I miss Mary.’

I looked at Dionysus, who slowly nodded. ‘Me too. Now I have to do my actual job.’ A mug with the word ‘Milkywayy’ on it appeared in front of me. ‘You requested this session. Do you want to talk about Persephone?’

‘No, she was very clear about what she expected and wanted. There is not a lot to be said aside from the fact that I really appreciate that. What is Milkywayy?’ Out of habit, I looked over at the counter, only to once again be hit with the reality that Mary was on maternity leave. 

‘I have no idea, but it sounded very special.’

Sure. I took a sip. It tasted very special as well.

I took a deep breath. ‘I requested this session because I want to talk about my mother. Maria di Angelo.’ 

His expression became more serious. ‘Alright. Do you have a starting point, or should I ask questions?’

‘I think I have a starting point.’

‘Okay. Begin when you want to.’ 

I waited a second before I started. ‘While I was talking to Persephone, I remembered that I don’t really have memories of my mother. I’ve got a few fleeting visions of her, from when I was little. A trip to the beach, one from when we were hiding somewhere in Italy, one where she comforted me after a nightmare, things like that. But all of those things don’t really tell me who she was. Those memories, that... eh, define her, are missing.’ 

‘What do you mean with ‘who she was?’’

‘What her perfume smelled like. How she walked. What made her happy and what made her angry. Basically, I don’t remember the things that made my mom my mom. My mom… a person.’ I shrugged. ‘It might be a weird thing to worry about…’

‘No… not at all. I know other people who don’t remember a parent who feel a similair way.’ Wait. Right. Semele. ‘Hm. Do you still feel grief about the loss of your mother?’

Ah, hitting me with the difficult questions. I took a sip of Milkywayy while I thought about it.

It took a few minutes to make up my mind. ‘I think I do grief about my mother. But more because of all the memories I am missing than because of the memories I have.’ I shrugged. ‘Most people grief based on the memories of a loved one. But… I don’t really have that. I miss...’ a lump raised in my throat. I swallowed.. ‘...I miss the memories I could have had. I miss… knowing what it is like to have someone...’ I began to cry. I didn’t finish the sentence. ‘So... I more grief the absense of memories,’ I sobbed. 

Dionysus did not answer. When I looked over, I saw that his eyes were damp as well. 

‘Eh… sorry if I made you think...’ I shrugged. 

Dionysus rubbed the tears away. ‘That is not important right now.’

I shrugged and took a deep breath. ‘It… I guess it is kind of comforting that I now know why I don’t have any memories.’ It hurt to think about it. Dionysus looked up. 

‘You don’t have to say it if it is too much right now.’

I stared at my mug. ‘But can I do it?’ Because it looks like it might be too much for you at the moment, instead of for me. 

He closed his eyes for a second, which seemed to stabilise him. ‘Yes.’ 

I nodded. ‘Apparently… Alecto dipped me into the Lethe,’ I muttered. ‘And I think that is something Hades asked her to do. Maybe it was the only way he could think of to protect us from trauma.’ I shrugged, while another tear ran down my cheek. ‘I don’t know if it is for better or for worse. I… I think I might have to talk to him about it.’ The thought of which made me sob again. 

Dionysus slowly nodded. ‘Nico, if you think it is safe to talk about that to your father, then you should do it. That will probably bring you further than talking to me will. Although I am very glad you said it.’

For a few seconds, we were silent, while I tried to re-organize my mind. I took a sip of Milkywayy. It made me feel a little calmer. 

‘Is it okay if I ask a difficult question?’ 

Kind of? ‘Uh… It’s okay.’ 

‘Have you ever tried to bring your mother back from the Underworld?’

Like someone else I know did, you mean? I could shake my head without lying. ‘No. I wanted to do that with Bianca, but not with mom. That… that is probably because…’ I shrugged. 

‘There doesn’t need to be a reason. Not right now. And Nico, I don’t think it is bad that you do not want to get her back. That probably means that you are already slightly further with processing your grief.’ 

I shrugged. ‘Maybe. I do know Bianca’s death, and Jasons’ death, hurt more.’ I looked at the table. ‘But… that feels wrong.’

‘Do you think your mothers’ death should make you feel worse?’ 

‘Yes? Maybe. I don’t know. Because… I mean, I don’t…’ I shrugged. ‘It’s difficult.’

‘Yes, Nico, it is difficult. But you don’t have to feel more grief than you feel. You miss her, that is clear. And that is enough. You don’t have to feel more than you do.’ 

I stayed quiet. Yes, it is easy when you just say it. 

‘It is easy when I just say it, isn’t it?’ 

I nodded. ‘I think you would know.’ Oh. ‘I didn’t mean to say that.’ 

He gave me a slightly angry look. ‘I’ll ignore it this time.’ He shook his hair over his shoulder. ‘Do you think it has been enough for this time? Maybe you need some time to think about everything?’

‘Yes, maybe it is.’ I wiped the remains of the tears out of my eyes, before I got up. 

I drank up my Milkywayy, expecting Dionysus to teleport us back to camp immediately after, but that did not happen. Instead, he made us walk out of the Denny’s, into the New York city night. 

I pulled my aviator jacket tighter around my shoulders. ‘Why…’

‘Zeus was unhappy that I kept coming to New York. Yet, if we walk like ten minutes, we’ll be in a zone where he never comes. He won’t noticed us teleporting.’ Sounds fair. 

Somehow, the night calmed me down. I heard sounds, and there were lights, and I was not alone. 

On our way to the zone, wherever it was, I saw a small cabinet standing in an alley. For a moment, I stopped walking.

‘Nico? What are you doing? It is dangerous to stop next to Alleyways.’

‘Yeah… yeah.’ I looked at the cabinet. There was an almost extinguished candle in it, which made a picture of a man visible, and a small banner reading ‘Rest in Peace.’ 

‘Nico!’ I lookd up and darted back to where he was standing. 

‘Yes. Sorry.’

‘That’s…’

‘There was a cabinet in that alleyway. I think it was meant as a memorial to someone’s friend. Or boyfriend. Doesn’t matter. I… I think it is a nice idea.’ I slid my hands into my pockets.

Dionysus looked at the ground. ‘Do you want to make something like that yourself? For... Bianca, or your mother?’

‘Well… maybe I do.’ 

‘I think it is a good idea.’ He shook his hair, which suddenly seemed longer, back over his shoulder. ‘Make a remembrance cabinet.’

‘Yes. It sounds like a healthy way of processing my grief.’ 

‘It does. Here. We are in the right zone,’ he said. I nodded, while we teleported back to camp Half-blood. 

A/N: So… In Greek mythology, Semele, Dionysus’ mother, died before the dude was even born. Some sources say that later, he retrieved her soul from the the Underworld like a champ (Same goes for Ariadne’s soul). But doing that might not be the best way to deal with grief. 

I feel like the Persephone chapter is better than this one. But also, This Was Difficult. 

There will be a few more things said about Maria? There will be a chapter were Nico is going to get the cabinet. Don’t expect too much, though. Or do I don’t control you. 

Btw I know Milkyway is a candy bar but I thought this was funny. Imagine the god of wine giving you bootleg chocolate milk.

[dobrikburrito]

Being david’s girlfriend and being super close to natalie and like hanging out with her. So when you and david break up its difficult but you still hangout and its like from natalies pov where she sees two of her best friends sad and like david asks natalie how his ex is doing and stuff so basically sad and angst lol

a/n: sorry about the delay guys, will start posting right now. ♥

___________________

“Oh my God, do you even hear yourself right now?!” You yelled at David in the living room. “You really don’t see what’s wrong here?”

David shook his head, rolling his eyes and sliding both his hands all over his face.

“It’s the same argument, over and over again.” David said out loud, throwing his hands up in the air. “What do you want me to say, (Y/N)?! For once in your life tell me what you want instead of playing games waiting for me to guess.”

You took one step back, shocked. “You’re a big boy, David. Just because everyone else does what you want and says what you wanna hear, doesn’t mean I need to.”

David growled in frustration. “You always find something wrong with everything. How am I supposed to keep up with all that?”

“Oh I’m sorry to be the only one to pop your precious bubble.” You walked all the way over to David. “But sure, you want to hear me say it, I’ll tell you everything.”

“(Y/N)…” David closed his eyes and sighed.

“We canceled plans four times this week because you had to shoot. You take hours to answer one text from me while you’re editing, but I saw you getting one text from Liza and stopping everything to answer back. I have to drop everything to follow you around, when I ask you to come with me to my sister’s wedding, you need to check your schedule.” You told him all in one go, shooting flares from your eyes, but also holding back the tears. “Your friends needs always come first. I’m always second. God forbid I have something that will help my own career that can get in the way of what you need. You say you don’t want to come out publicly to protect me, but I hear you talking to Jason that you don’t want to have another break up video in case this doesn’t work out.”

The tears were rolling down your eyes and you couldn’t stop them. Your voice was angry and hurt. David was staring back at you, listening to everything you were saying, but not even trying to argue back. He knew you were right.

“It’s your world, David. And I’m just a convenient pawn to distract you and entertain you whenever you feel like it.” You finished, clearing your face from the tears. “It’s very tiring to have to fight a raging stream alone to make this work.”

You saw the tears in his eyes, the hurt, the disbelief. There was a shade of disappointment there, from himself. Yet, he didn’t know what to say nor what to do. Everything seemed too broken.

“(Y/N)…” He took one step in your direction, but stopped himself when you took one back away from him. “I’m…”

“I can’t do this anymore, David.” You shook your head, completely destroyed. “And you don’t know how hard it is for me to say those words because I love you so… so much.”

“(Y/N), don’t do this. We can… We can work this out… We…” His voice was shaky and he cleared his blurry eyes filled with tears. “Don’t give up on us.”

“I didn’t, David. All I did was fight for us.” You picked up your purse and keys on the couch. “You’re the one who didn’t even try.”

David stood there, watching you leave. His whole body was hurting, his heart completely torn. Deep down, he didn’t really think you’d ever leave him, but seeing you do that exact thing right now was crushing his bones.

The moment he heard your car drive away, he ran to his room, crying and shutting the door harshly.

Natalie

Two days have passed since they’d broke up. David was barely eating anything. Lying in his bed all day, either sleeping or distracting himself with some Netflix show. He barely spoke a word, neither wanted to talk about it.

Jason looked from the hallway back to me. “How is he today?”

I shook my head, taking a sip of water. “I’ve never seen him like this before. I got him to eat three bites of a burrito yesterday. One sip of water. He won’t talk to anyone about it or her.”

Jason closed his eyes and sighed for a second. “This is bad. I tried calling him so many times and nothing. I tried bargaining with vlog ideas to shoot, turned me down each time.” He stopped to think for a second, looking back at me. “Have you heard from (Y/N)? I know you grew pretty close to her as well.”

I nodded, looking down. “I’m meeting her back at her apartment in a couple hours. Barely heard from her either, but Stass said that it’s bad.”

“Stass has been there?” Jason asked me.

“Yeah, she’s been sleeping on the couch, taking care of (Y/N).” I explained to Jason, but was quickly to shut my mouth when we saw David turning around the corner to come to the kitchen.

“Oh. Hey David. I was just about to go over to your room to see you.” Jason said, hopeful, getting up from his stool.

David didn’t acknowledge his existence, neither said a word. He was wearing the black merch, hoodie on. His hair was a mess, his beard growing, the bags underneath his eyes showing he hasn’t been sleeping at all. He made his way towards the fridge to grab a few cold beer bottles and go back to his room. Jason furrowed his eyebrow and looked at me.

“This is a first.” I answered the question in his eyes. “I don’t even know what to expect anymore.”

I left the house to go to (Y/N)’s place, being received by Stass with a worried look. I sighed, already expecting the worst. I walked all the way over to her bedroom, but stopped on my tracks right by the door when I heard her crying.

“It’s been about half an hour.” Stass informed me.

I knocked anyway, entering the room with an offering of her favorite ice cream. We talked for three hours and I could hear the heartbreak after every word. Unlike David, (Y/N) shared her feelings, but was just as confused and hurt.

“I know he’s sometimes a pain in the ass. He has a lot to learn, (Y/N), specially when it comes to relationships. It’s been a while since he has prioritized anything else other than his work. Not to make any excuses for David, he knows he fucked up.” I tried to reason a little. “But I’m really sorry you had to go through all of this. He really loves you, you know.”

I stayed over until 8 pm. Checking my phone every time and talking to Jason to see how David was doing. When I made my way back, the house was silent and Jason was taking a nap on the couch with the TV on. I assumed David was sleeping, so I grabbed a bottle of water and walked to my room.

As I passed his door, I heard it opening and it startled me. David stared back at me, wondering for a second.

“Where were you? It’s been hours.” It was the first time I heard his voice in two days.

“I…” As I was about to answer, he cut me.

“You went to see her, didn’t you?” His eyes were hopeful and eager, but also damaged and proud.

I was going to make up an excuse, but he knew how to read me. “Yes.”

David took one deep breath and slid his hands all over his face. Looking to the ground, his voice was shy and begging. He was really going through all the emotions at once.

“How…” David sighed. “How is she?”

I took one second to think of what to say. That was enough for him to look back at me, desperation shining through his brown eyes.

“She’s completely broken, David. She won’t stop crying all day, won’t leave her bed or apartment, any little thing that reminds her of you hurts her again.” I decided to be honest. “She’s not good at all.”

David bit the inside of his cheek, looking down again, trying to hide the tears. Shaking his head, he rested his body on the wall and leaned down. My words were cutting into him like knives, but lying to him would only make it even worse.

“David, did you eat anything? Do you want me to cook something for you?” I tried, practically begging him to let me help him eat.

David shook his head and walked inside, shutting the door harshly again. I looked back and saw Jason, who immediately sighed and looked down. Neither of us knew what to do to help them.

“Time… Time heals everything.” Jason said, walking away.

[thisisawesomeness1825]

oops, i (fake) love you, ch.10

Percy

Shit.

That’s the only word Percy can come up with when he remembers the supposed double date he has with Piper and Jason. Shit, because he screwed up the whole thing. And chances are, he blew up the only chance of convincing everybody with his and Annabeth’s relationship.

And that’s another thing: Annabeth.

Everything had been running smoothly up until he snapped at her because apparently, he’s still very bitter about what happened four years ago. And she wasn’t even talking about that! He basically put her on the spotlight and gave no chance of hearing her side. Now, she had stormed out and is undoubtedly shouting curses at him.

God. He’s really a douche.

Moments after she slapped him and ran away, his mind cleared of anger and he immediately felt shame like a cold water had been dumped on his head. He can’t look at his friends for he feared that he’ll break down and feel sorrier for himself.

“Oh no, you guys didn’t just break up because of us, did you?” Piper asks, a definite horror on her voice.

If he’s still mad, he’ll most likely snap at her; but at this point, he’s just tired and ashamed that he lost control of himself. He’s angry and bitter at Annabeth yes, but she didn’t deserve to be humiliated in front of his friends. Besides, there’s a proper place and time to acknowledge and talk about everything in between.

“I don’t know,” he answered, unsure.

“You don’t think you should follow her?” Jason asked.

“It’s best to leave Annabeth when she’s mad.”

At this, Piper seemed to shrink more in her place. Her eyes screamed guilt. “Percy, I’m so sorry. If I knew how this would turn out, I never would’ve forced you guys to come here.”

He waved her off. “It’s fine. I’m sorry but I also have to go.”

Even though it’s already been two days since that incident (Saturday and Sunday, where he spent most of his time mulling over the events leading to the disaster). His gloomy mood apparently haven’t escaped his mom’s worried eyes.

“Are you okay, Percy? Something you want to talk about?” Sally, his mom, asked.

“I’m fine,” he said through muffled voice. He’s lying face down on the couch, his face covered by a pillow. Sally raised her eyebrows at him.

“Fine, it’s just...uh, girl troubles.”

“Girl troubles? I never knew you had a girlfriend.”

Shoot. He forgot that he hadn’t told his mom about Annabeth yet. To be fair, he never really wanted to add his mom to this dating lie.

“It’s, um, it’s just recent,” he answered evasively.

Sally looked at him, skeptically, but eventually resumed to sorting out the groceries. “What’s her name then?”

He sunk further into the couch, pretending like he hadn’t heard the question.

“Percy?”

“Uh. It’s...Annabeth.”

Sally froze midway, and turned to look at him with wide eyes. “Annabeth? Do you mean Annabeth Chase?”

“Yes.”

“The same person as our old neighbor and your best friend Annabeth?”

“Yes mom. It’s the same Annabeth we both know.”

Sally looked contemplative for a moment, but then she shrugged carelessly and smiled. “Huh. Can’t say I didn’t see that coming.”

“Really? You aren’t mad?” Percy asked.

“Why would I be? I’m just glad you guys got together. It’s really bound to happen at some point,” Sally said. “Anyway, I think you’d both overcome whatever this challenge is just fine; you’d just have to give each other a time to think.”

“I don’t think she’d even want to talk to me.”

His mom sent a curious look at him. “What did you even do?”

“It’s just—I’ve said something that made her mad. And then she stormed off.” He left the part where she actually slapped him; he really didn’t want his mom prodding further if she knew that.

“I’m sure a few days off can cool down that anger. And then apologize.”

“Okay, I’ll do that. Thanks mom.”

On Monday, he’s more composed than last time, but Annabeth still hasn’t glanced his way yet. He stared at her for the whole Mythology class, but it’s either she didn’t feel his gaze or she’s just purposely avoiding him.

His brain thinks that it’s the latter.

During lunch, his friends are more somber; and they didn’t ask questions on why his eyes keep darting towards the cafeteria doors. Though Piper did ask quietly, “Have you talked to her yet?”

He shakes his head. “Probably tomorrow.”

Piper nods and squeezes his arm. “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll get past this.”

Some part of him thinks that, ‘hey, it seems Piper is now on the ride on believing them’, and the other part of him wonders whether he should continue with this thing. After all, Annabeth doesn’t look like she wants to be around him anymore. And really, who was he to expect that after all of these, Rachel will suddenly take an interest on him. He should just save himself the trouble and tell the truth to his friends.

But no. Because for one, he isn’t a quitter, and a minor disagreement won’t deter him from seeing this plan to its end. Second, because he sort of told his mom about it. And third, because if this was the chance for him to clear things out with Annabeth, then he will gladly do it. It feels nice not to constantly hate someone, and knowing that he could possibly be friends with her again is already a reward on its own.

Now, he just needs to convince Annabeth that this will be worth it.

Annabeth

For once, Annabeth isn’t feeling mad at Percy. She was initially mad, yes, but as she thought about it, her feelings gravitated towards disappointment more than anything. Disappointment because they were so close to convincing Piper and Jason, but ended up ruining the whole thing. Disappointment because instead of talking it out like real rational adults (okay, teenagers), they acted out immaturely and ended up hurting each other.

As much as she wants to blame him, she’d also helped stir the tension between them. If she’d just been more levelheaded, they could’ve avoided the entire problem from happening. But that’s already past them, and now she didn’t know how to move forward.

Is the fake dating thing still on? Or is that fight constitutes their fake break up?

She gets her answer the next morning while she’s preparing for school. She’s prepared herself for an awkward breakfast (as it always is whenever her dad actually manages to tear himself from his work) after she finished dressing up. She’s currently sat across the twins, munching silently on her toast and orange juice, all the while pretending that she’s actually part of the family breakfast, and not just the awkward first child from the first wife.

The doorbell rings, and weirdly enough, Fredrick actually stands up and checks the door. Annabeth pays no attention to it; after all, it’s probably just some neighbor complaining about the trash or something.

She’s startled, however, when her dad actually turns to look at her. He looks awkward and partly curious as he gazes at her. “Annabeth?” he calls.

“Yeah?”

“There’s a boy looking for you.”

“A boy?” she asks. Her stepmother, for once, actually chances a glance at her. Then her eyes quickly flit back to the twins.

“If I’m not mistaken, I think it’s Percy Jackson,” Fredrick says. “Should I send him away?”

Percy? What is he doing here?

“Uh, no.” She stands up and puts her plate on the sink. “I’ll go talk to him.”

Her dad is still lingering at the doorway once she spots Percy standing awkwardly outside. Fredrick looks at both them, and he flickers his fingers between Percy and Annabeth. “Are you two...um, dating?”

There’s a moment of silence where neither them know what to say, until Percy lets out a squeaky ‘yes’.

“Oh. Good.” Fredrick raises his glasses along his nose. “I’m glad it’s you. You’re a good man, Percy.”

“Uh, thanks Mr. Chase.”

Fredrick looks uncomfortable for a moment, like he’d rather be in any place other than this. He clears his throat. “Also, um, don’t rush into things. Be safe.”

Her cheeks redden and she bets Percy’s face is flaming too. She gestures outside. “Right, Dad. Um, we’re just going to talk over there.”

“Okay. Sure.” Then, he turns back and heads inside.

“That was...awkward,” Percy mutters quietly.

“Good thing he didn’t follow it up with a long talk about the birds and the bees.”

“That would be mortifying.”

She hides back a smile. She turns to Percy questioningly. “So, what brings you here?”

The boy starts fidgeting under her gaze, and he nervously runs a hand through his hair. “So, listen. I know we hadn’t left things in a good place, and I want to let you know that I’m really sorry for everything I said back there. It was really out of the line and was just plain rude. I shouldn’t have pressured you talk about it in front of my friends; we really could’ve talked about it some other time. Also, I’m sorry for snapping at you. You didn’t deserve it.”

There’s a brief moment where she doesn’t respond, and she knows Percy waits with bated breath until she nods and shrugs casually. He sighs in relief.

Annabeth takes in a deep breath and fiddles with her fingers. “Okay. Apology accepted. I-I also want to apologize for slapping you at the diner. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, and it just happened so sudden that I hadn’t had enough time to, well, think about my action. I guess I just got, y’know, fired up with everything.”

“And I’m really sorry for that. I honestly don’t know why I said everything that I said.”

She chooses to ignore that. Annabeth knows why, and she knows he knows too. But they’re still treading on new waters after building a bridge of temporary truce, so that topic will have to be addressed some time later. Preferably when they are already knee-deep into this mess.

Percy holds up his pinky to her with a smile. “Truce?”

“Truce,” she repeats, as her pinky hooks into his and tugs. “So we’re still doing it?” she asks.

“I hope. Although I understand if you don’t want to, knowing everything that I’d dragged you into. But I really hope you’ll give me second chance. I swear I’ll be reading and doing all the notes you’ll be giving me. I’d even advance study!”

“You never advance study,” she comments lightly.

“But now I’ll try. I’ll be the best fake boyfriend understudy.” Then he pulls that wide look with a matching pout that vaguely resembles a cute baby seal. One that she knows haven’t lost a favor in his way.

“You know that’s cheating right?”

“Anything to win you over.”

She shrugs nonchalantly, but there’s a smile pulling at her lips. “Okay then. Let’s date.”

“Really? That’s it?”

“You want me to make it harder?”

“No. I just—I never expected it to be this easy, especially after, y’know, the diner fiasco. But this is great,” Percy says as he smiles at her. “More than great, actually.”

Annabeth nods. “Yeah, well, I can’t deny that I was mad at you at first. But that just transformed into disappointment since we both acted like a child instead of handling it like an adult.”

She waves her hand dismissively and turns to him. “Anyways, enough of that. Is this the only reason you came to see me this morning? At my house no less?”

For the second time this morning, Percy blushes. “Uh, I was thinking that maybe we can walk to school together?”

There’s no word to describe the look in her face other than incredulous. “Why?”

If possible, his cheeks redden even further. It’s a weird shade, especially with his tan skin. “It’s just that, I’ve frequently seen couples do this, and I wanted to show you that I’ll really bring my A-game here.”

“That’s really nice, but walking can take up 45 minutes.”

“Oh. I...forgot to factor that,” he says slowly. “So, no to walking then?”

She shakes her head.

“Bus?”

“Let’s just take my car.”

“Good idea.”

The ride towards Goode took only about 15 minutes, which left them a couple of minutes of free time before the first period.

Interestingly though, the car ride was far from what she expected. While she readied herself for a tense silence, especially after what happened at the diner, she’s surprised that it’s been filled with small talks that did not feel awkward at all. Maybe, it’s because of their temporary truce; that they had promised to sort out through their mess when the right time comes. Maybe, it’s the acknowledgment that even though they had a rough patch, they’re still willing to move past that and work with each other.

Whatever may that be, she’s glad for it.

A/N: So, this was pretty okay-ish chapter. I really have no intention to drag out the fight, I just need Percy to realize a few things.

Sorry for taking a bit long to finish this chapter. To be honest, I was three-fourths done when my creative juices left me, so I couldn’t wrap up this chapter. Also, I’ve binge watch an anime and read A Court of Mist and Fury, which took up a lot of my time.

Anyways, enough of that and see you next chapter! Don’t forget to favorite, follow, and review!