#brain is just braining and its braining badly and its BRAINS fault not FRIENDS fault

[princesssmars]

soooo yeah, going on a picnic with your crush farmer / cowgirl abby and leaving her so hickeyed shes worried people will think she got jumped.

contains : medium nsfw. heavy making out maybe some grinding.

wc: 1.651

a/n : yet again took way longer than necessary. what's new.

"cmon sugar, you're comin at me like you want to devour me."

"mm, well now that you mention it..."

if there was one thing you loved about living out on a farm, it was that no one was around to hear the way you could make abigail anderson scream for you.

really, you should be patting yourself on the back for managing to get her beneath you, as brutish as it sounds. you'd had your eye on the pretty and not-so-little farmhand for months, 'secretly' eyeing her from under your sun hat as you sat in the old rocking chair, resting on your back porch while she tended to the yard and garden while temporarily under your father's employ.

you couldn't even keep track of the number of times you'd tried to catch her eye, slowly crossing your legs that were on display from your sundress, or 'accidentally' spilling a bit of some fresh lemonade down your chest while you took a long and mouthy sip.

and you could just tell that she was close to giving in, could see the way her eyes periodically drifted from her work over to your body before physically shaking the thoughts from her head and returning to her duties. you felt a bit bad for the girl, though, only able to imagine how hard it must be to have to focus on tiring manual labor while a sweet thing teased you from such a small distance, so close but so far away.

but god above, you really just couldn't help it. your girlfriends agreed that she was gorgeous, a literal goliath that had to have been put on this earth just for you because she was exactly your type. unfortunately, your friends had a bit more sense than you, gently but sternly reminding you that messing with one of your father's workers could have bad consequences for both of you, and that jeopardizing her work for what would likely be a summer fling would be irresponsible.

and for a while, you listened, taking their words to heart and doing your best to be on your best behavior around the girl, only sparing polite nods and small smiles when you came out to offer all of the farmhands some water and snacks. but you swore you noticed a change in her behavior, eyes holding your gaze and body shifting towards your whenever you were near her, almost like she yearned for the attention you used to give her.

and if she wanted you as badly as you wanted her, who were you to deny her of it?

the plan was simple: put on a cute little sundress, something flirtatious enough to catch her attention but practical enough for the day ahead, pack your favorite picnic basket with fruits, drinks, and some hearty sandwiches, and coyly come up to abby and invite her to spend her long afternoon lunch with you on a friendly little picnic just a ways into the woods.

but its not your fault that she looked like a buff and slightly sweaty angel had come down to earth and decided to be just enticing enough to make your heart pounding you chest, gallantly helping you over fallen tree stumps and creeks and offering to help you carry the picnic basket to give your arms a break.

your body damn near feels on the edge of bursting as you set down the blanket and prepare the picnic, feeling her eyes trail over your bent form before pretending to study the trees and sky when you turn your head to catch her.

“ta-da!” you cheer, extending your hands to playfully show off the rather simple picnic to her before you sit yourself down on a small pillow you had packed.

“cant even sit your self on the ground for me, hon?” she rests on the blanket, just a few inches to the other side but far enough away for your body to yearn pathetically.

come on, get a hold of yourself, your brain shouts.

you make abbys plate for her ad she points out which of your treats seem the most appealing, her face almost bashful when she stops and sees how crowded her plate is. but you just shake off her worries with a giggle, reminding her that eating well was how she got her beautiful frame.

“yeah, i guess youre right. pretty useful to look like this when you live on a farm.”

“mhm. must be useful for whoever you decide to bring home, too.”

she chokes a little on her food, bringing up a fist to her mouth as her face flushes.

“im sorry, did i make you uncomfortable?” the last thing you needed was scaring her off so she'd close off and stop talking to you, but it was so difficult to keep yourself from flirting with her when she spread over your picnic blanket like she was one of the dessert options.

“no-no, you didn't, its just…” her voice becomes tiny, trailing off as she gnaws at her bottom lip with her teeth. her eyes dart to you when she sees you scoot closer, falling from your face to rest a few seconds on your exposed thighs. you don't bring it up.

“i havent…done anything like that. in a while.”

“well, how long is a while?”

for just a few seconds the air between you is silent, the only sounds in the small clearing being the distant chirping of birds and humming of cicadas. but even through the roaring of a jet turbine would your ears be able to hear the sklhaky inhale she releases through her nostrils.

“since i started working here. since i…since i met you, i guess.”

as soon as the last words leave her lips you're on her, swinging your leg over until youre sat comfortably in her lap. you rest your hands on either side of her neck, abby hesitating before placing hers on your hips.

she mutters some nervous worries that you barely pay attention to, instead focusing on how this close you can count all the freckles that dust over her face and down her collarbones, a little voice jn your head aching to see how far down they go. you notice how her lashes are lighter than you thought, a dark brown that brings out the paleness of the blue of her eyes.

“d' you want me to stop?” you whisper, your breath gently ghosting over her cheeks. she can smell the remnants of the sweet lemonade on your tongue, and she aches so badly to get a taste of it, a taste of you.

she knows this is foolish, that getting into it with her boss’ daughter could lead to more trouble than not, but when you look at her the way you do, talk so sweetly to her away from everyone else and wear those poor excuses of fabric that you call skirts on days she's working around the house, she cant help but think you're worth falling for.

she shakes her head and before she can even come to terms with what she's started your mouth is on hers, harsh and sweet and needy as you take what you've wanted from her for weeks.

you kiss her like if you stop she'll dissappear, maybe because you're afraid that she will, that she'll look at your past flings with farmhands long gone and save herself the heartbreak. but instead of pushing you off she's pulling you in closer, grasping at your hips and things until you push her shoulders until she lays down onto the blanket, gently but quickly pushing your spread out of the way.

you don't give yourself a second to waste when you pull back to breathe, quickly going from admiring her kiss bruised lips open and panting before moving your way down to her cheeks, under her chin, then to her neck.

the sounds that break from her throat quickly grow to be your favorite sounds you've ever heard, broken gasps and throaty moans that you can feel reverberate through your lips. you struggle to keep your desire to make her fall apart contained, knowing you wont have the time to fully indulge before someone becomes suspicious of your shared absence. all you can do is take advantage of this moment, to mark her in the only way you can.

“god, darling, calm down a little, yeah?” she groans, a mix of pleasure and pain as you bite another bruise into her skin. she can only imagine the mess of her you've made that she'll have yo find a way to cover up. she's never been one for makeup, and a scarf is out of the question.

“i promise i wont make them too bad, okay?”

“yeah, yeah alright. just a…a few more minutes.”

once you've finally settled down and decided it's time you start making your way back, you only get a few seconds to share a sweet glance with her before you look down and see her neck.

uh oh.

“what? what is it?” abby questions, nervous from the way your face suddenly paled. “do you want me to-”

“no, no, it's fine. but, uh, you might wanna come with me into town. we're gonna need to but you some makeup.”

and maybe your friends teased you the second they saw the portrait of hickeys you had left on abby, and your father had only shared clipped sentences with you for about a week, but when abby snuck her way into your bedroom the next night and told you it was only fair if she returned the favor, you didn't have a single regret in your mind.

[andromeda-collective]

made a pressure badge quiz where you try and remember every single badge name if anyone wants to see how many they can get within ten minutes :3c

[just-spacetrash]

.

[rcvcgers]

Hello, I wanted to tell you that I love your writing. Rotten Apples has been my favorite. I was wondering if you could write something with a super caring Caleb?

I had a rough night with lots of tears and self doubt, lots of feelings of self hate and a lot of ugly feeling I’ve targeted myself with and I wish I had Caleb to soothe me. My heart aches and I need a hug from him.

i'm so sorry you had a rough night darling :( i hope you were able to feel better! i wrote this for you as soon as i saw your request. i hope it helps you feel better <3

Here For You

pairing: caleb x reader

synopsis: you've isolated yourself from the world and your boyfriend comes to comfort you.

word count: 3.08k words

content warnings: self deprecation, self doubt, bad/negative thoughts

author's note: i hope this request can help whoever reads this feel better <3 just know that you are so, so, so loved and deserve all of the good things in the world!

For the past few days, you’ve unintentionally isolated yourself from from the world. The first day the negative thoughts entered your brain, you acted as if everything was okay, that you were on top of the world. But seeing everybody else’s smiles and hearing their joyous laughter began to weigh down on you.

You wanted to be supportive of your friends and celebrate their achievements, but it was so hard to put a fake smile on your face and pretend to be excited. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t help but feel so…dull. To feel so dead inside that at moments you doubted that your existence was real. You want to be so happy, to bask in the joy of positive emotions and affirmations, and yet whenever you try, your stupid mind had to drag you back into the darkness.

You used the excuse of being sick to get out of dinner parties and hanging out. You even used a few of your sick days to get off from work, leaving your team scrambling to fill the void of you being gone.

Had life always been so hard? Why couldn’t it give you a break? Even just for one day, you wish to have some kind of release from the depression that has sunk into your body.

It’s not your fault that life is so unforgiving. Things happen, many of which are out of your control, but why did it have to affect you so badly? Did it really need to cause such chaos that uplifts you from acting like a normal person? Fuck, you haven’t even managed to shed a single tear since the negative thoughts hit your mind.

You stare at your bedroom’s blank ceiling. The sun had disappeared from the sky, its once vibrant oranges and pinks decorated your walls and ceiling, but now you were left with a deep gray color with only moonlight illuminating your room.

This had been your routine for the past week. You’d rot in bed, staring out the window as life passed you by. You watched birds flying, their freedom making you even more depressed, and watched as the sun and moon played a game of cat and mouse with each other, chasing after the other as the sky changes colors. Was it a routine you have grown bored of? Yes. Of course. But you couldn’t bring yourself to change out of it.

You wished your boyfriend was here. Caleb always knew what to do and say to help you feel better. You can’t even put some of the blame on him for not being here. His job yanked him away for a last minute patrol in the Deepspace Tunnel.

According to Caleb, it was the Fleet’s first time exploring this part of the Tunnel. You were so proud of him! The Fleet finally recognized his amazing talent and put him as the new supervising Colonel of Deepspace Exploration. He deserved it! He’s worked so hard for an opportunity like this to show up. 

Yes, you knew that it would take him away for weeks at a time. If not from the actual exploring itself, Caleb will be buried in paperwork, meetings, and flight schedules.

You should have taken him up on his offer to stay in his apartment in Skyhaven. Maybe then you would have been able to see him during your dark days and he can be the hand that pulls you into safety from the storm. Instead, you opted to stay behind in Linkon, claiming that your friends and work will keep you busy!

If only you knew that the day after he left things would go oh so wrong.

Linkon wasn’t so bad, though. The sunlight was good for your mood instead of the gloomy days that Skyhaven has. The sunlight helped motivate you to get out of bed to brush your teeth and shower, but that was about it.

A sigh leaves your lips. You roll onto your side, your gaze falling back outside the window. Planes fly by in the night sky, leaving off-white trails of exhaust behind them. A wave of sadness hits your stomach while you watch the planes.

A part of you wishes that Caleb is on one of those planes…that he’s coming home to see you.

No. Why would he? He has his new promotion with the Fleet. He can’t waste any time on trivial things…including you.

You flinch from the thought. Squeezing your eyes shut, you curl up into a ball, your knees pulling up to your chest. Why did these thoughts have to torment you? You know that Caleb would give up everything to come see you, so why do you always have to be so anxious that he’s going to leave you?

You know it’s the imposter syndrome talking, but you know that you’re counting the seconds until Caleb realizes that you aren’t worthy of his time, adoration, and love. You’re a semblance of a girlfriend, someone who snuck into such a prestigious position in his life. He deserves so much better than you. Hell, he deserves someone who is just as high of a rank he is! Another Colonel, maybe, or perhaps someone who he works with so he can see her everyday.

“Pipsqueak?” You freeze. The sweet nickname he has for you sends chills down your spine. The bedroom door creaks and the sound of faint footsteps draws near. You are quick to pull the bed’s sheets over your body and head, covering the sight of moonlight and the dark night sky.

The mattress dips and you feel a large hand rest on your side. It travels up and down, cascading the side of your covered body. You shudder from the touch, knowing that you’re unworthy of such affection.

“Baby? Are you okay?” Caleb asks. He reaches for the top of the sheets, drawing them away from your face. You feel the chilled air of the bedroom hit your face. You flinch and grab the sheets back from him, covering your face once again. “Hey…what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“I’m fine…I’m just really tired,” while it isn’t necessarily a lie, you know it’s simply an excuse that he’ll see right through as he usually does. You listen to his slow exhale,, heart pounding inside your chest.

This is it. This is the moment where he finally realizes how much of a loser your are. You can’t even bring yourself to fully greet him when he comes home from work, what kind of partner are you?

“I’m,” you fake a cough, “I’m sick.”

“You’re sick?” Caleb repeats. Your heart twists inside your chest. Your eyes sting from the turmoil that bubbles inside your stomach.

“Y-Yeah…you should go back to Skyhaven so you don’t catch anything.”

You hated how easy it is to lie to him. To push him away from you.

Caleb doesn’t respond. Goosebumps spread across your body, suddenly feeling cold as you sick and twisted imagination slowly turns into a reality.

Did he finally realize that you’re nothing more than a nuisance to him?

“Hey…look at me,” Caleb coos. Your grip weakens on the sheets. The fabric slips through your fingers, eyes watching as the moonlight returns to your gaze, your handsome boyfriend sitting beside you with a look of worry, brows knitted together, bottom lip slightly pouted out.

Your heart breaks. It shatters into a million little pieces. It’s because if you that he looks this way, that he’s probably worried over nothing. Tears brim your eyes. Caleb sighs and his shoulders relax, watching as you slowly sit up in bed.

You sniffle and wipe your nose with the back of your hand. Your bottom lip trembles. The man reaches out and cups your face.

His touch is so gentle against your skin. Warmth seeps into your skin but it only makes you feel worse. Your body begins to shake. Caleb’s violet eyes scan your body, gently wrapping his free arm around your back. He pulls you into his lap with such ease, guiding your legs to rest on his sides, placing your full weight onto him.

Your melt into his touch, arms wrapping around sides, fingers curling into his shirt, tugging on the material. You bury your face into his neck, the tears finally leaving your eyes.

“It’s okay…I’m here now, let it all out.”

And you do. Sobs escape your body. Your body shakes and you push into him, the man gently running his hand up and down your back, soothing you. He holds the back of your head, securing you to his body. Your tears stain his t-shirt, soaking it with your salty tears.

You shake your head, unable to control how tight you hold onto him. His scent is so comforting to you, your nose burying into the warm skin of his neck to get more of it. It calms your nerves alongside his light and comforting touch.

“I’m so sorry,” you choke the words out, “I don’t know why I’m like this.”

“Never apologize for how you feel, my love,” Caleb gives you a gentle and reassuring squeeze. You sigh and peel your face from his neck, finally getting a good look of him.

He wears the biggest frown on his face as he pushes stray hairs out of your face. Your cheeks are stained form your tears, eyes red and swollen form the onslaught of sibs that overtook your body. Caleb runs his fingers up and down your sides.

“Breathe with me, okay?” Caleb asks. You nod in sync with him. He places his hand over your chest, feeling your heart pounding from inside your ribcage.

The two of you inhale for a couple seconds then hold the breath, your lungs full of oxygen, then slowly exhale. Under Caleb’s touch, he can feel your heart come to a slow and steady beat. A small smile spreads across his face, his purple eyes meeting yours.

“I’m so proud of you,” Caleb whispers. He leans in and presses a light kiss to your forehead. You sigh and rest your hands on his chest, flattening out some of the wrinkles in the fabric. You stare at the wet spot on his clothes and frown, feeling absolutely horrible that you ruined his clothes. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Your gaze floats back to his, his hands firmly holding onto your waist. You sigh and look away, unable to weave words together to form a rational sentence that doesn’t make you look, well, crazy.

How can you explain to your boyfriend that your mind has caused so much chaos and turmoil? That it has you believing that you aren’t good enough for anyone in the world, especially him. That he deserves so much better than what you have to offer him.

“Hey,” Caleb’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts. He cups your cheek and swipes away a single tear that rolls down your cheek. “Stop thinking. Clear your mind.”

You nod and slowly inhale, needing to calm down your fast beating heart. Your mind doesn’t clear, though, and only becomes more and more loud as the thoughts of self doubt and negativity scream at you.

“What are five things you see?” Caleb asks.

“What?” You’re taken aback by his question. He squeezes your hips.

“Tell me five things you see. Be descriptive.”

“Um…okay,” you breathe out. Your eyes leave his as you scan the room. You turn in his grip, looking out the window behind you. “I see the moon. It’s big and yellow tonight. Looks like cheese.”

“That’s one.” You feel Caleb press a gentle kiss to your shoulder. You turn back around, heart fluttering.

“I see my desk. It’s…really messy. I should clean it up.”

“That’s two…and I’ll clean it for you tomorrow. What else?”

“Through the bedroom door, I can see the kitchen light is still on. I see…I see bags on the counter, too.” You look at Caleb, his thumbs slowly rubbing small circles into your skin under your shirt. “I see the most beautiful purple eyes, too.”

“Oh?” Caleb raises his eyebrows, smiling at you. You nod. He kisses your cheek and you melt into him yet again. “Ready to tell me what’s wrong now?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong, Caleb,” you breathe out, slowly growing frustrated. You press your forehead against his and squeeze his shoulders. “My mind just…hates me. I don’t know what happened, but an overwhelming sense of dread came over me and…and I began to hate myself,” your voice cracks. 

Tears return to your eyes and Caleb is quick to wipe them away. You manage to keep your breathing in check, making sure to not lose the sense of calm that soothes your aching body. Your glaze flickers back to Caleb’s and you sigh, gnawing at the inside of your cheek.

“I don’t know why I’m like this,” your voice is just above a whisper. “You don’t deserve to go through this…you deserve someone who’s normal and good enough.”

“No,” Caleb immediately shakes his head. His own eyes become glossy from your admission. “Don’t you ever say those words ever again, do you understand?”

Your brows furrow, meeting in the center. Your hands slip from his body but he takes them back, placing them back onto his chest. He moves his head to meet your fleeting gaze, capturing your attention. He places his finger under your chin, turning your face back forward.

“I love you…I love you so much more than you can ever imagine. If anyone here isn’t deserving, it’s me. I don’t deserve to be in a relationship with you because you, my love, are lightyears better than I will ever be.”

“Caleb…” you breathe his name out. You hang onto every word he says, heart swelling.

“You are the most beautiful woman to ever exist. I love your smile, your laugh, and the way you always make me happy. I also love you when you aren’t feeling good. I love you and your frown and the way you manage to look so beautiful while crying…you’re the one for me. Nobody else,” he pulls your hand over his heart. You can feel just how hard and fast it pumps inside his chest.

“You don’t mean that…”

“Of course I do. From the first moment I met you, I knew that you were the one for me. On that day, I swore to myself that I would do everything in my power to protect you, to keep you safe…it pains me to know that I couldn’t protect you from yourself. I’m so sorry,” his voice cracks.

His grip on you tightens. His touch and words are so reassuring that you manage to push away the dark thoughts that linger in your mind.

Caleb loves you. He loves you so much. It is evident in the way he holds you, the way he kisses your tears away. You can feel it in the warmth that radiates from his body. Caleb makes you feel so worthy of his love, his adoration.

“Everyone has bad days,” he tilts his head to the side, his gaze deepening, “and that’s okay. It’s normal to have a bad week. It’s normal to want to crawl away and disappear. It’s okay to cry and to ask for help when it feels like you’re drowning,” Caleb coos. “Please…please tell me when you need help. I will always be here to pick you up off your feet. I will always be here to carry the weight that forms on your shoulders. I will do anything for you if it means that I get to see you smile again…that I get to live under the sunlight of your beautiful soul. I love you.”

“I love you too, Caleb,” tears roll down your cheeks. They’re bittersweet, formed from both sadness and joy.

The darkness that settled in the back of your mind vanishes. You can feel the weight leave your chest, opening up your lungs for more air to get in, to nourish your body. Caleb pulls you close to him, burying his face into your neck. His lips scrape across your skin, leaving a trail of sweet and gentle kisses in his wake.

His fingers slip under your shirt. The sensation of his skin against yours leaves you feeling so fulfilled. You love the way he treats you, how he always makes for sure that you know just how loved you are. He takes care of you. It’s so much more than you could have ever asked for.

What did you do to deserve a man like Caleb?

“Have you eaten yet today?” Caleb asks. You shake your head no, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer into your embrace. “Come on, I stopped at the store on the way here. Let me make you some dinner.”

Caleb picks you up with ease. You gasp and cling to him, a quiet laugh escaping your lips. His head shoots out from your neck, eyes wide as a big smile flashes across his face.

“You laughed!” He swoons, leaning back in to attack your face in more kisses, leaving no part of your face untouched. You close your eyes and shriek, more and more giggles fleeing from your lips while he carries you to the kitchen. “My pip-squeak is laughing! She’s happy again! My babygirl has come back to me!”

“Stop being do dramatic, Caleb!” Your laughter melts away the sadness in your heart and mind. You feel light again, ready to take on the world with Caleb at your side.

“Okay! Okay!” He laughs and pulls his face out from your neck. Caleb beams at you, setting you down on the cold countertop. You gasp and he’s quick to pull you up, resting his hands underneath your legs to protect you from the icy counter.

“What?” You ask, waving your hand in front of his face. He shifts his weight between his feet and leans in, pressing a kiss to your lips. You lean into him and kiss him back, butterflies erupting your chest. He slightly pulls away, lips grazing over yours, foreheads pressed together.

“I love you, pip-squeak, but I am going to need my hands for cooking,” he chuckles.

“I love you too...can I be your sous chef?”

“Are you kidding? Of course you can be my sous chef! Who else would I want by my side?”

masterlist of works

[sp0o0kylights]

Steves always felt stuck. 

Slightly out of place, like a character that was supposed to be killed off, but was kept alive instead. 

Adrift with no friends and a family thats absent, Steve wastes most his life working a retro video store in a dying mall. 

Nothing feels real. Has felt real, ever since a party he threw in high school got wildly out of hand. 

Until some guy named Eddie shows up.

Eddie, who slaps down a copy of some former major TV show everyone used to binge.

Eddie, with his wild hair and wilder eyes and an outfit that looks like he himself came out of the stupid 80s show.

Eddie, who worms his way into Steves heart, the only bright spark of his day, and who no one else seems to be able to see.

It's easy to ignore at first. Easy for Steve to dismiss the weird looks and quiet questions--especially when Eddie flirts like he does. 

Kisses up Steves neck in the work closet, whispering assurances that they can be quick. 

Its a little harder when his concussions are brought up. His brain damage diagnosis thrown at him.

That it's his fault that girl drowned. It's his fault he sacrificed her to save himself, even if the lack of oxygen is the entire reason he's different now…

Steve is certain Eddies not a hallucination, or some kind of--imaginary friend.

So sure hes furious with it when confronted--until that night. 

When Eddie sits Steve down and informs him no one else can see him because he is from the stupid tv show.

And so is Steve.

In fact it's not a tv show, its reality and Steve is caught in Vecna's evil mindtrap--except his very real brain damage caused things to go a little differently.

Steves trapped apparently, and El has sent Eddie to go get him--and Steve wants so badly to believe it.

That he's not this lonely. 

That this--dull, friendless, family-less life he's barely living, is the fake one. 

Except….

“So how do I wake up then?”

“That's the hard part, Stevie.” Eddie tells him, thumb running soothing little circles on overheated skin. El thinks you need to drown--just like Barb did.” 

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Finals

Propaganda Under Cut

Sakura Haruno

Her husband is gay and her author doesn't know how to write women. So many people say she's the worst but she. DESERVES. BETTER!!! Save her from this franchise.

My baby girl my bestie my best friend. She committed the crime of um being written by kishimoto who both doesn’t know how to write women and somehow writes men in the gayest way possible specifically naruto and sasuke. Like the thing is naruto and sasuke ARE gay and also she gets so much hate for the crime of kishimoto writing her one dimensionally in love with sasuke. I know her personally she is a butch lesbian to me just trust me she’s in love with Ino and has a lesbian thing going on with Karin okay just trust me. My everything. She needs to divorce the loveless lavender marriage she’s in 

What is there to say, even? The OG Threat to my 90s anime brain, the only woman I've ever hated with such a passion she made me turn away from the color pink. I used to write fics with my friend where she got left behind on purpose so our OCs could join the Naruto and Sasuke team instead. I loathed this bitch until I was 16 and realized the author simply couldnt write women and decided it was time to make peace with Sakura. It is not her fault she's vaguely written and obsessive over Sasuke. She deserves better. Sasuke and Naruto still should be together and Sakura shouldnt be with Sasuke but I no longer believe this because I hate Sakura, it is because I love her. She deserves a spouse who will actually put in the time to treat her like the hero she is.

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime

[littlestarbigsky]

i said i'd be back with headcanons so here they are.. these bitches have occupied every ounce of my brain power for the past two weeks lol

chronically ill bev🩵

- she's got a handful of things going on, someone sent in anemia and i rlly like that, im also thinking she has some kind of serious gastro-intestinal issue. i also think she has some form of alopecia, but she never tells anyone about that - with her stomach issues, she had to have a feeding tube placed at one point because her body literally couldn't tolerate food. she absolutely didn't want it and she fought it the whole time, but it wasn't a question of whether or not she wanted one, she would go into organ failure if they didn't get something in her - i also have this really sick and twisted hc that after she had her feeding tube placed, it still wasn't enough and they had to remove one of her kidneys to keep the other one from failing - with her anemia, she's always tired, always cold, and always has a headache, tylenol and ibuprofen are her best friends. she doesn't really have the issue of passing out when she stands up, but that's mostly because she's really good at managing it by now

marcia with tremors💚

- it started when she was little, i think she had some kind of speech impediment/stutter when she was in preschool/kindergarten, but grew out of it. however, when they started focusing on fine motor skills, she fell behind because she couldn't stop her hands from shaking. - she's not an angry or aggressive person, but her tremor is one of the only things that truly fills her with anger. when she was 8, she smashed a ceramic teapot on the floor because she kept spilling the tea at her stuffed animal tea party - she really has to put so much time into her school work because she's a perfectionist but her handwriting is messy because of how badly her hands shake, she spends hours on hours trying to keep her notes legible - her parents really don't get it... they try, by replacing all of their glassware with a nice plastic that won't break if marcia drops it, but they still get mad at her when she spills. they won't sit with her if it takes her longer to finish her food - speaking of marcia's parents, they stop going to doctor's appointments the minute she turns 18 because she can go by herself, and i always hc her parents to be pretty absent. marcia is just as much of a latchkey kid as two-bit, her house is just nicer

cherry with insomnia🩷

- cherry baby has not known a moment of peace once in her life !! from all the pressure her parents put on her to the way she's expected to be perfect at school (by her teachers, by her friends), she's so exhausted by all of it but still feels like she has no idea who she is.. and it keeps her up at night - i also hc that cherry was sick a lot as a baby (not like scary-hospital type sick, more like she had a bunch of ear infections/strep throat/little infections) but she never really learned proper sleep patterns when she was supposed to. - normally, she falls in this really frustrating middle ground where its hard for her to stay up all night becuase the tired only hits her at like 4-5am, but if she's in a bad season, she'll go 2-3 days without sleeping, functioning perfectly fine, maybe just a bit more emotional. - every now and then it's useful, like studying for finals, or when she and her friends miscalculate how long a drive home will take and she's still wide awake at midnight, but she's mostly - she learned to avoid sleepovers at a young age because she got tired of being the only one still awake at 3 in the morning. - and in true cherry fashion: she thinks it's her fault. she thinks that she should be able to just shut her brain off and not think the way she does, she makes herself so mad all the time over it.

trip with anxiety and an irregular heartbeat💙

- the funny(ish) thing about trip's irregular heartbeat is that it probably never would have been an issue if he wasn't such an anxious person... but bro is always worryin about somethin, so his heart is always havin problems - i imagine him with POTS, which wasn't recognized as a condition until the 1990's, but before then, it was categorized as an irregular heartbeat or anxiety - bro just rlly needs to drink more water or SOMETHIN bc he's definitely doing his best but if marcia or brill aren't actively refilling his water bottle and giving him gatorade, he's seeing stars every time he stands up - melvin and his parents are aware that it's an issue but he also never really talks about it so it doesn't become something he talks to a doctor about for a good while. by the time they actually see a doctor they're pretty sure it's gotten a lot worse - there has definitely been a night or two that he's been sent to the hospital after going too hard at football practice and they have to put him on a hydration drip to get him under control

brill with an eating disorder💚

- oh brill my baby.. tbh he just never properly understood the necessity of properly fueling his body, and he was constantly ridiculed by his parents for eating too much, not eating enough, so eventually he just stopped trying - 100% the type to think an espresso shot in the morning counts as breakfast (thank god they didn't have redbull bc this boy would singlehandedly keep that entire company running) - another rlly important bit with brill is that he is so wrapped up in taking care of bev that he forgets that he needs food and water. he would be spoon feeding her applesauce because he hasn't seen her eat in three days but he hasn't eaten in that time either - he is constantly being strong for everyone around him and doesn't realize that he's crashing until it's really bad. he'll lose weight over the winter and spring and not notice until they're going swimming that summer and suddenly, "oh shit, where did half my body weight go?" - basically, he doesn't mean to, but it's still a problem

[ilovebuckers5]

✧.*Not Friends pt 5*.✧

Paige Bueckers x reader

summary- it was a huge relief to finally realize that you didn't hate Paige Bueckers

word count- 2.9k

themes:

-fluff

-slight angst if you an even call it that

-homophobia

A/N - I'm so so so sorry for the delay. I lost so much motivation for this series but this back now. I hope you guys like this part!!! I did not spell check btw...

there was only a hazy memory of looking at who I thought was Paige in the eye and feeling tears well up on my waterline. why did everything have to fall apart in this order. the entire time that I stared at Paige, my brain kept telling me that I was hallucinating and that I was really Abby but no. as soon as the blonde spoke I couldn't help but break down. the thought of almost fucking the one girl that I don't believe I'm good enough for had to be the most sickening thing to ever imagine. of course Paige just had to be a good person and wipe my tears from my eyes before they even fell. the mood switched quickly. I went from confusion to comfort. Paige's hand were set on each side of my waist but not In a way that made me feel like I was being topped. it felt like she was holding me. gently. I loved that. once I comprehended the fact that it was Paige who was holding me, even more tears fell. I felt her hands moved to my back as she helped me stand up from the edge of the bed. I walked straight to the mirror to make sure that all of this was real even though in the back of my head I knew it was.

every moment that had to do with Paige before this, I would see it as a bad thing to be so close to her. yet the feeling and sight of her holding my waist in the mirror felt so right. the feelings of her arms resting around my almost bare skin reminded me just how badly I wanted to be with her. even though a couple days ago a part of me felt like we had to be friends, I knew that I couldn't hide it for long. then the feeling of guilt rushed over my head. how could I have been so mean to her just because she showed me love?what if it had been ruining her since? I couldn't bare to know that if Paige was hurt, it was my fault. the tears that were once embarrassment now turned into guilt. "I'm..so so sorry Paige." my head dipped into the palms of my hands as I tried to cover my obvious tears. the blonde immediately played her hand against my back and rubbed her thumb back and forth for comfort. I spun around, shaking her hand off of my skin. no. there is no way shes comforting me after I hurt her. a small and sharp breath left her lips once her hand left my back. I paced around the room trying to find sense of what I was thinking. "hey hey its ok..." Paige didn't hesitate to pull me into her arms even if I was pulling away. I wanted nothing but to stay in her arms. no words exchanged just small breaths as I sobbed into her sweatshirt.

"Paige it is not ok. I- I fucking hurt you when all you did was love me. you don't deserve that." my voice was slightly muffled against the cotton that covered her chest.the last thing I wanted was to hurt her. all Paige did was hold me into her. arms wrapped around my waist, fingers resting against my tailbone. my sobs began to slow, silencing the moment between us. I felt Paige slowly swaying the both of us side to side. before I could speak again, she gently pulled my face away from her chest with a hand now placed against my jawline. she still stayed silent, just staring into my eyes. and of course I couldn't look away. "I don't care if you hurt me. I just-i just need you know that I love you." I did. still do actually. her voice soothed me so effortlessly. it slowed down the pacing doubts that went through my brain.

only now did all my other senses came back. before it was just thinking about how I treated Paige and the tears that followed those thoughts. now my eyes were open and I could see Paiges sharp features that seemed soft through my glossy eyes. her eyes still had a hint of gray in dark lighting. her lips were still pink as ever. her hair wasn't in her usual ponytail. it was falling down her shoulders perfectly. her natural waves peeking through. she was wearing a dark blue sweatshirt with plaid pajama bottoms. now I noticed that my hands had made their own way to Paige's hips. her body seemed less tense as mine. the sweatshirt was thin enough for me to feel the outline of her toned abs. this were the exact things I thought about when I didn't want to stay friends with Paige. "are you ok?" Paige's voice woke me up from my trance. I looked back up at her eyes and nodded softly. "mhm." all the previous doubts of her love for me and my love for her had disappeared into the abyss by now. the only thing I doubted is whether we were going to sleep in my room or hers.

------------------------------------------------------------

the next morning I woke up feeling Paige's hot breath against my ear. my head was peacefully resting on her chest. we ended up in her room. her hand was glued to the small of my back just like I had predicted it would be if this situation ever happened. when my eyes blinked open, the first thing they saw was Paige's hair tangled around her own head. my reflex was to just run my fingers through her blonde locks. and that I did. this almost immediately woke her up but there was still a smile on her lips when she realized that I was trying to comb her hair with my bare hands. I pulled my hands away and pushed myself up closer to her face and hesitated to place a kiss on her lips. so instead I kissed her cheek. Paige quickly pulling my lips into hers gave me the idea that didn't enjoy just a kiss on the cheek. the kiss was short but I still enjoyed every second of it. just as I was getting more into the kiss, Paige grabbed onto my hips and flipped me over on my back. I let out a loud squeal and attempted to flip back over but Paige kept me down as she kissed around my lips, moving down to my neck. a couple giggles slipped out the lower her lips got before I finally pushed her off and took my turn. after going back and forth a couple times, there was a knock on the door. Paige's hands were slowly slipping under my shirt when Azzi knocked on the door. it made sense since it was 9 in the morning and Paige still wasn't out ready for practice but it still startled the both of us.

Paige groaned before standing up and dragging her self to the door. she opened it to see Azzi's face giving her a 'get the fuck out here right now' look. she had her hand on her hip and everything. "why are you still in bed-" Azzi looked behind Paige's shoulder and locked eyes with me. my face froze and I slowly hid myself with the bed covers. "I don't even want to know." Azzi slowly backed away from the door frame and yelled out as she walked down the hallway " be ready in 30 minutes!" Paige turned around and shut the door before jumping right back into bed to give a couple more kisses on my lips. she then stood up and walked to her bathroom before brushing her hair and teeth. Paige was one who refused to take care of her skin unless someone reminds her. "wash your face Paige." I stayed in bed, scrolling on my bed while she rushed to get ready. "could you come hold my hair please." usually someone else would help Paige with her hair but waking up late changed that this morning. so I stood up and held her hair until both braids were finished. I spun her around and covered her eyes while spraying hairspray on her top of her head. before she had the chance to get up and get changed, I couldn't help but placing another kiss on her lips.

it was nerve racking how quickly we changed around each other. just two days ago I pushed her out of my room while she let me know her love was basically endless and now here I was initiating a kiss with her after helping with her hair. I was here imagining all the night and mornings after this. holding onto her waist after a game. making her breakfast when shes running late. braiding her hair for fun and for serious times. I could see it all right in front of my eyes just by looking into her eyes. I cannot believe I didn't feel all of this before. I cannot BELIEVE these thoughts weren't running through my head when I very obviously heard Paige tell me that she loved me.

Paige walked out of the bathroom in her t shirt and shorts and I held a pair of her shoes in my hands. I waved them in her face as she looked around for them. "right here baby." Paige's head practically snapped towards me. I could seriously here a bone crack. "what?" no other words left my mouth once I realized what I said. fuck. "what did you call me?" Paige's hands were now wrapped around my waist, slowly pulling me closer and closer to her. "nothing.." I said under my breath before Paige pulled me into a very aggressive kiss, forcing me to drop the shoes in my hands. "don't be shy." Paige whispered in my ear before pulling away and putting on her shoes. I was in a tank top and shorts while my hair was pulled into a messy bun. I looked like I just rolled out of bed, which I kind of did, but I still followed Paige out the door and to practice so that I could watch her. Azzi was sitting on a bench outside while waiting for Paige but she sprung up when me and the blonde finally walked out. my hand was interlocked with hers while the three of us walked to Paige's car.

the moment that all the girls saw me and Paige walking into the gym, holding hands, a bunch of 'aw's' and 'ooh's' were exchanged. as much as I tried to ignore them, I couldn't help but turn red at the sound. everything was going fine. Paige and the rest of her team had smiles plastered on her face the entire time I was there but my own smile dropped when I saw Abby walk through the doors. why would she be here? how was I going to explain shit to her? all she did was send a smile across the gym while she walked into the lockers. I looked down at my phone to see a text from her that I had got earlier this morning.

abby

hey are you going to be at the basketball practice today. I was wondering if we could talk.

i read the message then set my phone down silently. a rush of panic ran through my head and didn't budge for a while. when I looked back up, I saw Abby walking right towards me. she waved at me while walking up the stairs that led to her bleachers I was sitting on. she didn't hesitate to sit down right next to me along with my bag, and Paige's.

"hey did you get my text this morning?"

"oh I just saw it. what did you want to talk about?"

"well I know we've only known each other for a little while but you seem like a really sweet person and I was wondering if you would want to go-"

just like that, Abby was cut off by Paige yelling from across the gym.

"ice wants to know if we are together y/n!"

my eyes widened along with Abby's. I looked at Paige with a very forced smile on my lips. a let out a held back laugh and looked back at Abby then back down at Paige.

"what do you think?" I yelled back.

obviously I was with Paige and I loved her so much but it was still difficult to say that in front of Abby. the only other girl I've slightly caught feelings for since I transferred. I mean I fully stared at her jawline of all places. but here I was, planning out how I was going to reject her.

"oh. I see. its ok."

i look at Abby and felt nothing but guilt. as much as I love Paige, I didn't want to hurt Abby in any way possible. her voice was so dull after being so energetic coming up to talk to me. it practically ripped my heart out to hear that energy leaving her. of course I didn't let this get to me as deeply as I'm describing it because I mean, I'm dating the Paige Bueckers. who am I to ask for any more?

------------------------------------------------------------

as soon as practice was over, I had to get ready to go out with a couple of friends. I had met a couple girls through volleyball and we got close very quickly. the day that I kicked Paige out,I decided it was the right thing to make plans with friends so me, Ella, Brooklyn, Adeline, and Serenity made a plan to go out to the park every Saturday and we were going to stick to it. all the girls made a pact to bring one food item each time. for the first time, I brought things to make mini cucumber sandwiches. this time Ella brought watermelon, Brooklyn brought a box of cupcakes, Adeline brought stuff to make mini pizza, and Serenity brought all sorts of drinks. we all fought over who would bring a blanket but we ended up agreeing on taking turns each Saturday and this week Ella brought a pink and white plaid blanket. once everyone got to the park we set everything up and took pictures before giving life updates that went on forever.

"I have a girlfriend now..."

i said while stuffing watermelon in my mouth. everyone immediately started flooding me with questions, scooting close and closer towards me. I shooed them away while setting down my plate of watermelon and preparing myself to explain the complexity of meeting and getting with Paige. by the time I was done explaining, everyone's faces were in awe with looks of lust in their eyes. knowing that there were people in my life who actually cared about my love life felt nice. my old friends would've ignored the word "girlfriend"} every time it came out of my mouth. yet the second that a boy was brought up, everyone was invested. it was refreshing to surround myself around people who gave a shit.

after I answered around fifty questions about Paige, I couldn't stop myself from asking the girls about their own love lives. I adore listening to how head over heels people are for their own partners. I made sure to give everyone a chance to talk because I wouldn't want to leave anyone out. first, Brooklyn told me about her new talking stage and almost everyone congratulated her for finally joining the in a talking stage club. except for Serenity, she despised when her friends fall in love, but mainly because she cares so much. if anyone of her friends gets hurt in her peripheral vision, that person who hurt them would end up six feet under. then Ella went on about her girlfriend who shes been with for 2 years now but still treated the relationship like a middle school crush. I mean giggling and kicking her feet. obviously Serenity was single and did not plan on changing that anytime soon. Adeline was just asked out by a guy shes liked for three months now. we all hugged her and giggled a long with her while she talked about how dark his eyes are and how good he smells or whatever.

by the time everyone was done sharing about their lives, the blanket was scrunched up under us and there were plates scattered everywhere, a long with cups and utensils. we all began to clean up before walking to a sunny part of the grass and passed around a volleyball. this quite literally felt like the last day of 8th grade but it still felt so special to just enjoy what you enjoy with people that you feel comfortable around. so we played volleyball until the sun was about to set and then we got up and Adeline drove around the town, dropping the girls off one my one until we reached campus, where she dropped me off. I waved goodbye and walked up to my dorm. I didn't expect Paige to be sitting on my bed, working on a project while playing some random Drake song in the background. she continued to hum along to the lyrics until she looked up to see me leaning on the doorway. "why my room of all places?" Paige had a smug smile on her lips while shrugging her shoulders. "why not?"

[clickety-clacker]

Have you shared anything about what Too Late To Go Home is about? I love the horror and the aesthetic but I'm not sure what the lore is.

I have not posted the story publicly no, because the honest answer is that I only just recently even started talking about it at all because of some very cool and supportive friends, because my brain was convinced people would throw rocks at me for talking abt my weird hurt/comfort worldbuilding au.

I'll drop a rough summary below the cut:

Something changed in the final boss fight of the game. Maybe Spek was just a degree or two more angry, maybe godpoke was just a bit too slow- but Megapon was easily picked up and thrown from the spire, and thus, Inspekta wasn't stopped.

Instead, the gods had to actually kind of... fight him? I use 'fight' loosely as none of these guys are fighters. It was more like 'distract him long enough to close the rift without him pulling it back open'.

Huzzle Mug and Click, being some of the physically weakest gods for rift closing, ironically did the most distraction duty. Unfortunately for Click, he is small and easily grabbable, and inspekta is made of hands. It was a tense and sudden situation, with everyone so concerned with the apocalypse they weren't counting heads, and upon not seeing him out there, they assumed he was inside, as they dint have time to wait.

He wasn't.

Essentially, the rift gets closed with Click left on the outside. More specifically, thrown off the spire into the ocean.

After that it's a focus on things like,

"What happens to a god forcibly kept outside of their domain for a prolonged period?"

"What if Click and Inspekta realized how similar they are? What if they were forced to 'get along' for both of their survival?"

"How does king feel being suddenly thrust into godhood and immediately having to take lead on search and rescue? How does that impact her character?"

"How much ocean imagery can I fit into one AU?"

King, Thespius, and the rest of the pantheon left behind are forced to recon with a missing Click Clack and Inspekta, and we can explore them coming to terms with the fact they messed up badly with the whole situation.

Meanwhile, Spek finds Click Clack conveniently trapped in an ocean cave ('convenient' things tend to happen to Click a lot in this au for reasons that would take a while to explain), and plans to use him as a bargaining chip to be allowed back into the god realm.

This... isn't what he really ends up doing because that's kind of a bad plan, so he just sort of. Hold Click hostage by not telling anyone where he is, for a while. But when shit gets real and the panthon catches wind of this, he hides down there with Click.

Its a lot of them hating each other at first, but then sort of... bonding as their bodies break down into a more mortal form, and coming to terms with the fact they're both in this situation because they did do something wrong, and its not entirely "someone else's" fault.

The AU ends with Spek helping Click back into the pantheon, but choosing to stay behind in his weird... mortal but not really form.

You can find all the other stuff I've got for this AU here. Im happy to answer more questions, but I am also a bit nervous because the target audience for this AU is... uh. Me. lol

[nikanono]

I know I'm not active on here anymore, but I need a place to get this off my chest.

And Tumblr is where I found my creativity so I guess it fits

It has been so difficult to create anything as of recent. Ive lost so much confidence in what I do with so many shortcomings with my art. And I feel as if part of it is my fault- other parts its completely out of my hands.

Yes, Ai art and the industry tossing creatives aside hasnt been the most encouraging thing in the world. Its a good reason as to why i've been feeling not so great with creating things.

In 2022, I suffered a really bad art burnout. I didnt draw anything for a year. I started to kick it back up again in 2023. I found a lot of comfort in spending a lot of time drawing my OC's- which was far different than what I used to do- which was a shit ton of fanart. It definetely ignighted my spark and I really started to draw what I loved.

I really felt I was diving back into what I was really passionate about.

But I guess i could never escape how badly I relied on external validation for things I make. Because if I truely reflect, I've mostly drawn things for others. And I kept tellling myself that that was something I found comfort in. Getting feedback from an external source is where I grounded my validation for so many years and I really need to break out of that habit. And I'm back in a rut where I'm not finding interest or enjoyment in it anymore.

But its rough- I know OC content doesnt get much attention online, not compared to fanart at least. But seeing numbers dwindle on social def hit the brain a little to hard. I know I cant ever beat the algorithm but it still does suck a whole lot

The art burnout at the start of this year hit me so hard like a 500kg Eagle Strike. I can tell that im forcing any art that I put out. But I look at the recent stuff i make, wether it be a sketch or an illustration, and just feel so disheartened. I dont hate it, I dont critique it- I just feel disheartned by it.

And I know its affecting other parts in my life. Im a lot more moody and irritable, and I have this lingering worry that its starting to affect my social circles. I do my best to check in with my friends and partner but anxiety really just isnt kind at times.

I know time is going to be my friend in overcoming burnout- I know I've overworked myself. I just hate how I'm starting to resent the things I was so passionate about.

But really, I needed to get this off my chest somewhere.

Thanks for hanging friends

[lusealz]

TW vent thing

PTSD is just such a bitch I didn’t realize it’s already been a year and a half it feels like only a few months for me. I’ve been inactive the entire time and have missed out on so much and lost so many connections online with my friends because of how badly I was struggling its just hard it hurts so much I miss them everyday and its my fault for not keeping in touch I’ve just had so much happen after my dads accident my brain can’t even keep up anymore,, trying to slowly get back into things but it just makes me so emotional I miss the little online community I had going for me and now its all gone ough,,, I just have to start again and keep going !!

[starsillys]

I have been drawing for three hours straight no w

Many things but this this I think I need to show u guys before I go to sleep for the night (I’m losing my ficking mind this started off as just a silly little idea)

It snowballed so fucking badly after that he made fanfiction and forced my hand to think of and plot a Kinito pet high school manga fucking fanfiction made entirely by him. He designed guys he HE DESIGNED ANIME SONAS FOR HIS FRIENDS. HE DID THIS NOT ME ITS HIS FAULT THIS ISNT ME ITS HIM GUYS

Expect more horrible brain rot tomorrow along side other things if I remember

[kimsohn]

Ꮺ CRAZY

pairing . sangyeon x gn!reader about . 590 words, fluff warnings . none! tagging . @gfksn @invuwrld @stealanity (also @winterchimez hi)

usually, you like the rain. today is an exception.

the droplets resounding against the roof only anger your already worked-up self, and you merely lean against the railing in exasperation. after a long day of misery, you simply don't have the strength to hold onto the thin thread about to snap in half. unfortunately, the universe isn't kind enough to take pity on you today, because the sunny weather forecast prediction and the gloomy weather in front of you don't seem to match up, and you're left to hold back tears under the bus stand.

the cold wind whips past your bare skin, and you mentally curse yourself for not listening to your gut and wearing a jacket this morning. the last bus left an hour ago, and your cell phone is dead in your pocket, so the only thing that can save you now is quite literally a miracle.

thankfully, that miracle arrives in the form of lee sangyeon.

"did you forget your umbrella? again?" he asks, standing on the sidewalk in front of you with a blue umbrella in hand. "you could've at least called me."

"the weather forecast said it was going to be sunny," you argue pitifully, knowing that it's very well your fault for not listening to your brain and the clouds in the sky. "and my phone died. why are you even here anyway? your class ended two hours ago."

your friend sighs, tugging your arm so you can stand under his umbrella. he probably noticed that the railing wasn't protecting you very well due to your drenched hoodie, but he doesn't scold you about it. instead, he merely watches you step closer as another cold gust of air makes its way between you two.

"i was looking for you. we were supposed to get coffee today."

"if you wanted coffee that badly, you could've gone without me," you try to joke, although the humor doesn't seem to convey properly through your chattering voice.

he rolls his eyes, wrapping an arm around your side to pull you close as he walks you to his car. for warmth, you tell yourself, but the way you clutch onto the side of his jacket suggests anything but.

"just please charge your phone next time, okay? searching for you for two hours is not how i wanted to spend my day."

your breath hitches.

"are you still cold?" he asks, misinterpreting your breath, "i'm sorry, i should've been there for you. i knew something was wrong when you didn't respond in five seconds like you usually do—"

"you searched for me for two hours?" you interrupt, wide-eyed with surprise. "are you actually crazy? why would you do that? you could've been cozy at home instead of spending two hours in the cold!"

you stop him in the middle of the road, hands on his shoulders as you make eye contact with him. the only sounds you hear are the pitter-patter of the rain against the umbrella and your heavy breathing, but the world around you is drowned out in this moment where only you and him exist. the distance between you two is far too intimate for an argument, but as his gaze flickers down to your lips and back up, you don't even remember what point you're supposed to be proving anymore. if anything, you're far too distracted by the cocky grin he now sports on his face as he leans in to whisper into your ear.

"well if i didn't come to save you, who would?"

[hopelesslygaysstuff]

18, 21, 28, 37 :>

ugh ily

18. What trope have you not written yet, but want to?

Oooh like a college au!! Idk if that's the definition of trope but I always wanted to do a college fic with Wanda.

21. What do you do when you get writer's block?

Tbh I just... don't write lmfao. After Kinktober and forcing myself to write for 31 days I decided to never do that again bc it burned me our really badly. So now I just take a break and read or play video games to keep the creative juices flowing and then once my brain is good and ready, I start writing again!

28. Which fic is closest to your heart?

Sparkling Scarlet, just because it was the first one I ever wrote and I had that idea in my head for so many years, it just felt so good to finally write it down and then have people enjoy it ♡

37. Pick one of your fics and share three songs to go with it

Not me having to go to my masterlist to look at all my fics lmfao I forgot all of them... and also I'm fucking terrible and choosing songs to go with fics so I'm gonna share one song instead, I've spent like 15 minutes trying to answer this

My fic Not My Fault would probably have Taylor Swift's song Dress to go with it, cause its about best friends and tension and stuff!!

[pixelartpeach]

I want to write a world that is explicitly ablist in its design, but I don't wanna come off as endorsing it in any way. Any tips on how I could do that?

The trick with that is to separate the tone of the narration from the world itself. You want your setting's background characters to accept something as normal, but you want to unsettle your audience with what the characters are willing to ignore.

This is how I would go about it.

Let's say, for instance, you want to make a world that's actively hostile to blind and low-vision people. By design, nothing would be catered to them; crosswalks wouldn't have sound cues, braille doesn't exist, tripping hazards are everywhere, service dogs aren't allowed.

That's, unfortunately, already reality for a lot of the blind community, so you're already basing it on something realistic. Making a world like that and not doing anything with it would come across as endorsing it on your part, because it looks like you just didn't consider blind people when making your setting.

So you do have to do something with it.

Let's take it a step further.

Lean into the tragedies this makes and the callousness of the everyday person. A blind man got hit with a car while crossing the street—your reader feels sympathy for them. But your main character overhears people discussing it, and the passers-by sound blunt and cruel: "It's his own fault he got hit, he should have gotten someone to walk him." "Didn't he have anyone who can take care of him?" "I hope the driver didn't get fined too badly, they really should just make hazardous people stay home."

Stigmatize things over-the-top: Glasses are a sign of moral failing, because the local religion equates lack of vision with punishment from the gods. Why would a god forbid its creation from seeing its world, if not to punish them? So people forego glasses. They have to examine things uncomfortably close, they laugh off their bad reading skills, they get into crashes more often. A hospital patient starts going blind and has a panic attack, they were such a good person, how could this happen to them? It'll get better soon, right? Right?!

Make people go to harder lengths to avoid falling into the traps the setting has laid for them. People willing to shell out their life savings to get expensive surgery to restore their sight—except it doesn't always work, sometimes it messes your brain up further, but hey, that's a risk you need to take. Gran didn't survive the procedure, but Gran was old, those things happen to other people, not to you. Then have your setting capitalize on it—it's not just that you can restore your sight with the risky surgery, but you socially have no choice. Everyone is pestering you until you get it, your parents are looking down on you for not having perfect sight, and companies won't hire you, but there are ads in the paper for three different acclaimed doctors, and you know a guy who knows someone in a back alley that does it for half the cost, but is notorious for scarring their patients.

Your reader doesn't live in this reality. They'll read these and collectively go "What fresh hell is this."

An ableist author writing an ableist setting doesn't do this. Their setting is detrimental to their disabled characters, if they have any at all, but the detriment is either never touched on or is framed as "necessary."

If an author endorsing this kind of setting were to place a story in it, they would have a token blind character on the side that needs help constantly, that's patronized but never has a problem with it, who gets the pricey surgery, gets out of it scot-free, and is so SO happy to be "normal" again.

An author that doesn't endorse the setting and wants you to be unhappy with it has that same character scared of the procedure, but their friends and family urge them to get it anyways. They face hardships because they can't see, to the point where they finally cave in and get it, except it doesn't go perfectly—even if they have sight now, they also have to deal with constant pain, overstimulation, and light sensitivity. And yes, everyone treats them "better" now that they can see, but that's a gut-wrenching thing; they get into arguments with their parents because "you didn't love me until I had sight," they go quiet in job interviews because a job they fought so hard for before is just handed to them now, they receive blessings they don't want from a religion that "calls them home" from the sin of being blind.

THAT is how you write an ableist setting explicitly portrayed as ableist. You make the setting cause hardship and pain, and you write it in such a way that your reader would never want to endure that aspect of it.

Cheat code checklist:

Add features/remove aids to get in the disability's way

Have background characters victim-blame the disabled that live in it

Make the social setting unbearable for a disabled character

Show the struggles of a character WITH that disability living in that setting

[senesence]

The number 2

I’ve thought plenty about why I hate romance so much. Well, romance is too broad a concept. I don’t hate romance as a whole. A part of me loves it, the interdependence that forms between to people when they dare to be vulnerable with each other. What I hate is tragic romance. I hate it when the one doesn’t realize their feelings for the other until it is far too late, or when, for the better of the world, one sacrifices themselves, and the other joins them because they cannot live without each other. They would be happier dying in each other’s arms than living without the other. It gets especially difficult to deal with when there is hardly any romance that I relate to that isn’t tragic by its very nature. When people like me, who love each other and sacrifice themselves for each other, all out of love, for love, but the world receives to witness our love. “Friends, colleagues, heroes” but never “lovers.” Because the only thing worse than not loving is dying and leaving behind a world that thinks I love you any less than I do. There is no good media for me to consume, nothing for me to base my expectations on that doesn’t end in tragedy. Nothing interesting at least. I have tried, genuinely tried, to like stories that don’t end in tragedy, but for some reason, I can never force myself to appreciate it the same. I suppose, then, it’s partially my own fault I’m so unhappy.

With how much I ponder the reasoning for my hatred of tragic romance, I can never come to the same conclusion. Once, I thought it was because no one, not even the most creative people, can imagine a beautiful story that does not end in tragedy for me, but that’s just me projecting. I suppose I’m always partially correct. One of the reasons I am sure that I hate tragic romance is jealousy. I’ve always wanted to affect people in the same way stories affect me. I want to make something beautiful, yet I cannot. And I don’t know why. Every attempt is just a poorly made parody, a badly disguised plagiarism of what has made me sad.

I love tragedy. Tragedy is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. I have learned to appreciate the dead, and to appreciate death. The catharsis and satisfaction of a terrible end lightens my heart more than anything. But with the injection of love, I ruminate, my brain stews with the images of love in death, there is nothing else that I can feel or think or see or breathe. Romance makes death endless.

Death has always been a lonely thing for me. Death has always been mine. The only one who waits faithfully for me at the end, always ready to take me to sleep in his arms. The most romantic moment of my life has always been the end, where I am finally alone with death, naked, body and soul.

I have been saving myself for him all my life.

No one else can get between us and when they try, my bones scream. I hate it.

He made me a promise, the first day I ran to him. He was young then, too. He told me to turn back. He wouldn’t be happy if our time came now. He was patient, and so too would I be.

That’s why I hate tragic romance. It scares me. It scares me that there might be someone better than the man who’s waited for me all my life. Or maybe, I do not love him enough. It makes me want to run towards him, and my whole body hates staying still when he calls. But if I run, he will not take me. I need to earn his smiling face, earn his loving embrace. I owe it to him to try.