#because she doesn’t understand Why . she’s trying to build up ‘good person’ points rather than actually deconstruct what she was taught

[frogatz]

in the name of making ur ocs worse people i think everyone should know that while calypso is good and kind at her core, she has participated in war and still doesn’t understand the ins and outs of why that’s a bad thing . like definitely knows its not good and wont do it again but she would not be able to tell you why . absolutely no internal ideas about the power structures that put her in the position of killing people. yet

[pitlanepeach]

Radio Silence | Chapter Thirty

Lando Norris x Amelia Brown (OFC)

Series Masterlist

Summary — Order is everything. Her habits aren’t quirks, they’re survival techniques. And only three people in the world have permission to touch her: Mom, Dad, Fernando.

Then Lando Norris happens.

One moment. One line crossed. No going back.

Warnings — Autistic!OFC, strong language, time-skips, the absolute shit-show that was the first half of the 2023 season.

Notes — Amelia being McLaren's literal saviour? IKTR

2023 (Saudi Arabia — Silverstone)

The paddock in Bahrain had started to quiet down after qualifying, the desert heat finally slipping away into a cooler breeze. Amelia was walking through the paddock, steps quick and stride polished, muttering statistics under her breath and trying to burn off some extra energy before debriefs were due to begin.

“Amelia.”

She turned. Adrian stood just outside Red Bull’s motorhome, hands in his pockets, watching her with a thoughtful expression.

“Hi, Adrian,” she greeted, smiling politely at the man she’d once idolised who had become something more reminiscent of a friend over the last two years.

“Do you have a minute?” He asked.

She gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Sure.”

He gestured for them to walk a little away from the thinning crowds. “I’ve been wanting to speak with you since testing, but I figured it was better in person rather than on the phone.”

Amelia waited, quiet.

Adrian glanced toward the Red Bull garage, then back at her. “You have done something incredible,” he said. “The car — it’s… brutally efficient. Elegant, even. It’s the cleanest thing I’ve seen come out of our CFD pipeline in five years. Maybe longer.”

Amelia’s brow ticked up. “Thank you.”

He studied her for a moment, brow furrowed slightly. “So why did you leave, Amelia? You could’ve ridden that thing straight through another championship with Max. Earned the credit. The spotlight. A long, solid legacy.”

“I didn’t need to,” she said simply.

He blinked, thrown off. “Didn’t need to… win?”

“I didn’t need credit,” she clarified. “That was never the point. Max knows that this years car is ours — mine and his, in a way. You know, too. That’s enough for me.”

“You designed one of the most dominant aero concepts I’ve seen in a decade,” Adrian said, still incredulous. “And walked away before it even hit the track?”

Amelia nodded. Shrugged. “I didn't build the car for glory. I built it because I knew what it could be. And then I gave my concepts to you, so that you would make them happen, and you did.” She pursed her lips. “Max didn’t need me anymore. He knows how to handle a championship. He’s done it twice, now.”

“And McLaren does need you?” Adrian pressed.

“Yes,” she said. Smiled. “They do. Oscar too.”

Adrian looked at her like he was trying to understand a language he didn’t speak. Slowly, he said, “You’ve created a car that will be remembered for generations.”

“I know.”

“And you don’t care that you won’t get the credit?”

“No,” she said. “Doesn’t change what I did.”

There was a long silence, the dusk settling over them in a soft hush.

Adrian let out a slow breath, almost reverent. “I admire it, you know. Even if I don’t understand it.”

Amelia gave him the faintest smirk. “That’s okay. I’m not an easy person to understand.”

“No,” Adrian agreed. “But you’re very, very good.” He paused. “God, sometimes, Amelia, I wonder if maybe you’re better than me.”

“I might be. One day,” she said, and turned to go.

—

The debrief room was quiet, too quiet.

Oscar sat back in his chair, legs outstretched, eyes on the floor. His race suit was half-unzipped, his undershirt sweat-darkened at the collar. Amelia sat at the head of the small conference table, her iPad flat in front of her, her stylus spinning slowly between her fingers.

“Well,” Oscar said dryly. “That was shit.”

Amelia’s lips twitched. “You’re not wrong.”

He tilted his head. “Can I ask something?”

“Of course you can.” She frowned at him.

Oscar looked over at her, brow creased faintly. “You knew the car wasn’t going to be good this year. You warned me. So why did you still come back to McLaren?”

Amelia leaned back in her chair, thought about it, then shrugged. “Well, you were a big part of it.”

Oscar blinked at her.

“You needed somebody who was able to make the most of a bad situation,” she said. “Not someone who’d write it off before the lights went out. You’re better than the car right now. But the car won’t stay this way forever; I promise you that.”

Oscar was quiet for a moment. “Right. Thanks,” he said eventually, voice low.

“Don’t get sentimental,” Amelia said, flicking a button on her iPad. “We’re both going to be angry for a while, at least until I can fix this.”

He nodded, some of the stiffness leaving his shoulders. “Fine by me.”

She tapped through to the race data, then looked up. “Okay. So. Let’s talk lap one.”

Oscar squinted. “What was wrong with lap one?”

“You braked late into Turn 10. Just like you did in qualifying.”

“Maybe the corner needs to come sooner,” he muttered, deadpan.

Amelia rolled her eyes. “Maybe you just need more time in the sim.”

Oscar made a face. “If I spend any more time in it than you already make me do, I might merge with the chair.”

They dove into the telemetry together then — back and forth, sharp and focused, their language slowly becoming shorthand. She pointed out throttle traces, he challenged her on strategy calls. She fired back with sector deltas, he offered precise corner feedback.

By the time they were done, an hour had passed.

Oscar leaned back, drained but calmer. “You’re intense.”

“Yeah,” Amelia said, unapologetically. “I’m also right, most of the time.”

He nodded. “Yeah. You are.”

She packed up her iPad, stood, and gestured toward the door. “Come on, ducky,” she said. “My husband is probably pacing somewhere, lamenting about how shit his car is. We need to stop him before he spirals.”

Oscar made a face as he got to his feet. “I don’t like being ducky.”

Amelia shrugged, unconcerned. “Too bad. You are.”

He sighed. “Why can’t I just be Oscar?”

“You can,” she said simply. “But you’re ducky too. Both can be true.”

Oscar blinked at her, clearly expecting more of an explanation. Amelia paused in the doorway, tilting her head like she was debating whether to explain. Then she did — bluntly, honestly, in her Amelia way. “Nicknames are… structure,” she said. “They help me sort people. Feelings. Connections. If I nickname you, it means I’ve decided I trust you. It’s like… mental shorthand. Emotional filing.”

Oscar’s brow furrowed. “Like… categories?”

“Exactly,” she said, eyes lighting up slightly. “It’s not random. It means something. I call you ducky because you’re calm on the surface and all chaos underneath, and also because you look like someone who would fall asleep in a bathtub. And because I like you. You’ve earned it.”

He stared at her. “I… don’t know what to do with that.”

“You don’t have to do anything with it,” she said, already halfway down the hall. “Just know that it means I’ve put you in the ‘safe’ column.”

Oscar followed, a little dazed. “That’s a lot to attach to a duck.”

Amelia smiled to herself. “Also, my husband kept saying that I imprinted on you like a mother duck, so…”

They rounded the corner and found said husband, Lando, in the corridor, muttering to himself with a piece of tyre compound data pulled up on his phone.

Oscar pointed wordlessly.

Amelia just sighed. “See? Spiralling. I told you.” She stepped forward, nudged the phone down, and gently took her husband’s hand. “Hey,” she said. “You did well with what you had.”

Lando looked between the two of them, Amelia’s steady face, Oscar’s unreadable one, and let out a breath that was mostly a laugh. “We’re going to be fucking shit this year, aren’t we?” He asked.

Amelia sighed. “I hope not. I’m already trying to get my hands on the car, but the cost cap is preventing me from making any significant changes this early…”

Lando pouted at his wife.

“Pizza?” Oscar asked.

Amelia’s head snapped around in his direction. “Yes!”

Lando was still pouting when he said, “Sure. Yeah. Whatever. Depression pizza. Yay!”

—

The glass walls of the office reflected the glow of early evening. Outside, the MTC lake was still, pale with late-winter. Inside, Amelia sat at the head of the table with her knees drawn up in the chair, a pink, battered notebook open in front of her.

Andrea leaned in to look closer. “You did this all by hand?”

Amelia didn’t look up. “I think better with a pen and paper.”

Her dad, seated opposite her, turned a few pages. His brows rose as he scanned carefully drawn schematics, annotated calculations, wind tunnel projections, notes in tiny, slanted handwriting. Everything from ride height tweaks to theoretical suspension layouts to predicted competitor development trends.

“This is a full concept,” Andrea said, quietly impressed. “This is… years worth of work.”

“Just a few weeks,” Amelia said. “That’s not just theory in there, though. That’s a car.”

Zak sat back, flipping to the final page. It was labelled, in block capitals, with an underlined title.

PROJECT: MCL38-AN

Underneath, in her neat writing.

It’ll win if you trust it.

He looked up. “This will put us back on top?”

“I know it will,” Amelia said, finally meeting their eyes. “Everything I’ve learned — from Red Bull, from Max, from every telemetry graph and CFD failure and stupid porpoising issue in the last two years — I used it all. And not just to make something clever. To make something fast. Reliable. Adaptable.”

Andrea gently closed the notebook. “This is championship-level ambition.”

“It’s more than ambition,” Amelia said. “It’s your 2024 car. The notebook is yours now.”

Her dad raised his eyebrows. “You don’t want to keep it?”

She shrugged. “No. I won’t need it, but you will. I’ve already made a million copies, but I’d like you to keep the original.”

Her dad looked at her and reached for the notebook again with something like reverence. “We’re going to need to start assembling a team around this immediately.” He said.

“I already started,” she told him. “Tom in aero’s got preliminary CFD models. Jordan’s been mocking up rear suspension geometry in CAD for two weeks.”

Andrea laughed softly, almost disbelieving. “You went over our heads?”

“I’m not very good at leaving things to chance,” she said. “And our car this year is awful. So bad. I needed to start making something happen, even if most of it will have to wait until next year.”

Her dad stood and leaned across the table, hand on the notebook. “Honey, this is…”

“Yours. Ours.” She said.

Andrea let out a breath.

Her dad stared at her for a beat, and then he was beaming.

—

It was nearly midnight, and the MTC was mostly dark — save for the soft hum of light in the engineering wing. Amelia sat on the floor of her office, legs crossed, iPad glowing in her lap.

Oscar lay stretched out on the rug in front of her, still in his training kit, a protein shake abandoned next to him. Lando was in her desk chair, spinning gently, half-asleep and barefoot.

“This is the weirdest sleepover I’ve ever been to,” Oscar muttered.

“You say that every time you hang out with us,” Lando replied, yawning.

“I mean it every time.” Oscar said.

Amelia didn’t look up. “Shut up. I’m trying to change the trajectory of your entire careers right now.”

That got their attention.

Lando leaned forward. “What are you doing, baby?”

Amelia turned the iPad so they could both see the screen. Her voice was calm, even, but there was a thread of something bright underneath it. “This is going to be your 2024 car.”

Oscar blinked. “You—what?”

She tapped through a few screens: 3D renders, rear suspension models, aero flow maps. “Codename MCL38-AN. I told you both that I already had it planned out, didn’t I?”

Oscar sat up straighter. “You really think that’ll put us at the front of the grid?”

“Yes,” she said. “You’re driving scrap metal right now, I won’t lie. It’s holding you both back. But this car—” she tapped the image again “—this is what we’re building toward. This is the one. The team just needs time. I need time.”

Oscar was staring at the iPad, wide eyed. “You’re sure.”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything. All I need is for you to keep showing up. To keep believing. We’re not going to be at the back of the grid forever.”

Lando stood, walked over, and looked down at the designs for a long moment. “It’s beautiful,” he said quietly.

“I know.”

“Why are you showing us now?”

“Because,” she said, glancing between them, “I can’t ask you to keep suffering through this season unless you have a reason. A future. This is your future. You’ll win races in this car.”

Oscar laughed, breathless and stunned. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Amelia said, finally smiling. “Holy shit.”

Lando slid down onto the floor beside her, shoulder brushing hers. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Us. This team. This sport.”

“Thanks,” she said.

Oscar pointed at the iPad again. “Can I name it?”

“No.” She said.

“Can I drive it now?” He asked.

“It doesn’t exist yet.” She told him.

“Then can I keep being your ducky?”

She looked at him, bemused. “You want to be ducky now?”

“I’m reconsidering my argument,” he muttered. “Out of loyalty…”

Lando was grinning. “We’re going to win championships, aren’t we?”

Amelia nodded. Smiled at her husband. Kissed him. “Yes. We are.”

—

They got back to Monaco well past midnight, Lando wordless beside her in the car. The race had been brutal. Another pointless race. Another weekend where the car hadn’t performed, and the looped back data had made her want to throw her laptop into the Red Sea.

But home was home.

Amelia dropped her bags in the entryway, kicked off her trainers, and walked straight to the kitchen, wordlessly opening the fridge. She fished out a can of Diet Coke and pressed it to her forehead.

Behind her, Lando wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"You gonna fire me?” He asked quietly.

She laughed despite the burning itch under her skin. “No. You did your best.”

“Yeah.” He exhaled against her neck.

They stood like that for a beat. Amelia breathed in the scent of his hoodie and let the familiar weight of him soothe the static in her chest. He was solid. Warm. Hers.

Finally, she turned around and kissed his jaw. “It’ll get better.”

Lando nodded. “Good. Because I’m getting real tired of seeing you more frustrated than smug.”

She cracked a smile. “I’m always smug.”

“There she is.”

—

Amelia didn’t cook often, but when she did, it was loud, chaotic, and always somewhat efficient.

Oscar sat at the breakfast bar, watching her with mild horror as she chopped onions at a blinding speed.

“You’re a very violent chef,” he observed.

“The quicker it’s done, the better,” she said. “Now pass me the basil, ducky.”

He handed it over. “Still don’t particularly like being called that.”

“Don’t care.” She glanced at him over her shoulder. “Do you want red or white wine?”

—

The living room was littered with discarded Uno cards, an empty pizza box, and the remains of someone’s sprite can that Max Fewtrell had been using as a drum for the last ten minutes.

“You are cheating,” Pietra said flatly, accusing Lando with a pointed look.

“I’m just playing strategically.”

Amelia, half-asleep on the sofa with her feet in Lando’s lap, mumbled, “Strategically being a little shit, yeah.”

“Don’t hate the player,” Lando shot back, tugging her ankle gently. “Hate the wife.”

“You’ll sleep on the couch for that,” she muttered, eyes still closed.

Max Verstappen arrived late, as usual. Amelia opened one eye when he collapsed beside her on the sofa and started picking at the leftover cold garlic bread.

“Missed you.” She told him sleepily.

“Missed you too, zusje.” He said.

She leaned her head briefly against his shoulder.

—

The Spanish GP had been marginally better than the ones that’d come before. Still not good. But better.

Back at the airport, Oscar sat cross-legged on the floor, headphones in, while Amelia reviewed strategy notes and Lando bought three Snickers and two iced teas.

Lando dropped next to her with a huff, his arm winding around her waist, hand flexing before squeezing her hip. “I’m considering sabotage.”

“Of?”

“The car. I’m gonna drive it into a lake or something.”

Oscar pulled one headphone off. “Wouldn’t it sink?”

Lando stared at him. “That’s your concern?”

“Hydrodynamics are important.” Oscar smirked.

Amelia sighed. “You’re both ridiculous.”

Lando grinned. “You love it.”

She didn’t reply, just leaned closer, then passed him a highlighter. “Help me mark the wind tunnel data.”

—

They’d flown into Spielberg a little early to prep and decompress. Amelia had her notes. Lando had brought five pairs of sunglasses and absolutely no socks. Oscar was, predictably, already on his fifth stretch of the legs down the paddock.

The three of them walked the track together at sunset, shoes crunching against the gravel.

“You know,” Amelia said, glancing between the two drivers, “if either of you crashes this weekend, I won’t be happy.”

“Would you leave me for dead?” Oscar asked, deadpan.

“Yes.” She lied.

“She wouldn’t,” Lando said.

Amelia looked ahead, wind tugging at her hair, then back at the boys; her husband and her ducky.

This job was hell. The car was beyond flawed. The season wasn’t what they’d hoped.

But this, this team, this family, this effort, felt like something worth holding onto.

—

Silverstone came, and there was a shift.

It wasn’t everything. But it was something.

Amelia stood just outside the McLaren garage, arms crossed over her chest, watching the mechanics finish prepping the car for FP1.

The upgraded floor. The reshaped side-pods. The altered rear suspension geometry she’d argued over for weeks.

It was all here. On track. Real.

It wasn’t perfect — of course it wasn’t. The budget cap had demanded compromises. She hadn’t been able to implement the full package she’d thrown together back in March. That version of the MCL60 was meaner, leaner, cleverer — a little monster of a thing. A title fighter.

But this was the one they could afford. And she’d made it the best it could be.

Oscar stepped beside her, helmet tucked under his arm, race suit halfway unzipped. “Doesn’t look like a paper towel on wheels anymore.”

She hummed. “No. More like... a reinforced napkin. Maybe a placemat.”

He gave her a sideways glance. “How confident are you?”

She exhaled slowly. “Seventy percent we’re in the points. Fifty percent one of you surprises me. Zero percent we DNF. I’ve triple-checked the aero modelling. You’re safe.”

He nodded, quiet for a moment. Then, “I know it’s not what you wanted.”

“No,” she said honestly. “It’s not. But it’s what we’ve got. And it’s good enough to fight for points rather than the chequered flag.”

Oscar squeezed her shoulder. Tight. “I trust you.”

There was something boyish in the way he said it. Uncomplicated. She smiled and nudged him toward the car. “Go, ducky.”

“Still don’t like that.”

“Don’t care.”

—

By Sunday, the paddock was electric.

The buzz was real. The performance gains were visible. And people were talking.

After qualifying, someone from Sky asked Lando if he felt like McLaren were back in the fight for ‘best of the rest’.

He didn’t even hesitate. “Yes. We’ve got Amelia Norris to thank for that.”

That one made her throat pinch.

Later, back in the garage, she caught Andrea’s eye as he leaned over the pit wall screens. He grinned, then gave her a thumbs-up.

Even her dad, who’d spent the last several months managing expectations to sponsors and shareholders, gave her a bear hug that nearly knocked her clipboard out of her hands.

“You’ve made believers out of us again, kiddo,” he said into her ear. “They’re already asking about 2024.”

Amelia stepped back and smiled tightly. “Let us get through this race first.”

—

Lando was flying. Oscar was right on his gearbox. And Amelia was vibrating in her seat, headset digging into her ears.

The car wasn’t just competitive; it was racy. Bold. Alive.

She and Will traded glances as they watched Lando chase down Lewis.

“This is all you,” Will said.

She didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Her heart was somewhere near her throat.

Oscar’s voice crackled in her ear. “Is this what driving a real car feels like?”

Amelia couldn’t help it, she laughed. “Keep it clean, ducky. Still a few laps to go.”

“Is my wife crying tears of joy right now?” Lando asked over his radio. “I bet she is.”

“She is.” Will said.

“Liar.” Amelia laughed, and okay, maybe she did sound a bit choked up.

—

The crowd was still roaring and Amelia was frozen beside the pit wall, headset hair sticking out from under her cap, breathing like she’d just done the full length of the race herself.

It wasn’t a win.

But it was enough.

Lando ran up behind her and flung his arms around her shoulders, lifting her slightly off the ground as she shrieked.

“Put me down, you sweaty idiot—!”

“We did it!”

“You did it.”

“No,” Lando said, spinning her once before finally setting her down. “You did.”

He kissed her, quick and messy, and the cameras were definitely watching, but she didn’t care. She’d earned this moment.

Oscar wandered over and offered her a half-hearted fist bump.

“Better than a placemat,” he grinned lopsidedly.

“Almost a dinner plate,” she agreed.

He laughed, and then he took her to watch the podium.

Max on top. Lewis next. And then her Lando.

Her husband.

Beaming right at her.

She made Oscar hug her. Needed the deep-pressure to cut through the overwhelming joy coursing through her veins. Somebody took a picture and posted it on Twitter with the tag ‘Best racer/engineer duo EVER’.

—

Amelia was sitting cross-legged on their hotel bed, notebook open in her lap, notes scribbled in every margin.

Lando walked out of the shower, towel around his waist, hair damp.

“You’re still working?”

She looked up. “I’m trying to figure out how to sneak in another mini upgrade before Qatar.”

Lando crossed the room and kissed the top of her head. “You’re mad, you know.”

Amelia frowned. “I’m not.”

He slid into bed beside her. “C’mere. Work can wait till tomorrow.”

She paused, then closed the notebook and handed it to him. “Don’t lose it,” she warned. “That’s the future in your hands.”

He looked at the cover, scuffed, dented, covered in papaya and coffee stains, and held it like it was a sacred text.

“We’re going to have podium celebration sex now.” She told him. “I bought chequered flag lingerie.”

His eyes went wide. “Oh—Holy shit. You did?”

She smiled. 

NEXT CHAPTER

[katshelluvacritic]

Charlie Morningstar is probably one of the worst written characters I’ve seen in the series.

(This one’s gonna be a long one…)

Ok…. So I watched all six episodes and to be honest I’m pretty much pissed off by this character specifically. This might be more of a rant rather than a critique, so I do understand that not everything I say in this will end up being as constructive exactly but I genuinely need to get this off my chest, especially since she is a character I’ve specifically and recently been hyper fixating on before the show released…

(Side note: I realized the post was very long so, to have it be easier to read I added titles for each section! Hope this helps)

!!WARNING FOR SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES BTW!!

> Charlie lacks the qualities of being a main character.

Now besides the piss poor excuse of an introduction for her (and the rest of the cast) in the main series, I honestly question why exactly Charlie specifically is the “protagonist” in the first place (and I say protagonist with the biggest of quotes here, you’ll see why).

In the first episode of the series “overture”, we don’t really see much of her character, most of the time we’re shown screen time of Vicky (a nickname I made for v*ggie since I’m not gonna call her by her genitalia thank you) trying to make an ad for the hotel and even when we do get the screen time of her, she’s barely doing anything other than hearing viv’s self insert- I mean- Adam just go on and on about whatever he’s talking about.

And when Charlie does go on to explain her plan to redeem sinners she’s just interrupted and then stands there when they start singing hell is forever, she doesn’t “go off” like the hazbin Twitter says, she just stands there and then tries to say something only to get interrupted again and again and then gets pushed out of the meeting room before going back to the hotel to see it’s spread across in the news that the next extermination happens in 6 months.

Now although one might argue “Well didn’t Charlie at one point said in the show that giving orders is so mean?” Well yes but again, Charlie is literally the princess of pride ring, you would think that since her parents are literally rulers of pride, they would’ve probably teach her how to stand on her two feat, especially if your RUNNING A HOTEL. And the thing is, she has stood up and did so in episode 6 and the goddamn pilot (which is at this point is probably canon due to Charlie calling it the hazbin hotel instead of happy hotel), even going as far as to fight Katie Killjoy because she thought it was stupid.

Not only that but the episodes after overture, her screen time lessens until somewhat in 5 and 6. She doesn’t really appear that much in the between these episodes to the point where she feels like a supporting character rather than a protagonist. And when she does get screen time, she’s either forgettable at best and infuriating at worst.

> Charlie’s character is poorly written and just dumb.

In the episodes past overture, she’s literally rock solid stupid that I literally screamed in real life multiple times “you’re a fucking idiot” because of how frustrated I was from what she was doing, In episode 2 she literally trusted sir pentious to go to her hotel even though he almost destroyed her place and in episode 6 thought it was a hunky dory idea to let a person who literally exploded buildings to take charge of giving her employees a “good time”. Yes it could be played off as her being naive but if she’s that naive of a person then maybe she shouldn’t be a boss of a hotel to rehabilitate sinners.

Heck, in episode 4, Charlie gets pissed off and turns into her demon form because val literally started hurting Angel when he followed him into the room (and rightfully so) but when angel tells her to leave and drags her out of the studio, she’s just in her normal form and fucks off??? Reminder she’s literally the princess of hell! She could beat the shit out of val if she wants to, why did she just fucked off after angel had her leave?

“But Kat, what if something bad happens to angel if valentino dies?” Like what? If it was explained that if an overlord dies then the sinners that made a deal with them die too or something like that then yeah, that would make sense but we don’t know that whether or not that’s the case, if anything angel could be just fine after Valentino dies but we don’t know that.

And even when Charlie had the opportunity to go out there and apologize to him herself after he stormed out of the hotel, she and Vicky just send Husk to do it. And I have to ask, WHY? HUSK didn’t know what was happening to Angel earlier. HUSK wasn’t at the porn studio that Angel was working at. CHARLIE WAS….

“Well Kat, what if Charlie was scared about making things worse?” Fair enough, but again sending Husk is a stupid idea, I feel like it would’ve AT LEAST made sense if she sent Vicky out there. Because Charlie didn’t know if husk could fight (if you could even call it that, all he did was throw cards at people), BUT SHE KNEW VICKY COULD THOUGH. But nah we gotta do it for the ship right?

And then Charlie had the gull to be crying that angel forgave her after she fucked up, like shut the fuck up… it’s like if viv looked at a bunch of chars that had the optimistic care-free ‘ish personality and thought that meant making her as pathetic as a baby crying that they didn’t get a lollipop from their mommy.

Like I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s literally gone to a point where I think Orel Puppington (aka the 11 yo Christian kid who worships Jesus and gets harmful lessons from other Christians) makes a better Charlie Morningstar than the Charlie Morningstar herself!

And that thought is justified when he tried to go help people in Sinville, “Kat he ended up turning into a pimp at the end of the episode” yeah but AT LEAST HE TRIED TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING! Which leads me to another question���.

> How is Charlie gonna redeem sinners exactly???

Like honestly, I’m serous with this one. How is Charlie gonna redeem these guys?

I ask this because in the series, she barely does ANYTHING to help these guys, she and the rest of the characters just sit around and then do an activity that is the equivalent of something you would do in kindergarten except it’s with ADULTS.

I don’t know about you but If your idea of helping people is doing just that and nothing else, then the only thing the people around you are gonna get is them being annoyed at first and eventually walking out with thinking your not helping them but rather just treating them like a baby who doesn’t know anything, and the only thing your gonna get personally is nothing because you did dick all.

Like other than that she pretty much just whines about sinners not going to her hotel and oh gee I wonder why, it’s not like your not doing anything to help these sinners not committing sins anymore, oh definitely not, your absolutely being helpful.

“Oh but Kat! Charlie was born in hell, how can she know how to help people? She’s not from the human world so, she wouldn’t exactly know how to help these people!” I would tell you to look at the world building for the series and it’s spin off but that’s a whole other can of beans that I don’t wanna cover today and this is already getting to long, so y’know what? We’ll go with that.

If Charlie didn’t know how to help people and was trying to figure out what she can do to help sinners get better, then why didn’t she just ask her employees for suggestions? Y’know, the other sinners who were from the human world and had experiences while they were alive and such?

Yeah, I get that not all of their advice would be exactly good or healthy (since they’re sinners who’ve done many bad things after all) BUT ITS AT LEAST SOMETHING FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

She literally does nothing, she just expects you to immediately get better after some improvisations or whatever other activities she does and once you’ve done one nice thing then boom you’re close to redemption.

> Conclusion.

Charlie Morningstar is (like I said in the beginning) probably one of the worst characters in the hazbin hotel series, she at best a stereotype of the “everything is sunshines and rainbows” character tropes and at worst is a pathetic excuse of a main character and is nothing but a rotten shell of her character from the pilot.

I would go on about how her design’s also bad but I’m sure millions of people have already said the same issues and I’ve already posted my redesign of her before the show dropped.

I might plan on posting a rewrite of her or maybe explain my problems with another character or episode but I don’t know.

But until then, I’ll see y’all later!

[talenlee]

The Three Ways Ranma Saotome Ruins Your Gender

You might have imagined that I had mined out Ranma 1/2. For three years now, I have been using February as an excuse to talk about one specific romantic comedy from the 1980s that left permanent marks on my brain not because of how it represents romance but because of how it created an English-language fandom space and how that fandom space helped to raise me from my status of Barely A Human Ex-Cultist to Capable Of Talking To Humans. Between multiple How To Be Articles, covering Ranma, Akane, Ukyou and Tarou, an article connecting Akane Tendo to the idea of hyperreality, talking about the subreddit’s repetition of history, weird things that just happened in it, shipping lanes discourse, and of course, also a Story Pile article about it, you might imagine that maybe, maybe, I’ve tapped out the well of Ranma 1/2 conversations.

Of course not.

Of course not.

What I want to talk about today, what I want you to consider, is three different ways in which Ranma Saotome, specifically, just ruins your gender relationship, even not in the ways you think.

Way Of The Mirrored POol

First of all, Ranma is a guy who so often says the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong moment. It isn’t hard, reading a Ranma issue, to recognise the point where all Ranma has to do, for a single moment, is hold his tongue or say something nice. Anything nice. Anything nice at all. Just say sorry, dude, it’s right there, you can just say sorry and walk away from the problem you just caused!

It doesn’t take much, reading the manga, to get this series of object lessons about looking at the way that a thoughtless guy so often walks into saying something silly. Sure, you can take his side and justify what he says, but the way the story so often shows the sequence of events building up to him saying the stupid thing, it doesn’t take much to see just how often he is saying something stupid.

Look: Ranma is a boy who was raised by an absolute goober to reach the ideal of masculinity that was espoused by another even absoluter goober, and the result is a guy who will fight anything in an attempt to prove that he can fight everything, and that’s why something like two thirds of all fights in Ranma 1/2 are Ranma eating dirt for biting off what he couldn’t chew and then finding some way to win the rematch. This is not a subtle subtext, this is just the text, Ranma is a guy who loses a lot and does so because he’s stupid, and the ways he’s stupid are because of not listening to people or communicating clearly with them, especially when he’s embarrassed by something.

This also includes all the times he gets up to schemes in an attempt to mess with someone. Usually, this desire to mess with someone comes from a good place; Ryouga, for example, is usually up to something untrustworthy when Ranma is trying to get in his life and fiddle it up with some scheme that involves crossdressing. Thing is, even if he’s doing it with a good motivation, what he’s approaching is inevitably a very stupid way to do it, because he’d rather do that on his own than talk to someone and ask for help, and he knows that crossdressing works for him because he’s really hot as a girl.

Ranma is a guy who would rather temporarily be a girl than confront the way he’s being a crappy guy.

And that leads to:

Way Of The Two Paths

‘Does kissing Ranma-chan make you gay,’ longest newsgroup version of a schoolyard debate, with a special this is time sensitive air to the whole experience. Ranma Saotome is a dork of a boy but also his girl form is the same personality, same dork, same rude thoughtless butthole who may be very understanding of how guys are, and also shaped like a very hot girl.

At that point, if you have a very strict and binary view of gender and its roles, you may find yourself wondering: Hang on, but she’s a he! I mean that girl’s a guy! I mean –

And that leads to the question of: well hey hang on does that bother me.

Does it bother me to imagine kissing that girl, who is in my mind, already, we are accepting, a quite hot girl, but also her personality insists she’s a guy? And if that doesn’t bother me, what does bother me about the idea of kissing someone who insists they’re a guy?

This is a path that leads to finding out that actually, pronouns and gender are much more relative terms than you might have imagined. Then you might find that when you navigate that thought to its end point, you’re not actually bothered by kissing someone who considers themselves a boy if you think they’re hot.

There are some defenses at this point, some mental structures that can support people to consider this: That hey, it’s not a matter of finding Ranma’s body hot, the fact he’s a guy is the thing I find directly unappealing, and that can be useful for grappling with your heterosexuality and finding there are things about gender that you care about, and it’s not just bodies. But then that’s just one part of the hard mode that Ranma can introduce into your thinking, which is almost the obvious one of:

Way Of The Serene Egg

See, this is where you probably thought I was gunna start but no, this is not a thing that Ranma made me examine. Well, kinda.

See, the thing he makes you contemplate is the question, ‘well how inconvenient would a naniichuan curse even be?’ And for me, well, I know my thinking was ‘not that inconvenient, because I don’t deal with cold water all that often, and I don’t live somewhere there’s a lot of cold water, and I don’t go swimming.’ To me, the question was to consider it in terms of how often the curse would be on.

Whereas for many people, that thought, of the practicality of avoiding a girlform, doesn’t even occur. It’s a lot more about ‘could I live with a girlform,’ which can bring with it follow-along thoughts of ‘well, wouldn’t it just be easier to stay in girlform all the time?’ and then ‘I wouldn’t mind being a girl all the time,’ and then the final form of this consideration of ‘what if I wanted to be a girl all the time?’

Conclusion

Look, I’ve said in the past that Ranma 1/2 is not a very queer text. I think the way I’d rephrase this though is that Ranma 1/2 is not a very intentionally queer text. It is a story that was written by someone pretty isolated from the queer culture of my now who kind of just unthinkingly stumbled her way into talking about a host of issues relating to queerness that also, because the story was magical and comedic, got to very successfully interrogate a whole host of different ideas about how boys are boys, how boys might kiss boys, and also, importantly, how sometimes boys aren’t boys at all.

There’s a lot of stuff we bring to the conversation about queerness in Ranma 1/2, but don’t let that diminish your joy in the work. It started the conversation, but you’re the one who saw something brilliant and special in it.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[ecargmura]

Pokemon Horizons Episode 29 Review - Orla Focus

I always welcome an episode that has backstory. It’s super wonderful to learn more about the Rising Volt Tacklers. This time, it’s Orla’s turn in the spotlight. She’s the mechanic of the team, and also the most needed person on the ship. She’s a very talented engineer and knows how to fix practically everything. So, what happens when she meets a fellow female engineer who needs her help? That’s what this episode is.

Excluding Liko and Roy, Orla is the fourth person of the Rising Volt Tacklers to have her backstory revealed; we just need Dot and Ludlow’s stories now. We had a glimpse of Orla’s past through her connection with Friede, who also happens to be her childhood friend. Orla is Kantonian, but moved to Hoenn in her childhood. While she got a job at a shipyard and enjoyed her work, she wasn’t sure if this was what she really wanted to do in life. The fire in her heart started igniting once Friede asked to build an airship from Ludlow’s fishing boat, as shown in Episode 18. In this episode, Orla’s feelings about that offer is shown as she said that it helped her realize that this was what she wanted to do. It’s always nice to read stories about people trying to find their true purpose in life; this is essentially Orla’s story.

Orla really likes machinery of any kind and knows how each parts work. When stumbling upon Karna’s Pokeball factory, she essentially acts as her mentor to teach her how each part of her factory works. I do like that she instantly knows what these parts are and how to utilize them; she even got Karna’s partner Magby helping out. Just seeing two female engineers bonding over machinery is a nice feeling; I really liked seeing this friendship budding.

Karna is a really cute character. She essentially a Pokeball otaku but some of her creations are absolutely useless; who the heck needs Bomb Balls if they’re just going to explode on you? I like the fact that even though there is a Pokeball factory in Kalos, that doesn’t stop her from having her own factory in Galar with her own creations. The fact that she designs everything on her own is an amazing feat in itself. As a creative myself, I understand that passion. Despite her geekiness when it comes to Pokeballs, she has no idea what the Ancient Pokeball is; she’s just fascinated with its design. I think that’s a good factor because it does factor in how mysterious these balls are. In addition to her cute appearance, Karna is voiced by Saki Fujita. Fujita is known for being the voice provider for the iconic vocaloid Hatsune Miku. She’s also a rather known name in the Pokemon anime as she voiced several characters in past series like Anthea from the Black and White anime, Lyn (the girl who swapped her back with Bonnie on accident) from XY, and Pikarla from Sun & Moon. Having her guest again for another character makes me wonder why they haven’t casted her for a major role yet; she’s super talented.

In terms of our main duo, Liko and Roy had their fair share of spotlight. Liko was worried about whether Orla would be leaving the group, but I did feel as if it was unnecessary. I know that she’s still a kid, but she should know that Orla is a necessary presence in the airship. Liko was the one who had asked about Orla’s past while Roy was testing out the prototype balls before starting the conflict of the second half of the episode. I did like that Liko figured out Galarian Weezing’s type before scanning it on her Pokedex and learned its actual typing. She’s a lot smarter here than she was in the previous episode; I’m amazed.

I could complain about Friede and Captain Pikachu saving the day again, but I decided to give up. It’s essentially a recurring element at this point and there’s nothing I can do about it. Whatever the episode, Friede will always swoop in and save the day. He’ll always be the hand-holding gameplay for Liko and Roy. At least he did something cool and showed off his knowledge of Galarian Weezing and their love for smoke.

My only gripe for this episode was Liko and Roy not asking Karna about her knowledge about the Hisui region as she knew about the balls from back then. It was pure missed opportunity; they could’ve had some clues about Kleavor, regardless of how small it could have been! Other than that, this episode was enjoyable. Karna was a nice character of the day and it was nice seeing her similarities with Orla in terms of love for engineering and machines. What are your thoughts about this episode?

[lia-land]

House of Earth and Blood

4.5/5 stars

*Spoilers for House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas.

This book is 4.5 stars overall because I enjoyed the pacing, but the last 10% or so was more like 3 stars.

First, I have no idea what the world building is about, but I still really liked the story (I read this amazing Reddit post for a summary of the world building after finishing the book). I don’t think the world building needed to be this complicated. I would have been just as immersed even with 40% less detail. I don’t know why I had no idea who the Asteri were until the Summit. I just assumed Micah was like Supreme President or something. I didn’t realise there were only 7 Asteri until I read that Reddit post. Or is there 6 now? I gave up on even trying to understand how the situation with the human war overseas fit into everything. No idea what that is about but I’m assuming it will become relevant later. I think a big part of the confusion is from how we’re given so much information all at once, rather than being given it when it’s necessary. For example, when Bryce summoned Aidas like halfway or so through the book and we get told about the hierarchy of Hel and where Aidas fits into it. It was relevant then, instead of being given to us as random information at the beginning of the book. It’s the same level of confusing as the Throne of Glass family trees. I started this book 4 days before my law dissertation was due and the dissertation used less of my brain power than understanding this world building did.

Danika and Connor’s deaths were so well written! The whole part before the two year time skip was brilliant. Same vibe as when a movie has a very long intro and you just don’t know it. I really did not see the deaths coming, especially so early on in the book. SJM did such a good job of setting the characters up. I was so invested in Danika’s life and was even a bit annoyed at how predictable it seemed that Connor and Bryce would be endgame. I was so happy to be wrong.

I was slightly put off when I found out it’s another detective trope, but it was executed well, and then it became another cliche detective/murder mystery that is linked to an illegal drug. Again, I enjoyed it, but it’s been done so many times and I expected more from SJM.

The only part that I was bored was towards the very end during all the fighting scenes with the demons in the city after the portals opened. It also felt a little bit awkward picturing everyone at the Summit watching Bryce fight. I couldn’t stop imagining a Hunger Games situation. Particularly from the Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie. The helicopter pages were especially boring and just too action packed for my liking.

I think I would have enjoyed the whole thing about Bryce secretly having starlight a lot more if I hadn’t read Throne of Glass before this series. I’m so bored of SJM making a plot point out of the main character knowing something big that the reader doesn’t. I just don’t think she has ever executed it well (except maybe at the beginning of A Court of War and Ruin if we count that); it always seems too convenient and lazy. I can never get too immersed in SJM’s books because I know that as readers, we never have all the information, so even the near death scenes will never actually end up bad. Personally, it would make my reading experience so much better if she stopped pulling this lazy tactic because she doesn’t want anything truly bad to happen to her characters. Or at least give us all the information and then write a less lazy plot. I think she just didn’t tell us about the light because it would have been too obvious to us at the start that Danika linked Bryce to the Horn somehow and half the murder plot twist would have been diminished. I don’t understand how Bryce didn’t link that together herself since she knew that Danika knew about her light and the Horn needed it. I was so ready to give this book 5 stars until that. If it makes your story too predictable to give readers necessary information at the start, then change your plot because the light and the grinding of the horn to tattoo into Bryce’s skin was far too convenient.

I got the ick so bad when the ancient prime was talking about love being the most powerful thing in the world. If I hear that ‘through love, all is possible’ quote one more time… (update: it does indeed continue to come up in the next two books).

I think this is a rogue opinion but I want more of Prince Aidas. I’m actually really hoping we’ll get another ACOTAR situation and Bryce will end up with Aidas (Update: upon research, it seems like this isn’t actually that unpopular of an opinion). Hunt just reminds me too much of Chaol from ToG and I don’t really care for him. “Sweetheart” is so hard to read and out of character for him. I read a review on Goodreads where someone said they enjoyed Bryce and Hunt when they were interacting with any characters other than each other and that’s exactly how I feel. I am 99.9% sure the Aidas/Bryce pairing isn’t happening but I’ll keep reading for the hope of it. Even until Micah’s death, I was waiting for her to take him up on that dinner offer. I do like Bryce and Hunt together but they’re a boring pairing compared to the other possibilities. Even Bryce and Tharion would be more interesting.

[georgemagazine]

Loving Thy Neighbor: The Path to Inner Peace

Have you ever stopped to think about what it truly means to “love thy neighbor as thyself”? This commandment, given by Jesus and recorded in Matthew 22:35-40, holds timeless wisdom. It’s not just a rule but a way of life that, when practiced, can lead to immense peace, spiritual growth, and well-being. Yet, as Shelley Allen points out in the article “Loving Thy Neighbor Is Loving Thyself,” this commandment often feels daunting. So, why is it so challenging, and more importantly, how can we unlock the profound benefits of genuinely loving those around us?

Understanding the Greatest Commandment

At the heart of this passage from Matthew, Jesus highlights the two core principles of Christian living: loving God with all your being and loving your neighbor as yourself. While the first part may seem natural for many, the second part often feels more complicated. Shelley Allen writes that most people’s initial reaction to this commandment is to think it’s difficult, mainly because “neighbors are people, and people can be rather difficult.”

But that’s exactly the point of the commandment. Love doesn’t require the people around us to be perfect; rather, it demands a commitment from us to do our best, despite imperfections. As Allen puts it, “We want to please our Lord, so even when we don’t feel like it, we commit to doing our best.” And in today’s fast-paced world, that’s not always an easy task.

Today’s Struggle with Loving Our Neighbors

Let’s be honest—it’s sometimes easier to ignore our neighbors altogether. We live in communities where many of us don’t even know the names of the people living just a few feet away. Some of us don’t engage simply because we get lost in our own routines. But the underlying issue is more significant than that. It’s about missed opportunities for connection, empathy, and well-being.

Shelley Allen makes a thought-provoking point when she writes that “if we knew how good ‘loving our neighbors’ is for us—physically as well as psychologically and emotionally—we might do more than simply ‘give it the old college try.’” The benefits of embracing this command go far beyond just making our neighbors’ lives better. In fact, loving others brings positivity back into our lives in ways we often overlook.

The Hidden Benefits of Loving Others

There’s debate about whether loving one’s neighbor is spiritually or emotionally fulfilling—turns out it’s both. Scientific studies back this idea up, showing that acts of kindness and empathy can lead to reduced stress, a greater sense of connection, and even improvements in mental health. When we extend kindness and compassion to others, we often experience the ripple effects internally as well, benefiting from the deeper purpose this brings to our own lives.

For example, greeting a neighbor with a smile or offering assistance can brighten their day while reinforcing our own sense of well-being. Acts of love and kindness are powerful tools for building a healthy, connected community, and it all starts with the individuals who make the effort to love—even during difficult moments.

Overcoming Barriers in Loving Our Neighbors

Of course, some days the idea of loving our neighbors seems far from easy. Modern life can build walls that make it hard for us to connect. Whether it’s differences in personality, conflicting viewpoints, or general disinterest, there are roadblocks in the way—much like traditional fences between houses. However, understanding the deeper meaning behind the commandment can help us overcome these barriers.

By loving our neighbors, we are acknowledging their humanity, their imperfections, and their worth. It’s not about perfection or agreement—it’s about a basic choice to offer kindness and empathy. And when we make that choice, we often find ourselves receiving kindness back in turn, creating a positive ripple effect that can transform both our local communities and our inner worlds.

Get Your Free Copy of George Magazine

Curious to read the full article and dive deeper into why “Loving Thy Neighbor” is so important? George Magazine is offering a free copy of Issue 23 - Collector’s Edition (This copy available for a limited time for free)where you can find Shelley Allen’s complete article along with other insightful stories of wisdom, faith, and personal growth.

With this free issue, you’ll gain eye-opening perspectives on impactful topics such as the meaning of loving one’s neighbor, the challenges of modern-day living, and how small acts of kindness can lead to profound transformations in your life. Each page is designed to encourage deeper thinking and reflection.

Click here to get your free copy of George Magazine now!

Find Wisdom and Inspiration in Each Issue

George Magazine isn’t just another publication—it’s a source of meaningful stories that speak directly to the heart. From the words of thinkers, spiritual leaders, and everyday people sharing their journeys, every issue offers a collection of articles that challenge readers to reflect on their beliefs, values, and place in the world.

By reading Shelley Allen’s “Loving Thy Neighbor Is Loving Thyself” and other powerful pieces in Issue 23, you’ll unlock wisdom that isn’t just relevant for today but can guide you throughout your entire life. Don’t miss out on what could be an important read for you and your family.

Order your free copy now!

Why This Message Is More Important Than Ever

In a world where we increasingly feel disconnected, Shelley Allen’s article is a timely reminder of the importance of love—for yourself, for your community, and for your connection to something bigger than yourself. Learning how to love your neighbor, even when you’re reluctant, is more than just an act of kindness. It’s an essential part of building a better world and a better you.

So, what are you waiting for? The wisdom you need is just a click away.

Grab your free copy of George Magazine today and dive into articles rich with insight, reflections, and moments of inspiration.

Get your free copy here!

[venus-is-thinking]

A Narrative Defense of Eden Culprit Theory

Hello everyone! 

As I’m sure many of you know, I, among others (notably @accirax, @1moreff-creator and @thebadjoe) believe Eden to be the culprit of the Chapter 2 murder case. I’ve seen a fair number of people say they aren’t convinced for one reason or another. While I fully understand people who don’t buy all the evidence/the insane contraptions we’ve come up with or people who are in denial, I was a little surprised at how many people I saw say that it would be bad writing for Eden to be the killer here. 

While others are fully entitled to their opinions on who the killer is, I want to address this claim. Personally, whenever I’m reading a fangan, I always believe that I shouldn’t consider any killer to be “bad writing” until I see how it’s actually written. After all, there can always be a key twist you’re not expecting to make it actually make sense. Plus, in Eden’s case, I actually fully believe that all the building blocks of a narratively successful killer are already put into place. So, in this post, I’m going to attempt to back up my claim that Eden being the second killer actually makes narrative sense, and it isn’t bad writing either.

Because fangan writing is subjective and what any given author believes is the right move varies, I’ll be doing my best to support my claims with similar content from the canon game trilogy (given that that’s a pretty standard baseline) and from what we’ve already seen of DRDT thus far. That should (hopefully) give us some fair perspective into the sorts of narrative decisions the creator would want to make.

I’ll be going through various points at which I think something could or could not be bad writing, so hopefully that’ll provide some much needed structure to this theory.

Topic 1: Motive

I want to say this early: I do not think Eden is secretly evil. I think that in the context of killing games, “good” people can end up being killers, and I think that’s where Eden’s headed. I understand why, if some people have only seen Eden killer theories in the context of her being evil, they don’t like it. I don't like it either. I think it completely misinterprets her character.

For now, though, I want to talk about what motive she does have. There’s the fact that Arturo is threatening her, obviously. If she feels there’s a genuine threat to her safety, it would be decently reasonable to decide that, if her priority is her life, she’d rather try to get away with a murder than let herself be taken out by Arturo. 

There’s another potential motive out there for Eden that might be enough to push her over the edge. That being, we know she cares a lot about her friends and relationships outside of the killing game too. 

A lot of people, I think, have seen the theory floating around that goes “Eden is trying to leave to get back to the girl she kissed.” I’ve also seen it mentioned that this could be problematic, given that it could be saying “being gay = becoming a killer,” but I think there are several reasons why that doesn’t hold up.

First of all, we have a lot of canonically LGBT cast members. Nico is nonbinary, Whit is bisexual, and in the most recent Q&A, other characters such as Ace, Veronika and Eden herself were also all confirmed to be LGBT+. Given that Eden isn’t the “token gay character,” I think it’s a lot safer to make her a killer without sending the message “if you’re gay you’re a killer.” 

Secondly, I think that there’s more to Eden’s motive than just whoever that girl is. I think the girl will likely be part of it and be relevant, given that it’s Eden’s motive secret. Because it’s the Chapter 2 motive, the motive secrets should play into things in general. But, it’s not like that girl is the only one from Eden’s past that she cares about, right? 

Eden cares about her family, as we see in the scene where she talks to Levi. We know that Eden cares about her friends, as we clearly see within the killing game. We know that Eden cares about this girl. I think it’s safe to say that, for gay reasons or not, Eden has a lot of people she’d fight to get back to.

Rather than using her motive secret as the only way of justifying the “Eden wants to return to her previous life” motive, why don’t we look at other secret Eden content?

I’m talking about the secret quotes. I assume most people have heard about them by now, but basically, if you go to the characters’ profile pages on the main tumblr account and inspect elements, each character has a secret quote that you can find. Eden’s secret quote is “You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try.”

We haven’t really seen much of Eden trying to go back yet. I guess you could say that when she makes breakfast with Levi, she talks a lot about trying to get the group back together and back to normal, and that isn’t unrelated. Still, I think it makes a lot of sense if Eden is someone who’s focused on the past. After all, Eden’s talent is clockmaking. To the extent her talent influenced her personality/character themes, it seems like time is an important thing with her. Trying to turn back the clock and return to her life before the killing game would make a lot of sense thematically. 

I suspect that Eden’s secret quote relates to the fact that she tries to go back to her previous life by escaping the killing game. “No matter how hard you try” definitely sounds like she goes to pretty extreme lengths, but she still fails in the end. That would be when she’s caught as the blackened and executed; she never gets to go back. It’s precedented for secret quotes to directly relate to how characters died; both Min’s “I wanted to save you” and Arei’s “Because that’s what friends do” tie into the way in which they arrived at their death. I could definitely see it being the same for Eden.

Interestingly, there’s another reason to consider that Eden might be extra-motivated to leave the killing game. That point is that Eden has been shown to be the main person fighting against the killing game. For example, she and Hu brainstormed ways to deal with the Chapter 2 motive. 

That doesn’t really tell us anything though, right? It’s just trying to manage the killing game from within. That’s not it, though. It’s actually a repeated thing that Eden is constantly looking for ways to obstruct the killing game.

Even the plan to bore out the killing game, the one Veronika tells us couldn’t work because she’d get too horribly bored, originally came from Eden. I fully believe that there’s a reason we’re being told every other scene that Eden is working towards ending the killing game is that Eden has extra incentive to want the killing game to end, and that’s to try to return to the life and loved ones she left behind.

I also think it’s worth mentioning that, in the canon games, every single second killer commits their crime due to previous attachments that go beyond the killing game. Mondo kills because of the promise he made to his now-dead brother Daiya, Peko kills because of her allegiance to Fuyuhiko, who wants Mahiru dead due to the death of his sister Natsumi, and Kirumi kills because she’s actually the Prime Minister and needs to get back to her duties. Hell, Ryoma is even Kirumi’s victim because he doesn’t have previous outside attachments, which makes him feel like a more understandable victim for her crime. If you throw in “Eden has a lot of meaningful relationships back home and, here in the killing game, she misses them so badly that she’d kill to go back,” I don’t think it feels out of place. 

This is pretty niche, but there’s also something I want to look at in relation to Xander and Min. Notably, the pinned comments by the official account in their bonus episodes. 

Xander’s is “Someone who wants to hold onto the past.” Min’s is “Someone who wants to move on from the past.” While this trend doesn’t have to keep up, I think it would be interesting if every killer/victim pair had one of each. Arei pretty clearly wants to move on from the past where her sisters and classmates ruthlessly bullied her. Eden wants to hold onto it, hoping to return, but she can’t go back, no matter how hard she tries. Just an interesting thing to point out.

But Eden’s motive isn’t the only thing stopping people from believing she’d be a reasonable killer, right? There are other things to consider, too.

Topic 2: Story Arc

To be clear here, “Story Arc” refers to how Eden fits into the larger narrative and story of DRDT. I’ll be talking about her individual story and growth later on in the section labeled “Character Arc.” 

For the most part, the larger narrative, at present, seems to be relating to Teruko and how she navigates her trust and relationships with everyone else. Eden is certainly a key factor in that, given that Teruko has basically acknowledged that outright. 

Teruko actively tries to avoid being friends with Eden, given the fact that she’s very nice and it’d be easy for Teruko to be friends with her. To Teruko, that means she’d be opening up the door to get hurt to easily when Eden inevitably dies and/or betrays her. Wouldn’t it only be proving Teruko right if Eden were to become a killer?

Yeah. It would. And that’s the point at the story we’re at. 

I don’t think it would make any sense for Teruko’s beliefs to be strongly challenged in Chapter 2. Like, at some point, I’m sure Teruko will figure out why it’s a problem to not trust anyone. After all, her secret quote is “It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust no one at all.” However, at this point in the story, things are going as she expects.

Think about it this way. Teruko believes that trusting people is opening yourself up for betrayal, and those who she gets close to will betray her and die. Let’s go through the people who have died so far, one by one, and see how they match up against that.

Xander: Was Teruko’s closest friend. Betrayed her by trying to kill her, then died. Check. Min: Was Teruko’s biggest supporter after she got stabbed. Betrayed her by actually being the killer, then died. Check. Arei: Previously shared Teruko’s worldview that being nice will just screw you over. Opened up and became friends. Had that friendship used against her to kill her. Check.

It definitely seems like, thus far, we’re validating Teruko’s worldview, basically as much as possible. No killer would validate her worldview more than Eden. That would make Arei an even closer parallel to Teruko (the person who she most tried to befriend was the one who tried to kill her in the end), and it would introduce another would-be friend as a killer.

Eden: Was Teruko’s biggest supporter after the first class trial. Betrayed her by being the second killer, then died. 

It looks an awful lot like Min’s, right?

In a more predictive sense, there’s also the popular theory that Charles will be one of the Chapter 3 victims. If that holds true, it’ll be another example in the same wavelength.

Charles: Was more like Teruko and didn’t trust people, avoiding them to stay safe. After rejoining the group and beginning to trust people, he died.

If that prediction is right, it’d mean that the trend continues past the point of the second victim to the point of a third victim, which would mean that the second killer would likely fit into the pattern.

But that’s a whole lot of my opinion, right? After all, maybe Levi or someone who isn’t particularly related to Teruko is the killer, so Teruko stays mostly the same, too. 

I do want to take a moment to acknowledge a bigger critique of this. It’s possible that some people might say that Eden killing here would be too repetitive in regards to Min and Xander. There are some key differences, though. 

Eden was Teruko’s friend after she started being mean and closed off to everyone. Min and Xander never really got the chance to react too much to Teruko’s antagonistic antics because they died before she was really pushing people away. That means it would carry more significance. Teruko has also spent more time with Eden, so their relationship is a little bit more developed. Eden is also someone that Teruko actively tried not to get close to before she killed, which wasn’t true of Xander or Min. 

Plus, I’d argue that it’s also supposed to feel a bit repetitive. This is what happens to Teruko, all the time. This is her life. It makes it feel more real and understandable how she reacts to Xander and Min if we as the audience begin to see and understand, oh, it really is like this every single time. 

Besides all of that, though, there are a few more thoughts that lead me to believe that someone closer to Teruko might be the killer this time around.

One of the biggest points in favor of this interpretation is the MonoCredits. 

MonoCredits are introduced in the scene where MonoTV asks Teruko to caulk the bathrooms. Then, she immediately uses one in the next scene where Charles is confronting her about her more antagonistic ways. At first glance, it seems like MonoCredits may have been introduced solely for that Charles interaction, and as a reason to plausibly get Teruko to help MonoTV out so that she could talk to it, too. However…

MonoTV gave Teruko two MonoCredits. That means she still has one. I wouldn’t blame you at all if you forgot this small detail– and that’s part of why I think the killer will be closer to Teruko. 

MonoCredits, and the fact that Teruko received two instead of one, are a pretty unimportant detail. I wouldn’t expect the creator to necessarily expect the audience to remember that Teruko still has one once we get to, like, the Chapter 4 daily life. I think that, because of that, Teruko will probably end up using this second one sometime soon, so that the audience will have that “oh yeah!” moment when it comes up, rather than an “oh… I kind of remember that…?” moment. 

There’s a very specific scenario in which I think Teruko might use it, too.

It’s pretty specific, but it’s already happened once, right? I think the most plausible situation for Teruko to use the second MonoCredit, if I’m right about it being this chapter, would be if she ends up in a similar situation before the execution again.

I can totally imagine Eden hugging Teruko and apologizing for betraying her trust, and Teruko, in the middle of freaking out, tells MonoTV she’s using a MonoCredit to get Eden away from her, which would then immediately launch into Eden being executed.

I think that could also be the right kind of push on Teruko’s character arc; her desire to get away from Eden led to Eden dying that much faster. It’d be something that could haunt Teruko a little bit and make her start thinking about how she pushes people away and what the potential failings of that are. 

The final reason I have is just, like… overall despair. Chapter 2 is usually a pretty emotionally devastating case for the cast. Taka loses Mondo and Chihiro meets a pretty tragic end; Peko dying launches Fuyuhiko into his grief → survivor arc while Hiyoko mourns Mahiru; Kirumi leaves the group feeling guilty about killing the Prime Minister, plus Ryoma’s death as a result of him loving no one and no one loving him is pretty sad. Chapter 2 is typically a chapter in the canon Danganronpa games where things get worse, not better. 

Then, Chapter 3 is used as a processing point where characters that aren’t in it for the long run are usually killed off, and Chapter 4 prompts the characters to start really moving towards the finale (Sakura’s death spurs people to want to fight and makes Byakuya realize why emotions are important, Gundham’s sacrifice sets the tone for Nagito’s insane Chapter 5 play and Gonta’s mercy kill in Chapter 4 directly leads into all the Kokichi “I’m the mastermind” stuff that happens in Chapter 5). 

I suspect DRDT will follow a roughly similar pattern. Because of that, it would make sense if the creator wants to pick a very emotionally devastating second killer, frequently due to the relationships that character has with the cast. Eden is the perfect pick for this position.

Eden has also gotten A LOT of focus this chapter. Getting focus doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to die right then. After all, Charles, for instance, got a lot of focus in Chapter 1, but he’s still alive. It’s difficult to tell when a character is getting content that impacts their character moving forward and when a character is getting focus because their story is about to end. 

In DRDT’s case specifically, though, the creator seems to heavily emphasize a character shortly before they die. Excluding Teruko, Xander was the most visible character in the Chapter 1 daily life. They focused on Min heavily during the Chapter 1 investigation to make sure that she got enough content in before her death. Between her fight with MonoTV, her heartfelt conversation with David, and the conversations she had post-death confronting David about his secret and defending Eden from Arturo, Arei got a lot of focus just before dying, too. 

Eden is one of the most heavily featured characters, and to me, it feels more like one being set up for immediate payoff rather than long-term. 

For example, David’s personality has shifted in a way that’s very interesting. People will want to see how his relationships with other characters are impacted and get to know the “real him” more before any potential death. Because of that, it makes sense that David’s heel turn is being set up for later, rather than being focus on him before he dies in Chapter 2. 

Eden, on the other hand, has shown us pretty much everything she can with this perspective. If she’s already spent two chapters being nice, happy and supportive, where does she go from there that’s narratively interesting and different? The only answer I can really come up with is “becoming less nice, happy, and/or supportive.” If that’s where her character is heading anyways, then doesn’t it make sense that being a killer could be a succinct way to do it? We already have enough people running around who don’t trust people, and it would feel odd to add Eden to that contingent. 

There’s one more story reason that Eden being the killer would make sense here. Check out the Chapter 2 title screen.

It’s pretty faint, but if you look after the “Glitters,” you can see faint text. It’s easier to see if you crank up the exposure.

You can tell what it is if you squint hard enough. Here’s me tracing it: 

“A Good Person.” 

The original chapter title is “All That Glitters,” which is pretty clearly a play on the saying “All that glitters is not gold” (RIP to anyone who just heard “all that glitters is gold in All Star by Smashmouth and didn’t question it. I was with you there). That seemingly applies a lot to this chapter, with appearances of success not being what they seem. It relates to the fact that J’s celebrity wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and David’s persona was too good to be true. 

The good person interpretation is interesting, too. If you input “A Good Person” into “All That Glitters,” you get “A good person is not gold.” Now, there’ve been a lot of characters who’ve claimed to be or mentioned wanting to be good people over the course of this chapter. However, I think the person most at the center of that is Eden, who’s been called a good or kind person by a lot of people– at the very least, I know Teruko, Arei and Levi do this.

Eden being the killer would be another way to show that people can’t be infallibly good. Again, I don’t think Eden’s gonna pull a 180 and suddenly become evil, I just think she’ll show a little more nuance. Her being suddenly evil does about the same thing for me as her being undeniably good; it reduces her character down to one trait rather than making her a full human. I don’t want her to be a pure cinnamon roll, I want her to be herself. 

Given this chapter title, I honestly think it’d be weirder if Eden didn’t do something notably Not Good this chapter. There could be other options, too, but Eden being the killer seems by far the most likely to me.

Topic 3: Relationships

I want to talk about Eden’s relationships to others in the cast. I’ve already mentioned Teruko a good bit, so I’m not really going to keep going over that. There are two others that I want to touch on.

One, Eden and Hu are known to be friends. They wash dishes together every night, and they generally seem to rely on each other for companionship and mutual help with steering the group in a more positive direction. Hu is someone who hasn’t gotten that much character arc focus, so I think she’ll probably be a bit more of a spotlighted character in the next daily life. Hu has already lost a friend and trusted co-leader in David, but I think it’d be even more interesting for her if she loses both of those people at once. With David in full-on evil theater kid mode and Eden dead as the killer, Hu will be forced to grapple with the fact that both of the people she trusted to help her guide the group not only aren’t helping her anymore, but did so in a way that betrayed her and her trust. 

That’s very speculative, though. The main relationship I’m here to analyze is with Arei, the victim of the case in question.

Arei and Eden have a very complicated relationship. At first, they were pretty neutral. Then, after the cake scene, Arei appeared to be jealous of Eden and her friends for, y’know, having friends. Later, when Eden tries to invite Arei, Arei goes off on Eden and Eden runs out of the room crying. Finally, when Arturo threatens Eden into silence over his secret, Arei shows up and promises to defend Eden and do whatever it takes to assure her that her friendship is real.

This is pretty much the entirety of Arei’s character arc. Because we know that Arei is the second victim, I want to examine that in the context of the canon games’ storylines in Chapter 2.

Chapter 2 frequently deals with the concept of bullying. Kirumi’s kinda doing her own thing here, but if you look at Mondo/Chihiro and especially Peko/Mahiru (and all the lore behind that one), it’s pretty standard. Chihiro is someone who I’m pretty sure has been bullied, and Mondo fits the bully role well enough. SDR2 is the big one, though, with Mahiru being bullied by Natsumi, Sato killing Natsumi because of that, then Peko killing Sato under Fuyuhiko’s command in revenge, and THEN Peko killing Mahiru in the killing game as even more revenge. So, let’s look at bullying in DRDT Chapter 2.

The big and obvious one is Ace and Nico. Ace bullied Nico, and eventually they snapped and tried to kill him in revenge. That means that the creator, at least in this case, opted for a situation where the bullied kills the bully, rather than the other way around.

Arei also bullies Eden notably in Chapter 2, and now she’s dead. I’m not saying that it has to be the same thing, but I think it would be interesting to parallel Ace and Arei and Nico and Eden. Ace, with his fear of death, would have to process just how close he came to being a victim, seeing the same thing play out with Arei, who actually did die. Nico, who’s trying to dodge any actual blame for their crime, would see Eden get executed for doing roughly the same thing. 

That’s something to address, though. What does this all mean for Eden? After all, Eden and Arei were friends now. It seems uncharacteristic of her to kill Arei for any reason. If I’m going to focus in on Eden’s character relationships, I really have to address that part.

Well, my answer is pretty simple. Eden simply didn’t believe her relationship with Arei actually changed. This might seem like an unfair claim at first, but if you look into it, it’s actually quite supported by the game.

Arei certainly thought Eden didn’t believe Arei’s sudden change of heart. She even goes as far as to call Eden out for it in the moment.

That’s not a very good argument though, is it? It disregards everything that happens afterwards, what with Arei explaining more and Eden hugging her and saying that her promise means “more than she knows.” It’s possible Arei convinced Eden during that second segment, so there’s not really any reason to believe that Eden didn’t believe her anymore.

Except…

Charles gets cut off by Whit here and immediately shuts up, which is played off as a joke. It is a joke, but I’ve noticed the DRDT creator is very good at putting in jokes that actually convey important information moving forwards. 

The fact that the creator put in not one, but two references to Eden possibly not believing Arei makes me think there’s more to it than making a joke or moving dialogue along. Whit even phrases it as “you wanna do that later?” which might be a hint that we actually are going to come back to that point of conversation later. 

For the record, I do think it’s also possible that Eden sort of half-believed Arei. She might’ve been committed to a murder plan by that point or something, so even if she thought Arei was being genuine, it’s possible she intentionally tried to convince herself Arei wasn’t genuine. That gets more into character interpretation, though.

Topic 4: Character Arc

This is the biggest one, in my opinion. If Eden is going to die here, what does her story say? Ignoring the big plot beats, Eden should get to have her own character arc, and if this is its conclusion, I want to look at where it went.

In the prologue, Eden is noted to stay positive, but she seems to be the most scared of the killing game itself. Here’s her slide from the official Prologue Recap video: 

In Chapter 1, we honestly didn’t see too much of Eden. What we did see was mostly her being nice and friendly. It was also established that Arei picked on her. Here’s her slide from the Chapter 1 Recap video:

Notably, the creator paired all the characters up for Chapter 1. We already know Arei is going to be important to Eden’s story, whether she’s the killer or not. They did pair up Xander and Min though, so it’s not like it’s impossible that they paired a victim with their killer.

Anyways, that means that, going into Chapter 2, the things the creator wanted us to remember about Eden are that she’s nice, cheerful, and one of the people who defended Teruko. Through Arei’s slide, we’re also encouraged to remember that Arei picked on Eden specifically for baking. (Arei also manipulated Levi in that scene pretty heavily, but Eden is the one they want us to remember.)

Where does Eden’s character arc go from there? Well, I’d say that she basically doubles down. 

Eden basically spends the chapter trying really hard to prevent conflict and stay friends/befriend everyone. She blackmails Teruko for the sole purpose of actually getting to hang out with her, she washes dishes with Hu, she makes breakfast with Levi, and she invites Arei to clockmaking to make sure she isn’t left out again. 

That means that Eden’s story in Chapter 2 is that she’s trying to be the one to get everyone through this hard time.

Because of that, killing seems rather counterproductive. After all, Eden’s been trying to end the killing game on her own terms, right? 

However, it’s possible that the message the creator wants to send us is that the cast isn’t currently capable of being entirely positive and friendly. While David pretended that the point of revealing all their secrets was so that they could get along, that was a lie. Eden being the killer would fit the messaging: with this cast, in this killing game, friendships aren’t a possibility right now. 

Would it be a change in Eden for her to kill now? Yes, of course. That’s how it goes with killers beyond Chapter 1; something changes that prompts them to kill. Like I examined earlier, I believe the motive of getting back to her previous life, in combination with the constant fighting, Arturo's threats against her and her apparent inability to actually make a meaningful change in those around her, would be enough to get her to break and kill in this Chapter 2 position.

I’ve talked about motive, overall narrative, Eden’s relationships and her character arc. That’s pretty much everything, but there’s one more big point I feel I need to touch on.

Topic 5: Eden’s Breakdown

This is what I assume makes people have the biggest problem with Eden culprit theory from a writing standpoint. After all, this is a very emotional moment and feels very important for Eden’s character arc. If she’s the killer, it would all be a lie, and it would invalidate everything we learned about Eden from this moment.

Except, I don’t think that’s fully true. It’s very possible to have a killer have an emotional breakdown moment mid-trial that makes them seem more innocent, but actually very much relates to the fact that they did kill. 

Even if she is a killer, I still believe Eden is a good person. Because of that, I think that she is genuinely haunted by Arei’s death, as well as Min’s. In fact, we know she’s haunted by Min’s death, before any of this Arei trial stuff happened. 

Given the fact that Eden runs out of the room crying after this, I think it’s fair to say that Arei’s words stuck with Eden. Because of that, pairing it with Eden’s breakdown in the trial, we can conclude that Eden feels guilty for both Min’s death and Arei’s death. Because Min’s death wasn’t Eden’s fault, it’s easy to disregard both as her blaming herself for things out of her control. 

It could be genuine this time, though. If Eden is the killer, at least some of that speech has to be fake (ex. When I saw that note, I knew someone must’ve overheard our conversation). However, what’s really interesting to me is what happens after the main part of Eden’s breakdown.

David goes on a little rant about how the victim would have to be incredibly stupid to actually fall for the note– or they’d have to be Arei, who wanted to be friends so desperately that she’d believe anything “Eden” told her. Afterwards, Eden says this: 

This is Eden agreeing with David’s rant. The non-killer interpretation of this is that Eden is just repeating the same thing, saying that Arei died because of her and her weakness. But, if you look at it from a different perspective, the phrasing is… a little odd?

In her speech earlier, what Eden said boiled down to “I couldn’t defend myself, and because Arei was nice to me and tried to defend me, she died.” Then, David says, “Because Arei wanted to be your friend, she died.” That’s basically the same information and logic, right? 

But Eden asks it as a question. Even though she said “it’s all my fault” earlier, this time she asks, “it really is my fault, isn’t it?” That means that there was something Eden didn’t know in David’s rant.

This could be several things, but I think the most likely thing is that, in my opinion, this is the point at which Eden realized that Arei was genuine about wanting to be her friend. Before this, she still wasn’t sure that Arei was being real, and that allowed her to proceed forward with her plan, keeping it together. However, once David, who got to see Arei in her breakdown, confirms that, yeah, Arei did that because she genuinely wanted to be Eden’s friend, Eden realizes that it was her fault. 

Arei wanted to be her friend, but now she’s dead, and it’s all Eden’s fault.

Interestingly, immediately after that last line, Teruko starts talking, bringing us back to mystery-solving mode. However, if you look at Eden while Teruko’s talking, she’s sobbing. 

Most of the time when a character is shown to the side, they’re left in whatever pose they were last in. For example, look at MonoTV making the :| face back there despite it having no relevance to the current point of the trial. In fact, MonoTV has that face for the entirety of Chapter 2, Episode 10. The last time MonoTV talked was in Episode 9, where…

Yeah, same face. It doesn’t change from there. My point is that, switching Eden’s sprite from the face-on, holding her wrist sprite to the sobbing and wiping her tears sprite is a conscious decision. They want to make sure we know that Eden is sobbing after that interaction with David. While that could be prolonged guilt from generally feeling at fault for Arei’s death, I think it makes more sense if it’s her coping with the fact that Arei did want to be her friend, and she killed her. 

Conclusion

Well, that’s my defense of Eden culprit theory from a writing perspective. Hopefully it was fun to read, whether you agree with it or not. Again, my point here isn’t to shame anyone who disagrees or anything, it’s to provide reasoning for why Eden could be the culprit and to defend the creator’s decision if that is the truth of this case. I’d love to hear about any and all other killer theories as well in order to have the greatest chance of catching the real criminal.

[theoreza]

I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to question my romantic identity apparently. Thank you for making this available. While I’ve definitely experienced romantic attraction before, I would like to add my thoughts to a few of your bullet points to share how my experience differs and maybe that could be helpful to someone else who’s also not entirely aromantic in it’s purest form. My notes are in italic/bold. Also, not everything is necessarily a sign of aromanticism, but yet a part of my experience of questioning whether I’m arospec.

Here goes:

You would rather be huggy, cuddly or emotionally intimate with all of your friends instead of reserving your intimacy for just one person.

I don’t really miss a romantic partner as much as I miss my best friend MM whom I just moved to live an hour away from, but whom I used to live in the same building as and see almost every day

You would rather have a queerplatonic relationship than a typical romantic relationship.

My friendship to my best friend MM feels to me like a queer platonic marriage, in my mind, she’s my life partner. Would never want to kiss her.

not understanding the appeal of kissing

Make out sessions have always bored me very fast

thinking about your future and being excited to live alone/with friends rather than immediately thinking about marriage

My biggest dream has for a long time been to live in a village with all my best friends

being annoyed or grossed out by romance in the media

I get tired and sad because they make it seem so simple which hasn’t been my experience

seeing romance in the media as formulaic, saying things like ‘these two characters will kiss once then break up I can tell from the portrayal of their first interaction’ rather than getting emotionally invested.

I sometimes get frustrated that romance on TV just feels like a script, because every story is so similar

your ideal romantic relationship being suspiciously similar to your ideal friendship when you think about it

… my best friend MM

feeling out of place

Feelings of there being something wrong with me, as if I have to kickstart or rekindle emotions and feeling responsible/guilty when I don’t succeed, knowing I will likely hurt the other person. Trying to hack this by researching about how people who thrive in long lasting relationships manages to keep it going for so long

you never get why your friend doesn’t just break up with their partner(s) (and if you’re asked for advice, your most common thing to say is break it off), after all why would you stay if it’s not working out? (assuming the relationship is non-abusive)

I love a good breakup

also urging friends to confess to crushes to avoid painful pining, because why would you wait?

100% relatable. Having a crush is painful and time consuming, right?

for your crushes, you either confess very soon after realizing, to “get it out of the way/it’s out in the open now/avoid needless pining,” or never confess because “unsure of crush/what’s the point/dating is kinda dumb and I’m too young/it could have consequences for our friendship.”

Mostly the first one

however, either of those actions are never or almost never because of you wanting to know if they like you back

Yeah, just to get it over with

interpreting any interest when you want to get close to a person of a different or opposite gender as a crush, then “oh I just want to be friends with them!” then crush again, then friends again, and you can’t decide

My feelings feel flighty and unreliable

trying to decide the above point by deeply analyzing how physically and emotionally close you get with them, giving it a lot of thought to what you want to do with them in the long-term and not so much what a first date or kiss would look like

Is this why I overthink and build those damn castles that come crashing down every time because reality can never live up to imagination ???

I remember posts like this being helpful when I was questioning so I thought it might be good to make a checklist of sorts for The Aro Experience:

not picking up on your friend’s crushes

not understanding the appeal of kissing

thinking about your future and being excited to live alone/with friends rather than immediately thinking about marriage

being annoyed or grossed out by romance in the media

alternatively, seeing romance in the media as formulaic, saying things like ‘these two characters will kiss once then break up I can tell from the portrayal of their first interaction’ rather than getting emotionally invested.

choosing not to read/watch something because there is romance

not getting why people say they want a relationship if they don’t have a crush at the time

your ideal romantic relationship being suspiciously similar to your ideal friendship when you think about it

being able to explain your ‘type’ with fashion style, aka caring more about clothes than looks when considering if you find someone attractive

feeling like your views on relationships are more ‘childish’ than your friend’s views are

feeling uncomfortable when family or friends ask if you’re dating/like someone, even if their questions aren’t particularly invasive

assuming other people make up their crushes to fit in or seem cool 

making your own crushes to fit in, or just mindlessly agreeing that  people all your friends like are ‘hot’ even if you don’t think so

feeling out of place and like you can’t contribute when your friends talk about crushes and relationships

thinking people your age are way too young to date, and this view never seeming to change as you get older

This is mostly from personal experience and obviously every aro is different, but hopefully this is helpful.

[momolady]

Oleander the Vampire: Part Two

Tall vampire boyfriend? There’s more.

Female Main Character x Male Monster (both cis)

Thursday evening, I’m in my classroom grading papers, because I’d rather stay late than take any of this shit home. Between my stage performance class and theatre history class, I really don’t have much, but it takes time to go over all this. I leave the building just as the streetlamps flicker on, and I glance towards the STEAM building to see a big figure come out of the building. I know it’s Oleander, so I head over; this will be my first time talking to him in person since Sunday. Since then we’ve exchanged a few texts, but we’ve not talked.

“Good evening!” I call out to him, and he turns to look my way. “I thought that was you! How’s your-” My foot twists on a wonky part of the sidewalk, and I begin to fall over, quickly averting my face so it doesn’t smack directly onto the concrete. Fortunately, Oleander’s strides are quite long, and he grabs me before setting me upright.

“Careful there. Are you okay?” he asks.

I pat myself down. “I think so.” I try to take a step, but my ankle twinges, and I make a sound like a startled puppy. Oleander swoops me up again, putting his arm around me and helping me to a bench.

“Do I need to go get a nurse or something?” He sounds urgent.

“I should be okay,” I take off my shoe and rub my ankle. “I don’t know what that was.”

Oleander watches me carefully, concerned as I try to feel out my ankle. “Let me call you a cab so you don’t have to walk home.”

“I’m fine, really. I just need a second.” I stand up again, and while my ankle feels funny, at least it doesn’t hurt. Oleander’s arms are held ready to catch me again if need be. “I’m fine, I’m fine. See?” I take a few steps

“You sure?” Oleander gives me the once-over. “It popped pretty loudly.”

“I’m okay, really.” I smile up at him. His expression is sweet, and it makes my heart pitter-patter a little more. “You probably have a class to get back to anyways.”

“This is my easy day. I only have one class to teach on Thursdays, so I was actually standing out here trying to decide if I wanted to go to the laundromat and do my laundry, or just go home. You know, grown-up decisions.” He sighs heavily, running his fingers through his pearly-white hair.

“You don’t have a washer and dryer at your place?” I ask.

“No, the place I rent doesn’t have one, and my landlord won’t let me install a set. Luckily there’s a twenty-four hour laundromat near here,” he grumbles, then frowns at my expression. “What’s that look?”

“Sorry, I just kind of thought all vampires were rich. But now I’m realizing that’s only based on what I know from old movies, so… I can help with laundry, if that’s the problem.”

Oleander smiles gently. “Maybe it’d be a good starting point for our lesson on Saturday. I can show you the stitching in my handmade clothes and tell you how I make them.”

“Sounds good to me!” I say cheerily.

The laundromat is nice, mainly occupied by students who float through to check on their laundry. Oleander shows me the seams in his clothes, telling me what each is and why he chose them for certain articles of clothing. After a while we sit, and he shows me pictures of his jewelry on his phone. I’m captivated by his skill, his attention to detail, and how every piece of jewelry is different but certainly has his signatur. He also showed me pictures of his cats. Gomez, Chickpea, and Mort are black, and he also has a massive orange tabby called Diablo.

“I’m excited to meet them!” I tell him. “I’m hoping to get a cat once I get settled at my place.”

“There’s a shelter I can show you, too. It’s where I got my black cats. Diablo was a squatter, and I kept him.” He smiles. “Black cats are usually the last to be adopted.”

“Because of bad luck? That’s stupid,” I scoff. “Morticia was the best cat. Even if she hid in dark corners and tripped me, because she knew it was funny.”

“I’m glad you understand.” Oleander smiles softly.

My heart sputters. “So what do you plan to do to me on Saturday?”

Oleander’s eyes widen, and he rears back. “Nothing to you! I just…” He clears his throat. “I was just planning on showing you the basics of using a sewing machine.”

“Sorry, bad wording.” I say with a chuckle.

“To be honest, maybe this is a good time to air some things. I do think there is a possibility for a relationship between us.”

I inch closer to him on the Formica bench. “You like me?”

Oleander clears his throat again. “You’re cute and bubbly. So yes. I do like you.”

A boy hasn’t said he liked me since a football player in high school said he’d date me if I stopped being a goth. I didn’t, so we didn’t. “I like you too, Ollie.”

His lips part as he hears this. “Well, then, glad to know we’re on the same page.” He places his hands in his lap, unsure what to do with them. “I’d still like to be your friend.”

“Of course. We can go slow. I’m in no hurry for anything.”  I place my hand over his.

He kisses my cheek when he drops me off at my apartment, and it’s so sweet I feel as though I’ll get a cavity. Once inside, I happily flit about as I revel in the fact he likes me. I have just one day to get through before Saturday, and I feel like I could burst.

Most of Saturday afternoon is spent getting ready. I pamper myself, using fancy skincare samples I got perusing the mall. I do a whole routine and even walk around in a sheet mask while I try to decide what to wear. I want to look dewy and fresh when I arrive.

Once I’m at Oleander’s apartment, I’m greeted by his cats, who I instantly fall for. I play with them for a while before we go back into his office, where he has his sewing machines and supplies arranged. He has me sit down and shows me each of the parts for the sewing machine, and as his big hands guide my tiny ones, I can’t help but think about the pottery wheel scene from the movie ‘Ghost’.

I manage to stitch together a small tote bag, which I’m exceptionally proud of, even if some of the stitches are uneven. Afterwards, Oleander has a surprise for me. “I went and got it out yesterday, and I wanted you to see it.” He pulls out a black velvet box and opens it, and inside is a sea of rubies and pearls.

“Is this Cream and Wine?” I gasp excitedly. Oleander nods, slowly taking it from the box, so I can see how every gem hangs in a brocade of delicate, chandelier-like droplets. “I can’t believe this is actually handmade.”

Oleander’s smile turns coy. “Would you like to try it on?”

I refuse to believe a common creature like me could ever be deemed worthy to wear such a beautiful work of art. “Me?”

“Of course. It’s made to be worn.” He slips his hands around my throat, and I shudder at the intimacy of it. “I made it to symbolize the connection between humans and vampires.”

The metal and gems feel cold against my skin. It falls heavy on my collarbones and sinks in like it belongs, as if the whole thing was made for my neck alone. I touch my chest, feeling the ruby droplets. “Wow. With this, I really feel like a princess.”

“You look like one.”

“Why, sir, you’re going to make me blush!” I have to laugh.

Oleander swallows. “Can I… Do you mind if I kiss you, Holly?”

Oh boy, this is it! And he asked in the sweetest imaginable way. “I mind a lot. But in a good way.”

Oleander’s long fingers brush against my cheek, and his thumb rests sweetly under my chin. He has to kneel quite far, and it makes me feel even smaller. The kiss is soft, barely there at first, but I stretch to assure him it’s okay. He takes a breath as he moves away, looking demure. “Thank you.”

“No, sir, thank you,” I giggle. “I get to wear pretty jewelry and be kissed by a handsome prince? This is my dream come true.” I snuggle up beside him as his cats come to watch over us.

I’m totally smitten with Oleander. We hang out more often after that, and he helps me research a play to do with my small class, showing me books he’s taken from the library about costume design. We kiss and snuggle a lot, but his cats get jealous easily. One evening while we’re hanging out, I get a message update about the Beauty and the Beast party. Oleander sees the look on my face. “Is something wrong?”

“I have a party coming up soon. I’m playing Belle, but the parents want a Beast as well. And I kind of lied and said I had one.” I frown at my phone, deciding to ignore the message until I get home.

“Then why did you accept it?”

“Money! They’re offering a lot. This one is for their son, and the one I did for the daughter was awesome. They tip well, they offer me breaks, and I get to eat the grown-up food.” I beat the heel of my palm to my forehead. “I’m an idiot, I know that.”

“What time is the party?” Oleander asks.

“In the evening. The boy wanted a proper ball,” I grumble.

Oleander’s palm rubs the small of my back. “I could help, if you’re desperate.”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that. It’s really sweet you offered, but…”

“I’m serious. I can put together a costume pretty quickly, and I’m pretty much a proper size for the role.” He says this with a sincere smile. “If the kids are scared, then you’ll still get to play Belle and get paid.”

“You sure? I don’t want your feelings to get hurt because a bunch of eleven-year-olds scream at you.”

Oleander shrugs. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to me.”

I reach for him, standing on tiptoes as he bends over to accept my grateful kiss. “You’re far too sweet, Ollie. I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” he chuckles.

I get a devilish little idea. While he’s still on my level, I whisper into his ear, “How about, after the party, we try fooling around a little?”

His hand on my waist tightens. “Seriously, you don’t owe me anything.”

“I’m serious,” I coo. “Don’t you want to try and see what we can do?”

He gulps. “Of course, but I really wish you hadn’t said this here.”

I give him a smile and another kiss. “Think about it while you make your costume.” I decide to be a little evil again. “Think about me wearing Cream and Wine.”

Oleander stands up straight. “Where’d this side of you come from?”

“It was waiting to get comfortable,” I giggle.

Oleander smacks the top of my head gently. “I’ll try and think about it,” he murmurs. “But just be prepared for whatever I decide. Okay?”

I take his hand and kiss his palm. “Of course. I’m not into it if you aren’t.”

If I’m being honest, I want to confess that it’s been more than a fleeting thought for me. I’ve fantasized about sex with Oleander more than once, and the closer I get to him the more I want skin on skin, tongues everywhere, and the deepest erotic thrill.

The evening of the birthday party arrives, and I get to the venue early to talk things over with the parents. Luckily, they remember me, and they’re so excited to see the Beast when he arrives. When Oleander does, they’re blown away. I’m amazed by his costume, which is a million times better than mine. He even has on a mask to make him look like a beast. “You look incredible!” I exclaim. “You’re prettier than me!”

Oleander removes his mask and bends down to kiss my cheek. “I brought you something.” He hands me a small black velvet box, and inside is a necklace with a ruby topped with a pearl. “I made it last night, just for you.”

I almost want to cry. “This is…”

Oleander places his finger over my lips to shush me. “It’s supplies I had left over, so don’t worry about what it cost me. I made it for you, and no one else.” He places the necklace around my throat. “I’ll take it off tonight.”

My heart skips a beat, but this is a kid’s birthday so I don’t want to get overexcited. As the night wears on, the kids absolutely love Oleander and his Beast. During the ball, he dances with every kid at the party. All of them are enamored by his height and think he’s extremely cool. I feel the same way.

At the end of the night we change clothes before leaving. I sit in Oleander’s car, feeling so pleased as I touch the necklace around my neck. The car is quiet, save for the soft hum of music on the radio and the rush of other cars on the road. “My place?” He asks.

I glance at him, trying to read his expression in the dim light of the car. “Is it okay?” I ask quietly.

His hand touches mine. “We can try.”

I beam excitedly, and have to contain myself until we get to his house. Once there, I notice a nervousness between us. He offers me his shower, and I wash out all the hairspray and mop off all the makeup. I don’t dress again, and just wear the towel when I go into his bedroom. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me, shirtless, with the top button of his pants undone. He looks at me, nearly flustered, then breaks into a nervous smile.

“It’s okay if you want to change your mind,” I offer.

Oleander shakes his head. “I want you.” He extends his hand to me. I take it, letting the towel drop, and feel his skin against mine as he brings me close. His skin is like cool silk. “You’re so warm,” he shudders.

“Do you like it?”

He nods wordlessly, looking into my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What are you worried about?” I ask him.

His hands rest on my hips while I touch his chest.  “Many things, really. You’re so petite.” His lips brush against my cheek. “And I’m suddenly aware of all that I am.”

“You’re Ollie,” I say to him. “You’re sweet, adorable, and tender. What about you has you worried?”

“I'm a giant vampire, Holly,” he growls.

I kiss his neck and he moans, fingers tightening around my hips. “You’re a giant sweetheart.”

He suddenly picks me up with ease, holding me above his head before throwing me into bed and leaping onto me. If it wasn’t for the awkwardly sweet expression, I might be worried. But he looks more afraid than I did. “What was that for?” I ask.

Oleander huffs, sinking down against my chest. “Me being dumb.”

I run my fingers through his hair, sitting up so his head rests in my lap. “Can I be dumb now? Because I really want to suck your cock.”

“Holly!” he whines, muffled by my thighs.

“May I?”

Oleander looks up at me, kissing me softly. I feel something sharp against my lip, and when he pulls away, I see his sharp teeth and the abnormal widening of his mouth. “Don’t force yourself.”

“I’m not. Now, relax. Let me take care of you.” He sits with his back to the wall while I move between his long legs. I open up his pants, already seeing the start of an erection within, and I take my time unwrapping the treat. When his pearly white cock falls out, I’m fascinated.

“Holly,” Oleander moans again.

I take him in my hand, guiding him to my lips before I kiss the glans and move my mouth down the shaft. He’s big, but that’s not shocking considering his height. I moan against him, dragging my wet tongue all the way back up to the head. He breathes harshly, gasping as I kiss him. He trembles, and his cock grows harder. I take the tip into my mouth, suckling him slowly.

“How is it?” I ask him. “Everything okay?”

He looks so unprepared. “You feel amazing.”

I smile proudly. “I’m glad you like it.” I dip down again, licking and kissing him. “You deserve to feel good after how sweet you’ve been.”

He chokes back a moan. “W-what should I do now?”

“You can touch me if you’d like.” I wiggle my rear in the air. “Anywhere you can reach, it’s yours.”

Oleander gulps and his hand stretches out, first touching the top of my head before stroking down my back. His touch is timid at first, trying to be polite while also enjoying the mood. When he reaches my rump, I giggle. “Is that okay?” he asks.

I look up with drool on my lips. “More than okay. Go on.” I dip back down, slurping at him, which makes him cry out. His fingers tighten, sinking firmly into my rear. It feels so good. His fingers are so close.

“Something’s wet,” he rasps. “Something’s…” He finds my pussy, and his fingers dip gingerly into the folds. His fingers glide over the sensitive flesh as his cock throbs against my tongue. “You’re so wet.”

“You made me excited.” I sit up to look at him. “Can I try something?”

He nods, watching as I sit in his lap with my back to his chest. I rub myself against him, glazing his cock and feeling him intimately close against me. “Hot,” he moans deeply into my ear. His arms wrap around me, holding me tenderly as I rub against him. His hard shaft grazes my clit, sending small chills through my body. His moans make me feel powerful. I squeeze him between my thighs and when he comes, it shakes the world. He licks me clean, making me come on his exceptional tongue.

Later that evening, he drapes Cream and Wine around my neck again. I lie naked before him, feeling shy yet so ungodly beautiful in his gaze. He kneels between my legs, kissing my thighs. “What do you think?” I coo.

“Beautiful,” is all he can say before he tenderly bites my thigh.

[huenjin]

soulmate bruises.

you could have been stuck with any other soulmate mark, so why specifically did it have to be the soulmate scars theory?

pairing | lee juyeon x reader (ft. a few of the boyz) genre | fluff / soulmates!au, high school!au word count | 1,654 words warnings | mentions of bruises, swear words author’s note | reposting of an old fic, edited specifically for lover boy here.

"That looks like a real bad bruise," Haknyeon mumbles. His thumb traces the corners of the bruise and you wince, the pain scourging through your nerves, tingling and rushing through your brain furiously.

"Your soulmate must have gotten hit badly," Chanhee chuckles, looking through the photographs in your camera. You frown and curse under your breath. Haknyeon looks through the papers by your side and you look around the photography club you started with these idiots for the school magazine.

"I’ve got an idea," Changmin's eyes glint mischievously as he walks up to your table, having overheard your conversation. "Let's hit Y/N to inflict pain on her soulmate for having hurt her. It's the perfect plan."

Chanhee raises an eyebrow at Changmin but Haknyeon seems to be all in for the plan. Your forehead scrunches in annoyance, your eyebrows furrowing together as you pinch the skin to distract yourself. You groan, mumbling, "Shut up for a second, will you?"

"Fine, spoilsport," the one who suggests the plan says, pressing his lips together in disappointment. He soon began, "My idea was great. All you low lives will never understand."

"I'm going to find this nasty motherfucker," you stand up, determined. The chair pushes back and the table jerks forward as you press your hand down on it firmly. "And he's going to pay for hurting me so much. These bruises take forever to fade away."

Haknyeon stands up soon after, "We just have to find another individual in this city that has the same ugly bruise on their face as she does."

Chanhee and Changmin follow suit, albeit reluctantly. The latter chuckles sardonically, "This is going to be easy. How many people do we even have to search? Yeah, just mere tens of thousands in this city."

Chanhee digresses, "Let's cancel all the nice-looking dudes because our girl here doesn't have good luck."

"You're an arsehole, dude. An arsehole, I say."

"What's with the weird We're Avengers formation you guys have on?" 

Younghoon walks into the room with a cup of coffee and Ray-Bans like he's making an entrance and you roll your eyes. He places the glasses on the table and sighs, "It's cool and everything but Juyeon's hurt, Chanhee. He won't tell it out loud, but yeah, he's hurt and he needs help. The nurse isn't in yet."

"He's hurt?" Chanhee asks, concerned.

"Hurt, oh yes. This is perfect." Changmin chirps and Younghoon raises an eyebrow.

"You're Team Rocket now?" He furrows his eyebrows and glances over at you disappointed, almost as if it is your stupidity that has nurtured them into these. "Anyhow, Chanhee, follow me. The rest of you stay put."

Haknyeon, Changmin and you listen because Younghoon was a mere acquaintance. He was, however, Chanhee's childhood friend, and since he is Chanhee's friend, you have seen Lee Juyeon around — at parties, at the basketball court, in the hallways. And that is it. 

So, why would you care if this man was hurt?

Unless he got hit like a bitch on his face.

Later that night, you hold yourself close, tears threatening to spill from the corners of your eyes. It feels like your ribs are being slammed into something and the pain is unbearable. It leaves you breathless and a little shaky on the ground. You scream at one point and slow winces leave your lips as you try to hold it in.

Haknyeon knocks and walks into your room when you don't reply. He shifts you slightly, his hands rubbing your back slightly as you lightly cry, "I hate that bitch but he must be in so much pain if I'm feeling this much." 

Haknyeon's angry. In all honesty, he gets the soulmate mark and how that should help people be happy but never has it led you to your soulmate, only providing pain along with the entire experience. Soulmates are not supposed to bring pain.

Your teeth clench in pain as you sit up. Your feet dangle for a while before it touches the ground and you stand up, ignoring the pain that seers through your body.

"I'm finding that motherfucker, that's it."

Haknyeon chuckles at your resilience. He helps you stand well and watches your determined expression, mumbling, "The boy's dead meat for sure. Either in your hands or the one that's hurting him."

Finding him is easier than you expected. Haknyeon helps you and the two of you leave the house in pursuit of the man with injuries — a bruised face and now, bruised ribs. You have always wanted to meet your soulmate for, a) he was nasty enough to get himself hurt without bothering about your well being, b) he is your soulmate, and deep down, you want to care for him, heal his wounds, and. . . slap some sense into him because it's a connection and he should respect it. 

You message Chanhee, knowing if you should start anywhere, it's the closest person you know who has an injury.

You: chanhee? [11:23 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: Juyeon's number? here. [11:23 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: [Juyeon's contact] [11:24 PM] You: what the fuck? [11:24 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: thank me later. [11:24 PM] Chanhee is a hoe: don't kill him. but if it makes you feel better, i'm shipping you two and that his bruise is nastier. [11:30 PM]

"It's Juyeon, isn't it?" Haknyeon pipes and you watch his smile curve upwards. "Turns out Chanhee isn't that useless."

"He is. That arsehole didn't tell me till I asked him of it. What if I didn't? Would he have let me go on a wild goose chase?"

Your phone pings again and you groan, albeit very grateful for his existence 

Chanhee is a hoe: [Juyeon's address] [11:36 PM]

Haknyeon laughs, "Knowing him, yes." He drums the bonnet of the car, waiting for you to hop in and when you do, he enters, igniting the engine and zooming away to the address Chanhee has sent you.

Upon reaching his place, Haknyeon wishes you luck and tells you that he'd rather wait in the car and that if you planned on staying the night, then, you should text him so that he could leave. You smile and storm away, trying to build up the rage within you to lash out at your soulmate.

"Lee Juyeon," you slam at his door. "Lee Juyeon, open your door." 

You hit the steel door as hard as you can, unbothered by the pain that now seers through your fist. At this rate, you'll be hospitalized with your soulmate and you could have your first date there. How nice; not.

"Y/N?" he opens the door, and you notice the redness around the sides of his fist. Your eyes widen and the air is taken away from your lungs as you stare wide-eyed at the man before you.

Lee Juyeon is gorgeous. He leaves you feeling dazed like a comet hitting the earth's crater, strong and hard. He is tall enough to tower you and his eyes sparkle with hope. You notice the bruise on his face under the dim street light by his house and you gape.

"It could be you."

"Huh?"

You run back to the car, tapping at Haknyeon's glass. He pulls it down and hands you a paper cup of hot coffee. You look at him with a snug expression. You notice Juyeon watching you with confusion. You take big strides towards the man and open the cup, only to throw the hot coffee onto his chest, in the same area that had you wincing moments ago.

It hits you a second too late. You drop the cup, holding your upper abdomen, your fingers digging into the underside of your breasts as you fall on your knees. You definitely did not think this through. Juyeon merely clenches his teeth tightly, and you realise that with all this experience you both shared, he's the only one who knows how to deal with the pain.

Haknyeon chuckles at the sight, and almost on cue, he pulls his car back and drives a bit away, parking it by a big tree. Juyeon kneels along with you and helps you up, "Let's put some ice there."

"That was a very bad idea. 0/10 would not recommend."

You're holding your chest and your abdomen messily and you're cursing at Juyeon, "Are you a gangster? A thug? Why do you keep getting hurt?"

"A boxer, actually and I keep getting hurt because Sangyeon will not go easy on me. I'm sorry. You must have been through shit," Juyeon's voice is soothing. Like a fresh warm bath with your favorite soap bombs and a ducky. He helps you into his house, lays you on his sofa carefully as he goes to grab ice.

"Maybe this wasn't all of a bad idea," you shout, and Juyeon chuckles. He even laughs beautifully; how? He asks if he could lift your shirt up as he comes back to your side with a bag full of ice. You nod and he lifts your shirt up, grimacing at the purple bruises that have formed by your abdomen and the area under your breasts. Juyeon is too worried to let his eyes stray anywhere else as he mumbles apologies after apologies.

"It's okay," you chuckle nervously, feeling conscious and slightly bad for your soulmate. "At least now I have you. We'll get through this pain together. You can take care of me and I can take care of you."

Juyeon feels his insides bubbling, his chest tightens, and his heart bloom. If this is what a soulmate's love feels like, he could get high on it. His face gets close to your skin and his lips slightly trace the bruises, before placing kisses on it and then, the ice, all while mumbling, "I'd like that. I'd really like that."

[hmslusitania]

Paint it Black

@evanbucxley @arrenemris you guys wanted petty, jealous Eddie stuck in an elevator with Taylor during the blackout, right?

Eddie Diaz has been involved in his share of awkward dinners.

This one takes the cake though. It starts with him showing up at Buck’s loft by himself, and Buck opening the door with that stupid puppy-dog confused tilt to his head that makes Eddie want to do something drastic.

“Where’s Ana?” he asks.

“We broke up,” Eddie says. “Figured it would be weird to invite her to dinner after that.”

“Oh, I didn’t know,” Buck says, which yeah, Eddie knows because Eddie hadn’t told him yet. “I’m sorry, man.”

Which makes…one of them.

The night gets worse when Taylor shows up with her latest story of her investigation into – Eddie misses the details, but he’s discovered that Taylor’s voice somehow is at the exact right pitch that he can’t quite hear it most of the time. Weird how that works.

Buck, bless his fucking heart, feels none of the tension in the loft. Or if he does, he doesn’t react to it. He stays chipper and upbeat and positive and doesn’t comment when Eddie and Taylor trip over each other to help him with making dinner or pouring drinks or to sit beside him on the couch while the food cooks.

But, like, the spot on the couch beside Buck is Eddie’s spot, and if it’s not Eddie’s it’s Christopher’s.

And Eddie…loses the fight.

Taylor’s tiny, and for just half a second, he entertains the utterly absurd idea of just picking her up and moving her, but it flits out of his head almost as soon as it arrives. It’s quickly followed by an unfortunate realisation that it must be easy as anything for Buck to just pick her up and move her when – which is then immediately erased by the second-hand memory he acquired from Captain Mehta that Buck had been able to just pick Eddie up and toss him into the engine like he was a sack of potatoes – which –

He’s saved when dinner is ready, but he feels Taylor’s eyes on him the whole way through the meal.

Annoyingly, they end up leaving at the same time. Buck and Eddie have a shift in the morning, and Taylor has a story to cut before some deadline or other. Eddie would rather not walk out with her, would rather not share the elevator with her – he briefly considers legging it for the stairs but they’re at the other end of Buck’s floor and the elevator is right there and it would be absolutely blatant what he was doing – but if the alternative is knowing she’s staying the night at Buck’s, he’ll deal with the elevator.

They’re both quiet while the doors slide open, the soft whisper of the brushed stainless-steel brushing against the dust guards the only sound besides the simmering mutual animosity between them. They step into the elevator, which smells vaguely of Pinesol, and Taylor presses the button for the ground floor with a shiny lacquered red nail.

The doors close again and the shimmering, irritable silence fills the space. No elevator music in Buck’s building, which is probably for the best.

“So,” Taylor says as the world’s slowest elevator descends. “Is it personal or are you just jealous?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Eddie says. The elevator has faux wood panelling, not mirrors, so he can’t tell if she’s looking at him or if she’s staring straight ahead like he is.

“You either hate me on a personal level, because I’m me or something,” she says. “Or you hate me because you’re in love with Buck.”

Eddie gets as far as a spluttered, indignant, “I am not in love with—”

And then the elevator lurches. Stops. The lights flicker and then die. The emergency lights do not kick on.

“Well that’s comforting,” Taylor says, dry.

Eddie pulls out his phone. Usually, it’s still connected to Buck’s wifi by the elevator, and the connection’s gone. So it isn’t just the elevator.

“There’s a button in here that calls the fire department, right?” Taylor asks, pulling out her own phone and shining it at the elevator panel. She presses the button that should connect them directly to the department, and nothing happens.

“Depending on how wide the power outage is, it might have knocked out dispatch,” Eddie says.

“Great,” Taylor says. “You’re a firefighter, you can get the doors open, right?”

“With a Halligan and a fully functional shoulder?” Eddie asks. “Sure.”

She huffs. “Do you think it’s just this building or wider?”

“How would I know?” Eddie asks.

“So helpful, thank you.”

“What do you want me to do, Taylor? Use my magical powers of divination to figure out if we’re in a building-wide, block-wide, city-wide, county-wide blackout?” Eddie snaps.

He can’t see her face in the shitty half-light of their respective phone screens, but he hears her roll her eyes.

“It’s because you’re in love with him, right?” she asks.

“For fuck’s sake, Taylor, I’m not in love with—”

“Because he’s in love with you,” she interrupts as though he hasn’t spoken. Eddie’s heart stops. “It’s weird, I’ve never really had to vie for someone’s affections before. I can’t say I’m a fan, but, see, he thinks you aren’t an option.”

“He told you this?” Eddie asks and hopes to God his voice sounds normal because it does not feel like it.

Taylor snorts. “He didn’t have to. Do you guys have any idea what you’re like when you’re around each other? It’s obvious to anyone who even meets you in passing, and I know both of you and have a journalism degree. It’s not difficult math.”

“Then why are you dating him?” Eddie asks, swallowing back the lump that’s just jumped into his throat that feels suspiciously like his heart.

“Because I like him,” Taylor says. “And because I like a challenge.”

Before Eddie can say anything rude about Buck being worth more than a challenge to someone, she sighs.

“I’d say you’re going to have to fight me for him, but it’s not going to be much of a competition,” she says.

“You really think my chances are that bad?” Eddie asks and he hates how sad he sounds, even to his own ears.

Taylor doesn’t get a chance to answer before Eddie’s phone lights up with a picture of Buck and Chris together and Buck’s name in bright letters. In the sudden illumination, he sees the annoyed, resigned expression on her face.

“That answer your question?” she replies, and Eddie answers the phone.

“Hey, did you make it out or are you stuck in the elevator?” Buck asks.

“We’re stuck in the elevator,” Eddie says. “No idea what floor. Maybe three?”

“Cool, don’t go anywhere,” Buck replies and hangs up before Eddie can ask where, exactly, they might go.

An awkward silence hangs in the elevator in the wake of the phone call.

Until, finally, Taylor says, “For what it’s worth, if I had to lose to someone, at least you’re as pretty as I am.”

Eddie is still searching for some kind of response to that – coming up absolutely blank – when the elevator doors slide open. Buck, illuminated by a headlamp, waves at them and pockets his keys.

“You have an elevator key?” Taylor asks while Buck pulls her out.

“Fire marshals and captains get ’em,” Buck says. “They’re standard across production lines.”

“Fire marshals have to give them back,” Eddie points out.

“Eh, when I was a probie, we got an elevator rescue and Bobby told me to go open the doors, and so I stood there trying to pry them open for like five minutes before he walked up to the elevator panel and unlocked them with his key,” Buck says. “Chim and Hen laughed at me for about a month every time we got near an elevator. So when I did my turn as fire marshal, I may have made a copy.”

“Of course you did,” Eddie says. He rolls his eyes and is grateful for the darkness so Buck can’t see exactly how fond he must look.

Taylor catches him, though, and for a tense second, Eddie thinks she’s going to say something about it. But Taylor Kelly is a lot of things, but “quitter” isn’t one of them. It might not be a fair fight, and the outcome might be rigged in Eddie’s favour, but he understands then that she’s going to make him fight for it. Fight for Buck.

No worthier fight, really.

“We should check in, see if they want us on shift early,” Buck says, already pulling his phone out to text or call Bobby.

“And I should go investigate,” Taylor says. “I’m sure my station is missing me.”

“Okay,” Buck says. “Do you want my headlamp for the stairs?”

“I’ve got it, but, thank you,” Taylor says. She stretches on her toes to kiss him goodbye – much more thoroughly than she had when they left Buck’s apartment. She arches an eyebrow at Eddie once she’s let go of Buck and Eddie narrows his eyes right back. “See you boys later.”

She flips on the flashlight on her phone and waltzes off to the stairs.

“We should tell all my neighbours to stay inside,” Buck says.

“Sounds like a plan,” Eddie says, shooting a text to his abuela and Chris to ask them to do the same. He doesn’t know yet if the blackout’s reached their neighbourhood, but it’s a better policy.

“So what did you and Taylor talk about while you were in the elevator together?” Buck asks in between knocking on his neighbours’ doors to announce LAFD please remain inside your homes.

“We, uh, came to an understanding,” Eddie says.

“Oh! Good,” Buck says. He pauses. “What about?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie recommends. He nudges Buck with his shoulder and gets a grin in response. “Let’s check in with Bobby and see if they need us or if they recommend we just stay inside and stay safe, too.”

“No one I’d rather weather a lockdown with,” Buck replies, as if the second she stepped into the stairwell, Taylor also disappeared from his head. “Well, except maybe Christopher.”

Eddie laughs, and thinks in Taylor’s direction, may the best person win.

[theothin]

Narrative Brilliance Behind Lumity

Lumity existing at all - on a Disney show! - is already a Big Fucking Deal. But I want to take a look at exactly why it works so well, because Dana and her team are fucking geniuses.

[1.03] I Was a Teenage Abomination + [1.05] Covention

In her first episode, Amity gets introduced in a classic archetype - the bully who gets knocked down a peg. When she returns in Covention, she tries to play that same role again, but ends up making a connection with Luz at the end. She downplays it, but it’s easy to tell that her decision to free Luz from the oath makes for a big turning point. The end of her brief antagonistic role, and the start of a bond that feels all the more meaningful because of the effort and vulnerability it takes from both of them.

[1.07] Lost in Language

When Luz and Amity meet up again, Luz tries to befriend Amity through her siblings, which... does not go well, at least at first. Amity accuses Luz of being a bully, but they end up working together for the first time, and they both see new sides of each other.

So far, pretty standard rivalry-turned-friendship fare. What’s notable, however, is how fast it’s moving. There’s no stagnation, they’re visibly growing closer every time they interact.

[1.12] Adventures in the Elements

Amity takes a while to show up again. She reappears in Adventures in the Elements, and things start getting a lot more interesting before she's even on-screen.

Luz starts the episode talking excitedly about what she’s looking forward to at Hexside: “I’ve got a new crush, and her name is education!” The sentence takes just long enough to let the viewer wonder - is Luz talking about a crush on another girl? A girl at Hexside? It wouldn’t be Willow, since her friendship with Luz has stabilized by now, and they have an easy enough time meeting up already. So instead, it brings to mind the girl Luz has been actively trying to build new bridges with - Amity.

It turns out Luz wasn’t actually talking about a person at all. But for anyone who’d tried to guess Luz’s crush and come to the cleanest answer, it’s enough to suggest another perspective on Luz and Amity’s relationship, and to wonder if there was a reason Luz portrayed her interest in learning as a crush on another girl.

When Amity does appear, she backs up this reading. For the first time, she starts an episode being friendly towards Luz, while Luz goes through a second round of poorly thought-out schemes to try to get closer to her. Once again, they work together to sort things out, and Eda comments at the end of the episode about their banter being adorable.

At this point, there’s some notable implications, but nothing concrete. Not yet, at least.

[1.13] The First Day

One episode later, everything changes again. Luz and Amity’s direct interactions are about the same as in the previous episode, but...

Amity: “So, you two go to the same school now. That doesn’t change anything.”

Luz doesn’t seem to pick up on what this means, but it’s a big, flashing, rainbow signal. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fictional character talk this way about someone they didn’t have a crush on.

At this point, Amity starts being the one to show more overt interest, but it’s backed up by Luz having showed interest first. Also Luz ends the episode by getting a rainbow uniform, for good measure.

The previous episode raised the question of if TOH was a show that would depict queer characters. This one answers it with a resounding yes, and changes the question to - exactly how queer is it going to get?

[1.15] Understanding Willow

With all that on the table, Luz and Amity meet back up properly in Understanding Willow. For the third time, the two of them team up for a magic adventure, but this time they set off on it together, rather than only joining forces once they have to. This time, it’s Amity’s fault rather than Luz’s, and she has to grapple with her mistreatment of Willow as well as accepting the vulnerability of showing Luz memories she’d rather hide.

Ultimately, Amity acknowledges what she did wrong and pledges to do better for Willow. Willow accepts the gesture, and the two of them start re-building their connection. This is important for both Willow and Amity, and also important for making it so that Luz continuing to get closer to Amity doesn’t undermine her friendship with Willow.

This episode also introduces Willow’s two dads, and shows Amity blushing at Luz. The show is getting increasingly visibly queer, which sets the stage perfectly for...

[1.16] Enchanting Grom Fright

Luz shows up to Prom - er, Grom - in an incredibly queer outfit, and tries to fight the monster in Amity’s place. When Amity has to jump back in to help, Luz finds out that Amity had wanted to ask someone out but was afraid of being rejected, offers to be her date instead, and the two of them fight the monster while dancing. They’re no longer at the event and they could have fought just fine without dancing, they just wanted to do it.

At the end, Amity’s note becomes visible, and we see that the person she’d wanted to ask was, of course, Luz. Between the buildup in the previous episodes and the “pretend date” in this one, that was the only answer that would make any sense. Still, having it stated outright like this was huge.

It’s at this point that Dana started publicly talking about TOH being queer, and about how she’d wanted to make a point of making characters like herself.

[1.17] Wing It Like Witches

Fans commented before the episode aired that “Wing It Like Witches” shortens to “WLW” - and based on the episode’s content, that sure seems to have been intentional. Luz hasn’t picked up on Amity’s interest in her yet, but throughout the episode, Amity keeps getting flustered from her interactions with Luz.

Amity: “Me? On a team with you? Running around in cute uniforms? Sweating?”

This episode functions as a buffer of sorts. With the previous episode spelling out the situation of Amity crushing on an oblivious Luz, we get to see things simmer for a bit before developing further.

This is the point where Disney itself started referring to Luz as bisexual. Like Amity’s note, it logically followed from the setup - she showed interest in Nevareth back in 1.02, and there was every reason to expect her to reciprocate Amity’s feelings - but confirmation is still a big deal, especially from The Evil Mouse itself.

[2.02] Escaping Expulsion

After showing up several times in a row throughout the school arc, Amity takes a backseat for a bit while Luz takes on the Emperor’s Coven directly. Which is interesting in its own right, suggesting they’re saving that particular confrontation for a bigger climax, but I’m here to talk about Lumity.

When Amity returns to the story, her parents finally make a proper appearance, and they try to murder Luz to keep her out of the way. Amity, of course, isn’t having it.

Amity: “Get away from my Luz!”

In addition to Amity standing up for Luz (as well as Willow and Gus) in a bigger way than ever, Luz starts reciprocating Amity’s blushes, making the clearest confirmation yet that she reciprocates Amity’s feelings as well.

[2.05] Through the Looking Glass Ruins

At this point, Luz’s interest in Amity is becoming obvious enough in-universe that Gus, as well as Amity’s siblings, all point out the implications of her visits to the library.

Luz: “Hey, Ed. Hey, Em. Picking up Amity?”

Emira: “Nah, looks like you got that covered.”

The exchange with Ed and Em also sets up another neat little narrative trick. Edric brings up the topic of his upcoming date without specifying the date’s gender - with Luz and Amity already in focus, the viewers are primed to wonder, rather than making the assumptions that might apply to other shows. This makes it easier to catch when Emira refers to Edric’s date as “they”. It’s important to lead viewers to a mindset that will help them pick up on signals, and that’s something TOH does masterfully both here and with Lumity in general.

Once they meet up, Amity helps Luz sneak into the restricted section of the library, and they end up basically planning a date to the human realm. They get caught and Amity gets fired, leading to Luz going on her own mini-quest to get Amity forgiven for it. Completely offscreen, because at this point her skill at those quests is plenty well established.

Meanwhile, Amity changes her hair from the way her parents demanded - a classic way to change a character’s appearance to illustrate development. When Luz returns, successful, Amity gets up the courage to kiss her! And then freaks out and runs away while Luz collapses in a queer daze.

[2.06] Hunting Palisman + [2.08] Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door

It’s all set up. Luz and Amity’s feelings for each other are obvious in and out of universe, they’re both still too nervous to believe the other one is interested but after that kiss, they should be able to sort things out the next time they meet up. Easy sailing to the finish line, right?

Enter... the challenger. In Hunting Palisman, Amity stays home, and Luz comes face to face with her new rival. He’s a jerk “prodigy” who’s associated with the Emperor’s Coven and faced off against Luz once before, but this time they get tangled up in a mess and have to work together to escape. The two of them start to build a complicated connection, get a scene that teases the idea of a kiss, he turns out to be the same age as Luz and to be getting pushed around by an abusive family member. Seems weirdly familiar, somehow.

The idea of the show actually going in that direction is, of course, ridiculous. Luz/Hunter doesn’t have the narrative weight to compete with Lumity - it’s only caught up to around Lost in Language, while Lumity has far more substance by now. Regardless, making a show of competition - even one clearly meant to lose - makes the conclusion that much sweeter, by making it harder to take it for granted. It also serves as a nice little reminder of Luz being bisexual.

[Edit: There’s plenty more to Hunter than this, of course. For this post, I’m focusing specifically on the brief ship-teasing.]

That brings us to Hooty’s episode. (I also want to point out Raine and their relationship with Eda being another example of queerness in TOH that’s fucking revolutionary in its own right, but that’s a separate topic so I’ll leave it there.)

Luz: “You’re scaring the echo mouse! And if he’s not happy, I’ll never make my way into Amity’s heart.”

Luz starts the episode by (accidentally) talking about her crush on Amity, and also revealing that she thinks Amity reciprocating would be conditional. The line comes up again later in the episode, just to make sure the viewer remembers it.

Amity’s interest in Luz is clearly not conditional. They’ve both made up their minds and the viewers know it, even though neither of them is convinced. But Luz doesn’t believe that - her previous encounter with Amity probably didn’t help - and that’s what drives her freak-out over the “Tunnel of Love” Hooty creates for them.

Luz thinks she has to ask Amity out the right way, which leads her to destroy the tunnel and accidentally make Amity think she isn’t interested. It’s another wrench in the progression, and there are stories where that might really set things back. But TOH isn’t one of them. It’s proved to consistently resolve these kinds of shenanigans within the episode where they start, including the conflicts Luz and Amity have run into at times.

At the end of the episode, Eda tells Luz to not worry about getting it perfect and just go for it. Which is quite good advice, especially for someone you already know well. If they’ve already formed a clear impression of you, they probably know enough about whether or not they’d want to date you that how you ask isn’t gonna matter much.

Luz asks Amity out, she agrees, and as Hooty says, it’s adorable. We see them hanging out and studying the echo mouse together afterward, and Hooty refers to Amity as Luz’s GF, which - honestly, with how it still seems to be a thing for straight girls to say “girlfriend” to refer to girls they’re friends with, “GF” might be a more clear term.

And that brings us to the present. We’re just 27 episodes into a 46-episode show, and with all the skill Dana and her team have shown so far, I’m sure all the main characters are in for a bunch more excitement by the time we hit the finale. TOH has been blowing me away so far, and I can’t wait to see what else it has in store.

[sxfik]

lets talk about joon hwi's "i'm grateful for her"

disclaimer: as always i might be making a stretch but this was just my interpretation. please ignore any typos or grammar mistakes. also credits to @cathartichaoss on a previous post of mine for bringing this up and it really got my thoughts rolling on this scene!!

okay i know we're making fun of joon hwi's "i owe her" bit but on a real note, i don't think that is meant in a we're just friends way like we're seeing it.

in most romance kdramas, the declarations of love are more explicit and often exaggerated, but what we have to remember with law school is that the drama isn't centered around romance. solhwi is a portrayal of a realistic friends to lovers arc, where their love is gradual and the shift from friends to lovers is blurred together. their relationship is growing in the background of the main plot, which is why we see their relationship develop through smaller moments (getting drunk together and sol revealing her issues with her grades, working side by side to solve a case, sol using joon hwi as a person to bounce ideas off of at the legal clinic) rather than grand gestures (by grand gestures i mean very explicit declarations of love, buying flowers, kissing in a very dramatic moment).

for those who have watched vincenzo and was a chayenzo shipper, you'll see that sol A and joon who's relationship grows very gradually throughout being there for each other, and i think most notably, this show doesn't show a point where "everything changed for the two of them" or one moment where the realized they loved each other (similar to vincenzo and cha-young's relationship). joon hwi has very gradually grown to like her presence and we can see that from their bickering friendship in ep 1 to now where he is on call for her at any time, putting up cctv for her and making hangover soup when one is drunk. much like a realistic friends to lovers, there is no one moment where they fall for each other, they've actually been falling for each other the whole time.

this brings me to the scene where sol B asks "why are you trying so hard to persuade me? why do you care so much about my roomie?" and he replied that he is "grateful for her." As we've seen from the previous episodes and even the events building up to this scene, Sol B isn't a very expressive girl. BUT she still cares about her friends in the study group, seen through her comforting ye-seul in the way she could and her standing up for sol A when her classmate calls her an ex-convict. in the same way sol A shield's her roommate, sol B does the same towards her. i believe that sol B knows that joon hwi is in love with sol A; pretending otherwise is a disservice to her intelligence and keen mind. her asking joon hwi why he's trying so hard is more than just a simple question. what she's asking here is "why are you in love with sol A? what is it about her that you like?" in a protective way. i interpreted it as her asking what his intentions with her roommate is. sol B is looking out for her roommate in her own way and asking why he likes her.

and joon hwi knows this, he understands what she's asking so he gives her an honest answer without his explicit confession. he tells her how grateful he is for her and it flashes to a scene that displays sol A's courage, her resilience, her loyalty, her compassion. she is making a risk because of him, and their study group. and the anger she expresses in assemblyman ko's involvement in the ruination of prosecutor seo, who joon hwi idolized and loved so much, connected with him. he's seeing that she cares so much for him and seeing her so passionate and loyal is the reason why he is grateful to her. you can see the camera shift to his expression during this scene and it looks as if he's truly seeing her for the very first time. this scene is showing the qualities that joon hwi loves the most about sol A, the characteristics that he admires and made him fall for her.

then of course we have the "i owe her. and i don't like owing people." i believe that this is conveying his shock at how much he actually cares for her. i believe before that moment he flashes back to, he assumes it more as a schoolboy crush, rather than him actually being in love with her. he's expressing that how he feels with sol A is new to him and the way he feels for her is different to anything he has felt before (therefore explaining why he says why he doesn't like it/he isn't comfortable with the realization). and sol B goes through with the justice mock trial with the understanding that joon hwi is in love with sol A and understanding that he is the right one for her roommate.

ultimately, solhwi nation, do not be afraid. we will be getting our endgame couple and having a good ending for them. they have so much development throughout the show, and this scene was a confirmation that there is something between them and an official confirmation of his feelings for her.

[cinnamonest]

Since people actually liked it here's the continuation of the modern Xiao camgirl!darling post I cut from the original, as promised, most if it's under a cut. Here’s the original post. I didn’t think people would actually like the camgirl concept so I thought I was rambling too much and cut this part out lol but here it is now!

Tws: derogatory language/female slurs, mentions of reader being a cheater, reader is promiscuous, murder, incel-y mentality (our modern boy would be a 4chan user, look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong) and mentions of upsetting realistic things, this one's darker than the first part. If you're bothered by other modern stuff for being too realistic best avoid this too probably, involuntary pornography ---------- Coming up on one year since you gained your most loyal subscriber, you get a rather... Unsettling request. He has something he would like this month, in fact, he adds a few hundred to the regular amount (he's been saving up just for this) and asks for just the answer to one simple question. What's your name?

Your real name, he clarifies. He doesn't need a last name, nothing like that. It would just... Make him feel closer to you. He avoids using the term "anniversary," even though that's what comes to mind. He also doesn't tell you that he already knows, that this is just a test of your honesty. For someone who's so cautious, you would think you would think to give a fake name whenever you go to coffee shops for them to yell out, or change it on the packages you get. You hesitate. And it would be easy to give him a fake one, yet, you don't really think about it too much, you kinda think about that as an afterthought, what you should have done, but your very real name is typed out and sent before you really process it, and you feel a sort of unease, but it's already sent. No big deal. He can't do much with just your first name, right? If your name is common, you feel pretty safe, but even if it's a rarer one, surely there are other people with it, right? He's happy though. Kinda surprised, really, that you didn't lie to him. Maybe you trust him?

You're not stupid, you know something is wrong, you're becoming paranoid. And you connect the weird feeling to him, bc he goes radio silence for several days leading up to finally taking you. This dude who used to respond to any messages you sent within 10 seconds suddenly... It's like he disappeared? He hasn't responded to anything you send him ever since you said your name. You send him messages saying you haven't heard from him in a while and you're worried... The way you word it makes it sound like you're worried about him, but you both know that's not what you really mean. You're hesitant and suspicious of every guy you meet. You buy pepper spray and start carrying some around, you nearly spray a poor guy who you thought was trailing you, turns out he just lives in your building. He makes note of it. He watched you buy it, and is quick to realize you always hold it in the same hand. That must be your dominant hand, that's an important mental note for the future, since you're more likely to try to attack him with that hand. He'll remember. He has a note in his phone with information like that. Height, weight, birthday, social security number, parents' names, school she graduated from. All in little bullet points. He adds dominant hand to the list. He's not worried at all really. Already watched you struggle to carry packages he could lift with one hand, your strength doesn't cross his mind as a threat. At first he just doesn't know what to say, and that's why he stops responding, he feels too awkward but... He starts to enjoy the weird feeling of power the whole situation is giving him. You're worried, you're constantly paranoid, and it's because of him. Now you finally understand the same feeling you inflict on him, how you consume his thoughts every waking moment of every day. It used to irritate him that you held so much power over him, while he meant nothing to you. Now, the tables have turned. You're forced to have him constantly in your mind, whether you like it or not, just like you are in his. It's giving you what you deserve. It gives him a feeling of significance. He matters, even if it's not in a good way. And he keeps telling himself that once he's all you have, he'll matter even more. He's smart enough to realize that if you're paranoid, you might have mentioned him by username to someone else, so to ensure he knows what to do from this point, he has to sneak into your apartment at night as you sleep. It's so unbearably tempting, you have no idea -- you're right there and so vulnerable. He has to hold himself back because he knows that if he so much as touched you, he couldn't hold back. But it's torture, standing there so close, watching your chest rise and fall as he fiddles with the phone. Even when he unlocks it with your thumb, he tries to hold the phone from an angle to do so, even if the skin of his hand grazes yours, it would be too much. You have a lot of contacts across your messages and a bunch of different apps. You have one guy in your online chat you've exchanged far more messages with than anyone else! Hundreds upon hundreds of messages, and huge paypal cash drops, who the hell is -- oh, wait, that's him. Nevermind. But, to his pleasant surprise, he's the only one of your... customers that you regularly talk to, the rest just have a few paypal notifications or clarifications on your policies, but no actual conversations like you have with him. Of course, that's literally part of your deal, he's literally paying for it, but it makes him happy nonetheless. But as he goes through your personal messages, he finds that you are... in no shortage of options. Like, holy shit. It was kind of expected. You *are* really pretty, that's how you have so many followers after all, but this is a lot. So many contacts named some variation of "DO NOT ANSWER!!!" or "creepy guy that forced me to give him my number at the club", etc etc. Plenty of unsaved numbers texting you to never get a response. You've ghosted enough dudes to make your place haunted. It's... kinda awful, really. It also kinda hurts his heart a bit more than he expected. You have so, so, so many options, even without the cam thing, he's more insignificant than he even realized. ...Well, for now, at least. He'll be significant to you soon enough. And then you seem to have a sort of "boyfriend of the month" deal going on, aside from that. Plenty of male-name contacts whose last exchange is a "don't talk to me again!" message from you, plenty of messages corresponding to the same time as those to your girl friends about how you can't find a good guy and every relationship ends badly. How unfortunate. See, it's because you choose bad guys. You probably go for dicks and not.... well, he can't exactly pull the "nice guys like me" mentality, he doesn't delude himself into thinking he is one. He's lucid enough to realize that most nice guys would not be sneaking into your house and standing over your sleeping body to stalk your phone as they make plans to kidnap you. He knows he would probably fall under the classification of a creepy guy. He's just too far gone to care. Still, he would be so much better to you, he tells himself, not a cheater or a player like you complain about. To say he resents those kinds of guys -- ones that can do the unthinkable and actually talk to girls, let alone successfully, only to be assholes, and yet girls like you still go for them -- is an understatement. You're basically just a slut, you probably ignore all the guys that would be nice to you, just like all those internet forums he reads talk about. Typical.

Well, those forums also make fun of guys like him who pay for girls like you, but he can't blame them. It *is* kinda pathetic. There is one dude you talk to, though, now. Current boyfriend of the month, from the looks of it. You have a little heart emoji next to the name. He knows it's kinda pathetic that something so simple and insignificant sets him off, but it does, makes him pout and grind his teeth and curl his other hand into a fist. It's so unfair. Some dude you barely know gets to fuck you, and you haven't even known him nearly as long as you've known him! He doubts this dude -- hell, any of your boyfriends -- has put in the same amount of money that he has into you. They fuck you practically for free. And that, unfortunately for you, only solidifies his decision. If you're fucking some dude for a month because they buy you dinner every now and then, if we're going by that scale, then you owe him quite a good deal of pussy. Any hesitancy or guilt he had about the whole thing is gone. And he's a little mad. Keeps grumbling to himself that you're just a loose whore, fucking so many people and putting yourself out there on the internet. He wonders if they even know about what you do. Probably not, you probably don't tell them. Yeah, that sounds like what you'd do. Really, you're kinda lucky that someone like him is so willing to commit to you, since you are a slut. You don't deserve it, but he loves you anyway. And you'll probably have the nerve to be ungrateful for it too. Sigh. On the bright side, by some miracle, it would appear that you have not told any real-life people about him, you haven't sent out any hey if I disappear you should probably look into this creep type of messages. But he can't afford to have you doing so in between now and when you move in with him, so, he decides he has to act within the next 24 hours. While he's here, though, he decides to do a quick sweep of your place. Makes note of what snacks and drinks you like, what brand of toothpaste and shampoo and the like you use, so he can buy some for you. Maybe you'll adjust better if you have some of your favorite things. And then, after days of silence, he sends you a message, says it's fine, his internet went out for a few days. He means it to reassure you, but somehow it makes you feel more uneasy. He has everything planned out, or so he thinks. But you deviate from your usual schedule. When you leave work or class, you don't go home, you go somewhere else, first. How strange. Maybe picking up groceries? He follows from a distance. No, looks like you're going out to eat...? Maybe you're meeting friends or family or -- no that's a guy. Fuck. You must have planned this just earlier today, since there were no messages on your phone. It makes a bitter feeling rise in his gut. He hates that he can't get close enough to listen to your conversation. Well, he hates the whole thing, sits there and seethes the whole time. Watches you through the windows in the parking lot, thankfully you chose to sit outside. Feels his eye twitch and his hand clench every time you smile and laugh. It takes way too long. The fact that you split the bill feels like a punch to the stomach too. Shouldn't you be used to taking guys' money? Oh, and what's this...? This guy isn't the picture on boyfriend-of-the-month's contact. Well, well, well. You really are a whore. See, it's a very good thing he's taking you off the market. You're probably a reckless heartbreaker too. He's doing all the other men of the world a favor by taking on such a burden as you. And it makes him feel far more justified in keeping you locked away, since he has every reason to believe, now, that you'd run off and fuck someone else if given the chance. Halfway through, the guy briefly gets up and runs to the bathroom or something. While he's gone, he sees your face fall a bit. And then he sees you look around. You turn your head from one side to the other. Your eyes scan the area. You shuffle uncomfortably and you bite your lip and your eyebrows furrow. You're scared. You feel like -- no, you know you're being watched and it scares you. That makes him a little happy, for some reason. He wouldn't be sure what to do if you went home with the guy, but thankfully you don't. No big deal, this was just a bump in the road, he still beats you back to your building and he still goes through with the original plan. Even better, now that it's even darker outside. If anything, now he's got extra aggression and testosterone in his blood, running over the events in his head and going through some... very forceful and violent fantasies. The message he sent had you uneasy, and it's also how you immediately know what's going on when it does finally happen. You keep telling yourself you're being unnecessarily paranoid, that it's nothing, maybe that guy actually got his life together or got a girlfriend or something. Things like... What you fear, don't happen in real life, that's stuff that only happens in movies and stuff. You keep calling it that or it in your head. That won't happen to you. It's not going to happen. The series of events that play out in your head, scenarios you try to push out of your mind. Sure, in the movies it always takes place in the stairwell, but that's fiction, so you go up the apartment stairwell as always. You're not gonna let a bunch of B-grade old films scare you. And it's always some dude standing and waiting, but that nice young boy that you've never seen before is just leaning against the wall, scrolling on his phone, he only glances up for a second as you pass by, he's not a threat, you're being paranoid. You flash a smile and a little wave as you walk by, he doesn't return either, just looks back down at his phone. See? This guy doesn't even care, you're being paranoid for nothing, you tell yourself. But as you make the turn to go up the next set of stairs you hear the click of a phone being put on the lockscreen, a few metallic footsteps ringing out in the open hall and echoing, coming up right behind you, but for that split second you expect a tap on the shoulder, maybe he has a question, it's not like movies, it's not like movies, you're not gonna get a cloth shoved over your face and--- Well, it's not exactly like the movies. You were prepared, but it all happens in one motion - one hand grabs the hand with the spray and twists it, making you drop it, the other wraps some material over your mouth. You were prepared enough that you don't gasp in surprise, you hold your breath and thrash, but it doesn't make any difference, you wiggle and writhe for a few moments but can't even begin to break free, eventually succumb to the lack of oxygen and take a deep breath. It takes a few seconds to settle in, it's not so immediate. You instinctively panic and thrash again, but he has a complete iron grip. The dizziness takes a second to set in. He huffs a bit in frustration and says stop moving, it's fine. It's definitely not, but it occurs to you that that's not something a kidnapper looking for any potential vulnerable girl says. It's a poor attempt at comfort. It's someone specifically looking for you. And if that wasn't enough, he says your name. Your very real name. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him after all. But the worst part of it all is that there's not a single doubt in your mind, even in your panic you have the realization, it's definitely him and this is literally exactly what you were afraid of. And it's the last thing that goes through your head. And once he's got you out cold he just takes a sigh of relief. He may have been very neutral faced to you, but in reality he was incredibly nervous. He hasn't exactly made or used chloroform before, our boy is operating on YouTube tutorials here. He's got adrenaline pumping through his veins and carries you with his arms trembling. He's on autopilot carrying you out, but his mind is also consumed by holy fuck I'm touching her she smells so nice she's so warm her face is so close I'm actually touching her-- you get the idea. He feels bad about taping your hands and feet together and putting you in the trunk of his car, kinda. It feels too much like what a really bad person would do to a girl they didn't care about, like he's a trafficker or a murderer or a criminal or something, but that's not true at all. Sure, he's still mad at you for being a whore and all that, but it feels improper, he just has no choice. It's late at night, but he can't risk getting pulled or being at a stoplight and someone seeing an unconscious girl in his backseat, so, trunk it is. But once he's home, to his tiny little downtown apartment (he'll probably be able to move into a better place soon, since he's not paying you tons of money anymore), he takes a quick check to make sure the coast is clear, and drags you out, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment, sets you down on the bed, where you'll be staying. He even washed the sheets and cleaned the place up a bit for your arrival. You probably would not like to see what this place looked like before the five trash bags worth of cleaning was done. He'll probably be more motivated in the future, though, since now he won't be so depressed all the time. And then the adrenaline of the fear of being seen is over, and that's when it sets in that this is real. It's very, very hard to hold back. You're real, in the flesh, he can reach out and touch you with his hands! It feels like a dream. And he realizes he can take this opportunity to do things he would be far, far too embarrassed to do when you're awake. He takes a few minutes to do just that, cautiously reaches out to poke your face, and then run a hand down your neck, your skin is so soft! Your hair smells so nice, he lays down beside you and runs his fingers over it. Puts hands on your body and just lays there in awe of the fact that you're real. He's pretty certain he's never actually touched a human female before now. Everything about you feels soft. Weirdly feminine, which is something very foreign and confusing to him. And he kinda uh... Loses it. Goes buckwild with just taking in every aspect of you. Again, since you're unconscious he can be gross and entirely shameless about it. Peels your clothes off and runs his hands and mouth over every inch of flesh, takes the tape off your lips and presses his tongue into your limp mouth until he's forced to let go to breathe, fingers you and tonguefucks you and sucks on your nipples and your neck. Lays pressed against you and just breathes in your scent. It takes every ounce of self control he has not to fuck you already. But he does jerk off a few times. That way he'll last longer, so it's a win-win. And then... you twitch. Tape goes back over your mouth. And then, you twitch again. And this time, you make a little "mm!" under the tape, you start trembling and he sees you try to pull your hands apart. You whimper. It sounds scared and distressed. He feels kinda bad, but it also makes him hard, and that outweighs any guilt by far. Besides, it's what you deserve after what you did earlier. You tortured him mentally, it's only fair. On the good side of things, you suppose, you don't have to worry about the usual fears one would have over such a situation - you're fairly certain he's not going to kill you, nor sell you. In fact, the bed you wake up on is pretty soft. You're naked and the tape is uncomfortable, but... At least he was considerate enough to give you a blanket. He does care about you, after all. First thing he says is asking if you're awake. Can you hear me? You hesitate a moment, and then you nod. He's a bit new to this whole abduction thing. He wants to make sure he didn't pull a muscle or something with the tape. So... Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Oh, right, the tape. He's not stupid either. You have to promise you're not going to scream. In fact, he's angry enough about earlier that he gets a bit meaner than he originally told himself he'd be. If you scream, I'll make you regret it. Understand? You nod, so he takes it off, holding it close in preparation in case you were lying, but you don't actually answer him, you're silent again for a minute, then just ask a question of your own. You're that guy, right? He's silent for a few seconds, there's no need for any clarification. Finally just says yeah. You just breathe again. Silently. Finally you summon the courage to ask him what he wants with you. And why are you doing this to me? And his answer is fairly simple. What do you think? You don't say anything for a minute, and neither does he. He's not good with words, and you don't really have ones for this situation. It occurs to you that offering to pay him to let you go is probably not the solution. After all, this is the guy that's dumped unimaginable amounts of money onto you, you couldn't even come close to paying him back. You figure maybe, after he gets what he wants... well, you get the courage to ask.  Is there anything... that I can do o-or... anything that will make you... are you gonna let me go, after you....? And the answer is, again, simple, but the one you did not want to hear. No. He's a blunt boy, so he doesn't beat around the bush, but he doesn't torment you by keeping anything from you. In fact, he's already rehearsed this speech a few hundred times in his head. He just wanted to make sure he's very clear so there's no misunderstanding, and while he likes some discomfort in a vengeful sort of way, he doesn't want you to be too freaked out to where you have a panic attack. He says he's just going to... keep you here. He has the things you'll need. He got your purse with your keys, so he'll even run to your apartment after this to go get some of your stuff. You don't need to tell him which number, he adds, he already knows which apartment you're in. He needs you here, he says. And he makes sure to add that it's your fault. If you were never out there selling yourself in the first place, this never would have happened. If you're good, he can make things a bit better for you. But you need to go ahead and accept that you're going to be staying and that no amount of begging or offers is going to convince him to let you go. He can be nice to you, he promises. A better boyfriend than the others. You just have to be a good girlfriend -- you know, obedient and sweet and do what he says. Just like you always were when you talked to him. Just keep being sweet like that and doing the things he tells you to do. You would argue that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are not appropriate descriptors of the sort of relationship he's creating, but you keep that thought to yourself. Instead, you ask, How long are you going to keep me here? Which is a dumb question, since he's pretty sure he already made that clear. Forever. -----

There's a double homicide in the area. Takes place on the same night, and the same diameter of knife is used, so police believe maybe the two incidents are connected. Especially because they do have something in common, one girl. She was romantically involved with both of them. The girl in question's apartment has been vacated, very suddenly, and the girl has disappeared without a trace, taking things with her from the looks of it, so police believe she may be responsible, but other than that, they have no leads. A few weeks later, a video circulates all over the internet. Some famous camgirl finally started making porn, apparently. Just one video, but the description (which was totally written by her, it has to be since it's written in first person right?) says something about how she decided to quit camming, so this video marks the end of her career. She got into a relationship, so she says in the description, so she has to quit. It's roleplay porn, apparently, she's doing a good job at the acting. All tied up and gagged and getting fucked by some big-dicked guy holding the camera. He's silent, but she's making a ton of noise, cums several times. Really good acting, the fear and desperation in her eyes looks so real. Talk about going out with a bang. It gets a lot of likes. Tons of comments about how sad people are she's quitting. And of course, a lot of comments say, what a lucky guy.

[dathen]

Okay I have some complicated thoughts following Melanie’s arc that all build on top of each other and hinge HEAVILY on unreliable narrator interpretations so bear with me

In my relisten I’m at the beginning of s3, and it always shocks me a bit at how quickly she interprets Martin’s interaction with her as hostile.  I’m going to skip over the “it’s understandable, Melanie’s had a hard time in her career” disclaimers since there’s plenty of meta on that already, and instead follow the effects of this tendency: not on others, this time, but on her

(This got absurdly long and covers so many episodes so I’m going to split it into separate pre- and post-bullet surgery posts)

Rewinding a bit, the last time she was at the Institute, she was starting to get along with Jon before he seemed confused about her comment on “the other Sasha.”  It takes her a split second to interpret that confusion as him suddenly deciding to gaslight and mock her, gets angry and tells him there is something seriously wrong with him, and leaves before he can ask what she means.  Given how tenuous their truce was and the fact she and Jon had mocked each other in the past, it’s an outburst that at least has some personal history behind it.

But only a couple episodes later, we learn that it’s not just Jon she responds to in this way.  In TMA 84, she meets our Martin Blackwood!  Customer service voice opposite-of-Jon politeness extraordinaire!  And as soon as he gets confused about the two Sasha comment, she.......immediately assumes that HE is also trying to gaslight her.  She insists that “I’m not doing this again” without giving him a chance to ask or explain, so they miss the opportunity to piece together the deal with the Not!Sasha.  Her doing this with someone she just met shows a much broader pattern than her interactions with Jon.

That very episode, Elias offers Melanie a job, and she accepts despite Martin’s protests.  Later, she accuses them all of them being an “old boy’s club” because she interpreted Martin’s warnings as sexism rather than trying to protect her.  As the audience, we see the unreliable narrator of her perspective at work: we know that Jon and Martin were genuinely confused, and we know that Martin was trying to save her, and that all of these instances were her seeing it as people being out to get her.

Hop forward to the notorious gossip scene in TMA 106.  Here, Melanie complains about Martin being hostile to her.  My first assumption was that this was all offscreen, but after this parade of misinterpretation and comparing to her and Martin’s actual interactions, I have to wonder:

TMA 84, after Martin tells Melanie about the murder, and right before Elias interrupts:

Martin:  Are you sure you’re alright?

Melanie:  Yes!  I just got… God, I’m kind of at the end, you know?

Martin:  The end of what?

Melanie:   Everything.  Friends, clues, savings. Everything.  Options.  There’s nowhere left for me to go . I don’t know why, but…  I just, I just felt that perhaps coming here might help.  And talking things out with Jon.  I mean, I mean he’s awful, but at least he listens, you know?

Martin:   (soft) Yeah.  ...I’m sorry.  Um, is there anything that I could, like, maybe...do for you?

They get interrupted immediately after this, so this was the first impression Melanie was given.  Then, when Elias offers the job, she...assumes Martin’s “I don’t think that’s a good idea” is from sexism, when he’d just been talking about murders and disappearances that caused that very job opening.

TMA 88 

Melanie:   Are you alright?

Martin:  Yeah… Sorry, just a lot of change recently, y’know.  You and John and Sasha and… everything’s gone a bit wrong.  It’s the not knowing, you know?  I mean, Jon’s still alive.  Not sure why, but I’m sure of that.  But Sasha, I…

Melanie:   Yes, it’s… it’s probably, um…

Martin:   Sorry, sorry, I’m...  What do you need?

Next interaction!  Oh this one HURTS.  Martin takes her question literally, and starts telling her why she’s not alright, a reverse of their earlier exchange.  But Melanie came by for a question and wasn’t prepared for an honest answer, so Martin quickly reels it in and asks what he can do for her once again.

Skipping forward a bit in that same scene:

Martin:   Oh, you weren’t here when we took the place over from Gertrude!  It’s been over a year just to get it like this.  I mean, I think the database was on Jon’s list, but--

Melanie:  So how do you track someone down?

Martin:   Oh, oh well, y’know, we’ve a few contacts in various record offices around the place.  Aside from that it’s just… just a bit of detective work, really.  Tim used to do a great line in impersonating people to utility companies!  Heh, the number of times he got them to give him ‘his own’ address--

Melanie:  Right, right… Um, this one, the name is 'Jude Perry.’ Doesn’t mean anything to you, does it?

I LOVE THIS EXCHANGE.  I TREASURE IT.  Having bottled up his emotions, Martin is going in full Friendly Helpful Coworker mode.  There are so many little details here signaling that he’s embracing her as part of the team, sharing anecdotes about Tim’s shenanigans and Jon’s old plans, looping her in as One of Them as he helps her get what she needs.  This is the kind of approach you go to management trainings to get, to help new hires feel welcome and part of things.  But alas, Melanie is in a hurry and wants to cut to the chase, so all this is lost on her.

TMA 98 - I won’t copy it all in here because it’s long, but this is an overwhelmingly positive interaction.  She asks if he’s okay, but he bottles it up and says he’s fine.  This time, she presses, and he admits it’s because of the statements.  Martin ends up asking for help!! and Melanie agrees!  She’s on the way to murder Elias, but she still gets credit for “I’ll ask him to cut you some slack.”  Then she invites him to drinks!

And then.... TMA 106

Melanie:   Anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you.

Basira:  Hmm. I don’t know, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist.

Melanie:   Ahhh. I got the exact same when Jon was hiding out, and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff.  Martin was not impressed.

WAIT WHAT

We just looked over all their interactions!  They were all soft and lovely and welcoming!!  But then we hear Melanie with “well unlike how he is to me, Martin is nice to you.”  This was taken at face value for years, but when you line up all of the above, I feel there is a strong basis to say this is another case of Melanie’s first impressions + over-defensiveness gone wrong.  Just like we saw her initial bickerings with Jon solidify into series-long hostility, her interpreting Martin’s confusion as gaslighting and warnings about the job as sexism seems to have doomed her opinion of him long-term.  We hear Martin being kind and concerned and welcoming, then hear Melanie contrast it as bad treatment.

Recently, a mutual considered this even further to how she talked about losing all of her friends with the Ghost Hunt UK circles:

Melanie:  Even back then, I could feel all my old friends starting to distance themselves from me. ...  I stopped asking the others for help, and I kept my research to myself. I talked to them less and less. By the time I was arrested, I think a lot of them had already given up on me.

I have to wonder...did this sort of dynamic play out here, too?  Did she assume that her friends’ concern was judgment or hostility?  Were they giving up on her, or did she lash out and push them away?  Either way, it’s easy to see parallels to s2 Jon in her description, here, with her withdrawing and diving alone into increasingly risky research without asking for help.  And s2 Jon definitely shared Melanie’s tendency to see offers for help and support as hostile.  (Aside:  I interpret her and Georgie as not very close at this point, like a networking contact rather than a friend; Melanie comes to Jon for someone to talk to about her struggles above her, and Georgie seems to be unaware of all of Melanie’s encounters pre-s3)

And on that downer note I am ending part 1...but PART 2 IS GOING TO BE WAY HAPPIER THAN THIS.  Here, we see Melanie with a lot of people who would have supported her if she let them:  Martin, Jon, possibly the friends she said abandoned her.  But in her effort to protect herself and not let history repeat for how she’d been hurt in the past, she ends up alone and spiraling.