#because... most of them are just a bit difficult

[dovand]

if this resonates with you. if your hair gets weird and frizzy when you brush it. look at me. when you next wash your hair—get it nice and wet, lather it up in conditioner, and comb it through wet. you can get plastic brushes that can live in the shower, or you can use a wide-tooth comb, or you can use your fingers. it will cling to itself, it will start to curl naturally. rinse out the conditioner (it doesn't need to be 100 percent out*). if you have a hair oil (like argan oil or coconut), apply it once you're out of the shower. if you're dry-brushing your hair/shampooing it regularly/sleeping on a cotton pillowcase/wearing hats or hoods/straightening it, your hair is probably pretty dry. find an old t shirt or something similarly soft (and not terrycloth, ie normal towel material) and gently scrunch your hair to dry it. if you're able, a silk pillowcase or sleeping cap or even just a folded-up silk scarf will keep your hair from drying out too much during the night. if you have long hair, don't tie it up tightly while wet—it will curl as it dries and accrue tension and probably break. tie it loosely or not at all. if you want it out of your face, hair clips are your new best friend. there are 1 million fancy, often expensive hair products** and some of them will work but some of them will just be fancy and overpriced. you don't need a super complicated routine—just some patience, an awareness of how curly hair is different to straight, a generous amount of conditioner, and the time to comb it through in the shower. your hair is NOT difficult, it is NOT bad, it is just DIFFERENT.

*is my understanding, anyway. i'm still not an expert so, grain of salt. i try not to fully rinse it out because then my hair just gets dry again but YMMV

**re hair products: argan oil and coconut oil are common ingredients, and quite labour-intensive to manufacture, hence the price. there's a spreadsheet on r/curlygirl of products if you want, but it's mostly US-based last i checked. there are loads of stupid-fancy products with fancy-sounding marketing and lots of adjectives (nourishing! organic! rejuvenating!) but you don't necessarily need anything special. the most important thing, i find, is some nice oil—you can use normie shampoo and conditioner, do your combing through, and then oil your hair afterwards to keep it nice and hydrated. you don't need to finger-curl but you can. (if you have chronic wrist pain, finger-curling might exacerbate it)

OH ALSO—find a hairdresser who knows how to cut curly hair!!!!! if you're in the US this will probably be more achievable on account of there being more Black people—find a Black hairdresser or someone in a Black area! if you're not in the US/somewhere w a Black population it will likely be more difficult but don't be afraid to shop around a bit to find someone who understands how to cut curls. it is worth it.

somewhere out there right now is a kid with curly hair being raised by people who have wavy hair at best and those people are giving them 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner and telling them to dry brush it. and that kid is gonna spend all of middle school and high school hating their hair and moping over the flat iron. they're being told right now that if they don't dry-brush their curl pattern into oblivion every morning it means they're unkempt and gross even though they naturally have the kind of ringlets that a thousand bridezillas would commit horrible murders for every june. it's happening right now it's an absolute epidemic and a tragedy every time

[linxnnalyn]

Dating Rumi HCs

࣪𖤐.ᐟ note -> GOD I LOVEEEE RUMI !!! She is one of my f/o’s now hehehehe

࣪𖤐.ᐟ warnings -> none.

࣪𖤐.ᐟ content includes -> fluff, secret relationship (from the public), you’re her biggest fan, civilian! reader, shows, rehearsals, cuddling, kissing, kissing her marks, pre and post movie.

۫ ꣑ৎ Being in a relationship with THE Rumi from HUNTR/X can be quite difficult. The two of you have to make sure to keep your relationship a secret from the public because of the fans and as to keep you safe knowing that there are certain types of fans that wouldn’t like the fact that Rumi is in a relationship. The only people that do know about yours and Rumi's relationship are Bobby, Mira and Zoey. Not even Celine knows about you.

۫ ꣑ৎ She does not want you to know about her, Mira and Zoey being hunters. It is also another reason as to why your relationship is hidden, as for the demons not to find out about how important you are to her and even her friends. Rumi feels horrible whenever she accidentally misses your dates and uses the excuse that she was busy with idol work when in reality she was killing demons.

۫ ꣑ৎ Rumi adores how close you are to Mira and Zoey. They are her family, her best friends, so seeing you being so close to Mira and Zoey makes her happy. Though admittedly sometimes she gets a bit jealous, she knows that Mira and Zoey would never try to make a move on you and she trusts you completely, but Rumi just can’t help but sometimes be jealous.

۫ ꣑ৎ She loves it when you come by for HUNTR/X’s rehearsals. Rumi already tries very hard, but when you are there, watching as she and the girls practice? Rumi gives more than her all. Once the rehearsal is over Rumi is a bit hesitant to hug you because she is sweaty but will gladly kiss you if you want to, asking if you liked the new song and choreography.

۫ ꣑ৎ Rumi loves having those rare lazy days with you. She loves spending time with you in her room, cuddling up to you as the two of you watch a random movie. Rumi gets so whiney and pathetic when you try to pull away it honestly surprises you how this popular, confident idol turns into a wet kitty when you simply try to pull away from her cuddles

۫ ꣑ৎ She has so much money she doesn’t even know what to do with it anymore, so Rumi casually gives you a black card so you could buy whatever you want with her money. Hell she personally buys you a lot of things she just knows you will love for anniversaries, special days and even apologises when she has to cancel on your plans at the last minute. Rumi always puts a lot of thought in your gifts.

۫ ꣑ৎ Rumi was horrified when you too started stanning the Saja Boys. She knows that it isn’t your fault, after all they are literal demons that hypnotize their fans, but that doesn't mean that it didn’t hurt any less. Of course you were still her number one fan, but as the Saja Boys influence grew stronger it started to affect you even more.

۫ ꣑ৎ Once the Saja Boys and Gwi-Ma were defeated and the Honmoon had been repaired, Rumi knew she had a lot of explaining to do to you. Mira and Zoey offered to be there for Rumi and help her explain everything but Rumi refused, knowing she was the one who had to tell you the whole truth. She is just hoping you wouldn’t see her any differently.

۫ ꣑ৎ Rumi was very self conscious when you first saw her marks. She didn’t know how you would react to them, especially after learning the truth. She was surprised when you accepted her and her being a half-demon, something that genuinely made Rumi cry knowing that the person she loves the most accepts the part of her she has been taught to hide her whole life.

۫ ꣑ৎ The poor woman always gets flustered when you suddenly start kissing her demon marks when you two are cuddling. Rumi can’t help but be on the verge of tears whenever you compliment her marks and call them beautiful. She was taught that no one will understand her and accept her because of her marks, so knowing that you love and accept them means the world to Rumi.

[tywrites]

heavy | mateo manta

pairing: mateo manta x gn!reader

word count: 1,360 (not proof-read)

warnings: reader is implied to have depression

a/n: okay so this is really bad since i haven't written in quite a long time but!! i love him and i Needed to write something abt him. i desperately need more mateo fics lmao. hope you enjoy <33

-----

You rolled over in your bed, the usually comforting plush of your mattress feeling awfully cold today. You sighed, closing your eyes and quietly hoping to just fall back to sleep. Things had been… difficult recently. Losing your job had definitely taken its toll on you – on your mental health in particular. Even when working from home, you still had to make the time to leave every so often and interact with the real world. But with everything that had happened recently with the dateviators, you hadn’t been able to leave at all.

Of course, you still had the objects. And they were great company! Most of them anyway. But it didn’t stop you from feeling a bit… alone sometimes. You sighed softly, finally accepting the fact that sleep wasn’t coming. You looked over to your end table at the dateviators. You had a lot to do. It was really overwhelming, honestly. You hadn’t even met all of the objects in the house yet, let alone made any progress towards realising any. You had made a lot of close friends through them though. And even one very special, different relationship…

Even just thinking of Mateo brought a slight smile to your face, cheering up your bleak mood ever so slightly. If you’d told yourself a few weeks ago that you’d soon be dating your blanket… well, considering your track record with love, it wouldn’t be all that surprising.

You bit your lip, reaching over to the dateviators. You popped them on, blinking at the warm, pink hue that enveloped your vision. You didn’t think you’d ever get used to this. In a second, Betty had materialised in front of you, perched on the edge of the bed – or uh, on the edge of herself. She gave you a soft smile.

“How’re you feeling today, gorgeous?”

You made a face. “Well for starters, I don’t feel very gorgeous,” you reply groggily, sitting up as you wiped a hand over your tired face.

She chuckled. “Sweetie, you’re always gorgeous to me. But what’s got you so down? You barely slept last night, or the night before… should I be offended?” She was clearly joking, but there was a definite tone of concern in her voice.

“Nah, it’s not you, it’s me,” you admit, looking down at the sheets. “I just… I don’t know. I feel so… heavy? I’m so tired, all the time. Which makes no sense, let’s be real, I’m doing nothing all day but..” You trail off, unsure of how to word it. “I just can’t sleep though. I can’t relax. I feel so tense all the time and I don’t see a way out of it. Easier to just lay in bed, I guess,”

She looks at you, worry in her eyes. “Is there anything I can do?” she asked. You try your best to force a smile.

“Not really. I think it’s just… something I have to deal with on my own,”

She frowned. “Honey, I don’t think-”

“I’ll see you tonight, Betty. Thanks for the talk,” you said quickly, standing up and heading to the bathroom, leaving Betty sitting on the bed, her face twisted in concern.

-------------

You’d spent most of the day dodging the other objects. Mateo especially. You just couldn’t bring yourself to talk to anyone right now. You left the dateviators on the table next to you, doom scrolling on your phone until the socially acceptable time to hit the hay. You were planning to go straight to bed, not call on anyone with the dateviators. The idea of bothering any of them, of forcing them to sit and listen to your silly problems was excruciating. But as you settled down into bed, trying in vain to close your eyes and let sleep come for you, there was only one thing on your mind.

You knew how upset Mateo would be if he knew you were avoiding him, especially if he knew it was because you weren’t feeling the greatest. Helping others is what drove him, it was the one thing he took pride in the most. He’d never let you wallow in your own self pity. You glanced at the glasses on your bedside table and sighed in defeat. You slid them on slowly.

You hadn’t even had them on for a few seconds before Mateo was materialising. You didn’t expect him to be right here, waiting for you. He was usually in the living room, caring for the inanimals. That man never took a break. When you saw the worried expression on his sweet face, you wanted to break down there and then.

“Ah mi vida, finally!” He said, sitting down onto the edge of the bed. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,”

You flushed in embarrassment. So he’d been watching your pathetic display of self-loathing, huh? “Sorry, Mateo… I’ve just been, um, tired,” you said, avoiding his eyes. If there was anything in this world that could make you immediately spill all your darkest secrets, it was Mateo’s big, brown eyes.

“I’ve noticed… my love, I’m worried about you. Betty came to me earlier and told me you haven’t been sleeping. Is that true?” He asked tactfully.

“Betty said that?” Betrayal, you thought.

“She was worried. Honestly, a lot of us have been worried. You haven’t been acting like yourself for a while now. If there’s anything I can do, anything at all, you know you just have to ask, right? I would do anything for you,” he said, a small blush rising to his cheeks. “I mean, I’d hope you’d know that…”

You finally look at him, truly seeing the concern on his features. His bedhead was especially messy today, as though he’d been running his hand through it every five seconds. His usual easy smile was replaced with a small frown and you realised something. In that moment, you would do anything to see that smile again. As you were preoccupied with gazing into his eyes, Mateo took this opportunity to place his hand over yours. His touch was feather soft as his thumb gently traced the back of your hand. You could almost feel your anxiety melting away.

You finally spoke.

“Mateo?”

“Yes, amor?”

“Could… could we cuddle?”

You ignore the burning in your cheeks and make your request, looking down at his hand still on yours. You focused on his touch. His touch seemed to make many things a whole lot easier.

At your words, a huge grin took over Mateo’s face. “You never even have to ask,” he said, bringing your hand up to his lips and placing a soft kiss onto the back of it.

You manoeuvred yourself so there would be room for Mateo beside you, turning so your back was towards him. He wasted no time in enveloping you in his arms, pulling you into the comforting warmth of his chest. His face snuggled into the crook of your neck and he took a deep breath in.

“You have no idea how much I’ve missed this. The inanimals have missed you too…”

An arrow of guilt hit you right in the heart.

“I’m really sorry, ‘Teo… I-”

“You have no reason to be sorry, amor. Look, I can tell you’re struggling right now. And there’s nothing wrong with that at all, you have nothing to be ashamed about. But you have people around you that can help share your load, okay? You taught me that when we first met. When you bottle it all inside, it’s just too heavy for one person to handle. I want to help you. Please let me,”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. You sniffled, wiping them away as quick as you could but they just kept coming. Mateo brought up the sleeve of his plush duvet jacket, wiping away the tears as they trickled down your face. You both said nothing. You laid there, wrapped up in Mateo’s arms, feeling more safe and secure than you had in a very long time. If Mateo was there to help you hold it, maybe things could be a lot lighter from now on.

[bitchy-craft]

PICK A CARD: How to make them fall in love with you

Hello and welcome to this new post of mine! In here I will give you a reading on how you will make your SP fall in love with you. I hope you guys enjoy and find this interesting!

masterpost > paid readings > patreon masterlist

for the extended version of this reading and 90+ exclusive and extended pac's check put my patreon

Pile 1:

Your SP already has an eye on you; they look at you sometimes, they are curious about you and find your personality to be interesting. In order for them to fall in love with you it is really important to establish a closer relationship with them first, especially given that most of you all haven’t really talked to this person a lot before. Try and start talking to them, whether you use something to get in a conversation smoothly or just walk up to them and start talking to them. They are already interested in you, and won’t decline having a conversation with you.

First start with forming this connection, due to them already being attracted to you that love will come naturally to them as the two of you get closer.

extended reading > paid readings

Pile 2:

Speak out more about your thoughts and feelings toward this person. You might be a bit more reserved, and if not to them you are very difficult to read; it’s as if you have a wall up with them and don’t show your true thoughts and feelings on matters. Your SP notices this, they can see that you are holding back, and it turn it makes them do the exact same. There isn’t a very close emotional bond between the two, but that is exactly where you need to be in order to have your SP grow feelings for you.

Your SP isn’t someone who grows feelings easily; they don’t allow themselves to do so because they don’t feel safe in doing so. They do not want to get hurt. You need to open up to them in order to have them open up in return, that is how you will let your SP start feeling things they’ve not allowed themselves to feel before.

extended reading > paid readings

Pile 3:

Be yourself, that is all you need to do. Do not be afraid that you might seem weird to others, or that they like you less if you show you can be very emotional. Be hyper if that is what you need to be, be quiet if that is what is most comfortable to you. Speak aloud your thoughts, move the way your body wants to move, try to forget all those insecurities you have on the judgement of others.

Your SP will love your true self because of how unique you are, how entertaining and fun you are. You are interesting and creative, they will be fascinated with you because there aren’t many people like you out there. There is a natural connection between the two of you, as long as you let it simply flow through.

extended reading > paid readings

[zazaiafe2]

Why you can’t manage to assume, and how to truly get there.

If you’re scrolling here, you might be exhausted:

You’ve tried "pretend", "persist", "ignore the 3D".

You may think you’re just "bad" at assuming.

But your problem isn’t your motivation . Your problem is structural.

Today, we’re going to fix that.

First the definition of assume and assumption

1)The big mistake they sold you:

Assuming isn’t just:

❌ Repeating without thinking.

❌ Pretending to believe it consciously.

Assumption is an inner emotional truth, not just a mental speech.

2)Why it’s difficult to assume for some people:

Your unconscious isn’t a blank slate:

- It has deep-rooted beliefs.

- Underlying fears.

- Sometimes even subtle traumas .

- A biological resistance to change (neurological safety mechanism).

=> Sometimes the critical factor can block a bit too.

3)Why do some succeed faster?

Because depending on your neurocognitive profile:

- Some have high cognitive flexibility.

- Dissociation more accessible.

- Less internal criticism.

- Or simply more flexible pre-existing beliefs.

4)Creating an assumption is an internal process, not a performance.

Assume = Feel → Inhabit internally → Emotionally stabilize.

5)First step: TAME your mind.

1. Observe your internal dialogue.

2. Spot your unconscious “yes but” statements.

3. Don’t fight these doubts, write them down.

4. Don’t seek perfect belief. Just seek an emotional openness.

You can write all this down in a notebook or on a piece of paper.

6)Understand the emotional logic of assumptions.

An assumption isn’t necessarily rationally logical.

But your unconscious often needs more emotional coherence.

The key -> Find a narrative that "makes sense emotionally", even if it’s subjective.

Example:

“I shift easily because my brain is wired to explore these worlds” -> emotionally credible, you can adapt it based on what feels most credible to you.

7)Entering altered states of consciousness to integrate.

Why does it help?

- The critical mind lowers.

- The nervous system opens to novelty.

- Beliefs imprint more deeply.

✅Slow breathing

✅ Mild fatigue (WBTB, hypnagogia) (bleu)

✅ Meditation

✅ Light self-hypnosis

All these states are favorable to deeply anchor beliefs.

This is my favorite meditation to enter an altered state of consciousness

8)Effective affirmations

Stop repeating like a robot (unless that works best for you).

-> Speak affirmations that resonate:

- With your story

- With your current emotion

- With mental images that speak to you

- Emotional affirmation = emotional belief

9)How to stop the frustration spiral

If you are frustrated, it’s NORMAL.

But this frustration may delay the integration of the assumption.

Techniques:

- Take a 3-day breaks.

- Simply return to your pleasure of imagining with no goal.

- Reconnect with your initial "why" .

- Do light ECM (altered states) again with no pressure for results.

- Celebrate small progress and reward yourself.

This subliminal is really good to ease frustration

10)Adjust according to your profile

1️⃣ If you are very mental:

-> Concrete visualization + gentle inner dialogue + deep relaxation.

2️⃣ If you are very emotional:

-> Create emotional attachment to your practice (journaling, music, scenes).

3️⃣ If you are dissociative:

-> Use gentle dissociation bridges (hypnagogic floating, strong imagination).

Adjust according to your profile: COMPLEMENTARY PROFILES more detailed

1️⃣ The controlling perfectionist

-> Your need to do well may create tension.

Solutions:

- Work on emotional neutrality before each session (deep relaxation).

- Remember that shifting is not a "performance test".

- Do short and frequent sessions without aiming for "immediate success".

2️⃣ The hypervigilant anxious

-> Your fear of "failing" puts you into hypervigilance.

Solutions:

- Breathing sessions to lower the sympathetic nervous system.

- Expressive writing to release fears before practice.

- Inner validation: "Even if I’m afraid, I can explore."

3️⃣ The sensory hypersensitive

-> You feel sensations and emotions very strongly .

Solutions:

- Use gentle sensory stimulations before attempts (scents, ASMR sounds, textures).

- Positive anchoring : asociate your bed or chair with progressive relaxation.

- Multisensory visualization to facilitate DR immersion.

4️⃣ The skeptical cerebral

-> You over-analyze and block belief .

Solutions:

- Allow yourself "pilot experiences" without belief commitment.

- Focus on immediate sensory experience rather than logical debate.

- Read or listen to inspiring testimonies to create emotional curiosity instead of doubt .

5️⃣ The "cognitive fatigue" / burnout profile

-> You are too mentally exhausted to push yourself.

Solutions:

- Return to ultra-light practices (max 5 min).

- Use passive ECM (altered states) m: soft music, natural hypnagogia, contemplation.

- Accept to just "float" with no specific goal for several days.

Summary: Do not aim for perfect belief.

Seek emotional comfort with your assumption.

Work with your nervous system.

Personalize your methods.

You are co-creating with your mind and your universe networks.

It’s normal to have doubts.

[multiheadcanons]

MERCS, CRYING

scout: scout is… a very snotty crier. just a lot of snot and mucus, his tears are even thick with how much fluid his body is producing so he can cry. it’s only a few times he will cry in front of anyone. he has gotten a pretty decent hold on most of his more volatile emotions. he does a lot of sniffling, and huffing, and groaning, and then he needs a tissue. and he normally is only going to cry if he is pushed physically to his limit. there does come a point where scout can’t keep up. and he knows this. he desperately wants to pretend this is not true, but you can see it in the way his movement is sloppy, and how his breaths are ragged, and as he puts his hands on his knees and gasps for air he looks almost freaked. scout can tell when he is nearing his limit, he just denies it. he denies it until his muscles give out. and then he just lets it go. allows himself to curl up into the tightest ball he can and cry quietly. and when he’s approached about it, it’s a broken response. he’s just tired. he can keep going. and he will stumble up, maybe drink some water if he has it, and continue on.

soldier: a surprisingly proud crier, soldier is normally one who sheds tears of joy. he is not a sad crier, “sad” is not particularly in his emotional wheelhouse. so if you see tears, you’re actually either seeing sweat, stray streams of piss from the enemy sniper’s jarate if he’s on the field, or another, unknown liquid. but for the glory of his patriotism, he will shed a few tears. always cries at the star spangled banner, he just thinks it’s a beautiful anthem. the general emotion of pride also gets his tear ducts moving. if he works hard for an outcome, and he gets it, there is a real possibility he is overcome with emotion and cries a bit. he deserves a little cry, as a treat. does not sniffle. the snot will run down his face like a man.

pyro: pyro has a very difficult time regulating themselves. their emotional outbursts are more likely to be a cause of a lack of food, water, or sleep, more than it is to be whatever is actively occurring that caused the outburst. and when the underlying issue is solved, normally pyro can come to their senses and has to make the rounds to apologize to whoever they may have hurt along the way. but there are times that they simply… can’t pinpoint the underlying cause. or they have just reason to be upset. though the team attempts to mediate, in the case of the latter, it makes pyro more upset that the team tries so hard to placate them. they don’t know if it’s genuine or not. they end up secluding themselves to cry. the mask still doesn’t come off. eventually they fall asleep in their room, and, though still somewhat hurt, will feel better the next morning. they are truly thankful for their team. they try their best to make pyro feel wanted and valued.

demo: tavish doesn’t really cry anymore. he groans and moans and does a lot of bitching and wallowing, but he never really cries. he doesn’t cry unless he’s asleep. there are times where he wakes up and his cheek is wet, and he’s got a headache placed behind his eye, and most of the time he’s not sure what he crying for. the dreams aren’t always terrible, so why does he wake up so drained? a drink usually fixes that, and he goes about his day. nobody really sees him cry unless they sleep with him. because sometimes, the dreams are bad enough that the grogginess feels fair. feels right to be tired when he shoots up with a gasp, and feels the familiar wet on his cheek. he tries to give himself more grace those days. will let out a few sobs of sheer relief when placed and eventually removed from a truly terrible situation.

heavy: arguably the prettiest crier, heavy allows five tears per week, maximum, and these do not roll over to other weeks. these are normally reserved for moments of immense joy. he does not cry to sad things. there is no point. it is usually the most picturesque tear gliding slowly down his cheek. sometimes a choked laugh as he wipes his eyes quickly. he really can’t help but shed tears at sweet scenes. its just so warm. it fills him up with so much tenderness, he’s gotta let a few slide. but just a few. five maximum. he’s gotta spread that out if he plans on having a great week. the best part of it is, because heavy is not crying out of utter sorrow, he doesn’t really mind when people see him shed a few tears here and there. he’s happy! sue him! do something to change that, he dares you. heavy is an aggressive protector of his joy. so truly, try that if you want to.

engineer: dell is a clencher. and a wheezer. and them goggles are not coming off. he will normally attempt to put hands on anyone who pushes him to the point where he wants to cry. he doesn’t… actually cry most of the time. last time he cried was when his mother died, god rest her soul. he is more likely to beat some ass. and if he can cause enough damage, then the tears will remove themselves from his ducts in preference of being sweat on his neck. but sometimes he can’t put his hands on people. and he’s just got to stand there, or sit there, and clench his fists, and huff and puff, and let the tears pool in his goggles. and don’t bring it up if you see it. because he’ll get very defensive. you didn’t see him crying. you didn’t see anything. his goggles were on. and he’s not upset, or hurt. he’s fucking pissed. now get out of the way before you become collateral. don’t take the aggression to heart, he just doesn’t like remembering his body is capable of crying. it’s exhausting for him. and he never feels better. so he doesn’t really cry anymore.

medic: the doctor cries about once a decade. and it’s the worst thing to experience in person. there are more often occurrences where he gets close. and he closes his eyes (because he knows they get puffy), and buries his head in his hands, and you can see him shake. but he is normally able to bring himself away from his hands, take a deep breath, and continue. but he looks like a kid, even at his grown age and intimidating stature. and none of that matters when he can’t stop himself from crying. when it rains, it pours. he cannot stop himself from wailing. loud, piercing sobs. and his face gets red, and his eyes get puffy, and he crumbles to the floor. he squeezes himself, hoping the pressure on his lungs will stop the hyperventilating. it doesn’t. he just can’t breathe, and he’s gasping for air. and if you’re the sorry soul that bears witness to it, he will look at you. desperate, and frightened. and he will tell you he is dying. and he needs help. but he won’t let you touch him. so he just writhes, and screams for you to help him. he begs you until he falls asleep. the best thing you can do is attempt to get him to a bed.

sniper: sniper cries twice to thrice a month. he gets lonely sometimes. he wonders if this is it. and he misses his parents. a very quiet crier. you really wouldn’t know unless you looked at him. and it is freakish to see. his face is pulled so tight. it looks like he’s sitting through an amputation. and his teeth are bared in a terrified snarl. he’s fighting actual ghosts in his mind. and he is trying, and succeeding in keeping himself absolutely quiet. if he feels like his face looks fucked up, eventually he will bury his head in his hands. or pull his hat down lower. his shoulders quake when he can’t stop himself. but he doesn’t make a noise. he just trembles, and lets the tears fall. this usually happens in his van, alone. sometimes the team will catch him in a spare room as he messily wipes his eyes. or find him in restless sleep in a closet afterward. they don’t know whether to disturb him, so they just leave the door cracked so he knows someone came to check on him. he’s appreciative of this.

spy: spy doesn’t cry often because he’s sloppy with it. it’s always very wet. he gets maybe thirty seconds to get his crying under control or it becomes a mess. lots of tears, lots of snot, and if he’s in truly terrible straits he is drooling in an attempt to get his emotional state under control. and he gets even madder when he cries. prone to self harm, normally either pinching his thighs or pulling at his hair. and then he gets aggressively self-deprecating. and he does not cry in the mask. he never cries in the mask. the spy does not shed tears. whoever that sorry loser he sees in the mirror is another question. and he looks stupid when he cries. and he cries for nothing. nobody cares whether he’s crying. nobody cares what it’s about. locks his bedroom door to decompress in silence. this is normally the beginning of spy’s comatose behavior. he shatters, and drags every piece he can back to the bed. some things get left in the move. and he sleeps as his mind begins to piece himself back together.

[kandlewick]

Your janitor au is amazing. There’s the perfect amount of angst. How long do you think the janitor would stay working in NRC until they stop believing in Crowley and just leave?

Do you think they can get a citizenship anywhere despite having no records? (Highest chance is Briar Valley if the janitor asks Malleus to pull some strings.)

In order to leave, what they need most is money, basic knowledge about this world, and an identity, I think.

thank you sooo much!!! im so glad youre enjoying it!!!

i think the janitor would stay in NRC as long as possible because of those reasons. they have no identification, no citizenship, little money, and a lack of understanding of how this world functions. as much as they think theyre a rough and tough survivor, i also think their biggest weakness is an unwillingness to try new things. what theyve been doing works so theyll stick with it until it no longer does and when their luck eventually runs out, they will probably panic and have to start over from the beginning all over again.

a BIG issue with them 'post graduate' is if the janitor and co are able to either beat or avoid malleus' overblotting entirely. i believe it is possible to avoid it or at least lessen the severity of it because the janitor starts off pretty close to the diasomnia quad in comparison to the original yuu who stuck close to the other first years. while sebek is a difficult nut to crack for the janitor, malleus, lilia and silver are much easier to befriend and get close to.

malleus is an easy win. he was the janitor's first friend (other then grim) in twisted wonderland, so theyre both pretty close and have get togethers once a week.

lilia grew close to janitor fast because they will actually eat his food and hand him an empty tuperware container back for more. theyre also a bit wiser (and potentially, per the reader's judgement, older then yuu) so theyre probably able to vibe with lilia better then yuu could.

silver and janitor got pretty friendly when they had to help him in between classes due to his spelldrive injury due to ruggie's meddling.

and i think with how adamant the janitor would want to go home, the topic of leaving and loss would be an actual conversation and argument that would happen earlier on between malleus and the janitor and less something that gets bottled up until an overblot occurs. idk though! id never want to downplay lilia's role in malleus' overblot because its incredibly precious and sweet and ugh i love found family but i think it would help malleus out better if he wasn't like. bombarded with things that triggered his fear of abandonment during the same week lmao!!

i uh went on a tangent. but. depending on how close they get, i could see the janitor either leaving to the scalding sands with kalim, becoming a glorified cheka sitter with leona, or staying in briar valley with malleus. can you tell i have ships in my head? lol

[thinkerer24]

Mary on a Cross

Young, sweet, inexperienced Johnny x Big, Bad divorced!Simon

Or, They both realise some things about themselves.

@gerdddds !!! This was SO much fun to write (I think you can guess because it started as a blurb but became so long 😭😭)

Also I suck at writing the accents like some people do, so just- imagine them speaking in their respective accents lmao

SMUT 18+

Simon was tired. His eyes felt heavy in his skull and a certain gritty sensation burnt behind his eyelid that no amount of squinting was getting rid of. Normally, Price's commanding voice kept him and his team in order, oriented them in the right direction, but tonight it just felt like grating in his ear. His foot tapped impatiently on the floor of the conference room, the post mission briefing seeming to last longer than the actual mission itself. He checked the clock above Price's head.

9.34 pm.

He couldn't wait to hit the bar just outside the base and drown himself in vodka (yes, he was a vodka guy secretly at heart; don't tell Price).

John signalled the end of the meeting and Simon almost leapt out of his seat to flee the room, attendance signatures be damned. He's a lieutenant for god's sake, not a child, he could-

"Boss! Wait for me!"

Simon is a very patient man, too. At least, he'd like to think so. But he doesn't know why every deity and every spirit was making it very very difficult for him to maintain his cool today. Did he piss someone off? Is this all that karma hitting back at him?

"Yes, McTavish, what do you want?"

The spritely young man jogged to keep up with Simon, who hadn't stopped walking, by the way, and looked a bit too excited for someone who'd just come back from a grueling ten-day mission in the middle of bumfuck Siberia.

"Are you going to Joe's? I can come with, if that's okay? I really really really need to get pissed, I don't think I've ever craved alcohol in my cells before but fucks sake I-"

"Fuck me, Soap, do ye ever stop yapping?"

Johnny just grinned wider, unfazed by his senior's gruff behaviour. "Sorry, LT. Lead the way."

Simon decided he couldn't really shake him off that easy and was too tired to argue otherwise, so he just wordlessly got in his truck. He turned to see Johnny right at his heel, climbing beside him with a jump. Eager pup, Simon mused.

He knows if he were a few years, hell even a decade younger, he'd have shown the youngin a night he wouldn't have forgotten. His sexual prowess was a bit overbearing to old lovers, men and women alike, a fact his ex husband both loved and hated. He was known to last hours in bed; in a relentless pursuit of pleasure and pain, until his partners were breathless and sore. One of his exes was once rushed to the hospital, too, on account of certain, let's say, sex injuries, that had the entire ER blushing under their masks. It was safe to say he wasn't allowed to touch her for an entire month.

Now, sitting in the dim lighting of the bar in a greasy countertop right next to the ancient stereo, he stares at Johnny and maps his features in his brain. He'd never noticed the scar on his top lip that almost disappeared when he smiled, or that he had flecks of green dusted in those blue irises. He's rambling about some video game he's eager to try out, Simon couldn't be arsed really, but he realises that Johnny's brows tick upwards whenever he gets too excited and he makes the funniest face when he's being sarcastic about something the game developers have said.

"You got a bird waitin on you, boy?" Simon interrupts him, taking a long swig of his beer.

He'd never seen a grown man blush such a deep shade of red so quick.

Cute.

"Uh, no LT. Don't reckon I got the time, you know? The missions are just too stressful, and training usually takes up most of my day, ya know? I mean, some of these girls, LT, I wouldn't even know what to say, like, hey, I'm super tired most days because I'm in a super secret special ops force and My team gets sent to highly confidential locations regularly and oh, I could die too but no big deal, see ya soon, keep dinner ready for me? My hand does fine, thank you very much."

He's rambling now, clearly tipsy, and Simon quirks an eyebrow. "Who's talking about a relationship, Johnny? You could pick up literally anyone you want at this joint- shag 'em and leave 'em? Ever heard of no strings attached?"

Johnny ducks his head and Simon realises he's hit a nerve. Unlucky for Soap, Simon relishes in making boys like him squirm.

"I- I don't know how to say this but, eh fuck it, LT-- I haven't really fucked anyone, Like, ever? I know- I know what you're gonna say, boss, but I don't wanna hear it, okay; it just- never happened, yaknow? Fuck, I really do sound like a bumbling virgin but, fuck, LT, I-"

Simon decided to put the kid out of his misery and leaned forward to put his hands between Johnny's legs and grip at the stool he was sitting on. He effortlessly slid him closer and Johnny squeaked in surprise but instantly shut up as Simon bracketed his thighs with his own and placed one large palm on his jeans, frighteningly close to his bulge.

"It's okay, kid. Stop overthinking."

The heat from Simon's palm burnt a hole through his jeans and Johnny felt a bit lightheaded. He raised his hand and slowly traced the gold wedding band on Simon's ring finger. It felt like both a reminder of his experience and a taunt- he belongs to someone else.

"He left me a year ago," Simon says softly, making Johnny shift in his seat. "Wasn't exactly- husband material, you could say."

This was the first time Johnny had ever heard about his lieutenant's private life, and also, maybe, the first time Johnny was silent for so long. He stared into Simon's eyes, eagerly swallowing every word that left his scarred lips.

"I couldn't sleep for months. The Paris job almost killed me, and Parker couldn't take it anymore. He'd begged me to retire, take a desk job, anything. I refused. Said we needed the money. I woke up the next morning with his side of the bed empty and a note that said his lawyers would contact me soon. No goodbye."

Johnny raised his palm and cupped the side of Simon's cheek. He just stared back with an intensity that made something stir low in his belly.

"I want to take you back to my house. Strip you of all your clothes, and lay you in my bed. Dismantle your thoughts until all your pretty brain can think about is me. I want you to go limp in my arms and beg me to stop. Do you want that, kid?"

Johnny could feel himself nodding desperately, mouth agape, before his mind could even catch up to his actions. He swallowed roughly, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Is this really happening?

"W-wait. Simon, Simon."

Simon was half dragging him out of the bar already but he slowed down to look at him. "What, pup? Something wrong?"

Pup. The word made his dick twitch in his pants but Johnny braved through, " Simon, are you sure? Like, absolutely sure?"

Simon scoffed. Poor boy doesn't know what he's getting into.

He tugs him further and leads him into the truck, wordlessly getting into the drivers seat. "I meant what I said. I'll make it good for you, kid, I promise. Is this what you want? Think about it, we've got the whole ride back."

Johnny nods and looks at his side profile as he drives them to his house. He wants this. He's tired of avoiding all physical contact because of the stupid voice in his brain- "you're not smart enough, you're not wanted, no one wants you, no one could want you". He knows Simon can make that go away, he can feel it in his bones. He knows his LT will take care of him. He feels braver than before and inches his fingers slowly over Simon's regulation khakis, almost palming his bulge.

"Behave."

One word, and Johnny freezes. He'd always been the perfect soldier, hanging onto his LTs voice. Not surprising that it would be the same outside the battlefield, too.

They reached the barracks in record time, Johnny almost breaking the seatbelt buckle in his eagerness. They reach Simon's door and Simon leads Johnny into the room. He's been here several times before but now? It feels like he's a newborn fawn stumbling into the world for the first time. He tries to be sexy and turns to look at Simon but he bumps his toe into the center table and curses, before deciding to just, sit his ass on the sofa and let Simon take the lead.

Simon observes the entire thing with a glint in his eyes, desire stirring low in his belly. He closes the gap between them and sits on the floor in between Johnny's open legs. He places both hands on his thighs, leans up close to his face, and he can almost see Soap's neurons short circuit at his proximity.

"You don't have to do this, lad. No hard feelings".

Johnny whines low in his throat and grabs Simon by the nape of his neck. He jerks forward and clumsily presses his lips onto Simon's, and they both groan at how right it feels. Simon lets him lead the pace, explore what feels good and what doesn't. His tongue wearily circles his own and Simon sucks on it gently, making Johnny gasp. His hands run themselves into that goddamn mohawk, scraping at the buzz cut and massaging the scalp there. Johnny all but melts under the watchful care of Simon, and almost forgets what he was actually here for. Well, until Simon used one hand to press into the bulge that's straining against his pants and Johnny gasps.

"Go to the bedroom, kid. Take off your clothes and wait for me, yeah? Can you do that?"

Johnny nods eagerly and all but sprints to the single bedroom, making Simon scoff out a laugh. He enters the bare room and frantically takes off his clothes, but something in the bedside table catches his eye.

A framed photo of Simon and another man, in front of the Sydney Opera House. Both had matching grins, and Simon looked a good ten years younger. They were wrapped in a tight embrace and looking at the camera like nothing else mattered, because it didn't. They had each other and everything would be okay.

"It's been quite some time, John." Simon's quiet voice seemed to echo in the tiny space and Johnny almost jumps. His broad biceps encircle around his waist completely and Simon rests his chin on Johnny's shoulder, inhaling at his neck. "Don't dwell on the past. I know I don't."

John turns around in his grasp and looks at him longingly. "I don't want to make this sappy, Lt, but I think I'm a bit scared".

Simon nods, as if he had already anticipated it. He knows, he always knows. He's his lieutenant, his leader, his friend. He'd know what he's thinking, what he's feeling before he even frames it in his head. Soap knows that, and he would leap from a cliff if it was what Simon wanted, only because he knows Simon would be on the other side to catch him.

"I want you to touch yourself for me. Can you do that? Can you show me how you make yourself feel good?"

Simon lays him down on the bed and kisses him so deeply it makes his breath stop in his chest. His tongue delves into Johnny's mouth as his hands grip his waist, his hips, palming everything he could get his hands on. He pulls away and a string of spit connects their lips. Johnny looks fucked out already and Simon feels his heart thud louder.

Johnny nods along with him, humming low in the back of his throat as he slips a hand over his dick- fuck, it was as hard as a rock already. He rubs the head with his palm as Simon drops his head low to watch his motions. Johnny continues pumping his hips into his closed fist, increasing the pace frantically and panics when he realises he's so, so close already. His precum was making the entire ordeal so sticky, and Simon's intense stare wasn't helping his case.

"Kid, slow down, come on, easy, baby. Yeah, that's it." Simon places his hand over Soap's and guides him into a slower, more languid pace. His head felt syrupy, his stomach cramping already with how hard he's clenched it. He doesn't think he'll last any longer when Simon bends down and licks his tip gingerly.

"Fuck, FUCK Si, I-" he grabs onto Simon's head with both hands and almost smothers him by shoving his entire length into his mouth. Simon doesn't even gag, that fucker, and starts sucking his cock, making it so sloppy, so loud, Johnny doesn't think he'll survive this. The sight is downright obscene- Drool drops down the side of his mouth and his lips form a tight suction as he bobs his head up and down and up and down and up -

"I think I'm comin- fuckfuckfuckfuck,"

Simon pushes him further into his throat just as he climaxes, and Johnny gets tears in his eyes at how well Simon's throat clenches his cockhead. He doesn't know how long he's coming for, but knows that Simon doesn't let up for one second, constantly licking and laving at his dick and working him through the orgasm right into the territory of sweet oversensitivity. He's about to push his head away when one of Simon's thick fingers circle his asshole, and Soap feels like he's ascended.

"Is this where you want me, little pup? Do you want me to stretch you open, fill you till you're leaking with my cum? You wanna cry tonight?"

Soap sobs in agreement, fisting the bedsheet and twisting his torso to escape the pleasure as Simon pops the lid of the lube and generously pours over his taint and shaft. He pumps a finger in cautiously, making Johnny's breath catch lightly, huffing out tiny breaths to regulate himself.

"Breathe, kid. That's it, you're doing so good for me. I'm gonna bend my fingers just so, yeah? Oh- oh, is that the spot? Yeah, baby? Is that your happy spot?"

Simon's fingers hook inside in a way that makes them hit his prostate so deliciously- Johnny screams and bows his entire body up off the bed. Simon has to use his other hand to keep him pinned down and chuckles, starting to pump even harder. His fingers stretch and fill him, making him pant like a dog in heat now. He thinks he's going to come again, but he's not sure that's anatomically possible.

"Si, please, I need you, oh, I need you inside me, I need your cock, pleasepleaseplease Simon, I can't come like this, I-"

"Okay, okay, baby, breathe, breathe, yeah, my good boy wants my cock? Huh? I'll give it to you, I'll give you anything, fuck."

He pours some extra lube over his dick while his other hand continues to fuck into Johnny's tight hole. He caresses his dick slowly, thoroughly coating every inch in the sticky lube and slowly notches himself right up against Soap's asshole.

Feeling the blunt head against himself makes Johnny zero in on the moment; as if everything's faded away and it's just him, and just Simon, and there's nothing in between. They don't need to say anything, don't need more reasons to delay, and Johnny nods once, his eyes tearing up slightly. Simon understands- he bends forward to interlace his hands with Soap's and kisses him so so sweetly as he pushes inside.

The moan that leaves Soap could only be described as pornographic, as he feels every inch, every ridge and every vein breach his virgin hole. He stutters into the kiss, almost babbling as Simon grits his teeth together and powers through the tight embrace.

"Holy shit, kid, you're so tight."

"You're so big, sir".

Simon grips the back of his neck tighter and slightly massages the skin there, making Soap melt and relax a bit further. The last inch was the most difficult, Simon's girth found it almost impossible to make his rim stretch further, the sight of it so perverse it made Simon's mouth water.

"Let me on top, sir. I can take it."

Simon didn't really have the energy or the will to argue and effortlessly switched positions such that Johnny was on top and his dick never even slipped out.

"Go easy, yeah? I don't want you to hurt yourself"

Johnny nods with newfound vigor and plants both his feet on the bed, giving Simon a show for the ages. He takes a deep breath and lets gravity do most of the work as he slams himself down the last inch, right upto the thick base of Simon's god like member.

"Holy fuck, kid. I told you to go easy." He admonishes, but there's no real bite in it.

Soap grins, and oh, there's my boy, Simon thinks, "Sorry Lt. I'll be, fuck, more careful".

He starts a decadent rhythm, making both of them roll their eyes and moan loudly, neighbours be damned. It feels like heaven, like coming home after a long day at work, like the first sip of water after a hangover.

He realises soon enough that bouncing on his cock feels better than the grinding, and this knowledge makes Simon grip onto his hips tighter to help him along. Soap has his head thrown back, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth and onto his chest, eyes rolled into his skull. Look so perfect, Simon thinks. My boy.

His pace gets harder and faster and Simon realises he's not going to last longer. "Come for me, Johnny. Paint me with your cum, baby."

His hips stutter as he releases a whorish moan, probably waking up the entire base as he climaxes all over Simon's chest, his belly, heck some even went up to his face. He holds onto Simon's arms that were around his hips and crashes his lips onto his. This sets Simon off as he pumps once, twice, and buries himself deep in his ass and comes hard. They're both shaking and groaning, the kiss sloppy with sweat and spit, and their orgasms melting into each other's.

After a long time, Johnny pulls apart and stares into Simon's eyes. Those big, beautiful eyes that made him feel like home. They were slightly dazed and not all coherent and Johnny just grins.

"Let's do that again, sir."

[toffee4you]

About Silver's emotions...

I think Silver wears his emotions on his face, but in a subtle way. It is not that he is good at hiding emotions from his face, he is just not naturally overly-expressive.

This means, so long as you understand the little signals from his expressions, he is an open book and cannot do much about it.

⏬ This is more fiction, rather than canon, below cut.

⚠️ This is not an analysis. It contains very slight romantic implications (mainly through the end note), and the last point is suggestive.

A second warning is included before the suggestive part, you will see it.

Embarrassment is clear when his eyes swivel away. If you are able to see his eyes, you would be able to tell they are dilated, appearing similar to a doe's. You can see a subtle line in the center of his bottom lip from biting down on it subconsciously. Compared to melancholy, this is more of a nibble than anything, so you would not be able to tell if you hadn't been analyzing his expression. His ears turn red before his cheeks do—but even when they are flushed, it is a barely noticeable shade.

Melancholy varies greatly. When mild, you will notice how his eyes appear to be staring through anything they lay upon. His silver lashes are slanted ever so slightly, almost mistakable for drowsiness. However, unlike his sleep spells, they are not undergoing a series of lifting and shutting. They stay still, as if he were a statue.

In worse cases, his lips may have an almost unnoticeable quiver than he tries to hide by biting down on them. His eyes appear glossy and sheened-over, like glass. You can see that his lower eyelids are more red than their usual, while the tip of his nose has a similar shade of red, but milder. His brows often stay knitted, and his eyes are slanted to the point where barely-visible wrinkles appear near his nose bridge. You rarely ever find him crying because it may only be a few tear droplets at most; he will just hide it by taking a few seconds to tuck his head into his arm or a piece of cloth.

He may be the most expressive when it comes to deep grief, but it is shown in game, so I will avoid writing more. I am so glad he is an ugly sobber and not just quiet.

For the same reason, I am skipping surprise.

Concentration has the least change from his usual expression. His stare is often the same as usual, but his lips are pursed by just a bit. The brows are slanted slightly downward, not as far as anger, but far enough to tell the difference. He tends to blink less when concentrating, so it is easy to tell when he is becoming drowsy; the blinking becomes more common, his eyelids look as if they are resisting the urge to shut, and his head begins to bob.

Jealousy, or envy, were more prominent emotions when he was younger, but not as often when he is older. When present, his eyes are resting at a midway between open and shut, often spending far too much time staring at what he cannot obtain. The wrinkles, which are typically near his nose bridge, are closer to the inner edge of his eye this time. There may only be one visible wrinkle rather than two. They are less visible than when he is melancholic, but it is certainly there. The lip bite is the most prominent in this expression, causing the mouth to almost tuck into a line. The subconscious motion sometimes bears blood from how hard he had been pressing down. His expression is tighter, but the indents in his cheeks are not visible, unlike with anger. Once again, not a common expression—but when it does appear, it often comes more intense than in childhood due to the cause of such emotion.

Contentment depends on the environment. It is difficult for a true smile to appear on his face, outside of training with Sebek or speaking with his father. No, I am not counting his roblox man smile. That does not mean he is bored or unpleased in other situations, only less expressive. You can see the corners of his lips twitch upwards for only a centimeter or less, extremely difficult to spot. The lower lids of his eyes will curve up just as slightly, almost as if amused. Sometimes, the upper eyelids may actually be more open than usual, but this movement is rare across all expressions.

Anger is actually not... too difficult for him to show. Keeping to the canon depiction, you can see the many wrinkles between his eyes and nose bridge, akin to a common canine expression when standing their ground. His brows are pressed downwards, eyes equally slanted with a pointed expression at the source of anger. The pupils are constricted, making him appear far less friendly. A less visible sign is the shallow indents in his cheeks when gritting his teeth, his jaw appearing tighter.

On the other hand, his irritation is a lot more subtle. While he does the same teeth clenching, the wrinkles are often nowhere to be seen. You may only spot a slight twitch or the lower eyelid or eyebrow. His eyes and brows are not as slanted as when infuriated, but still shifted from his typical facial expression.

Most of all, he just feels a bit odd if you analyze him that closely to begin with. Is that what friends do? To match Lilia's words, it feels like "bats fluttering in his stomach".

Whatever that means.

Bonus: 🛏️ eyes. /mildly suggestive

Given he is awake, this is one of the few expressions where he tries to send a signal through his face, and it works. Slanting his eyes is nothing difficult for him, but you can tell a good portion of this expression comes naturally. Most prominently, his eyes are just as dilated as when embarrassed. He often stares at you through his lashes, especially if below you, but maintaining eye contact the entire time. His entire face is relaxed, lips parted just slightly. He doesn't often have any flushed ears or cheeks until he actually gets into action—at which point, his expression changes completely. The eye wrinkles are back, while his eyes and mouth are likely switching through too many motions to properly list.

[43501]

I really love you headcanons of Near and L, I was wondering if you have any romantic hcs of Mello too

I love that you love them, anon. Yeah, I'll write up a huge list of basically every Mello headcanon I have like I did for Near. He deserves it. I love him.

Either wholly homosexual or bisexual with a significant male preference. (If you are a Mello fangirl reading this, please feel free to erase this line from your memory as you continue to read the rest of the headcanons list below.)

The most important factor: Needs a patient, stable partner who grounds him. Whether it's someone carefree and phlegmatic (like Matt) or equanimous and stoic (like Near), his lover needs to be the type of person who won't react to his mercurial moods and who won't take it personally when he's grouchy.

In general, a somewhat difficult person who is difficult to be in a relationship with. Feels his feelings powerfully. Sometimes feels like they get away from him. Sometimes feels a bit ashamed of his reactions to things. I see a lot of people writing him with some degree of Borderline Personality Disorder and this is my headcanon for him as well.

Always seems a little restless about something, even when he's happy and life is going well. Occasionally just leaves without warning. Sometimes it's a night walk to clear his head, sometimes it's for a couple of days and he doesn't talk about it when he returns.

Messy. Honestly tries to keep a tidy space, but can never seem to keep it under control for very long. "Organized chaos" may be a fitting description because he knows where all of his things are, he's just not very good at sticking to a system of organization or putting them back where they belong. Expect your shared space/room/apartment to be littered with his stuff.

Asks for your assistance with makeup from time to time, particularly painting his nails on his dominant hand. Berates you creatively if you suck at it, but allows you to try again until you get it right.

The kind of boyfriend to approach and hug you from behind while you're doing something else, like cooking or washing dishes. Fastens his arms tightly around your waist, holds you close. Secretly loves this kind of domestic, "normal" looking scene but won't ever do it if anyone else is nearby.

Too proud to admit it, but likes being comforted and fawned over. Wants to just lay his head in someone's lap and be loved unconditionally. Wants to be someone's priority for once.

Unlike every other Wammy's boy, has friends. Actual friends, and quite a lot of them (whether they're from work, ex-Mafia contacts, people he got in touch with from Wammy's, friends made through some other hobby - depends on the details of your setting and timeframe). He's a scintillating conversationalist, socially charming and not self-conscious. In a post-Kira case world, he has a fairly active social life. He doesn't mind if you don't want to go out with him and mingle with his friends, though (neither Matt or Near would).

Smells like some Tom Ford fragrance because he's too good for "cheap drugstore shit". Occasionally prone to living above his means, he enjoys the finer things in life.

Wants you to call him "Mihael". In a post-Kira case world where he survives, he drops the "Mello" pseudonym entirely (unlike Near who continues being Near).

Pretty high libido, considers sex life in a relationship important. May not be interested in a relationship with somebody who does not want to be intimate with him.

Rough kisser, almost always tastes like chocolate. Obviously. Greedy hands. Pins you to the wall. Pins you to the bed. Pins your hands at your sides or above your head. Dominant and in control all the way, turned on by displays of submission and adoration.

In a post-Kira case AU where he survives but nevertheless has his scars: he tries to downplay it but he's pretty heartbroken about the big, obvious expanse of scorched flesh on his left side. He's always been a bit vain and proud of his looks - the incident at the hideout shook his confidence. He's always unconsciously touching it. He would appreciate the occasional reminder that you find him rugged and dangerous-looking.

The secret thing about Mello: he's a normal, thoughtful man underneath it all. He's always going to be an ambitious and driven person, but he's tired of battling his way through life's trials and wants peace more than anything. He is not the reckless rageholic that some of the fandom (mis)characterizes him as.

[blockednddeleted]

you know, up until this point, i was never really a fan of jax.

in fact, i actually really hated him. despised him. but the recent ep has got me thinking and i feel differently about him now.

thoughts below but tl;dr -> I have more interest in Jax as a character now because this ep showed that there is more to his asshole bullshit than i had previously thought. he's still an asshole, but that's the point.

As I said before, I really really didn't like Jax. Like at all. Not even a tiny bit.

It's not that I can't appreciate the asshole archetype. I was actually surprised to find I didn't like him when I first watched through the episodes. I usually like characters who have a bite to them, jagged, jaded and thorny. However, there is a limit to my enjoyment of them when they bully other characters. Especially when said characters are sympathetic like Gangle. To me, that crosses a line. (I would say when characters are undeserving of the treatment but, despite the meaning of that being obvious, the truth of the matter is that no one deserves to be bullied - which huh, what an interesting thought actually.)

Typing that out just now, I have thoughts clicking together in my brain, I've connected some things.

The cactus has a thorny outside to protect it's soft, juicy inside right? A prickly character type, most times, follows the same logic. Jax, I believe 100% fits this mould.

Jax, like the rest of the gang, is just as stuck there as the rest of them. Assuming that like Pomni, he got trapped entering the circus for the first time and couldn't leave rather than some other alternative like entering the circus with the full knowledge of what doing so would mean. Similar to Pomni and the others, this is a trauma that has also happened to him and that, just like the others, he has had to find a way to cope with.

Not much is known about Jax's life before the circus, something he intentionally obfuscates. This avoidance with sharing about himself along with several other avoidant behaviours he has displayed (e.g. making light of heavy subjects, dodging genuine emotion with humour, his flagrant disregard for the feelings of others whether they be an npc or not, etc.) shows us a character who has a significant issues with any kind of sincerity and vulnerability. Thus, his apathetic posturing via cold disdain, merciless teasing, and even his cruelty is part of an effort (be it consciously or subconsciously) to keep his real self, the vulnerable one, safe from being exposed and harmed. Just like the cactus, he's gotta protect those ooey gooey insides of his. And viewing his antagonistic, often hostile actions through this lens, I feel like I've gained more understanding for his character. Something tells me that the Kreider quote, "if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known," would have Jax running for the hills just like in the meme.

I'm realizing i could write a whole goddamn essay about this topic but i don't want this post to spiral out more than it already has. I really meant to write a little blurb when I started, I swear! I want to keep writing but I don't want the original point I was making to be lost so I'll wind it up for now.

There were a few critical moments with Jax in the recent episode that clued me into this train of thought that has shifted my opinion of the character. I still don't like that he bullies the other characters, but from a writing standpoint, it is an excellent character flaw. It can be a difficult dynamic to balance in a story and this episode has me really feeling like the show knows what it's doing.

As for these critical moments i mentioned, they include his reaction to being forced into the maid outfit, and his reaction to Ragatha's comment and her apology later on.

The main significance to these moments being that for a brief few seconds, Jax's mask slips and his genuine emotions are on display. Some, more easy to interpret than others.

But for a character like Jax, who distances himself through maintaining a stubbornly perpetual performance of ironic detachment and cool apathetic indifference - these kinds of moments are devastating. His own emotions betray him.

Take for instance, when Ragatha made the comment about Jax's previous friend who abstracted. And his reaction to this.

The comment brings up the fact that Jax has lost a friend. His only friend, Ragatha's comment would have us believe. Naturally, this would be a sensitive subject for Jax because loss and grief by their very nature are vulnerabilities. Something to which Jax is allergic. Making it worse, it's in front of Pomni, a person new to the circus and someone who wasn't there when the loss happened and thus had no knowledge of it. Being that Jax has kept up his act while interacting with Pomni up until this point, it's safe to say that had Ragatha not mentioned this loss, Jax likely would never have brought it up. So, not only does this comment already touch a pretty dangerous area for Jax, it also puts a crack in the image of himself he was trying to project. That being someone who is completely unattached.

The context in which Ragatha's says this - is at best, an ill-timed quip meant in jest or at worst, a cruel barb meant to sting and harm. Regardless of her intention behind making the comment (and I'm no Ragatha hater, so this isn't to heh, "rag" on her, heh.) - the impact of it is clear. Barely contained rage.

It clear that bringing this up hurt Jax's feelings. Anger is often the secondary emotion that flares up when the primary emotion is sadness. It's a defence mechanism Jax would absolutely jump to. Sadness, pain, fear, grief, these are all are vulnerabilities. Embarrassingly vulnerable for many and certainly not within the zone of cool ironic detachment that's for sure. Thus, the act of making a comment like that thrusts Jax into what is not only uncomfortable territory, but dangerous to his own identity within the circus - the guy who doesn't give a fuck about anything or anyone and just wants to have some fun.

And isn't that interesting? The one constantly cracking jokes at others expense, can't take it when the energy is returned to him. Because the comment Ragatha made is absolutely one I can see Jax making himself. But it's the fact that it puts him in the position of being the butt of the joke, he hates it. And given the shit he's done to Gangle, anyone defending him while hating on Ragatha for this need to look up the definition of a double standard, they may find it illuminating.

Ugh, I say I wanna keep the post short and then I keep going on and on. Alright. Fuck. I'll try and finish in a paragraph or two. (or five)

Zooble's attitude towards Jax this episode is very fitting as it drives this point about Jax not being able to take what he gives to home. (heh) By that I mean, how Zooble turns the tables on him and subjects him to teasing and being the butt of the joke. (e.g. the corn, making him vegan, etc.)

His reaction to being put into the maid outfit is also very telling. Having mentioned his masculinity the scene prior, (in a jest, of course. funny how he's the bunny and not the jester right? Although, he def vibing bugs bunny with that look, the biggest jokester of all time so it's fitting) this is where we see just how upset it makes him to have it (his masculinity) and himself undermined. It's not just that he's been forcibly feminized without his consent and despite his adamant disapproval - it's also because this is an action that is meant to humiliate him that he gets so angry. So angry that even Zooble notes it when they remark on how they have never seen him so angry before.

Jax's style of humour is centred in dominance. So to be "dominated" or subjugated in this way is more than just being embarrassed or humiliated. It's a threat to his sense of power, his sense of self, his perceived role within the group and to a greater extent, his place within the circus. Add to this fact, it was Gangle that came up with the idea of the maid outfit, the one he constantly harasses and bullies, the one he has made his inferior, it makes sense how he could lose his cool so entirely. (I'm saying I can understand it, not that I approve or condone it. Two entirely different things.)

This anger betrays his whole schtick for what it is, a mask. Because if he were truly the uncaring apathetic type, being put into the maid outfit would not have gotten a such a rise out of him. A truly apathetic character would shrug and move on, completely indifferent to the costume. And an ironically detached one might make a joke about it to deflect saying something like, "not a look i usually go for, but a look i'm killing nonetheless." (à la bug bunny's style with in reference to his casual cross-dressing tendency)

The point is, someone who is truly cold and aloof doesn't have any kind of strong emotional responses, much less such visibly expressed ones.

But someone who pretends to be that type does.

And realizing this about Jax, I find myself intrigued. There may be more depth to his character than just the simplistic hater asshole type. There could potentially be something so much more complex and nuanced going on with his character than the usual standard fare we are used to seeing. For the first time, I'm eager to find out and learn more about Jax. And that is a real shift from the hatred I felt for him previously, a huge one.

[mazywrites]

‘BETTER THIS WAY’ part two

PAIRING: anthony lockwood x reader, anthony lockwood x lucy carlyle

SYNOPSIS: you’ve been lockwood’s partner-in-crime since you joined his agency, but it’s clear that’s changing— or perhaps it already has.

THEME: angst! (unrequited love if you squint)

WARNINGS: nothing much, just a horrid attempt at angst

NOTES: not proofread. requests open, drop a comment or message. comment to join my taglist. click here to see my masterlist.

My work is not to be reposted, copied, translated or used in any form without explicit permission from myself.

taglist for this fic: @my-space13reading @scarab-8 @that-choir-girl @mazzbarnes @kenthoe @snoopyluver20 @shakespearseclipse @fineshytnaomi @dearhnymn @lady-ashfade @death-befor-decaf @cookie369 @nansasa this includes anyone who asked to be added to it, or who specifically commented for another part. please do say so if you'd like to be added or removed, as this taglist will be used on all my lw&co works

@websterss i absolutely adore this beauty of a gif btw

Kettle on.

Four mugs.

Herbal tea for George.

A generous share of sugar for Lucy.

A richer, more mellow cup of tea for Lockwood. Just how he liked it.

And for you?

You weren't even entirely sure what you wanted. You just threw in whatever was at hand.

It was one of those late nights where 35 Portland Row was hushed, other than the low hum of the kettle, following a fatiguing case after a day of running back and forth from Scotland Yard on the polite request of an agitated Inspector Barnes.

You hadn't the heart to refuse when George, failing to stifle a yawn and rubbing furiously at his eyes beneath his glasses, had asked for the brew— and in this house, making tea for one meant making tea for all. 

And mechanically so, as though you were on auto-pilot. At this hour your mind was entirely void of thought, and so you barely acknowledged the process of preparing it. Curls of steam ghosted across your face as you gathered the ready mugs into a line on a tray like soldiers. But they weren't the most orderly, jostling around owing to your trembling hand as you lifted the tray. 

Lucy was still upstairs, you noted, nudging open the door with a foot to see Lockwood and George seated exactly how you'd left them. George was sitting, or lying, rather, back in the corner of the sofa, for once free of any workload courtesy of his lethargy. Lockwood was occupied scribbling away, as he chattered, into the thick, black case-book, certainly logging today's success. 

"...quicker than I expected, really, George, sprinkled a bit of salt and it was over with!"

He didn't seem to notice your return, eyes glued to the book, with that boyish grin on his face in excitement as he recalled the evening's events. That smile of his would have made you rival it, stupidly, once upon a time, but now, it did nothing but cause an unease to settle over your chest. One you couldn't quite name, but one that was there nonetheless.

And the more you felt it, recently, the more you feared what it meant.

This was a repetitive cycle now, drowning yourself in research, only to get just a quick smile every now and then from someone who had once been one of your dearest friends. In a way, you were much more appreciative of George now, because you understood how difficult his role was, and because only he seemed to really note a change in your behaviour.

That was all you wanted.

From anyone, at this point.

You placed the tray down on the table wordlessly, and dropped to the sofa with a shaky exhale. Closed your eyes. Every bone in your body screamed at you to head to bed, but you knew you had to stay to hear whatever it was Lockwood had promised to share with you all from what Barnes had told him before the team had left Scotland Yard to rush for the case up in Yorkshire. You knew, otherwise, that it was highly unlikely you'd be up before the late afternoon tomorrow, and probably wouldn't get a summary from any of the other three, all of whom seemed endlessly busy nowadays.

"Finally, tea!"

You pried open your eyes with effort to see Lockwood grinning (somehow) even wider, reaching across the table. There it was, that glimmer in his eye, that shine that you knew far too well. It always seemed to come right before he mentioned—

"Lucy does this thing, right, she adds a spoon of—"

You cursed.

Loudly.

Both George and Lockwood looked over at you, and the latter's brows furrowed slightly, his mouth ajar. "You alright?"

You looked away. "Fine."

"I'm exhausted, if you're interested Lockwood," spoke George, his speech almost elongated dramatically. You were thankful he'd spoke, because you could feel the heat rising in your face. "So if you'd kindly drop whatever it is you're withholding, it'd be much appreciated."

Lockwood grinned, rolling his eyes. "Just wait another five minutes, why don't you? She'll be here in a second, then we can discuss it."

"I doubt it," grumbled George. "She'll go to bed as soon as she finishes all the hot water, mark my words."

Lockwood paused mid-sip as though considering this. "Perhaps you're right... well, I'll go up and let her know when she's out of the shower."

"Yes, yes," agreed George, "Now do share, please."

Lockwood huffed with a smile. "I don't know if you'll find it too interesting, now that I think about it, George. Barnes wants us at a relic-market, identifying what sort of thing they're selling— something to do with trying to link different cases of sources being stolen."

This was interesting enough, indeed, but certainly not worthy of you refraining from sleep. George seemed to be thinking along the same lines, staring expectantly at Lockwood as though waiting for more. "And?"

"And nothing, really, he just said we'd sort of be better off posing as pairs. Just to blend in."

You straightened up. Pairs?

"Pairs?" George raised a brow. "Couples, you mean?"

Was the room getting tighter, or were you imagining it?

"Not necessarily," said Lockwood, but that movement, the casual glance around as he itched cluelessly at the back of his neck, was something you knew all too well. Anthony Lockwood trying to downplay.

"When?" asked George, his voice now monotonous and almost bored.

"Friday."

George sat up abruptly. "This Friday?"

"This Friday indeed."

"No can do, I'm afraid," sighed George, but his tone was hardly apologetic. "I already told you I'm heading home for the weekend."

Lockwood's brows knitted together. "That's this weekend?" he asked, his voice almost squeaky in outrage. "Can't you—I don't know—”

"I hope you're not suggesting I cancel on my mother, Lockwood?"

Strange. You vividly remembered George complaining about dreading his weekend at home just a few days ago. He really disliked the idea of this relic-market, clearly. It'd have to be just the three of you.

The three of you.

Posing as pairs.

Now, you weren't the best at maths (perhaps that was partly why you'd picked the field you had) but it wasn't too difficult to conclude that this wouldn't work. Either one of you would have to stay behind, or one of you would have to play a single, partnerless relic-seeker at this lovely market.

Perhaps it wouldn't be you, though. You'd played the part with Lockwood, once, a year or so ago. And well, from what you could remember. Maybe he'd remember that, maybe he'd surprise you.

"George, Barnes specifically asked for four people! I've already given him my word!"

"And I already gave you my word, Lockwood," replied George, standing up gradually, cradling his tea. “Just tell him there’s been a mix-up."

Lockwood tutted, but didn't speak again. He had accepted defeat.

You didn't linger after this. Tea forgotten, you rose from the sofa, and passed by George and Lockwood, into the hallway, and upstairs to your room. You'd think about whatever this was tomorrow. In the late afternoon, preferably.

As George had promised, Lucy was in the shower for what felt like hours, and you eventually gave in to exhaustion, dropping into bed with a yawn.

And just as soon as your eyes shut briefly, they shot back open at the sound of a door unlocking, and the patter of footsteps up the stairs. A light pattern you recognised too well.

And to you luck, it seemed, the pair bumped into one another just outside your door.

"Relic-market, this Friday. Barnes wants us undercover..." Lockwood paused. "The pair of us, if that's alright?"

Lucy hummed lightly in response. "Of course—just two of us though? Is that safe?"

Your door creaked as though someone was leaning on it. You held your breath.

"Should have been all four, but George is off, remember? Barnes wants us in pairs for safety, but we're a person down, and we can't have her alone."

He couldn't have you alone?

Or did he want to be alone with her?

"It sounds risky, Lockwood," said Lucy tentatively.

Lockwood sighed. "I'll see what Barnes says. You should go and get some sleep, Luce." There was a pause. "Have you trimmed your hair?"

"A little."

"Suits you."

You could hear him grinning.

"Thanks. Night, Lockwood."

"Goodnight."

Goodnight for each of them, perhaps. You didn’t get much sleep that night at all.

[dollyshiftz]

what each stray kids member is like in my dr !

note ! : it’s only my dr and they can act a bit different in your dr, which is totally okay because our drs are different. you can also use this post to script some of their traits in your dr.

finally finished maknae line! i’ve already done hyung line and you can check it too.

han : he’s very funny, even goofy sometimes, but that’s what i love about him the most. when we just met he was reserved and shy. i noticed that it’s difficult for him to open up to new people. during predebut days while other members were talking almost nonstop, jisung was usually quiet and would say something only if someone asked him a question. the conflict that happened between him and hyunjin also resulted from a lack of communication. i felt so bad for him because i had a similar experience in my cr with being too shy and misunderstood lots of times, so i understood him very well. i talked to him when we ended up being alone at dorms or practice rooms. he’s such a sunshine and it’s easier for him to be with one person rather than with a few. but as time passed han finally opened up fully to us. he always inspires me and i like writing songs with him a lot.

felix : i won’t gatekeep that felix is my boyfriend, and i want to talk a lot here, including story times. we just understand each other on a whole different level. sometimes i don’t even have to say anything and he already understands what i want to say. but during predebut and early debut days we had a huge conflict, which was much worse than hyunjin and han’s conflict. so, to the conflict. we were practising hellevator’s choreo and i accidentally slipped. i would have fallen down if felix, who was luckily nearby me, hadn’t grabbed me. we both ended up standing in a funny and awkward pose. of course the choreographer stopped the music and no one was dancing anymore, all eyes were on us. and then hyunjin(i can’t explain how i hate him for that!!! bro should have kept being silent) laughed loudly and said that we looked like we were about to make out. felix immediately got annoyed and let me go so quickly that i almost lost my balance. after this i snapped at felix and he snapped back at me. and for around 9-10 months (the conflict was in early august of 2017 and we made up only in may of 2018) we had misunderstandings, rows, he was always snapping at me and of course i snapped back at him too. not only chan was worried, but other members too. fortunately, we managed to make up. felix got heavily drunk, brought me a bouquet of flowers and started apologising like crazy(he would get on his knees if i didn’t stop him lol). i don’t know what got into him, but i’m glad that he got drunk that day. after he got sober we just laughed at the whole situation and finally started getting on. felix is very sweet, romantic, caring and tender. he can get jealous quickly, but it’s never been a big problem for us. he loves physical touch a lot and when we’re alone he almost never lets me go. all in all, he’s the sweetest boyfriend ever and i never regretted saying yes to him.

seungmin : he’s so sassy and funny. he can be very dramatic and i think that his jokes aren’t for everyone’s taste, but i like them a lot. he also loves playing pranks on us and they’re always so funny and even innocent in some way. for example, one time when i got back to the dorms it was dark. i wanted to turn on the lights in the hallway, but before i could do that i felt something wrap around my leg. of course i got scared and gasped loudly but then i heard someone chuckling. when i turned on the lights i found seungmin sitting next to my leg and holding it. we laughed a lot about this situation later. although seungmin seems nonchalant, he’s actually pretty sensitive inside and sometimes even insignificant things can hurt him. whenever he feels sad he always tries to distance himself from everyone. i only got to comfort him one time because he hardly allows anyone to see him “weak and soft” as he says. i really wish he would let the members and me comfort him more.

i.n : he’s such a cutie pie! i would say that he used to be very shy too at first, but not as shy as han was. he got flustered and nervous whenever i talked to him and honestly it was making me feel a little flustered as well. but as we got closer he stopped being shy and nervous. jeongin is the most sensitive member and he often keeps all his emotions to himself, which doesn’t do him good. when he opens up about what he feels, all his emotions just burst out and it not only overwhelms him, but others too. in my opinion, i.n has a low self-esteem and he’s being way too hard on himself. i always try to support him and say good things to him so that he feels better about himself. recently he has got much better and i’m so proud of him.

dividers credits : sweetparty, si-eunnis

[kalied0skull]

sharing my experience with you

dandy's world jumpscare

my brother is chronically obsessed with this game so i just be on the phone with him hearing him yap for a good 3 hours while i draw in the background (i refuse to play with him) (he's forcing me to when i go up to see him) (it's tragic /dramatic)

[ziyechs]

joe'marr bengals reunion — a (somewhat) comprehensive timeline

1 — “have you spoken to the cincinnati bengals and what would it mean to reunite with joe burrow there?” — “i have talked to the bengals. i don’t know how many times i’ve talked to them though. but, me and joe, you know, i wouldn’t mind going back with joe. if we go back together we’re trying to do nothing but get back our chemistry and have some more fun.”

2 — “i'm really excited for this draft. i don't really know what's coming but, you know, if me and joe could get back to it... i’d love to have some fun with him again.”

3 — “i assume you'd be okay with a potential reunion in cincinnati if that were to happen?" — "yeah, i wouldn’t mind.”

4 — “me and joe talked about [a reunion] maybe like three, four times actually. we talked about it a good bit of times. he texted me this morning, just letting me know: ‘get your bags packed’, so i guess that meant that was gonna be the pick. i don’t know if that was a hint or what. so, he sent me that little text this morning, i was like ‘okay… i'm ready, bro’.”

5 — “what was your reaction like when he was lowkey recruiting you?” — “i actually was believing him sometimes, sometimes i was like ‘stop playing with me’ and sometimes i was just like ‘okay bro, i gotcha, i'm ready now’ so. i believed him this morning when he told me, you know, pack my bags. so that's when i finally was like: ‘yeah he might really be calling this’ so that's when i took his word.”

6 – “jimmy burrow, did joe tell you—he’s always been kind of coy about what he said to the bengals—did joe tell you that he wanted the bengals to select ja’marr?” — “yes, i think we figured that… and eventually… yes, he pretty much told us that he wanted ja’marr.”

7 — “it was like a week before the draft, ja'marr said: ‘dad, joe texted me.’ […] he didn't say what he said, you know. but he said: ‘joe just texted me’, [...] so he had talked to joe like... or texted with joe once or twice that week. and then he told me, he said: ‘dad, if i get with joe, we're gonna kill’ [...] so he was all excited about getting with joe.”

8 — “what was the first thing joe texted you when you got drafted by the bengals?” — “make sure your bag's packed and ready. yeah, that was what he told me.”

9 — “the cincinnati bengals are on the clock now. earlier that morning, i had got a text from joe. he said: hope your bags are packed. i know it's me, at the moment, that's what i'm saying to myself. i can't wait to be a part of it.”

10 — articles: 1, 2, 3, 4

[sysig]

Experimentation (Patreon)