#blah whatever else idgaf

[danketsuround]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62070826

Bend

Characters: Kitakata Yu (Kuwana Jin), Kuwana's uncle-in-law, Original characters

Summary: In 2011, Kitakata returns to his family in Yokohama after surviving the last three years in Tokyo.

NOTE: This fic deals with heavy themes such as suicide and self-harm. Please read the tags carefully before reading. Thank you!

I hope you enjoy reading! A small note below....

woo! my first kitakata-centric fic in a long, long time. i wasn't expecting it to be this long (maybe a quarter of the size or so?) but i just kept writing and i couldn't stop. oops. someone in lj (i think the owners of the restaurant near kuwana's apartment) said he moved to yokohama in like 2011-ish so i wanted to speculate on what he might have done between 2008 and 2011, and how he got to yokohama in the first place..... so yeah that's it yay bye:)

[bedforddanes75]

smh back related Filth here...

this isnt good enough for me to post on ao3 have it here instead. 18+ and stuff. ok anyway dont tell me if this sucks just leave and dont ever speak again

back fic? george doesnt wanna think and matty likes georges back. no im not projecting what do you mean. warning (technically) Unfinished and bad and idk man just read and again if u dislike (and i find out about it) then DIE im comign to get you. listne to pink floyd and chiiiillll the fuck out IM SO STRESSED i hate posting so much i cant stop speaking im trying to soften the blow (no blowjobs happen) but like i dont know Girl someone get me a gun I REALLY WANT A GUN oh my god OKok ko koko kok ok kok ok ok ok ok juts GO there its'heere

He gets George laid on his front, face pressed right into the pillows and chest fighting to expand under his weight. George keeps making these quiet, almost pathetic noises, whimper-esque, and delicate, and Matty can tell he’s fighting not to grind into the mattress.

“You can make yourself feel good, darling. Go on.”

George responds immediately with the shaky movement of his hips, and a relieved moan, goosebumps rising.

There’s nothing between them now, George already stretched out and far gone, his only thoughts being of Matty and Matty and Matty and Matty. Who is Matty to deny him that pleasure? He’s in awe at how someone can be so beautiful, staring at George’s back like it’s the sun, and it might as well be, because he’s radiating heat like a fire, so desperate to be touched and to feel good that the only outlet is there. George moves his hips slowly at first, and he’s so overwhelmed he thinks he might come just from that, the friction from the sheets more than enough for him.

But he wants Matty.

Matty runs a cold finger down the length of his spine, reverent and appreciative, and George shivers, the motion pulling another quiet noise from him. It’s silent, bar their breathing, and the rustling of sheets, but Matty’s heart is beating so fast that he doesn’t even notice. George isn’t trying to speak, not trying to beg for anything, because he knows if he tries, all that’ll come out is something garbled and stupid, but he doesn’t care, because Matty isn’t making him do any of that today, he just touches and pleases and makes him feel like he’s in heaven.

It isn’t long before Matty’s leaning down over him, letting himself press against George from behind, and whispering things down his neck.

“You want me to make you come? Want me to fuck you, darling?” And George might just cry. He does want it, but he just cannot form the words. Matty doesn’t make him, but when he doesn’t make any move to get off and start properly touching George, George knows that he won’t do anything until he does. He usually forces George to speak when they do it like this, makes him blush and whine and George lets him and loves it, but this time, he’s letting George do things in his own time, pressure all gone, (except in his groin.)

He’s got his hands on George’s waist, now leaning back just to admire him, and George can’t wait any longer. He tries to speak, just the word please, but it doesn’t come out right, and he’s just so desperate that he can’t think to correct himself.

“Just let me look at you a bit, you’re so gorgeous.” Matty doesn’t sound like he’s aware of the fact he exists anymore, so wrapped up in how beautiful George is that time and space no longer accept him as a being, he is simply a conscience left to its own devices, floating around and latching onto this angelic figure beneath where he should be. “Pretty,” he breathes, “So pretty,” again. He’s still drawing lines on George with his nails, like he’s tracing the muscles and all the marks made over the years.

George tries to keep his breathing steady, content with where he is but simultaneously needing more like he needs air, like it’s his only source of life, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He doesn’t mind, really, he’s just happy to be touched, because every contact with Matty feels better than anything he’s ever taken, and he can’t imagine feeling any better than this. There’s static in his head, only just about covering the words he needs to make Matty do anything, and he wishes it wasn’t there, but he loves it so, so much.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” Matty whispers eventually, after years and seconds and days and hours and George can’t reply. He wants it more than anything, but he’s so focussed on trying to figure out how to express that, that he can’t do it. A nod is all he can muster up, but he knows that Matty won’t let him just do that, he needs words, proper, full words. Then, there it is, “I need you to tell me, sweet. Words.”

He’s moved further down George’s body by now, and George didn’t even realise it was happening, but he’s pressing kisses to the dimples at the base of George’s spine, so he can’t complain. Not one bit.

Then, he moves drastically lower, kisses the very top of the line between his legs, just where the fat of his [ass] starts to rise, where his thighs turn from muscle to something soft, and he just leaves his face there for a while. He’s got his chin pressed into the middle of George’s thighs, and his hands still all over his back. That makes him speak.

“Please,” he manages, and Matty seems shocked at it.

“‘Please’ what? Need you to use words.”

George can’t, and he almost feels like crying, so desperate it’s making him shake, but he tries again.

All he can do is say, “You,” like a prayer, again, again, and Matty breathes something shaky in return. But he still doesn’t make any effort to move, just strokes the back of one of George’s arms. “Please, Matty.” It feels like they’re the only words he knows, now, really.

“Just need you to tell me what you want. I’ll do it, just tell me.”

Matty was always careful not to push boundaries and to be extra nice when George got like this, he wouldn’t push anyway, but he treats George like an ornament when he’s like this. George loves it. He likes being told he’s beautiful and being allowed to not think and just feel and feel and feel. It’s nice. It’s the best.

“You. Matty. Please.” Maybe they are the only words he knows, and he doesn’t care – they’re the only words that are important.

If Matty couldn’t understand it from that, he doesn’t know what he could’ve, but, that’s a useless thought, because he’s nodding against George, whispering “Okay.”

“Tell me if you want me to do anything else. Anything you want, sweet. Do anything. Squeeze my hand if you want me to stop.”

George nods.

He has to wait a while, Matty making sure he won't hurt George if he goes too fast, slicking himself up, but then Matty pushes into him gently, gripping George’s hand tightly to keep himself under control, and all of a sudden, it’s all worth it. He’s glad Matty doesn’t have a clear view of his face, then, because he’s bright red, sweating, and he just knows he looks an absolute state. But none of that matters at the moment, because Matty is inside him, and still, and he feels so good, so good, so, so, so, so, so good.

If he thought he couldn’t speak before, that was nothing. He can’t even see, completely taken by the feeling of Matty inside him and touching his back and touching his hair and touching him and touching. Matty is the embodiment of pleasure.

“Feels so good, darling,” Matty breathes, and he must’ve leant down, because George can feel his breath on the back of his neck. He blushes at the praise.

He can’t breathe properly with the pillows covering his face, but he doesn’t have the energy to move, and even the littlest of movements make him completely lose coherency, because Matty’s pressed right up against that spot, and he can’t take it.

Matty thrusts after a while, holding George’s hand and making sure he’s okay every few seconds, but when he does, George sees stars. He’s clearly holding back, because he keeps twitching inside George, and George only wishes he could speak more so he could tell Matty to do what he needs, to take as much as he wants, but, alas, he can’t, and he just settles on letting Matty do what he’s doing now.

The feel of Matty inside him is something he‘ll never get used to, it’s all consuming, feels like he’s turning into a star and becoming something otherworldly and living and dying all at the same time. He can’t word how amazing it is, like knowing he’s safe and letting Matty do whatever he needs, because he knows it’ll be good, and he trusts him.

He, eventually, does start to move properly, but only after multiple weak noises from George, desperate and pleading for anything. Matty grabs his hips, suddenly energised and no longer having the patience to be as gentle as he was, and George loves it. He’ll take whatever Matty gives with an open mouth and a chest left wide open, ribs all snapped to get inside, and this is like a knife made of solid pleasure, because there’s that tiny bit of pain, but it’s covered up by the heat that rushes all down his limbs, right down to his fingers, every single time Matty hits that spot inside him, and then everything is all okay.

Soon enough, Matty’s got his nails in the soft, weak skin of the space just below George’s v-line, digging into the flesh and wanting to claw him apart simply because it’s the only possible way to express how intense everything he’s feeling is. George lets the pain bloom and he whimpers into the bed.

“You okay?” Matty asks, and he nods, enthusiastic and truthful and just wanting more.

That’s all he needs, and he seems to lose some amount of his self control, because he starts fucking into George harder, one hand going back to his waist to keep steady, and the other going to his hair. He doesn’t pull just yet, but George wouldn’t complain if he did, taken by the pleasure. Matty’s nails are pressing slightly, and he welcomes the sting.

The sweet, soft, gentle Matty is almost fully gone now, and he’s changed back into something like what he usually is in just a few minutes, and it’s making George sick with want. He’s tightening his grip on George’s hair more and more by the minute, and by now, it’s starting to sting.

George doesn’t think anything’s going to change after that, just thinks Matty’s going to make him come like this, and he has no reason to think anything else. That is, until Matty yanks George’s head towards himself by the hair, and George can’t help the moan he lets out. It’s loud and undignified, but Matty likes it all the same, apparently, because he holds tighter, and keeps his head there for a second. George thinks he might come just from that, the feel of Matty in his hair, tugging.

Heat ripples from his scalp, and it’s not helped by Matty starting to speak. “Fucking back, so beautiful. Perfect. It’s so pretty, fuck.” He keeps speaking until he finally unthreads his fingers from George’s hair, but George can still feel the ghost of his palm. He fixes his grip properly onto his hips and waist instead.

He’s definitely digging his nails into that pale flesh, and it wouldn’t shock George if, when he moves, there’s skin left beneath them. He’s being gentler than normal, which George is grateful for, because he knows that if Matty did anything that was any more intense than pulling his hair, he’d be coming within a minute of him sinking inside.

He can feel heat building in his stomach, and, all of a sudden, he’s overly aware of the sheets rubbing against himself, hard against them, and he whimpers, eyes squeezing. Matty’s starting to stroke his hair, and ramble.

“You feel so fucking good, Jesus Christ. Fuck, George.” He’s digging his thumb into a space near one of the dimples on George’s back now, almost like he wants it to bruise so he’s got proof of it, like the proof isn’t George’s very existence.

George gets closer a lot sooner than he’d like to, but he just can’t help it, because Matty is telling him how good he feels and how well he’s doing over and over again, and there’s so much happening, like the feel of Matty hitting just where he needs every time and the feel of himself against fabric and the image of what he must look like in his head. It’s all too much. Almost.

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Matty slows down, taps him, asks if he’s okay, and he just nods, nods like it’s keeping him alive, manages to turn his head enough to the side to say “Please, please, Matty, please,” and then his eyes roll back.

He’s so close, whining and whimpering nonsense and trying to form words to warn Matty, failing, but not caring, because he’s blinded by how good it feels, and Matty isn’t letting up, in fact, he’s fucking him harder, pulling George’s hips into his own with every thrust, determined to make him come.

It doesn’t take long before he’s right on the edge, just needing a tiny bit more, and then Matty fists a hand into his hair once more, and he’s gone. The combination of Matty fucking him so good, with the sharp pain on his scalp, is better than anything he could’ve imagined, and he cries out as he comes, over and over, moaning into the pillows and clenching his fists, begging with completely incoherent noises. Matty keeps moving for a bit, and George doesn’t have the mind to protest, nor does he want to, he’d rather lie in the afterglow and be only half aware of how overstimulated he’s becoming.

He doesn’t really notice when Matty comes, and he doesn’t notice virtually anything else for a while after, either, just lets himself be moved around as Matty tries his best to clean him, trying to manoeuvre him into some position easier to clean from, and not doing very well, because…well, the size of George.

sorry ending Shit possibly all shit but whatever i wrote most of it. enjoy life

[krystella-shifts]

Everything is clicking for me y'all!!! ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ Part 2 lmao

If you need help with: • how to stop reacting to the 3d • stop looking at 3d for validation & be ur own validation • how to manifest shifting/shift using loa • manifest FASTER cuz you won't be wavering anymore • ALL OF IT CAN BE ANSWERED FOR YOU IN THIS POST

First of let's take a example ✨

Manifesting money example ★*'•

let's say you Affirm for money, you script it or whatever you do and you get movement. You see signs or hear about a promotion at your job or idk hearing your parents talk about giving you sum cash lol BUT THEN you check your bank account and it's the same amount or you didn't see anything, you didn't hear anything else from your parents and you get discharged like "oh wtvr. Didn't work. Nothing is happening" blah blah

If you're not a shifter you don't have to read this.

Shifting ⊹ .° ୭̥

as a shifting blog (yes it is 😭) let's take a shifting example & explanation for understanding and applying in shiftings case.

So you were trying to shift to your dr and you felt all the symptoms, lights, emotions and sensations that you are there, you affirmed,you did the method, you felt like you ARE there but you were still nervous to open your eyes, unsure if you shifted but you finally did open your eyes.... And it was your bubble reality (I call this shiz bubble reality deal with it 💀) THEN YOU GOT FRUSTRATED AND PUT LABELS ON THIS ATTEMPT AS A "FAILED ATTEMPT" AND ROLLED OVER AND CALLED IT A DAY.

My honest reaction if you've done anything like that:

First of all- why're you "TRYING"?? you're the one deciding here, you're the creator of your reality. No matter what kind of reality you're experiencing, you 🫵🏻 created it. Yes you did. And all those symptoms, yeah tbh it's fun to feel symptoms but they're just the effects on body and your body is NOT the one shifting so don't focus on it too much, use it as a placebo effect rather. if you get symptoms believe that they mean you're shifting/have shifted. You did all that affirming, visualizing and felt it, you were almost certain you shifted.. but the thing is you need to be FULLY certain instead of almost certain. No matter what you see, you keep having it in your mind/imagination. HERE'S WHY YOU DO NOT LOOK AT THE 3D FOR VALIDATION... CUZ IT IS LOOKING RIGHT BACK AT YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE FOR VALIDATIONNNN. you're the validation here.

4d is above 3d for a reason. Why we call it more real reality is because it is the one creating. Imagination is the creative mode, like a factory where it's all made. Physical world is just a reflection of it so what's more real bruh? A mirror? Absolutely not. So why would you look at it for validation. It's like wanting to put on mascara but you're putting it on the mirror and asking why it's not working. Cuz YOU ARE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO CHANGEEE. if you are not even changing then don't even be upset that the 3d is still the same pls. Ofc it is cuz your core beliefs are still the same as well!

You don't look outside of you for validation when you're literally creating the outside from the inside (your imagination.)

It's like reading yesterday's news paper and expecting today's news.

A very important thing that clicked for me was when I Affirm/visualise/script wtvr, it's inevitable that I'm gonna get what I want so there's ABSOLUTELY NO REASON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH TO CHECK THE 3D BRUH. it clicked for me that 3d is so ducking powerless 😮‍💨 unless ‼️ YOU give it power. It's ONLY a reflection of who you are, what you're being/your state. Idgaf, the law doesn't gaf. whatever you assume IS true.

So why are you letting 3d decide if you have it or not? If you shifted or not? If you stick to the fact that you do have it, NOT for the 3d to confirm, cuz that's inevitable, but for YOU. do it for you bro, do it for you. And OBVIOUSLY it's gonna be reflected in the physical IF YOU ARE STICKING TO THE NEW STORY. Don't go back and forth with "oh I have it" "no i don't FML" "i am in my dr" "when will I shift from this reality? It sucks" YOU CAN'T SERVE TWO MASTERSSSS

So stop looking at the 3d for validation cuz you're the one who created and is creating it. Even if you open your eyes here- no you didn't. No you DID NOT. You're literally in your DR, wtf are you talking about? You're literally slaying. I am in my dr cuz I said so. Idgaf what 3d says.

TMI: my wallpaper literally says "Go within, everything you need is there" No matter what it is, it's gonna happen if you have it in the 4d.

[missionaryghoul]

I’m losing my mind so here’s a looong post going through all jacks potential dads properly.

Starting with the first Cygnus

Cygnus is canonically tied to nightswan because he worked for her and it is very possible he’s Jack's dad but there’s things that go against the theory. He went to the showdown to apologize for his wrong doings and not apologize to nightswan. It also mentions something about a LOVED ONE not a lover (correct me if I’m wrong) and loved one is a term often used for family or close friends and maybe that could be Jack or someone else. Also Cygnus has blue hair and brown eyes meanwhile Jack has red hair and his mothers green eyes but something something recessive genes blah blah biology dna whatever

He could still possibly be jacks dad though some way (also i do like the idea that he played a father figure role to Jack though)

Next is captain crimson

Captain adventure boner crimson. He is another possible option to be jacks father with his red hair but what else? Crimson has a completely different color scheme than Jack and we see through Si’ha, the traveler and wanderlust the kids share color schemes and other things with their children like Jack wearing pink feather, gold jewelry etc. next up we know that he travels and isn’t always in one spot is it possible that he could’ve dated night swan temporally? Possibly but I don’t think so because we have plum. We can assume plum ditched crimson due to his adventure boner getting out of hand yes. I seen a theory I think on Instagram or Twitter that Nightswan is plum and I don’t think so because plum is visibly an adult and we’re just getting teen Nightswan also she doesn’t seem like the type to get on a ship with a pirate it’s just too imperfect for her also I feel she holds herself to higher standards than dating a pirate. Is it still possible? Yes.

Lastly we got zest fest vester

Um that’s it he’s just zesty.

Idgaf who the dad is as long as it isn’t the traveler.

[iron-bullogna]

Why did you name your durge Sanctus? Is there a story behind that?

omg Anon thank you for even asking essentially Gortash names him. Sanctus doesn't have a name before that, besides whatever his adoptive family gave him, but at this moment, he doesn't remember it or them (idk I'm workshopping that still idk how much of his early life is relevant to who he is now)

while blah blah blah it's based in latin idgaf, it was more as a joke. Sanctus is 'holy', it's the start of a hymn, it's intended to be my own mockery of Bhaal.

essentially, because he had no name Gortash found it cumbersome to refer to him but also, "the Dark Urge" is a bit pretentious and he sure wouldn't call him "my lord" like everyone else. Sanctus never had a need for name because he is so much more than that. Sanctus pre-tadpole was...fanatical. he was death embodied, murder made flesh, the last breath as it leaves your lungs. (also similar to lae'zel he is far more poetic than he gives himself credit for)

but he's practical. it was used almost as a code word. always alone to identify that one another was not a doppelganger. and it was asked for in a specific way.

the name though...did more damage than they ever could have realized. it humanized him in a way he wasn't before. even before the tadpole, Gortash awakened a glint of humanity that the Dark Urge never knew was there. my "nod" to the fact, even before, he had the potential to break free from Bhaal.

and then as their relationship developed, the joke is on Gortash now because lmao you found sanctuary in the man you made to mock ya fucking IDIOT

[trolagygirl2022]

Yang hyunsuk has been imprisoned for 3 years sooooooo we're possibly being fooled again with the debut news because my gut says its 2024 due to ygs business tactics as it is the BP disbandment rumours have been going around and his own legal case if messing up the image of the company like dude we heard the same things a month or two back about them debuting in September and we got nothing.there is gonna be a MASSIVE change in the group which will prolly lead them to once again plan shit properly for them,when that happens there will possibly be success and the girls will be fine.

The tarot cards I got were death,the world,wheel of fortune, hermit,10 of pentacle, patience.

You can write your observations about my cards too if you want to.

Your opinions on this.Can you do a reading on this?

I'll just do a general reading on BabyMonster

Knight of Swords, Cups and Wands. The Lovers, Judgement rev, Ace of Pentacles, The Fool, Nine of Swords, Page of Wands, Ten of Wands, Six of Cups.

They are working hard on the debut, adding some finishong touches but the Judgement rev is giving me a bad feeling. A possible scandal may happen. When I asked about the Judgement I got Six of Cups so it's something someone did when they were younger or it's one of the younger members (or a water sign).

What is this scandal? The fool, Nine of Wands, Ten of Pentacles rev, Temperance, Six of Pentacles (when I asked about this Six of Pentacles I got: Three of Cups, Knight of Wands and Two of Cups). King of Cups rev (I asked more about the KoC rev and I got: The Hanged Man, The Hermit, Ace of Pentacles, Nine of Swords.

Ok.. I lokey feel someone payed their way into the group (allegedly for entertainment purposes only). Or that some money is involved. So the person represented by the Six of Cups is the King of Cups rev. This person is pretty bratty, emotionally immature, snarky and probably pretty sensitive. They are like more withdrawn and hidden then the other members (I'm picturing if everyone else were to take a picture she would have an attitude and sit in the corner, I'm also imagining the members being like "what's up with her/ what's her problem".) She may have anxiety or she is causing issues in the group. With the Hanged Man she doesn't gaf because she's all like " You can't kick me out because my dad/family funds this company, blah blah blah". She most likely has connections with YG. I feel that the others are working really hard meanwhile behind the scenes she's all like "whatever" and doesn't give in as much as everyone else does leaving everyone frustrated. The energy is quite rocky here and it seems to be causing some issues. This person may be doing risky things or being immature (picture everyone at Niagra falls right, everyone is staying where they are supposed to be meanwhile this one is walking over the fine rop, silly example but that's what I'm getting here.) Very bold idgaf energy.

[marvelsassbutts]

love to see that I’m not the only one still bitter about the valkyrie bullshit lmao like instead of wasting time on that hamfisted ass scene to appeal to colorist (it’s true i said what i said) fans they could’ve given carolmaria more development. but they chose to all but no-homo their love story instead of paying them any mind (love what the fandom has done w the crumbs tho very tasteful lmao). like i know a lot of people are fine with/made peace with Carol never visiting because blah blah not good enough whatever but like. naw. no. nope. makes no sense idgaf what the movies say that was her wife. fuck you mean she never came back??? anyway this was incoherent as hell lmao but JUSTICEFORMARIAAAAA

it makes NO SENSE that carol didn't come see her to the point that the movie seemed unable to make up its mind about it?!

like carol never visited but her conversation with maria was "the cancer's back" so carol had to have known about it before - carol never visited but had collected all those clippings and books and had a TICKET to a BASEBALL GAME in 2004???? like when we look at the details it's like they wanted carol to be there but then had to appease something else ....

even without maria, the val and carol thing was so out of nowhere like they haven't spoken once before this and then she's kissing her on the cheek ??😭 like if you want to convince me give me some context

and i feel even more that maria was supposed to have a bigger role because of the ring she had that then monica had - why have such an important costume piece and not address it ?? i don't know...i think valcarol did distract from other more developed areas and it really is a shame but at least it was a small small part of the overall movie

obviously i'm happy the mcu tried it's hand at sapphic representation but the total dismal of a relationship with a dark skinned black woman is very apparent and makes the whole thing very sour

i can only hope for carol and binary to fix it all😭

[yn-xoxo]

I really, and truly believe that this is the year I fully step into who I am. I have kept myself hidden for so many years due to everyone around me calling me obnoxious and annoying. :D! ((that shit really fucking hurt guys because wtf do you mean you hated me the whole time? We have been friends for years/you’re my parents/you’re my sister/you are my partner!!!)) I mean, like, I understand that child me was doing the absolute best with what she had, but goddamn ;-; I’ve spent so many years being afraid of human connection even though it’s the thing I have always craved most. And yes, blah blah, childhood trauma, blah blah. But after spending soooooo many years trying to dissect myself inside and out (with or without therapy), I have finally come to terms with the life I have lived so far, but goddamn it! I didn’t survive all of this shit just to give up!! I did all of this healing on my own, day in and day out, without an ounce of support from anyone else around me. My family knew of my mental health issues and still!!! Didn’t give a fuck! Idk, idc! Idgaf! I’ve tried to fit myself into so many different boxes that have never suited me and I’m done! I’m just… tired of living up to everyone else’s expectations and still somehow doing it wrong. If people want to misunderstand me, whatever. I can’t bring myself to care anymore. Lmfao xD

[fireangel]

You know what I hate?

People assigning arbitrary ideas to fashion trends

A trend's sole purpose is marketing

It's like the idea of consumerism has been disguised in the guise of an art form using the idea of fitting in with everyone and keeping up with some code or some sort is necessary to be accepted, if being accepted means looking the same as everyone around me, then to that I say fuck off

Don't get me wrong, I've always admired the ability for expression, but my own pride has always stood in the idea that I'm going to wear whatever the fuck I want any fucking way that I want and IDGAF what anyone else has to say about it

I'm going to be myself, even if the thing that I choose is not fitting in or actively choosing to be boring, then that's exactly what I'll do

I wasn't born into this world to be an indentured slave to capitalism

The idea of uniformity might be pragmatic to some, but it's also a suffocating type of peer pressure that does nothing but promote unnecessary consumerism

Wear this eyeshadow, no you wear the laces like this and they have to be this colour......blah blah fucking blah

If others are able to assign meaning to the things I wear and the way I wear them and the impose it upon as a set of standards, then there's nothing stopping me from doing the same back to them

I doubt they'd enjoy it........

Maybe people should stop assigning meaning to things thinking it's the same for everyone

Although I imagine those that think things only have one meaning imagine their way of using something as superior or the only way it should be done

I despise single-minded cookie cutter ideas, they are so beigeist and boring

Rule #12 "Just because you've always done something the same way, you don't have to keep doing it that way"

Unless someone keeps doing it to you and you have no other course of action than retaliation...... especially when they've earned it through continued misdeeds and taking advantage of those more vulnerable for their own ends and benefits without ever admitting to doing the wrongs thing

It's a surefire way to establish a person's intentions and values, and their inability to adequately judge a person's character

It's the response to an error that counts, an apology is very quiet and hollow, and lacks the follow through of the true repentance of changing their actions and making up for the wrongs they have committed

And why those who attempt to hold off their judgement will only dig their own holes deeper

Such is the fate of capitalism

[glowinthedarkz0mbie]

Genuinely hilarious to put my last "relationship" into perspective.

1. We get 2gether, idgaf if he sexts anyone, anytime, idgaf if he finds someone better (I literally implored him...)

2. I spend about five years feeling immense guilt for even thinking about how cute anyone else is because bf didn't really communicate how he felt about that. (Until the very end ???)

3. I fall in love with someone who understands me like nobody I've met before, someone who's showed me that i don't actually know what it's like to be respected and loved, somebody who is the kindest most hard working person I've ever met, our personalities are a million times more compatible, they don't make me feel pressured to do things I really don't want to, they don't make me insecure about my body and then say I did that to them(he's a fucking twig calling himself fat. How tf u think that makes ME feel you stupid ugly bitch I WEIGH MORE THAN YOU!!!!😒 kys.)

4. I decide to be honest and tell him straight up when we start feeling sexual tension between us.

5. He becomes possessive, starts showing the same signs he literally watched me break up with people for ???

6. Becomes incredibly hostile towards my best friend, someone who has more life experience, wisdom, intelligence and genuine skill that he will legit ever have. I also knew from the beginning that he would be attracted to them too but whatever bozo LMAOO, we break up after he goes through my phone as I'm sleeping.(and yeah, RLLY shoulda done that sooner but the way he was acting was really scaring me. NOW I KNOW WHY 🙂)

7. He reveals his true personality bit by bit (cyberbullying my best friend, brainwashing them into hating themself, continuously violated their privacy, manipulated tf out of us.) and the more I get to know him the more I remember how much he legitimately didn't know the first things about me during the relationship. He literally faked so much...lied SO MUCH. five years wasted on somebody I didn't fucking know. Someone who absolutely would have fucking made fun of me in school. Someone who will never have the life experience to even understand me or anything about me.

8. I find out about him harassing my bestie, I set the record straight and tell him EXACTLY what the fuck is up. He apologizes and says he was wrong and stupid blah blah blah.

9. Never really changes...ends up kinda just proving his apology meant nothing but then still tries to be friends with my bestie.

10. Starts being really fuckin weird with bestie, makes them uncomfortable a lot.

11. Ends up "falling in love" with them 💀

12. He gets pissed off and reveals himself as a true stereotypical male and feels like my bestie somehow OWES HIM for that little "friendship" he attempted with them ???? Yeah you can slit your throat and post it you ugly cunt. The fact that I really had the capacity to love THAT, and disregard so fucking much because I LOVED HIM. For him to say "you never loved me."

Pal, ONE of us loved the other enough to say "if you find someone who makes you happy I want you to be with them." And BITCH! IT WASNT YOU!

[infinity0nhigh]

Ok buckle up ‘cause this is gonna be an angry rant unlike most of my positivity posts and whatnot. Like. This is the opposite of what my blog usually is- “You're beautiful the way you are now. Your current body. Your face. Everything about you is precious. You're wonderful. Don't live at war with yourself.” yeah whatever aaaanyways I need to lose weight desperately and I’ve been working hard on it (I.E. hardly eating and exercising much more than usual) but seeing minimal results. I hate PCOS I hate PCOS I hate PCOS I hate PCOS I hate PCOS I hate PCOS and I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO TAKE A MONTHLY ANTIPSYCHOTIC INJECTION ‘cause those REALLY fuck with your weight and hormones!!! it increases ghrelin, a chemical messenger in the brain associated with appetite control and energy metabolism, which can lead to increased hunger levels and weight gain!!! it also affects neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine (that’s literally part of the job of an antipsychotic; to act as a partial agonist or antagonist at certain serotonin and dopamine receptors so it can balance mood and prevent psychosis), and histamine which can then lead to inappropriate hunger cues!!! but even when you don’t overeat, you can still gain weight with this shit, because most of all…

…it increases blood sugar levels!!!!! and makes insulin resistance much worse! so watch out if you have PCOS

…and yet you will NEVER fucking hear a psychiatrist mention this information to anyone who receives treatment with antipsychotics, not even if they’re obese and at risk for Type 2 diabetes OR IF THEY’RE LITERALLY DIABETIC. they won’t say a word about it!!! I’m only prediabetic, but still, if you take Abilify (like I do), they’ll tell you “oh this medication is one of the more weight-neutral antipsychotics” (actually said to me by several psychiatrists and psychiatric nurse practitioners) WHICH IT IS NOT, AND THE MEDICAL LITERATURE LITERALLY SHOWS THAT IT’S NOT. Dumbasses that need more CME’s, all of them.

………anyways.

yeah. I reeeally wanna lose weight and I’m basically starving myself most of the time to get there, and I have to continue cutting out carbs bc of the insulin resistance and blah blah blah, AND IT’S THE SLOWEST PROCESS EVER. Last time I lost 100lbs, it did not take me this fucking long. It was also 10000x easier.

but yeah, idgaf about “not being at war with myself UwU” WHEN MY WEIGHT IS LITERALLY RUINING MY HEALTH. My lab results were horrible from my last doctors visit. Half the shit was “out of range” and I have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease and abnormal kidney function, but PLEASE tell me more about how my body is fine the way it is. Lmfao. I’m in such a bad mood over this. It’s probably because I’m just hangry, but I literally can’t even eat or else I’ll gain weight because of PCOS and Abilify. I wanna scream!!!!!

And then when you’re this big people look at you like you’re lazy as hell and gorge yourself on Big Macs day in and day out WHEN I LITERALLY DON’T!!!!!

Sorry to get this upset about what was actually a very innocent and kindhearted text post someone wrote, but man, it just struck a nerve.

[certifiedceraunophile]

I can see that you're not a native English speaker but your grasp on the language is applaudable how long have you been learning?

Your writing (both tumblr posts and fanfiction) have a classical elegance to it and it's hard for even native speakers to communicate their thoughts as beautifully as you do 💙 Have you taken some special training for it?

Oh my god angel anon this is so sweet, and lmao you're right I'm not a native speaker like at all, tbvvh I struggle a lot w english, always have like I'd score the lowest in it out of all my subjects in high school, ugh my total percentage always took a hit bc of it -_- wont ever stop being salty about it ngl, so no I've had no real training whatsoever beyond like the general compulsory learning in school, and also anybody who chats w me for like more than a minute will immediately know that idgaf about spellings or sentence structure or general coherency in my day to day english, Lmao which reminds me the other day I literally told someone I ~idealize~ I look up to in every way possible when it comes to writing *cough* Jenn @cbk1000 *cough* that “……blah something blah…..I teached...blah blah” while talking and I didnt notice it for like a hot second and Jenn is too sweet (sort of) to point it out but oh my god I was mortified by it when I realized what I had said, but honestly what throws me is that I didn't really notice it was wrong for a long time and like I thought it was a-ok until it hit me that it’s taught.

So in all honesty my english is as good as any non-native speaker who had to learn the language growing up strictly for school purposes.

That being said in my ff writing I just try really really pathetically hard when I write, like the pretension leaps out and tries to reproduce whatever I myself have consumed so far in terms of writing and recycle it as my own crap, I just have this ability (it's not a special thing everyone does it lmao) to subsume what I read and I mostly just take sentences, metaphors and other writerly things sometimes even just the mood/setting of the writing that strike me and rewrite it w an added touch of pretension and it's actually really tangible how much I allow what I read to drastically affect how I write and since I read a weird eclectic mix of really….just a lot of different things that shouldn't really go together lol, my writing style/ narrator voice/ mood setting for my ff also varies a lot, like one day I write Klaus w a satire and critical wit that’s not exactly Voltaire but close, where he’s pretty much just disgusted by everything and decides to mock it all with a straight face and the next day I write him as a lil pining shit with saccharine levels of romanticism in my writing to appeal to his artist-soul mostly bc I sat my ass down and read a poem or two by Keats prior to writing, other days he’s cute and murderous, wears human teeth as jewelry and is just a tiny bit poignant bc I had a date with Poe….so yeah basically what I’m trying to say is that the only "training" I've ever had is what I've already read all these years and what I write is just all the text I've kept w myself and can recollect and re-arrange into my own writing, which is why I would never consider my work to be something that’s completely and originally mine bc I have this personal saying that goes, 

“Everything I see is an image of an image.”

Which to me means a lot of things but in this particular context means that nothing I create belongs to me and only me, it belongs to every writer I’ve read before writing it and will be reminisced by every author who I’ll read after it, that everything I create is just what creators before me have done but have allowed me to take their creations and make it mine before I too pass it on with love and history to the next person.

I also have another quote I feel in every inch of my heart and that’s

"I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women and men that I have loved; all the cities I have visited."

-Jorge Luis Borges

So really this is just my personal...philosophy?? Belief, that I owe my creativity to the world and everything it creates *through* me because I don't own the beauty, I’m only a lens through which it passes through, that my creativity refracts the world's beauty into my life and my creations, and I am glad, blessed to have been the lens through which such beauty passes through.

And that I am more than happy to just be another image who is someone else’s reflection or the very object someone else will reflect, I love how much that connects every human being and every object of beauty, of creation in existence inescapably.

Now I’ve rambled on a lot like a LOT, definitely wayyyyyy more than that simple ask warranted lmao so I’ll shut up and just say you’re the sweetest lovely anon this message made me feel so very flattered and I genuinely think I blushed (and trust me brown girls cannot blush mostly bc the melanin wont let the pink filter through lmao) and I am honoured to know that you thought I took some professional coaching for this because I literally am the most amateur absolutely clueless bullshit your way through everything writer you will find out there and I am ngl proud of that.

(like seriously dude the other day I learnt for the first time how to use a semi colon and I s2g I wanted to dig a hole and bellyflop into it after realizing how many bloody times I’ve used a semi colon wrong like jfc someone kill me before I do it myself it’s mortifying)

eenyways *tackle hugs* thank you for making me smile and for your kind words youre absolutely precious 💖 and I dont deserve the compliments but I am never gonna let them go bc they make my heart warm.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 05 + 07.12.20 lbs

05.12.20

“tum saari property mere naam karoge.”

BITCH WHAT NOW???????????

V like dadiiiiiiiiiii ko dhokaaaaaaaa?!!!!?!?!?! oh ho, lagta hai pair chhoote chhoote V ko asli waale feels aa gaye dadi ke liye, free of charge!

THIS MAN AND HIS FACE NEED TO BE STOPPED SO HELP ME GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

also what else that tongue do (other than throw constant taane to guilt a bitch) baby boy mmmmmmmhmmmmmmm 😏😏😏

riddhima thinking ki property meaning khatra and she can’t allow it to stay on dadi, she has to take it on herself, so that if kabir tries hurting anyone, it’ll be her.

this one’s paar ki nazar has recognized that train of thought, i think.

she’s like think whatever you want idgaf, just do whatever the fuck i say or else. and don’t even think of charging me an extra paisa. jaake bhaanda phodna hai toh phod lo, phir you won’t get your remaining 4.5 cr. DAMN GIRL, WHERE THIS SHAATIR TAKE-CHARGE SIDE OF YOURS BEEN ALL THIS TIME???????/

hubs thinking same thing. he’s never been more turned on by her as when she’s using maximum brain.

“kya hai?????? aise taad kyun rahe ho?????????”

“taadna ekdum free of cost hai. only for your pretty face!” I HATE HIM.

LOVE THIS TROPE. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE.

face change from smiley eyes to shaatir eyes, as he contemplates the facts before him. unf, the things it does to me to see him emote.

lijiye, iss show ke Idiot Brothers. and their plans to prove it’s not vansh and to get riddhima thrown out. i’ll pass.

but this one’s face tho. cutest. 

same, aryan. mera bhi yehiiiii reaction hai. taareeef karoon kya uskiiiii, jissne, tumhe banaaya!

some rando has come and is like hi, i’m your new lawyer; your old one appointed me before he left. no doubt he’s been sent by kabir.

V’s face: chutiya samajh rakha hai kya???? that’s not how this shit works.

v is like you’re here about my will and lmao riddhima’s all happy thinking oh vihaan has started my work already. SIS TILL NOW WHAT HAS HE DONE ACC TO YOUR PLAN? TELL ME ONE (1) THING THAT HE’S DONE LIKE YOU SAID.

yadda yadda yadda lawyer is like the property cannot be transferred for a few months. because Reasons. sure. sounds legit.

kabir is ecstatic. needs to learn to hide his MWAHAHAHAHAHA MERA CHAAL KAAM KAR GAYA FACE better if he wants to win at this game. he’s up against poker face all india/tellywood champion.

fb to kabir bribe/threatening lawyer. zero surprise.

V telling dadi idc about all this, meri asli daulat toh aap hai. lmao he really just does not give the other grandkids a chance to be #1 in dadi’s books.

ishani is pakka sure this is vansh bhai itselfffffffffff. and lmao angre’s suspicious face. they’re legit like:

V trying to negotiate salary increase (10% per month!!!!!!!!) and riddhima’s like bhakkkkkkk, sabzi mandi laga rakhi hai kya maine? yeh faltu ki bargaining nahi chalegi yahaan, jo karna hai karlo.

ishani’s back with bhai’s favvvvvvvvv chocolate cake and.... OH NO HE WAS SO FUCKING RUDE TO HERRRRRRRRRRRRR. riddhima ko sabak sikhaane ke liye ishani ko kyun sunaaaa rahe hoooo!?!?!?!!?

anyway riddhima tried to sametofy that raita by apologizing to ishani and.......... that went as well as expected.

kabir and aryan watching and lootofying mazze.

lmaooooo aryan tubelight ko situation samajh hi nahi aaya and kabir is just like

lmao have you seen a more pitying look????

angsty piano playing time.

lmaooooooooo she’s like “jahaan vansh banna tha, wahaan bann nahi paaye, yahaan yeh karke kya kya fayyda hai?” which......... troo. i really like this give-no-fucks version of riddhima who says what’s on her mind, instead of just doing lengthy internal monologues of stupidity. 

as,kjdlkasjd;lksjd;lkjsa;ldkjsa;lk she’s like vansh never yelled at anyone if it wasn’t a big deal. to which V is reacting just the way i am rn.......

‘lmao reallllllllly??? i don’t remember it like that.’

more lecture and yeah, i relate to him.

ishani over here crying to angre about bachpan se leke aaj tak vansh bhai ne kabhi nahi daanta. which again i’m like?????????? i have literally only seen V1.0 yelling at ishani for some bs or the other. literally never has he shown her any pyaar; the most he’s ever mellowed at her was when he gruffly told her sunny’s “truth” and made her understand that the wedding with angre would be good for her. nostalgia comes with some reallllll rose tinted glasses huh, ki everyone’s whitewashing asshole!vansh this way.

soft ship gently chugging along!

anyway angre has a plan and ishani like so help me god imma murder this fucker if he’s not vansh. there’s my girl!!!!!

this one is driving a hardddddddd bargain and wow, really going to town on that piano. riddhima doesn’t find it shady at allllllllllllllllll that he’s an equally good piano player as vansh huh? zerooooo thoughts about that.

“gunaah karne waale se bada gunehgaar hota hai gunaah sehne waala.” bhai waaah, isske victim complex ko mera salaam, ki bechaara is ONLY GETTING 5 CRORES, BOOOOOO HOOOOO.

“jabse tumse yeh deal kii haina, badi gandiiiii waali feeling aa rahi hai!” lmaoooooo yeah sureee, i can see how torturous it is, to be paid OBSCENELY to......... play yourself.

“mujhe teen guna chahiye. i want triple.”

BITCH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF 3X SLKJDFSLKJFLDK 15 CRORES I KNOW TERA HI PAISA HAI BUT HADH HAI BHAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII?!?!? YOU SOUNDING A LOT LIKE THIS GUY:

oh boy ishani and angre have entered hearing about “triple”.

badi safaai se he said OH I MEANT IMMA BAKE A TRIPLE LAYER CHOCOLATE CAKE FOR YOU TO SAY SORRY.

softttttttttttttttttttt siblingssssssss. baaaaabies.

but hubs and wifey have come with some stress relief for bhai, lol.

lmao riddhima’s reactionnnnnnnnn.

lo ji yeh bhi aa gaya rang mein bhang daalne. wants to make things interesting via bet. some realllllll high stakes shit. good lord, don’t be gross and bet riddhima or something, maharabharat style.

aaaaaand it’s on!

no point screaming in your mind, riddhima. should have sent him to basketball camp before you recruited him.

"bohut mazaa aayega!!!!” lmaooooooo seeeeee, i told y’all. all this big baby legit wants is someone to playyy with himmmmm. have you ever seen him look THISSSSS HAPPY EVERRRRRR??????????

——————————————————————— 

07.12.20

lmao @ his purposely bad dribbling.

stressing Dollar Biwi out some more by saying he hasn’t even watched the game on tv.

unffffff. Chehra Appreciation Break. these go out to my girl @nawaazishein​ (she knows exaaaaaaaactly why.)

riddhima is like when you pick teams, pick me, and kabir is here to talk smack and say everyone’s gonna find outtttttt nowwww.

ok great, whole fam’s here. there’s a chalkboard set up for the score and everythinggggg. coz as per usual, no one else has nothing else to do. not even catch up on their podcasts or play some candy crush or nothing. they just wanna watch these two grownass men having a pissing contest.

V wins the toss but aryan’s bitch ass lies and says kabir won it. K selects riddhima first.

he knew that kabir’s dumb ass would do exactly that. besides, he’s seen riddhima play. she sucks ass at it. best if she brings down K’s team from the inside, lol.

V’s picks: useless!chacha, angre. K’s pick: aryan. rules established, ki after every 10 points, rival team se player will be out.

all i can think of rn is that everyone went and changed and riddhima’s gonna play in her sari and heels?!?!?!?!!!?!?

game faces on!

lol such bball captain and his gf head cheerleader vibes. CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh god are we supposed to sit and listen to chachi’s commentary?!?!!?!?

please note i’m literally only watching this ep to see the boys’ shirts move and expose chest and abs. 

riddhima gets the ball and is standing there in one place dribbling so that V can easily intercept and he’s just..........

............. imitating a frilled dragon or some shit?????

kabir just took the ball from her and scored.

first basket he made and he’s already telling vansh to give up. dude, hadh hoti hai overconfidence ki.

V like haar-jeet ka faisla end mein hota hai. i would say i’ve already won, getting to see this much sweaty neck and chest, mmmmhmmmmmm.

SCOREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! i mean, yeah V scored a point in the game or whateverrrrrrrr, BUT **I** GOT TO SEE SOME TUMMY WHEN HE JUMPED UP!!!!!

lol idk what the sassy finger wave was for, but i liked watching it.

THIS DUMBASS. SOMEONE PLEASE JUST PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY.

aryan’s out.

AND I SCORE AGAIN!!!!! ouff, the things i have to resort to coz they don’t gimme tellywood men shirtless anymore.

useless!chacha’s out.

askljdlkjlkdjlsakjdlsakjdlsdjlaskjdlj bechaara kabir.

“you. out, please!”

sureeeeeely he will not pull the kkhh move in front of the whole fam??????/ will he?????????

look at his face, ki awwwwww, how cute that she’s trying.

riddhima is so stupid, if she scored all these points, why didn’t she pick V to leave the game instead of angre!?!?!?!!?!?

BITCH DID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“isski har harkat vansh se kyun milti hai?????” idk sis, take a wiiiiiiiiiild guess. if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck........... MAYBE THE FUCKING 6 FOOT 2″ DUCK LOOMING IN FRONT OF YOU AND RUNNING HIS HANDS ALL OVER YOU IS YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND??????

the way he’s smiling is practically challenging her to figure it out.

she’s still like nope, not him. just a coincidence. while she mulls on that brain fart, imma stare at rrahul’s chest some more.

of course.

YOUR WHOLEASS FAMILY IS STANDING THERE WATCHING THIS OMG I’M DYING OF SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENTTTTTTTT FUCKING TAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM YOU WEIRDOS

“yeh bonus hai. free of charge. just for your pretty face!”

this dumbass is also hung up ki how overnight he became good at playing basketball. abbe oh gobar ganesh why can’t you just accept it’s him?!!?!?!?

aryan’s like dude, it’s him. i’ve seen him play. this is him.

but there must be somethinggggggg unique about vansh’s style right????

ahaaaa, ambidextrous.

kabir legit threw something like that looks like a clown’s nose. i guess he just carries that around full time coz he’s a 🤡🤡🤡

blah blah we already knew this from the precap. i’m just fwding to when he plays with the left and wins.

lmao V’s faaaaaaaaace. when kabir finally gets his day of reckoning, vansh is really nottttttt gonna hold back.

never seen ppl THIS happy to see a left handed person, lol.

“vihaan vansh ki tarah left hand se khel sakta hai??????”

CUTESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmaoooooooooo his face is like jo toota nahi tha, woh bhi tod ke rakh degi.

lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. asshole.

uh huh honeyyyyyyyyy. did the Vansh Move.

asking how you did all this when i never told you these facts about vansh?

“tum zaroorat se zyaada sochti ho, Sweetheart.”

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“kya aisa humne pehle kabhi nahi kiya? kya yeh pal humaari zindagi mein kabhi bhi nahi aaya, riddhima?” he said her name The Vansh Way, not The Vihaan Way!!!!!!!

“tum mere......”

“haan riddhima, yeh tumhara veham nahi hai. main vihaan nahi, vansh hoon. tumhara vansh.”

haaaaaaye bechaari. at this point i’m feeling quite bad for her. it’s not her fault she’s so stupid. ab hai toh hai. kya kar sakte hain. bedagarkkkkkk ho tera, vansh. may you die of blue balls for fucking with her simple mind this way.

i just did my homework reallllllllllly well, it seems. so my 3x payment is totally worth it. god i wish that pool was full, so that i could dunk his head into it and hold it there for a few minutes.

THIS ASSHOLE DOESN’T EVEN FEEL A LITTLE BIT BAD FOR WHAT HE’S DOING. LIKE, THODAAAA TOH HE SHOULD FEEL.

and then he turns around and looks at her like this!?!?!?!!?!?!? OUFFFF. FUCK YOU MANNNNNN.

blah blah talk about how now everyone must be convinced (except kabir) but yeah, i’m just here for The Face.

JFC SIS. AT THIS POINT YOU JUST NEED TO PULL A KHUSHI KUMARI GUPTA SINGH RAIZADA AND YANK A FEW HAIRS OUT FROM HIM AND ISHANI AND SEND IT FOR A DNA TEST.

shhhhhhhhhh, koi hai. yup. and not at all an excuse to get touchy touchy with wifey and give her some more mindfucky clues as to who you are.

someone’s watching us, we gotta sort out the property shit realllll quickkkkkkkkk.

he has An Idea, it seems. oh boy.

[myatuesday]

I hate that when we're coming to our dude w an issue (aka bitching)

All they hear is "blah blah blah" bitching Charlie Brown teacher voice.

Instead of listening to what the fuck it is we're saying.

I put the shit it writing. I guess he doesn't really read it? Cause he's still like

"Idk wtf you want. All you do is bitch."

Smh.

Sigh.

ISTG.

Or can't separate the praise from the pain

Wtf do you think it means when I say,

"Idgaf if you give me $1,000,000

I want you to stop talking to that bitch."

Did I stutter?

It means EXACTLY what the fuck I JUST mothafuckin said.

Idgaf if you give me $1,000,000

I want you to stop talking to that bitch.

PERIODT.

What about that is confusing?

Or hard to decipher?

Well I'm buying you flowers, I'm taking you to dinner, I'm trying to be nicer to you...

Are you still fucking w that hoe?

Ok then.

Ummm.

Then thanks for that

But

STOP FUCKING WITH THAT HOE

They don't cancel eachother out.

The fuck.

Oldest trick in the book.

Like I'm fucking stupid?

"Well you didn't tell me outright what you wanted. I asked and asked"

Motherfucker.

Not only have I been saying it, and yes, BITCHING about it for 3 goddamn years. I have indeed said it outright.

You wanna play dumb. To keep PLAYING ME.

Time. And time. And time. Again.

Do you need a billboard?

We've talked about it 1000x

You've seen it in writing countless times.

You read my goddamn Tumblr. Hello. Hi.

It's not a fucking mystery.

Period. Hello.

I'm not new.

_

Now I've gone so far as to offer this dude the

Girlfriend Experience (at his expense, of course)

Because he's made it

ABUNDANTLY CLEAR

Through his actions or lack thereof

That's what he's after.

He doesn't want a fn gf.

He wants a hoe he can fuck and go out w sometimes.

No strings attached.

Ok. Well let me just give you my cashapp and that can be arranged.

The Fuck.

But all this inbtwn BULLSHIT.

Is wearing on me.

_

Fucking pick one.

But COME CORRECT with it

Whichever way we're going.

I'm OVER this fucking playing dumb, playing games

"But but but..." BULLSHIT

Then gets an attitude w ME

And says he's sick of being the bad guy.

Well, NEWFLASH

Then... RADICAL IDEA

Stop being the fucking bad guy

You ARE the bad guy.

That's why you feel like it.

That's why you're treated like it.

_

You goddamn cheated.

(Still are, pretty much. Possibly even more than I know)

You live a double fucking life

You throw $ at me to shut me up

(Or you were. You kinda stopped... sooo... idk wtf is up w that. Give it all to somebody else? Smh)

BE A GOOD GUY

Stop lying

Stop cheating

Stop being fucking shady

And stop lying means to EVERYONE; yourself, me, her, your family, your friends, your followers, everyone.

_

If you just wanna hoe, say that

Stop claiming to me - and me alone - that we're in a real relationship

When you, me, and everyone else on this earth knows we're not.

_

He claims to finally get it this time (really?!)

But refuses to talk about it

Or do anything about it today

(We've just been discussing it for weeks.

Years.

Ya know. Whatever. Nbd.)

Fine.

_

But... I'm so sick of this shit

And nothing pisses me off more than this

Cop out playing dumb shit

Mixed w him having the audacity to get an attitude w me

For constantly bringing up his constant fuckboy bullshit

You know when I'll stop bitching?

When you stop giving me shit to bitch about!

DUH.

That's how that works.

YOU ARE THE BAD GUY.

You don't stop being the bad guy

Until you actually stop being the bad guy.

_

I've given you 1000 chances

Feel free to actually be a decent boyfriend

Or just honest about your real intentions

(Either one)

Any fucking day now.

_

But until then

Yeah. I'm pissed.

Duh.

And you are the fucking bad guy. Duh.

_

Buying me flowers like I'm a fucking mistress doesn't absolve you of that.

Yeah I like the flowers.

I don't like the fact you're using them as a detraction to kick the can down the road of just dealing w our actual issues. Or just... being a real boyfriend.

Basic ass shit.

Bare minimum ass shit.

Dudes who beat their wives buy them shit too.

It doesn't make them any less bad

It's a fucking bandaid

And one that does NOT cover up

Nor heal a goddamn fucking thing.

_

I am ready to be healed.

No more goddamn fucking bandaids.

Fuck you.

FIX THIS or FUCK OFF.

_

He keeps saying he will

But he never does

_

And, for whatever reason, rather than just

Calling it what this actually is then

And setting up an agreement and compromise

We can both live with

We're both just

Going through the motions of this bullshit

Pretty fucking miserable

_

I can't make him be honest

I can't make him give me what I deserve

(Namely, respect.)

_

I'll give him a fucking day.

Then... we apparently have to talk about this all over again.

Cause I'm : this close: to breaking up w him. Again.

Which he fucking knows.

So... what the actual fuck.

I have before.

He thinks I won't again?

Over this exact same shit.

It's fucking ridiculous.

_

I told him I'm looking into couples therapy (and I am. Cause this obviously isn't working. We need a place for clear, ideally honest communication. And ACCOUNTABILITY FFS.)

But he didn't say shit about it.

He was too busy being a jackass.

_

And I get if he feels like he's doing xyz

And all I can do is bitch about 123

But

I'm like... unless 123 are fixed

Xyz doesn't really matter.

Smh.

That's the part we can't seem to get on the same page about.

_

Which in fairness is frustrating when Iitererally gave him the option.

Fine. Give me xyz. You can keep 123 then.

Just... can't do that and call it a relationship.

He doesn't address that option either.

Smh.

_

I've done all I know to do other than

Roll over (what he wants me to do)

Or walk away (which is what's coming next. If he can't get his shit together)

_

But if we can stop fighting long enough...

I think couples therapy could help.

_

Cause that's the fucked up part

I do think he cares about me

Maybe even love me, on some level

He definitely needs me. No doubt about that.

He just... is letting Amy and his ego

(And I guess in some ways immaturity)

Fuck it all up.

_

I see potential.

And believe there are real feelings there

That's why it's so hard to give up

(Probably for him too)

But I CAN'T go on like this.

I hate it.

I hate the "relationship". I hate him for putting me through this shit. I hate myself for allowing this shit to go on.

It's absolutely untenable for my emotions, my well being, my fucking psyche, everything.

It's shattering. And soul crushing.

And I keep staying... hoping he'll make it better

Cause he keeps saying he will

And every time he let's me down

I'm just... that much further

From myself, from healing from all this

And the cycles of resentment and anger

It just spins and spins

Sigh

_

It doesn't seem like either of us actually want to leave

We just have to actually get it right this time

But... after 3 years of everything that boy put me through

Flowers and hugs and manicures ain't gonna cure it.

Especially not when the snake is still in the fucking mix. Smh.

Like... ugh. It's not rocket science

Why this isn't working

Or wtf my problem is

WHO else in their right fucking minds would deal w this shit?

Fucking nobody.

Sigh.

_

Then people wonder why the fuck I stay

Including my therapist

Sigh

I guess... hope.

I guess because the good is good.

It's a good I can't find anywhere else.

The bad is just... so fucking detrimental.

It's hard.

_

I've lost no matter what

Is the thing.

Staying.

Trying again

If he'll actually (keep) trying

And actually fully come correct this time

Is the only chance to heal from all this

Is how I feel, I guess.

I walk away.

Then what?

I'm totally damaged still

And... just likely gonna just jump off a fucking cliff

Seriously.

_

This relationship has destroyed me.

He's at least attempting to... sigh

Idk. He's making an attempt.

[raineedays]

Spoilers (?)

(Sorry. Kinda ranty and all over the place im typing this as thought pop into my head.)

Ok... so like scrolling through the tag has been weird. I never really talk fandom because im not a fandom person, but im confused. There is a lot of negativity going on in weird ways. And im not gonna sit here and tell yall to get over it and just be happy because the show is blah blah blah. Cuz thats just a dick thing to say. Be angry about whatever idgaf. All i want to say is that Im genuinely confused here about /why/ people are upset.

So Svtfoe is about a 14-15 year old girl,going through teenage girl life with a magical twist. Its a seasonal bad guy show with a somewhat overlying plot/goal. The story follows star as she lives her life as a magical teenage princess. And im just puzzled as to why people think that the plot isnt progressing or character develop isnt progressing /because/ of the personal aspects of stars life. Star is dealing with crushes, puberty, responsiblilty and just growing up. Shes human...mewman...shes a person. And thats apart of her story.

Svtfoes plot is 50% magical politics and 50% romance. Thats just the frame work of the show. The bones of the story. Its been like that since s1. Thats /the/ story thats being told. Love and politics are both parts of the same plot. S1 -3 all have equal parts politics and romance, that grow at the same time, that peak and resolve at the same time because both things are very imortant to star theure both parts of stars life. Which is what were watching here. So im just not seeing why people are upset that the "love triangle" isnt over and done with by episode 4 in s4 when the politics havent even been solved by ep 4 s4. I mean it wouldnt make any sense for stars relationships to be solved before the end of the show when her relationships are a part of the over all plot. The endgame for this show is supposed to be the resolution of everything of the whole story. It would be weird if the show just resolved half of its plot within 4 episodes while the other half kept going. Its like atla, aang and katara got together literally in the last moment of the show, and the plot was resolved in the last episode of the show. Aang and katara didnt end up together halfway through book 3 while the "plot" kept going, because their romance was supposed to be endgame just like the final battle.

Like ok. So maybe people are upset that romance is such a heavy part of the story and to that i have to say "and?" . Like i get it. Romance in kids shows especially heteronormative romance in kids shows can be boring as hell when its shoe horned into the story. But svftoe from day 1, has been about romance and love and star and marco /and/ tom. Thats kinda the point. Svtfoe isnt supposed to be fully focused on political drama. Its a teen coming of age type story. If youre here for the "plot" than cool. But the plot involves stars love triangle. Thats why it " takes up" so much time.

And ok, i know people are mad that star isnt "growing" ...but she objectively is...slowely. Yall seem to be forgetting thats shes literally a 15 year old. Idk if yall have met 15 year olds, but their development isnt a straight line to maturity. Escpecially not in a years span of time. Stars relationships while frustrating are realistic. Having been a 15 year old and been involved with kids professionally for a while now I can say that her relationships are almost painfully realistic.

(Minus the magic and demons). 15 year olds are constantly breaking up, getting back together, working things out, and figuring out what they want. And its just as aggrivating irl as it is in svtfoe. Star is a kid, shes had 1 boyfriend and she has a crush on someone else. Thats how a lot of teen romances are. Because teens are stupid and inexperienced.

Shes a /kid/. Like idk if its just me. But if star just matured in a straight line like some sage of romance, it would be weird. Shes a 15 year old. It would be weird if over the course of one year she had the perfect love life. I mean realistically if she did end up with marco or tom by series end. They wouldnt star together forever. Realistically if the show continued till star was 20, she'd still be deciding who to date.

Idk how to end this... anyways. Not hating on any ships or anything. Im what the kids call a "multishipper". And im not hating on povs either. If yall are upset about whatever. Than fine i dont really care. Thats your deal, and its how you feel so im not gonna hate son you for it.

If you wanna talk about it I m all ears tbh.

[sirenseifried]

Here's a quick tip, and I don't care if you think I'm being rude... Rant: If you're gonna bring your kids to my house, keep your damn eyes on them and make them behave. I know kids can get wild or hyper, but that doesn't excuse not making them act like civilized human beings. How would you like it if I brought Kade to your house and let him run wild, pulling all the cushions off your couch, climbing and jumping all over your furniture, getting all up in your baby's face, spilling and stepping on food in your floors, grabbing all your shit off your tables, ect. ??? But guess what? I wouldn't let him do that. He will be respectful of other people's homes and have an eye kept on him BY HIS OWN PARENTS. That's another thing, I'm not your free babysitting service. I shouldn't have to watch your kid and make them behave. That's YOUR goddamn job. I don't care how difficult parenting is. I know being a mom is exhausting and hard. I know no kid is perfect. I know all that blah blah blah, whatever.. Idgaf. Doesn't give anyone excuses not to allow their children to disrespect people and act like savages. You're the adult. You're the grown up. Suck it up and parent. Not just sit there and stare at them, make excuses, or laugh while they act like wild animals in someone else's house. Tell them to sit the hell down. Tell them to leave that alone. Threaten to take them home. And if they still won't mind, take them the fuck home. Duh. Children are children. Everyone has bad days, everyone has emotions that need to be understood, it's important to accept your child for who they are. Blah Blah Blah. K. I know. But when your child is young, you are raising them and building them in to WHO THEY ARE GOING TO BE. Children need boundaries and taught right from wrong!!! They are the child, you are the adult!!!! That means you are responsible for teaching them how to act right!!! Say I don't know what I'm talking about to your fucking self. My son will NEVER go in to someone else's home and act like a disrespectful nightmare, pulling cushions off chairs and couches, climbing on the furniture, fucking with shit he shouldn't. It's all fine and dandy if you let your kids act that way in your home. But don't bring them over here to mine with that bullshit. They are just active and excited? Full of energy? They mean no harm? Then take their hyper ass out-fucking-side, goddamn it! I have a massive yard for them to play in. My living room is not a fucking playground for your kid. They are not feeling well? They've been in a bad mood and acting like that all day? Then don't fucking bring them over here if you can't control them for the day. That simple. Get your shit together. Teach your kids respect. They play quietly and behave, leave my shit alone, be respectful to my child and me, and our belongings, or you don't bring them here. End of fucking story, end of fucking rant.