#because otherwise the complexity of the characters is explored so beautifully and completely that there's not much to...expand on?

[staurolith]

People chewing on Verso is completely expected and I love to see it, but what I am so happy about is just as many if not more people also as insane about Clea. Truly the woman of all time to be picked apart and treated in the same "fandom deranged" way (I'm being reductive but affectionate) that is more common for male characters. What's HILARIOUS about this effect is that Renoir, fucked up evil* wizard middle aged dad with insane drip, is comparatively ignored. Like, this is the old man fucker supreme website. He's been served to us on a silver platter, but no, his kids are who everyone's going insane over.

[readingaftermidnight007]

(Long Overdue) Reading Update!!

Ahhhh I've been meaning to post for a while but I'm just super lazy soooo....

Last time I updated this, I had just finished reading DJATS I think? Hold on I'm going to check. *pause for me checking*

Ok yeah, the last time I updated this was when I finished Daisy Jones (which i never actually talked about how I felt about and who knows, maybe I'll finally make a post about it)

Anywaysssss.....here's my reading update. We may or may not be eight books behind. Whoops. (Seven if we don't count DJATS and for these purposes I'm not going to talk about it right now)

also dont worry abt spoilers for anything. it's completely spoiler free :)

~~~~~

First up, we have....

A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry

(completed February 23) (i know im sorry 😭)

(3/5 ⭐️)

I read this for a class, and overall I really enjoyed it. I was in a weird place mentally though, so I don't think I fully processed a lot of it otherwise this would have a much higher rating. Its a very enjoyable play though, and it's a beautiful story and beautifully written. Definitely would recommend if you enjoy plays that are grounded in realism and focus a lot around familial themes.

The Crucible by Arthur Miller

(completed March 8) (again im sorry ive been super fucking busy)

(4/5⭐️)

Honestly, I loved reading this play. I also read it for the same class, but I found this one more enjoyable, which is probably because one of my first childhood hyperfixations was on, oddly enough, the Salem Witch Trials. Which if you didn't know, that's what The Crucible is about. Anyways. It's very good, and I would definitely recommend reading it. Its a long play, but it's worth it. It explores a lot of themes of grief and paranoia and sins and it's just so fascinating and there's so much to explore within it.

Homeward Bound by Elaine Tyler May

(completed March 17) (i swear i have good reasons for not updating but im not gonna get into that unless you wanna go check up my vent blog @queenofshadows077)

(3/5⭐️)

i read this for my history class, and i have to say, i enjoyed it a lot more than i was expecting. sure, there didn't need to be a 20 page chapter about premarital sex statistics in the 1950s(seriously, why 20 pages???), but i found it very interesting otherwise. the book basically delves into the post-WWII suburbanization of American families and gender roles and societal roles, etc and I would recommend if youre looking for a nonfiction book about that particular time period.

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennet

(completed March 22)

(5/5⭐️)

I genuinely LOVED this book. Like, seriously. Read it. IT'S WORTH THE HYPE I PROMISE. I could not put it down the entire time I was reading it. I was having way too much fun with it and i was so sad when it was over. Like, so upset. I loved the story of the twins and their lives. It's truly a beautiful, compelling novel and I want everyone to read it. It is 100% ending up on my favorites list of 2023. Please read it. Please. I beg of you. I dont wanna get too much into the plot or anything spoilery so if you wanna know more, read the overview on goodreads please! (and then read the book. do it. do. it.)

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid

(completed march 31)

(4/5⭐️)

Ok so this is the third TJR book I've read, and I absolutely loved it!!! I read this over the course of a week on a trip I went on, and it was the perfect book to read for it. I love the way she organizes her books and the way she writes her characters. Compared to Evelyn Hugo and DJATS it's definitely not my favorite, but it was still excellent.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

(completed April 6)

(5/5⭐️)

This has always been one of my favorite books. This is my third time reading it, and I was inspired to reread since I had just finished Malibu Rising and had recently read DJATS. I love this book. I love Evelyn and her story and I love how TJR writes very complex characters. Always brings me to tears, it's soooo good. it's an incredible novel featuring an incredible story of a queer woman and her journeys through success, love, fame, and so much more. if you havent read it, you need to. Like, it is literally a requirement. :)

And finally....

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

(completed April 11)

(5/5⭐️)

This was a beautiful story. Beautifully writen, characters that bare their soul and that you cant help but love, and super addicting. I literally could not put it down. the pacing was wonderful, the storytelling was so vivid and touching and i will remember this one for a long time. it's the story of two boys, Ari and Dante, as they grow up and start their journey into adulthood while also battling their own personal wars. Ari is a really interesting narrator to be in the head of and I honestly think that this author is so insanely good. So yeah. I liked it A LOT.

~~~~

That's all of them!!

see you next time!!

~Scarlett

[aspoonofsugar]

@swapauanon 

This was a great analysis, but…

Minor correction: Penny’s “sacrifice” had less to do with her injuries being too grievous to heal (we’ve even seen Jaune heal worse), and more to do with Penny viewing herself aan expendable tool that ceased to be useful, while also believing that Mantle was only in danger because she “stole” the Maiden powers.

That “sacrifice” was rooted in self loathing, not faith. She tells Winter outright that she’s only giving her the Maiden powers because that was Ironwood’s plan.

She threw her life away because she believed that Ironwood, Cinder, and the Ace Ops were right about her being a horrible and selfish THING who ruined everything by “stealing” the Maiden powers.

That said, I agree with the rest of this post whole heartedly.

Hi!

Thank you for your nice words. That said, I am sorry, but I completely disagree with your take.

When it comes to Penny’s wounds, there is this:

Penny’s vision becoming blurried, the bags under the eyes and so on are all hints that her situation is severe. We are meant to see those symptoms and to think she is dying. RWBY is not reality and it is not medical school material... it is a story and in a story these narrative choices are meant to convey a specific message >>> things are bad.

Sure, Jaune could have healed her eventually, but this is never the point:

Jaune: Penny! Hold on! My Semblance--

Penny: No… there’s not enough time to heal me…

The point is that there is not enough time, which means that Cinder would have killed Weiss, then Jaune, then Penny and she would have taken the power. There is no reason to think otherwise. If Penny were wrong, Jaune would have simply cured her. Why giving in to Penny’s cruel request if an obvious option was there?

As far as Penny’s choice being about trust... she and Winter say so directly:

Penny: Let me choose… this one thing… trust me…!

Winter: Thank you… for trusting me with this.

Penny is trusted and trusts. She is not trusted to die... she is trusted to know what to do to protect the Maiden power, hence fulfilling her role as the Winter Maiden.

Finally, Penny does not choose Winter because she thinks Ironwood is right. Actually, we see her fighting Ironwood with all her soul while under the virus influence:

Penny: Kill me. And I can make sure the power goes to you.

In the end, she chooses Winter simply because:

Penny: You were my friend.

Winter is Penny’s friend and she loves Winter, so she chooses her. In short, both Ironwood and Penny choose Winter, but for opposite reasons:

Ironwood: So… the destiny I chose for you has arrived.

Winter: You chose nothing. This...was a gift.

Ironwood wants to control her (the destiny I choose), while Penny has faith in her (this was a gift).

Hence, we are back to the difference between trust and control.

In general, when it comes to Penny’s story, the song Friend is an excellent synthesis:

But I found that humanity It came with sacrifice, A pact To shield you from the Wicked even if I can't Live for real It was worth it to know you My wish came true The day that you appeared And called me a friend An answered prayer A chance to Share the world To be a girl Who fin'lly felt alive

The point of Penny’s death is that she dies specifically because she is human. This is her tragedy.

She dies because of her human feelings that make her come back to save her friends:

Weiss: Penny! No!

And she dies because of her human body that is frail:

She dies because her arc explores humanity and death is a part of humanity and of life. Still, it is worth to live as a human because being human is about feeling things and having friends, which are things negated to a machine.

This all ties perfectly with Penny’s Pinocchio allusion.

Pinocchio is a puppet and not a real boy because he is a “bad child”, so he needs to grow and to mature to become a real boy. He is a character with a flaw, he struggles with said flaw and gets a reward when he overcomes it.

Penny instead is a “real girl” since the beginning. The problem aka “the flaw” does not lie in her, but in the way others treat her. It is in her society, it is in Ironwood and it is in Cinder.

In general, I think there is the tendency to read Penny’s self issues as her character flaw, but they are not treated as such by the narrative. By this, I do not mean they are framed positively, but simply that they are not the heart of Penny’s story. They could have been, but the story went with a different structure (that puts the focus on how Penny is treated by others). As a result Penny’s self issues are left there as a psychological trait that adds complexity and an additional degree of tragedy to an already complex, beautifully written and thematically rich story.

Penny never gets the chance to properly explore and deal with her flaw because the world kills and brutalizes her before she can. This is another way to describe Penny’s tragedy.

Anyway, I have written more on Penny here and here and @hamliet talked about how Penny’s arc is a specific kind of tragedy here.

I have no problem with people disliking Penny’s story or hoping that the self-issues she has shown in the series are explored a little bit more post-mortem to add an ulterior thematic layer to Penny as a character. However, as for now, I strongly love and appreciate what we have because Penny’s story is definately one of the best written in the series and one with the best symbolism so far.

Anyway, this is how I see Penny’s sacrifice, but you are free to feel otherwise. Anyway, I am not interested in discussing the topic further and we can just agree to disagree!

[darlingandmreames]

I rewatched The Ritual the other night for the first time in a while and am officially Back On My Bullshit, which means lots of thoughts and opinions that I am now going to make everyone else's problem. So without further ado, here are my thoughts on The Ritual's themes, character dynamics, and how the movie (in my opinion) improved upon the book

(spoilers for both the book and the movie)

Themes

So what is The Ritual actually about? I mean, obviously it's about a freaky forest monster that kills people and grants one of those kinds of immortality where you really gotta read the fine print, but underneath all that what is it actually about?

The answer depends a bit on both whether you're talking about the book or the movie, and how detailed you're being about it. Both the book and the movie share the very broad theme of "moving on", but what the characters are "moving on" from is different in each. I'd argue that the book primarily deals with moving on from past chapters in your life- cherishing the good memories, acknowledging and accepting the failures, and moving forward without becoming stuck on either.

The movie, on the other hand, is very explicitly about trauma, pain, and grief, and the process of confronting and moving on (or NOT moving on) from those experiences. This is achieved by the introduction of Rob, a character who didn't exist in the book. His actual appearance in the movie is brief, but his death is the driving force behind the entire movie. It's sudden, violent, and senseless, and it provides a very distinct and viscerally present context for the character interactions moving forward (more on that later). Rob's death faces the characters with a complex, heartbreaking, and traumatic loss and allows the movie to explore what it means to confront and move on from something like that, as well as the consequences of NOT doing so, by making that pain and grief into a very real (and beautifully designed) monster.

And that's where the movie's second major change comes in: the portrayal of the cult. I.... admittedly didn't really care for the cult portion of the book all that much honestly. It wasn't bad and some of my favourite lines were actually from that part of the book, but it felt almost jarringly different from the first part of the book to me. I felt like the heavy metal teen cultists were very much at odds with the sense of sinister supernaturality the first part of the book had spent building.

I loved the cult in the movie though. These are people who worship the personified (monstrified?) pain and grief that stalks the forest. They were chosen to survive specifically because of their own personal pain ("why me?" "Your pain is great") and by worshipping the monster they're kept in the forest and granted an immortality that saves them from death but not decay. It's a beautiful look at the consequences of being unable/unwilling to move on from pain/loss/grief and instead being consumed by it. The cultists are defined by their pain to the point that it eventually warps them into something almost unrecognizable. By worshipping Moder they are literally unable to move on, both physically (they're stuck in the forest) and spiritually (they can't die). Whereas the cult in the book felt jarringly different in tone from the story leading up to it, the cult in the movie tied into the theme beautifully and provided Luke with a look at his future if he allows his own pain to consume him.

Which brings us to....

Characters

A stories themes are often best portrayed through it's characters, and in this case that mostly means Luke.

Luke in the book is....well, to be honest, he isn't really that sympathetic or even that likeable when we first meet him or really for a large chunk of the story, at least not in my opinion. He's a 36 year old man-child who's clearly still chasing the glory of his college days and who's life up until now has mostly been characterized by failures, flakiness, and not taking responsibility for any of it. And on top of that, he's angry. The kind of angry that's violent, easily provoked, and generally unwarranted. All of the characters are facing failures at the end of this chapter of their lives to some degree (such as Phil being separated from his wife), but Luke is very clearly the least well adjusted- and least sympathetic- of them. His character arc revolves around him learning to move on from this previous chapter in his life, accepting the good and the bad and finally being willing to move forward with determination. In the beginning of the book Luke is characterized by indifference and petulant anger that masks fear and doubt, but he ends the book with a desire to move forward and determination to survive.

The inclusion of Rob and his subsequent death COMPLETELY changes Luke's character though and, in my opinion, makes him FAR more compelling and sympathetic. We still get similar notes to where he starts out as we did in the book; whereas Rob, Dom, Hutch, and Phil have all clearly settled down and moved on from their uni days, Luke obviously hasn't. This is made clear in his suggestions for the lad's holiday, his wanting to get a bottle of liquor after they leave the bar, and his conversation with Rob when they're in the liquor store. Movie!Luke really isn't all that different from book!Luke in the first scene or two.

Rob's brutal murder profoundly changes Luke's character though. He's left dealing with the grief and loss left in the wake of Rob's death, as well as the guilt associated with not having been able to stop it. By taking a character that may not otherwise be particularly sympathetic or likeable and having the audience watch him experience a deeply horrifying and traumatic loss, the movie makes Luke into an extremely compelling character and set him for a far more emotionally engaging character arc as he struggles to cope with both his grief and his guilt.

As I mentioned above, the cult in the movie provides Luke with a glimpse of the consequences of allowing his pain and grief to consume him. Now, the cult in the book sort of does the same thing- the indifferent anger and violence of the cultists mirrors Luke's own anger covering his fear and doubt and shows what could happen if he embraced that part of him. But the cult in the movie, in my opinion, works far better in this role because they feel more thematically and tonally in line with the rest of the movie and because Luke is a more sympathetic character. His decision to accept or reject that path carries more weight because we care about him. Moreover, accepting the same path as the cultist would provide him with a community that understands his pain, something he very much did not have with his friends; we understand that accepting the cult is a bad decision, but we also understand why Luke would be tempted to do so. Simply put, we feel for him and that makes the presentation of this choice much more emotionally impactful.

Interestingly, Luke's character arc in both the book and the movie end with him developing the desire and determination to survive. It comes from two very different places though. In the book, it revolves around Luke's willingness to finally close out the previous chapter of his life- highs and lows and all- and move forward into the future despite the fear and uncertainty doing so may provoke.

In the movie, though, this decision comes within the context of Luke's survivor's guilt. He feels guilty over Rob's death because he wasn't able to intervene and this guilt is reinforced by the other characters, most notably Dom and, later, Hutch. His decision to reject Moder, to fight back and refuse to kneel, represents not only his decision to move on from his grief and trauma but also the acknowledgement that despite what happened he still has worth and his life is still worth living. It also resolves his struggle with his inability to help (which plays a large role in his guilt), something that comes into play in all of the deaths in the movie even beyond Rob's. In Hutch's death Luke tried to find him but was unable to find him until it was far too late. In Phil's death he's initially paralyzed before running away, both in fear, in much the same way he did in Rob's death. In Dom's death he was able to take the necessary steps to help Dom (dislocating his thumb to get out of the restraints) but was ultimately too late and was forced to watch Dom die anyways. By recognizing that he still has worth and that is life is worth living, Luke is able to act in spite of his fear and make the decision not to allow his grief, pain, and trauma to consume him.

No discussion of Luke as a character is completely without also discussing how he interacts with the other characters and hoooo BOY did the movie really ratchet those interactions up a notch or ten. The interactions in the book were well written but they admittedly felt a little one note at times (though this is also probably somewhat due to me viewing book!Luke as not particularly likeable or sympathetic). By including Rob's death the movie adds a layer of complexity to the character interactions that I felt really wasn't there in the book and we get to see the interpersonal effects of traumatic loss. Luke may have been the only one to witness Rob's death but they're all grieving him, and we get to see how that (and how Luke's friends' perception of his role in Rob's death) impacts and strains their relationships. As I mentioned earlier, we see very clearly that Luke doesn't have any real support or understanding from his friends; Dom does little to hide the fact that he views Luke as directly responsible for what happened and while Hutch does initially attempt to provide support, it comes off as superficial and he later admits he isn't sure whether he blames Luke. Luke is very clearly struggling with what happened but can't turn to the people he would normally rely on for support, and his interactions with his friends often alienate him and further reinforce the guilt and blame he's grappling with rather than provide any source of comfort. This, again, makes the temptation to submit to Moder and join the cult, to give into his pain and grief and loss and let it consume him, that much more compelling and his choice to reject it that much more meaningful.

Overall, the movie's decision to add in Rob and his subsequent death and to change how the cult was portrayed was, in my opinion, a truly excellent one and helped move the movie from a story I would've enjoyed but shrugged off into legitimately one of my favourite movies of all time. It allowed for a more thematically and tonally consistent story and made both Luke and his character arc more sympathetic, compelling, and emotionally impactful. When it comes to adaptations I generally tend to enjoy the book more than the movie, but this is one of the few exceptions where I truly believe the movie significantly improved upon the book

[tgsofu]

Show Review: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

I went into this show blind with next to no prior knowledge of She-Ra, aside from the name and her apparent connection to He-Man. I found it after browsing through some recommendations for good modern cartoons and have been watching it on-off over this past year.

CONTENT: ★★★★☆

The story of She-Ra progressed from start to finish with clear direction and purpose. Interesting and immersive, it chose to avoid the popular episodic approach where the overarching plot unfolds in the background while minor misadventures take focus. While I do not hate said format, I personally enjoy a constant sense of momentum. The themes tackled within the story felt very current and important to our current global atmosphere, while masterfully kept woven within the presented universe and the setting. However, as amazing as it indeed was, I was not as impressed by how the otherwise imaginative and quirky show approached some particular tropes. Certain plot elements like relationship cracks, redemption arcs and resolutions were, at times, painfully predictable. I find the use of even cliché tropes completely fine by principle but I feel She-Ra could have implemented them in a more clever and appealing manner, instead of having them play out in the exact same way we have seen in other cartoons and animated movies so many times before.

The cast of She-Ra was one of its best aspects. Every character was unique and different from their visual designs to their core personalities, motives and character arcs. In this sense She-Ra has inherited a lot of what once made Steven Universe so good! What I saw was a varied, inclusive mix of delightful personalities and presentations that never once felt forced or slapped-on, but rather meaningful and appreciative of modern day diversity in a way that really helped even such a fantasy world feel that much more alive and dynamic.  I’m quite honestly awestruck by how much well even the most minor appearances were handled and how memorable they turned out to be.

The world was vast, imaginative and colorful. Environmental design was eye candy from start to finish and introduced us to a full-fledged fantasy world with its own cultures and kingdoms, even expanding out into the wider universe in a really clever way tied to the overarching story. This show didn’t hold back with magic, including the sometimes jarringly deus-exxy magic of friendship, but for the most part I felt it successfully utilized the concept as a distinct system that stayed true to the rules established for that universe and made it that much more fun to explore.

EXECUTION: ★★★★☆

I partly covered these aspects earlier, but let’s rehearse! As a whole, the show has amazing flow and excellent pacing that keeps you engaged and interested from start to finish. The story has some brilliant foreshadowing, and the way characters develop and sort through their issues feels natural and connected to the bigger picture. The relationship networks are varied, intriguing and complex and dynamic in a way that feels purposeful and consequential. She-Ra is unafraid to bring some very current and important subjects to the table in its meta-commentary while still refraining from coming across as a preachy educational handbook.

As I mentioned before, the clichéd way of presenting plot threads related to some common tropes was my biggest gripe with this show and in the overall execution it caused some of the emotional tension harder to appreciate. Still, even those never felt like a waste of the audience’s time as they resonated well with the rest of the narrative.

VISUALS: ★★★★☆

I’m sure a lot of other people would drop a 5-star bomb for this one. Because let’s be honest, the visuals of this show were gorgeous, the animation was consistent, fluid and played around with fun angles. The character designs were some of the best I have ever seen in a western cartoon and in motion they expressed their emotions beautifully through both facial expressions and body language alike. So WHY ONLY FOUR OUT OF FIVE? I’m not sure I will ever be able to give a western cartoon five out of five. It is mostly down to the small things that can’t be helped without a miracle on the budget side of things, but sometimes the characters look stiff and off model. Sometimes even their movement through the environment looks awkward and unfortunately this occurs most often during those scenes that try to go for a special and innovative angles, reducing the impact and distracting one from the moment. The art style itself also is not my personal favorite, I find it somewhat unoriginal and modern-Disney esque, and I really fail to see the appeal behind certain design choices regardless of how true to the original they are trying to be. I am referring to Catra’s migraine-inducing eyes, and the horrid glowy MS Paint red of Hordak’s palette, to name a couple of these visual turn-offs.

INGENUITY: ★★★★★

This show was a reboot of a very well-known character from many people’s childhood. A such, I am certain I missed some of fun little references and nods and remain unable to judge the show from the angle of a veteran fan. But that’s okay, the show holds its own and serves as a great  introduction to the character and world of She-Ra. It tells a strong story with a cast of unforgettable characters, deals with surprisingly deep concepts and dunks you head first in a gorgeous fantasy world you only wish you could visit in person. I went in mostly blind, progressed through 5 whole seasons of story as I kept being positively surprised by all it had to offer, and left the ride satisfied. Satisfied, yet also sad that it is now over... like all good things eventually are.

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2021 - July

I read a lot this month! I’m not even sure how I managed it, especially when we consider I’ve read another 850 pages between Anna Karenina and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on top of this lot!

I’m just going to apologise now for not proof reading this... I’m finishing this off at 2 in the morning to schedule and I’m sick of looking at my own writing at the moment.

Amnesty by Lara Elena Donnelly - Technically I read this at the end of June, however, I was on holiday so couldn’t include it in last month’s wrap up.

I’ve already spoken about the Amberlough Dossier and anyone who’s been around my blog for longer than about 10 seconds knows I love this trilogy. Amnesty was no exception. We have the return of Cyril, he and Ari working through their relationship (or not quite understandably), and the fall out from the fall of the Ospies - this world’s equivalent to the Nazi party. It’s not an easy book to read and the glamour of the first installment is completely stripped away to deal with very complex moral and political questions. I don’t necessarily agree with Donnelly’s answers, however, I do admire her for really delving into these very difficult topics. She used the speculative nature of the Amberlough Dossier to come up with a sensitive and interesting discussion on a very difficult period in history.

I’m hoping to write a proper review for the whole trilogy at some point (once I’ve finished the monstrosity that is my Words of Radiance review) so I don’t want to say too much more here. However, I do want to say I really enjoyed that Donnelly found the space to continue looking at the smaller, private, and interpersonal consequences of the Ospies’ regime, particularly for families. It’s a sensitive look into this situation and I loved every second of it - I also adore Cyril and Ari’s relationship, but I’ll dig into them in my proper reivew.

Master of Sorrows by Justin Call - this was a slightly underwhelming read for me, although I did really enjoy it. I’ve seen Master of Sorrows praised everywhere, I don’t think I’ve seen it given less than 5 stars? Yet, for me it was a solid 4 star read. I’d wanted a 5 star read (I’ve been sorely lacking them) but something was holding me back with this one - I do think the series has 5 star potential though and I’m going to read Master Artificer soon!

This is a book clearly embedded in a love of mythology and fantasy. It’s dark and gritty, especially in the second half, with plenty for the reader to sink their teeth into. I’ve also never seen such a strong focus on physical disability in a fantasy novel - it was refreshing to see and led to an interesting use of the magic system to develop ways of overcoming physical disadvantages. Although I’m hoping this is going to be explored further in later installments as, for a large part of this book, Annev was essentially able bodied due to a magical prosthetic he never takes off.

Unfortuantely the most interesting part of this book, for me, was the mythological world building at the start of each part in the book. The myths, clearly based on Norse mythology (I’m sorry but “Odar” was a bit obvious), were fascinating, particularly as they started to have an influence on the events of the main narrative. I just wanted to know more about the gods than the actual story, this is probably a me issue though... The main plotline felt generic: Annev is a boy in a coming of age story, complete with a magic(ish) assassin school, a wise old mentor, and a destiny/prophesy surrounding him. It’s a typical fantasy story, so far, and while I do really enjoy these plotlines (I read enough of them!) it’s not exactly the most original. Nevertheless, I am excited to see where Call goes with this as I do think the rest of the series will start growing into something much more interesting and I look forward to Master Artificer.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte - this is one of my favourite books of all time, we all know this by now... See my full review for Bronte’s masterpiece here.

The Bedlam Stacks by Natasha Pulley - July has been the month of Natasha Pulley for me because I’ve rediscovered just how much I LOVE her books. I first read Pulley back in...what, 2017? (It’s been a while...) with her debut novel, The Watchmaker of Filigree Street which I remember loving, but I never continued with The Bedlam Stacks, the only other available book by Pulley at the time. To be frank with you, it’s because at 18/19 I wasn’t that interested in Peru. However, I now really want to read The Kingdoms, Pulley’s new release, but I felt obliged to read the books I already owned by her and hadn’t read - so I picked up The Bedlam Stacks as it’s the one I’ve owned the longest without having read it...

Not reading The Bedlam Stacks back then was the best decision I’ve ever made because I know at 18 I wouldn’t have appreciated what a stunning masterpiece this book is - it would have flown over my head because, at the time, I just wanted more Thaniel and Mori. At 23 I ADORED this book. I absolutely fell in love with the subtle whimsy and quite, understated beauty of this story. Pulley has such an elegant way of writing, it’s never overdone - she has a way of playing with words which reads beautifully but doesn’t feel like too much. She’s never flowery or purple with her prose, but she does create a work of art.

Unfortunately, The Bedlam Stacks is a book I think a lot of people may struggle with - there’s not a lot of plot, everything is a bit weird, and it’s largely a character study for our two main characters: Merrick Tremayne and Raphael. Merrick’s journey to Peru to find quinine - a cure for malaria - for the British Empire is really a set up to allow the rest of the book to focus on these two characters. It’s centred on the very slow development of their relationship together, coming to understand each other, and eventually open up about themselves - well this is more in Raphael’s case. It’s a poignant story about two people finding a home with each other that will endure across time and distance - it’s not quite a romance, but it’s certainly more than a friendship. Personally I read them as ace, but there is definitely scope here to read them in a variety of other ways depending on your own experiences. But what is certain is their deep connection, and that their love (platonic or otherwise) is what drives the outcome of this story.

It’s beautiful, poignant, and slightly tragic when you think about it... I loved every minuet of it and just wanted the book to continue, I was genuinely sad it was over! It’s not a novel for everyone, and I do think the opening section needed some more work as it did feel like Pulley was saying ‘lets get over this necessary but boring set up’. However, it was exactly what I wanted and I’m so happy I’ve finally read it.

I’m also much more interested in Peru now, so that’s something else to hold in it’s favour!

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley - I’m falling slightly out of order here but it seems better to continue with Pulley’s books. Most of the same praise I gave to The Bedlam Stacks can be repeated here - Pulley’s writing is slightly weaker here but it’s only really noticable because I read both books one after the other and I was thinking about her prose. The same whimsical, poetic, and understated style is used in both books and it really suits the type of stories Pulley like to tell - and again it’s a style that really works for me.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street I think is a slightly more universally likeable story - although I would argue Pulley is an acquired taste. There is a bit less whimsy, and the relationship between Thaniel and Mori is more easily quantifiable for readers. There is also a more obvious plotline to follow, whilst still developing three compelling characters with Mori, Thaniel, and Grace. Personally I don’t love Grace - I find her brash and callous - however, she does have as good of an arc as Thaniel and Mori, she’s also someone who regularly get overlooked when people talk about this book. She’s not someone I like or approve of, but I do really understand where she’s coming from and can appreciate her growth. Pulley doesn’t need us to like Grace - or any of her characters - she presents them as they are and lets us cast our own judgements on them, and I sincerely love this about her. (I’m also so up for reading more about Grace and her relationship with Matsumoto, they’re fabulous together!)

The main draw to this book is definitely the relationship between Thaniel and Mori - how could you not love them? They’re fascianting to watch - together and separately - and throughout the course of this nove you really feel them grow into their relationship. It’s beautiful to watch and feels genuine. Their bond is earnt, not just presented to us as a fact. However, what I really love about Mori and Thaniel is the slightly sinister route Mori takes to make sure he meets Thaniel. Honestly, in any other book Mori would be horrifying with his slightly callous use of his abilities to manipulate the world around him to achieve his own ends. However, with the narrative framing here he’s slightly toned down, it’s a spectacular example of framing shaping audience perspectives on a character. It’s great and I appreciate the sensitivity Pulley used to shape Mori and the relationship between him and Thaniel. I’m also really looking forward to seeing how they develope in The Lost Future of Pepperharrow.

Henry V by William Shakespeare - I don’t really have a lot to say about Henry V... I’ve never felt that strongly about this play - it’s fine? It’s a FABULOUS play to watch (I’ve partial to the Tom Hiddleston version in The Hollow Crown) but to read it’s merely okay. There are some fantastic and very famous speeches - and I absolutely adore the Chorus. However, as a whole the play is merely a decent one. I’m always left a bit uncomfortable with how Shakespeare treats the French, and I’m yet to work out where I stand on Henry as a person and the morality of the war... It’s something to ponder and maybe write something on at a later date.

Unfortunately, this one falls into a similar issue as the Henry IV plays - I just don’t like the common men plotline within this one... It’s slightly better because Falstaff isn’t in this play, except in name (I have an absolute burning hatred of Falstaff... Like we could burn him out of English literature and I’d dance on the ashes level of hatred, it’s perhaps sllightly irrational but I loathe him. I’d otherwise like the Henry IV plays but I see Falstaff and I’m immediately full of seething rage. It’s apparently very funny for my best friend.) However, I just find the common men a tedious distraction from the rest of the play. I switch off whenever I’m watching the play and they’re on stage/screen. I know why they’re there I just don’t care - it’s a me issue, I’m well aware.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling - okay I’m not going to write much on Half-Blood Prince as a whole becasue 1. Rowling herself, and 2. I’m going to rank the Harry Potter books when I’ve finished with Deathly Hallows. Overall, I loved this book, it’s always been one of my favourite Potter novels and my reread only cemented its place. The plot is genuinely interesting and well thought out, it’s one of the best books for exploring Harry as a character (I adore seeing his darker side!), and the set up for the finale is excellent. I actually perfer it to Deathly Hallows because the promises it makes are more interesting than the actual execution of the book.

However, I do want to say that this book made Snape my new favourite character - I won’t explain why yet, I need to do a full spoiler discussion of ALL the Harry Potter books, including Deathly Hallows. But Snape is by far the best drawn character in the Potter series. He’s certainly not the nicest, kindest of most likeable. Snape’s not a moral paragon, neither has he ‘done nothing wrong’ as I’ve seen argued. But he is the most interesting and morally complex.

Everytime I’ve read Potter before, Snape’s a character I’ve not really thought about - which is shocking considering how much he’s in these books, the role he plays, and the discourse around him in the Harry Potter fandom. I’ve always just gone along with the face-value presentation of his character. Yet on this reread I’ve paid attention to Snape, not deliberately, it just naturally happened. Anyway, to cut a long story short - Snape is my new favourite character! Yes Lupin is still my irrational, undying favourite. But, in terms of having a genuine interest and reason for loving him Snape is my new favourite because he is so complicated! He’s someone I’ve come to understand and sympathise with. I don’t condone Snape, I still think he’s a piece of work who should NEVER be allowed around children. But he is a good person. Again not nice, likeable, or morally sound. Yet he does spend the best part of 20 years working tirelessly for good without praise, acknowledgement, or recongition.

He’s a fascinating character and I’ve adored diving into his mind, as much as you can in this very Harry-centric series, without the accepting bias of a child’s eyes. Snape’s one of the few characters in Harry Potter I’d like to read a book about - I’ve neber been one to want a Marauder’s spin off or Hogwarts founding story. But I think diving into Snape’s mind would genuinely be worth it and an interesting experiment, I just don’t think J.K. Rowling would be the right author to do it.

[the-last-cuddlebender]

So you just refuse canon and bumi and Kya were lying or were just dumb not to realize what was really happening and perfect dad aang didn’t favor tenzin so much and he wasn’t the special one who got all the trips and time with him and was the favorite and every air nation person didn’t revere him and his mother didn’t adore the baby of the family who gave her grandkids and youre right I had to look it up but pema was o n l y 16 years younger and a man doesn’t leave a long term partner to hook up right away with a girl if there wasn’t something going on before even if maybe they didn’t get close to f#cking or maybe it was the worshiping from her that he liked and it was enough even if he really didn’t have anything going on with her but for you tenzin is this perfect victim who never done anything wrong like aang and who only suffered by everyone else being mean and wasn’t loved enough for your liking but this is your hc and to be fair you can have any you want. Bumi was the oldest and he was a non bender that must have been crushing but he kept being a good person and loving his family. Kya was the middle child who was gay and who probably was a bit confused and a bit lost and still was the most caring person ever to anyone and was always willing to help and who even went to stay with her elderly mother. tenzin was the miracle child who got all his parents attention, an island and grow up to expect to be special and a leader who was rigid on his teaching and rules and was also sort of a shitty teacher who also treated a girlfriend/oldest friend like crap not because of the break up but how he did it. That’s all tenzin not just poor baby defenseless never done anything wrong tenzin but if that’s what you want I’m glad he isn’t as loved as you think he should be because with the bits we got his siblings are much more interesting and even better people

(I assume you’re referring to this post about a previous ask, and I’m happy to discuss)

Hi, anon! There’s considerably more for me to unpack here, so bear with me. I’ll try to keep my response contained to a few points:

some child (< age 12) psychology

Katara and Hakoda’s relationship

some pretty dang neat-o history facts that explain more than you think (because my diploma has to be worth something lmao)

(I’m trying to be concise, so if I sound short, please know that’s not my intention. I just wanna save this from becoming a novel. I also just burnt myself with NaNoWriMo, so it may kindof ramble idk)

To start, I don’t refuse the “canon” of the Kataang family, so take that as you will. I gave my argument completely within the lines of TLOK canon because I figured that was what you were after. And I can make an argument for something while not arguing against the opposition. A good argument should be able to validate itself. I never went after Bumi or Kya, and I never would. I love their characters to bits. I was focusing on Tenzin.

Nowhere in my previous post did I say that Tenzin is a ‘perfect victim’ who never did anything wrong. I’m discussing the reasons why I think his character should be explored and appreciated more. He is an extremely complex character just like the rest of the cast. To box him in as “the favored one” is narrow-sighted at best. He’s human. There’s more to him. He didn’t ask for his lot, but he makes of himself what he can with it, just like Bumi and Kya. He by no means had a cozy time (and he has the stress-lines to show it).  

You say that Tenzin was “expect to be special and a leader.” That alone makes me want to know more about him and how he grew up with that weight on his shoulders. That kind of expectation can destroy a person. It’s very a-la the pressures of the first-born in a monarchy crumbling under the stresses of learning to rule. Tbh, I think that’s why Tenzin was written as the youngest, so that the cliché wouldn’t be as obvious.

I have NEVER said that Bumi and Kya were lying or were dumb. I was discussing kid-Tenzin and how/why kid-Bumi and kid-Kya perceived favoritism (all while remaining within the lines of TLOK canon, too). Perception isn’t a bad thing. It’s just someone’s interpretation of the world. Idk if you think there’s a negative connotation to the word, but there’s not. Person A can look at the sky and see the moon and Person B can look at the sky and see a void that makes them feel small and insignificant. It’s just a difference of perception. Just because they’re different doesn’t make one or the other inherently wrong. Different truths are more than capable of co-existing.

FIRSTLY, about Aang passing:

Kya wasn’t the only one to help Katara after Aang passed. Aang left a void in MANY ways, both as a family man and the Avatar. Bumi, being in the military, guarded the world in his stead. Tenzin took up the mantle in the City and on the island. Kya took on the emotional safety-net.

Katara was Aang’s best friend, partner, and second-in-command. She was just as renowned as him. I can imagine the world expecting her to shoulder his burdens in the wake of his passing. She was the Mighty Katara, after all.

ALL of her kids helped her through his passing, in their own way. Being a shoulder to cry on is just one facet, and all three kids helped her beautifully.

Some psychology:

I’ll explain why I think Bumi and Kya perceived favoritism (which every kid does, myself included. It’s natural and somewhat instinctive for siblings) as best as I can. I’m not a psych major by any means, but I can lay down what I know and remember from my classes.

I’m not saying favoritism doesn’t exist in families. I’m talking about family dynamics in situations where favoritism is subjective because it objectively isn’t there. (Others might define favoritism differently, I suppose. But these are my thoughts)

Children (again, I’m talking <12 here) perceive the world differently than adults. They have incredible imaginations and a pretty tame survival instinct. Give a kid one of those mind-bender jigsaw puzzles, and they’ll have a higher chance of success solving it because their minds haven’t grown enough to be constrained by reality. They’re mad geniuses who haven’t been developed enough to be closed off from the possibilities. That’s what makes childhood so precious. 

That’s why even Gyatso wanted to wait until Aang was older to learn he was the Avatar. You have to let the mind grow and fall and dust itself off before you fence it in. This doesn’t discredit or underestimate kids, either. They are extremely capable. I’m just talking about their lesser known psychology.

“Developed” is also a word that doesn’t have negative connotation here. I’m speaking clinically. Some cognitive and executive brain functions aren’t developed until 25. It doesn’t devalue ability or understanding. It’s just a word.

Kids internalize things differently than adults, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Perceived favoritism among siblings (in situations where there objectively isn’t favoritism, of course) is a classic example. Kids need only be a few years apart for this to be seen. If a two-year-old gets a younger sibling, they can regress to breastfeeding because of the perceived favoritism they see being given to the youngest. Mom isn’t going to let the other kid starve, but the kid doesn’t know that. 

This isn’t just in infants, though. And as it can be seen with the Kataang kids (they were all kids when Tenzin went on the trips with Aang, and kid-Tenzin is my focus here): Bumi and Kya don’t ‘know’ that Aang is saving time for them, too, when he isn’t there. All they see is Dad gone with Tenzin and leaving them behind. And by ‘know’, I don’t mean to insult their intelligence. They comprehend why, but their instincts don’t. Siblings have a lot of strange instincts, not just Cain Instinct. Object permanence is critical until critical and abstract thinking are properly developed. Before then, it’s a “I believe what I can see” mindset (in the simplest terms...I don’t wanna wax eloquent about the nuances of it rn. I can see people taking this as me discrediting kids, but I’m not. I’m just trying to explain the Point B missing between Points A and C presented in the show).

Katara:

Children don’t start developing abstract thinking until about age 12. It’s part of their cognitive development. That’s when they start developing critical thinking (and scientific method and etc.) and the understanding of relationships between verbal and nonverbal ideas. Before then, seeing dad take their youngest sibling on field trips would 100% feel unfair, no matter how the situation would be explained to them. They literally can’t understand it.

***Katara: If you want an example, look no further than when Katara confronts Hakoda in The Awakening. Katara knew Hakoda had to go when he did (2 years before the show, by the way, making her 12). She really, really does understand, even when she’s older. But it still hurts, and she doesn’t know why. That’s because the damage has been done. She perceived his leaving differently when she was younger and it internalized differently as a result. She feels a little abandoned even though she knows Hakoda didn’t and why he had to go. Its affects don’t go away, though (as seen in the invasion). 

I never said that Kya’s and Bumi’s feelings would go away or were untrue to begin with. It was real to them, and that’s all that matters, just like Katara’s feelings being real to her is all that matters. Hakoda understands that. Aang would, too.

Is that Aang’s fault? It depends on what your definition of a good dad is and whether or not you give him room to make mistakes. Personally, I think he’s a great dad to all three of his children, even in the canon of TLOK. He just isn’t given a proper analysis in the show. 

Time spent together does not equal time spent loved. Otherwise, school teachers would be more of a parent(s) to a kid than their actual parents.

The acolytes:

The acolytes of The Southern Air Temple being all “Avatar Aang had more kids?” and completely side-lining Kya and Bumi is not in any way a testament of Aang’s or Katara’s characters. That’s the acolytes’ characters. Aang and Katara have no control over what the acolytes do/do not want to believe or think, no matter how many times they would have corrected them. They fangirl over the airbenders in the scene you’re referring to. Even the fangirls in the comics completely side-lined Katara as Aang’s “first girlfriend.” Their behavior in TLOK never surprised me.

Teacher!Tenzin:

Tenzin being a poor teacher was a good thing. It meant he could grow with his equally-poor student so they would become something better together, as mentor and pupil. I found that idea for growth to be pretty darn cool.

Devaluing the opposition:

“The bits that we got his siblings are much more interesting and even better people” objectively, sure, I could agree, but if I met an interesting and awesome person for a short window of time, I wouldn’t believe they were interesting and awesome 100% of the time. Bits of a person do not define their character. Every person has a capacity for just as much good as evil—it’s a variable that stretches equally in either direction.

*********************************************************************

History-fun-time with the-last-cuddlebender woohoooooo

(a.k.a. I’ll address my thoughts on the “Tenzin being given the temple” and Tenzin-Pema situations, as you’ve presented them, as delicately and concisely as I can)

Importance of different generations:

If we go on the theory that TLOK mirrors more than just the industrial shifts of the real-world at the turn of the 20th c., then the age difference between Tenzin and Pema isn’t abnormal. (It wouldn’t be abnormal until even the early 1990s.) I have to use some anecdote to explain this, so bear with me:

Their age gap is strange to us because we’re used to things progressing so quickly. History as it’ll be written about the generations from the mid-90s onward will be very, very tricky. Generations now-a-days aren’t as easily defined because of the colossal leaps in technology from the past twenty or so years. 

Loosely, a generation is a group of people defined by relatively the same “changes” that happened in their lifetime (or whose effects affected their early development). There have been way too many changes in technology (which we know has a much stronger effect on a person’s early development now than ever before) in recent decades for that formula to hold up anymore, otherwise there would be a new generation every 4 years. 

An age gap like Tenzin’s and Pema’s feels so much stranger to us because our generations are so tightly layered. 4 years could mean a world’s difference when, back then (and I explain what I mean by “back then” further down), it didn’t change much on the dating scene. Life was more or less the same as they both grew up. It was far slower to change. And everyone in TLOK was growing up in the void of post-war for several decades. The technology jump didn’t (arguably) happen until just before Asami (if still holding up the comparison to modern day), so an age gap even in-universe wouldn’t be abnormal at the time they were dating.

(Even my parents got married at almost the exact same ages as Tenzin and Pema, the only difference being that my mom was 26 not 25. Most people I know are in the same boat. It’s just a generational disconnect)

Kya, Bumi, and Katara weren’t kicked out so Tenzin could be “given” the island (needs time period explanation):

I know TLOK says it got its inspiration from the 1920′s (the inspirations are there), but, if I were to date it, I would say that it’s moreso set in the mid 40′s-ish. (Kuvira ESPECIALLY reminds me of a not-as-known-as-they-should-be person from that time).

Among others, the size of the radios and Tenzin/Pema sleeping in one bed are some easy hints to me about TLOK being set in the mid-40s (if we’re using New York City as the template for Republic City). 

Even in the time of FDR’s earliest Fireside Chats, the radios were monsters that had to be kept in the corner of the living room. Towards the mid-40′s, commercial radios were becoming compact, and the radios in TLOK are pretty darn small. 

The Cathedral Radio used in TLOK wasn’t created in mass in the real world until 1933, and people didn’t have the means or money to replace their massive radios with smaller ones until (arguably) after the New Deal (1933-1939). Thus, I say the 40s.

Tenzin/Pema sleeping in the same bed also supports this time period because it wasn’t uncommon for couples to sleep in separate beds leading up into the “I Love Lucy” era of the 50s (the separate beds were for too many reasons to talk about here because they were a fad--for even medical reasons--for about a century). 

^^^setting the time period is needed to prove why I think Kya and Bumi left of their own volition, why they would do it, and why it was actually quite normal

Kya and Bumi weren’t kicked out of the temple. In real life, it was a trend up until the mid-40s for families to stay in the familial home, some even long after marriage. After that, however, multiple factors encouraged the want and fostered the need for young adults to leave their home as soon as 18. Kya and Bumi would be influenced just the same given the parallels with the time period.

Not all families did. The big (mostly industrial) cities were the first to do this. TLOK mirrors this with Bolin and Mako’s family staying together. 

Republic City, like New York City, was years ahead of these kinds of changes, so they started the one-bed shift and kids leaving the home just before the 50s. (This isn’t to disregard the cultural influences bellying the four nations. I know that familial homes are a characteristic common to Asian cultures since the US is more oft to sending elderly into nursing homes and such--and I’m having a blast learning about Asian culture since my specialty in college was medicine in Europe and the West--, but, here, I’m working on the assumption that the world in TLOK is migrating towards a Republic City standard, and the comics seemed to be hinting at that from as soon as just after the war, not to mention in TLOK.)

Again, kids leaving the home at the age of 18 is a very new thing that’s pretty specific to the US (in the time the trend first started) because of the new opportunities that were so suddenly afforded to younger people post-war. These opportunities were in all areas of life, not just economic (economic arguably being the least contributing factor imo), but that’s a historical essay for another time. 

My point is, kids leaving the familial home began as a choice in a post-war (100-year war, in TLOK’s case) world that encouraged them to do so.

Bumi and Kya were not kicked out so Tenzin could be “given” Air Temple Island. Bumi joined the military, and Kya traveled the world. They CHOSE to leave because there was opportunity to do so (that hadn’t been there for 100 years). They wanted to find their own destinies (and be the nomads they were born as...I always found it to be a great irony that Tenzin, being the poster-child to carry the legacy of the Air Nomads, never really got the chance to be a nomad. It’s sad, really, and potentially another reason why Aang took him on one-on-one trips since he knew Tenzin would be stuck with his legacy?).

Katara (again): As for Katara leaving the island, I believe that, among other reasons, Katara left Republic City because the light pollution made it difficult to see the stars she had grown up with. In real life, the Milky Way used to be visible to the naked eye everywhere in the world, and I think that change would be reflected in TLOK by default. Katara would probably find comfort in something as consistent as the stars and the Aurora lights in her old age. Plus, the city was probably too loud for her, and snow muffles sound pretty darn well.

TO BE CLEAR: This is not a justification. This is an explanation. I’m taking no “side”, here, because I’m not invalidating the opposition to validate my own. These are just my thoughts for how I see Point A becoming Point C in a way that keeps in line with TLOK canon.

*********************************************************************

Final thoughts:

You and I “perceive” Tenzin and his family differently, anon, and that’s okay. That’s just our interpretations of the show. I’m not calling for Bumi and Kya to be torn down so Tenzin can be uplifted. I’m talking about Tenzin (kid-Tenzin) in particular. His character is his character, and his value shouldn’t have to proven by devaluing Kya and Bumi. Likewise, Kya’s and Bumi’s value shouldn’t have to be proven by devaluing Tenzin. Just because they’re “more interesting” than Tenzin doesn’t make them interesting people (meaning that line of logic is flawed. i.e. lesser evil isn’t good because it’s lesser; it’s still evil. They should be interesting if the comparison is taken away, and they absolutely are and for their own reasons). Their characters should able to stand in an isolated argument, and they absolutely do, make no mistake. I love them to pieces, and nothing I’ve said about Bumi and Kya has made them inferior. I love them to death and have written more about them than Tenzin. It wasn’t until I started thinking about Tenzin that I realized his potential.

Tenzin, Kya, and Bumi were never “given” anything, and I doubt they would ever want it to be. They all had it rough, and they all deserve love. Bumi fought for a name in the military. Kya carved out her place in the world. Tenzin dug in his roots and planted the seeds for a garden he thought he wouldn’t be alive to see grow.

Me believing Tenzin should be appreciated more does not mean I believe Kya and Bumi should be appreciated less.

...just like Aang giving Tenzin one-on-one attention does not mean he didn’t give Kya and Bumi one-on-one attention, too:)

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Again, this isn’t an attack on any character, person, or fandom! I’m not a psych expert, either, and I apologize if it sounds like I’m delegitimizing kids and their experiences. I’m trying to do the opposite. I can go more into detail about Kya and Bumi, but this post is a novel already and I'm too burnt out to add more.

I’m just trying to give Tenzin as much love as Kya and Bumi🥰 I love all the cloud babies equally (as I should😤), and I wanted to toss out my two cents for discussion because I don’t see the cloud babies being loved equally in fandom (kindof ironic)

If there is some hidden childhood!tenzin content please hmu I beg🥺

[kahans]

i was tagged by @fillippas​ and @radiantsusan​ to list the top 10 books i read in 2020. thank u both so much! <3

so i’ve only read 18 going on 19 books this year (pathetic i know) but it’s still better than last year so we’re going to say this is a good year of literature for me. to narrow things down even further i’m also going to exclude rereads. anyway, in no particular order, here are my favorite books read in 2020! under the cut because i don’t hate my followers lmao

jade city by fonda lee - imagine six of crows but everyone is allowed to swear and it’s set in a fantasy version of eastern asia in the mid-20th century. yeah, it’s that awesome. 11/10 recommend, though it is an adult fantasy novel, the first of three, and contains two (you could argue but that’s my count) explicit sex scenes, some violence, and strong language

emma by jane austen - i don’t have much to say about this book except that i was not expecting it to be so funny? like honestly the whole book was hilarious from the actual plot to austen’s choice of prose.

supernova by marissa meyer - this book is the third of the renegades series, and it has everything you could want from a young adult novel about superheroes: complex morality, exploration of social issues, found family—and most importantly, enemies to lovers—all set in a fictional city analogous to gotham city. if you were a fan of the lunar chronicles, you’ll probably like the renegades series

queen of nothing by holly black - if you like enemies to lovers and faeries, you’ll probably like this conclusion to the folk of the air trilogy. the way the author presented the enemies to lovers trope was healthy and well-written, in my opinion, and the world of the faery, extant parallel to our own, is so aesthetically pleasing and beautifully described. the main character’s fears and motivations are well supported by the plot and her own circumstances. also there was a little kid who didn’t constantly annoy me for once, so that’s also a nice bonus.

the song of achilles by madeline miller - honestly in fifty years i wouldn’t be surprised if this book was considered one of the classics. everything from the characters to the prose to the romance was beautifully done. as an amateur writer, i especially admired miller’s use of language. obviously she had source material to build upon but her choice of words fit so well with the setting and type of novel she wrote. now there are several raw ass quotes from this book that live in my mind rent fee

the secret history by donna tartt - when i first started this book all i could think was, what the heck is this book about? the writing was pretty, if not a little verbose, and the characters intriguing, but the plot dragged so much it took me forever to finish the book. by my estimation, things really started to get going about a third of the way through, and by then i was hooked and really began to enjoy things. like the entry just prior to this one, several of the quotes live in my brain rent free. some of the scenes do also, though mostly because they were delightfully absurd

the foxhole court by nora sakavic - okay, okay, make fun of me for jumping on the bandwagon all you want, but i had to see what all of the hype was about. i haven’t read all three, so i’m just passing a judgment on this book alone: i do not understand why people adore this book so much (please don’t kill me it’s just an opinion). maybe it gets better in the second and third novels, but there were some pretty...yikes things going on i wasn’t too comfy with. but i do like the characters and their dynamic

ballad of songbirds and snakes by suzanne collins - if this had been anything but a hunger games book i probably wouldn’t have put it on this list. that makes it sound really bad, but my expectations were high and this book was...so... slow. and dry. it was interesting to read how some of the aspects of the hunger games came to be, and of course i loved lucy gray baird, but she was probably the only highlight in a cast of otherwise bland characters. i feel like collins wrote this book as current sociopolitical commentary to give it a deeper meaning beyond a cash grab profiting off of her reader’s love of the first series.

frankenstein by mary shelley - i think part of what makes this book so good is knowing the details surrounding its creation and publication. i mean, have you ever written a book so unique and good it revolutionized a whole genre of literature? yeah, me neither. i’m one of the few who read kiersten white’s the dark descent of elizabeth frankenstein before the novel on which it was based so i might give that a reread as well because [saoirse ronan voice] women.

we rule the night by claire elizabeth bartlett - so I’m going to be honest: this book was not as good as I expected. The worldbuilding was lackluster and the magic system, while interesting, was not fleshed out enough to fully make the quasi-russian setting really come alive. however, one of the main characters was a disabled girl, and while I can’t speak for disabled people as I am not one myself, i enjoyed the way her disability was integrated into the magic system and how it was portrayed by the author.

Tagging: @opticarrow, @coachday, @cressisaqueen, @venkasring, and anyone else who wants to do this tag! (The whole mini review proceeding each book is not necessary to complete the tag, I’m just extra)

[lunamanar]

Off-the-Cuff First-impressions Review: Trials of Mana

I got Seiken Densetsu 3/Trials of Mana in the mail today and am surprised by just how excited I am about it. After the admittedly predictable letdowns of the Secret of Mana “remake” and the FFVIII “remaster,” not to mention the iOS revision of the former, you’d think I’d be jaded at this point. 

But! FFVII remake is Actually Good, and so far it looks like Trials of Mana is, while certainly lower budget, also Actually Good. The voice acting is kinda meh, but not bad enough to detract from the game in my opinion, and considering they are working with SNES-era scripts (the dialogue is 99% word-for-word the same as the more recent translation of the original SD3 game, so it’s going to be a bit stilted anyway) it’s really not bad at all. 

Besides, the actual meat of the game--the world, character and monster design, and the gameplay--is extremely solid and I have had very little trouble acclimating to it. It’s fun to play, it feels good to run around and explore the world and the battles are both very simplistic in a way that is familiar to an old fart like me and very satisfying in the way they function. One of the biggest weaknesses the original game had was absolutely horrendous input lag in some areas due to 1. the sheer size of the loaded map section, such as Rolante/Laurant, 2. The number of on-screen instructions the SNES had to process during battles, particularly during fights where you had massive sprites taking up the entire screen (the awful awful wall-guardian “Genova” [harhar] is probably the single hardest boss in the game purely due to input lag/drops; when you attack an enemy, even assuming your weapon swings when you tell it to, and that’s a big ‘if,’ the monster you are attacking is actually in a state which is several frames ahead of whatever state it visually appears to be in on-screen, making it extremely difficult to time your attacks properly to both defend and do optimal damage to what should have been a relatively minor “miniboss” fight). Trials of Mana, on the other hand, has none of those problems, simply thanks to more modern technology. So far every fight I’ve engaged in has been smooth and responsive as well as very visually appealing.

And wow is this game pretty. It’s not the most amazing example of the best graphical advances in gaming history, to be sure, but I genuinely don’t think that matters, as it’s still beautifully detailed and really does look like they took the original graphics and magicked them into more modern models. The re-imaginings of each area and monster are very faithful to both the aesthetic and the layout of the original design while at the same creatively expanding on them; I've had no trouble finding my way around familiar maps or identifying the bestiary, but I have found a lot of added depth to them, such as the ability to jump down on rooftops and find hidden nooks that were just static backdrops or otherwise out of sight in the original. The areas are more layered and interactive, but very importantly, nothing is missing. Not even the dogs and cats, who still bark and meow at you if you talk to them. I feel like I’m being allowed to see and explore the original maps from angles I didn’t have access to in the past. It really makes the 16-year-old in me unbelievably happy, to be able to finally, actually see and do these things I could only wish for back then. For people who have never played it, it’s probably a very pretty, if otherwise unremarkable experience, but for me it’s the granting of a wish I’ve had for a long time, but never expected to happen. 

Similarly, I think a lot of people will look at the plot for this game and go, “...what?” Because it really doesn’t seem to have been changed at all from the SNES version, aside from a few little tweaks to the dialogue here and there to ease the transition between some sections or correct for differences in game mechanics (of which there are only a few; again, this is definitely a remake--it remains the same game with the same mechanics at its core). This can lead to some pretty awkward interactions between characters, and at times it seems pretty clear that the voice actors weren’t given a lot of direction about the context of their lines. It’s not a bad story, but it’s a very simply told one, and feels more like it’s targeting 12~16 year-olds (which it probably is, to be fair) who might not care so much about nitpicking the semantics of the plot and character motivations. Which is to say, most of the characters who are not main protagonists or villains are painfully cardboard-flat. They do what they do and say what they say because it advances the plot for them to do and say those things. Elliot falls for a “trick” that I’m pretty sure most 4-year-olds would see through. The Bad Guys are 1-dimensionally evil, wanting to either destroy or take over the world, with the possible exception of Lugar and Koren who have slightly more complicated “I’m your rival” reasons. That leaves the complexity up to the protagonists to shoulder, and while I haven’t played that far into the game yet, thus far is is beat-for-beat and shot-for-shot the same as the original, so I expect that character-building will be left largely up to the player to mentally write in, especially since the game features light/dark class-changes as a feature of its progression. (I do kiiiind of hope that your choice in class changes has a more material effect on the ending’s outcome, but I think that might be asking a bit too much from a remake of this sort.) But the somewhat archaic plot and character arcs are not surprising and for me don’t take away any of the game’s charm. Nikita is still the best, the shop owners still dance inexplicably, the fact you can play a werewolf is badass, rabites are still cute, Don Perignon is still kind of a jerk. I’m very nervous/excited to get Busukaboo and Flammie and hope they’ll be as much fun now as they were then. And the whole world is so damn pretty, I’m just glad to be there. 

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the music. I’m not sure how much of a hand Hiroki Kikuta actually had in this remake, but the synth-orchestral arrangements of his originals are excellent so far. They’re both accessible/adaptable to the game’s sudden scene transitions (”Nuclear Fusion” starts and ends just as cleanly) while being a richer version of the themes, keeping close to the original sound while making better use of all the instruments that the SNES just wasn’t capable of emulating well. It blends very well with the rest of the game and I hope that continues to be true. 

I do have nitpicks; while I know it’s a popular mechanic, I don’t like the “shift-lock” sort of dash using the left analog stick as both directional and a button. I think the camera controls are solid, but I do wish there wan a toggle-option to have the camera just follow over your shoulder wherever you run until you either run into a battle or turn it off. The character models don’t seem especially affected by anything except the most intense/pervasive lighting and sometimes feel oddly out of place, like I’m watching one of those old movies where an animated character comes into the Real World. Some of the monster designs seem cute-ified more than I’d like. And I can’t help but think that if the game can be this nice as a third-tier title for SE, what could it have been if they’d but the resources behind it that they obviously did with FF7? I understand why they didn’t, but it’s hard not to wonder what it could have been if they had.  Seiken Densetsu is one of the most fraught series in the history of home video games and the fact that it’s even still around is something of a miracle, in my opinion. After the last...four?...titles following Legend of Mana, and the disappointment that was SD2′s (second!) remake, I really didn’t go into Trials of Mana with high hopes. I have been really, honestly pleasantly surprised. Even if you’re a diehard old-schooler who really doesn’t like modern JRPGs, if you have any nostalgia left for this series, you should give this one a go. I think it translated really well to 3D models, and what little it loses in the switch, it makes up for in playability. It’s not hard to pick up, it’s easy on the eyes and ears, it’s less grind-y than the original, and it doesn’t try to be more than what it is. I’ll probably always prefer the original, of course; there are too many memories attached to it for me, too many things that were groundbreaking at the time that are now old news or completely obsolete nowadays, and the new game certainly doesn’t push any modern boundaries. But it’s worth checking out, and especially if you’ve spent 20 years feeling let down by the Mana series, this might actually be the game you were hoping for, albeit maybe a decade late. 

[riveroverthesky]

I don’t hate BBC’s Dracula as much as some people do, but even I can’t defend its many flaws. Mostly because “the whole is not as good as the sum of its parts.” 

Claes Band is terrific casting for the role of Count Dracula, and Dolly Wells is great in the role of Van Helsing. I love that there is an adaption of Dracula where Jonathan Harker is not killed off within the first few minutes, and Mina is not Dracula’s reincarnated love interest for once. If anything, Jonathan has a more meaningful relationship to Dracula as the vampire slowly drains him of his blood, gaining both his memories and English characteristics. Combine that with the disturbing reinterpretation of the brides and Dracula calling Jonathan, “his finest bride”, (I don’t care what Moffatt says, there is no heterosexual explanation for that line.) they have a very complex relationship.

I like the direction they took with Jonathan’s character, essentially merging him and Renfield together so he has a more compelling character arc as Dracula breaks him down both mentally and physically over the course of his stay. I like the “there is no baby” scene. I like it when Dracula takes Jonathan to the roof and they have this little exchange about the sun and how well it’s shot.

I love the intrigue behind why Dracula cannot bare the sight of the cross if he himself does not fear god. The confrontation between him and Agatha Van Helsing at the gate where she delivers this wonderful speech, which is single handily the best line delivered in the entire mini series. And their wonderful chemistry.

The murder mystery on the boat where Dracula is messing with the other passengers’ heads is a delight to watch, even if you know how it ends. They’re all distinct and stand out from each other. The boy who steals the identity of Piotr so he can be granted passage on the ship and his friendship with the cook. The scientist and his mute daughter who have a history with vampires. The bride who is blissfully unaware that her husband married her out of necessity and is actually in love with another man. The Duchess in particular has a wonderful scene with the Count who knew her when she was just a young girl, and the way he interacts with her is beautifully cruel. I like how Captain Sokolov grows fond of Agatha and chooses to stay by her side on the ship even though it means dying (these two give me so many platonic feels. Why does no one talk about them more? Jonathan Aris is such an underappreciated actor).

There are so many good things scattered about in these first two episodes alone, and I am willing to overlook its many flaws for the sake of these characters. But unfortunately there is just too much nonsense happening plot wise that ruins it for me.

And for me personally, it all started going down hill when Dracula caught up to Jonathan at the Convent. Agatha Van Hellsing shines in every scene she is in, and the standoff between her and Dracula at the gate is well performed, but the transition from Dracula chasing Jonathan, to becoming hyper fixated on Agatha happens far too quickly. The moment Dracula tastes her blood he sets his sights solely on her and when he finally reunites with Jonathan, he has completely given up on him and agrees to kill the man if he grants Dracula invitation to the convent.

This is disappointing narratively speaking as we were told just a couple of scenes earlier how immured Dracula is with Jonathan’s transformation, keeping his soul and mind intact whereas the other brides turned into feral beasts. Jonathan is his first, and only, successful experiment, so he should be doing everything in his power to keep Jonathan by his side. There should have been an additional scene, or a whole episode, dedicated to Dracula delving into the mystery behind Agatha and giving up on Jonathan who would rather die than become a vampire. But as it stands the transition happens far too quickly to be believable.

Mina Harker, who is a well written character in the original books, with a clear head and strong drive, and usually one of the best adapted characters when moved from paper to the screen, is heavily underutilized in this series and given very little to do. Granted, she holds off Jonathan’s blood lust and vows vengeance on Dracula for what he did to her fiance, but she’s shoved right out of the plot by the end of the first episode and never mentioned again. This should have been the beginning of her character arc and personal feud with Dracula, but he barely gives her a second thought before telling her to get off the stage. Why even let her live is she never comes back?

And unfortunately, Agatha is not given the screen time she deserves either, despite being the true hero of the story and the counteractive force to Dracula. She’s present in all three episode (technically) but the show never grants her the opportunity to step up and take the plate as the leading heroine. In every scene she’s in she holds your attention and can carry a plot, but there is never a clear transition to her becoming the main character. Episode 1 is Jonathan’s story; he is narrating his tale to Agatha and it is his personal struggles we are following. Whereas Agatha is the supporting character who keeps him focused and rallies up the Sisters when they are in danger. Her role is to assist the characters around her, not enhance her own story.

In episode 2, it is Dracula telling the tale of his voyage to England to Agatha, who provides occasional snark here and there, but is otherwise not connected to what is going on until the third act where Dracula tries to frame her as the murderer for the deaths of the other passengers.

In both cases she is the driving force of the third act, having just enough knowledge of Vampire lore to stay one step ahead of Dracula and keep him at bay as she leads the other characters to safety. Her strengths are fully utilized in both episodes and its clear from her performance alone she is Dracula’s only equal. but because she sits on the sidelines until the third act its too little too late. Then the story shifts to the modern day and it is up to Agatha’s descendant to continue what she started. Essentially rebooting the character and having to introduce a new hero to battle Dracula in the final episode (its the same bloody actress!).

If the first episode belongs to Jonathan, and the second episode belongs to Dracula, the final episode should have been Agatha’s. And it wasn’t. Which is disappointing.

The mini-series should have ended with Dracula waking up to a modern London and having “The Dark Compass” be the season 2 premiere if the series got green lit for a second season. Wrapping up a nice self contained story, but leaving it open ended for fans who may be interested to see what new trials await Dracula in the 21st century and introducing modern versions of Steward, Lucy, Quincy, and the rest of the original cast to continue the fight.

I don’t blame anyone for hating the final episode. It’s a drastic change from what we were used to and can come across as whiplash for some viewers with the shift in direction. Many of the characters were not given the chance to shine and some characters were cut out completely. For how long each episode is the mini-series felt rushed and needed more time to explore the ideas and themes it set up. But I still love the parts they got right. Even if I don’t enjoy the series as a whole.

[raywritesthings]

It is interesting that you can write 10 so well considering the way you feel about him. I understand what you mean, I do, but I think there’s more going on there and 10 is my favorite in part because he has such a depth, hurt and real emotions to him, even that he hurts others (and he does). I can’t stand 12 see him as almost evil. SoI get it! I just wanna say you have mad skills to be able to write him despite your feelings. So please don’t take this the wrong way. I couldn’t write 12. No way!

Anonymous said:Whoops, I didn’t realize there was a bit of an argument going on when I sent that last comment. I was just replying to your post about shipping 10 and Donna but not liking 10 outside of series 4! Definitely didn’t mean to get into anything here... Sorry! You can just ignore me. Lol.

Haha, no it’s okay. I think the debate has blown over. And sorry if it seems like I was ignoring this; I was just celebrating my birthday yesterday and didn’t have time to get on my laptop to properly reply. And it’s probably gonna be long (sorry) so the rest of this is gonna go under a cut. Read more if you all wanna know some of my thoughts on Ten, otherwise feel free to skip.

Firstly, I want to thank you for the compliment. Regardless of how I feel about a particular character, when I sit down and write them I try to get into their head and into what they’re thinking and do it from their point of view. Now, I don’t always agree with what they think/feel/do in the story, but I present it as logically as I can.

My frustration with Ten specifically is that, while David Tennant put so much into the character and RTD clearly had certain character beats or threads he wanted to explore - they’re never really given their proper due in the narrative. 

Like, there’s this idea there that he and Rose are too reckless/careless in series 2, a bit too arrogant and uncaring of how their actions impact others (we see it specifically with Mickey and Jackie), and that it leads to the creation of an organization bent on stopping the Doctor (even though Rose was the one ceaseless bugging Victoria, but I digress). Here’s the thing, though: the initial plan for Tooth and Claw was for them to accidentally get Queen Victoria killed, thus altering/damaging history. Real consequences, not just a single moment where we see Jackie sad in the Elton episode, or Rose admitting for one second that they take Mickey for granted right before we say bye to him in the parallel world (for the time being). But without that plot, a majority of the audience completely misses that idea. Series 2 is considered the “good times” for Ten, where everything was right and nothing bad had happened yet. Never mind that there was plenty wrong with him already.

“Don’t you think she looks tired?” With one bit of misogynistic language, he topples the government that was supposed to usher in a Golden Age according to his previous incarnation. Into the power vacuum steps the Master. There’s this repeating theme that the Tenth Doctor creates his own worst problems, but it’s never really crystallized in the narrative. Again, I read that RTD was planning to emphasize that, but never quite got around to it.

On the other hand, the narrative has no problem shifting blame off of him wherever possible. “Then what happens next is your own doing,” he tells the Racnoss Empress before pressing a button he knows will drown all of her children. “You make me this,” he says to Miss Hartigan before destroying her and the other Cybermen. It doesn’t exactly matter that they’re evil; he’s still blaming the victim of his actions for causing his actions in the first place, rather than taking ownership of them. And other characters do it for him, too! “Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.” “The Doctor is worth the monsters.” “He’s like fire.” Like it’s just a natural thing that he can’t help it if you get hurt, when there are absolutely things he could be doing to mitigate the damage he causes, he just doesn’t. And almost nobody holds him accountable, at least not successfully.

Almost nobody - enter Donna Noble.

Donna was the best thing to ever happen to the Tenth Doctor’s character. I’ll be honest with you, I got into the show a bit late. DT was already gone, so I went back to watch his stuff after watching most of the Matt Smith era (what had aired of it at the time). A friend had told me to skip Rose, so I started right in on the Runaway Bride. Then, because I didn’t want to wait for more Donna, I skipped right over series 3 and went straight into 4. And here’s the thing; I genuinely liked his Doctor. I was enjoying it. Imagine when I then went back for series 3 and got to see what an asshole he’d been for an entire series to Martha. And then peeked back at series 2 to see if it was a fluke only to discover even more I found distasteful.

It was like night and day! He’s quite simply a different character around Donna. That’s the only real way I can explain it. Part of it just has to do with the Runaway Bride. It is so important to their development as characters and as a relationship. Because they see each other at their absolute worst - and there’s no hiding that. There’s really no excuses for it. Donna knows exactly what he is capable of - and demands better. Won’t take no for an answer. And because he wants to impress her, wants her to like him, he delivers. That’s simply it. He cares about her opinion of him in a way that he didn’t care about what Martha thought. He wanted Martha around, but he felt he had free license to lash out and give her as much hell as he liked until she refused to take it anymore.

People like to say he’s grieving in series 3. Okay, I get it’s fine to have emotions and feel sad and miss someone. That doesn’t give him a pass to treat the people around him - people he invites into his life - like dirt. And yet, he’s largely left off the hook for that. Martha gets her goodbye speech, and Ten admits to Donna in Partners in Crime that what happened “was all my fault”, but by the Sontaran Stratagem notice how the narrative has shifted what that means. What happened is no longer “I made Martha feel unwelcome and like she didn’t matter as much as other people for an entire year (or two)” and is instead “I taught Martha how to fight and she became a soldier”. Because it’s no fun acknowledging that your main character - the through-line for most of RTD’s era - was kind of an abusive friend.

The Tenth Doctor to me is a Byronic Hero in the worst sense. Broodingly handsome and haunted by the things he’s done in the past, meant for girls to swoon over and tolerate how he treats them because he’s in pain. But Donna doesn’t give any of that nonsense the time of day, and that’s why he had to change so much in series 4. The few times he slips back into it, she’s there to pull him out or flat-out tell him “I think you’re wrong”. If he had grown out of that Byronic phase of his life, if the series 4 him had remained for the rest of his run, I might have found his character alright. There was an arc there, and he learned something and improved.

But instead, with Journey’s End, all the good is undone. He lobotomizes Donna. Full-stop. Sends Rose away with his clone and doesn’t tell anyone else what’s going to happen or that he’ll be alone, because he knows what’s best for all of them and this has to be the way. I think he likes being that tragic figure a little too much. He enjoys blaming all of his woes on inevitability and “the curse of the Time Lords”. It’s nice to have a scapegoat for all his wrongs. (Isn’t it so convenient, that Dalek Caan prophecy which declares the metacrisis “destiny”? Almost like it’s not the Doctor’s fault for leaving his hand lying around chock full of regeneration energy for anyone to touch. It simply had to happen, completely out of his control. It’s not his fault, isn’t that nice?) And then he’s killing Miss Hartigan like he did the Racnoss Empress, he’s turning down Christina because he’s meant to be alone~, he’s fighting time itself in Waters of Mars.

Sidenote, I hate the whole Time Lord Victorious title-y thing. You know why? Cause it lets the narrative push the blame again. It’s treated like this separate persona, what he ‘almost became’ - bullshit. That was the Tenth Doctor. He did those things. He spiraled out of control. The only reason he stopped was because a woman put a bullet in her head. He thinks the Ood is there to signal his death at the end and to be honest, I agreed with him. He deserved to die there.

When it came down to the Tenth Doctor’s actual final episode, RTD had to make a choice between a big, bombastic finale and a quieter, personal one. He went with the first option; had to send his hero out with a proper swan song, right? But the quiet finale I feel had much more potential to do something good to his character. Nobody watches the End of Time now for the plot - they watch it for those quiet scenes between him and Wilf, where he finally starts to admit his failings and owns up to them. It is beautifully tragic, and rightly so. The Tenth Doctor is a mass of contradiction and complexity, and I can absolutely respect people who find value in that and consider him their favorite character. My issue stems with the way the narrative chose not to properly interact with that complexity. I have an issue with characters who get off scot-free while others are held accountable in the same narrative. It bothers me. The hypocrisy in the writing there feels like an injustice. It also doesn’t help that I think any and all Byronic Heroes can go step off the nearest cliff and stop bothering women who would be much better off without them.

So I think if I tried to write him outside of that series 4 bubble (excepting some kind of post-Journey’s End fixit or, possibly, something to do with Sarah Jane because she’s about the only other character who made him likable to me), you would see a much harsher take on him. I would write as fairly as I write any character I dislike, but I would hold him accountable where the show did not. I don’t know if that counts as bashing or not. To me, it’s honesty.

I think the reason I’m much more receptive to Twelve than you are is because I feel he does learn and improve from his initial beginnings. I’ve never managed to finish series 8. Believe me, I get it, it’s sometimes painful to sit and watch how he treats the people around him in those early episodes. But, if you haven’t done it, I would recommend skipping ahead and giving series 10 a try. Because to me, that is the proof that he learned, in a way Ten was never allowed to because RTD was determined to have his “tragic hero” ending. Certainly Twelve is not perfect (no Doctor is), but I would take his interactions with Bill Potts over series 2, 3, and the Specials any day.

So, if you read this far, again thanks very much for the compliment and for giving me the opportunity to expand on my Ten thoughts. I hope I didn’t offend, as I know it’s no fun to read criticisms of a favorite character, and I hope I continue to write him well for you!

[oosteven-universe]

Suicide Jockeys #2

Suicide Jockeys #2 Half Evil Comics/Rising Spirit Entertainment/Source Point Press 2021 Written by Rylend Grant Illustrated by Davi Leon Dias Coloured by Iwan Joko Triyono Lettered by HdE    After learning that his lost love might still be alive, adrift somewhere in the vast ocean of space and time, Denver Wallace must convince his estranged team to set aside years of bad blood, saddle up, and bring her back home. Also, there's a pretty funny reality show subplot, a panel where a dog takes a massive dump, and you know... plenty of cool monster-fighting stuff.    The opening here is utterly fantastic and it really has a nice impact on the reader as it recaps a reality that may or may not have been for the Jockeys.  This does a nice segway into the story itself where we continue to meet the various Jockeys in the lives they currently live and we start with Rory.  Now why is it that the most difficult one starts things off and takes the longest to resolve?  It really is like this in real life, it’s the one you dread the most but try to contact first because you just know a headache is involved.  Also these television folks yeah they are as superficial as they come and I feel like they are as fake as canned laughter.    I’m completely into the way that this is being told.  The story & plot development that we see through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is impeccably rendered.  The character development that we see through the narration, the dialogue, the character interaction as well as how we see them act and react to the situations and circumstances which they encounter.  This brings their personalities to the forefront and a hell of a lot of hostility to boot.  The pacing is excellent and as it5 takes us through the pages revealing more of the story we’re drawn deeper into this.    I am very much enjoying the way that we see this being structured and how the layers within the story continue to emerge, grow, evolve and strengthen.  What I love seeing is the layers opening up new avenues that may or may not be explored to go with those that have been already opened and being explored, it’s like a tree branching off and these all add such depth, dimension and complexity to the story.  The way we see everything working together to create the story’s ebb & flow as well as how it moves the story forward is immaculately achieved.    The interiors here are really rather very solid.  The linework that we see is clean, crisp and strong and with the varying weights and techniques being utilised to create the detail work that we see is amazingly well rendered.  I like it more when we see backgrounds being utilised than not, though the crosshatching and other techniques being utilised do make it look better than pure blank space.  The way they enhance and expand the moments is beautifully done.  How we see them work within the composition of the panels to bring out the depth perception, sense of scale and the overall sense of size and scope to the story.  The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show a remarkably strong eye for storytelling.  The various hues and tones within the colours being utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work shows a great understanding of how colour works. ​    The group dynamics here are absolutely fascinating and if I were a psychology student I could graduate writing a thesis paper on them.  They are that complex, angry, driven and trusting and there is this hatred and I’m pretty sure it’s pure hatred running through some of them and love, deep rooted love among them no matter how much they think otherwise.  This is a bloody brilliant book with so much depth and complexity in the characterisation alone which showcases how well this is actually being written.  Then with these stellar interiors bringing it to life there’s no excuse for you to be missing out on this series. 

[enbyflock2]

The Voices from Religion

CW: body dysphoria, family trauma and abuse, transphobia, homophobia

She came up to me after I finished playing guitar. I had been playing in music ministry almost every Sunday with that same group. She was crying. I hugged her, confused. She thanked me, and said, “Oh my God, it’s you.”

She was my Kindermusic teacher. A year ago, I played the Star Spangled Banner for the Rocking on the River festival. My guitar playing was inappropriate, as Joni Mitchell inspired my soft folk style, and the audience preferred the hard rock of ZZ Top. She was in the audience though.

This woman had cerebral palsy, and was well known as a professional violinist in my hometown. Rarely someone that would come to church because of her condition, she happened to show up that day. 

The tears started for two different reasons. A stranger at church mocked and shunned her for the way she dressed. She was in all-black, sloppy clothes, as her condition made it a struggle to take extra time to dress formally. She sat through that service and started crying, because she was distraught from that hostility, but also found solace through the realization it was me playing so beautifully. Being someone that struggled with vision, she couldn’t see me, but she completely heard and remembered my guitar style from a year ago.

Years later in college, I came home for winter break. My mother, whom I never got along with, said for the first time, “I’m just praying that someday… you will marry a woman.” After my anger ensued, she proclaimed self-righteously, “I. Want. Grandchildren.” I didn’t sleep that night.

The next morning, I talked to the priest from my hometown. He said, “You can’t do that as a Catholic. Praying away the gay.” “I would keep talking and bringing up this conversation to your parents, until it makes them sick.” “God made us this way. Don’t ever forget it.”

Later I discovered my trans identity. My parents found out about my advocacy and openness on the Internet. I met with them in a hotel room, and informed them beforehand: This is a highly sensitive subject. We go by these basic rules of treating each other with decency and respect. Otherwise the results will not be pretty.

Immediately my mom broke those rules, and we both turn feral. Threatened me for using her financial help for advocating for others and myself. Called me mentally disordered and close-minded, and my queer support net (which includes queer college professors) the same. Slapped my face, screaming, “I hope you rot.” (A quick and bitter, “See you in hell, hypocrite,” with a wink as my retort.)

My dad took the higher route after mom stormed out of the room. Listened to me, and how this gender identity affected my life. Let me describe my mental struggles, wrote down terms he never heard before, and sometimes asked politely for clarification. All with patience. Ended it with, “We can leave it here for now.”

Both of my parents are devout Catholics. I was a practicing Catholic until shortly after turning 21, when I decided I was done with church. I have no regrets leaving it behind.

I remember the exchanges I had while settling on this decision. The argument I was having with my parents over being gay. How they always talked down to me about how I’d figure myself out eventually. Voices from years of rejection and redirection, surrounding my lack of ability to conform to gender norms. “We know you better than you know yourself, and you’ll figure it out.”

My understanding of my identity as non-binary and genderqueer arose from a similar framework of those many moments in my past experiences with Catholic religion. I only kept up with church for such a long time because of those vulnerable and kind exchanges, such as from my Kindermusic teacher with cerebral palsy.

But eventually I was challenged with grasping this sharp divide in characters from my past church communities. How can someone like my Kindermusic teacher, the priest, and my father possibly be under the same belief system of that mocking stranger and my mother? The former saw potential direct identity conflicts, and worked either around the identity through other points of convergence, or beyond: by both seeing the identity as being interwoven with their other identities and seeing the person holistically as a human being. The latter saw potential direct identity conflicts, and either struggled with, refused, or rejected working around or beyond, ultimately viewing the person as degenerate.

Every time I try to trace my roots and collected moments of disconnect from being assigned male at birth, I sense those toxic voices of the mocking stranger and my mother. When I occasionally experience dysphoria now, I hear the voices surrounding those internalized inabilities to see around and beyond certain identities of mine.

At my worst, I’d fall into moments where my perception of my body pointed anywhere: “male,” “female,” neuter, androgynous. And I traced the disconnect from how I struggled with seeing beyond my gay sexuality and how this was an integral part of my being. I’m brought back to that adolescent in puberty feeling unsure if no one else loved and dreamed like me in my hometown reality of masculinity, and how I then felt panic in the uncertainty if my growth and shape was natural and pleasurable.

I traced the disconnect from how I struggled with seeing beyond my musical identity and the great potential I had. I’m brought back to that learning musician with so much body tension in the practice and performance spaces, struggling to breathe emotion into my technique under the guise of falsely performing masculinity.

I traced the disconnect back to how I couldn’t see beyond what all those early childhood psychological tests really meant. I’m brought back to that person that never saw themself becoming a school teacher, as I had no men or women to compare my strange learning development with.

I had a yearlong period between my end with Catholic faith and the start of exploring my gender. This period was when I was sinking the most in those voices. But after I explored my gender, it assured me how right my decision was to leave. I was so sheltered with Catholic religion that I wrongly assumed church communities were the only places with this sharp divide in characters, and that I just had to face the radically kind and vulnerable with those dehumanizing others. Then I adjusted my lenses to the framework of my gender, and discovered my whole identity grew from those conflicting social forces in my whole world, everywhere.

The dehumanizing side to my background in gender identity was how my sexual, musical, and psychosocial identities couldn’t breathe or earn validation in my past realities of masculinity, and how this ensued such intense distance from my body. Then the act of exploring gender brought into scope those life experiences of the radically kind and vulnerable. First intimacies with a gay man, bringing me assurance my growth and shape was natural. Finally feeling my body and emotions engaging in the practicing and performance space, through the guidance of music teachers that always believed in me. And facing the possibility that I am neurodivergent, but my mind is worthy and capable of education in music, advocacy, and story telling.

Those life experiences are what help me run quickly through that intense distance from my body. I come back satisfied, pleased, joyous, and lucky with how I am already. I also come back knowing I can never label this body as man or woman because of this horrific disconnect. But I can always call this body one of a person, who makes the best of what life, luck, and privileges has given them.

Sorting through my problems with gender helped me to notice the sharp social divides in Catholic Church climate as a microcosm of our current political climate. We are living under the Trump presidency and the pinnacle of white supremacy and American Fascism, with anyone empathetic or complacent to the cause only observing direct identity conflicts, and lacking ability to see around or beyond.

I know the sad reality of how there is limited to no amount of time to teach those inciting violence in support of Trump. Observing my conservative hometown, certain crowds of people that fear marginalized identities had years of structural socialization informing and shaping this fear, as deep and complex as patriarchal religious organizations themselves. The pressing question is where that point in time is; where an inability to see above or beyond direct identity finally forms and holds firmly, and if it’s ever too late to undo and dismantle those biases? I don’t have a clear answer to this, either personally or politically.

But what I do know is how fortunate I am to be going into a career where I will be given time and influence to undo and dismantle those biases, in myself and my students. I’m down the path to becoming an educator. My dreams include becoming a high school band teacher, private lesson instructor, music performer, a leader in smaller organizations associated with National Foundation for Music Education (NAfME), and a queer advocate. I notice how I was able to find community and connections with places and people that I was told I should have been disconnected from as a trans person, (including my past religious communities.) I feel my ability of reconnection with people even in my understanding of my own gender identity. Now I have to hold myself accountable with the privileges that made developing this ability possible in the first place. I know it can be done through grounding myself in the voices that supported my growth in identities, and remembering their perspectives as a guide.

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Haley you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Cassius Mulciber!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

We’re so happy to see you back in the rp Haley! You’ve always played Cassius beautifully and written out his various complexities -- as your app definitely explores once more and makes exceptionally clear. It’ll be so nice to see him on the dash again, and I know a lot of people will be so excited that you decided to rejoin so soon! Hopefully, you’ve found a reignited muse for him and be able to fully dive into his development! *your fc change to Chris Wood has been accepted

application beneath the cut; tw: torture, murder, death, blood (in para sample)

OUT OF CHARACTER

♔ INTRODUCTION

Haley, 20, She/Her, EST- United States

♔ ACTIVITY

I’m employed and a part time student but despite those things I have a fair amount of free time which I didn’t expect when school started. 7/10.

♔ TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

♔ HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I mean, I was here and then left because of muse issues, after I left my muse returned and with a bit of editing I’ve got the muse flowing strongly again.

♔ HOW ARE YOU?

Tired, but otherwise good.

♔ WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?:

Remus and Sirius, I truly identify with them both equally. I’ve always been the weird, quiet kid who seemed too secretive and was bullied. But I also am a rebel who eventually learned how to stand up for myself and others. I’m like the stereotypical parts of both their characters combined.

♔ TELL US SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF:

The very identifying things you should know: I am a Scorpio, INFJ, Slytherin, and Horned Serpent. I will fight for the oxford comma. I have been roleplaying on tumblr for roughly six years. Total I’ve been roleplaying about eight years. I am going to school for Agriculture with an emphasis in Animal Science and my life dream at the moment is to move to either Washington State or New Zealand and start my own farm while also working in conservation.

♔ ANYTHING ELSE?

How are you?

IN CHARACTER

♔ DESIRED CHARACTER

Cassius Mulciber

♔ FACE CLAIM

I want to switch him back to Chris Wood, but if you’d rather leave him as Zane Holtz that’s fine too.

♔ REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I used to love writing the anti-hero or heroic characters who did horrible things for good reasons. In recent months I have found a new love in writing darker characters. There’s a certain power in a character who has no morals. He would slit a man’s throat and then fuck someone next to his corpse without a second thought. He has no boundaries. There are no lines he won’t cross. The things he does, he does for himself. He’s a Death Eater but I believe he made the decision to join the group because of what they do, not who they follow. I will play him more in that light than as if he was another completely blind follower of Voldemort.

Previously I said that Cassius is both perfect for me as a character and challenging. I’ve fallen into a rut of writing characters who have low self esteem and mostly hate themselves, but Cassius is vain and that single aspect of his personality is going to be a fun challenge for me to work through. His determination, pragmatism, and ferocity fits perfectly into what I’m used to writing. However, now having written him before, I already have a solid hold on who he is as a character

All of that is from previous applications but to add to it… Whenever I read other people’s replies to my son I get like butterflies in my stomach and it’s a nervous excitedness every time. I realized even after leaving the group I got excited to talk about threads and talk about the group and I knew immediately that leaving had been a mistake. Leaving reminded me of all the reasons I was here to start with, not all of them are about Cassius per say but still.

♔ PREFERRED SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

I have no specific anti-ships and the only ship I have is Cassius and Augustus, but chemistry is the biggest thing for me. Because he’s a purist he wouldn’t be with anyone who wasn’t pure blooded. He also wouldn’t be quick to jump into a relationship. He’s generally more of a one night stand type person, however, he develops attachments to people and will continue having a friendly/sexual relation with them. Whenever things get to serious though, he backs off.

As far as sexuality, he is pansexual. He doesn’t care what genitals a person has or how they identify themselves, what he cares about is if the person is attractive and if they interest him. His pronouns are he/him, if you can’t tell by my extensive use of them already in this application haha.

♔ CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Here is the link to my original Cassius blog.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“I want a spell that causes people to drop their guard. I’m sure there are a multitude of potions that do the same thing, but I’ve always been bad with potions. A spell would be so much more convenient. The spell itself would be “fiduciam” which is Latin for trust.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Augustus Rookwood, he’s the only person I would trust to be alone in the forest with me. As for the object, I know it may sound odd but I would take a gun. They’re surprisingly useful considering they’re muggle made.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Decisions that revolve around my emotions. Some choices are easy, they’re clear and precise and the logical answer seems almost the only answer. As soon as the heart is involved, however, it becomes difficult to decide because no matter what the logical answer is, it’s hard to hurt yourself to do what needs to be done.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“That I was weak. I am many things but weak is not and will never be one of them.”

WRITING SAMPLE

July 3rd, 1974

Cassius stood in the frigid night air, waiting for his father to join him just outside the Mulciber Estate property line. He knew this was death eater business, but beyond that he didn’t know anything about what they were doing that night. His father had made promise after promise that they would soon take the required steps for Cassius to receive his dark mark, but so far they had done nothing. Eyes focused on the stars in the sky above him, he didn’t hear Gerard Mulciber walk up behind him and the hand placed on his shoulder caused him to jump slightly. Thankfully his father’s grip on his shoulder was tight as he apparated the both of them away from their estate.

The dark alleyway formed around them, coming into focus as they reached their destination. Gerard turned, walking through a doorway hidden by magic, he absorbed into the brick the way students did as they raced to board the Hogwarts Express. Cassius followed behind him, pulling his wand from his pocket just in case he had occasion to use it. As he emerged into the room he was taken aback by the sight before him. The girl magically bound and gagged in a chair at the center of the room caught his attention first, but it didn’t take long for him to notice the masked figures that lined the walls. Their dark cloaks pulled heavily towards the ground, eerily quiet as they remained still and unmoving, no rustling to be heard. Cassius suddenly felt tiny, insignificant, he felt surrounded and closed in, despite the fact that there were only three death eaters in the room, including his father.

“What is this?” He said with an angry glance towards Gerard.

A stinging pain ran through his head as Gerard smacked him on the back of his skull. “The fact that you’re too idiotic to figure it out on your own should be the first sign that you’re unworthy of the mark. Unfortunately, they don’t agree,” Gerard spat angrily, gesturing towards the death eaters who stood around them. Cassius’ eyes traced around each figure trying to identify any of them, but he couldn’t. A hand gently rested against his back, the feeling was almost as shocking as the smack had been. “The girl,” his father said as he gestured towards the poor girl in the middle of the room, “she’s a muggleborn, so are her siblings.” As if on cue a large cloaked and masked death eater walked through the door, a young girl on his left and a boy on his right, neither could be older than eight. “You’re going to kill her in front of them.”

Cassius’ blood ran cold and he couldn’t stop the chills that ran across his skin. He’d done many terrible things while at Hogwarts but murder was not anywhere on that list. “I know this is supposed to be a challenge for me but shouldn’t I be allowed to decide what I do? Since the whole point is for me to prove myself?” His voice was shakier than he anticipated, but he just hoped his father wouldn’t take notice.

“Fine, do what you want, but the end result must be the same. The girl will die and you will be the cause.” Gerard shoved his son forward viciously, forcing him towards the girl.

Cassius tightened his grip on his wand, acting as if all of this was perfectly normal. He couldn’t show weakness, couldn’t show how terrified he was. There had to be a way for him to do this and flaunt his strength while trying to keep calm. He took a calming breath before allowing the incantation to slip from his lips. “Imperio,” the familiar spell came out easily, the motions flowing through his wrist naturally. It was a spell he had used often at Hogwarts during his free time. The unforgivable curse canceled out the weaker spells that bound her to the chair and Cassius watch with satisfaction as the girl rose from her seat and walked over to stand in front of him. He pulled a small folding knife from his pocket and gave it to her before forcing her to turn and move to her siblings’ side. She moved the knife to rest against the other girl’s throat.

For a moment, Cassius felt guilty. How could he do this? How could he force someone to kill their sister? But he knew he had no choice. Trying not to linger on bad thoughts he flicked his wand and the girl dragged the knife across her sister’s throat. She crumpled to the ground hands around her throat but he didn’t dwell on her despite the fact that she would live for the next several minutes. Moving his puppet over to stand in front of the boy, he had her drop the knife and pull out her wand. With the tip pressed against her brother’s chest, it didn’t take a genius to know what he would do next. As the killing curse slid from the girl’s mouth, a flash of green lit the room and the boy collapsed onto the ground. Cassius felt disgusted with himself. He was dizzy and ill and didn’t know if he was going to make it through this without being sick.

He pushed his illness aside, knowing he still had to kill the girl. He had to get creative, no simple killing curse was going to satisfy these men. They wouldn’t accept the same method of killing twice. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he forced her to turn her wand on herself a small incantation falling from her lips. “Incendio.” As the flames quickly engulfed her body, Cassius realized this had been a mistake. Her screams filled the small room drowning out all other sound and thought. Quietly, praying his father wouldn’t hear him, he hissed out the killing curse, the flash of green hidden within the flames. Her body dropped to the floor and he flicked his wrist, putting out the flames.

“It’s done.” It had lasted no longer than two minutes, but he felt like it had been a lifetime.

Without comment or even gesture, all the death eaters apparated from the room, apparating the bodies away with them. Cassius was left standing alone in the empty room with his father. Pride and excitement filled his chest. Was that it? Had he passed their tests? Did he get to be a death eater now? As he turned to face Gerard, his stomach dropped, dread and panic replacing his earlier emotions. Gerard glared down at him, anger and disappointment painting his features. “You didn’t kill anyone. She did and when you finally had the balls to kill her it was only to put her out of her misery. You are pathetic and weak. If it were up to me I would never make you a death eater.” Cassius kept his mouth shut allowing his father to finish. “You had better promise me that from now on you’ll kill without mercy and without fear. Otherwise, you will have something new to fear.”

Swallowing his pride, Cassius bowed his head slightly, “I promise, Father.” Little did he know that promise was going to haunt him for years to come.

[thetaekswoon]

BTS Jimin | Dreamworld AU

This is weird, like weird weird and I don’t even know if this can be even called a crack fic.  Basically it’s a bunch of weirdness and it’s weirdly written, but if you follow along closely you might be able to understand it.  Anyway tbh I kinda think it’s shit, but I worked too long on this to never share it.  Give it a whirl.

Word Count: 3355+

Jimin:

Your dreamworld is not an actual place you go to when you dream, or even a place you go to when you are awake and your thoughts have begun to drift off...

it is not a real place or a place that only exists in your imagination, it just is

and what the dreamworld is is simply impossible to explain, it exists but not really and only you can go there but sometimes things can come back, usually good things, but one can never be sure.

Getting there is like walking into a mirror or passing through a glass pane.  It’s ghostly.

because of the dreamworld’s complexity I’ll leave it as this, it’s a getaway, a place that is both good and bad, that technically is not a dream but it is not a physical place, and the people that live there are strange, odd and occasionally products of your imagination.

You first found yourself in the dreamworld when you were 6 years old.  The dream world can look the same as the real world if you don’t know how to manipulate it so at first you don’t notice that you are no longer in the playground as usual.

See, it looks like you are in the playground, but nobody else is there, the place is completely desolate and the clouds in the sky always look like storm clouds but rain never comes.

 The shovel that you are using to dig in the sand with was yellow in the real world, but here in the dreamworld it is the color of blood.

The shovel is how you notice that something is different, and no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to find a way back or how you even got there in the first place.

The dreamworld brings people over whenever it wants, but if you know how to play the system you can pass through the realities with ease. (It takes you almost a decade to master this)

the same thing goes with getting back (this does not take you as long)

The first time you enter the dreamworld it feels like you were there in that playground crying for your mom for hours, maybe even a day, but when you show up back in the real world only minutes have actually passed by.

As scary is it may seem, the uncontrollability of the dreamworld, it is actually a very pleasant place to be, the air there for one is heavier and softer, when you walk it feels like a warm blanket is enveloping you in a hug.

  the food doesn’t have any flavor, so you can get your broccoli in, and the people there always have some interesting to say.

Over the years you’ve heard the strangest wisps of conversation. 

“Can you believe it?  It was raining corn over the corn fields last night!  What a cruel sense of irony.”

“My cousin, yes the oompa loompa one, is visiting next thursday.”

“The town’s water had to be shut off, too many newts in the pipes I suppose.”

Over the years of walking around the dreamworld, exploring it’s luscious valleys and mountains and bays, you keep finding yourself walking back to the playground that you first found yourself in. 

You learn over time that the time you spend in the dreamworld is not direct to the time over in the real world, sometimes you can spend days, weeks or even months in the dreamworld and when you finally come back to reality only several minutes have passed by.

It is particularly useful when you find yourself in boring conversations with your friends or family or even the lousy teacher.

You can just slip away and no one can even tell that you are gone, and when you get back you are refreshed enough to actually make it through the rest of the conversation or it has already ended.

In the dreamworld sometimes the magic and strangeness of things takes on new shapes, distracting the visitor from what is actually happening in the real world.  They drag them further and further into the strangeness of the dreamworld that the dreamworld may soon begin to seem more real and beautiful than what is really out there.

Like how rose bushes have thorns.

but that was never a concern for you.

You were just a child, carefree and invincible to all the wrongness.

You have met many friends during your adventures in the dreamland, 

Namjoon, a boy who keeps his head in a book and enjoys sitting on the beach letting the waves rock the water in circles around him.

Taehyung and Jungkook, two boys you met that like eating worms for breakfast and take bets swimming to the bottom of the bay.

And then most importantly there’s Jimin.

You first met Jimin a few years after you started to find yourself coming to the dreamworld, sometime around the age of 10.

Clearly, you were a child, and Jimin was an adult man, it would have been strange in the real world to find such a friendship, but in the dreamworld strange friendships were nothing unappealing, after all some of the town people have become friends with birds and small insects that follow them around and perch on their clothing,,, some can even talk to them.

In the dreamworld people don’t typically age, and in the rare case they do they do so incredibly slowly or rapidly (fast enough that you can see them grow older as they are sitting in front of you)

He was standing in the playground wearing dull grays and his hair was a light gray as well.

He stared watching you on the swings and at first you didn’t think much of it // sometimes when people die in the dreamworld they become lost in another dreamworld and wander aimlessly until they just disappear never to be seen again 

You’ve seen countless dead fools walking into walls and stumbling into carts.  Zombie brained they were already gone, but at the same time still capable of moving their bodies.

They never speak though.

except, that was not the case with Jimin.  He was staring at the swingset and more specifically you on the swingset because Jimin had a gut feeling that he needed to be here and that you on the swings were also in the right place.  

 , he also liked the way you smelled like honey and mint.

He stared and stared, but also scratched his chin as he stared and thought aloud.

He spoke his thoughts about how he was nervous but at the same time he doesn’t give a crap about nervousness and you’re right there in front of him and he just needs to walk forward about 15 steps and you’ll be right there and you can talk to him, but for some reason he can’t seem to move his feet.

You are sucking on a lollipop on the swing, a choking hazard but no one cared about that in the dreamworld, also your mother wasn’t around to tell you otherwise, and you can hear everything this boy is saying,

,, after all he’s less than 15 feet in front of you, but you stay quiet and listen to his inner dialogue.

(In the dreamworld listening is more important that saying or doing.)

You don’t mind this strange stranger in front of you, talking nonsense about destiny and his lack of courage, but after a while it all becomes very boring and the only reason you come to the dreamworld is to escape boring things.

“I see or rather hear that you are trying to muster up the courage to speak with me, but as you see I have been sitting here waiting for you to speak directly to me for the sums of an hour now, and frankly I am tired and want to go home.  I will be here sometime in the near future if you want to chat.”  You tell him, and then you allow yourself to fade back into reality where you were sitting at the dinner table picking at the peas on your plate.

You finish your dinner with a big bite and then snuggle yourself into bed to fall asleep.

The stranger, Jimin, does as you say and waits for you to come back to the playground, in fact he never leaves the playground he continues to wait even after you have left.

When you do find yourself back in the dreamworld Jimin is there and finally addresses you.

Some how lollipops have materialized in his pockets.

Together you go buy ice cream and even though it has no flavor you eat it together and when it starts dripping down his wrist you don’t waste any time to lick all of the liquid off of his skin.  This was weird even in the dream world, but for some reason it did not turn Jimin away from you and over the years even time you found yourself coming to the dreamworld Jimin was there waiting for you on the swings.

You go on many exciting adventures together.

 Together, you travel through labyrinths and battle ants the size of horses.

you meet interesting characters, like Yoongi the man that enjoys sleeping with a pride of lions on the warm rocks.  The lions have accepted him into their pride and sometimes he’ll lick their fur to cement himself further into the family.

You were about 12 then, and worked your way with Jimin up the ranks in the pride till you could enjoy the countless sunbaths on the rocks like Yoongi had.

,  and Seokjin who when you were about 14 managed to trick you into lending him your time.  He stole several minutes off of your life with the clap of his hands and you never noticed because of how beautifully captivating he was with his face and voice.

even Jimin was tricked.

You travel across seas, crawl into the pages of books so that you are living the lives of the protagonist, and all the while Jimin stayed loyally by your side.

You can truly say your childhood was incredible.

Sometime when you were around the age of 15 you ask him what it is like to not technically be real.

“What do you mean?  Of course I’m real.” he replies.

“No of course I know that, but what is it like to not be from the real world?”

“I suppose strange isn’t a good way to put it.” he says.  “i don’t know, I’ve never known anything otherwise, i guess I can try to say that it feels like I have no boundaries, like I can go and do anything anytime I want, and not things that come with just independence but things like literally jumping from island to island or letting myself grow a tail,

of course those things are ridiculous, I can’t grow a tail just like you, but I have no sense of holding myself back from something.  If I want it I’ll go after it even if it’s super odd.  Like once before we met I travelled the valleys and hills and found this small nest of baby birds, the nest wasn’t actually that small it was more the size of a minivan, and just allowed myself to live with these baby birds.  I guess you can say one of my mothers was a bird.” Jimin tells you.

“That is ridiculous, what did you do when they learned to fly?  You can’t fly. Can you?”

“of course not. Would you believe it if I was able to convince the other birds to carry me through the air?”

You find yourself drifting into the dreamworld more than you may have liked.

You spend almost all of your time there as you grow older, losing all of your friendships in the real world focusing your energy purely on the happenings of the dreamworld and getting to the dreamworld.  On seeing Jimin.

If you probably counted up all the time you’ve spent in the dreamworld it would probably amount to something triple, quadruple your actual lifetime. 

You and Jimin are closer than bread and butter, sugar snap peas.  

You tell each other everything, well... you tell him everything, he doesn’t do anything without you in the dreamworld but wait for you to come back.

You tell him about your family, how ridiculously average and lame they are.  How you got your period for the first time, how you don’t bother having any friends because they’re nothing compared to him.

 no matter how flattered he is by that Jimin always pushed you to make friends, REAL friends he called them.  You even got a boyfriend for a short time because he said it was healthy for you, but you hated every moment of it.

 the boy you had chosen was duller than dull dirt and dull tasteless chicken.  In truth he wasn’t dull by real world standards, you had just spent too much time away to tell the difference.

You found yourself drifting off into the dreamworld in the middle of conversations with him to just get away from him.

Jimin is always there for you on the other side.  

You break this other boy’s heart and you feel nothing.

Jimin always dresses in the same dull gray tones, just like everything else in the dreamworld, but his hair changes shades many times.

at one point it was a bright pink and it reminded you so much of bubblegum that you would try to chew on his hair when he wasn’t looking or paying attention.

and at another point it was orange, and then it was black.

Now, Jimin seems to be sporting a blonde hairdo, his hair is always so soft you can’t help but run your fingers through it on habit.

“Jimin do you ever think about coming with me back to the real world?”  You ask him on a particularly uneventful evening.

He rolls over onto his side to look at you, hand on his cheek, “literally all the time.”

“Then why don’t you?  The real world is spectacularly boring nowadays, no one there is as interesting to talk to.”

He chuckles, rolling over in the grass to face you.  It was a lazy day, just like all the days in the dreamworld, but there was something particularly lazy about this day, so you spent it napping and talking in the grassy valleys.

“Why is that so funny?  We could make a whole life with each other out there, now that I’m older it won’t be so weird won’t it?  We could run away and say that you’re my brother or something.”

“That’s impossible darling,” he tells you.

“What do you mean, I thought that if you tried hard enough you can drift across into reality just like I do?”

“It’s not as easy as that darling,”

,“but-”

“That’s enough!” Jimin snaps. 

You never bring up him coming to the real world again.

However, it is around this time that you start noticing changes in the dreamworld.

You are about 18 and instead of the dreamworld people talking about pure nonsense they don’t seem to talk at all or if they do it’s very hostile and violent.

It rains, it never used to rain.

And Jimin isn’t as friendly anymore, he talks so fast sometimes that you can’t even understand what he is saying, sometimes he’ll just start speaking in another language for hours on end and every time you try and say something about it to him he’ll just answer you with,

“What do you mean you don’t speak Korean/Swahili/Hindi/whatever he seems to be speaking that day?  What are they teaching you in the real world?”  and then just continues rambling in that language.

This goes on for months.

It is not fun in the dreamworld anymore, it’s almost nightmarish, but you don’t have any real connections to the real world so you still find yourself traveling back even when you don’t want to.

Namjoon by the ocean walked into the water and held himself down until he drowned.

The boys who ate worms and laughed and were so nice hanged themselves from the trees on a Tuesday.

There was a boy named Hoseok, a boy that you only met at the markets when he sold pure sugar cane on special occasions... He brought a bomb to the square and set it off for everyone to see.

 as time goes on Jimin becomes more and more agressive, he’ll trip you while you walk on the sidewalk together.  He’ll pinch and pull your hair while he yells and screams and shouts vulgar, untrue things.

He’s suspicious of everything you do.  In and out of the dreamworld.

It’s impossible to trust him anymore with your secrets and jokes and he looks at you like a piece of meat going bad, covered in maggots.

Jimin is scaring you, he has you pushed up against a brick wall that seems to have materialized out of nowhere and no matter what you try you can’t get the bricks behind you to turn into a softer substance or something that will help you escape.

He is screaming at you even though you can’t understand what he is saying (you can’t even tell if it’s another language he’s speaking so fast and loud), holding you by your shoulders and his grip fierce and digging into your flesh.

and you shut your eyes, squeeze them shut because you are afraid and don’t understand what is happening.

Only when you open your eyes do you notice something that you thought would never happen, that he SAID could NEVER happen.

You two are in your room.  Your REAL room.  The room that you have all to yourself in your small studio apartment.  The room that you have in the REAL WORLD.

You gasp out loud, “Jimin did I take us back here?!”  You shout at him.

He doesn’t regard your words for a few minutes as he keeps spitting in your face with his words and saliva. then...

“You could never be strong enough to take us both back.”

“Jimin?  What’s happening.  I thought you said it was impossible?”

“It is, haven’t you been listening to what I tell you?”

His grip on you vanishes just as he, and you notice for the first time ever that Jimin’s scent haunts your apartment more than ever.  You never noticed his scent until now.

Jimin is gone, no longer in front of you and all you can think is that something is wrong, something is so so wrong.

In the dreamworld sometimes the magic and strangeness of things takes on new shapes, distracting the visitor from what is actually happening in the real world.  They drag them further and further into the strangeness of the dreamworld that the dreamworld may soon begin to seem more real and beautiful than what is really out there.

Like how rose bushes have thorns.

After Jimin somehow manages to escape, you are locked out of the dreamworld, not that you would ever want to go back to those distractions.

It takes you a while to pick your life back up inside the real world.  Everything you see and touch feels odd, makes you look twice to see if it’s really there or not.

You never went to college when you were expected to so you set yourself to writing an essay, clueless as to what you should put into it.  It seems like your entire life so far has been an elaborate lie.

, Community college does you well and over time you manage to find yourself settling back into society.  Normal society.

  you get a job at a book manufacturing company.  You submit your drawings and ideas every Friday to a board of directors.

The nights are consistently the worst.

Sometimes it feels like someone is curling up close into your back, if you are quiet enough you can hear them breathing in your ear and it makes you scream.

But it leaves you to wonder...

Was Jimin ever even there?

[idontneedasymbol]

12x23: All Along the Watchtower

If my thoughts on 12x22 were confused, then this was even moreso? (Though 12x22 I like more upon reflection -- even if my criticisms still stand, there were things I really loved. This one had less of that.) So if you're looking for squee, this isn't the best place; but I didn't hate it either. I don't think it was their best effort, though. (Which seems to be a shared sentiment, judging by how my dash has been 80% 12x22; minus the occasional upset, it's like the finale hasn't actually even aired yet?)

Things I did like -- Andrew Dabb actually can write, at least individual scenes. Kelly Kline felt like more of a real person here than in the entire rest of the season (admittedly she was a Bucklemming character for all but one other ep, so. Poor woman.) I was still generally bored with the scenes with her and Cas, but they had some cute moments.

...I do wonder if Dabb might be a Steven Universe fan. Kelly's video to her unborn son is...well, that's a pretty standard cliche, but the circumstances are still awfully familiar. (If you have any interest in the idea of a mother who has to sacrifice herself to bring her child into the world -- but who decides to do so completely willingly, from the start, as an entirely free choice for so many complex reasons -- look, I'm not saying Steven Universe is one of the best scifi/genre shows I've ever seen...except for the part where it is, and it explores so many intense themes so beautifully that it kind of spoils you for a lot of TV and, uh. Anyway!)

(I am positive that Dabb (or someone) was a Buffy and Angel fan. Though why they would crib from Angel's unspeakable 4th season I cannot imagine. "Jack" has all the hallmarks of Jasmine v.2.0, and no one needed that. No one!)

Bobby's return -- Jim Beaver, you troll! He was on Twitter bemoaning not being in this season. @owehimeverything had the thought when we were first starting the episode, that maybe he was punking us -- and lo! there Bobby was! Loved that. While I was not particularly bereft that Bobby died when he did (he'd served his mentorship role, it was time to move on) I appreciate the continuity of his return every season. And this Bobby especially, with his angel-killing hobby, who doesn't know the boys at all or share their history, that's got a lot of potential.

The whole post-apocalypse AU could be a lot of fun -- how it was introduced was ridiculously deus ex nephilim, but now that it's here I'm excited for it. And not just because I am all about AUs (though there is that. And Dean's memory of "French Mistake" was my favorite line of the ep by far -- of course what stuck with Dean is Sam being Polish. And not related to him.) It also ties into what, as far as I can tell, was Andrew Dabb's theme for the season, which is that the Winchesters really are important and do do more good than bad -- that they are the heroes their universe needs. And they're actually aware enough of it to be proud of it. And what better way to prove that than to show a universe where they didn't exist!  

(So presumably Lucifer and Michael got different vessels, who both said yes and the showdown happened? Did Michael defeat Lucifer, and then Hell went to war? Or did they kill each other? What's the deal? With Mary stranded there it seems likely we'll find out. Poor Mary, though. Comes back to life for a year, just reaches an understanding with her boys, and now, Mad Max! And she probably hasn’t even seen Fury Road.)

If the Winchesters' importance was Dabb's intended theme, though, it would've been nice to see it played out the rest of the season. And in this episode, for that matter -- because ultimately Sam & Dean don't do a hell of a lot here. Their plan to take out Lucifer was okay, but it was more action than character-driven. They didn't sacrifice anything for it (not deliberately, anyway; the sacrifices were made by others, but most unintentionally) and it didn't hinge on their brotherly bond in any respect, unlike the set-ups of most other finales.

Speaking of sacrifices -- boy howdy that was a lot of character death, huh? Which I'm not sure how to feel about, because I'm not sure if any of them (save Kelly Kline's) are going to stick? All of them being characters who died have died before and come back. So it's harder to trust. (And that's not even to point out that their shiny new AU is a chance to bring back just about any character in the show if they feel like it, albeit as a mirrorverse version.)

Of all of them, Crowley's felt like the most possible permanent death. He got to go out a hero in the end, farewell and all. And it's not a death I'm disappointed by; I'm a big fan of Mark Shepard, but the character had largely worn out his welcome for me. Or, well, I still liked him with the Winchesters. But I was rarely more than anything but as painfully bored as Crowley himself with all the Hell bureaucracy stuff. Will be happy to have that gone...if it is gone? (Please???)

The main thing I'm upset about, if Crowley is really dead, is that it might mean Rowena actually is as well, since so much of her story involved her son. And Rowena I really do not want to see gone. I especially did not want to see her gone without so much as a heroic stand or a heel turn or a moment of snark or anything. If she's really dead -- killing two popular female characters two weeks in a row without even giving them a last line, what the everloving fuck, show? But Lucifer thought he killed her before and that didn't take. So until proven otherwise I am going to assume Rowena weaseled her way out of this one as well...

(If she is really gone, then that's also all three of my favorite Sam pairings torpedo'ed, come ON show. :/)

(Or else Rowena is dead...and in Hell and becoming a demon queen! I could go for that...)

And then, Castiel -- is not dead. I know that Misha's contract hasn't been confirmed, but I will be astonished if they just let him die...like a female character, with no last line. Besides it's practically a tradition for Cas to bite it in finales.

I admit, if he is really dead...I won't be as sad as maybe I should be? I do love Team Free Will. And I adore Misha Collins; I don't know him, obviously, but everything I've seen of him, he's a stand-up human being of a kind that we could use more of. And Cas pushes a lot of my rebel-angel-loving buttons, along with my AI-learning-to-be-human buttons (he is the grouchy Data of SPN). But this season especially they didn't seem to know what to do with his character, to the point that a good chunk of his scenes bored me.

(And they seemed to be trying to make up for it by pushing the Destiel angle, which the harder they push, the more it turns me off it. I love Cas and Dean as friends. But as a TFW fan, they were putting so much more weight on Cas & Dean than on Cas & Sam in these last few eps. And you don't have to read it that way, I know -- Sam dragging Dean back to save him, that's not because Sam doesn't care about Cas but because Sam can be the more rational one, when he has to be, to save his brother. But still...and a lot of it is the fandom; I can't help but be thinking in scenes like that, that the Destiel fans are going to take it as 'proof' of the ship, and that annoys me more than it ought to.)

But I think this is moot anyway, because I seriously doubt Cas is going to stay gone. Though hopefully we'll get some good grief from both the boys before he makes it back!

Before that, though, I am hoping the first few eps might be just Sam & Dean on their own, depending on only each other, vs the nephilim (however that shakes out) -- return to the show's roots, as they keep eternally promising and never delivering. While season 12 had its bright spots, overall it is my least favorite of the show, and I'm really hoping for season 13 to pick up. A lot of that depends on what actually was the problem with season 12 -- there were so many different things wrong, and enough changes in the staff (not to mention actor availability), that it's really hard to say. And it also depends on whether the producers actually feel there is anything that should be fixed?

A lot of us seem resigned to season 13 being the last, though as far as I know there's been no confirmation of that one way or another. And it would be tragic for them to come so close to 300 episodes and fall short. But maybe the show has run its course? I don't know if that's so -- I only know that I do want more; but I want more of what I love, and maybe that's not what they want to make anymore. And that’s TV. So it goes.