#but i think hobbies and friendships and passions can align with us

[liones-s]

I've been trying to pay more attention to when things feel easy. I spent so many years forcing things - relationships, interests, routines - that it was difficult to imagine things could or should feel differently. now that I've starting experiencing things that feel natural, I'm learning that hard work and forcing things are not equivalent. Doing well in a class I enjoy takes a lot of work, but it's not miserable. Swimming makes me tired but it brings me joy. When I tell someone I like spending time with them, they suggest fun things to do and it just happens to be an activity I love. Relationships and hobbies and passions take work, but they can feel good. Noticing when it feels good can help us find the way towards what's meant for us.

[pearlprincess02]

taylor swift and joe alwyn composite chart

sun

capricorn sun: capricorn sun in the composite is all about ambition. this relationship exists to reach success and complete desired goals. these people create an energy of purpose that seeks to accomplish. this placement is very binding until both people feel that they have reached the desired goal. there are certain expectations in these relationships as they hold each other to a high standard.

sun in 3rd house: composite sun in the third house deals with youth. similar to gemini sun in the composite, this placement is great for friendships. there’s a lot of communication and humor involved. these people don’t take each other seriously, but in the best way. i also find this placement indicates that the people involved begin to steal each other’s lingo/hobbies, it’s so cute.

moon

gemini moon: "Tell me all about the things your heart longs for.” both of you love delving into topics of any sort, so your emotions are most likely communicated and expressed. you love conversing with one another, exploring, and satisfying your minds’ curiosities. there is a rational/logical way of viewing both of your emotions, you both try your best to intellectualize or make sense out of the feelings and events that happen to the both of you and this causes two of you to be overwhelmed. emotions are meant to be felt anyway, thus there must be balance between rationalizing and leaning on the raw emotional side.

moon in 7th house: both people can feel deeply emotionally compatible. they feel assured by the other person. one of the most beneficial places to have composite moon because this two people relate with each other in a relationship context. they are looking for the same kind of environment within the relationship itself. It's easy to relate, to bond, to have support, to feel that the other person is looking for the same things in a context of a relationship. "The echo moon - one of them send out a vibe and the other receives and send the same kind of vibe back"

rising/ 1st house:

scorpio rising: others might find your relationship more closed off or mysterious. you project intensity and depth. this placement would make for the least superficial relationship and you are both very susceptible to each other’s emotions and passionate with one another. issues with jealousy and possessiveness can arise.

lilith in 1st: you are both instantly attracted to each other because of your rebellious and unconventional appearance. you may help each other find liberation through acts of rebellion and creativity that are obvious and open. you both balk at convention and do things your own way, refusing to be confined or controlled by others. instead, you help each other unleash your deeper subconscious desires and drives to succeed. you can help encourage each other to use your unique styles of creativity to accomplish your personal ambitions. this is also a connection that helps you both overcome limitations and find the confidence to be true to your own higher vision without shrinking to fit anyone else’s profile or expectations.

juno in 1st: your loyalty and devotion as a couple is evident from the minute others see you as a pair. as a couple you openly embody your faithfulness and commitment. you make it clear that you are aligned with each other’s ambitions and dreams. this relationship can involve an instant connection and commitment to helping each other succeed. through your connection to each other you both create a foundation for showing your compassion and emotional support. this is an ideal placement for marriage. a commitment to each other’s personal needs is central to this relationship.

mercury

aquarius mercury: talking to each other can feel like talking to a lifelong friend, they may have different ways of thinking but they will never judge or laugh at each other, on the contrary, these same differences can unite them. the conversations will be varied and you will love to talk about your future together to plan it. they may like to play video games together, go out with friends, do things they never dared to do. the other brings out their most intrepid and rebellious side. both accept those sides of the other that were judged by others.

mercury in 3rd house: even if they are introverted people, the conversation between them will be something unique and something that will fascinate them. they are the typical couple that has an open communication, they tell each other everything, from the most profound things to the most trivial, they enjoy each other's company as they do not do with anyone else and there will never be moments of awkward silence. they will think alike and want to know more and more about each other. not talking or being close to the other person can make them sad, they are a boost for the other. both will show each other many new things and admire each other for this.

venus

pisces venus: yours is a deeply emotional and affectionate relationship. you both value compassion and empathy. you have great sensitivity to each other’s needs and your connection may seem to be on a spiritual level. you may feel as if you’ve shared lifetimes together in the past. you can bring healing and emotional understanding to each other in this relationship. you both bring out each other’s unconditionally loving nature. though you share a great deal of romance and sentimentality, your love for each other is beyond conventional understanding. you may go to great lengths to show your support for each other. yet this relationship can also slip into codependent patterns at times. it’s hard for you to set boundaries with each other, and doing so is one of the big lessons in this relationship. you can also inspire healing in each other’s lives, especially through creative talents or spiritual exploration. you may influence each other’s spiritual practices or exploration of mind-altering substances.

venus in the 3rd house: the shared pleasure seeking is very much centered in mental things. shared opinions about the type of facts that they will focus on. it's a cerebral venus, not very common in romantic relationships. but there's a lot to share when it comes to world events, small talk, appreciate each other's point of view, even if it's different, it will be always interesting to learn about. they love this in this placement. they can feel their mind appreciated. free will of opinions, thoughts and ideas.

mars

virgo mars: both parties are very helpful to each other, you seek to help each other when things go wrong or difficult and may want to help the other de-stress in very effective ways. slow massages, exclusive attention for each other and a desire to please every fantasy you learned the other had. you are very dedicated to the relationship and put a lot of attention into improving its quality to make it a place of tranquility and peace for the other. this couple seeks to have a beautiful relationship with the other, whom they consider the right partner. it is possible that both of them thought a lot before making a move with the other. they motivate each other to be the best versions of themselves, they will bring out the best in each other. if arguments arise, they may need a moment alone and then come back calm and probably with some solution. in case mars is making tense aspects, they may argue over small things.

mars in the 9th house: they will have a more positive vision of life and what they can expect from it. having each other will make you grow a lot as people. you will be motivated to express yourself, your beliefs and thoughts more authentically. they will help the other person have more confidence in being themselves and accepting their differences with pride. this couple will seek to have interesting and new experiences together, they can travel a lot or try things they always wanted to try. 

celeb's masterlist / 1H - 6H / 7H - 12H

crds:

composite sun

composite moon + house

composite rising + lilith in houses + juno in houses

composite mercury

composite venus + house

composite mars

[blackknightax]

Virtual Idol Friend (working title)

Chapter 1: digital life is born.

Emily was a sad lonely girl. She is a 3d animator by hobby, office worker by trade, and no one to the people around her. None of her projects have ever gotten any real attention, she has a couple hundred subscribers, her most popular video is an animation she made using audio of a popular streamer that's only really popular because they featured it. She has no friends and most people think nothing of her. She is currently working on a bit of a passion project that she's sure she'll never finish, because she isn't musically inclined and definitely can't afford to license it. But she's working on an idol girl model for this project. She just finished rigging it. She posed it a few times before right clicking on it and hitting "name object" She doesn't often use this feature but she did this time. She was kinda zoned out when she did it so instead of writing a name she wrote something inspired by what she said as she was thinking out loud. "Man... I wish you'd be MY best friend.... I could use one..." She sighed and absent mindedly named her "best friend" then she was called away by a sudden need to do laundry.

On the screen something happened as “best friend” suddenly moved. She looked around at her environment before literally stepping out of the 3d modeling program she was made in. She fell out and landed on the Taskbar. She mouths an "owie" and then realizes she cannot speak,  though attempts to a couple more times. She tries to say "huh?" Then tried to scream, nothing. She gets up, dusts off her skirt, and looked around again. She was mainly seeing how big she is. She pressed the button on the far end of the Taskbar that reveals the desktop and runs to the icons on the far left. The top of her head perfectly aligns with the top of the third row of icons. She touched it and found that she can, even climb it. She raised her arms victoriously after climbing a couple more. She was now about a quarter of the way up the screen. She kept climbing her goal to reach the top. But she got distracted by the icon of the music player. She climbed her way to it and tried slapping the icon. This caused it to open, and her to fall. She falls onto the menu of the music streaming service.

She looked at the recently played and other menus. She grabbed the side of the program and found she can move the scroll bar, much easier than climbing. After looking through the menu she found Emily's "my Playlists" She jumped from the side to go into that menu. She found a Playlist of Emily's favorite idol anime songs. She goes to that Playlist and hits play. She starts lip syncing and dancing to whatever song plays. 

Only now does Emily arrive back with her laundry. First she's confused why the computer is playing music. Then she sees the music streaming service open, and the little idol girl dancing on screen. The idol looks to her, stops dancing, and kicks the pause button on the music. Emily opens the modeling program to see the idol left it. She nervously waves her cursor at the idol as though to say hi. The idol excitedly towards the screen started waving her arms as though she were repeatedly saying hi. Emily opens a word document and writes "do you talk?" The idol puts her arms down in defeat and shakes her head "no" Emily is a little disappointed but she didn't voice it.  Emily opens the start menu and finds the on-screen keyboard program that every computer has. When it opened the idol climbed into it and started slapping letters. "Hello Emily san! It's good to meet you!  Sorry I started making so much noise. I wanted to dance!" Emily felt a feeling she hasn't felt in a long time, a warmth, a happiness.  "Well, ‘best friend’ can't be your name. I think I was going to name you Aiko, are you okay with Aiko?" The little idol pressed enter and responded "yes Emily San, I love Aiko!"

Thus, a beautiful friendship was to begin between Emily and her creation Aiko. End of chapter 1.

I, might, do a commentary if asked... Image is a drawing I did meant to portray my main character of sorts. I'd love to do a "ask my OC's" but we'll see if I'm brave enough for that

[pomegrnteseed]

i think there's cause for reflecting on the "love you sm" mentality fandom spaces perpetuate at the surface level, with stories of emotional and sexual intimacy replacing or standing in for the connections we seek for ourselves. by which i mean to say - in creating worlds where such intimacy exists, by sharing explicit erotica and unmitigated heartbreak and lasting love, we think we're closer to each other than we actually are. it's a pseudo-connection, or at least far more brittle than we expect because we've shared our kinks and histories and dreams with people just like us. except, maybe they're not so much like us.

maybe it's not love we have for other members. maybe fandom communities are actually sustained by a desire to quell the anxiety and isolation of a passion/interest/hobby that few others share irl. maybe that's why we all feel the heat and hurt of the ruptures so keenly - they disturb our own sense of security.

that's not to say that love doesn't exist, there are all kinds of love, after all. i'm just not sure that this kind of love between fandom members is enough. i think it's brittle. i think we need more robustness. and i think such robustness comes from deeper connection, which is hard to sustain across timezones, geographies, other interests, political alignments, histories, expectations, dreams, desires. it's not impossible, but in-fighting is inevitable when there are too many people bringing their own notion of normal or expected or correct to the table. too many cooks, indeed.

after all, don't our dhr protagonists often have hurdles to overcome far beyond their love for each other? it is kind of ironic to me that we are embedded in a fandom whose ship is not canon, yet we cannot possibly imagine alternative ways of connecting or building community. it's hard, i know, to look beyond the walls we find comfort in, but there's so much more to community building than being interested in the same thing. and doing it on platforms built to engender miscommunication to keep people posting (and consequently seeing the ads placed on timelines so the fat cat's pockets remain well padded) is probably not going to help matters.

like, i'm posting this on tumblr for a reason. several actually. for one, the ones who took issue with my opinions (I originally named them but logging back onto twt today reminds me it's not worth the possible backlash) back during the ai-shaming conversation aren't likely to see it unless someone sends it their way, but they blocked me so i doubt they have any interest in what i have to write. for another, twt doesn't bode well for nuance given character limits and the atmosphere on the platform being primed for defensiveness and antagonism. third, i don't feel watched over here like i did on twt. i can just post my little rambles and not care about upsetting people because really there's no one watching and that's a relief. i have no fics in me atm. i've been trying, but i don't want to give to the dhr community at large. i want to write specific stories for specific people. that's how i wrote pola's harmony bday oneshot. gifting fics for specific people feels more my speed just now. i just don't have it in me to keep fostering friendships while the atmosphere is so volatile. except for taylor. i want to write her something for sure. soon as i find my muse, there's a big monsterfucking story coming her way. and sweet sweet bee, who i feel i owe a better story than i've currently got to offer in we are to learn. maybe when i'm back west next month i'll have a little more inspiration to draw from.

anyway, i just don't think some folks really understand the fickleness of the love bandied around dhrtwt. it's not the kind of love that wants to see you grow, learn, do better. it's the kind that's merit based but the scoring system isn't clear. it's the kind that's highly conditional with unwritten rules and etiquette you best learn quick. and it's a kind of love, i've learned, that is extremely quick to sour if you don't conform to the personal ideals of a popular, loud few. personally, that's not much like the love i want to put time into at all.

[steelthroat]

Okay i feel the need to add non idw Shockwave shenanigans:

Transformers animated:

Spent centuries cosplaying a young autobot while being a double agent (him. Who was older than most autobots in all of autobot society)

When almost found out the first time he manipulated everyone into incarcerating and torturing the wrong guy and made him go completely crazy.

When almost found out the second time he made a cube out of his underling and made another underling throw him in the trash

When shit went crazy he attacked one of the most powerful autobots and left him comatose/almost dead/very dead (this guy was Megatron’s rival before op)

Brainwashing is his hobby

Semi-reverse brainwashing was also a thing

Petty beef with a collegue

Looks like a weird eldrich-horror-deer thing and has a british accent

G1 cartoon Shockwave:

Misogynistic

British

Got ghosted for 4 million years

Left on his home planet handling resources while his and the rival faction play in the sandbox on earth

Most of the soacebridges meant to reach cybertron explode in most episodes

In another timeline, he survived Unicron's attack on Cybertron. He formed a friendship with a guy and the two resolved to conquer the world of business and entertainment via shadowy corporate dealings and pop music to help his boss.

Wfc:+aligned as a whole

Jurassic park is his passion, but the dinosaurs turn into guys who hate him

Traumatized his test subjects so badly they formed an underclass of Cybertronians who didn't even remember their names and were... not in good shape.

Made guys who combine into a bigger guy

Experimented drugs on his collegues

Experimetned on a demigod

Meddling with sharkticons and insecticons is his passion

Transformers Prime:

Jurassic park is his passion

Oh shit my dinosaur got killed

Oh shit my dinosaur is alive

"Oh shit my extinct beast turns into a grown ass men who feels lonely"

Oh shit my boss thinks my dinosaurs are too dangerous and wants me to destroy all of my project. Wow. Milliennia of experiments and research gone and I simply say "oke"

Almost half-blinds his colleague after he tried to leave him alone while autobots attacked (again). Doesn't do it because the excuse received was logical

The only time he ever acts kind is when he speaks with another nerd who was also his prisoner

Almost gets killed by the undead dinosaurs

Makes fun of a disabled guy

Skybound:

Mhhhh whale smoothie yummy

Traumatized a guy so badly he stops mid epic entrance and runs away

[Idk i haven't read more I'm sure he did more]

Netflix war for cybertron trilogy:

I think he has a problem with ultra magnus, because guess what... he tortures him here too. Damn. Save this guy from Shockwave please

Made a virus that fucked up his planet and everyone told him it was a bad idea/last resort. Did it anyway.

Harvested his own decepticons

He could technically still be alive. Which is scarier.

Bayverse:

Has got a giant worm

Blargh blurgh blor blorg

active in a battle during the 1560s, where his exploits were recorded in a painting. He later participated in World War I around 1917, where his silhouette had been used on a war poster(gotten from the wiki i didn't remember this lol)

Cyberverse:

Tried to manipulate an amnesiac guy and fails

Microaggression against seekers where he says "ofc you failed your kind is dumb as fuck"

Experiments on other mechs ofc

Made a guy uncomfortable with his staring

Dance dance revolution

He participated on a twitch stream

Scared another guy when he appeared to him as a vision/ghost

Marvel:

Oh god this is one of my faves, he's done too much unhinged shit I'll make another reblog later but ooooh boy he was crazy crazy

2019 idw:

I don't remember much, but you can add your propaganda here

PROPAGANDA

Shocwave:

He didn't have a doctorate but he WAS a senator from cybertron. In the G1 iteration he was the "logical scientist that built super weapons" archetype, in Transformers: Prime he built a spacebridge AND he used old cybertronian fossils to make a dragon (straight up copied from Jurassic Park) and in the comics he gets up to so much shit that the mere mention of a bench sends his fan into a conniption. He's also purple!

There are so many different versions of this freak, it's crazy! In one universe he's just some guy. In another he's a rebel leader. Maybe he's a petty criminal with a love for cackling. Or maybe he's an artificial god who built his own temple. I mean, what if he had a huge building-eating pet worm? It's not that different from the one time he brought back extinct dragon robots for his clone army. Does a double-crossing secret spy sound interesting? Y'know he was once a robot rights activist. Usually he's a terrorist but what do you do when your lab is filled with things that are massively illegal? A Shockwave for everything you could want

I have the most knowledge of TFP, so that what I'll use. Anyway, he invented the cortical psychic patch, which basically allows one to enter another's mind, and it's used in some dubious ways by several people, but Shockwave uses it the most brutally. He also cloned an extinct species of transformer, using just small amounts of bones. He also has a massive monoboob, and replaced one of his hands with a cannon, meaning he did all of the unethical scientific work with a good third of his vision obscured and with one hand.

Carlos Dave Robles:

Perfect hair. Gay. We love to see it

[facesofcsl]

Hailey Stubbington- Bachelor of Criminology

Hailey Stubbington (she/her/they) is in her second year at the University of Alberta. She is completing a Bachelor of Arts in Criminology, a specialized degree in the Department of Sociology that studies crime and social responses. She is also on her way to obtaining the CSL Certificate.

What CSL placements have you completed?

In the Winter term of 2023, I completed a placement with The Steadward Centre in CSL 100. It was also the first CSL course I’ve ever taken. The Steadward Centre is a physiotherapy program development centre that helps with and is for people experiencing disabilities. I worked with some clients on exercises and routines, which aided in rehabilitation with movements. In the Fall semester of 2023, I worked with Food Not Bombs, a vegan-based organization that helps give food to the public while also advocating for peace. In the same semester, I also worked with L’Arche, a catholic-based community that fosters friendship and belonging for people with and without intellectual disabilities. Currently, I am in two placements this term: one is with the Foote Theatre School at the Citadel Centre, where I am working as a TA in a youth musical theater class, and the other is with The University of Alberta Emergency Management Team, where I am conducting surveys to measure classroom engagement with emergency emails.

What was your favorite CSL placement, and why?

My favorite CSL placement is definitely Food Not Bombs. Not only because it connected me with Downtown Edmonton, an area I’m very familiar with, but I also got to work with a community that not only advocates for peace and justice in marginalized communities but actively gives back to the community with sustainable food made from perfectly good food that would be otherwise thrown away. A lot of food ends up in a dumpster at the end of the day to make space for fresh, appealing food that doesn’t go to the people who need it. By helping with Food Not Bombs efforts, I saw effective action being put toward giving these people easy and free access to basic necessities. From developing programs such as Helping Humans, where we make and deliver meals for people in the Edmonton community, to providing free community meals in Downtown Edmonton’s Beaver Hill House Park to serve anyone in the area in need of food, these programs allowed me to be on the front lines seeing and supporting those living in precarious situations. Being able to help someone in that situation just by welcoming them into a space and providing them with an essential need, like a hot meal, is something I enjoyed supporting in my placement the most.

Considering current placements, there is definitely a tie between the Foote Theatre School and Emergency Management. I like singing and acting in my spare time, and I do cosplay as a hobby. I chose this placement to get to work with kids on something they and I are not only passionate about, but something they may want to make their future career or hobby. Emergency Management is another favorite placement because it is not only in the realm of what I want to do with my degree, but I got to create something I can look back on and have people build on to make it better for months or years after I’m done with my placement.

What was the most important/memorable lesson you learned?

The most important and memorable lesson I've learned is to be very adaptable. Especially because I'm involved in multiple placements that I hadn’t thought would specifically connect with my degree until I got into Emergency Management. At first, you might think some placements don't align with your degree. Or one may ask, "Why are you working with X organization? Nothing they do connects with how people are influenced by crime!" Working with these organizations sometimes forces you to think outside of your learning and use that knowledge differently.

In one of my sociology classes, I learned about Boyle Street and its place in the city of Edmonton, but by working with Food Not Bombs, I got to see hands-on why Boyle Street is the way it is by connecting theory to the fact that homelessness can put people in precarious situations and correlates how power affects the actions they take including criminal activity. Certain populations are built around limited resources, which correlates with high crime, especially on Downtown Edmonton's Boyle Street. These environments influence some of the precarious situations and the types of services they also need. The key takeaway? Be adaptable, think on your feet, and do your best with your available resources. Even if it is the best you can do in your current situation, it is still the best you can do, and don't forget to take time to appreciate that.

Community Service-Learning (CSL) is working with the Business + Higher Education Roundtable (BHER), and with support of the Government of Canada, to help build foundational green skills for UAlberta students. So, with the support of the BHER’s partnership, you worked on a project in your AREC 173 class during the Fall of 2023. Can you tell us a story about your experience working with Food Not Bombs?

During my time with Food Not Bombs, one of the projects I did was to send letters to two local cafes: one on Whyte Ave, a bake shop on the way to West Edmonton Mall, and one commercial grocery store in Edmonton. Many food leftovers expire or end up in the trash because no one wants to take them home. Oddly enough, with local businesses, we found that they were more willing to lend some of the leftovers to us. For example, the bake shop gave us some of their leftovers a few weeks after the letters were sent out, brightening some people's day when they got their meal. However, we are still awaiting a response regarding the commercial grocery store. There wasn't an opportunity to speak to anyone about this opportunity to speak to anyone about this opportunity in person, but rather, I was redirected to submit questions online, where I found information about how they plan to support the community by asking for their help and the commercial grocery store wanting to the same differently. Thankfully, though, due to our connections with local businesses, we could still continue our initial goal of networking with businesses and gaining a lot of extra food to give to people in need.

Can you share what knowledge and skills you developed during your CSL placement related to climate change mitigation or sustainability activities?

I was able to network with many shareholders in the Edmonton community, especially through the letters we sent out. From the time we sent those letters until my placement was finished, we gained a fair amount of donations from Edmonton businesses. We were also able to connect with various other causes and efforts going on in Edmonton, such as Palestinian and 2LGBTQIA+ rights.

Working in terms of sustainability, the programs in place, such as having community meals, picking up food and accepting donations wherever we can, and having a community fridge where people can come drop off or pick up donations discreetly, helps mitigate some of the side effects that come with climate change, since much of the food that does end up being wasted impacts the environment, especially the food that is pre-made. By recovering and picking up food that is still good to eat and goes to the people who need it, not in landfills, going to waste, and harming the soil and other elements in the environment that we and other species depend on for survival.

What does receiving the Student Equity Award mean to you?

Last year, in the winter, I was making alternative plans for staying in Edmonton due to having issues finding adequate housing and keeping up with the new tuition hikes that had been approved on top of paying for basic necessities. After finding out I received the award that I applied for during the fall term, I was able to use some of that money to help myself immediately, as well as continue my degree and start completing the CSL certificate. By having this award, students are not only given the opportunity to have some extra money to start their certificate journey or continue doing projects that aid and enhance their degree, but it also helps students attend the University of Alberta and share the knowledge they've learned with others today. That's what the award means to me. The fact that this award is going to people who may be in the same boat as me or about to be in a precarious situation themselves means that this award makes a big difference in deciding whether to continue with education or not.

How would you sum up your experience with CSL in one sentence?

Yeah, I did it, and I’d do it again!

With support from the Co-operative Education and Work-Integrated Learning Canada (CEWIL Canada) and the Canadian federal government, CSL awards scholarships to equity-deserving students for their successful participation in an official CSL course.

[catrasexuals]

The multiple readings of the Vegas lines, and why Mike was being a jerk: analysis

So, we finally got our script. And this part caught a lot of people’s attention. 

There are two ways we can approach reading this part of the script. 

The first functions under the assumption that the underlined text - What are you, like 12-years-old still, dude? - is Mike’s actual internal dialogue, hence the underlining of motive in the square brackets. This was my first reading - Will feels the air change, he feels the awkwardness, but he does not know why. The ‘why’ is in the underlined italics - Mike is judging Will for being childish and holding onto traditionally ‘childish’ hobbies. Sounds grim, yes, but there’s an explanation.

The second instead assumes that Will is an unreliable narrator for the entirety of this scene, and the underlined text is what Will thinks Mike thinks, and the motive so heavily emphasised within the next direction is instead something entirely different, something Will has missed completely. Bylers like myself might want to read this as Mike having some kind of Will-related realisation...otherwise, it’s ambiguous. 

In my opinion, both of the above share a common thread: Mike projects his insecurities onto Will. 

In suggesting such a ridiculous fantasy, Will incidentally gets straight to the core of Mike’s desires: To go back to how things were just as much as Will does, to play DnD and Nintendo for the rest of his life, to not have to worry about his best friend disappearing and getting possessed, or his superhero girlfriend getting arrested, or his family being taken and killed, or the town he grew up in being destroyed. 

And that’s scary for Mike. It’s scary that the boy he hasn’t seen for a year has read his mind with an offhand fantasy. 

We know Mike still likes DnD and Nintendo. 

From Lucas on the Line, after Will and El leave:

“Mike went straight back to moping, but it’s even worse than before...he’s in his basement all day, playing Super Mario Bros...”

And all you need to do is watch Season 4 to know Mike’s heavily invested in Hellfire, passionate about making all the campaign sessions, to the point that him and Dustin are markedly pissed at Lucas for choosing his basketball game instead. He also borrows a lot of inspiration from Eddie for his appearance - longer hair; darker, more edgy clothes. 

But we’ve seen this before, we saw Mike lash out at Will over his desire to play DnD while he, Dustin and Lucas were ‘getting older’, getting involved with girls, trying to grow up and be perceived as ‘cool’, to outgrow their nerdiness. In fact, we even saw Mike lash out at Will because he showed no interest in girls. Interesting. 

And now, once again, Mike is insecure because what he wants to do - sit and play games with friends, his best friend, the friend whose company I think he has longed for just as he longed for El - does not align with what he is doing, or the way he is presenting himself. And so he lashes out, he judges. Because Will is literally the physical manifestation of who he used to be - his old best friend, the person he played DnD and Nintendo all day with. He’s the easiest target for Mike’s insecurities. 

To take it a step further, and to be a little more delusional, maybe Mike’s also insecure about his sexual orientation, and projects his insecurity over it onto Will because he’s figured Will out already (It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!). The DnD, the Nintendo, the shadows of his friendship with Will - they stand on their own as remnants of Mike’s past, but are also a potent metaphor for Mike Wheeler’s greater internal struggles - whether that be with his sexual orientation, or just with his self-image, interests and identity in general. 

[saturnrevolution]

Astrology and tarot predictions for this new moon solar eclipse on 10th of June

This is an event of messages, as the solar eclipse is in a conjunction to Mercury, the planet of communication. We are likely to receive some new, unexpected piece of information that’s going to change our perspective on things and make us reflect. These energies will be felt for the following days as well. Here are your messages:

Aries sun/rising cards: three of swords reversed, king of pentacles

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 3rd house of communication. This means that you might have gotten or will get some surprising news or messages. The cards are saying that this message might have something to do with something from the past that hurt your feelings and the particular message will help you move on. Maybe you will have a conversation with someone from the past. The advice for the next days is to speak what's on your mind without fear. This can also be related to new inspiration coming to you. However, you are moving on from past mindsets.

Taurus sun/rising cards: nine of pentacles reversed, queen of pentacles

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 2nd house of income, work and self worth. There will likely be a change in mindset around this area or some news coming up. The cards are saying that this is an ending of a cycle that has to do with your career, your money or your routine. This ending brings new opportunities and fresh new perspectives in this area. The advice here is to stay grounded, be patient and trust yourself and the process. Your efforts are paying off. Continue to work towards your goals and don't give up. Gemini sun/rising cards: three of swords, king of cups

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 1st house of self and you are likely to be feeling it personally as it's in your sign. This means big shifts in the way you view yourself and the world around you. The cards are saying that this week might be a bit intense for you and you will likely feel some shifts on an emotional level. The only message I am getting is that you should not question this period or overthink it, but rather just allow yourself to feel. It's a great time for you to get in touch with your emotions and be there for yourself. Talking about them will also help. Cancer sun/rising cards: three of cups reversed, the empress

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 12th house of hidden things, the subconscious, dreams and imagination. It's a reflective time and a time of getting to know more about the way you think. The cards are saying that you might be feeling like you need to retreat for a while, maybe take some time off without socializing. This period is helping you be more confident and the advice is to do whatever's good for you this week. Prioritize self love and care. Leo sun/rising cards: seven of wands reversed, the tower

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 11th house of friendships, the future and community. This means that you're likely to hang out with groups of people or have certain conversations with your friends or make plans for the future. The cards are saying that you might have had a period of conflict or a period when you were impulsive and this is coning to an end. No matter how much you try to control external factors, if change is supposed to happen, it will happen anyway. So the advice here is to surrender to change, as it always brings new mindset, new people in your life and it helps you grow. Virgo sun/rising cards: ace of swords, ace of cups

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 10th house of career, goals and public image. This means that you are likely to get some news related to this area of your life. The cards are saying that you are likely to feel highly inspired around this period and you might get lots of ideas and communication opportunities that can also be related to your career or even social media. The advice here is to allow yourself to be happy by this energy, do not criticize yourself or the opportunities you get. You are exactly where you should be.

Libra sun/rising cards: ace of wands, wheel of fortune

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 9th house of travel, foreign cultures and higher education. There might be some new knowledge you are learning around this time (or a language). The cards are saying that you are starting to feel a bit more motivated to take your life into your hands and take action towards your goals. There might be opportunities coming soon and everything will move faster once they do. However, the advice is to trust the process, be patient and know that you are on the right track and your luck will turn if you do so.

Scorpio sun/rising cards: six of cups, eight of pentacles

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 8th house of deep connections, intimacy and mental health. This means that you might work on improving your mental health and deepening some connections through healthy communication. The cards are saying that you might start talking to someone from the past, you might be thinking about a connection and you might be missing someone. This is a great time to remember past memories, but the advice is to not get sad about it, but rather be grateful and to focus on work and use this as a motivation to maybe earn some money.

Sagittarius sun/rising

cards: the lovers reversed, two of cups

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 7th house of close and romantic relationships, the other and cooperation. This means that you might get some news from someone close or start seeing someone with a different perspective. The cards are saying that you might have ignored your intuition for a while and you might have tried to do everything on your own. However, the advice here is to allow yourself to work together as a team with someone and open up and allow yourself to build something together. Always trust what you feel.

Capricorn sun/rising cards: the death reversed, queen of wands

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 6th house of routine, health, daily life and work. This means that you are likely to change something in this area of your life, especially in your mindset about it. The cards are saying that there's a new beginning that is supposed to happen, but you might hold onto the past and who you were back then too much and this keeps you from inviting new energies. Your past doesn't define you and the advice here is to just go for the things you want and believe in your power. There's great things ahead if you make any small positive change (in your routine).

Aquarius sun/rising cards: king of wands, queen of wands

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 5th house of romance, hobbies and leisure time. You are likely to start a new hobby or communicate more about it or to talk to someone new. The cards are saying that this period is really good for you creatively, you might be feeling really inspired to try new things and you might be more passionate and motivated. The advice is to engage your emotions in this creative outlet, hobby or romance and to go out of just take action that's aligned to your emotions and allow teamwork and cooperation.

Pisces sun/rising cards: king of cups, ten of cups

In terms of astrology, the new moon is happening in your 4th house of home, family and safety. You are likely to receive some news related to this or feel inspired to invite people to visit you into your home. The cards are saying that this period for you is focused on building emotional connections to those around you and it's clearly a romance reading for some of you. You will probably be feeling all sorts of positive feelings and maybe think of it as a beginning of a great connection (or an upgrade of one). The advice is to feel them and enjoy this beautiful time with someone you love.

[arteyhumano299]

You Keep Me Waitin’

Chapter 1: Feel Better (9k words)

Summary: Kagami and Marinette aren't that close— they’re friendship is relatively new and there's still some unresolved tension. Kagami has just experienced heart break for the first time, and her mother’s expectations are beginning to weigh on her. Marinette’s duties are doing a similar number on her, and painful realizations have also left her heartbroken. They realize they can use each other as an excuse to flee from their troubling lives. In each other they find unexpected comfort, and soon they're closer than either could have expected.

Available on Ao3 , fanfic.net , and Wattpad

Notes:

First fanfic I'm publishing in a while. So I made the creative decisions to make the characters slightly older, around 17,16 ish. It's just cause it makes me uncomfortable to write sexual tension between 14-15 year olds. Also, this fic takes place right after the break ups so like season 4, ep 2. I can't promise consistent updating schedule but I'm committing to this fic. This first chapter is pretty long, I don't have a set words per chapter limit so the chapters might be all over the place. Anyway. Enjoy :)

Kagami feels hollow. She felt hollow as she closed the door of the locker room. She felt hollow as she walked out of Françoise Dupont. She felt hollow as she made her way down the stone steps at the entrance of the collège. The sound of her shoes making contact with the ground made Kagami feel especially hollow —the only sound that rang in her ears. Said shoes carried her to Tatsu's red door. Eyes found the car’s window, Kagami grimaced at her own reflection.

She clutched Tatsu’s handle and swung the backseat door open, hoping to flee from her own eyes. Her head hung low, eyes on her lap, as she closed the door. Slowly, she lifted her head to face the window and the collège’s front gates. She took a deep breath before turning her eyes forward. “Take me home, Tatsu.”

The collège disappeared as Tatsu moved forward. Kagami exhaled. Her hands found their way into her fencing bag and she slowly retrieved her phone from the bundle of clothes and protein bars. She steeled herself as her phone lit up. The screen read 6:09 against a familiar picture Kagami had taken that day at the San Martin Canal. They were seated at the canal’s edge, Adrien’s chin smudged with ice cream and Kagami smiling giddily at having caught this momentary clumsiness. Adrien, oblivious to the desert decorating his face, grinning at the camera and leaning close to her. She pursed her lips as she felt a pang to her chest, and opened settings with a decisive press of the home button. Their twin smiles disappeared from her lock screen, replaced with an old picture of the Eiffel Tower— one she had taken when she’d first arrived in Paris. She’d grown accustomed to it by now, but the large monument had seemed so mystical when she first saw it.

A sense of exhaustion came over her and she let her neck fall backwards. Head falling on the seat’s headrest, the car’s ceiling filled her vision.

Had this been a mistake?

Kagami had always been rational. Her mother valued logic above all, putting her stakes only in what she could hope to benefit from. Mother had taught this principle to Kagami at an early age, and Kagami had taken it to heart. She put a lot of effort into her passions, assured that her work would pay off. She took her future seriously, recognizing that it would reflect all of her present decisions. She didn’t goof off or blow off responsibilities. She did her best to control her sometimes reckless personality. She wasn’t disobedient. And she certainly didn’t waste her time in mindless relationship games. But here she was now. Kagami had gone about dating Adrien the way she did most things: straight to the point, and with a set goal in mind. She had been decisive, and she wasted no time dancing around her feelings, thinking that it would pay off, like all other things had in her life. Sitting alone in a car, heartbroken, had not been the outcome she predicted. Could she have miscalculated?

Somewhere inside herself, she understood that she had been very clear about her feelings, and had worked hard to maintain their relationship– at times, even foolishly bended some of her values just to get closer to him. Adrien had been the one to lie, and had always been more apprehensive with his affection, like he was holding back and holding on at the same time. Right now though, Kagami doubted herself. She’d never been the type to, but maybe while she was blinded by her affections for Adrien, she’d lost herself.

Her mother would be disappointed. Kagami hadn’t exactly told her of their relationship, and thinking of the times she did stuff she would disapprove of just to spend time with Adrien, Kagami wasn’t sure if she wanted to. God.

Kagami had been so eager to get closer to Adrien, and latched on as soon as Adrien began to reciprocate her stares, she had acted foolishly hadn’t she?

Her eyes eventually found the window again, but she regretted it as soon as her eyes laid on the glossy dark waters of the San Martin Canal. She saw the green leaves of trees painted on the water’s surface.

Something coiled in her chest.

“Tatsu, stop.”

Suddenly overcome with emotion, Kagami pushed the car door open and exited onto the aligned stone slabs of the sidewalk. The door closed behind her, body facing the canal. A breeze swept Kagami’s bangs out of her face, drying the prickle of tears at the edge of her eyes. She walked closer to the canal and peered at her figure reflected on the water, her hands bunched in her skirt. The water was too far away for any of her features to be distinguishable but she stared at her reflection– her head of dark hair a blob dancing on the canal’s ripples. Her fists slowly unclenched and she lowered herself to the canal’s edge.

As her eyes followed the ripple of the water, Kagami wondered if getting overly self conscious about this break up was what was irrational. Obviously most relationships ended, and she couldn't expect her first lover to be her last. A memory of telling ladybug her and Adrien were meant to be crossed Kagami’s mind. She grimaced, cringing at the memory. Kagami had said it with bold certainty, confident that there was something special between them–an understanding she’d never experienced with anyone else. She hoped that maybe… that would be the case, once Adrien was ready he would apologize and realize what she had long ago. He didn’t trust her now though, so what assured her he ever would. Maybe the wound was too fresh to wonder about the future.

Kagami closed her eyes and felt another gust of wind flutter against her eyelids. She stood back up and began to walk along the canal.

As she walked further and further from Tatsu, she began to realize another issue. Was she going to ignore Adrien? She had told him she didn’t want to stay friends. Adrien’s distrust had stung her deeply– she had, after all, put a lot of energy and time into their relationship, and just returning to their old dynamic felt wrong. Were they just supposed to not acknowledge any of the remaining tension?

Adrien hiding stuff from her would sting regardless of their relationship, she cared very deeply for him– friend or lover. Kagami had to remind herself: don’t waste time and energy on fruitless efforts. If Adrien wasn’t gonna let up, Kagami would stop giving him the time of day. The opportunity to hurt her. She felt justified in her harshness, though Adrien was one of the only friends she’d ever had. Kagami began to wonder if any of this would seem ridiculous to someone more understanding and emotionally intelligent– Kagami admitted she felt short in that regard.

She admittedly was too caught up thinking of ways to figure this out to pay much attention to her surroundings. Mid thought, something slammed into her, or rather she slammed into someone. Kagami stumbled backwards, almost losing her footing but catching herself at the last minute. As soon as she regained her balance she looked up at the offended party to apologize. She was met with a familiar pair of blue bell eyes. Before she could muster up a ‘sorry’, Marinette beat her to it.

“Kagami! I’m so sorry! I was distracted and wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Her face was somewhat obstructed by boxes stacked on her arms- which she noticed were now off center.

“I’m sorry too, Marinette; I was also distracted.”

Marinette readjusted the boxes. “No, it was probably more on me. My limbs seem to have a mind of their own, a lot of people have fallen victim to my clumsiness.” Marinette’s face scrunched embarrassment.

“Well you are the one carrying boxes, I just bypassed pedestrian etiquette in my mindless daydreaming.”

Kagami could make out Marinette’s smile even with the obstruction to her face.

“That’s just like you to think getting distracted is a lapse of ‘pedestrian etiquette’.” She chuckled at Marinette’s phrasing of ‘pedestrian etiquette’. Marinette’s eyes peered at her quizzically.

“Are you alone, Kagami?”

“I am.”

That seemed to confuse Marinette as she looked around Kagami.

“I don’t mean to pry, but why are you walking down the San Martin Canal?”

Kagami looked back to the canal’s waters.

“I suppose...”, She tried to find an excuse as she faced Marinette again, " I thought the walk would be some nice, light exercise.” Marinette raised an eyebrow at her.

“Right after fencing? Shouldn’t you be having a meal?”

She was surprised that Marinette had any knowledge in the dietary guidelines of athletes. She’d never mentioned partaking in any active hobby to Kagami.

“I was just trying it out. ''

Marinette still seemed confused but shrugged and didn’t press further. Kagami’s eyes shifted to the boxes Marinette was still carrying.

“And you? Is there a reason you’re walking down a canal with an armful of boxes?”

Marinette seemed to remember what she was holding as her eyes flickered to the packages in front of her.

“Oh, right. I’m just making a delivery for the bakery.”

Kagami was now the one to question her with a raised eyebrow.

“On foot? With that tall of a stack?”

Her expression turned sheepish. “Bad idea in retrospect, considering my clumsiness and all.”

Kagami couldn’t help but smile. “What if I help you?”

Marinette’s eyes widened. “With my delivery?”

Kagami nodded.

“What about your light exercise?”

“Whether it be going home or making a delivery I’m still walking.”

Marinette’s cheeks pinked. “Oh, uh, guess you’re right.”

She approached Marinette and reached for the top couple of boxes, taking them into her arms and waiting for Marinette to readjust her arms again.

“Okay, it’s only two blocks from here.”

Marinette began to walk and Kagami moved to follow her pace.

“Do you often make deliveries for your parents’ bakery?”

“When they need to be done yeah; it’s my way of helping out.”

Kagami looked at her profile, her pigtails more hastily tied than usual and her cheeks a paler pink than she was used to.

“Have they been keeping you busy?”

“Ah, no more than usual.”

Marinette met her eyes momentarily and Kagami wondered if those were eyebags under her eyes.

“They try not to be too demanding.”

“Really?... Have you been testing lately?”

She saw Marinette turn to her and could almost feel her puzzlement.

“Uh, no?...”

Marinette faced the walkway again.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just haven’t heard from you lately.”

There was a pause.

“I’ve just been caught up in some stuff.”

Kagami sensed she didn’t want to elaborate so she kept her questions to herself.

“Well, It’s nice to see you, even in a somewhat odd situation.”

“I’m glad to see you too.”

Her smile became soft.

“I haven’t seen much of you either, but I understand you’ve also been… busy.”

The silence that followed hung for a second too long. Kagami wasn’t sure how she should interpret that— she’d never explicitly told Marinette about her and Adrien, but they hadn’t really hid their affection. “I…” Kagami sighed. “Yeah, I have been distracted with other… stuff.”

The silence continued and Kagami considered even noting the weather to fill it. Before she could stew in the silence any longer, Marinette cut through it with a boldness she wasn’t accustomed to seeing from her.

“How are things with Adrien?”

Kagami suddenly felt very insecure and the packages of pastries in her arms felt heavier.

“We weren’t very subtle were we?”

Marinette considered her question.

“You two have been getting pretty chummy for a while.”

“... I can see what you mean.”

“You know, it’s okay. I just really hope you don’t drop me, so you guys better not stop hanging out with me.”

Marinette’s attempt at lightening the mood was stunted by the tension. Kagami was too preoccupied with finding the right response to care.

“Well, of course, I wouldn’t abandon our relationship for Adrien.”

Kagami was too consumed in her nerves to notice the change in tone of Marinette’s silence.

“You don’t have to worry about my schedule being full though.”

Marinette laughed.

“Kagami, it’s natural for couples to spend a lot of time together, you don’t have to make time you don’t have for me. Don’t worry, I have other people I can get orange juice with.” She swallowed.

“I don’t doubt you do.”

They approached a crossroad and Marinette turned, Kagami following after her. She let it out before she decided against it.

“What I meant to say, is that you don’t have to worry about my schedule being full anymore.”

Marinette stopped abruptly but Kagami expected it. Her expression was hard to decipher.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that”, Kagami stepped closer to her. “Adrien’s no longer going to be taking up my time.”

Marinette’s eyebrows slowly furrowed, she searched her face and Kagami hoped Marinette couldn’t make out her insecurity.

“You…”

“We did.”

She faced forward once again. “It’s been the case for all of a half an hour.”

“Oh, God, Kagami, I’m so sorry.”

Kagami turned to shoot her a frown. Marinette shut her mouth before she could begin her rambling. She might not be feeling like herself but she still wasn’t below taking her pity.

“Obviously I’m still processing but quite honestly, the break up actually happened last night.”

“Oh.”

“I won’t need to see him until our next fencing lesson so I’ll have time to figure something out.”

They finally continued to walk.

“I mean, I bet Adrien will make an effort to keep things friendly.”

“That’s exactly what I fear.”

“What do you mean?”

Kagami kept her eyes forward. “I’m not planning on keeping our relationship as friendly as it was before.”

She hoped she didn’t sound bitter.

“That bad, huh?”

“Adrien made his decisions so I made mine.”

Kagami definitely sounded bitter.

“Well, then I guess you should start making time for another juice date.”

Marinette’s smile felt reassuring. She slowed down and stopped in front of a pair of glass doors. Kagami could make out a lobby from the large windows on either side.

“We’re here by the way.”

Kagami went ahead and opened one of the doors, holding it for Marinette who had the taller stack of boxes. Marinette allowed her act of chivalry and entered, Kagami following behind her. She looked around the lobby as Marinette advanced to the front desk, eyeing the cushions taking up most of the room, and wondering who had thought buying several loveseats for such a small lobby was a good idea. Marinette returned before Kagami could criticize the internal design further.

“Okay, we should be able to just go up and knock on the door.”

They made their way to the elevator and Marinette pressed the button to the fourth floor. They stood in silence for a few seconds.

“It wasn’t just me that noticed the disgusting orange loveseats was it?” Kagami smirked “I also noticed their incompatibility with the room, though I was more worried with the amount of floor plan they took up.” Marinette scoffed, “More like incompatibility with my eyes.”

This time Kagami actually laughed. The elevator doors opened and they made their way into a hallway lined with numbered doors.

“Okay, I think it was apartment 127.”

They scanned the doors until finding it: apartment 127. Kagami knocked and they waited for an answer. Kagami could hear the muted sound of rock music and laughter. Finally, the door’s handle shook and the door swung open. A short woman with brown hair dyed red stood at the entrance, her eyes taking them and their armful of boxes in.

“Oh, the pastries are here!” The woman pushed the door open further, and turned her head to the apartment.

“Arthur! Come help me with the pastries.” The woman turned back to them “Sorry, lovelies, I’ll get those off ya in a sec.” A man poked his head before joining the four of them at the entrance. He was significantly taller than the woman but had the same red hair.

“Those smell good”, he grinned.

“I can assure they taste just as good”, Marinette responded, sugar sweet, in what Kagami guessed was her customer service voice. The woman and man reached out and took the boxes from them and Kagami was glad to have the weight off her arms. She stretched them out as the woman looked through her wallet and placed some bills in Marinette’s hands. “Thank you, have a nice day, ma’am.”

“Have a nice day too, ladies.”

Marinette smiled at them as they closed the door. Then she also stretched her arms with a sigh. “Okay, let’s go.”

They entered the elevator, returned to the lobby, and then exited the apartment complex.

Marinette turned to her. “Thank you so much, Kagami, people don’t tend to order so much so it was probably for the best I ran into you.”

“It wasn’t a bother,” she could feel the smile on her lips, “It was also nice to catch up with you.”

Marinette grinned at her. “Well, I guess I’ll see you at another time. You should probably call Tatsu, you’ve had enough exercise for today.”

“Oh, are you my trainer, Marinette?”

“I’m your friend, so I’m more important.”

Kagami couldn’t argue with that. An idea popped into her brain and she pursed her lips.

“Let me walk you home, Marinette.”

Marinette blinked at her.

“Walk me home?”

“Yes.” She nodded awkwardly, “Walk you home.”

“Shouldn't you be home by now?”

That made Kagami pause— it was true her mother would figure out her absence pretty soon.

“It’s fine, I’ll just text my mother.”

“But you must be tired, I really wasn’t kidding about the exercise thing.”

Kagami disliked when people coddled her, but Marinette’s worry did actually make her feel cared for.

“I’ll be fine, Marinette, I always make sure to carry extra protein bars in my bag.”

Kagami paused and furrowed her brows. “That is unless you’d rather walk home alone, I’m sorry if my request was brash.”

Marinette shook her hands. “No, no, I just didn’t want you to over exert yourself. I know you always give it your all at your fencing practices.”

While Kagami had had a tiring day, Marinette’s company has helped both the ache of her muscles and her chest.

“I’m not that tired, besides,” Kagami moved to stand beside her, “we haven’t talked about our juice date.” She was rewarded with a bright smile.

“Okay, fine, if you’re sure.” Marinette began to walk and Kagami was right beside her.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to ask you where in the world you found a red lamé?”

“Well, Marinette, I pride myself in my dedication.”

They fell into step with each other, letting the conversation flow naturally. As they made their way through the streets of Paris, Kagami listened intently to Marinette’s rambling about old fabric dyeing techniques she’d been looking into. They finally found their way to Marinette’s doorstep and they waved each other goodbye.

She was aware she might return home to a lecture, but as Kagami saw Marinette enter her home, she recognized she felt better.

--------

Marinette rested her back on a chimney, her eyes raking over the other rooftops, waiting for an unexpected attack to pop out of them at any second. Chat was similarly seated next to her, though he didn’t seem quite as on edge as Marinette felt.

Now that the duo had to worry about Shadow Moth, Marinette felt like she was on edge as soon as she transformed. Chat sensed her unease, and regularly attempted to ease her tension with a lighthearted joke. Marinette appreciated his efforts, but she also didn’t want to be distracted —just in case.

She drummed her fingers on her lap and wondered if maybe they should move to a higher vantage point. Maybe they should start making their patrols more active, circling the whole city instead of just moving to a few locations and watching. If there was going to be an akumatization tonight, Marinette hoped it would appear already. Now that she had a gaggle of kwamis to look after, Marinette’s responsibilities seemed to have doubled. She really couldn’t slack off in her schoolwork, or her duties as class rep, or her obligations to the bakery— she knew wedding season was coming up so her parents were going to really need her help. That wasn’t even mentioning all of the personal issues Marinette didn’t know how to tackle. She seemed to have been able to keep a low radar so far, but any second now her friends would figure out the earlier day’s events.

Marinette really didn’t want to think about Juleka’s reaction.

Marinette’s thrumming speed up.

Chat must have seen the anxious twitch of her fingers. “You know, it’s getting late, there probably won’t be any trouble tonight.”

Her eyes flickered to the blonde. “We haven’t checked the south-eastern side of the city.”

“I can go check on my way home.”

Marinette thought about protesting, but she could make out the worry etched onto the line of his eyebrows. His mop of hair caught her eye, messier than she was usd to— almost like it was drooping. She wondered if she wasn’t the only one having a hard time.

“You go to school so you should probably get home and rest.”

“You also go to school”, Marinette noted.

Chat’s replying chuckle felt empty.

“I’m not going to be sleeping anytime soon .” Marinette hoped it wasn’t defeat what she heard in his voice. She regarded his usually vibrant eyes, now dulled with an exhaustion Marinette could recognize.

“You too huh?”

Chat broke eye contact to look out at the Paris scenery. Marinette did the same, gazing at the endless darkness of the sky.

“It’s been a hard week.”

She could only hum in agreement.

Her suit protected her from the cold, but Marinette’s face felt icy in the night’s dropping temperature.

“Is it a personal problem?”

“Well, I think Shadow Moth has both of us on edge, but mostly yeah.”

Chat fiddled with the cuffs of his gloves. She’d always been a proponent of keeping everything private, only revealing what was necessary, but something about Chat’s frown bothered Marinette.

“I can listen.”

Chat’s head shot up, his expression one of surprise. Marinette tried to convey comfort through her own expression. “Really?”

“As long as you keep it vague. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

His responding smile was small, but Marinette was glad for it nonetheless.

“Well, um, okay.”

Marinette relaxed against the chimney and Chat changed his posture to face her more.

“I started seeing someone recently.”

Marinette’s eyes widened but she kept quiet.

“We were friends beforehand and I realized I liked her, so I thought it would be a good idea.” Chat exhaled. “I’m Chat Noir though, so we couldn’t keep it up.”

Understanding washed over her.

“She was pretty upset, and now… she told me she no longer wanted to have any type of relationship.”

Chat’s eyes stared at the ground(rooftop rather.) Marinette reached for him without thinking. Chat looked at the hand she placed on his shoulder, and then at her. His eyes told her he received the message:

I understand

She leaned in and hugged him. They sat like that for a few seconds, enjoying each other’s warmth, before they separated.

“I think you’re right. We should go home.”

Chat nodded and they both stood up, still facing each other.

“Chat… I know we can’t exactly hang out, but you’re my friend, so if you need anything...”

Chat nodded.

“Thank you, ladybug.”

They shared a smile before going their separate ways.

--------

Marinette was later than usual. The classroom’s tone felt different than yesterday, and Marinette read it immediately. She apologized and took her seat, trying not to meet anyone’s eyes. She could feel Alya’s on her all hour though, but she kept her eyes forward. All of her attention was focused on Mme. Bustier, Marinette throwing herself into the coursework to try and ignore the impending questions. The scratch of graphite on paper worked as a background to Mme. Bustier’s voice, and it did a good job at keeping Marinette’s mind occupied with work.

So much so that Marinette almost didn’t hear the bell.

She stared through the paper in front of her, her fingers tightening around the pencil in her hand. She could feel more eyes on her now.

Recognizing that she could no longer ignore Alya, Marinette picked herself up from her hunched posture and turned to her. Like she predicted, Alya was looking right at her. She didn’t attempt to decode the emotions in the hazel of Alya’s eyes.

She stood up and Marinette knew to follow. Mylène, Rose, Alix, and Juleka were behind them as they made their way out of the classroom. Alya stopped next to a bench and sent Marinette a look, communicating to her that she should sit down. Marinette complied. She studied Alya’s face, and Marinette disliked that the tension in it looked more like worry than displeasure— Marinette didn’t want to lie to Alya when she was looking at her with concern. Alya sighed and she sat beside her, the other girls sitting around them. Marinette thrummed her fingers, waiting for Alya’s words.

She directed them at Alix though.

“Alix, would you like to tell Marinette what you told me?”

Alix met eyes with Marinette before facing Alya. “Recently I heard something from Mylène about Marinette.”

She blew a bubble with her bubblegum and it’s pop unsettled Marinette.

“I think she knows what I’m talking about.”

Marinette sighed before rubbing her arms self consciously. She looked around at their faces— they were waiting for her but Marinette didn’t know what to tell them. She remembered the walk she’d had with Kagami some days ago. Kagami had noticed her exhaustion so soon, she could only wonder how long it must have taken her best friend.

“Do you not want to tell us what happened?”

“Um, no, no, I just… It’s just complicated, I’m not sure I’m even done processing what happened.”

Alya placed a hand on her shoulder. They all understood.

“I, well. I’ll tell you.”

Marinette took a deep breath and tried to work out what parts she had to modify.

“You guys know I’ve had feelings for Adrien all year. For months I’ve had this giant crush on him.” He heard some hums of agreement.

“These past few months I’ve actually begun to talk to him, and for a while now we’ve been friends. Somewhere during that time, I started to get to know different sides of Adrien, and my feelings deepened. I began to think that maybe he could actually like me back. I felt like we were finally connecting... But I think I’ve slowly come to realize that Adrien doesn't think about me like that.” Marinette could hear her voice lowering so she coughed and looked up. “I had to come to terms that Adrien liked someone else, loved someone else.” She tried not to think about Kagami’s words.

“Luka, he was always so sweet. With Adrien, I felt like this spluttering blubbering mess.” She sighed. “No wonder he didn’t like me back, all of my clumsiness gets turned up to a hundred around him. Even once my stuttering calmed down somewhat as we became closer, I feel like a mess around him even now.”

Alya scoffed like she’d been the one to be insulted.

“Marinette, you’re so incredibly smart and clever. You’re also kind and you don’t hesitate to help others. If Adrien hasn’t realized that yet then that’s not your fault.” She tried not to think about how Adrien was all of those things, but more. Or how Kagami was also all of those things, but yet they still…

Marinette didn’t let herself dwell on it.

“That’s something Luka would have told me.”

Alya fell silent.

“Luka made me feel like I could just be. It was easy to talk to him, and when he told me he had feelings for me… I felt like maybe we could work.”

Her eyes flickered to Juleka, but her expression hadn’t changed much.

“My feelings for Adrien were hard to ignore though. I think Luka could tell.”

“I really did like Luka. I just, I feel like I got him caught up in my emotional mess and hurt him.”

Marinette stopped thrumming her fingers and dug them into the fabric of her pants. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys. I’ve been busy and I haven’t been able to reflect on the break up yet.” Marinette looked around all of them, their faces sympathetic.

Rose stood up and wrapped her arms around Marinette. She pulled back and Marinette could see tears rimming her eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize to us, Marinette.”

“Yeah, it sounds like you’ve been having a rough time”, Mylène piped up.

Alya’s hand slid from her shoulder to her back. Marinette appreciated the act of comfort.

“Thank you guys, for being understanding. I just need some time.”

“Of course, Mari, just tell us if you need some hang out buddies to turn your brain off with.” Alix didn’t join them in their huddle around the bench, but her smile was softer than her usual smirk.

“Of course”, Marinette grinned, she could feel the mood lifting. “If any of you would like to get your butts kicked in Ultimate Mecha Strike III, you know who you can call.”

Rose and Mylène giggled, parting from Marinette so she could look up at them better. Marinette couldn’t tell them everything but she genuinely felt her mood lift.

The bell rang.

Marinette felt like now she could scratch that off her list of things to worry about.

She was about to stand up as the other girls smiled and made their way back when she turned to Alya. She was staring at her intensely, like she was analyzing Marinette.

“Uh, Alya? We should make our way back.”

Alya continued to stare at Marinette. Marinette swallowed and clutched the edge of the bench. Finally, Alya crossed her arms and stood up. She didn’t move to make their way back though.

“Alya, we’re going to be late.”

“You’re still hiding something.”

Marinette’s mouth shut. Alya just continued to bore holes through her.

“H-Hiding something?”

“Luka knew you were in love with Adrien since before. He would have been fine with waiting for you to get over him.”

“But I couldn't, okay. I was hurting him and we couldn’t-”

“Marinette, I’m your best friend, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

Marinette wanted to say she couldn’t actually. She bunched her fist in her jacket instead.

“If this is about me not being the one to tell you, I already apologized. I really am sorry, but I just wasn't in the right headspace.”

“When you’re not in the right headspace your emotions tend to spill over. You’re not the type to stew in your feelings.” Marinette narrowed her eyes at her, annoyed at how factual she’d made it sound.

“Don’t act like you know everything about me, Alya.”

Alya’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Marinette swallowed.

“I mean…” She sighed.

“Again, I’m not in the right headspace. Let’s just go to class.” Marinette left and didn’t look back to see if Alya followed.

--------

After class, Marinette shot some smiles at the girls. She apologized to Alya but she could tell she wanted to press further. She left before Alya could protest.

Marinette entered the bakery and greeted her parents, masking her mood with a bright smile.

“Hey Maman, hey Papa.”

“Hello, sweet buns. How was your day?”

Marinette circled the counter and joined them behind it.

“It was alright. Mme. Mendeleive started rambling about this guy called Louis Le Prince near the end of class. It was hard to follow but apparently he invented the camera before Eddison.”

Her mom smiled fondly at her.

“I didn’t know that. I hope that means she didn’t assign you any homework.”

They smirked at each other.

“You’d be right, Maman.”

Marinette didn’t say she was slightly disappointed about it. Her mind needed a distraction. And almost like she’d read her mind, her mother perked up, her expression somewhat sheepish.

“Would you be a dear and help us out with an order for waffle cookies. Me and papa are working on decorating a wedding cake.”

Marinette grinned at her mother.

“Of course, Maman.”

Her mother informed her of the specifics for the order before making her way back to her husband.

Marinette set her bag down on a corner and rolled up her sleeves, plugging in her headphones before reaching for the bottles of ingredients and bowls she would need. She scrolled through her Jagged Stone playlist as she plugged in the waffle iron, once finally settling on an album, stuffing her phone in her back pocket as she found her way back to the table. Marinette tried to get lost in the mindless task of measuring and mixing, making sure to be very meticulous so her mind could only focus on teaspoons of vanilla and cups of flour. These tasks were second nature to her anyway though, so eventually her mind wandered.

Marinette hoped that she’d be able to smooth things over with Alya tomorrow, but she knew how stubborn she could be— Alya wouldn’t stop questioning Marinette. Marinette was so tired of the lies. She’d been lying to Alya almost the entirety of their friendship, and Marinette hated that she was getting better at it. She could just continue to lie to her, it was probably what she would end up doing, but what if Marinette didn’t? What if she just told her the truth.

Marinette fumbled with the mixer before pouring her mixture of ingredients onto the mixing bowl. The sound of the mixer competed with the loud music of her headphones, but more thoughts kept crawling into her mind.

Marinette would admit that at times she wished she didn’t have to. It would be so nice to confide in someone who understood what being a highschooler was like, and who also had some experience with the whole superhero thing. The danger was obvious though. She’d be putting Alya’s security at risk, and hers as well of course. So much was at stake so she couldn’t even entertain the thought. That the weight of being Paris’ greatest superhero while being a seventeen year old high schooler was finally dawning on her.

The mixture of ingredients quickly turned into dough, and she began to scoop up balls of it with her fingers, morphing them into walnut sized balls.

How could Marinette be Marinette when she had to be ladybug? She had dreams she was trying to pursue, as well as responsibilities as a student and daughter. However, she also had a duty to Paris to protect its people. The reality was one she couldn’t afford to forget. These days it felt like she had to be ladybug more and more, her persona bleeding into her everyday. Maybe it was all the hiding and lying that was slowly becoming part of her personality.

Her fingers dug into the dough a bit too hard and ended up making a hole through the ball of dough. She sighed at the tiny doughnut in her hands before reshaping it.

Trust was such an important part of relationships but there was no one Marinette could trust with her secret. And as ladybug continued to dominate her life, Marinette felt as if she’d never be able to invest herself fully in one. Marinette couldn’t giver herself whole if she had to hide half of herself.

She began to line the dough balls, checking the waffle iron.

Marinette hoped she’d be allowed to just be her soon enough. She could dedicate all her time to progressing in her aspirations, accomplishing her responsibilities, and maintaining her relationships.

She sprayed the waffle iron with cooking spray.

Leaving ladybug ...meant leaving Chat Noir too though.

Her eyes studied the dots of cooking spray on the iron.

Fingers pressed into the dough as she placed them along the iron. She lowered the lid slowly.

Maybe… just maybe, they’d find each other after.

The smell of the cookies crisping began to waft over her, Marinette leaned against the table, propping her arms on the surface and closing her eyes as she focused on the smell. The kitchen was warm, and she could hear a bit of the tune her Maman was humming through her headphones. Jagged Stone’s guitar began to quiet down.

It could be that they would never see each other again after that.

Her gaze dropped to her hands, knuckles white with flour and fingertips sticky with residue dough. Her left thumb reached for her right hand and she began to fidget with her ring finger. How did Chat’s miraculous look when he wasn’t transformed? Marinette wondered if she’d be able to recognize it. After all, she doubted anyone would be able to recognize her superheroine persona shining through her fumbling civilian identity. Was Chat just as exuberant in real life? Her mind pondered what kind of teenager Chat would be like. He probably had a lot of friends, and he was probably a bit of an attention seeker. Marinette’s face softened. She bet he was insufferably kind. His friends were very lucky, they could enjoy being Chat’s friends without the weight of thousands of people’s lives on their shoulders. If they met without the masks, would they be friends?

She flattened her hands against the table, tracing circles with her fingers on the flour dusting it. The next song on her playlist began to start. The sweet smell of the cookies continued to fill her nose.

Actually…

Marinette sniffed the air.

“Eek-”

She tried to find the timer somewhere, realizing she hadn’t even taken it out. Scrambling to lift the waffle iron lid’s, Marinette bumped into the table, her hip bone knocking against the table’s edge. She yelped and clutched her hip. Too late, Marinette realized the uncapped vanilla extract bottle. She tried to stop its fall but the bottle tumbled and knocked against a bowl before falling on its side. The dark liquid spilled onto the wood immediately, and Marinette panicked as it pooled around bowls.

“Marinette?”

She only responded with a strained chuckle as she lifted the bottle off the table and regarded the pool of vanilla. “Sorry, I just spilled some extract.”

Her mother glanced from the wedding cake.

“Oh, honey, clean it up before it stains too badly.”

Marinette nodded and rushed to find some paper towels to absorb the extract. She pushed the bowls out of the way and pressed the paper towels onto the table, the white paper quickly turning dark even as the pool of liquid disappeared. Her eyes scanned the room for a rag as she replaced the paper towels. Her hands reached for the nearest one and took it, scrubbing at the surface, praying that the stain would lighten if she placed it next to a window. Suddenly, Marinette remembered what her original plan was as the air turned bitter. Her hands fumbled to open the waffle iron, revealing the now overly brown cookies. She plucked them off the iron and placed them on a cooling rack. As she reached for the last one, her pinky brushed against the hot metal and she hissed, biting her lip and scowling as she rubbed at the burn.

“Today is not my day”, Marinette mumbled.

Her mother shot a glance in her direction again, her brows painted with concern. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine, Maman, just a little burn.” Marinette sighed. “I’ll be right back.”

She left her parents in the bakery, climbing the stairs to her home. She pushed the door open with her body and found her way into the bathroom. Marinette opened the faucet and slid her red pinky over the cool water. The change in temperature helped the pain and she exhaled deeply.

Her eyes found her reflection on the mirror and she couldn’t help but scowl. She’d been donning a ‘finals week’ kinda tired on her face– cheeks pale, eyebags deep, and pigtails almost coming undone– but now she also had flour dusting it. She couldn’t wait for this week to end. It was still the middle of the week though, so Marinette guessed she’d need to work extra hard to make it speed by. Her other hand found the faucet and closed it. The towel bothered her skin as she toweled her hands dry, but she hoped it would calm down soon enough. She made her way out of the bathroom, and turned to the kitchen. Swinging the cooler open and scanning its interior, Marinette took a napkin and plucked an ice cube off the ice rack. She closed the cooler before swinging her body onto the counter— her Maman wasn’t here so no one had to know.

The ice was a bit harsh on the burn, but Marinette was looking to numb the pain so she pressed tightly against her pinky. A quiet chuckle passed through her lips. It’d be neat if she could have some numbing ice for other aspects of herself. As she jokingly wondered how that’d work, she realized her mother was calling out to her.

“Marinette!”

She blinked at her Maman’s voice but made her way to the stairs, poking her head down to the bakery.

“Yes, Maman?” Her mother appeared from around the corner.

“There’s a girl here asking for you, honey.”

Panic rose up her throat. Was it Alya? Marinette wasn’t ready to confront her, and she needed time to come up with something to feed to her.

“She brought you some orange juice.”

Marinette frowned at her mother. Orange juice?

Tension left her face.

Her Maman knew Alya pretty well, so Marinette supposed it’d be weird of her not to just tell her it was Alya. Making her ways down the steps, Marinette looked around the bakery. A blue bob and white jacket was the first thing she registered.

“Kagami?”

The girl was standing somewhat awkwardly in front of the counter, two plastic cups in her hands.

“Good afternoon, Marinette.” Kagami’s greeting smile was stiff on her face.

“Hey, Kagami.” Marinette responded simply, she walked towards her, and weaved around the counter. She swept her hand over her cheeks.

“Sorry I was just baking.”

“You look fine, Marinette.”

“Really? I remember a few days ago you mentioned I looked pretty bad.”

“Well, you do look tired.”

Marinette shook her head. “I can’t argue with you on that.”

The logo on the plastic cups Kagami was carrying was familiar.

“So did you just drop by to give me orange juice?”

Kagami brought the cups up to her chest. “Well”, Kagami shifted her weight from one foot onto the other, “I was hoping you’d have some with me.”

“Oh”

“Then in that case.” Marinette turned to her parents, who were probably already listening,

“Can I finish the cookies later?”

“Sure, honey, just cover the dough up.”

Marinette nodded and signaled Kagami to follow her. They walked past the counter and into the actual bakery, Marinette took some wide plates and lined the dough balls on them. She took some seran wrap and covered them, setting them off to the side. She swept her hands together to shake off any remaining flour and turned to Kagami.

“Okay, follow me.”

She led her around the corner and to the stairs. Kagami glanced around.

“So this is what leads to your actual home?”

She followed Marinette up the steps.

“Yep. The first floor is just the bakery.”

She pushed the door open and moved to let Kagami in first. Kagami took her home in. The white couch decorated with throw pillows; the kitchen with their bright blue refrigerator; the three windows spilling sunlight through grey curtains. Marinette closed the door behind them. Kagami stepped into the kitchen, her eyes roaming over the fridge. Marinette joined her.

“Weird color for a home appliance, right?”

Kagami glanced back at her, but reached her hands up to a photo on the cooler’s door, her fingertips grazing it.

“Is this a relative of yours?”

Marinette glanced at what she was looking at. The photo was a few years old, Marinette was sprawled out on the couch that was currently right behind them. A teenage boy leaning on said couch was teasing Marinette with a feather. Her face was scrunched up as said boy tickled it with the feather. They were both grinning though.

“Oh.” Marinette smiled at the picture. “That’s my older brother actually.”

Kagami’s brow questioned her, surprise evident on her face. “I wasn’t aware you had a brother.”

“Yeah, I guess I don’t talk about him enough. His name is Anthony.”

“Does he live here?”

“Oh, no, he’s studying abroad right now. He wasn’t able to come during Christmas but he’ll be here during the summer.”

Kagami seemed to mull over this information. She kept her eyes on the photo. “What was it like?” Marinette looked at her quizzically. “ Growing up with a sibling, I mean”, She clarified.

Marinette snorted. “Annoying, no one else knows how to tick you off like a sibling.” She wiggled her fingers as she presented the picture. “Exhibit here.”

“Really? I don’t know if that sound… enjoyable.”

“Pfft, well growing up with siblings is definitely pretty bothersome.” Marinette nodded at her own comment. “Sometimes it's funny but being so close to someone before gaining any sense of maturity comes with annoying downfalls.”

“People have told me it’s sad I don’t have any siblings though.”

Marinette couldn’t read Kagami’s expression.

“That’s kinda rude of them.”

Kagami smiled at her response.

“I’ve always thought so too.” She set the orange juice on the nearest surface. “But I guess I wonder if siblings are worth all of their hype.”

Marinette thought about her brother. It’d been a while since he’d last seen him, and she’d never admit to it to him, but sometimes his absence made her home feel empty.

“It’s also really nice, having someone to grow up with. I get why they might have said that.” She shrugged. “It’s a unique bond.”

“So do you miss you brother?”

“Ugh, well it’s a pain to admit but yeah.”

Kagami smirked in amusement. Marinette reached for the orange juice Kagami had brought. “I didn’t know they had such cute to go cups.” Kagami took the other cup and followed Marinette as she made her way to the counter in the kitchen, each of them taking a seat.

“You're the type to always notice design.” It wasn't a question.

“Well I might specialize in fashion designing, but if something is cute then I’ll notice.” Marinette brought the straw up to her mouth. The orange juice was refreshing and Marinette humed against the straw in contentment. Kagami smiled at her drink as well.

“I love orange juice, but is there a specific reason you’re here?”

Kagami parted her mouth from the juice and shrugged. “I suppose we never actually set a date for that orange juice date.”

“Hmm, are you maybe trying to make time up with me?”

“Well I did want to see you.”

“I’m flattered by your honesty. But I bet you also wanted to see what a bakery-home was like.”

Kagami looked around the room again instead of responding.

“Your house is so small.”

“Oh, gee, I know it's no mansion.”

“No, I didn’t mean it in a degrading way.” Kagami’s eyes flitted to a particular tiger shaped pillow on the coach. It was an old comfort toy of Marinette. “It’s homely, and warm.”

“Well it is right above a bakery”, Marinette pointed out.

“It does smell of baked goods.”

“Come on Sunday mornings. Last week I woke up to lemon-berry savarin and palmier pastries.”

“Should I come every Sunday to guess the pastry of the week?”

“You're invited to taste it too.”

They both laughed.

“I can’t promise I’d be awake to greet you, Sundays are one of my holy sleeping-in days.”

“I see you value your sleep.”

“You could say that. Like you’ve noticed though, I look like a mess when I don’t get enough of it.” Kagami didn’t respond for a second.

“So you haven’t been getting much sleep?”

“Oh, ah”, Marinette laughed awkwardly. “No, spose I haven’t.”

“You have a lot of responsibilities.”

“That I do.” Marinette chewed on the straw of her juice.

“Thank you for coming actually, I’ve been having an off day.”

“Rough week?”

“Pretty much.”

They sat in a comfortable silence as their juice slowly disappeared. Marinette noted that Kagami looked better than she had the last time they’d met. Part of her wanted to ask how that whole thing was going for her, but did she actually want to know?

“So”, Kagami broke the silence first. “You make deliveries but you also bake?”

“Of course, what kind of baker’s daughter do you take me for?”

“Do your parents expect you to take on the bakery someday?” Marinette opened her mouth but then swallowed.

“They understand I have a dream for designing, but we still haven’t figured it out. They really want to keep the bakery alive.”

“Sorry, it seems like a complicated subject.”

“It is, but it’s okay.” Marinette slurped the last of her orange juice and set her cup down. “It really is okay though, a discussion for the future. Like you said, I have enough on my plate at the moment.” Kagami also finished her drink

“Well I hope the bakery stays open until next Sunday, I want to try the pastry of the week.”

Marinette giggled. “I’ll make sure to make you something special.”

“Do many people get the pleasure of tasting your baking?”

“Some lucky souls out there in Paris.”

“I trust you’re good then.”

“Well I think my baking is plenty tasty, I’m just a clutz.”

“So your clumsiness doesn't interfere with the taste?”

“No, it just endangers my safety, as well as anyone’s in a three meter radius”, Marinette sighed.

“I do read you as accident prone.”

“Don’t laugh but actually I stained the work table with vanilla extract and burned my pinky only a few minutes before you came.”

Kagami’s brows rose in surprise.

“Wow, really?”

“Yep”, Marinette grumbled, lifting her right hand up. It wasn’t so distinct anymore but her finger was still red. Kagami noticed.

“I see, does it still hurt?”

“Not really, I mean it’s not fun getting burned but I have thick skin so it’s okay.”

Kagami paused and looked at her, confused. “Thick skin?”

“I’ve been pricking my fingers with needles for years, scaring has made my skin thicker and less sensitive.”

“Oh, I had no idea.”

“Yeah, sometimes I get quite insecure about it. I don’t think a guy would appreciate holding hands with me. Girls are supposed to have soft skin or whatever.”

“I know what you mean, fencing has made me build my own callouses.”

“Oh that’s right, your fence training must have done a similar number on your hands.”

Kagami nodded holding her palms out on the countertop. “I have a similar insecurity.” Marinette gazed at her hands, she could make out the callouses. She leaned closer to Kagami, placing her left hand on the countertop too.

“May I?”

Kagami’s dark eyes considered her, her bangs almost completely covering her eyebrows— It made it hard at times to decipher her expression— said bangs bounced as Kagami nodded. Marinette moved her eyes from Kagami to her palms. She lifted her left hand, her knuckles grazing the cool countertop as it approached Kagami’s. Their skin touched, marinette’s index finger grazing Kagami’s pinky. Her touch was tentative as she brushed her fingertips over Kagami’s fingers and against the inside of Kagami’s hand. It was unexpectedly cool. Just like Kagami had said, the skin along her palm’s crease was distinctly tough and one could only wonder the years of training needed to result in such callouses. She studied Kagami’s hand. Her palm was more plush than her own, but her fingers were bonier, and they also had a yellow undertone that darkened around the edges of her hands and turned into the warm color of the rest of her body. Marinette found this information oddly fascinating.

Her eyes flitted to Kagami’s face. Her gaze was on Marinette’s fingers, and Marinette realized that she was caressing Kagami’s palm. She flushed and retracted her hand, drumming her fingers on the countertop.

“Um, your hands are pretty nice actually.”

Kagami’s hands curled into loose fists.

“They aren’t soft though.”

“No, but anyone can tell that your skin’s texture is the product of hours of hard work.”

Kagami didn’t respond, but Marinette could make out a whisper of a smile on her lips.

“They, uh, they’re cool too.. Nice and cool.” Marinette swallowed, embarrassed she’d actually said that. Kagami blinked at her and Marinette hoped she hadn’t made it weird.

“Your’s are warm.”

Marinette stopped her drumming.

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Baker’s daughter thing again?”

Marinette chuckled and looked at her own hands now. “Yep, exactly.” She ran her right thumb along the base of her left thumb. Her skin had more of a pink undertone which she knew she’d inherited from her papa. Marinette wondered if both of Kagami’s parents had warm undertones. She glimpsed in Kagami’s direction. Her eyes were on the countertop, somewhat hidden behind her bangs. Marinette realized how little she actually knew of Kagami. They hadn’t been friends for that long so maybe that was obvious. Was it one of those rich kid-strict parents thing?

A ringing broke her train of thought. Kagami sat up and reached for her pocket, hastily pulling her phone out. A frown pulled on her lips.

“Everything alright? Is your mom calling?”

“Just a text. She wants me to come home now/”

“Oh, do you need to be somewhere?”

“No, it’s just past the time I told her It’d be here.”

“Why does she need you home then?”

“She doesn't, she just doesn't like it when I don’t stick to my plans.” Kagami returned her phone to her pocket, she could make out her exasperation through her movements.

“You need to leave then.”

“I do. I’ve intruded long enough anyways.”

“Of course you haven’t. But I’ll walk you out.”

Marinette stood up and Kagami followed. They made their way back to the bakery. Kagami nodded her head at her parents, a small bow of her head. “Thank you for letting me come into your home, M. and Mme.Dupain-Cheng.”

“You're always welcome -”

“Kagami”, Marinette offered.

“You're always welcome, Kagami. Have a good night, sweetheart.”

“And you as well.”

They exited the bakery, Tatsu already waiting for her.

“Well, it was nice seeing you. Feel free to come again.”

“I enjoyed talking with you.” Kagami’s smile was warm, her statement genuine.

“Thank you for allowing me to stay.”

Marinette could feel her own smile on her face. She waved as Kagami entered the car and drove off. It was evening by now.

Marinette stood in front of her home. She felt better.

A/N:

It's been a while since I last saw some of the episodes so if anything seems off let me know. I don't know if Anthony will make an appearance but I love the Brother AU so I'm including it. Feedback is appreciated, especially since I don't have any beta readers, point out any mistakes please. -Rey :D

[degenerate-yandere]

Any chance I can get some yandere Caspar headcanons? : " )

Here ya’ go! Hope you guys enjoy! My blog is pretty much just Fe3H rn, but I’m finally workin’ on some bnha requests so expect a lil variety.

A/N: Characters are assumed to be post-timeskip.

TW: Yandere, kidnapping, stalking, slight NSFW, mentions of Ferdinand Von Aegir

Caspar is certified baby, no two ways around that. He’s inexperienced with love and romance and all that weird stuff, the only thing he’s certain of is that being around you makes him super happy!

You make his heart beat like crazy, and he gets all hot and red when he talks to you, making him feel like he’s been doing hours of training. But Caspar loves training though, so it doesn’t bother him. He doesn’t love it quite as much as he loves you though.

He’s kinda like a puppy. He’ll follow you around with a giddy smile, constantly seeking your praise and validation. 

You’re a great motivator for his workouts. He just thinks of you and your pretty face lit up with amazement at all his hard work, and he’ll push himself twice - no - thrice as hard.

And like his physique and stamina, Caspar will see you as something to be obtained with hard work and dedication. He’s just a little... unsure on what exactly he’s supposed to do.

He’ll ask Sylvain about how to approach his little issue, after all he’s had a lot of experience with this stuff, right?

Unfortunately, Caspar is intense. It’s like training; the harder you do it, the more it’ll pay off, right? Did Sylvain say to get to know you? Caspar will stalk you day and night, learning every intricacy of your daily life. Did Sylvain tell him to learn your interests and hobbies? Well, expect a broken lock and a room turned upside down. He’ll learn what books you like, the food you eat, even the clothes you wear (he’ll take a few for himself - just so he doesn’t forget, not so he can put it under his pillow and pretend you’re sleeping there with him, or anything).

It’s also worth noting that things get ugly when he’s jealous. If someone so much as looks at you with a bit too much interest, he might just have to rough them up a little.

And then, the fateful day will come when he believes he’s fully ready to confront you: He’s worked so hard and it’s paid off! He knows everything about you, that’ll show you how much he loves you! He’ll approach you, voice loud in excitement;

“Hey, (Y/n)! I love you! Please go out with me!”

You’ll be taken aback, for sure. Caspar will notice your hesitation, and assure you that he really, really does love you! He’ll list off facts and tidbits about you, the mannerisms he adores so much, the cute way you sleep, how nice all your clothes smell...

If you’re sane, you’ll be absolutely mortified. How the fuck does he know any of this? You’ll shake your head, apologizing but warning him to stay away from you. It feels like you’ve been betrayed; you cherished your friendship with Caspar, but now you don’t know what to think of him.

Before you can walk away, he’ll have you in a choke hold, your vision blurring into stars as you struggle to breathe.

“I’m really sorry, (Y/n). This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. But don’t worry! I’ll show you how much I love you.”

You’ll wake up in an unfamiliar room, with Caspar sitting across from you with a worried look in his eye. He’ll be overjoyed when he sees you stir.

“Heh, sorry about that (Y/n). I got a little rough back there. I was worried I might’ve -” Caspar just shakes his head and scratches his neck, acting as if this was no more than a dumb accident.

Caspar is hella delusional. He’ll truly believe you love him back. He’ll treat you so kindly - kissing you gently, holding you close when he forces lets you sleep with him, and giving you constant compliments. He’ll refuse to process any signs of your discontent. Trembling? You must be cold, he’ll fetch you a blanket. You cry when he embraces you? Oh, you must just love him so much it overwhelms you!

“I love you so much, (Y/n)! And you love me, right? It’s like we were made for each other.”

Ferdinand

Ferdinand is, in every sense of the word, a noble. A fact he greatly prides himself on. He’s kind of the opposite of Caspar, he knows the world of courtship and customs of chivalry inside out. 

On that day, when the stars align and see fit to bless him, he’ll lay eyes on you. You’re captivating, exceptionally beautiful and stunningly refined. And when he gets to know you; well his infatuation inflates tenfold. To him, you’re perfect in aesthetics and substance. He sees it as his duty, his purpose as a man of honor, to woo you and make you his bride.

To be honest, Ferdinand sort of has a thing for marrying you, sculpting you into the perfect little spouse. It’s low-key a fantasy for him. When he finds himself in the throes of passion, he’ll call out your name with ‘Von Aegir’ in lieu of your actual surname. It never fails to finish him off. He’ll oft find himself daydreaming about you welcoming him into your shared home, greeting him with tender kisses and a cooked meal. What can he say, he finds domesticity very exciting.

But he decides that he’s lived in fantasy for too long; A noble must take initiative!

Expect an exhausting courtship. Ferdinand will be overbearing with sickly-sweet compliments that wax poetic, luxurious gifts that you feel bad for accepting, and constant insistence on joining him for tea or a horse ride.

If he finds himself facing rejection, however, he may feel a little scorned. He showed you nothing but courtesy, and that’s how you repay him?

“If you wish to be uncivilized about this, (Y/n), then it’s time I ought to act accordingly.”

He’ll use every political connection he has to blackmail and threaten you. It’s for your own good, of course. You just insist on being so difficult about it.

In the fantasy world he’s created, he’s the shining knight to rescue you from the troubles of your boring, lowly life.

He’ll force you into a marriage, delighting in just how cute you are as his loyal companion - and he’ll be eager to finally consummate this eternal union.

“It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it, my angel? Von Aegir suits you so well.”

[anarcho-decepticonism]

we fixed hsm

here are our 3 page fanfic plans

Troy & gabriella break up after like a month in college. Gabriella is around people smarter than her for the first time in her life & she’s really struggling & he doesn’t understand what she’s going thru & she realizes that he’s not that empathetic & bad at communicating. She’s single for like a year just adjusting to college & making new friends & figuring out who she is after hs & also not putting her entire identity in her intelligence. She tries out for theater & they’re like “you’re not that good at singing” & she’s like “never mind” bc she liked it because it was with her friends in the first place. She finds community elsewhere & eventually is in a more fulfilling & communicative & mature relationship

Troy is having a lot of trouble bc being a student athlete isn’t enough at FUCKING BERKELEY!!! And he’s having trouble at school. He also isn’t getting lead roles in the theater program bc it’s like. A hobby as opposed to his major/career path. He has to learn to like things without being the best at them & also communicate w people better. He’s no longer super special and the focal point of everything. He immediately tries to rebound by getting a new gf & she realizes right away that he just wants her to love him and pay attention to him and solve his problems and is like “fuck that dude go to therapy”. He goes to the school therapist which sucks but he finds a good therapist & like. Improves as a person lol. He has to think more abt the experiences of others and not need to have everyone love him all the time. He gets a dog -- good for him bc he has to be responsible for the life of something else but also dogs are very affectionate

Sharpay goes to UA & at first loves it bc she’s the star but then is super underwhelmed & depressed. She talks to Ryan and he’s like “you know you can just transfer” and she’s like “wow i’m so smart i’ll just transfer”. After like a semester she transfers to a different school with a good theater program (not Juliard tho). She has a good mentor figure who’s a prof who’s like “your ambition and drive are good things actually especially bc ur a woman and will be told that ur awful & bossy for standing up for yourself.” she makes her first real friend other than her brother (i am So sad) in a theater class-- not someone who worships her but like an actual human connection. Specifically a girl who she respects & doesn’t feel she has to compete with. She has a learning moment when her friend gets the lead role and Sharpay is genuinely proud of her and she realizes she wouldn’t have been suited to that part and that she doesn’t have to be the center of attention all the time. She learns to derive self worth from her love of theater instead of from everyone validating her. Also her friend is goth & tells her that all the pink she wears is bad. They both initially loved the theater bc they wanted to be accepted but learn together that they can just find worth in each other and themselves and their work. Also at one point Sharpay starts dating someone and gets really annoying and her friend is like “you’re being annoying” and they get in a fight and Sharpay is like “i don’t even like him that much but i feel like i have to be in a huge romance relationship (bc of troy and gabriella but also Society)” and this eventually leads to her realizing that she’s a lesbian and also that she has an unhealthy view of relatioships. She goes to therapy (it takes her a really long time to go but once she realizes she gets to talk abt herself she is more willing). Important that she does not date her friend (her emotional support system) but she does eventually get a gf. It takes her a long time to figure out how to be a good girlfriend and that her professional ambitions are different than her personal ambitions (she’s used to treating her relationships like a business instead of a two-sided thing where there needs to be emotional connection and both people being like vulnerable w each other)

Her and Ryan having space from each other where he can shine by himself and she feels like she doesn’t have to upstage him all the time. He feels for a long time that he can’t rely on her bc she’s a mess but eventually he texts her like 16 times in a row abt a person in his program he’s really annoyed at and she’s like “oh my god he’s ruining your show you Have to talk to the director!!!!” and it’s really helpful to just talk it out w her even if he doesn’t take her advice. It’s helpful for him to realize that it is a problem and he’s not overreacting but also that he should not take things to the extremes that Sharpay does lol. He should not poison this person. They eventually fall into a good & more balanced sibling relationship where they can rely on each other for a certain subset of things but they aren’t the only people in each others’ lives

Ryan meets other gay guys at Juliard who tell him that his hats are bad and show him how to dress not like an idiot. They’re like “it’s ok buddy. I know you were the only out guy at your high school but you don’t need to do that”. He’ll like. Do fine in college! He’s like fairly confident in his abilities and identity & good at like. Balancing career & personal life. He’s fine enough at school and doing well in his theater things. He’s charismatic and makes more good friends. He “formally comes out” to his parents in like a big thing. He choreographs it and makes Kelsey write him a song to sing. His parents are like “well we knew that but did you have to make it this much of a thing” and he’s like “yes”. His mom is generally more accepting than his dad and his dad is like “please don’t talk about this to the people at the country club” and he’s like “i… wasn’t? I don’t know these people. They’re your friends”

After college Ryan gets famous before Sharpay does and generally has a good thing going wrt doing choreography for “really important things” (he isn’t public facing)-- he’s good at choreo and also good at working with divas (thanks Sharpay i love u). He gets Sharpay a good role in a thing but he makes a big deal like “I got you an audition i didn’t get u the part u did it all yourself :)” but he totally got her the part lol in that he recommended her. She does a rlly good job tho (obvs) and does well in the spotlight bc she;s actually like. Hardworking and driven and good at musical theater. Her Big Break is in like a movie adaptation of a musical. She’s Glinda when they finally make a Wicked movie. The choreography is really good bc Ryan does it

Taylor tries to become a politician but slowly realizes that her passion for being an activist doesn’t super align with that and figures out that she wants to enact social change without like. Being a part of the system. She has a youtube channel where she talks about social issues and wears her stupid sweater vests & ties. Also she dates someone who likes women. Before she was invested in the public-facing aspect of the relationship and she learns what it means to actually have private moments of caring & how to not follow a stereotypical relationship and instead to do like. What she actually wants to. She’s bi and she dates a woman and enjoys not having societal expectations wrt how relationships are supposed to go. She dates a guy and realizes that a m/f relationship also doesn’t have to conform to societal expectations. Both are super important experiences for her even if neither are “endgame” (i love u matty)

Chad is heartbroken after Troy goes to a different school but tries to hide it/is in denial. He kind of lashes out at people who want to make friends with him and goes into a depression spiral. He eventually snaps out of it when Sharpay (who is still going to UA at this point) is like “what’s your problem?? Anyway i started going to therapy and it helped actually. Toodles!” and he’s like “what the fuck just happened” but he makes an appointment. The first session he’s like “hwatever this is stupid idk why i’m here. Whatever” and the therapist is like “yeah. Okay.” but he eventually opens up and then like. Learns to see himself as not part of a friendship or group/team and see himself as an individual. He gets over Troy, which takes him a while but he does it & we’re proud of him <3 it also takes a while to make friends who he can be emotionally vulnerable around bc he’s never really had that type of relationship before (bc he and troy are very guys being dudes & he like. Wasn’t super close w Taylor as they were p much just a relationship for show). He makes friends w both some guys and girls who aren’t all on the basketball team and has friends from lots of different places. This process takes him like. All of college.

Chad doesn’t date anyone in college and afterwards it’s super awkward bc it’s like the first time he’s actually dating someone. He ran into Ryan and they have a talk where Ryan’s like “you could’ve been my first love but you were never really emotionally available bc u were in love w a straight guy and also not confident in the fact that u are gay. Like that summer was fun but it wasn’t real” and chad is like “oh”. Ryan was like in a serious relationship at that point but didn’t mention it bc he didn’t want to feel like he was rubbing it in lol. And then Chad thinks about things. This is like during a Thanksgiving break while still in college. Chad eventually dates a guy who understands how it’s like. Hard to be gay and figuring out relationships and stuff at different life stages.

Kelsey gets negative feedback for the first time and freaks out but eventually learns that a prof who only gives positive feedback when she deserves it is good actually. She incorporates criticism and starts to write songs that don’t suck. She continues to wear awful outfits. She has a nice girlfriend who also wears awful outfits. They are an awful annoying couple but they’re happy. They do annoying theater kid things

Ms Darbus realizes that it’s bad to force her students to completely write & choreograph their own shows and stops pouring her entire life into high school theater and fixes her problems with her “legal domestic partner” whom she was feuding with

Zeke realizes that he likes Sharpay in the same way he likes celebrities and that isn’t a crush. He makes plenty of friends in college bc everyone loves a guy who brings baked goods to places. He continues doing basketball & baking as hobbies but neither is a career & he finds passion elsewhere. He loves doing whatever he’s currently doing but doesn’t have like a Thing he wants to do forever and it takes him a while to find a forever career. He ends up teaching a variety of classes at community college and is happy doing that but also he might not do that forever. He comes to terms with his “contentment w the transience of life” and is like “if i’m happy doing what i’m doing now then that’s good enough for now”. He serves as a good contrast to all of the super driven people who know exactly where they want to be (gabriella, sharpay, ryan)

We did it. we fixed high school musical

[go-foxes]

01/BASICS

Full Name: Colin Nicholas Jessup Nickname: None Birthday: July 27th Gender: Cis Male Sexual Orientation: Gay Astrological Sign: Leo (Leo I, The Week of Authority). Libra Moon.  Spoken Languages: English Birthplace: Las Vegas, Nevada Relationship Status: Single 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: references to drug abuse, abuse, and prostitution/sexual abuse

02/PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: Brown, usually “artfully tousled” (meaning he spends a lot of time on it but he doesn’t want you to know, but you can totally tell—no one’s hair defies gravity like that all on its own) Eye Color: Blue Face Claim: Maxence Danet-Fauvel Height: 6′0″ Tattoos: None (but considering something trashy, Exy-related, or both) Piercings: None Unique Attributes: Small scar through his left eyebrow, the result of a mugging during his senior year of high school

03/PERSONALITY TRAITS/TYPES

Positive Traits: Charismatic, fun, loyal, adaptable, quick-witted Negative Traits: Manipulative, selfish, jealous, dishonest, impulsive Hobbies/Interests: Exy is the cornerstone that he’s built his life around, the one thing he tried to keep constant in all the years he spent moving around as a child. It wasn’t always possible: some of his schools didn’t have teams, or weren’t willing to let a new kid onto them in the middle of the season, but he was always determined to play. He’s always been an extrovert: that same feeling of always running out of time made it important for him to make an entrance, make a good first impression, and make friends quickly. When it was just him and his mom, and everything that came with that, things like being on an Exy team and being popular in school made him feel normal—something he desperately wanted to be. He loves gossip of all kinds, whether it’s prying into his teammates’ personal lives or collecting random knowledge about celebrities he’ll never meet, he loves being the person who knows things. And though the road was something he both loved and hated—often at the same time—in all the years he spent with his mother, he still has an affinity for exploring new places, bad roadside attractions, and tacky souvenirs. He sleeps better on the team bus than he does in his own bed—after an hour or so of the familiar feeling of wheels underneath him, he’s out.  Major/Minor: Sports Communication Insecurities: Colin has a near-compulsive need to be the center of attention, and to be liked. He tries hard to read people and situations and molds himself to fit them, but then he worries that people only like him because he’s somehow tricked them into it. He tends to feel threatened by other people’s relationships and friendships, and to have an all-or-nothing approach to relationships: if someone doesn’t like him best, then it’s almost like it doesn’t count and they don’t like him at all. He’s intense about people: he wants to find the cracks in their defenses, worm his way underneath, find out what makes them tick. It’s interest, but a selfish kind: he likes feeling like he has power over people, likes being able to predict their reactions. He knows that he’s manipulative, and worries that, deep down, he isn’t a good person, and that if people really know him they won’t like or love him. More than anything, Colin has the urge to make something of himself, to be remembered. Nothing scares him more than the idea that, if he were to disappear tomorrow—as he disappeared from so many schools and so many cities growing up—people would forget about him, that it’d be like he was never there, or like he never existed at all.  Quirks/Eccentricities: He likes to fit himself into small spaces despite his not-so-small size (especially cuddling, he’s the german shepherd who thinks he’s a lapdog), and is extremely touchy-feely with anyone who will put up with it. He has a tendency to take innocuous items from his teammates’ dorm rooms (batteries out of a tv remote, a spoon from the kitchen) just to see if they’ll notice. He really loves knickknacks and assorted kitsch and will make sure to get something from every city they travel to for games, even if it’s just an airport keychain or a mini plastic snowglobe.  MBTI Type: ESFP-T, “The Entertainer” (More so than things though, Entertainers love to pay attention to people. They are talkative, witty, and almost never run out of things to discuss. For people with this personality type, happiness and satisfaction stem from the time they spend with the people they enjoy being with.) Enneagram Type: Type Seven, “The Enthusiast” (Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness.) Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Temperament: Sanguine

04/FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family: Dawn Jessup (Mother), Scott McClain (Father) How do they feel about their family?: Colin didn’t meet his father until he was around ten years old, and hasn’t seen him since he was eleven. His feelings towards his father are uncomplicated contempt: his father was verbally and physically abusive toward Colin’s mother, and occasionally Colin himself, and used Colin as a pawn to attempt to control his mother. His feelings towards his mother are much more complicated. For most of his life, she instilled a belief in him that it was them against the world, and their transitory life prevented him from forming other strong relationships, meaning that Colin felt like she was the only person who really knew, understood, and loved him, a sentiment that she encouraged. His dissatisfaction with their lifestyle, and his anger with her, grew throughout his teen years, and reached a breaking point when she pushed him into prostitution to pay their debts—she argued that it was nothing that she hadn’t done for him in the past, and he tried to believe her and not feel angry and betrayed. His own anger often made him feel selfish: she often told him how much she had suffered for him, struggled for him, that he was older now and it was his turn. He left his mother at eighteen, partially in an effort to leave before all the love he’d felt towards her turned to hatred and keep what good memories he had of her intact. He hasn’t spoken with her since, as they have no means of communication. Though sometimes he considers trying to find her, it’s not an impulse he’s followed through on, and he generally considers those desires a sign of weakness. He feels like, if he does, then it’d be admitting that she was right. That it wasn’t that bad.  How does their family feel about them?: His father likely hasn’t thought of Colin in many years—when he couldn’t find Colin’s mother and Colin, it was only a matter of time before he found someone else as vulnerable as Colin’s mother, and perhaps easier to control. Even when Colin went back to his hometown, they didn’t cross paths. He’d stopped looking for Colin; and going back to Vegas wasn’t about his father at all, for Colin. Colin’s mother harbors a lot of guilt: she’s always wanted her son to have a better life than she could give him, and most of the arguments that she and Colin got into were her trying to rationalize her own behavior—to herself more than to him. Colin doesn’t hold much hope of ever seeing her again: he believes that, since he was the one to leave, she’ll respect his decision and not track him down. That is, of course, if the life she lived—the one that he used to live with her, the one that was always on the edge—hasn’t killed her. He tries not to think about it, but the possibility always lingers in the back of his mind.  Pets: None. Sometimes they crashed in places with dogs, or his mom dated someone with dogs, but they were never really his. They always felt like what he wanted though, what he thought he might get when they first moved in with Colin’s father: the stable life, the solid family, the dog. He still thinks about it, mostly on his summer road trips, or when he needs to get out of Palmetto for the weekend and just drive, what it’d be like to have a dog in the seat next to him, hanging its head out the window.  Where do they live?: Colin’s suite in Fox Tower is the only semi-permanent residence he has. After one summer spent in Palmetto, Colin prefers to spend his summers on the road: crashing on teammates’ couches or sleeping in his car, pretending that he has somewhere to go. He usually ends up back in Vegas, where he still has some friends from his high school team. He doesn’t have a home there, but it’s as close as he comes to the feeling of home, of belonging somewhere.  Description of their home: See above Description of their bedroom: Used to living out a backpack and not having many possessions, he’s collected a bunch of odds and ends since coming to Palmetto, some of it functional and some of it not. He’ll take the odds and ends that graduating Foxes have left behind, or other Palmetto students have left outside of their dorms at the end of the year. Loves the free section of Craigslist. Everything he’s accumulated has a tendency to spread itself out throughout the suite’s bedroom and into the living areas. His clothes are never in their hamper, whether they’re dirty or clean, and the rest of his belongings seem to spread themselves out like they have a life of their own. If you ask him about it, he says that he likes having his stuff where he can see it. Or that he likes marking his territory.

05/THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert Optimist or Pessimist? An optimism at heart, even though he tries not to be.  Leader or Follower? Leader Confident or Self-Conscious? Externally confident, Internally more self-conscious than he lets on Cautious or Careless? Careless with his actions, Cautious with his expectations Passionate or Apathetic? Passionate Book Smarts or Street Smarts? Street Smarts Compliments or Insults? Compliments

06/FAVORITES

Favorite Color: Green Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: His style is actually pretty basic. Outside of practices, he wears a lot of Palmetto gear, sweatpants and obnoxiously orange sweatshirts. His going out clothes tend to be a uniform of jeans and plain v-necks, tight but otherwise nondescript, so it’s less notable that he doesn’t have a ton of clothes outside of the Palmetto swag he’s accumulated as a Fox. When it gets cold in Palmetto, he’s the douchebag that will resist wearing a coat for as long as humanly possible. Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: Will listen to just about everything, but has a special affinity for classic rock/Americana that makes him think of his mother, and likes pop/EDM to work out to and listen to psych himself up for games. Will sing terribly without any shame, and always fights to be the one controlling the music during gym hours or bus rides. Favorite Movies: Most of the time, if it isn’t funny or full of explosions, he’s not sitting through it. Secretly loves romcoms, though he’ll pretend it’s just to heckle them.  Favorite Books: Colin has a very short attention span, and doesn’t really read for fun. If asked, he’d probably say Harry Potter, but that’s mostly because he’s actually read it and he knows everyone else has too Favorite Foods/Drinks: He’s a growing boy: bring on the french fries, pizza, and ice cream. No one ever made his vegetables and he’s still a somewhat picky eater.  Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: Exy—that’s about it. He’s loyal to the Foxes, of course, and the U.S. Court.  Favorite Time of Day: He’s absolutely a night owl, and has his alarm in the mornings timed perfectly so that he gets as much sleep as possible before rolling out of bed and making it to practice on time. Favorite Weather/Season: Summer, but he lets everyone know that he’s from a desert, and doesn’t fuck with humidity. Favorite Animal: He loves any and all dogs.

[dashiel-sky]

LFRP: Dashiel Sky

Stats

Full Name: Dashiel Sky.

Pronunciation: Dash-ee-el Sky.

Alias(es)/Nickname(s): Dash.

Age: 20.

Gender: Male.

Race: Hyur, Midlander.

Name Day: 13th Sun of the 5th Umbral Moon

Birthplace: Limsa Lominsa.

Guardian: Menphina, the Lover.

Residence: Living in a renovated room at the Drunken Moogle.

Sexual Preference: Bisexual, very heavy male lean.

Relationship Status: Single.

Alignment: Neutral Good.

Physical Appearance

Height: 5 Fulm 6 Ilm

Weight: 126 Ponze

Eyes: Dark Purple

Hair: Bright white

Skin: Tanned

Build: Lithe, semi-androgynous

Scars: None

Tattoos/Marks: Arcanism matrices covering both arms, from wrist to shoulder

 Traits

Extroverted / Introverted / In-between

Disorganised / Organised / In-between

Close minded / Open minded / In-between

Calm / Anxious / In-between

Disagreeable / Agreeable / In-between

Cautious / Reckless / In-between

Patient / Impatient / In-between

Outspoken / Reserved / In-between

Leader / Follower / In-between

Empathetic / Unempathetic / In-between

Optimistic / Pessimistic / In-between

Traditional / Modern / In-between

Hard-working / Lazy / In-between

Cultured / Uncultured / In-between

Loyal / Disloyal / In-between

Faithful / Unfaithful / In-between

 Family

Saewynn Trinder – Mother – Status: Alive

Leowald Trinder – Father – Status: Deceased.

Mentality

Social level: Very good at public speaking, fairly good at one-to-one speaking. Easily flustered, though.

Optimistic View(s): Everyone deserves a chance. The world is an inherently good place. People are good.

Pessimistic View(s): Gil makes the world go round. Corruption is rife. The rich stand atop the poor, and it can’t be changed.

One Positive Personality Trait: Trusting.

One Negative Personality Trait: Naivety.

One Personality Warning: Submits to the will of others far too easily, thanks to his upbringing.

Random Quirk: Doesn’t appreciate the value of gil.

Hobbies: Researching and practicing warding and seals. Drawing and painting. Reading. Listening to music. People-watching.

Addictions: None, currently.

Habits: Plays with his hair, lip-biter.

Pleasures: Being paid attention to, being complimented, discussing his passion for magic.

Smoke: Never.

Drugs: Never; his bedroom was recently drugged with an aphrodisiac, however.

Alcohol: Rare, usually sweet drinks like cocktails.

(Up to) Five things they appreciate

Beauty. Dash appreciates beauty, almost regardless of race, and definitely regardless of gender.

Music. Dash was raised listening to fine, classical music; he loves hearing new types.

Expensive things. Being raised rich, Dash definitely appreciates expensive food, drink and clothing.

Company. Dash had a rather lonely upbringing, something that he seeks to remedy by meeting people from all walks of life.

People interested in magic. Someone to discuss his passion with, to listen to their experience, theories and own ideas. Wonderful!

(Up to) Five Things they Dislike

Abuse. Any form of physical abuse is something Dash hates to see.

Being likened to his family. Any links to his lineage he’s tried to sever, being reminded of where he’s from, or being likened to them really makes him angry.

Offensive smells. Raised as he was, Dash likes sweet smells, nice smells. Offensive smells make him feel nauseous.

Bad fashion. He’s a rich boy. Dress badly? He’ll be unable to fight off his urge to scowl.

(Up to) Five Strengths

Defensive-magic affinity. His ability to create, maintain and destroy wardings, barriers and seals is exemplary, especially considering he’s mostly self-taught.

Looks. He’s a very pretty boy. His family have bred for looks they can use as a weapon, and it definitely shows.

Wealth. He may have squirreled away only a fraction of his family’s worth, but it’s enough money for most people to live on for several generations.

Communication skills. Dash was raised and taught how to speak coherently and politely to all people.

(Up to) Five Weaknesses

Trusting. Despite his upbringing, Dash tends to trust almost all those around him. Something that is easily preyed upon.

Submissive nature. Dash was raised to submit to his mother’s will. And though he eventually rebelled and escaped her, his very nature is to submit to those of a stronger will.

Physical inability. Dash can’t use swords, or jump, or climb very well. He’s able to run at speed, but his build and upbringing don’t allow for much else.

Wealth. Although a strength, his inability to gauge how poor others are, as well as the coddled-nature of being rich is definitely a weakness, too.

Apathy. Dash was taught about the corruption of the world, how gil makes it function and it’s all that matters, such that he’s apathetic towards the plight of rich v poor. It’s just the way things are, to him.

(Up to) Five Fears

His mother. The source of his life’s torment, the main reason he fled his family’s dark history, and the reason for his suffered upbringing.

Poverty. Though less of a conscious fear, Dash wouldn’t know what to do without money.

Legacy. Becoming the next in a long line of vile, corrupt members of his family.

Possible RP Hooks

His past life. Were you a friend, family-friend or acquaintance Dash made before fleeing his mother? A political ally? Did you even /aid/ his escape somehow? Lots of ideas revolving around this, especially for those playing nobles/business-people from Limsa Lominsa or Ul’dah.

Magic. Interested mage? Bonus points for your interest to be in defensive spells, wards, seals and barriers. Likewise, are you curious about his tattoos? Their origin and abilities?

More magic. As opposed to mere theory, Dash wants to eventually begin using his abilities. Need a ward erecting or destroying? A seal being made or unmade? Let’s talk about it.

The past catches up. Perhaps you’ve been hired to look for him. A bounty hunter, perhaps, or some type of ‘fixer’ hired by the elite. (I have no desire for Dash to wind up ACTUALLY going back to his mother, so this angle only works if you’ll end up sympathizing with him, or potentially blackmailing him? Either way, he’s ICly not going back, and OOCly I won’t let him. :p)

Friendship. Dash has other interests, and just really likes to meet people. So, let’s be friends.

What I’m Seeking

Basically? People to write fun and interesting stories with. I’m quite happy to write mature themes, including injury, angst and eroticism; but I don’t really want these to be a /focus/, more of a thing that happens as our characters grow together, as their stories go on. I care for my RP partners, too, so I often consider the term in a friendly context. If we RP togethe, expect me to consider you my friend.

OOC Notes

You can call me Sarto (My main’s name). I’m a mid-20’s male from the UK. I’ve a long history of RP, though XIV is my first RP-MMO.  I like to think I’m approachable, I love meeting people and making friends. I’m happy to RP in-game or through Discord (Just ask me for it!). I work in healthcare, so if you’re sick expect me to worry and try to offer advice; it’s a sometimes-annoying side-effect, sorry. I’m almost always up for RP, though I do have both mental and physical health problems, and do have days where I don’t wish to do anything. Please don’t take it personally; it’s probably just a bad day.

I love asking and answering asks on Tumblr. (Follows come from Archmagesarto)

Otherwise I’m pretty boring and/or basic, so not much else to go here. Look forward to (hopefully) rp with you soon!

[theyuniversity]

My Relationship with Writing (And how my passion has sometimes done me more harm than good)

This year has been rather challenging for me — socially, emotionally, and perhaps spiritually. I have gone through adversities that firmly instilled in me the understanding of the value and significance of healthy relationships. I was experiencing, first-hand, what it meant to be in a toxic friendship, which caused me to bitterly reflect on my past for a month or so.

Gradually, I realized that the majority of my past friendships have been unhealthy — they caused me unnecessary emotional exhaustion that I was, stupidly enough, willing to put up with, for the mere sake of the few moments of joy I sometimes shared with these individuals.

With even deeper and broader reflection, I realized something else which was rather difficult to swallow: my relationship with writing has been no different.

Writing, the one thing I’ve always done diligently and tirelessly, the one thing I was known by everybody for admiring, and encouraged by friends to pursue as a future career, to be one of the causes of distress and agony in my life?

No way, but yes.

Because I handled it the wrong way, my passion has been weighing me down in ways I did not think possible.

Time for Myself

I had gone on a break from writing to take some time to develop the ‘observant’ part of the writer in me, as well as for my mental health. It was a slow process that my writing ‘hiatus’ was taking the form of quitting altogether. In fact, I was eventually growing delusional about it being a hiatus as the days passed by. And, oh, the Q-word! Deep down, the Q-word frightened me, but never to the point of reality, because I was simply certain that my passion was incontestably too invincible to ever be vanquished.

Yet, one day, I had to stop denying the manifest practical application of the Q-word onto my writing life. As I wandered alone and wistful one morning in the narrow underground tunnels for hours and hours, I broke the deathly 4 am silence by unfeelingly uttering the defeated phrase: I quit writing.

It almost hurts to say, but it was a truly liberating moment, albeit fleetingly. I felt immensely happy, unbound, and weightless enough to jump from rooftop to rooftop. I did not feel that I had lost a part of myself, but rather discovered another latent, budding part in me I did not even know I’d possessed.

I had gone from writing often to seldom, not because I had too little to say, but rather because of a lot of fear and a bit of apathy. On the contrary, I in fact have so much on my mind nowadays which, with even a modicum of inspiration and willpower, I could easily make use of to create poetic masterpieces.

What Caused This Toxicity?

My attitude towards writing, my love for it, and sometimes lack of it, poisoned my passion like a drip of ink in water. I had the tendency to look at writing as both an enemy and a friend that sometimes made me laugh and sometimes cry, made me feel worthy as an artist one minute and worthless the next. I oscillated from believing it to be my main source of hope for a blossoming future to fearing it to be the path to a lifetime of imminent failure and rejection.

Like my relationships with people, there are blissful days in my writing life which imbue me with temporary euphoria, such as the day I finally finish writing an article or a poem, or the one lucky day out of a week or two when I’m able to articulate my thoughts with seemingly impeccable eloquence, or the day my deeply thought-out ideas for my story seem to finally fall together, like stars that align in the darkness of my indecisiveness. These are comparable to the days my toxic friends (remember to) invite me when they go watch a movie, or spend an evening in the cafè, or simply the days they check up on me to inquire about my quietness with concern.

It would be a lie, however, to say that those euphoric days make up for the nightmarish ones, when writing behaves like a malicious enemy by reminding me daily that my efforts are not enough, and have never truly been.

Oftentimes I feel that my writer’s block is the equivalent of an amazing friend who deals with conflicts by giving me the silent treatment. This reminds me of another friend I once had who ignored me for so long that I’d now forgotten how his voice sounded like, just as I had forgotten how writing felt like.

Writing Culture

Unfortunately, if you familiarize yourself with the world of writing, you will notice some kind of palpable negativity embedded into the advice and tips that some writers give to amateurs and professionals alike.

There is always the belief that writers are essentially miserable, frustrated, and may go eons without producing meaningful work, or any work at all.

And there is the belief that writers are never satisfied with their work, and that they are, for every 60 minutes of an hour, banging their heads on their keyboards to reprimand themselves for their ineptitude and inability to live up to average expectations.

And then there is the belief that writers, every so often, seriously regret their past career decisions and question their future career plans in that field, and have this heated, full-on mental debate as to whether writing was ever created for them.

Positivity from Stephen King

I often felt the very same way, but my outlook changed drastically after I came across this interview with Stephen King and George RR Martin, where King shuts down these self-doubting thoughts with force and vehemence.

And I couldn’t help but think, What a Legend!

The unequivocal confidence he has on his place as a writer, and his choice to write, and his healthy attitude towards that choice, left me in awe.

So, after watching that, here are some of the thoughts I had to continually remind myself of in order to keep myself from falling off the ledge of sanity and into the abyss of despair:

Writing is not supposed to make you feel negative about yourself. Your passion has to be a door for your creativity and productivity. Your passion must serve as a main source of inspiration, catharsis, and a big part of your self-identity. Yes, it has to be difficult and challenging every once in a while. No, it is impossible for such a hobby to come free of hardships. But what we should not be doing is normalizing and romanticizing the constant mental/nervous/emotional breakdowns and feelings of self-doubt and self-loathing that many writers experience along with these challenges. This is not normal. This is not healthy. These experiences can, and should, inevitably happen every now and then; however, with regularity, they can weigh you down till your breaking point. They can mercilessly exhaust your passion and turn it into pure apathy or, better yet, resentment. And with an attitude that deems them as typical and welcomes their steady occurrence, you will end up either writing yourself stupid, or crumpling your empty papers into your fists with rage before calling it quits.

It took me a while to realize that while writing requires sacrifices, these sacrifices should never limit your overall quality of life and throw you into a zombie-like state of mind. I mean, at some point, I was missing classes, cancelling social plans, and skipping meals for the mere sake of productivity, because I was still unfamiliar with the heaven-sent concept known as balance.

Moreover, I believe that the main reason I agreed with these negative ideas about writers was because I was adamant about not changing my detrimental writing techniques (they felt … just right) and generally sought ways to justify them and regard them as the normal benchmark for artists.

The knowledge that I was not the only ‘writer’ who was unskillful with words, forever stuck in the void of writer’s block, brought me immense temporary reassurance, but in the long run made me feel that it was absolutely typical to feel listless, yet pensive, and frustrated at reconciling the two.

Writing the Pain Away

It is funny, because it took me a considerably long time to deduce why and how writing was causing me so much agony. It was not until two weeks ago when I decided to do some 3 am writing on my recent loss of friendship and unfathomable decision to quit writing (the irony) that I realized and accepted that the fault was on me and my poor coping mechanisms all along.

I’ve always said that writing was a revelation: it reveals feelings and thoughts in your heart and mind which you don’t even know are there. The more you write, the more you know who you are.

It might had been writing that caused me pain, but it was also writing that revealed to me why this was happening, and it’s also writing that I am, right now, using as an outlet to release the waves of ambivalent feelings flooding from my tightening chest.

So, depending on how you deal with it, your passion can leave you confused for months or it can decipher your most heavily complex feelings in an hour. And perhaps I should do less writing on the corner of my unmade bed and more on that bench outside in the grass and beneath the light of the sun.

Treat your passion like a benevolent friend who desires your success as much as you do, and you’ll be met with much more productivity and much less toxicity in return.

✍🏻 Written by Sanbella, writing intern at The YUNiversity

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[w-ht-w]

what’s most important to focus on in our 20s?

pre-reflection: 

identify/commit to some core aspects: values, how your mind works. You don’t have to figure everything out. But at this point, you have enough life experiences to reflect on and start to decide some things you care about.

unpack your oughts/guilt. things that were drilled into you, that you might feel guilt over, but don’t consistently act on. chances are, you don’t actually care about these things, and they don’t inspire/fulfill you.

materiality/expenses: pack/travel light. decide a few things that are truly important for you to maintain: whether certain relationships, habits, or expenses.

take risks toward the things you care about. you’re not committed to people/places yet. pack light, and take some risks. they won’t all work out. but some might.

build your own healthy habits. eat, sleep, move. you should enjoy doing these, and they should make you feel good. a virtuous cycle.

---

I think it's really important for people to realize that there isn't just one right path in life. ... We're living in an age where we have more choice than any other generation before us. We have so much choice over who we marry, when we marry, if we have children, what kind of career to pursue and how we fill our time. We're surrounded with all of this choice that allows us to create the lifestyle that we want. And that is hugely empowering. But sometimes I think it can also feel a little paralyzing. (1)

the dream job is a totally new concept that has arisen recently. ... For most of human history, nobody had any real choice about what job they did. ... 95% of older Gen Zers and millennials think finding a career is their most important objective in their 20s. In fact, it's much higher than finding a life partner or starting a family, which is a huge change from even 50 years ago — from our parents' generation.

it actually takes between 10 and 15 years to find a job that really aligns with your skills and your values. And in that 10- to 15-year period, most people are job hopping a lot.

Oh man. I wish someone told me at previous internships: it’s great if you’re certain that this kind of work is what you want to do. But also, it’s okay if it’s not. You’re allowed to change your mind later, you know. You don’t have to commit to things with greater certainty than you actually feel.

mistakes in pursuit of “dream job”

a job that doesn't compensate you for the work that you're doing is, by definition, not a dream job. ... The other thing that I found is that a lot of millennials don't actually take any time off. ... people are so passionate about their work ... But I think all of this will eventually lead to burnout and, I think, in the long term make them much less productive in the pursuit of your dream job. (1)

importance of friends:

On the one hand, our 20s are this magical friend-making time ... But as you get older, that circle of friends begins to shrink. And there are many reasons for that. ... be aware of that drop-off.

figure out the friends that you really want to have in your life in the years to come. Be very intentional about the people that you want to stay in touch with.

Also, actively make new friends. Friend-making is actually a skill. Sociologists say that there are three steps that go into making a new friend. First, you need to be in physical proximity to the person. To best establish a friendship, you also need repeated and unplanned interactions with the person. And the final step is trying to maintain an emotional bond with that person. (1)

importance of hobbies:

hobbies [are] important to your mental and physical health. ... actively think about the hobbies that you'd like to pick up in your 20s and actually create the time to pursue them, knowing that it will only get harder to adopt new habits later in life. (1)

people who are politically active in their 20s actually remain politically active throughout their whole lives. So people who go to protests, who vote and develop the skills they need to be part of the political process, tend to have much richer political lives later on. (1)

I think the main tension that most of us experience in our 20s is this feeling that 

on the one hand, we need to make good decisions because we have this limited amount of time to set ourselves on the right course, 

and on the other hand, it's a time to date lots of people, travel the world, quit a job and just explore what is out there for us. I think that most of us feel pulled in these two different directions when really they're both part of a really important process.

I describe it as purposeful exploration, because here's the thing — you need to make all these decisions in your 20s. But during those years, you're still getting to know who you are as a person and what the world is like. I think the pull to be a bit impulsive is a very valuable instinct because it helps us develop self-knowledge so when we eventually have to make a decision, we have more data at our fingertips that will allow us to make better decisions.

healthy impulses for me at the moment, I think, does not necessarily mean traveling the world or saying yes to everything. I’d rather be impulsive about embracing and trying to answer all the questions I have. mapping out my inner world, since it’s the source of all my decisions. no, it doesn’t necessarily yield outwardly observable results right away. and I don’t think I can stay in this state of physical stasis forever. but I think I need to do this, for now.

Turn your weaknesses into strengths.

For Phelps, having a somewhat awkward body type made him a pretty bad runner and dancer — but it also made him an incredible swimmer. For Churchill, being paranoid meant that he was once "deemed unsuitable for the highest offices" — but it also meant he recognized Hitler as a threat to the world.

Figure out what makes you weird, and turn it into the thing that makes you a winner. (2)

Forgive yourself for past mistakes.

"Kicking yourself over past failures won't change what happened, it will just leave you sore from being kicked so much. Give up all hope for a better past. Own who you have been so it doesn't own you.

"This really applies to all ages, but it's a skill that takes a while to develop so you might as well start young and really figure it out. ... I've [met] people in their 80's and 90's who still don't get it and are filled with regrets." (2)

Don't be afraid to change directions.

"The longer you wait to change, the harder it will feel to change. ... making a career change doesn't have to be terrifying. You just need to go about the transition carefully — first drawing on your current experience, then networking, and then testing, until you're ready to launch. (2)

Travel/have more adventures w/ important people in your life.

I also regret not traveling more. Once we married and started having kids, travel got curtailed. We still went on trips but they were family trips. I wish I would have taken her on a couple of big out-of-country excursions before family came into play." (2)

Take care of your body.

I wish I had taken better care of myself. Instead, I let my weight catch back up with me, I ignored a few dental problems, and I didn't take care of my finances as well as I should have.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm 31 now, and none of these problems are dire for me, but God they're a much bigger pain in the ass to deal with now, compared to how much effort it would have taken to not let them become an issue at all." (2)

Don't rush to cram stuff into your 20s because you think you should.

I have never understood this 'do things before you're 30' thing. ... I don't see why the number 30 is so symbolic.

"My advice is don't rush to cram stuff into your 20s because you think you should. Just do what you want, do what feels natural, and take your time with it if need be." (2)

1. https://www.npr.org/2020/07/30/897096891/what-the-rocket-years-can-teach-us

2. https://www.businessinsider.com/what-to-do-in-your-20s-2017-10#turn-your-weaknesses-into-strengths-5

[ewinglogan93]

Can Baby Save Marriage Mind Blowing Tricks

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How To Avoid Maintenance In Divorce

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