#because i have to go to class <- didnt even write anything <-didnt even open google doc

[todayisafridaynight]

Was informed that the people are clamoring for a Minedai Dead Souls fic in here and I’m here to thusly inform the people that I am writing one. Slowly. Very slowly. Mine gets roped into Majima’s “movie” to play the Action Hero to Daigo’s Damsel in Distress.

omg :) dead souls fic time ...

[ramblingautisticman]

So, I haven't stopped thinking about the dyslexic Wade headcannon- like at all- so here is the second part/expansive of this post!

I really like the idea of him being really insecure about it but slowly accepting it more and being more open about it.

I also wrote from my experience, and I'm not officially diagnosed don't come at me, but I struggle alot with reading and writing so yeah!

Anyway, enjoy. Please. I hope everyone likes this as much as I do!

---------------------------------

It isn't that Wade can't read- or that he doesn't want to- it's more that it's a massive fucking struggle. Most of the time anyway.

He's always had trouble reading (and spelling, but he can avoid that with emojis now! How technology grows!) ever since he was a kid.

And maybe it's because he didn't grow up in a great environment, or maybe it's because he was never really encouraged, but Wade never ever mentions it. Not to anyone.

He never told anyone when he was in school that sometimes words didn't really make sense to him, and that he was behind in work because of it, not because he would sit and talk (though he did that too). He never told anyone that he preferred art over english because it was easier to understand a picture to him than it was words. He never told anyone that he struggled to spell simple words like "bakery" and "shopping" but could spell "because" and "beautiful" because of a stupid rhyme he had heard once.

It was just something he had grown up with- something he had assumed other kids dealt with- u til he got to high school. Suddenly, he was surrounded by people writing 3000 word essays like they were nothing and people reading 200 page books during lunch, all while Wade still hadn't finished a single book he owned. While Wade still struggled to understand words that weren't in a specific font or colour- something he had realised shortly after turning 10- and everyone around him could just do it. They didn't take 10 minutes to finish a page of a book. They didn't get headaches from the concentration he had to use while staring at a page trying to figure out if the word "wandering" was spelt correctly. They didn't struggle to read the teachers writing because of the cursive writing. They could all just do it and Wade had to just sit and try.

Naturally, people noticed that he would read slowly and awkwardly when they read aloud in class, or that his work always came back covered in red pen from where he had misspelled simple words. He quickly became a target for bullying. Honestly, he probably wouldn't feel as self conscious as he does if that hadn't happened. If teachers had just stepped in and helped- noticed that something was wrong- he would've gotten some help and grown up with accommodations that would've helped him succeed. But he didn't get any of that. He got bullied for reading slowly and being dumb. He got kicked and punched because he had been spotted reading a book meant for younger kids (big mistake).

Wade tried. He did. He read books as often as he could to try and make his brain click- and it never worked. He would try and spell random words- and sometimes he got them and sometimes he didnt- and eventually he gave up. Eventually he succumbed to the voice in his head telling him he was stupid and that he was just going to have to go through life suffering.

And as he got older, he figured out stuff that helped and stuff that didn't. He managed to find a few fonts that helped, a few overlays that made it easier, and a few things to remind him how to spell certain words he usually struggled with.

He also got better at hiding it. Wade would tell people he preferred calls over text. He would open birthday cards and smile at the writing even if he couldn't quiet make out what it said. He would avoid anything that involved him reading in public.

And again, not because he couldn't read, but because it might take him alittle longer than it should, and the idea people would notice made his stomach fill with anxiety, sending him right back to being that scrawny kid I high-school who got beaten up every lunch time.

All of that only got worse after his accident. Well, the cancer and the torture and the murders, but ya know.

Now people were staring at him anyway. People would look and gasp and gawk as he walked down the street or went to the store to get groceries. Everywhere he went people stared. Everywhere.

So instead of being slightly worried people would notice him focusing too hard on reading, he was fully aware people were staring at him constantly because of his skin, and he liked to avoid giving them anymore reasons to stare.

To his suprise though, moving in with Al had helped. She was the only person he had told, and she was the only person who seemed to understand, telling him about something called dyslexia and telling him that his brain just worked alittle different than his. Then proceeded to pass out after using the last of her cocaine- but the thought was still there.

And she didn't seem to mind that he read alittle slower sometimes, because she still asked him to read her mail to her, and sometimes write letters or cards. Wade would have to ask her how to spell the words, but she never seemed to get angry about it, and she always seemed to know how to spell them. Plus, if anyone noticed it wasn't spelt right, they could blame it on her being blind (how was the recipient to know this letter hadn't been writing by Al? She could probably write stuff if she wanted. She's blind, not stupid.).

When he started to gain friends and family- somehow gaining a little group of them- he didn't feel as bad about them noticing. He still didn't say anything- didn't make it obvious- but he wanted them to know he read there cards. Make sure they knew he read the group chat messages. Make sure they knew he did care (and for some reason, probably because the writer loves this headcannon, it seemed like alot of him showing his cared had to do with reading and spelling), writing them birthday cards and Christmas cards, and responding to every single message.

He found a quick way around the messages. That was easy. Emojis, memes and gifs quickly became his best friend. They were easy to dichiper most of the time, and Wade loved them, so it was a win win! He did write things too, and auto correct usually helped if he was struggling that day, but he was getting better thanks to Al and her bossing about of writing letters to her grandkids.

Writing cards took a little longer, but he spent alot of time on each one, making sure everything look neat and was spelt well. It always made him proud giving someone a card that he knew he spent so much time on, perfecting every last word.

When Logan moved in, it was a topic Wade was trying to avoid. He knew he should tell him- they were getting closer and closer each passing day- but he always felt so stupid trying to explain it. It made him feel stupid, even if he knew he wasn't. Most of the time.

Luckily, it doesn't actually come up for awhile, not until they have moved into their own place and Wade is handing Logan a birthday card with a huge grin on his face, practically bouncing on his feet.

And Logan opens it and reads it, and smirks a little because "I don't think the word awesome is spelt like that" and suddenly Wade's smile is wiped off his face.

He really had tried- maybe he didn't read the word properly off his phone or something- because Wade is taking the card and trying his best to quickly read it but can't, and he let's out a grunt of frustration because rambling at Logan apologetically. "I really tried to fucking spell everything right- I'm the idiot for fucking trying to read the word to spell it- I mean, who does that when you can't even read properly? I can re-do it- gimme like an hour and a half to go get a new card and get Al on the phone to just ask her how to spell it and then I can give you one that isn't fucked up-"

And Logan shuts him up with a small kiss to the forehead, telling him that he "likes this one just fine, has more charm" and Wade wants that to feel reassuring but it somehow doesn't, and it just makes him more annoyed.

So after a small melt down and a good cry in the shower for fucking up Logan's birthday, he explains it to Logan. Tells him about how he sometimes struggles with reading and spelling, but he really did try with the card. He really does try to read and write properly but some days it's hard and some days he can do it easier, and that he never really told anyone until he met Al. He messily rambles about everything- including the bullying- and Wade expects to be met with some laugh or ridicule. Though, this is Logan- and somehow this man loves every other part of him- so why wouldn't he love this part too?

And Logan just apologises to Wade that he made him feel bad about misspelling the word awesome- makes a joke about how it's a hard word to spell- and that Wade shouldn't have been bullied for something he couldn't help. Tells him that it's nothing to be ashamed off, and that he shouldn't let it hold him back. Tells him that if he ever needs help with spelling something he can ask Logan, that if he ever can't figure out a word that he can ask Logan, asks if there are any accommodations he uses to help him.

And Wade tells him the things that help, the things that don't, thanks him for the offer of help, and suddenly it doesn't seem so terrifying that Logan knows. Suddenly he feels better about it. Sure, Al had helped, but hearing this from Logan made him feel less afraid to hide it. Made him feel better about telling his friends so they knew.

And Logan stays true to his words. He helps him when he is struggling with a word- never jumps in a reads stuff or spells things without being asked first- and even uses some of the accommodations. He has his phone set to a font Wade can read easier, and his next birthday card is in big bold writing (Logan's writing is normally really scribbly and hard to read) and on a colour that helps him focus on the words more.

And he tells his friends and they understand, they do the same. They help if asked, they don't rush him in reading their cards or messages- Yukio starts to use more emojis and Collosus tries his best to give Wade mission debriefs in person or voice messages- and it helps him immensely. He gets more confident about his reading and writing, and he starts to work on ut even more. And yeah, he can't get rid of his dyslexia, but he can try and find new ways that help him. He can find books in safe fonts and listen to the audio book as he reads to help (Though, he does prefer listening to Logan read to him, because his voice is so smooth and gruff somehow, and he could listen to it for hours).

Wade hated that stupid part of himself for so long, but now- even if he is 47- he doesn't really mind it anymore. He makes jokes about his spelling errors or words he missreads, and he works on finding new things to help with Logan, and everything is alittle bit easier knowing he isn't going to be ridiculed and judged.

(People who said they wanted this, I hope you enjoy! @wadewnstonwilson @logictoinsanity @zerotoqueero @superbattrash @spoopderman @klszkas @ohitsthemindstuffagain @mangoob @dis-plus-fanfic-reblog-writes (tagging yall who said you wanted to read it!))

[starlinggirll]

first off absolutely loveeeeee ur riff stuff im absolutely obsessed with how you write him🫶🏾

buttt everyone makes art such a lapdog of a man but i need patrick to be a written like that too💔i need him to pathetically yearn and be a real lover💔💔

sub/obsessed! patrick x reader plsssssss

-🍓

stanford!reader in this!! (so basically patrick and reader are in a long distance relationship!)

you hated being away from patrick. constantly watching couples be lovey dovey whenever they want, being cheesy and cute. being touched. u wanted this more than anything.

but patrick was away. achieving his dream! and u were so proud of him, but u were so lonely.

so you made a friend! a guy from your class, both of you slowly got closer. from hanging in his dorm to going out for coffee etc. and patrick knew. mainly because art kept him up to date with everything. but also because you posted it.

a guy. a guy friend. patrick didnt take that lightly. he was already surpressing his jealousy and insecurity while being away from you, but this? set him off. so he flew over there!

without telling you.

he walked into the campus, his shoulders rolling as he looked around the campus. he had your location, and it seemed like you were walking around hallways. he took a turn and it looks like you saw him before he saw you. "patrick?!" a high pitched voice rang through the hallway. he turned to look at the source of the noise. you. and your new friend next to you. but he brushed that off, for now.

"hey baby," he smiled softly. you dropped your bag, running to him. he opened his arms, prepared to pick you up once you jumped on him. "oh gosh," you whine, chest heaving as you bury your face into his neck. "i missed you so much." he whispers against your cheek, his eyes on the guy. he deliberately cups your ass, making sure your friend is looking before he turns his attention back to you.

"c'mon lets go to your dorm." he whispers, desperate to be alone. to be in your arms. he doesn't put you down, he simply starts walking, picking up your backpack and swinging it over his shoulder. he doesn't spare a glance at your friend, and from the looks of it (your face still buried into his neck) you dont either.

once he gets to your dorm he starts kissing you, his hands cupping the back of your thighs. his chest heaving as he pins you on the bed.

"my girl? my girl." he whispers while unbuckling his belt, your eyes fluttering in anticipation. "i cant wait to be inside of you..." he leaned back, locking your dorm before getting ontop of you. he slips your panties down to your ankles, and you let out a tiny whimper at the feeling of the AC breeze hitting your cunt.

"babyyy." you whine, glossy eyes staring up at him which makes his boner harder, painful. he teases your clit with his tip, biting his lip. "ready?" you nod. he doesn't even need to prep you, you're already so wet. he goes inside of you and a he cant breathe.

the months away, constant nights hugging his pillow imagining it was you. its all so much. he lets out a whimper, burying his face into your breasts. your nose nuzzling into the valley of your boobs. "fuck- i cant-" he whines. you look down at him with teary eyes, he's stretching you out so much and he isnt moving. "can we stay like this?" he whispers, clutching you tightly. "yeah, yes please." you bury your face into his neck, nails gently scratching his neck.

he swears he can cry right now. his cock getting warmed up and cozy inside of you. you whimper with each momenr he moves slightly, but ultimately you keep your face against his neck. you both stay like that for 5 minutes, in eachothers arms, with the blanket ontop of you both. he wants to move now, to fuck you so good.

but you're asleep. his heart melts at the sight, specially with the position you're both in. "its okay, sweet girl." he whispers, rubbing your scalp. "keep sleeping." he hugs you tighter before his eyes flicker to your phone.

"now i just have to figure out how to get you to stop talking to that friend of yours." he whispers to himself, fingers digging into your flesh softly.

[screaminglygay]

KINKTOBER day 5

pairing: ghostface! sam carpenter x fem!reader

summary: you and sam are besties, but do you tell each other everything? (what is this? i dunno)

warnings: smut!!!, dom!sam x sub!reader, sam is a big meanie for a little, spanking, degradation, dirty talk, swearing, killing mentioned, tiny bit of knife play, slapping, crying, not proofread, if anything else, let me know - I’ll add it

word count: 4.4k

an: enjoy I guess, let me know your opinions, also thanks for so much support with wanda, tbh I though that it won’t do this great, but it did and all of you are so horny freaks, including myself, but truly I appreciate it!!!💕💕

(italics = your thoughts)

!MDNI!

Enjoy this spooky season and be safe!

The phone rings again, hidden caller. Picking up a secret number is really not your style. You let it ring, if they truly need you, they will write you a message.

Buzz.

Oh and they do need something important. You take your phone and look at the notification.

Hidden number

8:36PM

Call me ASAP, please! I can´t open the excel!

You calmed down a little bit as it was probably your classmate and accidentaly made their phone number hidden. Taking a deep breath before calling someone was always your go to thing, since the whole situation is very stressfull, you´d much rather write a long paragraph over a text, then just call someone. But since it´s about school, you´re less nervous.

You finger touch the last missed call and it starts to ring, as soon as you see that the other side picked it up, you started to speak.

"Hey! Sorry, I didn´t hear the phone. Anyways what´s going on with that file?" You took your notebook in case you have to make step by step tutorial to your classmate, because it wouldn´t be for the first time.

"No one ever told you lying is bad, (Y/N)?" You didnt recognize the voice, it wasn´t a voice you remember anyone having from your class, or the whole school. It was deep, raspy and mostly scary. You didn´t like horrors very much, but you were positive that you´ll get prank called or jumpscared by some idiot. And here they are, idiot on the line, at least that´s what you think.

"Haha very funny..." You´re mostly annoyed, but there is this side of little you, who is hoping this is truly your idiot classmate and no one else. "Do you wanna help with the sheet or not?"

Long big sigh can be heard on the other side. "And I thought you were a nice girl, (Y/N). Guess I was wrong. Don´t worry, we´ll work on that."

Now your little scary thought became a little bit bigger. You weren´t so sure it was someone you know.

"Who am I speaking with? Sorry, I don´t have your number added." You hoped they would say your name, you would stop panicking and it would be done it two minutes.

"Someone who likes to play games. (Y/N), would you like to play a game?" the raspy voice asked.

"No, thank you." Out of nervousness and mostly fear you hang up. You didn´t even realize until you stoped hearing the rapsy breath. Even if there was a truly a classmate who wanted a help, they shouldn´t prankcall you. Gosh how much you hated these things.

The phone didn´t ring again for quite some time, so you just let it go. Taking a long shower sounded like the best idea now. Out of the closet you took oversized shirt and some shorts and you headed to the bathroom. Doing your usual skin care routine went on automatic and brushing your teeth as well.

Coming back to your room, you notice that you left your closet opened, you sigh and close the door. Being too tired to prepare your clothes for tomorrows school day. As you lay on your bed, you hug your big teddy bear and your eyes immedietly close as you drift to sleep.

...

The next day goes smooth, first lecture was actually really interesting and you didn´t felt tired at all. You had your morning coffee and today was just a good day, you could feel it. You didn´t have those in a while, so it is very welcome.

Second lecture was indeed boring, but at least you know that the human eye blinks an average of 4 200 000 times a year, which is... a new information, that´s for sure. But the professor ended class sooner, so at least you had more time for lunch. And that´s a plus.

As you´re sitting alone, eating your lunch on a bench in a park, where you like to spend your free time between the classes, someone taps on your shoulder.

"Oh hi, Sam!" You smile, seeing your friend always makes your day better. "What are you doing here, I thought you´re working today." You scoop so Sam can sit next to you.

Sam met you when you were running late, literally. You two bumped into each other few months ago and because you spilled your coffee on her, you just had to pay for it somehow. So after you quickly gave her your number and basically sprinted out, Sam made sure you´ll keep your promise. And you did, few days after that you two met again and over a coffee realized how much things you two have in common.

She seemed like a cold and closed of person at first, but she is actually the sweetest teddy bear, as you like to call her for fun. Sam told you many times she hated it, but you made a good points that she is just so sweet, big and you feel safe when you´re around her, just like with teddy bear in your bed. And she was a taller than you, so that´s another point. After few "arguments" she actually let you win, so she is now your big and protective teddy bear.

You two started to hang out more and more, which just confirms your initial click, that Sam felt as soon as she laid her eyes on your sweet and innocent face.

"Well maybe I lied and I wanted to suprise you." Sam answers as she sits next to you.

"I am surprised," you giggle. "I have like a hour and something before my next lecture, so..." You look at your phone.

"Good." Sam smiles and tilts her head, she notices that you´re smiling ear to ear. "What got you smiling like that, (Y/N)?"

"Hm... nothing in particular, but it´s just a good day. And I´m enjoying a every single bit of it." You answer and your cheeks start to hurt a bit from all the smiling, you did in the last 10 minutes.

"Oh, I see. As you should." She nudges your arm with hers. "What are you doing after school?"

"I have to finish some excel to my statistic class, but besides that... nothing." Your thoughts are taking you back to last night and your weird call, with who you thought was your classmate.

Sam notices your smile fading and put her hand on your thigh, something she did pretty often, but it brings you butterflies everytime. "(Y/N)?"

"Hm? Yeah?" Sam just raises her eyebrow. "It´s nothing, I just had this weird person from school call me yesterday and... yeah, it was weird. A stupid prankcall." You roll your eyes.

Sam move her hand on your thigh up and down, trying to sooth you. "What did they say?"

"Just some stupid stuff, like do you want to play a game. Do I look like I want to play a game?" You sigh.

"Depends on the game. Horor game? Probably not. The Sims 4? Absolutely yes." Sam chuckles as you punch her arm.

"Every woman has her needs, mine is playing The Sims. Can you blame me?" You laugh, Sam always helps you with your bad and anxious thoughts.

The rest of your free time you two shared a lots of laughs, smiles and overall a good quality time together. Until you had to go back to your lectures, which made your day a little worse, since you wanted to keep talking to Sam.

...

Few hours later you finally finished all of your lectures for the day. You didn´t have that energy boost as you did this morning, but you´re still in a good mood. So you decided to walk from school back to your dorm. And even if it was October, it was still kinda warm outside so you put some soft music on and decided to walk.

Stepping into your dorm you notice that something is bad, you can´t point a finger on what it is, but the vibe seems off. Shaking off the feeling didn´t help for long, because as soon as you reach for your keys the ligh on the other side of the hall just turn off.

"Shit!" You flinch and your hands start to shake. As you succesfully get inside you lock your door faster than ever.

"Oh my god-" you take a few deep breaths. "It was just a light, (Y/N), everything is good. It was just a light." Mumbling out loud these words, in hopes that it will calm you down.

You turn all of your lights in your home on as a prevention for your mind from creating something that is not there. Lastly you go to your bedroom and open the door, you stop in your track in a moment when your eyes met a tall black figure next to your opened closet.

A cold shivers run down your spine, but with confidence it´s just your mind playing tricks you turn on the light even there.

But that choice just showed you, that this time, it´s not your mind playing tricks, but there is actually someone in your house. A tall black silluete turned into a big person with a black cloak and a white mask, looking like a ghost. You´ve seen this mask many times during Halloween parties. Quickly scanning the person you notice that they´re holding a knife. A knife!

"Oh fuck!" You qiuckly close your bedroom door, hoping you will get more time, but of course you had to lock all of your locks and jumping from a window was not an option since you´re living in the 9th floor.

Shit, shit, shit. Wait... I don´t hear anything.

The only thing that you can hear is your heartbeat, no steps, no breathing, just your heart. Looking back, noticing that the door you slammed shut before are now open again.

Your living in your worst shitty nightmare.

It´s a tap on your shoulder that almost makes you lose it. You let out the most horror scream in your entire life, you didn´t even think you could scream like that. The tall person with ghostface mask is standing right next to you, they shake their head and one of their hands makes it over your mouth to keep you shut. As soon as your bodies hit the floor, which suprisingly didn´t hurt at all due to all the adrenaline you have in you, right now. They pull their knife to your face and slowly slide it across your cheek, not hurting you in any way.

Your breathing gets faster and faster to the moment you feel like you start to hyperventillate.

"Hello, (Y/N). You cut our call last night, so I felt like meeting you in person, again, would help us solve the excel problem. Don´t you think?" It was the same raspy, deep voice you heard yesterday over the phone.

"I- uh s-sure." You nod as you mumble your answer agaist her hand, noting better came to your mind.

"Sure? Now you don´t have a problem with that, but yesterday you cut me off like I was a fucking no one?!" Now you were truly hoping that this is just a nightmare and you will wake up. "Isn´t it fair if i cut you off too? So you would now how it feels?" Their knife is swinging infront of your face again.

"I- No, please, don´t. I- i uh I´m sorry!" You mumble agaist their hand.

The person on top of you just laughs and bring your hand above your head and now you can´t move at all.

"I think it´s fair, you know how shitty I felt? And today you´re doing like nothing happened? Like I was just.. what did you described me as... as a weird person who said stupid stuff?" Their face coming closer to you. "I think it´s fair to show me some fucking respect." you feel a slight sweet cologne coming from that person.

A scent you know very well, It starts with a fresh burst of citrus, like a mandarin. With a little hint of vanilla and amber adds depth and warmth. This scent is a subtle and comforting, like a cherished memory to you. A cherished person, you know too well.

It can´t be...

Your eyes shift, looking over the mask again, your eyes anaylzing from side to side, like you´re trying to read their mind through the eyes on the mask.

They tilt their head again, the knife slowly going away from your face. You hope that what you thing is just a big misunderstanding, it can´t be her. Not your Sam.

"Sammy?" You mumble as their hand is going away from your mouth. Few tears forming in your eyes.

"Oh look at you, you figured it out." She takes her mask of and it was like a bullet straight through your heart. "Now be quiet or I´ll shut you up." She picks you up, like nothing and wallks quickly into your bedroom.

This was not your Sam, not your friend, she look like her, but her actions were the exact opposite of your comfort person.

She throws you at the bed and you´re now laying on your stomach, she comes closer to you again and whispers into your ear.

"Every woman has her needs, mine is playing with you, (Y/N). Can you blame me?" She chuckles as she repeat what you´ve said earlier. "Ass up." She put her hands on your hips and you put your ass up, as she told you. Too scared to do anything else. "Good girl." Sam praises you.

"S-Sam.." you whine out between with your tears streaming down your face.

"Oh shush, did no one told you to speak nicely about your friends? And not talk-" she spanks you, hard, "shit about your friends?" Sam spanks you again, this time it was even harder.

"I´m sorry, Sam- I didn´t-" you try to talk, but it´s hard when your face is burried in the pillows.

"I. Dont. Want. To. Hear. It. Now." Her voice was harsh and so was her hands on your ass with each words she growls into your ear, even when you have your clothes on, it still hurts too much. "Just take what I give you and then we might talk." Without any warning she takes your pants off, slicing your shirt and throwing it away.

"No bra?" Sam laughs. "You went the whole day without a fucking bra, you´re so pathetic, (Y/N)." She runs her knife on your back, she´s doesn´t want to hurt you really, at least not right now. "You did this on purpose? You´re look so innocent, but you´re not so innocent, are you?" Her hands find its way on your tits, she give them a tight squeeze and you can´t help, but let out a big moan.

You like this, which shock you more than the fact, that Samantha Carpenter broke into your house, just to play with you.

Her big strong arms, oh god how much you love her amrs. The way they hold you during your sleepovers, how they caught you everytime you walk into the street without looking both sides, or how they always brought comfort to you. Everytime.

But now? It´s totally different now, at least that´s what you think and Sam noticed that. And she can´t have you be thinking this much, when she wants to have her sweet time with you.

Her hands playing with your nipples, pinching each one very hard for you to come back to her. And you did, you realize just now that you´re not crying anymore, you´re just a moaning mess.

"You´re doing so good, look at you, mi amor, taking all the spanks as a punishment for how mouthy you were." You can sense the smile in her words and it´s like your Sammy is speaking to you, which instantly make your worries go away. Your body relaxes againt her and she can feel it, it´s like a small win for her. "Good, just like that."

You moan once again, it was more a needy moan than anything else. One second you´re on your stomach and the other one, you´re on your back, Sam holding your waist to scoop you closer to herself. She´s still wearing the black cloak, that don´t scare you anymore. If anything it is kinda attractive, that she´s still in her clothes and you´re just in your panties.

Looking at her with needy eyes was something that Sam saw a many times. Begging her to pick you up after school, or give you her hoodie, when you were cold. Or those many times when you cannot reach something, because it was way to high.

But this time you have this spark in your eyes, the good girl was gone, now Sam could really see the needy whore, who hid under the inoccent cover for the whole time. And this time Sam takes this as the ultimate win.

"Please-" you whine.

The most confident smirk appears on Sam´s face as her hands runs down your body, finally kissing your neck. "Please what?" Sam asks you between those sloppy kisses.

You let out another whine.

"I´m letting you speak, if i was you, i´d better use it." She bites your neck, which will definetly make a nasty bruise.

"Use me." Your move your head, so Sam has better acces to your neck.

"Oh wow, such a fitlhy words, for such a pretty little girl." She chuckles as she keep kissing your neck, her hands finding your tits again.

You never knew your nipples were this sensitive, but Sam knows. Of course she does. You feel as her hands are grooping your breasts, but you´re not satysfied, you want to see her, so you tug on her cloak and let out a whine.

"What?" She mumbles agaist your neck and then she pulls away to make eye contact with you.

"I wanna see you." You tug on her cloak again, "please."

Sam without a beat took her cloak off and she was now in her black underwear, sitting on top of you as your eyes wonder. She gives you a little time for checking her out and god you could stare at her for days. The light in your room making her muscles look even sharper, not that she needs it, but you just can´t have enough of her.

"You´re not so sad now, huh?" She smirks again, fuck how much you hated that confident smirk. Without waiting for your actual response, she dive back, her lips on your neck, making sure that after tonight everybody knows who do you belong to.

After a few minutes of Sam being basically a vampire, she starts to kiss her way down, slowly as she stops at your nipples again. Slowly, but hasrshly sucking on them, making sure to keep an eye contact with you. " Keep your eyes at me." You could cum just from watching her.

She treats you like a blank canvas, and as a skilled artist, she must make sure that you are painted with her in the end and with a pleasure you won´t forget.

Her big muscular hands are sliding down your body, pinching your inner thighs to tease you. She knows what you want, but she won´t give in that easily, even when you´re looking at her with those cute and innocent eyes.

Your hands are sliding off your panties, but Sam qiuckly takes your hands. "They are staying on and keep your hands above your head." Her raspy voice sends shivers down your pussy, that is now drenched, because of her touches and skilled movements.

You put your hands back above your head, wiggling a little to show Sam how impatient you are. She just sends you a quick slap on your thigh and you giggle.

Her finger slowly going up and down your clothed pussy, you can already see how wet your panties are and if Sam wasn´t that needy, she would make fun of you. Seeing you like this gives her so much power and let´s be real you are really feeding her ego.

"Sam!" You move your hips up, hoping she will actually do something.

"(Y/N)!" She mocks you with innocent smile on her face.

"Fuck- I need your fucking hands in me or I swear I´m gonna lose it!" You did lose it already.

"You want my fucking hand in you? You like my hands?" Sam whispers.

"I do! So much! I need your big hands in me, please!" You shift towards her again.

"Aww pretty little girl, do you think that your pussy will take my big hands?" Sam´s finger barerly toucing your slit.

"Yes! I can take it!" You think that you will be crying from the frustration.

"Say it."

"My little pussy will take your big fucking fingers! Hands! Whatever you give me, I can take it, Samantha!" You groan.

"Oh you´re using my full name, you really need it, huh?" She smirks again, but your wish is her command and in the end she wants to make you feel good. Pushing your panties to the side, your juices are everywhere and god she loves it.

"Is this for me?" Sam softly asks.

"Only for you." You give her a small smile.

"In that case-" she slides her two fingers in you, slowly pushing in and out. Sam already feels your pussy pulsating and her fingers get almost swallowed by you. "Oh wow, I was so wrong about you and I´m so happy I was." She adds another finger.

You whine, you feel aready so close, your pussy is feeling like it´s on fire, your hips going up and down and Sam´s just enjoying the view. You want more, so you feel like grabing Sam´s hand is a good idea. She raises her eyebrow and slip her fingers out of you.

You whine out, immedietly feeling empty, you feel like you gonna burst out, you really need to cum, but now you lost everything that felt good.

Sam slaps your pussy one time, but damn it´s painful. "I said, keep your hands to yourself." Her fingers slides quickly back into you, both of you know, that you´re very close.

"Ple-" you can´t even finish the word without a moan.

"Go on, scream. I want you to fucking scream my name, mi amor." She uses both of her hands now, one sliding in and out of you and the other one playing with your clit, which is something that gets you over the edge pretty easily.

Your whole body flex under her touch, this is the best release you ever had, it felt better than anything in this world, she definetly know what she´s doing. As you scream her name, Sam slows down her movements, for you to ride it all out, without being too overstimulated.

Sam gives you two kisses on each of your inner thighs and then kiss her way back up. She´s smiling and you are too.

The atmosphere went from being scared of your life to you having THE time of your life.

"There you go, little girl. How are we feeling hm?" Sam whispers into your ear as she wraps her strong hands around you.

"Fucking confused." You let out a small giggle.

"Watch your tone, young lady." Her hand squeezes your wrist.

"I- I´m good. Just... what just happened?" You lean into her.

Sam laughs as you´re confused. "You know I hate Halloween, you scared the living shit out of me with this prank, Sam. If you wanted to... you know, you could´ve just asked. I though you were some murderer!" You lazily mumble as you are half asleep already.

"Yeah and I love Halloween and asking you for a fuck session is not so fun. Me a murderer? Oh please." She kisses your head.

"Hmm.. whatever." You are too tired to have this conversation with her.

As you fall asleep in the arms of Samantha Carpenter you felt happy, today was really a great day.

Sam made sure you were dead asleep before getting up from the bed, but as soon as she did, you instantly start to move in discomfrot. She quickly grab your teddy bear and made you cuddle him instead and her plan worked. Cute smile was on your face again and Sam was glad you had this stuffie here as a replacement for her, when she needs to do her job. She knew you will be overthing when you woke up to an empty bed, so she quickly scribble down a note.

"I´ll call you later, I had to go to work, -s"

She took her knife that was laying on the ground, take on her cloak and last but not least take on her ghostface mask and went to work.

She was never a murderer, she was and still is just a protector. Especially when it comes to you.

…

Of course you had to call Sam, when you heard the news.

"Hi, how is my sleepyhead?" She chuckles into the phone.

"Hey, um... did you hear the news?" You quickly say to her, as you´re almost out of breath.

"What news?" She asks you.

"There was a murder, someone in a ghostface mask was seen few streets from my dorm. They killed a girl from my statistic class, I mean... I didn´t know her, but it´s still scary." As you say this, goosbumbs appear on your arms.

"Oh shit, that´s... scary even for me. Are you okay?" Sam asks with concern.

"Yeah, I didn´t know her or anything, but it´s crazy. Especially when you can buy the mask anywhere, since you have it too." You ramble over the phone.

"Right. It´s like I killed her, right?" Sam responds.

"Sam, don´t joke about these things. Can you maybe come to mine after work?" You really need her, to protect you and make you feel safe again.

"Give me 15 minutes." And with that Sam hang up. Drove away from the empty parking lot, where she watched your classmate, Tony. She heard a few stories from you, that Tony was being a dick during your presentation and no one can be a dick to you. No one.

And today is Tony’s lucky day, because you need her now and that´s way important. When she´s with you, no one can hurt you.

Only she can and that´s how it should be all the time.

Thank you for reading! Have a great day!!! And tell me what you think<3

[chiiyuuvv]

• WORD COUNT — 1k • AUTHOR'S NOTE �� cute idea i had but had no intentions writing it.. so enjoy my bullet points!!

It all started when you were first introduced to the friend group, catching sungchans attention immediately at you shy but reserved aura

But all that shyness flutters away when sungchan musters up the courage to talk to you, quickly learning that you two have similar interests, along with living near each other

And so a friendship blooms. You and sungchan get closer while your new (his) friends tease the couple, saying how obvious you liked each other, yet you always shooed the idea off

Its a few months later when sungchan suggests that you go to a party with him. Sungchan loved meeting new people and acting 'crazy', and plus, youre always stuck in your room. "you gotta get out more," he'd bump your shoulder as you walked to class

And you're almost sure that you'll tell sungchan no, until he sends you a big pair of puppy eyes, bring his hands together with a pout.. he was almost on his knees. You hate him for it, showing up at the blasting house after school hours

"You came!!" He would gasp as he opens the door, clapping his hands proudly as he leads you inside

But despite sungchans warm welcome, you found yourself uncomfortable about the amount of people, leaving the house to get some quiet air

And although you tell him to stay inside, enjoy the party, hes right behind you, refusing to leave your side

You open up to him, saying the reason why you were so quiet, the reason why you hated being around people was because of your past school. You were constantly ignored no matter how many times you tried to make friends, so over time you shut down, finding comfort with being by yourself

Sungchans a very clear extrovert, so when you say that you didnt have any friends, his heart immediately breaks. He starts apologizing even though he didnt do anything at all, feeling so bad about your misfortune that he swears that he'd be with you no matter what

Hes also confused onto why you were so okay about it. The only that felt your lips was a sad chuckle, he would have been crying in your shoes. So he stops walking, being out his arms. "Need a hug?" You almost run into his arms, tucking your head into his chest as he rubs your back, still saying how sorry hes feeling

And after that day, sungchan was your best friend. Someone you could talk to no matter the mood. Someone you cherished ♡

YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE?! AHAHAHAH

Now, sungchans friends are really sure that you at least like each other, even in the slightest

But you're both persistent. Sungchan didn't want to be wrong and you didnt want to assume anything, as you both really enjoyed each others company, and was not about to risk it for some stupid feelings

But the boys are sick and tired of your endless pinning, pulling sungchan aside when youre in the bathroom and telling him how much sungchan is in love with you

And after the several points they made, suddenly everything clicks. The amount of time and effort sungchan put into your relationship, the boys were finally making sense

And since hes aware of his feelings, hes a little shy, avoiding your eyes so he doesnt stare at you lovingly and embarrass himself. When youre not looking he'd finally turn to your direction, a smile on his face as he watches your side profile glow

Sungchan starts to get some desires. It isnt creepy or sexual in any way; he just wants to cuddle you and hug you and squish your cheeks. But most importantly he wants to kiss you. So bad. Like soo bad

Sungchan randomly calls you to walk around the park that was nearby your houses, worry taking over you as he normally calls ahead of time

He starts complaining about how he feels sick. But not sick sick, love sick. He's found this girl that hes head over heals for, someone he wanted to spend his life with, someone that was you. But you didnt know he was talking about you, your heart going into void as he continues to rant about the nameless girl

Before he can reveal the identity, hes called home, giving you a quick hug because you made him feel better

But he made you feel bad

You spend the night and early morning crying your eyes out. You wanted to push away your broken heart, just be happy for the boy but you just cant. You felt broken

Sungchan comes to school happier than usual, ready to see your pretty face that was.. frowning..?? And avoiding him.. did he do something wrong?

Its only when hes talking to wonbin that he realizes hes the source to your problem, sending you a quick text to meet him at the park, same time

He continues to talk about his nameless crush, watching you hold back your tears as he just couldnt take it anymore.

"Whats wrong?" He whispers, pulling you close as he begins to wipe your tears away. He gets a little angry when you keep refusing to talk to him, telling him repeatedly that everythings alright when youre face is close to a rivers

So he apologizes, which makes you feel confused, as he smashes his lips onto yours

"You.. you're the girl I've been talking about." He lightly strokes your cheek, his eyes watering at thought of making you cry over him. "I should have told you sooner.. im so sorry for making you wait." He'd pull you into a hug, his voice cracking. He really feels so bad

After telling him plenty of times that its alright, that he didnt do this intentionally, you suggest that he comes over for dinner, so you can talk (kiss) about this more

It all started when hes interacting and laughing with your parents and siblings, feeling so connected and happy that you felt your heart warm of joy, knowing that hes the one. And with his very obvious glances, you can confirm that he feels the same ♡

[fivestar-outlaw]

New Horizons (Park Seonghwa) (Epilogue)

Epilogue

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

Words: 7.0k+

Warning(s): Mentions of reader being anxious/having anxiety, some swears, drinking, i think thats it.

SMUT (18+) WARNINGS: Multiple orgasms, oral (F receiving)/ face sitting, slight cockwarming, birthcontrol used, No condom use, PiV penetration, cowgirl yeehaw

A/N: Fucking- Finally finished the epilog. Grad school is slowly but surely killing me rn. I only had time to write this during the undergrad class im taking for credits iubgouoren. I hope yall enjoy.

Reader is implied to be living in the US bc uh TIMEZONES ARE FUCKY and i didnt realize how reliant i was on mine (PST) when looking up KST

English dialogue is italicized, Korean dialogue is not

Summary: Attempting an all-nighter while playing Animal Crossing alongside your bias, you didn't expect your turnip prices to be such a high amount... nor did you expect Park Seonghwa to actually accept your offer to sell his turnips on your island.

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You sat at your desk, phone set up for a video call with Seonghwa. You felt nervous. Tomorrow is your graduation, where you'll finally be done with this aspect of your life and will be moving onto the next step. Despite the distance, you and Seonghwa were as close as ever. You both missed each other dearly but talked as frequently as possible. 

You were a little sad that he and the rest of Ateez couldn't make it to your graduation, but you understood why. You didn't have much hope when you told Hongjoong the date and he told you he'd ask if they could. You tried to tell him not to ask since you knew they would be busy with an upcoming comeback, but he insisted he'd try. He talked to you the next night saying they had a packed schedule for that week and couldn't. You figured as much but it still made you a little sad.

You hear the tone for the video call and you quickly answer it with a smile. You see Hwa sitting there, but not in his room. You couldn't quite figure out where he was. He seemed to be wearing a loose sweater and a pair of glasses frames.

"Hello, jagiya." Seonghwa smiled sweetly, he seemed tired.

"Hello, love." You respond. "How are you? You seem a little tired."

"The week has been busy."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Are you currently at a schedule?" You tilt your head. You see him look off to the side. You can see that he seems to be hiding something, but you figure it was because he couldn't talk about anything specific related to any of the filmed comeback videos.

"Yeah, we are staying at a hotel. We are going to start filming soon." He sighs. "It was a last minute decision since filming took longer than expected yesterday. I wish I could tell you everything that went wrong but I can't."

"I'm sure it'll go better today, love."

 "Thank you, jagiya. But enough about me, jagiya, how are you? Are you excited for tomorrow?"

"A mix of excited and nervous. Excited to have my degree... nervous for whatever comes next. Nervous about walking across that stage to get that empty diploma case and not having a solid next thing waiting for me." You press your lips together and glance over to your cap and gown hanging in your open closet. The whole ordeal almost seems daunting now. "I've applied for jobs in my field but I haven't heard anything back... I doubt any will get back to me when I am fresh out of university."

"I wish I was there with you, (Y/N)." He looked into the camera with a concerned expression. "You'll exceed at whatever you do. I know you will. You are smart and very determined."

"It's probably just all the nerves." You chuckle weakly.

"Just know myself and the others are cheering for you, even if we can't be there. Which, we are still sorry for by the way."

"Don't worry about it. I'll have my family film my walk across the stage and we will take lots of pictures to send to you all."

"We look forward to it." He smiles. You hear a door opening and what you believe to be Hongjoong's voice. You couldn't make out what he said but you saw Seonghwa nod before hearing the door close. "Sorry, (Y/N), I have to go. We need to get ready for filming today."

"Don't apologize, love. You got this. I'm sure you will do great." You smile and you can just tell some of the stress he was feeling dissipate. 

"I love you, jagiya." He says softly.

"I love you too." There is some hesitancy to hang up but you bit the bullet and pressed the little red button on the call. You sigh, but feel lighter. It was like talking to Hwa helped calm your worries.

---

You stood with your family for a moment before you needed to join the rest of the graduating students. You stood with them in your cap and gown and a nice outfit underneath. You couldn't help but wring your hands together. You weren't necessarily nervous, but you did feel a little anxious from the excitement now. You felt you childhood best friend place their hand on your shoulder and they give you a calm smile.

"It's going to be fine, (Y/N)." They gently squeezed your shoulder. "I doubt you'll trip, so don't worry."

"Well I wasn't worried about tripping until now." You groan. "I'm not nervous. I just... can't stay still."

"Oh (Y/N), it's okay to be nervous." Your mother coos, rubbing small circles into your upper back. "Just think about the surprise we have planned for you."

"Surprise?"

"Hun, you weren't suppose to mention that." Your father chuckles. 

"I thought I told you all I needed was just a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant." You say softly. "I hope you didn't spend too much-"

"Don't worry about it. We wanted to get you something for such a big day." Your father grinned. You were going to argue back but heard the call for graduating students to start getting in place for the ceremony.

"Make sure to film my walk please!" You said and they nodded. Your family and your best friend gives you one last hug before you go to where you were supposed to, while they went off to grab seats.

You take a deep breath as you find your spot in line with the rest of your majors getting the same degree level as you and your roommate, who also was graduating alongside you. You smiled at some of your classmates you were friendly with and chatted with them. You were given a slip of paper with your name on it by one of your professors and you were left to wait for the ceremony to start. 

You felt your phone buzz under your gown. You were glad you picked something to wear underneath with pockets. You manage to get your phone out and you smile. All of Ateez were wishing you well and saying their congrats. San even sent a selfie of them all together, which they said was taken after they finished filming. You were glad they messaged you and made sure to tell them to get some rest since it was around 6am for them.

The line you were in started moving so you quickly put your phone away and started walking with your line. You can hear lots of chatter from other graduating students and could hear the chatter from people in the stands. You and the others stood still until you heard one of the deans call you guys to enter. You hear the crowd cheer as the graduating class enters the area. You tried to pinpoint your family and your best friend but had no luck finding them in the sea of people. You take your seat and wait for the rest of the graduate students to also take their seats as the stereotypical graduation march song plays.

The song ended when everyone was finished sitting down. Next were speeches by the college president, a provosts, and a dean whom you never personally interacted with, and then two professors spoke; one is the chair of your major which made you smile. Next were student speeches, neither person you recognized.

You gulp, watching as the rows ahead of you go up one by one as they were instructed by a professor to do so. There was the constant noise of clapping with each name, followed by a few people loudly cheering for whoever just got called. You clapped along as well, watching each person receive their diploma case from the college president and walk to the side to get their picture taken professionally.

Next thing you knew the people in your row started to stand. You quickly got to your feet and follow along to the stage. You wait, taking small steps as person by person hands over their name slip and walk the stage. You were getting closer and closer to the speakers stand.

Then, it's your turn.

You made conscious steps to the speaker, not wanting to trip. You hand them your name card and wait as the person ahead finished crossing the stage. The speaker smiled and read your name into the microphone. You start walking across stage to the president as the crowd clapped.

You hear loud cheers coming from the stand on the other side of the stage, more than what you were expecting from the three people there seeing you graduate. You finally see your parents and your best friend up on their feet, your dad and friend shouting loudly. But in the row in front of them, you see eight figures also on their feet shouting as loud as they can. Immediately you can tell it is Ateez. Even with face masks, different hats, and inconspicuous clothes, you could tell they were your boys. Plus, you can easily tell Wooyoung and Mingi's voices as they were the loudest and most distinct.

A large smile broke out on your face as you kept your tears at bay. You walked the stage with your head held high. You shook hands with the college president and took hold of the diploma case. You walked to the end of the stage and carefully took the steps down. You got your picture taken and you started walking back to your seat.

You look up at the stand when you heard your name shouted repeatedly by Wooyoung, San, and Seonghwa. Each member of Ateez waved as you walked by and you made sure to wave back. You felt pure happiness in the moment.

---

When the ceremony ended and all the graduates exited the way they walked in, you immediately started making your way outside. Your parents texted saying they were waiting for you by the large oak tree. You weave your way through the sea of students and their families as fast as you could. You could see the top of the tree but you knew the trunk was still some distance away from where the ceremony was held. 

You finally breach the crowd and see your parents, your best friend, and Ateez, along with their manager. They spotted you and called your name. You immediately quickened your pace.

Wooyoung held out his arms for a hug but you passed him and immediately clung to Seonghwa. The tears you held back immediately fell as you hugged him.

"Y-You're here! I can't believe you're here! Hongjoong said you guys were busy. You said you-" You rapidly spoke.

"Slow down, jagiya." Seonghwa chuckles. He held you tightly and rubbed your back. 

"Sorry, my love." You sniffle and look to his face. Despite the black mask covering his nose down to his jaw, you can tell he has a big grin on his face. He moves a step back from you, resting his hands on your jaw. The pads of his thumbs swipe away your tears gently. "I'm so happy to see you in person again."

"I'm happy too." He carefully guided you to turn around so he could move back in front of you, his back to the crowd. He pulls down his mask and leans in, his soft lips meet yours in a loving kiss. You couldn't help but smile against his lips as it felt like world around each of you melted away. You both slowly pulled away but kept your faces close. "Congratulations. I am so proud of you, (Y/N)." He whispers and kisses each cheek, making you giggled. 

"Congratulations, (Y/N)!" Wooyoung broke the moment of peace between you both as he pulled you into a big hug. You tilt your head back and laugh, all while there rest of Ateez swarmed you for their own hugs. Your face ached from how much you were smiling.

"Seonghwa contacted us a week after you had us do that video call with him." Your mother started to explain. You remember that day well, feeling nervous for your parents to meet your long distance, idol boyfriend. But they immediately loved him and exchanged contact information; mostly just in case you got in an emergency so they could inform him. Subsequently, of course, your parents met the rest of Ateez. "They wanted to surprise you and here they are."

"Sorry I lied to you, (Y/N)." Hongjoong laughed, his smile telling you he was anything but apologetic. "Yuhno suggested the idea of it being a surprise when I ran into him before I talked it over with our company. So really, blame him."

"Hey, you could of said no, Joong-hyung." Yuhno playfully glared then set his sights on Seonghwa. "Didn't you initiate the call with her parents?"

"Yes, but Sannie and Woo also sat in on the call too." Seonghwa shot back. The group delved into a big, non-serious argument of who is to blame for the lies. You shook your head with a chuckle and went to your parents.

"Thank you for arranging this." You hug them both tightly.

"Of course, (Y/N). We could see how happy you were when we met him and how yourself you were with the rest of the group, so we knew we had to put this together for you somehow." Your father had a big smile on his face, you could see tears in his eyes. "Oh, my child is all grown up..."

"I've been grown up, dad. Don't cry, you're going to make me cry again." You chuckle, feeling that sting of tears again in your eyes. You feel arms wrap around you from behind and you knew immediately it is Seonghwa. "Did you guys settle who's fault it is, love?"

"No, but it seems everyone puts the blame back on Hongjoong." He laughs. He smiles at your parents and gives them a polite bow of his head. The rest of Ateez joined back up with your parents and your best friend. They started discussing dinner plans, you jumping in when needed for translation help.

Your smile doesn't leave your face as you lean back into Seonghwa. You could have just cheap take out with everyone and you'd be happy.

---

You said goodbye to your parents and best friend when everyone arrived back at your apartment after dinner. They wanted to let you have some time alone with Ateez. Your parents managed to reserve a private space at a great restaurant ran by a friend of your mother's. The manager went to buy snacks and drinks for the rest of you guys for tonight at a near by convenience store.

"Wow you have a nice place, (Y/N)." Yeosang compliments as he looks at the various decorations and how you and your roommate placed the minimal furniture.

"Thanks, it was a collaborative effort with my roomie. Which, be as loud as you guys want. She won't be in for a few nights since she'll be staying with her family." You smile and turn go to put leftovers from dinner in the fridge, missing the way everyone looked towards Seonghwa. "How long are you here for?"

"Just the rest of tonight. We fly back early in the morning tomorrow. We may have pulled this off but we still have busy schedules coming up." Jongho answers.

"Sorry we can't stay longer." San sighs with an apologetic smile.

"No worries, I'm happy you guys made it for today." You grin and move to sit next to Hwa on the couch, immediately leaning against him. "So I take it you guys flew in last night? Is that why you were actually in a hotel, love?"

He chuckles and nods, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. His fingers gently traced patterns on your arm. "I'm glad we got to witness this."

"Of course, I'd do the same for you guys."

"Well, if you would..." Mingi smiles as he walks in front of you, holding out several small pieces of paper for you. You gingerly take them, and look at everyone with confusion and curiosity as they surrounded the couch. Wooyoung took his spot next to you and rested his chin on your shoulder, aka, on Seonghwa's hand.

"Oh my God." You gasp as you look at each paper. They chuckled at your shock. There were several plane tickets; one to South Korea, a round trip ticket to Japan and then back to Korea, and then one back home. The next paper was a pass for the waterbomb festival coming up.

"We will email you the actual virtual tickets soon." Wooyoung said with a big grin.

"A graduation present from us and our manager." Seonghwa kissed your temple.

"This had to be so expensive..."

"Don't worry about it at all. We didn't have to pay for the waterbomb ticket and we all chipped in for the flights." Yuhno said softly from behind the couch. You felt his hand pat the top of your head a few times. There was a knock at the door and the tallest went to open the door for their manager,  who came in with two, black plastic bags and one backpack. You quickly got up to your feet and approached him with a smile.

"Thank you for all you have done."

"I should thank you for helping me keep them in line." He chuckles and hands you the plastic bags. He walks over to the couch and sets the backpack at Seonghwa's feet. "Remember, we have a flight back to Korea tomorrow. Don't drink too much. (Y/N), drink all you want."

Some time passed and everyone was lounging around in the living room of your apartment. Mingi, San, and Wooyoung took over the couch. Jongho, Yuhno, Yeosang, and their manager sat in chairs from the small kitchen table. You, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong were sitting on the floor, all while everyone watched a trashy, American reality show. You were sitting between Hwa's legs with your back against his chest while he rested against San's legs.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You fish it out and unlock it, seeing it was an email notification. You tapped the notification, though you didn't read what it was for, figuring it was a promotional thing or something. You looked up at the tv screen for a moment before taking a moment to read over the contents of the email.

Your eyes slowly widened with each line you read. You felt your heart flutter as you sit up straight. You felt Seonghwa's hands on your hips and he had a curious look on his face.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" He asks softly, trying not to draw everyones attention. He leans forward and you can feel his chest on your back again, his chin on your shoulder. You raise your phone screen up so he can have an easier time reading the email. You turn your head just enough to see his expression turn to one of shock. You felt him wrap his arms around your waist and hold you tight as a big smile broke out on his face. "Does... Does this mean...?"

"What's happening?" Sannie asked from the couch. He leaned forward as well and you pass him your phone. You can practically feel the excitement oozing from Seonghwa. San suddenly stood up, knocking into the eldest's back. He had a huge grin, his dimple prominent on his face. 

Wooyoung snatched your phone from San and you watched as his eyes scan over the screen. He then looks up at you with a big smile. "No way!"

"Care to share with the rest of us?" Mingi asked while Yeosang muted the channel. 

"Well-" San started to speak but then clasps his own hand over his mouth for a moment. He hands you back your phone and sits back down. He eagerly gestures for you to speak. You feel Hwa's hands gently squeeze your hips.

"A job I applied for contacted me and told me they were looking for fresh faces and say they see potential with my resume, my CV, and from my letters of recommendation." You beamed and everyone looked excited for you. A sea of congratulations soon followed. You kept your beaming expression and you see Hongjoong look at you.

"There is more, isn't there?" He asked, a smile growing on his face.

"The job is located in Seoul. And they are allowing me to start towards the end of the year to give me time to get my legal documents situated and to move." 

There was a moment of silence.

Then, your apartment became chaos with pure excitement. Seonghwa, Wooyoung and San already pledged themselves to help you find a place in your upcoming visit. Mingi and Yuhno express excitement for the prospect of staying over at your new place. Yeosang, Jongho, and Hongjoong already start to make plans for when you start living there. Everyone decides to have one more drink to celebrate, their manager unable to say no to such an occasion.

---

You give each member a hug as they are about to leave for the night, saying your goodbyes. You move to hug Seonghwa but he sidesteps you and moves to stand behind you. You give him a confused look while the others chuckle.

"I'm staying with you tonight, jagiya." He pecked your cheek. The others say goodnight, their manager telling him to be read by 7am, and they all quickly leave. Now, it's just you and Seonghwa. 

"That's why he brought a backpack for you." You laugh and turn to face him. You place your hands on the back of his neck and raise a brow. "You've been nothing but surprises today. I really do appreciate it." 

"Of course. I'd do just about anything for you." He smiles sweetly and leans in to kiss you. Unlike the other kisses you two shared today, this one was longer and more passionate. You can feel his lips move against yours as he swipes his tongue along your bottom lip. You smile against the kiss. Before you could part your lips, he pulls away with a flirtatious look. 

"I love you, love." He smiles at your words. He lifts his hand up and gently traces his fingers down the side of your face, sending shivers down your spine. His arms wrap around your body and he keeps you pressed against him.

"I love you too, jagiya." He brings you into another intense kiss, his tongue invading your mouth this time. You feel his fingers curl in against your back, all while your hands find themselves in his hair. He breaks the kiss once more but rests his forehead against yours. "Would you like to celebrate a little more? We don't have to go further than this-"

"I would love to." You grin. You move from Seonghwa's grasp and take his hand, pulling him to your bedroom.

The second you closed the door, Hwa is already guiding you to your bed. He lays you down on your back while he crawls over you, his lips pressed against yours. His hands grip your hips before he starts to slide them under your shirt. He shifts his leg, placing it between your thighs. His knee is just barely brushes against your core. His hands start to gently kneed your breasts over your bra.

Seonghwa starts to trail tender kisses down from your mouth to your neck. You smile at the affection and you place a kiss of your own on the top of his head. He smirked against your neck as he gently bites your skin. You feel him shift his leg that was between your legs, applying a small amount of pressure against your cunt. You let out a soft noise from the sensation and you can feel yourself growing wetter and wetter.

You move one your hands down to the growing bulge in his pants. Seonghwa chuckled and sat up, taking your hand off him.

"Tonight is all about you, jagiya." He smiled softly. He took hold of both your wrists in his hand and held them above your head. "Let me worship you."

You felt a pleasant shiver down your spine again and you nod. Hwa let go of your hands and began kissing your neck again. This time his kisses and bites to your neck were more intense. You knew for sure you would have a couple of marks there. He released his hold on your wrists but you kept your arms about head. Your body is completely at his mercy and that had you excited.

You felt him press his leg against your aching core again and this time you rolled your hips to seek pleasure, causing yourself to moan.

"Good, jagiya." Seonghwa chuckles as he moves his face by your ear. You feel his lips brush against your ear before he gently nips it. He sat up and helped you up as well.

He hums softly, tracing his nose along your face before he kisses you again. He gently nibbles your bottom lip and stares deeply into your eyes. Hwa licks his lips as he leans down and scans your body with his eyes. You feel his hand take hold of your shirt and slowly lift it up and off your body. His fingers nimbly unclasps your bra and he tosses it off your body. 

Seonghwa's hands caress and gently squeeze your breasts, the pads of his thumbs were on your nipples as he rubbed small circles with them.  He hummed with a smile. "I missed these."

You chuckle softly. "You missed my boobs?"

"Yes." He moves himself so his face his close to them. "I missed all off you, (Y/N). I missed your face, your touch, your taste... I missed seeing your smile in person, I missed hearing your laugh right beside me. I miss you."

"I miss you too Hwa." You give his cheek a tender peck. You bite your bottom lip as his hands still kneaded your breasts and his thumbs applied some pressure. "Luckily I got that job. I'll be a lot closer to you by next year."

"Still feels so far away." He whispers and starts kissing your chest. He bites the skin and sucks, doing this until he reached your nipples. His mouth encompasses the pebbled skin. You bring one of your hands up to his head and combed your fingers through his hair. He sucks and gently nibbles, his tongue rolling over your perked bud. He does this to both nipples for a few moments before pulling away, a line of saliva briefly hangs between his lips and your skin. "I want to try something, jagiya." 

"What do you want to try, love?"

"Would you want to sit on my face and let me pleasure you?" His question makes your face flush with heat. 

"You'd want to do that? Are-Are you sure you want me to sit on your face?" You can feel yourself getting more wet by the second.

"Of course." He smiles sweetly. He sits up straight so he can meet your eyes easily, his hands slide down and gently hold onto your hips. "Like I said, jagiya, I missed your taste and I think you will look breathtaking doing so... Do you want to try this out with me?"

"Then... I would like to." You bite your bottom lip and smile. His face broke out in a grin and he helped you off your lap. He moves to lay down as you slip off your pants and underwear. You move yourself up the bed near his head and carefully placed your leg on the other side of his head. His hands slid up from behind your thighs and your ass to hold your hips. You hovered over his face, looking down at him between your legs. You were a bit hesitant to lower yourself down though. "Are you sure-"

You didn't even get to finish your question when you felt Seonghwa pull you down to his mouth. Immediately his tongue went to work against you clit. You moan, one hand bracing yourself against the wall while you bury the fingers of the other in his dark hair. A vibrator certainly worked wonders, but there is something else about his tongue. He moved his up and down against your clit before moving it in circles clockwise.

"Hwa..." You say, almost sounding breathless. He simply hums and continues his ministrations with his tongue. He nuzzles his faces against your cunt and adjust his mouth so he could lap you up. Seonghwa's tongue briefly pushes against your clit and then you feel his lips wrap around your sensitive bud, gently sucking on it. Instinctively you bite your lip to hold back your moan, making him lightly slap your ass, not enough to hurt but to get a point across. He lifts you just enough to free his mouth so he could speak.

"You said your roommate is gone for the night?" He asks and you give him a quick 'yes.' You felt his lips curl into a smile. "Then don't hold back, jagiya. It's just us."

You feel his tongue move against you again in all the right ways, making you moan again. You didn't hold it back this time and you could tell Hwa is pleased with that. He shifted underneath you and he buries his face into your cunt, he continued to gently suck and swirl his tongue around your clit. His ministrations had you squirming, slowly rocking your hips against him, and you were making all sorts of noises. 

"Seonghwa..." You whimper. You speaking his name in such a manner had him groan in pleasure. You feel him shift yet again, his grip on your hips firm. His tongue is off your clit and you feel his tongue swirl around your entrance. He penetrates you and thrusts with his tongue while his nose brushed against your swollen bud. His mouth is working wonders on your and you can feel yourself getting closer to an orgasm. Hwa doesn't relent, keeping the pleasure going and keeping you relatively still with his hands holding onto your hips. "Fuck... Hwa I'm-!"

Your walls fluttered around his tongue. You feel your thigh muscles tighten and they press against his head. A loud noise of pleasure leaves your lips as you throw your head back. Hwa squeezes and lightly massages your hips as you climax, his tongue slowly slides out from your hole and gently licks your cunt. He waits a few moments before gently guiding you off his face. You lift a leg and sit next to his head, your back against your headboard. 

Seonghwa quickly got up, licking his lips clean of your juices though his chin and nose still shined with your climax. He sits next to you and his hands caress your legs. He smiles at you, a look of satisfaction on his face, while you came down from your orgasm. 

"You have a little something on your face." You giggle and gesture around your own chin and nose. He chuckles and you watch as he swipes his fingers over his skin and then lick them clean.

"Better?" He whispers with a slight smirk. You can tell he was trying to be sexy but he still had some of your cum on him. You giggle softly making him blush and chuckle.

"Here, hold on for a moment." You get up from the bed and head out of your room to your bathroom. You grabbed a clean wash cloth, dampened it with some water, and returned to your bedroom. You hand Seonghwa the cloth and he gives you an appreciative smile, his cheeks and ears dusted with a subtle pink. You sit back down as he cleans off his face. He sets the cloth on your nightstand and looks back at you.

You watch as Seonghwa gets off the bed. His eyes scan your body with a smirk. Slowly, he took off his shirt and slid off his pants and boxers. Both of you were completely nude and you can see just how turned on he is. Hwa gets back onto your bed and gets right up to you, his face mere inches from yours.

"I love you so much, (Y/N)." He whispers. His hand comes up and gently caresses your jaw and neck.

"I love you too, Seonghwa." You smile at him, your tone soft and full of love. He smiles back and presses his lips against yours. His kiss is tender this time around. His hand cradles the back of your head to keep you in place, but you know you don't want to pull away in this moment. Your fingers graze the skin of his bare chest. You slowly brought them up to his collarbones and then his neck.

"Hmm, I want to take this all the way, jagiya." He pauses for a moment as his eyes look down at your body and then back at your face. He smirks. "I want to hear all those lovely noises you make."

"If I get to ride you, my love." You say in a sensual tone. His smirk crumbles to a flustered look at your suggestion, but he still smiles regardless.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes." You nod and he bites his bottom lip. Seonghwa moves and sits down, his back against the headboard now. You grin, moving to stand on your legs before you throw your leg over his lap, effectively straddling him. His hands are once again on your hips as he pulls your body against his. He has a lustful and excited smile on his face.

"Condoms? I brought some-"

"No, it's fine. I trust you and I'm still taking birth control." You smile.

You reach behind and grab the shaft of Seonghwa's cock. You carefully drag his tip through your wet folds to tease him a little. You line him up to your entrance and look at his face. He gives a small nod for you to continue and you do so. You slowly lower yourself down, languidly taking him inside you. You both let out a soft moans. You sat in his lap, your hands grip his shoulders, while his cock fully inside you and you take a moment to savor the feeling.

"Ah, you feel so good, jagiya." Seonghwa mumbles, his lips barely brush against yours. You can feel his hot breath but you didn't care. His eyes were half-closed as he stared deeply into yours. You can feel his hands caressing your hips, thighs, and ass. His length twitches inside and you can tell he is full of anticipation for you to start moving. Hwa gives you a sweet smile, which contrasts with the current, steamy situation. "Take your time. You have control right now until you want me to take over."

"Thank you, love." You whisper softy and peck his lips. You wait a full two minutes before you started moving. You take a slow and steady pace, your thigh muscles flexing as you raise yourself up and down on his cock. Seonghwa's hands firmly held your hips yet he made no effort to control your movements, he simply assisted you so you wouldn't be doing all the work. 

"This feels nice." Hwa murmurs and leans his head down, his lips pressing against your neck. You feel his teeth graze your skin and he gently nips at your neck.

"Feels s'good." You moan softly. You rock your hips at a pleasurable pace. It is a very sensual moment between you both. It was just you and him, nothing else mattered. He raised his head from your neck and pressed his forehead against yours. He looked at you with pure adoration and love. His hands slide to your lower back and then moved up to your shoulder blades. You feel his arms against your sides as he hugged you close to his chest. You still moved your hips at a slow pace. 

This is a moment of passion and pleasure, but also a moment of love and bliss.

You sunk all the way down on him and gently grind your hips against him, feeling pleasure come from your clit grazing his pubic mound. Seonghwa smiles at you, enjoying how you look getting yourself off on him. He kiss your cheek and his lips linger to you skin for a few moments. You feel his fingertips press into your back and rub small circles on your skin.

You returned to moving yourself up and down on his cock. You increased your speed, sometimes focusing on his tip and then rotating to taking him all the way. Regardless  of what you did, he was moaning and groaning at all your movements. His hands were back on your hips as you leaned away from him with your hands gripping his shoulders. You both wanted to see your faces.

You feel a coil-like sensation in your lower stomach as pleasure builds up again. Your breathing is harsh and deep, and you can feel your legs getting tired... but you wanted to keep going. Seonghwa could see and feel how you your stamina is waning. He smiles sweetly and leans forward to capture your lips in a passionate yet short kiss.

"Relax, jagiya." His voice is smooth and low. He holds your hips and stops your movements. Seonghwa then starts to thrust his hips up at a quick pace. A loud moan escapes your lips as you cling on to him. He leaned forward and nibbles on your neck while you feel one of his hands move from your hip to your pubic mound. Hwa pressed his thumb over your swollen clit and started rubbing circles.

"O-Oh, Hwa..." You whimper out. You feel that heat building up more and more inside you.

"Hng- You're amazing, (Y/N)."He moaned as well, moving his head away from your neck to stare at your face. You can see he was getting close to his own release by the erotic expression on his face. 

"I-I think... I'm going to cum again." You whisper, feeling that all too familiar feeling crawl up your legs. You looked at him with all the love you could muster. The intimacy and intense feelings all added to your impending orgasm. The way the head of his cock hit that sweet spot inside you just right and his thumb swirling and applying the correct amount pressure sent you over the edge. You lean forward with your forehead against his as a loud whine leaves your mouth, your walls fluttering around his cock.

"(Y/N)-!" He groaned, still thrusting into your cunt. He stared intensely into your eyes, chasing his own climax. His breathing grows ragged and his thrusts became off rhythm. A moan tumbles from his lips as he sloppily kisses you, thrusting one last time. You feel his cock twitch inside you as his cum coats your walls. He keeps himself fully sheathed inside you as you both catch your breaths.

"Seonghwa..." You murmur, your body slumping against his, resting your head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around you and his hands gently grip the skin of your back. You feel his warm breath fan over the back of your neck as he leveled out his breathing. Seonghwa made a noise that sounded like a mix of a sigh and a moan as he rests his head against yours.

Neither of you said anything further. Seonghwa keeps his arms tight around you while you equally clinged to him. Nothing really needed to be said in this moment, the high emotions you both shared spoke enough.

Minutes passed when you finally speak up.

"We should probably clean up and get you to bed." You whisper to him, pulling your head back to look over this face.

"I want to stay like this, jagiya." He murmurs, placing his lips on your neck. "I feel so close to you like this... "

"I know, love, but we have to be up early." Hwa groaned at this, which makes you laugh.

"Stop being right."

"Come on... let's take a shower, Hwa." He reluctantly helps you off his lap, his softening length now out of you. You both get off from your bed and you lead him out your room to your bathroom. His hands remained on your waist as you both walked and then waited for the shower water to warm up. He didn't want to let go of you just yet.

After the shower and after drying off, you both go back into your room to change into comfortable clothes to sleep in. He laid down first, slipping under the covers. When you joined him, you laugh when his arms pulled you flush against his body. Seonghwa tucks your head under his chin and he holds you firmly in his arms. You chuckle and hold him just as tightly.

"I don't want to let go of you again... this feels like it's going to be harder than when you when you visited." He says with a sigh.

"I know, Hwa, I know." You mumble, already feel an ache in your chest. "Let's savor the rest of tonight together."

There is a pause.

"I love you, (Y/N)."

"I love you too, Seonghwa."

Morning came too fast your liking. You and Seonghwa awoke with your limbs practically tangled. His warmth despite the temperatures warming outside is comforting in the moment. You both reluctantly got dressed and made Hwa a light breakfast.

A little before 7am, Ateez and their manager came back over to pick Seonghwa up and of course came to say goodbye. You got an earful of teasing when they see the blemishes and marks Hwa left on your neck. You hugged each member and of course your hug lingered on Hwa, with you both gently caressing each other's backs for comfort.

Goodbyes were harder this time around, but you still had that ray of optimism due to your move to South Korea. It will be rough, but with Seonghwa, the rest of Ateez, and even their manager, you knew it would be a feat you'll overcome.

Your new horizon awaits you and your life with Seonghwa seems to be on the right track.

------------

Taglist: @stopeatread @hee0soo @tridkeys @pocketjoong-reads @seonghwaddict @lelaleleb @acciocriativity @h-nji

[phoenix-eclipses]

Casting Love 0.6 -- Put it in the Universe

YN got there early. The moment they walked into the store, one of the employees immediately recognized them and waved. They waved back and sat at one of the tables, not wanting to order anything yet while waiting for Kenma.

Right at 2:30 Kenma walked into the small cafe. YN walked over.

"Hi! How are you today?"

"Oh, hi. I'm okay. Were you waiting?"

"Not for that long, don't worry. I just didn't have much to do once class ended so I changed and headed over. I got here like five minutes ago." they waved his concern off before turning to the menu. "What do you want? I'd personally recommend a slice of one of their pies, they're all really good."

"Hm." He walked over to the display case and looked at the options. "I'll take a slice of the apple pie."

"Nice choice! I haven't tried it myself but one of my friends really like it. Hmm... I think I'll have the strawberry rhubarb." YN glanced to the employee who happened to be listening. "And I'll take your recommended drink."

After they got their food and drinks, the two walked over to one of the empty tables to discuss a few things. YN pulled out their laptop and shifted it so Kenma could see the screen.

"I made a list of a few things I felt like were important to discuss with each other."

Schedules (update each other if major updates are made)

Extended absences (missing one or two days in a row is okay, at least for me, but preferably alert each other if we're going to be gone, especially if it's for multiple classes)

Weekly or biweekly meetings (don't know how much time we'll have in class to properly talk so it'd be important to talk outside of class)

"Of course, if you have anything you're concerned about you can add it in the list. I just thought these were important to settle first."

Kenma nodded his head, opening his own laptop. "Can you share this with me? It'd be helpful for us to both have it to our disposal in case we need to reference it or if any changes need to be made."

"Yep! What's your email?"

0.5 -- Masterlist -- 0.7

Notes

YN did in fact leave their class early (the prof takes attendance in the beginning so they got full attendance marks since he didnt even notice)

They were running back to their shared appartment with Iwa as they called Tsuki (they almost tripped while trying to explain everything to him)

Realistically, it didn't take them that long to decide on an outfit (like 10 minutes max) but then YN spent the rest of the time worrying about how to talk to Kenma so they made the bullet list to try and at least have a baseline to start from

YN was purposefully excluding Oikawa because it's 1/2 am for him

I love Kenma but I'm also convinced unless he is fully interested in the conversation/it's with one person he's comfortable with he can be dry asf

The range of time of when I drop these posts keeps getting more chaotic, it really just represents the ruin my sleep schedule is in

One of the funniest but also hardest things about this is because my normal writing tends to be so much more formal than this but I want the writing portions to fit the vibe but also just be goofy so don't expect anything crazy from them :b

Taglist

@staygoldsquatchling02 @walllflowerrrsss @oyasumeii @rinnylvr

@bi-bi-papillon @ris-krispie @madiexuberant @giocriedpower

@lunavixia @singleandlonely

Fill out this form to be added!

[ivarlover]

MISUNDERSTOOD

Chapter 1

So, I did a thing. I have not abandoned my series, Unleashed, with Alex and Ivar (& am still working on it), but this is an idea that I had that I had to write down before it left me.

Modern Ivar + Female Reader

Friends to lovers

NSFW 18+ ONLY

Summary: Ivar and reader went to school together and now work together where he has become her boss. They used to argue all the time, but now they've begun to work well together, maybe too well. It seems that one or the other, or maybe both, have developed feelings. What will they do with these feelings? Who will make the first move?

Warnings: slow burn, real slow, language, eventually smut

Words: I don't know. I never do, but there's a lot, maybe 3 chapters

*Please let me know if you want on or off the tag list*

And feedback is always welcomed

-------------------------------------------------------

Misunderstood Master List

You and Ivar had known each other for several years now. You both graduated with honors from the same high school, him being your only competition for staking your claim as the top of your class. So needless to say, you were anything but thrilled when you had been informed that the both of you would be the Valedictorian.

After you had ended up working at his father's company, unbeknownst to you until it was already too late, the two of you had worked somewhat as a team on project after project together, and you'd learned how to deal with the asshole he truly was. You tried not to show how he got under your skin, but sometimes, you just couldn't hold it inside and would give him a piece of your mind. He thought so highly of himself and, despite his striking good looks, you wanted to be sure he was aware of just what an asshole you thought him to be.

Now that he'd gotten the long awaited promotio he'd been wanting, he was sure to make your life a living hell. "How did that mother fucker become my boss anyway? Wait. Why am I even surprised? Of course, he got the job. I mean, daddy is the owner. Does that mean I'll have to fetch his coffee in the mornings and go out to buy shit for his mistresses on my lunchbreeaks? I'm doomed. I have got to find a new job before any of that bullshit!" You had complained to your best friend, Liv, who happened to also work with you.

"Now, in his defense, you know he worked hard to get that position, Y/N, so be nice. You could have had it yourself, remember? It has nothing to do with Ragnar, and you know it. And you can't go find another job. What would I do here without you?"

You rolled your eyes, "Thanks for the support, you cow!" was all you offered her in return.

Even though you'd expected the absolute worst from Ivar as your new boss, he'd actually surprised you. The very first time he called you into his office, you opened the doors and immediately rolled your eyes when you saw the incredible city view from the window, the massive desk he sat at, and the sheer size of the office itself.

He stood when you entered, "Please, close the doors behind you." You huffed as you turned and did so, thinking he'd better not use his power to come onto you.

As you approached, he motioned to the chairs, "Please, have a seat." No matter how much you tried, you couldn't exactly hide your annoyance for the situation.

"Before we start, I can't help but notice your hostility. Did I miss something?"

Slightly embarrassed, you answered, "No, I-I'm sorry. It's just, well, I can only imagine what you've called me in here to do for you. Don't forget, I know you, Lothbrok. Just because you're my boss now, doesn't mean I suddenly have amnesia." You didnt care if he fired you. You had savings. He smiled at your antics. You seriously weren't going to make this easy for him.

"Well, actually, that's exactly the reason I asked for you to join me. I wanted to go over a few things." You sighed, and he tried to ignore it as he continued. "You will be my Administrative Assistant, as you know, but unlike how most of the people around here seem to run things, that, in no way, implies that you'll be my personal servant. I can get my own coffee, if I choose to have any, I'll go out for my own lunch, the cleaning people who clean the offices at night will do my cleaning as well. I'm no fool, Y/N. I know if you had tried for this position, you would be the one sitting behind this desk, and I do not intend to rub that in your face. You're here to do a job, and I plan to make it as pleasant of one as I can."

You were stunned. You'd never had a conversation with Ivar Lothbrok that hadn't ended in the two of you insulting each other in one way or another. "Does that sound to your liking?" he asked, bringing you back to the conversation at hand.

"Oh, umm, yeah, I mean, yes. Yes, of course."

"Then what's wrong?" he looked genuinely concerned, and you hated how well he knew you.

"Well, umm. I just. I mean. I'd expected that..."

"I'd be the same asshole that I've always been?"

You sighed, "Well, yes."

He laughed, "You really don't get it, do you? I was sure you were going to try for this position, too, and like I said, I knew you'd get it if you did. What came so effortlessly easy for you, I've had to study for, practice, and be on my toes for."

"The whole while, you breeze in here, talking about the drinks you went out for the night before and had only had a couple of hours of sleep, then blow everybody away in the meeting with your knowledge and perfect answers. You didn't know I'd been up the night before, going over everything two and sometimes, even three times just to be sure I didn't fuck up the next day."

"So, you were just jealous all this time, Lothbrok? That's what it's all been about? You're incredibly intelligent, too, you know?"

"Was that a compliment I just heard?" he grinned, and you rolled your eyes. "Not jealousy. I was just, umm, worried I wouldn't get what I've been working so hard for. Why didn't you try for the job?"

"Too much responsibility. I make well, live comfortably, and I've been in management positions before. I'm just tired of that stress."

"Honesty. I like it. Well, I'd say I owe you a thank you. I'm only here because you didn't want to be, and contrary to popular belief, I have no problem admitting that. So. We're on the same page now?"

You nodded, and that was the end of the meeting. You walked out with the look of complete shock across your face. When Liv saw you, all she could ask was, "You're not quitting, are you? What happened?"

"We'll talk over lunch."

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The next few months as Ivar's assistant turned out to be absolutely nothing like you'd expected. He regarded your opinion as highly as his own. He had only one meeting without you and told you after it that he'd like you present for all the other ones. He said he knew you'd have an insight that maybe he'd overlook, and he wanted you to have his back.

At the first one you attended, one of the other men from a competing company had made a remark to you to pour him and his men more drinks. When you rolled your eyes, he called you a bitch and told you to do as you're told. Ivar had stood up immediately and called security to escort him and his men out. "I thought you were a serious buisness man and wanted to make huge profits for your company, not some pussy whipped asshole who'd put pleasure before buisness," the man said to Ivar as security was escorting them out of the conference room.

You'd never seen Ivar move so fast. He was standing in front of the man, before he'd had time to blink, with his hand clutching the man's jaw. "I don't do buisness with anyone who can't respect women. She is my equal and will be treated as such. From my understanding, your buisness really needed this deal, not mine, so I believe it will be you who will be hurting from the loss of profits, not us." He released the man and said to security, "See to it that they are all escorted completely off of the property, and make sure they know downstairs that no one from their company should be allowed to enter beyond the front lobby."

"Yes, sir."

When he turned back to you, he saw your bright red face. "Are you ok? What is it?" He rushed to your side.

"I, umm. I'm speechless. You didn't have to do that. I can stand up for myself."

"I know you can, but you shouldn't have to in a place like this. That was uncalled for." He sat back down as if nothing had happened and begin to type on his laptop. Looking back up at your still shocked face, he asked, "What?"

"I. Umm. I'm sorry. That was a big deal for the company. I'm so sorry. Maybe I shouldn't attend...."

"Stop apologizing. It's not your fault, and it would've been a bigger deal for them than it would have been for us. I'm sending an email to my father about it right now. It'll be fine. I'll still want you to attend that other meeting with me tomorrow, though, ok?"

"Umm, ok. Hope it goes better than this one," and you gently closed the doors behind you and headed back to your desk.

You felt confused. Ivar Lothbrok had been the target of your hate for so long that you weren't sure how to feel about him defending you like that. And even more confusing, you realized that, even though it had been an extremely simple act, you'd, surprisenly, liked it.

The next few weeks passed quickly. You'd attended every meeting you'd put on Ivar's calendar. You'd helped him when he asked for it, and gave suggestions even when he didn't. He really seemed to appreciate your expertise, and had completely changed a few of his pitches to other companies based on your ideas.

He liked your sharp mind and how you thought out of the box. He'd never met another person who was so similar to himself, especially not a female, and one who challenged him and the way even he thought. It was fascinating to him. And it drove him crazy. No one had ever matched his intelligence or his wit. He even found himself looking forward to the challenge each day, and that was when he knew he was in trouble.

-------------------------------------------------------

You'd gotten used to the meetings and negotiations. Ivar had given you free reign to negotiate on his behalf. He knew the company was always your priority. To your surprise, the two of you made a great, strong team, and had made the company some significant gains. Ivar never shied away from giving you the credit you deserved when discussing the deals the two of you had made. He'd gained respect from you that you'd never expected to want to give him.

He'd asked you to attend an out of state conference with him. It was a very important one, and all the who's who of the business would be there. You'd meet many important people, and his hope was that the two of you would make a nice impression on most of them, and they'd agree to do buisness with you guys. "But me? Why? Shouldn't your father be the one to attend with you? Or I don't know, anyone but me. I'm just..."

"My right hand woman. You have helped me make the necessary changes in this company that I've always dreamed about making. I won't lie, I know I could have done it without you," you snarled at him, "But it would've taken me twice as long. It would have been way more difficult to close some of those big whigs, and I think once you're there at the conference, you'll enjoy it and help me put our best foot forward. Due to several of our choices and deals that we've made, the company is thriving now, more than ever. It's only right that you should go as well, and father agrees."

"But I, I don't know how to act at those kinds of fancy things. What if I get nervous, and freeze and forget what to say?"

"I'll be right by your side, and we'll manage it together. Please. It would mean a great deal to me," he coughed, "To the company."

You pretended like you didn't notice his last words as you rolled it over in your mind. He could see your wheels turning, and he smiled. "Look, you won't pay for anything while we're gone. I'll have the company card, so all expenses are covered one hundred percent: flight, room and board, cocktails, dresses, everything."

You looked up at him quizzically, "Dresses?"

Smiling, he answered, "Well, yes. There will be some very formal evenings. I know you have nice things; don't get me wrong, but I'll be getting a new suit or two myself and probably even a tux, so I think it's only fair to take the lady on the shopping spree with me." He dropped his head a little, trying to hide his face that he knew was now flushed bright red.

"Well, I don't think that will be necessary. There's just one thing, if I say yes, I will have my own..."

"Room? Yes, absolutely. We'll have separate rooms that are hopefully, close by so we can discuss things before we meet everyone. And you can say the shopping isn't necessary, but just wait until you see some of those gorgeous dresses," he grinned.

"Fine, Lothbrok," you rolled your eyes at him, "I'll go with you."

"Just one more thing."

You turned back to him as you were headed out of his office, "What now?"

"Can you at least try not to roll your eyes at me while we're there? It seems to be ypur favorite thing. Sure, it's cute and all, but I don't want to be made a fool of in front of those people."

You gulped, face turning bright red, "Umm, yeah, sure. I'm sorry. Uh, I didn't mean..."

Smiling back at you, he cut you off, "It's fine, Y/N."

Walking back to your desk, all you could think of was how he said you rolling your eyes was cute. What was happening here? Why had that make you feel butterflies, feel anything at all? This entire trip was probably a bad idea. A very bad idea. You were certainly happy Liv wasn't at her desk. You couldn't talk to her just yet. You had to pull it together first.

-----------------------------------------------------

Refusing to accept Ivar's offer for a car to pick you up, you met him at the airport. He helped you with your bags, ignoring your protests, and you only heard Liv's words in your head, "That man wants you something fierce. It's obvious." She had to be wrong. She had to be. He was one of the eligible bachelors in town. He could have any woman he wanted, and had, as you'd seen for yourself with all the different gorgeous women who used to come in and out of the office back before he was your boss. No, Liv was definitely projecting her own wishes onto you. She'd always thought Ivar was hot, but she had a wonderful boyfriend.

As the two of you boarded the plane, you pushed the thoughts of Liv out of your mind. Why had you even entertained any of it to begin with? She's crazy.

You headed to the left as Ivar called after you, "Y/N, where are you going?"

"To our seats?" you answered, confused.

"We're in first class, Dear," he laughed. "This way."

Dear.

You were pleasantly surprised during the flight. Ivar and you talked about everything you could think of, the ridiculous new rules in the airport, work, the convention, and to your amazement, his family and yours. He was genuinely curious about you, where you grew up, your relationship with you family and parents. You really enjoyed that he was actually attentive and listening. He really wanted to know more about you. Imagine that!

After a tiring flight and long ride, you finally arrived at the hotel. You stood with Ivar as he checked you in. To your horror, you heard the attendant say, "Oh, good evening, Mr. And Mrs. Lothbrok. Your room is on the 6th floor."

Before you had a chance to protest, he answered, "Excuse me? You mean rooms, correct? And this is not Mrs. Lothbrok. This is Y/F/N Y/L/N. There should be two reservations."

Looking worried, she typed away on the computer. After a long moment, she finally said, "I'm terribly sorry, Sir. There's only one reservation under your name, and nothing under hers at all. If it helps, the room is a suite with two separate bedrooms. I'm sure you'll find the accommodations to your liking."

Her face was red  and she was visibaly shaking when Ivar responded. "That's not the point! This is a buisness trip! We are here for the conference! Not on a vacation. Y/N is my colleague, not my fucking wife!" You felt embarrassed. You certainly knew, now, how very wrong Liv had been.

"I need you to give us a second room! Immediately! I ensured my colleague here that she'd have her own room. Imagine how uncomfortable she'll be sharing a room with me! You know what? Let me speak to your supervisor!"

This was the Ivar you knew. You'd nearly forgotten how rude he could be. "Lothbrok." He didn't look at you. You placed your hand on his arm, "Ivar. It's ok. She said there are separate bedrooms. We can manage."

He turned to you, "No! That's unacceptable. I don't want to put you in any compromising situations, make you uncomfortable in any way. This is not what I reserved. I promise."

"Ivar, I..."

The manager approached. After speaking with Ivar for a long time, he finally agreed to accept the room they had for the two of you together. Because of the conference, there wasn't any others available, and there was no way he'd have you stay in a completely different hotel. The manager had agreed to discount the room and apologized profusely for the mistake. Ivar told you he'd only finally accepted it because you reassured him that you were ok with it.

As the two of you finally got to the room, he opened the door, "Ladies first."

You gasped when you saw how incredibly nice the room was. Black leather furniture, a full, stocked bar, blue, thick, velvet curtains, a beautiful chandelier hanging in the middle of the room. "Ivar, there's no way I would have let you pay for two of the suites. Are you kidding me right now?" He stood behind you, watching and smiling.

When you opened the door to the bedroom, it took your breath away. There was a king size bed decorated beautifully with pillows you wanted to jump into. As you walked in futher, you saw the bathroom. "Oh my God! This thing is massive!"

"That's what she said," Ivar said from behind you.

"You," you grinned, shaking your head, "Of course, you'd never change just because you're the one in charge."

"Oh? I'm in charge now, am I?"

"C'mon, you know what I mean. And seriously, look at this tub! I could swim in there! It's big enough for us both!" You turned and pointed your finger at him,"Don't even say it, Lothbrok!" He only laughed.

When you went back to the main room, Ivar flopped down on the sofa, his large body covering nearly all of it. "I'm starving. What about you?"

Sitting in the chair across from him, you answered, "Yeah, I could eat."

"How do you feel about Room Service? We could go out to dinner somewhere if you really prefer, but I'm seriously exhausted. It's been such a long day."

You thought about it for a moment. The two of you had never had a meal together, and you hoped it wouldn't be awkward.

Looking at you thinking, he said, "Or, of course, you can go out somewhere by yourself. I just figured since we're..."

"Oh, it's fine, Lothbrok. I'm actually pretty tired, too. Room Service sounds amazing."

"I liked it when you called me Ivar downstairs" he said, clearly before he'd realized it, because the look across his face told you everything.

Smiling, you only said, "Do you mind calling and placing the order? I'm going to take a shower."

"Oh, a shower sounds delightful. I'll probably do the same after I make the order. What do you want?"

Walking toward your room, rolling your suitcase behind you, you said, "Umm, I pretty much like everything except for stewed vegetables. And I like my meat well done."

Ivar smirked, "Noted."

Ugh, what was with him being so flirty now? "Ivar Lothbrok!" You gave him your best disapproving look.

"What?" he asked with feigning innocence. When he looked at you, he sat straight up. "Oh, I'm sorry. I really meant nothing by it. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Laughing as you entered your room, "You wish you had that affect on me."

"Well, in that case, say my first and last name again," he teased.

"You're pathetic, Lothbrok. Order our food!" and you disappeared into your room.

-----------------------‐-------------------------------

When you returned from your shower, you walked around the corner to find Ivar at the bar searching for something. You were taken back by what you saw. He was standing in a pair of grey sweats with no shirt. His thick, damp, brown hair was hanging loose, resting just below his broad shoulders, and he had intricate tattoos tracing down every inch of the muscles on his back. As he raised his arms to open the cabinet door above him, you also noticed the defined muscles of his arms. Your breath caught in your throat as you tried to speak.

He turned around with two glasses in his hands, "I've been looking for at least five minutes for damn glasses, and of course, they'd be in the last spot I...." he completely stopped speaking when his eyes landed on yours.

You realized you were blushing and quickly shifted your gaze to the floor. "I, umm. I didn't expect to be sharing a room, so umm, I. Well, I only have oversized t-shirts for sleeping," you coughed, looking away again, nervously. "I don't. I'm not sure..."

Sitting the glasses on the counter, he quickly walked toward his room, completely avoiding eye contact with you. "Oh, it's, umm. It's fine. I'm sure I have an extra pair of sweats you can borrow if you'd like. I need to go get my shirt anyway. I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be finished showering so soon."

He disappeared into the room, giving you a couple of minutes to collect your thoughts. You were kind of saddened at the thought of him covering his gorgeous back. You hadn't gotten a chance to fully see his chest, but you were sure if his back was any indication of how his chest must look, it had to be delightful. How you yearned to just touch it, trace the tattoos with your fingertips, feel his skin beneath your hands! Wait. What were you doing? He's your boss. You needed to snap out of it. And quickly. That was not professional. At all.

He came back through, t-shirt snug around his torso, and tossed you a pair of sweat pants.

"Thanks," you scurried off to put them on. Of course, they were huge on you. You anxiously pulled the drawstring as tight as it would go and even tried folding them around the waistline to make them stay up to no avail. You'd just have to make do.

Holding onto the waist of the sweats, you returned to the dining area where he was placing your food. "Just in time. They just delivered our meals."

"Thank God. I'm famished," you replied, sitting down.

"Humm, they're a little big on you, huh?" he grinned, placing your food in front of you. "I thought as much. We can go shopping tomorrow before the first part of the conference begins if you want. I want you to be comfortable while we're here."

"That's really not necessary. I can make do. It's only, what? Three nights, right?" He nodded. "I'll be fine."

"Suit yourself," he grabbed the glasses from the counter, "But those things are enormous on you. Wine ok to go along with dinner?"

"Definitely."

Once you looked at what he'd ordered you, you looked up at him, "Lothbrok, what is this? Like an 8 ounce steak? Geez, it's huge!"

"Umm, 10 actually." Your mouth dropped. "Well, I ordered the same for you as I did for myself. I wasn't going to get a huge steak for me and just a tiny one for you. That's not right. We're equals."

"Actually, we're not. You're my boss. It baffles me how you seem to forget that so often."

"Y/N, you obviously work just as hard as I do, and the only difference between us is the stupid title." Your face flushed red, and he didn't miss it. "No reason to feel embarrassed. It's true, and I've been thinking. It's not right that we do all the work together, but you don't get paid quite as much for your part of it. I plan on giving you a raise when we get back."

"But," you began before he cut you off.

"No buts, it's already been decided and in the works. And before you even ask, Father agrees with me."

You really hated how well he knew you. "Fine, but please remember I don't want to be a boss. I don't want to run the office with you."

He grinned, "Semantics."

"Ugh," you grumbled.

Over dinner, the two of you talked as if you'd known each other for your entire lives. It was strange how comfortable you felt with him. The conversation flowed easily, the wine, even more easy than that. It wasn't until you stood that you realized just how many glasses you'd had. "Sit. Let me help you with that," Ivar stood.

"Let me at least attempt to earn my keep," you said, grabbing your plates and placing them back on the room service cart. "Actually, I think I'll keep the half of my steak that I didn't eat. It'll be great warmed up when I get hungry again."

As you turned to walk to the kitchen for something to put your leftover steak on, Ivar's sweats that you were wearing slipped down your hips and fell to the floor. "Fuck!" you yelled as you tripped. Just as you thought you were going to hit the floor, Ivar was at you side, catching you.

"Drank too much, did we?"

"No!" you exclaimed, "I just tripped over your huge pants!"

"Looks like you forgot to hold them up," he laughed.

"Oh, shut up!" Holding onto his arms, you stepped out of the sweats and kicked them out of the way. "Looks like you're going to just have to deal with these long ass legs," you grinned, looking up at him.

"I don't mind," he swallowed audibly.

You stared into his eyes a little too long for the situation. His gaze dropped to your lips and then quickly back to your eyes again. You were suddenly all too aware of the feel of his hard, muscular arms, under your hands, holding you up. You resisted the urge to rub ypur hands along them. You stood for another moment too long before you reluctantly pulled away, "Oh, umm, the steak. I should get something before they come for the cart."

As you went to the kitchen, he stood there in the same spot for another minute, a bit dazed. Shaking his head as if to wake himself up, finally, he went back to the table and proceeded to clean everything else up.

After you got your steak, he took the cart just outside the door and left it in the hallway as he had been instructed.

He joined you on the sofa as you flipped through the channels. Leaning back and stretching, he just watched you. Feeling his eyes on you, you looked over at him, "What?"

"Oh, uh nothing," he lied. You raised your eyebrow at him. "Well, I was just thinking, the big t-shirt suits you way better than my big sweats. You're completely covered, and as long as you're comfortable, I see no reason you should torture yourself the rest of this weekend trying to hold up my pants just so you can walk," he laughed.

"It's not funny," you whined.

"Yes. Yes, it is," he bellowed out laughter, and you rolled your eyes. He did his best to contain it as he said, "Well, do you mind if I get comfortable, too, then?"

Your mouth was suddenly dry, "Umm, no. Not at all." To everything holy, you prayed he was going to take his shirt off. You were dying to see what his chest looked like after seeing his fantastic back. You felt your face getting hot so you turned your head back to the tv quickly, hoping he hadn't noticed.

"Have you seen this movie before? It's really good," you asked him, not turning to look at him.

"No. Let's watch it." And that's when you made the mistake of looking back at him just in time to see him take his shirt off. Dear Lord, what a sight!

Suddenly a bit nervous, he asked, "Is this ok with you? I can put it back on if you,"

"N-no. It's perfectly fine," you answered probably a bit too fast.

"Great, because it's just not comfortable to lay around in. That's the first thing I take off everyday when I get home, even before my shoes."

"Probably because it's like two sizes too small for you," you said before you realized the words had escaped your lips. "Fuck! I'm sorry. I-I'm. I mean, I'm not complaining. Shit. Umm. Nevermind."

He laughed at you and you shot him a bird. "Real mature, Y/N."

"Just watch the movie," you grumbled. "You know I've been drinking. I don't know what I'm saying."

"Sure," he giggled, and you rolled your eyes at him again. "You've got to stop that!"

You looked at him but didn't say anything, and he turned his attention to the movie. Before you knew it, you'd both fallen asleep, you laying your head on his chest and his arm around your waist.

As he went to stretch, he realized you were laying with him, well actually, on him. And then, he realized he liked it, the warmth of your body snuggled up to him, the light air he felt as you slowly breathed in and out, softly fanning across his chest, sending goosebumps down his spine, the feel of your hand stretched out over his stomach, and the feel of soft skin on his fingertips at the small of your back as he held you at your waist, it was all too nice, too sweet, too much.

How had the two of you ended up like this? Had you really had that much to drink? He glanced over to the coffee table and saw the nearly empty bottle of wine. Guess that was his answer. He really wasn't as big of a drinker as he used to be since he'd gotten the promotion, no time to spend doing such things when there was work to be done, and he saw, now, it had caught up to him.

He really didn't want to move; he preferred to lay like this the rest of the night with you, and he would, but his damn bladder had other plans. Once he thought more about it, he figured you'd be mortified as is, so he reluctantly decided to wake you up.

"Y/N, hey, I think it's time for bed," he said softly. He rubbed your back, and oh, how he loved it, in an attempt to gently wake you. "Hey, Y/N, c'mon. Time for bed." You only mumbled something unintelligible, so he decided he'd get up to go to the bathroom. Surely, that would wake you.

How he hated moving out from under your body! He instantly felt the emptiness and the chill of no longer having your warmth wrapped around him as he stood. He hated it. "Get a grip, man," he softly said to himself as he looked down at you, still on the sofa, seemingly unbothered by his absence. He was sure you'd wake up in a few minutes, so he went on to the bathroom.

He stood in the mirror, looking at himself. What was his problem? He'd had many female friends in his life. Why was this one becoming such a challenge? He splashed water on his face, and took a deep breath. He was sure you'd have plenty to say when he went back to you. "You got this," he said to himself, not believing a word of it.

As he entered the sitting room where he'd left you in, he didn't see you sitting on the sofa. Good, you took yourself to bed. He walked closer to grab the control and turn the tv off so he could go to bed as well, and then he saw you, still laying on the sofa, completely knocked out, only now, snuggled up to one of the pillows. It was the cutest thing ever, but now, what should he do?

He thought about just leaving you there to sleep the rest of the night, but there were no blankets, and he knew the bed would be much more comfortable. So he bent down and moved the hair out of your face, "Y/N. Hey, Y/N. You should really go to bed now.'

You didn't move or say a word. He thought for another moment, and finally decided he'd just carry you himself. It would be rude to leave you out there all night when there was such a nice, big bed waiting for you, and apparently, you'd had way too much to drink to wake up and make it on your own.

"So, fuck it. Let's do this," he mumbled to himself. He leaned down and effortlessly scooped you up into his arms. You instinctively settled your head onto his shoulder. He tried his best to ignore your breath on his neck as he began walking with you. When he entered your room, it smelled of you, sweet like strawberries, and he held his breath for as long as he possibly could.

He gently laid you on the bed and covered you with the blankets. The soft light from the bedside lamp danced across your beautiful face, highlighting your near smile. He sighed as he looked at you. Despite his better judgment, he leaned down and kissed you on your head, "Goodnight, Y/N."

As he pulled away, you softly said, "Stay."

His eyes widened, his breath caught in his throat, and he nearly choked. "What?" His heart pounded as he stared at you, waiting for any sign of a coherent thought. "Y/N?"

Nothing.

He turned the lights out and turned to leave your room. Maybe he was already dreaming. As he reached the door, he turned back to look at you one last time. "Stay, Ivar," you mumbled softly.

He nearly crumbled to the floor. "Y/N, I. Umm. I can't. I shouldn't. I mean, I'd love to. But," he struggled to get the words out. "We've had too much to drink. I-I'm, I can't." He couldn't see your face with only the hallway lighting. He wasn't sure if you were even awake. "Goodnight, Y/N," and he gently closed the door behind him.

He turned with his hand still on the doorknob. His other hand stretched out widely on the door, he leaned his forehead on it. "Oh hell," he practically panted.

He banged his head on his hand sevrral times. He wanted nothing more than to open that door back up, sprint across the room, crawl into the bed beside you, and lay down with you. He didn't even need anything to happen, just holding you in his arms for the rest of the night would suffice. And with that, he knew. He was fucked.

@istorkyou @vero-maris-zamo @lonewolf471 @lostasalice-thisway @galaxy-1000 @chapada010101010 @twistergirlie @covidinducedsocialreject @tessakate @velvetvowsandvikingdreams @noway4u

[petertingle-yipyip]

WORLD CLASS SINNER - FRANK CASTLE

epilogue : i know it won’t work

tags: n/a // one // finale // masterlist // season two //

Pairing: frank x livia

Word Count: 582

Summary: After a couple weeks, Livia decides to open Frank’s letter.

You were seated back on your rooftop. You had stayed out there the night prior, while the moon was at her peak. You had taken up the routine of talking to the moon in the late hours of the night, hoping Matt was on the other side and he was talking back despite knowing he wasn’t.

Dex had left for work after having stayed the night. You had physical therapy later that day, one of four sessions every week. You were also required to do traditional therapy to ensure there was no lingering trauma, but you were able to use Curtis’ support group for that requirement.

Karen tried calling ever since you were discharged but you hardly answered. Usually it was just a run in with her every few days when she felt the urge to come check for Matt’s suit. You grew more and more irritated with her intrusions since you knew he wasn’t coming back. Yet she still came, still pried that wound open again.

You felt suffocated, like all of your pain - both physical and emotional - were massive waves that crashed into you and knocked you down everytime you thought you could stand.

There was no relief, no healing. You were broken. You were tempted to even slide off your rooftop and let Matt’s God decide for you. But you didn’t. You didn’t because… Well you didn’t quite know why, but something about death didn’t seem so appealing anymore.

Instead, you opened Frank’s letter.

“hey princess.

when i left this with you i hoped you wouldn’t need to open it but here you are. if you are reading this then that means youve hit your limit. im sorry im not there with you right now but its for the best. thats what they said at least.

i want to tell you that you arent defined by any persons inability to choose you. dont abandon who you cause russo did. dont neglect or question yourself alright? cause i know damn well murdock never did. that guy saw you for you livia. he knew exactly who you were and he probably knew it before you did.

what i know is that not everyone has a heart like yours. most people don't know how to give the way you do. they just take yknow? carrying a heart big as yours gotta be exhausting. but you got this light and its really a gift but i know youre starting to feel like a curse.

as cheesy as this is gonna sound you gotta keep pushing. life for me and you isnt easy and youre too damn stubborn to let anything take you down. jesus y/n the stories i would hear about you in the costume had me convinced you werent human.

i want to leave you an address to write to but i dont even know where imma end up. its real shitty that i had to leave you like that but i wouldn’t have if i didnt think you had it in you to pull through.

murdock saw your light. i saw it. karen and nelson see it. pretty sure russo saw it too before everything. and no one can take from you unless you let them. i know youre going through hell right now but keep going. how are you gonna see it get better if you quit now?

i love you livia. stay alive till i made a trip back alright?

ps: forgive yourself for everything.

-f “

[kaiserkisser]

youre gonna hear it anyways actually i override your choice☺️🙏

ok first. let me set the scene. finals are all next week. this is my last week to do any schoolwork. ive been busting ass like its NOBODYS business to get my 25 page thesis in on time with reliable information and atleast some quality of writing. i have been fending off full body sciaticas and flare ups since last monday. my health is reaching near rock bottom like it always does in december.

now picture this. youre me, sitting in my bed at 8pm yesterday. i just finished farming for wriothesley when i get a text message from my thesis partner that she didnt complete anything and is backing out of her end of the project because the topic is too difficult (its on architectural and historical relevance like. think renaissance shit its very hard to explain but i get it and thats all that matters). i stare at my phone in disbelief. she had half the workload. that leaves exactly 40 hours to get this entire show on the road ALL BY MYSELF. i begin to tweak out

so i have two options at this point

one - i am running on 3 hours of sleep. i can feel my muscles start to seize whenever i stand up. its getting close to the end for me. i do nothing about this and turn the thesis in as is and face embarrassment infront of 75 of my peers

two - i am running on 3 hours of sleep however i conveniently just purchased a case of celsius all for myself yesterday and i have no shame in cracking two open this fine evening. i finish the research in one day and assemble the next, leaving around 10 hours of free time if done correctly

three - cry

i chose option two. duh. so 7am approaches the next day (this morning) and i realize i feel asleep at my desk. MAJOR mood killer as my laptop also died and and i need to charge it before manically speeding off to class before getting my ass whooped by the truant department because ive been tardy EVERY DAY THIS WEEK for reasons unbeknownst to me. i freak out

i get up from my desk. my entire right leg crumples. i feel my hip dislocate. i panic. i shove myself against the wall and hammer a gnarly bruise into my opposite side to knock it back into place. at this point im on the verge of tears and im like shit how am i supposed to drive i need my cane and my leg is so unsupported. i panic AGAIN tripping over myself to grab onto my cane and my desk at the same time and hobble off into my kitchen to discover that its not actually 7am, its 8am. the very conveniently placed analog clock on my desk has never adjusted to daylight savings and is therefore an hour behind. im so unbelievably cooked

at this point its between me going sent straight to the deans for truancy or staying home and giving myself work time. i choose work time

i plop right back down into my little chair and dont leave until it is quite literally dinnertime. its 8pm. i am just now realizing i have spent 12 hours straight at my desk. this is going to be the end of me

i stand up AGAIN this time with the help of my cane and realize my phone was in do not disturb for everyone but dear cherry so i didnt see the bajillion missed calls from my friend saying shes bringing goodies for me. great. i dont even know where she is

she shows up at my door and i look like a hot MESS let me tell you. havent slept in nearly two days. my hair is in disarray because i couldnt be bothered to take it out of the clip from the night before so its half falling out. im wearing a tshirt that says “wait im goated” with a cat on it. truly my most presentable

i open the door for my dear friend and i get showered with insults on how i am literally viktor arcane because of my walking cane. i shrivel up, take the goodies, go back inside and FUCKING TRIP AGAINNNNNNN this time on my GODDAMN CAT so now i feel bad because its like great. i didnt mean to hurt my baby. but i am now immobile on the floor.

i start losing my mind because all work-mode noah could think about was food now. i go to the kitchen. my brother is in there with my dad and they are making grilled cheese sandwiches. i tell them about the day ive had and how if i manage my time wisely i can actually sleep a full 8 hours tomorrow. the world starts to rejoice

my dad gives me a grilled cheese. one thing turns to another and i end up eating a whopping FIVE grilled cheese sandwiches. im ravenous. i start telling my brother about the thesis issue and how my partner backed out two days before the whole thing was due. this thing has been my pride and joy since september. my brother looks me dead in the eyes and goes

“didn’t think i’d be living with kaveh in the flesh, but here we are”

i lose my mind. i realize hes right. the hyperfocus. sleeping at my desk. my goddamn outfit. its all adding up

i somehow managed to embody kaveh for the past 36 hours and i didnt realize until i was way too delirious and sleep deprived to even care if i ate. to say i was shocked was an understatement

so now i sit in my bed contemplating if the thesis is even worth it. (im about to go work on it until tomorrow night. please save me. i didnt think thered be this much work)

anyway. thats my week in a nutshell. i hope this brought you a chortle or two🙁✋

LMAO i approve keep rambling i love it 😹👍

why did that remind me of that one line - let me just, set the scene- from disaster by conan gray lmaooo

oooffff that sucks bro same 😭😭 except my exams r going on rn and oh god 😭 DUDE????? FYM 25 PAGE THESIS. IS THIS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME IN A YEAR WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. BRO RN IN SCHOOL WE WRITE 400 WORD ESSAY AND SOMEHOW PEOPLE STRUGGLE WITH THAT WHAT R THEY GONNA DO IN UR PLACE LMAO and bro oh my gosh please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD take care of yourself!!!?!?!?! urghhhh i hope u get better soon bc wtf 😭😭

ngl if my thesis partner did that i would show up at her house to kill her /j

12 hours straight at your desk. my dude. are you serious. are your fr. i can literally see why you kin kaveh. go and REST!!!!!! OR ELSE YOULL LITERALLY COLLAPSE AGAIN

indeed that is so absolutely presentable!!!!! NO NOT THE CATTTTT NOOOOOO give the cat hugs from me :((((

IM REJOICING TOO IMMA CHECM UP ON YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU SLEEP 8 HOURS THAT IS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL ‼️‼️‼️‼️i literally agree with your brother sm whatt atp i literally think of you and sometimes go kaveh and go wait no your name is noah not kaveh /silly

is it worth your health ⁉️ and my dude thats one FREAKING HELL of a week- TAKE BREAKS TODAY AND TOMORROW. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO WORK, TAKE SOME BREAKS. BETWEEN WORK. DO. NOT. WORK CONTINUOUSLY FOR HOURS AGAIN. ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU. ill be watching you. /j 🫤 you darn better take care of yourself. ☹️☹️

[justatalkingface]

I saw your answer for the ua sending kids to danger, especially war, and I raise you a different possibility (100% speculation on my part) "can we say for sure the others schools were asked the same thing but said no?"

Yes. We dont know anything about the others schools. Maybe they offer and Hori never show as we saw them entering in the war part 2: the eletrical bangaloo....but to be fair, it would be hard for them to sit in class and doing homework as war is literally in their grounds, streets and so forth.

But on part 1. We dont see the others students there. So again, my especulation, what if they had put feets down and said no?

But Nezu said yes? I can think of a few reasons for that. (Keep in mind I dont think Nezu is a smart as Hori and the fandom wants us to think)

1) could have been a power play of sort. "Only mys students can handle this" which well...could work as Nezu is not human and doesnt seem to care about the students on a whole (remmeber Mina and Kami vs Nezu? How fair was that?)

2) he genuinely thought his students would be an asset to the heroes and said ok. Which makes me believe even more he doesnt care for his students's safety.

3) he was forced. Ok, what could have made him agree to this? Blackmail comes to mind but what secret is si damn important you are willing to send kids to war?

Those are my top 3 reasons. And not sure if is canon this but I think the class A1 didnt know they were sent to a war...if this is true, then is anothet adult(non human) who failed Izu.

Like MHA is an accidental dystopia.

The thing is with Nezu is the age old standard of Int/Wis; Nezu is book smart, he has a lot of knowledge, facts, and ability to apply those facts to make a thing happen. That's Intelligence, the ability to use your mind, and he's probably only has even faintest hint of competition in his sheer Int score with Dr. Diabolus Ex Machina.

Wisdom, on the other hand, is when you go, 'But should I do this'?

At a memetically extreme example, a High Int, Low Wis character could find a door somewhere, decide to open it, and make a siege engine out of, I don't know, hamburgers and coat hangers to bust it open. This is certainly a thing they could do, and it'd work because they are, in fact, that spot.

Meanwhile, the character with higher (any) Wisdom would walk up to the door... and then try to open it like a normal person.

Intelligence is ability to use your mind, and Wisdom is what tells you how you should use your mind, and when you look at Nezu, you only really see Intelligence, and then no one in story ever seems to question his decisions, really, because he's really smart, but there's a real question if he uses his intelligence well? Because there are a lot of 'I can do this, but no one, including me, ever asked if I should do this' kinds of choices in UA, and if we're not just blaming it on bad writing, all of that comes down to Nezu, in the end. The literal cities they just... have? The robots that probably have killed people? The Sports Festival? All of those are thing with very questionable elements that UA does anyways, seemingly because they can and no one's ever stopped them from doing it.

That's looking at the question from the angle of 'Nezu, while well meaning, made a bad call'. There is, however, one other major option, and it starts with this: why does Nezu run a school? On a fundamental level, I'm not sure Nezu's goal in running UA is for the students, so much as he views the students as a step towards his goal.

Unironically, he's a sadist who enjoys low-key torturing human beings because of past trauma, which... before anything else, begs a question: is it just low-key torture he likes? Or is he just practical enough to realize than anything more would be more trouble than it's worth?

But, beyond that problem, let's look at his position: he's the head of UA, the biggest, bestest school for Heroes, which is a job that comes with a lot of publicity/power, which, inevitably, rolls back to him. His job allows him massive amounts of control over the development of the cutting edge of heroism, who by dint of their fame and success influence other heroes, all of which collectively influences Japanese society as a whole by a pretty significant degree.

Meanwhile, Nezu is: brilliant, deeply traumatized, likes torturing, and through that defacto controlling, humans. He's also not a human, and takes pains at times to point out that others are humans and he's not, while also having assumably inhuman instincts and priorities; almost certainly he has some level of anti-human bias.

There's... there's an obvious correlation here. Fundamentally, Nezu is a character who seems to be made to be complicated, imperfect, with dark depths to him. The way he's written, Hori clearly doesn't want him to be, but, well, he writes a lot of deeply flawed characters we're supposed to find no wrong with.

If you look at Nezu that way, where he views students more as an asset, or an investment, than as, well, students, or as people, then your point takes on a different light. Looking at it with cold logic, the students can contribute to the various conflicts; even if they die, for the greater good of society (which he lives in and benifits from), heroism as a career (which he is in a position to benefit from greatly, as well as influenced greatly), and quite frankly as a living being on Japan/Earth, that cost is more than worth the price if they help support the status quo; its not like there's not going to be more next year, right?

And that's the thing that really interests me; what the hell was Hori thinking when he made Nezu? With Bakugou and Endeavour, for example, you can see where they started off one way, and went another? Nezu though? His entire point as a character seems to be firmly as the 'nice but somewhat manipulative' principal, but it's a waste of his fundamental characteristics. Did he have a different role in the prototype? Because if I was writing Nezu as a character, here's what I'd write him as:

An enemy. Not evil, not a villain, but a obstacle for Izuku to surpass in UA; it's not that he's bigoted, like Aizawa is (or at least to the same extent), he just well and truly doesn't care about people and what they do as long as his bottom line is met. And Izuku isn't there to be a new hero, like Bakugou, about fame and wealth, he doesn't fit. Worse yet, if we're working off of the original, 'Quirkless Hero' framework? Fundamentally, he is a threat to the concept of heroes that is established, that makes people want to think outside the box, and the thing is? Nezu likes the box. He's one of the people who designed it; he'd like everyone to stay in the box, please and thank you.

There's this epic story we're never going to get of Izuku being a little revolutionary, fighting against the heroic establishment to change heroism for the better and for the rights of the Quirkless, and his first major enemies are: Bakugou, the bully, Aizawa, the biased teacher who enables Bakugou and attacks Izuku, and Nezu, who enables all of them, and barely gives a shit about Izuku at all but would absolutely murder him in a heartbeat if he thought he could get away with it, but is resigned to fact he can't just kill people because they mildly irk him.

To your last point, though, fundamentally MHA is exactly a dystopia, by design; it's dystopian nature is one of the main causes for almost all conflicts in the story, from the villains, to the heroes, to Izuku's core personality traits, but for some reason Hori got really scared to admit that so he covered all the bars and locks with confetti... only after he got all the ways he purposefully made it a dystopia looking all harmless and fun, he missed all the ways he accidently made it a dystopia. To this day, I'm still not sure if he designed the heroic pay system, what little of it we know, to be purposefully that fucked up, or he just did some basic work to support what happens in the story and missed how deeply disturbing those implications were.

[airimomoid]

to whoever sees this post. do you have a favourite april fools class? because i do and it is one HUNDRED percent solid heart. i love every character in here so much it is so perfect to me that they were all put together

shiho is not my favourite in leo/need (its actually honami) but i honestly really identify with her and it's so great to watch her develop and see the way she deeply cares for her friends (and her sister please stop saying she hates/dislikes shizuku i cant take it) despite her tough exterior

airi is my absolute favourite character for so many reasons. first of all- she is so cute! i love her design and her cards are all great. but even more so i adore her character as a whole. you can see that she really loves not only her fans - from the way she interacts with them on livestreams, and there's also her interactions with saki if you need another example -, but also her unitmates - the way she shares her experience with minori to help her improve, admires haruka and supports her, reminding her to take breaks, and dont even get me *started* on shizuku because there is so much to say about them that i would end up talking about them forever - and also her close friends, such as ena (she's also in solid heart by the way! love her!)

akito is so SO passionate about music and honestly i'm with him there. he likes people who are also passionate about their interests - i am also with him there! i just overall really enjoy how committed and hard working he is when it comes to music, the way he interacts with and cares for the rest of vbs, and also i think his dynamic with ena is great

nene is literally just like me for real for real. i love to reread the wxs stories in order to see how she gradually opens up to her unitmates and becomes more confident - around her peers, but also whilst performing on stage. the rest of wxs love and care about her and she, too, loves and cares about them! she dreams big, and continues to pursue her dreams even though she knows that one day she'll have to leave wxs because of them. because of this she also cherishes all the time she spends with them !! also in canary sings in a quagmire she has the courage and strength to ask for help from her idol herself and it's just so brilliant to see how far she's come from the beginning of the story when she could barely talk to the rest of wxs and had to hide behind nenerobo AND SHE'S ALSO JUST SO CUTE IN GENERAL AND I LOVE HER OK

i feel like ena and her character arc often don't get a lot of attention in this fandom compared to the rest of niigo but i honestly love how far she's come and how she's improving at art and gradually gaining more and more confidence in her creations - to the point where she also teaches others how to draw (rainbow canvas event story) . just her deciding to rejoin her old art class was such an impactful moment for me and i'm super interested to see how she'll develop from this point onward. furthermore! the way she supports the rest of niigo! i love it! when she took mafuyu to her house in someday this wish will transcend the morning sky! the ending of my footsteps your destination! it's just so beautiful and she is such a great character and i could talk about her and niigo in general for hours but for the sake of this post not being longer than an essay i will not

and KAITO ! i do not really have anything to say about him compared to the others but some time last year i made a list of my favourite commissioned songs from each unit and they all featured kaito (except niigo because niigo kaito didnt exist at the time) so theres that

to the like two or three people who will see this thank you so much for listening to my ramblings

also i feel kinda bad for not writing that much about shiho i completely underestimated the length of the rants i would go on about tye others 😭 read that day the sky was far away its great

[shadows-coffeebeans]

Woo, new ask game time, am excite!

1, 3, 5, 8, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 19, 20, 22, 24, 25, 26, 28, 30, 32, 33, 38, 39!

I am so sorry this took forever to answer! I had it all typed out and tumblr refreshed before I could add tags 😭

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

I would say definitely cartoons, my art and friends (mutuals are included >:3)

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Luca (2021) (I watched this movie over 100 times in the first year, lost count at 30 times and it wasnt even the end of the month it released (it released on the 18th)), Barbie in Rock n' Royals and Lilo & Stitch 💥💥💥

5. what made you start your blog?

I made my original blog to read miraculous fanfiction (never posted on it til like june of 2021, even then i didnt post on it much). I abandoned that blog and made this one cause the embarrassment of it was too much.

8. any reacquiring dreams?

Every December I get a dream where a badly animated Santa's sleigh passes by. There's always people treating it like a ufo, using for clickbait and stuff. I always thought it was like a projection in the sky or something and I always wake up confused.

11. what do you consider to be romance?

Idfk man

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

If someone isn't harming themselves or others, let them be. (if that counts for anything)

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

Be silly, to express myself‼️💥💥

16. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Stop thinking about what others think of me and also stop failing my classes

17. name 3 things that make you happy

Friends (this includes mutuals as well <3), talking about tffs (and sonic) and drawing :]

19. favourite thing about the day?

I am awake to talk with friends (just assume when I say friends, I'm including my moots)

20. favourite things about the night?

The moon and stars <3

22. say 3 things about someone you love

I love talking about sonic with/to them, when they talk about their interests, when they go on random tangents (<- went more vague because I love too many people to choose)

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

My art improvement: ]

25. fave season and why?

Autumn, I know it's basic, but I just really like it :]

26. fave colour and why?

I cannot escape the purple

28. do you collect anything?

Hm, do the tags of random things I buy count?

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

When someone leaves a comment in the reblogs on my art

32. how many tabs do you have open right now?

248 if you mean on chrome, 3 if you mean apps open (yt music, discord (on call) and notes app (where im writing this))

33. any hobbies?

Drawing, watching cartoons and reading fanfiction

38. fave song at the moment?

The disco cover for I Am All Of Me

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

Defunctland, I love having him on in the background when I do stuff

[differentcoloredcontacts]

Hello!

Class 1b with a spouse/friend who’s a really good singer! If you’re not busy

I actually didnt know what to write for some of the class for this one lol

Not proofread we die like men

Awase -

He loves when you just hum or quietly sing under your breath while he does something else nearby. Sometimes he joins it and it ends up with you two screaming the song lyrics.

Sen -

After you hum or sing a song to yourself he will silently cuss you out for getting it stuck in his head.

Kamakiri -

He doesn't give a flying fuck. He doesn't mind when you hum quietly when your in the same room but he doesn't point it out or does anything about it.

Kuroiro -

He would text you at exactly midnight (cuz he thinks its cooler and more edgy that way) and simply ask for a voice recording of you singing his new favorite emo song

Kendo -

Talked about doing a concert with your singing for the school festival but she ended up deciding against it after hearing class a was doing one. She still had you and a few others put on a smaller concert for just class b

Kodai -

She enjoys your singing from a distance. She doesn't really express any specific feelings towards your singing but she does gravitate towards whatever room you happen to be humming in.

Komori -

Shes your number one hype man. After every performance she bombards you with compliments <3

Shiozaki -

She often refers to your voice as angelic or being one of gods gifts. She also briefly mentions that she would love for you to sing her one or two songs. (Christian songs ofc)

Shishida -

He can probably play some fancy ass instrument (like violin or smthn) so you two put together a little mini concert for all of class 1-b <3

Shoda -

He likes listening to you sing/hum while he does other things. Sometimes he'll bring whatever hes doing closer to you so he can hear you better

Pony -

Asks if you can sing different anime openings every 10 minutes. It gets to the point where she starts asking foe the openings for animes you never even heard of

Tsubaraba -

Every single song is now a duet. You, actually singing and being great at it and kosei that sounds like a dieing cow

Tetsutetsu -

He is 100% convinced he can also sing, every time he sees you hes just like "yo check out this new song I learned!" And he just starts screaming.

Tokage -

You two have fucking rap battles lmao. She always wins because even though you can overall sing and rhyme better she can hit where it hurts lmao

Manga -

"You know that anime about the idol that gets fucking murdered episode one..." "yea?" "I drew you in her fit from the scene she got stabbed." "Thx manga....." tis pretty much it lmao

Honenuki -

After you sing or something he will walk up to you with a glass of water and makes sure your voice is feeling fine.

Bondo -

Hes always happy to hear you sing. Hes asked before if you ever thought of making your own music and he highly encourages it!

Monoma -

"Class 1-A should quake at the sound of your singing! They wish they had someone with half the angelic voice!" "What about Jiro?" "Her? She sounds like kosei when he sings..."

Reiko -

The only real reaction you get from her is a cool or nice but thats about it. She doesn't mind it but she doesn't go out of her way to mention it either.

Rin -

His favorite pass time is you messing with his hair while you hum gently to yourself. The mixture of your angelic voice and your hands going through his hair putting it in whatever style you please just makes his day <3

I dont know how to end these things anymore if feels weird to just have it cut off lmao <3

[stinkrascal]

A couple things I was wondering is how did you figure out you had BPD? I know there's a couple disorders that can often get diagnosed beforehand, so I guess how did you know there was more going on? Secondly, what kind of therapy do you feel was the most helpful, if any? I have issues keeping a therapist because they tuxedo mask away after realizing I already have CBT down (which only kind of helps me). Thank you for being open about BPD! I feel like there's so much unnecessary stigma.

hiiiiii!! sorry i didnt reply yesterday i spent all day writing my silly sims stories 😴 i will talk about my experience under the cut!! ty for being curious about it!! <3

umm tbh i was diagnosed in a really weird way lol. so, like, where i went to high school was a really conservative and religious town, and when i was a freshman in high school i was one of the only trans/lgbt kids that was vocally out at my school. there were more of them, my friend group was basically all lgbt ppl, but i was the only person in my school who would demand staff to call me a different name/use different pronouns. but anyways so my lgbt friend group was being bullied pretty badly so our school hired this counselor training in lgbt issues that would talk to us individually about our experiences as lgbt kids who were bullied and such. it was actually really cool you know! but anyways i was one of the students who had to participate in this and the lady who was talking to me realized that i was, like, a really troubled kid lol. and on top of that i was failing all my classes and i had been struggling in school my entire life (like consistently making report cards with at least 5/7 of the classes being failed type of shit) sooooo they basically had this like idk meeting with my parents? where they were super adamant that they take me to a doctor and put me into therapy bc i was struggling really badly and yeah. after that my parents put me into therapy and got in touch w a doctor and i got some treatment and eventually a bpd diagnosis. but yea it only happened cuz of my school forcing them to take me ha.

the truth is i didn't really suspect anything was wrong with me because the way i grew up, i thought everyone acted like me 🤷‍♂️ i think the only time i started really thinking i might have bpd was when i got my first boyfriend at 16, that's when my codependency and attachment issues really started to manifest, and those have always consistently been the bpd symptoms i struggle the most with. but even back then i didn't really know what bpd was, so it wasn't like i was specifically thinking i was suffering w bpd. more so that i knew something was Off about me but i couldn't really explain what it was

unfortunately i haven't gone to therapy in a long time :( and the last time i went it wasn't for bpd treatment at all. so i really can't say what could help you there in terms of therapy. i did group therapy during my bpd treatment but it didn't really help me much.

you're probably not gonna like this answer lmao but i use weed to medicate my intense mood swings and that helps a lot. also just being able to recognize when i need to cool off and being able to use my words to tell ppl that i need to be alone for a minute to clear my head, that helps too. basically just being mindful of ur changing emotions and giving yourself room to feel those emotions and allow them to pass u, without feeling guilt for this, and without projecting those emotions onto other ppl bc at the end of the day it isn't really anyone else's fault that u feel the way you do.

also just try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt in general, ik my bpd makes me SO sensitive like for example. ik we make jokes about this but you guys im not kidding, my favorite mutual reblogging a post from someone else instead of me hurts my feelings so bad some days i have to just log off and go cry about it. CRY ABOUT IT YOU GUYS! it's really awful and totally not grounded in reality 😭 but like it's there, it's something i experience and deal with, and it isn't anyone's fault that it happens, it's just the cards i was dealt with.

so instead of projecting that feeling onto my beloved mutuals and being like Ohhhhh so you actually hate me! You actually want me to kill myself! You've actually never cared about me ever, person I've had two conversations with in total! yeah instead of working myself up for something so silly... i just try to put myself in other ppls shoes, try to remember that when i do things it is not with malicious intent and most people are also not doing things with malicious intent. bc for me, my bpd tends to dehumanize ppl... they arent people with nuance and depth and complex and at times contradictory lives, theyre my Favorite Person, person who does no wrong, person who could never do any wrong no matter how hard they try, and that's dehumanizing, that's unfair to the person!! so by humanizing the other person, by remembering we are all people with rich inner lives and struggles and most of us just want to do our best even when we slip and fall... it helps calm me down from those spirals where im like, ohhhhh god everyone hates me because they didn't reblog a text post from meeeee!!! lol

[chiiyuuvv]

Hiya, can I request Riize and how they act when they like y/n? Ty 🩶

• PAIRING — student!riize x gn reader

• GENRE — crushes, shyness, fluff, and more fluff ♡

• WORD COUNT — 634

• AUTHOR'S NOTE — the way i giggled when i read this. I was already planning a sohee and anton fic where they like the reader (anton inspired by my hc i wrote for xikers, hunters part (when xikers like you)) but after writing this hc, i could literally write any one of the members.. so please request if you want to see a fic based off of this!!

• TAGLIST — @moonlightdarlings

MASTERLIST! – JOIN THE TAGLIST!

SHOTARO ☆

If shotaro wasnt smiley then, he sure is now

Love at first sight, his heart beating a million beats per hour, this stupid grin on his face

And since hes extroverted, his is sure to let you know that hes here, wanting to gain your attention

Secretly loves it when someone mistakes you two as a couple because how flirty and touchy he is, but denies it in case it makes you uncomfortable

Hes just so smiley and giggly at whatever you say or do, he tried to hide it at first but theres really no use; hes sure that his like for you is obvious ♡

EUNSEOK ☆

Hes so gentlemen

Opening doors for you, giving you a new pen when you run out of ink, helping you with your homework

And has this cheeky smile whenever you thank or compliment him

Would shoo away the members when hes around you, because he knows they will start teasing him

Tucks some hair behind your ear subconsciously, his breath hitching when he realizes how close you are to him, his eyes going down to your lips ♡

SUNGCHAN ☆

Honestly think hes into the quiet type. Reserved and out of the way, he would find it so intriguing and cute

Wants to get your attention so back, literally changing himself so he could match your interest

And just feels so insecure because what if you think hes doing too much? What if hes too loud?

But all of his thoughts were shut down when he catches you stare at him

"Meet me at the rooftop." You would place the note on his desk as you walk by, your ears red ♡

WONBIN ☆

Despite his cool and handsome persona, he is such a scaredy cat

Has the hugest crush on you but hes too scared to say anything so his members had to push him to you

"G-go get icecream with m-me?" "GREAT, BYE!!" he didnt even give you the chance to speak as he runs away, his members having to fill in for him. Giving you the time, place.. etc.

Arrives 30 minutes early because hes so nervous and fidgety so he tries to calm himself down and practices what he would say to you

But the preparation were pointless when you walk in the little shop, his face getting so red as he thinks you look so pretty. Even if what you're wearing isnt much ♡

SEUNGHAN ☆

Feel like hes not one to hide his feelings

Just "oh, shes pretty cute. I'll ask her on a date."

And he does that with so much confidence, not an ounce of fear in any of his words

And everything was going to according to plan, he'd arrive a few minutes early to make sure everythings okay

But as soon as you sit down, hes a blushing, stuttering mess. His face completely red as he avoids your eye contact. Damn it. - seunghan ♡

SOHEE ☆

The type to daydream about your future together with this goofy smile on his face

Purposely sitting a seat or two behind you, just so he could stare at you

But quickly bats an eye when you make eye contact with him, as hes suddenly invested in his work (he hasnt even written his name yet)

Always holds his breath whenever your near, his palm sweaty

And stutters like crazy when your assigned to work on a project together ♡

ANTON ☆

Shy, shy, shy, shy, shy

Barely says a word whenever your near, also the type to stare at you during class and daydream about each others future

You were a friend of one of his friends, so he was kinda forced to talk to you

And cringes at himself when he says something stupid, but you always find it so cute

Randomly blurts out how pretty you are ♡