#non-binary

[chronic-conjuring]

So, for context, I’m one of those weird xenogender freaks and finally finding this label made SO MUCH fall into place for me and I’m convinced that The Binaries™️ simply cannot understand it. It’s just simply so outside of their lived experience and cultural mind frame to fully grasp without a lot of work.

TL;DR for those who don’t want to read my whole rant here: People need to become more comfortable with just not fully understanding other people’s genders and learn to mind their damn business about it. Xenogenders and other Freaky™️ genders that fall (even partially) outside the simple framework of a binary are relatively very new, even as a concept, and thus many choose to be ignorant of them and push their oversimplified definitions onto others. Often leading to the policing of other people’s identities and inter-community violence that also extends to those of us who have multiple genders, even if all their genders all fall within said binary.

A much longer, in depth analysis of this issue below for those who want to engage in more nuanced and Advanced™️ gender talks⬇️

Personally I think it’s fine that The Binaries™️ don’t get us. I don’t think I could ever really understand what it’s like to be a binary-gendered person so it’s kind of a two way street there. I’ve never experienced actually having a binary gender despite playing around with it while figuring out my whole deal. I’ve never understood the “boundaries” between genders and what it really meant to be one or the other or somewhere in between. Even at a very young age I only ever understood the cultural and societal expectations put on people based on their physical appearance and sex characteristics. It was always very confusing to me and still kinda is tbh.

Fundamentally, I think people who exist within the binary still have this intense need to place everyone into neat categories and labels as a way to understand the world around them better (even many who identify as nonbinary because their brain still operates within that framework). Many don’t even know how to conceptualize what being xenogender might entail, let alone less conventional gender that exist within and around the “male-female” binary. It’s honestly a very bad habit we see in many areas of life and not just within gender identity, like with how some people still can’t seem to understand bisexuality and how someone could be attracted to both men and women. And it manifests like this, with people insisting they understand other people’s gender better than them and essentially that people can’t embody more than one gender. Even within “nonbinary” spaces because a lot of nonbinary people, I’ve found, still exist in this sliding scale of gender where they feel like both or neither and never think much more of it. So you get so many people just fundamentally misunderstanding how some of us Freaks™️ experience gender altogether, and then insist that we’re the ones doing it wrong simply because they can’t understand it.

Like, as a xenogender person I find it incredibly difficult to properly describe my gender to people who don’t fall outside of this binary in the same ways I do. I oftentimes have to dumb it way down to “imagine having every gender but then none at all, all at the same time and you’re kind of halfway there” and even that is often too complicated for the “regular” people to wrap their heads around. I often can’t even get to the heart of it with a simple “imagine if your gender was an aesthetic, independent of any physical sex characteristics you could ever have” just because it’s so far outside people’s framework of understanding and talking about gender.

Again, I don’t think this is a fault of theirs by any means. I can’t wrap my head around what it’d be like to have a “regular” gender just as much as they can’t understand having mine. It’s an experience thing, and if you don’t experience gender within the same category as someone else we simply do not have the language to convey the vast differences in experience or bridge that gap yet. Or at least I haven’t found a way to nor have I seen anyone else find it either. It’s this massive disconnect and unfortunately it others a very small percentage between the two: people with multiple genders and genders very outside any binary thinking. Which is even a minority within the existing minority group that is the queer community.

The whole issue has a very cyclical nature about it, if you haven’t noticed. And culturally we have little historical and cultural context for these genders too, or at least I’ve never seen anyone else find/have a culture that has something like xenogender within their roots and traditions. All the variations of gender I’ve ever seen have all been iterations of “man in a woman’s body”, “woman in a man’s body”, “someone who’s both a man and a woman in the same body” and variations of those to describe people who lie on either more feminine or masculine within that scale of those categories, if that makes sense. If I’m wrong and there’s cultures out there that do have their own versions of what could be summed up as “my gender is an aesthetic” or “my gender lies within the unknown and completely outside the binary” then please do add them. I’m by no means an expert on any culture and definitely haven’t heard of all of them and their traditions around trans and enby people.

My point here is that, on a large scale culturally, there’s no real framework to even acknowledge that someone’s gender identity could fall outside of anything even remotely related to gender, and people already struggle to understand and acknowledge that people can have more than one gender as is. And it makes understanding and discovering yourself as a xenogender person very difficult. It’s a relatively new term, and any other underneath this umbrella term are even more niche than the original term itself. It’s an obscure experience that many don’t even realize is an option at all. If you look at censuses taken you’ll often see the numbers in any given xenogender identity in the single digits. Most people have never even heard of the term, much less known or knowingly interacted with any xenogender people to begin with.

My point here is we, culturally and ideologically, as a demographic are very new when it comes to visibility and existence of language to aptly define our experiences. I believe xenogender people have always existed and always will, just that before very recently we’ve never really had the language to properly define our existences and how that culminates into this weird, seemingly unground concept. One that’s completely independent from experiences with physical sex and the genders and identities tied to those. I do also believe, and hope, that as language continues to expand to encompass us better and more fully we might start to find a more common ground between those who experience gender tied to physical sex characteristics, and those of us who have less, if any of that. It’s a very complex identity with lots of moving parts, and in my experience no two xenogender people have the exact same experience with gender.

This is not to say that all Xenogendered people don’t experience some connection to physical sex characteristics and the binaries that come with it. Just that all of them expand beyond those boundaries in a way many simply don’t understand. As one myself I do have preferences in which sex related characteristics I prefer to have, but for me it has more to do with my preferences for aesthetics than it does with my comfortability within any given body configuration. I would feel just as out of place and uncomfortable if I transitioned and took on “the opposite” characteristics than the ones I have now. I know some xenogender people fall staunchly on one side or the other, masculine or feminine, and identify in part with being transfemme or transmasc. Like I said, they’re extremely complex and varied experiences with gender and many, many people just cannot understand this.

I’d apologize for the excessive ranting here, but in all honesty I don’t see a way to have this conversation without being extensively detailed and long-winded. Dumbing it down and simplifying it, at least to me, doesn’t do the incredible complexity of it all any justice. And until we have more succinct language and broader understanding/knowledge of this kind of gender fuckery I don’t think we can simplify this and have an in depth conversation on it all.

why have us queer people as a community normalized terms like "boygirl" or "girlboy" or other things like that but not like. the actual experience of being multigender. i swear some people will be like "ahaha its so cool and swag to be a #girlboy #boygirl" then turn around and be like "MEN DNI THIS POST IS ABOUT WOMEN" "MEN CANT BE LESBIANS (because no man is ever a woman too)" etc etc like come on guys

EDIT: i added an entire rant about this here

[beefybutchboy]

[whatareyoureallyafraidof]

[thatgarden]

A study just came out from Harvard about how gender affirming surgeries are more commonly performed on "cisgender men/boys" than transgender and gender diverse (TGD) people.

But these men/boys have gynecomastia which, if they were born with it (and the study doesn't specify), they're not just "cisgender".

They're intersex.

How many times now have intersex people told us perisex (non-intersex) people to stop using the statistics of their surgeries just as trans talking points, while erasing intersex people on the whole?

We have no idea how many of those surgeries were forced, or coerced, onto these intersex people. Either from doctors, parents, or even societal pressure.

Perisex trans people need to do better. We have to be better allies to intersex people than this. It disgusts me just how much we have failed our own community, time and time again.

UPDATE

The study actually specifically excluded intersex people.

"Importantly, all surgical procedures among patients with indications of differences in sex development or patients with other medical indications for surgery (eg, cancer, injury) were excluded..."

I'm happy to see this particular study has taken care to exclude intersex people, since surgeries done on them cannot be compared to transgender surgeries, but please bear in mind that this is still just one study.

The horrible truth is that medical abuse against our intersex siblings is still heavily normalized within the medical industry. From using terms like DSD, to forcing kids and even BABIES into sexual binaries with non or dubiously consensual surgeries or HRT, these horrors that intersex people have to go through are all too normal for them. That's unacceptable.

If you have reblogged this post without this update, I urge you to delete that reblog and reblog this version instead. We can fight for intersex rights and (if you're also perisex) show our solidarity without spreading misinformation.

[chanceofwhat]

I created a pile of cats and then I colored the pride flags into it. Idk, enjoy. Don’t “steal” them ig, but like, you can share them, just don’t say you made ‘em. Whatever, my signature’s on it.

Yay pride month!

Update: there are more! I reblogged with the extras but I don’t think many people have seen, so here: https://www.tumblr.com/chanceofwhat/753498899252150272/dang-yall-love-this-thanks hope that link works lmao

[island-76]

Here's your reminder that AFAB doesn't mean that person has breasts and a vagina. That AMAB doesn't mean that person has a flat chest and a dick.

AFAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE DICKS.

AFAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE FLAT CHESTS.

AFAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE BEARDS.

AFAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE DEEP VOICES

AMAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE TITS

AMAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE PUSSIES

AMAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE CURVES

AMAB PEOPLE CAN HAVE HIGH-PITCHED VOICES

Don't let AMAB and AFAB become the progressive binary

[mime-rodeo]

give me ace characters who are unabashedly sexy and flirtatious.

give me aro characters who are emotional and clingy.

give me bi characters who can't even make eye contact with anyone, let alone flirt with them.

give me pan characters who are deadpan (haha get it) and have black cat energy.

give me non-binary characters who dress completely femme or masc, who don't “look non-binary”.

give me trans characters who don't completely pass as their gender but are still respected and not the butt of a joke.

fuck the stereotypes, give me more variety in queer representation.

[profeminist]

"School districts that don’t respect transgender and nonbinary students’ pronouns or force them to use restrooms that don’t align with their gender identity could be committing federal civil rights violations beginning this fall.

Today, the U.S. Department of Education announced the issuance of a final rule under Title IX to protect people in public schools from sex-based discrimination and harassment. The announcement marks a significant update in federal efforts to combat sex discrimination in federally funded educational institutions. During a call with reporters, Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona emphasized the administration’s dedication to ensuring that Title IX effectively serves all students by providing safe, welcoming, and rights-respecting educational environments."

Read the full piece here

[lgbtlaughs]

Non-Binary” (Not a woman) {Shocking!} (Also not a man) “is right next to you” [via]

[mxactivist]

UK petition: An independent evaluation of the Cass review on child gender services

[ Click here to sign ]

We believe that trans healthcare should be based on unbiased research that is peer reviewed. We think that the Cass review's findings have led to restrictive practices that are being directly felt by transgender children. We feel that an independent evaluation is necessary to ensure children aren’t being unduly harmed. We think that only through a transparent process can we guarantee fair access and treatment for trans children as well as restore faith in the current NHS services.

Deadline: 12 June 2025

Graph of signatures: Click here

Who can sign?

Anyone living in the UK (regardless of citizenship)

Any UK citizen (regardless of country of residence)

[ Click here to sign ]

[ Click here to sign ]

[neverlove-anchor]

if your feminism doesn't make space in it's theory, or doesn't have the appropriate language, to integrate the living experiences of trans men, transmascs, non-binary ppl, non-passing and non-transitioning trans ppl, intersex ppl, marginalized men and ppl outside of western europe and north america, then your feminism is bullshit and if u pretend it's intersectional you're a fucking clown

u should be mad at the historical exclusion of all these ppl from academical feminist discourse, not at the fact that the internet made all these ppl capable of creating their own language and sharing their experiences. u should be overjoyed, not mad that now all these groups are debunking your half baked theories and refuse to let u talk for them

feminist theory is expanding. and that's good. it's amazing. the fact that this is not celebrated more let's me know that unfortunately many feminists lost the point of feminism somewhere along the way

[growing-past-me]

Tumblr has been a home to queer people for years. It was the last place we felt safe online. If you attack trans women, you attack all of us, and if the tumblr polls are to be trusted, about 90% of your clientele will leave and never return. Pick your fucking battles Matt. Justice for predestrogen.

[prideknights]

Hi everyone, I am working on embroidery patches and was wondering what you think of this design for the non-binary patch!

[berensreverie]

idk pride flags are always just stripes so I made a non-binary flag with my favorite dinosaur archaeopteryx. Two heads to symbolize balance between two genders!