#another to be invalidating about something out of my control

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

dont need any of this gaslighting bullshit

[genderqueerdykes]

hey anon saying "my abuser was a trans man so trans men hate trans women" I just want you to know I'm a transmasc person who was literally abused horrifically on the basis of sharing a similar pronoun and gender identity to my then-girlfriend's ex. she used the abuse of an entirely unrelated person as an excuse to insinuate I never respected her and would regularly scream at me and even invalidated my trauma over a relative dying using her own trauma.

she also, unsurprisingly, was a rampant transandrophobe, calling me horrible and transmisogynistic because I challenged her as a trans woman over saying blatantly transphobic things about trans men and transmascs (myself included).

because it was never about truth, it was about being on top and being the most inconvenienced and being in control of the conversation of suffering (this went beyond us fighting over my gender).

think why you feel that way, that you need sole dictation over the conversation and can't let anyone else breathe their words about experiences that may challenge how you feel, anon

if I were to do what she did, and say I was uncomfortable with trans women because they can be abusive, I would rightfully be ripped limb from limb for the transmisogynistic notion that trans women are remotely a monolith or are abusive based solely on my experience

but I guess trans men aren't owed that same equivalence. they are forced to live a double standard there. because you don't respect us enough for it. why is that.

"because it was never about truth, it was about being on top and being the most inconvenienced and being in control of the conversation of suffering,"

"if I were to do what she did, and say I was uncomfortable with trans women because they can be abusive, I would rightfully be ripped limb from limb for the transmisogynistic notion that trans women are remotely a monolith or are abusive based solely on my experience"

i had to highlight these bits in particulare because good god you worded this so perfectly. i am so sorry you have had this experience but you knocked the ball so far out of the park that i am genuinely in awe of how well you conveyed this, and how absolutely fucked peoples' double standards are when it comes to abuse and how people think that trans men and mascs have it "so much easier in life". you're dead on the money. NONE of this has to do with talking about oppression and looking out for one another.

this behavior is about control.

it's about controlling the narrative. some people literally get so insecure when the conversation turns away from them for even a moment, they think it means that everyone is their enemy. yes, trans women have an absolutely awful time in cisheternormative society. so do trans men.

i have been emotionally and sexually abused and harassed by 3 separate trans women. one of which struck me with an object, another who stole something out of my purse while i was asleep and continuously kept trying to get in my pants after she found out i had a vagina despite me repeatedly turning her down, and another who mocked me for my psychotic episodes and repeatedly swore up and down that i didn't have DID and just in general gaslit and emotionally abused the fuck out of me. the woman who hit me also constantly kept insinuating that penises are what make a man a man, and would not stop making me feel bad for not having a biopenis.

once everyone found out i had a vag, suddenly, i was a cishet woman in their house and i was public enemy #1. i had to deal with my cis gay male roommate shrieking about how he's gay, boobs and vaginas are disgusting, he's a MAN attracted to MEN. meanwhile, my ex girlfriend (the one who hit me) made me feel like shit for being a man without a penis almost every single day. she would guilt trip me about how she missed being with partners with biopenises and would spend all day telling me that she loved me, but then would turn around and scream and yell at me and tell me that i'm an evil asshole.

the transandrophobia i have had to deal with at the hands of other trans women has been absolutely fucking staggering. we need to stop fostering a culture where this is okay because it's genuinely getting people hurt. like you said, if a transmasc were to say "i hate trans women, they're all mean and shitty and abusive," they would literally be torn limb from fucking limb. and rightfully so, because it's a dogshit thing to say. but we HAVE to start telling people who do this to trans men to fuck OFF and stop it.

i am very sorry you went through that. i hope things improve for you, and that you're able to spend time in company that treats you with respect. nobody should have to deal with literal profiling just because of their gender.

is that what we're doing now? profiling people based off of their gender? how is that progressive? how is that liberating? how is that trans rights? it ain't.

[anithemonsterlover]

There's an element in many BATB stories that I feel goes a little unnoticed by the general audiences, and it's something lost in the year of white feminism / pearl clutching / Buzzfeed media analysis, that categorizes these stories as "problematic" and in that...when you strip these stories down, these stories are about disabled people finding humanity. Abuse survivors attempting to gain control of life after years of trauma.

I mean it's a bit obvious, but you take out the allegory, the fantastical elements...the Beast is disabled, in a way, that their physical functions can't allow them to function in society.

Like, even Quasimodo is mute. the fantasy isn't even that dense some times lol.

Their abusers (and often the true villains) are often figures in power: parents, religious leaders, politicians...Precisely the type of people in reality that mistreat the disabled in the first place, from abusing at home to passing laws in society that invalidate and downright exterminate their existence.

Like, there's no coinicidence why a lot of these stories shaped the horror genre. and how both genres attract a lot of neurodivergent or queer fans.

So to see these stories being transformed to be thought of "ew creepy incel nice guys" fantasies is so tone deaf. Men dont fantasize being ugly, traumatized and living isolated by society, fam. they like imagining themselves being either the Luke Skywalkers or the world or the Darth Vaders, lol. Something active and with power. (And why Fr*llo in Hunchback isn't the same- he has power and represents society, but that's a talk for another day)

And if you think disabled, deformed, neurodivergent people aren't mistreated, mocked or osctracized anymore...like girl what fairytale you livin' in. i want in lol.

And why these stories hit stronger when the Beast was born a monster (or deformed as a child), instead of a relatively "normal" man committing an accident (but that's just me). Life can be cruel to you just for something you can't control, and a lifetime of pain changes you, not often for the good, but it's real. (and also why that mantra of "abuse turns you kind" can be very very dangerous talk, not all victims respond the same to trauma)

And that's also why BATB adaptations where the Beauty also is an outcast herself (Elisa, Entrapta, Dea, modern adaptations of Esmeralda), and can relate to the Beast's alienation, hit stronger in my eyes. Because compassion is often the key to these stories, and well, who understands your pain better than somebody who's gone through the same thing? (and also why "female monster"-type characters are also very fascinating to read about but also rarer to see ).

[gublernatural]

Wine-Tainted Water ❤︎ Spencer Reid

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

♡ SUMMARY: after a night out with their team, spencer and his lover take a bath together. based on one line of dress by taylor swift.

♡ WARNINGS: alcohol, reader and spencer are drunk, grossly cute fluff, not edited and in all lowercase

♡ NOTE: this is probably my favorite thing i've ever written

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

“i’m spilling wine in the bathtub. you kiss my face and we’re both drunk. everyone thinks that they know us. but they know nothing…”

you were too drunk to understand how the rest of the team didn’t see you and spencer sneak into the same uber. you were sure spencer would also question how you two got away with it, if it were something he was bothered to consider. but, right here with you, the rest of the team was the last thing on his mind.

despite his knees being pressed almost all the way to his chest and his arms being haphazardly thrown over the side of the tub, there was no other position he’d want to be in right now.

you were laughing at something he said—that much he knew. your face was scrunched up and your smile was probably the biggest he’d ever seen it. the alcohol cursing through your blood was definitely aiding in your laughter. you were always a giggly drunk, spencer realized.

not that he was any better. he wasn’t sure if he was more love drunk or alcohol drunk. the bar the team had visited was running a special on vodka cranberries, and he had definitely had a few too many. he wasn’t sloppy drunk or not in control of himself drunk, but he was the kind of drunk that made the tips of your fingers go numb.

he was trying to gauge where you are on that spectrum. you had stuck to wine, so you aren’t feeling as dizzy as he currently is, but you had a few more than him.

spencer quickly gave up on trying to pinpoint your location on this imaginary drunk scale he’d made up. he was too entranced by the words you were attempting to form. “spence!” you cheered, holding out the wine class he’d teased you for grabbing.

“what are you doing?” spencer said with a teasing smile as you made your way to his kitchen cabinet. “you still have that bottle of sangria?” you asked, with a much more stable tone than you had now. “yes?” spencer was clearly confused, “i thought you wanted to take a bath?” you laughed in reply, “there’s no law against having wine in the bathtub.” he couldn’t argue with that.

that was probably over an hour now. the water had run cold and the vanilla scented bubble bath you’d dumped in was starting to fade.

“another glass?” he questioned, taking your glass and reaching for the bottle you’d propped up against the side of the bathtub. “mhm!” you nodded, stretching out your legs a little bit. neither of you were comfortable per say, but the alcohol and love in the air was easily masking the joint pain you were starting to experience. squeezing into a tub with a man as tall as spencer was not an easy feat, but you were desperate to make it work.

“do you think anyone noticed?” spencer asked, referring to your hasty exit from the bar. “i dunno,” you mumbled as he handed the glass back to you, “i don’t really care either.” for some reason, your simple reply made spencer smile. he also didn’t care, he decided as soon as the words left your mouth.

“plus,” you started after taking a sip of your wine. spencer could tell you were about to ramble. it was a thing in your relationship. if one of you wasn’t rambling, the other definitely was. and you both listened to each other carefully, never invalidating or rushing them. it was nice to be with someone who talked like he did, spencer thought.

“even if they did, they don’t really know.” you emphasized. “like, they only really know work us, y’know?” spencer didn’t know. the team was his family and definitely knew more about him than simply who he was at work. with one quirk of an eyebrow, however, he was able to get you to explain your train of thought.

“see!” you gestured to his facial expression. as your body excitedly moved to show that your point had been proven, even if spencer was still confused, your almost full wine glass shook, sending red sangria into the bath water. spencer held back his laugh as you gently splashed it towards him. you took another sip, before continuing your explanation.

“i was very easily able to tell you didnt understand what i was saying. because we know each other. really know each other. so who cares if they think we’re dating? i mean i’ve seen parts of you no one else has, like i’ve seen your butthole, spencer. has anyone else on the team seen your butthole? exactly.”

spencer couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled over from his throat. you were speaking so passionately and so clearly about this, it was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. he couldn’t tell if the warmth radiating through his chest was from the alcohol or from the way you existed in this space. he never wanted to leave this bathtub.

spencer couldn't help himself as he launched forward. the wine-tainted water that went flying over the side of the tub would be a problem for tomorrow. right now, all he was worried about was pressing a million and one kisses to the part of cheek that bubbled up when you smiled. he gently caressed your face as he moved closer to you. not even the pain in his back from his sudden jolt forward could slow him down.

you grip tighten on your wine glass, making sure it was secure in your hand as spencer moved. the bathroom acoustics made your fit of laughter sound as perfect as beethoven's third sympony to spencer. your giggles bounced off the wall, right into his heart as he kisses moved from your cheeks to being peppered around your entire face. his hands moved down to your sides, pulling you closer to him.

"spencer!" you squealed as his fingers wiggled against your sides. you could feel your grip on your glass loosening as he tickled you. "spencer! stop!" you laughed, using your feet to push against his thighs, effectively pushing him away. the bathroom was silent as you both came down from the giggle high you'd been on.

after another sip of wine, you spoke, "what was that for?" there was no malice behind your words. no accusatory tone or anger from his actions. you were smiling, basking in spencer's rare show of affection. he simply shrugged, "i just love you," he declared. you, once again, giggled at his words, "i love you too."

spencer sighed, holding up his hand to show you his pruning fingers. he was starting to sober up, so the cold of the bath water was beginning to effect him. "it might be time to get out, love." your bottom lip jutted out, expressing a disappointment that was far too dramatic for his simple sentiment. "don't wanna," you mumbled, pulling your glass to chug the rest of the wine before spencer made you get up.

spencer let out a laugh as you chugged, encouraging you to keep going. you finished the glass incredibly quickly. "i'm getting cold," he cooed, grabbing the empty glass and placing it on the floor, out of the way of where either of you would step out of the tub. "m'kay," you mumbled, not wanting spencer to suffer at your expense. spencer slow stood, not wanting to get any more water on the floor. he reached for the towel on the rack, dropping in on the floor, protecting your feet from where he overflowed the water earlier.

"stay here," he instructed before stepping out. he went to grab another towel. he quickly threw one around his waist, before reaching for the fluffiest one he could find. he returned to the side of the tub, leaving the towel to rest on the sink.

"ready?" he questioned, holding out his hand for you to take. in your drunken state, you were extremely grateful for his help to get you on your feet. he held onto you as you stepped over the wall of the bathtub, and didn't let go until you were standing stable. then, he reached for the towel, wrapping you up in it's warmth.

he rubbed his hands along the sides of your body, drying it to the best of his ability. the smudged makeup and goofy smile that painted your face had his heart racing.

"you ready?" he gestured to the door as he spoke. you nodded in response, pulling the towel tighter around your body. "i don't want to go to work on monday," you informed him as you walked the hallway to your room. "me neither," he agreed, reaching in his drawer for two oversized shirts. he slipped on a pair of boxers before moving to grab your comfiest pair of underwear.

you had made yourself comfortable on the edge of the bed, not wanting to wet where you or spencer would lay down. "legs up," he mumbled as he bent down. he slid the underwear up your legs, and helped you lift your butt up when he got to the top. once you were comfortable in them, he slipped on his shirt.

"arms up," you nodded at his words, instantly shooting them straight up in the air. as he slid the shirt over your arms, you spoke. "can we watch love is blind?" your voice sounded tired, despite the facade you were keeping of being wide awake. "yeah," he promised as he helped you lay down. once you were dressed and covered, he moved to the other side of the bed. he climbed in next to you, and you tried to ignore the way your head spun as he shifted to get comfortable.

"do you wanna watch the new one?" he asked. "mhm," you hummed. he pressed play on it, knowing you'd be asleep by the time the intro scene ended.

[bad268]

Hii can I request a Paul Aron x reader? Maybe like they went to school together and she was known to keep to herself but he finds out she drifts cars as a passion outside of school. Maybe a cute interaction after he watches her and he's with a couple friends too?

Drift to Survive (Paul Aron X Drifter! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/F2/3

Requested: Clearly (haha I speedran this, but I learned a lot of shit about drifting <3) (Also, off-topic but LOOK AT HIS HAND)

Warnings: None

POV: Second Person (You/your)

W.C. 1132

Summary: Drifter! reader decides it's time to share the infamous after-school activity.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

What had started as an after-school activity turned into a fully-fledged career after a while. You had started drifting back when you were younger. Your dad used to compete in Drift Masters (DM), and you had always been interested in it since he would take you to the rounds.

By the time you were 10, your dad was taking you out to open fields or empty tracks to drift, and when you reached 15, you started competing in lower levels. It was difficult managing a full-time career on top of finishing school, but it would be worth it in the end.

Somedays you wish you had told your school friends about your passion for drifting, but then you remember how critical people are of different interests. It was better to keep it on the down-low until you got better at least.

Well, to say you were getting better would be an understatement. You started competing in Formula Drift earlier this year, and you were dominating. You just found out that if you secured the championship, you would be offered a seat in DM. 

Since there was a race for you this weekend, you decided to bite the bullet and invite a couple of your closest friends. They were racing in Formula 2 or Formula 3, and you knew they did not have a race that weekend. Surely, they were free. 

You sent a quick text to the group chat that included Dino, Ollie, Jak, and your best friend, Paul. Maybe you wished Paul was more, but right now, your focus was on your career, especially since you just graduated and were moving up in the world. That was something you could pursue another day.  

They all accepted immediately, intrigued at the prospect. They did not really attend a race where placement did not matter, so they were interested to learn about it. Also, they did not think it was something you were interested in. You were just so quiet. They did not expect you to be interested in their type of racing, let alone a more dangerous branch of it. 

The day of the event came, and you were feeling more confident than ever. You had done a few practice runs with your dad again, and he was confident you would get that DM seat. Your friends arrived at your room early that morning since you all agreed to carpool together. 

You all loaded in the car. You drove. It was after much debate from the guys, saying they were the racing drivers, but you rebuttled with how Ollie could not pass his driver’s license test. Plus, it was your car that your dad drove over for you. You did not plan on letting any of them take your car.

Paul sat in the front, Jak and Ollie took the window seats, and Dino sat in the middle despite him saying he was too tall for it. Granted, he was the shortest of the three, so his argument was invalid. 

You let Dino have control over the music, so he would shut up. Thankfully, he did have good taste in music. You made it to the track in no time, and you drove around to the back where drivers and the teams would park. The boys looked at you funny as you showed the garage passes to security, but no one asked anything until you parked.

“You never told us,” Paul started as he climbed out of the car and followed you toward the boot. You were grabbing out a bag that had some of your essentials like team merch, hat, and snacks. All of your racing gear was already with the team. Paul closed the boot for you after you grabbed the bag out. “Where are we sitting?”

“You guys are sitting in the garage,” You answered as you locked the car after Ollie, Dino, and Jak clambered out of the car just in time to hear your answer. They all gaped at you before Dino made a connection.

“Wait, where will you be?’

“In the car,” You said simply as you handed them the badges and walked down toward the entrance. They all stood in shock for a minute before running to catch up. You led them around before parting off to your garage. Ollie, Dino, and Jak decided they wanted to explore a bit more, but Paul said he wanted to stick with you. Plus, he really wanted to look at your car.

Call him a nerd, but all cars are interesting to him. 

You did just that. It did not take him long to realize that you were the “amazing”, “talented”, and “once-in-a-generation” driver that everyone talked about. You used an alias while driving, so he never made the connection before. You showed him your car, let him sit in it, and showed him your special helmet. Since this event was so special, you did a specialty helmet based on your dad’s helmet. If you could secure your DM seat with your dad’s helmet, it would have come full circle since he was the one to help you get there.

“Wow, this is incredible! I never knew you did this,” Paul said in awe as you explained a few more things in your driver's room while getting ready to get in the car. “It suits you though.”

“Thanks, Paul,” You laughed at that. “No one ever asks what I do outside of school, so I never said anything.”

“Well, now I’m gonna make it my mission to learn everything about you,” Paul said in a soft tone as he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you into his body. He used one of his hands to do up the zipper and velcro of your race suit before resting his hand against the side of your neck, “If you’ll let me, that is?”

“I’d always let you in, Paul,” You whispered back as you slowly leaned in to press your lips against his. It did not last long as one of your managers knocked on the door, telling you it was time to get in the car. Reluctantly, you pulled away from him as you pulled your balaclava on and grabbed your helmet. “That’s my cue. Time to drift to survive. You better be watching from the garage. I need all of the energy I can get.”

“I manifesting that win for you,” Paul laughed as he followed you out to the car. As soon as you were situated in your seat, he leaned in one last time to give you a last piece of motivation, “You’ve got all of us behind you, just breathe, and you’ll do great as always. I’ll be waiting for you at the finish line to take you out for victory drinks.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[cipheramnesia]

Right so, a good lot of social theory and practice in the USA, and elsewhere but I'm speaking from the USA, has both historically and in the present granted a privileged position to white voices and experiences, and downplayed or ignored or suppressed black voices and experiences (and a good deal of others, but a significant amount of the work on this whole thing comes from black scholars, activists, etc and we're simplifying a bit for brevity). Classic example is white feminism, probably because it's one where the favoring of white perspectives over black perspectives is pretty easy to notice once you look for it. But the USA being steeped in racism for its whole existence and having an extra special hate-on in the form of anti-blackness, it means being white generally leaves a person with less awareness of privileging whiteness over blackness in theory and practice. Being white means you have to consciously look for your own bias and assumptions, because in the USA you're drowning in the message that whiteness is normal and correct. There's more to it because the forces that make up and drive society are complex and social theory and practice can come from a billion directions, but as a kind of handy dandy self assessment for someone like me, I can try my best to look at what I'm missing and listen to black voices and incorporate that into how I see the world. It's the kind of thing you wish would be taken as given from scholars and activists (although time after time we find it isn't).

Okay, so the point here is like if you say "white feminism" it's referring to a situation where a progressive idea didn't interrogate its own innate racism carried over from people who have white privilege in a society which created white privilege and black oppression as one of several means of keeping power et al to one group and keeping another group disempowered. Like, it's pretty general, but there is a particular purpose in pointing out whiteness in progressive ideas, practices, etc.

What it's not for is slapping "white" into a debate about theory and practice as some sorta argument winning bonus damage, which isn't to undercut the importance of recognizing it as something that affects behavior, but more that when two or more white people are having a fight over something, and they keep calling each other "white" as shorthand "you are white so your argument is invalid" instead of "you have unexamined bias that excludes important parts of society," it kinda... takes away from the whole reason that thing exists. This is not to say "stop pointing out white privilege in theory and action," more to think a second about what it's doing when you use it. Me also being included in You here.

But anyway for anyone who read this far, the issue I've noticed with "white" as a debate pejorative is that white people have so thoroughly incorporated it without understanding it, they'll be arguing over other forms of systemic oppression and straight up tell a black person they're white. Because they didn't stop to examine the other person's perspective or consider their own biases, they just wanted to win, to be the most right. White people, white progressives, have so deeply incorporated "white" as a pejorative that it's almost automatic, unexamined point scoring. Learning that whiteness continues to be used as a way to impose the existing social systems of power and control onto forms of theory and action that are trying to generally resist power and control is a big thing that most activists in the USA need checked. We all do once in awhile. Throwing it around, because you're pissed at someone on the internet, is not doing that introspection, it does not signify someone has made an effort to listen to and/or uplift black voices - it's turning something that has a reason and purpose into an empty pejorative.

It's like, I don't know, like black people were pointing out white privilege in activism and related progressive movements, and then white people got ahold of that, and then turned it into something that they didn't need to include black people's perspective in. Somehow, white people turned calling people "white" into something that privileges white voices.

I am aware that sounds absurd, but when white people call black people "white" to discredit a black perspective, that speaks to the white co-opting of "white," which at its most simple is a request to slow down a single fucking second and consider if you're being racist. I feel pretty weird writing this because I'm white, I try to take time to think about what I'm saying, but there's definitely some things I left out to make a long essay less long, and I know I'm probably missing some things specifically because I'm white. However, when I see discourse that's a parade of white people accusing one another of being white, I have to wonder how they wound up with zero black people involved in the conversation to begin with. Maybe stop passing "white" around like a hot potato and do the introspection and talk to some black people and listen or something, I don't know, I'm just throwing it out there.

[utilitycaster]

One of your recent posts talked about the way BH have essentially "run out of plot" in following the Red Moon/Predathos plot and the way that the PCS are being played.

I was also curious about your thought on the interparty dynamics in the end game, particularly with recent developments. One of the issues I've had with Bell's Hells for a while now is the way they don't challenge each other (or at least not in the way previous parties have)

Yeah; they don't. And honestly I think this is a combination of just...luck of the draw of the characters they created combined with that lack of room for those characters to develop because they've been in an environment that hasn't allowed much time and space for anything but rushing to the next task. Like, as mentioned, a lot of characters are kind of here to hang out or have goals that aren't specifically tied to personal change, if they have specific goals at all. That's not a bad thing! Grog, Jester, and Fearne all share that quality and are all fantastic executions of it - and Grog and Jester do change quite a bit despite that because the story gives them many opportunities to do so, and yes, because their fellow party members challenge them. But it feels like the bulk of Bells Hells if not all of it is kind of in that boat.

I remember an early panel in which Marisha said "I don't want to think anymore" and I know Travis has mentioned something similar for Chetney, of wanting to play someone much more chaotic after playing someone so highly controlled as Fjord. Liam also talked about stepping back from being a major decision maker at some point, and built Orym to be someone who had a viewpoint but didn't specifically assert it (as we've just seen). Like, I think most resentment C3 fans have towards C2 is just jealousy and bitterness but perhaps a fairer grievance is that the cast really brought their A-Game to the Mighty Nein with a lot of incredibly complicated, driven, messy characters and due to the smaller nature of the company then combined with the scaled back production of the pandemic focused intently on them; and then nearly all of them made a bunch of fairly go-with-the-flow or chaotic characters as a breather and (not unfairly or unreasonably!) thought they'd be in a story that would give them space to become something else or that would suit them, and it didn't. As someone who likes actual play I think if nothing else this serves as a look into how fantastic overall cast chemistry doesn't translate into compelling party dynamics.

To be clear, I think Bells Hells like and care about each other, but none are really the type to both strive to be better and challenge those around them to be as well. Even their defenders in the fandom are kind of leaning on the party of NPCs line from very early on [which is funny because a lot of people HATED that line at the time; I got hate over thinking it was apt] but the thing is yeah at this point in the campaign, they shouldn't still feel like a party of NPCs. Perhaps this is a personal preference, which, to be clear, does not in any way invalidate it as criticism, but as someone with a bit of a comics background, I've never been terribly into "Suicide Squad"-esque stories but I am into stories of Person Who Has An Opportunity And Rises To The Occasion Despite Not Being The Best Choice On Paper. Ultimately, my issue isn't that Bells Hells come from humble backgrounds and tragedy (this is also...not untrue for the Mighty Nein, incidentally; in fact they had even less endorsement from powerful groups. Molly died 26 episodes in and he just stayed fucking dead because no one had Keyleth's phone number so this is another case of "your defense just makes me think the Mighty Nein achieve this in a far superior manner"); my issue is that, as Laudna put it, they kind of just walk through doors because they're in front of them. I don't need them to become classically heroic; but I do need them to have some sort of intention. And they don't. Why are you walking through doors? "Because they're there" doesn't cut it. You're here because the Exandrian Accord gave you a whole bunch of support so don't play that "i'm just a nobody with nothing" shit anymore, it's demonstrably untrue.

I had this in the tags originally and I decided, perhaps unwisely, to move it into this post because I think it's relevant, but: in case it's not apparent, I think "You! Are! Valid!" culture is fucking awful; this is what that weirdo who thinks I'm from Reddit is mad at, I think (honestly I'm not sure if they're angry, they might just be very unwell). Like, it has roots in something true and helpful; you are valid for things like your race, gender, sexuality, ability/disability, and things that have happened to you in the past. But actually no one is automatically valid for their actions. Being incurious or inconsiderate or incapable of taking constructive criticism, even if this is tied to your past? not valid. Your trauma and pain is valid; what you do in their name very much might not be. And I think a lot of people who love Bells Hells do not like this message (which, Bells Hells don't like this message, hence the repeated "whatever you do is fine" conversations) and kind of romanticize a "NO ONE IS ON OUR SIDE WE MUST DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR US THERE'S NO GOOD ANSWERS" state in which one cannot be held responsible for action nor inaction and that's a lot of why they respond so dramatically to the increasing sense within the fandom that this party lacks the juice and does judge them for inaction. Like, I've been talking about character agency and how a lot of people's enjoyment of Bells Hells hinges on how they HAD NO CHOICES and I think we're seeing the fallout, which is that a TTRPG story (ie, a medium defined more so than anything else about player choices) about characters who were stripped of choice kinda sucks ass, and anyone who doesn't look to actual play D&D to valid their personal morality (which, in this case, usually is "the world is unfair so I can do whatever I want" anyway) would rather see a story about a character who fucking had a viewpoint and did things with it, even if it were a "bad" viewpoint. I know I'm hard on villain stans because a lot of them are actually people who are like "what if the VILLAIN were the HERO...I am very intelligent," but actually, this is the crux of why Darth Vader was very popular. It's not because people thought he was a good person; it's because he drove the story more so than the heroes much of the time, and people responded to that. Purely reactive characters are boring and to get back to your original point do not challenge each other unless someone else starts the reaction chain, and there just haven't been too many opportunities of the external nor internal variety to do it. It's mostly bad luck and again, a session zero could have fixed this, but it is what it is.

[iviarelleblr]

I just feel like this is something that ought to be shared. For WOT in particular but for a lot of other stories as well.

I know my feelings are still very chaotic about the whole thing in 3x08. A lot of people, myself included, have entirely valid trauma (and no I'm not exaggerating by using that word!) related to multiple things that came up in that episode. You can't help what your triggers are, you can only control how you act in response.

I will say, most of the counterpoints I've seen here aren't trying to invalidate the feelings of people who are upset about certain things in the episode, but some of them feel invalidating anyway. It feels like you're saying, "why are you even upset, there's [mitigating factors]".

And it's true that not a single one of the issues happened to a tokenized character, nobody is the only person who looks like them, who loves like them, in the show. There are other women of colour, there are other *queer* women of colour even, right there.

But when you've seen a pattern play out a dozen times, when the very same writer was a writer on the show that may have even given you that initial trauma,* and was hailed by the showrunner of this show as the premiere writer for these two particular characters especially... People who remember all that, consciously or just in their bones, were always going to be upset, even if we weren't just here for the Siuaraine of it all.

I'm not threatening to quit the show or anything over this. I'm not suggesting anyone else should or shouldn't keep watching. It's something every individual will have to decide for themselves: they've got other queer characters and ships to sail, but there have been an awful lot of dead beloved characters of colour this season. Colorism isn't an automatic argument-winning word the way some people on Xitter treated it last week, but it is a problem the show has struggled with.

I'm just asking for a little compassion for those of us who are working through a lot, y'know? Like, this is where a lot of us are coming from. It may very well lead to a better story, I've seen plenty of very convincing arguments, but that doesn't stop my heart from hurting in an echo back along all the queer characters I've lost along the way so that their partners could go on being main characters. It doesn't stop me from feeling how similar this could be to those, even if it doesn't end up being the same at all. I think all sides of these discussions could use a little more nuance and thought and a little less reflexive responding (hence my posting this the day after, to make sure I'm not jumping the gun or making an ass of myself), but that goes for everything, always.

Bonus * note: The 100 wasn't my first buried gay, but not only was JJG writing on it in the very season the Clexa controversy went down (though not the same episode), that show's showrunner had also been overpromoting the queer relationship between Clarke and Lexa, had been hyping them up in interviews and promotional stuff, all season leading up to Lexa's tragic pointless death so the actress could go work on another show. I WAS THERE, GANDALF! I don't think it's overblown or exaggerating to say a lot of people are having extremely large feelings right now over this, especially if they were in that fandom in 2016, especially if they're a little younger than I am and were that little bit more impressionable at the time. We are feeling a lot of parallels and it fucking sucks, to put it lightly.

[quinngefail]

So apparently at 19 Lawrence got institutionalized for 6 months from a psychotic breakdown. I’m pretty sure it’s mentioned in one of the video games. Do you think he’d tell Adam about it? How you you think adam would react? (Also why do you think he even had a breakdown?) love you!!! 🩷

Omfg okay okay I haven't played either of the games yet but I intend to. I did not know about that little bit of lore, though..... But tbh it slides in so perfectly with what I've been formulating for backstory headcanons,

I haven't actually written any of this out in my Google doc yet but. I feel like rambling and just laying out the relevant parts of what I've been brainstorming for him-

Putting a cut because this got longer than I thought it would. Also- tw for talks of emotional abuse, alcoholism, and a brief sui mention- nothing super detailed, though.

So uh. I've been imagining him growing up in this wealthy, very controlling, catholic household. And even from a young age it was extremely rare for his parents to even glance at any of his problems.., One part because they were absolutely the types to guilt him with the whole "THERE ARE CHILDREN IN AFRICA STARVING AND YOU'RE SITTING HERE CRYING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS SO TRIVIAL" and another part because I imagine his mother was diagnosed with cancer when Lawrence was just a kid. Which was hard on everyone, of course, but this also meant less attention being put on him and his problems (ft. more guilting because you should be grateful that all you have is a scraped knee, stop crying). Basically the response to any of his struggles would very often be Stop Moping and/or Go Pray About It y’know-

Sooo even at a young age, he quickly developed this mindset that none of his problems were actually 'real', because he had it drilled into his head again and again that he was in a far more fortunate + blessed position than others. Which yeah obviously he had a great deal of privilege on his side from the get-go, but he's still allowed to express hurt and his need for love and care, y’know,

So he just starts repressing everything, holding it all inside. Internally minimizing and invalidating just about anything that made him upset. He does this for years, and years. And by the time that first year of college rolls around, he now has the most independence in his life that he's ever had, finally away from that very, very controlling household... And I very much imagine him as the type to just go off the rails almost immediately, especially in the drinking department. His grades rapidly slip, and he knows there will be hell to pay when his parents inevitably find out about all of this- but it's easier to just sit back and drink, and let his cares about everything slip away.

And of course, his parents do indeed find out. And there is indeed hell to pay. More so from his father, though, as his mother's condition has been rapidly deteriorating, which was certainly just one of the many motivators for Lawrence's drinking. And it's not long before she does pass away, which I think was a final straw of sorts for his mental health.

Between the bottles and bottles of repression he's been holding in for years, the drinking, the fact that he's fucked up so badly with college + absolutely fuckin wasted an amount of time and money, the sheer outrage and disappointment from his parents, his mother's death, and the shattering of his already shaky faith (because evidently, praying for his mother's health didn't do a goddamn thing)... It's a wonder he didn't break sooner,

So then this is where him being institutionalized just SLIDES IN SO EASILY... And I do think right before this happened, he had attempted to take his own life, unable to deal with it all. The treatment helps him back onto a straight path. And maybe he'd already been interested in the medical field, but the loss of his mother was sort of the final push towards wanting to pursue oncology specifically. So after being released, it's college take two: and it goes far better than the last time.

However, he develops this fear of losing control again. He finds comfort and necessity in order. He almost needs it to feel okay. He still has a hard time voicing and downplaying his problems, though, still feeling like they're not 'real'... This being a particular souvenir from growing up that he just can't seem to overcome.

He's also not at all surprised to get a call (in either his late 20s or early 30s) that his father had drank himself to death. Just seemed inevitable.

Then, to cut to the Becoming Closer With Adam Era, I don't imagine he has a hard time explaining that both of his parents have passed away, and why. But he has a very hard time disclosing everything else that happened. Because his problems aren't 'real', of course, and it's just an extremely touchy subject for him in general. Been imagining for a while now that he has this whole Thing where he's far more focused on helping Adam with his own problems- and y’know, part of that is just the fact that when they finally reunite in my AU, Adam is obviously deeply in need of help, because things have gotten bad for him in the months following the bathroom trap. But another part is just Lawrence still having troubles with expressing his own struggles; whether they be traumatic incidents of the past, or the more current Jigsaw related traumas.

Adam eventually catches onto this, especially as his problems become less urgent. And while he's not necessarily going to interrogate Lawrence over anything, he does begin to more frequently urge him to talk about things when he's obviously upset. Lawrence still isn't as good at masking as he thinks he is, much to his dismay. Something specific that I imagine Adam reminding him, with a earnest voice of kindness and patience, is that "this isn't just about you helping me, it's about me helping you, too."

Lawrence does eventually start to open up more about his more current struggles, but it takes a good, long while before he begins scratching the surface of that period of his life. They would be upsetting conversations for the both of them, of course, but the fact that they happen at all are just testaments to the trust they've built together. They feel safer and safer being vulnerable with one another, and it brings them closer together.

And maybe, it brings them closer and closer to things finally just feeling okay.

...WOOH If you are here, thank you for reading- didn't think I was going to ramble this much, but EVIDENTLY I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS ON THIS THAN I REALIZED LMAO..... WHEN I SAY I HAVE A SMALL NOVEL WORTH OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THESE TWO I'M NOT LYING HRKSKGK

A lot of this is also still in the brainstorming stage at this point, so things may be subject to change :] WE SHALL SEE...

And thank you for the ask, and the kind words!!! I hope you enjoy my brainrot HSKGK

[lostsyren]

My unpopular obx opinions:

(I am NOT invalidating anyone’s interpretation of the show and its characters. Usually I’m very diplomatic in the way I phrase things but I couldn’t be bothered this time. So this is your warning!! And I’m open for discussion about anything!!)

– I have no interest in John B and Sarah as a couple. Like yeah they’re cute, but I don’t ship them particularly, or care about their development together

– The Cameron family are by far the most interesting aspect of the show, beating whatever the pogues have going on. Rafe and Sarah’s relationship is so fascinating, and Ward Cameron is such a good antagonist.

– I think it’s unfair to say jiara came out of left field. Their scenes in s1 were undeniable, probably due to Rudy and Madison’s off screen chemistry. I didn’t see the chemistry between Kie and Pope (the planned relationship). But jiara still shouldn’t have happened. JJ and Cleo could’ve been interesting and I honestly can see Pope and Kie get developed to point where it could’ve been believable.

– Having all the pogues neatly couple off together I disliked. The main reason I enjoyed s1 so much was the friendship dynamic. It felt reminiscent of movies like Stand by Me and The Goonies but modern. S3 came around and it just felt like your generic teen drama with cheating side plots and all of them getting with each other.

– Speaking of cheating, Sarah cheating on John B made sense😭. I feel it was inevitable. Whenever she feels disrespected in a relationship she moves on to try and regain some sense of control (like with Topper in s1). And her feeling alienated from the rest of the pogues felt accurate too– them all going back to their families and her with nothing? Yeah it makes sense she heads back to Topper–someone familiar and comforting.

– Barry being written out of s4 was upsetting. But it made sense given the nature of his relationship to Rafe. Rafe only goes to him when he needs something (be it advice, drugs, a gun, a means to push the narrative)

– People getting up in arms that Rafe got with a pogue??…bfr. His whole character is made up of contradictions. He says he hates pogues in s1 but spends half his time on the Cut, in a trailer park with his drug dealer. He doesn’t actually hate pogues (in the classist sense, he does hate John B and co.) He only says that because the rest of the kooks do and he wants to fit in. And he wants to get under the pogues’ skin and glean a reaction. Though I agree he is classist in other ways– like he thinks they just need to work harder, he hates the Cut, he doesn’t care about gentrification etc etc.. (but he’ll happily fuck them)

– Ward Cameron did love his kids. Yes he was greedy, but that greed was entwined with the desperate need to keep the family together. I kinda wanna make a post about his character hmn…

– Some of the criticism/hate on Sofia’s character is definitely motivated by how she disproves people’s perception of Rafe. Like idk what to say, sorry you had the wrong idea about him? I’ve made a post about this, but I genuinely think the two major Rafe Cameron camps are both wrong. He’s not this cocky womaniser or a depraved pervert…he’s literally just a messed up boy trying to be a man.

– Takes which say Sofia is a character who gives nothing are being dramatic. Like shoot me, but her and the Hollis plotline in s4 was actually interesting. I was most anticipating Rafe finding out about that in the period between p1 and p2. I liked how we got to see her family and her home. I liked how she was sweet and kind. The direction the Pates take in making all the female characters “strong and feisty” feels weird to me. People just hate her because she “gets in the way” of their own ships/ their delusions of self-shipping.

– I adore Cleo and Barry, but they’re just as underdeveloped as Sofia. They’re both used to further another character’s development (Pope and Rafe) but they don’t receive the same condemnation from the fandom.

– I dislike riara but not for the reasons I see other people do. I don’t think the kook year theory tracks– idk why everyone treats it like it actually happened, it’s just a headcanon. They didn’t have much chemistry. When I first watched the show and I found out people shipped them, I genuinely thought it was because she was the only available female character😭 The idea of them getting together is so unappealing to me. I just see them in the way Drew and Madison play them– Rafe as the creepy guy making fun on the only girl in the group and Kie as an outspoken hater of all things kook. Maybe it’s reductive of me, but all their scenes are just icky… perhaps people like that about them though? Meh

– Ruthie’s character was unnecessary BUT she was such a slay😭idk the hate for her feels so aggressive. (*how can you not say cunt like that’s cunt💅🏽*) She’s basically an embodiment of all those bitchy kook readers people like. I’m not defending her or anything but she was entertaining and hot okay?😭

– In a similar vein, hate for Kiara seems equally aggressive and weird. People will just throw around the most misogynistic takes… “she’s such a pick me girl…she’s a homie hopper…” She’s messy, that’s for sure, but her character is so unfairly ragged on. I js think the fandom has twisted her character into either being an extension of JJ or an extension of Rafe to fulfil those ships and she’s kinda been lost in all of that.

– Groff was such a goofy villain. No hate towards the actor, it’s just his character as a whole. His motivations were cartoonish and shallow. There was no depth to him. Following such a great villain like Ward, having this laughable dynamic between him and JJ was so odd. JJ believing in him and his bullshit felt ooc. Him killing his son bore no emotional relevance. Compared to the father/son scenes between Rafe and Ward, it js felt like they were trying to imitate that.

– JJ’s death was for sure not planned and didn’t fit the tone of the show. It kinda plunged it into this realism that changed the vibe completely. Whatever end the pogues reach it will be unsatisfying, because despite all the treasure they obtain, it won’t be worth the death of a friend.

– The pregnancy plot line was odd. That’s all I have to say. Why? I really don’t understand it.

– Ik everyone hates the proposal between Rafe and Sofia but it makes sense!! Like he was grasping onto the ONLY person who loved him and making sure she went nowhere when he left. And you can tell Sofia was shocked at the idea. She knew it was too much, but she ignored reason, grasping onto the prospect of his forgiveness and his acceptance. It was in character for both of them (and it ending like it did feels accurate too).

[unrav3l]

okay so. my take on Majima/Goromi/the gender queer subtext of his character.

i've met with an opinion that 80's Goromi wouldn't take place because Majima's use of drag is simply comedic and provocative. i do agree that if he wanted to pull off a drag perfomrance or even simply crossdress he could do it without making it look as campy as the Goromi we meet does. however.

i'm sure as hell that there are a lot of interpretations around Majima's sexuality and gender, i personally see him just as a queer person, open to any interpretations BUT the trans aspect is growing on me A LOT. when i say trans i dont mean full ftm/mtf transition as tbh i dont really care (yet. give me some time i'll get to it) if he's an amab or afab im looking more to the gender queer aspect of the character, the man we are given on screen.

Majima has a lot of connections to both feminity and transness. his connections to womanhood being often reflected in the way he has to put on constant act and role to please others or all the times he was forced into submission. Majima learns a lot how to manipulate others handing them the leash but still being the one to lead. it's also something that i think women tend to do - giving men the feeling of power when they're actually the ones to control the situation. he's relationships with girls in Sunshine shows that he often judges the relationship between women and men from the outer perspective, like he doesn't really consider himself in any of the sides (but i guess it also depends on the answers the player chooses). of course there's also the Hannya motive, the embodient of unfiltred female rage he has carved onto his skin. he sympathizes with women a lot more than he does with men and we see that a lot.

possible take on his transness comes from the complete isolation and all the facades he puts on. a huge part of Majima's character is the way he creates his image through his body. i've spoken before about the snakeskin jacket being possible active choice to immedietly let others know he's one wild bastard but we also know that the jacket is a symbol of the mad dog, the perfectly created dehumanising persona. he let's other see what he wants them to see, he doesn't really expresses himself. we see in PYIH that he's not fond of the unnecessarily scary image and "manly man" others take him for. he's funky, he's both rough and gentle, he's queer. in this very game we can see how his body language shifted, how the way he walks changed when he's put out of that hyper manly society. goro's steps are less wide, he sways a bit, his entire walk, whole movement is more smooth.

so like. we see that it is somewhere inside of him and only when he doesn't remember he's been hiding it it actually shows. therefore what if Goromi is actually mockery of his own feelings? what if he takes drag as another way to make himself invalid, unserious and wry?

don't want to sound stereotypical but feminity is often associeted with compassion and emotions, the very things majima's facade seems to completely block out of the way. he's a man of contrast and duality, thats why i think the she side of Majima's character is actually all the repressed emotions. it's as when he's a man of Tojo he's not allowed to feel. this might be another thing leading us to why Kiryu has such a strong hold on him. cause Kazuma is affectionate, he's a caring parental figure AND the empitome of masculanity. Majima didn't have a chance to become like that probably because of the events in 1985. they peeled it off him. the hole created someone he didn't know, turned him into someone he was never supposed to be.

there goes the shaved look in PYIH being called cabaret manager make up implying there's more to it than simple lack of facial hair. something. something about fresh out of torture Majima using make up, using gender expression as the only connection to any of the feelings and emotions he had pre-hole. and something about Majima leaving it all behind after y0, after the events starting his entire negative development and mad dog persona. then again, kiwami Goromi as mockery of his trauma and dehumanisation of his true self. then again im going crazy because of him. the contrast he puts to Kiryu, the way he wants to show Kazuma this somewhat humiliating to masculanity creation that Goromi is and Kazzy being just... wow Majima i didn't know you had that in you. Kiryu is chill, he doesn't judge, he doesn't think it makes him any less of who he is. and going back to what i said at the beggining, i think that Majima could turn into the most gorgeous woman and would feel comfortable with that BUT. kiwami is imo the peak of his self destructive behavior. and i think Goromi could be read in that aspect.

i guess what i'm trying to say is i see his gender queerness as something that's very personal to him, as a bridge to all the repressed stuff he doesn't let anyone see. in the aspects of sexuality he's still very queer coded even as the mad dog but if it goes for his gender and feminine side i truly belive it touches something much more emotional and intimate.

[hoonvrs]

responding to @wonryllis cause i don’t wanna reblog ur post seeing as u tagged it to be deleted late

apologising for a mistake means taking accountability and learning from what you’ve done, it doesn’t mean ‘apologising’ then going on to say why you are wary or wtv of those groups of people.

you’ve said ur not religious but then hold something against muslims and i assume only muslims cause you’ve never mentioned any distaste to any other religion. imagine if i took what you said and changed muslims to another religion or specific group of people, you being cautious or having negative feelings towards people because they’re muslim is islamaphobic whether you like it or not.

and i’m honestly down right disgusted you bring in your support for palestine to justify your actions because what’s happening there is a humanitarian issue not a religious one also ignoring how a large position of palestine if christian so you’re reach for sympathy does not touch me.

you should’ve just deleted your previous reply to that anon, apologised to the other anon telling you they were uncomfortable with your response and moved on instead you literally put out ur opinion on a whole religious group. just because you’re not religious yourself doesnt excuse this, everyone has trauma but using it as a reason why you don’t feel comfortable with muslims is not it. by your logic do i not have a right to be offended on what u said?? or do i have to invalidate my feelings to valide yours, this is tmblr please im here to write and read not be cautious cause someone wants to hide their islamaphobia with trauma

i’m genuinely sorry you had to go through that because no one deserves it but i am not sorry in calling you out for what i saw you being, i never encourage people to send hate about other religions as i respect all religions or send hate directly to you but what other people do is out of my control.

next time before you wanna tell me to watch the weight of my words, don’t talk about a whole religion that doesn’t involve you.

anyways i’m going to bed now goodnight <3

[evermoreparkbadger]

Timestamped responses to Jenny Nicholson's new Patreon ramble about Evermore.

You'll have to be subbed to her Patreon to have any context for these, but Patreon is also pretty bad at sorting and finding comments so I'm reposting it here for a bit more visibility.

4:34 I hadn’t heard of him either, despite the fact that I was a performer during time he was supposedly a manager. This isn’t really surprising, ground-level employees scarcely received communication from or about anything above their department’s management.

6:55 Hi Bob! He was actually a cast member at Evermore for one season. This was after he had already been reporting on Evermore for a while, and AFAIK none of his content even during or after that period was endorsed by the park. I can attest he is as friendly and genuine in person as he is in his videos, and a great guy.

7:07 There were several others during the first few years. After Evermore announced in early 2021 that they were discontinuing all stories, quest, and characters they had done up until that point and changing to a more story-light experience, several of the most dedicated fans and frequent guests stopped engaging with the park, including any who made content about it.

8:32 Yeah. They did reorganize and lay people off several times, but only below a certain point in seniority. Obviously Ken himself and any business partners or investors that had any stake in the company maintained control. Though, if they ever “managed” anything, it was done in a very hands-off way and dictated through several layers of employees.

9:55 This kind of toxic positivity is rampant in Utah. Any type of criticism or discontent towards any leadership, usually rich, straight, white men, is highly frowned upon. Literally, in this case. The people who dare to express negative opinions or challenge the status quo (who are often not rich straight white men) are then viewed as problematic and practically shunned. Anyone who criticizes or challenges is bad, bad people are untrustworthy, therefore their criticisms and opinions are invalid.

10:23 Also strange since he did create a TTRPG company. If anything, I think that would qualify someone as a “nerd” themselves.

10:45 Exactly!

11:12 Ken held strong control over a lot of aspects of the park and the business, but it’s obviously far too big of an operation for one person to micro-manage so much of it. Another example is he wouldn’t let anyone change the Evermore website. It was commonly suggested to use the website as a way to communicate storylines and background information for new guests but it never happened. It’s unclear if Ken outright refused that, or if he didn’t mind the idea but wouldn’t do it himself or let anyone else have access to do it.

13:25 There were times when the food at the park was good. I don’t know if they were only able to have better food by cutting corners, operating without being under code, and then changed once they were under scrutiny (remember when one of the buildings lit on fire?), or if they just cut costs.

17:40 I think [Jenny is] probably right, and I don’t think this was the only time it or something similar happened. There were several times Ken would try to bring new money in, and sometimes people would bite-only to quickly back out after learning how bad the situation was.

18:50 That would require admitting fault or failure from park leadership, and thus would have never happened.

22:50 This aggravates me lol. Changing the official Facebook page name for the park changed all my “worked at” and tagged posts to say “Thecrookedlantern” instead of “Evermore Park” and it looks awful and drives me crazy.

23:30 I’m definitely biased here but I do think that some of the intellectual property that Ross now owns does have some value, or at least at one point had the potential to, but ironically it was all but abandoned after the aforementioned 2021 announcement. The worldbuilding and characters had their moments, and the Evermore Realms card game, while a relatively small project, was reportedly actually profitable for Evermore. There was an entire second set of cards designed and ready to print that never saw the light of day. Furthermore, even though Ross technically owns all the intellectual property from Evermore, he might not even be aware of most of it. Even if he was it probably wasn't properly archived anywhere. He’d have to dig through old employee emails Google Drives to piece it together, if that data even still exists or he has any way to access it, or rehire someone who worked on it to attempt to recreate it.

25:25 An Evermore property only designed to look nice and not actually facilitate people or events there? Consider me shocked. /s

30:00 Beyond the Gates is not the first former employee/fans spiritual successor that has been attempted. I was briefly involved with a group called Mynheras larp that was also the same concept. Their goal was to not have the same problems Evermore had and then almost immediately began falling apart because they were having the same problems Evermore had-at least on the creative side of things. They didn’t have any money. I haven’t worked with Beyond the Gates but there are good and talented people who are involved and I wish them the best.

31:20 I’d like to think most of us are appreciative towards the work [Jenny] did and agree with all the criticism [Jenny] made (and more), and I know several of us are, but it is Utah. I would be disappointed, but not surprised, to find a handful who hold undue resentment towards [Jenny].

39:00 I don’t know anything about this exhibit in particular, but there were so many incredibly talented people who were exploited, burned, and abandoned by Evermore. Several sculptors and creature-creators worked for months to years before the park opened, and then were laid off within months of the park opening. I’m glad to see some of their efforts and creations survived and are being put to some use.

42:30 I’m getting emotional and nostalgic seeing these omg ;_;

44:25 oh I’m so glad you had the opportunity to speak to one of them directly!

44:50 YES. This was actually a part of a big and surprising problem with Evermore’s development and how there was no intellectual property developed (e.g. story and characters) before they had to start building them. I’ll go into this in more depth in my eventual video about my experiences at Evermore if I ever finish it

45:28 yep yep yep

46:20 YEP YEP YEP

47:00 I actually didn’t know a lot of this either and it explains a lot.

47:20 and while I’m sure this all true, a lot of the puppets and creature suits did fall into significant disrepair and were never fixed.

51:20 I never personally saw any of this behavior but I did hear about it from others who I 100% believe.

52:00 My impression is that he’s not evil or malicious per se, but is someone whose ego far surpasses his competence and refuses to acknowledge or accept his failures or shortcomings. When confronted with them, he lashes out.

EDIT: I have since seen his recent Twitter replies. He has gone full alt-right Musk bro. Evermore was something of a haven for a lot of marginalized communities in Utah, not to mention -he has queer children himself-, so him revealing those opinions is a complete betrayal. I try to afford some benefit of doubt where possible, but he’s shown his true colors.

55:00 this is hilarious and I never heard these details before. While, I believe, none of the displays were intended to be specifically religious, several of the antiques were originally religious in nature and several sculptures made for the park were themed similarly. It all felt very classically Catholic or Anglican, which is funny to do in Utah where the population is very religious and conservative but specifically (and proudly) NOT Catholic or Anglican. Mormons. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

56:55 lmao we literally called that building “the barn” the first couple of seasons.

57:55 I was under the impression that the tavern was one of the few that was an original design, but maybe that was just the interior.

59:10 As far as I know, they never attempted to sell liquor on the park premises outside of the premium special events and Vander’s Keep. Corners were cut constantly, but I don’t think they were ever this bold with it. I’m sure he wanted to, but it would be impossible to get away with in Utah. It would stand out so much compared to any other similar attraction in the state, and enough of the population would actually be shocked and offended at the presence of alcohol that some suburban parents with too much time on their hands would report them immediately.

1:00:30 I don’t recall any specific details but there were several liens and lawsuits from contractors who weren’t paid even in the first year Evermore was open.

1:01:40 I’m not an authority on this subject but I don’t actually think this was the case for this building. The upper floor did have “pillars”, but they weren’t put in until several years after the park opened and were clearly fake and not structurally integral. There were antique stone columns in the park (and I once heard they were actually the oldest artifacts on site), but they were across the graveyard from the building around the weird shrine with the antique statue of Saint Apollonia, the Catholic patron saint of dentistry. To be clear, the mausoleum could easily have not been up to code but it wasn’t because there were marble columns in the upper floor. I’m not trying to defend the park by any means, but I’d like to try to keep the facts straight to paint an accurate picture.

1:03:50 These details are also new to me and also not a surprise. Infrastructure throughout the park was very limited. Again, I’m not an expert and don’t know the specifics, but the idea of hosting mid-sized performances and concerts was brought up several times almost immediately when the park opened, and I was told the infrastructure couldn’t support anything like that. Not even electricity for proper lights and sound.

1:04:50 As far as I know this is correct. I’m sure new owners wouldn’t want to inherit all the problems, debts, and negative reputation Evermore Park the company has, but it is sad that the park and the intellectual property have been separated.

1:12:13 I’m getting flashbacks to hbomberguy revealing that Tommy Tallarico wasn’t actually on MTV Cribs

1:16:00 While I’m also not particularly optimistic, this is still a much better outcome than having it all be demolished and bulldozed for condominiums.

1:20:00 This isn’t the first time this has happened in Utah. They seem to be copying a trend of semi-high-profile scavenger hunts that have taken place in the state over the past several years. Unsurprisingly, the winners are always the people who can afford to commit the most time to it (i.e. not working a day job), which aren’t the people that could use the money the most.

1:32:20 Amongst the several, several red flags around Realm Town (and that terrible, terrible name), the one point of optimism I’ll give is that the man in this footage here (he’s not as public as the owners so I won’t name him but for all I know he introduces himself in one of their videos) is the former “Project Director” at Evermore from late 2019 until the layoffs in 2021, and was in a senior creative position for at least a year before that. He was creatively involved in all the storylines and “gameplay” that existed during what is considered to be Evermore’s peak, and experienced firsthand all the traps, shortcomings, frustrations, and challenges in developing and operating Evermore. Him returning to the land formerly-known-as-Evermore is something of a redemption arc, or could be. I would say that because of his direct, firsthand experience that he is one of the more qualified people who could direct this project, but judging by everything you’re pointing out here I worry he is in a similar position under the Foxes as he was under Ken. But I also wonder, because of the new ownership’s apparent cluelessness and aimlessness, if he and/or other people passionate about the park were the ones who encouraged them to purchase the land in the first place.

1:50:40 Meh. If they didn’t know what they were getting into when they purchased the land then you’re just educating them about it now. Anyone reasonable would be grateful for it, but maybe it’s unrealistic to expect that anyone who owns these projects to be reasonable.

1:52:10 Oh! There it is! The card game. I am forever bitter about it because the characters I played weren’t included in the initial set that was printed but were going to be in the finished but unpublished second set. Someone who had connections to its development very generously leaked the art to me and it’s amazing and I don’t know if I can even legally share it.

I moved states after my last season at Evermore in August 2023, so I don’t have too much more insight into Realm Town or any other ongoing developments. What small relevance I’ve had here is quickly diminishing haha. I mentioned in another comment that I’m working on a video describing my experiences at Evermore. I say this not to self-promote, but hopefully by making myself accountable to some other people I might be encouraged enough to actually finish it. Big thanks yet again to Jenny for her earnest and thorough approach to this fascinating topic (and to all the topics she covers on her channel) that means a lot, or meant a lot, to several passionate and talented people and for encouraging large-scale creative endeavors to meet their potential by offering helpful and specific criticisms and ideas.

[moronkyne]

I updated my Seer 101.

Bare with me here

Basic Seer Facts;

- Seers can be latents or human born

- Sight can not be learned. Either you are born with the ability to see the future or you can’t at all. Not even demons can use this magic

- Foresight is inseparable from the magical core, only way to get rid of the foresight is to cut threads of power (removing all magic)

- They can use any sort of magic (like freelancers—yet all sorts of magic seem to come easier to seers)

- All Seers are sunbound

- Seers can in fact not be turned into vampires

- They can *easily hide* their cores cleverly from any other race

- The magical race (Yk, seers) are very, very rare.

- Specific things like stress or caffeine and trigger their sight powers. Really, depends on who you are. It varies.

- Choose not to use your sight and your powers will build up in pressure, involuntarily releasing as sight magic. Like a valve. You can open it, or it can burst itself

- Involuntary sight is pretty disorienting, lowkey feels like derealization if I were to have a say in it

- Can control the length, depth, and pretty much anything else out of sight. It’s at the control of the holder as long as they *know* how to control it

Important must knows;

- Although Seers can “*see the future*”, they ACTUALLY only see the variables in the situation. It’s like mathematics and quantity. Probability machines. NOT SET IN STONE. Nothing is confirmed because factors within the sight can be *obscured*. Ex; people, places, situations, etc

- E’laetum had been looking to find a solution to vampires and boom here we have seers (I’ll. Figure out how to write this soon)

- The last Seer that the department had record of was *waaay* back in the early 1800s. Morgan and his listener are the only two recorded Seer Obscura in their century that have come forward about it. It’s likely that they are the definite only two.

- The inversion shifted the timeline (within dahlia, I’m imagining) in all. Everything seen about the future that was sought after before the events of the inversion became invalid because of the part that death played in the situation. (And death is…obscured oddly. I think it has something to do with the river but I may be reading this wrong. I’ll figure it out)

Other;

- Morgan’s listener (The one which fandom has just deemed “Seer Obscura”) hid their core and covered it with an aura of an illusory (another empowerment.) This means that nobody (**besides** other seers) knew they were a seer. All seers tend to be talented at this.

- I’m sure that we all know that Blake ALSO hid his aura/core thingy. As a dream walker—To which he was able to “prove” because he was able to use dreamwalker magic. (Seers can use any sort of magic (like freelancers—yet all sorts of magic seem to come easier to seers)

Obscura and Obscured;

- It’s hard to see any (if any at all, which is said to be impossible) future that an Obscura is in. Their presence obscures and deforms the way seers use their powers. The closer you come to the obscured factor within your vision, the more static it becomes. It doesn’t completely block out, yet deranges it.

- There are places/actions that are obscured as well, which means not only people. For example: death & Aria itself.

- Any race of empowered beings can be Obscuras, actually. The title of obscura only means that your presence interferes with the timeline/sight. For all we know, someone like David could be an Obscura.

- Erik confirmed that d(a)emons themselves are not always obscured, only Aria.

The Soldality:

What is The Soldality? A group of seers who live publicly known for the race that they are, which is rare because seers tend to be in hiding. They are protected by the department. They all watch the time streams and predict what the future would be. Most of them believe that there is a certain known outcome.

- The “known outcome” does not take account of those places and people who are obscured, making this group invalid in plenty of ways.

- Morgan himself is apart of the Soldality yet seems to have his doubts about it.

[angsty-elf]

-Behind Closed Doors-

Chapter 3: Greed (FINAL)

note: this was originally posted on AO3 last july as a 3-part fic under my other handle professor_freaksworth, figured I would add it here since we'll be getting the reze arc movie soon ✨

word count: 21.4k, including all 3 chapters

summary: you have been living with and working alongside aki for around a year now, mostly keeping things professional, until aki catches you in a lie. will his petty jealousy push you away, or ignite something inside of him he's been desperately trying to ignore?

content: very mild dub-con + drinking + smoking + pining + eventual smut + fem!reader + jealousy + angst + fluff + cunnilingus + blow jobs + ass play + unsafe sex + slight power dynamic/light dom/sub + unsafe sex + aki being a jealous baby + smut in the final chapter

characters: this fic centers around aki x reader, including some platonic denji x reader interactions + original male character mentioned(for the plot) + other csm characters are mentioned and are present mostly in the second chapter.

CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2

kohai: junior

Since you were coherent enough to walk home without help, Denji insisted you play that fighting game with him almost immediately upon entering the apartment, not hesitating in the slightest when he resorted to guilt-tripping you about being gone last night when it looked like you might say no.

Surprisingly, Aki sat at the table, watching the two of you as he nursed an Asahi from the fridge. He was mostly quiet, save for a few underhanded comments to Denji when his character was getting its ass kicked. You played for maybe an hour before Denji was actively passing out with the controller in his hand.

Aki stopped you when you moved to roll Denji’s futon out. I got it, you should rest. Like you were some sort of invalid and not just a drunken degenerate. Any retort you had stocked in your mental arsenal was lost on your tongue when his gaze fell to that side of your neck, a barely noticeable dusting of pink littering his cheeks. Instead of whatever stupid thing you had in mind to say, you blurted out a too-fast “Goodnight!” and ran off to your bedroom.

You’re not sure how long it’s been, but you haven’t slept. Staring at your ceiling, replaying over and over the way Aki’s hands had felt on you, the eagerness of his mouth on your sensitive skin. The electricity that shot through you from his touch was a separate beast entirely compared to how it had felt when it was Daichi, and you wonder what might’ve happened if you hadn’t been interrupted, or if he had decided to take you back to the apartment instead of returning to the group.

You hadn’t thought in a million years he would ever go for it like that, and you’re still having to convince yourself it even happened at all in an attempt not to gaslight yourself. He’s been acting no differently than usual since it happened, you’re not sure if you should be relieved or disappointed.

You might be a little disappointed.

“God damn it,” you whine quietly to yourself, covering your face with the crook of your elbow.

Aki’s embrace alone had been enough to make you uncomfortably soaked, and if you’re being honest with yourself, it never really stopped. Even now as you’re laying in bed, in your favorite giant t-shirt and fresh underwear, you can feel arousal seeping out of you, enough to where you’ll likely have to change your panties again.

Letting out a tired sigh, you give in, cursing Aki’s name under your breath as you slip your hand under the elastic of your underwear. You aren’t going to get any sleep if you don’t get this out of your system.

***

Aki hasn’t been keeping track of the number of cigarettes he’s had today, probably too many, but fuck, he wants another one.

He’s turned on out of his mind, but he can’t even bring himself to rub one out because of how guilty he feels. Taking advantage of you in the izakaya restroom wasn’t exactly what he had in mind when he wanted an excuse to take care of you, and he’s terrified that you’ll hate him tomorrow when all the alcohol is out of your system and everything’s back to reality.

He just couldn’t help himself, the way you were looking at him so innocently, completely ignorant to how many times he’s imagined what it might be like to feel your bare skin under his fingertips and have the taste of you on his tongue.

Aki couldn’t even look at you when you went back to the table, afraid it might be obvious something went down between the two of you to the rest of the Division. While Himeno had teased him initially about taking an “awfully long time”, she dropped it fairly quickly when he refused to take the bait. He could feel the way Denji kept eyeing him from the other end of the table, of course, the hybrid being the only person there sober enough to sense something was weird.

As dense as Denji is, he’s still probably a little more perceptive than someone who has at least five cheap beers in their system. Likely for your sake, though, he kept his mouth shut. The accusatory glares he was throwing Aki’s way said a lot on their own, and he had even demanded to be the one to help you out of the building when it was time to leave, grabbing your bag for you and everything, which made Aki wish he had shattered his nose this morning instead of just causing some light bleeding.

Breathing out a sigh, he sits up in his bed. He hasn’t even changed out of his uniform yet - with the exception of loosening his tie - too scattered to do anything but brood.

If there was a devil on his shoulder, it would be telling him how much of a dumbass he was for not insisting on taking you home as soon as you left the bathroom, that he might not ever get a chance like that again. He has no idea what the fuck an angel would say, good job not sticking your dick in your inebriated kohai even though you really wanted to?

Repressing a shudder, he shakes his head.

He did really want to. He still does, the way his cock is stiff in his pants and the high likelihood of precum staining his boxers is proof of that.

Glancing at his closed bedroom door, he wonders if you might still be awake.

Actually, he’s not sure he cares if you are, sleep deprivation and the ghost feeling of your warm body in his grasp bringing his Mammonistic longing to a fever-pitch. If you are asleep, he’ll wake you up, even if it’s just to apologize. The idea of you withdrawing from him or resenting him makes his stomach lurch, he doesn’t think he could bear it. He needs another chance to touch you again.

I’ll just see if her light is still on, he tells himself as he stands up, carefully creeping out into the hallway, almost silently.

I’ll leave her alone if it’s dark, he promises as he stands in front of your door, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat. Maybe she won’t even remember what happened.

Fuck.

His heart sinks like a stone in his chest when there’s no light filtering out the bottom of your door, his hands flexing impatiently at his sides. As much as he wants to reach out and turn the handle, he can’t bring himself to.

About to throw in the towel and skulk back to his room, he suddenly freezes, hearing something. Holding his breath, he presses his ear against your door, wincing at the clicking sound of his earring against the wood.

He hears something again, hushed swearing followed by the dull thud of hurried footsteps.

What the hell?

He’s not quick enough to get out of the way when your door suddenly swings open and you barrel into his chest, your nose slamming into his sternum, making him wheeze.

“Fucking ow…” You cover your nose with your hand, not seeming to register what happened until you’re looking up at him, a crease forming between your brows. “What- why are you standing outside my door like some sort of ghoul?” Your voice is a confused whisper, muffled by your palm.

Aki’s face burns as he looks down his nose at you, his hands lightly holding onto your upper-arms. “I was- um, I’m sorry…” He wets his lips nervously before adding in a low tone. “Why were you charging out here like you were about to kick somebody’s ass?”

Your eyes widen, and Aki can see pink blooming behind your fingers. “I wasn’t!”

“You sure? Cause I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have a tiny, nose-shaped bruise on my chest tomorrow.” He grabs at your wrist, trying to pull your hand away from your face. “Let me see.”

You resist for a second, but inevitably relent, allowing him to expose your bright red nose. He nearly smirks at the childish look on your face.

“Does it hurt?”

“No.”

You both kind of just look at each other for a moment, matching dark circles under your eyes. He regrets not stopping by the washroom beforehand, he’s sure he must look like a fucking nutcase the way his hair is loose and messed up from tossing and turning, and how he’s still in his Public Safety uniform even thought it’s likely past 3:00am. While your hair is also disheveled, he notices that you washed your makeup off, and changed into that way-too-big shirt you like.

So damn cute. It’s almost annoying. Additional frustration is piled on when he realizes he can’t tell if you have anything on underneath, shorts or otherwise. Chewing on the inside of his lip, his gaze travels above your head and into your room, which is dimly lit by the small lamp you have on your nightstand. You seem to notice where he’s looking, and you panic, barring your doorway with your arms like you’re a bouncer. “D-don’t look!”

He quirks a brow, amused that you think barricading the doorway with your body will somehow prevent him from seeing over your head.

The way your arms have lifted, the hem of your shirt slides up your thighs, and he can tell for sure now that you definitely don’t have your usual shorts on. He feels beads of sweat form on the back of his neck. What were you doing, storming out here in nothing but a t-shirt?

Ignoring your dramatic whisper-yell of protest, he looks anyway. Right away, he can see at least three different vibrators strewn about on your floor, recognizing them from his indiscretion earlier. His heart jumps in his chest, blatant surprise on his face when he looks at you again.

Lower lip trembling, you bury your face in your hands, like that would somehow make you disappear. “You- I said not to look…” Your voice is small and pathetic, Aki might feel sorry for you if it wasn’t for the pure elation he was experiencing.

You had been awake all this time, playing with yourself. Unsuccessfully, he determines, from the way it looks like your toys had been thrown and the way you seemed obviously frustrated. A divine smack of understanding hits him, and his eyebrows shoot up. Were you about to seek him out, and he just happened to beat you to it?

A loud snore comes from the living room down the hall, Aki makes a hair-trigger decision and gently pushes you backwards into your bedroom. You’re too humiliated to fight.

You still don’t uncover your face, even when you hear the door ‘click’ shut and he leads you to sit on the edge of your bed, the mattress dipping when he takes a spot next to you.

“Are you gonna come out of there?”

Wordlessly, you shake your head side-to-side.

Aki sighs, and you feel weight lifted from the mattress.

A shocked yelp leaves your lips when you’re roughly shoved backwards onto the mattress and your hands are torn away from your face. In a split second your wrists are bound in Aki’s hand and firmly planted above your head, leaving you nowhere to hide as he looms over you.

“It’s too late for this,” he mutters, his voice authoritative and tinged with exhaustion. “You were about to come to my room, weren’t you?” The grip on your wrists tightens, phthalo eyes scorching into you beneath hooded lids. “You must need something, huh? Tell me. Use your big girl words.”

He doesn’t let up, even though your eyes are huge, watering from shame and embarrassment, tears pooling at your lash line. He doesn’t care that you’re looking at him like a scared rabbit that’s just been ripped from the ground only to be rudely plummeted back into the earth, broken and split open so hungry mouths can feast. He’ll beg for forgiveness later. For now, he needs to hear you say it.

Finally, you speak, a pitiful waver in your voice.

“I just- I needed…” You look away, sniffling as a frustrated tear threatens to spill over and trickle down towards your ear.

Aki should feel guilty at the sight, but instead it makes his cock throb, and all he wants to do is lap it up. “What do you need?” He loosens his grip on your wrist, just barely enough so he can soothingly stroke at the skin with his thumb, murmuring softly. “I won’t know how to help you unless you tell me.”

His eyes fall to your breasts, pupils darkening when he notices the peaks of your nipples straining against the fabric of your shirt and the way you rub your thighs together, squirming under his scrutiny. Rudely, he forces your legs apart with his knee, making it so you’re unable to get any sort of friction, ignoring the petulant whine it earns him.

“Come on,” he coaxes, his free hand moving to rest on your thigh, digging his fingers lightly into the soft flesh.

“…more…”

The word makes Aki’s heart skip a beat. He could barely hear you, only certain you said something because of the intent way he’s been watching your mouth. “Louder.”

“More.”

The neediness in your voice betrays the dirty look you’re giving him, forcing him to suppress a smirk. He’s not going to ask you for clarification, there’s no need. He can sense the warmth radiating from the apex of your thighs through the material of his slacks, and he’s not even touching you.

“There you go. That wasn’t so hard, huh?” There’s a hint of mockery in Aki’s voice, but a tenderness in the way he searches your expression. Slowly, he releases your wrists, moving to cup your cheek in his palm. “Keep your hands away from your face,” he warns, thumb caressing the damp skin under your eye.

When you offer him a meek nod, he dips down to place a soft kiss onto the corner of your mouth. “I’m going to touch you now, okay?”

The question is rhetorical. When he slides his hand further up the smooth skin of your thigh, he can feel you shiver underneath him, and when his fingers meet the edge of your panties, you cling onto his biceps tight enough that he can feel your blunt nails through his blazer.

Slipping underneath the fabric, he’s met instantly with the wet heat of your pussy, groaning softly when the tips of his fingers are drenched in the sticky arousal leaking out of you.

“You are worked up, aren’t you?” He murmurs against your lips, slowly tracing up and down your slit, like he’s trying to memorize exactly how it feels. “No wonder you’re being such a crybaby.”

You let out an annoyed sound of objection at his teasing and he’s quick to placate you, molding his lips to yours, his tongue sliding eagerly into your mouth when you allow him access.

The hand that had been cupping your cheek creeps lower to lightly wrap around your neck, giving it a possessive squeeze before releasing it to cradle the base of your skull instead. Deepening the kiss, his tongue languidly explores your mouth while his middle finger begins to tease your entrance, eliciting a soft gasp from you. To his benefit, his knee prevents your thighs from clamping shut, and he smoothly slides his finger inside you. A strained sound gets stuck in your throat and your hands are quick to find the nape of his neck, your nails scraping against his scalp as you pull at his hair.

Aki lifts from your mouth enough so he can look at you, his eyes darkening at the blatant desperation on your face. “Look at you. All this over one finger?” His thumb swipes idly at your clit while the digit inside you glides in and out at such an unhurried pace it’s almost tortuous, you feel like you’re going to lose your fucking mind.

“Such a dick,” you mutter half-heartedly under your breath, letting out a hiss when he adds another finger, stretching you more.

Continuing his agonizingly slow ministrations, he grips your face with the hand that isn’t buried in you. “Me?” He asks sternly, gazed locked onto yours. “The guy who’s playing with your pussy?”

“Yeah…” Nearly a whisper, the nervousness in your tone makes the word sound more like a question than a definitive statement. The calculated way he’s looking at you is almost unnerving, and it makes you clench involuntarily around his fingers.

You almost let out a cry of disappointment when Aki abruptly slides his hand out from under your soaked underwear, body straightening so he’s no longer looming over you. Expression never wavering, he removes his tie, folding it up into a neat square while his eyes rake over your body. Inadvertently, you have just given him an opportunity to see how far he can push you, and he’s not going to waste it.

“What are you-”

“Open your mouth.”

“Wait- why?” You stammer, blinking up at him.

“Well, since you think I’m such a dick and all, I would regret it if I didn’t do my best to live up to your expectations.” He states calmly, a flicker of something unreadable in his gaze. “Open up.”

When you hesitate, a trickle of ice drips down his spine, worried he may be going too far, assuming too much. Even if you’re willing to let him touch you, you have no obligation to do what he says outside of work. You could very well tell him to fuck off if he pushes it and he’s honestly surprised he’s gotten this far already.

Feeling like he’s starting to suffocate from the weight of “what ifs”, he’s seconds away from groveling when you obey, propping yourself up on your elbows. There’s a hint of confusion in your expression, but the intrigue under the surface is stronger, and a balmy wave of relief washes over his body.

You barely part the seam of your lips when Aki grasps your jaw, stuffing the folded tie into your mouth, deep enough to where you’re probably uncomfortable but not enough to make you choke. He would be lying to himself if he said he wouldn’t love to see you gag, but he’d much rather it be on his dick. The tie is just a pacifier, to shut you up for a minute so he can do what he wants and give you what you need.

“That’s better,” he remarks, heart beating wildly in his chest. Your pink lips are stretched, mouth full, a surprised and sheepish look veiling your sweet face. His cock is practically pulsing at the sight of you.

Unceremoniously and without warning, he flips you onto your stomach, ignoring the muffled noise of protest as he lifts your hips into the air so your back is beautifully curved and arched for him. A smug smirk plays at his lips when you glare at him indignantly over your shoulder, maintaining eye contact as he shrugs out of his blazer, tossing it to the floor before popping open the first two buttons of his shirt.

“It might be uncomfortable, but I need you to put your hands behind your back.” He says plainly, undoing his belt and sliding it out of the loops of his slacks, the swishing sound making you flinch.

At this angle Aki can see the wet spot on the crotch of your panties is almost completely soaked through, making his mouth water. You’re quicker to comply this time, a lingering mixture of hesitance and anticipation in your gaze. As soon as your arms are behind your back, he wastes no time securing your wrists together with the thin leather material of his belt, careful not to cut the circulation off to your hands, muttering soothing words of praise at your cooperation.

Leaning back to appreciate his work, he’s sure it must be painful.

The way your chest and the side of your face is crushed into your bedding, unable to support your upper body in the slightest, an almost unbearable amount of strain put on your neck and shoulders from having your arms forced behind you. Aki can hear a quiet, pathetic sound coming from your throat, but you make no move to adjust your position, eyes glimmering when he gently murmurs. That’s right, stay just like that for me. Such a good girl, aren’t you? Always out to please, even if it hurts.

Your shirt is pooled near the base of your ribcage, exposing the skin of your back, the soft curve of your waist and hips. Greedily, his hands roam over you, gripping possessively at every give of flesh, every dip and contour you have to offer him. His touch seems omnipresent, scorching you from the inside out. Even though he’s been neglecting the part where you need him most, you’re practically writhing underneath him.

“Getting impatient?” Aki asks in a patronizing tone. His hands find the meat of your ass, fingertips digging in aggressively before moving upward to tease at the waistband of your underwear. You look up at him pleadingly with lacquered eyes. He huffs. “Since when did you get so spoiled?”

In a careful yet deliberate motion, he slides your panties down over the swell of your backside, leaving them limp, drenched and useless around your knees.

Aki sees you clearly now. Dripping wet, bare and glistening, completely vulnerable. He’s almost too dazed to note the little sound you made at having your needy sex abruptly exposed to the cool air of your bedroom.

Fuck. Gritting his teeth, his hand flies to pinch at the tip of his cock over his slacks. He’s been painfully hard for a while now, and seeing you like this nearly sent him over the edge. Taking a couple breaths, he tries to pull himself together.

“It’s like you think you’re the only one who’s been suffering,” he mutters, voice strained and barely audible as he spreads you, watching a trail of arousal drip down between the V of his fingers and onto the back of his hand. “Is that it?” He’s so close now that you can feel his breath ghosting over your sensitive flesh, making you shudder.

When he places a tentative kiss onto your already swollen clit, you let out a muffled cry, flinching involuntarily at the sensation.

“Hold still,” he warns, hands moving just below your ass to grab onto the sides of your thighs, preventing you from wriggling around. Flattening his tongue, he runs a hot stripe from your clit up to your opening, forcing his tongue inside and swallowing the juices that trickle down his throat with a low groan.

You can’t think anymore, not even of the burning of your shoulders or the way it’s hard to breath with your chest crushed against your mattress. All you can think of is the way Aki’s tongue feels on you, desperate and sloppy at one moment, precise and leisurely at the next, his grip on your thighs almost bruising.

The tie in your mouth is drenched and drool has started to spill out the corner of your mouth, soaking into the bedspread beneath you, but you hardly notice. Aki’s fingers are in you now, pumping slowly in and out while he lazily sucks at your clit, you can feel a hot coil of desire building in your womb, almost snapping when he puts increasing pressure onto the soft spot inside your walls that makes you feel like your mind is going to break.

You’re so close, right at the cusp when his long fingers slide out of you, swiftly replaced by his thumb, but it’s only swirling around the surface now, gathering fluid. Annoyed, you buck lightly against his face in an attempt to get him to put something back in you before you lose it, and that earns you a sharp swat to the inside of your thigh, hard enough to make you gasp.

“Don’t be an impatient brat,” Aki scolds, continuing to gather your arousal onto his thumb before sliding up your fleshy cheek to circle slowly around the rim of your ass. Your eyes flash wide open. When you let out a high-pitched sound of objection, Aki soothingly caresses you with his other hand, tracing lazy circles around your aching clit with the tip of his tongue.

“It’s alright,” he murmurs, the low tone vibrating against you as he presses more firmly against the taught ring. “You wanted more, didn’t you?”

Heart fluttering like a caged bird in your chest, you emit a reluctant hum of agreement, even though your hands are flexing nervously behind your back and you feel like you can’t catch your breath. You eventually find yourself starting to relax, melting into the feeling of his warm mouth against you and the tender way he’s stroking the skin of your thigh. When Aki feels you loosen more at his gentle touch, he pushes past the resistance and submerges the tip of his thumb into you, pausing for a moment so you can get used to the intrusion. You groan.

“Not so bad, huh?” Aki mutters between sloppy licks, slowly sinking his thumb deeper. “Relax and let me take care of you.”

When he hears an affirmative moan come from you, he feels his shoulders sink, unaware that he was tensing them. Not holding back any longer, he practically cannibalizes you, licking and sucking on your pussy like he’s starving. His thumb glides in and out of your asshole at a steady pace, making a shiver shoot up your spine and your eyes roll to the back of your head.

It’s relentless, and soon you find your legs shaking uncontrollably, tears flowing out of the corners of your eyes. The black tie in your mouth is a sopping, disgusting mess, you can’t take it anymore and force it out of your mouth with your tongue, a thick string of saliva following it.

“Aki! Wait, please- I can’t!” Your words are no longer suppressed but they’re hardly coherent, wobbly and disjointed from the intensity. “T-too much!”

Uncaring that you’ve managed to un-gag yourself, your pathetic begging only drives Aki to double his efforts. He cruelly teases your pulsing flesh, his thumb showing no sign of slowing down. His mouth is coated, chin dripping with your essence, making it feel like he’s melting into you. It’s ecstasy, the way you taste and the way you’re crying his name. He needs you to fucking cum already so he doesn’t blow a load into his boxers.

Swiveling the position of his hand, he shoves his index and middle finger into your cunt, fucking you with his fingers and stilling his thumb, letting it remain snug inside of you. A strained sound forms in his throat when he starts to feel both of your holes lightly pulse around his digits, knowing you’re getting close. His actions grow more controlled and purposeful, wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking hard, tongue flicking at the swollen cluster of nerves while his fingers scissor inside of you, stretching you more. Finally, you break, a choked wail ripping from your throat as you cum hard enough for black spots to speckle your vision.

Fuck, that’s it. Aki lets out a low groan as a gush of your arousal drips down to his tongue, licking you clean until you’ve finished riding your high, only removing his mouth from your overstimulated flesh when he’s sure the peak of your orgasm has passed. He slows the pace of his fingers when your aftershocks begin to subside. His gaze remains locked on to the way your dripping pussy accepts his fingers so easily, like it’s been waiting for him.

He wonders to himself if it would accept his cock with the same eagerness. In fact, he thinks that if he doesn’t pull his dick out and bury himself in you right now, he might actually die. But, he’s not in his current position due to lack of control, so instead he reluctantly slides his fingers out of you and wipes his mouth off onto the sleeve of his shirt before gently freeing your wrists from the constraint of his belt, tossing it to the floor.

A small huff of laughter leaves his lips when you let your arms fall limply to the bed, clearly not making any effort to lift yourself up or move in any way. Carefully wrapping his arms around your torso, he lifts your form effortlessly, hooking his forearm underneath your knees. He drags you with him as he moves to lean against your headboard, trying not to wince at your weight against his still-hard cock when he sets you in-between his legs, encouraging you to lean your back against his chest. Your panties are still loose around your knees, but you’re so blissed out you don’t care enough to do anything about it.

You sit like that for a few minutes, quietly. Aki idly traces the marks around your wrists, pink and angry from being restrained, trying hard to calm himself down so his dick doesn’t stab into the small of your back. While he’s sure you’re probably exhausted after that, the silence in the room is palpable under the weight of what he’d just done to you, and he can feel his heart start to race, both panicked and stupidly turned on.

His stomach bottoms out when he feels you lean forward, already missing the warmth that slowly leaves his chest from the absence of your body. When you angle yourself to look at him, he swallows. Your face is bright red and your lips are pursed. Warm, glossy eyes continuously darting from his face to different points in the bedroom, like it would be painful if you let your gaze linger on him for too long.

“Listen, this…” Aki pauses, clearing his throat. His eyes soften as he watches you. “This doesn’t have to mean anything,” he continues, expertly concealing the hint of desperation that threatens to bleed through the calm tone of his voice. “If you want, tomorrow we can act like nothing happened. I don’t-“

“Wait- is that really all?” You blurt out, turning to face him fully. Kneeling in between his legs, your hands splay out in front of you as you lean forward, looking at him directly with wide eyes. “W-we’re not done yet… right?” You ask in a small voice, eyebrows creasing. “I haven’t even gotten to…” Trailing off, you glance down at the obvious bulge in Aki’s slacks before averting your gaze again, a furious blush creeping up your neck.

Aki feels like he might pass out.

It was one thing for you to allow him to touch you in the way that he did, but even the vague suggestion that you might want his dick anywhere near you is enough to make him tremble, his erection straining even more.

Wordlessly praying to whatever deity might be listening that his hand remains steady, he reaches out to lightly grip your chin, turning your head so you’re forced to meet his gaze.

Aki’s pupils are so large his irises look like endless voids. They bore into you, threatening to blot everything out. You inhale sharply when his thumb traces the delicate softness of your lips, encouraging the seam to part for him. Pushing past your lips to press the pad of his thumb down onto your warm tongue, he murmurs your name softly, the sound making you shudder.

“Still feeling greedy?” He asks, shoving his thumb further into your mouth. You nearly gag when he presses hard at the base of your tongue. “Then let me use this pretty mouth of yours.”

Before you can say anything, he’s dragging you off of the bed and down to the floor.

Standing tall, Aki looks down at you hungrily. The bob of his throat is almost imperceptible, eyes tracing every inch of you as he undoes his pants.

“Kneel properly. And take that shirt off,” he orders. “Let me see you.”

As you pull your shirt over your head, Aki finds the sheepish look on your face amusing. His face had been buried in your pussy minutes ago, yet you’re looking up at him like a blushing virgin. He knows better, his trained eye falling to the fluttering of your pulse point and the way the rising and falling of your chest has quickened. The corner of his mouth quirks at the image of little hearts forming in your eyes, like one of those dirty graphic novels Denji leaves lying around.

Exposed like this, your nipples harden immediately. It’s different than earlier. Now you have to see his face as he drinks you in, forced to bear witness to the way his eyes darken even further, looking at you like he’s trying to keep himself from eating you alive. A hint of smugness lurks behind the hunger, like he’s getting a kick out of making you squirm.

Kneeling before him, you impatiently push his hands out of the way. Aki stifles a hiss when you begin nuzzling your face against his clothed hard-on, making his cock twitch.

His mind is whirling, a myriad of conflicting emotions battling each other, the strongest one being jealousy.

The way you pull his slacks down just enough to place wet, hot kisses along his shaft through the thin material of his boxers. The way that you tease him, just barely grazing your fingertips along his length while you lavish attention to his balls, the feeling of your damp breath against him making precum dribble from his tip before you’ve even pulled him out.

You’re experienced, clearly. Of course you are. Aki isn’t that delusional to assume he would be your first for anything, let alone something so simple. Shit, even high-school students go further than this.

Still, he can’t stop the intrusive thoughts of someone else being on the receiving end of your practiced devotion, flashes of that damn cop’s face invading his mind. A suffocating flood of anger fills his chest, and in this moment, he truly believes he could bring himself to strangle the life out of Hasegawa if he sees him again.

The feeling of your warm mouth against the bare head of his cock propels him back to reality, his blue eyes snapping down to watch you. He sees your pink tongue dart out to swirl around the sensitive tip, the feeling making him bite back a groan. The soft sound makes you look up at him. Demure, a deviant form of adoration shining through like you want nothing more than to please him.

Aki’s heart twists. You’re perfect.

Tangling his fingers in your hair, he roughly pulls your head back. A sick feeling of possession overwhelming him as he cranes your neck, exposing the fragile column of your throat. Gripping his cock with his free hand, he presses your face closer, smearing a bead of precum across your lower lip.

He’s going to erase the trace of anyone else, even if it hurts.

“Open your mouth.”

There’s a startled look on your face at his sudden actions, but you comply, opening your mouth wide for him and letting your tongue hang out, a string of saliva dripping from the tip.

Fuck.

“Good. Now take a deep breath for me.”

You barely have time to register Aki’s words before he plunges himself into your waiting mouth, the fat head of his cock brutally stretching the tight entrance of your throat, giving you no time to prepare. Gagging violently around him, you try to pull away but his grip in your hair is firm and unyielding. He pushes himself even further inside, only stopping when his balls are pressed up against your chin.

You grab at his thighs in panic, feeling your lungs constrict from the lack of air, unable to make any noise of protest other than a pitiful, wet choking sound. Your silent pleas are met with complete indifference; Aki doesn’t seem concerned in the slightest. He’s not even moving, just holding your head still, watching you intently.

When your vision gets spotty and your ears start to ring, he finally pulls back just enough to where you can take a deep inhale through your nose. Tears of relief flood your eyes, and gushes of saliva pool past his cock to dribble down your chin.

You’re so beautiful like this.

“Such a mess already,” he remarks, keeping his tone indifferent as he lazily starts sliding in and out of your mouth, using your hair as leverage. “Take another deep breath for me, okay?”

Ignoring the sharp noise of protest you make; he shoves himself into your throat again. This time instead of holding you there, he ruthlessly pumps in and out, the feeling of his cockhead being squeezed over and over again making him groan audibly. The sight of tears spilling down your cheeks makes his balls tighten, and he has to pause so he doesn’t blow his load, soft pants escaping his parted lips.

Catching his breath, Aki’s gaze searches your flushed face.

Despite all he’s been putting you through, you’re looking at him so sweetly. Breath coming out in shallow bursts from your nostrils, you warm his cock in your mouth, patiently waiting for him despite your obvious exhaustion. The dark circles under your eyes are more pronounced now and he catches the slight shaking of your bent legs. He’s learned after watching you all this time that you won’t quit, you’ll keep going until you drop. Even if you made a big show of being under distress, calling him names, hitting him even, he’s certain at this point he could do anything he wanted to you. In the end, you would take it.

His gaze softens. What a stubborn girl you are.

Sliding out of your mouth, he crouches down. You’re breathing hard, lips pink and swollen from dragging up and down his thick shaft, shining in the dim lighting. Cupping your face in his hands, Aki wipes a tear away with the pad of his thumb. When you ask him why he stopped, he laughs quietly.

“Come here.”

Pulling you closer, he envelopes you in his arms, burying his face into your neck. He’s holding you firmly, but there’s an unmistakable tenderness in the way his hand slides up the bare skin of your back to cradle the back of your head. Maybe it’s how tired you are, or how weird this fucking 24 hours has been, but something about it brings fresh tears to your eyes. Your trembling body melts into his, and you return his embrace with the same intensity, gripping tightly at his shirt.

Not wanting to be called a baby for crying again, you press your face against his shoulder, but Aki can feel the warmth seeping through the cotton. He clutches you tighter, murmuring into your ear. “I’ve been a little hard on you, huh?”

Even though you shake your head, Aki knows he has. Uttering your name softly, he speaks again, fingertips tracing up and down your side. “It’s alright,” he soothes. “You can get angry. Yell at me, hit me if you want.”

When he feels the bottom of your fist lightly hit his back, he smiles. “Can I see you?” You shake your head again, face still firmly pressed into his shirt. Aki snorts. “Come on, I won’t make fun of you.”

Reluctantly, you relax enough to let him pull you away from his shoulder. Air shoots out of Aki’s nose when you glare at him in embarrassment. Your eyes are red, face wet with tears and drool, hair wrecked from his rough handling. You’re a fucking mess, and his dick has never been harder.

“You are just like a little kid, aren’t you?” He mutters, unbuttoning his shirt fully, shrugging out of it and using it to wipe your face.

“Knock it off,” you protest, trying to crawl away from him. “You said you wouldn’t make fun of me!”

Laughing gently, he grabs your waist to stop you. “Alright, don’t run off.” He plants you right back in front of him, tossing his shirt to the side and lifting his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry.”

Narrowing your eyes at him, your gaze travels across his toned shoulders, trailing down towards his lean abdomen. Heat returns to your cheeks when you land on his very much still hard cock. It’s thick and long, a pronounced vein running along the bottom of his shaft, the tip glistening with a mixture of precum and saliva. The longer you look at it, it seems to stiffen even more, twitching under your scrutiny. Seemingly in response, you feel arousal leak out of you and you quickly clench your thighs together.

You’re forced to tear your eyes away when Aki tilts your face up to look at him, an amused smirk on his lips. Wordlessly, he pulls you closer and crushes his mouth against yours. Worked up and desperate, you devour each other, tongues scraping against teeth, the sound of moans and heavy panting filling the room. His hands find your breasts, squeezing them roughly, almost hard enough to hurt. Pulling away from your mouth, he starts to aggressively suck at your pulse point, making you gasp. Licking a hot stripe up behind your ear, you feel his breath tickle against you when he asks in a hoarse voice. Still want more?

Seconds later, he has you splayed out onto your bedspread, lapping at your needy cunt once more, the panties hooked around your ankles long gone. You’re already soaking wet and ready for him, but he can’t help himself. Spreading your legs as far as they’ll go, he exposes your clit and presses the tip of his tongue firmly against it, moving in tight circles until you’re crying out from pleasure and overstimulation. Sliding two digits inside of you, he stretches you out, adding a third finger when it gets too easy to glide in and out. When he feels your walls start to squeeze him, he abruptly removes his fingers and mouth from you, making you whine pitifully.

Climbing on top of you, he holds himself up with his forearms. His raven hair tickles your cheek when he dips down to murmur in your ear. “I want you to cum on my dick.” Catching your earlobe between his teeth, he snakes a hand down the plane of your stomach to tease at your swollen pussy. “Can you do that for me?”

When you offer him a silent nod, Aki moves his mouth lower to the slope where your neck meets your shoulder, giving you a firm bite. You yelp in surprise; a deep blush sprouting on your cheeks. “Use your words. Tell me you want it.”

“I-I want it!”

“That’s better,” he mumbles, placing soothing kisses onto the angry teeth marks. Retracting his hand from your slickness, he tugs his slacks and boxers down further before gripping his cock and rubbing the angry tip up and down your slit, spreading your arousal and making you shiver.

Extending the arm holding himself up, he’s able to get a better view when he lines up with your entrance, the heat of your cunt luring him in like a siren. He can feel the tips of his ears start to burn, his heart is pounding so hard he thinks it might burst out of his chest and land onto you with a gory plop.

He’s about to fuck you. After countless guilt-ridden nights of fucking his fist to the thought, it’s happening. You’re underneath him, legs spread, eyes dark with need. He doesn’t deserve this, no one does.

His eyebrows shoot up when you impatiently wrap your legs around him, gently encouraging his hips to dip lower. Aki’s cheeks are a light shade of pink when he looks at you with wide eyes, like it’s baffling to him that you would want him anywhere near as much as he wants you. “Come on…” you whine, eyebrows furrowed. “Do I have to beg?”

He’s definitely dreaming.

Setting his jaw, he sinks into you, cursing under his breath when he feels your walls wrapped around the head of his cock. Gasping, you wrap your arms around his neck, lifting your upper back slightly off of the mattress. He breathes out your name. “Fuck- you’re so tight…try to relax so I can fit it all in, okay?”

Even though you’re dripping wet, your pussy is choking him out, and it takes conscious effort to push into you. Aki’s been holding out so long he’s worried it might only take a couple thrusts before he loses it and paints your cervix.

“That’s it…” he soothes, sinking even deeper. Sensitive and worked up from his earlier descent, your legs tighten around his waist and he can hear you whimpering a string of profanities against his ear.

When he finally bottoms out inside you, he can barely hold back the low guttural noise that vibrates in the base of his throat. The way your pussy coils around him is almost possessive, creating its own form of bondage. He could stay like this forever, buried inside you with your arms and legs constricting around him. Your embrace is so tight, he wonders if you’re afraid like he is. Like if he moves an inch the illusion will be shattered and he’ll jolt awake in his bed, drenched in sweat and heart-wrenchingly disappointed.

Taking the risk, he pulls back, dragging his length halfway out before surging forward again. The low moan that comes from you grounds him, solidifying that this is real and you’re not going to dissipate like smoke in his grasp. Laying you back, he tangles his finger into your hair. Harshly latching his mouth onto your neck, he sets a steady pace, languidly thrusting into you. The soft noises you make fuel the fire in his gut, when he feels your nails explore the plane of his back and shoulders he groans.

Biting and sucking, he hungrily bursts the small capillaries along the curve of your neck. You might be angry with him tomorrow, but he doesn’t care. He wants to create a collar of bruises around your throat, proof to everyone who you belong to. No one can give you the things you deserve like he can, he would happily offer you everything he has if it means destroying the opportunity for anyone else to try.

Blunt canines testing your pulse point, something akin to a growl wracks his chest as he starts slamming into you, the tip of his cock kissing the intoxicating sponginess of your cervix with each plunge.

Breathing hard, your nails dig in to the muscles surrounding his shoulder blades. “Oh- f…fuck!” The sound of your voice spurs him on further, pumping in and out of your sopping cunt with enough force to make any words that leave your lips completely unintelligible.

Tearing himself away from your neck, he nips at your lower lip before sliding his tongue between your lips, giving you a taste of yourself. “You’re squeezing me so much…” he murmurs against your lips, the snapping of his hips never relenting. “Feels good, huh?”

All you can do it let out a pathetic whine.

“Loosen your legs for me.”

Feeling your muscles relax slightly at his command, he coaxes one of your legs to release his waist before hooking your knee over his shoulder. Placing a kiss onto your forehead, he pulls back so he can watch your expression as he drives into you even deeper now. You quickly cover your mouth with the palm of your hand, muffling the sharp cries that are forced out of you.

Aki clicks his tongue.

Blue eyes flashing, he unhooks the leg that still remains curled around him and pushes both of your legs so far back your knees are level with your ears, eliciting a shriek from you that your palm can’t conceal. Gaze locked onto yours, he continues to relentlessly pump in and out of you. Filthy squelching sounds fill the space, your pussy is an absolute disaster and Aki can feel your arousal gushing past his cock, coating everything in its vicinity. His balls stick to your asshole every time they slap against you, making his shaft throb.

Your body is bent and contorted underneath him, breasts smashed together from the pressure of your thighs. Having removed your hand to hold onto his biceps for dear life, he can see the way your pretty lips are parted, ragged gasps and moans slipping out with every thrust. You look so deliciously fucked out; you probably wouldn’t even hear him if he were to speak. Strained with exertion and tinged with an almost painful desperation, Aki’s voice floods your ears.

“You- fuck… you’re so beautiful, you know that?” Pressing himself further against you, your clit grazes the patch above the base of his cock. “Drives me fucking crazy.” Halting his thrusts to briefly grind against you, your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to stretch this pretty little pussy out…” Releasing one of your legs, he angles himself so that his hand can snake in-between the two of you, his thumb teasing your worked up clit. His gaze falls, leaving your face to watch the way his cock splits you open over and over again. “Look at you, taking me so well.”

Aki’s praise, the way his cock drags against your walls and the increasing pressure on your overly sensitive clit has you seeing stars. The pleasure building in your core is white hot, spreading up your spine and giving you goosebumps. You can’t even bring yourself to speak properly, the moans coming from your parted lips are lewd and obscene. It’s too much, whatever’s building inside of you, and your eyebrows furrow in panic and pleasure. Trying desperately to form some sort of coherent sentence, you claw at his arms. Clouded with an insurmountable need, Aki’s eyes darken drastically. His expression remains calm and focused, like he knows something you don’t.

“It’s alright. Just let it go,” he coaxes in a low voice, his motions becoming more intentional and tortuous. “I got you.”

Wide-eyed, you look at him pleadingly, an almost confused look on your face. Shaking your head side-to-side, you’re about to beg him to stop when a scream rips through you, barely making its way past your lips when Aki quickly smothers it with the hand that had been holding your other leg steady. Pussy spasming wildly around his cock, your vision goes grainy and your body turns completely rigid underneath him. Another shriek is muffled against his palm when you promptly squirt all over his lower abdomen.

“Holy fucking shit-“ Aki pants, sucking his teeth. He can’t take it anymore. Apologizing in a choppy voice, he grabs onto your hips so hard it’s sure to leave marks and fucks in and out of you at a frenzied pace, making you cry out so loud he’s certain you’ll be getting a noise complaint.

“Fuck- I’m about to lose it,” he warns, brows knitted in concentration. Your walls are still pulsing around him, milking his cock. When your nails gouge into his back roughly enough to break skin, he can’t stop himself from unloading inside of you, letting out a choked groan as he floods your abused cunt with hot spurts of cum. The sensation is overwhelming and your hands fly to fist into his hair, dragging his face towards yours. Your lips meet in a sloppy, languid kiss as he fucks his load further into you, the pace of his hips gradually slowing as the throbbing of his cock subsides.

Trying not to crush you, he hovers above you on his forearms, catching his breath with his face planted into your neck. He places a gentle kiss behind your ear before slowly pulling out of you and lifting himself up. Weakly, you grab at his arms. “Don’t go…”

Aki’s heart swells.

“I need to grab something to clean you up with,” he murmurs, brushing your hair back. “Give me one second, okay?”

Too tired to even open your eyes, all you can muster is a nod.

***

The sound of a sliding door being opened jolts you awake and you sit up in a disoriented panic. Blinking rapidly, you take in your surroundings. Looking down at the plain, off-white bedding pooled at your lap you feel yourself relax a little. You’re in Aki’s room. You feel your face heat up when you realize you’re now in one of his shirts, he even managed to get a pair of his boxers onto you.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” a soft voice breaks through the silence. Your eyes flicker to the source. Wearing dark sweatpants and a gray t-shirt, Aki stands in front of the glass door that leads to the small patio attached to his bedroom, a cigarette tucked behind his ear.

Clearing his throat, he continues. “You were out cold so I cleaned you up and brought you to my room. I wouldn’t have moved you but I needed to, uh… wash your bedding.” Palming at the back of his neck, a hint of pink spreads across his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“Can I come with?”

He blinks. “Outside? It’s cold, are you sure?”

You nod. After slipping out of his bed, your legs are shaking like a fawn and they give out on you almost instantly, you crumple to your knees with a thud. You glance over at Aki with a stunned look, mouth hanging open. When you see him fighting back a self-satisfied smile the skin on your face feels like it’s going to burn off and cross your arms over your chest. “Whatever it is you’re thinking about saying, don’t.”

“Wasn’t gonna say a thing.”

It’s starting to get light outside. Aki can hear the rattling cry of a crow somewhere in the distance, followed by another. Taking another drag off of his cigarette, he watches the tendrils being pulled away with the breeze. He feels you stir in his arms and he tightens his hold on you. You’ve fallen asleep again, bundled up in his blanket and curled up in his lap.

Just like a cat, Aki thinks, wrapping his lips around the filter of his cigarette again. If he doesn’t move a muscle, he can hear the slow, steady rhythm of your breathing. He drinks in your sleeping face, smiling gently at the way your cheek pressed against his shoulder. Still asleep, you nuzzle even closer to him. Something spreads through his chest, syrupy and decadent, like honey warmed by the sun.

He could get used to this.

-END-

[genderqueerdykes]

Hello, yesterday I tried posting something to you but was met with a lot of setbacks. I'm a trans woman who wants to give her ideas on this trans infighting between trans men and women. Before I start I want to say that one of your prior asks said how porn of trans women was in the "#transmen" - literally the only people I see who see that and actually like it are chasers who don't know any better (or just don't care). It invalidates gender for both trans men AND trans women (I mean if these people were bigender, that's another story but...it's clearly not as I don't think chasers are THAT into trans terminology, we're just "chicks with dicks" or "boys with clits" - if even THAT is the nuance taken). Especially as the hastags on the post are normally anything to do with being trans, including TERF shit. I wanted to reply to that ask but...Tumblr must hate me for some reason. This may be perceived as a "simplistic" take from all the posts and asks but...to start with, I don't think it's right to paint all men as being beneficiaries to patriarchal society. Many of them just aren't. Those who fall down Tate and Incel pipelines aren't secure, thriving men. They're struggling with their own bullshit. Now there are plenty of women who also have little groups that fall into that category (Tradwife and Radfem). We all have the ability to fall down those pipelines though. We all have the ability to be shitty people to eachother (if you're an adult, chances are you ARE someone's "shitty person" in a story). The thing is we need to recognize our similarities over our differences. In some respects...yes I would say we need to do this for said groups I mentioned. It'll probably take years but...I don't see it as impossible (one of my toxic traits is believing people can do better) Also, just a quick note - Trans rights are clearly on the chopping block and will be for the next 4 years. This infighting will ONLY be an easy distraction for that to happen.

thank you so much for stopping by!

tumblr keeps randomly restricting who can and can't respond to my posts. it's not me. i do not watch my posts that closely. i will delete replies and block people if they're being shitheads and i notice it but generally my posts are kind of free reign for people to have discussion on because i literally cannot control everyone who interacts with my blog that would be impossible. thanks for sending an ask though!

Before I start I want to say that one of your prior asks said how porn of trans women was in the "#transmen" - literally the only people I see who see that and actually like it are chasers who don't know any better (or just don't care). It invalidates gender for both trans men AND trans women (I mean if these people were bigender, that's another story but…it's clearly not as I don't think chasers are THAT into trans terminology, we're just "chicks with dicks" or "boys with clits" - if even THAT is the nuance taken). Especially as the hastags on the post are normally anything to do with being trans, including TERF shit. I wanted to reply to that ask but…Tumblr must hate me for some reason.

agreed, wholeheartedly. many people have pointed out it's bots doing this, but it doesn't change the fact that it's very upsetting for anyone to see this kind of thing overwhelming their tags when they're just trying to talk to people and find community. even if it's bots doing this it doesn't change how dysphoric it is to go into a tag for your given gender and feel unrepresented in your own tag, somehow. it's not right.

and i have noticed like. i'm not sex or kink negative. far from it. but it really seems like people do not understand how to appropriately tag fetish content and por n. like it's really getting out of control at this point. i have another ask about this that i'll answer as well. trans sexuality is so important. like so, so important. it's holy, it's beautiful. it shouldn't be censored. however there's a problem with por n and erotica being just about the only text + photo posts in SO many queer tags. people seem to be trying to use tumblr as a queer erotica sight at this point and it's very uncomfortable

what you've mentioned is something i've noticed. it's one thing to have a fetish and to use fetishizing language in a private space but people are not doing a good job of keeping their content out of general queer tags. like the transmasc, trans man, transfem, trans women, butch, lesbian and nonbinary tags really do not need to be this full of por n and erotica, y'all. it's getting out of hand. i'm talking about just the general tags for these things. there are a lot of people wanting to connect with other people who identify this way who do not want to do so sexually or do not have a kink relating to their gender

also nobody really seems to give a shit about asexuals, either, and anyone else who is sex repulsed. it's frustrating as all hell.

i appreciate you for taking the time to send this! thank you very might! i really appreciate your insight!